#i started going on a rant about magic and gwaine's thoughts about it but then i stopped himself because off topic

[gd-dollopole]

Merlin follows Arthur everywhere, but Arthur follows Merlin everywhere too (what I believe was a possible Camelot’s Golden Age)

Do we talk about this enough? I don’t know (obviously we do), so here I am, because I need to get this out of my system.

But before I get straight to the point, you’ll need to bear with me and listen to my ranting about Freya.

I genuinely don’t know why and maybe I just read the wrong fanfictions, but why does there seem to be a collective thinking about how Merlin wouldn’t have gone with Freya because he couldn’t abandon Arthur?

Are we talking about the same Merlin?

Whatever someone believes Merlin and Freya loved each other platonically or romantically, my man was ready to flee:

Merlin didn’t think about it one second, before he went back home to Ealdor to save his mother and the villagers. “Oh, but it’s his mom”, and Freya was a poor, tortured and outcasted girl, traumatised and oppressed by the same system that oppressed Merlin, who had been finally understood by a girl who was ready to love him and live with him. And my babygirl Merlin was ready to have that, ready to live as himself and run away with someone who cared enough about him to wait for him.

Merlin never thought about the consequences of helping someone, especially in the first seasons. I could argue the point that he didn’t care about Freya (much like he didn’t care about a lot of other people) with season four/season five Merlin, but in the second season, Merlin still had the faith and hope of doing what was right, and even if very dangerous, didn’t care about his actions to the point even Gaius didn’t know what he was up to.

The following up seasons are a contradiction to the first two, because Merlin and Arthur had began to finally change. We see them talk back to both Gaius and Uther, siding with Morgana and her plans, and try to do what was right in the best of their capacity (and it makes even more sense that Merlin couldn’t still do much, since he was starting to understand his powers and their extent only then)

And even in season four, with no one by his side, not even Arthur, and barely Gwaine, Merlin didn’t think about it twice to go save Gaius all by himself, against people he didn’t know, Agravaine and Morgana.

So for those who has stayed, here comes my point:

Arthur has a tendency, if we don’t want to name it an homosexual calling towards his manservant, to follow Merlin almost everywhere:

Even if Merlin and Arthur had already tested their limits, and by this, I mean for how long they could stay more than one inch apart from each other, Arthur followed Merlin to Ealdor. My man had two heads, and for a moment longer than what was considered not gay, he thought more with one than the other, and we all know which one I’m referring too. But jokes aside, Merlin had already drank poison for Arthur, and yet, he loved more people than just him, like his mother, and did what he felt was right;

With Freya, Arthur would have resisted two seconds without Merlin, somehow found out that the idiot had had to protect the fourth magical creature of the week, and after rolling his eyes and debating his heterosexuality for the umpteenth time during the last hours, would have packed his things and followed Merlin, to hell with the kingdom (and if we want to be romantic, what’s a kingdom to Arthur without his best friend, court sorcerer, lover, Merlin? Consequently, Arthur would have even followed Freya, and the three would have been followed by Gwen and Morgana, and together start the revolution we deserved to see).

And if it hadn’t been for Agravaine, with his horrid, yet somehow successful manipulation, (I blame this on Arthur’s stupidity and his lack of affection), Arthur would have believed Merlin’s thoughts about Gaius and followed him there, too.

And I’m not even talking about the times where Arthur blindly followed Merlin on quests because of his ‘funny feelings’, didn’t think about it twice to bring Gwaine with them on a quest that was supposed to be a secret, followed Merlin around the castle, because he needed him either for practise or to clean his things, or to polish the bloody armour (it should have been the other way around, Merlin following Arthur around because the chores were literally his job, but fine) and whenever Merlin mysteriously disappeared, Arthur questioned the entire castle about him, following not Merlin, but those who could have seen him. If we were given the show we deserved, now we would have scenes of Arthur walking all the way down the lower town in nothing but breeches, a tunic and bare feet to haul Merlin by the back of his collar and bring him back to the castle, with a grumpy face on, because: “How could you abandon me, Merlin?” (he had been gone away for one hour).

We often talk about how much Merlin goes around Arthur, because he is literally his destiny, but if we are talking about two sides of the same coin, two halfs that cannot hate the other, very heterosexual endearing names they have given each other over the duration of ten years…

Then,

Merlin is Arthur’s destiny.

It’s balanced, even with their relationship:

One is a servant, the other is a prince/king;

One is oppressed, the other oppresses him;

One is rich, the other is poor;

One is awful at fighting (with anything other than his magic), the other is one of the best warriors in all Five Kingdoms;

One is literally magic, the other doesn’t have it, but was born of it;

In the first part of the series, one has a father, the other has a mother;

One is good at and likes hunting, the other isn’t good at and dislikes hunting;

One is an idiot, the other is… Alright, this is fair, at least.

One is gay, the other isn’t.

The differences are there, but Merlin and Arthur have one goal in common:

Bring peace to Camelot, and unite all of Albion.

Aside the obvious fact, which is that they both didn’t achieve the goal, and when trying to do just that, they were both shite at it, the Golden Age they had to bring was literally each other.

Merlin and Arthur are balanced by character and personality, behaviour and station, but there was only one thing they really cared about:

each other.

Merlin had to bring out Arthur’s love and respect for those unlike him, show him that magic was not the fault of people’s crimes, but their actions, help him distance himself from Uther and everything that is Uther, and build a new reign of prosperity and equality, and therefore peace.

Meanwhile, Arthur had to help, by being a king, bring out Merlin’s voice, powers, true self, and by listening to him, following him, and liberating all who were like him and make actual peace.

Okay, both didn’t do shit, but we can say they tried (?)

All of this to say that Arthur and Merlin did things the same, but differently. The story described them as two sides of the same coin, and did show exactly that (even if, at times, poorly).

If they had the chance to truly loved each other, in the right way, the Golden Age would have arrived for everyone.

And the Golden Age was meant to first make Merlin and Arthur see who they really were, show their true feelings, and finally fuck each other’s brains out, and then to bring prosperity to the kingdom of Camelot, and therefore all of Albion.

We can say:

Merlin’s Golden Age was Arthur, and Arthur’s Golden Age was Merlin.

And this implies that Albion’s greatest need is Merlin, and Arthur will rise again when Merlin will need him the most.

[phantomchick]

Merlin fic rec list

To Be A King by clotpolesonly Teen And Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Gen, Merlin and Arthur, Merlin and Mordred, Gwen/Arthur, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Canonical Character Death, BAMF Merlin, Dragonlord Merlin, Original setting, Magical kingdom, King Merlin, Royal!Merlin Summary: When Merlin discovers that his father was an estranged prince and he himself is now the only heir to the throne of a magical kingdom, he is forced to leave Camelot for the perils of a royal court. Will Merlin be able to win Arthur's favor again before Morgana launches an attack on a defenseless Camelot? Will he be able to defend his own kingdom at the same time or will all be lost? -

A Matter of Sovereignty by Kizmet Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Friendship Summary A visiting prince takes it into his head to brutalize Merlin, but sometimes the solution to a problem is in how you phrase it.

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Bumps and Bruises by platonic_boner merthur, implied/suspected abuse, Protective Arthur, Magic Revealed, pre-relationship, teen an up, canon typical violence,

Summary: Arthur notices Merlin’s constant injuries, and decides he needs to step in and protect Merlin.

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Finding Home by riventhorn Arthur/Merlin, Hurt/Comfort Summary: Written for a kinkme_merlin prompt. When Gaius retires a new physician takes over and quickly kicks Merlin out of his room and takes it for himself. Arthur finds Merlin sleeping in the stables...and it's winter.

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How To Love A Living Thing by Polomonkey Mature, merthur, Merlin/Arthur, Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Violence, Sexual Harassment, Drowning, Guilt, Romance, Protective Arthur, Mild Sexual Content, Redemption, Healing, Canon Era

Summary Guilt ridden and lonely after his confrontation with Nimueh, Merlin slowly begins to isolate himself from Arthur. When two knights take it upon themselves to teach him his place, Merlin finds himself with nowhere to turn. Will he be able to reach out to his prince before it's too late?

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Obeisance by casspeach Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: It's not that Arthur won't share his toys, just that he expects to get them back undamaged

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All's Well That Ends Well by StormDancer explicit, Merlin/Arthur, Arthur Finds Out, magic reveal Summary: Merlin spent the week and a half that Arthur was gone splitting his time between crafting careful explanations that never ended up explaining the important things, the things that would make Arthur listen, and making half-baked plans to escape to Ealdor. He found a number of fire-proofing spells that would have no effect if they decided to cut his head off, and figured out how to adapt an invulnerability spell he had been trying to find a way to cast on Arthur without him noticing so that it would protect him from being decapitated, but it would have no effect on anything but metal. Despite all his frantic searching, he did not find a teleportation spell, because that would have been too simple and if there was one thing Merlin had learned in his years at Camelot, it was that nothing was ever simple.

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Deeds by the5leggedCricket Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Episode Related, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon, Teen and Up,

Summary: Arthur is coming of age, and that means he’s about to get Deeds—marks on his body telling him of his soulmate’s greatest accomplishments. But as he tries to find his soulmate, he also makes some worrying discoveries about the kind of person his soulmate is.

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Honorable Intentions by smilebackwards Gwaine/Merlin, Guinevere/Arthur Pendragon, Courtship, Protectiveness, Protective!Arthur, Teen and Up, Summary: There are several considerations Arthur would like to go over, starting with the state of Merlin's virtue.

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Laundry's Hard Work by supercalvin Gen, Teen and Up, Canon Era, can be read as pre-slash, BAMF Merlin

Summary: Wasn't Merlin supposed to be...tiny? When the hell had he learned to use a sword and not fall on his backside? Where the hell did those scars from? What the hell?

or Arthur still thinks Merlin is the young boy he met ten years ago and he starts to notice things in his manservant that he wasn't aware had changed at all.

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Fathom Me Out by supercalvin Merlin/Arthur, Canon Era, Magic Revealed, Teen and up,

Summary: After ten years, Arthur thinks he has Merlin all figured out. But as he watches Merlin, he finds out that he has more questions than answers. The longer he thinks about it, the more uneasy he feels. So he pushes it aside. Except, he can no longer ignore the questions he has about Merlin. Not your everyday reveal!fic

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Loyalty Before Royalty by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, Gwen & Merlin, Arthur and Merlin being the most iconic duo? I think tf not, Gwen and Merlin wreaking havoc? Teaming up against Arthur? That's the most iconic duo there, as usual, Explicit Language, Fluff and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Arthur is so exasperated, someone help him, good thing he loves them both

Summary: "Where did you get that?" Arthur asked, but he already knew the answer. "Gwen." "...and the horse?" "Gwen." "What about the-" "Gwen." Merlin interrupted. Arthur nodded. At this point, he wasn't sure why he even bothered to ask. He was pretty certain his wife was going to knight Merlin any day now.He looked Merlin up and down for a few moments before accepting it all with a sigh. "As long as you get my armor to me tomorrow...I don't care." He finally said, turning away. Merlin cleared his throat. "Gwen gave me tomorrow off." "For the love of God." Or I hate that Gwen and Merlin's friendship kind of withered away in the later seasons so here's a oneshot about her and Merlin abusing her new royal powers because that's what happens when your best friend becomes queen.

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Know It All Knight by Shi_Toyu Leon & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table, Magic Revealed, protective leon, Arthur Finds Out, Oblivious Arthur

Summary: Leon couldn’t say for sure when the exact moment was that he figured out Merlin had magic. He’d suspected it for a little while, to be honest. He definitely had it figured out by the time Arthur managed to ‘kill’ the Great Dragon. What Leon could say for sure was the exact moment he figured out that no one else had figured out Merlin had magic.

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The Nature of Trust by Lynds Merlin's Magic Revealed, Leon is the Mam Friend, Leon is so done, Protective Gwaine, Lancelot Lives, Canon Era, Arthur Finds Out, Hurt Merlin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, reference to hunting and cooking animals Summary: Leon starts to notice that the knights, one by one, are starting to trust Merlin's judgement. That he keeps warning Arthur about danger, and being right. Is there more to Merlin than meets the eye?

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Repercussions by PeaceHeather Fix-It of Sorts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lecture, Rants, Episode: s02e06 Beauty and the Beast, Episode: s02e05 Beauty and the Beast, Canon Era, One Shot, Gen Summary: Uther married a troll. In canon, that all worked out fine eventually. In this slight canon divergence, there is at least one noble who's not willing to let it slide so easily.

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No Harm Will Come to You Here by fancyh Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Season/Series 05, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Fluff and Angst, temporary amnesia, teen and up,

Summary: "That was magic," Arthur accuses.

"Oh." Merlin just nods, looking unperturbed.

Arthur fights to keep his expression calm, mind racing and heart pounding. "Sorcery is outlawed in Camelot. On pain of death."

Merlin splutters, finally fixing Arthur with an affronted glare. "It's not like I meant to do it!"

***

Merlin gets hit with a spell meant for Arthur and loses his memory. Revelations ensue. Set sometime after 5x02.

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Metamorphose by clotpolesonly Merlin/Arthur, Teen and Up, Between Seasons/Series, Episode: s03e01 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part I), Episode: s03e02 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part II), Mpreg, Magic Reveal, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, morgana redemption, some transphobic language from Merlin when he finds out he’s pregnant because of magic but it’s mostly just the shock that does it Summary: When Merlin falls into bed with Arthur, he doesn't expect for to wake up alone. He doesn't expect Arthur to give him the cold shoulder either, but there is something else he expects even less which forces him out of the kingdom for over a year. He returns to find a traitor in the court, an army on the way, and a love he'd thought all but lost waiting for him with open arms.

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Four Days To Fall In Love. by CupCakezys Teen and Up, No archive warnings apply, Merlin/Arthur, Morgana/Gwen, Soulmate AU, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Protective Arthur, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship

Summary: In a world where everyone has a soulmate (or two or three), Arthur Pendragon knows he is destined to be alone. For Arthur can see his heartstring, could follow it to where his soulmate lived, and that could only mean one thing.

His soulmate had magic, and should they ever meet, Arthur would have to kill them.

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Sacrificial Lamb by RurouniHime Angst and Humor, Pining, First Time, First Kiss, Post Season 1, Initial Misunderstanding, But it’s resolved, Happy Ending, Fluff with a touch of angst at first

Summary: Arthur's been overworking his knights, so they come to Merlin as a last resort.

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Cheers and Spirits by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, The knights are kinda fools, but the best king, Humour, Fluff, Fluff and Humour, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin

Summary: Despite all the supposed trips to the tavern none of the knights have seen Merlin drunk. They decide to rectify that. A poor decision, really.

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Circle 'round the Truth by enviropony Merlin + Knights friendship, Gen, Magic Reveal, Oneshot, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin Summary: They know about the magic. Or, more accurately, Merlin's magic is the truth the knights circle around, and Merlin's loyalty is the one 'round which they rally. (A character study with some yelling, an action sequence, and a bit of walking.) Post-S4.

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Strict Justice by schweet_heart mutual pining, BAMF Arthur, magic reveal, canon au, oneshot, teen and up

Summary: After a particularly grueling battle, Merlin and Arthur share a quiet moment in their tent.

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before it breaks by schweet_heart Teen and Up, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, merlin whump, magic reveal, merlin & arthur, merthur

Summary: “It’s not what it looks like,” he says, hand still outstretched, barely a waver in his voice as he lies, outright, to Arthur’s face. “Sire, I can explain.”

“Can you,” Arthur says. He’s aware that he’s trembling, a seismic reaction to the outrage and denial still fighting it out inside his head, but he knows what he’s seen. What it must be. “Well, then, you’d better be quick about it, because it looks a lot like magic.”

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Until the Day I Die by Cookie Teen and Up, Oneshot, Angst, Temporary Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: Arthur believed Dragoon had killed his father, and so he plunged his sword deep into the sorcerer. Now Merlin was dying in his arms and Arthur was facing the future alone.

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These Castle Walls Bleed Lies by marguerite_26 Mature, hurt/comfort, Magic Reveal, Angst, Merthur, mentions of arthur/gwen, Gwen/Lancelot

Summary: With his father unfit to rule and Camelot decimated, Arthur must assume the role of King. But the truths he discovers shake the foundation of all he holds dear.

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before his eyes (he now sees clear) by hwc Teen And Up Audiences, Uther Pendragon is terrible and complicated, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: It takes Uther half a second to see Balinor in Merlin, and he's almost sure of what he should do.

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Keep Your Secrets by new_kate, orphan_account Mature, rape/non-con, torture, captivity, romance, alternate universe - canon, canon typical violence, hurt/comfort

Summary: Arthur Pendragon is captured by the bandits. While he waits to be ransomed, he slowly gets to know Merlin, the prisoner being held in the next cell.

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Crossing the Line by Ultrageekatlarge BAMF Merlin, Gen, Crack, Oneshot, Magic Reveal, Hurt! Merlin, Humour

Summary: In which Merlin gets bludgeoned, strangled, attacked, smothered, shot with glass, and tossed out a window, burned, whipped, stabbed, thrown down stairs, nearly drowned on dry land, and harpooned, and still manages to save Camelot from seven evil sorcerers, before lunch.

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Your Touch Is My Salvation by elirwen Magic Reveal, Canon Era, Oblivious idiots in love, Curses, Teen and Up, Oneshot, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Merlin suffers from an effect of a curse. Arthur can help more than he initially thought.

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A Heavy Heart to Carry by Thursday_Next Rescue, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Reveal, Oneshot, Mature, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Summary: When Merlin is captured and injured, Arthur must face up to his own feelings for his manservant as well as the many secrets he discovers are being kept from him.

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Can you do that? by no_nutcracker Merlin/Mithian, no archive warnings apply, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s04e11 The Hunter's Heart, Arthur & Merlin friendship

Summary: Merlin should be overjoyed. He just found his soulmate. If only she was not betrothed to Arhur.

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His Remedy for Care by ArgentSleeper Teen and Up, canon au, Episode: s02e13 The Last Dragonlord, Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fix It

Summary: Injured in the dragon attack in lieu of Arthur and afraid of being stopped from going on the mission, Merlin kept away from Gaius and never learned that Balinor was his father. Instead it's Arthur that puts two and two together as he seeks the dragonlord out, first to save his servant (not friend- they can't be friends), then to save his kingdom.

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A Considerable Head Start by ughbutidontwantto BAMF Merlin, Gen, when villains have more regard for you than friends, Camelot has a serious class problem, Merlin deserves better

Summary: Merlin is frighteningly competent and his friends are correctly concerned. Obviously they're going to follow him out to the woods. And obviously they're not going to like what they hea

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The Conscience of the King by ughbutidontwantto Gen, Post-Magic Reveal, Legal Drama, Oneshot, Friendship feels

Summary: Merlin's magic was revealed and now everyone has to deal with it in an official capacity since tragically most of these characters work in government. Arthur, predictably, is struggling to cope.

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Out of Sight, Out of Mind by BabyStepsAreStillSteps Merlin Deserved Better, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Episode: s05e09 With All My Heart, Fix It

Summary: When Arthur turned his back on the Dolma that he didn’t know was his manservant, Merlin reminded him that he was missing a very important member of their rescue party.

What if he hadn’t?

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What They Owe Us by ironspidereilish Merlin/Arthur, Alternate Universe, Aredian’s a tax collector instead of a witch hunter but he’s still a bastard, Hurt/Comfort, Poverty, Angst with a Happy Ending, Protective Arthur Pendragon, BAMF Arthur, Canon Era, Romance, sexual coercion mentioned, BAMF Merlin

Summary: When Arthur finds out that the castle staff are having their wages held for weeks at a time and can no longer afford food or their homes, he will not rest until they are protected and Aredian is stopped.

The fact that Merlin’s stomach is rumbling while he delivers the prince his breakfast, and Arthur hates the thought of him suffering, only serves as extra motivation to fix this.

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royal blood by Rona23 crack!fic, humour, comedy, Balinor Lives, Dragonlord things, Golden Age, Bamf Arthur, Bamf Balinor, Bamf Merlin, Fix It, Magic reveal, Oblivious Arthur, Merthur

Summary: ..... as if Balinor could be killed by Bandits O.o

Alternatively: An alternative take on Balinor surviving and saving Camelot. ... And then proceeding to hold the entire kingdom hostage, because he has a frigging Dragon at his disposal :)

- The way by Naelyn Episode: s04e11 The Hunter's Heart, POV Arthur Pendragon, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious Arthur, Until He’s Not, Hurt/Comfort, Merlin Deserved Better, Communication or lack thereof, Canon Divergence

Summary: "One more word out of you, and I swear to God I will send you into exile."

He knows it’s not the pyre, knows there’s much worse, but banishment would mean staying away from Arthur forever – and, as pathetic as that might sound, he thinks he would rather die than let that happen. It is clear that the feeling is not reciprocated, clear that in Arthur’s eyes, he will never come first. There’ll always be people coming before him, and he’s made peace with that long ago – but if even Agravaine can come before him, then anyone could, no? Anyone could replace him. Call Merlin a traitor and have Arthur get rid of him. Anyone could.

Merlin no longer feels safe in Camelot.

or: Arthur threatens Merlin of banishment. To Arthur's eyes, it's all forgotten. To Merlin's, however... Well, let's just say that his faith in their mutual destiny, once unwavering, finds itself faltering at a dangerously quick rate.

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Better in the Mourning by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, Lancelot & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Grief, Fluff and Angst, Gwen/Lance mentioned, let the characters grieve, 5 Knights of Grief

Summary: Merlin mourns Lancelot's death. The rest of the knights help out. (AKA Merlin gets to take advantage of not having to keep a dead loved one a secret and gets some goddamn support in this castle)

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I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121 Canon Era, Episode: s05e03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, Uther Pendragon’s A + Parenting, Ygraine/Uther, Arthur/Merlin, Balinor/Hunith, Dragonlord Merlin, BAMF Merlin, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: When Arthur blows the horn of Cathbdhah for the second time, the horn doesn’t just send Uther to the other world. It sends Arthur away as well – to a world where Ygraine never died, the Great Purge never happened, and magic lives freely at court. As do those who practice it.

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For Your Information by reni_days Merlin & Uther, Merlin/Arthur, Modern Era au, Oneshot, Teen and Up

Summary: Merlin sighs. "After your...announcement," he explains, "your father decided he needed a bit more information. Which is apparently where I come in. I'm sort of like his gay tutor, it's hard to explain."

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Good Fortune by platonic_boner Canon Era, Fluff, Merlin/Arthur, Oneshot

Summary: Arthur makes Merlin a lord, and Merlin does an astonishingly good job of running a village.

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Within Reach by foxy_mulder Explicit, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sex, Merlin/Arthur, Angst with a Happy Ending, Oneshot, Slowburn

Summary: Nobody touches Arthur.

Merlin realizes it slowly, and when he does, he wants to kick himself for not seeing sooner. ___________ (Or, Arthur and Merlin's relationship with touch over time.)

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Moment of Weakness by TheAsexualofSpades Gen, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Protective Knights, Protective Arthur Pendragon, Protective Merlin, Whump, Oneshot, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: After all Merlin's gone through, you'd think it would take some world-ending magic spell or an almost successful attempt on Arthur's life to shake him properly.

It isn't one of those, and Merlin has no idea why.

He just knows he can't be weak.

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The Only Reward Bestowed Upon Me by greatdumbking Gen, Oneshot, Merlin/Arthur, angst, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, Episode: s04e05 His Father's Son, Fix-It, Agravaine, Canon Era, Love Confessions

Summary: “You’re wrong Merlin. I don’t need anyone. I can’t afford that luxury. The kingdom's my responsibility now, and mine to bear alone. And you must learn to accept that.”

How could this hurt so much, a third time? Merlin could feel the façade of his casual indifference faltering. His face fell, tears were clawing at his throat, creeping into his eyes. It took all his effort to nod, steel his eyes, and swallow down the rising sob.

(How did Merlin get chosen the be the bait? Why did Arthur start pushing Merlin away? Why couldn't he see how much it was hurting him?)

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Maybe Not the Most Awkward Dinner to Happen in Camelot's Citadel, but it's Definitely Up There by HopePrevails Gen, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Oneshot, Humour, past Gwen/Merlin

Summary: When an argument about whether Merlin is remotely attractive or not breaks out over dinner, Queen Guinevere accidentally drops into the conversation that she had a crush on him when he first arrived in Camelot. Arthur takes it... like Arthur.

--x--

“Don’t look so surprised, Merlin.” Gwen said kindly. Perhaps she was the psychic. “You’re sweet and gentle, charismatic-” Arthur snorted. “- and I’m not going to let you walk out of those doors thinking you don’t look the part, either. Remember, even when you first came to Camelot, I-” She stopped herself, snapping her lips tightly shut.

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[fxndom-hoe]

So I was reading a ScreenRant article about what BBC Merlin got right about the stories and what it got wrong, but some of their explanations about the show were wrong and it was starting to annoy me. So I decided to hash it out here on tumblr and have my piece. And so that means you all are forced to hear me rant about some dumb article from the internet (or you can ignore me, I’m not the boss of you 😂).

Anyway, here's:

(I’m not gonna go through all the points, just the one’s I feel they got totally wrong.)

(Also, I’m going to try to keep this as unshippy as possible, but my own interpretations of the show are probably going to come out.)

WARNING: MENTION OF R*PE FROM SOURCE MATERIAL. ALSO, SPOILERS!!!

Ok so maybe this is my own opinion (like this whole post is going to be) but Merlin is technically a teacher. Not in the sense that Gaius is, not in the traditional “here, read this book for a lesson” sort of teacher, but he has actively tried to teach Arthur right from wrong during some instances where the royals were being stupid. Especially when Uther was trying to influence Arthur to do something that he thought was right (but since we know Uther, it was usually (always) actually wrong). Merlin was there to tell Arthur that his father was wrong, and in a way, that’s teaching/being a teacher.

Also, Merlin not being a lover is really a matter of opinion. He may not have had many actual romantic relationships canonically, but that isn’t what defines a “ladies man.” He’s attracted lots of women (and women). “Seen as inferior” my ass. In season one, Gwen had a major crush on him. In season five, Merlin had a slight flirtation with Sefa, even if that didn’t really last long. Throughout the series, we see the sexual tension between Merlin and Arthur. And Gwaine fell madly in love with him since they first met. And, of course, there’s Freya, which they already implied. So just because he’s only had one on-screen relationship doesn’t mean he’s not a heartbreaker. Also, he may not have had an actual relationship with Morgana, there’s definitely some kind of tension between them after she turns evil (whether it’s sexual or just them being enemies is up to you).

This may be me being really nitpicky, but the first time we see Excalibur IS 👏 NOT 👏 WITH 👏 FREYA 👏 This is the part that made me want to make this post. MERLIN 👏 DID 👏 NOT 👏 GET 👏 EXCALIBUR 👏 FROM 👏 FREYA 👏 Like, did the writer of this article even watch the show??? The episode where we see Excalibur for the first time is LITERALLY CALLED “EXCALIBUR!!!” And in the episode, it shows Excalibur being made when Kilgharrah BREATHED ON IT!!! Like, I don’t mean to be rude to the author, but you literally just had to watch the show one (1) time to know this. Maybe don’t write an article about a show you’ve never watched?? (Again, I really don’t wanna be rude, but this really rubbed me the wrong way.)

Again, I’m probably nitpicking, but wasn’t that the point of the show? Like, “Here’s the story of King Arthur except Merlin’s a twenty year old twink instead.” ? I mean, this really wasn’t all that big of a deal, but I need content and I had an opinion on this, so I’m sharing it. 

I mean, for the most part, this is right. We got the whole love triangle thing going on between these three. We got the tasteless “Lancelot du Lac” episode, which I just... we’re not going to talk about it.

 I think we all know, at this point, assuming we’ve all seen the posts talking/complaining about how Gwen was a princess, but instead they made her a servant. Especially because I think in the source material, Gwen was white, and when the show made her black and demoted her to a servant it was racist. Personally (and if this is racist, you guys should call me out on it), I like it because it shows a poor woman of color rising above everyone else and becoming queen, and that’s very badass of her and very empowering for WOC. (I’m not BIPOC so if I’m wrong about this, and anyone who is BIPOC found it offensive that they made Gwen a servant rather than a princess, you have every right to be.)

And now for my complaint: Gwen did actually become an antagonist for a few episodes. I mean, yes, she was technically under Morgana’s spell, so that makes her a victim more than a villain, but the storyline of Dark!Gwen makes her a temporary antagonist. So, article, you are wrong (in a way).

Ok so apparently Uther is just a despicable man no matter what story you try to tell. Just absolutely disgusting. And the fact that in the tales, Merlin actually helps Uther r*pe a woman 🤢🤮 Absolutely disgusting. 

But that's not why I’m talking about this part. The reason I bring this up is because if you watched the show, you would know that Nimueh tells Uther that they WERE FRIENDS. She wasn’t just some random sorcerer who he asked to use dark magic. She was his FRIEND who he asked for help when his wife couldn’t conceive. I think it might’ve also been implied that she was Court Sorcerer (but that might’ve just been a headcanon that I read). But either way, Uther didn’t just turn to dark magic to have a child. He asked his friend for help then betrayed her when it backfired on him.

Again, no matter what happened, Uther is just all around a terrible man.

Ok so this part I don't really have a problem with, but I am confused. I haven't read any source material, so I don’t know this for sure, but I thought Arthur did know about Merlin’s magic. Maybe not in all the tales, but is there not a single one where Arthur knows of Merlin’s abilities? Can someone who’s read up on the source material fact check this for me please. Because I thought the whole “magic is illegal so Merlin has to hide from Arthur” thing was made up for the show, but maybe I’m wrong? Someone help please, thank you! 😊 

Ooohoohoo! Again, no problem with this specifically, but I am reacting. I always thought that Merlin always played a big role in Arthur’s life (not as best friend like in the show) but like an important advisor. I thought Merlin was more than just someone who played a minor role in Arthur’s life. Like, Merlin is such a big figure in pop culture, I could never even imagine that he wasn’t that important in Arthur’s life. Is he more important in the stories than he is to Arthur himself? Is that it? How does that work? I think it might be because I’m a huge Merthur shipper (yes, I know I said I wouldn’t bring ships into this, but I had to for this one), but I really can’t imagine Merlin not being important to Arthur. I mean, I watched this three hour long movie called Merlin starring Sam Neill, and if I’m remembering that correctly, didn’t Merlin raise Arthur? I can’t really remember, but this just feels so wrong to me.

So that's the end of the screenshots, but I do want to mention that the article (which I’ll be linking in the source) talked about how a difference between the story and the show is that in the story, Merlin doesn’t have a family, and just...   HOW SAD??? That is so heartbreaking, and maybe that’s just me imagining the show’s Merlin, our sweet boy who cares about family so fucking much, without a family, and that just makes me sad. But is that true, though? Does the Merlin in the King Arthur tales NOT HAVE A FAMILY??? OOOOOFFF! That’s fuckin rough. 

All right, so this is the end, but if any of you have opinions on the article or on my own opinions, I’d love to hear them. Thanks to anyone who actually read this whole thing. It was kind of long and pointless, but some of what was mentioned brought out such STRONG EMOTIONS from me, I just had to share.

[devotedwaywardangel1]

The Night Guard

Arthur Pendragon x Male!Reader

Fandom: BBC Merlin

Word count: 1747

Warnings: Near death experience, little bit angsty

A/N: Yeah been working on this one a while, doing every Merlin character x male reader since there are barely any so request/suggestions are welcome.

~~~

Arthur is walking down the hall, Merlin not far behind, ready to head in for the night. He sees you wait for him by the door making him smile. You smile at him and wait patiently for Arthur to be standing in front of you before he began talking. “Good evening sire.” You greet.

“For the last time (Y/n) you can call me Arthur.” Arthur shakes his head.

“Of course Arthur, there is a matter of which I would like to discuss.” 

“Come on in then.” Arthur says as he deflates a bit.

You follow Arthur and Merlin into the room. Cracking your knuckles to relieve some of your nervous tension. Merlin was rushing around sorting Arthur out. “So… what is this matter you wish to discuss, (Y/n).”

“Yes, my sister is wedding her beloved and would like to inquire if I could spend some time with her and the rest of my family during this occasion.” You ask hopefully.

“Of course, give them my congratulations, how long are you thinking?” Arthur conceals his horror of the fact he may not see you for a few days.

“Three weeks.” You smile, excited at the opportunity to see your family for this long.

“Long time for a wedding.” Arthur blurts out.

“Well if you need me to not be…” You knew that for three weeks you were pushing it  mentally kicking yourself.

“No no that’s not the problem, it’ll just be odd since I have seen you everyday for a long time.” Arthur back tracks.

“Four years.” You smile fondly.

“Already?” 

“Yes, quite remarkable isn’t it, anyway I’ll be leaving tomorrow afternoon so I’ll be here tonight and I have found a temporary guard.”

“Okay, goodnight I’ll see you in three weeks.” Arthur nodded.

“Good Night.”

You leave the room to stand guard. While Arthur just stares at the door before Merlin nudges him and smiles knowingly. “Shut up Merlin.”

Merlin laughs putting out the candles as Arthur goes to bed.

True to your word you are gone by the afternoon, Arthur knows because he watches you leave from his window, he can’t deny that you look very appealing in civilian clothing. Enhanced by the fact it was a rare sight, unfortunately for Arthur, you were walking away from the citadel and he already misses you.

~~~

It had been a week since (Y/n) had left and everything seems to have gone into shambles. There had been a rise in assassination attempts, Arthur hasn’t slept or eaten properly and Merlin is so close to passing out in exhaustion its frightening.  Arthur could not walk around the castle with one of the knights escorting him which was frustrating him further. He honestly didn’t know how they could last another two weeks without (Y/n), if anyone had known how much he did around the castle and how important he was to the functioning of the kingdom he would have never been able to leave.

~~~~

You are walking back to Camelot after a horrible feeling washed over you a couple of days after the wedding, you couldn’t get the thought out of your head so here you were walking back a week early. Many horrible thoughts rolled around your head. You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to Arthur, the very idea made you feel sick inside. It would be your fault for leaving for so long despite your better judgement. After years of stopping assassins up to fifteen times a month unnoticed by the higher ups. You walked up a hill in order to glance at Camelot from afar, and to your horror he saw the castle with charcoal smoke raging above it. Then you started to run.

~~~

Well this has been a great two weeks Arthur thought to himself while magically bound on the floor with the knights, Merlin and Guinevere. While they were struggling to escape their bounds the sorcerer sits lazily on the throne with a smug smile on their face. They were droning on about Uther and his genocide of the magical population, Arthur sitting there thinking that its getting harder to convince the council to lift the ban on magic when this happens all the time. (Y/n) would urge for diplomacy at a time like this but Arthur had never been great with words. But he figures it's worth a shot anyway. “What’s your name?”

Well that was definitely a start Arthur thought bitterly. The sorcerer narrows his eyes at him but answers anyway, “Romulus.”

“Okay, Romulus, why do you think it aids your cause by attacking us,” Arthur asks, a little too bluntly for his liking.

This angers Romulus greatly as he continues his rant about all Pendragons being tyrannical rulers.

~~~~

It only takes you half an hour to get to the citadel, but there are enemy soldiers everywhere. Getting into the castle would be the easy part but finding Arthur significantly harder. You cut off your thought process, knowing you had to actually get into the castle first. Raising any alarms could hurt anyone trapped inside. So you sneak round to the servant entrance. 

Once you get into the castle the first you notice is that the people he brought with them are trained fighters and decent mercenaries by the look of it. This is not going to be easy you thought to yourself. Quietly dispatching as many as possible before anybody notices.

You take all of the servant shortcuts to avoid slipping into the great hall unnoticed and you see everyone in chains, you hear the sorcerer rant about freeing the magical people of Albion you roll your eyes. Not because he is wrong, nope you agree wholeheartedly just his methods of course you don’t blame the man though so you decide to interrupt. “Hey man.”

His head snaps to your direction. “Who are you?”

“The weirdo who stands outside the King’s door every night.”

“Oh you're the guard everyone tells me to worry about.”

“Yep.”

“You had the perfect opportunity to kill me?”

“Yeah, but talking to you seems to be a better option.”

“How would you know?”

Shit you didn’t think this through. “Well…”

“He doesn’t, let him leave.” Arthur growls.

You groan internally as a devilish smirk lights up the sorcerer’s face, “oh this is just too good to be true.” He laughs.

You gasp as you were flung into the wall and the sorcerer continued to torment Arthur swirling a sword looking ready to kill him urging you to get up and unsheath your sword to engage with him. Shocking him enough to make him stumble back a little, “Hey never got your name.”

“Why?” He snarls.

“I like to know the name of the person I’m fighting.” You swing at him.

“Romulus.” He blocks.

You both exchange furious blows, but you are the superior swordsman. You slash his arm and disarm him making him hiss and vanish. Smiling you turn to face Arthur seeing his tired smile in return sheathing your sword. “Are you ok-” you breath hitches.

You felt as though you got punched in the back so spin around to see Romulus with a bloodied dagger, you grab his wrist but it's weak so he easily breaks free and plunges the knife into your stomach . He smirks as he pulls it out and you collapse on the ground. The world around you goes fuzzy, screaming muffles, a face appears above you but you can’t make out who it is. The world turns black. 

~~~

Arthur picks up (Y/n)’s body, bridal style, while ordering the other’s to sweep the castle for anyone more intruders and to aid anyone who needs it. “Merlin, Gwaine come with me, we need to get (Y/n) to Gaius.”

They got to Gaius’ chambers with very few hassles and put  (Y/n) on the cot. “Please tell me he’s going to be okay.”

“Sire I’m going to need you to leave the room.” 

“But-”

“Please sire.”

Gwaine pulls him out of the room to leave Gaius and Merlin to do whatever they need to do.

~~~

The first time you open your eyes you are in a dark room and there are angry whispers at the foot of the soft bed you’re resting on. You lose consciousness again.

The second time you wake up you see Arthur sitting next to you asleep. Observing him you notice tears stained cheeks and dark circles around his eyes. He looks worse than he did when you came to save him. You decide against waking him up and close your eyes again drifting off.

The third time you woke up you were alone and felt disgusting, dry throat, gunky eyes, oily hair and sweaty. Thankfully there is a cup of water beside you, so you shakily grab it and take a few sips. It was dawn from what you could tell, you groan as you try to sit up, your back feels like it has been stretched and your stomach stings. Pulling away the shirt you had on you see stitches that don’t look all that appealing, definitely going to leave a scar, you wince as you twist in an attempt to see the one on your back. Then Merlin stumbles in and gawks a moment and you open your mouth to say something but he runs out. You hear shouting and next minute Arthur is in the doorway. He strides over to you but halts suddenly like he doesn’t know what to do. You look up at him and part of yourself say go for it, then he moves eloping you in a gentle hug as if he thinks you’ll break. You couldn’t think of anything to say other than, “I’m okay, Arthur.”

“You nearly weren’t.” He whispers back.

That’s when the gravity of what happened hit you, you nearly died, the idea made your head feel fuzzy and your insides sick. You shake this off to comfort Arthur. “I know but your safe, I’m alive so all's good.”

Arthur breaks away and smiles. “(Y/n) I have a confession to make.”  

You don’t dare hope. “And what would that be.”

“I might quite possibly be a little bit in love with you.” He looks so scared at this moment.

“Good cause I’m head over heels in love with you.” 

Arthur laughs and kisses you gently, smiling into the kiss you lift hand up to caress his cheek. Arthur pulls away and sighs “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[hiimsociallyawkward]

the darkest hour pt 1

the destiny and chicken podcast is finally back so I finally started rewatching merlin season 4. so basically i'm just going to make a list of things that I thought about while watching

'rests on the shoulders of a young man'??? PLS BBC

the opening scene in camelot. i just love it so much. tbh i'm kind of in love with all the "inner working" stuff of working in the castle

ok also, is this the first appearance of merlin and his purple shirt????? i love it

HIM IN THE KITCHEN?? GWAINE AND PERCIVAL?? I LOVE THIS.

BRO. LANCELOT. FRICK THIS. I LOVE LANCELOT BUT ALSO JUST SANTIAGO IN GENERAL. I LOVE HIM. I'M GONNA BE SAD IN THE NEXT EPISODE

literally. merlin and arthur are so domestic. can they please no. bro bro bro i'm crying. AS;FDLKJF;ASLKD THERE'S A GIF THAT I'VE BEEN SEEING ON TUMBLR OF ARTHUR LOOKING BASHFUL ESQUE AND HE THROWS HIS QUILL DOWN AND I LOVE IT WHAT THE HECK PLS STOP I'M CRYING

gwen is absolutely perfect. how is angel coulby so pretty. also, her serving the king after everything she'd done to him. wow

morgana and morgause going to the isle of the bless 💀💀

FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE. I. D E S P I S E. YOU. PLS. DIE. ALREADY

omg the feast back in camelot. when merlin falls and lancelot is the one who runs after him??? and arthur ?? Idek what kind of reaction that's suppose to be. right off the bat it looks annoyed?? but it could also be 'oh i'm the prince, but also i'm worried that's merlin, jeez keep your composure man. come on now, overcompensate so no one knows how you're actually feeling'

again, it's only lancelot and gaius with merlin after he passes out.

merlin wrapped in a blanket like a little burrito is just 🥰 he's talking about the dorocha but still

also they mentioned samhain and i want to talk about but not here. anyways, i'll get back you to guys on this note.

MERLIN WAKING ARTHUR UP. stop that was so homely and i loved it.

when arthur is comforting the girl who came to camelot because her village was raided?? idk if raided is the right word but that's what i'm going with rn

oh haha when the gang rode out to the girl's village and we get jump scared by the chicken?? yes, yes i did get jump scared by the chicken

gwaine and his apples?? yes pls

i just kept on thinking that the dorocha kept reminding me of dementors. idk it's not exactly the same because dementors sort of suck your happiness and merlin couldn't use magic against the dorocha, but still idk i just felt connection vibes

literally angel is so pretty. and then gwen goes to check on the soldier despite SO MUCh danger?? i love her.

omg when gaius goes "no mortal has ever survived their touch" and i'm just thinking. MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN. anyways

alskfjalsjfa;sdlkfa when merlin and arthur are in arthur's chambers and the candle rolls away and they're pals. they're actually PALS. like they have some quips here and there but they're honest to god pals and not even arthur can deny that

'definitely not humorless' 'that's because you're not funny' PLS

when pervical saves those children and elyan saves them?? i love them all

ofc arthur is gonna sacrifice himself. freaking savior's complex. 'i love him though' to pieces.

UGHHH 'MY LADY' 'MY LORD' PLS. I ASDJFALSDJFALSDFJ

omg. i hate uther with everything that i am, but still arthur taking to his father and giving him a forehead kiss before he goes off to die?? and uther saying 'don't leave me" "please"??? come on. i'm crying

SLAK;FJSLAJF. idc if you ship merthur i sure as hell do but still. these moments between arthur and gwen and just *golden*. just this whole scene. i love them so much. i love arthur so much.

god this show. having the gang walk in slow mo?? pls spare me

FRICK MY LIFE. when arthur gave agravaine the seal it reminded me of the deleted scene where arthur gives merlin the seal and i just get MAD again that they cut it out. PLS

merlin's whole speech about dying for arthur. i mean, we all knew it was coming but still. and gaius. gaius sucks but still, merlin is practically his son at this point, and gaius just has to let him go and i'm crying

fricken hell the knights in their capes?? i can't handle that they look so noble omg

AHH GWEN AND LANCELOT. FIRST SANTIAGO LOOKS SO GOOD BUT LANCELOT'S SMILE WHEN HE SAYS HER NAME.

until the line where gwen goes 'will you grant me a favor' i completely forgot about this heart wrenching fic that I read. Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic ?? dude your fic absolutely ripped me to SHREDS and i completely forgot about it until the one line and i PHYSICALLY screamed. good on you you're the best.

anyways. i'm dying at this. when lancelots says he'll protect arthur with his life and that gwen has his promise?? pls.

literally, any scene of just lance and merlin reminds of that fic now. whenever i see lancelot looking at merlin i just think he's pining and i'm crying.

god some of the scene are actually beautiful.

LITERALLY

the knights all working together?? bros being bros

merlin using magic and then doing that little lip quirk half-smile at lancelot is just UGH

aw when merlin insists on getting firewood with arthur and arthur asking if merlin is the right person and merlin saying as if arthur knows what he's talking about when it coming to collecting firewood and the knights LAUGHING?? i love them

just the whole scene of merlin and arthur together

i would parse out individual pieces but tbh just the whole thing

i love it

i love them

the callback line where they think they might've 'gotten on' if things were different?? pls

TOGETHER?? STOP RN

oh god you knew this was coming

merlin throwing himself at the dorocha instead of arthur.

all of them running towards merlin

merlin's FACE

anyways. i'll be back tomorrow to rant more about the darkest hr pt 2 so i'll see you then!

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

5 7 13 17 for the fic asks? 💜

Ily, ty so much for the ask💜

5: Share a snippet that you are proud of from an upcoming fic/chapter. This is from the next part of the immortal leon au. The context is that it's the eve of Samhain again and Leon has been on edge all week and it has been a very eventful night.

“Mithian, you should probably retire for the night,” Leon said tiredly. Mithian raised an eyebrow at him from her position by the bedside chair.

“I thought I had already done that,” she said.

“Mithian you can’t stay here for the night, it isn’t proper,” Leon protested.

Mithian’s eyebrows managed to climb higher. “Leon, we’re courting,” she said dryly.

“Yes, but you’re a princess,” Leon countered.

“A princess you are courting,” Mithian reminded him. Leon turned his pleading gaze to Lancelot for some back up. Mithian too turned to look at him with an amused look on her face and Lancelot held his hands up while shaking his head and not very successfully repressing a smirk. Mithian laughed lightly at the betrayed look on Leon’s face. “Leon, does my being here help?” she asked gently.

Leon sighed and nodded. “Yes, it does.”

“Then I couldn’t care less about what is or isn’t considered proper. I’m staying.”

7: Were there any ideas for [Death and Destiny] that you couldn't make work? What are they? Oh boy. There are several things that I planned in the beginning that I realized as the story developed just could not work. Like Merlin keeping his magic a secret from everyone except Gaius, Lancelot, Leon, and Gwaine until the Disir. I was originally not going to deviate too far from canon after Season four even with me killing off Morgana but I quickly realized that one, that was dumb and I shouldn't hold back on ripping up all of canon, and two it just didn't make sense. The deciding factor there was me forgetting that Isolde saved Arthur's life in 4x13 when I was writing chapter 19 and I thought it would be fine to get rid of the smugglers with no lasting impact. hahahahah. I went through like the 5 stages of grief when i realized I had screwed up and after a lengthy rant/conversation with my irl friend I decided that the best course of action would be to have the magic reveal happen in chapter 20 with Merlin saving one of the knights and not caring that he was outing himself to Arthur because he was tired of letting people he cared about die without trying to save them. I chose to make Percival my Isolde because there's something very fun to me about big strong invincible seeming character going down and not getting back up. So yeah, the original timeline and plot structure I had plotted out was something i could not continue to make work.

13: Do you prefer writing multi-chaptered fics or single-part fics? Do you prefer reading multi-chaptered fics or single-part fics? This is a surprisingly hard question for me. For writing, I don't really think I have a preference, though I do tend to get very big with my fics and the ideas wont stop coming so it's nice to have multiple chapters to get out everything I want to say. For reading it depends on my mood tbh. I tend to read fics by the entire work so it doesn't always make a difference to me if it's all one thing or broken up into chapters

17: What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing? Oh gosh. Ummm, my proudest moment was when my first Merlin fic "5 Times Merlin Helped Leon Through a Nightmare (+ One Time Leon Helped Merlin Through his Own)" was put on a couple of fic recommendation lists and was labeled on one of them as a favorite by the recommender. That was by far my proudest moment but I get little shots of pride every time I see comments and kudos on any of my fics.

[calledstrength-a-blog]

talk about gwaine and his view of justice/injustice plsssss

META ╱ always  accepting.@korrhaphi

justice.

gwaine  has  a  strong  sense  of  justice.  he’s  got  the  hero  instinct  inside  of  him  that  bristles  when  he  sees  people’s  basic  rights  as  human  beings  being  violated  &  he’ll  always  rise  up  to  the  call,  throwing  his  life  in  the  name  of  a  good  cause.  he’s  the  first  to  defend  someone  in  a  bad  situation,  the  first  to  step  in  when  he  sees  someone  being  tormented.  he  could  have  left  arthur  &  merlin  to  their  fates,  going  back  to  his  drink,  but  he  didn’t.  he  very  deliberately  made  a  show  of  swaggering  into  the  confrontation.

but  i  don’t  think  gwaine  could  ever  find  it  in  himself  to  judge  people  based  on  their  beliefs,  circumstances  or  actions  if  they  were  acting  out  of  good  intentions  rather  than  deliberate  maliciousness.  like  gwaine  knows  exactly  the type  of  person  he  is.  he’d  sacrifice  his  morals  in  the  name  of  loyalty.  he’ll  do  anything  for  the  people  he’s  sworn  his  oath  to  because  his  loyalty  is  such  a  thick  &  boiling  thing  that  he’ll  do  terrible  things  all  because  someone  said  he  would.  &  he’s  incredibly  aware  of  that.  i  think  he’s  aware  enough  to  know  that  whatever  side  he  may  find  himself  on,  it  may  not  be  the  right  side.  he  knows  that  people  will  exact  their  justice  against  him  for  the  injustices  he’s  committed.

[rosedavid]

Merther prompt: Arthur ask Merlin who his ideal partner is. Merlin in an effort to hide his growing feelings from Arthur describes someone completely opposite Arthur. Shortly after someone arrives in Camelot hoping to become a Knight in Arthur's roundtable. This person is exactly as Merlin described and has immediately seem to set his cap at Merlin. Merlin doesn't know what to do especially when Arthur starts to act funny and won't explain why. Though everyone else seems to know the answer.

thank you so much for the prompt!! it ended up a little bit different, but I hope you still enjoy it!! :)

If you want to read it on ao3, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23541073

…

Laughter echoes from around the campfire. The sun has long set, but nobody has any intent to fall asleep quite yet. Merlin relishes nights like these; nights free of bandits, evil sorcerers, or something other disaster that Merlin has to solve. Nights like these are few and far between, but when they do come, Merlin appreciates them. He appreciates joking with the knights as if he’s one of them. Around the campfire, after all the chores for the day are finished, he can just relax.

“No way,” Percival shakes his head. “That is not what happened!”

“As if you’d remember! You were as drunk as a skunk! As if you’d remember. Unlike you, I can hold my mead,” Gwaine retorts, puffing out his chest.

“I would never jump on a table and sing!”

“—And it broke, don’t forget the best part!”

Percival smirks, “But if this happened, then why didn’t the tavern workers make me pay my debts for the table?”

“Have you seen yourself?” Gwaine gestures with a wink. “Not only are you a stud, but you’re a big, intimidating stud. Plus, I think Mary has a crush on ya!”

At this, Arthur snorts, “Please, Mary has a crush on everyone. She even complimented Merlin of all people!”

“He’s just jealous because he thought Mary was complimenting him at first,” Merlin pipes up, earning a glare from Arthur as well as hearty laughs from the other knights.

“Ah, crushes are fickle things, my friends,” Gwaine grins, raising a flask he seemed to procure from thin air.

“I can attest to that,” Elyan agrees.

“Oh, do you have someone you fancy, Elyan?” Percival teases, punching his shoulder jokingly.

Elyan rolls his eyes, punching Percival back. “As a boy, I did. I thought she was the love of my life. But we just grew apart. What about you then, Percy?”

A deep blush spreads across Percival’s cheeks, shone only brighter by the light of the campfire. Everyone laughs. Gwaine and Leon push at him from either side, urging him to tell. He raises his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, fine. I might have a certain girl that I like…”

“Who is it, Perce?! Come on, you have to tell us now,” Gwaine begs, tugging his sleeve.

“No way!”

“At least describe her for us, mate!”

Percival gives in at that. “Okay fine! She has dark, thick hair that curls down to her shoulders. A soft smile. Deep brown eyes that you can get lost in. She’s funny, too, and shy.”

“It sounds to me like Percy is in love,” Lancelot grins. Percival blushes, but doesn’t deny it.

“How about the rest of you, then? Who do you like, Lance?”

“No one at the moment,” he says, honestly.

“Me either,” Leon admits. “My only lady is Camelot.”

“And what does Camelot look like, Leon?” Elyan teases.

“I mean, I’m not at all picky. Though I do like a girl who is kind-hearted and loyal.”

“Boo! Boring,” Gwaine sighs. Merlin, who sits between Gwaine and Arthur, suddenly gets squished into Gwaine’s side, Gwaine’s arm wrapped possessively around his shoulder.

“I like serving girls,” Gwaine proclaims boisterously. “Who have dark, beautiful hair and sparkling eyes, and are clumsy—”

“Gwaine!” Merlin groans, attempting to get out of his tight grasp. All the knights are laughing and cat calling.

“Okay, okay,” Gwaine yields, finally letting Merlin go. When Merlin finally has use of his limbs back, his eyes immediately go to Arthur for some reason. Although Arthur is smiling along with everyone else, his posture is tense, and his smile is tight. Before Merlin can think about it anymore, though, Gwaine directs his attention back to Merlin.

“Well? Don’t keep us hanging!” Gwaine says.

Oh. Merlin is expected to take his turn. This is a problem. He risks a quick glance at Arthur again, knowing that the heat forming from his cheeks isn’t due to the fire. The thing is, Merlin does have a crush, an extremely inconvenient crush. He hates how Arthur’s smile sends butterflies swarming through his stomach, how when Arthur touches him his heart rate speeds up. Over time, Merlin has gotten used to it. After all, nothing would ever come of it. Arthur would never fall someone like him, even if Merlin was noble.

Across the campfire, Lancelot sends him an apologetic look. For some reason, Lancelot ended up knowing not one, but both of Merlin’s biggest secrets. Although Merlin appreciates someone to rant to, he also can’t stand the looks of pity that Lancelot sends him. It’s embarrassing, mostly; Merlin feels ridiculous for even having a crush on Arthur in the first place, let alone someone else knowing. Still, Lancelot raves about his crush on Gwen in return, convinced that she’ll never reciprocate his feelings because her and Arthur are in love. Merlin has a feeling that even though Arthur might be in love with Gwen, Gwen doesn’t return his feelings in anything but a platonic manner. She only has eyes for Lancelot these days. Despite the obvious yearning looks between Lancelot and Gwen, Merlin doesn’t mention anything because Lancelot always certainly denies the obvious. Plus, it just makes Merlin feel worse about his situation.

He can’t risk Arthur finding out. This secret is second only to his magic. There’s no doubt that if any of the knights find out, the truth will come out to Arthur eventually, too. Merlin has to steer them off any trail connecting his crush to Arthur.

“Dark hair and eyes,” Merlin says, picturing the opposite of Arthur. “Sensitive, reserved, and always open about their feelings.”

Gwaine slaps him on the back, “You’ll find her someday, Merlin. I can be your wingman!”

Merlin smiles half-heartedly, still thinking of the person he really likes. He looks over toward Arthur again, only to find him standing up, grumbling about getting more firewood. There’s already a pile big enough to last them the rest of the night.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just a spoilsport,” Gwaine groans. “Princess needs to unwind a bit sometimes.”

“That’s the King you’re speaking of,” Leon reminds him, although there’s no bite behind it.

“I know you all agree!”

The bickering between the knights continue. Merlin smiles and laughs when prompted, saying minimal words the rest of the time. Lancelot notices odd mood, but knows better than to confront Merlin at that moment.

It’s only much later that Arthur finally returns, arms full of wood (it’s the completely wrong kind to keep a fire going, but Merlin doesn’t dare mention that). By that point, the knights are finally calming down. After dumping the sticks near the fire, Arthur turns toward his men.

“I’ll take first watch,” Arthur volunteers stiffly. “Leon, you can take second. We’ll head back to Camelot straight away tomorrow morning.”

Arthur seems different than normal, more stoic. He seems uncomfortable, too, especially when Merlin heads over to his side. Merlin worries that Arthur somehow picked up on his bluff. What if Arthur suspects his crush and is disgusted by it? Merlin really hopes that isn’t the case; he can’t risk jeopardizing the odd friendship they’ve built over the years for one stupid little crush.

“Are you sure you want to take watch? I can do it while you get some rest,” Merlin offers hesitantly.

Arthur purses his lips, silent for a moment before finally responding. “No, Merlin. Just go to sleep.”

No joking or mocking, just a simple statement. Merlin screwed things up so bad. He can only hope that tomorrow will be better. As Arthur stalks off to lean against a tree, Lancelot approaches Merlin. He pats Merlin on the back a few times with a comforting smile.

“Are you okay?” Lancelot asks quietly, as not to alert the others.

Merlin nods slightly. “Yeah, ‘course.” He says this not only to reassure Lancelot but also himself. Who cares if Arthur’s acting grumpy about this all? He’s probably just still caught up with his crush on Gwen and in a bad mood from the long day. Merlin’s not worried at all that his secret has been revealed and Arthur hates him. Things are fine.

…

The next morning proceeds like any other. Arthur orders Merlin around like usual, bickering with him and tossing insults back and forth. And Merlin is relieved. Things seem to be normal once more, and Merlin can deal with normal.

“Mer-lin! Could you be any lazier?! At this rate, we won’t get back to Camelot until nightfall,” Arthur proclaims, waiting with arms crossed as Merlin finishes packing the saddlebags.

“So sorry, my pratness,” Merlin grins. Having a pack thrown at his chest in retaliation has never felt better.

On the journey home, Lancelot trots his horse up beside Merlin, urging them to the back of the pack. “You and Arthur seem normal this morning.”

“I guess he was just in a bad mood last night, after all,” Merlin replies.

“You’re okay with things being normal again?”

“Normal is better than Arthur hating me.”

Lancelot pulls a face. “Merlin, I really don’t think Arthur could ever hate you.”

Merlin doesn’t know what to respond with, but luckily, he’s saved by their approach into Camelot. Arthur, having noticed that his manservant isn’t beside him, calls out for Merlin with annoyance. Merlin offers Lance a small smile for his efforts as a good friend before catching up with the King.

The next fortnight goes by with miraculously no complications. Arthur is busy with his duties as King and ordering Merlin around to do his chores. After coming back from the latest hunt, Merlin decided he would not get hung up with his crush on Arthur. It went well, at first. Merlin pushed out any type of thoughts relating to Arthur’s annoyingly brilliant smile, stupid blue eyes, or joyous laugh. He didn’t feel the tingling sensations when Arthur touched his arm or patted his back. Merlin definitely hasn’t been admiring Arthur’s sleeping body in the morning before he wakes, so soft and relaxed, golden hair tousled along the pillow and skin gleaming under the crack of the sunlight from the curtains.

Damn it. Maybe this isn’t going to work as well as Merlin had hoped. In fact, it seems like Merlin just becomes more infatuated as the days go on!

Unbeknownst to him, there was a big change coming in the form of one Oliver Francis.

…

Recently, word of the Knights of the Roundtable has passed throughout the kingdom and beyond. For the last few months, more and more nobles and non-nobles alike have been traveling the distance to Camelot in order to train for a spot as one of Arthur’s prestigious knights. Many had trained and fought, and very few actually succeeded in becoming a full-fledged knight.

If you asked Merlin, he would say he has no clue what the big fuss about being a knight is. Of course, he believes in Camelot and Arthur and understands the attraction to the prospering kingdom. Never will Merlin understand, though, the fun of constantly sacrificing your life and hitting things with glorified sticks. Not to say he doesn’t appreciate the knights, but he can’t understand it. If Merlin had his choice, he wouldn’t have to use his magic in dangerous situations to constantly save Arthur’s backside. Merlin has no choice in the matter, though, destiny this, future of Albion that, but these prospective knights are willingly putting themselves in that spot. Merlin can’t believe it. And, naturally, Arthur disagrees.

“I don’t expect you to understand the extreme honor that comes with being a Knight of Camelot,” Arthur scoffs after Merlin’s tirade of the new bout of knight training today.

“I’m just saying that there are many other ways to serve Camelot than hitting things with sticks,” Merlin replies, handing Arthur his sword with a smirk.

“Like mucking out the stables?”

“Oh yes sire, mucking out the stables is truly one of the highest honors of Camelot. Perhaps you should have your new trainees do that, instead?”

Arthur laughs sharply. “Then who would protect Camelot? You, who can barely walk without stumbling over his own feet?”

Merlin goes to retort fruitlessly, but happens to trip over a chair leg in that very moment. His face reddens while Arthur grins cheekily. If only Arthur knew exactly how much Merlin does for him.

A knock sounds against Arthur’s chamber doors. “Sire, the trainees are about to arrive,” Leon calls from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, better finish up whatever you and Merlin and doing in there, Princess!” Gwaine says, before muttering “ouch”, probably from getting smacked from one of the other knights.

“I’ll meet you down there right away,” Arthur responds, sending a pointed look at Merlin. Arthur’s cheeks are dusted pink, but Merlin thinks nothing of it.

True to Arthur’s word, they make their way down to the training field a few moments later. The sun burns down hot, causing Merlin to start sweating as soon as he steps outside. He wonders how the practiced knights survive with their heavy chainmail in this kind of heat, let alone a bunch of trainees vying for a spot.

The potential newcomers are already lined up and ready to go in sets of chainmail, swords clutched in their grips. There’s only three of them this time, and as Merlin listens to them speak to Arthur, he ascertains that two of them are of noble blood, while the other was born a peasant. Although Merlin is trained in the art of sword fighting like the King, he’s picked up a few things from watching Arthur train his knights all of these years. He knows enough to tell that they all have potential. Borden, a tall, thick noble, is talented at defense, but not so much at offensive moves. The other noble who goes by Gavin is quick and light on his feet, but his strength leaves much to be desired. Lastly, there’s Oliver. His fighting styles are a bit unconventional, but he knows his stuff. He’s smart in his movements, too, as if every one has an exact purpose to them.

During a quick break from the sweltering heat, the trainees huddle under the shade of the tent and grab a cup of water from Merlin. Oliver is last in line, smiling politely up at Merlin.

“I can’t believe I’m in Camelot,” Oliver says with awe, one hand ruffling through his dark hair. “It seems unreal that I have the chance to be an actual knight.”

Merlin only realizes that Oliver is talking to him after looking around and seeing no one else near them. He then replies, “Camelot is great in many ways. I’m sure that you’ll enjoy your time here.”

“What’s your name, then?”

“Merlin,” he answers. “King Arthur’s manservant.”

“Nice to meet you. How is it working for the King?”

Merlin hums. For some reason, he feels like he shouldn’t be afraid to tell Oliver his real thoughts on the King. After all, Oliver isn’t a noble born. “He’s a prat.”

Oliver gapes for a moment before giggling. Merlin soon joins in, happy that he has a new potential friend. Arthur, having heard them from across the training grounds, eyes them suspiciously before stomping over. His blond hair is stuck to his head with sweat, yet he appears as energetic as ever.

“Please feel free to ignore Merlin,” Arthur says. “He’s an idiot.”

“It’s no problem at all, your highness,” Oliver responds. “Merlin’s company is much enjoyable.”

Arthur narrows his eyes as he inspects Oliver and Merlin. “If you’re certain. But I do have use of my manservant, Oliver, so if you’ll excuse me.”

With that, Arthur yanks at Merlin’s wrist, tugging him to the opposite end of the large tent. Merlin mouths an apology to Oliver before letting himself be pulled along.

“What was that about, clotpole?” Merlin asks.

“I can’t have you distracting my potential knights,” Arthur mutters, wiping his face with a towel. “Besides, I need a fresh towel.” He then throws his dirty towel at Merlin’s chest, making Merlin groan with disgust.

Arthur is about to head back to the training field, but before he does, he stops at Merlin’s side. He reaches up and, with a gentleness Merlin not thought possible, brushes the sweat laced hair strands of his eyes. Merlin’s eyes flutter shut for a moment, relishing in the soft touch. Then, as soon as it comes, it’s gone. Arthur brings his hand away, then says, “Get yourself some water, Merlin. I can’t have you fainting like a girl from dehydration.”

…

Things only continue to get stranger from there. As Arthur continues seeing if these potential knights have what it takes, Merlin notices that Arthur has started acting different than usual. Not only has Arthur been more aloof, but he’s also been especially hard on one of the trainees in particular: Oliver. At first, it wasn’t noticeable; the quick glares, the little bit harder he was ragged on after practice, but then it became apparent. Arthur seemed to only have eyes for making Oliver break under him. Of course, Arthur has never been cruel, but his distaste for Oliver is obvious to everyone, including Oliver himself.

About a week after coming to Camelot, Oliver finds Merlin in the castle halls carrying a large load of Arthur’s laundry to be washed.

“It’s good to see you,” Oliver greets, piling pieces of clothing that have fallen back onto the top of the wobbling basket.

Merlin smiles, “You too, Oliver. Is there something you need?” He guides the basket to the ground, needing a break before his back gives out, anyway.

Oliver sighs, “I suppose I was wondering…well, since you’re so close to King Arthur and all…do you think I have done something to offend him?”

“I have no reason to think that you offended him,” Merlin offers. “Nor do any of the others. We all enjoy your company and skills. Arthur can be difficult, sometimes, but I’m sure that he will get to know you better soon, and you two will become closer.”

Relieved, Oliver clasps a hand around Merlin’s shoulder, mirroring the position that Arthur has held with Merlin many times before. Of course, at that moment, Arthur himself comes rounding the corner to head toward his chambers.

“MERLIN!” Arthur shouts, voice echoing through the walls of the castle. Merlin turns to see Arthur standing just a few foot lengths away, glaring at the pair of them.

“You didn’t have to yell, prat, I’m right here,” Merlin complains. Arthur moves closer toward him, and Merlin prepares himself to be berated or get something thrown at him. Instead, he feels Arthur’s arm wrap around the very spot that Oliver’s was seconds ago, squeezing his shoulder tightly.

“Hello, sire,” Oliver says.

“Oliver,” Arthur acknowledges, nose up. “If you would spend more time training and less time fraternizing with my servant, then maybe you’d have a better chance of becoming a knight.”

Merlin feels just as stunned as Oliver appears. Merlin has never heard Arthur speak so brashly before, and to a knight in training nonetheless. Oliver casts his gaze downward respectfully, hands clasped in front of him like a servant. Suddenly, Merlin has a feeling he knows why Arthur dislikes Oliver so much, and he won’t stand for it.

Arthur leads Merlin back the short distance to Arthur’s chambers, not bothering to respond toward Merlin’s complaints about his laundry still being in the hallway. When they finally arrive, doors closing behind them, Merlin pulls himself away from Arthur’s arm, glaring at him.

“Okay, enough is enough. You’ve been a right prat toward Oliver ever since he arrived, and I know why.”

At this, Arthur pales considerably. “Y-you do?”

“Come on, Arthur, you really thought I wouldn’t figure it out?!”

Arthur purses his lips, feet shuffling. “Merlin—”

“How could you?”

“What do you mean how could I? I can’t help it!” Arthur protests, running his hand through his hair.

“That’s just an excuse, and a terrible one at that!”

“Is it really so wrong?”

Merlin gapes at him. “Yes! I-I though you were a better man than this, Arthur.”

“I—” words die in Arthur’s throat. He almost appears distraught, and Merlin has a sudden urge to comfort him. But Arthur needs to understand that what he did to Oliver was wrong.

“I thought we were friends!” Merlin continues to rant, beginning to pace back and forth. “I thought that after you knighted people like Lancelot who weren’t of noble blood, that you would have no bias toward someone from a non-royal background trying to become a knight, but obviously I was wrong! You’ve been treating Oliver terribly, and just because he’s not nobility.”

“What?” Arthur gasps, peeling off into laughter.

“This isn’t funny,” Merlin says as he grows angrier.

Arthur continues laughing, and Merlin can’t take it anymore. He turns to stomp out of the room. Before he can leave, though, a hand takes his wrist. Arthur’s laughter finally dies down as he wipes at his eyes.

“You’re so dense, Merlin.”

“Me, dense?!”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Yes, you. I couldn’t care less about Oliver or anybody else’s background. They all deserve an equal chance to become knights.”

Merlin eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. “B-but, then why are you being so rude toward him?”

“God, Merlin, it’s because he’s your dream guy!”

Now, Merlin’s even more confused. “My dream guy?!”

“Yes,” Arthur nods seriously. “That knight in the forest a few weeks back, when we were all talking about our…ahem, crushes, and the type of person that you said you are into is Oliver to a tee.”

Arthur remembers that. Arthur remembers his description. Arthur is talking to him about crushes. Could this day get any worse?

“What does that have to do with any of this?” Merlin wonders, still not getting it.

Arthur groans in frustration, tugging on his hair so hard that Merlin worries he’ll yank it out. He then takes a few deep breaths to calm him down. “None of you ever asked me who my ideal date would be.”

“Wait a minute…” Merlin trails off, “Do you have a crush on Oliver?!”

“What, no!” Arthur groans again. “No, you daft idiot! I have a crush on you!”

Silence falls over the room. Merlin stares at Arthur, as if he’ll wake up from this dream any second. He stammers for words, but nothing comes out of his mouth. Over and over he replays Arthur’s words in his mind. I have a crush on you. I have a crush on you.

Arthur likes me.

“Y-you…you like me?” Merlin gasps. “How can you like me?”

“I wish I knew,” Arthur mutters, “But somehow you’ve managed to get under my skin like no one else. I…I was, a bit unfair—”

“—terribly rude—”

“—Okay, fine, I was rude to Oliver! But I couldn’t help it, Merlin. Every time I saw you two together, laughing and smiling and touching, it made a fire rage in my stomach. I couldn’t stand him looking at you like that.”

“Arthur…” Merlin says, stepping closer to him.

Arthur clears his throat, stepping backward. “But it’s nothing, it’s fine. I mean, I know you must have a crush on Oliver, as he’s exactly the person you described.”

“Now you’re the one being an idiot,” Merlin smiles, stepping toward him once more. This time, Arthur makes no move away. “I’ve been ridiculously in love with you for the longest time, Arthur.”

Arthur’s mouth drops. “But Oliver…”

Merlin blushes profusely. “Well, actually, he’s not really my type. I may have lied a bit at the campfire to conceal my true feelings. The type of person I want to date is actually much different.”

Arthur takes a step closer. “Oh?”

“The type of person I like is kind of a big prat,” Merlin continues. “A big prat with a heart of gold. Who’s brave, caring, and fights for justice. A person who infuriates me daily with his snide remarks but surprises me with his kindness.”

They’re so close now that Merlin can feel Arthurs breath mingling with his own. Merlin’s heart is beating out of his chest, waiting for Arthur to say something, anything. Finally, Arthur is opening his mouth to speak….

“Is it Gwaine?”

Merlin groans in frustration. “You have got to be—”

“I’m joking,” Arthur promises, reaching forward you cup his cheek. “Dollophead.”

“That’s my w—mmph!” Merlin starts, only to be cut off by the sweet press of Arthur’s chapped lips against his own. It tastes like sweat and is filled with desperation. Merlin clumsily fists his hands in Arthur’s shirt, bringing him as close as possible. He’s wanted this for so long that it doesn’t quite feel real.

They only pull apart when they absolutely have to, both panting for air. Even then, Merlin doesn’t let go of Arthur’s shirt. Meanwhile, Arthur’s hand traces it’s way down the side of Merlin’s face, a gentle caress. They drop their foreheads together, unable to hide their matching smiles.

“You’ll be nicer to Oliver now?” Merlin whispers.

Arthur chuckles as he strokes Merlin’s cheek. “I suppose. I do have him to thank for getting us to come to our senses, after all.”

“You mean for you to come to your senses.”

“Do you want to be sent to the stocks?”

“Mmh, you wouldn’t. You’d miss me to much,” Merlin hums, leaning to press a chaste kiss against Arthur’s lips.

Arthur hauls him back in.

“In your dreams.”

[wheredostarsgowhenyoudie]

You'd never know what day your life would change. It could be today or tomorrow. It could be a day when the sun reigns in the sky or a day when stormy clouds rule. It could be a day you're happy or a day you're down. No one could tell. But when it happens, you'll know it, because suddenly everything is different and nothing will ever be the same again.

The day it happened, Merlin still wasn't convinced that Arthur wasn't lying when he told him he acknowledges that he has magic and that it doesn't change the fact that he's still an idiot.

The warlock wanted to believe him. He really does. But when one had been living in the shadows of lies, deceit and fear for as long as he had, it couldn't be harder to step into the light and accept that it was real.

Merlin hated that he couldn't be fully at ease with Arthur and the knights. He hated seeing the hurt in the prince's eyes every time he would wince when the royal would draw a sword or prepare to give an order. Merlin also noticed that the knights had been taking turns, keeping him company on his chores and going out of their way to ask him questions to learn more about his magic.

Merlin wasn't oblivious to their intentions. He knew that his friends were doing it to show him that it's alright to be himself around them. But as much as he appreciates their effort, try as he might, he still just couldn't erase the nagging fear at the back of his mind that Arthur would change his mind and decide that burning at the stake is where he belongs and that the knights would agree with him.

The worst part was that even if they do, Merlin would only understand their choice. They had been breaking the law by lying to Uther just to save his head. While Gwaine had no qualms deceiving the king, he knew the rest of the knights had their apprehensions. And Arthur, well it was him that Merlin feels most sorry to. What kind of friend does it make him if Arthur had to lie to his own father to protect him?

There's no question that Merlin couldn't have picked better friends. But what does that make him? For someone who has his secret out in the open, Merlin still doesn't feel free. Sometimes, he even finds himself believing that maybe he will never be.

It might just be so that for all the trials and tribulations magic had brought into his life, in the end, it will still be the one constant he can rely on.

Merlin barely managed to catch his breath on his way to Gaius' chambers when Gwen came running to him.

"Gwen?" he asks, instantly worried for the first friend he made in Camelot. "What's going on?"

"It's Arthur, Merlin!" Gwen answered. "Uther sent him and the knights to search what's causing the villagers' fright in the Forest of Merendra. Arthur sent me to inform you to take the shortcut and bring food and extra towels."

Merlin frowned. "When was this?"

"Just right after you left. They wanted to wait for you but Uther was insistent, and they couldn't tarry, else, Uther would be suspicious."

"I know that," said Merlin, knowing she was trying to assure him that they didn't leave him by choice. "I'll catch up with them. It should be no problem."

"Good," Gwen smiled before taking off the satchel strapped on her shoulder and handing it to him. "I prepared everything you might need. Now all you have to do is get a horse and leave." Then, taking the basket from him, she added, "As for the herbs, let me deliver them to Gaius. I'm sure he won't mind."

Merlin beamed, amused at her preparedness. "Thanks Gwen. I owe you," he expressed, clutching the supplies to his chest and running past her and into the stables. "And please tell Gaius I've gone after the prat!"

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Arthur couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the body lying still in the middle of the forest. He took a quick scan around the area just to see if they were being watched. It was a pity he got separated from the knights.

His own experiences with magical creatures had taught him to be wary, but he couldn't for the life of him, abandon the knight's code and turn away from a potential damsel in distress. And somehow, even if he wasn't willing to believe it at first, knowing that his idiot of a best friend has magic and could find him wherever he was, was a reassurance of its own kind. Not that he'll ever admit it to Merlin. The idiot would never let him hear the end of it if he does.

But just in case, he unsheathed Excalibur and prepared for an attack.

Carefully, he turned her so he could see her face.

"A princess?" he gasps, eyes instantly drawn on the silver tiara on her head. He had never seen anything like the pale blue dress she was wearing.

Arthur quickly reached a finger under her nose to see if she's still breathing. He couldn't help but worry what her presence here would mean if his assumptions were right.

To his relief, he had barely lifted her when she began to stir. He watched as chocolate brown eyes slowly blinked into awareness.

Gently, he helped her to sit up, making sure to support her back to keep her steady. The feel of his gloved hand on her back must have done the trick and she shrieked, jumping in fright of him. He would have laughed if she didn't look so scared.

"Oh, dear Merlin!" she exclaimed.

Arthur frowned. "You know my manservant?"

"Ahm," she started to say, and he easily caught onto her confusion.

"Forgive me, please," Arthur quickly apologized, making sure to step away to assure her that he meant her no harm. "My name is Arthur. I mean no threat to you, my lady, but I found you unconscious in the middle of Forest of Merendra. Tell me, where are you from? Do you remember how you got here?"

"Forest of-" she trailed, and he waited patiently as she finally seemed to absorb her surroundings. Her eyes widened in shock and she gasped, raising a hand to her forehead. "Oh, Hermione, what have you done now?"

"Hermione?" Arthur's face brightened. "Is that what they call you? What kingdom are you from?"

"I-…" she bit her lip in thought. "I'm sorry. Who did you say you are again?"

"Arthur. Arthur Pendragon, at your service," he reintroduced, waiting for recognition to dawn on her.

He didn't expect amused laughter to be her reaction. "Seriously, where are we? Is this some kind of a theme party? Are you in cosplay? Is that it? Well, I certainly can't remember drinking enough for this," she rambled. "Wait, I must be dreaming! That's it, isn't it? I'm dreaming, or I must be under a spell…A pensieve? But I don't remember…"

The prince listened to her patiently, mentally taking note of the words in her rant that he finds unfamiliar. Eventually, she stopped on her own and turned to him.

"Let's try that again, shall we?" she suggested. "Where are we?"

Arthur sighed but had no choice but to acquiesce. She still hasn't confirmed who she is and what she's doing dressed so thinly in this cold, or why she doesn't seem too worried at the thought that she might be under a spell. "We're in the Forest of Merendra in the Kingdom of Essetir. We're miles away from Camelot."

At this, her eyes widened and she pulled away from him. "Camelot?" Then, sounding fearful now, she asked. "And you're telling me you're King Arthur? As in THE King Arthur? Are you messing with me?"

"Well, no, it is my father, Uther, that is king. I'm only a prince. But I don't understand why you find this so hard to believe. Surely, you've heard of Camelot?"

She didn't get to answer though as the roars of the linen wrapped beasts finally caught up to him. Quickly, he helped her get to her feet and readied to defend.

"Well if you're Arthur, then what are they?" she asks, mystified. He couldn't help but wonder if she'd hit her head real hard that she still thinks she's dreaming.

But the pondering would have to wait as the creatures began to surround them.

'Anytime now would be great, Merlin.' He thought before he answered her.

"They're soulless animals' corpses being controlled by a sorceress."

"So they're dead? Like mummies?"

"You need to get behind me," he instructed, eyes at the beasts, only to startle when she stepped right beside him instead.

"How do we fight them?"

Arthur's first instinct was to tell her off for foolish bravery but one look at the advancing beasts told him there was no time for that. She at least needs to know what they're up against. "Fire, we need to burn them. But normal fire isn't enough. We need to-"

"It isn't working!" she was screaming before he could even register that she was holding a stick and one of the walking dead beasts was suddenly set ablaze.

"How did you?" he asked, before realization dawned on him and he turned to her in disbelief. "You're a sorceress!" he accused just as a lion jumped at him and he dodged, seeing her do the same in the corner of his eyes.

"What?" The girl, Hermione, scoffed, looking very much offended. "Flipendo!" she screamed before a light shot out of her stick and hit a tiger in the chest. "No, I'm a witch! Now, quickly tell me how to defeat them! Normal fire isn't working."

Arthur fought a headache from coming. Fate must be punishing him for treating his manservant so cruelly. As if dealing with one Merlin isn't enough…

"They're creatures of magic. The fire must be enchanted to destroy them."

"Of course," she breathed, eyes widening as though she'd just made a wonderful realization. Arthur barely moved his foot before he heard her say, "Stay back and don't move," and then, "FIENDFYRE!"

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Merlin had barely stepped into the forest when he felt it - magic both light and dark and so intensely heavy that he won't be surprised if he could touch it just by reaching out his hand.

He hurried his horse to the source of the screams and light, but nothing could have prepared him to what he saw.

A girl dressed like royalty was standing before a disgruntled Arthur, her arm outstretched and preventing the prince from taking any step farther as they stared down the army of mummified beasts advancing towards them.

His heart all but leaped out of his chest at the sight of the phoenix erupting from her wooden stick.

"ARTHUR!" he yelled.

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The frightened voice sounded very much like his manservant, but the prince couldn't keep his eyes away if he tried, gaping as the fire bird flew to devour the whole beastial army, leaving nothing but ashes on its wake.

He only breathed, alert and mortified when the phoenix started to turn on him. Before he knew it, Merlin had thrown his own weight to push them both out of harm's way and onto the ground, a move they soon found unnecessary when the fire bird released an ear piercing screech before drawing back and disappearing into thin air, leaving their eyes to settle on the lone girl standing in the middle of the devastation.

Legs apart, back straight, eyes ablaze and unrelenting, and with her hair crackling of magic - she looks like the perfect embodiment of an avenging female angel if they'd ever seen one.

No one said a word until she broke the silence.

"Is that enough?" she asked, eying them expectantly. "Are we safe now?"

"Huh," was the prince's unintelligible response, the only one he could manage after seeing what he saw. But he saw her brow lift higher and knew she was awaiting his answer.

"Yes," Arthur finally agreed, "I suppose that will do it." Then turning to the astounded warlock lying on his back beside him, he says, "Merlin, I think she just beat you in the most glamorous display of magic."

"You're-" she started to say, but the use of magic must have drained her and she began to sway.

Arthur hurried to help but Merlin signalled he let him instead, still feeling the lingering trace of unfamiliar magic in the air. It felt like his own and yet so different.

"SIRE!"

"Merlin!"

The voices came from the knights who arrived just in time to see Merlin carry the now unconscious girl in his arms.

"Who is she?" he found himself asking.

"I don't know," Arthur said, sounding as puzzled as he looked, staring at the sleeping damsel. "She seemed lost. She didn't even know who I am and yet, she protected me." Looking at his manservant, he asks, "Is she alright?"

Merlin nodded.

"Merlin, you alright mate?" Gwaine asked, seeing him look so perplexed.

This time, Merlin didn't nod, unsure of it himself.

He just witnessed magic unlike anything he'd ever seen.

But then she stirred on his arms, the tip of her stick accidentally touching his arm and Merlin's breath was caught at the feel of her magic humming and causing his skin to tingle with warmth.

"I think I need to speak with Kilgharrah."

A/N: Chapter 7 up! Read it here at...

[thepandragons]

Rant: Merlin's Lamia

This episode doesnt have much Merthur but it may have evidence of Merlin having a same sex attraction and also assists in giving more depth to the Merthur dynamic.

This episode starts with one of Gwen's old friends arriving in Camelot seeking help for a strange sickness plaguing their village. Gaius can't leave Camelot as he's busy with domestic sicknesses so he requests that they send Merlin. Not only does Arthur doubt Merlin's capabilities so does Merlin. Again, the audience sees Merlin's desire to be seen as the talented and powerful person he is and Arthur's desire to view him as a simpleton. Arthur asks if Merlin can handle the responsibility like...bitch you drag him along on all your suicide missions stop asking dumb questions. 

In all honesty, I believe that Arthur, although he appreciates Merlin still underestimates him. And by that I mean Arthur underestimates him both explicitly and internally. Arthur likes to think that Merlin is dependent on him for protection. In addition, Arthur doesn’t want to feel like he is useless. To learn that Merlin has been protecting him the whole time would be devastating. So much of Arthur’s character is honor. Arthur wants to take care of his kingdom and to think that a lot of his victories were only a result of magic would rob him of his inner purpose and motivator. Of course, we know that without Merlin, Arthur is still a great asset, but Arthur knowing of Merlin’s magic would cause him to rethink everything he thought was true.

Nevertheless, someone needs to believe in Merlin...so thank you papa Gaius.  Back to our regularly scheduled rant. 

Merlin arrives in the village and but his magic cant heal them and neither can his treatments, he suspects magic. Merlin decides they need to go running back to papa Gaius. But on the way back to Camelot they find bandits with a girl locked up and the bois save her in an iconic montage. The girl "Lamia" oddly seems fearful of Merlin who shows her nothing but kindness. Even weirder, Percival shoves him and basically tells him to f off. Its really sus that they're all bullying Merlin and telling him he's worth nothing, trying to fight eachother and changing their route when people's lives are at stake. 

There are alot of questions like: a. why does Lamia feel so threatened by Merlin...what does he have the others dont...(magic) and why are Gwen and Merlin the only ones not enchanted...what do they have in common...maybe being attracted to men (and I oop-). That explains why he wouldn't be enchanted but not necessarily why he would be viewed as a threat. But if it was just his magic wouldn't she enchant him to get him out of the way as a threat?

Although now in hindsight I'm confused that Gwaine and Percival got enchanted like the authors didn't know they would make then gay asf later but maybe they’re bi idk we don't assume here. 

Also given Merlin’s experiences with Freya and checking out Morgana who knows what his sexuality is. Bi-erasure and erasure of any sexuality is not cool. Maybe it’s because Merlin’s heart is with Arthur at this point :’).  Or maybe it’s simply a plot hole. But again just a few theories to think about.

Gwen then questions why the Lamia hasn't affected them...and he says the victims were all men and knights which the latter is a lie. At this point, I feel like Merlin doesn't even really know the answer himself and he's not even trying to hide that he's the same sex attracted & magic. Then Gwen's not buying it and she's like "there's something about you", is she suggesting the fact that the Lamia is treating him like he is the enemy or that he's not traditionally masculine...given the fact that everyone likes to believe that Merlin is a regular old guy Gwen probably doesn't suspect him of magic, I think she suspects he's gay. But conveniently they hear a yell and Merlin gets to avoid any further conversation. Leaving us to theorize about why the Lamia didn’t target him. 

[servingliesarch]

THIS IS A FUCK CANON ANNOUNCEMENT !! so, i’ve been here for over three and a half years, and it’s clear enough that i’ve been as good as canon divergent for a very long time. but my main verse  ——  which was also the basis for all of my verses, since it concerns merlin’s original lifetime in camelot, was canon. that’s the bit i will be changing, so while i am not giving up canon entirely as it is my source material, my main verse’s official primary setting will be divergent from the show.

to explain my reasons further, let me just link you to a couple of my rant-y meta posts, in which i believe i thoroughly explained my view on a lot of the poor writing and BS.  POST #1  /  POST #2  /  POST #3  /  POST #4.

CANON DIVERGENCE will pick up roughly after the end of season four, which means up until the end of it, everything remains the same. i think it’s the right time for it, since had the character development not been ignored, it would have happened. here is the list of differences from the original post-s4 canon:

shortly after arthur and gwen’s marriage and her being crowned queen of camelot, as they need energy and resources to rebuild the kingdom after the war, arthur promptly sacks merlin from his job as his personal servant. there is no grievance, as shortly after his promotion is announced, that much to the role he was already fulfilling and a role his legendary counterpart had, he’s officially appointed the royal advisor and the king’s right hand.

what does that mean? first and foremost, it’s a drastic change of status. he’s given a noble title, a high position at the royal court. it means he’s always present in the royal councils, however this time actually sitting by the table and actively participating. it means all the things he’s done already are acknowledged, and his role as a now pretty much trained physician is also acknowledged.

merlin is very far from being alienated from all of his friends as it happened in canon. in fact, it’s quite the opposite not only because the shit he had done was acknowledged, but also because they never would have let him drift so far away as it happened in canon.

it means that it takes very few months before his magic is no longer a secret. it’s not some big badass reveal, it’s merlin just blurting it out late at night because he can’t keep doing it anymore. what happpened in the finale still happens, but it’s dragged out a little longer so there is a chance for everyone to deal the right away. secrets are uncovered, and eventually, perhaps for the first time since merlin came to camelot, everyone’s on the same page.

it’s majorly the most important event, because from then on a lot of changes occur. it’s not only about merlin not having to deal with everything on his own, although it takes time for him to get rid of keeping so many secrets. it’s also a beginning of the road to changing the laws concerning magic, and handle the political climate the right way. that is where the real change begins, and the grounds to change the effects of uther’s horrid doing are laid down over time.

at some point after the reveal merlin’s mother travels to camelot, and merlin’s true heritage is revealed. much as his legendary counterpart, he learns to be descended from a royal line, as merlin’s mother is a princess in exile (gaius being a royal in exile too, as he is merlin’s uncle). knowing his father to have been a dragonlord, as he is now, he also learns he too was of a noble title before the great purge. it’s a lot to take in, but eventually doesn’t change much, since merlin was still raised as a peasant and titles don’t say anything about the person ; and he got his own title after hard work.

there aren’t as many differences from season five, actually. i mean, there obviously are many, but what bad things were meant to happen, do in fact happen. morgana still returns, though there are attempts to draw her back as they’re now openly working against the ban on magic. mordred still appears, and despite that war begins brewing anyway.

this time, however, merlin sits at the official round table and much like with the original one, he sits by arthur’s right hand instead of being stuck in the back as a servant. they work together as equals as it was always meant to be, had the character development (especially concerning arthur) not been ignored.

and you know what’s not a lazy writing? when despite things being better, everything goes to hell anyway. they never finish what they were meant to do together. camlann still happens, arthur still dies as he was destined to die.

this time when merlin needs to leave to crystal cave, arthur doesn’t say the bullshit ‘i always thought you were the bravest man i’ve ever met. guess i was wrong.’ no, they hug, they say see you later. merlin doesn’t dress up as dragoon when he shows up for battle and wins it. it’s just him, on a cliff.

arthur gets stabbed anyway. they still complete the journey they have, everything ends the same way it did, and it hurts more, because they started things already, they began something unlike it was in canon, and it ended anyway.

AFTER CAMLANN.

things go a little differently after king arthur dies. merlin still doesn’t return to camelot right away. not only because he just can’t, because he needs time to heal, but also because he can’t face others (he failed). after sending arthur and excalibur away, percival eventually catches up. upon finding out the news about gwaine, he hands him arthur’s rings, tells him to tell gwen he’s sorry, and leaves for ealdor to be with his mother.

eventually he returns though. despite everything, he and gwen grow even closer, and begin working to fully repeal the ban on magic. arthur never gets to appoint merlin court sorcerer, but gwen does. at some point gaius also passes away, as do many of their remaining friends.

merlin doesn’t permanently stay in camelot anymore. not only because he’s restless, but also because he begins to deal with the dawning reality of his immortality. he does travel a lot, visiting neighbourhood countries on behalf of queen guinevere, he leads peace talks with the druids, and helps people when he can.  it’s actually that period of time that strongly urges the creation of his legendary self, as often times he poses himself as an old man.

he does visit queen annis as no longer a fool, for example, and is granted special honours by her, as well as mithian with whom he spends some significant time. they are even together for a bit, but due to reality of dawning immortality and lack of aging, it doesn’t go further.

at some point after his mother passes away, he eventually makes a magical hut right by the crystal cave to guard it, and settles in it. that’s when a lot of people would come looking for him, and it’s eventually a place he enchants and puts magic guards on for centuries not just to keep the birthplace of magic safe, but also to keep all of his things collected over the years of his immortality.

gwen is the last of his friends that remains alive, and he stays in albion for as long as she lives. it’s a plague that eventually pretty much purges camelot. he’s called and present at gwen’s deathbed, saying goodbye to the last of his family and the only remaining person of his original lifetime. she gives him arthur’s rings then, and as she passes away, it marks the time when shortly after merlin leaves albion.

he enchants his hut along with the crystal cave so no one can find it, and there officially begin his travels as an immortal. he doesn’t return for many years, but when he does camelot and albion are no longer in existence. some relics are, however, and he manages to steal the royal crowns and keep them safe for next centuries to come.

[fxndom-hoe]

Ok I’m about to go on another late night/early morning (cuz it’s 6am and I still haven’t slept) Merlin rant because this thought has been in my head for about an hour.

I’m super tired of reading magic reveal fics where when Arthur banishes Merlin, everyone starts acting poorly towards Arthur. Like gwaine will either straight up leave with Merlin or start acting petty towards Arthur and all the knights will try to avoid Arthur as much as possible and Gwen and gaius will start acting cold towards him all until arthur decided to unbanish merlin and then they all act like his friend again. And I just... need that to stop. And not only bc it’s super ooc for most of them, but also, think about how damaging this would be to Arthur’s mental health.

Like Arthur’s already insecure and lonely, yknow, his father raised him to be king and in uthers mind that means having no friends and that his worth comes from being royal and not really anything else. Like Arthur wasn’t raised to live himself, he was raised to rule a kingdom and that the kingdom matters more than him. And uthers been shown on multiple occasions to not really care about Arthur’s safety when it comes to making Camelot greater or like only cares about his safety bc he’s the only heir to the throne and yknow Arthur can’t die cuz then camelot wouldn’t have a king after uther dies. And so Arthur’s never really felt any self worth. He’s never had friends before merlin and nobody seemed to really care about Arthur the person instead of Arthur the prince until merlin came along. And through Merlin, Arthur finally gains some friends (or for the sake of this post, people he considers friends)

So how must it feel for Arthur, who’s already insecure and lonely, to start having his only friends STOP being his friends after he just had to get rid of his best friend. (And I don’t want anyone to come @ me saying he doesn’t have to banish Merlin and blah blah blah bc I know that! This post is about if he does bc the law is to execute anyone who uses magic and yknow Arthur’s been betrayed by the people he’s cared about with magic so it wouldn’t be easy for to accept Merlin immediately yknow like it would take some time.) Imagine how betrayed arthur would feel. Bc these people are supposed to be his friends too just proving what his fathers always taught him. Kings don’t have friends. Kings can’t trust ANYONE. These were people that he cared about who just showed him that the only reason he has for people to care about him is apparently Merlin.

And yes he can unbanish Merlin to make everything better. And everyone will start treating him better and treating him like a friend and all that, but then he would always know. He would know, not even just think, but KNOW that all his “friends” would just leave him if he ever tried to get rid of Merlin, that his own fucking wife would give him the cold shoulder if he were to banish Merlin, and GOD how devastating for him. To have the evidence shoved in his face that he’s only worth keeping around if he had his manservant with him. That no one actually cares about him, even if they claim to. Imagine being forced to live like that. Cuz we know that Arthur wouldn’t be able to let that go. He would never mention it to anyone, not even Merlin. He would just suffer all alone.

And it would bring a whole new meaning to his “you’re my only friend” quote bc instead of it being like a light feeling of “oh I just kinda feel like the rest of them aren’t as close a friend to me as you are, you know everything about me” to “you’re the only person in my life who would stuck by me no matter what. You stuck by me when I banished your friend (Gwen) and nobody has ever done the same. Nobody else WILL ever do the same.” And that’s even more heartbreaking. But like also! What if he starts feeling resentment towards Merlin. Cuz he has magic and has kept a secret for as king as they’d known each other. Arthur would’ve brought Merlin back before he was actually ready to forgive him bc he was losing everyone dearest to him, so he wouldn’t have time to really accept his magic. But also, now arthur knows that everyone he cares about cares more about Merlin than they do about him. Bc of Merlin, Arthur’s second best and that would clearly never change. Arthur would feel lonelier than ever bc there’s no way he could mention it to Merlin, and he can’t mention it to his fucking wife and he can’t even talk to his friends because THEYRE ALL THE PROBLEM! No one would understand. If he were to tell any of his friends that he feels worthless to them compared to merlin they would be like fucking ✨obviously✨ like they wouldn’t ACTUALLY say it but their actions have proven that that’s how they feel.

(TW FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION IN THIS NEXT PART!! I WILL MARK WHEN IT IS OVER)

Like maybe I’m self projecting bc it’s how I would feel if I were Arthur but I can imagine him becoming suicidal over this. Like he would just feel so worthless after this. Like this is worse than his father prepared him for. Like he can’t even trust his own queen! And he still feels betrayed by Merlin bc he didn’t have enough time to process what happened and forgive him. He was forced to bring Merlin back to stop everyone from treating him so horribly. And the only reason he wouldn’t actually kill himself would be bc Camelot needs a king. He doesn’t have an heir yet, so he couldn’t really leave camelot like that. AND HE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO TALK OUT THESE FEELINGS WITH ANYKNE BC EVERYONE BETRAYED HIM!!!

(TW OVER!!!!!!)

And also! Imagine the trust issues he must have now. Like he’d already had trust issues bc of morgana and agrivaine but now it’s like 10x worse. Like at first he used to think that he could trust very few people, but now he would feel like he couldn’t trust ANYONE, not even Merlin. Not anymore. Like it’s over. He really can’t trust anyone in his life anymore. They’ve all betrayed him. And not as an over exaggerating “hmf I can’t trust people, people are mean” way but like they’ve all actually betrayed him. Merlin has magic, his knights were just about ready to leave camelot bc of his decision, his wife withdrew from him. Like, he’d have no one.

And don’t tell me that the others, at least merlin and Gwen, wouldn’t notice Arthur’s while change in mood. Except now, he would never even CONSIDER opening up to them about how he’s feeling bc HOW CAN HE?? He’d revert back to S1 Arthur but quieter. Like any character development he’d have had at that point, down the drain (but the writers didn’t really need a magic reveal to do this oop—👀🤭)(and yes I needed that joke I’m crying while writing this leave me alone)

But seriously, Arthur would feel like he had no one. And even if he could eventually find it in himself to forgive Merlin having magic/lying about it (bc we know he will) he could NEVER trust the rest of them again. They’ve all proven to him that they DONT CARE ABOUT HIM. They don’t.

And yknow I wanted to get into this earlier BUT!!! It’s all very ooc for them to do that. Even gwaine. Like they all kept quiet when he banished Gwen, and she was going to be queen! And I don’t want to hear anyone say it’s bc Gwen wasn’t as important as Merlin bc a) fuck you and b) shut up yes she is and c))) she was GOING TO BE QUEEN!! OBVIOUSLY SHES MORE IMPORTANT THAN MERLIN (for Camelot and Arthur at least). Merlin is being promoted to anything, Gwen is clearly the more important one in this subject of banishing ppl alr??? And let’s say alr! For the sake of argument Merlin is more important than Gwen in camelot. Elyan was her brother! Do you think he would sit silently back while Gwen got banished but give Arthur the cold shoulder when Merlin gets banished?? No! So fuck off! This behavior is ooc for all of them.

Anyway!!

TL;DR stop writing magic reveal fics where everyone turns against Arthur for banishing Merlin. It’s damaging to his mental health and MY mental health. Goodnight.

[confinedmadness]

Merlin (TV Series)

Finished watching Merlin at 2am this morning and spent another hour just rewatching parts of the last episode again and again. It has been a very good and fun week. I will miss Merlin so much. I can only imagine how the people who actually watched the series as it aired feel. The fandom is still very much alive until now and I believe it just goes to show how deeply this series stayed with everyone and how it will with me.

SPOILERS BELOW

Merlin and Lancelot

It is my personal belief that had Lancelot lived longer, he really would have been Merlin’s best friend (and maybe he already was). Lancelot is too kind, it actually hurts. And Merlin is the only person who knows it completely. Likewise, Lancelot was the only one Merlin could truly be himself with (well, apart from Gaius, Freya, and Kilgharrah… but they were his guardian, lover, and mentor; I just really wanted him to have a friend who was just… a friend. A good friend). That scene (in season 4?) when Merlin cleaned Arthur’s shirt with magic on Lancelot’s suggestion was so short, but so so precious.

Merlin and Freya

I have seen that some people do not like Freya. But I liked her, and I liked the two of them together. Merlin was so happy when he was with her. And though he was the one taking care of Freya for most of the time they were together, Freya had a gentleness about her that put Merlin at ease. She loved him to the point that she planned to escape alone so Merlin would not have to leave the life he had in Camelot (which he had been wiling to give up!! and that was probably the strongest indication of his feelings). I only wish their time together had been a little longer or the development of their relationship given even just a little more time. I am so conflicted because I like to believe Merlin never loved anyone the same way again, but I am also sad for him and want him more than anyone to find new love. </3 When he hesitated for a bit before setting Freya’s dead body on fire was surprisingly the most painful moment of that episode. (Colin Morgan is an acting genius, I swear).

Merlin and Arthur

I enjoyed the dynamic between the two of them. I really love how Arthur gradually listened more and more to Merlin as time went on. When Merlin was imprisoned in season 5, I was so happy when Arthur said there was no way Merlin could have done it. And even though he masked it as Merlin being not smart enough to do anything, we all know he actually does trust Merlin not to betray him regardless of whether he had the ability to do so or not.

I’ve always believed that Merlin was Arthur’s best friend. But that unless Arthur knew of and accepted Merlin’s magic, Merlin would never really be truly comfortable around him. Which is why, I replayed the last episode so many times. Because it is in those short few days that both of them are finally their true selves around each other and it was beautiful. Arthur’s face when Gaius told him Merlin is the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth was priceless. More than that, I loved that Arthur was smart enough to realize how Merlin has been protecting him all this time, and yet I also like how even then he still has no idea of the true extent of what Merlin has done for him. Because I guess it just shows that all Merlin really wanted was for Arthur to know of his magic, but not necessarily of anything and everything he does for him. It is so selfless, I can’t even.

Dragoon the Great

He was everything. My gosh, he was absolutely precious. I loved it every time he appeared and he never fails to make me laugh. Oh, if Lancelot was alive he would have loved him too, I just know it. Favorite scene? I want to say everything! Favorite quote? Too difficult to choose!!! But for some reason, what really stuck with me more so than others was: “Percival! That is a sword. It does hurt.” =))

Aithusa

Once again, I am going to rave about Colin Morgan’s acting ability because when he met Aithusa again in the caves, the hurt, worry, and confusion was so clearly expressed. Actually, every time he has to use his dragonlord powers to force Aithusa to do something (even if that something is to stop her(him?) from killing people) always seems to hurt Merlin. When they met in the caves, he even tried to just tell her to go before he was forced to command her.

I’m wondering if Aithusa was able to speak when she first met Morgana. Otherwise, Morgana knowing her name is such a big plot hole. I like to believe that at the end, Aithusa was free and that Merlin often called her and Kilgharrah together to have dragon tea parties. Hahaha Unlikely, though, as Merlin respected their freedom and tried as much as possible not to call on Kilgharrah. Also, since Kilgharrah has started to weaken by end of season 5. I do hope that Aithusa and Merlin became as good friends as Kilgharrah and Merlin were.

Mordred

The funny thing is, the prophecy happened precisely because Merlin tried so hard to prevent it. Mordred was good, and I believe he really was up until the very end. The reason he betrayed Morgana was because she had lost all compassion. And when he helped Kara escape, he was also shocked to see her kill people so easily and with no remorse. When Morgana took the magic of one of their people, he was also the one who noted how there should have been no reason to do so, especially to their own kind. And at the very end, I interpreted him telling Arthur “you gave me no choice” as Modred saddened by the fact that (at least in his perspective), Arthur likewise wasn’t the man he thought he was. If anything, Mordred was probably the main character who despised violence the most (even more so than Merlin). I can’t help but be sad because Mordred had the makings of becoming a very good friend to both Arthur and Merlin because he was both a knight and a druid. He had a connection to both and it just didn’t happen and it makes me sad.

Morgana

If anyone wants to compare Morgana before and after her betrayal of Camelot, one only needs to see when Gwen was captured on both times. Her actions and her reactions were so different. It was really when I thought, “yes, she’s gone now”. I wonder what would have happened if Gaius had told her she had magic, and helped her hide and nurture it like he did Merlin. I wonder what would have happened if Merlin had told her he had magic, too, and they bonded over their similarities. I wonder what would have happened if she’d been able to stay with the druids she met when Merlin helped her find them. They were peaceful druids who didn’t want to hurt Uther, unlike her sister Morgause. It was really terrible how all her sufferings made her so different from what she was.

Really loved how she feared Emrys though. XD

The Ending

Gwaine’s death was really sad because he could have survived. :(

I was happy that Gwen figured out Merlin in the end. I just hope Merlin being unable to save Arthur didn’t change her view on anything (yes, I’m being pessimistic, and we’ll never know).

On my previous rant about Uther

In a post I made after I finished the first season, I ranted about how I just couldn’t understand why Uther thought magic was against him when all that happened was he made the mistake of using magic to have a child and it killed his wife. I said it made sense he hated the sorceress or even magic in general (even though he was to blame, at least partly), but that it didn’t make sense why he’d think all sorcery is a conspiracy against him and his kingdom.

When Arthur learned about the truth of his birth in season 2 and he angrily charged at Uther, I think he put it really well when he said that Uther was looking for something/someone to put all the blame to and in that attempt to free himself from guilt, he made everything/everyone related to magic an enemy in his mind. I guess the old druids were right. He is not someone to hate, but someone to pity. (I still hate him though, urgh. It just really became so annoying how he has managed to convince himself that he and only he is right and that he really did no mistake.)

And seeing just how Morgana changed by the time of the fifth season, I guess I could see how Uther could have reached his beliefs. Both were filled with grief and were in distress. Both couldn’t get rid of it until it just turned to hate– very strong hate to the point that their actions against the target of their hate no longer had reason or meaning. Unfortunately, father and daughter truly are more alike than Morgana would ever dare admit.

[madasthesea]

You used to watch Merlin, right? What about a Merlin fic? Congrats on the followers.

Thank you! And yes, I love and am forever angry at Merlin, as all true fans are. I’ve had this story sitting in my drafts for ages, so I hope you don’t mind me breaking it out here. (I’m like 99.5% sure I’ve never posted it anywhere, but sorry if I have)

The chimera falls, the lion’s mouth hanging open, the goat’shead lolling grotesquely, the remains of the snake body writhing for a momentin the fallen leaves before going still. There’s a moment of silent relief, andthen—

“What. The. Devil. Was. That!” Merlin shouts just as Arthuryells

“What were you thinking, you idiot?” They round on eachother, storming forward until they’re practically nose to nose, continuingtheir tirades, loudly, in the other’s face.

The Knights of Camelot watch on, surprised. Arthur andMerlin don’t fight. They bicker and insult and Arthur throws punches andgoblets and Merlin rolls his eyes and, occasionally, they storm off in oppositedirections and don’t speak for a while. But they don’t argue, not like this,not shouting at the top of their lungs, their anger ringing like explosionsaround the clearing.

“Should we stop them?” Leon asks, warily.

“—You could have been killed! Because Prince-freaking-Arthurneeds to show off—“

“—You were just standing there, you didn’t even have asword—“

“Nah,” Gwaine says, making shooing motions until the knightsturn away and begin to deal with the remains of the monster. “Better they haveit out here than at the castle.”

Arthur and Merlin, totally oblivious to their audience,probably would have gone on like that for quite some time, if Merlin didn’twince in pain when he moved his arm.

“You’re hurt,” Arthur remarks, his voice tight and stillsimmering with anger, but no longer shouting. Merlin looks down at his leftsleeve, dark with blood and torn to shreds. He scowls at it, then Arthur, thengoes and sits at the base of a tree, pulling medical supplies out of hissaddlebags on the way. Arthur’s face goes white, then red, when he sees thegashes marring Merlin’s upper arm.

“Why, Merlin, do you alwaysfeel the need to throw yourself in the path of the most dangerous thing around?Are you that much of an idiot that you don’t realize that you’re supposed toget out of the way of giant magicalbeasts?” Arthur rants, still loud but on the softer side of yelling, pacingback and forth in the small space not occupied by trees, horses, or a largechimera corpse. He’s dirty, sweaty, and red-faced in fury, but whole andunharmed. The fact that Merlin is not, that he is currently wrapping foot afterfoot of bandages around his arm and still not stopping the blood flow, seems tofuel his anger.

“You’re one to talk. And I was trying to prevent it from killing you, in case you didn’t notice!”Merlin matches him for volume, pausing in his sloppy ministrations to look atArthur incredulously.

“All I saw was you clamoring to be a chimera’s dinner! And Iknow you have delusions of grandeur, Merlin, but why on earth would you thinkit’s your job to protect me?”

“Cause you’re my best friend, and you bloody well know it!”Merlin shouts, irate. “And my plan was working perfectly, you didn’t need tojump in,” he adds, looking back down to his poorly done bandaging.

Arthur has stopped his pacing and is staring at his manservant,blinking repeatedly. It takes him a moment to notice that Merlin is trying totie off the linens with one hand and his teeth. He rolls his eyes, then stridesforward and crouches next to him, brushing Merlin’s attempts away.

“I didn’t,” Arthur says softly, as he undoes the shoddybandaging job and starts over.

“You didn’t step in front of a charging chimera and almostget killed? Because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what happened,” Merlinseethes, and it’s not that he’s angry at Arthur, really. But Merlin had seen, withaid of his magic, the snake’s fangs come within inches of tearing out Arthur’sthroat. The terror of thinking that he wouldn’t be fast enough to save himlingers in Merlin’s mouth like a bitter tonic, and his muscles are tense as hesits, watching as Arthur winds the red-stained linen around his bicep.

“No, I didn’t know… that.” He ties off the bandagescarefully and then seems unsure of what to do with his hands. “That I’m… Ididn’t know,” he trails off, then steels himself before glancing up and meetingMerlin’s wide eyes.

“Arthur,” Merlin breathes, but Arthur just looks back toMerlin’s injured arm and begins to clean the blood from his skin with a ragdampened with water from his own wineskin.

“I thought… Gwaine. Or Gwen even.” He doesn’t look upagain, but he knows Merlin’s shaking his head a little.

“No. Don’t get me wrong, they’re amazing and I love them.But they’re not you,” Merlin says, shrugging with one shoulder and Arthurcarefully keeps his head bent over Merlin’s blood crusted hand so his smallsmile isn’t visible.

“You never said.” Is all Arthur replies with and Merlin feelscontrite for a moment.

“Arthur, why do you think I follow you everywhere? I go onpatrols with you, and on quests, and to battle…. I wouldn’t do that justbecause you’re my master,” Merlin confesses, almost whispering, and he wants totug Arthur’s chin up so he’ll look him in the eyes, but he’s fixated on cleaningaway the blood that has settled in the lines of Merlin’s palm.

“No, but… as the prince…” he trails off, dropping Merlin’sleft hand and moving to his right, and he appears to be grateful for thedistraction. It means he doesn’t have to look Merlin in the eye.

“Arthur, it’s true that if you die, Camelot loses its heir. Andthat I want to see your reign more than anything.” Arthur’s hands lose theirrhythm for a moment, before resuming steadily. “But, Arthur,” he continues, andhe finally gives in to the desire to tilt Arthur’s chin up until he can’t lookaway. “If you died, I would…. I don’t.” He stops and drops his hand fromArthur’s face, but it doesn’t matter, because Arthur’s attention is riveted onthe way Merlin’s breath hitches and the desolated fear that washes over hisfeatures. “I don’t know if I would ever recover.”

Arthur watches him until he quirks the corner of his mouthto assure him that he wasn’t about to fall apart. Then he gently returns tocleaning the last of the blood from Merlin’s hand.  

“You’re mine, as well. Just so you know,” Arthur finallymurmurs as he releases his hold on Merlin’s wrist. Merlin’s heart lurchesgiddily and his cheeks flush with pleasure at the assurance of Arthur’saffections. He wants to pledge to him that, even though Arthur had only meanthis best friend, he is Arthur’s—his magic,his service, and his life. But as Arthur rinses out the rag and straightens hishunched shoulders, he has a feeling that Arthur has reached his “feelingsquota” for the month.

“That’s good,” Merlin says instead of the oaths and promisesthat are burning in his throat. “This would have been a bit awkward, if not.”

Arthur throws back his head and laughs, breaking the bubblethey had been in. He stands, and offers his hand to help Merlin up. Since oneof his arms is laying rather uselessly against his chest, he reaches up andtakes it gladly. Once he’s standing, Arthur throws his arm around Merlin’sshoulders and leads him to where the knights are saddling up their horses.

Merlin needs help getting into his own saddle, and Arthurrolls his eyes and calls him a girl and Merlin accidently-on-purpose kicks himin the face. They’re going to be just fine.