#i struggled with those things so much back in the day and i still feel like they don't come out right sometimes
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I'll look After You
Pairings: Satoru Gojo x fem reader (reader is a mom)
Summary: You longed to hear from Satoru, After an epic night hooking up in a club bathroom, sure you'd been strangers, but he has your number, he made you feel so special... but... he never contacts you again. Ten months later, you have a beautiful baby named Reign, with those exact blue eyes. You never saw him again, couldn't even find him, so now, you are living your life as a single mom. Messy bun, dark circles, exhausted, you run into Satoru one day, and he sees her, his baby girl, and sees you struggling, he knows then, you're what's been missing in his life.
CW: MDNI- Sweet and emotional story, SO MUCH fluff here, Satoru is a freaking doll, misunderstanding led to him not knowing (nothing is kept from anyone on purpose) Fluffy long oneshot, watch Satoru fall in love with reader and his lil girl. Gojo being a dad and being cute! Explicit smut at the end- warnings- breed kink (it's me???) oral (f receiving) dirty talk, possessive Satoru (When isn't he?) Also some flashbacks to the original bathroom hookup (fingering, dirty talk etc) Sexual tension, 10.6k WC <3
Here is the full oneshot! Comments and reblogs SO appreciated if you enjoy <3
You often wondered about him, Satoru was his name.
As you look down at your baby girl, with her brilliant blue eyes while she’s cooing happily, giving you a gummy little grin, you wonder what he’d think if he knew about her. The random guy at the bar you gave your number to after hooking up in a bathroom, the guy who never called, the guy with no social media of which to speak. The guy you never, ever saw again.
Your baby’s father, the best thing that ever happened to you, surely, but also it was very difficult, being a single mom, you’d have to go back to work soon which you were dreading, spending sleepless nights up feeding, changing her. It had been a rough pregnancy, and a shocking one at that, people had questioned you over and over, some mentioned not having her.
But something in you knew you could do this, you could have this baby, you’re broke as fuck but she has all she needs, and she makes you so happy, but those eyes are unmistakable. No one has eyes like that, except her and her… well was he her dad? You wonder if he’d run ten million miles from you if he knew, or would he have been okay with it?
It’s odd that just a night of fun, alcohol and being on antibiotics created this amazing little girl, but you can’t be upset, not when she brightens your world. But you still ache at times, for her to have a dad, you hope you’re enough. You wonder about him though, the bright energetic man, the one that had made you feel more in one evening than anyone ever.
The last man you’d been with.
Yes, it’s been that long, Reign was two months old, so you’re damn near a year, you say it’s because you’re so busy, but something deep in you knows that you felt something for him, deeper than the obvious physical. Something about how he looked at you, at how he laughed, at how he made you feel so special.
You assume it must have been some act, clearly, here you are, alone after all. You both only knew each other’s first names, it’s true, but he had that number. Maybe it wasn’t all you thought it was? Maybe he just was that sort of guy, the one that made women think they’re his everything with one of his kisses, maybe you were just too drunk, and he was too pretty.
You blink a bit, shaking the haze thoughts of him as you yawn a bit, exhausted from Reign keeping you up all night, her tummy had been hurting. You’re sleepily putting things in the cart, baby items, groceries, the essentials, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror above the produce, wincing then. You have a messy bun and are in pajamas, god help you if you ever wanted to meet a guy.
‘Oh hi, I have a baby with a random blue eyed dude from a bar, I’m broke as fuck, and I wear pajamas to the store. Wanna date?’
Yeah. That would go over well.
“It’s… it’s… you!?” You sleepily look up then, so exhausted you barely register the six foot three man for a moment, then suddenly it all hits.
He stares at you, those blue eyes, the eyes your baby has, wide now, his pouty pink lips dropped open. He’s just as gorgeous as you remember him, like it’s some dream, you feel weak then, chest rising and falling as your breaths come too quickly. He steps closer to you then, he hasn’t seen her yet, nestled in her little car seat on the cart, you’re panicking.
“Do you even remember me? Oh my god, that night my phone broke, and I had just got it, they couldn’t transfer the numbers! And I tried to look you up? But I couldn’t find you… and I never saw you… and then- fuck I’m rambling.” He laughs nervously, swiping his hand through his snowy locks. “Forgive me, please… what I mean to say is… Hi?”
“Hi…” Your baby whines then, and Satoru pauses, blinking and you move to the side then, he steps closer when Reign opens her eyes, grinning at him.
Satoru’s heart pounds in his chest, his entire world tilts on its axis, he was already so thrown off by seeing you again, the girl he hasn’t been able to stop thinking of, but now… he looks at you in shock, you look exhausted, but so beautiful, your eyes tear up then, he watches your shoulders slump, then he looks back at the baby, realization sinking in.
“She’s… is she… there’s no way…”
“She’s yours, I only hooked up with you for the past… year.” You manage to say softly, right in the middle of the fruit aisle, Satoru was finding out you have his baby.
“You did this alone?” He says then, blinking back emotions for a girl he barely knew, but who now has a part of him, a part he wants to know so badly suddenly, shocking him.
“I had no clue who you were, how to tell you, even if so, it’s not your responsibility okay? I take care of her just fine, I make it work.” Satoru’s heart breaks then, seeing how tired you are, seeing the endless baby items and cheap toilet paper, a cheap bottle of wine, is that all you get yourself?
You did this alone, you have his baby alone, altering your life while he’s living his just the same, partying with his best friends, working and living a luxurious life. Satoru was rich, and it’s clear his baby and his baby’s mother are struggling, and he’s here doing what? Could he have tried harder to find you!? Could he…
“We’re okay, you don’t have to worry. I’d never come for you for anything, I am happy being her mommy.” You say with a tired smile, reaching to touch her little chubby cheek, and Satoru has never seen anything so beautiful, the two of you.
He’s felt so empty for this year, is this what he was missing?
“Can I… please… Can I know her?” He asks, gulping now, and you blink in shock, nodding quickly.
“I would love that.” You can’t stop your tears then, sniffling and shaking your head. “Please, let’s talk out of a produce aisle?” You whisper, he nods quickly, unable to take his eyes off you, off his baby.
After paying for your groceries, which you protest to, he’s out by your car now, a little minivan that makes him smile, picturing you as some pretty soccer mom already. You take her out of the car seat then, holding her carefully, smiling up nervously at Satoru. His chest swells at seeing you hold her, some instinct takes over, he instantly knows then.
He needs to take care of you both.
“I thought you’d freak out if you knew, be upset or want nothing to do with…”
“God no, no. I mean I don’t know what to think, but… she’s beautiful. Like her mom.” His words make you flush.
“I’m a wreck, Satoru, look at me.”
“You just need some help, doing it all alone?”
“You don’t have to, okay? I can do it.”
He brushes a tendril back off your temple, sighing as he looks at you, at those dark circles that just make you more beautiful, but show the fragility you’re keeping under wraps as best as you can. “I want to help, this is on me too.”
“It’s not, I was on the pill but… antibiotics.” You grumble, holding the baby to your chest now, she is sucking on her little binkie, bright pink. “It’s all on me, I’d love you to be in her life, but don’t feel obligated to pay for anything.”
“You’re stubborn, will she be too?” He narrows his eyes, and you giggle then, the first time in a long time you’ve heard that sound.
“She’s already stubborn, she gave me a hard time, wouldn’t come out.” She wriggles then, and you step a little closer to Satoru. “Wanna hold her?”
“Can you… tell me how to?” He asks, and you smile at him, for a tall, buff man he’s so sweet and precious, nervous even.
“Yes, hold your arms like this.” He does as you ask, holding his arms out, as you gently place Reign in his arms. “Hold her head just so. There you go, hey Reign, this is your dad.”
“Reign?” He asks, in shock as he looks into her eyes, his eyes, but she has your nose, your hair. His lips. She’s… “Perfect.”
“Isn’t she? Is it okay if I call you her dad?”
“It’s… perfect.” He says again, smiling at you, tears making his snowy lashes spike just so, you feel so complete then somehow. You can’t explain it, seeing this melts you, and Reign is so happy she's cooing, sucking on her binky and staring at him, you watch him melt right with you. “HI there, dumpling.”
“Dumpling? She's got a nickname huh.” He grins so big, nodding.
“I moved out of the city for the past year but I just came back to town. How far are you?”
“Oh like ten minutes. Would you… like to come over tomorrow? I'd say today but my place is a wreck.”
“I'd love to. Can I get her something please?”
“You don't have to… but she can always use binkies she throws these things. Ugh, see?” Reign spits out her binky and Satoru snorts as you catch it. She then touches his cheek, and he chokes up.
“I… oh my god. I love her?” He whispers in wonder, and you exhale, blinking tears that refuse to stop falling. “Is that crazy?”
“No. I loved her when I first saw her too. Fuck I'm a wreck “
“Hey…” He steps closer, handing you her carefully and then placing his big hands on your shoulders. “I am here now for both of you, however you'll let me be. Shh.” He brushes your back, resting his head on yours as you hold her close.
“I never thought I'd see you, tell you. I'm overwhelmed. I'm sorry.”
“Yeah me too.”
Of course he is, fuck. He just found out he's a dad, and he's honestly taking it better than anyone could. He brushes your tears away, and your pulse quickens, you clear your throat then. “We don't even know each other, it's insane huh?”
“Absolutely insane. But… I can't wait to spend time with her.” He says softly, you smile up at him, trying not to read so much into it, so happy he wants to be in her life but you have to remember that doesn't mean with you.
“Come over tomorrow I'll cook you lunch? Please don't break your phone again.” He laughs then, nodding as you two exchange numbers.
“Last name is Gojo. I hope one day hers can be?” And yours, he thinks, but he knows it's crazy to say, as he watches you smile so pretty through your tears.
“Maybe we can do that someday. Well, Reign, say bye to dad.” Satoru kisses her little forehead, leaning up then, thinking of kissing you. You both stand there a moment before he opens your door, and you set Reign back in her little pink car seat. You smile up at him again. “I am sorry I'm in pajamas by the way, ugh.”
“They're cute, little snowmen.” You snort, rolling your eyes as you slide in your car, hoping you will see him tomorrow with everything. “See you both soon.”
You drive away, and Satoru calls his driver and assistant then. “Can you order me everything a baby girl needs? And I need it by tomorrow.”
******
There’s a knock on your door, you peek in the mirror one more time, you took a bath last night, your hair is shimmering and clean for once, you have just a little concealer on for those dark circles, a little lip gloss. You’re wearing clothes and not sweats or pajamas, a little top with a cardigan and jeans, nothing fancy but you look human again.
You can’t believe that Satoru will come, until you open that door and see him, standing next to a tired looking dark haired man holding an insane amount of glittery pink bags. Satoru’s grinning at you, wearing Gucci shades and a dress shirt probably worth more than your rent, only one little bag in his hand swinging side to side as he greets you.
“Satoru, you… what is all this?” You ask curiously, and he shrugs a broad shoulder, handing you the little bag.
“All that is for Regin, this is for you though.”
“What!? It’s too many things!”
“Miss, may I?”
You realize he’s just standing there struggling, and come to then. “Oh, yes I’m so sorry! Put them on the table?”
Satoru and Kiyotaka walk in then, you have a little place, it’s about the size of Satoru’s living room altogether, but it’s comfy and clean, lived in and every bit of it has something of you. He sees pictures of you pregnant on your little silver fridge, pictures of Reign all over, along with Christmas cards all placed with magnets. He sees you’ve baked cookies, too, the scent making him starve.
Almost as much as your scent, so sweet and intoxicating, as he stands next to you, gesturing to the bags. “I wanted to get her something, remember?”
“This is a whole store though!” Kiyotaka leaves now, and you’re delving into the bags, gasping as you pull out the softest, fuzziest pink blanket. “Oh my god…”
“I just had them buy everything for a girl? Is pink good?”
You giggle then, smiling as you pull out a pretty pink dress. “She doesn’t know colors yet, Satoru.”
Of course she doesn’t.
Satoru truly doesn’t know shit about kids, he called and told his mom, asking for advice, and almost gave her a heart attack he thinks. “Of course not, I… where is she? Is she napping?”
“She is, but don’t worry she usually wakes up soon. Oh these are so cute, how expensive are these!? She’s gonna wear them for like a week!” You ask then, pulling out a little baby pair of fancy shoes, then two more. “She can’t even walk yet… ah, but these are so cute though.” You’re clearly conflicted, he chuckles a bit, then you stand up. “Oh my god, I’m a shitty host!”
“You’re cute.” His words, all husky with that deep voice of his, make you flush now, making you even cuter to him. “You look pretty today.”
“Oh thank you, I didn’t want you to think I’m constantly a monster.” He snorts, rolling his eyes.
“You’re cute either way. This was you pregnant?” He asks, as you lead him to the kitchen.
“Yes, I was a whale, oh god.” He touches the photo then, a longing surging through him, he missed this, he missed you like this. He feels an ache washing through him, looking at your glowing face and round tummy.
“No, you were beautiful.” Your breath catches, eyes shooting to his as he looks at you now, feeling something pulling you towards him, it’s like he takes the air out of your lungs just standing here.
“You’re very sweet, Satoru… thank you.” You manage to breathe out the words, when he looks down at your body now, heating it up with his gaze.
“Did you like being pregnant?”
The words throw images in your mind, of him over you, putting more babies in you, fucking insane ones that you shove down quickly. He was clearly caring, and wanting to be involved, you needed to keep your thoughts to that and only that, despite the way your stomach is fluttering at his proximity.
“I did love being pregnant, feeling her move and kick, singing to my tummy and feeling her calm down. But towards the end it was really rough, because she decided she wasn’t coming out.” You say with a little laugh, Satoru can see in how you speak how much you adore her. “Would you like to see more pictures later?”
“I’d love to. You didn’t open what I got you.”
“You shouldn’t get me anything. Oh, do you want some cookies?”
“Yes please.” He starts munching down on them, moaning. “You baked these?”
“I bake when I’m nervous? It gets insane how much I bake.” He smiles then, you’re tucking your shimmering hair behind your ear, grabbing him a glass of milk before you go grab the little bag.
“Open it, now.” He sips his milk as you sit on the barstool by the counter, fingers gently pulling apart tissue paper, until you open a little box and see a gift card.
“To a spa!? I haven’t ever been to a spa? What I can’t!”
“You will. When you’re comfortable I could watch her, so you could get some time to yourself.” You sniffle then, the kindness of him after all the overwhelming months you’ve had is too much, you shake your head.
“I can’t, it’s all too much, you shouldn’t feel like you have to do this!” He walks to you then, brushing a tear from your cheek, exhaling as he leans down so close.
“Sweetheart, I’m fucking rich, okay?”
“I assumed… wealthy with your clothes…”
“No, filthy fucking rich. Let me spend it on my baby and get her mom just a little thing please? How can you take care of her without any care for you?”
“I just do it, Satoru. I just do it.” He brushes more of your tears now, his lips far too close, you still don’t know him truly but the gesture is melting every defense you may have had up.
“Just go relax one day, not now, when you’re more comfortable.” Reign starts crying then, making Satoru back off just as you’d leaned your chin up, and you two had been so close. You back away too, nervously standing.
“I’ll go get her for you.” You say with a big smile, eyes still watery, and then you bring her out, Satoru’s heart swells even more than it did seeing you, he eagerly picks her up this time, versus being so nervous as before. “Dad spoiled you already.”
“Not even close to spoiled yet.” He murmurs, snuggling her to him.
“Have a seat, please.” He sits on the couch with her, you take one of the many little blankets, gently laying it over her and then sitting on the couch with him, as he stares at her in wonder.
“She barely cries?”
“That’s around you, it seems. She likes you already.” Your words fill him with far too much happiness, a happiness he’s never known, but also such a longing.
“I wish I could have been there.” He whispers, brokenly, the handsome white haired man holding your little girl, and suddenly you can picture it, maybe his big bright smile during what was a difficult labor.
“You’re here now.” You assure him, a hand gentle on his shoulder, the caress delicate before you think better of it, pulling your hand back. “I thought about you a lot, I mean… I tried to find you.”
“I wish you had.”
“Really?” He nods then, emotional. “Satoru Gojo, you surprised me, I thought for sure you’d turn and run.”
“Nah, why? Look at her.” She’s blinking her long lashes, grinning at him then. “So what do I like… do with her? Besides holding her?”
You laugh softly then, it’s so easy to have him around, it feels so natural that it’s weird. “Well you can feed her a bottle I pumped, but I breast feed mostly.”
He gulps now, looking at your top, where your nipples were pressing against the thin fabric. “Oh?”
“Yeah, depending on her mood, sometimes she is vicious. I’ll show you.” You gently take your top up, feeling his gaze when you pull off your nursing bra.
“That thing is easy access.” He murmurs, you giggle a bit, nervous for him to see you when you let it drop, revealing one of your pretty breasts to him, leaving him dazed before he snaps out of it, handing you Reign.
It’s very intimate, sitting with him while you feed her, she’s sucking hard, so hard you wince then, her little long nails digging into your breast as Satoru smirks. “You’re gonna laugh at this pain?”
“She’s just like her dad, look at her go. A pro.” You snort, rolling your eyes and shaking your head as Reign aggressively punches your breasts for more milk.
“I wouldn’t know, I don’t think you did that.” You murmur thoughtfully, pushing back flashes of the night while she suckles.
“That’s a tragedy.” You look down shyly, lashes casting shadows on your cheeks, while you feed his daughter, his daughter, it’s still not comprehending, it’s still taking him a lot to conceive it’s real. “Look at her face, oh my god!”
Your heart warms as he leans over, and Reign has stopped drinking, a goofy smile on her face. “She’s milk drunk.”
“What now? She looks high as fuck.” You hold in your laughter so you don’t wake her now, her eyes are shut and she’s still sucking on nothing.
“She does look stoned, it always cracks me up. Do you wanna put her to bed? I’ll show you where she sleeps.”
He nods and takes her again, watching your nipple with just a droplet of milk on it, he swipes it away before he can think better, making you shoot your eyes to him, lips parted. You hastily put the bra back up as a blush pinkens Satoru’s cheeks, slipping down your top, his touch on your sensitive nipples almost ended you just now. The desire for him in every way is almost insane.
You show him to the only room in your little place, it’s got a crib and a bassinet, and a tiny little bed that he assumes you must sleep in. You start wrapping her up in the new pink blanket then, swaddling her so tight, he watches in wonder at it, as you bundle her up.
“She’ll like a little burrito.” You snort in laughter, trying to keep quiet and covering your mouth then, looking up at Satoru in amusement.
“She kind of is? Babies like to be swaddled, they feel comfy.”
“You know so much… Have you had any experience before?” You both watch as she settles now.
“No, I learned all this from lots of books and bugging the shit out of my mother. Though she even thought I was crazy to have her. But something…” You trail off then, shaking your head. “Sorry.”
“No, please go on. Something?”
“Something told me I was meant to have her, it sounds crazy. But… I knew I could do it, even if it’s a lot.”
Satoru’s hand comes to rest on the small of your back, as you turn your head to look back up at him, seeing the emotions written all over his perfect face. “You’re doing great.”
You break down then at that, sobbing against his chest as he holds you, soothing rubs on your back. “I needed that, shit I’m sorry.”
“Shh, it’s okay.” You stay like that for a moment, letting him hold you against his chest, your face buried against his shirt, tears spilling freely while you take several breaths. “You’re a great mom, I can already see.”
“Shit…” You pull yourself together, taking several breaths and leaning back then, Satoru’s cupping your face and it takes everything not to kiss him, this man who you still barely know. “I really appreciate that. It’s been hard so far, but I love her so much, it's impossible how deeply.”
“I can feel it already. You, missy, need that break.”
“I couldn’t…”
“I want to be involved, I want to care for her, and that means her mom too. Yeah?” You shake your head, earning his little glare. “Stubborn little brat.”
“Excuse me!?” You glare right back, and he grins.
“You are one!”
“Me a brat?” Your eyes narrow as you cross your arms.
“Mmhmm.” Satoru tilts your chin up, your head falls back then, and he imagines entwining his fingers in it, imagining kissing you just like that night. He leans even closer and you pull back, clearing your throat.
“We should step out so we don’t wake her.” You murmur, when you’re back in the living room you’re carefully folding all the clothes he’s bought. “Oh, I promised lunch! You up for stir fry?”
“I’m up for anything you wanna make, after eating those cookies.” You set to work, and soon the two of you are eating lunch together, Satoru moans as he devours the food. “My god you’re a good cook.”
“Thank you, I love to cook.” You nibble on your rice thoughtfully. “Ugh, I’m gonna hate leaving her to work.”
Satoru scowls now. “Huh?”
“Maternity leave is over in two weeks. I’m just going to work part time though, so I’ll still see her plenty. Maybe I’ll bring her to work?”
“Where do you work?”
“A library, I’m very exciting.” Satoru grins now.
“You look like a little librarian.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Goodie goodie, despite the bathroom…” You both quiet then, as his mind whirls, and yours spins, remembering.
“S-Satoru!” You’d cried out as his fingers had pumped in and out of your tight little entrance, soaking his fingers as he kissed down your neck, you watched your reflection in the mirror as he pressed you against the sink, free hand gripping you right under your chin.
“Fuck, look at you? So sexy…” He murmurs, the club's music pounding like your heart in your chest. He has a big hand muffling your cries as you soak his hands, dripping all over him. “Hear her?”
His murmur against your ear makes you tremble, shivers sending down your spine as he builds that pressure inside you. You nod, drooling against his palm, when he is hitting that spot that has your eyes rolling back, pressing on it over and over with his long, thick fingers. You’re screaming into his hand, ass arching against him.
“That’s it, pretty, cum f’me huh?”
You both get quiet then, you see it clear as day, your face in that mirror as he’d filled you, and he remembers sucking your juices off his fingers, god it’s been almost a year and he can’t get your taste off his mind. He’d been with a few women here and there since he didn’t think he’d see you again, but they were nothing like it, nothing like you.
How your body responded, every little muffled cry, he remembers dying to get you fully naked, planning it all out when he would call you. He wanted you to not even leave his bed, he’d fully taste you, make you cum with his mouth. He’d get to look into your eyes as he filled you so good, have your legs up over his shoulders while he pumped inside.
It’s like electricity in your quiet little home, the two of you sitting in a daze, your breath comes quicker when he leans across the table, brushing your cheek with his fingers, feeling the heat on them. “Warm?” He teases.
“Um, a little.” You stand then, taking his plate and smiling, acting as normal as you can. “All done?”
“Yeah, thank you.” He watches you wash them then, he can’t even fathom not having a dishwasher, but you’re there with your pretty hands and that sponge. He doesn’t want you to work, he doesn’t want you even doing this, you should just enjoy the baby.
But with how stubborn you are, how independent? He doesn’t know if you’ll even take his offer when he makes it.
“How about you come to my place with the little Dumpling this weekend? Maybe… stay a night? I’ll have her something set up.”
“Stay the night?” You nearly break the dish you’re drying, Satoru catches it, suddenly next to you. “Who are you, Edward Cullen?”
“Pshh, I look like a glittery fucking vampire?”
“A bit.” You’re both laughing softly then, he dries the plates and you show him where to put them up. “It’s nice having a giant around.”
“Almost whacked my head on your ceiling fans.”
“The hardships of being stupidly tall, hmm?”
“Hmm.” He leans against the counter now, snowy lashes lowering as he studies you intently, those eyes that just do something to you, even after this long. It feels like you’ve known him, when one of his hands delicately brushes down your shoulder, feeling the soft knit of your cardigan. “You dress like a little librarian.”
“Do I now? Not that night.”
His nostrils flare just a bit. “Not that night.”
Satoru had you lifted on that sink, sinking inside you for the first time, damn near whimpering in your ear as he kissed on your breasts, trying to yank them out as much as he could but failing. “Slutty little dress.”
“S-slutty? You’re… slutty!” You’re clinging to him as he stuffs you so full, too fucking full, your cunt is drooling down his veiny length as he fucks into you, your thighs pressing against his narrow hips.
“Both are, listen to her… ha…” He’s got one hand cupping your face, looking at you before he slams his lips down, tongues dancing while his cock keeps thrusting, tip dragging your spot, as you fall apart in the bathroom, a tangle of limbs intermingling with muffled cries. “F-fuck…”
“That dress still does things to my mind.” He admits, and you wonder then, how’d you both get so close? How were you nearly flush against him?
“Does it now?” Your attempt at a tease meets with a broken voice, and you clear your throat, looking down shyly. “I don’t think my ass would fit in it now, your baby girl gave me some hips.”
“I bet they’re sexy.”
“She gave me stretch marks too.”
“Sexy.”
“You’re ridiculous.” You shake your head then, brushing a hand up his chest, wondering just what his body looks like. He's clearly built, you can tell he's muscular, but you have to wonder just how he looks. “You… don’t date anyone?”
“Nah. I mean I have had some dates this year, but nothing serious.” He couldn’t say it’s because of you, because he compares women to this random girl he felt such a pull to, and now it’s a million times worse. Even picturing cute little stretch marks from having his baby makes Satoru feral, it takes a lot not to show you, to act cool and calm with a little smirk.
“I haven’t at all. I mean… I’m so busy with Reign, and the pregnancy.”
“Been a while then?” His words are full of suggestion, his hand now brushes the air across your waist, hovering, like he wants to pull you in, and you’d let him, when Reign starts crying. You both step apart, his hands in his pockets, yours nervously fidgeting with your sweater.
“I’ll go get her.” You come back with her now, and Satoru lights up at seeing her in your arms, bending down to kiss her downy soft hair, sighing.
“Why does she smell so good?”
“Baby smell. I know, it’s addictive.” You inhale her scent, smiling as you are once again a centimeter from Satoru’s lips, your gaze goes to them, glossy and plump.
“Will you come this weekend?”
“Y-yeah, I’ll be there Satoru.”
“I am going to learn things, I promise.”
“Satoru, just take it one day at a time. You’re doing great.” He nods then, gulping down his every emotion as he leaves you two, and it feels so awful and wrong to leave you both, every force in the world pulling him back.
“How’d it go, Mr. Gojo?” Kiyotaka asks, as he’s driving him back home.
“Amazing. They're so beautiful.”
“They?”
“I mean…” You both are. “Kiyotaka, do you know shit about babies?” The man smiles tiredly then, shaking his head.
“No, Mr. Gojo, but I see you’re so… happy?”
Satoru has a silly grin then. “I am, I want to set something up for them, think you can order more baby things? For my place?”
“Certainly, Sir.” He smiles as he watches Satoru in the rearview mirror, he never would have pictured something like this, but it’s clear Satoru is beaming.
*****
“Come in, come in!” You pause in awe as you carry Reign inside Satoru’s insanely beautiful home. It's probably ten of your place if not more, sleek and elegant, everything brand new and sparkling clean. He’s instantly taking Reign, who is babbling at him as he cradles her, melting you completely before you even take a step.
“Your place is beautiful.” You murmur, he smiles at you then, taking your diaper bag off your arm and leading you inside.
“Thank you for coming, I missed her already!? Yes I did, dumpling!” He plants kisses all over her face now, Satoru Gojo holding your baby just did things to your heart, rewired your brain, seeing them both light up.
“She missed you too.” You murmur softly, Satoru looks at you then, white teeth glinting under the soft lights, taking in your pretty dress.
“Mama looks pretty.” He whispers, loud on purpose clearly, you’re a blushing mess, when Satoru’s blue eyes sweep over you.
“You’re too much.” You say, but you’re lowkey falling bad, you’d talked with him so much these past few days, as he asked endless questions, but also as you two got to know each other. You’d fallen asleep on the phone last night, Satoru had listened to your light little snore, smiling and falling asleep with you.
It seems too easy, which terrifies you, but so far it’s been Satoru being excited to be a dad, so you keep trying to remind yourself that is what this was, but it’s hard when he looks at you that way. “Too much? You haven’t seen shit. Come on.”
“Oh god.” You follow him now, as he leads you through a wide open hall, winking at you.
“Ya ready?”
“I think so?” He opens the door and it takes your breath for a moment, it’s a fully done nursery with everything a baby could need and more. There’s a pretty crib, a bassinet, a rocking chair even, it’s painted a baby pink with little teddy bears lining the ceiling.
“I know, I went overboard, I don’t know how to not go overboard when I do things? And I want the best for her? I know you probably won’t be-”
“Satoru.”
“Hmm?”
You smile then, placing a hand over his where it rests on Reign’s lap. “It’s beautiful, it’s so beautiful.”
He exhales in relief then. “Yeah!?”
You’re giggling now. “Yeah.”
“Mommy likes it, yes!” His enthusiasm is infectious, it’s the first time you think you’ve truly been light hearted in so long, as he places her gently in the crib. “I had my mom go crazy and paid for it to get set up, really I did nothing but pay out.”
“It’s the most thoughtful thing in the world.” You hug him then on impulse, before pulling back shyly, your eyes meet each other, his hands on your waist. “But how will she go back to my shitty place? I hope she doesn’t get bougie.”
“I want her bougie.” You laugh again softly, she’s playing with the little ovehanging baby mobile, she’s enamored by the hanging stars. You watch him lean over the crib then. “She’s a princess, you know.”
You can’t take it then, you have to step out, shaking now, struggling to catch your breath, when Satoru steps out with you, looking at you with concern. Your feelings of him are utterly overwhelming, the beauty of Satoru fawning over his little girl puts these thoughts in your mind, of being a real family. As someone who didn’t have a father, and didn’t think Reign would, the hope filling you is so much.
“I got too excited.” He nervously admits, leaning against the wall next to you and rubbing the back of his neck. “I want her to have everything, if my mom didn’t talk me out of it she’d already have a pony.” You snort then, even through your tears. “There, a little laugh.”
“It’s not you, this is amazing, it’s just… I planned my life, I planned it all out with her, alone. And now… we won’t be? I don’t know how to process it, how to really believe it. But I’m so happy she’ll have it.”
“C’mere.” He pulls you against him into a big hug, arms wrapped around you tightly, bringing you against his chest. “I didn’t think I’d have this, a baby girl? I know what you mean, it’s not what I pictured.”
“Exactly. And… maybe I enjoy this too much.” You look up at him now, his lips quirked up at the side.
“Me too much?” He raises a brow.
“Maybe.”
“Hmm.” Satoru leans down close, when the doorbell rings, he exhales then, laughing softly, pressing a kiss on your forehead. “So I may have invited my mom. Is that okay?”
“Of course it is.” You are trying to calm your nerves when you meet her, long silky white hair and bright blue eyes. It's clear those genetics are strong, she surprises you by wrapping you in a hug.
“Where’s this grandbaby of mine?”
Soon she’s melting over Reign like the two of you have been, and Satoru’s made you both hot cocoa, family isn’t something you’ve really had, and to feel this comfortable and good? It’s almost like some dream, as you all are so cozy inside, and Reign is just getting fawned over, giving you a little bit of a reprieve until she’s hungry.
“I have a bottle, do you wanna feed her, Satoru?”
“I can do that?” You smile at him, nodding, and soon he’s got a bottle in her mouth, you position his arm just so as his mom watches you both with a knowing smile on her face.
“You know, I could always babysit sometime. For you two… to go out.” You both blush now, looking up at her.
“Go out?” You almost squeak the words out, sipping your cocoa now that it's gone just a little cold, enamored with watching Satoru.
“Yes, go out. Parents need time away.”
“We’re not… um…”
“I’d take you out.” Satoru says softly, and you feel those butterflies in your tummy going wild.
“Yeah?” You manage to ask, failing at being subtle.
“Yeah.” He smirks a bit, then Reign coughs. “What’s wrong!?”
“She needs to burp, calm down.” You lift her against your chest, patting her back now. “This is what you’ll do, it’s just some air in her tummy.”
“Oh thank god.”
“You three are precious.” His mom checks her phone then. “I have a meeting, but I hope to see much more of you both.”
“Me too Mrs. Gojo!” She smiles, planting a kiss on Reign’s head then yours before she leaves. “She’s amazing!?”
“I know, right? She was dying to meet her.” His hand rubs Reign’s little back, so big it’s as long as her almost, his other arm resting over the couch, brushing against you when he leans closer. “Thank you for having her.”
“Oh, Satoru… I just wish…”
“Yeah, me too.” He inhales and exhales, his eyes swimming with emotions. “I wish badly. I hate that I missed her coming into the world.”
“I’m so sorry… but I swear, she’ll not remember that, she won’t remember it at all.”
“But you remember.”
“Satoru, it's not your fault, don’t dare blame yourself.” He sighs now, his hand dropping off Reign to rest on your thigh over the thin black tights you wore.
“I don’t want you working yet. Will you let me help?”
“Satoru…” You shake your head. “You are not going to pay my bills.”
“Then stay with me? Stay the year with your baby… with our baby, please. She should have her mom home.”
“It’s too much of an offer, I can’t just live here! We aren’t even…”
“If you hate it I’ll get you your own place. I promise. Just let me take care of you… of both of you?” You stand, turning away, Satoru’s hands grip the sides of your arms as he leans close. “Please think about it.”
“I’m not a charity case, Satoru. I’m okay where I am.”
“I know that, okay? But I missed all of the pregnancy, I didn’t get to help with any medical bills, anything. Please just…” He turns your chin to face him, his glossy lips ever tempting as they hover just above yours. “Please think about it.”
“It’s overwhelming, okay?” He nods then, you lean back just so, feeling his lithe body against your back, leaning back just so.
“You’re not alone anymore.”
“Satoru…” He wraps his arm around you, resting his chin on your head. “You don’t have to do all this.”
“I want to.” For you and Reign, but Satoru can tell your pride is getting in the way, and he can tell you’re conflicted. “Give it time, no rush, yeah?”
*****
After a few weeks of constantly being at Satoru’s house, you damn near almost live there. You come over at about the same time Satoru’s off work, and he learns more and more about Reign every single day. He’s learned how to change diapers, how to feed her, and learns what certain cries mean. Reign rolls over for the first time on her mat and you’ve never seen anyone more excited than Satoru.
He takes selfies with her and they are Insta famous, he has Reign’s name painted on the nursery door, though she tends to still sleep in the room you stay in, with her little bassinet. Satoru’s had you in the guest room, but what you don’t know is at night he checks on you both, he kisses Reign’s forehead and tucks you in, he watches how cute the both of you are.
He watches you with Reign, ever attentive, and it’s about the time you’d have to go back to work, he can feel how devastated you are thinking of it, when you all are quietly sitting in the living room, having nibbled on takeout as Reign sleeps. You take a breath then, looking at the man you’re falling deeper for every day, every moment you spend with him.
“Satoru…”
“Yeah, sweets?” His little nickname always does something to you.
“I would love to stay with you, to stay home with her for a few more months, if you’re sure it’s still okay?”
Satoru jumps up then, picking you up and spinning you, you’re laughing breathlessly as he eases you down, and you’re flush against his body. Despite the endless times you’ve ached to kiss him, to do so much more, you both have been a little apprehensive, you both don’t know what’s okay, what’s not. You both feel far, far too much and are afraid of it.
“You’ll stay!?”
“I’ll stay. But I’ll cook, and help pick up, and-”
“Shh. Just stay.” He’s cupping your face, he’s so close you can almost taste his sweet breath, your lashes lowering over your eyes now. “I want you with her, let me do that for you? And… I want you here. All the time I… miss you when you’re not.”
“Are you giving me puppy dog eyes!?” You demand with a grin, and he pouts his lips.
“Maybe. Is it working?”
“It’s working.” You don’t stop yourself, not this once, when you lean up on your tiptoes, pressing your lips to his, and when you do, the eclectic shocks shoot from his lips, it’s just like that night a year ago, but more intense. You pull back nervously, looking away. “I’m sorry, I…”
“No.” Is all he says, pulling you back, bending low and taking over your lips, he moves them gently over yours, big hands taking over your waist and dragging you closer, mouth opening, tongue slipping past the seam of your lips. Your mouth opens in a gasp, and then his tongue delves inside it. “Don’t apologize for kissing me.”
“Satoru…” He’s exhaling against your lips, kissing you again, soon your back is on the couch, and he’s moving over you, his hand trailing your waist, up to your breasts, your hands clinging to his shirt, gripping the smooth fabric as you fall apart from his kisses. They’re sweet, intense kisses, slow like he wants to savor every moment with you, growing more and more insistent.
He pulls up, just looking at you now, your thighs are around his hips, you feel that ache between them, not just physically either, you crave more and more of him, and you have been since you saw him again. You both just look at each other, speaking without words as he slips up your top, and you yank it nervously, earning his frown, stopping your hand.
“Not ready yet?” He asks, you shake your head.
“You won’t… I’m not… I don’t like my tummy anymore.” You admit softly, tears threatening to spill, Satoru lifts your shirt then, leaning down and running his thumb across the little stretch marks Reign left.
“Well, baby girl… I love your tummy. Should I show you?” You shake your head, breaths coming quicker and quicker now. “You had my baby, you carried her for me, and she left you more beautiful than before.”
“Oh, Satoru…” He kisses your tummy then, and desire shoots straight through you, your hands finally entwining in that silky hair you’ve craved to feel for so long, he’s looking at you under lidded eyes, pressing kisses lower.
“You’re beautiful everywhere. I bet it was sexy pregnant.”
You giggle just a bit, making Satoru smile against your skin, fingers tugging down your pants then, earning a little cry that makes his cock so hard it hurts. He’s been dying to taste you on his tongue, to feel you around his fingers, watch that pretty face in pleasure again, but he’s tried to take his time, tried to focus on Reign, but the thing is, he loves both of you.
He’s in love with you.
The way you move, the way you smile, the way you are with his baby? How your eyes brighten when Reign did something new, how you blushed when he gave you a compliment. But also, how your hips are shifting now, how your eyes are getting lidded, dilated with desire, and how the little silver lines run across where his baby was inside you.
“Satoru… that feels too good I… mmm!” You cry out quietly when his fingers find your slick heat, finding you drenched already.
“You this easy for me?” He asks, you want to retort, something witty, but you can’t, you just gasp out in pleasure when he’s got your pants off, and he’s parting your thighs, long fingers pressing in the plush of your skin as he stares at your pussy. “Fuck you’re pretty.��
You’re trembling as you’re fully bare in front of him, his breath on your clit alone makes you jerk, he places a teasing flick of his tongue right on your clit, you cover your mouth to hide the pathetic moan. He flicks his tongue again, thumps slipping the plump lips of your sex apart, watching the wetness pool out of your little hole, he catches it with his tongue, groaning as he tastes you.
Your hands clutch his hair so hard you’re tugging at his head, eyes rolling back in your skull, biting your lip hard not to make too much noise. He looks up at you, slinking his tongue all the way up your dripping pussy now, from your hole to your clit, groaning as you drip all over his mouth, his face.
“It tastes as good as I remember.” He whispers, enjoying that ruby red blush on your cheeks. “You’re so cute like this, sensitive?”
“You’re torturing me.” He chuckles, the hot air making you whimper, a sound that shoots desire through him. “Please…”
“Please what, pretty?” He casually licks you once more, leisurely as if he has all the time in the world, tilting his head just so to flick the underside of it, watching the tiny little clit twitch. “Use your words, sweetheart.”
“Make me cum, please.” He moans then, devouring your pussy, his movements less teasing and precise and sloppy, now, lapping up all the juices that pour as you cry out in pleasure, hips bucking up for more, then you feel his fingers sliding in and out of you now, pressing in deep, finding that spongy spot that makes you shiver.
“There you go, you’re clenching me s’good. Can’t wait to feel you around me.” He murmurs, curling his fingers just so, your legs are shaking so hard, you’re falling off that edge, chest rising and falling with your breaths.
“M-gonna… Toru…” Satoru moans now, the sound vibrating against your heat, he looks at you then, eyes dilated and dark, leaning up, his chin coated in your slick, shimmering.
“Cum for me, baby.” At that he sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue swirling around it, humming and making you shatter under him.
You come so hard you see stars bursting, eyes rolled back, your mouth in the most slutty O as you gasp out, you’re arching off the couch, his name a quiet little broken scream in the quiet room. You feel his smug grin against your sensitive bud, as he nips at it then with his teeth, making you jerk and whimper, leaning back to study your clenching little hole.
“There you go, so good for me, hmm?” He coles those words, slipping up you now, sliding his finger up and down your drippy slit, kissing you, letting you taste yourself off him.
“Need you. All of you.” You murmur then, he pauses his kisses, looking down at you, and emotions surge and mix with the pleasure, the insane need for him to fill you, over and over again.
“If we do, I want more than just… co parenting. I want more than just sex. I want…” Satoru gulps then, cupping your face carefully, your hand comes to grip his wrist, thumb brushing over his strong, fluttering pulse.
“I want more too.” You admit, swallowing nervously, as one of your hands rests on his chest.
“I want you to be my girl.” You’re crying then, nodding eagerly at his sweet and pure words, when he’s kissing you again, salty tears mixing with your taste. “Will you be? My girl?”
“I would love to be yours.” He moans again, standing then, helping you up, your arms wrap around his neck as he carries you, your lips don’t separate when he backs into his bedroom.
“Want you in my bed, every night.” He whispers, easing you onto the floor to stand, slipping your top off and revealing your breasts which sway just a bit, you eagerly unbutton his shirt, showing every inch of his chiseled, perfect frame. You gasp when you finally see him, fingertips trailing across sculpted muscles.
“You’re perfect, Satoru.” You whisper in wonder, and he cups your face again, kissing you deeply, a kiss so beautiful it ruins you forever, Satoru has ruined you forever, you know now what you knew that night deep down. “It’s only you.”
“It’s only you. You’re perfect.” You gasp as he picks you up again, laying you on the bed, you’re eagerly tugging on his pants, gasping when you see his huge, veiny length, something you’d had inside of you bud hadn’t even seen. You stroke him, earning his soft whine, he pins your wrist above your head.
“Lemme touch him, please?” You beg, earning both your hands pinned, as you laugh breathlessly.
“No way, I’m not busting quick, I’ve waited too long for this.” You giggle, earning his pretty glare. “I’m not.”
“You didn’t bust quick that night?”
“Yeah, I did.” You shake your head at him, gasping when he’s pressing against your entrance, he tenses, muscles flexing, when suddenly you both hear it, Reign on the baby monitor. “Shit.”
“Shit…” You both stay completely silent. “Maybe she’ll stop?”
“I sure hope so. Need to get you pregnant again.”
You blink in shock now, as Reign quiets. “Huh!?”
Satoru grins, a devious fucking grin, as he presses your legs apart, one over his shoulder, sinking in as you bite your lip, so filled by him, trembling beneath him as you roll your hips. “I need to see you pregnant, gonna be so fucking sexy.”
“You’re insane, Satoru Gojo.” You gasp when he shoves his length fully inside you, bottoming out and you’re so full you can’t breathe, clinging to his bare shoulders desperately as he moans, feeling your walls flutter.
“You didn’t know that yet? I’ll have to show you, sweetheart.” He’s fucking you then so good, thrusting in and out of your slick cunt, which is drooling all the way down his veiny length. He’s smirking as he rolls his hips just so, watching you start to come apart. “You love it, huh? Cock filling you so deep?”
“Please…” His leaking tip kisses your cervix, you shudder under him, cumming so hard you can’t tether yourself anymore, and he revels in it, in your pretty face all scrunched up, all reddened as you cry out.
“That’s it, can’t help yourself? Want me to fucking fill you?”
“Please…”
“You’re such a good girl, hmm?” The words short circuit what’s left of your brain, as Satoru leans back on his knees, hands slipping up your body, gripping your breasts, which have little droplets of milk. You whimper, trying to cover them. “Ah-ah.”
He leans forward, sucking them then, you’re so sensitive you scream, thanking everything Satoru has a huge home and that the baby couldn’t hear anything, because the sounds he writhes out of you are filthy. He leans up, licking the little droplets off and grinning again, possessively gripping your throat, hovering over you as his cock slides in again.
“God, even that’s sweet. All of you. Sweet and slutty.” He huffs, you’re kissing him desperately, nails pressing against his scalp as they grip his hair. “My girl, you’re all mine now, hmm?”
“Wanna be… y-your girl.” You whisper, ending him as your cunt gushes down on him, as he feels the tight muscles grip him like a vise, he eases back, shoving your legs up then in a mating press, every instinct making him crave to make you his again. Cum in you, fill you, make you pregnant. “Toru… I haven’t… not a lot of… exper-ah!”
“That’s alright baby, I’ll fuck you so good, all you gotta do is take it, yeah? Look so fucking pretty f’me.” The sweet, emotional and cute Satoru is now feral, psychotic and possessive, his eyes so blue they hurt to look at, but you’re nodding eagerly. You’ve never been fucked like this, not even close, but he assures you, over and over that you can take him. “That’s right, gonna take all of me.”
Your thighs are smushed against your breasts as Satoru fucks you harder, perfect strokes that hit every spot, spots you can’t even figure out, the ridge of his cock hitting again and again until you’re close, already having cum twice. You’re sobbing under him as he leans his weight on your thighs, folding you in half and going deeper, deeper, bottoming out.
His balls slap heavy on your ass, so full and ready to pump his load in your eager hole, you’re a mess, tears on your cheeks, mumbling incoherently, pussy drooling and loosening more and more. You take him, all of him greedily then, as he slows just a bit, leaning up to press your thighs even higher, watching his cock disappear as your cunt sucks him in.
“Oh look, she’s taking me s’good, she wants it huh? You want it, greedy, slutty pussy.” He’s talking to your pussy, but you also can’t care, not when you’re so close, incoherently whining. “Can’t talk, sweetheart?”
“Gonna… cum… again… Satoru!” He moans as you speak his name, using a forearm to press your legs up, angling his cock just so, shoving deep as he presses a thumb to your clit, ending you utterly.
“There you go, cum on lemme fuckin feel her milk me.” He huffs, husky voice hoarse as your orgasm washes over you, full body, you’re shaking and sobbing as your arousal pours down him, making him tense, gasping. “Oh fuck…”
“Cum in me. Cum in me, please.” You beg weakly, and Satoru does then, full mating press, pumping all his cum so deep, filling you to the brim as he leans down, whimpering with you, tongues sloppy as you kiss.
“Feel s’perfect… gonna make you a mommy again, yeah?” You nod weakly, cunt throbbing as he pumps more and more, nails pressing into his back as you both ride your orgasms out, until you’re sensitive messes. “F-fucking… b-baby…”
“Satoru, g-god…” He is exhaling, easing your sore thighs down then, pulling out and watching the mess that pours from your pussy, a mix of his cum and yours, he grins at it.
“You’re so messy, hmm?” He shoves two fingers in your cunt, pushing his cum back in as you scream out. “Aww, you can’t take it baby?”
“Too much, ngh!” Satoru slips his fingers out, sucking on them and moaning, before repeating it, shoving them in your mouth, you moan as you suck them greedily, both kissing again, a tangled mess of limbs.
“Taste us together, god.”
“So yummy.” He kisses you again, again, again, as you struggle to come back down, heart still racing. “My god…”
“Yeah, holy fuck.”
“You’re like… you have a breed kink like bad.” He snorts then, kissing up the side of your neck.
“Could it have to do with the fact that my girl is gorgeous with my baby? And I’d love to really see her pregnant?”
“I want you there too. I do, even if this is insane.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, first we have a baby, then we move in together? What next, a first date?”
“You know… yes. Mom offered?”
You giggle at him. “So is this you asking me on a date!?”
“Mmhmm, with my cum pouring out. Wasting it, tsk tsk.” He starts kissing down your body again, when Reign cries, this time loudly. “Ugh.”
“Ugh.” You agree, brushing back his hair when he kisses your tummy. “You make me feel beautiful, Satoru.”
“You are.” He says simply, kissing you deeply, helping you up. “Most beautiful girls there are.”
“I…” You almost say it, but you’re still so afraid, those words on the tip of your tongue. Satoru smiles as if he knows.
“Go check on her.”
“Yeah.” You are soon all dressed, and Reign is no longer crying once she gets swaddled, her binky in her mouth. Satoru comes behind you, arms wrapping you tightly and pulling you against him.
“So, that date?”
“Mmm, got plans already?” You look back at him, as he holds you so sweetly in the quiet room.
“Yeah, the spa you never went to, brat.”
“Oh! Yes, let’s.”
*****
Satoru Gojo and you have had a baby, then moved in, and then you had your first date, which was both of you getting pampered, you were giggling when Satoru kept eating the cucumbers meant for his eyes, when he moved the masseuse because he got jealous of him. “My girl, I’ll rub your back.”
“So jealous.” You tease, but you then sigh in pleasure as his big hands rub your body just so.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I don’t ever wanna lose my girls.” You pause then, leaning up, breasts revealed as you’re just wearing a little towel. But Satoru’s eyes are serious, when he gently rubs his hands down to the back of your hips.
“You’re not losing us.” He’s kissing you, leaning over you in the spa, when he whispers in your ear.
“Let’s go.”
In the backseat of Satoru’s driver’s car, headed back home, you and Satoru devour each other, his hands on your rib cage, his lips on your nipples. Your head falling back, arching up for more, never, ever able to get enough. He’s filling you again, and you’re soaking him again, he’s fucking up into you one moment, one moment you’re controlling it.
A push and pull, a back and forth, endless kisses, until he’s filled you up again, whispering the lewdest things, picturing you as his wife, picturing you pregnant again, but the words are coming out as muffled, dirty words that don’t match. And you feel the same, you think the same, but you’re too fucked out to speak, too lost in everything that is Satoru Gojo.
That night, Reign is up and down, and you’ve just given her a bath, singing to her and cradling her. Satoru watches you, emotions catching in his throat, as a sliver of moonlight darts through the windows, illuminating the faces of the two girls he adores. Reign is being fussy, huffing, but then she hears you sing, and she’s calming, drifting off just so.
You catch him watching you, smiling at him, laying her back down gently. Satoru leans over, brushing a thumb across her cheek, as she sleeps so peacefully. “I love you, dumpling.” He murmurs to her, your heart aches at his words, as you repeat them softly to her, and Satoru wraps an arm around you.
“I love both of you.” You look at him then, so nervous, but he exhales, kissing you softly, feeling tears fall from his eyes, pulling back to see you’re trembling. “I know it’s a lot, but you have to know that I love you. I love both of you so much it hurts.”
“I love both of you.” Your heart hammers in your chest, as a hand slips up your back, and he leans down, blue eyes swirling with tears. “I’ll take care of you both, always. I… I’m complete now, with you both. I can’t ever lose you.”
“Satoru, never. I never want to be without you again.” Your hushed whispers are followed by sweet kisses, until you both close the door quietly, and Satoru has you picked up in his arms, effortless as you hold onto him, resting your foreheads against each other. “I’m home, here.”
“You are home, here. Want you to have my last name, both of you. Please.” You nod, sniffling as he carries you, kissing you desperately, pressing you against the door of his room once you’re back inside. “Need you to have my last fuckin’ name.”
“We will, Satoru. We’ll all be Gojos, hmm?” He grins so big then, easing you down and turning you, vivid memories of that night filling your mind, overwhelming your senses. Your head falls back as he kisses down your neck, slipping your shorts to the side to find you.
“So ready f’me?” You nod weakly. “Good, need to have a whole fucking clan of Gojos, yeah? Gonna give it to me?”
“Mnh, yes.”
You would give Satoru anything, and finally every piece that seemed so out of sorts is in place, as you found something you didn’t know was missing, and he found a family he didn’t know he had. As he eagerly works you so well that night again, you also know you want to give him more.
Taglist: @tiredofeverythingandmyself @yenayaps @bunheadusa @moonlitwitchdaisy @heartsteelkaynconsumer @zoebella30 @twinkling-moonlillie @iamrgo @sylussss7 @minaa-06 @kindablackenedsuperhero @alygator77 @lilica75 @ufoev3 @bub-ss @ailoveyuta @i-luv-ateez-sm @strawberiicreme @gina239 @uhnosav @myahfig4 @silverfangmarks @stxrlingpearl @gojodickbig @jkslaugh97 @ivyvenus333 @msbfc @karmcrim15 @ap-o-llo @loafteaw @kimkimoruo @gh0stgirl333 @victoria1676 @its-carlerrr @evelynxxo @lynnist @burdened-by-images @safixiovi @nanamis-eyebrow @clqxuds @safixiovi Perma tags: @cuntphoric @n1vi @indiewritesxoxo
Rest tagged in comments!
#gojo x reader#gojo smut#jjk smut#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x you#jjk gojo#jujustu kaisen#jjk x reader#gojo fluff#satoru gojo smut#jjk fluff#jjk x you#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#satoru gojo x female reader
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RATING EACH "KNOCKING THE BOYFIE OUT" SCENE YAYYYYY
N°1 Bison + Kant + syringe
No call back to "I'll cover your mouth if you scream", which is a disapointment. No shh shh shh either, but I enjoyed seeing Bison in determined murdermode (not to be mixed with his horny murdermode, more suited to some shh shh shh). Especially since Bison did start out with the disadvantage of a very fresh knife wound, so I'm willing to be lenient. I appreciate that it all took a lot of Bison's strength, to the point that Kant's weight brings him down with him until they're both lying on the floor. Kitten might have thought of murder all day, but kitten is also roughly one head shorter, fresh off of some med-induced sleep, and had a knife in his guts a few hours ago. I'm cutting kitten some slack. Plus we got this marvelous shot,
which I will go ahead and call iconic.
9.5/10 they should do it again recreationally sometime.
N°2 Fadel + Style + finally some bathroom action
Aw, look at them cheek to cheek ♥
Fadel was never going to give me any shh shh shh, because Fadel doesn't know how to have fun. He went for his usual "efficient, impersonal, I'm simply a man on the clock" schtick, except of course he was none of those things (appart from efficient). He did however go all out on the physical intimacy. I really loved the insane stalker vibes he brought to the table, especially since they're normally Style's thing. As a general observation, I greatly appreciated how long the whole thing took, how much Style struggled, and Fadel's expression once it was done.
A picture is worth thousand-words fanfictions, or whatever it is they say.
9,5/10, let's not pit two bad bitches against each other. It probably gave Style ideas though.
Closing remark
I can only applaud the choice of giving us a slow pan from Bison's toes to his hell hath no furry (but i do have a stomach wound) face
while Fadel remained an ominous blurr in the background until he attacked (though his arm in a sling still allowed for instant recognition)
I feel like they would both agree that it was in keeping with their respective style.
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TFA team Prime x Human!Reader headcanons.
Just some general crushing/relationship headcanons.
Optimus prime
He's absolutely shocked when he realizes he's fallen for a human.
He struggles a bit with the idea of a human and a cybertronian being together and how realistic it may or may not be.
Is definitely a bit nervous interacting with you one on one.
Tries to keep his cool but fails miserably lol.
Has made it his mission to protect you at all costs.
Despite his nervousness, he's quite affectionate.
It's just little things, but all stuff he knows you'd appreciate.
Always listen to you when you talk.
He remembers everything you say and will take note of like, dislikes, wants, and needs.
Takes him forever to muster up the courage to tell you how he feels.
His smile when you say you like him back is to die for.
This man yearns for cuddles but is too worried about hurting you or invading your personal space to just do it.
You gotta offer the cuddles.
Boundaries are number 1 on his priority list in a relationship.
He makes sure he doesn't cross any of yours.
He's definitely not all that openly affectionate around the rest of the team.
Hates Bumblebee's constant teasing.
When you two are alone, it's a very calm kind of affectionate if you know what I mean.
Honestly, your love is what keeps him going sometimes and needs you to know that.
He's a good leader and an even better boyfriend.
TFA Ratchet
This man is the definition of tsundere.
Can't figure out how in the wide world he ended up falling for a human.
So he denies his feelings for as long as he can.
Until they become too strong and he just can't.
Doesn't change how grouchy he is, tho lol.
It's a rare thing for him to say anything nice to you, but when he does, you can feel the sincerity behind them.
He would definitely end up confessing to you while protecting.
Trying to get this man to be openly affectionate is like trying to pull teeth 80% of the time.
He's not necessarily mean, just basic tsundere behavior.
But that 20% is something to die for.
Usually, it's late at night, when everyone else has powered down for the day and you two are the only ones still up.
It's at those times where he really opens up to you.
Not to mention, he appreciates having someone around to listen to him.
And he let you know he appreciates it.
He isn't much for physical affection.
Most you'll get is a caress on the cheek.
Acts or service is his main love language.
He'll fix certain things whether or not you've said anything about them, and he makes sure you take care of yourself.
He may be a little rough around the edges, but at the end of the day, he's a sweet guy deep down.
And he truly cares about you, no questions asked.
TFA Prowl
This man is fascinated by the idea of being in a relationship with a human.
But he never thought he'd be catching feelings for a human.
He's not quite sure what to do with these new feelings.
All he knows is that your presence makes him very happy.
It definitely takes him a while to figure out how to confess to you.
He's not used to being so open with other people.
He definitely gets a little bit flustered around you.
He's not quite sure what boyfriends do.
He tries taking advice from Bumblebee once but only once.
He vows to never do that again lol.
I feel like, despite him being a massive introvert, his love language is still quality time.
He really enjoys and values the time you two spend together.
Loves to study nature with you.
Whether that be through a nature walk or a nature documentary.
TFA Bumblebee
Gets a smile on his face every time you cuddle up next to him while watching a documentary.
Sometimes, he'll just space out and stare at you (until you look in his direction lol).
He usually isn't the type to get overly nervous, but you do some cute and/or hot, and you'll see him lose his cool (just a little).
He's quite the blusher lol.
Would probably faint if you ever did something sexy.
You're probably the only person you can really make him lose his composure, lol.
Oh this man fell fast and fell hard.
Doesn't really care that you're human.
Always tries to act cool around you.
Is an absolute simp 100%
Sometimes, he'll just sit there and stare at you.
You might as well be a god/goddess to him.
Out of everyone, he's probably the least nervous with his feelings.
Definitely finds a way to tell you how he feels in the "coolest" (by his standards lol) way possible.
He is the reigning king of surprise cuddles.
Anywhere, anytime.
He's pretty chill with PDA.
Likes people knowing you're his.
He loves to either play video games with you or just have you around while he plays video games.
He thinks the song Pika Girl by S3RL is the perfect song for your relationship.
Thinks you are the hottest thing on this planet.
He practically gets heart eyes every time you kiss him on the mouth.
When you wear a cute outfit, his knees get all weak as he tries to keep his cool.
God, if you were to wear something sultry, he'd probably start overheating and have an error lol.
Has tried to do the pocky thing with you at least once (if not more) even tho he doesn't eat pockys.
To him, you are his beginning, middle, and end.
TFA Bulkhead
Poor guy gets so nervous when he realizes he's fallen in love with a human.
He thinks he isn't cool enough for you.
Or too scary.
You'd probably have to be the one to confess first for this guy.
Is absolutely shocked that you like him too.
His main love language is 100% physical touch.
Would be too afraid of crushing you to cuddle up to you.
But when you cuddle up to him, oh gosh, you just made his day, no, his whole year.
Is definitely afraid to hug for similar reasons.
Practices gentle hugging on sticks and such just so he can.
Complimenting his art is another easy way to make his day.
As well as letting him infodump about random art facts.
He wouldn't use pet names on you unless you asked because he's so shy lol.
The first time you use a pet name on him, he'd probably almost faint.
Especially if you called him something like "teddy bear."
He'd might actual cry a little (happy tears ofc).
He loves just being able to carry you around everywhere on his shoulder.
He likes being your personal escort lol.
Sometimes, we he's feeling insecure, he needs reassurance you won't leave him for someone cooler.
For a big guy, he can be so sensitive.
And you mean the world to him.
#tfa x reader#tfa x human reader#x human reader#tf x human reader#tf x reader#transformers x human#transformers x human reader#transformers x reader#relationship headcanons#tfa bulkhead#tfa prowl#tfa bumblebee#tfa optimus prime#tfa ratchet#tfa optimus x reader#tfa Bumblebee x reader#tfa ratchet x reader#tfa prowl x reader#tfa bulkhead x reader#tfa#tfa fanfiction#tfa headcanons#transformers Animated#transformers Animated headcanons#transformers Animated x reader#headcanons#x reader headcanons#x reader
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it's been such an amazing day with your daddy. you and him have been exploring the city, seeing all the sights, and most importantly, flaunting your beautiful body to every attractive man you walk past in the streets as you hold his hand and smile. you can't hide it can you? you just love the attention almost as much as you love his. you'd let any man you desire take you in any way that you'd like... if only your daddy let you.
you walk back to his car with him, your hand still in his, laughing at each other's jokes like you have been all day; you're just such a happy little girl. to have his company, his personality, his voice, his touch, is everything to you. and it doesn't help that he's been teasing you all day with those very things. how you caught him eyeing you up and down as he made those suggestive remarks to you, smiled at every reaction as you blushed and clenched those legs together, when he groped you as he scanned around for any wandering eyes, how it made your skin crawl in the best of ways as you clutched him tighter. you can't help but love everything about him. you'd do anything for him, and you're always dying for more.
you can't even finish putting your things in the trunk before you're all over him, staring into those eyes like, like sapphires, like diamonds piercing into your soul in a way that warms you like no other. the smell of cigarettes and cologne on his body and breath as he leans in for a kiss you so happily accept. and how quickly it escalates with him, how fast you just wrap your arms around him and allow him to take control of you as your tongues interlock, the two of you being one.
next thing you know you're getting shoved in the backseat and spanked. he gets in, grabs you by the hair and without any hesitation, thrusts your mouth right onto his hard, throbbing cock. your eyes roll back and you immediately take it as far down your throat as you can. you don't care how much oxygen you lose, how much you struggle to breath, how bad your eyes water as they tear up with every gag, every time he chokes and slaps your pretty little cheek as a sign you're doing good. your only goal is to please your daddy, because that's all you've ever wanted; a real man, who's proud of his pretty fucktoy.
he pulls you up by your neck to praise you and give you time to get some air. and that's when you both see it; this entire time, there's been some pervert in the car right next to you, watching through tinted glass in the driver's seat like a fucking pervert. you can barely make out his face, but the shape of his mouth in the shadows is telling you he's stroking his dick right now, looking at every single disgusting act you've put yourself through just to please a man... but maybe you wanna please more than just a man now. maybe you were meant for more...
you feel your spine shiver as your daddy rolls the window down, shoving your head out and ordering you to stick out your tongue like a good little whore. the man in the car opens the door, and your suspicions are confirmed as your eyes look him up and down, and you see him clutching himself through his jeans. his eyes are like your daddy's; feral, burning, he wants to take you and gave exactly what daddy has. he'll never have you in that way. but you still want a man to have his way with you, whenever you want. so long as your daddy says you can, right?
"daddy... can i suck his cock please? i love your cock so much, but i'm just such a fucking slut... i was made for men to use me, to hurt me. i want it, i want it so fucking bad. i wanna be a happy girl daddy... can i please?"
he pulls you back inside and wraps you up in his arms from behind, has hand clasped over your mouth as her starts slowly running your clit. you hear the man in the car unbuckle his belt as he steps out and walks over to the window. you lean back to look your daddy dead in the eyes, your cunt a quivering mess, your body writhing in ecstasy. and with his lips against your ears, he tells you:
"you're gonna take his fucking cock. you're gonna let him do whatever i tell him to. and i'm telling him he can stuff your throat and smack that pretty face around all he wants. but these holes are fucking mine. you're mine. i own you, and you obey me. now stick your head out the window and choke on it, you pathetic rapeslut. you're gonna get what you deserve tonight."
#r@pe fantasy#r@pe kink#r@pe play#r@pe threats#r@petoy#r@pe k!nk#repulsiveanon#r4p3 kink#r4p3 m3#cnc k!nk#r4pepl4y#r@pe#r4ape kink#r4p3 fantasy#r@pe b@it
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Hey, let's talk :D
magicorangelove
#the first part I wholeheartedly agree with and would like to see too - no matter how you love someone it is An Adjustment to start#living with someone#after 30+ years living alone and having this image of a person in your mind#and i don’t actually think lsz lived WITH lwj when he was small#first seclusion and then he was 6-7… anyway#the last part i don’t particularly agree with ‘cause i don’t think THOSE are the parts lwj has no idea about or would find surprising#or eye-opening or whatever#the day-to-day struggles on the other hand?…#also i do think he got better with expressing himself by this time…#then I remember that he failed to tell wwx about ayuan#and go…maybe not…..#then i think how that might have been for wwx’s benefit and change my mind again…..
For me, Lan Zhan at some point will start catching up to the moral hangover, but not because he will be surprised by the less savoury parts of his beloved, but because he will start noticing his own willingness to accept them and that can be a scary thing.
(I don't mean that WWX is a bad person - he's actually a really good guy with his heart in the right place, who tries to do a good thing whenever he can. But he also has a checkered past, made some choices that, while understandable, are morally indefensible, and he has serious issues with emotional intimacy and honesty, and a scary penchant for self-sacrifice.)
Until the realtionship started, Lan Wangji's intention towards his Wei Ying was to be The Saviour.
Like, throughought the whole of Sunshot all he tried to do was to Save Him - from the bad war, from the bad cultivation, from the bad sects... Then, he spent over a decade regetting not Saving Him. And then WWX came back and it was saving him from the bad Jiang Cheng. So, for the last 20 or some years, LWJ lived exclusively in the mode of The Saviour. WWX returning had to be like a blessing to him, he finally could play out his greatest fantasy! He got to save his beloved from more than one villain and after all that, he got to kiss him and take him to bed home! Gasp! He got his happy ending! He got to ride of into the sunset and now...
...now what? What now, once LWJ has to start realising that Wei Ying doesn't need a Saviour anymore, and that outside of that role he doesn't really know what to do? Once he has a chance to process, to familiarise himself with Wei Ying the person, he will have to face some moral quandaries he didn't have to face before. He was raised in a certain way and, as much as he carries anger towards his sect and the rules he was raised in, he was still raised with certain kind of morality that, given his character, I don't see him discarding easily or without a solid reason.
Until now the reason was his role of the Saviour that subsumed everything else. But since he doesn't have to be that anymore, what came he his behind now?
Uncritical love?
I don't think Wei Wuxian is someone who can be loved uncritically - for his own good. As much as everyone would want that for themselves in the imaginary world, lack of boundaries in a relationship harms both sides. WWX is a person that will strain against every lead put on him - and if he can't feel one, he will keep desperately pushing further and further until he feels something holding him back.
That's how he lived his first life - notice, he was always fighting for the attention of the people who were providing him with barriers. He wasn't bothering Lan Xichen in Gusu (arguably evenore handsome than Wangji) - he was exclusively pissing off Wangji and Lan Qiren. He wasn't bothering JFM, trying to discover his boundaries - he was annoying the shit out of JC and almost taunting Madame Yu. Almost, as if he needed people who would try to limit him in some way. To feel safe, maybe? To feel noticed?
He was always noticed and it never seemed enough. What can Lan Zhan do that a whole Jiang sect wasn't enough to do for their super star? Love him? As if he wasn't loved before???
So, like, if Lan Zhan is not a Saviour, that means Wei Ying isn't the damsell - as much as he likes to play up being one. He's not the princess in need of a knight. He's not perfect. Not innocent - I think Wei Wuxian would at some point become desperate for Lan Zhan to know that he's not perfect, ecause for how long can you stand to be placed on a pedestal you feel you don't feel you deserve to stand on?
The whole "between us there's no need for thank yous and sorrys" is such a deep quote - as long as you're 15 and never had a meaningful relationship of any kind. Because thank yous and sorrys are a part of normal human communication, and that communication is needed to maintain any sort of relationship - and here we have two characters obscenly bad at communicating and emotional honesty, and once you take even that simple scaffold away...
Yeah, this won't be smooth sailing for either of them.
I'd really love to read a fic where a year past the canon ends, Lan Zhan starts to realise that his dreamed-up perfect relationship with Wei Ying isn't what he imagined it to be.
That what he got is actually a wholeass person with imperfections that will get annoying after a while, with opinions that he doesn't agree with and behaviours he's not prepared to just accept. A human person that will lie to keep him happy, that will leave when any possibility of strife approaches, that sometimes doesn't want to have sex - or that sex isn't a cure-all for their problems. That whatever Jiang Cheng experienced growing up with Wei Wuxian will fall on Wangji too, because love doesn't change you as a person in 100%, sorry.
Because that's what think will be a hurdle for him - he never was in a relationship. He never even had real human friends. Fuck, he doesn't seem to have acquaintances. All he ever had was a made-up image of a boy he knew shortly in his late teens and a sect where he was the lauded Young Master everyone respected. He can't stoically stand a kid talking back to him without a silencing spell and has difficulty expressing the most basic things in useful words. For all the soulmate talk, he didn't even know the boy he dreamed building a life with - that Wei Wuxian never existed outside of Wangji's limited glimpses of him and a lot of forgiving assumption.
Like, when will it hit him that Wei Ying is actually a complex human being that isn't just for him to care about and love, and that he himself isn't happy with some things? Will he one night wake up in cold sweat when he finally understands that the man sleeping next to him orchestrated a horiffic surgery on himself and his brother, and never indicated that he regrets it and wouldn't do it again? That the man sleeping next to him kinda-sorta just looked on as people were murdered in front of him, and didn't really have any strong opinion about being brought back via human sacrifice?
Like, discarding stiff and stifling Lan rules after being burned by them is one thing, but this is a moral quandary that goes way beyond that.
#mdzs#wangxian adjacent#i just don't buy their 'romance' as anything more than infatuation#because even when wwx is alive lwj is already falling for a concept of him#and wwx falls for the safety lwj symbolises when he needs to escape the emotional fallout of his death
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[Devour] Chapter 2: Yearning
Pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x fem!reader
Word count: 4.5K
Warnings: please read my blog's rules before interacting. 18+ mdni, angst, eventual smut, hurt/no comfort, explicit sexual content, undertones of misogyny (because the 'olden days'), mature themes, depiction of gore and violence, mentions of pregnancy and abortion. Please note that these warnings pertain to the entire series as a whole, and not just to this specific chapter.
Tags: mini series, angst, smut, Heian Era, true form Sukuna
Summary: Sukuna brings you back to a temple, where he resides. There you also meet Uraume. You begin to doubt if running away was the best idea, but then, Sukuna offers to be your ally. Unbeknownst to you, he has his own ulterior motives for helping you.
A/N: It's here! Not going to lie, I struggled a bit with this chapter. Since this is a mini series, I would say we're already about 35% through the story, things will progress quickly in the upcoming chapters. Based on my planning, I'm looking at about four more chapters. I don't have an exact release date for Chapter 3 like I did with this chapter, but I'll post an update when it's almost complete! If you would like to be added on the tag list for this series, please let me know/leave a comment here. Thank you so much for reading and stay tuned. x
Masterlist: < Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 (To be continued) >
Sukuna had always deemed love meaningless. It was a feeling that held people back, making them irrational and reckless. Over the years, he had witnessed the greatest kingdoms burn and the strongest men fall, all in the name of 'love.' But the tragedy lay in the fact that, after all was said and done, that love seldom lasted. At the end of the day, people were weak and fickle, rendering love volatile. He often wanted to ask those who sacrificed everything for love: Was it all worth it in the end?
In order to attain his height of power—to become the strongest—Sukuna had given up everything, including his humanity. He had mastered the art of detachment, for attachments only served to tie one down. Letting go of all things was the inevitable cost of power, but it was an easy and insignificant sacrifice for someone like him—who had nothing to lose in the first place.
Yet, despite the King of Curses' strong convictions, there remained one glaring contradiction in his life: you. No matter how hard he tried, he could not detach himself from you. Even after all these years, his burning desire for you was a flame he could not quell, and it only seemed to grow hungrier with time.
Throughout the years, Sukuna had conditioned himself into believing that you were always going to be an unattainable dream—a fantasy that was never meant to become reality. It was better that it remained this way. You deserved to live a peaceful life, and he could continue to live out his days as the King of Curses without restraint.
But what should he do—now that his dream had become reality?
For someone with a wretched life like his, he never believed in any gods. But for the first time in his life, the King of Curses acknowledged that this reunion must have been the universe's divine will—a preordained fate. It seemed that the two of you were destined to be together.
Yes, he thought to himself, since the universe has willed it, then you shall be his exception.
He vowed that as long as he kept you by his side, you would not be a source of his weakness.
At this realization, a dark possessiveness took over him.
This time he would stake his claim.
---
Though you were no longer the little girl Sukuna had once met, he couldn't help but notice how small you were under his hold. Some things didn't change; you were still his little flower.
“It’s me, flower,” he said, urgency creeping into his voice as if he were calling into your subconscious, imploring you to remember.
You trembled in his embrace; the adrenaline coursing through you made it difficult to think straight. His words did not register as you struggled to gather your chaotic thoughts, while your mind screamed at you to run.
You remind me of flowers. The voice suddenly echoed in your mind.
“R-Ryo?” you gasped, finally making the connection.
With shaking hands, you roamed his figure, seeking confirmation in the darkness. Your fingertips softly brushed over his features. Was this a dream? Had you already died? How was it that after all these years, he was finally here—especially in your most dire moment? The surrealness of this situation felt too good to be true.
“I-It really is you,” your voice quivered with emotion. “I-I can't believe it. All this time... I thought I would never see you again."
“I'm here now, flower,” he said, capturing your hand in his. “Come with me; it’s not safe.”
Before you could utter another word, he effortlessly scooped you up, and you instinctively held on to him, tightening your grip, afraid that if you let go he would slip away again.
Sukuna traversed the forest at an inhuman speed. He seemed to know the terrain well, navigating it with ease, but for you, all you saw was unending darkness; the gust of wind threading through your hair was the only sign that you were moving. Your heart raced as he cradled you against his strong body; you could feel the heat radiating from him, evoking a warm and familiar feeling within you—a feeling that you have yearned for so many years.
Moments later, you found yourself in a clearing. Under the clear night sky, vast greenery and towering mountains loomed around you. At the foot of one mountain, a grand tree stood beside an ancient temple. Sukuna gently set you on your feet, and now that you were out in the clearing, you could get a better look at him. Standing before you was no longer the little boy from your memories; he had transformed into a formidable man—perhaps the largest person you had ever seen. He wore an oversized kimono, his bare chest exposed, and his muscular build attested to the life he had lived throughout the years. Your gaze was then drawn to the unmistakable bloodstains on his clothing.
“Are you hurt?” your brows furrowed in concern as your hand ghosted over the stains.
“Nothing worth fretting over; they do not belong to me,” he said, a smile involuntarily curving his lips at the concern you displayed.
Sukuna lifted your chin to meet his gaze. In the moonlight, he could see you with much more clarity.
“Beautiful,” he murmured, a hint of longing evident in his eyes.
Heat rushed to your face at his touch, but you were grateful that the night concealed it.
“How did you know to find me?" you quietly asked.
“The forest and the mountain are my domain,” Sukuna replied, brushing his thumb over your lower lip, as if he was trying to engrave your features into his memory. “You were lucky I found you before something else did.”
Something in your gut told you it couldn't have been mere coincidence, but you decided to keep that thought to yourself. It wasn't the time nor the place for interrogations.
"I see," you smiled wearily. "Thank you... you saved me yet again."
Your words stirred a nostalgic memory within him.
As you continued to stand there in silence, the brave facade you had been putting up began to crumble. All the events that had led you to this moment settled within you, and the feelings you had long suppressed surged to the surface—grief, resentment, confusion, fear, relief, yearning—a tempest you could no longer keep at bay.
“All these years, I’ve been searching for you,” your voice cracked, tears brimming in your eyes.
"I know," he replied, his tone low and hushed.
“Y-You did?"
Sukuna nodded.
"Then why, Ryo? Did you not want to see me?” Your chest tightened at his admission, and tears began to roll down your face.
“It was for the best.” Sukuna's jaw clenched. The sight of you crying evoked a sense of dread within him.
“The best for who?”
A brief silence hung in the air, heavy with unspoken words.
“That no longer matters, flower. We're here now, and I won't let you go again,” he said, gently wiping a stray tear from your face.
You knew he was hiding something from you, but that mattered little right now. Your body reacted before your mind, and you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace.
---
Wooden floors creaked beneath you as you crossed the threshold of the temple, and an inexplicable wave of energy washed over you. It was intense yet comforting, like the warmth of the sun—like him.
The temple was small and modest, but it felt peaceful and comfortable. It was also evident that the wooden interior had been well-maintained despite how ancient it was. The air was filled with the soothing scents of incense and cedarwood.
The earlier conversation with Sukuna loomed over you, leaving so many questions unanswered. While you could still sense a semblance of the little boy within him, he also felt unfamiliar and distant; after all, so much time had passed. You longed to know everything about him, to fill in the gaps, but perhaps that would have to wait.
As you took a closer look around the main hall, your eyes wandered to the beautifully crafted sliding doors at the back, which were fully open to reveal a serene garden that captivated you with its lush greenery and vibrant flowers.
“It’s so beautiful,” you breathed.
Sukuna looked at you under the soft glow of the candlelight illuminating the hall, and your heart began to race under his gaze amid the intimacy of the setting. He watched you intently as if he could hear the intense beating of your heart—
“Sukuna-sama, you’re back,” a gentle voice cut through the air.
You turned to find a young person standing there. Their gender was ambiguous, but their appearance reminded you of winter's first snowfall. They exuded a calm and serene presence.
“Uraume,” Sukuna acknowledged, gesturing toward you. “She is with me. Draw her a bath and prepare some fresh clothes. I’ll get a fire started.”
“Yes, Sukuna-sama,” Uraume replied, hastily leaving for the back of the temple.
You watched as Sukuna stripped off his kimono, revealing his muscular upper body adorned with tattoos.
“Ryo, where are you going?” you asked, trying to mask the fluster in your voice.
Sukuna turned back to look at you with a smile. “I’m going to hunt some game. We’ll fill our stomachs before going to bed.”
---
The warmth of the hot spring quickly melted away the stress of the day. You still could not wrap your head around the uncanny turn of events; it felt like a nightmare turned dream. Instead of being married to Lord Yamamoto, you were now reunited with the one person who had always occupied your thoughts. A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you reached for a washcloth to gently remove your makeup. You knew that there would be other matters to address later, but for now, you wanted to savor this brief respite.
Sinking the lower half of your head into the water, you blew small bubbles, and images of Sukuna and the man he had become flashed in your mind, sending a warmth throughout your body.
Sukuna's renown had been spreading in recent years, and you were acutely aware of his reputation. Whispers surrounded him, calling him the King of Curses—the strongest jujutsu sorcerer of the era. There was much debate over whether he was merely a man or a deity, while others believed him to be a demon in disguise. Your village, having a strong aversion to jujutsu sorcery, viewed it as more of a curse than a gift and seemed to believe he was nothing short of a demon.
Regardless, you had only ever known him as Ryo, so you never gave much thought to the rumors. Man, deity, or demon—whatever he was, you would have accepted him unconditionally. Despite the time apart, you still felt an inexplicable tether to him.
I won't let you go again.
Those words stirred an emotion within you when he had initially spoken them, but doubts and hesitation lingered in your mind. Had it not been for your current predicament, you would have been more inclined to stay with him.
You held your breath and submerged yourself entirely beneath the warm water, hoping to silence these chaotic thoughts—even if just for a moment.
---
Feeling refreshed as you stepped out of the temple in a new set of clothes, you noticed that a fire had already been started and that Uraume was preparing some vegetables.
“Uraume-san,” you smiled as you walked over, “is there anything I can help you with?”
“Y/N-san,” Uraume exclaimed, a gentle light in their eyes. “All the preparations are nearly complete. Why don’t you sit by the fire first? Sukuna-sama should be back soon.”
You hesitated and looked to see if there was still anything to help with, but noticing how there was not much else, you acquiesced and made your way to the fire. You watched in awe as Uraume skillfully finished the last touches of their work. Soon after, they settled down beside you. It was a comfortable silence between the two of you, accompanied by the crackling of the fire.
“Have you and Ryo always lived here?” you tried to make conversation.
Uraume nodded, their expression thoughtful. “We’ve lived here for quite some time. I owe him my life.”
You looked at Uraume, curiosity piqued.
“I was at death’s door when he found me as a child,” Uraume confessed softly. “He took me under his wing.”
“He’s always been kind.” You smiled contemplatively.
“Yes,” Uraume agreed. There was a brief pause. “He…has also mentioned you before.”
“He has?”
Uraume nodded. “He said there was once a girl he met who lived in a village not too far from here. She was as kind as she was beautiful, and she reminded him of flowers. When I saw you, I knew you were that girl.”
It warmed your heart to know that he had spoken about you, but it also felt bittersweet.
“Ah, he’s back,” Uraume remarked, glancing behind you.
Your eyes widened at the spectacular sight before you. Sukuna had a deer slung over his shoulder, effortlessly making his way toward the two of you; he trekked as if the deer weighed nothing.
Sukuna dropped the deer by the fire, and Uraume instinctively got up, ready to prepare the meat. You watched as Sukuna slashed the deer's throat, collecting the blood in a bowl. A wave of queasiness washed over you, and you looked away, unable to face the brutal sight. Sukuna settled down beside you while Uraume got to work, efficiently cutting up the rest of the deer.
“Drink every last drop,” he commanded, handing the bowl to you.
“I—I don't think I can,” you put your hand out in defense, the metallic stench making your stomach churn.
“You are malnourished,” he said, grabbing your wrist to examine its size. “Have you not been looking after yourself?”
“I have,” you insisted, attempting to wiggle your wrist free from his grasp. His touch felt searing against your skin.
“You will drink this, unless you would like me to feed you,” Sukuna insisted, handing you the bowl once more, the intensity in his eyes leaving no room for argument.
You took the bowl in both hands, trembling slightly. As you watched the thick red liquid swirl inside, you held your breath and brought it to your lips, tilting it ever so slightly and allowing the liquid to slip into your mouth and down your throat. Just as you were about to lower the bowl, Sukuna's hand clasped over yours, tilting the bowl upward to ensure you finished everything.
“That’s it, flower—every last drop,” he said, his voice low and steady. When he was satisfied that you had consumed all of it, he released his grip and took the bowl from your hands. You gagged at the aftertaste, coughing as a trickle of blood ran down your chin. Sukuna's eyes grew dark at the sight; he wiped the blood from your chin with his thumb, then licked it clean.
“Ryo—!” you gasped, teary-eyed. “N-no more of that, please.”
“That will depend on how well you eat,” a hint of playfulness threaded through his voice.
“Do you drink this too?” you asked, clearing your throat.
"Of course, the blood of a deer is a highly nutritious delicacy. Did you know in some places, it is a drink shared by a married couple on their wedding night?" Sukuna smirked.
You shudder at the thought. This blood drinking experience was something that you hoped would be your first and last. But the slight implication that Sukuna made at the end also made you a bit shy.
Uraume handed a plate of skewered meat to Sukuna, and you marveled at how quickly they had prepared it. You watched as Sukuna stabbed each skewer into the ground by the fire, your attention lingering on the flames that seemed to beckon you.
"I should have whisked you away from the village earlier, had I known you were not being fed properly." Sukuna intently watched you with one of his eyes, sensing your tension.
"Well, why didn't you?" you muttered. The words escaped your mouth before you could stop it.
You were sure he had his reasons for staying away, yet you couldn’t hide your disappointment in him for keeping his distance. So much precious time had been lost, and so many what-ifs lingered in your mind.
It was juvenile, but you often dreamt of how the two of you would grow up together—an inseparable duo, the best of friends. Then, when you came of age, he would have asked you to follow him, and you would have gladly followed him anywhere. The two of you would travel all over the land, experiencing the world side by side. Perhaps, somewhere along the way, he would have asked you to marry him, and you would have said 'yes' without skipping a beat—
"Come now, don't sulk, flower," Sukuna said, breaking you out of your thoughts. "You're here now. We will make up for lost time."
"You speak as if I'm going to be staying here for good," you couldn't help but challenge him a little.
It might have been your imagination, but you thought his expression darkened for a split second.
"It sounds like you have somewhere to go then."
"I—well, I didn’t have too much time to think details. But I planned to make my way to a far out village, where no one will be able to find me."
"That would be difficult," Sukuna hummed.
"It’s worth a try… better than yielding to the fate I was subjugated to." You hugged your knees.
"Enlighten me, what was someone’s bride doing in the middle of the forest?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
There was a hesitation in telling him about your plight, but you knew it was also an unavoidable topic—after all, he had saved you, so an explanation was due at the very least.
“I ran away… from a marriage I wanted no part of.”
“How bold,” he chuckled. “It’s very like you.”
“It’s hardly a laughing matter, Ryo,” you huffed, anxiety evident in your voice.
“But you've successfully escaped. Should this not be a cause to celebrate?” he cocked an eyebrow.
“I don't know if I would consider it successful just yet," you narrowed your eyes. "I didn’t just run away from any man; I ran away from a lord. My village hoped to leverage my marriage with Lord Yamamoto for aid. There will be repercussions for my actions.”
Sukuna listened as he rotated the skewers.
"Hm, I suppose that is quite the predicament. Whatever shall you do then?" His question came out more like a taunt than a show of concern.
"Are you mocking my situation?" You frowned, your expression dropping as self-doubt crept in. You had to admit that you'd been reckless with your decision, and you didn't exactly have a reliable plan. You wouldn’t have even made it out of the forest had it not been for Sukuna.
“Of course not. Don't look so defeated," he softly tsked, smoothing the crease between your brows with his fingers.
You looked at him with a mixture of surprise and hesitation.
"Is there any reason for you to worry if I am going to be by your side?" he returned your gaze, a burning confidence in his eyes.
“It’s not so simple, Ryo. I don’t want you to be caught in my problems—”
“A mere lord and your measly village is not a problem,” Sukuna replied, passing a skewer to you.
You reluctantly accepted the skewer, your fingers momentarily brushing against his hand during the exchange. As divine as the meat smelled, you couldn't bring yourself to eat; your worries and anxiety loomed large over your head.
"It's not going to eat itself if you keep staring at it," Sukuna sighed, crossing his four arms and giving you a stern look.
Taking a tiny bite, your eyes momentarily lit up. It tasted even better than it smelled. Before you knew it, you had devoured the entire skewer, and Sukuna was already handing you another one. Perhaps you were hungrier than you had thought, but his pleased expression did not escape you—he cared, and that alone filled you with immense happiness.
"Do you not wish to stay here?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"It's not about what I want," you shook your head. "What if something happens to both of you because of me?"
"You needn't worry about us, Y/N-san; we are more than capable of dealing with Lord Yamamoto," Uraume smiled at you. Their gentle reassurance only seemed to amplify your guilt.
"We can't be sure of that—"
“Are you not aware of what they call me?”
You sighed, a sense of apprehension filling your chest. "I am..."
“Then if you know my reputation, you should understand that even if Lord Yamamoto and his entire arsenal, along with your village, were to descend upon us right now, they would not stand a chance.”
Sukuna seemed adamant about helping, but that only served to heighten your uneasiness. It wasn't that you doubted his capabilities; but you also understood that your actions would have dire consequences. A runaway bride of Lord Yamamoto wasn't a matter that would be overlooked so easily. Surely, the four men who had escorted you had reported back to their lord that you had escaped. Even if Sukuna could easily deal with them, he would be branded a criminal—forever having to be on the run. He had endured enough hardships in his life, and it felt like you were only adding to his strife. You didn't deserve this kindness from him; his life was fine before you came along.
"This will be your home. You will be safe as long as you stay by my side. So stay here, Y/N.” An unexpected possessiveness laced Sukuna's voice.
You looked up at Sukuna in surprise; you had never heard him call your name before. His eyes silently pleaded with you to stay—shattering your resolve.
"Tell me you need my help, flower," Sukuna urged, looking into your eyes with an intensity that made your breath hitch.
A lingering silence filled the air, broken only by the crackling of the fire and the rhythm of your heartbeat.
"Help me, Ryo…" you finally said.
---
You hadn't felt so full in a long time. Sukuna had ensured you ate your share of food before retiring to bed. Following behind him, you were led to your sleeping accommodations, and to your surprise, he took you into his chamber, which overlooked a small private garden and hot spring.
The temple was modest in size, containing only two bedrooms. It didn’t feel right to intrude on Uraume's private quarters, especially since it was Sukuna's decision to keep you, but he also couldn’t deny he had other intentions.
Before crawling into bed, you turned to meet Sukuna's gaze.
“Ryo… I don’t know how I could ever repay you. If there's anything I can do for you, you must tell me," you said earnestly.
“Hmm,” he paused, feigning contemplation.
You looked at him eagerly, trying to anticipate what he could ask for.
"Anything?" he drawled, rubbing his chin.
You nodded.
“Alright," he smirked, "swear yourself to me.”
Your eyes widened. You weren’t exactly sure what that entailed, but you trusted him implicitly. He most likely needed an extra hand with taking care of the temple and doing some extra work around here.
“A-are you sure that’s all you want? That hardly seems adequate, I am troubling you after all.” You fidgeted with the hem of your sleeves.
"You undermine yourself, flower."
“Oh, well, I do have many skills I could offer, and I promise to be useful around here. I’m quite knowledgeable about plants, herbs, and flowers. I may not be as good a cook as Uraume, but—”
"Staying by my side is enough," he interjected.
There was a sincerity in his voice that was new to you, making your heart do flips inside your chest.
"Ryo..." you spoke quietly, clasping your hands tightly. "I might misunderstand if you're so kind to me."
Oh, what a delight you were. Sukuna felt an intense urge to smother you.
“Well, what if I wanted more than just your domestic skills?” he asked lowly, taking a lock of your hair into his hands.
Your heart raced, and suddenly the room felt hot as you understood his implications.
“Is that… what you truly desire?"
"And if it is?"
There was a brief pause.
Just this morning, you were still in utter despair, wholly expecting to be wedded to a monster. But now, in this moment, it was not Lord Yamamoto before you, but rather the man of your dreams—the only man you had wished to marry. He had long claimed your mind and heart; what more was your body?
"Then take me," your voice was barely above a whisper.
Sukuna’s eyes darkened, but why did he feel so disappointed by your response? It almost rolled off your tongue too easily.
"You would just give yourself to any man, so long as they ask?"
"N-no, you misunderstand!"
Sukuna remained silent, the look in his eyes demanding you to elaborate.
"If that were true, I wouldn’t have ran away from Lord Yamamoto. You're not just any man to me, Ryo. I—" love you. The heat crept up to your ears.
Your timid confession sent a chilling thrill through his body, awakening a primal hunger within him, he could no longer resist.
“Do you truly wish to be mine?” he asked, tucking your hair behind your ear. You felt dizzy under his touch and gaze.
"Yes..."
"Look at me and say it." He hissed.
"I'm yours, Ryo. I want to be yours." You met his eyes and gently took his hand, placing it over your heart, hoping he could feel how violently it was beating against your chest.
“You didn’t need to ask me to swear myself to you; I would have gladly followed you anywhere. I've felt that way ever since we were children.”
Sukuna was rarely caught off guard. The first time he recalled was when you approached him as a child, and the second was this very moment. You had just confessed your feelings for him and expressed a desire to stay with him of your own volition. Nobody else had ever been able to elicit these feelings from him, and the dominion you unknowingly held over him was both terrifying and thrilling.
"Then I will take you, flower—your heart, body, and soul."
Without sparing another moment, he wrapped his hand behind your head and crushed his lips against yours in a searing kiss. The world around you fell silent.
For once, it felt as if the universe had smiled upon his wretched life.
Writing © xechu - please do not redistribute, translate, or repost any of my works.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures used for the banner.
Taglist: @paradisestarfishh @ssetsuka
#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#jjk fanworks#jjk angst#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#xechu#xechu fanfics#jjk smut#jjk x you#ryomen sukuna x y/n#ryomen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jujutsu kaisen fandom#jujutsu kaisen fic#jjk fic#ryomen sukuna#jjk ryomen#sukuna ryomen smut#ryomen x you#ryomen x y/n#jjk sukuna#sukuna smut#sukuna series
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Pretend just for a second that's me bursting through the walls from pure excitement.
Honestly, so many people are putting in so many great points on this post that I can’t respond to each individually. (I wish I could) If you are a writer that has a lot of anxiety I definitely recommend going through the responses of this post! It might help!
I believe that everyone here has great points and honestly, it's helping me a lot. Though I do kind of want to brush up on an area that I know I've been suffering with as a writer and someone who is disabled. Which is partially why I'm making this post now. (I'm in a constant battle with OCD and my ass is normally being handed to me)
Though there is definitely no "Perfect" word length, I know some (such as myself) have problems with fitting in or working without the cursed idea of having the perfect word count. For me, I find myself unable to post a chapter unless it's over 10k words because in my head that is the perfect length. This thought is false but also true at the same time. Apart of me knows that whatever length the chapter is, is perfect. But the other part (let's call it the word goblin) wants to meet a specific goal that is sometimes unachievable.
I'm chronically ill and this bastard (the goblin) wants me to sit down and write a 10k chapter in one sitting and when I don't, he (they/she/it/gob gob? I'm not on a first name or pronoun basis with this thing) begins to jump around in my skull like that DVD logo that never reaches the corner of the tv.
And that's something I'm struggling with right now. I used to be able to write a chapter (over 10k words) and feel proud of it within two days. Now I can barely make it to 4k words in a week but strangely I find that I'm still just as proud, if not more, of the things I'm writing. Even though sometimes I would love for Gregory House to just appear in front of me and bonk me on the head with his silly flamed cane and cure every little problem I have in my head. (Technically Foreman, the neurologist, would be the one who would have to help me but that's beside the point.) I know that without my silly little demon (Tourette's) and his little minions (other disabilities) that I probably would be stuck in the never-ending cycle of burning myself out.
As I write this, I realize that I've kind of lost the point I was making. What I was trying to say before my thoughts went wild was that if you are someone who can't escape the concept of "perfect" or need it to function (because lets be honest, some of us really need to be told what to do, me and decisions are constantly in a boxing ring dodging each other) just know that if you can't meet those standards its ok. It probably doesn't feel ok in the moment but that feeling won't last forever. You'll get back up whether you do it by yourself or someone manhandles you to your feet and smacks some sense back into you. (Or hugs you, what that someone does depends on the person you are. I'm a stubborn and spiteful little bitch so I need to get "smacked around" by someone to realize I don't have to do everything by myself.)
And as someone who needs to visually see that people really don't care that much about word lengths, I'm going to leave some screenshots below and I highly recommend any struggling writers who have OCD, chronic illnesses or are simply just a perfectionist to read them. And maybe it can help :)
Also sorry for the long post, I've been having these thoughts for days now and kind of wanted to release them into the world. But quick conclusion, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT WHEN IT COMES TO WORD COUNT OR IN WRITING. WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT. WRITE PORN, WRITE FLUFF, WRITE LITERALLY ANYTHING, THE WORLD IS YOURS BABY (the word baby is not being targeted at you as a person or as a reader but is just a word that sounded like it would fit and I felt that it belonged there you know?)
I'm currently writing and trying to figure out what could be a possible middle ground for chapter lengths and just want some general feedback on what the (heavy on quotation) "perfect" length is. But I kind of want to hear why some of these lengths are better than others, or if you're someone who doesn't pay attention to length but the quality what are some things that normally keep you interested in longer chapters (or even shorter chapters) I have my own opinions as a reader but as a writer I'm very interested in what the 'general' opinion is. (I don't think I'll personally cater to the majority, but I really enjoy conversations that revolve around topics like this and its been a while since Ive had a deep conversation with other readers/writers and wanted to start one if anyone wants to discuss :)
#Sorry I'm kind of a rambler when it comes to these things#I have so many opinions and thoughts and they have to break free Freddie mercury style#there is no such thing as perfect and I refuse to let anyone believe there is#Except myself#I'm built different and can handle having to have things perfect#i kind of really hope that this is helpful to someone#though just want to toss it out there that if you are someone out there struggling with some of things I am don't be afraid to bug me#I enjoy having a good conversation about topics like that#I'm better at answering asks then dms but I will get to you at some point I promise :)#also i couldn't help but drop a house reference#what can I say im a little silly#though if anyones curious#I have tourettes/adhd/OCD/ FND (which includes chronic pain and seizures) which heavily impacts my ability to do things#and I hate being disabled but Im not afraid or ashamed of what I have I just didn't want to have the entire post being about my disabilitie#I now feel like I got something off my chest and hope everyone has a wonderful day#Imma go back to writing steddie now#i hope this post makes sense
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I need to start thinking of ideas for the prompt list I made to get myself to sketch more in October, but instead I'm drawing self-indulgent comics about cats 😭
#lots of words in the tags!!!#i was watching the livestream and drawing until midnight#but i sketched the whole comic and refined the sketch so i can do lineart over it#and started the lineart and used a new brush and hoooooly shit i love it#i love what i've done so far#and i almost didn't draw at all last night because i was having a kinda hard day with the brain#but boy howdy those 3 hours of drawing helped so much#i need to get back to work now so i can start drawing before 9 pm today#but i have been thinking about it non-stop#also there's something really really incredible about making something like this and seeing the art improvement clearly#i think i've said it before but i used to have such trouble with things like hands and expressions and movement#and i'm not saying i can't or don't hope to do better with them still#but now i don't feel like i struggle AS MUCH and i don't dread drawing these things anymore#i cannot believe that my#what is this#like a furry era or something?? idk#i can't believe it's pushed me to get better at art than i ever have before#thanks if you read this far <3#this is eli
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aaaaa how do you draw muzzles so good!? I can never get muzzles to look right :<
(Sorry for how long it took me to respond to this ;;;)
They're definitely tricky! For me, I sorta just studied how different artists I like draw muzzles to get to where I am - don't be afraid to do some studies of your own! Owlspark over on Twitter has made a pretty handy guide on how they draw their style, which includes muzzles along with face structure and limbs if you'd like to take a look!
I unfortunately don't really know what else to say ;;; My best advice for this sorta stuff is just to practice! Practice with a goal in mind, and as you meet the goals you've set, you'll find new things to try, practice, and learn in turn.
#azuritalks#ask#azel-the-umbreon#thanks for the ask! i'm. very happy that people think i draw muzzles well omg#i struggled with those things so much back in the day and i still feel like they don't come out right sometimes#they're definitely one of those things that are deceptively annoying to get right#don't give up and keep at it! wishing you the best of luck o7
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Editing takes forever and it's lonely and boring to do it for too long by myself, I'm gonna stream a session at some point
#I would say /j but would I mean it? I don't think so#Y'all have seen some of the before-and-afters but the actual process takes so looooonnngggg agghhhh#I try to drop in 16 images at a time and count each of those sets as their own batch#Just to give myself a bit of a break and not lump a whole day of editing into ''Did One (1) thing''#No I did Many things thank you - important for brain health and recognizing scope and all that#But even with it broken up that much I still struggle keeping on track - even taking it easy#I do genuinely think a lot of it is the FOMO/guilt of being asocial/genuine social motive decay lol#I dunno if I'd be able to swing it this year but it'd be kind neat to stream some of the Requestobers at some point too :0#I really need to transfer some files over so I can keep up with video editing hwegh#Things all over! Always!#But I feel like I'm starting to climb back on at least haha#Getting there! Slowly - always - but progress is progress
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Hana watched him stand, a bittersweet smile playing on her lips as he ruffled her hair. His words, light and teasing, made her heart swell with affection for him, though she could feel the weight of everything unsaid lingering between them. She didn’t respond to his playful remark, not because she didn’t want to, but because her heart was too full of the quiet, unspoken truth she couldn’t bring herself to say. She remained seated, her fingers resting on the spot where his warmth had lingered moments before. Even in the silence, there was something so incredibly comforting about his presence. It was as if no matter how much their worlds shifted or changed, they would always find their way back to one another. As the door clicked shut behind him, Hana allowed herself a deep breath, still feeling the echo of his vulnerability, still wrapped in the afterglow of the connection they’d shared. Her eyes drifted to the window, her gaze distant, unfocused. She couldn’t help but think about the things she could never say, the thoughts that still haunted her in the quiet of moments like this.
Maybe if the accident never happened… She thought, her mind wandering to that time before everything changed. Maybe if I was still the same person I was then… if I still had my voice… maybe I could have been the person he deserves.
Her chest tightened as the memory of her former life, her former self, tugged at her heart. Before the accident, before her voice was taken from her (even if it was a choice), she was someone else entirely. Someone strong, someone whole. But now, she was broken. And no matter how much Everest cared for her, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t worthy of his love. He deserved so much more than this—more than someone who couldn’t even speak without struggle, more than someone who could no longer offer the world she once thought she could. She had never quite realized how much her music had defined her until it was gone. There were times when she would find herself watching old videos of her performances, of her old band, just to hear her own voice again. The sound of it was so foreign now, as if it belonged to someone else. Someone stronger, someone unbroken. Each note, each word, was a painful reminder of what she had lost.
And yet, here she was, sitting in silence, holding onto a connection with Everest that she couldn’t quite understand. He was so much to her, yet she felt like she was giving him nothing in return. She wanted to tell him—tell him how much she appreciated him, how much she longed for things to be different. But there was a part of her that feared if she did, it would all fall apart. That he would see her for what she really was now—broken, incomplete—and walk away. And that fear, that silent terror, kept her tongue tied, her heart heavy with unspoken words.
She closed her eyes and exhaled, willing herself to push those thoughts aside for now. Maybe one day, everything would fall into place. She hoped, she really did. But for now, it was just a dream. And dreams were dangerous. They were fragile things, often slipping away when you least expected them to. But no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, the truth remained: She didn’t deserve him. Not in the way he deserved someone whole. Someone who could be his equal in all things.
he wasn’t the best at showing emotions other than his anger when someone innocent would suffer. all of the rest has been bottled deep within and at this moment, it erupted like a volcano. the hot lava was his tears burning as they continued trickling down his face. the sweet and caring gestures from hana were like the green light for him to just let it all out. his body shaking while he cried, even when he felt the lingering kiss on the top of his head, then the slight weight of her head resting against his. while his heart ached, he could have sworn it also felt a certain warmth at the same time. unknowingly to her, she was mending him. her actions spoke louder than any word could, everest knew that. aside from their bickering, which he absolutely loved, she always took such good care of him to the point he had sat alone at home, thinking. thinking if he could ever repay her for everything she had done until now. he hated reading into what they had as more than just a friendship, way too scared that if he revealed his feelings, he would ruin everything between them. one day, he would muster up the courage and talk about it. just one day, he would let her know.
with his raging thoughts calming down, his shaking body did too and the tears slowly ceased. taking deep breaths, everest realized his sleeve was soaked with tears after crying a bucket. somehow, the silence wasn’t so deafening now and his chest didn’t feel so tight. her presence, her touch, her warmth was the silent promise she would be there and he knew that, putting him at ease. the familiar ding of his phone indicating that the food he had forgotten he ordered was nearby, made him finally move his arm away. albeit not wanting to move, ruin this intimate moment, he slowly pushed himself to sit up. his expression conveyed just how much this meant to him– her being there and holding him through this eruption of emotions. he would do the same for her in a heartbeat. “ they’ll be here soon. ” he looked at his phone, seeing how their food seemed to be approximately five minutes away. everest got up, giving her hair a gentle but playful ruffle before shooting her a charming smile on his way. “ i'll be right back, don't miss me too much. ” he said while opening the door, making sure to wipe his face using his sleeves as napkins before heading downstairs.
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i think something moonage daydream was really good at doing was capturing a vibe
#sir.txt#the thing it was second best at was painting a picture... that movie is a watercolor rendition of a galaxy to me#i feel like the linear progression of bowie's life in the movie never being marked by any specific dates not even years... it gives it that#not cut and dry feeling. none of these events exist solely in one day of one year they are something that will span longer than ourselves#one day- a couple of hours- stretched into infinity simply by the fact that they were not confined within a date#i think that's something worthy of bowie. to be immortalized not through the medium itself but by how the medium refuses to cage him within#any set parameters that would be too extreme and unsatisfying for him would he be there to choose#instead letting him trespass all those barriers and just be and transcend#my boyfriend says the film is like bowies superstar cosmic journal well i say the film is like bowies watercolor rendition of a galaxy in#formation- and all the stars are still forming and the watercolor still hasn't dried as another layer is added so shades melt within-into-#each other#like how bowie refused to keep himself caged within one style one look one identity he surpassed all of those boundaries and transformed#into something else... it is only fair that the film capture it in a similar way... all of the flashy colors and editing is just a#projection of bowies spirit itself in all its vibrancy and extravagance without being supercilious#this movie was touching but also fun for the sake of fun and eccentric for the sake of eccentricity. it's a must watch for whoever loves#bowie at his most raw and unrestrained and undefined... i felt like falling through the screen to bw held by him at several moments#BECAUSE that's what the movie is it's the galaxy wrapping its arms around the unknowing astronaut#and welcoming them into itself because nobody in this reality is actually an outsider of life- nobody passively observes the universe-#that's something that i found very moving in the film was how bowie surpassed that feeling of all-encompassing loneliness that was#what propeled him to create art... and found acceptance and loving and understood he wasn't alien to all of it.#it's very moving again like i said. but specially movingfor someone like me who struggles so hard not to simply idly observe things and let#life reject me. I can't keep letting these things write themselves into existence over and over and maybe just maybe#that film helped me snap back into a higher sense of lucidity where i realise i have to take control of my life#but like. anyway.#bowies life is very mythologised but in part it is very much a self constructed myth which he himself took the time to skillfully architect#and its such that myth ceases to be only in suspension and untangible: bowie being extraterrestrial.#he.... he integrates so much into the planet he does become an energy traversing through earth. he becomes life itself but in the least self#important way this sentiment could be expressed.#there will never be another bowie- as there will never be another dylan or reed or lennon. there will never be circumstances which will come#but to quote the movie. his life hasnt ended. only changed. thats beautiful. anyways my tags are up
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i’ve really been an army for over six years huh. i’ve been an army for almost a third of my life
#i was 15 when i discovered them. jk was fucking 19 and now i’m 21 and hes turning 26 like i’ve actually grown up with them#i’m so excited and impatient for the future with them but im also sad for all the experiences i had as a baby army that i can never get back#my first year as an army was almost entirely on tumblr and the community used to be so big and social and just. so much fun#even my first couple years on army twt feel so nostalgic now. there were bad things of course but also so many great things#i just feel so lucky to have lived through these last few years with them and i never want to lose those feelings#aeron.txt#it’s so cliche but there really are so many things that you just had to be there for#the struggle of joining their fancafe (i definitely gave up after the first few tries)#the first bangtan bomb they added closed captions to (and when they took them away as punishment for spreading an exclusive fancafe video)#(i still hold that video of the tannies taking turns kissing taehyung so very close to my heart)#their first ever bbma. their first performance at the amas#the creation of bt21#the post-concert vlives during tours#bon voyage to look forward to every summer#jimin’s silent twitter videos#we’ve consistently gotten so much from them and i’m so happy for all that we’re continuing to get#i never want to seem like i think the old days were ‘better’ or like i’m not just as grateful for what they give us now#i just get so nostalgic and melancholy when i think of all the things that we don’t get to experience anymore#i was so young and going through some of my most formative years and it’s such a unique feeling to have grown up alongside bts#i’m still growing up with them. so much of what they taught me years ago is only now showing up in the decisions i make about my life#god i love them so much i love them so so so much
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how happy can you really be when you’re reading paragraphs upon paragraphs of people against your very existence whenever you log on is my question
#currently thinking about a tr@ns blogger i used to follow who’s now just like. an open tr@nsph0be#but is also still tr@ns themselves#who openly gleefully follows several t3rfs while seemingly being annoyed at other people thinking she is one#like i dunno. i’m not trying to overstep in any direction here but it seems like a crazy way to live#i also. struggle to believe a lot of the anecdotes you share about how offputting irl tr@ns people find you are all the way true#like you expect me to believe you sit around online with this rancid attitude toward other tr@ns people#but the only reason they’re put off by you is that you ‘don’t use weird pronouns’? there is def. something being misinterpreted or omitted#i never knew this person personally so i don’t know why i’m thinking so much ab this it’p just strikes me as depressing#even if they legitimately do seem happier than they used to in the most bizarre way possible. it feels kind of morbid to watch happen#i don’t think it really translates to them being correct about any of the shit they say#the thing about getting absurdly into giant @ce discourse blogs from back in the day is that all of those folks turned out to be lunatics
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my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni
#in school i just did the bare minimum a pass was fine and a 3 great#it's insane to think about it how little i did like for a lot of subjects not at all and if i did i'd study like 2 hrs the day before 😭#and i thought this was studying hard or if i studied 3 hrs at least whaaat#well for some subjects i did a bit more#but like it is no comparrison#at uni i also did study the day before a few times but then i did an 8hr session#(i might just need to do that tmrw but the thing is the exam is one you can't study for so literary idk what i'd study so long for??)#(or how to study... it's translation but how tf do you study translation it's highly subjective and there are no practice exercises)#(i will probably just look at the notes)#but anyway for my last exam i spent 5 hrs in the library a day and i already started 2 weeks before (altough just in smaller bits)#but bumped it up exam week i did like 2-3hrs on average a day#even if i start too late like i did for one of the hardest test of my studies i only studied for 2 days but like all day or 10hrs sth a day#it by far exceeds the 2hrs lmao and even that was very little for this exam many studied 2 weeks but like i got a good grade so it's okay#but my point is now that i get better grades good one's a C is a massive disappointment for me 😅#unless it was a really difficult one then i'd take it but like it upsets me#a teacher once told me when i got a c on an exam quite a few failed that many would be happy to have that grade well true tbh but i can't#and once i almost cried because i got a C because i thought it was an easy course but it was an oral exam and i'm worse in these#(because in written i often remember the answer later in the exam and then go back but in oral i can't do that)#well that was embarrassing😭 i'm trying to never do that again so if i get asked how i feel abt it say it's okay ig#but sometimes even a B is meh 😅 especially if an A was possible and it was an easy course/exam#i want more A's less B's tbh B's also because i really want to go abroad and raise my grade average for that#i want to go from a B average to an A something average to improve my chances#but yeah younger me wouldn't believe this 😂#i really want to study harder to make that step up to more A's than B's like uni does come quite easy to me#and while i study way more compared to others i still get away with less effort and good results but i could have excellent grades#on the one hand it's good that i improved so much on the other those expectations might not be because i'm almost never satisfied anymore 😅#and i know it's kind of really unimportant because there are real problems and also many uni students struggle to pass their classes#it's maybe even a bit disrespectful because they'd be happy to have these grades and i should be more grateful#but i swear i don't look down on anyone with worse grades i know how difficult it can be and also how outside factors play a role#some have it more difficult some have to work a lot next to uni or really suffer from mental illness besides no one's brain is the same
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