#i still have 2 1/2 weeks of christmas break left i need to make it count

[blitterblues]

kissing booth fake dating au or better than the movies au. which gets first priority

[starsinthesky5]

you belong with me l || joe burrow x reader

description: you and joe have been best friends ever since ohio state and you’ve been his biggest supporter for as long as you both could remember. it was always the same dynamic between you both, friends. very very very close friends. but what if you wanted to be more than just friends?

a/n: best friends to lovers HELLO? you are both so oblivious yet so aware of your feelings at the same time it is crazy. so many little moments that have you like “how the hell are you not aware you’re in love with each other?”.

you’re in denial for a lot of this fic, and Joe pretty much knows what he wants but is a little scared to actually do something about it 

part 2

warnings: language, mentions of sex (no actual smut)

word count: 13.3 k 

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Thursday

You had just gotten home from running a few errands, absolutely exhausted from all the running around you had been doing from Christmas shopping and planning for your sister's wedding. You left all the bags in your entryway and collapsed on your couch. 

“Ughh,” you groaned into the pillow. It had been a pretty chaotic week for you and you felt tired and burnt out, and were in desperate need of a night out. 

You heard your phone buzz in your pocket so you moved to lay on your back and pulled your phone out to see who was calling. The name on your screen immediately made you smile and forget about your fatigue, so naturally, you answered it. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Joe said over the phone as he sat down on his couch.

“Hi Joe,” you smiled as you started twirling your his sweatshirt string. Somehow you ended up with a few of Joe’s shirts or hoodies in your closet from when you’d be over at his place or him at yours. Currently, you have one of his old LSU hoodies which was a little big on you, but that made it even more comfier. “How was practice?”. 

“Good,” He breathed out, sounding a little weary. 

“Is something wrong? You sound extra tired,” you ask your best friend. 

“Nah, Just the usual tiredness from practice but I’m fine,” he lied.

You could tell when Joe would lie to you, the tone of his voice would usually give it away. And right now, he was lying to you. “I know you too well Joe, what's up?”. 

He let out a sigh and said, “The Bengals Christmas Party is tomorrow night and I’m dreading it,”. 

“Ahhh, I see. Mr. Hermit Crab has to go to a partyyyy,” you tease. 

“Really funny,” He says, rolling his eyes which you could feel through the screen.

“I know you don’t partially enjoy parties but it’s Christmas, lighten up,” you tell him. “There will be lots of people there to keep you company,”.

“And that’s just the problem. Everyone there is just gonna wanna talk about football and I need one night to just relax,” he says. 

You felt bad for Joe since you knew how all of this would get draining for him. It was already stressful enough that the playoffs were slowly creeping up and the background noise was only getting louder by the day, and then he had 50 other things on top of that to do. He didn’t get any break time once December rolled around. That’s also why it was hard for him to enjoy his birthday, which happened to be next Sunday. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I wish I could do something to stop you from going but you are the face of the team and not going would look bad,”.

As he listens to you, an idea pops into his head. He sits up and says, “You know, it would be a lot more tolerable if you came with me?”. 

Your eyes light up at his offer. Joe always ended up bringing you with him to events like this. Ever since he got drafted by the Bengals, you’d be right by his side at any team activities that needed a plus 1. At first, you weren’t really sure why he’d bring you along with him, and quite honestly you still aren’t really sure since he could just go alone or bring anyone else, but it always seemed to make him more comfortable when you were there and you’d be happy to keep him company at any given time.

“That’s if you're free?” He adds.

“Oh trust me, I am. I’m in desperate need of a night out so this might be the thing I need,” you say as you hop off the couch and walk into your bedroom to figure out an outfit for tomorrow. 

“Everything alright?” He asks as he gets up to figure out his own outfit for tomorrow now that he actually has a reason to go. 

“Yeah, just a triple homicide. Work, Christmas, and my Sister's wedding planning,” you say as you pull out a few Christmasy dresses, none really catching your eye. 

“Damn, December really isn’t our month,” he laughs. “You need a night out,”. 

“You got that right,” you smile. You're just about to ask him what he was thinking of wearing to the party but your sister calls you, interrupting you and Joe’s call. 

“Shit, my Sister’s calling me. Probably more wedding stuff,” you sigh.

“That’s okay,” he laughs. “I’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow,” he adds.

“Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow,” you smile.

“Bye, Y/N,” he replies before hanging up. You then call your sister back, placing the phone on speaker and throwing it onto the bed.

“Hey Kaylee,” you say as you go back to outfit hunting for tomorrow. 

“Hey, you busy?” She asks.

“A little. I’m trying to find an outfit for tomorrow,” you say as you pull out a cropped red sweater. 

“What’s tomorrow?” She asks.

“Joe asked me to go with him to the team Christmas party,” you said as you dug through your closet for a black mini skirt and sheer tights to go with the sweater. 

“Aw that’s nice,” she says. “You know, with the number of things Joe brings you to or does with you, you’d think that you both would be a couple by now. You are practically his girlfriend,” she jokes, only partly though. 

You immediately stop looking through your closet and turn back to face your phone. “What?” you say as you feel yourself turning red at the mention of being his girlfriend, a thought you buried all those years ago because you thought it was silly. 

“I’m just joking, Y/N, kind of. But I mean, you are doing what girlfriends typically do. I know you’re really close friends and you have been for years, but he brings you to like everything and you’re always doing something together. People think you’re his secret girlfriend for a reason,” she says. 

You find yourself staring off into space as she’s talking. Deep down, you knew she was right but you just didn’t want to look at it that way. You were doing girlfriend duties for him and it became clearer as time passed by. At first, it didn’t bother you much, it was just two best friends doing best friend things right? It was completely normal for you to go to every single one of his games, go to these team events with him, and spend so much time together, right? But as time went on, you started to realize that maybe people’s comments weren’t totally out of left field. It did look like you were his girlfriend, especially since he didn’t have any other girl with him most of the time. 

You had feelings for Joe back when you first met at Ohio State, but you never did anything about them because you thought he didn’t feel the same. You spent weeks spiraling over your feelings towards him, but you eventually gave up because you didn’t want to lose him as a friend in case he felt differently about you, so you buried the feelings and moved on. Or so you thought you buried them. Clearly, that wasn’t the case since you were spiraling, again, at the thought of being his girlfriend and being told that you were acting like it too.  

You never pushed Joe about his dating life because you thought that was boundary stomping. Yes, you two were very close, but you didn’t really want to know the details about his love life for many reasons. You just watched that part of his life from a distance. He had a few girlfriends over the years, none of which stuck around or fizzled out over time. The only consistent girl in his life was you. And that’s why everyone thought you were his girlfriend when he first got drafted.

They were convinced you both were either dating or hooking up, neither of which was true. It was a little awkward when that gained traction, but it slowly faded out over time but still lingered to this day. You both tried to not let it affect your friendship and for the most part, it worked. You ignored and continued to support him in every way possible, but those thoughts of you being a couple were buried deep inside your mind and sometimes peeked through, just like how they were right now. 

“I haven’t really looked at it that way,” you lied. 

“Of course you haven’t. Why would you? Joe is such a great guy and has been a great friend to you for years. Why would you ever think that way,” she laughs.

Being best friends with one of the best quarterbacks in the league had its perks. But you weren’t one to take advantage of that often. You were just there to support your best friend and enjoy the ride. To everyone else, he was Joe Burrow. But to you, he was just Joe. And you loved that you got to see the real him and the guy you met in college was still there regardless of everything that’s changed since then. 

“Rightttt,” you say as you sit down on your bed.

“Well anyways, I’ll leave you to it. I was just calling about what the menu should look like for the pre-wedding brunch but we can talk about that later,” she says.

“You sure?” You ask.

“Positive. Have fun at the party and tell Joe I said hi,”.

“Thanks, Kaylee and I will. I’ll call you soon,” you say as you hang up. You toss your phone to the side and fall back onto your bed. The thought of you and Joe being a couple was stupid, right? You both had been friends for years and never once did he show any other feelings other than friendship towards you, so why was this even a thought? Were you not seeing something that everyone else was? Did Joe ever have the same thoughts as you?

He was the perfect guy. He was kind, selfless, funny, attractive, smart, and charming. Any girl would be so lucky to have him as her boyfriend. Wouldn’t it be nice if he was your boyfriend? He matches your vibe completely and you both have so much in common, plus you already know so much about each other. You would be the perfect couple and people wouldn’t even be surprised if you got together. 

“Nah, this is stupid,” you shook your head as you broke out of whatever fantasy you were dreaming about. 

But was it a fantasy, or was it something that you both wished was reality deep down?

Friday Night 

The next day flew by pretty quickly and you found yourself sitting at your vanity, applying the last bit of makeup before Joe picked you up. You opted for a cropped red sweater, a black mini skirt with sheer tights, and black knee-high boots. Jewelry-wise, you didn’t go all out. Just your usual earrings and necklaces, but you made sure to wear the diamond tennis bracelet Joe got you after he signed his rookie contract. You didn’t wear it often since it was so expensive, but whenever you did, Joe would notice and a huge smile would appear on his face. 

Flashback to 2020

You sat down on Joe’s couch as he brought over two glasses of red wine. He had called you over for dinner tonight at his new place that he bought once his contract money came through.

“I loveee your house. It’s very homey,” you chirp as you pull a plush blanket over your legs. 

“Thank you,” he smiles as he sits down, handing you your wine glass. “If everything goes according to plan, I’ll be upgrading in a few years,”.

“Oh trust me, it’ll go just as planned,” you say, taking a sip of the blood red wine. “You’re about to set the league on fire,”.

“I appreciate the confidence,” Joe laughs as he sips his wine. 

“I’m so glad you got drafted to Cincy. It was already tough enough that you were down in Baton Rouge for 2 years, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you got drafted anywhere else,” you sigh. 

“Sounds like somebody missed me,” he said as he threw his head back into the couch pillow.

“No shit, goofball. I missed my best friend,” you laughed as you playfully shoved his shoulder. 

“Well, take this as an apology,” he says, putting his glass to the side and reaching down to grab something from the side of the couch. He pulls up a small lilac gift bag and places it in your lap. 

“What’s this?” you question as butterflies fill your stomach. You place your glass on the side table and examine the little bag.

“An apology for being away for 2 years,” he says, raising his eyebrows and motioning you to open the bag.

“It’s not like I didn’t see you at all. I went to a few games and you still came back here during your breaks,” you said as you patted his thigh. 

“Still, I wasn’t at your fingertips like I usually am,” he laughs, causing a blush to creep up your face. “Just open it,”.

You nod and open the bag and are met with a beige box. You open the box and your jaw drops at the sight of a shiny, very real-looking, diamond tennis bracelet sitting inside. 

“Joe, what the fuck,” you whispered as you ran your fingers across the big diamonds. “You didn’t have to- This must’ve been so expensive,”.

“Don’t worry about all that. It’s a gift from me to my best friend and saying no would be rude,” he says, grabbing the bracelet and helping you put it on. “In case you forgot, I am a millionaire now, and you never wanna upset a millionaire,” he jokes. 

“Don’t send your minions on me now,” you joke as he clasps the bracelet onto your wrist. “But seriously, you didn’t have to do this,”.

He tilts his head, giving you a look that you never were one to argue with. “Fine, Fine. Thank you sooo much. I love it,” you say as you launch yourself onto him, pulling him in for a warm hug. 

He wraps his arms around you tightly and laughs into your shoulder. His hand runs up and down your back as you run your fingers through his soft hair. You weren’t sure how long you both were hugging; you were waiting for him to pull away, but he was waiting for you to pull away. But at the same time, neither of you really wanted to pull away. 

You appreciated the glamorous gift from him, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel butterflies in your belly when you opened the box. Little did you know this bracelet was his first official purchase from his contract money. He knew that once the money hit his account, he wanted to buy you something to show how much he cared for you, the only girl that has been by his side through thick and thin. 

End of flashback 

Last night’s thoughts were no longer in your head as you reminded yourself that Joe was just your best friend. Nothing more, and nothing less. There was no reason to ruin your bond with a silly little pipe dream. 

You heard your phone buzz from what was probably a text from Joe. You opened the text, laughing at the text, which was a little inside joke you two had made over the years.

Joe: getaway car 

“Getaway Car” was a term you both would use whenever you needed to escape something. Whether it was wanting to leave a college party because you were feeling uncomfortable, wanting to leave an awkward situation, or like right now, when either of you needed a break from life and needed to do something fun. All you would say to each other was “getaway car” and you’d know what was up.  

You smiled at the text, grabbed your purse, and made your way out the door and down to his car. 

Meanwhile, Joe was humming along to the song playing on his aux, ‘Lovers Rock’ by TV Girl. You both had made a shared Spotify playlist years ago back at OSU and would often listen to the playlist whenever you were together, so naturally he had to play it on the way to the party. This song was clearly your addition as Joe’s music taste was a little different, but he’d learn to enjoy songs like this because of you. 

You also used to listen to this playlist during the time Joe was away at LSU and you would miss talking to him since he was extremely busy. He would do the same on those nights when he was alone and couldn’t sleep because he would be missing your silly little movie nights, thinking about if you were having these movie nights with anyone else while he was away. 

You made your way out of your apartment building, spotted Joe’s car, and walked over to it. You knocked on the window since he was too busy staring off into space to notice you walk over. He jumped slightly at the sudden noise but then relaxed as he realized it was just you. He unlocks the door which you swing open, hopping inside and letting out a deep breath.

“Woo, it’s freezing out there,” you say as you rub your hands together for some warmth. 

He stares at you up and down, taking in your outfit which you looked stunning in, his eyes stopping at your wrist which was decked with the diamond bracelet he got you. A smile creeps on his face, which you notice. 

“You look really beautiful,” He smiles as he puts the car into drive and exits the parking lot. 

You blushed at his compliment as you also took in what he was wearing. Black jeans and a dark green sweater along with one of his many diamond chains. He looked so good right now. The way his hair naturally fell into place, the way his mouth was curled up into a smile, and the way his sweater fit perfectly around his muscular arms. He just looked so good. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Burrow,” you tease. 

“Thanks for coming with me by the way,” he smiles over at you.

“Anytime,” you smile back. “Remember, just say ‘getaway car’ if you wanna leave if you get overwhelmed or something,”. 

“Aye-Aye, Captain,” he salutes. 

You take note of the song playing in the car and you blush again, and then hear Joe singing a bit of the song under his breath.

"While the others talk, We were listening to lovers rock, In her bedroom," he mumbles.

“Lovers Rock?” You question. “Damn, someone’s music taste def rubbed off on you,”.

“Actually, it’s our playlist that’s on right now. But yeah, I’ve learned to enjoy this kinda music. Might be because of a certain someone,” he shrugs. 

“Hmm, whoever she is must have excellent taste,” you say as you turn up the volume.

“Oh trust me,” he says looking over at you, the look on his face sending shivers down your spine. “She definitely does,”. 

A short drive later, you both arrive at the party. Joe turns the car off, hops out, and jogs over to your side, helping you out of the car before you can even open the door. 

“Such a gentleman,” you tease as you reach to close the car door, but he beats you to it. 

“For you? Always,” he winks as he closes your door and loops your arm around his, leading you into the party. You blush at the contact, but why were you blushing? He’s just being friendly, right?

Before you can dive deeper into those thoughts again, you find yourself already inside the party. soft Christmas music was playing over the speakers as the room was filled with people. You could see why he didn’t want to go now, especially alone. There were a bunch of food stations around the room, holiday photo ops, Christmas games, and the whole 9 yards. It was all a little overwhelming and it looked like Christmas threw up all over the party venue. 

“Merry Christmas,” you whisper. 

“See why I didn’t wanna come here alone?” he laughs. 

“Ohh yeah,” you nod as he leads you over to your friends. 

“Joe! Y/N!,” Jess says as she gets up from the table, a huge grin on her face. 

“Hey Jess,” you chirp as you pull away from Joe’s arm to hug your friend. 

“Hi Jess,” Joe smiles. “Where’s Sam?”.

“Oh, I think he’s over by the drinks with Ja’Marr and Ted,” she says as she pulls away from the hug. 

Joe looks over at you and you already know what he is going to ask, “Go,” you laugh. “I’ll be here with Jess. Yell if you need me?”.

“You got it,” he smiles as he walks over to the guys. 

“I guess Joe strung you along with him tonight?” Jess asks as she sits back down, pulling out the chair next to her for you. 

“Yeah,” you laugh as you sit down. “He didn’t wanna go and asked if I could go with him to make it more tolerable,”.

“Sounds like Joe,” she laughs. “He really hasn’t changed since college has he? He always used to drag you along to all the parties,”. 

“Not at all,” you smile as you see him laughing with the guys. 

“So, first thoughts about the party? Since it’s your first time here,” she asks as she takes a sip of her drink. 

“Verrry Christmasy and grand. Maybe a little Overwhelming?” you sigh. 

“That sounds about right,” she laughs, looking up and smiling, prompting you to turn your head. 

Joe was walking over, a grin on his face and a drink in his hand. “I got you your favorite,” he says, placing the Peach Mojito down in front of you. 

“Thank You,” you smile up at him, squeezing his hand for a second. 

“I’m not drinking tonight so make sure you drink for me too,” he says. 

“Say less,” you say while you pick up your delicious drink. 

“You good though?” He asks.

“I’m great, go with the guys,” you say, flashing him a reassuring smile. 

“Okay. But if you need anything, just come over,” he says. 

“Same goes for you,” you say as he gives you two thumbs up before walking away. 

“Always making sure you’re good before he does anything else. Classic Joe,” Jess smiles, causing you to freeze for a second. He always did that though, right? That’s just what he does with all his friends, not just you. 

“No big deal,” you whisper to yourself. 

“Hm?” Jess asks. 

“Oh nothing, just talking to myself,” you brush off. “So wait. Did Joe go to the party last year?” you ask, changing the subject as you take a sip of your drink. That question was floating through your mind all day, and you needed to know the answer. He didn’t take you last year but he definitely went, but with who? 

“Mhm,” she nods. “He went with Stella,”.

Your heart drops when she says that name. “Ohh right, his ex,” you sigh. 

“Yup,” she nods.  

His ex-girlfriend Stella. You didn’t really know much about her since you only talked to her a couple of times. One day she was in the suite, then suddenly she wasn’t. You didn’t push Joe to tell you what happened, especially since he didn’t seem too upset about it. All he told you was that they both just didn’t work. 

“What happened between them? You know I usually don’t push him about his love life,”. 

“Oh I know,” she laughs. “I don’t really know the full story myself. All Sam told me was that Joe felt like it didn’t fit. Like it wasn’t really what he was looking for relationship-wise or person-wise,”. 

“Interesting,” you say as you sip your drink. You rarely interacted with his girlfriends. Not just because they wouldn’t stick around so why bother, but also because you felt like they didn’t really like your vibe for some reason. Maybe it was because he would always talk about you and spend time with you, but did they care that much? You were just friends anyway and you thought that was obvious.

Joe’s POV

“Sooo, you brought Y/N?” Ja’Marr teases.

“Yes… I did,” you say, taking a sip of your water. 

“Anything going on over there,” Sam teases as he pats your shoulder. 

“What? With me and Y/N?” You scoff. “Please, we would never-”.

“Now don’t lie to me Burrow,” Ja’Marr says. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t go running to her if she looked at you that way,”. 

“Ja’Marr is right,” Ted adds. “It’s kinda obvious you have a thing for her,”. 

“Are you guys drunk?” You scoff. “What’s with the sudden attack?”. 

“Nah, but you might be,” Ja’Marr says. “Wake up Man. You clearly like her. You’re always talking about her, you’re always with her and don’t forget all those times at LSU when you’d be going on about how you wished she was with you right now. Those feelings ain’t die that easily,”.

“There’s a reason that everyone thought and still thinks that she’s your girlfriend,” Sam says.

“That’s just overly invasive fans and their stupid speculation,” you deflect. 

“Mmm, not to mention, have there been any ladies on your radar since Stella? You both broke up in January which was 11 months ago. And the reason was that you didn’t think she was the right person for you,” Ted says.

“Mhm, and does the right person that you’re looking for happen to be sitting there next to my girlfriend?” Sam adds as points over at you. 

You look over at her, smiling as you see her laughing like a hyena at something Jess said. She looked angelic as the soft glow of the lights reflected off her beautiful face; her cute laugh caught your attention even though you were so far away from each other in the crowded room. 

Deep down, you knew they were right. You didn’t want to admit it, but you did have a thing for her and have had a thing for her since OSU. You never brought up those feelings to anyone, not even Y/N. You didn’t know if she felt the same way about you and you were too scared that you’d ruin your friendship if she didn’t feel the same way. 

Those feelings even stuck around at LSU. They actually got stronger since you were away from her for so long. But you once again didn’t want to screw up your bond, so you repressed those feelings as much as you could and tried to distract yourself, but distractions were only temporary. That’s also why none of your girlfriends suck around. They weren’t what you were looking for and you weren’t invested.  What you were looking for had always been by your side since Day 1, but you just didn’t know what to do about it without risking your friendship. You knew you loved her, and she knew that you loved her as a friend. But she didn’t know that you loved her a lot more than how just friends loved each other.

She was the perfect girl. Any man would be lucky to have her as his girlfriend. She was stunning, genuine, funny, fearless, the epitome of a dream girl. Her being your girlfriend was a dream, but it probably would never happen. It never happened all these years you had known each other, so why now? 

But what if she liked you back? You wouldn’t know because you never tried that door, even though you had the key in your pocket all along.

End of Joe’s POV

The party flew by quickly as you talked with the WAGs for a little, ate some yummy food, and Joe made his rounds as QB1 talking to as many people as he could before his social battery ran out. Occasionally, he’d look over at you if he got a little nervous or overwhelmed. The mere sight of you always calmed him down. And once his battery died, he found himself sitting next to you, as usual. 

Joe’s conversation with the guys still lingered in his mind as he watched you chat and drink with your friends. He didn’t know what to do about the feelings he was feeling towards you and how to handle them, so he decided to let it be and just let things flow the way they were. If something was going to happen, it would. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t. Forcing something would be the last thing he’d ever do with you. 

You were extra giggly for the past hour, definitely drunk since you were on your 4th, maybe 5th drink of the night. You weren’t really sure anymore since you and the other girls did shots at the bar earlier, so it was definitely more than 5. 

“Y/N, how many drinks have you had,” Joe asks as he looks over at you. 

“Hmmm, I don’t know. Numbers are funny,” you giggle as you grab his arms. “You look really pretty tonight, Joey,” you giggle as you grab another drink. “Have you thought about being a male model? I heard Calvin Klein does some pretty fun shots. The girlies would lose it. I know I would,” you giggle.  

Joe’s eyes widened as he blushed a little. You were clearly out of your mind drunk and he knew exactly what would happen when you got this wasted. You’d be all giggly, then you’d have the zoomies, and then you’d crash, hard. He couldn’t have this happen at the party in front of everyone and he knew you’d kick his ass if he let you act like this in front of them. 

“Okayyy, I think that’s enough drinks for tonight,” he says, taking your drink out of your hand.

“Noooo,” you whine as you reach for the drink. “It’s so good though,”.

“And so is weed but you don’t see me being high all the time,” he jokes as he pushes the drink further away from you. 

You raise your eyebrow at him and say, “That’s funnyyyy. Those shades are glued to your face for a reason,”. 

He stares at you for a few seconds, taking in every detail of your face. How your glossy lips were curled up into a smile, how little strands of your hair were falling onto your face, and how you were practically glowing in the soft light of the room. 

“I don’t think you’d particularly enjoy being crossfaded,” he says matter-of-factly. 

“Do you have some right now? Let’s test it out,” You say as your eyes light up.

Oh hell no. How drunk were you? Joe thought to himself.  “Y/N,” he says, staring deeply into your eyes, grabbing both your hands. 

“What?” You giggle softly as you play with the wristbands on his wrist. 

“Getaway Car,” he says.

You immediately sit up in your chair and turn serious at the words that left his mouth, reminding you what those words meant and what they were used for. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”. 

“I’m fine,” he laughs as he grabs your hand that was playing with his wristbands. “But you’re not. You’re 2 seconds away from falling over,”.

“What do you mean? I’m amazingggg,” you laugh as you stand up to prove your point, almost falling over but Joe places his hands on your hips, catching you before you can. His big warm hands were firmly holding you in place as heat climbed up your body at his electric touch. 

“Yeaah, we’re going home now,” he says as he gets up from his chair, not giving you a second to protest. He grabbed your waist with one hand to make sure you didn’t fall over as you said your goodbyes and made your final lap around the room. The hand that was wrapped around your waist caused butterflies to fill your belly. His touch was so gentle and fulfilling, yet had you craving more.

He led you out to the car, his hand still gripping your waist, as you were going on about how much you loved Christmas. 

“I just love giving gifts,” you giggle as you lean your head on his shoulder. “It’s sooo fun getting to see everyone’s reactions when they open the gifts I give them. Speaking of, what do you want for Christmas Joey?”. 

“Nothing,” Joe smiles. “I already have everything I want,” he says, looking down at you. 

You pause for a few seconds as your drunken mind tries to process what he said. You didn’t see him look down at you, but you could feel his gaze on you. He wasn’t talking about you, was he? He was definitely just talking about his life and career. 

“That’s funny. I already got your birthday gift down for next Sunday, but you gotta meet me halfway for Christmas,” you say, quickly dodging those thoughts again. 

“Mmm, still don’t want anything. For either occasion in fact,” he says as you reach the car. He removes his hand from your waist to open your door and then helps you sit inside. 

“Well too bad,” you smile as he sits in the driver’s seat. “I guess I’ll have to figure it out myself,”.

“Have fun,” he says as he connects his phone to the Bluetooth; your playlist once again playing on the speakers. 

You fall back into your seat and bob your head along to the music as Joe pulls the car out of the parking spot, and leaves the party venue. A few minutes later, you’ve made it onto the highway. Your head is leaning against the comfy headrest as you look over at Joe. His tan skin was shining in the moonlight and his pink lips were curled up into a smile. You move your head to look out the window, taking in the gorgeous view of the Cinncinati Skyline, and then notice that Joe drove past the exit that you would take to get downtown to your apartment.

“Joe, you missed the exit,” you say as you flip your head back over to him.

“I know,” he laughs. 

“Uhhh, well are you gonna go a different way or?” you mumble.

“Nah, you’re way too drunk to be left alone tonight. We’re going back to my place,” he says.

“Joe, you don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine on my own and I don’t wanna intrude,” you say, sitting up in your seat.

“Intrude on what? It’s just me in that big-ass house,” he laughs. “Having some company won’t hurt,”.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“Positive. I know how you get when you’re this drunk and I would be a terrible friend to make you deal with that alone,” he laughs. 

“Yeahh,” you trail off. “You’re such a great..friend,”. It pained you a little to say “friend” and you weren’t entirely sure why. It also pained Joe a little to hear you say “friend”. If only you would put “boy” in front of it, he thought to himself. 

“So it’s settled then. You’re getting the Burrow treatment tonight,” he winks, looking over at you, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. 

“Uhhh, are we still talking about hangover care or?” you joke, breaking out into a fit of laughter. 

“Dirty, Dirty Mind,” he chuckles as he shakes his head. 

You bit your bottom lip as you stared out the window again, watching the cars pass by one by one you let out a content sigh and got comfy in the car seat again. But then, the song on the aux changed, immediately catching your attention and causing you to flip your head back to him. 

Joe’s eyes light up as he hears the soft music playing in the background, recognizing the song instantly and raising the volume. 

“Ohh yeah,” you say, moving up in your seat and swaying your shoulders as you recite the song lyrics. 

���Because I'm eighteen, And I still live with my parents. Yeah, they're not like yours,” you belt out as you close your eyes and dance in your seat. 

“Well, yours are more understanding. I've never fell in love, I've saved those feelings for you,” Joe sings, looking right over at you as he sings that last bit. He watches you cutely dance around in your seat, his heart softening as he takes in the moment. Something about you sitting in his car seat, after a late night, on the way back to his house, made him feel all giddy inside. 

“So let's do all the stupid shit that young kids do. It's me and you, youuu,” you sing as you open your eyes and point at Joe, who looks a little..lovestruck?

Lovestruck? Please, as if he would ever feel that about you out of all people, you thought to yourself. The alcohol in your system was really messing with your mind right now. 

About 20 minutes later, Joe pulled into the driveway of his house, which was massive. He definitely had upgraded from his last house, just as he had hoped to and just as you said he would do. It was just him in this big house, all alone. He would often get bored since he didn’t have anyone around to keep him company, so he was more than ecstatic to have you over for the night.  

After parking in the garage, he helps you inside the house. He walks you over to the kitchen island, pulling out a barstool with his leg, and motioning for you to sit down.

“First order of business, Water and Advil,” he says as he grabs a water bottle from the fridge, then moves to open the drawer to grab the bottle of Advil. He pulls out two tablets and hands them to you along with the water. 

“Thank you,” you say after you wash down the medicine with the water. 

“Second order of business, getting you something comfy to wear,” he says, grabbing your hand and yanking you off the stool. His warm hand molded perfectly against yours as he led you up the stairs to his bedroom. 

“But I don’t have any clothes here,” you mumbled as he pulled you into his room, still holding your hand. 

“That’s okay, you can just wear one of my big shirts,” he says as drops your hand and walks into his closet, returning to the room after a few moments with a purple LSU shirt in hand. “Is this good?” he asks.

“Perfect,” you whisper as you take the shirt from his hand. “Be right back,” you smile as you walk into his bathroom. 

You peel off your clothes from tonight, placing them into a neat pile on the vanity as you slip on his shirt. It was massive on you, no surprise there though. You smiled as you read the text on the shirt; it was his championship t-shirt from when he won the Natty. You scrunched up the fabric, bringing it to your nose, taking a deep breath, and remembering that amazing night.

Flashback to 2020 – New Orleans, Louisiana 

You looked over at the scoreboard, the score reading 42-25 just as the clock was winding down with only a few minutes left in the 4th quarter. 

“He did it, he really fucking did it,” you whispered as tears started to fall from your eyes, your friends all jumping up and down around you and screaming at the top of their lungs. 

“3..2..1,” Lydia screamed as purple and yellow confetti filled the stadium. The LSU tigers had just won the national championship, Joe had just won the national championship. After years of hard work and dedication, never backing down from a challenge, his dreams had finally come true, and you got to be apart of it and witness it. 

After watching the trophy presentation and the celebrations on the field from the stands, you made your way down to the field, hoping to get a moment with Joe before he was pulled in for media. 

You made your way through the crowds of reporters, players, and families in search of him, but you literally could not figure out where he was. 

“Did he already get pulled in for media?” you asked yourself as you looked around the field, your smile dropping. 

Suddenly, you felt two arms snake around your waist and pull you back into a warm embrace. “What the F-”.

“Calm down, Y/N, it’s just me,” he says, swaying you back and forth. You could recognize that voice anywhere, even in the loudest settings. You place your hands on his and turn your head up, meeting his baby-blue eyes. 

“Joe,” you whisper, feeling tears fill your eyes again. 

“Hi,” he mumbled before you flipped around in his arms and looped your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. 

“You did it,” you said, crying into his shoulder. “I’m s- so proud of you,”.

“Hey, Hey, why are you crying?” he asked, rubbing circles on your back for comfort. 

You pulled your face out from his shoulder and said, “Because, you’re a national champion now, Silly. This is what you’ve been working for and it finally happened. I’ve been fortunate enough to be by your side through the whole thing and can’t help but get emotional when my best friend just had his dream come true,”. 

He stays silent for a few moments before he pushes your head back into his chest. “Thank you. For everything,” he says, his grip on your waist getting tighter. He remembered how you had been nothing but supportive of his dreams since you met. There were days back at OSU when he would come back to his dorm after practice, feeling shitty and lost since nothing felt like it was going his way, and you would drop whatever you were doing at the moment to go and comfort him since he didn’t want to be alone. Those many late nights you spent trying to help him study and catch up on his work so that he could focus on football during the day. And nothing would ever come close to how you refused to miss a single one of his games, even if you were watching back in Ohio. He remembers you telling him that at your friend's bachelorette party, you had the game pulled up on your phone and sat at the bar the entire night watching instead of doing shots and dancing with your friends. 

The day he decided that he was going to LSU was hard for both of you. He could tell how you were holding back from telling him how you really felt, which was incredibly sad and upset, but you knew he had to do this for himself, and he watched as you plastered a smile on your face and cheered him on, even if it broke your heart. 

“You are the most strongest, dedicated, and talented person I know. I am so proud of youuu,” you squeal into his chest. 

Joe felt fireworks in his heart as he listened to you go on and on about how well he did in the game. Those feelings he had for you were so hard to avoid, and right now he felt like ripping the bandaid off and telling you how he felt straight up. But he couldn’t. He wanted nothing more than to kiss your soft lips right now and tell you that he loved you more than anything in the world, but he just couldn’t. Instead, he just enjoyed the feeling of you with him right now during one of the happiest moments in his life. There was no need to ruin it with his pipe dream.   

End of flashback 

You spent a few moments fixing your hair and washing your makeup off before turning off the lights and joining him back outside, but you stopped as you realized something. 

“Fuck, I don’t have shorts on,” you realize. You were just in his shirt, your white lace panties, and your socks, and didn’t know what to do. The shirt was big enough to cover your upper thighs and if you avoided any movement that caused the shirt to ride up, you would be fine.

“He won’t care regardless,” you whisper as you shake your head and leave the bathroom. 

While you were changing, Joe had changed into a pair of sweat shorts and a short-sleeved tee and was sitting on the bed, scrolling through his phone.

“Aren’t you cold? It’s December,” you giggle as you join him in the room again.

He looks up from his phone, heat rising up his cheeks as he takes in the sight of your bare legs and your body which was clothed by one of his shirts. Your cheeks were a little rosy, definitely an effect of all the alcohol you consumed. A feeling of nervousness now filled his body as he watched you put your stuff down on his table, the way your hips swayed from side to side, and how your hair bounced with each step. He realized that he hadn’t given you any shorts or boxers, so you were definitely just in your underwear right now, and that made him want to pass out. Why did he feel like a teenage boy all of a sudden? He had seen you in pajamas many times so why was he feeling like this? Whatever it was, it definitely was not helping the thoughts he had about your relationship earlier in the night because here you were, standing in his room, looking absolutely incredible. 

“You tell me,” he says as he raises his eyebrows. 

“Fair point,” you laugh as you walk over to his bookshelf, a photo frame catching your eye. He carefully watches you as you walk over to the picture, his heart feeling like it is about to beat out of his chest as he realizes what you are looking at. 

It was a photo of the two of you from one of his games at LSU. He was looking down at you, a huge grin on his face as if he was laughing at something you said. You were looking back up at him, smiling at his expression. You both were almost lost in each other’s eyes in this photo, something you hadn’t noticed before. This was Joe’s favorite photo of the two of you and he had managed to keep it to himself, up until now. 

Flashback to 2019 - LSU

You had flown into Baton Rouge early this morning and were going to surprise Joe at his game tonight since he had no idea you were coming. He had been begging you for weeks to come down for a weekend to see him because he missed you, but you kept pushing it off with lazy excuses so you could pull one on him. But little did he know, you had been planning a trip to see him for the past month. 

He caught a glimpse of you in the stands earlier, his entire face lighting up and his heart soaring. He thought he was dreaming for a second as he saw you sitting with his mom, wearing his number, and screaming his name, You waved over at him before the game started, but didn’t get a chance to talk to him as he was pulled into pregame warmups. Now, you were waiting in the tunnel as the game finished, eagerly waiting to see your best friend. 

You were chatting with Joe’s Mom as you waited for him to come out from the locker room. A few minutes later, you heard an all too familiar voice behind you. 

“You fucking liar,” he laughs.

You spin around, your heart skipping a beat as you see Joe standing in front of you. 

You walk over to him, launching yourself into his open arms and letting out a squeal as he tightly wraps them around your waist, slightly lifting you off the ground and swaying you from side to side. “I mm- missed you,” you sputtered, trying to hold back your emotions.

“And you said you were too busy with Jake’s cousin's wedding this weekend,” he says, his hand rubbing your lower back.

“Please, as if I would go to the wedding of my ex’s cousin rather than flying down to see my best friend who I haven’t seen in 5 months,” you say as he lets go of you, slowly sliding you back down to the floor. 

“Ex?” He asked.

“Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you over the phone. We broke up,” you say as you meet his eyes. 

“Really?” He asks, trying hard not to smile. He felt bad that you and Jake broke up, but part of him felt a little happy that there wasn’t any other guy in your life taking his space at the moment. Jake got to do everything Joe would do with you but couldn’t because he was away. The movie marathons, game nights, trying new restaurants, arcade runs, shopping, building legos, literally everything, he got to do, and it made Joe a little jealous. 

He never really got too involved in your dating life. He felt like it was uncharted territory since he was your best friend and a guy. It would be a little weird if he was getting involved. He also didn’t want to give the guys the wrong idea about your friendship. Although, he did have moments where he wished that it was a little more than just a friendship.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Just didn’t feel right. He didn’t seem invested in the relationship lately anyway,”.

“Mr. Lovebombing not being invested? Shocker,” he teases. You felt your smile drop a little bit at his teasing. Yes, you were over him, but it still stung a little bit since you were pretty unlucky in the boyfriend department and this was just another addition.

He immediately felt bad for saying that, knowing how you felt about relationships, so he pulled you into a side hug. “Sorry, that was jerky,” he mumbles. 

“It’s okay,” you say as you pat his chest. “I should’ve seen it coming,”.

“Well if it makes you feel better, I never liked him anyway, he laughs. 

“Joe,” you say as you playfully swat his arm while pulling away from the hug. 

“Hey, can you blame me? He doesn’t like ‘The Office’. That’s a crime,” he deadpans. 

“I missed you so much,” you laughed, staring deeply into his eyes. God you missed him. You missed his cheery attitude, his million-dollar smile, and the comfort you’d feel when you were with him. Joe could turn your mood around in an instant and make you forget about everything bad in your life. No other guy could ever make you feel the way he did, it was an irreplicable feeling. 

“Me too,” he sighed. “5 months is way too long and you’re so far away,” he mumbled, looking down at his feet.

“I know but hey, I’m here now. And even if it’s for a few days, I’m here,” you say, gently rubbing his bicep.

He looks back up at you with a smile, “Yeah, you are,”. He looked into your chocolaty eyes, searching them for a few moments, hoping to find something in them that he’d been waiting for, but he was interrupted by your laughter. 

“They might have to force me onto the plane back to Ohio. I’ve been here for a day and I don’t want to go back,” you giggle. 

“I can sneak you into my apartment,” he shrugs. “Just act like you’re on the football team and you’re golden,” he jokes. 

While you two were talking, Joe’s mom snapped a few photos of your reunion, neither of you noticing the camera snaps.

“Oh yeahh. I’ll totally fit right in,” you say, shaking your head. “I can be your new star Wide Receiver,”.

“Ja’Marr and Justin might have a problem with that,” he shrugged. 

“They won’t when they see how great of a duo we make, on the field and off,” you wink. 

 End of flashback 

“I haven’t seen this one,” you smile as you look back at him. “Gatekeeping, Burrow?”.

“It’s one of my faves so yes, yes I am gatekeeping,” he shrugs. 

“Well, I’m stealing it,” you say, picking up the frame. 

“Uhh, no you’re not,” he says, slowly standing up from the bed. 

“Ohh yes, I am,” you tease as you turn around to meet his eyes. He walks over to you as you slowly walk backward, moving away from him. 

“Okayyy, I think it’s time for bed,” he says as he reaches out to grab you, but you take another leap back towards the door. 

“Nopeee,” you smirk. “Catch me if you can,” you say, sticking your tongue out at him before running out the door. 

“We are not about to do this,” Joe mumbles as he runs out the door, following you as you run through the halls of his house. Giggles and Laughter echo throughout the house as you run down the stairs, looking back a couple of times to see if he is still there, and he is. Even though he was exhausted, he was enjoying chasing you throughout the halls of his house. The usually quiet halls were now filled with your shrieks and giggles, a sound that he loved to hear. You run over to the kitchen, standing on the other side of the island as Joe runs to the couch to grab a pillow. 

“Joe!” you scream as he grabs a couch pillow, launching it straight at your head but you quickly duck. 

“You asked for it,” he laughed. 

“Oh, it’s on,” you grin as you place the photo on the island, making sure it didn’t get caught in the battle. 

“Whatcha gonna do?” he smirks as he places his hands on his hips, bouncing from side to side.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you say as you slowly walk over to the comfy chair next to the dining table, grabbing a stray couch pillow and hiding it behind your back. 

He notices you hiding a pillow behind your back, so he leans down and grabs another one. While he was doing this, you ran over and started hitting him, gently of course, with the soft pillow. 

“Got youu,” you giggle as you smack him with a pillow repeatedly. 

“Nope,” he smirks as he grabs his pillow and swings at your abdomen. His strength was unmatched so the hit sent you back a little, almost causing you to fall over.

“Oh, now you’re done for,” you grin as you attack him with the soft pillow and he does the same to you. Giggles and squeals filled the room as you playfully battled it out, neither of you willing to give up. But soon, the teasing turned into a full-blown pillow fight as you both unleashed your inner children, swinging your pillows with wild abandon. Feathers flew everywhere, coating the floor in a soft, white blanket. A couple of swings later, you catch Joe off guard, tackling him to the ground as you place your legs on each side of his hips, caging him in on the floor. 

You hold your pillow above your head in mock triumph. He wriggled beneath you, trying to grab the pillow away, but you held it just out of reach, teasing and taunting him.

“I winnn,” you laugh as you look down, smiling at Joe's disheveled hair and flushed cheeks. You were so caught up in the childish moment that you didn’t even realize you were straddling his hips right now, and his hands were resting firmly on your hips. Your shirt had ridden up your thighs a little and you were definitely showing a little too much down there, but you were so caught up in the moment that you couldn’t care less.

“Zoomies?” Joe giggles as he looks into your eyes. 

“Zoomies,” you nod as you throw the pillow to the side, trying to catch your breath. A million thoughts were now rushing into your head at once. You were literally on top of him right now, but he didn’t even seem bothered by it. It was like he was enjoying it. Was he enjoying it? You move your hand down, placing each one on his biceps and digging your nails into his soft skin. 

Joe was trying so hard not to say something about how you were on top of him right now. He was just enjoying the sight of you above, as silly and sultry as that sounded. He looked down and noticed your bare thighs and the shirt riding up and you seemingly weren’t wearing anything under it other than your underwear, just like he had thought. God, you just looked so pretty and sexy, he thought to himself. Your hair was messy and your cheeks were blush pink, but you still looked gorgeous. You seemed so relaxed and comfortable, and he was trying so hard not to ruin the moment by saying something stupid. 

“You look so pretty,” he thought out loud, his face turning red as he realized he said that to you.

“Thank you,” you smile back, internally screaming at his comment. Was he being extra affectionate tonight, or were you just delusional? You definitely looked like a mess right now, and in no way did you look pretty, but his compliment still made your heart soar. A soft yawn left your lips as you rubbed your eyes, now feeling the ‘crash’ part of your hangover. 

“Crash time?” he asks as he rubs your thighs, your stomach fluttering at the contact. Why was he being so lovey-dovey right now? His soft hands massaged the plush skin of your thighs as you stared deeply into his baby blues, trying to make sense of what was going on. 

“Yeah,” you say as another yawn escapes your lips. You get off of him, slowly standing up as you are feeling the aftermath of the zoomies. Joe holds out his hands just in case you fall over as he gets up. 

“You can sleep in my bed and I can take the couch. The guest bedroom is kinda a mess right now since I’m using it for storage until they finish the basement,” he says.

“Hell no. I don’t wanna kick you out of your own bed,” you say as you pick up the pillows from the floor and put them back on the couch, your legs a little wobbly and your head feeling a little woozy. “I’ll take the couch,”.

“No way. You take the bed,” he says as he picks up the stray feathers from the floor. 

“Not happening, Joseph,” you mumble as you help him gather the feathers.

He heaves out a sigh, “I’m too tired to fight you on this. Why don’t we just share it?”. 

Your heart skips a beat as you look up at him, the look on his face telling you he is 100% serious. Although you and Joe had been friends for years, you had never slept in the same bed together. 

“As long as you’re not a kicker,” he jokes.

“Please, I sleep like a baby,” you say as you walk over to the trash can, throwing the feathers into the bin. “Besides, I’m more of a cuddler and not a kicker,”. 

“So that’s a yes?” He asks, trying not to sound too eager, especially at the mention of cuddling. 

“Fineee,” you smile. “If you insist,”.  

Internally, Joe was screaming. He told himself that he’d let things flow the way they were and let things happen naturally, that’s if something were to happen. He didn’t know if he was just reading into things a little too much, but was it just him or were you acting a little different around him?

Your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest. There was no reason for you to get so worked up over sharing a bed with Joe. It was nothing, just you sleeping right next to him, together under the covers, so incredibly close to his body. It was definitely nothing. 

A little later, you're getting ready for bed as Joe brings out an extra pillow for you. You walk over to the bed, open the soft covers, and slide in. His bed was so comfortable; so soft and like a cloud. He turns off the lights and plugs in his phone before joining you in bed. Your heart was beating so fast as he moved into the bed next to you. There was no reason for this to be weird, but you were making it weird. 

You moved back against the pillow, sliding down the bed, and pulling the covers up to protect you from the chilly room and to hide your nervousness. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” You asked Joe as you stared up at the ceiling. 

“Actually? I did. All thanks to you,” he said. 

“Really?” You giggled, moving your head to look at him. You could barely make out his face in the darkness, but you could tell he was looking at you. 

“Yup. You make everything more enjoyable and bearable for me,” he said, turning his head back over and staring up at the ceiling. “Did you have fun? I hope these football things aren’t getting too repetitive for you,”.

“Not at all repetitive. You know I love doing this stuff with you. I needed a break from life and this was just the thing. Thanks for bringing me with you,” you smiled.

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. You know I’m always here when you need something, even if it’s an escape from life for a day,” he says as he moves his hand down to yours, entwining your fingers together as he gives your hand a soft squeeze. Butterflies filled your stomach at his soft touch and meaningful words. 

“Besides, I enjoy having you as my permanent plus 1,” he laughs. 

“Permanent?” You ask, feeling the heat rise up your body again. 

“Yeah,” he sighs. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not having much luck in the girlfriend department,”. 

“Not saying you’re filling in those shoes and are a filler,” he says, quickly trying to soften his words because of how jerky it sounded. “I just like having you with me all the time, Ya know? That’s prob why people think you’re my girlfriend”.

“It’s okay, Joe. I know what you mean,” you say, adding a fake laugh into the mix. Your stomach did a somersault when he said that. Were you really about to have this conversation about that topic right now? 

“But please, I could name at least 100 girls who would be standing at your doorstep in an instant,” you giggle. 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want any of those girls,” he says, craning his head over to face you, his hand still holding yours, now tighter. 

“I want someone who matches my vibe. Someone who makes me feel normal and doesn’t constantly remind me that I’m a millionaire quarterback. Someone that I can take home to my parents and can feel comfortable around. Someone who can enjoy the simplicity of playing Smash-Bros and building Legos as a date. Someone that appreciates the real me and not the superficial flashy shit,” he says. As he was saying all of this, the girl he pictured in his mind was you. He was describing you. You were what he wanted. 

“You didn’t find that with Stella?” You asked, completely oblivious to what he was implying.

“Nah. She was great at first but as time went on I realized that she was more into the lifestyle of dating a football player than the actual relationship part. And I also didn’t feel fireworks with her,” he said.

“Ah yes. Fireworks. Just like your Mom told us,” you remembered. His mom had told you at dinner a few years ago that when she met his dad, she felt fireworks. Fireworks are what you feel when you meet the right person, according to Robin. You hadn’t felt fireworks with any other guy other than Joe, but you never told that to anyone. And he felt the same. He felt fireworks every time he was with you and he’d never felt that with any girl. 

“Yeah so I’ll probably die alone, he jokes.

“Please, we’ll die alone together,” you say as you take your hand out of hold and playfully shove his shoulder.

“I’m assuming there’s no guys on your radar?” He wonders, hoping you would say no.

“Nope. There hasn’t been any since Noah,” you replied.

“That was 8 months ago,” Joe gasped.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” you laughed. “You know I’ve never had luck with guys. None of them match my vibe and want something else out of the relationship that I don’t agree with. I want someone real, genuine, and serious,”. 

“I could name 100 guys that would be at your doorstep in an instant,” he says, echoing your words from earlier.

“Doesn’t mean I want any of them,” you say, echoing his words. 

“Fair point,” he laughs. 

“Yeah. So I’ll die alone too,” you joke.

“Technically not alone if we die alone together. We’ll have each other,” he said. 

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” you yawned, feeling another wave of tiredness

“Sleepy time?” Joe chuckles. 

“Mhmmm,” you groan as you stretch out your arms. “Don't ever let me drink that much again,” you mumble as you pull the covers higher. 

“You got it. Goodnight, Y/N,” he smiles as he turns his head over to you. 

“Night, Joey,” you smile before turning over and letting out a deep breath. 

20 minutes passed by and you were still wide awake, not finding comfort in his bed which was odd considering it was like a cloud. Your thoughts about you and Joe were also keeping you from sleeping. Ever since your sister mentioned that you were acting like Joe’s girlfriend yesterday, your head was spiraling and the alcohol from tonight was making it worse. And the conversation you just had with him was making it even more confusing. Sure, you did some girlfriend-type things, but you knew he would never look at you that way. He saw you as a friend and that’s all, at least that’s what you thought. 

Suddenly, you felt Joe’s hand creep around your waist, pulling you into his chest. Your heart stopped and your body froze from the sudden movement. What the actual fuck was going on. 

“Joe?” You mumbled, not meeting his eyes because you were literally about to scream.

“Hm?” He mumbled, half asleep. 

“Your arm,” you whispered.

“I’m cold,” he muttered as he held you tighter. “And you’re so warm and comfy,”. 

Your heartbeat picked up again as you felt his big hand sprawled out against your belly, not to mention that your ass was literally on his crotch right now. His body, although saying he felt cold, was hot. So very hot. 

“Is this weird?” he mumbles, opening his eyes. He really hoped that this didn’t weird you out.

You stayed silent for a few seconds, not knowing what to say or do. You didn’t feel weird oddly enough as that sounded. Something about this felt natural and so right. 

“It’s okay,” you softly spoke. “I’m good,”. 

Joe smiled at your response, feeling like he was flying through the clouds right now as he was practically cuddling with his favorite person. Everything about this just felt so right, and he wasn’t the only one who thought so. 

“Good, you said you were a cuddler so I hope this is comfy,” he mumbled. 

You felt your heart exploding as he moved closer to you. His arm around you felt like a safety blanket, protecting you from everything on the outside. A comfortable embrace that you wished you had around you forever. It felt right.

“Trust me, it’s perfect,” you whisper, closing your eyes and losing yourself in his embrace, too tired from the night to fight back. 

A few moments later, you were fast asleep, finally feeling comfortable and it was all because of him. 

The next morning 

Your eyes slowly flutter open as the golden light shines through the windows. You reach out to grab your phone, the time reading 7:35 AM. You felt your head slowly start to throb, a sure result of your hangover from last night. You were just about to get up but you felt a heavy force holding you down. 

“What the-” you whisper as you look down, noticing Joe’s hand is still wrapped around your stomach. You had forgotten that you were at his house and in his bed, and he was still wrapped around you. 

“Uh oh,” you whisper. You turned your head around and saw Joe sound asleep, looking so adorable as his hair was sprawled out against the pillow and soft snores coming from his mouth. You remember that he brought you here after the party last night, which meant you had no way of getting back home. You didn’t want to wake him up because first, he looked so comfortable right now, and second, you didn’t know how to talk to him after what happened last night. Those thoughts you had about your relationship with Joe only got stronger after the night you had. Although nothing like that happened, your feelings for him surely got more complicated. 

“Don’t leave me,” you heard Joe mumble in his sleep. 

Your eyes widened at his soft words, was he talking about you? You turned your head around to see if he was awake, but he was still sound asleep and snoring again. He must’ve been sleeptalking, you thought to yourself. 

You pulled out your phone again, opening up your messages to beg your friend Lydia to come pick you up. She usually got up early on Saturdays for Pilates so she should respond.

You: emergency! please come pick me up 

Lydia: good morning to you too lol. everything alright? 

You: everything’s fine I just uhh need a ride home

Lydia: home? where are you?? 

You: joe’s house 

Lydia: oh 👀 

You sighed at your friend's text. Now was not the time to have this conversation and you knew exactly what she was going to say. You and Lydia had known each other since Ohio State so she pretty much knew everything about you and Joe’s friendship since you were all a part of the same friend group. She was a huge advocate for you and Joe to be a couple back at OSU, but you always shut her down before she could get too matchmaker-ish. She claimed that she saw something “special” between you two, but your ignorant ass brushed it off over and over, just like how you were doing now. 

You: just pls come pick me up

Lydia: on my way ;) be there in 10

You let out a relieved sigh as you carefully peeled Joe’s hand off from your waist, quickly replacing it with a pillow so he wouldn’t feel the difference, and thankfully he didn’t. You walked into the bathroom, grabbed your clothes from last night, and quickly exited his room. You glanced back at him for a few seconds, taking note of the smile on his adorable face and his arms wrapped tightly around the pillow that he thought was your waist. 

“Man,” you whispered to yourself as you turned back around and made your way down the stairs. 

You waited by the door for Lydia as your mind was exploding with thoughts now that you were sober enough to process everything. What the hell happened last night? Was Joe just being the usual Joe because something felt different about his mannerisms, words, and attitude toward you the entire night? And even this morning, his arm was still around your waist and seemingly wasn’t planning on moving it. 

You heard a car pull up and peeked out the window, seeing that it was your bestie. “Thank fuck,” you sighed as you had to escape the scene. You don’t know what you would’ve said to him once he had woken up. Especially since you were 100% in your senses now. 

You quickly opened the door, softly shutting it on your way out. You ran over to her car and hopped inside without a second thought. 

“Damn, you’re in a rush,” she laughs as she locks the door after you shut it. 

“No rush. Just uhh, need to get home,” you say as you buckle your seatbelt.

“Whatever you say,” Lydia giggles as she puts the car in drive. “So how was it?” She asks. 

“How was what?” You say, raising your eyebrows.

“The sex, dummy,” she laughs.

“What?” You shriek as your eyes widen.

“Don't play dumb with me, Y/N. Is he as good in bed as he is on the field?”. 

You stare at her for a few quiet seconds before breaking out into a fit of laughter. 

“Oh my god,” you laugh as you lean forward. 

“Took you long enough. I’ve been saying this would happen for yeaaaars,” she boasts. “Why else would you need me to come to pick you up from Joe’s house at 8 am while you’re wearing what definitely is his t-shirt and I assume no shorts and just panties underneath?” She adds. 

“You’ve got it all wrong,” you wheeze. “I was super drunk last night from the Christmas party and he just brought me to his place,”. 

“Ahh, so drunken sex? Even better,” she teases as she winks at you.

“Lydia, we didn’t hook up,” you say, your laughter dying down. “He just gave me his shirt so I wouldn’t have to sleep in my outfit from the party,”. 

“Okayyy sure, but that still doesn’t explain why you ran out of his house so early in the morning and why he couldn’t take you home,” she said. 

“That’s a long story,” you say, taking a deep breath and falling back into your seat.

“We’ve got time,” she laughs.

“I don’t really know,” you breathe out, staring up at the ceiling of the car. “My sister mentioned the other day that I’m acting like Joe’s girlfriend and it just got me thinking,” you sigh. 

“Oh?” She says, a smile forming on her face.

“And last night was weird. I feel like he was being extra affectionate but I don’t know if that was just the alcohol in my system messing with me. And he was talking to me about how he hadn’t found the right girl yet, how he brings me everywhere and that’s why people think we’re dating, and how I’m his ‘permanent plus 1’ because he likes having me around,”. 

“Ohhhhh?” Lydia drags out, her face scrunching up as she tries to hold back from saying something about it.

“Don’t get too excited. I already knew that the general public thought that we were together, but I thought we were over that,”. 

“You won’t be able to get over that until you admit the truth. And the truth is that you like him. Like more than just a friend,” Lydia blurts out. “I see it, the public sees it, and I honestly think Joe sees it too,”. 

You stay silent for a few seconds, a little taken aback by her observation and not knowing how to respond to her since you can barely make sense of your feelings.

“Oh my god? You like him don’t you?!” She yells as she looks over at you.  

“I don’t knowwww,” you said. “There’s a lot of thoughts in my head right now and I don’t know what to think. I feel like he’s been acting differently around me, like more lovey-dovey differently but I don’t know if I’m reading into it too much,” you respond. 

“Okay, well what are the thoughts in your head saying?”.

“That I think I like him? Or still like him I guess. But I don’t know if he feels the same and I don’t wanna say anything because if he doesn’t, it’ll fuck up our friendship and I can’t lose him,” you say. 

“He’s so sweet and perfect. Joe knows me better than anyone and knows exactly how to cheer me up, calm me down, and make me have fun. I’ve never met anyone like him before and being by his side since day 1 has been a dream but also crazy. And the fact that he hasn't changed since we met is even more crazy. Even with all the money, fame, and attention, he's still Joe. My Joe," you smile. “The same adorable, nerdy, football player that was my lab partner in chemistry freshman year,”.

“Girl, you definitely love him,” your friend says, looking over at you with a straight face.

“Love?” You ask, your heart skipping a beat. 

“Yes, love. You’ve known each other since freshman year of college and if I’m not mistaken, those feelings have been there since then. You’re doing the same thing you did back then, letting your overthinking get in the way. You’re too afraid of losing him as a friend, but Y/N, what if he has the same feelings as you? This isn’t a matter of liking a boy, it’s a matter of you being in love with someone who you’ve had feelings for since you both met. That’s years and years of unanswered feelings that were being built up inside of you and spilling out right now,”. 

Were you in love with Joe? Have you been in love with him all this time? You find yourself smiling as you imagine you and Joe as a couple. Waking up to his adorable smile and sexy morning voice every day, going on cute little dates with him every week around town, kissing him good luck before every game, getting to curl up on the couch with him after every game, and talking about anything and everything together for hours on end without any limitations. It all sounded like a dream, a dream you wished was reality. 

Lydia looked over at your face, seeing you with a huge grin on your face and a blush creeping up on your cheeks.

“I knew it. You love him,” she says as she playfully shoves your shoulder. "There is a reason why none of your relationships work out. The person who you've been waiting for has been right in front of you this entire time,".

“Again, I don’t know,” you giggle. “I don’t wanna say anything to him because I don’t know if he feels the same way,”.

“I get that, I do. You don’t want to risk your friendship, but here’s my advice. Go with the flow. If something’s going to happen, it will. If nothing’s gonna happen, it won’t. Let things unfold naturally and if he’s there and waiting for you at the door, open it and never let him leave,” she says. “And I have a feeling that he’s gonna be at the door,” she adds. 

You spent a few seconds thinking about her advice. She was right, if you weren’t overthinking it and he really did feel the same way about you, he would be there. And if you were overthinking it, and he didn’t feel the same, you would accept it, bury those feelings for real this time, and keep the ball rolling.

You just had to wait and see.

To be continued! 

part 2

[blingblong55]

Did you care?- König

Part 1 is here

F!Reader, angst, no happy ending, cheating

"König!" you laugh, the waves of the warm summer ocean crashing against you. His family had invited you with them that summer, the first girl he ever brought home. He never told you that though. "Oh my Liebling." he laughs with you, taking you deeper into the ocean. It was then that he knew how strong love can be. Hours later, as you chased his little nieces and nephew along the shore, his family told him something he still remembers.

The accident, that is when you knew he still cared. At the age of 37, that is when he became a father to a woman he never loved. A car crash and stitches, that is what brought you to him. A father and a boyfriend, never to marry anyone else that isn't you, that is what made him a coward to his girlfriend's family. "R/N, König has gotten into a car accident." his mother called you around 2 am, her voice so tired and filled with fear. You dropped everything, including the late-night dinner you were having with your then-partner.

"Love, where are you going?" he questioned you. "A friend needs me, she...she broke up with her boyfriend and she needs me." The first of many lies you told to keep him safe. You didn't cheat but you lied to visit the guy you will always love. As you drove to the hospital, tears ran down your face. It was fear, regret and shame. "Hallo, ich muss einen Patienten finden-"

"R/N." his mother came rushing to you, tears on her face. You hugged her and walked with her to the waiting area. His father was there as well, you hugged him too and after minutes of breaks and cries, the story lay in your hands. The mother of his child ran away with his kid, he begged and cried for her to return. She lost their kid, got arrested and after a week of looking, he heard his child was found. One drunk driver, that is all it took to have you sit there, holding the hand of his forlorn mother. His child was under the custody of the police and he was in a grey room.

"You think you'll ever end up marrying me, R/N?" he looked over at you as you hung up decorations for Christmas. "I don't see myself ever marrying and there are times I fear of it. Just know this, I know I am meant for someone." He nods and keeps the ring in his pocket tucked away. "Yeah." was all he answered. You looked at him as he looked away at some decoration.

"For you, that is who I am meant for. I don't want a ring, a dress or a ceremony, I want this, this life you and I already have." you wished to say but those words never came out. Month after month you gave him clear clues that you wanted to be the one he lived with, old and grey.

You didn't even notice when his parents had gone to his room. You sat and stared at the white wall. The two years and a half that you spent trying to forget him all come crashing down. One phone call from his mother and you were there at his disposal. Many ask, what parts of life flash before someone as they near their possible death? For him it was you. The day at the beach, Christmas, the drunk karaoke, silly argument over movies. "Harry and Sally stayed together!" you protested. "Mein Liebling, Harry and Sally are two of the people I know will not make it to old age together. It was a kiss, maybe Sally left after that."

The one thing that he knew flashed before his eyes was the conversation at the beach years ago. Once you were let into his room, you sat by his bed. Parents out in the hallways, you held his hand. Fear was to die alone but this image was the current fear. Tears ran down your face, it didn't matter that he cheated years ago, that you two hadn't spoken since but what mattered was him now. You stoked his hair and kissed his forehead with trembling lips. Before, you couldn't stand him, but he was in this world alive and that brought you tranquillity. The thought of him no longer in it, that was the fear. Who cared if he moved on, he was alive, healthy and happy.

The muse to the blues you whistled, the kiss he gave you on the mysterious bruise, the cliche dance in the kitchen at midnight, and now you sit there, looking at his scarred face. You whispered for only him to hear, "That evening in December, when you were going to propose, I would've said yes, I was meant for someone, remember?" You stood up and walked out of the room. "R/N, will you stay?" His father asks. "I'm sorry, I have to meet someone early in the morning but keep me updated." You kissed his father's cheek and hugged his mother.

Meanwhile, König lay in that bed, eyes teary as he heard your confession. The ring he wanted to give you was on a chain that hung by his neck. Always to be by his heart. "Liebling." he whispers. "I want to marry you, over and over again." That is a promise two young lovers made.

"When we get old, you and I better retell the story of us," you say as you lay in the green grass. "And I will tell it to you every night," König spoke softly. "Every night," he holds your hand. "I will always tell you the story of how I met the greatest thing in my life." He smiles and sighs happily, "And I'll make you fall in love with me all over again." He meant every word, he wanted the spark of love between them to never die, for them to always be in love. "I'll always fall in love with you as if it was the first time, every single time." He cared, more than you'll ever know.

"You never let her go, my son." his mother sternly says. He sighs and looks over at you, his youngest niece hung by his arms, his nephew chasing you both. The giggles from the children and your laughter, yeah, he wants that life with you. "You think she'll want to?" he asks his parents. "If not today or in a year, I know she will." He looks at the ring and nods. "When I marry her, can you both please not give a long speech?" This caused his parents to laugh and nod a little.

Maybe the movies and all the news articles are right, in some universe, you and him are together. And in that universe, he has his three kids, a wife and the picket fence to his home. A home with you, two hearts that beat for the other. He cares.

Tags: @sunshiinegaz @liyanahelena

[imagine-that-100]

Will We Talk? | Part 4 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader | Being Katie Cook’s best friend means you see a lot of a certain band, so it’s too bad that the lead singer can’t seem to stand being in your presence. You’re all too aware that you get chatty when you’re anxious, and despite being around each other for a decade, Alex still makes your heart race (and not in a good way). But then he asks a question you never expected to hear, and it changes everything: “Do I make you nervous?”

Word Count: 18.2k

A/N: It's finally here oh my lord. Once again so sorry my writing takes so long these days but I'm so excited about this chapter. Thank you for the suggestions I got after I dropped the teaser, really appreciate all the help and it got my mind back into writing mode again. After this there's only one part left, but its going to be fun so don't fret. Really hope you enjoy this part, please let me know what you think. Thank you so so much for reading. Enjoy x

| My Masterlist | 

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

The run up to Christmas was fun. Fucking Alex every other day of the week had been a surprisingly needed stress relief that a month ago you would have never foreseen. Usually the run up to Christmas had you stressed for no reason in particular but this year with your stresses finally being relieved every other night it was so much better than other Christmas breaks you’ve had in a long time. 

Alex had certainly been making the most of your arrangement. It was him texting or calling you asking, “Are you free tonight?” Which may as well be directly translated to ‘Do you want to fuck me tonight?’. Every single time you said yes, not depriving yourself of such simple pleasures and it led to you having a very relaxed holiday season. 

And now Christmas is over and done with, you were excited for tonight’s New Year’s party. So much so that you couldn’t sit at home and just wait to get ready, you ended up texting Katie and asking her if you could help her set up and thankfully she said yes. 

For the past hour you’ve been listening to music and hearing the Cook's Christmas stories of Forest getting all excited when he opened each present. She showed you a couple of videos before Jamie took the little man out for the afternoon while you both got the house ready for tonight. 

Your catch ups are the best and you adore your best friend so much. The gossiping and the giggling never ceases and you’re forever finding new things to talk about, it’s a miracle you’ve not discovered everything there is to know about each other after a decade of being best friends. 

But it turns out there are some things you are yet to discover. Like a certain holiday that was being planned. 

“You’re coming on the impromptu trip away with us, right?” Katie asks, a little out of the blue as if she’s just remembering as she unpeels the Happy New Year banners from each other and handing one to you. 

“Depends, when?” You tell her, knowing the dates of this trip will be the deal breaker if you can go, “I’m back in work on the ninth, remember?”

You’ve joined the Cooks on impromptu trips away before, both with their family and their friends. You’re always invited, which you find thoughtful of Katie and knowing that these trips tend to be very random, you’d started saving money for such events so you didn’t find yourself missing out. The only time you denied yourself was when the trips clashed with work which you hope isn’t the case this time. 

“Oh, we come back on the seventh.” Katie grins, very pleased with what you’ve just said, “You’re coming.” 

“Yeah,” You find yourself giggling at her, knowing she probably wouldn’t take no for an answer anyway. You continue putting up the party decorations as you tell her, “Just let me know how much it is and I’ll scramble it together.”

“Oh no, Alex is paying for us all,” She tells you, as she seems to be having a hard time stretching the balloons out to start blowing them up, “You just need spending money.” 

You immediately frown hearing that, bluetacking the banner on the wall and turning towards your best friend to ask, “What?”

“Alex is paying.” She tells you, “It’s for his birthday. Has he not told you about it yet?”

“No, he’s not mentioned it.” You tell her. 

You figure it’s best to neglect mentioning how the singer only talks to ask how you are before he ends up saying the filthiest things into your ear as he fucks you senseless. Holidays and other things normal friends would talk about are not on the cards. 

He comes over. You fuck. He leaves. Interaction complete. 

“Oh well, he probably expected me to ask you.” Katie shrugs, not thinking much of it, “But yeah don’t worry about the money, he’s paying.”

You’ll see about that, you think as you continue helping your best friend decorate, putting the singer out of your head for the time being. 

~*~*~*~

I need to speak to you 

You text the singer as you’re walking home from Katie’s. You thought about just leaving it but you know if you keep what you're feeling bottled in it will just make you go back into your shell when you’re around him, and that’s the last thing either of you want. 

Thankfully those thoughts don’t have enough time to fester because about 2 minutes later Alex texts you back. 

Christ

Am I in trouble? x

His response makes you roll your eyes as you can practically hear him asking you. You know for a fact he will have snorted when he got the message through and when he typed that one back to you. So you keep him in limbo for a bit. 

You’re not funny 

Phone me when you’re free. 

Thankfully you’re not waiting for ages for the call. Your phone starts ringing as you turn the corner and head down your road. It’s a little embarrassing how excited you are to get back in your house for a bit and just relax until the party later. 

After greeting him, Alex gets straight to the point, “What’s up Y/N?”

“About this holiday,” You start, “Katie told me she wants me to come and I want to know how you feel about that before I start to spiral.”

You can already sense the panic in your chest as you feel like you’re at a bit of a stalemate. You don’t want to let Katie down but you’re also definitely not going to go if Alex wants a break from you. You don’t want to intrude on his holiday. Especially one that’s for his birthday. 

“Don’t spiral.” Alex begs, and you swear he’s also outside as you can almost hear the way he takes a drag of a cigarette before he says, “The last thing we need is you spiralling and questioning everything again.”

You can picture the smile tugging at his lips as he says that. So much so that him finding your panic amusing means that you silently want to scorn him. 

“I’m well aware of that.” You say a little bit too bluntly, so you attempt to soften the blow when you follow up with a rhetorical, “Why do you think I asked you to call me?”

Alex definitely mutes a laugh, covering it by him pretending to clear his throat. To make sure he doesn’t get himself into trouble he distracts you by asking, “What’s panicking you now?”

“The holiday.” You take a deep breath before you start to vent your worries, “Apparently it’s for your birthday, I don’t know if you want me there with what’s going on with us. The fact that you’re apparently paying... I don’t want you paying for me if I come.”

“I did tell Katie to invite you if she wanted to.” Alex reveals. 

“That’s not the point. Do you want me there?” You ask him directly, “I don’t want to intrude on a holiday that’s for your birthday.”

Alex takes a second to answer that, not because it’s a difficult answer but mostly because he wants to know, “If we weren’t sleeping together would you come?”

You think about it for a second and realise that you probably would, but not without speaking to him and asking Katie at least 30 times if you were actually welcome. Not to mention trying not to interact with him much when you were out there. And you certainly would not be allowing him to pay for you. 

“I still would have double checked with you first, or got Katie to. But that doesn’t matter, it’s different now,” You start talking about your reality again, “The dynamic has changed.”

“Y/N, we were friends anyway,” Alex sighs and you’re glad he can’t see the way your face contorted in disagreement. “The only thing that’s different this time is that we’ve seen each other naked.” 

You almost scoff. 

You’ve done a lot more than see me naked, sir. 

Feeling flustered at the memories of him fucking you flooding back to your mind, you just get back to the point, “So, do you want me there or not?”

And you listen to his response as you unlock your front door and get into your house. Feeling the absence of the chill from outside makes the singers answer all the more bearable. 

“I just want you to do whatever you want to. You can come and have a holiday. I don’t expect anything from you if that’s what you’re worried about.” Alex says sincerely, before adding, “And I am paying.”

“I don’t want you to pay Alex,” You whine like a child not getting their own way. But you add honestly, “It makes me uncomfortable.”

And it’s not even just because you’re fucking him, although that is your main concern. It’s the fact that you’ve barely known him properly before now (and you still wouldn’t say you were all that close in any way but physically), you can’t in your right mind let him spend thousands on a skiing holiday for you.  

“Y/N, I didn’t invite you to make you feel uncomfortable.” The singer sighs, feeling like you should know this already. 

He’s not ever excluded you from something before and he’s certainly not about to start doing so now. And he’s not letting you pay for yourself when everyone else who is coming is paid for already. Christ, he doesn’t really know why this is even a conversation when everything has already been sorted and paid for in advance. 

You feel like you’re whining when you again admit, “I know that’s not the intention but I still feel it Alex.”  

“Well, it’s up to you.” Alex shrugs, hoping to convey how much he’s unbothered by the fact he’s paying for a holiday, but he doesn’t want to pressure you. “You’re very welcome to come and I’m paying for everyone, not just you.”

“But-“ You start but then stop yourself. 

Alex immediately questions, “But what?”

He would rather know what’s going on in your head rather than be left guessing. He needs to know how best to reassure you otherwise you both will just regress. And he doesn’t think that wanting for your honesty is too much to ask.

You can’t bring yourself to say it. So you just leave him with silence. 

But that silence speaks volumes. 

“You worried that if I pay for you to come I’m expecting you to shag me?” A few beats of silence pass and as you don’t dismiss him entirely, he already knows it to be true. His question is entirely rhetorical, “That’s it, isn’t it?”

You can’t even confirm it for him. It’s embarrassing to admit, but that is a worry of yours. 

“Y/N.” Alex sighs, knowing he’s right because of your silence. “I don’t expect anything from you, you know that right? You can come away with us and we don’t have to do anything.”

“It’s not compulsory, even when we’re home. Y/N/N, you’re Katie’s best friend, you’ve been around for ten years.” He backs up his point some more, “You came on the last holiday we went on, this is going to be no different to that. My birthday just happens to fall on a day whilst we’re there.” 

“You didn’t pay for me last time Al.” You argue in a slight huff, already feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle. 

“Hey, listen to me.” Alex persists, “I’m paying for everyone to come, not just you, and I’m not expecting a huge orgy all week.” 

You can help the laugh that escapes your lips at that. It’s a full giggle that the singer can’t help but grin at as he takes another drag of his cigarette. 

“There’s that laugh.” He hums, enjoying the sound even more purely because it’s him that’s caused it. 

Only after your laughter subsides, do you ask, a lot calmer now, “Are you sure you want me there?” 

“Yes, sweet.” Alex assures you. And just to convince you some more, he adds, “I need someone to entertain Mrs Cook when I pull Jamie away for a pint anyway. Think you fit the brief.” 

“Ah yeah, I think I could do that for you.” You chuckle a little, but then you’re serious in a soft tone, “I still feel bad that you’re paying though Alex. Skiing holidays are a lot of money.”

“I have a lot of money that I’ll never need.” The singer tells you, and you try not to think about the way anxiety in your chest dissipates when he says, “I’d rather treat my friends to a week away.”

You're his friend. Something so simple shouldn’t make your heart swell. Especially when the other night he tongue fucked you until you came, twice. 

“Well I’m buying you food and drinks whilst we’re away then.” You counter, finally readying yourself to admit defeat. 

“We’re going all inclusive but thanks.” You can almost hear Alex’s smirk. 

You sigh, dropping down onto your settee and leaning back to try and get comfy, “Well I’m assuming we won’t be staying in the hotel for your birthday. They’ll be pubs and cafes I’m sure.” 

He counters, “I’ll take a drink at the airport before we go.” 

“Okay deal.” You accept but know you’ll find ways to do more than just that, “Thank you Alex. You really don’t have to do this.”

“Well I want to.” Alex smiles, and his tone is full of amusement as he says, “And I can’t have you spiralling.”

You hum in a silent laugh at that and let your eyes close as you take a deep breath. You’re about to tell him that it’s just how you are but you’re okay now you’ve spoken about it. But he takes your attention again. 

“You know that this goes both ways right, Y/N/N?” You’re about to ask him what he’s on about until he continues, “If I text you asking to come over, you can say no and I’m not going to be offended by it. I understand that it’s not going to happen every time.” 

He’s talking about fucking you. And trying to make you feel more at ease about your situationship. 

Alex finishes off by saying, “I just ask on the off chance that you’re up for it.”

“I am always up for it.” Are the words that slip from your lips, and when you realise what you’ve said, your eyes shoot open. 

Oh my god woman, you sound so needy. Backtrack now. Now!

You sit up as you begin to pathetically backtrack, “Well. I mean, I- when you say you are, I, I- usually am too.”

“Good to know you’re always up for me, sweet,” You can hear Alex's smirk then, but thankfully he doesn’t tease you more for it he just carries on to say, “It seems like I’m texting you all the time asking to come over but you can text me. You’re allowed to get horny too.” 

You try and fail not to flush at hearing him say that. Especially when you can feel the ghost of his touch as you’re sitting on the settee he had you ride him on a week ago. 

“Alex, you’re over twice a week, if not more... It’s not like I’m without relief for long.” To drive the point home you say, “It’s not a ten month wait again.”

In your little meetings you’d discussed when you’d both last been with someone else. Yours was a guy you were seeing at the beginning of the year who turned out to just not do it for you after you dated him for a few months. 

Alex’s last fling was another rebound of his after the French girl he cheated on Taylor with. Turns out Alex hadn’t been with anyone in the last 5 months which did surprise you a little. But who are you to presume he’d just become a slag after his break up? 

“Still. We started this for a reason.” Alex drives the point home, wanting you to fully understand, “You can say no and you can call me whenever you want too.” 

You nod even though he can’t see you, “I know.”

“Maybe this holiday can just be the friends you’re so persistent we’re not.” 

You frown, confused, “What?”

“Your rule, ‘no sex while we’re away’.” Alex smirks, but he’s sincere when he says, “To make you feel more comfortable. 

“I don’t wanna seem like a prude Alex I just don’t…” You fail to continue your sentence, Wanna seem like a prostitute. 

“I think of all people, I’m not the one who’s going to think of you as a prude, sweet.” The singer can't help but tease, finding himself funny. 

You take a deep breath, trying not to let your amusement or embarrassment show, “So where are we going?”

“The Alps.” The singer tells you almost smugly, “Where else?”

You decide that you may as well ask him for the details if he’s sorting everything out, “When do we go?”

“Early morning of the second, we need to be at the airport for like four.” He tells you after a moment of thought. 

You hum, finally letting the excitement for a holiday bubble in your stomach, “Okay.”

Alex is smiling already hearing you finally sound at ease about the holiday, but he can’t help but push his luck a little more, “You free tonight, sweet?”

“No and neither are you,” You almost laugh, the amusement clear in your voice, “We’ve got Katie’s New Year’s party.”

Alex is grinning as he comes back with, “I mean at like three in the morning.”

“You’re a horny fuck.” You can’t help but tell him as you shake your head. 

You’re entirely unable to stop your face from flushing, making you very grateful he can’t see you. All you hope is he’s picturing you with a completely unbothered yet 

“You’re the one that just said you’re always up for me.” Alex counters and you have to bite your tongue. 

Idiot Y/N. 

“See you later Alex.” You immediately dismiss him, not wanting his teasing right now. 

Alex laughs loudly, “See you later sweet.”

~*~*~*~ January 2nd 2019 ~*~*~*~

The Alps are absolutely mesmerising and you could stare at the snow covered mountains for days. The trip was certainly worth every single ounce of effort and you know you’ll be eternally grateful to Alex for him bringing you all here. 

You’re sure when you first got here you looked like a child in a toyshop. The views are absolutely stunning and you know for a fact that your jaw was agape as you took in the breathtaking scenery around you. 

So much so that Alex turned you towards him at one point and pushed your jaw back up and quietly teased, “Don’t let anyone else see those pretty lips parted like that, don’t want people getting ideas.”

Needless to say, you flushed hearing that and Alex wasn’t subtle about the way he let his smirk take over his face. And then he left you hanging, sauntering off to join Miles, Nick, and Jamie walking just in front of you, leaving you to catch up with Katie, Kristen, and Flo who all joined you for the holiday. 

Alex leaving you like this hadn’t been the only time since you’d woken up early today though. He’d been a tease since he picked you up to take you to the airport, asking if you’d recovered from the previous nights activities where he all but folded you into a pretzel and fucked you until you came on his cock. 

That wasn’t the beginning or end of your antics after the party, he’d teased you at Katie’s party, getting you in the mood and ready for him when he pulled you to a quieter bit of the party and pushed you against the wall to kiss you, taking away any sense but him. And he did it every time to leave you wanting more only for him to pull away and leave you to your own devices for a while. 

So you were desperate when it got to 3am and he was practically pulling you down the road so you could get back to your house. And he certainly did show you a good time until you practically passed out from the exhaustion. 

You woke up late the next morning to a glass of water and some painkillers on your bedside table along with a note that read, Hope you’re not too sore sweet x

It wasn’t hard to guess he probably felt a hint of guilt how far you’d both gone the night before. In the heat of the moment he said somethings about him wanting you to remember him, the feel of him inside you, over the week that you were both away. 

He kept making you regret the no sex on holiday rule. Alex kept saying how you'd be begging him to take you when you got back home, how you’d not be able to walk properly by the time he’d finished with you after a week of not touching him the way he knows your filthy mind craves him.

You're ashamed to admit that your thoughts about him are sometimes so dirty they belong down the gutter. He’d certainly made a good job of having you long for him. 

You try not to admit to yourself that you crave him. That when he decided that he was the one that was going to be sitting next to you on the plane and not Flo, you were happy. Not because you had any issue with Flo, no she was such an amazing friend to you, but because it was Alex. And he wanted to sit beside you. 

The little shit that he was though teased you the whole journey. You were still tired so when you sighed and closed your eyes once you’d relaxed after the take off, Alex whispered into your ear, “Did I work you too hard sweet?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” You say as you feel yourself flush knowing he was to do with your fatigue. 

You slept in a little on New Year’s Day after you’d taken the painkillers he’d left out for you, but then your day was spent packing for this trip, figuring out what you’d need and calling Katie to double checking on if you’d need going out clothes and doing a checklist of the skiing things you actually own. 

By the time you went to bed it was 11pm and that was far later than you should have been going to sleep because you had to be up at 3am to get ready. So it was do to Alex fucking you hard and long enough on New Years and the fact you had so little sleep last night that you were tired on the plane. 

Next, he’s disturbing your attempt at sleep by him putting his hand on your thigh and leisurely trailing his hand up and down, mixed with him occasionally squeezing. He keeps an eye on your reaction to him, you going stiff for a few seconds and him taking great pleasure in saying, “I’ve done worse than putting my hand on your thigh, sweet.”

“Not in public or daylight.” You huff and try to get yourself comfy enough to get sleepy. 

Looking out of the window just has you mesmerised so after a few minutes you just end up looking around the plane. It's just you and Alex sitting beside each other and for some reason you’re not all that close to your friends. 

Katie, Kirsten, and Flo are all on one row, about 4 seats ahead of you, and Miles, Jamie, and Nick are on the row behind them. You’ve got no idea why you’re so far away from them with the gap of strangers in front of you, but you guess things could be worse. You could be sitting alone or worse, you could be at home feeling like you’re missing out. 

There’s a stranger beside Alex so you’re glad you took the window seat and the views of sun rising through the clouds were amazing. You genuinely wish you weren’t as tired as you were so you could appreciate them fully. 

Instead you’re feeling uncomfortable and whichever way you lean your head isn’t helping you relax. If it's against the wall of the plane you can feel the vibrations, just leaning back does nothing to help and if you do fall asleep like that you’re not risking possibly snoring because your jaw is hanging open, and if you let your head fall forward that’s not good for your posture, not to mention painful. 

Maybe it’s you wriggling in your seat that gives you away, considering his hand is still on your thigh, but Alex seems to pick up on your discomfort easily. 

“You can lean on me to go to sleep, you know?” Alex tells you with a smile, nodding down to his shoulder just beside you. 

“What,” You hold back your sigh but let him know that you’re not all that impressed with his offer after his previous antics, “So you can just try to wake me up even more?” 

“Come on sweet.” Alex chuckles, rubbing your thigh again before squeezing it. “Not my fault you’re not finding it relaxing.”

Pretending that him gripping your thigh didn’t give you flashbacks to the other night, you keep your voice quiet as you raise your eyebrows accusingly, “Because you’re trying to be a tease.”

“And it’s working.” Alex smirks, clearly knowing whatever your tells are by now, he gestures to the back of the plane, “Wanna go to the bathroom?” 

Its a mixture of shock and being entirely unimpressed that has you asking, “Are you kidding?”

“Absolutely not.” Alex grins, holding his chuckle as he asks, “We’re not on holiday yet, technically. We could go again if you're not feeling satisfied enough before we land?” 

You don’t dignify him with an answer, you just shake your head and look away from the tease. While the thought of him fucking you and you having to be quiet because others are around seems like quite the thrill, the mere thought of doing so in a public aeroplane has you wanting gag. 

“What?” Alex fakes his hurt, nonchalantly following up with, “I know you can get horny just after you’ve woken up.”

Your head whips back to him, narrowing your eyes as you scold, “You’re being loud.” 

He wasn’t. His voice was just above a whisper. But the mere fact you were on a plane with the possibility of anyone around you eavesdropping has you getting all embarrassed and flustered in an instant.

“Sorry,” Alex barely holds back his grin. “I’ll be subtle about it when I take you in the bathroom.”

Instead of scowling, you lean your head back on the seat, close your eyes, and take a deep breath so you don’t end up smacking him. Taking a few seconds to calm your anxiousness down and try not to let his joking get you too embarrassed when you know he isn’t trying to be malicious, you just stay like that silently. 

But Alex disturbs your peace, “You don’t have to think about it so intently Y/N/N, we can just do it.”

“No.” You look at him again, and say even quietly to try and further your point, “Not to mention everyone would see.”

Alex can’t help but take that though as you just don’t want to right now. In such a public setting. That’s not you saying that you’d never be ready to join the mile high club.

“Oh okay, remind me to take you on a private jet.” Alex squeezes your thigh again, before winking, “They mind their business on those.” 

You’re lost for words for a brief moment. Taking in exactly what that means, and you end up half frowning. 

“Way to persuade me.” You scoff, “Telling me you’re already in the mile high club.” 

Sarcasm is thick in your voice as you say, “Such a turn on.”

The singer can’t help but smirk though, “Don’t be jealous now, sweet.” 

After that, Alex seems to give you a break from his endless torment. He takes his hand from your thigh as he reaches down to his bag by his feet and takes out the word search book he bought himself in WHSmiths at the airport. Finally you feel like you can relax and sleep for the remainder of the 2 hour flight. 

Or you hoped so anyway, but it seems the vibrations of the plane's wall just wanted you conscious. So it was with a huff you leant back against the headrest once more. 

“Just,” Alex sighs and he picks his hand up to cup the side of your face to gently push your head on his shoulder. 

Instant comfort was an understatement compared to the wall and the seat. But you still felt weird about it. 

You tell him with a sigh, “I don’t want to annoy you.”

“You don’t annoy me at all, Y/N/N.” He dismisses immediately, paying you no more attention after saying, “Go to sleep.”

And so you did. You got a good hour’s sleep and you think it was only when the plane started to make a steady descent that your body woke you up as a result of the decrease in altitude. But you woke up gently and slowly, and you realised you were still on Alex’s shoulder long before you opened your eyes. 

You found yourself not wanting to move. The woody scent of his aftershave leaves you in a little trance all the time and you never want to bring yourself out of it. So you just blinked your eyes open slowly and told your body not to even twitch to give away that you were awake. 

And Alex didn’t notice because you now see he’s entirely too engrossed in his book. Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre.

A true classic, you can’t help but tiredly smile as you see he’s about to get to one of your favourite bits of the book. You following pretty easily for a few pages because he’s holding the book open practically as far as it can go (you’re so tired you can find it in yourself to shudder at the fact the book will definitely have a cracked spine) in one hand, and you only noticed when he turned the pages that his other had gone back to gently resting on your thigh.

Everything is good for about 5 minutes, but then the singer started reading too fast for you at one of your favourite bits, so you end up having to say a quiet, “Go back,” 

“What?” You feel Alex turn his head towards you a little, his jaw gently nudging your head but you don’t make a single effort to move.

“Hadn’t finished the page,” You tell him and Alex can’t help but smile as he turns the page back for you.  

His only indication that you’re ready to move on is the slight nod of your head and Alex even angles the book towards your direction a little more so you can both read. He smiles at the way you haven’t attempted to move from his shoulder at all, seemingly quite comfy. 

You both continue reading together for the next few pages until the same thing happens again where Alex turns the page too soon. This time you whine a little as you whisper, “Too fast.”

“Not had you complain about my speed before.” Alex can’t help but tease when the opportunity is right there for the taking, but all it earns him is a poke in his side which makes him jump and he just about peers down at you seeing you smiling victoriously.

After this you fall into a rhythm of you nodding slightly when you're ready for him to turn the page. It doesn’t bother Alex at all, no it's the opposite, he finds you endearing that you’re both enjoying his book and reading it at the same time. 

The both of you become entirely engrossed in Jane Eyre’s world that you barely even acknowledge that the plane is just about ready to land. It’s only when the air hostess’ voice fills the plane as they announce over the tannoy that you’d be landing shortly, does Alex close the book. 

At the same time you reluctantly pick your head up from his shoulder, Alex offers as he taps the book, “Can borrow it after me if you want?” 

“I’ve already read it, I just love that part you’re on.” You hum, smiling at him in earnest, “Thank you though.”

And both of you know you’re not just saying thank you for that offer, but thank you for allowing you to fall asleep on him. 

The transfer to the resort even had you in awe. But when you got to the hotel and you entered your room, you were blown away by your view. 

The white mountains are stunning and you were so glad you brought your camera. This was something you definitely didn’t want to ever forget. 

The air felt like ice on your skin as you took your pictures, the bitter cold making you want to jump into the private hot tub you have on your balcony. 

You restrain yourself, saving that for later, you opt for a hot shower to settle you after that flight and you end up falling asleep in the warmest queen sized bed. 

You all meet downstairs a few hours later where you get some food and decide that you’re going to all get ready to hit the slopes, you all opting for the red runs for today. They were so much fun and with you skiing, you just find yourself in awe of Flo on her snowboard flying past you all. 

It’s a fun few hours, with you all stopping half way down the slope at one of the cafes on the mountain where you all have a hot coffee, and the lads follow it up with a beer. The lads head off before the rest of you, wanting to be speed demons and race down the rest of the way which you’re all fine with. 

You know Flo will inevitably end up beating them down anyway. Which she of course did. 

Before you set off though, you girls decide that after dinner you’re all going to have a little hot tub party. So that’s how you’re now sinking in the hot tub on your balcony, Katie already in after beating you to being the first. 

You just laugh at her rushing in there to beat you, as you take off your hotel dressing gown to reveal your dark green bikini. Katie says she loves the colour of yours as you glance back around at her and tell her you adore her maroon one. 

But it’s when you step into the tub that Katie gasps, loud enough for you to pause as you stand in the pool of bubbling water. 

“What are they?” Katie points to your thighs with wide eyes. 

Your bruised beyond belief thighs. Dark, almost purple bruises that litter the tops of your thighs which were left by the mouth of the singer next door. 

“Y/N!” Katie yells, her jaw dropped as she looks at the assault on your skin, “What the fuck?” 

“Katie, stop looking at me.” You get all flustered and embarrassed so you're about to sit down, but your best friend grabs your hips to stop you so she can look at the dark marks for longer. 

“Oh my fucking god.” She shakes her head, too shocked by the sheer amount of them. “It’s hard not to when you have those on your thighs Y/N!”

“Please stop, can we just pretend you didn’t see them.” You pry yourself out of her grip and finally immerse yourself into the hot water, loving the chill dissipating from your body. 

“No, I want the gossip.” Katie grabs her glass of prosecco you’d poured her and left on the side of the tub along with yours and the other girls that were meant to be coming shortly. “How’s it been going between you two?” 

“Fine.” You nod with a coy smile as you reach for your glass. 

Your best friend shakes her head, “I’m not settling with fine.” 

“It’s good.” You take a long sip of your drink, knowing you’ll need it if you’re having this conversation, “I guess he keeps me on my toes.”

“In what way?” She prys. 

You think about how to word your feelings for a second. The sound of the jets humming in the cold air fills the brief silence until you end on, “I’m still not used to having a booty call or being one. I still get a text off him and it throws me... He still makes me nervous.”

“That’s good though.” Katie hums and nods, “He’d be boring if he didn’t make you nervous.”

“Yeah, I guess.” You nod in agreement. 

But your best friend enquires, “He’s not making you nervous in general now, right? Just when he comes on to you?”

“No, it's a lot better.” You explain honestly, sinking into the water a little more. “But I’m still not at ease if that makes any sense. I still find him difficult to read.”

“That just comes with time.” Katie nods, understanding you entirely, “When you start spending more time with him, you’ll figure it out.”

“Well that doesn’t really happen,” You mumble a little but seeing as she heard you and noting that sparkle in her eye for the gossip, you explain, “He sort of just shows up and we fuck and then he leaves.”

Katie frowns a little at that though, “Thought he took you out?”

“That was just until I felt more comfortable around him. We’ve not carried that on.” You almost cringe when you say, “We’re just shagging now.”

“And how’s that going?” Your best friend smirks, “The bruises seem like a good sign.”

You sigh, “Yeahhh.” taking another sip of your drink. 

“What was that sigh for?” She calls you out. 

You try to pass it off immediately, “Nothing.”

But she’s not having any of it, “S’not nothing, come on.”

“He was just a tease on the plane but he’s doing it on purpose.” Your cheeks heat up a bit as you tell her. 

“Getting you ready for later.” She grins and gives you some teasing suggestive eyes herself. 

You gently shake your head, “I don’t think so.”

“Oh?” Katie raises her eyebrows, “What does that mean?”

Oh fuck. 

“Don’t make me explain Katie.” You pout. 

She pushes you, “Come onnnn.”

You just sigh in defeat and say, “We’re not doing that right now.”

“Excuse me?” Your best friend is now even more confused. 

“You heard me Kate.” You sigh, closing your eyes not wanting to explain yet another of your stupid thoughts to her. 

For clarity’s sake she has to ask, “Weren’t you with him twice last week?”

“We shagged on Boxing Day and then the 28th and New Years.” You tell her. 

And it occurs to you that you’ve probably not been this active on a regular basis since you were in your late teens. Either you or Alex clearly has the sex drive of a teenager and with the state of your thighs, you think it’s more likely Alex. 

Glancing at the bruises again you can almost feel the ghost of his mouth there. You fall into the daze of remembering the way his lips attacked the tops of your thighs as he fingered you to edge you, not letting you finish until you were begging to have his tongue instead.  

He toyed with you, saying his mouth was already on you, sucking your thighs that bit more before biting them making you whine. But you were desperate to have him eat you out. Have his tongue tease and flick your clit in the way he knows makes you lose your mind. 

And he wouldn’t give in. Not until you were on the edge for the third time, right on the verge of getting bratty with him and making the right decision he compensated by eating you out until you came twice on his tongue. And the way he fucked you afterwards, god, you wish-

“And he’s not touched you since?” Katie’s question shocks you back to reality. 

You blink a few times, and shake your head, “No.” 

She smirks, almost trying to hide it behind her glass, “I bet you’re losing your mind.”

“I feel like it.” You hum, nodding. 

Katie asks, fully ready to big you up to go and knock on his door after your girls prosecco party, “Don’t you want him to touch you?”

“I want nothing more at the minute.” You tell her honestly, “But we’re not doing it until after the holiday.”

She frowns, completely confused, “Why?”

Surely on holiday is on of the best places to fuck? Why wouldn’t you be doing that? Katie can’t help but think. 

“Because he knew I felt uncomfortable about him paying for me to come and I was worried he’d expect something from me.”

“Y/N.” Her face falls and then she gently scorns you, “He’s not like that.”

“I know he isn’t Katie. But you know how my mind works. It worries me.” You shrug, not really being able to help it. 

“Well I thi-“ Katie starts but is interrupted by Florence appearing at the door of your balcony. 

“Hey,” You grin, very thankful for the conversation being cut short. 

Hopefully never to be brought up again. 

“Flo,” Katie smiles and waves her over, “Come in.”

The gorgeous woman walks out and hangs her dressing gown up before running to the tub to escape the chilly air. After commenting on how much both you and Katie like her black, glittery bikini, the artist asks you both, “What were we talking about?”

You try to think of something quickly to change the subject entirely but your best friend gets in there first and grins, “Just how Y/N/N is sleeping with Alex now and she’s seeing if she can go the holiday without.”

You might drown yourself in this hot tub. Can you get any more embarrassed today? 

Flo’s smile is huge as her head whips around to you in shock. You can tell she’s happy for you, presumably for Alex too, but she shocks you when she tells you, “Don’t deny yourself the pleasure.”

You’re so beyond confused by that statement until Katie’s eyes go wide as she gasps, “Fuck, I always forget about you two.”

You blink a few times as you hear her tell Katie that it’s understandable she’d forget because it was before her and Jamie got together. But you’re still in shock, you have to get the clarification, “You and Alex?”

You hope it doesn't sound like you’re annoyed because you’re not, no one even Alex has to tell you anything about this and clearly Flo just found out about yours and her ex’s rendezvous. You’re just confused, clearly Katie forgot but you’ve not even heard any jokes about it or any mention of it before now. 

“Yeah, a long time ago.” Flo nods and is quick to explain as she grabs her glass of prosecco. “Lost our virginities to each other back in college, but started seeing him years later.”

She continues to explain with a roll of her eyes, “But the idiot was seeing me at the same time as Alexa back on their Favourite Worst Nightmare tour so I held my tongue for about a week until I blew up and called him out in front of all the lads…” She adds quickly, “It got ugly.”

It makes your chest go tight. He did that to one of his best friends years ago, and he did to his girlfriend of three years last year. 

You're sincere when you say, “I’m so sorry.”

You feel almost embarrassed to be sleeping with him now. Especially when you’d consider Flo a friend of yours, even before this trip, when you spoke to her about her artwork that she creates at various parties you’ve both attended. She’d always been lovely to you and made you feel entirely at ease. 

And now you’re sleeping with her ex. You need the ground to open up and swallow you whole. 

“Don’t be, it worked out well in the end.” It seems that the artist can’t keep the smile off her face as she finishes her story, “I went to Manchester and Matty and my cousin, Adam, got me through it. And when the time was right and I was healed, Matty asked me out and now we’ve been together for a decade.” Her grin is huge as she proudly tells you, “Married for three and a half years.”

It’s impossible to not be happy for her, her love for her husband shining through so brightly. But you can’t help but ask her, “Why are you still friends with him? Alex, I mean.” 

You can’t imagine anyone betraying your trust that much and being close friends with them years later. 

“Oh, it took a long while and a lot of grovelling on his part. But after two years of barely speaking to him, and with how happy I was with Matty, I forgave Al and now we get on like nothing ever happened.” Flo explains, “I see the other lads too often to let it continue for a lifetime of awkwardness.”

She’s a better person than you. You could never. 

You think out loud. “The lads didn’t know he was two timing you?” 

“No,” She shakes her head, taking a sip of her drink before saying, “They were as shocked as me when Alexa showed up. Only Miles knew, and covered for him.” 

You shake your head, seeing Miles in a completely different light now. But you guess if you’re judging Alex by how he’s only been with you, you have to do the same with Miles. 

“You’re too good. I would never forgive either of them for that.” Katie gives her two cents on the situation. 

“I’ve been told that a lot. By Alex himself too... But despite last year's shit show, he has changed.” Flo assures you, but then smirks, “So enjoy him, queen.”

You sink into the water a bit more, entirely awkward about the way both women are smirking at you. 

“Don’t be embarrassed. He’s good.” Flo giggles, “God only knows that if I didn’t call him out to everyone I would have a hard time choosing between him and Matty.” 

You’re glad she’s such a lovely person and she eases you entirely. 

“Good job you’re married then.” You joke, which makes Katie also spit out her drink laughing and Flo giggles before clinking her prosecco glass with yours. 

“You should see her thighs.” Your best friend laughs. 

You shoot her the dirtiest look, “Katie!”

~*~*~*~ 

Thankfully by the time Kristen arrived the subject of you and Alex had long since been dropped. 

Flo saw your thighs and she told you about how she thinks the man will never truly grow up because he left lots of love bites on her boobs when they lost their virginities, and mercifully after that, the subject moved away and the four of you are now just chilling and listening to your a playlist that’s blaring through your phone. 

You were all giggling at nothing in particular when you got startled by two men at the balcony door. Alex and Jamie come outside in their trunks and Jamie is the one to scoff, “You all thought you could have a party without us.”

Jamie practically jumps in and sits himself down between Flo and Katie, but your attention is drawn to Alex who sinks in beside you and you half find yourself wanting to scurry over to Katie. 

He looks too good. Last time you’d seen him shirtless you were drunk and your memory hazy, but he looks so fucking good and his toned abdomen and his trunks low enough for you to clearly see that V line down to- Stop. 

Stop. 

Thankfully Alex doesn’t seem to notice the way you get a little bit more tense with him beside you. Instead he immediately asks Flo, “How’s Matty, angel?” 

“Yeah he’s good, thanks Shakespeare.” Flo smiles, and despite not understanding her nickname for him, you happily listen in to distract yourself. 

Maybe it’s to do with the Macbeth reference in If You Were There, Beware? You can’t help but wonder. Maybe you’ll ask her later. 

The singer can’t help but ask curiously, “Why didn’t he join us again?” 

“Tour rehearsals.” The artist informs him, “His UK tour starts on the ninth.”

“Fair enough,” Alex nods, clearly completely understanding the situation Flo’s husband finds himself in. “I’m glad we aren’t back on the road till late Feb now.” 

“Bet you are.” Flo smiles at him but when he tunes into Jamie’s conversation, her eyes flick to you and she smirks. 

You sink even further into the water. 

Despite Alex now being beside you, you try not to let your nervous energy take over.  No, instead you carry on as normal and have some of the funniest conversations with the people around you. You’re only thrown off when you realise that an old Arctic Monkeys song comes on through your phone and your eyes go wide when Jamie sighs, “I haven’t heard this song in so long.” 

Immediately, you tense hearing the guitar and drums at the start of Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts. Fuck, this is why you don’t normally have your music on around Katie, so you don’t have this awkward interaction.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise it was in this playlist.” You say, immediately turning to reach for your phone.

Liar. You feel Alex’s eyes screaming at you, as he looks amused at the fact you like his music, as if he already didn’t know. 

“Keep it on.” Jamie tells you, and you hesitate for a split second feeling Alex’s eyes on you until his friend continues to say, “Complete nostalgia of playing it at yours Al.” 

“Yeah, it’s a gooden.” Alex smiles.

“Who was this one even about Al?” Flo asks, entirely amused, thankfully stealing the singer's attention away from you so he doesn’t see you starting to fidget, really not wanting the song to stay on.

Your knee is twitching, your foot tapping on the floor of the jacuzzi like you can’t sit still at all. Thankfully the water and the bubbles will be enough to stop you from being noticed though.

“Just that girl I fancied back in Year 11.” Alex explains, “She was in your English lessons, I think she was called-“

If you were to tell the story again, you wouldn’t have been able to name the girl at all. Just that Alex really liked her in school and never got the courage to ask her out and then some guy who was in the year above them in school ended up going out with her. 

The conversation moved on and easily past that and your awkwardness about the man you’re sleeping with catching you having his song on your playlist eases off. But then, about 10 minutes later, it happens again. 

“Fuck my life,” You whisper immediately reaching to grab your phone this time. 

Because this is so much worse. 

It’s not just that Piledriver Waltz has started to play. It’s even more embarrassing that it's the Submarine soundtrack version of the song, it’s just Alex. Not even Arctic Monkeys.  

“Didn’t know you enjoyed my music this much, sweet.” Alex can’t help but once again tease you. Finding your reactions too entertaining not to. 

The panic in your eyes when the first Monkey's song came on, but the way you swore under your breath at this one just made him want to burst out laughing. You look absolutely mortified, and clearly not wanting to get any extra teasing from himself or your friends which you were likely expecting.

But Alex isn’t one to disappoint. So of course he teased you. 

You can’t help but narrow your eyes at him, “In the nicest possible way, fuck off.” Before you quickly look for a playlist that is safe and doesn’t have any of his songs on there. 

“It’s all good Y/N.” Alex smirks, “It’s good to know I’m doing something right.”

His hand comes to rest on your thigh to stop your leg from tapping. You swallow, stopping your movements and taking a deep breath to not let it get to you that the others could see his hand on your thigh. Although you’d rather them see his hand there than the bruises he’s left. 

Thankfully the bubbles disguise it from everyone else and no one comments, but just as you ask, “What album do you want to listen to?” Miles and Nick turn up at your door with more alcohol in their hands and everyone beckons them in. 

Which is an issue for you because the hot tub is probably only meant to have 4 people in it at the most and now there’s 8 of you. So you’re unsure why it’s you and Kirsten that have drawn the short straws, but you’ve both been pulled into the laps of who you’re sleeping with. But one second you were seated closely beside Alex, and now you’re sitting on his lap, your arm having to go over his shoulder so you don't slip off as you lean into him a little. 

Kirsten and Nick, you understand, they are married. Flo not sitting in Miles’ lap, you again understand because they aren’t together. What you don’t understand is why Katie isn’t on her husband's lap when they are married and have a child. But you, who has been sleeping with this man for less than a month, has been pulled onto his lap to make more room for everyone. 

All of a sudden you feel like you’re holding your breath and can’t relax. After being submerged in the warm water for so long, most of your top half being exposed to the crisp air makes you chilly and your thighs feel far too close to the surface of the water so you feel your hands in your lap to try and disguise the bruises. 

Thankfully one of Alex’s arms comes to rest across your thighs too and he holds your thighs again. And you can’t help slipping back into that little daydream of yours. 

Of the way he pried your thighs open, as if you weren’t already willing and dripping for him. As if you weren’t begging him to eat you out anyway. And when he finally gave into your demands his fingers only dug into your skin more, holding you open entirely at his mercy. 

And when he worked you up and up until he had your back arching and his name caught in your throat as you pulled harshly on his hair. He kept going, eating up everything you had to give him until you were writhing beneath him entirely overstimulated. 

After he blissfully tortured you like that, he kissed his way up your body until you could taste yourself on his tongue. And that only lead to him fucking you till you could barely move. His cock made you see stars when he hooked his arms under your legs and moved them closer to your chest. 

The pleasure he drove into you over and over was blinding, you saw white when you came. The only thing you can remember is the way Alex groaned into your ear when you clenched around him and the way he moaned when you tugged on his sweaty hair. And the way he bit your shoulder when he got his release not a minute later. 

Not to mention the way he flipped you over when you both caught your breaths and he fu-

“I can feel you.” Alex's whisper startles you out of your memory and your eyes snap to the man you were daydreaming about. 

You all but jump off his lap, your heart racing ten to the dozen feeling like you’ve been caught red handed. But you keep calm, not letting your cheeks heat up to give you away. 

“Feel what?” You ask him, the shock slowly disappearing from your face. 

“Your pulse,” Alex tells you in a low voice, his grip on you tightening, “On my thigh.”

And it dawns on you what he means. You’re fucking throbbing, completely aching at the thought of him. And he can fucking feel you. 

Fuck offfffffff. Men can actually feel that?!

No. No. No. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” You play dumb, having to because you don’t think you’ll be able to look at him again if not. 

Not that you can right now, you just look at Flo and start listening to her, Miles, and Kirsten’s conversation. Meanwhile praying to every god that there is that you calm the fuck down and you stop being horny immediately. 

“Course you don’t, sweet.” Alex kisses your shoulder and his lips linger on your skin as he smirks, “Just like you can’t feel me.”

You’re about to ask him what he means until he shifts you against him more and you can feel his erection pressed against your thigh. He’s hard. Really hard. You have to hold in the sound you want to make. 

Why the fuck did you want this ‘no fucking’ shit. You can’t stop thinking about him. The way you want to kiss him. The way you want him in your mouth. The way you want him to fill you up and fuck you like it’s the last time you’re ever going to be able to. 

You don’t even realise what you’re doing until Alex grunts in your ear, “I’d stop wriggling unless you want me to fuck you in front of these lot.”

Your thighs press against each other and you pray Alex didn’t feel that too. Despite him definitely noticing, Alex didn’t say anything, didn’t tease you any more and you just about managed to have a conversation with Flo about how she’s joining her husband on his tour and how she’s going to stay in Sheffield for a while after to see her best friend. 

But it’s not long after that, the alcohol runs dry and everyone notices the time. Nick and Kirsten are the first to leave, followed by Katie and Jamie, and when you don’t move from Alex’s lap (because he won’t let you, his hands clutching you tightly after you tried to move when the first couple left. Clearly doesn’t think the bubbles will  hide his hard on) Flo and Miles are the last to get out. 

Miles gives you both a cheeky smile and he helps the artist out of the tub and hands her the dressing gown. Both of them say bye to you and Alex but Florence gives you a teasing look as she leaves, seeming to scream at the both of you, have funnn. 

Your jaw locks and you very subtly shake your head at her, trying your absolute best to keep the smile off your face and show your strength. And you’d say you do well, you shout an unbothered bye to the direction they went and only when you hear your bedroom door thud shut does Alex’s hold on you go slack. 

And finally you release the breath you were holding and grab the side of the tub to stand up, needing off this man's lap before you do something you’ll regret. Abandoning your empty prosecco glass you just get yourself stood up when the singer stops you. 

“Where are you going?” Alex gently grabs your wrist and pulls you back to him, the water sloshing as you fall back towards him. 

“Alex,” You sigh as he moves you so you’re straddling him, but before you can even protest his mouth finds yours. 

His kiss takes your breath away, and he doesn’t give you time to think. He just wants you to feel. 

Alex attacks you with long kisses, three of them that have you forgetting that you were even trying to get away. It’s as if something ignites in you both, the mere connection of your lips has your skin erupting in goosebumps, and they aren’t from the contrast with the hot water and the cold air. 

But you seem to get some perspective and much to Alex’s disappointment, you pull back from the kiss. But he doesn’t let you go far at all, his hand on the back of your neck keeps you close enough your foreheads are resting against each others. 

“It’s just a kiss.” Whispers the man who’s got your heart racing, his hand pulling your neck that bit closer hoping you’ll kiss him again. 

“It’s never just a kiss with you,” You breathlessly reply, gently shaking your head, your nose rubbing against his. 

When he pulls you back for another kiss you can’t deny yourself the simple pleasure. Because it is never just a kiss. 

And it isn’t, because you’re not sure what this one is laced with, but you’re addicted. You don’t want to stop for a single second, especially not when he grabs your hips with both hands and pulls you against him properly. 

Your back arches, your chest against his now and he can feel your peaked nipples through your bikini top. He can’t help but groan, he’s been wanting to feel them against him in some capacity since he saw them through your bikini top when he lifted you onto his lap and you got cold and his head filled with filth about you. 

About how he wanted to pinch them between his fingers so you’d make that noise he loves. About how he couldn’t stop thinking about his head being back between your thighs when he spotted the bruises he’d left there. About how he wanted nothing more than to tease you in front of his friends, to see how far he could push you out of your comfort zone. And after he could feel you throbbing on his thigh he wanted nothing more than to make you cum over and over again. 

This kiss turns hard and hungry and it takes you enough by surprise that if you were standing you’d have stumbled back with the force of it. As you’re on his lap though, you can’t escape and you don’t for a second want to. Alex’s hands move your hips so you start grinding on him and both of you moan at the friction. 

You hope that the rumble of the jets hides them from anyone other than the two of you, and you pray to every god that Katie and Jamie haven’t decided to go into their hot tub as they are the room beside yours. Despite the wooden panelling hiding the balconies completely from potential neighbours, you need to keep quiet. But it’s so difficult when he’s making you feel so good. 

The more you grind against him, the more you can feel your stomach tighten with need. The way Alex is dragging you against his cock just makes you worse, your clit finally getting the friction it’s been aching for.  

Minutes pass of your whining, gasping, and mewling as he encourages you, taking handfuls of your arse to pull you towards him as he bucks his hips up into yours. His moans motivate you more, your hips now erratic in search for relief as he kisses you. 

Alex licks into your mouth like he can’t get enough of the way you taste. His groans spur you on, and his hand moving up to the middle of your waist has you arching into his chest again, and he can’t help but move his hips in time with yours, loving the little whines that escape your pretty lips. 

But he needs to hear more, so when you tug on his hair, and he bucks up into you, he bites your bottom lip when you moan so he can muffle it with his own lips. He smirks when he pulls away and he grabs your face, his thumb and index finger pressing your cheeks together as he grinds you against him again, his fingers digging into your hip ensuring it. 

The moan you let out for him then, you can’t suppress, and by the way Alex’s eyes seem to sparkle with delight shows you just how satisfied the sound makes him. Like it was intent all along to have you be loud for him.

“Do I feel good, sweet?” His voice a low whisper that has your throat bobbing.  

The singer kisses his way up your jaw before biting your earlobe, and he clearly wants an answer, “Well?” His hand falling from your cheeks to your neck and the slightest pressure has your head in pieces. 

“Mmm.” You hum in agreement pulling back enough to grab his jaw and bring his lips back up to yours. 

You refuse to let him mark your neck up again, no matter how good his lips feel on your throat. And at this point you know he’d do it just to get the both of you caught to see if you could withstand your friends teasing. 

This between you carries on for longer than it should. But that pull, that spark, between you, now ignited neither of you can get enough. 

“You like knowing you get me this hard, just from seeing the bruises I left on your thighs?” Alex rasps, as he kisses slowly down your neck. 

At this point, you think you’d do just about anything to have his lips on you or on your skin somehow. It’s addicting. So much so that you don’t remember the silly rule that you agreed upon, especially when Alex moves his hand  

“From seeing these,” Alex hums against your neck as his thumbs circling both your nipples through your bikini. “I can still feel them on my chest from the other night.”

His lips trail down your neck and the top of your chest and he kisses over your skin and his hands grab at you that bit tighter as he says, “I want my mouth all over you, sweet.”

His thumbs hook into your bikini top and he pulls both cups to the side, leaving you bare for him. His lips are on your breast in a second and the other he kneads in his calloused hand. 

Your head falls back, a moan falling freely from your lips as you grind yourself onto his cock as he sucks your nipple. Needing as much friction as you can get because you could easily finish like this if he carried on. But god, you want him inside you instead. 

Picking your head up, your fingers tug in his hair encouraging him as his right hand now grabs your arse again making you move on him. Fuck, you could cum just from this, easily if he carries on. 

He swaps to your other tit, lapping at it and savouring the sweetness of your skin and he can’t help but moan when you rut against him again. God, he just wants to have you like this forever, just free of inhibitions and completely giving into your desire. 

“Well, sweet? You like knowing what you do to me?” He teases, but he takes it a step further and he reaches between you and he presses circles onto your clit through your clothes, “That I like feeling this greedy thing throbbing on my lap for me?”

The sound you let out is guttural and completely obscene. To mute it you harshly pull his hair so you can press your lips against his to quieten yourself. But fuck knows if he even helps. 

His sweet torture continues and you feel the tension forming in your lower stomach, flames scorching your limbs, all caused by the man who’s name falls from your lips in desparate pleas, “Alex.”

His kiss is hot and heavy like a man starved, like he could never get enough of you. His hands claiming you is something promise you’ll never deny yourself the pleasure of again, those magic fucking fingers have you seeing stars. Each swipe of them against your clothed clit pushes you closer towards that delightful edge. 

“I- Al, oh.” Fuck. You’re going to finish, this is it and it’s going to shatter you entirely. 

His warm hands on you, the feeling of his chest rising and falling against your own, his body heat making your nipples perk from the stimulation. And his fucking cock that you’re aching to have inside you, he’s so hard all you can think about is reaching down and moving your costume to the side so you can line him up and fill you to the br-

So consumed with your thoughts and your erratic hips chasing the orgasm you're on the verge of having you miss the singer mumble against your lips, “Okay, that’s enough.”  

You only register when Alex’s hand now holds your hip to stop you from moving and you hear him say, “Stop, sweet.”

“No,” You helplessly whine, entirely cockdrunk at this point, wanting him too badly and you kiss him deeply again. 

But Alex only entertains the kiss for another second, before he pulls away and to stop your lips from following his again, he holds your jaw, “If you keep kissing me, we’re not going to make it another minute.”

You’re so breathless you barely understand what he means. But as you take a minute to get some oxygen back into your system you realise what you’ve done and god you want to lock yourself up and throw away the key. 

“I’m sorry.” You swallow, looking away from his gaze. 

“Don’t apologise.” Alex shakes his head, and you note he’s just as out of breath as you. And he gently readjusts your bikini so it’s covering your modesty again as he says, “We agreed on your rule, sweet, don’t wanna break it on day one now, do we?”

It’s his smirk that he gives you as he says the end of that which makes you say, “You’re a bully.”

Because he’s got you all hot and bothered, only to completely edge you and use ‘your rule’ as an excuse to leave you right on the brink. God you could absolutely throttle him. But knowing Alex, he’d enjoy it, so you keep your hands to yourself. 

The singer just laughs, “You love it.” And he taps your arse under the water to prompt you to stand up so he can too. 

Jesus Christ it’s only now that you realise how perishing the cold is, you practically jump out of the tub and run for your dressing gown before heading to the door. And you’re kind enough to hold the door open for Alex as he wraps his towel around his shoulders. 

It’s only now that you gulp seeing just how little the swim shorts disguise his erection. Standing at attention is an understatement, and there’s a little spark of pride that scorches your blood knowing you’ve caused that. 

You don’t let your eyes linger, but you know from the smug smirk on his face as he walks through the door that he’s caught you looking. And the prick opens his mouth, probably to bully you once more but you beat him to it as you close and lock the balcony door. 

“You don’t care about the rule, why’d you stop when I was clearly enjoying myself?” You ask as you follow him to the door to your room. 

“Because you were dead set about not wanting to before we came.” Alex tells you sincerely, and you can’t help your heart from warming that little bit as he looks you in the eye and says, “I don’t want you regretting anything between us.” 

Swallowing down the smile you want to plaster all over your face, you tell him, “I don’t regret what just happened, for the record.”

“Good.” Alex smiles, walking the last few steps to your door. And the singer is about to open it before he pauses, turns back and tells you, “Oh, and don’t get yourself off.” 

Immediately you frown a little. It’s a miracle your words don’t come out as a scoff, “Don’t think you have that authority.” 

The smirk that comes to those pretty swollen lips and the way his eyes darken is something that needs capturing in a museum. Fucking hell it’s definitely banked away in a certain area of your mind. 

“I could just fuck you now if you’re going to do that.” Alex raises his eyebrows, and you can tell he’so putting the offer out there. 

But after him saying it’s only day one, you’re definitely not giving in now. A week without fucking him. You can do it. You just can’t fucking slip up again. How embarrassing of you to have given in to your temptations only mere hours after your holiday began. 

Alex seems to understand your thoughts entirely so he quickly saves himself from a scolding,  “Think of it as being edged instead, don’t touch yourself. It’ll make next week more fun.”

Your still fucking throbbing for him, aching isn’t even the right word for the need for relief you’re feeling. It looks like your bullet won’t be being used while you’re away after all. But if you’re showing restraint, you certainly won’t be the only one. 

You nod, the corner of your lips tugging up a little seeing Alex smile down at you and as he reaches from the door handle to let himself out, you surprise him by saying, “Don’t touch yourself either then.” 

He looks at you again, his eyes entirely full of surprise that you’ve given him an order. But he’ll do it for you. He won’t be a double standard, so he agrees.  

Although when he opens the door and takes a step out, and you tell him, “Go get a cold shower.” He loves your brattiness.  

“Could share one of those?” Alex offers as he takes a step back towards you, his eyes bright and full of mischief as he smirks down at you. 

All you can think is, And end up having a repeat of the first time you were in the shower with him? No chance. 

“See you tomorrow, Alex.” You smile, placing a hand on his bare chest and pushing him towards the door perpendicular to yours. 

Alex chuckles, blowing you a teasing kiss, “Goodnight, sweet.”

~*~*~*~ January 4th 2019 ~*~*~*~

To say that the next couple of days were positively torturous would be a massive understatement. The cold shower you had after Alex left your room that first night didn’t do much to calm you down, the ache between your thighs didn’t disappear until well into the night of you tossing and turning in bed. 

At one point you were ready to march into his room and tell him how unfair it is to leave you on edge like that, and that it was unfair because you’d be so pent up that you’d have a miserable holiday. But then you’d realise you’d see the singer's smug smirk and he’d say something along the lines of, ‘You’re so greedy that you come begging me to get you off, is that it? You can’t go even a few hours without me, can you not? You poor sweet thing.’ 

So you chose to stay warm in bed, following his direction of not getting yourself off and you eventually fall asleep. You swear though that if he got himself off and didn’t stick through this with you, you’d be absolutely fuming. 

And you can’t help but be pleased when Alex eventually joins you all for breakfast the next morning, and he made a thunderstorm look appealing. ‘In a mood’ would be an understatement. The singer looked like he hadn’t slept a wink, he hadn't even bothered with his hair, it was still dishevelled, and his glum, tired face had a smile tugging on your lips.

Good. You like knowing you’re not the only one who felt absolutely tortured.    

You had to hide your smirk by taking a drink of your orange juice, sipping it through the straw as your eyes linger on the singer who looks like he could commit a murder if his breakfast was served wrong. Clearly though, you’re not being as slick as you thought you were hiding your amusement by taking a drink because when Alex’s eyes lock with yours he sees the knowing in them. 

Instead of shying away from him though, you stare straight into his eyes and let your smirk show when you pull your drink out. You even raise your eyebrows at him entirely enthralled that he looks so much worse than you this morning. Looks like it’ll be cold showers for him for the foreseeable future.  

Alex couldn’t help but find you equally as amusing that morning at breakfast. The smile stayed on your face for the entirety of your meal and he could tell that seeing him so affected by the lack of your company had somehow boosted your confidence. So, pent up he may be, but he’d suffer in silence for as long as he needed to see that smug look on your face once more.  

Alex made sure his teasing continued throughout that day and the next. His flirting and lingering looks had you more on edge than usual thanks to the fact you felt entirely touch-starved, but you couldn’t deny that he had your heart racing. 

On the slopes he would sometimes wait for you if he wasn’t racing the boys or Flo down the mountain, to make sure you got down alright and there would be flirting when you’d stopped at the cafe’s that were half way down the slope. And he had you buy him the promised drinks that made you come on this holiday in the first place so you were happy keeping your end of that bargain. 

He really made you smile today when you had a bit of a fall on the slope. He watched you fall but he stopped right beside you and made sure you were okay before getting you back to your feet and he went down the slope as by your side as he could get. And when you both reached the bottom, he played into checking you over, being cheeky and saying he’d have to get the layers off you to make a complete and thorough check. Something which of course you rolled your eyes at but you couldn’t keep the smile from your face. 

When you walked out of your room each night dressed to go for dinner he told you how gorgeous you looked in your dress when he saw you, whether that be him stepping out of his room at the same time coincidentally or when you walked down with Katie and he was waiting for you with the other lads. Tonight was the latter and the way he looked you up and down made you feel all tingly inside.

And this evening at dinner he sat beside you and when you were waiting between courses, Alex rested his hand on your thigh, and it wasn’t at all to try and rile you, he seemed to just want to be affectionate. And Flo is right, why would you deny yourself that pleasure. 

You know you’re nowhere near a relationship, or possibly even heading into that direction. But this fun you’re having with him, it doesn’t mean you can’t take comfort from the small meaningful gestures that you’ve found that you’ve missed since your last relationship. 

So yes, you’ve adored the flirting, and matched his energy entirely by giving him back as much as good as you’ve got which grants you access to that cheeky smirk you’re starting to love being the cause of. You pretend like your heart doesn’t do something stupid when he’s affectionate and you’ll continue to act like you aren’t dying for him to touch you and kiss you and fuck you until you’re back home. 

And all of this is the reason why right now, you’re absolutely seething at yourself. Why you’re now at this bar, side-eyeing the man who’s had you at whit's end for the past few days wanting god to do you a favour and stop what you’re seeing. 

You hate it, you absolutely hate it. Seeing Alex’s hand on her hip, the way he smiles at her as she’s talking, and the way he’s making this random girl laugh. 

It’s been at least 15 minutes now since he went up to the bar to get himself another drink and left your group at the few standing tables in the corner which you’d all claimed. And when you looked over after 5 minutes of him disappearing, you saw him at the bar talking away with possibly the most gorgeous woman you’d ever seen. 

Intimidated isn’t even the word you could use to compare yourself to the stunning woman. She’s just everything you’re not. Clearly she's confident to speak to a stranger normally and not at 100 miles per hour because she’s nervous. She’s absolutely gorgeous with the complete opposite hair colour and style to yours, and her dress accentuates all of her features perfectly, leaving little to everyone’s imagination but she’s so gorgeous and fearlessly self assured, there’s no way you could possibly compete with a woman like her. 

Your chest sinks because it’s so easy for you to realise just how jealous of this woman you are. Not just because she holds Alex’s attention and you want that back for yourself, you’re just hit with that intimidatingly jealous feeling you’ve not experienced for such a long time. And it’s such a dirty feeling, you really judge yourself for it. 

Because you’re well aware you’re not in a relationship with the singer. Yes you’re fucking each other but he could easily call that off at any point, especially on holiday when you’ve established you’re not sleeping with each other and that will make your self esteem plummet and not to be dramatic but you’ll more than likely never put yourself out there again, and you think that is valid enough if that’s how this night ended.   

To make it worse, the ladies you’re with, your close friends can clearly see that you’re slipping into a foul mood. A few times you’ve been asked what’s wrong, and you’d have to tune back into conversations and plaster a fake smile on your face because you’ve got so stupidly in your head about all of this. 

It was only when Katie followed your gaze to the bar did she realise what was making you slip into a bad mood. On the down low, when Kirsten and Flo were having their own conversation, Katie said, “Y/N/N?” 

“Hmm?” You hum, tearing your eyes away from a laughing Alex and the stunning woman.  

You look at your best friend as she seriously asks, “What are you waiting for?” 

Immediately, you’re confused, “What?” 

Katie can’t help but laugh to herself a little as you’re being so blatantly obvious to her. And she can’t lie, she secretly loves seeing you jealous, because she’s never witnessed it before. And the mere fact you’re being silently possessive over Alex is all the more amusing to her. 

“Just go and get him.” She encourages you, seeing that you’re holding your glass of wine that little bit too tight.  

She understands that you’re probably that bit more jealous too because you are bordering on being a little bit drunk. Your tolerance is slightly better than hers and she knows that you’ve drank near enough the same amount so she’s very aware how your thoughts are probably being manipulated by the alcohol. 

“No, if he wants to play he can,” You tell her and put on a brave face, turning away from him now in an attempt to not shoot daggers at him with your eyes, “He just won’t be getting me again afterwards.”

And you mean it. You won’t get caught up in that STD mess waiting to happen. Condoms or not. It’s a no from you. 

You drink with the girls a bit more then, the other lads make you laugh too but after a few minutes you become all too aware again that there’s a missing piece. And it’s like a wound to the chest when you see he’s still there talking to that woman and they seem to be standing that little bit closer, smiles still on both of their faces. 

Something about it hurts, and not due to the fact he’s being flirted with. It mostly gets to you because he’s being so kind to someone he’s just met and you only got that side of him after a ten years and only when you called him out for his behaviour. It makes your heart sink a little, you just don’t know why he wasn’t ever this friendly toward you when you were first introduced, yet he can be so kind, smiley, and flirty to a complete stranger. 

Up until 6 months ago, Alex would barely hold a conversation with you and something about that always hurt. The effort you’d make only for it to go unreciprocated when he probably knew how much it took for you to not be socially awkward around him. It’s a blow to your chest and to your ego. 

And to make it worst, he’s flirting with this girl as if you haven’t been fucking each other for a month and he didn’t almost fuck you in the hot tub the other night. As if the bruises he left on your thighs aren’t still very prominent and he didn’t edge you, leaving you craving every little bit of him for the last two days. And now he’s flirting with someone that isn’t you. 

And you can’t even blame the woman for flirting with him. He looks impeccable this evening. He’s in a black suit with a black shirt and he looks incredible. Like you’d do just about anything for him to pull you aside in this darkened bar and for him to whisper filthy promises in your ear before his lips find yours and he takes your breath away all over again. 

But you’re not so lucky. And your mood worsens when you see the bartender come back with two drinks in his hands and he places them in front of the pair. But it’s when Alex gets his card out and seemingly pays for both does your heart drop. 

Has he just fucking bought her a drink?

You blink a few times and force yourself to look away. The feeling that’s settled in your stomach not being one that you want to ever be feeling. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion and you wish it wasn’t running through your veins right now so you try and breath through it, letting the thoughts pass you by as quickly as they come.  

The people that know you best though, can see you’ve sort of checked out from the conversations surrounding you, and you’re staring out of the window at the snow that’s beginning to gently fall. Your best friend knows it’s not the same zoned out as you were awestruck when you first arrived on this holiday though, it’s due to you being in your head because of the man at the bar. 

And it seems Katie isn’t the only one, because Flo asks Mrs Cook quietly, “Should I go tell him?”

Katie notes that she nods over towards the bar, but your best friend immediately shakes her head.  

“No,” She tells her, “Let him dig his own grave.”

Because after everything last year, she wants Alex to prove himself worthy of having her best friend. She knows you deserve something good, and despite being 99% sure that Alex is just being polite to a fan at the bar, she wants him to prove that he wouldn’t ruin this good thing that you both have going for the sake of another woman who could pass as a model.  

So Katie distracts you, getting another glass of wine down you is easy to do and she has you giggling with her and Flo again. 

While you adore your friends for their distraction tactics, Alex and the stunning woman linger in your mind, and you feel like you need a second to quieten those intrusive thoughts. So you head to the toilet in hopes to clear your head but when you hold the sink and look at your reflection the clarity that hits you is that you’re drunk and probably (most definitely) overreacting, and you just find yourself wanting to close your eyes. 

So that’s why when you make your way back to your friends, who Alex is still not with, you decide your night is done. 

“Guys, I’m going to head back.” You tell all of them, “The wine has gone to my head and I’m so tired after today.”

Each and every one of their faces fall and they all start a little bit of a commotion, shaking their heads and shout over each other drunkenly pleading with you not to go. But it’s a singer who is the one that complains the loudest. 

“Noooo come on, Y/N/N.” Miles throws an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he says, “Party with us.”

You smile at him but there’s no way you’ll be giving in. You need your bed. And to get away from Alex and the stunning woman taking all of his attention at the bar. 

“Miles, you saw the fall I had earlier today,” You almost wince at the memory, “I’m knackered and just wanna get in bed so I’m good again tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you back.” Jamie offers but immediately you shake your head, having none of it. 

“No, you’re having a great time, stay out. Have fun.” You smile, giving him a look to say ‘do not put on your coat’ as you put on your own. 

You’ll be perfectly fine getting back by yourself, everywhere is lit well enough to make the 5 minute walk back feel safe. And you could certainly use the time to clear your head. 

So you just smirk, wrapping your coat around you and downing the last of your white wine. And you grin, “I'll see you all hungover for breakfast in the morning.”

They all laugh at your little joke, knowing it’ll more than likely come to fruition, before they pull you into hugs goodbye. Flo, you realise, gives the best hugs out in the group, and she holds you tightly as she whispers in your ear, “Are you sure?”

You don’t hesitate to nod, “Positive.” 

She pouts a little as you pull away from the hug but you give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her to have another drink for you which makes her giggle and she promises she will. And then the only person left over here you have to hug is your very drunk best friend, and Katie all but smothers you with her bear hug. 

God you adore your best friend so much. Or you do until she easily reads between the lines and questions your actions. 

“This isn’t to do with Alex, is it?” She asks, pouting like she’s both angry and upset, “Because you can’t let him spoil your fun.”

You hate that she knows you so well, but wanting to go back to your hotel room is only marginally to do with Alex at this point. You know if you drank anymore tonight you’d be worse for wear tomorrow and you don’t want to ruin this precious holiday by staying in your room wanting to throw up. 

“No, I'm just tired.” You lie, trying not to even think about the fact that Alex not really giving you any attention and flirting with another girl was what triggered your bad mood in the first place. You tell her, “I just wanna get some sleep.”

“Okay queen.” Katie nods before she pulls back and she looks into your eyes to seriously tell you, “Text me as soon as you get back to the hotel, okay?”

“I will.” You promise her and after she gives you another hug, you turn to leave. 

You avoid looking anywhere near the bar even though you have to pass it to leave, but you’re quick and you leave out of the side doors and make it down the stairs fairly quickly. The automatic doors expose you to the cold air quickly and you’re so thankful you chose your long, navy dress this evening, even if you were regretting the slit in it that comes up to just above your knee when the wind hits you.  

Thankfully, your ‘going out coat’ is a long one, coming down to just past your knees, and would retain most of your body heat, so as you walk towards the doors you start to slowly button it up. But your buttons aren’t cooperating, they won't go through the bloody buttonhole. Clearly nothing wants to go right for you this evening.

And you end up not paying attention to where you’re going as you walk out of the bar, you don’t realise that the smoking areas out front has gotten busier so you end up turning to head back to your hotel and you bump into someone at quite a little bit of force. Immediately, you end up almost slipping too, not realising that the ground has become slippy too thanks to the fresh snow landing and melting. But before you fall arse over tit, you're saved by your own victim. The poor man you bumped into.  

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” You say as you grab onto his tattooed arm that stabled you. 

And it’s only when you’re sure you’re steady on your feet do you look at the exquisite man. A gasp almost leaves your mouth at just how attractive he is. The strong jawline, the short black hair, the sun kissed skin, and possibly the most stunning eyes you’ve ever seen in your entire life. They are such a gorgeous shade of blue they almost look purple, and God, you half wish you could stare into them all night.  

“No worries,” The man holding your arm says, and once he’s satisfied you can stand properly again, his eyes drop to take you in. 

It makes you feel like your heart is in your throat for the two seconds he checks you out, but under the stare of those gorgeous eyes, it feels like it lasts an age. You can’t help watching as a small smirk forms on his lips, clearly pleased with what he sees and when his eyes meet yours again, you feel like your knees could fall from under you again if he wasn’t still holding you up. He’s dream worthy.

His fingers move down your wrist and he gently comes to squeeze your hand as he smirks but endearingly says, “Careful darling.” 

Immediately, the pet name makes you flush, and under his gaze you feel like you’re vibrating somehow, and you realise just how badly you need to get yourself back to your hotel. So to not make a fool out of yourself again, you cut the situation short.

“Thank you.” You give him a gracious smile and a small nod of your head before turning towards your hotel and safely begin to rush off. 

In your peripherals, you see the two other men that the stunning man was accompanied by and you’re glad you didn’t interact with them too, because they look just as attractive as their friend. You’d surely crumble under their gazes and start awkwardly chatting their ears off so you’re pleased to get away from both them and that bar. 

At least this gives your drunk mind a quick distraction from wondering what Alex and that girl are currently up to. You try not to think about how cosy they might have got or if either of them have made a move. No, you’d rather think about your embarrassing encounter with a model worthy guy who then checked you out and you said thank you to him. 

Thank you? God, you’re so fucking stupid for saying thank you Y/N/N, that doesn’t even make sense. Thank you for me bumping into you and being so kind about it? What was the thank you for? Silly bitch. 

God you really need to get to sleep. Your brain is absolutely spinning. 

Instead you find yourself focussing on the crunch of snow under your boots, how you can see your breath in front of you. And the gentle light coming from the lampposts illuminates the snow that’s slowly falling from the sky and you can’t help but think that it’s so beautiful despite it being so cold. 

Finally you manage to do up the buttons of your coat and your hands are stuffed in your pockets as you carry on walking. But it’s only a few seconds later, you hear your name being shouted behind you. You think you’re hearing things so you don’t stop walking, but then you hear someone running behind you and a gentle call of, “Sweet.” As he begins to slow down. 

Alex is out of breath by the time he’s beside you, and a gentle hand on your arm stops you from walking. A mixture of emotions runs through you in that moment, happy that he’s not with that girl anymore is certainly one of them, but annoyance at him for him even flirting with someone else hits you all over again. 

And it just makes your mood worse, because you absolutely despise being jealous. You hate it. You hate the tightness in your chest and you hate the way you start to second guess everything. And you don’t think you should be second guessing if you’re good enough.  

But you keep all of that to yourself, not wanting to annoy Alex or appear jealous or be overbearing. You’re just drunk and you need to get over yourself. 

“Sweet.” Alex says a little out of breath, “What’s wrong?”

“Absolutely nothing.” You say more flatly than you meant to and turn to carry on walking to the hotel. 

You’d scorn yourself for it, but you’re glad Alex doesn’t pick up on your tone. He just follows after you, falling into step as he asks, “Why are you leaving so early?”

“It’s almost one Alex,” You tell him, “I’m tired.”

You’re certainly not telling him that he’s a part of the reason you’re leaving. Even if he has finally given someone else the time of day for a brief minute tonight.  

Trying not to focus on the mixed emotions cursing through you, you end up telling the singer, “You don’t have to walk me back, go back to the bar.”

“And let you walk back on your own at one in the morning?” Alex frowns down at you,  “I don’t think so.”

You shake your head slightly at that, knowing he’s just doing that because of the story you told him about how you don’t like to walk alone at night. But you don’t want him here solely because of that. “I don’t need your pity.”

“There’s no pity, I’m just not a dickhead, sweet.” Alex’s smile then turns into a smirk as he throws his arm around your shoulders and he pulls you against him, “Now let me keep you warm.”

Your chest feels lighter somehow at his actions, and it makes you feel all gooey and smiley inside. But your brain is telling you to keep a hard exterior after what you witnessed tonight, so you try and brush him off, “Al, I’m fine.”

But the singer is having none of it. He just holds you tighter teases, “You’re moody.” 

“I’m tired.” You correct him, even though you’re lying through your teeth. 

“With your little rule, I thought you would have been reserving more energy.” Alex smirks, not being able to pass on the opportunity to torture you that little bit more. 

You don’t mute your scoff at that, and decide that silence is what he deserves after that comment and him flirting with someone else all evening. And it hits you all over again how up until a few months ago you’d only get silence and sneers from him, but that woman at the bar instantly got smiles and flirting. It makes you want to push his arm off your shoulder and you fall silent again. 

It’s confusing. Wanting to scold him but then also lean into him and accept the joy the simple pleasure of him hugging you brings you. And you’re feeling it all at once. You don’t understand it and don’t really know how to process it. 

Sleep. You need sleep. 

With his free hand, Alex digs into his coat pocket and pulls out his gloves, noticing you’re shivering, “Here take these.” 

“Thank you.” You accept them quietly and graciously and don’t waste much time putting them on, even if they are too big for you. 

Alex smiles once you have them on, and he squeezes your shoulder that bit tighter as he grins, “They suit you.” 

“Bit big, but I'll take it.” You shrug a little, and give him a bit of a smile so you don’t look like a colossal bitch. It was a kind gesture after all. 

Alex grins back down, his eyes bright as he says with a knowing look, “Well, you know what they say about big hands, sweet.”

Holding your own smile back, you fake a roll of your eyes and look away from him, “You’re not funny.”

“What?” Alex asks, faking innocence but smirking, “Just big gloves, nothing untoward.” 

You share an amused look then, both looking into each other's eyes and knowing for certain that was not what he was meaning. In those few seconds though, you can’t help but notice how gorgeous he looks, with the snow falling down around him, a few flakes having found home in his hair and he just looks so pretty and happy. 

You always want to look at him and see that cheeky smile looking back down at you. It makes you feel all warm inside.  

But then that crude sense of humour has to go and ruin the moment. 

“Anyway,” He smirks, “You already know how big I am. I don't think I need to remind you just yet.”

The way your cheeks heat up immediately is almost as embarrassing as the way your gaze snaps away from his. You just try to act nonchalant about it, shaking your head, “Way to lower the tone.”

“I think it was your dirty mind that lowered the tone, sweet.” Alex laughs and he has you giggling along with him. 

It doesn’t take long to get back to the hotel, and you walk in a comfortable silence with your head finally not filled with everything to do with the bar. You just enjoy having his attention back, and that he keeps pulling you back into him, and rubbing the top of your arm in an effort to keep you warm. 

You expect the singer to walk you into the lobby and bid you goodnight there before he heads back out to your other friends. But he surprises you, stepping into the lift with you and even when you’re going up to your floor he keeps his arm around you like he doesn’t want to let you go.  

“Thank you for walking me back, you really didn’t have to.” You tell him after he walks you to your door and you get your keycard out of your pocket. 

Only when you look at him again does he tell you, “Stop thanking me for being a decent human being.”

You smile at him for a second there, and it is a truly grateful one. Despite everything tonight, you really are thankful he came back with you. If not for your safety, but then at least for your peace of mind about what he was up to when you left. Your chest fills with the hatred of the jealousy you’re feeling once more. 

But it’s like the man looking at you can somehow read your emotions. Because he once again flips them on their head when he takes you in again and sees how gorgeous you look in that navy dress and the way it hugs you. 

He seems a little breathless as he says, “You really do look incredible tonight by the way.” 

You look down at yourself, really not thinking you looked anything more than presentable tonight. But two men have checked you out this evening and seemed pleased with what they saw, and you know Alex well enough now to know that he doesn’t just say these things, he actually means them. 

“I- Thank you.” You stumble for a second, but gladly take the compliment. 

As you turn to open your door, Alex takes a step towards his, which makes you frown. He’s going to bed?

“You can go back out, you know?” You say before he even takes another step. 

You don’t really understand why he’d be going to his room when he could go back out and have a good time with either your friends or the stunning woman he was chatting to. Surely he didn’t just leave because you did?

Alex shrugs, and takes a step back towards you, “Don’t want to.”

“Why?” You can’t help but question, “Looked like you were having a good time.”

“Not that good, I wasn’t spending it with you.” Alex shamelessly flirts as he comes to stand right beside you again, hoping to see you get all flustered. 

He adores being the cause of it, and he even likes when you run your mouth back at him and flirt with him too. It makes him happier than he should admit to himself at this point in your little arrangement. But you shock him completely and don’t do either of those things.

No, instead Alex watches as you tense slightly and you become ridged. The smile falling from your face entirely. 

“You knew where I was.” You shrug, not knowing what more you could have done. It’s not like you could go up to him and demand his attention, or steal him away and he figures out why and he teases you for it.  

You just turn back towards your door and mumble under your breath as you put the card in, “Besides, it seems that you found her quite interesting.” 

This has Alex smirking, possibly the biggest he ever has. Not that you can see that smirk as you’re still fumbling about with your keycard and putting it in the door the wrong way. So it gives him a little time to compose himself enough that you won’t hate him when he gets you to look at him again. 

You’re jealous. Hence the mood, short replies, and the pout that was just seeping onto your face… It all makes perfect sense now. 

Alex tones his smirk down into a slight grin before he get your attention again, “Sweet?” 

“What?” You ask, just about managing to open your door before you turn back to him. 

And it’s only when you do, you see the way he’s looking at you. His amusement is clear to see, but he doesn’t say anything. He just takes a step close to you, and before you really know it his lips are on yours and he gently eases you backwards until your back is against the heavy door you’ve not opened more than an inch. 

It’s a sweet kiss, full of longing and care and words you’ve both yet to say. And the way he gently holds your waist, pulling you against him now, his arm running inside your coat and around your back so he can press you fully against him as his lips move in sync with yours. His hand on your jaw moves that bit higher, so his thumb can caress your cheek and you think this might be the sweetest kiss you’ve ever shared.

It’s gentle and full of emotion, even when his tongue finds home with yours. It makes the both of you hot despite both of your lips softly moving together. Something about it runs deeper, like he’s trying to tell you something without explicitly coming out with it. 

His hold on your waist gets that bit tighter which has you melting into him. Unable to stop yourself, you also let out a tiny hum of bliss against his lips and you hold his coat in your fist that bit tighter. This is what you’ve been after all night. This is what you’ve been craving. Him and every last bit of him. 

Even when the kiss comes to its natural end, you wish it wasn’t finished. And you’re glad that it doesn’t seem to be. But the man who makes your heart skip a beat says something you really aren’t expecting. 

“I’m only interested in sleeping with you.” Alex tells you, before he leaves you with one last breathless kiss. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: What did you think?!?!? NRIACC bestiesssss!! How was it seeing Wheels again?! She's my multiverse I had to hahaha! But how bloody cute are Sweet and Alex, god I adore them so so much. Until next time besties x

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[elizabethwritesmen]

𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜

chapter 1 - i remember everything

pairing: firefighter!steve x reader

summary: in high school, steve and y/n were the best of friends. now, she’s moved back to hawkins, and he hasn’t seen her since her graduation 7 years before.

warnings: smut to come in later chapters.

a/n: this is a christmas fic, split into parts. this part does not mention christmas because it is not christmas time yet. also, steve is 28 and reader is 25. this fic is basically a hallmark script but make it sexy and angsty. italics paragraphs are flashbacks. all parts will be out by december 25.

chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

I remembered everything.

The bumps in the driveway that tousled my car like a carnival ride. The sparkling lake glistening with the sun’s reflection, reminiscent of all the times I snuck out there with my friends for a swim in high school. The beautiful cabin, two story but still small and cozy, haunted by all the scary stories that were told in it by high school students goofing off because they didn’t know what real life was.

The crack in the window where Robin tripped and fell into it that never got fixed because we never told my parents.

The guitar picks Eddie left all over the place, never remembering to take them home with him.

The small stain on the carpet from where the kids spilled a beer they’d stolen.

The huge tree by the water with Steve’s name carved into it, right next to mine, and a poorly shaped heart scribbled beside them.

Yes, I remembered everything.

I sighed as I unpacked my boxes, putting things away where I thought they should go. I never thought I’d be back in Hawkins, and I hadn’t yet decided how I felt about it, but the cards were dealt to me so I had to play them. It wasn’t so bad, though. I moved away less than a week after I graduated high school thinking that if I went to college in another state and started a new life, I could get away scott free from the things that were weighing on me. But it doesn’t work that way. You never get away from matters of the heart. They stay, and stay, and stay.

I stopped abruptly when I heard a knock at the door, going to check it and seeing Robin standing on the porch. I opened it quickly, “Rob!” I exclaimed as I pulled her into a hug. She squeezed me back with just as much force.

“You’re really back,” she sighed, “Your mom told me you’d be here and I was worried it wasn’t true!”

“Well here I am,” I giggled, pulling away reluctantly and letting her in. She walked with me to the dining room table where I had my things laid out and started helping me put them away.

“So how was Florida?” She asked.

“Hot,” I blandly offered, and she laughed.

“Seriously. You disappear the day you graduate and I hear from you maybe four times before we lose touch. I wanna know everything!”

I sighed, pausing for a moment, “I’m sorry about that, Robin. I didn’t mean to disappear on you, you know you’re one of the best friends I’ll ever have and I love you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to apologize to me, honey. I was never mad at you, but only because I understood why you left. Steve and Eddie, though… they went through it for the first year you were gone. Don’t even get me started on the kids.”

“Eddie understood, I know he did. He knew I was leaving, he was the only person I told because he caught me talking about my plane ticket on the phone. And the kids would never have understood, they were too young. Just needing to get out for a while would’ve sounded like a lame excuse to them.”

“But you didn’t just need to get out for a while, you needed to get away from Steve for a while”

“That’s not the only reason.”

“But it was a reason. Right?”

Hesitantly and carefully, I answered her, “Yes. It was. I couldn’t keep letting him break my heart. I needed space.”

“You couldn’t have found space in Hawkins? You had to leave?”

“There was no space in Hawkins. Wherever I went, he found me. He never left me alone. Even when I asked him to.”

“Because he loved you.”

“But it wasn’t enough,” I sighed exasperatedly, “Can we talk about something else?”

“Of course,” she smiled, “We’ll discuss Steve more later.”

“No we won’t,” I rolled my eyes, tossing a trinket from one of the boxes at her. She dodged it with a laugh, carrying on the conversation.

“Really though, how was Florida?”

“It was good. I dunno, I don’t think I fit in there.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’m not all beachy and outgoing like most people there were. But they were all super nice anyway. I made some friends at the college I went to, but I didn’t stay close to any of them after I graduated and started working.”

“Is that why you moved back? Cause you had no friends?”

“Robin!” I scolded, mouth dropping open. She laughed again, lighting up the room. “I did have friends, I’m just not a very social person!”

“Then why did you move back?”

I shrugged, “Florida isn’t the place for me, but I don’t know where is, so my mom suggested I move back here in the mean time.”

“And she’s just, like, letting you live in the cabin?”

“Yeah. I mean, they didn’t pay for it, and I’ve spent more time here than they have anyway. When my grandpa left it to them, they thought it was more of an extra bill than a vacation house. That’s why they’re gonna put it in my name if I decide to stay.”

“What?” she squealed, her eyes going wide as saucers, “So you could be little miss homeowner! That’s amazing! As bad as the economy is, I’d take that deal in a heartbeat!”

“I know, I know. I’m thinking about it. It is nice to be around family again. And you.”

“Just wait til you see the others. They’re gonna be SO excited you’re back! As a matter of fact why don’t we have them over here for a little reunion?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Do you even still hang out with them?”

“Eddie and Steve, yeah. We’re all still pretty close. The kids are all kinda doing their own thing now, but we still see each other a lot too, around town and such. And we still have a group chat, we just don’t send much but dumb memes in it.”

“Damn, Rob. Thanks for including me in this group chat!” I huffed, smacking her arm jokingly.

“You left, you gave up your groupchat rights!”

We laughed together and talked some more as we finished unpacking my boxes. I didn’t have much, no furniture or anything because the cabin was already completely furnished. My grandpa had impeccable taste, everything was extremely elegant while also being perfectly warm and rustic.

“Okay,” she sighed after we threw away the last piece of cardboard, “It’s dark now so I should probably get home, but let’s hang out again tomorrow! Come up to town! I opened up a music shop, you can come see!”

“That’s amazing! I’d love to come see!”

And with that, she was off. I breathed in a deep sigh, a smile on my face as I fell onto the couch and turned the TV on. It was nice to have Robin again. I was impressed with how quickly and swiftly we fell into old habits, gossiping and chatting like no time had passed and we were still just two kids. The person I was nervous to see again was Steve.

-

The next day, I woke up and showered, preparing myself to go to town. I needed to pick up groceries, and I also wanted to stop by Robin’s music shop, excited to see her hard work paid off.

I slipped on a pair of running shorts and a crop top, throwing a loose cardigan on over it and slipping into a pair of tennis shoes. My hair was curled and I had on light makeup. I felt pretty, but not overdone. I wanted to at least look decent enough that, if I ran into someone I knew, I wouldn’t be mortified.

The grocery store was desolate as I pulled into the parking lot, only a few cars in the spaces and a firetruck parked by the door. I supposed public servants do need to shop, too. I wondered if it was someone I knew, I remember my dad was friends with some of the town’s firemen when I was younger, but I shrugged it off, wanting to get in and out hassle free.

As soon as I walked in the door, though, I was greeted with a high pitched voice, “Y/N?”

I turned to see who it belonged to and was delighted to see Max, behind one of the registers wearing a store polo.

“Hey!” I grinned wide, rushing over to her and going in for a hug. She’d been like a little sister when I’d lived in Hawkins before, and I had to admit, I missed her while I was gone.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked, leaning back to stare at me, “I haven’t seen you in like… five years!”

“I know, I know. I moved back!”

“What? Like forever?” she asked, hope creeping into her voice.

“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. But definitely for a while. What about you? How long have you been working here?”

“Two years now. Dustin works here, too, but he’s off today.”

“That’s a shame. I’ll have to come back when he’s here and see him!”

“Oh, you should see everyone! We’ve all missed you so much! Even the ones of us that won’t admit it,” she giggled with an eye roll, “Mike has always been stubborn and dumb.”

“Well that’s okay,” I hummed, “I’m here now, so it’s all okay.”

“Yeah, but next time you leave, can you warn a girl first? I missed you a lot!”

“I know, I’m sorry. Scouts honor, next time I’ll shove you in my suitcase and bring you with me.”

“Perfect,” she beamed, her teeth as pearly white as always. She looked older, and she’d grown up beautifully. I didn’t know if she was still with Lucas, but if so, he was lucky.

I let go of her, getting started on my shopping. I didn’t get much, just the basics, and a few minutes later I was done and ready to check out. I wasn’t paying attention and accidentally bumped into the guy in front of me in line.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I rushed out as I pulled my cart away gently. He turned around and my mouth fell open as I recognized his pretty face.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice steady but his face gave him away. He was in utter shock.

“Steve,” I offered back, staring at him, waiting for what he had to say.

Max interrupted the short awkward silence, “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you Y/N’s back.”

He sent her a glare then turned back to me, scanning over me, settling on all the parts of me that had changed. I’d filled out more, and I could tell he noticed. I could tell he appreciated it.

I scanned over him as well, taking note of his khakis and the Hawkins Fire Dept T shirt he wore. So the truck was his. Interesting. He looked good, better than ever. He was more chiseled than I remembered, and it worked for him, from his head to his toes. And his hair was as iconic as always.

“Why’re you back?” he asked me, his voice devoid of much emotion.

“Just wanted to come back for a while.”

“A while? So not forever?”

“I dunno, Steve. I haven’t thought that far ahead,” I breathed out a laugh.

“You never did.”

My eyes dropped, shame creeping in. “I’m sorry for how I left, Steve. I just had to go.”

“Yeah,” he deadpanned, “It’s fine. Is what it is. It’s your business anyway.”

“Steve, please don’t do that,” I sighed.

“Do what?”

“That thing you always do where you pretend you’re not hurt.”

“I’m not. I might’ve been seven years ago, but I’ve had a lot of time for that wound to close, Y/N.”

“So you’re not happy to see me at all?”

“Not as happy as I would’ve been to see you on my doorstep that day.”

I knew exactly what day he was talking about. It was the Saturday, two weeks after I graduated. He’d asked me a month in advance to come over, and I agreed, not even thinking about the fact that I was leaving. He’d consistently asked me for reassurance that I would be there, and every time I promised I would. But I wasn’t.

“I’m just so sorry Stevie. I can’t even tell you how sorry I am. Of all the people I hurt, I regret hurting you the most.”

“It’s fine. Like I said, seven years,” he shrugged, grabbing his receipt from Max and walking out. I watched him go, dejected, melancholy overtaking me.

“You ok? That was rough to watch,” Max gave me a sympathetic look and I forced a smile.

“I’m good, Maxy. Like he said. Seven years.”

She stared at me for a moment, as if she was deciding what to say, an internal battle behind her eyes. “He had a party planned for you that day.”

“What?”

“Yeah. With me and the other guys and Robin and everybody. He was so excited, he never shut up about it. Then he found out you left and cancelled. He hasn’t really been the same since.”

“How’d he find out I left?”

“Your dad told him. He went over to see you and you weren’t there.”

I sighed, my eyes welling up. I couldn’t believe I’d screwed up that badly. All I wanted was a getaway, I never knew I’d be hurting so many people. I never knew he cared so much.

“Max, I-“

“Was in love with him. I know. Everybody knows. That’s why we didn’t understand why you left.”

“He wanted girl after girl after girl. And it was never me. I was never his type. I needed to get away to get over him or I was gonna live a life full of heartbreak and disappointment. But now I see how selfish that was.”

“It wasn’t selfish. Just not well thought out. Have you at least gotten over him?”

“I thought so, til I saw him look at me like that.”

I finished checking out and promised Max I’d be back in to see her, then headed to the music store. The exterior was nice. It was a painted brick building, colorful and bright. There was a huge mural on the side of it, and I knew it was all Robin’s doing because I remembered that particular building being boring and run down before I left.

I walked inside, looking around to see the inside was just as amazing. I was honestly impressed with how well she’d done everything, from organizing to decorating.

“Rob, this is awesome!” I exclaimed as I walked up to the counter. She’d been looking down, doing some kind of paperwork, but when she looked up and saw me she put it down and ran around the counter.

“You really came!”

“Of course I came, have I ever let you down?” I asked, laughing, then added, “Well, other than that one time.”

“You’re right. You did always used to come through. I don’t think you ever missed anything.”

“And I definitely wouldn’t miss this! If I’d known you opened it, I would’ve been here that day to watch you cut the ribbon or whatever!”

“Oh, it’s okay, it wasn’t that big of a ceremony. You know nothing is big in Hawkins unless you’re rich. But I get good business and I’ve kept the doors open. Plus, all the high school girls like to take pictures in front of the mural outside for their instagrams, and that’s actually drummed up a lot of business.”

“I’d imagine so. Show me around?”

She took me to the instruments section, explaining why she’d organized it the way she had and how it made the most sense. Then we wandered to the sheet music, and then to the records. Finally, we hit the cds and a little caddy full of Apple, Spotify, Iheartradio and Youtube gift cards. She also had a small section with assorted local snacks.

“This is great, really,” I smiled, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Well, I actually got the idea from you,” she nonchalantly shrugged.

“When?” I furrowed my brows and asked.

“One time, I was talking to you about how I’m just a band geek and you told me band geeks make it far in life. You suggested I either get famous or open up a huge store full of band stuff and make tons of money. You really thought I had it in me to do both.”

“You did have it in you. You could be in a real band right now if you wanted.”

She full on belly laughed, waving the thought off. “Whatever. Change of subject, I heard you saw Steve.”

“Heard from who?”

“From Steve. He called me mad because I didn’t tell him you were home.”

“Why was he so mad?”

“Well, he’ll say it’s because he just wasn’t expecting to see you and would be happy if you’d have just stayed gone. But I know it’s because he does want you here, more than anything, and all his old feelings are coming back, and he would’ve liked some wanting before seeing your face in the middle of the grocery store after seven years.”

“It wasn’t the middle of the grocery store,” I rolled my eyes, “It was the front. And he was not happy to see me, sorry to be the one to burst your bubble. Old feelings can’t come up if there weren’t any in the first place, Im just a girl he used to be friends with.”

“It was always more with you and Steve,” she shrugged, “Everyone else saw it.”

“If I’d known he planned a party for me, I would’ve been there that day.”

“I know. And he knew, too. That’s why he told us to never tell you. He didn’t want you to feel guilty, and he didn’t want you to have to come back just for him.”

I sighed, feeling even worse than I did when Steve was staring at me with that look in his eyes. I knew him, I knew his faces, and I knew what he looked like when he was hurt. I really did a number on him.

“I don’t know if I can make this one better, Rob.”

“You can. He’ll get over his anger, I promise. The way he felt about you doesn’t just go away, he has a big ol’ soft spot for you. There’s nothing he could ever hold against you, not even this.”

I nodded with yet another sigh, “Anyways, what about you? Any ladies on the roster?”

She looked shocked I’d asked, “Bold aren’t you?”

“Always have been!”

She proceeded to tell me about all the girls she’d been interested in, and all the ones she’d dated since I left. It was nice to see her so comfortable with herself, and it was even nicer to hear that she’d gotten some really cool girlfriends.

“So who are you dating now?” I asked, leaning on the counter, fully intrigued.

“Well, there’s this lady, Shelly. She sold me this building. She’s older than me, but goodness, what I wouldn’t do to -“

“You don’t have to continue that,” I giggled, “I catch your drift. Is she into you?”

“Well… she’s recently divorced from a man, but sometimes she flirts like she’s curious or something.”

“Maybe she is. Maybe she wants to taste your cherry chapstick,” I stuck my tongue at her jokingly.

We were interrupted by the bell above the door, and I turned to see Steve walking in, Eddie on his tail wearing the exact same uniform.

“Oh,” he stared blankly when he saw me, “I’ll come back later.”

“No,” I stopped him, “If me being here is that big of a deal then I’ll go.”

Robin scoffed, “Neither of you idiots are going anywhere. We’re all friends here.”

“It’s ok Rob,” I sighed, “Really, I’m fine with leaving.”

“Steve, she doesn’t have to leave, man. We’re not gonna be here long, and she’s not hurting anybody,” Eddie put in his two cents, and I smiled.

“Hey Eddie,” I walked over to him and he opened his arms wide for a hug.

“Hey Y/N. I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you more,” I poked him as I pulled away, taking in his short hair and muscles more formed than I’d ever seen them. “Fire department make you chop your curls off?”

“Unfortunately.”

“It’s a nice look,” I shrugged, “Very handsome and mature.”

Steve cleared his throat and we turned to him. “Relax,” Eddie sighed, “We’re not flirting, bro. That’s what you guys do.”

Steve blushed. He couldn’t stop himself. “Give it a rest, Eddie.”

“Not until you stop your temper tantrum and let the past go.”

“I’m not throwing a temper tantrum,” Steve rolled his eyes, and Robin took it upon herself to lighten the mood.

“Anyways,” she smiled brightly, “How’s work going today, boys?”

“Well, we have a kitten in the firetruck,” Steve sighed, and she laughed.

“A cat?”

“Yeah, Steve rescued it from a bush, it’s little foot was stuck in one of the branches,” Eddie patted Steve on the back.

“It looks like that cat Y/N used to have, the one that she cried for a week straight when it died,” Steve mused, smiling at me for the first time since I’d seen him again as if involuntarily. He caught himself though, and turned away.

“You remember that?” I asked.

“I remember everything,” he shrugged, “Wanna see it?”

“Of course!” I squealed, and he walked me outside, opening the drivers’ side door and pulling it out.

It was cute, white with silver spots all over it. It meowed as he handed it to me, climbing into my arms and clinging on to me for dear life.

“Oh, he’s perfect,” I hummed as I stared at him, holding him close to me and giving his forehead kisses.

“He’s yours,” Steve said, his eyes trained on me and the cat, “If you want him, I mean.”

I looked at him, seeing if there was any sign of joking but there was none. “I’d love to take him!”

“I thought of you when I saw him,” he admitted to me, staring at his feet and swaying nervously.

“I didn’t think you even still thought about me.”

“All the time.”

His voice was almost too low for me to hear, but I caught it and my heart sped up.

“Steve, I’m sorry again. Really. I missed you every day. If I could go back and be there that day…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” he sighed, “I was angry when I first saw you. I’m not now. I just needed to get over the initial shock, that’s all.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“I couldn’t if I wanted to. You were my best friend. I just… I just wanna understand why you left. You never told me. Nobody ever told me.”

“It’s…” I hesitated. How could I explain it to him? “It’s a long story.”

“Of course,” he nodded, “Well whenever you’re ready to, we can talk.”

“Okay.”

We stared at each other for a moment before Eddie broke the silence, “You ready to go Steve? They’re gonna be sending out a search party soon if we don’t get back.”

“Yeah,” he nodded then turned to me, “See you later, Y/N. Take care of the cat.”

“I will. Bye,” I smiled, watching him walk away.

Well, at least the anger had subsided. But I was never going to be able to explain the reason I left.

The night of my graduation

The ceremony had taken ages. I wouldn’t have cared if not for the heels that had been cramping my feet all day and the tight white dress that I wanted to rip off. I groaned as I walked to the parking lot where my family was waiting, along with my friends.

The first person that greeted me was Steve. He was always the first to greet me, no matter the place or occasion. In his hand, he held my favorite slippers, fuzzy and cozy and just what my feet needed.

“Aww, Stevie, you brought me slippers?” I cooed, pouting at his kind gesture.

“When you told me you were wearing those ridiculous heels I knew I needed to bring them so I wouldn’t have to listen to you complain about your feet hurting.”

I ripped my heels off with a vengeance and replaced them with the slippers that had cute smiley faces on them, and my face matched the expression. I pulled Steve into a hug so tight I thought we might suffocate each other, breathing him in.

“This is why you’re my best friend,” I hummed into his chest.

We didn’t let go of each other for a minute or two, soaking in the moment. Our hugs were always like that. It always felt like we were never going to see each other again. Only this time, we really weren’t. He didn’t know that, though.

He pulled away, looking in my eyes, a sparkle in his that was all for me. His eyes trailed down to my open gown and the dress under it, and he raised his brows.

“You look good.”

“Just good?”

“Really good.”

And that moment dragged on with a heated glance shared between us, eyes locked on each other and refusing to move until Robin barreled over to us, kids in tow and Eddie following.

“Quit hogging her, dingus, she’s too pretty to only talk to you,” she rolled her eyes, hugging me tightly and chit chatting about the ceremony. Steve stayed quiet though, and that heated gaze didn’t dissipate. Something felt different. Something was off, in the best way.

My family joined us, offering to bring us all back to the cabin for a barbecue and we eagerly agreed. I rode with Steve, naturally, the kids rode with my parents, and Eddie and Robin took his van.

The ride felt longer than it should’ve, tension in the air.

“Steve, what’s happening?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve never run out of things to talk about,” I shrugged, leaning over to brush a stray strand of hair behind his ear.

“We haven’t run out of things to talk about. It’s just, sometimes when I’m with you, nothing needs to be said.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I think so,” he glanced at me, his eyes sharp and cutting into my heart, right where I wanted him most. Right where he already was.

Minutes later, we pulled in the rough driveway, my hair flying all over my face. He chuckled, smoothing it out over my head before we got out, joining everyone else by the lake.

“They’ve got it decked out,” I commented as we approached, and Steve just smiled bashfully. “Did you have something to do with this?”

“Maybe.”

I giggled lightly, turning away from him to greet everyone else.

“Y/N, Steve, you made it!” my mom beamed, pulling us into a hug, “I see you ditched the gown!”

“Yeah, it was itchy,” I grimaced, remembering the horrible material.

“Well I wanted to take pictures but we can do it later,” she shrugged, leading us to the picnic table. The benches were full, though, so Steve pulled a big folding chair up and sat down, pulling me down beside him, my legs over his lap. That wasn’t unusual for us, we were always touchy and feely, always beside eachother somehow. Nobody even found it odd anymore, though the jokes about us getting together never ceased.

Everyone laughed and had a good time, and as the night wore on, I got a little sleepy. Steve and I had been up and about, but we were back in our chair, my head laid in the crook of his neck and his arms around me.

“Wanna go for a walk?” he asked me, watching everyone else continue their good time. I nodded, standing up. He stood up after me, grabbing my hand and leading me away.

We walked through a trail in the woods we’d found the first time we snuck out to the cabin together.

“Remember the first time we came out here?” he asked me, and I nodded with a laugh.

“I slipped in mud and fell on my ass. I fractured my foot, too, and I couldn’t walk. I was disgusting, but you still carried me back to the car.”

“I don’t mind getting a little dirty,” he shrugged with a wink, and I rolled my eyes. “Not with you, at least.”

Finally, we reached our destination, a clearing by the water. It had the prettiest view of the sky.

“Swim with me,” he stated, as if it was more of a demand than a question.

“Steve!” I huffed, “I can’t swim in this dress!”

“Then take it off. You have on a bra and panties, right?”

“Well… y-yeah, but-“

“Just do it. You only graduate high school once, do something crazy with me! We’re best friends, right?” he coerced, squeezing my hands and pulling me closer to the water.

I sighed, nodding slowly. “Will you unzip me?”

He walked behind me and laid his hands on my shoulders. They were warm and heavy, his grip on me soft but firm. his fingers trailed down my back to the little metal piece and he pulled it down, exposing black lace and my plain black thong. I turned to him, letting the white material fall to the ground, and the way his eyes lingered in all the places a friend shouldn’t look was hard to miss.

“Why would you wear that to graduate?” he asked, “Were you planning on getting lucky tonight!”

“I’m already lucky tonight, Steve,” I sighed, “I’m with you. Now take off your clothes and come on!”

He chuckled, his eyes darker than they’d been a moment ago, and pulled his shirt over his head, then kicking off his pants. I was greedy taking him in, his boxers tight and leaving little to the imagination.

Steve and I had seen each other like that before. We’d walked in on each other changing, and we’d swam in regular swimsuits. All of our insecurities had already been exposed so many times, so none of them even mattered at all. This felt different, though. Being in nothing but dainty lingerie had me shy, exposed.

He approached me slowly, his hands landing on my hips, his eyes meeting mine and staying. He was so close I could feel his body heat radiating off of him, goosebumps prickling my skin.

“Race you,” he smirked suddenly, twirling me out of the way and sliding past me, running to the water and jumping in. I rolled my eyes and laughed, following him and jumping on his back. We fell into a fit of giggles together as he tossed me off, pulling me into his front instead.

The giggles died out, replaced by heavy breath.

“I won,” he whispered.

“What’s your prize?” I responded breathily.

He groaned, leaning his head down into my neck and inhaling.

“You’re driving me crazy. You’re my best friend. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what?”

“Shouldn’t love you so much.”

“I love you too, Steve,” I giggled, but he stopped me, his thumb running over my bottom lip.

“I don’t think I could’ve made it these last couple years without you,” he admitted. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. Don’t tell the kids.”

“Oh, I won’t, they’d be crushed,” I nodded dramatically.

For a second I thought he’d kiss me. I thought he’d kiss me and I wouldn’t have to leave. He leaned in so close, his lips were less than a breath away from mine. But then he pulled to the side and kissed my cheek instead, then trailed his lips down, ghosting over the sensitive skin of my neck.

I let out a raspy breath, “Steve,” I barely moaned. I needed him so bad I could feel it, I could hear it and see it. I’d been in love with him for far too long. His hand tangled in my slightly wet hair, tugging lightly, pulling me in. His other landed on my side, trailing down my thigh and pulling my leg over his hip. I could feel everything, and I didn’t know how to take it all.

All of a sudden, he pulled away, his hand still in mine but the warmth gone. I whined at the loss of contact.

“We’re supposed to be swimming!” he chuckled, haphazardly pulling me under with him. And like that, the moment was replaced with something lighter, friendlier, but still close.

Later that night, Steve drove me back to my parents’ house. As he parked in the driveway, he turned to me.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” he whispered bashfully.

I stared at my lap, not knowing what to say. I wanted to tell him I was leaving, but he would just beg me to stay and wear me down until I agreed, and I would spend the rest of my life hanging on his arm next to whatever girl he wanted more than me. I was never going to be it for him. I was never going to be what he wanted. I wasn’t enough.

“Goodbye, Steve,” I gave him a sad smile and got out of the car, running inside the house.

[nadinebrooks]

Here is the link to my masterlist. - Here is the link to Part 1.

Fred Weasley x Reader: The Yule Ball Bet Part 2

Warnings: This one has some language (I just feel like the Weasleys don't have the cleanest language) also I know the Yule Ball took place in December, but please don't question the timeline and just enjoy. Thanks!

Ginny Weasley, who had witnessed the confrontation, quickly followed (y/n) out of the Slytherin common room. She found her friend in an empty corridor, sobbing uncontrollably. 

“(y/n),” Ginny said softly, pulling her into a comforting embrace. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. You know I would’ve forced him to tell you if I had known.” 

(y/n) clung to Ginny, her heart breaking. “How could he do this to me, Ginny? I thought he cared about me.” 

Ginny’s eyes flashed with anger. “Fred is an idiot, but he does care about you. I’m going to give those boys a piece of my mind.” 

(y/n) nodded, her tears slowing. “Thank you, Ginny.”

Ginny hugged her tightly. “You’re not alone, (y/n). We’ll get through this together.” 

The next day, Ginny stormed into the Gryffindor common room, fury radiating from her. Fred, George, and Ron were sitting by the fire, their expressions grim. 

“How could you?” Ginny yelled, her eyes blazing. She hadn’t even changed out of her pajamas before coming down to confront the boys. “You made a bet out of her, Fred? How could you think that was okay?” 

George and Ron looked equally guilty, but it was Fred who bore the brunt of Ginny’s anger. “She trusted you. She thought you cared about her. You need to fix this, Fred. And you two,” she said, pointing at George and Ron, “are just as much to blame. You encouraged this.” 

Fred felt a deep sense of shame and regret. “I know, Ginny, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right.” 

Ginny’s brown eyes softened slightly. “You better Fred. Because if you don’t, you’ll lose her for good.” 

Meanwhile, (y/n) was struggling to come to terms with the betrayal. She confided in Neville, who was furious on her behalf and offered unwavering support. 

“You’re too good for him, (y/n),” Neville said, his voice filled with determination. “Don’t let this break you.” 

(y/n) nodded, drawing strength from her cousin’s words. “I’ll be okay, Neville. I just need some time.” 

As the days passed, Fred tried everything to reach out to (y/n). He wrote letters, left flowers, and attempted to speak with her, but (y/n) wasn’t ready to forgive. The pain was still too fresh, the wound too deep. 

One evening as (y/n) was sitting by the lake, lost in thought, she found another note from Fred tucked into the book that she had recently been reading. It read: 

(y/n),  I am so sorry for everything, I never meant to hurt you. The bet was a mistake, but my feelings for you are real. Please give me a chance to make things right. I love you. Your Freddie 

(y/n)’s heart ached as she read the note. She still cared for Fred, but the betrayal was hard to gorget. She needed more time to heal and to figure out if she could ever trust him again. 

Ginny continued to stand by (y/n)’s side, offering support and encouragement. Over the past couple of weeks, the two girls had become extremely close. So close that Ginny invited (y/n) to spend Christmas with her family at the Burrow. 

Fred wanted to show (y/n) that his feelings were genuine, that he truly cared for her. He knew he had a long way to go, but he was willing to wait as long as it took. 

Despite the turmoil, (y/n) cherished her friendship with Ginny and she couldn’t avoid the Weasley forever, so she decided to agree to spend her Christmas holiday with them. She hoped that the holiday would bring some clarity and peace. 

Upon arriving at the Burrow, (y/n) was warmly welcomed by Molly and Arthur Weasley. The cozy home, filled with love and laughter, provided a sense of comfort. However, the tension between (y/n) and Fred was palpable. 

Arthur, who had heard about the situation from Ginny, took (y/n) aside one evening. “(y/n), I want you to know that we all care about you. Fred made a mistake, a big one, I’m not going to defend him, but I do know that he is genuinely sorry. He’s been miserable without you.” 

(y/n) nodded, her heart heavy. “I know, Mr. Weasley. I’ve been miserable without him as well. I just need time to figure things out.” 

Arthur smiled kindly. “Take all the time you need, dear. We’re here for you.” 

As the days passed, Fred finally managed to get (y/n) alone, away from the prying eyes of his family. They stood in the garden, the crisp winter air swirling around them. 

“(y/n),” Fred began, his voice filled with emotion. “I’m so sorry. I was a fool, and I hurt you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to know that I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment we started spending time together.”

(y/n) looked at him, her eyes filled with a mix of pain and longing. “Fred, I still care about you. But this hurts so much. I don’t know if I can trust you again.”

Fred’s eyes were filled with tears. “I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. I’ll wait as long as you need. Just please, I’m begging you, please don’t shut me out completely.” 

(y/n) took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but part of her still believed in the love that they had shared. “I need time, Fred. But I’m willing to try.” 

Fred’s face lit up with hope. “Thank you, (y/n). I promise I’ll make this right.”

The day after Fred’s heartfelt apology, (y/n) woke up to the sound of laughter and the sight of snow gently falling outside her window. She had a feeling that today would be absolutely magical. 

She dressed quickly, her heart lightened by the festive atmosphere, and joined the others for breakfast in the bustling kitchen. 

“Good morning (y/n),” Ginny greeted her with a warm smile. “Ready for some snowman-building?” 

(y/n) smiled back, grateful for Ginny’s unwavering support. “Definitely. It’s the perfect day for it.” 

After breakfast, The Weasleys bundled up and headed outsdie. The garden was covered in a pristine blanket of snow, perfect for their winter activities. Fred was already out there, rolling a large snowball to form the base of the snowman. He glanced up as (y/n) approached, a hopeful smile on his face. 

“Morning, (y/n),” Fred said softly, his eyes filled with a mix of hope and nervousness. “Want to hemp me with this?” 

(y/n) nodded, feeling a flutter in her chest. “Sure, Fred.” 

Together, they worked on the snowman, their hands brushing occasionally as they shaped the snow. Despite the cold, (y/n) felt a warmth spreading through her, fueled by the simple joy of being with Fred. Their silence was comfortable, each lost in their own thoughts but content in each other’s presence.

“Hold it steady,” (y/n) giggled, trying to pat the snow into place. 

“I’m trying,” Fred laughed, his cheeks rosy from the cold and exertion. “There, I think we’ve got it.” 

They both stepped back to admire their handiwork. The snowman stood tall and slightly lopsided, with a carrot for a nose and stones for eyes. Fred wrapped his scarf around its neck, adding a final touch.

“Perfect,” (y/n) said, smiling up at Fred. 

“Just like you,” Fred replied softly, his eyes twinkling as he looked at her. 

Ginny watched them from a distance, a mischievous glint in her eyes. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction seeing her brother and (y/n) slowly mending their bond. As the snowman took shape, she decided to add a little holiday magic of her own. 

Before (y/n) could respond, Ginny appeared beside them, holding a sprig of mistletoe above their heads. “Look what I found,” she said with a grin. 

Fred and (y/n) both looked up, small smiles playing on their lips as they saw the mistletoe. Ginny’s playful smile was infectious, and despite the initial embarrassment, (y/n) felt a surge of courage. 

“Guess we have to follow traditions,” (y/n) said softly, stepping closer to Fred.

Fred’s breath hitched, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked into (y/n)’s eyes, the world around them fading away. “I suppose we do.” 

(y/n) leaned in, her lips brushing Fred’s cheek in a gentle, tender kiss. It was a simple gesture, but it spoke volumes. It was a sign of forgiveness, of hope, and of the possibility of a new beginning.

Ginny cheered, clapping her hands. “There you go! Now that’s the holiday spirit.” 

As the day wore on, the Weasleys continued their holiday festivities. They built more snowmen, had a snowball fight, and warmed up with hot cocoa by the fire. The house was filled with laughter and love, the perfect backdrop for healing hearts. 

That evening, as the family gathered around the Christmas tree, (y/n) found herself sitting next to Fred. The tree was decorated with twinkling lights and colorful ornaments, and the room was filled with the comforting scent of pine and cinnamon. 

Fred turned to (y/n), his voice soft. “Can we talk for a minute?”

(y/n) nodded, her heart beating a little faster. “Sure, Fred.” 

They slipped away from the others, finding a quiet corner in the cozy living room. Fred took a deep breath, his expression serious but filled with emotion. 

“(y/n), I know I’ve hurt you deeply, and I’ll never forgive myself for that,” he began, his voice trembling slightly. “But I want you to know that my feelings for you are real. They’ve always been real. I’ve fallen for you, (y/n), and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to you.” 

(y/n) looked at Fred, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. She felt the walls around her heart begin to crumble, replaced by cautious hope. “Fred, it’s going to take time for me to fully trust you again. But I am willing to try.” 

“I’ll wait as long as it takes. I promise I won’t let you down again.” His face lit up with relief and happiness. 

“Let’s take it one day at a time, then.” 

Fred happily nodded. “One day at a time.” 

The evening continued with the exchange of gifts and stories. Laughter echoed through the Burrow, filling every corner with joy. As the night wore on, (y/n) found herself sitting by the fire with Ginny, their earlier conversation coming to mind. 

“Thank you, Ginny,” (y/n) said softly, taking Ginny’s hand. “For everything.” 

Ginny smiled, her eyes twinkling. “That’s what friends are far. And besides, I couldn’t let my brother mess things up completely.” 

“I’m glad I have you in my corner.” (y/n) laughed, feeling a warmth in her heart. 

“And I’m glad you’re in ours,” Ginny replied, giving (y/n) a hug. 

Fred watched two of the most important women in his life getting along. He knew that it was going to be a long haul, but he was willing to do whatever it took for (y/n). 

She glanced around the room before her eyes met his. She smiled and him and his heart started rapidly beating. 

“Merry Christmas Freddie,” she mouthed before turning her attention back to Ginny. Yes, it was a very Merry Christmas indeed. 

[agendabymooner]

goodnight n go ! max v. x ofc (hearth sister!ofc)

“it’s bad enough we get along so well.”

summary: there’s a way to make a graduation celebration better than to have her photos taken by the paparazzi, and max verstappen makes sure she remembers that. OR the dutch driver is making it hard for sylvie to dislike him. (1) (2)

content warning: use of explicit language

note: i wrote too much blurbs yesterday of max verstappen.

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lando.norris proud of you best friend!!!

charles_leclerc congrats sylvie!! (the master debater part isn’t that necessary)

tillymarie so so so proud of you lovie ! keep it up !

Photos were taken left and right by the time her family stepped out of the Sheldonian Theatre. Her black grad gown, she couldn’t wait to take it off. There’s three or five paparazzi that were by the gates, asking to get her photos taken— but she didn’t want to look in their direction, wanting to celebrate her accomplishments with her sisters and her mother after the grueling four years of school. Was she ever thankful that her private school had offered the advancement program. 

She was a graduate at 18– all thanks to the program and the money that her mother had invested into her education. Sylvie was so much like her sisters, but she had gotten into her post secondary education earlier because of her intelligence. Tilly had moved a year up after having herself assessed, but Sylvie… She's the only one who’s managed to get to college early due to the practically perfect marks that she had gotten throughout the years.

“Sylvie, can you just pose with your sisters for a moment?” Her mother begged as she held the digital camera, lens pointing at Sylvie, Stevie and Aimee. “We need a photo to put up in my study.”

“Maman, there’s a lot of paparazzi,” Sylvie whined, stomping her feet lightly. “I’m sure they got something for us.”

“They’ve been told to stay within a certain distance,” Stevie nudged Sylvie. She smiled and murmured, “Now smile. I need some photos to post.”

“I don’t like you,” Sylvie grumbled before her mouth quirked, hearing her mother’s camera clicking. That… and the many clicks of the cameras from the gate did too. It was meant to be a celebration for her family and friends only. It turns out, her life was everyone else’s too. 

Posing for a few more pictures, Blanche Ford finally put the camera down and grinned. “Well, do you want to get your photos taken with your friends?” 

“Already had enough taken earlier, Maman,” Sylvie sighed, “I want to go home and see Soren now.”

She didn’t want to celebrate. The past few weeks were rough. The Spanish GP had taken a toll on her energy and mental wellbeing; the last thing she had wanted to do was host parties or call for celebration. Whatever they had planned for today, that wasn’t her doing.

All she wanted was to see her two week old nephew and retire to bed after. 

But her family had a different plan. She only found out when they made the drive back to Brackley. 

Their home there had been built long before anyone was even born. It was only purchased by Blanche by the time her divorce papers were filed and signed, making it a home for her three daughters. They grew up there, and they didn’t even know that a few minutes from their place was the Mercedes AMG Petronas headquarters. It was funny how that worked because Tilly never really met Toto despite visiting the town. Sylvie still laughed about that. 

The estate was something of a peaceful place. Sylvie loved it there. She made it a goal to spend her Christmas breaks at home seeing as university was only 27 minutes away. Now, not only was she staying there again, but Tilly and Toto moved to another neighborhood that’s only 10 minutes away from their estate. It was an easier commute for Sylvie if she wanted to visit Soren. 

But her thoughts washed away when she opened the front door and heard the screams of, “SURPRISE!”

Sylvie caught the graduation cap that she nearly dropped. What the hell is going on, she asked herself. 

The foyer wasn’t fully decorated but anyone who had never seen the full estate would say otherwise. Balloons that spelled out ‘Congratulations’ were hung up and reflecting due to their metallic appearance. The marble columns by the two spiral staircases were fully wrapped in artificially made hydrangeas and other perennials that made the muted foyer colourful. As if those weren’t enough, the arch leading to the halls were decorated with garlands and flowers, string lights putting a wedding reception to shame because of how warm it made the house’s appearance. 

“You are not supposed to be here,” she finally found her words as she pointed at Toto, who was merely laughing at her bluntness as he approached her with a smile, hugging her as she wrapped her arms as much as she could around him. 

“Congratulations, maus,” Toto grinned, “I’m so proud of you.” 

That party that Tilly and Blanche held for her started there, but the discomfort that she was feeling while she wore her university uniform was unbecoming. So while she was having a conversation with Lando and George, she excused herself for a second to head upstairs and change her clothes. 

Life really was full of surprises, Sylvie told herself hours after she opened the door to her bedroom and found her vanity area cluttered with shopping bags and piles of books. She could have sworn that she hadn’t purchased any books lately, too stressed out to even look at a back synopsis. She also knew that there were some things sent to her by designer houses and brands that were trying to hire her — graduation gifts, her agent told her a day ago. But those gifts were downstairs according to Tilly. So she wasn’t exactly sure where this came from. 

Looking at the corner of her bedroom, however, she moved quickly as she grabbed the blue envelope from the foot tall teddy bear that she swore she never had either. The envelope was addressed to her. Well… it’s addressed to a “B. Mustang” making it easily known to her who had written the content inside. Regardless, she opened the envelope and read the message. 

“Mustang, 

Congratulations on surviving university. I heard it sucks there. I hope you like this bear— I called him McLaren. At least we have something to not argue about, no?

Also I hope you like the gifts I got you. It’s the least I can do. Enjoy your celebration! Wish me luck for the next race.

Love,

O. Cadillac.”

She had never been so frustrated over a man before. She swore. She hated having to see his face at the paddock or the garage but she had never been so angry about appreciating him or liking him. He made it difficult for her to dislike him, she hated that. 

She wanted to toss out the Dior, Cartier and whatever the fuck were dropped off at her bedroom. Everything that came from him, she wanted to throw out. Even McLaren the Teddy Bear. She wanted to despise him so much because of how shitty their history had turned out to become. But it’s not going to work like that anytime soon, she told herself. She was going to work with him one way or another and she’d have to work with him professionally. Clearly hatred didn’t work out for her— she was so grateful for the gifts he had gotten her and she was slowly returning the same feeling that he had.

She told herself that she could stay in her room for another fifteen minutes and looked down at the letter in her hand. With a sigh, she pulled out her phone and began typing. Her right hand typed and searched for his name and the other began to open the little bags first. 

[oh-saints]

sunshine becomes you (pt. 4)

Being a footballer means Martin possibly has every resources in his whim. Well, except the one thing he needs now is only available in the hands of his (ex) girlfriend.

Grumpy!Martin Ødegaard x Sunshine!OC

Word Count: 4.0k

Note: please, please, please don't hate me for this lolol but we're going for a rollercoaster, odegirlies, so brace yourself! but as usual, i happen to write this around dawn so ofc not beta-read yet. feedbacks are welcome tho!

Tags: my lovely loves @julianalvarez9 @formula1tina @okayline @mehrmonga @mrswhitethornbelikov @notleclerc <3<3 (lemme know if you want to be added!)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5

It seemed Martin couldn’t operate around her if there was no false pretense standing between him and Eve.

The moment the clock literally struck 12, lightning struck back Eve’s life and returned them to normalcy. So normal that everyone else but her barely noticed the apparent changes unravelling around London Colney; she was back to Eve the receptionist, and Martin was back to his constantly-grumpy state to no one but Eve.

No more was the beautiful-looking couple captivating the entire Christmas Gala with their explosive, fantastic chemistry that shunned even the longest relationship existing in the same room.

She’d like to think going back to square one was better, given their real circumstances, but Martin wasn’t giving her any edges. Worse, he’d gone barely seen, and that was saying a lot when Eve was known to be the ghost of the building, for her immaculate presence all over the facility.

Some said he snuck in when Eve was always busy running errands; some said he arrived before anyone else in the morning; some said he clocked out later than the security team.

Final straw came when everyone was gathering in the canteen to bid Eve farewell on her very last day of working in the amazing club. Every single person working at London Colney—including Bob, even—applauded her for the fantastic job she’d been doing for the club, despite the short time shared on the grounds. A certain Norwegian blonde, however, remained unidentifiable until the 15-minute town hall before lunch ended.

Much to the front liner’s dismay, most turned to Eve about it. After all, Eve and Martin were still an item in their eyes. Eve could only do so much as replying, “we just don’t want you guys to be sick of us,” whenever the question of Martin’s avoidance towards crowds was raised, while chucking in the tears that were threatening to slide down her cheeks because she knew better—she knew the truth.

It shouldn’t be breaking Eve’s heart, but the damage had been done.

Eve wanted to badly lie to herself that she was doing that out of spite, that pulling out that degree of stupid stunt was her futile, foolish attempt to get him running after her like those chick-flicks she stashed in her library.

But Eve knew better—reality didn’t fit into Cinderella’s pair of glass heels, especially for someone like her, who fought for proper living standard every day to make ends. Eve and Martin were raised in different circumstances, made from worlds apart, meant for different purposes in life. There was no way they were going to be together—not in this lifetime nor any other alternate universes—as this wasn’t some written fairy tales.

She couldn’t afford a heartbreak when she’d foreseen the fruitless future if she were to share one with him, just like she couldn’t afford the gown she’d returned in the same satin box he’d delivered to her door.

This is for the better, she hypnotised herself as she placed the soft, expensive box on Martin’s bench, trying to pale the ache slicing through her chest. You have a realistic life to live.

Fuck rom-coms. She was going to discard each and every one left in her library as soon as she enjoyed her two-week notice.

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Obviously, with that being said, Eve didn’t have the heart to throw away the only outlets for her to escape the harsh reality for someone who came from a working-class family and inherited the reality of working 9-to-5 like her. Especially when those fake-dating tropes—ironically—reminded her of all the wonderful time she spent with Martin, no matter how fleeting and fragile those moments were.

Weeks after the Christmas Gala, Eve could now proudly say she thought of them as something precious because when else were you indulged in the luxury of being in Martin Ødegaard’s arms, acting or not?

Her best friend bit her ears off for taking the whole thing “like a champ”, as if her heart was made of steel when she was legitimately allowed to swallow the bitter pill while crying her heart out. Eve actually considered doing them, specifically during the first week after the painful no-show of her last day, but she decided against in and focused on the positive notes.

Dwelling over negatives wouldn’t turn around the fact that someone as great as Martin Ødegaard was destined for someone his calibre, someone that was definitely not Eve.

So it didn’t make any sense when she found Martin, already leaning against his car with hands in his pocket—undoubtedly hiding them against the cold air of a very early morning—as she walked down the porch of her flat. From where she stood, frozen at the unprecedented event unfolding before her eyes, his side profile gave away nothing but pursed lips, like he was holding off his thoughts from spilling.

Oh, how much Eve wanted a penny for that beautiful mind of his.

But she couldn’t. Unlike the night of the Christmas gala, Martin revoked her access to them. What used to be something easy for Eve to read between the lines was now guarded by a fence so high it put Wall of China to shame.

“Martin,” At his name being called, the owner of the name stood up straight, and—god damn it—Eve’s heart raced at the movement, for it reminded her of what happened between them in front of that sketchy backdoor toilet. “What are you doing here?

Despite being missing on action for weeks, Eve hated how much Martin still affected her, body and soul. She wasn’t even nearby Martin, distance between them were about 100 metres but might as well have the Atlantic between them like they used to be.

But no matter the palpable distance between where they respectively stood, Martin, on the other hand, would always be able to pick up her signature breathy voice that went only slightly above a whisper. It was the very sound he didn’t know he could miss hearing.

Like she was breathless, like he’d taken her breath away. The same way she did his.

If only he could tell her that… But instead of mulling over endless possibilities that couldn’t happen—not when Eve herself didn’t give them a chance, something she’d blatantly said at the end of Christmas gala—Martin stuck to the one thing he excelled at; choosing reality.

“Angel,” Words flowed effortlessly from Martin’s mouth but his smile was rather tight on the corners, and Eve hated it already when she knew first hand how blinding his real, true smile could be. “I see you’re going to the flower market.”

Had Eve’s eyes not focused on taking in Martin’s appearance, she would’ve swooned at the fact Martin remembered her little peculiar antics of getting a fresh set of flowers every Sunday from the flower market.

But his dishevelled presentation, so striking to the well-kempt display he always had everywhere, stole away her attention. It wasn’t only the mess on top of his hair, of his blonde locks gone astray to every direction; it was also the garments he threw on without a care in the world, all in black, like he was mourning.

His blue eyes descended to the deepest pit of the ocean, no longer shining in the glint she loved the most, especially bright against low lights. Like those eyebags were swallowing them whole, like those eyebags were a blackhole instead of dark circles.

His cheeks sunken, no longer protruding as high as a skyscraper, so different to the image of a Viking everyone labelled the captain as. If Eve didn’t know any better, she would’ve guessed Martin had undergone those cosmetic surgery of buccal fat removal.

He looked so haggard, as if he’d lost weight; exhaustion personified. She could only wonder why—perhaps Arsenal’s losing strike took a toll on him—since asking his well-being was not on the cards anymore, not since they stopped pretending to be lovers, not since Martin didn’t give them a chance.

Martin took his open opportunity when they fell into a pregnant silent. “I’ll take you there.”

“Why are you here?”

“I said I’m taking you to the flower market,” He said, as easy as the wind breezed past them. “What kind of boyfriend am I to let my girlfriend to roam around such crowded places so early in the morning?”

The indifference he showed, both in words and action, caught her off-guard. He was back to display the whole no-shit-sherlock attitude around her, complete with the expressionless face, like she should know the most obvious fact, and Eve had to remind herself that this was the real Martin, not the one that fooled everyone attending the Christmas gala.

Including Eve herself.

“You’re not my boyfriend, Martin.”

“In the eyes of the public, I am,” Martin shrugged his shoulder so nonchalantly, as if it didn’t hurt Eve to know he was doing just fine barging into her life like it was the most natural thing to do for him. “My family included.”

Wait, what?

“I need your help,” He continued, his hands moved from the pockets of his jacket to the pockets of his jeans. It scared Eve when he said those massive, literally burdensome words with squared shoulders and calm demeanour and collected composure—she felt like she was his opponent on the pitch. “My family went to the game today, only to be ambushed by many congratulations that I’ve scored a wonderful, lovely match of a girlfriend. One that that they don’t know of because it’s one I never tell them—”

“Because she doesn’t exist.”

“She did during the gala, but that’s not the point,” Martin had to grind out his teeth from the inside, the perfect epitome how her words gnawed his heart from inside out because while they were nothing but facts, it didn’t make them any less hurtful to him—and to what could’ve been between them. “They want to have lunch with you today.”

Martin let out the last sentence with a heavy puff of breath. With the way his jaw ticked tightly, Eve could tell he hated saying that, like he’d take any other option but to ask her to pretend once more if he had the chance.

Maybe he’d told his family about us pretending but his family didn’t accept such a ridiculous pretense that they forced him to talk to her, and that the lunch was merely their effort to amend them. “You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was,” See, he even wished to have nothing to do with me anymore. Did he hate me so much? “You should know by now that being honest with you is something I wish to uphold.”

 “Even when our relationship is a farce?”

Martin didn’t have the heart to answer it, and Eve didn’t have the heart to acknowledge the pregnant silence.

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

“You had a game today, you’re supposed to be resting.”

Boyfriend or not, Martin really intended to come along by Eve’s side to the flower market, despite her initial protests and complaints. No one in the right mind went to the flower market alone at 2 in the morning, without a proper transportation on top of that.

Taxi and Uber certainly didn’t count as a safety mode of transportation for Martin. You never know what can possibly happen in that small space of four-wheeler—we’ve seen too much of real-life cases that happens to women.

I’ve been doing this for ages, but she failed to realise that just because something never happened to her, it wasn’t going to happen. In Martin’s defence, he had a sister himself and he didn’t want anything bad happen to Eve the way he didn’t want them to happen to his sister.

I am used to this, Martin, but she didn’t have to get used to those things. She didn’t have to get used to all these dangerous things she downplayed as normalcy because he knew that she had the options, she’d definitely want to take the tube or buses. She could be having what her heart desires—she should be.

No matter what went down between them at the end of the day, Martin would certainly give her a flak if she settled with someone less than what she deserved.

And no, that lucky bastard didn’t have to be Martin.

It wasn’t going to be Martin anyway, Eve made it clear at the very end of their contractual relationship once a long while ago.

“Can’t sleep well lately, anyway.”

Martin’s phlegmatic manner was now in sync—his actions were now as schooled as his facial features. His hands ran down the flower petals thoughtlessly, not giving anything of his mind away, just like his hardened expressions. Aloof, and Eve took it as a sign to reduce her small talks.

“You should see Doc about it.”

“You think I haven’t done that?” Eve’s hearts plummeted along with the way he sputtered the words, as if she should be smarter about the whole ordeal, and this time Eve was the one who had to school her expression so Martin couldn’t see her disappointment towards his attitude—he must not see them. The last time she gave away too much of her, she ended up doing rom-coms marathon with a tube of Ben n Jerry’s. “Doc’s prescribed me something but it’s no use,”

It might be the stress talking…, Eve tried to reason with herself.

“I don’t see the point of meds, to be honest,” Martin let out another heavy sigh as his hand ran through his hairs, messing them in frustrations. “Not when I’ve been restless since you’re gone.”

How could she possibly have a proper response to that?

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“There they are!”

Martin didn’t even have the chance to open Eve’s door completely before his mother ran down the porch towards his car to engulf Eve in the warmest hug Eve had ever gotten from a woman. Funny—despite never meeting his mother before, Eve had the most familiar feeling around her, like they were old friends reunited, and she didn’t know what to feel.

Partly because she didn’t share the same sentiment with her own mother, partly because she felt guilty that his mother had already welcomed her in this house like she was truly Martin’s girlfriend when, in fact, she wasn’t even close to what the word meant.

It didn’t even take his mother a minute to lead her towards the house, like she owned the residential instead of a visiting his son’s abode, asking if Eve had any food allergy that she should be aware of. That was amongst the things she questioned; others were trivial questions in order to get to know his son’s girlfriend.

With the swift pace his mother was speaking, though, Eve had to look beyond his mother’s shoulder to throw a help-me look to Martin because there was no way she could survive this on her own.

Eve couldn’t bring to hate herself for always seeking Martin’s aid this time around, no matter how much she wanted to be free of him. Like she promised herself internally just before she plopped down beside Martin on the passenger seat.

“That’s enough, mamma,” Martin strode his way towards the two of them, one hand reached for his mother’s that was grippling the life of Eve to set Eve free, before both hands clenched her shoulder gently. “She hasn’t even taken off her coat, but she’s allergic to shrimp and other soft-shell seafood.”

“Oh no, I’ve made crayfish—”

“It’s okay, she can have your venison,” Eve didn’t have time to discern anything because everything happened at the same time she didn’t even have time to breathe, not even the fact that Martin had gained information on her allergies, so she was lucky Martin took over the conversation. She shed her coat when Martin wordlessly tugged the wool piece, both of their eyes still set on the powerhouse that was his mother, and at that interaction, the matron smiled wider. “By the way, my mother makes the best venison, solskinn. Glad you can finally try them.”

“Ah, the infamous roasted venison you love? What’s that called again?”

“Dyresteg,” His mother answered for her, before Martin could have the chance. At the speed of lightning his mother unknowingly possessed—at least, one that he got to know of until today, in front of Eve, more over—Martin forced himself to look up from the set of eyes that reminded him of the deer but belonged to Eve. “I see that Martin’s told you about his soulfood.”

“He can’t shut up about it,” Eve elbowed Martin teasingly and the man replied by faking pain at it, which resulted in them both laughing without constraint. Without an underlying justification called fake dating between them. “Maybe I should learn one thing or two while the master is here so I can cook them for you.”

“That’s—” Eve’s response, however, startled both Martin and his mother. While Martin was rather taken aback at the genuine tone Eve used—because now he really couldn’t draw the line which one was the real Eve, unlike the night of the Christmas gala—his mother was caught off guard because she couldn’t recall the last time someone had ever offered to do such thing for Martin. Living in a different country meant she couldn’t cook her son’s favourite dish whenever she wanted to, and so far the girlfriends her son managed to take home didn’t care about anything beyond the luxury he could give them. “That’s very lovely of you. I hope you bring your notes.”

But to say she liked Eve already would be an understatement. Eve didn’t make it difficult to take her into everyone’s good side, as well, and as a mother, Eve had nailed in the moment she typed down every instruction she was giving Eve to make the perfect dyresteg. And maybe also little moments where Martin stole little pecks on her cheeks from behind whenever he was getting his brothers and sisters something from the fridge—because she knew her son only did that out of gratitude, the same way he used to do it to his mother whenever she was cooking this particular favourite dish of his.

At one point of cooking, everyone was flocking the kitchen and before they knew it, Martin’s brothers and sisters were already drilling the Norwegian captain’s embarrassing stories during childhood.

“Do you remember the time where he got lost because he followed someone he thought was mamma?”

“No way!” Eve’s eyes bulged out in pure surprise that Martin couldn’t help but laugh, instead of stopping his older brother’s beginning of Martin’s most embarrassing anecdote. “What happened?”

Martin’s mother noticed Eve’s focus was slowly shifting from dyresteg to the tale Christoph was giving so she dismissed the younger woman, only for Eve to realise there was no seat left on the kitchen island.

Martin didn’t think twice to pull her by the waist towards him, “Come here.”

“This feels oddly familiar,” Eve laughed under her breath, not wanting to disrupt Christoph’s flow in retelling his story, but enough only for Martin to hear, as she settled in the room between his legs. “Don’t tell me to sit on your lap again this time, we have your youngest sister watching.”

“Yes, mother,” Their position, her back on his front, eased up Martin’s way to reply her in a whisper, and they fell back to the smooth flow they had constructed during the Christmas gala. “I will behave.”

And behave he did. Without further words, Martin gave up his seat for Eve while he stood by behind her. His mother didn’t miss the way Martin never let go of Eve, always having an arm around the woman’s waist at least.

She also didn’t miss the way they’d look at each other when laughing, the way her hand covered the one Martin was placing around her hips, or the way he’d kissed the small spot on the temple above her ears while she stroke his square jawline back and forth. At one point, Eve laughed so hard at Christoph’s story that Martin had to envelope her into a back hug and hid himself in the crook of her neck so naturally it almost felt like watching water moulding into a medium’s shape.

She wanted to be jealous, as a mother, but she realised that her son was slowly building a life—his own life—here with someone he truly loved, and as a mother, she couldn’t be happier than knowing someone had taken care of her son very well, especially when he was living too far from her for a mother’s liking.

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“Let me help you with that.”

Eve almost dropped the plate on her hands at Martin’s voice creeping from behind. She insisted on washing the dishes—or putting them to the dishwasher, depends on your standard—not because she wanted to play the good girlfriend card, but because she was raised that way; if someone else cooks, dishes are on her shoulder.

She was used to be misunderstood by other about it but before she could explain herself, Martin stepped in and said, “Let her be, Mom. She’s always like that and I can never win.”

Creepy would be an understatement of how well Martin knew things she never had disclosed to anyone.

“You should’ve told me you have such a big family,” Eve tried to break the ice that stood between them, so thin it was barely there, but present nonetheless, especially with the way they stood so close with one another. Shoulder to shoulder, Martin reached for utensils and ceramics Eve finished cleaning. “I would’ve come more prepared in facing your brothers and sisters.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Martin said, and although Eve didn’t see them, she could sense a small smile blossomed in his face. “I hope they don’t overwhelm you.”

“Not at all,” But Eve had to chuckle because come to think of it, Martin’s brothers and sisters could be overwhelming. Maybe they’d got under her skin if she was not pretending to be Martin’s girlfriend. “They’re all so fun to be around with. I wish I have siblings to banter with like yours.”

Martin laughed at Eve’s teasing jab. He could never live down the stupid anecdotes his siblings shared when he was just a kid, could he now?

“So grateful you don’t work at Arsenal anymore,” He crouched down to insert all of the cleaned dishes to the dishwasher. “What a disaster if you spill them to everyone at Colney.”

It wasn’t supposed to rub Eve in all the wrong way but it somehow did. Was he that truly glad to be rid of her?

“Please don’t let me stop that.”

Eve looked up to Martin, who was now standing towering over her, eyes zeroed down on her with a look she couldn’t decipher. And maybe she didn’t want to figure out what lied beneath them, for she was terrified the answer would only hurt her. It was something she found out just now that Martin was rather good at it.

She gave him a small smile to hide what she was thinking, grounding herself to not give any piece of her away and reminding herself the last time she did give herself away, and Martin already hated them. Eve and coerced smile didn’t belong in the same sentence. “Stop what?”

“You smiling. I’ve missed that a lot.”

*solskinn means sunshine in norwegian.

[violasghost]

Thoughts on Emily in Paris S4, Part 2

S4, Part 2 Spoilers below....

Although S4 part 1 was much happier for Emily and Gabriel, it was inevitable that they had get past the love triangle between Emily, Gabriel, and Camille. Unfortunately for Gabriel’s sake, he failed to successfully balance his relationships between the two females masterfully. So instead of an essay style review, thought I would break it down character by character.

Gabriel: Where to begin with him? This guy is all over the place. He’s always been wishy washy, but even moia who has been a fan of Emily x Gabriel pairing since S1 was a little disappointed in him. So, he can spend Christmas with Camille’s family for a couple days, but can’t hop on a plane to Chicago? Despite Camille’s family place being closer to his restaurant, it was kind of a weak excuse. As far as the skiing incident, I understand that he was in-between a rock and a hard place with wanting to protect Camille’s fake baby, but Camille had mentioned that she was an expert skier, and she was certainly not in any peril but in a split second, he leaves the inexperienced Emily in the dust. Despite Camille’s family plotting against Emily and Gabriel as a pair from the beginning, Gabriel illustrated Emily’s worst fears, that he cares more for Camille/baby than he does about Emily, even when Emily was scared. And yes, sometimes people make mistakes and had there been a sincere apology and Gabriel going after Emily after she left, perhaps there would be some grace given, but he pretty much let Emily leave without much argument and then he shut her out for the remainder of the season. He really is shit at communication. I’m kinda on team Emily after that breakup. Gabrielle needs to earn her back if he ever wants a chance again.

Emily: Although Emily is far from perfect, I felt for her when she was all alone on Christmas and then ran into Alfie who had clearly happily moved on. (I’m glad for Alfie by the way. He deserved a happy ending.) I get that Emily not learning to be fluent in French is part of a schtick because we arrogant Americans expect everyone to speak English, but I think being in Paris for more than a year (right?), she should be more fluent in French by now. That said however, I did think it was unfair that Gabrielle at his low point criticized her flaw for not ever speaking to him in French when she was already down. Emily’s fatal flaw however is that she tries to gloss over all of her feelings and she never really takes time to process. It probably would have been healthier for her to be alone for awhile, but that would be boring TV I guess. One small sign of growth however, I’m glad she did not tell Genevieve about the available apartment, and I liked that she told Camille that she no longer tried to plan too far into the future. I think Emily is no longer wearing the rose-colored glasses and is starting to realize that life is messy and rather than planning everything out, she is trying to carpe diem more.

Camille: I know she’s got a huge fandom on Tumblr but I still think she’s kind of a selfish biyatch. She wants Gabriel, then she doesn’t, so she ruins Emilys relationship with Alfie, and then Emily and Gabriel get together and Camille decides she wants to ruin that relationship because her relationship with Sofia didn’t work out. And she never really came clean about her lying about her fake pregnancy. Might have made a difference in preserving Emily and Gabriels relationship had she told Gabriel weeks or months earlier when she found out that she was not actually pregnant and has been carrying on a ruse for some time-but she doesn’t care about that or being held accountable for her actions. Personally not sure someone who is so selfish should be a mother, but if she winds up being a single mom, she’s going to learn some hard lessons. That is unless she tries to hook Gabrielle again due to his desire to also raise children.

Genevieve: That girl is trouble. I’m predicting it right now. If there is an EIP S5, she’s going to try to take over Emily’s life, ‘Single-white female-style.’

Sylvie: That woman is forever fabulous, but not sure what’s going on with her and her Laurent. It was odd that he took off so quickly leaving Sylvie to deal with his offspring. I don’t blame Sylvie for playing the field again, but think there are some things that she likely needs to tell Laurent. It felt like this season, Emily was rubbing off on Sylvie so perhaps Sylvie will want to keep things more black and white with her work life and relationships, which might not be a bad thing since Sylvie didn’t seem all that thrilled to learn that Laurent went to NYC on numerous occasions to hook up with Genevieve’s mom. Also like that Sylvie is turning into a type of mentor for Emily. Love their ever-evolving relationship.

Mindy: I’m very happy that Mindy stuck to her guns and found some success. Thought that Nicola was turning over a new leaf early on, but it looks like he chose to be cruel like his father instead. Although I hope Mindy can still find her way back to Emily since they are so close and their relationship is the true heart of the show.

Luc & Julien: Love those two. My favorite moment was when Julien told Genevieve that Emilys desk was warm enough. Glad someone put her in her place. I imagine next season they are going to have to wrestle with her two-faced antics again.

Marcello: He seems like a gentleman and a nice distraction for Emily. But if there is a S5, I predict an unhappy end for him. Reading in-between the lines he’s pretty perfect, but perhaps almost too-perfect. I’m wondering why he was so rigid in not wanting to discuss business with someone he claimed to care about, and why he was unwilling to agree to come to Paris to see Emily again. Although now she is in Italy so there is not an issue, but predict that should Emily want to return to Paris it looks like he would not be willing to make the commute.

Whew, so this turned out to be a longer review than I thought, but it was an entertaining season. I do wish however that just once, showrunners wouldn’t be afraid to invest in a romantic couple without having to break them up all the time. Romance can be interesting in a committed relationship as well. Anyhow, hoping they get a S5 and Emily gets her happy beginning too.

P.S. BTW, hate that Netflix is now running ads during the shows. Such bullsh*t that even if you pay, they still run the ads. Not a good move for Netflix IMHO. Hope they don’t lose a bunch of subscribers this way.

[persephoneflowerpetals]

Sorry for not being very active on here

Just wanted to give an update because a lot has been going on with me and I haven’t even had the time or energy to think about writing or being on this blog because of everything lol.

So, I recently got into a car wreck on the 14th on my way to work. Some guy was trying to make a left turn into the neighborhood I live in on the highway and his engine stalled and (even though he saw me coming and knew that his 20+ year old car had engine problems) he pulled out in front of me to cross but because his engine stalled he didn’t make it and I crashed into him. I’m okay btw!!! Luckily and thankfully I only made it out with a bruised leg, but my car is in bad shape and is most likely totaled because the engine went out after the crash and I couldn’t move my car out of the road nor could I even get out of my car from the driver’s side, I had to escape from the passenger side.

So…yeah, there’s that and I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental health issues because my work has been overworking me and pushing me to my limit and I’m honestly getting really tired of giving my all and breaking my back for this store and getting nothing out of it, like not even a raise (when I asked for one they said it was “being processed by corporate” and apparently this raise has been in the works for me since December so…I don’t think I’ll be getting a raise any time soon tbh and even if I did get a raise it probably wouldn’t be enough to keep me there). Like, just last Wednesday I had a stressed induced illness because I was so burnt out from work and worried about stuff that it made me physically ill so (for the first time ever in 1 year of working at that store) I called out sick (and then that same week I got into the wreck so that was great).

I’m currently working on finding a new job because what I’m dealing with now is getting ridiculous and I honestly really want to be on here and talk to you guys and make posts like I used to, but I feel like I can’t anymore because of life and that sucks. Legit, my boss is making me work 35 hours this week (AFTER MY CAR WRECK 😑) even though she knows what I’m dealing with right now and knows how overworked I am. She had the nerve to say “I don’t want to overwork you” as she adjusted my schedule for the 3rd time because someone who is CONSTANTLY calling out in the store (and they refuse to fire her for some reason AND there’s another employee that’s going to be out all month) can’t come to work for the rest of this week so I have to cover for her. Oh yeah…and you know what else??? I have to train a new employee on top of all of that. I’m not a manager. I’m not even full time. I don’t get vacation time or sick days or paid holidays (even though we literally only get 2 holidays off and that’s Christmas Day and Thanksgiving Day, so not that it even matters anyways) or any kind of benefits. And I don’t get paid extra for training new hires. It’s ridiculous. My boss even asked if I felt comfortable training a new employee after what I’ve gone through with the wreck and how stressed I am (which I respect) and I told her no because I really am dealing with a lot and don’t need the stress of training someone on top of that, yet here I am so…I’m just tired of being a doormat for this company and letting them treat me like a workhorse. It was fine at first because I needed the money (and I still do), but the lack of sympathy after the wreck and being so overworked and stressed that I became physically ill is concerning and I think it’s a sign that I need to move on and find something else.

So yeah, sorry for the rant there but I just wanted to share what I’m dealing with and what I’m going through. Like, I still have stuff at home I have to deal with too and financial issues (and getting in a car wreck certainly doesn’t help that at all), so yeah. I have an interview tomorrow for a job that would really be beneficial to me and would be a perfect fit for me and I’m really hoping and praying I get the job because it’s would just help me so much and it’s such a good job!

Anyways, I know I share updates a lot, but I realized I haven’t really been active on here and I just wanted to share why and kinda release some tension because I’m really going through it lol.

[beforeiread-studies]

Ballet as an adult beginner - first 6 months

I'm 22 and I signed up for an adult beginner ballet class in September 2023. It is now February 2024 and I have Things To Say.

My background

I've played Just Dance. That's the full amount of my dancing experience. Nor do I have any natural talent. My idea of dancing is jumping in place while throwing my arms around. If I can do ballet, you can too.

My experience

I take beginner adult lessons at a dance studio (no drop-in classes).

After the first lesson, I didn't want to sign up. We did what I can now recognize as extremely extremely EXTREMELY basic barre exercises, floor barre and arm movements. They are the building blocks of ballet and a precursor to everything else, but as an absolute beginner you don't know that and it can feel very boring & underwhelming.

But I realized: the worst that can happen if I sign up is being bored 2 times a week + some muscle gain and an improved posture. I decided to commit to one trimester and reevaluate after Christmas.

GOSH I'M SO GLAD I DID.

At the beginning, it's boring. It's ok. It's normal. Just keep going! In just a couple of lessons, the difficulty level increased and everything started to make sense too.

Our teacher is great. Those first simple exercises slowly built up our strength and coordination and each class became a little bit more challenging, a little more rewarding.

Soon, I found myself smiling broadly every time I walked home after a lesson. I became excited about every little improvement. I realized that I could do it, and more easily than I would have ever expected. Most importantly, I realized that I had always secretly wished to dance but I had never acknowledged it to myself.

And I'm very glad I've finally started.

Class structure

I do 2 1-hour classes a week. We start every lesson with barre exercises ie moving one leg and arm at a time while the other foot stands firmly on the ground and the other hand is on the barre to help with balance (at first, you will probably start with both hands gripping the barre).

Then we might do centre or diagonal exercises or both if there is enough time.

Centre is basically the barre exercises, but without any barre to lean on. You might think you've mastered an exercise at the barre, then get thrown in the centre and find yourself completely out of your depth again. That's ok, it's normal and you will get better. We also do jumps and various pas/ways to walk towards left/right.

Diagonal exercises is walking in diagonal from one corner of the room to another, but you are going to walk in weird ways. So far we've done things like pas de polonaise and preparation exercises for pirouettes.

During the first few lessons, we only did barre and floor barre, so don't worry about centre and diagonal just yet.

Before enrolling I had this idea that we'd do the same exercises over and over again for hours, with no breaks. But it's not like that. There is a "routine" at the barre that we do every lesson, yes, but every exercise is repeated only 1 time per lesson (per leg). That still allows you to improve quite quickly. You'll be amazed at your progress from just one week to the next.

Also, at first, the classes were very light but now they are a full-on workout so don't be deceived.

Other stuff to know

Can I learn ballet on my own? I don't recommend it, especially if you are a complete newbie like me. There are so many things I do wrong that I never even notice until my teacher points them out to me, again and again. If you don't know what you are doing you'll end up in weird positions that will just make the exercises harder + possibly injure yourself. A good teacher is also going to tailor the lesson plan to your needs and goals. If you can, go to live lessons, either in person or online.

What should I wear? Every school has its own rules but they shouldn't be too strict. I simply throw on some leggings, a tight-ish t-shirt and a zipped-up hoodie. It's important that the clothes more or less adhere to your body, so your teacher will be able to correct your posture more easily ie no oversized t-shirts. The only thing you really need are ballet shoes and your teacher will be able to direct you to a shop. Mine cost around 25€.

Will I lose weight? Maybe. I didn't lose weight according to the scale but that's probably because the little I lost became muscle. My arms are certainly stronger and in general I feel better in my own skin.

Will I become more flexible? Yes. We do a lot of stretching exercises.

Will it improve my posture? Yes. Or at least, you'll become more aware of your posture, which is a start.

Do I need to learn the terminology? Depends on your teacher. I didn't, because my teacher is willing to explain again and again what the various French words mean. Perhaps yours will be more strict.

Am I too old/too young/too fat/ too something else to start ballet? No. In my class, I'm the youngest at 22, while the oldest student is 52. We all have different body types. Some of us had previous dancing experiences (as children) and some didn't. Most of us were absolutely inflexible at the start and are slowly improving. And frankly, if anyone gives you shit about your age or body type or skill level, that's not good people and you should get out of there ASAP.

Just go for it!

*check the weblogs for updates*

[daemonsfilms]

On Thin Ice

Daemon Targaryen × Rhaenyra Targaryen

CW: incest, face slapping, breeding, rape/non con, choking, uncle/niece, age difference, vaginal fingering, cunnilingus, oral sex, face fucking, spanking, overstimulation, light daddy kink, vaginal sex

Word count: 2,494

Chapter 1: The Triple Axel

Summary: Rhaenyra grew up figure skating, for years she dealt with a horrible coach, but when Daemon opens up to her about his past with coaching figure skaters he agrees to coach her and for her next competition he pushes her to compete and perform a triple axel, a move she’s never done before.

———————————————————————————

It was almost time for the competition and Rhaenyra still hadn’t perfected the triple axel. 2 weeks. 14 days. That’s all the time she had left to get this right. Her coach, who was also her uncle, wasn’t making this any easier. Making her practice into the late hours of the night until she was practically falling asleep on the ice.

Balancing work and school and competition practice was starting to take a toll on her and it was showing. Spins were getting sloppy. Balance was getting more wobbly. She fell more times yesterday than she had in the last 10 months.

“Nyra what the hell is going on?” Daemon asks as she makes her way off the ice. She ignores him putting on her skate guards before carefully walking over to the bench.

“I asked you a question”

“I heard you” she states dully.

She sits down and bends over to start untying her laces. Carefully pulling the skates off she stretches her feet. Right as her uncle is about to repeat the question she answers.

“Uncle, I’m balancing school, exams, work and practice. You forcing me to stay on the rink till 1 am isn’t helping the way you think it is. I’m tired. I need a break uncle please!” She pleads looking up at him. He towers over her. His long blonde hair up in a ponytail, his black hoodie with her local rinks logo on it fading. Adidas sweatpants. Worn out Nike shoes.

“I know Nyra, trust me it hurts me to be doing this to you but I’ve seen how upset you get when you don’t win competitions. It breaks you for days. Weeks even sometimes. I’m pushing you because I care about you Nyra. I want to see you succeed and win this” he says quietly, sitting down next to her.

He’s right. The last time she got second place she didn’t eat for 4 days. Didn’t leave her room for 2 weeks. Stopped taking showers. Stopped socializing. Skating was everything to her and getting anything other than first place meant failure.

“I know uncle. I’m just so tired” she whines as she places her skates into her practice bag. She gets up and walks over to her locker and grabs her hoodie and slides it on. Walking outside the cold December air hits her face, reminding her that Christmas is only around the corner. She grins at the thought of what her uncle will get her this year. Last year it was a new laptop and new set of skates! To this day she hasn’t stopped thanking him for them.

She opens the door to his truck and shoves her bag in before climbing in and buckling herself in. Daemon starts the truck up and they start heading home. She watches him, watches as his jaw clenches each time there’s a red light, the way he grips the steering wheel. He’s so focused. She loves watching him when he’s focused.

Rhaenyra and her uncle have always been close. She’s always preferred him over everyone else in her life. So when he told her about his past with coaching figure skaters she immediately began to beg him to be her coach. At first he said no. It was unprofessional. They’re family members. There’s better coaches. Finally after 3 months he said yes. Now 5 years later she’s won 34 competitions, most first place of course. He’s been the best coach she could have ever hoped for. The only thing is she started developing feelings for him. She knows it’s wrong, he’s her uncle, but she can’t help the way she feels when he’s guiding her on where to put her feet before jumping.

When they both get home to the apartment they share Rhaenyra drops her bag in the couch and heads to her room.

“Nyra you can’t leave your bag on the couch” Daemon calls after her. She groans turning on her heels to go back and grab it. Finally in her room she takes off her clothes and grabs a pair of shorts and a t shirt and puts them on.

She pushes her chair back and moves some clothes that she discarded on her floor over the last few days and makes room to practice.

Ok now swing your leg and- she gathers enough momentum to launch herself in the air, spinning three times before landing back on her feet swinging her leg up behind her. She did it! She finally did it! Now only if she can land it on ice tomorrow.

She does a few laps around the rink. She can feel Daemons eyes staring into the back of her skull each time she passes him. He knows she’s stalling. She does 3 more laps before going to the end of the rink. She breathes in and out. In and out. She calms her breath before beginning to move. One foot in front of the other she picks up speed. As she reaches the middle she swings her leg forward launching herself in the air. 1, 2, 3 spins. Her skate hits the ice and she skates backward swinging her leg out behind her to complete the move. She doesn’t fall.

She stops. She can’t believe it, she’s landed a triple axel. She’s been training for 2 years to land a triple axel and she’s done it! She can hear her heart beat in her ears, blood rushing through her veins. Muffled, she hears Daemon yelling and cheering.

“You did it Nyra!! You fucking did it! You landed the triple axel!” He cheers from the sidelines. She rushes over to him slamming against the wall of the rink. He takes her face in his hands, staring into her eyes. She’s grinning from ear to ear. Without thinking he brings his lips to hers. She freezes.

This is wrong. He’s your uncle!

She pushes those thoughts away. She’s wanted this for years. His lips are soft, softer than any others she’s kissed before. She deepens the kiss opening her mouth to let his tongue in. Soft moans leave her mouth. He sighs before pulling back. She steps off the ice putting her skate guards on. He picks her up and brings her to the locker room. Placing her on the bench he bends down and unties her skates. He places them in her bag before turning back to her.

“I’m so proud of you my little Nyra” he whispers. He caresses her cheek. He picks her up again before sitting down and placing her on his lap. Kissing her again he slowly makes his way down towards her jawline. Then her neck. Softly sucking on the skin, not too hard as to leave marks.

“Mm Daemon that feels so-“ she’s cut off by Daemon kissing her lips.

“No talking”

He slowly slides his hands under her shirt feeling her stomach. Her bare skin underneath his hands. He removes her shirt throwing it to the side. He stares down at her. In awe. He has the most beautiful woman on his lap right in front of him. He buries his face in her neck. She wraps her arms around his head. They hold each other like this for a couple of minutes before he moves back, reaching his hand behind her to unclip her bra. He throws that to the side to before bringing his hands up caressing her tits. She exhales sharply, feeling his cold fingers begin to roll her nipples between his fore finger and thumb.

“Daemon please” she whimpers.

He looks up at her. “What did I say?” He says looking into her eyes. She nods before grabbing his hand bringing it back to her breast. He continues to caress her. The cold air from the rink making goosebumps appear on her arms. He brings his head down, attaching his lips onto her nipple and sucking. His finger rolling and tugging the other between his fingers. She gasps as she weaves her fingers through his hair. He sucks hard, flicking his tongue every few seconds before continuing to suck. He moves his head to the other nipple giving it the same treatment.

He picks her up and lays her down on the bench. Her back his the cool wood and she shivers. A smirk spreads across his face as he kneels, dragging her butt to the edge of the bench. He reaches up to the waistband of her leggings before pulling them down her legs. He traces his finger along her hip, slowly moving over the wet patch on her underwear. She tenses. He rubs his hands on her thighs, gripping them before slowly and gently rubbing them again. She’s breathing heavy as he brings his face closer to her cloth covered cunt. Feeling his hot breath through her panties she begins to squirm.

“Don’t fucking move Rhaenyra” he scolds before slapping her cunt with the palm of his hand. She jolts and let’s out a yelp. He pulls her panties off.

“You have the prettiest cunt I’ve ever seen” he whispers. He spreads her cunt immediately latching onto her clit. Suckling softly she begins to squirm. He holds her down by her hips as he starts to suck harder occasionally licking a stripe up her cunt before going back to sucking on her clit. She throws her head back moaning loudly. She snakes a hand down to grip at his hair.

“Daemon! Please!” She shouts, whimpering and whining he plunges his tongue inside her as he brings his thumb to rub circles on her clit. The stimulation soon becomes too much and her legs start shaking. He goes back to her clit before shoving 2 fingers inside of her. Pumping them in and out slowly while he begins to nibble on her clit. She yelps in pleasure, pulling his hair he groans sending vibrations through her body. He speeds up his movements adding a third finger, filling her completely. She squirms and thrashes.

“Daemon I’m coming! Please!” She screams.

“Don’t you dare cum, not until I say so”

She holds it as he continues to speed everything up. Pumping his 3 fingers in and out of her, his lips wrapped around her clit she’s not sure how much longer she can hold on. Moans getting louder, panting getting heavier.

“Cum for me”

She lets go cumming all over his hand. Her back arches as she screams. Cunt squeezing tightly around his fingers, he continues to slowly pump his fingers in and out of her as she writhes. Her juices leaking all the way down his arm. He pulls his fingers out, bringing two of them to her lips. She obediently opens her mouth and he shoves his fingers inside. She swirls her tongue around the two digits sucking hard looking at him through her lashes. He feels his cock twitch in his pants, it’s been painfully hard this whole time. He groans as she pulls off his fingers with a pop, a string of saliva following suit.

He stands up unbuckling his belt, and taking off his pants. Rhaenyra immediately pops up and shoves him down onto the bench.

“It’s my turn uncle” she smiles. He pulls off his boxers while she gets on her knees. Taking his cock in her hand it’s warmth fills out her palm as she pumps. She begins to kitten lick the tip of it, never fully taking the head in her mouth. She gathers spit in her mouth before slowly dripping it onto the head of his cock watching it slide down the side. She does this two more times in order to lube up his cock so she doesn’t hurt him. His groans grow louder with each passing minute. She gently wraps her lips around the head of his cock, beginning to move her head up and down taking more of him down her throat each time. Precum leaks from his tip hitting her tongue. He’s salty and bitter but still sweet. She moans at the taste of him, sending vibrations through his cock.

“Fuck Nyra!” He grunts, bucking his hips a little too hard causing her to gag. She pulls back a little before taking more of him in. She keeps one hand on the rest of his cock that isn’t in her mouth and brings the other to massage his balls. He begins to whimper as she bobs her head more quickly, getting close to cumming. He pulls her hair into a makeshift ponytail and gently thrusts his hips, his cock sliding down her throat. She begins to gag and sputter but he ignores it. He’s so close. He lets out one last groan before cumming, shooting hot white ropes of cum down her throat. He pulls out and pumps his cock with his own hand finishing off on her tits, painting and marking her.

He picks her up one last time placing her on his lap, wasting no time he guides his cock to her cunt, shoving himself in. She gasps and holds onto his shoulders as he fills her.

“Wait, Daemon it hurts wait” she whimpers, he kisses her neck softly. She wraps her legs around his waist, his cock knocking into places inside her she wasn’t even aware existed. Slowly he begins moving his hips. With each thrust she gasps and moans and whimpers. He grunts hearing her whimpers which only spur him on. He’s not gonna last long and neither will she. His thrusts get more rough, bottoming out completely each time. She kisses him again, shoving her tongue inside his mouth. Tongues dancing together as he pulls on her hair. She moans when he presses his body against hers even more. Pulling each other together as close as possible. Bodies entwined as he fucks her. Soon his thrusts become sloppy. He pants into her neck.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum” he grunts out, slamming his hips in as hard as he can.

“Cum inside me Daemon” she moans out.

He pulls back and looks into her eyes. “If you win this competition I’ll cum inside you as many times as you like my sweet girl” he says quietly. Their foreheads press together and he thrusts, one, two, three more times into her before he pulls out and lays her on her back and cums on her stomach. Pumping his cock to get every last drop of cum. He’s panting and sweating, hair sticking to his forehead. Her chest rises and falls as she lays on the bench. He grabs one of her towels and cleans up her stomach before he scoops her up in his arms and holds her for a little bit longer before helping her get dressed again. Quietly they both walk out to his truck and drive home. That night instead of sleeping in her own bed Rhaenyra climbs into bed with Daemon and falls asleep with his arm wrapped around her waist holding tight.

—���—————————————————————————

[martsonmars]

Happy Sunday, friends! And happy Easter/bunny day/chocolate day/egg hunt day to those who celebrate <3

Thank you to everyone who keeps tagging me even though I keep going MIA, and thanks @hushed-chorus and @stitchyqueer for the tag today! I'm still struggling with writing, but this past week I started two new WIPs and had some ideas I'm really excited about, so I'm feeling a bit hopeful. Sharing something from both my new WIPs (so a thousand sentences and not 6) because I miss validation hahaha.

1. Story I started writing on Friday to process my feelings about something that happened that day. I don't know when I'll continue it because I need to be in the right headspace. This is the end of it, because it's the happiest part and that's what I needed to write 😂

“Right, sorry, I'll leave you to your...” He waves at the storage unit, and Basil can't blame him for the confusion. What do you call something like this? The physical trace of three generations of nostalgia and silences and grief piling up on the shoulders of one. “I'll leave you be.”

But no, this is wrong.

This isn't what Basil meant.

He cannot stay here alone with the ghosts of his past.

“Are you going home?” he asks Simon.

“Dunno,” Simon shrugs. His entire body goes along with it. It makes Basil hope. “Am I?”

That's an opening. An invitation. The chance for Basil to grasp the moment and let himself be.

“I need to eat so much cake that my stomach will hate me for a month,” he says, and Simon's entire face lights up like a kid's on Christmas morning.

“I know just the place.”

Second WIP and tags under the cut!

2. This one was supposed to be fun and flirty but for now it's mostly melancholy feelings. Sharing two snippets because I can't pick one hahaha.

Nine days since he showed up at their monthly showdown in an apron, his mask barely covering a flushed face and a halo of windswept curls making him look like a warrior angel come to bring an end to all sinners.

“Being a hero doesn't pay the bills,” he shrugged, yanking off the apron and throwing it off the roof. (His bicep flexed even more beautifully when it wasn't covered in red spandex.) “And not all of us have the luxury of daddy's money.”

‘Not all of us’ indeed, Baz thought, but he couldn't let the way those words were affecting him show. He couldn't stop embodying the image of the perfect villain he'd worked so hard on, or what would be left?

//

This shouldn't surprise Baz either. It doesn't.

Of course this is the kind of place that would make him feel at home, because isn't it what heroes do?

The real heroes, not the ones hiding in comic stripes and showy clothes and sensational acts that break more than they fix. Not the untouchable ones.

But the heroes who know that the only way to change the world in a way that matters is to hold out a hand when people fall even though you can't fix the bumps in the road that made them falter.

To help them stay afloat and swim to shore even though you can't relieve them from the weights that are sinking them down.

I hope I can finish this one soon!

@wellbelesbian @urban-sith @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @facewithoutheart @palimpsessed @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @johnwgrey @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @whatevertheweather @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @letraspal @dragoneggos @captain-aralias @takitalks @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @gekkoinapeartree @bazzybelle @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @basiltonbutliketheherb @ivelovedhimthroughworse @nightimedreamersworld @artsyunderstudy @ionlydrinkhotwater @yellobb @orange-peony @ic3-que3n @whogaveyoupermission @yeonjunenby @erzbethluna @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @shrekgogurt @raenestee @onepintobean @theearlgreymage @technetiumai @jbrrring @brilla-brilla-estrellita @thewholelemon @theimpossibledemon

[pinkhairedlily]

day 1/12 of maligAYAng pasko (christmas snippets) prompt: coffeehouse, sasusaku by @nabissante

“Iced americano, grande, for here.”

Her name’s Sakura, one of their cafe’s afternoon regulars. She’s easy to spot and remember with her pink hair and emerald eyes and her books that change cover every week. Other staff would have fought for this shift; these are the dead hours after all, when students are stuck in classes and office employees are in their cubicles. Silent, patient service for people with no time commitments.

That leaves him the indulgence of soaking in her presence on the corner table by the window. Too preoccupied in following the worlds in the pages to notice that her coffee has gone cold so he always offers to make them iced. They are nothing more than nods and gestures and good-afternoons and please-come-again.

She arrives between 1 and 2 PM and leaves exactly at 5 before the evening crowd drowns the line.

On this certain summer when the heat wave reached a new peak, she was late.

 2:30 PM. No walking cherry blossom on sight.

2:48 PM. Maybe she’s sick.

3:01 PM. She might have other important appointments.

3:27. She enters the cafe looking like summer itself with her yellow sundress and espadrilles, but her usually calm face contorts in thinly veiled annoyance from the person trailing behind her. 

They look like a mismatched couple of all sorts. Sakura heads to her designated spot but the businessman with his fancy envelope bag prefers to sit near the counter.

Sasuke doesn’t know what kind of urge comes over him, but he heads beside the source of Sakura’s affliction and places a ‘reserved’ sign on the surface he tapped a while ago. “This is taken, Sir. May I suggest the corner table by the window? The views of Hanami Park around this time are still beautiful.”

Behind the struggling businessman, Sakura peaks out and directs a smile at him. ‘Thank you.’

The meeting — or whatever that is — finishes in 10 minutes. Relief is plainly visible on her face when the stiff businessman exits the door. 

“May I get your order?”

“I already ordered one.” She points to the still-full, now-lukewarm americano in front of her and grimaces.

“So?”

“An affogato. I need something sweet.”

“Coming right up.”

“Thanks, Sasuke-kun.”

Maybe it’s the way she calls his name that makes him turn on his feels, his mouth agape. She is ready for the question he is yet to ask; her hand gestures to an invisible nametag on the upper left side of her chest.

“Ah.” It’s foolish to think there’s any other reason.

The following week, it’s someone more gentlemanly, could have easily passed off as noble or royalty, and Sakura feigns interest until the point where he starts caressing her hands. Hot cappuccino injures him, but it’s the dark stain on his crisp suit that angers him.

This is Sasuke’s first customer complaint, but it never gets written when you have a charming Sakura appeasing the pseudo-gentleman’s ego.

She couldn’t stop laughing when she finally had the table alone.

Sasuke deftly replaces her americano with affogato. “Just the way you like it.” 

The week after that, an avid car racer. Not hard to identify when he sports an F1 jacket while it’s almost 30 degrees outside. The facade breaks when Sasuke brings over a coffee table book on vintage cars (sure it’s just lying around somewhere), and the racer fails to read the captions.

“So you like vintage cars?” she asks over the dollop of ice cream on top of her lips.

“I don’t know a thing.” He crosses his arms and straightens his posture. “But I can read.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

“Oh shush. Scarlett is only human.”

Thirty minutes or more of mundane conversations of anything from books to customers to weirdest orders bookmarked Sasuke’s afternoon encounters with her. They border seamlessly on casual talk, never drifting on the personal, and this, he thinks, is the line that will forever bind them as strangers.

But that’s all right.

He likes talking to her. This much is good.

It becomes clear to Sasuke that it’s a ploy of Sakura’s machinations. Bad customer service drives away bad marriage prospects. The string of dates finally ends right before autumn with a four-eyed gamer who is more intent on convincing Sakura to shift to kindle and abandon paperbacks.

Of course, it’s a no. On both fronts.

“Do you like your work?”

Clients normally ask this, right? “Inasmuch as the pay lets me live.” Sasuke wonders if she’ll follow it up with a deeper probe, but she shifts, and so he buries the news. 

Why would he even tell her something so life-altering?

xxx

Her sundresses give way to knitted wear, and affogatos turn to hot lattes with a dash of cinnamon. It would surprise her, but Sasuke departs the counter to another staff. Since then, coffee has never tasted the same.

As the branches bare their leaves for snow, the cafe gets fuller. Sakura considers leaving early to give way for new customers. Her time spent inside drastically shortened right after his absence. Somehow, reading books on that quaint corner of the building isn’t enough.

She’s bookmarking the same page she is in two hours earlier when someone sits in front of her.

“Oh sorry, I’ll be leaving in a jiff,” she says without looking.

“Sakura.”

It’s her favorite barista. Dark hair tucked inside a bonnet. An affogato and hot americano in both hands. Tomato nose from the cold. And a book trapped in his chin.

“Sasuke-kun?”

“You’re on your way?”

Sakura settles back in, confused for a moment, but definitely torn between misplaced anger and …yearning. “No, not really. If you don’t mind.”

“How are you?” He slides the affogato to her side as he takes in his first sip.

“Where were you?” She doubles and then quickly recovers, “How are you, I mean?”

“I was busy opening a new cafe.” He looks fulfilled at his declaration.

“Oh wow. That’s big news. Congratulations!” She attempts an enthusiastic clap, but it sounds flat even to her own ears. His sudden appearance is overwhelming for her who got so used to it in the past few months to the point that she falls asleep to the rewind of their conversations in her head.

“I also wanted to prepare before dating someone.”

Did she hear that right?

Dating.

Could he even see how that affects her? Gut punch after gut punch for a thing she couldn’t quite name yet — didn’t want to name yet. 

Sakura was so intent on not getting married. Even had him looped in her plans to foil every blind date and in turn she was rewarded with this irrational fixation towards him.

“Oh, look at you. I hope it goes well.”

“I hope it does, but I don’t think it will.” He takes another sip, calm in his composure. “You see, I just gave her an affogato I brewed myself, but she’s not interested in drinking it.”

“That’s a pity —” She stands up in realization. “Huh?”

“I’m asking you on a date, Sakura.”

She slumps back to her seat in surrender. “You ghosted me.” Now it’s his turn to look equally dumbfounded.

“What? You weren’t interested.”

“Why would I endure long conversations with you when I cannot even stand 10-minute ones with those guys?”

“Because I’m your server?”

“Shut up.” Sakura laughs. “So are you taking me to dinner?”

“Yeah. I had to drink two americanos, but I think they only made me more nervous.”

[tarmac-rat]

💕 Gush about your OC 💕

✨ Post 5 facts about your CP77 OC.

✨ Open the latest section of #cyberpunk 2077 tag and reblog 5 posts of people you don’t follow, giving them nice tags.

✨ Tag 5 people to spread the game.

Tagged by @wanderingaldecaldo !!!! Which means yes, we're back to talking about Riley. I'm gonna try to keep this one as BRIEF as I can, and do more "fun" facts that I've been sitting on about her over the past 3 years of planning:

__________________

❤️ - Riley isn't a food nut but she LOVES shawarma. It was the first meal she ever had with Jackie after he brought her into the city and she and him (plus Misty and Vik) sometimes used to go to this one hole-in-the-wall shop around the corner of her apartment during the 18 months they worked before the heist. Her go-to order is syn-lamb with all the add-ons, no onions, and extra sauce on the side for dipping. She and Jackie both have signed eurodollars on the wall because they got dinner there like twice a week.

💛 - Riley is Indigenous American/Mexican, her mother Ivy being 100% Navajo and her father Felix identifying as both Mexican and Apache (don't ask him the percentages of each-- he doesn't know and he sure as shit doesn't care). Riley finds it hard to identify culturally with any of her backgrounds, however, because of her life growing up on the road, and Navajo customs and traditions fell out of the Bakkers over the years save for the stubborn few who still hold onto them. Her mother tells her some things here and there, but it's a part of her that she regrets not knowing more about once she leaves the Bakkers for Night City.

💚 - Riley's cybernetic right foot ends in a modified blade-- not a knife blade, a sprinter blade, like a runner would use-- and as a result she literally cannot wear heels. Flats only. She tried to shove her foot into a kitten heel once and she tripped on her way out of her apartment. It wasn't a good look. Please consider getting her more sneakers and boots for Christmas. Additionally, as a result of having one leg be made of mostly junk metal, her legs are actually not the same length (left leg is 1/2 an inch longer than her right), and she has to make a conscious effort not to trip over her own feet when she's moving hurriedly.

💙 - Riley's had her nose broken around 3-4 times throughout her life (three from fights, one from falling off her motercycle) and has never once gotten surgery to correct it, so it's pretty...let's say "askew". She actually has problems breathing out of it a lot of the time but in terms of medical issues that need addressing, this is LOW on her list, so she never actually does anything about it.

💜 - Riley was a massive horse girl growing up and actually dreamed about seeing a real-life horse one day when she was a child (a dream she still has, even if she'd rather die than ever admit it). She used to draw pictures of horses and hang them up in her family's tent, and every time the Bakkers would stop at a new town she'd try and barter with the townsfolk for any books about horses that weren't in the clan library. If she ever got one of her own, she already has names picked out-- Atticus for a boy, Maisie for a girl.

I would tab people but I'm pretty sure everyone in the fandom has done this one, so I'm gonna take a quick break and just say that if you haven't, consider this my invitation to you!

[manonamora-if]

Last one of the month!

So this one was an unexpected surprise... Essentially, woke up in the middle of the night with an insane idea, could not go back to sleep, wrote/coded for 4h (and spent 4h-ish the next day to translate), and BAM! this happened.

You can find the game here! I've shoved it into 3 ranked jam (well, two, but one of them for 2 diff languages), if you want to vote for it too...

small note: essentially half the plan was scrapped because of time constrains. I might do an extended version in the future?

Current wordcount : 9.327 (FR) + 920 3.898 (EN) new Coding update : 20% change

Oh boy, did we manage to do some things this week for this one!! I wasn't able to add much in the French version (it is still incomplete), so I focused on the translation, filling the gap for the former when needed. This meant I could clear out the first beat of the game, and part of the second one (currently working on it). I am about 1/3rd fully complete. I also worked a bit on the UI, fixing the sizing (essentially copy/pasting the template again) and adding themes.

Will it be ready for EctoComp? I have two more days to try!

After reviewing 40 IFComp entries, I am tapping out for now. There are still 3 more weeks left, so I might play but not review them. It is a bit more than half of the entries, and more than last year… So many long entries. I'm tired.

~

I did an AMA last Friday, and answered all your burning questions until there were no more (about 2h). It was loads of fun! Thanks again for sending questions :)

~

What's happening in the IF sphere:

Speaking of the IFComp: 3 more weeks to play and vote for 5 games! If you have about 2h to spare... there are a handful of 15min entries :)

The voting for the inkJam is underway (wink, wink, scroll above): there is a 5-game voting queue before you can vote for any other entries.

The entries of the EctoComps are about the be released. This is ALSO a ranked jam, so consider voting for a few. La Petite Mort category are games created under 4hs, so they are usually fairly short.

Last chance to enter the Bare-Bones Jam!

Missed a jam deadline or you have a concept you're not sure you can finish? Throw it to the @seedcomp-if.

~

Now, there's a lot I've been wanting to reorganise with the way I've been sharing progress/communicate and where, especially since working on revamping @crimsonroseandwhitelily.

This is pretty long, so I stuffed it all under the break.

First order of business: Monthly check-ins A shortened version of the monthly check-in will be publish on itch from next month on, on the first of each month (unless IRL gets in the way). It will recap what I did the previous month and the plan for the next one, as well as other news of what I am organising/doing aside from game-making. The longer versions going into more details and wishy-washy feelings, also including fun events to participate in and recaps. You know, the usual. Those too, will be posted on the 1st of every month. I'll also have separate posts for jam announcement.

Second: Weekly check-ins These will continue to be published every Sundays (usually mornings EST), even if Sunday is the 1st of the month (will be up before the monthly check-in). The format won't change: recap of progress on projects, other stuff to mention, maybe some events to participate in.

Third: AMA I've been doing AMAs at hella random times, and on a whim, but I'd like to do those more often, because they are fun, and with a more set date/time, so more of you can participate/not miss it (like I did last Friday). Maybe once a month type of thing, around the start or end of the month probably. I'll at least do one more before Christmas.

Fourth: Where else to get updates I've tried out a bunch of places, and while Tumblr feels the most easy/comfortable right now, I don't want to rely on one place only to share releases and big updates (who knows what will happen to Tumblr). I want peeps to be able to have options about where they can get news/updates (esp if you don't want to create an account on a specific website). I'll need to update the nav post about this (maybe have a carrd? or mailing list?), and be more consistent about updating all these places. I need to find some log-ins again... For now, Tumblr will be the most comprehensive one. And I'm not updating Twitter, btw.

Fifth: Update calendar So this year has been so far pretty different from what I hoped to do (mainly because I've participated in so/too many jams), good progress has been done in some places, none in others. That's on me, obviously, I get distracted by new ideas. I can't promise that next year will be much different and that I will stick to a rigorous calendar of updates. Time management and hobbies are like oil and water... But I want to be more careful with how I map my year and where I put effort. Working on remasters and participating in jams has shown me I can do quite a bit in short spurs. And I think I could manage to close more small WiPs if I put my eggs in order (participating in jams/comps usually stops quite a bit of that progress). I think coming to term with leaving some projects be would help a ton. Not everything needs a remaster/update.

Sixth: Itch Pages Update + Trailers? With each remasters, I've tried to be more consistent with the formatting of the itch game page, with screenshots and links to relevant pages. While this should be something to do from the start (with the OG release), with the way I've been release things, I can at least try to make it happen after release. I've struggled a bit for some entries in what to include, ngl. Text-based game seems much duller than non-IF. Also, and somewhat related, I'd like to make trailers for some of the games, mainly the longer completed ones. Also because they look neat and I've never done that before. I have no idea where to start, how to do them, or what to include, but I'm excited to learn! But realistically, this won't be something I'll start this year...

Seventh: Stop with this jam nonsense. So this is more something that's been requested by anons relentlessly in my inbox (esp CRWL's inbox, which I've been deleting every time), than me actually stopping participating in jams. First of all, lol at those request. I participate in/organise them because it's fun and it makes me want to create more not before I personally want to make you suffer by making you wait for months for an update (legit got this as a message). Should I calm down with participating in jams? Maybe. I've made 9 new games this year alone (not counting promps and templates), with varying length and completion (1 is incomplete, 2 needs fixing, at least 1 should be longer), which 50% more than last year. It's not sustainable for me to do the same next year, especially if I want to finish more of my WIPs (I can't just add more to the pile). We will see what next year brings in terms of jams... I will probably submit an entry to multiple jams. Jam FOMO is real...

Eighth: Blog(s) regorganising I've started with CRWL already (it's back up with limited posts), and it will take a bit of time to have everything back in tip top shape. Aside from purging/re-writing posts, I'll also be updating the interface (I'm thinking or re-wroking it from scratch) to make it more mobile friendly. The same will happen at some point with this blog. I want to clear out unnecessary posts/reblogs, and have a better tagging system (the more projects I have, the worse it becomes...).

!~

And finally, I think I'm gonna need a few weeks of a proper break. IRL has been weird and I'm mentally exhausted. I don't know whether I need a break from everything or just the internet... but I might be away for a bit for sure. doomscrolling has not been helping either...