#i think about wilhelm so much he is baby. baby boy. baby.

[mcmorare]

since district partner discussions are going around. OH BOY LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO WILHELM.

wilhelm was a few months older than katrina, and the second child of 4 siblings - his sisters' names are irena, lucja, & sabina. his family was tight-knit, and he and his sisters were very close. their home was warm, full of laughter. he and his eldest sister, lucja, were always very protective of the younger two, and would regularly put their names in for more tesserae instead of irena & sabina's. any of the siblings would have volunteered for each other in a second if they were able - but he couldn't have volunteered for any of them, and when it came down to it, they had to stand and watch as his name was called. he was full of hope, of light. he was gentle. it confused katrina, at first - why is he being so nice? what's his angle? how is he benefitting from this strategy? it took her almost the full week to realize it wasn't a strategy. at the beginning of the games, she was torn. finding him in the arena would give her an ally, but if he was going to die, she didn't want to see it. if it came down to it, she didn't know if she could be the one to do it. they ran into each other on the third day, and stuck together after that. when she injured her hands, he sat with her and tried to clean them up, wrapping them in strips of fabric they ripped from what supplies they had managed to gather. he died on day 6. she saw it all. when she returned to 7, she almost broke down seeing his family at the station. seeing the looks on his sisters' faces. knowing he could have been coming back instead.

in every verse that katrina and wilhelm meet, he is always one of the kindest people she's ever met, and gives her an example of truly good people existing even in the darkest period of her life. and he always dies in front of her.

[theheadlessgroom]

https://www.tumblr.com/beatingheart-bride/720247935957450752/beatingheart-bride-theheadlessgroom

@beatingheart-bride

“Emily...” Wilhelm began, taken aback by her apology: It wasn’t that he didn’t think she was being honest when she said this (he had no reason to doubt her), it just...struck him, really, that she was apologizing for something he felt she needn’t apologize for!

“You...you didn’t know any different!” he blinked, once the initial surprise had worn off. “I-I mean...it’s just how you were raised! I-I know you didn’t mean anything by it, you were just...doing what you were taught!” To fault her for that would be like faulting the fox for eating the rabbit-she was simply doing what all sirens had done before her to survive. “Y-You don’t need to apologize, really, lass...

…but I appreciate it anyhow,” he smiled, patting her shoulder in an effort to comfort her; he could tell that the topic of her past diet was one that discomforted her to look back on. “I-I don’t...I don’t fault you for it, lass, I really don’t. I...I know you were just doing it not be cruel, not the way they showed it in the stories, you were just...just living your life the way you were raised to. I can’t be angry at you for that.���

After a brief pause, he said, “When I was a lad, back in Ireland, we kept chickens...and, of course, the foxes used to try and get into the henhouse and eat them, which frustrated my family and I, we spent a lotta time chasin’ ‘em off. And it was hard, because we lost more than a few chickens to ‘em, but as frustrating as it was, my pa reminded my brothers and I that they weren’t doin’ it to be pests, they needed to eat too. We didn’t have to like it, but...we had to accept it as a part of life and nature. So...that’s how I’m tryin’ to see it-you needed to eat, and you went about it the way you knew best; probably how your folks knew best, and their folks, and...so on. So...I appreciate the apology, Emily, but...I understand. Really, I do.”

[the-amber-fox]

Young Royals Fic Rec List 2023

The holidays are coming early for this lovely fandom. I present you my favourite fanfics from this year to tide us all over until season 3.

Canon / Missing Moments

a running start (T) by This_time_its_just_me It’s so surreal to see him standing here in the Palace, in the Royal apartments where Wille had grown up through all the good and the bad of his life. It’s an image he couldn't have imagined, not in the sheer unremarkable and yet truly remarkable way it feels in reality. Sure he’d conjured up images of him, ghosts of memories and fantasies tangled together in a love-sick teenager's ache of loss. However, this is him here, pragmatic and tangible and real and it’s just difficult to wrap his mind around it.

Post Canon (maybe)

The equation of you Whiterabbit11 Simon is hurt and unconscious at the local hospital. Rosh watches, Ayub sleeps, and Wille is not happy.

All my loving (I will send to you) (M) @pagegirlintraining „Especially now that they’d been happily dating again for nearly ten months, Simon could’ve easily just teased Wille about being a drama queen and then kissed the pout off his lips. He didn’t, though. Instead, he kept staring at Wille’s handwriting, usually scrawly but now tidy and precise, feeling his heart slowly break for the sad, lonely boy who’d written and never sent this letter all those months ago.”

Baby, We Are Front-Page News (M) Ripki When Wille says, it was me, in front of the whole school – in front of the whole world – Simon feels simultaneously light with joy and leaden with trepidation. Once again, he is suddenly thrust from obscurity into spotlight, from normalcy into absurdity. He is certain though that together he and Wille can face anything. However, that is soon put to test, when a hurtful article about Simon hits the press.

no need for verbier (NR) starrystoryteller simon finds out about verbier

Fix Its

The daisy follows soft the sun (G) @romanticalrj Simon has two dark red seeds inked into his skin just below his belly button. He has always had them. He doesn’t remember a time when he looked into the mirror and that pair of burgundy seeds weren’t staring back at him. To Simon, the marks are an obligation. He doesn’t ever want to be tied to someone in this irreversible, caging way. But, as in most things in his life, Simon doesn’t get a choice. The seeds sit and sit on his belly for years, ignored and hidden and resented.

AUs

Ivy (M) unfortunate17 Wilhelm raises his eyebrows as well. “Pirate Captain Simon Eriksson.” He watches as Simon swallows, stepping forward to set the coins down on the countertop. He still smells like the ocean, Wilhelm notes vaguely, like sunshine and sea-salt. Ayub looks between the two of them, alarm twisting across his features until Wille sighs. “I’m not here to arrest anyone.”

obviously (M) grapehyasynth In their final year of secondary school, Simon and Wille find themselves entering a potent, secret relationship that threatens to upend both their lives. It can't last, but neither can they stop being a part of each other's lives. Over the next few years, even as everything around them changes, even as they hurt and lose each other, they keep finding themselves drawn together. Normal People AU.

Can you see me now? (T) kimmeke wilhelm needs eye surgery and has no one to help him with his recovery. he turns to his only option left: his next door neighbor simon

You're Still the One (M) queerfrogprince Simon and Wille meet on tumblr as teenagers, but when they lose contact, Simon doesn't think he'll ever hear from Wille again, much less bump into him in a supermarket in Stockholm one random afternoon. It's been five years, after all. He barely even thinks about Wille anymore. But, it seems, Wille never stopped thinking about him. Maybe it's not too late to rekindle what they had at fifteen, after all.

Hetero of the Year @girls-are-weird Prince Wilhelm is nominated for the Hetero of the Year award at the QX Gay Gala. In response, he freaks out. Simon, his popstar friend who's been pining for him for the better part of a year, worries this might mean Wille's secretly homophobic. After all, what other reason could there be for him to get so upset?

Slightly unhinged - but so worth it

Sorry this is awkward, I didn’t mean to airdrop that to you (T) @piebingo Wille accidentally airdrops his own fanfiction to a stranger in the library. (Written for the yr week 2023, the prompt of day 2: Alternate Meeting)

fighting dragons with you (T) burntromacesea “You have another knight in shining armor come to rescue you from my evil clutches and my murderous dragon,” Simon comments blandly, handing his husband a cup of coffee, “he should be here by this afternoon.” https://archiveofourown.org/works/45092605

Simon-Appreciation-Posts (T) DrogonTheDragon Wille didn't mean for it to blow up as it did. He didn’t.  … or Wille makes a secret Simon Eriksson fan account and it gets a lot more attention than he intended.

Of Dinosaurs, Unicorns and the Perfect Proposal (G) @groenendaelfic Five-year-old Wilhelm steals his Mamma’s engagement ring to propose to Simon. Linda questions her life choices.

E - Rated

One, two, three, four, five, sex on my mind (E) pagegirlintraining, TheAmberFox When Wille first sees Simon, the rest of the world simply fades away. Which would be romantic and all, if it didn’t lead to him blindly stumbling into the sex shop Simon works at. Once he figures out his mistake, it’s already too late. But Wille wouldn’t be Wille if he let that stop him from pursuing the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen. If only things didn’t keep getting in the way of his plans…

Fuck the Monarchy (E) itsme_hi_imtheproblem Simon and Wille get stuck with each other when they both intern at the riksdag. Wille is intent to just get this dreaded thing over with. Simon can't believe he of all people has to work not only with an old conservative but with the literal prince. Both are surprised by the inexplicable and inevitable pull they feel towards each other.

say my name, say it loud (E) margosfairyeye (Skittery) The argument scene in the locker room in s02e04, but this time there's sex. (inspired by how much I thought there was going to be a spicy scene when I saw Simon come out in that towel)

Three Floors Down (E) emerybemery Simon hates how he can’t keep his eyes off Wille whenever he sees him. He hates how Wille seems to stare back at him with a borderline intoxicating intensity.

A Marvellous Time Ruining Everything @earlgrey-lateatnight Henry accidentally witnesses an intimate moment between Wille and Simon. How will they deal with the fallout?

The darker stuff Watch out for the trigger warnings and tags.

when you find me, let me in (G) paintersong Simon winced with guilt as Wille’s wide eyes traced his laptop. “Crown Prince Wilhelm Denies Involvement in Viral Sex Video” glared back, and Wille blinked, stepping away from the screen, away from Simon, away from the sting of betrayal.

Everybody loves you now (M) lc2l International pop sensation Simme has announced on Instagram that he will be celebrating the end of his sold out world tour with five consecutive shows in Stockholm starting TONIGHT and running through the week. This will be his first extended stay in Sweden in four years, since he graduated from high school and flew to L.A. to sign a record deal. And what is Wilhelm supposed to do with that.

In Another Life (E) @ungaroyals Wilhelm never returned to Hillerska after winter break, and he has spent his entire life regretting it. Nearly a decade later, he runs into Simon. He had hoped he'd successfully moved on from his feelings after all these years, but clearly, he was wrong. The two spend a passionate night together, expecting it to be their last. That is until it happens a second time when the two come arrangement that suits both their needs. Friends with benefits? No, they'd have to actually be friends for that to be the case. So this is it for this year. I must confess I did not have time to read everything. So if you have things that are missing in this list put them in the comments please. I also don't know everyones tumblr, so feel free to share with your mutuals.

The list from 2022 you can find here

[pagegirlintraining]

✂️🎵 for dancing through life pls? 💜

Thank you Lia 💜 it’s been ages since I’ve gotten to talk (or honestly think much) about DTL. So answering this ask was such a nice throwback.

I’ll start with the shorter answer, which is ♬ THEME SONG: pick a fic and I’ll share a song that reminds me of it (and why!):

There are so many possible songs for this one, simply because of all the routines. But one that isn’t directly involved in it but still reminds me of it is “Power” by Spinall, because the original plan for the epilogue was to let them perform a street dance choreo to this song. Obviously in the end I went less ‘fuck the monarchy’ and more ‘dreamy, fluffy boys in love’. But I still think they’d have killed that choreo.

As for the deleted scene, I picked the moment Simon learns about Wille’s obsession with the ship edits people keep making of them. Featuring Erik being a shithead of course 😁 this is set in chapter 11, during the night of their dinner where Simon first meets Erik as Wille’s boyfriend.

The sound of laughter coming from the saloon made Wilhelm stop, his hand halting its movement right above the door handle in favor of listening for a moment.

It wasn’t like he’d necessarily been worried about leaving his brother and his boyfriend alone for the five minutes it had taken him to use the bathroom. Still, having this audible proof that they were getting along splendidly without him flooded his chest with so much warmth, he had to give himself a moment to process it. To really dwell in this feeling of pure, utter love he felt for the two men whose laughter had morphed more into a series of giggles on Erik’s part and several snorts on Simon’s now. Only then did he let himself press down the handle.

“You need to see this, baby,” was the first thing out of Simon’s mouth the moment he clocked Wilhelm’s presence, an outstretched hand waving Wilhelm over in a gesture so entirely adorable, he thought for a moment his heart was going to entirely melt inside his chest. Erik made sure to prevent that from happening.

“Oh, don’t worry. He’s probably seen all of these already”, he was saying, and from the devilish gleam in his eyes, Wilhelm knew instantly that that couldn’t possibly be a good thing for him.

“What are you watching?” he asked, unable to fully suppress an air of apprehension. In response, Simon simply repeated the same gesture with his hand, and this time, Wilhelm followed his request, stepping over to the sofa holding him and Erik, his hand immediately finding Simon’s shoulder, thumb brushing the side of his neck as he peered over it and onto the laptop screen on Simon’s legs.

He was only mildly surprised when he found a picture of his own face there, an official one that the Let’s Dance Instagram account had used to announce his and Simon’s partnership on the show, albeit airbrushed in a way that made it seem like he was exuding a white glow. There wasn’t much time to wrap his head around this, since his gaze was caught quickly by another face beside his own, this one Simon’s, just as ridiculously airbrushed. He had also clearly been cropped out of the original photo in order to stand closer to Wilhelm, in a way that left them both smiling right at the camera, their photoshopped temples nearly touching.

“Vote for #TeamWilmon” the caption above said, with a whole rainbow made of hearts and two crowns behind it. Yeah, he definitely knew why Erik had been laughing now. And knowing his brother, the next few minutes, if not hours, were bound to be majorly embarrassing for Wilhelm.

“It seems people have decided that we have a team name now,” Simon was saying, clearly oblivious to his inner turmoil, “There’s a whole hashtag and it’s apparently been trending on and off over the last few weeks.”

“Oh. How, uh, supportive of them.”

“They’re really creative, too”, Simon continued, apparently too engrossed in this new discovery to notice Wilhelm’s abysmally hidden embarrassment. “This one person made a compilation of you tripping in practice and told people to vote if they wanted to see the monarchy fall.”

“That… that’s actually pretty clever”, Wilhelm got out, feeling himself relax a little bit. He could handle Simon potentially teasing him about falling down in practice. Lord knew he was already doing plenty of that, and eight times out of ten, Wilhelm got a kiss or two as an apology afterwards. So honestly, he didn’t mind that part in the least. What he was much more nervous about was Erik tattling on him and telling Simon how he’d been actively watching different kinds of videos about himself and Simon lately. So much so that his entire for you page was now basically one big collage of ‘Wilmon’. Because yeah, people were very creative when it came to putting together different combinations of clips of the two of them to all kinds of dramatic and sometimes cutesie music. And sue him, but a lot of times, that combination really worked for him.

Any tentative hope of getting out of this mostly unharmed was crushed the moment Erik cleared his throat, adding a low chuckle eight after.

“I’m surprised you haven’t seen any of these before, Wille. Then again, you’re more partial to the couple montages, aren’t you?”

“The couple montages?”

Of course, Simon would’ve jumped right on that. Wilhelm’s eyes squeezed shut in a pained expression all by themselves. When he opened them again, Simon had shifted on the couch, now fully turned back to face Wilhelm.

“You’re making couple montages?”

And okay, with how not at all weirded out - and maybe even slightly excited - Simon sounded asking this, Wilhelm suddenly felt almost bad that that wasn’t what he’d been doing.

“Not, uhm… not exactly.”

“He’s binging ship edits of the two of you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d made a fan account himself at this point.”

Yup, leave it to his big brother to ruin his life.

“You’re completely exaggerating”, he claimed, trying to come off as somewhere between amused and nonchalant rather than as panicked as he suddenly felt. Because what if Simon thought that was a ridiculous, or even creepy thing for him to be doing? What if he disapproved of the whole ‘shipping real people’ aspect of it all and would get mad at Wilhelm for not actively opposing it?

“Oh, am I?“ If anything, Erik’s grin had widened since Wilhelm’s last comment, which kind of made him regret not simply keeping his mouth shut. “So you’re saying if I were to check your Tiktok likes right now, there wouldn’t be anything from, say, last night, when you insisted on going to bed early only to then proceed to watch videos without your headphones until way past midnight?”

“Fuck off, Erik. I was watching a movie and fell asleep in front of it.”

It wasn’t even a lie. He had put on an old comedy for background noise that he’d ultimately ended up dozing off to. There was no actual way for Erik to know that he’d been more focused on the compilation of their rehearsal packages he’d been watching on his phone at the same time.

“Sure, stay in denial”, Erik told him now, his tone of voice making it very clear that be wasn’t actually planning on letting Wilhelm stay in denial about this. And really - “I just thought your boyfriend should know how big of a fan you are of your rela-“

That’s as far as he got before Simon surprised both of them by asking, “Do you have a favorite?”

It took Wilhelm a moment to even grasp the meaning of the question. When he did, he still felt like he needed to check again.

“You mean, like… a favorite edit?”

“Exactly.”

To his utter surprise, Simon was smiling up at him warmly, one hand coming to cover Wilhelm’s on the back of the couch, thumb beginning to draw slow patterns onto the back of it.

“I’ve only seen some of the ones that Rosh has sent me, but I’d love to know which ones you like. You know, just for, like, inspo, if I ever miss you and feel like checking some out.”

His cheeks had started to take on a slightly pink tinge toward the end, but just like the incredibly brave man Wilhelm knew him to be - god, he was so much braver than Wilhelm himself ever would be - he didn’t seem to even think about averting his eyes, or playing anything off with a stupid joke. No, his loving, wonderful boyfriend was looking right at Wilhelm with a soft smile and eyes that sparkled with open curiosity. And holy fuck, Wilhelm was so completely gone for him.

“I’ll show them to you later if you want,” he offered, and suddenly, it was the easiest thing. Because why not own the fact that he liked watching clips involving him and his beautiful boyfriend if it made Simon so obviously happy, and even a little bit giddy?

“”I’d love that”, he was telling Wilhelm now, smile deepening as he continued to stare up at him, their gazes irrevocably caught in one another.

“Urgh, you’re no fun”, Erik groaned next to them, but Wilhelm didn’t even need to look at him to know that he, too, was suppressing a genuine smile, even as he continued, “If you’re gonna keep doing whatever this is, I think I’ll call it a night now.”

“Night, Erik”, Wilhelm quipped without once taking his eyes off Simon, whose hand had now started to travel over his wrist and up his arm, leaving a string of goosebumps in its wake.

“Unbelievable,” he heard Erik mutter, but couldn’t find it in himself to mind the teasing he knew this would lead to in the future even a single bit.

I hope you like it and it feels in tone with the story. It really has been so long since I tried getting into DTL Wilhelm’s head (and writing him as Wilhelm. The amount of Wille’s I had to change in this one, rip me 😂) Anyway, thank you so much again for the ask, and giving my hectic brain something to be nostalgic about today 🥹💜

[groenendaelfic]

I have quite literally not stopped thinking about the basket baby snippet since you posted it! I'm happy to wait but can I be cheeky and ask for any more tidbits, how ever tiny, about the basket baby fic? Like baby name reveal, another snippet, chapter 2 outline...anything at all please I will give you my first born child! (I am amypond on ao3 btw - happy for you to publish this ask)

ah basket baby! Thank you for not forgetting, and of course you can always ask. I love basket baby. One day it will even be born. Why oh why can't I write fic full time, I would be so much more productive and efficient 😅

For a few very foolish seconds Simon considers naming the baby Wilhelm.

He loves Wilhelm and he misses him, can't imagine what he must have been going through this past year, alone safe for the very much not amused Royal Court, no doubt at some estate hidden away in the countryside, not even allowed the familiarity of his own rooms.

He also hates Wilhelm. For not finding a way to tell him, to have them be together, because surely, surely it can't be that impossible, can it?

Except of course it can. Simon's mom was accosted by Royal Court lawyers at work, and that was them being nice. It is exactly that impossible.

Tears spring to his eyes. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. It'd hurt to much. It'll hurt anyway, holding the baby in his arms, knowing it's the only part of Wilhelm he'll ever get to hold again.

He already loves the child more than his own life, and the more he looks at the tiny, scrunched up face getting ready to cry, the more he can see Wilhelm reflected in it.

He shifts his grip, pulls the baby closer and hums a melody he hopes is soothing. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. The baby is not Wilhelm, and it deserves better, deserves its own name. One which isn't a constant reminder of its unreachable parent.

Not that he'd be allowed. No matter how popular the name Wilhelm in all its forms has remained in Sweden ever since Wilhelm was born. The Royal Court would not allow it, and Simon can't risk angering them before the baby isn't officially his and he has the paperwork to prove it.

So not Wilhelm then, he thinks, as the baby bursts into tears. Simon would give anything to be able to cry along, to crumble and break, but he's a father now and his child comes first, even if he has no clue what to do.

He just put on a fresh diaper with the patient help of his mom and it can't be time for another bottle.

"He can sense that you're upset," his mom explains when he asks, and oh doesn't that suck.

He doesn't put the baby back in its basket however, nor does he hand it to his mom. Instead he cuddles it closer and starts humming again.

His precious, precious child. His and Wilhelm's.

A tear rolls down his face. He's hurt and angry and scared, hating the Royal Court and the world and everything for being so absolutely, thoroughly unfair.

Everything except his baby, who is innocent and beautiful and perfect.

It didn't ask to be born, and certainly not into a family like this, to a legacy like this. The monarchy is not its only legacy however, and suddenly Simon knows what he's going to call it.

Not a Swedish name. Nothing to tie it to the long line of ancestors who want nothing to do with it. Not Carl or Magnus or Gustav. Not Erik either, or at least not as a first name.

Something Spanish. Something to ensure his child will never consider itself an unwanted royal bastard too embarrassing to be acknowledged.

Something powerful. A reminder that he is also part Venezuelan, and that that is something to be proud of.

Yes. He'll name the baby after his maternal grandmother. There is no person living or dead he can think of who is stronger or more determined in the face of hardship than his abuela.

It will make her happy, it will make him happy, and if royals can do it, then he can do it, too. Only better and with less toxicity, less historical baggage to weigh it down.

He'll make sure no one will ever compare his precious baby boy to anyone. Will ensure he'll get to pave his own path however he wants. He loves his child, his and Wilhelm's, and whatever he can do to keep it safe he will.

"Alejandro," he tells his mother, and because he can't ignore Wilhelm's one single request adds, "Alejandro Erik Eriksson."

For a moment he considers using the Spanish version for Erik as well, if only out of spite, but that wouldn't be fair to Wilhelm. That, and it would remind him too much of his mom's favorite singer.

His mother bites her lip and nods.

It's the right choice. The only choice, and Simon can only hope little Alejandro will think so, too.

[peipurr]

sometimes I love to think of how the Generalfeldmarschalls are just .... human. beneath their military personality and after all the atrocities they may have done. and no, this isn't me justifying the n4zi's horrendous crimes, but sometimes I just think that people who wrote books abt them need to see that side of them too, like okay their military was great but c'mon, let's not forget about their interesting personality!

and some of the facts I often think are:

that my precious baby Model was a member of literary society during his youth excelled in Greek, Latin, and History (and some also say in Poetry — I wonder if he ever wrote a poem).

Von Leeb loved to collect stamps!!! and very fond of his family's chronicles.

There is a story in the Keitel Family that Wilhelm almost went to tears when he gave up his hope to become a farmer in order to stay in the military to support his family.

Von Reichenau was fond of German literature and classical music. He brought to the battlefield in the Polish campaign a small volume of a selection of German poetry.

Von Rundstedt loved detective thriller books but was shy to show it. He regularly read the novel in an open drawer which could be quickly closed whenever anyone came in to see him.

Rommel and Schörner's rivalry. David Irving wrote: "One of Schoerner’s frequent pranks was to plant silver cutlery from the mess in the pockets of guests at formal banquets and watch their embarrassment when the spoons and forks fell out. Rommel, when it happened to him, was not amused. Their rivalry persisted to the end. It was generally friendly, and once, after Schoerner had made a name for ruthlessness bordering on brutality in the Crimea ... Rommel solicitously took him aside and candidly urged him to try a different method."

Von Bock seemed to be very fond of boys —not in the negative way. In Sudetenland, he once "took his twelve-year-old son, dressed in a sailor suit, along in his car "to impress on his son the beauty and exhilaration that lie in soldiering."". In 1940, he sent a postcard to the same son, Dinnies von der Osten. Also, one of Fedi's last wishes to von Manstein was that he should take care of the 16 year old Dinnies after his death, which Erli did until his capitulation. Not that it matters, but Dinnies was not his biological son. It was his second wife's son from her previous marriage. I think it shows how much Fedi cared for the boy. Then, his diary entry on 8/9/39: " ... I was able to present the first Iron Cross of this war to a Private First Class of the 94th Regiment who acted bravely at Graudenz. The young man beamed; too beautiful these lads!". He's just ... adores his troops (and youngest stepson) so much :')

Wolfram von Richthofen always found studying language to be painful. His foreign language grades were either a borderline pass or an “unsatisfactory.” And "he was a somewhat indulgent father. When he returned home during the war years, Jutta would relate some minor misbehavior of the boys and ask that Wolfram, as their father, discipline them. Wolfram’s reply was usually something on the lines of “boys will be boys” and “they’re good kids—let’s give them a break.”". Then, Wolfram once described the Luftwaffe as “the army’s whore”.

Von Manstein's writing is something else. Even if he did lie about the breakout order in Stalingrad, I still enjoyed his memoirs, to be honest. His words are beautiful, the way he tells a story and the allusions — I got the impression that he was a highly educated person by reading Lost Victories.

Also, von Küchler and Busch's rivalry (which was bitter, unlike the Rommel-Schörner's one), which unfortunately I couldn't remember which book explained that and couldn't find it yet :(

Sources:

Hitler's Generals - Edited by Correlli Barnett

Generalfeldmarschall Wilhelm Ritter von Leeb: Tagebuchaufzeichnungen und Lagebeurteilungen aus zwei Weltkriegen

The Memoirs of Field-Marshal Wilhelm Keitel: Chief of the German High Command, 1938-1945 - Edited by Walter Görlitz

Same as 1

Lost Victories by Erich von Manstein

The Trail of The Fox by David Irving

Generalfeldmarschall Fedor von Bock: The War Diary, 1939-1945 || Manstein: Hitler's Greatest General by Melvin Mungo || World War: The Three Vons (Time Magazine, August 18th, 1941

Wolfram von Richthofen Master of The German Air War by James Corum || Stopped at Stalingrad: the Luftwaffe and Hitler's Defeat in The East, 1942-1943 by Prof. Joel Hayward

[archduchessofnowhere]

Who are all of the children of Maximilian in Bavaria and Ludovika in Bavaria? I only know Sisi

Hello! Sorry it took me so long, I’ve been putting together this answer for a while. This is a somewhat basic introduction to the siblings, since I didn’t want this post to be even longer than already is.

Duke Maximilian and Duchess Ludovika had a total of ten children, five girls and five boys. Their second son, Wilhelm Karl, sadly died at a month and half old, and their fourth son, Maximilian, was stillborn. The surviving eight children were (by order of birth): Ludwig Wilhelm, Helene, Elisabeth, Karl Theodor, Marie, Mathilde, Sophie and Maximilian Emanuel.

The eldest, Ludwig Wilhelm, born in 1831, was always known as “Louis” in his family. In 1858 he gave up his position as the future head of the Dukes in Bavaria branch in order to marry his mistress, former actress Henriette Mendel. He seems to have been somewhat difficult, at least judging by something Elisabeth told to her lady-in-waiting Countess Mária Festetics: “It is a good thing that Henriette is his wife, for anybody else would long since have left him, and he is happy with her.” What does this exactly mean I have no idea. Louis and Henriette had two children, Marie (born a year before her parents marriage) and Karl, who died as a baby. As was customary for Wittelsbach princes he did a military career, and in 1866 fought in the Seven Weeks War. We don’t really have much more information about him; many accounts about the Duke and his family that come after the Mayerling affair, in which his daughter Marie Larisch played a key role as the go-between Crown Prince Rudolf and Mary Vetsera, are heavily affected by the negative reputation that had befallen over her. His relationship with his sister wasn’t unaffected by this either, and he and Elisabeth became distant, though Elisabeth’s daughter Marie Valerie still wrote affectionately of her “Aunt Henriette”, so it may have been more out of a sense of awkwardness than Louis being directly blamed for the affair. He went to Elisabeth’s funeral, visibly affected by his sister’s death, and was one of the men who took her coffin to the Capuchin Crypt. A year after his wife’s death in 1891 he married actress Antonie Barth, forty years his junior. This marriage ended up in a divorce in 1913, after she had a child whom Louis claimed wasn’t his (I found some gossip articles about this on newspapers but that’s a whole rabbit hole I haven’t gone down yet). Ludwig Wilhelm died in Munich 1920, aged eighty-nine-years-old.

Born in 1834, the third child an eldest daughter, Helene, nicknamed “Nené” and “Lenza”, is probably the most known of Sisi’s siblings, and also the most misrepresented. She has gone down in history for being the disciplined, exemplary daughter that was groomed for years to become empress only to have “her fiancé” stolen by her younger sister. Except that none of this is true. In her old age Ludovika often complained that Helene had been a troublesome child who had caused her a lot of grievances. And it’s unlikely that Helene had ever expected, let alone been prepared, to become empress years in advance: not only there had been serious attempts to get Princess Anna of Prussia’s hand for Franz Josef in 1852 (why would they have done this if Helene was supposedly waiting in the wings to marry him?), but also when Ludovika was told that the emperor wanted to marry Sisi she became very emotional “for in her great modesty she had always doubted that the Emperor would really think in one of her daughters”.

By late 1857 Ludovika lamented that her daughter had pretty much become a spinster. But in the beginning of 1858 Helene met Maximilian, Hereditary Prince of Thurn und Taxis, and soon after he proposed. This marriage wasn’t well received by King Maximilian II, since the Taxis were subjects of the Bavarian king and therefore not equal to marry a Wittelsbach, but eventually King Max gave them the all-clear and they married. Reportedly the marriage was happy, but her husband sadly died only ten years later of an illness, and she fell into a deep grief. When Helene’s father-in-law died in 1871 she became the de facto head of the house of Thurn und Taxis until her son Maximilian reached the majority. Helene was sadly to suffer two more big blows in her life: in 1881 her daughter Elisabeth died of childbirth complications aged only 20-years-old, and in 1885 her son Maximilian died of cardiac problems aged only 24-years-old. Helene’s last years are said to have been very sad, since she never recovered from the untimely deaths of her husband and children. She died in 1890 at the age of 56, likely of cancer. At her deathbed were her two surviving children, Louise and Albert, and her sister Elisabeth.

The fifth child and third son, Karl Theodor, called “Gackl” by his family, was Elisabeth’s favorite brother. He seems to have been a very charismatic man, since everyone that met him had nothing but good things to say about him. In 1865 he married his first cousin Princess Sophie of Saxony, and they had one daughter, Amalie. Sadly Sophie’s health was severely affected by childbirth, and died over a year later of influenza. Like his elder brother he also did a military career starting from a young age, and fougth in the Seven Weeks War. However, afterwards he left active service and went to the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich, where he studied medicine. His studies were interrupted by the Franco-Prussian War, but he got his degree as a doctor in medicine, later specializing in ophtalmology. During this time Karl Theodor had remained a widower, but in 1874, seven years after his wife’s passing, he married Infanta Maria José of Portugal, daughter of the deposed King Miguel I of Portugal and seventeen years his junior. They had five children: Sophie, Elisabeth, Marie Gabrielle, Ludwig Wilhelm and Franz Josef. Gackl became a renowned oculist, and in 1895 he opened the Augenklinik Herzog Carl Theodor (Duke Carl Theodor Eye Clinic) in Munich, which exists to this day. He personally operated thousands of people, assisted by Maria José, and later also by his daughters. Karl Theodor died in 1909, a few weeks after his 70th birthday, from bronchitis.

While Helene is the most known of Elisabeth’s sister solely because everyone and their moms know the (incorrect) story of her being “rejected” by FJ, the sixth child and third daughter, Marie, is the most famous sister for her own merits. She was the last Queen of the Two Sicilies as the wife of King Francesco II, and has gone down in history for leading the resistance during the Siege of Gaeta, the last stand of the Bourbon dynasty in Naples. She was only nineteen when her husband finally surrounded, and lived in exile for the rest of her life. After ten years of marriage Marie and her husband had one child, Maria Cristina, who sadly passed away while still a baby. They tried to have more children, but all her pregnancies ended up in miscarriages. She spent the rest of her life traveling; when WWI broke she settled down in Munich, where she died aged 82 in 1925.

Marie has gotten an interesting reputation: she is either known for being the brave queen who stood up next to her troops until the end, or for being a haughty woman who deeply envied her imperial sister and lived full of resentment. The first is just one, although crucial, brief moment in her life; and the second is literally just what Mária Festetics, one of Elisabeth’s ladies-in-waiting, thought of her. Once I realized how little we actually knew about Marie, how much is just hearsay and speculation, she became fascinating to me, but sadly we still don’t have a good biography about her that uses primary sources instead of relying in gossipy second hand accounts.

Mathilde, called “Spatz” (Sparrow), is the sister we have the least information of. She and Marie were the closest of the sisters; they were always together, and would often even dress the same (as you can see in the Stieler portrait). In 1861 Mathilde married Prince Luigi, Count of Trani, half-brother of Marie’s husband, and joined her sister in Rome, were the Bourbons in exile had settled their court. The marriage turned out to be unhappy, since her husband was an alcoholic and cheated on her, though they did had one child: Maria Teresa, called “Mädi”, born in 1867. Mathilde and Luigi separated eventually, though she did went to his aid and nurse him when he was sick. But the person she dedicated her life was her daughter, who for many years suffered from poor health (likely sclerosis); Mathilde took care of Mädi until her death, aged only 42. She spent the last years of her life with her sister Marie, and died only months after her, in 1925.

The youngest daughter, Sophie, born in 1847, is probably the most “romantic” of the Wittelsbach sisters. Just like Helene she has gone down in history for being a “rejected bride”, though in her case, it’s actually true. She was briefly engaged to her cousin Ludwig II of Bavaria, and it was an absolute disaster: he had no interest in marriage (not really that surprising when you consider that he was gay) and often publicly snubbed Sophie; she in turn was absolutely miserable because she felt he was playing with her. Ludwig kept postponing the wedding until Sophie’s father, Duke Max, send him an ultimatum, to which the king responded by just canceling it. As if these months hadn’t been stressful enough for Sophie, during this time she also had an affair with Edgar Hanfstaengl, the son of the court photographer. I don’t really know much about this liaison, only that she was aided by two ladies-in-waiting in order to meet him in private and that some love letters she wrote to him have survived. But whatever the extent of her feelings, the relationship could never become serious, and one year later she married Prince Ferdinand of Orléans, Duke of Alençon, a grandson of King Louis Philippe I of the French. I don’t know if this marriage was ever a love match or if Sophie simply wanted to settle down for good after all her failed romantic experiences; whatever the case they did have two children, Louise and Emmanuel. The Orléans had been living in exile in England since the deposition of Louis Philippe, and only after the fall of the Second French Empire in 1872 were they allowed to return to France. This probably improved Sophie’s mood, since she had suffered from depression since her children’s birth, and the English weather didn’t make her feel better.

After the death of her former fiancé Ludwig II in 1886, Sophie fell ill and on advice of her brother Gackl she searched for a treatment in Munich under a Dr Glaser. But while he treated her she fell in love with her doctor, who was also married with children. This time Sophie didn’t want to give up her enamored, and did something unthinkable for a woman of her status in the 19th century: she sought for a divorce from Ferdinand. Sadly things didn’t work out for her, because her husband, on the advice of her brother Karl Theodor, retaliated by having Sophie interned in a mental clinic for “moral insanity”, where she suffered the appalling “treatments” for mental illnesses of the time. After seven months she was considered cured, and allowed to leave the institution. She never again tried to divorce.

Sophie dedicated the last years of her life to charity work. In 1897 she was one of the organizers of the Bazar de la Charité, an annual charity event held in Paris since 1885, and was in the place when an accident set it on fire, taking the lives of 126 victims. She was one of the victims of the fire, and although she had the chance to leave she refused she refused to abandon the Bazar until everyone else was out, guiding and helping people to find the exist until her last moments. She had been fifty-years-old.

Lastly the youngest child Maximilian Emanuel, nicknamed “Mapperl”, is the brother we know the least about. Born in 1849, he was only two years and a half younger than his sister Sophie, whom he was the closest to: they were often referred as “die Kleinen” (the little ones). As his eldest brothers he did a military career, and fought both in the Seven Weeks War (aged only sixteen!) and in the Franco-Prussian War. At Sophie’s wedding he met and fell for a cousin of the groom, Princess Amalie of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, which would have been great… if she hadn’t been already engaged to Prince Leopold of Bavaria. Here’s when things get a bit messy: according Briggitte Hamann, Elisabeth found out about the situation and decided to step in and free Mapperl’s beloved… by introducing her daughter Gisela to Leopold. Which is. Hmmm. A questionable thing to do. However, other authors claim that Elisabeth actually had nothing to do with that, specially considering that Mapperl’s wedding took place three years after Leopold and Gisela got engaged - if the goal was to make Amalie available, he definitely took his sweet time to make his move. One day I’ll look deep into it because I’m genuinely curious as to which is the truth; whatever the case, both couples had happy marriages, so good for them. Max Emanuel and Amalie had three sons: Siegfried, Christoph and Luitpold. Sadly Max Emanuel died quite unexpectedly in 1893 from an ulcer, aged only 43-years-old.

Again, this is only an introduction to the siblings, there’s far more information out there that I could possibly put in a single post. Thank you for your question! The Dukes and Duchesses in Bavaria are really interesting an I think they deserve the spotlight as much as their imperial sister.

[the-words-we-sung]

First impressions after watching season 3

So after being super patient all day yesterday, I finally managed to get back home and binge watch season 3 last night \o/ I'm just gonna put a few of my first thoughts here for now, I'm gonna need to rewatch everything to have more detailed and coherent thoughts 😁 But first of all, I wanna thanks Amber 💜 (@amailboxlemur) for being the best spectator and companion to my live reactions 😂 It was super duper nice to be able to share these with you while I was watching and going through all the emotions 😱 So I liked the season!! It was a lot a lot but I really enjoyed it!! It made me cry, it made me laugh, it made me blush... All the rainbow emotions 💜

Here is my reaction at the end of episode 5, and I think it sums up pretty well my feeling at that moment :p

So a few randoms comments (I will write more about each episode after rewatching them, which I intend to start doing tonight because I neeeeeed to watch it all again):

[It's not spoiler-free so don't read if you haven't watched the season yet!!]

⁂ Simon was incredibly sad this season and it broke my heart. Seeing him cry just made me cry. He was so lost and broken, I really can't wait for the last episode to see him get better (yes I'm an eternally optimist person so I believe he will be happier!!)

⁂ I wasn't expecting the Micke/Sara storyline but I think I liked it! It gave us a new perspective into the Eriksson family dynamic and I felt so so bad for Sara at the end

⁂ I loved to see Simon being truly angry at his sister!! Baby boy is so used to being nice and forgiving, so it was really refreshing to see him actually be mad and stand his ground about it!!

⁂ Wilhelm Wilhelm Wilhelm. My poor boy is a mess! He was so hopeful at the beginning, thinking he could finally have it all, but yeah it was obviously not gonna be smooth sailing. He's such a messy, broken, angry teenager this season and my heart cries for him. He ends up hurting Simon quite a lot but I cannot be truly mad at him. He's a broken boy trying his best :(

⁂ Which leads me to his family: arghhhhhh. So I was hoping that we would get some more info to understand Kristina at least a little bit, but she's just truly awful this season. And the Duke is not better. I hate them for how they behave with Wilhelm. And on a more personal note: I always saw my own mother in Kristina, but this season it's even more flagrant, and gosh does it make me mad for Wilhelm. His lashing out at them at the end of episode 5 was as painful as it was good to see. I've been in his situation. I've yelled like him too many times to count. So I hurt for him. He deserves so much better. Nobody should have these kind of people as parents :(

⁂ The Erik stuff made me so sad!!

⁂ The whole school situation was a bit frustrating at time but it was interesting to see the characters reacting to it all. Felice is a queen and deserves so much better than her "friends". And Vincent can rot in hell 😠

⁂ They're all incredible actors!! And the show is beautiful as usual. I am slightly disappointed with the music (no song captured me as well as the ones in season 1 and 2, but maybe I just need to watch the episodes a few times for that to happen ^^)

⁂ All the cute scenes between Wilhelm and Simon were just the best. Seeing them be silly boyfriends was the best. And yeah, the chemistry is still chemistrying hard between Edvin and Omar :p

I'm gonna stop my list of first reactions there, but I'll continue in more details episode by episode! Overall I think I like this season, though the ending killed me and the week to come is gonna be the longest week ever ^^' I am not really worried about the last episode. I trust the show. I do believe Wilmon will be endgame. And I think not everything will be wrapped up neatly but I do think the ending will be satisfying. So can't wait \o/

[theodoraflowerday]

young royals s3e5 episode reaction:

well I really hope the cliffhanger isn't horrifying bc this week is gonna be really fucking long

let's fuckin do this

"tired" and it's just him contending w the fact that erik might have been violently homophobic

i can excuse [rolls down a 6ft long papyrus] but I draw the line at being racist - august, probably

"family" LMFAO sure dumbass

seriously those girls are acting like sara and felice broke up (and I get it, friendship breakups are horrifying but damn)

"are you on something?" MY LITERAL FIRST QUESTION SKFISJFKSJFKDJF

I feel like micke is gonna die. idk.

his own letter? why?

oh. hello ludwig. i forgot what your voice sounded like.

"it's hard for her to show weakness" yeah well so it is for all of us. be a mother. show up for your son.

naaaaaaaaaaa volvete serio ludwig

wdym he was perfect. are you serious. do no adults in this show have the slightest bit of common sense?? you're talking to erik's spare my man. erik's little brother who now has to take on everything erik had to do. be the most fuckin for real rn

of fucking COURSE

"it'll be nice to celebrate you. and to meet simon too" ok that was sweet.

yeah wille being in the choir was starting to feel too weird skfjdkfjd

okay? calm your tits my man? simon hasn't said anything?

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????? HE'S LITERALLY DEFENDING ERIK?????????

oooooookay kristina jr.

ohhhh it was sara's locker. ok.

oh micke is dead isn't he

FELICE DOING WILLE'S NAILS AAAAAA

HE'S PAINTING THEM PURPLE SOULMATISM

also is this the writers acknowledging the nonbinary wille headcanons bc.......

I can't believe wille likes doing his nails. that's so fuckin nonbinary of him.

god I wish micke had been dead. that is SO much worse.

pls don't get into a car crash sara

linda honey no. it doesn't fit him perfectly it's goddamn huge on him.

love shouldn't be this hard I agree linda

oh fuck me

oh her little face sara no

oh sara is breaking my goddamn heart

WILLE'S PURPLE NAILS

wilhelm, why do you have nail polish remover in your room

MI WILLE I'M GONNA FUCKING BLOW MY BRAINS OUT

omg malin was willing to be bribed. back to fanon malin we go (after the shit show that was season 2)

WHY IS HE WEARING THE PYJAMA PANTS AGAIN SIMON

okay this is killing me inside. this is too much.

BECAUSE THERE'S A RISK OF POISONING SJFKDJFKJFDKFJDKFKFKFKDLRK

simon's FACE im

SHE CURTSIED @ SIMON

I know he must have felt disgusting sjfkdjfk

after pretty much 3 years of a polar opposite fanon interpretation I cannot *believe* I'm witnessing kristina and ludwig being genuinely happy about meeting simon. this is so insane

august are you staring at sara's boobs

oh a rolex

OH IS IT BECAUSE OF ERIK

IT IS BECAUSE OF ERIK OG FUCKKKKK

I missed sara and felice I'm ngl. I love my tiny baby girls

oh kristina is about to throw up isn't she lmfao

ludwig is being weirdly nice. this is so strange.

ludwig and simon chatting away while kristina is about to choke and die

hold on. IS kristina gonna die?

even during wille's birthday they can't stop yapping about erik. my god do royals genuinely only care about their firstborn? god

NOT DILF HUNTER SJROSUFOSIDOD

class bad boy slfjdlgj I think they had to have done that on purpose. I mean vincent didn't wanna give him the satisfaction of giving him another award. I can assure you.

august is such a *sad* character oh my god

I WISH I HAD DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY WITH YOU NAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW

oh of course she kissed him.

WHAT A SNITCH WTF

im

"please don't leave me alone with your parents like that again" honestly wille they could've eaten him alive

my god wilhelm you're being SO NASTY

OH HE'S GOING OFFF

oh ldkgldjgldjfldjffl

I can ASSURE YOU during my s2 liveblogging at one point I basically wrote "[points at ludwig] AND YOU" bc i was so fucking done with his bullshit skrjdlrkdlrkld

to hear wille going AND *YOU* is fucking sending me help

IT ISN'T EASY TO BE BOTH YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR BOSS OH FUCK OFF KRISTINA

I NOTICED BECAUSE YOU'RE SO USELESS AT BOTH HOLY FUCKING SWEET JESUS CHRIST

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

me rn:

my god this is the most cathartic shit I've seen in my life

OH AND SIMON IS WATCHING THE WHOLE THING

god

I knew the cliffhanger was gonna be that

but I didn't expect them to cry like that nor did I expect ME to cry like that

bro I'm sobbing I can't wait another week

[catierambles]

so I had a conversation with my mom. putting it under a Keep Reading because it touches on some subjects that might upset people

My mom called me crying yesterday saying that she had to leave a vacation with my nieces and their dad early because my eldest niece, Kaylynn, is turning into a carbon copy of her mother. Their mother who refuses to go to their track meets because she doesn't want to be bored. Who made my life a living hell growing up and told me to kill myself. Who none of us want anything to do with because of how much of a manipulative (but bad at it) rabid cunt she is. Who my parents completely disowned to the point where my mom gathered up every picture she had of her from baby onwards and burned them.

Apparently their mother has been telling Kaylynn that their grandma was a horrible mother and abused her and everything that's happened to her (Amanda) is her fault. It's bullshit. Amanda (their mom) takes absolutely no accountability for her own actions. It's all everyone else's fault, not hers.

My mom then asked me if she was a terrible mother and she told me to be honest. If you all know me, I have no problems with honesty if I believe the person needs to hear the truth. I won't lie to people, but as I've said many times before, I believe everyone should be honest, but there's a fine line between being an asshole and being honest and that is how you word things.

For example: If my room mate comes to me wearing a new dress or outfit and asks me how she looks, but it doesn't look good, I'm not going to tell her "You look like shit." I'm going to say "Not really your style, I'd go with something else." I still told her that I didn't think it looked good, but I wasn't an asshole about it.

Back to mom.

She asked me if she was a horrible mother and she told me to be honest. Now, in the past, whenever she asked me to be honest about something and then I was, I would get punished because I told her something she didn't actually want to hear. But I'm 1500miles away so fuck it.

I told her she wasn't terrible all the time. She had moments when she was a great mom, but there were a lot of moments when she wasn't. I told her that the reason why I hate asking for help, with anything, is because whenever I did I was yelled at, called stupid, and made to feel like an annoyance and a burden for asking.

Me: Hey, mom, what does this word mean?

Mom: OH MY GOD CATE JUST LOOK IT UP

She doesn't remember any of this.

I told her that she didn't want children. She wanted fully-formed mini-adults who she didn't have to raise and teach and guide because that was all done before, but she got children who she did have to put that effort into and it pissed her off.

My mom was physically abused when she was growing up, by her father and her step-father, beaten severely many times. She had to grow up and be an adult very quickly because that was expected of her as the eldest girl (my mom has 5 brothers and sisters, she's the oldest out of 3 girls, Wilhelm (Billy) is the oldest out of 3 boys). She wasn't allowed to be a child. So when she had children, she didn't know what to do so she fell back on how she was raised.

Now, before you reach for the pitchforks, my mom never laid a hand on us. That was my dads job But it's as if she thought that if she didn't hit us, she wasn't abusing us, but there are many different kinds of abuse. My mom was emotionally and mentally abusive. She was overbearing and overprotective. I didn't need anyone in my life, I just needed her. I didn't need friends, I just needed her. Then there were moments when I was honestly terrified of her. When she would scream at me over the little things until she was red in the face and I was crying, and then she would yell at me for "fake" crying.

My sister lied and said that I swore, she lied a lot to try to get me into trouble and it nearly always worked. My mom yelled at me to admit it, kept saying that I was lying when I said I didn't (because I didn't) and that would make her yell at me more for lying. It culminated in her pushing me to the ground. I told her she pushed me and she said "I didn't push you, you tripped." (gaslighting) My sister eventually fessed up that she only thought I swore and my mom dropped it. I never got an apology. I was 5.

Growing up, she would come into my room in the middle of the night to "check on me" but when she would step on something because my room was messy because I was a child, she would scream at me to wake up and make me clean my room. In the middle of night. Regardless if I had school the next day. This happened many times until she finally got sick of it and threw all my stuff away, ripping posters off the walls, throwing away books and stuffed animals. I tried to hide books in between my mattress and box spring so I would at least have something, my sister who was helping her found them, asked why I had books there and mom responded with "She's a slob, why wouldn't she have them there." She never stopped to think that maybe I was hiding them so they wouldn't get destroyed and why would I have to hide them to begin with.

When I was older and had a drivers license, she would ask me to go to the store, or do this or that, but it was okay if I told her no. If I did tell her no because I was tired from school or work, she would yell at me, calling me lazy and ungrateful, and then she would call my dad to tell him how lazy and ungrateful I was. I had the choice to say no, but god forbid I actually did, so I didn't really have a choice. I had the illusion of a choice.

When I told her that I was moving to Texas, she broke down into tears and begged me to stay because if I moved that far away, she wouldn't be able to visit me. I reminded her that when I was with my ex, living 15minutes away, she didn't visit me.

"But I could have!"

But you didn't.

"I'm not dying, mom, I'm just moving away."

"But it feels like you are!"

She tried to manipulate me into staying to spare her feelings, when being in that house with her was going to kill me. She wanted me to stay because she wanted someone to rely on her, when I haven't relied on her in years at that point. She tried to keep be close, but the more she tightened her grip, the more I pushed her away.

I left anyway because I needed to.

I told her all of this. Every last bit of it. Her response?

"I don't remember any of this."

"Well of course you don't, mom. For you it was Tuesday, for me it's a core memory."

"We were always such great friends when you were growing up."

"Yeah, when I wasn't terrified of you."

She had moments when she was honestly awesome, but then there were moments when she very much wasn't and I didn't think there was anything wrong with that because she wasn't horrible all the time, so that must be normal, right? Spoiler alert, no it isn't. It's not normal. You should never be terrified of your parents. You should never have to walk on eggshells around them for fear of them turning their anger on you. You shouldn't have to think about what you say to them and how you say it for every interaction because you know if you say it a certain way, you'll get screamed at.

Now before you say "Well maybe Amanda has a point." I want you to realize that I didn't turn out like she did. Nature vs Nurture. And also, Amanda was also incredibly abusive to me growing up and was one of my main tormentors (again, she told me to kill myself because no one would miss me anyway).

"Well, she was being bullied, so she bullied you. It's only natural."

Bullshit.

I was bullied. At home and at school and I never treated anyone how I was treated. I know what it's like so I make damn sure no one else feels that way because of me. I don't make other people suffer just because I suffered. I take accountability for my actions. If I fuck up, I own up to it and I make sure I don't do it again. With Amanda everything is everyone else's fault. She has never done anything wrong ever, never will, and if you say she has, it was someone else. No one else has ever experienced what she has in the history of the world and never will. She told our parents they didn't know what it was like to raise two girls and how difficult it was. I'm sorry, what? She said this to our parents who raised us (regardless of how) that they don't understand because they've never done it.

Amanda has some kind of psychopathy. She's malignantly narcissistic to the point where she hurts everyone around her to make everything all about her. She carefully crafts different personas depending on who she's talking to so she appears to be the best most wonderful person they've ever met in their entire life and when she's got their hooks in them and they're dependent on her, the real Amanda comes out.

She tries to manipulate people in her life, but again, she's bad at it, so it's pretty fucking easy to see through it if you know her. It's why we want nothing to do with her. It's why my parents disowned her. She fucks up and she tries to twist it around so it's actually someone else's fault and we should all hate them. They're the horrible person, not her, never her. She's perfect in every way, and if you try to say anything against her, you're evil and everyone should hate you too and she will try to get everyone to hate you.

But I digress

I told mom all of this (before the Amanda bit) and she thanked me for being honest with her. For not sugarcoating it. For straight up telling her "Yeah, you did your best, but your best was shit and it hurt us."

She asked me to forgive her, that she hoped that one day I would be able to forgive her for what she's done.

I'm not Amanda. I got down off that cross years ago, used the wood to build a bridge, and got over it.

I forgave her a long time ago and I told her that. She thanked me again, we talked for a few more minutes on some other things, and that was that.

If you made it this far, have a cookie.

[rollo-rolls]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by quite few people - thank you so much for thinking of me! However, it was some time ago and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to tag everyone, so I won’t do it at all, so I won’t overlook anyone of you!

1. Are you named after anyone? With my first name - no, but my second name is Maria, after grandmother.

2. When was the last time you cried? Today, actually. I have new meds and so my mood is on a swing.

3. Do you have kids? Nope.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Probably not.

5. What sports do you play/have you played? None, it requires other humans, so it’s not something for me xD

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? How they look at me/someone.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies!!!

8. Any special talents? I can recognize songs by first few notes.

9. Where were you born? In Poland in a city that will be forever associated with World War II.

10. What are your hobbies? SIMS, reading books, crosswords and making up scenarios that have 0% chance of happening.

11. Do you have any pets? Yes, my baby boy Wilhelm! He is a parrot - King Parrot.

12. How tall are you? 170 cm

13. Fave subject in school? English

14. Dream job? Having no job.

15. Eye colour? Something between green and blue.

I have no idea who did this and who didn’t, so I’m not going to tag anyone, but if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged!

[stay-xen]

Project: Eden's Garden

since i've seen several people post their opinions regarding the new danganronpa fangame's cast, why not join in since i finished the prologue?

spoilers for the prologue and predictions up ahead!

Damon Maitsu First of all, making the protagonist the ultimate debater is a really clever idea to make him lead the trials. also he's such a dick. i love him. he reminds me of early chapters byakuya and i want him to realise that he needs to trust the others to stay alive. very interesting approach for a protagonist imo

Eva Tsunaka My girl, i already love her. i feel like she'll make a grat 'rival' character, especially with her talent and animal motif. although wolfie might be the rival? not sure about it yet. i do believe that she will be alive for a while, maybe even sacrificing herself for the group in the end

Desmond Hall I trust him with my life. He has a SHARK motif, of course i'm going to trust him. he seems like such a good boy so i assume that he will become a victim sooner or later. if he ends up being a blackened i WILL cry

Eloise Taulner I am going to protect her with everything i have. very shy and anxious, i assume she will find strength eventually and become more confident, possible after losing somebody close to her? swan motif is very sweet for her :c

Toshiko Kayura My daughter is definitely compensating for being young, trying to be more mature than she is. i adore her getting flustered when called out, i hope that she will survive. she's a baby so pleaaase

Wenona step on me. i don't trust her, at all. she seems like a mirror for Damon, so my current guess is that she might become a blackened (or victim, either way i think it might involve cassidy)

Ulysses Wilhelm My useless son, i love him. he's so smart yet so dumb. please stay safe. current guess is first victim, sadly. idk he hasn't really done much yet :C

Mark Berskii I ADORE HIM i love his design and his attitude. "call the fire brigade, Grace" hasn't left my mind yet. such a simple line, yet i love him. strong connection to Jet already, i assume Mark will be a survivor that gets drive after Jet dies?

Diana Venicia Oh i wish i could trust you, love. something about her talent having to do with make up (covering up/identies, etc) and the chameleon motiv really makes me worry about her. i don't think she's the mastermind, but i believe she might be a blackened. maybe first chapter even?

Wolfang Akire i do not trust you but i will forgive you everything you do. this man has me in a chokehold and i'm not complaining. there's something about him being a 'wolf in sheep's clothing' i KNOW it and i can't wait to see it. his extreme sense of justice in the mock class trial was very interesting to see and i assume it will only be more extreme in actual trials. potential rival, i fear he will not survive. maybe a blackened, having to go against his principals for a certain motive? he's so polite though, especially to Eloise :c

Kai Monteago My fail son, my wet paper back, my beautiful butterfly. i saw him and fell in love, i can't wait to see more of this idiot. although i hope for character development, my current feeling is that he is going to die :c yet at the same time i can see him be a survivor (like hiro, souda being the clueless one, although i know they're not following the usual scheme)

Jett Dawson I've had this wolf for like 4 hours but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone in this academy and then myself. SO precious, SO dumb, i can't wait to see him get closer to Mark and ultimately get my heart broken. Current guess: victim

Ingrid Grimwall awooga. strong woman yes. on a serious note, i like that she's rather feminine and still strong, but i haven't seen enough of her yet to form a proper opinion :c could see it go either way with her tbh

Grace Madison soybean. i adore her, she doesn't have a single braincell and is currently trying to steal Wolfgang's. a real one for trying to fight back AND being able to actually get the jump on Tozu. No high hopes for survival though ngl :c

Jean Delamer If he ends up being a blackened, i'll be sad. he seems like such a nice guy, very safe, very brrr. also a whole ass dragon motif??? how cool is that??? he really feels like a safe space for the group, both mentally and physically so i hope we get to see a lot of him!

Cassidy Amber The only valid rich person. LOVE the spiderweb clothes. wouldn't be surprised if she kills Wenona or dies trying lmao. not the smartest tool in the shed but i love gaming references so i'm more than happy. it IS a stepladder.

Tozu Why is he hot. he's not supposed to be hot i hate it here (/s). didn't expect him to look like this but i am more than happy with the design. please show me more of him

Mara WHO ARE YOU i wanna see you more and talk to her and aaaaa she's mysterious OwO

[young-royals-confessions]

Which star signs do you think Wilhelm and Simon are?

It’s implied they were both born in late spring or during the summer. Given that S1 starts in a month into the autumn term and neither of them ever reference a recent birthday. And given that S2 starts in January and neither of them turns 17 during S2, nor references turning 17 soon. So not winter or early spring babies either.

My best guess is that Simon is a Cancer and Wilhelm is a Gemini. But I freely admit my knowledge of astrology is pretty superficial.

I’m pretty sure Sara is an Aquarius, as she did have a birthday during S2, seemingly in late January or early February.

I don’t have a single clue about Felice, would love to hear other people’s thoughts.

The obvious answer for August is Leo, but he’s not necessarily named after his birth month. August could just be a family name. August could be a Leo, an Aries or another Gemini. Again, we don’t see him have a birthday in S1 or S2. As Forest Ridge prefect (and then former Forest Ridge prefect), I’m thinking August’s birthday would be a big deal. At least to the third year boys.

Kristina totally screams Leo to me.

I could see Ayub as a Virgo or possibly a Libra. Probably Virgo, though.

Rosh I’m thinking probably Aries.

I don’t know about Madison. Scorpio, maybe?

Also, I know we have quite a few India-based fans (and fans of Indian origin) on YR Tumblr. I know much less about Vedic astrology than I do about Western astrology (so, nothing at all). But would anyone who does know more like to speculate on the YR characters?

🌠

[devilishfink]

My head's in heaven, my soles are in hell

To sort that out right away... That won't be a fairy tail of good and evil, where the beautiful angels win over the ugly demons. Since that is will NEVER be the case! Sorry to bust that bubble, kid. 

This is a story about me, Wilhelm Fink and my little baby brother “The Reverend” Strychnine Twitch, a long story with ups and downs.

Anyways... the story starts 39 years ago in good old California. My birthday to be exact and not my favorite day of the year to be brutally honest.

The neon light in the waiting room caused more stress than an relaxing atmosphere, the whole room in its' whole didn't help that either. 

A man in his mid thirties was sitting there all alone in the middle of the night waiting to be called to the room he just wanted to enter so badly for hours now. 

The black-headed looked like he was sitting on glowing coals, shifting from side to side for quite a while now; “Oh come on that's a joke... I just wanna see how it is going... That's it!” his voice sounded more worried than angry followed by a long sigh, he got on his feet heading to the exit, to find out what caused the waiting. 

It took him like 5 minutes and several asking to finally find the right direction, how he hated this place; the smell of diseases, disinfectant and soon to be dead; he simply hated hospitals with a passion... but this time he couldn't care less about all that.

“There we go 'delivery room'” a little smile showed up on his face, like a little child before Christmas morning, then he pushed open the door to see what he waited for so long now, “so is everything alright with Laur- a- what?!” as fast as the smile had came it was gone replaced with a blank face of disbelieve “This can't be... what happened! That's too much blood!” 

So let's see... the nice man you heard scream here was my father. Lucius Fink. Full-time asshole and previous king of hell. Yes hell you read that right.

Probably this incident was the trigger for much more worse to come, but that's a story for later. 

More important is the Why now... Laura Schneider; my mother; was basically my first victim of many. I never meant to do so really, but humans ain't supposed to give birth to a demon, since this always comes with a sacrifice, which was her life in this case...

Lucius was standing in front of the big window wall, where they kept the newborns for the parents to take the first look at their little bundle of joy. The demon was pale as the tiles that paved the whole place: “How can life and death be so close together? It's not fair...” he never was a cry baby not even now he could, he tried to calm himself not to tear the place down with just one finger. “...Now where is he?” still a bit shaking her searched through the small beds, to finally find a blue one: “There you are... Wilhelm... she chose the name I picked? Oh dammit Laura...” he shoved his face into one hand and shook his head: “Be strong now Lucius... be a good dad for him.” The devil shook of the bad chills for now to greet the newborn boy with a happy face not with the face of despair. 

What a happy-happy birthday story right? He should keep his promise at least for some years... he USED to be a good father to me when I was still a little fuck. After all it wasn't my fault that Laura died and I never met her so I was never really sad about not knowing her. But she seemed like a really nice woman after the stories Lucius told me while looking at old photos.

I noticed that something was wrong when I was like three years old. That was the time where he disappear for days, leaving me and my babysitter alone... God that was terrible of you think about it. It turned out that he went to some shady night clubs; he was sad and lonely I don't judge him for DOING it but I do judge him for leaving a three-year-old alone with a babysitter. (also because Susie was a bitch of a babysitter...) Anyway. That was until one day he brought one of his kittens, he really loved to play with home.

Sally Twitch; a woman that really didn't look like your usual dancer. I know, I know the name sounds weird and a lil' stupid, but she actually happened to be a really pretty and sweet being and who was not as stupid as her name sounded. Even thought she worked in some shady bar, she was always happy and a really great substitute mother to me. Also father had his reason to call her his “Little angel”...

°What do you's want for dinner darling?° the blonde lady asked the little black-headed boy. 'Uuuuuuh... I want beef please!' a big cute but sharp smile appeared on Wilhelm's face. °... again? Honey you's can't only eat meat all the time° Sally laughed stroking the boy's head °I's will see what we's can do yes?° - “Well meat doesn't sound bad to me either actually” Lucius appeared out of thin air behind them hugging Sally from behind to put a kiss on her temple, he always appeared like that. Out of nowhere. He loved being a demon and doing well thing's a demon does. °Hello love, was your day okay?° she blushed a little, every normal person would have pissed themselves if someone would pop up like this. But that wasn't your normal family to start with anyways. 

The were like together for two or three years, much longer than with Laura to this point. And who would have thought THAT? (Everybody obviously) Sally got pregnant. Father was scared of course, we all know what happened the last time he expected a child of his, but since Sally wasn't a normal human, she told him not to worry about it and that everything will be just fine. One happy family and a happy end like the one's in children books or Disney movies. 

I wish it would have been like that all the time...

'Moooommmy why can't I come with you two? I don't like the babysitter and I want to see my little brother!' the little devil pouted, trying not to show that he was close to crying: 'That's not fair!' - °Ssssh it's okaaaay... we's wont be gone for long and you's can say hello to him in person then not just do my belly hehe...° Sally smiled warmly wiping the little one's tears away with her thumbs, while Lucius was loading her bag into the car. °You's will protect little Strychnine from this point then so you's need to be a strong big brother for him... promise?° - 'I-I will!' Wilhelm nodded trying to look strong: 'o-okay I will be a good boy while you are away...' Sally nodded °See you's later alligator.° - 'See you in a while crocodile!' He waved from the front door as his parents left.

The were gone for ages after that but it's not like I wasn't used to being left alone with a babysitter... This time BOTH of them came back home, with a really tiny version of father just with a much cuter face. I was all over the place that day since a baby brother was something I always wished for, even thought I didn't know that to this point of time. Strychnine wasn't exactly the pretties baby name but special names run in this family so why the fuck not? 

'Can I hold him? May I? Pleaaase!' Wilhelm never begged for anything but special times need special behavior: 'I will be careful. I will not drop him or anything he isn't a toy of mine so I-I promise!' - °Oh dear° Sally giggled, holding the little bundle gently in her arms: °Sit down beside me's and stay calm yes?° The little bundle of energy did as he was told and sat down on the couch, trying to sit really still: °Here you's go...° - 'Oh like- that?' - °Yes like that° The bundle was warm and calm on his lap, making little noises: 'He's so tiny... he will grow up fast so we can play yes? - °Of course Will. You's will be a great big brother for him... you's see my “kind” isn't as strong as yours. Keep him safe when I's can't be around okay?° the blonde one smiled warm but there was something like a little hint of  apprehension in it as well, what she didn't wanted to show and the little boy didn't notice anyway. 

I would kill to relive this nice years of my and Twitch's childhood! Growing up in a stable and happy family, that would have been great... But that only lasted for like 3 years I think? As time passed more and more demon's got informed, that father was living with an angel and his kids like a normal person. They saw it as a chance to jump right on the top of the throne in hell, since they thought he had become soft and weak. Lucius went out every night to get rid of those traitors, after one incident, where a demon almost broke into their bedroom to get rid of him and Sally as well I guess. The angel slowly started to lose all of the calm happiness and turned into a train wreck when it came to her emotions. Hell, she was alone with us children by night hoping nothing and nobody would break in, ending our lives for fun; as a game. Don't get me wrong! Angel's have weapons too! Mostly swords they can use to kill my kind, but Sally never had used hers'. She was afraid of hurting me or father by accident. In the end that would cost her, her pretty head. Literally.

Wilhelm and Strychnine were sharing the same bedroom, because of the latest event happening around the house. It had become to dangerous letting everyone sleep in single rooms, so Sally and Lucius decided to put the kids in the room beside their bedroom, to help them as soon as they could in case of  danger. “Wil? I's can't sleep...” the little voice interrupted the silence of the night: “May I's uhm...” - 'I don't mind hop in baby bro' the black-headed replied as he lifted his blanket for his little brother to join. He made the promise to take care of him and he loved doing it actually. How couldn't you by the look of that adorable face? For a three-year old he was already really smart, so he  knew as good as Wil, what was going on, and what could possibly happen to them. “You's think everything will be fine?” little Twitch sounded worried: “Will mommy be alright?” - 'Dad takes care of her so there is no doubt about that, I am sure!' the eight-year-old tried to calm him down, so both of them would get some sleep this night, when a loud noise suddenly echoed through the hallway. “What was that??” Strychnine pulled the blanket over his face, shivering. 'I don't know... stay here I will have a look.' Wilhelm was as stressed out as his little brother, but he didn't wanted to scare him even more. The little demon got up on his feet and opened the bedroom's door slowly peaking through it. He didn't had much demonic skills by now, but he already had the night vision which came in handy, when reading under his blanket by night. 'Mhmm...' entering the hallway caused a dull feeling in his stomach, like something was going as bad as it possibly could. '...What is this smell?' little Fink followed his nose to his parent's bedroom: 'Mom?' he pushed the already open door open to see inside revealing a nightmarish picture to the young demon. Inside was Sally leaning on the rooms wall, bleeding heavily from her stomach: °You's can't have them! Only over my's dead body!° she yelled into direction of one dark corner of the room, where a unfamiliar person stood, grinning dirtily. -Awww mother goose is scared? Hehe... well well nothing easier than this, since your fighting skills are non-existing and your oh so lovely man is occupied somewhere else with my minions.- the man had sharp claws and just as sharp teeth making his smile even more diabolic as his words. Fink backed away slowly and went back to his room, picking up Twitch he brought them into the wardrobe on the other side of the hallway. “I's don't want to be in he-” the demon interrupted him, shaking his head he gestured the little angel to be silent. ('You can hear me like this Strych?') being a supernatural species came with so many skills like telepathy, the two brother trained that as soon as Twitch could speak probably. They mostly used it to play hide and seek and playing tricks on their parents , but this time it was a good way to stay hidden from whoever he was.

(“I's can... what is happening?”) the curly haired boy clung to his older brother even tighter, hearing the banging sounds coming from his mother's bedroom. ('Dad will be here soon, I bet! He would never let someone hurt us li-') he was stopped by a loud bump hitting the door of the wardrobe. This smell... blood. Too much blood to be normal: °Don't... We's not hurtin' anybody please...° the voice of the angel sounded weak and so full of despair, knowing that she couldn't win against such a strong enemy. -Well you've got a pretty face and all... I don't blame him getting down on ya.- the voice of the stranger sounded almost cheerful. The man had taken grip around Sally's neck ready to snap her head of in just a second: -Maybe I will do that too before I take your last breath, how does that sound to you mother goose?- as soon as the sentence ended, there was a dragging noise into the direction of the children's bedroom. Wilhelm was just standing there pressing his hands on Strychnine's ears for the whole conversation, this time he couldn't overplay it. (“...A-are you's cryin'?”) some tears were dripping on the little one's head as the older one took a deep breath ('W-we stay in here dad will... he must...') where was he? He couldn't let this happen! Or could he? 

The house was covered in death silence for the rest of the night and the heavy smell of iron filled the hallway. Lucius nowhere to be seen...

This night our mother passed away, in a cruel and restless way... Sally did not deserve all this. We stayed in this fucking wardrobe for the whole night and Twitch was asking me over and over again, if everything would be fine and I told him father would come and safe us... This asshole can go rot somewhere worse than hell for leaving us alone this night. He came back somewhere around 10 in the morning, finding the angel in two pieces in our bedroom... I don't know who he was but he was one of the demon you would really call a monster. Next to my father of course. He started to slowly change as soon as Sally was underground and we were back home. For so many years he made us feel the pain he must have felt, but we were kids and not someone's punching bag! The angel knew why she told ME to take care of her son and not Lucius...

It was night again and as always the two brother's were alone in the big old house. 'We need to get you to the hospital, Twitch... c'mon!' the 13-year old tried to convince his smaller counterpart, who just had turned eight, to follow him downstairs to “fix” his father's birthday present: 'You can't heal yourself that well by now... please.' - “But I's... I-I's don't like that place Wil!” the little boy shook his head in dislike of his brother's idea: “Can't you's help me's with my arm?...” the emerald eyes grew bigger, hoping for an positive answer. The demon sight: 'I can only destroy, not heal. Only my own wounds baby bro.' - “B-But... mmmhm... fine.” The curly-headed boy followed grudged soon after and half an hour later they found themselves in the local emergency room. Not for the first time and not for the last. Twitch was holding his arm straight, shifting close to his brother's side, waiting for them to be called into one of the  consulting rooms: “I's will be fine?” - 'You will be. Don't worry.' - “If you's say so...” Fink smiled warmly at the little boy, trying to calm him. He wasn't the nice brother, not at all, except when it came to his little brother. Like a lion protecting his whelp. After a time that felt like hours they got to see a doctor; Twitch got a cast and Fink tried to make up a story again. This time he felt down the stairs. The two brother's were common visitor of the hospital by now, hell, they must have been really stupid not knowing WHAT was going on at there home with the little boy. “You's wanna write something on it?” the curly-headed boy wiggled his arm a little, trying to lighten the mood again. He was so lucky, not getting anything from his father but the face and the color of his eyes. Such an example for an angel. 'I will... uuuhm I will write bird brain on it yes?' - “Hey! That's not true!” the boy blew up his cheeks in disagreement: “I's not stupid, that's meaaaan...” - The young demon laughed: 'Just kidding! I am sorry I am nasty; that's my nature y'know?' - “You's ain't! At least not to me's.” - 'That's... true I think. You are the only thing that's important to me so'. They took the bus home, Twitch fell asleep, five minutes before they arrived at their stop: 'Don't you ever change yes?' the black-haired whispered picking his brother up to carry him into bed, without waking him up.

That story repeated so often, I stopped counting the times... At the point where I was 18 and Strych was 13, he sure had broken all his bones at least once. Luckily, he learned to heal himself pretty fast. At the same time, I planned leaving home to put an end to our father's torture. Even thought, I am creature that causes so much pain, I can't stand seeing my loved ones in pain. It makes me throw up, since it puts me back into the state I was in, while hiding in the wardrobe with Twitch as Sally was murdered... such a helpless state.

“But is there enough space for us?” Twitch was sitting on the edge of the couch in his purple, over sized hoodie, watching Fink getting his shit together: 'Yes there is. Just don't worry about all that, baby bro.' the demon smiled more stressed than warm this time. He just hoped for Lucius to stay out of the house all night again this time. 'Let's go now! My teleportation is still a bit bumpy but it's good enough to bring us two to our new home... come here and gimme a hug will ya?' the little boy nodded doing as his brother told him. He held on really tight, closing his eyes: “I's not going to puke after it right?” - 'Nope not at all... well maybe a little dunno haha!' with a cheeky smirk and without hesitation, Wilhelm let them both disappear into thin air to let them appear back in an cosy apartment. “You's lied to me's- urgh...” - 'Bathroom is the second door to the left there...' the curly-head ran off into said direction as soon as Fink had finished his sentence. The place was small but had many rooms, two small bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom and a living room. 

It wasn’t the best place to raise a child, but we both didn’t mind it. Everywhere is better than living with a man that holds a grudge against the world including his own children. Anyway. I could earn enough money by day with a shitty job at the supermarket- hell! I learned to hate people even more in this place!- and plenty of money from my demon job at night. Life was simple but it was good. Strych could be a child for a little bit at least… when I could keep him from asking questions about my nightlife. That was more than just not child friendly. He was still so curious about it that he ended up sneaking after me one night, even thought I told him not to do so several of times before…

Fink was getting ready for his “late shift” by putting on an all black outfit and a black and white stripped mask; this one he was really careful with since it was the only thing that hid his face from his “clients”: “I’s wanna come!” - ‘You cant… how many times have I told you that already Strych?’ the blonde head sticking through the door frame pouted in disappointment as the older one sighed and said the sentence like almost ever two or three days. It was just too dangerous and cruel for a little boy to join him. Hell- that job wasn’t one you could bring to class and talk about like a cop or firefighter would do. 'Please go to sleep… you’ve got school tomorrow.” a warm smile formed on the demons face as he leaded the boy back to his room, tucking him into his blanket with his plush animals: “I’s not tired at all…” Strych replied as a yawn followed his words, which made Fink grin amused: 'I see… It wont take long. Now- sleep tight little bean~’ putting a kiss on the blonde curls he got up to get his leather jacket and left the apartment to enter the dark night.

It didn’t take long for him to find the corrupted soul he had to send back to hell, after all he was a pure blood and much stronger and smarter than anyone with just a lousy pact. 'Any last wishes before I erase you from the surface of the planet? … not? Thought so!’ the devil short laughed as he held the mid-aged man against a brick wall by his throat with only one hand; he didn’t look like it at this point but he could take down grown up man without any trouble already now. With a smirk he lifted his tail showing the sharp end to the pale guy as he cut a straight line from his throat down to his belly, letting a waterfall of blood run down on the floor. Fink would never tell his little brother how good it felt to him, feeling fresh blood on his skin that wasn’t his own, one could compare it with a wolf finally starting to feed on a hunted deer. Pure satisfaction for one of his kind: 'The red is so pretty oh…’ a wide smirk formed on his face as he let the dead body slide to the ground to push his tail through it’s heart to let the corpses disappear into literal dust getting carried away by the wind.

Fink was covered in so much blood; and he loved it: 'That’s so goood~ but lets get rid of the mask now’ he chuckled and pulled it of to put it away into his jacket as he noticed a whimper behind his back, as he slowly turned around he immediately noticed the blonde short boy just standing there with tears running down his red cheeks: 'Strych?? what are you doing here? Please calm down it’s not what it looks like-’ before he could explain himself the little angel was already running of, down the dark sidewalks not really into a direction of something he knew. 'Shit!’ the black-haired started running after him, that wasn’t what he wanted his little brother to know about him; his cruel side; the side his father left him. 'Stop! Please! I am not evil towards you or anyone!’ Strych didn’t reply he just kept on running crying heavily because of the blood drenched scenery he found, which his brother had caused. “G-go away! Y-You’s the same monster as d-dad!” the little boy yelled from the top of his lungs which was loud enough to his his big brother like a straight shot into the guts. He wasn’t … it was his job! Or was it? Did he had the choice to quiet and live a normal life? There were so many doubts in his head now as he got slower and slower just looking blankly at his blonde counterpart.

“Leave me’s alone!” - 'I am … evil.’ the demon stared at his red hands and arms, trying to figure out the situation and what to do as he heard a dull sound like something had fallen. “Ow… my’s knees…” the angel had stumbled as he crossed the street making him fall and hurt his knees and cuttinghis pants open. 'Buddy I will hel- oh…’ the older brother bit his lips realizing that he had betrayed his only family really badly with not telling the truth: 'I am so sorry I can’t redo this and- FUCK GET UP!’ before he could really start his speech he noticed the lights of a truck coming down the street with way too much speed! And the little boy was still there not able to get up! Without hesitation the demon gained speed to push the little boy of the street onto the sidewalk: 'I am sorry!’ that were the last words before the truck hit Fink frontal, breaking his legs and one arm and pushed him on the edge of the street, just laying there unconscious: “Will! NO! Will!” Twitch crawled over to his brother shaking him to wake up but failed. The driver stopped about to yell and howl about the bump in his car but instead turned pale and called for an ambulance instead, which took both to their well know town’s hospital.

Fink woke up in a white room with plenty of needles stuck in his arm; including liquid and blood; and the mother of headaches but a warm feeling close to his side: 'W-what.. where..?’ he slowly opened his heavy eyelids before noticing the blonde head beside him in bed sleeping. A little smile formed on his face as he stroked the small back trying to get him to relax his hands and arms, but the only thing he got was a little groan: 'I am so sorry little bean… I-I am a bad big brother.’ the demon sobbed a little; trying not to start crying but his whole body was in pain still so he couldn’t help it but just let it flow down his face: “…I’s shouldn’t have said that… you’s Fink not Lucius… my big brother can’t be like him he is MY brother” the tiny voice suddenly returned with a cute little smile sweeter than all the candies in the world.

[groenendaelfic]

🏀 👶?

WIPs titles ask game: Basket Baby

This will either be the beginning of chapter 1 or 3 (depending on whether I'll opt for prologues or flashbacks later on)

"Mom?" Simon asks, hurriedly toeing off his shoes and peering into the kitchen. "Mom, what's wrong?"

It's a swelteringly hot summer day, one which he and his friends planned to spend at the lake, but his mom's urgent and rather vague message forced him to come back early.

"Why aren't you at work? Did something happen? Why didn't you want Ayub and Rosh to come along?"

He asks all this in rapid-fire Spanish, but falls silent once he enters the kitchen and is greeted with the sight of a strangely long, blanket filled basket and the red-rimmed eyes of his mother.

"Mom?" he repeats, when his mom merely swallows and looks down at the bundle in her arms.

The moving bundle in her arms.

"My love," she says, her voice breaking. "There … there is a letter for you."

At that she gestures at the basket.

Simon's mind is blank as he steps up to it and reaches inside. There is a letter tugged half underneath the mattress, and he swallows when he sees the tiny stuffed frog next to it.

The letter isn't signed and only consists of a single line, but Simon would recognize the handwriting anywhere.

I know I don't have any right to ask, but it'd mean the world if you'd consider Erik as a middle name.

The single sheet of paper drops to the table as Simon sinks into the nearest chair.

He hasn't heard a word from Wilhelm since before Christmas, no one has. Not since the other boy told him he loved him and then seemingly vanished off the face of the earth.

The last and only thing Simon heard was the official press statement the Royal Court released a few months ago, announcing that the Crown Prince was convalescing after a lengthy, but non-life threatening illness, his return to public life unknown.

There is a lump in his throat, and Simon can't hold back the tears falling down his cheeks.

He doesn't want to hold back the tears falling down his cheeks. He wants Wille.

He misses Wille. He's missed Wille so much.

The bundle in his mom's arms gurgles, and he thinks he can make out a tiny fist waving in the air.

"Some lawyers asked for me at work today," his mom says. "They offered me adoption or custody until you're eighteen. It was either that or having him adopted by an elderly couple up North loyal to the crown and never seeing him again."

"What?" Simon asks.

This can't be happening.

"What about Wille?"

His mom doesn't meet his eyes, but instead looks down at the baby.

His and Wille's baby.

"I had to sign an NDA among other things, and there will be more paperwork," she says, evading the question. "He's not in the population register, not yet, and you need to decide on a name …"

She pauses.

"The Royal Court will help us and arrange everything, as long as we promise to never contact it or Wilhelm ever again. It's their condition for letting us keep …"

"Mom?" Simon sobs, overwhelmed and not knowing what to do or say.

He and Wille have a baby, and if he wants to keep him he'll never get to see Wille again.

Not that he will otherwise. Not in person, not if Wille never returns to Hillerska, but …

Where is Wille?

He can't be okay with this.

The last thing Wille told him was that he loved him.

Until now that is. He looks down and picks up the sheet of paper with the single, handwritten line.

Why?

There's nothing else in the envelope.

"Do you want to hold him?" Linda asks.

Simon nods.

The baby's eyes are still blue, and he can't tell who they'll come after, but the mop of dark curls on his head is hard to miss.

He's a father, and he's never going to see Wilhelm again.

[raincitygirl76]

I have to say the song choice is part of what makes this scene so incredibly meaningful to me. I mean yeah, it’s also a very hot scene. I am extremely attached to both these characters, who’ve both been through so much shit, both together and apart. And they’re played by physically attractive actors who have great chemistry. But it’s the SONG that really gets me.

As a queer person myself, I gave up decades ago on anyone ever thinking of any sex other than the cishet baby making kind of sex as being anything other than dirty. When straight people think about queer sex, many of them are either titillated or repulsed. And I’m not saying every straight person. But as a lesbian born in 1976, trust me, I’ve met a lot of straight people in my life. And a fair number of them have opinions they don’t feel shy about sharing.

As a teenager I attended a wedding (a straight wedding of course, that was the only kind they had in 1990). It was a second marriage for both parties, I think the wife was 48 and her new husband about 55. So, you know, pretty unlikely they would have children together, since the bride was probably not far off menopause.

Religious weddings often talk about the sacredness of sex between married people because it has the possibility to bring about new life. Not terribly relevant in this case, nor necessarily in the best of taste. So the pastor preached his sermon (or a portion of it) on how married sex, even the non-procreative kind, is sacred because it has been blessed by God. Is a way for both parties to demonstrate their love for each other.

I already had suspicions I might not be straight, but this sermon made me feel like even more of a loser. I wasn’t ready to have sex with anybody at that point, but virtually all my crushes had been girls. The fact was that I could never have proceative sex and could never get married, and could never have that sort of holy, blessed-by-God sort of sex unless I had it with a boy was not a cheerful thought. Because boys didn’t do it for me.

So I convinced myself I couldn’t possibly be a lesbian. Because if I were, I couldn’t have any of those things. It worked until it didn’t. This also started the seeds of me becoming an agnostic as an adult. Because agnostics and atheists were less likely to talk about queerness as a sin for which I would burn in hell.

And here we are in November 2022, and I’m watching 2 boys kiss on Netflix as I watch YR 2.05 for the first time. And I’m ecstatic, because they’ve been apart and miserable the entire season. And then the song “Holy” starts playing. And I’m reminded of that wedding and that sermon.

Now, Wilhelm and Simon are only 16, going on 17, so I really can’t see them getting married any time soon. But the fact that they were portrayed having sex while accompanied by that song was astounding. It was like, “Yeah, actually queer people can have sex that is meaningful, that is a celebration of their love for each other.” It doesn’t have to be dirty or shameful or titillating, it can just be two people who love each other cherishing each other and trying to bring each other pleasure. Regardless of their pronouns, genitalia, etc.

And even though I’m either an agnostic or an atheist as an adult (depends on the day, really), the fact that YR picked that song to play over Wilhelm and Simon’s reunion sex scene was amazing to me. It felt like absolution from all those sermons over the years which said only cisgender heterosexual PIV intercourse is a potentially positive thing that God (assuming he exists) can bless. That has even the possibility of being sacred. Everything else is dirty, even if you love the person and you’re both enthusiastically consenting.

I think the scene would mean less to me if they had chosen a different song for it.

And yes, I’m fully aware that sex where both parties are in love is not the only kind of sex that can be a positive thing in people’s lives. But for so much of my life it didn’t matter if I was in love with the woman or not. Whatever we did was sinful and degenerate anyway, whether it was just two bodies casually chasing pleasure together, or an expression of deeply-felt romantic love and commitment.

I find it kind of impossible for anyone to get over this scene.