#i still hate van

[axisjr]

TIMING: June 14th, 2023 PARTIES: Nora @honeysmokedham & Van @vanoincidence LOCATION: A Latte to Love SUMMARY: Van runs into Nora once again with the pink drink. This time, Nora is prepared and sidesteps her. WARNINGS : N/A

Van wasn’t sure that more caffeine was a good idea. She had stayed up all night playing games so that she wouldn’t think. So that if she closed her eyes, she’d see the bright hues from her screen instead of the face of somebody who she didn’t think she was ever supposed to know. It was easier, distracting and distancing herself from everything that had happened. It was easier to pour herself into what she enjoyed than it was to confront the very thing that made her so desperate for the distractions in the first place. But she was paying for it now. She did her best to stay hydrated, her grandmother’s voice ringing in her ears with every sip of red bull she took. She tried her best to stay fed, too, but it was getting harder to not gorge herself on uncrustables instead of anything with actual nutritional value. 

Like a zombie, Van shouldered the door of Latte Love open. She wasn’t watching where she was going, but luckily, the person she had nearly run into had stepped out of the way. Her drink went everywhere, pink coming to splash up on her shirt, as well as across the sidewalk. The espresso shot at the bottom of the cup leaked out of the crack of the cup and she stared downwards, mortified. It took her a moment to look up, but when she caught Nora’s gaze, she could have laughed. Instead, she sagged against the wall and held her face in her hands, a high pitched whine leaving her. She felt sticky and embarrassed, just like that day in New York. This time, at least, Nora didn’t seem like she’d gotten any on her. “You’re like a magnet.” Taking a deep breath, she looked between her fingers at Nora. “For frappe’s.”

–

Latte to Love was just a place Nora ended up gravitating to. There were always new people going in and out. There was the barista she liked to torment. Then there were the scenes she could cause if she went in to make a new friend. The location held the ability to feed many aspects of her needs: food, fear, fun. It all depended on who was around at the time. As Nora approached the building, she caught a glimpse of a familiar face exiting the premises. A pink drink was clutched firmly in her hand. This was a moment of true Deja vu. Nora knew how this panned out. Without skipping a beat, Nora stepped to the side. Just in time as the pink drink splattered everywhere. 

Van's face was covered by her hands, but Nora could smell the familiar fear drifting from her. Something had changed. A scent in the fear had shifted becoming deeper and more powerful. Nora took a deep breath in as she wondered what event changed her friend's fear. Was it because of Debbie or something before? Nora crossed her arms looking down at the mess splayed in front of them. "I think you are bad at carrying things," Nora stated noticing a tiny flick of pink shown on her combat boots. She wiped it off against the pavement. "Have you tried carrying different drinks? It might work better for you."  

–

“I’m not…” Nora was right. She was bad at carrying things. Or maybe it was just the pink drink she so sorely wanted. Van sighed and wiped her hands off on her jeans, grimacing at the way her fingers felt sticky with sugar. The drink probably wasn’t even the best choice, so maybe it was for the best that it had gotten destroyed. “Usually bad at it.” Only when it mattered, she guessed. How many more times would she throw a frappe at Nora’s feet? She looked down and noticed flecks of pink on her boots and she bit the inside of her cheek hard, but not hard enough to draw any blood. 

“Can’t survive on water, so I’m not sure I can do that.” Van ignored the fact that water was one of the things that she could survive on in its entirety. Maybe not alone, but in terms of liquid. The specifics didn’t matter. What mattered was her lack of sleep and hydration and the way that her vision was blurring every so often with said exhaustion. She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands, looking up to see a figure standing behind Nora. “Wha–” She blinked, then looked at the other girl who seemed unaware. “Hey–” She jabbed through the air at the man, nowhere near close enough to actually reach him. Fear acted as a blanket the longer he stared. She felt her skin begin to prickle. “Who–” 

–

Nora’s hands found their way back into her pockets, as she stood slumped there. “Third’s time the charm.” Nora noted, a hand casually leaving her pocket and swatting at Van’s arm. That was what friends did right? Friend swats to the arm? In support? The moment had been awkward. The movement hadn’t felt right to Nora. Her hand slunk back into its pocket and Nora summoned an illusion to make up for the awkward moment she’d attempted.

“You can survive on water.” Nora answered back, “You just want pink drink.” The amount of sugar in those drinks made her stomach hurt. Nora was decidedly a savory girlie.  Behind her, her illusion lurked. It was the hat man, world famous for his appearances in people’s sleep paralysis. Normally Nora wouldn’t summon an illusion of a famous monster. Not only were most of them copywritten, but everything she created was so much better. Today was an exception to the rule. This scare was spur of the moment, and Van’s need for coffee probably meant she was tired. Hat man seemed right. He stood lurking behind Nora, blurring in with the background. As Van tried to focus on the figure, it blurred more and more. “Who?” Nora turned around, making the illusion disappear. “You alright Van? Really needed that coffee, huh?”

–

Only half paying attention to Nora, Van shook her head. “The pink drink is better.” Better than the cheese she’d wanted, too, even though now she wasn’t sure it’d been cheese at all. Emilio had probably been right, and she really needed to stop putting so much faith in strangers. The last time she had, they ended up killing somebody. Then again, they’d saved her life, too. She cleared her throat and tried to distract herself both from the memory of Debbie as well as the figure that was behind Nora. Clearly it was because she hadn’t gotten any sleep. This had happened once or twice after she’d played a particularly horrific game. It had haunted her for weeks. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Van let out a nervous laugh and took a small step back, nearly falling off of the curb. She struggled to stay upright, grabbing onto the nearby waste basket. Its metal didn’t budge beneath her grip and she was grateful. “All over the place, sorta.” The man– no, the thing– the thing that didn’t exist, was still behind Nora. Van tried her best to focus on the other girl’s blank expression. “I ran into Ren,” Van tested, “got her to join us for Into the Spiderverse, if you wanted to join.” She gave Nora a hesitant smile, noticing the way that the figure’s shape shifted from behind her friend. A cold chill went down her spine and she began to fidget with the half-torn belt she was wearing. “But um, I’m not sure… when…” Her gaze found its way back to the figure, its features still blurred. “Are you sure–” She turned around, squinting up at the shop’s roof to see if there was any kind of projection equipment bolted to it. No dice. She turned back to look at Nora with an apologetic expression. “Been nothing but red bull lately, and like, a few slim jims. Some asshole keeps buying out the whole store when I go.” There were other stores, but she didn’t feel comfortable going back to the one they’d murdered Debbie in, and the gas stations always had stale slim jims. “You can imagine how constipated a bitch is.” Why did she say that? “Sorry.” 

–

 Nora’s head titled to the side as a look of distraction crossed over Van’s face. “Have you been sleeping?” She asked. Nora had only been sleeping because of the physical effort she put her body through each night. Each night she made sure to train until her mind turned off, and if her brain couldn’t turn off then she put in enough physical effort to shut her body off completely. Sure, she was sore all the time, but it was better than the sore feeling of remembering everything that had happened. “Do you wanna work out with me? At night before bed. To sleep.”

Behind Nora, she increased the illusion. She sharpened the lines; she moved him closer. His hand was reaching out towards her own shoulder, just to add a flair of the dramatics. Just for the fun of it. The horror of what would a stranger be doing grabbing my friend. These were the games Nora played. Nora did wonder if Van was too sleepy to notice. She noticed the other girl grip a garbage can to stay up straight. Interesting.

“I’m down.” Nora accepted her invitation to watch Spiderverse with grace. It was funny, just a week ago Nora wanted to do nothing but sit in her crypt and isolate herself from the world. Now she was ready to get back out there again. It helped to know that the Allgoods were bound together by something more than friendship. They shared a bond, an oath. It was irreplaceable. “Who’s the asshole who keeps stealing your slim jims?” Nora liked slim jims, she’d been stealing some from Emilio lately. “You want me to fight someone for you?” And Nora, even though she was actively trying to scare Van at the moment, knew she would. What she didn’t know was what to do with the information of her friend’s constipation. “I think coffee would help more with that than a pink drink.” 

–

Nora’s question caught Van off guard, but only slightly. She let out a nervous laugh and ran her fingers through her hair. “Why wouldn’t I be sleeping? I’ve been sleeping.” She’d always been a terrible liar. The only place she could effectively lie was behind a computer screen, and even then, sometimes she felt guilty abou tit. At the other girl’s offer, she shook her head. “No, it’s okay, I mean… I don’t want to ruin your routine.” Plus, the idea of working out even if it did exhaust her to the point of no return made her prematurely exhausted. “I’ve been sleeping though, so it’s okay.” She tried to give her best attempt at a reassuring smile, but it fell a little short. 

The figure behind Nora moved and Van felt her mouth go dry. She glanced from Nora who was still blissfully unaware, to the man behind her. He wasn’t real. Couldn’t be. Wouldn’t Nora have noticed? She felt the anxiety bubble, felt her stomach start to churn. “Um–” 

And then Nora accepted the invitation. She cleared her throat, glad for the distraction, no matter how small. “Cool, I’ll uh… I told Ren I’d pick up snacks..” She bit the inside of her cheek, forcing her gaze to remain on Nora’s unmoving expression. At her question, Van shook her head. “I’m not sure.” She hadn’t even thought that it could have been Emilio. It made sense, if she really paid attention to the fact that she’d gotten him hooked on them, he had even admitted it. “Hm?” Distracted, Van did her best to keep her gaze from lifting back up to the figure behind Nora. He looked so clear, even out of the corner of her eye. “No, you don’t…” She rubbed her eyes again, hopeful this time that he’d be gone completely. Of course he wasn’t. “You don’t need to do that.” Van dropped her gaze to the drink that was splattered on the ground. She still felt sticky. “Yeah, maybe. More fiber. People say to eat beans, but I’m not…” She shook her head again, supplying Nora with a nervous smile. “Sorry, I’m–” The figure was still there, no matter how many times she looked away. “I um…” She swallowed thickly, mouth still dry, desperate for some reprieve. “Yeah. Beans.” 

–

“Because you look like you’re running on caffeine and your caffeine just spilled all over the pavement.” Nora answered, kicking her a foot at the slowly drying pink drink that was congealing into the pavement. “It wouldn’t be ruining my routine. It would be adding to it.” Nora added that last bit. “It won’t change anything I do. You’d just be joining.” Nora pulled a knife out of her overall pockets, flipping it between her fingers. Something she’d gotten good at during the restless nights training. “Don’t you think you’d sleep better knowing how to defend yourself?” 

Nora tracked Van’s eyes flicking between herself and the little friend Nora had conjured up for Van to enjoy. The scent of fear was slowly starting to trickle out around them, giving Nora a nice little snack as the conversation progressed. Move night and snacks. “Shame its not a horror movie.” Nora commented, that would have given her ample snacks. “I’ll scrounge up something. Do you want me to steal alcohol from my boss? He’s always got so much around he probably won’t notice a few bottles missing.” It was a shame when Van said she didn’t need to fight the asshole who kept taking her slim jims. Nora was recently certain she could probably win in a fight. It could be fun to fuck around and find out.

Van was starting to get into peak nervous territory. She was stumbling across her words as she tried to grab on to a train of thought long enough to convey whatever constipation talk she’d be on to. Now was the time to strike. The figure behind Nora reached forward, wrapping an arm around her neck and a hand clamping to her mouth as if he was going to drag her back. A portal to “hell” opened behind the both of them, tentacles emerging and waving around ready to drag anyone in. Nora was surprised at how empty their piece of street was, normally this sort of scare would cause a commotion, instead it was just the two teen girls there to enjoy her performance piece. Oh well. 

–

“I–” Van’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of the knife. She looked from it, back to Nora as she flipped it easily over her fingers– to and fro, between, outward. Van was a little mesmerized at the motion, but her grandmother’s voice rang at the back of her mind. “I’m not allowed to play with knives. They’re dangerous.” She was dangerous, too, she thought. What would happen if somebody gave her a knife? Something like what happened with Debbie, only worse? “That’s.. it’s okay, I.. thanks, anyway.” She didn’t think she had much to defend herself from other than girls who wanted her dead, but the only one who did was already gone, decaying in a pit underneath how many more bodies? 

Van blinked at Nora, doing her best to ignore the figure that was still standing behind her. “We could… watch a horror movie, if you want.” She was too tired to argue about what movies they should watch. She had already told Ren they’d be watching Into the Spiderverse, so she felt guilty trying to swap it just to appease Nora. “We can have a sleepover with a scary movie another time if it doesn’t work out.” She swallowed, throat still dry. “Steal… alcohol from your boss?” Every word that Van managed to say was long and drawn out, as if she were only now learning how to speak. It was hard to keep steady when somebody was staring at her from over Nora’s shoulder. But they couldn’t be real, so telling Nora about them would be stupid. “Yeah, that sounds perfect.” 

She thought very briefly about what kind of horror movie they could all watch together. Van knew gore was out of the question, so maybe something with a haunting. She tried her best to adjust her mind to the here and now, to not think about the figure continuing to loom over Nora’s shoulder even as it– what was it doing? Van opened her mouth to speak, but the words caught in her throat. The figure clasped its hand over Nora’s mouth and began to drag her backwards. The portal was reminiscent of one she’d already seen, but– 

“Nora!” Van’s scream was loud, and just next to them, the trashcan that she had held onto began to melt into a puddle. A nearby car alarm went off, and then the windows of it shattered. She made a grab for her friend’s hand, her nails clawing at the other girl’s skin to keep her from falling backwards. Tears wet her eyes as she pulled the other girl back towards her, throwing her arms around her as the figure disappeared. 

–

The look in Van’s eyes struck Nora. Quickly, she shoved the knife back into her overalls. Of course it had been tasteless to pull out the knife. Not after the last time Van had seen Nora with a knife. She hadn’t even thought. The knife she’d pulled out had been Slayer, the old and worn bowie Emilio had given her. The knife that had killed Debbie was also tucked on her person, Vampire, given to her by Metzli. Van said something about not being allowed to play with knives and fuck. Of course, she was fucking normal. Nora had walked away from their Debbie encounter determined to protect herself and everyone she loved. Van had probably walked away traumatized and not wanting to see a knife ever again. Nora was really so fucking stupid. It was a good thing she had a scare on the way to change the subject and get Van’s mind off of it.

“I thought we were watching spiderverse? We can do horror some other time. No one is going anywhere.” Right? The right was silent. Nora didn’t want to lose her new group of friends now that she had made them. “Yeah. Some other time.” Nora agreed. Mission steal alcohol from her boss for a sleep over was ago. Nora knew it wouldn’t be hard. The old man got pissed when she touched his alcohol but he could go out and buy some more.

The scare was ago, the fear coming from Van was ramped up giving Nora a full meal to enjoy. Except something else happened.  Something that didn’t normally come with Nora’s scares. It was as if a disturbance had touched the streets. Windows burst around them, showering the girls in a thin glass rain. Van was dragging Nora back from the illusioned gates of hell, her fingernails digging into Nora’s skin causing pricks of pain to prickle at Nora’s arms, but Nora didn’t care.  Nora let the illusion dissipate around her, standing there like an emoji as she tried to piece together what had happened. The trashcan next to Van, the one that she had been leaning on was melted into a puddle. Nora’s eyes flickered between the two, the melted trash can, a mockery of the pink drink, and to Van, who must have done it?

“What just happened?” Nora asked. Her face refusing to give away any emotion. “What was that about?” Nora flipped around, staring in the opposite direction to see if anyone else was around. People started coming out of the shops to check why their windows had suddenly exploded. Nora could catch whispers of a sudden earthquake, or just too much sun. Someone even joked the car alarm must be pitched too high. Sound other then Van’s screaming, windows shattering, and the car started to fill their world. 

–

Maybe in another life, Van could have listened to Nora talk about self defense and identify with her. Maybe she’d take the knife from Nora and play with it, too. In that life, she wouldn’t be afraid of everything. She would go outside and enjoy the world without care, and she would take Nora up on her lessons, and Cass up on the visit to her supposed home-cave. She could do things without worry. But that was not this life, because Nora was slipping away. 

The figure behind Nora was hard to remember, despite it only having just disappeared. Van stood in front of Nora, fingers digging into her friend’s arms. She stared at her, eyes wide with surprise, completely ignorant to anything that had happened around them. 

Nora was speaking, but Van couldn’t quite hear her. Or maybe that was wrong. Maybe she needed to listen. Van tried to focus, her mouth still dry from the fear that’d dug its talons into her. She felt it all over her body– the way it felt ablaze, the cold sweat at the back of her neck. “What–” She blinked at her friend, not bothering to wipe the tears away from her cheeks as they rolled down, hitting her t-shirt. “I don’t–” She looked behind Nora. The figure was still gone. She blinked rapidly as if to trick the being into coming back, but nothing happened. She let go of Nora’s arms, her fingers stiff. “I don’t… did you…” Van chewed her bottom lip, staring at the other girl, words escaping her. “The man. You didn’t see him?” How had she not? She’d almost got ripped backwards into a void of some kind. It was absurd to think that she hadn’t been aware. But she didn’t seem scared. 

It took her too long to notice the broken glass and the melted trash can. Once she did, something rooted itself in her. “No, no, no.” She shook her head, looking at Nora with a pleading expression. “I didn’t– I didn’t do this, you have to believe me.” Van grabbed one of Nora’s hands and squeezed it tightly. “You believe me, right? I didn’t do this. Please, Nora.” 

—

Van was crying. For a moment, for the briefest moment, Nora was starting to suspect that the scare had been too much. That after everything they had gone through together, Nora should have held back her fun little joke in favor of something soft. The soft place to land that reassured her everything was going to be okay, the place she had in Emilio, Leti and Metzli. It was something she should have offered her friend here. That moment passed; a thought too slippery for Nora to grasp in the confusion of the moment. Nora stared at her friend’s tear-stained face, a question on her lips drowned out by the car alarm.

People were starting to look at them. People were swarming. Van still struggled with words. Nora tried to follow the lines of conversation. See the man? Yes she had created the man. But Nora couldn’t answer, Van was still going. Nos followed by a I didn’t do this believe me. Please believe me. The hair standing up on the back of Nora’s neck told her that she didn’t know what to believe. The windows didn’t explode because of Nora. If Van didn’t do it, then something did. Right?

Nora flipped the grip on Van. No longer being held on to by her friend, Nora was holding her, dragging her into the crowd and propelling them through. Her elbow met with any person that didn’t move fast enough as Nora shoved them farther and farther from the scene of the… of whatever that had been. If it wasn’t Van, and it wasn’t Nora it was something. “We’re going to your house.” Nora told Van. “It’ll be okay. I’ll keep us safe.” Nora looked back at her friend. Her friend that was bonded to her through promise and their shared scar. “I believe you.” Because Nora did. At least she wanted to. 

[mountain-dew-tickledpink]

I completely understand Tai not wanting to be out at first absolutely but also the other half of me is like if I were Van and my girlfriend broke up with me out of fear of coming out only to then become an openly queer politician I would fucking crash out

[sukibenders]

When other Yellowjackets fans, majority who are poc themselves, talk about how weird and frustrating it is that the writers introduced a random yte character and gave them a storyline when there were two (technically three but they killed off Lottie even when there was an opportunity for more) woc, who have been around since s1, that could've fit the mold instead (like Mari) and have actual personalities outside of building up/being the lapdog for another character. Or how often times many of the, limited, poc characters are often either treated poorly and killed off, or pushed to the side (Simone, reduced to the disposable black girlfriend trope and is nearly killed by her partner because she's in the way of a ship; Travis, since s1, had his trauma dismissed or ignored and was overly hated but no one talks about how he was SA'd by the girls he's now stuck with on top of having to eat his brother and not be able to grieve over it). How Taissa's whole storyline is just revolving around Van even with all the potential, especially given she's fighting to be free from her own mind, how Lottie's mental illness is treated so poorly as if it's not the butt of a joke then it's met with heavy criticism (and the only time she is met with sympathy for it, it's through the lens of a yte character embodying her and having an emotional conversation with her father). How you can have all of these reasons (and more) for being annoyed by Melissa's character or the direction of the show, and be met with #those fans downplaying these concerns, or just being overly antagonistic just because they find yte character #243 entertaining so obviously these conversations don't have merit. But this fandom has always had an...."interesting" way in which it discussed the poc characters on the show, so I'm not surprised.

[aetsiv]

"wylan almost got away with lying to kaz" this "wylan stood up to kaz" that. WHAT ABOUT MY GOAT KUWEI??! HE LITERALLY ACTUALLY LIED TO KAZ AND GOT AWAY WITH IT (pretending not to know kerch)!! LIKE KAZ LITERALLY NEVER KNEW, THEY ALL THOUGHT HE WAS THE POOR INNOCENT KID WHEN HE'S LITERALLY SO SMART AND SCHEMING!!

[a-stars-art-blog]

I really like Barok’s quote of “…curiously, we got along” bc I think it implies that Barok, even back in his uni days, didn’t consider himself the type of person to be friends with Albert. And while i think it’s fair to assume that if the two had met after Barok’s change, then they wouldn’t be friends, i also think it’s fun to imagine that they WOULD become friends. They were already an odd pair normally so it wouldn’t be any less odd if they met later.

[gigapigeon]

some heinrix's's's + one oc sketch to ponder upon

if it counts that's his hand in the oc sketch :) don't worry master van calox is fine :)

[ruinix]

Look how behaved he is. He is innocent.

(Vancouver Canucks @ Ottowa Senators, November 23, 2024)

[mangostahiti]

friendship is magic

[chirpsythismorning]

Can we talk about how Jonathan might've been able to clock Mike simply because of what happened with him and Nancy in season two?

This will be a long post, so you might want to strap in or save it for later.

In Will and Mike's case, it would obviously be much different from Jonathan and Nancy's situation, given that you know, they're gay. But we still have Jonathan arguably going through a similar experience as Will, while Mike is going through a similar experience as Nancy.

In s2, we see Nancy confront Jonathan about how she waited for him before getting back with Steve, which is a revelation to him. Then they're at Murray's and she's struggling to say she loves Steve, after a handful of moments between them that felt like she might return Jonathan’s feelings. And you can clearly see it in his eyes, listening to Murray imply that they have feelings for each other, with him looking back and forth sort of in awe of what's happening, like he's starting to question if she might actually like him back.

Will doesn't have that same affordance as Jonathan to really hope, at least not anymore. Which is why these relationships in s2 and s4 end differently for these two brothers.

Based on all the signs he was seeing that Nancy felt the same, Jonathan decided to take the plunge to admit to Nancy how he felt, and at that same moment Nancy had the courage to show how she felt. In Will and Mike's case, Will wasn't ready to take the plunge to admit to Mike how he felt, at the same moment Mike didn't have the courage to show how he felt.

What's so painfully hilarious to me about all of this though, is that Jonathan arguably starts the season in the same shoes as most of the audience, where from his perspective, it's becoming obvious to him now that Will like's Mike, but that Mike does not feel the same way.

First at Rink-O-Mania, Mike appears a little uncomfortable upon hugging Will. Then as the happy couple continues on their adventure into Rink-O-Mania, he watches Will lagging behind moping. And then unfortunately he's out of commission for the rest of the evening...

But once he's sober and back to being an attentive brother the following morning, we see him watching them at breakfast, with Mike barely sparing Will a glance, all while Will is blatantly staring, almost like he's waiting for Mike to look back, only for Mike to get up and walk away.

All of these instances gotta be SCREAMING unrequited gay love to Jonathan. He's already gotten signs for years that Will is gay, these are now just the signs that are instilling his suspicions that Will has feelings for Mike. He could have easily interpreted their relationship in the early seasons as young best friends, with Will seeming to have a crush on Mike, and with them growing up and that potentially including Will's straight friend distancing himself from him because he doesn't feel the same. It's not the most unexpected thing in the world considering.

But then there's a shift.

Suddenly he's creeping up on them talking in his room. And we know he was listening in on the conversation because he brings up Owens when he sits down. As he's eavesdropping, he's probably thinking something innocent like Aww they're making up! And like, hey! Even if Mike doesn't feel the same, which is okay and entirely expected honestly, at least he still cares about Will enough to make things right after acting so out of character. Still, I'm not gonna lie, that sounded a lot like flirting to me--

Then he's knocking on Will's door like 30 minutes or less later only to find Mike and Will back on their bullshit. Mike suddenly isn't going out of his way to ignore or put Will on the back burner. In fact, he's on his bed and they're talking, again! The door is even closed this time, which is interesting. This has gotta be a good sign in Jon's eyes. Nothing to worry about! Right? Right...?

But then suddenly this shift continues, going in a direction he probably didn't expect.

I mean, this is literally an identical jancy parallel we have here with byler on the hood of the car, with Jonathan right there to witness it. Despite him maybe only now subconsciously picking up on the similarities between Will and Mike to him and Nancy here, he's at least taking note (I mean he's even got his gay map out and everything).

It isn't until the van scene happens, that I think Jonathan starts to genuinely consider his suspicions, which is that Mike might actually like Will back.

EVERY time we get a shot of Jonathan looking back at Will and Mike in the van, followed by a shot of his POV from the rearview mirror, we're faced with Mike looking at Will while Will is looking away.

As Jonathan is hearing Will confirm his suspicions about his feelings for Mike, he's simultaneously witnessing Mike not looking at Will with disgust, but something more akin to reverence. All of those moments in the van that we witnessed, including all the ways Mike looked at Will and everything that was said, Jonathan was right there.

And what's even more insane about this scene, is that it circles back to Jonathan as a character himself.

I remember when people were talking about how odd it was that we never saw Jonathan with a camera in s4. After 3 seasons in a row of making his passion for photography a big part of his identity, that part of him was apparently absent entirely this time around... But was it really?

This is the same guy that said, "Sometimes, people don't really say what they're really thinking. But you capture the right moment, it says more."

Jonathan might not have had his camera in s4, but this was without a doubt one of those moments where he captured something more.

Something that I also think get's highly overlooked about this scene, especially when it comes to Jonathan looking back at them, being followed by a shot of Mike staring at Will, is that he could see both of their reactions the whole time, from beginning to end. Will nor the audience had the affordance of knowing because Will was facing the other way at the end, while we on the other-hand were blurred from even having the chance, despite Mike literally being in the frame. But not Jonathan. He even lets us see what he sees, a few times, but not at the very end, which would have been nice after they didn't let us see Mike's reaction seconds before this.

Let's just stop right there for a second though and circle back to what I consider to be the first time Jonathan really picked up on Will's feelings for Mike, which was at the end of s3, in a sequence that is a little too relevant to the van scene if you ask me, given that they are almost direct parallels.

While these parallels are pretty spot on visually, they are also near spot on narratively when it comes to the evolution each of these characters are experiencing.

For Will in the first scene, it's sadness that he's moving away from his friends in Hawkins and also feeling like he's losing Mike, after what looks like him and El making up, which makes him scared he'll distance himself again. For Jonathan, it's sympathy for his brother who appears to have some very deep feelings for his friend, feelings he can't quite grasp yet but soon enough will.

For Will in the second scene, it's heartbreak that he has to accept that Mike will never feel the same, knowing that supporting his relationship with El (encouraging it honestly) will likely turn out just as it did last time, with him losing Mike all over again, for the last time. For Jonathan it's sympathy for his brother who has now confirmed his suspicions that the feelings he has for Mike are more than just that of a friend.

Given that this parallel reinforces the same feelings Will and Jonathan had in s3 to now, why would this not also reinforce those same feelings that Mike had in s3 to now?

In the first scene, Mike was visibly distraught, with dialogue from Hopper in the background applying a little too perfectly with what he was feeling in that moment, which was scared. He’s apparently back together with El now, despite them doing just fine as friends for the last 3 months, as well as him and Will just having finally gone back to them being on good terms again. But now, it’s like he’s right back where he started at the beginning of s3, feeling obligated to be the perfect boyfriend to El, and as a result, having no choice in his eyes but to distance himself from Will. Mike then walks into his house looking like a zombie, almost emotionless stepping into his mother's embrace.

Now, I say almost emotionless because it looks like Mike was trying to hold back showing how he truly felt in this moment. He's not crying like he did in s1 when he lost Will that first time. Time has passed and things have changed (he doesn't want things to change). And he's trying his best to keep it together. But the in-focus close-ups make it clear that he is definitely not okay.

What's so impactful about these parallels is that it presents the inner struggle both of these characters are having, both queer and experiencing doubts, but in different ways and for different reasons.

Will is the one who covers it all up with lies, hiding the tears in his eyes, because boys don't cry.

Mike is the one who has never cried to them, just to his soul (RUN AWAY! TURN AWAY! RUN AWAY! TURN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!!).

If you actually try to get a gage on Mike's in-focus emotions in that first scene vs. his out-of-focus emotions in that second scene, well they're not that far off from each other.

We go from Mike smiling vibrantly at Will, to him now slowly turning away to look back down at the painting, with whatever the hell emotion this is...

It's near impossible to catch because of how out-of-focus it is, but looking a lot closer, it honestly appears like Mike is feeling something akin to sadness that he's trying to mask. For a moment it even looks like he turns his head to wince emotionally, only to correct himself.

And call me crazy, but these shots also low-key parallel each other. Mike looking down trying to keep his emotions in check and failing miserably, only to look up and meet eyes with someone whose witnessing it.

With each shot before this of Jonathan observing Mike looking at Will, with him showing all the emotions Will never got to see and everything else in between, I wonder what Jon saw this time? Probably another thing he didn't expect.

Can you just try to imagine the silence in this van, accompanied by Will's muffled sobs, and then try to imagine Mike turning to look down at the painting, only to sneak a glance, and then go right back to looking at the painting, IN SILENCE, and then try to tell me how the assumption that Mike didn’t notice Will crying makes any sense, like realistically?

Yeah me and Jonathan are confused too.

Right now, Jonathan's probably wondering why Mike was acting a little fruity and repressed during the painting reveal. And that although he may have a penchant for being able to 'capture the right moment', Mike is sticking with his story (despite all the stalling and doubt). He is 100% straight!

And so maybe this is where Jonathan tries to accept what is being presented to him as the truth, despite the contradictions in front of him. It's likely that despite the way Mike looks at Will and acts around him, in ways he would have assumed coming from Nancy in s2 would've been evidence that she felt the same, it probably doesn't apply to Mike.

Maybe Jonathan's ready to accept that it's a lot more likely Will is experiencing unrequited love as a gay kid growing up in a small town, the most predictable experience a gay kid could go through, and in contrast Mike just feels too bad to let Will down easy.

Or who knows, maybe Mike could still be a little bit gay too...

But it doesn't matter anyways. Mike seems to be adamant about this and so there's really nothing else Jonathan can he do besides tell his brother he'll be there for him no matter what. And so he does just that.

But then Mike just has to surprise him one last time.

For those that don't know, the line Mike gives here in his monologue was in part pulled from Will's monologue in the van. Most don't know this because this line didn't make the final cut for the van scene, but in the official script the writers posted, what we find is an almost a direct parallel.

Which makes the reaction shots of Will and Jonathan directly after Mike says this all the more epic.

From Will's end he was probably hearing Mike say this and just thinking 'Damn. Well, that's what you get for using your feelings to inspire Mike to profess his love to El.'

But from Jonathan's end, I don't think his outside POV of these events overlapping was nearly as naive as his brothers understanding of the events. Because why the fuck would Mike need to use Will's feelings to inspire him to profess his love to El in the first place? Is this what Mike has been struggling with? Really? Why before every moment Mike takes action in this scene, is Will's hand literally pushing him into it? Why is Mike being so dramatic about saying I love you, stuttering and rambling about her being a superhero, not saying nearly as meaningful of things as what Will said in the van?

And then it hits him.

Mike is reminding him a little too much of another Wheeler right now...

Nancy Wheeler, who was afraid of what would happen if she accepted herself for who she really was, leading her to retreat back to the safety of Steve. Because Nancy liked Steve, but she didn't love Steve.

And now here is Mike Wheeler, who has went from being incredibly distant with Will after reuniting with El, something that is very unlike the Mike he knew in previous seasons, to something more himself again after they make up, with him looking at Will with adoration after hearing his words in the van, only to turn away and look heartbroken. Mike who is now struggling to simply tell El he loves her with Will right behind him literally yelling at him to do it.

And now it's like all those little moments are starting to add up to Jonathan.

Suddenly all those signs he picked up on from Will when he was younger are now blending in with moments Will shared with Mike. It was Mike who jumped in after him and his mom's speech to Will in the shed in s2, with tears in his eyes recalling the day that they met (without being asked, let alone pushed to). And it's Mike who is now looking like he's at war with himself as he attempts to give encouragement to El, just like he did with Will in s2, but this time he needs someone to push him to do it, and that person just so happens to be Will. After just finding out about Will's feelings and also while assuming El wants him to love her that way still, Mike is stuck.

I don't think it's takes a genius to consider Jonathan is capable of realizing how fucked they all are in this situation.

As much as Mike isn't ready for a sleuth of reasons, Will isn't ready either.

This provides a huge contrast between the bylers ², because while Jonathan and Nancy went through a similar experience to Will and Mike, them being ready to accept it and act on it didn't involve nearly as many factors and risks. Will and Mike also have the added barrier that is homophobia.

Will's internalized homophobia lies in part with assuming Mike could never feel the same based on some of the words he said in their last two fights, with parts being painfully reminiscent of the things his dad and bullies used to say about him. These are also words that contradict Mike's own words and actions from the previous seasons, things that did once give Will hope. The shame and guilt that comes with falling for your best friend, who you now know will never feel the same after being foolish enough to believe it not too long ago, and who might not even want to be your friend anymore upon finding out the truth, is understandable. He can't have hope like Jonathan can. It's just not the same.

Mike's internalized homophobia lies with assuming El wants him to love her, along with their relationship being expected and socially acceptable from everyone around him. Though unfortunately for her he feels abundantly more in love in the moments he shares with Will. Despite trying to make it work with El as hard as he could, because she's amazing and all any guy could hope for in a girlfriend, he can't ignore the fact that the feelings he has for these two people are different. The shame and guilt that comes with you, a boy, falling for your best friend, who is also a boy, and who is starting to show that he feels the same, all while you can't muster up the courage to break up with your girlfriend, nor can you muster up the courage to tell her that you love her, not when she's begging you, dying or even just simply at the end of a letter, is pretty understandable too. He can't have hope like Nancy can. It's just not the same.

Spoiler: They were not ready.

PS: I'm still not over the fact that they low-key confirmed these events elsewhere in the story...

[livfosi]

i fucking hate this season

[ro-is-futile]

Yellowjackets Siblings HCs:

Siblings are rare in yellowjackets. I think the only characters confirmed to have siblings are Travis (and Javi) and Akilah. And I have to suspend my disbelief a bit because it feels a little unrealistic. I know it's probably for the sake of keeping the narrative as simple as possible— there are a lot of characters and moving pieces already —but it's something that could’ve helped with characterization (in small doses). Like some of the characters definetly read as only children, and others don't. Anyways, here are my HCs for siblings:

Who reads expressly as an only child to me:

Misty

Lottie

Taissa

I think Shauna could read as an only child, but I also see her having a younger brother with an age gap (6-7 years) she's not that close with.

Jackie could also read as an only child, but I see her as an older sister with 2 younger sisters. The way she is with the team definitely reads as older sister. She’s also written as the golden child, which is often how the eldest child is seen, and it might’ve been interesting to see how her younger siblings were affected by their parents’ inability to let Jackie go.

Nat reads like a youngest child to me. I see Nat as having an older half sibling she's not that close with who's her dad’s kid from a previous relationship. I think that feels right for her having tried so many drugs at a relatively young age and her having adult knowledge the other girls lack. Like c'mon, at 17 she's done shrooms and regularly drinks hard liquor-- it's giving older sibling who's not the best influence. The older sibling also doesn't need to be a half sibling, but definitely estranged and no longer lives in the home. She has real bad abandonment issues (evident in her relationship with Travis and her tendency to keep others at an arms length), and this is probably me projecting, but it fits her character to have her abandonment issues stem, in part, from a sibling leaving home to get away from their abusive father and her feeling abandoned and left behind. You see what I'm saying, right?

Van reads as a middle child to me or even a twin/ Irish twin. I also think it reads for her to have a sibling, because she is characterized as very self-sufficient in her adulthood and it makes sense for her to have at least 1 sibling she leans on for support. I'm thinking a sister... Like wdym she's been a total loner for almost two decades, no serious relationships, no close friends?? I think her having a sibling who she's close with (or gotten closer with in adulthood) could explain why she's functioning relatively okay when Tai finds her and hasn't completely crashed out like Nat.

Laura Lee reads as having a bunch of siblings because of her Christian upbringing. Most people I know who were raised devoutly religious have big families, these things go hand in hand. She reminds me of a coworker I had once who was the eldest of 5 kids and devoutly Christian. I know too many Christians (especially Catholics) with big ass families. I see her somewhere in the middle of 4-5 kids or the second eldest. You can also tell from how quick she took to the housework that she's done it before, which reads as her coming from a big family where she’s used to helping out around the home and helping with the younger siblings.

Mari also reads as have siblings to me. Not sure about the configuration because I don’t know her character well enough yet. But I’d like to think she has a sibling who she’s close with, like a sister close in age.

I do think it would’ve been too much to give that many characters siblings. Especially since there’s only 10 episodes a season and they have to squeeze in so much narrative. Like reastically, the only character I think could’ve been given siblings in passing would be Laura Lee because we see so little of her home life. Like maybe a line where she’s like “oh the little ones are probably missing me,” and it’s not dwelled on. And as much as I think Jackie reads as an eldest child/golden child, it would’ve been too busy I think to give her siblings.

[javierduffy]

self insert stuff

basic info + awful silly sketchbook stuff under the cut :3

[buddiesmutslut]

I’m genuinely so fucking sick of the “you all would have loved it if it was Eddie who made that comment” take.

First of all, Eddie wouldn’t have made comment then, bc he knows how hard it is for Buck to talk about his emotions, & is REALLY good at giving him the space to talk about them, even if he does make jokes, they’re not out of pocket (the coming out scene, anyone? Breaking the tension with a joke & still being supportive without making a joke of his feelings.)

Secondly, even if Eddie DID make that comment, I’d probably still roll my eyes, but I’d be more willing to accept it. Do you wanna know why???

Who was the person that knew the details of what Buck was talking to his therapist about during their emergency session before the Buckley’s visit? Who is the first one they show at Buck’s side when he gets stuck in the warehouse trying to pull Saleh out after learning about Daniel?? Who is the one who was pacing downstairs in the station & making sure Buck was okay after the warehouse, and the one who warned him about his visitors??

Who was the one praying at Bobby’s bedside, right next to Buck in the hospital?

(I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the dude that’s had 10 minutes of fucking screen time that everyone forgot about post s1.)

It wouldn’t have been the same bc TOMMY AND EDDIE ARE NOT THE SAME. They are not on the same level of knowing Buck & understanding when to make jokes & what jokes to make. Your best friend, partner & co-parent of 6 years and the man that you haven’t even called your boyfriend yet are not on the same level of familiarity.

I get that you’re pissed that Tommy is being compared to Buck’s previous love interests (which would be the case, even if he wasn’t just as shitty & uninterested in Buck as a person as they all were) but if you genuinely think that he’s anywhere near Eddie’s level, EVEN PLATONICALLY, then I fear that you have been watching another show entirely, & I encourage you to watch more than just s7, bc that’s the only explanation I can come up with for why this fuck ass take exists.

[illiana-mystery]

Gauguin and Van Gogh

[ayemkew]

Peaceful James on summer hols.

He's hearing wedding bells with this organ-heavy opening...

[or-we-could-take-a-walk-together]

shadow and bone writers: we have respect for every character, and every single one of them got their moment.

also shadow and bone writers: makes tolya straight, erases inej’s trauma, makes kaz’s touch aversion a bad thing, nearly erases tamar and nadia, makes wesper look like it was taken out of the book i wrote in middle school AND USES TOLYA AS A PLOT TOOL.