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winning you back pt.2
-where haikyu boys try to win back you their ex gf
-this is lwk depressing but maybe it’s bc of the music im listening to rn LMAO
contains; atsumu, tsukishima, kita, sakusa, oikawa, iwaizumi
pt.1 of winning you back here!
atsumu; He still very much has all your pictures on his feed that he never deleted and never will you had to go minimal contact with him because he kept texting you every other day to try to get back together, he still loves you and thinks your gonna be his wife and that this is just a rough patch, so when you post that you��re going to be volunteering at osamu’s restaurant for a charity that osamu is doing for young kids to get into volleyball he takes it upon himself to cancel his practice for that day and go and join you two and begged and forced osamu to make you too work together so he can talk to you, and those dam miya’s being so good and weaseling there way back into life’s, it worked. You two are now talking again. You told him that you wanted to take this slow, but atsumu later that week posted a soft launch of you two at dinner.
tsukishima; tsukishima acts like he’s so nonchalant but no one’s seen him cry over how bad it’s killing him that you can fully ignore him when he’s usually the one doing that. He hates how bad he fucked up so he decided to make a plan to win you back, what does that mean he had to do? work at the same cat cafe as you, at first you weren’t on the same shifts and maybe hanging out with cats was a plus but getting crushed on by other girls wasn’t. Anyways as soon and he saw you two were on the same shift he couldn’t be more happy, it was a slow shift so he used this time to catch up and be very soft and respectful he saw you weren’t fighting back so he was thinking that was a step forward, until later on when a girl came by to order a drink and was clearly flirting with him so tsukishima ignored her, as she said “can i get your number?” you turned to see what he would do all he said was “no i have a girlfriend she’s right there actually, i don’t what gave you the confidence to think you could ask me” he said laughing which left the girl embarrassed and you flustered.
kita; Kita is forever my yearning man. He writes letters for you and sends them, you kept them all because you still didn’t get over him. He thought it was the right choice to let you go but he couldn’t have been more wrong, and I fear kita is the type to have a romantic scene like the movies. So what? anyways he comes by your hour IN THE POURING RAIN. to apologize “i’m sorry im selfish for breaking up with you yn, i just clean up well i forget myself” OOOO YOU END UP SOBBING BC WHO WOULDN'T?! anyways safe to say you kissed in the rain and he won you back
sakusa; stubborn ass ho. He was shocked when you broke things off even more when you actually stood on business, sakusa was one to keep his composure and not crashout but he couldn’t understand why he was so affected by the breakup it’s like his whole life flipped upside down. He even stopped keeping up with himself for a bit which was totally out of the norm. So when you saw him at your apartment in the lates of the night messy hair, wrinkles in his clothes looking dead you knew something was wrong, he almost felt like he could breathe again once you embraced him, disgusting and all and he didn’t let go since and tried to change for the better
oikawa; He acted happy at first like it didn’t matter because he thought you needed him more than he needed you. Oh how wrong he was, the fan girls didn’t support him the way you did, didn’t cheer for him the way you did, no one could cook as good as you, no one could get him out his depression like you could, so one night around 4am he gave you a call wanting to quit volleyball because he felt like he couldn’t do anymore without you there, which broke your heart because you saw how bad he was struggling without you there and that’s when he finally admits “I needed you more than you needed me. Come back yn, i’m sorry” and you did because you needed him just as much as he needed you.
iwaizumi; it was mutual breakup but not really he just did whatever he could to make you happy he hated fighting with you, he never deleted your pictures, he still kept all your stuff that you didn’t take at his house, he was still loyal even if you weren’t together, He blamed himself for not fighting back. he became very very career oriented that’s when he saw you at a job interview, you had just finished interviewing for the place he works at as a sports medical assistant. you weren’t aware he was working there so he stopped you and asked to get lunch since you were leaving and he was on his lunch break. That's where he apologized for not doing more and still thought about you and asked for a redo and would do anything for a second chance, and you agreed because you felt the same.
tags; @solarvrse (for the atsumu one) @sahrii (for the iwaizumi one)
#cherrysurf writes#atsumu x reader#tsukishima x reader#kita x reader#oikawa x reader#kiyoomi sakusa x reader#iwaizumi x you#haikyu x y/n#haikyu x you#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x#haikyuu x imagines#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x gender neutral reader#haikyuu x reader
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has anybody sent in something for our loverboy hockey!eddie yet 🥹 if not here you gooooo
jealousy, ex!boyfriend, angst to fluff please 🥹
for my loveeerrrrrrr <3!!! ofc had to make the ex a lover, sunshine boy too so it's sunshine vs sunshine bc i'm feeling evil lol.
"You know, I've fuckin' missed this so much." Eddie grinned at you from across the booth, leg shaking with excitement, fingers drumming on the table, over the laminated menu of the diner.
"Yeah?" You giggled. "You missed Benny's or you missed me?"
"Both." Eddie grinned back, toothy and wide in a way that made your heart swoon. "Missed you the most, sweetheart, you know tha-"
A man stopped in front of your table, his name leaving your lips before you could recognize him- Ryan.
"Hey," You blinked, a squeak in your voice that had Eddie's attention snapping to you. "Ryan- uh, how have you been?"
"Good, ya know? Busy at school. I'm trying for the Principal job at Rogers Clark Elementary."
"Oh? You got your degree? I didn't know you went back to school."
Eddie burned at how your attention was on this guy, whoever the fuck he was. A frown pulling at his brows, knitting them together nearly petulantly.
"Yeah, I decided to go back. I love being a teacher, ya know, but longterm... Just needed to make more money." Ryan nodded, just as bubbly and nice as you remembered. You certainly had a type.
His eyes flashed over to Eddie. "Oh, uh, Ryan this is my boyfriend, Eddie." You swallowed the awkwardness.
"Oh, shit. I know you." Ryan grinned, reaching his hand out to shake Eddie's. "You play for the Reapers, right?"
"Yeah, I do." Eddie nodded, his voice a little tighter than usual, so was his grip on Ryan's hand when he shook it.
"I caught the end of the game last week, it was unreal. What a way to end the season." Ryan nodded.
"Thanks, yeah, it was. It was a good season." Eddie smiled lightly, looking over at you. "Glad to be home now."
Ryan looked from Eddie to you, nodding awkwardly. "Sorry, I'll let you two get back to it. Just wanted to say hi."
"Good to see you, Ryan. Good luck!" You waved to him as he walked off, turning back to Eddie, greeted by a rather sulky pout.
"What?" Your lips curled gently.
"Was that Ryan-Ryan?" Eddie frowned. "The ex?"
"Yeah, the ex." You nodded awkwardly, flipping the menu over. "Are you getting chocolate chip waffles? Or an omelette?"
Eddie didn't reply, face still long in a pout, arms crossing over his chest. "What?" You looked at him, a soft, lifted brow in question. "What's wrong?"
Eddie looked at you, then back over his shoulder. "Why were you all happy to see Ryan?" He said his name with disgust.
"Happy? I don't think I was happy." You rolled your eyes lightly. "I was being polite."
"Yeah, well, he was too polite to you." Eddie grumbled, sulking over the table. "Weird guy."
"Eddie," You laughed lightly, setting down you menu. "Seriously?"
Eddie didn't let up, his frown furrowing more, lip jutting farther. You giggled at his petulant look, sliding out from your side of the booth, and into his side, your body pressed up against his.
"You don't have to worry about Ryan or anyone, baby, you know you don't." You muttered, wrapping your arms around him, pulling him close to you. Your lips ducked under Eddie's waterfall of curls, peppering kisses to his cheek until you felt them tug, curling in a soft grin he tried to hide.
#oneforthemunny#vivisblurbgame#hockey!eddie x reader#hockey!eddie munson#hockey!eddie#hockey player!eddie munson#hockey!eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x fem!reader fluff#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson fluff#eddie x fem!reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie stranger things#eddie my love <3#eddie munson#eddie munson blurb#oneforthemunny blurbs#eddie munson x reader smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson au
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hi hi hello i have a very awesome request for Wkko🤗
so imagine he’s working on some type of new invention or something of the sorts
and he just wouldn’t pay attention to you and you just keep prying at him until he caves and edges you or be a little rough just to put you in your place but hes still all sweet giving you praises and kissing you🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
"Isn't this what you Wanted, huh?"
He whispered into your ear, pressing his chest onto your back while he rutted into you, biting into any exposed skin he could get
"C'mon, answer me baby."
He leaned back, pressing his hand into your lower back to deepen your arch, groaning at the way you constricted around him. Ekko had bent you over his desk, moving his things to the side so he could fill you up, being so needy for him he couldn't ignore it any longer.
"Yes. . .Fuck! Yes, I needed this.."
Your fingers clawd at the wooden desk that creaked beneath both your bodies, toes curling at the way his thick tip hit right into your core, walls clenching to pull him in for more.
"Yes! Ekko, please- right t..right there.!"
Your begs ran right through his mind, provoking him to fuck you harder, his hips slamming right into your ass with a great force that it would surely leave a mark.
"You just couldn't wait huh? Yer' always so fucking needy f'me."
He slowed his hips, illiciting a whine from your lips, pushing back against him to regain that same friction. He let out a breath chuckle, holding your hips in place while he dragged his all the way back, stopping when his tip was just about to exit.
"Uhnt uhnt..ima have my way with you baby."
His words lingered before he gave one big thrust right back into you, a groan turned into a whimper shot out his mouth, the action sending a wave of electricity through your connected bodies.
He continued his fast and rushed thrusts, knocking you into the desk, causing your feet to lift up slightly. You were on your tippy toes, fucked out beyond imagination from how well he was driving his cock into you.
"Ek- ah!..please I'm gonna cum..!"
Your words flew mindlessly past him and into the heated air around you, yelps and pleads joining right after as he kept drilling into you, the table under you decorated with scratch marks from your need to hold onto something.
Just as you were about to release, Ekko pulled out and flipped you onto your back, diving right back in to continue with the same fast and rough pace that had your toes curled.
"Cu- hah..cum with me, yeah?"
His thrusts slowed down, pressing his chest against yours to get as deep as possible, allowing his thick mushroom tip to pound into that one spot that he knew would leave you dazed.
It only took him a couple of minutes before you clamped down on him, greedily pulling him in for more while you drowned in your orgasm, Ekko shuddering before halting his hips, shoving his face into the nook of your neck to muffle the pathetic whines he was letting out as his cock spurt out into you.
After a brief moment of silence, Ekko stood back up and pulled out, racing to get a warm wet cloth and a bottle of water for you. Picking you up and placing you on the couch he conveniently had put there in case something had come up.
"Y'know, that helped clear my mind- thank you."
"So you'll spend time with me?"
"Three hours, then I'm back to work, alright?"
"Great."
You leaned in for a kiss, making sure that the Three hours would go to good use.
Soo...hey!!
I'm still working on ALOT of yalls requests and my own personal projects, gonna take a while to post bc i got mad writers block rn but..
Do Not Fear, I Am Still Here! 👅
Xoxo
#azana#x black reader#chubby!reader#black plus size reader#arcane x male reader#arcane smut#arcane#ekko arcane#ekko smut#ekko league of legends#ekko x reader#ekko x you#ekko x black reader#ekko x male reader#ekko
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man i cannot stop thinking about Revallen finding the bones of his father. cannot fathom why the inquisition would be in coastal Nevarra. but it would be SUCH a gut punch not only for Revallen but also Dorian (the bones of a father that gave his life for his son(isn't that what a father should be?)) and the other companions to a certain extent (you've never seen the Inquisitor this haunted)
I see Revallen recognizing a landmark and just freezing. he doesn't move a muscle for like a solid minute, just staring at [whatever]. the companions are confused and concerned, if Cole is there he starts wigging out. someone asks what's wrong and instead of answering, Revallen takes off in a new direction, leaving the companions to catch up. he's practically barreling through the vegetation, completely ignoring the cries of slow down and Amatus!
Eventually they catch up to him, because he's stopped at the base of a massive, gnarled tree. Hell, it's not even one tree, it's a tangle of several different ones, roots embedded into what looks like a collapsed, rocky hillside. Some of the roots are blackened and sick, dark tendrils reaching up the trunks of the trees twisted together like thread. It's absolutely massive, and Revallen is standing at the base of the rooted stones, staring up towards the canopy. His eyes are hollow, haunted. when they ask him again what's wrong he turns his head to look at them for just a moment. then, wordlessly, he reaches out his hand, and places it on one of the thicker taproots tangled in the stone.
for a long, tense moment, nothing happens. then the taproot starts to move. a few pebbles fall. smaller, thinner wisps of root begin to smoke, resisting Revallen's mana, and then withdraw. Slowly, haltingly, the roots release their grip on the stones, revealing not a hillside but a collapsed cave entrance. Revallen pulls down one of the stones, and the rest follow, lacking the tension to hold them in place. then he steps into the cave.
there are signs of an old fight. darkspawn weapons and armor, and their blighted bones. against one of the cave walls is a semicircle of clear ground, roots reaching towards a skeleton in the center, clad in rotting Keeper's robes.
Revallen heads straight for the skeleton. He kneels next to it, and the companions enter the cave to his whispered elvish prayers.
They hang back, uneasy. One of them tentatively asks what happened here. Revallen reaches forward and picks up the skull from where it had fallen off the neck, holding it in both hands to peer into its empty sockets.
"During the Blight," he says quietly, "Keeper Dirennen made his last stand here. Darkspawn were starting to appear from this cave, from a single connection to the Deep Roads. Dirennen baited them, and when they were focused on him, he collapsed the entrance and sealed it. He was a gifted adahl'eralan - that tree outside was his doing. He gave his life to protect his clan."
"How do you know this?"
"I watched it happen." He shifts the skull to one hand to count on his fingers. "I was... 16 at the time. The last thing he did before this stand was carve my vallaslin."
"Your vallaslin? He was your Keeper?"
"No," Revallen stands, still holding the skull as if it were made of spun glass. "He was my father."
Then he turns and exits the cave.
do they follow? I mean, they must - he's the Inquisitor. but this is so sudden, so private. Dorian, at least, follows without question. he's never seen Revallen like this, and it worries him.
outside, Revallen is digging a hole at the base of the twisted tree, clawing through the dirt with his bare hands. His father's skull is set beside him on one of the taproots, watching the proceedings with its skeletal grin.
Dorian kneels beside him and places a gentle hand on his back. Revallen starts a little, but relaxes when he sees who it is. "Are you all right, Amatus?"
"Yes," Revallen says automatically, "no. I don't know. I never expected to set foot here again." He sits back, his filthy hands in his lap, and stares at the skull for a long, heavy moment. Then he lifts it tenderly off of the root and sets it in the hole, facing the sky.
"Is there anything we should do for him?" Dorian asks quietly.
Revallen sighs, rubbing an eye with the back of his hand. "Normally, we bury our dead with oaken staff and a branch of cedar, to help them on their journey and keep away Fear and Deceit. Then we plant a tree over their grave. But I have neither staff nor cedar branch, so this will have to do."
He scoops a handful of dirt into the makeshift grave. Dorian nods and does the same, and together, the pair of them bury the skull of Revallen's father.
"Hahren na melana sahlin," Revallen murmurs, pushing his fingers into the loose dirt, holding a seed. "Emma ir abelas. Souver'inan isala hamin, vhenan him dor'felas. In din'an na revas. Vir sulahn'nehn, vir dirthera. Vir samahl la numin. Vir lath sa'vunin."
A pulse of mana flows from Revallen's fingers into the seed, which sprouts, pushing up through the loose soil and growing rapidly to the size of a ten-year-old tree.
"Now that is an impressive bit of magic, if I do say so."
Revallen stands, brushing the dirt off his knees. "I'm not as good as my father was."
"He sounds like quite the man." Dorian looks up at the twisted column of trees, towering over the silver birch Revallen just sprouted. "What was that you called him earlier? Adahl..."
"Adahl'eralan."
"What does that mean?"
Revallen considers his answer as he digs some of the dirt from beneath his fingernails. "I think it'd be 'xylomancer', mage of trees. He could make the trees walk. In places where the Veil is thin, he could even make them sing."
"That's incredible. I wish I could have met him."
Revallen looks at him, then reaches out to stroke his cheek with the back of his finger. "I think he would have liked you," he says with a gentle smile.
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#revallen lavellan#dorian x lavellan#GOOD FUCKING GOD THIS GOT LONG#me: hmmm hey here's an idea [vomits 2000 words]#i stopped there bc i had to stop fucking typing#dorian continues#'do you really? the evil tevinter magister that seduced his son?'#revallen snortlaughs. 'oh yes. he was devoted to the god of *secrets*. he'd have loved the chance to talk about magic with a necromancer.'#'and he... wouldn't care about the other thing?'#'what other- oh. no. he wouldn't have cared - he took men to bed himself from time to time.'#and dorian goes DAMN IT I WISH I HAD YOUR DAD. WHAT THE FUCK#gee revallen how come your dad is both awesome AND bisexual?#WHERE do you think rev got the awesome bisexuality from#god dammit i might as well make him a tag#dirennen tillahnen
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super disorganized sketch page because i do what i want
#my art#not sure if i wanna tag these... hrm#i wonder if alt text shows up in search results.... shudders#well anyway. i wanna ramble about these!!#for willy mafton: i've been working on designing more of the human cast. mainly all the big name important ones#it's been a slow process + a little challenging but i like getting the chance to practice drawing faces! :]#in regards to His design specifically.. it's very much based off of his movie apperance#but with a reference to that Classic sprite thrown in#bc i thought making him a little cartoony and inhuman would fit him :] but idk im not an expert on his character or anything#about the rabbit lady: i forgot how i had that idea initially but it ended up looking so fucking cool tbh#im always a fan of making her design less of a feminine eye candy type of design and more of a Spooky Murderer type >:3c#it also gave me the idea to try making some similar designs for the glams...#but if i do that im not gonna be giving them that vintage rubber mask look... since they're meant to be super flashy and high tech looking#so i was thinking they could have faces with more of a silicone texture.. and that have a style based more off of their in game art work :]#so they'd be like giant dolls with weird moving faces rather than having a vintage animatronic look#also that van in the bottom middle is 100% a homage to a specific user i wont be mentioning but iykyk HFJZJFJF#ANYWAY the 🌞🌜 stuff: dont be weird about it please HFJZJG#im aware that these tags are very easy to ignore but like. genuinely pls dont be weird about them#dont romanticize it. its not meant to be ''y/ndere'' or anything like that#its actually a bit personal to me so like... interpret it as you like but be aware its not meant to be a happy or positive thing#anyway i think thats all i have to say... i've been trying to branch out a tiny bit regarding the things i draw#it's always nice to challenge yourself even if its tough... especially if its tough!!#i mainly draw just for my own sake but i hope ppl see something they like here#these tags got so fucking long oops... i'll stop now JFKZJFKSJGKSJG
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Hey there, are you ok?
hey! thank you for checking up on me, this was really sweet!
i SWEAR i did not die. i just got a bit busy doing SladeRobin Week (which i will finish so help me god-) as well as things in my real life. i'm still trying to find the balance of like. fandom creation and working. i am very lucky to have the living situation that i do rn, but it is the sort of schedule where i do have to be ready to watch a baby at really any given point so. it's a tricky balance right now, but i'm going to be active here again! maybe not as many asks answered a day as before, but i want to try to answer like, a few a day and whatnot.
i also think i got briefly overwhelmed, in that i got more asks faster than i answered them. which is the opposite of a problem and something i'm very lucky for! but it did make it difficult for me to keep up and know what to answer next. (this is *not* a discouragement to sending asks! i love them all and pls send as many as you want! i just am a little slow sometimes so i appreciate the patience! <3)
so! i'm back and i'm good, ty for asking! we are back to the regularly scheduled programming <3
#necrotic answerings#this was really sweet anon#like not asking for content. just checking in#made me so soft#also when I initially was going to come back there was you know.#the fucking us election.#and I think it's very fucking clear by the everything about me how I feel about that#I needed a few days to just. handle feelings on all that#also also I started a new show. my partner finally convinced me to watch 911.#so i've been thinking about those lil firefighters.#which. I did make a blog for 911.#haven't posted anything yet! but I made it.#bc godDAMNIT the dead dove scene over there is scarce. fandom full of antis Jesus.#I like a challenge tho. I'm bringing the dead dove to the firefighters not even god can stop me on that one.#I have almost 100 asks to work through.#AND I WILL FINISH THE WHUMP ONES I SWEAR ON MY LIFE PLEASE.#I just had a few weeks of adjustment to both my sister and my brother in law working full time again#I love my darling nephew. but I cannot type and play with him at the same time.#taking care of babies is like. easy until it isn't idk how better to explain it#he will sleep for 4 damn hours and I will be peacefully bored#then he wakes up and wants to fight Jesus.#I don't like kidfic but I could write a good one with this experience by now tbh.
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save me the new has teacher is making us write songs abt what we're learning instead of studying for some reason and everyones just using the fucking music ai :( again :( i hate this
#EVERY HASS TEACHER IV HAD HAS GONE ON SOME TANGENT ABOUT THE INEVITABILITY OF AI REPLACING ACTUAL ART#IM SO SICK OF IT#EVERYONE IN MY YEAR USES AI AT ANY CHANCE POSSIBLE IM FUCKING TIRED STOP#AND I CANT EXACTLY TELL THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BC 1. SOCIAL ANXIETY AND 2. IM KNOWN AS THE SCHOOL FAG NOBODY LISTENS TO MEEE#AT LEAST PUT ON HEADPHONES FML THEYR BLASTING SHITTY AI MUSIC IM KILLING IM THROWING HANDS#SENDING EVERYONE INTO THE SUN I HATE EVERYONE IN MY CLASS#PLAYING THIS SHIT AS I TYPE I NEED TO LEAVE THIS SCHOOL FOREVER AND EVER BUT ITS POINTLESSSS IM KILLING#blash things#SHUT THE FUCK UP#SHUT THE FUCK UPPP WHY IS OUR TEACHER ENCOURAGING THIS SHIT I HATE EVERONE HERE
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i was so overcome with emotion today i cried my eyes out in a parking lot before hitting the highway, but not even because i feel sad…like im sure the sadness will hit me later that it’s over and 2ourdust in general is Over, but that was probably the happiest cry i’ve ever had in my fucking life about how fall out boy even remembered what somerset went through and CARED enough to make it up to us by giving us the most insane best show fucking ever last night ☹️❤️❤️❤️❤️ fall out boy forever and ever and ever and ever and ever if you even care
#when pete mentioned somerset the first time last night it made me cry :( <333#and even that acknowledgement without the crazy fucking 8balls would have been redemption enough for me#but then 🥹🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#this is doing terrible things for my parasocial tendencies but holy fuck fall out boy forever!!!!!!!!!!!#i said i would kind of stop at 4 fob tattoos BITCH NO IM ABOUT TO GET 20 MORE IDC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#what a truly special band they are i’m crying again as i type this#i’m also so relieved it all worked out bc when i bought the tickets i was like. will i make this work uhhh we’ll see……#but it worked out and the car troubles and tom’s injury didn’t hold us back BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also it was unexpectedly emotional for me that they played tkaa bc my first ever fob show had that song ☹️❤️❤️#what a special way to tie it back to my first ever show ughh i love fob
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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Finally deleted MyFitnessPal off my phone for my own personal sanity
#got some memories with that app#at first it was just sitting there bc I couldn’t stop myself from tracking the calories of some things#but after a 13 day streak shit could only get worse so I deleted it#proud of myself#that thing had me in chokehold last year did not want a repeat#tw myfitnesspal#tw mentions of eating disorder#random post#ooc post#kind of vent#???#started to wake up stressed out about what I’m gonna eat and I was like nooo not ts again#was literally restricting myself to 1200 cals a day AND IM 5’7#tw eating issues#sucks when you’re not even underweight so you don’t feel valid#waitttt I was not meant to trauma dump in this post#can we not bring being 2000s model skinny back into being trendy bc why are body types a tend in the first place#I can change fashion but definitely not my body#no bc this world is fucked up why was I scared to die alone bc I wasn’t skinny when I was literally 10#I hate that it’s normalized to praise people’s bodies#like idc if that makes me soft but a girl just living and everyone just talking about how good her body is#why is that okay bc yes it is positive but it also creates so many negatives#like does anyone get what I mean#it’s a compliment but it also makes everyone including that person afraid to be anything but ‘body goals’#idk how to explain it but like imo bodies shouldn’t serve aesthetic purposes#they actually have functions and needs and they allow us to live#tw body image issues#I hate wiead’s too but that’s just because why is everyone’s food so gourmet I literally just slap some butter onto toast lol#late night post
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i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead
#i try to walk as fast as i humanly can. which i shouldn't bc it hurts and makes me dizzy. and i'm still slower than everyone else#last week we divided into groups and had to walk to checkpoints around the city to do tasks#i had a friend in my group who knows abt my issues and they walked slower with me which was nice. everyone else walked like 10 20 meters#ahead and it was fucking embarrassing bc for every checkpoint they had to wait for me#and i felt bad my friend couldn't talk to anyone else in the group bc they were zooming way ahead of us and i'm the one who couldn't keep up#and like. they didn't know my body's fucked. but these are people i do not know well at all and maybe i don't wanna disclose my medical#history to everyone i interact with#and like this event wasn't mandatory. i could've skipped it#but it's every fucking time#most nights we end up going to a bar and to these people “walking distance” is like a half an hour. and they walk fast#i can never keep up#i don't reallu enjoy bars either and i don't drink but you just kinda have to endure to socialize. some days i can't handle it tho#this week there's another checkpoint type activity. i know i shouldn't. i know i'm gonna slow everyone down#but i got specifically asked and invited to be a part of a team. i can't remember the last time that happened#also we're doing a group costume and mine includes platform heels on the streets of a very old city i am so cooked#my friend is nice tho. they know the basic lore and check up on me a bunch which always catches me off guard 😭#i'm used to pushing through and also used to people not really taking my shit into consideration so i don't know how to respond sometimes#2 people in the group know the issues and i just sent the gc a “sorry in advance i can't walk very fast” so like what else is there to do#only accessibility info we're ever given is if it's wheelchair accessible. and that's good. like you should do that. but it kinda ends there#like how much walking is there. where are the stops. are there places to sit.#i love having to either push through or be excluded disabilities are awesome#been in soooo much pain lately and have to take breaks walking uphill. functional body#i live in an area where everything. literally everything. is uphill one way or another. so as you can imagine it's going great#also “you have to endure to socialize” as if i don't end up hovering around my friend like a lost puppy with separation anxiety anyway#the group costume is winx club. btw
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it's crazy finding out you're autistic as an adult bc then you start to notice the ways it affects you and has affected you throughout life
and then it becomes a hyperfixation bc you're like "omg this makes so much sense now" and you start feeling a bit better about yourself knowing that there's an explanation to everything
#.bdo#autism#''panic attack disorder'' they have all been full-on meltdowns#which is just as much of a reason that I stopped working as my chronic pain#bc the last job i had i quit in the middle of a phone call#bc the lights and sounds on top of the problem solving on top of my ADHD were Too Much#i was also incorrectly diagnosed with both bipolar type 1 and BPD#it was the PTSD mixed with everything else like my post-partum depression and psychosis#found out that the ''bipolar'' was just me being happier when i have my pain meds#and getting everything done in those couple of weeks where i felt better (''mania'')#and of course more depressed when i'm in more pain bc i can't not notice it#and then also my period really fucks me up too and i get extremely angry for 3-7 days straight#but anyway#i noticed how i stim and how the way i think specifically in patterns and numbers#i've always had really bad texture issues w both food and fabric#i have misophonia and can also feel certain noises (ESPECIALLY mouth noises)(ESPECIALLY if it's repetitive)#it makes me feel like i need to make the noise too#and half the people in my family have vocal stims#ik they can't help it but it sends me into panic attacks & meltdowns#i can hear electricity on top of my tinnitus#i get socially overwhelmed easily bc of all the masking#i talk to myself and make my own noises when im alone#i have repetitive thoughts that will cycle for weeks sometimes months at a time#so i think the ocd is comorbid#bc ever since i was like 5 i've had this pattern that i HAVE to tap on things every now and then or it drives me insane#i get intense hyperfixations for months or years#there's just a lot i notice about myself now
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monitoring by deco*27 could be a soldierspy song if you just give me 12 hours and 5 cans of monster to explain
#not rb#I need to stop saying this type of shit#already feeling like that one “sponge plus star equals clam” spongebob gif#“guys I think apple is orange” *never elaborates* *leaves*#okay but listen. LISTEN‚#pov character (of the mv) is a paranoid freak projecting a mix of fear (of judgement) and desire onto the singer.#said singer ultimately just wants them to be okay but might be unusually persistent/devoted in said endeavour (up to interpretation??)#“lean on me with your whole weight” thinks of their dynamic in emblue where soldier constantly sacrifices for spy for practically no reason#(other than his commitment to the system)#is that how spy sees him? a willing‚ almost eager pawn?#“call my name‚ and anytime I’ll come hither” do you get it. Do You Understa#also just. The theme of perceived inseparability#“I'll always be by your side” are words the pov character is putting in the singer's mouth#(well. the entire song is. but you get it)#(actually on a meta level this song works best when sung by vsynth/vocaloid bc of both the fictitious nature of the singer and the fact tha#that *all* vocaloid songs are technically putting words into the mouth of an interpretation of said singer. if that makes any sense)#sorry that's off topic anyways my point being#the pov character is both put off and endeared by whom they perceive to be a weirdo watching them#this is the closest they have to a support system. this is the only person they really have batting for them#they are also unwilling to really open up to this interpretation of the singer because it's easier to imagine that they already know#that the pov character won't have to go through the trouble of exposing themselves. that the singer understands in the way they need to#and is blindly‚ unquestioningly loyal Anyway#remind you (me) of anyone#this is how I justify listening to this fucking song on repeat for the past 72 hours#this is also how I spread my “soldier should lovingly maul spy because they're both freaks” agenda#ty for coming to my ted talk. I had to save this in my drafts first to make sure I didn't hit the tag limit 💀
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now realizing that i haven't seen an edgepuff fic any longer than a oneshot since fucking. 2022. and not even a oneshot since 2023. god.
#I CAN'T KEEP MAKING MY OWN FOOD WHEN I ONLY GET MOTIVATION TWICE A YEAR AND BURNT OUT FOR THE REST. SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT PLEASEEEEEEEEEE#coffee shop mafia au fic that i stopped commenting on bc of burnout pls come back................i miss u so bad...........................#sigh. it doesn't help that with selfcest fics ao3 search is borderline unusable i'm not gonna lie#click on any tag that even remotely specifies what ship it is and get sent to the papyrus/papyrus tag. its all spicyhoney now fuck you#then even if u grab the search function by the neck and force it to specify the actual ship nobody tags their shit consistently 😭😭#sometimes it's the actual word edgepuff by itself. sometimes it's edgepuff - relationship. sometimes it's Ut Papyrus/Uf Papyrus - Freeform#sometimes it's undertale papyrus/underfell papyrus. sometimes it's papyrus/underfell papyrus#all of these tags need to be manually typed out in the additional tags filter and you can only search one at a time#but no matter which tag it is the most recent fic is a 1 chapter smutfic from 2023 by someone who primarily writes fontcest#sometimes i hate my ability to happily sustain myself without needing anything new. things would be so simple if i could just Move On#alas if i had the ability to lose interest in things due to lack of content i would have left the undertale fandom by like 2018#and well. happy new year#i kinda failed at my resolution to get more cringe on the normal blog last year tbh. maybe i should go even harder now to make up for it#i gotta talk about the intricacies of edge wanting to get dicked down by russ in the middle of snowdin forest on main. for my health#a full essay about russ's biting kink and why it makes their ship a whole different level of complex and compelling 2 me....i can dream
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#dustox#hi! if you're coming from the cascoon post's tags‚ you already know what's up. i just woke up and i need to take my meds but i have yet to#and i have to go to work in an hour and a half. yippeeee! anyway. i think there was a shadow dustox in pkmn colosseum?#either that or i remember it super vividly bc one of the guys in pyrite town had one. which i think might (also?) be the case#i remember pretty much every pokémon those guys in pyrite town had. bc as a kid i always went back to battle them#i would always go back to check to see if they were done fighting me. and when they wanted to fight me again i would always be surprised#every time. as a kid. i thought eventually they'd stop or something i didn't even know that i was effectively just grinding#but also i was really bad at catching shadow pokémon bc i didn't know anything about type matchups. i thought the whole#not very effective and supereffective things were just totally random. so i always thought it was so funny when it said#it's not very effective… a critical hit!! because i thought that made no sense. because i didn't know what the fuck it meant#luckily‚ now i do. my brain is very filled with pokémon knowledge………#i'm gonna get off my tag-soapbox and take some meds. y'all remember to take yours‚ too‚ now
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THIS SHOW IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS
#WHY DENNIS OF ALL FUCKING CHARACTERS#real question is why did clove and i recognise him immediately#we got too overwhelmed and had to stop watching#but anyway im predicting that hez still on silvers payroll#and has been for the last 30 years#just in case silver needed a karate guy#i Dont think kreese knows this is happening#bc i dont think he knows dennis#and ill be really mad if it Is kreese behind this somehow#its Gotta be silver i just know it#dont tell me pls we're watchinf slowly#type first#mango do not fucking read this its spoilers
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