#i think i have an ed again

[capybara-fanatic]

tw for ed in the tags, as one does

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[courviknight]

happy holidays and a happy new year, @ko-rka!! i am your secret santa for @fmasecretsanta ^^

i drew for you emo punk ed fashion, cats, and stars... and let me tell you, it's been SUCH a pleasure drawing as i've listened to your mcr playlist!! i ended up liking a lot of songs on spotify back-to-back, but some of my favorites were "to the end" and "sleep"

i hope you like it, and i'm wishing you the best for the new year! :]

[saltpepperbeard]

man. just.

watching ed and stede’s first kiss and seeing all the casual intimacy. the way they’re so close together. the way they’re whispering in tones reserved just for each other. the way ed keeps his hand(s) on stede and always maintains that physical, affectionate touch.

…and thinking about how much more we could have gotten, how much more we would have seen with the both of them on the same page together, as an official couple.

man.

[fisheito]

callback to my tags from months ago:

now SWITCH

[uncanny-tranny]

It actually does bother me that eating is treated like spending money - that you have an allotted allowance in the form of calories that you are supposed to budget.

"How are you spending your calories?" I'm spending them on experiences. I'm spending them on time with my community, my people, those who matter to me. I'm spending them on satiating a human need. I'm spending them on the feeling of being alive and not just living.

If there is one experience that I don't want to "pay" for, it's the basic human right of comfort, security, community, and care.

[zo1nkss]

It's just that ppl who woobify the yt antagonist ALWAYS get the fan service. They ALWAYS get to live in their little fantasy world where the guy did nothing wrong and they can just go about their lives pretending everything is fine.

But for once a showrunner didn't choose them and they can't fucking handle that.

[fella-lovin-fella]

my back has been hurting so bad i had to sleep in one position the entire night and i woke up this morning STILL in so much pain. surely this is normal and regular for 22 year olds

[boxwinebaddie]

my favorite baby style ncu continuity is cute tiny hopeless romantic kindergarten disney prince stan falling in love with kyle broflovski at first sight and buying every flavor of ring pop trying to propose to him like 'you are...the most Beautiful person i've ever seen.'

and evil feral kindergarten nj kyle threatening to bite him, fight him and end his pitiful life like 'and you are...so Gahdamn WEIRD. stay the hell away from me, yA FREAK!' and trying to bear mace him skdhs

— but then k-garten stan doing something incredibly wholesome, mindboggling stupid and storybook chivalrous to save k-garten kyle's life, the ice around his cold black heart melting, bein forever changed and falling head over heels in love w boy hero k-garten stan...

...all to take the fATTEST L OF ALL FUCKING TIME because he is too emotionally constipated to confess his feelings and end up gettin stuck in the super best friend zone FOREVER bc every day perfect stan marsh gets lovelier, handsomer and....Fucking STUPIDER.

[arsenicflame]

at this point if a post implies s1 izzy was homophobic in any way its lost me. we have moved past the need for homophobic + gay izzy interpretations

[leatherbookmark]

our flag means death S2E3: the innkeeper

[itsjusteds]

Post fall Owen anyone? I can’t stop thinking about him…

[abluescarfonwaston]

Now if Beanix got thrown back in time he'd instantly become a key witness in a murder case Bratworth is assigned.

He's worse than Larry in 3-5. Active nightmare. Hiding evidence until Bratworth says the magic words. (It is please twice but the third time it's not.) Making him play silly games. Being both super shifty but also Miles Weird girl.

They are handcuffed together for several hours. (Gumshoe you did Not just drop the key down- IM SO SORRY SIR.) (Kinky Edgeworth.) (Shut it.)

The case is solved and during the high of victory Bratworth pins Beanix to the wall and kisses him. Gets his hand under that beanie and knocks it off as Phoenix starts giving it as good as he's getting.

Gasps. Pulls back. All those strange things Phoenix said lining up in a logical checkmate that makes no sense at all. Phoenix grabs him by the base of the skull and pulls him back. "That doesn't make sense." He says, objecting to what hasn't been said. "I'm just Mr. Wrong. Put that away." Kisses like a bite down Edgeworths smooth jaw. "I know your good at locking things away."

Slowly Edgeworth melts back into it. Yes of course that would be absurd. Wrong is too old. It can't be. Snaps back to it to pin those wandering hands. "I am. Do I need to lock these up again?"

They bang in the family restroom in the courthouse.

[saltpepperbeard]

stepping through scenes™ as i do and

...there was another shoulder touch?

THERE HAD BEEN ANOTHER SHOULDER TOUCH?????

[grocerystoreanxiety]

my tolerance for ppl is getting concerningly low

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm going to be real, I think people (particularly neurotypical people) really fail when they see disordered eating as solely a behaviour when it isn't just that (and usually they assume the behaviour can only be restricted eating). Disordered eating is as much a frame of thinking as it is a "behaviour".

I say this is a failure because people are struggling, and they aren't receiving help they need because they're not seen as "eating disordered". The mindset that leads to somebody developing the behaviours associated with disordered eating is - in my experience - absolutely life-ruining and devastating. It genuinely feels like a huge part of your soul has shriveled up and vanished. When you see disordered eating as a behaviour, you are fundamentally not understanding what these issues tend to be, and how they arise.

This is so, so especially important for people who don't "look" the way society expects. For instance, the number of men I see absolutely destroyed by these thoughts, feelings, and compulsions is really almost astonishing. We need to do better for everybody - everybody deserves the help they want and need.