#i talk abt it privately but i never do this publicly until now

[frostbite-the-bat]

OH MY god ill say it out right i dont like saying it but i m having an ill moment ok eve just saying it kinda triggers my oversensitive brain and i mean that literally but if i see any chip hr ship im blocking on sight i seriously block everyone who does it and im super strict on it and if u like it sure cool just if you post about it know i will a 100% blcok u bc just seeing that makes me genuinely break down because do you guys thing ive ever seen a therapist for any of my problems. i dont haute ppl who do thgis im all of ppl doing what they wanna. just know if this starts showing up again w the event i will block you. if you will do that genuinely please please i beg you stay away from me . i sound like a whiny 12 yo with a dni like this but this is my numebr one no no thing because i love obsessive attachments to fictional characters and mental illness

please know if i joke abt blocking a lot of other hr fans this iswhy :sob: can yall see this thign as a standalone guy pleaurse (dave buck dont count these r a package) without forcing other fan favorite 'hot guy' into it thanks

crhrosit almgithy they neeud to put me On Meds 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i was like this over spamton too except i didnt like him That Way . idk which is worse but roll guy causing me slightly more distress now bc its a small fandom . coughing up blood rn

[brainrotheartrot]

hi hi yes hello,, first off i just wanna say i LOVE your art.

second, this is kinda weird but i just joined the arcane fandom not too long ago, & it was literally only because i saw vijinx art. like all of my mutuals are into arcane & i never bothered to get into it UNTIL i saw fanart of vijinx a few months ago. something abt it just intrigued me. i honestly never cared for caitvi.

however i wouldn’t consider myself a pro shipper, in fact i’d deny that. this is the first time i’ve enjoyed anything like this & i have no idea why. however i do like hardcore dynamics, for example, ellie/abby from tlou. but of course something like vi/jinx is more “extreme”. well in my opinion.

i’m coming to you because i’ve been stalking a lot of vijinx shippers and i really admire their content, especially yours. it’s such a guilty pleasure of mine. but i’m too scared to interact with anyone, even on an alt. so i just decided to stay anonymous.

i was just wondering if you ever felt guilty the first time you started shipping them? i’d honestly envy you if you haven’t. and how & why did you start shipping them? feel free to rant abt them for as long as you’d like.

i’ve been hearing stuff abt how they weren’t always sisters, like in the early league days. i wish it just stayed that way because it bothers me to not be able to talk abt my favorite ships publicly without being ridiculed for it. but a fucked up part of me is glad that they became sisters. holds more weight, you know. i understand the appeal entirely.

i’ve also even been secretly drawing them but i definitely do not have the balls to post them anywhere😭

ANYWAY, i’m yapping, but just let me know anything about your experience with them, how you view them n stuff. and if you have any advice to give me or any other information pls feel free. thank u so much

ps. i’m totally reading ur fic in a bit

Aww, hey there anon! Thanks for reaching out, always nice to meet another ViJinx fan :) I'm glad you enjoy my art, and I hope you'll like my fic as well! (Also, if you'd like to send me your art privately, I totally promise not to show anybody. <3)

I got a little rambly in my answer there, so I'll put it under the cut.

Honestly, I only call myself a 'proshipper' because this is what modern fandom lingo dictates. I don't really gel with a lot of elements of 'proshipdom', if you will -- there seems to be some broad agreement that if you like Some messed up aspects in your fiction, you must like All of them. And I really don't! I ship ViJinx because I love their specific dynamic, not just because I'm hot for every taboo topic by default. I probably would've shipped them just as much if the show had just made them close childhood friends, for example. But I also have no issue with fictional incest ships, I think they can be fun and juicy.

Like you, I've always been really drawn to problematic and intense lesbian relationships. I like CaitVi plenty, and I think they're going to get a lot messier in S2, which I'm excited for. But ViJinx is just an insanely compelling dynamic. I love the toxic codependent yuri shit. I love the tenderness and the violence, their shared past that now feels completely inaccessible to them both, Jinx's obsessiveness, Vi refusing to give up the image of Powder she's clung on to for years... man, this shit just rocks, okay. I'm not gonna pretend that it doesn't.

I've never felt any guilt about shipping ViJinx, tbh. I'm a fandom oldbie, by which I mean I was around before the morality police took over, and everyone understood we were just here to mash Barbies and have a good time. I've shipped several incest pairings before this, and I've always had a blast doing it. And so help me god, I don't intend to stop now, even if my Twitter blocklist is twenty miles long. I just immediately cut out anyone who tries to start shit, and chill with my fellow weirdos. It's a pretty small circle, but it's a nice time!

If you do decide to make an alt at some point, I recommend doing so on Twitter, as I've been able to find more active ViJinx shippers there. I could rec you some nice people to follow. :) Thanks for reaching out!

[auspex]

brief mini announcement: after reflection. I'll be holding off on posting publicly about WoD - for now temporarily. I will still talk about it in private discords; im not dropping my games or anything... but yeah... just not comfortable posting publicly rn.

personal ponderings and ig reasoning for my choice below.

info for reference: https://www.patreon.com/posts/werewolf-5th-and-86463964

this is a must read if a modern WoD fan imo.

this is not an analysis or specific criticism as it aint my place (im white). i just wanted to vent. and over the course of writing this i decided not to post publicly about WoD for now. if anyone wants to discuss though, i would love to.

i mean in short i dont want to just sit on this info.

so w this werewolf stuff, for context, i only briefly skimmed 1 of its previews and so was holding opinions on it until after i read it fully. and already knew older stuff was anti-indigenous in many respects, (never read it for this reason so dont know details beyond the obvious issues with certain names being used) so now that its fully confirmed the new one is still bad in this way (v v v v disappointed) and the ppl who made it bad and are straight up anti-indigenous are still employed its just. like. ugh. what the fuck. i also didnt know so many of the ppl in old white wolf remained employees when paradox took over???? i fell for the rebranding AUGH.

+ outside of werewolf with outstar still having her position w seemingly no criticism or action or apology given???

theres of course also gonna be a bunch of people way worse than her employed too , that arent as public, so we dont see it, unless wronged former employees speak out about it. (which is very brave and essential. )

-

in the end i largely believe in the capitalist society we live in corporations are gonna be immoral at their core and that includes paradox. but i dont want to use that belief as an excuse to do nothing. and i feel perhaps i have used that as an excuse before.

sambrano said the following:

so, we have to hold their feet to the fire. but im not sure if im just misreading or stupid (really, probably just ignorant) but im not sure what exactly is the best thing to do. just express our outrage in someway?

if a boycott was organized i would join. but if one isnt? idk! and idk if a boycott is best. i want and need to hear abt what specifically ingenious and fans of color in general believe is best atm so i suppose my next steps are to just. listen. and see.

idk this is really bad. not sure what 2 do what 2 do.. hhmmhmhmh. just awful all around. my impatience is killing me but i must wait to see what others say.

it seems like when you get down to it the way WoD treats Native Americans specifically in this instance and overall non-white people/non-white culture is abhorrent. both in and out of universe. and i feel if im not careful i could be complicit as a white fan. so i want to proceed very carefully.

-

if you read, thanks for reading. i hope i can learn what should be done. in the interim...

im not dropping WoD - but something should be done to address this and until then. i dont feel comfortable posting publicly about WoD. ill still discuss OC stuff in personal discords unless others feel this is still inappropriate.

and im still posting on tumblr. just not WoD stuff. this may last a day, might last a week, may last who knows how much longer. but yes. wait and see ig.

[wetslug]

As a fellow neurodivergent scientist looking for a job that my brain doesn't hate, could you share a bit abt like. The demands of ur job? If that makes sense lol. I typed/deleted a bunch of word vomit like 5x for this ask jdkfldkf so basically how would you describe the pacing? Do you ever feel rushed? Should I even bother applying for a "grossing technician trainee" position if I struggle with very fine work due to slight hand trembling? I've recently got a bachelor's in zoology so I have a bit of experience with like dissection and microbiology but never actually worked a job that utilized anything I learned in college :')

yea no problem!!! ill post this publicly if this could benefit any other people but if u have any more questions or need help u can always message me privately (this goes for everyone) :^)

(ofc all this is valid for Edmonton, I can't rlly comment on other labs)

so, in my day to day job, i will gross specimens that range from the Simple Elegant appendix to a multi-organ specimen, and i typically spend between 5 mins - 3 hours per specimen depending on complexity. I'd say that the pacing in the grossing room is pretty relaxed, so I wouldn't worry! If you decide to go for that position, you will likely be encouraged to start fairly slowly on very easy specimens, and they shouldn't be expecting you to 'up the pace' until the specimens become routine. and tbh at my workplace, they value 'slower' more methodical workers because theyre much less likely to miss an incidental pathology. If they are actually encouraging you to speed through specimens, they're a shit lab anyway lol and they should focus on hiring more people

in terms of hand tremor, sometimes im shaky (due to caffeine oop) when doing gross motor functions but, when holding a scalpel or making purposeful movements, the shakiness dissipates. I'd ask if your hand tremor impacts things like writing, cutting things for cooking, etc? If it doesn't really, I think you're good! But I can't sugarcoat it, if you have a significant tremor then grossing may not be an option. However, I'd ask WHAT you'd be expected to do as a grossing tech there; in edmonton, we have techs that will only do 'pick and transfers' (i.e. moving biopsies from the container to the cassette), appendixes, and gallbladders, and this doesn't require a ton of fine motor control (if you can cut a baby carrot you could do all this stuff).

grossing actually hits a sweet spot for my ASD brain because its more of less an independent task. when i was training it was a lot of talking thru and asking questions (which tired me tf out) but now that im almost done, i mostly work by myself (though i ask questions to my coworkers all the time cuz they have more experience) which i love! the times when being ND does impact me are when i have to communicate with higher-ups, or teach a trainee tech, because I'm not too good at communicating in ways that make sense. However, that's a very small amount of my job and most is quiet grossing work where I can listen to music or a podcast at the same time to satisfy my need for multiple sources of stimuli.

so yeah id say go for it!!!! the worst that can happen is, you get the job, go for the onboarding, decide it's not for you, and say you're no longer interested. companies are totally used to that and it won't reflect badly on you <3

[musette22]

hey, it's the anon that sent in the thing abt rpf being iffy. i understand your points, and i don't have a huge problem with it if it stays in fandom spaces. i think my issue just comes from my own stance that celebrities deserve to not have their private lives speculated or written abt, even if it is just a fantasy. but i don't think you're necessarily being immoral or wrong, and i know that the speculating and writing abt celebrities is so widespread now that it probably won't stop. i sometimes just feel bad for the people that might feel violated by it. and, for the record, i also rlly don't like the "self-shipping" with celebrities either, as it seems pretty invasive. also, someone replied to my ask that you answered saying that i probably just don't like that you ship two men rather than a man and a woman, and that is absolutely not true, i'm a lesbian lmao. anyways, i just thought it was worth it to clear a couple things up. i hope you have a good day!! <3

Hi, thanks for sending another messages and clarifying a few things, I appreciate it! I also appreciate your stance about the private lives of celebrities and I do understand where you're coming from. Just for the record; you explained your issue well in your first ask and there was nothing that made me think you had a problem with same sex shipping!

The way I see it, most celebrities more or less willingly renounce some of their privacy just by becoming a celebrity - I'd even say that's inherent in the concept of celebrity/fame. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone, at least not in the entertainment industry, who is famed merely for their art or profession, and has never talked about their personal life or thoughts publicly (whether in interviews, at fan meetings, in their songs, etc.). If you're famous, people will know certain things about you, unless you try really hard to keep your private life completely private, but even then idk if that could ever be achieved. Of course, no one is entitled to know anything about celebrities - it all depends on what and how much they want to share with the public. And if they want to share some things and keep other things private, that's their prerogative and we should respect their boundaries in that regard. I would never demand (or even ask) information about a celebrity's family, relationship status or sexual preferences, for instance, if they didn't volunteer that information themselves.

But I can't imagine celebrity culture without a certain amount of fascination with and/or lusting after said celebrities, whether by their fans or the general public. I don't think it's possible to separate the two completely. So I don't think it's wrong or weird to privately think/speculate about their private lives, as long as you observe certain hard boundaries, which I've explained in reply to your previous ask.

If I'm not mistaken, the self-shipping you mention sounds like reader insert fic? If so, I wasn't even necessarily talking about that tbh, I just meant like, when you're on a train and you start daydreaming about meeting your favourite celebrity and what they'd say to you and how they'd fall in love with you and how they might kiss you etc. etc. That's something I think a lot of people (not everyone, but a lot, especially people who are 'fans', with more than a casual interest in a celebrity) have done at some point in their lives. And I don't really see how that's different from putting it down on paper, as long as you make sure the celebs never get to see it, just as they'll never see the thoughts in your head.

Basically, what happens in both cases is we put words in their mouths and make them do things in our imagination - in a way, they're almost just as much characters as fictional characters are, because at the end of the day, we don't truly know these people, and we certainly can't control them. I don't know if you saw what someone else in the notes of the other ask said as well, about Sir Ian McKellan? @misspluckyplum said that "Ian McKellen was asked on his website what he thought about 'real person slash'. He remarked, and I'm paraphrasing here, that those who were writing RPS didn't know the real him, therefore weren't depicting the real him, so how could he begrudge creative expression that had nothing to do with him anyways?"

That's how I personally see it as well. I met Sebastian once, and it was acutely clear to me that he was a stranger. Sure, I know a lot about him, but that's not the same as knowing him personally. The things I know about him are what I use to write my stories, but what I inevitably end up with is a character of my own making with lots of personal projection, sprinkled with some real life facts and mannerisms of actual people bearing the same name as my characters. I do see how that could entail a risk of objectification/sexualization, but I personally fantasize just as much if not more about these guys shyly confessing their feelings, holding hands, and raising babies together as I do about them having sex. For me, it's really much more about creative expression, and an outlet for personal romantic feelings, thoughts and desires, than it is about me wanting to completely know or - god forbid - control Chris or Sebastian or have a say in their lives.

I know you also mentioned that you would be weirded out if you knew people were shipping you with a friend of yours, and I understand what you mean. Some people will think it's extremely strange and invasive and it would be especially strange and invasive if you're a non-famous person. But like I said, by far the majority of celebrities will be aware that they've signed off some of their privacy in becoming famous. A few of them clearly hate that (which I think should be respected as much as possible) and some may be more protective over their personal lives than others, but generally speaking, I think if you habitually agree to do photoshoots, interviews and public performances or events, you're used to, and to certain extent even okay with, people being fascinated by you and wanting you/wanting you do do things.

Moreover, I've also heard about quite a few celebs who have endorsed or encouraged RPF shipping because they think it's fun or flattering, so in the end I think it depends on the person whether they'd consider RPF shipping invasive or not. I personally would not mind at all if I were famous and people would write stories about me and my best friend falling in love if that brought them comfort or happiness for some reason, as long as I didn't have to read the stories and people would not harass either of us about it. But again, that's a personal stance, and of course we can't know who is or isn't okay with it, unless they tell us. If they do know and they hate it, and they tell their fans to stop, I would of course respect their wishes in a heartbeat. But until then, I think it's okay to operate on the assumption that "what they don't know can't hurt them", especially if it's coming from a place of love and respect.

Sorry this got so long, it's just something I have a lot of thoughts and feeling about! I hope you have a lovely day as well! <3

[herotheshiro]

so i haven't read all of bj alex so this could be missing stuff. but i am think there really isn't anything to define MD. like he's always been said to be on of the kinder doms out there but how much exactly has he cared for chanwoo. i get that he is human and you can get wrapped up in your emotions but he went from being feeling guilty and using the safe-word for chanwoo to being petty again. like i get this dynamic can cross into uncomfortable lines in sex but still. like he knows chanwoo

has been abused but at the same time he hasn't done anything to help him. like i get that to a point chanwoo has said he enjoys it but what your doing now when he has maybe in some way thought you that place where he was safe to be bared and open is now being ruined and your just not seeing it. like i think he didn't want to lose that so he didn't tell him he liked him or whatever. MD is still taking advantage of his pain.

[ TW: PHYSICAL ABUSE ]

hopefully you don’t mind me replying publicly (lmk and i can take it down and just resend as private)! and also very sorry this got so long, i really need to learn to be concise for once. put it under a read more so i don’t spam ppl’s dashes with a huge block of text like i probably usually do

i’m not trying to defend asshole behavior but yeah i think it’s challenging to analyze these kinds of relationships as readers who have all the info but characters may not ... chanwoo has never explicitly told MD that he feels genuinely safe with him (iirc he said “i feel best with our current setup aka not dating”) so MD might feel that he’s just basically a (excuse my language) side-hoe that chanwoo doesn’t have any feelings for whatsoever so as a response he acted like that towards chanwoo ... 

i mean as you may have seen from my other posts, i do definitely agree that MD was being a real jerk and chanwoo does deserve to be with someone who is good to him but alas ... it all depends on whether or not you actively work issues out instead of it happening and then pretending it didn’t once it all tides over.

so i’m very happy with the developments in the most recent update though (spoiler if you haven’t read yet ... but chanwoo uses the safeword and MD stops the play immediately and chases the other sub out and verbally apologizes to chanwoo when seeing how upset chanwoo is). i hope the next chapter has them communicating their feelings better to each other and MD acknowledging his shitty behavior!!

re: physical abuse, i personally do not have any experience with it myself (thankfully) nor have i had a friend who’s had to deal with it (that i know of) so PLEASE do not blindly trust my comments on this ... but i would think it’s also very challenging probing into someone’s personal life like that. tbh i don’t remember the scene that well rn but i think MD probed a little and chanwoo was like ‘leave it’ so i think MD was definitely concerned but didn’t want to push to the point that chanwoo would shut down completely (bc i know from personal experience that when someone starts asking too much re: a personal issue i don’t want to talk about i’m not particularly receptive). also iirc, that was the 1st time MD had noticed the bruising and his later confession was an attempt to be like ‘i can help stop that abuse by being a SO who will not abuse you’ which is a little wack but it is what it is. i’m not sure abt the cultural differences bw korea (where this manhwa takes place i assume) and the west re: male physical abuse but it might also be a case where you just assume the guy can handle it himself (especially since i think chanwoo noted that he was usually able to get out of the relationship immediately upon the 1st instance of abuse).

anyhow tl;dr YES i do agree that at the first symptom of abuse you should definitely report it or say something to someone who could potentially do something constructive about it, but sometimes in the moment people may not do it bc it is a scary thing to do with a lot of social connotations. you are very welcome to disagree though, especially since i am talking mostly in theory and not as someone who’s had to deal with such a thing irl. but i do stand by this motto “it’s better to lose a friend than lose a life”

i feel weird with this reply bc i feel like half of it was me “defending” problematic behavior but of course i don’t condone ignoring abuse, i don’t condone being an ass just because you got rejected ... but it depends on how it’s handled in the story. some stories romanticize it, some stories don’t. and readers have access to info that in-story characters don’t so we have differing opinions of what’s happening. of course we have to note that chanwoo’s side story hasn’t finished yet so i’m holding out hope that the author will say what needs to be said.

thank u if you read all the way up until this point, i appreciate you sending me your comments!

[mcarfield]

McArfield fic (Tony night redux)

Ahahaha I am just FILLING EVERYTHING AT ONCE this is kinda combining the prompt for drunk Andrew/sober-ish James again with @jamespttr​‘s suggestion that Andrew just start publicly calling James his boyfriend before James even realizes they’re dating, lol, and obliquely her idea that they figure out the way they feel about each other is NOT a typical side effect of playing Louis and Prior, lololol, and also i’m throwing in this prompt for “fic where james teases andrew abt his answer for the fmk question at the tonys!!!!!” for good measure, lolol, with maybe a smattering of someone else’s prompt for third-person POV lolol, except then i also saw that picture of james and andrew and it just competely scrambled my brain so idek anymore *just bakes a giant cake of this fluff *

_______

It takes a hilariously long time for James to begin to understand that this thing that they do isn’t Andrew’s ordinary thing that he does.

Like when Andrew comes to the stage door after the show and wraps his arms around James’ waist and bites his ear, and people at the stage door start asking them if they’re actually dating IRL, and James flushes and ignores the question but Andrew hums and winks at everyone at once, and James eyerolls and has to un-derail his thoughts.

Like when they’re at the Drama Desk Awards and Andrew uses up his entire time praising James, and then blows James a kiss that James automatically catches when he’s coming offstage, and then puts his hand in James’s and laces their fingers together when he sits back down, like that’s just the way they are.

Or like when Andrew starts ordering James’s drink for him at bars without asking because somewhere over the past two years he’s learned what James is having, and so it only makes sense to return the favor, and James finds himself fetching drinks for Andrew, to be met with a soft, “Thanks, babe,” and a quick kiss on the lips.

Or the time Andrew gets way too drunk at some party they’re at over in the Ace, and he just kind of wants James’s hands on him everywhere.

“You’re supposed to be an amazing dancer,” he says grumpily, trying to drag James onto the dance floor. “Why aren’t we dancing?”

“Well, I don’t just give it away,” James says, laughing and letting himself be tugged forward into the throng of bodies.

“You’ll give it to me, though,” Andrew tells him smoothly, confident as anything, and slinks against him like they do this all the time, and they don’t quite wind up making out on the dance floor, but it’s a very, very close thing.

Actors are constantly hooking up and fucking backstage, and James is no stranger to this lifestyle, but he is a bit thrown not long after that when people start giving him and Andrew space when they enter a room and find the two of them together, like they’ve interrupted something private.  

“Did we turn a corner I missed?” he asks Andrew one night, tucking a lock of his hair back behind Andrew’s ear. They’re in Andrew’s dressing room, casually wrapped around one another, because that’s how they are, and Andrew hums and then snakes his hand up James’s shirtfront.

“While you weren’t looking, we took over the whole damn block,” he says calmly, and then he sinks to his knees and opens James’s trousers.

So then they’re fucking on the regular, and that’s something James isn’t altogether prepared to analyze, even if he did think it meant anything (it doesn’t), and even if he thought Andrew was prepared to deal with what it might mean for his straight-for-now status (he isn’t).

But it’s also good, good and natural and addictive, and, and dizzying. And that’s terrifying: James is the kind of guy who likes quick, simple, easy fucks, none of which this is; and it’s Andrew, and that’s even more terrifying; but it’s also Andrew’s body and hands and mouth and Andrew murmuring James’s name in that ethereal orgasmic voice; and Andrew’s perfectly Andrew-ish way of approaching sex. Like the way he will suddenly decide they should be having tantric sex or yogic sex without telling James first, or deciding to experiment with appendages that he then loses around James’s dressing room and has to spend a hilarious amount of time finding again because they tend to just fling stuff everywhere and deal with the fallout later.

And, and Andrew is Andrew, and James is leaving for Scotland after all of this is over, and nothing is set in stone, James knows that, and they’ve never talked about it, but then Andrew does some panel talk and refers to James as “my wonderful boyfriend, James McArdle,” and just completely glosses over the opportunity to clarify whether he means James and himself or Louis and Prior, despite the confusion of everyone around him.

And then Tony night, when Andrew jokes that he’ll marry Mark Rylance and then fuck all his other fellow nominees, and then slides his hand in James’s and says, “Unless someone brings me a better offer.”

“What, better than Mark Rylance?” James laughs. “You’re joking.”

“Well, I did say all my fellow nominees,” Andrew says. “Didn’t say which award.”

“You’ll have a long list of partners, then,” James says.

“And I’ll put you at the top,” Andrew says, staring shamelessly at James’s mouth.

Later, at the Carlye for the after party, he’s chatting with Joe and Zach about their favorite son of a bitch, and in the middle of kvetching about how difficult it is to stay in Louis’s headspace, he remarks, “And it’s so hard to sort out your own feelings from his, like, I don’t know how you and Stephen or you and Christian managed to extricate yourselves from what was happening onstage—” only to see them exchanging blank looks.

“Like, sexually, you mean?” Zach says. He laughs. “Christian and I never had that problem, I was already in a relationship, and we didn’t get wires crossed.”

“Stephen and I totally fell in love,” Joe says, “in a way, you know — like, we still talk all the time, we’re still incredibly close friends. But, no, we never confused our feelings for the character’s.”

“But you were playing them for so long,” James says, feeling like someone’s sucked all the air out of his lungs.

Joe looks at him and snorts. “I think you should probably go have a chat with your boyfriend,” he laughs.

James laughs, gobsmacked. “Apparently, I should.”

He doesn’t have to wait long, because Andrew finds them and beelines into James’s side. He curls his arm around James’s waist, and James follows suit automatically.

“Hey, lover,” Andrew says, kissing James’s cheek, and James unthinkingly presses a kiss against his forehead before his brain suddenly grinds to a halt.

Oblivious next to him, Andrew is asking, “Have the three of you had some kind of ceremonial wisdom exchange? Have you imparted unto my one and only all the secrets of prior Louises?” He giggles. “Prior Louises!”

“Oh, yes,” ZQ says sagely, casting a shrewd glance at James. “I think we’ve given him a full dose of our combined homosexual fairy dust.”

“Ooh,” says Andrew. He turns to James. “Sounds kinky,” he says. “I hope I get some of that glitter on me later.”

“You are a walking glitter stick,” says James.

“Then you’d better take me home and crack me open,” says Andrew calmly.

There’s a beat where James just stands there, his hands on Andrew’s waist, adjusting to the surreal reality that they’re here, they’re doing this, and he looks like a possessive boyfriend because he is one.

He takes a breath, turns and nods, “Gentlemen,” to Quinto and Joe, and silently pivots Andrew away from them and out of the room.

“Oh!” Andrew says. “You’re taking me somewhere, where are we going?” He laughs. “Actually, you’re frogmarching me, how adorable.” He lets James half-tug, half-shove him along the corridor and away from the party into the men’s lounge, which is not an ideal place to have this conversation but is, at least for the moment, empty.

“Ooh, privacy,” Andrew says.

The moment the door shuts, he turns to James and says, “You look so amazing tonight, I just want—” and kisses him, full and deep. James slides his hands around Andrew’s waist and kisses back for an intoxicating, breathless moment until he forces himself to focus and pulls back.

“Andrew,” he says, cupping Andrew’s cheek. “People are going to come in here, they’re going to see us together, they’re going to make assumptions. Is that what you want?”

“Yes,” says Andrew, “Now kiss me some more.”

“I am—” James laughs a little hysterically. “I am desperate to do that, but you’re a little drunk, babe.”

“Ugh,” says Andrew. “You’re so good at this, why do I have such amazing taste in sexual partners, I always get people who respect me when I want them to shag me.”

“Let me take you home and I’ll respect you all night,” James murmurs, pressing a kiss against his temple.

Andrew pulls back. “We’ve never done that, you’ve never stayed at my place.”

“You’ve never invited me.”

Andrew blinks at him. “I dunno how to do this,” he says blankly.

“What is this?” James asks him, honestly unsure.

“Be your boyfriend,” Andrew says, and James feels gut-punched for the second time that night.

“You’re leaving for Scotland,” Andrew says, pressing himself against James’s chest, “We’re not supposed to be doing this, I told everyone I was straight, and you should have won a Tony instead of me.”

“I don’t think those all connect up logically,” James says, pressing a kiss against Andrew’s wonderful, perfect mouth.

“James,” says Andrew, expelling James’s name in a plaintive little sigh. “You know I, we, this isn’t just—it’s not, right?”

James takes Andrew’s hands in his and stills him. “I know, sweetheart,” he says.

“Good,” Andrew says. “Because it’s really, really, really not.”

James smiles and kisses him. Beside them, the door opens and immediately whoever’s behind them sputters, “Oh! Oh, gosh, sorry, I—”

Andrew breaks away and beams, “No, no, come in, I’m just making out with my boyfriend.”

James turns apologetically to the person beside them — who is, of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber.

“Sir,” says James dumbly. “I mean—My Lord? Sorry. Er. Sorry. We were just, er, sorting some things out.”

Andrew grins and presses a kiss to James’s cheek. “We’re boyfriends,” he tells Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber in a conspiratorial voice. “You’re only the third person to know.”

Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber looks between them.

“No,” he says mildly, a gleeful smirk spreading across his features. “I’m pretty sure we all knew.”

[haenyan]

please, your answer about markhyuck was really interesting, if you have more to say (and only if you want of course) please say it! i love reading that kind of answers and see people have differente ideas (confrontation is beatiful) but there's not lot of people discussing it on tumblr... or maybe i'm following the wrong tags? lol so i'd like to read more of your opinion about markhyuck (sorry for bad english)

Really? haha I do have a LOT to say regarding assumptions, but based on marketing, advertising, and publication views - which is really a big deal in entertainment industry. (I learned a bit of idol marketing from my professor thanks prof) so… yeah… sorry if my opinion is a bit technical. Your English is perfectly fine, unlike mine who always has grammatical errors ;_;

Hm?? Maybe… what should the tag be?? :o

It’s very long!!!!!!! I’m sorry!!

Shall we talk about Markhyuck again???? o-okay

Y’all agree if I say that our perception of something is based on what we see, yes? So SM has been exposing us the cutesy best-friend-forever MarkHyuck since SM Rookies, which is cool. And what you often see is (or was) Donghyuk being clingy to Mark. That shaped our thinking into ‘so Donghyuk needs Mark!’ or something around that. So people like that idea (you can see it on the tags, text posts, fanfics, whatever). By the time went by, things changed. Such as:

Less content we anticipate to see (means: less Markhyuck)

Events we don’t expect to happen (or Mark has so many schedules, but not Haechan ha ha ha *a bit salty abt this*)

New content to be explored (Mark interacting with other ppl such as HSR contestants, Haechan interacting with Seungkwan or Doyoung)

Thus, creating all of these… assumptions. (Donghyuk being jealous, Markhyuck don’t care about each other, and so on. idk)

Of course it happens in EVERY fandom!! It normal for human to make assumptions. BUT These kind of assumptions are what we need to… lessen?

Like, it’s okay to be ‘He seem sad’ ‘He seem happy’, that kind of assumptions. But taking it too far to the point where we question things behind the camera? Boy, I think we could never do that. We know nothing. They are literally some people we see through the screen. What could we know?? (But if you’re a psychologist, expression reader, or something around that, I can’t say anything. You’re the master.)

Back to Markhyuck. Although the content has to be triggered by Donghyuk (him being savage and dramatic to Mark) to happen (due to Mark’s trait), we get the feel of ‘The Best Bud™’from Markhyuck content, thanks to SM’s way to promote them. The problem might be this;

We saw too many of Donghyuk smiling when promoting with Mark, or interacting with Mark. Generally, Donghyuk seemed excited and happy to see Mark. (It was even in the Coca-Cola song) That indirectly got us into the thinking of ‘Donghyuk is in love with Mark’ or some shit like that. This may sound like a bullshit, but that’s how perception works. And people went on and on with that.

Yet Mark always being promoted so people are so into Mark, they’re attached to him. We see so many Marks to the point that when another member were seen around him, that member could be considered being promoted by the presence of Mark Lee. Nice, isn’t it?

So it hit me. When I was answering the anon from this ask, it suddenly made me think that Haechan HAS to be with Mark to be known. Like, Haechan is not completed unless he is seen interacting with Mark Lee, that kind of thinking. That’s what Markhyuk means to some (maybe majority?) of the fandom. So basically when Mark is alone, it’s perfectly fine but not Haechan. He can’t be independently promoting NCT. And it’s ALL ABOUT MARK. my god… Well, that might be SM’s fault too. Focusing on Mark. All the time. Ya. And that’s what happening to Markhyuck now. People will concern about it when Mark looks unsatisfied, but not Donghyuk. *sobs*

Because for me their off-camera relationship is their private life, and I always try to refrain myself to think until that extend of caring an idol. I would be lying if it didn’t slip into my mind. Tbh I got bothered at first when I started to see less of Markhyuck, like, omg is Donghyuk okay, is he fine being left by Mark, is he lonely, that kind of questions. And then when Doyoung publicly shown his care to Donghyuk, I realized that, well, there are other members in the dorm, school friends, his mom (especially his mom LOL).

So I started to train myself to think that he’s okay, he’s Haechan, he’s good on his own. As long SM shows us that he’s okay, I should not be worried. (except if he tries to say or state something in public, I will be horrified)

And that’s it.I think Markhyuck is a plus content of Donghyuk. I don’t think about Markhyuck that much right now, it’s just like ‘Oh they did cute things together~’ and period. No further assumptions, no feelings were hurt or whatever. I even feel happier when SM posts his own selca, without other member.

Because my main source of happiness from NCT is Lee Donghyuk a.k.a Haechan, the shining prince~

[renavents-blog]

putting this under a cut bc it turned out rlly long bc i confessed a lot of shit that i wouldn’t dare talk abt on my  main abt why I’m Problematic(tm)

i think i need to take a break from the internet but i need easy ways of contacting people bc i’ll still talk to my friends.

i should maybe make a new sky////pe, i need to ask rags whether they can get pe///ach tbh bc i use that with a few people, i know they use dis////cord tho so i can look into that too i guess

idk its just tumb//lr itself is driving me up the wall lately. i keep purposefully looking at stuff that i know is going to hurt me and make me dissociate, personally with stuff pertaining to my fp as well, and just generally and i’ve noticed my mental health has gone bad again since i started being more active again bc i’ve kind of become slightly obsessed with the idea of being completely socially pure and being a bad person for the slightest thing

like its kind of become less of a thing now but i had a big flip for several weeks bc i k/i/n outside my race and i would never mention this on my main atm bc im terrified of people hating me and yelling at me when i literally did not know that this is a bad thing until a couple of week ago to about a month ago, i’ve never listed my race as white and didn’t think i needed to but now i feel like a shit person if i dont bc its a privileged and i feel like people need to know??? and also like. now i have about four ani//me characters that i k/i/n with and i feel like such a bad person for it and i would have dropped them if i’d have known the first time i k/i/nfirmed them that it was Bad but like. i didn’t have any idea at the time that being white and k/i/n/ning with ani//me characters is bad. 

and the thing is as well, I’ve /tried/ to dump them since and like. theres; the fact that for me kin is a really spiritual thing bc i have a lot of theories as to how fiction////ki///n works and i have memories from them as past lives and didn’t consciously select any of them, but then its like... the mental health side of it, where im not sure how much is a delusion, and the fact that putting aside spirtual stuff, i kind of depend on these chars for my identity. 

literally i tried to dump them as soon as i found out it was bad. i really really fucking tried. privately. but it destroyed my mental health to the extent where it was very much ‘’we either keep them and be a horrid person or die’’ and like??? it was legit leading me to the point of suicide but i cant say that publicly if im ever asked about it bc then i’d be accused of guilt tripping. and now im  terrified of relating to any char outside of my race (NOT in the k//i/n sense, i mean relating to them AT ALL) bc im terrified that im doing a bad thing and like. thats Not Good.

i just dont know like this is one of the things that i’ve been desperate to talk about to people but not on my main and its one of the reasons why time away from the internet might do me good (tumb///lr more specifically) but like i always say that i won’t go on social network for like a week and then i fuckign. end up doing the opposite. idfk. i’ll never learn. im just paranoid of everything i do on this hellsite now