#i simply cant afford it
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I didn’t notice I dressed Sofia up like her brother, but its a lab coat instead of a trench…
I forgot to post this yesterday but I got too stressed out, and shut down etc etc.
#anyways look at the cat people look at the colorful cat people *jingles keys*#i know its not perfect I’m litcherally just having fun so I don’t have an anuerysm at this rate#katpurrccinocs#i mean if i took my life the only thing anyone would be missing would be the occassional drawing of my ocs like this#it would just simply be a better place if I was gone. There is no real loss here lol#i give up respectfully on my life. im not gonna survive what the status quo wants. its as simple as that.#im tired of living in fear. pain. cant even think or breathe because of pain. cant even afford to eat#i just dont even care if i die
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literally spent nearly an hour today looking at options for doing an online degree in Classics because I was like oh yeah that would be so much fun and I want to study Latin and Greek tragedy properly all the way through this time. girl you just graduated why are you looking for reasons to be in SCHOOL AGAIN you literally have a full-time job lined up for you in the fall ?????????
#also money-wise i cant afford a lot of the options but i was like oh man think about it. an online diploma or BA that would be so cool#maybe like. 1-2 classes at a time during the year? maybe?????#edit: or perhaps i just need help and/or am addicted to the study grind and/or am simply aching to be learning regularly again
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$550 for this y'all got me fucked up
#arcane#oh my god i want the bookends so bad but i simply cant afford this#gonna have to get the artbook by itself
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why cant like. the weather have air conditioners. why am i expected to wait for the bus under the scorching hot sun. i may always wear long sleeved (often layered) clothing in this hot humid oven of a country but it cant just expect me to not look good and to not slay... why cant the weather adjust to my fashion choices
#not art#i talk!!!#saying this on main because i must speak my truth . the world must know that it is drotter yelling at the sun#and because its funny but at the same time im not lying im not making this up why cant we have like. air conditioner for the sun#“michael why cant you just wear lightweight clothing” i cant I USE IT ALL AT HOME💔💔💔💔#even then im sorry lightweight clothing doesnt even do it. i will still sweat like crazy#and on my defense i still freeze in air conditioner rooms despite my 100 layers of clothing so clearly my clothing is not the issue.../lh#also im trans so the weather should be accomodating to the fact my chest needs to look flat in public#rhe weather simply does noy understand top surgery is not cheap not everyone can afford that so i depend on layers💔/hj#and bagginess sometimes but in some outfits bagginess does not slay so much it is frowned upon by me in some outfits#i am going to die in the time ive been writing this not a single bus of the one i need has come by i will die i just wanna go home???#atp im only be able to stay home for like. 20 minutes before i have to be out again so i can get to class its so over i cant do this💔💔
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This is going to sound unexpectedly specific compared to my usual vague-as-fuck questions. Context being: I want money, I cannot commit to doing commissions at the moment and drawing is my only marketable skill.
If you were to buy a character "adopt" - premade design for your use, art by me and no rights retained except to like merchandising that original art - would it be a significant factor in either a positive or negative direction if the art were originally done digitally vs traditionally?
Likewise, if you were to buy a traditionally-drawn adopt, would the inclusion of the original paper-and-ink drawing be a significant benefit to you that you would consider paying more than just "base" price for?
Third, regardless of medium, would you want "scratch" papers where I did the brainstorming before the final concept was finished - this wouldn't be at any extra cost i just wonder.
Fourth, would you prefer a "flat" sale or an auction? (I like buying things at auction-style sales, and it means you might get a cheaper price than i'd normally list whatever it is for, but I am given to understand that my preferences vary from the norm pretty significantly lol) .
Fifth, would TF or at lesat mecha designs be more interesting than non-TF ones or would more general "can use this as any oc for anything" type characters be more appealing?
Ah - sixth and last, do regular ocs appeal more or less than kink/fetish-oriented ocs like "suspiciously wide-hipped lady who just so happens to have a mouth in her crotch" or stuff in that vein lol? I'm not sure I can stop myself from coming up with at least one erotic as fuck design because that's just how my brain works, but it's good to know if i should try and focus on that or leave it be and just focus on concepts that seem interesting enough to get a shape out of.
#i know this is specific. please understand i want to eat good food again.#i am not in Serious Financial Worry i simply cannot afford takeout again. my dad is going to give me money when he gets around to it but#that might be any time between now and the end of the month#and about 80% of the money in my bank account is tapped for rx payments the second i get to the pharmacy so i cant spend basically anything#if you guys respond it'd be a big help#also if anyone is interested - first design im working on is a cordyceps-possessed archer elf lady.#and im thinking to list it for around $40-50 US and +$10 and shipping for the paper version#i get a good deal on shipping these days at least. i should be able to ship overseas for like $15-20 US and not $60 or whatever#eta. LOL. LMAO EVEN. ummmm im probably going to want $200 minimum for this archer design. theres three and a half full color illustrations#here. i detailed LACE. FIVE TIMES. INCLUDING A DIAGRAM#i spent eight hours i want like at least my old rates lol#its a cool ass design though. so its worth it. trust me <- biased#my mailing list as usual gets first pick of stuff like this#so if you want to see it go sign up for that and then come message me and ill forward you a copy of the email i sent htem#if they snap it up im not selling it publicly.
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sometimes I think of "mundane animism" that is so inherent to people and ironically I find it most common in car culture. Nearly every car guy I've met believes in, knows, and has a relationship with the soul of their car. I've met car guys who have genuine separation anxiety and I swore practically an oath to take care of my other project car for as long as she'll live.
I think embracing this is almost like embracing the spirit of a house: they are simply so natural.
#animism#car animism#dragonis.txt#paganism#pagan#just simply thinking... would anyone want car animism thoughts????#its a bit niche and ngl. bad hobby to get into#looking at rims i cant afford and more project cars because I feel bad that they've been abandoned!!!!!!
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i hate when someone invites me to like do something or go somewhere but they also invite someone i dislike, that they know i dislike and when i say i don't want to come because that person is there they're like it's fine, just ignore them...because i want to spend money i barely even have to spend time around people that have hurt me????? like if i don't like the person, idc who else is there and if i can ignore them, i'm not gonna put myself into a situation like that and idk why that's so hard for people to get
#my friends birthday is tomorrow#and she decided to spring a last minute plan on me to go to some hotel and stay for the weekend#which is a horrible idea for several reasons#we used to be a trio and then the other girl stopped talking to me because she was jealous#and we havent spoken in a year but they’re still friends#i hate her#she hates me#and we dont see each other and i want to keep it that way#secondly i hate last minute plans#it gives me unnecessary anxiety#thirdly the other person who's coming we aren't that close#so its just a mess all around#and lastly i literally told her i cant afford this because my internship hasn't paid me#i have less than 200 bucks to my name rn because idk when im gonna get paid#and shes like oh well ill lend it to you and you can just pay me back#like the issue isnt just not having the money rn#its that this is the type of thing id have to save for in advance#even if i borrowed the money from her#itd still put me out because i simply cant afford it#and its perplexing to me why she cant understand why a last minute overnight trip to a hotel isnt something everyone can just drop money on#especially in this fucking economy#i think i need better friends#rants and ramblings
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Thinks abt how the one person in my family I really relate to and respect settled in her marriage and later wakes up in a cold sweat
#'i mean he's not emotional and open and super loving but he works hard and can provide and i decided that was worth it'#good god.#im really glad that im no longer married to. well. the idea of marriage lol#and a home n kids#like it would be nice if i found my dream person#but i simply cannot afford to settle#my soul cannot handle settling for anything less than my dreams and genuinely if im alone forever than so be it#i can give myself everything i want!#i just could never forgive myself if i settled and god forbid had kids w someone i wasnt 100% sure of#i will not recreate the family i grew up in.#if i do have kids i want them to know their parents are madly in love and happy#and the idea of this dream person is so Fun but also it can just be a dream yk#ive learned a lot thru this and thru talking w more adults abt heartbreak etc and just.#wow.#so many ppl settle cos they're scared of being alone or see it as a failure#and i just cant do that. id rather be single forever than settle i really would#the way ppl live is so fascinating idk#i 💗 old women#my real dream is to be a cool old woman lmao#kdjfhshdhfkglahfk#like im a man now but idk if i'll be an old man its hard to explain
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FUCK. I hate having to make adult financial decisions.
#the problem is. TECHNICALLY I've been saving to move out#but until my monthly pay is 1. stable and 2. a lil better that is simply not a sustainable achievable goal#and now . i have enough money to actually afford lasik.#which i want very badly bc i hate wearing glasses cause it inhibits me doing activities i love and enjoy#but equally i fucking HATE spending money like i cant comprehend things being more than like. £100#and this would be a 4 figure sum of money#thats. too many figures. and i feel like i shouldnt ever use it for something that isnt life threatening#but also it Would enable me to like... go to gigs. perform. work out. manage my migraines.#i just cant bring myself to spend money on a large scale. i remember not too long ago when i had less than £60 to my name in the world#having the ability to spend money on something just For Me thats more substantial than. say. a £30 gig ticket#is absolutely foreign to me#and it makes me sick with fear that if i ever spend it ill be two months from risking homelessness again even though#logically i know im in a stable home right now#anyway!!! poverty is traumatic as fuck and if jobs paid a real living wage for a weeks work maybe i would be able to be normal about this!!!
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Jason, especially in that one Teen Titans comic, often complains about the lack of pants he has. And I'm haunted thinking about that at all times
#he clearer wanted to have pants. or at the very least. something more suited for cold environments#boy was in the fucking arctic. pantless. and then teased for asking how wonder woman wasnt cold. he cant catch a break 😔#its just so weird. so wild#im not sayijg. entirely. that bruce was forcing jason to have the same costume as dick with no changes for him#but also.#he was. like he was clearly stated in comics to be doing that with thw whole#makikg him go by robin making him wear the robin costume saying he is robin now. not acknowledging him as like a different robin#no villains really pointed out. only harvey bullock did. i miss harvey bullock so bad#like. its more of a subtle hes not allowed to change it. where i dont think he really thinks he can ask#wpuld jason habe been able to get pants if he directly asked? well.#i want to give bruce the benefit of the doubt and say yes#lets just say that#amd obviously this changed with tim#probably bc the writers wanted to steer clearer of making a possible dick clone or copy#but like in universe#bruce either realized making your kid dress uo as your other kid is kinda fucked. wanted tim to have more protection#couldn't stand tim looking like jason. or tim was firmer in getting a new suit where jason was more passive about for many possible reasons#or something else. who knows. its all up to you#he doesn't even have like a winter suit or something. dang. bruce you're a million billionaire or whatever#you can afford fancy heaters in both suits but you cant make robin some spare pants. he was in the arctic.#i dont careee they were just walking to the fortress which was warm. he had no pants OR long sleeves#when jason was left to his own devices to make his own suit he had covered legs and arms. the shorts is not whats in his heart#why DONT they have winter or colder weather outfits huh.#i can forgive the robin uniform because yknow running around working out working up a sweat#but my disbelief can only be suspended so far#when snows involved i simply cannot accept it#but thats leaning away from canon and more going into “if i could whatever i wanted and redesign them to be vaguely more practical”
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Self-proclaimed mature people baffled by the belief that people shouldn't have to pay money to survive
#maybe. and hear me out. maybe homelessness and dying of hunger and prevtable diseases should simply. not be happening#this is something i realised ehen i was eight. hoe are there full grown human beings believing poor people should die if they cant afford it#obviously this isnt new information for right-thinking people but dear god. the things one hears
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honestly insane how much shou has changed in the span of like 3 years
#I DONT TALK ENOUGH ABT THIS#but yeah. sm has happened in this very little time and turning from a scaredy-cat runaway into a Threat has been wild#a violent threat at that. do u ever think of the violence it takes. do u ever think of the weight of it#of having to hurt others in order to live between them#and accepting it simply becuz there is no other choice#becuz otherwise you'll ti keep fighting without a chance to win!!!!!!#becuz u can't afford to be weak becuz you cant choose peace in a world that expects you to be stronger!!#a world that holds u to terrible standards!!!!!!!!!!!!#that's claw!!! that's his dad!!!!!!#im so unwell it's 7 in the morning#this is all in my head btw. sorry if u expect the lore of a bg character to be anything more than a singular flashback that isnt abt him#agshsvshdvhddvb shou lore in my head#ショウ ; i realized that youth is grey. / headcanon.#that childhood memories post has done things to me
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Me when i eat enough food: "Why do I have so much energy"
#in my defense doing this requires me to spend a lot of money because me and my parents disagree on food choices extensivly#im just willing to do it this week because i have a lifeguard recert and that requires me to actaully be nurished to pass#rest of the year simply cant afford to eat enough to be energetic#that and people tend to get annoyed at me when i have my full level of energy#sighhhhh#plus side#Bao with pork and pinaple cranberyy ghost pepper sauce#because yum and good
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im probably dropping out of college btw
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i think i need to bite the bullet and start fundraising for a new car
#séb.txt#she is... not so good... and i think itd be cheaper in the long run to just get a new ine#plus when this eight weeks is over i have to start driving the mount pleasant for classes#and mount pleasant is an hour away and my sister said when she worked in mount pleasant she spent so much money on gas#and tbh i dont think my car will survive consistently making that drive for however long it takes for me to move out#like i am trying to find a place and a job more out towards mount pleasant#but my job simply isnt giving me enough hours to afford to move out or make rent anywhere#i cant even make my rent rn and its only $550 and most places out that way are $600+#i just... idk what else to do?#and getting my car repaired rn will cost $1000+ bc i need a whole new front bumper#its just. agh. it sucks!!!!!!
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absolutely fuming i wanted to get tickets for spa 6h next year and not only did they raise the prices by 50 fucking percent, they also make you pay extra for the pitwalk AND the student discount is only from ages 12-16 im gonna kill whoever is in charge of the ticketing
#dtm was already hiked up this year and now wec too? DIE DIE DIE DIE#i simply cant afford that shit yall#like i cant pay close to 100€ every time i want to go to a race and then another 100€ for fuel because those tracks are in ass fuck nowhere#and then even more for camping#at my fucking limit here#AND THOSE ARE EARLY BIRD PRICES
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