#i stopped there bc i had to stop fucking typing
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Tummy ache
Do I have kids? No. Do I want kids? Fuck no. Did I still write this because dad logan makes me feel a certain type of way? HELL YES
Pairing: Worst!Logan x single mom!Reader
Summary: It's late and your little daughter Laura won't stop crying and screaming, no matter what you do. You take her to your best friend Wade, who lives in the same apartment buildung. Will he and Logan be able to help you?
Wordcount: 3.4k
Warning/tags: english is not my first language, fluff, slight missunderstandings, Wade bc he needs a warning, implied sexual themes, friends to lovers, just cuteness, Laura doesn't exists as an adult like in the movie, rushed ending?, leave me alone I finished this at midnight
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Logan was snoring on the couch in Wades apartment when loud, frantic knocks sounded on the door. He grumbled in annoyance as he turned, pulling a pillow over his head.
He heard Wade skip to the door in a pair of white underpants with hearts on them and a loose, grey wolverine fangirl shirt. "Must be the horse dildo I ordered" he spoke happily as if it was the most normal thing to say. Once Wade opened the door, the piercing shrieks of a baby crying echoed through the apartment.
You held your one year and a half old daughter in your arms, her face red as she cried into your shoulder. Wade noted that your hair was a mess and you seemed awfully tired. Well- it was late and on any other day, you and your daughter would already be sleeping. But there was clearly something that bothered her. She had been crying and screeching and in discomfort for an hour without you finding what caused it or how to fix it.
You tried feeding her, but she wouldn't open her mouth for the spoon. You tried reading to her, but she would always push away the books. You changed her diapers in case her sensitive skin was irritated by the dampness, but she hadn't peed. You didn't know why she was so distressed and nothing seemed to distract her from whatever it was that made her cry.
You were desperate. And while your best friend Wade wasn't really...fond of kids, which you couldn't blame him for, you still went to him for help. You never truly wanted kids yourself. But when the condom broke and your ex left you upon finding out you were pregnant, you were stuck with your baby. And now you wouldn't trade her for the world. Except in times where she was screaming with no appearant reason. "Hey Wade, I'm so sorry to bother you guys this late at night, but Laura, she won't stop crying. I've tried everything and I don't know what to do" you croaked, rocking the small child in your arms, shushing her to no avail.
Wade brought you inside so you wouldn't stay outside in the hallway any longer. No need for some neighbors to peek their head out of their doors to see what was going on.
In situations like these, Wade could be oddly serious and actually tried to help. He knew you were insecure because of your baby. You didn't want to be a nuisance or burden to anyone because you knew that your daughter could be a lot. Kids were high maintanance and you didn't want to make people feel like they were obligated to make room and drop everything once you arrived with your child. You couldn't expect from anyone that they were okay with you bringing your kid over. But Wade wanted you to know that even though he didn't like kids, you were his best friend and Laura had been nothing but a sweetheart so far. You were always welcome in his apartment.
Wade kicked Logan from the couch "Get your fat ass off the couch, the Lady needs a place to sit" he loudly said over Lauras crying. Logan groaned. You sat on the sofa and tried to take up as little space as possible. "Im sorry Logan, didn't want to disturb your sleep." you apologized meekly. "I can..I can move to the chair here" you muttered, pointing to an uncomfortable-looking wooden chair that replaced an armchair, which had recently been thrown out of the apartment due to mysterious stains and various rips and cuts in the fabric.
You had met Logan a few times since he lived with Wade and Althea. And you would be a liar if you said he didn't catch your eye. He was tall, broad and very handsome, pretty much right up you alley. But there was no way he was looking for a chaotic single mother that barely had her life together and struggled to raise an unplanned child because her ex left her. Yeah, no. You were miserable. Logan didn't need any of that.
Adding to that, he always seemed to avoid you when Laura was near. You just thought he didn't like kids, which was totally fair. Truthfully, Logan liked kids and had always wanted some of his own, but it just...never happened. With him being the worst wolverine and all.
Then why did he avoid you and your baby?
Simply said, he didn't want to scare her. Most kids looked at him like he was some sort of big, bad monster. Some ran away, some started crying, others hid from him behind their parents when he walked by. He wasn't good with children either because they never let him close enough before getting scared. He was afraid that Laura would react the same way like all children did. He didn't want you to back away once you realised that Laura didn't approve of him.
He couldn't bear only seeing you from afar.
As you were about to stand up from the couch, Logan stopped you. "No, its fine. Stay on the couch. I can move" he replied and you felt another pang as he moved away from you again.
Wade leaned over the couch, looking down at Laura who was still wailing uncontrollably. You sighed deeply, a throbbing ache behind your eyes. "Why won't you stop crying? What's wrong, sweetheart?" you nearly sobbed as well. You were so tired of this, so tired of this sound. You felt so helpless and stupid. "Maybe she wants some food? We have some left-over pizza, I can grind that stuff up into a slurry for her or something" Wade suggested.
You softly shook your head. "She doesn't want to eat, I tried. I also tried to read her a bedtime story, but she just push me away. I also changed her diapers but nothing helped" you rasped, ready to just fall asleep on the spot.
Wade reached down to get your crying daughter out of your arms. "How about you get some sleep while Wolvie and I take care of Laura? Maybe we'll find out what's rubbing her the wrong way." Wade said, cooing to your crying baby. You fell onto the couch, closing your eyes. "I can't just sleep when she is crying" you mumbled, clearly deadly tired.
"We'll take care of her. You go sleep" Logan drawled and his deep voice soothed you even more, made you even more sleepy. It was so easy to let your body betray your mind and you hated it. "Okay..." you whispered, too tired to argue. And before you could snuggle into the couch cushions, you felt two strong arms slip under your body and lifting you up as if you weighted nothing. You were so tired, you couldn't even gasp or protest as Logan brought you into Wades room, your senses enveloped with his scent.
He carefully lowered you down onto the matress, covering you up with a blanket. "Sleep tight, love. We'll take great care of your little one, so you don't have to worry about a thing" he drawled softly and only after closing the door behind him did he hope that you hadn't catched his slip-up, that he had called you love.
~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~
In had been another two hours of constant crying and screaming. The kid must be exhausted from all the crying, but she still didn't stop. If you asked Logan, it became even worse.
"God, can you shut up for a minute? I am trying everything here!" Wade stressed, bouncing Laura in his arms and patting her back. "Don't tell your mom I said that" he whispered right after. Laura wailed and pushed herself away from Wade with her tiny hands, which were surprisingly really strong. She squirmed in his grasp, desperate to be set down.
"This is how you thank me? I've worked my ass off the past hour to get everything to your liking and now you push me away?" he grumbled, but set her down with a loud 'ouch!' after she started to scratch him.
Her tiny feet waddled against the livingroom floor as fat tears rolled down her chubby cheeks. She had a tummy ache, but she couldn't communicate that with anyone. There were a few words she knew and could say- cat, dog, mama. But she didn't have the words to say that something was hurting.
Logan sat on the couch and watched her as she stood a few feet away from him with her red face, screaming together the whole neighborhood. He sighed deeply, the sound making his ears ring. Then, out of nowhere, she waddled over to him.
"No, no, bub. Not a good idea. Get back to uncle Wade" he told her, scooting up the couch a bit more. He could have just stood up and walk away- why didn’t he? Laura stood between his legs now, demanding uppies from him as she cried. Logan shook his head, ready to call Wade from the kitchen, when Laura began screetching, stretching herself to Logan, standing on her small tip toes.
With a huff, he picked her up, his big and warm hands eveloping her small body. He leaned back against the couch with her on his lap. To his surpise, she quieted down. "You okay now, bub?" he asked her, jumping as she snuggled herself against his chest. Due to his mutation, Logan was always very warm. His whole body was like a heater and that warmth soothed Lauras tummy ache, unbeknownst to him.
The apartment was quiet now, only a few hiccups and sighs coming from Laura as she let her stomach ache be washed away by Logans cozy warm body. He didn't know what to do! One minute he was tortured by her screams and now she was napping on him. On him! Out of all people, she chose to rest on him.
"Is she dead!?" It was now Wades turn to yell as he came stumbling into the kitchen because it suddenly went all quiet. Logan didn't answer him nor did he move a muscle, too scared to wake your baby up.
"What the fuck" Wade blurted out upon seeing something he had never thought he would ever witness in his entire life. Logan shushed him, making Wade frown. He came closer, his face next to Lauras sleeping one "You little cheating slut" he sharply whispered, earning himself a shove from Logan. "Seriously, did you knock her out? Why is she sleeping all of a sudden?" Wade asked with crossed arms.
"I don't know. She wanted me to pick her up, so I did. Then she stopped crying and fell asleep" Logan explained, a warm feeling spreading in his chest as he watched the slow rise and fall of Lauras breath, her tiny hand tightly holding onto his shirt.
"Wow" Wade said. "You're the baby whisperer" Logan shot him a glare.
Wade went on a rant about how everything would have been easier if Logan took Laura from the start before finally falling asleep draped over the chair, leaving Logan alone with his thoughts. For a moment, Logan thought about bringing Laura to you so she could sleep with her mom. But as he tried to peel her off of him, she started fuzzing and whimpering until she was laying back on his chest.
He sighed deeply. Well, gotta make the best of the situation, huh? With a grunt, he made himself comfortable on the couch and fell asleep with a broad hand securily holding Laura on top of him.
~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~
You woke up well rested. Weird. You haven't slept this good since Laura had been born.
Laura!
You jumped awake, stumbling over some stuff in Wades room before you reached the door. It was quiet as you opened it and you were met with the sight of Logan, the fucking Wolverine, sound asleep with your daughter cuddled up on him as if he was some kind of big teddy.
Your heart soared in your chest, your stomach did flips and summer saults. And your pussy throbbed. Couldn't help it, seeing him with your baby did something to your ovaries. It was...so cute. You wanted nothing more than to snuggle up with them, trace patterns onto his pecks while Laura would squeak out an adorable smile-
"Mama" Laura squealed suddenly, flashing you a smile with her few teeth. "Hey there, baby" you cooed to her, kneeling down next to the couch to be eye-level with her. She smiled brightly, whatever it was that had bothered her yesterday completely forgotten. "You seem happy using uncle Logan as a pillow" you said to her, kissing her chubby cheek.
Logan started waking up, only registering Laura at first. "You slept well, bub?" he muttered with a deep sleep laced voice, gently rubbing Lauras small head with his large hand that easily fitted around the back of her head.
"Yes, I did. Thank you for asking" you giggled softly, amused by the way Logan nearly jumped out of his skin upon noticing that you were there too, witnessing how he went soft for your daughter. An embarrassed blush krept onto his face and he cleared his throat, sitting up and avoiding your gaze. "Sorry, she...she only stopped crying when she sat on my lap"
You smiled softly at him. "Seems like she really likes you, then." and I like you too, you wanted to add, but didn't. "She is usually not that touchy with people she barely met" you said and hearing your reassurance- the fact that Laura seemed to like him- it warmed his heart. But he would never admit that.
"Well, I guess I'm flattered" Logan replied with the hint of a smile, his gaze soft as you lost yourself in his eyes, Lauras babbling fading into the background. For a moment, you let yourself think about what could have been. This baby, it could have been Logans and yours. She could have been born because two people truly loved each other. Did Logan love you? You doubted it. But when he looked at you like that, you allowed yourself to be fooled.
"I don't know how you manage to fuck each other just with your eyes, but get a room. There are children present" Wade suddenly said outraged, covering Mary Puppins eyes.
You picked up Laura from Logans lap, holding her against your hip to bring distance between you, Logan and Wades teasing. Logan cleared his throat, clearly disappointed.
"I am so, so thankful that you guys helped me. I don't know what you did or what was wrong with her, but she seems all better now. Is there anything I can do to show my gratitude? you asked, gently bouncing Laura in your arms.
Logan shook his head "No need, bub" he grumbled in his deep voice. He would have done this a thousand times if it meant he could hold your baby in his arms as if it was his. "Make that creamy ass mac and cheese and my life is yours. That stuff tastes and sounds better than any pussy" Wade chimes in, making you laugh. You promised to invite both of them over for dinner sometimes this week and they happily agreed. Laura squeaked out a cute "bye!" before you went back to your own apartment again.
~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~
Ever since that day, visits to either Wades or your apartment became more frequent and Laura couldn't be happier seeing Logan pretty much every day. She would stick to his leg from the minute she saw him and to the last second before he left. It was adorable and made you fall even deeper in love with someone you could never have.
Wade made it his mission to steal Laura away from you and Logan. Partly because he wanted you to spend more time alone, and to teach her some words since he was her 'uncle' after all.
Laura sat on his lap, staring down at Wades phone. He looked over her head. He had a picture open that showed you, Laura, Logan and Wade. "And who is that?" he pointed to you, earning a delighted squeal from Laura as she pointed to your smiling face on the picture as well "Mama!" she babbled. Wade cheered her on, applauding her. "That's right, and that is Dada. Dada" he pointed to Logan. Laura recognized him, smiling brightly and giggling, but she didn't say anything. "Can you say that? Dada?" Wade asked in the best baby voice he could muster. But still, Laura wouldn't say anything. "Come on, say Dada. Da-da" Wade tried one last time, but Laura unwrapped himself from his arms to go and play with some toys scrattered on the floor. He huffed in frustration. It was easier to teach kids swear words than this.
Two days later, the day for the dinner came and someone rang your doorbell. You left Laura to play on her playmat and went over to the door, opening it a slit before realising that it was Logan. You fixed your hair with flushed cheeks, you hadn't expected him to come this early, you had just started the dinner preperations. "Oh, hey Logan. What are you doing here? Dinner was planned in two hours" you said, gingerly letting him into your apartment which you hadn't had the time to tidy up yet. Logan wasn't the guy to judge, but you still felt insecure.
"I thought I'd help you with the cooking and all. Look after Laura so you can work in peace" he said, knowing that he was just here to spend more time with you and Laura alone to give him the feeling of having his own little domestic family that he will never actually experience.
You smiled at him "That's very nice of you, but Laura is actually being very umcomplicated today" speaking of which, you showed him that your kid was silently playing with her toys. Upon noticing you and Logan, she squealed and stood up slowly, trying to keep her balance, before she waddled up to him excitedly. "There's my little pumpkin" he drawled, bending down to pick her up swiftly.
"Dada!" she giggled, making you an Logan stop in your tracks. "Did you hear that?" he asked you, looking over at you with a shocked expression. You frowned. You had never taught her to say that. "Sweetheart, who is that?" You asked the little girl, tapping Logans arm, just to be sure you hadn't heard her incorrectly. "Dada" she squeaks again, playing with his coarse beard.
You both looked at each other in disbelieve and for a second, you feared Logan woulf shove Laura into your arms and leave. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know where she got that from" you tried to apologize, but the rejection from Logan never came.
He held her lovingly to his chest, giving her forhead a kiss. It made your heart pound faster. "No, it's okay" he reassured you, his large hand enveloping the back of Lauras head. "I...I could be her dad. If you want me to be" his question struck you like lightning, it was like a damn marriage proposal.
A marriage proposal you would never say no to. He looked at you with hopeful eyes, waiting for your answer and worrying he had overstepped.
"Yes. Be the father she never had. And please be the love I always wanted" you whispered, leaning up to kiss him. The kiss was soft, your lips brushing against the other and it was nothing you had ever felt before. You had kissed your ex- but never did it feel like this. So right. His free hand snaked around your waist, deepening the kiss until Laura decided to pull at your shiny necklace.
You smiled at her, taking her into your arms. "Do you want to play with daddy while I make mac and cheese?" you asked your daughter and minutes later, Logan had brought her playmat and some toys into the kitchen to sit beside her on the ground to watch and entertain her. It was like nothing had changed. Little did you know, Logan had accepted the little girl as his daughter way before today, even if you guys had never confessed.
And as you stole glances down to Logan, who was already looking at you with these half lidded bedroom eyes, you knew that after dinner, Logan and you would be trying for Lauras sibling.
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I really hoped you liked this, I feel like I've rusted a bit. Still got a lot of smut ideas and fics open that I need to finish. Wish me luck☹ if you saw any grammatical mistakes, no you didn't. Leave me alone im tired
Btw, thanks to @buck-star for motivation me to finally finish this <33
#logan howlett x reader#x men#hugh jackman#logan x reader#wolverine x reader#x reader#logan howlett#logan wolverine#marvel#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#worst wolverine#worst wolverine x reader#mcu#logan howlett fluff#fluff#oneshot
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man i cannot stop thinking about Revallen finding the bones of his father. cannot fathom why the inquisition would be in coastal Nevarra. but it would be SUCH a gut punch not only for Revallen but also Dorian (the bones of a father that gave his life for his son(isn't that what a father should be?)) and the other companions to a certain extent (you've never seen the Inquisitor this haunted)
I see Revallen recognizing a landmark and just freezing. he doesn't move a muscle for like a solid minute, just staring at [whatever]. the companions are confused and concerned, if Cole is there he starts wigging out. someone asks what's wrong and instead of answering, Revallen takes off in a new direction, leaving the companions to catch up. he's practically barreling through the vegetation, completely ignoring the cries of slow down and Amatus!
Eventually they catch up to him, because he's stopped at the base of a massive, gnarled tree. Hell, it's not even one tree, it's a tangle of several different ones, roots embedded into what looks like a collapsed, rocky hillside. Some of the roots are blackened and sick, dark tendrils reaching up the trunks of the trees twisted together like thread. It's absolutely massive, and Revallen is standing at the base of the rooted stones, staring up towards the canopy. His eyes are hollow, haunted. when they ask him again what's wrong he turns his head to look at them for just a moment. then, wordlessly, he reaches out his hand, and places it on one of the thicker taproots tangled in the stone.
for a long, tense moment, nothing happens. then the taproot starts to move. a few pebbles fall. smaller, thinner wisps of root begin to smoke, resisting Revallen's mana, and then withdraw. Slowly, haltingly, the roots release their grip on the stones, revealing not a hillside but a collapsed cave entrance. Revallen pulls down one of the stones, and the rest follow, lacking the tension to hold them in place. then he steps into the cave.
there are signs of an old fight. darkspawn weapons and armor, and their blighted bones. against one of the cave walls is a semicircle of clear ground, roots reaching towards a skeleton in the center, clad in rotting Keeper's robes.
Revallen heads straight for the skeleton. He kneels next to it, and the companions enter the cave to his whispered elvish prayers.
They hang back, uneasy. One of them tentatively asks what happened here. Revallen reaches forward and picks up the skull from where it had fallen off the neck, holding it in both hands to peer into its empty sockets.
"During the Blight," he says quietly, "Keeper Dirennen made his last stand here. Darkspawn were starting to appear from this cave, from a single connection to the Deep Roads. Dirennen baited them, and when they were focused on him, he collapsed the entrance and sealed it. He was a gifted adahl'eralan - that tree outside was his doing. He gave his life to protect his clan."
"How do you know this?"
"I watched it happen." He shifts the skull to one hand to count on his fingers. "I was... 16 at the time. The last thing he did before this stand was carve my vallaslin."
"Your vallaslin? He was your Keeper?"
"No," Revallen stands, still holding the skull as if it were made of spun glass. "He was my father."
Then he turns and exits the cave.
do they follow? I mean, they must - he's the Inquisitor. but this is so sudden, so private. Dorian, at least, follows without question. he's never seen Revallen like this, and it worries him.
outside, Revallen is digging a hole at the base of the twisted tree, clawing through the dirt with his bare hands. His father's skull is set beside him on one of the taproots, watching the proceedings with its skeletal grin.
Dorian kneels beside him and places a gentle hand on his back. Revallen starts a little, but relaxes when he sees who it is. "Are you all right, Amatus?"
"Yes," Revallen says automatically, "no. I don't know. I never expected to set foot here again." He sits back, his filthy hands in his lap, and stares at the skull for a long, heavy moment. Then he lifts it tenderly off of the root and sets it in the hole, facing the sky.
"Is there anything we should do for him?" Dorian asks quietly.
Revallen sighs, rubbing an eye with the back of his hand. "Normally, we bury our dead with oaken staff and a branch of cedar, to help them on their journey and keep away Fear and Deceit. Then we plant a tree over their grave. But I have neither staff nor cedar branch, so this will have to do."
He scoops a handful of dirt into the makeshift grave. Dorian nods and does the same, and together, the pair of them bury the skull of Revallen's father.
"Hahren na melana sahlin," Revallen murmurs, pushing his fingers into the loose dirt, holding a seed. "Emma ir abelas. Souver'inan isala hamin, vhenan him dor'felas. In din'an na revas. Vir sulahn'nehn, vir dirthera. Vir samahl la numin. Vir lath sa'vunin."
A pulse of mana flows from Revallen's fingers into the seed, which sprouts, pushing up through the loose soil and growing rapidly to the size of a ten-year-old tree.
"Now that is an impressive bit of magic, if I do say so."
Revallen stands, brushing the dirt off his knees. "I'm not as good as my father was."
"He sounds like quite the man." Dorian looks up at the twisted column of trees, towering over the silver birch Revallen just sprouted. "What was that you called him earlier? Adahl..."
"Adahl'eralan."
"What does that mean?"
Revallen considers his answer as he digs some of the dirt from beneath his fingernails. "I think it'd be 'xylomancer', mage of trees. He could make the trees walk. In places where the Veil is thin, he could even make them sing."
"That's incredible. I wish I could have met him."
Revallen looks at him, then reaches out to stroke his cheek with the back of his finger. "I think he would have liked you," he says with a gentle smile.
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#revallen lavellan#dorian x lavellan#GOOD FUCKING GOD THIS GOT LONG#me: hmmm hey here's an idea [vomits 2000 words]#i stopped there bc i had to stop fucking typing#dorian continues#'do you really? the evil tevinter magister that seduced his son?'#revallen snortlaughs. 'oh yes. he was devoted to the god of *secrets*. he'd have loved the chance to talk about magic with a necromancer.'#'and he... wouldn't care about the other thing?'#'what other- oh. no. he wouldn't have cared - he took men to bed himself from time to time.'#and dorian goes DAMN IT I WISH I HAD YOUR DAD. WHAT THE FUCK#gee revallen how come your dad is both awesome AND bisexual?#WHERE do you think rev got the awesome bisexuality from#god dammit i might as well make him a tag#dirennen tillahnen
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birthday boy 🎂
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ts4 screenshots#theo i hope you're having the most insane birthday sex rn i hope it's ******** and ***** and ***'** **** *** **** ***** :)<3#sorry i put off making your birthday edit for so long that i had to pivot and post this edit instead of the one i wanted </3#...very funny how similar this is to that LAST render i posted... well so WHAT!! if i think matthias looming is sexy!!#this is based on a photo that everyone was drawing their ocs as so really it's not MY fault he's back there clinging and being a freak#actually if y'all want this pose lmk... i'll share it but fyi it's only meant to be seen from the waist up and idk how it'd look#on a sim that doesn't have the same muscle mass and like. bulk. that matthias has......................................#just got rock hard after typing that... anyway.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY THEO <333333333 LOVE YOU SO MUCH I PROMISE I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING ON THE //ACTUAL// BIRTHDAY EDIT!! like .#posted abt this on the sideblog but the real edit i have planned for him is making me lose my fucking gourd#and it'll probably take me :))) a few more days to figure out#expect a depressing theo-as-a-teenager edit eventually tho. with writing!! accompanying it!!#matthias's face has changed again btw 😭 i redid it almost immediately after i posted that first render attempt so he looks DIFFERENT!!#i posted screenshots of him in cas just the other day on my other acc and he looks so good in them i might post them here too#oh and!! this edit looks massively different than my last because this screenshot was taken with a new preset i made specifically for#the real birthday edit i'm working on... it's a hallway scene so i figured out depth and density to get this really cool fog effect#i'm really excited for it!! in my head the way it looks makes me crazy but idk if i can pull it off properly. but like i WAS SAYING!!#new preset is sooo sexy after i post this i'll reblog with the before and after to show you how good it looks even w/o any editing#like. the colors....... literally have always wanted a preset like this i'm so glad i spent yesterday fucking around with it#ALSO!! i've been doing those oc/ship dynamic templates for fun recently so i might post a few of them here soon#realize i'm rambling so much in these tags bc i haven't been here in forever kfjnkfjhn ummmmm. let me stop.#EVERYONE WISH THEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW 🫵‼
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super disorganized sketch page because i do what i want
#my art#not sure if i wanna tag these... hrm#i wonder if alt text shows up in search results.... shudders#well anyway. i wanna ramble about these!!#for willy mafton: i've been working on designing more of the human cast. mainly all the big name important ones#it's been a slow process + a little challenging but i like getting the chance to practice drawing faces! :]#in regards to His design specifically.. it's very much based off of his movie apperance#but with a reference to that Classic sprite thrown in#bc i thought making him a little cartoony and inhuman would fit him :] but idk im not an expert on his character or anything#about the rabbit lady: i forgot how i had that idea initially but it ended up looking so fucking cool tbh#im always a fan of making her design less of a feminine eye candy type of design and more of a Spooky Murderer type >:3c#it also gave me the idea to try making some similar designs for the glams...#but if i do that im not gonna be giving them that vintage rubber mask look... since they're meant to be super flashy and high tech looking#so i was thinking they could have faces with more of a silicone texture.. and that have a style based more off of their in game art work :]#so they'd be like giant dolls with weird moving faces rather than having a vintage animatronic look#also that van in the bottom middle is 100% a homage to a specific user i wont be mentioning but iykyk HFJZJFJF#ANYWAY the 🌞🌜 stuff: dont be weird about it please HFJZJG#im aware that these tags are very easy to ignore but like. genuinely pls dont be weird about them#dont romanticize it. its not meant to be ''y/ndere'' or anything like that#its actually a bit personal to me so like... interpret it as you like but be aware its not meant to be a happy or positive thing#anyway i think thats all i have to say... i've been trying to branch out a tiny bit regarding the things i draw#it's always nice to challenge yourself even if its tough... especially if its tough!!#i mainly draw just for my own sake but i hope ppl see something they like here#these tags got so fucking long oops... i'll stop now JFKZJFKSJGKSJG
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Hey there, are you ok?
hey! thank you for checking up on me, this was really sweet!
i SWEAR i did not die. i just got a bit busy doing SladeRobin Week (which i will finish so help me god-) as well as things in my real life. i'm still trying to find the balance of like. fandom creation and working. i am very lucky to have the living situation that i do rn, but it is the sort of schedule where i do have to be ready to watch a baby at really any given point so. it's a tricky balance right now, but i'm going to be active here again! maybe not as many asks answered a day as before, but i want to try to answer like, a few a day and whatnot.
i also think i got briefly overwhelmed, in that i got more asks faster than i answered them. which is the opposite of a problem and something i'm very lucky for! but it did make it difficult for me to keep up and know what to answer next. (this is *not* a discouragement to sending asks! i love them all and pls send as many as you want! i just am a little slow sometimes so i appreciate the patience! <3)
so! i'm back and i'm good, ty for asking! we are back to the regularly scheduled programming <3
#necrotic answerings#this was really sweet anon#like not asking for content. just checking in#made me so soft#also when I initially was going to come back there was you know.#the fucking us election.#and I think it's very fucking clear by the everything about me how I feel about that#I needed a few days to just. handle feelings on all that#also also I started a new show. my partner finally convinced me to watch 911.#so i've been thinking about those lil firefighters.#which. I did make a blog for 911.#haven't posted anything yet! but I made it.#bc godDAMNIT the dead dove scene over there is scarce. fandom full of antis Jesus.#I like a challenge tho. I'm bringing the dead dove to the firefighters not even god can stop me on that one.#I have almost 100 asks to work through.#AND I WILL FINISH THE WHUMP ONES I SWEAR ON MY LIFE PLEASE.#I just had a few weeks of adjustment to both my sister and my brother in law working full time again#I love my darling nephew. but I cannot type and play with him at the same time.#taking care of babies is like. easy until it isn't idk how better to explain it#he will sleep for 4 damn hours and I will be peacefully bored#then he wakes up and wants to fight Jesus.#I don't like kidfic but I could write a good one with this experience by now tbh.
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save me the new has teacher is making us write songs abt what we're learning instead of studying for some reason and everyones just using the fucking music ai :( again :( i hate this
#EVERY HASS TEACHER IV HAD HAS GONE ON SOME TANGENT ABOUT THE INEVITABILITY OF AI REPLACING ACTUAL ART#IM SO SICK OF IT#EVERYONE IN MY YEAR USES AI AT ANY CHANCE POSSIBLE IM FUCKING TIRED STOP#AND I CANT EXACTLY TELL THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BC 1. SOCIAL ANXIETY AND 2. IM KNOWN AS THE SCHOOL FAG NOBODY LISTENS TO MEEE#AT LEAST PUT ON HEADPHONES FML THEYR BLASTING SHITTY AI MUSIC IM KILLING IM THROWING HANDS#SENDING EVERYONE INTO THE SUN I HATE EVERYONE IN MY CLASS#PLAYING THIS SHIT AS I TYPE I NEED TO LEAVE THIS SCHOOL FOREVER AND EVER BUT ITS POINTLESSSS IM KILLING#blash things#SHUT THE FUCK UP#SHUT THE FUCK UPPP WHY IS OUR TEACHER ENCOURAGING THIS SHIT I HATE EVERONE HERE
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i was so overcome with emotion today i cried my eyes out in a parking lot before hitting the highway, but not even because i feel sad…like im sure the sadness will hit me later that it’s over and 2ourdust in general is Over, but that was probably the happiest cry i’ve ever had in my fucking life about how fall out boy even remembered what somerset went through and CARED enough to make it up to us by giving us the most insane best show fucking ever last night ☹️❤️❤️❤️❤️ fall out boy forever and ever and ever and ever and ever if you even care
#when pete mentioned somerset the first time last night it made me cry :( <333#and even that acknowledgement without the crazy fucking 8balls would have been redemption enough for me#but then 🥹🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#this is doing terrible things for my parasocial tendencies but holy fuck fall out boy forever!!!!!!!!!!!#i said i would kind of stop at 4 fob tattoos BITCH NO IM ABOUT TO GET 20 MORE IDC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#what a truly special band they are i’m crying again as i type this#i’m also so relieved it all worked out bc when i bought the tickets i was like. will i make this work uhhh we’ll see……#but it worked out and the car troubles and tom’s injury didn’t hold us back BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also it was unexpectedly emotional for me that they played tkaa bc my first ever fob show had that song ☹️❤️❤️#what a special way to tie it back to my first ever show ughh i love fob
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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Finally deleted MyFitnessPal off my phone for my own personal sanity
#got some memories with that app#at first it was just sitting there bc I couldn’t stop myself from tracking the calories of some things#but after a 13 day streak shit could only get worse so I deleted it#proud of myself#that thing had me in chokehold last year did not want a repeat#tw myfitnesspal#tw mentions of eating disorder#random post#ooc post#kind of vent#???#started to wake up stressed out about what I’m gonna eat and I was like nooo not ts again#was literally restricting myself to 1200 cals a day AND IM 5’7#tw eating issues#sucks when you’re not even underweight so you don’t feel valid#waitttt I was not meant to trauma dump in this post#can we not bring being 2000s model skinny back into being trendy bc why are body types a tend in the first place#I can change fashion but definitely not my body#no bc this world is fucked up why was I scared to die alone bc I wasn’t skinny when I was literally 10#I hate that it’s normalized to praise people’s bodies#like idc if that makes me soft but a girl just living and everyone just talking about how good her body is#why is that okay bc yes it is positive but it also creates so many negatives#like does anyone get what I mean#it’s a compliment but it also makes everyone including that person afraid to be anything but ‘body goals’#idk how to explain it but like imo bodies shouldn’t serve aesthetic purposes#they actually have functions and needs and they allow us to live#tw body image issues#I hate wiead’s too but that’s just because why is everyone’s food so gourmet I literally just slap some butter onto toast lol#late night post
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it's crazy finding out you're autistic as an adult bc then you start to notice the ways it affects you and has affected you throughout life
and then it becomes a hyperfixation bc you're like "omg this makes so much sense now" and you start feeling a bit better about yourself knowing that there's an explanation to everything
#.bdo#autism#''panic attack disorder'' they have all been full-on meltdowns#which is just as much of a reason that I stopped working as my chronic pain#bc the last job i had i quit in the middle of a phone call#bc the lights and sounds on top of the problem solving on top of my ADHD were Too Much#i was also incorrectly diagnosed with both bipolar type 1 and BPD#it was the PTSD mixed with everything else like my post-partum depression and psychosis#found out that the ''bipolar'' was just me being happier when i have my pain meds#and getting everything done in those couple of weeks where i felt better (''mania'')#and of course more depressed when i'm in more pain bc i can't not notice it#and then also my period really fucks me up too and i get extremely angry for 3-7 days straight#but anyway#i noticed how i stim and how the way i think specifically in patterns and numbers#i've always had really bad texture issues w both food and fabric#i have misophonia and can also feel certain noises (ESPECIALLY mouth noises)(ESPECIALLY if it's repetitive)#it makes me feel like i need to make the noise too#and half the people in my family have vocal stims#ik they can't help it but it sends me into panic attacks & meltdowns#i can hear electricity on top of my tinnitus#i get socially overwhelmed easily bc of all the masking#i talk to myself and make my own noises when im alone#i have repetitive thoughts that will cycle for weeks sometimes months at a time#so i think the ocd is comorbid#bc ever since i was like 5 i've had this pattern that i HAVE to tap on things every now and then or it drives me insane#i get intense hyperfixations for months or years#there's just a lot i notice about myself now
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#dustox#hi! if you're coming from the cascoon post's tags‚ you already know what's up. i just woke up and i need to take my meds but i have yet to#and i have to go to work in an hour and a half. yippeeee! anyway. i think there was a shadow dustox in pkmn colosseum?#either that or i remember it super vividly bc one of the guys in pyrite town had one. which i think might (also?) be the case#i remember pretty much every pokémon those guys in pyrite town had. bc as a kid i always went back to battle them#i would always go back to check to see if they were done fighting me. and when they wanted to fight me again i would always be surprised#every time. as a kid. i thought eventually they'd stop or something i didn't even know that i was effectively just grinding#but also i was really bad at catching shadow pokémon bc i didn't know anything about type matchups. i thought the whole#not very effective and supereffective things were just totally random. so i always thought it was so funny when it said#it's not very effective… a critical hit!! because i thought that made no sense. because i didn't know what the fuck it meant#luckily‚ now i do. my brain is very filled with pokémon knowledge………#i'm gonna get off my tag-soapbox and take some meds. y'all remember to take yours‚ too‚ now
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favorite part of work today was when i told the kids to get into two lines, n this one guy was like "i don't want to" n then started talking to his buddy in mandarin, n so then in chinese i was like, "hey, come here."
n he n his buddy looked at each other n then looked at me with like that faintly displeased expression that means they've realized they can't get away with not being that good at english (or feel terribly isolated from n indifferent to the adults bc they don't speak their language) anymore
and then when i told them to line up in mandarin they groaned abt it for sure but they did drag themselves into a line
#i walked in n this one kid handed me a book to read like a big hardcover graphic novel type thing n said i could look through it#so for kicks i started reading it out loud with all the silly voices n sound effects n blocking#and so then obviously the other children started to swarm me and god. kids have so much body heat#n you can feel it bc they have no personal space qwq#n anyway so i led them all to a different corner of the room and ended up reading 15 out of the 16 chapters of the book#out loud to a big chunk of the kids for like an hour w/a 5 min break halfway through for water#and when i came back the kids were organizing the chairs themselves into a semicircle to give me enough space to perform#i was sweating more than i have in Quite A While by the end bc again. children are So Warm n also being dramatic takes energy#the same kid who handed me the book today last year handed me some pokemon cards n i ended up spending all of spring camp#drawing pokemon from cards as references for kids to color n stuff bc i didn't want to go to the computer n print out coloring pages#so! i should probably stop spoiling/“yes and--”ing kids at work w/my nonsense but it gives them smth memorable at least#but also i am so fucking tired today lol i had to leave class as soon as it was done dash home to drop off my jacket n backpack#i didn't even have time to take off my shoes before entering the house so I Did An Unforgivable Sin (walked around w/shoes on)#n then put on my work jacket n dash out the door again to go to my 5.75 hr work shift o(--(#i don't regret it!! i did tell my boss i was free for afternoon camp shifts specifically bc i wanted these shifts even tho timing'd be tigh#successfully taught a kid to tie his shoelaces today though!!!!! what's w/kids n always using the very tips of their laces to mimic you tho#when you are very clearly handling the parts of the laces right next to your foot. it did click for him tho eventually#the worm speaks
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THIS SHOW IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS
#WHY DENNIS OF ALL FUCKING CHARACTERS#real question is why did clove and i recognise him immediately#we got too overwhelmed and had to stop watching#but anyway im predicting that hez still on silvers payroll#and has been for the last 30 years#just in case silver needed a karate guy#i Dont think kreese knows this is happening#bc i dont think he knows dennis#and ill be really mad if it Is kreese behind this somehow#its Gotta be silver i just know it#dont tell me pls we're watchinf slowly#type first#mango do not fucking read this its spoilers
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I gotta give black sails it's flowers for having multiple bisexual poly relationships, mmf AND ffm at that lol
The first was such a delightful and unexpected twist that really puts a new light onto the entire thesis of the show, and then the second was literally one of my fav dynamics in the entire series, they were my favs and all got together??? Usually this only happens in indulgent fic, but not this time!!
(also something high-key funny (in a sad way) that it kinda starts as 'I'm so co-dependant I need you to hold my hand while I hook up with someone else that I was dubiously cheating on u with 🥺' and then they became a power throuple)
#i liked that there were multiple sapphic relationships but low-key wish there was more than one mlm relationship...#specifically just bc by the nature of the show it has a lot of sort of meditations on masculinity that i think would have been served by#having an active achillean relationship in the current narrative and also it's pirates come on#i guess it's fine that Jack was only REALLY in love w one woman and kind of had this complex relationship w another woman in the mix#I've said before i really like this shows take on him and Anne bonney I'm a pirate fan from way back#and Anne Bonney is an early obsession while i didn't ever give a fuck about calico Jack before specifically this version of him#but i get a strong genderqueer 4 genderqueer vibe from both of them and truly think they're bi4bi#bc you can't tell me that Jack wasn't in love w Charles Vane (and imo Charles knew and cared for him in a way but was tragically straight)#anyway this is for no one i gotta stop bc i don't even want to get started rambling and trying to organize my myriad thoughts about them lol#my original point was that i think it would have been interesting to explore more queerness in the show but what we got was compelling#and sometimes i think they had to reel in certain types of fan and making their cool manly lead bi was honestly brave#but then they have to send Charles on some toxic masculinity side quest every season to lean into the power fantasy of ruthless piracy#which i think they also had some interesting points about him unlearning some things but ugh i digress I'll start rambling bye#text posts
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I dont think yall know just how fucking much i have to reserve myself when i text them
#like I know nothing super extraordinary is happening atm but like... im a touch/attention starved bitch who doesnt know how to process shit#like they finally started typing a response this morning to my tattoo question last night#and when I tell you my neck fucking snapped in the direction of my phone as soon as I heard the snap notif sound......#im not even fucking exaggerating. I literally had to force myself to wait a few to open it bc if not i wouldve opened it the second it sent#at one point my phone was in the kitchen & I was in the bathroom. I heard the notif sound & the response was immediate & pavlovian#I dropped what I was doinf & made a beeline for the kitchen. again made myself wait a few minutes to open it#the urge to geek out & keyboard smash & send a ton of emojis when i text them back is overwhelming#I feel like a fucking teen with a stupid first crush. kill me please#on one hand im like stop being so fucking cringe on the other im like. I wasted my teens/early 20s not letting myself catch feelings#im in my 'fuck it im going to enjoy my life & have fun & not take shit so serious & not hide my true self' era#I spent the last 3 years basically self-isolating self-loathing & in a massive depressive episode#thinking abt driving my car into a median almost daily & telling mself I'll never allow myself to feel or get too close to anyone again#granted I still have a lot of personal/emotional issues I need to work on but im so fucking proud of myself for making it out alive#I told myself at the start of the year that I was going to live in the moment & enjoy what life brings me. Well. It brought me this#and dammit im going to eat this shit up with gusto & a grateful heart because im ALIVE & im happy/having fun!!!#and when eventually this chapter ends im not gonna let myself spiral & hate myself like last time#Instead im going to be happy & thankful that I was able to live & feel & love & enjoy the experience#im fucking worth it damn it#that's all. im a fucking cringefailloser sap & although I lowkey wish I was more normal about it at the same time i dont#emma rambles#personal
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Tech product guides trying to troubleshoot your issues: lol have you tried turning it off and turning it on again 🧐 I'm not going to read any of the things you said you did, if it doesn't work then get fucked. Go to settings and click this option that you said isn't even there anymore
Reddit: here's some actual helpful suggestions on where to find settings that can fix your problem. We're more reliable than google search. Except for when we just tell you to buy new hardware instead of trying to fix your problem
Some obscure tech blog article from 7 years ago: i *google ad* gotchu *google ad* *google ad* *troubleshooter you never knew existed* *google ad* *solution to your problem*
#tell me why i just spent the last four hours troubleshooting issues caused by NOT PLUGGING IN ESSENTIAL CABLES#in my defense i havent worked on the internals of a pc in seven years#but goddamn it was infuriating that the solution to my problems was to plug in a cable three times in a row#it's almost like i didnt have unnecessary cables in there and was keeping the extra one for a reason#but of course the fucking product site wont tell you this#i had to figure out i was missing the goddamn power cable from a youtube video on the bluetooth card installation#and before that i had to plug in a cable that my brother (the person who GAVE ME THIS MOTHERBOARD) said was unnecessary#like HOW did your computer function. mister sir this thing froze on startup without the cpu power supplement cable#extra support my ass#i would love it if msi motherboard installation guides mentioned the bluetooth cable too but noooo#may god help you if you ever have a bluetooth issue because ive had them plenty of times and they are fucking impossible to fix#this is why i quit robotics LMAO#anyways. rant over my pc is built now and the new setup is sooo pretty.#my brother did one thing right with this motherboard and that was installing ram with rgb leds 🥰#rainbow hardware my beloved#my old motherboard had these gorgeous leds and then they just stopped working :c i want more#at least this giant desktop is off my floor now. a tour group apparently was here while i wasn't on monday#(super pissed about that btw. if it happens again i will be tearing the office a new one bc we weren't even notified)#like i kicked that thing plenty just trying to walk around my room. it was right by the door. god wont save you if you break my shit#if someone else kicked that thing while in my apartment when i wasn't here. hoo boy#ok that's enough it's 6am and i finished my cocoa espresso three hours ago. i have two athletic classes today i need to sleep#imaginechats#<- new tag!! i might start rambling more#bc i love never shutting the fuck up 😄#it is a play on imaginecat btw if anyone was wondering. i go by that occasionally as a play on imaginealpha#less formal more cute nickname type thing
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