#i stopped in the middle of what i aas doing at work to create this poll

[fuck-sewingmachines]

Note: I'm not including the songs that she's released in the last 5 years since she's only been able to go on tour with them once

[cowsandcrows]

dsmp theatee production braainrot

no but like. c!dream actually just wandering through the crowd, monologueing- better, SINGING THE LMANBERG ANTHEM AFTER DOOMSDAY

i am so happy for this

and just all the characters with different amount of armour

wilbur with none obviously but most of dreams costume would be his armour, aside from the mask, and techno would have a lot but it would be embellished and detailed and golden to fit his aesthetic

philza would have just enough to give him some protection but not too much because he doesnt care enough and hes not regularly on the offensive or fighting short-range

so hed have again, armour that fits his aesthetic but mainly like plates on his boots and arms, and maybe a vest that like just covers his chest a bit

OH MY GOSH WAIT. PHILZAS COSTUME DESIGN. WITH HIS WINGS. WOULD BE SO COOL. OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHH AA

I would kill people to create that costume

ANYWAY characters like tommy or jack would have a lot less armour, just basic stuff

and then when its an actual war like doomsday people will wear change their amount of armour, and it will be so noticeable how much they cover up in that situation

ranboo puts on a full set

techno keeps it easy to maneuvere

tommy doesnt have much, and what he does have would be visibly scuffed and not entirely durable

tubbo has an okay set only because hes the president

dream takes off some of his armour as a power move, unnoticed in the midst of it all

also i just want to. discuss ghostbur. because ohhh my gosh thats such a good focus.

id probably have part 2 focus a lot on techno, though i wouldnt want there to be a clear main character in any of it- like wilburs story would be the focus in part 1, but he dies and that would throw off the audiences understandinf of who the protagonists are supposed to be! MORALLY GREY CHARACTERS HOORAY! CONFUSE THE AUDIENCE AND ANYONE WHO EXPEXTS STORIES TO HAVE A CLEAR GOOD VS BAD DYNAMIC!!!!!

focusing on techno in the second part of the play would be amazing because his interactions with the audience are so unique to other ccs

he talks constantly during lore, breaking 4th wall liberally, hes way less performative in the way he does it too, whereas wilbur and dream would do it with the idea of performance

and like that other person said, techno could actually spend his retirement arc IN THE AUDIENCE AREA

all od this is makinf me think the stage should have a thrust section that is level eith the audience, and maybe even multiple clearings throughout where characters can move to when needed, like with dreams wandering, and where characters that gradually move on-stage will start out? not like for the audience to see, but if youre near them you do see it. different perspectives and stuff

and Tommy might actuallt pick on members of the audience for comic relief, joking around and shit, which would contrast so heavily to exile where he would just sit on the edge of rhe stage and talk to them quietly

and ranboo could be constantly ramblinf to the audience withour a clewr understanding of what they are, and then one person in the audience could actually reply to him, and he could kind of jist stop and go 'wait what, thats not supposed to happen' almost like they did in wandavision if anyone knows what im on about. like that whole interview section? that

AUGHHHH MY BRAIN IS DECAYING schlatt should die in one of those sections in the middle of the audience. im just sayinf. he should.

becayse there are so many different povs to the dsmp i think it would be cool if the stage was set so that different sides of the audience would have a completely different idea of the story

like characters that can be seen wandering around in the background might only be see by the left audience, or the right side might get a different impression of the lighting

or the spotlights could be angled on some characters so that one side of them is obscured by shadow and another side is brightly lit (could work so well with Wilbur or schlatt to communicate how different people hate or idolise them)

please send help

[indignantlemur]

Alright, it appears I've been summoned! I've actually answered something kinda like this before, so I'm gonna rehash it a little. Some context for the folks who don't know me: I write about Andorians. A lot. I take the fragmented, sloppy lore and do my best to make it make sense from a narrative and scientific perspective, while creating the largely absent culture from scratch and inventing everything from food to traditions, religion, fashion, body language, biology, political and social structures, wildlife, etc.

Since this question is for generic information, I'll be keeping my writing specific info/headcanons out of it.

With the bare bones of what's available in canon, and even the dubious canon, we know that Andorii largely consists of extended vowels and a mix of hard and soft consonants. Double vowels - aa, ii, ee, oo - are quite comment, which I've generally interpreted as an elongated vowel sound in each case, rather than a double vowel with a glottal stop in the middle, which would be indicated with a break in the form of an apostrophe, as with Va'Al Trask's name (SNW: Under the Cloak of War). Soft consonants are often paired with soft or hard consonants in the same word, often framing the vowel sounds, but I don't think I've seen as many cases of hard vowels being paired together. Then again, we hardly have a complete lexicon to be working with.

I've also noted that, rather like Norwegian, there seems to be an emphasis on the first and third syllables more often than not, but that's not set in stone and may just be down to my own biases. The Andorian opera featured in Discovery, for example, while not actually meant to have proper words or a translation (which is just so lazy), follows these rules for the most part, but it's not a perfect match by any means.

The closest I've been able to find to an actual conlang is from a defunct site which records an a priori conlang constructed by Spence Hill back in the 1990s. He did amazing work, and I really can't recommend reviewing it enough.

Here's the Grammatical sketch of the Andorian language by Spence Hill and the dictionary he created.

The dictionary is not as extensive and comprehensive as I would like, personally, but it gives a solid foundation for creating compound words as needed and the overview of grammar is quite comprehensive. He also created his own version of a written script, thought it does not particularly resemble canon Andorii as seen in ENT, or depictions of Graalen found in some of the RPG sourcebooks. Graalen seems to involve simpler, distinct symbols rather than an interconnected flow ending in a flourish that Andorii features. I've always wondered if Graalen is a more primitive form of writing, or a kind of short-hand - but, of course, we'll never know at this rate.

Hopefully, this is helpful!

Hi Star Trek fans and nerds! Do we know what the Andorian language sounds like? Do you have a headcanon for it? I would love to know all of your opinions and ideas!

[hisunshiine]

To All The Men I’ve Fucked Before ; (M) jjk

↣ When your secret 'sex' journal entries are somehow texted to the people they were written about, including a couple of coworkers and your best friend, you find your quiet work existence turned upside down. based off of TATBILB.

moodboards | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist | TATMIFB masterlist 

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Jeon Jungkook x Reader starring in a fake dating au, photographer!JK, stylist!Reader

⟢ pairing: photographer!jungkook x stylist!reader

⟢ word count: 30.7k

⟢ genre + warnings: nsfw 18+, fake relationship, smluff © & angst, kissing, fluffy fake relationship cuteness, jealousy, jungkook needs help with feelings, clothed humping, explicit sexual content in the form of unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, body worship, cunnilingus, fingering, handjob, hickies, blowjob, creampie, begging, strip tease if you squint, baby petname, crying, feelings of heartbreak, oh did i mention angst? namkook fist fight, minimal arguing, minimal blood, other idols make brief appearances, OT7 is present 

⟢ summary: When your secret 'sex' journal entries are somehow texted to the people they were written about, including a couple of coworkers and your best friend, you find your quiet work existence turned upside down. based off of the netflix film and novel by jenny han, but different.

⟢ an: hello, hello! this is probably my favorite story to date that i’ve written and the longest one shot! I am so grateful to everyone who helped me by reading this (most are not on tumblr), but especially my baby hana, @taestulip​, who always reads and hypes me up. the movie/book series it’s based off of is honestly one of my faves, and turning it into an adult version was a lot of fun! I know i took out some characters and changed a lot of the plot devices, but for good reason, as it is it’s own novel, I did not want to encroach on that territory. fake dating au’s are some of my absolute faves and so i hope you enjoy this! sorry for the length, sksksks.

⟢ prologues: NJ & Reader | Love Triangle (coming soon) |

The large glass building was located on the corner of the block, in the heart of the city. A sight to see from all corners of the downtown area, you loved that you worked at BigHit Music. Of course, housing the globally recognized idol duo, SeoulM8, made working there fun. You walked into the building, and swiped your badge as you made your way through the secured entrance and up the elevator to your office. 

The gold plaque on your door highlighted your name and position. To this day you’re still in awe to see your name engraved in sans serif with the words “Lead Wardrobe Stylist” written beneath it. You entered the office, flipping on the lights and smiling at the large board along the back wall. It was covered with the designs you would need for the upcoming shoot for SeoulM8’s fan content, first single off their newest album, and plans for the concert wardrobe as well. 

Placing your empty insulated coffee tumbler on your desk, you set down all of your belongings, organizing your design tablet, notebook, and favorite writing utensils before once again taking the tumbler in hand. A cup of coffee would be perfect to start your busy Monday before your meeting with Jimin and Taehyung about their wardrobe later today. 

Walking into the employee lounge area, you set about making your coffee. Others walked in and out, dropping off packed lunches and grabbing coffee as well, so you can’t help but hear the gossip as two of the women who work with SeoulM8 discuss the latest office drama.

“I can’t believe it. She broke up with him!” Becca said, her colorful pixie cut swaying slightly as she shook her head.

“She’s crazy, Jungkook is gorgeous; have you seen his thighs?” Theresa responded, twirling her dark purple curls in wonder.

You stirred in the caramel creamer slowly, listening to their conversation. Jeon Jungkook and Jeon Somin (no relation) had been dating for almost as long as you could remember. It was surprising to hear that they were broken up. 

“Somin is really pretty too, though, she could have any guy… What if that’s what it was?”

“You think someone better than Jungkook came along and wooed her?”

“I mean… I swore I heard a rumor that she went out on a date with one of the actors, but who knows. All we know for sure is that Jungkook is single.” 

Finishing your coffee, you closed the lid to your favorite cup and left the room, smiling politely to Becca and Theresa who provided you with the information that had your head reeling. The entire walk back to your office, and even once you were seated at the desk, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jungkook and Somin.

Somin was one of the first friends you made at BigHit School for Music and Artists when you transferred in after completing your AA requirements at another university. BHSMA operated differently than traditional universities, converting students to employees at the company associated with the school. It was where you met Jungkook, Jimin, and a few other people that you worked closely with at the company. After that first year though, you grew apart from some of the people you spent that entire first year with, making new friends, like the one walking in through your office door.

So lost in thoughts of the past, you almost knocked over your perfectly made coffee onto your design tablet, where you had been sketching aimlessly. A dimpled smile was the cause of your quickly beating heart, complimenting the face of Namjoon, who startled you when he called your name loudly.

“Joon, I swear, one day, you will be the death of me, and my electronics.”

“Listen, you dropped your phone all on your own, no one told you to be scared when I walked into the room.”

“Stop being so fucking loud when you enter, you startle people!”

He just laughed, his pretty eyes disappearing as he expelled joy. Namjoon was glowing, his tanned skin looking healthy and youthful. You couldn’t help but smile at him as he pushed his falling platinum hair out of his dark eyes and set his gaze on you.

“I think I’m gonna do it today, Y/N.”

You froze, smile still on display, but a little less enthusiastic than when he had first walked in.

“Do it?” You asked, wary as you saw his hand drift to his inside coat pocket.

“I love her, Y/N. I think I’m gonna ask her to be mine, always.” Namjoon removed a small velvet box from his pocket and you reached for it, hand trembling slightly. Namjoon, in his excitement, was oblivious to the way you shook, as well as the sound of your heart splintering. “Do you think Jennie will like it?”

Looking at the ring tucked into the box, you nodded, not trusting your voice. Of course Jennie would. It was beautiful. A rose gold band with an opulent Moonstone set in the middle, and two smaller diamonds set on either side. You knew that the moonstone was Joon’s favorite, he talked about how much he loved the moon countless late nights that you would sit with him in his studio.

“It’s gorgeous, Namjoon.” You said quietly. This time, he noticed the tremble of your voice, and stood worriedly from where he was perched on the corner of your desk.

“Whoa, what’s wrong?” He asked you, concerned by your demeanor.

“Nothing, I’m just so happy for you.” You lied, tilting your head back to blink away the forming tears. Believing you, he enveloped you into a hug and you hugged him back tightly, afraid to let go.

“Ah, you have a meeting soon and I’m here making you cry… I’ll see you after and tell you how it went! Good luck, Y/N!”

Namjoon exited your office, footsteps light as he headed towards his future… and away from you. Sinking into your chair, you take several steadying breaths in order to settle your heart. Why did it hurt so much? You had given up on the idea of you and Namjoon a long time ago. This wasn’t what you expected to have to deal with when you arrived to work, but you were a professional. Wiping your smudged eyeliner to clean up your makeup, you looked down at your design tablet, where you see the sketch of a professional camera held by a large hand up to a large doe eye half finished on your screen. 

Hitting the “new” button, you begin to draw anew on a clean canvas creating the concept for the concert design for your meeting with SeoulM8 later on.

—

Sitting at home, you massaged the soles of your feet as you rested on your couch with your younger sister, Yuna, who was doing her homework at the coffee table. It had been a long day, but Jimin and Taehyung loved your idea for their concert concept: young guys traveling Seoul for group songs, and angelic, soft individual images of them with feathered outfits to match their solo songs. 

“Yuna… Namjoon is getting engaged today.”

Your sister stopped working, turning to look at you with eyes wide. She had been diligently studying for the cosmetology courses she was taking at your alma mater in hopes of getting hired at the same company as you. This news threw her off track.

“What? He—wait, what?”

You nodded, letting out a deep sigh as you turned towards the floor to ceiling windows in the living room. Rain was steadily falling, the perfect backdrop to your mood.

“Both of our dreams are shattered. He showed me the ring and said he was proposing today. To Jennie.”

Yuna flung herself onto the couch dramatically. 

“Can we please drink to drown our sorrows? This homework can wait.” 

You nodded, turning on Netflix before getting up to grab the wine and glasses. While you stood on tiptoe at the edge of the counter, reaching up into the tall cabinet for the long stemmed glasses, the doorbell to your apartment rang.

“I’ll get it!” Yuna yelled, and so you clambered onto the counter, knees digging into the marble as you finally managed to reach your goal. 

“Oh! Namjoon?”

You almost slipped from where you were perched, confused as to why your newly engaged best friend would be loudly squelching his tennis shoes into your apartment and not ravishing his fiancee. You expected a text or call about the engagement, not a personally delivered update. 

You wouldn’t be able to pretend this time. 

Turning to look at the entryway, you see a downtrodden and sopping wet Namjoon, eyes rimmed red from crying.

“Joonie?” Your voice was soft, questioning. He maneuvered across the kitchen with just three big steps and pulled you into his arms. His body slotted between your thighs where you sat on the counter after almost falling, and he let loose a sob that broke your heart even more than earlier.

“Joon, what happened?” You asked, scared.

“J-Jennie… she said no.” Your eyes widened in shock, but you waited patiently for him to continue. “She’s moving to Japan, she took that expansion position… She broke up with me.”

—

It was a long night to say the least. 2 wine glasses turned into 3 once Namjoon had shown up. You grabbed some of his spare clothes for him to change into, threw his stuff in the washer, and joined Yuna and him back in the living room where they had both curled up and began watching The Start Up on Netflix. 

Climbing onto the couch, you wrapped your arm around him and placed your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead before settling in to watch TV, and you couldn’t help the way your heart reacted to it. He had always been affectionate with you during your time as best friends, though it had lessened some the more serious he and Jennie became. The difference now was that this time, he was single. A part of you hoped it could mean more in the future. 

By episode 2, Namjoon was asleep on Yuna’s shoulder; no surprise considering how tired he must have been. He had cried on his way to your apartment, and the last of his tears onto your shirt when he arrived. Luckily, you hadn’t yet changed out of your own work clothes, so when you grabbed his garments, you took the opportunity to change into a spaghetti strap tank and sweatpants for couch cuddling. You turned off the TV as you untangled yourself from him, stretching as he roused slightly from your movements. 

“Don’t you two just look like the sweetest couple,” you say yawning, gently teasing your sister who was beet red from your words. Her crush on Namjoon was nothing new, but not something she wanted him to know about. She already knew she was too young for him; seen as nothing more than his best friend’s little sister. A part of Yuna was jealous that you had better chances with him than she did.

“Shut it!” Her whisper is harsh, but Namjoon slept on, unaware of the sisterly teasing. “I already know you’re gonna write all about this in your sex book!” 

You rolled your eyes, having forgotten about your old journal that you kept. You just shrugged, leaning down to gently wake Namjoon so you can put him to bed.

“Come on sleepy… Let’s get up and go to bed okay?” 

His large frame shuffled across the living room and down the hallway to your room. You heard him plop heavily on your bed, probably already asleep without having pulled back the covers. You put the empty wine glasses into the sink and straightened up the living room a tiny bit before you went to your room as well. 

Not yet ready for bed, you sat at your desk with the small lamp on, staring at the old journal your sister reminded you about. The image on the front is faded; you can barely make out what it used to be as you’ve covered it with doodles and stickers that are peeling at the edges. Opening it, you turned through the pages, taking in the lengthy entries about the boys you’ve slept with, starting with the one you lost your virginity to. 

Your finger grazed across the fancy calligraphy where you wrote his name at the top in a purple gel pen in. Jeon Jungkook. You laughed at the way you wrote about him, first describing him as a person before giving the intimate details of the experience, and finally ending it with a brief message of what you had wanted to say to him. Your eyes scanned the page, certain sentences catching your attention as you read it. 

“...and the way he held my neck when he first entered me, I think I’m in love.”

“He said it was his first time too. Does this mean something?”

“Jungkook, having you as my first… I want you to be my last. You looked at me as if the galaxies were reflected in my eyes. I want to feel the way you make me feel all the time. I hope that this does change things between us, but in a good way.”

You cringe a little, remembering how it didn’t turn out that way. Instead, after that night 5 years ago, you didn’t talk to Jungkook for a couple of days due to exam week. You texted him after your last test and he told you to come over; he wanted to talk to you about something too. But when you went to his dorm to see him and confess, you found him with Somin, your best friend at the time. They weren’t doing anything outrageous, just sitting on his twin bed in his dorm room talking, but you heard what she was saying through the door that was cracked.

Somin was confessing. You had no idea that she liked him too. It made your heart tight knowing that he had slept with you a week prior, and now your best friend was confessing to him. To be fair, neither of you had told the other about your feelings towards him. So instead of walking in and telling him how you felt, you left. He had texted you later asking what happened to you coming over but you lied, saying you had gotten busy. 

On the last day of the semester, Somin shared that she was dating Jungkook. Shocked and heartbroken, you wasted no time packing up your dorm for the summer and traveling home. Phone calls, texts, and plans to meetup became less frequent between your group of friends over the following semester until they eventually stopped. Did you stop talking to Jungkook and Somin… or was it them that stopped talking to you? 

Turning the pages, you move on from the thoughts of the photographer and stop at the next blank page. Grabbing a blue gel pen from the cup on your desk, you write with flair. 

Kim Namjoon.

How do I even begin to express how I feel about you? God, you make my heart flutter. I met you at a time when I needed someone. You were the bane of my existence at first, blasting your loud music from the apartment under mine. Going to yell at you turned out to be the best thing. You turned out to be the best thing. Of course, you had just started going out on dates with Jennie and you would be graduating a year ahead of me, but I knew that we would stay best friends. I mean, most BHSMA students intern at and get hired by the company. So for the longest time, I hid my feelings from you. That one night, before you and Jennie were exclusive… when we had sex, I thought my heart would burst. I never wanted a man so badly before that night. You are the moon in my sky, Kim Namjoon. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? What other being could wrap me in love from beginning to end? Tonight you have just lost your moon. I am a terrible person because a part of me is happy to not be losing her moon. So now, I will climb into bed next to your sleeping body and hold you close as we sleep, and pray when the morning comes, in the light of the day, you will open your eyes and see me—the faint moon in the sky that has always been there for you. Maybe you will finally see me—and decide you want me too.

Setting the pen down, you reach for your phone. In your slightly drunken state, you decided to take pictures of each entry, in order to move these to a more secure environment and take your journal digital. You snapped a picture of each page (not that there were many) before you checked your phone for messages and plugged it in. You left your room to shut down all the lights now that Yuna was finished putting away her stuff and making her way to bed as well. 

“Hey, can I grab an extra notebook from your stash? I need to finish taking these notes on mixing hair colors.”

“Sure, it’s under the desk in the blue bin.”

She nodded and you continued past her, double checking the door to make sure it was locked before moving to throw Namjoon’s clothes into the dryer. Once satisfied that the house was in order, you went to your room. Yuna was standing over your desk, eyes reading your latest entry into the journal.

“Yuna! Get out!”

“This is beautiful though, he should see it. You need to tell him how you feel!” 

You shook your head.

“No. He just got his heart broken. It’s not the time to tell him.”

“You’re stubborn,” she whispered back at you, “you’re gonna lose him again!”

“Then that’s how it was destined to be. But I am not taking advantage of his vulnerable state.”

“You’re gonna be single forever. Spending every night with your baby sister, drinking wine because all the men you have ever loved have moved on!”

“Go to bed, Yuna!”

She shrugged as she walked out of the room, knowing that she was right. Deep down, a part of you felt like she was right too. 

Climbing into bed, you struggled to lift the covers over Namjoon’s slumbering frame before it pulled free and you could cover the two of you. As you settled into the bed next to him, he instinctively wrapped his arm around you, pulling you to his chest in his sleep. 

You knew that his dreams were imagining Jennie in his arms instead. 

—

That next morning, you checked Namjoon’s phone for his calendar. Having known him for several years, you know his passcode and that he keeps his work schedule exclusively on his cell. Typing in the code, 0613, you saw that his calendar stated that he didn’t need to go to the office until around noon. 

Lucky, you thought, eyeing the time on the phone. It was a little past 6:45am, and you had to wake your sister for her hands-on class before you got ready for the day. 

“Yuna! It’s almost 7,” you say as you knocked on her door and heard a muffled response. You headed back to your room and chose your outfit, knowing that the day would be busy and long with the concept photoshoot for SeoulM8 starting today. Choosing your outfit wisely, you climbed into the shower a few minutes later and spent at least a half hour just trying to cure the small hangover from the wine. 

Once dressed, you found Yuna packing her bag for class. It was getting close to 8, which is the latest that you could leave to be at work on time, so you wrote a quick note to Namjoon and ran back to leave it on the bed. His hand snaked out of the covers just as you were pulling your hand back, a gentle grip to your wrist holding you there.

“Y/N, thank you for last night.” His voice is like a bullfrog’s croak, and you chuckled. 

“Let me get you some water and some pain meds, okay? And of course Joonie, I’m here for you.” You leaned onto the bed with one knee, smoothing his hair back from his face once he’s released your wrist. “Always.”

Pressing your lips to his warm forehead, he pulled you down onto the bed with a hug and you can’t help but laugh.

“I’ve got to go! I’ll see you later, okay?” He nodded before he grips your neck, bringing his lips to your forehead this time. His lips linger longer than usual, and you shut your eyes at the tenderness of his kiss. 

“Go back to sleep, now.” You pulled away from him, going to grab the medicine and water before you and Yuna leave the apartment. 

—

You made it to work with extra time to make your coffee, so after you dropped off all of your extra stuff, you grabbed your tumbler and work tablet with all of your drawn designs for today’s shoot and made your way through the busy halls to the employee lounge. Today, the door was propped open for ease as it was a busier day in the building. 

You stood at the counter, stirring in the caramel creamer that you loved, when you felt a presence enter the room behind you.

“Y/N.”

Turning lazily, you cocked your eyebrow at Jungkook, who was standing awkwardly behind you. He had kicked the doorstop, allowing the door to close so that the two of you stood alone in the small staff kitchen. His hands were tucked into his joggers, while a white button down hung loosely from his frame. 

“Whats up JK?” You asked, expecting him to address something about the shoot. You hadn’t yet seen the men you were to dress, so you couldn’t fathom he was here to complain already about the costuming. “If it’s about the wardrobe, I haven’t even seen Tae or Jimin yet, so—”

“Actually, no. Um,” he rubbed the back of his neck before making eye contact with you, “I know that when we had sex that one time, it was great—”

Instantly, alarm bells went off in your head. What the actual fuck was Jungkook doing talking about the night you lost your virginity to each other?

“—but I just... don’t feel the same way that you do about me. You know? That was years ago, and yeah while it was just as good for me as it was for you, I’m not in love with you or anything, I just broke up with Somin too, so—”

“Jungkook! Wait—what are you talking about?”

“The text you sent me.”

“Jungkook, I haven’t texted you in weeks.” You looked down at the phone you had pulled out of the back pocket of your ripped black jeans, and opened up the messages. You noticed his text thread was now at the top. “Wait, what?”

Opening his specific thread you see the screenshot of the page from your journal that you took last night, sent to him. How the fuck did this happen? In your drunken state, did you send it to him? You begin to ramble as you throw the spoon in the sink with a loud clunk and begin screwing the lid on the coffee.

“Jungkook, stop. That was from a long time ago, it’s not recent at all, oh my god. I am so sorry you had to read that—you know what, I’m just gonna head to the set now. Okay, bye!” You breezed past him, feet carrying you out of the employee lounge with a swiftness. Once back in your office you stared at the horrid message, outraged at yourself for your drunken antics.

Drunk you must really hate sober you.

—

Work was just as hectic as you thought it was going to be. After the most embarrassing morning, you were summoned right away to a last minute meeting with Jimin and Tae, where you made minor changes to their wardrobe. 

“Y/N, you were always good at this in school, but damn. You are amazing now.” Jimin stared at you reflected in the mirror after you had turned his outfit into something fit for the concept with a few movements of the material that wrapped his body. Park Jimin, one of the few people you were still somewhat close with from that first year of school, was now a big shot idol, and one-half of SeoulM8. Kim Taehyung, his best friend, was the other part of the duo. He had met him after everyone split off after that first year. Going by the stage names Jimin and V, the two had met in their vocal lesson classes when Taehyung had switched his major, and BigHit saw potential in them. 

You walked with Jimin towards the set of the photo shoot, one of the bigger production rooms today due to the use of the second level. They would be posing next to a hole in the floor, feathers falling around them. Taehyung was already antsy to get started, and was playing around with Somin, who was one of the group’s managers, while he waited for Jimin to arrive back to the set. Now, it looked like the only person missing was the photographer. 

Walking to the fold out table set up at the back wall, you heard your phone chime. Opening to your messages, you saw a text from someone you hadn’t talked to in a while. 

“Seo Joon?” You question quietly to yourself, but before you could even read the message, you saw a similarly embarrassing photo above his reply.

“Oh God, oh God...” You clicked out of his message thread, ignoring the reply because you honestly didn’t care. What you actually cared about was if you had somehow sent the most recent entry of your journal to the last person on Earth who was ready to read it. Namjoon.

“Fuck. Oh no. Oh no.” Sitting there, you saw the message clear as day with the small read receipt that it indeed had been read by him. The door to the set opened and Jungkook came waltzing through with his assistant. Before the door had a chance to swing closed all the way, you saw Namjoon’s form enter the room. 

“Alright, let’s get started!” Jungkook’s voice was loud and called everyone’s attention except for Namjoon. His eyes were on you. He beelined your way, and you readied yourself to apologize to him, but before either of you could say anything, Jungkook interrupted.

“Hey Joon, good to see you hyung! I’m so sorry though, we got a closed set and need to get started… tight time schedule and all.”

“I just need to talk to Y/N.”

Jungkook took in Namjoon’s demeanor; eyes red, hair disheveled, voice wobbly. It was so unlike Namjoon to look this way that Jungkook looked at you before speaking. Your expression was confusing to Jungkook, as he knew Namjoon was your best friend. Your eyes were wide in fear with tears forming… when you didn’t say a word, Jungkook took charge. A part of him saw that fear in your eyes and wanted to protect you.

“Look Joon-hyung, normally I wouldn’t mind, but we need Y/N on set the entire time today. Wardrobe is important for concept photos, you can understand right? Maybe at break time or something?”

Namjoon nodded as Jungkook’s arm wrapped around your waist and he led you away from the table and back towards where the staging was set. When you finally chanced a look back, you saw the assistants leading Namjoon and a few other non-essential workers out of the room. Everyone else on set had watched the exchange between the three of you, including Somin. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the way Jungkook’s fingers curled around your frame.

At break time, you hid out, avoiding Namjoon who had, reluctantly, waited several hours until break was called. He would have to go into the studio soon, which you knew since you saw his calendar, and after the short 30 minute break, Jungkook retrieved you from the small side room you were hiding in when they resumed the next set of shots using black leather and wings. 

The shoot kept your thoughts off of the incident, as you so aptly decided to call it in your head, until it was time to leave. You walked out with a large group, stealthily making it to your office. You sat on the floor with your back to the door, reviewing how many received these drunken messages of yours, happy to see that only 3 actually went through, since most of them were no longer in your phone anymore or had changed their numbers. 

Park Seo Joon, an ex from your second year at BHSMA, had moved to Japan for work, and while he did respond, he figured it was a mistake and as the smart person he was, he noticed the date in the corner and was aware that it was old. You breathed a sigh of relief, glad to have avoided that potentially awkward scenario.

Hearing your phone ping, you checked the message and saw it was Jungkook. A series of messages came in from him, and you read them in succession.

Shaking your head, you stand, grabbing the white outfits from the rack an assistant had brought in earlier after the set change. Throwing them over your arm, you head off to the set in a rush, shooting back a quick text to let him know you were coming.

Most everyone from earlier was back on set, expressions showcasing various stages of irritation. You handed the clothing to an unusually quiet Somin, and lifted your now free arm to wave at the artists. Somin walked away, throwing quiet looks over at you and Jungkook, who you were standing near now that you had approached the table. Jungkook was leaning on that same table, arms crossed as he reviewed the printout of what was needed.

“You know they sent us an updated list 2 hours after we started shooting? While we were all here, they thought that we could somehow read their minds. Then when I uploaded and sent the file over to have them double check, they responded that we had to finish it tonight.”

“It’s annoying for sure, JK, but you know Jimin and Tae will deliver. Once they’re dressed I bet we’ll be done in like 15 minutes, max.”

He nodded, smiling at your optimism.

“Hey, are you gonna tell me what earlier was about? With Namjoon hyung?”

You froze, not expecting the question, but you were saved from having to answer right then, since Namjoon walked in at that moment. It was too late for you to go anywhere; you were standing too close to the door, trapped between the table and Namjoon, who looked hurt. Jungkook read the situation and took several steps away to give you some privacy with Namjoon. 

“You’ve been avoiding me all day. After that message—did you think that I wouldn’t read it? I just broke up with Jennie, Y/N, it’s… I’m not… You can’t just say this shit to me right now.”

“Namjoon—I didn’t mean to, I was drunk and I promise you it’s not what you think, I don’t feel that way, okay?” You try and take it all back, wishing more than anything that he hadn’t read what you had written the previous night. 

“You don’t feel that way? Are you kidding me? I read it!”

“No, I don’t feel that way, okay? I’m with someone else.” You lied. You hoped that he would buy it.

“Y/N, I’m your best friend. Don’t you think I would know?”

“Yeah, you're my best friend, but you and Jennie are always together, it’s been forever since we actually caught up, so yes, it’s recent okay?”

“Who are you dating then?”

You say the first name that popped into your head. The person closest to you.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“I don’t believe it.” His words come out harsh, and a part of you, the part that already feels like shit because Namjoon chose to be with Jennie a couple of years ago, lashes out in hurt.

“Why? Cause someone like him could never date someone like me?”

“Yes, Y/N. You guys are too different!” His voice was getting louder, and you knew that you had to do something in order to get him to believe your lie. So you do the only thing you can think of in your heated state. You take the several steps needed to cross the space between you and Jungkook, who looked up from where he was absorbed into his phone. 

“You ready?” he asked, looking down at your small frame. 

“Yeah baby, I’m ready.” Your hand snaked behind his head, and firmly grasping his neck, you leaned up on tiptoes as you pulled his mouth toward yours. You kissed him, and in his surprise, his free hands gripped your waist and he pulled you closer to him, before you were separating from him, slightly breathless. His grip tightened before it rested gently on your hip and you settled back onto your heels. 

You see the back of Namjoon’s coat trail behind him as he disappeared out the doors, pulling them shut loudly behind him.

You look back up at Jungkook, whose fingers squeeze your sides quickly to grab your attention.

“You’re definitely gonna have to explain after that kiss... baby.” 

—

Later that evening, you sat with Jungkook in his car. A black Mercedes Benz GT63S to be exact, with dark grey leather and a small bit of wood grain along the spacious dashboard. Your fingers trailed along the wood grain as you explained to Jungkook what happened, starting with the accidental drunk text messages, leading up to the reason behind your kiss. 

“So now what?” Jungkook asks, looking sideways over at you.

“I don’t know. I feel so stupid.”

“Look, Y/N… I think this could be mutually beneficial.”

You meet his eyes, a look of incredulity across your face.

“Please explain Jeon.”

“Look, earlier when I stepped in and kicked hyung off set, Somin was already eyeing the way we were behaving. She may or may not have texted me about it. Of course, I told her we were broken up, so she didn’t need to concern herself with my business. And then, when we came back to set, she made a face when they asked me to text you to come back too.” He smirked.

“I may or may not have peeped it, and may or may not have used it to my advantage. Of course, you kissing me definitely helped.” He glanced down at his phone as it lit up. Once again a message from Somin tiled above 17 other messages from her. He had been actively ignoring them while the two of you talked.

“So I say that we date.”

“We what?”

“Date. I can teach Somin a lesson about how to treat me and you can keep hyung off your back.”

“Teach Somin? I thought she broke up with you?”

“It was mutual. But this always happens. And I for one am tired of the back and forth. So this can teach her that other people want me, and I can move on, or she can stop with the drama and we stop breaking up every other week.”

You nodded. It sounded like a feasible plan, and you told him as much.

“So it’s agreed. We’re now together.”

“Not so fast, Jeon… I think we should have a backstory, get some things straight, set some rules.”

“Rules, Y/N? You sure know how to take the fun out of it.”

You rolled your eyes.

“When did we start dating?” you asked, ignoring his snide comment.

“We got together… at the beginning of the week. Somin and I broke up 2 weeks ago, though we didn’t make it public because she always does this shit...” he trailed off, before smiling back at you. “So yeah, let’s say we’ve been talking here and there everytime me and Somin would break up, and then we went on a couple dates during that first week we broke up and made it exclusive this week.”

You commit this to memory, then pull out your tablet and begin jotting it down with the stylus.

“Okay, so this is new, but we’ve been on each other’s radar for a bit. I think that’s believable, especially since we’ve known each other just as long as you and Somin have. How do you plan to make her jealous? It has to seem real, you know?”

“Trust me, she already thinks this is real,” he nods to his phone again, now at 28 unread messages from Somin, “so I think something that we can do is start arriving together. Maybe do little things for each other that are cute coupley things, be seen together. Kiss at work. Maybe I can sleep over a few nights or you at mine?” He winks at you.

“I thought you didn’t see me that way, Jeon.” You looked down at the tablet, furiously scribbling what he said in order to avoid looking at him and showing the way he caused your cheeks to warm.

“I said I wasn’t in love with you, babe, not that I wasn’t interested in sleeping with you again.”

“Yeah, well that’s off the table Jeon. This isn’t real.”

He just wagged his eyebrows at you seductively, but you laughed and moved on from it, reviewing the list you wrote out.

You made sure to underline number seven so he could see it easily. 

“And when does this end?” You asked.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess we just play it by ear. Let it be natural. Obviously not too early or too late, and it should be mutual. I mean, if Somin learns her lesson, we would obviously have to end things, but I don’t see that happening sooner than a month.”

“Okay,” you tilt your head, thoughtfully, “So we can re-examine this in like a month then.”

“So is this like a contract or what?” he jokes. “Want me to sign it?”

“Sure,” you say, playing along and offering him the stylus. He took it from your hand and signed his signature, and then handed you back the pen, gesturing for you to sign as well. You followed suit, a quiet chuckle as you saved the page to your tablet’s files.

“Wanna drive me home, boyfriend?”

—

Dating Jungkook was… interesting, to say the least. You were a little surprised when he texted you the next morning asking what your coffee order was, and you weren’t expecting him to be so punctual when he pulled up to your apartment. But as you and Yuna exited the apartment that morning, he was already parked at the curb, music a little too loud for the early morning transit, but you were thankful nonetheless. 

“Why are you taking us?” Yuna asked in her very blunt manner. She, of course, had heard of Jungkook, more so due to your falling out with Somin, but Jungkook took her question in stride.

“Because I’m dating your sister.” 

He handed you an iced caramel latte with a soft smile that you couldn’t help but return. Jungkook looked stunningly handsome, hair floofed to your desired preference and an all black outfit to match. His pants were the perfect fit to his well-toned body and the black bomber jacket gave him a bad boy edge that was softened by his doe eyes.

Yuna coughed, choking on her strawberry flavored poptart as you turned to look out the window. Yuna, seated behind you, hit the back of your seat.

“You’re dating him? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I wanted to be sure it was going to work out this time… He and his ex used to be on and off a lot and I didn’t want to tell you if they got back together.” You answer, mixing the truth into it.

“Ohhhh, I see. You a player Jeon? Gonna break my sister’s heart?” Yuna eyed him, pupils narrowed as they stared at him. 

He cleared his throat, not expecting to have to defend himself against the small pitbull in the backseat.

“Not planning on it, Yuna.” Jungkook reached over and took your hand into his large one, interlocking your fingers before he kissed the back of your hand sweetly as he released the brakes and pulled off. 

Walking into the BigHit building, Jungkook held the door open for you before placing his hand in the back pocket of your black skinny jeans as you walked to the elevator. You wore a black knit sweater that fell slightly off the shoulder, and you knew it looked like you two had coordinated outfits. His other hand held the strap of the backpack he had slung over his shoulder while you clutched your coffee and your bag. 

You started to walk off towards your office once you made it to your floor, but Jungkook’s hand on your ass pulled you back towards him. He leaned down to your ear, whispering quietly.

“Where are you off too in such a hurry?”

“Um, my office… why?”

“Come with me to mine first, let me drop off my bag and I'll walk you back.”

“Oh-kay?” 

Letting his pocketed hand guide you, you fell in step with him down the hallway. You passed several other people, including Jin, an actor signed to the company who was known for his gossip, who nodded their hellos to Jungkook before ducking their heads together or reaching for their phones. It felt like high school all over again. Jungkook removed his hand from the warmth of your ass in order to open his office door, to which he then pulled you inside. Closing the door, he backed you into it rather loudly. The windows in the door are frosted, but you knew that pressed to it like this, anyone who looked could see your outline against it. 

Jungkook pushed his body into yours, lips following suit as his hands found purchase on your hips. He kissed you languidly, the mint from his toothpaste clashed with your coffee, though not unpleasant. You kissed him back, enjoying the feel of his soft pout as it glided to your neck. He wasted no time in latching on, suckling your neck for a few seconds before he pulled away with a loud smacking noise. 

“I must say, we put on quite the show this morning. My roommate was out there, and he will definitely have everyone talking about our PDA.” He grinned, eyes still glued to your neck. “Once that hickey sets in, it will really be the talk of the town.”

You blinked, finally coming back to your senses. Of course. This was all a part of the plan. Jungkook stepped away from you, moving to put away his belongings in his office. You stepped away from the door, looking around as you willed your body to cool down. That kiss had been quite an experience, and you yourself had gotten carried away with the plan. 

Turning on the spot, you notice all the different camera equipment lining the walls, the beautiful still photography of various buildings throughout the city, but the most surprising was a photo from the first year you had all met. The picture had you, Jungkook, Somin, Jimin, and a few other friends in it; smiles wide as you stood at the fairgrounds you attended, ferris wheel lighting up the sky behind you. You walked towards it, taking in how carefree you looked, arms wrapped around Jungkook’s waist and his arms thrown over your and Somin’s shoulders, who was making the peace sign with both hands at her eyes. Jimin was making a silly face, arm wrapped around Somin’s waist. Simpler times.

You moved on, turning to the small polaroid camera and you couldn’t help but grab it. Turning, you snapped a photo of Jungkook, who was caught off guard. You took the developing film from the camera and set it down on his desk as he smiled at you.

“Hmm, that’s a good idea. Let me take a few photos of you, I can place them around my office.”

You tried to reject his idea, but he takes the photos anyways, pinching your cheeks and tickling you until he gets what he wants. Finally, 6 clicks later, he stood next to you, facing the camera to the two of you before he said your name softly. You looked up at him, and he surprised you with a kiss. That 7th click captured a kiss, and he placed that one in the back of his phone case.

“You are such a… a lover, Jeon.” You say, pointing at his phone. He shrugged, ignoring your jab.

“It’s something Somin always wanted me to do… I never did though. So seeing this will piss her off.”

You nodded, understanding. Everything he did had a purpose for getting at Somin in some way, shape, or form. You chided yourself that you would do well to remember that. 

—

Lunch was a whole new ball game. Used to sitting with Namjoon and Jennie, or some of your assistants, you were now eating lunch with Jungkook, who ate in the employee cafeteria. You followed his request to meet him there and stood in the doorway lost until you heard his voice call out to you.

Noting his waving hand, you wove through the circular tables until you reached the one he was at with Jimin, Taehyung, Jin, and Yoongi, a producer friend that you knew through Namjoon.

All of the seats were taken, but before you could stand there looking out of place, Jungkook scooted his chair out and all but pulled you onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he nuzzled into your neck, breathing in your clean scented perfume and strawberry shampoo.

“Get a room, JK.” Yoongi said, face contorted with a mock look of disgust.

“What? She’s just so cute and warm.” His fingers drifted towards the hem of your sweater and disappeared up into the material, cold fingers pressed against the soft skin of your belly and you shivered with a giggle, pushing his ice box hands away.

“You’re cold as fuck, Jesus Jeon! Were you hanging out in a freezer?”

“You could say that...” Taehyung laughed while elbowing Jimin, and you raised an eyebrow at them, wanting in on the joke, too.

“He was reviewing pictures with us and our managers.” Jimin clarified, and you nodded. 

“I take it that Somin wasn’t very warm?” You asked, leaning more into Jungkook.

“Not at all,” Tae disclosed, “she was very icy, had a lot to say about our dear JK over here, didn’t she?”

“Nothing we haven't heard before.” Jimin answered, and the two laughed, but you didn’t find it all that funny. Hearing that Somin trash talked Jungkook to his friends while working didn’t sound like the kind of person anyone would want to date. 

“Well she can talk shit all she wants, she’s just mad he’s moved on.” You defended, and are surprised to hear a quiet ‘thank you’ just for your ears as Jungkook tightened his hold briefly.

“I really dislike that girl,” Jin said, “I for one will be glad to not see her trashy ass around the apartment anymore. You are a breath of fresh air, Y/N.”

You smile shyly at Jin, enjoying how well everyone seemed to have welcomed you into their group.

“So, Y/N, we were just talking about the party Yoongi was throwing. He and Hobi live together, and they’re throwing a small rager this weekend. You’re coming with JK, right?”

Oh, this was not something you were expecting. You hadn’t gone to a party with co-workers in a long time…

“Um—”

“Of course she’ll be there, she’s coming with me. Right, babe?” Jungkook’s doe eyes looked up at you and you couldn’t say no. It’s not like you had plans anyways. You nodded and smiled at him, and he leaned into you, lips seeking yours in a quick kiss. You feel your body react to it, like it had been doing since this started, and pulled back before he could turn it X-rated. 

“Okay, seriously you two, get a room.”

—

Standing in the mirror in your bedroom, you turned from side to side to take in your outfit. As a head wardrobe stylist, you had a pretty good sense of fashion, but liked to stick to basic pieces and blacks, dressing up your look with delicate jewelry or layered pieces. 

Tonight was no different. With the beginnings of winter creeping in, you wanted to be comfortable in the weather once the sun set. You had on black sheer leggings that disappeared into a cute black skirt with thin white lines that had a revealing thigh split. Your top was an asymmetrical design, having one long sleeve and turning into a bandeau style on the other side. You paired it with black velvet boots that had crisp white laces, then finished the look with a matching set of simple dangling skinny diamond earrings, bracelet, and necklace. 

Despite this thing with Jungkook being fake, you wanted him to still feel proud to showcase you on his arm at this party. People were already talking about the two of you, and tonight would fuel the gossip even more. You were nervous of course, knowing who typically attended these types of parties, but Jungkook had assured you that he would keep you safe tonight.

The polite knock on your bedroom door had you turn your head to the sound, a tossed “come in” over your shoulder to who you thought was Yuna, but revealed a very handsome looking Jungkook, who was in his typical all black attire. You stood there, body warming as you took in his height, broad shoulders, and long legs. 

“Wow.” 

His voice was low, but his eyes looked like they sparkled as he took you in. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Jeon,” you responded, reaching to grab your bag off of your bed.

Jungkook snapped out of the daze he was in and pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

“Let’s take a photo for the ‘gram.”

You nodded; for a second you thought he wanted to have a photo of you because you looked good. Posing in the mirror, he pulled you close by your waist and adjusted his phone to capture both of you in the frame. He took a few photos, switching poses slightly each time.

“Hey,” he said, gaining your attention. You turned to him, shocked when his lips met yours. You melt easily into the kiss, hearing the camera shutter click several times as you tangled tongues, his hand sliding from your waist to cup your butt and pull you closer. You were unable to stop the moan from his action, and when he pulled away, lips a bit fuller and pinker from kissing, he quirked his eyebrow at you, paired with his signature smirk.

“Y-You messed up my lip gloss,” you fake huffed, turning away from him to rummage through your bag to grab your gloss and reapply. Your attempt to avoid him from seeing the way he affected you didn’t go unnoticed, but Jungkook kept quiet on it.

“It was worth it, these pics are hot. Plus, you taste good. What flavor is that?”

“Strawberry,” you mumbled, still feeling the heat from the kiss warm your neck and face.

“Strawberry is slowly becoming my new favorite.”

—

Yoongi and Hobi knew how to throw a party. The music was playing at the perfect level that you could still hear people talking to you, a variety of alcoholic beverages were supplied in ample amounts, and several games were being held in various rooms of their home. 

Currently, you were seated on the couch with a few other women from the office. Unfortunately, one of them was Somin. Across the room, your ‘boyfriend’ was engaged in a game of beer pong against Taehyung and Jimin. They had challenged him solo, citing he was good at everything and didn’t need a partner. As you watched him toss the small ping pong balls into the same cup, you knew their concern was right. 

“Y/N, you and Jeon?” Seline, one of the girls seated next to you, asked suggestively.

“Yea,” you giggled, the cup of something or other making you a little... giggly.

“Color me a little surprised. He’s like, such a social butterfly, and you’re...” 

“Oh, Y/N used to be a social butterfly, but she thought she was too good for us back in college.” Somin piped up. 

Her statement caught you off guard. Somin was once your best friend, but when she started dating Jungkook, she had distanced herself from you, not the other way around. 

“I never thought that. Some people act differently once they start dating people though. I never changed.” You sat back with a huff, crossing your arms. She ruined the buzz the alcohol had given you. 

Seline leaned closer to you, interested to hear more. The other’s seated nearby also tuned in with interest.

“Oh, you knew them in college?” 

You nodded, and Somin got up and walked away from the couch, seemingly annoyed at the attention you were getting for being Jungkook’s new girl.

You told the brief backstory of your friendship, leaving out the obvious part of losing virginities and finding out your best friend confessed to Jungkook when you were on your way to do the same thing, but ending it on good terms, saying that it was just the process of naturally growing apart. 

Seline nodded, and you saw her eyes widen as she looked past you. Following her gaze, your eyes narrowed at the view. Somin was all over Jungkook. You weren’t exaggerating; both of her hands were holding on to him as if she was too drunk to maintain her balance. She was falling into his arms and he was holding her, one of his large hands pushing her hair back from her face and a look of concern etched upon his own. 

Two feelings hit you at once. Nausea at the sight of him looking so tenderly at her, simultaneous with a boiling fury of jealousy that it wasn’t you. 

“Looks like Somin wants him back.” Seline snickered towards the other girls, and you stood up abruptly. You made eye contact with Jimin, who’s eyes were unnaturally large as he registered the scene before him.

Jimin was relieved that Somin interrupted the end of the game so that he could escape before he had to drink more, but he also felt annoyed seeing her all over Jungkook. Jimin had been glad when Jungkook told him and Tae that he was done with Somin; even more glad when he heard that Jungkook started seeing you. 

Back in college, Jimin was the only person, other than you and Jungkook, who knew what happened between you two. Both of you had confided in him your actions and feelings for one another. Color him surprised when he found out that Jungkook was not dating you, but instead your best friend, Somin. He wasn’t sure what happened but soon after, you stopped being around as much and Somin was around all the time. 

Watching Somin pretend to be too drunk to function and fall all over Jungkook made Jimin purposefully search the room for you. Watching you stand, drink clutched in your hand, Jimin had a feeling something was about to happen.

The drink you were nursing was downed in its entirety within a single swallow. You were now several drinks in, and you were feeling the alcohol start to hit as you stood up fast. Pushing your shoulders back, you walked over towards your ‘boyfriend’, whose back was turned towards you, and slid your arm around his waist.

“Heyyy babe,” you leaned into his body, staking claim on Jungkook as you stared daggers at Somin. She had taken a few steps back when you had approached, but now, seeing the challenge in your eyes, she stepped closer once more.

“Ggukk-ah, I don’t feel so well...”

“Min,” Jungkook stepped out of your hold, hands moving to cup Somin’s face as she feigned weakness in her knees. The level of concern in his voice let you know exactly how he felt. You scoffed, not believing Jungkook would behave this way in front of everyone. He was the one who had came up with this idea for ‘mutual benefit’ and here he was fucking it all up.

“She’s fine, babe. She can handle her alcohol.” You felt yourself growing hotter, the alcohol actually having an effect on you, as it always had. Your increasing body temperature only made you more frustrated.

“Seriously Gguk, I’m getting so hot...” Somin reached for the hem of her shirt, and in one fell swoop she had exposed the lacey bra she wore underneath. You could hear people talking over the sound of the music, taking in the scene of a shirtless ex making a brazen show.

“Jungkook!” Your voice is no more than a harsh whisper, but he’s so scandalized at Somin’s action, the protective boyfriend in him coming out to aid in shielding her body from onlookers, he doesn’t hear you. 

You hate the sick feeling bubbling in your stomach, unsure if it's from watching your ‘man’ flirt with his half naked ex or if it’s from the alcohol not sitting right with you.

Throwing the scene one last look, you turned on your heels and headed off to the kitchen for a bottle of water, or perhaps, another cup of something stronger.

Walking past him and Taehyung, Jimin caught sight of the look on your face before you blew past on your way towards the kitchen and he knew he should warn his friend.

“Jungkook, hey.. Jungkook!” Jimin yelled, his voice louder the second time he called his name. 

Jungkook had been leaning towards Somin, hands cradling her face as he continued to speak quietly to her. When he looked up at Jimin, his face appeared slightly annoyed at the interruption as he was taking care of her.

“What, bro?”

“Um, your girlfriend? Y/N? She just went into the kitchen and she looked a little upset.” Jimin said, his face trying to communicate to Jungkook what it looked like that he was holding his ex that way and his new girlfriend had stormed off. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Jimin, can you?” Jungkook gestured his head towards the kitchen and Jimin thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

“How about I take Somin and you go find Y/N? Your girlfriend. Remember?”

Jungkook paused for a millisecond before depositing Somin into Jimin’s arms. He made his way to the kitchen, where he found you engaged in taking shots with Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jin, the latter of which was shit talking Somin with a smile. When you felt his presence enter the kitchen, you ignored him, gesturing for your now fourth shot in as many minutes.

Sensing the tension, Yoongi decided against more shots, instead leading Hobi and Jin out of the kitchen, much to Jin’s complaints of having to be around the ‘trashy tramp’. The three headed back to the party, a bottle tucked under Yoongi’s arm as Hobi carried the shot glasses out. 

“We were enjoying our new friend, JK. Stop keeping her to yourself,” Jin said with a drunken glare. 

Sighing audibly, you turned to walk out of the kitchen but Jungkook’s grasp on your wrist stopped you.

“Hey, why are you ignoring me like this?” He asked, confusion tinting his voice.

“Um, maybe because you’re supposed to be dating me and you were too busy with Somin to remember you even had a girlfriend.” You said back harshly, spitting the words at him with such vehemence you wobbled precariously on your heels.

“Come here.” Jungkook said, dragging you behind him through the bodies in the hallway until you had made it into one of the unoccupied back bedrooms. Shutting the door, he turned to you as he dragged his hand through his hair. The action only made him more handsome, tousled hair falling gently to frame his face.

“Look, it’s... complicated with Somin right now.”

“I get that you’re trying to teach her a lesson, see if you want to be with her or whatever, but not at my expense. You said mutually beneficial. Making me look like your second choice and embarrassing me does not benefit me.”

During your speech, you poked him in the chest several times, the alcohol starting to take its effect on you. Stumbling slightly, Jungkook caught you to steady you, keeping his hands on your waist. The warmness of his palms felt nice as he helped keep you balanced.

“You’re right, Y/N. I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s complicated. We dated for a long time. I still care for her. She’s... been making this difficult.”

“Oh? Difficult how? By faking being drunk so you can take care of her?”

“She’s a lightweight, that’s not fake,” he defended.

You were once close enough with Somin to know that she was not a lightweight, since she had been drinking at parties since she was 14; her earlier interaction was indeed, all an act.

“Whatever, Jungkook. So what is she doing that’s so difficult?” you asked, cutting him a look of narrowed eyes until he answered you.

He walked backwards, tugging you gently along until he was seated on the bed. You stood between his parted knees, waiting patiently for his answer. Realizing you weren’t going to drop it, he rubbed the back of his neck gingerly.

“She’s, you know.. She still texts me all the time, saying shit and sending pics and stuff. She says she wants me back, but I just,” he looked up at you, his doe eyes unable to hide his emotions.

“I don’t know if I believe it. I want to. But she’s hurt me, and I’m tired of it. I want her to feel how I felt.”

Your ire towards him faded as he opened up to you. Cupping his face gently, you leaned in and rubbed his nose with yours softly back and forth.

“You’re amazing Jungkook. Until tonight, you’ve treated me like a princess the entire week we’ve been dating. But she won’t learn if you give in. You’ve got me now, okay? When she texts you, text me instead. Don’t entertain her. She’ll think I’m not enough for you if you keep responding, and that doesn’t show her you can move on.”

You had sunk into him the whole time you talked to him, and he shifted your body so you were now straddled over his lap, head resting on his shoulder. You yawned sleepily, the loss of the anger leaving you feeling the tired effects of the alcohol. Unlike Somin, you were a lightweight, and 3 shots was over your limit.

As you got comfortable on Jungkook, he thought over what you said, smoothing your hair carefully.

“You’re right. You always were so smart in school... ” Jungkook said, and you nodded your head on his shoulder in agreement, humming an affirmative.

“Let’s get you home though, you’re halfway to passing out anyways.” Pulling out his phone, he ordered an Uber. He held you like that, your strawberry scent surrounding him until the Uber driver was outside. His hands gripping you under your thighs, he stood up and carried you out of the party, nodding bye to his friends and hosts of the party.

Placing you into the Uber, he climbed in after you and you curled into his lap, seeking his warmth in your drunken half-slumber. Jungkook chuckled, noticing the way his chest reacted to the action but ignored it. This was an arrangement, you seeking him out wasn’t real, and your anger earlier wasn’t jealousy, he told himself. You were worried about being embarrassed. He still loved and wanted to get back with Somin, right? 

As he looked down at you in his lap, enjoying the weight of you pressed against his body, he wasn’t so sure. 

“This the correct address, sir?” The Uber driver asked, verifying with Jungkook once he shut the SUV door.

“Yea, both of us are headed there.”

—

The weekend passed by fast. Waking up at Jungkook’s place Sunday morning had been a little shocking, but his bed was soft and clean, and smelled of him. You had snuggled deeper into the sheets until he woke you up to go get breakfast and get his car from Yoongi’s place. He detailed to you what had transpired to you being in his bed, expressed that he had not taken advantage of you, per rule number 7, plus the basic concept of consent, and promised to take you home as soon as Jin was awake and could take the two of you to go get his car. 

He gave you some clothes to change into, and while you weren’t surprised to find he had jeans to fit you, neither one of you asked or shared the obvious: they were Somin’s. At least the shirt he gave you was his, and you also stole a hoodie to wear. December may have only just started a week ago, but the cold was pervasive.

Breakfast with him was fun. Getting to know Jungkook again was just as exhilarating as it had been the first time, during that first year at BHSMA. He had changed, but in a good way. More mature, but still playful. An adult who was a hotshot photographer, but still humble and considerate. How someone could be built like that and have such a big soft heart was beyond you. 

The trip to get his car was slightly awkward, as Jin, Jungkook’s very nosy roommate, commented on how bad drunk sex must be with Jungkook if you were able to keep so quiet. 

“Somin was always so loud, I swear she was exaggerating. No one’s dick is that good; sorry JK.”

Once Jin dropped the two of you off at Yoongi and Hobi’s, it ended up turning into hanging out with them for a bit, talking about work and your relationship with Jungkook. Hobi swooned with oohs and ahhs while Yoongi cringed, faking disgust at such a cute story, as was his trademark. 

Jungkook apologized once the two of you escaped to his car, for both Jin being cringey, and for staying longer than anticipated with Yoongi and Hoseok, but you weren’t mad. You enjoyed meeting his friends and getting to know them. You were only a little concerned because Yoongi was also friends with Namjoon, who worked in the same department as him.

Jungkook turned to you before you climbed out of the car, not wanting to say goodbye just yet, but unable to think of a reason to get you to stay. Afterall, the relationship was fake. 

“Hey, thanks for your advice last night.”

“Honestly, I barely remember what it was, but if it helped you, I’m glad.” You smiled at him, and he had to blink a few times to remember what else he wanted to say.

“So, um—I was thinking we could go on, like, a formal date Monday? After work? Monday should be a chill day. I know the comeback is planned for January, so going out sooner than later is best, right? Get it out of the way? That way we won’t forget, and we won’t be too busy with work to try and squeeze it in, and—” 

Jungkook knew he was rambling, feeling nervous despite it being you, someone he had known for several years now. For fucks sake, he’s seen you naked. He felt his cock twitch and internally scolded himself. This was not the time for remembering the way you felt beneath him, the sweet sounds he had pulled from you as he learned your body, shared with you in giving each other your virginities. 

When his cock twitched again, he took a deep breath and tried to focus on your answer.

“You okay, Jeon?” you asked, noticing he had zoned out slightly.

“Yeah... ” he responded, shifting as if uncomfortable.

“Well, I said I would love to go on a date with you. What did you have planned?”

“It’s a surprise. Just dress for the weather.”

You nodded thoughtfully, a small smile gracing your face as you gathered your purse and stepped back out of the doorway of his car to shut it. He rolled the window down, smiling back at you.

“Can’t wait,” you say, standing outside his car on the sidewalk through the rolled down window, waving your fingers at him cutely.

Jungkook’s signature smile spread across his face as he winked at you just before he pulled off, turning his music up loud as he whipped his Benz out of your complex. 

—

Now sitting at your desk, you clicked through the selected shots that Jungkook emailed you of the photo shoot from last week as you reminisced on the weekend. You were supposed to be checking the outfits, detailing the different designers for the credits. But your thoughts kept drifting to Jungkook, and what should have easily been a 15 minute task took 45. 

Finally sending the email, you stood to stretch when a loud knock announced a visitor. Walking to the frosted door of your office, you opened it and revealed a large bouquet of tiger lilies. 

“Delivery for Y/N Y/L/N,” Kim, one of your assistants sing-songed as she walked into the room.

“Where did you get this? And why?” You searched the flowers until you found the card inside.

“I’m not supposed to give any details other than to read the note!” She pranced away, a smug smile on her face for knowing the secret you wanted to know.

Opening the envelope, a small polaroid fell out, fluttering to the ground. You picked it up, noting the image of a small park nearby. At the bottom, in Jungkook’s neat writing was a time. 2:30PM. Glancing at the clock, you see that the time listed is in roughly 15 minutes, so you gathered your purse, plucked a flower from the bouquet and headed out to meet Jungkook.

Walking into the elevator, Namjoon suddenly entered just before the doors shut, trapping you inside with him.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked. You studied him, momentarily at a loss for words at his ambush.

“Joonie, I—I’m not avoiding you. I’ve just been busy...”

“Too busy for your best friend? Jennie left me, and now I feel like I’m losing you too.”

Hearing his voice crack as he mentioned his ex hurts you more than you let him know. In all of the panic of the secret sex journal being released and fake dating Jungkook, you had forgotten what Namjoon had been going through.

“I promise, you’re not losing me, Joonie. You’re my best friend. I’m sorry that I haven’t been acting like it. I swear, I have been busy.”

“Yeah, busy going to parties with your new boyfriend. I saw him carrying your wasted ass out of Yoongi’s house.” Namjoon sounded a little irritated as he spoke.

“Listen, it’s complicated.. Can we talk about this later, please? It’s not a conversation for the elevator.”

“Okay, where are you going? I’ll go with you.” The doors opened and you both stepped out, Namjoon following you like a lifeline.

“Joonie, I—Look, I’m going on a date with Jungkook, I’m sorry!” you halted your steps and explained to him as a look of hurt flashed across his face.

“You know what? Forget it. Hit me up when you remember your best friend, if I’m even that.”

Namjoon walked away from you, ignoring you as you called after him. You sighed, giving up as he disappeared around a corner of the lobby, guests and coworkers looking at the exchange with interest.

You rubbed your temples and took a deep breath before braving the cold to walk to Ttukseom Park.

The walk was surprisingly pleasant. Despite the temperature, the sun was warm on your face whenever you were able to evade the shade along the sidewalk. It may have been the very beginnings of winter, but the scenery was anything but the cold melancholy you tended to associate with this time of the year.

The grass was vibrant still, and as you made it to the spot that matched the small photo you still had clutched in your hand, you noticed how the butterfly art installation along the wall of the J-Bug Cultural Complex glittered in the sunlight seeping in. Jungkook was seated on a bench right underneath the art with his trusty camera hanging from his neck, a picnic basket next to him.

“This is beautiful,” you said in awe, taking in the entire view. Jungkook followed your gaze, humming his agreement before picking up his camera. You heard the shutter of the camera several times. You looked over to him glancing at the small screen on the device before adjusting the lens and taking several more. 

“Have you never seen this?” He said as he stood and grabbed the basket. You stood as well and followed him, falling into step beside him as he walked out from the shade and into the grassier area.

You shook your head no. “Don’t really have the time I guess. I’ve always wanted to explore the J-Bug though; Namjoon said the museums all along the Hangang are amazing.”

“I’ve taken photos at several of the murals nearby, they’re some of my favorite locations actually.” He smiled at you, and you can’t help the way your heart squeezes. He nodded his head to an area that had a decent amount of sunlight to combat the winter chill.

“Yea, I remember seeing some of them in your office. You’re really talented Kookie, I remember how passionate you were about photography even back then.” You helped spread the blanket he produced from the basket and once seated you leaned back on your palms, eyes closed. 

Jungkook looked at you, taking in the way the midday sun made you glow, how pretty your lashes looked leaving shadows across your content cheeks. He couldn’t hold back the smile that took over his face upon hearing you use the endearment he hadn’t heard since that night so long ago.

“Ah, yeah, but my photography wasn’t that good then.”

“Stop being so humble, the photos you took were amazing, even then.”

You opened your eyes, catching him staring at you, and you felt yourself grow self-conscious.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“Oh—uh, no sorry, it was just the sun—you know, lighting and all.” He gestured to his camera.

“Ah, I guess the talented eye never rests. Though I don’t know why you would want pictures of me,” you laughed and Jungkook tapped your knee in reproach.

“You’re a pretty good subject, don’t downplay yourself.”

You nodded, looking in the basket to hide the way your cheeks had warmed at his comment.

“Seriously, Y/N, I used to want to take photos of you all the time back then... you should’ve seen my camera roll. It was embarrassing. Jimin used to tease me all the time.” Jungkook helped you set up his small spread of food and you used the meal as a distraction.

“Ooh, did you prepare all of this?”

“Ah, some of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I had some help from Jin hyung.”

“It smells delicious.” You took the proffered chopsticks from his large hand and dug into the bowl of japchae before placing it on your rice to gather for one bite; Jungkook followed suit.

The rest of the lunch date went incredibly well. Jungkook was just like you remembered him to be, except he was more filled out, and a little taller with a jawline that could cut glass. But his humor, his compassion, his deep thoughts that led you to fall for him all those years ago were still painfully there. Spending more time with him one on one did nothing but show you that the feelings you once had for him were still easily accessible. 

As he led you back to the office, his hand swinging yours between your bodies, you couldn’t help but wish this was real. How nice it would be to just pretend that Jungkook really was yours, allow those creeping feelings to spread like spring, blooming across your chest until it was vibrant and unforgettable. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like after; after when you were single again and Jungkook had either gotten back with Somin or moved on to someone else.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook squeezed your hand. You hadn’t even noticed that you were not only back at the office, but standing at the door to your locked office.

“Oh, sorry. Honestly, that lunch date was just so nice… It felt good to get out and do something different for a change.”

“Oh, well yea, I remembered you used to like stuff like this, I figured you probably still did.”

You nodded, hope blooming. 

“Take a look at this post, let me know if it’s okay.”

He handed you his phone, and you admired the way he had caught you off guard, a photo that looked like it could be moving, the way your hair frames your face as you looked longingly off into the distance. The caption was simple. “It’s not about where you go or what you have, it’s about who you’re with along the way.” 

“It’s perfect.”

“Okay, post it then. And post a few more pics of me on your page too? I’ve been posting and tagging you...”

If you didn’t know any better, you would think that Jungkook sounded… upset? You nodded as you clicked the post button, and as it loaded, the phone vibrated in your hand. Thinking it was a like or a comment on the image of you, you glanced at it. His phone had locked by this time, and instead of seeing notifications for Instagram, you saw a message notification instead. 

Handing him back his phone, you push down that blooming sensation. It would be foolish to think Jungkook was upset that you hadn’t posted him as much as he had posted you. Clearly he must’ve spent time with Somin after he dropped you off yesterday. 

“You got a message. Umm, I’m gonna finish up here and then head home, you don’t need to wait for me. See you tomorrow?”

You wanted to get away from him desperately. Jungkook looked at you, confused at your sudden shift in mood.

“I thought I was driving you home? Jin said he was staying out late tonight, I figured we could hang out for a few—”

“We’ll see! There’s still so much to do for the album release.” You leaned up and kissed his cheek chastely before unlocking your office door and all but disappeared inside of it.

Jungkook stood there, staring at your closed door for a few more seconds before he felt his phone buzz in his hand. Checking his notifications, he saw a series of texts from Somin. 

Looking around confused, he noticed Somin standing across the office area, a deadly smirk on her face as she waved her phone at Jungkook. All Jungkook could do was sigh. Somin wouldn’t leave him alone long enough to sort out his thoughts, and now she was sending purposefully misleading texts? Jungkook didn’t know how to explain to you that what you saw was untrue.

You clearly believed it.

—

Jungkook gave you two days of space before he decided to track you down. He always hated that Somin would know he was upset (typically because it was her fault) and immediately pounce on him, forcing her company upon him and not allowing him the ability to forgive and move on. He wanted to give you that time, so after two days, Jungkook felt that it had been long enough, and the two of you should reconcile whatever misunderstanding there had been.

You posted a photo with him yesterday, and from the caption you wrote it appeared like you had a fun time with him on Monday despite the way you left him standing at your office door. 

The image you posted on your Instagram with Jungkook was a candid shot; he hadn’t realized you had taken a photo. While it brought about that warm feeling in his chest seeing the photo appear in his feed, it didn’t clearly depict his face. 

Instead, the focus was on your fingers intertwined. Jungkook’s profile could be seen, blurred from lack of focus, but it matched the caption you had chosen so well. “Even if someone shakes this world, please don’t ever let go of this hand you’re holding...”

Motivated, Jungkook made sure to be bright and early at your door ready to drive you and your sister. 

You weren’t expecting to see the flashy Benz outside of your apartment. Yuna was excited to not have to take public transportation, leaving you behind as she all but ran to the passenger rear door.

“Morning JK! We missed you these past few days.”

“Ah, sorry about that, I had to be at the office way earlier; didn’t want to make you guys wake up even earlier than you already do.”

Yuna waves off the apology and you finally followed; feet moving across the pavement until you’ve climbed into the car and buckled your seatbelt.

“Morning princess,” Jungkook says, leaning towards you and pecking your lips. You were caught off guard, not expecting him to be so lovey, but you returned the kiss, a double peck that you started and continued on as the traditional way you greeted each other.

“Morning.”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Yea, been a bit out of it these past few days...” You trailed off, not wanting to talk about it in front of Yuna. Catching on, Jungkook turns up the music and shifts into drive, pulling off towards the University for Yuna.

The drive to the office isn’t too long from the school, so once Yuna was out, Jungkook wasted no time in asking you to talk.

“So, can we talk about Somin?”

You huffed out a sigh. It was too early in the morning to deal with the Somin issue, but you nodded, allowing Jungkook to breach the topic.

“I know you saw her message. I want you to know that nothing happened. She sent that text because she saw us. She was doing the same bullshit she always does, part of the reason I don’t think she’s learned anything yet, like you said.”

You nodded, still not sure what to believe. He had no reason to lie to you, it’s not like you were actually in a relationship. He could go back to Somin anytime. 

“I hate that you’re mad at me.”

You turned your body towards him. 

“I—Look, I’m not mad, okay? Not at you. I just hate that Somin gets under my skin so much. That she’s a bitch to you. Neither of us deserve it, especially you.”

Jungkook reached over, encasing your hand in his.

“I’m learning that now. We’ve been together so long, I never noticed at first what she was doing. But I think subconsciously, it was making me resent her. And you really said some shit that had me thinking. And you’re right. I—I’m really glad to have you back in my life, Y/N. Having you in my corner has made all the difference.”

You looked down, eyes staring at the tattooed hand to hide the warmth on your face. 

“After work, come over. Let me buy us dinner and we can hang out.” You felt his smile as he stared at you while pausing at the red light before your office, and you met his gaze.

“Okay.”

“Good, we need to make Jin believe we’re having hot, loud sex, since rule 7 prevents you from experiencing the real thing.”

He let out a shout of pain as you punched his shoulder.

—

Walking to get food was not the smartest idea for 3 reasons. First, because neither of you checked the weather. Second, due to number one, neither of you had an umbrella. So naturally, third, running in the rain while carrying takeout was almost a disaster.

And still, the two of you laughed the entire way, bag clutched in one arm while your fingers were intertwined between your sprinting bodies, one block left to get to Jungkook’s apartment. By the time he’s unlocked the door, you're both sopping wet, rain water dripping onto the floor of the entryway to the apartment. After getting the food situated to stay warm while you guys got cleaned up, Jungkook gave you a towel and led you to his bathroom.

You appreciated that he was such a clean guy, his apartment and subsequently, the bathroom was pristine, and he actually had a trashcan and stocked toilet paper, unlike some men you knew. He planted folded clothes for you to change into on top of the sink counter, and surprised you with a kiss.

“What was that for?” You asked, dazed.

“Practice.” He said with a wink, and he backed away, closing the door as he left you alone. 

—

While Jungkook showered, you heated up the food, your mostly dried hair now up in a messy bun as you danced around his kitchen. His sweats were a little (a lot) too long, so you had rolled them up so you could avoid tripping. 

A knock at the door made you jump, before you moonwalked over to the entryway, now clean of the rain water the two of you had trudged in. Thinking it was Jin, you didn’t check to see who it was and opened the door. You froze as you took in a young man that was not your ‘boyfriend’s’ broad shouldered roommate. Instead, doe-eyes similar to the man currently naked in the shower stared back at you.

“Oh, hey… I thought my brother lived here. Sorry about that!” The man stepped back, checking the number on the apartment again before his eyes landed on your shirt—or rather, his brother’s shirt.

“You’re not Somin...”

“Hi, and no, I’m not,” you laughed, “um, but this is Jungkook’s apartment.”

“Ahh, okay. I’m JungHyun. His older brother.”

“Oh! Come in!” You stepped back so that he could walk past you, and you led him into the living room once he had shed his shoes. 

“Oh, did I interrupt dinner?”

“Oh, no we haven’t even started eating yet. No worries.”

The two of you sat down, and you tucked your feet up under your bottom, turning to face Jungkook’s older brother.

“So, I know who you’re not...”

“Oh, fuck, manners.” The look on your face is sheepish, and you smiled to cover your nerves. “I’m Y/N, Kookie’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, you’re the famous Y/N! Finally got you, did he?”

His words confused you, Jungkook had been with Somin since forever, when had he ever wanted you? Smiling to cover your confusion, you’re saved when Jungkook appears in the hallway, a loud laugh as he barreled over to his brother and all but jumped on the man.

“Hyung! What are you doing here?!”

“Oh, I finished that project at work early, so I’m headed to visit mom and dad. Staying with them through Christmas before the next contract at work starts.”

“Ah, it’s good to see you!”

Jungkook’s enthusiasm is abundant; it’s clear he loves his brother dearly and misses him. He pulled back from a hug and sat comfortably in the space between you and JungHyun, his palm resting lightly on your leg absentmindedly.

“So, I’ve met your new girlfriend. I must say you didn’t do her justice when you described her to me.”

You felt the blush creep across your face, and Jungkook also seemed to turn red, his fingers rubbing at the skin on his neck.

“Yea, seeing her in person is best.” He says awkwardly, and you can’t help but laugh.

“So? Does dad know? Mom is gonna be so excited. She hated Somin.”

“What?” Jungkook says at the same time that you say “Really?”

JungHyun nodded, sitting back into the couch comfortably.

“Yea, no offense, lil bro, but Somin was a bitch. Mom thought she was so fake.”

“Wh-why didn’t you guys ever say anything?”

“Eh, you know, cause you were in love or whatever.”

You get up and go to the kitchen, grabbing bowls and the last of the heated food, hoping to avoid being present for this part of their conversation, but still curious all the same.

“Definitely not.”

“Mmhmm, sure.”

“Seriously. I wasn’t actually in love. Or if I was, it faded. I think for a lot of it I was just… dependent or whatever. I thought it was love, sure. But it wasn’t; I know that now.”

“Ah, so Y/N showed you what love is?”

“She definitely cares more about me and my happiness than Somin ever has.”

You cleared your throat as you walked back into the living room.

“Ready to eat?”

Dinner with Jungkook and JungHyun is, in so many words, fun. They bantered and joked and you spend the time eating and laughing, enjoying your time with the brothers. You didn't even realize how late it had gotten, not until Jin waltzed into the apartment, noting the late hour for you all to be chatting so loud. 

“Shit, Yuna messaged me an hour ago.” 

“Just stay here. We can pick Yuna up in the morning when you go home to change.”

“Are you sure? Your brother’s visiting, I don’t want to be in the way.”

“Y/N, don’t worry, I’ll take the couch. I was going to anyway.” JungHyun smiled at you, and you nodded back. Standing up, you stretched, not realizing how tired you were. Jungkook took the opportunity to tickle your exposed sides, and you squealed, causing the brothers to laugh as you squirmed away from Jungkook, who didn’t let you get far.

“Let’s get you to bed, princess.”

Turning in Jungkook’s arms, you looked over his shoulder at his brother.

“Good night, oppa.”

Jungkook stiffened as JungHyun and Jin laughed, enjoying the way the youngest one reacted to your words.

“Ah, if it doesn’t work out between you two, hit me up.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook glared at his brother, not enjoying the joke.

“What? At least she wouldn’t need to meet our parents twice! She is coming for Christmas, right?”

The two of you looked at each other, a little thrown off by the question. The holidays were coming up, but you hadn’t discussed this far into the relationship. It wasn’t real after all, did you have to go through such lengths to teach Somin a lesson?

“I haven’t told mom and dad yet about her...”

“No worries, I text them ages ago. They’re expecting her for Christmas.”

Jungkook sighed, dropping his forehead to yours, so all you could see was his eyes staring into yours.

“Is this okay? Do you wanna, you know? Meet my parents?” Jungkook’s voice was low as he whispered the question.

“I—Yes.”

The look on his face when you agreed was beautiful, a scrunched-nose smile that is reminiscent of a bunny. You couldn’t help but smile back, lost in the mahogany of his eyes.

“Are you guys over there kissing when I’m waiting for an answer?” JungHyun broke the tension filling the air between you and his brother.

Jungkook smirked before capturing your lips with his own, a breathless kiss that lasted only a couple seconds before he pulled away to smirk at his brother.

“You can tell mom and dad I’ll be bringing her home for Christmas.” With those words, Jungkook whisked you down the hall and tucked you into his bed before climbing in behind you. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulled you closer to him. His hands skimmed your body before he began tickling you again, a squeal leaving your mouth. You retaliated, hands attempting to tickle him before he pinned you to the bed, and the two of you began to wrestle for a bit. 

You were unaware of how sexual the wrestling sounded; his headboard hitting the wall roughly and the two of you grunting and groaning as you fought for dominance, some added squeals and moans when Jungkook decided it was a good idea to bite you in his quest for submission. Finally winded, you gave in, laying back on the mattress in defeat. Jungkook tugged at your sweatpants, removing them swiftly and throwing them onto the floor, his own joining the pile. He then grasped your face, peppering it with kisses.

You were about to ask him what he was doing, when someone knocked. Jungkook called out a ‘come in’ and his brother walked into the bedroom, his sights set on the bathroom.

“Don’t mind me, just gonna wash up before bed. It seemed safe to enter now.”

He disappeared into the bathroom as Jungkook continued to hold you, affectionate even after his brother was out of sight. Even if this relationship was fake, you could pretend in this moment that it was real, that Jungkook pulled you closer, not to fool his brother, but because he wanted to be close to you, that he was falling in love with you. 

For one night, it should be okay to pretend it was something more, right?

—

The next two weeks passed by in a blur. Namjoon had basically confined himself to his studio at work, intent on avoiding you. Seeing you hand in hand with Jungkook seemed to bother him, and because you couldn’t tell him the truth (or wouldn’t), you left him to his own assumptions. He ignored all of your texts attempting to reach out to him, despite him saying he wanted you to let him know when you had time for him. This just made you more frustrated, and you were done trying to chase Namjoon, romantically or otherwise. When he was ready to behave like an adult, you would be willing to talk to him. 

After telling Yuna about how you were asked to go home with Jungkook and meet his family, you received a call from your own parents. Yuna had told them about Jungkook, and you were bombarded with questions until you too agreed to bring Jungkook home.

It took some discussing, but it was finally decided: the 23rd and Christmas Eve would be with your family, and Christmas Day and the 26th would be with Jungkook’s. You were a little worried that the parents would be able to see through your ruse, despite having fooled everybody else at work, but Jungkook assured you that it would be easy enough to trick his parents. 

On the train ride to Daegu, you sat a few rows away from your sister, who had her headphones in as she watched the latest K-Drama she missed due to her busy school schedule. The ‘arriving soon’ message plays throughout the cabins of the KTX, and you figure it’s important to bring up your parents. 

Turning to Jungkook, who was drawing on his iPad, you removed an airpod from your ear, pausing the music. You take a moment and admire his face, the way his jawline was so angular, the sharp planes of his cheekbones, the concentration held in his eyes.

“Like what you see?” Jungkook’s voice is teasing, but you still felt embarrassed at being caught staring at him.

“I just think we should talk about the next 2 days.”

“Y/N, listen. Parents love me. Despite the tattoos and long hair.”

“Cause you’ve met so many parents? You’ve been dating Somin since we were 20.”

“My friends have parents too, you know. Don’t worry. Just be like we always are and it’ll be fine.”

“Your parents may be easy to trick, but mine? They’re a bit more… scrutinizing. Plus, they’ve heard me talk about Namjoon, and probably don’t remember me talking about you...” you trailed off, a slight warmth subtly coloring your cheeks.

“So you used to talk about me?”

“Well, yea, first year, you know? I had a crush on you, so my mom heard all about it. Not about—you know, but I told her I thought we might date.” You buried your nose in your phone to avoid looking at Jungkook. 

“You know, you never told me why you nev—”

Jungkook’s words were cut off by an attendant walking through the aisle, asking everyone to start packing up their belongings as the train would be pulling into the DongDaegu Station momentarily.

“My dad should be here to pick us up—Yuna!” Your sister turned to you, a smile on her face as she waved her phone.

“Dad’s here!”

The drive to the house was short, and you spent most of the time taking turns with Yuna filling in your dad on your life in Seoul. Your mom was busy in the kitchen when you arrived, and she shooed you all upstairs to your rooms. Unsurprisingly, your parents were having you and Yuna share her room while Jungkook would be across the hall in your room. 

Your parents were more conservative, and while you were an adult and perfectly able to do as you pleased in Seoul, while under their roof, they wanted to make sure that you remained as pure as they could keep you. 

Dinner that first night went well. Jungook and your dad bonded over sports, despite Jungkook not playing any team sports, he was still well-versed on the topic and joined your dad in watching a basketball game while you, Yuna, and your mom cleaned up after dinner and then sat in the sewing room. 

Your mom asked you all about Jungkook, which she surprisingly did remember you talking about. It seemed you had her and your father fooled, but while you sat at her embroidery machine, she shared she was confused about the lack of presents you had for each other to open tomorrow night. Saying it was because you still had to wrap them and she would find them under the tree tomorrow was an easy enough excuse, and paired with a very real yawn, you excused yourself to get ready for bed.

Sleeping with Yuna was uncomfortable; she was a wild sleeper. Restlessness won over sleep, so you got out of bed and made your way downstairs to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. Your parents were already in bed in their first floor room on the other side of the house from the kitchen and the stairs.

When you returned back upstairs, you noticed the light on in your bedroom, so you knocked softly.

“Come in,” Jungkook’s voice was subdued, and you pushed the door open gently.

“Hey,” you said, eyeing Jungkook’s lean, topless form as he sat at the edge of the bed. You never tired of the view when you would sleep over at his place. 

“Can’t sleep?”

“Yea, Yuna isn’t the best person to sleep next to, flops around all night, hogs the sheets.”

You walk into the room, joining him on the bed. He’s swiping through images from the SeoulM8 shoots he’s recently done. You watched his finger move across the iPad leisurely.

“Ahh, sounds like you miss sleeping next to me.”

You scoffed, shoulder bumping into his.

“You snore a bit. And your body temperature runs pretty hot. I wake up sweating half the time.”

“Ah, not the first time I’ve made you sweat, love.”

You raise your eyebrow at his insinuation of your loss of virginity.

“Kidding, babe,” he jokes, locking his iPad and setting it down to charge on the bedside table.

“Can we go into town tomorrow? I want to do some last minute shopping.”

“Sure.” Jungkook yawned and you took that as your cue to leave so he could get some sleep after your journey across the country.

“Where ya going? I thought you couldn't fall asleep with Yuna?”

Jungkook pulled the covers back, making space for you to climb in in front of him.

“Well, yes, but my parents—”

“Sleep downstairs and wholly expect us to pretend to sleep apart but know that you’re going to sneak in here anyways because we’re madly in love.”

You had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing loudly.

“And how do you know that?”

Jungkook smirked, still waiting for you to get into bed.

“You’re dad told me. He also said we need to give him grandchildren, sooner rather than later.”

Stunned silent, Jungkook leaned forward and grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him. He turned off the light and you climbed in over him, keeping him at the front just in case. 

“C’mere,” he rolled over and pulled you to his chest, snuggling into you as he got comfortable. “We have to look madly in love. No funny business though. I know you think I’m irresistible, but we are in your parents house and must be respectful.”

You elbowed him in the rib, and settled into the comforting darkness of your childhood bedroom with Jungkook’s arm wound around your waist, holding you close. 

——

Christmas Eve, in your family, is the night that presents are opened. As a child, this tradition was done in order to make room under the tree for Santa’s presents. As adults, your parents keep the tradition alive, instead putting stockings with 1 or 2 of the more expensive gifts for you to have on Christmas morning. 

After shopping in town and spending time wrapping, you had finally placed a few gifts for Jungkook under the tree that Yuna was now passing out. You were surprised to see a couple gifts for you from Jungkook in the small pile you amassed, and when you caught his eye, he winked at you. 

Yuna opened her gifts first, then you and Jungkook, where you saw that he gave you a matching jewelry set: necklace and earrings in a soft rose gold, a small cherry blossom bloom dangling from the small hoop of the earrings and from a small hoop on the necklace. It reminded you of your date at the park. The two of you sat under the winter sakura tree that day, the only blossoms that bloom twice a year, where you told him how much you loved cherry blossoms in passing. 

“It’s beautiful, Jungkook.” You almost can’t believe it, but he just smiles softly at your gratitude and helps put the necklace on you. Your parents looked happy, enjoying seeing their daughter so happy. Jungkook was excited to see what you had gotten him; a special lens for his camera that he had talked on and on about purchasing soon. He was giddy, running upstairs to grab his camera, testing out the new lens on pictures of you and your family.

Once again, you found yourself in your old room, curled up with Jungkook, but this time you were unable to sleep. Rolling over, you faced Jungkook, who cracked one eye and peeked at you.

“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, voice laced with sleep. You noticed how easily the endearment rolled off his tongue even with no one around to convince.

“I—the gift you got me,” your fingers fidgeted with the small cherry blossom on the necklace. “I hope it didn’t cost too much. You can return it once we break up if you need to.”

“Y/N, that gift is for you. For being such a great… friend. Helping me do this. I really think it’s working.”

“You deserve to be happy Jungkook. I’m glad you were able to get space long enough to work out how you feel, and that you’re working your way to being happier.”

“Yea, I think I’ve been much happier lately...”

You watched his tongue run along his lips, and you couldn’t help but train your eyes on the movement. He caught your eyes, his hands gripped you a bit tighter as the tension in the dark room grew.

“...much happier...”

You weren’t sure who moved first, you or Jungkook, but at that point, it didn’t really matter. The way your lips sought his, the way his hands pulled you closer, the two of you were acting on instinct. This kiss wasn’t for practice or for show, who was to know what happened here, in this room tonight, but the two of you?

You let out a moan as he dipped his head lower, tracing kisses from your neck to what was exposed of your collarbone. His touch is impatient, tugging and kneading, unable to stay still on your body. His scent alone, a musky vanilla scent, engulfed your senses and you wanted… more.

You threw your leg over his body, turning the two of you until you’re straddled on top of him, able to press your core down onto his very firm cock. His boxers and your sleep shorts are the only things holding it back from assaulting you, and you’re annoyed that they’re in the way. Reaching down, you slide your hand roughly into the waistline of the boxers, fingers gripping him.

Jungkook groaned into your neck, the feel of your hand as you palm him building the craving he had for you. He wanted you. Not just physically. But you had those stupid rules, and he couldn’t just break them. He respected you more than that, and falling in love with you? Well that wasn’t part of the plan.

Jungkook slows the way he’s kissing you, slows the way he was thrusting into your hand and pushes you gently off of him and back to your side of the bed. You’re both panting, barely able to catch your breath as he pulled your back to his chest and held you close.

“We’ve got a long trip tomorrow morning to Busan, babe. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Oh… okay?” You were so confused. You had never been turned down before, especially not when you were so far into the act, practically ready to pull your panties to the side and ease him into you. You were throbbing, body aching with want, and you knew he was too; could feel the hardness as it nestled in the dip between your cheeks.

You felt him kiss your head, followed by a soft double peck to your neck, and not 10 minutes later his breathing slowed as he drifted off to sleep. 

You, on the other hand, laid awake, thoughts running wild.

——

Christmas morning you had an early breakfast with your family before opening stockings. Your parents had only a couple of weeks to prepare for Jungkook, but they had prepared a stocking for him as well; your mom embroidering his name onto it and stuffing it full to the brim. 

You were surprised at the gifts; a couple boxes of polaroid film, a bag of banana kick chips, individually packaged egg snacks, and colorful candy canes. Yours were similar as well, a small collection of sewing items for designing, and your favorite snacks. Your mom ruffled Jungkook’s sleepy-head hair as he offered his thanks to your parents, and you couldn’t help but feel your heart swoon at the sight. You realized something heartbreaking at that moment: breaking up with Jungkook once this was over would hurt more than just you. 

Heading to Jungkook’s parents house was a different experience after the previous night. Yuna had obviously stayed with your parents, and would be catching the train back the same day you left Busan. 

This was the first time the two of you had been alone since the rejection the night before, and you were doing your best to ignore the hurt feeling that would bloom every time you caught yourself dwelling on it. You focused on your phone instead, posting a few photos on Instagram so that you were sticking to your end of the deal. Somin would see these posts some way or another, and it would hopefully do what it was intended to.

Jungkook didn’t seem to think twice about the rejection, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and treating you like you were really together, a true couple going to meet his parents for the first time. 

“Nervous?”

“A little. I’ll be meeting your parents, and we’re not really together,” you looked down at your hands, missing the way Jungkook’s face fell for a few seconds before working it’s way back to a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“I think we’re together enough where it counts. No one watching us would doubt it,” he intertwined your fingers and gave it an encouraging squeeze, “sometimes even I forget you’re not my real girlfriend.” He laughed, and the sound leaves an ache in your chest.

“Same, haha...” You looked out the window of the KTX, ready to breathe the fresh air of the nearby sea. Jungkook released your hand and you both went back to your tasks, Jungkook reading emails and you sketching designs for work.

Jungkook’s parents treated you much like yours had treated Jungkook. Like you were the greatest thing to happen to their child.

“Y/N, you’re so pretty! Oh, thank heavens, we have a chance at cute grandchildren now.” Jungkook’s mom bowed her head in thanks to a higher power, and you couldn’t help feeling a little bad that you weren’t actually dating Jungkook. You would have liked to deserve the praise she was giving you.

“He looks so much happier, happier than we’ve seen him in a long time.” She smiled at his father and their eyes, so similar to their two sons, crinkled in the corners. JungHyun greeted you with a hug, and you reciprocated it.

“Hi, Oppa,” you teased, and Jungkook glared at you. 

“Yah! That’s Jeon JungHyun to you,” he leaned closer to your ear in a mock whisper, “only I get called Oppa.”

JungHyun cringed back in mock disgust.

“I do not need to know about your ‘Oppa kink’ in the bedroom.” He shivered as he walked back to the living room, where he put away his laptop to make space for gifts.

Their dad, who you were very glad had not heard his eldest son’s comment, gestured to you to leave your suitcases in the entryway and come sit down.

“Kookie, pass out the gifts please. Your mom has been waiting all morning in excitement for you two to get here. We can have lunch after you guys get situated.”

Jungkook, ever the dutiful youngest son, began to distribute gifts amongst you all, while you handed your own gifts that you had gotten for his family out to them. 

“You didn’t have to get them anything,” Jungkook whispered as he dropped a gift off for you from his own parents.

You gave him a pointed look, gesturing subtly to the gift.

“I did.”

He shook his head with a smile and continued until the space under the tree was empty.

“So, we just open them all at the same time! Save your thanks for the end, ready?” His dad looked at you, and you nodded.

“Let’s get it!” Jungkook shouted, and everyone laughed at his phrase as you began to open your gifts. You didn’t have many, one from his parents and JungHyun, and 2 from Jungkook. His family had given you a Pantone Color Swatch book that was easy to carry around, to help while on set working. It was very thoughtful, and you knew it could not have been cheap. You bowed deeply, on your knees and forehead to their floor as a show of your gratitude and respect.

They motioned for you to sit back up, waving off your thanks as if it was no big deal for them to get this gift for you. You turned to Jungkook’s gift, eyes already threatening tears at their sincere treatment of you, and once opened, you did cry.

Nestled inside a satin lined box was a beautiful set of Dwikkoji, traditional hair pins, that came with a small card identifying them as from the Joseon era.

“Jungkook!” you gasped, sure that they couldn’t be real.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t have to pay for them. But they would look much better displayed in your office as our head fashionista then collecting dust in storage.”

You couldn’t hold back your feelings any longer. Acting on instinct, you tugged him towards you, wrapping your arms under his own and around his frame as you let your tears fall.

“They’re beautiful, Kookie.” 

Jungkook reciprocated your embrace, his hand smoothing down your hair as his parents smiled at the scene in front of them.

“Ah, young love, remember when that was us?”

—

Unlike your parents, who wanted to pretend that the two of you were a modest young couple, Jungkook’s parents assumed that the two of you would room together. His dad had clapped him on his shoulder and congratulated him on bringing home such a fine woman. Apparently in the two weeks that JungHyun had been home, he had raved about you to his parents, showing pictures from your social media accounts of the two of you together, as well as your fashion talent. Jungkook too had talked on the phone to his parents, you came to find out, which was why his parents were so enthralled by you, despite only dating Jungkook for a short time.

Lunch was fun. Spending time with the Jeons was full of laughter. His family was like him, generous and kind hearted, and you enjoyed spending time with his mom in the kitchen making cookies for dessert.

That night you went out for a drive to look at Christmas lights, before you all stopped off at the town center where they had outdoor ice skating set up. Jungkook had his camera with the new personalized strap you made him (yay fashion classes!) around his neck, taking photos of you and his family as you glided across the frozen water. You spent an hour there before heading home to warm up with hot cocoa and Christmas movies. You found out that this was their tradition every year, and it made you happy to know they wanted to share it with you. Even if it was only for this one Christmas.

Having showered first, you traveled down the hall to get water from the kitchen while you waited for Jungkook to finish his. His family had a one level house; His parents’ room was located on one side of the living room and kitchen, while Jungkook and his brother’s room was on the other side. 

You heard his parents talking at the table and you slowed down, resting the back of your head on the wall as you heard them say your name.

“Oh, honey, Y/N is so darling! I haven’t seen him this happy in years.”

“He looks so in love with her.”

“Well, remember, he used to have the biggest crush on her.”

“But that was years ago. They were what, 20? And somehow he chose Somin?”

“Sometimes, people aren't ready. Now, they’re older. Better chances of them working out. Oh, honey, I hope they work out. She would be such a cute daughter in law.”

“I know, but don’t pressure them. Let them realize how in love with each other they are on their own.”

“Do you think she loves him too?”

“I don’t have a single doubt in my mind. I saw the way they were together.They’re in love, whether they realize it or not.”

“Ahh, so we could have grandchildren soon? JungHyun seems like he’s never going to settle down... ”

“Aish, grandchildren? I’m too young to be a grandpa!”

Instead of interrupting them, you headed back to his room, mind racing with their words. Jungkook had a crush on you? They thought the two of you were in love? Daughter in law? Jungkook chose that moment to come into the room, towel wrapped low around his waist as he checked his phone and you couldn’t look away.

“You’re starting to drool there, babe.”

You swallowed and looked away, grabbing your hair and running your fingers through it to put it into a bun on your head.

“I just uh—I wanted to talk to you about the contract.”

Jungkook, who was facing his dresser where his suitcase was opened up, froze. His eyes sought yours in the mirror, his reflection giving away nothing.

“Oh? What, uh, what about it?”

“Well, our parents seem to like us together, I mean, they’re talking about grandkids, and well, I would hate to break up so soon after having met them. I know this was only supposed to go on until you figured out what to do about Somin, but if it’s alright with you,” you look away, twisting your fingers in nervousness, “I would like for us to continue to date.”

Jungkook’s mind was racing. He understood what you meant. Your parents seemed to love him, discussing future visits for the holidays and his family had been no different. And thinking about ending the contract? Well, he had already been thinking about doing that. So he could date you, for real. Somin texted him while he was in the shower, upset about missing Christmas with his family. Jungkook thought that it would bother him, his first holiday without her, but he realized he couldn’t care less. 

Somin treated him like a prize to be toted around and shown off. He was good for bragging; his face, body, high paying job, it all granted her status. She had no ambition to grow within the company, still a one act manager after graduating as an interning manager’s assistant. But you? God, you were different. You had ambition, you didn’t care about what Jungkook could provide for you, and you listened to him, to his dreams. You were thoughtful, appreciative, and everything you had done was to help him be happy. Even fake dating, while it benefitted you as well, you had gone above and beyond for him.

You stood up, walking closer to him where he was lost in his thoughts.

“Jungkook?” you intoned, your fingers softly settling on the back of his shoulder, waiting for his response.

“I think, yeah. I think that would be a good idea. My parents and brother love you.”

Your heart soared. He wanted to continue this. Not go back to Somin right away. He barely brought her up this whole trip. You felt giddy, hopeful that maybe one day, this could be something more.

“So then, it’s settled.”

Jungkook turned around, catching your hand before you could drop it back to your side.

“I think we should reexamine that contract, but tonight, I’d really like to say fuck it.”

Jungkook stepped into your space, and in a heart’s beat, he had ensnared your lips, his arms pulling you closer to him. Your own arms snaked up his body, hands pulling his head closer to you, your fingers playing with the wet strands at his nape. His kisses were fervent, lips almost rough as he pressed them to yours before he was swiping his tongue across the opening of your mouth, seeking entrance. 

You groaned as you arched your back, seeking to deepen the kiss as you pressed higher on your tiptoes, wanting more of him. His palm skimmed your back down to your butt, where he applied pressure and lifted you with brute strength. You pulled away with a gasp, not expecting to be lifted up. He just looked at you with pupils blown, one eyebrow raised suggestively as he carried you to his bed.

“I think we should practice making ‘grandchildren’ for them.”

He set you down, long enough to grip the hem of your shirt before he pulled it over your head. His eyes moved to your chest, and he closed his eyes as he sighed in defeat.

“You’ve been keeping this from me?”

“You’ve seen me naked before,” you remind him, but he just shook his head.

“Years ago, Y/N, and let me tell you, my memory didn’t do you justice. I think I need a reminder.”

You throw him a suggestive look, knowing that you’ve both had some experience with sex since your shared first time all those years ago. This time, there was no fumbling, no nervous laughter, or apologizing. This time, Jungkook was in command of his body, and of yours too. He rid you of your shorts, leaving you naked on his sheets as he dropped his towel. 

You marveled at how his body had changed: the muscle gained and the chiseled jaw you loved to admire. Jungkook bit his lip and did the same to you, eyes roving along your curves, the way you weren’t shying away from his touch as his fingers trailed up your thigh.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond, as Jungkook kissed you again, this time with less fervor, his body crawling above yours as he joined you on the bed. His hands touched you everywhere, fondling your breasts and your ass as he kissed down your neck, nipping the skin and leaving marks along your neck. You feel the ache as your wetness pools between your legs, and Jungkook’s growing member sits heavy where it’s pressed against your thigh. 

“Jungkook, please—”

He nips a bit harder, the sound of you begging for him made him infinitely larger. He wanted to be in you, but he didn’t want to rush it, wanted to savor you for as long as he had you under him. Kissing down your body, his tongue leaves a cool, wet trail and you writhe, ticklish to his tongues path to your core. 

Parting your legs wider, he smirked at you from where he's sat on his knees, your thighs on either side of his gloriously naked body. Leaning forward, he never breaks eye contact as you watch his lips meet your mound. Gentle kisses pressed to your lips, and then his tongue is parting them, flicking your clit in greeting. Your head is thrown back, you know you should be quieter, but the onslaught of his lips and tongue as they pleasure your sweet spot has you reduced to base instincts only. And right now, they want Jungkook to know that he had better not stop.

You rolled your hips, seeking more, and he gives in, thick fingers immersing themselves inside of you. You clench, walls shocked at the intrusion but welcoming it all the same. He felt so good, and you tell him as much, so he continued to finger fuck you as he lapped up your release, carrying you through your orgasm.

He was so hard, cock throbbing as he kissed back up your body, and after spitting into your hand, you reached down to stroke along his shaft, palm twisting and gliding as he nuzzled his face back into your neck, quiet little moans rolling out of his mouth with each stroke. You made him feel so good, your body warm and soft as your smaller hand stroked his larger ego, in more ways than one.

Without preamble, you positioned him at your opening and lifted your hips, allowing him to feel how warm your walls were, waiting for him. He pushed up on his palms on either side of your head and the look he gave you was indecipherable before your own eyes shut; he engulfed his cock in the swollen velvet that was your cunt, buried to the hilt.

He had tried his best to prepare you, but every glorious inch stretching you out was a breath you needed to take in order to grow accustomed to his size. You counted nine breaths, then opened your eyes, taking in the trembling of his arms as he held himself back from pounding into you.

“Move, Kook, please,” you whine, and he wasted no time following your orders.

His hips grinded into you as he rolled them, angling himself to take you as deep as humanly possible. His pace started off fast, but soon he was slowing down, head dropped into the crook of your neck as your nails dragged red marks down his back. You rocked your hips in time to his thrusts, using your grip on his back as leverage to meet him halfway. 

“You feel so good, so wet for me,” he murmured with each thrust, and you bit his shoulder, afraid if you didn’t gag yourself, you would say the wrong thing.

Everything about you enveloped him, your scent, your arms and thighs that were holding him close; he could barely think straight as he tried to get you to cum again before he got himself off. But you felt so good, tight clenches as your arousal gushed and coated his cock, he didn’t know how much longer he could last. Then you bit his shoulder, and he sped up his stroke, hips rolled in fast succession as your body jostled underneath him.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m so close baby,” you mewl into his ear, and he lifted his head up out of your neck, resting his forehead on yours. 

“I want to watch you, don’t close your eyes,” he pleads and you try your best to keep them open, not closing them for long as the coil builds in your lower abdomen. He adjusted your bodies, lifted your legs up slightly which allowed him a deeper angle that hits your g-spot. Your mouth hangs open, a fucked out expression on your face and Jungkook loses it.

The first spurt of his hot cum sends you over the edge, and you're spiraling down, pussy contracting around his cock, milking him for every drop. You maintain eye contact, watching each other for a few seconds before you can’t help but close them, the pleasure too great.

Jungkook pressed his lips to yours as you both cum, using them to cage in the words he wanted to say, wanted to shout from the rooftops, but wasn’t yet sure you felt the same way.

——

Waking up in Jungkook’s arms, you felt sore. So sore, but also satisfied. You hadn’t slept this well in ages, and if Jungkook’s deep slumber and dead weight arm draped over your waist was anything to go by, he hadn’t either. You moved his arm slowly, headed for the shower, and let out a small gasp as JungHyun also exited his bedroom at the same time.

“Well, don’t you look... rested,” he trailed off, a look of knowing on his face.

Your face burned in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, as soon as I heard little brother start to get a little… feral, I turned up my TV while I gamed. Parents didn’t hear a peep.”

“Thank you, oppa.” You bowed, gratitude seeping out of each of your pores.

“Now, those marks on the other hand,” he gestured to your neck, “might I suggest an ice pack for 20 minutes and then some really good makeup?”

You hurried into the bathroom as he laughed his way towards the kitchen. A minute later he knocked, passing you a small ice-pack through the cracked door.

“20 minutes,” he reminded you with a wink, and went back into his room with his cereal.

—

Saying goodbye to Jungkook’s parents after a late breakfast was tough. His mom cried, saying her baby son did not visit enough and that she would miss him. She also said she would miss you greatly, and that you better come back with him soon to visit.

It was tough to promise her that you would, knowing that there was a very real chance that you wouldn’t. This was fake after all. You had just agreed to extend the contract briefly, to get through the holidays and while Jungkook said ‘fuck it’ last night, with the rising of the sun came the clarity of the situation. 

Jungkook behaved much the same, holding your hand and showering you with PDA, and while you reciprocated, you couldn’t help but feel like the magic of Christmas was over. Heading back to Seoul meant back to reality. You weren’t sure you were ready for that. For the first time in your life, you felt like you could see a future with someone, with him, despite the relationship being fake thus far. To be honest, it hadn’t felt fake since the night of the party. 

The entire trip, all 3 and a half hours of it, you ruminated on last night and what it meant. You hated to admit that you had fallen for Jungkook, and had given up rule number 7 on a whim. For all you knew, he would be going back to Somin at the end of this. 

In his own little world, Jungkook too couldn’t stop thinking about you and what last night meant. He wished he had said to forget the contract all together, instead of just for the night. He wanted to see if you felt the same way, but he wanted to be sure that his Somin chapter was done. He needed to see her and make sure he was over her, and not just using you as a rebound. You didn’t deserve that.

Jungkook’s body language had you on edge, as his foot tapped incessantly as the train got closer and closer to Seoul. You placed your hand on his knee, a reassuring move for both of you. 

“Jungkook, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just—Somin messaged me.” He had been thinking about it the whole trip back to Seoul, about how her messages didn’t affect him anymore. Before, he could barely go a few minutes before responding. Now, almost 18 hours had passed and he wasn’t bothered.

“When?” Your voice came out sharper than intended, and Jungkook flinched back from you.

“Uh, last night, right after I got out of the shower.”

Your brain began to connect dots that you didn’t want it to.

“Oh,” you respond, trying to keep your voice light. Jungkook was confused at your reaction; usually you were jumping to keep him and Somin apart. This response felt like you didn’t care, like if he met up with Somin, it wouldn’t impact you at all.

“She just… I think that you’re right. The plan is working and I’ve been happier than I’ve been in a long time. But I guess there’s that part of me that needs to talk with her, express how I feel. I want to be sure.” Before I confess my feelings to you, he thought.

“Right. Well, that was the goal, getting you to figure out what you want.” You turned your head away from him and deeper into the neck pillow, trying to get this conversation done and over with before he said something that really broke your heart.

“I know. I guess I’ll meet up with her when we get back? The sooner the better I guess.”

“True, the faster you meet with her, figure it all out, the faster we can move towards breaking up.”

Jungkook freezes, but you don’t notice, too focused on not looking at him.

“At breaking up?”

“Yea, that was the plan right? We date for a couple more weeks, then break up, so you can get back with Somin, if she’s changed, you know?”

“You—”

“Hey Jungkook? I’m really tired, can we talk about this later?”

Jungkook stared at your form, taking in how closed off you were from him. He didn’t understand what changed. He sat back, finally replying to Somin’s text, agreeing to meet at a cafe by his apartment later that evening.

—

Jungkook saw you home, worried the entire ride to your place about what was happening between the two of you. He thought everything had been going well, and after last night, he didn’t know how he could have possibly fucked up. He hoped you were just PMS-ing, like Somin used to always blame moods like this on. 

You let him carry your suitcase upstairs to your apartment and when he leaned in for a kiss, you kissed him back, but he felt it was almost out of obligation; your sister was sitting on the couch watching the two of you. Jungkook paused at your door, but you had turned away from him, so ready to be alone. So he let you close the door in his face, let you have time to yourself.

Jungkook got to the cafe, eyes searching for the long black hair of his ex. When he approached her she smiled at him. Jungkook saw the way her face lit up, the way the smile graced her pretty face, and felt nothing for it. Sitting down, a cafe worker took their drink order and left them alone.

“So, you said you wanted to talk?” Jungkook asked, fidgeting with his fingers drumming on his knee.

“Kookie, I miss you.” Somin leaned toward him, chest pushed out in her off the shoulder zebra print dress. Her black heel nudged against Jungkook’s leg, rubbing it suggestively.

Jungkook moved his leg out of reach and sighed.

“Somin—”

“Minnie.” She pouted, red painted bottom lip jutting out after she cut him off to correct her name.

“Somin. I—I’m sorry.” Jungkook felt awkward. Here he was, sitting in front of his ex, who was undoubtedly a gorgeous woman. But after all they had been through—all she put him through—and all the healing you had done to his heart, he realized he had fallen out of love with her a long time ago. “I know you had hopes of us getting back together.”

“Well, of course we’re getting back together Kookie. We’re made for each other. Since we were 20! I know this thing with Y/N is just revenge. You wanted to make me mad, teach me a lesson,” she said as she reached out and grabbed Jungkook’s hand in hers, “and I have learned it. Christmas without you was so sad. I had no one to go out to all the holiday parties with.”

Jungkook shifted in the metal chair. “Look, Somin—”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she interrupted again, and Jungkook let out a loud sigh as he tried to maintain his cool.

“Because, I’m trying to tell you that I—”

“Jungkook! Somin!”

The loud yell of the barista reading out orders cut Jungkook off for the third time, and he groaned, running his tattooed hand over his face. With a huff, he stood up, walking through the crowded cafe to get the drinks so he could just tell Somin the truth; he may have initially wanted to teach her a lesson, but he ended up being the person who learned something from it. He was in love with you; wanted to spend more holidays like the one that just passed, with you. He truly didn’t feel anything for Somin anymore, other than friendship.

While Jungkook was up, Somin noticed his bag was open, a fancy camera strap hanging out of it. It was embroidered; the phrase ‘you shine brighter than anyone’ apparent once she pulled it free from his oversized black backpack. Somin threw a glance over her shoulder at Jungkook, seeing him still busy, so she stuffed the strap into her purse. Grabbing her phone, she sent a text to Taehyung.

Jungkook set down the drinks before sitting down himself and commanding the attention of his ex. 

“Look, Somin, I just—I’m sorry.” Jungkook looked down at his hands before making eye contact with her. “I don’t see us getting back together. I—” he paused, taking a deep breath before he spoke his truth, “I’m in love with her, Minie. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I want to be happy. I want you to be happy with someone who feels about you, how I feel about her.”

Somin stared at Jungkook before she laughed. He was unsure of the emotions she was actually feeling; perplexed by her reaction to what he just told her. He didn't want to be with her anymore, and he wasn’t looking for her to beg, but he expected a little more... sadness? Push back? Once she was done laughing, she leveled her gaze at him.

“You, you’ve barely been seeing her Jungkook. How can you love her?”

Jungkook took a sip of his drink, gathering his thoughts before he answered her. The judgement that laced her tone made him angry, but he didn’t want to give Somin the upper hand. He wanted to be an adult about the situation. In retrospect, he hadn’t been honest with Somin when she first confessed to him, and you deserved for him to share that honesty now, even if it was coming 5 years later.

“I think—I think a part of me has always loved her. Since that first year. Don’t get me wrong, I think I loved you too and at some point we just… I think we just broke up and then made up too many times because it was easy… familiar. I love you Minie, and you were a huge part of my life. I’m just not IN love with you.” Jungkook leaned forward towards Somin, placing his hand over here, hoping that she would see and feel his sincerity and his benevolence. 

“Wow, I—You’re serious?” Somin’s voice was quiet as she questioned him. “I guess I didn’t think I’d be starting the new year without you.”

Jungkook watched as she slid her hand out from under his and placed it in her lap.

“Please, be happy for me Minie, and when you’re ready, I’ll be happy for you too.”

The loud chime from Somin’s phone went off. Jungkook watched as she looked at her screen, eyes growing wide.

“Shit, an emergency with Tae.” Somin looked up at Jungkook, her face soft and apologetic.

“Koo—I mean Jungkook, I was just surprised is all. I—I am happy for you and Y/N. Or, I guess it’s more like, I will be. I’m sorry, I have to run, but thank you for meeting with me.”

Somin gave him one last smile, as if showing she was throwing the towel in, before she stood up and left the cafe in a hurry. Jungkook watched her as she dashed off, disappearing down the sidewalk towards the nearest bus stop. He thought the meeting had gone well, or at least better than expected. Maybe Somin has grown up, he thought to himself, unaware of the way she made off cunningly with his gifted camera strap, using a text that confirmed the time for the next morning’s meeting with Taehyung as an excuse to escape.

——

After closing the door in Jungkook’s face, you retreated to your room, claiming that a headache was creeping in from the long train ride. Your sister nodded, engrossed in her latest K Drama. You rolled your suitcase into your room, stripped your travel clothes from your weary body, and entered your shower. 

Free to do as you pleased, with the water to cover the sound, you wept. How foolish you felt, letting Jungkook close to you once again, only to see him rush off to Somin. It was almost like what happened 5 years ago, when you had gone to his dorm room and found her confessing. Just like then, Somin was winning Jungkook; once again he had slipped through your grasp.

That night you texted Jungkook to tell him you would be going to the office early and that he needn’t pick you up.

Jungkook was relieved upon seeing your text. He had spent the better half of the evening and the morning tearing apart his apartment. He had called his parents, his brother, and overturned his luggage onto the floor. He could not find the camera strap you made him. 

He knew that he shouldn’t have taken it off the camera, but he spilled a bit of leftovers from his mom on it while on the train and removed it to make it easier to clean once he got home. 

Unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found. 

Jungkook was frantic; he knew that you made it for him that night you sat in the sewing room with your mom and sister while he was with your dad. Your mom had an embroidery machine, and so you snuck in there under the premise of bonding time and worked on it. He loved the phrase you chose for him; it reminded him of your love letter to him, the way you had written about him making you feel as beautiful as a night sky. “you looked at me as if the galaxies were reflected in my eyes...”

Dumping out his black backpack for the umpteenth time, Jungkook sifted through notebooks, film, wrappers from snacks, a small hygiene bag, and loose photos. He doesn’t know why he continued looking through the same places. It’s not there. Glancing at the clock, he realized he would be late to the Monday morning meeting. Giving up and putting everything he needed back into his bookbag, he stepped over the mess and headed out to his car.

Walking into the conference room, everyone looked tired from their holidays, but with the New Year around the corner, it was important for everyone to attend before January. SeoulM8’s comeback was fast approaching, and making sure everything was moving smoothly was imperative to whether the next holiday was spent relaxing or spent stressed out. 

Stirring your coffee, you walked through the propped open door and maneuvered your way over to where your assistants sat. Kim, the same one who brought you the tiger lillies several weeks ago, smiled at you as she slid you the stapled packet she printed out from the email.

“I think we’ve done all our parts, the photos Jeon emailed over have been approved by the boss, and we double-checked the designers they are wearing. I think all that’s left is to get final approval on the outfits for their comeback shows and interviews during comeback week.” 

You nodded, sipping the still hot coffee as Kim spoke quietly about the role you played for SeoulM8, eyes on the printed email. It didn’t help the way you could feel the mocha eyes of a certain ‘missing in action’ best friend burning into the side of your face; or the way the empty seat across from you saved for a certain ‘boyfriend’ of yours had your anxiety on edge.

With 5 minutes left until the meeting commenced, you had done a pretty good job at tuning out all of the mindless chatter around you, that is until Somin’s nasally voice interrupted your response to Kim.

“Oh, this? It’s just a little gift for JK.”

“But you broke up? He’s with Y/N now...” Hobi said, cutting off a reply from one of the assistants sitting near Somin.

“But we dated for 5 years, he’s still important to me. I think he’ll love it.” She turned her back to Hobi, who tried to make eye contact with you. You looked down at your coffee instead.

When Jimin and Taehyung walked into the room, everyone quieted down and took their seats if they weren’t already, assuming Bang PD, the head boss, would be quickly approaching behind them. Before the glass door could swing fully shut, Jungkook sprinted into the room, out of breath.

“Oh Jungkook, here!” Somin stood up, making a big show out of handing him the small gift bag that had been on the table in front of her. 

“Oh? Uh, thanks Minie.” Jungkook said, looking for the head boss. Bang PD was still missing from the room, so he grasped the colorful tissue paper from the bag and removed it in one swift pull. As the paper fluttered to the table, Jungkook’s eyes lit up as he took in the present.

“Oh my God, thank you!” Jungkook wrapped his arms around Somin in a huge hug, surprising everyone in the room watching, including you. Despite all of your negative thoughts about you and Jungkook’s future, seeing him react that way was unexpected and you felt your heart ache seeing him hold her in an embrace.

Sitting down, Jungkook turns to talk to Somin when you notice Bang PD walking down the long hallway towards the closed glass doors. 

You turned to the front of the room where SeoulM8 was seated next to the only empty chair in the room, fully intending to pay attention, but Jungkook’s movements directly across from you pulled your attention away. When you see the embroidered strap that YOU had given to him for Christmas a mere 2 days ago slide free from the bag, you see red. Before Bang PD can enter the room, you’ve already stood up. 

Both Namjoon and Jungkook look at you, followed by everyone else’s gaze; it’s too late to hide the tears that fall down your face. 

“Y/N, I can explain—” Jungkook said as you make your way around the table toward the door. He grabbed your wrist to stop you, but you pulled it from his grasp.

“Save it, Jeon. It’s over.”

You leave the meeting, walking brusquely past your boss with your head down. You type out a quick text to him as you take the elevator down, apologizing for leaving and saying that an emergency came up. Bang PD responds within a few moments.

Back in the conference room, Jungkook attempted to call you, but you sent him to voicemail twice. Giving up, he grabbed his bag, fully planning to follow you, when he saw Namjoon stand before he could. Throwing a dirty look at Jungkook, Namjoon shook his head at him before quickly following you out the door. 

You haven’t gone far, making it only to your office where you gathered up the rest of your belongings when Namjoon burst in.

“Y/N,” he sounded a little out of breath, probably from running to the elevator and then to your office, you assumed, “I—”

“Save it, Joon. You didn’t want to talk to me these past few weeks, so I don’t know why you’re here now.”

“Because I realized I love you.”

You stopped packing up your laptop, eyes slowly moving to meet his.

“What did you say?”

“I said I love you. I didn’t realize it until you started dating Jungkook, but I do.”

You shook your head back and forth, unable to hear or deal with his feelings right now.

“No, Namjoon, you don’t. You just miss Jennie.”

“Y/N, listen, I should’ve realized it was you. It’s always been you. You can’t honestly tell me that you’re in love with Jungkook?” Namjoon said this last part with contempt.

Tears fell once again, and you dropped your hands uselessly to your side.

“I do, Namjoon. I honestly love him.”

“Well, I hate to say I told you so, but-”

“Then don’t,” you voiced, cutting him off with an edge to your voice.

“You and Jungkook? Please. Anyone can see how different you are. You and me, though? We’re better for each other.”

“How different we are? Why? Am I too out of his league? Not pretty enough?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, and you know it. You guys just aren’t compatible—”

“And how the fuck would you even know?! You saw us together at what? One party? And then at work? What do you even know about our relationship, Joon?! You’ve been angry at me ever since you found out!”

“Because you and him together isn’t right! It’s supposed to be you and me!”

“Oh please, Namjoon. If Jennie hadn’t taken that Japan job and dumped you, you wouldn’t even be here right now. I wouldn’t have even crossed your mind. This is a pointless conversation.”

You walked towards the door, bag over your shoulder and laptop case in hand. Namjoon blocked the doorway, and behind him you could see nosey coworkers watching the interaction. 

“Move, Namjoon.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“No,” you go to shoulder past him, and you were able to back him up into the common area outside of your office. He grabbed at your shoulders, holding you still. 

“Namjoon, let go of me!” At this moment you hated that you had dressed up for this meeting; a tight a-line pencil skirt and heels that don’t allow you the movement that you needed.

Before you can shimmy from his clutches, he’s leaning forward, his lips meeting yours in a kiss. In shock, you don’t move at first, not until your free hand shoved his shoulder and pushed him a step back.

“I can’t believe you.” 

The look you gave him could burn the sun, and this time you were able to push past him; the elevator getting closer and closer as you approached. You saw Jungkook, motionless, at the platform in front of the elevators; his eyes low in a glare aimed at Namjoon, who had followed you in your haste to escape.

“Hyung, you need to leave her alone.”

“Me? I’m her best friend. I would say you were her boyfriend, but we all heard her break up with you when she left the room crying.”

“That was just a misunderstanding. So like I said, leave her alone.” Jungkook stepped forward to his full height, chest to chest with his hyung, who prior to watching him force a kiss on you, he respected a lot. The tension on the floor was thick. You were mere steps from freedom, from Namjoon and Jungkook, when his words stopped you dead in your tracks. A misunderstanding? 

Did he not understand what the words ‘It’s over’ meant? That the contract, the relationship between the two of you, however real or fake, everything was null and void? 

“It wasn’t a misunderstanding, Jungkook.”

Big, confused, doe eyes turned to face you. “Y/N, please let’s just talk about th—”

“Why don’t you take your own advice and listen to her, Kook. You could never treat her how she deserves.” 

“Why don’t you go mind your own business Namjoon.” Jungkook bit back, fists clenched as he shook, holding back his anger. He just wanted to be alone to talk to you, but Namjoon was making it difficult.

“She is my business, she’s my best friend. She’s nothing to you now. Though, knowing you, that’s probably the reason she broke up with you. I bet you didn’t treat Somin right, and now you fucked up with Y/N. Can’t do anything right, can yo—”

Jungkook’s fist flew through the air before you could tell either of them to stop talking about what they don’t know. The sound of Namjoon’s jaw connecting to his fist echoed through the large room, and the crowd of bystanders yelled out in shock at watching a full on fight start in the building.

You yelled as Namjoon tackled Jungkook around his middle, tackling him to the ground before he reared back his fist to punch him back. 

“Namjoon, stop, STOP!” you yelled as Jungkook flipped Namjoon onto his back, swapping places as he took the liberty to return the blow. Putting down your laptop and bag haphazardly, you rushed closer. Leaning down, you grabbed at Jungkook’s arm that was cocked back to throw another punch, yelling his name frantically.

“Jungkook, Kookie, PLEASE STOP!”

The two men looked at your face, their chests rising and falling rapidly as they tried to catch their breath. Jungkook’s eyes were dilated. As he took in your state, he seemed to come back to his senses. He started to climb up off of where he straddled Namjoon, pinning him to the floor, his hand reaching up towards you from where he was kneeled on the ground.

“Y/N, I’m sorry baby, please just talk to me.” Jungkook’s bottom lip was split, a small bit of blood leaking from the cut. His cheekbone was red; you knew a bruise would form there. Namjoon too tried to sit up, leaning on his elbow as his split eyebrow spilled his blood down the side of his face. He too would be sporting a shiner for the next week or so. 

You almost reached for Jungkook, returned the gesture to cradle that beautiful face, but you couldn’t. Him fighting Namjoon changed nothing about the fact that Somin had the present you gave him, that she brought it to him as if she had given it to him, let alone the response he gave her when he saw it. Backing away, you almost tripped over your belongings before you thought to collect them, and then dashed into the elevator, leaving the two men bleeding on the floor as the doors shut, cutting off the view.

——

Dealing with the aftermath of the fight was not something you thought would be so difficult to do. 

Working remotely meant not being able to turn off your phone so you didn’t miss any important calls or texts. Unfortunately, it also meant you had to deal with the barrage of texts and calls from friends and co-workers wanting to know about the fight. 

According to Jimin, the only person other than Kim who you were responding to, the whole office heard about the fight. With Jin being Jungkook’s roommate, and of course being the resident gossip, news traveled fast that the two men got into a fist throwing match over you. This only had you double down on avoiding messages, calls, and not posting to social media. It was unlike you; as a fashionista who worked with models and artists like SeoulM8 and Kim Seokjin, people looked to your accounts for updates. 

Your silence was killing Jungkook, the one person who had not given up. Jungkook hated to not give people time, but he had the feeling like the more time you had, the faster you would slip from his fingertips. You stared at your phone, watching his name light up on the screen as a picture of the two of you, set as his contact photo, taunted you with memories. 

All you could do was lay there, curled up on your bed in your pajamas for the second day in a row, hating yourself. Hating the fact that you allowed yourself to break your rules, that you let Jungkook into your heart for a second time, only to watch it all come crashing down because he couldn’t let go of Somin. What did Somin have that you didn’t? How was it that she always won?

5 years ago you lost Jungkook to her, after giving him your virginity, something he knew was a big deal, as he had given his to you in exchange. And now again, you had so foolishly fallen into bed with him again, and he ran back to Somin. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? You were already blaming yourself heavy for this one. 

Another day passed before you finally pulled yourself up out of bed long enough to shower and get dressed in a different set of sweats. A knocking sound at the front door had you tense up. Luckily, your sister answered the door, able to field away anyone who wanted to see you.

Creeping silently to the door of your bedroom, you cracked it open and listened to see who was there. From the angle you could see your sister, but not who was outside, nor could they see you. The warm tone was instantly recognizable, and your eyes widened as your sister looked back at you. Shaking your head profusely, she denied entry and shut the door, walking over to you. You back away from the door, letting her in as you sit on your bed. Crossing your legs, you grabbed a stuffie and clutched it to your chest.

“Hey, can you tell me what happened? Why are you hiding out at home and not answering Jungkook’s calls? What’s going on?”

You sighed, taking a much needed breath before you recounted the whole story. You told her about the journal entries being sent out, about how Namjoon had confronted you leading to you lying and saying you were with Jungkook, who came up with the plan to fake date each other until the Somin and Namjoon issues calmed down for both of you. 

She listened intently, shocked to hear that it was all fake, and she told you as much once you finished sharing about the fight that ensued on Monday.

“Sis, that man loves you. I could see it when he came to the door. I think you should talk to him.”

“No. It’s all my fault all of this happened anyways. If I hadn’t been drunk and sent those messages out, I would have never had to lie to Namjoon and start all of this.”

Yuna squirmed in your computer chair, her mouth twisted as if holding herself back.

“Actually, you didn’t do that.”

“What are you talking about Yuna? I saw the messages. I took the photos the night before because I wanted to upload them to an online journal platform.”

She nodded her head, wringing her fingers in her hand. “I know that, but you didn’t send them… I did.”

You stared at her, anger silently rising as you waited for her to continue. 

“I waited until you got into the shower. You know I read the entry to Namjoon, and so when you got into the shower, I used your phone and sent a message to each guy who’s name was both in the book and in your phone. I wanted you to have someone, instead of always spending your evenings at home, bored.”

“Yuna, you knew that I did not want Namjoon to know, he and Jennie had just... and I was trying to protect him, do you see what this did?!” You threw the plushie at her angrily, standing abruptly.

“I can’t believe you would invade my privacy, you could have ruined my career, if one of those messages had been sent to the wrong person, god damn it Yuna! You’ve ruined my fucking life!”

Yuna was crying, but she set the stuffed bunny back on your bed gently before she got up and headed to leave your room. Pausing at the door, her hand poised on the door knob, she turned back to face you.

“I didn’t ruin your life. You finally had a life. You’re the one running away from it now.”

With those parting words, she left your room, closing the door and leaving you alone with your thoughts.

After Yuna left you, she went to her own room, where she scrolled through social media to find Jungkook. You already blamed her, though she felt like it was misplaced, but she felt like she might as well do something to help fix the situation. Finding Jungkook’s IG account from the photos you tagged him in, she followed him. When he returned the follow, she messaged him to contact her. 

It didn’t take long for him to respond, and she asked him to meet her out somewhere. Agreeing on a local park, Yuna changed her shoes and left you moping in your room, a note on the counter that she was headed out.

Sitting on the bench, it wasn’t hard to spot Jungkook. His tousled black hair peeking from under his black beanie and the familiar black jacket was easy to spot against the white snow that had recently fallen, but like a Seoul snowfall, it wouldn’t stick for long. Carrying a hot cocoa for him and herself, Yuna held it out to him before she sat down, sipping on the warm drink.

“Yuna, I will say I’m surprised you reached out to me.” Jungkook’s usually bright voice was tinged with sadness as he looked over at her.

“I have something to tell you.” Yuna started, and Jungkook’s nerves grew.

“I was the one who sent the journal entry to you. Not my sister.”

“Oh? Okay. Thank you for telling me I guess.” Jungkook took another deep pull from the drink, letting the heat fill his body as he swallowed.

“I mean, I sent it because I didn’t want her to grow old and be alone. Every night, coming home bored to drink wine with her baby sister and watch reruns on Netflix? I wanted her to fall in love. And she did. With you.”

“I don’t think so, Yuna. She wasn’t in love with me.”

“She was; she still is! She told me everything that happened. About how dating you was all fake. But I know it wasn’t. Not for her. And not for you. No one acts the way you two acted. I know my sister; when she told me what happened, I knew that she was hurt because she’s in love with you. Like, still in love with you. She just doesn’t believe you love her back.”

Yuna stared at Jungkook, watching the way her words sank in, waiting to confirm what she already knew: Jungkook was in love with you, too.

Jungkook’s voice was quiet when he finally spoke. “How do I convince her? That I love her back?” 

“I wish I knew Jungkook. I wish I knew. But if you don’t do something soon, I think you’ll lose her.”

——

Friday was New Year’s Eve, and you had to put up with Yuna running around like a lunatic cleaning the apartment to ring in the new year. You had finally resigned yourself to forgiving her for sending the journal entries. It was over and done with, and there was nothing more to do. Monday, you would be back at work like nothing happened, and didn’t want to go into the new year holding onto this year’s anger or sadness.

Yoongi, surprisingly, had reached out to you the day before about a party he was having to ring in the new year, and at first you didn’t want to go, but the longer you thought about it, you figured you should. Why spend the new year at home, where your sister would relentlessly tease you until she left. She had her own plans this year, going to a classmates to drink and watch the fireworks; so if you stayed home, you would be alone.

And you were tired of being alone. Sleeping in, you didn’t get up to join your sister in cleaning until later in the afternoon, going through your closet, bedroom, and bathroom.

You were scrubbing your shower when you heard the doorbell, but your sister, ever the nosey one, yelled that she would get it, so you continued cleaning, forgetting that someone had come to the door by the time you finished cleaning the bathroom. 

When you finally stopped cleaning for the day, it was close to 9 PM, so you decided to get ready for the night out at Yoongi and Hobi’s place. After about an hour and a half, you were dressed, makeup done, and ready for the party. You ventured out of your room, noticing a large blue hatbox on the kitchen counter.

“Yuna! What’s this blue box?” you yelled, and her reply carried from down the hall.

“A delivery, for you, from earlier!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you grumbled, cursing your sibling as you reached to remove the lid off of it. Inside was what looked like a photobook, a beautiful ombre of pinks and purples decorating the cover. Removing it from the box, you flip it open, noticing right away the neat handwriting that could only belong to one person. 

Sighing, you carry it to the couch, where you read the inscription he penned inside. 

“Right at this moment, I think of you.” 

Flipping through the pages, you see he’s created a scrapbook of the past month spent together. Pictures of the two of you at work, the park, each other’s places, and visiting each other’s families. Pictures of you sleeping in his arms, candids where you aren’t even aware of him taking the photos.

Each photo is vibrant, in his style of catching the light just right as it caresses your face, and you’ve never seen yourself look so beautiful. He’s scribbled little notes here and there, of what he noticed or what was happening when he snapped the camera, and you can’t help but blush when you see a photo in there of you after the two of you had sex. 

“I reach out my hand, and feel your breath. With eyes closed, before we know it, we’re together.”

Your fingers trace over the photo, where Jungkook’s face is, looking at you so lovingly as you sleep on his chest, the bed sheets from his childhood bedroom covering you both strategically so nothing indecent shows. 

The last page has a handwritten letter, not unlike the one you wrote for him all those years ago, with a tiger lily pressed inside. You looked up the meaning of the flower earlier in the day when you found the large vase while cleaning. Please love me. With shaky hands, you held the photobook and began to read.

Y/N, 

5 years ago, you thought you were in love. I can tell you with certainty that 5 years later I pray that you are, because I am so in love with you. The way you see me, I don’t think I’ve ever been seen before. My whole life I’ve been behind the camera capturing others. And somehow you have taken the camera from me and now I’m the one being captured and seen. And I love it. You make me feel like I’m not just made up of the same ingredients that make up the stars in the sky, you make me feel like the very galaxy reflected in your eyes when you look at me. You’re beautiful, and I, Jeon Jungkook, am so in love with you. When I say I’ve always loved you, that there is no start, so there can be no end: we are fated—destined; you are mine as much as I am yours. These photos are only a fraction of the way I see you, the many shades that make up who you are, how could I ever capture them all? Please know, I want to spend the rest of time trying. So in case you didn’t see it, or weren’t sure: I love you. I want to be with you. No contracts, just you, wholeheartedly as mine, and me as yours.

——

It was nearing 11 when you reached Yoongi and Hobi’s house, leaving the Uber driver with a confused look at the way you dashed out of his car. You could care less; the man you were in love with was inside that house, right now, and you would be damned to let him get away again.

Pushing through the crowd of bodies, you looked side to side, searching for the familiar black tresses, ears straining to hear his musical laugh or catch someone saying his name. Entering the living room, your eyes fell on the beer pong table, where Jimin and Taehyung were playing against Yoongi and Hobi. 

Destination set on getting to that table, you wade through the throng of people with the obligatory happy new year. Some attempted to stop to ask you how you’ve been, fill you in on the latest office gossip, or inquire about the exact relationship status of Jungkook. Those in the latter category were met with major side-eye. Plastering a fake smile on your face each time, you finally shake the last of them, jogging the last few steps until your right on the edge of the game.

“Y/N! Glad to see you!” Hobi was his typical cheerful self, greeting you with his signature smile as he watched Taehyung try and line up his shot in the cups Yoongi just re-racked.

“Hey Hobi, Happy almost New Year! Have you seen Jungkook?” you asked, skipping straight to the point.

“Um, yea, he came by earlier to drop off a few kegs for us, helped us move the furniture, but he went home. Said he wasn’t really feeling like celebrating.”

Yoongi, who had just grabbed the ping pong balls before they bounced off the table, handed one to Hobi as he gave you a pointed look.

“Yea, looked pretty heartbroken all week, if you ask me.”

“Well, no one did Yoongi. Give her a break,” Hobi answered before turning to you, “he’s probably at home. You can get there before midnight if you get an Uber quick.”

Thanking him, you threw your arms around him and Yoongi in a shared hug before waving to the other two on the far side of the table. You had someplace to be.

Outside in the quiet, you requested an Uber, happy to see one not even 2 minutes away. Thankfully, Jungkook only lived 10 minutes or so from the guys. You hoped traffic would be on your side. You knew you were cutting it close; 11:30 was approaching fast.

The ride to Jungkook’s apartment gave you too much time to think. Those 15 minutes (thanks drunk pedestrians) on the car ride over allowed the nerves to settle in, along with the doubt and fears. What if he didn’t feel that way about you anymore? What if he just wanted to bring you the photobook as a goodbye?

Shaking the thought from your head, you took a deep breath before you climbed out of the car and into the hushed cold of the last day of December. You had never shown up to his place unannounced like this, so used to trailing him into his apartment. The closed door was daunting to you, but you didn’t have much time now.

Knocking louder than you needed to due to those pesky butterflies in your stomach, what feels like an hour is only 10 seconds or so until Jungkook is standing before you. 

“Hi,” you said, breathless from the cold and from the sight of him after so many days apart.

“Hi,” he responded, looking just as mesmerized to see you at his doorstep, “uh, wanna come in?” Jungkook took a step back, giving you space to come in and you stepped forward into the welcomed warmth of his home.

The scene before you is not what you were expecting. Jungkook had been sitting in the dark, a half eaten pizza and a beer bottle on the coffee table, with his favorite blue and grey plaid blanket haphazardly cast aside on the couch; most likely from when he stood to welcome you.

Shucking off your boots, you walked into the living room, Jungkook silently trailing you.

“I—I’ve missed you.” His voice is low, as if afraid he would spook you.

“I’ve missed you too.” You turned to face him, the light from the paused Netflix show reflecting in his beautiful orbs. You took in his face, split lip mostly healed and the bruise faded along his cheek.

“I got your gift.”

“I’m glad.”

The conversation between the two of you was static, neither sure of what to do. The silence ticked on for a few more seconds before you decided to stop being a pussy.

“Did you mean it? What you said?”

“Of course I did.”

“I’m glad,” you repeated his earlier phrase, stepping closer to him. You placed your hands on his chest, solid muscles reacting to your touch as he subconsciously flexed them. “Because I love you, too.”

Rising on your tippy toes, you pressed your lips to his, your body relaxing when you heard the sigh he let out from the contact. His hands pulled you closer, deft fingers gripping you in all the right places as he deepened the kiss. He tasted faintly of pizza and beer, and smelled so strongly of his vanilla musk. You couldn’t believe how much he felt like home to you. Being in his arms felt right. 

Bending slightly, Jungkook wrapped his arms under your thighs and lifted you up, never breaking the kiss. Hoisting you up, he carried you down the hall to his room, foot kicking the door shut behind him. So turned on by his show of strength, you rolled your hips down onto what was his growing length, seeking any friction that would help ease the ache between your thighs. 

Letting out a groan, Jungkook’s hands guided your hips roughly to where he wanted you, lining up your sweet spot so you could grind on him better. Licking into his mouth, your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. A slight tug exposed more of his neck, where you planted markers of your territory as you continued rolling your hips in time to his movements. 

“I want you.” The whispered words went straight to your core; hearing Jungkook’s voice break with need, need for you—you couldn’t get out of your clothes fast enough.

“Bed. Now.” You demand, and he laughs as he follows your directives, setting you down once he approached the edge of his queen sized mattress. You tug your jacket off, tossing it to the foot of his bed before peeling your shirt up over your head to reveal your bra to him. He doesn’t get to look too long; you’ve gripped the waistband of his grey sweatpants and pulled them low enough to free him from it’s confines. His cock sprung free, and, licking your lips, you switch positions with him. 

With his back to the bed, you pushed him down, and he went easily. Pressing your hand to his chest, you lay him back as you bend at the waist, bringing your mouth to his leaking head. You lick the bottom of his shaft up to the slit, collecting the pre-cum with the tip of your tongue before you take the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the sensitive tip. Under your hand, you feel his abdominal muscles contract as he lets out a moan letting you know how good you feel as you take him farther into your mouth. 

Speeding your ministrations, you hollow your cheeks as you slurp around the head, using your hands to massage the dripping spit along the exposed skin you can’t reach. His hands grip your hair creating a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your face so he can watch you. And wow, does he love the sight of your lips wrapped around his cock, innocent eyes blinking coyly up at him while your mouth is stretched around him. Keep it up and he could cum too quickly in your mouth.

When your free hand traveled to his scrotum, he jumped, feeling an overwhelming sense of pleasure as his sack tensed up.

“Wait, baby, I don’t want to cum yet.” Jungkook panted, and you pop off of him with a lewd sound that filled the quiet of his room.

Tugging you towards him, he scooted back on the bed until his head was flush with the headboard. 

“Strip for me,” he urged, and you did, undoing the button on your jeans and sliding them down until you were naked from the waist down. His eyes stared pointedly at your chest and you unclasped your bra, adding it to the growing pile of clothes the two of you had made. Watching as he shed his shirt before laying back fully, kicking his sweats free from his body, you climbed onto the bed, and he directed you farther up his body until he could maneuver your thighs to either side of his face. 

“Jungkook—”

“I’ve wanted you like this for so long, baby, please.”

Giggling softly, you lowered yourself slowly and he wound his arms around your thighs until his palms were wrestling lightly on them. The slow caress as he drew patterns on your skin matched the same pattern he drew with his tongue, you realized once he had you fully seated. Gripping the headboard, you threw your head back, rolling your hips as his lips and tongue ravaged you, the sexual sounds of him eating you out creating more for him to drink down. 

Curving your back to make you hunch forward, you adjust as the pleasure builds and you see his eyes, those bright galaxies staring at you as he pleasured you to climax and you tensed as the coil in your abdomen snapped, a mix of curse words and his name pouring from your lips as he worked you through it.

Placing your hands on his sweat laced forehead, you pushed to try and pull away from the overstimulation as he let out a laugh.

Scooting yourself down his body once he released you, you fell back and to the side of his muscular thighs, trying to catch your breath. You feel him moving, a low chuckle released as his hands grasped your wrists. Pulling you up, you see he’s now seated flush to the headboard, back against the soft grey padding. He guides your hips so that you straddle him, sitting your still sopping wet cunt onto his cock. Pressed against his stomach, he can feel the warmth emanating from your opening, and groaned, wanting to be inside of you.

Pressing his forehead to yours, his eyes meet yours as he intertwines your fingers before resting your interlocked hands behind your back at the curve of your ass.

“I love you.” His voice is strong, sure and confident in the words he says as he bares more than just his body before you. “I wanted you so badly back then, I want you even more now.” He presses a kiss to your lips, causing you to grind down on him. 

He kisses down your neck, hands still holding you in position over him. “Want to be inside of you, baby.” He nips at your neck, making you gasp, and when you rock forward, he’s rocking his hips down. 

The head of his cock presses against your core, and you settle back onto it, walls stretching to accommodate his girth. The two of you move in tandem, lips once again reunited in a raunchy kiss that only serves to turn you on more, sending enough slick between your lower lips to allow him to slip further into you until he’s bottomed out, a snug fit as the tip of his cock kisses your cervix. 

Releasing your hands, his large palms hold your back to pull you closer to him as you swivel your hips, rocking so the shaft slips in and out of you in short bounces. You rock, arms wrapped lazily around his neck as you play with the wet locks of hair as you ride him at your leisure, just enjoying the feel of your bodies connected as one. Chest to chest, you can feel the speed of his heart beat; it matches your own. 

“Can I go faster?” you asked, not wanting to go at a pace he wasn’t comfortable with.

“You can use me however you want, baby,” he replied, eyebrow cocked smugly as he gripped your waist tighter, “but please tell me I can cum inside.”

Nodding as you sped up, you bounced with more friction, his pelvic bone rubbing against your clit as you chased your high, fucking yourself on his formiddable cock.

“That’s it, fuck, baby, right there—” Jungkook’s moans, musical as he egged you on, brought you to your peak for the second time that night. Your walls clenched around him, and as your body froze, he took advantage of the moment to shift your bodies so you were on your back with your head to the foot of the bed. Bracing his feet on edge where his mattress met the headboard, he began to piston his hips into you, chasing his own high.

“Fuck, Jungkook, I’m gonna—again—” You can barely get the words out when your third orgasm is crashing around you, legs shaking from where they’re wrapped tightly around his narrow hips. Your release makes it wetter, and your swollen walls ache to feel his cum fill you.

“Gonna fill you up so good, baby, fuck a—baby into you, fuck, I want to see you carry my—my kid,” Jungkook’s cock is drowning in your essence, and hearing him talk about kids with you causes you to tighten around him, and he’s cumming, long ropes of his hot cum filling you until it’s seeping out around him as he continues to thrust indiscriminately, velvet muscle milking him dry.

Laying skin to skin in his bed, you laugh as the alarm clock numbers alert you to the fact that you had missed the New Year by 38 minutes. 

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook asked, eyes alight as he takes in your smile. 

“We missed New Year’s.”

“We didn’t miss it, we were simply enjoying our New Year’s kiss for longer than most.” He quipped back, fingers tracing patterns along your back. Your own nails were lightly scratching shapes into his chest as you rested your head on his shoulder. You spent the next 20 minutes of the first hour of the new year listening to him explain what happened with the camera strap, though you had already forgiven the incident. 

He wasn’t sure how Somin had the camera strap, though he suspected she stole it from his bag at the cafe. Jungkook told you about the meeting, how it helped him see that you weren’t a rebound; he was in love with you and while it was obvious to him, a part of him wanted to be sure before confessing to you. He didn’t want you to think he was rushing into things to get over his ex. He also apologized for fighting Namjoon, saying he was worried that seeing him fight would change how you viewed him, change his chances of being with you, this time for real.

“I love you, Jungkook, in case you didn’t know.”

“I love you too, in case you didn’t know.” 

“Hmm, but, I think we need to talk about children though, I think it’s a little too soon, despite our parents' ideas.” You giggled, and his cheeks turned red in embarrassment.

“It was just sex talk, we’re still just practicing, okay?”

Stretching, you roll away from his body, and he follows your body heat subconsciously, his body not wanting you far from him after almost a week of radio silence. 

“Hey, get back here, you’re mine.”

“Oh am I?” you teased, staying just out of his reach.

He pouted, accent slipping out as he moved closer to your retreating body.

“Yes, you’re mine, no rules, no contracts; just mine.”

“ ‘m all yours, baby,” you mumbled as you rubbed your nose to his in an eskimo kiss as he gathered you up in his arms, “and you’re mine.”

UPDATE (5.18.21): 1st Prologue is Out Now!

BTW, ily ⟢ summary: Taking place in the To All the Men I’ve Fucked Before (TATMIFB) AU, this pre-story is the backstory to you and Namjoon’s friendship. A year after losing your virginity to Jungkook, you meet Namjoon, who becomes your best friend… and who you want so much more with. Before you and Jungkook get it together in To All the Men I’ve Loved Before, there was BTW, ily.

Thank you all so much for reading! I plan on doing an epilogue and some drabbles to get more insight into the pasts of these characters! I love them so much, I don’t think I am ready to let go. The masterlist will be updated as more are added! TATMIFB Masterlist

↣ all rights reserved © hisunshiine 2021. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

[spicypeak]

[Drama Track] Dangerous Brothers

The drama track begins with EROSION showing up to the studio one by one. Neight is first to arrive and comments that Toxin is usually there before anyone else. Byakuya loudly enters next and starts pien-ing as he does and Neight asks him what that means. Yoru enters next in a seemingly bad mood, Byakuya comments how both Neight and Yoru are upset. Neight and Yoru argue over how loud Yoru's being when Creha shows up and asks Yoru to get out of the way.

Creha's tired and Neight asks him if he was up late playing games again and tells him he shouldn't be gaming that much. Creha says it's impossible for him and goes on a bit of a tangent about a game he's playing. Creha's tangent is quickly ended after Byakuya touches him, which startles him. At this point Byakuya only wants to mess with him further.

Toxin finally arrives, out of breath, and Yoru questions if he just got lost again. Toxin admits the weather was nice and he took a way he wasn't familiar with when he went on a jog, even though he shouldn't given his poor sense of direction.

Byakuya announces that all of EROSION has arrived and they can finally get to recording. Neight says once they finish up recording they should get something good to eat after. Toxin's agrees but Yoru starts complaining about how they've been stuck doing retakes for three months already because of someone. Toxin says he just wants to show everyone that their rock is the best and Neight tells Yoru to give it a rest because Toxin's too stubborn to be stopped. Byakuya provokes Yoru and they fight, Neight tells Yoru to stop and for Byakuya to stop provoking him or he'll die. Byakuya says he'll stop because he still wants to sing and goes off saying things no one else understands.

Anyways Toxin says it about time they actually start recording.

--

They're in the middle of recording From a Spicy Peak when Toxin tells them to stop. Toxin questions if everyone's really taking things seriously but immediately apologizes and says it's on his end and they should try again.

The boys start reminiscing about the past and how they used to copy rock bands in the forest.

Creha: That's nostalgic, we used to copy all kinds of rock bands there. Neight: And we weren't playing for anyone at all. A stage just for us. Byakuya: Right, right! And the only things that would listen to us were the birds and animals. Wait, is that right? There really wasn't anyone listening to us perform? Hey, there wasn't anyone, right?! Hey, c'mon! Someone tell me! Yoru: There wasn't. Back then we were ditching school, everyone else probably had their noses stuck in books. There's no way anyone else was there. Toxin: Now that you mention it EROSION got its name in that forest. A name that fit our rock perfectly. But, who was the first one that thought it? Yoru: Does it really matter, we all thought of the name didn't we. And it was just us then anyways? Neight: Well, people from school might have snuck around to listen. Creha: You sure? We were pretty well hidden, it would've been hard to find us. Byakuya: Is that right... Pien Creha: Byakuya, you okay? Byakuya: I'm alrighty! There's no problems so lets get onto that next take!

--

Back to recording, Toxin once again stops in the middle. Toxin freaks out because his voice isn't coming out right. Neight and Creha talk about how all five of them are crazy and Byakuya asks whether it's them that's crazy or the world around them.

Another take. Toxin, once again cuts it short, but this time he has a full blown freak out and starts breaking things. The other four are just off to the side commenting about what Toxin's breaking. Eventually Toxin comes back completely calm saying they should try again. Yoru gets mad because they have to constantly apologize and pay back the studio for everything Toxin destroys. Since Toxin and Yoru are fighting Creha starts playing a game, Byakuya decides to join him. Creha invites Toxin to join, he refuses, and Neight says it's about time for a break.

Toxin and Yoru start fighting again and Neight says this is why they've been stuck recording for three months. Neight's fed up and says he's going to sleep until they're done fighting.

Yoru tells Byakuya and Creha to tell Toxin that it's his fault they're still stuck recording and Byakuya agrees. Creha's too into his game to notice what's happening. Toxin tries to snap Creha out of his focus but only manages to wake up Neight. (wuh woh!)

Ura-Neight comments how they keep fighting over things that don't matter and how they shouldn't drag him into things. Creha's still focused on his game, Ura-Neight says everyone is stupid and starts playing the drums to snap Creha out of it. Yoru joins in on guitar and Creha finally looks up from his game. Creha says he only meant to go until the end of the raid in his game but got really into it. Byakuya says he and Creha are similar but Toxin and Yoru disagree. Ura-Neight basically asks how many times the rest of them will expect him to forgive them for testing his patience and says he'll destroy them if they keep up the useless talk. Then the door opens,

Creha: Ah, a new mic appeared. Byakuya: It's time to say bye-bye to the mic Toxin broke! Pieen~ Creha: You really... Say pien to anything. Byakuya: You should say it too Creha! Creha: Aha, no way.

Toxin's just frustrated because he wants to create the best music. The rest try and reassure Toxin that it's ok and that they believe in him. 

Another take. But, it's Yoru this time. Toxin says they were doing good that time but Yoru disagrees and says it isn't rock. Byakuya gets upset at Yoru because Yoru's a liar that said they weren't doing anymore retakes. Then in the time it took for a short conversation between Toxin, Creha, Ura-Neight, and Yoru and Yoru telling them to do one more take, Byakuya started drawing.

Creha says he can he can do another retake but for Byakuya it'd be impossible. Toxin seeing that Byakuya's in his own world agrees with this. Ura-Neight gets fed up and goes to bed. Yoru tries to snap Byakuya out of it and grabs him; Toxin and Creha immediately decide this recording is doomed. Byakuya freaks out because Yoru touched him and now he's dirty and goes crazy with disinfectant/Febr*ze (spraying Yoru in the face). 

Creha: I tried to stop you, I said you shouldn't touch Byakuya when he's like this. Aa~ah *I dunno~

And Byakuya continues spraying Yoru

--

Yoru's wiping the disinfectant off himself and Neight wakes up. Neight notices his glasses are wet and asks why.

Byakuya: I was doing a spray spray spray! Neight: This is the worst, you got my glasses wet. Byakuya: Nyahaha~ It's starting to getting silly~ *I dunno~

Toxin asks what Byakuya drew and he reveals it's! Ero Ero Ero Ero EROSION! A smiley face with horns and five X's (NikoDevil)- Byakuya made a logo for EROSION!

Creha: Byakuya it must be nice having talents. The only thing I can do is sing. Byakuya: But singing is a talent too! And I really love your singing you know~ It's that feeling of going completely wild and ending the world! It's the ultimate rock! It's so dangerous! Crazy emotional~! Creha: Thank you Byakuya: Aha~ Let me hear your singing as thanks. I want to be showered with much much much more rock! Creha: I- do too

Toxin says they should do another recording, Neight asks if Toxin knows what time it is and Toxin says it doesn't matter, he wants to sing. Toxin asks Neight if he doesn't want to sing, Neight says that's not what he meant- Yoru says it'd be impossible for them not to want to sing, Byakuya mentions they were born to sing and live to sing, and Creha says he'd keep singing even if his throat went dry, he was coughing up blood, and had completely lost his mind.

Toxin has to stop recording again and is still frustrated over himself. Neight tells him there's no reason when it comes to rock and he should calm down. 

Creha is just belting in the background. He must've gotten into it and didn't notice they stopped.

Creha's singing made Toxin realize what he was missing and they do one more take.

Toxin is finally satisfied and says that they have something that might be able to change the world.

Toxin gets poetic and says music kept him going and that it's like a light in the darkness. Neight agrees but Yoru thinks they're going a little overboard, but does think there's some negative feeling he gets when he thinks about the past. Byakuya thinks it might be because he was dumb and hated studying, Yoru curses him out. Neight tells them to grab their stuff and they start talking about how they're going to Japan soon. Byakuya seems really excited to try tapioca milk tea and Neight shuts him down telling him they aren't there to sightsee, they're going there to do work as EROSION. Toxin adds they also have to find "that" under Carnelian's orders. Yoru doesn't care, Byakuya seems afraid, and Creha excuses himself to the bathroom. Neight mentions that Creha always gets like that when 'that person' is mentioned.

Toxin says it's about time they start heading home. 

Byakuya: HEYHEYHEYHEY! I'm hungie, pien~ Neight: I'm craving meat right now. Once we get back to the hotel let's find a restaurant to eat at. Byakuya: No-no! No way! Outside food is dirty! Heyy Yoru make something~ Yoru: Hah? Who's cooking for you, stupid. Creha: I really want to eat- Yoru's cooking~

Everyone basically pushes cooking dinner onto Yoru and the track ends.

*Creha （俺しーらない～） and Byakuya （ぼくしーらない～） say this the exact same way and I just think it's really cute and wanted to note that

[recordsstraight]

EMMA + ALCOHOLISM

So since there’s enough people here that don’t know Emma that much and don’t know of her alcoholism, I’ve decided to do an in depth headcanon about it all. I apologize ahead of time at how long this is going to get, but also I’m not sorry. When I tell this story, please keep in mind that Emma lives in Canada, where the legal age to drink is 18! 

the normalizing: Alcohol was normalized in her life long before she was old enough to drink. Every day that her Father would come home, he would pop open a beer and have two or three to ‘unwind’ for the day, no matter if it was a good day or a bad day. The bad days, Steve tended to switch to a hard liquor rather than having a beer. Even at a young age, it wasn’t uncommon for Emma to be the one to go and ‘fetch’ a beer for him as he sat in his chair, and on special occasions (like holidays and whatnot), Emma was allowed to have a single glass of wine. And while none of these things are precursors or reasons why Emma fell into alcoholism, it did normalize alcoholism because yes, there is such a thing as casual alcoholism and it absolutely played a part in her life and deserves to be mentioned. 

the beginning of it all: As Emma got older and more in her teen years, Steve let her have drinks a bit more frequently than just holidays and special occasions. Granted it wasn’t a lot, but it only furthered the normalization of it all ... and when her middle brother and her father’s relationship began to crumble and fall into flames, Emma began to sneak the alcohol ... a fact that only increased the moment Steve was killed in an accident at work. 

Now you might be thinking ... where was Emma’s mother, Mikayla, during all of this? Well ... she certainly didn’t approve of how Steve gave Emma alcohol like he did, but when it came down to it, when Steve so blatantly ignored his wife to do so anyways, it created a certain sort of rebellion in Emma after the fact that he was gone. In the middle of her own grief, its hard to keep account of the alcohol that’s consumed in the household, especially when one of your children is old enough to drink. The blame has nothign to do with Mikayla, and everything to do with the brothers who bought alcohol to replace what they all were drinking, not thinking for one moment that Emma’s consumption was getting worrisome. A fact that only worsened when the family moved from the home that they lived in up until Steve’s death. 

Kyle: This fuck deserves his own section in this, because Kyle is the biggest and heaviest influence in Emma’s drinking. He was one of the first people that Emma met after they moved. She was fragile ... influenceable, and she was fun. He ‘took her under his wing’, allowed her to feel an emotional high with his attention, and considering he was a partier and he was a couple years older, he was yet another source of provision of alcohol to her. He contributed heavily to her alcoholism, actively encouraging her as she drank herself into full black outs, even going so far at one point to send Emma to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. As his narcissistic personality comes out is when this happens, as Emma uses alcohol as a crutch, as a way of drinking away her problems ... a fact that worsens yet again after the rather spectacular and horrific end to their relationship. 

pregnancy and postpartum: because Emma was drinking as she was, its a fucking miracle that she didn’t lose her pregnancy, let alone have Aubrey born without some serious medical issues. For nearly 3 months Emma didn’t realize she had morning sickness, merely playing it off as her hangovers. It was during one of the few moments where she didnt’ have a drink for a few days and her morning sickness continued that she realized what might be happening ... and was absolutely horrified at the result of her multiple pregnancy tests. She was, after all, still a teenager, and still in school ... and pregnant with a man’s child who she was no longer with. At first, it was difficult to remain sober, but she did so until the end of her pregnancy, and because alcohol was deemed such a large part of her life ... she chose to formula feed over breast feeding for one reason, and one reason along: so she could drink when she wanted to without hurting the baby further. The day she got home, she poured herself a drink, and every night when Aubrey was asleep Emma would do the same. Hell there were many nights when Emma was up with a colicy baby that she’d still have somethign to drink after putting a screaming Aubrey down in her crib, and let her scream because absolutely nothing would help ... a fact that was born from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. 

guilt: after she found out she was pregnant, after it was discovered that Aubrey was underweight and underdeveloped in the beginning and remained underweight through the pregnancy and birth, Emma is under no illusion that its not her fault... and every day through the pregnancy guilt eats away at her. She knows damn well that the colic Aubrey endures for hours on end is her fault. She knows that Aubrey being born premature and with the fact that newborn clothing was way too big for Aubrey was Emma’s own fault. Guilt eats away at Emma and only fuels the need for alcohol further. A couple nights she gets too drunk to tend to Aubrey over it all, forcing Mikayla to tend to both her child and her grandchild ... for they both live under her roof yet. 

recovery: it isn’t until Emma’s mother meets a man by the name of Joey that Emma starts down a different path. She couldn’t tell you what prompted Joey and her to have the night conversation that they did, she couldn’t tell you what exactly it was that was said ... but she does remember the overwhelming emotion that had her breaking down in his arms. She had accepted him at the very least by then ... and a relationship was beginning to form, but that night was a turning point. its not an easy thing, and its not without her relapses and her issues with AA, a class that she wound up dropping out of and going to a more local group with Joey’s help and presence. And just like with any recovering addict, its not just once that she falls flat on her ass in her attempt to get sober. But there’s one thing that some other’s might not have: a solid support system that’s unwavering and as nonjudgmental as they come. 

staying sober: Emma’s a mother ... and the mommy wine culture runs rampant through motherhood. She has yet to meet a single mother who doesn’t casually make jokes about alcoholism, or try insisting on Emma drinking, or even criticize her for not drinking wine with them. Being a mother in Canada and eventually the States is her own personal hell, and because of it, Emma has next to no friends that are parents. She had found early on that cutting them out and keeping them out tends to fair better on her mental health and her ability to stay sober than trying to educate them or even tell them that she was a recovering addict. The times that she tried? The invites to hang almost instantly stopped coming and excuses rose. 

being Emma’s friend / partner: you have to have a basic understanding of what being with a recovering alcoholic means. No, Emma doesn’t mind if you drink around her ... but should it become excessive or should you start leaving alcohol at her house, she will ask you to stop and if you can’t respect it, she’s not below cold cutting you out of her life. Just because she doesn’t drink, doesn’t mean she will expect you not to ... but she does expect the basic respect of her boundaries that it creates. It took a long time for Emma to find those boundaries through trial and error, but now that she knows it and knows her own limits, she is unwavering and won’t budge on it. 

[sideofmango]

“That Time We Got Stuck in a Cave”

Pairings: Aged Up! Astronaut Bakugou x Aged up! Fem! Astronaut Reader Pronouns: she/her Warnings: slight violence (a small crash happens but it is mentioned briefly), minor injury referenced (but not in detail), cursing

Three Things Before You Start Reading:

There’s no adult/suggestive content in this post, I aged them up because it seemed kinda weird to have 15/16 year old children traveling alone throughout space. I made them early 20s in this.

Also, the reader is half alien and half human, so basically (y/n) looks human with sharp teeth and white eyes (it’s part of the quirk basically).

Thanks to Marie (@dailydoseofscenarios) for creating this event and involving me! Can’t wait for the next one <3

If you are interested in seeing more work from this event, you can click here.

The girl huffed, tossing the wrench on the floor beside her before standing up and wiping her dirty hands onto her dark blue and white coveralls, the sleeves tied around her waist and a white tank top tucked into the pants. “Stupid fucking pod.” She grumbled, kicking the giant hunk of shining metal with the toe of her industrial boot.

“Try not to damage it more, (y/n).” Kaminari teased with a laugh, holding out his hand with a bag of candy in it. The girl nodded in thanks before taking some of the candy in her freshly cleaned hand. “What’s the issue? The circuit board still acting up?” The electric blonde took a seat near the tools the girl had laying around, looking at the pod and the exposed circuit board on of the machine. 

“I don’t get why it’s not working?! The updates on the others weren’t this fucking hard!” The girl threw her hands up exasperatedly, glaring at the inanimate object.

“Did you try your lazers? It’s just for the inside panel right? Or is it the doors again?” Kirishima appeared, his red eyes looking over the mess from where he stood in the doorway to the vehicle bay.

“I forgot about that! Kiri, you’re a genius!” (y/n) smiled widely revealing her sharp teeth, throwing a set of protective eye goggles at Kirishima and Kaminari, the blonde slipping his on before going back to eating his candy.

Kirishima walked over to where the blonde sat, outstretching his hand as Denki poured some of the candy into his hand before they both watched the girl slip a pair of heat resistant gloves onto her hands as she looked at the broken door, her white eyes glowing as a matching white laser shot from her eyes, hitting the door.

“Is it working?” Kirishima called out as the girl paused her lasers, going closer to the door to see if it was working they way she wanted it to. 

“Yeah, I think so!” (Y/n) called back. “Kiri can you come help me hold this up?” Kirishima nodded, getting up and lifting the heavy door to its correct position. He held it there for a moment as the hot metal cooled, the hinges no longer glowing orange as he released his hold on it. “Thanks Kiri! That’s perfect.”

“No problem.” The redhead smiled, pushing up the sleeves of his dark navy coveralls.

“Come on electric boy, you’re up.” (Y/n) waved over Denki as he begrudgingly sat his candy bag down, walking over to the pod’s newly placed circuit board. 

“Don’t touch my candy Kirishima!” Denki narrowed his eyes at the boy, who paused, eyes wide at being caught eating from the bag. Denki pointed his pointer finger at the circuit board, a small bolt of electricity hitting the board as the pod whirled to life. 

“Did it work? Is it fixed?” The boys asked, looking curiously at the girl who stood with a small proud smile on her face.

“I’ll have to take it out for a test run, but it should be fine now.” She answered with a definitive nod. “Can you tell Ka-Bakugou that I’ll be taking it for a test flight?”

“First name basis huh?” Kaminari elbowed the girl, his eyebrows wiggling up and down as the smirk grew on his face.

“Fuck off and go tell him!” The average height girl laughed, ruffling Denki’s hair before pushing him towards the door.

“Ok...Captain Fucker.” Kirishima teased before the boys ran down the hall laughing loudly as the girl rolled her eyes pointing her middle fingers in the direction they ran off in. 

“Alright, let’s see how this thing runs.” (y/n) mumbles to herself as she gears up, placing the airtight helmet on her head before clicking it into place as she stepped into the airlock. “Alright Sero, you can open Gate 3D.” She said into the comm system, as she turned the pod on and warmed up the engine.

“Copy that.” Sero responded, clicking the button from his control panel as the large door opened into the vast blackness that was open space. “So, I heard...you and the Captain, huh?” Sero asked after a moment of silence as the girl rolled her eyes with a groan.

“I’m gonna kill those two.” The girl laughed as she pressed a few button on the control panel of the pod, glancing over the readings on the screen all of them lighting up green. “Alright Sero, I’m disconnecting the tether now.”

“Copy that. Tether disconnected. What are your readings?”

“Everything’s at 100% and fully operational.” (y/n) replies with a smile, proud of her handiwork. A moment passed before the readings began flashing red, before the pod went dark the control panel no longer lighting up as the girl could only watch as the ship drifted from the main ship and towards the large purple planet nearby, the small pod getting brought down by the planet’s gravitational pull.

“Sero?” (y/n) called into the comms, but got no response. “Sero can you hear me?” The girl switched the channels, stopping on the personal channel she had with their captain.

“Shit!” (y/n) yelled as the pod spun, dropping to the surface before skidding to a stop, the girl’s head hitting against the side of the chair making a small crack in her helmet. “Fuck.” She mumbled to herself after sitting still for a moment, gathering her bearings before she had to exit the pod to survey the damage. 

“Can...hear?” Her comms began cutting out, but she had gotten a response and that was all that mattered. 

“Bakugou?!” (y/n) called into the comms again, releasing the button to see if she was going to get another response. The silence was deafening as her hope began to dwindle. She was stuck on a deserted exo-planet without a working comm system or a working craft, not to mention whatever else lived on the planet. “Fuck!” (y/n) got out of the beaten up pod, her white eyes growing teary as she saw the level of damage. “There’s no way it’s flyable and I don’t think I have enough tools to repair it.”

(y/n) looked to the lavender sky, a group of dark purple clouds gathering as aa lightening bolt crackled from the clouds. A shining black craft caught her attention as it landed on the other side of a valley, the girl standing on a small hill to see the door open and the black and orange suit that belonged to Bakugou Katsuki.

“Katsuki? Can you hear me? Is this goddamn piece of shit comm working?” (y/n) said angrily as she watched his small figure across the ravine. 

“I can hear you Shitty Girl.” Bakugou said with a small laugh. “Are you hurt?”

“No just the piece of shit pod. I wrote 10 fucking complaints to the UAIGSS and Commander Nezu and I haven’t gotten one response! NOT ONE! I knew those things were defective!”

“You can rant later, Shitty Girl. We’ve gotta find somewhere to wait out this storm. I don’t like the look of those clouds.” Bakugou cut the girl off, warily looking towards the horizon before grabbing two large packs from the pod before looking for a way to get to her.

“Alright. I can see a covered landing over there. It might even be a cave.” (y/n) said pointing in the other direction as her eyes glanced over the barren and deserted landscape. A thin layer of fog covered the ground in the horizon, making it hard to see the terrain. 

A group of fire destroyed trees sat in the barren and cracked lavender soil, sharp rock structures sticking up in strange ways around them. The sound of thunder caught the pair’s attention as Bakugou handed the girl the large pack she had failed to take when she had originally went out. 

“Thanks.” (y/n) smiled. “Let’s go, I guess.” She let out a sigh as they decided on a way to get to the cave (y/n) had spotted earlier.

“The atmosphere of this stupid planet is negatively charged so it blew out your engine...mine’s shot too. I told Mina and Kirishima to wait until it passes to land the ship.”

“Wouldn’t the ship be fucked then?” (y/n) wondered, the pair sitting down in the cave opening as the clouds blocked out the sun and loud claps of thunder echoed. Rain poured from the sky in sheets as the wind picked up slightly, the burned and hollow trees shaking in the wind like paper.

“No. I had Hatsume upgrade the engines so they should be fine.” Bakugou shrugged. “How’s your oxygen filter?”

“It’s fine. You?”

“Good.” He mumbled back. A moment of silence passed before he let out a breath, leaning back against the rock wall of the cave. “You don’t think there’s any crazy animals around here, right?”

“Not sure. My ship wasn’t able to do a full scan of the planet before it was fried.” (y/n) mumbled.

“I didn’t run a scan, I was distracted.” Bakugou rolled his eyes, upset with himself.

“Distracted?” (y/n) repeated. “Was it because you were thinking about little old me?” (y/n) teased as the explosive blonde’s cheeks flushed lightly, a scoff leaving his lips.

“Shut up.” He responded defensively, though that was enough of an answer to tell the girl she was right.

“Kiri, Kami, and Sero found out...it’s only a matter of time before Mina does too...” (y/n) laughed lightly, her eyes looking out at the rain, a soft smile on her face.

“So basically, a short amount of time before the whole UAIGSS knows?” Bakugou scoffed as he put his arm around the girl a laugh bubbling from his lips before he let out a sigh.

“You don’t think we’ll get in trouble do you? It’s technically a breach of the rules for members to be engaged in a romantic relationship.”

“Fuck that...people do it all the time.” Bakugou thought for a minute. “Todoroki and Shitty Deku...”

“Are gonna keep calling him that? Didn’t you start that in flight school?” She cut him off a gleam in her eyes as she looked over his face.

“Even before that.” He admitted sheepishly. “Anyways, Commander Aizawa and Commander Yamada...” Bakugou rattled off as the girl’s eyes widened.

“Present Mic and Aizawa?! They finally got together?” 

“Present Mic?”

“Yeah, that’s what they call him.” The girl shrugged. “How’d you hear about all of this stuff anyway?”

“Captain’s quarters at the UAIGSS...shit gets wild.” Bakugou shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe you’ll be able to go next time...I heard that Nezu’s been thinking about promoting you to Co-Captain...of course you’d be my co-captain.”

“Oh of course.” (y/n) said back sarcastically as they both laughed, Bakugou nudging his girlfriend’s arm with his own. 

Their laughing died down when the faint sound of a hiss caused a chill to run up their spines and their eyes to widen as they looked between each other and behind them.

“What the fuck was that?” (y/n) screeched trying to keep her voice quiet as they both hopped up and Bakugou got into fighting stance beside her.

“Do you really want that question answered?!” Bakugou fired back.

Tags:

[othersideoftheparadise]

Tampered [2/?]

Sam wilson X cis!fem!Reader

Warnings: 5k words, based on tfaws ( so spoilers), U.S.Agent, amateur writing.

I’m re-posting this again, because I accidentally deleted while creating masterlist. I’m writing something like this for the first time, so constructive criticism is appreciated.

You stayed seated in the restaurant nearby to Bucky’s apartment, waiting for him to go back home. You didn’t want to startle him. It had been a day or two ever since you arrived from DC, where it had taken half a day to track him down. Right now, you were hungry and gobbling down as much as you could, ignoring the weird glances as they walked down the street. It didn’t matter anyways because there were lesser people out on the streets during this time, of the night.

Staccato breaths. Fast paced steps.

Finishing your drink, you waved at him to catch his attention, as he walked passing over right by you. Placing down the money under one of the plates, you ran behind him.

“James! Bucky! Where are going? Is everything okay?”, catching his pace and kept your distance as to how he preferred it to be.

“Hey Y/N, you were not supposed to be here today.”, He somewhat seemed in middle of a dilemma rattling in his head and slowed down visibly. You didn’t want to impose him, all at once because he was in middle of something else.

“I’ll explain you once we reach the apartment. Deal?” He picked up speed nodding at you.

“Stay right here”, holding you right by your arm, he pushed you back abruptly few meters away from the front door, knocking it. Just like how he used to do, back in the day when you both were together in missions.

“Hey, what are you doing here? How was the date?”, you heard an older voice on the other side of the door. Bucky was visibly frozen, when he peeped into the little view of whatever the door opening could offer.

“It was…it was good”, he regained his composure as he saw you trying to step in, handing over the money. “Forgot that I owed you for lunch.” Walking away abruptly, to the apartment that you shared with him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, drinking water as you leaned against the kitchen counter.

“No, it’s—it’s nothing,”- he continued glancing around the apartment, as he found pale mint green painted walls more interesting.

Okay.

“But what are you even doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be here tomorrow evening?” you turned around again to look at him.

“I–I broke up with him Bucky. I— “, “Come here, beanie.” he closed the distance in between and sweeping you into a chaste hug, as you buried your head into his shoulder wrapping your arms around him.

“So, you want to talk about it?”

No.

“I mean, Sam deserves the shield more than anyone else. I just don’t understand why he had to just give it away. He thinks he’s undeserving, I—I just don’t understand. I’ve known him for years… There is a reason why Steve gave it to him. Steve knows what it feels like to be someone who politically has to follow the government and not based on their own ideologies…”, You knew that you were rambling at this point.

“But, I just—I feel useless. Not being able to do anything. Not being able to help him out even if I want to.” You sighed as you pulled out from his embrace, holding him by his arms. “I just don’t understand Bucky.”, you felt him patting your head as you looked at him.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“That is not up-to me to be honest. You need to take a break, lil’ bean.” He heaved a sigh as he went to the fridge for some drinks.

“I told you to stop calling me that”— “I can’t help it, it just slips out.”, Bucky would not talk about his day so you continued talking about yours, as you both were preparing to sleep.

You chuckled as you remembered Sam. “You know, I just remember the day when I met him. It was a bad day but turned better when I met him, Edna.” You were already missing him.

“Hey, I told you not to call me that.”

“AA-Anyways, coming back to the point. You used to snicker all the time, back in Wakanda right? I’m just going to say it however, whether you are going to like it or not.”

“Will you ever not let an old man sleep in peace?”

“No”, He shifts facing towards you, sighing exaggeratedly as you continue to speak.

“It was around 2014, when I was on run from S.H.E.I.L.D. I’m glad that I did. He is always selfless and has his heart on his sleeve. A-As he used to say, just slower than Steve. Our first meeting was so awkward, he looked like a cat, looking at a feather wand.”, You could feel yourself smiling.

You would never forget the look that Sam had on his face, when Steve and you accompanied an injured Nat, to his house. It took all the seriousness of the situation to not smile at his confused look right then and there.

“Barnes, I think that I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have broken up with him.”, there was a lot going on in your mind now, only to find Barnes fake snoring.

Ugh, never mind he hardly ever sleeps, he’ll fall asleep anyways.

Maybe you could have just made it clear that you were ready to be his friend again rather than blowing the entire aspect of being in contact with him out of the proportion, platonic or not. Whatever.

Things with Sarah were a bit better than with Sam, secret impromptu visits during missions when you were all injured up, taking turns to look after the kids when she was managing work from both the ends to keep the business afloat, her delicious homemade crawfish etouffee that had been passed down over generations.

She was one of the main reasons why you didn’t lose shit and were level headed all those years after the snap had happened. You owed it to her. You wanted to make sure that she didn’t drown in debts and loans anymore. The kids need not go through the same as you did, eat the stale potatoes, carrots and strawberries stored throughout the year, with no proper sleep and a routine before you were recruited by Natasha.

“Hey Happy, got a minute? I need your help.”

“Even though I never met him, he feels like a brother.” “Wow.”

Really? This now?

“James, are you ready? We can only reach on time, if we leave now. Otherwise, we’re gonna miss Sam.” Bucky kept staring at the television, with dazed eyes reflecting colors off the television dancing around him.

“Hey Buck,” you grasped him by his bicep, rubbing his arm. “We need to leave.” He nodded wiping his tears off with his thumb. You didn’t want to press in.

“I’m fine, I’m alright!”, he went to the door closing it.

You were nervous on your whole way to meet Sam, right after you made things awkward with him. Right, at this moment he needed you as a friend. You both had a really good friendship, before you two had hit off. You were the one to tell him that you liked him, you still could remember the amused expression on his face.

 “New Cap is back!” There were posters of John Walker all across walls of the base as you walked towards the ramp area, to get hold of Sam. You caught him staring at the posters as he jogged d own.

“You shouldn’t have given the shield.”

Bucky, no. Not right now.

Being a spy gave you many advantages such as in this situation, keeping a straight face.

“Good to see you too, Buck.”, he went straight ahead passing by you.

Honestly, you knew that you deserved it but you had to speak up.  “Sam, are you okay?” Both Bucky and you caught up.

“This is wrong”, Hmph. You knew that their banter would last forever. At this point, you were used to it. You had to talk to Sam, even his ignorance was making you angry. Instead, you went to Torres to get updated.

“Hey Torres, how are you feeling now? All better?”, you asked as he was filling out the paper-work. “OH- Hey, I’m feeling better now. It’s just a scratch”, you did not respond back, giving him a knowing smile. “Just take care and don’t be too reckless next time.”

You hesitated asking him, you only knew him for few months, but you almost had no one else to rely upon. All you did was take part in meetings, discuss if the intels were reliable or not, train for the missions and then go for it. You had stopped talking to people at this point. It was either Sam, Bucky or Torres and others, threading in for small conversations regarding missions.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?”, Huh? “Yeah-Yeah, look Torres, I just need you help. Can you look after Sam during the missions, just in case if he gets injured or something, you know?”, you stalled.

“O-Okay. but what about you? Aren’t you going to come anymore or what?”, Eh- talk about being awkward. “Um, I don’t think so.”, you trailed off looking at Bucky all suited up for the mission.

You definitely did not see this coming.

“Y/N, are you coming with us or not?”, of course, it was Bucky who asked you. You saw Sam adjusting straps of the wings attached. You didn’t want to feel sad about him ignoring you right now but he had every right to. You had to give him space.

“So, you’re coming. Okay, alright then.” You were more confused than ever before, but you caught upon. He was third wheeling now. Great. Dragging you in the quinjet by your arm, he shoved your mission backpack, with your suit in it. This idiot had it all planned. Wonderful.

“He needs us and you’re coming with me.” Eh. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m leaving”, You saw the quinjet door closing up. All you could do was to glare at Bucky as you stashed yourself in one of the sleeping bunkers, to change in.

Torres update you on the Flag smashers and on their connections across Eastern and Central Europe. He also mentioned that they were strong, agile and beastly. It didn’t take you time to put the pieces in together. How did they get hold of they get hold of it? Who else has access to the serum? Almost everyone you knew were dead or too old like Bucky. You were sure that you tracked down all the Hydra bases in the past five years, destroyed them and turned in almost each and every person associated in your list.  

Your head was pounding already. Who would have done this? You had taken advantage of the fact that the government that had been unified all over the world after the snap and had heavily relied on the Avengers. You made sure that you striked off everyone on your checklist. You were an assassin and spy Afterall. After all the things that they did and made you to do during your first few years of your life, they deserved it. You were handled guns and knives, instead of toys and puzzles to play.

Scrambling your thoughts, you knew what to focus upon getting hold of the serum to create medicines to outbreaks and diseases, just like how you had done before. You had to contact Fury regarding this.

“How much more time left to reach the lower drop zone Torres?” “Five minutes L/N.” Alright. You got all set up and walked out to the opening, strapping in the parachute. “I’ll see y’all in the rendezvous point.”

No one had to know but you still did it because, it had been a while. Once you were sure that no one could track you down after scanning the perimeter, you spread out your arms concentrated feeling the energy grow at the center. You could feel the specks of bursts, creating a halo energy surrounding your body. It made you feel better, stronger. It had been forever, ever-since you used it months ago.

You made sure that the energy veiled you, making you invisible as you landed down as quietly as possible using the energy from the chute that you had worn.

“Where were you all this time? I thought that you were here, already”, Sam questioned. “You look all fresh and crisp.”, It was more of a statement than a question. You gave him a questioning look and proceeded forward, following him.

“I got and vibration arm. I can take them.”, “And I can fly. Who gives a shit? Wait.” You wanted to laugh at their banter. “Can you both not talk for a moment and look out instead. We’re out numbered, if they are all super soldiers.”

“There’s an eighth person. I think they have a hostage.”

All three of you started chasing down, the trucks but they were not doing anything to stop you both and Sam who was way ahead.

“James, Sam, I think this is a trap, they’re not stopping us.” You ran picking up your speed with Bucky. “They have a hostage in there, Y/N. We got to rescue them.”

“James, we are literally running right into the open fire and they’re not even bothered to stop us, don’t you get it?”, He instead picked up speed getting into the truck where the hostage was. They still did not fire back at him, What the hell had this idiot gotten himself into?

This was like taking care of a two-year-old kid, wandering off into supermarket alleys.

“James, you idiot.”

You saw him swearing and being pulled up by people. You jumped on the truck with a thud, as he was struggling in by. Why was he even struggling in the first place? You needed to have your brain shut off. You saw them being tossed around like bags of flour from one truck to another.

You saw the girl approaching you, trying to hit you with a high blow as you dodged her blow and next thing that you found was you were lying on your stomach with the girl holding you down tightly. You were getting slow, before you knew you had a split lip, with metallic taste filling your mouth.

Pulling out your ankles, you pushed your body to your front creating gap in between, aiming at the girl’s stomach. Kicking the girl, she flung right onto the man approaching, knocking him down. Charging yourself at the men holding in Sam, you blocked their high blows yet again, charging at their vulnerable side, knocking him out of breath. You were controlling yourself as you did not want to use all your strength, killing him.  

“Looks like you guys could use some help.” , You heard someone yell as Sam was flung against the other super soldier holding him down. You kicked right at his abdomen knocking the guy out. Sam had amused look on his face. Bucky was holding the shield as if bounced off the target, seeing the shield once Steve held. Walker was putting up an impressive fight, against the flag smashers.

They were super soldiers; the U.S. Agent and Hoskins had no chance against them. Either of them was going to be severely injured. As Bucky was holding to one of the metal appendages, Sam signaled you to get off the vehicle, saying that he would handle Bucky. The next thing that you knew was, the U.S. Agent was being kicked off the roof. That was probably going to hurt. You had no reason to stay back, you jumped off the vehicle, with Bucky and Sam bickering all over again.

 You started walking down the as John Walker joined in. He was trying to make amends to form a group. You always knew where this would lead to. You thought that you were one of those people who never judged anyone, but here you were judging the man who looked like Steve. Him legitimately telling on hacking redwing and on how was indirectly showing his authority.

No wonder it was malfunctioning, whenever the military were repairing it.

The government had had a good PR for putting up a show like this, with Battlestar as Captain America’s black side kick.

U.S Agent was good, but based on his biography, he always had been in power. Unlike Steve, who was a scrawny little kid from Brooklyn as, Bucky would describe.

Good lord, stop comparing them.

U.S Agent was not enhanced, but he was ready to throw off the shield to save his friend’s life. He was a normal person and it was impressive seeing him fight and put up. You had no right to judge him but you were waiting for him to see his real side, once he was under pressure. This was just the beginning.

“It’d be a whole lot easier, if I had Cap’s wingmen on my side.”

Him calling both Bucky and Sam as Captain’s sidekicks, infuriated you more.  Neither Sam nor Bucky were Steve’s sidekick, they gave more priority to Steve and helped him out during hardest times. Something that no one would ever understand.  Steve always was dead-set on what he thought was right. It was never about him being Captain America and his authority.

“It is always that last line.” Sam was obviously heart broken. He scoffed as he got down, walking away.

“You had put up an impressive fight up there, Agent. There is one thing I would like to tell you is that, we’re all still grieving over Steve and you show up here, trying to make amends. No offense, it is not gonna work like that and for Falcon and the winter soldier, were never Captain America’s sidekicks.” You got off the van as you explained, it was not their fault.

“Agent L/N, mam, that was never our intention, I understand, it’s just that it would be better if we all fought together.” He was flipping around the situation. Why wouldn’t he understand. “Thanks for the ride, Agent.”, You started walking away. You were getting late.

“So, where are we going to eat? I’m hungry.” You signaled both Bucky and Sam to look at you as you communicated through sign-language, ‘You mentioned during all your missions that redwing was acting up. I think it is because they were trying to record. Manipulating a drone to transmit signal to more than one area, would make it all glitchy. They are tracking everything as we speak Sam, how did they know what you and Bucky were taking about.’

Both nodded in agreement. “Now common guys, where are we going now? Make up your mind.”

“I don’t know Y/N, it’s Bucky’s reign tonight, so he gets to choose.”, Sam was using sign language simultaneously signaling you that you would have to make him a new one again. Sign-language was something that you used often when you were on run, after the accords happened.

“I can’t believe you are saying this but whatever, I don’t care. I want to eat in all that greasy food,” You signaled him back saying back, ‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care.’

“No, I want to have spicy food in Indian restaurant, that is down the block, to the second right from the airport. No arguing.”, He eyes popped up, when he was signaling back, saying, ‘I’ll help you out, let me know.’

“Apparently, I’m going to sleep now, I’m exhausted.”, all three of you strolled around looking for the trackers and bugs finding, none. Once they were seated, you placed yourself behind the equipment’s box and laid out your palm as invisible energy grew out, scanning over the quinjet again. Finding one bug on the border of the floor, too camouflaged to notice. You showed it to them and stashed it into the equipment box.

Both Bucky and Sam had puzzled look on face but didn’t say anything. They were in midst of arguing on taking back the shield and so on. You would never understand, how tough it would be on them seeing someone else representing, what Steve had represented before. Bucky mentioned that they had to meet someone before.

“We are here to see Isiah.”, You all stood Infront of the porch of a small house that reminded you of Clint’s house. Apparently, Clint’s and Sarah’s houses were they only ones you properly knew about, a quiet life like this was what you always wanted.

“Tell him the guy from the bar in Goyang is here. He’ll know what that means.”, realization hit you like a ton of bricks. He was the Captain America, who was the most feared by HYDRA. “Bucky, --”, “I’ve to do this Y/N, just don’t interrupt in between. This is really important.”, He maintained eye-contact with you for solid five seconds, letting you know that he was sure.

“Isiah?”

Bucky introduced both of us to Isiah, it was awkward to say in the least. Seeing this legend in person was more intimidating that you ever thought that it would be.

“If by met, you mean I whopped your ass, then, yeah. We heard whispers he was on the peninsula, but everyone they sent after him, never came back. So, the U.S. military dropped me behind the line to go deal with him. I took half that metal arm in that fight in Goyang, but I see he’s managed to grow it back. I just wanted to see if he got the arm back. Or if he’d come to kill me.”

“I’m not a killer anymore.”, Bucky responded in certainty.

“You think you can wake up one day and decide who you want to be? It doesn’t work like that. Well, maybe it does for folks like you.” How could he say that?

“Do you really think that he did any of this under full conscious? How can you say that?”, you were in disbelief. Isiah looked at you but did not bother to respond back. You knew that you had to keep your mouth shut, to get work done here. Bucky tried explaining out to him on how there were super soldiers all over now.

“You and me.”, Isiah scoffed. You could visibly see the man tense up, as Bucky probed in.

“I’m not gonna talk about it anymore.”, he flung the metal box as it stuck to the wall across him. You were scared to be honest. You were seeing the legend right Infront of you. The confrontation had grown larger, resulting in kicking all of you outside the house.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Isaiah? How could nobody bring him up? I asked you a question, Bucky.”, you held your head low as you three walked down the road.

“Bucky, why didn’t you tell me beforehand that we were going to meet Isiah!”, Sam asked him further to gain insight.

“So, you’re telling me that there was a black Super Soldier decades ago and nobody knew about it?”, Sam asked in disbelief, as you heard sirens blaring.

“What’s up, man?”, Sam was confused

“Is there a problem here?”, police were enquiring. You knew where this would lead to. “No, we’re just talking.”, Sam explained back.

“We’re fine.”, Bucky assured them.

“Can I see both your IDs?”, the officer said pointing out both at Sam and you.

“I don’t have ID. Why?”, the officer kept picking up on Sam and you as he approached you.

“Give him your ID so we can leave.” You’ve got to be fucking kidding me

“No.” both of us simultaneously responded back. Not today. You were tired of being treated this way. People calling out as you walked down the streets, yelling you to go back to your own country. This was the real world. You realised that privilege was a real thing because, this was one of the closest encounters that you ever had.

Next thing that you knew was Bucky was being arrested for skipping the therapy.  You were drained at this point.

“Hey you okay?”, Sam asked looking concerned.

“I am, I am.”, you replied. “I’m sorry Sam. I’m really sorry that I misjudged your actions when you gave up the shield. I only looked from Steve’s and Bucky’s perspective, I’m really sorry. Having first-hand encounter up this close.” you hugged him before he could say anything, not wanting him to see you cry.

“I-I’m sorry I have not been truthful to you. I knew that Isiah was a legend, he was HYDRA’s most feared. I honestly even thought about him coming and destroying the base I was living so that, I could end up things for once and all. I’m sorry that I didn’t talk about a lot of things.”, you didn’t deserve him, you never told him about your powers all these years, it was time for you to.

“Hey- Hey, look at me. Its okay. Everything is going to be okay. I forgive you. I’m not Goody in two shoes either, I shouldn’t have avoided you.”, he said holding you by your face as warmth radiated off his skin. He shoed his toothy grin at you, but you had to tell him.

“Sam, I-I’ve to tell you something,” as he held you by your shoulder. “Look we will handle it once we get Bucky out okay?” Okay, then this had to wait.

It was John walker again. He was the one who bailed out Bucky. Honestly, seeing him everywhere was getting on your nerves. There he was back again ordering you both to come and meet him along with Bucky once the session was over.

Dr. Raynor told you to wait outside, as she ordered Sam to join in the session. You knew how it was going to be, you had couples therapy with Bucky before, it was not the greatest but he opened up to you even more. Or if that was what you thought, it’d be.

You never knew that meeting up with some random guy whom you never knew before, would irk you out so much. He again tried broach in, on how it would be better if we were a team. Not happening. Bucky, baited and Sam tried convincing him and politely told off on how they would not workout.

“A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”, you almost smirked at him. This aspect of yours always felt sadistic to you. He was in a lot of pressure but he helped bailing out Bucky. You were grateful, at the same time.

You three walked out of the restaurant, finding out that the Flag smashers had indeed escaped. “Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said ‘my people’, he meant HYDRA and I know who to meet.” Bucky sighed.

Sam disagreed,” Why don’t we bring in Wanda?”, he hadn’t known what had happened to Wanda.

“Sam, Bucky, Wanda is not in any state to help us. S-She.”, how will you reveal this to them now? It was your fault for not telling them any sooner.

We should have asked Wanda back during 2016, before Zemo was put into prison.” You were getting nervous to tell them the truth.

“Y/N, what is it?”, Sam probed in. This is not going to end well. Shit. You took them to an alley and scanned around with invisible ripples of energy radiating out, to find out nothing suspicious.

“Uh- Wanda was grieving over Vision and she used her sub-conscious to create alternate reality.”, you waited but they were more confused.

“I came to know when FBI Agent Jimmy Woo contacted me and they soon found out that she created a border using Cosmic Microwave background radiation and somehow wiped-out memories of the town existing amongst the other surrounding town.”, you didn’t want to talk about it, but you had to.

“But how did they know it was her?”, Bucky asked.

“They didn’t. I did, CMBR is the radiation that existed when the universe was first created, meaning it was from one of the infinity stones. Wanda is a direct source of this energy.”, you explained feeling more nervous.

“I straight away contacted Pietro and Strange to come over so that we could just solve it ourselves. Unfortunately, both Pietro and me got pulled in by the Hex and we somehow managed pull to get out Wanda.”, You didn’t want to tell them about Agatha, how you were pulled into 50s out of nowhere, thank god you had called Wong and Dr. Strange assisted into helping to get rid of Agatha. Wanda’s mind control was one of the most terrifying things, than that of HYDRA.

“Long story short, she’s safe now. Under Dr. Strange’s assistance she is attending therapy sessions and she has her brother on her side. I’m afraid that she cannot help us.”, you looked down at your shoes.

“Are you kidding me Y/N? You could’ve told anyone of us about this. We could’ve helped you.”, Sam told in disbelief.

“No, you can’t. Both of you can’t. it’s not possible. She was not even herself. Wanda morally stopped using mind control after Sokovia happened. She knew how it impacted us. Strange had told her that she was losing her own conscious and that she was using chaos magic.”, you sensed someone coming over. “Someone’s coming over. We need to leave now.”

“but I don’t hear anyone.”, Bucky chimed in and stopped once he heard footsteps.

“So, were going to see Zemo again.”, Sam told being all quiet again. Both needed some time, you had to wait now.

Next part

[interrogatormentors]

Event Eleven: Natural

They dissected Ualona in their anatomy class the following day. Sollux knew he should’ve been ready. All of the other subjects in the dissection videos to learn about the inner workings of the body, were young and fit, and more than a few showed signs of distress and torture when they were working on the cadavers. Sollux knew they were working on other trainees, but still they all stopped and stared at the body on the table waiting for them with the exception of Rosmer and Zesaim. Those two remained as placid as ever as of late, eerily so as they took their seats.

A new instructor waited for them, a goldblood with a horrific burn across one side of her face and a bright red eye. “Welcome, recruits,” she said, stretching on some gloves as she spoke, “to the next stage of your anatomy schoolfeeding. As you are well aware, this specimen hasn’t been dead long and I wish to make efficient use of it while it is here. Please take up your tablets-- You will be answering questions as I perform this dissection, so no need for gloves just yet. Once I have been satisfied with your performance, you will be tasked with practicing cuts and sutures on the specimen, as in the field you may have to patch up both yourself and your interrogation subject at any time. Do keep in mind that dead flesh is very different from the living, and respond accordingly. Be very grateful one of your own perished at such a convenient time, as knowing the subject in this unit is optimal. We would hate to have to give you a frozen subject.”

Sollux sat down in his usual seat, and despite his best attempts to remain impartial to avoid punishment he couldn’t help speaking up. His tablet zapped him as he did so, but he continued on without so much as flinching. “I’m not saying I won’t do this, because I know that isn’t an option,” he said. He kept his expression passive, and managed to avoid any further electrocution. “But I’d just like to know what’s accomplished by knowing.. The specimen.” He narrowly avoided grimacing then. He hated speaking as though Ualona was just a piece of meat, but that too had to be buried. Emotions were weakness.

Rosmer scoffed beside him, but the instructor lifted a hand. “Calm yourself, Leywet. Captor here has asked an excellent question.” She began to pace, arms folded behind her back. “Why indeed? The answer is simple-- there is no greater weakness than close relationships. Alliances are useful to use and exploit, but sentimental clinging will always serve as a detriment. If your closest friend is a traitor to the empire, you must be able to detach yourself and do what is done.” Sollux stiffened by a millimeter, and immediately the instructor’s good eye fixed upon him as she continued speaking. “We are the sharpest knives of the empire, recruits. Do not forget that.”

Trisia averted her eyes as the instructor went back to the table and picked up a scalpel, but Sollux forced himself to watch. He could feel something in him slipping away, giving up as the instructor put the knife to Ualona’s chest. “You are all familiar with the first cut to start with, yes? Do tell me my predecessor did not fail you in that regard.”

Sollux glanced over at Mercuo, who shrugged a shoulder, but they all answered correctly: a Y-cut, to access the chest and organs within for an autopsy-style investigation. Ophlia refused to answer, hands flat on her desk in front of her, and didn’t move as her tablet zapped out at her.

“Please be mature about this, Miss Davrot,” the instructor said. She made the initial cut, exposing the abdominal and thoracic cavities with a clean Y-cut. “When performing your own dissections, remember to start at the corner of the pectorals and go diagonally until they meet at the midline. Do not make the mistake of starting with the vertical cut down the middle. Cherry picking will get you nowhere. Trolls will, on occasion, hide valuable information in any and all bodily cavities and if they are former helmsmen such as Captor, their brain will have been modified with a partially electronic sector. Never forget to check that area when working with a lowblood. If you have enough adrenaline to mitigate shock, you can even do as much while the subject is awake. That way, you immediately know when you have made a mistake in their pan rather than being surprised by their later incoherence when they come to consciousness.”

The instructor peeled the skin and muscle back, revealing Ualona’s internal cavity. Considering how long he had been dead he did not bleed, but Sollux swallowed back a retch at the foul smell. “Next question, what tool is used to open the ribcage?” Mercuo wobbled in his seat, looking queasy, but answered with the rest.

Sollux got the answer wrong, as did Ophlia by virtue of once again refusing not to answer. Sollux readjusted his grip on his tablet, and took the incorrect answer in stride. He filed the answer away in his notes, color-coded and neat. The sane part of him asked why, why bother considering how he still yearned to escape, but the other half of him reminded him of the futility of the attempt. He had already experienced the helm. Wouldn’t it be better to have a semblance of agency, to walk and eat and sleep like a normal troll? Better trolls had sacrificed more for such a life.

The instructor sliced open the digestive sac then, interrupting Sollux’s thoughts. Mercuo actually threw up then, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth as he lifted his head. Rosmer’s eyebrows twitched, but he leaned in all the same as the instructor started going on about how fast to move to recover objects before stomach acid could damage them if the troll hadn’t taken precautionary measures against it.

The rest of the lesson passed just as unpleasantly as the beginning, and the whirring of the bonesaw at Ualona’s skull continued to echo through Sollux’s pan as they filed from the block. Another new instructor awaited them at physical endurance training, a teal with blind eyes, sickly black cracks shattering his skin, and a shadow that seemed too long and too solid as he paced the room.

Sollux went about coding a new, private chatroom for them all, barring Rosmer and Zesaim seeing as the two both seemed compromised now. He pinged the others, one by one over the next hour so as to not arouse suspicion.

[twinArmaggedons [TA] has opened up the memo porndonotopen]

glorifiedCorpsification [GC] has entered the chat!

cavortingGratuity [CG] has entered the chat!

accentuatedAntimony [AA] has entered the chat!

AA: 7his isnt porn is i7

TA: not iin the mood funniily enough TA: anyone know what wa2 up wiith the two new iin2tructor2?

GC: *No.* GC: *Don’t care.*

CG: i actually Heard oTHers Talking CG: pozoia and juyere were parTners and THeir sHip was aTTacked.

TA: let me check the helmiing channel2.

Sollux opened up the helming channels, plugging in his well-worn code string to bypass the firewalls. A quick scan had his pusher skipping a few beats, and he rolled over on his reclining platform onto his stomach as he scrolled through the data.

TA: the rebelliion got them. TA: they managed two get iin the 2hiip, extract the iinterrogatormentor2, and get out. AA: 7ha7 sounds bull to me. AA: 7hey never would ge7 7aken alive.

TA: word iin the helm ii2 that poiizoiia’2 old mate2priit wa2 iinvolved.

AA: wai7 AA: so i7 wasn7 an a77ack?

AA: i7 was a rescue?

GC: *So our quads weren’t culled.* GC: *Someone misses us.*

AA: oh god did you have a quad.

GC: *Pale*

GC: *My diamond, lime bright and secret.*

GC: *My soul traded for hers. They stated her death was a quick one. Do not know what to believe now.*

TA: okay. TA: okay you know what you diidn’t make a trade.

TA: we’re gettiing out of here.

TA: ii 2ay we try and move wiithiin the periigee before anythiing wor2e happen2 two one of u2. 

Sollux turned off his tablet then, putting it under his pillow and flipping back onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He dared to imagine his friends’ faces then, the friends he’d tried to force himself to forget in an attempt to minimize what the interrogatormentors could use against him. Was Karkat actually looking for him? Was he somewhere out in the stars with the others, tearing ships apart and searching them for a helmsman or a mangled corpse within?

The weeks passed. The escape plan took shape, pupating into something actionable as each day passed. Mercuo had the advantage of his blood, and along with Ophlia’s intimidating bulk he managed to procure escape pod codes from the docking bay. Trisia, already a favorite amongst the guard, managed to get a shift shadowing another while Sollux worked on adjusting the cameras just enough to create blind spots in their vision without arousing suspicion. Another night, another millimeter, until there was a foot of space the cameras couldn’t see leading down the corridor to freedom.

Despite his efforts Sollux found his motivation draining from him with each passing night. He voiced none of his doubts in the chat, but what was even the point of escaping? Interrogatormentor training haunted his every moment, but at least it was better than running from the Empire. Just like rebels, they would be hunted down and given no quarter for abandoning their posts. They’d signed away their lives. Ophlia seemed more outwardly hesitant than he was, but he wasn’t sure how much of that was just her brusque manner of speaking and general stoic demeanor.

After dinner one night, Sollux decided to turn in early. He felt off, a headache building up behind his eyes, and Trisia just about booted him down the hall to sleep. The training that night with Rapard had worn him down to the bone, and he fell asleep the moment his head hit the reclining platform. Only much later would he make the connection between the taste of the food that morning and Rosmer’s bright, eager eyes watching him across the table to how deeply he slept.

When Sollux awoke the next night, Trisia and Mercuo had gone. Sollux met Ophlia’s eyes across the room, and while she betrayed nothing he could tell she was thinking the same as him. They abandoned us. Sollux got dressed in silence with the three others, and out of the corner of his eye saw Ophlia pick up her tub of face paint to apply it for the night, before putting it down again without a word. She walked out of the room, blank faced as the rest of them to meet their usual instructors for training

One by one as they walked, an instructor pulled them away. Sollux followed Rapard in silence, and came to a stop with him outside an unfamiliar block. “Your final exam, recruit,” Rapard said. “Congratulations on making it to the live interrogation. You will be tested on your ability to extract information from the subject and to resist emotional attachments.” Rapard opened the door, revealing Mercuo stripped down to his shorts and strapped to a chair with his head slumped forward to his chest. “You are tasked with interrogating Mercuo Trevan for his attachments to the rebellion, and discovering the location of Trisia Avarae. Culling the subject before you are given the clear will result in immediate failure and your termination. Is this clear, recruit?”

Sollux nodded, a faint pang in his gut as he entered the room. The door slammed shut behind him, and Mercuo’s closed eyes screwed themselves shut a little tighter. Sollux took stock of the situation, seeing a rolling table to the side of the room, equipped with various tools that he’d become well acquainted with in the gruelling time that they’d been in training. Scalpels, knives, scissors. Bundles of wire. Bottles of different types of fluid, one of which was labeled as liquid nitrogen. A styrofoam container that no doubt contained dry ice. Then there was a kettle, a hairdryer, pliers. Each item, regardless of how innocuous they seemed, all had a grim purpose in this room.

Sollux closed his eyes and inhaled, gathering himself. While Rapard had forbidden immediately culling Mercuo, Sollux doubted that Mercuo would walk out of this one alive. Maybe he could try to give Mercuo a quick death anyway. He’d prefer Mercuo lived, because a distant part of him longed for all of this to end and for everything to be okay again. He missed Ualona. He missed Mercuo swearing at him and Zesaim and Rosmer being normal. He missed Trisia managing to make Ophlia laugh. He missed Karkat, accessible now only to Sollux on the culling block should they meet again.

Sollux opened his eyes, rolling his shoulders before raising his hand to the thermostat on the wall. He cranked the temperature up, and braced as a wave of hot air blasted through the vents. Mercuo stirred then, lifting his head and jerking at his bonds.

“Captor? What… What’s going on?”

Sollux almost gritted his teeth, but the ghostly chill of his memories in the freezer helped tame him back. “I think you know what’s going on. You failed. I’m going to pass.”

Mercuo swallowed hard, running his tongue over his lips as the heat in the room rose. “...Sparks. Fuck, what-- I talked to you yesterday.” His eyes fell on something behind Sollux, and Sollux glanced back to spot a blinking red light in the corner. They were being watched. Sollux wondered how soon they would edit down the footage, how long until they released this as just another schoolfeeding supplemental. 

Mercuo recovered first, fins flaring out in a clear signal of aggression as Sollux approached him. Other than that, his face fell into a familiar blank mask of indifference all interrogatormentors wore. “I don’t know what exactly you want, dude, but you’ll have to try harder.” He laughed, thin and mirthless while not a single muscle in his face twitched. “The temperature trials don’t work so much on me anymore. We both went through them.”

Sollux smacked Mercuo in the face, watching a drop of sweat fly off the seadweller’s nose and across the room. “Then you know how this works. I’m asking the questions.” With the addition of the camera in the room Sollux worked harder to maintain a cold mask of control, killing any last remnant of resistance to his training. He had to pass. He had to live. Mercuo had proven his weakness. “I know you went through the training, I’m not a wiggler.” He picked up the bundle of wires from the table, pushing the operculum back and hooking the metal ends to the seadweller’s delicate torso gills with little clamps. “I don’t care if your pan isn’t scrambled, it’s your body I need weak.”

Sollux clutched the wires then, using them as a conduit to direct psionics through all of Mercuo’s gills at once. Mercuo held himself together for a whole thirty seconds before he lost his nerve and screeched, little trickles of blood bursting from the gills’ fillaments from the shock. He bent as much as he could in his restraints, rasping with his eyes wide as Sollux watched him. “Why did Trisia leave you behind? I thought she cared about you.”

“They shot my ankle out,” Mercuo said, wheezing and wincing. A quick glance down confirmed this-- the seadweller’s whole foot and ankle up to the shin were swathed in bandages. The wound still looked fresh. “I threw her into a pod and made her go.” He lifted his head, baring a shark-toothed grin even as his breathing hitched from the pain. “Anything else, Sparks?”

Sollux clenched his fist around the wires, and he caught the tiniest flick of Mercuo’s fin at the motion. Good, he’d managed to already get a panic response. Still he had to remind himself to keep going, to get the answers. He had to cover the bases. He already knew Mercuo’s name. That was always the first step. He had to make sure the subject was uncomfortable, and the blazing hot room accomplished that.

He cocked back his free hand, punching Mercuo right in the face. Mercuo gagged around blood as the punch to the face caused him to cut his inner cheek on his teeth, and Sollux turned as he recovered to turn the heat up even more with his psionics. “I’m asking the questions. You’re just making this difficult, you know it. This could be over now. Where were you planning to go? You never told the rest of us.” He sent out another wave of psionics at Mercuo’s gills, eyes narrowed. “She had to go somewhere. Where is she?”

Mercuo bit his lip hard enough to bleed even more with the second surge of psionics, eyes watering as his gills started to tear under the psionic pressure. Sweat dripped down his face. “No. Try something else. Fffffuck you, Captor. C’mon. This cheesy villain shtick doesn’t fit you. Like I knew you were compromised, man, but you can still bounce back.”

Sollux wrenched Mercuo’s head back, forcing him to stare up at the bright bulb above them. “You know where she went. But take your time. I’m here all night.” He dropped Mercuo’s head, removing the wires and starting to tape them shut instead with some medical tape provided to him. His fingers slipped a little in the violet blood, but he pressed on and moved up to Mercuo’s neck gills until the seadweller was, for the first time in his life, watertight. He covered Mercuo’s face with a cloth, grabbing a pitcher from the table and pouring it onto Mercuo’s face to simulate drowning for a troll that never should have the context for such a situation. Mercuo yelled and trilled under the cloth, his legs jerking in their bonds as Sollux waterboarded him. He repeated his question, firm and unflinching as the seadweller gurgled.

It took an hour for Mercuo to stop choking and to begin crying instead, and Sollux pulled back when the desperation reached its peak. Mercuo coughed, head lolling back before he caught himself. “No. Fuck you. I’m not budging. Ask something else.”

Sollux grabbed Mercuo’s face, forcing eye contact. “I think you know I won’t budge either. I don’t care if you give me an answer now or after hours of me tearing your guts out through your nostrils.”

He raised the temperature again, and grabbed himself a sip of water after doing so. Mercuo watched him with hungry eyes, actively panting now. Sollux grabbed another towel, a dry one this time, scrubbing away the sweat and water on Mercuo’s face to rob him of the chance to cool himself down. He put the towel down, placing the heel of his hand over one of Mercuo’s eyes. “But if you’re still going to be stubborn, eyes are a pretty quick route to the pan.” Mercuo writhed. “No, Captor, wait-- I’m sorry, we’re sorry! We tried to wake you up, you weren’t moving, it was just like Ualona-- oh god, no no no no oh god Sollux please--”

The seadweller screamed as Sollux turned his psionics on him, burning his eye beyond repair. Blood and fluid bubbled up around Sollux’s hand and Mercuo’s screeching rose in pitch, body jerking as he tried to back away. He screamed himself hoarse for what seemed like hours as Sollux held him there with a single hand, the blood pooling down his face while his other eye glazed over from the pain.

Sollux pulled his hand away, wiping his hand clean on Mercuo’s face. Part of him ached as he saw Mercuo sobbing before him, hated himself and the situation he’d been forced into. That part of him grew quieter as he swiped a smear of violet blood from his cheek and flicked it onto the floor. “You have no right to call me by name.” He placed his hand on Mercuo’s other eye, ignoring the wail that resulted. “You were dead to me the moment you tried to escape.”

“You came up with the idea!”

Sollux glanced back at the camera at the other side of the room. “It never would’ve worked. When you two left without us I realized something.” He leaned in, his face an inch from Mercuo’s. He could smell the sweat and the panicked pheromones whirling around his head. “I’m better off here. They take trolls that are weak and turn them into something stronger. I don’t need to run for the rest of my life.”

“They broke you, Captor, and that’s the point.” Mercuo wheezed, flinching as Sollux pressed down on his eye. “They’ll break you so you can’t feel anything and what’s the point in calling yourself a troll anymore?”

Sollux snorted, and silently berated himself for betraying that emotional response. “They broke me down and built me up again and turned me into a weapon. I’m the one walking out of here alive today. If you give Trisia up, maybe she won’t suffer the same fate as you. I’ll give you one more chance before I take your other eye.”

Mercuo sniffled, starting to hiccup in terror. “Please, Sollux. Please.”

“You have two seconds.”

“I can’t I can’t, I’m so fucking pale for her, I can’t.” He spat then, purposeful and directly onto Sollux’s free hand.

That spelled the beginning of the end for Mercuo. Sollux blinded his other eye then, and after that Sollux tortured the seadweller for hours. They instructors had provided adrenaline, and Sollux forced Mercuo back from the brink more than a few times. He didn’t take a break, not even to grab a bite of the food that a wordless instructor brought in for him.

The process took a total of six hours. Six hours of hell, pushing this person-- who in another life, Sollux could have considered being actual friends with --to just shy of death. Every tool on that table ended up in use. Gills were dried with the blistering heat of the hair dryer. Mercuo’s wounded leg, torn free of its bandages, dunked into the vat of liquid nitrogen and then shattered off like glass. His fins, cut off and then cauterized with the blistering heat of Sollux’s psionics. The delicate filaments of his gills cut by a scalpel with precision, where the nerve bundles were greatest. Dry ice forced down his throat with no reprieve or water in sight. Every little bit of interrogation tricks he’d learned through the course shone through, applied meticulously to ensure that not only would Mercuo still be alive, but he would sorely regret that fact.

Clearly, it was all too much to bear. Mercuo sagged back against his chair, ruined eyes dripping blood onto the floor as his head lolled to the side, making him seem more of a corpse or a daywalker at best. “Kill me, please.” He took in a deep breath, coughing. “She entered in Alternian coords. Shhhekfk- gkgg- Found forums… They have a base down there. New heiress… she’s.. She’s coming. Feferi Peixes.”

Sollux’s ears flicked as he heard a soft beep, and looking to the camera he saw the light had gone green. Any residual guilt had leaked out of him at this point, and he felt nothing upon being given the implicit order to kill one of his dear friends.

No. Allowed. He was allowed the privilege of culling a traitor. 

Sollux put a hand to Mercuo’s chest, powering his psionics up to deadly levels and letting out a shock directly to the seadweller’s bloodpusher. Mercuo smiled right before he did so, croaking a ragged thanks before jerking once. Then he died, breath rattling and rasping to a stop.

Sollux felt nothing at all.

Sollux stepped out of the interrogation room, covered in violet blood and with his back straight. Rapard awaited him, arms folded behind him. He stopped Sollux dead in his tracks by smiling, honestly smiling, reaching out to grab Sollux by the shoulders.

“Nice work, recruit. You’re a natural.”

[okinawanonline]

How to Write Okinawan

As with any language, the first step is learning how to write and read it. So, how do you write Okinawan? Good question. Sometimes it seems like even native speakers aren’t sure how to write it. That’s because there is no standardized writing system in Okinawan. However, there are a few systems that have been made up or adapted for the Okinawan language.

There are four primary ways to write Okinawan. In order from less to most used, we have Roumaji, Katakana, Hiragana, and Majirigachi. 

1. Roumaji Rouma means “Rome” while ji means “character.” This is the Latin Alphabet adapted to write in Okinawan. While you could just write Okinawan in Roumaji and call it a day, it’s probably the least-used writing system for Okinawan. In my experience, the use of Roumaji has been limited to teaching/learning the Okinawan language or for any academic writing about the language. Though Okinawan is usually written in the subsequent writing systems we’ll cover later, you NEED Roumaji to learn Okinawan because Roumaji is the only system that can illustrate certain grammatical conjugations, particularly regarding how you find and create the phonetic stem of a verb. 

When we learn about the glottal stop in Okinawan, this will be reflected in Roumaji with an apostrophe (’) at the beginning of the word. 

There are different versions of Roumaji (for example, the word Roumaji itself can be rendered as Romaji or Rōmaji depending on which system you’re using). The Roumaji system I will use can be found by looking at the Roumaji assigned to their corresponding kana. What’s kana? Well...

2. Katakana Katakana is a Japanese syllabary, meaning that each character represents a syllable. 

Tip for Japanese Speakers: Katakana and Hiragana are Japanese writing systems you are already familiar with. While you have a running start here, please note that there are additional kana combinations for sounds that aren’t present in Japanese, the use of the small ッ/っ to represent a glottal stop, and the variations between how to extend vowel sounds in Hiragana with the ー character.

In the Japanese language, Katakana has multiple uses but is primarily used for foreign loan words. As Okinawan is a foreign language, you may find Okinawan words written in Katakana in Japanese books, signs, or museums. Some Japanese resources will go as far as to create entire textbooks and resources in which Okinawan is written purely in Katakana. However, I and many others think it’s strange to use a writing system for foreign words for the entirety of the language simply because it isn’t the language the script came from. As such, the Hiragana syllabary (covered below) is used much more often by Okinawan speakers when speaking purely in Okinawan. 

As Katakana (and Hiragana later on) are both Japanese scripts and the first step in learning actual Japanese, you can find countless resources for learning Katakana and Hiragana. In fact, these resources can probably cover learning these systems better than I can. So, I’ll post some links to where you can learn Katakana and Hiragana and post a reference chart for you to consult later. 

「Learn Japanese」 The Katakana Syllabary - Learn Japanese (YouTube)

Katakana - Tae Kim’s Guide to Learning Japanese

There are more sounds that can be created with smaller versions of the kana next to certain kana. Please note that there are more sounds in Okinawan than in Japanese so not all of these combinations are covered in the resources above. 

EDIT: I completely forgot ティ (ti), トゥ (tu), ディ(di), and ドゥ (du), some kana combinations that show up quite frequently in Okinawan. 

Other things to note:

There used to be a スィ (si) but it doesn’t seemed to be used today.

To represent glottal stops at the beginning of a word, a small ッ is placed at the beginning of the word in question.

If a small ッ is in the middle of a word, that means there is a double consonant sound for the first consonant sound of the following character. For example:

マッテ - Matte ヵッチ - Kacchi

Though I’m sure the other resources explained it better, for words like these, you start to say that word and stop mid-consonant before picking back up.

If there is a “ー” after a vowel, that vowel sound is extended. For example:

アー - aa イー - ii ウー - uu エー - ee オー - oo

3. Hiragana Hiragana is another Japanese writing system that runs parallel with Katakana (for every Katakana character, there is a Hiragana character). However, when it comes to writing Okinawan outside of a language study environment, I have noticed that the only-Hiragana writing system is much more common than the only-Katakana system. 

There is one point of difference between the Japanese use of Hiragana and the Okinawan use of Hiragana - The “ー” character is (sometimes) used to represent a double vowel in Okinawan Hiragana while in Japanese Hiragana, it is not. As Okinawan has no standard way of writing, some will use ー while others will simply use the Japanese method of writing out the double vowel. For example:

うちなあぐち = Uchinaaguchi うちなーぐち = Uchinaaguchi

Of course, here are some resources that will explain it better than I will, followed by a reference chart. 

「Learn Japanese」 Intro to Japanese - The Hiragana Syllabary, Vowels, Pitch Accents, and More - Learn Japanese (YouTube)

Hiragana - Tae Kim’s Guide to Learning Japanese

There are more sounds that can be created with smaller versions of the kana next to certain kana. Please note that there are more sounds in Okinawan than in Japanese so not all of these combinations are covered in the resources above.

EDIT: I completely forgot てぃ (ti), とぅ (tu), でぃ(di), and どぅ (du), some kana combinations that show up quite frequently in Okinawan.

Other things to note:

There used to be a すぃ (si) but it doesn’t seemed to be used today.

To represent glottal stops at the beginning of a word, a small っ is placed at the beginning of the word in question.

If a small っ is in the middle of a word, that means there is a double consonant sound for the first consonant sound of the following character. For example:

まって - Matte かっち - Kacchi

Though I’m sure the other resources explained it better, for words like these, you start to say that word and stop mid-consonant before picking back up.

In one way to write Okinawan Hiragana, if there is a “ー” after a vowel, that vowel sound is extended. For example:

あー - aa いー - ii うー - uu えー - ee おー - oo

4. Majirigachi First of all, full disclosure, I’m not 100% sure majirigachi is a word. The Japanese word to describe the phenomena here is mazegaki and the Okinawan readings of those characters is majirigachi. Is it actually the Okinawan equivalent of mazegaki? I have no idea. But what is (what I’ll be calling) Majirigachi? Majiri means “mix” while gachi means “writing.” So a mixed script. 

Tip for Japanese Speakers: Majirigachi is the same phenomena in Japanese known as mazegaki. This refers to the primary writing system of Japanese, a mix of using Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji in one system. I do believe Okinawan uses less Kanji than Japanese due to a significantly decreased influence of the Chinese language.

Just like in Japanese, the most common way to write Okinawan today is through a mix of kana and Chinese characters called kanji. These characters represent ideas and come with multiple readings, often attached with kana. 

Historically, Okinawan actually didn’t use kanji. However, in the modern day, as most Okinawan speakers speak Japanese and have become more familiar with associating words with kanji, Okinawan words that have Japanese equivalents that use kanji apply the kanji in a similar way to themselves. This modern form of Okinawan writing can be seen in modern day Okinawan texts as well as on things like plaques for monuments, etc. 

While Japanese has countless resources on learning kanji with their Japanese readings, there are few resources on the Okinawan readings of kanji. The best method would be to know the Japanese language as apply what you know in Japanese to Okinawan (indeed, if you have a background in Japanese, applying kanji to Okinawan isn’t that hard as follows a fairly common sense reasoning as to why certain words use certain kanji). For now, I will use an approach similar to how some students learn Chinese which has a significantly higher volume of characters compared to Japanese - Learn to recognize the characters with the words. I also reccomend looking into resources for the Japanese language regarding kanji and find which method of learning Japanese kanji works best for you. I intend on tackling the issue of how to learn kanji later. But for now, let’s just learn to recognize the characters for words when they show up. 

(Before we move on, I should mention that there have been efforts to create a unique Okinawan writing system but none of them have been spread significantly from the academic circles they originated in. Because most Okinawan speakers wouldn’t recognize the characters created in these bubbles, I will be disregarding them)

Okinawan Writing on This Blog In order to help facilitate the learning of Okinawan, I will be using the Roumaji, only-Hiragana, and Majirigachi writing systems like so:

わんねー沖縄人やいびーん。 わんねーうちなーんちゅやいびーん。 Wannee Uchinaanchu yaibiin. (I am an Okinawan.) 

I am using Majirigachi to help you become more familiar with the use of kanji in Okinawan. The only-Hiragana style will help you with the readings of these kanji. I will be using the ー character in the only-Hiragana style as I’ve seen that style pop up more often. And, of course, the Roumaji will help you as you begin learning Okinawan, help you identify new words, and will be crucial to understanding things like verb conjugation in the future. If you speak Japanese, you already have a head start on things like kana, but if you do not know Hiragana (and even Katakana), I HIGHLY recommend you first start with learning those scripts with the additional unique Okinawan characteristics discussed here and wait until you have a solid foundation in kana before moving forward. 

In review

There is no standard way to write Okinawan.

Okinawan is written in many non-uniform ways, including Roumaji, Katakana, Hiragana, and Majirigachi.

Roumaji is usually only used in academics but is also critical for learning the language.

Only-Katakana is usually used to write Okinawan from a Japanese perspective as a foreign language.

Only-Hiragana and Majirigachi are the most common ways to write Okinawan. 

[elevenharringtons]

Boyfriend

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader (and a tiny bit of Billy Hargrove x Reader)

Summary: You’ve been Steve’s best friend ever since you could remember. The two of you have never defined your relationship with each other, but there’s obviously something there. A few drunken mistakes bring everything to a head. 

Warnings: Profanity, alcohol use, angst, some fluff 

Word Count: 6.8k  (I had a lot to say ok???)

This literally took three months to write because I kept leaving it and coming back to it, not sure where it was going to take me. Some of it in the middle might seem ya-ya’d through because of this fact. HOWEVER, I’m glad of where it ended up, and I feel like if I wrote any more on it, it would turn into a full out novel. It’s based loosely off “Boyfriend” by Ariana Grande + Social House, so you’ll see some lyrics in there, but as a guide. Also, it’s set in between S2 and S3. 

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here’s Boyfriend, aka my first writing endeavor in the Stranger Things fandom. (also, also, requests are open!) 

I don’t wanna be too much And you don’t seem to give a fuck

It had been months since you actually went out, let alone went out and partied. College applications, scholarship essays, and staying on top of your schoolwork kept you extremely busy. Not to mention you were one-half of a babysitting team that you and your best friend, Steve Harrington, were thrust into the night Will Byers had been taken over by the Mind Flayer. Needless to say, you had your hands full and you were ready to let it all go. 

It was the Friday before Spring Break and you had finished your last application out to your “reach school”. It was an application that required two essays, three recommendation letters, and a statement of purpose. You had stayed up the night before perfecting it. Steve threw rocks at your window at midnight (a common occurrence, usually when he was bored), to which you had clumsily accepted, loudly throwing the window open and launching yourself back onto your bed as Steve crept into your room. 

“Subtle much?” “Oh, shut up,” you mumble to yourself. He sits on the edge of your bed, pulling out cans of Coke, bags of your favorite candy, and a box of Number 2 Pencils from his jacket pockets. “Thought you might need a few pick-me-ups,” he smiles, and, as if right on cue, your pencil lead breaks. Steve scrambles to open the box of new pencils to hand you one while the rest clatter to the floor. “Now who’s the subtle one?” You smirk, accepting the new pencil before burrowing your face back into your notebook. Steve looks at all of the paper scattering your bed, taking the actual application into his hands and studying it intently. “Harvard, huh?” “Before you go making fun of me, it’s my reach school.” “I wasn’t going to make fun of you! With the amount of studying you do, you could get into any school you wanted to,” Steve said. “Was that a compliment, Harrington?” You ask, eyes finally taking in the brown-haired boy at the end of your bed. “Uh, no, why would it be?” He fumbled over his words, shaking his head to the point where you thought it might roll across the floor. His cheeks flushed a light shade of pink before he started thumbing through your application again with furrowed brows, occasionally tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Your heart skipped a beat for a moment, before quickly sobering up and going back to your essay. There was no denying that there was something between you and Steve. You had been friends since kindergarten, when his family had moved onto your street. You were there for every playground injury, countless fights with his parents, numerous hookups that turned to feelings that turned to nothing but Steve crying on your shoulder, and, of course, Nancy Wheeler. You two knew everything there was to know about each other and yet kept your distance. Accidental flirting caused you both to be a bumbling mess, trying to compile yourselves before awkwardly acknowledging that it happened and going your separate ways. An endless cycle of frustration on your end. And his end? You weren’t sure. You knew you could catch him off guard at any given moment, but, he never gave off any other vibe than being your best friend. You carefully tore the finished essay out of your notebook and placed it next to your recommendation letters. Steve reached for the essay, only to be slapped away. 

“Uh-uh. Too personal,” you said, taking a box of Nerds from the pile of candy at the foot of your bed. Steve feigned hurt. 

“Too personal? This coming from Y/N, AKA, the only person I tell everything to? I’m shocked, I thought we were better than that.”

“You know how I feel about other people reading my work,” you said. You were known to leave the room the second you heard a teacher read an excerpt from your work as an example in class. 

 “I thought I was supposed to proofread your essays before you sealed the envelope,” Steve looked at you with pleading puppy dog eyes. Your heart fluttered again, but you swallowed your pride. 

“You’re here for moral support, dingus,” you rustle his hair with one hand, causing him to frantically put it back together again.

“Just the guy who brings the snacks.”

“Hey, you’re the one who agreed to it,” you pour a handful of Nerds into your mouth, grabbing all of the paper strewn across the bed and putting it into some kind of order. Steve watched as you mouthed the words on paper to yourself. You could feel his eyes on you, and after a while, began to feel your cheeks heat up.

 “Stop reading my lips, Harrington.”

“I wasn’t!” He flopped onto his back, watching the ceiling fan create slow circles around and around. “Have you ever thought about not leaving Hawkins?”

 “I mean, yeah, but I’ve lived here my whole life. Don’t you want to see what else is out there?” Truth be told, you were terrified of leaving Hawkins. Hawkins was your entire life and leaving meant you would have to leave Steve behind too. He was never one for education, promising you that he would take a couple of community college classes to earn his AA just to prove to his parents that he wasn’t a “failure”, but you? You were almost expected to be the one to make it big; get accepted into a school with a full ride and have a successful life after. You weren’t sure if that was the life you truly wanted. Submitting college applications wouldn’t hurt, though, right?

“Hawkins is changing though. More opportunities. Rumor has it, there’s a new mall opening up soon,” Steve elbowed your leg, looking up at you with childlike wonder in his eyes. You shook your head, making pencil marks in places you wanted changes in your application. His face dropped when he realized you weren’t listening to his untold ‘stay in Hawkins and get a job with me' story. “I’m just saying.”

 “Are you staying here tonight?” You ask, changing the subject completely so you could avoid any anxiety over the potential of leaving Steve in Hawkins for four years. “I left an extra pillow and blanket on my chair, just in case.” “I wasn’t planning on it, but now that you mention it...” “You can go to sleep, I’m just perfecting anyway,” you cracked a smile, noticing his droopy brown eyes drifting between your stack of papers and the bedding in the corner of your room. Steve got up, patted you on the head, and made his bed on the floor next to you. “Don’t work too hard, Y/L/N.” “Don’t count on it.”

And I might not be the one for you But you ain’t allowed to have no boo

You awoke that morning to a blaring alarm, papers on your face, and Steve’s leftover blanket and pillow neatly folded on your floor with a note on top.  

“Don’t worry about breakfast. I’ll have it at your locker when you get to school. See you then.” Breakfast was a common occurrence between you and Steve. It was mostly coffee and donuts from Dunkin’ Donuts, but it was breakfast. You threw your hair into a loose ponytail and slipped into a t-shirt dress before grabbing all of your application envelopes, stuffing them into your backpack, and heading out the door. The bike ride to school allowed you to clear your mind of everything that had happened the night before. The college applications were done and soon to be in the hands of every college you had applied to. It was up to them now, and you were at the mercy of the school board. Dustin was adding his bike to the rack as you pulled into the school parking lot. “Y/N! Aren’t you usually, like, 30 minutes early?” “And aren’t you usually riding to school with the party? Where’s everyone else?”    “Already here. I had to finish a project for class this morning,” Dustin said, pulling out a smushed diorama of the solar system from his duffle bag. “Solar system, huh?” You ask, studying the sad structure. “I didn’t have enough glue, okay? Duct tape fixes everything, I’ve heard,” He replies defensively. You raise your arms in response. “You better get to class. Don’t want anyone to think you’ve been stolen away by the demodogs again, now, do we?” You joke. Demodogs were no joke, though. That was the night you actually thought you might die if it weren’t for Steve. Dustin rolled his eyes. “You want me to get to class? Your boyfriend is the one who’s been moping around with a cup of coffee all morning,” and with that, Dustin was running into the middle school as the 5 minute bell rang. You could feel your cheeks heating up and the world closing in around you. ‘Boyfriend’? “You’re such a little shit!” You yell after him. He raises his middle finger to you with his free hand, the mobile of Saturn almost flying off the diorama as he ran. Huffing, you turn to go to the high school when you run into a wall of muscle, drops of hot coffee spilling onto your arm. “Shit! Y/N! I’m so sorry!” Steve was frantically mopping up the coffee droplets from your arm. “It’s not burning, is it?” “Steve, Steve, calm down! It’s okay, I barely felt it,” you say, watching as the boy slowed his movements. He held out the coffee, which you graciously accepted. “I didn’t forget about the donuts; they’re in my locker. I was walking to class and saw you pulling into school so I figured I’d meet you halfway. Was that Du-“ “Yeah, he was just, um, yeah…We should get to class,” you cut him off before anything else could be said about the little curly-headed boy who insisted Steve was your boyfriend. Steve stood frozen for a minute before reluctantly following you into the high school building. You could hear the small squeaks from his Nikes as he hustled to keep pace with you. “You know, Tina is having a kickoff to Spring Break party tonight,” he says once he is side by side with you. “I didn’t know you knew Tina?” “I mean, old friends, I guess? Anyway, since you’re done with your applications, I was thinking maybe you’d want to let loose a bit.” You stop in your tracks, turning to face Steve. “Are you asking me on a date, Harrington?” “No,” he says matter of factly, “I’m asking if you want to go to a party and forget about college acceptances for a night. I’ll pick you up, though!” You don’t know why your stomach drops when he doesn’t hesitate on not calling this a date. The warning bell sounded more like a foghorn as it blared across campus. You shake yourself out of a trance. “Oh, yeah…great. We should get to class.”

I know we be so complicated But we be so smitten it’s crazy I can’t have what I want but neither can you…

Seven dresses, three pairs of pants, four tops, and three jackets are strewn across your bedroom floor. You’re standing, hands on your hips, in a bra and denim mini skirt, surveying the hurricane of clothes in front of you. It was just a stupid party, what did you care? It’s not like you’d ever been to one before, but tonight felt different. Tonight, you felt like you needed to stand out. It was the last time you might be seeing all of these faces in the crowd before going off to college. That didn’t matter, though. What mattered was Steve. The bike ride from school today made you sit and think about everything that you and Steve had been through together. It made you finally realize that maybe, just maybe, you had feelings for him. In your head, it made sense to dress to the nines and go out of your comfort zone for a night. Maybe you wouldn’t be viewed as the stuck up prude that studies in her room every night. You look in your closet for the last time before grabbing a neon pink tank that was a previous reject from your floor and putting it on. The outfit was simple but bolder than your usual wardrobe. A car horn blares outside, and you know it’s Steve waiting for you. In a panic, you pick up a cropped leather jacket from the mess on your floor and rush out the door. It’s not that you were afraid of immodesty. The jacket was more like your protective shield of sorts; the kind of shield that keeps your good girl reputation intact in case the colleges you applied to were watching. It was 1985, anything could happen. Steve was standing outside of his car as you lightly jog up to him. He was wearing his usual uniform of a t-shirt, jacket, and jeans that were a bit tight, but in all the right places. You catch his eyes scanning your body before snapping back up to meet your stare. “Ready?” You ask, stifling a chuckle as you watch him scramble for words. “Uh, yeah…ready.”    The ride to Tina’s was silent at first, save for the music softly playing from the radio. Steve kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift. You had your legs crossed, right hand tapping along to the beat of the music on the windowsill. Every once in a while, you would feel Steve’s glance on you, but it would quickly fade once you even slightly turned your head in his direction. The silence was killing you, so you spoke up first. “You know Dustin had a project for school today?” “Oh, yeah? What did he bring? Another species that he “discovered”?” Sarcasm dripped from Steve’s speech. “No,” you laughed. “Poor thing brought a very smushed version of the Solar System. Did he tell you about it?” “I couldn’t help him there,” Steve said. “Science isn’t my thing, you know that.” “Did you not hear me say that it was smushed? You could’ve driven him to school!” “Then I couldn’t have gotten you breakfast!” “I would’ve lived! He’s your responsibility in some way now, right?” You counter.    “You wouldn’t have lived. I know you didn’t sleep last night. It’s a wonder that you’re even awake right now,” Steve responds. “I slept last night!” You said defensively. Truth is, you didn’t fall asleep until at least an hour before you had to get ready, and you definitely heard Steve crawl back out of the window. “Bullshit, Y/N. I could see you working until the last minute. There’s no way you got a decent amount of sleep.” “You saw me working?” You counter again. “Light sleeper,” Steve is on the defense now. You smile and shake your head as he pulls up to Tina’s place. Cars are littered across the lawn. Some partygoers lean up against porch railings, nursing beer bottles and red cups filled with God knows what. You notice Nancy Wheeler with Jonathan Byers, which was bewildering to you since Jonathan was never much of a partier. At least Nancy would be occupied for the night, you thought to yourself, not that Steve would even try anything anyway with the way things ended. Steve opened the door for you, interrupting your thoughts. Tina drunkenly stumbles out onto the lawn dragging several other people with her. They all seemed overly enthusiastic to meet you. Then again, maybe it was just the alcohol. “Harrington! You made it!” “Who’s the girl?” “You didn’t tell us you had a girlfriend!” You feel your cheeks start to flush red. “Oh, no, she isn’t…” Steve trails off. “We’re just friends,” you finish his sentence, cheeks going back to their normal shade. It wasn’t a date. Regardless of the comment, Steve’s hand grazes your lower back as he leads you toward the house, making chills ripple down your arms. “Mhmm, we’ll see. Can I get you a drink…ummm…?” Tina struggles to find your name even though you were pretty sure this was the first time you had ever met her. “Y/N,” you respond. “Y/N! Right! Come with me, we’ll get you set up!” Before you know it, Tina is pouring you a plastic cup filled with some kind of sangria. Or maybe a rum and vodka mix? You weren’t sure, but man, was it strong. You watch as a group of boys lead Steve to the beer kegs, trying to egg him on to take back the title of “King” from Billy Hargrove. Steve is vehemently denying wanting to get back on the “King Steve” train, but you watch as two boys lift him up and upside down onto a keg. You catch his glance before he drinks. A wink from him. A smile from you. Your heart is beating out of your chest, and you down your drink to rid the feeling. You slide your leather jacket off and place it on the counter, not feeling the need to hide yourself. You’re here to let loose, right?

You ain’t my boyfriend, and I ain’t your girlfriend But you don’t want me to see nobody else And I don’t want you to see nobody

A few hours pass, and you’ve made your way through four (maybe five?) drinks. You’ve learned Tina’s entire life story, met a new group of girls who also applied to Harvard, and made friends with a girl who went to the same elementary school as you. One person you were missing from the night was Steve. You hadn’t seen him since the keg stands, and there were at least three of them. It was like he was a celebrity, the way they were all standing around the kegs chanting his name. It made you laugh, though. If they only knew how much of a complete softie he was instead of this jock facade that he always seemed to put on in social situations. There is a group dancing in the middle of the room. You spy Tina and a mystery boy, Nancy and Jonathan, the girls that you had met earlier, Steve and…you squint your eyes as if it would help you to see across the room. You can’t tell if they’re dancing or kissing due to Steve’s back being turned to you. Your vision is blurry as you stumble across the floor to get a better look. The girl has curly red hair cascading down her back and wearing the tiniest black dress that would make even Tina blush. Steve’s hands are resting on her lower back, her hands tangled in his hair. Your cheeks flush red and full of hurt. Adrenaline began to take over your entire being. You weren’t sure whether you wanted to pull her away and tackle her to the ground or push her away and slap Steve in the face. Your feet are moving you before you’re ready, taking you quickly across the room and through the tight-knit group of teenagers. Arms reach out to separate the girl from Steve. You might have seen him wince a bit from the girl’s hands being yanked out of his hair, but you weren’t concerned about that in the moment. You’re not thinking straight as your hands fly up to Steve’s face, pulling him to yours in a heated kiss. The room feels still, world silent for a moment as the music still blasts loudly from the stereo in the kitchen. Your head is spinning, the taste of alcohol mixing with your cherry lip balm and the stale faint taste of beer on Steve’s breath. There is not an eye in the room that isn’t on you and Steve. After what feels like an eternity, you pull away, wide-eyed and stumbling backward, not able to decipher Steve’s expression. “Y/N…” you hear your name on his breath in the faintest whisper. It all becomes too much. You turn on your heels and sprint towards the bathroom, barely making it as you barrel through the door and collapse on the cold tile floor. The music still blasts loudly through the house, feeling like a hammer and nail pounding against your head. You just want it all to stop. The headache. The vomiting. The music. The girl dancing with Steve. Hell, at this point, you want to forget Steve. Maybe you’d be able to be a functioning human without having to constantly worry about if Steve is with someone. You could just focus on you. Maybe college was the fresh start waiting for you to forget Hawkins. A knock at the door pulls you out of your thoughts. “It’s taken,” you manage to get out before another wave of nausea hits. The door opens suddenly and closes gently. “What part of taken-?” “Hey.” You look up, staring into the eyes of a boy that you had only seen once (ironically, in another awkward situation involving you in a bathroom), but heard thousands of stories of. To be completely honest, you’d thought they made up the story of Steve getting dethroned as “king” because they were tired of him winning keg races. But, real or imaginary, Billy Hargrove was staring at you from the doorway, leather jacket open, exposing his glistening chest. “Billy? How are you-? What are you-?” “Speechless, sweetheart?” “No, I…I just didn’t see you tonight.” Nice recovery, idiot. “I’ve been around. Came a bit late. Figured I’d say hello.” “While I’m puking my guts out? Wow, what a romantic,” you retort sarcastically. He smiles and kneels down next to you. “Figured you’d need some company.” He gently brushes your hair out of your face and down your left shoulder. Electricity runs through your body in a way you’d never felt before. There is a moment between the two of you as Billy leans in closer. “I’m fine,” you say finally. You brush the butterflies in your stomach off as an early hangover and stand up to wash your face. Billy stands up and snakes his hands around your waist as you’re drying your face with a towel. Before you know it, he is spinning you around and pressing you against the sink. He dips his head in the crook of your neck, eliciting a small gasp from you as his lips gently graze along the sweet spot of your neck. You feel Billy smirk against your skin as you tip your head back ever so slightly, his lips continuing to explore your collarbone. You’re here to have fun, right? “Y/N?” A gentle voice is at the door and you know immediately know that it’s Steve. You feel Billy’s grip on your thighs tighten as you jump, reality hitting you square in the face. “Come on, Y/N, open up. It’s me. Look, I just want to talk about...about...you know...” Your head is spinning out of control. If Steve caught you with Billy, that would absolutely be it. The last time you dressed a wound of Steve’s was when he was protecting the kids from Billy. You could still hear Dustin’s panicked, but hushed voice on the phone, telling you to come over, it was really bad. A shudder rings through your body. You didn’t want to think about the wounds that would have to be dressed if Steve walked in on this scene. The doorknob begins to wobble, Steve still gently knocking on the door. Adrenaline surges through you enough to push Billy off of you so you could at least plant your feet on the ground. Billy grins. “If I’m not mistaken, that must be Pretty Boy himself standing on the other side of that door.” It’s almost cinematic as you watch the door swing open revealing a brown-eyed boy with a pout on his lips. He looks up at Billy with disgust, and then to you with hurt. You feel your heart shatter into a thousand pieces. “Well, I was coming to check on Y/N…but I see she’s got all the help she needs,” Steve says. Billy leans up against the doorframe, arms crossed. You wished you could slap that shit-eating grin off his face. You wished his cologne would stop wafting off of your clothes and into the air. You wished, more than anything, that you could stop replaying Steve’s expression in your mind. “No, no, no, you’re not getting away that easy, Pretty Boy. You wanted to talk about something? Now’s your chance.” “Billy,” you manage to choke out. You knew exactly what he was doing and you weren’t prepared to sit back and watch it happen. “Don’t get in the middle of this, sweetheart. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to that pretty little face of yours,” Billy smirked, bringing a hand to the corner of your mouth gently, which you promptly swatted away. You wanted to make Steve jealous before, but not this way. Not here. Not with Billy. Part of you began damning yourself for even kissing Steve in the first place. If jealousy wouldn’t have played a part in this, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You try reminding yourself of the redhead. The way she had her fingers twirling Steve’s hair. His smile as she swayed to the rhythm. Steve’s defeated expression in the doorway kept pulling you away. “Don’t talk to her like that,” Steve whispered. “You’re brave for still being around these parts, you know that, Harrington? How about I kick your ass again to remind you why you shouldn’t be here.” Billy’s hands clenched into fists. Steve’s cheeks flushed rage. You just wanted out of this situation. With what little strength you had remaining, your hand met the back of Billy’s head with a loud smack. Billy turned to face you, one of his hands immediately flying up to the pulsing red spot you had left him with. “Just go, Billy.” You say sternly. Billy eyes the both of you, chuckling softly. He turned to disappear back into the party, but not before body checking Steve on his way out. You watch as Steve winces, eyes wandering up to meet yours. Before you can open your mouth, Steve is following suit, disappearing into the wave of teenagers. Tears sting your eyes, begging to be released. You blink them back as you follow Steve’s path. You had to fix this.

I promise the way we fight Make me honestly feel like we just in love … I lose my mind when it comes to you

The cold night air is a pleasant change from the humidity between bodies in Tina’s crowded living room. The breeze wasn’t helping the fact that there were still tears in your eyes, each wind blowing past threatening to release an entire ocean. Your eyes were locked on Steve’s silhouette as he walked towards his car. “Steve!” You’re yelling for him until you’re hoarse. It’s not until you’re directly on his heel that he turns to face you. His eyes are red and you can see where a few tears had cascaded down his face. “Why.” “I should ask you the same question,” you counter. Steve shakes his head, spinning back around to open his car door. You grab his arm. “I don’t want to hear it, Y/N,” he says coldly. “Please.” Steve sighs and closes the car door, leaning against it. A tear escapes his eye. You reach up to wipe it away but he swats your hand away to take care of it himself. “You were in there with him,” his voice cracks. “He-“ “You were in there with him, Y/N! You’re going to try and deny it? What? After you kiss me, making me look like the biggest idiot on the planet for not immediately running after you? And then the moment I do, he’s blocking my way? What the hell?” “Steve it isn’t-“ “What do you mean it isn’t like that? You’re going to kiss me, after everything we’ve been through, and then I walk into that? Is this a game to you? Our whole…everything?” You watch as Steve hesitates in continuing his speech. Tears stream down his face, and your heart shatters in a million pieces. You can’t help the tears that well up in your eyes. The girl dancing with him seems like a blur in your mind. Just another one of the girls that loved him and left him within the same day. Just another heartbreak you would have to deal with as you stroked his hair late at night and told him that “the one” is out there. Him not knowing that “the one” had been there all along. “Steve…” “All this time, you know? I really thought I had you figured out. One moment, we’re sitting on your bed cracking jokes together, and then the next you’re…I really thought…shit,” he takes a moment to rub his eyes and get his thoughts together. “Look. I made a mistake, okay? That girl…that girl was a distraction. I was trying to get your attention.” “And you got it. What makes you think Billy wasn’t a mistake?” You respond. “Because it’s Billy. I mean, he just looks at girls and gets them to do anything for him. And he’s in there taking care of you? Something I should-“ “You think I wanted him in there, Harrington?” You interrupt. “The last thing I wanted while near death on the floor was fucking Billy Hargrove trying to feel me up. I…I wanted you, Steve. I’ve always wanted you, Steve.” Steve’s eyes light up for the first time that night. He runs his fingers through his hair, a nervous tick that you had picked up on over the years. Now it’s you who had tears streaming down your face. Steve’s hands move to wipe them away and you let him. His hands linger. They’re soft, save for the rough callouses on his left hand from that one year he tried to pick up guitar. You lean into his hands. It’s the first time you actually felt secure all night. “Can we…start this night over? Forget that any of this happened?” “I would like that,” you nod through tears, smiling. “On one condition.” Steve’s face falls and he takes his hands away from your face, worry in his eyes. You reach for his arms and place them around your waist, taking his face in your hands. “Stop being so goddamn stubborn.” And with that you kiss him gently, Steve returning the kiss before pulling away. “Only if you stop first.” You playfully swat at his chest as he leans in for another kiss, which you happily return. “Let’s get out of here.”

If you were my boyfriend, and you were my girlfriend I prolly wouldn’t see nobody else But I can’t guarantee that by myself

A month passed since you sent in your college applications. A month of agonizingly looking up at your ceiling fan until school started, then coming home and looking longingly out at the mailbox; a cycle you had grown quite accustomed to. Today was no different. As soon as the bell rang, you were darting out of the classroom and sprinting to your locker, fumbling with the lock as if it were the first day of school all over again. “Whoa, whoa, slow down there, Jethro,” Steve sidled up next to you, taking the lock from your hands and opening it for you. You throw your social studies book in the locker, throw your backpack over your shoulder, and grab your psychology book before slamming the door and starting down the hallway. “What if today’s the day?” “You’ve been saying that for a month, Y/N,” Steve is struggling to stay alongside you through the constant wave of students trying to get to the buses. “Okay, but what if?” You grab his hand and drag him down the hallway to the bike rack. The party is also getting out of school and grabbing their bikes, and there you are holding Steve Harrington’s hand. “Gross!” Dustin is the first to speak. “You all are holding hands?” Lucas adds. “When did this happen?” Mike is almost disgusted. “Guys, stop it. I think it’s kind of cute,” Will, always the gentleman, smiles at you, while getting looks from his friends. “Yeah, it’d be cute if it wasn’t Steve!” Dustin replies. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asks. “I mean, it’s you.” “Uh-huh, yeah, very original.” “And you’re holding hands.” “Okay? And what if I did this,” Steve leans down and kisses you passionately to a chorus of “ewww” and “gross” and “please stop”. You pull away, grabbing your bike. “Well, boys, it was lovely to chat, but I have to go see if there is an acceptance letter waiting in my mailbox. You kiss Steve again (to the party’s dismay) before pedaling away. “I could just drive you, you know? It’d be quicker!…And you’re gone,” Steve yells after you. Dustin puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, buddy. You’ve got us to keep you company.” “Yeah, just in case, you know, she never comes back,” Mike adds. “She just went home, she’s not dead, you idiots,” Steve countered, although he couldn’t help the nagging thought in the back of his mind that you would get accepted to one of your dream schools and leave him in Hawkins. Will noticed Steve’s subtle change in expression. “Steve, are you okay?” “What? Uh, yeah, I’m fine. I need to go make sure Y/N gets home,” he says, digging through his jacket pocket for his car keys. “Are you coming to movie night?” Dustin yelled after him. “I mean, I don’t have a choice, do I?” Steve yells back. “Unless you want Mike and Lucas to get in another fight!” “Hey!” Mike and Lucas both hit Dustin on the side of the head. Steve turns to face the party, still walking back towards the parking lot. “I’ll be there at seven. You dipshits better not kill each other before I get there, got it?” The party nods collectively as Steve turns back around to find his car. Once he drives away, it’s a silent drive to your house. The inside of Steve’s mind was anything but quiet, though, as he still was thinking about what the kids were saying. They were kids, what did they know? But you were super smart. There was no doubt in his mind that you wouldn’t get accepted to Harvard. You did every extracurricular he could think of, plus got straight As, plus tutored him when he was struggling with algebra. Harvard was just too far from Hawkins. Purdue would be better so he could visit you, but he didn’t want to influence your decision in any way. You were sitting in your driveway, rifling through envelopes as he pulled up next to your house. “How’s it going?” You place three creme colored envelopes in front of you as Steve approaches, and stuff the rest of the mail in your backpack. He sits next to you, reading the return addresses. “Purdue, Ohio, and Harvard,” you breathe. “Which one should I open first?” Steve’s jaw clenches as he reads the schools in his mind over and over, mulling over in his mind how far of a drive Ohio was, how close Purdue was in respect to Hawkins, and truly how far Harvard was. Was he just exaggerating? He feels your eyes boring into the side of his head. “Harvard,” he blurts, silently cursing himself for doing so. You tense up. “I was gonna do that one last, you know? Save the best for last?” “Oh, no, it’s okay! It’s totally fine! Um,” he stammers. There’s a silence between the two of you before you begin to laugh at him. “Steve. Whatever happens, I’m not leaving you, okay?” “It’s just that-“ “I know. You are worried that I’m going to move away, find some college guy that is better than you, and fall in love. It’s not gonna happen, Steve. I waited this long for something to happen between us, and I’m not messing it up because of college. Plus, there’s no one out there who is going to make me think that they’re better than the boy who adopted a baby blue tang at the Hawkins Aquarium for my seventh birthday” you assure him. 

Steve smiles at the memory. You wouldn’t shut up about the fact that you could adopt your own fish and visit it every day. Your parents didn’t have enough money at the time to do it for you, and when you came to Steve’s for a playdate after spending the morning at the aquarium, crying and holding onto a ragged blue tang plush, he silently vowed to save all of his allowances to adopt a fish for you. It was quite possibly your fondest childhood memory. “But, long-distance is hard.” “Stevie, we don’t know what any of these say. For all I know, they could all be rejection letters,” you reply. “You know that’s bullshit,” Steve laughs, leaning back on his arms. “Now, are you going to open the letters or let them blow away in the breeze?” You carefully opened the Harvard letter, unfolding the trifold, and reading silently to yourself. Your face fell slightly at the result. An acceptance. You were so prepared for rejection, why weren’t you happy that you got into the most competitive school in the country? Your reach school? But there was the acceptance embossed on nice card stock paper with your name on it and it made you sick. “It’s a no,” you say carefully, not wanting to convey the actual result to your boyfriend. “No it’s not,” Steve said, reaching for the letter. “Let me see.” “No, Steve. It’s a no,” you say, stuffing it back into the envelope and tossing it in your backpack with the rest of the mail. “I should’ve known anyway.” “Hey, come here,” Steve envelopes you in a warm hug, fingers running through your hair. “They don’t deserve you.” You lean into his embrace and before you know it, you’ve both fallen on the driveway, laughing as you went down. Steve kisses your cheek. “I could lay here forever.” “I couldn’t, I’ve still got two letters to open,” you bolt upright. Steve looks at you with pleading eyes. “I’m just joking.” You say, flashing a smile. “Let’s see what the other two say,” Steve lays on his side as you open the letters from Ohio and Purdue. Both acceptances, of course. Getting accepted to Purdue made you feel more at ease. It wasn’t Harvard, but it was home. “I have until the end of the month to make a decision,” you say, reading the last sentence on your Purdue letter. “Well, how many more are you waiting on?” Steve asks. “Four, but I think I’ve made a decision,” you say, smiling. “I’m going to Purdue.” “Are you sure you don’t want to wait?” Steve quizzes you, but you can tell he’s trying to hide his excitement from your decision. “I mean, it kind of makes me nervous to leave Indiana. I mean, I’m getting out of Hawkins, which is what I wanted, but I’m not far from home. Plus, I’ve got a good reason to stay close,” you say, leaning in to kiss him. He deepens it, pulling you as close as humanly possible. You smile into the kiss but pull away gently. “We should head inside. Kind of weird to be making out on my driveway, don’cha think?” ***************************************************************************************************** You’re snuggled into Steve’s side as Return of the Jedi is nearing its end. The boys are all asleep on Dustin’s floor, El is snuggled into your side asleep, Max next to her. If you had a camera, you would totally set it up to take a picture of the scene around you. In that moment, you truly felt like you were in your element. Movie nights with the party were your favorite, and you loved that you had El and Max to keep you sane while the boys were fighting amongst themselves. It made you that much more excited that you would be close to them so you could watch them grow. However, there was one thing that you felt that you couldn’t let go. You feel Steve’s head droop down onto yours. “Steve,” you whisper. “Hmm?” “You’re falling asleep.” “No I’m not,” he slurs sleepily. “I have to tell you something,” you say. “Hmm?” “I didn’t get rejected from Harvard. They accepted me.” Steve stirs. “I was born at night, but not last night, Y/N. You’re bad at hiding your facial expressions.” You roll your eyes, trying your best to ram into his side without disturbing El and Max. Steve hugs you closer with sleepy eyes. “But I’m glad you’re here.” “Yeah. Me too,” you smile.

You were truly home.

[bearhatarmy]

I really really miss photography. 

Photography feels like an old friend I’ve lost touch with. It pains me greatly that I just don’t have the energy or stamina to do it anymore. It really filled a creative void after I was unable to create my original comedy posts any longer. My illness keeps taking and taking from me and it is a challenge to find ways to adapt and cope.

The saddest part is that I felt like I was just starting to master photography as an art form. I was at that point where I could instinctively do all of the technical things and concentrate purely on the art. Lighting was becoming intuitive to me instead of a complicated puzzle I had to solve each time.

Yes, I took a lot of photos that I am really proud of. (Which I am spreading throughout this post).

But sometimes I mourn the photos I could have taken if my chronic illness hadn’t worsened.

It’s also hard seeing the new cameras and lights that have been released since I had to stop. I *just* missed a technological revolution. New features that would have allowed me to do more with less energy. To push the boundaries of my creativity. To get shots I could only dream of back then.

Full frame mirrorless cameras have opened up so many creative possibilities. The low light performance, the detail, the dynamic range--it has all been improved greatly in just a few years. But there are also many automated usability features that allow the camera to offload work and concentration from the brain. These new digital wonders can even be used as cinematic quality video cameras--something I would have liked to have explored.

I had to take these match photos in a pitch-black room, with a reversed lens, with no control over my aperture, and a manual flash. It took forever to time it properly because I had a whopping 3 frames per second. It would have been a cinch with a mirrorless camera, with super fast burst modes and an electronic viewfinder. You can see exactly what your image will look like before snapping it. But you can also “see in the dark” using a high ISO preview. Before you had to use a live view mode on the back screen. But on older cameras that mode was clunky and slow and... it just sucked.

Enlarge!

MOAR BIGGER!

Weirdly, one of the biggest advances is due to a shortened “flange distance” where the lens connects to the camera body. It seems like a small thing. Literally only a centimeter or so. But because of the lack of mirror, camera designers are able to move the lens closer to the sensor and design more advanced lenses with incredible sharpness. Combined with increased megapixel counts, that would have been amazing for my macro photos.

Electronic viewfinders take the guesswork out of exposure--even in bright sunlight where screens get washed out from glare. And being able to compose portraits with highly accurate eye-tracking autofocus would have been a tremendous advantage. 

No more “focus and recompose.” 

No more “Did I get the eye? Let me zoom to 100% on this tiny screen.” 

I could have spent more of my concentration getting natural expressions from my subjects and composing my photos without distraction.

And IBIS! 

I missed out on motherhecking IBIS!

This photo of my wonderful friend Erin was taken handheld at sunset. The original RAW version was extremely dark--even though I was using a high ISO. I had to do a ton of work to get this to not look like noisy garbage. But there just wasn’t any other way to capture it... UNTIL NOW.

IBIS (eye-bus/👀-🚌) or “in-body image stabilization,” allows the camera sensor to kind of... float. You can eliminate camera shake caused by the subtle micro-movements when handholding. 

How do I explain it? Ummmm...

It turns the sensor into a chicken head.

So instead of increasing the ISO (which is like a volume knob for light which gets grainier as you crank it), you can lower your shutter speed. In the past, depending on the lens, 1/60th of a second was about as slow as you could set it. With IBIS, as long as the scene you are capturing is relatively still, you can take photos in very low light without a tripod. This is great because tripods are a pain in the ass and you can’t always have one handy. Plus, you can combine an IBIS camera with a stabilized lens to get a de-blurrification multiplier. Then you can get sharp handheld photos that are technically considered long exposure. I’ve heard people say they got sharp photos exposing at several seconds. Literally going from a fraction of a second to 2 goddamn Missisisppi. I can’t even quantify how many fantastic photos are being taken right now that would have been unusable blurry messes a few years ago. We get to enjoy these photos all because they installed a chicken head inside cameras.

AND DARN IT ALL TO HECK I HECKING MISSED IT, GOSH HECKING DANG IT!. 

Sorry... didn’t mean to curse like a sailor that stubbed his toe while stepping on a Lego. 

I think I’ll have a cool refreshing root beer to calm my IBIS envy.

(Those water droplets are a total fraud, by the way. It’s fake blood without the red added.) 

And with the progress in battery and wireless technology, artificial lighting has become lighter and more portable while still being powerful enough to compete with the sun. I could have used strobe lights in my little studio, packed them up into a small case, and gone to the middle of the field to use them there.

Yes, I was able to convert my old studio lights to be “portable-ish” but we had to lug so much equipment to accomplish this photo of Brittany in the red dress. The battery pack alone weighed as much as one modern light. I was stuck in bed for a week afterward from all of the carrying of heavy gear.

Before that, this was my hacked together “outdoor” light. The Flash-O-Tron 3000. It looks cool but it was delicate and hard to get through doorways.

After charging 12 AA batteries overnight, I had to drag this contraption outside at the buttcrack of dawn to get my favorite photo of Otis. 

I had to use a handheld mirror to reflect my popup flash in the direction of the Flash-O-Tron 3000 to trigger it. It worked about 25% of the time. Oh, and I was laying on cold wet grass, manually tracking Otis--who refused to sit still. I had to line up a single autofocus point on his head for every snap. The concentration required felt like my brain was juggling chainsaws.

But guess what they invented last year?

PET. EYE. AUTOFOCUS. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 

A little robot inside the camera is all, “Hey, that’s your dog’s eye!” and just follows it no matter where your pup moves.

I NEEDED THAT SO BAD!

This shot took 10 minutes of me trying to lock onto his eye with a macro lens. The depth of field at that distance was the width of his eye and, again, he does not sit still. 

I want a time machine so I can go back and retake every blurry Otis photo. 

Also, many of the modern strobes have NO WIRES. You just stick a thing on top of your camera and you can set off lights several football fields away. My photo studio has tons of wires routed in the ceiling and coming out of the walls. 

[Hi-Res Version]

And then those wires all go into a weird analog remote with old school sliders that controlled the power of the flashes. But the sliders were difficult to finely adjust.

Now you can load an app on your phone and adjust the flash power digitally and adjust the brightness in 10% increments. You can save lighting ratios and recall them instantly. And you can preview your work with high powered LED modeling lights so you don’t have to take 50 test shots. 

No more nudging a light and taking a picture. Raising the power and taking a picture. Swapping out a modifier and taking a picture. Back and forth, back and forth. 

Essentially, what you see is what you get, so setting up lighting takes a fraction of the time and effort with these new lights and cameras. That would have been so helpful with my disability.

Oh... the lights are less expensive too.

The future of camera tech looks exciting as well. I think the computational photography that is in the latest smartphones will soon be added to more professional cameras. That is going to make high-end photography so much more accessible to anyone who wants to try it as a hobby. The learning curve will flatten further, and as long as you are creative, you will be able to take beautiful, high-quality photos.

Some might say that not having all of the new tech helped me gain important experience, expertise, and problem-solving skills. Some believe the inconveniences are a photographer’s trial by fire. The struggle makes the art more authentic. And since I learned how to do it the hard way, my journey is more valid than some photography influencer on Instagram with an iPhone.

To that I say... BULLLLLSHEEIIIT.

Those inconveniences just made me SUPER DUPER TIRED.

And some of those influencers take really kickass photos. Not all of them are butts either.

I love photography but there is a reason I had to stop. Like anything, doing it well was a lot of work. I always ended up having to quit taking photos much sooner than I wanted. I had to scale back my ambition to fit my energy requirements. I could only do photography on days when my body was cooperating fully. I had to cancel many photoshoots because the preparation was just too much to handle. And after my bigger projects it took me forever to recover.

GIVE ME ALL THE CONVENIENCES PLEASE.

That “you have to struggle” attitude is no-good-gatekeepy-ableist crap. 

Old photographer grumps are upset because they spent years learning how to focus manually on horseback and use the sunny 16 rule and develop film in a converted shed they built by hand and now “those darn kids” can use an iPhone on a skateboard while doing a kickflip with their eyes closed and still pull focus.

However, despite there being a lower barrier for entry, the technological improvements add new complications to the advanced side of things. So you can make photography as difficult as you desire if you are willing to learn new stuff. Which old school photo grumps are notoriously averse to.

This new tech has all kinds of novel things to discover and figure out. There is drone photography. There is advanced macro photography using robotic focusing rails and ever-improving focus stacking software. You can now network more lights together than ever before. Karl Taylor did a photoshoot with 12 lights! (Captain Picard would totally lose his shit.) Long lasting batteries and computerized sliders have created new timelapse possibilities. Stabilization software allows complex hyperlapse videos. Better low light performance and sharper lenses with big apertures combined with stacking or star trail software has improved astrophotography. Advances in material science have allowed darker and darker high quality neutral density filters for extreme long exposure photos. New focus tracking algorithms have allowed for wildlife photography that was never possible before. You can capture fast-moving birds in the sky from farther away and still get amazing detail. Faster burst modes allow people to capture split-second action. Never miss a good header at your kid's soccer games. (Is that a thing? I have no kids and don’t remember how to soccer.) IBIS allows photography without a tripod. So now people can trek to harder to reach areas, AT NIGHT, and take sharp photos with little noise. Increased dynamic range and new HDR displays will allow photographers to take images of lights and capture their actual intensity. What if the lights in photos could glow like they do in real life? Think about a neon sign at night in the rain reflecting in a puddle. That would look so neat. 

Not to mention learning how to process photos in editing software is an entirely separate and challenging skillset you can master. There are thousands of techniques you can learn to elevate your images. Dodging & burning, frequency seperation, and compositing, oh my! Programs like Lightroom and Photoshop are constantly updated with new features that expand possibilities.  

None of that is easy. It will all require diligent study and practice to master. Technical skills will always be an aspect of photography that anyone can pursue. But not everyone will need as much technical skill to start having fun and create art. 

And much to the chagrin of those grumps... phones are perfectly viable to create that art and they will keep getting better.

You might find it odd that this love letter and goodbye to photography has so much talk of technical gadgetry. But, for me, it isn’t out of place in this sentimental essay. Technology was my first love. My parents bought me a 66mhz Packard Bell computer when I was 12 and technology was the first thing I was ever good at. I learned every function of that machine. I would sometimes break it just so I could learn how to fix it. I took it apart and put it back together. It was my first true obsessive hobby. I found my creativity soon after, and I immediately used that technology to help me create art. I wrote comedy. I learned how to digitally paint. I recorded music. And eventually I found photography. It was the perfect marriage of technology and art. I could nerd out as much as I want while still getting my creative fix. 

So yeah... I miss it all. 

I miss all of the technical nerdery. I miss trying out new gadgets. I miss editing the photos I’ve taken. I miss taking pictures of my beautiful friends. I miss taking pictures of weird products. I miss asking Delling to call apiaries to find me freshly dead bees so I can take macro shots of their fuzzy little torsos.

I really hope some day I find a treatment that gives me enough energy to take photos again.  

Thankfully my writing helps me feel creative and productive and fulfilled. And it’s something I can do even if I’m not able to get out of bed. And I am grateful I have so many awesome people that actually want to read what I have to say.

So thanks to everyone for that. 

I always find a way to move forward. That’s just the nature of surviving chronic illness. But glancing back at what I lost is a pain I never quite get used to. 

Though, writing this has helped. 

Looking back at all that I accomplished has helped. 

And I do feel lucky I was able to accomplish what I did--even if missing it makes me sad sometimes.  

[leowenila]

On The Brink (Day One, Again)

Hello! I started writing this about a month or two ago, but never finished it because life got in the way and prevented me from writing it; but I finally took the time to finish this from just missing early season fifteen Omelia and how spontaneous that kiss was. Throughout the beginning of this story, it may seem like it favors a particular ship more but please read the entire fic for the real and true ship; Omelia! There are many moments in this story that actually pained me to write and might be slightly out of character, but I guess that’s the feeling that happens in writing fanfiction that sadly will never be canon. I wasn’t sure of a good title, so it has two titles. 😊 Please enjoy this very angst filled (reunion worthy) and long one-shot!

Part two of “Shepherd’s Superheroes” will be posted eventually (I promise) and part two of “Strength Runs in the Family” is being written. Thank you all for your patience!

Regardless of the alternative pain relief she sought out with the blonde orthopedic surgeon and the delicious donuts they shared on an occasion as of late, there was one thing Link and Amelia never seemed to come to an agreement on or at least an understanding. The course of treatment and bedside manner they used with their patients in doing so. His charisma and overly optimist charm usually disallowed the realism she had always used with her patients as explaining possible complications or side effects. That terrible evening was no different than all the others.

The emergency department was crowded yet under control from the management of Teddy Altman; who hovered back and forth between triage beds as doctors of all rankings treated patients lying on beds. Once seeing the female attending from the main elevator; Amelia walked towards her for where a neurological consult was needed.

“You needed a neuro consult?” The brunette asked with tiredness but awareness heavy in her voice. Teddy checked the electronic tablet in her hands that listed all the patients that made their way into the hospital.

“Yes; bed seven. The paramedics said when they found him he was unconscious due to a potential overdose but needed confirmation. Is that okay with you?”

Amelia confusingly looked at the blonde cardiothoracic surgeon, in hopes to receive an answer as to why she questioned if it was okay with the brunette. But her mind was focused elsewhere. Choosing not to question, the neurosurgeon casually made her way over towards the seventh bed along the wall. Once standing in front of his lifeless and extremely pale body, Amelia removed her penlight to confirm if the man’s bright green pupils were fixed and dilated. She then moved onto a nerve test which came back with no response. Amelia glanced up towards the ceiling and sighed with disappointment after having a small hope for the middle aged man.

“Damn it.” She cursed under her breath quietly as she tore off the blue gloves from her hands and stopped by the main nurses station to inform them.

Over the past six months with no matter how many fake smiles or AA meetings she attended, a rather large part of her was craving an icy vodka tonic or maybe several; since the trauma surgeon’s daughter was born. And although Teddy chose Tom as her partner and to be Allison’s father; Amelia still felt on the brink of losing everything if for some reason Owen wanted the blonde in his life permanently again. With the constant arguments with Link, having to watch her sister-in-law’s children more than she did before due to Meredith picking up more hours at the hospital and finally, the patient that strangely resembled Ryan that night; everything felt overwhelming in Amelia’s life again and panic was ever so present. She missed the family life she had been creating with Owen. And Betty; she missed that girl everyday. If she was being honest with herself; she even missed her mom dearly ever since returning home from New York.

Roughly twenty two minutes after she had confirmed that the patient was dead, the brunette made her way towards her quiet but well lit office and sat back to hopefully catch her breath, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

Broadcasting a large smile on his face that caused almost tooth in his mouth to appear, Link beamed upon seeing the woman in front of him who held the handset of the business phone, his smile lessened.

“What’s going on?” The blonde orthopedic surgeon questioned the brunette. She exhaustively looked at him and shook her head before speaking. With Link she always felt as though she had to be careful of what she would say to him, he was so positive about everything and the brunette did not want to drag him down into her sorrowful mood; but with the trauma surgeon, she felt herself. Eight months without Owen was exhausting. Eight months of being a shell of the person she was becoming after her surgery, was slowly killing Amelia as the days passed by.

“I am about to call the girlfriend of a man who suddenly overdosed and I already know the unimaginable pain she will feel, from the second I tell her.” Amelia told him flatly. The man in front of her looked confused as to why she would know the pain of losing someone to an overdose; and although he had many questions, he allowed her to make a phone call and walked out of the neurosurgeon’s office for privacy.

“Ms. Copeland; this is Dr. Amelia Shepherd, the chief of neurosurgery at Grey Sloan Memorial, I am calling in regards to your fiancé Lucas Bishop, who came into our emergency department about three hours ago now. Do you have a moment to discuss this matter?”

Once the phone call was made; the brunette grabbed her rather large purse and light sweater hanging over a wooden coat rack before switching the light in her office off. Amelia walked past Link with an electronic tablet in her hand and set it down on the nearest nurses desk.

“If Marie Copeland comes into the emergency department; ask for her to speak to Dr. Korarick for further details. I called him and he should be here in about ten minutes.” The neurosurgeon told the charge nurse, sitting at the desk. The nurse shook her head as she watched the brunette with understanding eyes.

Link saw Amelia and ran towards her, and placed his large hand on her back. He sensed her anger and sadness but looked past it before speaking to her, the orthopedic surgeon needed an honest answer to his unsaid question; but hopefully wishing he could take her back to his place to enjoy some seafood.

“Hey; so uh, How about we have some sushi delivered to my place tonight, and we could maybe talk about whatever is bothering you. I know you care deeply about your patients; but there is going to come a day when his fiancé forgets about this day completely. You know? Let’s go and get some sushi.”

The brunette quickly whipped her head back around, causing her hair and coat drift slightly. Her nose was a pinkish-red tone and her eyes were bright red with the slightest bit of puffiness to them. Amelia was about to break sooner or later, the sharp yet crystal clear vodka was screaming her name, she knew that she was going to order the moment she sat down at Joe’s Bar and the voices in her head telling her to stay sober were whispering in the distance but she was trying to shut them out; just like she was trying to do so with Link.

“A woman’s fiance just died and your first response is that “she will get over it some day” I told you that I know the pain she will feel, so what? Do you expect me to be over the loss I had years ago due to an overdose? What makes you seem like the nicest guy to all your patients but whenever it comes to your co-workers, you nitpick every detail they do in their personal lives! Why does it even matter if this case is bothering me or not?”

Nearby doctors began to form a small crowd around once hearing the chief of neurosurgery scream the last question to the orthopedic surgeon. He stood there confused and surprised that the woman confessed such a private thing to him in practically the entire intermediate care unit and doctors on the floor.

“Because Amelia! That is what people do; they take care of each other when they spend almost half their work lives together! Who was it? Your brother? Oh; that’s right, it couldn’t have been. Because your sister-in-law didn’t call you when the great god of neurosurgery was his death-bed so you didn’t get to say goodbye to him. How does it make you feel knowing that if you were called; he would still be walking these halls? He is dead because of you!” Link bravely told Amelia with not an ounce of regret in his voice and allowed his true feelings to come out. The neurosurgeon stood still where she was standing as a silent tear escaped her sky blue iris; never in her life did she have someone say something quite like that to her. Trying to stay strong as long as possible, Amelia needed to leave and without her knowledge her legs ran faster than she knew.

From afar stood Maggie with an electronic tablet in her hand; unbelievably shocked and saddened to hear what the orthopedic surgeon just had said to her sister, she quickly removed her phone from her lab coat pocket and placed the phone in the crook of her neck.

The streets were dark and nearly empty as the brunette traveled through the quiet suburbs of Seattle. Just like the people in them, many of the homes were sleeping while a few remained well lit. Although the roads were pitch black, there was one home and it’s driveway that she could never forget. Before she shut off her engine after pulling into the familiar driveway, Amelia wiped away the constant flow of tears that escaped from her eyes. She wasn’t sure if they were tears of sadness over her life as a whole lately or tears of realizing that just an hour earlier; she could have potentially relapsed but stopped herself. The young neurosurgeon knocked on the colored door until it felt like her knuckles were bleeding from the cold air she waited in, she began to grow anxious. Maybe she should drive to the bar. She thought to herself right before the door opened to reveal a still very awake trauma surgeon.

”H-Hi...” Amelia started to speak to Owen as to why she was currently at his doorstep that late at night; but because he essentially knew everything about the woman who he still considered his soulmate and based on the phone call he had received from Maggie, the man watched the brunette try and attempt to form sentences and at least give him a small clue how he could help. He received no response.

“Amelia? Is everything alright? Would you like to come in?” He offered and questioned, the brunette continued to stand outside of the house as multiple tears fell down her face and her arms were wrapped tightly across her own smaller frame. She shook her head, Owen could sense Amelia was embarrassed by showing up this late, he just didn’t know why she was or why it was so hard for her to show her emotions.

“I don’t want to interrupt your nighttime routine with Leo or your dinner or whatever, I am just gonna go.” Amelia hesitated and began to walk away before the trauma surgeon’s calm voice called her back.

“Amelia; it’s ten at night and I think it’s trying to snow, maybe. I put Leo into bed about two hours ago and the only time I eat dinner late is if I was on call. Please come in, and at least let me make you some of your favorite tea.”

And so the brunette accepted his offered request and walked side by side him. The two made it into the warm and dark home before Owen switched on the main living room light. Amelia sat on their comfy couch as she saw Owen wander into their kitchen near where she kept the tea steep. Water rushed through the pot before he placed it on the oven and watched Amelia from afar; without her knowledge. He has seen her broken but in the current moment, for the second time since knowing the brunette, he felt afraid of what she might have done if he did not open the door or like the first time; find her.

“You know? There are days that I still get really angry at the friend that gave me my first pill. She told me it would take all my pain away.” Amelia said out loud, not sure if Owen had been listening or not but sensing his lake blue eyes on her. A laugh escaped from her lips after the last sentence before telling the rest of her story.

The trauma surgeon removed the now warm liquid into his soulmate’s favorite mug and began to walk back into the living room to place the glass mug on the coffee table in front.

“It is funny, because ever since that day; instead of Oxy taking the pain away, it only adds to the pain. I have been so in pain recently, and I think that’s because I miss the relief.”

Amelia’ mind wandered off as she stared into the distance and replayed the last eight months in her head, and how being in the present moment with Owen again was the first time in a long time she felt safe. She felt like she could request a hug from trauma surgeon and he would wrap his arms around her without feeling ungenuine. She felt at home. And in the current moment she felt unafraid. Before Owen could think or offer for himself to drive her to a meeting in hopes her cravings would pass, Amelia leaned back and brought her lips to match his to passionately kiss him. As if no time had passed between them Owen reciproted her passionate kiss and matched her rhythm. Once getting comfortable, the two stood up at the same time and knowing exactly what the trauma surgeon was planning, Amelia nodded to Owen indicting that he could lift her up in his arms.

So he did. Carefully Owen supported her legs as he made his way towards his bedroom; their bedroom. Gingerly Amelia removed one of her hands that held onto Owen’s neck to quietly turn off the living room light as he continuously held her and kissed her soft neck.

Owen’s heart felt complete while Amelia felt rescued from being on the brink of making the next day; day one again, but instead she chose to make that night day one again with her soulmate. The whole time it wasn’t the drugs she craved; instead it was Owen who she craved the most.

Thank you so much for reading one of my favorite stories, I’ve ever written!

[tessatechaitea]

Wonder Twins #7

I didn't realize the Wonder Twins were Gen X.

Oh yeah! Zan had just saved the world by stopping a plot that was going to save the world.

I just realized I hadn't scanned the cover yet and as I did, I noticed the Wonder Twins fist/star emblem marks a striking resemblance to a goat.se riff. Zan and Jayna get taken off of monitor duty at the Hall of Justice now that they've stopped the League of Annoyance. You'd think that doing a good job would get you a promotion but those of use who have always done spectacularly good jobs know better. While everybody else works down to the lowest common denominator (because who wants to do more work than the next guy?! A fool, that's who!), good workers just put on blinders and do the job they were hired for until the time they're being paid for is up. Sure, that sounds like I'm describing a sucker who's been completely manipulated by the man! But I'm also describing a person who fulfills their end of whatever bargain they've agreed to! So when I say Zan and Jayna wind up giving tours at the Hall of Justice because they were too good at catching criminals, you'll understand why I went into the previous digression. Maybe? I don't know. Have you seen what state the U.S. is in?! Why are you picking apart my writing style?! Mark Russell takes a few pages to shit all over hockey fans and now I hate Mark Russell with a burning passion. Even though I'd hardly call myself a hockey fan. I mean, I loved NHL '93 (unless it was '92 (or maybe '94?)) and I loved going to San Jose Sharks games when I was still living in the Bay Area (plus my friend worked equipment for the Sharks and would get us free tickets). But it's not like I follow it much anymore. I just like the feeling of being angry at somebody for writing a satirical critique of sports fans rioting because they're so happy that their team won. Although why would I be angry when I've never done that nor think Russell's wrong in his pointed and humorous critique?! Oh, who cares why! Being angry is just more fun! Oh shit! I finally understand people's attraction to Fox News! I just watched a YouTube clip of somebody's Jeremy Roenick highlights from NHL '94 set to the song "More Than a Feeling" and it was pretty awesome. Also, that was definitely the one we played nonstop back in 1993 and 94 and maybe even into 95. Roenick unstoppable down with the puck while Sharks players lay splayed out on their back all across the ice. To stop the riot, Superman calls in Repulso! He's a guy whose super power is super stink and he's kept in a locked room with a bare table and a microwave and nobody wants to be his friend because he smells like a garbage dumb that vomited on top of the diarrhea it shit out while standing on its head so the stanky muck ran down his body absorbing all of his body odor and then somebody cut up a durian and tossed it in the mix.

Superman is a dick. Get this guy some friends with no sense of smell. Or at the very least, an Xbox Gold account.

After the hockey riots, some "the end of the world" riots take place because Zan and Jayna screw up something or other. Basically what that means is that Repulso gets to be let out of his airtight containment unit again! He's a pretty optimistic guy for being sealed away by Superman (which is just Superman's way! Is somebody a problem? No problem! Put them in the Phantom Zone!). He's so happy and not bitter about his living arrangements that I feel like Zan and Jayna had better figure out a way to give him a better life before this issue ends. Because if Mark Russell fails this character he created before this issue is over and I have to face reality after snot crying about a fictional person, I'm going to be pretty upset when I continue to buy Mark Russell comic books because what other choice do I have? Am I going to stop reading DC's best written comic books because Mark Russell betrayed poor Repulso? Of course not! What am I? A person with integrity?! Repulso winds up getting his ass beat by rioters as Repulso's handlers flee the chaotic "end of the world" downtown riot scene. Luckily the Wonder Twins are headed downtown to save his life and maybe become his friend or something? Please? After Zan and Jayna save Repulso, Jayna goes to Superman to tell him everything sucks. He gives her a big speech about how being a hero is lonely work because you don't always get to fuck the hot chick at your secret identity's workplace and also fuck an Amazon warrior while also getting to fuck anybody at all whose initials are "L.L." and also have a best friend who is the coolest guy in the world with a butler who makes the best pancakes. Sometimes you're a fat jerk who smells who even Superman won't fucking give the time of day because Superman has this speech about how being a hero is lonely and that's a good thing so you should embrace your loneliness because who wants to put up with your super stink, fatty?

Jayna is a way better hero than Superman. At least in this comic book that's all about her and not Superman so of course she's going to outshine him!

Oh yeah, the ant in the above picture is Jayna. It can't smell. Wonder Twins #7 Rating: A+. I should probably be less cynical when reading Mark Russell comic books because he's as earnest and serious as he can be while also providing lots of jokes. He takes writing seriously because what else is there? If your message isn't going to matter, why bother? (is his philosophy. I think. It's not my philosophy! I don't think? Maybe it is! I just write things that matter in a much different way than Mark Russell writes things that matter.) I should probably read Superman's speech and be inspired by the idea that you don't do good because you want adulation; you do good because it's the right thing to do, even if the entire world thinks you're an asshole for doing it. Even if all of the other superheroes think you're a stinky fuck and only keep you around to use as a tool to oppress and manipulate the masses without having to use logic and reason on them (because, let's face it, the people doing terrible things don't understand logic and reason. Or they're do but they're just selfish and greedy so nothing is going to reach them anyway (which maybe is part of Superman's message?)), you're still a hero at the end of the day. You can still be proud of your stinky self. And even if the life is lonely, you should remain positive and upbeat because Superman really doesn't want to be reminded that you exist every time you complain about the lack of reasonable living conditions. Being a hero is a state of mind, says the guy who also looks great and is invulnerable and has the best wife and a cool son and doesn't have to fear death! So inspiring!

[ineedthislikeaholeinthehead]

The only thing worse than being sober...

It's official. I've been sober for 2 entire years.

I haven't had a shot of vodka or even a drop of whiskey in 24 months.

Not a single black out brunch in 104 weeks.

Not even one little beer in the last 720 days.

And as I assess my life now, sans booze, I can see how drastically my life has changed because of this choice.

I've moved twice, started an entirely new career, had another threesome, written what might be the only screenplay of my own that I've actually liked, and celebrated 3 years of marriage.

And looking back, if I had to do it all over again, would I?

Before I answer, I think i have to be completely honest with the way my life was going when I decided to go sober. i had been tossed between therapists and psychiatrists for about two years, and while my workplace was wholly abusive and I was in tons of debt with a weird affinity towards landing in the hospital, no one could figure out exactly what to do about it. Really, the year before I got sober, I was having more and more brushes with alcohol poisoning than I can clearly remember and if I had continued down that path, my wife- who was supposed to be enjoying that honeymoon phase with me- would have had no choice but to leave. There's probably a good 40 or 50% chance I would be dead- my therapists had threatened me with 51-50s before.

So, with all that in mind, knowing what I've gone through, would I do it all over again to stay sober?

Not a fucking chance.

I don't have an altruistic reason for getting clean. The truth is, 6 months earlier, my shitstain of a former boss had all but flat out said "you can stay where you are for now, but you aren't moving ant further here." And while it was true that I was a fucking mess every night the very second I got home, i was not and am not the only fantastically functioning alcoholic at that place. It didn't matter though, because if they weren't moving me up, it meant that I wasnt staying. And I didn't want any potential employers smelling my problems a mile away.

So I enrolled in a program. Part of that programs agreements was an earnest attempt to stay drug and alcohol free.

Donald Trump was being sworn in on January 20th- a concept that to this day seems crazier even than this stupid idea- and I decided I had to see that with sober eyes. As another plus, whenever they do the presidential days in office on MSNBC, i also get my day count

It became very clear very quickly that I was a liability at my job, but I'm also pretty good at google, and California employment law is pretty protective of some employees, so as long as I cam into increasingly terse meetings with printouts, doctor's notes, and a threat to record meetings, I was sort of ok.

They were trying to gut the department I had spent the past 5 years creating- and wanted to use my disabilities to do so. I hated knowing the second I was gone they would do it no matter what, but I fought the good fight and went on as many new job interviews as I could.

Then, the best news in the world came. My wonderful second in command and good friend got a job offer! I was elated. A lunchtime past time for most of the office anytime the bosses weren't around was to trade where they were interviewing and what kind of jobs they were looking for, and she was so talented and wonderful- I honestly had no idea how I had been able to keep her at the company for as long as I did- that this information was inevitable.

But 3 and a half months into a 18 month sobriety program, with supervisors very much hoping for my failure- I knew I couldn't continue to fight this fight without her. So, without a new job offer- i took the plunge and left with her.

Over the next few weeks, I went on more interviews- and was flat out told that I should have stayed with my company lol! But at what felt like the last minute, found a job through pure luck- near my old home town.

Being able to provide for myself was nice, but leaving los angeles- the only place that had ever remotely felt like home- for the inland empire- was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

While undergoing therapy for substance abuse, a lot of effort was put in to working through the trauma of my childhood as well uncovering sexual assault.

Knowing that as I type this, I am close enough to drive by the house where this happened- and that I'm nowhere near any of the places I was lucky enough to have made good memories as an adult who had escaped- makes me want to drink every single day.

I didn't have a whole lot of great in my life. I'm just not one of those people who can figure out how to take their bad and make it good. But my life in LA was something I had made.

Now, I have a nice job with a great boss. I get paid fairly fairly. The work is nice but not artistically or psychically fulfilling. Things make sense. When I'm at work.

But I drive home- and it isn't a home. Its a joke. I didnt mind living in a hovel in LA because who cared where I slept when just a few miles down a packed freeway was everything imaginable. But without one of the best cities in the world at your fingertips- well, there are checks and balances, and this great location for a future nuclear crater is absolutely out of balance.

I've been through three psychatrists and two therapists- in less than 2 years.

And while I don't particularly subscribe to the AA method, when I did decide to reach out, i went through 4 different cancelled meetings in one night. Apparently this town doesnt want any competition for its absolutely pathetic bars (don't worry, I'm judging just from the outside only)

On top of the lack of support, moving back has meant having no buffer for our families. People who in the case of my wife's family, make me want to drink and in the case of my own support me getting high.

I'm NOT against alcohol and drugs for other people- and I do still occasionally partake in a little weed- but I know that my conditions means I need to be wary.

Living how I live is not living at all. Perhaps back home where there is support, expression and (for me) freedom from my past, there is a chance. But if I had it all to do over again... I'm just not sure if it was worth it.

I was ignorant of so many things 2 years ago. I still had a sense of self, even if it was mostly self-loathing. I had a HOME.

Alcohol can take a lot from you, but I didn't know it could continue to take so much once you stopped.

And I wish I had a good answer to the question, "If you're so miserable sober, why don't you just go back to drinking?" Because it's a really fair that I ask myself a lot.

But the only thing that I can come up with is this. Sobriety SUCKS. The only thing worse? Not being sober.

Because even though I HATE my life right now- and I like seriously am so disappointed in the horrible life choices that have landed me in this situation- I am about 1000% sure that whatever the answer is on how to fix it, I won't be able to do it without being sober.

I highly doubt I'm ever gonna be some sort of clean living teetotaler. And I don't rule out the idea that I might get to enjoy a little good whiskey or better vodka some day. But I know that if I ever get that back, it's not until I get back to myself, and I don't know how or when that will be.

I just know, at 2 years sober, I'm smack dab in the middle of nowhere I want to be, and I really hope I make it to a place where this all makes sense some day.

[max-out-of-ten]

So what’s going on with the YouTube channel?

FIRST THING’S FIRST:

What happened to the comic dubs?

It’s been a year since the OFF video, I only did one Drunk Chara episode, and it’s been about half a year since Underswap. So what’s going on, where is everything? Well...

I wasn’t enjoying it.

I was at first, don’t get me wrong, but I lost the motivation to do it and therefore the enjoyment of it. I started sheerly out of spite, a year ago when I had my falling out with Starbot and Vade (don’t ask what happened, just know I’m on good terms with everyone now. Better terms than I was before the falling out even.) I quit/was fired (still not sure which happened first? Or which was the official ruling?) and out of spite said “fuck you I’ll make my own comic dubs” and since then got another 10,000 subscribers. It’s a little troublesome because that means half my audience is there for the comic dubs and I won’t be delivering for the time being.

But rest assured

The comic dubs are not gone forever

I will return to them when I regain the energy. School has been draining, hopefully my summer classes won’t be.

NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS:

Asriel’s Awakening

IT’S COMING BACK, BABY!

I love the series. It’s what I started with, what got me the first 10k subs, and I’ve been neglecting it for far too long. That’s probably one of the reasons I’ve had no motivation. I want to do AA but I just wasn’t. And that’s stopping today. I’m actually in the middle of working on it and I’m going to be sending the script out to my voice actors soon. Working on this passion project should help me get back in the mood to create more.

Wanna know what else gets me in the mood to create more?

Spending $300 on audio equipment.

New XLR mic, new audio interface, new cables for mic and guitar, new strings, and new projects that you might not have seen coming:

Song Covers!

I’ve been wanting to do song covers since 2010 but just haven’t known how or what to do (bear in mind I didn’t have any tech that made it simple back in the day either, like you kids and your ipads with garageband and hwhatnot) but now that I know how, and that I’ve spent so much money, you can bet your sweet ass I’m gonna get started!

I’ve already got a few people ready and willing to collab with me, such as @ladycassandrina​, @starbotdubs​, and my buddy Austin Krause, who does his own covers already and is SO CLOSE TO 1,000 SUBSCRIBERS SO PLEASE GO SUBSCRIBE TO HIM AND WATCH HIS VIDEOS HE DOES WONDERFUL WORK.

What’s in the works: “The Dragonborn Comes” (Skyrim) with Cass “The Other Side” (The Greatest Showman) with Austin (will release song first, then music video over the summer hopefully) AAAaaaaannndd... Starbot and I haven’t discussed a cover yet (though she’s likely going to be collabing with Cass soon so go sub to her and to Cass!)

ALSO PLEASE SEND ME SUGGESTIONS FOR WHAT YOU GUYS WANNA HEAR ME COVER SOLO!!!

It can be video game stuff, anime (as long as there’s an English version), Disney songs, whatever you want!

SEND IN SOME ASKS WITH SUGGESTIONS!

And with that, I shall take my leave and work on AA. Thank you for reading this long but important post, and if you didn’t, here:

TL;DR Dubs are on hold, Asriel’s Awakening is back, starting song covers, gimme suggestions

Adios, muchachos!