#i think i can get back to it maybe december or smth idk
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hi guys, I know I am taking so much time updating, but I recently quit my job, moved across the world to Chile, married my gf, and started learning Spanish, so you can imagine I haven't been in the right headspace. anyway I'm alive, pls look at our cats in the meantime
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sobbing crying not majoring in bugs means i cant go for any of the fun bug internships *explodes*
#what if i just said fuck it and changed my major. what then#sorry there was an internship called seasonal mosquito technician and it is abt studying mosquitos. im dying#god i want to finish school so badly but i mean. i could say fuck it and stay in this hell city in this hell of a home just to add a second#major for bio..... but idk. it wouldnt kill me w the cost bc this school is cheap as shit but god im so stressed idk if i could do it#but also i could just stay w psych and come back later when im older and hopefully less stressed. idk. it's killing me that bugs are so#perfect and i chose fucking. human-oriented field of study *sobs*#idk idk i can still have bugs as hobby. i can be a cool sex therapist and then come back for bugs. but im still dying#but also im always dying. i can be content w psych for now i can do it i can graduate in december and then go for my masters#in smth that actually interests me and i can have fun and then i can come back for bugs when im more ready to deal w school again ig#but still..... mosquito technician......#either way i couldnt do it bc i dont have a drivers license but god i want to work w bugs so bad#maybe i should just get a pet bug or something. raise butterflies. engage more w bugs so i dont feel crazy#i feel like i do this should-i-change-my-major song and dance every few months but whatever#i will be more into psych next semester when more fun classes come up i think i have a gender and sexuality class in the fall that's#fun and cool and will make me less miserable
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i mentioned this on here before but i have a friend who is abt to get married and like i just realized thats probably the death knell for our friendship
#we've been drifting apart for a while and i feel like. i mean maybe i dont reach out to her as often as i should like its not like im#texting her everyday or anything but everytime that group does smth#she seems to have some excuse not to come or to leave early and like it only got worse w the boyfriend and now theyre getting married#and like. they JUST got engaged and the date is set for may 20th#and like i could sit here and kid myself and be like well we can still be friends! but i just know she is going to have no time for me when#shes actually married if she already has so little time for me now#we're not best friends rn obviously but there was a couple years in high school where like. she was the one in our group that i was closest#to like i think we spent some very important years as eachothers first confidant or whatever and we used to like. laugh so hard together#idk#like i think ive laughed the hardest in my life w her yk. and maybe i should have accepted it earlier bc it has been like this for a while#where she just doesnt seem to care to make any time for me but man. this moment its just rlly getting me.#i actually saw her today for the first time since my birthday which was in december. which is what cemented it. i found out abt the date.#i met him. i saw the ring. and then she left early. with him. after not seeing me for months and seeing him every day. idk#i maybe kinda guilted her as she left or like idk just told her i thought she should stay since we havent seen eachother in so long and she#told me oh its ok well hang out soon! its spring break next week we can totally hang out! and i just told her straight up well ok you text#me because im always the one trying. and i think idk maybe its not fair ik at a certain point if ppl dont want to be in your life you cant#force them. but its just like. idk i miss her. like thats it literally i miss her. i feel like a little kid i just want her back i want to#laugh and talk and tell her abt every dumb little thing going on in my life i want her back! what the fuck!#anyway well see if she texts me over spring break. i dont have my hopes up#im gonna like. go to her bridal shower and bachelorette party and the wedding and everything obviously but after that. idk i dont have my#hopes set too high. well i kind of do. like in the back of my head i keep being like maybe! im moving a little closer so maybe! we wont be#as busy over summer break so maybe! im trying to see more of our mutual friends so maybe!#but. i dont think i can keep reaching out it makes me sad every time. i hope she does reach out to me and all i can do is keep a place in m#life open for her if she wants it but. if she doesn't theres nothing i can do#thats what i have to accept. its so hard though. im just really sad like thats it. i miss her and im sad. it really feels like grieving not#to be dramatic like obviously shes not dead but grieving the friend i had. i guess thats a thing. but i um. hate it.#ok. well.#gn now actually i was supposed to go to bed and then i realized that and then i cried and then i had to scream it into the void. idk if#i feel better but. i do feel tired. goodnight#zem diary
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reply roundup!
had to put these on hold for a while for personal reasons </3 they're likely to still be infrequent, but in honor of kirb2k!
(my notes would only load back to mid september so I missed a couple weeks sorry :c but be warned that this is a long one! it's 3 entire months' worth!)
also, reminder that kirb2k ends tomorrow!!! preorders, commissions, and auctions will all close at noon pst on sunday december 17th! everything is linked in the pinned post or filed under the tag kirb2k!
first is one more birthday kirb from my friend @sleepy-sheep-wizard:
Realized halfway thru that I don’t know what Kirby looks like off the top of my head, so I got funky with it. Happy birthday, thank you for being a good friend
thank you again friend <3 getting funky with it is truly in the spirit of just drawing a little guy for fun, I love his little hat in particular.
on [mirror] @shapeshifterwithafez said: uuuh is Scherben bringen Glück/ Shards bring luck a universal saying? sounfs clinky as a direct translation. anyways in germany we say that shards of stuff you broke brings luck so I hope the luck finds you or smth sorry for rambling ^^
I'd never heard this saying before, but I think it's very sweet! thank you for sharing it with me :)
on [pipefight] @hauntedppgpaints said: goalies with a skate blade and their stick in hand
big hockey vibes for real yeah lol
on [pink] @gaydiation-poisoning said: ...I wanna eat that pink
honestly same, it's sooo pleasing
on [rain] @hive-heart said: Everything alright, daily kirby guy?
not really but sitting by the window in the rain is a good thing lol thanks for asking <3
(also the person who tagged that same post myhouse.wad made me laugh)
on [photo] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a picture of their cat and said: get adored idiot!! see the hate in her eyes? I’ll make her love me yet!!
me @ my partner's cat
@violet-dragongirl said: oh! I have been meaning to ask! Have you played Kirby and The Forgotten Lands? I assume you did but just wanted to say that I did about a week ago and I loved it and thought of your art! ^.^ And if you haven't, yes, Carby is super adorable and amazing :3
I have! I got it very shortly after it came out, I had a really good time with it. I've been slowly replaying it recently with my partner, they were kind of fond of kirby just by proxy but since we started playing they adore bandee now and say he never gets enough screen time XD I'm glad you also had fun!
on [mice] @ceylonsilvergirl said: girls like swarms of things, right?
idk bro my wife wasn't so big on it when I got a gig housing 30 mice, but maybe she's weird. I liked them. (sadly one of the best paying jobs I've ever had up until the owner lost it and abandoned them with me, yes I still took care of them for the rest of their little lives) (and yes I also got my wife's okay before I took them on in the first place)
on [covid] @mordantivore said: reading posts from when the era of covid safety was declared anathema and ended is haunting. we were so desperate to find ppl willing to help us stay alive. there are fewer of us now bc “allies” are worthless & more of us have died
yeah. fuck. I'm lucky that the people in closest proximity to me are at least moderately careful, but me and my wife and partner are usually the only ones wearing masks anywhere we go except sometimes the employees and I know they don't always wear them when they're out without me.
on [swim] @northeasternwind said: Jdjdjfkg imagining Kirby being way more bouyant than your average human so them gotta exhale REAL HARD or attach nega-floaties (sinkies?) like weights to dive
lol yeah they probably gotta try So Hard to actually get under the water. (I think diving weights/ballast is a thing that humans use too? I've never gone diving, having my face underwater stresses me out -n- )
on [float] @nickiemoot said: he has to go now. his planet needs him. *slide whistle*
I can only hear this as that one similar part from one of the asdfmovies, it delights me
@vampiricarus said: if you see this just know i love your art so much
aww thank you! <3
anonymous said: just wanted to say I love Kirby and I love your art! I’m always excited to see it on my dash. thank you for bringing a little joy to my life :) I need it once in a while like I’m sure a lot of others do too! Keep up the good work :))
thank you! drawing a little guy brings me a little joy too, I'm glad it can do the same for others <3
on [drain] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Existing is hard work sometimes. A lot of the time
fuck dude it sure is <3 especially when my body keeps trying to shut down lol
on [mud] @why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken said: Hey man are u doing ok
I am not, thanks for asking <3
on [tummyache] @hobgirl said: :o kirby the gorb why would you do that!!!!! why!!!!!
I didn't want it to go to waste!!! everyone is dumb sometimes!!!
on [wizard] @eau-the-agony said: not enough appreciation in the wizarding world for garlic salt spell. its all kung pow penis tgis and ketamine ape that. not enough of the small joys which carry us through the horrors like a dinky garbage raft
you are so right. the small joys are the most powerful of all.
on [wizard] @beepbeepdespair said: somehow didnt know garlic salt was a thing until this moment. now i really want some. i think i just found a kg of it online for 12 quid??
I am so pleased that you now have the knowledge of Garlic Salt Spell, I hope you got to try it out for yourself :D
on [zelda] @chaos-squared said: Good job!! I’ve had it for longer yet still haven’t completed it ;w;
nothing wrong with that! I only finished it as quickly and thoroughly as I did because I was basically bedridden for all of october, as long as you enjoy the time you do spend with a game it doesn't really matter how much time you spend or how far you get.
on [brave] @gudetamalover said: me tomorrow afternoon when I get all four wisdom teeth out
I'd already had several other oral surgeries on account of Weird Teeth before I got my wisdom teeth out but it still knocked me on my ass for a couple days, I hope your recovery went as smooth as possible! (altho that was also like. 15 years ago. and general anesthesia has gotten a lot better since then.)
on [shiny] @angst-and-fajitas said: Like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head
bald! bald! bald! bald!
on [powerwash] @chronicdilf said: decemberb 16 im goign to walk across the damn stage get my damn diploma folder im going to go home and POWERWASHER SIMULATOR JUST LIKE KIRBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah!!! you're gonna do it!!! you might be doing it right now even!!!
on [cooked] @hobgirl said: oh mood kirby..... struggling with the very last paper i need to write before i can graduate and its got me feeling this way fr
ough, I hope you made it through your paper! lots of people graduating tho that's so cool, congrats to both of you!
on [bears] @jupiterlandings said: I get so happy every time I see Cake and the name Cake being tagged :)
it's such a good name for a bear, I'm grateful you thought of it!! especially given the best I could do for the other one was "kirbear" lol
@violet-dragongirl said: omg seeing that Fav Grobs Post you recently put up makes me so happy! over a thousand (and then some!) GORBS?! :D I'm not only impressed but so proud ya made it this far and I'm so glad you got possibly more to go of Kirby!! :D!! Really great job 🥰🥰
thank you! I'm gonna hit 2000 days of drawing kirby tomorrow, that's so wild!
on [popular] @timeturner-jay said: Op your Kirby art brings so much utter joy you have no idea <3
yay I'm glad <3 I love to draw a little guy, it's good I'm not the only one having fun lol
I got a lot of "good blaze op" on the [macarena], and you're all correct, thank you for recognizing my great decision making B) (I'd been meaning to add the music and blaze it from basically the moment I drew it, I've just been really sick so it took a while.)
(also even if I don't always gather them in the roundup there are names I recognize showing up repeatedly in the tags, some of whom have been here for years, and I'm always glad to see you're still around!)
#text#title text#long post#readmore#reply roundup#asks answered#kirb2k#swearing#coronavirus#sleepy-sheep-wizard#not my art#shapeshifterwithafez#hauntedppgpaints#gaydiation-poisoning#hive-heart#ceylonsilvergirl#violet-dragongirl#mordantivore#northeasternwind#nickiemoot#vampiricarus#anonymous#why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken#hobgirl#eau-the-agony#beepbeepdespair#chaos-squared#gudetamalover#angst-and-fajitas#chronicdilf
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theories for chain of thorns
i had these posted on my gr from like december, im just posting them here
- lucie will now be an antagonist lets be honest we all know it. necromancers are NOT good people and thats the path lucie chose for herself by wanting to save jesse
- someone major will die idk who it is yet, but my instincts tell me its matthew or alistair. the second wouldnt make sense tho – if alistair dies, how would the carstairs line continue down to emma??? hopefully itll be tatiana that bitch
- jamie x daisy its inevitable guys, have you seen the snippets? im rooting for them theyre perfect
- thomas and alistair are NOT gonna end up together this was a gut feeling when i wrote it but as of jan 5 i have a legible reason as to why they would not be happy and its the next theory
- IM SCARED THOMAS IS GONNA DIE the “found family tree” says that thomas died TWO YEARS before barbara. i understand cassie has repeatedly stated that its been manipulated (she hinted that it was changed by the silent brothers) and isnt reliable. but isnt that disturbing?? esp considering theres at least part of it thats reliable, and thats the fact that alistair will 100% go on to marry a woman despite being gay. if alistair doesnt have kids, and cordelias children are all herondales, then the carstairs family would die out and emma would not be related to jem (even tho its been stated that they are related by blood). “oH bUt SoNa iS pReGnAnT mAyBe ShEs GoNnA GiVe BiRtH tO a bOy” first of all, theres a chance the baby is born a girl second of all, the baby might die third of all, where is the son on the family tree? fourth of all, SONA IS, ACCORDING TO THE TREE, DEAD BEFORE THOMAS. PLEASE.
- grace x christopher i despise grace but she acts like a different person around kit… maybe he can fix her
- anna x ariadne she cant fuck up ALL the gay relationships, now can she?
- the merry thieves are gonna forgive alistair (specifically matthew) bro he literally made out with one of them TWICE. if matthew doesnt think “well shits gonna get awkward if i dont forgive the sorry bastard” istg~ 💀
- this is more of a hope than a theory MATTHEW FAIRCHILD SHALL ACHIEVE THE HAPPINESS HE DESERVES smth tells me he wont get a happy ending tho… i mean, if my above theory abt thomas is correct~
- SO DOES ALISTAIR I MEAN CMON GUYS #justiceforalistair he regrets the shit hes pulled and therefore your hate against him for it is invalid PLUS HE GOT BULLIED BY RACIST PIECES OF SHIT HE DID WHAT HE COULD TO MAKE IT STOP
- matthew will open up abt his secret its like a routine at this point, in every shadowhunters series. a character has a secret that nearly kills them outta despair, they open up to friends, theyre met with love and support. jace loving his “sister”. wills “curse”. emma and jules’ relationship. ty bringing back livvy. alec being gay. you get used to it lol
- either lucie or matthew would have their marks stripped lucie for attempting/committing necromancy, and matthew because sobh said he doesnt have a specified death date (also i think cassie just hates him)
- jesse will be evil bro wouldnt that be cruel… like imagine after lucie brings him back hes like “haha i manipulated you to bring me back i never loved you” and then sHe GETS HER RUNES STRIPPED FOR NECROMANCY and its worse bc the shadowhunters are already out to get the herondales bc they refuse to accept tessa as anything but a warlock no but in that case she would prolly go to live with wills parents OKAY BUT IMAGINE HOW HEARTBROKEN CHARLOTTE WOULD BE WHILE DOING IT WHILE JAMIE IS CRYING AND MATTHEW SCREAMING AT HER NOT TO AND WILL TELLS HIM TO STOP WHILE TEARS ARE GOING DOWN HIS FACE
- a “seven husbands of evelyn hugo” thing with anna x ariadne and thomas x alistair (credit to my good friend wiz/nisha for saying this) maybe cassie is going to have thomas marry ariadne and anna marry alistair so that they could have a good old switcheroo, so they can swap lovers?? obviously it cant be anna and thomas lmao theyre cousins but thomas and ARIADNE…
- matthew and cordelia ARE going to kiss at one point HOL’ UP I DONT SHIP EM, i think its gonna be a climon kinda thing where they kiss and dont like it as much as they thought they would, and end up deciding to stay friends i think thats the best way cassie could deal with matthews crush on her without breaking anyones heart, i hope to god it wont be like him confessing and her rejecting him plz oml
#chain of thorns theories#chot#chain of thorns#tsc#the shadowhunter chronicles#tlh#the last hours tlh#the last hours#lucie herondale#tatiana blackthorn#james herondale#cordelia carstairs#james x cordelia#cordelia x james#jordelia#thomas lightwood#alistair carstairs#thomas x alastair#thomastair#sona carstairs#grace blackthorn#christopher lightwood#grace x christopher#christopher x grace#anna lightwood#ariadne bridgestock#anna x ariadne#ariadne x anna#merry thieves
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Pit Babe Live Blogging
This show is finally ending, I've been stopping myself from starting it since like December I think when I saw Tiktoks from those early episodes (honestly younger, cute boytoy top Charlie who is so beautiful to me had a hand in that lol). The chatter also seems to really like the show, maybe unexpectedly for quite a few people (also I think at least a certain amount of it is for the side ship? Alan and Jeff or something? who I know nothing about because I only really know some plot points until like ep 4 or smth because I'd look up Tiktoks)
So I really hope I like it! I've only been like "meh, sure" for the 3 shows/movies I've watched so far this month, so I'd love it if this one lives up to my expectations.
Ep 1 (Feb 7)
girl what's going on? okay we're starting with fucking but he's gotta blow off steam bc his senses are too sensitive? Or what's going on?
alpha smell, i died
ohhh dubcon sexual coercion racer/fan hookup as payment <3333
charlie doesn’t have a smell (smth about an enigma in the tiktok comments?) and babe can’t stand alpha scent
fuck off iqiyi ad, right in the middle of the scene
i wonder if Charlie does have ulterior motives other than the car bc tiktok comments hinted at it but i stopped looking at them after a couple eps so didn’t find out
ohhh the objectification and using Charlie as a bet is a doozy
Charlie talking about not exploiting Babe is the funniest shit ever
random villain
I need to sleep almost 2am agh - 28m
back the next morning hehe
Why is this guy who seems to be around the same age as everybody else being called Uncle and referring to himself as old man lmfao is it like how Gumpa was maybe supposed to be older than he was in Not Me?
oh, i like these scenes actually, I usually have a 50-50 on whether I'll skip through these makeout/NC scenes but I'm watching these lmao
Babe being so irritable/standoffish after an orgasm is so funny like why lol
kalsdfjlk;asfjlk;asdfj talking about roleplaying as a maid/wearing maid costume/Charlie calling Babe master omg
Babe doesn't know how to appreciate maid Charlie, give him to me instead
the holes in the walls of Babe's house are so funny like what
Also how old are these people? I think I remember a Tiktok of Charlie going to uni (and Babe following him because he's suspicious lol) and I'm guessing Babe is a couple years older than that?
[Linguistics] Pom and Phi for Charlie while Gu and Mueng for Babe
Babe calling Charlie docile awooga
So was the villain whose face we kinda saw earlier the UAC Corp leader? Tony Chen?
"report about Babe"
okay I'm reading the on-air thread for this on r/boyslove and some people are like hmmm about their chemistry so far and are like why is the NC stuff so tame/vague but personally... I can watch the NC scenes when it's like this, so it's going well in my books lol rip, though I kinda assume it might get more heated in the later eps? Also hm idk about Charlie and Babe's chemistry, it seems fine but not magnetic/magical yet.
Also people in that thread seem to have little to no experience with omegaverse or have mostly read alpha/omega and also seem confused about what's allowed vs not allowed when in fact, there's no rigid rules with omegaverse because it's a literal fanfic concept and you can make it whatever you want. Personally, I haven't read any original book/manhua/etc. with omegaverse but am so well-versed in fanfic a/b/o lol a/a o/o a/o are all great, sometimes with a beta though beta/x do tend to be quite rare, even more than a/a and o/o I feel like?? Also have read OT3 a/b/o or a/a/o or a/o/o etc. Love all the different types of fics omegaverse has to offer: the 4k explicit fics and 20k romances and 60k of criticizing society/trying to break out of the rigid molds/mirroring real world issues/etc. Traditional, medium trad-nontrad, and nontraditional omegaverse can all also be interesting and good.
I'm expecting this one to just be like the 20k kinda non-traditional romances w/ a/a.
Ep 2 (Feb 7)
Oh Tony Chen investor is Babe's literal father?
The fiery flashback transitions lmao
Babe's adoptive father
What's Charlie planning?
the menopause comment is so interesting cuz wtf do you even mean but I'm pretty sure I'm also heard it in reference to men in other BLs maybe Thai ones? So it's probably a different word that refers to a similar thing but not exactly menopause
working for free, not suspicious at all lol
This new repairman kid tuning the car to have more horsepower or whatever is reminding me of a high school class where we were doing AutoCAD and stuff but then also had to ?? create a digital car but neither my partner nor I knew shit about cars so we were fr just trying out whatever and seeing the specs go up and down
[Linguistics] Alan addressing Jeff as Nuu lol
lol the germophobe so I don't touch anybody thing
I did think Jeff and Charlie were working together so this makes sense but I thought the guy who was scheming with Charlie was the same age as him but he calls Charlie Phi and is 20 years old (so Charlie's older than that)
Wait Alan just said Jeff and Charlie are the same age? But Jeff called Charlie Phi, so did Jeff age himself up by a year or two?
Did nobody notice how weird Jeff and Charlie were behaving toward each other?
Why'd they zoom in on Way like that when mentioning the UAC Corp
dang, what plan Jeff and Charlie got cooking up
What is this random physical fight that's Charlie's doing lol
Didn't like the camera work during that fight scene, keep it still
And also this one Red Racing member's an annoying character as he's meant to be but the acting itself annoys me
ahh, Charlie choosing the car he knows is Babe's favourite and Way being like Babe doesn't let anybody get in it but Babe letting Charlie borrow it
"I'm Pit Babe, I don't decide on the wrong people" is crazy omg I hate such expectations
Ouchhhh terrible driving lesson flashbacks when my instructor would yell at my stupidity from the passenger seat like this lmfao
Ouch lol Way being like haha what if I fell in love w you and Babe being like lmfaoooo if we were gonna have sparks, it would've happened long ago
Is Way not an Alpha? why did Babe say I'm good with just chewing alphas? Or did he mean he'd rather do that than fall in love with them?
Alan and Jeff barely exist so far beyond Jeff ignoring Alan and everybody laughing about it but I'm into it. The age difference + Nuu thing is also uh good
The Glances that Alan and Babe share whenever Way's talking and kinda sidelining Charlie makes me think that Babe must know that Way likes him, right?
Red Racing aka the team Tony Cheng (Babe's foster father) is investing in wants to poach Babe?
Saw through some reblog's novel spoiler tags that Jeff's an omega
Ep 3 (Feb 8)
Pouty, whiny, dramatic Charlie and Babe's smile peaking through at the act so cutee
Aw, our tough guy sad backstory
damn, tf he fostered a bunch of kids and did what with them
unexpected telekenesis - if I hadn't been spoiled through a post like 2 hours ago about how it just randomly appears in ep 3, I would've been shocked lmfao
and Babe breaks his no kissing rule
Jeff’s reaction after the sniff kiss from Alan akhdjaja threw him off fr
Alan’s hiding that Pete will take % of price money? or is that just understood?
tbh i dint rlly get the investment and returns cuz the show doesn’t explain it like why couldn’t they do smaller races before but now they can? cause of cost to join the race and fuel and whatever else needed for it without the guaranteed winning money to subsidize it? would it be so expensive to do that they couldn’t go to smaller races at all without investments? how were they doing it before this though like why does it matter if red racing is getting this investment, how does that mean x hunter can’t do the same stuff they’ve done so far?
Ah, I've seen tiktoks of the suspicion and Babe following Charlie
Can Babe tell that it's Jeff
damn girl, how are these thoughts even come into your mind as you drive such at high speed with high concentration
Winner is such annoying character I really cant
Ah, so the driving accident wasn't in this ep but ep 4 I guess
Lol caught a glimpse of the next ep preview and I remember seeing people discuss whether the Way and Babe talking about being boyfriends in the preview is in the past vs present (It looks like the past to me)
This show must actually be insane to watch on air, first the surprise omegaverse and now surprise telekenesis
I understand Way's suspicion of Charlie and he's right to be lol but the way he talks about how nobody cares about him and Babe and Babe shouldn't get too close to people is... I wonder if he really has power to hypnotize through touch bc I did see murmurs about that on the tiktok comments. And I didn't think about this, but Way should've waited a couple days to mention to Babe the results of stalking Charlie since it'll affect Babe's performance
Ep 4 (Feb 9)
Annoyed that I was too busy today to actually watch more than an episode yesterday and I think it'll be the same case today, maybe I'll try to squeeze in 1.5 eps.
Is Babe specifically not mentioning seeing him and Jeff together because he wants Charlie to come clean himself?
Damn, Way really is clutching Babe's arm as he tells him to be alone and not trust in love
Babe so mean for pulling that "shall I be your bf?" thing on Way aksdfj
also young Babe is sooo pretty omg
mopey sad Babe :(
How did Charlie get there?
Oh, Jeff watching but unable to outwardly show concern for Charlie in front of everybody
would Tony do this fr though? I thought it was fuckass Winner
Damn, Winner tryna bribe someone to cut the fluid line or smth in Babe's car idk what that means but sounds bad. stopped by Kim but Winner does say he didn't send those people to beat Babe up, so did Tony really do it? Did Charlie...?
Charlie's endless cooking for Babe ahh
Jeff and Alan hehe
Oh yeah lol Babe's upset at Jeff cuz he thinks Charlie went behind his back w Jeff
woah Jeff can see the future via touch?!?! No wonder he was averse to touching so cool
So does this mean that Charlie and Jeff were also in that house raised by Tony along with Babe? The kids were all separated from each other, so it'd make sense if Babe didn't know them. Interesting
The Tony and Co. have been looking for somebody with Beyond Group Pete's power for a long time? Archery? Hand-eye coordination?
Finally, the car crash. Not much happened this ep tbh since it's continuation of last ep's tensions but hopefully we'll move forward at a faster pace now, either in terms of relationship or plot. I also stopped checking the tiktoks at this point, so I don't know as much now and haven't really seen stuff after this except stuff I've already mentioned like Enigma Charlie? Omega Jeff?
omegaverse + racecar + xmen powers & evil father foistering said powers
Agh, fuck, people are writing novel spoilers obviously and accidentally saw it I think say "Charlie and [Babe I'm guessing] have the same evil foster dad" well the on-air thread people who guessed this like 2 eps ago were correct, gj
Ep 5 (Feb 9)
hmm is it indeed somebody on X Hunter who betrayed Babe? I refuse Charlie and Jeff, would Way do it? Would Tony?
Did Jeff go to that car at night in secret because he wanted to try to prevent the fire since he saw it in that vision?
I mean Alan’s not completely wrong, though Way and Dean came off real strong
exploiting Jeff’s sadness for an ad smh
the person avoided the cameras seeing his face as if he knows where they are…
Pete being like “I thought you guys had a mole and didn’t know”
oh i went to ep 4 on air discussion and ppl were discussing whether charlie can suppress powers/steal powers apparently shown in teaser for this ep and immediately as soon i start this again we get Babe being like why can’t i sense you
choosing Charlie (guy who barely just started training and has never done an actual race before) to take Babe’s place is crazy esp amongst others who may not be good but have actual experience before being thrown into the deep end
well at least they’re gonna test Charlie
wdym? Isn’t Babe too hurt to do a fucking competition?
getting v strong insider job vibes but idk if they’ll make it be Way (suspicious), Dean (suspicious just cuz he’s eager to side w Way), or the youtuber dudes (they seem useless and it’d be boring if it was them)
Ep 6 (Feb 10)
Well, at least they still made Babe win by a fair amount while rookie Charlie who has never competed won by a hair compared to junior Dean who doesn't really win
The directing was bad in this though i literally couldn't tell who was ahead because the cars look the fucking same
Charlie looks sooo good with the kinda mushroom hair here idk omg
What even is this argument? Dean is not acting well here and somehow neither is Alan even though Alan's been fine thus far, though he hadn't had to express too many outward emotions until now
Oof, Way watching Babe walk away from him down to Charlie and going with him
so does this cafe thing happen often or no? and in which countries? First Twinkling Watermelon also had some "story" about their table that the guy had submitted for Se Kyeong and now here Alan did a apology thing for Jeff
Ahh it's so cringe but I'm kinda into it, idk esp the way Jeff keeps trying to not smile
babe and charlie looking at stars scene so romantic
omg children
sorry this mama papa thing is killing me so bad
it’s also killing babe lol he keeps laughing during the roleplay
actually okay idk role playing as each other during the first meeting is kinda fun fr and them giggling through it hehe so cute
Pete watching Way drink at the bar?
Dean so annoying
What did Pete see in Babe's future?!
Ah, publicly saying they're bfs but rip Way
Babe doing that smoke thing was crazy cuz if I was Way, I'd be like damn is he boutta step out of his relationship with me rn
ouch ouch ouch ouch
Unrequited crush on a friend is so saddd even though Way's being annoying about it
broooo that spot when Babe and Way are sitting on the car, looking at the sky - is that the same spot Babe took Charlie?
man, ouch!
I seriously wish the subs were better man
but Babe and Charlie were so cute this ep hehe >.< and Babe was just sooo smiley
I want Charlie to get some more personality soon though because we don't know shit about him and I also can't tell what's genuine vs not with him since he's so secretive
Ep 7 (Feb 10)
Ah, so Babe indeed feels suffocated by how Way tells him to be alone and feels like he can't love anybody
I don't get it, I thought Jeff touching Babe would mean he sees Babe's future, so how can that guy lying in the car not be Babe?
Oof, Way and Pete
Also, I try to track when someone's putting on shoes for a romantic partner/candidate but taking off shoes is also so good and intimate, like now Pete taking Way's shoes off
Are Kim and Kenta supposed to ba thing? Can't remember but hope Kenta stops being Tony's laptop someday
As expected, it was Tony's doing
omggg so many things happening at once, exciting
Kim doing a little investigating to find that Tony sells his kids and Babe's the highest price
and also he called Babe to the place he knew that Charlie would be meeting Tony and Kenta omg
and Tony asking about Jeff
oh yeah lol Babe last ep being like since you're Charlie's nong/brother, you're my nong too :) at Jeff like girl first of all Charlie is also your adopted brother technically so let's not get too familial here lol
Tony seeing Charlie and Babe's interaction... Also, I wonder why Tony doesn't know that Jeff is a mechanic at X-Hunter c'mon
On that note, I also wish Charlie had somehow blurted out that Babe shouldn't tell anybody about Jeff being Tony's son also or tell anybody about Jeff's location
Aw, crying and regretful Babe and heartbroken too
Charlie just SAY it while following Babe around instead of being like P'Babe x10 and asking him to listen/being like let me explain. LIKE JUST EXPLAIN BRUH
Charlie doesn't have a power for real or it's just a power like stealing/suppressing powers that Tony's teachers couldn't sense? especially because Charlie specifically mentioned that Babe was just buying time by running away since they were still after his powers - so maybe Charlie thinks the solution is to suppress those powers and that's why Babe doesn't have them anymore
sorry what are we even talking about right now, they're suggesting that Tony intends to get an Enigma (different even more powerful sort of alpha - 1%) to impregnate Babe????? Because that child will be even more powerful? Like what are we doing right now klajsdflkasdjfk
But anyway, this means no hope of Omega Jeff? Since apparently only Alphas have powers.
Kenta doing these "mistakes" with being sloppy enough so that Kim can find evidence + letting Charlie live with Babe... is he on their side?
Oh, Charlie did indeed make Babe's sense disappear by absorbing/stealing it (and being able to do it so well because he's closer to Babe)
ow ow ow ow owowoowowowowowowoow owwwww Babe thinking back to the first night and how Charlie touched him
oh my goddd all their encounters T.T
tf Charlie can't return Babe's powers unless he dies? no way...
girl why is Charlie even thinking of reconciliation right now, you just told Babe all this stuff you hid from him including the way you stole his powers and can't give it back unless you die
stop, I'm really annoyed by this tone change, this is not the time for mama/papa, I want Babe to blow up on Charlie now to dare to make light of the situation and how much Babe's hurting
ah I can't even appreciate the making up T.T
Also, is the fact that Charlie's not mentioning Jeff gonna be considered a secret later on?
Way waiting for their dinner which he took as a date to the sentimental restaurant vs Babe riding Charlie in the car on the road with the roof down
okay sorry this is a whole lot, too much in fact um
Bro Way gotta escape cuz Babe is fr stringing him along for too long let's end this, make some bad decisions but in terms of drinking too much/fucking random people (Pete) but not hypnotizing Babe or anything. and then, let's move on
broooo why are Alan and Babe just discussing Tony and everything in the garage where there are other people
I thought Babe realized that Way liked him... does he not?
woah soooo much info
Wish there was actually more angst/longer drawn out period before reconciliation because Babe would need time to come to terms with everything. but oh well
The spoilers I found right now while going through gifs is that: Apparently Way is the Enigma that Tony's planning to use to impregnate Babe... I'd seen hints that Way is evil/does something against Babe and if we're going with the fact that he has hypnosis through touch powers, then he'd been with Tony but the fact that he's the enigma was new to me
Ep 8 (Feb 10)
Aw fuck, I keep watching this instead of doing my much-needed work D:
Kenta has to somehow not let Kim get killed and his organs harvested right
Aw, Jeff telling Alan his secret special power
Way talking about revenge and being a bad person and doing what he was originally supposed to do...
ahh Charlie not telling Babe about Jeff's vision is scary, even though Charlie consoling Jeff is nice
omg blood everywhere enough investigating let's leaveee
First time seeing Charlie use his powers and he uses it to be kinda stupid lol
Did Tony pick up on the fact that Babe lost his powers?
Ken? Do Pete and Kenta know each other?
Damn, Jeff's visions, he's getting them without touching anybody?
Also, how are you sneaking around in Tony's house lol cameras gotta be everywhere
ah, I wish I wasn't spoiled about Enigma way cuz I might've been like gasp but actually probably not since I already knew about Way being from the other side
Jeff no don't get caught
the fact that Charlie is still like -khap at the end of his sentences with Babe despite having fucked like 50 times and being boyfriends and also having held secrets from him is funny
they're doing doctor/patient roleplay while jeff's in trouble D:
ah, all the plans in front of Way
This must be a trap as well right, set up by Way? I'm afraid Andy's gonna get killed or smth? Or even if it's not a proper dangerous trap, like a trap t somehow save them to gain trust?
Why did they even get out of that room though lol
Winner's soooo annoying, like not even an intriguing semi-antagonist like Way, just irritating and bad at acting
North, Sonic don't both go into the cell cuz what if it's locked from outside
They left Kim again? man...
Jeff I believe in you
Ep 9 (Feb 10)
Charlie can't you at least once wonder where Jeff is? WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER? Literally everybody at the garage is staying at Alan's except Jeff?
you know Tony's looking for Jeff and you're just chill about the fact that neither you nor Alan can contact him? Man, cmon Charlie wtf
girl not Babe finding out about Pete being an Enigma at this place where they're auctioning kids D: and then Immediately going to tell Way about it bruhhh
aw fuckkk not Way hypnotizing Babe when Babe's at the auction place alone with Way and has just found out about Way beingthe Enigma through Charlie. I hope Pete comes out and sees them
ahhhhh aklsdfjalks;fj ewewew I can't watch this like I watched 0.2 seconds of it in the reflection and no aghhh and Babe's sad face in that reflection T.T
Or I hope Charlie immediately goes to Way's apartment or smth after informing Alan of what happened
okay at least Charlie did come
This is so fucking sad, poor Babe D:
And every Babe and Way montage is so sad, first when Way was going through his heartbreak and now because Babe got sexually assaulted by Way agh
abusive father Tony fr but also what power or whatever does he have? He said Way's Enigma can't compete with me
man, this is so fucking sad, the way Babe's trust in me people is shattered and doesn't wanna be betrayed again
Anyway, Charlie learned than his brother Jeff was captured by Tony and crew but has called him and hasn't heard from or seen him since, he should be a little more concerned about him I think
Well, it's good that apparently Jeff is all good and safe
Alan and Jeff are sooo cute, espp because age gap but Alan and Jeff are both so skittish lol... Jeff asking if he can be Alan's boy is crazy though
what are Charlie and Jeff planning, yikes
Also, Charlie being like okay at least father doesn't know that my powers will go back to Babe if I die... so if he fakes his death, Babe still wouldn't have the powers back but the father wouldn't find it questionable?
Is Dean trustworthy?
Ah, this time Charlie getting overwhelmed with the senses and Babe helping me out with an orgasm... romance <3
why is the sex scene surrounded by the car race lmfaooo I kinda wanted to see it and choose to skip parts if it was too much for me, not have it spliced
Ah, they spoiled that Dean's a traitor/snake in the preview, that's dumb smh
oh omg, okay I remember seeing some stuff about main character death in Pit Babe just a few weeks ago (esp when Last Twilight was ending) but as I started this, I was like hm this doesn't seem to track, maybe that was about The Sign. But now I just glimpsed the words "The cross on Charlie's grave [...]" in a text post and seems like this really is for Pit Babe. Not to mention that Jeff and Charlie's plans seem to involve Charlie's death, though I'm assuming it's a faked death.
Ep 10 (Feb 10)
I'm dreading the scene from last ep's teaser where Charlie is against Babe driving and Babe's like you don't have any faith in me? I'm so disappointed in you
ouchhh "you don't believe in my skills" because of the lack of sense? ah it's true like charlie can't control babe just because he wishes babe well but I'm nervous that Charlie planned something terrible what with their plans and Charlie dying/disappearing
ah yep, Charlie's plan is to flip the car over, so scary but Jeff knows at least.
dang, did Babe not finish his lap and just came off in the middle of his last lap? Makes sense, I didn't expect the car to be right there
Jeff's pretending that he did that to Charlie's car to kill him in order to get Tony to do something on his end? Or does Tony also know Charlie's not dead?
Bro what the fuck what do you even mean that Babe got his senses back
This is actually devastating for real
How has Kenta not turned his back to Tony yet fr
Also, so I guess Jeff was telling Tony that he'd crash Charlie's car + with Kenta's help but Jeff was really planning on it killing Charlie
Babe's "I don't want my senses back, I don't want anything back. I just want charlie back" askldfjaskdlfjsadf owwwwwww
This montage is so fucked up
Oh, can you walk over the grave just like that to give the flowers omg? I'd be like D: there's somebody's corpse right underneath my feet and I'm stepping on them...
fuckkk this grave scene is also so devastating
Jeff really and truly is the only person getting anything done, so he got Kim in exchange for the Charlie thing?
girl, not the Jeff and Alan flirting in the midst of devastation. cute thought :( jeff being so done with Alan's inability to flirt that he has to do it himself here too
aklsdfja;sdlkf ow Jeff so cute, coming back to give him a little kiss on the side of the mouth and then running away
The fuck, Dean hit Babe with a HAMMER?!?!?! to the head
So was it Jeff (or Kenta w/ Jeff) who punctured the oil rigg while Dean did something else (gas smth?). or was it that Dean and Kenta together cut the gas line to crash the car but Jeff punctured the oil rig to kill Charlie?
Oh man, the fucking devastation. How did people who watch weekly go through this fr? I wonder... if I could get away with just looking at Pit Babe archive tags or if I'm gonna be spoiled with ep 11/book spoilers... ig I'll try to be very careful? agh idk
Also, I wonder how they're pulling off this fake death if Babe got his senses back? And we saw the dead body? Though ofc Jeff "took care of everything" on his own afterwards so we didn't see him be buried or anything but yknow
Ep 11 (Feb 11)
Good morning, time to watch the show and hopefully finish it toda
Man, I would've rooted more for Way/Pete if Way wasn't gonna rape Babe when he got the chance... makes me a hypocrite since I'm a Vegas/Pete enjoyed but yknow
Oh my bad, seems like Dean did stuff to the gas lines but Jeff had done stuff to the brakes
Ooh, okay, we get to see Charlie already
ugh so did Kenta tell Dean to do stuff to the break lines? I thought Dean did gas
who is this Uncle Reval and what's his backstory? Anything to do with Babe? He's not his father or something right?
lol a secret drug that fake-kills you and gives Babe his powers back
so what's the plan after this? How we catching Tony guys?
Ah, I love Alan and Jeff :( And Jeff telling Alan to think a lot because he knows he's the one who made Charlie's car crash like that + is hiding Charlie from them all
They sometimes treat Jeff like he's a mourning brother and other times they don't lol
Oh that bracelet with the A is crazy like oh Alan you're marking him laksfj oh and he's got one with J, very presumptuous to wear it first before letting Jeff know but loll I guess he's finally stepping up in the flirting department and not leaving it all to Jeff
I can't believe we're not getting proper Omega Jeff though, so he's just Alpha :(
Why did Jeff say I like no love you and Alan's like I got it already and didn't say it back
Jeff's actor is 28 and Alan's is 30, I wish at least Jeff's one was like 20 (That's Charlie's actor's age) so that we could at least feel the difference in age when they're talking as if there's a big age gap cmon
omg sorry the "Nuu, cooperate" "How?" was so good in terms of experience gap
okay Enough, this is going on forever actually lol
ah, Kenta and Pete were playmates and brothers while growing up in that house, thus the Ken and familiarity before when Ken had his knife to Pete's throat
Does Pete not a special power other than just being an Enigma?
oh ngl I thought they were finally doing a pair of Tony's kids who actually saw each other as siblings and not as lovers lmfao but seems like Kenta liked Pete
God why did they leave this dynamic for the end, Kenta crying (or is it just intense sweat?) while trying to harm/maim/kill Pete and thinking of their times together, it's the perfect dynamic - ToddBlack & VegasPete vibes
Wild turn from last week (Babe's still devasted though, I knew I could trust him) and it's like glad AlanJeff is finally happening but it's really happening a few days after Jeff's brother died lol
Also okay idk how to feel about Alan and Jeff sex scene cuz it's like... Alan is very subtly pressuring Jeff just a little? Like when Jeff was like shouldn't we get to know each other a little? but Alan's like that's for later bc he's so intent on fucking Jeff tonight. + the "Nuu, cooperate" when I guess he thought Jeff didn't want to let him take off his pants. the thing issss I could be so into age gap slightly dubcon, slightly immoral relationships but that's not how it's presented here + Jeff's supposed to be in mourning, so idk how I'm supposed to take this
Ep 12 (Feb 11)
Please please please please please Kenta and Pete scenarios and scenes and moments please please please idec if it's a happy or sad ending
agh no i don't want peteway anymore i want petekenta
oh Pete can read minds, woah
Aw shucks, they're kidnapping Jeff
Is the sense going back to Charlie and disappearing from Babe?
girl every 3 hours? that's all it takes before Charlie's senses start coming back from Babe?
okay I'm sorry but literally why are you bringing Way to meet Babe randomly like that fucker would've raped Babe and gotten him pregnant to forcibly make him have kids like we as the audience could be like oh tortured angsty Way but why is Pete randomly bringing Way to meet Pete. Anyway, Kenta now also knows Way's on Pete's side so it's not necessarily like Way can infiltrate the other side either unless Kenta keeps his lips sealed
ah I wonder who is "working for" Tony now...
Pete, Babe, Kenta, and Way lmao for sure there are not gonna be any betrayals and this team isn't gonna go up in flames. It'd be hilarious if Kenta does manage to finally join the other side but Way or something betrays them
Sorry that I was thinking of kicking Kenta (in a fun sexual way) while he was kneeling down like that and then Tony actually did it (in a mean abusive way but I was unfortunately into it)
oh my god okay sorry this is actually so devastating that Kenta is learning how the man who he's ready to give his life for doesn't see him as a son but as a dog but I'm actually losing my mind at his kneeling and crying and begging and getting kicked and giving his hand like a dog gives its paw
Did they also leave the bag this time? Girl, they're so bad at rescuing Kim and not retrieving the bag
I like don't even want Way and Babe reconciliation for real, so I'm glad we're not getting that already at least
ah, as expected he's Babe's father
All these people know that they're buying the kids right? Is it gonna be like Gifted when they're like making a disruption to let the world know what's really going on but they all already know?
Alan trying to drag Jeff away while Jeff wants to protect the kids, this uncle man is annoying me lately
Charlie just zooming in at the end lmfao
The lack of Charlie and Babe was so interesting. Like yeah, makes sense that the two wouldn't be together in Ep 11 and 12 but we got so much airtime for side characters in these 2 eps but it didn't make me feel like no, go back to the mains, because there are so many characters and threads here. And even gave me Kenta and PeteKenta brain rot in these 2 eps.
Ep 13 (Feb 11)
Last episode, like 50 mins long and I don't know what I'm hoping for. like at first, the show was mostly about Babe and Charlie and I want a good closure for them too, esp after like 3 episodes without them together. But I'm randomly so invested in like Kenta now and I don't know what I want from that end. I don't care that much about Alan and Jeff anymore, unfortunately but I'm guessing we'll get some time with them too. Also want to see how the huge and elaborate child trafficking ring is dealt with.
Bro stop explaining everything right now and escape, even though I get Babe's conflicting emotions of "am I dreaming?" unbelievable amounts of happiness and confusion at why Charlie fakes his death
Kenta okayyy
damn, the reaction to the socmed vids seem dumb from Tony's part but who knows
loll Sonic dgaf about pushing away Winner's gun
What happened to all the other patrons and guards?
ah, you did it Kenta even though you cried, you still killed your father. stabbed him in the back, poetry
oof, rip Way
Man, these scenes of Way dying and everybody mourning him at his grave are objectively sad (esp the Way and Babe compilation again) but I don't care as much about him as I did in the earlier eps when he was going through his unrequited crush but before he attacked Babe
The part with Babe and his dad is so sad man but I hope this is heading toward a better future
Charlie and Babe will never stop having public sex and they shouldn't
negl for a second I got scared that they were implying Babe's pregnant or smth like what
Y'know I realize that Charlie and the other drivers a bit of a public figure, does nobody in their audience wonder why Charlie's not dead suddenly? Or was that not public knowledge, just that Charlie crashed real bad
public-ass kiss frr
Where is Kenta? my beloved
Overall:
This show had everything: non-traditional alpha/alpha relationship (w concepts I wasn't aware of like Enigmas but somehow no Omegas lol), racecar competitions, x-men like superpowers (heightened senses, stealing powers, hypnosis, mind reading, telling the future), child trafficking, pseudo-incest if you think about it (from Kenta's side at least) and more. And it didn't have a super strong script, there were nonsensical elements and plot holes that didn't get addressed and things that happened to just move the plot along, but it was a fun watch nonetheless, both for the novelty and the entertainment factor.
The most important aspect of the show was definitely the characters and relationships despite there being like a wrong human trafficking ring and everything involved; it well went back to how it affected the people and their relationships. Babe was a very compelling character with his past and how he behaves in the present and his relationships with Tony/Way/people in general. Also helped that Pavel did a really good job with him and acted his ass off, there were quite a few emotional moments in there.
I agree with some people's comments that I wish Charlie's actor Pooh as a better actor. And his character wasn't as developed or with depth as the other ones either, like in terms of emotions I guess. I could never quite tell how much in love with Babe he really was at a given time because he didn't quite... look it, it looked more like a little puppy fanboy who may or may not be playing it up to conceal his true intentions. Alan and Jeff were cuter in my head before they got together tbh. North and Sonic are dating to me, they're so cute.
Although I really liked Charlie/Babe, my true ship winners might be Pete/Kenta in a Not Me ToddBlack fashion, to be honest, with Kenta as maybe my favourite character (2nd is Babe). They gave us like 2 tiny hints that they might know each other and waited until literally last 10 mins of episode 11 out of 13 to lay out their history and baggage and relationship and Kenta's crush, all the while showing them in a fight where Kenta's trying to hurt Pete (but Pete knowing Kenta can't kill him). They have an interesting friends (-> brothers/crush) -> enemies -> allies again at the very end dynamic where I think that they could become lovers post-canon. And I love how pathetic and desperate for love Kenta is and how he was willing to do despicable things for Tony's approval before finally, finally knifing him. Really had me writing a fic idea in my notes app after my few months of no drive to write, I wonder if I'll actually finish it or not because it's kinda... more explicit and intense than the fics I usually write but it was really good in my brain.
Once again, I'm shallow, so here are the people I find most beautiful: Charlie specifically when he has his glasses on and is being a cute puppy, Sonic omg pretty girl for real, Babe is so attractive - esp the younger version of him without the gelled hair but even in the present day when he smiles and is happy he's so beautiful. Jeff sometimes but I think I'm more into his vibes than specifically his face. Way is gorgeous omg, also aside but that actor has mentioned dating men before including a 7 year relationship.
Rating: 6/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I’ve watched in 2024: 6.5 -> 6]
Tiktoks:
Several of the most liked Pit Babe edits from Ep 1 - 2 because that's when I first saw it and went through the tag
Charlie (song: Honey, I Hate You - XIS)
Ep 3: When Babe stops Charlie from kissing him before the race
Ep 4: Babe telling Charlie they're done
^ Those ones I added before I watched the show and these ones I added now:
Kenta with Tony (Song: Mama's Boy)
Ep 11 Kenta and Pete history (Song: Take Me Back to the Night We Met)
PeteKenta interactions
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i guess a better life update is like
so i’m graduating this spring. it took me a while to get an internship + i got rejected from the first one i applied to. that was okay, though, because it was smth specific that only took One student in each department, so like 4 students total, and you had to specially apply to it. i found another internship actually working for the school itself, which i’m pleased with. it’s very close to my home, and i can get there easily. they’re very casual about dress code too, so i dyed my hair again earlier this month :3
i quit working for the nursing home like 6 months ago, after almost 6 YEARS of being employed there. it was pretty on the spot lmao. we got new management that sucked + a resident started screaming at me and i was just like. well. i’m done.
currently: unemployed! or “full-time student” according to, like, my taxes or w/e. contemplating applying to some stores in the area but not too worried about it. money isssss pretty tight rn, but luckily i was able to save a LOT over the pandemic so i’ll be okay until i graduate and have to start paying back those student loans. i would like to think i’m pretty good at budgeting and money management, luckily.
ummm wedding is happening in may of next year, hopefully. move is happening ????? idk whenever it works for both of us. it’s gonna be scary but i can’t complain or worry about it too much because my wife already did that move Alone, so , like,
made this post because i was just thinking about like, idk what the gap will be between graduating & moving — not really worried about it Too much, because i know that’s smth we will figure out later haha. but i was thinking about how it’s smth we will figure out because i am Acutely aware of what happened when shit got bad in june 2017, where i was going “i’ll be moving out soon, i can’t get a job NOW!” and then i didn’t move out till december 2017. but then i was thinking about how i haven’t really talked about my life Extensively here since all that happened — maybe a bit, but most of it happens in dms (hi jess) (the ONLY person i use the tumblr messenger for) or in my discord server(s?) lmao.
and i realized that i have a lot of people (relatively, i guess.) who have been following me since i was like. 15? 16? and who maybe saw all that go down but don’t know what’s happening now.
anyways. on that front. my parents and i have… idk. kind of a relationship? not really sure. they have more of a relationship to me than i have to them, which is funny. they text me about every other day, but i don’t really answer that often. they know if they make negative commentary abt anything i’m doing they’ll just lose contact with me for good. they know i’m gay & that i’m getting married, and they’re Forced to be supportive Or Else, which i also find funny. they’re not attending my wedding though, On God.
had a weird thing happen a while back where my mom apologized for like. a lot of stuff. for the homophobia, for Some of the physical abuse she did, for some of the physical abuse & other abuse my dad & brother did to me. on their behalf, i guess? idk, being apologized to doesn’t really mean anything to me — or it didn’t, for a long time; i’ve only recently had Moments where someone apologized to me and i felt that it meant a lot — so i just felt weird about it. she was crying really hard, so i know that she knows that it was Bad. i still wish i could impart on her or on other people who don’t believe me Exactly what it was like, but i can’t.
for a large part it doesn’t really affect me, other than like, a desire to bury my head in the sand rather than Confront anything negative. so like. it doesn’t make it better but what i’m trying to say is like… idk, i’m doing fine, it could be way worse.
i guess i’m just biding my time until graduation. i almost wish i was working, because it feels like time passed a lot faster when i had work looming over me every two days. my class schedule for the next week is… fun…. i have a class from 2-4 and 6-8 on mondays, and then class from 6-8 on wednesdays. my fourth class is just my internship credit, and i don’t really need any more classes [that are offered in the fall].
so i’ll have plenty of free time, which is nice. i want to do more around the house, helping w upkeep and stuff. i have housemates & friends who i Love, which is not smth i would have expected like five years ago. so. time flies, i guess.
#VERY long rambly update but like. again i just can’t find my journal.#i’ve had various parts of this sitting in my drafts as well bc i Meant to make an exciting life update and forgor.#this isn’t That but i wanted to post smth substantially less depressing
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RATING ANIME SHOWS I'VE WATCHED pt. 2 with normal ratings (from 0-10) this time (except hxh)
HUNTER X HUNTER — ♾/10. finished seasons 1-5 in less than a month cos i watched it everyday. took me until december 2021 to finally start the 6th season cos i thought we were traveling back home so i wanted to save it for later 😢 in the end, i wasted my time. i love this show sm tho, especially the fandom and leorio. leorio and menchi have my heart?!?!??? mainly menchi. she can chop me u-
THE PROMISED NEVERLAND — 9/10. i LOVEDDDDDDD the first season, it was suspenseful and i loved every single child in this show and it was like so fucking good. until season 2 🙁 i heard ppl say it's rushed and all?? even i think that, and also how the animators skipped a lot of important arcs so ig i'll just read the manga later. anyways, i still loved the second season tho? just wished they didnt skip these important arcs so i could see it animated 💔
ONE PUNCH MAN — 10/10. i love this show sm ❤️ idc what you ppl say and for a fact, SAITAMA IS STRONGER THAN EVERY OTHER OP CHARACTER. anyways it's a fun show, just wished the other characters recognized him more?? idk i love mumen rider, genos, fubuki, and saitama himself <3
THE ROYAL TUTOR — 10/10. ONE OF THE FUNNIEST SHOWS I'VE EVER WATCHEDDD. almost cried at the end tho, however, it was sooooo good. i love this show sm. these boys became the reason why i love guys with long hair/feminine looking guys
ZOMBIELAND SAGA — ik i said normal ratings but ♾/10. I WOUKD REWATCH THE WHOLE TWO SEASONS ANYTIMEEE. THE SONGS ARE SO GOOD, AND THE RAP BATTLE BETWEEN SAKURA AND SAKI WAS SO FUNNY 😭😭 anyways, i have a crush on kotaro and yugiri goodbye
YOWAMUSHI PEDAL — ♾/10. i did stop watching for a while, but i will get back on it cos i still have so many shows to finish. i love that green, long haired guy sm. this show also started my bike loving phase and the show actually got me to learn how to ride a bike which is so crazy?? i'm not lying when i say this but two days after getting a bike, riding with training wheels before trying to practice without them, i suddenly knew how to? like i barely rode my bike when the training wheels were off, and suddenly the next day after watching that episode with them riding up a hill or smth in season 1, i suddenly knew how to??? LIEK WHAT....
YOUR LIE IN APRIL — 5/10 simply cos kaori pisses me off. i'm sorry but idgaf abt tsubaki not doing shit n stuff idc idc it shouldve been her with kousei 🤬🤬 one of the only few romance shows i've watched.
MONTHLY GIRLS' NOZAKI-KUN — 9/10 cos of the ending. ALSO NOZAKI REMINDS ME A WHOLE LOT LIKE USHIJIMA FROM HAIKYUU??? ANYWAYSSS CANT I HAVE NOZAKI X READER FICS OR SMTH 😒
KAKEGURUI — 10/10. watched this in front of my parents and sister. no, i was not embarrassed (okay maybe a little). i'm also not kidding... i'm in love with miroslava and ibara cos he reminds me of tendou anyways goodbye. why did i watch this show? cos it was new when i first saw it show up on netflix and kirari was the thumbnail
FREE — 10/10. in love with this guy. i haven't finished season 2 yet 💔 this show reminded me of when i still did swimming and this was also my motivation to swim again
gunna do another
#mitsvyaswife#rating anime shows i've watched#pt. 2#free#hunter x hunter#hxh#monthly girls nozaki kun#the promised neverland#tpn#one punch man#opm#the royal tutor#zombieland saga#yowamushi pedal#kakegurui#your lie in april#ylia
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The way I'm genuinely holding myself back from spoiling your gift cuz I just wanna show it to you already (even if it ain't even finished yet lmao-)
Aaaaaaaanyway- It's december 1st liaaaaaa, the christmas cheer is up and running! (for me tho, christmas started back in december lmao) and i just can't wait 'til it's christmas break :''D
fr tho since christmas just so happens to be the same day as my birthday- the only thing I'm grateful for in it being the same day is that, whenerver someone wishes me a happy birthday, I get to say merry christmas and a thank you, instead of a just an awkward bow and thanks :''D (why are birthdays so awkward fr)
Regarding Christmas in general tho, do you think in genshin- they have christmas? Because if we really think about it logically, Christmas shouldn't be real in genshin because the entire day is centered around the birth of Jesus Christ. I can understand if maybe Mondstadt would celebrate a similar holiday- but instead of Christmas it's just a holiday to have a warm feast with family and friends (just strip all the christianity out of it lol) but idk, what do u think of this weird ass headcanon :'D
here's japanese scara for your soul and here's a hill i will die on - Ever so sincerely yours, 👹✨ Jae <3
it's time for you to behave and practice self-control and stop persuading me to turn to the dark side (/j) but deffo, take your time with it~ gl, seeing your enthusiasm abt the gift makes me wanna cherish it more than i already do BUT i shall wait! ik i'm gonna lose my mind over it anyway 😔🫶 (/pos)
LMAOOOO the fact that your birthday is on the 25th comes in clutch when it comes to responding to greetings, huh?? fr tho, at least, it adds an extra smth to the usual "thank you" ✨ also, i'm excited for your birthday too because... hehehehe.
oooo, that's a nice thought! hmm, since christmas is centered around the birth of jesus christ, but maybe there's smth like that in snezhnaya (aka the nation of cryo) where they celebrate the tsaritsa's birthday?? tho, i'm not sure what sort of relationship the tsaritsa has with her people because from dainsleif said, "she is a god with no love left for her people, nor do they have any left for her. her followers only hope to be on her side when the day of her rebellion against the divine comes at last." — so, i can't really be sure but it'd still be really cool if genshin has an event similar to christmas! (thanks, jae, i have once again dived into genshin lore and it is so. fjkekkskf the archons and celestia fascinate me /pos)
#AND SCARA'S JP VA IS SOOOOOO hhhhhh#+ TRUE. hoyoverse is gaslight gatekeeping girlboss at the wrong time with venti's lore like 😮💨#ask box! 📬#visitor: dearest jae! 👹✨
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Fairytale
Warren Worthington III x Female Reader
Request 1: Omg I just read the I have a boyfriend and the opposites attract and I'm aksjksjeje. Idk if ur taking requests, but in case u are I need more on that mother nature reader and Warren pleaaaaseee!!! Maybe something with angst, like some conflict in their relationship, but with a happy would be greatttttt I absolutely love ur writing
Request 2: Hi love!:D idk if you’re taking requests or if you’re in the works of smth, but like, I’ve had this idea in my head about your fic of Mother Nature with what she said about the weather affecting her. Like it’s winter season or smth and the sun has not been out for days (and maybe Ororo is not around to help??) so she’s feeling weak and Warren is doing all he can so she can get better🥺 I reaally love your writing💕 💕
Warnings: swearing and angst
Word Count: 12.5k
“How long will you be gone?”
“A few weeks. We should be back before December 21st.”
(Y/N) huffed, that was almost two weeks, plus the holidays were coming up. “Stay safe, okay? All I want for Christmas is you.”
Warren rolled his eyes and kissed her forehead, “I already got you a gift.”
(Y/N) thanked him and he just held her tighter.
-
Warren went on a mission with Raven, Alex, Kurt, Ororo, and Jean. They were going to Italy to stop some mafia mutant issue. “Which is stupid,” Scott retorted. “We live in New York. Surely the mafia isn’t only terrorizing mutants in Italy.”
(Y/N) shrugged, “Probably.”
Her mind wandered as Jubilee talked to Scott about their final for Dr. McCoy. I need to water the plants in the greenhouse. (Y/N) yawned, she felt a sudden wave of drowse come over herself. I’ve been so tired lately…
It wasn’t a mystery why (Y/N) had been so tired lately. It was because of the weather. The earlier it got dark, the less energy she had— and with it getting colder, her abilities were limited. Most of the plants in her room had gone dormant. (Y/N) was worried she would too, but it hadn’t gotten cold enough.
“I think we should go skating tomorrow,” Jubilee suggested.
“Just the four of us?” Peter asked.
“Do you see anyone else? They’re all in Italy.” Peter squinted his eyes at Jubilee as she was sarcastic. “The rink is open, it’s December, and I’m bored! I wanna pick up cute girls.”
“Isn’t ice skating like a go-to in Hallmark Christmas movies?” Scott asked.
“Why do you know that?” Jubilee asked.
“We watch those all the time on nights with the boys,” Peter explained. “They’re awful and all the same. There was one where a girl was in love with a ghost and another where a girl texted her dead mom to grieve… I’m so lucky I don’t celebrate Christmas.”
(Y/N) laughed, hallmark Christmas films were pretty cheesy and cliche.
“I mean yeah, you’re right, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go skating, or do something. Everyone is gone and we need to stay active.”
Peter and Scott both looked at Jubilee with confusion. “But we’re all in pretty good shape.”
“No, I mean (Y/N),” She whispered to the boys.
“What’s wrong with her? She looks fine.” Scott said, quickly checking her out as she was preoccupied with her phone.
“Around winter, she tends to get weaker cause it’s colder and the sun goes down earlier…”
“Yeah… We know…”
“No, you guys don’t get it. During the winter plants go into like, hibernation— and if it gets too cold and (Y/N) falls asleep she’ll go dormant. The only safe places are her room and an area set up in the lab.”
“We have to keep her awake all winter?” Peter asked curiously.
“No, we just have to make sure she only falls asleep in her bedroom and stays there. It’s the only ace place because it’s like a greenhouse sort of…”
“What happens if we don’t?...”
“She could die!”
“Who could die?” (Y/N) asked.
“Scarlett Johanson’s stunt-double. I mean have you seen the new Black Widow trailer?” Jubilee asked without missing a beat.
“Eh, I dunno. She’s a professional, plus stunt-doubles are kind of expected to get hurt… while it’s not preferable an innocent gets hurt,... they did sign up for it.”
“I never thought of it like that…” Scott said almost seeing off-handed while trying to noticeably glare at Jubilee.
“Well, I’ve got to go. I promised Catherine I’d help make gingerbread cookies.” Everyone wished (Y/N) some form of goodbye, or have fun, leaving them alone.
“(Y/N) is going to die?!” Peter almost screamed.
“No! No, no— (Y/N) is not going to die. She’s done this longer than I’ve known her. I think she was like, thirteen when these first started happening. I didn’t know (Y/N) until we were 15, but still.” Jubilee continued on, “She’ll either pass out randomly in the middle of December or January and hibernate until March or April, or she won’t go dormant and just have to spend most of the spring outside, like soaking up the sunshine or whatever. “
“Oh, okay. So this is normal. Great. (Y/N) might fucking die every winter and we just have to act like children on thin ice? Deal with it somehow?” Peter looked like he was freaking out.
“I said she’s been doing this for years, plus she hasn’t died yet. We’ll be fine.”
Scott’s gut was telling him something different, but he blamed that on his constant anxiety.
-
Five days after Warren left
(Y/N), Scott, Peter, and Jubilee all went ice skating. Jubilee and Peter attempted to spy on cute girls, while Scott tried to act perfect, and (Y/N) tried her best to not lean against the wall too much. It was fun, but indoor rinks are as cold as the outside ones. (Y/N) bundled up enough, but she still got chills.
Scott took everyone to some artsy coffee shop that Jean adored. He claimed they had a killer hot chocolate. Jubilee already tried it once before, being Jean’s best friend/roommate. Peter thought it was kind of watery and not that great, and (Y/N) didn’t think it was bad but…
“You overhyped it. It’s good though.” Scott pouted, and Peter laughed through Twinkie bites and hot chocolate sips. (Y/N) felt warm and fuzzy inside. Almost… sleepy…
Her mind started to drift… Warren… everything they’d do when he got back from Italy…
Their first winter holiday together… all the shitty hallmark movies we can watch with Scott and Peter… the—
“(Y/N)!”
“Huh?!” She rubbed her eyes and tried to seem awake. “What is it?”
“You were dozing off there,” Scott pointed out.
“Oh.” She scratched her head. “Sorry. Haha,” Her laugh was somewhat sarcastic. “Just don’t let me, uh… Don’t let me pass out. Wouldn’t wanna get nicknamed Sleeping Beauty.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Peter joked.
-
Nine days after Warren left
Peter taught everyone, or attempted to, teach everyone how to make a seven-layered cake. Jubilee and Scott kept sneaking batter, while (Y/N) was struggling to not use her powers.
“Okay, but like, I could get sugar from a plant or—“
“No!” Jubilee protested, batter on the corner of her mouth. “We— we have all these ingredients here. Why waste them?”
(Y/N) squinted her eyes, they were a bit purple, but she let it slide and grabbed sugar and other dry ingredients from the cabinets.
“If she uses too much strength she could pass out. It’s been snowing hard for the past two days, and it’s been cloudy all week.”
“Can’t she eat a protein bar or drink some coffee or something?” Peter whispered.
Jubilee shook her head, “No, she needs vitamin D. Like, from the sun. More than a normal person does.”
(Y/N) set the sugar on the counter and looked at the recipe from Peter’s mom, reading bits out loud, “We need 2 and 1⁄4 cups of sugar.” She looked at the measuring cups, trying to find the one she needed.
“Hey, Scott! We agreed no phones out,” Jubilee scolded him.
He rolled his eyes, “You sound like a teacher… I was just checking a package I ordered…”
“If you actually bought that $200 lightsaber you were telling me about,” (Y/N) joked, “I will scream.”
Peter scoffed, “Please, Jean got him that for Christmas.” His face fell soon as the words left his mouth. “Shit…”
“No, she didn’t. We had a budget and—“ Jubilee and Peter both looked at their feet, eyes wide and sheepish. “I am not worth $200.”
“You sound like Warren,” Jubilee complained, cracking eggs into a separate bowl.
“It’s true! I don’t want her to spend money on me.” He glanced at his phone again.
“She’s not going to text you. No one is allowed to bring phones on missions, because the government can like, track you and shit.” Peter reminded him.
“I know, I know… but what if something happened? What if someone died or they got stuck and stranded and—“
(Y/N) put a hand on Scott’s shoulder, “Calm down Romeo. They’re going to be fine. If something happens, Xavier will let us know.” Scott nodded, trying to believe (Y/N) was right.
-
Fifteen Days after Warren left
(Y/N) was getting sick and tired. Tired of her friends never leaving her alone, the panic on their faces if she so much as yawned or rubbed her eyes, she was sick of them being so nervous. More so Scott and Peter than Jubilee.
Of course, they meant well, and just wanted to make sure she didn’t fall into a coma, but she didn’t need to be doted over like a tropical plant lost in the arctic.
(Y/N) huffed as she messed with her hair in the bathroom mirror. Her leaves looked less colorful, more brown and dead, the vines around her legs were gone, and her eyes looked like she hadn’t been sleeping. She had, but it was hard, the sun went down at 5 PM, and it was cloudy and cold every day it seemed.
I just want Warren here. He’d make everything better. We could cuddle and nap together…
(Y/N)’s turned blue and red as she stopped daydreaming and ran her toothbrush underwater.
By nature, (Y/N) was not a gossip girl or a secret keeper— people saw her as a Disney princess, a few of the younger students even called her “Mother Nature”... but she had ruined her status by lying to the person she cared about most.
She didn’t tell Warren about her dormant state, about how she could sleep until possibly March. She wanted to stay awake and active all winter. She wanted to spend her time with her angel.
But he was in Italy fighting crime, and wouldn’t be back until mere days before Christmas.
She had to be awake for Christmas and New Year’s. After that, it didn’t matter.
Wait. Then she remembered Valentine’s Day.
I have to be awake for that too. And Warren’s birthday… I can’t miss those… She made herself a promise she wouldn’t go dormant this winter.
She glanced out the window as she scrubbed her teeth with the toothbrush. It was snowing again, thick heavy flakes came down almost in chunks.
-
Twenty Days after Warren left
(Y/N) accidentally drank out of Peter’s cup without realizing it for about thirty minutes. Why did it matter?
Peter had caffeine in his soda, and (Y/N) did not. She was planning to go to bed in her room, and wake up when the sun rose to conserve energy.
Now, she was staying up late with her friends, watching some crappy zombie movie on late-night TV.
“They could easily just move to an island. Use the old man’s boat. The zombies can’t swim!” (Y/N) argued during a commercial break.
“Yeah, but there’s never any logic in these things.” Peter drowsed.
“I guess so. It’s kind of dumb though…”
Peter shrugged and took a sip of his drink, “Yeah, but it’s like Sharknado. They make money, it doesn’t matter if it’s bad or not.”
(Y/N) didn’t retaliate, as the final commercial ended and the screen faded to black, signaling the movie was back on.
-
Scott couldn’t remember when he fell asleep. He rubbed his eyes and tried to see who was all around him.
Peter was passed out on the floor for some reason, Jubilee was asleep on one side of the couch… and Scott saw (Y/N), passed out with her head laying on a pillow.
“Shit! (Y/N)!” He shook her, trying to get a reaction, but nothing happened. He repeated her name trying to undo her slumber until the other two woke.
“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, hair tussled and eyes half-closed.
“(Y/N) fell asleep on the couch!” Scott was panicking. He had one job— one job from Jubilee, “Make sure she only falls asleep in her bedroom or else she won’t wake up until March.”
“Scott! Stop it!” Jubilee pulled him away from (Y/N)’s sleeping figure. “You could kill her!”
“What—” He turned to Jubilee, “What do we do then?”
“Peter, get Professor McCoy up here.”
“But it’s 4 AM…” Jubilee gave him a deadly glare and he sped off.
Scott was ordered to sit and be quiet while Peter got McCoy.
“She fell asleep. She drank some of my soda earlier, causing her to not be tired. We thought we could get her sleepy by watching a movie, but we all fell asleep before she did…” Peter was giving Hank a 30-second recap, with 3000 words.
“Peter, everything’s going to be fine.” Hank carefully scooped (Y/N) up in his arms, bridal style. He looked her over up close. Her skin looked pale, the leaves and flowers in her hair were gone, all that was left were dried twigs, and the vines usually wrapped around her legs were concealed by sweatpants, so he couldn’t take note on them. “I’m taking her to the medical bay. Everyone go to sleep, you can come back in the morning…” Hank glanced at the time, “You can come back later.”
-
The three mutants walked to their rooms quietly. Jubilee made a stop at a bathroom to brush her teeth, while Peter and Scott went straight to their dorm.
Peter used his speed to get changed and hop in bed. “I’ll leave the light on while you get changed.” Scott didn’t answer, he didn’t move. “Scott?”
“What if she dies?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“Jubilee said she’s been doing this for years, (Y/N)‘s not gonna die.” Scott still didn’t move, causing Peter to sit up and face his roommate better. “Everything will be okay. McCoy knows what to do, and this is no different than when bears go hibernate for the winter or when geese fly south. She’ll be fine.”
“We don’t know that. If something interrupts her she could die—“
“She won’t.” Peter knew he knew, what Scott was thinking. Scott did what anyone would have done. Tried to jostle her awake, he didn’t know what else to do.
“Do you know what it’s like?...”
Peter hadn’t the slightest idea what Scott was referencing, he kept his mouth shut, trying to figure it out.
“To have almost killed someone? Your parents arguing with theirs, lawsuits being threatened, your life could end before theirs and the doctors think they’re on borrowed time… How you know you deserve to be punished, and instead you’re just sent away, to be with more family and start new. You try to be better than you ever were, and people— they believe it. You deserve everything you’ve worked for… and then you go and fuck up! It’s one thing to have your mutation surface and have chunks of ceiling and a bathroom door put a school bully in a coma— but to hurt someone like (Y/N)?...” Scott’s voice trembled. His cheeks were covered in his tears. “If anything happens it’s going to be my fault. Warren’s going to blame me because everyone talks me up about how responsible I am and all these leadership qualities I have, that I actually don’t. Warren is going to kill me if she doesn’t wake up—“ He choked out a sob.
Peter was quick to wrap the boy in his arms. “Hey, hey… shh… shh… You didn’t hurt her. She’s going to be fine. Hank picked her up and carried her to his lab and she did fine. You shaking her didn’t do anything.” Scott continued weeping.
“How about you take a shower, and then we can go see her, okay?” Peter talked slower than ever before and with softness, enough to be gentle, but not so much you’d think Scott was a child.
He nodded, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.
“Okay, come on buddy…”
-
Hank had carefully dressed her in a hospital gown and hooked her up to various equipment. Everything seemed normal for her coma-like state. He didn’t wake her up carrying her downstairs.
Hank sat down in a chair next to her. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had no idea what to do.
This had happened before, but Hank just kept her in his lab and he wouldn’t do anything until she woke up. Sometimes students would visit to see how she was doing… Most of the time they’d just whisper and watch her for a few minutes before leaving, some made jokes about how she needed Prince Charming to kiss and wake her up.
Hank hesitated allowing Charles tell the team what happened. They wouldn’t be back for another week, and he didn’t want to cause a distraction for them.
“Hey Doc,” Peter waved. Scott was standing next to him.
Hank quickly put his glasses back on and stood up. “What are you doing awake? You should be asleep.”
“Couldn’t sleep. Figured we could come by, see how (Y/N)’s doing.”
“Yeah— she’s doing fine. Vitals are steady and her heartbeat is regular. All we have to do is wait.” Hank faked some optimism. He knew why they were there, and she was fine— except, Hank had no idea when she’d awake.
“Did you tell Xavier what happened?” Scott asked.
“Yeah, he knows. He said there’s nothing we can do until she wakes up. We have the option to wake her and keep her in the green room, but that’s easier said than done…” Scott looked pale. Hank cursed to himself for freaking the kid out. “Trust me, this is the best option for her.” Scott nodded.
“Yeah… “ Peter tried to distract him. “Why don’t we eat some leftover cake?”
“I’m not hungry Pete,” Scott answered.
“Well I am, and you’re not going to mope around down here. It’ll like, give (Y/N) a bad vibe. Come on.” Scott sighed and followed Peter out of the med bay.
-
Twenty four days after Warren left
Warren was exhausted, Everyone was. The mission went smoothly, or smoothly as it could, considering the number of minor injuries everyone bore.
“We’ve got a few more hours until we’re home,” Alex announced, checking in on the younger X-Men.
Ororo, Jean, and Kurt were playing go fish. Warren was watching, contributing nothing to the game but sarcastic comments and jokingly-judgemental looks.
“Great, thanks,” They replied.
Alex nodded and walked back to his seat in the cockpit. He pulled something small and rectangular out of his pocket. Warren carefully watched from the corner of his eye.
Is that a cell phone?
Cell phones weren’t allowed on missions. They were distractions, not to mention out of rage cellular fees were expensive— plus with modern technology comes tracking. Having something as minor as a cellphone on a mission could jeopardize the whole operation simply because someone wanted to use google maps and see where the nearest Starbucks was.
“Alex?”
“Yeah?” He stuck the object in his pocket.
“What is that?” Warren kept his down, as to not alert the others.
“What?”
“The thing in your pocket. What is it?”
“Warren—“
Warren was pissed. “It’s a cellphone isn’t it?”
“It’s a burner phone. In case of an emergency—“
“Why’d you take it out?”
“Hank texted me.”
“Oh, great.” Warren spat, “You bring a phone on missions in case you miss your little boyfriend.”
“Warren—“
“No!” He spoke out. At this point, everyone was watching. “You don’t get to break the rules and endanger the mission!”
“Warren, calm down.”
“You can’t tell me—“
“Someone at the mansion got hurt, bird brain. That’s why Alex’s using the burner to text Hank.” Raven rolled her eyes. Dramatic much?
“What?”
No one knew this, not even Jean. They all tuned into the conversation.
“Who did?”
“What happened?”
“Everything’s fine.”Alex lied.
“No, it’s not. You wouldn’t be texting Hank if it was.”
Jean discreetly put two fingers to her temple, trying to figure out who got hurt. Raven saw her and glared, mentally telling her to stop.
“Sorry.”
“Everyone settle down. We have a few hours left until we’re back in Westchester. Just chill out until then.”
Warren rolled his eyes and sat by himself, thinking Raven’s little distraction speech was stupid.
He couldn’t help it— acting all childish— he missed (Y/N) and he really hated having to share a bed with Kurt on missions. Kurt’s tail got all tangled and Warren’s wings were cramped.
It was different from when he’d cuddle with (Y/N). He’d wrap his wings around her, and she’d grow flowers in her sleep around them. It was soothing… He’d wake up refreshed, and looking at his wonderful girlfriend. Kurt was… a major downgrade… he was a decent roommate, but he couldn’t stand him as a bedmate.
Warren yawned, making a note to sleep for ten years and hold (Y/N) while he did it, once he got back home.
-
The basketball court came into view, and the ground caved in, letting Raven land the Jet in its hangar. Alex announced they were back and free to get off the ship. The rest of the team hastily grabbed their bags and ran out of the X-Jet.
Outside waiting for them was Jubilee, Peter, and Scott. Hank wasn’t there.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” Warren teased Alex.
He didn’t respond.
“Where’s your girlfriend?” Jean mocked Warren.
Warren did a double-take as Peter and Jubilee spoke to Raven and Ororo. (Y/N) wasn’t there.
“Hey, guys.” The three that stayed behind looked up with guilty expressions on their face as soon as they looked at Warren.
“Where’s (Y/N)?” He asked.
No answer.
Warren asked again, but more concerned, “Guys, where’s (Y/N)?”
“She’s not dead—“ Jubilee hit Peter and scolded him.
“What does that mean?”
The group exchanged nervous eye contact. They weren’t sure how to explain it, but if they didn’t Warren was probably going to attempt murder.
“She’s in what Hank calls a ‘dormant state’. Basically hibernation—“ Warren’s face visibly paled. “Except waking her up is way more complicated…”
“So she’s in a coma?...” He asked.
“Yeah, basically…” Jubilee admitted.
“How did this happen?”
“(Y/N)’s mutation, I thought she told you…”
“Told me what?” Jubilee didn’t answer him. “What, Jubilee?”
Alex put his hand on Warren’s shoulder. “Maybe Hank should explain it…”
-
“So she won’t wake up until March?”
“April at the latest,” Hank answered.
“And you let this happen?” He turned to Jubilee, Scott, and Peter. They were terrified of what Warren might do.
“No, no, they didn’t,” Hank defended them. “Her body just does this. It’s no different than that time of month…”
“A period isn’t four months long,” Warren mumbled.
“Let’s give him a moment alone with her.” Hank ushered everyone out, shutting the door behind him.
Warren sank in the chair next to (Y/N)’s body. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“Fuck,” He mumbled. “Fuck, fuck,” Tears welled in his eyes. “Fuck!” He screamed. He put his fist up to his mouth to muffle his sobs.
“How could… Why didn’t she tell me?” Warren looked at (Y/N)’s figure. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
Warren felt his heart breaking. She looked so… so dead.
But she wasn’t. She wasn’t dead but she wouldn’t wake until March.
It was December.
“Hank said… he said, we could wake you up, but there’s a chance you’ll die. And I’d rather have you like this than dead…” He turned away and mouthed cursed under his breath.
Warren didn’t know what to do. Sure, he wasn’t necessarily one of those clingy boyfriends, whose only life purpose is to serve his girlfriend… but he really liked her.
He wanted to spend more time with her than he ever could. She understood when he had nightmares or needed space. They never fought— their biggest disagreement was on a stupid homework problem.
She made earrings out of some of his metal feathers, he learned how to take care of all kinds of plants. She showed him how to be compassionate and kind, he showed her how to be assertive and throw a decent punch.
Peter teased him all the time, saying he was “in loooove,” dragged out o and everything. He’d always tell him to shut up or piss off.
Because maybe he was in love with her.
“But I’m her first boyfriend.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t be her first love.”
“That means I’ll hurt her…” Warren’s voice cracked. “I don’t wanna hurt her…”
He didn’t know she’d hurt him.
-
Warren wasn’t allowed to sit at (Y/N)’s side all day, or even all week. He had work to make up for when he was in Italy— homework, mid-terms, laundry, post-mission exam— not to mention Christmas was in five days.
He tried to keep himself busy in the first two days, and he overachieved everything he had to do. Which inevitably, left him with nothing to do.
“God, you look miserable,” Peter commented when Warren made his way into the kitchen, bags under his eyes, messy bed-head hair, sweatpants hung low, and a wrinkly t-shirt.
“I stayed up, deep cleaning my closet. I’ve got some stuff I’m gonna donate.”
“That’s nice.” Jean curtly commented.
Nobody knew what to say. They weren’t sure what would trigger Warren.
“We were all gonna see Knives Out,” Scott said. “A day off for everyone, chance to get last-minute gifts…”
“Not interested.” Warren poured himself a bowl of cornflakes.
“Come on,” Jubilee almost begged. “You haven’t left the mansion at all in the past few days.”
“I have stuff to do.” He poured milk into his bowl.
“Warren, you deep cleaned your closet at midnight. You have nothing to do and this will keep you occupied for a while.” Jubilee pointed out.
He was tired, “I don’t want to leave the mansion. What if something happens—“
“(Y/N)’s going to be fine.”
Warren held his spoon tightly in his fist. “That’s what I thought before I went to Italy— Look at her now! She’s in a coma.”
“She’ll wake up in the spring,” Kurt offered up to calm Warren down.
“This could have been prevented. I should have been here—“ Warren felt himself breakdown. He started crying, and no one knew what to do. Ororo got up from her seat and hugged him. He sobbed into her shoulder.
Ororo gave him words of comfort, “It’s okay, this is normal for her. Distance will do you good. Everything’s going to be okay… You should get out, get fresh air.”
Warren nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, “Uh-huh.”
“Come see the movie with us,” She suggested.
“Okay, yeah… I’ll— I’ll go get ready.” He put his bowl in the sink and went out of the kitchen.
“Holy shit.” Peter’s eyes were wide with shock. “He’s a mess!”
Jubilee swatted him with her hand, “Hush! He’s clearly upset… His girlfriend’s in hibernation until March.”
“Yeah, but like, he just started crying,” Peter stated. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Warren cry before… He just looked so broken, like, holy shit. I don’t think I was that upset when I got cheated on by my girlfriend, junior year on prom night…” The worst part is, we could have prevented this.”
“I think I’m gonna puke,” Scott mumbled.
“Hey!” Ororo chasted the two boys. “I don’t care what happened while we were gone, but you’re both acting pathetic. This is no one’s fault! Get your heads out of your asses and be there for Warren.”
“We should wake her up…” Everyone looked at Scott like he was crazy.
“And risk killing her?” Ororo asked.
“Yeah, no,” Peter answered. “Romeo may follow suit.”
-
Warren didn’t want to go outside, but he needed to keep busy, or else he’d start crying again.
He was a mess— he knew Kurt was tired of him staying up all night, doing anything and everything to keep busy… but when he closed his eyes he was face to face with nightmares— (Y/N)’s practically lifeless body lying in the hospital bed, her never waking up, or if she did she’d have amnesia and not remember anyone.
Warren couldn’t sleep, but staying up all night would eventually take its toll on him, or he’d run out of things to do.
Warren got changed and quickly ran downstairs to the medical bay. He wanted to check on (Y/N) before he left.
“How is she?”
“Same as she has been for the past few days,” Hank answered. “Everything’s normal, and she’s doing fine— great actually.”
Warren nodded, “Um, I just wanted to see how she was doing. I’m going out with the other X-Men… we’re seeing Knives Out… Ororo said it’d be a good idea for me to get out of the mansion.”
Hank blinked and then frowned in thought. “Yeah, she’s right. However, you seem to be doing really well, considering the situation. You haven’t spent all your time down here, but you do visit. You haven’t acted out with a huge wave of impulse emotions, but getting out for a little bit would be great for you.”
Warren bit his tongue, holding back from telling Hank the truth about how he was doing. “Yeah… I’ll um, see you later.”
-
Warren zoned out in the middle of the movie for a few minutes and had to ask Kurt what happened.
“Police chased them down.”
“Ah, okay.” Warren nodded. He glanced at his other friends. Scott had an arm around Jean, and they were cuddling, practically on top of each other, in the big recliners. Jubilee bought sour patch kids and was sharing the bag with Ororo. Peter and Kurt were really engrossed in the movie, and Warren was just kind of there…
He was lonely— The movie was good, and he was enjoying it— but Warren as a whole was lonely.
He put up the hard “I don’t need anybody,” exterior to protect himself from hurt. His poor relationship with his parents caused him to be cautious and made it hard for him to develop a steady healthy relationship with any authority figures in his life. His cage fighting days taught him, he was alone, and nobody was ever going to love him, and he’d have to fight to get anywhere in life.
Obviously, that proved to be false— he found confinement in Alex, (and sometimes Hank), as the older brother he never had. The community in the mansion proved he didn’t have to be so alone, and (Y/N) made him realize love is not some made-up fantasy, concocted in Disney’s headquarters.
(Y/N) felt like his best friend on most occasions, and while he had all his other friends, her being gone made him feel so empty inside.
-
On Christmas Eve he moped around in Scott and Peter’s room, one earbud in listening to sad music.
Scott wasn’t even there— he was doing God knows what with Jean, and Peter was playing Pac-Man.
“You can hang out with me tomorrow if you want. I don’t celebrate Christmas.”
“I’m good.” Warren knew Peter would probably run home and mess around with his sisters and mom, or awkwardly hang around the mansion, trying to find Erik and tell him about their relationship.
“Dude,” He awkwardly chuckled. “Okay, look— um, I know, nothing I say can fix the situation, but if you want to talk I’m here.”
Warren paused his music. “What was the last thing she said?”
Peter was awestruck, “She’s not dead!”
“I know—“
“She’s in a coma that she’s going to wake up from! She didn’t die.”
“I know that! I just want to know what she said before she went into the coma…”
Peter felt guilty for jumping to conclusions. Warren seemed so defeated, like a kicked puppy. “We were watching a crappy zombie movie on tv… and it was like, really bad, and we were mostly complaining about how bad it was. The last thing I remember was she said something about how the prosthetics sucked and she could have done it better with some mint leaves and slime.”
The corner of Warren’s lip rose up slightly. Typical (Y/N), but she was probably right.
“Wanna play Pac-Man with me?”
Warren sat up, “Sure.”
-
“He just started crying, like— I’ve never seen anyone so upset, and I thought you were dead at one point!” Scott was frazzled in Hank’s lab with Alex, Jubilee, Jean, Ororo, and Kurt.
“He seemed fine when he came down to visit her the other day.” Scott gave Hank a disbelieving look. “Well if he’s crying over little things, obviously he’s extremely stressed out and I’m not going to push him.”
Scott glanced in the direction of (Y/N)’s area in the lab, “Maybe we should wake her up.”
“Are you crazy?!” Jubilee asked. “She could die from that—“
“She probably won’t though… (Y/N) being unconscious has made Warren, everyone on edge.”
“You want an easy way out of this,” Jubilee raised her voice as she kept speaking, “If you really cared about how Warren was, you’d be trying to comfort him best you can despite your half-assed friendship!”
“It’s our fault she’s like this, Jubes! We were supposed to make sure she didn’t fall asleep anywhere besides her room, and we couldn’t do it.”
“Scott, she was getting weaker every day, this would have happened no matter what—“
His voice got louder, yet he was practically shaking, “No, we had the most simple task in the world! And we couldn’t do it! We’re the X-Men and we couldn’t even keep a girl from falling asleep!”
Jean hugged Scott, running her fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault. She does this every year— and it’s not like you ignored her.”
“What if it was you instead? I’d be just like Warren…”
“Don’t say that—” She kissed the top of his head. “You’d be fine.”
“I think we should discuss this with Warren and the Professor before we do anything, drastic.” Hank’s final words were clearly aimed at Scott.
-
“We can wake her up…”
Everyone was still in the lab, but this time Warren and Professor Xavier were present. Warren didn’t move, he was focused on what Hank was telling him and what it actually meant.
“But… she could die if not done correctly. Waking up an animal early out of hibernation could kill it, but getting a plant out of its dormant season would just weaken it, if done too quickly though, it could kill the plant.”
“Hank,” Charles rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I thought we agreed, when (Y/N) goes dormant, we do not disturb her. We agreed with her parents several years ago.”
“Yeah, but that was when she was a kid. She’s older now, and everyone’s distraught. Her boyfriend—“
“Oh, please,” Charles scoffed. “If I got on my knees and tried to align the stars every time Erik got hurt, there wouldn’t even be a school.”
“Cut the crap. You and Erik fight and make up like some divorced couple in a soap opera. When Erik gets hurt, you’re always the first to know.”
Xavier didn’t say anything out loud, he just glared.
“Um, personally, uh, sorry,” Warren awkwardly cut in. “I think if (Y/N) might die if we wake her up, then it’s not worth it. And if her parents agreed, letting her sleep is the best thing, then it probably is.”
Warren didn’t even want to think about her folks. Could you imagine? Their daughter dies because some dumb goth boy couldn’t handle her taking a three-month-long nap without him. Yeah, that’d impress them.
Charles clapped his hands together, “Well, there! It’s settled then. (Y/N) is fine as she is. I know this is upsetting for her to not be present around the holidays, but we can all assume she would want us to have fun and be kind to others, showing compassion and always helping those in need.”
-
Warren couldn’t sleep. He was restless in bed— too hot, then too cold, he’d have the beginnings of a nightmare or no dream at all— he was sure Kurt would have kicked him out by now if he hadn’t made the decision to sleep in Peter and Scott’s room for the night.
His tossing and turning made him have to pee. He got up and went over to the bathroom.
Looking in the mirror as he dried his hands he sighed. Warren looked so tired, but he didn’t know what to do.
For the first time since Germany, he truly felt alone.
-
He grabbed the two gifts stored under his bed and he quietly walked down the halls.
None of the doors were locked, it was almost too easy for him to get into Hank’s lab.
He flicked on the light switch, even though he didn’t need to. Her sleeping figure made his heart almost burst out of his chest. Warren felt so awkward standing there.
He set the gifts down on a chair and walked over to (Y/N).
“Hi…” No response. “Um, I don’t know if you can hear me… but like, Jubilee and Kurt watch all those soaps and they always have characters talking to people in comas so I figured, maybe, just maybe, you could hear something… anyway, um… I miss you. I really miss you and I wish you’d said something about all this…” He sat on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, with homework and chores and training. It’s been driving Kurt crazy that I’m up all the time, but I can’t sleep most nights…”
He paused for a moment, for the thought of, Am I crazy? Flashed through his brain.
“I got you that fancy water filtered you wanted for Christmas… along with some mollisol soil in a jar…” He huffed in amusement while glancing at the gifts. “Peter made fun of me. He said, “No girl wants a jar of dirt for Christmas.” But I know you’d be happy with it— trying to divide it equally among every plant in your room, your eyes lighting up when you see improvements in them…” Warren looked at (Y/N) and smiled sadly.
“We haven’t even been dating for a whole year, but it feels like it’s been forever…” His eyes watered and his voice faltered, ��And that’s love… Isn’t it?... Everyone tells me something different, but— I think I love you. No— I know I love you. I love you and, and, I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do while you’re here. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and see everyone all happy like nothing’s wrong— or Scott kissing Jean when he thinks no one’s looking if I can’t put my arm around you and pull you closer and give him a look that states we’re a cuter couple…” Warren almost laughed at himself. His dumb competition with Scott.
“I know you’d want me to pretend like nothing’s wrong because it isn’t— but it is… I don’t know what to do…”
-
Kurt knocked on the door of his room the next morning. “Warren! Merry Christmas!” No response.
“I need to brush my teeth.” Still no answer.
Kurt opened the door himself, “Warren?” The room was empty. “Where are you?”
“Hey, Kurt,” Scott peaked in, still in pajamas. “Everything alright?”
“Warren’s gone.”
“He’s probably downstairs already. Peter and Jubilee are, I bet he’s with them.”
“Oh. You’re probably right.” Scott bid him goodbye and went to Jean’s room. Kurt still couldn’t get the feeling that Scott was wrong out of his system.
-
Hank and Alex were headed down to the lab, giggling and acting like kids sneaking around.
“Alex,” Hank breathed in between laughs, “I just wanna check on (Y/N).”
“I know,” He managed between the kisses he left all over Hank’s neck.
“Give me five minutes. Then we can join the others.”
Alex frowned as Hank opened the door. “I want to be alone with you.”
“Wasn’t this morning enough?” Hank joked.
Alex rolled his eyes and hugged Hank from behind.
Hank smiles and walked into the med Bay Area, where (Y/N) was put.
He was shocked, to say the least. Alex too.
“Did he wake her?” Alex whispered.
“I don’t think so. Her heart rate hasn’t changed.”
Alex gently shook Warren’s shoulder, “Hey, kid, time to get up.”
He groaned and slowly opened his eyes, squinting to adjust to the light. “Mmmmhmmmggg…”
“Merry Christmas.” Hank teased as he looked over (Y/N)’s vitals.
“Shit.” Warren rubbed his eyes, “Did I fall asleep?”
“Yeah.”
“When did you come down here? I went upstairs at around eleven.” Hank commented.
“You got into our room at 11:37 PM.” Alex corrected him.
“Uhh, I don’t remember…” Warren was too tired to think. He wanted to get something to eat and go back to bed. He didn’t want to see everyone messing around the tree Charles got the younger students to set up. He wanted to go back to sleep right in bed with (Y/N), but he knew Hank wouldn’t let him.
“Everyone’s upstairs,” Hank said.
“I know,” Warren said back.
Alex was preoccupied with his phone. Scott kept texting him where he was— for being the younger brother, he acted like an older one.
“Look, uh, I don’t want to overstep anything—” Hank said somewhat quietly to Warren. “I know we’re not that close, but—“
Warren shot him down, “I don’t need to talk to anyone. But thanks for the offer, Hank.”
Hank pushes his glasses up his nose, “No, it’s not that… When Alex was presumed dead, and we found his body and he was in a coma… I was an emotional wreck. I spent all my time down here, worried he’d wake up any second, or never wake up, or wake up and not remember who I am… We weren’t even dating at the time. I was just so heartbroken because I wasted literal decades avoiding him and my feelings and— sorry. Sorry. I got off track… the point is, I get it. I’m not going to judge you for coming down at night to sleep with her.”
“Just, just don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”
Hank nodded understandingly.
“Whatcha guys talking about?” Alex got up and wrapped an arm around Hank.
“How much I love you,” Hank stated matter of factly.
Alex chuckled and kissed Hank’s cheek. “Don’t bother him with that. I’m sure Warren doesn’t want to hear you talk about our relationship.”
“I don’t care,” Warren told him.
“Still— go upstairs. Scott and Kurt think you got kidnapped or something.”
“Alright, alright,” Warren had to laugh, “I will.”
“We’ll meet you up there.”
Neither of the older men spoke until the door shut.
“He loves her.”
“Hmm?” Alex looked at Hank curiously.
“Warren, he loves (Y/N).” Alex hummed in agreement.
“They’re good for each other.”
-
Warren walked into the common room while chaos was in full motion.
Kurt was teleporting from place to place in the room, Ororo was focusing on making it snow outside, surprisingly, Peter was asleep on the couch, and Jean and Scott were cuddled under a blanket by the fireplace, obviously feeling each other up.
“Warren!” Kurt jumped down and landed at his feet. “Where have you been?”
He shrugged, “Workout.”
“Okay…” Kurt wasn’t convinced, but
“Hey, Warren! I made these brownies, they’re really good—“ She handed him one. “Here!”
“Uh, thanks.” He took a bite out of it. Gooey. Rich chocolate flavor. Yet, it also crumbled. Not half bad.
Warren smiled and nodded, telling Jubilee it was delicious. She was thrilled.
After a round of greetings to everyone, Warren sat on the couch next to Peter. “There’s a present for you…” He murmured, half asleep.
Warren furrowed his brows and looked at the tree. There was one gift left. The wrapping paper was black, with two silver bows on it. Warren smiled sadly at it, as he held it in his arms.
“Aww… It’s you!” Peter teased. Warren laughed a little, before opening it.
It was a box. Obviously, not empty. Warren removed the lid and looked through it. Inside was a disposable camera, an empty photo book, and a letter. He grabbed the letter first and read it.
Warren,
If you’re reading this, I’m either dormant or will be soon. I didn’t tell you anything about it because I’m scared. I’m scared you’d want to break up because I’m not conscious for part of the year. To most people, I’m sure it’d be a major turn off. But as Jubilee sometimes puts it, you’re ‘a little too attached’ to me to break up with me over a long nap. :) Or at least I hope so.
Anyway, I don’t want you moping over me the whole time, because you’ll just be sad and closed off and lose a lot of progress in your mental health. And I worry about you. I’ll be worrying about you quite a bit while I’m hibernating.
Uh, I can also hear everything you say to me. In case you wanna chat. I can’t say anything back, but it’s nice to listen.
I got you the camera and photobook to give you something to do. When I wake up you can catch me up on everything I missed. Take some pictures, save some memes for me, make a playlist of songs you think I’d like, movies I need to watch— Jubilee did it my first year here, and I liked it. I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time sleeping… I sometimes feel that way— I could do schoolwork, or spend time with my plants that still trudge through winter, or hang out with my friends… don’t feel sad, this is a normal bodily function… for me… You’re gonna think it sucks, which is kind of does, but I’ll try to make up for lost time… I love you…
(Y/N)
Warren couldn’t read the last few words, they’d been scratched out. He rubbed his eye, trying not to cry.
“What’d you get?” Peter asked.
“Uh, camera… So (Y/N)’s got photos for when she wakes up…”
“Aww…” Peter cooed. “That’s so cute— Hey guys! Let’s get a group photo!”
“Peter, I don’t— I don’t think that’s necessary—”
“Too bad!” Peter snatched the camera from Warren’s hands and started motioning and yelling at people to get in the frame. “I used to use these all the time as a kid— these little disposable cameras. I loved them!” Peter pressed the button, and a light flashed for a moment. He turned the dial on it and then handed it back to Warren. “You know how to use these, right?”
“Uh…”
“Great! You’ve totally got this.”
Peter was gone in a flash, leaving Warren alone.
He huffed, what was he really going to do with a camera? He didn’t want to bring his girlfriend up to speed with pop culture and all the drama she missed. He wanted to live through it all with her.
But he couldn’t…
-
Warren went back downstairs to the lab. Nobody stopped him from leaving or even asked where he was going. It was like he had no value in the group without (Y/N), just someone they tolerated, if that even.
He wanted to scream, knowing she could hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t find his voice… no words came out… just tears…
He fell down to the floor and cried. That’s all he could do.
You’re so weak! Pathetic! You can’t spend a moment away from her and you cry like a fucking baby! You don’t deserve her…
His sobs were the only things you could hear in the room.
-
New Year’s came and gone. The X-Men threw a party. Warren took a photo since he knew (Y/N) would have wanted to be there.
He didn’t want to be there. Soon as he took his photo he wanted to leave. He never liked parties, not as a kid, not in Berlin, and not when he came to the mansion— until he started dating (Y/N).
She got invited to several parties. Some were just dorm get-togethers with different groups of kids, others were house parties from the kids at the public school down the road, some were like this… real parties. She always wanted Warren with her when she went, and he never said no. He didn’t always enjoy them, but he didn’t mind. If (Y/N) had a good time, so did he.
But here Warren was, moping in the corner of Xavier’s ballroom.
-
He didn’t leave his room on Valentine’s day, despite still having classes. He trained for three hours a day, not including the group workouts and training required for all members of the X-Men.
He volunteered to go on more missions. He didn’t want to be stuck in the mansion for more than two days at a time. No one objected, he was a valuable member of the team, and the more experience the better he would get.
He was to go to London for three weeks with Ororo, Hank, Jean, and Scott.
Jean and Scott were excited because this just meant they’d somehow end up in a hotel room alone together at night, while everyone else was sleeping.
Warren was not too thrilled, as he was jealous. No need to sugarcoat it. Warren was jealous that Scott got Jean all 365 days of the year, that he never had to be away from her for more than a week, that they could flaunt their relationship and how happy they were together.
It made his stomach churn, but there was nothing he could do.
-
“I’m going to London for a few days… If I meet Harry Styles I’ll tell him you’re a fan…” (Y/N) laid in bed, lifeless. Warren tucked his hair behind his ears, making a note to get a haircut soon. “I’m going with Scott, Jean, and Ororo…”
He hated this. He hated talking to her, knowing she could hear him but not say anything back. It was different the few days before Christmas, but now it was all just a mess.
“Bye.” He threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and walked out.
One week.
One week with no cell phones, no homework, nothing. Sure, Warren would probably have to punch a few bad guys, but other than that he just wanted to sleep. He didn’t really care for much anymore. He tried his best to stay engaged and involved, keep himself busy, but it was extremely challenging.
A five-hour flight, with nothing to do.
“You guys excited?” Hank asked.
“Yeah!”
“Definitely.”
“I’m hoping I can use some new moves Mystquie’s been teaching me.”
“Mhmm…” Warren mumbled.
Hank glanced at him. He looked depressing.
“We’re in London for a week, I bet we’ll have some time to do sightseeing or go out.”
“Ooo!” Jean nudged Scott. “That’ll be fun, right babe?”
He nodded, “Oh yeah.”
Warren brought Peter’s walkman with him, and put in his earbuds and closed his eyes, assumingly taking a nap.
-
Once they arrived and checked into their rooms, Warren was still tired. He wanted to take another nap.
“So, I think we should go out tonight—” Hank handed everyone their room keys, “—You guys have been working really hard, and not much praise is given by Alex or Raven, or Erik when he occasionally shows up… but we’re proud of you.”
“Aww…” “Thanks, Hank…”
Warren just offered a smile.
“We can unpack and get changed if you guys want, we can go out and get some dinner?”
Everyone thought Hank’s plan was good, and they separated into their rooms.
“You doing okay?” Scott asked while unpacking his bag.
“Yeah… Why?”
“You didn’t say anything the whole ride here.”
“I took a nap,” Warren unzipped his bag.
“Oh.”
“I’m not going to unexpectedly burst into tears.” Warren snapped.
“I didn’t say you were—”
“Everyone thinks I am, I’m not stupid. I know you think I’m emotionally unstable and Hank’s been acting all nice on this mission because of it.”
“Are you?”
“What?”
Scott sat down on his bed, “Are you emotionally unstable?”
Warren glared at him, “I’ve been working my ass off for this mission. I’ve trained longer and harder than anybody else. Do I look unstable to you?”
“No! I just thought—”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna shower and get dressed for dinner.” He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
-
Hank had asked the woman at the front desk a good place to eat. She recommended some local place down the road. He rounded up the kids, despite there only being four of them.
“A night out will do us good.”
“You’ve been saying that,” Warren mumbled.
“You didn’t have to come you know,” Ororo stated.
“I have nothing better to do with my time.”
Ororo kept her mouth shut, knowing she could have said something back, but knowing Warren, it was better not to.
-
The restaurant was pretty crowded, despite it being the middle of the week, but the group still managed to get a table.
Their server was friendly. They got drinks. They ordered their food.
“You okay, Warren?” Hank noticed he hardly touched his food.
“Mhmm… Just not that hungry. I’ll probably get a box.”
“Oh, okay,” Hank nodded, a little unsure.
-
They left the restaurant and went back to the hotel. Warren took his shirt off and laid on his bed.
“I’m gonna hang out with Jean… You gonna be okay?”
Warren let out a breathy laugh, “Yeah, yeah. Go have fun, Cyclops… I’m going to bed.”
Warren couldn’t sleep. He didn’t really want to. He turned on the tv, trying to find something to watch.
Someone knocked on the door while he was in the middle of some cooking show. Warren got up and opened his door. “Hey, Ro.”
“Hey, Jean kicked me out. Wanna go for a swim in the pool?”
“Sure.”
He quickly got changed and followed Ororo downstairs.
The got into the elevator and were quiet at first.
“I think they have a hot tub.”
“Cool.”
Ororo glanced at Warren and sighed. “I’m here for you if you want to talk.”
He nodded, “I know.”
“For real. You’re allowed to talk about your feelings.”
“I don’t want to.”
Ororo sighed, “Warren…”
He looked back at her. “I want this all to be over.”
“(Y/N)—”
“It’s not fair! Everyone in my life has left me or used me somehow— and I know she’s different, but it’s not fair! I was so happy with her and—”
The elevator stopped. It wasn’t their floor. The doors opened the reveal a young woman. She had a familiar glow to her and leaves in her hair.
Warren looked at her, feeling lightheaded at seeing her.
“(Y/N)?”
-
Warren woke up in his hotel bed. He wasn’t sure how he got there. He didn’t even remember going to the pool with Ororo. All he could remember was her.
(Y/N).
He looked over to his left and saw Scott peacefully asleep in his bed, sleep mask on and everything. The TV was off, and so were all the lights. Warren couldn’t go back to bed, it wasn’t an option.
He quietly got out of bed and slipped on his shoes, slowly opening the door, as to not wake Scott.
He went out to the halls. He had no plan, no idea where he was going, but he needed to get out.
He walked around, lost in the halls late at night. He wasn’t tired, but he was upset. He didn’t want to keep crying, he didn’t want to be so dependent on (Y/N), but without her—
The sound of thunder interrupted his thoughts. He looked outside and saw it was raining. It reminded him of (Y/N)— without her, all it did was rain and snow.
-
Hank said they were looking for someone. Someone Xaiver wanted to bring back to the mansion. This type of mission was more stealth and would require little physical fighting.
Hank got told from an anonymous source she’d be at some socialite gathering.
“Scott, Jean, you’re going to pretend to be some young, rich, American couple. Get in there, find our target, and get her alone. Convince her to come back with us if that doesn’t work let us know on the comms.”
“What does she look like?”
“Her name is Betsy Braddock—” Hank pulled up a file with all her information on his tablet.
“What does Xavier want with her?” Warren asked, anger rising in his tone.
Betsy… She left him to die in Egypt. She got him wrapped up in the Apocalypse cult nonsense. He didn’t want to see her again, he didn’t want to see her ever.
“She knows something about the attacks in Italy we dealt with around Christmas, plus she’s somewhat telepathic… I know your past with her is messy, but—”
“It’s fine. I don’t care.” Everyone looked at Warren, surprised at his statement.
“Alright. You guys know what to do— Jean, Scott, get dressed and ready for the party. I’ll get you an uber— Ororo, Warren, You guys are going to a hideout location not far from the location of the party, in case backup is needed. I’m going to stay and operate things here.
-
The first few hours of the mission went as expected. Jean and Scott made small talk with people, trying to find Betsy.
Warren didn’t want to see her, or more, he didn’t want her to see him in his current emotional state. But it didn’t matter what he wanted. He argued and insisted on joining this mission, and now he could see why Xavier was hesitant to let him go.
“I see her,” Jean said. “She’s not with anyone.”
Jean’s earpiece was quiet after that.
Warren and Ororo sat there for what felt like forever. Jean and Scott talked occasionally, but it was never directly to them.
The young couple eventually lured Betsy into an empty room.
“You didn’t really bring me up here to sleep with me, did you?” She asked, messing with her hair in the slight reflection from a window.
Jean shook her head, “No. But we want you to come back with us… You’ve heard of Charles Xavier…”
Betsy nodded.
“He wants you to help him with the attacks on the mutant community in southern Italy.”
“What will he give me in return?” Scott and Jean exchanged a quick glance. They weren’t exactly sure.
Scott’s voice faltered slightly, “You can…”
Jean finished his sentence. “—You can discuss that with him when we get to New York.”
Betsy turned her head to look at them, “And what if I say no?”
“We’ll chase you down until you do,” Scott stated with more confidence than before.
“Alright. I’ll go with you.”
-
Betsy had no idea Warren was in London, or even alive for that matter. Warren had no idea how she was going to react, and he didn’t really want to find out.
But he didn’t really have an option.
“Give us time to pack up and we can leave for Westchester,” Jean explained in the ride back to the hotel.
“Who else is with you?”
“Dr. McCoy is back at the hotel, and Ororo and Warren should be there too.” Betsy’s expression changed. “You probably know them as—”
“I know exactly who they are. I thought Warren died…”
Scott shook his head, “Nope. He’s doing great.” Scott blinked away the uncertainty hidden behind his words.
Betsy nodded, unsure what to say. She thought about maybe jumping out of the car, and never seeing these people again. She knew Warren would be angry when he saw her. She couldn’t blame him.
“He’s not upset with you…” Betsy looked at Jean, a bit shocked. “He’s hurting from something else… Don’t ask about it… just trust me...”
“Easy for you to say.” Betsy scoffed.
Jean shook her head, “You’ll see…”
“We’re here.” The driver stopped the car and the three got out.
Betsy looked up at the hotel the group was staying at, “Nice place.”
They walked in and headed to the nearest elevator. Jean was fidgeting with the comm in her ear.
“We got back about twenty minutes ago,” Ororo said.
“We’re on our way to our rooms,” Jean replied.
The elevator dinged, signaling it was at the destined floor.
-
They packed up quickly, and stood out in the hall, bags in hand.
Hank introduced himself to Betsy. Her response was short, she was preoccupied with her ex-boyfriend standing less than five feet away from her.
“Hi.”
He looked sad and more tired than usual. Seeing him sober was mind-blowing to Betsy, but people change. She hadn’t seen him in a few years— sure they saw each other during the Apocalypse incident, but that was a few days— she was really going to see him this time.
He didn’t respond to her. She frowned.
The plane ride was long and tedious. Betsy had nothing to do and wanted nothing more than to leave. So, she decided to try and talk to Warren again.
“Hey.” He turned his head around best he could and looked at Betsy questioningly. She nodded. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” Warren wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk.
“Cool… Cool…”
There was a pause before Warren spoke up, “Do you need anything?”
“Just wanted to talk…”
“You have other options.”
Betsy rolled her eyes.
“I don’t really wanna talk to you right now… And I don’t need you poking around in my head either.”
“I wasn’t going to,” She said calmly.
Warren didn’t respond. Betsy sighed, he was useless. Warren wasn’t going to talk even if she forced him. And she couldn’t really blame him, but she had a lingering feeling in her stomach.
Probably just my dinner digesting…
-
At some point, Betsy fell asleep, for when the plane landed Hank had to wake her up. She rubbed her eyes and undid her seatbelt.
“Do we have to go through security again?” Scott asked.
“Yeah, we left the country,” Hank told him while glancing at his watch.
Scott was not too thrilled. Everyone was tired to some degree. It was extremely late, and they went back a few hours due to the time zone.
“It won’t be that long. There’s hardly anyone here.”
Everyone went through security and headed to the baggage claim to get their stuff.
Jean was the first to get her suitcase— a medium-sized, teal one— Warren was next, and his was all black, to no one’s surprise, but the nametag on it looked drastic tied to the handle.
It was clear, with glitter and flowers trapped inside it. It didn’t seem like Warren at all to Betsy, but what did she know?
-
Hank took Betsy to an empty room and told her she could sleep there for the time being. She set her bags on the floor and looked around. There was a dated-looking wallpaper upon the walls, and the bed took up a little under half of the room.
It was alright.
Betsy rummaged through her bag for some pajamas when she heard footsteps.
Hank had left almost immediately after he showed her the room, so it couldn’t be him. She opened the door only to see Warren walking down the hall. She quietly followed him, staying several steps behind.
He went down to the main floor, and even further down into the basement.
This place is huge! Betsy said to herself.
The basement looked different from the rest of the mansion, for the walls and floor were made of metal.
Warren turned right, into a room within the basement. Betsy held her breath as she got closer.
What is he doing down here?
Betsy caught sight of a girl laying in a hospital bed. Warren sat down next to her and started talking…
That’s why he’s on edge… Betsy had accidentally bumped into something, making a loud noise.
Warren shot up, “Who’s there?”
Betsy tried to sneak out, but Warren caught her.
“Betsy!”
She froze.
“Why were you following me?”
“Why are you visiting a coma patient at three in the morning?” She asked back.
“She’s my girlfriend.”
“I mean I figured as much—”
“So leave.” He cut her off and was sharp. “Please…” He pleaded more in his last word.
She looked at her unconscious figure, “I could help…”
“No,” He was stern.
“I could—” “—You’d kill her.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” She defended.
“Yeah, you would. Her mutation makes her basically hibernate until March, so she’s fine.”
“I could still help— I’ve helped you before…”
“No, you didn’t! You were constantly going in and out of my life whenever it was convenient for you and came back when I didn’t need you too! You— you ruined my life!”
Betsy felt a wave of guilt wash over her.
“Look…” Warren sighed. “Betsy… I’m sorry. I don’t want your help… I don’t want you to hurt her.”
Betsy nodded, she knew Warren wasn’t going to change his mind.
“Okay.”
“What?”
“I won’t help you.” She left the medical room, leaving Warren alone with his thoughts.
-
Over the next few days, Betsy accommodated herself to the mansion, giving Xavier the information he wanted, and exploring the grounds.
She was almost always accompanied by Jubilee, per some people’s request, seeing as her past wasn’t spotless.
Jubilee was full of energy, and always willing to tell Betsy whatever she asked about.
“Who’s Warren’s girlfriend?”
“Her name is (Y/N). She controls plants. She can also grow them from her body. And her eyes change color based on her mood… She’s uh, she’s not around at the moment, but that’s not important.”
Betsy nodded along as Jubilee spoke. “Is he happy?”
“Do you miss him?”
Betsy struggled to let out a straight answer, “No— ugh— I just— I ruined his life.”
“You didn’t ruin his life!” Betsy glared at her. “Okay, okay, maybe you kind of did ruin his life, but he’s fine now. He’s just a little on edge you’re here and (Y/N) isn’t.”
“I don’t need to stay here—”
“Bullshit!” Jubilee exclaimed. “You’ve got nowhere else to go, really.”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
-
Betsy was rarely ever alone. She was too busy helping the X-Men.
She had a few moments to herself though. She was never sure what to do. She couldn’t just up and leave and go out to some bar and sulk in a corner and come back drunk and angry— that’d paint her as extremely irresponsible. She didn’t want to bore or impose on the X-Men if she didn’t have to.
She wandered around the mansion. It was massive and somewhat old and stuffy looking, but also gave off those classic school vibes.
Betsy wandered into the basement at some point and quickly learned, that was where the X-Men trained, made battle and mission plans, stored their jet, Hank worked on costumes and more in his lab, and where their medical bay was kept.
She knew she shouldn’t be down there alone. Betsy wasn’t going to do anything bad, but it felt wrong.
She was watching a girl in a coma sleep. There were so many things wrong about that.
Of course, no one would really care, except for maybe Warren— but he had every good reason to.
“You keep visiting me.”
Betsy almost jumped. The voice had startled her. She thought she was alone.
“Jean?” But didn’t sound like Jean. Betsy couldn’t decipher who it was.
She sat there for another thirty minutes, hoping the voice would return, but it didn’t.
So she got up and left.
It was probably just a student. My telepathic abilities aren’t the strongest. It was probably just a student somewhere on the grounds…
She didn’t tell anyone about the voice. She didn’t want to seem crazy, because it probably didn’t mean anything.
-
“Hey, guys! I found this on my google drive! It’s a bunch of videos from Xavier’s fourth of July party!” Peter had his laptop open at a table, with a few papers spread about.
Everyone, including Betsy, gathered around Peter as he played a few video clips.
It was Warren, Peter, Scott, and (Y/N) all together in the first one. They were walking in a parking lot with shopping bags in their hands.
“We just spent—” Peter cut Warren off.
“We just spent $2,000 on fireworks! Holy fuck!” Everyone else is laughing at his enthusiasm.
“Can’t Jubilee just produce fireworks? Why did we need this many anyway?”
“It’s for the American aesthetic, (Y/N)!”
They got into the car and Peter was still recording.
“Weren’t you born in Poland or something?”
“America was founded on immigration—”
The clip was cut off, and the next one played automatically. But Betsy remembered the voice. The female one. It was like the one she heard in the basement… was (Y/N) trying to contact her?
She tried to focus as the next few clips played, she needed to hear (Y/N)’s voice again.
“Kurt, look—” Peter was still recording with his smartphone, he had zoomed in on a darker part of Xavier’s. It was a tree, and two people were leaning up against it— clearly making out.
“Jean told me she went to get more popsicles!” Kurt whined.
Everyone watching was laughing, except for Scott and Jean, who were extremely embarrassed they got caught.
“You ain’t slick, Summers.”
“Shut up.”
Footsteps could be heard. “What are we doing?” (Y/N) asked.
“Look—” Kurt motioned to the couple at the tree.
“Oh, gross. They don’t even know we’re watching! And to think… Warren went inside to see what Jean was doing…”
“Well, he won’t find out,” Kurt joked.
Betsy knew she heard (Y/N) voice in the basement… but why? Was she a ghost? Did her unconscious state allow her to communicate telepathically?
She needed to go back there, alone, but she knew that was almost impossible. Hank was almost always down in the lab, and Warren was almost always visiting (Y/N).
-
That didn’t really matter to her. Betsy needed to talk to her or hear her voice again. She thought about asking Jean, but she thought that would be fruitless.
She went to visit (Y/N) again, but this time she spoke to her.
“Can you hear me?”
No response.
“My name is Betsy Braddock. I know who you are and I’m not going to hurt you.”
Betsy huffed, “This is stupid!” She got up and began to walk out.
“Wait!” Betsy froze. (Y/N) said something. “You keep visiting me…”
“I’m just curious about you,” Betsy responded.
“Why?”
“I don’t know I—”
“Betsy?” Warren’s voice was stern and almost angry. “What are you doing here?”
“I can hear her. Like, with my abilities… I know you didn’t really want me down here and I understand—”
“Then why are you here?”
“I wanted to see if I could communicate with her telepathically…” She admitted. “That’s all. I’m not trying to wake her or anything.”
“I’m sorry… but I can hear people and it’s nice to have someone who can hear me back…”
Betsy, plagued with guilt, looked over at (Y/N), whos lifeless form hadn’t changed a bit, despite the obvious sadness in her words.
“I just feel, so bad and I don’t know why and… I ruined your life. There’s no shortcut, without me you would have left the fighting ring in less than three weeks… You’d have your feathery wings still… but I loved you and I couldn’t let go, and I thought bringing Apocalypse to you would make up for all the shit I did…”
“I was a kid. I didn’t even know what love meant! And I’m not avoiding you on purpose, I don’t resent you as much as I did when I first came here… but I don’t know what you want, okay? Our lives aren’t connected anymore, and I just want (Y/N) back...” Warren was biting down on his lip to keep himself from breaking down crying.
“Tell him I’m sorry.”
“(Y/N) said she’s sorry…”
Warren’s gaze shifted between the two girls.
“Why is she sorry?”
“All I’ve done since Christmas is make him unhappy and upset. He deserves someone who isn’t asleep for part of the year.”
“She said, you deserve someone who isn’t asleep for part of the year.”
Warren walked over to (Y/N)’s body, he held her hand in his. “It’s not about what I may or may not deserve. It’s about what I want and love.”
“I love him…”
Betsy was about to repeat what she said, but Warren was crying. He had let a single tear drip down.
It landed on (Y/N)’s hand. And soon as it did, her eyes flew open.
-
She was gasping for air, eyes squinting up at the fluorescent lights. (Y/N) heard voices.
“She’s awake…”
“It’s almost March, that might be too early—“
“—I’ll be fine,” (Y/N) interrupted. She rubbed her eyes and turned her eyes away from the lights, looking over at Warren, who was at her side, tears in his eyes.
“Betsy, go get Hank.” He instructed. Warren looked back at (Y/N), holding her hand in his, and his other cupping her cheek.
“Hi.” She murmured in a groggy tone.
“Hi.” He kissed her forehead. “I missed you.”
“I know… I’m sorry…”
“Sorry?” Warren was perplexed. “What for?”
“I couldn’t stay awake, and I hurt you, Warren. I made you cry and think you weren’t good enough for me…” She snuffled her nose.
“That’s bullshit. You could never hurt me. I was crying because I couldn’t do anything. The last time I saw you was before I went to Italy on some dumb mission— I missed you… I missed your smile, I missed how you’d make flower crowns and put them on my head, how I could go to you after a nightmare no matter what time of night it was, or how you told me I helped you become more assertive and learn it’s okay to say no, or you showing me the beauty in everything— I…” His voice was breaking, but all (Y/N) could see in his eyes was happiness. “I can’t live without you… I love you.”
“Oh, Warren, baby…” She squeezed his hand.
Warren cupped her face with his free hand and kissed her.
That one kiss said everything he wanted to say. It let out his feelings. It had passion and swiftness backing it up, followed by his undying love for (Y/N).
She kissed him back, trying to make up for the time they’ve lost. Her lips fit prefectures against his.
It was like the first time they kissed, full of everything she wanted, except much longer, with more meaning to it.
They broke apart slowly, almost as if they didn’t want to.
“I love you too…” She murmured.
#warren worthington iii x reader#x-men x reader#warren worthington x reader#warren x reader#warren worthington iii#warren worthington#angel x reader#archangel#archangel x reader#ben hardy x reader#ben hardy#x-men spinoff#ben jones#angel#ben jones x reader
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you gonna be okay? - pjs + zcl (NCT)
hello. I wrote this to help myself out of a mental funk kinda ting, which is really depressing in itself, but it did help. I thought it would be a waste if no one saw it, ya know? it's a bit controversial. fun fact: I made a whole new account to post this so no one I know can find me here.
so um for context, both jisung and chenle are quite a bit older than me, and I'm over a year legal in my country. anyway. here we go yeehaw.
warnings: angst (⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️⚠️ MENTIONS OF SH AND PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACKS), kinda smut (like a little bit of grinding and marking and tongue salsa), jisung has anxiety or smth idk, chenle misses jisung, ends with fluff and stuff it's kinda kyoot
word count: 4.4k
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
the recurrence of these emotions should have been the first warning sign. how he had felt this way so often over the past 3 years. maybe the first time he marked up his own body should have been the second warning sign. the numbness within him fading to a euphoric stinging sensation within seconds, then to guilt and anxiety. no one could know. then maybe the third warning sign would have been his growing dependency on things that kill you from the inside. drinking and smoking to feel anything but numb or anxious or like he wanted to be crushed under a car. but none of the above felt like warning signs to him, because between the worst lows and the happy period right after, he would forget anything happened. he would ignore it. he would tell himself it wasnt a big deal, and that no one should know. so no one did.
jisung was seen as the funny, nice friend in this way. he would listen to others' problems and help them as much as he could. he would give people his things to make them happy, not expecting to get anything back himself. he wouldn't try to make others laugh, but would feel proud when he did. people liked him in a casual way. he was a good guy, a kind guy. jisung thought that too sometimes, before he stopped himself. "don't get too into your own head." he would think. "show these people how nice you are. be the happy person that people like. that will make you happy all the time." clearly, that didn't always work. but, to fulfill his purpose, he ignored and forgot the times when he didn't live up to his happy persona. it didn't happen. he was happy. always happy. nothing but happy. and he prayed to any and all gods that he would never get caught out.
°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Jisung. Talk to me for a sec." Coach spoke from across the gym. Whilst still laughing about a joke with his friends, he jogged over to the coach, smiling brightly. "What's up with you today? You get enough sleep? You were all over the place. I swear I saw you trip over your own feet a couple times." Jisung's smile almost faltered, but he caught himself before it could.
"Ah, coach. You know me. I may have spent a little bit longer on Overwatch last night than usual but it's only because of this one guy that kept busting my nu- killstreak, man! I had to get him back or I wouldn't have slept at all!" Coach laughed at the teen's obvious rage thinking back to this other player and his tone softened.
"Yeah, yeah. I do get it. But don't let it happen again, alright? You're my star player and I'm counting on you for regionals. You won't let me down, right?"
"Sir, no, sir!" Jisung projected.
"You cheeky brat. Go on. Get outta here." the coach laughed as Jisung jogged back over to where his friends were joking and packing their bags.
"Hey, Sung. What was that about?" questioned Jeno, whilst spraying himself with deodorant and suffocating the rest of the group.
"Watch it, fuckface!" exclaimed Renjun, coughing up his organs.
"Oh, nothing. Just talking about regionals." Jisung replied after clearing his throat of Lynx Africa.
"Ahh, star player Jisung! But you were a bit slow today, huh? I might just steal your spot up the coach's ass, you get me?" Jaemin nudged Jisung, making the group laugh at the boy's teasing remark.
"Never in a million years, Na." Jisung shoved the boy before grabbing his bag and sidestepping away to avoid reprisal. The other boys followed this action and started walking towards the door, talking between each other.
"So, do y'all wanna get some food or something?" Haechan asked the group, hinting that he definitely did want to get some food. The group all murmured in agreement, apart from Jisung, who replied "Ah, I would love to but my mum wants me back for dinner with the family tonight."
"Aww momma's boy Jisungie. How cute." Jaemin teased before reaching to squeeze the youngest's cheeks. Jisung backed away, making sounds of fear whilst smiling at his friend's show of affection. Jaemin eventually backed off and Jisung rubbed his now red cheeks. He drifted to the back of the group walking through the school's empty corridors. A few seconds later, Chenle found his way next to him.
"Hey, are you gonna make it on the PlayStation tonight?" he asked excitedly.
"Ah, I don't know, man. Depends if my mum lets me." Jisung replied whilst rubbing the nape of his neck.
"What? But she didn't let you play last night! That's child cruelty, I swear!" his shrill voice rang through Jisung's ears, making him flinch to the side.
"Yeah. I know it sucks. But you guys are great without me, too! You'll be fine, man."Jisung reassured the loud boy. They continued to talk about the game that Jisung had missed the night before until the group reached a crossroads. They waved goodbye and Jisung split off from the group who were heading to a diner around the corner. As he walked down the pavement towards his house, he realised how dark it had gotten in only 10 minutes. It made sense as it was December, and he sighed as he looked at the expansive sky with greys and whites mixing with dark blue. As he approached his house, he noticed that the Christmas lights had been put up, white and orange fairy lights strung across the bushes outside and over the front door. He smiled to himself. As he stepped into the house, his fingers tingled from the contrast of the freezing winter air outside and the cozy central heating inside. "Mum?" Jisung shouted down the corridor whilst taking off his shoes and putting his bag on the floor.
"Hey, Sungie! How was school?" her voice appeared from the living room and Jisung walked towards it.
"Ah, same old, same old, you know?" he shrugged.
"Are you not hanging out with your friends today?" she asked as she paused her TV programme. She had been watching Rick and Morty and Jisung couldn't help but think how much she would fit in with his age group. The thought made him cringe.
"No. They were all tired and had to go home." He said whilst looking at the paused TV screen.
"Oh, well. I hope you don't mind but me and dad are going out tonight with some friends so do you mind making your own dinner? Your sister's staying at her friend's house so don't worry about her and your brother's in his room with his friend and they're doing their own thing." Jisung's mum explained. Jisung's face almost dropped but, once again, he caught himself and smiled.
"Of course, that's fine. I'll make myself some ramen. Have fun tonight!" he said as he walked out of the room and grabbed his bag.
"You too!" his mum spoke before the sound of the TV started playing again. Jisung jogged upstairs and down the corridor to his room before walking in and locking the door behind him, as was his routine. He sighed and dropped his bag on the floor, standing still by the door. Next in his routine was the sudden wave of cold that rushed over him, so much colder than the rest of the house. Then his lip would start quivering and he may have let out a whimper or two, before dropping onto his bed and sobbing with no tears, just the feeling of hopelessness running through his veins. His body curled in on itself and his hands clawed at his bedsheets as his face dug into his pillow. He would then rock back and forth for the next half an hour, chanting such phrases as "I wish I was dead" or "I'm horrible" or maybe "I hate this". What it was that he hated? He couldn't tell you. He just knew he didn't want to be there anymore. Or anywhere really. He would contemplate carving into himself like a Halloween pumpkin again but would always chicken out just before, remembering how tiring it was to hide it the first times. He didn't want to add anymore stuff to his plate. Also, his physical appearance needed to match his social appearance. No one could know what he was like on his own. It was his own little secret. However, he needed to feel something. So he would curl up on his floor, his head against his carpet, and scratch all down his arms, as hard as he could. The sensation made him feel something, and feeling something felt euphoric. After maybe managing to shed a few tears and falling asleep, he would wake up feeling drained and somewhat annoyed for not being able to see the scratches on his arms. But of course, he would then think of himself as an attention-whore, and make himself forget anything had happened. His day then continues from then with him being the happy social butterfly he was known to be. And the cycle would repeat.
°•°•°•°•°•°•
"Hey, you better come hang with us tonight. I feel like I hardly see you anymore!" Chenle spoke to Jisung in what he would call his "quiet voice". Luckily, they were in the canteen and there was hardly anyone around.
"You know I would love to, but I've got a lot of homework to do! Mr Suh is being a real bitch lately, you know?" Jisung spoke back as he played with the rice on his plate. School food really did nothing for his constant nausea.
"But you've been working so much lately! You've had to do homework almost every day after school for the past month! And before that, your mum needed you to come home for dinner every night! I miss you, Sungie." Chenle's typically loud and screeching voice fell at the last bit, and Jisung looked up at the boy through his fringe. What did he mean by "I miss you" when he was right there in front of him? He hadn't gone anywhere.
"What do you mean "you miss me"? I'm right here, Lele." Jisung almost reached his hand out for Chenle's on the other side of the table, but ended up deciding against it and just leaning forwards slightly.
"But you're not though. I only see you in school now. And you hardly talk to me anymore. You used to tell me about stuff that's going on in your life. Now I have to talk to you first to get you to notice to me." Jisung's eyes began to get hot as he looked down at the table. He could feel his heartbeat in his stomach and his muscles begin to twitch. This wasn't good. "Do you even like me anymore? I thought you were my best friend, Jisung. What's happened to you?" Chenle's voice held an apprehensive and somewhat emotional tone. Jisung couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of there.
"I've gotta go." he rushed out his words in a hushed tone to stop his tears from falling, whilst pushing up from his seat and speeding out of the canteen as fast as possible without running. His eyes stayed trained on the ground and the tears welling up made him feel like he was about to throw up. He pushed open the door to a toilet block he knew no one would be in before rushing into a cubicle and locking the door behind him. He broke.
His sobs rang against the walls of the cubicle, no matter how much he tried to repress them. He slapped his hand over his mouth in attempt to quieten himself, and his tears fell like torrential rain, down his face, his hands and to the floor. His back slid down the wall of the cubicle until he was curled up on the floor in a puddle of his own trembling limbs and tears. He stayed in that state for 5 more minutes, neither his tears nor his emotions subsiding. Then, he heard the door of the toilet block crash open, promptly followed by a shout of "Jisung?". Chenle.
Jisung's eyes clenched shut so tightly that he was seeing stars, his nails now digging into his cheeks with how tightly he was covering his mouth. The tears didn't stop but at least they didn't make any noise. "Jisung. I know you're there. I won't break down the door. Just let me in." Chenle's voice turned softer, but now with an added hint of concern. Jisung dreaded to think that Chenle was concerned about him. He tried to stop the tears so he could face his friend, but they wouldn't stop, and he couldn't even move. He felt trapped where he was. His body had given up. "I'm not going anywhere, Jisung. I promise." Chenle's voice sounded close, like his head was against the other side of the door. Hearing him say that somehow made Jisung break even further. He didn't know that was possible. His sobs could suddenly be heard again even through his hands tight grasp on his face. "Jisung?" Chenle's voice sounded panicked now. He didn't want to do that to him. He needed to let him know he was there, even like this.
"Chenle-" he rasped out between sobs. His voice clearly sounded tired and weak, with a hint of desperation.
"Please, open the door, Sungie." Jisung sobbed harder, feeling incapable of moving whatsoever, but his best friend's distress gave him an ounce of motivation, but not without added guilt and shame. He hid his head in his arm against his knees and blindly reached for the lock on the door. He felt it unlock and immediately curled his other hand around himself, hoping to not be seen. Of course, that didn't happen. He heard a gasp from above and then felt the brush of air against his arm as his friend dropped down next to him. His sobs had still not stopped and he felt the smallest he had ever felt in his life right at this moment, curled up on the toilet floor next to his best friend. He didn't know what he had expected to happen, but it certainly wasn't the warm feeling of his friends arms wrapping around him, and the warmth of his breath against his neck. They didn't usually do that with each other. This only spurred on more tears, but slightly fuzzier ones. With some sensation back in his body, he twisted his hand upwards to hold onto his friend's arm, a small message to the other boy in an attempt to translate how grateful he is to him and that he's the best friend anyone could ever wish for. It may have not translated that whole message, but he hoped that it got pretty close.
"You're gonna be okay, Sungie." Chenle spoke into the crying boy's neck. The warmth tickled him and caused a hot shiver to run across his spine. Wait. Was he blushing? In shock about having just blushed at the actions of his best friend, he managed to lift his head up and open his eyes. His sight was blurred but he could see the wavy outline of his small friend through his unrelenting tears. He could feel hands upon his cheeks as they turned his face towards him to wipe at the tears under his eyes with the soft pads of his thumbs. He hoped so much that his face was red enough from crying to cover up the ever-growing blush that adorned his cheeks. He bit his lip and looked down in embarrassment, but Chenle didn't allow it. With his hands still resting on his cheeks, he lifted his head back up and pressed his forehead against the others. Out of surprise, Jisung's right hand shot up to hold onto the other's elbow, before sliding up to his hand against his cheek instead. He rested his hand on top of Chenle's and leant into it slightly, enjoying the feeling way too much than he should have felt okay with. His eyes fell shut again as he released a sigh that fluttered against Chenle's cheeks. They sat there, sharing each other's space, for what felt like years. Jisung wished the feeling would never stop. But as long as Chenle was with him, he felt like it never would.
After his tears had slowed and his breathing had evened out, Jisung felt Chenle's hand slide away from his face. He felt himself almost starting to cry yet again, before Chenle's fingers slid between his own and his thumb started rubbing his hand. Chenle's head pulled away from Jisung's and tilted against the wall they were both leaning against instead. "Is this okay?" Chenle asked in a genuinely hushed and soothing voice, one that Jisung didn't know he was capable of. He couldn't tell what Chenle was referring to until he squeezed Jisung's hand ever so slightly and Jisung blushed yet again.
"Yeah. It's fine." the corners of his mouth tilted ever so slightly before he realised and stopped himself. But Chenle didn't even try to stop himself. He had already noticed Jisung's mistake and smiled back widely himself. This only made Jisung feel shy and bashfully smile at the floor.
"Your smile is so pretty." Chenle stated, as if it was the most obvious fact in the galaxy. Jisung's eyes shot up to the other boy's face, who was now giggling at Jisung's reaction. Jisung quickly looked back down to the floor as he felt the flustered feeling spread all over his head.
As Chenle's giggles quietened down, Jisung tilted his head against the wall, before realising just how close their faces were. He could feel Chenle's breath against his lips. He felt an involuntary sound creeping up his throat, but swallowed hard to keep it down. "Are you feeling any better?" Chenle spoke in a deep voice, quiet and gentle on Jisung's currently sensitive ears.
"I do feel better right now." Jisung responded, his voice still weak and raspy.
"Right now?" Chenle's eyebrows curled in confusion. "Why right now?"
Jisung couldn't stop the words from coming out. "Because you're here." His eyes widened the second after he let it slip from his lips, having shocked himself with the obvious "line". He didn't know how to repair that. So he just stayed silent, red in the face and frozen. He only barely noticed Chenle's small smile before he registered that they were somehow even closer to one another. He felt their noses brush together and this time, he didn't think fast enough to stop the involuntary sound falling off his lips. A hushed whimper spilled into the shared breathing space between them. Chenle's head was back where it was before, pressed against Jisung's, and Jisung couldn't stop himself from glancing down at his best friend's lips. His best friend, he thought. This was not normal, and he knew it. But he didn't care. It felt so much better than anything he had ever done before. So much more natural. He wanted this. So bad.
His mouth was slightly open, trying to maximise his air intake as the air around him suddenly got so hot.
"Can I?" He felt Chenle's breath against his tongue, and his nose brushed against Jisung's once more.
"Please." It came out much more whiny than he had expected, but he wasn't even ashamed anymore as his best friend's lips melted into his own, their synchronisation making Jisung feel like he had been missing this his whole life. Chenle. Just Chenle. They seemed to fall into a trance as the taste and feeling of one another became addictive. Jisung only realised what was happening when he felt a hand sliding up his arm and towards his neck, the thumb rubbing against his jugular. Another hand had slid up his leg and was squeezing his thigh. Jisung couldn't help but grab onto the front of Chenle's shirt and pull his body even closer as he released yet another whimpering noise. That was a cue for Chenle to lick at Jisung's bottom lip, subtly asking for permission to take this further. It wasn't even a question for Jisung. He let his mouth fall open and Chenle was immediately there, lapping at the other's tongue with his own. The feeling made Chenle groan slightly, and Jisung's fist clenched tighter on his shirt in response, another whimper falling from his occupied lips. He felt breathless in the best way, so didn't even attempt to pull away to breathe. He didn't want to stop and could tell that neither did Chenle.
A few minutes later, Chenle had explored Jisung's entire mouth and wanted to find out some more about the boy, so his hands fell to his hips and pulled slightly, inviting Jisung to come closer. Jisung took this offer with delight, climbing onto the other's lap and leaning back onto the other's knees as Chenle slid his back further up the wall for a more comfortable position. They both quickly found each other's lips again and got right back into the flow of the situation. Chenle's hands had drifted from Jisung's tiny waist to his hips, just above his ass that was sat in a place that he didn't want to dwell too much on, though he found that to be extremely difficult with how fidgety Jisung could be. Jisung's hands found purchase against Chenle's chest again, occasionally grasping at his shirt when he felt to overwhelmed, so the entire time really.
After a few more minutes, Chenle leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at Jisung with so much adoration. Jisung felt hot under his stare and missed the feeling of his lips.
"You're so hot, baby." Chenle spoke in his low voice, like he was talking to himself. Jisung whined and leaned in, hoping to find Chenle's lips again, only to be stopped by the feeling of a hand around the base of his neck, not holding him, just applying light pressure, enough to stop him in his tracks and make him roll his hips. The feeling made his head fall back and he accidentally released a moan. He felt embarrassed, but also really, really hot. He heard a growl from below him but before he could look back down, he felt Chenle's hot mouth against his neck, right next to his jugular. His teeth bit into the skin and his mouth sucked around the mark, making Jisung involuntarily move his hips faster against Chenle's torso, looking for any friction whatsoever. Like Chenle was reading his mind, he ground his hips upwards into Jisung's own, right as he bit into the other side of his neck. "Fuck!" Jisung exclaimed, the breath being knocked out of his lungs at the sensation.
"Close already?" Chenle teased. Jisung suddenly realised how weird it was to hear that from his best friend. The best friend he would play games with as a child. the best friend he would talk about girls with in his early teen years. The best friend he would vent to when he was stressed, and who would do the same back. The best friend he had talked about getting a house with in the future, somewhere in a big city. The best friend that was now making him feel so fucking good on the floor of the school toilets when they're both supposed to be in lessons. The best friend he wants to scream the name of for the rest of his life, disturbing the neighbours and almost getting kicked out of several apartments. He's not even mad.
°•°•°•°•°•°•
Them walking out of that toilet block must have been the most comedic moment in either of their lives. To set the scene, they both styled matching red faces and disheveled hair, with Chenle rocking a creased shirt and Jisung showing off his abundance of blossoming purple and red bite marks, trailing all over his jaw and neck and deep down into his collar line and, to top it all off, their non-chalant "we did not just fuck I swear" facial expressions. Glancing up and down the corridor to avoid any other unsuspecting students, they made a bee-line for Chenle's locker where he knew he kept a hoodie to hide Jisung's Vincent Van Gogh "Starry Night"-lookin' neck. The only problem was that it was on the other side of the school.
Why Jisung decided to come instead of waiting, Chenle didn't know. He just thought he was too cute and didn't really want to leave him alone either. But luckily, it was still lesson time, so there was hardly anyone in the halls. So there they were, running through the halls Breakfast Club-style, dodging teachers and the odd student, until they reached Chenle's locker. He made quick work of opening it and grabbing the hoodie, buried underneath about 5 textbooks, 3 folders and a bag of snacks. "You're a mess." Jisung joked.
"Look, do you want the hoodie or not?" Chenle reiterated, his eyes wide as if he were scolding a child.
"Yes, yes, I'm sorry!" Jisung giggled, taking the hoodie from Chenle's hands. Chenle jabbed quickly at Jisung's stomach, making him bend over and jump backwards dramatically. He pulled the hoodie over himself, surprised that it was kind of big on him.
"Not as big as you thought you were, huh?" Chenle quirked his eyebrow and Jisung blushed, once again, at his remark. He pulled up the hood and tugged the strings tight around his head, making Chenle coo at him. "You baby." And Jisung swore he could somehow hear the star emojis and "uwu" emoticon in his voice. Chenle walked closer to him, holding his sweater paws and then looking around to make sure no one was there. He then leaned in to quickly steal another kiss, lingering too long for it to be classed as a peck. "What lesson have you got now?" Chenle asked, still holding Jisung's sweater paws, now leaning against the lockers.
"I think Chemistry?" Jisung puffed out his cheeks in thought. Chenle was enamored.
"You okay to go? I can stay with you if you want me to." Chenle reasoned. Jisung's eyes dropped to the ground as he smiled.
"I'm definitely feeling better right now. I might even learn something in Chem." Jisung chuckled.
"Wouldn't that be a miracle." Chenle smiled. The other then pushed his shoulder lightly, making him giggle.
"I'm gonna miss you." Jisung mumbled towards his feet. Chenle leaned in further, smiling.
"That's cheesy and disgusting but you're cute so I'm gonna miss you too." He punctuated his statement with a kiss on the other's lips. Followed by another one. Then another. And another. They were both really lost in each other. And they didn't want to be anything else.
#nct#nctdream#angst#fluff#smut#chenle#zhongchenle#jisung#parkjisung#jisungnct#nct fic#i'm sad#gay#kpop
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toffee!
ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.
ah yeah ty, good suggestions.
hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(
ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)
hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)
cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe
thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track
domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*
ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album
the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy
sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha
silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either
secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it
STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.
red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved
surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?
gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining
wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)
hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha
<3 w.a. 🐺
i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.
oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.
man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d
okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!
> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)
back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.
i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.
i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.
PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)
i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!
wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ
and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA
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Ask sent by @holy-hyuck
yeah, it's the same with psychology, although having a degree is already something. but anyway, i do hope you find something that suits you. i think studying abroad for a year during the degree will give you some invaluable experience and also probably great memories. i feel you, we had the first semester in person and then from december to april we were stuck at home. i did also go out shopping, and afterwards (around march) would stay over at my sister's so i would be stuck at hers most days, it was really tough to concentrate or do anything there as well (also was looking after her puppies and they took up soo much time it's crazy). i actually started exercise during the latest lockdown but for me, i feel more motivated if the weather is sunny and lately it's been pretty dull. i would also wake up late so having to think about having to exercise in a couple hours was daunting. also i'm lazy haha yay! 🥳🥳🥳 well not you can relax then, you definitely deserve a break. did you have traditional exams or were they adjusted because of restrictions? i might force someone to come with me next year somewhere then hehe (i live in a small city and my uni is in an even smaller one) that's crazy, i wouldn't have survived. i hate trying to sleep when it's hot, it's so uncomfortable. how come you're moving back to the student residence? are you staying there for the summer? that's really cool then. i'd love to volunteer at an animal shelter, maybe when i finish uni or something. i'd love to work in a shelter too, and apparently you don't need a degree so it might be something i'll be looking into in the future definitely let me know! oh, Switzerland, that sounds great! let me know how that goes as well 😊
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Yeah true, honestly idk if I got good enough grades this semester to pass ☹️ yeah true, I hope I get another chance to do an exchange or smth alike !
Oh wow sounds tough ! I guess quarantine was hard on both of us, especially the online school part hih 😭😅 oh that's nice ! I plan on starting next week or so, when I'm done moving my stuff out of the student residence back to my parent's house! (no I'm not staying there this summer)
My exams were all online open-books exams in the form of an essay and honestly I absolutely HATE writing essays and stuff like that, it's just not for me. Also the fact I was tire 24/7 didn't help me build a cohesive piece of writing 😅
That's cool ! I'd also love to do smth like this in the future ! I haven't heard back from the voluntary service organisation yet, I'm checking every day tho 😭 I just want to be accepted somewhere just so I stop stressing about it...
I just came back from the small trip and it was nice ! I am not a big fan of camping, especially if it involves tents but I managed to survive 😂 we were in Geneva only for a day but it was really nice ! I definetly want to go back to visit more !
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i want to get to know you so do 1-50 (except 29) 🌻
This is really really sweet of you anon thank u!!
__________________________________________
1. how many pillows do you sleep with?
I have 6 in my bed rn
and over 20 plushies
its never enough
2. do you believe in soulmates?
yes i do
3. would you ever kiss a stranger?
yes but not if its like total-never-spoke-to-them stranger
4. describe your dream house
i would prefer not a house but a nice penthouse-loft-apartment in a big city with a nice view and big windows
interior would be minimalistic style with light wood and a big double sized bed for me (since i dont think i will have a partner lol)
i would love an apartment with multiple floors or like a half-floor for the bedroom
5. do you usually use cash or card?
card
6. do you enjoy driving in general?
i hate it with a burning passion
7. do you like your name? if not, what would you change your name to?
i dont HATE my name
there are better/prettier ones but i think mine fits me
i would still like a more international name (since mine is kinda weird in the english speaking world) but i dont have smth specific in mind
8. what’s your favorite cuisine?
italian ~
9. how often do you get massages?
i dont o.o i got some a few years ago because my back is fucked but otherwise never
10. do you play video games? if so, what games?
generally chill games like animal crossing, stardew valley and such, the big nintendo titles like mario kart and zelda, binding of isaac
11. do you prefer to color with colored pencils, crayons, or markers?
colored pencils!
12. what other fandoms are you in?
oh boy
okay so apart from all of kpop and thai dramas im in
skam
aftg
hp
trc
the mentioned video games if you wanna count that as fandoms
im probably forgetting a ton rn
13. do you have a signature in your style/everyday outfits?
if its comfy i like it
usually involves hoodies or boys shirts
i prefer if i dont have to worry about showing skin somewhere i dont want to
14. do you have any pets? if not, do you want some in the future?
no i dont have any atm but i had bunnies, birds and a guniea pig before. and yes i want cats when i move out
15. do you give objects you own a name? (car, house, plants, etc)
i named my cactus but it died (plants hate me) i also name all my plushies and random animals on the street
16. do you like the weather where you live?
its okay yea. summers are not too hot but i wish the winters were cold enough for snow :(
17. if you could wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?
black! its generally my comfort color in clothes
18. do you like making small talk?
WHO tf likes smalltalk? no!
19. what’s your favorite social media platform?
tumblr 100%
20. have you ever been to hawaii?
no :(
21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate
no offence but crop tops
i dont hate them they look good on you guys
but i hate that i cant find hoodies and shirts in womans sections anymore that arent cropped (ive been searching the past 6 months and everytime i like smth its cropped - i especially hated that when looking for oversized hoodies)
i dont wear them myself because cold so it sucks not finding cute clothes
i also fundamentally disagree with mustard-yellow
22. name a fashion trend that you absolutely love
oversized hoodies with ripped jeans and boots was my winter favourite
23. what was the last text you sent?
“okay” in out family groupchat lol
24. when making plans, do you like to organize or go with the flow when the time comes?
i like it to be organized but not be the one who actually organizes it if that makes sense?
25. what do you want to name your future kids?
i dont want kids but i wanna name my cats mochi and (c)leo (depending on gender)
26. do you have a type?
with looks i generally prefer darker hair with pretty eyes but if im comfortable with u it doesnt matter
if u like cuddling, are patient and gentle and love to make jokes that arent funny i probably like u lots
27. when was the last time you kissed someone?
like...kissed kissed? in grade 7 so...2012? my first and last kiss lol
28. how often do you cook?
as often as necessary, as little as possible (i cant really cook except for pasta and stuff so im mostly living of instant meals and “cut up a lot of things and put it in a pan until its browned” kinda stuff)
30. do you always remember your dreams?
no i dont
i had a dream diary once but that was a disaster
31. do you believe in ghosts?
yea kinda
i believe in invisible spirits/souls living with us yea
32. would you ever want to move outside of your country?
sometimes? im too scared to actually do it but there are many nice cities i would love to live in
33. describe your first love
well idk about love...it was always more of an obsession kinda thing and it was never a two-way-thing so i never had a real first love...
34. more peanut butter or more jelly?
i hate peanuts so no pb and only jelly (or nutella if you love me)
35. do your irls know about your tumblr account?
they know i have a tumblr but only my best friend actually follows me (and a high school friend i lost contact to)
my other friends dont have tumblr so they dont care
36. do you prefer hot or cold beverages?
cold!
37. when was the last time you finished a book?
i reread the aftg series last december for the 4th time
38. what would you want your wedding colors to be?
green-white? like a soft bright pastel green? maybe add pastel pink too
39. how long do you let your nails grow?
if i can see them clearly from the inside of my hand i cut them
40. if you could stay at a certain age, what age would you pick?
probably 19 or 7 theres no in between
41. who do you think has it easiest: older siblings or younger siblings?
older siblings because they learn responsibility earlier
i dont have siblings tho so idk
42. how often do you post on social media?
on tumblr daily, on insta never, on twitter occasionally if fun stuff happens
43. do you enjoy big groups?
nope
44. do you like it when you’re awaken by the sounds of birds chirping?
its better than my alarm but waaay too early so nope
45. which hand is your favorite?
left?
46. how many people do you follow?
1152 (yes i might have a problem)
47. how many followers do you have?
359 on my main and 27 on my fandom side account
48. how many drafts do you have?
53 but i use it to save posts i find interesting or that contain links i might need later
49. do you hang or fold your sweaters?
hang because im lazy and it saves space on the clothes dryer rack
50. even numbers or odd?
odd!
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so i saw a post about a con that noah went to where he said that he wouldn't start filming until feb or march but he still expected the season to come out in december 2020. so they're probably shooting the russian/prison scenes first to get them all out of the way, meaning they might be shooting episodes out of order, because i don't think that's a plot that'll be resolved quickly at all. he also said that the scripts were pretty much done. things seem different with production this time around
yeah i mean i truly have no idea how they’re planning to release it by december at this point unless the show has actually been secretly filming for some time now or smth. like with s3 it took a little under 15 months from the moment they began production to when it was released. and that amount was prob a bit excessive and they were def at the end just waiting for fourth of july, but even season 2 took a full year from start to finish and they were TRULY down to the wire for the release date on that one (I remember Shawn talking about how the season was still being finished up until literally the week it was coming out). And s4 if I had to guess, will prob take longer than s2 and maybe even s3 to finish considering 1) there’ll likely be a lot more CGI and affects and 2) it’ll def take longer to film given how filming is set up rn. The whole subplot with the American is gonna take a huge chunk of time, and if they’re doing it as rumored now with all the scenes filmed first and then they go back to beginning and film the rest of the show, that’s gonna delay filming. And since the Byers moved, they’re gonna have their own subplot, which will take a while to do since Millie and Noah are both minors and if they’re gonna be carrying this whole subplot the show is gonna have to work around filming with child labor laws and stuff. Idk I would expect at the very least 7-8 months of filming, and even if they finish by say August, I find it very hard to believe they could get the season edited and finished and ready to go by December :/ Even if they can pull t off, it would be SO close and literally any delay could mess it up and idk I would expect them wanting to be able to take their time anyway
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Week1
GW:57.0kg
day1
CW: 57.7 kg
Waist: 26in
Thigh: 24in
Wrist: 6in
(guess i was bloated b4(60.3kg))
Breakfast: 40g water oatmeal
Lunch: lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, chicken 50g
Dinner: 1 slice of bread with 2 eggs, + lettuce and cucumber
Snack: 4 almonds
In addition: water, coffee , tea
After day 1 i was so hungry I couldn’t sleep, therefore i had the almonds. Not sure if I should make adjustments or try to shrink my stomach
day2
CW: 58.6kg
Not sure why my weight has gone up this much.. I was working all day yesterday and didn’t have time to exercise. I’m assuming it’s water weight or I’m constipated so I try not to worry about it! The most important thing is to keep going... In truth I should plan eating less this day, as I’m joining a birthday party tomorrow, but I would like to be able to sleep.
Breakfast: <40g oatmeal
Lunch: 1.5 slices of bread, scrambled eggs (2??), with crispy lettuce, 2 slices of bacon and 20g(?) philadelphia cream cheese
Dinner: 300mL soup, 1 apple(170g) + 5g peanut butter
Snack: 3 small bites of cake.. 200kcal?
In addition: water, coffee
End of day note: frick!! I couldn’t help myself from cake at work today, but I hope I managed to keep 1200kcal... I think I should punish myself tomorrow somehow, but I’m not sure how. It’s important I don’t give up now. I ate this much dinner so I’ll be able to sleep without waking up from hunger and binge or smth... Been thinking I should find a model around my height I can look up to, and work towards.
day3
CW: 57.7kg
I know I will probably have to eat something before I sleep so I’m able to... Instead of lunch I will go to the gym.
Breakfast: 40g oatmeal
Lunch: Smoothie ice cream + sugar free soda = 78kcal
Dinner: probz 600kcal of what’s served at the birthday party (scrambled eggs, 1 piece of bread, small piece of salmon and turkey, ice berg lettuce)+ 3 pieces of cake!!!
In addition: water, coffee, 0kcal energy booster
End of day note: So... Birthday party was pretty late so I didn’t have to worry about having to snack before sleep. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway because I had way too much dinner and dessert! At first I was planning on a very light dinner + 1 piece of something sweet, cakee, so noone would suspect anything, and maybe not finish it. I think I went so hungry shopping today, I barely had energy to move and so my body was really craving sugar and carbs by the end of the night. I wasn’t able to workout. HOWEVER. I will not quit. I can still do this. This is my 3-day-curse where I binge and quit. I will not quit. I will keep going and in the end I will see results. Tomorrow, I’ll have my regular breakfast, skip lunch for gym and light dinner and snack... I will just get back on track like regular. It will be okay. (Although it sucks cuz today I could actually see my pants had been getting looser!!!)
day4
CW: 57.8 kg
Aaaa I didn’t gain too much from my binge yet!! I’m going to the gym today and I hope all those calories will go in to preserving my muscles... Still so hungry now I’ve woken up tho?? I’m determined to follow my plan!! I will not quit, school starts in 2 weeks, and I’m leaving for uni in a year. I can keep this going! I will make my end of week goal.
Breakfast: 40g oatmeal
Lunch: =Half a pack cup noodles + 70g veggies mix
Dinner: 1 slice of bread with 1 egg, ice berg lettuce, cucumber + pepsi max
In addition: water, coffee, tea,
End of day note: I didnt really think i ate that much but looking back it’s kind of hard to tell. I was really hungry before lunch, but before dinner I was both hungry & full? maybe full on water? I was feeling sort of sick and didn’t want to eat but I needed my mom to see me eat a meal today, she’s acting suspicious. I assume I’ll gain my weight from yesterday tomorrow, especially since I can’t find my gym card and can’t go to the gym and only walked a lil less than 7k steps today. But as long as I stay on track I still have hope to hit my week goal by the end of the week!
day5
CW: 58.0 kg
As expected I did gain a lil bit of weight, even though I followed my plan yesterday. I’m hoping it’s water weight, and will still follow my plan today for results!
Breakfast: Oatmeal 40g w water
Lunch: 1 slice of bread, scrambled eggs (2?) , 2slices of bacon, 10g cream cheese
Dinner: 1 large slice of pizza w 1tbsp dressing
Snacks: 1 small piece of cake(but spit out and not swallowed) , 500mL sugar free soda= 10kcal, cheese from pizza buns 20g? + 5 pieces of chips
In addition: water, coffee, tea
End of day note: Aaaaa.binge.sadz. totally exceeded 1200kcals.gots to keep going, but what makes things worse is that i’m at my dads now and don’t have a scale... I won’t be able to weigh myself until wednesday :’( Don’t know how i’ll keep my motivation up then... I will try my best! If i just keep going I’ll be able to wear huge sweaters in december...
day6
CW: ???
I’m at my dad’s!!!
Breakfast: Oatmeal 40g w water
Lunch: lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, chicken 50g
Dinner: 3 small pieces of homemade pizza, small homemade pizza bun
Snack: lil chocolate=150kcal, lil cupcake topping=200kcal, pizza dough + 30?g cheese, 15 chips
In addition: water, coffee, pepsi max
End of day note: :(. cravings. have to learn to fightem. At least I’m at my mom’s now and will be able to weigh myself tomorrow for motivation.
day7
CW:57.9kg
1 week ago I weighed 60.3 kg, so I’ve sort of lost 2.4kg since that. But actually I lost 2.6kg overnight, and even though it was probz water weight or smth, this sort of feels disappointing. At least I’ve sort of maintained that weight, but I find it hard to believe I’ll lose 0.9kg over tomorrow, so I probz won’t reach my goal for the week. Nevertheless, I’ll have to keep trying today, and try to eat less. Today I’ll be superr-aware not to snack in between my meals like I did yesterday, and eat only in the presence of my mom. If my mom wants me to eat but I’m not feeling hungry, I’ll say I’m sick or smth and have smth small instead, we bought 95kcal musli bars yesterday.
Breakfast: 2 small slices home made grain bread + 1 slice gouda + 1 slice brown cheese + 10g butter + 1/4 cup lettuce + 4 slices of cucumber
Lunch: Family dinner, only 1 plate! = 1 hamburger (1 patty, 1bread, 1/2cup lettuce + 4 slices of cucumber) + dessert= 50g mango
Dinner: Chia pudding: 1dL almond milk + 2tbsp chia seeds
Snack: 95kcal muslibar, ‘3-400 kcals of small bites of cake+bread+chips
In addition: water, coffee, pepsi max , tea
End of day note: Well. I was not able to avoid snacking. I think the problem is having nothing to do after eating a meal boosts my cravings. Also I went for a mountain hike after breakfast w my mom today. I didn¨t have any energy and almost cried myself to the top as I didn’t even get motivation on the way. It was awful. I’m disappointed with the week but I guess I’ll see my progress tomorrow. I just have to keep going. I feel really lonely. I don’t have the energy to do anything, but I kind of want to. Idk. I have work tomorrow I guess. I’m going to allow myself a small scoop of ice cream if I crave chocolate when I’m hungry. Hoping I’ll avoid binging. Hope I didn’t gain weight. Hope I¨ll be able to sleep even though I’m hungry.
RESULTS
CW: 57.0kg! (-0.7kg)
Waist: 25.6 in (-0.4)
Thigh: 23 in (-1in) each
Wrist: 6 in
So I just woke up and omg. I really wasn’t sure if I made it! This is just what I needed to keep going. Hopefully I’ll make smarter choices and binge less next week, and get even more results. I’m really happy about my thighs since they are huge and I lost 1 whole inch. I thought they seemed smaller in the mirror but I wasn’t sure- overall I’m really happy I made my first week goal and will continue :)
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