#i just cant bring myself to spend money on a large scale. i remember not too long ago when i had less than £60 to my name in the world
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FUCK. I hate having to make adult financial decisions.
#the problem is. TECHNICALLY I've been saving to move out#but until my monthly pay is 1. stable and 2. a lil better that is simply not a sustainable achievable goal#and now . i have enough money to actually afford lasik.#which i want very badly bc i hate wearing glasses cause it inhibits me doing activities i love and enjoy#but equally i fucking HATE spending money like i cant comprehend things being more than like. £100#and this would be a 4 figure sum of money#thats. too many figures. and i feel like i shouldnt ever use it for something that isnt life threatening#but also it Would enable me to like... go to gigs. perform. work out. manage my migraines.#i just cant bring myself to spend money on a large scale. i remember not too long ago when i had less than £60 to my name in the world#having the ability to spend money on something just For Me thats more substantial than. say. a £30 gig ticket#is absolutely foreign to me#and it makes me sick with fear that if i ever spend it ill be two months from risking homelessness again even though#logically i know im in a stable home right now#anyway!!! poverty is traumatic as fuck and if jobs paid a real living wage for a weeks work maybe i would be able to be normal about this!!!
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