#i think i should stop drinking
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
being a decadent literature nerd and also a fan of childrens cartoons is fun, although almost every time cursed. that being said, me and my friend got drunk and i thought Hey Wouldn't It Be Hilarious If Des Esseintes From À Rebours Was In The Main Cast Of Strawberry Shortcake
and what do you think happened
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every time I finish a season of Taskmaster I’m like “noooooo I don’t want to go to the next season this is my emotional support group of British comedians”
Then I move on to the next season and find a new batch of emotional support British comedians
#ally is talking#taskmaster#ally is a bit drunk#made some salmon piccata for dinner and white wine goes so well with that#ally likes white wine#ally should stop drinking soon though#ally was planning to wake up early and go for a long run#both because tomorrow is supposed to be relatively cool#and to assert dominance in my Pikmin bloom team#like yeah I had a dentist appointment on Monday and meetings on Tuesday#I can still put up a step count that’ll knock your socks off#again ally is drunk#I think the Sues from season 16 are my favorite#gotdamn they’re cute
197 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like a lot of people mistake comic relief or goofiness for lack of effort or caring by the creator, and that belies a real lack of understanding of like, writing and humor and art in general.
#i'm thinking about how on 4sd travis and sam talked about the work they put into chet and fcg and veth#all of whom have been treated really dismissively in weird ways#and the people who are like haha they're a dumb joke character invariably stan characters with WAY less effort put in#which is fine! you should like what you like!#but you're not grading on effort clearly so stop pretending you are! it's fine!#this is actually this blog's mission statement. like what you like but stop justifying it with blatant lies#hell for all braius is by necessity not the deepest of characters sam clearly cared enough to rewrite his spoiled backstory!#like i find it just. really...suspicious isn't quite the right word but i'm not landing on the correct one#how people jump to equate their personal preferences with thought and care and effort and quality in the absence of evidence#like man it's ok if you did a wine tasting and your fave was the three buck chuck. drink that and live your truth
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
i keep coming back to 'i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic' because i do distinctly remember conversations about how taylor seemed to be drinking a lot more and getting drunk at like every awards show she went to. and those conversations were coming from a place of concern and of hoping that she was alright and that this wasn't a problem.
so to then say 'ugh i can't believe no one noticed this problem i had' when i know that people definitely did, and on the same album say that fans who are genuinely concerned about a new relationship that you are in are just 'bitching and moaning'? what do you want from them? you're talking about so many people who do at least believe that they are coming from a place of care and concern, and you are totally dismissing them on both ends of a scale!
not to mention that her implying that since nobody (???) was noticing her ~aesthetic~ drinking problem she just stopped having it is a bit of a kick in the teeth to people who do have drinking problems and can't just stop having them, since that's not how it fucking works.
#today on things about this album that make me want to scrEAM#just the word aesthetic even being in that sentence. please stop.#i think my cynicism has just been brewing for like a whole year at this point and i finally have something to let it out on#maybe even over a year. i have been saying since the tour was announced that she should do tour and finish the rereleases during it#thats the end of eras. the tour the rerecords all finished.#and then take a break. a proper break with no anything going on.#and then take the time to make a solid new album to be released in say 2025/26#obviously this did not happen lol#okay imma use anti tags i don't want the swifties coming for me but. these opinions are important to me and i wanted to voice them.#cannot guarentee that i will not have more to say on this matter at a later time#anti taylor swift#anti ttpd#mae posts#tw drinking#tw alcohol#tw alcoholism
243 notes
·
View notes
Text
in the halcyon days (about ten of them) between geonosis and being condemned to coruscant, fox goes on a mission that—thanks to an unlikely series of events involving a space narwhal, two shinies with a metallurgy obsession, and the inadvisable phrase “i’m sure it’ll work out fine”—diverts their squad to renowned dump of the galaxy, lotho minor.
maybe fox helps out a weird kid with a generous helping of legs and talks him around from licking batteries. maybe that happens. i don’t know. you didn’t see shit.
anyway then fox is on coruscant and everything is how it is. how it is is shitty but what, fox is gonna complain to a union? sure. he’ll get right on that.
before long, there’s an attack on the senate by some spiky red kid and fox ends up space spider-man-ing him in the middle of a chase across coruscant’s mids.
kid gets away. of course he does.
… then he lurks his way back through the warren, about as subtle as a scream, and fox makes himself a cup of caf (the first one held between those tattooed hands) and thinks, hell. we’re all red here.
#anyway i just think that fox adopting maul should happen#maul: you keep calling me ‘kid’ and i’m literally twice your age#fox: one of us works full time and the other one has whipped cream on his nose. stop arguing and drink your cocoa.#i’m also here for fox/maul#i just really enjoy Old Man Eleven Year Old Fox and i wanted to think about him#hound wants spider legs#all the massiff puppies could have a nibble#darth maul#commander fox#coruscant guard#star wars#the clone wars#putting my blorbo in situations
84 notes
·
View notes
Text
Apologies
#shadowpeach#six eared macaque#sun wukong#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkey king#liu'er mihou#I just think it'd be neat if they apologized to each other and then cried and hugged about it#(cuz on god they both have some shit they should get off their chests and own up to)#like holy blue hells they're both just like “I think i shall spend my immortal life ruminating on my greatest regret and letting it fester”#everytime i watch the scene where Macaque is like:#“its good to talk about feelings! obv i don't do it”#i turn into the hands on hips guy meme#DUDE GO TO THERAPY#wukong too lets be real#been reading jttw the west (haven't actually gotten to where SEM shows up in the book yet tho)#and i think that if therapy existed back then tripitaka and sha wujing would've been gently but firmly#herding wukong into the local therapist's waiting room in as many towns they pass as possible#he'd probly grab the door frame and have to be literally pried off#these hypothetical ancient-chinese therapists all have claw marks on the hallways and doors going into their offices#hey how about an au where shadowpeach get therapists who end up getting all the monkey drama news first#and end up on the business-rivals-to-drinking-buddies pipeline#stopped while drawing this like “hey why'd i make mac be touching wukong's face in both sketches?”#and then i remembered that between the two mac's the one who wants to be something to the other#to the point of desperation#its like if they're both cats who got coned swk is the one who sits there miserably accepting his fate#while mac is that one video of the tuxedo cat shrieking and trying to paw it off#i'd read the hell out of a fic where they end up swapping attitudes about their dynamic#in canon wukong's the one who seems like he would like to never see mac again (at times) even tho he really regrets it and it hurts#like mac just gives up on trying to convince himself he can make swk see him as a significant part of his life again
77 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey I have a question but are you the original creator for mafia mob au or is someone else cause I think I stumble in a TikTok creater and they made a mafia wally au. Both arts are amazing but I was just curious to know.
I think I know who you may be talking about! There is basically two “mafia” aus lol, theirs and mine- our aus are completely separate from each other and from what I know, have no affiliation with each other whatsoever besides coincidence of universe
#Theirs is the “Mafia au” while mine is the “Mob au”#Another reason why I don’t really call mine the “Mafia” au is due to a mix of things I add to my stuff#(Cult like behaviors- psychological warfare- abdominal nightmaric horrors- etc etc JDHDD)#I think they are more focused on building Wally-?#I focus a lot more on basically everyone else LMAOOO#I probably should draw mob Wally more-#He is the face of it all smhh and his hair is fun to draw#I like making it as a “not what meets the eye” kinda au#Like oh you think it’s just this but it’s so much more deeper and fugged up JDHDHHD#Nobody remembers anything and even if they try there is a force stopping them#Is it psychological? Is it from a giant suspicious house god father? Is it the drinks? Who knows!#Well we kinda ish know but still lmAOOO#Wait that reminds me#I need to make a list of everyone’s “usual” drink is at the bar-
354 notes
·
View notes
Text
i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using
#our t#this is *any* trans hc it doesnt matter the flavour of the trans headcanon. i dont have time for that shit i have real problems#if i see one more fight over jegbert or dave on this site i s2g#if june happens on screen like if we SEE june happen on screen then that will be canon. even for a single panel she will be canon#but genderbend aus have existed since the dawn of fuckin time and an au isnt gonna suddenly blast june's canon transness outta existence#like what are yall TALKING about.#and im saying 'if' w/ a heavy fuckin sigh bc while the hsbc team has stated that they have plans no one knows#when or where or how thats gonna happen. i want it to happen & i have my own hopes for how it will but we'll just have to see#but this aint abt rep yall just want justification to punch e/o in the face & call it 'fighting against ur intercommunity oppressors'#or whatever cause none of yall are brave enough to get organized#and actually try to make changes in ur communities.....headcanons will never be actual representation#as for dave. yall know that transmascs and cis boys also struggle with masculinity right? esp hegemonic pressures and ideals?#thats kinda what LE is about? thats why so many trans guys see themselves in the striders. thats why i think theyre supposed to be cis#but thats ALSO why so many transfemme folks see themselves in dave. and that should be rlly beautiful!!! we're not so different!!!#its almost like that power structure harms everyone in different ways bc of how we treat e/o inside of the structure!!!!!#i cant TELL you how many of my cis guy friends have cptsd from just not being allowed to express sadness or joy in an acceptable way#and davepeta being nonbinary only adds to this!!! davepetas existence in contrast to dave DIRECTLY MIRRORS roxy in meat/candy#but yall are never gonna be fuckin ready for that so what the fuck ever i guess#i just feel constantly forced outside of this fandom or scorned as a Bad Tranny bc im very literally in the middle of this shit#and i dont believe one style of presentation is inherently better or morally righteous than the other. like what are yall expecting#are yall expecting to be let into tranny heaven bc u wear a skirt and say 'haha yeah all instances of mascness is grossss' be for real#just rlly highlights the fact that no one in this fandom wants to care abt intersex trans ppl or hear them talk or try to#contribute to gender analysis. its not girlboss enough i guess. sorry for not drinking the radfem rhetoric thats embedded itself#into this site i suppose. hope the fandom gets better but idk i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon#stop treating femininity as smth inherently Morally Good its all 'divine feminine moon phase' bullshit slightly repackaged#to include transfemme folks. which none of yall should want. its a direct pushback to actual feminism but ok all mascs evil bc LE i guess#im not missing the fact that this fandom cracks down hard on queer mascness & tries to 1:1 equate that hegemonic cismasculinity either#yall aint slick at all. sorry im just. fucking tired. feeling like i dont exist & my words dont matter
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
i like to think reg is more fond of being a drinker, likes the taste of some and knows he can be out of it when he's in a secure place, especially with rhm.
rhm on the other hand i like to think doesn't drink not just because he's never really wanted to anyway, and not just because he'd rather stay sober to keep reg safe, but also mayhaps just fears not being aware of his surroundings 24/7 . slaps him with paranoia <3
want to make a little comic of reg realizing really early on that rhm never joins in on drinking on any occasion at all and questions him about it snarkily at first and gets a snarky answer back as a fun banter but afterwards maybe reg realizes more and more how rhm's always keeping a hawk's eye out for danger when he's drinking. deeper into their bond a good time later, reg would offer rhm a drink when he's 100% sure they can be safe from any random event that would not ensure their safety and maybe rhm would accept after some hesitation. mostly cuz it's probably been years since he's touched a drink and doesn't wanna act strange after drinking but also isn't convinced something wouldn't come up while he's not fully in his senses.
#idk i like to think about many possibilities and reasons for my preference on rhm being the sober one while reg likes drinking a lot#cant imagine the guilt that would hit him hard for a moment when he realizes he probably put rhm through crazy stress when-#he had been drinking till he preferred rhm's help on escorting him back to their hq or room#if they're not /too/ close i think reg wpuld eventually let himself think the rhm gotta do his job and he does it good by keeping him safe#so what of it. if i drink a little more#but me thinks when they're really attached and bonded then reg just might stop drinking till he's not making sense even if it was-#sometimes before#or maybe. talks it out with rhm and learns from him he doesnt mind being extra alert if it means reg can loosen up to his heart's desire-#after stressful work :P#i talk a lot about thrm in my head that i should let out here more often .#reg would also offer rhm safe places to drink as well whenver he feels like it again. esp if he'd like wilhelm's company too#just a place with ppl he can trust and no interference from anyone else
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
"parallels" (idk what words mean) between seo inwoo and seo moonjo
1. pretty red lighting
2. having rooftops meet-cute
3. shushing people
4. when bae (tries to) commits manslaughter <3
5. disturbing the peace/people in cars
6. probably wouldn't know personal space even if it hit him in the face
7. very happy person
8. tells a guy how much he cares about another dude before beating up the guy with a random item, as one does
9. asks someone out for drinks 😔 gets rejected 😔
10. always assume that he is there. he probably is.
11. they have their own creepy little music! (not sure if it's their theme song or smth but it shows up a lot around them)
#Spotify#seo inwoo#seo moonjo#psychopath diary#strangers from hell#hell is other people#why did i do this#i had more images but the image limit decided to stop my enthusiasm 😔#in conclusion i still haven't watched all of psychopath diary#yoon jongwoo#yook dongsik#the random dudes that got involved in all that#i honestly think moonjo and inwoo should meet for drinks
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
actually so low on morale.
#sami rambles#i don't think anyone without a chronic illness can understand what it's like to then get sick on top of that because like.#my flatmate who gave me this chest infection carried on with her life like it was just an annoying cough.#which i have my own issues with regarding like passing it around because she wasn't wearing a mask anywhere :/#like with my condition at least when i get sick my whole body shuts down in order to actually have enough energy to fight the bug.#but my body stops functioning the way it should#my brain slows all the way down so i can't focus on anything#so i am literally just reduced to lying in bed until i start to get better#and it's not even like i can really do work whilst lying in bed because again. brain no work!!#so im just bored and there's a thousand things i need to do but i cant focus on any of them long enough to actually do them#and even thinking about doing them feels like im thinking about taking up the mantle of sisyphus and rolling that big fucking rock#anyway. I'm going up a hill with my friends tonight to watch the fireworks and drink hot chocolate idc if it kills me
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
don't talk to me until i've had my morning kuwana coffee (yapping under the cut)
this is the silliest thing i've done in a while and it was worth every dollar. laughed so hard i cried when it was served to me (and yeah. table service means a stranger had to serve it to me. i'm so sorry to her 💀) i need you all to understand that photos don't do justice the visual impact of having this served to me irl
ate him btw
goodbye kuwana 😔
#jitxt#my stuff#kuwana jin#sorry i have to post this for internet clout + it's so fucking funny#genuinely i would stop mid meal and mid conversation to shake my head and say “kuwana” out loud#take a sip and then start laughing again at his ruined face 😭#the necklace i was wearing broke earlier that day and honestly i was so ecstatic about this drink that i nearly forgot all about it#thanks kuwana 🥺#honestly i was tempted to do Gay Head Tilt Kuwana from passthroughtime's post a while back but i was worried it would be too small so 😔#but i think this one is just as funny. either way the end result was perfect#10/10 would buy overpriced coffee again#lots of possibilities.... i wonder what i should have printed on a coffee if i go again.....
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.
#chemi chats#there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter#im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it?#he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun.#a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink.#he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best#pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful#he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and#it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes.#oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now#but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine#conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off#subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking.#he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it..#hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting...#task: swept up#okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye#also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)'#funny fella. i love you.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Getou Suguru x Reader
"Somewhere there is a simple life"
or "four sorcerers' day in the world of humans, four years after betrayal"
tw: omegaverse, geto typical murderous mentions? children being cute? hints of past satoxsuguxreader, mentions of pregnancy
Sometimes you wonder if things could have been different, if you could have had this happiness in some other time, in some other place. It doesn't matter now, you suppose. There are no other times, no other places. Suguru has made his choice, and you have made yours.
And you have chosen to have moments of happiness, just like this one, for as long as you can.
Morning light slants early and golden over the table. Mimiko is, as usual, quiet, but she is awake, responding in her breathy voice to your questions and tentatively padding around the kitchen with you. She takes small dishes from your hand and sets them on the table.
The table is filled with them. Many colors and a traditional set up of different kinds of vegetables, broiled fishes, salad, tofu and bean curds.
Nanako had tried to help, but she'd sat down and fallen asleep again with her head against the wall, phone face down on her thigh. She's drooling a bit, so deeply asleep, and it makes you want to laugh.
Mimiko catches your eye and you tilt your head to her sister. She rolls her eyes a bit, smile playing about her mouth and she silently sounds out "playing Ace Attorney" and goes back to working around her sleeping twin, rearranging the plates to her heart's content.
Suguru catches you on the shoulder, fondness in his voice when he says "We spoil them."
"Who spoils them," you raise any eyebrow at him and press your lips to the juncture of his jaw, breathing in his scent, still heavy and warm after taking an early call in your bed.
With Mimiko's back turned and Nanako still soundly asleep, you nip a little at the skin over his scent gland and make a low playful sound in your throat at the spark of mischief and warning in your mate's dark brown eyes.
"Everything okay?" you ask him.
His arm slips around your waist as he sags against your back. "Yeah, just some little remnants that don't want to fall in line. Toshihisa is going to handle it."
"Good. You promised to take a break."
"You promised to take me to ride the boats," Mimiko appeared in front of you and looked up at Suguru.
He crouched down, backs of his pajama pants touching the floor. You missed seeing him like this more often. He was usually in the priest's garb which still made him seem somehow untouchable. It wasn't just the clothes, it was the persona.
You'd never really though of Suguru as an actor before, but now he had a half a dozen faces he seemed to switch between and some of them were less pleasant than others. You never feared he would hurt you, but it hurt nonetheless to see his pain curdled to hatred the way it had.
He ruffled Mimiko's hair. "Soup, showers, sheets," he listed off on three fingers, "then the boats."
Mimiko puffed out her cheeks. She might be the quiet twin, but she was often the more stubborn. Sometimes you thought Nanako just complained for her and that was why she was louder. It was good though to see them loud.
Suguru had told you from the beginning what happened in the village and it hadn't surprised you that both of the twins had been quiet and anxious for almost a year.
"Ah, right, the soup," you murmured and left them to their staring contest.
As planned, once Nanako was awakened and everyone had eaten, the girls had showered, and new bedding had been placed in your room and the twins' room, a load of the laundry started in the washer, you all headed to the park.
The train was not as crowded now that rush hour had passed but Suguru still pressed close to you, a twist to the corner of his lips which he hid in your hair when anyone human brushed by him. You beckoned Mimiko and Nanako close as a pack of students pushed onto the train.
You leaned up to murmur something in Suguru's ear and accidentally caught the eye of a beta woman sitting in one of the seats.
She must have mistaken the stress in your eyes, because she carefully rose and offered it to Suguru.
The transformation was disquieting, the way Suguru's expression relaxed into a sheepish laugh and he tried to refuse.
The beta woman said something about having young kids and Suguru finally sat down, half to shut her up you suspected. Nanako clambered on top of him. You had seen her watch the exchange with attentive eyes and it seemed she had resolved to help Suguru play act.
You inclined your head in thanks to the beta and covered your mouth with your sleeve, laughing a bit at his expense. Suguru gave you a sulky look when Mimiko joined her sister, choosing to stand with her hand braced on Suguru's knee while you pressed close behind her to give the train car a bit more breathing room.
Upon exiting the train at your station, Suguru found a restroom to wash his hands and yours before you all found your way above ground again.
Everyone relaxed once you reached the park. Natural green spaces were places of relaxation and healing and seldom attracted as many curses as other gathering places. If they were present they were usually easily dealt with.
It was a little more difficult to carry your tanto around these days. It was harder to hide the residuals of a cursed tool, and it was dangerous to carry a blade in public. You also typically didn't need it.
Suguru collected so many curses now, you thought sadly. Your grip on his fingers tightened as you walked side by side, watching Mimiko and Nanako run along the paths and into the forest.
One of those curses, a cute thing that looked somewhat like a couch cushion or maybe that footrest from the movie with the singing furniture, chased after them, baring its teeth like a little dog at the birds that fluttered around the pavement.
The twins called for you two to hurry up, dashing back and forth as you made your way to the boats.
They had already chosen a pair of swans - one white and one a pale blue - when you made it to the docks. They were deep in the process of deciding which one of them would sit with Suguru when he went over to egg them on.
You shook your head, smiling while you paid the woman at the counter. She offered you a knowing sort of smile when Suguru grabbed the back of Nanako's collar, preventing her from nearly dashing into the water.
You clapped your hands, holding up the tickets. "Who's going to ride with me first? Ah, you've been giving Suguru so much attention, I think I'm feeling lonely. The kids must not think I'm fun anymore."
Nanako shrugged out of Suguru's grip. "Mimiko, you should sit with them."
"No way," Mimiko said quietly, "you didn't help set up for breakfast. You should spend more time with them."
Suguru looked up at your stunned face and laughed, his brows crinkling together and shoulders shaking.
"You're their teacher," you said to him, putting on a show of being hurt, "shouldn't you teach them better manners?" You put a hand on your chest, "My feelings are hurt, no one wants to sit with me and win the boat race."
"Boat race?" the twins looked up in tandem with the cursed spirit that was still running around their feet.
You sighed, closing one eye. "Hmm. I don't know if I want to anymore. Everyone seems to want a peaceful ride with Getou-sensei. Maybe I should just go find us some ice cream instead."
The sisters looked at one another and you smirked to yourself, meeting Suguru's eyes. Something flashed through them, troubled or melancholy maybe.
Maybe you were laying it on a little thick, imitating the kind of games that used to work to distract Satoru and pull Shoko out of her isolating distance. Now your heart gave a real pang which you brushed aside as the twins seemed to come to a conclusion and flocked towards you, pushing you into the white boat. Nanako had leapt in and was poking around in curiosity.
It had already been four years. You'd only been at the school for three.
A dull bang on the outside of the boat startled you from your thoughts. Suguru leaned through the window. "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
You looked down at the pedals below your feet. "It can't be that hard," you replied.
"And," you grinned at him, "it's not like I was planning on playing fair."
Suguru smiled back. "How funny, neither was I."
It was fun to stretch the limits of your power for once. Since living at Suguru's compound you didn't need to go and risk your life as often. Sometimes you went out to deal with matters that stressed his tolerance for human hypocrisy, but mostly people came to him.
You used your cursed technique to make the boat go faster while Suguru summoned a pair of water-born curses to pull his boat.
The twins laughed and cheered each of you on, clambering between boats in a manner that would have gotten you all yelled at if you hadn't made your way to a quiet part of the river.
Eventually they grew tired and the boats were returned. They were tired enough to be subdued while eating the lunch you brought but the food restored enough of their energy that they clamored to be carried home.
Suguru huffed under Nanako's weight when she threw herself onto his back. "I think it's time to find something big enough to carry everyone. You're getting taller."
Mimiko made the decision to keep a hold of your sleeve.
"Are you sure you don't want to be carried too?"
Mimiko looked up Nanako who grinned at her. When you crouched down, she carefully wrapped her arms around your neck before you stood up.
"Aren't we taking the train back to the temple?" she asked quietly.
You glanced at the back of Suguru's head but he gave no indication one way or the other. He'd do anything for the twins. They'd grown up in the countryside and the Tokyo trains in their massive stations could sometimes still be something exciting for the girls.
"Getou-sensei doesn't want to go down there with all the stinky monkeys," Nanako said, loudly.
"Na-"
"It's alright," Suguru said. "If you want to take a train back."
You felt Mimiko lean her head against yours. The girls were not quite yet nine. They would get heavy if you carried them for long, but you'd carried heavier.
"Let's walk for a bit," you said, drawing up to him so you were shoulder to shoulder, so the twins' knees would nearly knock together if it weren't for your mate's advantage in height. "Manami can come pick us up when we're done."
Suguru purred, in some kind of encouragement you thought, the deep sound rumbling out to encompass the four of you. You knew he hadn't brought it up because some of the curse users who were showing up were making you... territorial. Manami maybe wasn't entirely to blame. She was another alpha and had shown up when the bond-mark between you and Suguru was still new.
But Suguru had since made it very clear that she was lower in the hierarchy of the family than you were, which helped. A little. Enough that you were comfortable ordering her around for his comfort at least.
Manami still passed Suguru a tablet once she found you with a car. When you tried to glare at her in the mirror, he just handed it to you with a laugh.
Opening it filled you with dread. You didn't want to know what he was up to half the time. But it wasn't the worst thing you'd seen. And most of it was - oh.
"This is my project," you murmured, flipping through a document.
It wasn't very detailed. At best it could be called an outline of the information you'd sought, but you could fill in more of it.
Suguru leaned over your shoulder, pulling back from talking to the twins likely unwisely seated together in the front seat. He had rolled up his sleeves at some point and his skin where it brushed yours was very warm.
You glanced up at him, only for him to raise an eyebrow and hum in expectation.
You pressed your lips together and looked back at the tablet, slowly curling up with Suguru around it as he pointed out details and you made notes with a stylus.
He took it back when Manami said something you hadn't heard, but this time you let him, after giving him a stern look. "Nothing stressful," you reminded him lowly. Both of you knew it was more a hope than command, but he took it good naturedly.
He leaned forward to discuss a job with the other alpha and you leaned back, head on the sun-warmed leather seat, pressed thigh to thigh with Suguru, thinking of what was in the refrigerator to make for dinner, of how you would get around the school's - it was still weird to think of that as the marker for the sorcerer world, to be on the other side of "us and them" - monitoring in order to get the project going, wondering if it would be harder or easier to get Nanako to actually go to sleep after the day you'd had.
Who would have thought running off with a condemned criminal would turn out to be so domestic? It wasn't a new thought, but it certainly made it easier to pretend that this was not as bad as it could be. It was not as bad as it could be. Maybe there wasn't only blood at the end of the road.
Nanako called your name and you lifted your head up to see her squishing her head between the seat and the wall, hair all scrunched up against the plastic.
"Hmm?"
"Do you think Mimiko should dye her hair?"
"Does Mimiko want to dye her hair?"
The girls had decided on western style food for dinner and had finally quieted down enough that they were settled in front of the television with the workbooks one of the tutors Suguru tolerated had them working on.
Yet another reason to the move the project forward. For now, the girls had not yet divided the world around them into sorcerers and non-sorcerers. They were still receptive to genuine kindness from normal humans. But Suguru's distaste for the visitors was obvious to you and you didn't want to wait for the twins to start mirroring it to their tutors' faces.
You moved laundry from the washer to the dryer and filled the first machine up again while Suguru pulled ingredients down from the cabinets.
When you got back to the kitchen, it was your turn to sag against him, flopping to the floor and resting your head on his lower back when he went to rummage in the refrigerator for a drink.
"What?"
You let out a helpless giggle, all the thoughts you had quieted while in public rushing back now that you were back at home.
Suguru bit back a wide smile, the sort of genuine smile that reminded you why you'd left, made you glad that you'd followed him.
He sat on the floor at your side, arm propped up on one knee as he popped open a melon flavored pouch of vitamin jelly he'd found.
The sounds of Doraemon came from down the hall but neither of the kids made much noise. Still, you kept your voice low. "We're twenty-one with twin girls. I'm exhausted."
Suguru laughed, leaning over until his head was resting on top of yours. You just breathed in the scent of him, the faint remaining smell of sunlight and fresh water from the park which overlaid the traces of the inoffensive laundry soap you all used and over that his scent, shifting layers of pine and blackberry, mint, and white tea. You would know him anywhere.
You reached up and felt his forehead with the back of your fingers. Still warm, like you had worried it might be.
Suguru pulled your hand away, pressing his lips to your index finger and threading your fingers together on his lap.
"It's fine."
"Let me worry for you," you say. If there is no one else, let me be the one to remember you are human.
"Alright," he says, such a soft affirmation, using his thumb to massage circles on your still captured hand while he humors you.
All the words pile together at the base of your tongue, flooding up now that they are given permission. He's been working too hard - consuming curses from humans that make even you tempted to try your hand at the kind of murder that's more than just business, relocating to this temple in the last year, making sure that the operation is entirely under the radar so that he doesn't get caught before he's ready, managing the incredibly petty squabbling between the chairmen and leaders of the cults he's pulled together under his feet.
And it's not like you're not also stressed. You're not kidding when you say it's hard work parenting when you're technically still on the run. It's easy to transfer money so thankfully you don't have to do something as stereotypical and dastardly and inconvenient as drag actual bags of cash around, but at your insistence there are go-bags in your closet, one for each of you. You know Suguru has made that stupid little worm with the infinite stomach swallow things other than weapons.
Maybe there is money in there. Who knows. But the point is you're not the one that gets hit with dry heats on top of migraines and nausea so bad he can't eat, and you're not the one suffering through them just to make another point in front of the monkeys.
And you miss Satoru. You don't know why you're thinking of him so much today. Maybe because he always found a way to make Suguru laugh and it's getting harder and harder to do that these days. He spends too much time behind the faces he wears when he's in that stupid monk's uniform.
You eye the vitamin pack and Suguru rolls his eyes at you, squeezing more of the jelly into his mouth.
"We don't know if this one is going to go all the way," he reminds you. Which is probably why he picked that and not one of the calpico or canned teas. You swear he eats like an old man (or a child, you recalled Suguru and Satoru picking through bags of candy on the lawn, no middle ground). You'd learned to make shojin ryori dishes as a joke about the priest thing and because doing it calmed you down whenever you started panicking about what Suguru was doing at the rebranded Star Cult and what you were doing waiting at home like his stay-at-home alpha.
"The thing I hate most--" you hesitated but Suguru's clear apprehension spurred you on. "The thing I hate most is seeing you in pain."
He barely hesitates before he's pulled back enough to let you see the slightly licentious look on his face, a growl behind his words when he leans in close to your ear. "That's not what it felt like when you made me come screaming last time."
Immediately your face flares hot, rushing from your chest to the top of your head. You know he's trying to distract you. It doesn't stop you from whipping your head to the door and your breath going silent, shallow and quick. You're praying there are no approaching footsteps to match the rapid pattering of your heart in your ears.
There's nothing. Everything is right here in front of you, one hand clutching his stomach as tears of silent laughter spring to the corner of his eyes.
He's trying to be quiet as you are, cognizant of the kids not too far away, but a peal of laughter still escapes when he goes to take a breath. "Wish you could see your face."
It's very tempting to remind Suguru what his face looked like, flushed and panting, too strung out to look like anyone but himself, but you're not quite that shameless.
You're also not quite detached enough not to etch this face into your memory too. The one that looks like it comes from a different time and place entirely from anywhere you've been with Suguru before. You think that maybe this is what's on the other side of Suguru's poisoned dream.
Someone joyous and terrible, who does not need to understand their place on the altar of the world because it is already known, someone who understands without burden.
Yet it's distinctly immature the way he snickers at you trying to restore a bit of your composure by channeling the heat in your body away.
If anyone ever finds this memory, you will blame the impulsiveness of youth on the way you hiss out "maybe we should actually get you pregnant with twins and see who's laughing." It's not exactly fair to start something you can't finish - you can hear water boiling on the stove - but you can also hear the way the air catches in his throat and see red splashing across his cheeks like you've slapped him.
There's a tingle that goes down your neck when you watch Suguru shiver, even while your hands are already going to your mouth. "Sorry," you squeak out past your fingers.
Suguru coughed out a sheepish laugh, red slowly making its way to the tips of his ears. "Weren't you the one that just said two makes you tired? What are we going to do with four?"
Keep you out of trouble for a year?
"I don't know," you say instead, almost without thinking, still in shock at your own words. "People says babies are cute. We missed the twins' terrible twos so we'd get to do that."
"Who wants to experience temper tantrums?"
At that you scoffed your eyes, "Like you haven't seen someone way older through a tantrum before."
The red was finally fading from Suguru's cheeks as he rolled his eyes in agreement. He sucked thoughtfully on the supplement pack, sitting back against the wall. You knew you were thinking of at least one of the same people.
He stayed on the floor when you got up and dumped a package of pasta into the now roiling pot, stirring it doubtfully. It wasn't what you had grown up eating and even following a recipe you weren't always sure you had gotten things right. The kids seemed to think it was good enough though so you left it after dumping more salt into the water.
You settled back down next to him. So rare were the days when you got him, just him, all to yourself. No robes, no swallowing down bitter curses, no cruel, empty shape to his face when he returned.
The sun was starting to set.
You pressed your forehead to Suguru's temple, caressing his cheek and pulling him as close as he would allow. Something in him fell away, resistance or tension. He gave the vaguest shiver once more when you used your other hand to slip beneath the collar of his shirt and trace your fingers around the bite on the back of his shoulder.
It wasn't a sorcerer's mating. Suguru accepted your distance from the cults' cursework but would not risk the hold on his power. He'd wanted the mark though. You were not sure why.
He still seemed less on-edge when the inevitable scuffle came down the hall and you pulled apart with one last nuzzle.
"Can I have a snack?" Nanako asked, but you could see Mimiko hanging in her shadow for a second before she brought her workbook up with her and set it down on the ground at your side.
Suguru offered Nanako the rest of the vitamin supplement and she just wrinkled her nose at him. His eyes were soft when he heaved himself up with a sigh, stretching to treat you with a flash of his toned stomach.
He just seemed smug when you tsk'd at him and he went to start cutting up an apple for the girls to share.
You brought Mimiko over to the table where you pointed out the correct strokes on her kanji practice.
Dinner was a more subdued affair, children tired but satisfied in their adventures. The twins recount the boat ride. It seems to have satisfied Mimiko's curiosity but now Nanako wants to go back. There's a zoo in your future apparently, but also she likes the water. And clambering back and forth between the boats. She's got a delinquent streak in her, a confident irreverence that makes it all too easy to imagine some other way for how she'd come into your life.
Mimiko cajoles her, already intent on imitating Suguru's surface level decorum. Nanako's power has to do with pictures but Mimiko is the one who watches with sharp dark eyes.
It's disrespectful to the food to be filled with such dark feelings but you again feel a pulse of hate for the villagers you had never met. The ones who had locked such bright young girls in a cage. The ones who had likely been involved in their parents' deaths.
You're not glad that Suguru killed them all but you are glad that they have you now. Spilling pasta sauce across the table and pouring their salad on top of it so they have a hard time finishing both things and all.
More dishes, more laundry, then the children to brush their teeth while Suguru showers and then you do the same right after while he reads to them, telling them sorcerers stories of spirits and old heroes. It's a rhythm that is all too easy to follow. There is always something to do in the house and Suguru refuses "monkey" servants in his living space so you two do it all yourselves.
If you wanted, it would be easy to forget just how far you've stumbled from the life you once thought you would live.
Suguru's hair is so long it is still damp when you pull a comb through it, sitting cross legged on the low bed. It's left a wet patch in the middle of his back and you pull the shirt from his skin so it dries faster. Your knuckles brush the soft skin at the back of his neck when you lift his hair but it's so typical you are in one anothers' space he barely blinks.
How strange to be sentenced to death but, in these moments, no longer feel destined to die.
You twist layers of Suguru's hair around your fingers to keep it from frizzing up while he reads to you, book lying open in one broad palm while he turns the pages with his left hand.
It's a book of poetry. Suguru claims that practicing the careful cadences helps him when he has to speak at the cult. There is something rhythmic and hypnotic, quietly powerful and passionately mad about the speeches he makes to the masses, stepping into that role. But you like listening to him read because he does it without flinching, without forcing himself to passionately hate the hands that wrote the words. He does better when he doesn't see normal people. You've not quite figured out how to bring up the fact that non-sorcerers do most of the producing in the world and you're not sure how he expects modern life to survive the purge.
You suppose he doesn't, expect it to that is.
"-here I choose to dwell, the world in which I live, men have named a 'Mount of Gloom'. The color of the flower has already passed away while I set my gaze on trivial things-"*
His black hair is heavy like silk in your hands when you tug it out of the way to begin kneading into his back. Suguru's always been so beautiful. His shoulders are broad, his arms thick with muscle, his waist is wide too. He has a strong, solid silhouette built from years of fighting. He has scars, including the faded remains of the cross Toji had carved into his chest.
Sorcerers in this world did not often get a life of happiness.
Suguru put down the book in favor of pressing a kiss to the inside of your arm, pulling your fingers away from the scar. "You know having kids hurts, right?"
You buried your face in the back of his neck with a snort, rubbing your face into the soft sleep shirt and his solid back to scent your mate as he stroked the soft skin where his lips had just touched, wrapping both of his hands around yours so it was engulfed in his warmth, dipping his head to press his brow to your wrist. The wrong kind of hurt, masked again by a poor attempt at humor.
With your free hand you pressed circles into the muscle of his lower back and hips. Suguru folded forward with a low hum. He let you go so he didn't pull you over his shoulder, but his hand chased yours, fingers still tangled together for a moment over his shoulder.
"You always get tight when you're stressed and then you get headaches," you murmured. Still the wrong kind of hurt.
Suguru called your name. He lay the book in its nook within his bedside table and twisted around so that he was looking at you.
Looking at you with one of those half-stranger faces, as he often did when he wanted to lie to you. Only for it to become him again, only him, a flicker of something through his eyes.
"I'm fine," he said finally. "We knew that achieving my dream doing was going to be difficult."
You hadn't gone with him to change the world together. You also hadn't gone with him knowing that you could love someone this much. Even through this madness.
His cheek was soft and his lips softer when you kissed him. "I know."
Suguru's soft expression was the last thing you saw before using your technique to turn off the light. He huffed in faint amusement but didn't complain. He had not released you and you did not want to let him go.
You were already half tangled together before you laid side by side in the dark but as you always did, you curled around one another. Even if you did not start out this way, as long as you woke in the same bed beside your mate, it always ended up like this - twined together like choking vines, legs slotted together, arms tossed around one another.
Tonight Suguru hooked you close by your waist. His head you tucked under your chin, slowly resuming running your fingers through his hair, massaging circles at the base of his skull and rumbling in pleasure when he purred low and sleepy in response.
Even though I cannot help you, thank you for letting me take care of you.
You didn't know what mask he would put on tomorrow, but you knew who he was right now. It felt like stealing, all these moments and days when he was just with you, young and laughing and finding out who he was without the weight of a new world on his shoulders. Forgetting for a moment the blood on his hands.
No, most sorcerers did not get a life of happiness, but you would take what you could get and tuck it tight to your chest. No matter if it took longer and longer to find Suguru, no matter if one day you could still lose him.
*the poems are the end and start respectively of tanka 8 and 9 (Kisen Hoshi and Ono no Komachi) pulled by happy chance from the Hyakunin isshu which was an anthology collected by Fujiwara no Teika in 1235 and translated in 1917 by Clay MacCauley.
#getou suguru x reader#omega!suguru#alpha!reader#reader insert#alpha reader#omegaverse#io.omegas#jujutsu kaisen#i am quickly realizing that I might actually prefer writing the alpha goes with gojo version of this tragedy#it's not at all that i don't enjoy writing this. i love getou dearly#but there's a specific kind of pain associated with watching himfall further and further and knowing nothing can stop it#and writing from the point of view of someone who's not sure if they should lose themselves with him or hold onto the way things are normal#trying to keep him from being alone in the dark#i'm not sure if he's dark enough to make the alpha kill humans#but i also don't think they think they have the power/safety to teach the girls that they shouldn't kill humans#they don't think they have that right given the twins' history#incidentally the park they went to is probably Inokashira park#that's where the swan boats are famous but i'm also not thee most invested in 100% geographic accuracy#especially given i have no idea where getou's temple is located in the city (or if it's even in Tokyo)#calpico is actually really tasty it's like a milky fruit drink. it tastes like it should have yogurt in it but doesn't#shojin ryori is the overarching term for japanese style buddhist food#it's incredibly delicious and always seemed like it would be a pain to make because full sets really do come on like 10 different plates#anyway happy birthday you punk (fondly)#(guys i wrote this in like? december??? and I was so torn up about waiting until suguru's birthday but!#i didn't realize it would be here so soon! and i think it was worth the wait. I hope you do too <3)#happy birthday getou suguru
197 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey y'all! I have to preface this two-part question by saying it is not based on something I am currently experiencing, but something that happened years ago 1. Can anaphylaxis cause low blood sugar? 2. How bad is a blood sugar level in the 40s? Again, based on something from years ago, not now (just in case someone skipped the first paragraph) Like, I understand that that's very low blood sugar and is bad but idk how bad? At the time it happened I was at an urgent care and, uh, not tracking what was happening super well (both the things definitely happened at the same time, but I am unsure if they were related things)
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#anaphylaxis mention#blood sugar mention#I just assumed it was the anaphylaxis that caused it#but then was like huh maybe I should google that#and the results seemed...unclear?#and if I had super low blood sugar in a medical setting and it wasn't from allergies and my doctors are still saying#no you don't have low blood sugar don't worry#I am going to be a little bit mad. but if it is allergies#(and is something that only happens with anaphylaxis) I guess I can prove to my dad I have severe allergies???#my dad does think I have severe allergies kinda#but more that the allergies interact very very badly with my tachycardia and salt issues#which. to be fair. they do.#I get dehydrated at the drop of a hat so anything that makes me puke risks making me unable to rehydrate myself#thankfully I have kinda cracked the code (the secret is I Cannot Drink Water until I stop puking)#(only drinks that have salt and preferably sugar in them)#but still! would be nice to have him stop encouraging me to try NSAIDs again#because of the like ten hour delay between me eating anything and going into anaphylaxis#the doctors were like well. you took an advil and it's almost definitely that#and the reaction was severe enough you Should Not Try It Again
13 notes
·
View notes