#i think especially too after like 4 yrs of knowing each other

[magnoliamyrrh]

....and i think. idk. inherently to an extent ppl whove been through...,, a certein level and kind of traumatized almost speak a slightly different language.... with so much, there is no need to.. explain. we just get it. instantly, we just... get some things

[pansy-picnics]

can ask that you spill everything about your Splatoon OCs? 😺

ABSOLUTELY i did not expect anyone to ask to be honest….goodness where do i even begin. Let’s see. I’ll start with my main little doomed love triangle thing i suppose

Cecilia Paek, she/her, 24 yrs old, aka: cece, celia, eight, whore, freak, slut, etc. My agent 8. born in the domes under the name Seo-Mi Paek, but renamed herself to cece post-memory loss. A freak both in the not-safe-for-work sense and just. In general. She says the most unhinged shit in such a passive formal manner. Marina has to consistently tell her she’s not allowed to eat the jelletons. She bites. A lot.

aside from being a freak cece is curious and observant, but incredibly blunt and fierce. In the past Seo-Mi was a much quieter and more repressed person, but hearing the Inkantation awakened a flame within her, so to speak. Cece is incredibly vocal about her thoughts and feelings, and she does not like to be pushed around. although shes always been a very nostalgic person, shes been trying to look forward more often than not. (she was on team future!)

cece has a very mature, almost sisterly presence, and is especially close with neo 3 (ikra) and her pseudo sister agent 4 (yottsu). she also has a daughter of her own, yumi! ikra and yottsu are my friends ocs so i cant say too much about them but ikra is like, basically her and kyle’s adopted kid

Kyle Lastname, (Actual surname to be determined Eventually) he/him, 25 yrs, aka three, cap, kyle, ceces silly rabbit /j. he’s my captain 3. has a stupid ass name bc he’s a stupid ass guy. Basically started as a joke oc but i put him through the Horrors. he’s the malewife of all time.

Grew up the only hearing person in a deaf/hard of hearing household so he’s fluent in sign language. He joined squidbeak when he was like 16 mostly bc he was a MASSIVE FUCKING LOSER with a huge ego who wanted the attention. Now he has Trauma and hates his teen self more than anything. (The egotistical little white kid phase is like, a rite of passage in his family. His little sister is still in that phase.) Now that he’s mellowed out hes just a sopping wet cat. Dating cece and is obsessed with her + will do literally whatever she wants.

Hes a lot more talkative than canon 3, hes the kind of guy who copes with humor all the time. he tries to be cool and mysterious but hes really awkward and gets flustered or worked up super easily. He’s overall a pretty boring guy and thats his charm. She’s barbie and he’s just ken. etc etc.

Hes SO dad coded btw. He and cece have a daughter together, Yumi. Since he was young he spent a lot of time looking after his little sister and he’s basically adopted his protege, neo3 (ikra). he makes me think of RTGame for reasons i could not describe to you, it’s just the energy somehow. He’s my babygirl. My little meow meow if you will (Cece voice)

Victoria Mendoza, she/her, 25 yrs, aka Tori. SHE is the fucked up one. Literally doomed by the narrative. Eye love her.

She comes from a long line of elite soldiers and was a child prodigy, but also the Problem Child. Got expelled from multiple schools for beating up other kids. from a young age she’s been incredibly critical of the octarian society and she was basically your average teen rebel. into alt music/fashion, incredibly vocal about her distaste for the system, fairly closed off with a cold exterior. the only person she truly cared for was Seo-Mi (Cece).

Seo-Mi was quiet and sweet and generally pretty average academically, so she didn’t have nearly as much pressure on her to succeed compared to Tori. the two were childhood friends and teenage lovers. The only ones who truly matched each others freak if you will. When they were little girls they used to dream of escaping to the surface together. this changed when they were about sixteen years old.

the most important thing to know about tori is that she is a pessimist and at her core a Coward. She’s all bark and no bite. She’ll scream her hatred of authority from the rooftops but immediately crumble at the sight of her leader. and as she got older and officially entered her career, she lost hope. she determined the surface wouldn’t have anything more for her than the domes did. she became complacent, while Seo-Mi, who had previously been more neutral, had heard the inkantation and only become more determined to leave the domes.

The two desperately tried to change each other’s minds but they were far too stubborn. both of them were crushed by the supposed “betrayal” of their beloved. Inevitably Seo-Mi left for the surface, eventually being taken in to Kamabo Co. while tori stayed behind to rot.

Since Seo-Mi left, tori became more bitter than ever before. she turns her focus to her career, and her family, but she never truly moves on from the loss. Unfortunately, Cece did. Cece met someone else, she’s started a family, she has a completely new name. she’s essentially a new person. and Tori is still the same.

Canonically i don’t think they would ever meet again and actually recognize each other, but i like to play with the idea sometimes bc if they did they would Hate each other. Tori is completely incapable of accepting that her Seo-Mi has moved on. She is clinging on to a version of someone that doesn’t exist anymore. tori is a deeply self destructive person and will never move on in any sense of the word. Sad!

Also this is Yumi. Age varies but shes like. Very young toddler as of the current timeline. She’s cece and kyle’s favorite surprise (Accident). They’re both freaks and shes the consequences of their actions. She and smollusk have playdates together. She’s obsessed with off the hook but doesn’t realize that her weird lesbian aunts pearl and marina are the same people. She’s baby

[jpmarvel90]

Don't let me down - Part 7

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Relationship: MamaScarlett x 16 yr old Reader

Summary: It's time for Y/n's first date with Laura! But first, how will Scarlett and Colin react when they find out they're together?

Word count: 7078

Scarlett POV:

Sat waiting in the car for Y/n, I can't help but let my mind wonder to how things went with her and Laura this morning at the café. It's clear how much that Y/n likes Laura. I just hope that the feelings are reciprocated, and they can be happy together. It's clear to me that Laura likes Y/n too, but it's hard to convince my daughter that when her mind is going a million miles an hour and her whole life, she's never had things go her way.

I still feel a little guilty that I walked in on them when they were about to kiss. I should have knocked but I didn't think anything of it. I guess you have to embarrass your kids at some point and Y/n has had her first experience of that! All I know is that Laura seems like the perfect person to make Y/n happy. I think she's been her sole source of comfort in the past year and a half.

Y/n seems to have started to settle with us now. She is more comfortable at home and gets on great with her siblings. I love how much Cosmo loves her. My phone is full of photos of the two of them in cute moments.

Rose has loved having an older sister, especially one who takes the time to teach her as many soccer skills as she can. I'm so relieved that Rose has taken to Y/n like she has. After her initial moment with her, I was terrified that she wasn't going to like having Y/n living with us. But I'm lucky that it's all worked out for us.

The relationship Y/n has with Colin has also grown. He loves her like she's his own daughter and I'm grateful that he's allowed me this chance to be the mom that Y/n deserves. Y/n hasn't had the best experience with men, and Colin knows that. He makes sure that he's considerate around her, but also doesn't make a big deal out of it. I'm learning that Y/n is a bit of a goof and that is something Colin has caught onto. Between the two of them they're like children, but I love it!

My own relationship with my daughter is also growing. It's slower than it has been for the others and that hurts me a bit. But I completely understand it. I'm the one that left. I'm the reason that she has ended up in abusive situations. It's something that I'll never forgive myself for. I know I can't make up for it now, but I can do everything I can to make her life as good as it possibly can be.

My eyes are quickly drawn to my daughter, a smile forming on my face. I love being able to do the simple things for her. I never thought I'd get this opportunity. To just be her mom. But here I am, and I know I won't mess up my second chance with her.

That smile only grows wider when I see her hand in hand with Laura. The both of them laughing with the group of friends around them. They say goodbye to the group and Y/n walks Laura over to her car. Laura turns to face Y/n, taking both of her hands in her own. She says something that clearly makes Y/n a little shy so she places her fingers under her chin and lifts her head to meet her eyes. There's a pause before she leans in, and they share a kiss.

It takes everything in me to not cheer out loud to see that they are clearly together now. But then I remember that I'm currently being a creep sat in the car park watching my daughter with her new girlfriend.

After a moment, they say goodbye to each other with another kiss, Y/n holding the car door open for Laura so she can get in. She waves as Laura drives away and turns around clearly looking for me. A wide smile on her face. She spots my car and gives me a quick wave before making her way towards the car.

She slips into the front seat, and I turn to greet her. "Hey honey. How was school?" I ask her, fighting off the desire to ask about her and Laura. As much as I want to know, it's for her to bring it up when she's comfortable. "It was really good. I got an A on the calculus test we had last week." She tells me proudly. "That's great Y/n. I'm proud of you." I respond to her, and I watch as her face lights up. "Really?" She asks and I nod. "Of course. I would be proud of you regardless of your grade. But I know how much you had studied for that test." I reply and she sits back in her seat with a content smile.

I pull out of the car park and make our way back home. My gaze keeps drifting to Y/n who eventually huffs. "Ask your question Scarlett." She says when she catches me looking at her. She has a smirk on her face, clearly being able to read me. "I was just wondering how your coffee was this morning." I tell her honestly. She doesn't need to know what I saw.

I chuckle to myself when her head drops back against the headrest, and she lets out a content sigh. "She feels the same." She admits. "That's great! I told you she would." I reply and she rolls her eyes. "I know. We had a long talk and we both admitted that we wanted to be with each other." She continues to explain, the biggest smile on her face.

It makes me so happy that she is sharing this with me so willingly. When she first came home with us, she was so closed off and trying to understand what she was feeling was nearly impossible. I'm glad that she feels safe enough with me now that she can talk freely with me.

"So...?" I ask, prolonging the o. She laughs at me and shakes her head. "Laura is officially my girlfriend." She shares excitedly. "Y/n! That's great! I'm so happy for you." I tell her instantly, so she doesn't have time to think for even a second that I have any other feelings towards this.

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow for a moment. "You saw us at her car, didn't you?" She asks and a guilty look soon appears on my face. "I uh. I wasn't stalking I promise." I quickly defend but she just laughs. "Well, we weren't really hiding it." She says, alleviating my fears. "Are you comfortable being open like that?" I ask her. I know it's not always easy at school to be different. "I'm more than happy. I don't like the idea of being hidden and I also don't want to hide my feelings. I've done that for far too long." She responds. I look at her proudly that she is so confident in that feeling. "Besides, our school is pretty open. There are quite a few queer people, and the other students leave them alone for the most part." She adds on, which makes me even more relieved.

Though I notice that her gaze drops for a moment, like I lost her for a moment. "Hey, what's wrong? Where did your head go?" I ask her worriedly, placing my hand on her knee as I keep my focus on the road. "I uh. Will um. Colin. Will he be ok with me being, you know, gay?" She stutters out. I hate that she thinks that Colin would ever look at her differently just because of her sexuality.

"Oh sweetheart. No. Colin loves you regardless of if you like girls or not. He just wants you to be happy and safe. Please don't ever worry that we would have any issues with you when you're just being yourself. I don't want you to ever think you have to hide any part of you." I tell her softly, but firmly. She needs to know this.

"Ok. Uh, we're going on a date on Friday, and she wants to talk to you both beforehand." She tells me. "Can you not make it awkward for her. She still feels bad for cussing you out." She continues and I smile at her plea. "I can't make any promises, but I'll try." I tease her, earning a groan. "I told her it was a bad idea." She mumbles, making me laugh.

We continue driving for a bit before I remember that I actually had something that I wanted to ask Y/n myself. "Uh Y/n. I know that you've had a lot of meeting new people recently. But I've been talking about you a lot with my friends, and they would love to meet you. Especially two of my closest friends, Lizzie, and Chris." I start to explain, glancing to her regularly to gauge her reaction.

"There is no pressure to do so, and it would just be having them over for dinner or something. They're just keen to meet you." I show her that she has a choice in this matter. As much as I want her to meet my friends and the people in my life. I will never push her to be in a situation where she's uncomfortable. "Are these people you work with?" She asks and I nod. "Yeah. They're both Marvel actors. Lizzie Olsen and Chris Evans. I've known Chris since college though. They are both lovely people and I promise you that they are safe." I reassure her. I know that her trust level is very low, and she is still having to identify who is safe to her.

"And it would just be them?" She continues to question. "Yeah, and our family of course. We'll have it at home so it's a familiar place for you." I respond, happy to answer any questions she might have. She takes a moment to think, and I don't pressure her for an answer. "Ok. I'm ok with that." She responds, breaking the silence. "That's great. Thanks Y/n. I promise that if you're uncomfortable at any time, we can end it and they won't be offended. Though I have a feeling that Lizzie is going to take to you and will be fighting to be your bestie though. I should probably warn you about that." I chuckle and smile when Y/n laughs too.

"It's weird to think about meeting other celebrities. I've kind of forgotten that you are one. It's just not a world I'm familiar with." She shares and I nod, getting that. "Well, once it gets out that Lizzie and Chris have met you, it won't be long until the others are begging too. But we can slowly introduce you to the others. I don't want to overwhelm you." I once again reassure her.

"I'm part of your world now. I guess I have to get used to it." She smiles at me. Hearing her speak about being apart of my world makes my heart skip a beat. There was a time where I thought that she wouldn't want to stay here with us. But now it looks like she doesn't plan on going anywhere. I just hope she'll let me adopt her so she can legally be my daughter again. I mean she is my daughter no matter what, but I want there to be no issues when it comes to legalities.

There is also the big elephant in the room of the press. Being part of my world means being in the spotlight to some degree. So far, we've not had any issues, but as we do more together, it's only a matter of time before we're caught. I want the whole world to know about Y/n, but I know that she may not feel the same. I also want to protect her. It's intimidating when you're surrounded by paparazzi, and I don't want her to be in a situation that is upsetting for her. I guess this is all something that we need to talk about. It's not going to be an easy conversation, but it's an important one. Though, I think it can wait for another day. This has already been a car journey with a lot to talk about!

When we arrive home, Colin is already back from work before he heads back out this evening to film SNL. He's sat on the sofa with Cosmo when we come in and he is quickly to his feet to greet us both. He places a soft kiss to my cheek before pulling Y/n into a hug. The smile on her face doesn't go unnoticed and I'm grateful that she feels safe around Colin.

"How was school kiddo?" He asks as we join him and Cosmo in the living room. Rose is at soccer practice this afternoon, so the house is unusually quiet. "It was really good." Y/n responds, a smile forming on her face. "Something or someone make it so good?" He questions with a smirk. I laugh when I see a blush form on her cheeks.

Though she is quick to look up at me. I give her a reassuring nod. I know that Colin will have no issues with what she's about to share. We've both talked about how we thought they were together, so it's not going to be a surprise to him when she explains.

I watch as she takes a deep breath and nods. "Yeah. Uh. Laura she um. She asked me to be her girlfriend." She admits with a shy smile. "You mean you weren't already together?" He asks, taking Y/n by surprise. "Not you too?" She groans, flopping back onto the sofa. "What? The way you two are around each other. I just assumed." Colin responds as Y/n covers her face. "Urgh. No, apparently, we both were just too chicken shit to admit our feelings for each other." Y/n says, making Colin laugh. "Oi! Language missy." I lightly scold her, and she gives me a sheepish smile.

"So, you're ok with it? Me being with a girl?" Y/n asks, her voice full of uncertainty. "Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be? If anything, I'm glad that you're not dating boys. We're jerks at high school." He replies without missing a beat. I see Y/n's whole body relax at his words and a smile forms on her face. "Nothing will change how much I love you Y/n. I just want you to be happy." Colin reassures her.

She looks between him and me for a moment, before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug. "Thanks Colin. That means so much." She whispers as Colin gently runs his hands through her hair. "I'm always here for you kiddo. You're stuck with me now." He teases, making Y/n laugh. "Though I will be wanting words with Laura." He adds on, making Y/n roll her eyes. "Well, she wants words too apparently. What is with everyone wanting to talk." She grumbles.

"Ok, why am I suddenly nervous about meeting Laura. She's scary." Colin jokes. "Maybe because when it comes to Y/n I feel like she would do whatever it takes to protect her, even take on her parents." I share my own thoughts. Ever since she stood up to me that very first time, I feel like I have to prove myself to her too. That I'm going to do what's right by Y/n. "Ok, let's not show her that when she comes by. They can sense fear." Colin suggests. "She's a teenager not a dog." Y/n huffs, getting up and going to the kitchen whilst the both of us laugh.

"She looks happy." Colin observes as he turns back around and looks to me. "Yeah, she is." I respond, a wide smile on my face. "I think she's finally starting to be the true Y/n. I know there is still a long way to go, but she is more open with us than she's ever been and it's almost like having a different person in the house. I must admit, there was a point I didn't think this would happen." I admit my feelings, holding back tears threatening to fall.

Colin sensing this gets up and sits next to me and pulls him into me, pressing a kiss to my head. "We're going to be there for her every step of the way to prove to her that this is a safe and loving environment." He says, holding me close. "I'm so grateful to you. For all your support. You could have easily run a mile when I told you about Y/n, but you didn't." I share, my gaze full of love on my husband.

"There's nothing you could tell me that would make me want to leave. You're stuck with me. Besides, that girl in there. She's my daughter. Maybe not by blood, but I love her just like I love Rose and Cosmo. I want to be the dad that she deserves." He admits, his gaze not faltering. It makes my love for him grow more than I thought possible. I don't respond with words, instead I pull him into me and capture his lips with mine in a loving kiss, hoping to convey how much I love him.

"Ew gross! Keep it to the bedroom!" Y/n grimaces as she returns to the living room, a drink in hand. "You're just jealous that Laura's not here so you can suck face." Colin teases, making Y/n gasp in annoyance. "You know what, I think I have homework to do." She huffs, turning on the spot and flipping Colin off over her shoulder as she goes. I can't help but laugh whilst Colin looks to me. "Oh what, so it's ok when she swears at me?" He complains playfully. "She can when it's funny." I respond. "Oh, you're in for it." He smirks before launching a tickle attack on me. God, I love this man so much!

_________

Y/n has been a nervous wreck ever since she came home from school today. Laura is picking her up at 6 to take her out for their date and she's spent the last hour panicking about what to wear. I've found it's safer to stay out of the way, not wanting to annoy her or be in the firing line when she gets frustrated. Though she does finally decide on an outfit and asks that we let Laura in if she's here before she's ready.

Both Colin and I are surprised when the doorbell rings at 5:45. I get up and open the door to see a nervous Laura standing with a bouquet of flowers in her hands. "Hi Mrs Johansson." She greets me with a small smile. "Laura. You're early." I point out, hoping to keep up the protective mother act for a little while. "I uh. I was hoping to talk to you and Mr Jost before I take Y/n out." She explains and I have to hide the smile that is fighting to make an appearance.

"Of course. Please come in. Y/n is still getting ready." I explain, moving to the side so she can enter. She tentatively follows me into the living room where Colin is waiting on the sofa. "Laura hi. You look lovely." Colin greets her with a smile. "Thank you, Mr Jost. It's nice to see you again." She responds. "Oh, please. Call me Colin." He waves her off with his hand at the formal greeting.

She takes a seat on the chair opposite Colin and me. "I uh. Well, as you know, Y/n and I are now together. I guess I wanted to come early to talk to you and maybe give you some reassurances." She starts off as she finds her words. I can see Colin smiling at her words beside me, whilst I keep a straight face.

"I know that Y/n has been through a lot in her life. I always wished that there was more that I could do to protect her. I couldn't get her out of that hell, but I could give her a safe place away from it." She explains. That is one thing I'm most grateful for. These last 18 months Y/n has had someone like Laura in her corner. She never should have had to go through what she has, but knowing she had Laura with her, makes it slightly easier to bare.

"I've liked your daughter for some time now, but I didn't want to take advantage of her, knowing that she was in a vulnerable place. I worried if she didn't like me back that she would pull away from me and be alone again." She explains and I can completely understand why she did that. "I just want you to know, that I understand how lucky I am to have Y/n and for her to like me in return. It's something that I'm never going to take for granted. You can rest assured that I plan to be everything that Y/n deserves. I will protect her and be the best person I can for her. I'm quickly falling for your daughter, and I would do anything for her." She quickly rushes out and I can no longer hold up this front.

She has just said everything a mother could wish to hear from their daughter's partner. She sits nervously as she waits for us to respond. I don't want to be mean and leave her waiting. So, I decide to speak up. "You don't know how much that means to hear Laura. But I hope you realise, that your intentions have always been clear in your actions. From the first time I met you, I knew that you always had Y/n's best interests at heart. It something that I have never doubted. I'm very happy that you two are together." I express my own feelings and see as she relaxes, her shoulders releasing the tension that had been plaguing her.

"About our first meeting. I'm sorry for how I spoke to you." She goes to apologise, but I quickly shake my head, holding up my hand. "Stop. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You were protecting Y/n and in that moment, I had done nothing to prove that I wanted what was best for her. I'm glad that she had you when she was on her own." I reassure her so she knows that there are no hard feelings for how she spoke to me.

We both then look to Colin who's sat with a smile on his face but has said nothing. "I have nothing to add. Just that I can't think of anyone better to be with our daughter." He gives his approval, earning a wide smile and a thanks from Laura. "Though I will warn you. I may be the funny dad, but if you hurt her, I will not hesitate to hurt you." He warns, "Colin!" I scold him but he just shrugs. "No one hurts my kids." He defends. "It's ok Mr J-Colin. I promise that I don't ever plan on hurting Y/n." Laura promises. "That's what I like to hear. Now where are you taking her on this date?" He changes the subject, making us both laugh.

A few minutes later, we hear the creak of the floorboards and see Y/n coming down the stairs. The biggest smile appears on Laura's face as she stands up and moves to greet her. "Wow, you look amazing." Laura compliments her. "Thanks. You look great too." Y/n responds with a shy smile before leaning down and stealing a quick kiss. "These are for you by the way." Laura says holding out the flowers in her hands. "They're beautiful, thank you." Y/n responds, holding the flowers to her nose.

"Have you been waiting long?" Y/n asks as she moves to put the flowers in water. "A little while." Laura admits sheepishly. Y/n looks between her and then to us. "Oh. Have you had whatever talk you all so desperately wanted?" She asks. "Yes, and we all know where we stand." I jump in. "Well, I'm glad I wasn't around for that awkwardness." She chuckles.

"Right, are you ready?" Laura asks once Y/n has finished putting the flowers in a vase. "I am. I just need to grab my bag." She responds. "Have her back by 11 please." I ask Laura and she nods. "Of course." She responds, holding her hand out to Y/n who takes it easily. "Have fun sweetie." I smile at Y/n, who's already got her love eyes on her girlfriend. "Thanks Scarlett. See you both later." She calls as she leaves the house. "Of they are so in love." Colin laughs. "Yeah. I think they are."

Y/n's POV:

As we walk outside, I can't help but smile at the warmth I'm feeling from having my hand in hers. Though, once we reach the car, she lets go and rushes to hold the door open for me. "M'lady." She smirks at me, bowing her head playfully. I move to get in the car, giving her a peck in thanks. The blush on her cheeks not going unnoticed.

Laura then rushes around to the driver's side and slips in. "So, where are we going?" I ask curiously. "Well, as this is our first proper date, I wanted it to be special and unique. So, we have two stops, but they're a surprise." She shares excitedly. "Don't worry, they're not far and I think you'll love them." She reassures me, taking my hand in hers as she pulls off the driveway.

I turn my head and watch my girlfriend as she drives, my hands playing with her fingers on my lap. "So, how did the conversation go with Scarlett and Colin?" I question, intrigued to what was said. "It went well. I promised them that I just want to take care of you and assured them that you are safe with me." She informs me, turning to meet my eyes when she stops at a red light. "Hmm, I like the sound of that." I smile in return. She raises my hand to her lips and presses a soft kiss to my knuckles. "Now I've got you, I'm doing everything I can to keep you!" She tells me, making me laugh. "That doesn't sound stalkerish at all." I tease her, earning a pout. "It's a good job I like you." I lean in and press a kiss to her lips, pulling away just as the light turns green.

For the rest of the journey, we sing obnoxiously loud as we drive to our first destination. Laura pulls into a parking spot and rushes around to open my door for me. "You know you don't have to do this all the time." I tell her but she just shrugs. "It's our first date. I'm doing this properly." She defends, holding her hand out for me. I take it easily and allow her to direct me to our destination.

"The Natural History Museum?" I ask with a smile as we reach our destination. "Kind of, we're going to a specific part of the museum." She explains without giving away any further details. I follow along as she flashes some tickets to the guard at the door who gives us directions on where we need to go.

We walk through the museum and then into the courtyard where we're stood in front of a large glass box with a giant sphere, that looks like it's floating, inside. "The planetarium." I whisper, my eyes wide. I've never been here before. "I know how much you love space and thought it's kind of romantic. I've booked us tickets for their show." She explains nervously, her gaze unsure. I quickly pull her into me and press my lips against hers. "I love it!" I respond excitedly. "Oh, thank God. I thought you might not like the idea for a date." She breathes a sigh of relief. "It's perfect." I reassure her.

We make our way into the planetarium and are guided to our seats. Whilst we wait for the show to start, my eyes trail over the projection that is on the dome above us. "Did you know this is known as the Digital Universe Atlas. The team here at the museum maintain the map of the cosmos with the help of NASA." I explain when I recognise the image above. "I didn't know that. Have you been here before?" She asks me but I shake my head. "No, I never had the money to, but I've read up on everything here." I explain. "I'm a bit of a geek." I admit shyly. "Hmm, but you're my geek." She responds, making me blush.

I don't have time to respond as the show begins. The lights dim and music starts to play. I quickly take Laura's hand in my own and get comfortable. I let out a small gasp as the seats slowly start to recline so we get the perfect view of the dome above us.

The show above us is amazing and I'm completely engrossed in what is being shown. The projections are like nothing I've seen, and I feel a happiness that I'm finally getting to see something that I have read so much about but never got the chance to see. I looked on in awe, moving my head to rest on Laura's shoulder. Her arm instantly wraps around my shoulders as she holds me close, a soft kiss pressed to my head.

I'm a little sad when the show comes to an end, but I have loved every minute of it. As the seats rise up again and the lights turn on, I look to Laura with the biggest smile on m face. "That was amazing! This was the best idea for a date." I ramble excitedly. "Isn't it amazing to think all of that is beyond the sky." I share and she nods along, a soft smile on her face. "What?" I ask her with a raised eyebrow. "Nothing. You're just cute when you're excited." She explains with a shrug. It instantly makes my cheeks blush and my gaze drops.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." She says, standing and holding her hand out for me to take. I slip my fingers between hers and allow her to help me to my feet. "Genuinely, thank you for bringing me to this. I've wanted to come for so long." I thank her. "I'll happily take you to all the places that you want to go." She informs me with an adoring look in her eyes.

"But right now, we need to get going or we're going to miss our reservations." She tugs at my hands and leads me out of the museum and back to the car. The traffic is pretty light getting to our next stop and we're soon parking up once again. "I think we're ready for some food." She smiles at me and once again, opens my door for me.

We walk for a little way until Laura stops us in front of a fun looking diner. Trailer Park Lounge. "I read about this place online and thought it would be a fun place to eat." She shares her thought process. Just from the outside it looks great. Again, I follow her as she greets the host at the door. "Ah Miss Laura, please follow me." He directs to the back of the diner into a cute little booth with a small jukebox in. "You can put a quarter in and pick music which will get played over the music system." He explains as he takes our drinks order and leaves us to it.

"What song are you going to go for?" Laura asks as we look over the music listed on the jukebox. I smirk as I grab a quarter and hit a song, covering the case so Laura can't see. "What did you pick?" She asks with a pout. "Let's see if you can guess which one is mine." I smirk, thanking the waiter as he puts the drinks down in front of us.

"This place is really cool." I state, looking around at all the décor on the walls. "I thought you'd enjoy somewhere quirky over fancy. Besides, the food looks amazing." She smiles at me. I reach over the table and take her hand in mine. "I love how well you know me." I express, making her eyes soften. "I've always seen you Y/n. Even before you joined the team." She admits, making my heart skip a beat. "Me too. It's always why I sat behind you in class. So, I could admire you without being caught." I make my own admission, causing Laura's mouth to drop open. "And you called me stalkerish. Now you're admitting to watching me." She teases. "I said admiring, there's a difference." I try to defend, just earning a laugh from my girlfriend.

"If only we had our shit together earlier, we could have had our happiness before now." She sighs. "I'm glad we didn't." I say, but quickly try to back track when I see the hurt on her face. "What I mean is, my parents were not happy when I admitted I liked girls. They told me it was a phase, and they would 'sort me out' if it continued. Had we been together earlier, I would worry what they might have done to you. Our relationship certainly wouldn't have lasted." I share honestly.

I instantly regret sharing though as a look of sympathy washes over her face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring the vibe down." I deflect but Laura is quick to shake her head and squeeze my hand. "No. None of that. You don't have to hide that part of your life from me just because we're together now. I just wish I knew what was happening back then. Maybe I could have done something." She sighs, rubbing at her face. "Hey, you did more than you know. Besides, I can look back on it now and know it's in the past. For the first time in a long time. I've felt safer than ever." I reassure her. Her body relaxes into her seat. "I'm glad Y/n. You deserve the happiest of lives." She smiles. "When I'm with you, I'm happiest." I flirt, making her cheeks now blush.

"Anyway." She clears her throat and sits up in her chair. "Let's pick what we wanted to eat. Though I think I'll struggle to decide as it all looks so good!" She changes the subject and allows us to move on.

We both decide on burgers as a few of the people around us have them and they look incredible. Once our order is taken, we both sip on our drinks, enjoying this time together. As we're talking about our next game, I fight the smile as I hear the beginning of the song I selected come on. As soon as the intro plays, Laura looks at me with a knowing look. "This is you isn't it." She smirks whilst I nod. "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?" She asks and I nod my head. "Blame your mom. She was the one that showed me the video of 7 year old you singing to Dancing Queen for your talent show!" I tease her as she hides her face in her hands.

"You are the dancing queen, young and sweet only 17." I jokingly sing, making her groan. "How do I make you stop?" She grumbles, her face still hidden. "You can't. The quarters been paid." I tease her. "You can dance, you can jive. Having the time of your life!" I sing louder, making her try and shush me. "See that girl. Watch that scene. Digging the dancing queen!" I point to her and continue my serenade.

As the song comes to an end, she whispers a "Thank God." Making me laugh. "You mean you don't like my singing?" I ask with faux offence. "Oh, I love your singing, just not when you're using it to mock me." She complains with a smile. "Well, I'm sorry to tell you. I'm your girlfriend now and it's my prerogative to tease you endlessly. You're stuck with me." I joke. "Damn. How do I go back in time and stop asking you out." She retorts, making me gasp. "No need to go back in time if I end it now." I shoot right back with a smirk. "Ouch Y/n. Arrow to my heart right there." She pouts, clutching at her chest." You started it." I poke my tongue out like a child. "Yeah, and I don't plan on ending this. Ever." She says sweetly changing the tone of conversation instantly.

The rest of dinner was amazing. We share a giant desert between us, struggling to finish it after we had also polished off the large burger stacks. But we managed it just. The whole time we were chatting and laughing. It was one of the happiest nights of my life. The most perfect first date that I could have ever asked for. Reluctantly, we get up and head back to the car, but we decide to have a short walk around the park first. We still have a bit of time before I need to get home.

"This has been everything I could have asked for." I stop Laura at the small pond, the moonlight lighting it beautifully. "I can't thank you enough for the thought and effort you have put into our date." I share with her, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I told you Y/n. I'm going to spoil you and do everything that I can to make sure you're happy. I'm glad that you've enjoyed it." She responds, leaning into my touch.

"You've set the bar high for when I organise our next date." I chuckle as I pull her to a bench and wrap my arm around her. "We could literally sit in your room all day and I would be happy." She smiles but it makes me rise my eyebrow at her. "Already thinking of a day in my room?" I smirk, making her eyes go panicked. "No, uh not like that. I um. Not that I wouldn't want to. But I didn't I uh." She stutters through her panicked response, making me chuckle.

Instead of letting herself get more in a state, I lean forward and press my lips against hers, stopping her rambling instantly.

She sinks into my touch, one hand moving to my hip and the other moving behind my neck to keep me close. Our lips move in sync as our tongues dance together. When breath becomes an issues, we both slowly pull back and rest our heads against each other. "You were talking too much." I smirk, pecking her lips as I giggle. "I didn't want you to think I was pressurising you or anything." She explains but I quickly shake my head and cup her face.

"I don't feel pressurised. I know what you meant, and I was just teasing you. But just know that when we're both ready, I'm taking you up on a day in bed together." I tell her, a newfound confidence within me. She gulps and nods at my words a smile creeping on her lips. "I'd like that." She whispers.

We share a few more kisses before we both realise the time and have to rush back to the car. "Shit. Your mom is going to kill me if I don't have you back in time." Laura panics as she drives off. "She'd probably hate you more if you got in an accident rushing to get me home." I try to calm her down, placing my hand over her own. "We've got time. As long as traffic isn't bad. If it is, I'll message her." I say, helping to calm her down.

Turns out there was nothing to worry about. We still had 5 minutes before 11. So, I decided to make the most of it and we had a make out session in her car. With a minute to spare, she opens my car door for me once again, holding my hand as she escorts me to the front door.

"Thank you again for a perfect date." I turn to Laura, fiddling with her fingers. "I'm glad you liked it, and I can't wait for the next one." She returns, giving me a sweet kiss. "Text me when you're home?" I call after her. She agrees and I watch as she drives away, waving after her. My fingers then move to my lips, the feeling of hers still tingling on them.

I fumble around for my keys in my bag and unlock the door. As I push the door open, I see the back of Scarlett and Colin who seem to be running into the living room. I slowly walk in to see them on the sofa, slightly red faced. Scarlett is on her phone and Colin has the paper open in front of him. "Oh, hey honey. Did you have a nice time?" Scarlett asks me. "Were you just listening at the front door?" I ask them with a raised eyebrow.

Scarlett scoffs as Colin shakes his head. "Pfft no. We were just waiting here for you to come home." She weakly defends. "Hmm. Then why is the paper upside down?" I point to the newspaper in Colin's hands as he quickly turns it the right way up. "You idiot." Scarlett mumbles to him as he looks at her sheepishly. "We just wanted to make sure you were ok." Scarlett admits. "But it sounds like you were more than ok." Colin jumps in, wiggling his eyebrows at me. "Ew, Colin stop!" Scarlett scolds him. "Yeah. Never do that again." I say, turning on the spot and making my way upstairs. "Wait! How was your date? I want to hear everything?" Scarlett calls after me, chasing me up the stairs. I guess I won't be going to sleep anytime soon!

Part 8

[mgkconfessions-too]

I feel like they said they are trying to keep things more private and out of the media is bc of how often they break up. There was times when u could see them both pissed at each other during pap walks and I’m guessing it was right after a fight. I think they got tired of everyone being in thier business (even thoe it’s thier own faults) and especially got tired of people asking where the other is at thier events when they was broken up. Like imagine how agrivated that would make anyone and then having to pretend they was together even when they wasint. I also think Megan’s laying low bc they did agree to stay out of the media so she has no reason to be seen anymore, the past 4 yrs the only reason she got any pap pics is literally only bc of Colson and doing couple things. She did her own pap walks a handful of time in the past yr the few times she did her own pap walks it barly got any attention even with her ass out. She just isint relevant anymore and the only time she is relevant is when people bring up her in her early 20s or when her and Colson are acting out, either fighting or she’s saying some out of pocket thing about him. But her herself isint heck she even did a movie with sex scenes and it barly got any traction for more then a week. I think Megan simply depended on her name to stay relevant but lost her footing when Colson got more famous and more relevant and now she is to lazy to re event herself to get popular again. The girl had all the resources in the world to do it the right way and u know Colson would of helped her any way he could and she still was to lazy to actually do anything on her own and now bc they are keeping the relationship more private she again has to rely on herself to get popular on her own again and she is to lazy to do it so she went into hiding and only pops up either with Colson at random events of his or she post her nails at the same time he has stuff going on

You're right and I agree with you. She doesn't have any reason to be in the media anymore, and that movie she did got a couple days of attention and that was it.

But at the same time it's like her NOT being with him or around him is still keeping her name relevant, like on here or on X where his fans lurk. We are still bringing her up and I think she has that in the back of her mind too. But to anyone who isn't an mgk fan then she's probably pretty forgettable besides being the chick from Transformers.

[rappaccini]

..... had to reread sitting in a tree for gwenfic research and wow i still hate it! this is a sitting in a tree hateblog! all respect for gwiles shippers but this comic was everyone's introduction to them, and boy does it still suck! it is singlehandedly the worst thing gwen's ever been in! it poisons the concept of them as a couple! i went into reading it the first time excited to ship them, and closed the issue like 'they should never hook up anywhere in any context ever' and even after the spiderverse movies broke their backs to try and redeem this ship i still want to hiss at it every time i see it!

gonna number out all the things i hate about this shipping crossover here in a very incoherent, bitter, salty fashion because that's just how i get when i have to reread siat:

they have no chemistry. it's subjective, i know, but reading those issues, the vibe is just so fucking strange. the writers clearly think these two are into each other and the entire time you're like... oookay. they only met and interacted a few times before this and barely know each other too, so them being so touchy-feely is just... strange. especially when you consider--

the age gap. miles is 15/16, and gwen is 19/20. so, high school/teen and college/young adult. it is creepy seeing them canoodle and kiss. especially when you consider that miles is drawn to look so much older than he canonically is in those panels where they made out (and that they keep insisting that he's 'almost seventeen and she's barely two years older' but only in this issue), probably to downplay that he's a minor and she's a young adult. there's literally a subplot in siat where gwen infiltrates a nightclub that miles is too young for, so he sits outside texting her like a kid waiting for his mom to get done grocery shopping. and... okay. a 4-5 yr age gap is nothing, but not at this point, and given how slow marvel's internal time progression is, miles and gwen can't logistically get together without it being too weird until he's out of college, when they're 25ish and 30ish respectively. which won't be for another irl 10-15 years. it's simply not worth putting them both on a shelf (or let's be real, putting gwen on a shelf, bc miles is the far more popular character) and making them wait that much irl time, denying them other potential couplings and probably a lot of crucial development that'd take them further apart, and all for the possibility of a romance arc that does none of them any favors.

the fate meddling. the whole shoehorning of earth-8 ruins it beyond the point of no return. maybe the chemistry could've come later. maybe once the age gap became negligible they could've had something. but them only making out because they suddenly, randomly discover an alternate future world where they are a happily married celebrity supercouple who lead their equivalent of the avengers, are fabulously wealthy and beloved by the public, and have two superpowered spider-kids who keep. showing. up. to be all 'hi alternate mom and dad! we love you! let's team up!' is so fucking creepy. dangling two delightful spiderkids in front of a teenage boy and a 20yr old girl who barely know each other and are under a lot of stress and heavily implying 'you'd better kiss or these sweet kids won't exist and you'll never be happy' is gross. and it makes any idea of them hooking up feel like they're giving in to the pressure of adhering to someone else's narrative and surrendering to an arranged spidermarriage rather than trying to forge a sincere emotional connection of their own.

the sexism. specifically making gwen, the girl who is defined by standing in the shadow of her mainstream self being Spider-Man's Dead Girlfriend, finally get to have her own story where she gets to survive her peter parker, be the hero, and have a narrative about trying to keep her agency and find her place in a world trying to chew her up and spit her out, and for her characterization to be that of an antiauthority cop-cynical grungy musician girl with no desires for a domestic life, who is currently hated by the public and hunted by the cops in her world....... and then having her be informed by the equivalents of the gods of destiny that she will only ever be accepted or tolerated if she marries some boy (literally, a teenager. a boy.) she barely knows, abandons her world and everyone in it that she loves for him, has babies with him and becomes a hyperfeminine celebrity supercop, as all her musical ambitions seem to have evaporated in favor of her being a family-centered girlboss.... rancid. absolutely rancid. god no please no. run gwen stacy run. don't get kataang'd.

the comphet. it's a given to everyone who reads her comics-- and even most of the people making them-- that spider-gwen is not straight. she's unmotivated by sex and romance (or domesticity in general: this girl does not want kids), she turns down male love interest after male love interest, she has tension with her bandmates and much of her female supporting cast (though they seem more interested in her than she is in them). alternate versions of her have had even more overt queercoded vibes with her interactions with female characters (even spiderverse gwen is trans-coded). gwen is queer. she might not be gay but she's definitely not straight, and it's just the disney-marvel homophobia that won't let them say it. with that in mind... a queer girl being told by what basically counts as a god that the only way she'll ever be happy or accepted is if she marries a boy she isn't that interested in and has a nuclear family with him, and hey, it'll make sense eventually... fuuuuuck that. even the kiss reeks of comphet: gwen only does it because it's what she feels like she's supposed to do. with all this in mind, if they get together... man that's a bad vibe.

the shallowness: reading the miles issues of sitting in a tree, the way he talks about her is... weird. it's him bragging to his high school bros about how he met this super hot, super powerful older spider-woman and totally made out with her, and dude, she's gonna have my kids someday. and the gwen issues are just like 'so this boy showed up and god made me make out with him. anyway.' basically the vibe is that miles is into gwen because she's hot, she also has spider powers (and at this point given that he was being thrown peter's leftovers, that she's a version of peter's girlfriend, and he wants to be like peter.) and gwen is into miles because she sees hiding behind a relationship with him as an easy fix to her problems. that's it. that's what keeps them together. that's the depth of their connection. that, and that they look pretty when they stand next to each other. if they get together, good god they're gonna hamstring each other's growth.

anyway i'm just staring down the barrel of these two getting together in btsv. no matter how earned the payoff is in the movie, the consequences are that they'll likely be paired off in the comics then too, which almost certainly means that gwen, whose solo was cancelled and only appears in team-ups and crappy minis now, will be sent to be miles's supporting cast to largely exist as His Girlfriend for potentially years, and that the fundamental cornerstone of her character ('gwen stacy gets to be the superpowered protagonist of her own story without being any spider-man's girlfriend, regardless of whether she dies or lives to motivate him') will have been betrayed. that's the Big Fear, and it all started here, with fucking sitting-in-a-tree.

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[stormblessed95]

Tbh from one pov I find it very hard to believe jikook might be a couple and it's been almost 5-6 yrs since jikook . Like we know how relationships in kpop industry work or I general works. Most relationships known in kpop to us won't go over 1 to 2 year. It's the max. Many breakup after even 1 month dating. So jikook being this much in demand idols, top In game , handsome and hot , rich af didn't date any other people in this yrs is very baffling. Even removing everything till 2018. It's still 4 yrs of relationship.

Ofocurse they will be receiving many date proposals from Korea and abroad from female and male idols and models and celebrities, staffs or even common people. And they politely declined that and are in still in relationship. For your info there was a poll conducted and jk was the most popular male idol among female idols and jm was among male idols. Lmao and these two most in demand idols are dating each other 🤡🤡.

They both are very young and ofcourse are meeting new New people everyday. And are friends with many especially jimin. So isn't it a human tendency to meet and date and experiment with new people befofore settling to one . even other members may have dated multiple persons in and out of industry before settling with one(if they found the one ). Ofcourse jm and jk is known romantics but we are speaking about very raw life experience where we know how it works really.

Then in second pov , I see jikook. All things they've doing all these years. Which obviously leads to me to only one conclusion that they are together. I can't explain away some to many moments with any practical reasons.

If they are really togther , then they are one of the few incredibly incredibly loyal people to their partner especially in the whole industry.

Lmao anon. I don't understand the point of this ask. Are you trying to say that yes, it's likely and probable that KM are a couple because you can't explain away all their moments together and their love is just being screamed out into the world? Then, yes. I agree.

If you are also trying to say that it's unlikely simply because of how long they have been together and/or how young they were/are. Then I simply don't understand. Just because some people have failed relationships in the kpop world, everyone else has to? Or you mention in general too, so because they met and have been supposedly dating a long time, it would be silly to think they haven't wanted to explore their options? Lol anon. Not everyone wants to sow their wild oats or play the field.

You sent this ask to someone who met their husband at 15 years old. To someone who started dating him at 17 years old after we were best friends for 2 years. To someone who then married that same man at 19 years old. To someone who is now still happily married to that same man at 26 years old and has a family with him. He wasn't my first kiss, but he was (and is) my first real love. I have never wanted to break up or play the field or felt like I was missing out on anything. Why would I? I had/have everything I wanted already.

To say it's unlikely or unrealistic that they be together this long is just not true. Sure, they probably have had their fair share of hardships. They may have questioned things a time or two, had some fights. But the idea that they could have been together for years now is not some crazy unrealistic pipe dream. People can have rewarding and loyal and happy long term relationships, even in hard situations. It's very very possible.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Secret Relationship

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

Goodness and Justice Have Dwelt in Your Heart  by violetclarity Rated:  Mature Words:  1952 Tags:  Secret Relationship, Dark!Draco, Angst Summary:  “But sooner or later you would regret having consecrated your love to me, for you do not know my soul.” // An upside-down remix of Wolves and Lambs Look Not by LowerEastSide. Read on AO3

📜 just tell me when it’s alright by M0stlyVoid Rated:  Explicit Words:  23,002 Tags:  Secret Relationship, Rimming, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Forced Orgasm, Possessive Behavior, Jealousy, Bite Kink, Bruise Kink, Light Dom/sub Summary:  Harry’s been fighting tooth and nail for any bit of normalcy he can get his hands on. He’s sick of feeling like something’s wrong with him, tired of feeling different. He thinks he’s finally gotten to the root of it, and has settled into a routine that makes him happy. Naturally, that’s when Draco Malfoy walks back into his life and upends it once again. Has Harry bitten off more than he can chew with his former rival? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley Rated:  Not Rated Words:  10884 Tags: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, there's a lot of shagging, and a lot of unresolved emotions, because these two dudes are idiots, but we love them, and they love each other, Oops, its complicated though, OR IS IT Summary:  Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Difference Between a Cat and a Comma, Or, The One Where McGonagall Has Sass by shilo1364 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  18600 Tags: Mentor Minerva McGonagall, Hogwarts Eighth Year, background Ronmione, Transfigurations, HP: EWE, Pre-Slash, Pre-Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Coming Out, Secret Relationship, Humor, Fluff and Humor, No Smut, No Sex, Ginny is Harry's best friend, harry is annoyed at Ron and hermione, Harry/Draco and Ginny/luna double-date, Inspired by a Tumblr pun, Thestrals, tea with Hagrid, Transfiguration (Harry Potter), Tie-Switching, Great Hall Relationship Reveal Summary:  Eighth year at Hogwarts is going to be boring. That's what Draco Malfoy thinks when the Wizengamot makes attendance a condition of his pardon. After all, after letting Death Eaters into the school, failing to kill his headmaster, and being forced to serve a homicidal madman, how could finishing up his education *possibly* be interesting? Answer: a coveted Transfigurations advanced study position, Minerva Mcgonagall's surprising fondness for him, Thestrals, tea with Hagrid, tutoring Harry Potter, Granger and Weasley's excessive PDA, and the perplexing nature of sleight-of-hand double-dates with Harry, Luna, and Ginny. And then, of course, there's righteously indignant (if misinformed) Weasley, Draco's own insecurities and flair for dramatics, and a long-suffering Kingsley Shacklebolt. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Parseltongue, Quidditch, and Smut, Oh My! by cassie_black Rated:  Mature Words:  14392 Tags: Fluff, Smut, Sexual Content, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Parseltongue, Secret Relationship, Angry Sex Summary:  Hot boys, ball games, and snake talk! (A very late Christmas present for the lovely nursedarry!) ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Still Life by orphan_account Rated:  Mature Words:  3011 Tags: London, POV Harry Potter, i guess!!! Summary:  N/A ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I'll Tell You A Secret (Just Don't Tell) by nerakrose Rated:  General Words:  18331 Tags: Coming Out, Domestic, Fluff, Cute, Community: trope_bingo, Curtain Fic, Secret Relationship, Car Accidents, But no one dies, HP: EWE, Forced coming out, Muggle Life, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World Summary:  Harry and Draco are living a fairly normal life with a fairly normal relationship, except for the part where it's, well, secret. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Code-Cracking For Gryffindors by Saras_Girl Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  4065 Tags: N/A Summary:  Harry should know better than to conceal mysterious body art from dorm-mates who pay no heed to what happened to the cat. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Too precious to share by slowroad Rated:  Mature Words:  1667 Tags: Romance, Fluff, Humor, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, HP Fluff Fest 2020 Summary:  Harry and Draco are several months into their eighth year at Hogwarts. They have been in a relationship for a while now, but no one knows about them and they are happy to keep it that way. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 On The Couch by Frayach Rated:  Explicit Words:  26035 Tags: Desperation, Soul-Searching, Passion, Therapy, Voyeurism, Infidelity Summary:  It’s a Mind Healer’s worse nightmare to lose a patient to suicide, but Mind Healer Nick Nichols can attest to the fact that a murder/suicide is even worse. If only Dr. Freud had come up with a sure cure for love. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Curiosity, Wonder, Spontaneous Delight by cloudings Rated:  Explicit Words:  114710 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, but its more like, enemies to friends with benefits to lovers?, Enemies with benefits?, Porn, Blow Jobs, Accidental Voyeurism, Voyeurism, Scars, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Fantasizing, Flirting, if it seems like there are too many gay characters in this I say fuck you, Getting Together, coming to terms with sexuality, Sexuality, Bisexual Harry Potter, Gay Draco Malfoy, Lesbian Ginny Weasley, Improper Use of the Imperius Curse, Dry Humping, Making Out, Secret Relationship, Sneaking Around, Draco Malfoy Speaks French, as he should, Drinking, Partying, Jealousy, Anal Sex Summary:  After Harry hears some rumours about Malfoy, he becomes more and more curious until he just has to get some answers. Malfoy is more than prepared to give him anything he needs, just as long as he gets something back in return. Harry’s not sure why he’s surprised that it’s something moderately illegal. In which Ron continues to get far too many eyefuls, Hermione has had quite enough with everybody, and Harry’s not sure why enemies to friends to friends with benefits isn’t enough for him. OR Harry becomes incredibly curious, and somewhere along the line ends up accidentally falling in love with Draco Malfoy. Because of course he bloody would. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  302209 Tags: Canon up until Epilogue, Triwizard, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Redemption, Forgiveness, Angst, Memory Loss, Secret Relationships, obliviate, secret boyfriends Summary:  Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness. Pairings: HP/DM (Slash) Timeframe: 1994-2002 Goblet to 4 yrs post-DH EWE Rating T for language, high angst, content. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Breakin' the Rules by orpheous87 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  3146 Tags: Implied Sexual Content, H/D Sex Fair 2020, Auror Partners, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Draco Malfoy, Gay Draco Malfoy, Bisexual Harry Potter, Secret Relationship, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, St Mungo's Hospital, Fluff, Coming Out, Happy Ending, Hurt Harry Potter, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE Summary:  Harry and Draco are Auror partners. They're in a relationship that they've been forced to keep secret due to relationships between Aurors being forbidden. Harry is okay with this, as he hasn't come out to anyone other than Draco, but after a mission goes awry, their relationship is exposed. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Little Talks by Femme (femmequixotic), noeon (noe) Rated:  Explicit Words:  11351 Tags: N/A Summary:  Draco's been shagging the Head Auror for months now, and he's sure it's just a fling. Until Harry asks him to a Quidditch match, that is, and things go horribly wrong. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Look the Way I Feel by yourdifferentoctober Rated:  Explicit Words:  108693 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Mental Health Issues, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Top Harry Potter, Orgasm Delay/Denial, First Time, Praise Kink, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Snogging, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Enemies to Lovers, Sexual Tension, Falling In Love, Jealous Harry Potter, Possessive Harry Potter Summary:  Draco returns for his eighth year at Hogwarts in an attempt to salvage whatever he can of his future. His plan: sit as many N.E.W.T.s as possible, distance himself from the Malfoy name, and keep out of trouble. Of course, with his father on trial and at risk of unthinkable punishment, not to mention the anxiety-fueled "episodes" that have been plaguing him since summer, the school year doesn't go so smoothly. Especially when Harry Potter keeps seeking him out. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Magnetism by Queenie_Mab Rated:  Explicit Words:  26028 Tags: Illustrated, Chaptered, Adaptation, Rimming, Anal Sex, Veritaserum, Bad Poetry, Bets, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Blow Jobs, Mistaken Identity, Bottom Harry Summary:  Muggle Romance Novelist Draco Malfoy is exiled in the Muggle world after the war, but as fate would have it, the chemistry between him and Harry Potter draws them together, no matter how much Draco resists. Adapted from the manga/anime, Gravitation by Maki Murakami ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 In Secret by Rei382 Rated:  General Words:  2119 Tags: Secret dating, Secret Relationship, Christmas, did I ever say how much I love arthur?, No I did not?, well now is my chance Summary:  Harry and Draco are secretly dating. At least, they think it's secretly. ❤️ Read on AO3

[namtanlovesfilm]

I don't get why people are sharing their own stories about cheating and stuff, like...okay? Sure, we get cheating and forgiving is realistic but you know what else is realistic too? Not cheating in a 3 yr relationship and different sources of conflict, especially in an LGBTQ+ relationship.

(i mean no offense to those who've shared their stories, truly, it makes me think in a not so "stiff" manner. But all I'm saying is for Teh and Oh-Aew to reach that point in ep5, there could've been various other plots that could've taken them their.)

😳😳😳 big same tbh, like I feel like some people are projecting & then get upset bc people are condemning cheating as a bad thing and they feel attacked. it's like you've just said, we KNOW cheating and forgiving it happens in real life, but the issue is the way the story & characters were set up in itsay and the way it felt completely pointless AND destroyed in ipytm. and yes teh & oh-aew getting back together in ep 5 seemed to come out of nowhere after they've spent the last 4 eps showing us how bad they are together & they saw each other ONCE before teh wanted to get back together. I've said it since day 1, if people are enjoying the show, good for them! but don't get upset at others for being rightfully critical of it either.

xxx

[abybweisse]

I've seen a thread on ig about how Undertaker was probably never Claudia's lover, and I know you kinda ship them or at least are a believer of the UT=Cedric theory, I kinda am too and I tried not to be bias while reading that post but I feel like their points were rlly weak. Here are some points that tried to debunk UTxClaudia: 1. Cedric canonly has a birth and a death date which means he is human (lol).

2.Because UT was already a shinigami when he met Clau, we need to ask ourselves some questions: Why should a shinigami be able to have children? Since the shinigami duty is a punishment for those who commited suicide. Being able to live a nice life, have kids and interfere with human affairs and lives does not respect those facts.

3. Isn't it weird for him to fall in love with someone that was born 24 yrs after he came to the human world?

4. UT expressed strong feelings toward all the other mourning lockets and Vincent especially. Why would Claudia be more important than the rest of them?

Idk but when I read this I went ??? a bit cause I dont think it rlly debunks anything :/.. or maybe I cant see it that way cause I'm a fan of the theory/ship. However I wanted to see the side of a theorist/ an analytical pov, so what do u think?

Thanks for thinking of me! 😊

Only two things boggle my mind, here:

How that person thought their arguments debunked anything in the world, and

How you managed to send such a long ask in one message....

Anyway, I’ve received asks like this before, but it’s usually from people who think more like that thread on ig. You can try searching my blog with some of the tags on this post, like #cedric k. ros—, etc. But let me see if I can pull up something that gets to the heart of this ask....

....Um, it’s really spread out over way too many posts for me to grab that many links. Anyway, a search for “cedric k ros” brought up a ton of posts generally on this topic.

Also, my beliefs have changed somewhat over the years. I wonder how old that ig thread is, since we’ve learned a lot more canon information on Undertaker and the Phantomhive family since I first joined the discussion of Undertaker’s true identity. So, I’ll address each part of your ask here and now.

Cedric has a canon birthdate and death date, so he must be human. Well, it means he must have once been human, but it doesn’t mean he’s a mere human now. Besides, the years of his birth and death are rather conveniently covered up by a speech bubble. The rest of his last name, too. Go check out all my #cedric of rotherwood posts. Cedric might have lived and died centuries ago, might have become a reaper long ago, too.

Shinigami having kids breaks the rules. Reapers being able to have children could actually be part of their punishment... if my theory is correct that reapers are reborn as a form of karmic reincarnation. That would mean reapers are born to biologically female reapers, who definitely do exist; there just don’t appear to be as many of them, which fits suicide statistics. A reaper having children with a human goes against reaper rules, since they are not supposed to meddle in human affairs... just collect souls. Technically, they don’t even judge the souls, they just follow a protocol to verify it’s that person’s time to die. This doesn’t mean it’s impossible; it just does, in fact, mean Undertaker is breaking reaper rules. But he’s obviously doing that anyway. Why not break all of them? 🤨 Edit: There’s a good reason for him to want to have children with human females (not even necessarily just one), for the very reason that it skirts around this punishment of making more reapers with reaper females. Reapers like Undertaker, who might be mating with humans, can cause the reaper organization to become even more understaffed over time. That’s something else I have mentioned before in my theory about them being reborn. There could even be a backlog of souls from suicide victims that are waiting around for new reaper bodies to be placed into. And the way Ronald flirts with females both in the reaper realm and the human realm suggests that Undertaker isn’t the only one who might be spreading around his reaper genes... changing the very nature of humanity over the generations.

It’s weird that Undertaker would fall in love with a human within however many years of deserting his post. Not weird at all, plus we don’t know whether love is the only thing that might have brought them together. Also, 24 years is merely a guess... and not a very good one. 136649 tried to destroy reaper HQ ~70years before 1889, so around 1819. The year these three things historically happened: 1. Queen Victoria was born, 2. Prince Albert was born, and 3. (Sir) Walter Scott introduced the world to Cedric of Rotherwood in Ivanhoe. He even invented that name, Cedric. Undertaker says he hadn’t been called a reaper in about 50years. That suggests two things: 1. He not only failed to destroy the HQ, but he also might have been captured, punished, and returned to his work as a reaper until he finally deserted about 20years later, and 2. If he didn’t actually manage to escape until around 1839 or thereabouts, then Cloudia/Claudia was just a kid at the time. Undertaker might have become involved in the Phantomhive family’s “work” before she became watchdog; he might have been an informant to her father, for example.

Why should he care more about Cloudia/Claudia than the other people on the lockets or Vincent? If he loved her, and if she bore his children, then it would explain this quite easily. Who wouldn’t cry over the death of their child? These other six people represented by the other lockets must also have been particularly dear to him, for various possible reasons. But he seems to focus the most on her locket. It’s also placed directly in the center of the chain; they are not in order of death dates. (In fact, their last initials create a pretty cool set of notes, with Phantomhive becoming an F or an F# [F sharp]. Please see #lockets’ melody and #leitmotif posts that date as far back as 2016). And more recently, her locket (and her locket alone) has become a symbol of Undertaker in series merchandise. Them having been lovers would explain it pretty well, I should think! And, if I’m right that “136649” means he became the 49th registered reaper of 1366, then Cloudia/Claudia died (was killed) not just on a Friday the 13th... but also 500 years after Undertaker was registered as a reaper.

Thanks for this ask, and please check out the tags below for more information.

[reversecreek]

MEET THE NPCS...

BOBBY YANG, “BIG BOB” .

1. how old are they and what do they look like?

thirty-four. implausibly tall. the day magda first saw a sketch of slenderman she thought of him. when her aunt shelly pulled up the dirt road to abernathy creek magda remembers seeing him through a dusty back window with his head bowed to avoid getting tree leaves in his eyes, joint between his lips, dungarees dirty and half unbuckled. one side of his hair is buzzed with no apparent style intention and he has a weed leaf tattooed behind his left ear. an elephant on his thigh. a name on his ankle he often wears a plaster over. once it soaked through and fell off in the creek and, newly glossy in the sun, nine year old magda reached to give it a blunt and shameless prod. big bob never explained who the name belonged to, he only reached to thumb at the minari growing by the water bed and talk about the fact it was a "versatile little sucker”. 

2. if applicable, where and when did they meet your muse?

big bob introduced himself as such and magda raised her eyebrow in disbelief, the soul of a disgruntled pensioner in a seven yr old’s body. magda didn’t rly talk to anyone when she first arrived in her new home, verging on mute. she was angry at the move, angry that her dad hadn’t called her when she got there, angry that she didn’t know her mother’s voice to imagine it telling her everything was okay. the world made her so angry she didn’t want to acknowledge it. she sat outside in silence for a long time letting a ladybug crawl over her hand, and big bob didn’t ask anything of her, he only schlepped closer and presented her with a buttercup. she looked at it like it’d spat in her face but took it nonetheless. it was strange having an actual bed, if you could call a bare mattress that, used to sleeping on the sofa in shelly’s old trailer, and the springs nipped at her like a dog demanding treats, so she wandered outside in one of shelly’s big tie dye shirts like a nightdress, searching for the moon. big bob was standing out there already in the overgrown grass, stark naked, chin lifted to gawk at the moon himself. magda didn’t disturb him. this is when she first discovered his habit of naked sleepwalking. abernathy creek felt like a bird house overrun with all kinds of eccentric, squawking parakeets. it was a lot for a seven yr old to take in. this was a strange reality she’d never signed up for, swallowed by the commune to overheat inside it’s belly. 

3. what kind of a presence do they have in your muse’s life? do they have a positive or negative relationship?

bob’s definitely a character. three times now he’s slipped hallucinogens into magda’s tea without her knowing under the impression that this is just harmless fun and he’s actually helping her by pushing her little boat to bob along the ocean of enlightenment, once at as young as 16. every time she realises he’s like “y’just got bobbeddddd!” and magda’s like here we go ig. told her the raw earth has healing properties to explain why he’d dug up the grass just to rub his hands in the soil and lay there like a panting, overheated dog. he’s an important component to abernathy creek and oversees a lot of the agriculture there. rigged up the irrigation system himself using copper pipes that magda suspects were stolen. the beat up camper van that’s usually parked up behind abernathy and hidden under leafy branches appeared when he did, apparently, although he insists it belongs to everyone. he leads the crusades to drive it up to the mountains and take a group of abernathy creek residents shroom picking. he’s in charge of drying them for selling, too. jack of all trades, really. magda claims not to care for him (or anyone) but she still walked out onto the grass, took his hand and lead him inside whenever she found him sleepwalking at night in her teens. once a group of kids were daring each other to get closer when he was out there and magda threw a stone so hard at one of their shin’s it split it open and made them scatter. but again, magda “does not care about him”. the jury is not convinced.

4. are they revered in irving? do they have bad blood with anyone?

honestly everyone in irving probably thinks he’s a rly strange guy and i won’t fk around. he kind of is. wears many necklaces around his neck n one is just a pouch that has a prehistoric mosquito encased in a little piece of amber inside. sometimes magda wonders if he likes to play up to his reputation by putting it on a little bit. once she saw him suddenly jerking his head like a pecking chicken and saying “g’warn GET” to scare a random middle aged hiker into galloping in the opposite direction in the trees near abernathy. has a masterful knowledge of bird songs and can imitate them all impeccably. sometimes does this instead of replying with words. never cares about the holes in his shoes where his toes poke out. always seems to be turning a rusty coin between his fingers like it helps him think. he makes moonshine that will knock u off ur feet tho which is always a good time if ur lucky enough to try it. he has a very rich n warm voice like a log fire or a gooey chocolate brownie. even with all of his oddities he sounds kind. he’s very unconventional n doesn’t abide by rules of society a lot but he’s quite funny n a good time. makes engaging smalltalk if u treat him with respect. weird but admittedly a tiny bit wonderful. 

OTIS WOLFE.

1. how old are they and what do they look like?

forty-six but he looks older. the skin beneath his eyes is subtly purpled like it’s been dyed by a lick of beetroot juice. he has a very charismatic walk which doesn’t sound like it makes sense but it does to look at him. he walks everywhere buoyantly and with purpose. very high energy in his good days. lives everything in large quantities, good and bad. always used to wear a tan leather bomber jacket when magda was growing up but he forgot it w her one visit n it’s the only time she’s known him to call up two days after leaving to ask if she’d seen it. magda lied and said she hadn’t. she still has it to this day. sleeps in it on her bad days. otis has a smile so big it shines like live wires are sparking in his mouth. magda’s fingertips prickle like she’s an hour recovering from shoving a fork into a plug socket whenever she sees it. she used to think that’s what excitement felt like. that used to be true.

2. what kind of a presence do they have in your muse’s life? do they have a positive or negative relationship?

it’s very complicated. magda knows her dad isn’t a good person but she knows he isn’t a bad person either. sometimes it’s more frustrating to see things in grey because you just want something solid to take shape that u can actually put ur finger on. she finds herself perpetually stood at a fork in the road between believing in him still and deciding he’s no good. sometimes she’ll start walking in one direction only to realise it loops back on itself and she’s right back where she started. otis has given her a lot of fun “adventures”. taught her how to juggle. they stayed in a hotel on someone else’s credit card once and racked up a gargantuan tab ordering every form of room service and renting godzilla and the matrix on pay per view when she was 11. sometimes he’d use her in gimmicks where she had to lie and pretend she had a health condition so they could get a few bucks off charitable strangers on a street corner and under the veil of youth magda found playing up these roles funny because who would ever believe that? wasn’t everyone in the world so stupid except them? it was nice being part of his team. his “little wolfie”. but then a lot of things weren’t nice either. he’s left her stranded on the side of the road with nowhere to go on more than one occasion. he’s passed out in motel corridors and she’s had to lug him into a bed. he’s forgotten almost every birthday apart from one where he sent a card with five dollars inside and handwriting so squiggly she could tell he was drunk when he wrote it. he doesn’t know she likes to sing because he’s only ever listened when he’s fallen asleep. otis is all of magda’s heart and that’s why sometimes she likes to forget that it’s beating. 

3. are they revered in irving? do they have bad blood with anyone?

he’s very flighty n rarely in irving any more tbh but was more when magda was younger n his visits were a little less sporadic. probably owes a bunch of people money for some reason or another. smashed up fannie’s recently when he turned up drunk and got ahead of himself on a giddy n frenzied rampage in the name of “fun” n “just having a laugh”. magda’s aunt shelly really doesn’t get on with her brother n thinks he’s a complete deadbeat waste of space n resents him a lot for the impact he’s had on magda. magda remembers being little and peeking through a crack in shelly’s trailer door when he turned up drunk one time to collect her for a visit n shelly wouldn’t let him in. something along the lines of “you don’t give a rat’s ass about that little girl” and “she worships you, y’know that? most of the time, you don’t even remember her name”. magda crept back onto the sofa and pretended to be asleep by the time she came inside.

4. if your muse is no longer in contact with them, how did the relationship end? did your muse get closure over this?

magda slowly stopped trying to keep in contact over the years. it got embarrassing trying so hard when she didn’t get much back. like pushing a boulder all the way up a hill only to watch it roll back down again. it’s probably contributed a lot towards magda’s inability to really try with people like she should, especially when her heart’s involved. she doesn’t want to be humiliated again. magda hasn’t spoken to her dad in person in almost a year. they had a phone call about seven months back but it turned out to be a butt dial and he hung up because he was in the middle of a conversation at some bar about the moon landing conspiracy. magda’s playlist that i have for her is called “a rodeo clown in a revolving door” which is basically the role otis serves in magda’s life. always in and out. never constant. gone more than he’s there, especially lately. idk if magda will ever get closure over that. she certainly hasn’t now. pouts my fuckable lips to the side w a hand on hip and triple f’s prominent.

[aal-archaeology]

Summary of my first term of my Ph.D. at Stanford during a global pandemic and an extremely controversial election year (Anthropology, yr. 1, she/they, 25y/o) with some toggl data analysis

Well this year was a doozy if I don’t say so myself. But we survived it, and its okay if that’s all you were able to do this year because that’s enough.  As an offical 18th grader, I feel like I can speak pretty well to the toxicity of the academic environment. There is always a pressure to be working all of the time, people compete with each other with how few hours of sleep they got, every conversation with fellow students is just listing off all of the different assignemnts you have to do by the end of the week. On top of all of this, this is 2020. So, I decided that this year I’m going to give myself some mental slack. 

I decided that this is the year that I’m not going to try to impress anyone. I’m just going to survive and do what I have to do to move onto the next term. I think I did a pretty good job at that for the first term, so I’ll share a bit about what I observed in myself and those in my cohort. Coming into term one having to choose classes, many of my peers were packing their schedules full of 5 Unit seminars. For those who don’t know, theoretically, a 5 Unit course is supposed to take about 5-6 hours of work outside of class hours. For Stanford Anthropology, most PhD students take as close as they can to 18 credits, and anything over that you have to pay extra for the courses. Taking more courses doesn’t really put you any further ahead in terms of completing your degree, and you’re expected to complete about 45 Units each year for the first two years of the program. 

I decided to take 2 seminars (typical), a language course, and a couple filler credits that we are given the option to use if we need 1-3 units to hit 18 total. I,  fortunately, tracked every hour spent outside of the classroom working on each course using toggl (i highly reccomend): 

In a typical week, I spent about 5-6 hours/week outside of class on my Anthro seminars, and about 6-7 hours on Japanese. Japanese was a “for-fun” class so I would usually study more of that when I didn’t feel like reading dense archaeological theory. 

Toggl was a really cool way to see where I was spending too much, or not enough, time on my classwork. If it was taking me more than 1.5 hours to get through a single article, I knew I was probably spending too much time on it and should move on to the next thing. My goal for the term was to stay true to the 5 Unit idea of 5-6 hours, and not over-work myself. 

Toggl was also useful in tracking my mental health throughout the term, as it is very obvious to see when I just was not physically capable of ingesting 400 pages of reading. For example, election week:

Election week was really hard for me, and everyone else in the world honestly. I had various family things I was dealing with, typical existential dread, plus it was week 8-ish of the term when everything was already on fire in terms of workload. For one of my seminars (purple), we had to read a book for the following week which I was able to do the sundar after election day. However, for the days leading up to and surrounding the 4th, the only thing I could mentally handle was mindless Japanese vocab studying. One of my seminars really sufferend this week, and I straight up just didnt show up to the smaller Anth 310G class because I had only read the title of the pdf. Fortunately, I emailed my professor of my Theory class and was like “yo dude I cannot” and he replied that he understood and wouldnt call on me during that day of class. 

I didn’t do a whole lot of journalling at all this term, but for this week I just wrote “pain” on most days and then YAY BIDEN at the end of it. 

Weekly Schedule

Above is what a typical week looked like, some were a lot lot lot more dense, others not so much, but this was pretty average. Not all things on the calendar are work related, some are extra lectures from visiting professors that sounded interesting, or “Free Boba & Snacks Pick Up” put on by my residence. Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday were my big work days last term, where I didn’t have a whole lot of classes so I would do most of my reading then. On Tues and Thurs I had one 3-hour seminar, and M-F I had a 50 min Japanese class. 

I woke up every day around 7am-ish, made a green tea, and sat at the computer to work, filter through emails, etc. On particularily open days I would go grocery shopping, go for bike rides/walks around campus, go buy food/boba. 

On class-heavy days, I wouldn’t leave my computer for 8-12 hours, which is extremely ridiculous but that’s the new norm in school in 2020. This kind of stunk because all of the socializing was also on the computer, so even if I wasn’t working I was doing screen related things. 

EVERY day I stopped working at 6pm. Rarely did I do readings past 6pm unless I was really slacking somewhere. From 6pm onwards I would do things like play Among Us or League of Legends with my discord friends, eat, watch movies with my partner, etc. And then most nights I would try to be in bed by 12am at the latest. 

Social Life

Despite the online nature of things this term, I was suprisingly able to meet a lot of great people on campus. We were all being tested at least once a week, which made in person gatherings with 1-4 people a little less scary, especially when half of the people lived together in one household. 

In the first week of school, some of the grad programs put on a “speed friending” zoom event, where I was able to connect with two people really well. We ended up doing a “slow-friending” zoom event afterwards and then created a FB group chat and added all of the people we had met into it. The group ended up being about 15 people, and we would message the group for park hangouts, going to get food, or going on walks on campus. We also had a huge get together in a park for Mid-Autumn Festival, where we sat in a socially distanced circle, chatted, and ate mooncakes. 

Most of my socializing came from my online friends, and amongus was a huge savior to my mental health this term wher emy group would play literally every night. I also made a really good friend off of Bumble BFF this term, who I’ve hung out with a good amount for plant shopping and board games. 

I’m very fortunate to be in a situation where I can get tested for COVID on a days notice, and very grateful that I could use that to stay a little sane.  My Biggest Accomplishment this term, was not school related. but instead I hit my 365 DAY STREAK on duolingo. This was celebrated with cake. This streak has lived through literal hell and for that I am very proud. 

Overall reflection:

This term was super rough, there were a lot of days where I just napped through it and a lot of days where I couldn’t bring myself to do any work. However, I think the courseload that I took was very manageable and I’m going to continue to go light on myself in that regard. 

I really liked the boundaries that I set for myself this term, not working after 6pm and making time to do some fun things in the midst of chaos. I never felt like I was too far behind on work, or that I wasn’t doing enough, because I had a literal reminder in front of me that I had already put x amount of hours into something with toggl. 

Sometimes in class I would feel like I didn’t know how to productively contribute to conversation, but I think thats a skill that will get better over time and not being so great at it should especially be expected in the first term of a program.

Socially I met a lot of wonderful people who also made me feel more comfortable will myself. I started using She/They pronouns which feel really comforting to me. I made a lot of little origami cranes every time I was feeling sad. I drank a lot of boba. Watched a lot of She Ra. Played a lot of games. It all ended up being okay despite the weight of everything around me. 

I’m proud of all of you for making it through this year, I know it was really difficult for a lot of people in more ways than it was for me, but we’re still here! Sometimes all you can do it make it to the next day and thats such a big accomplishment on its own.  Please feel free to reach out with any questions about time-management, toggl, phd stuff in general, archaeology, etc! Always happy to help out. :’) Thanks for reading! Lyss

[appalachianwiine]

Swim Chapter 9 - A Friend

Chapter 9

And if it feels like it's already over

Lean in closer, rest your bones

You've got a friend when times get mean

Yeah, in the meantime I'm on your team

“In the Meantime” - Randall Kent

The day passed in an odd sense of time for Carol, while the kids and her classes kept her busy enough the moments between periods and over lunch seemed to stretch on forever. The opening and closing of the heavy classroom doors shoved and yanked by teenagers all too ready to leave class brought back clear memories of heavy hospital doors being swung open and the room filling with people. Every time a phone would chime or the office would call she’d be dragged back to memories of the nurses calling in codes and shouting for doctors.

3 o’clock came and went and instead of staying after to grade papers or work on paperwork she started cleaning up the classroom to leave. To get to the hospital by 430 she needed to be out of here by 4. She moved robotically through the motions of wiping down the desks and straightening the textbooks. Her mind was with Lydia and Daryl now.

She knew all too well the feeling of being in one of those rooms, time lost to the hospital. Morning, noon, and night change to first shift, second shift, third shift. Hours turning to IV drip times and vitals checks. It could crush a person alone like that and Daryl seemed to think he was very alone. She got the sense he had been for a long time and it worried her. It reminded her of Leah and Matthew really, they’d come from a small farm in northern Georgia and despite all of Carol’s pushing and offering and turning up Leah had never been friendly. Even Ezekiel hadn’t managed to get more then a few words at a time from the woman and he could get just about anybody to talk. She didn’t want to see Daryl and Lydia facing the same sort of isolation.

Carol stopped to pick up coffee for her and Daryl on the way to the hospital. It wasn’t a lot but sometimes a warm drink that wasn’t crappy hospital coffee could make a difference. Pulling into the hospital parking lot she spots a familiar face. The dark haired woman and little boy who’d come to see Lydia and Daryl a few days ago.

“Excuse me!” Carol calls, hurrying to catch up. The woman turns around. “Sorry sorry are you going to see Daryl and Lydia?”

“Yes.” The woman nods. “You must be Carol, from the group. I’m Dr. Grimes.”

“Yeah, Carol.” Carol nods. “Dr. Grimes, it’s nice to met you. Have you known Daryl for long?”

“Seven years almost. Carl was just a baby when my husband and Daryl started working together.” Dr. Grimes says. “I’ve been Lydia’s pediatrician since Daryl adopted her four years ago.”

“Oh.” Carol frowns, “Then you -”

“Caught the cancer?” Dr. Grimes nods. “Yeah, something was wrong, I pushed the lab to expedite the sample, and I’m glad I did it but I have to say that wasn’t ever a call I expected to make in my career. Especially not to someone I know so personally like Daryl. It’s the worst phone call I’ve ever made.”

“I can imagine.” Carol nods. “But I’m glad he has friends behind him, he needs them.”

“Well maybe you could tell him to call every now and then.” Dr. Grimes mutters, pressing the elevator door button. “He nearly gave us a heart attack the first time he called. It was nearly a full 24 hours after he came to the hospital.”

“It’s overwhelming.” Carol frowns. “Learning your kid is that sick, I’m sure he didn’t mean to worry you. He’s a nice guy.”

“He’s too nice.” Dr. Grimes sighs. “Carl step away from the doors or they won’t close.” She pulls the little boy back a step or two by his shirt. “Every time i call it’s vague answers and I know he doesn’t want to worry us but still…”

“He doesn’t want to be a burden.” Carol nods. “It’s - it’s pretty common in this world. Most people pull away when they learn you or your child has cancer. And the ones that don’t - we don’t want to burden the people who stay.”

“He’s always been like that.” Dr. Grimes sighs. “I just wish I knew how to help so he didn’t have to ask.”

“I can help with that.” Carol offers. “If you want.”

“Really?” Dr. Grimes says, ushering Carl out of the elevator. “What can we do.”

“Well - right now… everything is kind of managed for them, the doctors and nurses tell him how to clean, when to eat and sleep, what medications to take when.” Carol explains as they begin the walk down the hall. “When they get home, it’s - it’s going to be a lot scarier. Because then everything is on Daryl. If you’d like my help I’d like to help prepare the house for when he and Lydia get back. Pill organizers, cleaning supplies, wound care, that sort of thing.”

“Okay.” Dr. Grimes says. “Yeah, of course we’ll help.”

“Moooommmmm” Carl whines. “You’re being slow.”

“Alright, alright.” Dr. Grimes rolls her eyes good naturedly. “Sorry about him, this is the most he and Lydia have been apart in a long time. They were in the same class at school, and they were supposed to go to camp together this summer.”

“It’s fine.” Carol chuckles, picking up the pace slightly.

Lydia’s room has a white board attached to the door reading;

LYDIA DIXON - 8 YRS

IV VINCRISTINE

“Mom what’s vin - vin -” Carl frowns. “That?”

“It’s medicine baby.” Dr. Grimes says. “To help Lydia get better, but it might make her feel sick so we need to be quiet and calm when we go in okay?”

“Okay.” Carl nodded solemnly, reaching for his moms hand.

Carol leans forward and knocks on the door.

“Come in.” A tired, gruff voice says.

Carol pushes the door open and holds it for Dr. Grimes and Carl to go in first. Lydia is curled up in a ball on Daryl’s lap, pale as a ghost and wrapped in a blanket.

“Carl!” Lydia mutters, moving off Daryls lap and holding her arms out. Carl looks up at his mom and she nudges him forward. That’s all it takes for him to rush over and embrace Lydia.

“Hey Daryl.” Carol smiles. “I brought you decent coffee.”

“Thank.” He mutters, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. “T’ be hones I think I’m too tired t’ tell the decent stuff from the shit stuff.”

“Long night?” Carol asks.

“Yeah.” Daryl mutters. “Thanks fer comin’.”

“Of course.” She offers a supportive smile.

“How’s Carl an’ Judith?” Daryl asks turning to Dr. Grimes.

“Judith started walking, much to Shane’s horror. I sometimes forget this is the first baby he’s responsible for.” Dr. Grimes chuckles.

“Hey that’s a hell of a shock.” Daryl says. “Imagine getting a four year old and having no parenting experience.”

“You’re doing great.” Dr. Grimes says.

“Thanks Lori.” Daryl mutters. “So uh, you met Carol?”

“Yeah we ran into each other in the parking lot.” Carol nods. “So, how you holding up?”

“Um.” He glances at Lydia and Carl, who are now both wrapped in Lydia’s blanket on the end of the bed and whispering to each other. “It’s uh - it’s been a rough day. Henry and Ezekiel came by earlier, tha’ was nice. But It’s just kinda...”

“Numb?” Carol asks quietly.

“Yeah.” Daryl nods. “Numb. I was uh lookin’ at this binder and it’s - it’s like… it’s insane. I mean, three months in the hospital getting intensive chemotherapy. How do - how I even prepare for that?”

“You ask for help.” Lori whispers. “And you take it when it’s offered.”

“She’s right Daryl.” Carol says. “Those stays are impossibly hard when you’re on your own, so you let us help.”

Daryl didn’t look so sure about that, and next to her, Lori folded her arms. “Daryl Dixon. You’re not on your own anymore and trying to do it all on your own isn’t going to let you focus on Lydia. So you’re going to let us help. Got it?”

“Alright, alright.” Daryl runs a hand over his face.

“And right now you’re going to let us help by going down to the cafeteria with Carol and getting some real food.” Lori continues, looking over at Carol and raising an eyebrow. “Because if theres one thing you look like you could use right now it’s a good meal and an adult conversation.”

“I shouldn’t leave Lydia.” Daryl argues.

“She’s fine.” Lori insists. “She knows me, and she and Carl can watch a movie.”

“Lyd?” Daryl asks quietly. The little brunette turns back to look at her dad. “You okay if I go get some food with Ms. Carol?”

Lydia cocks her head and looks between the two of them. “I… I guess. You’ll come back?”

“Soon as I’m done.” Daryl nods, leaning over and kissing her hair.

“Okay.” Lydia nods.

“You two want to watch a movie?” Lori asks, motioning them out of the room.

Daryl lingers and Carol reaches out and touches his arm lightly. “Come on, they’ll be fine.”

Daryl doesn’t say a word until they’re out of the room. “Sorry about Lori she’s just -”

“She’s looking out for you.” Carol cuts him off. “I know it feels awful leaving her right now, but you have to take a minute to recharge too. Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.”

“You don’t have -”

“I’m doing it.” Carol insists. “We can go over that if you want.” She nods at the binder still in his hands. “I uh, I know pretty well whats in there. I’m sure you have questions.”

“Oh.” He frowns at the folder. “Do uh - do we have to?”

“No.” Carol says, stepping into the elevator. “We can just chat if you want. Try to get your mind off of everything in there.”

Fifteen minutes later she and Daryl are sat with a soda and sandwich each at the back of the cafeteria. Daryl seems to realize he’s hungry and inhales half the sandwich without a word, he pauses abruptly, mayonnaise on his face and turns red.

“Sorry.” He mutters, reaching for a napkin. “I uh -”

“No need.” Carol smiles. “I’ve been there, any food you have eaten has been eaten in between what little sleep you’re getting.”

“Not gettin’ much ‘f either at the momen’.” Daryl mutters. “Lydia was up most of the nigh’ sick again. Probably will be again t’night. The only time she settles is when I hold her.”

“Yeah Sophia was like that.” Carol nods, taking a bite of her own sandwich.”

“I’m usually pretty strict ‘bout everyone sleepin’ in their own bed but I can’t bring myself t’ say no right now.”

“Sophia only slept with me when she was sick too.” Carol nods. “I was always bad at saying ‘no’ while she was sick, but they do need some semblance of structure and routine.”

“Yeah.” Daryl nods taking a swig of his coke. “Tha’s gonna be hard, I know when we get home an’ she’s safe an’ secure again she’s gonna lash out an’ stuff, but I’m gonna have a damn hard time keeping boundaries.”

“I did too.” Carol nods. “Sophia was processing a lot at her diagnosis - our living situation had changed, I left her dad, it was a nightmare.” Silence hangs between them. “Have they said when you’re going home?”

“Hopefully sometime next week.” Daryl mutters.

“Okay.” Carol nods. “Lori and I are going to get the house ready for you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Carol sighs. “You’ll need some things, medical supplies, pill organizers, hand sanitizer, bedding. Something I like to do for the families here is help get their house ready to be home again.”

“You don’-” He stops, seeming to take what they’d said earlier in. “Thanks Carol.”

“It’s why I’m here.” She says, taking a bite of her own sandwich. “No one was for Sophia and I and I’m not gonna let that happen to anyone.”

“Her dad a dick?” The blunt way he says it makes her raise her eyebrows. “Sorry.” He mutters sheepishly. “I uh - I shouldn’ ha-“

“It’s fine.” She says quickly. “He uh - he was yeah. I left because I thought he hurt our little girl.” The words tumble out before she can stop them and she blinks, stunned at herself. She never spoke of Ed. She never spoke of why she was single. She left it at messy divorce and that was that.

“Shit.” Daryl mutters.

“Yeah.” Carol nods.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Nah.” He shakes his head. “It ain’. Ain’ nothing I can say gonna make it okay neither.”

There’s that blunt honesty again. Harsh, but welcome. No ‘I’m so sorry that happened’ or ‘you’re so strong’ just ‘ain’ nothing I can say gonna make it okay neither.’

“You’re special victims yeah?” Carol asks.

“Yeah.” Daryl nods.

“So I guess you’ve seen some of that.” She nods.

“Yeah.”

Silence hangs between them again.

“Thanks.” He says. “Fer all yer doin’ fer Lydia an’ I.”

“You don’t need to thank me, I’ve walked this path before. A little closer then I’d like, so if you need anything or just want some adult conversation just call.” Carol says.

“I- yeah, I will.” Daryl nods. “I uh, didn’ mean t’ scare ya this mornin’ if I did. I jus’ - you’re the only person I could think of to call.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” She smiles, reaching across the table and squeezing his hand. “You’re a good dad Daryl, and you’re gonna get through this.” Her attempt at a reassuring smile falls a little flat, because this time she’s not telling the entire truth. He will get through it, but Lydia? She was a different story all together, one with possibilities no parent wants to face.

[callmepippin]

ok so i was tagged by the lovely @lexiklecksi for the 11/11/11 tag, the rules are: answer the 11 questions she asked me, make up my own 11 questions and then tag 11 ppl to answer those (so if you want you can skip to the questions at the bottom lmao). however as a fair warning: this got Way too long probably bc im rambly today. i tried to limit the stream of consciousness but….

1. current musical obsession: Frank Ocean and related sort of neo-r&b stuff - while writing this im also discovering Childish Gambino’s “Awaken, My Love!” (and also the song Golden Brown, but not bc im listening to it but bc im learning it on both guitar and piano)

2. 3 things i always take with me:

- wallet (or at least my id)

- phone (&earphones)

- cigarettes&lighter

3. what (or who) i miss most in lockdown: i dont rly remember? im so used to the situation by now that i kind of forget to miss what i did when things were “normal”... but i guess going to bars w/ friends, and just being able to go shopping when i need smth

4. pick: either only read 1 book or only read books picked by someone else: i wouldn’t be able to only read one book for the rest of my life! so definitely the second option (esp if i can pick the person who picks the books)

5. why i found your blog/followed you and if i intend to stay: uhh you followed me and when i checked your blog i liked the vibe i guess? also you were v nice in the tags of my music stuff! also ya i like it here, so im staying for a while

6. when and why did i last cry: i genuinely dont know for sure.. the last time i specifically remember crying was my granddad’s funeral, which is three yrs ago this month, but i do know ive cried once or twice since then, i just dont remember for sure when and why.

wait i do remember, i think the last time was when i saw Richard Says Goodbye (live music and movies or books are basically the only reason i rly cry, im not an emotional crier, dont know why).

7. who holds the key to my heart: my partner of five (and a bit) years, whom i love Very Much! (although ofc my heart is not locked, i have so much love to give, just romantically i am very much taken)

8, pick one: star wars/star trek, dobby/gollum, white/black magic, flying/teleportation, time travel: past/future?

- Star Wars

- Gollum (even though i have read hp but still havent read lotr, ive read the hobbit like 4 times tho)

- i think the hard dichotomy btwn white/black magic or like light/dark and good/bad in most fiction is often v flawed bc thats not how the world works, everything is grey areas (e.g. the Jedi are not better than the Sith, both have deeply flawed philosophies). the Force (or any magic for that matter) is not inherently good or evil, it just is. nature isnt abt good or evil, isnt abt opposites but abt balance.

and especially if you work with the occult and magical, i think thats all abt walking the edge between light and dark, life and death, night and day, good and bad etc…

so to answer the question: grey magic lmao, its all abt balance

- teleportation i think, bc while flying is very cool, i think teleportation has more practical uses (although also has danger involved, such as what happens if you teleport into a space that is already occupied by a person or an object? but for the sake of argument, prolly teleportation)

- do not even get me started on time travel.. the implications of time travel to the past are…… complicated to say the least (it only works if you believe in hard determinism, which i wholly do not). so in a practical sense, def to the future (although that is also Problematic within the constraints of our four-dimensional universe/experience).

in a philosophical sense though, ignoring all the paradoxes and laws of time and space, id still pick the future (or maybe no time travel at all), bc i think the past is the past for a reason. we remember it, we learn from it, but ultimately we must leave it behind.

my philosophical problem with traveling to the future is more that you cant just. skip life. so if you travel to the future, it has to be way beyond your own life and direct influence, or youll interfere with yourself and your own future, and thats scientifically, psychologically /and/ philosophically a v bad idea all round, i think.

9. which thoughts keep me awake at night: almost never specific thoughts, but quite often anxiety abt the near future. but theres no like, lingering issues that keep me awake.

10. what id do with you if we were locked up together for 24hrs: i think i’d really like to write with you! make poetry, song lyrics, make art! bc we could rly learn from each other i think and also we could just rly pick each others brain abt mundane, important and transcendental stuff ya know?

11. ask anything: do you have concrete, long term plans for the future, maybe even backup plans? a clear vision of how the rest of your life is going to go? or are you more the type to do what makes you happy now and figure it out as you go along?

my own questions (large variation in vibes and weight, i know):

describe your favourite colour using other senses (like what sound, smell, feeling or w/e do you associate with it)

what’s the best thing that happened to you in the last week, last month and last year?

what’s the one thing/what are the things that help(s) you get up in the moring and keep putting one foot in front of the other?

are you a leftie? (warning: there is a correct answer)

do you play/have you ever played a musical instrument? (and for the sake of completeness, yes i am counting singing as well)

do you have one thing (e.g. a song, movie, book or smth else) that never fails to bring you joy?

do you have one (or more) person(s) you feel you could still hit up after ten yrs of radio silence and you’d still vibe?

what’s your favourite song lyric/line from a poem/quote? and why?

who was your first celebrity crush? (if you’ve ever had one obvsly)

what’s smth you’re looking forward to? could be specific, could be a general thing like a driver’s licence or your own apartment or w/e

this one is specifically to feed my curiosity, indulge me: why did you follow me?

congrats, you’ve managed to reach the end! again, very sorry for the rambles, thanks for sticking around. im tagging @alt-heidi, @terdiscussie, @a-soul-to-cling-to, @ontvreemd, @sarahhnghae and i guess whoever fuckin feels like it? i literally can’t think of 11 ppl on this hell site, so if i forgot you its not personal. if we’re mutuals you’re especially tagged.

[sslasherss]

Okay. I know you probably don't want anymore dad slasher asks, but like this one is kind of different. How would a slasher (any of your choice) react to a s/o who already has a young child. Like younger than 4 yrs old. This guy i am going out with recently met the number one man in my life (my 1yr old) and he absolutely adores him. If you have anything for this, then this is a request I guess. If not then please feel free to throw this out! Just a curiosity/request (if it's wanted)

Brahms

★ A kid is competition for your attention. Brahms wants all of your attention, so initially a kid just gets in the way.

★ But he tries. For you. Because your kid means the world to you so shouldn’t he at least try to see what’s so great about children? So he spends time with your kid, and after a while he realises they get along.

★ Brahms is a big kid himself, so it’s sort of like looking after two children. Once Brahms discovers a child is very helpful in pulling pranks, its all over for you. Chaos constantly. 

★ He’s not very good at helping with the kid though. He thinks of them as a friend, and a helpful chaos creator, but this man can hardly care for himself so good luck getting him to help wash them, or cook for them, etc.

Bubba

★ LOVES your child! He gets so excited to meet them he just turns into a nervous mess, but the moment they set eyes on each other its love at first sight. Immediately considers the kid his own.

★ Tries his best to help you look after them, but he’s useless. He’s never been around kids before, and he doesn’t quite understand that they’re too young to do everything an adult can.

★ Will try to show them his knife collection. And the chainsaw. And everything else. Will need a talk about how that’s a terrible idea.

★ Adores spending time with your kid. Takes them on walks, plays with them, tucks them in at night. 

★ Bubba can’t talk, so him and the kid make up their own makeshift sign languauge. You’ve tried to decipher it but it’s lost on you.

Thomas

★ Wary at first. Not because he doesn’t like children, but because he isn’t sure how they’ll react to him. Hates the thought of someone you love being afraid of him.

★ But then he meets them, and they’re so sweet and cute and friendly, and Thomas wonders why he was ever worried at all.

★ They bond instantly. Pretty soon they’re inseparable, which surprises you as much as Thomas. He loves sitting with them in his lap, and it’s a surefire way for your kid to fall asleep instantly.

★ He’s a little glad they’re too young to understand or ask about his mask. It’s a relief that they don’t seem to care, or even realise there’s anything different about him.

Jason

★ Oof. He’s never been around kids, not since he was one, and that didn’t end so well. So Jason is terrified the entire time. Especially if you’re kid is the curious type.

★ Keeps his distance at first. You’ll need to urge him forward, taking the lead so he doesn’t have to.

★ But with time, Jason adjusts. You’re kid is just too sweet to stay away from! He quickly learns just how fantastic they are, and it has him wishing they had met earlier.

★ It has him thinking about what he’s missed out on though. He can never have children of his own. Can never call himself a father since your kid can’t exactly tell people his mother is dating the Camp Blood killer.

Vincent

★ You have a kid? oh, no no no. Why would your child want to meet him? Won’t he just frighten them? Vincent is completely against the idea of meeting your kid, purely because he doesn’t know what to expect.

★ Except your kid adores him. They practically fling themself at Vincent, eager to say hello. He’s tense the entire time, but so relieved it went well.

★ After that, Vincent is constantly asking you to bring them over. He practically adopts your child after the first day, despite his nerves. Your kid is his now, and you’re happy to agree.

★ Loves seeing you two together. You’re both so cute, and you clearly adore them. He won’t admit it, but it has him pining for more children. Wouldn’t your kid look so cute with a little sibling?

[broken-n-discarded]

Narcissists just keep moving

I was thinking about this lately, how narcissists keep moving like you don't exist while you are left wounded and struggling to keep going. Some days I find myself wishing that I could be as cold as my narcissist ex and forget he exits and keep moving. I also blame myself a lot for what has happened to me, I think I was too nice, to forgiving, to naïve, to deeply in love to see reason. I have been here before with him, broken and left behind for another woman. Over 16yrs ago when we were first in a relationship, he lied and manipulated me and then left me for another woman. I was young and had no clue what a narcissist was or that there was even such a thing as narcissist abuse. In fact if it had not been for joining tik tok, I would have still not know what he was or what he was doing. I was always so confused by the things that he did and his reactions and sudden disappearances. His words and actions never matched. Nothing made sense and he would explain away so many things. We even stayed in contact after the devastating break up the first time. My mind convincing me that it was better to have a little bit of him in my life rather than nothing at all. It hurt especially when he married the woman he had left me for. 

After he was married I did my best to stay away, I would hide myself online from him although I would check up on his social media from time to time to see what he was up to and looking for cracks that his life was not the fairy tale he wanted me to believe that it was. It was hard, I would hear from him out of the blue usually once a year until finally I got the courage to cut him off completely because he wanted to talk daily instead of yearly and I knew he was married and that nothing good could come from that. The 2 yrs without him in my life at all felt like I was treading water, hoping that he would find me. It was the weirdest feeling that I could not understand why I felt like I needed him to live even though I knew he was not the nicest person and had gone out of his way many times to put me down or make me feel bad about myself or anything that I perceived as an achievement. Those 2 yrs were so hard and finally I couldn't take the silence and not knowing anymore and I had to find him. It didn't take long, there he was on Instagram. I thought about it for a month before finally reaching out. He answered instantly and it felt like a hole in my heart was immediately filled and  I could breath after holding my breath for so long. He was so happy to have me back and he missed me so much and I missed him. I thought I had my friend back and that I was strong enough to keep it on a friend level, but I was not. I over estimated my strength and underestimated his charm and  within a month he had pulled me back in with confessions of a broken marriage and years of regret that he had not picked me. It all felt like a dream and I was shook. 

Not to long after he claimed to have left his wife and we started to talk more about us and if we really wanted to be together and get to know each other again after so long. It was a long distance reconnection because he lives in England and I live in California. I wish I had of known at this time that he was a narcissist and that I felt all the things I felt after years of being trauma bonded to him. That all those things were from his manipulation and charm, but I didn't know and what followed was 2 years of lies, future faking, cheating, disappearing, lots of anger on his part and finally him leaving me for a new woman. In the end I found out that the first year we were together that he actually was still very much with his wife (the time difference and distance made that easy I suppose) so he was carrying on a long distance relationship with me while still being a husband and father. He was so good at lying and covering his tracks, although I would question him a lot he always had a good answer or reason or excuse for everything. How I found out he had been lying it was by accident when his wife’s Instagram popped up on my suggestions list and I was curious and clicked. Suddenly I was flooded with pictures of him on trips with her and their kids all the times that he would disappear or be less talkative which he would blame on work or being a single father. When confronted he never once apologized but said instead that I should have known what he was doing and put all the blame on me for not being smarter. I should of cut him off then and there but something in me could not and we carried on as friends. Eventually he softened towards me again and for a month said that he was still in love with me and that he would leave his wife for me eventually I just had to wait. 5 months later however, his wife caught him messaging her sister and she ended the marriage because she didn't believe that it was only messages. He had told me about talking to the sister, but he had such a good story for that, or at least I convinced myself it was a good story. I warned him to not talk to her (embarrassingly more out of jealously than for his wife sake) but he didn't listen because he knew I was jealous and it eventually broke his marriage. I now see that he triangulated it that he would get caught so his wife could end the marriage and he could claim he was merely helping a woman in distress and his wife the “monster” wouldn't listen to reason. A week later we were back together because stupidly I let my eagerness for him to be mine overpower logic and reason. It was good 2 months of daily video chats, assurance that he was really split this time with picture proof and numerous phone calls (all things he denied me before). Sadly it did not last long.

After 2 months he started to be cold, mean and distant. He was always at his ex wifes house or at some new lady that he had claimed was a friend through his sons. The single mother of one of their friends to be exact. Suddenly I was accused of not trusting him and being paranode and crazy because he would spend the night at both ladies houses and shut off his phone or block me off and on to be with them. I was so confused how his love could disappear over night. After so much time of claiming I was the one and how much he loved me in spite of all the pain he was inflicting on me with lies and cheating. That month our 3rd and last together ended with him fighting daily with me for time alone with the new lady and me begging him to understand why that was wrong and to either let me go or act nice again. Finally he just ended it. I was devastated and so confused. The month that followed that was me asking what happened trying to figure out the lies and why he was doing what he was doing and keeping me around and in his life if he was going to be like this. No answers were really given and the ones that were made no sense. It was horrible I was broken trying to figure out what happened and he was running around with lord only knows how many women at that point. He would still disappear and block me on occasion and turn off his phone. 

Dec of last year was the worst part, he would still tell me that there was hope for us that he just need some time to think, so of course not really understanding and hopelessly in love I stayed around. Out of the blue after about 2 years of asking he finally let me follow his Instagram and low and behold there was a woman posting comments that made her sound like she was his gf. Apparently this was triangulation ( I didn't know that at the time) this of course set me off emotionally and hurt so much, he got mad that I was hurt and used that to disappear for a week to punish me for being upset that he had a new woman in his life after he swore he didn't. When we finally started to talk again I stupidly had to apologize for being hurt (he hated when I felt anything, was always angry when I would tell him he hurt my feelings). We started to talk like friends again and even discussed me going to visit him ( I failed to mention that he had claimed he wanted me to move to England to be with him from the beginning of him claiming to be separated from his wife and this last time we had looked at houses together so I could move to be with him in January). He made it seem like we were back on track all the way up to the day he cut me out of his life. He got angry with me on a Saturday because when I texted him after I woke up like usual he didn't answer and finally at like 2am his time he wrote back saying he had been driving all night to clear his head. I knew it was a lie because he had told me the day before how bad the roads were with snow and he always hated driving at night. I called him on it and asked if it was really a date he blew up and that was it. The next 2 days he would not reply to my texts and finally I asked what was happening that he was acting weird and he simply texted “sorry, busy, message later” and that was it. With those 4 words he was gone and I was devastated. 

Weirdly enough he still follows me on Instagram and I still follow him but he never posts, when I do he doesn't write or like them and when I try to comment on his or write him a message they go unanswered. I am pretty sure that I am restricted, why he doesn't just block me I don't know. He now has a new gf, the 3rd since me but this one is the one that gets everything he denied me and has been introduced to his family. I put it all together and figure that he cut me out of his life to avoid all the questions that would I would ask just like with his gf after me. Cutting me out saved him the annoyance of being accountable.

I found out about narcissist's on tik tok while scrolling to distract myself from the silence and everything they described sounded like him and made so many things make sense. Sadly knowing what he is doesn't make the pain go away. It was all real for me, and just realizing that it was all a game to him is devastating. The horrible thing is that even as write this and am aware that he is a monster and only cares about himself, I still very much love this man. I know that it is a trauma bond and for the last month I was franticly trying to find a way to reach him, but then I realized how crazy that did make me seem. Its weird how narcissist's can cause you to act and do things you would never have thought possible. That they rewire your brain and take away logic and reason so slowly and strategic that you don't even recognize yourself when they leave you. I tell myself some days that his new relationship wont last, they never do and when they end, he usually comes back looking for me, I think I do this to try and comfort myself some how. Before I knew what he was this always seemed romantic that he couldn't get over me like I couldn't get over him, sadly I now know that I am just an easy supply target for him and that is why he always came back. I want to heal from this and not be his target anymore but my brain still hears his words and promises echo like a ghost that haunts me and I feel paralyzed. Its not fair that a narcissist burns down you and your world and moves onto a next like nothing while you are left lost, confused, paralyzed and broken. Some days I still find myself questioning if he really is a narcissist, but apparently that is normal as a survivor who is still trauma bonded. I hope this trauma doesn't last forever.