#i swear i have Thoughts i just dont know how to articulate them well

[mcytegg]

FUCKING WAIT OKAY I THINK I UNDERSTAND 4C'S ROOM. WHY HE KEPT TALKING ABT LEAVING AN IMPACT ON THE SERVER ALL STREAM. AND WHAT HE MEANT IN THESE SIGNS vvv

the first time 4c took a daisy from the flower field was during a stream and i assume it went to this room so i think 4c might be picking a flower everytime he goes to the flower field. (possibly zaun now too?) so every flower picked is his own attempt at leaving an impact in a place he cares abt on the server, but it is something nobody else has noticed.

something he's done that means a lot to him is something others don't see or notice at all, because why would a single daisy being gone from an entire field of them matter? what impact does it have to anyone but 4c who is the only one who knows hes done it, the only one it means anything to.

[kavehater]

AURGHH I KEEP FLASHBACKING TO THE AWKWARD SITUATION TODAY

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

The Umbrella Academy season 2 episode 2

Oh I KNEW I hadn't seen the last of her

I don't trust death or seemingly fatal injuries on this show to mean I stop seeing a character. I mean, look at Ben. Dude died forever ago and he's still around

Oh hey! It's the fish dude! Doesn't Five murder this Goldfish?

A fish smoking. I- sure, why not

Nah, Herb, that was a good one, you should laugh!

"I took a bullet in the head for this company!" "And we thank you for your service" this is real and hitting me in ways I can't fully articulate.

This lady is just trying to be nice! She was the same with Five, and both he and the Handler are so mean to her!

Luther DOES have a point, Five IS always saying that

Lutherrrr

Five is saying that HE needs you, you dumb ass

Is that Carl? Thank you subtitles

"Dad should've left him on the moon" LOL

Nah, the sentiment is there even if the words themselves are morbid

Wait I just realized something. In the newspaper article, Diego has s1 length hair. And he said he was in there for 75 days. His hair? Should not be this long

"You know the other window was open, right?" Says the man that jumped through a window instead of just checking to see if the door was locked (it wasnt)

He doesn't know she doesn't have her memories

Does her husband know about her rumor ability?

The fuck is that shit? Cause it's not milk. Is it giving them some weird ability or something? Does it keep them alive?

"Imagine batman, then aim lower" this season keeps making me laugh in delight so far, five is so funny

Five has just decided to trust this guy, seeing him as harmless. I haven't gotten any inclination from him that he's not what he appears, but he could still have a role in the apocalypse because he's not what he was supposed to be in the original time line

I mean, his father is dead. But, yeah, he has issues, no doubt

"Because he's an idiot" "who the hell are you" "Hi, I'm his loving brother" Five is a delight this season so far

Im hitting all these racist fucks with cars in my mind

So many of the sibilings are just soooo close to meeting but they arenttttt

Klaus meeting her husband! I really like Ray so far he seems like a really great guy

Oh Klaus, back them up, fight for them, discover your sister, comeon my guy

Lila fucking painting Elliots toenails while he's bound and gagged, oh my god

Luther, I swear to fucking god if you fuck this up

LUTHER DONT YOU DARE

Luther let's his fucking fear control him and I'm beating him with hammers and frying pans

SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS SHES NOT A FUCKING THREAT YOU FUCK, SHES PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK WITH A NONVERBAL CHILD SHES HELPING TAKE CARE OF, WHAT PART OF THAT SCREAMS "DANGER"

You are right! She shouldn't be the one to apologize! She was manipulated and hurting and she doesn't know who she is and she's your SISTER, who you obviously do still love you fuck, so don't fucking do this

Im confused now. Cause the things he's saying? Good! Excellent! Yes! BUT HE HAS THE GUN AT A MOMENTS NOTICE

...okay imma rewatch this scene now while not thinking the worst of him

...alright so I may have over reacted a bit and I now feel bad about that. In my defense, he had his hand on a cocked gun ready to be fired at her for the majority of that touching little speech, and considering the last time he said gentle things like that to her he choked her out and threw her in a cage, I feel justified in being suspicious as hell

Well these guys are massive freaks

So I had a thought last night: How did Hazel know about the world ending in 10 days? He claimed the agency was gone but clearly it ISNT so what's the truth?

Leave Vanya alone you fucks (them going after her is going to re reawaken her powers isn't it)

Okay, so no, her husband doesn't know

Careful Diego

Okay but is this their shitstain of a father or is it older Five? Alright well that instantly got answered

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[louisisalarrie]

hi! Keen to get your view on the reason for thinking that Zayn’s leaving stopped LHs coming out. I saw this theory floating around in the past but always thought that would not be the case as at that time it was already clear that Harry was set to venture out as the solo artist eventually. Also see one of zayns recents interviews where he confirms that.

So… look. I wrote this massive thing about this, but looking along Xarry and bbg timelines and everything, I came across the wonderful @caralara’s post here which sums this up essentially just how I believe it happened too. And it’s very articulate and there are so many resources I figured it would make sense to share it as opposed to recreating almost the same post (but more messy hehe). It makes a lot of sense in terms of music industry dynamics, gives a lot of clarity and context to the stunts and timelines around the point that zayn left, and… I honestly think more people should see it to better understand bbg.

Regarding Zayn’s interview comments over the last 9 years… well… it’s been a wild ride. They started out with “I loved being in the band but I didn’t like the music we did” to “I made no friends in that time and I never spoke to Harry” to “the schedule was too tough” to “I don’t want to go into too much detail, but there was a lot of politics going on. People were doing certain things. Some people didn’t want to sign contracts,” which, well, speaks for itself. He also mentioned he wanted to be “the first person to make their own record” so it’s all a bit muddy and jumps back and forth. Also, didn’t he say that about the hiatus “Louis and Harry are the ones that know why, you have to ask them” or am I imagining that????? I swear I saw a gif of that somewhere so if anyone can help that’d be good. But also, if it was fake, then that’s fine too.

The thing is with commentary after a band splits and the member(s) goes solo, is that they are still media trained professionals. Zayn could absolutely hate those boys and rip them, and S*mon, to shreds, but he didn’t. Because there would be repercussions. There are alwaysssss repercussions. So, even though he can point to certain things vaguely, he wouldn’t out anyone or throw them under the bus, particularly the boys, if he wants to keep his career. But yeah, Harry was encouraged to go solo, and there’s that interview ot4 do on the day of their last show before the hiatus where Harry and Louis look like they’ve been arguing and Louis was very upset about the split. It would’ve caused a rift between all of them.

Not to mention that their deal would have had a clause to say “if you all get through the whole contract, you’ll all get significantly more $$ and percentages of your music, but if one of you leaves you’ll get way less than that”, and it was only one more year. One more album, one more tour. But zayn bounced for the sake of his own health, which I’m not blaming him for at all. And Harry and Louis were undoubtedly mad about that because… well… even if they signed as a group with the label and same management again, there would’ve been some pretty hefty negotiations, including coming out. But zayn left, and it encouraged the rest of them to take a break. They needed it. They deserved it.

But listen… I mean, even if you dont wanna believe the theory I linked above, it was quite obvious that harry was becoming more free and Xander and Jeff were a big part of that. Zayn left the band via a Facebook post, which was HUGE. a massive scandal. And there’s only so many scandals a PR and management team will allow before it hits the band too negatively. Anyway, that theory makes a lot of sense to me.

Anyway, if you want more clarification on what I believe or have any questions regarding that theory or why it makes sense from someone who works in the industry, or anything, don’t hesitate to ask. And sorry for taking so long to reply to you angel. Thank you for your patience!!

[matoitech]

Could u go more in depth about what u did/didn't like about the spinoff? Just curious as someone who enjoyed most of it but was a lil disappointed with the last few episodes

sure! i didnt like Hate it or anything there were things i did enjoy, i watched all the episodes, it was more that it just really didnt do it for me in a way thats kind of difficult to like. pin. i should state too that i was not going to watch it already bcuz i wasnt interested in the genderbend fanfiction characters being the like title piece and everything, but i gave the first two eps a shot and thought 'okay, i get it, this show is about simon and his complicated feelings about Everything that happened and who he used to be and who these characters represent to him about who he used to be' and then it just didnt really like, do more with that in a way that i expected or wouldve enjoyed, exactly? i like the idea of multiverse hopping and a bunch of different au versions of characters in a story, that stuff is obviously really popular right now and when its done well its done WELL. i liked how finn was characterized in episode 2. it was like, an entertaining watch, it just didnt really do much for Me, and i knew that going in. its really hard to explain like my negative feelings on something that are negative bcuz it just Wasnt For Me ykwim. and there r plenty of parts of adventure time that didnt really do it for me either bcuz it had so many writers

i read an interview w the director and writers and stuff and they mentioned that they made the series recognizing that the original fans were adult now and it was partly made for us and like having a more mature theme and everything, but i didnt rly feel thatit did that for me personally (which again is Fine), and i dont think it successfully captured like, 'more mature adventure time', i guess maybe in the sense that they can swear now? but adventure time itself is thoughtful and often more mature than it was given credit for at the time. its a kids show but a lot of the later stuff was made to just tell stories and explore ideas, whether kids like 'understood' it or not, they trusted their audience, stuff wasnt really like dumbed down. they mentioned trying not to step on the toes of the original too much too and i like did get the sense that they respected and loved the source material (some of the ppl working on it including the director were from the old team) but while the spinoff was clearly successful and ppl liked it a lot (ive already seen a lot of ppl talking abt how meaningful it was to them, and thats great, im glad it resonated for people) its like, read of the characters and world and the direction they wanted to take just wasnt really the kind of vibe i come to adventure time for, i guess? like i said it just didnt rly do it for Me personally in a way thats hard to articulate

i dont rly want to say anything like too mean abt it but ppl Know about me that i dont like Fandom Aware Jokes in media i dont think theyre charming and the spinoff leaning into that kinda stuff wasnt for me, and i get why bcuz its literally fucking named after the in universe genderbent fanfiction versions of finn and jake, but thats also something i never liked about adventure time and wouldve been happy if it hadnt made a reappearance i just thought it was going to be used to Say Something so i was curious to see where it went. so like from the start it isnt exactly for me ykwim. i dont think sailor moon reference sexyman ice king or jokes about alt universe versions of characters kissing themselves is funny. coffee shop Boy pb & marceline b plot is not interesting to me (i do like marshall's human design). i feel like not a lot of stuff Happened to me

and let me preface this next part by saying that i never got too invested in simon and bettys thing in adventure time so maybe some of this stuff WAS canon and i just completely missed it but i feel like the track they took w them and their relationship was like.. they were trying to say something but it wasnt exactly the direction i wouldve taken, which isnt a 'criticism' as much as its just, a thought , for me. i thought betty losing her shit and sacrificing herself for simon at the end of adv time proper was interesting bcuz to me betty wasnt like a completely selfless character, to me she wasnt MEANT to come off that way, she was interesting in part bcuz she did all that for simon but simon had been gone for a thousand years, she gave herself up to turn him back but didnt think abt whether he wouldve wanted that. she brought him back, but without her. its obviously tragic and i do get that like betty moving on now that simons like Safe at the end of fionna and cake makes sense but i was.. curious to see the whole metaphor w the choose ur own adventure book where the metaphor or whatever was that betty had given everything up for simon and simon had never took her own feelings into consideration or gave things up for HER and stuff, and all that about like, obsession, and uneven ground, and simon shouldve known better... and the show ending with simon saying wow damn yeah betty sacrificed herself for me and i never put her over me so i should live a good life. like okay but i thought betty sacrificing herself for him wasnt meant to come off as completely selfless bcuz it wasnt exactly? i dont think it was framed that way but again i COULD be wrong. im not gonna say that this stuff is not in character cuz again i dont Remember if this was canon to the mainline series. maybe betty was always a fan of his work and their relationship did start out uneven like that and i just forgot, i am not gonna say its Wrong. its not like 'is betty right' its that theres dif ways u can read like main adventure time series decisions and the grayness of it was interesting

and i dont say that to say like oh the focus shouldve been on Simons Feelings and not this woman who became a god for him its just like, i didnt really expect that direction of writing their past relationship, or the direction in general, and idk how to feel about it. maybe ill change my mind. maybe it all makes sense and i just didnt pay enough attention to betty and simons relationships and arcs before. what i did know coming out of the show is that i felt a little let down but i also felt like i shouldnt have expected much from something that just based off the series name was already something i expected to not vibe with THAT much

[supertransural]

There was something defective in the blueprints of the universe Chuck created where Cas rebels and TFW wins (aka the main universe we see).

Ok I've thought a lot about this, and I may just be spewing nonsense, dont get me wrong, but it feels like an itch I need to scratch (by writing a long post about a random theory, because that's how we do things in this house).

There's something about how decadent the angels get and how broken the system is in Heaven that just feels wrong. Firstly, remember how Chuck tells Cas in s15 that in every single other universes, he was a good little warrior and "did what he was told"? It may not be the angel in question that has a "crack in his chassis", but the designs of Creation themselves.

Here's the thing, we know doubt was already spreading around in Heaven before Cas rebelled, before he became this legend (wether a good or a bad one, still a legend amongst the feathered assholes) in Heaven. But without Cas fighting (and killing) his own Brethren, without him pushing against the Great Plan for Dean, would those other angels actually have rebelled? Maybe they did in one universe, only to reinstate the old order, with a slight twist, probably simply the leader/god wasn't the same angel as it was before (Michael) (they're not exactly famous for their original thinking). Maybe they backed down after getting sent back to Bible camp. Maybe they were simply killed because subtlety isn't one of their fortes either and the faithful other hundreds (thousands? millions? I'm never sure) of angels found out and eradicated the threat.

Incidentally, from the few clips we get of the other worlds, I seem to remember seeing Cas chasing after Sam and Dean along with other angels, so it really looks as though Heaven wasn't defeated and still righteous and still in full functioning order. The Host was still goin' strong, if you will, unlike in our little universe, where only a few angels remain and the archangels are dead and everything is absolutely going to shit up there.

My point is still fuzzy but I'm getting to it, just give me a few more paragraphs I swear it makes sense. I intend to wrap it all up very neatly once I figure it out.

So as I was saying, in the universes where Lucifer didn't win, but where the Apocalypse didn't happen either (without Cas' help in making sure it didn't, since he "did what he was told") Heaven still did not fall. They didn't scatter like cockroaches, the Host was still there, still chasing after Sam and Dean after at least a decade. Perhaps it suffered some setbacks, a few changes in Management, but it was still Heaven, ya know? Same everlasting goals and same targets.

Which brings me to my second/third example (point? idea? not sure what to call them to be honest): Zachariah the time bender. I know angels are capable of twisting time a bit, traveling through it, provided they have a big enough power generator (several angels working together, an archangel, a very strong will as we see with Cas, you name it), but the stunt Zach pulled by twisting the timeline effectively causing a fork to appear in linear time? That's not just traveling, that's creating. Something an angel doth not do. Zach had a bit of a crack in his chassis as well, from my point of view. Zapping Sam and Dean in a weird universe where they work office jobs? Ok. Zapping Dean in the past to see his mom and dad? Ok. Those are angel-level-of-thinking-and-doing things. Creating a different timeline?? That's what Chuck does (albeit in greater scale) with his different universes. Zach was somehow a): allowed to do it and b): able to do it. How?? And interestingly enough, even in a different timeline, this world still has a failing Host. One that up and left.

Speaking of apocalyptic worlds, let's not forget that even during an ongoing apocalypse, even lead by a deranged Michael, Heaven did not fall either. All the worlds where Lucifer won aren't exactly relevant here, if Heaven was defeated well within the rules of the Big Ol' Plan then that neither proves nor disproves my point. There may even be some worlds where Michael is killed by Lucifer and the Apocalypse begins, but the Devil still doesn't win, wether it be thanks to the Winchesters, or Heaven fighting back and winning in the end, or maybe both.

My point is, this world we see most of the time is Chuck's favorite, the one he was most "hands on" with. It's the one where he writes himself into the story and observes and intervenes sometimes. It's the one where he has to do that. It's the one where Amara is freed and the angels are able to do jackshit about it. It's the one where Heaven falls, it's the one where the holy rules are broken from the get go, it's the one that allowed an angel like Cas to break free, even when Chuck himself wasn't too happy about it. Heaven becomes the ruins of what it once was and loses its power for no reason other than a couple dudes with guns and knives and this one angel whose programming didn't go according to plan. It's the one where Bobby is enough to free souls from their rest by basically knocking on a couple doors, like cmon. A Heaven whose gates are so easily manipulated Metatron manages to close them off and takes over for a little while. One where all the angels fall and lose their wings. It's a Heaven where legions aren't enough to bring back one stubborn, unimportant in the grand scheme of things (or so they thought) angel to the pearly gates. They lose every endeavor they put their minds to, they don't slaughter demons by the dozens, they're lost.

This isn't an A grade Heaven. This is a Heaven that must've had a flaw in the design. Perhaps that's why Chuck found it so interesting, maybe not realizing why. He left one termite in the woodwork, and watched it all crumble, popcorn in his hand, unaware of his slow downfall until it was much too late. Without a malfunctioning Heaven like that one, he'd still be God. Cas wasn't the one with the crack in the chassis, yes he was special, but I like to think he happened to exist in the same universe as that termite, and the dominoes fell accordingly. It's like a butterfly effect, maybe Chuck created this world absentmindedly, no particular idea in mind, got distracted for a millisecond (which could well be an eternity in his case, time is a weird concept) and overlooked one typo in the code, forgot to write one little detail in small letters at the bottom of the contract, didn't add the teaspoon of baking powder sitting next to him to his batter, and the world exploded majestically in his face. Maybe he wanted to make this one more interesting, and corrected a sequence but forgot to change the initial layout of the program, maybe he lengthened his sentence but forgot to add punctuation or forgot to remove a capital letter, maybe he added a clause in the contract that created a loophole, who knows? It still had the same result. Him losing his powers, and probably dying in a ditch somewhere.

Seeing as this theory already didn't make much sense in my head, I hope I've at least articulated it well enough to make it comprehensible, and that the last point clears off whatever confused cobwebs had been accumulating in your mind after each sentence.

[usertoxicyaoi]

hey faiza!!! i hope you've been having a good day so far 💕 i was scrolling through your replies tag (which i do every other week when i have free time bc you have a beautiful way with words and it helps put my mind at ease for a while) and i thought it was already past the time where i come here and express my gratitude to you (which i tried doing once before but i felt awkward and didn't want to be a nuisance (haha get it?)). ever since i began following, i've learned so so SO much. not only +

+ about the islam and all desi matters (that i had so little knowledge about, shame on me! it's a beautiful culture and i'm so glad i'm able to see a slice of and learn about it through your blog!!), but also about so many other things, whether it be lgbtqia+ topics, just perks of life and even how to be more conscious and educated about the things and pieces of media i consume. i'm just a teenager u kno, whereas you are already a grown woman, so i couldn't possibly compare us as equal, as you certainly have more life experiences and knowledge than i do, and we come from drastically different places; my view of the world is still so limited to my surroundings and where i come from, but it's within the internet that i find a place to learn more about others and make that view of the world be wider, richer and more mindful. god i feel like im derailing, sorry shdhajd, but my point is: i didn't expect to be able to learn so much when i began watching bls again this year, i thought i would watch the shows, follow some blogs for pretty gifs, and that's all. but i was wrong, because tumblr gave me the opportunity to meet and befriend so many incredible people and i was so lucky that you were one of them. i've said this before but, my tumblr experience is so much better whenever i see you on my dash talking about whatever it is, and i look up to you so so so much. i'm not a religious person but the way you talk about the islam, the Qur'an or Allah makes me feel so emotional and it's beautiful to see this deep and passionate connection you have with this religion. and just how incredibly articulated you are when talking about any topic, it always makes me stop scrolling and read all the things you write. i adore reading your thoughts, your opinions and your take on things because they always come from a place of reflection, appreciation and respect, and i admire that a lot. you have such a wonderful and kind soul, it's so inspiring to me to see how you always try to be positive, optimistic and respectful no matter what is in front of you. of course, we don't //really// know each other that well, but the little of you that you pour out and show us is already so beautiful and welcoming 💓 i'm gonna stop now i'm sorry that this is so long goddd i just.... i wanted to thank you for all that you do for those who follow you and how impactful your presence on my tumblr experience has been. (i swear to you, when you followed me back on this blog before i made the sideblog, i legit freaked out lmao my mind was "WHAT??? SHE, WHO'S SO CLEVER AND AMAZING AND TALENTED, JUST FOLLOWED ME? WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER?? SJDHSJSJ WHAT" and tbh i still don't know What made you want to be mutuals but i'm glad for whatever it was 💞) i hope all the parts go and im so sorry it's so long shdnksjdj

dawn!!! hello my sunshine!!!!!!!!! i hope you've had a lovely week, and i hope this weekend you take some time off and relax! i hope you're doing well!!!

oh my goodness me i- what have i done to deserve this I DO NOT DESERVE this. thank you so so much for just. being so loving and you are so so wise, i READ your tags, i READ your posts. and i think, despite however old or young people are, there's something to learn from everyone. there's something to appreciate and pick up on and implement and become more aware of and about from everyone's story of life. so don't ever think you may not have much to offer!

this year's been hard. a lot has happened. and i think everything has been a lesson to learn from, and for us to really truly understand what it is that really matters the most to us, and to show gratitude for what we have, all the blessings we have. and its hard to stay positive all the time, and thats okay. sometimes, our sadness needs room and space also where its telling us to just ... take a moment and reflect on why the sadness is there. but i've become so .... adamant that i choose to go back and think positively again. bc although it feels like we've been stripped away from being physically social, i've seen how much goodness and humanity there is still left within people on here, within all my mutuals - and i realised that, as long as there is goodness in this world, there's no reason to give up on hope. people together can make so many things happen.

and part of, i feel, what people should be proud of, is being proud of who they are. not in the arrogant sense, but in terms of WHO you are. what makes you, you. and now more than ever we need to know about one another. about different backgrounds and cultures and religions and beliefs etc. we can become ambassadors of those things, and being an authentic source of knowledge for people. of course, not everyone may like that, but thats okay. knowledge is power and there's so much knowledge out there for us to dip into. by learning from another, we can truly enrich ourselves, find out about commonalities and similarities and differences and contrasts. and ultimately realise that every single one of us has the right to life and the right to live. we can share our sorrow and pain, and also share our moments of joy and happiness too. we may not all agree on the same thing, but that should not sway us from wanting to befriend someone and missing out on an opportunity to get to know someone, just because you may not agree on one thing. there could be 10 things you do agree on vs that 1 that you dont. and that doesnt stop you from being any less you, nor them being any less them. we all deserve respect and kindness, despite our similarities and despite our differences from one place, culture, religion or belief, to the next.

there is just. there is so much good in this world, in nature, in people. we need to celebrate that. we need to appreciate goodness and just. be thankful for everything we have, and anything we get on top of what we have, is a blessing.

thank you so so so much!!! i love youuuuu!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

[phobiadeficient]

Holy fuck i just read that ask by "hiatus13", the one with sniper pinning snipes to a wall, and holy fucken shit im in need of a second part, if u wanna of course. Jfc when i learn how to draw better, imma try and draw on of these shortfics cuz holy damn (of course if you'll let me and with full credit, totally okay if u dont want me to) ❤️❤️❤️❤️🐑

dude fuckin Bet. dude do it like Bet

(no warnings)

-

They ended up in Sniper’s camper since they were halfway there, and Scout found himself kneeling on a hard, thinly-carpeted floor, watching maybe too intently as Sniper muddled with his belt.

As an afterthought, Sniper reached over and grabbed a pillow and tossed it to the ground, and Scout situated it beneath his knees after a moment’s thought. Then Sniper’s pants were open and being shuffled down his legs, and the front of his shirt rucked up a bit, and Scout was finding out that apparently Sniper didn’t wear underwear even with his uniform which he found ridiculously attractive for reasons he couldn’t even totally articulate.

Sniper had himself in hand, working in idle pumps as Scout got a look at him. And, y’know, locker rooms and all, he’d caught glimpses of pretty much all of the guys by then, but it was way different looking at him straight on and when he was hard and looking right back at Scout.

“Never sucked a bloke off, then?” he asked, as if for clarification.

“Nah, no,” Scout replied, still eyeing him.

Sniper exhaled, halfway to a sigh. “Right. Just...” He thought for a second. “Just keep your teeth out of the way, use your tongue, and try not to choke yourself, awright?”

“Y-yeah, okay,” Scout said, and licked his lips, and leaned in.

Sniper moved his hand away and let Scout take over, taking it by the base and angling up towards his mouth.

And it wasn��t, like, rocket science, he’d gotten sucked off a few times before and knew what he liked and what worked, but he still hesitated for another second or two before he carefully, cautiously, leaned in to lick the head.

Sniper shifted as if relaxing, and Scout considered some stuff. First of all, the nightmare scenario was off the table, the taste wasn’t bad. And of course it wasn’t, Sniper was one of his cleaner teammates, but he was still relieved. Second of all, he wasn’t going to look like a total idiot, because up close like this he knew he’d actually be able to get this a pretty good way into his mouth.

But he pulled out a move he’d had done to him a few times before and warmed up into it, starting with licking and kinda-sloppy kissing, just kinda getting a feel for what he was doing. And he was apparently doing a pretty good job, because Sniper was relaxing further, and at one point made this gravelly kind of humming noise that made Scout feel real damn pleased with himself, a real ego boost that most people would probably argue he didn’t need.

But at the very least, it was enough to convince Scout to lean in that much further and take him into his mouth. And that got another hum, and Scout had to concentrate hard on keeping his teeth out of the way.

And he didn’t know what it was, maybe it was just like, the idea of what he was doing, but there was something about this that made him feel superheated, antsy, maybe even desperate, and he just kinda did what he was pretty sure was the thing he was supposed to do, slowly starting to bob his head, and when that almost immediately got monotonous he started to suck in counterpoint.

And he was like, 90% sure that every time he’d ever had this done to him, they were much less messy about it. He hoped the little noises weren’t too distracting. But it was either make sure he kept his teeth out of the way or not make a bunch of noise, he couldn’t focus on both. He was pretty sure he was doing at least an okay job, though, because Sniper was starting to make more of those raspy growly hums, maybe more like groans, and in his periphery he could see that Sniper was grabbing onto the sheets on either side of his hips pretty hard.

At some point Scout remembered some other stuff people would do to him—he cupped Sniper’s balls and rolled them in his hand, and that got a whole moan, and he tried to take him deeper into his mouth until he felt his gag reflex starting to argue about it, and then he felt Sniper’s hand on the back of his head down near his neck and—

And he realized, okay, maybe he could get into this. Or maybe he already was. Because he was starting to get pretty hard, actually. Like, distractingly hard.

And he dipped too far at one point and gagged outright, and pulled up to cough, his eyes watering, and fuck, okay, that was that lesson learned. And Sniper exhaled hard, his grip going a little tight, but rather than complaining he managed a throaty sort of “You awright?”

Scout waved him off, still coughing a little, and god his face had to be red, he felt like he was burning up. “I’m fine, just... fuck.” He cleared his throat hard, blinking a few times. “Sorry.”

“Getting off on this, then?” Sniper asked, and Scout glanced back up, and Sniper was looking down at Scout’s lap, and, okay, so he was caught. He flushed further. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, you know. It happens.”

“Yeah? What, happens when you’re blowin’ dudes too?” Scout asked, trying to look a little less flustered.

“Sometimes,” Sniper shrugged, and Scout started coughing again. “Don’t tell me you’re going to try and act like a prude when you’re currently on your bloody knees.”

“Just—just shut up,” Scout mumbled, and leaned in to set back to work with a vengeance. Sniper did indeed shut up.

Scout didn’t want to choke again, so he gripped around what all he couldn’t get in his mouth, trying to remember to pump and squeeze between bobbing his head and sucking. And Sniper’s hand migrated a little ways up his head to card into his hair, and it was all the easier to work Sniper up into where he was making actual noise.

“Close,” Sniper warned, voice a little breathless in a way that made Scout absolutely throb. “If you’re—gonna pull off—“

Scout didn’t, mostly because he was curious. And a few moments later Sniper swore hard, and then he had a mouthful of—

Okay, so every porn he’d ever seen was made by liars. The taste wasn’t good. He wasn’t gonna like, throw up, but definitely gross. He fumbled off to one side for the trash can and spat into it as quick as he could, twice for good measure.

“Not bad,” Sniper said, well out of breath. When Scout looked back over, he was settling his pants back into place. “Bit sloppy, but being new and all, I’ll give it a pass.”

“Hell yeah,” Scout said, unreasonably proud of himself, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Sniper moved to pull him up to sit on his lap, and Scout went along with it with little hesitation. Then Sniper was popping his pants open and Scout was leaning in with greater enthusiasm.

“Sure seems like you enjoyed yourself,” Sniper teased, and Scout flushed. “See that being something you’d, er... want to learn more of?”

“Yeah!” Scout chirped, and then Sniper’s hand was in his pants, and he jolted a little. “F-fuck, uh, I mean y-you don’t have to do that you already kinda—got me off once—“

“What if I want to?” Sniper asked, raising an eyebrow at him, and Scout stuttered about that for a little longer until Sniper apparently got impatient and turned them to lay Scout down on the bed, pulling his pants out of the way enough to—

“Holyfuckingshit!” Scout yipped as Sniper bent down and swallowed down like half of him in one go, settling into a damn near expert rhythm within a few seconds, and fuck, okay, he already got Sniper off so it really shouldn’t matter but he was pretty sure if he came within a minute and a half of Sniper starting to suck him off he would literally have to go into witness protection he would be so embarrassed but on the other hand Sniper was sucking his dick and that was an idea so hot he could never even jack off about it.

So he curled his hands into fists on either side of his own head where he was gripping at the sheets and he squeezed his eyes shut hard and he choked down noises and he held out for as long as he could. And it felt like a marathon, like pushing a few extra miles at a dead sprint, the effort making him jittery and half-convinced he was going to pull a muscle somewhere, but he held out as long as he could force himself to before he finished, swearing a blue streak the whole way down.

His head was fuzzy and fizzy when he came back down to earth again, and his tongue felt heavy, and Sniper was lying beside him, smoking and blowing out the window on the exhale. And he was feeling so goddamn pleased with himself that he found himself vocalizing the first coherent sentence he could get his head around.

“Hey,” he said. “Maybe next time you walk me through what like, actual fucking is like.”

Sniper raised an eyebrow at him. “...It’d be you on bottom for the first time of that,” he said slowly.

“Think I’ll be a natural at that too?” Scout teased.

“...Maybe,” Sniper said, looking slightly more amused at his antics than before, and Scout relaxed, sank back down to try and get his brain together, and maybe eventually to get his pants back up.

[midnightactual]

@deivorous​ wrote in for How’s My Portrayal:

Ok so other people who are much more articulate than I have already probably summed up exactly what I think of your portrayal, but you deserve all of the complimentary words and so you can have one more. Yoruichi is, without a doubt, one of the *most* complex characters conceived by Kubo (and for all his flaws he has no shortage of brilliant characters) partially because there is so much mystery surrounding her past, partially because there are so many different facets of her personality, [1/?] partially because despite all of the horrible things she’s done in her life, she is still so incredibly kind. This makes her incredibly difficult to write. The type of experience needed to properly convey her intelligence, her tactical mind, her ability to rapidly analyze and synthesize information. These kinds of things *cant* be faked. I know you already said that “She’s more intelligent, wiser, and funnier than me” but I think you are seriously selling yourself short. [2/?] Yoruichi can not be successfully portrayed by anyone less. I dont think I have ever met a mun so perfectly matched with their muse. Your grasp on philosophy, religion, culture, all allow you to bring such a unique flavour to your muse. YOU HAVE THE RANGE, DARLING! swear, you have pried open the lid with a crowbar in order to dig into her. You have taken her and truly made her your own. I adore reading your headcanons, [3/?] you have designed such a rich history for her AND her family AND the soul society, and it all ties together so well. You always have some new and interesting tidbit to reveal about her and you manage to incorporate them so well into your writing. Every thread is progress for your muse, every thread lifts the veil a little more, expands her depths and contributes to a new complexity. I am always thrilled to read your threads and to see what new ideas you come up with. [4/?] you have designed such a rich history for her AND her family AND the soul society, and it all ties together so well. You always have some new and interesting tidbit to reveal about her and you manage to incorporate them so well into your writing. Every thread is progress for your muse, every thread lifts the veil a little more, expands her depths and contributes to a new complexity. I am always thrilled to read your threads and to see what new ideas you come up with. [5/?] On a muse related note, Grimmjow finds her so infuriating in the absolute best way possible. You have written her to be so casually confident, powerful, and self assured even in the face of her own vulnerability and shortcomings she holds herself accountable. I have long imagined what these two would be like while interacting and your Yoruichi has made that so fun. Youve only been in the rpc for a short time but you have a wonderful impact on everyone who’s had the pleasure of writing with you. 

I’m still overwhelmed by the outpouring of acclaim that’s come in today so... Plou, please forgive me if this response seems underwhelming when placed next to your incredibly thoughtful and gracious remarks. I never expected these sorts of accolades, or all the rest that everyone else has sent in, and I treasure all of it. There aren’t really words that capture how charitable and considerate all of it’s been, and I just find myself increasingly lost for them. Thank you, though. I mean that as genuinely and deeply as I might. Thank you.

[gangrenados]

Peter Maximoff as a father

I know I had been MIA for a long long time, but school is over and (I know i say this like a lot) I'll post more things in summer.

Also sorry for the grammar mistakes!

-No one ever had imagine that Peter would become a father, I mean, he's a child himself

-He even thinks that he wouldn't be good playing the role of a dad

-However, they did not see it either, judging by all the times you two ... you know ...

-That was a hard work being able to know how to tell him that, well, he'll be one.

-You tried to keep the secret and make everyone to keep it too, that was difficult.

-When Charles was able to hear the thoughts of the creature that was growing in your belly he was too surprised, he needed a few minutes to process the information

"Don't you think that keeping the secret from him will end up bad?"

"Yes, but I have to, at least for now..."

-However, the secret did not last for long and this was the fault of Scott and Jubilee who argued about how useless it was to make a baby shower.

"The baby will not even remember it!" Scott shouted in the middle of the hall, spreading his arms to express his point better.

"But it will be a nice gesture, do not you think?" Jubilee tried to reason.

"No I dont think so..."

-At that moment Peter was passing out.

"I think  (t / n)´s baby deserves it ..."

-And just at the end of that sentence Peter stopped short in front of both teenagers.

-He was pale white, could hardly believe what he had heard.

"Whose baby?

-Peter barely able to articulate well

"Shit, we ruined it ..." Scott muttered.

-After that meeting Peter went to where you were. He trembled, actually he seemed somewhat fuzzy because of that.

"Will we have a baby?"

-You felt like your heart stopped instantly.

"Yes ... I swear I was going to tell you, but I did not know how!

-Peter just nodded, subtracting impoetancia the subject and collapsing in the nearest seat

-He had to process the information for days, he being a father? That would be something completely strange. He did not consider himself a good example to follow, he alone was like a child

-He tried not to show himself away, he tried not to dislike the idea, he had always dreamed of a family, but the idea of ​​having it would be new to him.

-In his free time he ran to all the libraries of the state and read almost all the books about pregnancy that he could find and from one moment to another he became a mass of nerves about all the possible risks in which you would have to face.

-but let’s get dtraight to the point:  the birth of the baby

-HE WAS SO FUCKING NERVOUS OMFG

-Like he was just a blur, no one can see him properly

-An let’s not metion the way he spoke, fuck it weas really hard to uinderstand him

-He dind’t want to be next to you during the time you’ll have the baby

-He feared that he’ll pass out when the nurse give him the baby, or that he’ll not be a good help inside

so he stayed in the waiting room with the others

-When he entered in the room which you was with the newborn he smiled but passed out

-Parenthood

-He’s the funny parent and has lack of control 

-He dosen’t want to forbid things for his kid, he dosen’t want to make them cry you know?

-He would have little races with them! Obviusly he would not run as fast as he can, in fact he would let them win

-His child is his sidekick in the pranks they put on others

-Erik is such a proud grandpa, like he would do whatever this little human ask for

-Peter is a little jealous about this, but is greatfull that his child can have a good relationship with his grandfather

-One time the little kind wnt lost and Peter was a nervous wreck. He searched in every corner, street, park, forest, you name it just to found out that the child was with you.

-He loves his little family so much!

[maxhoemo]

Chicago - 1923 

It was a cold, crisp evening in February. The snow blew in the harsh wind, cutting the skin like a knife. Women struggled to trudge up the sidewalk, turning up the collars of their fur coats over their eyes. 

Ian Carter, from the comfort of his automobile, laughed as he lit up a cigar. “Ya’ imagine walkin’ in this, Chet?” he asked one of his goons.

“Ech. No way...” The sleazy right-hand shook his head. 

“Come on boss,” said his driver. “Don’t ya’ feel a little sorry for em’?”

“I aint got no sympathy for a dame in a mink coat. She can afford not to walk, she’s just too stupid. Or proud... I’ll tell ya’ who I feel sorry for... Them,” He pointed out the window. A handful of people stood at the corner. This particular corner was well known to a certain segment of society. “Hookers and Gunsels... Them’s the ones with no choice.”

“Ya’ got a big heart, boss.”

“I do. Don’t I?” Ian agreed, leaning back in his seat. “Speaking of my big heart, after dinner I’ve got a certain act of, uhh, charity... I wanna conduct over on 11th. If you know what I mean.”

------

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“I’m sure you don’t....” Max answered, a little more snippy then he intended. He hated cleaning up after these drunks! But he knew he had to help with the family business... And earn money other ways... Prohibition had not been kind to his family. His grandfather’s Australian style pub had been a huge hit when he’d first come over, but the outlawing of alcohol had nearly sent them all to the poor house. Max had been wearing the same stained old work shirt for a year now. Maybe longer. And those thugs... Those thugs who sold his father hooch at jacked up prices and threatened him and skimmed his earnings...! Those dogs got to live the high life! It made Max’s blood boil! He didn’t even notice how rough he was suddenly scrubbing the table. Shaking his head, he threw the rag back into the bucket and went to get some clean water.

As he was filling his bucket, he heard a sudden commotion. He raced out from the back. It was those goons! Coming to threaten his father again. “Hey!” Max called. “Leave him alone!” He tried pulling his dad back, out of their grip but it was no use.

“Max, please, stay out of this...” His father begged. 

“No! I’m not gonna let them hurt you again!” 

“Ya’ think yer tough, daffy boy?” One goon asks. Max was about to make a smart remark when he found his face inches away from the end of a switchblade. 

“Don’t!” His father cried.

Max was just frozen in place.

------

“Oh Man! That was some good corn!”

“Right here,” Ian instructed his driver. “I want this place for myself...” He adjusted his jacket before stepping inside. His chest puffed out and his men on either side of him. He didn’t expect to step into the middle of a commotion.

“Hey!” he shouted. His loud booming voice enough to intimidate the two goons.

“Shit...” One mumbled.

“Hey...” The other spoke up. “This place is Vinny’s territory.”

“Not anymore it aint. Now make tracks. Unless the two of you want a couple of Chicago overcoats, huh?”

“Vinny’ll hear about this...” One threatened as they left.

“Yeah. Tell him all about it...” Ian turned back to the owner. “You okay?”

The younger one, he just shook his head and looked down. 

“What kid, no thank you?” Ian teased. But the boy turned around and walked away. 

Max just wanted all of these types of people out of his life. Though he knew that was impossible as long as his family was on the wrong side of the law. He sat down at an empty table. Running his hands through his hair, he let out a deep exhale. He took a cigarette from his pocket and placed it between his lips. But as luck would have it, he was out of matches.

“Need a light?”

Max looked up. It was him. “Go away.”

Ian didn’t respond. As usual, Ian did what he pleased. Taking a seat beside Max he lit his cigarette for him with his lighter.

Max took a puff, raising an irritated eyebrow at the man. The smoke billowing around his delicate features. 

“Look,” Ian said. “I just wanna talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t wanna talk to you.”

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Max’s face fell. “No,” he hissed in a stern voice.

“Sure I do,” Ian went on. Flashing his famous smile. “Up on the street corner. I wouldn’t forget a pretty face like yours.”

Max clenched his teeth, narrowing his eyes at Ian. “You’re making fun of me!?” He slammed his hand down on the table. “That how rich cunts get their kicks?”

“No, no. You’ve got me all wrong.” Ian placed his hand over Max’s. “It’s not like that. I just mean, you work so hard. For your family. I wanna help you.”

“Help me? I don’t...”

“Look. I know Vinny cut your pops a bad deal. Sendin’ his chopper squad around here. And, well... I just can’t stand to see human suffering.”

Max rolled his eyes. “Sure...”

“What do you charge up there? 25? 30 cents a go?”

“Kick off...!” Max pulled his hand away, his voice cracking.

Shit... Ian wasn’t trying to upset the little daisy.... “Hey, hey. Shh.. Shh...” He grabbed the spindle of Max’s chair with one hand and pulled it closer. Their two seats now practically touching. “I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have to do that.”

“Why the hell would you care!?” Max shouted in a whisper. Obviously this was not the kind of conversation he wanted anyone to overhear.

“Because...” Ian’s eyes shifted back and forth. He looked around the room before leaning in closer. His own voice dropping to a whisper as well. “What’s your name?”

“Max...” he whispered back. Still annoyed, but confused on top of it.

“Max...” Ian leaned in closer. Whispering softly into Max’s ear. “You’re hiding something... Well, so am I...” He ran his hand up Max’s thigh, causing him to jump. He squeezed it, less than an inch away from touching his crotch. Max’s breath hitched in his throat. “More than just how you bring in the dough... Am I onto something...?”

Max didn’t answer.

“You got thoughts in your head. And feelings. And you try and hide em’. But it’s hard, aint it Max?” Ian’s soft whisper. His breath against his ear. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He bit down on his lip. “I’m the same way...” Max’s dick twitched. He cursed himself silently. Crossing his legs, Ian retracted his hand. 

“W-what are you going on about....?”

“I want to make you an offer.”

“What...?” He turned to look at him.

“How would you like to never work again? What if you could have everything you ever wanted? Just come home with me. You’ll have everything you could ever need.”

Max’s eyes studied Ian for a moment, before he pursed his lips and leaned away. “I am not interested in being your sex slave.”

“No,” Ian laughed. “Dollface. Ya’ got it all wrong. You don’t gotta do anything. You don’t even have to touch me.”

Max raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t make sense of this guy. Nothing in this world was for free. Max had learned that long ago.

“I just want someone around. Someone I can relate to. To talk to... To... Look at... To...” He struggled to articulate it. “...Keep me company.”

“That’s really all you want...?”

“Swear to God.”

Max was silent for a moment. He seriously considered the man’s offer. Who didn’t want to live the high life? Be one of the lucky ones? Of course it was tempting... But these were thugs. They were dangerous. And if Max had learned anything it was that they were not to be trusted. And besides... “My family needs me.”

“You’re family’ll be safer than they ever were before.”

“How so?”

“Look. That’s what I came here for in the first place. This speakeasy here. This is valuable territory to me. I want it. And that’s all I want. Me and my boys will protect your family. And we’ll give em’ a fair price on the merchandise. And I don’t need no cut.”

“Well, I find that all a little hard to believe.”

“Max. All I’m interested in is taking this place out of the control of that putz. That’s my only motivation.”

“Oh really? It seemed more like you were here to chat me up.”

“You? Nah. You’re just a little bonus,” Ian flashed him that smile of his again. “You in or...”

“Well... I...”

“You look awful hungry. You know I just had this real nice steak and toast. But hell... I could eat again...”

Max frowned. What a sleeze-ball. Max lived entirely off of soup. And even that had been tight lately.... This guy was using everything he could against him. But... What an offer... He could only imagine the way these guys ate. And did he really mean that? He wouldn’t have to touch him? Not do anything at all? It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t really just be lonely. What if this was all some kind of trick? What if they killed him? Max couldn’t really think of any reason they would have to do that. But these were thugs. Maybe they just got their jollies off that way. But then again... Ian hadn’t hurt anyone... He hadn’t threatened anyone. Maybe Max had them pegged all wrong. After all, he and his family made their money illegally too... Besides. Going home to a leftover pot of broth was not appealing. He couldn’t live in regret over such an oppurtunity. Even if Ian was a phoney, he could at least see for himself. “Umm... Well... Maybe I’ll give it a go. A small go. But if I change my mind... You’ve gotta bring me right back home. As soon as I ask, got it?”

“Of course. You’re a free bird, Max.”

“Well then, I suppose I accept your offer. For now.”

Ian grinned and held out his hand, which Max shook. Was he making a huge mistake...?

[resconarchive]

prinxess's rescreatu rant

Hey all (+Riyo), it's prinxess. I found this blog today, which naturally means I spent the next 5 hours flipping through the archive lol. This was supposed to be a short post but plans never go as expected (Warning: this is LONG). If you know me, you’ve probably seen me try to talk about this stuff in the SB—which rarely goes well, haha. I’m going to word vomit on three main things: Res’s “first come, first serve” issue, Staff/ShoutBox Culture, and my own mistakes.

This isn’t Voice of God. I’m just a flawed 20-year-old who feels compelled articulate her thoughts at least once somewhere.

I accept responsibility for what’s written below.

1. Early Birds Get the Worm

Nice names are Res’s lifeblood. The aim of the game is to accumulate as many as you can. It didn't start out that way but that’s what it's become; it's human nature to want what your peers want. We enjoy having valuable things—the proof is in the pixels. But LOL good names are now worth 1B tu? This is why people are so upset with the site. If you made an account in 2006, quickly hatched three creatu named Diamond, Emerald, and Sapphire, and didn't log in again until now, your account would be worth more than someone who joined a year ago but has put in hundreds of hours into the site.

1B is pretty abstract, so I'll offer a cold splash of in-game reality. 700M = $100

Many of Rescreatu’s issues writhe around one malignant crux: its “first come, first serve” groundwork. Meaning, if your account isn’t old enough to be sent off to grade school, then you are out of luck. With everything. If you weren’t there when you could fish tier-1 names from the Atquateen Forest, if you weren’t there during the mass graveyard purges, if you weren’t smart enough to buy valuable names en masse for cheap from naive tweens 8 years ago, you’re out of luck. Unless Mr. Moneybags disembowels him/herself into your hands, you will never measure up to the sheer wealth of a select few old users (Gunmetal, Fleur, etc).

The visible wealth disparity is unreal. It’s kind of cute—there’s this ritual where when a newbie appears in the SB, older users flood them with tu and lovely creatu because they know baby bambi can’t make it on their own in modern Res. But what about the invisible users? The 99% who never set foot in the SB? Imagine you’re twelve, creating an account for the first time. You’re given XYZtu (aka not enough) to start off with. Hatching pets is fun. You like finding clothes for your avatar in the trash. A while later, you become interested in buying more creatu, so you fiddle around with the Creatu Search. And... you realize that the only good rwns are in the 20M+ range.

Actually no—a few weeks ago, a user called prinxess went through the entire directory, cleaned out most lower-priced RWNs, and stuck them in her shop at mark-up. But hey, she left “Blisters” and “Introspective” for you.

There’s nothing to do on Rescreatu except lord your cool names over other users. Nothing else... except... wait. Isn’t the Kir Quest about colors, not names? Which brings me to my next point. Years ago, blondes were worth 700k, and albinos 3M. Players back then threw these cheap creatu at Kir and rode the Uldavian Express to higher Rounds at mach speed (there are 5 Rounds now. each need an additional 120 creatu/points to access). Nowadays, albinos are no longer stocked in ranchers—period. I’m talking chimbies and meragons, not even seasonals. To use myself as an example, I restarted Kir a month ago (I was only at 25 points, Round 1). I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t being 100% efficient with my tu, but within a few days, I managed to add an additional 23 creatu to that number. At the cost of nearly one billion tu. 95% of which went towards beans.

If you’re a newbie with a dream of earning a Cyancu Nest, you need to give Kir 180 creatu total. That isn’t just hard—it’s straight-up impossible. From a cost/benefit standpoint, if you do not already have a substantial amount of Kir points, do not touch the Quest. Instead, buy the prize shop items from other users.

Because, let’s do some math. 180 (creatu) x 7,800,000 (price per bean) = 1,404,000,000tu.

I swear on every god out there that, overall, you will not just be spending 7.8M per creatu.

Cyancu eggs are selling for 500M each/1.5B for a nest, pretty close to that mythical 1,404,000,000 number. Just buy the egg.

A staff member once told me, “The Kir Quest is supposed to be hard.” Fair enough. The original purpose of the Quest was to fix Res’s overpopulation problem. Make higher colors valuable again. But now we’ve swung hard towards creatu extinction. The fix is relatively simple. Have Kir ask for blondes/albinos less often. Or increase the likelihood of hatching colors. Should be a simple coding tweak.

Side-note: With beans having become an integral part of Rescreatu’s ONLY real continuous Quest, why are they still cash shop items? People love to tout “but the site needs money to run”. How about put out a better product instead of squeezing users with Stockholm Syndrome/a gambling addiction out of more pennies? Actually, not pennies, it’s serious cash. The next promo is $100 for 3 retired CS eggs—a promo which was supposed to be in December, but moved because the higher ups thought users would be too strapped for cash during Christmas.

2. Staff/Culture

Hopelessness makes the newer users leave. Staff corruption poisons the rest. I’m not involved in current Rescreatu politics, but in the past it absolutely was a thing. Even with generally loved and respected staff members.

 I don’t want to disclose too much information, but since I’m old and weary, I’ll say that (without asking for it) a substantial boon was thrown my way because I was friendly with a member of staff. They are still highly regarded within the community.

14BM was unabashedly shady. One day, I announced I was selling a name on the SB and got in touch with a buyer. During our back-and-forth rmailing, 14BM rmailed me to say one of us had “accidentally hit the report button” which pointed her to our conversation. She warned me the other user was ripping me off, and that she could give me a better offer. Not very professional behavior, in my honest opinion.

Way back when, BillyBob was abusing glitches.

A name appeared in anon-staff’s Showroom one hot second after the person it belonged to was banned for “using a bot to find eggs.” Anon-staff had previously asked if they’d ever sell the name and they had said no. Shady.

Real talk. A staff member told me they don’t even care if you use bots, just as long as you don’t find enough seasonal eggs to ruin the market. I think anything above 40 is considered suspicious. Nevermind if you actually have no life and want to search for eggs for 48 hours straight.

There were way more corruption incidents, but those were so long ago I barely remember them. As for current staff, I can’t speak for them. Honestly, I can’t tell who most people are anymore because of all the username switching lol. There’s this ridiculous implicit rule of “don’t ask what someone’s username used to be” around Res. Like hello? That makes no sense. Not only do they retain their unique pets, but really, if someone hated you, a simple change of username isn’t going to make them suddenly forget who you are. Similarly, the whole idea of a new username being “a new start” for the user is frankly hilarious. Especially when you act no different.

That’s unfortunately just the start of my issue with Res’s “nice” culture. I’ll call it by another name: suck-up culture. It’s this omnipresent force of saccharine sweetness that’s nearly alive from how many people are hooked up into it. Plenty of users are genuinely nice, I won’t knock that. But damn, when a staff member/older user/wealthbag comes on the SB? It’s a vicious competition to prove how close they are are with that member. Immediately, there are “glomps” and “huggles” and “we’re married!/best friends” as if they actually give a shit about the other person. You do not. I know you do not. Everyone knows you do not. You’re just trying to get free things—and hey, it’s not a bad move, since those users are generally the gifting type. Oh. The cringiest thing is when a fan gives a popular user a cheap present, so the popular user will feel obliged to give them something in return—hopefully a better something. Machiavelli must be rolling in his grave.

This sugary behavior has somehow infected staff as well. I find it doubly disgusting because I can’t even call them out on it.

“<3 oh sweetheart, just so you know, what you’re doing is called spam. [link to rules] please take a look!! :333 ^_^”

“ *pops in* haiiiii guys, sorry to bump in but could you please take this convo to rmail? :3 *hugs* squeeeee <333 *hopes you dont hate me* ”

Like, fucking Christ. I can feel their phantom arms around me in my sleep. Can anyone speak normally anymore? Does everything need to be qualified with butterflies, sunshine, and overtures of love?

Back to the subject of staff... that issue is multifaceted. First, it’s a weirdly cyclical thing. Notice how newly chosen staff are almost always friends with current staff? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen some anon that’s never visited the SB become staff purely on merit (save for artists/programmers). But I could be wrong. Anyway, users inducted into staff are usually already one of Res’s wealthy elite. I can only speak for the trend I’ve noticed over the years, but A LOT of people become staff as a status symbol. Some also do it because they’re invested in the site and want to make it better. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. You can want to help while liking the boost in popularity at the same time. The real issue with staff is how they are compensated. Getting paid in credits (cash points?) actively increases the wealth disparity in the site. There’s a difference between giving someone 100 dollars versus a handful of credits. If someone handed you a hundred dollars, would you use it for rent or on some virtual name tags? Without this choice, staff are essentially forced into one course of action: buy credit shop items, put these items in their merchant shop, sell them to users, rake in tu. Or just sell cp for tu.

Rescreatu doesn’t use their staff properly. I’m referring to writers and artists. There are hundreds of wearable items available, but dressing up an avatar to look forum-fancy isn’t the purpose of a pet site. It’s a nice feature. But I didn’t join Rescreatu so I could play dress-up, I joined for the pets, for the battle arena, for the story of it all. Writers, I feel, are the most wasted of all. Does anyone actually read the stories in the books? Does anyone buy books, even? Res should take their talent and invest in proper story lines. They have six writers right now. Come on. Put up a good kidnapping site-wide story involving Xoria and Loyna. Get a competition between Scria users and Reiflem users going. Maybe the story could be Quest-style, with the users voting on how the story moves with their tu. Do something!

...Because this site also needs a tu sink. Desperately. Contrary to popular belief, the Kir Quest isn’t a tu sink, it vacuums money up to the top dogs of Rescreatu. You buy 10 beans—where are you getting these beans? More than likely, it’s from a staff member selling 70 of them in their shop. IRL right now there are 4 users selling beans: Feather x34, Isolation x30, Umbreon420 x1, Phos x36. Nothing against these users—in fact, I like them, but do you notice a trend? What do staff do with all this tu? They buy names at premium prices because they can afford to.

Q: Wait, prinx. If you just paid real money, you could have lots of tu too! A: My honor code forbids me from validating freemium games

Q: But, prinx. Why don’t you just become staff?  A: I tried when I was 13 but they didn’t accept me ): Probably for good reason.

It’s shocking that the stock market hasn’t been removed/tweaked yet. It shouldn’t be possible to buy 50,000 stocks of FAS for 400k on Sunday, and sell that for 20M one week later. This is another reason why names are considered the real currency on Rescreatu. Their value increases along with the inflation. It’s the only safe investment you can make.

3. Me

So, my long-winded rant is out of the way. Above, I mentioned I’d like to apologize for myself, so here I go. For context, these past few months I’ve been trying to get rid of my RWNs through forum auctions. In the latest thread, I stuck in an umbrella clause basically saying that I reserved the right to pull whatever bullshit I wanted, which I used, without warning, to tack 1.2B Autobuy options to the names. Half my reason was I was being egged on by a friend to do it. Half was because I just didn’t care. Never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine one person would actually go for it, let alone 3. When I opened the thread the morning after, I felt dread. My actions understandably upset quite a few people. I acknowledge that what I did was unprofessional. I regret it, and I’ve learned a valuable lesson.

In general, I’ve spent my recent years on Rescreatu being rude and abrasive. Trying to tie 14 year old staff in logic knots, picking at overly sensitive members, engaging trolls, the works. I’ve been throwing angsty melodrama around like glow-sticks at an EDM concert, and it isn’t fair to the newer members who have no memory of Res’s past.

This post clocks in at 2.5k words. The only reason I’ve written so much is because Rescreatu means/meant so much to me. For all its faults, Res somehow just works. Maybe because it encourages addictive behavior. Maybe because of the community. Whatever it is, it’s helped the site escape multiple waves of peril that would’ve killed any other. For that it deserves some applause. 

If you want to contact me, rmail me or email me at blu.moon.dragon@gmail.com. I don't bite

Peace.

[eno-o-ugh]

Questions to ask for 2020

Dear E,

HelloOoOo, its been awhile i havent do any posting here. So, just few days ago i found this set of interesting questions to ask for 2019 & 2020 but it actually quite drives me to think more towards 2020. I wanted to put it here just for fun or for my own reading in near future. Kaja! 🤩😎😏

What was one of the moments you were most proud of this year? What does that tell you about what you want to spend your energy/time/money on next year?

One of the moments is where i find myself struggling with my issue and heartbreak, but i still manage to give myself away as much as i can for people around me without mentioning about the war inside of me. Tbh, i never regret it. I still wanna be able to pour out my energy and time for people who need it because somehow it helps me too.

When were you genuinely surprised this last year?

Im genuinely surprised when Farah got engaged early January and decides to get married after raya. Because by that time i realized something which is, “This is it! Im at that phase of my life where everyone at my age will start to carry huge different commitments/responsible in their lives. And i will too” But then, one by one of my friends got engaged/married and im no longer surprised hahhaha.  

What was your best failure this year? (i.e. what thing that didn’t go well eventually taught you something critical?)

I can say that my best failure is when i dont meet their expectations of me. Like when they thought i would feel sad/pity for some issues but i didnt. Like when they thought of how my mind works/thinks in certain way but its not. No one can actually explain my thoughts/actions well. I wanted to say that they always misunderstood me, but i end up saying nothing to them and let it be. Because it is a waste of time to ever explain myself.    

What was your most overrated success? (i.e. something you thought would feel great that was sort of a let down?)

Most overrated success is when i first rent a room and live on my own. Ya, its most overrated because everyone else did it better than me and earlier than me lol. 

Who really enriched your life this year in a big way? Who is someone you want to get to know better in the year ahead?

Person who really enriched my life last year is Fatna. I can literally talk about anything with her. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Anger or disappointment. Excited or confused. Health or wealth. In seriousness or trivial. Like you can name it, anything. All of the words that come from her always knocked me to reality, gave me something to ponder upon and so solid to be ignored just like that. And for that, im so grateful to have her last year. Someone that i want to get to know better is the one that has strong soul to overcome anything on their freaking own. 

What community are you a part of right now that you find most nourishing? What kind of community are you craving?

Im in a community where everyone is struggling/surviving/working to support their lives. Some even did part time jobs to gain side income. Its probably because they have certain goals set to be achieved. Maybe to get married or they will have children or maybe just simply to support their luxury lifestyle. Its not that nourishing, but some sort of intriguing perhaps. I cant wait to be in a community that always giving/lifting/sharing with others. But right now, i understood when everyone need to be selfish and put themselves first. I hope later on everyone will come to realization that there is no use to be selfish.  

What goals—personal or professional—are you releasing in 2020?

Personal; To increase knowledge and understanding of Islam and practicing it better. Professional; To make a change in my job/add something new. 

Who did you feel most jealous of this year? What is that person up to that you want to bring more of into your own life?

On instagram, i started following artist (women) that already fully cover their aurat and have family of their own. I guess im jealous of them. Being able to be a better muslimah which is better than their previous self, a devoted wife and mother. I guess im longing for that feeling to be one of them. I’ll try my best, to practice goodness in my inner self first.   

Where and with whom were you most resentful in 2019? How can you get straight about your own needs and articulate them so you can stop feeling that shit in 2020?

Tbh, ive already make peace with it and try to forget it. But in this case, it just the matter of answering this question okie? I felt most resentful with my friends whom befriend my ex and also befriend my ex’s new girlfriend. Because they all knew it all along but no one, not even a single one of them be upfront with me and tell the truth about it. Everything just sort of unfolds by itself. Better yet, they really showed me who they truly are. It makes me wonder, whats the use of having friends who wouldnt dare to tell me the truth that i need? The way how to stop feeling that shit is to be neutral with them. Im not going to be so close yet not so distant with them anymore. I knew the boundaries better these days.   

What piece of art, movie, or book really inspired you this year?

Art; . Music; Stone // Alessia Cara. Movie; Toy Story 4. Book; The Art of Letting God

What conversation was most memorable in 2019? What made it stick with you so powerfully?

Every deep conversation that i had with my girls (Sheera, Farah, Fatna, Zatie, Zila, Aida) are so so memorable and powerful. Every. Single. One. It could be because im at my lowest of low and i took every word from them personally. I couldnt thank them enough for always listening to my rants and always try their hardest to come up with something to say when its already good enough for them to hear me out. 

If you had to articulate a mantra for 2020, what would it be?

Whatever that had happen and will happen, youve got yourself and Allah all along for better or worse.

When were you most physically joyful in 2019? How can you get there more in 2020?

I find myself physically joyful when it all in balance. Like the amount of time spent with family/friends are equal with time spent alone. I personally like that part of my life so muchhh. I guess by knowing what worth my time is how i’ll get more joy and satisfaction in 2020.

What is one question that you found yourself asking over and over again this year? What version of an answer are you living your way into?

Tbh, theres a lot of open ended questions. But none of it is repeated. I always try my hardest to control my thoughts and its not easy, i swear. But its something i need to keep doing to prevent myself from overthinking/overanalyzing every single thing especially when i know im that type of person. I have only one chance of life, and i know im not going to let myself imagine the variety versions of how my life could be. So, im just keep doing and keep going. Nothing else.   

What was the most sacred experience you had in the last decade?

Many. I could cry if i need to tell all of the story. But one of it is when i joined Farah for the usrah session at her in-law’s. During that time, i felt at utmost peace and calm being surrounded by so much purer and beautiful souls. I feel so small. I can feel my heart being the softest its ever been. I always almost cry when they read the hadith/quran translation/during halaqah/during tazkirah. I pray i get to experience it a lot more this year and spend my tears for matter like these.   

What makes you despair and what gives you hope right now?

People. Theres different type of people with different kind of character. And i will never know what their intentions in my life are whether its bad or good. But bad people will always make me despair and good people will keep on give me hope.  

[inkstainedfanfics]

Speaking from Experience

Summary: Theseus realizes something is happening between his best friend and his brother, and he does his best to encourage it.

A/N: This is based on a request but it turned out more bittersweet than the request asked for so I will probably be writing something along the same lines in the future.

Word Count: 3,230

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Tag List: @caseoffics @red-roses-and-stories @dont-give-a-bother @myrtus-amongst-the-stars @ly--canthrope @benniesgalaxy

You stand in the train station, both hands clasped around the handle of your suitcase, heart thrumming in your chest as you crane your neck and search for a familiar face. Crowds buzz around you as everyone looks for their train, a map, or their friend, but you stay firmly planted in your spot against the wall. Theseus promised he’d find you here, right next to the third pillar.

You chew on the inside of your cheek, stomach fluttering.

The crowds are thinning when you hear your name. You spin toward the caller and there he is, cheeks flushed around a giant grin.

“Theseus!” You rush forward, swinging your suitcase around him as you hug him.

He chuckles and returns your hug. “How have you been?”

Ever the gentleman, but you don’t let him act like one today. “Me? How have you been?” You step back, running your hand over a new white scar carved across the corner of his jaw. “You’re the one that was in danger.”

He shrugs, eyes dimming but holding his easy smile. “I’m still here, ready to spend a week with you.”

“And this scar? Where’d it come from?”

He touches it absentmindedly. “Nothing more than an accident.”

“Oh, Theseus, you could never lie, not when I first met you and certainly not now.” You wring your hands around the case handle. He’s a sweet man, ambitious and tough, which, when combined with his pride, means he’ll never tell you if he is hurting.

“I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I swear it.”

You just raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Ah, the curse of being the good older brother.” He laughs at your eye roll before taking your suitcase from your hands. “Speaking of brothers, Newt joined me. Said the two of you have been talking some.”

Your heart stops as Theseus steps aside to reveal his younger brother.

Newt nods at you. “Nice to see you again.”

Your mouth is dry and you can feel the heat creeping into your cheeks at just the sight of Newt. You suddenly wish you had your suitcase back if only to keep the many letters next to you and not Theseus. He doesn’t know, nor will he ever. You can’t act on feelings for his little brother. Especially when that little brother may not feel the same. No, you decide, you’ll be pleasant but kind letters are what your interactions will remain at.

“Hello, Newt.” You groan internally. So stiff, so formal, surely Theseus will notice your awkward behavior.

He doesn’t, though, as he claps Newt on the back. “Please, you can’t not hug our family friend. Think of what mother would say.”

Newt looks like a deer caught in headlights, but he clears his throat and steps toward you, arms encircling you in a warm hug that smells pleasantly of vanilla and cinnamon. Oh Merlin, the train didn’t smell nearly so good. You worry as he holds you that you reek of the train and the garlic bread you had with lunch. Every muscle tenses as you force yourself to return his hug, cursing Theseus’s oblivious nature.

Finally, Newt steps away, freckles lost in a sea of red.

Theseus nods, satisfied. “Right, now that the greetings are out of the way, we can head home. I’ve something for the both of you.”

He leads the way out, chattering away about his travels back: the people he met, the places he saw, the dragons he trained. Oh, the adventures he had. You just wish you could find it in yourself to listen; your best friend deserves no less, but any time you try to listen, you find your mind wandering to Newt’s smile and the curious smile on his lips when he stepped away from the hug. Perhaps… well it could mean…

“Are you in wonderland?”

You snap your head up to meet Theseus’s glimmering eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m just a bit tired.”

He continues forward. “Just a little farther before we’re there. Though perhaps my little brother would carry you if you asked kindly.”

Both you and Newt fall over yourselves talking: no, that’s fine,

if you’d like,

don’t want to be a bother,

Impossible,

Please don’t worry.

Theseus laughs again as he turns onto another road that’s far more familiar. “The way you two talk, you’d think you were fifth years on your first date. Now come along, we’re here. Mum will be ecstatic that you’ve come. She misses having other women in the house. Newt and I’ve always been a bit on the tough side of parenting.”

Mrs. Scamander receives you with a rush of hugs and ‘welcomes’ and cookies. “Please, darling, I’ve baked too many to let them just go to waste! Have one.”

You accept three cookies before managing to kick Theseus’s ankle under the table enough to have him usher you from the room.

“You’ll be staying in the guest room as always.” He sets your suitcase gently on the ground then runs his hand through his dark hair. “Anything else I can get you?”

You glance around the tiny room. Everything’s in place: a glass of water, some medicines in case of late night headaches, bed made with the coziest of sheets, and a lamp set up on the desk for reading after hours. Theseus knows everything you could need and everything about you.

Except for one thing.

You swallow. “No, this is perfect, thank you.”

“You know you dodged my question earlier.” Theseus leans against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been missing you. Who else is going to valiantly save me from a lamppost?”

“I mistook that for a beast one time.”

“One time is more than enough to tease you for it.”

“Oh, I’ll keep that under advisement Ms. Let-me-break-your-nose.”

You scowl at his smirk. “I thought there was a mosquito.”

“At least we learned you’ve a bloody good punch.”

“Oh go away.”

He grins. “I should go see my mum. She’ll want to continue bragging about me to me. I’ll see you once she finishes if you’re still up.”

“Try not to get too big of an ego down there.”

“It’ll be a challenge.”

With the flash of another grin, he’s gone. You hum to yourself as you start unpacking your clothes into various drawers of the dresser, remembering the times you’ve spent here with Theseus. The time you “killed” him when he drank a potion you made (out of a sprinkle of dirt, some water, and a teaspoon of almond extract) and he turned into a troll. Then there was the time you thrashed him in chess, and he had to carry you around all day. Not to mention when, seventh year, you’d come here after graduation and spent your first night over in the guest room, waking up to find him prepped for a hike.

He’s been there for you at your lowest points, too. He’d brought you a mug of hot chocolate when he found you crying over a lost friendship with someone else, and when he’d learned you might fail a class, he spent hours of his time tutoring you. Theseus is the best friend anyone could ask for, and he’s yours and you’ll forever be grateful for that day on the Hogwarts Express when he’d asked to join him in a compartment after noticing your nervous smile.

His sweet nature is exactly why you’ll never date Newt, no matter how cute his smile may be or how articulate he is or how passionate and caring he is toward the creatures he helps his mother care for. No, Newt’s strictly off limits for you. You decide that even as you lift the stack of letters he has sent you over the past year and hide them under a sweater. Newt’s just a friend and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Theseus already has an inkling of what’s going on, has since he returned home to find Newt a nervous wreck. He’d assumed at first that Newt had simply been worrying over his safety like mother, but Newt still paced the kitchen tiles long after Theseus made himself at home and, when Theseus mentioned going to pick you up, Newt had stopped pacing, pressed two fingers to his lips for a moment before trying to casually ask to accompany him. Theseus barely managed to drag Newt from the house unwillingly, let alone convince his brother to agree to come, but he’d said yes. Then Newt hugged you at the station. That simple act nearly solidified it for Theseus, made him certain of what was happening. Newt’s penchant for hugging is far lesser than Theseus’s or his mother’s.

Theseus leans the chair at the kitchen table back, hand roaming across the scar on his jaw. You’d noticed it right away, useless worry evident in your eyes. He’d almost grinned at that alone, your silly worry over him, as though he would break his promise to return to finish your chess game.

It’s easier that way, easier to live with what he’s seen, easier to move on.

He shuts his eyes, taking in measured breaths to calm himself. There’s no getting worked up, not when you’re upstairs sleeping and mum’s in the room nearby, not when little Newt could walk in and be worried. Strong. Brave. Tough. Be an older brother, Scamander. Take care of them all.

He’s just letting out the last breath, mind focused on the patter of a light rain against the windows when Newt steps in and flicks on the lights.

“Oh, you’re here.”

He takes a final breath before painting on a grin and facing Newt. “I am. Aren’t you supposed to be asleep? Mum would have a fit if she knew you’re up.”

Newt waves a hand. “She can’t do anything.”

“That’s what you think now, but she’s quite persuasive, even old as she may be.”

“Yes, well, don’t let her hear you say that. Tea?”

“No, no, I’m all right, thank you.”

The kitchen falls silent save for the sounds of Newt working around the oven and the raindrops splattering open outside. It’s a comfortable silence, Theseus finds. One he can almost relax in, so different from the constant roars and snorts of dragons, the screams of men running from a hungry one, the sound of both curses and bullets breaking around him.

“Something wrong?”

Theseus looks up, slowly unclenching his hands from the edge of the table. “No, nothing.”

“You sure?”

Theseus slides the ring you’d bought him long ago—the one with a dragon curling around it—from his finger, twisting it in his finger, a nervous habit he can’t quite quit. “Of course. How about you, little brother? Something wrong with you?”

“Not a thing.”

“You sure? Not even a problem with someone in this house?”

Newt’s cheeks flame. “Course not.”

“Mmmhmmm. So you weren’t just upstairs in my friend’s room talking about Merlin knows what creature?”

Newt stares at his tea, knowing Theseus knows. “You did say she’s a family friend.”

He grins. “Seems I’ve missed a lot since I left.”

“Too many of mum’s bragging sessions.”

“And the blossoming friendship of my best friend and my little brother. I must say, I thought you’d be too busy to view anyone that way.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Newt mumbles, sipping his tea.

“Oh please, you can’t bullshit your brother.”

“I don’t see how this is any of your business.��� Newt’s knuckles pale around the mug’s handle, but Theseus doesn’t stop pushing. Merlin knows if anyone deserves a happy ending, it’s his brother, and he won’t stop until he gives it to him.

“Your happiness isn’t my business?”

“No, not anymore.”

Theseus leans back in his chair, foot tapping a slow beat against the ground as he sizes up his brother. “You know she fancies you too.”

Newt’s eyes widen an inch at the confession, but he says nothing except, “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“When will you finally learn to trust my judgement?”

“As soon as you earn some common sense,” Newt shoots back with a ghost of a smile.

“And here I thought one of us was making smart decisions all these years.”

The rain pounds against the window as Newt takes another sip of his tea. The two let the room rest in the silence. Theseus watches his brother, wondering if the kid will have the guts to do what he never could, to face something seemingly insurmountable. No, brave, strong, tough, older brother Theseus never set the proper example for his brother. He shuts his eyes, thinking back to the person he knew in war, the person no longer here, a memory he can’t hold onto anymore. She’d given him a chance, a way to stay his happy self as much as possible during the horrid early mornings, the late-night dragon flights, and the afternoon dragon feeding sessions that often left sweat drenching his clothes. They’d take early morning walks and talk with one another, admitting things the others around him couldn’t hear. She’d understood him in a way he knew only you did. She hadn’t judged him when he admitted his fear at leaving Newt behind, not teased him when he told her about the near paralysis that gripped him some early mornings when he woke up with the image of his little brother dying fresh in his mind from an unescapable nightmare.

She always had a joke ready on those walks, and a challenge ready hours later to distract him later when they around the rest of the troops. A wonder, she was, someone brilliant in a dark time. A person he took a scar for. A person he sorely misses and now always will knowing she never knew how he thought of her.

He clears his throat before the tears can come. “Don’t let yourself regret this, Newt. She’s a wonder, and you’d do well together.”

Newt says nothing, so Theseus pushes his chair back.

It screeches against the tiles, leaving a heavy silence Theseus only breaks for two sentences.

“You have my blessing, not that you need it. Make the right choice, Newt, make the one I didn’t.”

Theseus leaves Newt no time to ask what he means, no time to even open his mouth before he stalks out of the room and up to his bed, falling down and letting that wound open up.

You jolt up when the door creaks open, hand grappling for your wand under your pillow. “Who’s there?” You ask, voice slurred with sleep.

“Just me.” Newt replies, hands raised.

“Newt?” You rub your eyes, sitting up as much you can, too tired to be embarrassed by the ratty tee you’re wearing.

“Mind if I sit for a minute? I won’t keep you awake for long.”

“Sure, sure.” You say, blinking to wake yourself up.

He drags your chair in front of your bed, sitting in front of you and lighting three candles on the desk. He faces you in silence for a moment, taking in your blinking, bleary expression before he talks. “I’d like to take you out one day.”

“Mmm.” You say, still only half-conscience. “I think Theseus has supper planned tomorrow.” The clock on the wall says it’s midnight. Asleep for two hours, then. Lovely.

“No,” Newt says, expression intensely focused as he plays with the hem of your sheet. “I mean I want to take you out with just me.”

Your heavy eyelids threaten to close, but something in Newt’s face holds them open. “Just us?” Merlin, why couldn’t he have asked in the morning? Your head droops down, but a wave of terror sends it shooting up, and you realize Newt was saying something. “Hold on.”

You stand, padding across the room to get the water Theseus left you. Three large gulps help wake you up some, unfortunately also making you acutely aware of the time and the man in your room. You tug on the bottom of your shirt, covering the thin line of skin showing. You swallow another mouthful of water before setting it down a bit more forcefully than necessary, only a little sleep draining out with the motion. You’re still groggy, but you’re out of water.

“Okay, what were you saying?”

Newt grins up at you, wonder in his eyes, as you stumble back toward him and sit on the bed. “I want to take you out one day.”

“Like… on a date?”

He laughs softly, hand reaching for yours but dropping to his side before he takes yours. “Yes.”

“Oh.” It’s dumb, you know. You should be saying something more, but you have to cover a yawn, and you can’t think of anything to say. Isn’t this supposed to be romantic? Aren’t you supposed to say something intelligent and witty that he laughs at and kisses your nose for? Oh Merlin, aren’t you supposed to do something in this situation?

Newt starts for your hand again but stops, instead drumming a fast beat against his knee. “So?”

“So what?”

Despite the stress weighing him down, he smiles again. “Could I take you on a date tomorrow night?”

Your motions are heavy, clumsy actions that seem to be weighed down by lead. Still, you reach out and brush his cheek, making sure he’s real. He can’t be, can he? Newt can’t be asking you out.

“But Theseus.”

“You can thank him or punch him for this later. I’d prefer an answer before that.”

“This isn’t a dream?” The fog of sleep is rapidly lifting now as you force yourself to process his words, his meaning.

“This isn’t a dream, I promise.”

When you brush your hand across his cheek again, he catches it and holds it in his, unfolding it to trace a line in your palm before meeting your eyes, lip caught between his teeth. “So is this a yes or a no?”

The words unravel you, pick apart at that knot of worry and reserve. If Theseus thought of this, perhaps it isn’t forbidden. Maybe, just maybe, you can say yes. And maybe it’s this thought speaking or maybe it’s the sleep speaking, but you nod.

“Yes. Yes, a date would be great.”

Newt’s grin spreads slowly across his face, lit only by the warm candlelight. “Dinner tomorrow, then.”

“I can’t wait.” You say with as much enthusiasm as you can muster, the exhaustion quickly taking back over.

Newt runs a finger over the line in your palm one more time before lifting it to his lips briefly. When he sets your hand back in your lap, he stands.

“Sorry for waking you.”

“No, don’t apologize. Not for this. Not after so long.” The final words splinter apart, broken by a yawn.

Newt grins and returns your chair to where it belongs. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

You nod slowly, wondering if what just happened was a dream as your eyes threaten to remain closed when you next blink. “In the morning.” You slur.

Newt blows out the candles and leaves, and you try to make a mental note to hug Theseus again when you see him.

That meddlesome, silly, brave man you love with all your heart has earned himself much more than just a hug, but you’ll deal with that in the morning.

[cafephan]

the danny situation/explaining my hatred of april 1st

okay here’s a post i never thought i’d be typing up. i can count on one hand with fingers to spare, how many people know this story, and none of them are family members or anyone i have any form of contact with anymore. yet here i am sharing it with the internet, but i feel like i need to articulate it and note it down somewhere rather than still trying to repress it even years later when it’s clearly not working and recently it keeps coming to haunt me more than ever

just a pre-warning some of you are going to think i’m pathetic for this still affecting me and will think it’s no big deal and it’s not worth posting about but i think it’s important for myself to finally just write it all down, judge me if you want i’ve gotten enough of it before

so, i’m wildly unattractive, i don’t feel as if i have to prove that to anyone. and if highschool movies have taught us anything about the typical ugly girl, what is it? that they always end up crushing on the cute guy (obviously this is a cliche movie trope and doesn’t apply to real life except it did to me, very much so). 

i considered changing his name for the purpose of this, but no like what’s the point. his name was danny and he was in my form group for the duration of the five years of secondary school, meaning we saw each other every day. he was also in my maths group (shout out to other people in set three, forever average) and little old me just used to fawn over him and not so subtly stare at him the entire time. though, having no friends, nobody was there to call me out on it, which looking back is both a blessing and a curse. 

like i said, i’m wildly unattractive now, so take a moment to imagine me in 2008. puppy fat aplenty, the chubbiest cheeks you ever did see and resting bitch face (which still hasn’t left me). i was a mess. but i saw danny as some kind of god - which he definitely wasn’t, i hate myself for ever thinking that lmao - and though i was always terrified to try and strike up conversation, it never stopped me smiling whenever he looked my way (we were only one person apart in the register too which helped in assemblies) and the odd times he did the polite thing and smiled back i would practically melt on the spot. 

the not so subtle crushing continued for four years, which takes us to our second-to-last year of secondary school. for some reason i had been forced to do a resistant materials gcse because i was apparently in ‘the cream of the crop’ in my year group throughout the past years’ DT (design and technology) classes, and still to this day i have no fucking idea why they put me in there because all i did was use the sanding machine. but anyway, DT god danny was also on the course, and he noticed me struggling with literally every part of it that wasn’t done on computers and took to helping me with little tasks alongside his own projects and unsurprisingly i was internally screaming because oh my god our hands just brushed on the desk vice and other cringeworthy shit like that which i’ve probably used in an early fic or two. there’s nothing more really to note on that year just remember that he started being nice then. another thing worth saying is that this is the year i started to wear a bit of makeup and when i came to maths class one day with pale eyeshadow on, he said that he didn’t like it and so i never wore it again (you should never change yourself for anyone, if something makes you feel good then you keep doing it okay, you dont need anyone else’s validation, i just wish younger kirsten knew and believed that)

the year after is where things happen so it’s late february 2013, and i came home from my grandparents’ house to find a new message in my facebook inbox. without being dramatic because this literally happened, i swear my breath caught in my throat because danny had just messaged me saying ‘hey babe’ i remember it distinctly, and i squealed into a pillow. i replied immediately, then flopped back on my bed wondering why this had happened, there’s never been anything appealing about me either in appearance or personality, so the reason why was a mystery, but i was so wrapped up in being completely head over heels heart eyes i didn’t really give it a second thought, because he replied a second or two later with another pet name.

these casual messages with petnames continued all through march and stupidly i started saying petnames back (which in itself is a reason to repress this whole thing), and on march 31st we were chatting and suddenly he says ‘can we skype tomorrow?’ and i literally cried, i was so happy. i’d heard girls in school talking about skyping with boys and a small very petty part of me wanted to be one of them and i felt as if i just might have the chance. obviously i said yes and we both logged off.

aaaaaaaand around rolls april 1st. the lovely lovely holiday of april fools day. what a fucking delight. 

i’m sure you can see where this is going, right?

so i dressed up nice and waited for the skype call to come through, and when it does i desperately try to calm myself down, and look to the ground and take deep breaths. my blood ran cold when i heard multiple boys’ laughter coming from the other end of the call. there were six of them, including danny.

without even addressing i was there (obviously they knew i was there) they started reading out the messages that it turns out they had been taking turns to send to me from his account, and put on a really high pitched voice reading my responses. 

(sidenote: i’m genuinely crying right now as i write this i’m sorry if there’s any typos from now on my vision’s gone blurry)

when they finally finished - i don’t know why i didn’t end the fucking call myself, i was just frozen out of fear and embarrassment and mortification i guess - they all burst into laughter, danny laughing probably the loudest. i was crying, and i opened my mouth to say something, but i was crying too heavily. this caused them to laugh louder, and one of them said “and even now she can’t fucking say anything, freak.” they laugh again and one of danny’s friends leaned in close to the webcam. “did you honestly think he liked you?” he asked, and i stupidly nodded, because at some point i’d let myself believe it, again because i had no friends to tell me how stupid and dodgy the whole thing was. 

then his friend went back and danny himself leaned in close. “april fools” he said with a horrible grin and blew a kiss to the webcam before the call ended, and i. fucking. lost. it. 

still to this day, i don’t think i ever cried that much. i had panic attack after panic attack, i didn’t get any sleep, and nothing could calm me down. it still holds the top spot of worst night of my life, and trust me it’s had many many challengers for that title since.

the next day, because i shut myself off from the internet that night, i woke up to three new facebook messages. from three of his friends who were on the call with him. ‘happy april fools, sweetheart’ one of them said, ‘i can’t believe you thought you had any chance with him lol nice try darling’ said another, and the final read ‘just kill yourself already. babe’. all petnames ‘danny’ used at one point.

so that is the reason i beg you all to not send any form of prank on april fools day to me. because it brings back the memory of that. every april 1st i cry myself to sleep, and though i know you all mean well, any involvement with that holiday, no matter how small, sets me off. 

this incident is the reason i couldn’t accept compliments in the early days, long time followers will remember, i’m sure. this incident is the reason i’ve not been able to have crushes on anyone. i’ve never let myself because in the back of my mind i’m always worrying things will turn out the same way. if i start to feel anything for anyone i back away and leave them alone completely. this incident is the reason i struggle to form friendships. tied in with the bullying and the fact i had no friends to teach me what friendship was, naturally.

in case you were wondering, danny’s engaged now, he’s happy. i think i saw on facebook they’re trying for a baby. which is good for them, but i can’t help but feel like it’s not fair. he’s off playing happy families and living life whilst i’m still here suffering from a stupid fucking prank when he knew full well i was crushing on him.

it was only three years ago, so i suppose it’s understandable, and i’m in a much better place with myself now than i was which helps, but it’s something that’s really etched itself into my brain and is still affecting me to a certain degree. i feel like now i’ve typed it all up, i might be able to sleep easy, it does feel as if a huge weight has been lifted. plus, i think i’ve made allusions to this story before various times but none of you pried about it which i really appreciate, you’re all so incredibly lovely and i can’t thank you enough.

so there’s the danny story and the reason i hate april fools’ day.

if you read this far, then thank you, and if you think i’m overreacting still, you’re more than entitled to your opinion, i’ve been judged on many things before and what’s one more to add to the list by this point. 

i love you all very much and hope you have a great rest of your day and i’m sorry if this dampened anyone’s mood in any way. i hope this has given you a little more insight to me, i don’t know why it would’ve but who knows. sorry.

xx

[ferriskilldeer]

from this ask meme

What does your character typically keep in their pockets? nothing. pockets must be free in case he wants to put things in them later :)

Do they consider themselves an optimist? Pessimist? Realist? What are they like in actuality? considers himself a realist. he’s mostly a pessimist, with some optimistic ideas about the people of barovia.

How do they carry themselves around strangers? Friends/Lovers? Family? always polite. a bit less sincere, more ingratiating around strangers. shy and mild around friends. tired around family.

If your character was a work of art, how would you describe them? oil painting -  tenebrism - isolated - articulate - cavernous despair

How does your character express they're comfortable? willing to close his eyes or at least lower his lids, relaxing his posture, asking personal questions of someone else

How does your character express that they're uncomfortable? wide, unblinking eyes and a rictus grin, quiet voice with less inflection. whats quickly becoming a catchphrase: “dont say things like that”/”oh x you shouldnt say things like that”

How impulsive is your character? not too much, but in the heat of the moment he makes some dumb decisions

What is something they cannot resist? cleaning and wine

What is their favorite scent? fresh laundry or fresh water, fruits

If they were in a rock band, what role would they play? bass guitar or keys

How does your character blow off steam? he decompresses a little by fussing over his companions’ appearances

Physically, does your character feel warm or do they always feel cold? cold-natured, but heats up quickly with drink or embarrassment

If they were a body of water, what would they be? pond

Does your character value promises? Are they good at keeping them? yes and yes

Describe their ideal date. something quiet and respectable--a public place where they can enjoy a private conversation. a quick but interesting meal before or after. escorting them to their home and bidding them goodnight. laying awake and giddy for hours afterward

What keeps them going? he’s not built for anything else

Does your character swear? What's their favorite phrase/word? he tends to swear because i do, and “fuck” slips in as a sentence enhancer a lot. if i played it completely straight he wouldn’t swear as much, especially in front of people he thinks are his social “betters”

How does your character act when they want to seem inviting? pleasant, servile, and charitable

How does your character act when they want to seem threatening? he hasn’t tried this yet. probably gets cold, toneless, and petty

Can your character flirt? Are they aware they're flirting? How do they do it? he flirts through compliments or friendly gestures, but gets embarrassed and immediately backs down from it 

If they were a potion, what would it look like? (Color, glass shape, smell, etc.) something light and translucent, maybe green or pink, in a fine-cut clear glass decanter sealed with red wax. smells of soap and blood.

What kind of person would they never side with? the ruthless, the hungry, the unrepentant, the narcissistic

Would your character want to be famous? Why or why not? hell no--he must never be in the spotlight

What's a controversial food opinion they would have? he loves weird combinations. totally a “x on pizza” or “dip your nugs in y” type

How does your character feel about spending money? he’s frugal for himself, but generous when it comes to spending on others

What would they want for their funeral? he wants everyone he knows to come, he wants no one to come, he wants to be cremated, he wants no speeches, he wants a thousand tears, he wants no one to notice he died at all.

If they were a ghost, how would they haunt in the afterlife? funny: would clean up after the living and help out around the house. less funny: plaintive scratching at closed doors, cold spots, sounds of pacing, banging cabinet doors in a bid for attention

Why do they keep secrets? he’s ashamed of being alive

What does your character have too much of? shame and anxiety

What never gets old for your character? Something your character can't get enough of? new food and external validation 

Can your character visualize actual concepts in their head? Or are they just vague thoughts? yes, strong third eye

Does your character daydream? What do they usually keep their mind occupied with? he doesnt daydream often. often goes over lists of supplies, chores, sensations to occupy his mind if he starts to get too anxious

How do they feel about the unknown? frustrating and scary, but cant be helped

How do they respond to condescension? part tight, teeth-grinding fury, part resignation/agreement, self-loathing

Do they consider themselves childish/mature for their age? he’s always thought himself mature. but actually, his self-denial and black-and-white judgment of himself is a bit childish

What makes them blush? impropriety of any kind, and being complimented in any way

What are some ways your character acts silly? makes weird offhand remarks about birds, responding seriously to the overly creepy things others say

What fairytale/myth suits your character the best? the nightingale and the rose prob

What does your character believe their party lacks? power and, if hes honest, a fighting chance

Describe a corruption/redemption arc version of your character. the letter opener demands more and he gives more because hes always been a servant, and himself for the chance at beating strahd and saving ireena+barovia is hardly a price at all. i guess the letter opener eats his soul or something and he becomes cold, driven, and megalomaniacal. probably scares the others and eventually they part ways--perhaps violently, since ismark and marceline dont suffer any sort of disrespect or threat lightly. could only be redeemed if someone can convince him that he doesnt have to bear all the responsibility, and that theyd rather have their normal squishy ferris over an insane powerhouse. hed have to sacrifice himself/his power in some important way to make up for it though, if he did something really bad

What's a texture/sound your character cannot stand? dislikes ripping+scraping sounds, and chunky gloopy textures

Is there something your character isn't very good at, but enjoys doing nonetheless? talking about wine

Is your character good at apologizing? Why or why not? yes because hes very tactful

How do they hold onto people? physically? clasp a shoulder, grab an arm with one hand, or hold on to the fabric at the small of their back. 

What would they never forgive themselves for? killing an innocent person or doing something purely selfish

How does your character feel about growing old? fine, he just wishes hed wasted less time

Do they consider themselves funny? How do they use humor? he doesnt think hes especially funny, but gets a big confidence boost when someone laughs at his jokes, which he uses to defuse tension or establish a rapport

What do they want to leave behind? he just wants to forget his time at cobblepot manor. and he doesnt

Do they talk to themselves? sometimes mutters when hes annoyed

What is their native language? If they know multiple languages, how do they speak/act differently? he knows a lot, but the further they get from elvish or common, the more formal and archaic they get

What makes them a hypocrite? though he holds high standards for himself and others, he relaxes his standards for others quickly (“oh what did i expect anyway, im the responsible one here”). also will decry needless violence or murder, even though he murdered his boss brutally in the guy’s sleep

If your character was under quarantine, what type of quarantine person would they be? (Productive? Hobbyist? Lazy?) very productive. flits to new hobbies quickly

What does freedom mean to them? confusion, terror, excitement. its the only thing that would make him really happy, and he doesnt want it

What is something they currently look forward to? What is something they dread? look forward to getting a reward from the burgomaster. dread seeing strahd again

How has your character's mental health been recently? not great! but hes been holding it together because marceline is already upset and ismark is volatile. theres not room for his feelings.

If your character had wings what would they look like? sleek, pointy, fast-flying, well-preened, earth tones. falcon for efficiency, owl for discretion, or towhee for smallness

How does the way they act seemingly contradict their ability scores? very high cha abilities that he rarely uses, since marceline and ismark are more assertive. notably an intimidation score higher than marceline’s and equal to ismark’s that he would probably never use

What's a habit that needs to be broken? he needs to learn how to aim eldritch blast (i need to roll better)

What's something your character has realized? hes fucked

Who do they go to when they need to bounce ideas off of someone? suggests things to marceline and ismark (the other PCs), but makes a point to ask ireena (DMPC) what she thinks

Who do they go to when they've had a nightmare? nobody

Who does your character think is the most put together in the party? marceline or himself

Which party member would they pull a prank on? Who would they plan a prank with? ismark; marceline or ireena

What is one thing they want each party member to know? marceline: no matter where you come from or what youve done, youre a precious ally and friend to me. we are all unhappy here, so please just try to play along. ismark: you need a goal beyond protecting ireena and killing strahd because if you achieve those goals then youll be left adrift. and you deserve better. please stop yelling at, lying to, or trying to fight everyone we meet. ireena: you deserve more than life dealt you. as long as you live, there is hope for you. youre loved and protected by a lot of people, and its a happy burden.

Which do they value more?

65. Adoration or Intimidation? adoration

66. Outward Passion or Quiet Rebellion? quiet rebellion

67. Selflessness or Self-Preservation? selflessness

68. Objective or Subjective? objective

69. Journey or Destination? wishes he could say journey, but its destination