#i suck at writing but meh
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The Stars Have Fallen to Earth, Can You Imagine That?
Tanned skin. White hair. Dark eyes. Their gaze moves slow, steady, makes its way to the window of a subway car. In the brief moment it passes by, a small head with black hair peeks through.
There was no eye contact. But they knew the other was there. On some subconscious level, as if their very essence were attuned to one another.
A rumble. The car trembles. Then it shakes. Suddenly it's been thrown off the course of eternity and into a place of being known.
The subway crashes into solid ground.
A dreaming boy wakes up.
Miles away, a priestess known for denying god staggered in her footsteps. Another migraine. Another message.
Accompanied, for the first time, by an earthquake.
Huh. New.
The priestess picks up a pen and paper and rushes to a place hidden in darkness.
A young man, hair and eyes as dim as night alight with stars, is waiting for her at the door to a beautiful home. He walks her to a sitting room, tables set to the tone of a business meeting as if that was what this was.
Business as usual.
Of course. It is.
He has a message about this world’s newest arrival. And…a request.
She says this looking towards a man known for his wit and wile. Brown eyes saturated to a dulcet red. Blood red hair. Clothes fitting and comfortable.
He was on vacation.
Was.
The note warned first and foremost that nobody would hear from the god for a while. Apparently bringing stars down from the sky costs quite a bit. Well, that was what the note said, but the one reading it did not know its meaning yet.
The note then told them that the epicenter of that earthquake was near his home, and the damage to the forest should not be too drastic, since the cause was made of stardust and dream remnants and memories far too old to recall anymore. It should fade with time, as all memories do. By then it will return to creation and merge with the forest. Again, the reader did not know what that meant. He could only guess some things.
But the last lines caught his attention. For two reasons.
The first being the mention of a child. Far too young and far too ancient for all that it has seen. The second reason being that this god made a request. Not some mission with a reward. Not some threat or warning with a clue as to how these mortals would react. A genuine request he could choose to ignore completely without consequence since the god was indisposed. A sincere gesture for help that does not involve favors or world-blaming calamities.
This being known for death asked a single mortal to save a helpless existence.
And for once the person reading it did not think about rejecting it at all.
He could be annoyed about it, something crashlanding into his forest, but…
There’s a kid that needs help first, we can yell at god for throwing him here later.
Do you think the plotting protagonist kept a library with stories of others like him? Of dying worlds and forgotten names and tired heroes who made too many mistakes?
Edited, bc I have had a title for it and I just didn't change the post for some reason.
#its funny because kim dokja knows death like he knows his protagonist#its also funny bc yjh is an embodiment of death while also being the one to never know eternal rest#I think he and GoD know what it is to truly yearn for real death#which kinda hit me hard when i thought about it#these tags are weird but yk#im learning#maybe kdj would have all his memories#or maybe not#idk#i suck at writing but meh#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#kim dokja#trash of the count's family#lout of the count’s family#cale henituse#secretive plotter#yoo joonghyuk#god of death tcf#EDITED AGAIN bc I forgot to mention this was a fic now???#My name is the same on ao3 if you're interested??#It's not very good tho srry
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The crooked, creaky door of the cluttered infirmary storage room pushes open and slams shut in the span of a second, just barely allowing someone to dart through. Nico jumps, banging his head on the shelf he’s hiding under, chomping full force on his lip to bite back a shout. The shadows, on lucky reflex, bend around him and shroud his face. The rest of him he tucks further into the forgotten corner between two filing cabinets, holding his breath.
Under the unflattering light of the single swinging lightbulb, Will looks dull.
A thin headband attempts to hold back his frizzy hair, although it does very little. Curls stick out oddly and many shorter hairs are plastered to his temples and the back of his neck. His skin is unusually lacklustre, even pale, except for the high flush around his cheekbones. The bruising under his eyes rivals Nico’s. He has been wearing the same scrubs for the last two days.
With one last look at the closed door, nothing but garbled voices filtering through the heavy wood, he slumps. He drops his face into his chapped and bleeding hands, heels pressed into his eyes, and holds them there for ten seconds, twenty. Slowly, with trembles so minute they are at first glance unnoticeable, his shoulders begin to shake. The long fingers flexed and tensed around his forehead curl tightly, and he twitches, whole body trembling, teeth sunk hard into his bottom lip to stop his chin from quivering.
It does not work.
The first sob is quiet. He catches it quickly, forcing it back down, breathing heavily through his nose and out his mouth to beat it back. The second follows quickly, though, and it’s harder to choke down. When his face crumples, his resolve goes with it, and his knees hit the floor, sharp crack swallowed by the stillness of the room. He curls forward until his nose nearly hits his knees, hands sliding through his hair and over his ears and settling finally clutching together in the dip of his chest, bouncing with every heave of his chest. It’s quiet, his crying, enough that every dropped tear can be heard as it hits the dusty floor. The only time his sobs are ever audible is when he opens his mouth, trying desperately to soak up enough air to catch himself, to carry himself through.
Mute horror holds Nico’s tongue hostage.
He’d escaped in here the second Will had been called away this morning, dragged for the umpteenth time to handle a crashing patient or a complicated hymn or to soothe someone’s nerves. For the past two days he’s been doing his best to monitor Nico and a handful of other front liners who’d exhausted themselves in battle, but his focus has been split and the infirmary has been crowded. Whenever he runs off to put out whatever fire had cropped up — sometimes literally — the whispers start, the glances, the skin crawling up Nico’s back. Nico can hardly tell anymore what’s the shadows and what’s the people around him, watching him out of the corners of their eyes like they’re waiting for him to bust out a scythe and a black hooded cloak and start reaping.
The storage room is supposed to be an escape. Out of the way and forgotten as it is, it is supposed to be the place he can hide for an hour, escape the heavy gaze of the rest of the camp, collect himself before braving it all again.
Clearly, though, he’s not the only one who thinks so.
There’s something disorienting about seeing Will Solace cry. In the few times Nico has spoken with him during his visits to camp, he’s been a barely-contained explosion of energy, whether talking Nico’s ear off with updates about people he barely knows and references he hardly understands or cussing him out for overextending himself. He’s used — as much as he can be to someone he’s only beginning to really get to know — to his wildly flailing hands and widely playful grin, his loud drawling voice, his painful, constant brightness.
His hands, now, clench until they’re bloodless, trembling. There is no hint of his wide smile or twinkling eyes, because his face is hidden by all the hair that his given up on the pretence of the hairband, and the only sound from him are his gasping breaths and swallowed-back sobs. Nico watches him because he cannot look away. He flinches because every cry, every rough, scraping inhale, sounds like shattering rock, like an iceberg breaking off a glacier.
A quiet beeping startles them both.
For a stretch of time Will is motionless. The beeping continues, steady and soft, bouncing off the cluttered shelves and fading before they echo. After the third round — and Nico counts, if anything for something to do besides watch the chafed skin on Will’s hands crack and bleed with every flex — he drags himself upright, nails drawing lines in the thick dust of the floorboards, and rests back on his heels. He breathes for a moment, shuddering, hands pressed flat to his face; in, beep, beep, beep; out, beep, beep, beep. None of his breaths are ever steady, but he wastes no more time, swiping under his eyes and pinching his cheeks to restore his face to some of its usual colour. He grips onto each board of the shelf to his right as he yanks himself upwards, hand over hand, until he’s stretched, finally, to stand, although there remains a slouch to his broad shoulders.
The beeping continues, emanating from the watch on his left hand, growing softer or louder as he trails his fingers over the shelves from one end to the other, from the first, the second, the third. He pauses finally on a collection of bottles, turning them carefully to read the labels, then tucks them each gently into his already bulging pockets until he is left with what he must carry between his fingers.
The shadows bend to cover Nico again as Will turns, unknowingly facing him, and pulls himself suddenly straight-backed, chin set high, shoulders squared. He smiles, wide, fractured, squinting his eyes deliberately. The beeping stops. He breathes, in, smile, out, nod, and turns, striding, back to the door, opening it with flourish and swiping the dust off his clothes.
“Found them! Sorry it took so long, I really had to look —”
The door swings shut behind him, cutting off the rest of his sentence.
Nico stares at it with bile churning in his too-empty stomach.
———
art by the incredible @clingonlikeclingwrap
#will i ever come back and resolve this? who knows! right now i just wanted to inflict sorrow#sorry will you’re a good vessel#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#hoo#heroes of olympus#pjo hoo toa#nico di angelo#will solace#nico di angelo & will solace#solangelo#will solace angst#angst#hurt no comfort#my writing#fic#longpost#sigh everythint i do seems some meh and lacklustre lately#how unfortunate#maybe i’m losing my touch that would suck so bad#we’ll have to see
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if i have to write abt macarthur i will kms
#txt#i know when he was sacked and how long he spent in japan#and why he was sacked#i just dont want to write abt him#because he sucks#OHHHH IMAGINE IF THERES AN IKE FOREIGN POLICY QUESYION I CAN BRING UP BRINKSMANSHIP#and if theres an ike civil rights question i can bring up nixon actually... rubs hands rigether#heres how i can still win#i could feasibly bring him up in truman ike AND jfk questions#depending on what part of their presidencies theyre on#but well... he was there#idk abt lbj yet but maybe i could fivure something out#the sabotaged peace talk... meh#itd be a stretch to bring that up just to bring nixon in#oh well whatevrr#i need to sleep#us presidents
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why does each new season give me interesting crumbs in between annoying writing choices?
I finally watched the new season of tdp (didn't even know it was out) and I gotta say whatever writers left should come back please
episode one was extremely stale, maybe it's largely because I don't like how they've been writing Rayla and Callum's relationship, but it felt so forced and unnecessary of an episode all to force a "I trust her unconditionally" type of plot that doesn't even work with the information she's been hiding from Callum. Like why even hide what happened to her parents and Runaan? By now everyone is mostly aware of why the Moonshadow elves put the hit on Harrow, Rayla has been forgiven for her part in it. What purpose did that serve to the narrative other than to force the unconditional trust point that episode. A point that could have been done using the pirate town and her potentially having an arrest warrant from there, causing friction between the humans that still don't trust elves and Callum who doesn't ask her about the warrant, merely trusts that there is a good reason for it. I did really like Domina Profundis' design from the episode and I am still salty about the crap with the elf and human camp from the previous season and had to be reminded of it when Karim appeared.
episode two was better because of Claudia and Terry. Terry is great for her, love him for that, but I do dislike how much he shifts the tone during Claudia's scene considering she seems to be either being set up to stay a permanent enemy or perhaps episode nine will be her rock bottom before taking a different path. Also love all the shit going on in Viren's mind palace, poor guy needs a break.
episode three was interesting. I like the slow set up with Karim working towards taking back the kingdom via his first follower. I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amaya but it's Amaya and really hard not to like her. it does seem like tone is a difficult thing for the series to balance, and even by episode three it felt like whiplash at times between implied horrible thing and poop jokes.
episode four was probably the best of the first half of the season. It was so obvious that the book drop was going to be used as a makeshift fortress to keep out the corrupted banthers. However the episode just got laughable when the library became overrun with them. Would have been nice and cool of them to turn it into more of a zombie movie-esque situation and have corrupted elves and other animals appear, maybe even a dragon. also a little confused on how fast the corruption is supposed to work but hey, for plot reasons we need Zubeia to not become completely infected instantly, instead draw it out for several days/episodes for drama (same as the drama of whether or not Amaya and Corvus lived)
episode five was extremely predictable. Of course the first old elf ocean mage that the group meets is the one they need. We can't make this journey too complicated and heaven forbid that we take a moment to do anything, but maybe I'm still salty from the previous episode cause it seemed pretty far fetched that Zubeia couldn't just annihilate the corrupted banthers with ease and instead had to abandon Amaya and Corvus, because.... Amaya yelled for the first time on screen? BUT it did introduce my new favourite bad bitch Kim'dael, a bloodmoon shadow elf with some very interesting lore that I would have loved to see hinted at more when we were first visiting their forest.
episode six by far was one of my favourites introducing Captain Finnegrin but alas, all good things must come to an end because by episode eight he's dealt with like he was a stereotypical bully in a high school movie instead of a fearsome pirate captain.
episode seven was most interesting at two points. Janai being kidnapped by Kim'dael and the reveal of Finnegrin's ship being a giant hermit crab with a ship built around it. That was pretty sick, along with Callum literally stealing the wind from Finnegrin's ship prior to the crab reveal.
episode eight gets disappointing though with the way everything wrapped up with Finnegrin. I think I was hoping too much for that little thread of Finnegrin wanting to kill the ocean arch dragon due to wanting revenge for his first crab ship being killed by her. Really interesting, especially when he finally got the info he wanted from Callum about dark magic strong enough to kill an arch dragon. I thought it'd be really cool to see him return again, maybe even united with other antagonists at some point. BUT nope. Instead Soren uses the power of being a chill dude to convince Elmer he deserves to be treated better, and it worked somehow. Idk you'd figure a man who has been pirating over 40+ would maybe have had one or two actually loyal crew and not a bunch of essentially slaves. Seriously those kids would have been so fucked if Finnegrin had had some truly loyal men.
and lastly episode nine. Just poor Claudia, she really deserves the support she gets from Terry. Girl just wants to keep her family together. Was NOT expecting her to get her leg cut off in the confrontation, hopefully that sticks and she does some funky dark magic prosthetic for it. However the episode has left me wondering if they'll actually straight up kill Viran and use that to drive Claudia completely to the dark side, blaming Katolis and elves and dragons alike for getting in the way of her protecting her family, or will Viren live and try to walk Claudia back from the darkness? As it stands, I can totally see Aaravos forcing the dark magic spell to make Viren's resurrection permanent, but I do wonder if that was the only reason he created their freaky moth son or if there is more to that still.
#First couple of episodes I kept asking myself if I was gonna drop it#as the previous season and the sunfire elf camp actually pissed me off so much as it just was so stupid#but I made it through#because almost all the adult characters have at least one interesting thing going on still#but the kids (sans Claudia) are just getting a little boring#there was the moment in episode eight for Callum that was really good#with him breaking and giving Finnegrin the spell recipe#but I'm sorry Ezran is just boring#Rayla isn't horrible but certain scenarios with her just feel like a first draft#the whole thing with naming the baitlings was kinda meh (mainly cause I think all the names suck)#Soren wasn't too bad this season but it feels like he's hit a wall in his character arc with nowhere to go until he's reunited with his fam#I'm mildly salty about what age dragons finally start talking and why only select ones seem capable#(perhaps it's mentioned in a previous season and I forgot)#anyways I'll probably keep up with the series until the end#providing s6 doesn't dip even lower in writing for me
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today has felt like ups and downs but mostly downs in between me just trying to keep myself from thinking too much rather than ups honestly
#i think i am going to hqve to have. a difficult conversation with someone very dear to me#also i was meant to WRITE but i am too MEH to WRITE . this sucks#at least the grammar in the morning was good .. there are silver linings always..
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oh my god it’s so nice to write something original and go ah. my love for writing is still there after all. i actually can’t quite word what a relief that is
#it sucks but the recent spn fandom nonsense for real just killed any interest to continue engaging#like for a while it was still there but then it just totally disappeared#i think it'll come back! but like. for now it's absolutely fucking gone#and so there is no point engaging in fic that just gives me 'meh' feelings#sucks! but it is what it is.#what sucks MUCH LESS is writing the beginning a planned trilogy and going oh hey this fucks actually? im having fun?
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i NEED to stop listening to people on instagram hyping up books because what the fuck was that
#this is about lapvona#stop promising me body horror when what you mean is a disabled person exists. die forever#besides that the book was just not good in my humble opinion. saw a review that said it had nothing new or compelling to say about human#nature and i agree. if youre gonna write the 828494th book about ooaaiugah the nature of humanity is inherently violent#at least make it fucking entertaining#also wtf was up with all the adult breastfeeding? like why? not everything Has to have a reason ofc#but like i get the points the author is making with all the other shit irt capitalism and organized religion and misogyny and abuse and#structures of abuse#but why are so many grown men in this book sucking old lady tits. was it supposed to be disturbing?#idk the point of art is to make you feel something. right? this book failed. all it stirred in me is a weak#...meh?#the worst thing a book can be is boring. waste of my fuckin time. maybe the other stuff shes written will hit better for me but im not that#interested in reading them because i was so so so disappointed by this book. augh#its just such a nothingburger of a book. to me.#idk maybe im desensitized cause im a big ol yucky gorehound#but this book just held absolutely nothing for me. i keep hearing over and over how disturbing and gory it is#and in my estimation it really did not leave that impression.#not detective pikachu#richie reads
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the worst thing is having the muse & idea to write but having no physical energy to actually do it
#ooc.#this sucks !!!#my brain is just…meh#i have things in here i want to reply to#but not right now#perhaps later on…#seeing as i write best during late night hours#anyways imma load up totk and do that#i’ll still be around ! perhaps some plotting will wake my brain up IDEK
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starting tomorrow i have a one week course that will either be the best thing to ever happen to me during my academic career or the absolute worst and i don't know how to feel about that.
#lily talks#i've waited over one year to get a spot in this course#i have been preparing for this like crazy#borrowed every book on the topic from the library#like this is THE thing i've been wanting to do for work for over 10 years and now i finally get the chance to dip my toes into it#but what if i suck at this?#honestly i don't know if i could take that#like if either i'm bad at it or it just turns out to be meh#i'm more than a little terrified of having my dreams crushed lol#realistically speaking it's such a niche field that it'd be unlikely for me to get a job anyway but still#i think i'll cry if i mess this up#also i want to write my thesis on this and what if the professor says no#it's an optional course and the prof isn't part of my faculty so there's absolutely no way of telling if he'd be willing to do that#meaning i will have to ask but i'm so terrified of being awkward about it#aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#(panic)
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im having an absolutely terrible night!
#tbd.#tw complaining#im sorry 4 showing up just to complain but my life kinda sucks rn n i have muse but no energy n i feel like my writing is meh recently </3#i miss everyone n all my threads n ships < 3#i hope everyones doing well!!
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⠀⠀꒰ 🍨 ꒱ i miss writing for haikyuu!!, but i also don't feel like writing for it, or write at all. :((
#ੈ♡˳· fluff's corner#if i ever start writing for hq!! again#will u guys read them?#high-key missing the haikyuu!! fandom hAha#my hq!! era hella cringe tho#read my past works#they're..... decent???#some suck but meh#also do y'all even know that i used to write for hq!! ?#if yes then helo pls keep my hq!! acc a secret i was very VERY cringe back then#haikyuu!!#hq!!
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looking at the dono.linc a03 tag like 'hmmm wish there was new stuff to read here' yet being completely unable to make any new stuff
#like... it's so bad. I even got an idea for a snippet. a scene. something. this morning.#and I just.... can't be fucked to even get my notebook out and jot anything down. not even the broad strokes. like. nothing.#I feel completely just.... bleh.... abt writing. I went through my whole aø3 works list last night and was like#how the fuck did I uh.... ever write all this shit? I went through the bookmarks on ALL my fics#all the ones tagged 'fave' or 'favorite' made me just !!!!!#but I can't... idk I can't get myself to do shit now. I'm still so fuckin exhausted from being sick.#I'm starting to think I'm just like... never gonna feel better idk it's depressing like it's been a week. fckn dying.#just... meh. this year has sucked. a lot. A LOT. and I wish I could fall back on my hobby like I used to but lmao I CAN'T#I've also just idk... written a lot for them already so it's like lmao why share more idk even if I COULD write what's the point#there are a whopping 30 fics for them. I've written 8. like 🤷��️#erin explains it all
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oh i'm ready with my morning tea
#−−− ꧁ out of character : the death and the maiden. ❨ mun. ❩#mind you i didn't hated it as much as everyone is proclaiming to do#i feel these days its all about oh yeah it sucks it's awful i''m going to write it better from scratch#and not the more interesting writing exercise for me that is: okay with only three changes how can i make this meh storyline a great one
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actually considering last time my paper was 3 days late 6 hours is not bad i am proud of myself regardless though cuz that took a lot of concentration for my adhd autism ass
#you know how painful it is to go over a week trying to discipline myself every single day to work on that paper#literal hell#i missed aimlessly doing nothing and doing random things when i want them without any tasks for the day#and watching my comfort things#also getting high#haven’t gotten high properly in a bit#maybe i should right now#the new weed i bought sucks though so#and i’m very sleep deprived so idk if even the good weed will work#wait why am i having the most vivid deja vu rn#of this rain and this hashtag and the date and what i was calculating#goddamit i got distracted researching the climate type in são paulo and bangladesh and forgot why i was writing this#ok bye#🧃#oh yeah weed ? was that why#meh#update i remember it was bc i was calculating how much sleep i got cuz i was working on the paper for 19 hours#from 11am to 6am
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already kinda rambled about it a little in the tags of a reblog but mannn 4a did a lot of cool stuff with the battle system that makes it easily the most enjoyable one to date especially with the partner mechanic. this includes little details because there are so many.
like i don’t care what you think about asahi or anyone else in the cast who can summon demons the fact that you actually see what they summon and see those demons change over time is so nice??? there’s ways other games including base 4 have shown other demon summoners/samurai/hunters/anyone of that nature use demons but never on your side, only opposing or in cutscenes. devil survivor was technically the first but it’s the demons you assign to each character.
so seeing characters like her have their own demons and sometimes even have connections with them (chiro ily silly goofy fox is fun and actually op hallelujah has good taste) is super sweet. next time any mainline smt has human party members they better summon their own demons or i’ll cry.
#also having your own demons talk to you outside of battle occasionally!!! that was also cool#4a has the best battle system to date and is why i genuinely want to replay it the most#you can say whatever you want about the writing but if you say the gameplay sucks you’re a liar and you know it#dungeons are a different story both 4 and 4a have very meh dungeon designs but it doesn’t matter bc the combat was fun#shantien rambles#smt#megaten
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it always sucks, seeing urself jus get worse n worse n more worthless n more worthless over time. knowing tht u peaked as a kid n u'll never b like u were back then again. never b able 2 b tht happy, never b able 2 b tht smart, never b able 2 do the things u did then, never able 2 look tht decent again... all u can do is watch urself rot in the shadow of something u once were, whether it b tht what u once were wasnt even gr8 2 begin w but it was Something at least or tht u used 2 b smth amazing n gifted n sweet. ur a wasted potential. ur a failure.
#... [buries face in hands] i wanna apologize 2 my past self but we knew how this would go. i think in my heart i always knew.#even back b4 i was fully a mess i didnt think highly of myself. we always knew we meant nothing. it jus sucks 2 lose anything n everything#tht at least made me likeable or worth anything. i never can focus on anything. i dont make things anymore. no1 needs anything i can offer-#n rly what Can i offer anymore? i edit but it takes me a while. n i can never muster myself 2 do as much as i once did. i dont write much#anymore bc it takes a lot of mental willpower 2 make decision nw rite correct words... i cant even b slightly-pretty (not tht i was b4. ive#always been fairly Meh n unnoticeable) bc ive gained weight from all the bingeeating i do like a fucking pig. i hav nothing 2 me anymore.#delete later
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