#i swear i’d sell my kidneys for them

[truetogaia]

they're so silly i love them

this is so real theyre so cute i want to EAT THEM UP

[taeyohonic]

the trophy wife (m)

summary: the proposal doesn’t go as planned (established relationship, idol au, fluff and angst) pairing: min yoongi x fem!reader rating: explicit (18+) warnings (containing spoilers): swearing, robbery, pandemic, vomit, description of injuries and blood (very abstract), mentions of depression, insomina and periods, a hella lot ugly crying info: when i tell you that this is a super-duper fluffy piece, i’m not lying! it was 99% sweetness, so i added a little... angst (but like... only 10%) related work: the stalker | baby, what’s wrong? | favoritism (m) | the trophy wife words: 5.7k

“would you still love me if i became your trophy wife?”

yoongi snorts into his iphone, your grimace too adorable to be taken seriously.

“how bad are these papers?”, he asks. jungkook next to him is stealing curious glances at his hyung’s screen. to hear your voice so distressed makes him worry. you’re the best thing that ever happened to his member – your well-being comes right after his need for homemade kimchi.

“how… can they not know which products contain dairy? how yoongs?”, you vent eyeing the ungraded test in front of you.

“i ate… so much yogurt. the whole class did. we tested so much dairy products… like… so much. we drank all of the banana milk… how can they get this wrong?”, you continue. unbeknown to you, the maknae is now furrowing his brows at your words. wait a minute…

“noona, did you steal my banana milk last week?”, jungkook questions and moves closer to yoongi. before you can hide you see his big eyes joining your boyfriend on the screen.

“wow, jungkookie – your undercut looks so good. damn!”, you say. it’s not a total deflection; he does look extremely handsome after his haircut.

“noona, i thought i sleepwalked”, he whines, not caring for your compliment… right now.

“taehyung even made a meme out of it”, he complaints and you have the audacity to coo at him. yoongi tries to hide his smile, but he can see his reflection grinning on the screen.

“it was oppa’s idea!”

and now his smile freezes as jungkook moves his accusing glare to him. you don’t usually call yoongi by this name. and he’d be all too happy to shut you up in your shared bedroom. but now he and the boys are in the outskirts of seoul to film the newest music video, far away from you and your treacherous mouth.

“hyung?”, jungkook asks with the voice of a cheated wife ready to sign the divorce papers.

“it’s for the kids, maknae”, your boyfriend defends himself to which jungkook only huffs in irritation.

“there was a time when i was the kid – what happened? am i not cute enough anymore? noona? am i not the most adorable?”

his deer eyes stare at you – big, brown and full. you can’t help but to take a screenshot of these two – your rapper visibly done with his member and jungkook in the middle of a banana milk breakdown. you’ll have to frame this picture.

“you’re the most adorable thing there is, jungkookie”, you reassure him. yoongi just snorts when he sees the faintest flush on his bandmate’s face.

“that’s enough praise for him, baby. save it for your students.” there is no humor in the smile you send him. after a beat of silence in which you burry all your frustration deep inside the pits of your stomach, you try to change the subject.

“how is nature?” they’ve been in the woods for weeks, completely closed off from all the city drama. you’ve never seen jimin so excited to drive – while namjoon’s sour face reflected how much the latest failed drivers test bothered him.

“jin-hyung nearly died in the water today. it was epic”, your friend instead of your boyfriend answers and you have to shift a giggle at yoongi’s eyeroll.

“be gone, maknae”

rudely blunt – just how you liked your partner. jungkook just winks at you in a silent goodbye and gets up. he’s nearly out of the picture before his upper body shoves against the rapper. his nose is way too close to the screen and you’d be worried about his eyes – if you didn’t know how often the singer spends his nights in front of his computer.

“noona, you’ll replace the milk, right?”

“jungkook”, yoongi growls in responds. the boy is not acknowledging his colleague, so you give in and nod.

“of course, kookie. it’s already waiting in the fridge for you to come back”, you tell him. as soon as these words leave your mouth, the maknae is satisfied and gone.

“you don’t have to baby him that much, ____”, yoongi says while moving the phone closer to his face. you can see the dark circles under his eyes better now.

“what’s keeping you up at night, yoongs?”, you ask instead of answering his complaint. the rapper smiles faintly at the screen.

“you, baby, always you” yu snort and let yourself lie down on the couch – the papers can wait another day, or a lifetime.

“i wish”, you say truthfully. you’d sell one of your kidneys to relax with the boys far away from the pandemic madness. after having yoongi to yourself for two weeks non-stop, you are way too spoiled. even though your legs are deeply grateful for this recovery time, you miss the constant calm radiating off of your boyfriend.

“i’ll be back soon, baby”, he reassures you and draws lines across the screen. your cheeks look colorless and it worries him just as much as his lack of sleep bothers you.

“make it sooner”, you mutter and close your eyes when you hear his chuckle in responds.

“have you had dinner yet?”, yoongi asks but you don’t want to open your eyes, not ready to face his criticism.

“nah, i’ll wait till sungho gets here.” you don’t need your eyesight to feel his disapproval.

“that’s not very socially distance of you, ____.” yeah, no baby anymore. still, you remain shut off.

“he’s just a friend. one friend. one work friend. one work friend that needs help with the new school cloud. the online grading program is a pain in the ass.”

“and why do you have to do that at six on a friday night in our home?”, yoongi notices the tiniest of smiles on your lips as he mentions your shared home. he, too, loves your little flat with a pandora of memories.

“because i am a loner and don’t have anything better planed for the weekend and my boyfriend is camping in the woods and oh – there is a global pandemic”, you snort and open your eyes to watch your boyfriend’s tensed expression.

“if you’re a loner – what am i then? a stone?”, yoongi asks sarcastically.

“maybe a boulder”, you shoot back with a soft smile that melts his jealousy away… nearly.

“just… don’t let him touch my stuff”, yoongi orders. he’d trade his own maknae to be the one at the other side of your door when he hears a distant knocking sound.

“that’ll be him, yoongs”, you say and move off the couch with as much dignity as one can muster after a whole work week and no motivation left in the bones.

“promise to call me back when you’re in bed?”, your boyfriend pleads, reluctant to let you go. with him going on world tours this phone conversation isn’t your first and it won’t be the last. still, his small request fills you with yearning.

“of course”, you promise, eyes still on him as you open the door without a second thought.

a fist connects with your skull while your eyes widen at the sight of two ski-masked men. the pain is instantly blinding your senses and you start to scream with tears clouding your vision. you fall to the floor before they push their way inside your home. one of them, muscle clad with wide shoulders kicks you in the stomach just to move you out of their way. the other, smaller in statue, crushes your phone with his shoe, the cracked screen frozen with your boyfriend starring at you in horror.

**

namjoon will never forget the bone chilling scream waking him this evening from his nap. he’s never heard yoongi’s voice filled to the brim with pain. not even registering his movements, he tumbles into the living room where is friend is still yelling your name, his face a mask of panic.

“hyung, what’s wrong?”, namjoon asks as footsteps behind him signal the arrival of his bandmates.

yoongi’s hands shake as his eyes stay fixed on the screen of his form. the leader moves first, not able to watch his friend losing himself. when joon steps behind yoongi’s figure to calm him down, a cold shower travels through his body. the screen shows you lying on the floor with red dripping from your mouth. your eyes are closed, but namjoon notices the uneven rise and fall of your chest – you’re breathing.

“jin, call the police”, the leader orders without turning around. his hands try to pry the phone out of yoongi’s fingers, but they are white with pressure and unforgiving. his lungs are still screaming and namjoon’s heart breaks at the scene.

“hyung, - just… calm down”, he says, not quite believing in his own words. he wouldn’t calm down either in yoongi’s position.

“what am i reporting?”, seokjin asks, close enough that the question answers itself as soon as he peaks over yoongi’s shoulder.

“i’d like to report a break-in – there is a person, hurt. the address is-“

yoongi can’t hear his oldest colleague, the voice drowned by his worry for you. at first, he doesn’t register namjoon’s chest pressing behind his back, but then his body shudders when the fellow rapper hugs him from behind.

“hyung, we – sh – it’s gonna be okay. it’ll be okay, she’s okay… we… you have to calm down, yoongi”, namjoon sooths his friend of ten years and rocks them both from side to side.

“taehyung, call the building manager – there should be security in the foyer”, seokjin commands the young man who watches the scene in front of him passively. as soon as he hears his name though, the singer moves to grab his iphone with shaky fingers.

“look, hyung, she’s awake”, joon points out and yoongi shakes his head to move these stupid tears out of his vision. indeed, your eyes are open as you try to even your breathing. it looks like you are crying as well and yoongi has never felt this kind of searing pain before. to see the love of his life in tears and burglars destroying your home while he is in the middle of fucking nowhere, makes him sick. when he sees you trying to get up, only to drop back onto the floor, his stomach turns. yoongi vomits onto his lap and namjoon has to hold his friend upright as he loses consciousness.

**

you’ve never been this glad for the heavy painkillers your boyfriend has tugged away in the bathroom due to his immense shoulder problems. the icepack pressed to your forehead cools for body down; still, you are shaking with adrenaline as you watch the security guard pace in front of you.

“yes, sir, yes – no, of course sir, negative sir”, he looks at your shaking form and grimaces before answering. “minor injuries”, the guard holds his phone further away when his caller answers a few decibels too loud.

“the paramedics are on their way”, he responds, not daring to look you directly in the eye. after another game of “yes and no”, the security ends his call.

“how are you, ma’am?”, the man in uniform asks, but remains standing a few feet away. when he first got here after receiving a hectic message from his boss, you were crying on the floor – alone. his colleague is already checking the floors, while another is combing through the surveillance footage. it’s been five minutes and you still look like a ghost.

his instructions were crystal clear – don’t touch the subject. but his heart clenches when he sees your trembling form trying to calm yourself down.

before you can answer him, two paramedics arrive through the door. they zero in on the blood drying across your forehead. their hands press gently against your skin and ask you questions you try to answer. soon, they move you to a standing position, with your head wound dressed and your vitals checked.

“we’ll take you to the hospital, ma’am”, the older woman explains. with a few steps you are at the door – there, right on the threshold where your nightmare began half an hour ago, stands sungho, chinese take-out and laptop in hand. your fellow teacher looks at you with widened eyes.

“_____ - what the hell?”, he curses and nearly drops his food when you smile at him – your teeth unbeknown to you still tinted red.

“are you her partner?”, the paramedic asks.

“just a friend”, he answers, not letting you out of his sight.

“we have to get her to the hospital – will you accompany us?”, the medic questions and sungho nods. your little crowd moves to the elevator and the security guard closes your door with a soft click. the police will be here soon, he thinks as he watches your beaten figure step onto the elevator.

**

“this cannot be the way to do this, ___”, sungho exclaims while you are staring at the iv-drip connected to your arm in distress. you hate needles.

the hospital’s v.i.p room is normally reserved for celebrities, but they made an exception for you, the girlfriend of min yoongi. sejin’s hunched form outside the room might have played a role in that. bangtan’s manager arrived half an hour ago, worried and disheveled. his posture calmed when the doctors reassured him, you’d be okay. now, he’s waiting for seven idols in various stages of panic to arrive.

“it’s the way this works – just… do as i say, okay?”, you huff. there is a part of you not willing to let the last hours crash into you; not without your partner here. so, you’ve spent the last sixty minutes showing him how to use your new school cloud – the easy way, not the right one.

“but the course still doesn’t show in my settings”, he whines, and you roll your eyes while pushing cold pad thai in your mouth. the rich flavor appeases your hungry stomach and you swallow the take-out down in one breathe. songho is a godsend for bringing the ordered food with him to the hospital. it’s a much-needed distraction from the horror of your cracked rib and light concussion.

“you have to set the course to ‘official’ – it’s still private”, you explain with another mouthful of oily noodles slurring your speech.

sungho’s brows furrow in concentration when you hear heavy footsteps in the hall. the boys are there – and they are not slowing down.

before sejin can even try to greet the idols, yoongi pushes through the door – all six of them only a breath behind.

the second you see him, the tears start without your consent. yoongi looks crazy – his eyes gleam with insanity – as he sucks in the hospital air through his mask.

you’re here. you’re alive. you’re safe. you’re here. he’s here. you are both here. his thoughts are running in circles – not ready to slow down, not ready to expand.

your boyfriend resembles a statue; just standing in front of the hospital bed. his face screams for help and it breaks you as the first cry leaves your throat. in a flash yoongi is moving to you, bumping into a shocked sungho. his finger brush against your wet cheeks like you’d break under his touch, while your body collapses.

“baby”, he whispers – the first word his members have heard since he regained consciousness.

“yoongs”, you answer and throw your arms around his neck. the smell of vomit and sweat makes your nose crunch up, but your boyfriend hugs it all away. his forearms rest on each side of your head – supporting his weight – as he lets you hold on to him, the boyfriend who was playing idol life in the woods instead of being at home with his girlfriend. even through his mask he can breathe in your unique smell, clouded by disinfectant.

“noona”, the youngest whimpers from the doorway. jungkook is silently crying, his mask discolored from the tears. every member looks at you with sorrow, the younger ones visibly not as professional at keeping their emotions together. namjoon looks like he’s aged a decade, but there is a small smile pressing his eyes together behind his mask. you try to reciprocate his smile, but yoongi’s head his pressing against your cheeks with vigor.

“why don’t we give them some space?”, sejin says to which your coworker nods instantly. he’s your friend for sure – but this is a level of intimacy he’s not willing to share with you.

the members need more convincing as hoseok tries to gently pull jungkook back. the maknae vehemently shakes his head, not ready to leave you and yoongi alone.

“we’ll wait right outside, kookie”, seokjin coax him out of the room. he’s still reluctant so go, but jimin’s small body pushes against his back. soon, namjoon closes the door, leaving you alone.

your tears won’t stop and you try to move closer to your boyfriend – you want to feel him all around you. without words yoongi understands your need and presses his body down on yours. there is a sharp pain when his stomach meets your fractured rib.

“ah”, you breathe, hurting. yoongi extracts himself from you in a flash; every fiber of his being furious at your injury.

“baby”, he calls out as his fingers ghost across your ribcage.

“it’ll… it’ll heal soon”, you say timidly.

“how could this happen, baby?”, he asks, still more interested in your upper body than your eyes.

“i-i i should-d have che-checked the door before, ah before answering”, you whimper, ready to face the blame.

with yoongi’s lifestyle comes a certain level of danger. you’ve been trained to be more cautious with everyday things like grocery shopping, inviting new friends over, answering the door without checking the cam.

“no, no, no, no – baby – no…”, he hushes you. “they should have never been able to pass the foyer, nor should they have been able to move to the penthouse level.”

“i-i was so scared”, you admit, linking your fingers with his and pressing them close to your still beating heart.

“i know, baby, me too”, yoongi soothes you and flexes his fingertips against your warm skin.

“i’ve never felt this worthless… you got hurt… right in front of me… and i … i couldn’t do anything.” his voice shakes with emotions and slowly his stare moves to your bruised face. the madness has nearly died in his eyes – but there is still so much pain hidden behind his brown iris.

“i- i could have lost you”, he whispers darkly, speaking a truth into reality he is not ready to face. your crying has stopped now that the both of you are calmer and connected.

“nah, never, remember?”, you say with some form of humor behind your words. “i’m your trophy wife. trophy wives don’t die. first, they’d kill their rich husband”, you remind your boyfriend of your conversation half a lifetime ago.

“it’d be an honor getting murdered by you, baby.” his mask is gone in a flash and then you feel the warmth of his lips against your temple. “just let me finish my third mixtape first.”

**

“don’t move, noona”, jungkook pleads as the warm sunlight irritates your skin. the fresh air is caressing your body while the youngest tries to finish his painting. trees surround the both of you, resting on a soft picnic blanket. it’s the first time since your release from the hospital that yoongi has left you out of his sight. granted, you’re still not totally alone with the strongest bangtan member watching over you like a hawk. but it’s definitely a much-needed break from yoongi’s fretting.

after nearly throwing a tantrum in front of his manager und some staff members who wanted to continue the filming of their new “in the soop” show, all the members knew they’d have to handle their rapper with care. leaving you alone wasn’t an option, so taehyung and seokjin packed your suitcase with essentials and after your doctors determined you ready to rest at home, all eight of you moved back to the chill vacation home in the middle of nowhere.

the last few days have been difficult – the filming staff getting more and more irritated because the members flocked around you 24/7. sejin had to come up with a different schedule allowing every bandmate time to reconnect with you as well as time to do their work. only yoongi was allowed to not leave your side most of the day – him working on the new music being the cover for his absence.

but after days of your boyfriend breathing down your neck, you’ve had enough. so, now yoongi is out on the water with seokjin fishing, while you’re spending time with jungkook.

“when did the police say they are coming?”, you ask the painter. his nose is crunched in concentration as he tries to outline your hipbone.

“they should be here before lunch – if your boyfriend even manages to catch some lunch”, he answers. you snort, messing up his grasp of your proportions.

“i do have faith in seokjin’s ability.” jungkook chuckles but keeps his eyes on your drawing. you look so delicate, so soft, he can’t believe they nearly lost you.

“i got robbed – i didn’t die, kookie”, you read his mind as his eyes darken.

“you got hurt”, he responds through clenched teeth.

“and they’ll pay for that”, you vow. the police had called this morning with the news of your robbers being captured during another crime. you’re still not sure how the officers can be so sure they’re the same criminals, but you’re eager to close this chapter with your statement later that day.

your painting session gets interrupted by namjoon. “the detectives are already here, ____.”

jungkook is by your side in a flash and together with the leader the both of them help you up. the rib is healing and harsh movements still hurt. yoongi had a near meltdown when you tried to ride him yesterday morning only to topple over in pain.

“yoongi and jin don’t have a signal out in the water – but they won’t be long”, namjoon explains and guides you indoors to meet the two officers.

“ms. ______, a pleasure to meet you”, the older policeman says in greeting. the younger one only shifts uncomfortable when he sees you flanked by two famous idols.

“thanks for coming all this way”, you respond and bow slowly, not to put extra pressure on your rib.

“is there somewhere we could talk – uhm- privately?”, the old man asks and you show them to one of the office rooms in the back. jungkook reluctantly leaves your side and joon only squeezes your hand in passing.

“just holler when you need us, _____”, he says before ordering the maknae to clean the art supplies.

with both officers sitting across from you, you nervously fiddle in your chair.

“the two intruders were caught this morning while pawning off their haul”, the younger policeman states and shows you a surveillance picture of two familiar men. their figures alone invoke iced fear in your heart, and you push the picture out of your sight. after a moment of silence, you collect yourself enough to absorb the information.

“what did they steal? i – i didn’t report anything missing, sir”, you question. sure, they trashed the painting yoongi brought for you during your last vacation in italy. and some cloths were thrown across the bedroom – but there was nothing stolen. you even signed your statement last week before leaving for the woods.

the officers look at you like you’ve grown a second head.

“miss, you reported the item missing days ago. there is even a harsh voicemail left with your fiancé demanding a swift investigation.” you shake your head at their words – no, you didn’t.

“which item?”, you ask the men with narrowed eyes. you’d been off the pain meds for days now. but to call yoongi your fiancé? clearly, they’d switched up cases. the older officer opens his briefcase to retrieve a plastic bag with a… ring in it.

“in my days, my wife would have never forgotten about her engagement ring”, the man snickers as you watch the cold metal in front of you. it’s beautiful – it’s so yoongi, you wouldn’t be surprised if he himself crafted the asymmetric diamond set on roughened silver.

you’d dreamed of this moment for over a year – to lay eyes on the ring cementing your future in stone – or diamonds.

never would you have imagined it to be this tainted with two officers starring you down and the jewelry wrapped carelessly in plastic – a piece of evidence – while your boyfriend is fishing with kim seokjin.

“uhm”, you hesitate as emotions swirl around your brain. he was going to propose? to you?

“i had half a panic attack carrying it around with me the whole day – that thing could pay off all my debt, as well as my kid’s college fees”, the officer jokes, still not recognizing your surprise as genuine.

“uhm”, you try again to form words.

“we’ve all the papers here for you to sign; after that we’ll be ready to get out of your hair… for now”, the youngest states and moves different documents across the table. they lie next to yoongi’s engagement ring – your engagement ring.

“uhm”

giving up on forming a coherent sentence, you move along and sign your name on the different protocols. the paper from your insurance company makes your heart still – reading all the zeros on the price of your ring.

this… is by far the worst engagement set up you’ve ever heard of. your hands shack and your signature looks just terrible, but it’s enough for the two detectives. they still don’t seem to find your reaction odd as they collect their stuff and bid you fare well. like a zombie you get up and follow them to the front door, your ring clutched between your fingertips.

jungkook and jimin are waiting for you next to the foyer and jump at the sight of your pale face.

“everything alright?”, jimin asks and places a protective hand on your back. your slow nod does not convince them and their eyes sour at the policemen.

while the younger officer takes a step back, the oldest just chuckles at your idol friends.

“all is well, kids”, he sooths them. then both bow to you and you can only muster an awkward smile, the jewelry heavy in your hand.

“happy wedding planning, ms. ____”, he winks at you before they leave. the soft click of the closing door is the only sound in the hallway. you’re not even sure you’re breathing.

after a beat of silence you flinch at the sound of jimin’s high-pitched squeal.

“weeeedding”, he asks, way too loud and way too joyful. the mochi-cheeked idol excitedly jumps up and down, not really caring that you remain silent.

jungkook on the other hand looks … really upset. “you told the police but not me?”, he whispers betrayed.

you could cry as you feel the headache from your concussion clouding your mind. this is… too much.

“uhm”, you’ve decided to stick with your running-gag answer and push both idols out of your way.

your feet carry you out of the house, through the terrace door and before you know it, you’re running across the green gras. the smell of the lake invades your nose while you search for you boyfriend. yoongi’s boat is still on the water and you spot both men resting against each other with their rods, ready to catch your lunch. sunshine shimmers on the lake’s surface as you run onto the dock. your bare feet press against the wood while your hair rushes around you – the wind breezing through the unkempt strands.

**

“is… is that _____, yoongi?”, seokjin asks his fishing buddy who’s more focused watching the water for prey than his surroundings.

“huh?”, he hums, not really listening to his friend.

“i- i think your girlfriend wants to talk to you, yoongi”, the old singer says hesitantly as he sees you jumping up and down on the wooden dock. this can’t be good for your health.

swiftly, the rapper turns to the spot seokjin is pointing at. and there you stand – beautiful and barefoot, dressed in his t-shirt and some old leggings. your hair is a mess and the sun dances across your skin like the tiniest firework.

“MIN YOONGI”, you shout at the top of your lungs. your boyfriend flinches hearing your loud voice across the water.

“she sounds angry”, seokjin whispers.

“YOU FOOL”, you continue to yell and see seokjin’s shoulders shake with silent laughter.

“oh, i hope the crew gets this on tape”, he says with glee while yoongi really, truly tries to find a reason for your anger. he’s left you alone today, at your request. maybe you didn’t really want him to go? was it a test to see how much he wanted to stay with you? did he fail?

“I GOT YOUR RING!”, you shout and flash the evidence bag high in the air.

immediately, the rapper shoots up from his sitting position, rocking the boat dangerously form side to side.

“yah, yoongi, what the hell?”, seokjin swears but your boyfriend’s eyes rest on you, holding your engagement ring in a plastic bag. there is no air in his lungs – he’s been thinking about this moment for the last two years. he dreamed of your joyful tears, how soft your hands would feel while pushing the silver banner on your finger.

and now… he’s an ocean away from you holding on to the jewelry that got you hurt weeks ago.

“DO YOU WANT TO ASK ME SOMETHING, MIN YOONGI?”, you scream and your boyfriend’s eyes widen when they see the smile on your lips; do you – do you find this funny?

without thinking, he takes a step forward.

You can only watch seokjin’s helpless grimace as yoongi brings the boat out of balance. both idols topple over and splash into the cold sea.

the icy water doesn’t bother the rapper as he pushes to the surface. the sun shines high up while he speeds to the dock. you’ve never seen your boyfriend this determent – his laps forceful and quick, leaving a still shocked seokjin behind.

your fingers shake as you watch him come closer and closer to you. in mere moments he’s close enough for you to hear his heavy breathing.

yoongi heaves himself out of the cold, his shoulder screaming in pain, and then he is dripping in front of you. your boyfriend looks like a wet dog, the black hair plastered to his forehead as he steps forward. you can smell the sea salt across his drenched clothes.

the engagement ring screams from the bag to be acknowledged and yoongi is just… staring at you deeply.

“i had it all planned”, he whispers wringing his sweater. the gush of water drops on the deck, but the idol only looks at you. “weeks ago.” his fingers wrap around your writs, a silent plea to give the ring to its rightful owner – for now.

“i wanted to take you to the restaurant where we had our first date”, he admits and opens the bag. your first date had been a disaster – you’re still vividly remembering the food poisoning.

“then all the restaurants closed down; we were both so stressed… and… life went on”, yoongi continues as the ring dances between his fingertips. it looks like art without the plastic cheapening its presence.

“i... wanted it to be perfect.” his whispered words fall to the floor as he kneels in front of you. warmth is coloring your face, seeing your idol submitting to you.

“baby… you know how much i love you… how much you inspire me every day to become the best version of myself”, yoongi’s voice cracks against his words and you can’t help the softest coo from leaving your lips.

“i promise i’ll make you the best trophy wife of south korea.”

you snort as you hear boyish snicker from behind you at yoongi’s joke.

“will you spend the rest of my life with this ring on your hand?”, he asks and without waiting for an answer, he pushes the silver band on your finger. it fits perfectly.

“am i not supposed to agree first?”, you respond as your eyes stay on your future husband.

“oh baby, you agreed the moment you ate my burned pasta.” yoongi gets up and pushes a lose strand of hair behind your ears.

“you agreed the moment you moved in with me, a struggling insomniac.” his hands cradle your face, framing the expression of love between his palms.

“you agreed the moment you let me change your tampon because you were too drunk to move.” he gives you airy butterfly kisses.

“you agreed the moment you didn’t kill me for stealing your favorite ice cream from the freezer.”

“that actually was a close call”, you chime in, only to hear his soft chuckle.

“you agreed all those nights staying with holly in our shared bed while i traveled across the globe.”

a kiss is planted on the fresh scar across your temple. “you agreed all these moments where my depression was too much, where i was trapped in my own misery.”

a line of kisses travels to your mouth. mere millimeters from your lips he stills. “you do, right?”

under all the layers of love, confidence and familiarity, there is still a shy boy unsure of his worth. your smile is infused with giddiness as you close the gap, pressing your lips together in the softest kiss.

“i do”, you whisper in his mouth, only to meet his tongue with your own in a joyful dance. the boys around you are cheering, while the soft waves of the lake clash against the dock. you’re in pure bliss, kissing your wet fiancé fiercely.

and then you hear a loud thud, a wet slash on the wood. surprised, you both jump away a step – only to see a heaving seokjin lying flat on the deck, chest rising at a fast pace.

“i near- i nearly died for th-this engagement, ____. if – if i’m am not the be-best man, i’ll… will cast a spell on all- all yo-ur children.”

____

ah, this fic is crazy and totally not what i imagined it to become. i hope you enjoyed the read! there is only one chapter left (the stalker) – who’s excited for it? i hope you are doing well! to you, your family and/or loved ones i wish only the most festive time this week! love, dana

[millenniumcrybaby]

Boys getting caught in the crossfire of MC's wrath.

I HC that the longer they're in devildom, MC will begin to express their natural sin more and more. Me/my mc's natural sin wrath because I have bad bitchitis, and I'm incredibly moody. Also, I absolutely refuse to be talked down to you could literally be God, and I'd tell you to shove it.

This is a lowkey highkey shitpost.

So lets set the scene:

A suffocating aura of wrath spread throughout RAD's campus; Satan was having a meltdown. Knowing that he could accidentally destroy the entire school, the brother closest to the aura sprints to the source to subdue Satan. To their surprise, they find MC emitting the deadly aura. Venom spilling from their lips as they ream out a lower demon. Fearing for MC's safety, the brother tries to step in only to have MC turn around and rip them a new one.

Lucifer:

"LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. I swear to fucking GOD if you move any closer I will rip your remaining wings off and shove them down your fucking esophagus."

Mammon:

"Mammon, sweetie, my first, if you ever try that shit again I will cut Goldie into 500 separate pieces, max out your remaining credit cards and sell your kidneys on the black market :)"

Levi:

"Senpaiiiii~~, I will tie you to your gaming chair and make you watch while I decapitate all of your Ruri-Chan limited edition figurines. All while spoiling the endings of every anime in this fucking realm".

Satan:

"Listen here leprechaun looking ass, I can, and I will go into your room and rip out the last chapter from every single one of your fucking books if you so much as breathe near me."

Asmo:

"Babe. Do you want me to burn every single article of designer clothing you own and fuck you with a chain saw? No? then.do.not.fuck.with.me.”

Beel:

"Beelzebub. I will flush all the food at home down the toilet and get you banned from hell's kitchen and restaurant six if you come any closer, lovey."

It is physically painful for me to hurt this boy after my last post.

Belphie:

"Spots, I will not hesitate to reverse uno card your ass and choke you into fucking oblivion if you try and stop me."

[chil2de]

Oh take as long as you need love, hope you were able to get the furniture you wanted and that the remodelling’s going well, love you - 🥰

i will sell you my entire soul, a kidney or literally a lung for ur forgiveness because i’ve been mia for ages LMFAOO

i’ll talk about myself afterwards!!! i heard about your exams baby, i’m so fucking happy that you passed! i had a premonition since the start and i knew you had it in you :D believe me when i say i started grinning, u better have celebrated and treated urself to some nice things!!!!!!!

congrats on the reread! i have to give major kudos in the first place that you even had the patience to go through with it in the first place, no because seriously that’s genuine dedication it’s mindblowing. like. you would sit there and read through all my old works?🥺🥺 ur my no.1 contender of giving me heart problems istgggg

i’m totally fine if you wanna keep sending asks instead, i genuinely don’t mind and i’d prefer for you to be comfortable. so whatever you do end up choosing, i’ll support it regardless!

it’s been a while so maybe you read up on the jjk manga? mayhaps? lemme know, cause i’m interested to hear about it! i swear jjk came back as well, i saw some of the recent chapters briefly

the jjk shirts sold out super fast but i managed to grab a white one with four panels of the curses on em, the one with jougo, m*hito sukuna and someone else who is probably not of importance if i can’t remember their name LMAO— it’s nice!! the material is 100% cotton so its one of those stiff-er(?) shirts, 10/10 would recommend for you to get one the next time they’re in stock again

i remember very faintly how i said i’d recommend you some anime LMFAO excuse me it’s 5am as i write this but i was extremely hellbent on getting back to you before sleep <3 dont wanna worry ya

you should totally check out oregairu whenever you can, or maybe violet evergarden? they’re not similar in any way shape or form to gintama, jjk, hq etc but.. they hold a special place in my heart ;; i suck at explaining without accidentally spoiling things or rambling for ages so check out the blurb for them whenever you can ! plus the animation in ve is absolutely stunning

and yeah, i’m from england! i get you completely djghdhg it’s just because most fic writers are american so at a certain point i just wired it into my brain, then whenever i meet someone who’s from england i just get so excited it’s like ?? wow?? you know what anime is? i hope that doesn’t sound rude LMAO it’s just how i said before that the lack of anything anime related here is horrid. esp waterstones, like you said. god that’s awful. i recently caught up on the haikyuu manga online but i wanna support the author by buying the volumes and they’re literally sold out or sold in strange numbers </3

aside from that, how have you been?? taking care of yourself? happy september, btw! it’s basically autumn now, an absolute shocker of a fact but i’m trying my first ever psl whenever starbucks releases them here~

tysm as per usual for your kind complimentsss AAAA u have no right!! absolutely no right to make me blush. genuinely a crime, you should be locked away and kept under supervision :<<< thank youuuu you are the sweetest angel to walk this earthhh~

i’m starting to slowly try to ease myself back into writing for gintama lmaoo, it’s a slow process but i’ll get there eventually!! just gotta wait for my hyperfixations to shift, is all

as for me, the remodelling’s going pretty good! i’ve picked up most of the things i’ve needed like paint, new led strips and bed sheets. i made a grave mistake of buying a mirror from ebay and it smashed in transit LGMHJJD it’s okay you can laugh cause i totally did too, so i’m going up to ikea again next week to get that plus a bed because mine broke? it just.. collapsed? also very funny i promise you it’s not tragic at all <3

thinking of covering up a wall where my pc’s going to go with manga panels, especially haikyuu and blue lock (another sports manga, it’s about football! 10/10 would recommend) because the panels are just *chefs kiss* especially... miya atsumu... damn like timeskip tsumie just hits so different idk why, plus some sneaky gintama panels to help me forget that i still haven’t watched the movie and refuse to watch it. that’s a lie, actually. i got 30 mins in before i quit cause it felt like i was going to violently sob /j

sorry if i missed anything that you said! pinky promise i read it but my brain might’ve short circuited, u definitely have permission to bully me into it if i did forget (i say this like you’re not a kind soul and you wouldn’t just remind me nicely in a soft tone LMAO)

yeah!!! they do have cutouts, they shouldn’t let me and u near them tho cause we’ll end up taking a few home LMAO

first class tickets hell yeahhhh here we go🥺🥺🥺 i call dibs on paying for the shinkansen!!! we can go to the anime district, get some cool merch! akihabara? i think? pretty sure! also does japan sell squishmallows? everyone keeps talking about them but no one sells them in the uk... i want to expand my stuffed animal collection but build a bear charges like 40 quid for no good reason (that sentence in itself was the epitome of being british)

alright that’s a goodnight from me! i hope you’re having an absolutely great day/night/ evening, if not, hope it’s tolerable instead (:

take a sip of water<3

[cxmetery-gates]

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON

CHAPTER FIVE: COFFEE AND TINDER

SUMMARY: Lynn and Gabriel have a heart-to-heart talk about her last lover, with Gabe offering barely-legal suggestions. WORD COUNT: 2.45k NOTES: Gabe is probably my favorite character WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston, mentions of past relationships, break-up talk, h*tler reference?? never thought i’d write that

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST

THE SOUND OF A BELL alerts the classroom that the period is over. Everyone had been already packed and ready to go minutes before Mr. Hiddleston even began wrapping up his lesson. Even when I suffered through chemistry or dragged my deflated soul through finance, I never thought of putting my notes and pens away so soon. I know more than one student saw the icy glare I sent across the room but, most importantly and unfortunately, I also know nearly all of them didn't catch the slight disappointment in Mr. Hiddleston's tone.

I truly despise most people.

From the moment class started, it's been so unmistakably clear how much he loves what he teaches, that he enjoys what he spent thousands of dollars on just to show people how great literature is. I understand that all too well— save the going into debt part. Teachers are often times so mundane with their knowledge, not realizing how the way they present the information affects our understanding and interest in such. This is why high school teachers are stereotyped as people who just want a paid summer vacation. However, Mr. Hiddleston really put effort into his theatrics, like his lecture was a play. People with a teaching degree should teach in this way— why else go penniless willingly? The overall excitement was entertaining. And for that, I have to give the man some credit.

"Alright, guys. We'll be diving into the second part of this lecture tomorrow. Have a good one, you are dismissed." I don't think Mr. Hiddleston needed to announce the last blip of his closing statement. As I said, people are so rude.

Ellie begins to shove her notepad and other items into her bag after our teacher finishes speaking, reminding me of my kind company. I, on the other hand, am scrambling to take the last bit of notes, trying to relay any possible concepts mentioned on to paper. While there might not have been much depth in today's class, jotting down every last tidbit of information could be life or death. Or perhaps I'm just anal-retentive when it comes to note-taking. By the time I finish the note, Ellie is already standing.

"Girl, hurry up. We gotta go!" She drags out the last vowel of the last word humorously.

I wave my hand at her, flipping pages and dodging paper cuts. "Go on without me. I'll be fine," I say, remembering that Ellie's homeroom is on the first floor and the farthest down the hall.

Rolling her big brown eyes, she sighs, walking backward. "I'll miss you poppet. I love you." Her fake British accent is terrible, but I don't bother enlightening her. Perhaps the slight discoloration in her cheeks and how fast she dashed out of the room was due to finding Mr. Hiddleston in ear-shot of her terrible accent. I bite my lip, forcing myself to look away out of sheer second-hand embarrassment.

Once all my belongings are together, I turn to leave.

"That truly was an awful mockery," Mr. Hiddleston says in my direction from the whiteboard. His long toned arms wipe the marker away as I begin to walk past him.

I chuckle. "I'll let her know you said that."

Mr. Hiddleston fakes a groan, placing the eraser on the marker tray then turning to face me with those oh-so-charming eyes. There's no other way to describe them other than mesmerizing. "Oh, don't tell her I said it. I like being liked."

"Being 'liked' is the least of your worries with these girls," I mumble, mostly to humor myself. However, I must have been louder than anticipated. The innuendo is heard and doesn't fly over his head.

A titter of a laugh is heard from the man, and I now regret the words I mumbled. "So I have been told," he replies, making a slightly uncomfortable face. I can't blame him; anyone would feel incredibly awkward if teaching a class full of people who would sell both kidneys just to see them without a shirt.

Not in my dreams would I have imagined having a conversation with Mr. Hiddleston about how everyone wants to nail him. While such a phrase hasn't been explicitly noted, I have a feeling both our minds are in the same gutter. And with that recognition, an awkward heat embraces me. I press my lips together tightly and offer a shrug. "I think the proper thing for me to say is good luck."

Seeming to take my word, Mr. Hiddleston passes me a smile. I can't read what the meaning is, but I'll take it nonetheless with a cough to clear my throat. "Ah, well, as much as I love juicy gossip and scandals, I've got a stuck up prune for homeroom, so I definitely need to get going." I send him a wave, making my exit as awkward as possible.

"Warntz?" He asks.

My nose wrinkles at the name. It eve sounds terrible, almost as terrifying as Trunchbull or Umbridge. "You betcha."

"Good luck, Lynn. You've got two minutes."

I want to give another sassy remark, but the teasing look I find when I look over my shoulder sends my body into another blush. Muttering something close to 'whatever,' I decide that leaving is for the best, even if that means awaiting an angry, shriveled up raisin.

══════════════════

Exiting the high school front doors a few hours before the final bell is like the biggest sigh of relief and 'sucks to be you' to everyone else. An arm wraps around my shoulder, one I embrace kindly.

"So, we've got an hour on our hands," Gabriel reminds me, hinting we'll have to come back to grab Ellie and River. As he speaks, I toss my head back on his toned bicep. I swear he works out too much for an unpopular loser. "What would you like to do?"

I groan, dragging my chin down to my chest. "Why do I have to decide? You know I hate making decisions."

"We're taking second lunch here, Lynn. It isn't life or death, you weirdo," Gabe chortles.

"Can we just go get a coffee? I feel like I'm about to pass out." For effect, I pretend to faint, nearly going complete limp before his arms can hoist me back up.

Rolling his dark eyes, my partner in crime pulls a set of keys from his pocket, swinging the lanyard around his fingers while we head towards a tattered white truck being held together by zip ties, duct tape, and love. "You and Elle with your coffee addiction."

"Could be meth," I retort.

Snorting, Gabe slips a key into the slit on the driver's side. I stand on the opposite, sending a humored smile. "Yeah, as if that's any worse."

We make it to the local coffee shop in no time. Luckily for us, the lunch rush hour in this town ends just as we hit the road if we avoid the main highways that is. Gabe's truck and the coffee shop have a similar aesthetic: crowded, old, falling apart with an overwhelming sense of home and personality. I can't count how many times I've broken down and received well off advice from him in both locations. It feels safe here and being around him. Gabe's like the much older brother (by a month) that I never had. We're both complete, utter assholes to each other about 60% of the time, enforcing the sibling-like bond we have.

"Thank you," I say sweetly to the barista as he places my cold brew in front of me and Gabe's hot chocolate in front of him. Mimicking my gratitude, Gabe gives his thanks as the employee shuffled away, awkwardly patting at his frizzy hair.

We both take a sip and visibly relax. "So, the first day of our last year of high school." Gabe is also the mom friend. "Tell me, dear, how were all your classes?"

"Oh, dearest mother, I feel so content with my choices," I reply with a vintage accent, acting as though my voiced popped in from the 1920s. "How ever will I pick a favorite?"

Wiggling his brows, Gabe replies, "I hear someone landed themselves in the hottest teacher's class."

Prompting to return to my normal voice, I roll my eyes, a huff expelling from my diaphragm. "He's definitely a piece of eye candy, I'll tell you that."

"Took four years to figure that one out? I didn't realize unobservant you are." Taking a pause, Gabe brings to smirk widely. "Maybe that's why you haven't asked River out yet."

My eyes grow wide, my skin goes red. Looking at anywhere other than Gabe's eyes and smirking lips is a must. "I don't know—"

"Lynn, everyone knows."

"Sure, but he doesn't." I pause. "Wait, does he?"

"Dude, no, of course, he doesn't. He still thinks you're heartbroken over Trinity."

Ah, yes, Trinity. Who knew a happy year and two months could be wholly demolished beyond reconciliation in a single weekend? Certain not I, as I have spent the past three months moving on and over the ordeal. An annoyed grunt leads my cheek to rest in my fist. "He thinks I'm not over it?"

Gabe leans forwards. "None of us do, Lynn."

I stay silent.

"What happened... you didn't deserve that. Hell, Hitler wouldn't have deserved that. Probably."

"Weeeeell—"

"Point is, I know you're still trying to find a way to heal. You've done a damn good job, duh. But River thinks you're still in love with her."

"Ugh. I'd rather eat hairy horse shit than see her ever again."

Gabriel nods, "I was hoping that would be the case."

Knocking my knuckles on the wooden table, I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Man, I'm tired."

"You know we're all here for you, right?" Gabe asks, leaning in just a few inches. I want to roll my eyes, tell him that he worries too much, but I can't. I can't tell him, not because I want him to shut up or to change the topic, but because he knows me. To Gabe, I'm an open book.

I run out of words to say relating to the topic. The breakup is old news, everything following the incident becoming irrelevant memories and irreplaceable time. I'm kidding myself when I say I've moved on entirely because Gabriel is right: I haven't. Sometimes my thoughts get stuck on what I could have done better or what I should have done to convince her to stay. Despite these annoying blips, I know deep down that it was inevitable, that her consistent cheating and the emotional manipulation would only surface for everyone to see in due time. If they hadn't— which I tried to keep from happening— I have a gut-wrenching feeling I'd still be in the situation. I had a feeling Trinity and me wouldn't last, but it wasn't until after things ended did I realize how well she had me wrapped around her finger. It's taken months to find my way out of her web, but I now face the scary journey of recovery. Thankfully, the process has not been as hard as I anticipated. After all, living two cities away certainly helps.

"Yeah, I know. I'm still going through the motions. I just want it to speed up, you know?"

Smirking and pulling his hand back, Gabriel replies, "Maybe a Tinder will help?"

My nose wrinkles at the mere consideration. Hooking up, dating apps, meeting strangers behind a phone— not really my thing. "Nah, I'll pass on that offer, thanks."

"Suit yourself."

"Hmm, maybe I'll look into a sugar daddy site. Money from older men might make me feel a bit better."

Gabriel takes a sip of his hot chocolate, grinning. "Well, you have an interesting way with teachers. If you're struggling in a particular class, maybe that little fantasy of yours will come true."

"Oh yes, I can't wait to hop on Mr. Riley's seventy-year-old dick."

"Mhmm, yummy."

At this, I bark into a laughing-while-painfully-cringing fit. Never being a fan of the phrase "yummy" and having it tied to a man that's so old he's basically decaying, I find every part of this new conversation revoltingly hilarious. I guess my sudden outburst of laughter caught Gabe off guard, staring at me with a shocked grin and fixing the infamous beanie he wears. I couldn't count how many times I've seen him without; you can't count to zero.

"It really wasn't that funny," he says with a small hiccup of laughter in his voice.

I settle myself now that I feel the eyes of everyone in the coffee shop staring. "You're right, but something about it made me crack." I flip my phone over to check the time. "Should we be getting back? They've got twenty minutes left."

Gabe nods and lets out a content sigh. "Yeah, I guess so."

We decide to chug the rest of our beverages quickly— now room temperature and not as satisfying— before heading back out into the world. Away in the parking lot, the truck seems to beckon us to its forty-year-old, duct-tape-bound seats. As Gabe unlocks the truck doors, I let out a content sign and stare up at the sky. Above, the sun beams down on us and, like an idiot, I managed to look directly into it. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust but by that point, a dark cloud rolled over the blinding, distant star.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

TAGLIST:

@khadineberry​

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TAGGED, LET ME KNOW!

[saiyanqueenreads]

TMNT Thoughts...

You know what...? I’d fork over my left kidney for a well thought out, ballsily written, yet nuanced, adult-oriented incarnation of a Ninja Turtles series.

Like, I get it.  The original animated cartoon back in the 80′s-90′s made more money than the gods themselves could spend... and it was aimed at kids.  I was one of those kids...  So everyone now assumes that TMNT = Kid stuff.  And those ‘everyones’ are dead fucking wrong. 

A well-done adult oriented animated version would be a cash cow.  

ALL those old 80′s nostalgia fans.... *louder for the business execs in the back* ALL THOSE OLD 80′S NOSTALGIA FANS!!!!  And all their working-adults-with-jobs money!!! That you could sell a new gritty show about their favorite childhood butt-kickers to!!  All the merchandizing possibilities!!! $$$$

And a huge heaping bunch of the 2k3 fans, because there were a ton of folks that dug the darker tone of some of those eps.  Why do you think everyone and their mother has so much to say about Same As It Never Was?  And guess what execs?  If those 2k3 fans weren’t adults already in 2003, they sure as heck are now in 2020.

‘But what about the 2k12 Nick turtles?’, I hear you business-types whining.  That one’s mostly on you.  All us adults noticed the distinct lack of money making merch you threw our way.  And actually that show had definite multigenerational appeal.  There was a loooot of fluff.  But it also got real for moments.  The problem was that it wouldn’t let any of the substance from those moments stick... but we’re not too mad, because you were still trapped in that TMNT = Kids Stuff mentality.  And you STILL ended up with something that a LOT of adults grabbed onto.  So yeah, maybe about 60% of 2k12′s audience would be ‘too young’ for an adult focused show with actual blood.  That’s for their parents to decide I suppose.  But you’ll still get some of em!  

That leaves us with RotTMNT, which is chock FULL of adult fans.  And you even managed to lure over some of the anime folks, teens and adults both.  They WILL be along for the ride of an adult TMNT.  The young kids that were fans?  That’s what reruns and reintroducing previous incarnations is for.  Or there’s defiantly nothing stoping your from producing a new kids series simultaneously with a more adult one.

And when I say I want an adult show I don’t mean rated R or M or whatever.  We don’t need a bunch of random swearing, or lewdness, or even buckets of gratuitous blood.  Though some would be nice, blood that is.  We just need in-depth character development and storylines that are thought provoking, and that dig a little deeper below the surface than they’re normally allowed to.  There’s a lot of relatable content to be found with their personalities, their situation in life, and they way they choose to deal with the world at large and their place in it.  WE WANT DRAMA DAMNIT!

Go ask the writers over at IDW, or the folks back from Mirage.  They both knew how to do gritty!Turtles. Have a chat with the folks who screenwrote the original live-action Jim Henson suit movies.  Find some episode writers from 2k3′s gritty stuff.  Consult the rabid fans.  Hell, have a talk with the 2016 movie folks.  They managed goofy and upset and heart-felt Turtles.  

Execs have options. Fans just need to poke them into pursuing good ones.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

one | hard to forget | hangman.

↱ authors notes: ↲

Ahhh okay. Here we go. This is going to pick up where Darlin left off, give or take a few days so... if you haven’t read that, you might want to stop everything and go click on the link above and do that. I’m a little excited right now, because I purposely ended that one-shot on a cliffhanger. Because I wanted to try this so... Here’s to hoping it doesn’t flop.

↱ pairing ↲

adam hangman page x ofc! rosalie.

↱ summary↲

Adam and Rosalie shared a night together. A night that neither one of them can forget and yet, neither one of them seem to be able to talk to the other about. Between their own personal issues, backstage gossip and other awkwardness, will they eventually find their way together?

↱ warnings↲

I switch back and forth between first and third person (first=rosalie and third=hangman) and I realize that can be jarring for some, so I thought I’d warn you about that now... Now on to the actual warnings you need to be aware of...slow burn. angst. two stubborn fucking people both going through their own issues. alcohol mentions. probably smut at some point, idk. for now, that’s all I got.

↱ tag squad↲

If you want to be tagged in my writing, go add your @ to this doc here. If you’re not on there / haven’t told me you want to be tagged, you’re not getting tagged.

@kyleoreillysknee​

@rampagewriting​

@writertoo18​

@thatnerdwriter​

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure​

@chasingeverybreakingwave​

@waywardwrestlewritingwaif​

@sassymox​

@unabashedwrestlefics​ 

@wardl0w​ 

@wrestlingthot​ 

↱ other stuff ↲

[ tag list doc | masterlist | soundtrack to this fic | about page ]

                                                ONE 

[ ROSALIE]

I could feel Adam’s eyes on me, but like I’ve been tending to do lately, I trained my eyes intently on my Instagram app. I was only half listening to what Swole was saying at this point and I think she knew it, because she cleared her throat to get my attention as she nodded in Hangman’s direction.

“What?”

“Did you talk to him?” she gave me an expectant look as she licked the pudding off her spoon and I dropped my head, sighing quietly. “What do you think?”

“I think that if you don’t at least say something, you’re never gonna know.”

“And maybe that’s the way it should be, Swole.” I shook my head as I picked up the bottle of water sitting to my left and sat my cell phone down.

Sonny Kiss flopped down into the chair next to mine and took one look at me before bursting into laughter and shooting Swole a look. “She still hasn’t said anything.”

“Did you really think she would?” Swole scoffed at Sonny, shooting me a playful dirty look. “That man is over there suffering right now, girl.”

“It’s got nothing to do with me though. Besides, look at me!” I shook my head, picking at my salad as I lowered my voice and finished, “I’m a goddamn mess.”

“I swear to God, if one of them doesn’t bring up what happened soon, I’m taking matters into my own hands and shoving them in a closet together.” Thunder Rosa spoke up from her spot at the table. 

All I could do was open and close my mouth, trying to stammer out something in my defense. There wasn’t anything, no excuse I could offer to justify not attempting to find out what the other night meant to Adam, if it even meant anything at all. I just simply couldn’t bring myself to do it.

To hear it one more time. And this time from someone who’d managed to get deep under my skin. Who now lived in my head -and my heart, totally rent free.

I knew I’d never be able to handle hearing the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” shtick again. And I knew that Adam Page was a far better man than I could ever hope to even come close enough to being worthy of.

“So you’re a mess. I mean… He’s been a train wreck too, as of late.”

I gave Thunder Rosa an evil look almost as soon as she said it, but I found my gaze drifting off her and settling on him. Sitting alone in the corner of catering. It took everything in my power not to get up and go over to him like I wanted. But somehow, I managed to keep from doing it. 

“I know! And that’s probably the only reason he stooped to hook up with me! Guys, look. I love all of you but the facts are the facts...Sometimes, things just happen. Me hooking up with Adam last week? He was in a bad place. We know he never would’ve done it otherwise. Kinda sucks because we all know how I felt about it happening. I love the guy. And I just…” I trailed off because I’d been about to remind myself for the millionth time that it was ridiculous, we barely spoke. And he probably didn’t know my actual name, hence the reason he referred to me as darling the entire time. It wasn’t a term of endearment, but more likely, a way for him to distance himself from what was happening. A placeholder name because given how fast we got to that stage, it wouldn’t exactly have been anything short of awkward as hell for him to stop and ask my damn name.

I was determined. It was drilled into my brain. That night probably didn’t mean anything to him. He was lonely, hurting and I was a comforting warm body. We’re both consenting adults, sometimes things happen that way. God, did I not want it to be true. But, I was trying to really hammer it in my brain that more than likely, it was true.

“I mean I beg to differ, but go on, Rosalie. Show your whole stubborn ass, girl.” Sonny insisted, giving a snort and shaking their head at me. Thunder Rosa glanced from me to someone just behind me and as she grumbled and continued to stare behind me, my stomach churned.

“Well, if you didn’t want word getting out, that’s probably not gonna be a possibility anymore. Especially the part about you being in love...”

I felt my stomach starting to churn and I dropped my head to the tabletop, lightly banging it against. “Seriously? Who heard it?”

“Oh, only Matt fucking Jackson.” Swole rolled her eyes as she told me who’d been eavesdropping.

“Well that’s just fucking splendid.” I grumbled quietly, biting my lip as I watched Matt walking across catering towards his brother Nick. He winked at me before whispering something into Nick’s ear and if I thought my stomach was churning before, whew.. It was really churning now.

“Welp, that settles it. Time to look into selling a kidney. To buy a private island.” I tried to make a joke out of the situation, standing abruptly and gathering up my wrappers and the empty water bottle. Bracing myself to walk right past Matt and Nick’s table on my way to the bin.

And then Adam’s table on my way out of catering.

I’d just thrown away my trash and turned around, finding myself body to body with Matt.

“What?” I eyed him, trying my best to play casual. Pretend like I wasn’t fully aware he’d overheard my dirty little secrets. He eyed me up and down, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Just find it interestin’ is all.”

“What?” I rolled my eyes, attempting to make a step to the side and get the hell away from him. 

“You and Hangman.”

“What about it? Look, if you’re about to be sleazy, just know that Adam and I were a one time thing. And I do not intend to repeat what happened with anyone else. Especially not you.” I took a deep breath as I finished speaking, my body tense and prepared for battle. I know how men like Matt are when their ego gets a little wounded.

He pouted a little, leaning in closer. “Oh? But you were just sayin you loved the guy. I was just thinkin… If he’s not into you, darlin.. Maybe you could give me a shot?”

“What I said is precisely why I wouldn’t bother with you.. I’m not into flings, thanks bye.” I snapped at him as I gaped up at him in disbelief. I shoved past Matt with my ears burning, not daring to look anyone else in the eye on my way out. 

“You know you’re curious, sweetheart.” Matt taunted after me. I didn’t even bother dignifying the remark with a comeback because honestly, I was just still seething from the audacity of the guy to even say it to me.

Adam and I collided hard. He reached out to steady me and like an idiot, I shrank away, flinching a little because I was still unnerved by Matt’s whole attempt a few seconds before. Staring up at him a second or two, willing my brain to work. 

The second I saw his eyes darken and get stormy, I swallowed hard. 

,, welp, that confirms it. Guy can’t even look at me without being disgusted.” I thought to myself, taking a deep breath, muttering quietly, “Sorry, I.. I was in a hurry.”

“Yeah, I can see that, Rosie.”

Him actually using my name and not simply settling for Darlin’ had a little flicker of hope daring to spring to light. It was hope I quickly dashed. Nope, not likely.

Those baby blues were fixed on me and I felt my thighs clench all over again. My mouth opened and closed too. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t make everything so much more awkward than it was just leaving it be like I had been.

“I.. I have to go.” I pushed past him and hurried out of catering, down the hall and into the hair and makeup room. I leaned heavily against the wall, taking a few shaky breaths. There was so much I would’ve said if I hadn’t left in a hurry. Everything I felt, everything I wanted and needed, it had all been literally a breath away from spilling out. 

[ ADAM ]

,, Well, that’s that.” Adam sighed as the thought came, shaking his head sadly. He’d been trying for a little over a week now to get her to herself because someone had to mention what happened. It obviously wasn’t going to be her. 

And if the way she flinched back at me a few seconds ago is anythin’ to go by,” Adam thought to himself, “She doesn’t want me to bring it up either.” 

Just the thought ate him up. It added to everything else already happening, everything that was spinning too far out of control for him to even attempt fixing now.

He flopped back into the seat he’d been sitting in and propped his head against his hands, eyes closing tight.

There had to be some way out of all this. 

He really couldn’t stomach the possibility that he was going to lose everyone. Her, before he even really got a chance to have her like he wanted. All to himself.

,, figures, she agrees with the rest of ‘em. Well, fuck it.” the intrusive thought crept in and Adam fought to keep it out.

But lately, it was getting harder and harder to fight these pesky little intrusive thoughts. He was starting to resign himself to the fact that everything about his current situation in life was fucked 10 ways to Sunday and he was starting to realize that while his friends may have set it in motion months ago, he certainly hadn’t helped matters only.

Finishing his bottled water, he stood and made his way over to the garbage, tossing the bottle in. He didn’t particularly care to stick around. Making conversation with any of them seemed a bit of a moot point now. He didn’t even begin to know where to start, making things right with his friends.

And Rosie? Still a huge goddamn mystery to him.

He felt like they might have connected that night backstage. But then she made herself damn near invisible. And she was nothing if not good at it, too. And asking around didn’t help anything. Asking around only seemed to highlight the fact that nobody actually knew her. 

All he wanted was one chance. One shot to explain that if he didn’t already want her so badly he could feel it in his bones way down deep, that night never would’ve went down between them. That he hadn’t just been doing it as a heat of the moment thing. That she hadn’t just been a source of comfort that night.

He spotted Sonny on his way out of catering and he stopped them.

“How well you know Rosie?” Adam asked the question cautiously, eyeing Sonny intently, hoping maybe he’d get some form of answer he could work with. Anything right now would be nice. Because right now, he was officially out of ideas. ,, aside from the obvious one, goin up to her and demandin to talk. Because of course, that’s outta the damn question. I can’t handle hearin’ here politely tell me that night was a one time thing when I want it to be more than that.” Adam thought to himself as he shuffled his feet, waiting. 

Sonny eyed him, a hand on their hip as they did so. “Well enough to say that if you don’t say something first, nothing will ever be said, Page.”

With that said, Sonny turned on their heels and walked out of the area, leaving Hangman to stand there, his hand against the back of his head as he tried to figure out what his next move was.

,, If I even bother with one. That flinch ought t’ be my answer. People don’t flinch without a damn good reason. The reason was obviously me. She regrets it. I need t’ leave it alone. Let her be.” 

[ ROSALIE]

The door banged shut to hair and makeup and I caught sight of Thunder Rosa making her way in, flopping down into my hair and makeup chair again. 

“Girl, that new guy in Lights. He asked for your number again.”

“Yeah, no.. He wants a hook up. God knows I’ve made enough of a mess lately.”

“And you’d only sleep with a co-worker if you really love them. Like Adam?” Rosa teased and I grumbled at her, shrugging. “I never said that.”

“You don’t have to! You’re a shitty liar and you can’t hide anything to save your life. The only thing saving your skin is the fact that the poor guy has a ton of baggage heaped on him right now.”

“Speaking of… That interview with Tony earlier.. Is he okay right now?”

“You’d know if you’d fucking talk to the man.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. The sting of the words he said about himself earlier came rushing back all over again.

“I feel like from head to toe, I’m full of poison.” 

No matter what I tried, I couldn’t un-hear the words. And all I’d wanted to do when I heard him say it was go to him. Show him that he wasn’t.

I kind of have the feeling that right now, he’d never believe me. And it bothers me.

And the fact that it bothers me bothers me even more.

I grumbled at myself in frustration all over again as I dug around in my kit, getting out the stuff I used to do Rosa’s lashes and the other makeup she’d need to paint the half of her face and I sighed.

Yeah, I know everyone is right. I should talk to him. But here’s the thing. I fucking can’t. I’ve literally been outside of his hotel room. A speech all prepared in my head. About to knock on the door. 

And then all I can hear is everything I’ve ever heard out of anyone else when I dare hope that maybe just once I’ll be enough.

Or all the stuff my ex liked to say to try to keep me with him. 

Once that stuff gets in your head and it fucks with you, it never entirely stops. And I know that even if I had him, my own insecurities would probably drive him running for the hills if nothing else did first.

“You know that doing this is letting Jonny win..Right? The only out is through. You need to work through all this stuff in your head that keeps insisting you’re not worth it for somebody.”

“Did you just shrink me, Rosa?”

“I call it like I see it.”

“And all I’m saying is that maybe.. Throwing myself headfirst into… this.. Is not the best idea for either of us right now. I had him, okay? For one night, I had him. If that’s all I get, that’s all I get.”

“But you could have more. You could talk to the man. You could work through whatever happened. Because I don’t think he’d just fucking sleep with you if he didn’t want you already, okay? He’s not exactly like the other jerks we work with.”

“I know.” 

God, did I know. His being completely different than other men was what drew me to him. Because he wasn’t  

He stood out among all the douche bags and dogs that seemed drawn to me like a magnet. For whatever reason, the calm I felt whenever he was around was almost overwhelming. It terrified me because I hadn’t ever felt it before.

It made it entirely too easy for me to just let go. Take the risk of opening up all over again. Something I hadn’t done in so long that now, faced with the desire to do so, I was actually terrified of doing it. 

“It’s driving you crazy, Rosie. Either you do something about it, or you let a shot pass you by. I thought you were the kind of girl who doesn’t scare easily.”

“This is different.” I emphasized my point and gave a pleading look, hopeful that maybe she’d leave the situation alone. But no, of course not. She pressed further.

“No, it’s stupid, that’s what it is.”

And yeah, I knew she was right. It was stupid. And I did want to say something. I couldn’t keep avoiding the guy. But damned if I knew how to go about bringing up what happened between us, let alone anything else I might want and need to ask him.

Besides, the way he looked at me earlier in catering hadn’t exactly inspired any confidence to do so.

“At least think about it.”

“I am. Constantly.”

“I can’t with you.”

“I can’t with myself right now, honestly. I really went all out with this one, huh?” I laughed and shook my head as I sank down into a chair and took a few deep breaths. “It doesn’t have to be this damn dramatic.”

“Exactly!”

‘But then I think I have the nerve to talk to him and I think of a million and one good reasons not to.” 

“Damn it, Rosie.”

“I just… I need time. I need to ease into this.”

The door was knocked on and Rosa and I shared a look. I stood and made my way over, throwing it open. MJF stood there, that little smirk as he eyed me up like a piece of meat. I scowled at him.

“What the hell do you want, Max? Was my not unless hell froze over not clear enough?”

“Oh.. it was clear. But here’s the thing.. I refuse to believe it.” Maxwell stepped into the room and I grumbled, flipping off his turned back after rolling my eyes skyward.

Did anybody backstage know how to keep their goddamn mouth shut?

“See. I heard something interesting about you.” Maxwell held my gaze, a calm smirk playing at his lips as he looked me up and down. I could feel my stomach churning already and honestly, it took everything inside of me NOT to just reach out and strangle Maxwell... First Matt, then him.. Because obviously, Matt’s been running his mouth about what he just heard, that has to be it... I reminded myself, taking a deep breath as I tried to calm down.

“Oh yeah?”

“I heard you actually did get mixed up with somebody back here. Contrary to what you told me.. You know, that crap about not mixing business with pleasure.”

“See, here’s the thing, Maxy boy. I never said I considered… anything… involving you… Pleasure. So… there’s that.” I pointed to the open door and he eyed me, rubbing his chin. “You’ll wind up giving in. Everybody does.” I stood taller, giving a firm glance to the door before glaring up at him and tapping my foot. All I wanted was Maxwell to get the hell away from me. I mean.. Sure that was tied with the firm desire to find Matt Jackson and punch him in the cock because somehow, he must have been running his mouth and now, naturally, my personal business was all out there for the world to know, but hey.. Getting Maxwell the entire fuck out of my sight was up high on that list.

“Pretty sure I’d rather bind my legs shut with molasses first. Are you done making an entire ass of yourself? Because I’d really like to get back to my actual job.” I rolled my eyes and again, I pointed at the door. The guy had three seconds and I was going to let my inner bad bitch out to play. Lucky for me, Maxwell seemed to finally take the hint and he made a retreat, eye-fucking me one last time on his way out the door.

Once the door was closed behind me, I leaned against it and lightly beat the back of my head against. “I swear to God, this is… Why am I the kind of person who goes without being messy until suddenly, I go ham and it’s a literal shit-storm?”

“I mean, look on the bright side. Sooner or later now one of you has to bring it up?”

“Fucking hilarious, Rosa. Fucking hilarious.” I muttered sarcastically as I poked my tongue out at her and pouted.

“If the poor guy wasn’t disgusted enough at doing what he and I did last week already, pretty sure he’s gonna fucking LOVE this going around.” I rubbed my forehead, pacing back and forth in front of the door.

“Nobody’s gonna even think about this longer than a day.”

I eyed her with a brow raised. Somehow, I doubted. 

“I’m being serious. This is not a big deal. Tomorrow something else will happen and nobody’s gonna think about it.”

“ God, I can only hope.” I mumbled quietly as I made the choice to shove it all out of my head, get to work on Rosa’s makeup for the night instead. In the back of my mind, I found myself wondering just how far spread everything had gotten by now.

Knowing Matt’s tendency to shoot off his mouth, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m the talk of the men’s locker room. I pretty much resigned myself to the realization that if I wanted things to go smoothly between me and Adam, this getting out probably guaranteed they wouldn’t.

And in a flash, something intimate and private, between two people, became this publicly known thing. And it annoyed me, because that was never what I intended. Especially granted what Adam’s already going through with the guys.

He didn’t need this shit on top of it.

[diteach]

2020 in review

I was tagged by @apeironaxiomaton to look back at 2020 and pretty much to try and not hate it so much! Thank you!!

Also I’m stealing the idea of putting everything under a cut, which I have never done in my life (and probably should start doing) bc it makes things neat as heck. Almost none of these are in a particular order.

Top 5 movies I saw this year:

Volevo Nascondermi by Giorgio Diritti - this movie is REALLY good AND I have good memories tied to the protagonist for Reasons I’m gonna cry bye (a shame that I’ve only watched this other excellent movie starring Elio Germano tonight bc it should be on this list)

Emma (2020)

The King’s Speech

Spirited Away or Porco Rosso - I had watched the first before and never the second so I think the fairer choice would be Porco Rosso but I’m not entirely convinced of it

The Wolf of Wall Street - look, I simply have a weak spot for stories that are so absurd they can be nothing but real (see “the other Elio Germano movie”)

Top 5 TV shows I watched this year:

Murdoch Mysteries - it will stay engraved in the first place of EVERY chart in saecula saeculorum and NO nothing can take its place I don’t care

Peaky Blinders

Alias Grace - which I was sure was a movie? I was so shocked to discover it isn’t like was it really six hours long what the

The Queen’s Gambit

Suburra: Blood on Rome - “The series was developed by Daniele Cesarano and Barbara Petronio for Netflix, making it its first Italian-language original television series.” I’ll be honest, some bits were a little bit hmm-inducing. Not the best tv series I’ve ever seen, but it managed to be fun and easy to watch. Suspenseful even!

Top 5 Songs:

So there’s a reason why Spotify said I’m an octogenarian this year and for as much as I complain about it... it’s right... Spotify’s right. And it will only get worse, I’m afraid. All the songs are from the same playlist which was my most listened to (and is the most interesting to share imo). I swear I have listened to other, newer things as well.

Shake That Thing by The Abe Lyman’s California Orchestra

Night Hawk Blues by The Coon-Sander’s Nighthawk Original Orchestra

Where the Sweet Forget-Me-Nots Remember by Merle Johnston and His Ceco Couriers (I’ve loved these flowers since I was a kid it was so nice to find a song with them in the title!!)

Dew Dew Dewey Day by Nat Shilkret

The Panic is On by Mezz Mezzrow And His Swing Band

Top 5 Books I Read This Year:

so this is embarrassing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I “bought” an insane amount of books and read a grand total of...like...t w o. It was actually like four and some short stories (which I hated and are therefore banished from the good boy list) so I’m gonna list my silly little titles and make my silly little comments about them all. From “””””best””””” to “worst” we have:

The Adventures of a Modest Man by Robert W. Chambers - I literally cannot shut up about this book and, yes, it is the one tied to this illustration, about which I equally cannot shut up about. It’s so horrible that it makes a 360 and comes back as good, but not before hitting you with a cardboard tube for a laugh and subsequently stabbing you in the kidneys just because it can. I think we can confidently state that we are in the “I didn’t say it was good, I said I liked it” realm. I have so many questions about this book. Why was it written? Was it taking itself seriously? Was it commissioned by someone? Why is it so gay but only if you know that the author is a man? Maybe it’s a parody? Was it an experiment made by the author to test his own skill? I know jack about literature, unfortunately, so grain of salt here but it made me feel strong feels. Not that I could identify any of them if you asked, but they’re definitely there.

Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot - I’m counting this in bc what is a book if not a patchwork of silly little paragraphs anyway so yes, we have a collection of poems. Not only do I know jack about literature; as a matter of fact, I know jack about poetry as well! All I’m gonna say is: I like cute things, I like cats, the poems were cute AND about cats. I really liked it! I often find myself going back and reading again specific parts just for the delight it is to read them out loud! I also may or may not have named the cats you can adopt in Stardew Valley after some of Eliot’s cats. The movie Cats (2019) did one good thing: making me read this.

How You Can Keep Fit by Rudolph Valentino - Yes, that is correct. A book on fitness written (in English!) by silent movie superstar Rodolfo Valentino. It is less than 100 pages on real, actual exercises that the reader can replicate in the comfort of their own house with little to no equipment. With a sprinkle of old timey manly manner of speaking, a few anecdotes from the author’s childhood in ye merry Italian countryside, a dusting of precious advice against ice-cream, and a dash of genuine intrigue for these newly discovered “vitamins” everyone is talking about. Overall a fascinating read that I treasure dearly! Valentino also wrote a book of poems, which I am absolutely thrilled to read this year.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway - Hmm.. I have mixed feelings about this one. Whenever the original language of a book is English, I instinctively want to read it in that language. Because I can! And because that way I get to read exactly what the author wrote. If it was another language, I’d get a translation, make peace with the fact that selling my soul to acquire perfect knowledge of all things is morally questionable, and call it a day. Problem: I’m a sucker for old books. And old books I did find indeed. There were three books by Hemingway for sale, very pretty, and for an almost symbolic price too so I bought them. They are Italian translations from the late 50s and my plan was to go through one in Italian, one in English, and after that, decide in which language to read the last one. I believe it was a mistake for me to start with Italian in Hemingway’s case. He’s known for having a very, VERY peculiar style that is integral to how the novels are perceived and I feel like I've robbed myself of literal peace of mind. For as much as I found the story interesting, I could not ignore the voice in the back of my head that kept wondering “was it necessary to render it like this?”. It did make me feel feels and think thoughts, but honestly? It was partially for the wrong reasons imo. It’s one of those books you should read at least once in your life, I guess, so I’m definitely glad I did it! Surprisingly, it captured me more than I expected and trapped me into its little world. I could clearly imagine the scenes in my head, which hadn’t happened in years! I’m really excited to move on to the next two books and finally be able to say if I appreciate his style or not.

Top 5 positive things that happened to me in 2020:

Visited Rome and took a stroll around on my own (sort of) for the first time in my life. I had never seen it at night :) Right after that I celebrated my birthday and got some cute gifts, including sweets that were sent all the way from Australia!!

Managed to buy my mom a gift, which is possibly the only real Accomplishment of 2020.

Took a bizarre trip this summer (I know, guilty) and fell in love with Slovenia

Discovering I like textile arts kinda gave me hope for myself and for the future. I say kinda for I dare not think concretely of anything too positive lest it should be prematurely taken from me. I shan’t elaborate. It is what it is.

Therapy!!!

The last few months of 2020 really hit me hard whereas in the beginning nothing was too bad so it was nice to see the list growing and growing! So many tiny good things happened and it’s worth to cling onto them. I’m tagging @sonicysuchillydog, @nurmilintunen, @alfonzone and anyone else who’d like to participate!! “Tell them I sent you” lol. Guys.............if you don’t feel like going thru your 2020 feel free to ignore bc......I get it............................

[givemebokutoandiwa]

Tagged by @haikyuudreaming (yeeee finally I can do it lol) 

Name: Aurora

Nickname(s): Rho/Rhea

Gender: Female

Star sign: Leo! (my curls talk for me eheheh)

Current time: 2:04 pm

Favorite artist(s): I love so many artist :((( i love to listen to various type of music but my first love was Woodkid (stan him pls)

Favorite song: *crying hard* “Run boy run” “I love you” and “Conquest of Spaces” (I can say all of his album?) by Woodkid, “BB’s Theme” from the game Death Stranding, “Best Friend” by Rex Orange Country, “Champion Sound” by Ill Factor, “Come and get your love” by Redbone, “I’m Leaving” by Low Roar (this one get me chills everytime)

Song stuck in my head: “Show me how you burlesque” yes, because i love Christina and that song.

Last movie I saw: at home.. it was “Spirited away” and in theater i think it was “Avengers End Game”

Last thing I googled: “Erwin Smith hot fanart” (IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE PLEASE, YOU’LL MAKE ME HAPPY) 🥵🥵🥰🥰

Other blogs: I don’t have one but i’m planning maybe? because i wanna improve my english and i wanna write things 😈

Main blog: this one 

Do you get asks: no 😭 i don’t bite I swear!

Reason behind my url: Ehm... oh god.. well i really love Iwa and Bokuto, so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Average amount of sleep: A LOT, like 8 to 9 hours? Yo, I live in countryside, my neighborhood is composed of farms!

Currently wearing: big sweatshirt, comfy pants (my lazy outfit lol)

Dream job: I dream too much so I would love to do many jobs.. but the first dream job I ever had was about being a vet. 

Dream trip: mmm I’d love to visit Ireland, Iceland and the North Europe! Also I wanna go to Japan and South Korea! (Also america but i need to sell my kidneys at this point lol)

Favourite food: WELL I COULD DO A REALLY LONG LIST. I really love meat, in every possibile way. Also, please google “coppa”, “pancetta” and “salame”. THIS ARE OUR REGIONAL PRODUCTS and i really like them. Well also pasta and pizza (and no, i’m italian but i don’t eat pasta and pizza everyday 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Instruments: I have a piano in my house (bc mom play it) but i don’t play it.

Tagging: IDK.... jisas.... @haikyuuscreaming, @mikwrites and @briswriting (love u)

[hauntedbubblewriter]

Drabble Challenge: 1-150

Rules: Simply send me the number u want me to do (You can use more than one but please don't over do it) and tell me which member you want me to write for.

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

“Who gave you that black eye?”

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

“I just like proving you wrong.”

"How about we just don't go outside"

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“Forget it. You fucking suck.”

“Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”

“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Take. It. Off.”

“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.”

“I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

“Stop it! It tickles!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

"All I want is ice cream and cuddles"

“And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.”

“D..did you just make that noise?”

“He’s a bad kisser.”

“You can scream if you want.”

“I didn’t know we were keeping track.”

“We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.”

"You won't die, it will just be horribly painful"

“One of them’s missing.”

“Save some for me.”

"Oh, fuck off.”

“You’re still mad?”

“Come over here and make me.”

“You better watch yourself.”

“Eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.”

“Call on Line 1”

“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”

“I’m done! You can fix it!”

“Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”

"If I sell my Kidney, I could totally afford it"

“Where did he go?”

“You leave whenever you feel like it."

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

“You’re going out dressed like that?”

“For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

“Frost the damn cupcakes.”

“Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.”

“You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

“I thought you were dead!”

"Maybe the sexy dance was too much"

“We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

“Quit touching me. Your hands are cold.”

“You know you want it, sweetheart.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.”  

“You just wanted them because the light up.”

“That wasn’t very subtle.”

“He thinks he’s a mind reader.”  

“It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

“I don’t do hugs.”

“Don’t talk anymore.”

“How do I even put up with you?”

“I said get rid of it.”

"Will I get paid for it"

“They didn’t just find out. They already knew!”

"You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.”

“I have a secret.”

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

“He’s four years old!!”

“I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?"

“Mind if I join you?”

“Daddy!"

“That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?”

“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you.”

"You can't just buy a puppy out of impulse"

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m not your boss? Well then who is?”

“You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.”

“Come on, baby, up to bed.”

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

“Am I scaring you?”

“Run! You said you’d work out with me!”

“After everything…I’d still choose you.”

“And when did you plan on telling me about this?”

“Trust me.”

“Scoot over a little bit, please.”

“You’re so clingy, I love it.”

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“You’re cute when you’re all worried.”

“Stop being grumpy. It’s lame.”

“I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You got a cute butt.”

“I just got out of the shower, I can’t dance. What if my towel falls off?”

“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

“Do you really think I could ever replace you?"

“Sharing is caring. Now give me your fries.”

“…or we can chill in our underwear.”

“You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

“You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper, and a movie. You in?”

“Have you seen my contacts?”

“Life is a highway, and I’m always drunk. So I’m not driving.”

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

“Is he coming home?”

"I prefer blondes.”

“No more dogs. How hard it it to understand?”

“I let you win.”

“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair.”

“Can I do your hair?”

“Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.”

“I told you not to jump on the bed!”

“Ready or not, here I come.”

“I’m worried about losing my job!”

“Oh, did I scare you, big boy?”

“Happy new year!”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!”

“You nap, I’ll stay awake.”

“It’s turbulence. It’s normal.”

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

"Of course you have to pay for breathing the same air as me"

“I’ll give you a massage.”

“You fell asleep in the tub?!”

“Are you doodling?”

“We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

“Slushies aren’t just for kids, fuck society.”

“Are you scared…Then why won’t you look at the screen?”

“Enough with the pillow talk, I’m tired.”

“You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

“We need groceries, not just junk food. You’re the worst.”

“Is this our closet? Or your closet?”

“If I win, you do dishes for a week.”

“Fist bumps are cooler than high-fives…”

“Use your words."

“Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

"Ew, your hand is sweaty.”

“Get out of my face before I hit you.”

“Look! Fireflies!”

“Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

"I just need ten minutes.”

"Do you wanna die?"

"If you're here who was the person in our bedroom"

"Who needs sleep If you have depression and coffee"

"Just let me help you"

"I could also lie to you if that would make you feel better."

*Make Your Own*

[sofreakinmanyfandoms]

The Craigslist Date - Chapter 1

Hey all, thought I’d try my hand at writing a fic since I enjoy reading them so much. I’m going to try to update every day for the first five days just so I can get some sort of masterlist started, and then it’ll drop to updating weekly. Please give feedback whether you like it or not! It’ll help me grow as a writer. Much thanks to @thorne93 for being a sweetheart and reading it before I posted!

Word count: 1415

Warnings: None. I hardly even swear irl, so there’s not even really any of that in here. There will be fluff in later chapters, though.

------------------------------

Something had to be wrong. You pushed your thumb and forefinger against the bridge of your nose as you closed your eyes against the computer screen’s brightness. The numbers weren’t adding up. No matter how many times you re-counted, you still came up $200 dollars short. You needed the numbers to be wrong.

How in the hell were you supposed to come up with $200 by this weekend? You thought briefly about selling a kidney, but you were pretty sure none of your English Lit major friends knew anyone who’d be buying one.

If only you could work more hours. Around classes and studying, the hours you were able to work in the school cafeteria barely covered your normal expenses, much less any surprises. After that uninsured jerk hit your car two weeks ago, you’d had to get your taillight replaced to avoid any traffic tickets, and your bank account was suffering. You hadn’t eaten anything but ramen and hot dogs in over a week and you were getting sick of taking sponge baths to lower your water bill. While your next paycheck would be enough to cover your utilities, your rent was due in five days and no amount of penny pinching would magically add $200 dollars to your account before then.

With a sigh, you opened up Craigslist and turned to the want ads. Maybe you could sell your couch. Or your dresser; your clothing was usually kept in piles on the floor anyway, right?

You found someone willing to pay $100 for a bed frame – your mattress would work just as well on the floor, right? – and were about to click on it when a listing at the bottom of the page caught your eye.

Looking for woman to take our (M) friend out on a date - $250

You blinked and double-checked to see if you’d read that right. There had to be a mistake. But when you looked again, $250 dollars was still staring back at you. They must be looking for a hooker, you thought. Unable to help yourself, you clicked the link.

“Four friends are in search of a female date for a fifth friend (male). Payment will be given up front. Must be a female at least 20 years old and free Friday the 30th from 6:45-9pm. No sex required. The date will be in a public place, so you don’t need to worry about being kidnapped. (We promise none of us are creepy.) Looking for someone interested in art or history, if possible. To apply text (917)555-6011; please include your first name and why you responded.”

Well…that was certainly something. You leaned back in your chair and reread the ad. So they weren’t looking for a hooker. But what is wrong with their friend that they felt the need to pay someone to go on a date with him?

A series of quacks from your phone pulled you out of your head and back into the present. You looked at the text and smiled. “Hey sis!” it read, “I saw these flowers and thought of you. Since I can’t give them to you in person I’m sending you a pic.” A picture of your younger brother beaming while holding a fistful of buttercups accompanied the message. You shot back a, “Thank you so much, Jeremiah! They’re beautiful,” with a selfie of your smile and put your phone back down.

Maybe that was it. Maybe their friend had Down syndrome like Jeremiah, or was on the autism spectrum and had a hard time meeting people. You were good with people like that. Maybe you could make enough to cover your rent and make someone’s day at the same time. Hell, with $250, you could even get some food that wasn’t ramen and take a real shower.

Reservations gone, you picked up your phone again and typed in the number. It took you less than a minute to type up your message and hit send. Now all you had to do was hope you made the cut.

 ----------

“Nat, Sam’s phone dinged! Maybe our ad got a reply!”

Nat shook her head as Clint yelled from the kitchen. She yelled back from her spot curled up on the living room floor, “No one’s answered in the past two days. I told you no one would go for it. It’s a stupid idea.”

Clint poked his head around the corner. “But maybe someone finally did. And if it’s such a stupid idea, why’d you join the money pool to pay for it?”

Nat sighed. “Because Steve’s never gonna find his own date, no matter how many suggestions I feed him. Check to see if it’s a reply or just a regular text.”

“I can’t. Sam changed his password after Bucky changed his phone background to that picture of Fluttershy and he won’t tell me what it is now.”

“Fine, toss it here.” Nat caught it easily and put in the new password.

“Hey, how come he told you but not me?”

“Because I’m not the one who told Bucky what it was last time.” Nat pulled down the notification so she could read the first bit. She cocked an eyebrow. “Well, whadda ya know. We did get a reply.”

Clint hopped over the back of the couch and peered over her shoulder. “I wanna see! I wanna see!”

“Hello,” the text read, “my name is Y/N, I’m 22, and I’m replying to your craigslist ad. I’m replying because I want to help your friend have a really nice evening, and if I’m being completely honest also I need money for my rent that’s due Saturday.”

“Where’d my phone go?” Sam called out from the kitchen.

“It’s in here! Our ad got a reply!” Clint called out, bouncing up and down like a little kid. “Her name is Y/N, and she –”

“Let him read it himself,” Natasha interrupted. Sam came into the room and she passed him his phone. Clint kept bouncing as Sam took his time with reading the text.

“What should we text her back?” Sam asked, looking at Nat.

“I think –”

“I’m asking Nat, Clint. You have terrible ideas.”

“Hey,” Clint pretended to pout. “I came up with the idea for the post, didn’t I? That was a good idea.”

Sam shook his head. “Finding Steve a date on Craigslist is not a good idea, even if it does end up working. It’s just a better idea than anything Tony came up with.”

“Well, from the little bit we know about her, Y/N seems nice,” Nat interrupted Clint before he could protest. “She might be a little young, but Steve’s old enough that we knew that would happen. I’d say we give her a chance. It’s not like we’ve been swamped with replies, and Tony already made reservations at the restaurant for this weekend.”

“Done,” Sam said, drafting a reply.

 ----------

You jumped when your phone quacked less than 15 minutes after sending your text. It’s okay. I’m sure it’s just Jeremiah. You checked your notification. Nope, not Jeremiah.

You smiled as you read the text. “Hi, Y/N,” it started, “thank you for your reply. You sound like a sweet person, and honesty is a great quality that definitely isn’t going to disqualify you. If you’re sure you’d like to do this, I’ll give you the date details. My name’s Sam, btw.”

Your heart was beating as you sent your affirmation. This time it only took two minutes for Sam to reply.

“Be at Daniel on E. 65th at 6:45 this Friday. I’ll meet you out front and pay you before it starts. Your date will be there at 7; his name is Steve. Don’t worry about prices; everything is covered. If you don’t have an appropriate dress, we can arrange one for you. Let me know if you need anything.”

You suddenly realized you had stopped breathing. Daniel was classy and expensive. If they could afford that for two people, no wonder they could pay you $250 for showing up. Good thing your mother had bought you that dress when you were home last break. “Y/N, you never know when you’ll need a formal dress, and by the time you know, it may be too late to buy one.” With a quick text to Sam confirming you got his message and wouldn’t need a dress, you went to your closet. Friday may be four days away, but you wanted every bit of your outfit planned beforehand.

[euphoricfilter]

To add onto my previous gaming ask. I think I like the concept because the gamer usually prioritizes the game since it's multiplayer and can't be paused. There's some power dynamics and "neglect" in it if mc cockwarms them bc mc is needy. Them cursing into mc's ear especially if it comes out breathy omg. Especially for Jin bc he said he doesn't want to curse on camera for the fans. Makes me want to hear him curse even more. Jin seems like he'd get frustrated while gaming easily since he said he almost threw his controller while playing elden ring i think. Them taking out their frustrations onto mc during the game like roughly grabbing their chest, throat, or hair omg. For Jin, manhandling the mc after omg.

-🖤

YOUR BRAIN IS SO SEXY

i’d sell my kidney to hear jin curse. he’d start something (very horny things) if he were to ever play on live and swear ID SCREAM

TAKINF OUT THEIR FRUSTRATIONS IM CRYING it would be so so so yummy, so many orgasms as well, the adrenaline would help with that after a super intense game

there’s something so humiliatingly hot about the m/c just rutting against like jin as he plays, but he pays not mind to her. maybe this is like a super common thing. maybe the m/cs libido is super high and jin’s fine with her just using him to get off as he plays because he knows she can be so so needy sometimes but he could never deny her of anything. maybe his clause is, that the only way she’s allowed his cock is if she can get it up with her mouth, which isn’t all that hard and then she can bounce on it to her hearts content while jin just does his thing

BOOB GRABBING YES

GRABBING THE THROAT YES YES AND FHEN ROUGHLY PULLING THE M/C IN FOR A KISS

DONT GWT ME STARTED ON MANHANDLING THAGS A WHOLE OTHER THING THAT JUST IS SO YES IN SO MANY WAYS

[kpop-imagines-247]

Prompts for March 9th to the 16th send in requests

Before requesting please read the rules.

Okay, so these next two weeks quick write prompt list are down below. Each week there will be a  different theme. I will also finish up any request that was for last weeks that didn’t fit in with the AUs that I was doing. The types I will be writing are fluff, angst, sad, and suggestive(But not full on smut.)

I will be writing for these groups there are also some new groups that I am going to attempt to write for :

EXO (ot12)

Super Junior

NCT 

Astro

Monsta x

Got7

B.A.P

Ikon

Eric Nam

Min Kyung Hoon

Shinhwa

Sechskies

Block b

Aomg

Vixx

AU’s:

Demon

Mafia

Vampire

Werewolf

Royal

CEO

Angel

Military

Marriage

Bodyguard

Ghost

Serial Killer

Soulmate

no/ non-au.

Please, no suggestive request for underage idols or newly legal idols.If you have another idea for a prompt that isn’t listed please include it in your request  

Example of a request: Hello can I please have a vampire AU with Wonho from Monsta X including the sentence starters # 1 and 18 can it please be a  slightly suggestive angst to fluff.

Prompts:

“You’re hair is so soft.”

“I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to suffer by yourself again I promise.”

“If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars.”

“Mmm….You’re warm.”

“I can’t believe I got the first date, let alone a year.”

“We live together. You can’t blame this on anyone else.”

“Is that my hoodie.”

“You’re mine.”

“Did I fucking stutter.”

“You mean the world to me.”

“Marry me!”

“Don’t touch what isn’t yours.”

“Who do I have to kill now.”

“If you ever touch her again, I swear, you will wish all I did was hit you.”

“You’re NOT wearing that out.”

“New plan: We keep her alive and sell her organs you can get a lot of money for kidneys.” “NO! You weren’t supposed to kidnap her in the first place! Take her back NOW.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed!” “But…I didn’t”

“Please don’t leave me. I am a work in progress but I’m trying.”

“Shh you’re are safe. I won’t go.”

“It’s not a double date, we are just third and fourth wheeling.”

“I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water.”

“You can’t solve your problems by hiding in bed all day.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Because I love you.”

“Prove it.”

“It’ll always be you.”

“He’s the opposite of friendly. His unfriendly, as in, don’t be friends with him.”

“This is the person that took everything from me and I can’t let them take you too.”

“And you didn’t tell me this until now?” “I didn’t think it was important…”

“How sweet sacrificing yourself for her, when did you get a heart.”

“Everything I’ve done is for you, you’re the only thing in the world that matters to me.”

“I thought they killed you, I am glad I thought wrong.”

“Darling, can you please stop randomly summoning me? I was mid-conversation.” “but I missed you.” “You could have called.”

“Don’t make me take you home and punish you.”

“I know he’s trouble but I don’t care.”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re a bad guy.”

“So how old are you really.”

“You need to eat.” “No, I don’t want to hurt you Y/N.” “Please, b/n you are dying.”

“Your eyes….they’re beautiful.”

“The thought of losing you scares me.”

“Then I will wait until you’re ready, for you, I’d wait forever and then some.”

“You’re too damn perfect.”

“Did you just lick the side of my face?” “I claimed you.”

“Thank you for loving me no matter what, even though I piss you off a lot.”

“Tell me this when you are sober.”

“Step away before I punch you in the face.”

“Tell them to fuck off.”

“I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“I’m one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

“Why do I still like you knowing you’re a total asshole.”

“Take this, don’t ask questions.”

“Please don’t abandon me-not like everyone else.”

“Don’t you dare try selling your soul for me.”

“I can hear you crying, you know. At night, when you think no one is listening.”

“If I have to die, I want you to do it. It has to be you.”

“How did you die?”

“You could have died, I could have lost you.”

“I am going to do what I should’ve done from the beginning and stay out of your life.”

“I want to go home.” “And I want to go to the moon. It ain’t happening sweetheart. It’s time to accept that.”

“I thought you of all people would understand why I do this.”

“I trust you, wholeheartedly.”

“You shouldn’t have gone by yourself.”

“If you make any noise, they’ll find us. So be quiet.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Isn’t this illegal.”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

“You’re worth every second of my time.”

“You came for me.”

“I did it to protect you.”

“That was an order.”

“Hey, hey calm down they can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

“Tell me you need me.”

“Who did this.”

“Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken.”

“Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”

“I never imagined myself in a wedding dress.”

“You deserve better than me.”

“You’re part of the family now, don’t ever think you’re not.”

“It’s me! It’s me! Calm down baby please.”

“Promise me you’ll come back.” 

“I missed you so fucking much.”

“Stay safe.”

“I don’t want you to stop.”

“I’m not afraid of you so don’t think I am.” “You should be, you’re stupid if you aren’t.” “I do a lot of stupid things and falling head over heels from a (Supernatural being goes here) is one of them.”

“Baby (it’s) just two years.”

“But I love you 24 hours a day.”

“You have no idea how pretty you are when you wake up from sleep.”

“Don’t worry about your weight. You’re already beautiful the way you are.”

[iwillsendapostcard]

Lizzie’s anniversary playlist

A playlist to celebrate one year of being in this fandom! 🎉🎉🎉

Listen to the whole thing here.

Part One- The Affair

Part Two- The Chill Era and The Trial

August 2015 Lonely Summer- Raleigh Ritchie   It’s going to be/ a lonely summer for me/ ‘cause I don’t know how to be happy… I dwell on the past 'cause I hate moving forward/ if you had a year like mine, I'd say you all would/ I don't wanna spend my prime just acting tortured…

I like the chill vibes of this song and after the tense and dramatic storyline of the affair. That said…

September 2015 What Now?- Rhianna I found the one he changed my life/ but was it me that changed/ and he just happened to come at the right time… there's no one to call cause I'm just playing games with them all/ the more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone…

A nice big dramatic song to remind us all that this is a soap and that there is plenty of angst both on and off screen. Do I think that both of these boys have listened to this song curled up in bed alone holding onto the sheets for dear life? Yes. Yes, I do.

As with a lot of songs on my playlist, the lyrics can fit with a good range of different points and moods in their relationship. But this sense of wondering ‘what now’ is perfect for this stage in their relationship (or lack thereof at this point) and also in terms of how the audience engaged with them. The affair storyline is over. So, what happens now?

October 2015 Take me Home- Jess Glynne Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt/ if you ask me, don't know where to start/ anger, love, confusion/ roads that go nowhere… hold the gun to my head, count 1, 2, 3/ if it helps me walk away then it's what I need…

Often described as his ‘come to Jesus’ moment, Robert getting shot was (I believe) his original exit storyline which was rewritten once the production team realised just how magic the robron pairing is. We’re also very lucky to have had to confirmed in canon that Robert was unable to come out to himself until after he was shot. And that is why Maxine is our Queen.

I love the way Danny played the scene where Aaron finds Robert wounded. The conflict on his face was so perfect! And I’d sell my kidney for a chance to see a parallel of the “hurry up and die” scene...

November 2015 I Can’t Fall in Love Without You- Zara Larsson I feel so happy/ happy that I'm free/ and I can see things/ things I couldn't see… I hope you're sorry/ can't find the words to say/ hope you're always worried/ worryin' 'bout me…

Ok, yes, technically this song is about a break up. But I think it works for both the boys and the point in their relationship that they’re at right now. Robert knows he has to let Chrissie and his life with her go completely and Aaron has finally stood up to Robert and told him that there isn’t anything between them anymore.

But, as we all know pretty well by now, they can’t fall in love with each other. And they can’t stand the thought of each other with someone else either.

December 2015 Television Romance- Pale Waves I think that my, think my heart is alright/ I know, baby, think that I've got all the time/ but in a few hours, I'll be out of my mind… oh, baby, won't you stop it/ you and I haven't got it/ television romance…

Ok, so I’ve cheated a bit here. This song isn’t really about robron at all but the chorus was just too good and too fun to pass up. At this stage they certainly don’t have a television romance. We know that they have feelings for each other and that Robert is in a position where he might start pursuing Aaron again. But Aaron has a lot more on his mind right now? Big romantic storyline? No thanks.

January 2016 The Cure- Lady Gaga If I can't find the cure, I'll/ I'll fix you with my love/ no matter what you know, I'll/ I'll fix you with my love/ and if you say you're okay/ I'm gonna heal you anyway/ promise I'll always be there/ promise I'll be the cure…

Robert’s involvement in Aaron’s abuse storyline was, in my opinion, a little bit genius. It gave Aaron someone who was exclusively focused on him as, unlike any of the other characters, Robert didn’t have his own storyline at the time. It let the audience see Aaron through Rob’s eyes- see how he was struggling but was able to fool everyone into thinking he had it together. Going forwards it also meant that their relationship this time around was built on an entirely different foundation. Before it was purely about their chemistry together, now it’s built on the fact that there’s no one in the village who can read Aaron the way Robert can and no one who can expose Rob like Aaron can.

Best of all we know that Robert won’t back down. He could have walked away at any point; he had no obligation towards Aaron. But he didn’t, no matter how hard Aaron pushed him away.

February 2016 Make You Feel My Love- Adele   When the evening shadows and the stars appear/ and there is no one there to dry your tears/ oh, I could hold you for a million years/ to make you feel my love

Ha! Bet you thought I would save this one for the wedding! Really though it continues the theme from the last song. This is a song about support in adversary and loving someone through their pain, even when they ‘haven’t made [their] mind up yet.’ What I found really interesting about this storyline is that they had Rob openly admit he was still in love with Aaron, and the lakeside scene to show us that Aaron still had feelings for them too. But then to allow them the space to both go ‘I love you but we can’t be together right now’ was so mature and elegant. I just really love this era, ok? *sobs in the corner*

March 2016 A Different Way- DJ Snake, Lauv Could you believe I could be different?/ I'll be the difference, I'll lift you high/ and I understand your hesitation/ our reputation, it's no surprise… I will come running when you call my name/ even a broken heart can beat again…

Rob knows he needs to change, but he also knows he needs to change because he wants to not because he has to. It’s a running them, and it’s still running a year and a half later. But if we’re going to make a decision on when it was exactly that Robert decided that whether Aaron wanted to be with him or not he was going to try and do better my vote is for this month. If anything, it is also the month that his divorce from Chrissie finally came through and, I seem to remember, when he took his ring off.

[theartist-duke-nise]

✌🏾Nise Lyfe Movie Part 1

Inspired By Real people, Real Relationships, and Fake Events

INTRO.

*Riding down the street, leaning on window smoking and driving. Credits go by. Flatbush zombies song Bumps. Phone rings, music stops*

Duke: hello??

Greg: Ayo Duke

Duke: Yo wuddup nigga

Greg: Aye bro, you got your strap??

*Duke looks down at cup holder* Duke: Always!

Greg: Listen bro, I need you to come pick me and Mark up rightnow and not ask me any questions.... you down or what??

Duke: .....................where you at??

Black screen

CHAPTER 1: The Story

Female Narrator:

Black Americans ...... Culture.... somehow, for the majority anyways, no matter how much money our parents had... no matter which City, State, neighborhood, or family you come from, our families all have things in common. Have you ever wondered about that?? I mean think about it. Somehow, weather your from Connecticut, New York, Florida, Texas, Cali, Virginia, Illinois, or the Carolinas, we all have fatal similarities without ever meeting or even knowing the same people. Our grandmothers have always told us things like "stop letting all my AC out the house, go fetch me a switch, come here baby, you know grandma loves her baby, stop running around my damn house, I'm praying for you baby" and that world famous, stand on the porch with the sun in her eyes and hands on her hips, wave to watch us drive off from her house. Grandmothers keep the world spinning!! They cook everything with love and have that magic hug and kiss that fuels us like a pump at a gas station. There is truely NOTHING like the love from an elderly women! .... for the majority

Then there are mothers and aunts. The rib of the family. Always putting on fronts when people come around. They can be both your biggest motivator and entagenizor, or both at the same time. They wake you up, get you dressed, feed you, and get you out to school on time day in and day out. They manage a very strict schedule and do it so amazingly. Weather they have a significant other or parental spousal support, they manage with grace and elegance. *Black mother cursing kids out* most of the time anyways.....

And then there are Black Men... the back bone that keeps America standing up straight. The shoulders in which a majority of Americas problems sit on. The brains behind more than 50% of American culture if you ask me. Now I'd like to break the idea if the black man down into 3 categories, which in my opinion isn't exactly fair, because I feel as if all black men share all 3 attributes if enticed to show them in the appropriate time or place.

The first... of-course the typical idealistic black man that Brainwashed America would imagine at first thought. The "GANGSTA". Smh.... typical... This man isn't a bad person. He does bad things from a normal perspective, but no worst than an unordinary American would do. Don't agree?? Well check this... the gangsta sells drugs to the public. Mostly addictive substances to keep his clients hooked, squeezing every silver dime and red penny that they can get out of said person before they either die or overdose.... sound formillior?? Kind of like a Doctor without the license. Cures for things like diabetes, HIV, high blood pressure, cancers, they have been around for years, but we all know there's no economic longevity in corporations curing people. The profits comes from sustaining their illness enough to giving temporary relief of symptoms but not enough to eraticate them. The goal is to keep them coming back..... I.E. "Drug Dealers. Plus ide imagine the "typical" black man would have a bad temper and ofcourse drinks Hennessy and smokes newports all day ".

The second we'll bring up is the "Baby Daddy". Unfortunately this is a legitimate cultural problem for OUR community. Weather the man stays in his child's life as much as anyone would like is besides the point. The biggest problem is that the babies are often made at a young age of the man in which he is not ready to instantly drop the childish antics and mentality at that very moment. Which brings the conflict between said man and the women enpregnated because as females tend to mature faster than males, she is usually raised with a specific image of what a man should be. Her immaturities sway her from being patient enough to help the father of her child to grow into the man he needs to be. The conflicted situation dominos into their split up in which the mother usually takes the custody of the youth, leaving the man to continue exactly where he left off before the pregnancy, living in his immaturities.

And lastly... the comeillian. He isn't a gangster or gangbanger, he doesn't accidentally enpregnate a female before he intends to. He typically is very comfortable being around anyone of any race, religion, or sexual preference. Mentally he feels as if he is a bit of an outcast. He typically has a bit of rebellion in his blood that people find ok, only because he regularly turns it on and off, depending on the environment he is in. I personally like to think of them as an untapped well just under the surface. The possibility of this person swaying into any job, place, environment is up to them. They're just waiting for the decision to be made.

Now on first instinct, Humanity has conditioned us to always look at things as 2 sided. Either right or wrong, good or bad, black or white. But I'm here to show you.... it's much deeper than that. Bad things happen to good people that make bad decisions with good intentions.

Chapter 2: the Team

*Duke pulls up to location, cuts off music, calls greg. Him and mark come out and fast walk to car. They dap up Duke and he pulls off.

Duke: so what niggas bout to do?? We got static??

Greg: nah, but first things first, niggas need to go get some weed. Pull up at Chris crib.

*Duke pulls out blunt and lights it.*

Mark: my nigga, hahaha

*Car pulls up at Chris's house. All three get out of car. Duke pulls gun from cup holder and tucks on waist. Flips shirt over and proceeds to door. SPECIAL KNOCK ON DOOR. Chris comes to door with chinky smile, holds hand out. All 3 greet and walk in. Greg and Mark pull out money hand to Chris and he walks to backroom of apartment. In living room, Dorcey is counting pills and bagging them up. Lean bottles as well as other known drugs cover table. Dorcey sees us and daps us up while still counting, trying not to loose count. All 3 sit down. Duke pulls out another blunt and sparks it.*

Duke: so bro, what's tha move?? Why I need strap.??

*Greg and Mark look at eachother*

Greg: go on and tell him about your boy.

Mark: aight, so me and this nigga was walking down the street by my crib, by the park and we smell weed in the air, so I look across the street and we see this tall ass nigga walking, smoking a blunt.

*Greg interrupts*

Greg: bro... that nigga was tall as shit.

Mark: word, so I yell out "that shit smell good bro" and he reply "I got that if you need it homie. Just got a pack in today."

*Dorcey stops counting and looks up

Dorcey: so y'all don't know this nigga from nowhere and he stay on yo block Mark??

Greg: aye bro, I ain't never even seen this nigga before and I use to stay out there too. Maby he just moved out there or something..

*Chris comes back and hands mark and greg their bags of weed and tosses a pack of backwoods on their laps, then takes a pack of papers out of his pocket and tosses that too. Chris says jokingly*

Chris: so we gona rob this nigga??

*chris cheeses hard*

Mark: ayo, can I finish tellin the fuckin story??

Dorcey: as long as you can roll up and talk at the same time.

*Duke shakes his head and grins*

Greg: so boom. Long story short, we ask the nigga to get us a 8th. He tells us to just walk to his house to get it with him..... bro. We walk in and this nigga has EVERYTHING!!! Coke, heron, Molly, pills, x, xans, liq, syrup....

*Dorcey and Duke both focus up

Duke ashes the blunt and passes it*

Duke: GTFOH

Dorcey: well what tha fuck we sittin here for?? Let's go get at that nigga.

Greg: see y'all niggas ain't letting us finish.... so we walk in and see all the drugs, then this big ass pit runs up.

Chris: that nigga jump on Mark?? You know that nigga smell like beef jerkey.

*Chris smiles hard again. Mark rolling the blunt looks up*

Mark: nah, they had this nigga on a leash..... INSIDE THE CRIB BRO. They had that nigga INSIDE THE CRIB bro!! Like a whole bear on a leash inside the crib bro. Like these niggas had the chain wrapped around the Middle of the piece of wood going from the ceiling to the floor in the living room b. I ain't gona lie bro. That nigga was big as fuck.

Duke: damn, so what happen next??

Greg: so boom. He tell the nigga to sit and he sit instantly. Not like Boosie.... OH SHIT!!! Yea bro, so his bowls are behind him and I peep a big bloody piece of meat in the bowl, so I ask dude, "ayo, that's steak and pepper you feed your dog?" aye bro.... nigga looks at me and says "Nah homie, that's a human kidney and gun powder on that shit. I bought it using Big Coins."

Chris: get the fuck out of here bro

Greg: swear to god bro. He said it's so that nigga don't mind killing and ripping a nigga apart. Shit was crazy but anyways, so boom we walk past the dog and I think that was his pops or his uncle in the back with his girl and a few more niggas. And we meet them niggas, chop it up for about 5 minutes but we end up only buying a blunt. We told him we wanted to see if it was some flame. It was so we told him we're gona go get some more money and be back to get more than a half.

Dorcey: aye bro, please tell me y'all tryna rob this nigga bro!!

Duke: nigga, ain't you JUST come home?? your still on supervised probation nigga.

Dorcey: and I'm ready to go back so what you sayin??

Mark: Aye look, me and greg already said we GATA hit that nigga so we down.

Chris: and I'm down. Sheed lost $600 last week when somebody stole her purse so I'm down. I need a come up cuz rents due next month.

Dorcey: so Duke, you got the whip so your driver.. and I know your klizzy ass got a few masks..

Duke: you already know

Dorcey: So what you gona do?? You down or what??

*Everyone freezes and stares at Duke. He hits the blunt, looks at it as he inhales, sits it in the ash trey and blows the smoke out. Duke takes gun from pants and drops it on table.*

Duke: we gona need some more heat...

CHAPTER 3: THE PLAN

Greg: aight, so it's a lock.

Duke: aye, I just have 1 condition.

Dorcey: NOOOO NIGGA, we not wearing no super hero masks. Lol, goof ass nigga

*everyone laughs except Duke. His face is stiff

Duke: chill... but first, nobody gets killed bro!! I ain't going down for murder!! Especially if my ass ain't squeezing a trigger.

Greg: FACTS!!! If it's our life or there's, that's one thing, but I can't do life. I got daughters nigga. I can live with 5-10 though. Can y'all??

Dorcey: word! I got a seed too nigga. I GATA be here for baby girl, but I need paper for baby girl too!

*everyone nods their heads agreeing*

Duke: good. And second. We need another car. Y'all niggas tweeked if y'all think I'm using MY car to hit a lick! Like y'all really bugged out on that!!

Dorcey: nigga, shut yo ass down! Just get a rental, or a zip car or sum shit. When we get close enough, we cover the plates and the.... got damn, what you call that shit on the car... like what kinda car it is?!?

Chris: the emblem

Dorcey: YEA!!! Just make sure it's a dark color...

Duke: aight, well before we jump the gun, let's really make a plan!! Ayo, Chris, you got some paper and pencil??

Mark: so y'all niggas about to write down our plan so the boys can find it?? Smh, dumb ass niggas

Duke: chill out string bean head ass... that's why we're writing it with paper and pencil. we destroy the papers the day before we hit tha jawn kuz by then, we'll have everything in our heads. This is just so we're on the same page. And another thing... don't be stupid enough to talk or text about this shit... like EVER!!!! AT ALL!!! Any discussion we have about this is in person, face to face only! Agreed?

*everyone nods again*

Duke: ok, now first things first. Mark, why tha fuck you still ain't finish rollin up and greg what you waitin to light that shit for?? You waiting on Jesus second coming?? Lml, but on a serious note now. How big was the crib??

*greg lights blunt, takes pull and passes it

Greg: what you mean??

Duke: like what kinda house was it?? Like a 2 story?? 1 story?? Trailer?? Town house?? What??

Mark: uhhhh. Townhouse... 2 story though...

Duke: aight, how many bedrooms??

Mark: idk, prolly 2-3...

Duke: and how many couches downstairs

Mark: 2... a small one and a big one... why does that matter??

Duke. Because nigga, 1 master bed room means a dope boy prolly keeps a bitch at his crib, plus the other 2 rooms means 1 person can live in each. That's 4 people that can live upstairs. Plus 1 person sleeping on the big couch. They prolly try to keep 2 or 3 people home at all times. We need to either wait until they all leave, which might never happen, or we can get everyone out of the house. Now New Years is in 2 weeks. No real niggas stay in the house on New Years! They're either outside selling drugs, tryna get em off, OR they're out partying, using drugs. That's when we get em.... plus Erica having some kinda party for New Years. I figure we all hit that shit first. Take a bunch of pictures, give her our phones, and I'll get her to text from them and post pictures every few minutes. Perfect alliby. We have pictures and texts as proof of where we are. Plus the location on our phones to verify.

Dorcey: damn nigga... how long you been waiting to rob somebody?? Nigga already have everything planned out!

Duke: nah bro. I'm just going with this shit. I ain't never caught a lick in my life. I'm just smart enough to pay attention to how people get caught and learn from there mistakes so I don't have to make my own.

*duke points to the top of his head*

Duke: 2 steps ahead bro.... Now, we can assign jobs... I say, Dorcey, you should be the one to see if you can get some more hammers. 1 damn sure ain't gona be safe, especially kuz ain't nobody holding my shit except me. My shit is registered...

Dorcey: say less

Duke: now... Greg and Chris, y'all take Chris's car back over to fuckboys crib, park far enough to where they won't notice you but don't be hot and spook the neighbors either. Last thing niggas need is the cops called on y'all to looking suspicious. Take this paper and a pen or something and write down what kinda traffic they have. home many people come in and out. How many are plucks and how many live there. How long they stay there and how long they leave before coming back. Which ones drive and get picked up. And what time people stop coming and going. That's prolly what time they sleep. And since greg is blind as fuck, Chris your gona be the eyes so take som carrots.

Greg: fuck you

Chris: carrots??

Duke: yea... good for eyesight. And greg, you just write down what you s..... well you write down what Chris sees. lol,

Greg: nigga fuck you. Give me the damn paper

*greg snatches paper from Duke

Duke: and me and Mark will pick up the clothes and masks. Here everyone write down shirt and pants sizes so we don't forget.... Everybody good??

*everyone agrees

Duke: good, now somebody help this nigga mark finish rollin up, kuz he's blowing mines.

Mark: nigga fuck up, I been done. Lol

Chapter 4: Dorcey

The next morning, Dorcey wakes up in his bed with naked female next to him sleep. He moves her hand off of him and tosses it, rolls over, and picks up his phone and sits on the edge of his bed stretching.

*Dorcey grabs bottle of Hennessy, and takes gulp. Then finds contact and calls

Kev: yo wuddup

Dorcey: Yooooooooo

Kev: wuddup fool?

Dorcey: aye bru, I need a few tools, niggas bout to build a bridge.

Kev: what kinda tools you need?? Wrenches or Drills??

Dorcey: nah , wrenches is good. It's more for emergency.

Kev: aight, you need more than 1??

Dorcey: I need 4

Kev: damn nigga! Fuck I look like?? Home Depot?? You need em for the keep or the rent??

Dorcey: the rent

Kev: for how long?

Dorcey: prolly just one night.

Kev: well this ain't no free ride homie. Ima need some collateral or sumn nigga.

*Dorcey thinks as he scans his room then stops when he locks onto the naked girls head in his bed*

Dorcey: I think I got sumn you'll like bru

Kev: aight, when you gona slide threw??

Dorcey: give me 2-3 hours bru

Kev: aight bet... just come around the back

Dorcey: aight bet

Dorcey and female walk threw cut into back of Kevs house trying not to step in dog shit. They knock on sliding back door. Kev walks up, peeps out back window with Rifel in hand.

Dorcey: yoooooo

*Kev sits gun on couch and unlocks screen door and opens. Dorcey and female walk in and close behind them.

Dorcey: aight Kev this MeeMee... MeeMee this my nigga Kev

Kev: what's up shorty??

MeeMee: hey

Dorcey: aight you can sit here for a minute. Watch out for the gun. And don't answer the door for nobody.

*Dorcey turns to Kev

Dorcey: aight, lemme see what you got bru.

Kev: aight bro, follow me

*they small talk as they walk to back room

Dorcey: yea bro that bitch ready..... Daaaaaammmmmmnnnnn.

*dorceys eyes wide and jaw drops

Dorcey: nigga..... what tha fuck you this strapped up for?? Nigga got enough guns to lock up the whole neighborhood! Every thing between 2'2s and 45s. Then machine guns, choppas, shotguns.. you got the double actions, single loads, pumps, twin barrels.... nigga got aks, m-14....ohh shit, tha m-16. Aye bro, you got tha baby K??

*kev smiles and points

Kev: yea right there by the rifles.

Dorcey: daaammmnnn, and you got the crazy ass monkey nuts. How much this bitch hold??

Kev: 200+1 in the chamber

Dorcey: this nigga said plus 1 in the chamber...

*Dorcey shakes his head*

Dorcey: but back to business. I can get 2 30's and a 9 and a pump?

Kev: gochu.. you need bullets and packs too??

Dorcey: yea. Just a clip for each tool and 7 or 8 shells for the pump.

Kev: ohh, y'all movin light huh??

Dorcey: yea bruh, hopefully we don't even GATA bust nun.. but better safe then sorry, na mean??

Kev: I feel you bro..... aye before you leave, you GATA check this shit my whiteboy just brought me.

*kev pops a lock on the dresser and takes out a RPG

Dorcey: a RPG?? Nigga, who tha fuck you got beef with?? North Korea??

*Kev smiles slyly

Kev: Better safe than sorry. Haha

Dorcey: heard you. But good looks bro.

*Kev packs guns into a bag that looks like it's used for a tent or something, then they dap eachother up and Dorcey walks out

Kev: good luck bro.

*Dorcey nods

Chapter 5: Greg & Chris

*Greg wakes up on couch, reaches on table for glasses. Get up and yawns. Knocks on Chris's door to wake up.

Chris: yea, I'm up

Greg: I can use the bathroom??

Chris: yea.

*greg uses bathroom, gets dressed. Knocks on Chris's door

Greg: you ready bro??

Chris: yea give me like 10 more minutes

Greg: aight

*greg sits on couch and lights clipped blunt and scrolls down twitter feed

*Chris comes out room and greg gets up passes blunt as the walk out house to car. They get into car and door closes. Drive to work playing music. Get out of car at work, dap eachother and walk away. *Cut To End Of Work Day*

Greg: wuddup bro??

Chris: what's up brooo??

*Chris cheeses hard

Greg: aye bro, you tryna head over to scope out that crib for a little before we go home??

Chris: yea bro, I don't care. But all the weed is at the house. You want to go get some first??

*Greg pulls jar from glove compartment

*chris cheeses hard and pulls off while greg rolls up.

Greg: so bro, I been thinking about how niggas gona split up all this shit.. or even, you know like... what if they sold everything by the time we get there??

Chris: yea bro, that would be fucked up, haha. But if they got that much stuff in their house, I doubt they would let it run out. Haha

Greg: yea, you right. But idk bro. I kinda got a bad feeling about this shit. I aint tryna jinx it or nun though.

Chris: bro, don't even think like that dude. Positive thoughts, positive vibes, you know??

Greg: yea, word... pass me the lighter

*they pull up at the end of the block.

Chris: oh shit bro, look

Greg: nigga, you know I can't see all the way down there.

Chris: ohh shit my bad bro, lol

Greg: what you see?

Chris: it's like 4 females outside

*greg starts writing on paper*

Chris: 6 cars in front. But there just standing at the car. Shit that's a really nice car bro. Ohh, wait... like 4 guys just walked out the house and got in the cars. They're pulling off now... duck down

*both duck down in seats. Greg blows smoke up

Greg: shit my bad

*both sit back up

Chris: aye bro, another car just pulled up.. it kinda looks like an über.

Greg: you sure it's an Über and not just a regular car??

Chris: we duhh it's a regular car, but it has an über sticker on the window and it's just siting outside with the car still running.

Greg: yea it's prolly an über

Chris: ok, now there's an older guy and an older chick getting in the über. And it's driving off in the opposite direction.

Greg: should we follow them??

Chris: fuck that!! I need to go home and take a shower. Get out these clothes.

Greg: it don't matter to me bro

*greg takes out his phone and called Duke

Duke: wuddup blacky??

Greg: ayo, we here now. Everybody just left the house I think.

Duke: You gona follow em to see where they go??

Greg: chris said fuck that..

Duke: exhale... y'all niggas kill me... but aight

Greg: aye, I ain't even driving

Duke: aight I'll halla at y'all niggas later

Greg: bet

*Car pulls off*

Chapter 6: Duke & Mark

*Duke is at 7-11 pumping gas. Cute women next to him pumping gas looks over and smiles. He finishes pumping his gas, puts cap on tank, gets phone out of car, cutting off music and walks around pump to her

Duke: excuse me, how are you doing today??

Lady: I'm fine.

Duke: well my names Duke. Um... would you mind if I help you pump your gas for you.

Lady: not at all

*she steps back and I squeeze the trigger of the gas pump. As I glance back I start at her feet. Pretty toes, red polish, red pumps, and long fitting red dress showing amazing curves. Going up to her amazing smile surrounded my red lipstick.

Duke: so I didn't get your name.

Lady: ohh, lol, my names Jazmine, with a Z... not a S

Duke: ok, very nice to meet you jazmine with a Z.... not an S... lol. You mind if I ask how old you are??

[joepamter589-blog]

Few things you should know about the keto genic diet

The ketogenic diet—also known as the "keto diet" or just "keto"—has become the latest big thing in weight-loss plans, touted recently by celebs like Jenna Jameson, Mama June, and Halle Berry. The diet involves cutting way back on carbohydrates, to 50 grams a day or less, to help the body achieve a state of ketosis, in which it has to burn fat (rather than sugar) for energy.

Doctors say that the keto diet can be helpful in treating epilepsy; it’s unclear exactly why, but something about a ketogenic state seems to reduce the frequency of seizures. Animal studies have also suggested that the diet may have anti-aging, anti-inflammatory, and cancer-fighting benefits, as well.

But as a general weight-loss plan, keto is more controversial. Some health experts warn against it entirely, citing unpleasant side effects, health risks, and the diet’s unsustainable nature. Even many keto diet proponents admit that, if the diet’s not done “the right way,” it can be the opposite of healthy.

Here are a few things you should know about the ketogenic diet before you try it as a way to lose weight. Yes, you might drop pounds, but you should also watch out for the following side effects or complications. Related Articles : http://www.ketogasmic.com

1. The "keto flu"

“Some people report that when they start ketosis, they just feel sick,” says Kristen Kizer, RD, a nutritionist at Houston Methodist Medical Center. “There can sometimes be vomit, gastrointestinal distress, a lot of fatigue, and lethargy.” This so-called keto flu usually passes after a few days, she adds.

Josh Axe, a doctor of natural medicine and clinical nutritionist, estimates that about 25% of people who try a keto diet experience these symptoms, with fatigue being the most common. “That happens because your body runs out of sugar to burn for energy, and it has to start using fat,” he says. “That transition alone is enough to make your body feel tired for a few days.”

You may be able to minimize the effects of keto flu by drinking plenty of water and getting plenty of sleep. Axe, who sells keto-related supplements on his website, also recommends incorporating natural energy sources to battle fatigue, like matcha green tea, organic coffee, or adaptogenic herbs.

2. Diarrhea

If you find yourself running to the bathroom more often while on a ketogenic diet, a quick internet search will show you that you’re not alone. (Yes, people are tweeting about keto diarrhea.) This may be due to the gallbladder—the organ that produces bile to help break down fat in the diet—feeling “overwhelmed,” says Axe.

Diarrhea can also be due to a lack of fiber in the keto diet, says Kizer, which can happen when someone cuts way back on carbs (like whole-grain bread and pasta) and doesn’t supplement with other fiber-rich foods, like vegetables. It can also be caused by an intolerance to dairy or artificial sweeteners—things you might be eating more of since switching to a high-fat, low-carb lifestyle. dairy free keto meal plan http://www.ketogasmic.com/quick-guide-to-dairy-free-keto-meal-plan

3. Reduced athletic performance

Some athletes swear by the ketogenic diet, not just for weight loss but for improved performance in their sport, as well. But Edward Weiss, PhD, associate professor of nutrition and dietetics at Saint Louis University, doesn’t buy it. “I hear cyclists say all the time that they’re faster and better now that they’re on the keto diet, and my first question is, 'Well, how much weight did you lose?'” he says.

In a recent study in the Journal of Sports Medicine and Physical Fitness, Weiss and his colleagues found that participants performed worse on high-intensity cycling and running tasks after four days on a ketogenic diet, compared to those who’d spent four days on a high-carb diet. Weiss says that the body is in a more acidic state when it’s in ketosis, which may limit its ability to perform at peak levels.

“Just losing a few pounds is enough to give you a huge advantage on the bike, but I’m very concerned that people are attributing the benefits of weight loss to something specific in the ketogenic diet,” Weiss continues. “In reality, the benefits of weight loss could be at least partially canceled out by reductions in performance.”

4. Ketoacidosis

If you have type 1 or type 2 diabetes, you shouldn’t follow the keto diet unless you have your doctor’s permission and close supervision, says Kizer. “Ketosis can actually be helpful for people who have hyperglycemia issues, but you have to be very mindful of your blood sugar and check your glucose levels several times a day,” she says. That’s because, for people with diabetes, ketosis can trigger a dangerous condition called ketoacidosis. This occurs when the body stores up too many ketones—acids produced as a byproduct of burning fat—and the blood becomes too acidic, which can damage the liver, kidneys, and brain. Left untreated, it can be fatal. keto budget meal plan http://www.ketogasmic.com/keto-budget-meal-plan-a-handy-guide-for-beginners

Ketoacidosis has also been reported in people without diabetes who were following low-carb diets, although this complication is quite rare. Symptoms of ketoacidosis include a dry mouth, frequent urination, nausea, bad breath, and breathing difficulties; if you experience these while following the keto diet, check in with a doctor right away.

5. Weight regain

Because the keto diet is so restrictive, health experts say it’s not an appropriate plan to follow long-term. (Even Axe says it’s best done for 30 to 90 days, followed by a more sustainable diet plan.) But the problem with that, says Kizer, is that most people will regain a lot of the weight they lost as soon as they go back on carbs.

“It’s an issue with any fad diet, but it seems to be extra common with ketosis,” says Kizer. “When people tell me they want to try it because their friends lost weight, I always tell them, 'Just watch, I almost guarantee that they’ll gain it all back.’”

These types of back-and-forth weight fluctuations can contribute to disordered eating, Kizer says, or can worsen an already unhealthy relationship with food. “I think the keto diet appeals to people who have issues with portion control and with binge eating,” she says. "And in many cases, what they really need is a lifestyle coach or a professional counselor to help them get to the bottom of those issues."

6. Less muscle mass, decreased metabolism

Another consequence of keto-related weight changes can be a loss of muscle mass, says Kizer—especially if you’re eating much more fat than protein. “You’ll lose weight, but it might actually be a lot of muscle,” she says, “and because muscle burns more calories than fat, that will affect your metabolism.”

When a person goes off the ketogenic diet and regains much of their original weight, it’s often not in the same proportions, says Kizer: Instead of regaining lean muscle, you’re likely to regain fat. “Now you’re back to your starting weight, but you no longer have the muscle mass to burn the calories that you did before,” she says. “That can have lasting effects on your resting metabolic rate, and on your weight long-term.”

7. Increased risk of heart disease and diabetes

Axe says that, when done right, the keto diet includes lots of vegetables and lean sources of animal protein. In other words, it’s not an excuse to eat butter and bacon—although some people may try to do just that.

That’s why many health experts are concerned about people on the ketogenic diet, especially those who try it without the guidance of a doctor or nutritionist. Doctors say that high-fat diets like this one may raise cholesterol levels, and some studies suggest that they increase the risk of diabetes. Some have even called it a “cardiologist’s nightmare.” what to eat before workout on keto http://www.ketogasmic.com/what-to-eat-before-and-after-workout-on-keto-diet

Just this week, a 25,000-person study presented at the European Society of Cardiology Congress in Munich suggested that people on the lowest-carb diets had the highest risk of dying from cancer, cardiovascular conditions, and all other causes. Another study, published this month in the Lancet, also found that people who followed diets that were low in carbs and high in animal proteins (typical of the keto diet) had a higher risk of early death compared to those who consumed carbs in moderation. (The opposite was true, however, for low-carb dieters who opted for plant-based proteins over meat and dairy.)

“Whether you’re in the paleo camp or the keto camp or the vegan camp, everyone agrees that we want to have a nutrient-rich diet,” Axe says: “Lots of vegetables, herbs, spices, and plant-based sources of fat and protein, too.”

“If you’re not doing that, you’re promoting disease in the body—it’s that simple,” Axe says. (And yes, that’s true even if you still lose weight in the beginning.) “If you’re just going to eat butter and bacon,” he adds, “I’d rather you not do the keto diet at all.”