#i think I'm feeling different but I can't pinpoint how. that may also be on account of totaling my car tho

[briny]

do you think drugs would fix me. not weed real ones. okay not real ones like semi real ones. you know what maybe i'll just eat a really hot pepper and go for a bike ride or something

[emmyrosee]

You’ve been… needy, today.

Normally, Kiyoomi is immune to it, if anything, he embraces your clingiest of affections and he takes them with ease, but today, for some reason, you’re nuzzling and nudging at him with every little thing, your eyes curved into a sad pout every time he looks down at you.

It seems like you’re insatiable, you’re on a craving for a fix you can’t seem to get, and he’s fairly certain you’ve almost cried at him a few times for that little bit of affection you can’t seem to get enough of, and normally Kiyoomi can read you like a novel, front to back.

Today, it’s almost like you’re a different person- no longer able to voice their needs, but plead for him to figure it out. Someone who doesn't seem to trust him, but still eggs for assurance and validation.

And he doesn't know why, but he can't pinpoint it this time.

He's exhausted every avenue, he's does everything he can think of, every question he could ask has either given him no answer or another needy little choke in your answer. He doesn't know, okay, he's trying, but he doesn't want to just ask you point blank because there's a part of him that feels like he should know.

There's also a glimmer in your eyes that tells him that he should figure it out.

Finally, for whatever reason, you stop.

Now, you're creating distance, and he hates this even more than you trying to crawl into his skin.

At least then, you still wanted him.

"I'm going to shower."

Your voice cuts him out of his detecting, snapping him from his thoughts as he nods encouraging at you. If he didn't feel like it would end in a fight, he'd cheesily ask if you wanted him to join you, but the question dies when you spin on your heel to leave him in the bedroom, alone.

He needs to know. He has to figure it out.

There's a buzzing of his phone that snaps him out of his pity party, and enthusiastic text from Hinata about the new jersey designs. Something about how they need sizing and promo pictures, and they should all get together to plan.

At this point, Hinata couldv'e texted him about anything on the planet and he would've gone. In his head, he weighs his options of staying here and leaving the jersey talk for tomorrow.

Or leaving, and letting you both have some time apart to sort out your feelings.

He's barely able to think on it before his feet force him to get up and make his way to the bathroom, popping open the door to call to you.

He just hopes this works.

"Baby, I'll be back!" He calls, voice above the rushing water.

"Wait- what?" You call back.

"Hinata needs to steal me for a while to talk about our new jerseys, I should be back in a few hours."

"Kiyoomi-"

"I love you!" He says, interrupting you before closing the door and making his way out of the house. He hopes that some distance may calm whatever it is inside of you,

By the time he comes home, he's surprised to see the lights turned on.

Typically Kiyoomi can come home at any hour and find you in bed, asleep, clinging to his pillow, but tonight, it seems you either forgot to shut everything down, or you're still awake.

Maybe if you're awake, you'll be able to sort out whatever happened today before going to bed.

When he walks in, the house is quiet. Scarily quiet.

"Nice of you to show up."

Yeah. You're up. And you sound bored.

The house is still active, but rather than make a dash for him to leap into his arms for affection, you're instead on the couch, eyes heavy and face sad.

After a whole day of trying to cling to him and his every move, now you're willing to be sedate?

He sighs and walks to meet you in the living room, and whatever angry look you try to pull gets demolished by the wobbling of your lip. “What’re you still doing awake?”

You turn to look up at him sadly, tears swollen in your waterline as you blink at him expectantly. “I missed you.”

He smiles at your words before shrugging off his jacket and folding it over in his arms, “I missed you too, baby. How was your night?”

“Quiet.” Your lips twitch as if you want to say more, but no other words fall from your lips. He gives you a small chuckle and scratched the back of his head.

“That’s… exciting,” he offers. You shrug. The tenseness in the room makes him want to throw up, he’s not used to this coldness from you- typically, you’re throwing yourself at him, especially with how you were acting earlier, but now you seem like you couldn’t care less about him. "Did you do anything?"

"Nope."

"Oh..."

"Where did you go?"

He shrugs, "Hinata and Bokuto wanted to talk about the new jerseys and the plan for practice tomorrow; then we got dinner and had some drinks."

"And you didn't think to text me? Not once?"

Chills run up his spine as your question comes with an emotioned voice crack, "I... I guess it slipped my mind... I'm sorry."

"Mm."

He swallows thickly, but his pounding head desperately wants to call it a night. “Why don’t we go to bed, baby?”

“You go ahead, im gonna get some water.”

He smiles and nods as he makes haste to the bedroom, happy facade dropping once his back is towards you. All he wants right now is to curl up next to you and knock the rest if the day away, praying that you're in a similar headspace.

He all but tears off the clothes on his back, dressing into far more comfortable wear as he goes to wash his face. Usually, you're right next to him, butting your head against him, nudging him to the side so you can join him, or youre sitting on the closed toilet seat just to watch him.

You seemingly have no interest in doing that tonight.

By the time Kiyoomi's done, his stomach churns as you're still not in bed, surely it hasn't taken you more than two minutes to get some water, and with an exhausted, and almost annoyed groan, he shuffles back down the hall to see you.

You... you haven't moved.

“Hey,” he mumbles, rubbing his eye. “How come you’re out here? I thought we were going to bed?”

“You didn’t kiss me today.”

He didn’t?

“What do you mean?” He asks, stalking over to the couch. You shuffle over to make room for him, but your eyes never meet his. “I kissed you so many times today, baby.”

“No,” you snip. “You didn’t. I know, because I’m so used to you giving me kisses.”

“I’m... I'm sorry, I guess I just-“

“And you barely hugged me, either,” you sniffle. His brows furrow and instinctively, he tosses an arm around your shoulder to try and calm you down. “Any time I’d reach for you, you’d look at me like I was some nuisance, and make me feel bad for needing the affection.”

“Of course you’re not a nuisance!” He says, rocking you both. “God, fuck baby, I’m sorry, I thought you just needed some more attention than usual and I just-“

“I’m not done.”

A wave of nervousness shudders down his spine, but he pulls back slightly to give you your room to piece together your thoughts. Had he really been that neglectful today?

“You didn’t even eat dinner with me; you went out with the boys. I was in the shower, I didn’t even get a kiss goodbye- you called out a quick ‘love you!’ and went off doing whatever it was you did tonight. You didn’t call, and you didn’t text, and I was home alone, thinking that I did something wrong.”

"No wonder you’re upset- I’m sorry, baby. Whatever I did today wasn’t a reflection of how much I love you; I just got a little busy, and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

You completely deflate. God, what has he done?

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he says sweetly, planting a kiss to your temple. “I never, ever wanted to hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry I did.”

You’re quiet. There’s a strange feeling of dread in the air. The longer you pause, the more he feels the anxiety settling in the pit of his soul.

"You really don't know why I'm mad...?"

He chokes on his own breath, "I... I didn't know you were mad..."

You hiccup in sadness, and he feels like he can't breathe.

The clock on the tv changes to 23:59, and you sigh sadly.

“Happy anniversary.”

You stand up without a word, letting Kiyoomi’s head fall forward along with his jaw. He looks at you in absolute terror, all while you face away from him, hugging yourself in an attempt to comfort yourself.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

The room is shrouded in suffocating silence, smothering anything Kiyoomi could say before he could even think of the words. Dark eyes dart over your frame. He feels sick, he could throw up on this rug right now, if he had anything to even puke up. Your shoulders heave, and he’d rather chew on broken glass covered alcohol before ever wanting him and his neglect to be the reason for your distress.

“I forgot,” he blurts.

No shit.

“I know you did.”

“How… could I forget?”

“You tell me.”

“I-I-I-I set so many reminders, how did I…”

“It doesn’t matter,” you snip, turning on your heel to stalk back down the hallway to your bedroom. “You forgot. And the day is over. It doesn’t matter.”

It does, he wants to argue. It matters, because you matter to him, and he abandoned you on a night that is so sacred to him, the day you crashed into his life and made him realize that whatever he was doing that put you on the road to him, was exactly where he wants to be.

He looks down at the clock on his iPhone, as it creeps over the 45 second mark, and he darts down the hallway. He runs like he’s being chased, like he’s on fire, and you can’t hide your noise of surprise when he bursts into your bedroom and tosses gangly arms around you and plants kisses all over your face.

He holds you so tight you could pop, and he sponges all the kisses he can over your neck and cheeks, and he hears you trying to fight back a giggle, and it only eggs him on to continue.

“I love you,” he pants. “I love you, I love you so much, every day I’m grateful for whatever being is watching us for putting me on the road to you. I don’t know who I worshipped right to be here, but I’ll be damned if I let my own stupidity sabotage that.”

“Kiyoomi,” you say, voice delicate and trying to stop itself from breaking. “You forgot. I just wanted... I wanted you to show up. You couldn't even give me that."

Now it's his turn for his lip to wobble.

You sniff sharply, "just forget about everything, I don’t care anymore.”

“But I care-“

“Clearly, you don’t,” you snap, trying to squeeze out of his grip. “I don’t have the energy for this right now. Let’s just go to bed.

“I’m not about to let this go.”

“Neither am I, but my demons need to rest.” Your eyes dart at his alarm clock, “yours too, apparently. Tomorrow you’re getting sized for jerseys- hopefully you didn’t forget that other important thing.”

Your words sting him sharply, even if he deserves every single one of them. He reels back slightly, gnawing at his lip as he tries to think of ways to fix this, fix the way you’re looking at him and feeling, fix the clear hole he’s singed into your heart.

You curl up into your side of the bed, pulling the blankets high, and he doesn’t know how long he does it, but he just stares at you. It’s like he’s waiting for you to scream at him, or cry, or do something that he should feel even more shitty for.

But it doesn’t happen.

You sniffle a few times, shuffle once or twice, and he doesn’t know just how long he’s been standing there until your breathing turns rhythmic and peaceful for the first time today. Your shoulders rise and fall, back facing away from him and god, he feels like such a loser about to lose the greatest thing that's ever happened to him.

Probably because he is.

You're going to leave him. You're going to see just how much he takes you for granted, how much more you're worthy of and how much more love anyone can give you- even if you still wanted to stay in the jackals, and he wouldn't blame you for shifting your love to someone like Hinata or Meian for a second.

A cold breeze smacks Kiyoomi in the face as, at some point in his spiraling, he ends up outside, keys jingling in hands and hoodie pulled messily on top of his head. His legs seem to know where he's going, even if he doesnt.

His legs take him everywhere that could possibly be open right now, there's no store with a three mile radius that he hasn't bought out between candy, chocolates, a few stuffed bears you'll adore, and three or four types of pizzas and sushi dishes each.

He doesn't care about the strange looks the cashiers and other patrons give him. He cares about trying to remember if you prefer sour or normal gummy bears. He cares about remembering if you like plain pizza or toppings.

He also cares about the way this pillow won't sit the hell up.

He cares immensely about the way the chairs from the island in the kitchen have no grip to them, and refuse to keep the blankets strewn across them up.

And fuck the knitted blanket draped over the lamp and top of the couch, because it refuses to stay the hell up and he's had to make at least four mad dashes to catch the falling object.

The fifth, naturally, crashes to the floor, and he can only sigh in defeat as he continues to fix the fort for the nth time.

"I'm armed," your voice yells from down the hall.

He chuckles, "no you're not."

You groan in annoyance before padding down the hall, and he turns his head to acknowledge your exhausted arrival.

“What’re you doing, Kiyoomi?” You ask, knuckling your eye. “It’s one in the morning.”

“It’s 12:23 pm on the east coast in America.”

You cock a brow, and he blinks simply before turning back to his blanket fort. He feels your eyes boring into his skull, but he ignores it. He’s busy.

“Uhm… thank you for the fun fact?”

“It’s 1:23 yesterday.”

“…and?”

“Komori is on the east coast,” he says easily, tongue poking out in focus. “Somewhere, I don’t really know where, I don’t know American geography. Which basically means a part of me is on the United States east coast. So, by the transitive property-“ he stands up and presents the messily made fort. “We still get to celebrate our anniversary.”

You smile sadly at his efforts but your bottom lip wobbles all the same, “kiyoomi, you forgot. Just drop it, okay?”

“No.”

“Kiyoomi, I’m tired-“

“I bought us some pizza,” he interrupts, lifting the reusable bags positively stuffed to the brim with other treats. “And i got those sour candies you like for some reason, but I picked aside all the ones you hate so you can just eat them in confidence-“

Your eyes glimmer in slight excitement.

“And-And-And I’ve got our favorite movies queued up, ready to go, but there’s a new playlist filled with love songs that I found-“

“Kiyoomi-“

“And god we haven’t danced around in months, do you remember the last time we danced? It was like… well, months.”

You giggle, and he brightens at the sound. He takes a soft sigh to calm down, “and I just… I know how bad I am at showing it.” He stands up and makes his way towards you, and when he cups your cheek in his hand and you mewl at him, he could cry from that alone. “But you are the only thing that matters. My only exception to any rule I could make. And I couldn’t give you the bare minimum, on the second most important day to do it.”

“Second?”

“If I forget your birthday, I need you to leave me,” he chuckles nervously. You slowly walk up to him as if timid and unsure, and when he opens an arm to ease you into a hug, he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding as he squeezes you close. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“I know,” you assure. There’s a comforting silence between you both, your cheek nuzzled into the dip of his sternum before you hum.

“Can I go with you to size jerseys tomorrow?”

“I’m not going to get my jersey sized tomorrow,” he says without missing a beat. You tense up in his arms, and before you can protest, he shushes you and cups the back of your head to keep you close. “They will live for one day without me. It takes four minutes tops. They will get over it.”

“But-“

“No buts,” he says, pulling back and looking down at you.

“But-“

“No.” He leans down to capture your lips in a kiss to shut you up, soft and familiar but just enough to keep you calm for him. You purr into the kiss and let your hands wander around his torso, fingers fisting the fabric of his night shirt tightly.

The fingers on your head gently fists the hair at the nape of your neck to keep you grounded for him, and the whimper you pant against him has him in euphoria.

“Thank you,” you sigh against his teeth. He shakes his head before pulling back slightly.

“Don’t thank me… not when I made you feel anything less than the love of my life.”

You chuckle and gently tug the waistband of his sweats. “I know you’re trying to make up for it, now.”

“You do?”

“How many men are gonna stay up, figure out the time zones in America and pick sour grape from my bag of candy just to try and fix a forgotten anniversary?”

He laughs and pulls you in for another hug, one tight and secure and as close as he can get you to snap any broken pieces together.

“I really am trying… I promise.”

“I know you are.”

[athena5898]

I often think when people hear "infantilizing a group of people", they think of it literarily that we are actively being made a infant. While this is a part of it, I think people miss the subtle things that end up causing chasms in their relationships with that group of people.

It's actually hard to pinpoint because it's never a singular event, it's many tiny things but the end result is always "I am the authority, I will always know more then you, I will never take your advice, I will never be honest with you (you know to spare *your* feelings), any disagreement is your fault, any problem in your life is my cross to bear and you must follow how I tell you to fix it, I will never stoop myself to understanding what your needs are as X group and will view everything from my own lens and judge you accordingly, we are not equals, and we never will be. (This is not a exhausted list, nor will everyone have all the same traits)

It is very hard to connect with someone who just automatically assumes a higher status to you just because of something you can't change. All the while the offender thinks what they are doing is actually a good thing. They are somehow helping you by just assuming they are better then you (which in the end, that's kinda what this is).

I have a few people in my life that I care for a lot, but they are not that much older then me yet they act like I can't possibly understand them and automatically shove this "child" label on my forhead.

And here is the thing, they will voluntarily bring up why they think this if you pay attention. It might be trauma they've dealt with, it might be that they have kids and you don't, age, or anything else like this. However I think it's important to note that I have friends who do not talk down to me and respect me as my own person with autonomy and also have these things going on in their life. So it's not like it's impossible to treat someone with respect and have these differences.

Now what do some of these subtle differences look like? There are many ways they can materialize but to name a few.

- Demanding the person solves a problem their way despite the person telling them why their circumstances do not allow that.

- assuming...well anything and all the time. These people have a tendency to think they know exactly what you are feeling and other such things and if you try to correct them then they will actually get upset at you or show some type of passive aggressiveness.

-Speaking on your behalf without asking permission

-never valuing your expertise on any subject. They are older/more mature then you, therefore to them they know more about everything. What's really fun (/s) about this is when they will explain to you, why you are wrong, by repeating what you said back at you.

- any reason why you can't do a thing, or why you need an aide is an excuse. You could do it if you *really* wanted to, but you are just being lazy. Now the real adult has to take up your burden.

- they do not/cannot listen to you. No matter what you say or how you say it, or if they even confirm what you say, there is always a part of them that is not listening. Or hell, they could of listened to you, but since what you say isn't important to them, they will quickly forget it and may even try and claim you never said anything to them.

- I'm not sure if this counts as infantilizing, but I notice that it happens a lot in tandem. While they think less of you and treat you like a child whose facts and opinions don't matter, all of this will change at a moment's notice when they need something from you...oddly enough something they probably normally do not take seriously from you on a normal day. Suddenly thrusting you with this burden of taking care of them even though they are never there for you in any meaningful actually helpful way most of the time. Like you will literally be demanded to stop what you are doing, and get over whatever you are going through to help them and their problem. I cannot explain how frustrating it is to be demanded to be the mature one while most of the time being denied respect.

I could go on, but honestly if I sat here and thought of every single tiny thing they do to make sure there is distance between you and them up on their self made pedestals, I'd be here all day.

The worst part on all of this is that I have no idea how to resolve it. People who do this are not inherently bad people, hell they might not even realize they do it. But this can actually make it more difficult to bring to their attention. I have tried many ways and many different times to resolve this, but I haven't been successful yet. Anyone who has corrected themselves were people who just had a little mess up but still obviously viewed me as a person from the start.

These subtle ways someone can dehumanize you, it can cause terrible rifts and of course the other person never understands why (see point above about not listening)

I am writing this as a autistic person, but I know there are others who go through this. Please check the ways you create artificial authority over someone.

Edit: someone reblogged this with hashtags about how we shouldn't do this to children either and I completely agree, I was using the term because it's the one often used to explain these things. Adding the edit cause I have no idea how to respond to the hashtag thing and I think it's a important thing to note.

[schrodinger-swriter]

Heyoo!! I was wondering if I could request A, D, F, K, L, P, Q, T and X for Angel Dust x reader for the Hazbin fluff alphabet? Thank you!!!💕

A, D, F, K, L, P, Q, T, and X for Angel Dust

I hope this one is okay, I feel Angel may be another character I'll have difficulty catching right, but nonetheless I hope you enjoy, Anon!

Apologies for such a short note, I'm getting another headache coming on.. I think I will write out this post and rest.

For the Tunes segment I would like to apologize for having a trash taste in music, I naturally gravitate to songs I already know with these kinds of questions..

ATTRACTION:

This one is very tricky, given that Angel throws himself at any guy he sees. Though, that's because he feels it's what is expected of him, is it not? At least gathering from his wiki as well as his actions within the series... Pinpointing his type is a little difficult and what he knows he's attracted to. But what about subconscious attraction? He needs someone who's willing to deal with his sarcasm and meanness, but won't totally blow him off. But he also needs someone he can just unwind with, you know? Very hard to say, and comparing how he acts with the rest of the cast is offering little idea.. Definitely going to need to be patient with this one, too, but that's not exactly an attraction thing.. hmm..

DATES:

A club may be his first go to, especially if this before he starts taking the redemption thing seriously. Though, that's not exactly the best date idea now is it? You go there to get drunk or take enough substances to not think straight for the next week; or to fuck. Sure, you can bond with someone over a shot, but is it really.. genuine? Add in he might be stressing over you like he did with Niffty if this is within the second half of the show's current timeline, and you get drunk before he can.. No, my mind keeps wandering to the two of you simply having an at home date. Together, at your place or yours. If it takes place at the hotel he takes you to his room. Less of a date as it is a hangout session, and he might try to initiate sex.. More experienced with intercourse than the romance side of things, so that's going to take time too.

FAMILY:

Sinners can't have biological children of his own, but Angel Dust is fine by that. Perhaps he feels responsible for a moment and admits (likely internally) that he can hardly keep an eye on himself, how can he keep an eye on a child? There's also some level of fear that the kid would follow in his foot steps and end up in a nasty situation, Angel knows he's not exactly the best.. role model. He's more likely to ascend than be a father.

KISSES:

Oh he loves physical affection. Sure, a lot of it is going to be sexually charged. Diving into the romance vs sex side of things, it may take him a while to fully get a grasp on the difference between lustful feelings and romantic ones and how to act them out. Not all kisses and cuddle sessions need to end in intercourse. He loves giving you quick kisses, long kisses, kisses with tongue, kisses without tongue. He's not picky at all. His favorite place to kiss you is really anywhere on your face... but if you give him the chance he'll say his favorite place is more... down south

As for receiving, I think he stands at around the same.. point.. Yeah, point! Not picky when it comes to him getting affection!

PETNAMES:

He calls you everything under the sun. From schnookums to Honey, you've heard it all. He defaults to Baby and Babe, though. Tends to replace your name with something endearing unless there's something serious going on or he's trying to get your attention. Similar to the above segment he's not picky about what you call him, but he does seem to get this look in his eye if you call him something rather sweet and innocent.

QUESTION:

Oooo this ones tough....

He asks what your favorite position is/j

No, but real talk, I think if you two were alone and you're in his room... perhaps in one of your hangouts... he might let his walls slip a bit, ask you some real.. personal stuff, perhaps seeking some sort of validation or even reassurance. This is more likely after a rough day and after a drink or two.

TUNES:

Perhaps I'm biased because I've been getting back into Maneskin but I can imagine you two absolutely BELTING it to this song! Not exactly a "couple song" per say, but definitely a song that you two vibe with together!

As well as this song, for the same reasons above

Though I'm also picturing the Reader and Angel drunkingly singing Tally Hall's version of Just A Friend (while the pair are giggling and getting way into it, you know just having a good time!)

XRAY:

It depends on how long you two have known each other. Are you guys a quick fling that fell together fast, or were you both a slow burn? If your relationship formed quickly, he may be a little stumped on reading you.. which can sometimes lead to him being a little insensitive to your feelings and vibe. Or awkwardly standing there unsure of how to approach you, likely slinking away to let you handle it on your own. But in something that had left more time for the two of you to get to know one another, he's going to let you vent and complain to him. He can tell somethings off with just the tone of your voice or if your wording is a little off. You two aren't totally in sync, but he's not as clueless as the former.

[0809sysblings]

ok the more i go over it the more convinced i am that i may be right that the translation of Kotoko's interrogation answer is incorrect.

so now i want to give my take on what the translation could be.

here's what the question and answer is in Japanese:

Q: 「正義同盟」 を知っているか？

A: 何それ。 知らないけど徒党を組まなきゃ 正義を成せないなんてろくなもんじゃないね。

and my personal translation would be something like:

Q: Have you heard of the "Justice Alliance"?

A: What? No, I haven't. But, I mean, if we don't band together, we can't achieve justice, and that's unacceptable.

now i'll try my best to explain how i came to this translation.

何それ。

yep nothing to add really. "What's that?", or just "What?" if you want to sound more casual.

also "それは何？", the more textbook way of phrasing the same question has a different feeling than "何それ". "何それ" sounds a lot more curt. so "What?" or "What." just fits better than the full phrase of "What's that?".

知らないけど徒党を組まなきゃ

正義を成せないなんてろくなもんじゃないね。

"知らないけど" is just "I don't know, but...". so, so far this is the same as the translation by the unofficial eng milgram twitter.

"徒党を組まなきゃ" is where i start to deviate. なきゃ is a contraction of なければ. this is a negative conditional conjugation (one of them, at least. there's different ways to conjugate the conditional form of verbs in Japanese, but this isn't a Japanese lesson so i'm not gonna explain all that lol). this would make it "If (conditional) we don't (negative) [verb]..."

"徒党を組む", the unconjugated form of this verb/phrase, means "to form a faction/to band together". so now taking into account the negative conditional conjugation, we have "If we don't band together..."

using this specific conjugation is a very common way to phrase statements like "If we don't do x, there will be a negative outcome". the "there will be a negative outcome" part will depend on the context, obviously. "If we don't study for our test, we won't get a good grade", "If we don't sleep, we won't be in a good mood", etc.

this way of phrasing usually uses a double negative. so the conditional is conjugated in the negative and the possible outcome is conjugated in the negative. this double negative then makes the meaning 'positive'. which is why these phrases are usually translated as "We have to do x" or "We should do x". because that's the idea being conveyed. "If we don't do x, that'll be bad; so we must do it."

the 'outcome' in this sentence is "正義を成せない". unconjugated, this would be "正義を成す", meaning "to achieve justice". the conjugation being used here is the negative potential form. so taking into account the conjugation now, we have "We can't (potential, negative) achieve justice".

so if we now put "徒党を組まなきゃ" and "正義を成せない" together, that would give us something like "If we don't band together, we can't achieve justice".

now, this is all preceding "なんて". to keep it short, "なんて" in this sentence basically just acts as a ~spicy~ "は". "は" is a particle used to mark the topic of a sentence, so what the sentence is generally about.

this means the sentence is discussing the idea of 'not being able to achieve justice because we didn't band together for it'. the rest of the sentence is then 'about' this idea.

"ろくなもん" is made up of "ろくな", an adjective meaning "satisfactory/good/respectable/etc", and "もん", a contraction of "もの" which means... well it can translate to a lot of different things and also sometimes can't even be directly translated at all. i don't really think it's all that important to pinpoint how もん is specifically being used in this case. it's likely just being used in a sort of 'fluffy' manner to emphasize her point, so it likely has no direct translation and doesn't really impact the overall meaning of the sentence.

lastly we have "じゃない", which is making it so she's saying whatever she is talking about in this sentence (the main idea i stated a paragraph ago), isn't "ろくな", or "satisfactory/good/respectable/etc".

the "ね" at the very end is a sentence ending particle used when the speaker expects that the listener agrees with what they're saying (it also has other ways it's used, but, again, this is not a Japanese lesson lol). often this gets translated as ", right?" or ", isn't it?". but... personally i find that translating it as that can make it kinda clunky and less natural sounding depending on what's being said. so in this case, i've more or less ignored it.

if anyone disagrees with any of this or has any corrections (because i am definitely Not fluent and have lots to learn still!!), please feel free to say something! i do not want to be walking around in clown shoes honking my clown horn!

[azulasmommyissues]

ATLA sexuality headcanons, part 2, Roku's era:

due to the limited information regarding this era, i might just be spouting bullshit. but! it's mY bullshit.

roku

-bisexual, male lean

-he mainly dated men when he was younger because he was trash at talking to women, but after mastering the avatar state he actually started seeing women (because raava is a lesbian)

-he is the master of homoerotic friendships, i tell you. sozin? gyatso? sud? no heterosexual explanation for any of them

-with sozin, roku was oblivious as fuck. he loved him, but he could never pinpoint exactly how. there were many moments of unresolved sexual tension.

-he fell in love with ta-min because she's absolutely raava's type

-but literally wore sozin's crown until the end of hid life and keeps it in his spirit form despite everything??? roku, please.

sozin

-he is gay but he's also awful

-contrary to all I've written until now, these things CAN co-exist

-being the golden child, a direct azula parallel, and also obsessed with roku?

-the fire nation law allowing married couples to legally annul their married was drafted and ratified by firelord sozin at around 44BG on the eve of avatar roku's wedding

-and gay marriage was made illegal after roku died.

-and he banned dancing in his oldest bitterest years of being alive because roku liked dancing, “sozin, It's my wedding! have a cookie! dance with someone!” (he didn't)

-he basically proposed to roku with his crown bfr

-i imagine that he was the one to kill gyatso. personally.

zeisan

-absolute lesbian

-in the avatar universe the lesbian masterdoc is a philosophical text that she herself wrote

-SO sick of sozin's imperialist, fascist bullshit. girl same. be gay study philosophy.

-she canonically bore no romantic love for khandro and he bore no such feelings for her either. the marriage was strictly political and based on mutual respect.

-rioshon, on the other hand? the love of zeisan's LIFE fr fr

ta min

-you've got no idea how much I'm looking forward to getting to know her when roku's book comes out. she seems nice. the roku episode barely gives her any attention, though. she's definitely raava's type that's for sure-- not a coincidence roku wifed her up AFTER mastering the avatar state, raava had been WAITING

-the vibes are relatively heterosexual

-girl was BEEFING with sozin

-"may i borrow your husband for a moment" if i were ta min and that was my wedding day idc if he was the firelord he would have gotten his ass beat (/j) so she's definitely a better person than me

-I'm a big fun of the theory that each avatar has the face of their past life's true love and aang looks a LOT like her so i think her and roku are sweet

gyatso

-gay bitch

-i don't know i just genuinely can't imagine him with a woman,,

-he had feelings for roku which weren't reciprocated and a nice old homoerotic friendship. his difference with sozin is that he didn't commit genocide and he DIDN'T leave roku to die in a volcanic eruption

-he loved roku enough to settle for being his friend if it meant he'd be happy

-he would have protected aang with his life, he was like a son to him,,, and he reminded him so much of his best friend

-after gyatso caused so much damage to the fire nation troops, sozin came to kill him himself. and god was it personal.

sud

-bisexual

-another homoerotic roku friendship

-roku you slutty slutty old man

-sud was roku's bi awakening, in fact. obviously sozin was the first one he loved but he couldn't explain it or understand it back then. he was old enough when he met sud to figure it out.

-him snd roku had tea dates after training, come on now

-they were friends first and foremost, though, lifelong friends.

taqukaq

-bisexual but never realises. I have to imagine he's at least somewhat conservative since he's from the northern water tribe and all—at least at first.

-then again, he was very spiritual and soft-spoken since his childhood. he travelled the world as a diplomat and saw many different walks of life

-he was perhaps in love with his good friend nai, and that's why his betrayal shook him to his core and gave him such terrible trust issues

rioshon

-lesbian

-also asexual

-perhaps she also fought sozin during the comet.

-maybe it was more personal for her than it was for him.

-she mourns the life she could have had with zeisan, if only she'd spoken out. if only she'd been honest with her feelings. damn the consequences! sozin won anyways. they wasted their lives and their love for nothing.

khandro

-aromantic and asexual

-bro finds rioshon captivating and respects the grind

_____________________________________________

now... nyanchi, boin, ezra, zeebee, bo, chegu, ema, sherab, and norbu, etc, who all appear in avatar legends as regenerated characters—i actually don't know what to say about them. they barely feel like characters-and they're not really that connected to roku. i just want this era to get fleshed out like kyoshi's and yangchen's! like their novels were so good. I'm more excited to find out more about the past avatars than to get new avatars, honestly, but that might just be me.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

This will be a bit of a long rant, so apologies in advance:)

Okay so I figured out I'm ace 2 years ago and I'm fairly certain I'm demiromantic as I think I had 2 crushes in the past and both of those were boys I knew quite well and was friends with. But now I fear I may have a crush on my best friend... I still don't even know what romantic feelings are and if those are what I feel for her but I do know I feel different about her than my other best friends. I just don't know what I feel exactly but I have been having these feelings for like a year and a half now, so I'm pretty certain they won't just go away:( I know she is pan and she hinted that she might also be somewhere on the ace-spec, but never said anything for certain and I don't want to force her. I don't want to be intimite with her, I just want to hug her and cuddle maybe and maybe kiss but I don't know. How do you figure out what you feel and what you want? How do I tell her? I don't want to mess up our friendship and she is also my roommate so things can get pretty awkward if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way. We sometimes joke we're in a relationship and sometimes joke that maybe we do love each other, so then I think she might also like me more than a friend too, but other times she treats me like we're just good friends (which we are). I would be okay with staying friends and not changing anything but then sometimes I wonder what could be.... I thought figuring out that I'm ace was hard, now this is like ten times harder and I really don't like having feelings I don't understand.... Sorry this is all just a rant but I feel like I can't tell my other friends because I'm afraid they will laugh at me or pity me... Also, I can't actually say all of this out loud, I'm not really great with showing affection, so I just needed to get everything off my chest. Also you really helped me with tips to figure out if I was ace two years ago, so I wanted to thank you for that <3

I'm really glad to hear this blog's been helpful for you in the past! Yeah, feelings and attraction tend to be more complicated in real life, it's not always easy to figure them out or the categorize them. Especially when we're in the middle of actually experiencing them.

One thing you might want to look into is sensual attraction, which is a type of attraction that makes you want to interact with the person you're attracted to in a sensual or tactile way. So wanting to do things like hugging, cuddling and kissing can all potentially fall under sensual attraction.

Of course if that doesn't feel quite feel right, or if that doesn't feel like all of it, you could be feeling other types of attraction. One thing that might help is thinking of what you want to do feels a certain way, for example does it feel romantic to you? Does it feel like closeness but not necessarily romantic? Etc. How things feel to you personally can sometimes help pinpoint things more. The other thing you can do is imagine different scenarios and see what holds the most appeal. Sometimes it can be hard to separate what the attraction is actually wanting vs what you feel like you should want/have been told you should want, but if you can it can be helpful.

But for example if you feel like you'd be happy both as staying her friend or being in a romantic relationship, that's something some people who experience alterous attraction say sometimes. So that might be something to look into and see if it sounds like what you're feeling or not.

(Alterous attraction is a type of attraction that is neither fully romantic nor platonic, but may contain elements of both. Some people who experience alterous attraction care more about having a strong bond with the person they're attracted to than they do what form that relationship takes.)

Remember too that sometimes feelings and attraction can be a bit subjective too, don't be afraid to go with what feels right to you and what appeals to you.

As for what tell your friend, you don't have to tell her anything if you don't want to, or if you want the relationship to stay the same. Though if you do feel like it's worth the risk, sometimes it's easier to just start talking about it and see where things go. One thing you can consider too is that you can also tailor relationships however you and the other person want. So you can do things like cuddle if you want to, but still categorize that relationship however you want (or even choose not to categorize it at all).

But yeah, remember to do what feels right for you and just try and listen to yourself. All the best, Anon! And good luck!

[lakemichigans]

friend anon again, I think you were joking when you said ask me how I know about the addiction topic, but I would really be curious to know more of your thoughts on that (sorry if that's too invasive, you don't have to answer this at all, but I am curious!)

oof yeah i feel like i've overshared and made people uncomfortable, but if you're asking then i'm fine talking about it!! airing out my dirty laundry... 🧦

basically i just have a family history of addiction that goes back many generations on both sides of my family. myself, my parents, both sets of grandparents, and even my great grandparents have been affected by alcoholism and/or substance abuse at some point in our lives. some of them went totally sober, some passed away, some are still struggling right now and have been for many years. there's such a wide range of people in my family. yeah some fit the stereotype of the "typical alcoholic" and you could probably guess by just looking at them that they have substance use issues. but others are so young and put together, you would never know. 3 of them started their addiction with prescription pain meds because we have a lot of chronic pain in our family (i got all the good genetics huh lol), and the rest of us pretty much exclusively have a problem with alcohol. that's why it makes me so angry to see people imply that alcoholism is a lesser addiction when it has completely decimated my family 😒 the cherry on top is that my best friend since childhood has really similar problems and even though we try to support each other and keep ourselves in check, we both have ended up circling the drain like everyone else we know. so that's great

ironically my grandparents were casual meth users who stopped using meth quite easily, but could never quit drinking or smoking cigarettes no matter how many times they tried, and it was lung cancer that actually killed my grandma. i feel like that's a common misconception among people who don't know much about addiction; you would assume that a highly addictive drug like meth would permanently change your life, but every person is different and one substance may be a harmless treat every few months while another "lesser" substance will completely and utterly ruin your life. it's like how some people can do a few lines of coke at a party and look back on it as a fun college memory, but other people will have their world completely rocked by it. you just never know

i NEVER thought i would have a problem with alcohol. literally never. i was so hyper-aware of the damage it can cause and i took so many precautions. i never drank when i was in a bad mood, i never drank alone, i never drank in the day or super late at night, i never got so drunk i lost my memory, i never drank in unfamiliar places, i never drank to get through a menial task, etc. and i cant even pinpoint when or why that all changed. it all just got so fucked up. i don't like how i act when i'm drunk and i feel so embarrassed when i wake up and remember (or find out) what i said to people, so i prefer drinking alone but that's a whole other problem. i've nearly gotten into fights at bars with grown ass men, i've wandered around downtown and have no memory of getting home, i fell off a fucking rock ledge while hiking at sunset and yeah i can laugh about it but it's also like. i nearly killed myself and for what? because i was drunk and trying to take a good picture. i drink to make chores more bearable. i used to do my college homework tipsy. video games aren't fun sober anymore. i make unnecessary purchases while i'm drunk and that's on top of the financial burden that drinking already provides me. i'll take a hit of anything i'm offered while i'm drunk, and thank god so far that has only been weed or cigarettes, but drunk brandi would not even ask what it is. i genuinely can't bear the thought of talking about my feelings with people if i'm not drinking (even then, i don't say what i really want to say because my mind isn't clear enough to string a thought together). like every fucking aspect of my life has been tainted by alcohol and it happened so slowly that i never even saw it coming. and if it can happen to me, someone who was PREPARED, it can happen to anyone

i'm not trying to scare people, i just wish people understood how slow and insidious addiction can be. maybe then they'd have a little more compassion

but yeah, that's where i'm at right now 🥲 it helps to write about it and vent because i just don't do that in real life. and maybe this rambly mess can help someone else or at least put things in perspective

[vitaminseetarot]

Hi vitaminsee! I'd love to participate in your elements game if possible! Thank you so much for hosting this game 💕 - S 🦅🐥

Hi there, S 🦅🐥! Thanks for playing and for your long wait!

Your card is Fire:Candle:Star. Your fire element is reflected in the brightness of the stars. I think of the Polaris, or the Sirius star, the guidance of the north star. The star's light isn't bright enough to cast rays into the dark room, but it's enough to illuminate the mind of all the possibilities that life can behold. In a place where one can't see what surrounds them, whether that be through an unlit room or from the dead of night, the tiny pinpoints of light as a beacon that draws us upward. The stars, though far away, never fail to inspire our deepest wishes and the belief that they may come true someday. Your cards are showing that you possess a magnetic quality that draws others in to you. There's a subtle air of optimism, one that isn't rooted in toxic positivity but rather through an anchored, head-on-shoulders outlook to life. Regardless of how circumstances appear, the stars tell different stories, ancient ones. For centuries, stars have served as navigational guides, giving peace of mind to sailors traveling from sea to sea. Now, inwardly, they still guide us in the shadows in the same way that the fairytales and nursery rhymes of our childhood sort of glue into the brain. I'm getting a lot of messages here about stories, in fact. You may be feeling to create a story that inspires others to look on the brighter side of life. I also heard "bridge". Perhaps look up the story of the saint/goddess Brigid for some insight? I'm not sure what you will pick up from reading about her, but she is a deity of creative fire, smithing, and poetry. Her legend overall is very complex and interesting. So is your creative energy. You may be guided into some day bridging messages of hope and light with the rest of the world whether in speech or writing. Your words will resonate with people who seek comfort. You are influenced by the stars, which in turn influence you. This fire element twinkles in the sky with optimistic kindness. Dream alongside the stars, then share their light with rest of humankind.

1 - Fire:Candle:Star, 10 of Cups, Power

[asheanon]

🤠 So, among the Starlight/FFIX tangents I want to tan and gent over the coming week, I figured I'd start off with this one. (Since it has some more spooky elements, apt for spooky season.~)

TL;DR: It's more or less just another tangent on me realizing how Sal or any other Ethereal may interact with respective parts of a world. Instead of Dissidia's, however, today, it's Gaia/Terra/the general universe and planetary systems of FFIX! Has to do with mist. Has to do with Memoria. I'll be referencing bits of FFVII's Lifestream during this spiel as well, though, because there are connections and similarities.

💭

I've really been driving this point home lately: how Sal and all Ethereals are considered spectral entities; they can interact with incorporeal things (such as ghosts) and things like that. That being said, that brings up some interesting things to think about... (Some things I've thought about for The Anomaly - FFVII fanfic - that would 110% apply to Starlight - FFIX fanfic - too, I realized.)

Mako and mist are very similar, yeah? Similar enough given the fact that: they're comprised of souls, bear mutagenic properties and they're disorienting. Additionally, they are both an energy source, as well. Something an Ethereal could consume.

Anytime Sal came into contact with the Lifestream, it was a double-edged sword; fantastic Ethereal "food" source, albeit, the presence of souls - a spectral sort of existence one can still communicate with - actually make it more like a drug trip! Like, feels great. Also makes you feel insane, though. Scares you. The "sound"/feeling of all those different entities and their voices inside the "mind" is truly maddening! In game terms, it's like boosting up your stats while simultaneously inflicting confusion. God speed, basically. Hahaha!

Given that theory, I imagine Sal would absolutely react similarly to mist. The Ethereal instinct to consume it as an energy source would be there, but the idea of it bearing some level of sentience as well as the noise would put her off - and the similar drug-like trip she'd experience if she did did "ingest" it would very much make that a one time experience (if she could help it,) I'm sure! Consumption stuff aside, though, I imagine she hears that noise no matter what... hears a few little whispers in the mist, when in its presence... It's so spooky and I love it. Of course I would...!

Going back to FFVII and mako, think of it being a bit like Aerith and how she's able to communicate with ghosts and souls in the Lifestream as well. The only difference is I like to imagine Sal can't really single out voices in the Lifestream, still leaving that type of communication unique to the Cetra. She can hear them, but she can't distinguish them (not often or all that well, anyway.) A vast majority of the time, it's this overwhelming torrent of whispers and voices she can't pinpoint like Aerith can. And I'd like to theorize the mist "sounds"/feels the same. For FFIX and mist in particular, you have confirmation that those souls can be "heard"/felt in what may or may not be a somewhat similar way, thanks to Kuja and whatnot. I don't see why Sal couldn't "hear" them even without consuming them, given the mako and mist parallels along with Anon's (Sal's own respective story lore) evidence laid out.

So... in that regard: The Iifa Tree would be a headache for her. Haha! Memoria would be one too! While I don't know if she and the other main party members will be there to experience the FFIX version of it in any capacity, if they are (or they experience any rendition of such a thing) I sense it being a particular disadvantage of sorts for Sal to face. Though... there could also be some manner of appropriate advantage she could develop or find to be able to better tolerate it through the story... maybe... 🤔 (Similar to her getting a bit of a feel for magic, even though her ability to use it is often improbable if not outright impossible, depending on how the magic works; another disadvantage I have sadly cursed her with - in ALL stories. It's always a struggle. Custom Ashe curse. She's OP by default with all those cool Ethereal pros - I have to toss in the cons somewhere, you know?)

And I focus on Sal here (as I often do) but, spoiler alert: she's not the only Ethereal present in this story! I think it'll be pretty neat to see how any Ethereal character's experience with the mist might go. See how it might... tell on who they are, despite them trying to keep it a secret or how it might open the door to some pretty spooky scary situations and things like that.~

[stillmonsterz]

hello. i just want to say you are both incredible writers and i've personally read both of yours and hoonie 's works.

nobody deserves to receive hate on both sides.

did she plagiarize you? who knows— maybe she had, maybe she didn't. perhaps she might have gained inspiration from your writing before without even knowing or recalling it since there are way too many fics on this site to remember every single detail from every fic you've ever read (even i feel the same. i've wanted to write before, but i've read so many to the point i'm just scared of accidentally plagiarizing someone because i unknowingly get influenced by the multiple different writings i've consumed that people have put out and i can't exactly pinpoint every single scenario that's inspired me) but sometimes, coincidences can really happen, no matter how unbelievable it may seem because it's happened way too many times and way too similarly to even think of it as a mere coincidence anymore.

situations and scenarios repeat themselves over and over again. tropes get reused over and over. i've read fics from the same fandom that get very similar with each other, but i haven't seen anyone really bat an eyelash about it because they probably haven't noticed or maybe it's just because they are all accepting at the fact that we are all a bunch of people who gain inspiration from each other on this app and just honestly here to have fun and read and write what we love and enjoy the most. (obviously unless it's all flat out copying word by word along with characters and plot)

that's how a fandom is, that's what fanfiction is. it's all supposed to be for fun to enjoy the lores we find entertainment in and have genuine adoration for. to make other people happy and enjoy your works by indulging in a hobby that you enjoy doing yourself.

you can't fight everything or accuse every single person who has a similar scenario

because how will fanfiction work if it's not to get inspired by anything or if we all haven't thought of the same exact scenario at one point? it would just be too much to do that every single time to any person who dares think or write the same sentence another person does, it's very energy draining. please don't do that to yourself also. it's like an 'agree to disagree' situation.

i'm sure if she said she hasn't, then she probably hasn't to be honest. i know it's hard to believe, but coincidences like that can really happen. even the plot of her stories were completely different from your own though, it was just in those scenes they were really similar, so it's very plausible that things like that can happen.

i am not the best at english but i really hope you get my point.

there are clearly so many people on this site, you can't keep up with everything to every single post and every single fic and look out for a million different other users to see who you might end plagiarizing on accident or not/or who might be plagiarizing you (whether on complete accident or not)

who knows maybe even yours could be eerily alike to somebody else's work too without you knowing— and that person could also just up and post the same screenshots and accuse you of plagiarism straightaway without discussing matters with you first. it definitely wouldn't be a nice feeling and it can really be detrimental to somebody's state of mind because you've worked hard on it, right, but then you end up getting accused of plagiarism in the end over something you didn't mean to do at all.

you've said "i hate engenes" and i am going to assume you know how messy it can get in this fandom, so rather than posting her @ and a screenshot of her story next to yours for everyone to see, maybe adress it to her privately from the start and clear things up with her personally before making posts about it and saying things like, "if you're going to copy my fic atleast do it well" because that's not nice to say. things wil only become messier if that's how you address the situation :( yk how crazy it can get on enhablr and how 'too much' they can be so it's not hard to believe that they will actually go and harrass the other person without thinking their actions through and through.

people won't focus on the , 'don't report her' , because you know once they see those receipts (the screenshots you've provided), they most definitely will run away with that and send any type of harsh thing they can say to that person to have it taken down immediately.

please i suggest you to take down the screenshots you posted and all the other uncalled for things you've said about her and the situation and continue these matters in private because it has genuinely affected her and her state of mind and i don't want it to start affecting you too from the guilt that might eat at you or the insulting things people throw in your inbox.

i do not want to see two amazing writers have a dispute over a situation that should be handled in private and not for the gaze of idiots to see and attack whoever seems 'right' or 'wrong' and have our own favourite writers get driven off of this app due to the unnecessary hate.

you really don't deserve the hate coming from her side of the followers as well so please, please ignore anything anyone says that just flat out insults you rather than thinking about what they're saying and talking about it rationally!!! please only mind those who are actually trying to see this in a non-biased light and want to help.

once again, you BOTH are very talented writers so i don't see the point in making a big fuss over this like please people and the followers on both their sides— if you see this just seriously stop sending hate because we are all here to enjoy and read from these gifted writers— not attack and throw around death threats at each other, wtf have we become :( that's not who we are so let's calm down and be kinder to one another :/

and i just want to remind everybody that it's just enjoyment and fanfiction at the end of the day, something we should do out of love and enjoyment for, so nothing is absolutely WORTH sending death threats or insults over. like be fr right now do you really think we should all have each other by the throats and threaten to kill one another online? that's so embarrassing, just please stop and look at yourselves 😭 if you think that way just please go outside and touch grass. please.

there is no need for competition to back up your favourite writers, they're both undeniably GOOD and that's that. don't make it seem like a competition or that they're trying to outdo each other and make the other seem better because they're both really impressive in their own writing.

i hope you resolve this with her privately and come to terms with this matter. that's all i'm hoping for. i wish you and her a very pleasant day.

1. It's been resolved. She has chosen to leave the platform, and I'm not sure if she would want to hear from me any further. I've spoken my piece, and she's spoken hers.

2. I'm keeping the screenshots up for a bit. If the similarities are so miniscule, then surely no one would be swayed by them. I'm not going to back down on my stance. I don't feel any guilt, either. I do feel remorse at the way I handled things, but I did not direct my followers to send her hate.

3. You're right that I wasn't nice. I've apologized for how I've approached this, and I've apologized to the writer directly.

This is the last time I answer an ask about this situation. I'm done with it. I've said all I've wanted to say.

[dinoburger]

"(also Orange anon if you're out there, I think we did cover a lot of this before, yes, yes yes yes)" aye yeah, I'm still out here 👋 -- I've been neck-deep in a different fandom these past few months, so it was a neat surprise to pop in here and see that mention, ahaha. Very opportune timing!

Boy howdy, that leaked seventh chapter... I'd written it off as a bunch of bunk, in light of @/wachtelspinat mentioning that the comic's script isn't done yet. But even without that consideration in mind -- the leak's contents seemed nihilistically final, to me? I had a hard time all those months ago (while the leak was making rounds on social media) picturing it as the comics' legit end destination -- but that may just speak to my lingering (if frayed) sense of hope, lol.

... At the end of the day, though... yeah. I do think that several of the comics' plot beats don't hit as hard as they could; whether that's down to the tone, chosen medium, or pacing (or all three?) in any given instance is a toss-up (for me; I'd have to sit down and seriously think about the writing more) -- but I agree that there's very little time allotted to exploring what happens. And regardless of whether that comic 7 leak was pure baloney or something that the writers were actually workshopping... eh. If it feels like closure, then it can be closure. Perpetual plot-limbo's never stopped other fandoms I've been in from creating whatever they want, at any rate.

"It makes is clearer to me that the way I want to approach this isn't "fixing the comics" but a "what if" from the perspective of someone not beholden to corporate quota and having to match or escalate the tone of the last entry in the series…" and I heartily approve of this, if it's something you wanna do 👍 I'm fond of your work (in general; including stuff outside of TF2), so I'll merrily follow along either way.

Wish I could talk more, at this particular moment in time, but my deadlines are approaching and so I must go tend to them. Take care. -🍊

glad to see you're still around - no worries, I think I've already covered quite a bit of ground. tbh I don't think it is quite nihilistic because of that structure less focussed on cohesion and more on how hard it can throw the next curveball - it's essentially asking you *not* to think too hard about the implications but to feel sort of stunned by the sharp change in direction.

Even if it isn't a play-by-play, the way it tapped into the pattern, on reflection, exposes the forest instead of the trees, know what I mean? Like there is a structural funnel there that looks much clearer to me.

They can't ever go back to having a serious story with absurd humor because it has fundamentally become a nonsensical story loosely supported by interesting characters, the logical trajectory is to keep upping the ante. Anything they do now that might be serious or hold weight will be undercut by everything that has led up to it, insisting not to think too hard. I can't be mad about that.

I think coming at it from this angle makes it easier for me to pinpoint and delineate what didn't work for me, as opposed to retreading the cosmos of smaller decisions made in line with this pattern. I think it also makes theorising about what could've been all the more interesting, because in recognising those decisions, you start to consider how a different writing philosophy would've effected the story overall.

Well. I think a lot of this is mostly to say "I'm going to think way too hard about tf2 lore, but on purpose now"

[muraenide]

Jade actually has a lot more fears than he cares to let out. As anyone (twst players) may already know, Jade generally upholds a polite and soft-spoken facade, but his true intentions are always something more which he keeps extremely subtle in all his interactions. It's complicated because Jade doesn't lie, but he's not always the most forthright about his intentions. He inserts hints of them in all his conversations and whether they get picked up by his conversation adversary is a large hit or miss, sometimes it's heavily depending on how well they know him. From canon, Floyd is the only one who truly knows how to read his body language. Floyd clearly knows Jade's words are never to be trusted, and instead, he watches for the hints between the lines and Jade's body language, which are often where Jade's real intention lies. Azul comes up a close second, but I noticed that Azul has never been able to actually accurately pinpoint what Jade's real intentions are and instead, he'll ask questions, "What's wrong Jade? You're not yourself." this is the main difference that really sets Floyd and Azul and their familiarity with Jade apart. Floyd doesn't ask questions, most of the time he just knows.

Jade is a master of smoke screens and distractions, but by the end of the day, he does actually have a conflict with his inner self (a lack of direction in life), which can be studied through his lack of consistency and wayward behaviour. Floyd and Jade are incredibly similar, but they are different. Floyd gets bored of things and decides he's outgrown them and discards them, but often knows what he wants. Jade can't decide which one he'll end up liking and so he tries all his options hoping to one day land on the right one for him.

He fears loneliness. Jade mentioned once in beanfest that "I feel lonely when I'm without company.", which could either be taken as a joke or he's actually serious about it, but Jade does seem like he enjoys having people he likes around (Azul & Floyd). He's never left them even if their goals are not aligned. Jade does not want to think about what will happen once their life on NRC ends.

He fears losing control of Floyd. Jade does not hold control over Floyd in a toxic way, but he fears them drifting apart and he fears it'll be too late when he realizes Floyd isn't the Floyd he used to know. Jade tends to get a bit more aggressive than usual when things concern Floyd, such as hearing from the students that something happened between Floyd, Ace, and Leona's group. He proactively approaches Leona going "What happened while I wasn't there?" Jade's not the sort who will drop his front for the sake of information. It can be interpreted as either jealousy or the delusional of "losing control" if Floyd happens to not have mentioned it to him. He doesn't want to lose Floyd.

He doesn't fear this, but he loathes the day he'll have to say goodbye to Azul. Azul has so few friends, but the case is similar for Jade. Floyd is possibly the only one who makes friends easily without fear of distrust or feeling the need to keep his guard up. Jade and Azul are on high alert almost all the time. Jade is possibly a bit more delusional and far more worse than Azul as he tends to envision the worst in people even before Jade really gets to know them. Jade doesn't trust or distrust people, but he keeps their words at arm's length until he achieves some sort of proof that they can be genuine. Floyd is the only person he trusts fully, but Azul is one of his few and only childhood friends. Jade doesn't fully trust Azul, but Jade likes Azul. He likes him enough to not want any unnecessary harm to come to Azul (harm that Jade and Floyd attract and that had been part of their life ever since they were born), and the outcome of this realization is that Jade knows he'll one day have to say goodbye to Azul, and he loathes for that day to come.

There are so few things Jade can't afford to lose, but they're also the only things Jade really ever had. In the worst scenarios, he stands at nothing to lose for the atrocities he does. As such this encourages his boldness and daringness to take things to levels beyond the accepted standards.

[faithdeans]

hi you can post this or not ! whatever you’re comfortable with. tw for talk of sa and internalized aphobia

so i was taken advantage of when i was in middle school by another middle schooler (someone who was convinced he was my boyfriend) and suffice it to say, it was not a good experience. i havent really dated since and i definitely havent had romantic or sexual feelings since. i think i had a crush on a kid before when i was in fifth grade, but it was so long ago i don’t remember.

sometimes i wonder if i’m really acearo or if i’m just so put off by relationships and so sex averse because of that. i do like smut but i panic whenever anyone references anything sexual in person in anything but a serious and calm tone. i’m nearly twenty and i still request my friends don’t make overly sexual jokes around me because of how averse i am to it all.

i’ve never understood romance, but i do enjoy romance books and fics. often reading fics i find that the romantic relationship is just a different type of relationship, and that there’s also deeply platonic roots in it. that makes me feel okay about maybe trying romance one day, but i really have no desire other than having a roommate to take care of a dog or cat with.

so yeah, sometimes i wonder if i’m really acearo or if i just need to work through trauma. the sa happened before i even hit puberty, so i really have no idea if i would have still been ace had it not happened, you know?

i don’t mean anything offensive by this, i’m just self conscious and wanted to talk about it with someone who might understand. if you’re not comfortable with this message, please don’t feel pressured to respond in any way. if you’d like to give me a response but not post all of this, i’ll sign it with an anon name to refer to me as :) if you want to post all of this and answer directly, that’s cool too. i’m very okay with having my story out there if you think it could help someone else out.

i know you’re mainly a supernatural blog, so before i go: sickly dean for life <3

-> confused ace anon

first of all hiii! thank you so much for feeling like you could talk to me about this, it means a lot and i will try my best to help. if you ever want to dm me, they're open (if they're not shoot me an ask and i'll turn them on), even if we're not mutuals or anything, i want you to know you can talk to me without any judgement <3

reply under the cut to save space

first of all i am so sorry that happened to you, you did not deserve that, and although it's a valid reason to, i'm sorry it's making you doubt your indentity too.

i want you to know, that even if your aroace identity was cased by your sa, it is still 100% valid. there is actually an entire ace microlabel for this, called Caedsexual, which is for aces who thought they may have been allosexual until the events of their trauma. it might be worth looking into that?

with that in mind, it is also entirely possible for your identity to change over time, and to fluctuate too. for example, i definitely think i was alloromantic for most of my life, but something changed along the way. i can't pinpoint it but i know it did. this is normal and doesn't make the way you currently identify any less real.

what you enjoy when it comes to fiction can be a good indicator of what you want yourself, but i personally disregard it. listen, i'm also sex-averse but i love reading smut. it's so fun. i don't even get off on it, it's just light reading to me. do i want any of that to happen to me?? absolutley fucking not. i don't even like being kissed that much. sometimes enjoying stories can be just what it is: a story. and sometimes it's fun to see characters do things you absolutley wouldn't. kind of the same reason people read horror you know?

so, to sum it all up: if you feel like you are aroace right now and you are comfortable identifying that way, then that's awesome, that's what you are. it can change, and that's perfectly okay too. remember it's a spectrum too, for example i find myself fluctuating between being greyaro and aro. this is all normal and fine.

what you read and enjoy in fiction doesn't always represent what you want. this is also fine!

it doesn't matter how old you are, if people talking about sex makes you uncomfortable, it's completely valid to ask them not to do so in front of you. this does not make you immature and anyone who makes you feel like it does deserves a punch in the face tbh.

all this being said, i 100% recommend you getting help for your trauma, just because you deserve to feel better in yourself. if along the way you discover that you're not actually aroace then ?? that's fine my friend! or maybe you will discover nope yep definitely aroace, and that will also be fine!

it's your life, and your identity, and as long and you're being honest with yourself in the moment, in this very moment in time, you really don't need to stress about it too much my sweet.

sending you so much love, and again, if you ever need to talk about it i'm here! i hoped this helped somewhat <3

[asking-jude]

So I just came back from a youth training and we'll. It was intense but I'm so proud of what I accomplished there. The project coordinators were genuinely really helpful. My issue is that I'm in love with one of them

So in love you don't get it it's not a crush

I'm 20 (and I have a boyfriend)

He is 28 and he has a gf

Maybe it's because I low key saw him as a supportive father figure who cared for me that made me fall that badly but idk

We couldn't be together too much of age difference and I don't know him that well. I just am so touched about how sweet he is. I genuinely can't get over him. I wanna be with him but I can't. He is from the same country as me

Do you want free, fast mental health help? Visit askingjude.org.

Hey love,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Acknowledging and processing strong emotions can seem overwhelming, but it is great that you have the self-awareness necessary for recognizing your feelings towards this person. I would recommend trying to talk through your emotions with a close friend or family member. Talking to someone with an objective viewpoint on the situation can help you precisely determine what specific thing is drawing you to him. If you do not feel comfortable discussing this topic with anyone, I would recommend journaling, which can also help you better understand your feelings. There are many different ways to journal; you can journal with specific prompts in mind, or you could try a stream-of-consciousness method. The stream-of-consciousness method is particularly effective because you simply write whatever comes to mind, and you don’t have to worry about grammar or sentence structure. There may be a brief period of trial and error before you decide which method works best for you.

Journaling can also help you recognize and work through the stress you are feeling about this situation, which will allow you to make an organized plan for what to do moving forward. As you mentioned, your idea of him as a supportive father figure may be contributing to your intense feelings. Pinpointing what specific thing is drawing you to him and writing out why you think you are having these feelings can help you determine whether or not you genuinely feel love towards him, or if you are just heavily infatuated.

Here is a link that talks more about journaling, its benefits, and how to get started: https://dayoneapp.com/blog/emotional-journaling/.

Next, although it may seem terrifying, I would suggest discussing this issue with your boyfriend, especially if these feelings persist. If you genuinely have feelings for this other person, it would be unfair of you to lie to your boyfriend and continue your relationship with him. Honesty and maintaining open communication is crucial for all relationships, and having a conversation with him will prevent any feelings being hurt later.

Here is an article that discusses some advice for effective communication with your partner: https://alchemy-of-love.com/expert-relationship-advice/how-to-communicate-relationship.

Love and emotions are incredibly confusing, so please remember to be kind to yourself. Striving to understand your feelings and maintaining honesty with your partner will hopefully help you through the situation.

I hope that some of this information was helpful. Please do not hesitate to reach out to Asking Jude again if you have any further questions.

Love,

Jordan Sadan

Ask a question here.

[steveharrington]

Sarah! Happy Birthday! I recently reread "things to come" since it's a personal all time favorite, and while it's both amazingly written and structured, there was just this "something" it had that made me go gooey in every way. It took awhile to really pinpoint what it was but I realize that it's how you view and characterize Steve as a whole. I know there's a largely accepted headcanon of Steve having unhealed trauma, unhealthy habits, and PTSD (very reasonable because all of the characters have been through so much), but in a lot of the other fanfiction works I've read, his episodes or possible symptoms are depicted in a very fetishistic way. In a way he is "babygirlified", or put into a submissive role that is more like an uncomfortable caricature of who he really is. This has shown up in general works as well as NSFW work.

Everyone is free to interpret things how they choose, but I have a particular itch I must scratch since I'm a lover of psychology and the affects of mental illness on the brain. I also actually really support the adopted headcanon of the Stranger Things characters developing some form of post traumatic stress as a result of the continuous near death experiences they've faced.

A direct quote explaining Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or C-PTSD: "Survivors with Complex PTSD have a very difficult time with emotions -- experiencing them, controlling them, and for many, just being able to comprehend or label them accurately..." [beautyafterbruises.org] this website actually does a great job of explaining the affects of this illness if you ever want to read about it.

This can be labelled as Emotional Disregulation. The symptoms and reactions aren't something to be romanticized: episodes can cause one to lash out in defense, lie for fear of what "is" or what they suspect is happening (could be a physical or emotional flashback), isolate themselves to feel "safe", dissociation and a low self esteem, guilt delusions that have your entire body feeling "wrong", an inability to see yourself as anything other than bad or shameful or different even when told otherwise, issues with memory. Your brain is working on a completely different level than someone else; all the cogs working ten times harder.

And I think there's just such a human beauty to how you depict Steve [as well as the other characters] because I very much see reflections of the real side of this illness in your characterization. Intentional or not. Yes, he is flawed: he was a bully, he lies, he makes mistakes, he gets defensive, and he pushes and pushes until his body can't bear it anymore. On all accounts, it makes sense why he's so willing to give himself up at any given chance and I wouldn't be surprised if he expects the people he loves to abandon him. Steve may be damaged, but he makes up for it in his loyalty and character. He tries and tries, a protector through and through, he's understanding and soft, kind and blessed with a snarky attitude, he loves deeply and gives it his all even when it's unrequited. Most importantly though, despite Steve being a contender for mental illness in this form, you still stay true to him as a person. He isn't boiled down to be this one dimensional post it note of a character. You've executed this with all of the cast actually - they feel fleshed out and real and so so human. You emphasize the importance of connection, of care, of patience and understanding. Whether that's through his friendship with Robin, his interactions with Jim and Wayne, or his relationship with Eddie. To have true friendships, people that truly care to sit with you through the ugly side of things, it's amazing. You've written a delicious piece of literature that has so many layers; I still find myself studying how you did it. But I'm so glad you did. I cannot wait to read your newest update as I'm sure it will be just as good as the last. This message extends to @lesbianrobin since they seem to be your "partner in crime", blessed thanks to the both of you.

🧜‍♂️

THANK YOU this is so sweet and means so much to me <3 :’) i spend so much time thinking abt how everything that’s happened would affect steve, and if the show doesn’t want to talk about it then i will!!! i was also a psych major so i am glad i can at least use my degree to write stranger things fanfiction hehe