#i think i can do that. it will just..take time. idk how to learn that skajfbsdjkbs
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i'm ending it here because i'm boutta be here all day lol
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ramble under the cut!!!!
lust's friend group is very tiny because everyone judges him for his job, but they're also all sanses so they're like "eh, not my problem" and really just ignore him, and even besides them lust has to work to get people to respect him. horror and lust are frenemies because they HATED each other at first sight- horror was very vocal about his prejudices and lust doesn't take shit from anybody. however, they're both old men just trying to get through their hell of a day without killing themselves, and they find common ground in that (same thing with lust and cross, except for them it's more lust teaching cross how to take himself seriously and turning into rivals instead) in my interpretation, lust dated a lot of people before realizing he was aro, with blue being his longest relationship. a lot of shit happened, but they're besties now.
horror and wine are frenemies because lthough they relate to ecah other, they do it in a "i pity you way", which pisses them both off. horror could never work for the royal guard, and i like to think horror takes his brother to move in with farm after leaving nightmare. it's basically saejun teaching him how to be a person again, and i think geno and farm would also make nice friends, since "old men who have finally learned to be content with what they have" trope. speaking of geno, i think he HATES reaper, like hate hate. i still haven't read aftertale, my only sources are analysis and pages out of order, but it just feels right to say? reaper likes pissing people off, so he sees geno as a pal because of this hate.
reaper and wine are dreams mentors, since reaper was supposed to have an appearance in dreamtale. reaper is more of a "using to learn your god powers" mentor while wine is "using your societal power", but they basically teach him that not everyone is going to want to be buddy buddy, and that's not something he should see as a failure (since they both have gone through the horrors). wine sees black as a more upbeat version of himself, but nox is always trying to be an opp, so he sees to reason to be friends. also they all hate fell because they think he's lazy and all bark yet no bite lol.
dust and fell are obviously friends in canon, but i feel like they especially relate because of their feeling of being trapped in hell and having to be guarded all the time (they're SO 30 for 30 by sza coded it's ridiculous), and if not romantic, i think that feeling can get familial. horror sees fell as a fake though, because he thinks underfell is just "undertale but they say fuck", so he thinks fell is all talk while he knows he wouldn't survive a DAY in horrortale (no one would), but dust and horror are friends, so horror forces himself to tolerate fell and give him advice about surviving (but more in a condescing tone).
sci and fell are a secret third thing because i could see them being siblings, rival friends or romantic (curse you cpau) so idk. same thinf with wine and cross because they're both royal guards who have gone through dictatorships, so they should relate to each other, but tehy're both bitches so they would probably be enemies, but them sparring would be so perfect???? maybe like a "my mentor is a bitch but it's to train me to do better", which works perfectly because cross is always trying to get people to see him as a superior, and wine always feels superior (but it's to do the same thing as cross), so wine talking down to him riles him up enough to try and beat him, and they can both let their stress out when they spar :) (they eventually realize that they've been living in a dictatorship where rheir leader has been incredibly selfish, don't worry)
swap and blueberror... idk how to explain it. i think they're very jinx and ekko coded. blueberror is the more hyper and blunt version of swap, and swap has to calm him down sometimes, but they would be besties because they bounce off of each other 👍
nightmare and ink are colleagues beacuse i said so :) ink is nightmare's equivalent of people watching video essays as background noise. also nightmare wanted to study fresh because he sees him as an anomaly (someone whose emotions he can't read, yet feels uneasy around him, depsite not knowing who he is), but then learned like one thing about him and decided not to open that can of worms. fresh just thinks nightmare is weird.
i think that's it... thank you for the chart sign!
Ship chart but it’s not a ship chart it’s a friendship/found family/QPR chart
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SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON 1 FINALE
CHECK THYSELF AND ENSURE THOU HAST READ THE FINALE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE
Hello. So Buddy’s a key.
Prepare for more mind blowing never-before-heard statements such as that last one.
As we can already assume, Buddy was not always a key: he was human before being put through a (dubiously ethical) process that turned him into a key, presumably by whoever the “Old Man” of Ex-Libris is. He and Violet were working together to turn him human again, and we don’t know exactly what they need to do that yet.
So far what we do know is Buddy’s been specifically following Chase into the books: not the keys themselves, or Deacon and Prunella.
Bearing that in mind, I would like to propose that in order for Buddy to stop being a key, he needs a candidate to take his place. And for some reason outside of his control, the most likely candidate is Chase.
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Not sure why exactly, maybe Chase’s personality matches the character key he would correspond to— which is proobably our resident Hero key, Goldie. I’ll get back to that, just a sec—
Punko said a couple of things in the season finale Q&A that caught my attention, mostly about Buddy’s irises being drawn differently from the human characters. It turns out they’re moonstones with a smooth cabochon cut instead of the OG keys’ faceted gem irises. But I’ll get back to that too, hold your horse gods—
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OK, Chase being compatible with Goldie. The other thing was when Punko mentioned that in the book world, key holders tend to get sorted into either hero or side-character based on how much they take control of their life choices. Specifically that Deacon’s arc the whole season thus far has been about becoming the hero of his own life; when asking for things to go his way doesn’t cut it and especially when his friends and family are in danger, Deacon learned he needed to make things go his way himself and just take action. (Can relate…)
When Buddy said Chase “might be useful after all,” in episode 23, it was after Chase had made so much craziness happen in a book about cats trying to “Parent Trap” Stagtown cameos, that it was going fully off the rails- and through quick thinking and sheer trying things he got the book to a satisfying and frankly more entertaining conclusion. You know, Chase is just like that.
My guess for how Buddy needs to swap places with Chase is he just needs Chase and Goldie to be in the same book together before he initiates something on his end, and then Chase would… merge with Goldie in the book? Which makes me worried for Goldie too, if that’s what does indeed happen😥Idk. (Maybe that’s part of why Buddy talks like the most Disney Villain mustache-twirling theater nerd of all time, too, his mind’s been combined with the Villain key’s to become Nox.)
Buddy didn’t know that they had found Goldie until Prunella revealed herself, finally he has everything he needs, and I think he was hurt enough to unhappily consider going through with the plan- but then of course drama happened and they came to an understanding in the book and it was GREAT🥲
Still, even though Buddy’s decided he won’t go through with it, I have a feeling that it will end up happening somehow. Because Drama.
But enough of that, all that theory up there? Who cares, whatever, that’s all build up for my REAL point:
Buddy’s key form has a moon theme, and moonstone cabochon eyeballs,
Thus I propose
Get ready
You’ll never believe it
Chase with
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☀️SUN☀️ STONE YORBS
(My god, what a feat of Logic)
Oh!! Oh oh, and Yes, the metallic striations (usually hematite?) can appear teal, pink, and yellow AKA Chase’s colors as a card-carrying 1980’s vaporwave pop punk lad— it’s almost like it was planned or something 😈
*maniacal cackling
ROCKS!!!!
#cinderella boy theory#cinderella boy chase#cinderella boy webtoon#punko#stargoth#cinderella boy deacon
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I've seen some very odd takes about certain language used in the scene where Mizrak rebukes Olrox at the end of Castlevania: Nocturne, which I think might be due to lack of knowledge about the historical context of certain things.
CW: historical racism against First Nation groups
I know reading academic articles isn't for everyone, but I have to wonder if a lot of people in the Castlevania: Nocturne fandom have not watched things like, say, Disney's 1995 animated Pocahontas, which, for all its many, many flaws, features the song, Savages. I'm not going to quote it in full here, you can find the song lyrics elsewhere (though the European colonizers do use the lines "vermin" and "barely even human", among other epithets). It's not a great song for a lot of reasons (among them being it tries to "both sides" things). But to look at the scene in CN where Mizrak, a Christian working in a European Christian church with at least some Europeans, calls Olrox, a First Nation man, an animal without the understanding of how Christian European colonizers (typically as part of or at least backed by some Christian churches) have viewed First Nation peoples and treated them, and certain epithets used for them, and how European Christian dehumanization of "new world" groups and non-Christians generally worked/works?
Well.
#castlevania nocturne#mizrak#racism#olrox#I mean it's probably a good thing people aren't watching the very racist movie#but it's weird considering the movie's impact on audiences and media generally and how well known it is#european and christian dehumanization of non-Christians and other marginalized peoples is well-known#and it has been weaponized many many times#to look at how Mizrak is specifically weaponizing that and ignoring what he is doing is a choice#also to ignore how Mizrak himself likely faced similar racism#and as a member of a marginalized group likely learned to weaponize himself after joining#which is a common thing as well in part as a survival tactic so you do not become a target of the in-group and get ostracized#you don't have to watch the Disney movie to know this stuff#it's just unfortunately probably a way a lot of people know about the phenomenon#like idk what do you think Christian Missions are for#a lot is happening in the scene and I'm not averse to the take that Mizrak is being very specific for a variety of reasons#I just think he is very aware of what he is saying#and why#don't see em as much lately but back when the show first came out stuff was wild#and some of the comments on my fics well#bigotry#I think the crew are doing very specific things about the weaponization of language#and how racism was used for colonization#and for indoctrination#and that is I guess still flying over folks' heads#like it's a double thing#vampires are considered animals by humans#but the word can have lots of meanings#like we've had the 'tired of elves being fantasy metaphors for racism' discourse#what do folks think vampires are
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Because of a beef of 2 possible psyops happening on TikTok that blew up in the last day or so.
Where one creator was anti-Democrat and explaining why they voted 3rd party. Then was told that they hurt trans ppl if they didn't vote for Kamala because Trump will hurt transppl more including with medicaid cuts. The first creator said they didn't care because to them Kamala still supports genocide in Gaza so they couldn't vote for her but they understood why other trans ppl might due to their medical needs.
Then another creator (that truscum overwhelmingly supports) got mad about this and said that they weren't really trans, they look cis so they aren't affected by trans legislation, that ciswomen aren't harmed by anti-trans laws, that transitioning should be equated with medical transition partially for medical treatment reasons and partially for reasons relating to how society sees them. They also emphasized AGAB a lot, even though this info wasn't disclosed or particularly relevant (they assumed AGAB) and then went on a rant about specifically AFAB people who are nonbinary (some TERFy rhetoric tbh). When called out for this, they and their defenders say that the 2nd creator is a black transwoman, the most in danger of all trans ppl from Trump's policies, so no one is allowed to disagree with her. And to go back to the voting topic, ig they don't see the inherent fascism in demanding someone vote how you demand - that that takes away the point of a vote in the first place.
This has caused an explosion of transmedicalism debate. It's still ongoing. Unfortunately, the transmedicalism side has significantly more creators making videos and talking about it. Like really really unfortunately. And the takes are so bad - tbh I didn't expect the regression I'm seeing in education, civil rights, food safety, science, history, etc, to also affect trans education/discourse online but it really has.
For the record, I am genderfluid, do not support transmedicalism, understand gender affirming care can look like many things, hang with homeless trans ppl and trans ppl from many different backgrounds, voted for Kamala. I strongly believe in civil rights and making sure everyone gets the right to vote how they want. I think it was obvious Trump was and is horrifyingly bad. I have had a hard time being chill with people who didn't vote out of apathy (not protest) or who voted for Trump, but truly I tend to blame the Democrats for not earning those voters, and even if they had gotten everything 3rd party vote, they wouldn't have won most likely. Attacking 3rd parties does nothing politically for Dems.
The solution is not then to police votes, but to earn them. Like do your jobs, Dems.
But instead they policed the first creator's trans status and tried to argue with them via appeal to authority for some reason (arguably emotional abuse), and invalidating and gatekeeping them. Like with really transphobic stuff, too. Ig the 2nd creator is an established trans creator (I've never heard of her but I do more in the drag scenes than whatever this creator is involved in), and have been accused of transmedicalism in the past. This creator I guess also has a LONG history of saying TERFy, self hating trans things (according to critics, idk, its just what I read) and has been in controversies for years about hateful things she said about NonBinary folx (I have since learned).
And so maybe at least 1 creator is a psyop meant to make trans ppl want to die. I certainly felt extremely extremely shitty after reading that discourse, when previously I was happy with who I am and my gender as described (and I am doing better now that I've regulated some). Particularly upsetting was the alienating transmedicalism trying to gaslight me that, for instance, homeless trans people who cannot access doctors are somehow advantaged. Brandon Teena was somehow advantaged being AFAB when he was murdered, because he wasn't on hormones so technically he could have passed as a woman if he wanted to or needed to. Really seemed to help him a lot, all that privilege (/s). And if he were still alive, would he be forced to vote how random people tell him who claim they are more disadvantaged than him, even though there's no real way to compare? I mean, that he was murdered kinda shows he was less advantaged than the annoying content creators making money off our suffering demanding we vote in a particular way.
Fuck this timeline.
Why am I seeing a rise in transmedicalism and truscum bullshit? I thought we were past this.
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hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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Soulmate AU in which when you touch your soulmate you swap bodies. It needs to be skin on skin contact and is instant. The only way to get back in the previous body is to touch again, otherwise you're stuck like that.
No matter the body all psychological and physical damage stays with you. That means if you get hurt then swap bodies, you will still feel it despite no longer having the wounds. This is only the case of existing wounds prior to swapping ; if new wounds happen to the hurt body after the swap you won't feel them, but the person in the body when it happens will. A very complicated way of saying that you can't get away from pain by swapping bodies with your soulmate as it will follow you.
There's no known consequences to not changing bodies back once swapped, though some might get sick for a few days after swapping back if they waited a long period of time to change back (say over a month, even longer depending on individual)
Now this but, you know... JeanMarco. And of course they find out during their time in the 104th Training Corps, because there's no way their skin didn't touch at least once in +3 years of training and being as close as they are. It isn't until break when they're able to visit home that they learn what it truly means ; up until that point they used it to swap chores (is the only reason why Jean didn't try to kill Eren during their shared chores- because it was actually Marco all along). At that point they knew each other perfectly.
Of course the whole situation was a little bit awkward for both of them when returning. They probably would end up avoiding each other for a bit because teenager boys and stuff, all until someone finally got the guts to mention the tension and ask them what's wrong- which forces them to talk and stuff. Doesn't matter, this is not what I want to talk about.
But the beautiful battle of Trost and what if, hypothetical speaking of course, they touch skin after Jean gets another ODM? And they're so used with each other by now, they don't even notice until the mission is nearly done anyway. And I don't know man, the idea of Jean dying while in Marco's body? Marco (in Jean's body) saying "I need to find Marco" once the mission is a success and research for his soulmate, just for him to not find him?? Not find him until 3 days later when some of them are assigned cleaning duty in Trost and he finds his own fucking body bitten in half???
The realization that it should've been Marco who died that day, but didn't because he was in Jean's body. The realization that not only his soulmate is dead, but he's stuck living his life. He's stuck living the life Jean can't because he died in Marco's place.
SEEING YOUR DEAD SOULMATE EVERYDAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Poor Marco would most likely avoy any reflective surface for a very long time, unable to see Jean's face looking at him.
The guilt of lying to everyone, because how does one even begin to explain what's going on? Him lying to Jean's mother to protect her from the harsh truth of the reality- that her son actually died and the one in front of her was a fake.
And the sad truth is that no one would notice because they've been doing it for months already. They knew how to act like each other to perfection. Even if Marco slipped at some point no one would question it because they got many traits from each other already.
#Ok Armin might notice at some point. But I think somewhere later in the series#And only because of something extremely trivial like idk man Jean thanking Eren for something like#You heard of twins switching lifes now I present to you soulmates doing the exact thing but there's no turning back from it#Don't we all love the swapping bodies trope?#Marco crying when he learns of how Jean truly died because //he only got killed because they thought he was Marco//#With the amount the angst thrown at him Marco might as well just stay dead#anyway#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#aot marco#jean kirschstein#soulmate au#JeanMarco Soulmates AU#Because there's a weirdly big lack of this trope for them and they deserve more#Hey hey. Is just a little scenario. There's 100% a lot of fluff going on during their training days#Lots of shenanigans too while learning to be comfortable in each other's body and stuff. And The Talk man#Everyone remembers that week in which Jean and Marco avoided each other like the worst week of their life#And some watched loved ones get eaten by titans man like it was THAT bad#Shadis was this 🤏🏻 close to starting an intervention because he wasn't paid enough to put up with whatever was going on#Oh nvm Ymir probably knew but that girl knew a lot of shit and said nothing so it doesn't matter. What's another secret added to the pile?#She could tell right away#Ymir takes one look at you and can tell immediately if you're gay or not. That girl got the gift#Marco living a life Jean would be proud of <3#Also Marco seeing the same exact illusion like Jean saw in canon and being like 'I'm right. Jean was born to be a great leader. I must#follow that path' then joining the Survey Corps because it felt right to do#The amount of times Marco has to stop himself from acting as Titan bait is ridiculous
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i genuinely hurt my mother’s feelings the other day by saying something i thought was just like a well-known fact about her personality and i feel a little bit guilty but she’s always been hyper-critical of the way i interact with other people and frequently tells me how i am bad and wrong and really difficult to enjoy talking to or being around so like… i’m not apologizing. if she feels guilty and bad about herself as a person because i casually mentioned how she’s not the most emotionally supportive person in the world… well so be it. i didn’t say anything untrue or even attach any moral value to being an emotionally supportive person or not. she attaches moral value to how appropriately i am able to engage in small talk… she’ll live
#she was actually very upset and i do feel bad but idk thats them apples#life aint fair and we all have flaws#thank you for being so obsessive about my flaws that i’ve learned how to accept being a flawed person i guess#like she wouldn’t have been able to impart that sentiment in me any other way#since she clearly doesn’t understand that you can be self aware of personal flaws and still accept yourself#which is a large part of where we butt heads she thinks i should be constantly trying to find meds or therapy to cure me#because she doesn’t understand that ‘incurable but treatable’ doesnt mean ‘incurable but if you take meds youre basically cured!’#and regardless of how much energy and time i devote to therapies or how many medications i try i’ll still be disabled and neuroatypical#and frankly medication roulette can and has left me worse off than before#but because it DID actually happen that i was given a medication that harmed me permanently and i was basically undergoing medical torture#my concern about the risks of just trying out meds til something works literally CAN’T be based off of reason/research it’s just reactionary
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Gonna start posting again soon fr , it’s just hard to manage my time , venting in the tags incomingggg ✈️
#I just like this gif . it’s neat#hopefully finish SOMETHINGGG tn or tomorrow I have sooo many wips#it’s like so hard to balance playing with drawing and also it’s hard to do stuff bc I feel bad for not doing “productive things???#like I need to figure out what I’m doing for school and figure all that out and learn how to cook and just idk basic human things that I’m#sooo far behind in and idk I have a lot of stress with it all the time? it’s a whole thing I think it’ll only be better when my job#insurance hits and I can go to therapy 😜 my mom messed me up fr I fear …#I’m rlly scared for my insurance tho lowkey bc I haven’t went to dentist since 4th grade and yeah.. never been a good tooth situation#in the first place so I rlly hope I don’t have to get any pulled 😳😳#anyway I’ll prob delete this I’m just ventinggg#it’s still sooo much better than my life when I was tattooing and couldn’t afford my bills and super stressed so like idk why I still am#like this like I live with my bfs parents they’re so sweet and they cook all the time and have said I’m like a daughter#but that almost makes the mommy issues worse yaknow bc it kind of is… but I know it’s not like a true daughter like if I did something craz#she’d be like bye LOL#which makes sense !!!!! but still idk I wish I had that bond that cannotttt be brokennn#oghhhh why is my mom an actual meth headdd 😩 idk how I turned out so chill but there’s def still problems here ….#I do work!!! it’s part time now thouughhh since ups will pay for school 🏫#oh also I’m so lonelyyy I moved 3 hrs away to live with his parents and nobody at work rlly talks to me also bf lives states away#he was supposed to take me with him but he broke up with me and we got back together but like. hurts I should be over thereee#I’ll def delete this later prob but wanted to speak into the void .. thank u… going to weed store now …
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a3c592a032ea845b6002ec67d3b573c8/91f330dd25c49f26-9e/s250x250_c1/228af699687339ffe600b7b8cf7c8c41a3573afd.jpg)
meeting w the transfer admin went well!
#day was off to a not perfect start w getting locked out lmfao#but it's been good from there#got a lot of questions/concerns answered and some good recommendations for paths forward#he's going to make me some official sort of like... plans for pathways with the bshs/bshp programs based on things we chatted abt#(that will hopefully reduce my time needing to be full time @ the campus to potentially just 2 years)#I'm gonna probably ask some more questions and maybe specifically ask the programs i'm interested in about advice for me getting accepted#I think i might apply to a community college by the end of spring and start taking some courses over the summer and see how things go#i need a lot of chemistry and physics and health terminology classes so#will be good to come in with that foundation of the reqs#I might do some campus tours this spring as well lmfao. get the whole rundown#esp since the campus is an hour drive from where i (currently) live so it'd be a bit of a jaunt#ahhh somehow i feel less nervous!!#the guy seemed pretty like... confident that I should be an okay fit even from such an unrelated field#obv dependent on how the prereqs go because it's a really rigorous course load and clinical load#but if i can get those prereqs finished all of my prior degree credits should transfer and basically cover all of my gen ed/liberal ed#so i'll really only need the last 2yrs of courses#yippee wahoo yay#this is all just super dependent on how those prereq classes go and whether i have enough of an aptitude in them to not only pass#but pass with high grades and not struggle too much comprehending the material#but hey one baby step closer :)#also like damn they structure their courses really well#they let people usually re-take quizzes because their focus is on students actually learning the material#not just the 'pass fail' bar for entrance into degrees that most unis use the courses for#personal stuff#i need to get some uhhhhh nicer looking business casual clothes asap#cause i only have like. flannels. funky button ups. black shirts.#and i only have jeans...#hahah oops....#i'm excited idk. what i do next is still pretty open but it feels good to narrow down at least an option or two that feel like. feasible#my heart still like
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beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙
#lizzy speaks#the human brain works in such profound ways i think#lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself'#it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself#you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so)#so why would you say it to yourself?#you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts.#basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in'#things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!!#and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental#i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :)#there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys-#with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend!#not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind-#not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!!#ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week!#sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth-#ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!
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a bunch of people have already registered for my mentoring workshop! unfortunately this means i have to plan and host a workshop aaaaaa
#i want to think aloud through it on here at some point#but i think i am going to structure it around the theme of cultivating student autonomy#because i think one of the primary goals of mentorship is to prepare students to be self-directed learners who can set realistic goals +#evaluate their own progress + reflect on what they've learned and what they still don't know#+ take initiative without sitting around waiting for someone to tell them what to do next#so i think we will do some thinking around like#when we have a student we think of as really capable or driven what qualities and behaviors do we observe in that student#and maybe ill also share some of the research on intrinsic motivation + self-direction + locus of control#which i think is all really interesting esp in light of the contemporary College Mental Health Crisis concerns#and then we will look at a range of tools + structures + strategies that i think are useful for fostering student autonomy over time#and maybe leave them with some core principles/guiding values that i think are useful when you are trying to like#avoid jumping in and doing stuff for kids#or solving their problems for them#idk i need to think through specifics a bit more#but i feel like on this campus#people do a lot of 'workshops' that are really not interactive at all#it's just someone talking from slides#and i kind of want to show off my ability to structure more engaging workshops#but idk. gotta think about how to do it well#and how to build in lots of opportunities for like crowdsourcing strategies too
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Trying out that "no buy 2025" I've seen people talking about and recalling how much I saved in november after the hurricane blew up my car and starting to feel confident
#so far i'm swearing off any pre-prepped food for like. the next 3-6 months#no fast food and no getting oven bake stuff for dinner for smthn fast after work; we're cooking like every night#getting some prepped stuff from the discount store i get groceries at and those are nice for quick breakfasts#no more new books or candles. there are books and candles at home. seriously i do have like a stack of 30 books i can finally get to#gotta start burning all those candles too; i'm actually pretty satiated at this point bc i go into bath and bodyworks and smell a few#and i'm starting to feel a little underwhelmed by a lot of them#still taking pics and taking note of names for one of my gimmick blogs but not really buying all that much from there#also trying to cut back on sugar too bc of some vaguely dubiously funky blood sugar labs so that'll save me like. idk. smthn#still getting snacks! i like sun chips and those ''southwest snack mix'' things especially with the baked corn#picking up some extra hours here and there at work too so that's hopeful; we're gonna make it out of this hole#and we're gonna come out with art and books read and probably some muscle if i keep up the gym work which. kinda feels good to do now lmao#i don't want this to get to me and i refuse to let it. finding out exactly how to pace myself bc i can't predict the future#roommate also left some ground beef and a pile of pork behind so i can at least be prepped with some meat for a bit#pork isn't my favorite but i have it lmao; will probably stray away from it entirely with the new admin bc uh#ever since i learned how pork tapeworms work. i know cooking hot enough should do it but i'm not risking THAT shit#look up what pork tapeworms do to the body if you feel like having a bad time bc i think parasites are pretty neat#and i think they're just. terrible ashdkgf i have completely lost the plot of this post#shai speaks
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I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!
Thank you so much!!!
This really means a lot to me <3
I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.
I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...
I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!
As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.
I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!
It means a lot. Thank you.
#me trying not to ramble on for paragraphs impossible challenge#asks#anon#I always love to talk about how uhhh#the perceptions we have of how relationships should be displayed#idk I dont think that theres any one way to do it#those relationships where people dont communicate and they fight all the time...#those happen. they happen all the time irl.#of course they would be reflected in fiction constantly!#but just for me personally#after YEARS and years and years of working on myself so I dont do that#I pause. think the best of my partner before jumping to conclusions.#take the moment to ask him hey#has anything been bothering you lately? things have been good but I want to be sure there's not little things I've done to hurt you#and i listen when hes telling me that yes. it did bother him when I made that joke the other day actually#and to learn to be patient#and not cry immediately#and listen#and ask instead of assuming#and always think the best thoughts first or whatever#its done me a world of good#and I dont think it is healthy for me personally as a person to write an unhealthy relationship with poor communication#because I get uhm... extremely invested in my writing...#in the way that it very much helps me learn about myself and practice habits.#cause obviously I still fail. of course I will#and I just would like to get as much practice as I can#of being better#for me and for him#and for all my friends
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I wish all jujutsu kaisen fans a very media literacy and manga reread
#Shut up shut up the ending makes sense just take ur time to read and ponder it doesn't have to be explicitly held held explained to u#I won't insist that my every interpretation is 100% correct but thr beauty of story is it can mean what it needs to for readers as individua#I'm so content with the way that it ended bc yeah I have read and spun theories and reread it until it made sense#I didn't understand much the first time it always takes several reads and translations notes help a lot too#But there IS a lot of information there if you're open to finding it#Gege is rly thr best it's so unfortunate#Jujutsu kaisen fans can't read#Like are we even fans if we talk shit on the author?? I don't think you are but why read just to hate it??#Jjk ending#Jjk manga#Gege did nothing wrong#Rant#Vent#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fandom#There are things I'd never understand on my own but lovely readers do research and share what they learn about historical culture language#Context etc and idk I also get that it's hard to sort through. The majority of takes are easily debunked. But if you just. If you just read#The manga several times.... It gets better and more intense and sensical and emotional every time...#Sigh#Sorry I'm sleep deprived and sick of all the gege hate on my fyp!#It never ends I never interact I hide those posts but they still show#Which means I follow a closet hater or the algorithm sucks ass#Probably#Gege akutami#I owe u my life#This last year has been rly hard and idk how I would've survived without your work#I hope u have a good rest and recreational period for as long as u want to
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