#i still can't believe this wasn't already used the universe really said for ME
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userjunhui -> momotual
hiii it's eri !! url change because i'm a feminist who loves her wife
#i still can't believe this wasn't already used the universe really said for ME#please interact if you see this <3
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OP: I'm taking the civil service exam and if I get in there, will they fire me if I were mentally unstable?
Cnetizens: Sweetheart, guess why the civil service exam is oversubscribed as fuck?
yll: No, we have one in our unit. His performance bonus was deducted, and then he, armed with a fruit knife, stabbed two Deputy Directors of Bureau and then smashed the Director-general's office. He is now recuperating at home, and we have to visit him regularly. However, he is very principled and only attacks leaders when he has a seizure, not ordinary staff.
xhzz: Warrior.
dtxgg: I heard from my senior coworker in the organization that during one of the general meetings, when the Director-general was making an impassioned speech, this big sister suddenly slammed the table and shouted, “It's all bullshit!” Then she waved her sleeve and left, and from then on everyone realized that she was not normal. Big sister's exploits included rushing in during a bureau meeting and flickering on the forehead of every Director with her knuckle; when the leaders were eating at noon in the cafeteria's booths, she rushed in, made the rounds, and asked, “Yo, where's the corruption?” The leaders told her to go home and get well, she said she was not sick. After that, the big sister became the real Director-general of our unit, walking everywhere with two security guards behind. She came especially early every day, wearing sunglasses, patrolling the unit building, behind the two little brother trembling. No matter who it is, Big Sister will bash them right to their faces. The canteen auntie who scooped less food when dishing out, the masses who came to the unit to handle administrative affairs and stole the paper from the printer. She bashed them all, not to mention the leaders. The leaders have become numb. Later, the big sister's condition was slowly brought under control, and she had already retired when I joined the unit.
xxxC: LMFAO check the comments lmao
luvpp: There was a man in my mom's unit who became mentally unstable after joining the workforce and ran to the Director's office every day to sit there, saying that he himself was the director, and then the director granted him paid leave, and he still went to the unit to sit in the director's office as usual.
yzxka: ASDDFGHFGJ this one
momo: Our unit invited an expert to give a lecture, and when it was all over, he rushed up to the expert and asked loudly, “Do you know what it means to be full of crap?”
sbkpg: lkkfghdfgsdf
xuexue: The leader took me to another building in the office area, beforehand he specifically explained to me, “There is a man who guards the gate, if he asks you, do you believe in the universe, you must answer categorically, I do! Otherwise you won't get in.” Later I realized that the man was a little mentally unstable, and he was transferred to guard the gate, in fact, that building was originally inside the office area but the higher-ranks let them built a fence and set up a security booth in order to give him a post. Once the Director of Division went to a meeting and failed to answer his question and did not get in.
Vvvviola: After reading the comments, you will understand why everyone wants to take the civil service exam, because it is a job where even if you are really crazy, you will not be fired. It is completely different from capitalists squeezing laborers and laying off employees after squeezing them out.
momo: But as long as you don't go crazy, you'll be used like crazy.
arww: That was the case with the senior who was my tutor when I joined the office. She was crazily obsessed with her religion, and I don't know what kind of sect she was, but she played Buddhist scriptures in her office every day, wore a big red robe(*the unorthodox kind sect of buddhism), and meditated when she wasn't working, and practiced her skill in the room. I ordered a takeout at noon, it was Duck Blood and Vermicillon Soup. She righteously criticized me: duck blood can't be eaten, the animal's blood is full of anger, eating it will lead to evil spirits. I was so frightened that I dropped the vermicelli in my mouth. The leaders were quite polite to her. I worked with her for a month, she retired and went home, and I took over her job.
momo: Sister you go eat Duck Blood and Vermicillon Soup fearlessly hahahahhahhahah
lin: The Chief of my section, beat up two directors-general in a row, the third director-general was a woman, she told him, "I'm a woman, you can't beat me up".
xrhmm: they are even haggling
sytxztt: fuck
sstd: so did he beat that director?
lin: No, he doesn't beat women
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New family 1/?
Next part:
! Warning !
swearing, angst, fear, step-family, g/t family, abuse, mention of abusive giants, gigantophobia, mention of the character being religious, sickness
------------------------------------------
I was fucked.
I'm sorry for using that kinda language but I really was. You see, my whole life has been destroyed by thoese damn giants.
Sorry, I don't think I introduced myself yet, I'm Zack.
Me and my mom were always a team. After my dad has passed away when i was 6 she was the only person important to me. It was basically us two against the whole world.
Something that might also be important for you to understand my story is the fact that we live in a world full of humans (like my and my mom) and giants. Giants are.. humanoid 60-ish feet tall creatures. Easily to say - their dangerous. The government rightfully understood the danger and the fear of us humans and created 'human-only' zones, cities, countries even. There were also a few 'giant-only' zones, but I'm not really sure why. It's not like the giants would fear us. Most of the places thoese enourmous beasts live are simply 'mixed-zones', places where both humans and giants can live. Thank God that me and my mom always lived in a 'human-only' zone. I was always skeptical and yeah, terrified of giants.
My mom was different though. Maybe she was just dumb (sorry for saying that mama) but she just couldn't sense danger. She worked in a company that required her to sometimes travel to 'mixed-zones' or 'mixed-cities'. I was always opposed to that but she.. enjoyed it. She even said that she made some giant "friends". I never believed in their honesty though.
But what changed my life once and for all, had happened when I was just 16. Well, going on 17 already, but yeah, still 16.
I never ever once questioned my mom's romantic life after my dad has passed away. She just.. never acted like she wanted to start a new relationship. And I was very okay with that.
But one unfortunate day, just after she came home from one of her business trips she told me that she has got a boyfriend.
That was weried to know, I mean c'mon, picturing your mom having a crush, dating, falling in love etc. is just.. weried and kinda disgusting if you ask me.
Of course, I questioned her and soon I reaveled her secret.
"Zack, I have been dating him for a little over a year. I was just scared of how you might react. But now, I must tell you since.. he proposed."
That felt like I was stabbed straight into the heart. How could she have kept having a boyfriend a secret from me for so long? Why would she? Being lied to by her felt horrible. I thought we were a team - we always told echother everything. But I guess I was wrong.
Really soon I found out that my mom's boyfriends (and now fiances) name is Andrew, that he was just slightly older than her and had two sons about my age, he was also a widower, and according to my mom, we had much in common.
I really couldn't understand why my mom would keep her boyfriend a secret. Untill she revealed she wanted for us to move in with him and his sons. I mean, she had a lot of planing to do, as she was soon to get married again, so that was kinda understandable. I wasn't opposed to moving into a new home, but changed my mind really quickly when my mom reaveled that our new home would be in a mixed-city. I mean, I was never even in that kind of a city, never even seen a giant in real life and was hella terrified of them! She should've understood me. Before she 'fell in love' she always has.
I asked her a milion times if Andrew and his sons can't just move in with us but she always found some excuse. Once, our house was too small, then his older son didn't want to switch universities, another time Andrew was scared of loosing the job. It was always a stupid excuse. Untill she finally reaveled the truth.
You see, Andrew, my mom's husband-to-be was a giant. And so were his sons.
To say that I was mad and scared was an understatement. I felt lied to. I felt like I was being dragged into something I didn't want to be a part of. I, understandably, questioned the honesty of my moms relationship, which angered her the most. I was angry with my mom for over two weeks after finding out about the size of my soon to be step-family and barely spoke with her. I couldn't be away from her for long though and forgave her, but in my heart I still had plenty of doubts.
My friends didn't help ease my fear. I told my best buddies at school and the stories they have told me only made me more afraid and suspicious of the said Andrew and all giants at that point.
"Don't y'all remember Joseph from middle school? He moved to a mixed-city with his parents. He was stepped on by a giant and died!"
"That's nothing compered to what happened to Amy. A quick death is better than being tortured. She is my cousin. She moved to a mixed-zone because she wanted to go to a better collage. One of her giant male classmates kidnaped her and done horrifying things to her. Once she was found she had missing limbs, many scars.. She was mentally, physically and sexually abused by him for months, untill they found the giant. And he barely got any jail time for that! She's still in mental health hospital!"
"My dads best friend Thomas was freaking eaten alive!"
Yeah, I think 3 stories is enough to give you the idea of how freaking terrified I was of the said 'step-family'. Some might say I am a specist (a person that discriminates based on the species (giant and human)) but I wouldn't agree. I don't really think that a human can be a specist becouse we are in the more vaunurable position. Also, I don't hate giants becouse of their size. I hate and fear them because of how brutal and cruel they are towards humans. Maybe a giantophobe would be a more appropriate term for me.
That day was the worst day in my entire life. And it's really hard to beat the day my dad had passed away.
We sold the house. We were at the airport. All ready to go to a mixed-city, over the wall that the government made.
Mom was all smiley and happy, her nose never leaving her phone.
"Andrew texted me that he and his boys are at their side of the barrier already, waiting for us. They can't wait to meet you!"
Right, didn't I mention that they all knew echother, but me?
"I just can't wait to show you the city and our new home!"
I was standing there quiet. No matter how many times I told my mom that i don't agree with her choice of dating a giant or for the fact that I didn't want to move away into a mixed-city she would always say that I will change my mind once I overcome my fear. Hell, I would.
I held my bag closely, trying to hold onto whatever I have not to lose my composure. I was terrified and angry, sure, but showing thoese giants from the start that they have some power over me, even though it was obvious, wasn't something I would do. At last, if I could hide my emotions.
Just a few minutes before our flight, a flight in the opposite direction landed. I saw all those humans, coming back from the mixed-city, most of them seem okay. That made me confused and curious. Would it really be all that bad?
Untill I saw a girl, probably my age, on a wheelchair. I mean, there is nothing wrong with disabled people, don't get me wrong, but she was crying so she easily got everyone's attention. A woman run up to her.
"Mom!" The girl sobbed, opening her arms to hug her mother. The woman tried calming the girl down but she just kept crying and screaming "It was just supposed to be a student exchange program!! This scary giant crushed my legs!"
The girls voice echoed in my head. It was different to hear stories of distant people, but to see someone hurt by thoese monsters in front of my own eyes was completely different.
Even my mom lowered her phone and looked at the girl with pity in her eyes. I prayed to the Lord to open her eyes and return home safely with me.
"Poor girl" she signed "That must have been a.. horrible accident".
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Accident?" I looked at my mom angrily, finally letting my emotions out "A giant crushed her legs".
"Honey, I'm sure they didn't mean to.." she looked at me, somewhat shocked at my defensiveness. I shouldn't have expected her to understand. She just simply couldn't sense danger. And that could get both of us killed.
"Her legs were crushed by a giant, mom!" I raised my voice, even so slightly as I couldn't believe how blinded she was by her feelings.
"Zack, calm yourself down" she looked at me more strictly now, as I was getting other peoples attention. I couldn't bare the thought of how stupid this all was. I just wanted to be home. Or anywhere at that point. Anywhere but in a spece where giants were allowed.
"You-" I began to speak.
"The flight 16-399Bhc** is preparing to take off. We ask all the passengers to board the plane within 5 minutes. Thank you and have a good flight" said a voice from the speaker.
"That's our flight!" My mom cheered up and grabbed my arm, pulling me as she ran to the plane.
She was so excited it made me feel like I was gonna puke.
Don't get me wrong, I always loved planes but this time I felt uneasy. My whole body was shaking ever so slightly, I felt like I was about to puke, I swear I heard my heart pumping blood, my head was spinning..
That can easily be called my worst ever flight.
After we landed I needed a good 15 minutes in the bathroom to regain my composure.
"Honey, are you alright?" I heard my mom knocking "Are you sick?"
"I'm fine mama, I'll be okay" I mumbled, though I didn't feel like I was going to be okay for at last next few hours. I was also convinced my life was about to end so why bother worrying my mom. But before I cross the barrier of the airport, I didn't have to see or interact with any giants. Maybe me feeling sick was actually a gift from God to give me more time to get ready for what was about to come? As I was almost ready to go I hear my mom speaking:
"Honey, are you sure? I texted Andrew and he and Ethan are worried sick. They can drive us to a hospital"
And then I got sick again at the mention of the giants.
Oh, you might not know who is who. Andrew is my moms 45 year old husband-to-be, but I'm sure I have spoke about him already. Ethan is his older son, he was 21 back then. His younger son - Ryan - was 17.
After, what appeared to me as a minute and to my mom as an hour I finally could exit the bathroom.
My mom rushed me, saying that the boys have been waiting for us long enough. I was feeling less and less okay. I couldn't keep my emotionless demeanor. My eyes felt heavy, my heartbeat fasten as well as my breathing, my legs were shaky and I was not able to say even one word.
As I saw the enourmous glass wall behind which were a ton of giants, I felt like I was going to faint.
Or simply turn around and run.
My mom stopped in her trucks and looked at her phone. After maybe three seconds of reading what I supposed was a message form Andrew she looked into the direction of 3 giant men waiting and her eyes started to freaking sparkle and her smile grew.
She then looked at me and pointed in the direction of thoese giants, who weren't looking at us, thank God.
"That's Andrew! And Ethan and Ryan!" She said with an excited expression.
Andrew was surprisingly the shortest of the group. He had brown hair that were turning grey, a short beard, thick glasses, a blue sweater and more elegant pants. He was overall a handsome middle-aged dude, if it wasn't for the fact he was freaking enormous.
Ethan was talking with him. He had fluffy brown hair and was slightly taller than his dad. He had a few freckles and dimples on his cheeks, his smile was truthfully welcoming. His white hoodie also looked very comfy.
The tallest one was the youngest - Ryan. He had black, short hair, a pierced ear and stylist clothes. If he would have been a human, he looked like one of the popular kids that you always look up to. I really liked the belt he had, same with the rings on his fingers.
All three giants had the same eye color - hazel.
My mom grabbed me again and pulled me into the direction of the glass wall that was the last thing keeping me outside of the reach of giants. She looked so happy to see them that it was hard to recognize her. She only ever smiled at me like that before.
Soon enough, we were close to the exit of my comfort zone. My fear only grew as we were closer to the giants. It was still probably about 20 feet between us and the door when Andrews eyes rested on us. I felt the enourmous gaze and felt like I was stung. Soon both his sons eyes locked on me and my mom. She realized quickly and slowed down with the running. She then waved at them. Andrew and Ethan waved back. Ryan stood there, looking maybe a little conflicted but surely also kinda annoyed.
At that point I could feel the blood boiling in my veins. My heart ached. As well did my head. My legs were shaky. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath correctly.
If you think you're not socially awkward, three giants looking down at you with their enourmous eyes, almost scanning you as if you were an insect would change your mind right away. And if you are socially awkward like me? Well, you would feel as if you were just about to die.
My mom rushed me again, ready to exit the safe space, that only allowed humans. I walked behind her, but I wasn't as excited or as fast. Partly, becouse I wanted to be out of the giants reach for as long as I could and partly becouse I was feeling worse and worse.
To be honest, I don't know what was making me feel bad. Maybe it was all the emotion, fear, anger and all, maybe it was my mental health killing me and shouting at me that danger was close, maybe it was the horrible flight, maybe it was my body being sick. I don't know.
What I do know is, each step I took, the more powerless I felt. My legs felt to weak to hold my bodyweight.
My mom was already by the exit door when she turned around to rush me again. I was maybe 7 feet behind her, still surrounded by the enourmous gazes of those three giants, two of which were smiling. Their smiles made me sick in my stomache, but Ryan who was the only one not smiling made me feel ever worse somehow.
I totally expected my mom to yell at me to hurry up, based on how excited she seem but she just stared at me for a secound with wide worried eyes and then returned to me.
"Are you okay honey? You don't seem too good"
I wanted to answer her but it came out as a soft yelp. I thought I was going to puke again.
Faces of the giants became more serious and worried. I didn't like that expression either, to be honest.
I looked back at mom as she reached out to me and raised her hand to my shoulder for comfort probably.
"Are you scared Zack? Is that it? Because if it is, I assure you, they won't hurt us. Ever." She spoke in a soft, quiet voice. Her expression didn't show anger but she looked more understanding than any other moment of the past few weeks. She spoke with such confidence I could have believed her.
Well, I maybe even would have if I didn't faint.
Because just a moment after she spoke my vision went black and my body felt weak. The last think I remember before fainting were thoese scary gazes and my mom yelling:
"Zack!"
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Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the 1st part!
#g/t#giant/tiny#gt related#giant tiny#gt community#g/t concept#g/t writing#gt#g/t related#g/t angst#g/t scenario#gianttiny#giant#gentle giant#g/t community#g/t family#g/t fearplay#g/t ocs#g/t fandom#g/t stories#g/t story#g/t writer#giant and tiny#giant foster au#giant men#giant tiny story#giant/tiny writing#giant/tiny angst#giant/tiny community#justme315 stories
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all too well g. satoru
pairings: gojo satoru x reader ( past geto suguru x reader )
cw: angst, happy ending c:, some 18+ / suggestive themes! read at your own risk, fake marriage, not proofread haha
a/n: here's the part two of the suguru fic 'all too well'
when your once past lover geto suguru forever disappeared in your life, his best friend satoru was there to the rescue.
chp 001 - chp 002
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not in your life you would hear gojo satoru, who himself thinks he's the best person alive, who never let someone get above him said he would let you use him.
that night where satoru watched from your bathroom door as you cut your hair, he didn't stop you, he watched as tears stream down your cheeks. he wanted you to let all of your emotions out while he himself getting hurt from seeing you cry.
satoru stayed with you that night in which you told him because you were scared that you might do something you'll regret.
satoru sat beside you while you lay on the bed, you were holding his hand to make sure he wouldn't leave, but even if you don't hold his hand, satoru swore to himself that he won't leave, not until you told him too.
he didn't want to take advantage of your vulnerability but he just couldn't keep it inside him anymore.
"i'm here (name)." he mumbled.
"i know, thank you satoru."
"that's not what i meant." he responded as it went silent for a minute.
"you know i can't." you muttered as you curl your body into the bed, his hand still holding yours.
"because suguru is my best friend?" he asked and you hummed in response.
"i don't want to hurt him." you said.
"but you'll let him hurt you?"
"it's not his intention, we know that. it's just- maybe i'm just not enough for him.." you said, sadness evident in your voice as you close your eyes.
satoru noticed that you were silent for the past few minutes as he tightened his hand around yours, muttering the words "you're more than enough." without knowing that you haven't fallen asleep yet.
-
after weeks of the reunion, you haven't left your room and there, you realized that you're back to square one and you weren't doing good at all, it was just you forcing yourself that everything would be fine, and despite the now 8 months that has passed, you still couldn't move on.
maybe it was really time to move on. you wanted to but you can't, even if you force yourself to believe that you already have moved on from suguru, your heart will still yearn for him.
despite the months that has passed, suguru's presence was still lingering in your shared home, used to be shared home. you haven't even miss a night without crying.
suguru leaving you really had an impact. maybe it'll take you more months or even years before you could fully move on.
1 year and 7 months, you were counting. suguru was still on your mind but this time, thinking of him doesn't bring tears in your eyes, and instead a smile on your lips as you recalled the memories you had with him. maybe in another universe, it was you and him again. this universe wasn't just for you and him.
his best friends was there to help you, they didn't leave your side especially satoru.
you already reminded satoru that you couldn't reciprocate his feelings and he told you there was no problem with it, as long as you'll let him stay by your side, even just as friends.
-
"so, how's your work? taking over the business already?" you asked as you watched your friend's expression fall.
"yeah, but there's still something they want me to do."
"what is it?"
"it's either i look for someone to be my wife of they'll arrange a marriage for me."
"don't you want them to arrange a marriage for you?"
"i don't want to get married with someone i don't even love." he said with a long sigh, it seems like he's been keeping it to himself for a long time now. satoru looked at you. "i was just thinking if you could-" he paused as he looked away.
"me?"
"yeah, we'll just pretend, though! i can ask someone if you can't."
"sure."
"really?!" satoru didn't mean to sound excited as he sat back on the chair as he cleared his throat.
"think of it as a compensation, for being there with me." you said as satoru nods and he started typing on his phone. "but satoru.." you called him as he looked up at you. "don't get attached."
"yeah.. i promise we'll close the deal once they stopped pestering me about it."
the so-called wedding was private. it was just to show satoru's parents that he's now married and can finally take over to the business. they didn't even mind if you were a no one.
you and satoru ended up on a beach after the wedding, laughing and celebrating as he finally got the title CEO of the gojo company.
"so how does our ceo satoru feels right now?" you teased as satoru chuckled.
"i am not here without your help, (name)." satoru said.
"same for you." you responded as both of you sat on the sand, watching the sun set over the horizon. "i wonder where i am right now if i didn't have you and shoko around." call satoru delusional but he thinks your voice stopped at the 'if i didn't have you' part.
"satoru?" you called him as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"sorry, what was it again?"
"i said i think it'll take months for your parents to forget about this. what's our plan then?"
"just stick with me, that'll be enough."
-
staying in the same roof with satoru wouldn't be bad, right? you're friends, there was nothing wrong with it. but.. why does this feel wrong?
"satoru.." you mumbled as you placed your palms on his bare chest with both of his arms beside your head completely trapping you on the bed. "you're drunk."
" 'm not." he mumbled, giving your lips another peck before staring at your eyes again. it was mesmerizing how his blue eyes shine in the dark.
he kissed you again, but this time it was long that it made both of you catch your breaths.
it feels wrong but you didn't want to stop.
satoru slid the strap of your nightwear off of your shoulders as he inhaled your scent.
"you smell so fucking good." he rasped as his breath tickled your neck.
"satoru." you called him with a concerned tone as he look up at you.
there were hesitation in your eyes and satoru was starting to sober up.
"shit." he cursed as he stood up from the bed. buttoning his polo as you slid your strap back on your shoulder. "i'm- fuck my head hurts.. i'm sorry." he said.
"satoru." you called him again as he stopped his movements. heat crept up on his cheeks when you crawled closer to him, placing your hand on his frozen ones that was on his belt. "i want it." you murmured as you cringe at your choice of words.
"stop, or i wouldn't hold back anymore." he mumbled as he turned around, palming the forming tent on his slacks.
"i don't care." you said, almost whining as you pulled the hem of his polo. "i need you, satoru." you said as satoru once again, unbuttoned his polo and gently pulled you down on the bed.
"you started this." he rasped, taking your lips on his.
and the rest was history.
the next day, both decided to just forget what happened last night. he was intoxicated with alcohol and you didn't have enough self-control. it was a drunken mistake that you and satoru promised it wouldn't happen again.
how ironic when you're the one who said not the get attached but here you were, looking forward for satoru's presence after his work, cooking breakfast for him like how a 'wife' should and preparing a perfect suit for his meetings.
there was no doubt in it, you were definitely attached or rather, in love with gojo satoru. you love how he respects your wishes and never force you into something you didn't want. that's what you love about him.
you were finally attached but, satoru was back to his old habits.
the lipstick stains on his clothes and the smell of another women's perfume were enough proof.
ever since that night happened, sometimes satoru was distant but sometimes he wasn't, it was confusing your poor heart plus it was just a deal between you and satoru, you weren't in the position to get jealous because first of all, you were also the one who said not to get attached.
it really hurts to love, is it not?
-
"what do i do, shoko? i'm in love but-"
"but you still love suguru?" she cuts you off but suguru didn't even occurred in your mind.
"no.. i already moved on from suguru." you said but why were you hesitating?
"satoru's a jerk, he's back on his old habits, you should just end the deal. he already got the ceo position, why are you still staying?"
truth is you still didn't want to end what you have with satoru. but what exactly do you have with satoru? what are you to him?
"why did i have to fall in love at the wrong time?" you asked yourself as you grip your hair in annoyance.
shoko puffed a smoke as she threw the cigarette on the ground before stepping on it with the tip of her heels.
"tell him how you feel." shoko said and you were more than surprised at her suggestion. "that's the only way you'll now if you have to stay or not. don't hurt yourself more (name). suguru is enough, don't let satoru do the same thing."
"okay, i will."
-
you told satoru that you'll stay in your apartment for a week.
you were ready to spill out your emotions but the moment you faced satoru, you chickened out and left, though there's a single thing you noticed about him, satoru is avoiding you. he was quick to dismiss you as if he was in a hurry. he couldn't even meet your eyes when you're talking.
you couldn't stay in your apartment alone anymore and it's only been 2 days since you left, so you went back to your 'home' or rather satoru's penthouse and..
you were met with a lady on the door of his room, the only thing that was covering her body was his shirt.
you gulped the lump on your throat as you felt a presence behind you.
"(name)?.." satoru said in disbelief as he stopped wiping his wet hair with a towel, immediately closing the door to hide the woman.
"h-hey, um, i was just.. i-" you were stuttering as you look around, thinking of any reason that was enough for satoru to believe. "i came back to get something and noticed the door was locked."
"is that so? what was it?" satoru asked as he pulled you towards the living room.
"i forgot i already have it." you said as you look at the door of his room and satoru's forced cough caught your attention. "i'll be leaving now." you said as you walked past him.
"wait." satoru said as he stopped you and held you by the wrist but you were more surprised at your movements when you harshly slapped his hand away. "i can explain." he said as you lightly laugh, observing the fresh hickeys on his collarbone.
"there's no need, satoru." you said in an almost shaky voice as you sucked up a breath. it was just a deal between you and him. satoru was free to do what he wants and that goes the same for you.
"i'll be leaving now." you repeated and this time, satoru didn't stop you. he couldn't even look at you as you leave and you were hoping he would chase you but in the end, he didn't.
-
you leaned your forehead on the steering wheel as you cry. loving someone should feel like you're free but why was it suffocating you?
you took your phone as you called shoko, the only person left you can trust.
"shoko.." you said, voice breaking.
"what's wrong? did that bastard rejected you?" shoko's distress can be heard on her voice as you sniff.
"no.." you responded.
"why are you crying?"
"there's- a woman on his house."
shoko's heels can be heard as she walked back and fourth inside her clinic.
"what should i do, ieiri? i'm lost." shoko bit the end of the cigarette as she harshly threw it on a trash bin. "i should end the deal here, shoko. or it'll just hurt me more."
"that's right." she agreed as she grumbled. "that bastard."
"don't blame him, ieiri. it's my conditions in the first place. i told him not to get attached but, here i am."
"end the deal." shoko said. "you can't right?"
"i- of course i can."
"alright then. that's the only solution (name), everything should stop before you further hurt yourself."
it was a surprise when satoru was the first one to end the deal. he asked you to come home 2 days after the incident.
"i'm not ready to let you go yet." he said, or maybe joked. "thank you for putting up with me for a year." satoru said as he laughs.
"silly, you can just call me again if you need something."
"thank you (name), really. is there something you want me to help you with?" something? you don't know. maybe mend your broken heart? you chuckled to yourself. as if he could.
"nope, all good. how about you?"
"nothing. so i guess this is it?" he sighed as you nod. "ah right, i apologize you had to see that." satoru said as you nod in acknowledgment.
"(name)."
"satoru."
you both said at the same time.
"o-oh, you go first." you said.
"if you ever need someone to lean on, i'm here, and shoko. of course."
"i know." you responded with a smile as you stand up from the couch. "i'll just get my things if i'm free."
"don't worry i can ask my people to take it for you."
"that would be a great help." you said as satoru stand up too as he opened his arms.
"this is gonna be our last hug as a married couple and we're back on being friends." he said as you laugh.
"i'll be going now then."
"how about one last kiss then." satoru joked and already expected you to only laugh at him but instead, he felt your lips on his cheek and suddenly, you were at the door.
"see you, satoru." i love you
how long are you gonna stay at this phase? curled up in your bed and tears in your eyes as you lose track of time.
a week passed since the deal finally ended, your phone having a lot of missed calls and unread messages from shoko, even satoru.
you sniffed as you sit up from the bed. it feels like years since you drank a water and ate a good food.
you neatly folded your blanket as you went to the kitchen.
luckily, you weren't in a worse state like when suguru left but your heart still ached as you prepare to boil a hot water for a morning coffee.
you went to the bathroom and the first thing that caught your eyes was a scissor, the very same one you used to cut your hair 2 years ago.
your hair has grown now, maybe it was finally time to cut it again.
you took it in your hand, preparing yourself to cut it but then the scissor was snatched from your hand, the noise of the boiling water reached your ears as you perked up.
"satoru? what are you-" a surprised gasp left your mouth when he suddenly embraced you.
"i love you (name). i love you so much." he said between his panting breath as he held your shoulders for you to face him.
"what are you doing here? why are you sweating?" you asked, unintentionally wiping his forehead with the sleeves of your sweater.
"listen to me (name)."
"satoru, don't even start." you said as you pushed him out of the way, going back to the kitchen to turn off the stove as he followed behind.
"i love you (name)." he repeated and your heart ached.
"what is it that you need, satoru?" you sighed as you faced him. his expression falling didn't go unnoticed by you.
"did you think i'm saying this because i need something from you?" he said as you look away from him.
"isn't that the reason why?" you muttered, looking away from him.
"ever since we became seatmates back in high school, i started feeling something for you but i wasn't in my right mind that time and you liked suguru. i've been waiting (name), for 7 years. i've always wanted you." he said as he reached for your hand and you let him. "be mine, please?" he begged.
"i can't.." you muttered.
"is this about suguru again? (name), it's been 2 years, you have to-"
"it's not about that!" you exclaimed, cutting him off as you slide his hand away from yours. "i'm just scared that i'll just end up getting hurt again." you said, voice breaking as you wiped the tears that managed to fall.
"i could never." satoru mumbled. "i could never hurt you." but you already did. you wanted to tell him but it was useless anyways.
"why me satoru? there's a lot of women out there who's good for you. i'm not good for you, not for suguru, not for anyone."
"you are good for me. you were the reason why i changed. please, give me a chance, just once. i will prove it to you that we deserve each other."
"you've already touched a lot of woman, how can you prove that you already changed?" you asked and he was left speechless.
"i'll do what you want, anything." he said.
"anything?" you asked as he nods.
"what if i told you to just leave me be." it was a test, you were testing him.
"well.." he paused. "if that's what you want." he said as you released a breath you didn't know you were holding.
"then leave-"
"but know that i won't give up that easily." he said. "i've already waited for years, why would i wait for more when you're already within my reach?" he said as he motioned you to face him, your eyes landing on the fading hickeys on his neck.
"i thought about you." he said as you met his eyes.
"what?"
"i couldn't fuck any other woman without thinking of you." he confessed, your cheeks heating up at the choice of his words. "that woman you saw, we didn't do anything, i swear."
"why are you telling me?"
"because i want you to trust me."
"what if one day, you broke my trust." you asked.
"that wouldn't happen." he said.
"but if you do, i wouldn't have it in me to trust you again." you said as he frantically nods and embraced your from behind.
"i was even scared to face you if shoko didn't slap it in my face. she told me everything, but-"
"but?" you asked when he suddenly went silent.
"i wanted to hear it from you."
"you wanted to hear what?"
"that you love me." he said, poking your side a surprised laugh leaving your lips. "come on."
"i don't." you said as you pushed him by his chest and you felt bad when he frowned and looked down. he looked like a lost puppy.
"fine! i'm in love with you, gojo satoru!" you huffed as his faced lightened up.
"i love you too!" he exclaimed and embraced you.
after a minute of hugging, satoru pulled away as he took your hand, slipping the same ring you used to wear for your so-called wedding.
"let's get married again, but this time, not for a deal." he said as you look at the ring to him. "i love you (name), more than you've ever know. you don't have to say it back. say it when you're ready."
"okay." you said as he smiled at you. "i love you too, satoru."
"heh, i sure will invite suguru in our wedding to show him that it's his lost." he said before pulling you close and kissed you and this time with no regrets.
tags: @mandysfanfics @r0ckst4rjk @aikori6 @vomitingmoth @tojisworm-5 here's part 2 :pp
#nana.gumi#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#jjk angst#jjk#gojo angst#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru angst#geto suguru x reader#geto angst#geto suguru angst#satoru angst#satoru gojo x reader#satoru x reader
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the universe || sirius black
pairing: sirius black x reader 1.2k words, soulmate au, angst (i tried, really), happy ending, some language from this request! :) a/n: AHH i hope you really like this, i haven't written this much before but i think it was a good challenge!
Sirius feels like he shouldn't have looked. But he stares at the four little paw prints tattooed on your left shoulder blade, identical to the one he has.
But that was the thing with soulmates, wasn't it? One can never control how it happens, they just do. It was already written. He was meant to see this, and he's meant to do something about it.
There's a sinking feeling in his chest. He's not sure if he wants to do something about it.
Sirius doesn't believe in soulmates. At least that's what he wants himself to think.
It's too much commitment, he usually says to himself. Why can't I choose who I want to be with?
I've been following rules my whole life. What does the universe know about me and who I'm meant to be with? For the rest of my life? Who would want to be with me that long?
I'm not a good enough person, let alone for Y/N.
Who would even want to love someone like me?
That's usually where the thinking stops.
So he decides for himself. Going out to parties to pick and choose which girls to make out with. No strings attached, just his physical desires to be satisfied.
He knows it's massed up, even more so when you're at said parties, keeping a lookout for someone with your matching tattoo. And so Sirius keeps his shoulder covered. You don't know he's your soulmate, and a part of his never wants you to.
Unfortunately, you're good friends, and he doesn't want you getting hurt over the fact he doesn't want a soulmate.
By the time he's done sticking his tongue down another girl's throat, he usually hears that you've decided to call it an early night.
It all comes crashing down one New Year's Day.
It's the adrenaline of counting down in the very crowded room, and the feeling of someone grabbing him to be their New Year's kiss. Everyone welcomes the start of a new era with a cheer.
The party goes well into the night before Sirius decides to finally crash in his room. He immediately falls asleep as his head hits the pillow.
He wakes up with the usual hangover headache, but nothing a bowl of ice water can't fix. A quick shower and a carton of juice later, he checks his phone for his missed notifications.
Moony: wake up, get to the hospital now. Moony: Sirius where are you??? Moony: we're outside room 402 when you get here. Prongs: Y/N's sick again, we're heading home Prongs: she won't stop throwing up idk what to do Prongs: we're going to the emergency room Prongs: call me when you see this Lilypad: James and i are going to the hospital with Y/N, call us when you see this Lilypad: Sirius if you do not wake the fuck up right now i will actually come for your throat.
Sirius doesn't think he's gotten ready so quickly in his life. To be fair, he was still in his pyjamas, just adding his leather jacket and running out of the door with his keys, wallet and phone in hand.
When he arrives, he sees his three friends outside of the room you're in.
"What happened?" he asks, panting from all the running.
"They don't for sure know yet," Remus says, arms crossed and leaning against the wall.
Lily is sitting on the chair, her hair is tied messily in a ponytail. "They think it's soul-repelling."
Sirius furrows his brows, "What does that mean?"
"My parents talked about it once," James says from his seat next to Lily. "They used to talk about stories of people who constantly reject the soul bond they had with their soulmate, which would cause the other person to be very sick. Or in worse cases, die."
Lily visibly hates the way James says it, and he knows it. He tries to comfort her by holding her hand, their matching flower tattoos on their hands side-by-side.
"...But she doesn't know her soulmate yet?" Sirius asks carefully, trying to sound normal.
James shrugs. "She may not, but they say the way her body is reacting means her soulmates knows it's her."
Sirius feels his breath knock out, his heart pounding, realising what he's done. He's been rejecting their bond the entire time. All the while he thought he was doing himself a favour, he made her suffer for his selfish needs.
The ache in his heart is undeniable. He grabs the fabric that covers his heart and feels his breath get heavier.
"Sirius?" Remus calls, noticing his actions.
"It's- it's my fault..." Sirius feels tears start to prick at his eyes.
"What?"
"It was me," he starts to remove his jacket and shirt, showing the tattoo on his shoulder for the first time. "It's me-" his voice cracks. He turns to the door, "I need to get in there."
"Woah wait- Sirius!"
But he bursts through the door to the ward. He runs in and the first thing he notices is you staring at him, paler than he's ever seen you before. You have eyebags and you're heaving, as if you'd just thrown up before he came in.
The nurse next to you speaks up, "Sir, you can't be in here yet-"
"I'm sorry!" he yells, grabbing your hand and bending over the bed. He buries his face in your chest.
"Sirius?" you whisper, confused, but you finally see the print on his shoulder. "Oh."
"I've known for the longest time and that was so selfish of me. And it's still so selfish of me to want you still," tears are fully flowing down his cheeks now. "I've realised I cannot lose you. But would you allow me to be selfish one more time and ask for you to forgive me?"
If anything, you're too stunned to speak. One minute you were throwing your guts up and suddenly your best friend is crying in front of you and he's also your soulmate.
But at the same time, you start to feel your body be at ease. The nausea is already starting to subside. His warm hand in your cold one feels nice. Like two puzzle pieces finding each other.
You cough, feeling your throat finally clear. You look down, and SIrius is still crying, his question still hangs in the air. He waits for your answer.
"I hope you know you have a lot of making up to do after this," you say softly, smiling.
He heaves the biggest sigh of relief. He leans towards your hands and kisses them. "Of course, anything for you. Oh thank god."
You chuckle. "I'm so glad it's you, actually. I had a feeling."
He looks up at you, "Really? How'd you know?"
You shrug. "Just a feeling I guess. Probably a soulmate thing."
He smiles, the universe has his back, he thinks. "Can I kiss you?" He asks.
"Sirius I just threw up, I'm not letting you taste whatever is in my mouth right now," you say. "But the rest of my face is available."
He opts to kiss your cheek instead. And something in him clicks. It feels normal, it feels right.
Yeah, the universe definitely knew what they were doing.
#marauders x reader#sirius black x reader#sirius black#sirius black imagine#sirius black x you#marauders imagine
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The worst part of working at the Dimensional Nexus is that we don't get the regular internet there so you can't just watch your shows on Netflix or whatever. We gotta stick to analog media, since the digital stuff doesn't deal well with the temporal flux (the analog stuff doesn't either, but it's usually just a fuzzy image for a second, while your computer just crashes).
Everyone brings in their favorite media from home on old analog tapes (or laserdiscs. They're analog too! And we've got a couple hardened players on the lounge, so we can watch them).
Anyway while you're on-base (which could be for months or years), all your (video) media consumption ends up being on CRTs and piles of tapes you brought or traded with coworkers. Most people bring in a second suitcase of tapes so they'll have something to watch.
I brought in some letsplayers I stuck on a few VHS tapes (yt2vhs is a great program), and box sets of Star Trek: TNG and DS9.
About a month in, the trades really open up, as everyone has watched their own tapes and wants more. I got a good deal on a laserdisc of the Soviet version of... Well, nevermind. But let me just say, in my defense, the author of the books never went off the deep in in that universe, and the Soviet version wasn't made with her cooperation, anyway. I know that's sometimes a little difficult for people from the 91-verse to believe, but that's not the author's reputation in the rest of the Nexus.
Anyway I traded my TNG episodes for VOY. I've seen TNG a dozen times, so I figured it was time to go back over VOY.
It seemed to be pretty similar to what I remembered (other than them killing off Seska of all people at the beginning of S3? Who kills off your series's main villain?!) but at the end of S3 I hit the big divergence between our universes:
Seven. They introduced him early on in Scorpion, part 1, earlier than I remember.
The storyline goes mostly the same, with just a little less 7/Janeway romantic tension (do they even get together in this version? I'm gonna have to wait until season 5 to find out!)
Harry Kim lives in this version of Scorpion, too. I'm not sure why that is, they were clearly setting him up to die? Probably some executive meddling or something. I don't have access to Trekpedia (especially in that universe!) to check.
But yeah. This is one of the universes that got the twinky Seven instead of the catsuit-girl version (Not that this version wears any fewer catsuits). They got 9 seasons instead of the usual 5, so I'm excited to see if those extra ones are any good. When I was picking up the tapes I was surprised how many there were, and Josh told me in his universe they get home in season 6 and the remaining 3 seasons are a sort of spin-off/reboot done when Orbita took over from UPN.
Can't wait to see how that goes. More Star Treks need a post-script season (or three) made in the USSR!
Anyway I'm already looking forward to finishing this because I've already gotten a lead on a copy of TNG where Yaphet Kotto said Yes to the Picard role (sadly that version doesn't have the quintessential Jeffrey Combs as Riker, but I hear some people swear by the Gregg Marx Riker).
Still looking for any copies of the Kim Miyori-as-Data version of TNG. That one wasn't as popular (not it's vault! They had the US Doctor Who and both the Star Wars shows to go up against) so it's less likely to be brought in, but I'm always checking video libraries whenever I'm in that universe. Someday I'll find it. I found that fucking CED of the Walken A New Hope, I'll get the girl!Data TNG one of these days!
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Unlikely - Emmett Cullen
Summary: Edward Cullen discovers a surprising secret when he inadvertently tunes into the thoughts of a fellow student, [y/n] [y/l/n], revealing her crush on none other than his brother, Emmett. As their unexpected connection unfolds, both face the complexities of love and the challenges of their supernatural existence.
Pairing: [y/n] [y/l/n] x Emmett Cullen
Universe: Twilight
Author's Note: So, I have had this in store for a while, waiting for the right time to post it. I feel like Emmett deserves I do it. Btw, I can't promise a part 2 or something like that. For an unknown reason, it's been hard for me to write characters kissing and stuff. But get them flirting below.
Info: Emmett here is supposedly enroled in the same year as Edward and Bella, because I wanted to keep him in school whereas I wanted Rosalie gone. Love Rosalie, though. I'm telling you this because it's not canon, so... there you go.
### Edward was the first to notice, of course.
He wasn't paying much attention until this girl's thoughts popped louder than the rest of the cafeteria.
Edward already had so much trouble — keeping tabs on Bella Swan — that his most minor concern was the other students at Forks High School.
But her thoughts were loud and clear. I can't believe it! I… I am crushing on him! Gods, embarrassing…
Edward Cullen frowned. He was always around teenagers, and more often than not, they'd find themselves in love. Why was this random girl's mental voice so loud and clear, then?
He's never paid attention to me before. He just borrowed me a pen. Get a grip on yourself, [y/n]! The girl's mind shouted, reprehending herself.
"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked, calling back his attention to her. Edward was curious about the other students, but no one in the world came before Bella Swan to him.
"Someone's called my attention," Edward answered, letting Bella grasp his hand.
"Good or bad?" she asked.
"A student," Edward answered, unsure yet if listening to the random girl's thoughts so clearly was a bad sign. "She's found herself crushing on someone."
Bella looked puzzled. "Oh, well. It happens to all of us," she jested but still looked worried. "Any idea why her voice is louder?"
Even after all those many months apart, Bella quickly understood Edward's gift. But the loud voice had disappeared.
"It was [y/n] [y/l/n]. But I don't know who she's crushing on that can be so bad…" Edward let his sentence trail off, looking around the cafeteria for the human.
Emmett's face lit up, and he chimed in. "[y/n]? I talked to her today in Biology class. She's my lab partner."
Bella moved her neck to face Emmett better. "I did not know that."
Emmett shrugged. "I mean, it's not like we interact. She's been my partner for a while in that class, but you know…" he didn't finish his sentence, embarrassed to tell Bella what he really thought. But Edward read it all in Emmett's mind: but I don't usually bother with humans.
Edward pressed his lips together, reacting to his brother's thought. He also didn't want to tell Bella that he agreed.
"But what was it about [y/n], anyway? Is she in danger?" Emmett asked, not showing his concern. To Bella, it all seemed like curiosity. But to Edward, well, he saw Emmett's thoughts trailing off.
"No, not at all," Edward nodded. "I don't think I've tuned to her thoughts before, that's all. It was just so loud a minute ago."
"Ah," Emmett let out. What was she saying? I know you won't tell me, but you sure as hell told Bella.
"What I said is what I heard," Edward affirmed, answering Emmett's mind.
"So she has a crush, good for her!" Emmett said, raising his tone just a bit but enough for Bella to notice.
Before Edward could intrude on his brother's reaction, Emmett left.
***
Emmett sat at his seat, tensed. Being a vampire and all, he had no need for breathing, definitely no need for oxygen. But it was a habit to do so, to get a grasp of scent and also to act more "human". However, that day, he felt like he was hyperventilating.
So Edward had heard [y/n] had a crush on someone. No big deal. Was she one of the funniest girls he ever met? Yes. Did she have such a crooked smile that made her more beautiful? Yes. Did she seem to always understand him, even when he barely spoke to her? Yes. But that meant nothing and would stay meaning nothing, for she was a human, and he was a vampire.
Emmett concluded it would have been better if Edward had not mentioned any of [y/n]'s thoughts. In fact, since Edward was always so focused on Bella, Emmett thought [y/n] would stay out of his radar. Goddammit.
"Hey, Emm," [y/n] said, catching Emmett by surprise as she sat beside him.
[y/n] was in many other classes Emmett was enrolled in, but Biology was the only course they actively sat together. Well, one time in English class, Emmett was left out of group partners, and [y/n] politely and unexpectedly asked him to join her group. But that had been one time.
He wouldn't admit it to his siblings, but [y/n] had caught him off guard. Emmett had been so distracted thinking about her that her scent passed unnoticed when she was finally there.
"Hi, [y/n]!" he replied, quickly cleaning his throat after noticing his "hi" had sounded a bit too high-pitched. He wished he had a nickname for [y/n] as she had, with time, shortened his name after the forced proximity. He had tried out some possibilities in his mind, but he was a man of his time, and just calling her by her first name and not simply "miss" was too much for his little mind.
"It's snowing today," she prompted, shifting her eyes from his face to the window nearby.
"I noticed," Emmett nodded.
"Do you plan to snow-fight your siblings?" she asked shyly after becoming embarrassed by his gruff reply.
Emmett's face lit up just a bit, and he hoped it was invisible for [y/n]'s human eyes. She's trying to make small talk, he concluded, smiling internally.
"You've noticed I do that, huh," he playfully leaned his head.
[y/n] smiled. "Last year, I saw you trying to hit Alice. She was quick though," she said, moving her shoulders as if to shrug, but not quite. "I just hope you don't plan to have your fight in the cafeteria again."
Emmett's eyebrows were eager to shoot up, but he controlled them just in time. So [y/n] had noticed him and his siblings since the year before. Of course, she had known Emmett since their first high school year — or should he say her first high school year? — and of course, one thing or another, she was bound to catch up about the Cullens. But to have detected him launching Alice a snowball... and to remember it, that was something.
"Be careful then," Emmett joked. "I can't make any promises."
"Oh, please," [y/n] rolled her eyes, shifting the way she sat so she could look to the front of the classroom. She continued without facing Emmett, "As if you would ever hit on me... I mean, on me! No! I mean, hit me! With a snowball."
Her face was so red Emmett thought her head was going to explode. Did humans' heads do that? Did they explode?
[y/n] saw he looked concerned, but she misinterpreted it. Emmett had barely noticed her slip in language use.
"I don't mean you would hit on me at all," she kept shaking her head as if to erase her language mistake. "Not that it matters; both are something you would never do," she whispered now, more to herself than to the boy, but being a vampire, he heard it all. "Forget it, Emmett. I'm so sorry."
Emmett was instantly calmer, but not because he was glad she apologised — why was she apologising again? — but because the redness was slowly disappearing from [y/n]'s face, which definitely meant she was not gonna explode, he felt very relieved, which surprised him. When Edward had mentioned, the year before, how easily humans could die, Emmett had thought his brother was being absurd. But he was worried about this human girl beside him for some reason.
He planned to ask [y/n] if she was indeed all right, but the professor walked in, and all the chances he had to do so seemed to disappear.
***
[y/n] could not, for her life, tell what Mr. Banner was going on and on about. Was it about cells? About nature? She was utterly unfocused, even though her eyes were fixed on the weird teacher. Well, actually, she would fix her gaze at anything and anyone, if that was enough, to avoid looking to her left and eyeing Emmett Cullen.
All her mind could do was blame herself. She had known Emmett since the Cullens came to the town; there was no reason for fuss. The family was undoubtedly the most beautiful of all. All of them could be models, including Dr. Carlisle, whom she met when she unintentionally had to stitch a bruise. Since entering high school and having known them, her gaze was fatally met with Emmett's.
It was not as if he had reacted in any other way, if not with boredom. She grew discouraged after each "incident" but continued to spy on the Cullen family. However, whenever Rosalie and Edward caught her staring, [y/n] felt uneasy and quickly averted her gaze. She knew there was no point in admiring Emmett Cullen when he already had Rosalie Hale by his side. So, who was [y/n] compared to the stunning blonde goddess?
[y/n] was extremely surprised when she witnessed the Cullens' return to Forks.
Seeing Bella Swan go through a "mourning process," [y/n] felt understood because she had felt the same way, although on a much smaller scale. However, she would never have confessed it or let it show. Who was she to miss the Cullens?
She never expected Edward Cullen or Emmett to come back, but one day, there they were. [y/n] arrived late one day and had not noticed the extra car in the parking lot. When it was time for biology class, [y/n] was caught off guard to see that she had a new (old) partner already sitting at the table they were supposed to share.
Letting herself dive into this thread of thought, [y/n] was sure that it was not at that moment, when he returned, that she saw herself surrendered to Emmett. Yes, she had gotten more loose and relaxed when she noticed that Rosalie had not accompanied her siblings or Jasper Hale because they had graduated. But Edward's gaze still haunted her. Something told her that the whole family moved by the boy's fault (even if the rumours said that Dr Carlisle had accepted a better job), so [y/n] was afraid that Edward would make his family move again.
After secretly paying attention, she was surprised to detect that Bella was also afraid of them disappearing again.
Before Biology class ended, [y/n]'s mind replayed a specific, very recent memory. The day before, she was about to write something down when her pen started failing. She thought she wasn't reacting noticeably, but somehow Emmett glimpsed her sudden need.
"Do you want a pen of mine to borrow?" he asked, already holding the thing out to her grasp.
[y/n] raised her eyes from her notebook to meet his golden gaze.
"Oh, thank you," she smiled, borrowing the pen.
Emmett had said nothing more and returned his gaze to Mr Banner. [y/n] thought she ought to do the same and rushed to write down the rest of the speech.
When the class had ended, [y/n] turned to Emmett before he could head out. "Here you go, Emm," she smiled at him, trying her hardest to look polite. "Thank you."
The nickname must have gotten him off guard — even though [y/n] was sure she had called him so before — because his golden eyes widened.
"You can keep it," he said, not a hint of hesitation, even though his expression seemed hesitant.
"Oh," [y/n] gasped. "Thanks again, then," she smiled with her cheeks high, feeling they were reddening.
It was then he surprised her: Emmett smiled.
She did not see it coming at all. [y/n] had talked to the boy before. They had even joked around — when Mr Benner said something sex-related, the duo was really juvenile for that topic, and they would always let a little chuckle out — but that smile was different. It was wide, genuine. Emmett showed all his beautiful white teeth at her, and she was mesmerised by the whole view. He had dimples.
Emmett Cullen had dimples!
[y/n] remembered stumbling in her words, trying to find something to say because she wanted Emmett to keep smiling. But he simply nodded at her and got up, leaving the classroom before [y/n] could form a coherent thought.
She spent the whole day revisiting the memory of his smile and dimples. She was frozen in that Biology class; it was as if she never left. In her mind, she kept the conversation going. She knew he was a clown — she liked him best of all the Cullens for it — and so perhaps, she could have prompted a joke, such as "Do you think we're so poor compared to you, rich Cullens, that I need a pen as a gift?" It could've been funny; maybe he would've kept smiling. Perhaps he would laugh but really laugh and not hold back as usual.
But, in the end, she said nothing, just like today.
When Mr Banner announced they were free, [y/n] instantly turned her gaze to Emmett.
"Oh, sorry there, Emm," she swallowed hard, trying to keep her brave facade as she spoke to him. "It seems there's no longer snow for your fight."
He shrugged, and a light of playfulness hit his face. "No problem there. I can just punch Edward straight up."
She wasn't sure if it had been his innocent way of speaking or if it had been the mention of just the right brother, but [y/n] cracked up in one of her loudest laughs yet. The students who hadn't already run out of the classroom all turned to stare at her.
Emmett seemed to get in a shocked state. He wasn't expecting that reaction.
"I'm sorry," [y/n] said, trying to catch her breath. It was not easy; she still wanted to laugh. "I... I don't know why that was so funny."
"Maybe because Edward has a very punchable face," Emmett suggested, letting go of his restraints and following [y/n] in chuckles.
"I'm sure you've done that many times," [y/n] raised a brow, instigating him to go on.
"Unfortunately," Emmett tilted, "no, I have not."
"Oh," [y/n] did not see that answer coming, "too much of a good brother?"
Emmett snorted a laugh. "Definitely not that. I just never seem to catch him," Emmett knew why that was so, whereas [y/n] would never have a clue: Edward read his mind any time Emmett tried to catch the sibling by surprise with punches or simply trying to give a scare.
As much as [y/n] wanted to continue the conversation, she had the next class to go to. She sighed lowly, but Emmett heard it right away, and he couldn't help smiling at her silly human reaction to leaving.
[y/n] stared at his smile like a child watching Santa come down from the chimney.
"Dimples," she thought aloud, not realising it until it was too late. Hoping Emmett didn't notice, she averted her eyes and started gathering her books, but the Cullen had heard it all too well.
He remained silent, though, allowing her heartbeat to stead again. When she was already up, probably about to nod him goodbye, he said, "You have dimples too."
***
Red is definitely her colour. How have I never noticed before? Besides that cute turtle neck she was wearing, when the red flushed her cheeks, that was...
The image totally got Edward by surprise. He was walking out of one of his classes when, passing the hallway, a mind ahead called his attention to a particular image. Then, the voice! The oh-so-familiar, very annoying mental voice of none other than Emmett Cullen.
In seconds, Edward was beside his sibling. "What was that?"
Shit! Emmett's face was as embarrassed as his mental voice. The sibling quickly started singing some random annoying pop song to pull Edward out of his mind, but it was too late.
"Why were you thinking of [y/n] like that?" Edward asked.
"Like what?" Emmett replied, but Edward's question worked, making Emmett revisit his thoughts, and [y/n]'s face popped up again, with Edward getting a complete view.
The old-school vampire was suddenly repulsed and stepped slightly to the side.
You are the one in my mind! Emmett accused him in thought.
"Not because I want to, believe me!" Edward exclaimed, returning to his spot next to Emmett. "Brother, I better hope you know what you're doing."
"I'm not doing anything," Emmett said defensively.
Edward raised a brow, wishing Emmett could read his thoughts and see how foolish in love Emmett had thought about [y/n].
"Stay out of my business," Emmett nudged his brother. I can't find anyone pretty anymore?
"After having Rosalie, I highly doubt you'd think that of a human," Edward answered Emmett's unspoken question.
"Rosalie and I... we're not a couple. We have our fun; that's all," Emmett said. "Besides, we haven't had fun in decades; you know that."
Edward knew because he had read their sex-deprived thoughts before. Still, he had thought Emmett was evolving, for he had stopped picturing Rosalie in a… needy way. But now, it seemed it had a different reason why.
Suddenly, another piece fell into place.
"She has fallen for you," Edward gasped in such a whisper only vampire hearing could catch it.
What? Emmett's mind shouted. "Don't be silly," he said aloud.
"It was definitely you [y/n] mentioned having a crush on yesterday," Edward continued his theory, forcing them both to stop walking and stay in the middle of the hallway. "That's probably why she caught my attention; she must have exclaimed your name! In thought," he added, although it was apparent.
"Are you sure about this?" Emmett asked, out of habit mostly, for he knew that no amount of hoping could make Edward wrong, not when he had a sibling so powerful.
Emmett's mind was racing as he tried to process it all. It was the first time Edward had trouble keeping up with him. Emmett was generally slower, even mentally, than Edward, but that was not the case now as he tried to understand everything about [y/n]. Edward caught up to some images — [y/n] blushing, [y/n] making a joke and laughing alone, and then the terrifying one. It was similar to the ones Edward had regarding Bella, too: [y/n] with eyes so red and skin so pale that there was no denying her heart no longer beat.
But when Edward returned his gaze to his taller brother, Emmett was not sad at the view, not half as much as Edward was when he thought of Bella as a vampire.
"Stop it," Edward begged, noticing Emmett's mind went on; he had started enduring the idea of Bella talking to [y/n] about what it was like to love a monster.
Emmett shook his head, bringing himself back to reality. "Sorry, man. It's just that...I never thought someone like her would fall for me."
Edward's worries shifted topics. "Why would you say that?" Edward had felt like that; he still felt like that with Bella, always thinking of himself as a killer and not deserving of love. But Emmett was most comfortable being a vampire out of all his family members. So, his brother had never thought to see him doubting himself.
Emmett's thoughts were faster than his tongue. Not even Rosalie fell for me, not really, and she was the one that found me, and she's our... species. [y/n] is a human girl with a life ahead of her, a full one at that; I don't see how she'd fallen for me. "Are you sure it's love?" Emmett asked out loud.
"Well, she thought it was a crush," Edward replied, returning to his own memories of [y/n]. But he didn't dwell on them for long. Edward was still trying to process Emmett's confession about Rosalie. He had always seen Emmett as cheerful, never realising that his brother might also feel unloved. They had more in common than Edward had ever thought.
Emmett sighed, and even before Edward could say anything — advice or a comforting word — Emmett lowered his head. "I know, Edward. I understand the risks."
Edward frowned. He couldn't believe Emmett immediately concluded that Edward would be mad at him. Of course, there were risks, not just because the girl involved was human. Even if Emmett didn't think Rosalie loved him (and Edward, being a mind reader and all, agreed), she would also cause some trouble.
But who was Edward to judge his brother's choices regarding a human?
"Look, if you decide to pursue this relationship, I'll support you."
Emmett smiled, surprised but yet feeling grateful for his brother's support. Thank you, he thought, and Edward nodded.
Edward thought love was a powerful emotion, and he couldn't blame Emmett for feeling like he did. However, he hoped that Emmett would make the right decision, whatever that may be.
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Hey guys, I've been seeing another rift going on in the fandom regarding TGG and TIG characters, so I've decided to make a statement that can hopefully make things more cohesive.
I understand that not everyone likes the new spin-off and honestly, I'm considering just stopping after GU. Personally, I don't have anything against the characters of TGG but my problem is that they sound too much like our old mains. However, that's not their fault. It's the author's. There's nothing wrong with JLB wanting to expand the TIG universe but it is problematic when you are repeating the same character arcs of the old characters that are also present and interacting with these new mains. The problem that we face is the fact while even in The Naturals there are similar characters, they are divided by different series. However, that is not going on here with TIG and TGG. TGG is a continuation of TIG and our TIG characters are still present. Heck, one of our old mains is a player and a love interest here to one of the new mains. And therein lies the issue. When you have a connected series, it's important to have distinguished characters with different voices, not carbon copies.
What I expected for TGG characters was that she would move from the character tropes we've seen already in the series and come up with new ones. I mean, come on, she's a psychology major, we bring that up so often but what's the point when she keeps going in circles and never brings up anything new? I pointed a lot of this out pre-read because I already correctly guessed where this was going within just a few pages of reveal. Don't get me wrong, if she wanted to, she could do it but it doesn't feel like she has new plans or plots. Be honest with yourselves and don't just praise because she's your favorite author. You can be a reader, a fan, and a respectful critic all at the same time. Don't lower your expectations just because they can't deliver every time.
The trouble is that when you go back to TFG, in the acknowledgments, she herself wrote she wasn't sure there was going to be a third book. And now look, suddenly two books were announced a month or two after she released the last book of the trilogy which introduced our mains and not the most fashionably. I do believe she had ideas but I don't think they were the best fleshed out. You have to realize that just reading TGG, how many of you recognized the obvious plots, the romantic subplots, the character arcs, and even the semi-hidden plots just getting to the halfway point? And how many of you said, hey, wait a minute, we've had this plotline before? You did, didn't you? I want to give Jennifer the benefit of the doubt but I truly think she is in over her head because I don't believe she quite thought that this is how long the series would go.
In fact, I think that she is making more trouble for herself in trying multi POV for this new series when really I think it should have just been Gray taking over. It would have allowed us to see how he's grown especially after the heartache and mental health issues he's had to go through to get here. It felt like the obvious next step, even the summary for TGG made it sound like that. However, the only thing that seems new to me is the hypersexual atmosphere which also makes no sense to me because teens may go through attraction but that doesn't mean they're horny all the time and anyone who's gone through puberty can attest to that. So I ask again, like one reviewer on Goodreads put, were the romantic moments in the room with us? 12 hours is not love or romance, it's lust, that's it. Couldn't summarize it clearer. If she wanted to make it better, it could have been that she made the book stretch over a series of weeks which is why I wonder what the heck will happen to any character development if this book series is done in like 3 days?
As I said, a lot of things feel very repetitive, the plot, word choice, thought processes, quotes and sayings, etc. We are in a loop. She's in a loop. I think that the best thing JLB could have done is leave TIG alone for a few years after TFG, make a new series or whatever works outside this series she wanted to, give herself time to truly see if she has new stories to tell for TIG by writing a spin-off and then come back to give us that content. Because it's really telling how forced things have been in the last two books, even here with GU and I really think this empire is toppling. As they say, quality over quantity and thoughtful than full of thoughts that are just a variation of one another. That's what makes me think more and more she should have left it at TFG.
Thank you for reading and I hope this gives a new perspective that can help you see some things more clearly.
#tig analysis#tig anecdote#the inheritance games rant#thank you for coming to my ted talk#the inheritance games#the final gambit#the grandest game#tig#tfg#tgg
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So. Uhhh. We've seen genderbended allot of people.... My dirty bisexual head is saying. Fem David Chiem trying to be genuine in her relationship with her S/O? Especially after she reveals her true self?
Fem!David chiem talking with you after the second trial
A/n:I knew someone was gonna request something for fem!David sooner or later. credit to nerico on pinterest for the art.
I'll change David's name to Diana (....see what I did there?)
(Sorry if this sucks)
[Spoilers for drdt]
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After the second trial you started walking towards your dorm, you didn't want to talk to anyone......especially your girlfriend. But it seems the universe had another plan because just as you were about to open the door, you felt a hand on your shoulder and turned around to see Diana.
"Hey, I wanna talk"
"I'm tired"
"Please, I really need to-"
"You already said enough, I don't need you to lie even more"
"I-"
You opened the door but she gripped your shoulder even tighter
"I'll never lie to you"
Those words touched you, so you sighed and let her enter in the room. She thanked you and sat in the bed, looking awkwardly at you before clearing her throat and speaking
"Listen I'm sorry-"
"Did you ever try to manipulate me?"
"W-what? No I'd never"
"Then don't apologize, of course I'm mad that you hid all......that from me but.....I love you, and I know you do too. All of those moments we spent together, I know they can't be lies, so if you really are like this.....I'll try to love this side of you too"
She looked at you surprised and smiled. A genuine pure smile, you knew she wasn't lying
"....thanks"
"But it will take a while"
"....huh?"
"I mean you did lie to me, for our entire relationship, you seriously think I'm just gonna forgive you like that?"
"It's not like I made any of those stupid speeches to you"
"Yeah but you never showed.....this to me either"
"......sorry I.....I just didn't know what you'd think of me"
".............."
"I mean, I introduce myself as a kind and supportive motivational speaker and reveal that I'm actually a crazy manipulator who lies and uses people to get what she wants. Who would want to date me after that?"
"Me"
"...........really?"
"I already told you, I want you to be yourself when you're with me, that's what any partner would want from their lover, if that's the real you, then I'll love you like this, I just wished you'd told me earlier, that just makes me believe you don't trust me"
"No, of course I trust you.....I just-"
"I know, it must have been hard for you, but I'm hurt too"
She looked down and ran a hand through her messy blue hair
".....I'm truly sorry, if I knew you'd be this supportive, I would have told you my secret immediately"
Seeing her like that made you feel sad too, you knew she truly felt sorry, you knew she loved you......and you loved her too.
You got up from your bed and held her hand
"I get it, but it's alright now, I think we can make this work"
She looked up and smiled slightly
"Thank you, I love you"
"I love you too Diana"
You crouched and gave her a kiss on the cheek, you then sat next to her on then bed and she returned the favor.
"That was so over the top though"
"What?"
"Your transformation, did you seriously have to do that?"
"Hey, if I'm gonna be evil, I'm gonna do it looking cool"
"Fair"
"Plus, don't I look hotter like this?~"
"You just ruffled your hair and opened your shirt a bit. It's not that big of a difference"
"It's still a difference, one that makes me hotter"
She got closer to you and stared at you with a smirk
"Is this what I'm gonna have to deal with from now on?"
"Yep, and you're gonna love it"
She kissed your lips before pulling back and winking at you, you laughed and wrapped her arms around her
"Seriously though, thank you.....a lot"
"It's nothing, I love you, the real you"
She hugged you tightly and whispered to herself
"I promise I'll end this killing game....for you"
#danganronpa despair time x reader#danganronpa despair time#x reader#drdt x reader#drdt#david chiem x reader#david chiem#female david chiem#female david chiem x reader#genderbent david chiem x reader#genderbent david chiem#fem david chiem#fem david chiem x reader#gn reader
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idk why this matters to me but in the last few months they've been acknowledging so many things I never ever thought they would. pinof and the touching. the phude multiple times. dapc slime (ok they had merch to sell for that one but still)
no but actually. phil literally said 'i thought we weren't acknowledging it' about the phude and now they just bring it up all the time.
pinof reacts... i still can't believe we're in a post pinof-reacts universe. how did that happen. i was changed permanently--like something shuffled in my dna when i got the notif for pinof reacts 1. this is not a physical reaction but a chemical one that cannot be undone. for something that was so... sacred. and integral. to their existence and history. pinof wasn't generally talked about unless it was pinof time. and even then it was 'it'll be up soon' or 'we just posted it' and then Never talked about outside of that. especially not the first one! we freak out about the We Know You Know in the newsletter but it's Always been like that with pinof 1. so to see them--new (& natural 🥺) hair for them both, in a house they bought and built together, in the first few months of giving the gaming channel a second chance--reflect on how it all began? absolutely devastating. and to lean into moments and discuss them in new ways. in territory previously not breached! the 'they're toUching'?!?!? the '11 hour fuck session'!?!? the '£9000 champagne'?!?!? like hey we're not supposed to talk about that, dan and phil might see!! shhh!! but they're the ones saying it!! absolutely wild.
in a way, it had to happen. especially with where we're at now (them literally selling merch of them holding hands). in order for them to move beyond that... mindset? i guess? that a lot of fans had, they had to defang it. i really see it as one of the biggest walls they've broken down in the way they communicate with us. the 'hey. it's okay. we've seen it. it's not a big deal. we will absolutely make fun of you for it though. but we're good.'
i'm just really curious whose idea it was. (lbr it was probably phil given dans not a react kinda guy. but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to be in the room where it happened when they talked about actually doing it or not, and what it would mean) (big ad revenue thats for sure 🤣 get it kings)
i will never be able to get phil's 'they touched' out of my head and at this point i wouldn't want to. it's absolutely earned. and i guess it makes me a masochist to enjoy the psychic damage it inflicts on me, but such is life i suppose.
the crafts mention really surprised me! i had contemplated a few different scenarios in how they'd go about it, and i'll be honest i feel like they could've committed to the bit a little more but they're forgiven. like what about glitchy interstitials! cuts to the merch website. found footage inserted between sections! i recognize they don't want to 'scare' their usual audience wirh sudden cuts to intense/graphic content but my immersionnn. absolutely shattered by 'oh we have new merch now btw'. cmon boys you love to lie to us. say theres merch up but you dont know where it came from. just that we should buy it 👀 or idk, something clever. and i recognize i may sound like a spoilt brat bc i just got a 14 minute long masterpiece of an unexpected dapc revival, but my immersion. i mean i already bought the merch before they shilled it anyways so it didn't influence me regardless 🤣
ultimately we really are in a new era. even beyond just the revival. i think they're really finding their stride--not only in their content (evidenced by a semi-regular schedule) but also creatively, in doing what they want to do, how they want to do it, and truly not giving that much of a fuck anymore. and i'm really happy for them. phil talked a bit about this in his 'rating my icons' video, where he's kind of decided he doesn't care what people on twitter think, and how it's been good for him, and i think we're seeing that reflected in not only his content, but also the gaming channel. they play what they want. they say what they want. and it's just fun. dan going on the record to say he's really enjoying it makes me so happy to hear, because literally december 2022 he believed he'd disappear after WAD. and now, instead, he gets to play games and make stupid jokes and smile and laugh multiple times a week, and he's really happy about it. he gets to be silly and goofy and crude without having to Stress about it. i keep saying it but they're so settled now. and as someone who's followed them through big changes and turbulent times, getting to see them happy after everything... it brings a lot of hope. and i know theyre millionaires. but there's something to looking at someone you fell in love with 15 years ago the same then as you do now. but instead of it being something scary, something you have to hide, something that feels like it can consume you and everything you have--it gets to be something beautiful. and regular. and embraced. you've read this far you get to listen to me wax poetic about them.
we've been thoroughly boiled and maybe, just maybe, it's warming our hearts too.
#thank u for sending this. ive been writing non-stop since it arrived in my inbox#there is nothing i love more than someone pointing me in a direction and saying alright go for it!#i am always only a few moments away from a dnp breakdown and im glad to share this journey with you all#dnp#dan and phil#c.text#answered#phan#<- for the fandometrics#edited tags: holyshit this is a 1k words w/ my tags. jfc. what is Wrong with me. it took less than an hour but idk when u sent it exactly
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"Here we go, last day living as a 'girl'! Hope no one's too bummed, I guess I couldn't keep having fun as a sorority girl with huge cow tits forever. I can't believe my university is really doing this, I swear it's one big kink to these people to see trans girls detrans. Soooo, basically I was just going about my life, hooking up with boys, having fun partying at college and this morning one of my friends is like, 'Hey, Josie, did you know Prop 843 passed?' I lied and said I had no idea what that was. She giggled and groped one of my tits, smiling as she said that my college was about to force me to detrans.
I was like, 'WTF you can't be serious!' She kept groping my breasts, rubbing up against me, making me sooooo hard! She said my breasts were going to get chopped off immediately. I was stunned. I asked her if that was true and she was SO giddy! She miiiiight have rode my cock as she held out a video on her phone explaining Prop 843. Basically, at the discretion of all Kentucky universities, all trans students could be enlisted into a statewide detrans study. If we're between 19 and 25. And I'm 19, almost 20. By discretion, they were supposed to enlist uncertain and questioning trans people, instead they're only targeting the most passing trans people, almost exclusively those of us who never went through the wrong puberty and started blockers in junior high.
I was just getting used to really enjoying getting to be a girl, but I've already spent most of my life living as a girl, so I'll probably wind up as some femboy crossdresser anyway..... Which my friend reminded me I already was as she rode my cock. Guess I better embrace being a dumb boy. This sucks so bad though! I can't believe this bill actually passed! I miiiiight have voted for a few of the people saying they wanted to create it. But just as like a weird kink, like of course these people weren't going to actually win the election and pass this bill! But it made me hard af. Picturing it happening....... I nutted so many times fantasizing about it. I never thought it'd really happen! I was blushing so much as my friend rode my poor swollen cock, giggling and moaning all of her inner transphobic thoughts as she showed me the video, telling me she could always tell I was a boy even before we showered together, that it was so obvious I wasn't a girl. And of course her words only made me even harder and cum right into her pussy...... Um, hopefully all this estrogen that ballooned my boobs to this side made my cum too weak to impregnate anybody...... Ughhhh, guess it's time I get ready to embrace being a boy! Wish me luck!"
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"Holyyyy fuck, guys! I am so happy I got detransed! Life is incredible now! I mean, don't get me wrong, getting fucked constantly by horny muscular frat boys was a dream come true, but now I'm like the femboy stud of the sorority. I 'officially' just volunteer here as a 'breeding adviser', but what I really do is use my newly enlarged cock to show all these college nymphos what a man I was always meant to be! Of course I still dress fem and I have my submissive days...... But this is seriously so much better than being a tanned bimbo trans girl with a tiny five-inch cock.
It's been almost a year since my last post and yes, at first it sucked. They practically shaved my head and chopped off my boobs immediately, as well as putting me on dick growth pills, a fuckton of T to masculinize me really fast, and steroids, mandating a new workout regimen to help unfeminize my body. I still look fucking gorgeous though! But now with way stronger arms, no giant udders weighing me down, and a fourteen-inch cock to destroy unsuspecting little sluts' pussies with. Honestly, facial hair is easy enough to cover with makeup, but sometimes I rock the beard for fun. I love having a deeper voice and all the ways my bone structure changed so fast to undo the unnatural girl puberty I cruelly forced on my body.
Finally, I'm getting to become who I was meant to be! A femboy stud who fucks anyone at this sorority no matter how vulnerable and pregnant they are. For all the bitching and moaning about locker rooms and bathrooms girls drag me into their spaces constantly now to fuck their brains out before a big test or game. Thankfully my cock is pumped full of so many drugs I can go for hours and barely feel tired. It's almost embarrassing looking back at my old vids and pictures, like how could I ever walk around with giant fat tits like that? 🤮 I was such a proud little whore, no wonder I was nothing but an ass to fuck for every guy here until I detransed and got my act together! Sooooo embarrassing looking back, but we all have our cringe phases! Some are just way worse than others! Hopefully more states pass this type of bill, please please please beg your representatives to introduce similar legislation in your state! I see a lot of 'girls' on my feed who need to face reality and detrans already! ❤️"
#detrans kink#forced detrans#detransition kink#mtf detransition kink#mtf detrans#mtf boy#mtftm detrans kink#mtftm kink#mtftm jackoff fuel#mtftm detrans
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Why I consider Miguel replacing his own self so bad?
Originally this was going to be a response to a post someone else did, but then I feel I was being mean to people just enjoying a character, so I repurposed it. Is funny because before that post I wasn't planning on doing this but that one got the words out of me somehow.
As disclaimer; I don't think there is anything wrong with liking Miguel, or any character of this movie. It doesn't matter what Miguel may or may not had done in this movie, or if your headcanons and ideas align with how he is in canon or not.
I also feel that regardless of what I think it went down in this situation, I can't call Miguel evil; I would have some words about what I think later in this post, but I don't think when he did what he did he was doing it because ~evil~
With all that out of the way, let's start with this:
The way he talks about the ordeal makes me uneasy.
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You know why I find this unsettling? That this is about himself.
I understand that Miguel is narrating this story from his perspective, and is about his mistake, so by that, you wouldn't need to bring up anyone else. You can even make the argument it may be too painful for him if you want.
So why I still have a problem?
Because the narration isn't the only problem I have with this, in fact, what I find the most disturbing, is the following part.
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Here is my thing...Don't you find odd how quickly he found out about this?
Think about it; it would be weird that he was just looking on the Multiverse, saw a version of himself with a nice, happy family, and just at that moment that person got killed, so he step in.
I had seen someone made the argument that he did what did because he was thinking of Gabby, however, nothing on his demeanour or words makes me think this was about anyone that wasn't himself.
Let's go back to those pics.
Want to know why I posted two that are basically the same? Because what's important is Miguel's face.
He is completely stoic.
We see Miguel seeing the body at the same time the mugger is running away, this makes me believe it was implied he watched at least the guy get away. But when Miguel appears on the screen, it is already watching the image, it doesn't make me think he just popped up the screen and saw it play at the moment he got killed.
Much less because he looks so calm, like he was expecting this to happen.
I don't know how much Miguel can see in future events, I believe there is some capacity because he said to Miles that his dad will die in two days. That may be because is when he becomes a Captain and his words are more speculation than actual confirmation. It could also be that at that moment he didn't have the means to look into it.
But all this footage makes me believe he saw his other self try to do the right thing, get killed, and then came in.
This wasn't about preserving the canon, this is in theory, before he knew how "canon works" (because he affirms the universe collapsed because he try to take the place of someone who was suppose to die. At least that was the impression it gave me.) So is not like there was any reason to not step in and help him.
This is going into speculation territory, so feel free to say this is a reach, but...was there really no way to save the other Miguel?
It gave me the impression the guy used just one bullet, unless is in specific places, normally one bullet wouldn't be enough. More important, Miguel is from the future, his world can make travel to the moon as if it is just going on the highway; are you telling me that if Miguel wanted to help to save this guy's life, was there really nothing he could?
Like sure, he doesn't need to, this isn't this problem and not his story, he shouldn't interfere.
Except that he did, to replace him.
And that's why I consider his initial speech so disturbing.
Let me put all together what Miguel said:
"I found a world where I had a family. Where I was happy. And that version of myself was killed. So I replace him. I thought it was harmless."
This entire discourse is about himself, with no real thought put into how Gabby, or anyone else may feel. Miguel keeps saying "family," which makes me think it was more than just Gabby, since I don't see why he wouldn't just say daughter if it was only her. That being say I am praying that I am wrong.
My heart really breaks for the other Miguel, he just wanted to do the right thing, he didn't have any powers or special abilities but he still try to help this lady that he probably didn't even know.
And what he got?
That his family will not mourn him, that none of his love ones would go to his funeral (I doubt there was one.) That the people who loved him can't even begin to deal with the mourning process.
Because Miguel, wanted a family.
I am sorry, but I can't help to feel this was en egoistic action when literally there is no mention of ever thinking of anyone that wasn't him; you can try to argue that the "harmless" part also included every other person who knew that Miguel, since they now don't need to go through the pain of a funeral.
But Miguel wasn't that Miguel, if there is something the multi-verse has shown us, is that different versions of a character don't need to be the same, in fact is not odd to not be.
I mentioned this in the past, but if I feel my boyfriend was acting odd, and then discover that he got replaced by another version of himself, just because this one wanted to have a partner- It makes my blood boil; I would personally feel outraged.
Because it should be my decision, which is removed completely of the equation because someone decided they knew me better than me, so they could take decisions on my behalf.
And if I heard him talk, and realize all he ever mentioned was about him and what he wanted? Oh that's one easy slap to the face minimum.
I don't think Miguel had nefarious intentions by doing this, the problem is that he does the thing he literally does the rest of the movie: Assume his idea is the right call, no think twice about asking anyone's opinion, and then blame it on something else when things start to go south.
(If you want an easy example: Literally blaming Gwen for the fiasco with Miles, as if the guy didn't literally scared Miles off when Peter was THIS close to making him go with him.)
Hope anyone liked it! If you did, please consider either commissioning me or donating to my ko-fi, and if not please reblog!
Have a good night.
#atsv#across the spiderverse#miguel o' hara#the spider society#gabby o'hara#I am really starting to get close to the wasp nest with a bat#not sure if I should be more afraid or bite the bullet#atsv files
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❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜
Day 2 of the Advent Prompt Challenge! Set during 4x10 of Chicago Med and this also falls in my Voight Family Values Universe but before Connor actually defined his relationship with Sarah.
For the first time since they started sleeping together, Sarah found herself flinching away from Connor's hands. "You should've stayed last night." He muttered low enough for just the curly-haired brunette to hear, after he all but pushed Natalie Manning out of the way and took over the treatment of her bullet wound himself, "Then I could've driven you and this wouldn't have happened."
Sarah couldn't do much more than roll her brown eyes at him and shake her head. It was such a guy thing to say and caveman reaction to have.
"If I hadn't been there, then April, Doris or Monique could've been hit and hurt instead. I'm glad it was me." She muttered back.
"I am so sorry, Sarah." Natalie unknowingly cut in just as Connor's eyes darkened into murky storm clouds and narrowed at her. She passed Dr. Rhodes another piece of gauze so he could staunch the bleeding. It had slowed some, but not enough for the doctors around her to quit tending to her. "It's terrifying to be shot at. I can't believe you were hit."
"Neither can I," Connor's agreed darkly. Another eye roll.
"I'm fine," she reassured both of the doctors. But it was aimed more towards the man who regularly shared his bed with her. Then she looked fully at Dr. Manning because she could already hear Connor's response to her next question in her head.
"I'd like to go to work, if you'll sign off on it."
"Really?" Monique and April asked in unison from their places behind her while Connor said, "Sarah, you were shot at and hit. You should go home."
(Neither Sarah nor Connor saw the puzzled look Dr. Manning and the two nurses shared. Since they were at odds with each other, they didn't realize they were using a degree of familiarity, Gaffney hadn't yet seen from them.)
"I'm fine, Connor." She emphasized to him. It wasn't the first time a weapon was aimed at her. Then she saw Alvin Olinsky turn a corner. She held in a sigh. Because if Uncle Alvin was here then her day just got that much more difficult. They locked eyes and he made a beeline for her.
Sarah held in her eye roll and another sigh as the older man stopped just before entering the treatment bay. "Hey kid, heard you had quite the morning."
Now all doctors and nurses minus Sarah were sharing looks of puzzlement because they had never heard this degree of familiarity from Reese and Detective Olinsky. (That they knew of.)
"Honestly, I'm surprised you're not Dad or Erin,"
Uncle Alvin smirked, "I'm as close as they can get because Commander Crowley knows exactly who you belong to."
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#one chicago#chicago med#Rheese#Sarah Reese#Connor Rhodes#my writing#Voight Family Values#felicitysmoaksx 2024 advent writing challenge
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What does your future self wants to say to you? [Divination Reading no. 2]
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🚩 Remember to take what only resonates to you.
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Pile 01
Hey! I hope you're okay. You know, I miss you very much. If only I could back to that day or that version of myself, I would do better but it's too late but not that much. It's like, umm... to boost myself better kind of thought I really miss our moments together, messing with each other and crying like we're in some sort of a movie. This time it's different, it's like I've been consumed to responsibilities and nothing excites me that much. I wanna go back but I can't still, I'm glad I am at a better place financially speaking, spiritually, I don't know I'm not sure but moving this heavy message aside. I hope you're having fun right now make sure that the path you chose is different. I gotta go now, I have a lot of work to do see you again, sometime ❤
🔴 In summary, this one page of my notebook is not enough to say everything she wants to say, If I let her continue I'm afraid it will a whole chapter of a novel lol
🔴 A farm or barn may be significant
🔴 The part where she said different, screams something to me... don't be someone you're not because others their best for you, know when to take it and leave it (e.g in college course)
🔴 I imagined a girl with a long hair, oversized shirt in the rain, laughing her pain to let it go
🔴 She's talkative, my hand hurts writing this hahaha
🔴 You're an extrovert who may be mistaken as an introvert (Oops, I mean you're an introvert and people see you as an extrovert when you're alone, look how I write it wrong here too🤣)
🔴 Majority here seems to be teenagers like me xD
Pile 02
(Trigger warning: mention of sui!c1d3)
Live your life, I'm grateful that I did not t@ke my life (do you have su1cid@l thoughts pile 2?). Bro it's so peaceful to be here, I thought taking my you know will end it but I was wrong, something came to me that stopped me, it was an angel. She was warm and nice (tall too around 5'8, white pale skin color). I think I can't imagine myself to be here if not for her. Now I'm working a normal job with a normal life, enough for me to decide what I want. Ya get what I'm saying? I wasn't planning to have kids, but look! I have one (three or two for some of you). Life's so short and times so fast so keep doing you lad 😉
Peace out! Oh before that, I just want to tell you to don't force anything okay? It'll come, THAT thing so yeah, let's talk again some time 😉
🔴 I feel like majority that picked this pile are dudes (straight but, again take it how it resonates if you're a member of LGBTQ)
🔴 Chill people
🔴 THAT thing may mean a number of things, depending on you it can be your dream, or really THAT sezzz, etc.
🔴 The angel maybe a literal angel, someone you know (e.g friends, family, etc.) or you're future spouse
🔴 I imagined someone with a curly hair light brown and has beared, he's thin but tall, white skin as well
🔴 He's wearing a jacket, white tee, and long pants (pale dark blue)
🔴 You're maybe in you're twenties or turning 30
🔴 Moon in Gemini at 4th House
🔴 For some of you, I'm feeling that your future spouse (especially if they're a girl) have the vibes of the tracks below.
Pile 03
I can't believe I'm already here, I'm so successful! I've got the benz and my Renz (man, dream guy/the one, whatever you call it). You've got the boss energy, trust me the people who helped you. I feel like the richest on the earth hhahah
Keep on going mama, the universe got us! Loyalty! Love yourself and other people and it will get back to you. It may not be exactly as the way you want it but, I promise you and I'm sure it going to be better, the best. You'll get it poppin! Ya know what I'm sayin?😘
🔴 Don't be consumed by fame, be yourself positively.
🔴 Some people here have the "Who you?" tendency in a negative way, please don't be like that. (Who you means treating the people you know as strangers because you have the bag and everything you dreamed of)
🔴 Remember being a bish to others will give you shi* to yourself, and your loved ones, your child may be the one who'll suffer if you don't change it
🔴 Funny people are reading this pile
🔴 Harry styles, love and disco songs maybe you're favorite/topic of your songs
🔴 Influencer, artists, rappers, people of color, rags to riches, attitude
🔴 Neptune in Capricorn at the First House
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METHOD USED: AUTOMATIC WRITING and spotify playlists
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❤️🔥FOLLOW ME HERE❤️🔥
Facebook Pages: IREN & IRE
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❤ Thank you! See you on my next post! ❤
💋 Be you, Do you, You are You! 💋
#Spotify#divination readings#divination#pick a card#pick a pile#pac#tarot#tarot community#tarot reading#ire-as-iris
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My elder sister always had a lot of male attention, especially since she started at the local university. Every week it seemed there was a new guy trying to get into her pants. She was quite receptive to it and was masterful at flirting just enough to keep a group of guys in perpetual orbit around her. Unfortunately for her and her would-be lovers, our dad was pretty old-fashioned and kept a close eye on her. He had declared that she would have no boyfriend until she graduated. He knew where she was and who she was with at all times, and he had forbidden her from even bringing a boy around the house. He was paying for her college, and she was still living at home, so she reluctantly obeyed. It frustrated the guys, who lusted after her to no end. The perfect young woman, willing to give it up but out of their reach. For a whole year it looked like no one would have the opportunity to do anything with her. That was until they discovered a way to get to her without raising my dad's suspicion. Me.
I went to the same university she did and was only a year below her. My dad had really encouraged me to go to the same school. He'd given me a big lecture about how I would be able to 'perform my brotherly duty' and 'help safe guard her virtue'. I'd agreed, if only so he'd leave me alone. I hadn't even been there a week before two guys approached me, asking about my sister.
"Is your sister Ashley Williams?" Said the guy on the left without even saying so much as a hello.
"Y-yes. She is." I stumbled over my words and felt my face flush. I wasn't used to talking to such good-looking guys, and them both being shirtless didn't help.
"Your sister's well fit, mate." Said the guy on the right, a big, dumb smile on his face.
"Er... thanks?" I said. Not being entirely sure how to respond to that.
"Listen," said the guy on the left, who I later found out was called Derek. "Ashley said that you had a way to contact her without her dad knowing; is that true?"
"Eh yeah, I told her that if she ever wanted to talk to someone behind dad's back, she could have them go through my phone. Dad doesn't track the content of the messages, just who they are from." I was taken aback that Ashley had already told some guys, since I'd only talked to her about it a few days ago.
"Excellent, mate." Said the guy on the right, who I'd find out was called Brad. He stretched out his hand. "Give me your phone, and I'll drop her a line."
"Fuck off; I'm the one who's going to be chatting her up." Derek said, knocking Brad's hand out of the way and squaring up to him. "It's obvious she wants me."
"In your dreams." Brad said, pushing back against Derek. "Ashley wants to get with a real stud, not a loser like you."
It looked like neither was going to back down. They seemed to be flexing their muscles at each other, and I was worried they would start swinging punches. "I-I'm sure we can all come to an arrangement." I said, not being able to take my eyes off their bulging muscles.
Derek noticed where I was looking and smirked. "It looks like your sister's not the only one interested. I'll tell you what. If you let me use your phone, you can lick my chest. That's the sort of thing gay guys like, isn't it?"
I was momentarily stunned at his suggestion. But I couldn't deny that I wanted to wrap my lips around his chest muscles. Meekly, I handed my phone over to Derek. He gave me a smile and thrust his chest out, offering it to me. Not needing any extra invitation, I bent down to run my tongue along his chest muscles.
"Dude, I can't believe you're letting him lick you. That's pretty gay." Said Brad, who was staring at me as I bathed Derek's muscles with my tongue.
"If it gets me access to his sister, I'll let him serve me however he wants." Derek said as he sent a text to my sister with my phone while I worshipped his muscles. Having finished his message, he tossed my phone back to me. "Forward me the reply, and I'll let you service me again when I send the next message." With that, he walked off, leaving Brad in disbelief and me still desperate to continue worshipping him.
Brad recovered quicker than I did. "Well, if that's what it takes to get in Ashley's pants, I suppose I've got no choice." Brad turned to me; he was running his hand across his six-pack. "I'll offer the same deal. Hand over the phone, and you can give my abbs a few licks."
I didn't say anything. I simply handed him the phone and began worshipping his abbs.
It only escalated from there. Ashley began an extensive correspondence with both guys, which meant they were constantly coming to me to send their replies. Both were aware that they were in competition for her attention, so their offers to get at my phone steadily increased. Derek would get ahead by offering to let me suck his toes, only for Brad to counter by letting me clean his post-workout armpits.
Ashley wasn't aware of what her suitors were doing to get to my phone. She was just grateful for my facilitation of her flirting. Her ignorance meant she didn't realise what she was doing when she declared that the guy who messaged her the most would be the guy she'd be most interested in. This sent Derek's and Brad's competitive efforts into overdrive. In no time at all, they were letting me sniff their crotches through their underwear or letting me stick my face between their ass cheeks multiple times a day. All in an effort to send more messages than their rival.
It finally came to a head when both of them came to use my phone at the same time. I knew they were tied in terms of the number of messages sent and that Ashley had promised them that whoever had sent the most messages by the end of the day could come over to her house. (Under the guise of being my friend to get past our dad.) Both men were determined to finally get physical access to Ashley and be the one to take her virginity. And I was fully prepared to take advantage.
When they approached me, I was down on my knees, looking up at them. I gave them a shy smile. "I'll give my phone to the guy who lets me suck their cock." I said.
Any hesitation they'd once had about letting me serve them had long since melted away due to my tongue and their determination to get with my sister. Both of them responded by pulling down their pants to reveal their already hardening cocks. I took a moment to marvel at the two straight cocks in front of me. Both were bigger than mine, and I was of average size. Derek's was slightly longer, but Brad's was slightly thicker.
Derek stepped forward first, thrusting his cock against my cheek. "Go on. Suck my cock. Get it nice and ready for your sister."
"Back off, mate." Brad said as he stepped forward, knocking against Derek's hips and positioning his cock against my other cheek. "He's going to be sucking my cock, and I'm the one who's going to be getting with Ashley."
Both men began jostling against each other, trying to get in a better position to slide their cocks into my mouth.
In order to stop them from escalating into a full-blown physical fight, I grabbed their cocks. With one cock in each hand, I quickly stroked them to full hardness. It did the trick in stopping them from fighting, as they were too absorbed in the hand jobs I was giving them.
Bringing their two cock heads together, I began licking and teasing the tips with my tongue, eliciting curses from them. I made sure to suck on both of them as equally as possible, not wanting to show favouritism.
Each of them tried to gain the upper hand by grabbing my head and thrusting their cocks forward, past their rival's, and into my mouth. But each time the other would not give up ground, jerking my head back towards them and thrusting forward to deny their foe any deeper access to my mouth. I had to stretch my lips more than I ever had before to keep both of their tips in my mouth.
After neither could gain an advantage, they began to grow impatient. "He's such a fucking tease. He's going to keep stringing us along." Derek snarled, apparently not directed at me but at his competitor.
"True that, man. He should make up his mind over who's cock he wants for him and his sister." Brad said. Sharing a look, they both withdrew from my mouth, causing me to let out a whine at the loss of their cocks.
"Times up, slut. Choose which cock is going to be taking your sister's virginity." Derek said. "Yeah, no more stringing us along; make your choice." Brad added.
I was paralysed with indecision, wanting to serve both. I honestly couldn't choose between them. It was in that moment that my sister unwittingly came to my rescue. My phone buzzed with the distinctive tone I'd set for Ashley. I quickly snatched it up and read the message she'd sent. It was for her two suitors. I read it aloud for them.
"Hey boys, what's keeping you? I've been so horny waiting for your sexy messages and I haven't received even one from either of you! Did you forget that I said whoever sends the most messages by midnight gets to come over? Well the game is still on! Just thinking about it makes me so wet. I need the best man to take my virginity so step it up boys!"
The effect on the straight men as I read the message was obvious. Both had started to jack off while I'd been reading, and both were now harder than I'd ever seen them before. Their faces were also completely different. Before, when I'd served them, they'd at most expressed arousal at my attempts to get them off. Now they showed almost animalistic lust. They were straight alphas who had been teased with what they truly desired: pussy. I realised in that moment that I'd never truly be able to have or satisfy either of them. I was and always would be a mere means to an end for these straight studs. I'd never been harder in my life.
Realising after today they would have no reason to let me serve them, I quickly came up with a way to get as much straight cock in the time I had left. "Whoever is currently fucking my face gets my phone until they cum. Then the other takes over until they cum. We repeat until my sister's deadline."
Derek reacts faster than his rival. He plunges his cock into my waiting mouth, snatches my phone from my hands, and immediately begins texting my sister. I'm in heaven, sucking on the long, straight cock lodged in my throat. I bob my head up and down his cock, trying to make him feel as good as possible, but he hardly even grunts as I take him to his base, too engrossed in his conversation with my sister.
Brad stands scowling at Derek's side. His fists clench; he too is engrossed in the text conversation, ignoring me completely. He starts muttering in Derek's ear, and at first I can't hear what he's saying, but Derek's grunts grow louder as Brad talks to him. I hear snippets of what Brad is saying; words like 'tight', 'pussy', and 'virgin'. I realise he's talking dirty about my sister to get Derek to cum faster. It works. Derek let out a moan of release, and my mouth was flooded with his sperm. I try to swallow as much as I can, but it's too much, and his seed spills out of my mouth.
Before Derek can completely finish cuming or I can fully suck his cock clean, Brad yanks my head off of Derek's cock, shoves him out of the way, and rams his thick dick down my throat. He's grabbed my phone as well and is messaging my sister furiously, trying to catch up. I get to work sucking his cock, not caring about my rough treatment; I'm just glad I've got another straight cock to suck.
Derek adopts Brad's tactics right away, whispering in his ear about what a slut my sister is and how good her pussy would feel. He also has his own tactics. Grabbing the back of my head, he holds me down on Brad's cock until I'm gagging on it. It sends Brad wild, and after the third time Derek holds my head down, my spasming throat and the latest message from my sister send him over the edge, and he dumps a load down my throat.
They swap me back and forth for hours. The time they spend fucking my throat becomes longer and longer as their balls are drained more and more. All the while they text my sister, try to get the other off, and ignore me as much as possible, only interacting with me with their cocks or with a hand on my head as they direct me to suck their rival off faster.
Finally, it reaches midnight. Both Derek and Brad are spent. My sister says she'll count up the messages and let us know who the winner is tomorrow. They give me back my phone, and stumble off, arm in arm. Despite it all, it seems that competition has allowed them to bond. At least until they find out who's won.
I sit there exhausted, covered in a mix of their cum, my throat raw and sour from being fucked for so long. I've cum multiple times in my pants during the hours I've been servicing them. I'm still hard as a rock, and as I reach to get myself off one last time, I receive another text from Ashley. "Hey bro, still counting up the messages. I'm excited to let the winner come over but I do like both guys and I'd want the loser to stick around. Maybe have some fun with him after. Could you take care of him? Let him know he still has a shot. Thanks bro x"
I cum in my pants, envisioning how I'd take care of the loser while he waited for my sister. I text my sister back. "No problem sis. They'll do anything for you."
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This is a post about why I'm currently considering myself to be nonbinary, but it's not a post about gender.
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It’s about 90% of the elementary school girls wanting to sit on the grass and talk about boys, and me still not understanding why even now, in my mid 30s.
It’s about ‘girls books’ that were all about friendship drama and worrying about menstruating, and how these were framed as universal concerns. My only friends were a pair of male cousins and we mostly cared about how our Lego ninjas’ castle infiltration was going. (The options were limited in my small library in the mid-90s.)
It’s about the ‘wild’, ‘disobedient’, and 'hyper' kids in the books I grew up with being so much better behaved than me, even on my best day, that I’d puzzle over it for weeks. Maybe if my parents were stricter I would be able to follow instructions easier? Maybe I was one of the mean kids in those books? Why was nobody in books like me?
It’s about the revulsion I feel when I think about ‘romantic’ gestures. Remembering my mom getting flowers from someone at church, and my aunt getting upset when I laughed about how she wouldn’t like them. MY MOM IS ALLERGIC TO FLOWERS, but a person who had nothing to do with the situation got offended that I didn’t consider them a thoughtful and nice gift. It makes me feel nauseous thinking about how I’m ‘supposed’ to think things that I don’t want and can’t use are loving gifts, just because society decided they were.
It's about people wanting me to already know their social conventions, and feeling like they are doing SO MUCH WORK when they make allowances for my mistakes, but thinking that learning anything about how I like to communicate is asking far too much of them.
It's about trying to make friends as a teen, and all the guys getting upset or weird when it became clear that wasn't code for dating.
It's about makeup giving me rashes, and my hair being done up giving me headaches.
It’s about women in lingerie in ads, and how I wore a headscarf for a year in reaction to how that made me feel.
It's about learning biblical gender roles, and getting really excited about the idea of protection and love in return for submission. And then finding out I like the BDSM understanding of protection and submission a lot more than I like the church's. That the person I love doesn't have the skill to protect me in ways that make submission safe.
It’s about having noise and light sensitivities, but being expected to enjoy crowded weddings.
It’s about people acting disgusted when I get too loud. Or excited. Or happy. Or interested.
It's about 'body language experts' that ""explain"" what various gestures mean, and it's about that month when my husband believed them and told me I was wrong about what I felt.
It's about definitions of 'womanhood' and 'humanity' that contain things that exclude me. And learning how to be okay with being the exception this time. And eventually getting so used to being the exception that I can no longer connect to the concept at all.
It's about only reading fantasy, now, because an elf's experience isn't supposed to be relatable.
It’s about learning that ‘I actually wanted’ things I didn’t want, and I was ‘unreasonable’ when I said no, and I was being ‘too sensitive’ when things physically or emotionally hurt.
It’s about being ADHD and aroace and weird in far too many ways; in a culture that seems to consider that to be willful rebellion and disrespect.
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I don’t know how to be a woman. I don’t know how to feel good about being a woman. I don't feel I can fulfill the roles and dynamics associated with femininity. I can't present myself in the expected ways, and I don't really want to. In isolation, 'woman' feels like an accurate description. But than I think of OTHER people considering me a woman, and having the right to define what that means, and I just can't.
I need a break from considering myself female, so I can figure out how to do it in a way that doesn’t break me.
I want to learn how to interact with other people in a way that are less exhausting and painful. Engage on my own terms, and disengage if those terms aren’t fulfilled. Protect my own boundaries with strangers and acquaintances - people I don’t expect to make allowances for me. Not by demanding things of them, but by only offering myself on certain terms.
I don't want to ask anything about anyone else. I'm tired of it being about them. I want to ask things of myself. Ask for respect, and care. Figure out what that would actually look like. I want to process and let go of my self-hatred and feelings of being 'designed wrong'.
I've heard the terms 'acegender' and 'neurogender'. They don't excite me, but I recognize that's part of what's going on. Having ADHD gets in the way of performing womanhood to the point that it becomes hard to separate them. And some much of femaleness is defined in relation to being a part of a heterosexual romantic couple. I've got the man, but that hasn't helped me decode the mysteries of romantic and sexual attraction. The baffling concept of men having some sort of allure that women lack, of being a different category.
But, like my marriage isn't about my lack of attraction (it's about the choice I made to love him, and the decade plus of commitment we've had to each other), being nonbinary isn't about my lack of understanding of and ability to perform womanhood. It's about choosing to love myself, and recognizing that I've internalized enough harmful beliefs that I can't healthily identify as female right now.
It's not about gender.
#nonbinary#gender stuff#neurodivergence#asexuality#acegender#neurogender#when you spent years thinking your desire for they/them pronouns was about not being female#and it turns out it's actually about wanting to opt out of stereotypes that were destroying you
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