#i struggle with what i believe is an eating disorder and having posts about thinspo and purging come on my dash

[scrollypoly]

Hey guys on ed tumblr or other related sub groups. Dont use tags like this

Im not gonna judge for content cuz this isnt what this post is about. Please just type normal tags, like #ed content or similar. Especially for trigger warning tags, please just put #tw eating disorder or #self harm tw

And update them with every new blog just to avoid being triggered or worse. Please dont tag like this, please just use normal tags.

This is tag spam, it violates tumblrs community guidelines and is reportable. It also circumvents tag filtering, which is malicious and will put your potentially triggering content in front of people trying to block it. I have been exposed to ED content multiple times against my will, especially in cottagecore tags, and have randomly seen explicit photos on my dash from followed tags of self harm. Its incredibly distressing and triggering, and we shouldn't have to have filter lists like this

[voidsquidd]

Not what I usually post but I wanna say something

I recently saw a 12 yr old on shedtwt and ik becuz of what this account used to be that I have shedtwt and shedtblr followers on here

(I have never really used shedtwt but post pop up every few months)

If ur that young then pls do not go on places like that

//TW// sh ed / g0re / gr0oming / s1uicide

Ik that u probably wanna find ppl who have similar struggles to u, ik u probably have issues irl that make u wanna do that stuff and u just wanna find a place where ppl are like u, but shedtwt is not that place

Even if ppl on there say they're pro recovery, the fact they're posting stuff promoting it or showing it in a positive way at all is not gonna help anyone recover, they're still glorifying it to other ppl and promoting pro Ana / sh

Shedtwt/shedtblr will do sm damage to ur brain at a young age

While ur that young what u see will have a massive affect on ur brain and what u view as normal. Older ppl on there are way more aware of what they're doing to themselves and, even if u say ur mature for ur age, u will not know what damage ur actually doing to urself by being on there

Seeing ppl promote stuff like sh: how to go deeper, needing to feel valid, wanting to get worse, showing off their gory sh

Seeing ppl promote eds: saying how many cals they eat, showing of thinspo, fat shaming / meanpso, saying it's better to be thin

That stuff is gonna be more likely to stick with u when u start to consume it from a young age like that, eventually it'll be all u really know, you'll have normalized it sm in ur head with out even realising what you've done. Ppl will have constantly been posting about it and u will have constantly been seeing those posts and slowly making ur brain see all that disordered, dangerous behaviour as normal. Sm so that when u try to recover it'll end up being sm harder, becuz ur whole life, all ur believes, all ur habits, ur hobbies, will be base for sh and ed

Ik someone who was active on there from a young age and they struggle to eat normally sometimes, a normal meal feels like a binge to them and they don't actually know what the real definition of that word means, they count normal eating as eating too much, they count normal and healthy bodies as too fat becuz they saw so many dangerously underweight ppl that they can no longer tell what's healthy. They developed such bad body dysmorphia from all the content that they cannot tell the difference between over 10lbs on their body.

They can't understand why sh is bad sometimes, thinking it's not that big of a deal, they romantizise sh and their cuts, saying they like them and that they want more scars, even asking me to help them. They didn't realise it was a massive issue when they went pretty deep, and then refused to go seek medical help when they should've becuz they were used to giving themself cuts that could kill them, becuz ppl on shedtwt go so deep it could kill them but they barely ever seem to mention that, a young person wouldn't realise that would kill them, the person I'm talking about definitely didn't

They also saw lost of gore. Now I'm gonna get into a bit of physical brain psychology rn. So the brain releases dopamine as a positive reward hormone obviously. Watching gore, even tho it's online, will have the same or similar effect of seeing actual bloody, dead bodies and ppl stabbing themself or killing themself irl. They saw lots of that becuz shedtwt had sh vids which led to gore twt. Seeing ppl stab themselves, cut their arm off, jump off buildings etc, would be like seeing it irl. And seeing it irl would be classed as a traumatic event, it causes trauma. Specifically it damages the part of the brain that releases hormones like dopamine, by consuming that content u are physically damaging ur brain sm it can stop letting u feel happy.

This person may have a bad home life, and that may have caused these issues to start, but they wouldn't have known what sh was without shedtwt, or seen tips on how to go deeper on shedtwt

They wouldn't have seen starving tips or those diets, or workout routines without shedtwt

They wouldn't have felt like what they were doing was normal if they hadn't seen sm of it on shedtwt

They wouldn't have found gore without shedtwt

And they wouldn't have met their groomer and called him their bf if they hadn't been on shedtwt

Even now they're not on there, they lost all their hobbies to Ana/mia, they would spend their time doing nothing but watching and reading stuff about sh and eds and that's all their life was. Just cvtting themself, learning tips on how to starve and trying to ignore their cravings. They used to paint, but they stopped. they used to sew, but they stopped. they used to be really strong and have good health, they don't anymore, becuz they worked their body to exhaustion sm trying to get thin. Their brain consumed sm content, it's all they think about most of the time now and they struggle to distract their thoughts. I remember they told me what they were thinking about and I had to tell them they seemed triggered becuz they were so triggered so often it just became their normal mind. They thought about nothing but what to eat on what day, how many cals were in something, about how to cut deeper, where they should cut, how some of their scars would look prettier if they were in different shapes, suicide methods and what would be the best even tho they didn't have any plans. Images of thinspo and gore and sh would flash in their head constantly.

It became so normal to them it was their whole personality and actual normal things were alien concepts to them. I told them what typically normal things were and they were genuinely surprised at how what they did and thought about wasn't normal.

Ik most young ppl on there are wanting ppl to relate to but it will do more damage than good, sometimes it's better to feel like what ur doing is weird or not normal becuz that gives u more motivation to stop, to try and be normal. Seeing it sm will make u think it's normal and fine and make u feel like there's no issue

That person is still recovering and a lot of the stuff they vent about is the gore they saw, or the thinspo they saw, the things they say that get called out for being negative are always things they learnt to normalize from shedtwt

So pls, I say this to anyone but especially younger ppl like that 12 yr old, shedtwt / tblr is not gonna help u with ur mental health, it isn't a place that genuinely encourages recovery even if ppl say they are pro recovery. It's a place that glorifies sh and eds, and there's so many ppl who also just wanna take advantage of u. Someone who wants to help u starve or sh doesn't have ur best interest in mind, someone who wants u to recover and get better and healed is someone who cares about u

My dms are always open ♡

[alightwhendarknessfell]

So , would you say Andy had an eating disorder or he just had body image issues ? He’s spoken about being chubby as a kid and into his teens ( you can tell he had a bit of weight on him but it was healthy weight !) I know he used to drink green tea a lot and some people drink it to help with weight loss , idk but I’d like to hear your thoughts.

I would say he suffers on and off from a full-blown eating disorder (probably anorexia). He may have never been formally diagnosed or even realize he meets the criteria but it’s pretty blatantly obvious. Since eating disorders are a topic close to my heart this is probably going to be a long post. I and some people very close to me have suffered from various eating disorders and a lot of his behaviors are exactly the same as what I did or people I knew who had eating disorders did, things that people without them probably wouldn’t do. 

Andy is about 6″2, a normal weight for a man at that height would be between 150-190 lbs. 

Let’s start from the beginning he has said he was overweight as a kid, and I forgot in what interview but he said that at one point he was around 200 lbs. I don’t know how tall he was at 13 but it’s also common for boys to get kind of chubby then grow and lean out throughout childhood and adolescent years. This was Andy as a kid, now he’s got a lot of gear on so it’s hard to tell his size but he doesn’t look fat to me. 

He talks about in this interview and says it caused him a lot of pain to be made fun of for his weight. This type of bullying can have a pretty severe impact on someone as far as developing an eating disorder. Mine started because of people teasing me about my weight around the same age, even though I was maybe only 5 lbs overweight at the time. 

There was a photo he posted of his Ohio divers license where he would have been around 16-18 and it listed his weight as 155 lbs. That’s a healthy weight for someone of his height and if you look at photos of him from that time he looks very good. That’s not saying he wasn’t engaging in disordered behaviors but at least outwardly he didn’t look ill. 

Now then he moved out to LA around 18, and he started dropping weight pretty dramatically. He’s said before he didn’t have any money and couldn’t afford to eat which could explain what looks to be about a 20-30 lbs weight loss. The thing is he continued to get even thinner even when the band started making money. 

In this interview from 2010, he said he weighs around 145 lbs, which would put him slightly underweight. For a bit, though he still looked okay, maybe slightly underweight but okay. 

You’re right he did use to drink those diet green teas a lot, which diet drinks are very popular with people who are starving themselves because they make you feel full and have caffeine to give you energy. I’ve heard multiple stories that he would refuse to eat fat or certain things, etc. That he is weird around food, etc. It’s not my place to disclose what I have heard over the years but I do believe what I have been told for various reasons. There’s also his smoking, which suppresses the appetite. There is also a subset of anorexia where people just consume massive amounts of alcohol and that serves as their main calorie source. 

The first Kerrang magazine they were in has a very telling part in it concerning how Andy stays thin according to him. Only eating once a day and smoking when you feel hungry is textbook anorexia. 

I would say around late 2010-2011 he reached what was a pretty scary weight. I don’t know his weight at the time but it was probably around 120 lbs. That would give him a BMI of around 16-17. At that BMI he would meet the weight criteria for anorexia. Even if he was ‘naturally thin’ like his mom that’s way too low. I think the pressure to be thin because that’s what ‘emo band guys’ were supposed to look like really got to him. A lot of people don’t realize that a lot of guys in the alt-rock music scene have eating disorders. The ‘norm’ is to be rail thin and men are not exempt from the pressure to conform. There have been some people like Gerald Way and Sonny Moore who have come forward to talk about how they struggle with eating disorders. 

This was around the time that he started posting a lot of alarming photos of himself where the main focus of the photo seemed to be just how thin he is. The photos would show off his waist/torso and he seemed to be trying to emphasize his thinness. These ‘body check’ photos are something that most people with EDs I know, including myself, take and or post. He ended up on several thinspo websites. A lot of the photos showed off his ribs/collar bones/hip bones, etc. 

He also would get sick constantly, even though the rest of his band stayed healthy. Even though he’s a singer he still was sick a LOT, being underweight/malnourished can weaken your immune system. He’s also broken a lot of bones, and eating disorders can cause brittle bones. (side note: the ribs breaking probably would have happened no matter what due to the height of the fall). 

Over the years he has fluctuated between healthy and underweight. In 2013-2014 he looked really good, he had muscle on him and his skin looked good. Then he went ‘vegan’ in like 2015 and got down pretty low again. Currently, he looks very malnourished. His face is sunken in and looks older which is common in anorexia where the fat deposits are gone from under the skin in the face. He says he’s vegan for moral reasons but in one interview from late last year, he said his ‘death row’ last meal would be some pizza thing which would not be vegan. Someone vegan for moral reasons wouldn’t eat animal products even on death row because they think it is wrong. I’m not saying he doesn’t love animals but I think at least part of the reason he went vegan is for a ‘diet’. A lot of people with eating disorders go vegan as a way to refuse food. 

So yes, I do think he has an eating disorder. There’s a pretty good amount of behavioral evidence he does as well as from what I’ve been told. I do want to make another point though. 

This is in no way hate. I have always been concerned about him in this regard. I know the pain of an eating disorder and it is not something I would wish on anyone. If he sees this I don’t want this to be taken as hate or in a negative way. I hope I and everyone else is wrong and it isn’t true, but I’m pretty sure it is or was. I hope that he gets help with this issue. He might think I hate him, but I don’t, I hate some of the things he is a part of and has done but not him. I also think Juliet suffers from an eating disorder and while I don’t like her, I do hope she finds help as well. 

[pygmeys]

Hey so this is kinda important

i woke up today to see that a poem/rant i had written a few years ago had resurfaced and was getting notes again. the rant was about all the shitty complicated feelings surrounding my at the time ongoing struggle with eating disorders. and, as it has happened before, it making rounds again caused a surge of new followers on my blog. i wont say these people are proana or thinspo blogs because i dont think they all are, however by glancing at their blogs its easy to tell that eating disorders and other mentall issues are a common thread among them.

i wrote this rant when i was 19. im 22 now and although i wouldn't say im fully recovered from the things i experienced (can any of us truly recover from something like that in this hell of a society?) i am doing much much better. ive dedicated myself to healing for about 4 years now and its not always great but i can say i am doing good, i even manage to feel hot and pretty sometimes, fat and all. but it is very hard and complicated, even now i can hardly go through a meal without second guessing myself, so i understand what its like to be in that place mentally and i really dont judge anyone for holding on to whatever coping mechanisms they can find out there.

that said i do think proana and thinspo groups are horribly unhealthy. and youre not an idiot, you also probably know how harmful it is in the long run to seek out communities made up of a neverending stream of self hate. and i do get it, but you need to stop. so if you wanna take some advice from someone whos been through it here it is: when you are very hurt and alone it is comforting to surround yourself with more pain, its an instant form of validation that can be so hard to find in a world thats so harsh at times and that probably has been very harsh to you. but by doing this you are only trapping yourself in a cycle where it feels like hurting is the only real thing you can get yourself to feel. being cruel to yourself can become so satisfying when you think that it makes you the one in control, because at least then you are the one delivering the blow. but the truth is that it just makes you loose sight of all the other options that are available to you. eating disorders and other mental issues twist your perception so much, its unreal. the truth is that absurd as it sounds, a better, healthier, happier way of living is within your reach. recovery is so hard, specially at first and relapses are inevitable but once you start realizing that you can actually heal and improve yourself, your world really starts opening up for the better.

if any of these new followers of mine have read through this without getting upset at me and want to know what i reccomend doing next here it is:

find therapy, any kind of therapy, and if you feel like its not working or that youre being hurt/judged by it, find another form of therapy. for me personally what really did it was going to a nutritionist that focused on helping people out of eating disorders through healthy eating habits.

unfollow people and tags that post triggering or upsetting content, start following whatever makes you truly happy, fandoms, cute animals, positivity blogs, yoga, meditation, etc.

it wont always work but try countering whatever negative thoughts and words come out of your head. tell yourself as much as you can that theres good and worth and kindness in you. you might not always believe it but its a good start.

find out ways in which other people can help you and explicitly ask them to do that for you. try not getting upset if this doesnt work with everyone all the time, but the people who love you will try to do whats in their capabilities to help you out.

thats all i can think of right now. for some other things you can look up the positivity and recovery tags in my blog. i know im just some idiot on the internet and you really dont have to listen to me, but hopefully some of the helps out. as for me, you can reach out if you need some help or advice finding resources, but the truth is that im not qualified to be anyones therapist, eating disorders are still a sensitive and triggering subject to me, and i also need to take care of myself.

[kaciefaithkress]

“Thinspo” Needs to STOP

 I’m still new to Tumblr, and as I was posting my most recent textpost (about trying to mindfully deal with family members who are dieting after struggling with a lowgrade eating disorder). And one of the suggested tags was “eating disorder things.” I clicked this, added a few like #mentalhealth, #mindfulness, #joyfullife, and posted. 

Well after, I wondered what eating disorder things really meant.

So I clicked on it.

And guys. I had heard of “thinspo” and definitely been very negatively affected by some thinspo posts I’d seen back when things were bad, but I never guessed it was this crazy. 

Holy heck.

People are literally posting about purposefully starving themselves and presenting it as a good thing. They are encouraging other people to intentionally starve themselves, obsessively weigh & measure themselves, and more. 

This is INSANE. 

I understand free speech is important and that one of the beautiful elements of Tumblr is that it has very few of the limitations that other media platforms have, but this is literally crazy. I cannot imagine how many people are being damaged by this on the daily.

“Thinspo” people need help, not followers.

-------- -------- -------- -------- -------- -------- -------- --------  --------

If you or anyone you know is intentionally starving your/themself, that is an eating disorder. It’s not a diet, it’s not mentally healthy, and it’s incredibly physically unhealthy. Please, use the resources here for quick, confidential help:  https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Loving yourself & living normally again might seem impossible now, but I genuinely believe that every one of you is more than strong enough to overcome your demons and to be happy and healthy. 

Sending love & light to all ♥  

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Was I the only one that hadn’t heard of this? 

What do you all think? Would love to hear yall’s thoughts. xoxo

[kincringeemporium]

PRO-ANOREXIA ASSHOLE CALLOUT POST

Real sorry to do this to y’all with eating disorders, but here we fuckin’ go. 

DO NOT STOP EATING ENTIRELY. If you over-eat, that is a problem to work on with doctors and therapists. And they will tell you that your body NEEDS FOOD TO FUCKING FUNCTION. 

You know who should be 90 pounds? TWELVE YEAR OLDS. FUCK OFF. It is FINE to not care about popularity and hell, it’s even fine to not have a ton of friends if you’re not a fucking social butterfly. Being focused on your education is a great thing. 

This is not. FUCK YOU. 

And look at the notes! 170 people have seen this! I just took a quick scroll through the notes and most of them are either pro-ana blogs or supporters of pro-ana blogs. 170 is not a huge number compared to posts that get notes by the thousands, but think about this - ALMOST TWO HUNDRED VULNERABLE PEOPLE BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT. 

And I found that post reblogged by one of my mutuals, who I will not name, but who I promptly sent a message asking “Uh, hey, what the fuck!?” 

“Disappearingdolly” -- look at this shit! 

Okay, listen, if you are naturally thin, good for you! That’s fuckin’ fine! What isn’t fuckin’ fine is telling everybody else that they should look like you, and that if they don’t, they’re fat and ugly. 

This looks like ME. I’m on the fence about how much detail I should provide, but 1) That is what my body looks like and it gives me the fucking creeps that I can relate. 2) I am underweight. You do NOT want to be underweight. I’m not assuming this person is, because they could be shorter than I am, but being 5′3 and less than 110 lb. ISN’T GOOD. Fuck right off. 

Stop fucking posting pictures of thin, pretty girls as “THINSPO”. I don’t know if she went on a diet or has an eating disorder herself or is, again, naturally thin. But again, it’s disgusting to tell people, “Hey! If you don’t have the same body type as her, you’re gross! LOL!”  

FUCK YOU. 

Omg! Lol! How, like, totally relatable! This is all funny and good and we can all laugh along about our anor-- NO. FUCK YOU. 

Look at these urls, good lord! 

It gives me the creeps that this is made to look so “uwu relatable!” with a fucking reaction gif and a bunch of people giggling in the tags. Hell, I’ve had this habit in the past, and seeing it on a goddamn pro-ana blog only confirms my suspicion that it isn’t a good fucking thing! 

I am WORRIED for everyone who finds it, thinks it’s funny, internalizes the message that hiding an eating disorder is something to laugh about, then reblogs the post, thus spreading the message to other vulnerable people! Damn it! 

@anorexic-angel is the URL. Block and report.  When you get to the options as for what to report, click “something else”, then click the “self harm” option, then check the box that asks you if the user is in danger. Because this IS DANGEROUS.  

I seriously fucking hope this person takes their head out of their ass, gets help, recovers, and never pulls a stunt like this again. 

FUCKING HELL. 

Now. Something to balance out my absolute, unbridled disgust and anger: 

You, no matter who you are or what you weigh, are not just a number. You are not defined by your weight. If you are overweight or obese, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be healthy. When losing weight is necessary, which it IS NOT when you’re already thin, there are perfectly safe ways to do that. To all of you working on this, you’re doing great. I mean it. 

To all of you who are underweight, for whatever reason, and you’re working on gaining and becoming stronger, you are doing great. I fucking mean it. You deserve to be healthy, and happy. I won’t detail too much publicly, but I can give you some advice -- from my doctors, not just me -- if you need to gain. 

You do not deserve to hate yourself, starve yourself, and waste away. Do NOT give up and do NOT throw away your life. There is always going to be something to look forward to, and you will miss it if you are so sick that you could die. 

I repeat: you could DIE from an eating disorder. You won’t just be “pretty and skinny”. To every single one of you suffering from one, please, please get better. To every single one of you with a loved one suffering from an eating disorder, it is not your fault if they struggle; keep supporting them and FFS, take care of yourself too. 

-K

[fatphobiabusters]

Content warning: Pro Anorexia, Pro Bulimia, Weight Loss, Eating Disorders, Thinspo

I wouldn’t normally post what someone sent us in a fanmail, but this made me angry enough that I feel it should be addressed here.

I’m sure this person was well-intentioned, but I need to discuss this with you all because there is something you really need to understand, something this person didn’t. 

I am sick and tired of the way that, whenever we call out the hatefulness and dangerousness that is the pro-ana mentality, whenever we call out people who just happen to have anorexia for their fatphobia, whenever we call out rhetoric that pushes eating disorders onto others and tries to conflate restricted eating or starving with some kind of glamorous, healthy, wonderful weight loss diet that will make you oh so beautiful, etc., someone always has to scream at us for supposedly hating anorexic people or not understanding what anorexia is. 

I’m fed up, honestly. 

Recently, I made a post explaining that fitspo and pro-ana are connected, and that is why I don’t like fitspo. Fitspo isn’t about being healthy and fit; it’s about damaging your body and taking on dangerous exercise regimens while not nourishing your body or even starving yourself. And like pro-ana, fitspo pushes the idea that having body fat is a horrible, horrible thing, that it is shameful, that it is a failure on your part, etc., and that you should be willing to go to any length, to even die, to get rid of all your body fat. Which, for the record, is literally impossible, and this pursuit really can kill you. 

And in the post, I said, “You can check our other posts on pro ana to fully understand the mindset behind these blogs and see what kinds of things they say and post.” And I said that because every single time we talk about pro ana, people don’t understand how it’s different from just being anorexic, take what we said as some kind of attack against or blanket statement about all anorexic people, and start massive fights and spread rumors about how much we “hate” people with eating disorders. 

Which, by the way, anti fat acceptance people use against us to try to show people with eating disorders that fat people are their enemy (completely ignoring you can be fat with an eating disorder) and that they should become fatphobic and anti fat acceptance too. And it works. And for many people with eating disorders, that is extremely dangerous, because if you see fat people as a bad thing, you will see fatness as a bad thing, and then it only becomes harder to recover and to take care of your body because you become more and more desperate to not be fat. 

Obviously, eating disorders aren’t always about not being fat- but it would be ignorant and false to say that that is never a factor, or that weight is never a massive concern for people with anorexia, bulimia, and the like. 

So I wanted to make the point right away: if you don’t know what pro ana is, you can look it up on our blog and see it for yourself. That way, there should be very little misunderstandings here. 

We have many posts about how people with anorexia are not the enemy, how people with anorexia deserve help, love, and support, etc., but how using anorexic people as a tool in your anti-fat rhetoric or promoting a pro-ana mentality is not okay. We have stated many times that we don’t have a problem with people with anorexia unless they treat us poorly for our weight- which, despite what you might want to believe, happens. We don’t treat them differently from anyone else in that sense. 

We aren’t going to give someone a free pass on being hateful and fatphobic just because of a factor of their identity, and that shouldn’t be seen as unreasonable. It’s not that we are judging them for their mental illness; it’s that we are holding them accountable for how their behavior and words hurt other people. The same thing we do with anyone else of any size or mental health status or whatever else. 

Hating pro ana is not about hating people with anorexia. It is about hating a specific mindset that tells people that starving is better than being fat.

I have literally seen the words “Better dead than fat” on these blogs. So this is not an exaggeration of what they are doing. 

So, onto this fanmail that bothered me so much. 

Hi. I read your recent post on fitspo/eating disorders, and I agree with almost everything. I hate pro-ana blogs with a burning passion, and have blocked a ton of related tags, including fitspo.

This is how the message started. And I want to believe the person meant it, that they understand how these blogs are hurtful and dangerous to a variety of people, that they get why we hate them so strongly. But I’m not convinced, and that’s because of what they said in the rest of their message. 

I do want to say, though, that some of the language you used to describe anorexia felt… surprising. The stuff about “eagerly starv[ing]” and anorexia being about hating fat people… it upset me a little

Except I never described anorexia in the post. I never talked about anorexia in general in the post. I talked only about pro ana blogs, about pro mia blogs, about fitspo blogs. 

And pro ana blogs, pro mia blogs, and fitspo blogs often promote the hatred of fatness, of being fat, of looking fat, of fat people. We’ve talked about it before here, and if this person had actually gone through our other posts on the topic, they’d know what I mean. Many of these blogs hate reblog pictures of fat people to use them as examples of what “ugly” looks like and to motivate themselves not to be fat. They leave mean, horrid comments on these pictures. They describe fatness like it’s a moral failure. Again, they say it’s better to be dead than fat. They bully fat people, they say awful things about fat people, they attack others for not hating fat people... I mean, it’s impossible to deny that much of what they are doing is about their hatred of fatness and their fear and disgust of the idea of being fat themselves.

And they are proud of their starvation. They show it off like a badge of honor. They don’t feel like they are hurting themselves. They, in fact, brag about how much they are bettering themselves by losing weight. They flaunt it, and encourage others to starve themselves. They are always eager to learn new unhealthy quick methods of weight loss to combine with the starvation. They post selfies of their progress, partially to fish for compliments from others who share the same mindset, and partially in hopes of getting insulted to keep motivated to keep starving. That is pro ana! This is not anorexia in general!

And I know that, which is why the post was only about pro ana. 

The whole point of the post was to answer a question we keep getting in our inbox: “How can you possibly hate fitspo/fitspiration?” And so I answered it, by first explaining pro ana and second by drawing the connection between the two. 

The post was never talking about anorexia. Hell, some people who run pro ana blogs don’t even meet the medical requirements of anorexia or even atypical anorexia, because you don’t necessarily have to starve yourself in order to encourage others to starve themselves and say that being fat is the worst thing ever! So although uncommon, not all of these blogs are run by anorexic people! Many fitspo blogs, for example, are not!

Anyway, the fanmail went on from there to talk about the sender’s own anorexia... again, completely missing the part about how this isn’t about anorexia in general. And the best part was that they felt the need to “educate” me on how anorexia is often about control... something I already know, because every time people scream and insult us for “attacking” anorexic people, they feel the need to tell us this.

And never once did the sender consider that maybe we at this blog have more experience with eating disorders than they think. They spent the whole time “teaching” us about them, assuming none of us have ever struggled with one. 

Sender, maybe you should check our “atypical anorexia” tag and see all the drama we have caused in the past by pointing out fat people with eating disorders exist- including fat people who restrict their eating or starve themselves. Why? Because you may find out that making assumptions about the mods is a shitty thing to do. 

My eating disorder isn’t because I hate fat people. I’d wager that most eating disorders don’t stem from that, even if they look like it.

No one was talking about you, though, sender! If you are not a pro ana blog, our posts calling out pro ana are not about you! 

And for the record, not everyone who hates fatness and fat people realizes they do! Fatphobia is one of those things that, like many other prejudices, you can have without even realizing! 

Also, being fatphobic against yourself still counts as being fatphobic! And surprise, there are a lot of people out there who claim to never hate fat people but sure do hate themselves for being too fat or for being too much “like” a fat person (i.e. eating too much, not caring about their weight as much as they “should,” typical fat people stereotypes like that)! And that still hurts other fat people even if you don’t want to believe it! 

Yeah, I know this person meant well, but I am angry. I am tired of having these conversations over and over again. 

Pro-ana is disgusting and should be banned from Tumblr, but anorexic people, and people with other EDs, are human too, and we suffer in ways which are certainly not as superficial as they might seem at first glance.

Yes, I know this. Still doesn’t change that pro ana is fatphobic and dangerous and that I am allowed to call it out. Which is all I did. Seriously. 

Please y’all, read our posts carefully before you “critique” them next time? And don’t make shitty assumptions about our mods or our opinions and viewpoints when you do? 

- Mod Bella 

[humble-pig]

Useless Clutter

In my English class, we are writing essays about the useless clutter that makes its way into many aspects of our lives, and I wrote my essay on my experience with disordered eating. I thought I would post it on here because I’m hoping it might help someone going through the same thing, and I hope I can show people a different side to the romanticised mental illnesses I see a lot of on here. To anyone who’s reading this and going through the same thing, you are not alone and as overused as it is, it really does get better.

There is a common misconception that eating disorders are about being skinny, when in reality they are about control. To be more specific, they are about a lack of control. For me, the extreme restriction of food and the obsession with a goal weight added structure and purpose to my otherwise out-of-control life. Recently, I've been thinking back to the point where my eating disorder was at its lowest. I've begun to realise that in my attempt to bring structure to my life, I ended up with an even greater lack of control over my situation, my mind and my body. I have spent the past year of my life trying to declutter the previous eighteen, and trying to get rid of the chaos I brought about in an attempt to get rid of chaos in the first place.

I developed an eating disorder when I was fourteen, but I had felt feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing and negativity towards my body since I was in primary school. I was bullied by the other kids both in primary and secondary school, and even after telling the teachers, I was only ever met with “kids will be cruel” and “boys will be boys”. At twelve years old, I could do nothing in my power to stop what was happening around me, and all I wanted to do was disappear. My life at home wasn’t much better. At the time, I had a very tense relationship with my mum because we wanted different things from my life. She wanted me to go to university and plan for my future, but I could hardly imagine coping with another day of school so we often fought. I felt like no one was listening and no one cared, and I was often filled with the feeling of loneliness clouding my mind. I couldn’t focus on school because I put all my effort into keeping my head down, and I couldn’t fix the tension at home because my family only heard what they wanted to hear.

My parents were strict with me too. I was never allowed to go to my friends’ houses after school and sleepovers were out of the question. I wasn't allowed to go out on my own, even just to the shop around the corner, and they didn't allow me to have a phone until I just nearly fourteen. Their strictness over my life and my lack of freedom kept me from my friends and I had no escape from the bullying at school and the oppression in my own home. I felt stuck in my situation with no agency over my life, and I began to wish for just one little thing I could change for myself, but it had to be something they would never notice.

It started with planning my meals for the day. I made sure they didn’t exceed 1200 calories, the minimum amount you need in a day. I would keep track of every little thing that I ate, and soon I began to throw my lunch away at school and fill up on water instead with the hopes of limiting my calories even further. I was meticulous and obsessed with becoming thin, and it was the only thing on my mind. At the start, I saw it as a crutch to support me through the hard times I had at school and at home. I realise now that it was at this time that I became my own bully, punishing myself for how others treated me and I relied on the numbers dropping on the scale to give me permission to eat. I saw my weight as an unnecessary excess. I berrated myself on indulging and lacking control over my eating, and I felt ashamed when I gave into my hunger. The feeling of disappointment in myself constantly filled my head, and I couldn’t keep my mind on anything else. All that mattered was being skinny, and everything else was an afterthought. My education, my relationships with my friends and family, all of it was secondary to being thin and invisible.

These thoughts constantly filled my head, but I still believed that there was nothing wrong with me. I convinced myself that I didn’t really have an eating disorder, and I was only pretending and faking it in order to convince myself to stop eating. I thought I didn’t have a “real” problem because I didn’t have the skeletal frame of the girls I saw in “thinspo” photos, and I saw myself as bigger than I actually was due to my brain distorting my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t realise how bad I was getting when all I could think about was how to get worse. At that point, I didn’t even want to recover. I was so concerned with how much better my life would be if I skipped just one more meal. My family began to notice that something was wrong, however.

My cousin had experienced an eating disorder since she was in secondary school as well, and she recognised the signs in me. When she confronted me about it after I skipped yet another dinner, I was so angry that I was losing control over the one thing I thought I had. I saw everything that didn’t benefit my disordered eating habits as clutter, an obstacle preventing me from getting what, at the time, I thought would truly make me happy. My cousin refused to give up on me though, since she knew just how hard it was to recover on her own. She talked to me about her own experiences and for the first time in years I didn’t feel ignored and invisible, it was as if the wall between me and the rest of the world was crumbling and it was letting me see things clearly for the first time since I was a child in primary school.

Thanks to my supportive family and the friends I had made since moving to Ireland, I was introduced to the self-love movement taking over social media. I was beginning to look towards recovery at the time and seeing thousands of women throwing out their bathroom scales really struck a chord with me. I finally realised that my weight was not equivalent to my worth and I deserved to be happy, and that the feelings of self-loathing I had felt for so long were the real clutter in my life. I got rid of my own bathroom scales and with them I cleared out the negativity I felt towards myself.

Recovery is a constant process and a battle everyday, but after reflecting on the chaos my eating disorder caused, I am realising how progressive and essential it is for me. Despite my commitment to getting better I still struggle with the thoughts of relapsing into old habits, but by realising that my feelings of self-negativity and shame are just useless clutter to me now, I am finally learning to love myself. My eating disorder caused so much mess in every aspect of my life, but by accepting myself and accepting the process of recovery, I am able to see my life with optimism and clarity once again.

[oh-katsuki]

ah, sorry to insert myself into this but something about this post is sitting SO incredibly wrong with me. 

you make so many assumptions here about them as people when the fact is that you don’t know them. honestly, this is infuriating, especially since these two are some of my closest friends. i’m just gonna start with what I know here because jesus, you are SO misguided. 

first, i am a fat person and both june and mika are my friends and have been NOTHING but supportive of me and me entire journey with weight and self love. i am speaking from my actual soul when I say that they are some of the most understanding people i’ve ever met when it comes to that subject. second, the rhetoric you use here against people who struggle with eating disorders is genuinely disgusting. I’m not sure if you realize the type of bullshit stereotype you’re projecting here but, as a fat person, i am not offended in ANY WAY by people with eating disorders fucking existing. in fact, I see their struggle as EXTREMELY similar (strikingly so). the fact that your argument is framed entirely as “skinny” vs “fat” is inherently problematic because the fact is that people with eating disorders are affected by the same rhetoric that fat people without them are. it is a result of the same exact system. we are all victims of the complex that beauty is being thin. 

you’re also speaking as if they actively use thinspo blogs when both of them advocate against them. you say that you understand mental illness but the language and tone you use here says that you don’t understand recovery. eating disorders are an illness, meaning that those with them have thinking patterns that they (until they receive help) have no fucking control over. how dare you levy fat people against this struggle when we are all suffering under the same weight. i feel sorry for the lack of intersectionality you exhibit here. it is not and “us” vs “them” it is all of us together moving to work against societal pressures pushed on us by the patriarchy and fuck you for changing that narrative. 

even if they were actively struggling (which both of them are recovered or recovering), having an ed is different from fatphobia as a whole. people with eds are not THE SOURCE of the problem but rather the OUTCOME and its infuriating to me that you can’t see that. 

you’re treating them as if they aren’t human or young, for that matter. this person came for their characters first, completely unprovoked, and they made light of the situation. you’re talking a lot about accountability as if they haven’t actively taken accountability for their actions when they are in the wrong. 

even considering that, i don’t know how many times it has to be said but fan fiction writers are NOT influencers. juni and mika are NOT responsible for anyone but themselves. they put trigger warnings, they advocate against eds, and most importantly for the argument you’re putting out here, they advocate against fatphobia. 

fuck you for assuming things about their character like this as if they haven’t spoken out about fatphobia multiple times on their blogs. fuck you for actively believing they would take part in advocating for others to be thin when they’re recovered and past that part of their life. don’t you think they’d suffered enough at the hands of a fatphobic society? their thinspo blogs NO LONGER EXIST and they now actively speak out against fatphobia because they have suffered from it as well. 

I know that was a lot, and i apologize to my followers, but i’d just like to say that as a fat person, juni and mika have shown me nothing but love and adoration. they are supportive, kind, and fiercely loyal friends. i have felt nothing but supported by them, ESPECIALLY in matters of weight and fatphobia. 

LETS TALK ABOUT THIS.

i’d just like to start off by saying this is seriously the dumbest thing i’ve ever read. like actually stupid. y’all are grade a fucking idiots. i will never understand why big blogs feel the need to find a way to make everything about themselves, but that’s beside me.

i am fed up with @junisfics and @murmikaa for continuing this repulsively egocentric pattern of behavior and getting away with it because they are popular.

multiple things. skinny phobia is not real. it never has been real and it never will be real. of course body shaming can happen to anyone, and skinny shaming is an occurrence, but that doesn’t even begin to scale in comparison to fatphobia, an actual issue. in society it is rooted in every major fashion/beauty industry that skinny, european features are “ideal”. when you live in a society where skinny is normalized as beautiful, you cannot have skinnyphobia (that applies to any kind of majority / minority group, keep in mind). also, how could you be skinnyphobic (hate skinny people) if you have a whole blog posting thinspo, posting pro anorexia, aiding these eating disorders and the societal hatred of fat women. of course eating disorders are just that (disorders), and they do change the way you think. even if you are ill and struggling, though, that is never an excuse for your actions. people often hide behind illnesses as a reason for everything they do when they shouldn’t be used as an attribute for why your actions are okay, but a reason for compassion instead. and when you constantly try to profit off of the fact that you act the way you do because of your disorders, you’re also contributing to the stigma against mental illness.

“i understand where you are coming from but i’m allowed to joke about my own trauma and so is june.” no. you do not get to gaslight and diminish people whenever they have a problem with you. it does not matter how you feel or how you’re hurting, because you weren’t joking. it wasn’t for fun. you weren’t coping with trauma. you were feeding into an issue that will never fully effect you. you are adding to a problem that will never hurt you (fatphobia) because, as you have admitted yourself, you are skinny.

“at the end of the day me having that blog only affected ME.” it is so obvious in the way you speak and respond to people who are trying to stand up for themselves that you have a clear problem with narcissism. you are some of the biggest self obsessed, ego crazed children with no sense of ownership that i have ever seen and it doesn’t even bother you. that anon did not approach you in a rude manner. that anon was not attacking you. that anon was voicing YOUR toxicity and you pushed it on to them. i am so sick and tired of seeing the dumb fucking shit you collectively as a group do and watching you get away with it. just because you have suffered and just because you have “oppression points” does not mean you are not fault.

“i apologize if you are disappointed with me or junis for our past but that is not our problem…” i have never seen two people with so little empathy. when we continue to pamper blogs just because of the content they push out and turn a blind eye, we are inherently becoming the problem as well. the manipulation that these two put into their responses, as well as their raging victim and superiority complexes makes them bad people. the fact that they continuously repeat their actions makes them bad people. the fact that they want to do nothing to better themselves makes them bad people. and when we support bad people because it is more convenient for us, we mimic them.

when someone comes to you saying this, your response should not be to defend yourself. i do not care your reasoning. the biggest cause of full blown discourse on this app is blogs (especially bigger blogs) refusing to take responsibility for their actions and expecting to be coddled because they are popular. if a fat person is reaching out to you about how your abhorrent fatphobia and pro ed behavior not only hurts them but so many others, and your response is to deflect on how you’re hurting more it is reassurance you have no guilt for your actions.

now this. why are you making your faults a tag game? this is clearly a desperate reach of feeling better about yourself and raising victim points, and i feel like someone is responsible to tell you it is NOT okay. i don’t know why you so publicly need everyone’s validation that you’ll make it a trend to post all the shitty, fucked up ways you’ve hurt people. knowing something you did is wrong does not make it better. repeating something you’ve done is not ownership.

the tone of pride these two have makes me nauseated. the fact they think they can so easily brush off every fuck up they’ve ever done because ‘it wasn’t meant for anyone else’ makes my skin crawl. i am tired. i am fucking fed up of intolerable behavior being praised.

no matter how you word it, thinspo is rooted fatphobia. when you are two able people actively rooting to be skinny, you are also actively working to not be fat. when you post unhealthily skinny girls to inspire yourself to not eat, you are showing that you would rather deprive yourself of the things your body requires to live than be fat. eating disorders are hard and no one should have to go through them but they are the basis of fatphobia. and i know i’ve already said this but i’m really curious as to how youre skinnyphobic because it feels like something you just threw on for sympathy points because you want everyone but yourself to come off as the problem. grow the fuck up and get out.

if you’re so hurt, shouldn’t you be worried about hurting others? just sounds like bullshit to me.

IF YOU SUPPORT THIS UNFOLLOW ME TBH.

[sleepymisery]

(1/2) hello. i hope i can ask you this... i’ve given myself an ultimatum to create a social account for ed content on june 1. i’m struggling for a long time, have been in therapy and relapsed, without anyone i could talk to about it. i know it’s a disorder and not constructive, but i want to post my logs + photos, maybe weight somewhere public. no ‘thinspo’/‘tips’, i’m just tired of not having anyone i could relate to and talk to. i know how tumblr only works, but i’m obsessed with being

(2/2) safe — i don’t want to get terminated and lose url. how could i do that? could you recommend me another outlet places where it’s not possible, like having really private space and a community similar to the one on tumblr?

First of all, I'm sorry you're struggling with this for such a long time! And I get wanting to have a place to just find people you can relate to if you've been struggling on your own all this time, a lot of us do...If you're searching for a totally private place to talk to others with ED's there is MPA(myproana) which despite its name is supposed to be a supportive group for people with ED's and not one that glorifies it. (ofc there are exceptions everywhere in this community...sadly a lot of them)

But please, know this: The internet in all this can be your best friend and worst enemy! You can find people to talk to, who think like you and bond with them over your shared struggles and support each other emotionally through this hell which can otherwise feel very very lonely.

But it can also trigger you, over and over again, feed into your ED bc you compare your struggle to someone elses and when you're in a weak place, make it worse.

+there are also the (most of the time very young) people, who think this is a lifestyle, a diet choice and glorify the hell out of it. You will most likely talk to people in this community and feel very weird afterwards bc what they think and believe just doesn't sit right with you (you get asked for tips, or how to develop an eating disorder, get "meanspo" out of the blue which I personally find a very disgusting concept)...but I guess thats life when you're moving in a community like this.

In the beginning of all this, I had a private instagram account where I just befriended other accounts that were obviously ones too. But that made me kind of paranoid with time that people I know will find me...I can't tell you anything else :[ I have stayed with tumblr over the years and being terminated is sadly a risk that comes with it, but I'm personally okay with that.

Much love to you. I'm sorry if I couldn't really help.

[hysterichronicles]

On eating disorders recovery representation

I’ve been trying to get myself to treatment for over a year since I got the EDNOS diagnosis. In due to a relapse (after "managing the thing on my own" for a while) I come to the tags #ed recovery, #eating disorder recovery, #ednos, #ednos recovery for support and guess what I found for me? Almost nothing.

The greater percentage of the posts are about people, if not only women (I think I only saw one post about men with eating disorders being real) who beat anorexia. I'm so so glad for them, I wish I could have their strength, but I don't meet the full criteria for anorexia and being told to eat today when I'm on a "can't stop eating" phase, well... doesn't help much. I almost can't relate.

There were very few things for people with bulimia, like two posts about compulsive eating and not one fucking post about EDNOS. Hell, maybe that's why I still can't believe I have an eating disorder. Maybe that's why my friends still don't get that EDNOS is really a thing. Because it's almost never spoken about.

The body positivity I saw there was triggering because I didn't see ONE overweight person. Not in the "before" nor in the "after" selfie. In fact, most of the “after” selfies are of women who got into the gym and now weight more than before because they gained muscle, but I didn't find one person without an amazing body who was recovered. For me and my physically disabled ass who finds it near impossible to lose weight along with building muscle, well... that scenario seems surreal. Looking at all the "after recovery" selfies was as triggering as the fitspo I used to binge on to make myself feel guilty. That's amazing for them, honestly I am proud of you gals, but I'm trying to build an image of myself where I don't HAVE to have an amazing body to feel happy or accepted. I wish I could see more varieties of figures. I wish I could see the transformation of thin to chubby, or plainly chubby to chubby (because one doesn't HAVE to get super fit to be taken seriously as someone recovered, just as someone doesn't have to be on their bones to be believed about having anorexia or bulimia, and just as there are skinny binge eaters).Because I am chubby. And I didn't find myself anywhere between those gorgeous girls. Don't get me wrong, y'all look amazing but you don't look like me. Not on your before picture. Not on your after picture. Also, I have medically forbidden to go vegan by now because of muscle stuff. I can't go vegan nowadays. Don’t lecture me, go lecture all my doctors instead, I just try to obey. 

To those girls hijacking recovery tags to post their thinspo/fitspo/ pro ana shit: WHY THE FUCK? Please, don't. Just don't.   I understand that you haven't fully opted for recovery yet but I do. Please, take me and the other people in the struggle in consideration who come to the tags looking for support.

And so, yeah. I came to the tags to feel represented and I didn't feel represented. I felt isolated and unseen. 

I have an eating disorder and I exist. Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS, or OSFED) exists. 

Not only thin people with anorexia or bulimia are at risk.

P.S. If you know an account of ed recovery positivity I could go to, or if you have ednos and are in recovery and in the possibility of supporting someone, please message me.

[fuwaprince]

Hey i kinda need some tips. I saw you were posting about eating disorders and such. I've slowly descended into anorexia and I want out of this hole. How do I start eating again? I never had the most healthy eating habits but I don't know where to start. I appreciate everything you've done. Thank you.

I am so fucking proud of you for wanting out of this. You deserve to live a happy, healthy life and there’s nothing to be ashamed about for coming to terms with having an eating disorder. Acceptance and willpower will be the only things to really pull you through this. I can’t give out a professional how-to guide on recovering from something like this but I can totally point you in a decent direction! 

A lot of people don’t realize this but anorexia nervosa is just as psychological as it is a physical disorder. People who are diagnosed have a delusional outlook on their body image most of the time (usually seeing themselves as extremely overweight and bloated even when in reality they might be perfectly within their healthy weight range). If you have a therapist already, talk with them to help you grasp a better self-image. Specialized counseling is also a good idea if you don’t already have a therapist.

Talk to a nutritionalist about what your body’s needs are. Sometimes it’s hard to just believe any random person to “just eat food because it’s good for you”. It isn’t that simple. If you need to convince yourself WHY your body needs the calories and nutrients to survive, go out and ask your doctor. Ask a professional about why eating is so important and listen closely to the things they tell you. It sounds small but I promise you hearing about how important a good diet is to the body is one of the only reasons I got myself to have more than protien shakes every day. 

Avoid things that you know will trigger you back into unhealthy eating habits. All those thinspo, proana, skinny blogs that you see? Unfollow and block them right now. Do not let yourself be brainwashed by those triggering images and sickening lies about how starvation is good for you. You don’t need anyone telling you to restrict your calorie intake if you’re working on recovering!!! You’ll thank yourself when you’re a few weeks in and not having to worry about relapsing because you signed into your social media accounts.

Surround yourself with supporters. If you’re comfortable telling them, I would suggest asking your family to support you in your recovery! Friends too! If you surround yourself with people who encourage you to take care of yourself, you’ll be more likely to have a successful recovery. If you aren’t comfortable with people you’re close to knowing about your eating disorder though, support groups do exist. This site allows you to find support groups near you! They also provide mentors, toolkits, and helplines available in case you needed those too.

Acknowledge when you begin improving and celebrate it! Didn’t skip a meal that day? Fucking gold star! Remember to have snacks in between meals? HUGE BONUS. Were they more than just chips and a soda? HELL YEAH BB GET THOSE YUMMY GREENS. Hype. Yourself. Up. Learn to celebrate when you do things that are good for your body. Celebrate self care. 

Of course, I’m no professional. I’m just telling you what I’ve learned from college courses and whatever things you can find online. Take your recovery a day at a time and don’t be discouraged if you relapse or struggle for the first few months. You can come out of this. You don’t have to ever worry about it being too late because if you’re alive, you’re still able to save yourself. Hang in there pal, you’re gonna overcome this! We’re all here rootin for ya! Best of luck! Update me how things go maybe? I love you. Your body is perfect just the way it is, you don’t have to starve yourself to feel pretty. You are pretty. You are worth it. You deserve to eat. You deserve a healthy body. Your body is the only thing carrying you throughout life, it’s the only body you’ve got! So take good care of it, alright? Thanks for reaching out!

[heavytolight]

60 Day Weight Loss Challenge

To (re)start off my new weight loss journey I'm doing a 60 Day Challenge (listed below). These have seemed to help me stay determined to keep going!

I'll start my Day 1 post after my walk once I'm at home so I can take a fresh stats measuments!

1. What are your current stats? Height, Weight, Age, Pants size, Measurements, Goal weight
2. Have you lost any weight prior to this challenge? How much? How long did it take you?
3. Are you a calorie counter? If so, How many calories do you aim for in a day?
4. Do you/have you ever struggled with an eating disorder? 
5. What’s your favorite workout song?
6. Do you eat meat or are you vegan/vegetarian? Why?
7. Do your friends and family support your weight loss or do they tend to discourage and or sabotage you? 
8. List your top 5 favorite healthy foods.
9. Do you allow yourself cheat days/meals? How often? What’s something you would usually have when you cheat?
10. How do you workout? Workout videos, Classes, Gym, Running, Weight lifting, Etc.

11. Are you an emotional eater?
12. List 5 things you like about your physical appearance.
13. Have you tried any recipes from tumblr? What were they? Was it good?
14. What are your top 3 favorite “junk foods”.
15. Are you underweight, average weight or over weight according to your BMI?
16. Why do you want to lose weight? Go into detail. 
17. Do you feel that this blog is helping you stay on track and helping you lose weight? 
18. Do you have a fitspiration? (i.e Jillian Michael’s)
19. Do you take rest days? How often? What day(s)?
20. How did you get to your highest weight?

21. Do you have to eat separate from your family/room mates/partner or do they eat healthy along with you? 
22. Generally, How many cups of water do you consume in one day? 
23. What’s your favorite brand of workout gear (i.e Nike, Puma, Adidas, Etc)
24. Do you specifically want to be fit or skinny (pick one) Or are you just losing weight until you feel comfortable and satisfied?
25. What have you ate today? Do you feel good about what you ate? If you haven’t ate, What do you plan to eat today?
26. Have you tried the 30 by Shred by Jillian Michael’s? Are you going to try it? Have you completed it? Is it in progress? Have you lost any weight while doing it? Do you feel it’s a good workout? Would you recommend it to a friend?
27. Do you drink protein shakes? Why or why not?
28. What items are on your grocery list? Assuming you ran out of everything at once.
29. What do you look forward to the most through weight loss? Go into detail.
30. Do you have a time frame in which you’re trying to lose weight in? (i.e “I want to lose 25 pounds in 3 months.” Or “I want to lose 15 pounds by my cousins wedding.”)

31. Do you believe in eating late at night or is it something you try to avoid? Why or why not?
32. Have you had any major slip ups during this journey that you’ve had to recover from?
33. How often do you long into/post on this blog?
34. Do you have progress photos on your blog? Why or why not? Do you require a password to view your pictures?
35. Do you have someone you’re losing weight with? Who are they? How is their progress?
36. Do you have a fear of loose skin or a shame for stretchmarks? Why or why not?
37. Do you eat “cheat diet foods” like 100 calorie packs or Coke Zero or do you eat strictly?
38. Do you drink green tea? What’s your favorite kind? How often do you drink it?
39. Are any of your clothes fitting looser on you?
40. Are you a personal blog, fitness blog or a little bit of both? Do you follow personal blogs or just fitness blogs? How many followers do you have and how many blogs do you follow?

41. Who are your top favorite weight loss/fitspo blogs?
42. Do you have a problem with thinspo?
43. Do you workout when you’re on your period?
44. Will you continue posting on this blog after losing all your weight or will it be redundant? 
45. Do you have a specific size you would like to be? If so, What?
46. Have you ever been/are you on fat burners?
47. Have you ever had to unfollow blogs due to their unhealthy content?
48. Would you ever be willing to have a weight loss surgery? Why or why not? 
49. Are there any healthy foods you dislike? What are they?
50. When’s the last time you ate McDonalds? What did you have? Did you regret it? Why or why not?

51. What’s an exercise you hate doing, But like the results (i.e squats)
52. What habit was hardest to form when starting this journey? (i.e eating well, exercising, etc)
53. What was the hardest unhealthy habit you had to break (i.e giving up soda, quit binging, etc)
54. Would you ever consider going vegan/vegetarian? Why or why not?
55. What part of your body do you see the most change in?
56. Do you prefer fruits or vegetables if you could only pick one or the other?
57. Has anyone noticed your weight loss so far?
58. Do you reward yourself when you reach your short term goals? What are your rewards.
59. Have you had to buy yourself new clothing since your old ones are falling off?
60. What are your current stats? Weight, Pants size, Measurements. How many pounds/inches have you lost since the beginning of this challenge?

[drinkingthemoon]

What I’ve been up to

So if you missed my last personal post, hi I'm Astral and I'm recovering from an eating disorder.

I didn't really explain why I decided to.  I'm not underweight and wasn't having any physical health issues related to my ED, it just came to a point where I had to confront myself and say "Yo, you hate yourself, what is actually the best way to go about fixing that?"  After a lot of soul searching and watching a shit ton of spiritual/motivational YouTube videos I came to the conclusion that my ED was pushing me deeper into that self-hatred even though I was convinced that losing weight would make me better.

So I basically decided to go vegan, eat the proper amount of calories for someone my age, and take my first steps down a more spiritual path all on the same night.

Well, it's been two weeks and I've been doing really well.  I've adopted some new mantras (self-affirmations I guess) that I repeat to myself when I start to feel blah.  When I start to get anxious or angry or depressed I say to myself "Feel it to heal it" and then I walk myself through what I'm feeling until I get to the root of it.  Nine out of ten times it's stupid shit and once I realize that I can let it go.

If I'm feeling fat or ugly or in any way gross I repeat to myself "I accept myself in this moment because there is no other way for me to be."  I find that easier to believe than claiming to love myself because I'm not there yet.  I also struggle with adult acne and in order to let go of some of the self-hatred I feel towards that I remind myself that "Everything is perfection in its process."  So, while in our beauty driven society acne may be looked down on, my pimples are perfect in that they're successful at being pimples.  That one's harder to really believe but it does make me feel better.

If I'm feeling frustrated that someone doesn't get how I feel or if I think I'm being judged I remind myself that "I do not need external validation for an internal truth."  That's pretty self-explanatory.  This is who I am, this is how I feel and if other people don't like it that shouldn't affect how I see myself because at the end of the day I won't be with them, I'll be with me.

Veganism has been super easy for me.  I quit animal products cold turkey and haven't had any problems with it.  I've been tracking my protein and carbs to make sure I get enough (which I do quite easily) and I've been working really hard to get rid of the guilt I have over eating.  I can make myself feel better by telling myself that I'm not going to gain weight even if my brain does still worry that a bowl of steamed veggies will make me a balloon.  I've also started meditating and doing yoga, though I don't do either as often as I'd like yet.

In terms of spirituality, I've just been trying to connect to the earth and find the inherent beauty of nature and general existence.  I've never mentioned it on this blog but I have considered myself a witch for over a year now so I've been getting more in touch with that, working on my Grimoire and learning a lot more about my craft.

So that's been my last two weeks.  Clearly, I'm still in the beginning of this transformation but I feel like I'm standing on solid ground.  I don't think that I'll relapse or lose sight of what I want from life (knock on wood) though I'm still not sure what that is.  I've been doing research on tiny living and nomadic lifestyles. Van life has really been calling to me lately.  I just want to travel and see beautiful places and meet great people and finally experience something, all while living a minimalistic life and paying as little money as possible. 

So if you didn't notice, yes I deleted all the thinspo off this blog.  The posts have taken a more witchy/hippy/spiritual turn and will continue in that direction.  I'm going to change my URL soon but I'm not sure to what.  This is my journey and I hope everyone can accept that, and if you want to hold on for the ride you are of course free to do so.

Wish me luck!

     -Astral

[cowgirls021997universe-blog]

The Thighgap Obsession and Facts about in Media today and helpful solutions to this “Epidemic.”

    In regard to the growing influence of social media around our youth, the media has started to dictate how our kids and teenagers should look. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr are great examples of advertising this obsession: The thigh gap. What is a thigh gap? Well according to the article “New Teen Obsession,” the thigh gap is characterized as “clear space between the [upper] thighs when a girl is standing with her knees together. Girls now captivated by this shocking trend, girls are pressured into excessive weight loss through eating disorders, much like anorexia and bulimia. To execute this problem social media needs to limit or none the less stop promoting these extreme body images, also there has to be a combined effort of the public and the media to lessen the effect of these body issues.

What is anorexia? According to WebMD “Anorexia affects both the body and the mind. It may start as dieting, but it gets out of control. You think about food, dieting, and weight all the time. You have a distorted body image. Other people say you are too thin, but when you look in the mirror, you see your body as overweight. Anorexia affects both the body and the mind. It may start as dieting, but it gets out of control. You think about food, dieting, and weight all the time. You have a distorted body image. Other people say you are too thin, but when you look in the mirror, you see your body as overweight.” This is not just a social media fad, it has become somewhat of a disease, a disease fueled by the realm of social media. This trend of eating disorders is another way of achieving the thigh gap.

Historically the image of women hasn’t always been skinny, according to BuzzFeeds video, of depicting women’ s ideal body types throughout history(Buzz) contradicts this very trend of anorexia and the thigh gap, starting from the BC ages in Egypt and China’s health look with small wastes and wide hips, to the Victorian eras of Rome, Greece, and England, sporting the plump robust woman, of wealth, and youth, but in the last decades around the 1960’s women no longer wanted to look plump and curvy like Marylin Monroe, but more thin and sickly, in the 1990’s the thinspo sicklook was all the rage, and this look has spilled over to the 2000s with the introduction to social media, and model body types, though we have plus size models like Adele, for example, little girls as young as six watch television shows with skinny mini teenage girls, and this just escalates until their old enough to be online and this trend is fire and has been popular for the last 10 years, and even on magazine covers you see models who are all airbrushes and boney, but is this healthy? Of course not, but because society accepts it, people think it is. In that sense anorexia is ok.

Though girls aspire to be thin, the thigh gap had pushed girls over the edge into achieving the slimmer figure in the wrong way. According to Angela Guarda; and associate professor at the John Hopkins School of Medicine explained that she had noticed that now even “YouTube videos [are promoting] how to achieve a thigh gap.” Though the thigh gap is “risky and virtually impossible, [ some] exceptionally thin models have it, which is now held up as beautiful among countless Tumblr pages, and blogs, as well as other social media sites. And not even that but the thigh gap devotees “flood the zone with images of thigh gaps, bony [protruding hip and] collar bones, and confidence crushing messages disguised as “inspiring” quotes.” 

For example, many girls see quotes like: “I want to be skinny,” or even outrageous ones like “Had a piece of toast today, but I’m not thin enough, I have to lose more weight…” Girls are going too far, resorting to advertisement and participation of this dangerous and outrageous standard of online beauty. 

Why does anorexia affect girls more than the male demographic?  “Given that eating disorders disproportionately affect women, it is not unreasonable to assume that men differ from women in clinical presentation, personality, and psychological characteristics. My guess would be that they differ. My reasoning is this: males and females grow up facing different pressures and expectations.”  We as a society have always thought of men as a masculine buff more hefty figure, as where women are more glorified and feminine, this is the defined gender gap, that has reined high throughout the last couple of decades females are portraying themselves more submissive and weak in the media than before, and due to this gender gap it is just heightening the impact of the sick and helpless look anorexia advertises. But underneath the look, mental health accompanies by society is to blame.  But some beg to differ that “One argument has been that because eating disorders are so rare in males, the nature of the illness must somehow be atypical in males. The second line of discussion has suggested that there must be something different about males who develop an eating disorder. For example, it has been suggested that a higher proportion of males with eating disorders might be homosexual.” But that brings us to the connection between the brain and gut.

According to the Anatomy of Anorexia, Levenkron states that “tragically anorexia has become a prominent amount he disorders of “choice”  [as our national culture] differs.” (Levenkron 23)  For example, little girls are starting to have feelings of “inferiority,” (Levenkron 29) and great low self-esteem. According to Sara a high school student previously resorted to anorexia, to achieve the thigh gap explained that she frequently visited sites glorifying the thigh gap, this pushed her to believe that what she was doing was perfectly normal. The sites offered “photos of slender-legged models, testimonials, on how to achieve the thigh gap, and [including] tips such as chewing food but spitting it out before swallowing it.” (Salter) Sara then explains that the site also posted Holocaust victims as inspiration to keep it up.  This was to make her feel better about her struggle to lose weight. Sara like many teenage girls faces this problem more and more frequently due to the beauty standard, that is set up by the internet public. According to Kim Van Durme, Elke Craeynest, Caroline Braet, and Lien Goossens book about eating disorders states that  “Eating disorder symptoms refer to both behavioral (e.g., dieting) and cognitive symptoms (eating, weight and shape concern) of eating disorders, which may be exhibited without meeting a specific eating disorder diagnosis. This is especially the case in adolescents, who often show less explicit forms of disordered eating than adults.”  This is because the youth has something to 

reach, and their mentality changes due to the environment explain

they surrounded in, whereas an adult doesn't really go online and google search, “how to get a thigh gap”  Instead that is the main search among young girls trying to change their image to fit societies standards is the thigh gap. 

    Tumblr is one of the biggest social networks promoting this trend. It has become “pro-ana, (pro-anorexia)… [Women use hashtags such as]  “thinspo, anorexia, depression, hip bones, thigh gap, and even sexy.  What is so appealing about a bunch of 16-year-old teens walking around with protruding bones, and saggy sickly skin? Well, that’s just the fad.  Dr. Oz, a medial professional has called girls on television to be aware of this extreme diet faze, because it can lead to anorexia and even more prolonged eating disorders. (Oz)

    But not everyone is opposed to the thigh gap, for example, Cosmopolitan, the women’s magazine, endorses the thigh gap by stating big thigh cause problems, like trying to get pants on, or undesirable chaffing when wearing dresses, and the slapping of fat thighs when running, and   the end of this list of about 15 problems tick thigh(ed) girls understand there is a contradiction stating that all sizes and shapes are beautiful... sure. Not only that but there are numerous posts about girls boasting about how they have consumed 500 calories of the last two days, or they post exercises and eating plans to achieve that desirable gap. 

    Due to the growing problem media sites like Tumblr and Twitter have offered adolescents “free helplines run by the Nation Association of Eating Disorders,”  to help address the problem, and prevent further health risks. The media needs to be careful about what they promote because it not only has created ludicrous fads but has posed a danger to the health of the female teen population trying to slim down just to be accepted. But in reality, the thigh gap is genetic and not achieved by diet unless it is excessive. And beauty standards, are not even a real thing, they are unreal expectations of a women’s body that is unreasonable, and very dangerous to achieve. And what skeleton is beautiful?

[inkundu1]

Why back-to-school shopping ads were so dangerous for my eating disorder

Why back-to-school shopping ads were so dangerous for my eating disorder

Content note: This essay discusses eating disorders, toxic body image, and the online communities that encourage disordered eating.

Growing up, “back to school” was synonymous with reinvention.

Between television programs and magazine pages, seasonal back-to-school advertisements not only marketed new outfits and backpacks, but new lifestyles. They floated the idea that if you can purchase a whole new wardrobe for the school year, a new likability would accompany it, playing into the myth that a makeover alone can earn you a seat at the popular table.

In grade school, I had only a handful of close friends. I didn't get along with my classmates and felt constantly type-casted as the “fat girl.” My overweight body was hypervisible, constantly put on stage for torment. During sixth grade, I was labeled “doughnut girl” because, one day, my fat body had the gall to eat a baked good in public. This continued into seventh grade. By eighth grade, I was skipping lunch regularly. When offered candy and snacks by teachers, I'd always decline. But I didn't see anything wrong with this. I'm just watching my weight, I thought. No one commented on that behavior, either.

I'd already been immersed in social media when I was as young as 13. When not at school, I was most likely coding a new layout for my Myspace profile or roleplaying as high school characters on Xanga. (Mind you, this was before middle schoolers had iPhones). It was normal for me to spend the entire day in front of the computer without stepping outside if I wasn't at school.

Towards the end of eighth grade, we had less and less homework, so my internet surfing time gradually increased. That June, just days before my middle school graduation, I stumbled upon a new community.

On Xanga, I found “pro-ana” blogs dedicated to “thinspiration” and “thinspo” tips. These accounts were maintained by users with anorexia and other eating disorders.

Many would post pictures of thin celebrities, or just thin people in general, as “inspiration” for those currently fasting-the idea being that if people fasting were constantly exposed to thinness, it would motivate them to keep fasting. Other blogs featured “thinspo tips” or tips for those with eating disorders. For instance, if you had a check-up and needed to be weighed by a nurse, these blogs would guide you through ways of fooling the medical staff into thinking you weighed more.

Tooga/Getty Images

At first, I was appalled. How could these sites be allowed on the internet? But more than that, I was curious. I was familiar with fasting, but I'd always cave by dinner time-my parents and I typically ate at the table together. Maybe these blogs could help me. So I explored.

The majority of these blogs, I came to learn, were personal. They were extremely detailed first-hand accounts of calorie counting and exercising. Comment sections were filled with encouraging messages-most often “stay strong,” which often translated to “keep fasting.”

Within no time, I had a pro-ana blog of my own.

I documented every bite I ate and each workout I managed to finish. I also weighed myself daily. Even before school got out for the summer, I was dropping pounds. “This is amazing,” I recall blogging. I couldn't believe it. I'd always wanted to lose weight-who knew it was as easy as starving myself?

On the night of my eighth grade graduation, I despised getting my photo taken, as per usual. I still felt like the same “fat” person, but I was ready for a change: high school.

That summer, I was going to reinvent myself. Not only was I going to shop for new clothes for high school, but I was going to be thin.

After the graduation ceremony, my family took me out to eat at one of my favorite restaurants in Atlantic City-a pricey night out. I ordered crab since I loved shellfish and looked forward to every occasion where I could eat it (I grew up working class, so we ate crab or lobster once a year). I also didn't want to blow my fasting cover, but as soon as the dish came, my stomach grumbled. I took a single taste and my heart burst. I can't eat this, I told myself.

“I'm feeling sick,” I said as I retreated to the restaurant bathroom. By the time I looked myself in the mirror, there were already tears in my eyes. What have I done?

I returned to the table and explained to my parents that I was too sick to eat, that the crab must have upset my stomach. I watched the server pick up the plate and walk it back to the kitchen. My stomach grumbled again, but my emotional pain over my weight felt greater than anything my stomach could ever do to me.

Hal Bergman Photography/Getty Images

That was the first of many similar events that summer. I could write an entire book about those months. During them, I dropped nearly 30 pounds. I could fit into a size six by my first day of high school.

I attended a new school where I didn't know at least half of my freshman class. I had the chance to be a new person. I had the chance to be thin.

As a teen, I consumed all of the messages the media told young women about their body image. Likewise, every summer, I consumed similar messages about the back-to-school season. That, somehow, if I reinvented myself into a thin person, I would be liked.

I want to say that I learned, very quickly, that appearance alone wouldn't earn me likability-but it did. My new frame was validated by not only my peers who'd seen me in middle school, but by my family, including my own mother.

Soon enough, I couldn't keep up with fasting. The hunger affected my ability to think, communicate, socialize, participate in class, etc. Eventually, fasting all day at school turned into binging-and occasionally purging once I got home.

Today, I still struggle with eating. In a fatphobic culture where the narrative of “revenge bodies” is prevalent, where shows like Insatiable continue to be defended, I sometimes feel that I will always be battling an eating disorder. But I have a better consciousness around media literacy and patriarchy. When back-to-school commercials market new outfits as a new personality, and that I need a new body that will fit into those outfits, I know they're selling a myth. They're profiting off teenage insecurities. And I know now that's wrong.

If you need help battling an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline at (800) 931-2237 and visit NEDA's website.

Author's note: The author identifies as genderfluid, but speaks from their experiences performing as feminine before they had the language to describe their gender identity.

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