#i still have hope my worst fears won’t come true. but. but….

[jeanmoreaux]

now i remember why i completely blocked out the ending of the second book because unless backman pulls a switcheroo i will be throwing my copy of the winners against the wall.

[aworldinsideaperson]

Loss-Robert “BOB” Floyd

Pairing: Robert “Bob” Floyd x wife!reader

Plot: The worst day of Bob’s life.

Warnings: Critical injuries, medical themes (probably many inaccuracies), Angst, sadness, potential for death, car accident, talk of Carol Bradshaw’s death.

Word Count: 2,967

Robert Floyd had few fears. If asked, he would say the list of things that scared him was rather short. Spiders, talking to new people, and death. Though as he walked in circles around the hospital waiting room he wondered if the only thing that truly terrified him would come to pass.

He couldn’t tell if it had been seconds or hours since he arrived, a phone call he never expected to receive putting him in auto pilot; one moment standing beside his friends smiling to being in the faux comforting waiting area trying to piece together the words the doctor had uttered.

Accident. Bleeding. Severe. Surgery. Everything we can. Everything we can. Everything. We. Can. Bob Floyds one, true, debilitating fear coming to fruition. The loss of his wife.

He was hardly aware of his surroundings, pacing in a never ending circle, determined to walk a hole into the floor of this hospital. One by one his friends came, calmly laying a hand on his shoulder and taking a seat to watch Bob’s cyclical parade of one.

Phoenix stood from her seat, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder as he came to a stop. “Bob, why don’t you sit down.”

His head shook violently as the tears came to his eyes and his breath caught as he stuttered quickly. “I- I- I can’t. I can’t shit- sit c- c- cause they’re gonna- gonna be out any- ugh- any second and ugh they’re um- they’re gonna - they’re gonna tell me she’s okay and- and I- I just- I just- I gotta be ready. Cause- Cause if I'm standing they’ll know who to talk to and- and there won’t be any kind of um mix up with- with who to- who to talk to. So I’m gonna stand and I’m gonna wait and- and she’s gonna be fine. She’s gonna be fine and- and- and- and-” He could feel his heart beginning to race again and he found it difficult to get a breath as the panic began to rise in his chest once again.

Nat took his hand and squeezed to tightly in hopes of grounding him as she spoke gently. “What if I stand for a little while, you sit, take a breath, and I’ll stand. So they know.”

Looking into her eyes Bob took a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you.” He said softly as he squeezed her hand and moved back to the seat Natasha had vacated.

Bob sat between Bradley and Jake, taking a deep shaking breath, and Natasha stood. She took up post for her backseater, pacing in his place; half an hour she paced before Bradley took her place, then Jake after him. A change of guard every thirty minutes as each of his coworkers, his friends, his family, took turns standing and pacing and waiting. His people being there for him as much if not more than his wife.

As Bob stands, ready to let Maverick have the seat he’s vacating is when news finally comes. Striding toward the naval group was a tall man with a stoic look. “Mister Floyd?” Feeling as though the air has caught in his chest once again Robert Floyd only nods and takes a single step closer.

He tries to keep his head high with confidence as the man before him stands rigid and places his hands behind his back, his face still set without emotion. Bob is sure he’s about to get the worst news of his life, quickly playing out if anyone would be fast enough to stop him from walking into traffic. Then the doctor’s lips start to move.

“My name is Doctor Michaels, would you like to go somewhere more private?”

Robert Floyd looks around the room, filled with some of the people who cared about him most, people who’d kept him alive, people he’d kept alive, his family, and he shook his head as tears began to well up in his eyes.

Nodding, Dr. Michaels continued. “Your wife is on her way out of surgery and into recovery. Making it through the surgery was tough but she did make it. She is by no means out of the woods and I don’t want to give you a false sense of hope but you can come back and stay with her while we monitor her and get a room ready.”

Dr. Michaels began to walk away, leading Bob toward a double door as he continued to speak. “Over the next few hours we can discuss the extent of her injuries and what recovery may look like going forward.” He stopped beside a clear glass wall and Bob averted his eyes, keeping his focus on the doctor as he continued to speak. “She’s not out of the woods but making it through the surgery should be seen as a positive step.” Reaching out and placing a hand on Bob’s shoulder Dr. Michaels attempted a reassuring smile of sorts. Peaking for the first time at his badge he saw a yellow line across the bottom and the word ‘Resident’ in bold script. He wondered if this was the first time he’d had to deliver poor news. If the worst day of Bob’s life was a sort of milestone for the young man before him. “You can head in whenever you’re ready.” Squeezing his shoulder Dr. Michaels turned away and continued to walk down the hall.

Squeezing his eyes tightly Bob breathed deeply and finally turned to the door the opened automatically before him. Stepping inside the room he was greeted to a barely lit room, two nurses moving beside his wife tending to her. Tucking a blanket around her legs, hanging bags from her IV pole, quietly finishing and moving from her bedside. Both nurses gave him a small, sad smile as the left the room.

He couldn’t bring himself to move. He couldn’t bring himself to look up from the floor. The beeping. The pumping of the ventilator. He wasn’t ready to attach the surrounding sounds with an image. It feels like an eternity before he feels he can look at her. She doesn’t look like herself. Hooked up to machines, bags of medication dripping into her body, bruises and cuts marking every inch of skin he can see. It’s not until he sniffles that he realizes the tears he’s been bottling for hours have finally broken free. He moves slowly across the room, sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed. He reaches out to brush his fingers over her hand, fingers then slipping into her palm and drawing patterns on the soft skin. The only place that seems to be free from cuts.

Letting out a breath he trains his eyes on the face of the woman he’s loved for so long. “Hello there Mrs. Floyd, it’s me, Mr. Floyd your husband. I’m here darlin’.

Hours had passed, the sun long since set when a hand was once again placed on his shoulder. His fingers still drawing on the skin of his wife’s palm as he looked up at several staff members shuffling into the room. The woman holding his shoulder spoke gently. “We’re going to transfer her to the ICU now. The process of moving patients can be overwhelming for family so if you’d like to come with me I have some paperwork for you to work on; you can it back to the waiting room and I’ll come get you when she’s all settled?”

Bob shook his head, turning back to look at the woman he loved. “I’d much rather stay.”

“Truthfully Mr. Floyd-” She began before being cut off by Bob.

“It’s Lieutenant. Sorry she’s always on me about correcting that.” He didn’t have a habit of interrupting people. In fact if his mother had been in the room she would have attempted to scold him like he was a little boy again. But his wife was always addamet about correcting his title. Said he worked hard for it and deserved to have it recognized. She’s been so proud of his promotion she’d moaned lieutenant for hours that night.

“Lieutenant Floyd.” She began again. “Truthfully, she’s due for more sedation and there is a probability that she’s come out of it enough to experience some significant pain during the transfer. You need to take care of yourself too and you don’t need to experience that. Please. Let me come get you when we have her all settled.” She reached for the hand he had dangling over the armrest and squeezed it in her own. “I promise you if things take a turn in the time you’re away I will come and get you quicker than a flash.”

Bob looked into her eyes and as his shoulders relaxed he nodded. He squeezed wife’s hand once more, and whispered that he’d be right back as he kissed her forehead. Then he turned from the bed, following the woman out of the room and towards the nurse’s station. With a sad smile she hands him a stack of papers, a clipboard, and a pen.

“Here is that. Take your time with it. There is a lot of information and questions in there so don’t feel like you have to do it all at once.” Turning around she reached for a large opaque bag with the hospital’s name and logo printed on the front and handed it to him. “Here are her belongings. Most of the clothing was unsalvageable but everything is in there except…” Her eyes darted around the space in front of her as she searched for something. “Aha! This is the jewelry she was wearing when she came in, including her wedding ring.” Placing the small bag in his hand and wrapping his fingers around it as she squeezed his hand tightly. A feeling of comfort passed through him as she held it tightly. “I’ll come get you the moment she’s settled.”

Looking into her eyes Bob took her in for a moment. A short woman, early 50’s, graying brown hair and deep brown eyes radiating kindness. She reminded him of his mother and tears came to his eyes again. “Thank you.” His words hardly audible.

“Do you need help finding the waiting room?”

Shaking his head Bob slipped the small bag into his pocket. “No, I remember. Thank you ma’am.” She nodded and Bob turned to walk back to the room where his nightmare started.

Walking back through the double doors he looked up to find the waiting room still half full of faces he knew and a gentle smile came to his face. “What’re you guys still doing here?”

Mickey answered. “We wanted to be here in case either of you needed anything.”

Shaking his head Bob found two empty seats, placing the contents of his arms in one and plopping down heavily into the other. “You didn’t need to do that. It’s been hours.”

Natasha moved to the other side of her friend, draping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him in for an awkwardly angled hug. “We needed to be here for you. How is she?”

“Not good. Critical condition they say. They’re transferring her to the ICU and they’ll come get me when she’s settled.” He leaned forward, his forearms on his knees as he closed his eyes and tried to focus his breathing.

“How are you?” Jake asked, today one of the few times he’d been truly kind to Bob.

Looking up at him, his body still resting forward, Bob let out a huff that was reminiscent of a laugh. “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” Leaning back again, eyes trained on the floor as he spun his wedding ring around his finger. “You guys should head home, it’s late and I’m sure we’ll still be here in the morning.”

“At least let us see her. Let her know that we’re here for her and that we’re with you. Whatever either of you need, we’re here.” Maverick insisted.

Looking around the room, the eyes of his friends trained on him as they all nodded in agreement so Bob nodded too. Tears filling his eyes at the love surrounding him. “Thanks guys.”

For 45 minutes the group sat in near silence; startling at every opening door or foot step rushing past. When the woman from earlier came into the room Bob made sure to take note of her name tag. Elizabeth. Social worker. She smiles warmly as she approaches Bob, taking note of the gaggle of people following along as they arrive on the 8th floor. Trekking down the hall in a single file line until they reach room 875. Directly across from the nurse’s station. Bob grabs Nat’s hand and squeezes tightly as the two of them walk into the room, everyone else lining up against the wall to wait.

He can hear Nat suck in a breath but to Bob it’s a better sight than before. The room is a little brighter, there’s a tv playing the Food Network attached to the wall, a wall of windows and they’d turned off the sound of the monitors so at least he wouldn’t have to hear the incessant beeping though the sound of the compressing ventilator still filled the room. His wife is still covered in bruises and cuts, but she looks like she’d been cleaned up. Most of the dried blood was gone, and it looked as though someone had at least attempted to smooth her hair. Sitting in the hard recliner beside her bed, Bob took her hand again and the tension in his shoulders eased. “Let everyone know they can come in when they’re ready.” Bob didn’t move as she left the room and returned with their flock.

For several minutes everyone just stood watching. Watching as her chest moved up and down. Looking at a woman whose face they knew but the could hardly recognize in the current state. Then slowly but surely they stepped up to her bedside one by one.

Fanboy taking her hand and whispering a prayer before kissing it and making a sign of the cross.

Rueben with a crack in his voice assured her that she’d be okay as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Jake had tears welling in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Bob from behind and squeezed him tightly. “I live the closest. Call me if things change.”

Coyote stayed by her feet, his face hard as he gently patted her ankle and quickly left the room.

Maverick kissed her forehead, telling Bob he’d be back in the morning.

The last three in the room, Bob, Nat, and Bradley. The three of them sat silently for some time; Natasha in the chair opposite Bob and Bradley on the couch built into the wall beneath the windows. Eventually as the clock signaled the end of one day and beginning of the next Natasha stood, pressed a kiss to her good friend’s head and turned to Rooster.

“You comin’ Roo?”

“Actually Bob, if you don’t mind, I think I’d like to stay.”

Giving Bradley a sad smile he let his head fall to the side as it shook. “You really don’t have to do that Brad.”

“I want to.” He assured.

Bob nodded and Phoenix said her goodbyes, hugging her backseater extra tightly and then leaving the men alone in the room.

Bob sighed, his hand still gripping tightly to his wife’s. He leaned back in the chair and turned his head to face Rooster. “So, why’d you want to stay?”

Bradley leans back slowly, running a hand through his hair as he looks up at the ceiling. “Um, my mom was in the hospital when she died. She had been doing pretty good and we were expecting her to get out soon so no one was there. Well, no one but me. One second we were laughing and talking about going on a road trip before I left for college and the next,” His eyes were now trained on the ground, emotions surfacing that he rarely let others see. “Well the next she was gone.” Standing up, Rooster took the seat on the other side of the bed and took her hand in his. “I was alone when my mom died and I know that Mrs. Floyd here is going to make a full recovery, but on the off chance that I’m wrong, you don’t deserve to be here alone.” Bradley looked over at Bob who’s tears were once again finally spilling over.

“Can I have a few minutes alone with her right now?”

“Yeah. I’ll go find us something to snack on, gotta be a halfway decent vending machine around here.” He stood and walked out of the room, the door closing behind him.

Bob sits in silence at first. His head devoid of thoughts as he watches his wife’s chest move up and down in time with the only sound in the room. He’s holding her hand, remembering the very first time their hands touched all the way back in the 7th grade. How her fingers had brushed against his so softly as they sat side by side in the library. It happened six times before Bobby swallowed his fear and took hold of her hand firmly. Their hands had been so small then but he remembered them fitting like puzzle pieces when their fingers interlocked. Their hands had grown but they always managed to still fit together perfectly.

Bob closed his eyes tight, lifting her hand to his lips he pressed a kiss to the back of it before he looked at his wife’s face and spoke firmly. “I don’t know if you can hear me baby, but if you can, don’t give up on me.”

[calliesmemes]

DARKNESS HAUNTS YOUR NARRATIVE

UNSETTLING SENTENCE STARTERS FROM VARIOUS SOURCES THAT WILL SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE AND LEAVE AN OMINOUS FEELING LINGERING IN THE ROOM.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   I’m deep inside your mind. There is no escape for you. ”

“   You save everyone, but who saves you? ”

“   The power inside of me — it’s terrifying. ”

“   Power belongs to those who take it. ”

“   You’ll be the ruin of me, won’t you? ”

“   You weren’t meant to save the world — you were meant to destroy it. ”

“   You didn’t break me; you built me. All you did was make me ruthless. ”

“   You have no power over me. ”

“   I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me. ”

“   All the greatest loves end in violence. ”

“   I don’t think you’re truly mean. You have sad eyes. ”

“   In theory the prophecy could still come true. ”

“   One day, your empathy is going to get you killed. ”

“   We are masters of our own destiny. ”

“   Never trust a survivor until you find out what they did to survive. ”

“   The horror that you have seen is not who you are. ”

“   A little too much anger, too often or at the wrong time, can destroy more than you would ever imagine. ”

“   Your scars are not your shame; they are your story. ”

“   I will never turn my back on people who need me. ”

“   Isn’t it scary to be ready to die at such a young age? ”

“   Your mind is a weapon. Keep it loaded. ”

“   Are you hearing those voices again? ”

“   It scares me sometimes. The emptiness I see in your eyes. ”

“   You may not be interested in the war, but the war is interested in you. ”

“   Haven’t you taken enough from me? ”

“   You collect scars because you want proof that you are paying for whatever sins you have committed. ”

“   It is okay to be angry. It is never okay to be cruel. ”

“   I hope that what you did to me haunts you. ”

“   The price of freedom is high. It always has been. ”

“   When you talk, I can hear the revolution. ”

“   Do not pretend that you are some meek, pathetic little girl when I can see that vicious mind working behind your eyes. ”

“   Your new life will cost you your old one. ”

“   Watching someone you love suffer can teach you even more than suffering yourself can. ”

“   Some people are in your life to test you ”

“   Fear makes men more dangerous than magic ever could. ”

“   At what point do you think i'll become the wound itself and not simply the bearer? ”

“   We are made of all those who have built and broken us. ”

“   All power demands sacrifice and pain. ”

“   Some things buried deep need to stay that way. ”

“   You and I are going to change the world. ”

“   I wonder which will get you killed faster — your loyalty, or your stubbornness? ”

“   Something’s made your eyes go cold. ”

“   If I am not a weapon, then what am I? ”

“   Your chains are broken, but are you truly free? ”

“   You were alone before they left you. ”

“   You can love a monster, it can even love you back, but that doesn’t change its nature. ”

“   It’s awful not to be loved. It’s the worst thing in the world … it makes you mean, and violent, and cruel ”

“   We can simultaneously be both human and monster. ”

“   I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. ”

“   You laugh like a little girl and think like a martyr. ”

“   Grief taught me inhumane things. ”

“   You will always be a monster. There is no turning back from it. ”

“   I know there’s a villain, and I’m worried it’s me. ”

“   I can’t stand the bitter thing that I’ve become. ”

“   People will never bleed enough to fulfill your vision of justice. ”

“   What if I told you the truth about what happened that night? ”

“   Part of me died in order to survive. ”

“   We are cursed with a tendency for violence. ”

“   I speak in verses, prophecies, and curses. ”

“   I see no use quarrelling with fate. ”

“   Nobody smart plays fair. ”

“   Fine, make me your villain. ”

“   They should be terrified of me. ”

“   I gave you devotion, blood, and my life. ”

“   How disappointing, when people succumb to what is expected of them. ”

“   Perhaps that was why I had to endure pain — because true transformation can only happen in the crucible of suffering. ”

“   Morality, too, is a question of time. ”

“   Memories destroy us. ”

“   My entire life, I’ve been fighting a war. ”

“   Fair is foul, and foul is fair. ”

“   Are you becoming what you’ve always hated? ”

“   I have found it takes a lot of strength to endure myself. ”

“   Loving any of us is a death sentence, isn’t it? ”

“   You long to be bandaged before you have been cut. ”

“   I feel so lost among these entirely strange people. ”

“   Remembering is like an open wound. ”

“   The wounded recognize the wounded. ”

“   I am alone and am suffocating because I cannot give voice to my emotions. ”

“   I’ve lived through entire tragedies in silence. ”

“   The more you love, the more you suffer. ”

“   The crowd that applauds a ruler’s coronation is the same crowd that will applaud a tyrant’s beheading. People like a show. ”

“   You are a better knife than you are a person. ”

“   Life goes more smoothly without a heart. ”

“   People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. ”

“   I’m nostalgic for the anger I once had. ”

“   The pain I didn’t tell you about has built a home inside of me. ”

“   My greatest regret was how much I believed in my own future. ”

“   All I ever do is grieve. ”

“   Do not mock a pain you haven’t endured. ”

“   I control the shadows. They do not control me. ”

“   Turn the pain into power. ”

“   Sometimes, we survive by forgetting. ”

“   I am now the most miserable man living. ”

“   To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me. ”

“   In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony. ”

“   I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me. ”

“   Memories do not always soften with time; some grow edges like knives. ”

“   Maybe everything that you thought was breaking you was actually leading you towards yourself. ”

“   Sometimes, not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world. ”

[szynkaaa]

03. In Which a Stinky Monkey Needs a Bath

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... And one time, while traveling through the New West, you were not in the greatest mood. 

You were walking couple of paces ahead of me, gripping your staff tightly, and I was trying my best to keep up with you. It wasn’t easy, with the snow reaching my knees. Least with you wading through it at the front, all I had to do was walking into the trail you left behind. 

Normally, you’d walk next to me. It’s mostly to make sure that nothing was attacking me from behind when you were walking too far ahead, but then at some point I think you started to enjoy my company. It was also easier for you to shove me aside into safety in case we got ambushed. Better have bruises from the impact than a massive gnarly gash across the back.  

Another tell-sign that you were miffed: You walked with you shoulder all tensed up, and your tail was poised up higher than usual moving slowly left and right.  

If I had to take a wild guess, I’d say it might have something to do with the really weird looking monkey (that looked like it hasn’t bathed in decades and could use a full bottle of body lotion), wearing read loose pants and a mask as a necklace around his neck. We first spotted him sitting on a roof top of an abandoned building surrounded by frozen corpses.  

He was eating a fruit before he heard us coming. It didn’t seem like that monkey appreciated us interrupting his meal time – he looked fairly annoyed. His black soulless eyes swept over me, looking more and more annoyed, but then the mood instantly shifted when his eyes landed on you. Black orbs widened up in surprise, something akin to fear flashed across his face and finally settled what seems to be smugness? The monkey let out a hiss before casually dropping his fruit from the roof down onto one of the frozen corpses and hey what do you know, one of my worst nightmares came true: it came alive.  

Loud cracking sound echoed through the howling wind, the frozen corpse moving its limbs that have not been used in a long time, and grabbed for the weapon close to it, before coming swinging at us with a loud roar.  

Thankfully, you already dashed ahead to beat the living (or un-living?) crap out of the frozen corpse before it could even hit any of us.  

All I could think in that moment while watching the other monkey running away on his four was ‘Damn. There are more frozen corpses ahead of us and I haven’t had any coffee for a long time to deal with this crap’ and ‘fuck me sideways, this is like every horror scenario coming true and I did not fucking sign up for this’, and ‘dear god please just let this day end a warm hot spring would be really nice right now’.  

And I was right. I warm hot spring would be really fucking nice right now because someone had to chase after the crusty looking monkey – while beating up all the frozen corpses on the chase. Very nice of you to make sure I didn’t have to deal with them, it still would have been nice if you could have waited for me, was what I was thinking while running through the snow and against the wind to catch up with you.  

By the time I caught up with you, I broke up in sweat, and was panting slightly. I don’t really consider myself badly out of shape – I think I’m pretty fit for my age. But running through knee high snow, with the wind blowing against you and also wearing thick winter clothes that I bartered from a village we passed by, it made the jog up a bit more challenging than usual.  

And now I’m sweating and really hoping that the sweat won’t cool off too fast on my body and hopefully I won’t catch a cold in this miserable weather-  

The wind blew into my direction, carrying a hefty stank with it; rotten egg sewers system stank mixed with a lactose intolerant person who forgot to take their lactose pills and decided to go for that boba tea anyway because you only live once (could not be me).  

I immediately clamped my gloved hand over the lower half of my face, squinting through the howling wind to see where the fuck that smell came from.  

Pop quiz time!  

Question 1: Where did the stank come from 

Your monkey (not the crusty looking one) somehow managed to find a hot spring. The stronger the sulfur rotten egg smell, the better the mineral in the water is for your skin. 

One of the frozen corpses he beat up turned out to be a hollow shell, and upon breaking it releases a horrible gas that smells like rotten eggs.  

The very crusty looking monkey that looks like he should be buried 20 feet deep you are fighting right now keeps flashing you his behind and farting on your monkey. 

Question 2: What do you do in this situation.  

Take cover, stay out of this fight, do not get involved.  

One up the crust monkey. His farts are smelly? Well guess what maybe the Destined One’s even worse with his vegetarian diet. 

Throw a well-aimed snowball to help out your comrade. 

Question 3: When was the last time you told your loved ones ‘I love you’ before you got spirited away? 

Very recently, you always say ‘I love you’ to them at the end of a conversation like it’s the last one. Life is short and you never know what will happen. 

You don’t remember. You barely talk to your ‘loved’ ones anymore, life keeping you busy. Your last conversations were shallow catch up, and you realize that you have slowly pushed all the people in your life away and now you regret not playing a more active part in their lives anymore. 

This is all just a bad dream. Soon you will wake up, surrounded by your loved ones and that is when you tell them that you love them and you are glad to be able to see their faces again.  

And BOY did I wish the answer to question three was c, and I bet you, the Destined One, wished the same thing because you looked like you were fighting for your life (and fresh oxygen) against the monkey.  

He truly had the audacity to be flashing his thankfully covered butt at you several times and let out stinky farts, and I was wondering why the hell were you not dodging it. Or at least it looked like you were trying to, but failing miserably.  

Part of me had to respect the crusty monkey for being able to let out farts on command.  

If it wasn’t for the frequent fart attacks, I’d say you were holding up pretty well in the fight. But I can also see that with each fart-attack, you were getting more and more agitated, your attacks and moves becoming more frantic an un-coordinated. Who could blame you, if it was me, I’d also getting pissed and just want to whack everything wildly around me.  

I was lucky that the crusty monkey has not decided to attack me, and decided mayhap I should help you out a bit lest you die of being stank up, and I don’t think anyone would want that written on their grave.  

The Destined One, died by fart. You were loved and you will be missed.  

Spotting a small rock at my feet, I crouched down and started to roll it around in the snow, until it was fully covered and then getting bigger and bigger. Then I picked up the freshly made snowball, threw it in the air and caught it with my hand to test the weight. Not too light, but also not too heavy. Good enough to give someone a good smack.  

I looked back up again to see how you were faring in the battle – crusty monkey stuck his sword to the ground and was using it as a pole to swing around in a circle, kicking you back in the process. You tumbled back a few times, fell into the snow. 

As you got up to shake off the snow, and the crusty monkey laughing at you, I took this chance to aim and throw the snowball as hard as I can at the farting monkey. The snowball breezed through the air, hitting the crusty monkey square on the side of his face as he was busy laughing at you. It didn’t really do any damage enough, but it was enough to distract him. He turned his head into the direction of where the snowball came from, while his hand moving to grip his sword. That was enough time for you to adjust your grip on your staff and charge at him with a battle yell. One jump, you moved your free hand to grip your stuff, lift it up above your head and then went to smack the other monkey.  

He stumbled back couple of paces, before growling at you, and then decided that this was a fight he cannot win and disappeared in a wind of black dust.  

Coward.  

I came out of my hiding place, standing next to you, watching after the black dust wind flying off into the distance. 

And then another waft of wind blew into my direction. 

“Oh God, you need a bath, Kiwi.”, I groaned out, covering my nose and again and waving my free hand in front of my face in hopes to make the bad smell disappear.  

And I suppose you did not appreciate that comment.  

So not were you only pissed because of getting constantly farted, your travel companion – me – made a not-so-nice-remark about your current predicament, after you made sure you killed all the frozen corpses and fought the crusty monkey off.  

Seeing you walking in front of me with your tail showing that you were angry... I really was a shitty companion sometimes, was I?  

Just I was about to open my mouth to apologize to you, you suddenly stopped walking and I almost walked into you. Puzzled, I wanted to ask what happened and if there was something dangerous in front of us, but then I saw you turning your head up, your nose started sniffling something in the air. I copied you, but I couldn’t really smell anything out of the ordinary beside the cold winter air.  

You followed your nose, and seeing as I have nowhere better to go, I followed wherever your nose was taking you. It soon led us to an abandoned run-down shack. Not the first time we have come across during our travel, and we have used countless of those as a temporary shelter. The closer we got to the shelter, the more I can smell it in the air: rotten egg. 

Please don’t tell me this is the shelter of the crusty monkey and you are here for a round two-  

Instead of going inside the shelter, you walked around it. You briefly paused, and turned around to see if I was still following you. And then you nodded your head forward, in a follow-me gesture. So that probably means you were not going into another stinky fight.  

Curious now, I followed you. The rotten egg smell hung stronger in the air, followed by some steam, and I felt how the temperature in the air was getting warmer too, until you I saw what it was that caught your nose. 

A hot spring.  

I couldn’t believe our luck, this god-forsaken cold place really had a hot spring! Steam was rising from the water, fogging up the area. The giant rock pieces places around the spring indicates that the placement was deliberate – perhaps someone used to live here and made good use of the spring?  

“Alright game plan,” I announced, clapping my hands together and then pointed at you “You. Strip off your clothes-” your eyebrows raised up high “and just leave them in the corner over there. I’ll wash them for you while you’re washing up yourself in the hot spring.” My type A personality is coming out. Having something that vaguely resembles a plan made me feel good, it gave me the illusion that I was in control in a situation outside my control. 

As I was giving you instructions, I fumbled in my bag for the bar of soap I purchased in our last village and threw it at you, which you caught with just one hand. You moved it up to your nose to smell it.  

“And after you’re done, it’s my turn to wash up. See if you can find anything to eat while I’m cleaning myself up. Don’t give me that look, he farted on your clothes. You can’t wash yourself up and then put the smelly clothes back on! We can set up a fire and let them dry overnight.”  

I looked at you expectantly with my hands on my hips. You let out a sigh, realizing that this is not a fight you want to fight and I was right (for once), so you started to unstrap the leg and arm and shoulder armor pieces off first.  

I nodded, a triumphant grin on my face. “Alright, I’ll see if there is anything inside this shelter and then come back for your dirty clothes.” 

After accidentally walking on you in your birth suit for the fourth time, I have gotten used to seeing you butt-naked. I didn’t have much problem with nudity in general. When you live in a city with few nudist beaches, and pedal past by it on a bike in summer, you get used to see all kinds of different body shapes and forms and at some point, they all just blur together. Plus... not that I will ever admit it to your face, but you were kind of nice to look at? 

I also don’t think that you had a big problem with me seeing you naked. If anything, I think after the third time I walked in on you, a wide smug grin spread across the face, your eyes twinkling. I would even say, you enjoyed that I was admiring the view. I still decided to give you the courtesy of some privacy while you were taking off your clothes for your well-deserved bath.  

The funny thing though was that you get flustered seeing me naked. That one time, I wasn’t even fully naked, I was walking around topless with a bra on, trying to look for an ointment Xu Dog oh-so-nicely made for me to put it on my wounds. When you looked up to see what I was doing, and I turned around to ask if you had seen it somewhere, your eyes where wide open and your face red, staring at the amount of skin I was showing. When I was about to ask you if you have seen the ointment somewhere, you got up without a word and left the cave. Your ears were also burning red, and for the rest of the day you couldn’t look me in the eyes.  

And the next time, because the freaking desert was freaking hot and at that point I didn’t care if I’ll get badly sunburnt, I was about to take off my hanfu overcoat. You turned around to see what the rustling was about, and as you saw me slipping my arm off the sleeves, ready to walk around in my bra. My actions made you stop in your track, and your face started to burn up again. You grabbed the collars of my hanfu, pushed my arm back into the sleeves and then made sure that my hanfu coat was neatly tucked and properly worn.  

Since then, I have been more conscious about my nudity around you. It never felt like you were shaming me for it though. If anything, I think you were just flustered? Your tail would be hanging low but waggling back and forth – a sign that you were happy or excited. Or maybe both. 

Your tail told a different story than your actions.  

I shed off my own heavy coat and took off my gloves to make it easier to search for some things in my bag. There was one last mandarin fruit sitting at the bottom of my bag – frozen by now due to the freezing temperature, but if I let it sit close to the hot spring, maybe the steam will thaw it up again. 

I peeked outside and saw the pile of clothes neatly folded up in the spot I pointed at, your armor pieces also neatly laid out next to them. You were already sitting in the hot spring, arms spread out and along with your head, resting on a rock. The tension in your shoulders were gone, finally relaxed after wandering for the whole day and fighting countless of enemies. You were sitting with your back towards me. 

The back of your head really looked like a kiwi fruit. 

Your ears perked up when I started to move towards you, but you didn’t move your head to look at me.  

Placing the mandarin on the ground, I then took off my boots, followed by the socks. The socks I stuffed into my boots, and then I proceeded to roll up my pants until they reached mid-thigh. You finally turned your head around to see what I was doing, and then whipped around to stare at my oh-so-naked legs with wide-saucer eyes, your face flushing red again. Could be the steam, could be my legs, who knows. 

And it’s not like my legs were in their best shape. The skin around it looked like cracked desert surface, desperately in need of a good moisturizer. Shaving my legs was also a luxury I could not afford here – not that it should matter to you anyway. You are fully covered in fur, so that makes you to be the last person on earth allowed to judge the hairy state of my legs.  

Like on clockwork, I noticed the water surface beginning to move faster – probably caused by your tail underwater waggling.  

“Scooch over.” I said, this time not caring that you were flustered from seeing some skin, and then moved to sit on the rock close to where you were, carefully dipping one toe in to test the temperature.  

Heaven, it was heaven. 

I then sunk my whole leg into the water, soon followed by my second leg, just sitting at the edge enjoying the heat. I cannot wait for you to be done with your bath so I could clean myself too.  

You’ve turned your head away to look the over way, the tips of your ear bright red, but your body remained close to where I was sitting. 

It was kind of endearing how the sight of my skin made you flustered liked this. 

Remembering I had a mandarin to thaw and snack on, I reached for it on the ground and then placed it on top of your head.  

“There, now you look like a capybara taking a bath in a hot spring.” I said, grinning.  

Your hand grabbed for the mandarin I placed on the top of your head, and you turned around to look at my quizzically.  

I suppose you wouldn’t know what a capybara is, since they originally come from South America. I tried my best to explain to you what a capybara looks like, using my hands gesturing to the shape of the animal. 

To this date, you still didn’t know what a capybara looks like (but you appreciated me trying to explain it to you).  

“Can you put the mandarin in the hot spring for a few seconds so it thaws?” I asked, and you nodded, doing as I asked you to.  

After a minute or so, the mandarin was warm, and you poked a hole with your long thumb nail at the top of the fruit, and then started peeling it. You started to peel one side from the top to the bottom, then moved to the next section, until you were left with a flower shaped mandarin peel. Plucking it off and putting it aside, you then split the fruit in half, reaching it towards me. 

I flashed you a thankful smile, and just as I was about to grab for it, you quickly moved your hand back, enough that I couldn’t reach for the piece anymore. My hand, mid frozen at the spot where my half of the fruit was before. You were looking at my stony faced, but your brown eyes were glittering with mischief.  

Look who decided to be a piece of shit now. 

Pursing my lips and looking at you, I slowly reached out my hand again for the fruit, not breaking eye contact.  

I thought I was fast by swiping down to grab it, but you anticipated it and moved your hand even further back again. This time, your face broke into a grin, mirth written all over it.  

I wanted to be annoyed at you, but your smile was infectious and I felt my own lips turning up. Fine, this is how you want to play it huh? I leaned forward, determined to get my well-deserved dose of vitamin C, and you moved your arm further back, out of my reach.  

I rested my hand on one of the rocks, stretching out my own arm. Unluckily, the rock my hand was one came loose and slipped under me, and I lost my balance. I was not able to find ahold of something else to grab on, and felt how my entire body was falling forward.  

At the same time, the grin dropped from your face and you started to panic too. You were also moving, your arms now reaching out to catch me, but it was too late: In a desperate attempt to grab onto something, anything, my two arms wrapped around your neck and your arms around my torso.  

And then I dragged us both underwater. 

Let it be known to the entire New West that the last thing I shouted before going underwater was “My mandarin!” 

The smell of sulfur was the last thing I smelt before water filled up my nose, the burning sensation sitting up high. A pair of strong arms that were already wrapped around my torso then pulled me up, I gasped for air. My hair was clinging to my face now, my clothes soaked. Using my wet sleeves to wipe my eyes, I then opened them, only to be staring at your worried gaze, still holding me around my torso. 

I coughed again, rasped my throat. “I’m- I’m okay.”  

Your shoulders sacked in relief, your tail swinging left and right, splashing the water around it.  

You... were always looking out for me, and making sure that I was okay. Remembering how earlier today I hurt your feelings with that bath comment, I realized that now might be the best time to apologize.  

“I’m sorry what I said about you needing a bath.” I started, and your tail stopped moving, you looked at me intensely. “It was a shitty thing of me to say after you fought against him. If it wasn’t for you, I would not be standing here.”  

Your eyebrows softened, and you moved your right hand up to my shoulder, squeezing it three times reassuringly - ‘we are good, everything is ok’. 

A heavy weight fell off my shoulders and I smiled. Running a hand through my wet hair, I spotted the soap bar sitting on a rock. 

“Well, since I’m inside the hot spring, might as well take a bath now.” I reached my hand into the water to untie my belt, which got me the desired reaction out of you – a little payback was in order. 

You let go of me, as if I was burning your hands, and then turned around and waded as fast as you could towards the edge, and pulled yourself up, stalking away.  

I watched your retreating form, your tails waggling left and right. I didn’t want you to have the last ‘word’ though, so I bit my cheeks before shouting after your retreating form: “You have a really nice ass!” 

You slammed the door to the run-down shelter shut and I threw my head back, laughing.  

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

My apartment came with a separate shower and a bathtub. I never used the bathtub for its intended use (it was an over glorified laundry basket for the longest time), until now. Now I take weekly baths in it, sometimes also three times a week.  

You loved taking baths together. You would claim that a king needs a pair of hands to help him clean the fur – and plenty other monkeys would kill to be in that position. The pout on your lips never stopped not being cute whenever I would shoot back with a ‘well, then why don’t you get the other monkeys to help you wash up then’. But you also knew that I would always give in in the end and help you wash up and then dry and comb your fur. In return, you did the same thing for me: scrubbing the spots in the back that were hard for me to reach, washing my hair, and then make me sit between your legs while you combed through them.  

Now I take my baths alone.  

[mostlymarvelsstuff]

For the romantic dialogue prompt 11. “Don’t make me say it. I can’t say the words.” Nat is in love with reader but doesn’t want to say it because she doesn’t think reader will feel the same/she’s insecure and doesn’t think she deserves reader. Ofc reader loves Nat (who wouldn’t?) and they get together and live happily ever after. lots of hurt/comfort

Authors note: sorry its so late, but I hope you enjoy it!

Authors note 2.0: requests are still closed. I’m trying to clear my inbox before opening them again. Thank you for your patience 💖

Word count: 3251 Nat Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

 Natashas heart hammers in her chest as she runs down the compound's various hallways. The quinjet landed only minutes ago so she's racing to make it to the med bay where she knows the team, and therefore you will be.

   As she enters through the double doors the sound of Peter sniffling coupled with the crestfallen looks on Tony and Clints faces tell her all her worst fears are coming true, and she almost doesn’t want to face that. But she knows she has to. If not for herself, then for you. She can be strong for you.

   “How- how is she?” 

   Tony lowers his gaze, “Not good. She got hit really hard out there.”

   “We honestly didn’t think we’d get her back in time. She's very lucky.” Clint admits, looking at Nat in a way the billionaire had never seen before. If he had to describe it he’d say it  was a mix of stern disappointment yet hopeful encouragement. How a person can combine those looks is beyond him, but he's sure it's some sort of signal. A way for the two spies to communicate without words like they so often do.

   “Y/ns strong.” the redhead proclaims, trying to calm herself, “She’ll be ok.”

   Clint looks away from her then too and she can feel her stomach drop and her mouth go dry at his lack of agreement and comfort. She swallows harshly, desperate to keep her tears at bay. If she doesn't cry then she can act like this doesn’t affect her, like none of this is really happening. You aren’t in some operating room right now hanging on against the odds, fighting for your life. She's not head over heels in love with you, desperate to be yours and be by your side forever…But you are, and she is.

   She very much is, and right now she can’t help but feel like an absolute moron. Despite her fears and insecurities she should have risked it. Maybe then she would have had time with you. To hold you, to cherish and love you and get the same from you in return. But now…no, no she can’t think like that. You’ll be ok. You have to be, because if you're not, then she won’t be. 

   “I’m so sorry Miss Romanoff” Peter whimpers, and her head swivels to look at him, “I really messed up. Y/ns hurt because of me….I’m so so sorry”

   Natasha doesn’t know what happened out there, but she knows your affinity for the boy, how you became attached to him nearly the second Tony brought him in. So much so that your protectiveness for him rivals the fatherly instincts the billionaire himself has for the young hero. And she knows Peter, she's been training him, so she knows him better than he even thinks she does. He doesn’t always watch his six and he would never hurt a teammate on purpose, least of all you. This was an accident. Sometimes missions just went wrong, it wasn’t anyone's fault but the enemies and she knows you wouldn’t want Peter to be blaming himself for this.

    “Malen'kiy pauk(little spider), Y/n would do anything to keep you safe. Whatever happened was not your fault, because you've done nothing wrong.” 

   Faster than humanly possible Peter launches himself into her arms, and as his head comes to rest against her shoulder she finally lets her resolve crumble. Hot tears run down her cheeks faster than she ever thought imaginable, and she hopes Peter can't feel the sheer volume that's landing against his neck, though she knows he wouldn't say anything about it even if he did.

   “She's hurt really bad” Peter whimpers out through his sobs, “She might be dying”

   Natasha desperately shakes her head, “No. She'll pull through.”

   A few moments of silence pass before she's brave enough to speak again, “She…she’ll pull through. She has to. I- I need her to be ok.”

   Finally Clint comes over and wraps his arms around the two of them. He knows by the way Natasha trembles that she’s close to her absolute breaking point. And he's not sure that she’d be comfortable being that vulnerable in front of Tony and Peter, even if the genius absolutely knew about the not so secret pining. And of course the teen had his own suspicions. Nat was secretive when it came to emotions, and she had her reasons to be. So he’ll do what he can to help her keep some comfort.

   She clutches onto the archers shirt as if it were her lifeline, and he tentatively squeezes her shoulder to prove he's there for her. He’ll be her rock whenever she needs him to be, it's been this way since she opened up to him all those years ago and he’ll happily let it stay that way until the very end. He considers it an honor that she trusts him enough to let him see this perceived weaker version of herself.

    “Tell me she'll pull through Clint, please.”  

   He sighs, the answer won’t be what she wants to hear and it will break her further, but he owes the truth to her. He can’t give her false hope. She needs to be prepared. “I wish I could Nat, truly. But she really was in a really bad state when we got her here. If Tony hadn’t flown her here from the quinjet I don’t know if she would have been breathing”

   Sure enough a sob escapes her, and her trembling only worsens as Peter all but collapses against her. Clint holds them up to the best of his ability while sparing an urgent glance in Tony's direction. The older man quickly makes his way over to the three and gently loops his arms under Peters.

   “C'mon kid. I got ya. Let's get you sitting down, alright?” 

   Peter only manages to nod as Tony walks away with him, leading him back to where he’d first been sat. Natasha allows Clint to fully envelope her in his embrace then, and she finds the guilt of all the possibilities that could have been between the two of you is crashing down on her shoulders with the weight of cinder blocks.

   “I never told her” she whispers into his chest, and he doesn’t ask for clarification because he knows all too well what she means. He'd been trying to convince her to admit her feelings for years now, “I need more time…I just wasn’t ready, but I should have pushed myself. I should have found a way to make her understand even if I can’t say the words.”

   He pulls back from her, places his hands on both her shoulders and looks her dead in the eyes, “Then Natasha, if she makes it through this, that's exactly what you do, ok? You march in there and you do whatever you have to to get your chance.”

   Her lower lip quivers, “B- but what do I do if she doesn’t? What if…what if I never get my chance because I was a coward?”

   “Oh honey” he coos, pulling her back into a hug, “You were scared. Scared to be loved and to be vulnerable. Scared Y/n wouldn't feel the same. Scared that you wouldn’t know what to do. Scared you didn’t deserve her. And all these are normal feelings somebody has in this kinda situation. Unfortunately the circumstances of your past made those fears even worse for you, that doesn’t make you a coward.”

   She looks at him, tears streaming down her reddened face with her lower lip trembling. His heart sinks in his chest seeing her like this. So open and with her feelings, so scared to lose you. He gently wipes her cheeks with his calloused thumbs, “You're the strongest and bravest person I know Nat.”

   “I second that statement” Tony speaks up from next to the teen, “And I’m lab partners with the Hulk so i know a thing or two about strength.”

   His reply gets a small twitch of her lip and roll of her eyes in response, and he knows that with the way she feels right now that those actions were worth more than a Hollywood actor's showstopping grin. And the fact that he was able to gain that response makes him beam with pride. He cheered her up, if only just a tiny smidge, but he’d gladly take it.

   Before anything else can be said by anyone the med bays main doors open, and a doctor steps through. Natashas attention is on him at once, and she quickly approaches, “Is Y/n- er, Agent Y/l/n alright?”

   “We’ve got her stable now. It was touch and go there for a bit. Her heart stopped on us once but- ”  That's all she registers beforese zones out of the conversation. The same words playing on repeat are all she can focus on.  Her heart stopped. 

   You had died. If anything had happened to slow the quinjet down and keep it from bringing you in then the doctors wouldn't have been there to revive you, and instead of worrying in the med bay she would have been mourning your loss at the landing platform. And that fact terrifies her.

   She isn’t even aware that she zoned out for as long as she had until Tony's hand grasps her shoulder, “Nat?”

  “W- what?” she stutters, blinking her previous thoughts away while looking around, “I’m sorry”

   The doctor nods in understanding, “It’s alright. Agent Y/l/n was successfully resuscitated and though she's currently stable she's still in critical condition. She's still sedated, so that coupled with her original trauma will most likely keep her unconscious for at least the rest of today and potentially into tomorrow.”

   “But she’ll be ok, right?” she asks, needing to hear something hopeful

   “I'm afraid it’s still too early to tell. For now all we can do is wait and see if she makes it through the night. But if she wakes we can properly assess her.”

  The Russian can feel her chest tighten, “If…if she wakes? I don’t understand?”

   “She acquired a lot of head trauma. Alone that trauma is enough to potentially keep her comatose, but when you add in the use of anesthesia that risk becomes even higher.” he explains, “Now normally we wouldn’t have used any, but with her multiple stab wounds we were left with no other options.” 

   Her lower lip trembles as she swallows the lump in her throat, “Can I see her? Please?”

  He nods, “Follow me”

   When she arrives in your room a feeling of nausea fills her. The room is dull, with its lights dimmed and blinds closed but she can still see you clearly. Your skin is paler than normal, lacking its usual glow and she can already see the swelling and bruising settling in on your face, arms and collarbone. The steady beating of the heart monitor is the only noise that fills the small room, and while normally such a noise would put her on edge she finds it calms her this time, because it tells her that you're still here. You're alive.

   Tears roll down her cheeks as her hand makes its way to yours, “Y/n, I...I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here. I’m right here dorogoy(sweetheart), so please don’t go anywhere.”

   As the hours pass by she continues to sit with you, she's too afraid to leave your side or let you out of her sight. She worries that if she allows either of those things, then the worst will happen to you. Which rationally she knows is ridiculous, her presence and vigilante watch wouldn’t be enough to stop death from taking you if that's truly what was in store for you. But still, being here with you gives her some small comfort and right now she needs all the comfort she can get. 

   At some point she had fallen asleep, it had been rather restless as she didn’t want to risk sleeping through anything that may occur, so she forced herself to stay out of her REM cycle. So what little rest she did manage couldn’t even be classified as such really, but it did end up working the way she intended it to. 

   The faint beeping that she'd become accustomed to suddenly picks up in speed slightly, and her eyes immediately shoot open. She quickly scans the machine to make sure it wasn't malfunctioning and once satisfied they move to you. Nothing appears different, at least not in a bad way. Your skin seems to have gained back a bit more of its natural color and though this relieves her she's still uncertain about your heart rate. Before she can worry any more, a nurse enters.

   “What's going on? Is she ok?”

   The nurse smiles kindly at her while checking your chart, “She's doing just fine Agent Romanoff, the slight increase in heart rate is a good thing. It means she's trying to wake up”

   Natasha can’t hide the excitement that takes over her features, and she grabs your hand once more, “Pozhaluysta, vernis' ko mne. Ty mne nuzhen zdes'(Please come back to me. I need you here.)”

   As if hearing, and understanding, her whispered words, your eyelids begin to flutter and though the room is nearly completely dark you still groan at the way the light affects your sensitive eyes. Sensitive or not though there's no mistaking that bright red hair, or who it belongs to. Even if her form is a bit blurry.

   “Uggh…Nat?” you rasp out, and she immediately moves closer

   “I’m right here” she responds, hoping you don’t notice the tears rolling down her cheeks, “How are you feeling?”

   “Like shit”  

   Your honest reply pulls a laugh from her and she gently squeezes your hand as the nurse walks over to your other side to begin checking you over. Once she's done with her various tests and writing notes in her chart she leaves the room, leaving you alone with the Russian you've come to love. Your eyes glance at your hand to see that your suspicions are correct, the weight you feel in your hand is indeed her own. You gently squeeze it before allowing your gaze to meet hers.

   “You've been crying” you state, allowing your free hand to brush against her reddened cheek. The way she nuzzles her face into your palm takes you by surprise, but you allow to seek comfort this way and cup her cheek. You watch in awe as her whole body relaxes at this embrace

   “I thought…I thought I was going to lose you” she admits in a whisper and her lower lip trembles as she closes her eyes. Despite this another tear slips down her face, but you quickly brush it away. A small whimper leaves her at this gesture, and she leans further into your hand

   And that's when things start to click. Sure, you've had your suspicions that the Russian spy had feelings for you, but she's so closed off to emotions that it's hard to get an accurate read on her. If you were reading too much into her friendship and just projecting your own feelings you didn’t want to make things awkward by confessing your love for her, so you stayed quiet. Those suspicions never quite went away though. And now yearn to know if there's any validation to your thoughts.

   “Nat, I- ” you start to talk but she cuts you off with a shake of her head

   “No Y/n, you don’t understand. When you got here, your heart stopped. You….you died” she trembles slightly, “And you never would have known…”

   You look at her softly, the weight of what she said sinking in. You knew the dangers of this job when you took it, still you're glad to be alive and you can’t help but feel guilty for what Natasha has gone through since you decided to throw caution to the wind and blow your own cover in a means to get attention away from a stuttering and fumbling Peter that had just raised suspicion by admitting to be a Stark Industries intern. 

   “What wouldn’t I have known?”

   She thought that by now, after everything she'd be able to get those three words out, but when she tries her throat goes impossibly dry and her mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. 

   “I-  I…” she huffs, “Don’t make me say it. I can’t say the words.”

  You smile at her sympathetically, “How about you show me then? Think you can do that?”

   She eagerly nods her head, desperate to prove to you how much she cares. She moves even closer and you remove your hand from her face to give her full freedom of movement. She removes her hand from yours and gently cups your face. Her thumb brushes over a small bruise while her other hand tucks a stray hair behind your ear, and her eyes swim with a multitude of emotions as they take in your appearance close up. She takes one last deep breath and surges forward, allowing her lips to meet yours.

   It's sloppy, full of desperation and tears, but it's also full of other things too. Regret, fear, and most importantly, love. She finds she needs air far too quickly for her liking so she relents in breaking the kiss. She doesn't move away though, instead she rests her forehead against yours and lets her nose bump yours too. You melt against her, grateful for her open show of affection, her way of saying she loves you without having to actually say it. That will come when she's ready, and you won’t push.

   “I love you too Natasha”

   She gives you a wide watery smile, gratefully that you not only understood her gesture but that you felt the same way she does. She carefully and quickly crawls into the bed next to you and gently wraps an arm around you as she buries her face against your neck.

   “I was so scared” she admits as your own arm wraps around her waist

   “I can imagine. But I’m ok, Natty. I’m here and I’ve got you.”

   She sniffles, “You promise?”

   You tighten your hold on her and plant a kiss to the top of her head, “I promise”

   She nods against you but you can tell she's still not fully at ease. To help calm her fears you take the hand that's around your waist and place it on your chest. She can feel each strong beat of the muscle under your sternum and it's only then that she relaxes against you.

   “You're ok” she says, more to herself than you

   “Mhm, I’m ok” you reply, “Great actually, now that I have you”

   She moves her face away from your neck to look at you with a softness you've never seen before but know is only reserved only for you, “You mean that?”

   “Of course I do. This is all I’ve ever wanted, you're all I ever wanted.” She smiles widely before settling against you once more, kissing your collarbone affectionately and you somehow know what that means, “Love you too Natty, love you too.”

   By the time Clint comes to check in he finds you both fast asleep, intertwined with each other in the small hospital bed, and he happily smiles because you were ok, and now all was as it should be. 

Taglist:@wandaromamoff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfox @when-wolves-howl @danveration @naomi-m3ndez @sheneonromanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaming @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @readings-stuff @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @xchaiix @iaminluvwithnat @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories @imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastormm  @zoomdeathknight @rayeofmoonlight

[domiforpresident]

Selfish lover

Riri willams x fem!black reader

Word count: 1.5k

Contains: cheating, crying, fluff

Dividers creds: @firefly-graphics

Summary: Riri’s heart is torn between you and shuri. She thinks that her love is shared equally which makes it ok, but you have had enough of being kept in the dark.

A/n: to the annon that requested this I love you sm because this was so fun to write

This is gonna be a 2/3 part fic so look forward to a part 2 very soon!!

Y/n’s POV:

Riri had been gone for a few weeks. Working on a project with Shuri in Wakanda. To your knowledge it was strictly business, Or at least that was the lie she told you. Her true intentions were to visit her girlfriend shuri. She didn’t mean to fall in love with her but she did. All whilst still loving you. For a while she was stuck. Confused on what to do with her new found feelings for the queen. Riri didn’t have the heart to tell you. She couldn’t bear the burden of breaking your heart. So instead she decided she would take on both of you as lovers. In her own sick and twisted mind giving both of you equal attention was justification for what she was doing.

You got suspicious at times when she would come home extra late. Not revealing where she came from. It was always “it’s top secret iron heart stuff, I would tell you if I could.” That excuse never really puts your doubts to rest. But you hated when your mind pondered the worst. So it would have to suffice.

There were other times where she would come home with scents lingering on her. Ones not familiar to your nose. Her excuse was “that’s a new cologne I’m trying my love”. Once again you would choose to believe her, just to put your uncertainty at bay.

Today Riri was coming home. Later than what she promised. This wasn’t out of the ordinary, but You became worried sick when the clock struck 12:00pm. Riri was well past being late. The silence in your room was uncomfortably loud, booming through your ears like a stereo. Your heavy breathing being the only thing that slightly drowned out this insufferable sound. Your cheeks were drowned in your tears. You kept rubbing them away hoping that they would stop. Though truthfully, you knew this wasn’t going to happen until your girlfriend came home.

*DING*

You flipped your phone up off your covers. Hoping that it was Riri. But to your dismay, she still hadn’t responded to your 30 missed calls. That’s when the thoughts of genuine fear started to kick in. What if a mission of hers had gone wrong, or worse? You decided to call Riri one more time. Still No response. Your heart was starting to collapse in your chest. Where was she at?

Riri’s pov:

Riri watched shuri intensely. The queens exposed biceps flexed with every bag she picked up. Riri always over-packed just so she could gawk at Shuri while she carried her bags to and from the ship. Shuri could’ve easily Gotten the dora milaje to complete this task. That is if she didn’t secretly love seeing Riri swoon over her.

“Are you going to keep staring at me or are you gonna answer my question?” Shuri chuckled.

Riri was so caught up in her own endeavors that she hadn’t realized Shuri was done gathering her things.

“I’m sorry Shuri, it’s just so hard to pay attention when my girlfriend looks this good” Riri responded. Eyes studying every part of Shuris body, stopping at her face.

Shuri took one large step closer to Riri. So now the front of their bodies would be pressed up against each other. Shuri tilted her head, a smirk adorning her face. “If you keep talking like that you won’t be going anywhere for a few more hours.”

Riri so badly wanted to give in to her wants. She so badly wanted to pounce onto Shuri right then and there. You would be ok right? It would only be a few more hours. Riri's mind started to slip to all the sinful things Shuri would do to her, and her to Shuri. But no, this wasn’t right. You would start to get suspicious and that could lead to Riri getting caught. Which she had never planned to happen. If Riri was lucky she could and would keep this up for years.

“I can’t Shuri, I would if I could” Riri sighed.

“You’re already late anyway, why not just stay one more day?” Shuri pouted, wrapping her arms around Riris waist.

“You know I got things to handle back home Shuri, I’ll miss you though” Riri pecked Shuri On the lips.

Shuri Leaned in to deepen the kiss “you don’t have to miss me when I’m right here Sthandwa sami.”

Their lips worked skillfully together, tongues intertwining. Riri wanted, no needed to stay like this forever. Her lips on Shuris was a match made in heaven. As Riri felt shuris hands creep up to her neck she knew to pull away. Or else she wouldn’t be able to escape Shuris embrace.

“Bye Shuri, I love you.” Riri waved as she stepped onto the ship.

“I love you too. Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Shuri asked eagerly.

“I’m sure, love.”

….

After an hour of flying on the ship Riri caught a glimpse of the Chicago city lights. Quickly realizing she was home. Riri loved just sitting back and admiring How beautiful and familiar they felt. The nightlife in Chicago reminded her of home. They were her peace, and so were you.

You had always been Riris sense of peace and security. You were the only person she opened up to about Losing her dad and best friend. All the nights you held Riri while she cried were sealed in her mind. She couldn’t imagine being that vulnerable with anyone else. Not even shuri. You were the only person who knew how to nurture all her wounds that burned so deep for many years. When she was with you it seemed like she was immediately healed.

“We’ve reached your destination Riri” one of the dora milaje called out from the front of the ship.

This snapped Riri out of her thoughts. The ship door opened and she stepped out on the street. Her bags In hand. Riri inhaled deeply, drinking in the air she missed so much. To say Riri was Home Sick would be an understatement.

Y/n’s POV:

Abruptly you heard a knock at the door. Your head jolted up, wiping away the tears that slid down your face.

“Ma it’s me open up” Riri called out.

You ran to the door and looked through the peephole. Making sure that your ears didn’t deceive you. When you saw her a soft smile formed on your face. Thank god she was ok. Now that you knew she was well and alive. Your irritation started to kick in. Why couldn’t Riri text you and let you know she would be getting home late?

You moved your body back to open the door and let her in. She was dressed in a white tee and black sweatpants, Her curls out. She looked good but what was new. In her hands she carried pink carnations. Of course she would bring you your favorite flowers to make up for her absence.

“Flowers aren’t always gonna cut it, Riri.” You scoffed out at her.

“Damn I can’t get a hi? And since when am I Riri?” She said setting your flowers down on the table in your dorm room.

“Since you started ignoring my phone calls Riri.” You said with a look of irritation, Turning to fully face the smaller girl.

Once Riri saw your puffy bloodshot eyes, she rushed over to you. Placing her hand on your cheek. Wiping at the few tears that still sat on your face.

“Were you crying my love?” Riri asked with sincere concern coating her voice.

“Why would you care? You can’t even pick up the phone when I call you.” You looked off into the corner of your room. Not wanting to face her, and those big brown eyes. Those alone were enough to make you crack.

Riri turned your head back towards her. “I’m so sorry for however I made you feel, baby. I was working on a project and I couldn’t reach my phone. But that’s not an excuse.”

“Mhm it isn’t.” You responded.

She stretched out her neck to kiss you on the lips lightly. You leaned into her embrace.

“And I won’t ever do that to you again, Ok?” She said Still placing kisses on your lips. You gripped the back of her neck. Making the kiss deeper. How could you stay mad at her? Those soft brown lips were irresistible regardless of how upset you were.

“Does that mean we good now?”

You rolled your eyes “Oh shut up and come cuddle me to sleep.”

she tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows Playfully “Don’t get too bold ma” she said, a grin on her face.

Riri listened though and the two of you fell asleep in one another's grasp. Your head was placed on her chest. The sound of her heart beating was a personally made lullaby for you. Making you sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run .07

Yandere!Eustass Kid x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, reader having vivid nightmares, reader having a crisis, Kid being the insane fuck he is, Tashigi and G-5 being real ones, little happy moments???

A/N: I will defend all of G-5 will my DYING breath. Only Marines that I don't hate

music playlist

tags: @rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @sydneyyyya

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

~~~

You pace back and forth in the infirmary. The sound of your shoes hitting the floor was nothing compared to your speeding heartbeat. Nothing like this happened at all when you were with Kid. So why now that you’ve escaped, has it shown up? Why did this have to happen?

Biting your knuckles, you try to ignore the agonizing feeling in your gut. The universe obviously wasn’t done screwing with you if what you feared was true. Not to mention how it’d affect everything good going on in your life.

“Take a deep breath and sit down, okay? Stressing isn’t gonna help.”

“How can I not stress?! What if it’s exactly what we think it is? What if I really am…”

“Pregnant?” Tashigi’s voice cuts into your skin as soon as the word leaves her throat. It felt like a fresh stab to your heart. Hearing the word out loud only made the fear all the more real and strong.

“I can’t even hear the word without being nauseous.” Taking a seat next to Tashigi on the infirmary bed, you put your head in your hands.

“What am I supposed to do? I still have four months to get to Sabaody. Not to mention, I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my promise to you and Vice Admiral Smoker! A pirate on a Marine ship was pushing it, but a pregnant pirate on a Marine ship? He’ll probably dump me somewhere since I won’t be able to fight alongside you guys like I promised…” Tears start threatening to spill from your eyes as all the worst-case scenarios start playing through your head. 

“Vice Admiral Smoker would never! Sure, he’s a little rough around the edge, but he’d never kick you off for something that you can’t control.” Soft tears slip from your cheeks as you listen to her words.

“Do you think the Straw Hats will take me back? I know you're a Marine, so your answer might be biased, but…”

“If they don’t, you can come back to G-5 and join the Marines!” You giggle slightly.

“If push comes to shove and they don’t take me back, you're gonna be stuck with me.” Tashigi smiles at you brightly, which makes you smile in return.

Yet there was still one cripiling fear that resurfaced and continues to resurface no matter how hard you try to forget it.

You remembered what Kid said when you told him that the Straw Hats would save you. The rage in his eyes, when those words slipped from your lips, made you fear for any future you might have that didn’t involve Kid. If he made a statement about the Straw Hats without a second thought, would he do the same to G-5? He’s violent in general, but you can’t imagine how violent everything would get if he got his hands on the people who helped you hide from him.

“What should I do though? What if I really am pregnant?” Tashigi was quiet as she thought about how to answer.

“Would it look like him? Have his facial features or hair? Could it look like me?”

“I don’t know. Only time will tell if or when the baby arrives.” You lay your head on her shoulder as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“We’re stopping at an island tomorrow to gather supplies. We could go to the hospital there to see what the fully certified doctors have to say.”

“What about the bounty on me from Kid?”

“We can disguise you? I’m sure we can try to hide as many identifiers as possible.”

“I guess. Let’s hope that it works.”

~~~

Sitting still, you let Tashigi mess with your appearance. The two of you have been in her cabin for what felt like forever just to disguise you. She had you put on one of her long-sleeved shirts under your Marine uniform to hide the scars along your arms.  

“What if we put a small part of your hair in front of your eye/scar to hide it? It’ll look a little weird, but it’d be less eye-catching than a bandage.”

“Alright, sounds good.” The two of you stand up and begin to make your way to the ship’s deck.

It was a beautiful day outside when you left her cabin. The sun shined down and watched you walk beside Tashigi as you passed the rest of G-5, who were getting ready to grab supplies. Your legs feel weak as you struggle to walk down the ramp. The sound of bustling passerby’s and the talking of the crew from behind you only makes your nervousness worse. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety swallowed you whole as you finally stepped foot off the dock and onto the green grass. Hearing your shoes glide against the grass for the first time since Sabaody made a small upturn of your lip. A tiny ray of happiness in the dark of your anxiety and fear. 

“Look mom! It’s the Marines!” Looking to your right, you see a small boy and his mother. He tugged on his mom's arm to try and bring her closer to you and Tashigi. The boy held such a cute smile as he ran up to you.

“I wanna become a Marine! I can fight and kick pirate's butt!” His eyes held such a bright light that it was impossible not to be as smiley as him. Crouching down slightly, you watch as the little boy rolls on his heels.

“Is that so? Are you sure you got what it takes, little man? Are you brave enough to also fight the weather?”

“I’m brave! I’m not afraid of anything! The weather is nothing!” The little boy’s excitement made your heart skip a few beats. For a living being so small, he has so much happiness and life inside him.

“Tell ya what, come back in a few years, and we’ll be happy to have you join.”

“Why not now?” A cute pout played against the boy's face.

“To get stronger, of course! Plus, wouldn’t you miss your mommy if we let you come with us?” the boy turns around to see his mom smiling at him. He ran to her and wrapped himself around her. He said something, but it was muffled by his mother's clothes.

“Thank you for giving him a second of your time. I bet you guys are busy, so we should be off. Do you wanna say goodbye to the Marines, baby?” Lifting his face from his mother's clothes, he waves to you and Tashigi with the cutest smile.

“Byyee...” You both walk in different directions after waving back, the sound of the giddy child ringing in your ears.

“Said like a true Marine.”

“Best pirate Marine the world has ever seen.” You whisper rhyme, and it only makes Tashigi laugh.

“I think you’ll be okay (Y/N).” She whispered back, making you turn to look at her.

“Huh?”

“I think you’ll be okay. You seem good with children. Your caring personality really shows.”

“OH! Well, that's only one child! Plus, I might not actually be pregnant! The universe might have just wanted to scare me…” Laughing awkwardly, you think about what the doctor and their tests would say.

While making your way to the hospital, it seemed like you passed by every child on the island. Kids from 13 all the way to infants. All of them with happy parents giving them the love they deserve. The joyful giggles made a small smile crack along your lips. 

Yet, it soon disappeared as you unconsciously put your hand to your stomach. All those children with happy lives with healthy caring parents. If you really were pregnant, the child’s life would be nothing like the ones living on this island. It’d be constantly on the run along side you. That can’t be healthy for a baby right?

“Looks like we’re here.” The big sign saying ‘HOSPITAL’ made you swallow the lump in your throat as you walked through the front doors right beside Tashigi.

It seemed like everyone and their grandma was here today. Almost the entire waiting room was full. You get in line behind a man and wait for your turn as Tashigi goes and sits down. Once it got to your turn though, you feel your hands start to sweat.

“Hi, welcome to Halyard Island Hospital. What can I do for you today, Marine?”

“Oh, um, think I might be pregnant, but I want a doctor to check it out before I jump to any conclusions.” The receptionist started typing before she asked for your birthday and name. You start to internally freak out before remembering that you don’t have any records on yourself. Why not just give her a fake name and date of birth?

“(....) (......) is my name and my birth date is (.........).”

“Alright, you're good to go. Have a seat, and the doctor will be with you as soon as possible.” Giving a small nod, you go sit next to Tashigi, who has started to read a magazine.

“What are you reading?”

“Judging the ugly fashion choices.” You let out a snort, hearing her words.

“Didn’t know I was in the presence of a fashion designer. Mind if I judge with you to learn your skills?” 

“I’m feeling generous, so I guess I can take in an apprentice.” The two of you laugh as you look down at the magazine. It was refreshing to have a small burst of silliness instead of fear and panic.

It felt like twenty minutes before your ‘name’ was called. Your heart beats against your ribs as you and Tashigi follow the doctor. The world seemed to spin as you walked along the halls. The familiar nausea you’ve been having coming back.

‘My luck is nonexistent.’ Holding the wall, you try to walk normally. Thankfully, Tashigi notices and helps you walk to the room. Once entering the room, you sit on the paper-covered bed as Tashigi sits on the chair next to it.

“So it says you think you're pregnant but want a doctor to confirm it?”

“Yes.” Sitting down at the computer, the doctor starts to give you a check-up.

“When’s the last time you had intercourse?” You can feel your face burn, and Tashigi lets out a snort. 

“Two or three months ago? I believe?”

“Did you have your cycle during that?”

“Mine can be irregular, so I thought nothing of it at first, but it’s been a week since it should have started, and nothing has happened.”

“Okay. Any symptoms? Nausea, fatigue, frequent trips to the bathroom, weird food cravings, body ache, anything like that?” Listing them out, the doctor said them in the most calming way. She’s probably dealt with people like you, coming and going all the time.

“All of the above, except for the food cravings.”

“Yet.”

“Yet.” You snap your head to Tashigi, who’s smiling at you while holding back a giggle as she tries to make you laugh. Even the doctor let out a quiet laugh.

“Well, we have tests that we can use cause while it sounds like you could be pregnant, it’s better to be sure.”

“What kind of tests?”

“Blood and urine. The urine one is usually more correct and takes less time.”

“Alright. That one, then.”

~~~

The doctor had left to bring the sample to the lab, leaving you and Tashigi alone again. You lay against the bed and stare at the ceiling.

“What should I do if it’s positive? The sea is no place for a child to grow. Especially the New World.”

“You have months to think about it if you are. Don’t overwhelm yourself, and think about it all right now.” Tashigi was probably right, but it still scratched away at your mind.

“Do you want to be pregnant?”

“No. If it was another man’s baby, then maybe. But we both know whose child it’d be if I am.” Tashigi stays silent and lets you talk.

“A child deserves a happy home. With loving parents. Not someone like me. I already have so much shit to deal with from what happened, and adding a child to the mix wouldn’t be fair to them. Having a mother who has problems all the way to the ozone layer.” Just as Tashigi goes to speak, a knocking interrupts her.

“The test results came back.” The doctor's voice had you holding your breath as your heart jumped in suspense.

“And?” Sitting on the edge of your seat, you both look at the doctor.

“It’s positive! Congratulations! Your gonna be a mother!” You knew the doctor didn’t know your story, so you're not mad at her happy news delivery. Instead of what felt like a punch to the chest, was an overload of feelings. To many to name, so all you can do is let the tears start pouring harshly.

Your sobs didn’t shock the doctor, so you thought she must have concluded that you were crying tears of joy. Which they definitely weren’t. Each tear felt like battery acid sliding down your skin. This was supposed to be a happy moment. This was supposed to be a moment shared with your fiance. You were supposed to be crying tears of joy next to them, happy that you can finally have a family with the person you love.

But once again, this was just another moment in your life ruined by the man who took everything from you. Even when you were away from him, he always somehow had a way to remind you that you're never free of him. No matter where you go, he’ll always be next to you. In your mind or in person was for the universe to decide. And now, it decided that it wasn’t done with you just yet.

~~~

Walking out of the hospital, you're silent as you walk next to Tashigi. The doctor had given you a bag of things to help you on your ‘journey.’ Little things like booklets on what to expect, recommended medical items safe for mother and child, things to watch out for, and more. Didn’t help she gave you a bag with a pacifier on it. 

“You okay? You’ve been quiet since we left.”

“Just wondering what the fuck I’m gonna do. Not to mention when Vice Admiral Smoker finds out-”

“There's no need to worry. Everything will be okay.” Before you can respond, countless footsteps come running toward you. Looking up, you see some of G-5 rushing their way to the both of you. It caused a gust of wind to come rushing through and slightly move the hair covering your facial scar. Leaving it visible to the world.

“Shit.” You quickly try to cover it up and act normal, hoping no one saw you in your split second of weakness.

“Marines! What’s going on?”

“Pirates were seen sailing up to the docks! The others and Vice Admiral Smoker are there as we speak!”

“Alright, let’s go take them down! Contact the others and tell them we’ll be there as fast as we can!”

“Right away-” The Marines stop their words as their eyes train in on the bag in your hand. You can see the gears turning in their heads before it finally clicks. They all gasp and point to the bag like children.

“Stop pointing! We’ll talk about that when we leave the island! Contact Smoker!”

“Uh, right! Yes, Captain!” Everyone, including you, started running towards the docks to back up the Vice Admiral.

~~~

You don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve been staring at yourself in the mirror, but it was enough time for you to grip the edge of the bathroom sink and try to calm your breathing. 

It was difficult to look at yourself in the mirror. The person staring back at you wasn’t someone you recognized. The scar that covered your face laughed at you endlessly, as well as the ones on your arm that were currently visible while in your uniform.

You try to imagine yourself before the raid. Before the Straw Hats, before the scars, and before Kid. Would past you even know who you are? Would your fiance still love you if they saw you like this and were still alive? Still love you and all the mental, physical, and emotional damage you’ve received? And even after knowingly carrying another person's child despite it being out of your control?

Would anyone love you?

Who would want a broken doll when they can just buy a new one? Without all the cracks and damage it’s received along its journey? Not to mention, who’d want a doll with an ‘owner’ willing to kill anyone who touches what’s his?

People would be afraid to even get close to you, let alone love you. What sane person would dare love something that could get them killed? Why love something that can’t go one day without crying or trembling when a certain thing is said or done? Why love someone who carries the child of the devil himself?

The sound of tears hitting the sink brought you back to the present. Your breathing was ragged as you tried to calm yourself down so no one would hear your sobs. Biting your lip, you look at your teary face in the mirror. Your hands shake as your knuckles turn white from how hard you were gripping the sink. But even through your blurry vision, your eye caught sight of the bag on the counter that the doctor had given you earlier that day.

“This shouldn’t be how you come into the world. You should be able to grow up carefree with a stable parent. Not me, who can’t even go one night without waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares. A child shouldn’t have to move from place to place just to make sure his crazy father won’t kidnap him and his mom. I’m so sorry that I’m going to be the one you call mother. Please forgive me…” Quiet hiccups and sobs bounce off the walls and can be heard from outside the bathroom door. Even trying your best to be silent, your woeful cries caught the attention of your comrades.

“Man, this is kinda painful to hear. She’s being really hard on herself.”

“Never thought I’d feel bad for a pirate yet here i am.”

“What will those Straw Hats think?” Hushed whispers were exchanged among the Marines before all went silent as soon as a shadow of a man loomed over them.

KNOCK KNOCK

Wiping your tears and shoving down yoru emotions, you grab your bag before opening the door.

“Sorry for being so long I-”

“Is it true, rookie?” Vice Admiral Smoker’s voice made your stomach drop. Did Tashigi tell him? Or at least tried to?

“Vice Admiral Smoker! I didn’t know you’d-”

“Is it true?” You looked up at him, and all you could do was nod as you tried to hold back the rest of the emotions you shoved away moments ago. But it didn’t matter. He could see your trembling lips and glassy eyes.

“So Tashigi was right.”

“I’m so sorry, Vice Admiral! I promise I’ll still do everything you want! Please don’t kick me off the ship! I’ll still fight in battles, anything you want I’ll still do!” Your begging only caused pity to fill Smokers body. Watching you beg for a simply a place of refuge confirmed that you were indeed pregnant. Normally, he’d never let a pregnant woman on his ship. A pregnant pirate nonetheless, but were you even a pirate? That ‘bounty’ ad wasn’t a government issued one, the whole world thinks almost everyone died on your island, including you. They basically have no record of your existence except the ad that Kid had put up for you. And based on what he’s observed, you seemed perfectly contempt when you lived as a civilian before everything went down. You simply feel like you owe your life to the Straw Hats. It’d probably be the same way if it was the Marines that saved you the first time. But they wouldn’t have let you get kidnapped again, but there was nothing that could change the past.

“I’m not gonna kick you off. You're not going out fighting pirates, but everything else will stay the same. Not going easy on you just cause you're pregnant.” He could see the relief fill your eyes at his words.

“Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you!”

“Now quit your crying and go to the dining hall. Foods done.” Sniffling a bit, you smile as you make your way to the dining hall. While it didn’t soothe all your worries, knowing you’d be safe here and Smoker would let you stay helped soothe those knawing thoughts.

~~~

The day was going great so far, no bad weater in sight, clear skies and the breakfast for the day was your favorite! You did have to tell everyone the news about your pregnancy and while it was hard, they all seemed very supportive. No one treated you differently after hearing the news which you greatly appreciated. The last thing you wanted to be reminded of was being pregnant. It’s easier for everyone in the world if it only stayed between you and G-5.

“Uh (Y/N)? Have you seen today's paper?” Another Marine came up to you with the paper in hand.

“No? Is something wrong? Did Kid up the bounty again?” 

“Not exactly…” Handing you the paper, you open it with a questioning look. But as soon as your eyes scan the front page, they blow wide open.

“What?!”

~~~~

“Kid! Open the door!” The first mate of the Kid pirates banged on the metal door of his Captain's workshop. When the paper bird had delivered the daily paper, he expected the paper to be as bland as it has been the past few months. Same old, same old. That was until he looked at the front page of the paper. Instead of the bounty ad, there was a picture. A fresh picture of you.

‘Eustass Kid’s Darling, (L/N) (Y/N), Spotted on Halyard Island?’

He didn’t even read the article that accompanied it before making a dash to his friends workshop. This was finally a clue as to where you might be. Finally something to get Kid to shut the fuck up and prevent him from destroying more things in fits of rage.

“Fucking christ Killer! What do you want?!” As soon as the red-headed man opened the door, the newspaper was shoved into his chest.

“Look at the front page.” Scoffing, Kid uncrumples the paper, giving his friend a quick glare. But Killer could see the insane glee in his eyes when he read the front page.

‘The woman the entire New World has been looking for has finally been spotted! She was last seen leaving a hospital on Halyard Island disgused as a Marine! Unknown whether its a real Marine uniform or not. A gust of wind blew her hair away which hid her facial scar, making it visible for the world to see and identify her! Let’s not forget what she seems to have clutched tightly in her hand! Could this mean the cruelest pirate of the worst generation might be a father? Only time can tell.’

“Of course, it’s the fucking Marines who hid her! Always getting in my damn business. Killer! Set course to Halyard Island!”

“Already told Wire on my way here.”

“Good. Board and search any Marine ships we see on the way there. If the Marines are hiding her, then we can’t take chances and let them slip past us.”

“You do know what this means, right?”

“Yeah, I get what’s mine back.” Killer hit the back of Kid’s head.

“Ow! What the fuck?!”

“It means pull your head out of your ass! If it’s true, if (Y/N) is pregnant, that means you're going to be a dad. Any enemies other than the Marines will want to kidnap and hurt (Y/N) and your possible unborn child. We already knew the risks of putting out the ad. It's to let our enemies know that you have a weakness. But now she could be in even more danger when pregnant. We need to get her before she gives birth understand?” Rubbing the back of his head, Kid realized Killer was right. Your safety was in danger even more now that his enemies knew that you might be pregnant. Not to mention, what are the Marines gonna do with you and his child?

The thought of him being a father finally hit him a full force when he invisioned the moment he got his hands on you again. He’d get to see your belly grow with something the both of you created. The child would be the thing that keeps you with him forever.

~~~

“Do these journalists not have any souls?! Who would want to snitch on an escapee?! Truly heartless.” Tashigi rubbed your back as you cried into your hands. How could your luck grow so sour?

“I knew I shouldn’t have taken that dumb bag! Now the whole New World knows about this stupid fucking child!” Tashigi lets out a sigh. 

“I’m sorry. It’s no one’s fault this happened except the person who took the picture. Not yours or the unborn baby.” Wrapping your arms around your tummy, you sniffle. 

“I’m sorry. I just…This should be an experience I share with someone I love. I should be talking about baby things with joy and eating gross, a combination of random food, not fearing for my and the baby’s safety twenty-four-seven. I should be able to sleep without having nightmares about their father's eyes.” Tashigi stays quiet as she continues to try and soothe your troubled mind.

“What if they look alike? What if the baby’s a spitting image of him?” 

“You’ll be able to turn them into something Kid isn’t. Make them kind and loving. Have them be the person Kid can never be. It’ll be like starting a new. They aren’t just Kid’s child. They’ll also be yours.” Rubbing your eyes, you nod in agreement, trying to convince yourself that what she spoke was true.

“You're right. Thank you, Tashigi.”

~~~

Hours later and your still thinkning about Tashigi’s words. How the small thing growing inside you wasn’t just Kid’s, it was yours too. You had the power to make sure that the insanity ends with Kid. 

But even with her words, your heart and soul still burned in rage and sadness. Knowing that the child you thought you’d be raising happily with your fiance was in fact the offspring of satan himself. A product of lies and bloodied hands.

An eerie sense of lonliness surrounds you making yoru skin prickle and the tips of your fingers tingling. You run your hands along your upper arms to try and warm yourself, maybe to even stimulate a hug. Just something that could make you feel less alone.

Even though you have the G-5, you still felt like you were fighting alone. Why couldn’t you have just gone home and have your mom and dad still be alive? Waiting for you on the porch, your fiance running out from the house to pick you up and twirl you around. Kissing you repeatedly and crying out how much they loved and missed you.

Yet, even with all the crying, pleading, and denial, you know that you’ll never feel your fiance’s touch again. Never hearing your parents telling you how much they love you. You couldn’t even remember what they looked like or sounded like anymore. Cause all you see and hear is him.

Even in your day dreams he was there. Invading every part of your mind. You could be imaging how you used to dance with your fiance, only for kid to take his place. He’d grab you and hold you close while laughing. Forcing you to dance his macrabe seranade.

You could feel tears slide down your skin as you now realize its no longer your fiance’s touch that your body craves, it’s his. Those times where he’d envelop you in his coat while he held you. Times where his kisses were nothing but burns along your body.

Clenching your fists tight, you feel the feelings you tried so hard to destroy resurface. How can five months of amensia battle against two years of pure hatred? What did Kid magically do that made you fall in love with him? Why was there still that sliver in your heart that made you miss him? After all he’s done to you, why does your body still miss his touch? Why did your heartbeat quicken every time you remember how he gently ran his fingers through your hair when he was drunk and starting to pass out?

Curling up in a fetal position, you just silently cry yourself to sleep as you wished for the positive feelings for Kid would decay and disappear.

A low hum woke you open from your sleep as your eyes flutter open. The blur quickly leaving and you see a familiar room. A smile slips across your lips while you move your hand behind you. The feeling of silky hair touching your fingertips made you sigh as you softly started to run your fingers through it.

You just then notice the arms around you tighten and a kiss being placed on the crook of your neck.

“Morning, baby. Did you sleep well?” Groaning into your skin, you feel his words vibrate against your neck.

“Slept fine.” More kisses were pressed along your skin, which made your cheeks burn up.

“Dream about anything?”

“No.”

“Well, I dreamt about you.” Turning to look over your shoulder, you see amber eyes staring back at you. Red hair slightly brushing against your jaw.

“Better have been good.” You maneuver your body to the point you're facing him. Placing your hands on his face, you chuckle.

“I dreamt about kissing this pretty face of yours.” A red hue covered the man’s cheeks as he looked at you wide-eyed.

“Aw, Eustass ‘Captain’ Kid is blushing! You're so cute when you blush.”

“I’m not cute shut up.”

“No.” You started placing kisses on each freckle that adorned his face. The heat of his cheeks were hitting your lips as he lays there frozen. With each kiss, you couldn’t help but giggle. You wished you were wearing lipstick just so you could see his face covered in pretty (color) lipstick. When you pulled away, almost his entire face was as red as his hair.

“Sappy little shit.” Pushing your face to his chest, Kid lays his own on top of yours. Being surrounded by his presence only, you felt safe in his arms. You can feel him hug you a little tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere. No need to smush me.” Laughing, you kiss his chest, only for Kid’s arms to tighten around you even more. It started to hurt as you couldn’t move. His strong arms pressing harshly against your ribs. 

“Um Kid? Your squeezing kinda hard and it hurts. Do you think you can lighten up a bit?” Instead of loosening his grip, Kid only tightens his arms around you more. It felt like a python was constricting you. The pressure felt like it was gonna break your bones.

“Kid! You're really hurting me! Please stop!” Pushing and squirming, you desperately try to escape Kid’s killing grip.

“How dare you think you can fucking leave me? Do you think I won’t follow you! Find you? You can never fucking leave me!” With your heart dropping to your stomach, you try to pinpoint his behavior. What the hell is he talking about?

“What are you talking about?! I’m right here! I haven’t left!” Just then, a SNAP could be heard, and a brutal pain was felt in your chest. He must have broken a rib cause the pain was unbelievable.

“I’ll kill everyone who takes you away from me. Those worthless Straw Hats and those puny G-5 Marines. No one takes what’s fucking mine.” More pressure is applied to your body, and it feels as if more bones are quietly cracking. It was starting to feel like your ribs were stabbing your lungs, making it hard to breathe.

“What are you talking about?! Who are you talking about?!” Fear coursed through your veins as you looked up at Kid. Your eyes widened, seeing the pure madness that swirled inside his eyes. With as much strength as you can, you try to use your devil fruit powers to electrify him just in hopes of getting him off. There was a quiet crackling before a loud ZAP was heard, and you see Kid jump back and fall to the floor off the bed.

Without a seconds waste, you jump out of bed and run out of the bedroom. Yet the second you open and close the door, your blood freezes at the sight your met with. Fire, smoke and black silouttes staring right at you.

“(Y/N)!” You didn’t have time to question. You had to run now. With fear coursing through your veins and electric static slithering along your body, you ran past the silhouettes and into the fire and smoke.

The heat and smoke made it difficult to breathe but the broken rib hurt more yet here you were running as fast as you can. It caught you off guard when you started hearing voices coming from the silouttes. No, not voices, screams. High pitched screams started playing from each direction. Women’s, children’s, and men’s screams were all around you. Not even covering your ears stopped the loud horrific screaming. It sounded like they were in horrific pain and agony. Begging to be free from this etneral hell their suffering.

“Running can only get you so far (Y/N)!” Still covering your ears, you try to zone out his words. The broken rib causes excruciating pain as you run away faster. Who was this man chasing you? Where was your Kid? This couldn’t be him!

A baby crying has you uncovering your ears and your eyes widening. In these flickering flames and deblilitating smoke a baby was crying! You move to the sound of the crying baby, hoping it wasn’t hurt. Running through the flames, you look desperatly, trying to find it before the flames got to it. The flames were already licking at your uncovered skin so you couldn’t imagine what it’s doing to a baby’s sensitive skin.

Finally you see a bassonett right in the middle of a ring of fire. Small hands reaching out trying to grab anything. Running to the bassonett, you bend down and quickly to see the baby in it. But the moment you see the baby’s face, your blood goes cold.

There was no face.

Watching in shock and horror as the baby continued to cry out. It had no mouth how was it crying? Reaching out with a shaky hand you gently touch the baby’s chunky finger. It wrapped it’s little hand around your finger and you could hear it’s cry’s start to stop.

The heavy sound of Kid’s footsteps  quickly reminded you of your situation. Without another thought, you grab the bundled up baby and begin to run. The cries soon resumed as you run through the fire and smoke. The screams of the silouttes got louder with every step you took. You tried to cover the baby’s ears to protect it from the screaming. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, no need to cry, little one. We’ll be okay, alright? You’ll be okay.” Five fingers touched your scalp before the burning pain of your hair being pulled surged through your body. You were pulled back before falling on your butt. Opening your eyes, you try to see if the baby is okay, only to see it’s gone. Not in your arms, around you, and now its cries were gone. Like it never existed.

“Caught you, princess. Now let’s go.” Now it was your turn to scream as you tried to untangle his fingers from your hair.

“No! Let me go! Why are you acting like this?!” You feel Kid lift you to your feet, making you look up at him with watery eyes and a trembling bottom lip. He gives you a grin before responding.

“Oh, princess.” Moving his mouth to your ear, he whispers,

“I’ve always been like this.”

Your eyes blow open as you wake up in a cold sweat. Quickly sitting up, you move your head back and forth, preparing to see smoke and flames. Yet, to your delight, you were just met with the rest of the G-5 Marines, sleeping in their bunks peacefully. Placing your hand over your heart, you can feel your heart beat faster than ever.

With shaky breaths, you lay back down and stare at the ceiling. You’ve never had that nightmare before. Could it have to do with that you now know your pregnant you’ll start having more of those kinds of nightmares? Nightmares including a baby? Would the baby even have a face in the next dream? You didn’t know and didn’t want to know.

~~~

“I’ve never felt so much mischief fill my bones than right now.”

“It is pretty cool and funny.”

“Pretty funny and cool? It’s fucking awesome! I’ve got actual finger guns! Except they shoot electric shocks instead of bullets.” While training with Vice Admiral Smoker, you pretended to shoot a Marine who was passing by with your fingers, only for a shot of electricity to actually come shooting out of your fingers.

Smoker, you, and the Marine all stood there for a second to try and comprehend what happened before you started hyping yourself up for finding a new move you have. It has you counting how many moves you had and what names you should call them.

“Okay, so I have a move to cover my entire body with electricity. I’ve been able to make a ball of electricity when I focus hard enough and throw it. I got finger guns…and that’s it.” You thought you had more, but you just proved that you still have lots more to learn about your devil fruit capabilities. 

“Try making one of those electricity balls you were talking about.” Smoker's voice breaks through your inner thoughts.

“Of course! I’ve only done it once, so forgive me if it’s bad.” Taking a deep breath, you try to focus all your energy into your hands. If you did it once, you can do it again. Breathing in heavily, you feel the familiar tingling in your fingers.

Sizzling and snapping ring across the deck as you watch your hands do the same thing they did that night Heat told you, you had devil fruit powers. You can see your hands start to shake when the ball finally starts to materialize. Even with the ball being small as it is, it was difficult to make it stable. How did you do it so well the first time is unknown.

Just then, the ball exploded and the electricity shot out in all different directions. Thankfully no one got hurt but you immediately felt bad for putting other people in danger.

“Oh my god, is everyone okay!? I’m so sorry!” Smoker only crossed his arms.

“It’s fine. You might be able to make that a move, but it’s also dangerous to do around people. So practice that alone and do it when you're surrounded by enemies.” Nodding, you look down at your hands and see red burning lines along your skin. It must have been one of the downsides of your devil fruit. But the sound of a squawking paper bird has you looking up. The second you looked up, today’s paper came falling down before hitting you straight in the face.

“Ow! Damn bird!” Rubbing your nose, you grab the newspaper off the ground. Giving the bird the finger, you open the paper, and horror washes over you the moment you read the title.

‘Halyward Island Ransacked and Burned to Ashes by Kid Pirates!’

“What?! No way…” The picture that accompanied it was ruined buildings and smoke still fizzling from the ashes. Its monotone colors make the horror from the singular picture more gut-wrenching.

‘After recent news about Eustass Kid’s darling being spotted on Halyard Island, it seems the man himself decided to make an appearance to take back what’s his. But unfortunately, it seems his darling has already left the island! Some surviving islanders are mad that she came to the island while some don’t blame her. It’s a 50/50 split among the survivors. Will this be a one time thing or will any island be in danger if she’s spotted there?’

Lowering the newspaper, you look down at the ground with tears running down your eyes. You were completely silent as the tears slipped across your skin. Your hands shook as your horrified look tipped off Smoker and the Marine. It didn’t hit you that Smoker had taken the paper from your hands before you heard him cuss.

“What the fuck is this shit?! Ain’t no way they're blaming you for a pirate's insanity!” You see Smoker ripping apart the newspaper before throwing it overboard. He walked over to you with a stern look on his face.

“Listen here (Y/N), what happened on Halyard Island is not your fault. Journalists are all freaks who feed off the misery and suffering of others. Now tell me it isn’t your fault.” Letting out a few sniffles and shaky breaths, you repeat it back to him while wiping your tears.

“...it’s not my fault…”

“I didn’t hear you!”

“It’s not my fault.”

“Again!”

“It’s not my fault!”

“And don’t you forget it! We’re done for today.” Just like that, Smoker turns around and walks away. Leaving you and the Marine there.

“He’s right. It’s not your fault.”

“I should know that, but the guilt is killing me. It felt like I was looking at a picture of my home.”

“Maybe take a nap? Sleeping always makes me feel better, even if it’s just for a second.”

“I guess…” You rub your upper arm to soothe yourself as you make your way to the bunks. While being alone sounds nice to hide and cry, it also sounds horrible. It’d leave you with your toxic thoughts as the words on the paper replay in your mind every single second. You fear how true it was as you remember the little boy who came up to you. Was he okay? He was so sweet. You hoped he knew it wasn’t your fault.

When you made it to your bunk, you collapse on the bed and hold your stomach. A heartbreaking feeling overcomes you as the thought of the little boy getting hurt. He was a simple child, he shouldn’t have to deal with such destruction. Looking down at your tummy, you let out a shaky breath.

“Why can’t I accept it’s not my fault? I even tried disguising myself. If it wasn’t for the small gust of wind, then that island might still be okay.”

“I keep thinking about you and this whole pregnancy thing. I won’t lie to you. I’ve been thinking about once you're in the world, I was gonna put you up for adoption. It’d be better for both of us. I haven’t even met you, but I know you deserve a normal, loving home. A place where you can grow up without worries. A place you can grow up without me.” Your body begins to shake as more tears soon blur your vision. Biting your trembling lip, you try to collect yourself.

“I can’t take care of you. Not when I feel like I’m about to break down any second. I hate your father and want him to keel over and die. My hatred is something I don’t want you to grow up surrounded by. I want you to love the world. You could even try to change it for the better.” The silence after your words makes you let out a pitiful giggle.

“You're not even the size of an oreo, and yet I’m talking to you like you can hear me. God, I probably look so crazy talking to myself. Maybe I am crazy, maybe this is all a dream, and I’ll wake up at home. That’d be insane, huh? Everything I’ve ever known in the past two to three years just gone. And that's another reason why I cannot be your mother. I want that. I want this hell to be a dream. I want to go back to my home. Wake up and realize that this never happened.”

“I cannot be the mother of a child I dream doesn’t exist. I do hope you understand in the far future, why I’m making this decision. Please don’t hate me for it. I just want you to have a childhood so loving that your smile lights up a room. That even the worst of the worst can’t ignore or harm you in any way once they see your smile.”

“And while that smile is not something I can give you, know that I don’t hate you. I just know this is best for you. And what’s best for you…isn’t me.”

~~~

Another art piece lets gooo

[sorn-orlith]

Heyyyy so I might or might not have just been obsessing over your page (I totally was I ain’t gonna lie). But I was wondering (if your requests are still open) if you could do a M!Tav x Shadowheart where Shadowheart has a nightmare in camp and he comforts her. Mainly fluff but if you want to add smut, well I won’t complain lmao. Anyway hope you’re having a great day!

There had been a time when Tav would ignore Shadowheart's quiet gasps of pain -- not because he wanted to, mind, but because any attempt at soothing had been met with swift and harsh rebuke. Pain is Shar's gift, and Tav learned quickly not to come between his beloved and her goddess.

But tonight is different. Not a tenday prior Shadowheart had cast decades of Shar worship into the ether along with her spear. To say she was taking it poorly would be an inadequate read of the situation; she was withdrawn, but not to the point of harm. She needed to think. She needed time.

The Sharran had long since kept her pain silent; but as Tav lies, ears pricked to the slightest sound, he picks up her voice -- "No."

It's as much of an invitation he's going to get. He keeps his blankets around his shoulders -- the early-autumn air nips at his skin -- and makes his way into Shadowheart's tent.

"Shadowheart."

He calls to her in the darkness, a whisper unheard. Her teeth chatter, her breathing comes in short gasps.

"Viam lux!"

Tav is more forceful as he summons dancing lights, illuminating their sanctum in a bluish glow. Shadowheart, curled in on herself and doused in her own sweat, lay shivering at his feet. In an instant he's on his knees. From his new vantage point he's able to see the muscles in her face clenched, eyes shut so tightly it's as though they're sealed closed.

Tentative as though reaching for a frightened kitten, he touches her shoulder. "Shadowheart, wake up; it's Tav. You're having a nightmare." Gentle fingers wipe the sweat-soaked bangs from her brow. "Come back to me. Please."

In a flash her eyes are open and locked on Tav's, a deer staring down the length of a hunter's arrow.

He brings the light in closer, that she might see an ally above her.

"Tav," she chokes.

"You're awake now; she can't touch you." He knows better than to tell her her dreams were not real. In all her wickedness, the Goddess of loss raking jagged claws down Shadowheart's brain is every bit as true as the man currently crouched beside her.

A steadying hand on her shoulder, the tortured creature's panting slowly evens out into a pained but steady rhythm. Her shaking ebbs.

"There you are," he says.

"She has me," whispers the half-elf. "I can live in the moonlight all I want to; as soon as I'm asleep, I'm hers again."

It's the first she's spoken of Shar since the night they promised themselves to one another. Tav won't ruin this. If she needs to talk, let her talk. If she needs warmth, let Tav be an inferno.

"I'm so cold."

He's ambling onto his side before the words are even out, wrapping her up in his own blanket.

She rests her slick forehead against his.

"Do you want to be touched?" He ventures, cautious.

Shadowheart's eyes study the sproutings of hair on Tav's chin with fervid intent, fearing his eyes as she had when she had first awoken. "I don't know. Can you... here, take my hand."

She was right. She's frigid. Fingers like ice meet Tav's warm hand between them. Silence fills the seconds that come next, stretching out into quiet minutes spent in contemplation.

"I don't think I'm getting back to sleep," sighs Shadowheart at last. "But -- will you come to my tent tomorrow? If you'll have me, I mean. I could use someone to banish Shar when I'm in the worst of it."

He brings her now-warm fingers to his lips. "Think nothing of it. As long as you have need of me, I'll be here."

[woso-dreamzzz]

hate exam szn. i was late to the fateful jenni agenda day 🥲

i didn’t even realize the summary for alexia’s version was you come home and so when i read jenni’s summary—you go home—my stomach actually dropped. was like damn shots fired, feeling bad for alexia but yk she made her bed (unknowingly of course… but still)

bambi being strong and weak against alexia and feeling suffocated when she hugged her? calling out to her only to GIVE HER BACK THE TRAIN? spain without the s.

the (sort of) putellas erasure and feeling content at the thought of just being a hermoso actually hurts 😭 i’ve lowkey wanted this outcome the entire series and now that it’s here i’m sobbing. getting the “worst traits” from alexia and thinking she’d have let bambi stay if she were good at football oh my. jenni having always supported bambi’s interest in ballet feels right though. do you think jenni ever posts about it (perhaps not bambi’s face specifically, more so things related to bambi and to ballet) with so much pride and it gets back to alexia like a slap to the face? or even eli/alba visiting in mexico to watch a big recital and eli’s posts are more private so there are just videos on top of videos of bambi dancing—how does alexia react to all of this? alexia makes the decision that jenni’s better for bambi, but do you ever think she hates that fact? does it ever frost her relationship with jenni?

i was also wondering how olga reacts to bambi leaving. does this mean there’s never a true relationship between the two? bambi wouldn’t get a lot of time with alexia so i feel like alexia would inadvertently push olga to the side when bambi’s here. is olga just jaume’s mother? do you think bambi ever reflects on the fact that the addition of olga into bambi’s life was definitely a turning point? (so many questions omg… sorry) does jenni ever speak about olga and alexia in a bitter sense? does alba ever confront olga as well?

i hope that bambi’s a little more expressive of her feelings with jenni in this alternate outcome. the “so’s mine” and no one hears… the guinea pig comment too. bambi i’m getting you out of all the pain you’ve ever endured. i hope that she’s able to (in both outcomes) overcome this fear of speaking up for herself… because she won’t be able to realize that none of this was her fault if she doesn’t express she feels this way 🥲

also: holy shit. the mami never wanted you to you think mami is special to you know she’ll be the best mami in the world to jaume too LASHED ME W SO MUCH PAIN. SPAIN WITHOUT THE S. bambi’s always held alexia to the highest regard and despite her experiences alexia is never hated/despised. this might be a result of unreliable narrating given bambi’s reflection of her family and “how things are” are most definitely influenced by how she feels… but bambi thinking she was lucky alexia loved her ENOUGH to look after her until someone else could. NOT EVEN CARE FOR HER. look after. pain. her reflection of jenni always having loved her cements my feelings towards my internal jenni/alexia debate. (it’s always favoured jenni) of course alexia never meant for this to happen… “this” meaning bambi (from the beginning she’s faced difficulty on if she even wanted to go through with the pregnancy) but also this as in what’s occurred to bambi in general. to me though, alexia had full autonomy to end the pregnancy. she chose to have bambi. to me that signifies consenting to take on the responsibilities of a parent, and alexia failed that. though people make mistakes… this was dragged on and obviously has long-lasting consequences and haunts not just her, but bambi too. jenni’s constant and unwavering love for bambi hopefully will mend this trauma and heal her from the pain she’s been put through at such a young age

honestly after all this, even if i feel for alexia and we see how happy she is to get bambi back… we see more of how affected bambi’s been in this situation—and if we think about it, this is how bambi feels when she’s not forcing herself to accept alexia’s love especially when it feels so foreign. it matters that alexia tried but i think that train being broken was symbolic of her relationship with bambi… even when olga mended it it’d never be enough—it’s broken now and bambi hands back the new train (the one that should’ve been her birthday present) and to me that feels like bambi passing on this sort of responsibility to alexia with regard to jaume. this is a new train (a new child) and bambi wishes for alexia to take care of it and not break it the way she broke bambi.

still crying though. i love this series. thank you for always choosing the most painful words and sharing such a nuanced story <3 sorry for all the long rambles! there should probably be a feature to hide my asks bc i feel like it must be annoying have to scroll through it if you don’t want to read it 😭 you are the best though and everything you write is always a pleasure to read <33333

ps. princesse’s “mapi who doesn’t play football” HC is my most favourite. mapi’s the most supportive tattoo-acquiring, stray cat feeding girlfriend in the world and ingrid deserves nothing less

another ps. the first time i met my youngest sibling i lifted the blanket and got punched in the nose too. cub i love u <3

Long anon! I missed you! 😘

Bambi giving Alexia back the train was being planned for so long. It was always going to happen. It was just a matter of time that I put it in somewhere.

Jenni definitely posts about Bambi. She's such a proud Mama. She's careful with it though. None of the pics on her actual account fully show Bambi's face but she'll show Bambi's face on her story. There's countless photos of Bambi showing off her new ballet shoes (and then her pointe shoes when she's old enough to have them) and there's so many of the back of Bambi's head surrounded by her trains.

Eli definitely has more freedom in posting about Bambi because her account is private. She adores Bambi and practically all of her recitals end up on Eli's account, where Alexia usually gets her unfiltered information about Bambi from.

Olga and Bambi only really have a foundation of a relationship, the one that was made in the hospital, and it kind of stays that way. It develops a little bit as Bambi gets older but not much. Olga is mainly Jaume's mama and Alexia's partner. As Bambi grows up, she definitely comes to understand that her life changed the day that Alexia and Olga sat her down to talk about giving her a sibling.

Jenni doesn't really like to talk about Alexia and Olga to Bambi. She doesn't want to remind Bambi of them because she knows she's going to bitter about them so she just doesn't talk about them. Alba doesn't really confront Olga about anything. Her main job was getting Bambi out of that situation and she's done that now. She does keep a careful watch for the same warning signs for Jaume just in case.

Also about the train symbolism. The Bambi Train was ceramic. It looks strong but it's actually so fragile (Alexia dropped it and it completely shattered) while the Jaume Train is a proper model train. It's actually strong and if someone drops it, there's not going to be a lot of damage. It kind of signifies Alexia as a parent. She got a lot wrong with Bambi and she knows that but in the end, she ended up shattering the train (she broke their relationship). But with Jaume's train (and his and Alexia's relationship now and in the future) has stronger foundations and can take a few mistakes along the way without ruining it. Alexia has changed as a parent and giving Bambi to Jenni makes her want to be the best parent she can be to Jaume so neither of her kids have to suffer again.

I love reading your long rambles and I was so excited this morning to wake up and see you in my inbox again! I've got a few more parts of Injured stocked up with the first appearance of teen!Bambi that I'm so excited about!

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

You mentioned that Crane was running around half-naked in Arkham Asylum during some kind of manic period. And that got me thinking.

How can Batman even cope with such things? You have a kind of criminal boyfriend who's going through a manic period. He talks only about fear and can't think of anything else. What to do?

Send him to Arkham? Are the doctors competent enough? Shove the medicine down Crane's throat on your own? Just lock him in a Bat-Cave and hope for the best?

i tend to think, that down the line, when it happens, bruce have nearly a sense of acceptance hanging over him. it’s unavoidable, after all. even if jonathan would try his hardest, eventually smth will set him off or his mind would slide back into spiral. he’s not a super strong willed person, when it comes to his devices. an’ considering, that fear was jonathan’s main companion for almost as long as he can remember himself, it’s basically impossible to tear it out of him. from bruce’s perspective, it’s one of those things, where all he can do is try to minimize the damage, despite how it still upsets him. 

bruce is well aware that he can’t magically fix jon’s brain nor change his perception. in fact, meds can’t truly fix none of those things either, just keep crane from going into the deep end. so in a way, every option is pretty temporal an’ that’s kinda disheartening on its own. but in a way, i feel like it’s more jonathan’s personal view on the situation vs bruce’s. out of two of them, the big bad bat known to be so ridiculously stubborn. jon would sooner give up on himself, before bruce would do it. or in other words, bruce be willing to ‘run in circles’ for jonathan in that case. even if smth doesn’t work, just try again. it’s not like he won’t ever get frustrated with the fact, that nothing seems to do what he wishes it would. but bruce's general view on sickness of mind is quite a silver lining. there is just gotta be smth that will do the trick, right? just need to figure out what it might be. 

either way, in timelines where scarebat have some sort of form or even stalls in the beginning stage, arkham asylum prob won’t be bruce’s first or even fourth choice. i’m pretty sure, that he was always aware, that arkham is less of a place to heal the disturbed, an’ more of a cage to contain them. it doesn't take a genious to notice, that jonathan always comes back way worse after being there, than he was before. instead of curing him, that place allows all of his worst thoughts to fester an’ fester further. not to mention, i believe that bruce’s ‘hero complex’ toward jon would eventually evolve in a way, where he would subconsciously view himself as the only one, who can help / save him. combined with his control freak stick, where he can’t seem to trust even the closest of his allies to do certain stuff an’ prefers to do it himself just to be sure … welp, here you have it. the ultimate ‘he is MY responsibility’, but taken to the max level. the unselfaware possessive declaration.

it's almost funny. since it’s not like jonathan doesn’t already consider this to be true as well. that only batman *could* would save him. even if he also thinks this subconsciously lol. they have this common ground, despite how neither of them actually reflects on it. i mean, the whole deal of arkham knight is literally jonathan being robbed of his delusion an’ ‘anchor’, hence reacting to it very badly. an’ bruce no longer being able to maintain the savior mantle, which leads to their mutual destruction.

howerer, for the sake of it, let’s imagine that bruce manages to save jonathan in arkham asylum, who is still maniacal an’ still insists on being half-naked. clearly, not all that much can be done here. but with the joker’s death hanging over bruce as an unwanted reminder that this is most likely how all of his rogues would eventually go out, he has to do smth. he’s too paranoid not to. he can’t trust crane to somehow get better on his own.

so, what indeed, can bruce do then? pills might help to sustain jon for time being, but it doesn’t really solve the problem for long. once, jon be off them, he’d be way more aggressive an’ erratic than he was beforehand. hormones inside his brain will go wild as they won’t be ‘clogged’ by valium, an’ back to rampage he will go. like, batman still might attempt to do it in some cases, but not before trying smth else first. but that's if we talk about arkhamverse one, specifically. i think, that depending on the version of the bat, each of them would try slightly different approaches to the problem. ak!bruce is also prob more aware about how it would also take a fairly huge dose of medicine to 'take' jon down, when he's like that.

now, in comparison to this, containing crane somewhere ‘safe’ during that time isn’t such a bad idea. keeping him in the same place can prove to be tricky, when he’s like that, but still managable. after all, a sheer crux of jon’s fear obsession always leads back to batman, so it’s safe to assume that if he will have access to him, he would most likely leave an unfortunate bystander alone. in arkham asylum, while he had injected guards an’ randos with ft, his primal focus was still trained on the bat. an’ once they met ‘face to face’, it was only this. he didn’t come after anyone else. nor he seemed to communicate with any other rogues, or even care that they existed. the part of what made that segment of the game magical is the feeling of flimsy reality. of isolation. as there wasn’t anyone else in that nightmare world, just jon an’ the ‘little bat’. batman’s fear is the most intoxicating one for jonathan. the sort that he’s very greedy for, an’ can never get enough of. so if bruce will ‘lure’ him into a make-shift trap to stale the time, jon would follow. 

i honestly, think that if bruce will drive them to some desolate cornfield an’ let jonathan ‘haunt’ him there, that it might kinda help. it’s the feel of thrill an’ terror an’ chace, that might ‘sedate’ scarecrow’s appetite for fear an’ tremors, at least for some time. he wants to scare an’ to be afraid. bruce simply needs to create a ‘playpen’ for them during those times. akin to the kinds jonathan himself tends to create for them. he could also put him into ‘gay jail’ inside bat-cave too. on the paper, this sounds kinda hilarious. bruce be trying to piece together some case, an’ jon would be like ‘feeeear’ from some corner of the cave, like a parrot or a ghost. i can see arkhamverse bruce actually doing it tbh. he way less ‘cuddly’ with scarecrow vs BTAS or comicverse batman, who can appear somewhat gentle with them in some instances. him building jon his own fear baby cage is ridiculously accurate. he could even feed him through the bars, as it’s almost familiar sort of interaction. 

but overall, i think, bruce himself is the best ‘medicine’ for jon. be it via delivering a knockout punch, or way more unusual methods. 

on other hand, i think it’s hella frustrating for jonathan, when bruce has his own mania, which is often displayed in how he begins throwing himself into his vigilante work, after some big accident had occurred an’ many people got killed / got hurt. it’s like almost non-stop crime preventing, saving people for him an’ crane not sure what he can even do. his ‘they were clearly too stupid to live. it’s not your fault’ doesn’t really help anything lol. but what he will attempt to do is talk for another time, i suppose. 

[ataleofcrowns]

Chapter Progress [JAN/01]

First progress report of the year!! Hope everyone experiences a great 2023 in all areas of your life and that it'll be much kinder to us than 2022 was ✨

It’s been a while since I posted a proper update on the blog since my writing pace has been erratic in the winter, but I’ve finally made enough progress to feel good about where I’m at with the chapter. We’re up to 27k words now, and I’m guessing the total word count for CH10 will end up being around ~40k words or so.

This chapter more than any other is making me consider how many variations I want to write out, which subplots can be momentarily set aside, and which ones need to be set up now rather than later.

The LI subplots currently take definite precedence, even though they're a relatively smaller part of the chapter in comparison to everything else. I won’t give any spoilers, but some hints:

X is spiraling a little bit, making bad decisions, running away from their problems/solving them with violence. Extremely well-adjusted.

R is having an identity crisis of immense proportions after being hit with a revelation with the figurative force of an airplane crashing into a mountain.

A is seeing both their greatest hope and worst fear coming true without having any idea of how to stop it, the despair of powerlessness, etc.

D is trying to have an intervention with an old friend and instead is getting their heart shattered, and unfortunately therapy doesn’t exist in Arsur.

Please pray for all of them.

Anyway, to give you an idea of the chapter structure, the Crown's training and tutoring classes averages around 7k words, the political section of the chapter is 11k words, and the remaining 9k is taken up by the LI POVs so far.

Final Draft Deadline

I've decided to pick out a deadline that I need to stick to in order to finish this thing before uni gets busy again: I'm intending to have the final draft for CH10 finished by February 1st!

Even if I can't make this exact date and am a few days late, it'll still give the betas enough time to proof read in order for all the early access Patreon/Ko-Fi releases to be in February. So if you’re aiming for early access, I’d plan it for February!

To make up for some of the radio silence on the blog with regard to updates, I'll be posting various CH10 previews throughout the coming week that patrons have already had access to.

No spoilers, but here’s some very juicy ones in the mix 👀

As always, thanks so much for your patience and understanding, and stay tuned for more news and previews very soon 💖

[jenyifer]

The Trainee Ep 2 initial reaction

Slight disclaimer I did watch the episode 1/4 3/4 because YouTube is a cruel mistress and I’m dumb lmao. But I assume if anyone has seen my watching series you’d know I don’t really offer much of intellect anyways sooooo

Let’s get on to the photo review

Quick note here Ryan is a lot more relatable believable character to me in comparison to Chef Prem? I think it’s good writing and set in these scenes with Ryan at his dad’s shop really do a lot to establish who he is as a person. We can see his family circle is hard working and maybe isn’t the best with their feelings. We still see Ryan’s family does take care of each other in important ways and understands to some extent. Also very relatable to be a recent grad with no direction or going to university without passion because you know your family needs you. Idk I like Ryan. He’s not quirky for quirky sake. He’s believably broken in predictable ways.

Ugh couples are the worst. Also performative gestures like this are so stupid now you might say it’s comedy. However I’ve enjoyed a couple office romance interns edition and it’s ways sickening. Just like highschool sweethearts that kind of sweet where they are blind or trying to make others jealous because of their own inadequacies with themselves

I’ll say this it is good for new members of staff to learn to speak their mind quickly because if they don’t contribute you are missing out on new ideas and eyes. Also Jane/Off is so handsome my brain would definitely malfunction. A person in control who knows what he wants 🥵 sexy. Also Off’s irration just scratches a good itch in my brain makes me think of Sean 😩😩

A very important bonding activity converting the non nerds to the joys of Harry Potter and other pop culture. A dance as old as time. My older coworkers try to get everyone to watch their pop culture references too. It’s really an unspoken office life normality. I really wasn’t expecting so many references though. But I still love Harry Potter because idk I see the good parts of the story and adore it. Yes yes I can now see the racism and the transphobia (the dream of Malfoy’s cronies turning into girls) also preachiness about sexism when needed. But I also see the fandom that raised me. The various queer friends I met because of my love of the boy who lived. Something I won’t have had in Mississippi. The books that always comforted me since I was 6 years old quoting the first book. the theme parks that still take my breath away when I go to visit Universal Orlando on the weekends. The queer and loving people who work there and are all too happy to make a child’s dream come true or adult look in wonder at something they have missed. (Sorry for the tangent)

Oh no it’s Gun’s arguably greatest talent crying in character. I felt like I could feel the fear and panic building in Ryan to this point which… if you aren’t crying in the first several days at your big kid job because you feel like an imposter who can’t do shit and will never be trusted? I can’t relate to you. Hell I got a new job a couple months ago. For a month I cried most days when I got home because I felt so awful about my capabilities even though I’ve worked 7 years in my field. It’s normal. Also Jane being shocked by this is hilarious you aren’t telling me he hasn’t broken someone down into tears before.

Oh no here it is folks Jane just enjoying Ryan’s energy and believing in him for no reason. Gun’s tears are very potent and can melt any wall I’m surprised Jane isn’t pulling him in for hugs.

Jane trying his best to keep Ryan without directly forcing him to stay was masterful as a boss. As a Simp it could use work but it’s a start put the ball in Ryan’s court with hope. Jane wants Ryan to grow and experience life which is good as a boss.

Awwwwwwwwww happy gunnie/ryan he’s so tired and anxious now he’s found solace in Jane’s words nothing can bring him down. He’s precious someone put him in my pocket.

[acrossthestvrs]

𝘚𝑎𝜈𝑒 𝛭𝑒 𝑎 𝘚𝑝𝘰𝘵

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

“Liam Payne of One Direction died.” My younger brother informed me and my heart sinks.

“What?!” I reply, hoping that it’s just a hoax or my brother messing with me. I grab my phone and quickly google “Liam Payne.” There’s already articles about his passing but I’m still holding onto the hope that it’s not true. I read through the article and it’s confirmed.

“This cannot be true.” I tell myself. Perhaps I’ll wait until there’s an official statement by the other members and his family. Later, my worst fear is fully confirmed as the boys make their tribute posts in memory of Liam Payne. Yet my brain cannot process the truth. “He’ll be okay — he’s got to be. He’s Liam Payne! There’s so much for him to accomplish and live for. This cannot be the end.” I think to myself. My brain and body go numb for the rest of the day after hearing the news. However, my brain is constantly replaying the words, “Liam Payne dead at 31 years old.”

But I cannot cry. It’s like my brain refuses to comprehend the words, ‘Liam Payne of One Direction dead’ because he’s so young and it’s so sudden and he can’t just be gone. Besides, there’s so much more for him to do. This is when I’m entering the first stage of grief — denial. Everyone else around me has continued to do their daily tasks, meanwhile I felt stuck in time.

I feel a knot beginning to form in my throat but the tears won’t come out. “Am I supposed to feel this devastated over someone I didn’t personally know? Is it normal?” I ask myself.

At work, thankfully there’s no small talk being made by my coworkers otherwise I felt like I would’ve definitely broken down then and there. And work goes by smoothly.

As I start making my way back home, my emotions are once again numb. But I don’t dare to play their music — One Direction. Because I know that the second I hear Liam’s voice again, I’m going to break down for sure.

When I get home, the rest of my family is already in bed so I quietly make my way to my bedroom. I once again get my phone and go on TikTok and there’s already fans around the world gathering together and mourning Liam Payne. I look over at the comments and one of them says, “he’s someone’s baby.” I lock my phone and start crying. He’s really gone. And here I was spending the entire day hoping that this is a horrible nightmare or some kind of prank pulled by the media but that’s not the case.

As the days go on, I find myself constantly checking on Liam’s socials somehow hoping that he posts something and tells us that it’s not true. That it was all a misunderstanding and that he’s still alive and well. I also find myself reminiscing when my cousin got me into this British boy band.

“They don’t really catch my attention.” I tell her.

“Just check out their song, “Gotta Be You” she says. “If you don’t like it, I’ll stop bugging you about them.”

“Okay, fine.” I relent and allow her to introduce me to One Direction.

I was sixteen then and she was fourteen. “Their songs are not bad.” I admit and my cousin welcomes me into the fandom. And for that, I’m always going to be thankful to her.

To Liam, thank you for all the memories of my teenage years and for making high school a lot more bearable. You and the boys are what got me through and I’ll forever be thankful for that. Because of One Direction, my cousin and I bonded a lot at school. But most importantly, thank you Liam for getting me through 2020/2021.

Especially 2021. I was in a very dark place mentally and even though at that point, you and the boys were each doing your own thing, you all got me through. Yes, including you Liam. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. I wish that you would’ve gotten the opportunity to heal and become the best version of yourself. To have gotten the help that you needed and it breaks my heart that it’s no longer possible. I’m so sorry that we didn’t save you like you saved many of us but I hope that you’re in a much kinder, loving place. Whenever you visit the stars, save me a spot beside you for when I join you.

I’ll love and miss you forever, Leroy.

[thatgenderfluidmonstrosity]

This is set right after Korra gets her bending taken away (except Air ofc) and Katara did all that she could to fix it, but couldn’t. This is if she still struggled to connect with her spiritual side, and therefore took way longer to get her bending back.

TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt

Korra sat at the edge of the cliff, Naga by her side.

“What can I even do now, Naga? What am I even good for? What good is an Avatar who can’t even bend all the elements!?” She cried out, pacing back and forth.

She felt the tears slip down her face.

“Goddamnit Korra-“ She muttered, planting herself on the ground, sobbing.

All of the thoughts and insults came back to her- yet this time- they were true.

“You’re just a half-baked avatar.”

“You’re the worst Avatar ever!”

“What good is an Avatar that can’t even connect with her spiritual side?”

You can’t save anyone now. Not as the screw-up you are.

Even Avatar Aang was better at this, and he was a child, Korra.

Her thoughts were loud- too loud. She couldn’t get any of it off her mind.

Suddenly, a terrifying thought emerged.

Let a different Avatar be born, then you won’t have to deal with being such a burden.

The thought was harsh- but she believed it was true.

Before she even knew it, she was standing on the cliff edge, overlooking the deep water below her.

If she jumped far enough- maybe she’d land in the water and not the land at the bottom. Maybe the fear of the fall would kill her. Maybe-

She felt the ice crack under her.

Wait-

Seconds later, Naga was pulling her back.

It was as if she was in a trance, and had been snapped out of it.

“Naga I- I don’t even know how I- I wouldn’t…. do that….” Korra comforted her polar bear-dog, who did the same.

With fear still coursing through her veins she made her way back home. Mako greeted her at the door.

“Is everyone still in there, moping about because of my failure?” She asked bluntly.

“Korra- you didn’t fail. It’s not like you planned for Amon to take your bending away-“

“But it still happened Mako! And it’s still my fault! A-and they’re all right- I’m officially the worst Avatar ever…” She muttered.

“Who’s… they?” Mako asked, setting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Everyone! All of Republic City, all benders and non-benders alike! Who’s gonna want a half-baked Avatar who can’t protect them? No one, Mako, that’s who.” Korra was getting even more frustrated, feeling more tears run down her face.

“Korra- none of us think that. The only ones who probably do are the people who have forgotten what all you’ve done for them with your time in Republic City. You are an amazing Avatar. You haven’t failed, and as long as Team Avatar is a thing, we are going to help you get your bending back. No matter what.” Mako said, determination and kindness in his voice.

It almost made Korra feel better.

“…Thanks, Mako…” She whispered, hugging him.

“Of course.” He responded.

The two of them went into her home, and she went to her room, doing her best to avoid eye contact with everyone.

She was successful, and surprisingly, was left alone for a while. She thought it was nice, being left alone for such a long time… but it wasn’t. She knew it was only a matter of time till her dangerous thoughts started crawling back to her.

End this cycle. Do it. You’re wasting everyone’s time with your hope and bullshit. Katara already said your connection was severed, so there’s no use. Hopefully the Avatar after you will be far more powerful and competent. Not that that will be difficult to achieve though…

Almost nightfall now, she couldn’t seem to get them to shut up.

She tried to cover her ears, pet Naga, and drive her attention towards something else- but none of it was working. None of it.

She was on the verge of another crying session when there was a knock at her door.

“Come in…” She croaked.

Her mother and father entered.

“Hey, hun.” Her mother smiled, taking a seat on the end of her bed, “how are you feeling?” She asked softly.

“I’m… as good as I can be right now…” Korra murmured.

There was silence. Korra couldn’t tell if she liked it or not.

“We are gonna help you in any way we can. Any way at all. You may be the Avatar, but you’re our daughter first.” Her mom said.

“Your mother is right, if we have to venture the world to get your powers back, we will. Anything to help you feel better.” Her father added.

“Thank you both… but… I think I just wanna be left alone for a while.” Korra countered.

“Are you sure? With such a large amount of pressure on you, maybe keeping yourself locked away isn’t the answer-“ Her mother tried to get through to her.

“No, I… I know… just for now, I would rather be alone. Just to think.” Korra tried to make it sound… less sad.

“Very well… We’re here if you need anything.” Her dad said.

With that, her parents left her alone. Well, she wasn’t truly alone; she had Naga (who was currently passed out) but still.

She wallowed in her pity till she fell asleep.

The next days were hazy, confusing and exhausting. It was like she was slowly moving through time, but everything was passing by all too quickly. Like she was the only one who couldn’t catch up.

Soon enough, it had been 2 weeks since she had lost her powers.

2 weeks since she became the weakest Avatar. A failure. A wreck.

She hadn’t spoken to many people, nor left her room. Her solitude was only worsening her condition and yet it felt so comfortable at the same time.

Her parents tried to get through to her, but she brushed them off. She knew they only wanted to help, but it was difficult. She didn’t want to have to ask for help, or even admit that she needed it. She couldn’t do that.

So there she was, training her Air-bending powers as well as she could.

That was when Tenzin interrupted.

“I’m assuming my parents sent you to check up on me? Well I’m fine. I don’t need anything right now.” Korra said, half-focusing on him.

“No, actually. They didn’t. I came here on my own. I…” Tenzin got closer, but Korra didn’t stop training.

“-You’re worried about me? Well I’m fine.” She muttered angrily, her air-punches getting fiercer.

“I know you aren’t Korra. How could you be? I just want you to talk to me, or your parents or friends. You experienced something traumatic, and have been bottling it all up-“

“I’m not bottling anything up!” Korra snapped.

Tenzin only raised his eyebrow.

“Ugh- whatever! I was the one that failed, Tenzin. I was the one that let everyone down. I was the one that was stupid enough to get her bending taken away!” She yelled doing one last move that completely destroyed one of the ice sculpture enemies.

“Korra-“ He tried to get through to her, attempting to give her a comforting shoulder-clasp.

“Don’t “Korra” me!” Korra pulled away, “I mean- what kind of Avatar am I?! A screw up?! I- I mean, your dad was taking down the freaking tyrant Firelord Ozai by the time he was 13! I’m a disgrace to all Avatars ever!” She ran out of the training grounds.

Sure, that might’ve been super childish, but with so much going through her brain- could she really be blamed?

She found herself by the cliff edge again. She didn’t even realize she had run so far.

As she took a deep breath, she let it out by screaming into the frozen tundra.

Just give in already, Korra. Do it. In a couple years, it won’t matter. A new Avatar will be here, and be far better than you. You’ll either be forgotten, ignored as just a bad mark in Avatar history or remembered for being the worst Avatar ever. No matter what, it just won’t matter anymore.

“I just wish I hadn’t wasted everyone’s time… just to be reduced to nothing…” She thought.

She was truly alone now. And as the sea called to her, so did death.

“Maybe the fall will be calming… soothing even. Like an embrace from the wind.” She thought.

And as she took the last step, the ground cracked… and she fell.

It was scary. More terrifying than she originally thought it would be. But… she supposed dying as a failure was better than living as one.

The wind wasn’t soothing… nor was it comforting. It hurt. It was rash and harsh.

It was also happening far slower than she thought it would- or maybe her thoughts were on hyper-drive, going faster to match the adrenaline in her.

As she braced for impact, her body was propelled upwards- and as her body shot into the sky, she felt someone wrap their arms around her.

She blinked only once before feeling her body getting set softly on the ground.

“Korra! Korra!? Are you alright! Can you hear me?” She heard a panicked voice.

She could barely respond before sitting up and vomiting on the ice and snow beside her.

“Okay- alright- you can still breathe, that’s good.” The voice spoke.

Korra had to register everything before even considering speaking.

“I’m… not dead.” She whispered, looking at her body, “I didn’t die.”

She looked up and over, only to see Tenzin’s startled and worried expression.

“I…” She tried to choke back a sob, but couldn’t.

She held onto Tenzin's shirt, pulling him close and sobbing into his chest, grabbing onto him as if he’d disappear when she let go.

“I- I was so scared- and I don’t even- I don’t know why I did it- I just- I just can’t live like this, Tenzin. I can’t- I can’t have people look at me, knowing how much of a disappointment I am to the Avatar line- I thought that maybe if I- If I just- died then you could all have a better Avatar- someone worth training, and celebrating… someone worth this title-“ She rambled, coughing from lack of air afterwards.

“Just let it out…” Tenzin murmured, rubbing her back softly.

“I thought that if I got good at this stuff, you could look at me with pride- the way your dad was seen- maybe people would like me the way they liked him- maybe if I just listened to all of your lessons, I wouldn’t be in this situation… and I wouldn’t feel so fucking pathetic…”

She finished, out of breath and tired.

“You aren’t a screw up, and you aren’t a disgrace. You aren’t a disappointment or terrible or whatever else your mind is telling you. You’re a teenager, with a heavy burden to bear and are doing everything you can to live up to a legacy. You faced a threat that no Avatar has had to face before. You are incredible, Korra. And I know for certain that my father would believe the same.” Tenzin's voice was soothing… calming.

It was warm and caring. Just as he was.

“Thank you… thank you, Tenzin.” She whispered, her voice was hoarse from crying.

“Of course. You- oh…. It looks like we have company…” Tenzin says, sounding surprised.

“Huh?” She asked, turning around.

“Well… Look who we have here.”

“Are you-!?”

“Avatar Aang, it is a pleasure to meet you, dear Korra. Or… Avatar Korra. Yes, that’s more fitting.”

He smiled. Korra admired him.

“Not much of an Avatar anymore… I don’t know if they deliver news to the spirit world but uh-“

“Oh, I know. We all do.”

Behind Aang, tons of the other Avatars appeared.

“But how-?? I’ve never had any strong connection to my spiritual side!” Korra said.

“The Avatar State is induced in states of emotional or mental distress… it seems like you conjured me up that way.”

He smiled… it was a gentle one, just like Tenzin.

“So… what… What now?” Korra asked.

“This is the part where I help you get your bending back.”

He smiled again, holding his hand to her forehead, just as Amon had done. She couldn’t lie, she was scared.

Her eyes started to glow, then went fully white. Her body lifted into the air, water, earth, fire and air all surrounding her.

After a moment of that, her body slowly landed back onto the ground, Tenzin approaching her carefully.

“Korra…?” He asked.

Her eyes were white, then she blinked, and they were back to normal.

“Did I-“ Her eyes went wide.

“Yes, yes, I do believe you did.” Tenzin smiled and laughed, helping her up.

“Let’s go baby!” She called, starting to bend the elements once more.

All of them this time.

“I’m not a failure… I never was. I was just… hurt.” She told herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you liked this, I’d appreciate it if you could give it some love on Ao3!

[bebx]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

This is so lovely. Thank you! Let’s see what we have (I put the links that will direct you to each of the fics here, they are in italics and are in red);

I leave the arrow in my throbbing heart

Henry had no idea his reality of reshaping the world, after escaping the lab with Eleven, would be less of actually reshaping the world, and more of 'being Eleven's protective big brother, as well as her guardian' instead.

true love won’t desert you

"He is the monster, Henry. Not you."

Henry was standing right in front of her now, and even though he knew he was smarter than this, than to fall into Eleven's trap: she was only saying what she thought he'd want to hear, to save her friend's life. There was a part of him — a naive part — that still saw her as that nine-year-old kid who he once considered a friend. Even after she betrayed him, and turned him into this, Henry once... cared for her (and that was a mistake.)

But the way Eleven was looking at him held more than an indication of a desperate attempt to stall Max's death. She looked at him with what looked like sincerity in her eyes, the way a nine-year-old Eleven used to look at her favorite Friendly Orderly, before things reached the point of no return between them.

"You're not a monster, Henry." Eleven said, a tear rolled down her cheek. "Not to me."

like a dagger to the throat

A Papa and his wayward son. One mistake. Maybe, just maybe, they're not too far gone.

Doctor Brenner makes one last attempt to save Henry. He prays to God there's still a soul left to be saved.

blood so red on your fingers

Henry escaped the Lab with Eleven, and is living with her at Hopper's place. This doesn't mean all the problems are gone.

What Doctor Brenner leaves in his wake is the trauma Henry cannot quite escape from.

when a wolf lost its teeth

For old times' sake, Eleven decided to spare Henry's (Vecna's) life after she defeated him.

Henry was hurt, with his many wounds, and he had no place to come home to. But he still had Eleven, or so he hoped.

I.e. Eleven unexpectedly found Henry huddling in the corner of her room, looking painfully helpless.

Vecna’s Curse

Henry decided to swallow down his pride and come to Will for help. Will found Henry's request to be, understandably, messed up.

To sum it up, both Henry and Will faced their worst fear; their own issues, feelings and pain.

I know I was supposed to put 5 works here, but I kind of cheated and added an extra one here. I mean… I couldn’t help it because I feel like all of these works are my babies so yeah lol. Anyway, I’m aware they are all Henry Creel fanfics. I swear I’m so normal about this man (I’m not).

[7cakerolls]

ctto!!

i want to know you. human!neteyam x reader (highschool AU)

a feeling that can no longer be described as comfort. (chapter four)

nearing the end of the series!! i hope you all enjoyed :-)

previous chapter…

it had been a couple weeks since your time at the mall with him. since then, you had grown to understand and know the boy, and had a newfound admiration for him. he would walk you to and from classes, make you laugh when you were upset, and say things that would make your heart race without even knowing it. 

overall though, you were still unsure on how he felt about you. sure, he would say and do all these things, but did he truly harbor feelings for you? you didn’t want to get the wrong idea, so you asked your friends about it. tsireya and lo’ak were doing well for themselves, being known as one of the most happy couples in the school.

so you called her over to your house on the weekend. you didn’t want to include kiri in this, as much as you hated leaving her out, but you didn’t want to bother her with love problems between her best friend and brother. “oh ‘reya… what should i do?” you said, full of despair and confusion. “if i talk to him straightforwardly, won’t he feel weirded out?? what if i’m misreading the entire situation…” you sighed. 

“my (yn)nie… i don’t like seeing you so stressed, you know? i get that you like him… but you’re amazing and he’s stupid if he can’t see that.” she said, patting your head to provide you support. as much as you loved your friends, you seemed to always be the odd one out. tsireya had lo’ak, kiri had her boyfriend from her old town called spider, and you just...had no one. 

was it you? were you simply unlovable? you couldn’t understand why everyone seemed to be in love but you. sure, you weren’t the most perfect person on the planet, but no one was. why should you have to jump over hoops for someone to see you? you were so unhappy feeling like this, so you wanted to get your feelings out on the table. confirmed or denied. the worst he could do is say no.. right? oh… how wrong you were.

thanking tsireya for her time and walking her home, you began thinking about the best ways to confess your feelings for him. you wanted to be understood for once, so you had to get your point across clearly. you didn’t think you had it in you to speak to him directly, and it would take you centuries to tell him everything you adored when it came to him.

so you decided on a letter. a letter could clearly express your true feelings without having to deal with the embarrassment of his personal rejection. as you wrote the letter, you started to realize just how much this meant to you. he was a beautiful soul, and you wanted nothing more than for him to return your feelings and truly see you. 

today was the day that you would hand it over, handing your heart long with it. you drove with tsireya instead of riding the bus with kiri and neteyam, since you didn’t want to see him too early. you so badly wanted to let kiri in on your news, but you feared that she would react poorly, and you didn’t want to lose one of your closest companions over something that could be helped. but when you arrived at the school and walked through the door, you saw it.

he was kissing another girl.

immediately it felt like your heart had shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, not understanding why this was happening to you. did he have a girlfriend? how could you have not seen this coming? how stupid could one person be…? you stuffed the letter in the trash, running back out the door as your eyes pricked up with tears. but this was the last time you would be crying over something like this. you didn’t care if you were absent to your classes, and you didn’t care if anyone was worried about you. you just wanted to be alone, like you had been and would continue to be forever.

you ran to the park closest to your home, and started tearing up again. how could you have been so blind? of course he didn’t like you, you took it the wrong way. all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and bury yourself in a hole. you walked home, ignoring the frequent ringing of your cellphone, the calls coming from your two closest friends. you didn’t want them to know what happened, their pity wouldn’t help in that moment.

your parents were understanding to why you arrived at home so early, thankfully. you didn’t come to school until next week, since it happened on thursday and your mom had the heart to let you skip friday. you had truly felt at a loss. you woke up from a nap to a ring from your doorbell. you jolted awake, and since your parents weren’t home, you went to go see who it was. it was him. and his presence was no longer comforting.

maybe it wouldn't have been so wrong to slam the door in his face.