#i think I'll need to go home
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my grandma is dying :/
#probably at least . they've given her abt a week to live but they have also said that before. so#i think I'll need to go home#thoughts#it's okay it's been coming for a while & she is 93. but :/#she & her part of the family have been such a big aspect of my life for so long & she's the ladt of it. pretty melancholy in a lot of ways
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#mine#doctor who#dwedit#david tennant#dw spoilers#i did not see nearly enough gifs of him squishing his face like that so here :')#dw is back this week!!!! s c r e a m#but also i probably need to be at work on saturday and i'm just gonna be thinking about dw the entire time#and i'm gonna have to avoid all spoilers on my phone until i get home#it's going to be absolute torture#i mean i could watch it at work but i'll be unpacking my classroom#and i gotta give 10000% of my attention to my beloveds#BUT ANYWAYS#SOON!!!!!!!!!
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And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...
#moral orel#orel puppington#adult orel puppington#moral orel fanart#my art#guys it's Iris by the goo goo dolls 🤑🤑 this song has beautiful lyrics literally each part#You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever beAnd I don't wanna go home right now#I'd put the entire song jajajajakjdkenen#Heavily inspired by Marnie's art of Orel with Where Is My Mind lyrics 💙💙#also this heavily inspired by some MCR art I saw...#bro thinks he's in Fight Club ‼️‼️#he's so me I'm so him#I need to be punched until I bleed <3#Maybe I need to shut up#if I do a lot of lyric art with Orel this was the beginning of an era 😭😭#aughghghhh debo pasar otro día deseame suerte...#too lazy to fix any mistakes in my tags 😢
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my twitter drafts are fucking crazy. ma'am do you like. need something.
#the full range of human emotion. the FULL range#I'll repeat myself here I do in FACT. need to go missing#i made myself laugh reading those. hm. huh#i was really onto something with eat the documents.#but yeah i do need to be put into a home. i think.#not that i'm not Correct in all of these unborn tweets.#sergle.txt#I wish I had timestamps and dates on this. I could use it to track the last time I ovulated
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#wailmer#he so Appy !:) he so smile. devil may smile#those tiny little eyes up there at the top really make this guy#i don't actually know if this guy even remotely compares in size to wailord. but i think it'd be funnier if they don't. for canon#imagine someone who doesn't know a lot about pokémon gets a wailmer or something. and they keep them. but then they evolve#and fucking. have NOWHERE to go but now they're attached to their trainer so it's a whole thing#that's a little sad actually. what the fuck. how big is this bitch hold on lemme check#only about 6 feet apparently? so. small*ish*. all you wailord owners out there (or some of you who may be wailord yourself) do your best#i believe this'll be posting on the day i should be heading home from california. because i remember posting the one yesterday and thinking#that but i was wrong. so i think this is the one that actually will. so. again good luck future me#i'll perhaps need it
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I've run out of ideas...
This is most unfortunate.
#welcome home#clownillustrations#digital art#wally darling#fanart#welcome home art#welcome home wally#Ah. The beauties of being an artist.#I don't know#Uhm... I guess you can like#make suggestions and stuff in my inbox and I'll see what I can do.#These were going to be coloring practice but I stopped as you can see.#Oh how I wish I could just draw without needing to think.
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My parents bought their 4 bed 3.5 bath house 32 years ago for $145,000 (originally $200,000). This summer a similar house a block away (similar age, 4 bed 3.5 bath, slightly smaller lot) went up for $800,000. It's since been reduced to $650,000 and they put some more work into it, but it's still on the market. I know interest and investment and overall cost of living raise prices, but that just seems like highway robbery to me.
#stupid rant is stupid#one day i'll own a house#maybe next year#still trying to get my health figured out first#one major stressor at a time lmfao#i do go have my food allergy testing today so maybe i'll learn something#i'll keep my hopes low lol#might have to call my surgeons nurse again#i needed one more quiet day at home to do nothing#but yeah the neighborhood i'd really like to buy in has older smaller houses#and theyre all going for 300 or 400 k i think#where they went for 100 k#the math aint mathing and im not good at math but i know that much#at least groceries were surprisingly cheaper yesterday#i got broccoli for 1.45 a lb#that hasnt happened in YEARS
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Aw man...
#Vent incoming wee woo wee woo#Goooood man I feel so. Stressed and anxious cuz of my job#I hate it. I hate trying not to cry every 5 minutes#I hate the feeling in my chest. It's like someone is poking really hard into it#It's almost suffocating#I feel awful. Every little thing makes me angry. I don't want to be angry at ppl who did nothing wrong. I don't want to be like this#I really wish I wasn't like this. Why can't I be more calm and normal#I feel like I need a good cry. But I don't have anywhere to go for that#When I'm at home I don't feel like crying cuz I purposefully distract myself from stress#But I do feel like crying at work#But ofc I can't cry at work#And even at the end of the Day when going home I'm too tired to cry. Plus it would look weird for other ppl walking by...#I hate this. I get all stressed durring work but then I can't let it out#I have work rn. And tomorrow#I'm just gonna have to feel awful until my Days off come#God. I really hate venting. I don't like ppl seeing me like this but. I don't have anything else left to relieve the pain#I just don't know what to do anymore#Where to go#Whatever. This feeling will go away eventually#It will come back ofc#I just wish there was a better way to ease the pain. But again. I don't have a place for that#So I'll just have to seat w these feelings until they go away#I'll try to keep myself distracted. Which will be hard cuz I. Am at work. The place which makes me feel these things in the first place#But whatever! I'll try anyways#I'll look at art. Or I'll think about characters that I like...#Save me fictional characters. Save me!!#Anyways. Vent over 🎉
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hmmm thinking about how both Knuckles and Licho have been stuck in a single place for as long as they remember, Knuckles completely isolated and Licho unseen by anyone for a very very long time hmm
#licho learned to possess people but it chose to be violent about all of that#lmao#still figuring it out I'm thinking what skills my little thing could have I have some ideas and others I'll polish some time later#I was thinking about how this entire au. Beyond meeting licho is about knuckles looking for the pieces of the master emerald#so he can be guardian again. basically#and while the me is Knux's purpose and collecting all its pieces will allow him to return Home hes also basically trying to return#to the way things were originally where he was stuck on angel island. basically forever#and licho wants that emerald so it can finally free itself it's like the opposite thing for both of them#god I wanna write something about this but I wanna start for them beginning and that's like a year in the past brother#many things have happened#fon knux to end up in spiralside and spiralside ain't the end either sncnskckd#pls forgive if this isn't written very well I'm not feeling up to writing my thoughts rn I'm just thinkingggg#thinking sooo hard rn#licho the spirit#I need to go to sleep it's 5am again but I had a nap and I can't sleep anymore urghhh#distorted vagueposting
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While we're here: thinking about Gaku coming out.
Gaku who is bisexual and more or less comfortable with that fact. It's a part of him, why shouldn't he be?
But he knows full well that his father would not be.
Sosuke's not a strictly prejudiced man. He is perfectly comfortable with Anesagi, and with Re:vale, and receiving affection from another man bothers him no more than receiving affection from anyone.
But if it were Gaku...
Gaku's supposed to be a sex symbol. It's what he was trained for. What he was bred for, the singular reason his father bothers with him at all. It's been drilled into him from adolescence, ever since he hit puberty and graduated from generalized "how to be a star" into "how to make women love you."
And Gaku doesn't really care that his father would disapprove. At least, he tells himself he doesn't. The old man never approved of anything he did; why should he start now?
But still. He wishes he would. Wishes he could be as true to himself as he pretends to be. Loud and open and proud.
But it's fine. He likes women. Loves women, even. And if he has to keep his interest in men a secret, well. Just another sacrifice for the sake of his image. His father's image.
#this was supposed to be “gaku comes out to his father specifically” but it ended more general#maybe I'll write out a gaku yaopapa coming out scene at some point#i think Gaku would be brash about it. very “this is me and you're gonna deal with it whether you like it or not”#but inside he's a 5 year old kid again desperate for his father's approval#that or he just brings home a man one day and tells his father to deal. but i don't think he'd force anyone else to do that with him#no need to drag some unsuspecting lover into his father's reign of terror. especially when sosuke is known to go to extremes to get his way#he'd probably consider in. fantasize about it. and then dismiss the idea#anyway. I'll think about it some more#everyone loves some good old fashioned Gaku angst right#idolish7#i7#yaotome gaku#gaku yaotome#~k
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I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.
#I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep within the last 48 hours and I'm still behind in my classes#I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up at this point#Just grinding constantly for hours every waking moment of my life#I'm stuck wondering the same things#'When will it slow down?'... 'Will it actually ever slow down?'#If it doesn't i don't think i can keep up#Full time in college and full time in work#However#every time i try to speak my troubles or stress to someone they just chuckle#and ignore me saying ''well college is like that. welcome to the adult world''#Why does college have to be like this? why is everyone so fine with this?#I'm very unmotivated right now#My grades are all low despite the numerous 100%s I've been getting#And they're not going back up no matter how many A+ s I get on assignments#I don't like talking to people - it scares me terribly#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say#I like to think of my job at my second home#at least that's not too hard and i love the people#But I just need things to get less intense school-wise#Just for me to get a decent amount of sleep please#Just a little bit#Please#i don't know#I'm not going on hiatus no worries#I love my blog dearly and cannot abandon it for my mental health#I just need encouragement#Because I'm so tired#Sorry for the rant I hate to vent#I'll delete this later if i remember#💬
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yesterday i suddenly got so sick at work i barely made it home 🥴
#not me talking about overworking myself just a few days ago omg... my body really said if you don't stop i'll do it for you <3#i should be writing my thesis bc the first chapter is due this sunday but i feel so sick i can barely focus on anything#so i'm thinking about doing nothing today... maybe i'll watch a drama from my bed. haven't done that in a while#but starting tomorrow i need to write 😭 well at least i don't have to worry about going to work#yesterday i told the nurses that i feel like shit but i didn't want them to think i'm overreacting#but then i measured my temperature and it was 38.2° heh. i barely ever get fevers so that was unexpected#they told me to go home immediately but i had no one that could cover for me so i just continued working#and today i don't really feel any better#the only medicine i got is the ibuprofen so i guess i will have to go to a pharmacy. but i don't feel well enough to do it 😭#ughhh everything sucks 😭#k.txt
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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slow wifi wishing you a very die
#leafposts#its not even loading the text editor atm im writing this while i wait#raaaaaaah im so like bored (consequences of staying at home every day & refusing to go anywhere) n i was like oh i know i'll go on neocitie#nope! can't do that!#cant even put music on bc i dont have a lot on my ipod#cant put more on my ipod bc you need wifi to download music#i might become the joker what do you guys think
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joining the ranks of homeless transsexual slut puppies
#woof woof#iiii so very unfortunately need to find actual legal advice because I think I have a case against my ex for illegal eviction#and want to know what I'm entitled to bc it might be thousands of dollars???? for making me fuckin homeless when we have a lease#either way I don't have a home after july. and i already was crashing w friends so much may & june i feel I've overworn my welcome#just gonna go to a shelter at this point bc wth else do I do. I'll see if I can keep some clothes & like my laptop at friends places#and I'll just keep trying to find ways to make money (have been trying and failing for years. feels hopeless but there r no other options)
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SOMETHING in my apartment smells BAD but i cannot tell WHAT
#maybe im just coping and need to accept that my tiny apartment will smell bad with two cats#but i still choose to believe that there is something i can do about it 🤡#currently flushing out the kitchen sink drain with baking soda lemon juice and boiling water#idk im just so paranoid that even if i think i've fixed it i just won't be smelling it bc of nose blindness since i live here 😩#but im going home for like a week for thanksgiving so i guess when i come back i'll probably be able to smell any lingering grossness lol#p
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