#i shouldnt be listening to my musical playlist right now

[flowersfortheghost]

literally on the verge of tears because of the ghostflower angst im writing and get down from six the musical is playing right now!

[thedeathwitchescats]

daily offerings I want to add into my practice

First up is deities I actively work with and worship heavily

Hades

Tarot pulls

Working on my death alter

Cleaning ((offering both to him and the spirits))

Lighting his candle ((maybe not daily but more regularly than I do right now))

Meditation

Keeping good finances ((once I score a steady job going every day will be devotional time to him as well))

Wearing his necklace or other devotional jewerly

Persephone

Spring and summer

Keeping my room tidy

Keeping my [her] plants alive

Fall and winter

Tarot pulls ((I need to get her a deck))

Moving my meditation with hades outside to honor her as well

Aphrodite

Daily showers

Listening to self love subliminals

Eating fruit

Lighting her candle for skin care ((as well as doing regular skin care))

Daily self cleansing ((even if it is just intentional showering some days))

Remembering to eat every day

Ares

Shadow work ((targeted at anger))

Calming exercises

Deep breathing

Remembering to vent my feelings when they get too big ((even if it is just to his candle))

Dionysus

Sadly I am not able to be medicated ((mental health spooky shit)) yet but that is going to be a devotional act for him once it happens. Currently tho:

Tracking my sh recovery journey

I am going to work on a playlist for him but listening to it will be a daily devotional act ((even just a few songs))

Not daily but regularly watching musical cartoons

Also not daily ((dionysus is very chill in my practice so I dont often work with him every day in large capacities)) but working with and making spell oils

Lady Morrigan

I know some people worship the morrigan as three separate entities but often she presents herself to be as one sole entity ((often as the aspect titled Badb)) so I just refer to her as "Lady Morrigan")) however you work with/worship her is totally valid

Study celtic mythology

Scrying work

Daily coffee with her

Asking for her advice with decisions I know I shouldnt make on my own

Lilith

Shadow work ((general digging into my inner self))

Self love practices ((taking daily time for myself, also considering starting yoga again as a devotional act for her))

Lighting her candle while i get ready ((I wanna do this with a couple people for different reasons but for her specifically I want to devote the time I get dressed to her))

Moon cycle calendar

Queen Maeve

Tend to the plants

Making an alter to the fae is going to be a big devotional act for her as it is gonna be my first outdoor alter

Reading mythology with her

Practicing traditional magic

Now for guides and deities I worship casually

Lady Asteria

I want to start a dream journal dedicated to her

Sleep meditation

Lady Freya

Taking care of my kitten

Caring for my personal relationships

Cerridwen

Writing poetry for her

Working on my stories

Asmodeus

Boundary work ((this was why he first appeared into my space, what him and I worked on most while I worked with him, and it is what he helps with now that he took a step back))

Knowing when to quit some things

Lucifer

Shadow work ((when I devote the shadow work to Lilith he usually pops in too))

[sexredlipstick]

its Jisung from NCT dream again and my daughter has just woken up and is already twerking and shit to her ghetto ass emo playlist. i fucking hate that shit! ghetto ass emo music?! how dare she do this to me. i raised my baby right, not wrong. shes my little scene slut right? so why does she need a song about it? i dont get her muisc taste. she should only be listening to NCT dream and TXT and p1harmony and thats it! no BTS. shes friends with BTS but they get too wild about being god, they preached to her and told her crazy things it was so wild and she took it as reality. they were rude af to her too on purpose though, because they love her truly and deeply. her only crushes are on jhope, namjoon and jin. thats it! not taehyung?? i don't believe that for a second.. shes such a fucking liar. i know she has a crush on taehyung. we really shouldn't be talking about them because they are crazy obsessed with my daughter and its creepy. but whatever! we're good. they got their 15 minutes of fame. so now that this is over, this programming session im going to lock my daughters friendship zone debit card for 2 years so she cant touch the money for that long and its at $15 million dollars right now. she cant buy meth or anything like that anymore. she bought opium, $5 million dollars worth of it before, and i dont know how she got the money, i think it was from her commander in chief lava mccgee. he shouldnt have let her have that much money, but she did. anyway? we're ending this session right nah! goodbye daughter, and keep usisng tumblr its fun! okay? im going to leave you now. goodbye sweet cakes. leave! The Mummy Coders Handbook. moon beam the angel of the simulation ends this diary written by manon choi the secretary and commander in chief lava mccgee labels this transcript as $71.

[itcantbechase]

I understand we’re different, I understand some differences will always cause friction, I understand if you don’t want to try and change someone, I wasn’t desperate, I didn’t want to change to keep you, I wanted to enjoy your music and did, We are Mickey and Gus, you were the captain, I wasn’t pretending to like any of it just to appease you, I was open and flexible and you opened up my heart to new possibilities, made me a better parent even tho I don’t even have a kid yet, made me healthier by caring about what I put into my body, made me wiser by listening to music that was deep and meaningful. Yeah I didn’t go to some show back in 2016 with you, sorry I wasn’t in to the same things you were into in high school, if I knew you in high school, there would be no 11 years because I would have tried to lock you down even if we were as different then, as we are now, I knew we were different going into this, and you did too, and the differences shouldn’t matter, because they don’t. The clothes you wear and the music you listen to shouldnt define you, maybe they did in high school but this is real life. You are defined by your beauty, inside and out. Your humor, your kindness. The fact that your such a loving parent to your son. We are the same person because deep down I care about people just as much as you do, i just have a hard time showing it. We literally have the same humor, we both care about our family, we both have the same values and common interests, you just don’t see it. Everything you claim to be different is superficial, when you dig deeper past the bs we are the same, Idc what you say. That’s why I can’t let go, that’s why I’ll always fight, I don’t want to argue but there will always be something to be said. I can’t help how I feel. Me and old boy will never be cool. Me and him can never be friends. It’s only because of what I know about him. How can I lose you to someone like that? Over time we will drift apart because he will force you into not talking to me, he manipulated you into this over the course of a month. Maybe I’m doing the same, or maybe I actually care about you. Maybe this is the hill worth dying on. Maybe you’re actually wrong for once. I know I could have been better, and in time I will become better with or with out you,

'Cause I did love you, and I still do

And how my standard of girls is based completely around you

You gave me the blueprint, I know what to look for in a girl. Maybe I’ll find one one day, maybe she will be cool with me talking to you, hopefully who ever you end up with is cool with you talking to me, I know you say you don’t need permission but you’re too nice of a girl to do something if you know it bothers someone, that’s why you deleted the playlist. In time, I’ll become someone you used to know. I’ll hear anti hero at a corporate chain restaurant and think of you. I’ll make myself an iced coffee right before the gym and think of you, I’ll think of you everytime I go to the west side of town, because we’re so different I never had any other reason to go that way, I’ll think of you any time someone mentions bold bean, I’ll think of you any time my kid gives me shit and I want to choke him like Homer Simpson, I’ll think of you all the time for a long time, and then we’ll get older and I won’t think of you as much, I’ll be reminded of you from time to time and I’ll smile, my wife will ask me why I’m smiling and I will have to lie, I’d much rather not have to lie. Because I would be lying to myself every day saying I’m happy knowing that she ain’t kaitlen. Maybe one day I’ll move on, but I don’t want to move on, that’s the thing.

I still want it to be me and you vs the world, don’t let the world win.

I know this has been a whirl wind,

but I want you to be there when the world ends.

See I’m way more emo than this wanna be, he probably only ever ever got into that shit to try and be cool with you or some other girl, I’m really about that life just like I was when I listened to rap when I was younger. I fought people, I sold drugs, i was a bad person. And after being able to enjoy the love of my life and lose her all in a month, I’m now emo. I don’t want to dress emo, I may not know the lyrics to any songs, but I’m bout that life, I showed up ready to die for you, he ran. I would of spent months in jail for you, I would still kill someone for you if they tried to harm you, that’s about as gangster rap and emo as it gets, and I’m not just saying this shit to try and get you back, I can get hoes, I just don’t want to get hoes. I want you, it’s not because I’m desperate, you are way better than me in every way, it’s because I thought you were my best friend. And because you make me laugh, and because we are the same on the inside, just not the outside. I accepted you for you, I didn’t care about the differences. You shouldn’t either, that’s why I can’t let go. At least not for now,

I been hoping for love just like Mickey my whole life, and hoping for love ruined my life, and I thought that I could be saved by you, but please, let me save you too…

[evandore]

whusgwhhevsggsve. this is so embarrassing >_< i listen to a lot of music right. like just sitting alone and playing music for hours at a time for fun. and i stim while doing so. and this is like. well its daily but mainly i do it at night since my stim is. aggressively rocking back and forth and throwing myself around the bed cause i am jamming yknow.

and obv that makes a lot of noise and back when i lived w my mum i got yelled at a lot since my bed was broken and every time i moved it creaked loudly. so now i sleep on a mattress on the floor so that Doesnt happen (alsoz aggresive constant stimming. breaks bedframes. jsyk.) and i thought i was good now cause its a mattress its not loud or whatever. but my brother just texted me asking me what the noise was and hes been hearinf it every night (hes up at night downstairs mostly.) and that is just. eugh. THATS SO EMBARRASSING!!!! like obv im getting more comfortable visibly stimming as the years go on and i care less about social stigma. but this is like. its such a private thing.

i Dont do it in front of people and dont like people knowing cause. thats My business. whixh is also why im worried about long term relationships and moving in w lovers cause idk if id be able to share a room. i Need to sit alone and lisyen to music for hours every night or i will go crazy.

um but yea idk. im just wondering if like. i mean i know this isnt like some exclusive experience like in a generalized way but then you get down to it and realize like. music is my special interest which is. Idk i dont like saying that since its so. like you know its such a common thing that it doesnt explain the autistic depth to it. which is why i default to playlists cause thats Is my niche and fhats what im into but that also excludes all the other stuff. i dont even know where im going with this the past couple days i couldnt help comparing myself to other people and feeling bad about my weird tendencies :( i know i shouldnt but :(

and the worst stupidest thing is that i Want to meet someone like me who shares my interests cause i know in the end no one actually cares about my playlists or gets it like i do. but at yhe same time if i Did meet someone like rhat. i would get so defensive and so so angry out of some like. idk individuality complex everyone has rhese days. and if rhey were doing it in a way i thought was Wrong it would be even worse.

anyway look at what my brother said

[thecoloursdontshow]

i feel like bucky and sam can represent their love for each other in opposite ways. bucky writes letter. sam makes playlist and finds quotes that remind him of bucky. bucky knows about the playlist, he catches sam listening to it after a nightmare, or a conference, or a mission. because it feels like buckys there. and when bucky is there, he could completely collapse in the mess of abba and marvin gaye. and bucky. and for sam, he knows about the letters. he gets one every once and a while, normally in the morning. he catches bucky writing them whenever he can. nightmares, and after mission mostly. but even if their sitting on the couch, a cat curled up around his shoulders and sam head pressed to his chest, the only sound is the scracthing of pen on paper. But one day, that changes. after jokingly making fun of buckys music taste, sam later finds a playlist with his name on buckys Spotify. he doesn’t tell bucky he knows about, he just smiles, and scrolls through it, and he cant stop smiling because if theres one person you’d get this right it was bucky. and it was a damn good playlist, too. now, a few weeks later, or something, bucky gets hit. and he gets hit bad. hes hospitalized, and for two days, sam doesnt sleep, eat or move. music normally helped him calm down. but it couldn’t. but sam eyed a small, empty notebook, and a pen. he figured, why not, he’d never let bucky see it. the same way bucky never let him see the playlist. the room was filled with sounds of crinkling paper, pens scracthing over crumpled pieces, and a beeping heart monitor. bucky wakes up, one day after that. he borrows sams jacket a few weeks later for something or other. sam completely forgot about the letter. forgot he shoved it into his jacket pocket. so bucky doesnt think he was supposed to find it on the way back from the farmers market. he pulls the car over to read. 

time freezes in time as your icy blue eyes stay closed forever more

silence fills the room where your laugh once was

bright lights and shining stars cant replace your smile

come back to me

let time flow as your laugh once did

dont let me think the bright red on my hands once belonged to you

brighter red than when you light up a room with your smile

come back to me

so i can fall for you once more

instead of letting you fall

and bucky just about loses his goddamn mind. he shoves the paper in his jean pocket, this time, and drives at least 15 over the speed limit. he greets sam with a bone crushing hug, which makes sam raise an eyebrow. bucky just that he loves him. when sam makes a face he tries to pass of as annoyance, bucky grins. “you rather me hate you?” is what bucky asks, and sam just rolls his eyes, pulling bucky down for a slow, sweet kiss. theres a faint playing of “why did it have to be me?” by abba in the background, that may or may not be playing from buckys playlist. they wouldnt know. they shouldnt have. 

~~~~~ (SADNESS EHEHEHE) it was cold. the leaves were no longer green, nor a beautiful red and orange. brown, crunchy brittle leaves are what filled the ground. a ring and 2 dog chains rattled in the wind. shaking hands held a small frame, with piece of paper inside. bucky knelt down in front of the headstone, reading sam wilson, avenger, husband, brother. “i believe we can do better”

bucky took a deep breath, setting the frame down.

“come back to me sammy”

[under-the-cherrytree]

so you do au swaps right ? could i request the twins and teru in a (royal/medieval/fantasy) au ?(sorry but i forgot what it was called haha) but maybe they sneak out the castle one night and then they meet and befriend the reader. sort of like those cliche love stories where the prince falls in love with one of the village people

Princes Amane Yugi, Tsukasa, and Teru x reader❣︎

Warnings: None that I can really think of

A/n: I LISTENED TO A 10 HOUR PLAYLIST OF MEDIEVAL MUSIC YEAHHHHH!!

I had too much coffee while I’m writing this-

This is like small oneshots so...

Anyways! Enjoy and have a great day!

You walked down the empty street, carrying a small basket as you slowly approached your home. You looked at the moonlight as you walked humming to yourself. Instantly a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you into an alley.

“Give me all your valuables…” He said, causing you to shiver. You didn’t say anything which caused him to slam you against the wall.

“I said give me all your stuff you damn pessant!”

“O-okay! Please d-dont hurt me!” You shouted, taking off anything that was worth something.

“I won’t have to hurt you if you give me what I want!”

“It's not nice to hurt a lady.” A boy jumped down. He had dark, choppy hair but I couldn’t see his eyes. In his back pocket, he started to pull out what looked like a kitchen knife.

“Hehe… and who the hell are you kid?” the stranger asked.

“I’m the prince and future king!” The boy's red eyes shot up at us “Prince Amane and I demand you let this girl go!”

The strange back way from your figure, a scared expression on his face.

“Whatever man! You're crazy!!” He yelled before running out of the alley. The ‘prince’ approached you and smiled.

“I hope he didn’t do anything too bad to you” He softly spoke, putting out a hand for you to grab which you accepted. You studied his facial features and he laughed.

“Checking me out already I see~” He cooed and you blushed.

“N-no! I’m just making sure you are the prince and not some random homeless guy!” You said flustered.

“Haha, I’m just teasing… and I am the prince, isn’t it obvious?” He smirked. You looked at his clothes which were basically glowing.

“I’ll walk you home.” He pulled you out of the alley.

“Okay…”

I turned to Amane and he was looking up at the moon with a soft smile on his face.

“Uhm… do you like the stars..?” You asked.

“I do, I love them so much. They are really a great escape from reality.” He looked at you momentarily before looking back up.

“Escape?”

“Yeah… you know I’m becoming king soon… My parents have been really strict with me about becoming a king and all…” He trailed off into a small rant “It's just stressful sometimes, I don't want to be a king but everyone expects me too.” Your eyes softened looking at the boy.

“I think you will be a great king some day!” You smiled.

He turned to you and his face flushed slightly.

“I-I shouldn’t rant!” He nervously chuckled looking back up. “The moon is beautiful tonight...”

Soon you two approached your house.

“This is my stop Amane!” You smiled and turned to the boy. “And… I think you will be a great king! King of the stars and moon! I think you will do great! I believe in you King Amane Yugi!”

His cheeks turned warm as he heard you.

“Thank you… it really does mean a lot…”

“Of course, I should be going inside now. Thanks for earlier-” You were interrupted when he grabbed your wrist. A grin formed on his lips and he broke the distance and kissed your cheek. Your face turned 50 shades red.

“A good luck charm for you~” He chuckled at your flustered form.

“H-huh?!?!” He let go of your arm and waved to you.

“By Y/n! I know we will see each other very soon~” He said before vanishing.

‘Wait… how did he know my name..?’

You looked up at the bright sun and squinted your eyes. Your feet were tired. You are currently running to the marketplace with your best friend, Yashiro. Well, more like she was dragging you.

“Come on y/n!!! Prince Teru doesn’t go out too often to go shopping!!” The creamed haired girl squealed. She had a bit of a crush on the prince… well I mean of course, who wouldn’t want to be a princess. I almost fell on my face when she started to pick up the pace.

“Slow down Nene!” You yelled at her “He’s going to be here for a while, it won't matter if we are a couple minutes late!”

“I know but I want to look at his beautiful face as long as I can!”

‘Simp…’ You thought and puffed your cheeks. Yashiro suddenly stopped which caused you to almost fall backward.

“There he is!!” Hearts filled her eyes. You looked to see the blond haired boy surrounded by a couple knights and a small swarm of people.

“Why does Teru even want to go to the marketplace..?” You asked and Yashiro put her hand to your mouth.

“Fanservice!” She looked at you seriously causing you to sweetdrop. You looked at the blond boy and watched his figure as he looked through different stands. Every once and a while he would slip something in his bag and pay the owner of the small shack. For a brief second he looked over to you and made eye contact. You couldn’t help but blush and he chuckled and turned back to what he was doing.

“Let's get closer!” Yashiro grabbed your hand and started running again.

“N-Nene-!” You started but was interrupted when someone abruptly bumped your shoulder causing you to fall.

“ACK- Ow!” You rubbed the back of your head and everything went silent. All you heard was small murmuring. In confusion, you looked up to see a small crowd around you.

“Are you okay?” A majestic voice asked. You looked up to see the one and only prince Teru with his hand out for you to grab.

“A-ah! Yea, I’m fine..!” Your cheeks slightly turned red due to the embarrassment but you stuck out your hand for him to take. He pulled you up with a firm but gentle grip. You looked down at his hand, it felt warm and soft.

“Well, that’s good.” He chuckled. “Are you here with anybody?”

“I a-am actually… with my friend Yashiro…” You looked over to see Nene with a red face and stars in her eyes.

“Oh well then, I’ll let you get going now. Bye!” He waved and continued on.

‘Did you just talk to a prince?!!?!” You shouted in your head. Before you could think anymore, you felt someone shake you.

“Y/N YOU TALKED TO TERU!!! PRINCE TERU!!! WHAT DID HIS EYES LOOK LIKE?! WHAT DID HIS HANDS FEEL LIKE!? TELL ME!!”

“Lavender and the ocean…” You said in a daze.

“LAVENDER AND THE OCEAN?!?!”

Once Teru finished his monthly market shopping, Yashiro was finally ready to leave. You went home and changed into a more comfy outfit. You opened your balcony and breathed in the fresh air. You heard rustling and looked down to the noise. You started to back up until a figure emerged from the shadows. You were about to run back inside until you started to recognize him.

“Hey.” The prince looked up at your balcony.

“U-uhm… hi..?” You looked down “You want me to let you in!?”

“Oh I can come in!” He smiled brightly.

“Yeah! Let me get the door-” You were interrupted when a line of red beads acted like a hook landing next to you. The prince used these beads to climb up to the balcony.

“Y/n, right?”

“Yeah! And you are Prince Teru!” He laughed when you said prince. He took his red beads and they turned into a bracelet around his wrist.

“WOAH! How did you do that?!?!” You gasped, grabbing his wrist and examining it.

“Magic.”

“Magic?!”

He laughed.

“You are very interesting y/n…” He looked into your eyes. Before you could say anything else, you heard a knock on your door. You turned to see your mom opening the door and Teru leaning on a wall not wanting to get caught. You turned to him and he had one finger over his mouth.

“Y/n, who are you talking too?” Your mother opened the door.

“Oh! Uhm, no one!” You nervously smiled.

“Alright… But if it's one of those imaginable men again…” She sighed and closed the door.

“EXCUSE ME?!!?” I blushed hard “I DON'T HAVE IMAGINABLE MEN! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!” You heard Teru laugh which made you face him.

“Hey, a young lady shouldnt be inviting boys in her house if her parents don’t know about them…” Teru smirked, causing you to blush hard.

“E-excuse me! I’m not the one who put my finger up to my mouth telling me to keep it a secret!” You pointed at him and he laughed.

“I’m joking. I would never hurt you, I swear.” He walked closer to you. You felt comfortable around him. You two spent the night chatting and laughing. It’s been around one hour and Teru looks up at the moon.

“It's about time I get going…” He started to take off his red bracelet and tied it around the balcony. You were kind of sad when he said he was going to leave.

“Oh… will I see you again..?” You watched him go down. He stopped and looked up at you.

“I’ll be here tomorrow night. Same time. Kay?”

“O-Okay! See you tomorrow!”

Did you seriously meet the prince?

You walked around the village as you looked through all the stands. You hummed to yourself as your dress flowed in the wind. You stopped when you heard screaming from one of the booths.

“Stop!! Thief!!” The owner screamed as he tried to chase after a boy. He was wearing a hood so you didn’t get a good look at his face. Before you know it, you made eye contact with the hooded boy and he ran behind you.

“Do you know this thief?!” The guy asked before glaring down at the boy. Even though he was wearing a hood, you could see his visible grin. 

“U-uh- no sir! But what did he take..?” You asked.

“He stole an apple and pear from my shack!”

‘All this fuss over an apple and pear..?’ You thought as you sighed. You pulled out two coins from your bag and gave it to the man.

“That looks like it covers it… keep the change.” You grabbed the boy's hand and sped away. 

You glanced at the boy who still had a grin on his face. Before you knew it he started running and he was dragging you.

“W-wait!” You shouted at him. Who the hell is this guy..?

He turned the corner into an isolated area and let go of your wrist.

“Hey! You know I did pay for your shenanigans!” You pulled his hood down to see a boy with choppy hair and golden eyes. He chuckled and leaned in closer to your face. He looked familiar but you didn’t know where from.

“Thanks for that by the way~” He hummed.

“Yeah whatever..!” You backed up, creating distance between the two of you.

“I’m Tsukasa Yugi! Prince Tsukasa Yugi!” He smiled.

“Wait, the prince?!” I pointed to him “Why the hell would a prince steal?!”  

“I just wanted to see what he would do it I took some of his stuff”

‘Wow… he seems nice…’ You thought.

“You can take the apple and pear though! I don’t really need them.” He handed you the fruit.

“EH- you steal it but you won’t take it?” You scoffed. “Aren’t you afraid of getting caught? You are a prince”

“Yeah but everyone looks at Amane, I can do whatever I want and get away with it~!” 

“I feel bad for Amane then…”

“I got an idea!” He looked at you. “We should run away together! It would be great!” 

“Excuse me…” I glared at him. 

“Well that's what I was already doing, I was running away but no one in the castel noticed yet. We should run away, just you and me!”

“I didn’t even know you that long… I can’t just run away! I have a life, a family!”

“Oh…” He trailed off “Well I do hope you change your mind! I’ll come visit you again~!” 

“Wait- visit me?!” You asked but he ran out of the alley way.

“Thank you beautiful girl~!” He smiled, turning to you one last time before running off with an apple in his hand.

“Did he take the apple-” I looked down to just see the pear.

‘Oh this guy…’ I sighed ‘I’ll definitely see him again.’

Part two

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

[gift-of-orzhova]

Favorite Music 2020

As usual I made a playlist with my top 10 favorite songs, you can find that here. I’ll also be linking each song or album as I go. It was a weird year but at least there was some good music to help us through.

Favorite Album The Grand Mirage - Robotaki I’ve been a Robotaki fan for a bit now, he’s previously released some EPs which I enjoyed, but this is his first album, and there are a lot of stand out songs. His production has a lot of fun texture to it, although a lot may fall into the future bass / pop genres, his sound is very distinct. His style is jazz inspired melodies with clean drums and just the right amount of crunch dropped into the mix. The album has a great diversity in the tracks from the future bass instrumentals to more straight forward pop and hip hop tracks. The album feels very organic, and not just in the instrumentation but also in the delivery, There’s no force here, just flow. Can’t wait to hear what he has in store for us next, and also to go see him live (again) when he is able to tour for this album.

Favorite EP ALL OUT - K/DA I want to preface this pick by saying that I hate Riot as a company and refuse to play League of Legends. But man there is something so cool about the premise of “league characters made a kpop group” and holy shit does the Riot music department knock it out of the park. Two years ago when POP/STARS came out I remember being an instant fan. I always hoped they would do more (pun intended), but didnt know if or when that might happen. Apparently this year was the answer. This EPs production is clean as hell, and the K/DA sound font is probably one of my favorites. Although I did have to warm up to this EP a little, I found myself playing it on repeat for a couple weeks. I think some of the lyrics feel a little forced, or maybe like they’re trying to hard to be hip but I also this it works really well. Looking past the facade of league characters, I think it’s also worth noting that the vocal performances across this album are incredible. Props to everyone involved. I’ll talk about the music video later.

Other Notable Albums and EPs The Making of a Paracosm - Kasbo Kasbo is back at it again. Great album, although I found myself liking the first half the album a lot more than the second half. There’s a couple songs on here I dont really vibe with, but there’s also some seriously incredible ones. I overall like Places We Don’t Know better, this album still definitely deserves some recognition. Pure - Glacci Glacci is so underrated. He makes this super energetic UK garage kinda stuff. The sound is super unique and I really love it. I’ll never get tired of that lead and the catchy melodies it plays. Moon Tear - Raito My favorite techno to come out this year for sure. Raito is just so good. Techno had a lot of good stuff this year from Raito, i_o, and Calvin Harris so this was a close call. Brave - Joyryde I always love hearing the combination of hip hop and edm. Joyryde really set the standard with this album, and I hope there is more at some point in time. If you like this one definitely check out the new UZ album as well. Dreamland - Glass Animals Really great pop album. The lyric “big dicks and bigger titties on the side” is honestly just a whole mood. AM 444 - i_o, Lights I felt the need to include this one in particular. i_o had some good releases this year with this one and revolution being my favorites. Wish I would be able to hear more of him in the future. This goes without saying I think but if you ever feel suicidal please talk to someone. And please check in on your friends from time to time, you never know what they’re struggling with. Rest in peace friend, I’ll always love your music.

Top 10 Songs 1. Holding On - Dabin This one came out right at the beginning of the year, not too long after he released an album. Caught me a little by surprise, I actually felt hesitant to listen at first because his album left such a sour taste in my mouth (even though I really liked some of the songs on it). But damn am I glad I checked it out. Played this song on repeat for like 2 weeks (including a trip to NYC early on in the year where this song was the only thing I played on the entire drive lmao). Can never go wrong with huge melodic chords and a good female vocal.

2. Something Comforting - Porter Robinson Oh man I am excited for Nurture to be released. I wasn’t huge on Get Your Wish (it did grow on me though), but this song fucking slaps. I love this shit. Can’t wait to go to the first Porter show within 300 miles of me after vaccines are widely distributed and shows start back up.

3. MORE - K/DA This is one of those songs where I feel like you have to talk about the music video with it or you are missing a big piece of the work. And holy shit the music video is fucking sick. They must have spent the whole fucking budget on this video. The animation is so good, the aesthetic was absolutely nailed. Pair this with a catchy song with clean production and there you go.

4. No More (Devault Remix) - DJ Snake, Devault Holy fuck Devault, this shit slaps

5. Limitless - Glacci My favorite Glacci song this year wasnt even from his album, it was from a random 2 song EP he dropped. Anyway this song is just super fun.

6. Play Pretend - Kasbo The first single from the album and also my favorite song from it, although Shut the World Out is a very close second. This song makes me happy.

7. Hollow Tips - Effin Sable Valley is such a good label, they just consistently have the best new trap music around. This is not the song off their Summer Vol. 1 I thought I was going to be obsessed with but with the amount of quality music they released I shouldnt be surprised it’d be something brand new.

8. Something From Nothing - Robotaki This song is so good, the long instrumental part at the end makes me transcend every time.

9. 1000 Miles - Machinedrum, Sub Focus I really need to listen to more liquid dnb. This song and Get Through by Rameses B are really good and I need to find more stuff like them.

10. Can’t get you out of my mind - Dreamcatcher This song sounds like a classic from 2005 but it actually came out this year and it’s so good. I have distinct memories of jumping around my apartment at 3 am listening to this song.

That’s all for this year, but if you like these pics and want more of the stuff I really like, here is another playlist that I fill with all of my favs. Here’s to a good 2021 for music.

[balenciagastones]

Now he's even more scared because of System of a down 😭😂 in my defence I listen to everything, I've been streaming new Taylor Swift album since it came out. I just like balance

nah system of a down goes hard when you’re in the right mood, i listen to everything too like most of my childhood i listened to rock and pop punk and i think that’s where my music taste goes a lot of the time but idk why people hate it when you say that so i never really talk about that sort of music ahahaha, i make the best pop punk playlists you’ll ever hear but also i listen to a lot of grime and rap and some mainstream music idk im not fussy, IDK HOW WE GOT HERE BUT WE SHOULDNT HAVE TO JUSTIFY WHAT WE LISTEN TO you do you anon xx

[bioticbutt]

tagging: i’m tagging all of the beautiful people who i am seeing in my notes a ton. love you all and i appreciate you guys so much!! if you see this on your dash and want to do it, send me a message and I can add you to the tags. for now I’ll tag @indecipherable-sylph @tyvani @lyriumrain @filthy-rat @bear-montana @t-oastybreads @offbrandotters @sparatus @cullensbooty @skulllflower @healerlesbian @maternalcube @estheirn @thatmetalbenderlinbeifong @stillnotgoodatthis there are SO MANY more of you and I cannot fully express how deeply grateful i am seeing you guys ���� 💖 💖

—————

tagged by: @cmndrnimthiriel​ 💖 thanks for the tag!

Nicknames: don’t really have any except when my bf and his family write my name in their alphabet rather than english’s

Zodiac Sign: aquarius 

Height: 152.4cm 

The last thing I googled: “printer’s row chicago crime map” - i’m apartment hunting :)

Favorite musicians: i really have a hard time narrowing down because i just listen to so many different things, but like all time is hayley kiyoko, queen, panic!, sara bareilles, bastille, and a few more I can’t think of in the moment.

Following: 403

Followers: 1206 💖 💖

Do you get asks: not anymore. i used to get a few here and there, but i went inactive for a while and just lurked.

Amount of sleep: my body has decided to have an extremely regular sleep schedule of getting exhausted at exactly 2255 and waking up in the morning at 836. like spot on for the last couple months. 

Lucky number: don’t have one

What you’re wearing: a grey tank top and black exercise spandex

Dream job: my absolute dream would be something like a dog photographer or travel photographer or just something like that, but I still love what I do and it’s more than I could’ve ever asked for.

Dream trip: right now my bf and I are actually planning our dream trip. we want to visit his parents in Moscow, and then travel around Europe and Oceanic areas.

Languages: english, german, and I’m learning russian (bf is russian and his parents dont really speak any english, so I’m trying to learn so I can speak with them. plus he moved to america and learned english, why shouldnt I learn Russian?  💖)

Favorite songs: this really depends on what i haven’t burnt out on in the moment. like there are some classics that I love like bohemian rhapsody, can’t help falling in love, fly me to the moon, and some newer ones that are generally good. i’m obsessed with death of a bachelor and hallelujah from panic! 

Random fact: garlic legitimately makes me sick, my mouth swell/tingle, and I overall hate the taste

Aesthetic: comfortable! like baggy clothes, long sleeves that go just beyond the fingertips while holding a hot cup of cocoa- looking out into green trees/nature/whatever as it’s raining. waterfalls and rivers. the texture of bark on a tree. waves and currents. laying on your back watching the stars at night. all that and more

—————

R U L E S: put your playlist on shuffle, and put down the first 10 songs that play (i like never share my music so this is my first time showing you guys my playlist lol)

im a mess - bebe rexha

stand by me - ben e king

everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears

hallelujah - panic! at the disco

under the boardwalk - the drifters

pilot with a fear of heights - felicity

love on the brain - rihanna

your song - elton john

can’t help falling in love - elvis presley

black horse and a cherry tree - kt tunstall

[theradicalace]

5. i dare you to answer all of the risky asks in one post

thank you anon i really wanted to expose myself and thats not even sarcasm

risky asks

1. “@” people you want to be friends with

answered here

2. screenshot the tabs you have open

yes, i’m aware how having five tabs of my own blog open looks. yes, i know i have a lot of tabs open. this is actually pretty tame for me

3. the last text you sent to someone?

“hey can you come pick me up from gsa? this meeting really flopped and only like 3 other people showed up, but its too hot to walk home” 

sent to my mom. the final gsa meeting of the year was meant to be a party, but nobody showed, and nobody brought food. it was kicking up my anxiety and i really wanted to go home, but my moms phone was on silent or something, and i wasnt tryna get heat stroke

4. do you have a nsfw blog?

no. i used to run two when i was thirteen and in a bad place, and didnt really think it through, but after about two years, i realized that hey, maybe i, a minor, shouldnt have nsfw blogs. i might pick em back up when im 18 tho.

5. i dare you to _____

(thats this ask lmao) 

6. screenshot the first page of your search history

i forgot how to get to my history lmao. anyway the first page was insanely long, because i have youtube open in the background autoplaying a playlist at all times, so i just screenshotted what fit on the screen without scrolling

7. tell an embarrassing memory or story

i cant actually think of any right now! ill reblog this if i remember/find any, but the only thing i can remember is when i had a huge mental breakdown over something that turned out to not be a big deal. 

8. how often do you take showers?

whenever i remember to, which can range from every day, to every few days. i’ll start feeling gross after that tho, so its never much longer.

9.  what was your first blog URL?

answered here

10. if you draw or write, show some of your really old work

i dont have access to any of my oldest drawings from my youtuber phase unfortunately, nor any of my old unfinished fics from my MLP phase, because i impulse deleted all of them.

there is this old thing tho

and this is my first really genuine, serious fic.

REALLY risky asks (watch out!!! super Risky)

1. if you had to hug anyone who would you hug

answered here

2. whats your favorite flavor of ice cream?

did you know reeses peanut butter cup ice cream exists? thats my favorite. other than that, i like cookies and cream!

3. whats your favorite color?

idk, i just like colors! i prefer bright ones tho!

4. if you have pets, what are their names?

a cat named russel! and a gecko named spider! and a huge assortment of spiders who i cant be bothered to list the names of. also an aquarium of fish

5. do you like a warm bed or a cold bed?

cold bed, with lots of blankets

6. whats a really good memory you have?

actually really recently i reconnected with a friend of mine! im very happy. we watched ducktales together recently and it was good

7. favorite song you cant stop listening to?

uhhhhhh all songs? i just like music

8. do you drink water with or without ice in it?

answered here

9. do you like to use correct grammar when you type or just type all lowercase?

it depends on the scenario! if its casual? lowercase, relaxed grammar. if its formal, like an essay or a quora answer or something? proper grammar

10. whats something thats made you laugh recently?

this

[sorryiexistbleh]

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

https://youtu.be/XONCO6dhh1I

we wait on motivation too much its completely irrelevant the doubts, the worries, the feeling of i dont wanna do this today when it comes to our goals when it comes to our dreams , we allow our spirit to override all that complacency, because were about to build the life that we want   °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

when we wanna live the life we love and love the life we live

our feelings will be irrelevant, how many times have we convinced ourselves were not in the mood

we let our feelings become fact

   °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

sit and think

how will u feel if u dont do that thing

how will u feel if u do accomplish it

^ then follow that feeling then simplify it

get rid of the mountain

take it step by step

realize i may have been distracted , procrastinating but i am not listening to my feelings keeping me

because i am lead by the spirit not by the flesh

begin turning it up a notch in your belief ,  in your consistency , in your discipline  take it step by step 

  °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .• applying this mindset as an artist

take a step (simply getting up , if ur an artist like me scribbling )

take another step (drawing shapes circles wondering what ur mind could be on play some music u like get in a vibe)

one more step then motivation kicks in (more than jus shapes u start seeing where ur going with some of this)

inspiration kicks in

turning it up a notch in my belief,i look for what i want this piece to say or if i want it to say anything at all maybe jus be smth silly that makes me smile

turning it up a notch in my consistency, i see social media stressed me out made me feel like i couldnt draw or paint or be the artist i am unless it was for that when its always been for me i delete social medias stressing me and say i can do this whenever however i want and feel it in my soul even if its jus a silly catgirl who cares its mine

turning it up a notch in my discipline,

i wont let this become something i cant enjoy doesn't matter how bad i do one some days i will not be discouraged , ive got my coffee and my music and my cozy environment all i need i dont need perfection thats not the purpose of my art and my art isnt my only purpose if i mess up or cant draw exactly what i see thats okay as long as i got up i sat at my desk and let myself feel and create the way i know i can , im alright

  °:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

simply applying this mindset to my life

take a step

(simply getting up , grabbing some water or coffee  )

take another step (starting my morning routine with some music i enjoy )

one more step then motivation kicks in (journaling my to-dos, goals and priorities for the day putting things i enjoy in each thing so i dont need to dread whats next )

inspiration kicks in turning it up a notch in my belief, i can read the word how can i apply this to my life how can i let this lead me throughout my day ( having a study plan) writing it down even if its not something i can absorb right now i can have it for later,  turning it up a notch in my consistency, having routines not things i dread but things i need and enjoy , see what things stress me out the most figure out why, keeping having a coffee and a playlist i love playing in my ears or the background as i go through my day 

turning it up a notch in my discipline, im not gonna let the alarm in morning become something i cant jus go okay and get up and start my day because i know well my favorite songs abt to start playing, soon i’ll get on the phone with the person i love wish him a good day at work , im gonna have a cup coffee do my morning routine and be awake and alive in the morning because   what should stop me ? most certainly shouldnt be me 

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

notes, thoughts and engaging with how this video made me feel and wanna improve my mindset as an artist and a person  how you feel is irrelevant

[heartbreakrecord]

You. Are My World.

This is why. You are my world.  Your beautiful eyes draw my soul to you, you are my happy place... Just one word, one sentence from you... makes and/or breaks my entire world.  I love you.

===================================

I'm awake right now because I cant sleep. I dont want to talk to anyone else but you. I was listening to Spotifiy's New Year's 2022 playlist, and while most of it was fire, I heard a whitney houston song, so I started listening to her, which then reminded me of amy winehouse, and I have not listened to her since before I got beat up, because she died the night that I got beat up, and I used to love her, and in my hair school days, I tried to do my make up like her and  my hair, lol. But anyway, in a wierd way, its like a part of me died that night. so anyway, im sitting here, 10 years later, after the fact, and i have a million memories of a million things that have happened, that should have happened, and im just thinking. Like, it just should have been you all along. Anyway, i have not convinced myself to listen to amy winehouse yet, but the thought of her made me stop dancing in my seat and having a tiny mini party for myself at 2:16 in the morning for no particular reason other than i cant make my brain stop and I cant stop thinking about you, and I havent been able to since i told you that I wanted to date *****, and like, thats the thing. I dont know. Im probably just like making no sense at all. But i just wanna be honest, ya know? i just wanna be me, ya know? i dont feel like I get super real about who I am a lot. idk, maybe i do. maybe i just wear it on my sleeve and I dont even have a fucking clue and I just think i dont. but i do know that most of the time, i dont want people to know my emotions, because if they did i think i would feel a lot more vulnerable, and I think i have this weird fear that maybe people might also feel sorry for me? ok, now im really probably making no sense. anyway, since i started this melancholy thought process in my head about amy winehouse and how she is some super sad metaphor for my life, I started listening to Pentatonix. I dont know if you know who they are or not, but I used to listen to them all the time when willow was a baby, because she cried all the time, and they just made me feel so peaceful. They sing acapela. idk if i spelled that right, lol, but you know, they sing without music in the background. and some of their stuff is seriously just so moving. Anyway, im just sitting here, thinking about what im just now writing to you about, and im thinking about you and Im thinking about me and you, and how I want the next 5 years of my life to just pass by so quickly, so I can get past all the hurt and pain and school and hard shit, and just be with you. Like, i know i shouldnt, because its suuuuper easy to trap myself in this super picture perfect place, where our life together just looks so fucking perfect. And we're laughing and cuddling and matching all over the place and its so perfect and cute everyone else looking in just wants to vomit. i know you know exactly what I mean. Anyway, like, i heard this song. and I've heard it by a million fifty different artists, but this time, this time it got me. like seriously made me blubber, because you. because im so fucking in love with you that i cant see straight and im so fucked up by it.

So now, im blubbering, because you keep asking me why you break me. and you keep asking me why i love you. you keep asking me why i fell in love with you. And ive been a little bit upset with myself that i dont have a better answer than i've had for you. and tonight after I hung up with you, i had a really good and really long conversation with my mom about you. and about everything. and ofc I cried, because im aparently just a crying blubbering mess of stupid fucking love lol. but she asked me, "why do you keep talking to *****?" and she was very adamant, and very intense. and seriously, i just took a deep breath, and sat down on the couch next to her, and big tears came up in my eyes, and I said, "because he is the love of my life. and I dont think i've ever loved anyone, because of how ***** makes me feel." and she just grabbed me and gave me a giant mama hug and let me cry it out. so now, im going to tell you why I fell in love with you, because i think i have self reflected enough to be able to tell you this without reserve, and without holding anything back. so I hope you are ready for the real unadulterated answer. because it might be intense for you.

You are the first person (when I say person, i mean it. I dont mean "guy," i mean "person.") that has ever just looked me square in the eye and told me my worth even when I didnt believe it. even when I looked in the mirror and didnt see what you saw. Even when everyone around me thought I was moving mountains, and I thought i was letting them move me. You are the first person (other than my mother, f course) that looked at me and told me that Im beautiful. boyfriends, even my ex husband, i cant ever remember them saying that to me. There was always some "but" to it. my hiar was too big. I was too pale. Too loud. My dreams were too big. I was too much of a person. So many things. ***** used to tell me (and he was not the first person to say it) that so many people think im too much, i need to work on being quiet.

You are the first person that saw me. Im goofy and silly and nerdy and i like to play video games yeah, but you are the first person that saw me. Like, actually saw ***** and not *****. and I dont mean that in like a video game way. I mean that in real life. so many people just think im fun and shallow and whatever. but you saw me. really. You are the first person that saw my potential when you looked at me. you didnt just see a pretty face or someone who could do something for you. you saw potential when you looked at me. You are the first person that looked at me and saw that im worth it.

That is why I love you. That is why you are the love of my life. That is why I am so deeply, head over fucking heals, crazy in love with you, and I cannot rest, i will not rest, i cant be anywhere else other than with you. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I want to spend my forever braided into your forever.

i know that i said i wanted to take a shot with *****. bit ***** is not the love of my life, and I know that. he is not you. he cannot ever give me what you give me. he cannot ever see me like you see me

*****, i am yours. my heart is yours. i want to wake up next to your face every day and never ever get tired of it. I want to give you goodnight kisses and never ever get tired of it.

Im going to stop typing. because Ive written you so much shit, you're going to have to take an hour long shit to read it all. lol. i love you with my whole heart. its yours. i am yours. i want to be yours.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

[deliciouskook-blog]

We don’t talk anymore (Jikook Cover) Scenario  Jungkook x Reader

Hello guys

This is my first Tumblr post and first fanfiction inspired by the beautiful cover released by JUNGKOOOK&JIMINNN 'We don't talk anymore'. I know Jungkook has done the cover alone before but I think this version is more powerful and made me feel things as many of you would probably relate and Jimin's sweet voice is everything I love him so much..... I'm in tears rn :'(

Anyways so when i heard this song i just grabbed my lapotp and typed this, its raw and not proofread and was literally just me blabbering cos of the feels i got from the cover and so i imagined a really sad relationship. I hope you enjoy it!!

I don't know if anyone's going to even read this but my friend told me to post it anyway so if you like it please give me some love!!! I accept requests <3 and would probably write better if i wasnt so emo ahhahahahahahahhaha (i shouldnt lie to myself ill never stop feeling emo while stanning bts)

Word count: 1.9k

Y/N POV

It’s been a long time since you felt the spark that initially ignited your relationship, you always had to put your 100% and felt like it was dying anyway, there was nothing that can be done to save it and that’s when you thought it was time to start seeing someone else and move on.

You called him a day before you decided to forget the hell that you have been through because of him but like all the previous calls that turned to voicemail this time was no different.

It was the familiar female voice again ‘the mobile number you have called is not available...’

You felt ashamed that he has put you through this and hurt your pride, because no matter how much you called he just wont answer.

Y/N: ‘jungkook I need to speak to you’ – delivered at 10:31 pm

‘please just answer the phone..’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

‘jungkook’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

but nothing

5 minutes later… the messages were checked as ‘opened’

So she decided to call again but there was no answer.

Jungkook: ‘I wish you could stop calling me at night you know im at practice’ ‘I wont answer I’m working so good night’ – opened at 10:40 pm

Y/N: ‘why are you like this?’ ‘whats wrong?’ – opened at 10:41 pm

Jungkook: ‘nothing is wrong’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Y/N: ‘don’t lie to me can you please call me back after practice?’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Jungkook: ‘yeah.. later’ – opened at 10:45 pm

You stayed up all night waiting for his call it was an agonisingly slow night but you waited for him to call you like a fool anyway. 3AM came around and still no call. He never practices this late.

So you decided to call one more time. And unexpectedly there was an answer.

‘hello? Jungkook?’

silence

‘yeah… wussup’

he sounded drunk and you were speechless…

‘werent you at practice? Why are you drunk’

‘im not drunk’

‘well okay then what are you’

‘im jungkook’

no shit

‘ok jungkook we need to talk but I cant talk to you if your drunk’

‘youre already talking so carry on… what is this 39 missed calls all about’

‘where are you, can I see you? and if you answered the first call there wouldn’t be 39’

‘no im going home now so just say what you want’

‘okay… I just don’t think this is going to work out between us’

silence

‘jungkook’

then he laughed sarcastically

‘are you breaking up with me?’

‘yeah I jus-‘

‘okay then’

‘jungkook I need to tell you why’

‘I don’t.. think I care…’

= call ended=

Jungkook woke up with a severe headache. The time was already 2 past noon and he had no idea what hes done the night before but all he could remember was drinking so much.

The truth is he didn’t know why he drank so much in fact he didn’t know why he gave up doing anything besides work the past few month, he knew his relationship with you was dying slowly and he knew It was his fault but the Wings tour and his musical career was eating him and was far more important, at least in the company and BTS’ eyes.

He thought that you could wait for him but his career cant, he knew it was selfish and hard but he had no other choice and he didn’t know better, because he was only 19 and he could only handle so much.

You woke up around the same time, you didn’t get time to sleep at all from crying over the ended phone call, you knew it would be hard but you had to move on. You knew you didn’t deserve him and that made your relationship rocky at first, but as jungkook told you he loved you repeatedly, you slowly gained confidence and learnt to love yourself too but that all came crashing down because he clearly doesn’t love you anymore.

You knew the only way you would get over him is erasing him completely from your life which included blocking his phone number, for his own good you knew he was a good guy and probably would try to befriend you after these 3 years but you couldn’t handle seeing him as not yours, but just a friend. You took out your phone and as you unlocked it, you saw the selfie you had at their last date together and couldn’t help but cry even more because all that has to go too.

= 3 months passes by=

Authors PV

As you slowly learnt how to live life from scratch, Y/N served another caramel late to who seemed to be a distressed customer. She had quit her old job which was close to big hit’s main building and decided on a new beginning.

Within these 3 months she had met a guy who’s a regular at the café named Zico, he would throw way too many compliments about the coffee than one would give but she found it cute as at least for what seemed like years, she’s started to receive the attention she craved… but she cant help but think of jungkook whenever she sees him wishing that he would be the one who would give her these compliments and taste coffee that she only recently learnt to master but obviously that life doesn’t exist anymore.

But as she is in south korea, bts are increasingly becoming a hot topic and their songs were played everywhere as if her memories of him weren’t enough reminder.

Slowly Y/N got to know Zico even more, and naturally they dated. She couldn’t deny how good he treats her, maybe its because it’s a new relationship but he was there when she texted and even called her when she didn’t turn up for work because she was sick. He showed that he cares. Jungkook didn’t.

On a fated evening, when the new couple chose to walk next to the Han river a familiar figure stood on the way walking with what seemed another familiar figure but she chose to ignore it and continue walking holding hands with her new lover.

What Y/N dont know is jungkook has been growing crazy the last 3 months, he had tried to reach you so many times, he doesn’t remember the phone call that night and he thought that you ended the relationship alone and hasn’t decided to even talk it with him. He missed you so much and every day he realised how much of it was his fault, it was his fault that you had left your old job, your neighbourhood, changed your number and disappeared. He wished you were happy but deep down he hoped like himself that you weren’t able to forget him.

Then he saw you walking, he looked at jimin who was trying to distract him from the sight that he has also seen. Jungkook felt angry and tried to contain himself, but soon after he was washed with feelings of sadness and regret, deciding to walk up to you anyway.

‘Y/N ?’

you looked at him with surprised eyes, which Zico has returned to you in confusion.

‘can you give me a minute?’ you said to Zico who nodded and walked away

‘you look well’ you said to him

‘is that all you have to say to me’ he said to you with tears in his eyes

‘I don’t remember you wanting me to say anything at all… but say what?’ you replied returning a hurt face.

‘why you left me like this’ he said looking down knowing exactly what you left but he had to hear you say it

‘you didn’t want to hear it.. remember?’ you said to him as you laughed away your tears

‘what are you talking about?’ he asked you

‘you said to me you didn’t want to hear it, remember you were kind of drunk actually but I knew if I didn’t tell you right there and then, you would never pick up’ you admitted

‘you couldve texted me at least’ he said defeated

‘you don’t even reply anyway… I need to go’ you walked away

then he watched you combining your hands with your new lover as you continue walking. Jungkook went back to the company’s building with Jimin who tried to comfort him, he saw the pain that Jungkook went through the past few months, but he couldn’t deny that he was the one who screwed it up for himself.

Jungkook entered the studio where he was meant to record aimlessly, he always overworked himself when he was feeling lonely or sad and today he was broken. He scrolled down his Spotify playlist and encountered a song named ‘We don’t talk anymore – By Charlie Puth’, it was always there but he never really bothered to listen to it, but tonight he tapped ‘PLAY’.

By the end of the song he was sobbing, he remembered how much he wanted to come back to you when he had a day full of schedule, he expected you to be there texting him sweet words when he couldn’t make it to dates because he couldn’t perfect his practice, celebrate happy occasions with you but there must be a good reason that she left him he thought laughing to himself as he related to the lyrics of the song. He was so drawn to the song that he decided to cover it hoping that the fans would like it too, but more importantly as a message to his gone girl.

=3 weeks forward=

‘Did you hear the songs Jungkook released this month’ said a co-worker to the other ‘No no what is it called? Put it on’ the other one replied

They played the cover that the entire of nation of Korea has been obsessing over, and for the first time the you heard it. And you felt as if you were shot in the heart. You could hear the sincerity in his voice and realised how the hell did things come this far, because you couldn’t imagine your life without him no matter what.

‘I need to go somewhere can you cover for me please? you said to one of the coworkers and ran outside the café to big hit, cursing yourself for deleting his phone number.

And as you ran to the building you asked the familiar security who still remembers you if jungkook can be called down.

You felt like life at that moment was like a ticking bomb and you needed to tell him whatever you were feeling at that moment, you’ll probably regret it but at this moment you didn’t care.

But it was too late as you saw him walking down the stairs with another girl’s hand around his. You felt like you were shot a second time, this time earning a much severe injury. You laughed at the thoughts you had, the he sang this for you – it might’ve had no meaning at all. With tears running down your cheeks you ran before he could notice you catching a TAXI, but he did see you and realised that you came back. Jungkook let go of the girl’s hand to run after you but it was too late… he watched the TAXI drive off.

Many tears were shed that day.