#i stop building something with people because i dont owe them anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

who-is-page · 5 months ago

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hi im not here to start anything i just need to get this out but im some unpopular blog idk. ive had a burning question bc of some discourse. is it ableist to not want to interact with doubles from a traumagenic system? people called us toxic and guilt tripping for saying we feel like it is and like its watering them down to just their source not an actual unique person, but they didnt really explain how its not besides 'it makes me uncomfy and im allowed to have boundaries'

but then those same people would probably call our headmates who dislike humanity for legit trauma reasons stupid and toxic and tell them they need to work on it but not tell us how besides 'spend time around kind people' but we dont really have any that they can do that with

idk it just seems really hypocritical. why can they pretend and entire person doesnt even exist for something out of their control bc theyre uncomfy but having trauma that you dont know how to fix is so wrong and makes you horrible

and would it be okay to just say 'systems dni you make me uncomfortable' ?

(cont.) its okay if you dont want to post that i could see the discourse nightmare but mostly i guess i just needed to get it out somewhere, thank you

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So, if I'm reading this right, you feel that it's ableist for someone to ask for doubles who are traumagenic fictives to not interact with them. And you feel it's hypocritical for someone to have those boundaries when that same person would likely criticize the misanthropy present in your own system due to past trauma.

There's a lot of levels to this anon, I'm not going to lie to you.

The other person is right in that they're allowed to dictate their own boundaries as they see fit, and that they don't owe people explanations for it. If they're uncomfortable with traumagenic fictive doubles and don't wish to interact with them, that doesn't make them ableist. Their reasonings behind that feeling could, theoretically, contain some ideas that are invalidating to others or similar, but that's a separate entity from just having the boundaries by themselves. And you also have no way of knowing those reasonings (if they have even taken the steps to consciously dissect why they feel the way they do) since they haven't told you. You can't really draw any substantial conclusions about this--including whether or not the thought process behind this person's boundaries is ableist--and it's also arguably not your place to if this is about some random stranger, anyways.

The misanthropy thing is also tricky. Your systemmates are allowed to have their boundaries and their own personal feelings about humanity, regardless of what the origins of the feelings are. However, unlike with the other person where we don't know anything beyond that they're generally uncomfortable with traumagenic fictive doubles, you specify that your systemmates actively dislike an entire species that they have no choice but to interact with. Which makes things a lot more complicated. Dislike and discomfort are two separate emotions. It's not "stupid" or "toxic" that those feelings exist in your system, but it is probably something you all should work on, both for yourselves and others. You're going to be living around humans for the rest of your lives, and even when you're actively working to mask your dislike of someone it can still come across unconsciously very easily. It's not hypocritical for someone to view misanthropy as different from a much more niche online boundary, because in a lot of ways they're situationally very different, but it's also not fair for someone to try and call you amoral for it when you're still figuring out how to work on it, either.

One of our systemmates had pretty severe misanthropy that they struggled with. Some of what helped them was finding things that they actively loved that humans did or made, and building up from there. Every time they had an automatic misanthropic thought, they stopped, examined it, took a deep breath, and actively acknowledged that what they had thought was not fair nor true about all humans. Eventually, after many years, they did reach a point where they had a separate friend group from my own, made up entirely of non-alterhumans, which was also helpful. But that was a ways down the road.

Because dismantling these thought processes is different for everyone, YMMV. It's not always as simple as surrounding yourselves with positive and kind folks, and it really comes down to what your systemmates individually have to sit down and work through. Identifying what thought patterns they have going on, and working to tame the irrational and unfair ones. Your system isn't "horrible" because they haven't been sure where to start tackling this.

Regarding if it's okay for someone to ask systems to not interact with them because systems make them uncomfortable; like I said earlier, people are allowed to dictate their boundaries as they see fit. That's not on me nor you to try and control, nor to pass a blanket judgement on.

(And don't worry about the discourse factor. This blog was originally known as a discourse blog like a decade ago, and it always blows me away when I realize people have forgotten that, haha.)

#long post

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reel-fear · 2 years ago

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For the writing request thingy,would you feel like writing something Mandroid or Schloder oriented?

About them alone or as a ship because they have potential as a rare pairing (I might have a bad taste in ships but hear me out/hj)

They can just,,be doing silly coworker stuff like drinking coffee together on a break or something :-))

Sorry if it’s not something you feel like doing!!

I would love to write something like that! I did want to do this so I could do some writing prompts for characters I don't think I'd naturally get ideas for putting in the spotlight! It's not Really ship but it is with both of them so I hope u enjoy! Warning they might be OOC bc well we dont know their characters super well and theres not a lot of content to pick apart n such. And also I only refrenced their wiki articles and my memory for tryna keep em in character so yknow, like I said, might be OOC. Also its not very silly, its very serious if anything oops KJNDSFKGJNSDFGKJNDFGSD-

Schloder could hear every footstep as he and the man designated as 'Mandroid' walked down the halls of GHOST. It was silent inside of the GHOST building most days and the echo the empty metal halls gave every noise didn't help. Not that Jon would ever let a new arrival intimidate him, he was far better than that... He couldn't let his professionalism fade for even a moment. Not with a mission this dangerous or an organization this important... Though with how important it all was... He couldn't help but wonder how on earth such a suspicious or shady man as Dr. Meridian managed to slither his way back into their ranks...

It was beyond his rank to question the hiring decisions of the organization, but it was also hard to ignore the robot arms that Mandroid had attached to himself. He recognized one of them as belonging to the prisoner Hardtop. He wasn't sure where the other one had come from however and he wasn't sure which one unsettled him more.

"It feels... So nice to be back within these walls." Dr. Meridian suddenly hissed, his expression and tone was one of delight, but something about the way he moved through the halls and the look in his eyes made Schloder want to doubt his cheery demeanor...

"It seems GHOST has missed you as much as you missed us." Schloder replied, trying to see Mandroid as nothing more than another coworker.

"You make it sound like you had not missed me while I was gone... That's rather hurtful Jon, I never did anything but disappear for a while. Did that truly upset you so much?"

"You disappeared and suddenly showed up in... this state, I don't think I owe you any kind of explanation until you give me one." Schloder responded, idly flicking some dust off his uniform.

"At least I got you to admit you wanted an explanation." Mandroid continued, looking at his cybertronian hand and curling it into a fist. Schloder watched him do so, his expression not giving anything away but a slight bitterness. He wondered what the man was thinking about as he did it, was it the cybertronians they had captured? Was it the people who kept getting in the way of their operations? Or something else entirely... "But there is not an explanation any better than the one I already gave. After those horrible creatures mangled me I realized they had to be stopped... At any costs... That is the loyalty you feign to the same cause isn't it Schloder? To protect our people at any cost? The real question is why aren't you in my same 'state' if our motivations and goals align so well?"

Schloder took in a deep breath, trying to not let Mandroid weave such a strange narrative. Who knows what he would do if he started becoming confident in such a strange idea. It could only end poorly for both him and GHOST, therefore it was only naturally part of his job that he should shoot it down, swiftly. "That would be an extreme thing for me to do as a field agent, if I suddenly went out doing my job in such a state a lot of people would have a lot of questions. Now more than ever we do not need people asking a lot of questions. There's plenty of bots out there we need to capture and we can't waste time on repairing bad PR. Not anymore at least"

"But if you were in a job that would require the strength of a bot, you would take the same measures I had wouldn't you? You would be willing to give every part of your body in order to protect the people right agent?" Mandroid asked and Schloder hesitated.

He wanted to say yes of course. If it meant protecting the people around him of course he would, but he couldn't quite bring himself to force the words out.

Something about it didn't feel right... Was it the part where he would have to live for the rest of his life taking energon to function? The part where he lost his arms? He didn't think so...

The biggest thing that seemed to turn him away from the idea was the fact he would not just be losing his arms... He'd be replacing them with someone else's...

Of course that person who he took it from would be nothing more than one of their prisoners... A traitor who deserved whatever was coming to them right?

Yes... Yes he would do what Mandroid had done if it was to protect humanity.

But... Would it be worth it if it made him give up some of his humanity? To do something so cruel to another living being?

"Agent, you aren't suddenly having doubts in your duty are you? If you are I would be rather disappointed with your lack of faith in humanity, surely the idea of taking what we need from those... Horrible machines isn't what deters you from answering my question?"

"No... No it is not, it is just a heavy idea, to live the rest of my life reliant on energon and with arms that don't belong to me... It just feels easier to comprehend the idea of dying for the cause." Schloder confidently lied and Mandroid chuckled.

"Ah... I see... Well remember this Schloder..." The other man suddenly put his mechanical hand on the shoulder of the agent, causing Jon to tense.

"It would have been easier for me to simply die after the state those horrible things left me in the hospital. To bleed out, but I knew that my work was not done, not until those things were gone from our home... Your work is not done until they are gone as well... So please understand I will take whatever measures I see necessary to keep you and the other GHOST members alive. If this upsets you... I would suggest finding a different line of work. One that doesn't require such dedication.

After all, none of us have quite earned our rest until our job here is done. So see to it you find me some more bots and soon, unless you want both of us to be here for the next century."

Schloder could hear everything in the empty echo chamber of a hallway. Mandroids cold but rage fueled hiss, the sound of his mechanical parts whirring with every subtle movement he made. The way his heart beat so much harder hearing such ominous and confident words.

The seething hatred that flickered behind Mandroid's existence and the cold resolve that kept him from dying.

Schloder could hear everything.

But it was beyond his rank to think about what he heard.

#earthspark #earthspark mandroid #mandroid #tfe #dr meridian #agent schloder #jon schloder #transformers earthspark #maccadam #maccadams #transformers #drabblez #transformers fic #transformers writing #hope u like this!! it was super fun to write!!!#requests still open yada yada check out my drabblez tag for more info if u wanna send one in-#tfe spoilers

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whitetickle-sl · 7 months ago

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Right let's talk because I've been having second thoughts about this.

Sigh. What..what do I even say. I've tried to reimagine ow to even discuss anything for this acount and i always feel like I have to rethink my words everytime cause the message could always fall flat or come out wrong. Imagination is key when it come to getting your head around an idea that feels like it's out of left field. You know I have other acounts,tickled related and so on. Not everything about me focuses on things like race. And even still this is more so about getting people to think more so than it's about a fetish. To be honest most of my tickle related ideas I LIKE TO challenge norms and reach for the stars. Whenever I see an idea I can't give my full time towards I start to either lose focus on it or become demoralized if i HAVE A realy good idea that no one is interested in. So imagine it's an idea I put aot of thought in, then I hit a writers block but people LIKE IT! except the people I find like it have apercentage majority of the lees but other target demograpgic is...small. Which wouldn't be a problem if the topic wasn't so... well I mean take a good look. POC ler's on white lees. I'll be honest with you, perhap even if I was getting more blacks than whites it would probabaly still look bad either way. I mean I guess being lee is pretty popular but Thanks for making me feel like a JackAss, I knew I was stepping into quicksand and when I felt ground beneath my feet I honestly thought hey, maybe I'm on to somethingt and this could work... but then my wirter's block hits. my enxiaty kicks in and then I look at the numbers. and then when ever I get a POC coming in, I get my hopes up. Why even bother?

No I'm not throwing in the towl though. however, I think I'm gonna stop even asking. I'll let the insporation come to me whenever it does. though I admit I do hate to let others down. However If you dont' have imagination for this sort of thing, or if this just ain't for you, then why did you come? You know what I'd..rather just be friends, be on friedly terms. But I don't realy ... expect you to emerse yourself into something this complex or challenging. because I get it, it's a challenge. I find it abit challenging my self. I HAVE an easier time imaging a world where humans are underdogs to non humanoid ticklers than I do to something like this! Infact that idea came first, and this was more of an atympt to stage something more set in reality and in maturee topics. I don't know I figured people would atleast want to explore and try to figure out the lore that could back such a scenario as this but I guess I put to much faith in the idea of people having imagination or the ability to think outside a box or break any opinion they believe in. I don't know why when I struggle with my own at timese. I guess I fuigured since I was able to see how it could work, others would to. You know...it's frustrating. you put any amout of work into something and the progress is so slow that it it ends up stagnent. You put your work into something ambitious but the moment you began to question the point of why your even doing this, you sort of just feel like you waisted all that time. Sure you saw the potnential and you should never just give up due to nay sayers or critics. But not those guys causei hardly evene hear from them. No it's the idea that in the end , will people even get why I even did this at all? Or will it al fly over their head?

I guess what I should say right now is...I'm emotionaly confused right now. I'm torn between an ambitous vission, my other visions, what my target demographic for this even is and what I got instead.

My after thoughts is this. This is a topic worth tackling and most certainly potential for world building and kinky fun. However it's ambitous and if your hoping your gonna have an RP with someone on this sort of gimmick...I'm sorry.But no one has that kind of imagination for it. I mean people got imagination for tickling, tickle torture, sadism, masichims from what I've seen. But let's get real. No Black, asian or other wise is interested in this. ok maybe that's not fair I've met some sure... but the reality is people are either to buisy , or don't RP, or CAN'T EVEN FIND YOU. I waited paciantly, hoping people might be interested... I got some and tried some things out. I got to be a lee. I think I found myself getting more well told stories out though being the ler for white lees! I'm basicly carrying the story. Oh sure I'm used to narrating in other tickle rp types too but I still found many others where I and the other person can contribte alot to the RP and it feels like a story is unfolding. I came close thinking I finaly found someone who could help me do that with the Giggle Milkee idea. Who ws I kidding. Not only was the sotry more set up by me but they wound up not even apreciating it. they straight up jump scared me with a sudden mood swing! realy?! A mood swing?! Listen.. if your Black or Asian or any other Grabber cannidate, I'm not discouraging you from trying. I mean there are plenty white lees out there. You can try all you like, but as for me..I DON'T EVEN know. Send me a message if your even interested...however my reception might be differant for now on than what it would have been in the past. For now on. if you don't got imagination, I won't waist any time with you. Same goes for the Gigmigs, though they've been more interested I still find some that either gone missing or are lacking. Maybe I'm just sore right now...like I SAID. i'M EMOTIONAly condused. more like distraught,aggervated, not wanting to give up, not wanting to keep going. I'm torn is what I'm saying. and I needed to vent. I'm not sure about where I'm gonna go with this in the future. But If I see another Grabber...I'm not getting my hopes up... I just won't. I'll be happy...but chances are.....well you figure it out cause my throat is sore.

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lord-of-dragons-2007 · 1 year ago

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Am I Crazy?

So its been a couple of years since I've been single, by that I mean after the person I trusted the most betrayed me for some imaginary thing that they never got (betted on a bet that was never going to pay out). When it first happened, it felt like my world was falling apart around me. In some ways this was good because it meant that I could start over and build again.

Since that time when the dust seemed to settle, I went on something of a journey to discover for myself and of myself. Today I went to an even that was the same as the one last year when I started my journey of discovery, and it was a moment for me to reflect on the past year and the changes that have happened in the past year. The things that have come into my life the past year has been so amazing and I have been so thankful for the changes especially recently. However, lately especially late I have been wondering if I am losing my mind.

So I had been in two vanilla long term relationships and both ended in both women either cheating on me or being some degree of emotionally abusive. However despite that I am still looking for someone special, looking for my person to ride or die with. In all this time that I've been single nothing has really panned out, and it does really make me wonder. Am I someone that is interesting to go beyond a date or two? Am I so broken that it is apparent to everyone who sees me? Am I ugly? Am I worthy of finding 'the one' for me? With each set back and rejection I lose that much more hope that I will ever find what I am looking for.

As I have been in discovery for myself and of myself I have also tried to find that special person who possibly would share a similar kinky interest as me, this is where things seem to especially demoralize me. I met someone a year ago that I was really crushing on (and still am) that had a shared interest as me, unfortunately a few weeks before I met this person, they had just entered a relationship with someone. While I am happy for my friend and happy that she is happy, it certainly feels like a situation that I am (as I famously say) 'a day late and a dollar short'. The next one had expressed interests in me and a dynamic with me, however it seemed that she was disinterested and this seeming interest died away after I had met this person and more so she seemed to be in a relationship with someone. Which again I am happy for them and happy that they are happy but just seemed like again its just me that killed that interest. The last one was someone I was talking to a week ago, she seemed very much interested and seemed ok with it. She would have to work out the details with her poly partner, however its been a week and this person has yet to get back to me even just to say hi.

The only common thread between people not in kink rejecting me and people in kink turning me down is just me.. While I understand that is people's prerogative to choose and reject, and I am truly happy for my friends that have found someone for them. I just cant stop and wonder why not me? I am not trying to sound entitled or like I am owed anything, its just more of when does my day come? I am a good person, I dont lie or cheat or steal, I always try to do the right thing, I try to say the right things, but it just seems being the good guy just leaves you with a fist full of loneliness and little else. In a way I feel lied to, I grew up being told if I was a good man and did the right thing that good things would come to me. While yes some good things have come to me, but ones that I really want have yet to find their way to me and it feels like they never will.. I am not angry at the world (or at least not yet in any case), I am just disappointed. Work the past few weeks has left me wondering if this is how my career is supposed to be? Am I supposed to hate my life from 8-5 m-f? I am wondering if this is how life is supposed to be? disappointed with how my dating/personal life is right now? I just feel like there is so much in my life that I am disappointed in, and the majority of it there is nothing I can do about it.

So I sit here quietly on my couch having a movie night with my dogs and wonder how I got to this position, if this pain and disappointment will lift, if what I was told grow up is true. If I am a good person, a good guy, will good things come? In a sense I feel like I am staring my future in the face, in 10-20 years nothing will change. I will be here where I am now still asking the same questions and crying out into the nothingness void of this blog, I will still be here crying myself to sleep every night and wanting to sleep all day because when I sleep I feel no pain or disappointment, I feel nothing when I sleep, and I would rather feel nothing at all than live with this disappointment and pain.

A song really comes to mind, or rather a specific lyric comes to mind, especially when I talk about not wanting to feel anything. When I think about where I was about 4 years ago, when I think about the last time I was happy and felt content with my life.

"Put me inside flesh that is dying, A ghost that wonders without rest, Buried by desires and weakness, I understand."

This speaks to me because as I see more and more grey hairs pop up on my hair and beard, as I feel more aches and pains as the days come without rest I feel as though age is starting to do what it does to everyone. As I remember the days when I was happy and content with life it just reminds me of how some days I just feel like an empty shell, that I am just a wraith wondering this world without rest in sight. As I try to search for the things that make me happy, the desires I have in life I feel that the weight of them or the lack of them in my life are burying me. All of this, all of the things that are happening and have happened, I understand it all but it doesnt make it any easier. I am struggling to keep the faith that my dreams will come true, however as I said before, each rejection, each setback, each pain makes it harder to keep the faith and makes it harder to put on the brave face I wear daily so people dont worry about me. This mask I wear around my friends and my family I feel gets flimsier every day, this smile that I put on fades more and more revealing what is really going on under the surface.

I doubt anyone would read this much of my ramblings, and I doubt anyone would say anything because I doubt anyone really reads what I post here... But here is really hoping that this faith I cling to will eventually be rewarded...

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snakefoxcloud · 3 years ago

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hey this is our blog

when we signed up again after killing the old blog we mained a political blog and well uh, this is the main one and i really wish tumblr would let you switch main vs sideblogs!

we are bodily an adult. as such, some of these posts will be about adult things and adult problems. if you want to explore here i cant and wont stop you, you deserve safe spaces to explore things and safe adults to be around, its something i wish i had had as a teen, but jfc be careful theres creeps on this website and- everywhere on the web, really.

plural. known for like a year. non face emoji tags are generally sign offs when we feel like using them. queer, preference to he/him but any pronouns work, including neos. it/its is a very rare mood but if its used by a transphobe you bet your ass its on the accepted list of pronouns that day if only out of SPITE.

leftist in the society should care for its people if it is to exist at all way. breaking things has its place but you must be prepared to build something from the wreckage or youve done more harm than good most of the time.

some people think its important to be pro or anti ships for some reason? im not. like i personally wont interact with some ships because i hate the dynamic and i avoid topics that trigger me, but im not about to harass someone over their taste in fanfiction? fuck off if youre gonna pull that shit, pro or anti or neutral. maybe touch some grass. life is worth more than policing other peoples interests and art, and exclusionism is the same rhetoric no matter what hat it wears.

if i say something ignorant or you dont like feel free to mention it. down to learn. not down to be belittled.

i can, do, and will block freely, this is supposed to be a fun space. amusement and blorbos and sometimes education and other things i care about.

i dont owe you anything. if you want to know, you can ask. we may or may not answer. not gonna drag you for it either way.

we try not to be involved in that sort of thing outside of like. joking tags on gaud shitposts. because thats the PLACE for it. (even then we usually dont.)

ah yes. pro endo. maybe if you scroll through enough months youll find out our origins. im not sharing it here, because it shouldnt matter to you. its our head and no, you cant tell us if our experiences are valid or not, you dont live here, and we dont have to listen to a single word out of your mouth.

this was longer than anticipated. anyway asks are open. im on in fits and starts, at the minimum once a week, usually much more often.

signed, a currently blurry plural

#pinned post #who wrote this? good question

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beann-e · 4 years ago

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I thought i’d write something different from what I usually do to say ‘ thank you for 400 followers ‘ I hope you like it

“ light no you can’t write my name please “

the air in the room was tense as you stood moving your weight between each foot “ light I don’t understand —whatd I do to you—please “

you felt the patience youd held for him earlier slipping out of your body as you reached out to grab his notebook “ don’t “

your hand pulled back quickly as if his voice alone was a hot pan you just touched

“ touch my book “

you shivered at his tone

“ and return back to your seat on the bed — that she placed you in“

you followed his orders as you perched yourself at the foot of the bed eyes darting across his back In fear anytime he flexed his muscles

You actually weren’t sure how you ended up here much less how he ended up with you in his care you weren’t his responsibility but what he did know was that he was pissed the fuck off with misa’s big mouth.

I mean who the hell lets their best friend know they have shinagami eyes and that they have a book they can kill people with much less tells them that their said crush has the same book

in all honestly this has to be your fault —seriously are you stupid why did you not run? he can’t even begin to think how you just agreed to any of what she told you but here you were sitting prettily on his bed alert and at attention for his next orders god your just like her he gripped his pen tightly at the thought

He couldn’t even wrap his head around why you stayed behind with him after misa left to go complete a job given to her by her ‘boyfriend’ earlier

when the two stepped out the room to speak him thinking he was giving you enough time to escape before he came back only to want to drop dead when he walked in and turned his head to your smiling face just his luck you didn’t leave now not only one could bother him but two

he got rid of one nuisance only to be greeted with another and this one was worse. body always moving and hovering around him , hands always wrapped around something that he’d have to tell you to stop touching , your mouth moving at the speed of light , he let out a scoff in his head at that one.

the only way he was able to get you to relax was for him to tell you he’d write your name in his book that you lucky for him feared. Honestly, He didn’t even know if he wanted to or not you were kinda fun to mess with and he didn’t get much fun in his life moving from college top A student to leader of a world spread killing spree

You were like a breath of fresh air to him except you were just like misa

it was like having a misa and misa jr in his room you were no different from her and you didn’t annoy him any less but he knew you were workable, he knew by the way you followed his orders like a blind puppy. You were so quick to do whatever he asked and all it took was a little threatening to get you to do it.

he studied you out of the corner of his eyes mind slowing with only one thought about how you could be easier to control than misa and who was he to resist taking the easy way out that was the point of having a partner right, to tell them to do something and they simply do it. eyebrow furrowing as he looked at you maybe just maybe

he sighed leaning back in his chair “ look”

he turned to face you hands crossed and sat neatly in his lap “ I won’t write your name if you do me a favor“

your eyes came up to meet his in a hurry a quick whiny answer leaving your lips “ yes light “

his body went hot at the way you put up no fight ‘ just like misa ‘

“ come here “ you felt your body grow cold as you neared him you didn’t have shinagami eyes or even a notebook but you could feel the cool air of something next to you head spinning at the thought of someone something watching you walk towards the male in the chair “ look at me “

your eyes found his quickly “ good girl “

you smiled softly before he spoke “ why are you smiling? who told you to smile— I can take my deal back just as fast if you don’t listen to me “

you straightened up but still shifting your weight between your other foot

“ I need you to do something for me y/n ok “

your eyes moving around jittery thanks to the new change in air

“ calm down pretty girl only you can do it that’s why i’m asking “

his voice was soft as he looked up at you “ I know you can do it “

you felt everything in your body want to tell him you could and you would do anything if he could just give you more praise you loved the way he was talking you up

the way he was building you up and setting your building blocks up to build a nice home of safety for yourself that you’d never known

Light knew exactly what he was doing even in the beginning before the book he had a way with words and as his job with killing criminals progressed and he had to get people off his tracks it just got better.

He was sure he could find anything someone wanted and give It to them to make sure they did what he wanted them to

“ y-yes light “

he smiled “ I need you to do something that’s not gonna sound well— appealing at first “

your eyes concentrated on the floor as he snapped his fingers at you to say focus seeing you looking over to your side to see what this scary feeling of someone watching you was

“ here come sit because you can’t pay attention on your own “ he spit out “ obviously “

you moved slowly to sit in the open place hed made for you on his lap “ come on y/n “

you rushed to get over there plopping your butt down on his leg like a child with a pretend santa at the mall

“ it’s gonna sound scary I know but I need you to do it ok “

“ ok “ you sat in anxiousness you just wanted him to get to the point so you could happily say ye—

“ I need you to get shinagami eyes “

your face fell as you felt all your muscles tense , mind racing , face rising in confusion and fear as your body started to grow heavy and shake you were now understanding what you got yourself into

Your feet ready to run as you looked to the door and back to the male behind you who fell back into his chair with a groan and an eyeroll hand moving down his face in obvious annoyance and hands finally coming to a rest on his chin

You taking this moment to try to run

‘ misa can have this shit I will not be partaking‘

as soon as your body stood his left arm hooked around you and he pulled you right back into his hold only to separate his legs and have you sit between em’ so he could hold your waist in a deadly hold and his mouth could whisper into your ear

“ pretty girl what happened huh “ his fingers grabbed a piece of your belly fat through your shirt in a pinch “ you’ve been demoted now — your not a good girl anymore your a bad one y/n “

he pouted “ that’s not good “ his voice sounded disappointed as you sulked “ you were doing so good for me what happened huh “

you hated how your body felt weird you felt like you’d just failed him like you owed him something and couldn’t help but to give it to him because that’s what he deserved

but all you wanted to do was get out of here you didn’t want to give him what he desevered was that wrong was he right

“ you were just gonna leave me here to myself —all by myself alone with my book of dead people ? “ he sighed as he spoke into your neck “ dont you think that would’ve made me depressed “

he questioned “ what would have happened if I did something to myself because I was depressed huh “

his grip on you tightned pressuring you into answering

“ I-I don’t know light “

“ misa would have been so mad at you she would have blamed you for my actions could you live with that huh ? could you live with losing your best friend because you left me here in pain ? in obvious hurt crying for your help?“

“ no “

“ see you have to think about things before you do them ok minx “

you just wanted to leave why couldn’t you leave ? his words weren’t helping you were just losing yourself in them and thinking that you really were a bad person for trying to get out when you did

“ think about misa y/n think about me — I — I have a family y/n “

you body slumped at the thought of you ruining a family.

him picking up on it and only feeding Into it “ I do pretty girl I have a mom , a dad who works in the police force working his ass off to provide for our family god I wanna grow up and take care of a family don’t you think I can do that “ his mouth trailed back up to your ear his fingers interlocking with yours

“ maybe with you— your a nice girl right except for when your being mean right “ he smiled at your confused and hurt expression “ I have a sister — a younger one “

you perked up you always wanted a sibling you knew they were hard to deal with but just the thought of being there for someone or even having someone be there for you misa was like that to you

“ you—you have a sister “

“ yeah — she’s so smart and talented and I would love to grow up with her and see her live her life and be at her wedding even — I wanna grow up and have my own one of those too “

he laughed “ don’t you “

“ I - I don’t know light “

“ well whatever you wanted to do i’d be right by your side y’know“ your heart warmed had anyone even paid attention to you like this before

he sighed in your ear eyes looking forward at your hands that now stuck together with his “ y/n there’s a reason i’m asking you to get the shinagami eyes — I wouldn’t just be asking without a reason “

“ what is it because if misa has them you don’t need me you just want to fuck me over so I never tell anyone about your stupid book“

“ huh so you talk when you want to huh “ thinking back to earlier when you were so submissive to him where’d this come from ? He couldn’t say he was upset just a little thrown off at your sudden ability to speak up for yourself

he sat back in his chair “ I don’t like that “ he whispered under his breath “ maybe your not like her“

he smiled speaking louder and continuing his proposal for you “ no I just need you y/n -“

you froze

“ that’s it that’s all “ he came back up both his arms crossing over your stomach “ I like you y/n “

“ no you don’t “

he laughed “ why else would I let you stay here — in my room — after your friend left ? do you think I give a fuck if she’s mad if I didn’t like you I would have killed you — i’m not keeping you alive for her “

“ then wha— “

“ I just said I like you y/n “ his voice grew rough he was getting tired of this you changed too much for his liking either you were submissive or a brat pick one “ baby pay attention “

your body stalled ‘ he really has a way with words ‘

“ look I like being around you more than misa so it would do me a favor greatly to have someone who can help me and not annoy me“

he smiled “ imagine all the fun we can have together my love — all the times we can spend talking like we are now “

you bit your lip “ I just need you to say yes and go through the process to get the shinagami eyes “

“ light I don’t even have a book if i wa—“

he smiled sickly behind you knowing his foot was in the door “ correct which is why you need a book yeah ? “

“ um yes “

he moved the chair you two sat in over to his table smiling as he found the book he had for you “ look “

“ how “ your mind raced theres for sure no turning back now there was no reason for you not to help him. He obviously needed it like he said earlier, misa liked him so what could possibly be so wrong about him, and he seemed to like you back which was only a plus

“ don’t ask me questions “ he spoke “ not until you get the eyes ok“

“ ok—o-ok “

you reached out to touch the book as you smiled at him returning what he’d shown you when you peeked down at him

“ come on pretty girl put both of them “

you thought for a moment before you gave in and put your other hand on the book blinking before you met his eyes

“ d-did I do it “

he smirked “ not quite my love — here tell me if you can see this“

he turned you around as your body froze

“ and here I was silently praying that you weren’t stupid like she was when she listened to him and gave up ownership of her death note “

125 notes · View notes

jaedreaminn · 3 years ago

Text

Final Part

Characters: Taeyong, Ten, Mark, Jeno, Heachan.

Theme: Family bonding, humour, crack, fluff,angst, happy ending.

Parings: «mentioned�� someone x Haechan, someone x Ten.

Words: 2.3k

~~~

"You're the first one here" Ten smiled at Jeno who had just walked into the bar.

"I've always been on time and you know that" Jeno smiled sliding into the booth, sitting next to Ten.

"God knows who you got that good habit from because no one in our family is on time unless it's absolutely necessary" Ten teased and Jeno's eyes disappeared into half moons. "And from what I remember you were always late to school."

"I wasn't late hyung I skipped school" Jeno deadpanned and Ten cringed, "Yea the Jeno delinquent phase was definitely.... interesting"

"Ahh I miss those times because atleast my friends-" "Can you even call those people friends?" Ten interrupted and Jeno glared at him, so he simply mouthed an apology and went back to sipping his water as Jeno continued to speak, "Atleast my friends then were scared of me so they never said anything. Now if I'm late I have to deal with an angry Renjun and his wrath is the scariest thing on this planet." Ten cringed silently at the mention of the smaller boy as he remembered experiencing Renjuns anger first hand and it wasn't pretty.

"Thank God for that though, otherwise I would be sitting here alone on my bachelor party"

"True that" Jeno said lifting his glass of water and clicking it with Tens glass.

"How boring, you guys are only drinking water" Donghyuck said as a form of greeting sliding into the booth, sitting on the other side of Ten.

"I'm waiting for everyone to arrive before ordering the food and drinks" Ten said rolling his eyes and then flicked Donghyucks arm, "And I wouldn't have to wait so long if you were on time"

"Ow!" Donghyuck whined rubbing his arm as Jeno chuckled.

"So how are things going for the two of you" Jeno asked eyes grinning mischievously as Donghyuck sighed and dreamy sigh, "Better, I think I want to make it official soon"

"About time!" came Taeyongs voice and all three of them looked up to see him walking towards the table.

"How did you even hear what Hyuck was saying from so far away" Jeno asked and Ten chuckled when Taeyongs face scrunched up in judgment as he took of his coat, "I raised you people, I just know"

"That doesn't make sense" Haechan frowned and Taeyong glared at him as he folded his coat and sat down.

"I've been raising you since I was thirteen I would be damned if you doubted my super hearing"

"Fine fine Whatever you say" Haechan lifted his hands up in surrender and Taeyong grinned scanning the table, "Where's Mark?"

"He isn't here yet" Ten said and Taeyong frowned.

"You're telling me these two have been here before Mark?" Taeyong asked pointing at the two youngest at the table earning protests from both.

"Yep" Ten said popping the 'p'.

"But dont worry he should be here soon" He added, reassuring Taeyong.

"Right, we're here to celebrate you getting married" Taeyong cheered changing the topic and Ten grinned like a fool in love.

"Yeah I can't believe the wedding is so close" He said smiling excitedly.

"About time you two have been engaged forever" Jeno scoffed but the smile on his face showed how happy he was for his brother.

"I know we're basically married" Ten chuckled as the others cheers'd to that.

"Ahhh sorry I'm late" Mark said rushing in sitting on the chair opposite Ten.

"What's with all the bags Markie?" Donghyuck asked curiously looking at the the five small paper bags in his hands.

"Well I remembered something from when all of us went camping and I thought now was a good time to do this" Mark said laughing nervously, "But I'm not sure if you guys would really like it now" he said handing everyone a bag.

Ten peeked inside and immediately smiled, "Oh wow I forgot that we wanted to do this" he said pulling out a cap with the words 'The Lee brothers' written in neat cursive.

"Oh yea we wanted matching caps for the five of us because we thought shirts were too tacky" Donghyuck chuckled holding onto his cap as of it was his greatest treasure, while smiling brightly.

"Wow we really love these Mark, can't believe we almost forgot about this" Taeyong chuckled looking at his cap with awe and then his eyes brightened "It even has my name on the back"

"Yea it does and I also almost forgot about this too" Mark smiled brightly as he saw his brothers looking at the caps with smiles on their faces.

"Our family isn't very normal is it?" Jeno smiled and the others nodded.

"To think we were this close to being eachothers worst enemies" Ten laughed and Taeyong frowned, still not able to joke about it.

"Yea that was crappy of me" Taeyong said looking down at his glass of water as he remebered how he treated Ten and Donghyuck.

"I can't believe you still beat yourself up over that hyung you were a kid! You were allowed to feel angry and be defensive and irrational" Donghyuck said grinning brightly and a small sad smile graced Taeyongs face because a smile from Hyuck was contagious, "And at the end of the day you came around and now we've got such a strong bond. And you did a lovely job as an older brother I mean look at how I turned out" Donghyuck smiled proudly.

"I thought we were making him feel better not worse. You turned out to be a pain in the ass" Jeno said with a playful smile on his face and Donghyuck pretended to be shot, looking at Jeno in betrayal as Jeno smirked proudly like an evil villan.

"We really need to seperate those two because Jeno has been catching on to Donghyucks dramatic attitude" Ten said watching the two youngest judgingly and Mark just drank (his water) to that.

"Please you're one to talk Ten" Taeyong scoffed rolling his eyes, "You're the one who taught that brat how to be dramatic"

"I object"

"Hyung that's not how it works" Mark sighed, smiling at Ten.

"Ahhh I agree with Taeyong, I am who I am because of Ten" Donghyuck chuckled and shifted away from Ten quickly as the other tried to hit him.

"Ya come here I'll show you dramatic" Ten yelled, trying to attack Haechan who was hiding behind Mark.

"You always hide behind Mark as if Mark would fight for you" Jeno rolled his eyes and Donghyuck stuck out his tongue.

"If I think any of you would attack Mark I wouldn't hide behind him cus he's a weak little baby but I know none of you guys would hurt a hair on Marks head so he's the safest to hide behind"

"He's not wrong" Taeyong shrugged.

"That and Donghyucks favourite is Mark" Ten complained and Donghyuck grinned nodding his head and Mark just sighed trying his best to order drinks for everyone with Donghyuck standing behind him and Ten ready to pounce in their direction at any moment.

"When did he even get so attached?" Jeno asked latching himself onto Tens arm. Ironic.

"Probably the first time Mark spoke during dinner without us having to ask him anything" Taeyong chuckled at the memory and everyone smiled.

"I was so amused that he was an actual person with feelings" Donghyuck perked up from behind Mark who glared at the boy and flicked him on the head.

"I'm not safe anywhere" Donghyuck whined running to Taeyong and dramatically falling onto his lap.

"I was just excited about a song I liked that day and I felt so concious the way all of you looked at me with big eyes" Mark said recalling the memory with a frown.

"Yea it was a quite dinner that day because Jeno and Hyuck were fighting at it got awkward to talk and suddenly out of the blue YOU, of all people spoke." Taeyong said smiling looking at the two youngest who just stuck their tongues out at eachother at the mention of their 'fight'

"Yeah I remember, they were fighting over something very stupid and they got so excited that Mark had spoken that they completely forgot about their fight" Ten chuckled whole heartedly joined by Taeyong and Mark.

"Now that I remember we left our fight half way I'm not talking to you anymore Jeno" Haechan said, puffing his chest and pouting.

"You're really high maintenance you know" Jeno said coking an eyebrow and Haechan just laughed at that statement, not denying it.

"Yeah you are. You once tried jumping out of the second floor window because someone told you you were to much of a coward to do so" Mark said with a frown, accusingly pointing his finger at their youngest. Jeno wasn't wrong, dealing with Donghyuck wasn't an easy task.

"Oh yea I remember Jeno couldn't stop Hyuck so he ran to Mark's classroom which was closest and then came all the way to the other building to get us" Taeyong said with a lopside smile.

"Ahhhh yess I remember you people scolding me so much and Jeno refused to speak to me the entire day at school and then cried when we got home" Donghyuck chuckled as Jeno blushed.

"I'm sorry I was scared that you were going to die!' Jeno yelled defensively and everyone laughed.

"Mark yelled at me so much and scared everyone in my class and then oh god when Taeyong and Ten walked in angry I almost shat my pants"

"Angry Taeyong is a scary Taeyong" Mark shuddered.

"Even your mother was scared of you angry and you were only thirteen back then" Ten smiled at Taeyong cheekily and the boy just sipped on his drink that arrived a while ago looking elsewhere.

"Well I was pissed that they kept dragging Hyuck into their petty arguments. God I hate that woman so much." Taeyong said, getting angry.

"I feel bad that I haven't invited them to the wedding because at the end of the day they took me in when my parents died but I just hate them so much" Ten frowned and Mark patted his brothers back.

"Dont worry we all hate them, they would have spoilt everyone's mood." Mark said and then scoffed, "Dad's finally given up on trying to persuade me to steal your business" Mark chuckled and Ten smiled at him.

"Yea now he's trying to persuade me." Jeno rolled his eyes and Ten chuckled.

"Like, as it is we have stability because of our shares now he's being greedy again? Didn't his greed ruin our lives enough" Mark said clutching onto his drink angrily.

"The only good thing that came out of his greed was Hyuck" Taeyong said hugging the youngest who just looked sullen.

"I wouldn't say good thing... their fights got worse because of me. I mean I don't blame Mrs. Lee for hating me" Haechan said eyes downcast.

"No don't make excuses for that woman" Jeno growled.

"But I'm the reason her marriage was compromised." Haechan frowned.

"She compromised her own marriage because she was an awful person no one wanted to spend the rest of their life with and she had no right to take it all out on you" Mark said angrily clutching onto his drink.

"No Mark you don't get it, it was only fair to hate me" Haechan said with a frown and Ten and Taeyong looked at eachother with worry, patting the yongers back.

"She had no right to hate you" Mark said getting angrier by the second and Jeno tried to calm his brother down. This always was a sensitive topic.

But Heachan nodded his head in disagreement, "I was born because her husband cheated on her"

"And I was born because she cheated on her husband" Mark yelled and everyone at the table looked at him wide eye'd.

"This is one hell of a bachelor party" Jeno said reaching for his drink, still shocked at what Mark had just said.

"Mark what are you saying..." Taeyong asked, placing a hand on Marks knee as Mark tried his best to avoid evryone gaze.

"I didn't know how to tell you guys but that's why dad stopped bothering me, because he recently found out I'm not his son" Mark said eyes downcast and then scoffed, "So now he's cut all ties with me"

"Oh I'm going to go punch that greedy old bastard" Jeno said with a growl to his tone and his fists clenched.

"Dont waste your time I don't care but it hurt how easy it was for him to drop me and now I hate my mother even more considering she knew about this since I was born but still fought with dad over him cheating and gave Hyuck crap for it" Mark frowned.

"Ugh this is so fucked up" Ten said taking a chug of his drink.

"I'm not a Lee" Mark sniffed, "I'm not your brother"

"Ahhh thats bs we're all brothers" Haechan said hugging Mark from behind.

"Yea and we've been through hell and back together" Ten grinned.

"And we'll always have eachothers backs and there's no easy way for you to get out of being our brother" Jeno said lightly punching Mark on his shoulder.

"I haven't raised you all my life for you to think I'm not your brother" Taeyong smiled and Mark chuckled slightly at that.

"Taeyong you're not their brother you're basically their mother" Ten said and everyone chuckled.

"Yea the constant nagging and the obsession with cleanliness and Febreze" Haechan said with a laugh and everyone chuckled.

"Yea so I don't know why you thought anything would change Mark" Jeno chuckled and Mark smiled.

"Yea we had messed up parents but luckily we have eachother" Taeyong said and Mark smiled.

"Yea we're definitely all Ten has" Haechan said wiping a fake tear, "No friends, just his brothers to have his bachelor party with"

"Okay now you're dead" Ten said chasing Donghyuck around the bar.

It resulted in them getting kicked out but they all laughed as they made their way to cafe moon, talking animatedly and happily.

The night was long and their futures prosperous.

~~~

The Lee Brother's- A mini series

Previous Part: Lee Donghyuck

25 notes · View notes

buckyskorpion · 5 years ago

Text

11 Hours - part one

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x Reader

Summary: bucky is the mystery you can’t wait to solve. if you can get out of his bed long enough, that is. a biker au.

Warnings: gang-typical violence, sex scenes, alcohol mentions, probably more to come so stay tuned

A/N: um yes so hello another au and another wip..... dont hate the player hate the game. i hope you enjoy this though! this is my take on a biker!bucky au because we definitely dont have enough of those. let me know your thoughts on this, critiques, predictions, anything! my ask is open. also i wont be taking tags for this so please dont ask.

title taken from 11 hours by wet | playlist

You lie on your stomach, sheets pooled by your ankles, and watch Bucky watch you. One hand propping him up on his side, the other tracing slow, hair-raising circles on your bare back. He’s not really seeing you though, eyes glazed over so they look shiny and huge, big enough to get lost in. You roll away from him, off the edge of the bed and onto your feet.

“Going?” he asks, voice rough. You can’t remember the last time one of you spoke - the time between breathless moans and now seems stretched, like a liminal space you’ve both been sitting in for far too long. It’s time to get back to the real world. You shrug one shoulder, rooting around his bedroom floor for your clothes to redress.

“It’s late,” you say. He huffs an agreement. The two of you didn’t get back to his apartment until after midnight, so who knows the time now.

“Let me call you a cab,” Bucky says, rolling onto his back to pat around the bedside table for his phone. You toss him a look over your shoulder, chosing to ignore him as you pull your skinny jeans up over your ass. Bucky pauses to watch, tongue flicking over his lips and not bothering to hide his grin when you catch him. You throw your jacket at his head which he catches with ease, laughing himself back into the pillows. Ugh, he’s such a menace.

You walk back over to the bed once you get your last shoe on, closing the distance you’d created that was so obvious in the contrast between his bare skin and you, fully dressed. You lean over him, letting him tug you close with a hand on your hip while you pull him up with a grip on his dog-tags. You kiss him, a hard press of lips and a quick swipe of your tongue that he tries to follow but you pull away. He lets you go, rolling his eyes at the tease.

“See ya later, tough guy,” you say, backing up to the door. He tosses your leather jacket back to you, and you catch it with one hand as you head down the hallway. It’s the closest thing you’ll get to a goodbye from him, so you let the front door click shut without another word.

You shrug into your jacket as you race down the stairs of Bucky’s apartment building, heading for the laundry room. It’s not like you know Bucky - all you do is fuck on any day you both happen to be free, starting at a grungy bar in downtown weeks ago and ending here, in some strange friends with benefits situation (minus the ‘friends’ part). He’s hot, and you’re not looking for a relationship, so it’s perfect. Only, something about the scars on Bucky’s knuckles and the motorbike he drives you home on after the bar makes the hair on the back of your neck raise. Something about Bucky is bad news, and you’re not about to get caught up in it just for some (mindblowingly good) sex.

So, you head to the laundry room and climb out the window rather than using the lobby doors. Nobody sees you, and it’s easy to get to if you stand on the dryer in the far right corner. You don’t know why you think someone might be watching Bucky’s apartment, or following you from your late night visits, but your dad always said you were paranoid and it’s never hurt you this far in your life. You swing a leg through the window and drop down into the patchy grass below.

From here you scale the fence into the gym parking lot next door and enter the street that way, nobody the wiser. You stuff your hands in your pockets as you walk down the street, itching for a cigarette or some gum or a pair of earphones, something to keep you company as walk home in the middle of night in New York. There are still people out and about, because of course there are, it’s New York. You make it home without a hitch and immediately head to the shower to wash off the night.

Naked again, before you get under the jet you check your phone. Bucky has texted you - probably a joke or something, his pretence for checking you get home safely. Tough guy my ass, you think as you open the picture he’d sent. He’s holding up the black lace panties you’d been wearing, the one’s he’d pulled off with his teeth and tossed aside without a second thought. Under it, he’s sent another message. Think you forgot something.

Did I really forget them? You try to bite back a grin, because it’s sad to be standing in your bathroom smiling at your phone, but you’re unsuccessful. You watch the three dots under Bucky’s name start and stop, then start again, making your heartbeat pick up. You’d made the oh-so-confident Bucky ‘dont know his last name and don’t need to’ falter. It still gives you a thrill.

Don’t think you’ll be getting them back.

Consider it a present, perv.

You like it

No comment.

You jump in the shower, leaving your phone on the vanity. You can’t leave the shower until you rub one out, the rounds of sex you’d had a mere hour ago long forgotten at the thought of Bucky doing the same thing as you to the panties you’d left behind. Maybe you don’t want to get caught up in whatever shit Bucky is in to set off your paranoia radar, but you certainly want to get caught up in him. If you aren’t already; irreversibly tangled.

***

You never find Bucky, he finds you. Or rather, he gives you a call and you know within a few hours you’ll be at whatever bar or diner he asks you to meet him at, building up the tension until you both can’t take it anymore and go back to his apartment. It doesn’t matter what you say to him, or how many times you say no - you both know you’ll be there.

This time he catches you leaving your dad’s place, pushing through the gate as you put the phone up to your ear. You turn to wave goodbye to your dad in the window he always stands at to see you off towards the subway, and say, “So soon?”

“Hello to you too,” Bucky grumbles, but you know there’s no heat in it. You’re grinning as you dodge pedestrians, tugging your puffer jacket tighter around you with your free hand - the New York winter chill has started to set in and it’s biting through even the hoodie you’re wearing under the jacket.

“Hello, Bucky,” you say, hoping he can pick up on the thick condescension you’re handing him, “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I can hang up,” Bucky warns, and you smirk. You’re winning this round, at least.

“Aw, don’t be like that, baby.” You jog down the subway stairs, hoping your line doesn’t cut out as you move underground. It doesn’t, Bucky’s reluctant laugh filtering clear as day through your phone.

“Baby, huh? Moving onto pet names are we, doll?”

You wrinkle your nose, “Ugh, not if they’re from the nineteen forties, no thank you.”

“I’m sure you hate it,” Bucky says, sarcasm heavy. You can hear his eyeroll from here. “What are you doing?”

“Getting on a train,” you say, as you do indeed slip through the almost-closed doors and try to avoid any and all surfaces around you. “What are you doing?”

“Talking to you,” Bucky says, grin audible. It’s your turn to huff now - Bucky never tells you anything about his life, what he’s doing, who he’s with. It’s another thing that makes you think he’s hiding something, but instead of finding it infuriating and a dealbreaker like you should, instead you’re fascinated. Your mission is to figure Bucky out, piece by piece.

There’s a muffled voice on the other line, someone talking to Bucky and you imagine him covering the receiver with one big palm. A hand that you want on you, running down your skin and pressing down over your throat and dipping between-

“You there?” Bucky asks, jolting you out of your daydream. You’re blushing, suddenly too-hot in the layers that were previously not doing enough to ward off the chill.

You clear your throat and say, “Yeah, yeah, sorry, what?”

“Mmhmm,” Bucky says, clearly amused. “I said, I’ve got a favour to ask you. Something a bit different.”

“Oh?” It had been weeks of going to dive bars and underground diners, meeting Bucky in dark corners to drink rum and cokes and eventually fuck each other senseless until you’re sure Bucky must get noise complaints. Never had he once indicated he might want to change the routine you’d set up. Never had he asked you for a favour. To say you were intrigued was an understatement.

“Come to a party with me tonight?” he asks. You have to replay his voice in your head to make sure you heard right, stunned into silence. He takes your pause for a ‘no’, hurriedly filling it with, “I get if it’s a no, but my friend Nat is a drill sergeant and she’ll give me the third degree if I don’t bring-“

“Don’t hurt yourself,” you say, interrupting his nervous ramble. You’d never heard Bucky sound anything but aggressively confident before. It’s throwing you for more of a loop than his invitation. A large part of your brain tells you to say no. You don’t trust Bucky, really - you barely know him. But thats why you want to say yes. Going to this party might change that. “I’ll go. What time?”

“Eight tonight,” he says, breathing a sigh of relief. “I owe you one.”

“Yeah, you do,” you laugh. You organise to meet at his apartment, not quite ready to give him your address yet, and hang up. Your mind is reeling, sure everyone on the train must feel the impact of that phone call, too.

They’re all going about their business as if something monumental hasn’t just happened. Bucky has invited you into his life, to meet his friends, as his date. What happened to not-friends with benefits? What if this changes the arrangement you’ve carefully cultivated, so perfect for your independent lifestyle and Bucky’s obvious commitment issues?

The temptation is too much. You practically run home when you get off at your stop, anxious to get ready. You’re about to get a few more pieces of the Bucky puzzle and you have to look good for it.

***

Bucky stops you in the front hall of the house, a hand on your arm as he stares down at you. He looks comically large in the tiny Brooklyn town house, even if it is ten times nicer and more beautiful than your place will ever be. The party filters in from further inside the house, loud music and laughter and the obvious clink of beer bottles sounding muffled through the bubble of you and Bucky.

“My friends are… a lot,” he says, drawing his lip between his teeth. You tilt your head at him, amused by what you can only assume is nerves radiating off Bucky. He rolls his eyes at you, kisses you on the forehead quickly, and adds, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I can handle myself, tough guy,” you say as he tugs you by the hand through to the living room where the party is in full swing.

“I hope you’re not calling that punk ‘tough’, lady,” a man calls out from the couch, pointing the neck of his beer at Bucky. His tone sounds aggressive but the wide, gap-toothed smile he gives says otherwise. He gets up and pulls Bucky into one of those manly half-hugs. Bucky doesn’t drop your hand as he pats the guy on the back, and you try in vain not to read too much into that.

“Sam, this is (Y/n),” Bucky says, and to your surprise Sam pulls you into a hug as well. You make wide eyes at Bucky over Sam’s shoulder but he just smirks, clearly amused. He’s still holding your hand.

“Nice to meet you!” Sam exclaims, a bit too loud in your ear but you don’t mind. His happiness is infectious. “Come meet Natasha, she’s going to love you.”

“Why’s that?” you ask, letting yourself be led by Sam with an arm over your shoulders to the couch he’d just vacated. Bucky drops his grip but follows too-close behind you, his body heat almost like a physical touch on your back, reminding you he’s there. You wonder if he’s nervous about what you’re going to say to his friends, or what his friends are going to say to you.

“Because,” Sam says cryptically. You roll your eyes - he’s sounds just like Bucky.

Sam stops in front of the redhead woman he was sitting next to when you entered, dropping the arm from your shoulders. She immediately stops her conversation and stands up, giving you a once over with a smirk tucked tight in the corner of your mouth. You try not to feel intimidated but it’s hard - she’s beautiful, and scary, and did you mention beautiful? She shoots an amused look to Bucky over your shoulder, and in response Bucky rests his fingertips on the small of your back. Barely there, but just enough.

“You’ve brought someone, James,” she says, turning her attention back to you and holding a hand out. “Natasha, lovely to meet you.”

“(Y/n),” you say, taking her hand. It’s soft - you half expected her to break your hand. “Thank you for having me.”

“Oh, you’re adorable,” she says, and you don’t bother hiding your frown. You don’t like feeling condescended and Natasha seems to be exuding that in palpable waves. Bucky must feel you stiffen because he steps closer, if possible, and slides the hand on your back around to grip your hip.

“Nat,” he says, with warning, and you glance up at Bucky to find him having some kind of silent stare off with Natasha over your head. Eventually he looks back down to you, smiling a bit and squeezing your hip, don’t worry about her. To you, he says, “Let’s go say hi to Steve.”

“See you later, (Y/n),” Nat says, wiggling her fingers in a wave as you follow Bucky to the kitchen. You ignore her, stepping closer to Bucky on instinct as you weave through people packed wall to wall. That was weird, but what did you expect? Bucky did warn you.

Steve turns out to be a giant blonde teddy bear who sweeps Bucky into a hug that lifts him onto his toes. It’s endlessly funny to see huge, muscled, intimidating Bucky being manhandled by a touchy, clearly tipsy behemoth. Bucky doesn’t let it stand for too long, though, bringing Steve into a headlock and sending them both tumbling into the kitchen bench.

“Jerk,” Steve gasps when Bucky lets him go, eyes narrowing. Bucky grins, breathless, and punches him on the shoulder.

“Punk,” he says fondly. You’re mesmerised. You’d wanted to see more of Bucky’s life but you never expected this. It’s like watching him with his family, and it makes something soft and fuzzy swell in your heart which is bad. Very, very bad. Maybe you shouldn’t have come.

Steve finally notices you’re there and you do the normal introductions, watching your hand disappear in his huge one as he shakes it. They’ve all been very welcoming, in their own ways, you notice (bar Natasha, but something tells you she’s always like that). They don’t seem to question your sudden appearance at their party or with their friend, holding Bucky’s hand and being tucked into his side as he passes you a beer and gets to talking about things you have no hope of following. You’re happy just to watch Bucky, smiling and laughing with pointed teeth and crinkles by his eyes. You still don’t really understand why you’re here, but you’re not going to question it. This feels like a stolen moment, something you’re not meant to see and might not see again so you try and commit as much to memory as you can.

The night goes on, talking with Sam and Steve and Natasha who appear to be Bucky’s closest friends and the only ones he bothers making time for. Bucky doesn’t stop touching you the entire time. At first you think it’s nerves, but the more you observe the party around you when the conversation turns to something you can’t contribute to, the more you think it’s for everyone else rather than Bucky’s nerves. You catch a lot of people eyeing his hand on your hip or his arm around your shoulders, or just looking at Bucky in general. Hardly anyone interrupts your little party of five but not for ignoring you - it’s almost like they revolve around you, in tune to the groups’ every movement, but they wouldn’t dare approach. It’s weird. You try not to look too hard into it but your dad is right. You’re paranoid.

Eventually it’s just you and Bucky sitting on a bench outside, a canopy of fairy lights casting shadows from his unfairly long eyelashes as he looks down at your entwined hands in his lap. You tug against his grip, causing him to look up at you and you almost lose your train of thought. Bucky’s eyes are searing blue, the hottest part of the flame.

“You’re being very possessive tonight,” you say, squeezing his hand for emphasis. He doesn’t look away from your eyes, cocking his head to the side and you have the distinct feeling you’re being tested.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks. You don’t answer straight away. Truth be told, you have no idea what’s going on. You went from fucking Bucky on a semi-regular basis, keeping it at strangers who bone and nothing else, to being glued to his side at a party with his closest friends in what feels like no time at all. Whiplash, is what you feel. You don’t think you hate it, though.

“I never said that,” you tell Bucky, and watch as his face morphs from calculating to that shit-eating, confident smirk you’ve come to know. You’re relieved to see it, the sparkle of his eyes as he leans closer to you in the dark of the garden. This, at least, you know.

“You’ve done well tonight,” he says, and you hate how you glow at the compliment when you should be rolling your eyes. “I know I’ve asked a lot.”

“It’s alright Bucky,” you say, smiling at his seriousness. You’d think he’s asked you to commit a crime or something. “Although, I don’t know why you needed me here. I’m glad you did, but…”

“But you thought I only wanted you, to fuck you?” he finishes, kicking his eyebrows up in amusement. You hate the way you blush, ducking your head from him to try and hide it.

“I feel like that was a very logical conclusion,” you say defensively. What else had he given you? You didn’t even know his last name.

He takes your chin between his fingers, tilting your head back up to look at him. He’s smiling soft, not condescending at all, and he moves his hand to cup your cheek in his palm and hold you there, looking at him.

“Maybe this was a test,” he says, licking his lips. Biding time. “To see if I can trust you.”

“Do you?” you ask, eyebrows kicking up.

“Jury’s still out,” he says with a grin, light-hearted, playing it off as a joke but you know from the look in his eyes that he’s being somewhat serious. He looks out at the garden then, still holding you close, and says almost thoughtfully, “My friends like you, though. Even Natasha.”

You scoff at that, and he turns back to you with that crinkly, squishy smile he gave to Steve before. It catches you off guard, enough to not see the kiss before it comes but you catch up as fast as you can. You want to slide into his lap and run your fingers under his shirt, but that’s probably a bit inappropriate in front of a bunch of people you just met. You settle for a frustrated groan against his mouth, biting his lip and tugging so he’s forced to chase you against the back of the bench, crowding your space. He drops your hand to slide his up your thigh, fingertips dangerously close to your crotch, kissing you hard enough to bruise. His tongue in your mouth is scalding, stubble against your skin a delicious burn, and you would’ve gotten lost in it if it weren’t for the very pointed cough from behind Bucky’s shoulder.

It’s Natasha, standing with her arms folded and a smile hidden somewhere in the green of her eyes. You try to mentally will away the flush in your cheeks as Bucky pulls back, hand still on your thigh but turning to glare at Natasha. You find yourself somewhat hiding behind the bulk of his shoulder despite yourself, letting him take the reins.

“Steve is puking,” she reports, raising one eyebrow. “Sam requests your assistance.”

“Fucking ‘course he does,” Bucky grumbles roughly, getting to his feet. Right before he storms away he pauses, leans back down to kiss you again, and then he’s back on a warpath through the house. Other guests part for him like the red sea, and you watch with furrowed eyebrows as they also seem to watch him go. He never goes anywhere without an audience. Perhaps you were right to be paranoid about him.

Natasha is still standing there when you blink yourself back to the garden, watching you with an unreadable expression. You straighten your holey, vintage t-shirt under your leather jacket and stand, not enjoying the power difference with her standing above you. You wish Bucky had taken you with him, even though you didn’t particularly want to watch Steve throw up everywhere. It would be preferable to being stuck under Natasha’s x-ray vision, though.

“I like your boots,” she says. It takes you aback - such a typical girl thing to say at a party to someone you don’t know, and Natasha doesn’t give you ‘typical’. You glance down at your Docs, and then back up at her pretty sundress with a sexy v-cut. Sure you do, you think sarcastically, as you both stand there like night and day.

“Thanks,” you manage to say, “And again, for inviting me. The party’s been great.”

“Has it?” she asks, and why do you feel like she’s asking three questions at once? As if sensing your apprehension, she smiles and adds, “Just, I know we’re a bit full on and being the new girl at a party is always difficult.”

You blink, surprised once again. The sincerity throws you for a loop, as everything seems to with Natasha. You say, “I mean, yeah, but you guys are great. You all seem really close, it’s- nice. Like a family.”

Something flashes in Natasha’s eyes, that amused little smirk returning to her face that fills your gut with dread. Was it something you said?

“Come on,” she says, and just as you think you can’t be surprised by this woman anymore, she winds her arm with yours and starts leading you back into the house. Throwing you a conspiratorial look you’re not sure you’ve earned, she says, “Let’s go find the boys. I’m sure Steve’s finished throwing up by now.”

Part Two

~~~~~ please let me know what you think!

#bucky x reader fic #bucky barnes x reader fic #bucky x reader #reader insert fic #biker!bucky #biker au #avengers fic #pov fic #au fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes #natasha x reader #steve rogers #sam wilson #11 hours

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galaxyofmyown · 4 years ago

Note

can you do hotch with a reader with an age gap? maybe something to do with the song “dont stand so close to me” from the police

hello darling! here you go. i obviously aged the song up so she’s in higher education so as to not make her younger than 25 which is my usual rule of thumb. enjoyyyyyyyy! xo

aaron hotchner x reader - just a number

young teacher, the subject of schoolgirl fantasy

Aaron needs to stop letting himself get roped into this kind of thing. He’s much better suited for sitting behind a desk than standing in front of a classroom. But here he was anyway, at Virginia Commonwealth University, guest-lecturing for a Professional Ethics and Liability class. The professor was a friend of his from his prosecutor days and he owed her a favor.

Despite Hotch’s general confidence surrounding his career, public speaking is not one of his favorite things. But he’s gotten good at faking it over the years, so his voice carries throughout the lecture hall confidently. There couldn’t be more than 30 people in the room considering the class was only open for people pursuing an M.S. in Criminal Justice. Perhaps this is why his eyes kept wandering back to you. Sitting third row left, dutifully taking notes.

At first, there didn’t seem to be anything special about you. Sure, you were beautiful, but all the girls in the lecture hall were objectively good looking. You weren’t even dressed to impress, lounging in your seat with leggings and a big sweatshirt on. But you had a wiser-than-your-years air about you, and you seemed extremely interested in the subject matter. Hotch couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t tear his gaze away every time you wrapped your lips around the straw of your iced coffee. His interest in you nagged at him. You couldn’t possibly be older than 25. He’d never felt so attracted to someone so young before. Although not explicitly wrong, it did conflict with his personal morals.

she wants him so badly, knows what she wants to be

Yeah, you had a crush on Aaron Hotchner. Despite having only known of his existence for about an hour and 45 minutes, you were under his spell. He’s more charming and well-spoken than most of your professors, and they do this shit for a living. The way he carries himself, the way he moves his hands when gesturing to the screen. It was… hot. But it was more than that. He was smart and competent and his credentials were certainly impressive. And you weren’t the only one to notice. There were many people in your class that looked as interested in him as you felt.

“That’s all I have for you today. Does anybody have any questions?” Hotchner asks the PowerPoint goes black. A few people raise their hands, including yourself. You actually do have a question, but you’re filled with nerves as he looks at you.

“Yes, you in the third row. What’s your name?” He asks. You feel hot.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), sir.” God, he hates that you called him that. Or rather, he hates how much he loves it. You ask your question about how attorney allocations often lead to unjust decisions in court. Agent Hotchner smiles as you speak, causing one girl to turn to you and roll her eyes. Oops?

her friends are so jealous, you know how bad girls get sometimes it's not so easy to be the teacher's pet

“That’s a great question, (Y/N).” Hotchner says (earning you eye roll #2) before spouting off an answer, which you scribbled down in your notebook. He answers a few more questions, and you notice that he didn’t ask anyone else for their name. But that doesn’t mean anything right? As your professor joins Agent Hotchner in the front to thank him for speaking, you realize that you’re never going to see this man again.

And frankly, that’s unacceptable.

You need to say something to him before he leaves, so you stay in your seat as the other students either leave or walk up to talk to Professor Ramirez or Hotchner. Many students are attempting to mask their blatant flirtation with a question, which, like, power to them, but you still felt the distant and unfamiliar sting of jealousy. You don’t miss the way the Agent keeps looking at you, however, which fuels your barely existent confidence. You walk up to Hotchner right after the last student leaves, and boldly stick your hand out. He shakes it and the warmth of his hand seems to move through your entire body.

“It’s (Y/N), correct?” He asks. You nod.

“That’s correct, Agent.” Hotchner smiles at you.

“Please, you can call me Hotch.” He says.

“Alright, Hotch. I just wanted to say that it’s great to meet you. An honor, really.” “It’s great to meet you too.” He says, and if you didn’t know better you would say his tone was FLIRTATIOUS, “Are you interested in working for the FBI?” He asks and you can’t help but laugh.

“God, no.” You say, which makes him raise an eyebrow.

“No?”

“Sorry, sir, no offense, but I really don’t trust the government enough to work for them.” You say, and try to contain your smile when he laughs.

“Fair enough. So what is it you want to be doing?”

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t laugh at me-”

“I would never laugh at you.” He interrupts, and you smile.

“Okay, then. I want to be a private investigator.” Hotch looks surprised, but he nods in approval.

“I can respect that. Although you’ll make plenty of enemies that way.”

“Hm. That’s okay with me. I have a lot of friends.”

“So you’ll strike a balance.”

“Exactly.”

You stand in front of him for a second, calculating your next move.

“Is there something you needed to ask me?” He asks, looking into your eyes. You almost chicken out, but then-

“Yes, actually. Um, this is a bit weird, and I’ve never done this before, but… would you maybe want to get dinner with me sometime?” You ask, forcing yourself not to break eye contact. Hotch’s face remains controlled, and you can’t gauge his reaction.

temptation, frustration, so bad it makes him cry

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). You’re lovely and seem like a great person, but I don’t think that would be appropriate.” He says, and you deflate (although you try not to show it). Trying not to cry from embarrassment, you smile at him and nod.

“I understand, Agent. Have a good night!” You say, staying as positive as possible. Hotch looks at you with pity, which is the last thing you need.

“I really am sorry, (Y/N).” He says.

“Don’t be. Have a good night.” You say, and you’re out the door before he can respond.

You walk to the exit and groan when you see that it’s pouring rain outside.

“Shit.” You say, digging around in your bag for your umbrella, but you can’t find it anywhere.

“Fuck.”

Usually, you’d walk to your apartment from school, but you can barely see the street in front of you with all the rain. You jog over to the bus stop and nearly collapse onto the seat, ignoring everyone around you. Today sucks.

wet bus stop, she's waiting, his car is warm and dry

Hotch pulled out of his reserved parking space carefully. He’s glad he thought to take an umbrella today. He turns up the heat in his car and breathes in the warm air. He can’t stop thinking about you. Was he an idiot for turning you down? It felt like the right thing to do, but now he just feels stupid. He groans as he pulls up at a stoplight. Driving through Richmond at night and in this weather was going to be a nightmare. He looks to his right and sees you, soaking wet and miserable. God. He’s pulling the car over before he can even weigh his options. There’s no way he was going to make you take the bus this late without any protection. He rolled down his window.

“(Y/N)!” He called, startling you. You look up, your expression a mix of hopefulness and embarrassment.

“Yeah?” You ask tentatively. Hotch falters for a moment, then says,

“I can drive you home.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay I’ll just-”

“I’m worried about you. Get in if you want. It’s really no problem.”

You hesitate, and Hotch can practically hear your conflicting thoughts. But you get in the car nonetheless, and holy shit. He has heated seats.

“Thank you.” You say as you close the door. You immediately feel better, the warmth of the car soothing you, the leather seats making you feel less guilty for being soaked in this obviously expensive car.

“It’s no problem. Where should I go?”

You give him directions, his rumbling voice and soft demeanor making you feel so comfortable. The drive only takes 5 minutes, and suddenly you wish you lived farther away.

“It’s this one.” You say, and he parallel parks flawlessly. Hot.

“I’ll walk you up.” He says, reaching for his seatbelt. You put your hand over his before he can unclick it, and he looks up at you.

“Don’t please. I’ll be fine.” You rush out, not eager for him to see the inside of your shabby apartment building. He relents, but before you can pull your hand away he grabs it, softly stroking it with his thumb. It’s an awkward angle, but it makes your heart race nonetheless.

“Hotch?” You ask quietly, and he’s pulled out of his trance. He pulls his hand away and turns back to face the front.

“Sorry. Uh, good night.” He says, and you sigh.

“I’m 25, Hotch. I have a full-time job-”

“(Y/N)-”

“No. Let me say this, please. I have a full-time job and I’m taking night classes for my Master’s. I have my own insurance. I can vote, drink, rent a car. My brain is fully developed. You aren’t my boss. You aren’t my professor. You’re just a guy. I’m just a girl. It’s that simple. If you aren’t interested just say that and I’ll get out right now. But if this is about my age, or your age, then I think you’re making a mistake.” You say, your voice growing stronger with each word. Hotch looks at you, but his guard isn’t up this time. You know exactly what he’s thinking.

“Kiss me, Hotch.” You say. Hotch smiles.

“Call me Aaron.”

“Okay, how many times are you gonna change your name because-”

Aaron pulls you to him before you can finish your thought. His lips are softer than you expected, and he kisses like a guy with 20 years more experience than you. And it’s amazing.

“Wow.” You say as he pulls away. He presses his forehead against yours, and he’s full-on grinning now.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you to your door?” He asks, and you can’t help it: You giggle like a schoolgirl.

don't stand so close to me

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch imagine #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #ssa hotchner

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zhuhongs · 4 years ago

Text

Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX)

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5 when it was rlly out of place and there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

#tgcf #🐌.txt #long post #text heavy #god its 1am im queuing this for the daytime bc i need yall to read this and scream with me bc these wouldve been such better extra chapters #oh fuck this is 1.3k words ajfaskjfklasfjksd #i should just write my own extras at this point now.. fuck mxtx

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nishaapologist · 4 years ago

Note

do you have any fo4 mod recommendations? i re-downloaded recently but i dont know where to start

/sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiides in boy, DO I,

okay so i legit run my game with 87+ mods because as far as im concerned if its not crashing u can still shove a few more in there:

BUT i have a more Core Group that i think are needed as the Bare Basics of playing? so i guess i’ll list them off!

now i will add very quickly: i mod for immersion, usually? immersion and building at my two big ones tbh. i basically try to make my game more open to interpretation so i can Fuck Off and Do Whatever and still have my game be able to facilitate that, whereas other people mod cool stuff in because Cool Stuff Is Cool To Have, regardless of whether or not it fits the “lore” or style of fallout as a whole. so even though i have a lot of mods, most of these boil down to tweaks and small additions to make my life smoother as a whole.

slamming this under a cut because this list goes on for a Bit:

so let’s talk about broader dependencies first! a lot of Big Mods require other tools to run, so obviously we’re starting with:

F4SE (Fallout Script Extender. you can’t do SHIT without this)

Armor and Weapons Keywords Community Resource (aka AWKCR. used for a LOT of armor mods and stuff)

Mod Configuration Menu (this doesn’t have any dependencies itself per se, but a lot of mods play with it and make it easier for you to adjust mods from the menu as opposed to yr pip-boy or, god forbid, the .ini files)

Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch (i mean. why wouldn’t you)

Workshop Framework (for workshop modding and settlement stuff)

there’s technically more i use for Other Mods, but they probably won’t come up here so i’m just gonna sliiiiiiiide on past. i’m also NOT gonna talk abt ENBs cause that’s a whole other can of worms. anyway. moving briskly on to the main course.

MODS MURPHY CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT

Armorsmith Extended: adds a BUNCH of modifications to armour, including layering armour, adding more adjustments and modifications like ballistic weave, and being able to adjust like, everything in the game. it also does an overall streamlining of armour slots to make stuff take up Less Space on yr body. neato.

Darker Nights: ever thought to yourself that the moon in fallout must be powered by a nuclear reactor to be so friggin’ bright all the time? this fixes that. makes it dark as shit at night, to a level you prefer! mine’s, like, super dark. enough that without a flashlight i’m staring at a black screen lmaoooo WHICH BRINGS US TO

Pip-Boy Flashlight: i owe this mod my next seven dogs. HOLY SHIT. this pairs up with Darker Nights like a match made in heaven. fully customisable lights on yr pip-boy AND power armour, with a HUUUUGE menu of options. you WILL wonder how on earth you ever put up with the vague green glow of yr pip-boy ever again.

Dogmeat’s Backpack: i love travelling with dogmeat, but he does double as a pack brahmin for me. this adds backpacks to increase his inventory, as well as adds some collars with fun effects to help you in and out of combat! good doggy :)

Durable Vertibirds: vertibirds come and go but they really shouldn’t. this makes vertibirds hard as nails to kill. stops supermutants being able to shoot em outta the sky via wet fart.

Full Dialogue Interface (other dialogue mods are available): lists all dialogue out in full in yr options, so u know what yr gonna say before you even say it! there’s a bunch of mods in this genre, i just picked the one i have for now.

Homemaker: i love building. Homemaker adds a ton (and i mean a TON) of building objects and items that lets you do anything from decorating more thoroughly to building concord, two! it’s a great mod if you, like me, love spending 12 hours placing items. which brings us to:

Creative Clutter: does what it says on the tin. adds HUNDREDS of new items that let you put down clutter to make stuff feel more lived in. luv that for me. but THAT brings us TO:

Place Everywhere: do you wish the game didn’t highlight shit in red when you jostle a bed 2mm to one side? this mod stops that! and also adds an entire overhaul to the way building works, with a learning curve like a brick wall to the face and granular movement adjustments to the pixel. i cannot do ANYTHING without this mod. i functionally cannot PLAY this game without this mod. it’s VERY good, and ties nicely into:

Scrap Everything: ever looked at the trash on the ground and wished you could poof it out of existence? now you can! it even gives you resources for the effort. vines, trash, walls, pavement, grass, rubble, debris, you name it, you can scrap it! it’s a VERY powerful mod though so be careful what you scrap, because i have actually deleted the entire Castle before. whoops.

Start Me Up: a PREMIER mod. this is like. yeah no. i wont even run my game if this isnt installed. Start Me Up doesn’t just let you have a custom alt-start, but changes all the dialogue in the game to scrub any mention of being Shaun’s parent, so you can play that raider you’ve always dreamed of without ANY concerns of someone asking you if you have a kid. a dream come true :)

Sarcastic Sneaking: changes all sneaking dialogue from HIDDEN, DETECTED, CAUTION and DANGER to SAFE FOR NOW, THEY CAN SEE YOU, THEY’RE GONNA FIND YOU, and YOU’RE FUCKED. this mod doesn’t do anything else. yet it’s one of my favourites of all time. a must-have for a murpy playthru.

Wearable Backpacks and Pouches: i like picking up junk, but my frail back keeps breaking under the weight :( this mod adds customisable backpacks and pouches to increase yr carry limit! amazing.

Survival Options: if yr not playing Survival you don’t need this, BUT if you ARE i cannot recc this mod enough. it lets you adjust yr survival experience to perfection, including adding save options like ‘save on cell change’ or ‘save on level up’, as well as tweaking beds and the like. it pairs nicely with:

Unlimited Survival Mode: allows you to further tweak your game by unlocking hard-coded barriers, such as allowing you the vanilla compass, opening up the console, or allowing you to quick save, auto save, manual save, and much, much more. i use this so i can use god mode whilst building in my sarah run, haha.

OTHER MODS MURPHY COULD MAYBE LIVE WITHOUT, BUT WHY WOULD YOU?

No More Creation Club News: SHUT UP I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE CREATION CLUB!!! TODD!!! gets rid of that bloody... newsreel when u open the game. thats it. im at peace.

Multiple Followers Overhaul: lets me have dogmeat, AND another friend :) can be used to have as many as, like, 50 followers or something crazy? i just use it to always have dogmeat + someone else, lmao.

Lots More Female Hairstyle/Male Hairstyles/Facial Hair: this blends together all of the vanilla hairstyles into more interesting combos numbering the, like, hundreds. can’t recc it enough.

Improved Map With Visible Roads: for when i can’t find goodneighbor :( but actually, this makes the map significantly clearer and easier to use to navigate roads, and is just a quality of life tweak that i rly, rly need in survival, lmao

LooksMenu: does a bunch of stuff in character creation that plays nice with other character creation mods, but primarily allows you to modify the face from a menu rather than contextual hover, and lets you save presets to a menu, so once you’ve made a face you can save it for another character/run later!

APC Transport: i JUST added this one but... lets you travel in survival via a personal APC! comes with storage, artillery, and the ability to travel to any major city and found settlement. it’ll break down every now and again and also consumes fuel, so it’s more immersive than plain ol’ fast travel. i’m REALLY enjoying it!

TBH this isn’t even, like, the end of this list... there’s other mods i, personally, like too much to not have, but this is probably the Lite Version(tm) that also has frameworks for other mods like Sim Settlements and what have you.

again u can see its mostly for building and immersion (and i have even more immersion mods than just this, trust me) but i think it’s a pretty good groundwork for any fallout run. have fun!

#ask #fallout #mods #PHEW theres. a few here lmao #i might throw up a list of all current mods onto gdocs for people to see because making a shortlist was TOUGH #but i think i got the main ones all 2gether lmao #Anonymous

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queenofwerewolves · 4 years ago

Text

Future Hope

chapter one - Where it all began.

We all thought the new decade would be a new fresh start, a new beginning for humanity, we were all so excited for the the arrival of 2020... and it's unknown horrors that we awaited along with it.

it started with just jokes and memes, the virus wasnt affecting us, it didnt seem like a big deal. Then it reached Italy, then the United States. In a span of three months, the entire world changed and was affected by COVID-19. Then it happened.. the attack and sudden uprising of those who had privilege, but didnt know of it's power..

it started with the Black Lives Matter Protests, but it got worst, so unhumaningly worse. People around the country and the world tried to help and stop this evil, but it wasnt enough to stop them. The White Suprimacy.

Death, despair, anguish, loss for hope... What has the world come to?

Even after two years of the incident, in the year of 2022, the same horrors from before was still going on. No one could stop them, those who tried were imprisioned or now buried six feet under, people gave up, they lost hope... Until a new reason for that hope arrived.

It started as a friendship group. Eight people of different kinds, intetrests and hobbies brought together by a common interest, which soon grew into an unbreakable bond, sharing pictures or tagging one another with a funny meme attached to it, simple acts but filled with love.. Until this group almost lost a member.

A fight was happening while she was visiting a store, it was between a simple teen wearing a pride shirt and a middle aged man, bickering and arguing issued, but no one expected the man to pull out a gun and attempt to shoot the kid... Only to miss, and shoot the beloved group friend...

She was texting her friends while it happened, only for them to not hear anything for weeks... But she finally replied, after weeks in the hospital, recovering from the shot. One of the members couldnt have it anymore, and kindly asked for everyone to create a Discord account so they could all see how their wounded friend was doing. Everyone agreed, and surprised her with a call.

Maria was her name, and she couldnt be more delighted about the surprise..

"Yo! Yooo Bitch can you see us?!" Shouted one friend from their call

"For fuck's sake Spike the woman was shot and you have to call her a bitch?!" Rudely replied another friend, who's background was dark and gloomy and had far too many halloween decorations.

Maria laughed softly. "It's OK Spooks.. Wow.. I cant believe Im seeing you all.. Just wished it wasnt at the hospital through a videochat..." She said with a soft smile.

"It is truly a concerning situation we've been dragged into.. but it brings me joy to see you alive and well Maria" Said another friend, looking a little too-well dressed in the call

"Im guessing Griff begged you all to make a Discord huh..?" Maria said, looking at the video box of young man with a concerned yet and embarrassed look.

"Queen... We were so worried..." He answered, slightly choked up. "We thought you were a goner.. When you finally texted back I..I just had to see you..!"

Queen. A nickname she never thought someone would ever call her, hell it was a title that she didnt even deserve. Until she met Griff, which started to call her that, and her other friends jumped along, she always loved that nickname.. Made her feel special...

"Seeing you all together... All for me... It makes me want to cry.. But we dont have time for me getting emocional" Maria answered, suddenly stern

"Why is that Queen? Something going on?" Answered another friend, who was sucking on a lollipop during the call, such the sweet tooth she is.

Maria smiled. "No Muffin.. I simply have a proposal for you all.. And I hope you all are in with me...Because Im getting pretty sick of the way things are in this shit world.."

And so was born a new hope, a group of fighters that are indignified about the way things are, and how they almost took their friend away.

After healing completly at the hospital, they all met in person for the first time. Maria told them that they way they are now wont be enough to make a change to the world, but she knew how to fix that. After a small walk through the woods in the park, they came through a gated area, which Maria crawled under a broken spot of the gate and the others followed, doing the same.

"Long ago" Maria started speaking. "After I moved here, I decided to explore around this park for fun. That's when I found this abandoned gate and went through the same broken piece of wall of the gate we all came through, I believe that's here can help us become better then we already are."

Spike, chewing a piece of gum sneered at her comment. "Oh sure, what is it? A wishing well?"

"Well..." She answered as they came to a stop.

In front of them was a perfectly clean, almost sparkling fountain with clean crystal water still working and flowing out of an angel's vase. The fountain was too bright and shiny, it sure as hell didnt match the rest of the area's gloomy and dark visuals..

"It's a wishing fountain!" Maria spouted out, smiling wide. But the rest werent as.. cheery as she was.

"A fucking... wishing fountain?" Spike answered. "You expect me to believe that's a real wishing fountain? If that's true then why dont you wish for this shit world to become better?"

"I tried!" Maria answered "Apperently it doesnt make big wishes like that, it only makes wishes about yourself or something very small. Like wishing your room to be clean kind of small"

"I mean.. It kinda has that magic aesthetic, I mean, that thing is impeccably clean while the rest is covered in dirt?" Kip answered, glancing at the fountain.

"I know it sounds silly but it really works, I actually did my wish already!" Maria said smiling wide

"Bullshit" Spike answered "You aint a fucking Werewolf, what makes you think we believe you actually wished to be one?"

".. Cause I didnt wished to be a Werewolf..?" Maria answered, dumbfounded. "I always said that I LIKE Werewolves, but I never wanted to be one. I wished to be good at using a scythe and knife throwing, like exceptionally good ya know?" She said excitedly. "And before you answer, YES I do have a scythe, I bought one. Dont ask where."

"So... who goes first?" The smollest of the group, Rook, asked.

"I'll go" Said Griff, pulling out a coin before Maria stopped in this tracks. "This.. Doesnt accept coins" Maria said, seeming a bit worried.

"Then what?" Griff answered back, only to shocked when Maria answered "Blood".

Before Spike could throw a fit, Maria cut him. "Just a drop! Literally! I got a needle here with me, all you gotta do is prick your hand and let the drip fall after you make a wish."

"Let's just get on with it before Spike goes crazy again" Said Blink, the tallest of the group and the one to deal with Spike's bullcrap

Griff took Maria's needle and stood in front of the fountain...And said outloud his wish..

At first he whispered his wish, as if he didnt want anyone to hear it.

"Uh.. It has to be out loud or it wont work Griff." Maria said.

"I-I said.. I wish to be a strong, masculine and really beefy Wererabbit that's really manly and buffed up!!" he shouted with a tone of embarrassment in his voice.

"A Werebunny.. Griffy?" Said Maria in disbelief. "What?! It's co- ow!!" Without looking, he pricked his hand with the needle, and let the drop of blood fall into the fountain's water, mixing along with it. The fountain suddenly shined so brightly that everyone had to cover their eyes for a brief moment before it died out.

Then.. Silence.

"... So.. Now wh-AHCK!!!" Shouted Griff, hit with a sudden shot of pain throughout his body, which made him fall on his knees as everyone backed away from him. They watched in horror as not only he grew almost three times his size, but he got much fuzzier, his ears stretched into rabbit ears, his muscles swelled and bubbled as they grew bigger, his body shifted painfully into a hybrid between man and rabbit. When he finally finished, he just collapsed on the floor, panting exaustedly.

His friends were inicially shocked, until Maria snapped out of it and rushed to his side, placing a hand on his head. "Griffy? You OK..?"

He answered, in a much gruffer, deeper voice.. "Yeah.. Yeah Im good.."

"Jesus.. It worked.. Can you stand?" She asked. Griff nodded as he slowly got up and almost knocked his head on a tree branch from how tall he was now. Everyone was looking up at him, jaws dropped in shock and awe, until..

"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE NAKED!!!" Rook shouted as she covered her eyes, running in place "MY EYES!! THEY BURN!!!"

"We.. better finish these wishes quick and get you some pants." Maria added, Griff simply nodded as he covered himself embarrassed.

One by one they did their wishes. Becoming who they wanted to be to fufill their purpose with Maria.

Spike wished for strong arm strenght, fast stamina and an aluminum bat that never breaks, and can destroy almost anything. Blink asked for a sword, the ability to parkour and jump from building to building like some kind of vigilante. Kip asked to be part cat for the heck of it and that whatever she draws will become a reality. Muffin asked to be a fairy, to bring joy because she isnt a fighter. Togekiss asked for high I.Q, the ability to see simulations of possibilities in the future and telekenisis and teleportation. Spooks asked to be like an Underworld Goddess, with the power to summon shadows and have the darkness on her command, and finally, Rook asked to be part bird and a wizard with elemental nature, and musical spells,to honour her beloved Lammy, she also wished to have a split personality to be like her favorite character, ENA.

And so the team was ready, and soon they would make a change to the world, the revolution has begun, it was time to shine..

For a Future Hope.

#Queen's Story #IT'S HERE #FINALLYYYYY #I HOPE YA'LL LIKE IT

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safebubblebycyg · 4 years ago

Text

let's stop and talk about trans draco real fast, shall we?:

♡ would def come out to his parents during dinner a year before he went into hogwarts "so, hypothetically, what if i decided being a girl sucks and makes me sad and i wanna be a boy?"

♡ narcissa would just smile and pat him on the back, asking what he would like to be called

♡ lucius, to everyone's surprise, was not transphobic, but instead was now determined to have the most handsome son to prove that he didnt need a flat chest and a penis to be better than everyone else

♡ draco went into hogwarts horrified that teachers would deadname him

♡ clearly his parents had spoken to them, though, because they all gladly called him draco

♡ his relatives, the handful that were transphobic, sent him letters addressed to his deadname occasionally and draco simply didnt reply. when his father asked why he wasnt replying, draco said that there wasnt anyone of that name that he knew of (lucius knew he taught his son on how to be petty well)

♡ honestly draco was pretty lowkey about being trans

♡ he didnt ever change in front of people, he always covered his trips to madam pomfrey for testosterone with a library trip, and excused his more feminine build as "since when does body shape have gender?"

♡ which worked stupidly well

♡ until when he went to get his testosterone from madam pomfrey, theo was sitting in there getting treated for a bloody nose (he got into a fight, the idiot)

♡ and theo is the biggest blabber mouth, dont even argue, so he told both blaise and pansy

♡ and they all proceeded to ask (in perfect sync, which freaked draco out) "why do you need testosterone, malfoy?"

♡"imtransformerlinssakepleasedonteverdoanythinginsyncagain" "what?" "...im trans??"

♡ pansy literally just rolled her eyes ("goyle owes me 5 galleons, i knew something was up"), but theo and blaise looked ready to piss themselves

♡ why? because they had shared a dorm with him for multiple years, hOW DID THEY NOT KNOW OH MY-

♡ now, eventually draco fessed up to some other acquaintances, but it wasnt public news

♡ especially because slytherins protect each other at all costs. dracos voice cracked in class once and everyone looked at him, so the rest of the slytherins started answer questions and purposefully cracking their voices. when asked if they were making fun of draco, they all shook their heads and went "guess that's good ol' puberty. i am a growing teen, you know!"

♡ pansy was probably the most protective

♡ she has and will fight someone for draco

♡ "pans, i can fight my own battles" "shush, i throw a meaner jelly legs jinx than anyone in our year"

♡ and you may ask yourself: cygnus, where the heck is the drarry?" SO GLAD YOU ASKED

♡ harry james potter was madly in love with the blonde slytherin

♡ maybe it was the way he blushed after a voice crack or maybe it was his white blonde hair that he played with when he got nervous or maybe it was how he would pull his uniform shirt away from his chest, like it would stick if he didnt

♡ but harry had fallen hard

♡ so hard even ron pointed it out ("we know you're in love with the bloke, but can you stop staring at his ass and focus on the charms essay?")

♡ literally everyone is gryffindor knew

♡ that's alright, everyone in slytherin was well aware of dracos huge crush on harry, to the point where they quoted him ("perfect little potter, with his evergreen eyes that shine in the sun, and his lean body that i could lay on top of and listen to his heartbeat-" "shut up, zabini")

♡ so, for the first time, harry and dracos friends teamed up and operation drarry was in full swing

♡ hermione and pansy were in charge of setting the whole plan up

♡ ron and blaise were in charge of setting them up at the right place at the right time

♡ neville and theo were in charge of distracting the two for the day

♡ crabbe, goyle, luna, and ginny all got put in charge of setting up the place, and then hide with cameras

♡ the plan was simple, get both harry and draco to the astronomy tower at the same time by having neville and theo give them notes from the other (dracos note to harry written by blaise and harrys to draco by ron). ginny and luna would then set up candles and blankets and simple charms that let flowers and vines grow along the walls while crabbe and goyle set up charms to only let select people enter the astronomy tower without thinking they forgot something and leaving. and course, this genius was planned by pansy and hermione.

♡ BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT WORKED UNBELIEVABLY WELL

♡ GINNY CAUGHT A PHOTO OF THEM SNOGGING

♡ IT WAS GREAT

♡ well, until draco started wheezing cuz the dingus had stayed in his binder for way too long

♡ harry smiled softly at the embarrassed boy before pulling off his quidditch sweater and handing it to draco ("go ahead and take your binder off-" "how did you-" "shush, it was in the note, blaise didnt conceal it was him very well and threatened me not to judge you just because you're trans. i could care less, you're still you and still valid. now take off your binder, the sweater should be lose enough on you to cover anything")

♡ harry walked draco back to his dorm that night and told him to keep the sweater "it looks cuter on you"

♡ yes, draco told his father about it

♡ "dear draco,

YOU CHOSE THE POTTER BOY OF ALL PEOPLE-"

this one was requested by @punkmccartney here on tumblr and i couldnt resist (:

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED !!

#harry potter #harry x draco #yer a wizard harry #hogwarts #gay #trans guy #trans #drarry #draco malfoy #slytherin #gryffindor

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arthurflecksgirl · 4 years ago

Note

Imagine giving Arthur a clown soft toy🥺

Plushie clowns and happy tears

was a Headcanon I wrote a while back. It was one of my first I think.

I`ll copy it in here:

* When Arthur was still a little boy he had no toys at all. Penny didnt have much money and she wouldnt try to get him at least even one single toy. He knew that toys existed, though. He saw other kids on tv playing with teddy bears and plastic cars. Little Artie always looked at them with a heavy heart. He wished so much for just one toy.

*When he would ask Penny if he could have one, she would always say that she is poor and can`t afford such unnecessary stuff. That he didnt needed toys anyway, because he was already such a happy boy.

*Arthur wasnt happy. And watching the kids in the movies playing in their bedrooms made him even sadder. He didnt had his ow bedroom eighter. He slept on a matress in the corner of the living room, right beside the radiator. He always thought it would help him a lot to have something to cuddle with while lying there. Stuffed animals were his faves. No one ever hugged him, so at least he would have something to hug and cling on.

* Sometimes he wished for a present from his mum on his birthday. But it never happened. No one ever mentioned his birthday. Some years he even forgot his birthday himself. It was like it doesnt even existed. It was like HE doesnt even existed. He just wished Pennys boyfriend also thought he didnt existed. But he did.

*One day, when he got hurt by Pennys partner again, little Artie would run away from home. Running down the streets in Gotham city. He didnt knew where to go to. He wished he had a friend, but he was all alone in the world.He thought that If he had a friend right now, he could go there and maybe he or she would have some toys to play with together. Maybe even a teddy bear.

*Gotham was a very ignorant city. They didnt even noticed the little kid running around without his parents. Arthur sat down on a bench. He wanted to cry but he couldn`t. He felt the urge to cry so many times, but it was difficult for him to make the tears come. So it was just a feeling of being chocked. No one could see how he felt inside. That he was getting short of air.

* After the air came back again he would walk down the streets and find a junk market. He saw one of those markets before when Penny neeeded a new jacket. It was people seeling their old stuff for a cheap prize. Arthur walked through the pretty crowded place. Many clothes and books. Sometimes he watched people buying stuff and looked at the differents things with curiousity. But he never dared to touch or ask for something.

*After fiveteen minutes of pushing himself through the crowds he would see the most colorful tables of them all. It had stuffed animals, plastic cars, puzzles, games and other toys all over. Arties couldnt belive his eyes. It was so beautiful. He made a stop right there, staring at the teddy bears.

*The old woman sitting behind the table looked at him and asked him if he lost his parents. He didnt answered. All his attention was focused on green hair sticking out between the different teddy bears. It chatched his attention right away.

*“I see you are looking at something?” the woman asked. Arthur pointed at it “Does that one teddy bear have green hair?”. The lady smiled “Oh no, thats not a bear.” Her hand was reaching out for it and she pulled out a small plushy clown with yellow vest over a checkered jacket. Arthur loved the huge, curly, green hair and his painted face.

*The old lady showed him the plushy “He`s got one big, smile,huh? He was always my fave but I am getting old. I dont need him anymore.”

*Arthur kept in staring at the small clown. There was something about this toy that made him feel less sad when he was looking at it. The woman asked him one more time if he was all alone here. And Arthur told her that he ran away from home, which alarmed the woman right away. She told him that he cannot walk around Gotham all alone. That its a dangerous city for a small kid like him.

*The old lady touched the hair of the plushy clown. “Would you promise me to go back home if I give you Mr. Clown?”. Arthur nodded sadly “But I dont have any money”. “Thats okay, little boy. Just please go back to your parants,okay?” Arthur nodded one more time as she handed him the clown.

*He felt something that must have been joy when he held the clown in his hands. He touched the fabric of the clowns clothes and looked at his big smile. He looked up to the seller “My mum always tells me that I should put on a happy face”.

*“See?” the lady said “I am sure your mum is already worried about you. Hurry up!” And as litte Artie said thank you for the present and turned around to leave the place, the old lady ran after him and told him “Hey, little boy, just to let you know. His name is carnival”.

*30 years later

*Arthur was having nightmares again. He woke you up in the middle of the night, just like you told him he should if the nightmares wouldnt leave him alone. And it would happen a lot.

*You told him that its okay and turned on the lights. He was covered in sweat, his brown culs hanging heavy upon his forehead, dark bags under his eyes. He was even having trouble breathing a bit.

*You wrapped his arms around him tight as he was kneeing on the bed. Usually there were no words needed. Hugging him was enough. He just needed human connection. Something he never experienced in his childhood.

* He told you that it was memories of his childhood again. He wasnt sure which part of his nightmares were based on true memories and which ones were just stuff his mind made up while sleeping. He always had this one dream about his only toy being taken away from him. A small, plushy clown he found at a junk marked after running away from home. He didnt even remembered who it was that took th plushy away from him, but the pain of losing his one and only toy was unbearable for little kid Artie. It wouldnt even leave him alone 30 years later.

*After you managed to calm him down , he would crawl back under the sheets again, pressing the pillow against his face to build a shelter.

*The next few days you thought about his memories a lot and wondered how you could help him with that. You might not be able to change the memories but maybe there was a way to comfort him. And suddenly soemthing came to your mind. What if YOU would make him his own clown plushy all by yourself? He told you so many times how his old one looked like and you were really good in knitting. So maybe you should give it a try?

*You started to knit a small clown the next day. You had everything you needed for it. There was just some meterial missing that you needed for his clothes,so you bought some fabric to make sure it would look like the plushy he discribed. It took you some days and you were hiding your work in the wardrobe between your sweaters to make sure he wouldnt find it before its finished.

*You were really excited about the thought that you might make him happy with the clown plushy. Knitting it for him made you happy,too. You put all your love in it. Thinking about kid Artie always made you sad but now he wasnt alone anymore. He wouldnt be alone ever again. You loved him with all your heart and you would never leave him alone ever again. He knew that.

*As the clown was finished you looked at it and felt satisfied with the result. His smile was big and bright red. You even managed to make the green hair look real puffy and curly. The jacket looked a bit big on him but you thought this would be just right.

*Early in the morning after you made some coffee, when Arthur was still asleep you tip toed back to the bed and placed the plushy right beside his pillow, so he would see him right after he wakes.

*You sat beside him on the bed, sipping your coffe, reading a book and twenty minutes later he started moving, mumbling something you couldnt understand, before he opened his sleepy eyes.

*You touched his messy bed hair “Hey, my love. Good morning”. Arthur immediately saw that there was something lying beside his head. He asked you what it is and reached out for it.

*You could never forget his face when he saw what it was. He wanted to ask you where it came from right away, but he couldnt say anything. He just looked at the small clown. And at you. And back at the plushy. His eyes watering, tears of happiness running down his cheeks, as he pressed the plushy close to his naked chest.

*You crawled up to him, laying your loving arms around his fragile shoulders “I hope it just looks like the clown from your childhood, Artie. I knitted this one for you myself. I thought you need your little friend again”.

*Arthur pressed the clown even closer to him, he was crying so hard. “I don`t know what to say” he whimpered. “This makes me so happy. YOU make me so happy. I don`t deserve it.” He smiled between the tears “Look at his big SMILE!”. He gave you a sloppy kiss on the lips. His face wet from crying.

* You kissed his salty tears away. One by one. A taste of his happiness. The happiness he deserved so much.

*Arthur took a close look to every detail of the plushy. “He is holding a sign with his name on it!” he said.

*Yes Artie, he does. Remember you told me the name of your childhood plushy? I didnt forgot.

*Arthur`s smile grew even wider than the clown`s smile. His eyes lighted up as a single tear fell on the plushy´s sign which said “MY NAME IS CARNIVAL”.

------

So yeah....

Oh my god, Arthur would be the cutest when receiving a clown soft toy or a plushie. He would be so moved. Artie is a little boy at heart and he deserves to get all the things he never got when he was a kid.

He would be in tears. Happy tears. I often imagined this. I think he would hug it all night long when you wouldnt be home.

I would definitely give him one!

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