#i should’ve posted this like two weeks ago but i’ve been busy and stressed so 😭

[saturngalore]

folasade 🌿

earlier this month, @yuyulie and i released our “folasade collection” as a collab for black history month! i’m still so proud of what we made and forever grateful to work with the amazing and super talented yuyulie! check out my side here and yuyulie’s here if you haven’t already! <3

[nose-bandaid]

the moon told me so ☾~

Wonwoo x (gender neutral) Reader | soulmate AU angst | 4.5k words

synopsis: in a world where you and your soulmate share a special marking that appears on one’s body at the age of 18 or later. you were wonwoo’s, but wonwoo was no one’s, and you were the fool who didn’t say a word about it. alternatively:

you are in love with jeon wonwoo, but jeon wonwoo isn’t ready to love yet.

a/n: i uh, feel kinda shy posting this lmao but i hope you enjoy:))

sequel: the little flower on your wrist and the epilogue: kairosclerosis

=====

“When are you going to tell him?”

“Tell who?”

Seungkwan sighed and gave you a knowing look. “Wonwoo, who else would I be talking about?”

“I don’t have anything I need to say to him.” You muttered into the warm knitted scarf wrapped around your neck. The snow fell gently around you in large clumps — the kids on your street were sure to be delighted when they wake up to that. It wouldn’t be long before you started seeing snowmen pop up one by one, all with little carrots and hats decorating them, giving them life. However, to you, the snow only added to the weight in your heart. The peaceful, yet lonely atmosphere made you want to curl back into your bed and sleep your sadness away. And then you could hope that maybe when you woke up, all of your problems would be solved.

Yes, that sounded like a much better option, compared to standing around in the cold weather, waiting for a late taxi. But you promised him that you would show up today. As much as you didn’t want to, you weren’t one to break the promises you made. Promises were meant to be kept.

And so, you woke up at a horrid 4 am today and dressed yourself with the best outfit your sluggish mind could think of. All to make sure that you were at the airport on time, just for him.

“Y/n... this might be your last chance. I mean, this is already terribly last minute for you to do so, but we also have no idea when he’ll come back.” Seungkwan’s voice softened when he noticed your stressed demeanour.

“Listen, I know, okay? I’ll tell him today, I’ve been preparing what to say for the past week. I just... I just need to get myself together, that’s all.” The words spilled out of your mouth as you tried to get him to stop nagging.

Before you could get a response, the taxi pulled up in front of you, and you busied yourself with getting a seat in the back while Seungkwan relayed the destination to the driver. He then took a seat in the passenger’s side, leaving you alone in the back with the little present you brought with you by your side.

The whole car ride was silent, minus the soft music that played from the radio — some kind of ambient jazz that only made the atmosphere even more awkward. You fidgeted with the bracelet dangling on your wrist and looked out the window, the yellow beads clinking against each other to add some noise to the silence. The buildings passed by with a blur, and every so often you would come across a location that prompted a treasured memory in you.

The mall that you and Wonwoo would visit almost everyday during middle school. Your parents weren’t the fondest of the idea that you guys were going there so often, but you went either way. There was ice cream to be eaten, game demos to be played, outfits (that you could definitely not afford) to try on, and snacks to be bought.

The arcade that you so daringly visited when you were supposed to be in class. It was Mingyu who had suggested the idea, as a joke, but everyone started getting on board with it and soon you were roped into the adventure too. None of you guys were really the type to skip school, the thought just never visited your mind, and you had other things to worry about. On that day though, you decided to let yourself be just the slightest bit free, and with a little convincing, you got Wonwoo of all people, to come along too.

That day was a blast, the thrill of rebellion, the refreshing taste of freedom, even the stuffiness of the arcade was bearable — your uniform was far too warm for the environment. Miraculously, there was no big punishment for your absence when you returned, just a light scolding, and that simply heightened the excitement of the day. You never pulled such an act ever again, but you most definitely held that memory dear to your heart. Because on that day, Wonwoo’s smiles were almost a thousand times brighter than usual.

Your eyes flickered between the trees that trickled their way into your view, and they steadily grew in numbers to paint a forest in front of you. Though their leaves were barren and their branches were heavy with snow, all you could think of were the lush green forests that surrounded the cottage you visited almost a year ago. The one that you and your friends rented out, the one that housed some of the happiest moments in your life, the one that echoed some of the loudest laughs ever, the one that kept you warm under the cool night, as you snuggled into each other’s arms.

The one that witnessed your life fall apart.

-----

You remembered that dreary day, when Wonwoo pulled you aside from the others and into a little alcove in the forest nearby, a nervous look painted on his face. Your friend group had decided to spend the warm weekend at the cottage to celebrate Wonwoo’s birthday and new soulmate mark. They all insisted that it was tradition to host an all-out celebration for the occasion, despite the boy’s refusals. If they celebrated for the others, they had to celebrate for him as well. 

You were all about to head to the beach for a swim before barbecuing some dinner, the weather was a comfortable mix of the warm sun and the cool breeze. It should’ve been perfect.

Let’s put an emphasis on should’ve.

When you finished changing, before you could catch up to the others who were already dunking themselves into the frigid water, laughter getting lost in the vast forest, Wonwoo stopped you at the front door with a gentle grip on your arm. From the looks of it, he’d been waiting for you for a while.

“Hey y/n... could we talk for a minute?”

And that question brought you to a wooden bench in a small clearing, hidden away from the others’ sight. The sunlight filtered through the leaves above, casting a delicate pattern around you. The air of uneasiness between you two was so contrasting to the mood a few moments ago, that you were immediately filled with worry. The last time you saw Wonwoo, he was laughing his head off with Mingyu and Seokmin over a stupid dad joke that someone made. Now, there was no trace of that former carefree personality.

“Wonwoo what’s up? Is something wrong?”

He bit his lip, clearly deep in thought. “You know how I’m supposed to be getting my mark tomorrow?”

You nodded. “Yeah, that’s why we all came here to celebrate right? Is it too much for you? I can tell the others to cool off on the partying, I know they can be overwhelming.”

“No it’s not that, I don’t mind it. It’s just... I’m honestly not so sure about this whole soulmate thing.” His voice was small and his shoulder tensed as he awaited your response.

“Like, you’re worried about the mark not showing up tomorrow?”

“No, I’m worried that I won’t be able to love my soulmate the way I’m supposed to.” He clarified, a bit firmer now.

Your heart stopped.

“Well,” You you pursed your lips as your mind raced to gather the best way to respond. “You could always just tell them right? That you’re not ready for a relationship, I’m sure they would understand.”

“But what if I’m never ready?” His confidence had suddenly disappeared, and you could feel that he was getting panicky, so you rested a gentle hand on his thigh to calm him down. “That feels so unfair to them. Like I’m going against fate.”

You swallowed back the emotions building up in your throat. You were hoping for the already low chance that he would be your soulmate, that maybe the stars would be in your favour and offer you an easy happy ending of some sort. After all these years together, you felt that there was almost no way that you couldn’t be paired together in some way. But now, even if you were soulmates, Wonwoo had just denied the only possibility for you to get together. Romantically, at least. Which was unfortunately, what you’ve been hoping for all this time.

“You could always just be friends right? There’s some people out there who just decide to be friends and there’s nothing wrong with that. Soulmates aren’t always about romantic love.” It was the best you could offer. You were fine with pushing back your feelings for him if it meant that he’ll be happy with his decision. The last thing you wanted to do was force your love onto him. 

“Yeah but do you really know anyone who’s done that? Y/n, everyone around us started dating their soulmate the moment they found them. They’re going to come to me with that mindset and I’m going to have to shut them down.” He paused. “The person that they’ve been searching for all their lives will be shutting them down. Don’t you think that’s harsh on my part? That I should just suck it up and get together with them?”

“Wonwoo, I can’t speak up on behalf of your soulmate,” You choked back the pitiful laugh building up in your throat. “but if they’re supposed to be the perfect match for you, I think they would try their best to understand your feelings, because you deserve to be matched with one of the kindest people in the world.”

He didn’t take his gaze off the pebbles his shoes prodded at, and you took that as a sign to continue.

“With that said, let’s just enjoy today, and all the other days to come as we wait for your soulmate. And when they come along, we’ll take things one step at a time, and work through the problem as it plays along. Worrying about it beforehand isn’t going to do you any good, don’t you agree? That’s what you told me before right?”

Wonwoo slowly nodded and slipped his hands back onto his lap. “You’re right, I’m worrying too much about something that hasn’t happened to me yet. What if I don’t even get my mark this year? I won’t be able to totally forget the problem, but I’ll try my best to put it aside for now.” He smiled softly to himself, and you patted his shoulder.

“That’s the spirit! So you wanna go back to the others and go for a swim? If you’re up to it?”

“Yeah, I think that would be nice. Thanks for listening, y/n.” He got up from the bench and offered you a hand which you gratefully took. Silence settled between you too as you made your way out of the forest and back to the beach. The others were quick to notice you and began eagerly calling for you guys to jump in. Before you gave in to their persistent requests, you paused for a moment and started talking again.

“Oh, and Wonwoo?”

He stopped a few steps ahead of you and turned around. “Yeah?” He looked much lighter than he did a few moments ago, but for some reason, your heart broke a little at his happiness.

You gave him a downcast smile, and if he sensed the dismal tone in your voice, he didn’t say anything about it. “Just know that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to love your soulmate platonically. I have a good feeling they’ll understand.”

Maybe you had gotten a bit ahead of yourself that day by assuming that you were going to be soulmates. No matter how much you felt that connection in your heart, Wonwoo himself never showed any signs of feeling it too. This whole thinking-that-he-was-your-soulmate-before-it-was-even-confirmed thing could’ve just been your mind being a mix of delusional and hopeful. But you said what you said, and it’s not like he noticed any of your hints anyways.

And it’s not like he ever will notice.

------

The next day, you woke up with a tight arm wrapped around your waist and the sun shining on your face. If it was any other day, you would’ve simply closed your eyes and fallen back asleep without caring so much about what time it was, but thankfully you had enough sense in you to remember the date.

July 17th.

Lifting your head fully off the pillow, you followed the arm hugging you to find Chan, buried underneath a soft blanket, still snoring away. Nudging him lightly, he stirred and moved his arm to rub his eyes, freeing you.

“Morning, Chan.” You poked his nose.

He let out a few incoherent mumbles before opening his eyes and looking at you. “What?”

“It’s Wonwoo’s birthday we gotta wake up and get the others.”

“Can’t we do that in a few minutes?” He whined, and tried to return to his pillow, but you were quicker, and pulled him into a sitting position.

“No we can’t, silly, we have things to do before he wakes up.” After a little bit of bickering between you two, you finally managed to convince him to get up and he left to go take a shower. You let out a quiet sigh. One down.

Turning to the couch nearby you looked at Jun who was still sleeping soundly.

11 more to go...

By the time everyone woke up and the celebration kicked off, it was already late morning and you all settled on ordering some pizza for lunch and a couple of the boys left to pick up the food (being located in a remote cottage made it a little difficult for a pizza guy to come here out of the blue). As you waited for the food, everyone went about and did their own things to kill the time, and you found Wonwoo sitting alone on the porch. Joining him, you gave him a playful punch on the shoulder and smirked.

“Hey there, birthday boy.” 

He returned the smile with little enthusiasm and you could tell a lot was on his mind.

“Everything good? You’re not worrying about your soulmate are you?” You asked.

Wonwoo averted his eyes from your gaze. “I’m just thinking about it a little bit.”

“So...” You tried your best to play it cool. “I guess what we’re all wondering is whether you’ve gotten your mark or not?” 

You could’ve just dropped the topic and not asked him, more for your own good than his, because you would surely lose it if you spent another minute thinking about your soulmate. On the other hand, it would’ve been a little selfish if you chose to completely ignore the whole getting your mark on your birthday thing, but let’s be honest — what were you going to do after seeing it? Some things are better left unknown, and yet, you asked him anyways.

He hesitated for a moment before rolling up the sleeve of the hoodie he was wearing. The sun was bright outside and the humidity was definitely at a high, he must’ve been absolutely melting in that outfit, but now you knew why he dressed so conservatively today. “Yeah, I did.”

He angled himself towards you and you stared at the moon crescent just below his wrist. In place of the stars usually found in the sky, small flowers were scattered here and there. It was a beautiful, yet simple design. 

Unconsciously you crossed your legs and rubbed your ankle, where the exact same design sat, hidden underneath the socks you always wore.

“That design really suits you.”

It was all you could choke out without giving anything away. No matter how hard you tried, nothing could stop the rush of emotions building up in your throat. You wanted to scream out loud, you wanted to cry out to Wonwoo, because what the hell did you do to deserve this fate? Out of all the people in the world, why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be you? You were losing it. 

And so you fled. Like the fool you were, you fled.

Giving him a gentle pat on his shoulder, you excused yourself and went straight back into the cottage and into the bedroom. You didn’t leave until Chan came in and asked if you were alright and to that, you spilled everything. You didn’t care about Wonwoo’s secret at that point, because you just needed to have someone to confide with. Someone to understand you.

Though some of the story was quite a shock to him, especially considering the fact that you’ve been keeping your soulmate mark hidden from all of them, Chan listened to you with all seriousness. In the middle of your rambling, Seungkwan also walked in to see what was taking you so long. The tears on your cheek probably weren’t the best thing for him to see, but deep down, you were happy to have another person to talk to. And as you did, he looked at you with empathetic, almost pitiful eyes.

It was terrible, but still relieving.

You promised each other to keep your secret between the three of you. The others didn’t need any extra drama in their lives, and besides, they weren’t supposed to be aware of Wonwoo’s secret until he decided to tell them himself.

You spent the rest of the vacation distancing yourself from him, and instead, you stuck by Chan and Seungkwan’s sides, and they made sure to take care of you, which was something you’ll forever be grateful for. Whenever Wonwoo made his way towards you, one of them would create some sort of distraction or pipe up a new conversation to drag you away from the man in question. Eventually, he seemed to get the message that you didn’t want to be around him and didn’t try to approach you for the rest of the time there. 

You felt bad. So bad for ignoring him. It was his birthday for God’s sake, and you — his best friend — were ignoring him on his birthday.

It wasn’t his fault. It totally wasn’t his fault for not wanting to be in a relationship. Just like how it wasn’t really your fault for falling head over heels for him. For loving the wrong person. But it happened against your will, and now you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. 

If you had said just one more word to him on that day, would things have turned out differently? Maybe you would’ve gotten together? Maybe you would’ve come to terms as just friends?

Maybe, at least, you wouldn’t have drifted.

-----

“Happy birthday y/n.”

Wonwoo slid a neatly wrapped present across the table and you ripped it open without much hesitation, too excited to see what was inside. 

It was the sweater you’ve always wanted, a soft royal purple that was decorated with constellations along the sleeves and a moon on its chest pocket. Honestly, you were interested in the sweater because it reminded you of a certain someone, and you wanted to wear it because it made you think of him. You hadn’t told him about it though, and you silently wondered how he found out.

“This doesn’t make up for anything though.” You muttered childishly and took a sip of the cool drink in front of you. You were referring to the news he dropped on you just moments before giving you the gift.

He nervously adjusted his glasses. “I’m sorry. Even I’m unhappy about moving across the world, but at the same time... y/n... this is my dream.”

You sighed and put down the drink. “I know. I’m just upset that we won’t be able to see each other for who knows how long.” You paused to think for a moment. “How long are you going to be gone for anyways?”

“At least 4 years.” He said in a small voice. “4 years for school and if I can get myself a job...” He let out a sigh in defeat.

“I don’t really know how long I’ll be there for.”

“Wow.” You breathed out. “So like I’ll really have to say goodbye then, right?”

“There’s still time, it’ll take a few months for everything to be planned and settled so don’t worry. But let’s just ignore that for now,” He swatted his hand int he air as if it would get rid of the gloomy mood settling over the table. “So much for a birthday gift right? I’m sorry for bringing this up today of all days, but I thought you deserved to know.” He smiled sadly.

“It’s fine. I appreciate you telling me right away.” You fiddled with the tag of the sweater in your hands. Ah, what the heck. Ripping off the tag entirely, you slipped the sweater on top of the clothes you were currently wearing. It was comfy, albeit a little bit stuffy with all the layers you had on, but you didn’t mind. “Thank you for the sweater by the way, I really like it, how did you know?”

“I had to do a little bit of digging to find that out.” He laughed. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been really close to Chan recently so I asked him if he knew anything about what you wanted for your birthday.”

“Ah.” 

You couldn’t tell if he was hinting something about being jealous of your friendship with Chan, or if he was simply stating what he saw. You also didn’t bother to ask. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

After your time at the cottage, things had fallen a little awkward between you two. You didn’t ignore him outright, you still had your usual conversations from time to time, but it was clear that at one point, you fell from best friends to practically acquaintances. Which probably was the opposite of what both of you wanted. While things have slowly been getting better overtime, the awkwardness between you two was still unbearable.

“Also...” He started tentatively.

“Mhm?”

“I was wondering if you got your mark?”

Right. He still doesn’t know. No one knew really, your own mark was still a secret kept between you, Chan, and Seungkwan. And you were planning to keep it what way, especially now that you knew that Wonwoo was literally going to disappear entirely from your life sometime soon. You knew it was a bit of a stretch to assume that. With all the technology that existed in the world, obviously you’d still be able to connect, even if there was a time difference. And surely Wonwoo would visit you guys once in a while. because he wouldn’t completely forget about you... right?

As much as you hated to admit it, no matter how hard the two of you tried, you were bound to lose each other someday. The man you loved, and still love, so dearly, will ambitiously pursue his dreams on the other side of the world while you, the lover, will miss your only chance to set things right.

You were being given another opportunity to tell him about your mark. Life was being kind enough to let you make up for your mistake at the cottage. And yet, you still looked into the eyes of your soulmate, and lied through your teeth, plastering on that same polite smile you’ve used over and over again, whenever someone asked you about your mark.

“No, not yet.” 

“Oh,” His eyes darted away from yours. “I’m sorry for asking.”

“No, no, it’s alright. I guess I’m just one of those rare cases, maybe I’ll finally get it next year.” You gave him a sad smile, which really wasn’t too hard to muster.

“You’ll find your soulmate soon, y/n. Don’t worry about it.” He gave you a reassuring smile and put his hand on top of the one you had on the table.

Yeah, I won’t worry about it.

=====

The taxi jerked to a stop and you gazed into the windows of the busy airport. All kinds of people were bustling about, carrying their luggages, making frantic phone calls, corralling their kids, reuniting with loved ones. The door in front of you opened, and Seungkwan held out a hand to help you up.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

You took his hand and he gently held onto you the entire time he guided you through the winding hallways. People brushed against your shoulder but you were too focused on your racing heart to bother with an apology. When you saw Wonwoo along with a few others in the distance, your fingers nervously tightened their grip on the small gift bag in your hands.

You weren’t ready to see him yet.

There wasn’t enough time for you to create some sort of plan B, because plan A was really starting to sound stupid to you now. When Seungkwan nudged you to go say your goodbyes, you hesitantly shuffled up to him, opting to stare at his sneakers instead of his face. You felt kind of pathetic, to be honest.

“Here, this is for you.” You placed the small box into his hands and gingerly clasped it before finally letting go. He opened it and pulled out a bracelet, its intricate pattern matched the one on your wrist, except his beads were painted a deep navy blue and white. 

“A bracelet?” He questioned as he slipped it onto his wrist, the small bell attached chimed along with its movement. It fit him perfectly. “Thanks y/n, you didn’t have to.”

“How could I not give you something before you go?” You countered.

“Hey, why are you acting like I’m leaving for good or something?” He joked lightly and ruffled your hair, which was rare coming from him. Usually it was the other boys who did that to you, but it’s not like you were going to refuse it. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Well that was a blatant lie. Though neither of you knew when he would be back, it was guaranteed that he would be gone for at least a few years. And if he ended up getting a job there, you might as well kiss goodbye to any chance of seeing him until you can manage your own work life. Maybe one day, you would be able to gather enough money to pay him a visit.

“I just want to make sure you have something to remember me by.” You answered softly, still refusing to look in his eyes. “In case we don’t get to see each other again.”

In case we drift apart like we already have.

“I’ll make sure to stay in contact, I promise.”

You opened your mouth to reply as the first tear dripped onto your cheeks.

I’m your soulmate Wonwoo. Since day one, I’ve always been in love with you, so please come home soon and we can figure things out. I can wait for you.

That’s what you were supposed to say. Your mind screamed at you to say the words you so diligently rehearsed all morning, but instead you asked him in a shaky voice. “Do you think you’re going to meet your soulmate there?” 

He must’ve mistook the regret in your voice as sadness over his departure, because he didn’t question your tone.

“I just might meet them, y/n.” You hated the way he sounded hopeful saying that. And then you proceeded to hate yourself for thinking that way. 

“I really thought my soulmate would be someone here, but I guess not. The world works in funny ways.” He laughed a little, and it just added to the awkwardness between you two. 

But it’s me, I’m your soulmate Wonwoo, do you not feel it too? 

“I also still don’t know if I’m ready to do anything romantically yet.“ He added.

You simply nodded and looked straight into his eyes, vision was blurry with tears, but you still gave him the warmest smile you could possibly muster.

As of today, you’ve finally made your decision. If you were going to say goodbye to him like this, you were also going to say goodbye to the feelings you had for him. You’ll learn to move on. Like any other problem you’ve faced in life, you’ll eventually move on. And if you were going to say goodbye to him like this, you wanted to at least send him off with the best version of you.

He’d always told you he liked your smile.

“I see, well, I won’t keep you any longer and say goodbye then, Wonwoo.” You squeezed his hand firmly for the last time.

He returned the smile. “Goodbye, y/n. We’ll meet again soon.”

[kidnappedbycartoons]

Thoughts on Hope

After I did Noah, you should’ve known I was doing Hope next. Frankly, she is my second favorite girl from that season (After Chelsea). I know a lot of people don’t like her, but let me give my thoughts about her.

At First:

It was obvious she was playing the game at first. She went straight for Noah without asking anyone to step forward, slept with him after Priya came in so that she couldn’t turn his head, inserted herself as the leader of the girls, and was lowkey performing with Noah in the first week. Remember how defensive she got during the Mean Tweets challenge even though Priya/MC gets the majority of votes for who is playing the game? But I always wondered why she was playing the game at first. Like, what could her reason be? Then I remembered a conversation she had with MC.

On Day 10, when MC goes to talk to Hope, she reveals that growing up her family didn’t have a lot of money and so she’s proud of her accomplishments because of that. That would also explain why she focused so much on Lucas’s money and why that comment about her having more money than Noah came out. Would it be right to say that she is financially insecure, I don’t know? But money might mean a lot to her because it gives her a form of security, not physically, but emotionally. It makes her feel important, accomplished, and confident. But she isn’t someone who will beg for money, no, she is someone who will get it on her own.

I also remember on one of the later days, she says that she wants to become the CEO of her own toy company and it costs a lot of money to start your own business. That could be part of the reason why she was playing the game. She splits the money when she and Noah wins and that’s for a multitude of reasons. Number one, that would be a heartless and selfish thing to do and she’s not that kind of person. Number two, she actually does have feelings for Noah and wasn’t going to hurt him like that. Number three, the public would dislike her if she did, which could cause problems for future endeavors.

Actually, I want to talk about the first reason, because I’ve noticed some people acting like Hope is some big, bad villain and I need to defend her.

Her Personality:

Hope is someone who naturally takes the lead. I don’t think she has a problem with control like Lottie does, but if no one else speaks up she’ll do so. I don’t know if I’m remembering wrong, but when MC takes over, she doesn’t interrupt her or downplay it. In fact, she agrees with MC and kind of stands by her. Yes, she does overdo it a bit in the beginning, but she loosens up a bit by the end.

Also, she’s not someone that likes drama. We see her try to calm things down on Day Five and on that stupid Girl’s Day Trip. Even when Operation Nope happens, she doesn’t drag it out like Lottie did with Marisol and Rocco. She even tries to act like nothing’s wrong in the few days following until something comes up, like finding out Noah had an ex named Priya. However, sometimes she does act a bit irrational.

The first instance that comes to mind is Day Ten. When she feels herself getting closer to Noah, the two end up arguing. Hope is upset because of the money comment and when MC calls her out on it sounding stupid, only then does she relax. This isn’t the first time either. The next day when she is in the lounge when MC gives her the hot chocolate, she says that Noah said she was upset with Priya because of her pride and it clearly affects her. And during Casa Amor, after the girls see the video, she starts stressing about Noah again, and only when MC gives her a reality check (If she didn’t participate in Operation Nope) does she come to her senses a bit. Hope gets in her head a lot and she needs someone who can call her out on it (Like Lucas), and that’s one of the reasons why she and Noah could never work. When she gets in her head, that’s when she gets a bit annoying to be around, but what she needs is a reality check.

Now. I have to talk about them. I’m going to focus on Hope and how people keep making her the villain though.

Nope:

They were never a good couple. Besides the fact that Hope was playing the game, they just didn’t mesh well. A lot of people say that Hope was keeping Noah on a leash and I do agree, to an extent. In the beginning, before Casa Amor, she definitely was. For example, she locked Noah in quickly when Priya came in but also didn’t bother to hide her excitement when Lucas came in. Remember when she was talking about them on Day Six and then MC says something about Noah being available and she gets upset? Or better yet, on Day Seven after Mr. Love Island. The girls are talking about the guys in the dressing room and when all the girls say that Noah saying that Hope is the only one he wants to date, she tells them to “Look, but don’t touch”. Or if MC takes Noah on a date on Day Nine, Hope feels the need to talk about how it doesn’t bother her. We all have to remember that is only the first week and that everyone is still getting to know each other, but she stops Noah from getting to know the girls while simultaneously letting herself interact with Lucas and Jakub.

Before the update, during the shower argument in Operation Nope, Hope had shamed Noah for not fighting for their relationship. They’ve changed it now to have her say “If you’re going to pie me off, I’d rather know about it before the entire villa” (Along those lines). But prior to that, that really shows her keeping him on a leash. She practically guilts him for not fighting for their relationship, only to then dump him the next day when Jakub picks her. I think it’s a mixture of two things. One, her playing the game and wanting to win and getting nervous when she sees how big of a risk MC/Priya is. Two, her actually developing feelings for Noah and not wanting to let him go. And remember that she gets in her head a lot and starts acting irrationally. All of this combined, caused her to say those words (Not justifying it, just explaining it).

But we also have to remember that Noah isn’t a saint either. After Operation Nope (If MC doesn’t participate), when he says that Hope was more upset at Priya because of her pride when Priya literally tried to kiss him earlier that day? She was actively trying to steal him away from Hope after going on about how cute of a couple they were just a few days ago, in front of Hope at that. And then not taking the blame for his part when he could’ve shut it down. If he had made it clear that he wanted to be with Hope to both of them, then Priya would’ve probably backed off. If he had said that he wanted to try things on with Priya to both of them, Hope would’ve been upset but she would’ve let him be. And if MC did participate in Operation Nope, then it’s just worse, but I already spoke about this on his post.

After Casa Amor, and I’m going to use it if MC didn’t participate in ON, she and Noah are kind of on a weird page. The two of them are saved by Lottie and Bobby, solely so they could get back together. I think both of them felt pressured to get back together after that since it seemed like everyone else was rooting for them to get back together. Once they do, we see that Hope is worried because she doesn’t want kids but Noah does. What I find interesting is that on Day Twenty-Six, Hope reveals that Noah would always talk about how he wanted a big family and it seemed he just assumed Hope did as well because he had these kinds of expectations about her. Like her being too much of a lady to get drunk at a waterpark. And during the Baby Boom episode, she starts getting in her head when she sees how much fun Noah is having with the doll baby and Noah gives in to calm her down and make her comfortable. It’s like, they both have feelings for each other, but they’re slowly realizing that they’re not a compatible couple, but they’re staying together because of the pressure of the show.

Her And The Girls:

I already know that she and Lottie don’t talk after the show. But I need to talk about her and Priya because I feel like Hope considered Priya a friend while Priya didn’t. She even tells Priya on Day Twelve that she was ready to be friends again if she backed off. But there are moments prior to that. I noticed that Hope and Priya hung around each other a lot. Like on Day Four, Hope went to check on Priya. On Day Six, the two were talking about Rocco and Marisol in the dressing room. On Day Seven, they were hanging around each other before Rocco showed up. Which makes ON worse for Hope because someone she considered a friend betrayed her.

As for her and Marisol, I never noticed the little moments between them until I had her hate my MC. On Day Eleven, Marisol talks with Hope if MC doesn’t give her the hot chocolate. During Casa Amor, it hints that she and Marisol have spoken to each other about something. Even in the first week, there were moments where Hope was doing Marisol’s hair and I don’t think I saw the other girls doing that. I think the reason why they meshed was probably that Hope tends to get in her head a lot and Marisol, with her psychoanalyzing skills, puts a bit of ease to Hope’s mind. Not to mention that Marisol doesn’t have much tact and would probably call her out when she starts acting that way.

Now, she and MC. No matter what I do, they always end up being close. The only time where they weren’t was during my second playthrough of Operation Nope. I’ve said before that she appreciates when MC calls her out on being irrational and is honest. She also applauds MC when she helps keep the peace in the group. Even during Operation Nope, as long as you stay loyal to Noah and are honest with your feelings, she won’t be that upset with you. I think she had a lot of respect for MC and her opinions on things. 

Final Thoughts:

Hope is a flawed character, but she’s not a villain like some people have painted her out to be. Her and Noah weren’t a good couple at all and because of the pressure of the show and her wanting to win, it got worse the longer they stayed together. After this, I’m debating about doing one of the guys. But it might not be who you expect.

[nanagoswife]

For You? Always.

Chapter Fifteen

Summary: Some good news and soft moments...

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: There will be another chapter of this posted today. I've been excited to get to the next chapter and I'm not patient enough to do it tomorrow so, look out for that. Enjoy 😄

This time, Ben was still asleep when you opened your eyes. His normally fixed hair was once again in a mess, the only thing that looked chaotic. The rest of him was in complete comfort as he was sunken into the pillows. Everything about the sight of him was one of peace. Your love for him rose the longer you stared at him.

Brushing some of his hair to the side, a smile spread onto his face. Ben met you with his gaze, his blue eyes sparkling from the morning light even through the squint as he adjusted to the brightness. Even his strawberry blonde hair seemed to glow brighter. It was a sight that you adored and wished to see many more times.

Uncovering his arm from the warmth of the blanket, he placed his hand on your cheek, stroking his thumb over your cheekbone. The gentleness of it soothed you enough for you to close your eyes and lean into the touch.

Opening your eyes again, his eyes were wider and his smile was brighter. “Good morning, my darling,” he said, slightly raspy. It didn’t phase you though as you were used to his morning voice at this point. He propped himself up on his elbow to get a better view. His movement caused the blanket to slide down more, exposing his chest. This only added to the scene.

Grazing his cheek with your hand, you moved your hand to splay your fingers through his hair. With a quick smile, you pulled him off of his balanced elbow, causing him to fall onto you, and pressed your lips to his. To lift his weight, he once again propped himself up, this time on his forearms. But, you wrapped your arms around his back and pulled him back down.

Lips still connected, he laughed and mumbled, “I see you’ve picked up a new confidence.”

“Only because you make me more confident,” you replied after separating your lips, but keeping your foreheads pressed together. His eyes brightened with the smile that spread across his face. Then you added, “And I trust you.” Then, you kissed the beauty mark on the right side of his face, something you’ve wanted to do for a while but held back in shyness.

Before anything else, a knock sounded at the door. You were about to get up to answer it, but Ben told you not to, and got up, first grabbing a shirt that he left hanging open.

Opening the door, Derek was standing there, “I’m sorry to disturb you, but Claire wants to talk about business now. This visit has just been cut short.” Ben looked back to you. You were already up and nodded to Derek. He proceeded to walk away to leave the two of you alone to get ready.

When you had gone downstairs, Claire had told you and Derek that she was going to publish with you. Derek and you had been ecstatic. All of you celebrated after a small conversation of certain business details were discussed.

The next day, you were beside Ben on the plane home. Even when he dozed off, he held your hand.

Now, a few weeks had passed since that week and a bit. Ben moved in with you a week ago, the process being quick as he only really had his clothes, desk, and work things to bring in. He donated everything else to a shelter and gave any extra to the nearby thrift shop. There were a few mugs he had kept that you knew were his favourites, but that was it.

Since he had seemed to almost always be at your house, it seemed as if nothing changed. Except, now, you don’t have to ask him to stay or convince him to stay the night. This is where he will always be other than late night work sessions with Siara at her and Brian's. Plus, it helped him get closer to Brian. They seemed to talk about anything and everything according to Siara. Well, when he didn't have to work, anyways.

At the moment, well the whole day, you didn’t have any work that needed to be done. You spent the day emailing different people just to confirm events, meetings and just for the sake of talking to them. All was mellow before hearing a knock against your office door frame.

Turning your attention from your computer to the visitor, your eyes meet the gentle blue of Ben’s. You smiled a welcome as he stepped in and closed the door.

“How are you doing, darling?” he started off. There was something that flashed across his eyes but disappeared before you could identify what it was.

Standing up, slightly confused by the closed door, you walked around your desk, “I’m doing well. I can tell there’s something wrong. Is everything okay?”

Ben nodded his head before taking your hands and placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Yes everything is okay. I’m a bit stressed so I wanted to come see you to help ease my mind a little” This earned a smile from you as you rested your head on his chest. Wrapping his arms around you, he put his head on top of yours and occasionally pressed kisses into your hair.

The two of you stood together for a few moments before an idea popped into your head, “How about we have a quiet night. I have some vinyls that we could quietly play through a home cooked meal and the rest of the night. It would help you to relax.” Looking up to his eyes, he met yours with a loving smile.

“Of course. I know that I’ll have a night off from anything extra as well.”

For a few more sweet moments you dug your head back into his chest.

"As much as I'd like to stay here with you," he started when you slightly pulled back, "I still have some work to do. I'll meet you back here when I'm done?"

Reluctantly, you nodded and separated yourself from his embrace. Giving you a quick kiss, he left.

All you wanted was to go straight to the end of the day. Thankfully, it was only a few more hours until that happened.

Like he said, Ben met you at your office when the day was finally over. He offered you his arm for the walk home where a calm evening was awaiting. And it was just that.

From the moment you had both walked through the door everything seemed to lighten. You quickly made your way to your office, where your record player and vinyls had been kept, to bring it to the main area of the house.

Putting the needle down on the first record, Ben was watching while your fluid movements moved through the room.

When you moved to the kitchen, he met you there to help.

"No. You go and sit down," you told him sternly.

"Come on. Can I not help with something?" His voice was almost pleading but he smiled.

Playfully, you pushed him away by his chest, "No, you cannot. It's your turn to be taken care of." You tried to keep your face serious, but you failed when you looked in his eyes.

Finally. he sighed and sat down on one of the barstools at the kitchen island. Even though you would prefer he got more comfortable on the couch, you knew that this was the best it was going to get.

You knew, as he was a cook, it was hard for him to remove himself from doing this task. Yet, he had already made dinner for you plenty of times. Now it was time to do the same for him.

Ben, though, did like watching your process and bit his tongue whenever he thought of anything as a suggestion. He knew that this was your time to treat him.

Once the food was ready, you set the table and added a few candles to add to the slowly dropping sunlight. After placing the meals onto plates, you both took your places at the table.

Ben looked up at you after admiring his plate, “Oh, how I love you. This looks amazing.” A small blush creeped up to your cheeks. He took your hand in his and kissed your knuckles.

“And I love you,” you said while bringing your free hand up to graze the side of his face. A smile spread across his face as he leaned into your touch before turning his attention to the plate of food in front of him.

When you finished eating, you quickly dealt with the dishes and met Ben in the living room beside the record player. He was flipping through the box of records with a look of admiration when he passed by the Frank Sinatra albums. Finding the one he was hoping for, he slid it on the record player, letting ‘Fly me to the Moon’ fill the room.

Holding out his hand, you took it as he stepped forward and brought you to his chest. Slowly, he started swaying while holding you closely. His charming smile beamed as he looked down at you and placed a kiss on your lips.

The song continued as you rested your head against his chest, listening to his soft humming along to the tune.

This was how the majority of the evening went. The only time you left each other’s arms was to change the record. Each one was carefully picked by Ben to keep the mood, not disturbing the tender moments of the night.

There, in the warmth of his arms, you felt at home. It felt as if this was where you were always supposed to be. Where you should’ve been since you met him all those years ago in high school.

Time alluded you through the night, to the point that hours had gone by. Still, in Ben’s arms, he kissed the top of your head after you slightly shifted your head.

“Shall we head to bed, darling?” he asked in an almost whisper with his lips still placed against your hair. So as to not disturb the moment, you hummed in agreeance rather than nodding.

Feeling Ben smile, he slowly moved towards the record player to lift the needle and stop the turntable. Then, keeping you in his arms, the two of you slowly made your way to the room. When you had to break away from his warmth, you almost whined from the loss of contact.

Noticing this, Ben quietly chuckled as he started to change, you following suit. The quicker you were, the quicker the warmth of his arms will be back, this time to lull you to sleep.

Getting into bed, that's just what happened. Under the warm covers and the gentle hold of Ben all accompanied by his continuation of soft humming, you fell asleep. Ben had waited to see your breathing steady from sleep before letting his own mind rest while he listened to your soft breathing beside him.

@stardancerluv @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @where-fantasy-meets-reality @wintersoldiersthings @hopeladybug

[theobxhummingbird]

RUNNING THROUGH DAISIES. 🌼 JJ MAYBANK X READER

Summary: JJ’s willingness for family, rises even more at the same scene from his dream.

A/N: I wrote this a long time ago and never posted it. So, here it is my OBX family.🥰

                            It all began, with a few beams of sunlight. The warmth on his face, awoken everything in him, even those sleepy, squinted eyes.  Surrounded, by not the same bed he went to the night before, rather one covered with flowy, white sheets, and even weirder, in the middle of a field, JJ’s feet settled on the soft grass beneath. He was not dressed in his typical, Outer Banks bohemian clothes, rather a white t-shirt and white pants. His brows were furrowed in confusion, of how he had fallen in this state? JJ’s panic arose in him, getting a tickle of stress of where he was?

To those two questions, there was only one way of finding an answer; going around the field, and trying to find someone there, if there was someone at all. His bare feet moved through the grass, trying not to step on a sharp object, when his look from the ground unstuck, and stopped to examine the person that was approaching him from afar. A white dress, littered with daisies, as well as a daisy crown on the head; she was the most beautiful, but well-known face in the moment. Running through the field that had peeked of daisies, she approached him, and stopped just a few steps away from him. Her hands started moving from the side of her body, and gently settled on her belly, slowly caressing the small, popped out belly bump. JJ felt the baby kick, and his surprised look turned to her. She was quiet, and didn’t say a word for a long time; just smiled to JJ, from time to time, and smiling in the long distance.

-Mum! Mum! Mum! –voices started to be heard, faded in the distance. JJ’s head turned to the blurry scene, only seeing white dots getting clearer and clearer, as they all placed their heads on the little belly bump, of the white princess. Their figures were now approaching JJ; while he was dumbfounded, and focused on one dot on the ground.

-JJ… wake up…-her face was now closer to his, as he felt a warm touch, mixed with a cold, touch his hand and lift it up to the belly bump. Her diamond shone in the sunlight, as her soft hands held his hand on the beating place. It was moving. –JJ, wake up. JJ, wake up.

-JJ, wake up. –was the last warn, as JJ rushed his head off the sweated pillow. –I’ve been standing here for too long, and you have 20 minutes to get ready for our surfing, double date with Sarah and Y/N.

The pillow patterns had printed on his face, as one side of his hair was stuck to it. JJ dropped himself back on the pillow, as his arm reached for the phone on the nightstand. It was way too late for his long preparations. His feet were now leading him to the bathroom, as JJ tried to get ready in the best way possible.

-I joked, we have 2 hours, don’t get fluttered. –John B laughed his way back to the leaving room area of the Chateau, that was always messy, but now it had a nice table for JJ and him to have lunch before the date. –Take a seat, my friend.

-You prepared this? –he sounded surprised, taking a seat across the brunette.

-Of course. I thought we could snack on something before our quartet meeting.

-Hm…-he took one cucumber circle in his plate, and played around with it.

And the whole meal, while John B basically stuffed himself, JJ was just playing with the food, that his friend placed in his plate. And not that he didn’t realize it, John B still waited for him to tell what’s wrong with energetic JJ?

-So? Are you just going to stay quiet?

-What do you mean?

-You aren’t eating, JJ. And there’s clearly something up with you.

-I’m not hungry, bro. –he dropped himself back on the chair.

-I know you are hungry; we haven’t eaten properly for a whole week. Don’t hide anything from me, we’re best friends.

JJ let out a sigh, and placed his elbows on the table, still thinking of ways to translocate what’s on his mind, to his mouth with proper words, -I dreamt a really weird, but at the same time nice and scary dream.

-What was it about? –John B crossed his arms over his chest, really getting into what the blonde had dreamt, that dropped him to that state.

-Y/N, in a white dress, running through daisies with a belly bump. Then four more kids approached, two girls and two boys, as they placed their heads on her belly bump. Dude—I don’t know—in that moment, something happened to me. She also reached for my hand and placed it on the belly bump. What—what if it’s a sign…. that she is…. I don’t know…. pregnant?

-Well—that’s one beautiful dream. But you’ll see with time. It doesn’t mean that if you dreamt it today, it’ll happen today.

-I don’t know bro- a smile spread on his face, -I love Y/N, and would want kids with her. But—you should’ve seen those four. The two girls, exactly like her. Eyes, lips, hair, smile, cheeks, laugh. The boys were blondes like me, but had her eyes. Oh those eyes, I really hope our kids in the future have them as well. I felt like the happiest man alive, even if it’s just a dream…

-Your and Y/N’s kids will be the luckiest, to have two amazing parents in their life.

-Five kids, John B, five kids. A baby on the way. –he bit his bottom lip, trying to remember the feeling of kids surrounding him. –I don’t know; I’ve never felt so protective for a family in my life before. Like, I feel the responsibility to be there for the six of them, even though there are no kids yet in both of our lives.

-Imagine, when you’ll really get to having kids. Teaching them surf; telling them about the bad outcomes of Pogues vs Kooks fights; reading them bed time stories about treasure hunts—

-And telling them how their uncle and his friends were crazy teenagers with an old Volkswagen and an HMS Pogue boat looking thing, and then getting a laugh of them straight in my face.

-Leave the gold hunting part out though; wouldn’t want them to get involved into any danger.

-You can’t even imagine the things I’ll teach my Pogue babies. –said JJ, resting his head on his hands behind his neck. –Y/N will be an awesome mother, dude. She’s the best. Cooking what’s best for them; reading baby magazines; going on controls to check the heartbeat; learning and writing homework with them; dressing them up in cute clothes and photographing them around Outer Banks. She’s going to be one dope mother, let me tell you.

-Yeah, Y/N will not only take care of five, but six babies. –John B laughed at his own joke.

-Six? How six? I only had five babies in my dream.

-You’re the sixth baby bro, you can’t even tie your own shoes.

-Joke, joke with me, until I see you changing pooped diapers. –he tossed a cucumber circle to John B, as he caught it in his mouth. –I’m going to get ready, Y/N doesn’t like to wait.

The two boys walked in the bathroom, one after the another, as they tried to get ready as fast as possible. Their market flowers were placed in a vase, ready to be given to Y/N and Sarah. JJ did his hair like she loved it the most, and dressed in comfortable, but elegant clothes; one that made him the JJ he is.

-Do I look like we’re having a wedding? –said Y/N, doubting the white dress she picked out for their date.

-No, not at all. You look like a daisy. –said Sarah.

JJ and John B were ready, and they couldn’t leave the house for forever. Either JJ, or John B forgot right when they’ve about to go out. So going back and forth, and finally exiting the Chateau, they were met with two of the most beautiful women they’ve seen. JJ gulped, and his eyes flickered, trying to persuade himself into a comment. He secretly nudged John B, but he was too busy admiring Sarah, to even realize what Y/N’s dressed in.

-Dude—he whispered through greeted teeth.

-Huh?

-Look at Y/N’s dress. I’m getting panicked.

-Oh—okay this is getting weird. –he said, and putting a smile he intertwined his and Sarah’s hands.

-Baby—he sing-sang; -you look like a da-daisy.

-Why did you and Sarah say the same thing?

-It’s because you’re one.

-Do I look like we’re having a wedding?

-No, no, not at all. You look stunning, and perfect as always. So perfect. –he came closer every time, and rested his forehead on hers.

-Come on, year’s couple, a date is waiting for us. –John B yelled from the driver’s seat.

Outer Banks was perfect in the evening; the sky melting into pinks and oranges. So many places for date, and John B picked out the perfect one. A long field of greenness, with a lot of flowers sprinkled around. The Volkswagen parked next to a wooden fence, and they all stepped out; the gentleman helping the ladies. John B came with a basket, which was filled with food and drinks, and of course a blanket.

-We’re having a picnic?! –Y/N put her hands together in excitement.

-Yes ma’am. –said John B, and they all entered the beauty of the field, finding a place to put up the picnic. JJ’s head immediately popped up on Y/N’s lap, and he looked insanely unreal. His blue eyes stuck out the most in the moment, as his blonde hair was falling all over her white dress. He was being kissed from the light of the pink and orange shades, mixed with purple and blue. Y/N pulled the polaroid camera from her bag, and took a picture of JJ, as she cupped his face with her other hand. She shook the polaroid, and showed it to JJ.

-

Sarah and John B were also taking pictures, trying out poses, while JJ and Y/N enjoyed each other. His eyes constantly glanced at the rested hand on her belly, and it arose panic and curiosity.

-Y/N. –he suddenly said, and she hummed back in response, -Does your stomach hurt? Is that why you’re holding it?

-No, -she slipped her hand off her belly, -I think I put my hand there unnoticeably.

-Oh—okay…

JJ was contemplating on telling her his dream, but was scared that she might be uncomfortable. Maybe she didn’t want kids in her life, or even marriage, and it scared him so much. He didn’t know he was crying, until a tear fell on Y/N and she gasped, thinking it’s raining.

-JJ? –he sat up from his lap, -Are you okay baby?

-I-I dream-

-You dreamed what?

-I-I dreamed of—our kids.

-Our—kids? When?

-Last night. It-it was so beautiful Y/N. Five kids, one baby on the way. You were running through daisies in a big field, as they all made their way to you, and put their hands on your belly. I-I’m so scared I’ll be a dad like mine. One that can’t give them anything than bruises and bloody faces. One that couldn’t afford them what they want. I’m so scared Y/N; I’m so scared they’ll hate me like I hate my dad.

-No, no JJ how can you say that? –she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. –JJ, you’re not your dad. You know how to take care of the ones you love, so well. And I don’t doubt it at all, that you’ll be the best dad ever.

-It was the most beautiful scene ever, and I never wanted to wake up from that dream. You were as perfect as you are, with your little belly bump and the kids around you. And they—they were all like you. All of them had your eyes. My—babies—were—flawless.

-Aww, baby. –she cupped his face and wiped away his tears. The way he talked about his nonexistent kids, made her fall in love with him even more. And she was surprised, what one dream had done to her boy. He was one strong man, and she admired him for that. But, he softens at the sight of a family, and it made her sure he’ll be a family’s guy. She closed her eyes, and leaned against his chest.

-What are you doing? –he peeked to see her peaceful and smiling face.

-Imagining you, me, and our five kids. Five kids?! That’s too many JJs and Y/Ns.

-You don’t want JJs in your life?

-No—because I have only one. But I want them to all resemble you. I want them to be strong, compassionate, emotional, cute, flawless and—

-And?...

-And perfect like you are. To have your blonde strands, your blue eyes. I want them to be golden.

-They were. –he smiled, -I still can’t get over it. How they placed their little heads on your belly bump—then you reached for my hand, and placed it, and I felt a kick, and in that moment—I was born again. When I felt that baby kick, I knew my life wasn’t only mine. It’s yours, our family’s and that baby’s.

-You’re talking like we’re expecting one, and I love it. Though JJ Maybank, we’re still young.

-I know, and I can’t wait to be able to form a family one day.

-Me too. –she smiled at him, and reached for a pen from her bag. “Running through daisies” she wrote on the polaroid picture.

-Guys, -Sarah and John B yelled from afar, -come on, let’s take pictures.

JJ and Y/N helped each other up, and ran through the flowery field, to reach Sarah and John B. The four laughed and took pictures, then placed a vintage radio to play some music.

In front of JJ’s eyes, the picture of Y/N running through daisies, kept popping up and it, in some way, warmed his heart to know he’s going to form a beautiful family with the girl running through daisies.

[probablynotsamantha]

My god it's just dawning on me how badly I've fucked up. I know that there are tons of people who go through community college and I'm going to a pretty good one and this doesn't reflect badly on me as a person or anything, and of course my situation could always be worse, but damn I have fucked myself. I have no friends here, making friends has always been kinda hard for me, and it's sure as hell not helping that all of my interaction is going to be happening via Zoom. If I'd just been able to make myself do the fucking work I'd have much better grades and could probably have gotten in just about anywhere I wanted. If I'd just done more applications and college research I wouldn't have relied on two schools I probably didn't have the grades for. If I'd just made sure to send my SAT score to UMD instead of assuming that the form where they ask you to self-report your SAT score was good enough, maybe they'd have been willing to look past my GPA. If I'd just fucking done anything even remotely approaching the bare minimum I'd be going to college with friends. Instead I'm alone. All my friends are posting on their instagrams about how excited they are to go off to college and be with their friends and peers and I'm stuck living in this shitty household where I get no acceptance and have basically been forced back into the closet and I just feel so lost and hopeless. I had my early teen years taken away by depression and anxiety so bad I would just refuse to go to school and I don't even know why. Now for my late teens I get all that plus the consequences of my own actions and my parents not accepting me being trans.

Why didn't I just stop being such a lazy piece of shit and just do the work like everyone else. Sure, I spent all my time watching YouTube because life was intolerable when I wasn't distracting myself, but even that felt empty. I needed help so badly and I just never got any. It wasn't available. All I got at Norwood was being yelled at for not doing the work, and at Blair I got that and also some "well I understand it's hard but there's really nothing I can do about it, I'm sorry". I clearly needed help but there just wasn't any help available. Of course my parents were just find sending me to a class designed to help develop my social skills when I was 5 (being 5 i didn't really understand it and I have very few memories of it but I do remember it being stressful at times and looking back on it it seems kinda like a "here's how to speak neurotypical" class, which while helpful for the world we live in it doesn't make it any less disgusting that I was taught helpful strategies to make eye contact with people (take a step back if you're uncomfortable) instead of respecting the fact that eye contact made (and still often does make) me uncomfortable. That was just fine, but both I and my psychiatrist had to pester my parents for several years before I finally was able to get into therapy again, i had tried therapy before once but did not have a good experience, how much of that was me being like 10-12 and how much of that was actual issues idk, also they had some sort of diagnostic process also which I think is how I got my autism diagnosis which I don't even really know if I have because my parents didn't explain anything of what was going on to me, just that I was to talk to this doctory person every week (I knew vaguely it was therapy but nothing beyond that) and the only reason I know of that diagnosis is because it was on a piece of paper I saw my psychiatrist holding that appeared to be a list of my diagnoses (at least I can't think what else a piece of paper with my name on it and a few other things I knew I had could be), which of course means I constantly doubt that I actually saw that because surely they would've told me, and surely it would show up on my Sibley portal under diagnoses (even though that doesn't show several other things I know I have been diagnosed with), and also I'm nervous I would get in trouble for reading that because it wasn't at all clear it was something I was allowed to read (though it did have my name at the top so I assumed it was fine). But recently my parents were talking about going through that testing I did when I was 10 or whatever again (they gave a reason that wasn't entirely clear), and they said something about not entirely believing the results and so now I'm fairly convinced that I did indeed get diagnosed but my parents just refused to believe it because there's no way their child could be autistic, just like there's no way their child could be trans. But yeah, even despite all of that I should've just done the work instead of feeling sorry for myself, and then I'd be ready to go off to college with friends instead of being stuck alone. The thing that really gets me is that I might never fucking see these people again. I can't stand that. I never got to spend enough time with them while I had it because I was always busy or unable to make plans or couldn't do something because my parents wouldn't let me and now that opportunity might be gone forever. Except for the bunch that are at UMD (and even that isn't exactly close), the closest friend I have is in Princeton. They're people I would gladly spend the rest of my life with, and now some of them are over TWO FUCKING THOUSAND miles away. I don't know that I can cope with that. I just... my heart is broken. I remember not really understanding why it's called a broken heart either, but holy shit my chest hurts so fucking badly it does kinda feel like my heart is broken. The idea of never seeing the people who I care about the most again feels just terrible. There's also the whole problem with classes at MC, like there just

aren't really that many classes that interest me, and the fastest way to get me to not do work is to have me be bored out of my mind. All of that isn't even counting all the struggles I have with being trans and having my parents be unaccepting and my sister not being great either and neither are neighborhood friends tbh (though the latter two may be because we are often around parents who are shitty).

Oh and just to make everything worse my bed is full of ants because I'm a fucking slob and can't be bothered to keep my bed clean (the fact that I left half a pizza crust there in my haste to leave for vacation a week ago probably didn't help).

Earlier I was genuinely contemplating just packing a bag and leaving. Problem is, I have nowhere to go. Part of me wants to just hop on a plane somewhere and get a shitty job and start a new shitty life. Another part of me just wants it all to end. It's not like there's really any difference to anyone if I'm dead if we weren't ever gonna speak again. I wouldn't ever actually kill myself, but just the fact that it occurred to me is terrifying. I just don't see any way the future could possibly be even remotely enjoyable.

I need to live in a world that has help for people like me and I just don't.

[spookysanta]

online. (g.d.)

Summary: everyone warned him about talking to this girl online. but he can’t help but want to fall for her... now he has to meet her. what happens when they finally get together in person?

Pairing: Grayson Dolan x Reader

WARNINGS: sexy thoughts but nothing too bad

Word ct.: 4116 words

this is the first part of my fic! i was gonna post the entire thing but it’s waaaaaaaay too long. so, here’s “part one”.

UNEDITED

(grayson’s messages are in bold, (y/n)’s are in italics)

***

So, let’s talk for a moment.

Shoot.

Would you maybe want to…meet?

Meet…in person?

Yeah. I mean if that’s too big of a step maybe we could facetime or something.

She was frozen. Sure, they’d been talking for a while but this wasn’t like they were dating. And no, she wasn’t a catfish; everything she told him about her was completely true, so that wasn’t her concern. But she was stressed beyond belief because this guy claimed to be Grayson Dolan, and he was a pretty big deal. And if she’s honest, she’s starting to like him in that way.

What if he sees her in person and he doesn’t like her in that way like she does?

Then she’ll feel pretty stupid.

Hello?

Hey. Sorry. I think us facetiming would be a good idea. Baby steps, wouldn’t you agree?

Grayson wanted to scream with joy. This girl…she’s basically him, but female. She’s got the humor, the kindness, the empathy.. everything he’s looking for. And yes, he completely will agree with anyone and everyone who found out he was starting to fall for a girl he met online—he completely understands that he might be clinically insane.

He doesn’t think he’s falling in love with her, but if he ever did, he surely wouldn’t fight it.

Definitely. Baby steps. Maybe we could talk tonight? If you’re not busy. He typed back.

No, I shouldn’t be busy… what time?

Maybe around 8?

Your time or mine?

Oh right, she lives in New York.

Mine.

She doesn’t know what to do. Of course, she’d love to see his beautiful face—she’s started following him on Instagram since they’d begun chatting, and she’s convinced she’s seen an angel. But what if it’s not him? Or what if he sees her and says, “mm, no thanks”?

She gets an idea. When he calls, she won’t answer. She’ll say she wasn’t feeling well, or that she went to bed early.

But then he’ll reschedule.

Ugh, she really wanted to just get it over with already. Is he who he says he is? Because no-one that attractive is this willing to talk to a girl like her, so she thinks.

Actually? She’s gonna do it. She’s going to answer his call, and if it’s a random guy named Raymond that looks nothing like him, then she’ll cuss him out (as she does so well) and then she won’t feel as bad for letting three months of chatting with this guy feel like a waste. But if it is him, then maybe she’ll have made a friend that she can actually trust.

Okay. She typed simply after battling with her brain cells for a couple minutes.

Everything okay?

He must’ve noticed that she wasn’t exactly responding eagerly.

I’m just worried.

Worried?

Yeah.

Why?

She typed hesitantly: Because what if you see me and I’m not what you imagined me to be?

He replied quickly without missing a beat: Then hopefully we can still be friends. I don’t think that’s something you should worry about, though.

What do you mean?

What you look like doesn’t determine your place in my life. If you were honest with me about you, then we can still chat as much as you want. I still like talking to you a lot.

Oh.

So all that matters is that we accept each other for who we are. And if we can do that, then we’ll be fine.

He was right. There was no need for her to stress, because there’s nothing to stress over.

You’re right, she told him in a feat of confidence, you know what, maybe we should facetime now? Just get it out of the way.

She didn’t think he would say yes.

And when he saw her message, his heart fell to his ass. But he really wanted to see her. Because in his mind, she had to have been beautiful, to match her beautiful personality.

Okay. What’s your imessage?

Should she tell him?

If she never marked the message as read, he wouldn’t know. And then she wouldn’t have to worry about looking stupid in front of him.

But that’s not fair to him. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and the least she should do is honor her word and talk to him. Hell, maybe he’ll be even more perfect than what she was hoping for.

(y/n)lovespancakes@icloud.com

Cute username.

She rolled her eyes. At least her username wasn’t anything stupid. Pancakes are a universal delicacy in her mind, so they should be on the same page.

Hey, don’t judge, I made it when I was 10 and I was going through a pancake phase.

Waffles are better, but I won’t argue it this time. Give me a second and I’ll give you a buzz.

Is he serious? She’ll brush it off because he decided to.

Oh god she realized that it’s happening. She should’ve just minded her business. She should not have suggested that they talk now. Because if they talked later in the day, she could make up reasons to ignore his call, but she can’t do that now. Is she going to burp or fart with him listening? What if he sees how nervous she is? What if he—

gbdolan@icloud.com wants to FaceTime you.

Okay, she can do this.

She can do this.

She can’t do this.

She probably shouldn’t do this.

But she definitely shouldn’t keep him waiting.

She swiped the button to “answer” before her brain could tell her not to.

Connecting…

His face appeared on the screen with a bright white smile. “There you are!” He exclaimed.

God, his voice. She knew it was deep because, judging from his pictures, he’s a pretty big guy.

“Hi.” She squeaked, her mind still darting to different ways she could hang up and go to bed to wallow in her own self-pity. She mustered up a thin-lipped smile. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, really.” He shrugged, fiddling with things on his desk. “So…what’s up with you?”

The last thing she wanted was for the conversation to get awkward. Because once it gets awkward, then she’ll get uncomfortable. And then she’ll make up a reason to hang up…not like she hasn’t been doing that already. “I’m avoiding my work by talking to a guy that lives across the country.”

He hummed. “Is he cool?” He asked with a brow raised.

“Hardly.”

He belted out a laugh and she wanted to shriek.

He was so beautiful.

“So you’re not talking about me.”

“Oh, I’m certainly talking about you.”

“You couldn’t be. I’m cool.”

“Cool like a burning furnace.”

“So you’re saying…I’m hot?” He had to ask, she was practically begging for him to ask.

Duh. Idiot.

“Mm. To some.”

He couldn’t help but laugh again. His laugh was almost soothing, as noisy as it was. At this, her shoulders relaxed in her seat. “Good one.” He replied.

“You’re cute, I guess.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“And may I say…you’re absolutely stunning.”

Her face got hot. She didn’t know what else to say, so she said, “Oh my god, shut up.”

“What?”

“Don’t call me “pretty”.”

“I didn’t call you “pretty”, I said you were “stunning”. “Pretty” is what you call your sister on her prom night. But you’re way more gorgeous than that.” He almost sounded stern in the tone of his voice. “I’m sure you’re even more breathtaking in person.”

“You really know how to make a black girl blush, don’t you?”

“I’m just telling the truth.” She saw him shrug. “And now that I’ve seen you, I won’t be able to get you out of my mind.”

“You’re too smooth for your own good, you know that?”

“Probably. But I know you find it attractive.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because if you didn’t like what you were hearing—or, rather, who you’re hearing it from—you would’ve blocked me a long time ago.”

“I still have the opportunity to, trust me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. But now that you know I’m not some random guy—“

“You still are, technically.”

“—you should come to L.A.”

“Huh?” If she’d been sipping water, surely she would’ve spat it out by now.

“Yeah. Come hang for, like, a week. Then we could get to know each other better, no screens separating us whatsoever.”

“Um—“

“Okay, maybe not a whole seven days.” He reasoned. “Maybe, like, 5?”

“Here’s the thing.” She stopped him mid-ramble. “I have no money.”

“Oh, that’s okay, honey. I’ll pay for you.”

Disregarding the fact that he called her “honey”, her jaw dropped in shock. “No, no, no, no. That’s too much money.”

“It’s not that much.”

And that’s how she quickly realized they were in two different financial brackets.

“It’s expensive, Grayson. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

His name just rolled perfectly off her tongue. And if he wasn’t paying attention, he’d be thinking about all the ways he’d like to hear her say his name, both appropriate and not.

“I want to. I’m paying for you and that’s that.”

“You’re delusional.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged again. “But I want to see you. All you’ll have to do is say when you want to come out, and I’ll hook you up.”

She thinks she loves him.

“Thank you, Grayson. You’re the best.”

“I know.”

***

He broke her. She quickly decided that she needed a break from school. And as she told him tearily—though not in tears because she doesn’t cry unless she absolutely can’t help it—she was “so stressed she didn’t know what to do with herself”. So she told him that she wanted to come the following weekend.

And of course, he said okay.

So he sent her all of the necessary information, as did she, and then before she could realize, she was boarding a plane.

She sent him a text:

hey, just boarded. see you in 4 hours! :)

He replied quickly.

Okay great. I’ll see you soon! I’m so excited. I’ll be waiting for you at your gate with a surprise for you. :)

A surprise?

What’d he get her?

She hopes she can eat it, because she’s starving.

Eventually, the plane got to its destination and she was shaking from nervousness. So badly someone had to help her get her bag from the overhead compartment.

She courteously sent him a text with shaky hands:

hey. just landed. be there in 5!! xoxo

Why was she feeling like this?

She walked slowly from the plane and into the airport. Her logic was the slower she walked, the less likely he was to wait for her.

But then she would’ve wasted his money.

Ugh, damn her conscience.

She decided to walk at a normal pace (much to the pleasure of those stuck walking behind her), and entered the airport, sucking in a breath as she walked to Baggage Claim.

Her phone buzzed.

1 unread message from gray ☀️

Okay!! I’m pretty sure you’ll see me, your surprise is pretty big lmao

Huh?

Her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes scanned the vast area of the room when they landed on a particularly big man holding a particularly big sign that read in all caps:

WELCOME TO LOS ANGELES Y/N

She couldn’t help but laugh at him as she made her way in his direction. He hadn’t seen her yet, and he set the sign down to tie his shoe. He promised her he’d wear real shoes and not his Gucci slides, no matter how comfortable they were, because she didn’t want to see his “hairy toes” as he described them. “Y’know,” she spoke when she was within earshot of him. “I think the point of a sign is to consistently hold it, but that’s just me.”

He stood quickly, pulling her into his arms with a laugh. “Hey, you.” He mumbled in her ear as they embraced.

His mind was swimming, and rightly so. This girl was finally in front of him. They’ve been chatting since Halloween and all he’d wanted since then was to hold her in his arms.

And damn, was it worth it, indeed.

“Hey.” Her voice was muffled by his shirt. She sighed in their hug, her mind wrapped up in how good he smelled. She never wanted the scent to leave her nose. “You smell good.”

He chuckled, “You, too.” He couldn’t help but kiss her forehead, because she was here, and she was so gorgeous, and she was just…her.

She was first to pull away from their hug. She got a good look at him: his hazel eyes, his hair that was steadily growing down and not out, his cute little button nose that she was certainly going to poke before she goes back home, to the scar on his chin that she felt the urge to kiss. “You’re so pretty in person.” She muttered, almost so that she couldn’t be heard.

“I could say the same thing about you.”

She punched his arm. “Okay, you can’t do that now that I’m here.”

“Do what?”

“You can’t be all cute and stuff.”

“I’m…sorry?”

“No. Like you can’t call me pretty, or gorgeous, or stunning, or—“

“How about perfect?”

“Especially that.”

“You are, though.”

“Shut up!” She punched his arm again.

“Look, missy, you’re not going to keep hitting me.” He pointed a thick index finger at her. “I’ll get you back.”

“Mhm. Sure. Anyway, can we eat? I’m starving.”

“Fine.” He grabbed the sign and her suitcase and walked alongside her to his car. “What do you want?”

“Pasta.”

“(Y/N), it’s eleven o’clock.”

“So? It’s basically lunchtime. To Olive Garden!”

He wasn’t going to give her everything she wanted while she was here, that was his vow to himself. Because if he did, she’d be over the moon, and he’d be in debt.

But he didn’t mind because he was completely certain that he would give her the Milky Way if she asked him for it.

“Fine. We can go to Olive Garden.”

He could tell she was drowning in excitement, no matter how much she tried to mask it. “Wait.” she stopped him. “My surprise?”

“Oh, right. Your surprise is me. You’re welcome.”

“No thanks.”

***

He watched her as she hummed a tune, lips pursed and brows furrowed in concentration. She told him that she already knew what she wanted (ravioli in marinara sauce), but she had to scan the menu “just to make sure”. She had this way about her, this gravitational pull that seemed to just keep bringing him closer. And if he wanted to pull away, he wouldn’t even be able to fight it.

This girl had way more power than she lets on.

Her eyes darted across the menu’s print, her glasses sliding slowly down the bridge of her nose. She took a hand and pushed her braided hair behind her shoulder. “Stop staring at me.” He heard her mutter. “I can feel it.”

“You’re just so perfect.”

“You’re shitty at following directions. I said to not call me those names.” She looked at him with a glare.

“I’m not calling you names, I’m describing how beautiful you are. And, at this moment, you look perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

She hid behind her menu in embarrassment. “You’re mushy.”

He snatched her menu away from her, setting it in the booth he was sitting in so she couldn’t reach. “And you’re gonna deal with my mush all week.”

“Trust me, I’m not looking forward to it.”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. Now that you’re here…what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. I thought you were the one with the master plan. After all, it was your idea to lure me here, y’know.”

“I’m aware.”

“Ooh.” She thought out loud, her eyes widening. “Can we go to Disneyland?”

Look at her face! All he wanted to do was kiss her.

But let’s not forget—he’s on a limited budget. Because the last thing he wanted to do was to spend up all his money to take her wherever she pleased. She confessed to him that she doesn’t travel much so yes, he did want to take her exploring, but no, he does not want to be on the corner begging for change by the end of it all.

“Well, I don’t see why not.” He shrugged. How could he say no to her, especially now that she’s here? This was all his fault, after all. Had he not asked her to come, he wouldn’t be considering taking a second mortgage on his house. “What else do you want to do?”

“Well, I’d love to see the Hollywood sign, and maybe we could go to Madame Tussauds, and maybe we could—”

“Clearly you’ve made a list.”

“Yes.” She replied bashfully. “I’m just really excited to be here.”

“Trust me, I am, too.”

***

He also learned from his observations that she gets sleepy in the car. If the radio’s just quiet enough and the seat is comfy, she’ll have her head propped against her arm, and she’ll be out in under a minute.

And lucky for him, they got stuck in traffic, so he got to watch her sleep.

Not creepily, but admiringly. He’s not a weirdo.

She stirred when he had to make an abrupt stop. “What did you do?” she asked groggily.

“I didn’t do anything. We’re just gonna be chillin’ here for a bit.”

“Kay.”

“You get a good nap?”

She wordlessly nodded. She must not be one for conversation when she first wakes up.

“Well, it sure sounded like you did, all that snoring you were doing.”

She pushed his bicep, which she found to be very…big. “Shut up. I don’t snore.”

“So what do you call it?”

“Breathing.”

“Some “breathing” you do when you sleep, then.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed suddenly, almost causing him to slam on the brakes because he thought she’d gotten hurt somehow. “I forgot to ask you to take me by a hotel when you get the chance.”

“A hotel?”

“Yeah…so that I can have a place to sleep at night…”

“I figured you’d just stay with me.”

“Stay…with you?”

“Yes. Is that a problem?”

“Well, I—no, but I didn’t know if you wanted me to stay there or not, so I looked up some cheap hotels in the area.”

He waved her comment off, looking behind him in the seat before going around the lanes of traffic and speeding down the freeway. “No, no, no. You’re my guest, so you’ll stay at my house, in the guest room. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

Clearly they have a habit of staring at each other, because she couldn’t take her eyes off him. She couldn’t help but watch him as he sat up to change lanes, but then she couldn’t even describe how she felt when her eyes glanced down to his thigh and she saw how his muscles there flexed in relaxed as his foot stepped on and released the gas pedal. And she did not dare look anywhere else, no matter how tempted she was.

This was not that kind of trip.

She did say she wanted to get to know him better, and she did, but she didn’t just want to have sex with him. She figured he wasn’t that kind of guy anyway, as kind and caring as he was. She wanted to see where things would go, and clearly she wouldn’t be able to if all she thought about was what he could (or couldn’t) do to her.

“Thank you, Grayson.”

“For what?”

“For bringing me here, and paying for everything, and letting me stay with you and Ethan, and—wait, does Ethan know about me?”

“Two things: one, stop thanking me, okay? I mean it. I’m doing this because I want you here and I like having you around, so I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. So no more thanking me, alright?”

“Yeah.” She felt like she was being scolded like a child, but couldn’t deny the butterflies that were currently having a rave in her tummy.

“Good. And two, yes. Ethan knows about you, but he doesn’t know you’re coming.”

“So…do you plan to tell him?”

“Yeah. I will.”

She didn’t say anything after that. How could she? Now she would be a puddle of nerves. And she was already nervous because she was here with him, and now she has to meet the most important person in his life? The least he could’ve done was say something.

He could see the worry beginning to etch itself onto her face. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. He’s harmless.”

“But what if he doesn’t like me?”

“He will.”

“But what if?”

“I’m telling you, he will. He’ll take one look at you and he’ll see what I see—perfection.”

***

He opened the gate to go up the driveway, and after creeping his way up the hill, he parked his Porsche under an awning attached to the house. The two of them got out of the car, and she went to grab her things from the backseat, but he stopped her. “I got it.” He said simply.

“No, it’s no problem, I can get my luggage.”

“No.” he gently took her carry-on bag from her grasp and slung it over his shoulder, yanking her suitcase out of the backseat. “I got it. You go ahead.” He handed her his house keys.

She walked ahead of him cautiously, because she saw another truck in the driveway. So that could mean that Ethan’s here. And that might mean that she’d have to meet him.

Oh god.

She stood timidly on the porch as he lugged her things toward the door. She attempted to take the carry-on bag from off his shoulder. “At least let me take my carry-on.”

He smacked her hand away. “Stop it.” He took the keys from her and unlocked the door. He nodded his head in the direction of the house. “C’mon.” This time, he led her. She followed him inside in the direction of a room just off to the side of the living room. “So this is your room, feel free to make yourself at home.”

“Is Ethan here?” she asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed as she watched him set her things down.

“Yeah. His truck’s outside. He’s somewhere around here.” He sat next to her on the bed and took her hand, kissing the back of her palm. “But like I said, everything’s going to be fine.”

“Yo, Gray!” they heard a voice yell from down the hall.

“Now, listen,” he said to her. “just be yourself. There’s no reason to worry, okay? He’s harmless and no matter what, you’ll still be my favorite.”

That was their little inside joke. When she found out that she’d been talking to the Grayson Dolan, she slipped up and told him that he was her favorite of the two boys after only mildly stalking their YouTube channel. So every time they speak they tell each other that they’re their favorites. Cheesy, of course, but she found it to be their “thing”, so she thought it was cute.

She chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. You’re my favorite, too, I guess.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. And to be perfectly clear, she wanted to die. He was so warm, and he smelled so good, and she just wanted to snuggle him forever. “I know I’m your favorite. You can’t deny it, no matter how hard you try.”

She saw who she assumed to be Ethan stroll past the room. But then he backtracked and said, “Hey, Gray…who’s your friend?”

“This is (Y/N). You know, the girl I was chatting with on Instagram?”

“Oh, okay.” He entered the room. “Hi.”

Grayson nudged her.

“Hi.” She replied quietly. “Nice to meet you.”

He removed his arm from around her. “She’s going to be staying with us for a couple of days, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, that’s totally fine.” He shrugged. “I’m going to the gym. You need me to get anything while I’m out?”

“Nope, I’m good.”

“Cool.” He turned to leave but before he did, he said, “Bye, (Y/N)! It was nice meeting you!”

Then, they heard the jingle of his keys, and then the gentle slam! of the front door. “See?” he mumbled to her, kissing her temple. “You did all that freaking out for nothing.”

“I was not freaking out.” She retorted but let out a huge breath of air anyway.

“You were. And I know that you were, because I could feel your heart pounding without me touching you.”

“Shut up.”

[jalapeno-princess]

Write Me a Letter

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: THE CHEESIEST OF FLUFF (Featuring the best friend BamBam that everyone deserves)

Word Count: 10.6K

Summary: Being a full-time college student with a full-time job is a hard thing to do. One day when you’re scrolling on your explore page, you stumble on a post with a link to a pen pal website. You’ve always been curious about how pen pals worked and you’ve been interested in making a new friend and writing mail back and forth to one another. After exploring a couple of profiles to make sure you choose the person you feel you’d enjoy writing to, you find Mark’s profile and you end up choosing him from his profile picture of his adorable puppy Milo, his personal interests and the way he seemed passionate about the entire pen pal experience. Over the course of writing to and receiving letters from Mark, you come to the realization that he means much more to you than someone you write letters to that you’ve never met before. When the opportunity comes for the two of you to finally meet, you and BamBam plan out a vacation to California where you finally get to meet the man behind the heartfelt letters.

A/N: Hey guys; so this has to be one of the cheesiest (if not the most fluffy ball of cheese story that I’ve written) and if I’m being honest I don’t know how I feel about this story but I’d like to think it’s cute and I’ve always wanted a pen pal (I love writing letters and I prefer writing letters and receiving mail over getting text messages sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era but hey GOT7 and I exist at the same time so that’s all that matters) please enjoy! (Oh yeah, by the way, I was 1/4 in to writing this I write all my stories on my phone and I meant to highlight a word in order to delete it but I accidentally highlighted the whole story and ended up deleting it i was so mad at myself and I actually considered not writing it again because I was already so deep in to writing the story but I was very determined to finish it)

“Hey y/n, boss man wants you finished with that proposal by Wednesday.” The groan that fell from your lips was unintentional and as much as you hated showing disdain for your manager in front of your fellow colleagues because of how much pressure and stress he put you through, BamBam was used to seeing you get so worked up over things like this. But he couldn’t blame you; you had a lot on your plate as it was and your manager had a tendency to expect the world from you. 

Working as a paralegal in one of the most prestigious law firms in your state on top of being a full-time student wasn’t the easiest thing to do and some days you found yourself wanting to give it all up entirely. However, you had a goal and you were going to do everything in your power to achieve it; no matter how frustrating juggling both your education and your job could be. 

Your boss would always assign you different projects, expect you to come up with proposals, write essays and find as many clients as possible and what upset you the most, was that he expected you to do it in a few days time. He told you time and time again that he knew you were capable of such amazing things and you weren’t the lead paralegal in your company for no reason. 

There were so many nights where you stayed up working on both your school work and the tasks assigned to you just so you could impress your boss with the amazing quality of your work that you just so happened to finish the same day you were given it. If only your boss knew how much blood, sweat and tears you put in to perfecting all your work before turning it in. 

A tear of frustration fell from your face and you hated showing that you were weak in such a cutthroat business, but BamBam was one of the only coworkers you could trust. Especially because he just so happened to be your best friend. As soon as he heard you sniffle, he made his way over to your desk and gently ran his fingers through your hair before motioning for you to stand up so that he could pull you in to his embrace. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you brought yours up around his back and placed your head against his chest. 

“Hey, don’t cry. I know it can get frustrating sometimes, and I know you’re tired but it will all be worth it in the end. Okay? Hang in there. You’re the most hardworking and dedicated person I know y/n and I admire you so much for it. He wouldn’t give you all this work load if he didn’t think you couldn’t handle it, but if it does get too much for you to manage, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Better yet, remind him of just how much you have on your plate. You’re a student as much as you are an employee y/n. And more importantly, you’re a human. Don’t give me that look, I know what you’re going to say. “But BamBam, I want to be the best. If I don’t do everything I’m supposed to, then I won’t be able to handle opening up my own law firm.” I hate how you belittle yourself all the time. You are the best y/n. Once you graduate and finally open up your own law firm, all the hard work and dedication will be worth it. Your law firm will shit on this law firm, I can already see it.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle at his words. BamBam always knew the right things to say and you were extremely grateful that he applied to the law firm you were working at because he was the only reason you weren’t going insane with everything you had to deal with. He was a breath of fresh air in an office where you felt like you couldn’t breathe at all. You didn’t know what you would do without him there. 

As much as you knew he should’ve been getting experience in his own field, he explained to you that he wanted nothing to do with the fashion industry until he graduated and had to go in to it. Some days you wish you could be like him, you wish you didn’t have to worry about the real world until it was time but you were such a perfectionist and you wanted to experience was the world of law had to offer. 

“He’s going to kill me one day Bam, I swear to God. That man is overworking me to the bone and at this point I don’t even think it’s because he trusts me or because he thinks I’m great at what I do. I think it’s because his lazy ass doesn’t want to do the dirty work. I’m sick and tired of having to do everything for him only for him to get the credit, it’s bullshit.” 

BamBam began to run his hands along the side of your arms and released a frustrated sigh. Everyone in your company knew how much time and energy you put in to your job. They knew how much you wanted to be a lawyer, and that you were one of the most talented and extremely intelligent paralegals in the field. Your boss was very lucky to have you; but at the same time he took advantage of your kindness and generosity and made you work until he was satisfied with the end product. 

“I got an idea, why don’t you and I go on a vacation? You deserve a break y/n. Hey, don’t you have vacation days saved up? You should seeing as how much overtime you’ve been working. Plus winter break is just around the corner. Why don’t we go to California so you can finally meet that lover boy of yours—ow! What? I’m being serious y/n and you of all people should know that violence is not the answer. I can’t wait for you to become a lawyer so I can sue you for emotional and physical abuse—I’m kidding—well not really but the two of you have been at this for months and didn’t he imply that he wanted to finally meet you in his last letter? I should get going, I have to finish that contract with the bank. But think about my suggestion okay? I’ll wait for you to finish so that I can take you home, or if you’re up for it we can go eat somewhere. My treat. Good luck y/n! And don’t stress too much. You wouldn’t want Mark to see those wrinkles and dark circles—I’m out!” 

He playfully squeezed at your cheek before leaving your office and once he was gone, you let out an exhausted groan while bringing your thumb and index finger up to the bridge of your nose and pinched it out of frustration. The idea of writing a five-paged proposal in less than two days made your head hurt. 

Sometimes you wish you had the guts to confront your boss of expecting so much out of you but you were afraid of the aftermath that came with it. Plus, BamBam’s words stuck with you and it was all you could seem to think about. Around six months ago, you were scrolling on the Instagram explore page when you came across a very interesting post about pen pals. From a young age, you were always curious about how pen pals worked and you would get excited at the thought of writing letters to a stranger. 

You were always a hopeless romantic. Everyone in your generation were all about technology and social media, but you still believed in sending postcards, taking pictures with polaroids and writing notes instead of having to use your phone or computer. You were constantly writing out emails and text messages for work and you’ve grown tired of technology and your devices, so you found yourself clicking on the link that led you to a website that gave you a list of people who were interested in finding a pen pal. Once you made your account, uploaded a photo and some information, you began exploring the website and seeing what they had to offer. 

After going through a few profiles, you grew interested in one in particular that just so happened to belong to the boy BamBam was referring to. You were quick to reach out to Mark and to your delight, he responded back in less than five minutes telling you that he just so happened to take a liking to your page also. What you had thought would just be a one time thing, turned out to be letters he would send once every two weeks. 

The longer the two of you wrote to each other, the more constant he would write to you. One letter every two weeks became three letters in one week and you’d find yourself waiting patiently for him to write to you. His letters seemed to be the only thing you looked forward to. Each and every letter you received from him never failed to bring a smile to your face and it wasn’t up until a month ago that you realized you were developing feelings for him. 

Although you had yet to meet him, he already found his way in to your heart and when BamBam mentioned finally getting to meet him, you couldn’t help but grin like a little school girl. Mark had a way with words. He told you he couldn’t even write essays as long as his letters and it was because he just had so much to tell you. If you were being honest, you were a great listener but at the same time, you’d find yourself getting bored of a conversation if someone were to talk about a topic you weren’t interested in for so long. 

There were even situations when BamBam would go in to depth about fashion and you tried your best not to seem like you weren’t interested, you just had no idea what he would talk about but you would always give him your undying attention nonetheless. However, you would read each and every single letter Mark had written to you over and over and you’d never get tired. He would tell you about his life, his job, his dreams and aspirations, memories from his childhood, the new puppy he just adopted name Milo, how living with his best friend Jackson was like and so much more. 

The two of you talked about exchanging numbers in order to text, call and FaceTime each other, but you both agreed that the whole point of the pen pal situation was because you both enjoyed waiting for each other to write back. It was unique, it was fun and writing back and forth with Mark was your little escape from reality. He did mention wanting to meet you, and finally getting to put a face to the letters and you too were curious of what Mark looked like. 

His avatar on his account was a picture of what you assumed to be Milo whereas yours was a picture of GusGus from Cinderella that you got off of the internet. You wanted to keep your identity somewhat of a secret from Mark because it added to the mystery and eccentricity of this whole experience. You were afraid of things changing between the two of you if and when you were to meet and you didn’t want things to stop between the two of you if he were to come to the realization that maybe you weren’t who he thought you were. 

It’s been almost two weeks since you’ve last heard from him and he informed you in his last letter that he was going to be busy for the next few weeks and that he was going to miss writing to you but that you could continue writing to him in the mean time. You’ve sent him at least three letters since he’s last written to you and it was in the moment that you found yourself missing him that you realized you saw him as more than just a pen pal. BamBam wouldn’t let you hear the end of it when you told him of your entire situation and he kept teasing you the minute he found out about your crush on Mark. 

“You haven’t even met the guy y/n. For all you know, he could be a 65-year-old divorced man with two kids living on a farm in Arkansas or even worse, he could be a serial killer trying to lure you in with his sweet and charming words. You do know we have social media for a reason, why don’t you search him up and see exactly who he is before continuing this weird ass relationship.” 

There were times that curiosity got the best of you and you wanted to go and search his name up on Facebook or Instagram, but you told yourself you would wait. BamBam however, was the definition of nosy and would meddle in everybody’s business even if he knew it was wrong to do so. For the business aspect, your boss loved the idea that BamBam would dig up dirt and search for any information that could throw competitors and ex-clients under the bus. What you could care less for, was when it came to your personal life. 

He hardly had anything to be nosy about when it came to you. You haven’t been in a relationship in years and all you had going for you was your job and your schooling. Unlike BamBam, you hated clubbing and going out to bars; you didn’t see the point in wasting your money on overpriced alcohol and pressing your body up against a random stranger. 

Staying in and watching reruns of Cake Boss while eating a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream was how you spent your days off. In BamBam’s words, you were practically a grandma. Even more so when he found out about your pen pal, but he was never once to force you in to anything you didn’t want to do and if you were happy, so was he. When BamBam suggested searching him up, you didn’t think he’d actually go along with it but then again, it was BamBam. What did you expect? Usually whenever he put his mind to something, he’d go along with it. 

“Wow y/n, if this is the guy, you’ve lucked out big time. Damn, if I were a girl, I’d go for him. Not to sound weird or anything, but he’s hot. You didn’t hear it from me though. But who knows, I could be looking at the wrong guy. I’m sure there are hundreds of Mark Tuans in the world.” 

A huge part of you felt like he was bluffing and only saying things like that to make fun of you. But another part of you wanted to yank his phone and see for yourself what he was talking about. 

“Come on y/n, I know you wanna see what he looks like. There’s no harm in taking a peek. Why are you so adamant on not knowing what he looks like? God, the two of you are honestly meant for each other, you’re both elderly people in young people’s bodies.” 

Once you reached the third page of your proposal, you decided to call it a day. As much as you wanted to hang out with BamBam, especially because he offered to treat you which was a very rare thing knowing how much of a cheapskate he was, you were tired beyond belief and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. Although he was disappointed when he heard of your plans, he couldn’t blame you for wanting to go right to bed and he wanted you to get some rest. 

He was also pretty happy he didn’t have to spend money, but he wasn’t going to tell you that. Like the gentleman he was, he took your things for you and led the way to his car. The car ride was quiet, which was unlike most of the rides he gave you considering how outspoken and talkative he could be. At a stop light, he reached for your hand and gently squeezed it as a nonverbal way to let you know that everything was going to be okay. 

There were moments where he’d open his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but after seeing your breakdown earlier, he probably decided that he’d give you some space and not aggravate you more than you already were. Around twenty minutes after the two of you left the office, he pulled up to your guest parking and gave you a gentle pat on the head. 

“Get some rest please? I’m tired of having to correct people when they assume you’re my mom—I swear you get more and more abusive the longer we’re friends for.” You let out a scoff as he rubbed the spot that you hit him at. 

“Nobody thinks I’m your mother asshole. Thank you for the ride home and for comforting me earlier. I really appreciate it Bam. I don’t know if I say it enough but I’m very thankful for all that you do for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He gave you a knowing smirk and cupped your cheek in his palm. There were times where people assumed that the two of you were dating by how much time you both spent together and because of the skin-ship you shared. 

The lingering touches and gentle kisses on your cheek and forehead every now and then weren’t those normally shared between best friends, but you’ve never questioned it. You and BamBam have been friends for almost 20 years, he never showed any romantic interest in you nor did you feel anything for him and you felt it was better off that way. 

The older boy was extremely supportive in each and every one of your endeavors and although you were slowly getting tired of how silly he was acting towards the entire Mark situation, deep down you knew he was just messing around with you and even if you didn’t admit it to him out loud, he had a hunch that you were falling for Mark. All BamBam wanted was for you to be happy and if Mark was the reason for your happiness, then he supported whatever it was going on between you both. 

“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. GROSS! Since you’re off tomorrow, if you’re feeling up for it maybe we can go try out that new sushi place. It’s kind of pricey so I’m not offering to treat, I’ll tell you that right now. I’m only a phone call away if you need me. Have a nice rest of your evening.” 

When he drove away, you released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. Honestly BamBam and Mark were the only people keeping you sane as of right now. If it wasn’t for BamBam’s endless amounts of support and Mark’s kind and motivating words, you’d be an alcoholic. You trudged up the stairs and debated on whether or not you should check the mail because you knew there was no way Mark could have written to you since he was still quite busy and you hardly ever ordered anything, so there wasn’t anything for you to look forward to. Yet you still found yourself making your way to the mailbox and lazily opened the box, not being expectant of anything. 

The minute your eyes landed on the single envelope, your heart felt as if it was about to jump out of your chest. You didn’t have to read who it was from, you could tell by the envelope alone that it was from Mark. He had a unique choice in cards and he would even draw cute little characters and they never failed to bring a smile to your face. Even if you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to flop right on to your bed, you were now wide awake and had every intention on reading his letter. 

You made a beeline up to your apartment and didn’t give yourself time to do anything before you rushed in to the door and practically jumped on the couch. For a guy, you felt that he had such neat hand writing and if you were being honest, his penmanship was adorable. You’ve mentioned it to him a few times in your letters and he was always quick to disagree. Something about the way he wrote a tiny heart next to your name always made your cheeks warm up. You found it hard to believe that he was turning twenty-seven in just a few months by the way he seemed so childish not only in his writing, but in the little doodles and the way he would write your address in bubble letters. After giving yourself a few seconds to calm your racing heart, you took the note out of the envelope and began reading.

“Dear y/n,                            July 12, 2019

Hey stranger, it’s been a while and I’d like to apologize for that. I’d say work was driving me insane, but I know you have it just as hard juggling your career and your education so there’s really no excuse. How have you been? I’ve missed writing to you and hell, I’ve missed you even more. Thank you for continuing to write to me over the last few weeks even if I failed to do so for you. I promise you I’ll send you so many letters this week the mailman will probably start hiding them out of irritation. Maybe I should pull a Harry Potter and have an owl deliver them to you so they can get to you faster. Just a little update, I got the promotion I told you about earlier which I’m pretty excited for and I know what you’re about to say; I’m sorry for not believing you when you told me that if anyone deserved the lead position, it was me. You know how I can get sometimes, especially when it comes to my job, but I’m very thankful that you see the best in me and you never fail to support me in each and every thing that I do.

I finally went out and tried the strawberry cheesecake ice cream from Baskin Robbins that you recommended and I’m so mad at myself for not trying it earlier. It’s sooooooo good. Oh, Jackson and I went to the bookstore the other day and I saw the fifth installment of the “Series of Unfortunate Events” books and I thought of you and how you finished the entire series in less than a week. You’re insane you know that? But you’re also pretty amazing. Jackson keeps bothering me about meeting you and I keep telling him when it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. I want you to know though that I can’t wait to finally meet you. Sometimes I forget how old I’m getting when I find myself bouncing off the walls the minute Jackson brings in the mail and I see your letters. I’m not rushing you, but I do have a break coming up here in a couple of weeks (hint, hint) so if you’d like to come up here to California for the holidays, I’d love to show you around ;).

Well, I’d better get going, I have more letters to write. By the way, I have a surprise coming your way in the next few days so be ready for it. Don’t forget to eat all your meals and try not to work so hard. Maybe I should come visit you instead and give your asshole boss a piece of my mind. Anyways, I hope you’re doing well and I don’t care how busy I am, I will make time for you. So if you’re ever feeling sad, upset, tired or lonely, just remember that I’m always going to be here for you. I may not be there for you physically, but just know you’re always on my mind every single day. I’m sure your workload is overwhelming right now, so feel free to take as long as you want to get back to me(but don’t take too long your letters are the only thing I look forward to) Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely, Mark.”

The tears were hot against your cheeks and you didn’t even realize you were crying until the words started to smear and you were quick to pull the letter away to prevent it from getting ruined. Sometimes you had a hard time believing this was all real and not a figment of your imagination. Pen pals were considered taboo; writing back and forth to a stranger about your life and things that went on in it wasn’t something you’d thought you’d be doing but here you were. Mark wasn’t even considered just your pen pal at this point, he was a friend, a confidant; your safe haven. 

His words never failed to move you each and every time he wrote to you, but something about this letter in particular was making you feel things in your heart that you’ve never felt before. For someone you’ve never met before, you felt as if you’ve known him forever. He seemed extremely sincere and always checked up on your mental health and physical being. 

Did things like this actually happen in people’s lives? Were there other people out there who had a unique relationship like you and Mark? The more the two of you would write back and forth to one another, the more you were afraid in actually meeting him. You didn’t want things to change. What if unlike in your letters, he wasn’t as invested in you and what if interacting with him was awkward and uncomfortable? 

You didn’t want to lose his friendship if he came to the realization that he preferred the postal version of you and not the actual you. You reread the letter at least five times and his words had a stronger effect on you each and every time you read it over again. He missed you? It wasn’t the first time he was cheeky in his writing, but this was the first time he admitted that he’s constantly thinking about you and waiting for your letters. But what did it mean? Was it possible for someone you’ve never met to develop feelings for you? 

Surely there was no way Mark could harbor any romantic feelings for you. He didn’t even know what you looked like; so what else other than your letters made him think about you constantly? You came to the decision that you weren’t going to overthink this entire situation and allow yourself to go to bed. All your worries were just going to have to wait until the morning. Unfortunately, your mind was running a mile a minute and there was no way you could find it in yourself to fall asleep. 

As much as you hated bothering him, you knew the only way you’d get to get your well deserved slumber was if you talked to BamBam and told him what happened. You crossed your fingers and hoped he wasn’t asleep and when you heard his raspy voice through the phone, a soft sigh of relief fell from your lips. 

“I’m so sorry to bother you and even more sorry if I woke you, I just—I couldn’t sleep.” He let out a soft giggle, nonverbally letting you know that it was fine. It wasn’t the first time you’ve woken him up in the middle of the night, and he was aware that he was the only one who you could trust in listening to you and getting you to calm down. BamBam felt honored that you could confide in him and he was even more appreciative knowing that you would do the exact same for him if he needed it. 

“You’re fine. You know you can reach out to me whenever you need to. I know I don’t expect anything from you, but just remember; I really like taro bubble tea with boba. 100% sweetness. But that’s besides the point. What’s up?” You nibbled on your bottom lip out of nervousness at the thought of his response to your dilemma, but everything just came flowing out of you. 

“I—I got another letter from Mark today.”

“That’s good! Isn’t that what you wanted? You’ve been acting so gloomy these days and I am completely aware it’s partially because of work, but you and I both know that Mr.Pen Pal has a lot to do with your melancholic mood. So why do you sound so upset?”

“He told me he misses me, that he has a vacation coming up and wants to finally get to meet me and that he can’t stop thinking about me. Isn’t that—doesn’t that sound weird? Like, we’ve never met each other in the flesh. All we do is write letters back and forth to one another. He’s never heard my voice, he has no clue what I look like and other than the information I write in my letters, he doesn’t know much about me but at the same time, he knows everything. Isn’t that strange? And what’s worse, is that I’ve been feeling something, something in my chest that I’ve never felt before and it scares me. He’s practically a stranger Bam! And like you’ve joked around about countless times, he could be hiding his actual identity. He might be writing me from jail, or in divorce court—“ 

Although you couldn’t see him, you’ve been friends long enough with BamBam to know that there was a huge chance he was frowning at your words. You were infamous for rambling on and on about the most unnecessary things sometimes. However, he knew you were genuinely confused and had no clue what to do about this entire situation. But BamBam, considering the joker he was who lived with the “you only live once” lifestyle had a gut feeling that your relationship with Mark was no longer just letters to a stranger. 

He witnessed how distressed you were over the last few weeks not receiving anything from Mark. He’s seen how happy you’d get when you finally did get a letter. He’s heard you squeal and giggle at Mark’s sweet words and he would observe the way you would bite your lip and scrunch your nose in excitement. You’d always go in to great detail about how intelligent, kind-hearted and charismatic Mark was and your eyes, there was always this particular glint in them whenever Mark came up in a conversation. 

BamBam has never been in love before. Hell, he’s never experienced being in an actual relationship, so he never knew what it felt like to love and to be in love with someone. Even if you weren’t in love with Mark, he knew you must’ve had some kind of feelings for him and if he was being honest, if it wasn’t love; he didn’t know what it was. 

“I don’t mean to interrupt you, but can I be honest? I think you’re in love with Mark. And before you can call me crazy and try to disagree, think about it. You don’t need to say it out loud, he’s constantly on your mind the way he claims you are on his. You practically live in front of your mailbox, waiting to get anything from him and don’t you think I didn’t see the small note he wrote for you in your wallet. You spend hours writing notes to him, not knowing exactly what to say because I’m sure you’re afraid of boring him or scaring him away and you’re worried at the thought of no longer having him in your life. If you didn’t love him y/n, you wouldn’t give two shits whether or not he were to stop writing to you nor would you be calling me up to vent about your concerns. I know it’s a lot to take in and it might seem weird because he’s a stranger, but is he really a stranger to you y/n? I feel like you know more about him and talk with him more than you do some of your family members. He makes you happy y/n, in ways that not even I can and I like the effect he has on you. Consider finally getting to meet him won’t you? If it doesn’t work out the way you want it to, then you can end this entire thing completely but I’m sure he will love the physical you as much as he does the person he writes to. Like I said, I’ll come to California with you! I wouldn’t mind going to Disneyland, but I come with a fee—so feel free to pay for my ticket. We can continue this conversation over breakfast tomorrow okay? I hope I helped, goodnight y/n.” 

The following week came and gone in the snap of a finger. You finished the proposal the day after your day off and turned it in just a few hours before your boss was expecting it. Since work was so hectic which you both hated and loved for obvious reasons, it took your mind off of the many worries going on in your head. A few days later, you received another letter from Mark and a box you assumed to be the surprise he wrote about in his last letter. When you opened the box and saw the snow globe that had a couple inside going around an ice skating rink, a huge smile rose on your face followed by a stray tear. 

“This snow globe can be your reality if you come to see me. I remember you saying you have yet to experience snow, so let me be the first one you share that experience with. It’s getting pretty cold up here, so pack wisely; but just know that I’m practically a human furnace and I’d love to warm you up ;). Sincerely, Mark.”

After getting breakfast with BamBam the morning after your little breakdown, you came to the decision that you were going to fly up to California and finally meet the man who owned your heart. You also came to the conclusion that BamBam was right. 

You were in love with Mark. 

You didn’t have to see him or interact with him physically to know that he was where your heart now resides. All those late nights you stayed up thinking about his passionate and heartfelt words, the feeling in your chest that’s been going on for the last few weeks, always looking forward to the mailman coming to see if he’s written to you, reading his letters over and over again to the point where you memorized each and every word. It all made sense. 

You didn’t care what would happen once you got there, your heart was stronger than your mind and it craved to finally meet him. In your recent letter, you told Mark about your plans, and you could only hope he was serious about wanting to meet you and not just messing around. Poor BamBam had to hear you go on and on about rethinking your decision and that it was going to be a mistake, but he did his best to reassure you that everything was going to be okay and that you were overreacting. 

Two weeks after you received a letter from Mark saying that he was over the moon at your decision to fly up to California, you and BamBam started to plan out your trip and put in your vacation time at work. Since you needed a quicker way to interact with him, the two of you ended up exchanging numbers to let him know when you landed so that he could pick you up at the airport. The idea of meeting him as soon as you landed both worried you and excited you. However, you couldn’t stop thinking that the car ride to your hotel was going to be awkward. Luckily BamBam was an amazing conversationalist and if you ended up not being able to converse with Mark, he could do it for you. 

You were extremely grateful that BamBam offered to go on vacation with you. Sure, he kept telling you that he’s been dying to take a vacation and that there were so many places in California that he wanted to visit,  but nonetheless you were glad that you had someone to go with you not only for safety reasons, but to keep you company and to console you if meeting Mark didn’t end up the way you expected it to. The entire months of November seemed to pass you by so quickly and before you knew it, you and BamBam were on a plane to California. 

“How are you feeling? You finally get to meet your Prince Charming, aren’t you excited? Oh don’t give me that look—what do I keep telling you? I swear to God I can’t wait to tell your kids one day about how their mom was so nervous to meet their dad—the first thing I’m going to warn mark about is how abusive you are. There’s really nothing for you to worry about, if things end up going to shit then what can you do? That’s life. But they’ll only end up that way because you made them that way. If you’re worried about what he looks like, like I told you before he’s hot—if I were a girl I’d go for him, if it is the same guy who’s Instagram I’ve been stalking for the last month. If he turns out to be some old dude let’s just hope he has money—ENOUGH WITH THE HITTING. Mark will love you for you, no matter what and if he doesn’t, he’s missing out on such a wonderful human being. I’ve already searched up bars in the area that we’re staying in just in case you need to get drunk. You’re welcome. Now try to sleep, we have a 7 hour flight and those eye bags aren’t cute y/n.” 

You gently squeezed his hand and rested your head on his shoulder. You wanted to retaliate against his playful comments, but you were too tired to even think of anything to fire back with. BamBam smiled softly at your now sleeping figure and playfully ran his fingers through your hair before falling asleep himself. After sleeping for what felt like hours, BamBam woke you up to let you know that the plane was landing soon. The nerves started to kick in again and you found yourself releasing a couple of deep breaths which BamBam got a kick out of. 

“How do I look? Is my outfit okay? Should I go change? How’s my hair? Do I have any dried up drool on my chin?” He gave you a look of disgust and brought his hands up to your face and pinched your cheek. 

“You look beautiful y/n. Especially for someone whose been on a plane for quite some time. Stop worrying, you’re giving me anxiety. No drool, you’re good. Now let’s do this.” Once the plane landed, you sent Mark a quick text saying that you and BamBam finally arrived in Los Angeles and gave him your gate number to which he responded immediately with a smiley face and a thumbs up. From the time you gave him your number up until now, he’d only send you emojis, funny videos or memes. The sweet, heartfelt messages were saved specifically for his letters and you liked it that way. BamBam stood up as soon as the plane landed but you yanked his arm and had him sit back down. 

“Come on y/n, why does it seem like I’m more excited to meet Mark than you are.” You rolled your eyes and motioned toward the line of people that was building up. 

“We’ve traveled together many more times than I can count and you still never learn. Everyone knows not to stand up to try and leave once the plane lands dumbass. I want to meet him, but three extra minutes won’t kill me. Don’t use him as an excuse, you just want to get off the plane.” 

After everyone practically cleared the plane, BamBam reached for both of your carry-ons in the storage bins and led you towards baggage claim. Your heart began racing, time was ticking down extremely fast and your anxiety was building up. You couldn’t help but wonder how Mark was feeling at the idea of meeting you. Was he just as nervous? Or was he excited to finally meet the person he’s been writing to for the last six months? 

When BamBam picked up both your luggage’s, the two of you made your way to the gate and when you saw the person holding a sign with your name on it, your breath hitched. You were so focused on the devastatingly handsome man who you assumed to be Mark that you failed to notice the huge grin on BamBam’s face. His smile was practically cheek to cheek at this point.

“You know, I should quit fashion and become an investigator of some sorts. I fucking knew it was him. I’m fucking amazing.” You let out a small snicker when you remembered the first time BamBam searched up his profile to make sure you weren’t interacting with some freak on the Internet. When he said Mark was good looking, you felt like BamBam was just playing around with you but now that you’re looking directly at him, BamBam’s words were an understatement. He had yet to notice you walking towards him and you were right about to wave him down until the most embarrassing thing possible happened. As much as you were thankful BamBam was there with you, you should’ve known the possibility of him embarrassing you was quite high. 

“Ayo Mark! Over here man!” You shoved the older boy and shamefully tried to hide behind him, but he dodged your movement and continued to wave at him. In your peripheral vision, you could see Mark walking towards you and you allowed yourself to take a look at him so you didn’t look stupid. God, he was beautiful and his smile was indescribable. He began jogging towards the two of you and before your mind could process anything, you were being pulled in to his embrace and he swung you around as if you were light as a feather. He was right, he was practically a furnace and you could feel your cheeks warming up at the feeling of his arms around your waist. 

“Wow, I—you are—wow—hi. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I just—hi. It’s nice to finally meet you. You are so beautiful. Jackson’s description of you doesn’t do you justice. Oh, hello! BamBam right? Nice to meet you too man. Y/n always raves about you in her letters. Thanks for always taking such good care of her. How was your guy’s flight?” 

You remembered Mark mentioning his roommate in a few of his letters and you couldn’t help but smile with the way he was interacting with your best friend. They had only just met, but during the walk to his car they talked as if they were good friends. You were shocked at how natural this all was and you felt so stupid for overreacting at the idea of meeting him. With the way he was acting so friendly and bubbly towards you, you regretted not meeting him sooner. 

Once the three of you made it to his car, he took the luggage’s from the both of you and told you to get settled in. When you took a seat in the front, you turned around and looked at BamBam with a content look on your face. 

“See, I told you. I fucking told you. This guy is perfect. Are you sure you need me here? You’re doing fine on your own. Maybe I’ll have him drop me off to the hotel and you can go with him and get to know each other if you know what I’m saying.” 

You knew exactly what the cheeky boy meant and you rolled your eyes at his words but your chest tightened up at the idea of being alone with Mark. When he made his way back in to the car, he handed you the beautiful bouquet of flowers and buckled up before starting the engine. 

“You’re giving these flowers a run for their money with how beautiful you are, you know that? Sunflowers are your favorite if I remember correctly right? It makes sense. You’re bright, you stand out and you light up an entire room. So, which hotel are the two of you staying at? I’ll drop you both off and then we can go get some lunch or something. I have a few things planned for us but if you guys have other things in mind then that’s fine too.” 

He wasn’t real, he couldn’t be. There was no way. Were you dreaming? Were you and BamBam still on the plane waiting to land? He was charming, gorgeous and quite the gentleman. This had to be a set up. Out of all the people in the world that you could’ve chose to be your pen pal, how did you end up with an actual Greek God who was driving you to the brink of insanity the longer you stayed in his presence? 

“We’re staying at the Grand Californian in Disneyland. We both got the 5 day park hopper pass, so feel free to join us. I’m sure y/n would enjoy it if you came. In more ways than one.” 

The last part came out as a whisper but you were sure Mark heard it and if looks could kill, BamBam would be six-feet-under. Hearing him giggle made your heart flutter; for someone who was just a few years away from thirty, he had the most adorable high pitched laugh and you knew you’d never get tired of hearing it. How could someone at his age be so damn cute? It wasn’t fair. 

“That sounds cool. I’m always up for Disneyland. Wintertime is the best time to go, so you both made a great decision in visiting right now. What do you think about snowboarding? My friends and I are planning to head up to big bear mountain this weekend and it’d be awesome if the two of you came. It’s actually where I planned on taking you to see the snow y/n. It’s one of the only places that actually snows around here, but if you’re not in to snowboarding or sledding, we can go somewhere that requires less physical activity and more sight seeing.” 

You could only pray that BamBam didn’t make his last comment seem dirty and secretly thanked God when all you heard was a soft snicker. The rest of the car ride seemed to go off without a hitch and conversation was mainly between Mark and BamBam, but you weren’t complaining. Since the airport was almost two hours away from your hotel, BamBam fell asleep around 45 minutes in to the drive and a part of you wanted to pretend you were sleeping so that things wouldn’t be awkward, but Mark had other plans. You were playing with your fingers out of nervousness when you saw Mark reach over the console to intertwine your fingers together. His laughter filled the car when he saw you practically freeze at the skin ship. 

“Is this okay? I’m sorry if it seems like I’m rushing things and if I’m being quite honest with you, I’m not normally like this. I’m very shy and extroverted around strangers but we’re not exactly strangers. You know more about me than most of my friends do. Hell, even more than some of my family members. I don’t know what it is, I just feel so comfortable around you. I’m sorry if I’m making it uncomfortable for you, but I’m very excited to spend these next three weeks with you.” 

His words, just like the ones in his letters were pulling at your heartstrings and you gently squeezed his hand to let him know that it was fine; and that you too were just as excited. To both your surprised, you brought his hand up to your lips and kissed the back of it. 

“I’m totally fine with it, really. It’s shocking to hear you’re a shy person when your letters say otherwise. If anything, I’m normally such the extrovert but you’re making me flustered. I’m excited too by the way. We can always ditch BamBam and hang out together, just the two of us.” 

Seeing his cheeks redden at your words made you feel at ease. Thankfully you weren’t the only one who was whipped. The two of you continued the conversation; he updated you on so many different things going on in his life and told you about all the different places he wanted to take you. 

“You have really small hands, but it’s cute. Honestly I think they fit perfectly in mine. You’re so cute you know that? If I wasn’t driving right now, I’d take all the time in the world to admire your beauty. Not to sound rude, but I’m glad BamBam is sleeping. He’d probably laugh at how cheesy I‘m acting right now. That’s why I didn’t want to bring Jackson. Jackson Wang is my version of BamBam and if you think BamBam is embarrassing, just wait until you meet him. I’m actually reconsidering having you meet him, he might just be the one that drives you away. But he’s been wanting to meet you from the moment I accidentally told him about you. I hope you know I’ve never been this way around anyone before. It’s just you. Only you have this effect on me and I like it.” He let out a soft sigh and began to graze your wrist with his thumb before continuing. 

“I um—I—fuck. You know what? I’ll just say it, I like you—no scratch that. I love you. I’m sorry if it’s weird to say considering we just met for the first time less than two hours ago, but I do. I fell in love with you y/n. Honestly right now is not the best time to admit it, but I’ve been bottling it up inside of me for the last few months and now that you’re finally here, I just needed to say it. This whole pen pal situation was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You—you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if we weren’t on the freeway, I’d show you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You were my sweet escape—my getaway from how shitty life could be and every single time you wrote to me, I had to prepare my heart from practically beating out of my chest. I always thought the idea of butterflies flying around in someone’s stomach was so childish and if I’m being honest, I didn’t think it was possible but shit—you cause actually elephants to run around in my tummy. I promise, I really don’t mean to rush things and feel free to stop me at any moment—“

Since the freeway was not as busy in your opinion considering the fact that Los Angeles had some of the worst traffic in the entire world, or so Mark has told you about many times, you took this chance to reach over and place a soft kiss on his lips. 

“I love you too. You can thank the loud mouth in the back for helping me come to the realization and I too thought it wasn’t normal to be in love with someone I’ve never met or knew what you looked like, but your words—they never failed to put a smile on my face. Whenever I was sad, or if work stressed me out too much, I’d go back to one of your letters where you included a terrible pun or a dad joke and I found myself smiling like an idiot. When I read your letter from a few weeks ago where you said you missed me and that you were constantly thinking about me, I knew that most pen pals and even friends don’t feel that way towards each other. I was afraid of meeting you—I felt like things wouldn’t work out between us but I really don’t know why I was so worried. Being around you is such an indescribable feeling; I can’t find it in myself to stop smiling. And you’re right, you are really hot—temperature wise. But I guess physically too. I just want to thank you, for always supporting me and being there for me even if we still had yet to meet one another. You make my life so much easier and I’m a lot more happier now that you’re in it.” 

You leaned over one more time to place a chaste kiss on his cheek and Mark let out a soft groan causing you to look at him in curiosity. “The next rest stop is in 15 miles, I really want to kiss you right now. You’re a dream come true y/n. I don’t think three weeks is going to be enough time for us to spend together I might need to follow you back home.” 

You softly bit your lip out of excitement before facing the other direction so that he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks at the thought of him wanting to spend more time with you. 

“I have my own room at the hotel if you wanna come and stay with me during the duration of our trip. Maybe then you can show me exactly how much I mean to you?” Right as he was about to respond to your cheeky remark, the groan from the back seat caused you both to laugh. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy for the both of you and I’ve been so supportive of your relationship from the start, but I swear to God if I hear y’all fucking through the walls I’m dropping you as a friend y/n. Lord, what did I sign myself up for. The two of you really are perfect for each other. And stop kissing him y/n. I don’t want him crashing before I can go to Disneyland. No more pda in front of me you freaks! Keep your eyes on the road lover boy. I’m going back to sleep, no more funny business you two!” 

Finally Mark took a cut off and ended up on a highway, bringing the three of you to a red light and Mark was able to steal a chaste kiss from your lips. When you felt him smile in to the kiss, you found yourself returning the ministration. 

“You think BamBam would hate us if I dropped him off at an in and out? I don’t think I can wait to relinquish in our love much longer and I don’t want to continue risking our lives having to kiss you especially since your lips are extremely addictive.”

“He’d be pissed! Don’t y’all dare even think about dropping me off—you horny little bastards can’t even wait half an hour more—you’re getting toilet paper as your wedding gift.” Even if he continued to embarrass you in front of Mark, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself at the idea of marrying Mark. It was still too early to think about your relationship together, but if things were to go in your favor, you wouldn’t mind getting to be the lucky girl who got to marry him.

A little more than half an hour later, you arrived to your hotel to both BamBam and Mark’s delight. After checking in and making your way to your rooms, BamBam gave you both knowing looks since you’re rooms were right next to each other. 

“It was nice meeting you Mark. You make y/n very happy. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. You guys are cute together. I’m going to get my well deserved rest. Let me know if you guys are actually going out for dinner. However, after hearing your conversation, you’ll probably eat each other instead—prepare yourself Mark, y/n is extremely aggressive but maybe you’ll be in to that. I’ll tell you both this right now if y’all get loud, I’m switching hotels. THIS IS A FAMILY HOTEL YOU FREAKS. You know, for someone who was so worried to meet this man, you’re taking things extremely well y/n. Okay, with the look on your face I’m going to take this as my leave. Have fun—but not too much fun—you know what? Don’t have fun at all. Suffer.” 

BamBam ran in to his room and left you outside of yours with Mark standing right behind you. You cursed BamBam under your breath for always saying the wrong things. “I know you said earlier that you were worried to meet me, but can I ask you why? like, can you go a little more in to detail? I mean, I was pretty nervous to meet you too, but much more excited.” 

You released a soft sigh before turning around to face him. Since you wanted to have Mark all to yourself before explaining your worries, you entered the room and sat down on the bed; quietly thanking him for bringing in your luggage before patting the spot next to you for him to sit down. 

“I don’t know, I just—I think it’s because I had a hard time believing this was happening. Our friendship—even right now. It’s too good to be true. But I didn’t worry about you, I know you were genuine and I know that the feelings I have for you are the product of how you’ve been treating me and taking care of me in the last few months. Every time I wrote to you, it didn’t feel like I was writing to a stranger. I felt like I was writing a letter to my best friend; someone who I can trust with my entire being. Someone who means a lot to me. But you’ve never gave me a reason to even question whatever it was going on between us. When I came to the realization that I was in love with you, I couldn’t stop thinking that it was wrong and that you’d want to stop things between us if you didn’t feel the same. I was actually afraid that you’d see me in person and think I was some horrendous looking creature and come up with some lame excuse to end our pen pal ship, if that’s even a thing—“ he lifted up your chin so that you were making eye contact with him before stealing a soft kiss from the corner of your mouth. This man was honestly going to be the death of you. 

“Jackson—he did the unthinkable the minute I told him about you but I can’t say it was unexpected. He always meddles in to my business so I should’ve known our situation would be no different. He searched you up on every social media platform and he wouldn’t stop raving about your beauty. I almost caved in and took a look for myself but you had a point in wanting to keep up the mystery. You want to know my real opinion of you y/n? I think you’re gorgeous. I can’t even fathom your beauty in to words. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and actually it goes beyond just your beauty. It’s how kind and gentle you are. Your words, although they were short, sweet and to the point, I couldn’t stop smiling at the way you would add in nonsense words to describe your boss with and your little drawings were always so cute. I could tell that you were an optimistic and passionate person with the way you’d talk about your goals in life and your plans for the future. I found myself wanting to be apart of it and although I’d find that weird in any other situation, with you it just felt right. Would you like to be my girlfriend y/n? The distance will be rough, but we’ll make it work. You’d make me the happiest man in the world if you said yes.” 

You internally screamed at the idea of dating the beautiful boy in front of you but you nodded quickly before connecting your lips together in a passionate and heated kiss. Your lips melded together so naturally; as if you’ve kissed one another many times and it was a feeling you knew you’d never get enough of. 

“I love you Mark. So much.”

“I love you too baby. Normally I’d be able to explain in to detail just how much, but you have me at a loss for words. Now, I think it’s time to wake BamBam up from his nap shall we?”

[sunshineharrry]

All Better

in which your son says some naughty words and dad!Harry is a the best dad

“This is fucking bullshit,” you hear your fifteen year-old mutter and you practically yelp from across the kitchen. 

“What did you just say!” You squeak. You’ve got a baby bouncing on your chest and a seven and eleven-year-old at the bar watching between you carefully, the older of the two with her jaw dropped. Harry is at the kitchen table with the twins who are too far engrossed in the cartoon on the tv to hear your son’s profanity, but you both seem to have caught it. 

Your son, Jack, freezes up, obviously not expecting you to have heard him. He turns around, facing his parents.

“Excuse me?” Harry snaps, his stern voice causing the two children at the bar to snap their heads in their father’s direction. 

“I-I didn’t mean to,” your eldest stammers. “It slipped.” 

“You’re about to be grounded for two weeks,” You snap. His brow wrinkles and his lip snares, just like his father’s does when he’s angry. 

“It’s just not very fair that—“

“Life’s not fair, mate, and I’d watch the way you talk to your mum if I was you,” Harry cuts him off. Jack gapes at Harry, looking at him like he’s got two heads. Harry hardly ever has to use his stern voice with your eldest, they’re more like lads than anything. “go to your room.” 

 “Are you serious, dad?” He gapes.

 “Yes, I’m bloody serious! Go!” Harry’s yelling now and the baby lets out a wail at her daddy’s outburst. 

 “Jesus Christ,” Jack mutters, stomping out of the kitchen and up to his bedroom, but not before getting the last word in with, “This family is such a joke!” 

 Harry glares after him as he leaves and his nostrils flare when he hears your son slam his bedroom door. If not for the two toddlers on his lap you think he would have chased after him. 

 The kitchen is filled with an awkward tension between the two girls sitting at the counter finishing their breakfast and you and Harry, but you busy yourself with trying to calm the baby. 

 “Sorry, girls,” Harry says after a moment. “Didn’t mean to yell.” 

 “S’alright, Daddy,” the seven-year-old, Allie, says. “He said naughty words.” 

 “Yes, and we don’t say naughty words, ‘specially to our Mumma,” Harry nods. “He’ll have to apologize to her.” 

 “Harry,” you say, handing the baby off to Laney, the eleven-year-old. “Could I speak to you in our room?” 

 Harry settles the almost four-year-olds onto the table bench and follows you down the hall to your bedroom. He doesn’t notice the tears in your eyes til he’s shut the door behind himself.

 “Baby,” he frowns, reaching out to cup your face. “Don’t take it personally. He’s just a teenager. Teenagers can be wankers!” 

 “He’s usually so sweet, though! Maybe I was being unreasonable. Maybe we should push back his curfew thirty minutes, so he’ll be on time.” 

 “Woah, woah, woah,” Harry shakes his head. “We can’t reward him for being late. He was an hour late and he didn’t call. He knows the rules, he broke them, and he knew there would be consequences.” 

 “He’s fifteen, though, he’s just a kid—“

 “Kids have to follow the rules their mums and dads set, baby. We have six of ‘em, you should know that,” Harry teases, but he’s not bending on this, you can tell. 

 “He cursed at me,” You huff, your bottom lip trembling. “What happened to my sweet baby boy?” 

 Harry sighs and pulls you into his chest, petting your hair down with one of his hands. 

 “I know he upset you,” Harry says. “I bet he’s upstairs regretting it already. Even good kids slip up sometimes, but we’ve still got to punish him, alright? Or he’ll turn really rotten.” 

 You nod against his chest. He’s saying things you know. They’re things you’ve had to stress to him over the years. Harry is not great at enforcing rules and punishment upon children under the age of thirteen, it seems. 

 “Lemme go talk to him first, alright? I’ve got to apologize for shouting at him, anyways.” 

 You nod against Harry’s shirt and he presses a kiss to your head. When you exit the room, you head back to the kitchen to clean up breakfast and harry heads upstairs.

 Harry knocks twice on the door before opening it. Your son is in his rolling chair, sat facing away from his desk typing away at his phone, no doubt texting about how awful his life is to his mates. He swings around to face Harry, his face hard and angry. He looks so much like Harry’s younger self that it’s scary, but all Harry can see is his wife’s attitude seeping out of him and her bottom lip jutted out. 

 “Jack,” Harry says, stepping to his room and shutting the door behind him. He sits down on the bed and jack is swung to face him. “Let’s have a chat.” 

 “Is it going to be a chat or are you just going to shout at me?” 

 “When have I ever just sat her and shouted at you?” Harry snaps. Jack shrugs in response, looking close to uninterested, and Harry really did not come in here to shout, but his son may drive him to it. 

 “You’re at fault here,” harry frowns. “You missed curfew, pal. When you miss curfew on Friday you don’t get to go out on Saturday. You knew the rule and you broke it.” 

 “It was an accident,” he defends, sitting forward. “I said it won’t happen again.” 

 “I’m sure it won’t next weekend when you can go out again.” 

 “That’s so stupid!

 “You’re acting awful,” Harry states. “You were mean to your mum, argued with her, cursed at her, made her cry. She’s downstairs rethinking her parenting style and wondering if she’s capable of raising six kids because you called her family a joke.”

 For the first time since Harry’s come upstairs, his son’s anger cracks. He bites his lip and sits back, eyes looking a tad guilty.

 “Mum cried?”

 Harry nods.

 “Look, I get it if you have some teenage rage, or whatever. Hormones. But you won’t be mean to your mum. I won’t put up with it,” he says. “We discipline you because we love you, even if you don’t agree. Your curfew is reasonable, probably later than other kids your age. Your mum sits up for you to come home every time. When you’re an hour late, can you even imagine the scenarios she has playing in her head?” 

 “I-I didn’t think of it that way,” he stammers, starting to look sheepish. “I didn’t mean to upset her, really. I was speaking without thinking and being a dick.” 

 “I know,” harry agrees. “You’re a kid. Kids do stupid stuff. That’s why you have parents to correct your stupid behavior so that you don’t turn out to be a criminal.” 

 Jack cracks a smile at that. 

 “Sorry, dad,” he says sincerely. “For talking back and for being rude and for missing curfew.” 

 “S’alright, buddy, but I’m not who you ought to be apologizin’ to. She’s downstairs, probably researching books on how to parent because she thinks she’s failed you. Care to go ease her mind?” 

 When they climb down the stairs, Harry’s arm slung over his boy’s shoulders, they find the girls in the living room watching a movie with the two little twins tucked between them. It’s started to rain outside, but you’re sitting on the covered back porch on the sofa with the baby. She’s just finished her bottle and passed out on your chest. Harry is right, you’re scrolling through books on amazon about raising teenagers when they find you. 

 “Hi, angels,” Harry greets, stepping in front of you and reaching for the baby. “Let me go put this one down for her nap and you two talk.” 

 You hand her off to your husband and watch as your son takes a seat next to you on the sofa. 

 “Hi, mum,” he says softly. “Wanted to apologize for earlier and last night.” 

 You feel tears nip at your eyes and you let a corner of your mouth rise, nodding at him to continue. 

 “I was a real wanker. I should’ve been paying more attention to the time and I should’ve called when I realized how late I was. I shouldn’t have argued about the punishment and I really shouldn’t have cursed at you in the kitchen. Also, our family is not a joke. It can be a bit much, but it’s a good family. You’re a good mum, and I’m really sorry for upsetting you.” 

 The tears that formed throughout his rambling start to fall and he really looks sorry then. 

 “Oh, no, mum, don’t cry!” He says, leaning across the sofa and wrapping his arms around you. He’s just like Harry, you think, and almost laugh as he tucks you right into his chest and neck. He grew taller than you years ago, but it still makes your heart hurt that he’s so grown. 

 “‘M really sorry, mum,” he mumbles again, and you squeeze him back tight. 

 “S’alright, baby,” you sigh pulling back from his hug and kissing him right on the forehead. “Thank you for apologizing. It’s okay.” 

 “Okay, good. Love you, mum.” 

 “Love you more, Jacky.” 

 Harry opens the back door right about then. 

 “All better?” He asks, smiling down at you two. You wonder all the time how you got so lucky marrying that man fifteen years ago. 

 “All better,” you agree.

///

HI I’m trying to make myself express my creativity in quarantine and I’ve been dying to write again forever. This feels SO GOOD to finish and post even if it’s just a little fluff piece. I have like 100 unfinished ideas in my google docs, might just start trying to turn them into real projects. If you liked this please let me know!!!! xoxo AB

[lifebeginsbyleaving]

A Pirate Walked Into A Bar...

This is for @sterek-bingo I didn’t have time to completely finish it, but all tags are included. This is almost 25k words, so make sure you got the time lol. Anyway I hope you like it! I’m so excited to finish this, so my hope is to have it completely done by the end of june.

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"Shit, shit, fuck, FUCK!" Stiles vaulted over the boxes blocking the alley way. His eyes scanned the path as fast as they could, looking for any possible escape. His breath was coming out in harsh waves. His legs were stinging.

"You there! Stop!" The voice came from closer than he would've liked. It was followed by the clatter of people giving chase.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckity fucking ell." He was too far from the sea, and with the way he was running he had no idea if he was getting closer or farther away. Stiles darted down another alley way, this one much narrower and more cluttered with dirt and boxes. It was like the walls were slowly closing in and soon he would have no where else to run.

The clattering was getting closer, but they were still out of sight as Stiles kept weaving down different paths.

There was a crossroads up ahead. If Stiles pushed fast enough he could get through the crossroad and down the next alley fast enough that they would have to split up.

He darted out into the road just as a cart came barreling through. It knocked him off his feet. God bless the fuckin queen, that hurt his hip! As he tried to get up he looked around. A big red sign posted at the top of one of the buildings drew his eyes.

He knew where he was.

"Stop that pirate!" A voice boomed from directly behind him. The few people who were around all turned their eyes to him. The people just looked on, not even caring if he was caught.

Stiles scrambled up and grabbed his hat. As he ran to his new charted path, he kicked the wagon's gate down and apples spilled all over the road. He didn't even slow his pace as he leaned down to grab an apple. He took a bite and turned around still moving. He smiled around a bite of apple before he hurled the rest right at the crown's guard leading the charge. He turned back around, not even seeing if it hit him. The answering annoyed, 'Stiles!' was enough.

He took off, once again laughing. He could hear the clatter of at least two guards slipping on apples as the rest followed him again.

Stiles had never been so grateful for being knocked on his ass. He would've never seen that sign if he wasn't. All he needed, all any self respecting pirate, would need is just one point. One point to let them know where they are, to find out where they need to go. And Stiles' Northstar was the, 'Shoddy shirt and chantey shanty,' big red sign with bold letters and a half naked lady on it.

They were within sight so he needed to lose them first. He sped seemingly at random through alleys and in and out of houses and businesses that were most welcoming at his unexpected and late polite visit.

Stiles vaulted a dinner table.

"Get the fuck out! Thief! Guards! There's a thief in my house!"

"Pirate!" Stiles called over his shoulder as he burst out the back door with huffing breath.

They were greatly slowed down by having to clatter after him through a house and finally they could still hear him, but not see him.

Stiles looped back and finally started towards where he wanted to go. He could taste the salt water and feel the sea calling to him behind him, but he could not go that way. He would never make it through the dense quarter at this time. Either someone or one of the many crown's guard would stop him. He could barely hear the thud of boots over the harsh panting of his breath, but he still felt as if they were on his heels nonetheless. He could tell he was getting tired, but he needed to push on.

Just as he was turning a guard came crashing into the wall right behind him.

"Oh fuck."

Two of the guards must've tried to get around him, but failed. They didn't make it in front of him, but they were right at his back.

If this didn't work exactly he was screwed.

He took two quick turns in succession and finally he was close.

He shot down the alley to the left and quickly concealed himself in an alcove.

When they ran past he quickly and as quietly as he could, made it to the alley now on his left, which he would've gone straight into before his misdirect.

There was a man blocking the path up ahead, emptying a barrel into a trash bin. He could hear them turning around and shouting at each other that he went back. The man turned to put the trash bin back inside the door he was keeping open showing a warm glowing room. Stiles didn't slow his pace as he plowed right towards the man. He was closing the bin when Stiles barreled into his chest and grabbed his shirt and the door behind the man. Stiles quickly went backwards into the lit room, hauling the man along with him by his shirt and tugging the door right behind them. The door latched and there was a thud as Stiles pressed the man against the door and followed his body with his own.

"Don't make a sound." The man's eyes were wide with confusion, but as the boots and yells went cluncking by he seemed content to just hold his breath.

Stiles tried to slow and quiet his own breath as he pressed closer to the man trying to stay out of the windows view as they went by.

Stiles counted the sets of footfalls as they went by, and when the final pair cleared he let out a heavy breath.

"Well, that's one way to finish your day." Stiles let out a laugh.

The man was still pressed against the door like they were about to burst through it. Stiles could hear muffled movement out in the hall.

"What the fuck Stiles!"

"Oh calm down. I'm only in trouble if they catch me, sourwolf."

FIVE MONTHS AGO

Derek's shoulders ached and his eyelids begged to close, but he had to finish carting the heavy barrels before he could go to sleep. His family could no longer afford to rent the cart and steed they normally did to haul the weeks brews from their distillery to their bar. With the raging war outside their lands laying waste to their country, and the war inside it barely held back by the tentative so called peace and the people poorer than they had seen in decades, no one could afford anything.

If anyone saw a man carting a barrel on each shoulder it would certainly give him away, so he had to finish under the cover of dusk. It was very late but with his bed calling him like a siren's song, he finished earlier than normal. He was about to go up the steps to where his family slept above the bar, when he realized there weren't as many heartbeats as there should've been. That was odd. Usually everyone was in bed by now.

He slowly crept back down and tried to listen, but he could only see the light coming from the room in the back of the bar that functioned as his mother's office. He slowly opened the window he knew wouldn't make a sound and tried to pick up something.

"-rate we won't make it three months!" That was Laura's voice, she sounded stressed and upset.

"Be that as it may, we need actual solutions, not just more problems." That was his mother's voice calming and commanding, but no less stressed which worried him. His mother didn't get stressed.

"I've already told you what we need to do!"

"No. I won't do that. You know that."

"Mother! Please just consider it. The pirates make enough plundering the seas, but now they're taking our livelihood with their cheap smuggled moonshine! We could at least ask them to stop. Look, I know that they do some good keeping the crown's guard occupied and when they help, but this is our survival we're talking about! If we're to remain in this city we have to consider our options."

He could hear his mother sigh as though there was a weight on her chest he never knew was there. "Laura, you'll make a great alpha one day, but you must consider grander things than just your pack if you're ever going to be more than that."

More than an alpha? What was she talking about?

"What would you have me do anyway? We don't know all of the pirates. Would we talk to the pirates? Reason with them? Run them out of town? Which could expose us, and then where would we be? Put to death."

His mother seemed to soften her face. "I know you want to fix this, but we can't. We must wait. He will come, I'm sure of it. We have to wait here for him and I know that's not the answer you want, but it's the only one I have."

Who was he? Who would come?

His dad which had only been a heartbeat he could hear on the other side of the room came closer and wrapped Laura in his arms. "We'll be okay little wolf. Your mother has a plan."

He could hear Laura's heartbeat relax, but the worried look his parents shared while Laura's head was tucked into his shoulder had his beating faster.

His mother came over and rested all of their heads together so they could focus on each others heartbeats and calm down.

Just as they had gotten settled, his mother's head shot up and her eyes glowed directly at him. "Derek?"

They saw him now and he didn't want to pretend like he hadn't heard it anyway.

He opened the door and walked in. "So everything you said about the war being the reason we are going out of business is a lie? It's really filthy pirates and their bootleg pisswater they call liquor?!"

"Derek!"

He was so angry he didn't even feel sorry for his outburst. "What? What mom, you want me to calm down about my family about to lose their home and business because of some no good thieves that like to think they're important because they have a boat and get away with it! They're the scum of the seas!"

Laura turned to him. "You sound like Captain Whittemore."

That stopped the boiling of his blood with what felt like a slap. He hadn't realized he had almost directly quoted the man that would like nothing more than to skin his entire family alive.

"I-I um-"

"You, need to calm down." His mother flashed her eyes at him and he felt the shame of his outburst. It wasn't their fault and he finally realized they were as scared as he was.

His father started to lead him upstairs. "They'll figure it out son. Don't worry about it." His father had no eyes to flash at him, but he felt it as a command anyway.

When they made it upstairs his dad checked the girls' room. He could see his cousin Lily in bed, but Laura's was predictably empty.

His father followed him to his room and checked for Thomas, who was of course curled up in his bed instead of his own. With them all accounted for he gave Derek a hug and bid him goodnight.

His muscles protested even moving his small sleeping brother.

His eyes opened wide, but seeing Derek he calmed. "What took you so long?"

Derek let out a small laugh. "I'd like to see you haul all of those barrels champ."

Thomas started to crawl out of his bed.

"You can stay."

Thomas looked at him confused and with his bed head he looked adorable. "You usually kick me out."

"That's because you actually kick me in the neck. But you can stay tonight."

Thomas didn't think twice. He crawled right back into the middle of the bed and Derek didn't have it in him to care. He got changed into his sleep clothes and gently moved a yawning Thomas over. He protectively curled around him and got settled in.

A small sleepy voice spoke. "Are you letting me stay because of whatever has mom, dad, and Laura so worried?"

Thomas had none of the enhanced senses that his siblings and cousin had, but he always could sense things. In some ways he was more in tune with things than any of them. "No I'm letting you stay so the kraken under your bed doesn't eat you." He smiled when Thomas turned to him to give him a flat look. "And there's nothing to worry about." He put an arm around Thomas and pulled him as close as he could. "Go to sleep Tommy."

Thomas let out a yawn and soon his heartbeat was slowed.

He was still seething with the new found enemy, at finally having a channel for his anger, but seeing Thomas sleeping peacefully he calmed. Derek placed a kiss on his forehead and spoke once more before letting his brothers heartbeat lull him to sleep. "We'll protect you."

---

Derek awoke the next morning to a forceful pain in his neck. He shot up with claws and glowing eyes. He looked around wildly. Once he new everything was okay he flopped back down and pulled a pillow on top of his face with clawless fingers.

The sound was muffled, but no less frustrated, "Ughgshghh omas at urt!"

Derek moved the pillow to see Thomas was still sound asleep with his head on the opposite side of the bed and his foot close to Derek's face. Derek shoved it off the bed and he didn't even stir. Derek got up with a huff and got changed. He headed downstairs to start his work.

He kissed his mother's head where she was bent over her desk. When she looked up at him his head tilted towards the floor. She brought her wrist up and rubbed it against his neck. Once he looked up she wrapped her hand around the side of his neck and gently stroked his jaw. "Don't worry. We will handle it."

Derek opened his mouth to protest, but decided not to. "Okay."

She smiled and pulled his head down to kiss his forehead. "Good. Now go help your sister so she can head to the distillery."

In the face of all their budget cutting Laura took the brunt of the distillery work. She only helped set up the bar in the mornings while his mother sorted paperwork. Once she went to the distillery the bar was managed by Derek till the end of work rush and then his mother helped. His father was a teacher, but was recently let go so if he didn't have an odd job or two he helped out when he wasn't giving the younger two kids lessons.

They were all constantly working nowadays, just to barely make ends meet. Derek could remember even just a couple months ago when things were good, but there was supposedly some big peace meeting in a couple months that had tensions rising and the people preparing for an all out war. As the months dragged on things got tighter and tighter. Now, he just wished the noose closing around their necks was on the filthy pirates stealing their lively hood. But Derek had to put that all away to get though the day, it was much too heavy for this early.

The mornings were always slow. There was nothing really to do except get set up for the day. Pretty soon Laura was leaving him in charge of the two barflies, Kevin and Mark, that seemingly never left the place. It was slow up until it wasn't. The lunch rush came like it always did, all at once. Even though it wasn't as much as it had always been, Derek was busy. It wasn't until two that he finally felt like he wasn't rushed off his feet.

He was just pouring a refill for someone as the bar doors slammed open. All eyes in the bar turned to the stranger in the entryway as he quickly closed the doors behind him. He was out of breath, but acting like he wasn't. After a pause as he surveyed the room, he started to saunter towards the bar, but as shouting crown's guard walked past he sat down with a clatter at an occupied table. His back was to the door as he slung an arm around the man sitting there.

"Hi, how ya doing?"

The man sneered and started to pull away. The stranger pulled out a coin and flicked it onto the table in front of the man with his thumb. "Have a drink on me pal." The coin was worth at least three drinks and the man swept it up with a smile.

The man was pleased with his presence then, and tried to get him to stay, but as soon as the shouting stopped he resumed his path towards the bar. "Sorry, I can't stay friend."

He reached the bar and knocked on it as if Derek wasn't already looking at him. "Three things call me: the sea, rum,-" He reached up to point towards a middle shelf rum. "And f-"

Derek caught his wrist before he could pull it back down. "You're a pirate." Derek said the word with a sneer as he looked down at the brand.

The stranger quickly schooled his startled expression. "Nonsense. The P stands for pretty, my face was such a distraction Captain Jackson Whittemore had to brand it into my skin. I am a fine upstanding citizen of this country just like you all. God bless the rightful queen." He lifted his other hand like he was toasting the drink he did not possess yet.

"So I could just call those guards back here?"

The stranger tutted like he was speaking to a child. "Now is that any way to treat a paying customer?"

Derek flung the arm that had still been firmly in his grip. "Your money is no good here." He spit his next word out like vitriol. "Pirate."

That only made the stranger smirk with a fire like look in his eyes. "Have I bed your wife? You seem to be very angry with someone you don't know."

Derek grit his teeth.

"No that's not it. Perhaps I refused to bed you?"

Derek's veins burned as did his cheeks. The other patrons seemed to chuckle at the barb, finally turning back to their drinks.

"No, that's not it either." The stranger leaned over the bar into his space to speak softly. "I wouldn't have refused." He tossed a suggestive wink and as he leaned back his eyes raked up and down Derek in a way that made him feel naked.

"Maybe I bed your sister."

Derek closed his eyes because he knew they would bleed blue. He quickly clenched his claws into his fists, hoping the stranger didn't see them.

"Get out before I make you." Derek snarled around teeth. This was one of the filthy people taking his family's business and he came to flaunt it in his face with jokes. Derek would rip his throat out with his teeth if it wouldn't put his family in more danger.

"Hm, no. I think we can come to an agreement. I-"

"I will call the guards back here." Derek could finally open his eyes and it was to a smile that had no right to be that disarming or that smug.

"You see, I don't think you will." The stranger gave a meaningful look down at his hands and when Derek looked he then tapped on the bar before scrapping against it with his fingernails. "I think you're about to pour me a drink."

Derek was just about to pull him into the back alley to beat that smirk right off his face when the pirate lifted a heavy coin purse to the bar. As soon as it clanked down the ties loosened enough to see in. It was enough gold coins for a third of their expenses for the entire month.

"I think you're going to pour me a house rum while taking my coin. Because between me and you, I think you'd rather have a filthy pirate drink here than have everyone you know brought before the Captain."

Derek couldn't help the fear that filled his chest as he said that. Every single were brought before the Captain was never seen again. Well, sometimes there would be a piece of jewelry or a blood stained article of clothing given to the uninvolved human family members if it was something they didn't know about. But if they had so much as a hint, they were gone too. The Captain was known for killing anyone who was even suspected of being in league with supernaturals. He was called the Kanima Captain, because almost like a reptile, he left no trace of people, seemingly swallowing entire families whole. Derek only had a moment to consider as the crown's guard filed back past.

The pirate seemed to give him an amused look like he didn't care if Derek called them in here. Like he would be just as happy running away.

"Fine." Derek snarled back swiping the coin purse.

The pirate smiled and threw down some more coins from a pocket. "And another round for the tavern filled with friends I've made." The pirate looked back to see if his bribe would work and the people cheered and tipped their glasses up in appreciation.

Derek poured his drink closer to the top than he normally would if not to just keep him from speaking that much longer.

As he turned back, the pirate was already mid story with Mark, who could barely keep his head up. The pirate must've taken the wobble his head does towards the bar as a nod of encouragement. He turned with sharp eyes to Derek who was wearing the most malicious look he had.

The pirate's lips only stopped moving once the glass was being tilted back and resumed as soon as it was empty.

Derek didn't move his spiteful stare away from the pirate, he knew better than to take your eyes off a thief.

The pirate finished his story and turned back to Derek. "You know if you look at me any more intensely I'll assume you want something. We already know about your scorn for pirates and their supposed thievery, so you must not want me to steal something for you. I already gave you money. I suppose there is one more thing I'm famous for." The pirate gave him a lecherous grin.

"The only thing I want from you, pirate, is for you to get out of my bar."

"Well, I think one drink is much too soon for you to take me back to your place. I mean, even if you were to try to take advantage of me, one drink is not enough to get me disoriented. I am a pirate after all." The pirate scrunched his nose mockingly as he said pirate.

"Oh I'm sure there isn't enough rum in the world to make you act even more as indecent and appalling as you do sober."

He smirked at Derek. "Not nearly."

Derek rolled his eyes and continued on with his job. He couldn't wait for the pirate to leave. As luck would have it, he just tossed down way too many coins and ordered himself another round.

Derek dutifully poured it.

Derek was on the other side of the bar pouring a drink when Thomas came down. The wolf inside him panicked. He wanted to be in between his pack and the pirate that seemed nothing but trouble.

"Tommy aren't you in the middle of lessons with Dad?"

Thomas shrugged. "I was hungry. He told me to ask you for something."

Derek seemed frazzled. "Right okay, there should be some dried meat over there. Grab it and go back upstairs." Derek tried to finish with the group, but they kept asking him questions.

"I can't find it."

Derek was about to huff at him to look with his eyes when he remembered Laura grabbed the snack on her way out. "Okay sorry bud, I didn't get time to pick up anything else. Just giv-"

"Here."

Derek stiffened at the voice. He turned to see the pirate washing an apple with his soft flowy shirt. He held it out to Thomas.

Derek put the pitcher down and moved towards them quickly. "Tommy don't take that."

Thomas seemed to look at the pirate appraisingly. He took the apple and smelled it.

"Tommy!"

"What? It's just an apple." He took a bite and Derek felt his heart fall out. He rushed the rest of the way to Thomas.

"What did I say? Huh! I told you not to take it!" All he could smell was the sweet scent of fruit, but there were many scentless poisons. He went to snatch it out of his hands, but Thomas moved it and stuck out his tongue.

"Easy friend. I did not mean to offend you. He seemed hungry."

Derek turned turned to the pirate and snarled in his face. "Do not, call me friend!"

The pirate held up his hands, and Derek wanted nothing more than to just rip them from his body. Something about this man irritated him so much. Just the way he looked got under his skin.

"Whoa, you're scaring me." Thomas' eyes looked shiny. "Did I do something wrong?" Thomas' voice went small as he looked at the pirate. "Is he a bad man?"

The look on the pirate's face looked totally foreign to anything Derek thought it could look like.

"No, I'm not. I just said some rude things to your brother. He made me feel like I was wrong just because of what I am, so I said some things I shouldn't have. I am sorry for what I said though... Well. most of it. Some of it. Do you think your brother will forgive me for what I am and what I said?" The pirate didn't take his eyes off Thomas and it made his wolf bristle at how earnest he was looking at his brother. Like he actually cared what he said.

Thomas looked confused. "That doesn't sound like Derek. He would never hate anybody for what they are. Just who they choose to be. He can seem kinda mean sometimes though. But he's not. He even let me sleep in his bed last night even though I always kick him!"

Derek's cheeks flamed once again.

Stiles glanced up at him. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. So I'm sure he will forgive you for what you said. Well, as long as you didn't say anything about his family." Thomas laughed. "He once gave Louis, the butcher's son, a knuckle sandwich for saying Laura couldn't do better than him."

"Well, what if I tried real hard, even if I did that, would he forgive me?"

He seemed to consider. "I think so. Derek's the best big brother ever. He never stays mad at me." Thomas looked up at him so adoringly his heart almost melted.

"Well then, I guess I should apologize."

Derek was brought away from Thomas to look at the pirate. "No need. Pirate."

Thomas' eyes went wide. "You're a pirate?" He spoke in a hushed awed tone.

He booped his nose. "Sure am, kiddo."

"Is the kraken real?" Thomas asked in a rush.

The pirate laughed and leaned down from his bar stool after glancing around to see if anyone was looking. He whispered into his ear. "She sure is, but between me and you, she's a total sweetheart."

Derek put an arm on the pirate's shoulder to pull him back. "Tommy, go finish your work."

"But Derek-"

"Thomas." Derek spoke with a commanding voice.

"Ugh fine." Thomas turned to the pirate before leaving. "What's your name?"

"Well, your brother just calls me pirate, but my name is Stiles."

Thomas' face scrunched up as Derek spoke, "What the hell is a Stiles?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "What's your name kid?"

Thomas beamed before holding out his hand. "My name is Thomas, but Derek calls me Tommy."

Stiles smiled. "Should I call you Tommy?"

Derek moved in between them and put his hand on the bar. "You shouldn't call him anything."

Thomas wedged underneath Derek's arm. "You should call me Thomas." Derek had an annoyed scowl on his face.

"And you can call my brother D-" Thomas' eyes widened slightly and Derek's arm tightened around him. "Miguel. You can call him Miguel."

Stiles raised an eyebrow. "Miguel?"

Derek tightened the arm around him as he spoke with clenched teeth. "Miguel."

"I can't breathe, you meanie. Let me go." Thomas landed a boney elbow right between his ribs and as soon as he doubled over he scurried back up the steps.

As Derek was regaining his breath he realized how close he had gotten to the pirate. He took two steps back.

"Relax. I only bite if you make me." His gleaming teeth somehow seemed more threatening than half the wolves he's met.

"Finish your drink and then leave. I'm not asking."

Stiles swallowed it all down then stood. "Well, I'm not one to overstay my welcome."

"You did that the moment you stepped foot in here."

Stiles let out a laugh. "Man, what do you have against pirates?"

"You are dirty thieves that don't think about how you hurt anyone else. You don't care about anyone and no one cares about you."

The pirate slapped his hand down on the bar. "You know it's bigots like you who don't think to even try to understand someone before going right to judging. I would think you would know better, but apparently not. You know, not all pirates are just the trash that this society throws out to the seas, sometimes we leave because we know this society is the trash and needs to be fixed. I don't take down the little fishing boats trying to make a living. I take down the royal ships so laden with treasures they've stolen from other lands just because they have less firepower! I take down ships with enough money to help the kingdom, but the Argents would rather hoard it for power!"

Derek took his arm harshly. "If you're going to flaunt that you're a pirate a few drinks might make them forget, but if you want to talk about just who you steal from I'd lower your voice. Most don't give a damn, but some care for the Argents."

The pirate still had rage in his eyes as he looked at the attention he had grabbed, but he nodded at Derek and stormed through the doors.

Derek's day passed like all of the ones before and soon enough he was tossing out the days trash and then getting ready for bed for it to all start over again tomorrow.

He kissed Thomas on the head and crawled into bed.

"Psst. Derek."

Derek opened his eyes. "Yes Tommy?"

"We met a pirate today!"

Derek couldn't help the churning in his stomach at Thomas' delighted tone. "We did."

He heard rustling. "Don't sound like that Derek. We met a pirate! You love pirates!"

Derek swiveled his head to look at where Thomas was sitting up in bed. "I do not!"

"You do too. You always tell me stories about awesome pirates!"

"That's different."

"How?"

Derek opened his mouth before he found something he could say. "Those pirates are fake."

"So?"

"Well, they don't actually steal from people."

"Robin hood is fake, but if someone actually stole from rich people to give to the poor people he would be good."

"That's not the same thing."

"Why?"

It infuriated Derek when he did that. Used one word answers to completely derail what Derek said. "Because. Okay. Just because."

"But why?"

Derek turned to groan in his pillow. "Because, Stiles is a filthy pirate that steals okay. Now go to bed."

"I'm not tired. I want a story about pirates." Derek knew he did that just to press the issue.

"Tommy go to sleep before I smother you with my pillow."

He heard a huff and Thomas angrily turning towards the wall and shoving around his blankets.

Derek could practically see the pouty lip. He closed his eyes and sighed. "There once was a pirate, he was a bad pirate. He got put in jail and everyone celebrated at the bar. The end."

"That's the worst story you've ever told." Derek could hear the smile in his voice just like the one he was wearing.

"Tomorrow night's will be better. Get some sleep. I love you Tommy."

Thomas yawned. "I love you too Derek."

For once Derek was not awoken by Thomas crawling into his bed or nightmares. He was awoken by a crash in the alley. The alley that was right below their window. Derek scrambled out of bed shoving the blankets away and snagging a shirt as he went towards the hall. He walked out the hall and was met with glowing red eyes in the darkness of the room across the hall. The glowing gave way to darkness and his mother stepped into the faintly lit hallway.

"Did you hear it?"

"It did not sound big. Are you sure you closed the bin? Those raccoons are probably back. Go check Derek."

They had been plagued by the pesky vermin since Lily had left food out for them for a week and now no matter what they would not leave. Derek nodded at his mother and headed down the stairs and he grabbed a broom before going through the back door.

Derek let out a sigh as he closed the door behind himself.

When he turned around the silhouette of a man startled him into dropping the broom and growing claws and fangs. The flash of his eyes brought clear sight of someone he dreaded to see.

"Man you are the worst secret werewolf ever. That's twice now. If the crown's guard weren't such incompetent imbeciles I would say you'd have a problem."

Derek quickly shifted back. Maybe he would get a chance to beat him up in the back alley. "Say it a bit louder why don't you?!" Derek hissed out.

Stiles lifted a challenging eyebrow. "Man you really are the wor-" Stiles' lifted voice was quickly cut off by a hand over his mouth. A hand that had been across the alley, not but a moment ago. Derek's body was close enough to be threatening, but not enough to be squishing Stiles' bag in-between them. Derek's eyes made him look like he was about to tear Stiles to shreds as the hand gripped Stiles' mouth in a vice.

Stiles licked it.

"Augh gross! What are you, a child?"

Stiles stuck out his tongue. "Well then, you shouldn't cover my mouth. I need it for things." Stiles made a suggestive face at him.

"I don't want anymore filthy pirate on me, thank you."

The suggestive nature was wiped away by irritation. "Alright then. I believe that brings this conversation to an end then. If you would please excuse me, I have some business to attend to." Stiles did a mock bow. When he leaned back up he made a gesture like he was waiting for Derek to leave.

Derek had unimpressed eyebrows and petulantly crossed his arms. "I'm not moving until you leave my alley."

"This isn't your alley."

Derek's eyebrows taunted him and he adjusted so he stood a little taller. "That's my family's bar and we live right above it, I think it's safe to say this is my alley."

Stiles' eyes flickered up to above the bar and Derek inwardly cursed himself for giving out that piece of sensitive information. He didn't know what it was about the pirate, but he disarmed him while making him want nothing more than to just press his body against the wall and use his teeth on the man. "Not that it's any of your business pirate."

Stiles smiled. It seemed he was getting used to the sneer. That made Derek's blood boil.

"No, but it is good to know." Stiles chuckled. "If I ever need to find you, I'll know where to look."

Derek's face must've betrayed what he was thinking, because instantly Stiles' hand was no longer gripping the light brown satchel he had slung over his body and instead was clutching his arm.

"I mean you no harm." If Derek didn't know that he was dishonest for a living he'd swear he'd never seen a more honest man than he did in the face before him. "No matter what I said in the bar, I would never, and I mean never, put your family in harms way just because of who you are." Stiles' eyes were leaking sincerity and Derek found his shoulders slumping down in a calm relief he hadn't felt in months. It was dizzying how quickly the mood and conversation had changed.

Derek caught up to himself after a few moments of staring right into his eyes. Derek nodded minutely and stepped back while brushing off his hand. Derek had never been accepted for who he was entirely, ever, by anyone outside of his family. His family had to be constantly vigilant, never letting anyone too close. He felt flayed raw and his insides were a mess of not knowing what to do or how to feel. He had become so used to hiding who he was, never letting anyone in, and here was this pirate sauntering into his life when he should've been running. Or maybe Derek should've been the one that ran, but somehow he felt transfixed. Either way right now he had no idea what he should be doing, but he knew even if he wanted to, running would be the last thing he did. Even if he had no idea why.

Thomas hadn't been entirely wrong, though. He did like pirates, but that was before he found out that pirates were the ones stealing his family's business. Had been the reason for months of worry and barely scraping by. Months of Lily and Thomas no longer getting the cakes he used to buy them from the corner bakery, or the joy they brought. Months of Laura having to do the jobs they could no longer afford to pay anyone else to do. Months of his mom in her office making sure they didn't spend a single gold coin too much. Months of his dad trying to pick up odd jobs that had his bones creaking in a way that never failed to remind them how human he really was. They had owned New Haven for as long as Derek could remember. He couldn't lose it. He wouldn't. Not to the likes of this pirate.

And now that he had somewhere to focus all of the anger, that seemed to be more of a part of his heart than the blood pumping through it, he wouldn't let that go. Even still, just for this moment all of what had been suffocating him seemed to vanish to be replaced by desperation. It had been so long since he had felt something that deep other than anger. He almost forgot he could feel other ways. He still felt for his family of course, but the rage was always there. There were always flames crawling up his throat and licking the back of his brain. Now it was like cold ocean water was dumped down his back.

He nodded again. No matter how earnest Stiles seemed, Derek felt like he had to convince him. "We don't bother anyone. They would take the kids. He's only eight, she's nine. They don't deserve that. We aren't monsters, we ar-" Derek could tell he was getting himself worked up.

"Hey hey, I know. I know. Stupid heartless people that are afraid are the only ones who think that you are. You don't deserve any of the shit the Argent's rule has brought upon you. No supernatural being does."

Nobody ever disrespected the Argents like that. They grumbled and didn't care about them, but no one voiced their opinions like that. But maybe that was the plus of being a pirate. It made him wonder why the venom in Stiles' eyes was there. Why did he hate them so much? It seemed personal to him. Derek discretely took a breath in through his nose. Surely he wouldn't have missed it if Stiles was a were.

"I'm not a shifter. I just know when something is wrong."

Derek tried to not let it show that he was surprised Stiles caught him. "What about stealing, isn't that wrong?"

"Not if it was already stolen."

Derek scoffed. "So you're telling me everything you steal has been stolen?"

"No, I'm saying I only steal from the Argents and everything they have was either stolen of the backs of their people or from the rightful ruling families of Beacon and Duszasdom. They rule with an iron fist and Queen Victoria is as fit to rule as the crazed vengencewolf Captain. She lives for nothing other than to see her lands rid of peaceful families just because they are different, even at the expense of her own. She has no right to rule, much less of a claim on the riches of those kingdoms. They can talk peace and prosperity all they want, but the war with King Deucalion is ravaging the lands! The only thing keeping their control is their army of hunters and the so called strengthening arrangements. Just because they gave away the southeastern half of Beacon to the now Queen Natalie and Lady Lydia and the rest to Kate doesn't mean that that vile woman doesn't control it too! And they might have won tentative favor among the Duszaonians with my- the Sheriff's approval, but that won't last long. It might look nice on paper, but make no mistake that family controls everything and everyone who submits to them! And I refuse! Refuse! To be one of them! So call me dirty pirate all you want, I will never submit to a rule under an Argent who thinks about how she can kill innocents just because they're different, before she thinks about the good of her people! The Argents focus their armies inwardly hounding anyone who so much as growls all the while Deucalion slaughters her supposed subjects at the borders! She is unfit to rule as is her sister-in-law! The Argents do not deserve what they took!"

Stiles was heaving with rage in his eyes. If Derek didn't know better he would say that the air was actually charged with lighting, everything felt electric. Stiles seemed to collect himself, but it was more like the lighting was in a bottle now. He may have corked it, but there was still a danger there. "All I'm saying is, I might steal, but I steal from the right people. I don't hurt innocents. There are much worse things out there to be than a pirate."

Derek almost wanted to scream my family is innocent, but with how worked up Stiles had been he thought against it. "You can think what you'd like. I don't want to see you around here again. You are loud with your views and no matter if they are true or not, they attract attention. Attention we don't need. This is private property. Get away." Derek barely held back the urge to make a shooing motion.

Gone was the rage as Stiles slipped into that lazy smile he seemed to always wear. "Private property? This is an alley."

Derek was back to being annoyed. "My alley."

"Okay okay. I'll leave just one question."

Derek let out a huff of exasperation.

"Is it private property to the rat too?" He pointed at a small mouse eating a piece of banana peel.

"Should I take him with me? Or are you going to snap your teeth at h-" Stiles ducked the broom Derek swung at him with a laugh. He started down the alley and called over his shoulder. "Okay, okay. You win sourwolf, I'm going." He started walking backwards to look at Derek. "But I know you'll miss me."

Derek deadpanned. "Desperately."

Stiles let out an obnoxious laugh and set off in a jog. "Goodnight Miguel." Stiles' voice had a strange lilt when he said his name like he knew it was fake.

"Goodnight pirate." Even if he was justified in other things he was definitely still causing harm, whether he knew it or not. Nonetheless, Derek found himself oddly taken in with the pirate. He shook his head trying to rid himself of the amusement curling in his gut.

Derek could hear his mom moving down the stairs. He quickly went back inside to meet her in the back room.

"What took you so long? Were they in the garbage?"

He knew she would hear if he lied, and for some reason he didn't want to tell her about the pirate. "Don't worry mom. I cleaned up the filth out there."

"Good. Let's get to bed. It's late."

It wasn't until he was back settled in bed that he realized that Stiles probably was delivering his moonshine in that brown bag.

---

Derek yawned as he was lost in thought about the night before while wiping a glass. Why had Stiles been in his alley. Sure, he was probably delivering moonshine, but his alley specifically? The town was a maze of different back ways and turns. Not only did he burst into his bar, but to be outside his window? His mother always warned him about people hunting them. It always boggled Derek the amount of paranoia his parents and Laura had for being found. It wasn't just the guard they were weary of either. They wouldn't let anyone outside of the family watch Lily or Thomas, they never told people their real names, and they never allowed them to have friends get too close.

Derek had once. He had made friends with three people, kids really. They had nowhere to go and they were scared. Derek and his family took care of them, but as soon as his mother found out they were wanted by the Captain, Derek never saw them again. For a terrifying moment Derek had wondered if she turned them in to keep her family out of it.

Sometimes it was a lonely life, not being able to talk to anyone outside of his family. He loved them, but he wished that sometimes he could meet someone more than just once. The bar was filled with either people that he'd known since as long as he could remember or drifters that only stopped for a drink.

Then came Stiles.

Why did the first person he actually was able to have a conversation that didn't involve asking what someone wanted to drink, have to be with a filthy pirate?

He felt eyes on him and he looked up.

Laura had one eyebrow raised at him. "I don't think that glass is getting anymore dry. You've been on that one for like five minutes. Something wrong?"

Derek did not want to tell her about Stiles. "No." Fuck that was way too fast, and did his voice really go a bit high, ugh.

Laura looked gleeful. The damn shark looked like she smelled blood in the water. "Really?" Her voice was flat.

"Leave it."

"So there is something!"

Derek put down the glass. "Lauuuuuuraaaaa." He wished she would just go open the doors, so they could start working.

"Nope nope, you do not get to hide this from me. I'm your big sister and nothing ever happens in this town. Spill."

"It has nothing to do with you."

"Don't care. Do you want me to get Mom to as-"

Derek's eyes widened. "You wouldn't, you evil witch." Derek knew she absolutely would. "Fine." He had to remain vague. "I met someone."

Laura's mouth went open with a grin. "You met someone?" She unlocked the door for a group that was waiting.

Shit. By her tone he realized how fucked he was. He stayed vague alright, but by her tone she interpreted it way differently than he meant her to.

"Not like that!"

She looked downright smug. The bitch. "Sure. Not like that at all." She said it like it totally was like that.

"Don't go making a big deal about it."

"Are you kidding? You haven't met a person you haven't instantly hated. This is huge!"

Someone called for a barkeep. He contemplated telling her that he does actually hate them, but that would just open more questions. "I'm done talking about this." Derek walked away from her to help the patron.

"For now. I'll let you be, for now." That woman was evil, pure evil.

---

"You there! Stop! There's nowhere left to run!" The head crown's guard shouted at a panting Stiles heading straight towards the lookout point.

He laughed as he came to a stop where the cobblestone mounted upwards into a waist high fence. The crudely cemented together rocks arched out in an incomplete circle towards the sea, on the edge of a cliff. Stiles hopped up onto the ledge.

"Who said anything about running Captain Jackass?" Smirking, Stiles jumped off with a sloppy salute.

After the expected splash Jackson let out a sigh. "Every fucking time Stilinski."

A few moments later more guards rushed up behind him and swiveled their heads back and forth trying to catch sight of the pirate.

Stiles saw his laugh turn to air bubbles and then race each other to the surface in a wobbly game of chase. They broke the surface, but he kept swimming down.

What little air he had left he used to blow out a little bubble in front of him. He quickly reached out a hand and forced the bubble to stay down with the wave of his hand. He slowly opened his hand and splayed his fingers as far as he could. The air bubble rapidly expanded. Once it was big enough Stiles swam over to it and went inside. He took a deep gasping breath and let out a small chuckle.

"That will only get old once he figures out how I do it." Stiles looked over to a fish swimming by. "Which will be never."

With the flick of a wrist the bubble was moving and carting him along with it. It was moving at a leisurely pace till a big dark shape came into view.

"There she is."

As he came closer Stiles was able to make out the shape he had memorized by now.

Inside a bubble much like the one he was currently in, except much larger, was a ship. But not just any ship, the finest ship in, or on the seven seas. She far out shone any of the sunken ships that had ever graced the waves, because when she went down it was never for long. And any ship now would barely be out of port by the time good ol Claudia made it round the world two times flat. The finest ship and with a crew Stiles had mostly hand picked by the time he was fifteen. It had only taken five years to get Stiles from a sniffling kid just wanting his mom back, to first mate on the head ship of the most feared and respected pirate armada on the seas. It had only taken three more years after that before he convinced the Captain he could lead it before Stiles was Captain Stilinski the feared spark of the seas.

He was renowned for being fair, but ruthless. Many said that if it wasn't for his first mate the town of Schlongshire would be nothing but rubble and bodies not even worth burying. It was unusual for a human to be a pirate, but not unheard of. What was unheard of was a spark being one. When one could control countries and have given to them everything they could want simply for their allegiance, why would they go pillaging the seas for scraps. Sparks hardly came along twice in a century, they were powerful. And more often than not, destined for greater things than being a pirate. All the same, he lived a life true to himself and doing everything in his power to make the world better, while trying his damnedest to return to his family. Even if in his many years at sea he had learned to make a new one. One that ate oranges and threw each other overboard for a laugh. He helped supernaturals as much as he could, giving the homeless and hopeless with nowhere else to turn, a place to be accepted. To be cared for and a part of something.

It was no secret that most of his crew was strays he had picked up or saved from certain doom. He even protected quite a few from the grasp of the Argents and even the Captain.

His bubble met the much bigger one slightly above deck level and as they pressed into each other they combined and Stiles popped through. He fell down and landed on deck in a crouch steadying himself with on hand on the floor.

As if they hadn't seen his approach, his crew's eyes snapped to attention at the sound of his boots hitting the wood.

"Mornin Cap."

Stiles half bowed at the man carrying a barrel across the ship. "And an absolutely splendid mornin to you as well."

A man rushed up to him. "How did it go?" The man seemed nervous.

"Scotty, me matey, you worry too much."

Scott rolled his eyes. "You know you sound ridiculous when you speak like that."

"Arrr I do. And you know you love it."

Scott's face went serious. "How did it fare?"

Stiles' smile fell as he looked at him. "Where is she?"

Scott winced. "That bad? She's below deck, she didn't sleep well and has a headache. What happened?"

Stiles looked around to see if anyone was listening. Everyone seemed rather busy as soon as he looked. In fact as his eyes started sweeping the deck he clocked at least three people actually sweeping the deck which was odd because it was his turn to brush away the dirt. "Are you givin your Captain sauce?" Stiles hooked an arm around his neck and started walking them towards his quarters. "It went bloody brilliant as expected."

Once the door shut behind them Stiles let go of him. "How many times do I have to tell you, no talking in front of the crew. It's bad for morale."

"So it is bad news then?"

Stiles sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face as he tossed his hat onto his desk. "Duchess Evangeline hadn't heard or found anything and neither has Lord Emhyr." Stiles sat heavily down in his chair by his desk and Scott came closer. "If they're in either of their territories they're so well hidden that they'll never find them."

Scott crossed his arms as he leaned against the desk. "And you believe them? You think they're trustworthy?"

Stiles gave a considering look as he steepled his fingers. He nodded his head. "I do. With what we know about them they wouldn't dare lie to us. If there is any further information they would've passed it along. For all the Lady's talents, blackmail is one of her finest."

"And were you followed on your way back from your meeting with her?"

Stiles scoffed. "The Captain couldn't catch me if I had two hands tied behind my back, and I would know-"

Scott rolled his eyes and spoke instep with Stiles.

"I've gotten away shackled."

"- I've gotten away shackled." Stiles stuck out his tongue. "Make fun all you'd like, that was badass."

Stiles stared at him until one side of his jaw moved and his lip curled up. "Okay, that was pretty badass."

Stiles smiled. "Okay, I'm all good here. I'll be heading to bed shortly, I woke up so early it was late, you should go check on her."

Scott's expression changed. "You going to bed shortly translates to me walking in on you in the morning still up, drunk bent over the charts."

Stiles' wide smile dropped. "I'll be fine. You head to bed, you woke early as well."

Scott didn't move. "You may not want to worry the crew, but I'm not just crew. I'm your firstmate. You're my brother." Scott looked at him with his puppy eyes.

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Alright you can stop that now. I'm worried Scotty, of course I am. If we don't find them in time-"

"We will find them in time." Scott went over to the couch and sat down.

Stiles gave him a flat look. "Your eternal optimism is not welcome here."

"Okay fine. Say we don't, it will still be fine. We have a backup plan." Scott motioned him to come sit.

Stiles gave him a dubious look. "You and I both know she won't be able to kill her father, not when he hasn't done anything to deserve it." Stiles poured two glasses of rum and walked over to sit down.

Scott took a glass. "So we'll find a way around it. Stiles I know us, I know you. You've always thought of something, you always figure any problem we have out."

Stiles ran a hand through his hair. "That's just it Scotty, this isn't just some problem. This is the problem, the biggest problem. And if this doesn't go right then we're most likely dead."

Scott put a commiserating hand on his arm. "Yeah. That would suck for us."

"It would so suck."

Stiles drained his glass and set it on the floor. "Alright, open up. I need puppy cuddles."

Scott opened his arms and wedged a leg along the back of the couch and draped the other down the side of the couch. Stiles crawled into his arms and leaned his back against Scott's front.

"Scott you're the best friend ever."

Scott wrapped his arms around Stiles and breathed in his best friend that always smelled like spicy soap, seawater, and something crackling. It took him awhile to realize, but he knew now that was the scent of Stiles' rage. Ever present, even now, content to be wrapped up safe with the person he relied on most. "We are going to be okay. Stiles, I need you to realize that. We will figure it out and we will be behind you every step of the way. This crew, they would die for you. We're a family Stiles. You did that, you built us. You saved us. You aren't just my best friend or the best Captain, you're the best person I've ever known."

With his words Scott swore he could hear the thunder receding. "I just don't want to let everyone down. Everyone is all in on this one. And no matter what everyone says, even if it is their choice, if this goes belly up, it's on me."

"Yeah it is. It's on ye, it's on me, it's on everyone involved. But that won't stop you will it?"

Stiles sighed and leaned his head back into the curve of Scott's neck. "No, it won't."

"So we're in this together?"

"Aye. We always are. Always have been."

There was a pause of silence as they just relaxed.

"Why can't we be nine again, running around and stealing jelly tarts when our moms weren't looking?"

Scott slapped Stiles' stomach. "Excuse ye! I never stole jelly tarts! You never told me they were stolen! I still can't believe ye roped me into that one. It's been nine years and I still can't believe that!"

Stiles laughed. "But you ate them, you were a part of it!" He chuckled and then his scent went sour. "Maybe I was always meant to be a filthy pirate stealing things and hurting people."

"Hey what did we say about listening to the shit Jackson says?" Scott said it jokingly expecting a light-hearted response. Usually Stiles didn't take those sorts of things to heart.

He was serious as he replied, "It wasn't Jackson."

Scott set his drink down. "What? Who was it?"

Stiles stared blankly up at the ceiling. "Just some man, a barkeep. From yesterday."

"Don't let those speciest, Gerard lovers get to ye. He's a pig for-"

"No. He wasn't. He was an honest man, kind to his brother. I think he was a good man, a truly good one. He just- when he looked at me I could see just, this hatred. He hated pirates, he hated me even after I told him I didn't steal from the local fishermen. I felt like he truly hated me the second he looked at me. It was strange. I've never felt anything like it. You're going to think I'm mad but-"

"I already know you are mad."

Stiles elbowed him. "His eyes. I feel like I recognized them. And I just strangely wanted to get him to understand that I was not his enemy. I wanted him to think I was good too."

"Oh by thunder, that's your Lady Lydia voice! Have ye planned your wedding yet?"

"Shut up. I don't know he just felt... Important. I shouldn't even be thinking about this. It doesn't matter. I'll never see him again."

Stiles was still staring at the ceiling without moving.

"But ye want to?"

"It doesn't matt-"

"Do y-"

"Yes!" He turned and laid on his stomach. "I want his eyes to look at my eyes. And for him to not have so much hate in them. Is that so much to ask for?"

Scott smiled. "I think you deserve to be happy, but you pick impossible ways of getting there. But if you think he could be good for ye, go for it."

"It's not even that Scotty, I just feel in my bones I need to see him again. It's not like that at all. "

"Like your spark says so? Okay. Then do that."

"Don't be daft."

"I'm not."

"I can't be distracted right now."

"Oh, he's distracting is he?"

Stiles turned his head and smiled. "He's hotter than Lady Lydia."

Scott grabbed the couch like they were sailing stormy seas that were tossing the ship about. "Hotter than Lady Lydia!"

Stiles pressed a finger to his lips. "Shhhh she'll hear you!"

"We're under the ocean and she's miles away in her castle."

"She has tea with Davey Jones, they gossip."

Scott laughed at his friend which was interrupted by a knock and some one barging in followed by the door slamming. "Is the Cap- Ugh gross your weird incesto make out session is not something I wanted to see today."

"Cora, how many times do I have to tell ye. Knock, wait, then come in!"

Cora rolled her eyes. "I just came in to ask if the Cap-"

There was another knock and the door once again slammed open. "Is the Captain coming out to tell us what happened?"

Stiles pressed his face into Scott's chest and banged it against it. "Ma-li-aaaaa! Knock! Wait! Come in! I swear I will hang a sign."

"She can't read remember?"

Malia snarled at Cora.

"What? You can't."

"That's rude Cora! Malia put the claws away there will be no murdering of crewmates today." He turned to Scott. "I swear by the stars I thought I was their Captain not their mother."

They laughed as they stood up to stretch.

"Captain will give a quick talk, eat something, then get some sleep."

"What would I do without you Scotty."

"Set ye ship on fire."

"That was one time!"

"Do you know how many times it takes a ship to burn down? Once. And it happened again too!"

"That time doesn't count because technically it was the monkey and you know it!"

---

FOUR MONTHS AGO

Derek had tried to push it away to not focus on it, he even nearly forgot. But as the days went by he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was about to burst through the bar doors. It had been over a month since he had seen the pirate and he didn't know if he was expecting him to have sent the crown's guard or if the pirate would burst through the doors again. One sent dread and the other excitement and he didn't know how to feel about that, hell he'd deny feeling anything but contempt for the pirate. Each day Derek became more resigned to never seeing him again, but one night when the sound of rustling in the alley woke him up he sprung out of bed.

"I'll get it mom!" He called out a little too loudly for the late hour as he rushed down the steps.

"Don't wake the whole house!" That was Laura's voice not his mom's.

"Go back to sleep you wench."

He could tell she was raising a middle finger to his back without even turning.

He threw open the door and for a disappointing second didn't see anything. Slowly out of a shadow a figure emerged.

"What are you doing here pirate?"

That damn lazy smirk. "I thought you might miss me by now."

Damn him. "Like shit on a shoe."

The pirate laughed and Derek found himself smiling. The sticky sweat and fever of having too heavy of a blanket on in the tropic heat still clung to the back of his neck, but the warmth felt a little less scorching with the night air tickling his skin.

"Do you often have looters?"

Derek was confused by the question. "What?"

"Well, I was just wondering what would prompt you to so eagerly bolt out of bed in such a state."

Derek looked down at his bare torso and thin sleeping pants. He crossed his arms with a scowl, but quickly used one hand to try and smooth down his bed head.

Stiles looked up and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth while the corners tilted up.

"That made it w-"

"Worse. So much worse." The words flooded out of him with joy.

Derek's cheeks heated as he looked away.

Stiles came closer and lifted a hand. Derek flinched.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I won't hurt you."

He had never seen his eyes this close before and he knew he'd never pour another glass of whiskey again without thinking about how honest he looked right now. How truthful, how right.

He moved his hands up again and carded his hands through his hair to smooth it out.

"There." He smiled at Derek and he swallowed harshly. "Now, I can't do anything about the pants... Well, I cou-"

Derek met his raised eyebrow with a pair of flat ones. "No, thank you."

"Hm, are you that polite in the bedroom too?"

Derek was so caught of guard he scoffed as his cheeks flamed. "Must you be so shameless?"

"Yup. Otherwise I lose a bet that I couldn't live my whole life being the most shameless person to ever walk the earth. And unfortunately I put my ship as collateral, so I must keep to it."

At the mention of his ship Derek's eyes hardened again. "Well, it's rude and off putting."

"If you'd rather I could be putting out."

"I'd rather you leave my alley."

The step forward the pirate took was dangerous and Derek suddenly couldn't remember how to breathe. He was close before, but now he could see that it was exactly three thirty-five on a good sea faring day, the kind of day filled with just the perfect amount of sunshine filtering through windows that if he swirled a glass of whiskey it would be the closest anything could ever get to his eyes without a touch of magic. They were hypnotic and he wondered if maybe the pirate had been blessed by a seawitch. A blessing that any hate ever felt towards him would turn to butterflies.

"Would you though? Would you rather that I leave? Because I can."

Stiles went to take a step back and immediately Derek's mouth fell open. The pirate smirked at him and his rage came back at being tricked and toyed with. "Why are you here in my alley, pirate?" Derek caught sight of the bag over his shoulder and quickly dug in it and snatched out a bottle.

Stiles scrambled to get it back. "Hey, that's mine!" As he reached for it Derek held it up. Even though they were the same height, Derek grew up with multiple siblings and knew how to play keep away. As Stiles' limbs flailed in their pursuit he whined. "With all the shit you gave me about stealing, and here you are taking my things!"

Derek knew he had a right to what he said, but the anger was still there. He pushed Stiles backwards and looked right into his eyes as he sent the bottle crashing to the ground.

It shattered with an awful noise and liquor splashed everywhere. As the pieces scattered Stiles' eyes widened. "What the hell! Dude, that is so not cool!" His eyes were still downcast at the shards that now laid all over. As soon as he looked up he took a step back.

There was malice in his eyes clear as day.

"Leave pirate. And don't come back."

This time Stiles believed him. He scrambled backwards and as he took off into the night Derek heard something like he's not worth it. He felt that mutter as if Stiles had picked up a shard and slashed across his chest with it.

This entire time he's been rejecting the pirate. He's been belittling him, thinking he's heartless. A thief. A criminal. But to hear that he doesn't think Derek was worth it hurt more than he would've thought. Worth what? The time he took to talk to him? The effort to annoy him? The air he breathes? The space he takes up? The family that he has? Not worth what? Anything? It was so vague Derek's mind took it and ran. He imagined he meant all of them. Maybe that's why it hurt so bad, it was like multiple insults at once.

Just like that, as soon as he could no longer hear the pirate absconding in the night, Derek felt the familiar heat at the back of his throat. His anger and returned and decided he wanted nothing to do with the filthy pirate anymore.

Derek fell into bed still hot with anger and tossed his blanket to the floor. Derek laid there stewing till he thought about how his anger was justified. The pirate insulted him, even if he had done something offensive first. The pirate was a rotten no good liar. He didn't know shit about Derek. A self satisfied smirk found its way to his lips. He was glad he had vented like that now. It was good to get it out, because he deserved it.

With a yawn he decided to sleep and dream only of the pirate's ship sailing far away.

Thomas was asleep in his bed, but even from across the room he felt the comfort his brother brought him. He listened to his heartbeat and drifted off.

---

He was aware of the sunlight filtering into the room before he opened his eyes. He heard heartbeats from all the rooms and instinctively felt the safety of having his pack asleep around him. His eyes opened in soft little flicks of his lashes. He felt the peace of the morning and smiled. He hadn't slept like that in ages.

While getting dressed he debated taking a quick run. He woke up early and feeling rested, but he knew the day would tire him out quickly. It was better to just get to work. By the time Laura came down he had already set up all the tables, made breakfast for everyone, and gotten the bar ready for the day.

"Ugh, I nearly forgot you're a disgusting morning person. Seriously Der, it's been so long I was getting used to you rolling out of bed right before mom was about to lose her shit and go into your room to tackle you."

He let a small smile grace his face.

Her face still had a mark where she had laid on her pillow, but to Derek she was the most intimidating person he had ever met when she had that look on her face. She raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so glee ridden today?"

"I just slept well."

She became further intrigued. "And why did you sleep well?"

Derek needed to distract her with something and quickly. "I don't know. Hey, I made fresh bread for breakfast."

She squinted at him. "You're distracting me."

Oh shit, oh shit. It was the worst when she knew she was being distracted. She would be relentless now.

Her face turned sad. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me. It's just I miss how we used to be. We were so close. You used to tell me everything. I guess I just wanted to feel like your big sister again."

Derek felt the back of his throat getting thick. Damn her. This is how she wanted to play it, fine. He was ready to tell her to stop guilting him, but then he caught her eyes and he saw the sparkle of sincerity. Derek knew he had been pulling away from them, but he didn't think they'd notice. The guilt of it wore him down and he leaned against the counter with a huff.

He saw the satisfaction in her face, but she leaned against the bar as well to show how ready she was to listen.

His sister knew him, so when he sat in silence she didn't push.

Why had he slept so good? Why did he feel so content? The foreground of his mind wanted to shout that it was because he had sent the pirate off, but even if it was the loudest voice it wasn't the only one. With how calm he was he knew, deep down, that Stiles wasn't the only pirate responsible. He was just the only one Derek could hold responsible. Hell, it wasn't even just all the pirates' fault. It was the taxes to fund an unnecessary war. It was the war killing people's spirits. It was the Argents for creating the war. It was so many things, but Stiles was all he could focus on because it was easier to scream at one person than accept there's a flawed system in place that he can't fix. He knew rationally he didn't really want Stiles gone, so why was he happy that he was?

Or maybe it wasn't that Stiles was gone that made him happy.

Maybe it was that he was there at all.

Derek tried to find a reason for it to not be true, but he couldn't.

But then if he was happy that Stiles was there, why was he still happy once he was gone? It didn't make any sense. He felt confused and wrong footed.

Why was he so happy? Why was he so content? Why was h-

Derek's head lifted up from where he had been staring at the ground with a shock.

Why wasn't he angry?

That was the real question. He hadn't even noticed, but he didn't feel the heat at his back chasing him. He didn't feel the burning inside. For the first time in a long time he had awoken without the rage.

Maybe he wasn't happy that the pirate was there. Maybe he was just not angry once he had left. Maybe letting it out helped him in a way he hadn't been helped in a long time. It still made him feel bad. Especially remembering the way he looked at him once he told him to leave, but still. That hole where his anger was, was so much lighter to carry now. Even if there was an emptiness that came with how he got it.

He knew it wouldn't last, but today he was genuinely happy. He couldn't help wanting to see the pirate everyday if this is how he felt afterwards. Even if that was selfish.

Laura made a noise that let him know she was getting impatient.

Even if he didn't understand it, he knew he had to try to explain.

"That person I met." He could tell she got excited. "We had a fight. I yelled at him and I don't think I'll ever see him again and it makes me happy."

He could sense the confusion.

"I told you it wasn't like that Laur. But it's not really that I enjoy that he's gone either, at least I think not. I just- I always have this anger in me. It just hurts so much, and when I yelled at him it made it not hurt so much. I know it was shitty of me, but I-I just..."

"You just want it to stop hurting." Her eyes were teary and Derek could feel his getting glossy as well.

"I don't know why. I don't know why I feel this anger. God Laura, it doesn't make any sense. It's just there constantly, and it feels like I'm on fire."

At that Laura let out a choked sob.

"I'm sorry Laura. I'm so sorry I don't know why I'm like this."

She moved quickly towards him and pulled him into a hug. "Do not, ever, tell me you're sorry for how you feel. You hear me? You only have to apologize for how you act with those emotions."

Derek gripped onto the back of her shirt for a few more moments, grateful to feel the comfort of his big sister again.

When they broke apart Laura looked questioningly into his eyes. "Do you think this happiness will wear off once you realize, truly realize, that you'll never see him again? You'll never get to apologize. Don't you think you'll feel bad for what you said to him?"

Derek shrugged. "I guess I'll find out."

While they had breakfast Derek smiled at jokes and gave an extra slice of bread to Lily and they looked at him with approval. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he had interacted with his family normally. He enjoyed the day and he fell into sleep with a blissful sigh.

---

When he woke up the anger wasn't back all the way. It was just like there was a match, a tiny insignificant match. He could deal with a match.

By the end of the week the match had grown to a campfire and the hole inside him had gotten deeper.

By two more weeks the fire had consumed him and there was smoke biting at his lungs like he had never felt before. The hole inside him was a cavern that he didn't know how to crawl out of. Over the last few days he'd been getting concerned looks from the family he couldn't stop pushing away and snapping at. He didn't know how much longer he could take it.

---

THREE MONTHS AGO

It had been over a month since he had seen the pirate when Laura got the idea to try and provoke him. To try and get his anger out on her. No matter what she tried he wouldn't react.

She was particularly determined when she awoke him by smacking him.

It was a long day and he was just tired. Tired of everything. At the dinner table she made one final jab.

"What's even the purpose of you getting up at all if you're going to be so late?"

His mother was about to admonish her when he spoke.

"I don't know what the purpose of it is either."

He didn't know whether it was what he said or the way he said it, but everyone stopped. His father's cutlery clanked onto his plate and he sent unsure glances to his wife.

His mother pushed her chair away from the table and went to his side. She kissed his forehead and spoke. "There is always a reason to get up in the mornings."

He mustered a smile he didn't feel. "Right." He excused himself and headed to bed.

He heard the door open and close, then Thomas getting changed. They both laid down in silence till Thomas' voice came out sure. "Tell me a story Derek."

He looked to where his brother was. "Sorry bud. I don't think my stories would be any good tonight."

"A story doesn't have to be good to be worth hearing. Sometimes it just has to be what someone needs to hear, or even what someone needs to tell."

"Tommy?"

"Yeah Derek?"

"You really freak me out when you say stuff like that."

They both gently laughed into the darkness.

"You're eight. You shouldn't know the secret to life."

"Okay, then I won't. Tell me a story."

Derek settled into his bed more and turned to stare at the ceiling.

"I suppose you want one about pirates." Thomas loved his stories about pirates, and after meeting one Derek knew that would be the only thing he'd like to hear. He'd been able to avoid it after his fight so far. Thomas seemed to sense he didn't want to talk about them, but it seemed he'd have to finally cave tonight.

"It doesn't have to be about pirates." He could hear the, 'But I really want it to be.' in the tone of his voice.

"Just a short one, okay? I have to haul the brews tomorrow."

"Fine."

Thomas listened, completely enthralled, while Derek told a story about a boy cursed by a witch to breath fire. Thomas could feel the heat in his own neck as Derek described the boy choking on cinders. The rage bubbling in the boys chest felt oddly familiar, but Thomas knew it wasn't his own.

He spoke of ash clogging lungs and Thomas felt like coughing. Derek explained how every time the boy felt deeply, the fire poured out of him. Everything about what he was saying lit him up. He wanted to scratch at scabs that weren't even there. Thomas was scared of the darkness surrounding him, but it had nothing to do with how the dim room reminded him of smoke. What scared him was how it seemed to be coming out of Derek as he spoke, in great big puffs that snuffed out the light.

Thomas was about to try and move the story away from the flames by asking where the pirates were when Derek's tone changed all by itself.

He started describing the cool waves and the crisp scent of the sea that clung to an annoying pirate. The pirate pestered the boy till he lead him through the town. The boy showed him around and brought him to his favorite apple tree. They shared apples as they talked. The pirate made the boy laugh and as he did flames bubbled up and burned the pirate. The boy ran away as the pirate called after him. Derek told about the guilt the boy felt from burning the pirate, but he was happy because it had been so long since he had laughed like that. The boy sat on a rock over looking the harbor and watched ships leaving wondering if the pirate had left yet.

Derek had stopped talking and it took Thomas a bit to realize that was where he was leaving it. "That's the end?"

Derek sounded confused. "Yes? Of course it's the end, why wouldn't it be?"

Thomas sat up in his bed. "Because! You didn't deal with the witch, or explain why she had done it. You didn't let the boy let go of his anger. You didn't let the pirate know what was happening and why he got hurt. He deserves to know why! You didn't have them fall in love. They didn't even meet again!"

Derek's cheeks heated as he clung to one particular sentence. "Fall in love?"

"Yes! They were meant to fall in love right? The pirate made him laugh. The boy brought him to his favorite apple tree!"

"He hurt him. Why would he come back?"

"Because! Just because butthead! You can't stop the story there! You just can't." Thomas was emphatic about it.

"What happened to a story doesn't have to be a good one? Huh?" Derek raised an eyebrow at his brother who he knew couldn't see it.

"A story doesn't have to be good, but it does have to be completed. That's not the end. It just can't be."

Derek took a deep breath and Thomas could tell he was about to tell him to go to sleep.

"I'm going to finish it."

Derek's mouth dropped open. "How dare you! I told you it wouldn't be good. You wound me, deeply. I'll never recover. You don't like your big bros stories anymore, you have to rewrite the ending."

Thomas rolled his eyes. " I'm not rewriting anything you baby. Now listen."

Thomas talked about their reunion and how the pirate wasn't mad the fire burned him. He had a magical potion from the kraken that healed it, so it didn't even hurt. It did leave a cool shimmery scar that the pirate showed the boy because he thought it was cool.

Derek chuckled at that.

The boy told him he was frightened about how the pirate would react to his abilities. How everyone had shunned him, but the pirate didn't care. They became friends and the pirate asked him to sail away with him. He refused because he didn't want to burn the pirate's ship. But the pirate came up with a plan. He took him to a cove on the other side of the island and within they met sirens.

The sirens blessed the boy with their gifts. From then on whenever the boy would feel the fire inch up his throat all he had to do was sing and the salty waves would flow from his lungs out his lips to vanquish the flames.

To thank the pirate he promised to sing for him, but the pirate refused him. He told him to only sing for him if he would stay with him to sing aboard his ship everyday.

The boy said he would, and so he also became a pirate. They sailed the seas and lived happily ever after.

"And that's how the story is supposed to end!" Thomas' voice sounded snooty.

"Why would the boy become a pirate? And how could he leave his home? Also the pirate just forgives him? And you didn't even talk about the witch!" Derek replied snottily.

"Because he wanted to leave, everyone didn't like him."

"Still, why would he become a pirate?"

"Because that's what his friend was. He wanted to be like him, so he wasn't alone." Thomas explained.

"Still, he could've gone without becoming a pirate." Derek refuted.

"It's just a story Derek, why does it matter so much?" He seemed like he already knew the answer.

Derek felt gobsmacked. "You're the one that wouldn't let me end it! You made up an ending!"

"But you're the one trying to change what the characters did. They're just characters. What they do doesn't impact anything. It's not like they're real."

Derek was about to argue again when their door opened.

"Boys! You're supposed to be asleep. Go to bed!"

"Sorry Mom."

"Sorry Mom."

After a scolding look, she closed the door and they settled into bed.

"Goodnight love you." Thomas turned over.

He was done talking. Apparently, he had said what he was going to.

"Goodnight Tommy. I love you too."

Derek said goodnight even though he wanted to question him on what he meant. Thomas always seemed like he cared what the characters did. He always complained when Derek was too mean to one character or if one did something that didn't seem like them. Why did he say that what they did didn't matter?

He hadn't said that though, had he? He had said what they do doesn't impact anything.

The boy burning the pirate didn't impact anything. It wasn't like they were real.

Derek got a flash of hurt eyes and a speedy exit. It wasn't like they were real.

They weren't real.

But why did Derek have this pulling in his chest when he thought of the pirate in pain as the boy ran away?

He heard his brother's voice echoing. It wasn't like they were real.

Derek huffed and whispered to his brother's soft snores. "God damn you, you witch child."

What they did didn't impact anything, but Derek was real. His pirate was real. And he had hurt him.

Laura's words came back to him and he supposed he finally did feel awful for yelling.

He fell asleep cursing his siblings.

---

He had a fitful night of sleep and woke up already exhausted. The day drug on, and by the time he was on his last trip from the distillery he was beyond tired.

He was thankfully going down the last hill before he reached the bar. He debated taking a break, but decided to just get it over with.

He didn't see the uneven cobblestone till it was too late.

Fuck.

He managed to keep a hold on one of the barrels, but the other went sailing down the hill.

Derek watched it go with a detached sort of disappointment.

Fuck his life.

About half way down the hill a figure emerged from an alley. They were cloaked in shadow. The figure swiftly moved in front of the barrel while speaking, "What would you do without me?"

Just as they finished talking the barrel reached right in front of them. As it came close they brushed their coat behind them and lifted up one boot to stop the barrel. Their hat had a ridiculous feather standing up proudly as they stood with their arms akimbo.

For one shining moment they looked quite heroic. But the momentum from the hill, and then quickly being stopped must've sloshed the liquid inside. The second wave of force was unexpected. And just as the figure tipped their hat to look up, Derek caught a glimpse of a wide, brown eyed, mole dotted face.

Stiles' perched boot slipped in front of the barrel which, without anything stopping it, rolled into his other leg. Just like that Stiles went face first into the cobblestone, barely catching any of his weight with his arms.

"Roaloorororloriiiiiiikeeerkrlo." The barrel continued down the hill unbidden.

Stiles flipped over with a muttered, "Fuck." He lifted onto his elbows to see the barrel. After it had trampled some bushes, it rolled over a felled branch like a ramp. It was about to fly off the cliff's edge.

Stiles lifted a hand. It was Derek's turn to go wide eyed.

A soft yellow light flowed around his hand like currents. That same light wrapped itself around the barrel and caught it midair. Derek looked at Stiles only to see the same light emanating from his eyes. Derek nearly dropped the other barrel with shock.

With a wave of his hand the barrel was coming closer and obediently sat softly onto the ground next to him.

"Damn. I woulda looked so swashbuckling if that would've worked." Stiles picked up his hat.

"You have magic!" Derek was quickly moving closer, now wide awake.

"Yes? Didn't you know?" Stiles replied nonchalantly as he got off the floor.

His eyebrows went flat from where they were embedded in his hairline. "I wouldn't have asked if I knew." Derek stopped still a few paces away.

"Well sooorry. I figured the glowy hands-" He wiggled his fingers. "And barrel freezing midair were a big enough clue in, but yes I'm a spark."

He filed away the knowledge of what Stiles was, it was very shocking and he didn't know what to do with that. Derek laughed while he shook his head. "Are you always this much of a jackass?"

Stiles didn't miss a beat. "Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays." He brushed non-existent dirt off his shoulders.

Derek's eyebrows furrowed. "Today is Sunday?"

Stiles seemed thoughtful. "Huh. Well, then I guess Sundays too." He seemed to dwell on the thought for a moment longer before snapping out of it. "Anyway, you have your barrel and my pride has been brutally ripped from me once again. I do believe that brings our affairs to a close." Stiles clasped his hands behind his back, waiting for him to leave.

He didn't budge.

"So if you'll excu-"

"Wait." Derek set down the barrel.

There was a pause as they both waited for Derek to say something.

"About last time-"

"What about last time?" He seemed like a shark.

"Well, I just wanted to say- I wanted to say I was wr-"

"Captain Stiles!"

Derek startled as a portly old man came running out of another alley.

"You weren't at the agreed spot?" He looked out of breath and confused. Derek recognized him as Mr. Bramington. He came into the bar a couple nights a week, but hadn't been in a few weeks.

Stiles had a plastered on smile. "My apologies friend. I believe I'm done here anyway. Good to see you again." He gave a curt nod that Derek knew meant it was not.

"Well, should we get on with our business Captain?" He gave Derek a distrustful glance. "To the meeting spot?"

"Why yes, of course." As Stiles stretched out an arm to usher the man forth, he caught sight of that damn bag.

"Mr. Bramington, how have you been?" Derek said before they could leave.

He squinted in the low light, till recognition filled his features. "Why Derek! I've been well. How've you been, my boy?"

"Good. Have you truly been well? What about Martha and the boys?"

He seemed confused till Derek mentioned the boys, then his face lit up. "Yes I have. Martha as well. But that's not what you want to know is it, you scamp." He gave him a fond knowing look. "You're asking after Jacob, aren't you? He talks about you constantly. He truly will be overjoyed to hear I ran into you. You must meet up. You've only seen each other, what twice? That cannot stand. Oh and your little brother could come along to play with my Fletcher." His eyes looked dreamy. "Just think of it, two of my boys, marring two of Jadwiga's boys."

Stiles' jaw dropped and he looked at Derek squinting, before he shook it off.

"You know, your mother caused quite the stir when you all moved here. No matter how humble she tried to be her beauty nearly broke quite a many marriages. But I have always thought higher. Admitted, I did think it would be my oldest and Laura that got together, but fate always finds a way."

Stiles and Derek shared sideways glances. Derek mouthed something that seemed like make him stop.

"I think it's actually qui-"

"Shall we continue to our business?"

His gaping mouth closed with a shake. "Why yes. Yes, of course."

Derek raised a hand. "Actually I was wondering, because I haven't seen you at the bar in awhile. And now you're taking up with this sort of... Company."

Stiles narrowed his eyes.

The man seemed to fumble his works. "Right well, you see. Well, times are tough. You understand my boy, right? Do tell your mother I am sorry, but with the war, you understand. Even for my son's future in-laws it's hard to manage." The man worried at his overcoat. "Well you do u-"

"Understand. Right." Derek's words were clipped as he stared at the pirate.

The pirate slung an arm over Mr. Bramington's shoulders with a smirk. "Now that that's sorted, shall we? I do appreciate," The pirate looked directly at Derek. "That I'm the one getting your business."

Derek could feel his blood boil. Let the competition begin. "Not so fast." He plastered on a fake grin. "I don't want to lose such valued customer, especially one with such deep familial ties. So what do you say, half priced drinks tomorrow?"

Mr. Bramington's eyes gleamed.

"Now now. I think he's developed quite the taste for moonshine, there's no going back once you've tasted our quality."

Derek scoffed. "That pisswater? My sister does all of our brewing. She carefully makes every batch. You'd be lucky not to be actually drinking piss with him. And half priced is one hell of a deal."

Derek would've sworn there was a flash of light in his eyes before he fired back. "Half off is one hell of a deal... What about buy one bottle get the second free? And I personally assure you my first mate stopped pissing in the bottles months back." He gave Mr. Bramington a hearty back slap and tossed a wink at Derek.

Mr. Bramington let out a laugh at the pirate's joke. "Well, that does sound good. I'll-"

Derek felt bad for what he was about to do, but he couldn't help it. The smug way the pirate was looking at him was infuriating. "First round on us, anything you'd like. Then half off. And I would love it if you would bring Jacob with you. It has been so long since I've seen him."

The man nearly started to shake with glee. He ran over to hug Derek, and he lifted him slightly. "Deal my boy! Oh, he'll be so excited! We'll see you four sharp. Right after work. I can't wait to tell Martha! She'll have to hurry up and finish her dress for the wedding!"

They watched as the man sped off.

Stiles turned to Derek with disbelieving eyes. "As in, she's already started the dress?"

They both burst out laughing at the same time.

Once their laughter subsided, Stiles turned to him with a smile. "So I take it you're not actually in a starcrossed love affair with his son, as he seems to think?"

Derek raised an eyebrow then his face went flat. "Why would you even have to ask? We're desperately in love. Don't tell anyone though."

"Ah his parents don't know?" The pirate put on a face of faux sympathy.

"It would break them if they found out." Derek was still speaking deadpan. He moved closer to the barrel Stiles caught.

Stiles laughed once again. "My lips are sealed. That was quite heartless though. To mess with that poor man and his son just for some rivalry with a handsome pirate."

Derek felt a stab of guilt again, something he was getting quite used to feeling. "I would feel worse if his son wasn't so insistent. The only time we spoke he mentioned that his father could acquire five pigs for my hand."

"That's ludicrous!"

Derek smiled. "I kno-"

"You're worth at least twenty. And maybe a horse."

He was taken aback as his cheeks flamed.

"And don't think I've forgotten that you didn't dispute that I'm handsome." He tossed another wink and Derek wondered how he could ever be so carelessly charming.

"I- wh- no."

"To what? No to what? The pigs? Or my devilish good looks? Maybe you object about the horse and I see where you're coming from. Your personality leaves a bit to be desired, so maybe a compromise. Twenty pigs and then an ass included into the deal."

Derek drew his eyebrows together in confusion. "Why would they give my family you?"

Stiles' face looked shocked, but still amused. "So you do have jokes hidden away in those eyebrows."

Derek let the corners of his mouth lift. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Well bravo. That one was good. Got any other ones?"

Derek felt the lightness in his chest, but it wasn't filled with heat either. Right now it felt like he was a down pillow. He wanted to float on the cool night air forever. "Maybe. If you stick around."

He looked caught off guard. "Hm, well is this your alley?"

It was Derek's turn to not expect what the other said. "I'm sorry?"

There was a defensive edge to his eyes now. "It's just every time I find myself in your company you tell me to get out of your alley. So is this your alley?"

Derek considered. He tried to pull up all of the anger he felt with their little rivalry, but he just felt light. "No. This is just a street. An empty street, late at night. Anyone can meet anyone here."

"Even a pirate?"

He thought back to Thomas and Laura. "Yes. Even a pirate."

He nodded and seemed to accept it, but the defensive nature was still there. "So tonight I'm just Stiles and you're just..."

"Mig-"

"I seriously am not calling you Miguel. There is no way that is your name. How bout a nickname?"

His response was immediate. "No."

"Eyebrows? Cranky pants? Barkeep?"

Derek didn't like the idea of him calling him any of those things, but barkeep was especially grating. It was like that's all they were. Just barkeep and customer. They weren't even acquaintances yet, but they weren't just that. Well Derek didn't know what they were, he wasn't even sure he didn't actually hate him. Maybe they were rivals. Rivals that were occasionally friendly, but rivals all the same. That sounded right.

"Do not call me any of those."

"Well what do you suggest sourwolf? Hey tha-"

Derek instantly was alarmed. "Would you shut up! We are in the street!"

It took a beat but he realized his mistake. "Yes, in the empty street. At one in the morning!"

Derek still looked upset. "Still!"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Oh, for the love of the bloody sea! Fine!" His eyes started to swirl with black and the inky color smoked out of his eyes in wisps. That same dark black weaved around his fingers and gradually faded to a smoke all around them.

Derek took two steps back in alarm.

The smoke quickly dissipated and his eyes went back to whiskey brown. "There. Now no one can hear us. Happy, sparky?"

Derek raised an eyebrow. "I find that interesting that you picked that, considering you're the spark."

Stiles opened his mouth then shut it. "You have me there, spot."

"I will rip your throat out. With my teeth." Derek sounded sincere.

A jolt of excitement raced up Stiles' spine. "I've never been one to shy away because of a threat. Especially not one as alluring as that." Stiles smirked.

Derek floundered. "I didn't- That's not what I meant."

"Sure it wasn't sourwolf. Then, how exactly did you mean it?"

Stiles took a step forward and had an evil glint in his eye. Derek found himself taking a small step back. He hit the barrel behind him and Stiles followed till he was close.

"How did you mean it big bad? Did you mean you would slam into me? Press me against a wall? Would you flash your eyes at me to let me know who was in control? Would you growl? I bet your claws would be out. Would you be careful with them? Or would you scratch me all up? Would you leave bruises from where you held me down? Would my wrists wear your mark like manacles from when you pressed them above my head? I bet you could do it with one hand, that you would."

Derek swallowed harshly.

"Would you make me beg you? Would I be able to see the hint of fang peeking from your lips as you smiled? Would you tip my head up as I pleaded?"

Stiles slightly lifted Derek's chin to tease him. He leaned his head forward. "Would I feel your breath against my neck?" He puffed out a breath and Derek let out a noise halfway between a pant and a whine.

"Stiles I-"

He interrupted him. "Is that how you'd do it? Would you do all that and then between one exhalation." Another tickle of warm breath. "And the next, you'd use your teeth to rip. Out. My. Throat. Is that how you'd do it big bad?" Stiles leaned back to look into his blown eyes and moved far enough back so Derek could move away from the barrel.

"No." Derek's voice came out shaky and his mouth was dry.

Stiles made a contemplating noise. "Hm? Well then, how would you?"

Derek knew this was the moment he took back the power. The moment he shoved Stiles into submission, but remembering how his eyes glowed just moments before he held that back. "I wouldn't be able to do any of that. The moment I moved towards you, you would use your magic to restrain me."

Stiles nodded and seemed to be surprised by the knowledge he saved for later. "Okay. Good to know. Well, I already knew, good to know you know, who's in charge here."

Derek was glad to be on some what more solid footing now. "Oh no, that's not what I said at all." He let out a low growl and leaned forward as his fangs peeked from behind his lips.

He heard Stiles' heartbeat jump.

"Agree to disagree, sourwolf."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Stiles smiled so wide his eyes closed. "I will. Thanks."

"You're impossible."

"Oh come on, you wouldn't like me if I was easy. An easy friend couldn't hold your attention."

Derek furrowed his eyebrows and counted the moles on Stiles' face as he realized, no he wouldn't.

Stiles rolled his eyes and pushed him away as he spoke. "Fuck off if you're about to say-" His voice imitated Derek's as he put on a scowly face. "We're not friends."

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Oh yeah, what were you going to say?"

"I would like you if you were less annoying."

Stiles' mouth dropped open and Derek laughed.

"You know you're cute when you're indignant. Less cute when you talk though."

Stiles' face went red as he turned away.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, we should get going." He deflected.

"Oh, you can do all of that earlier, but I call you cute and you look like you were left in the sun for days?"

Stiles turned back around with a finger pointed up, but his mouth opened without any words coming out.

"Get your finger out of my face or I'll bite it."

Stiles shov-

"Ow!" He quickly pulled his finger back as a self satisfied smirk found its way to Derek's face. "You bit my finger!"

"You shoved your finger in my face. I told you I would bite it."

"What are you, five?!"

Derek shrugged.

Stiles cradled his finger to his chest as he glared at Derek. "First, you make fun of me by calling me cute, then you brutally bite off my finger. What's next? Are you going to stab me?"

"I wasn't making fun."

That reply wasn't expected and the shock showed itself on his face. He looked apprehensive. "People don't call me cute. They just don't."

Derek stepped closer and cradled his face as his thumb stroked the freckles on his cheeks. "They should. It's true. Even when you're red as a cherry, you're cute." Derek sounded distracted. "Especially then."

"Your ass is cute." Stiles inwardly cursed that his response to compliments was humor.

Derek snorted a laugh and let his hand drop. "Why, thank you. I do believe Jacob has mentioned it when he thought I couldn't hear."

"Well, I've got to respect a man that knows a true asset when he sees one."

"Was that a pun?"

Stiles put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm about to tell you something very important, it's always a pun."

They both smiled and Derek realized his cheeks were starting to hurt from it. And of course that's when reality had to crash down on him.

"Well, it was nice to know you sourwolf." He gave an exaggerated bow and Derek's stomach flipped.

"Wait, are you leaving?"

Stiles tilted his head. "Yeah. I mean my sale was a bust, thanks for that by the way. No moonshine tonight, I got you instead." His face lit up. "Maybe that's what I'll call you. Moonshine."

Derek wrinkled his nose at the name.

"Anyways, I have to head back." He pointed behind himself.

"I'm headed that way too. We can walk together."

Stiles looked at the two barrels. "I think you'll be slower, besides you don't don't want to be caught out with the likes of me. This time already has been a risk for you."

Stiles started to turn.

"Wait! I just- I was going to ask for your help. They are very heavy and it didn't look like much work for you to lift one before." He threw in one final plea. "I'm tired."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Honestly, what would you do without me." That same yellow flowed around him again, and the barrels were both lifted up.

"You didn't have to- I could've taken one."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "It's not like they're heavy."

Derek grumbled. "They are, you just cheat."

"This isn't cheating. It takes just as much effort, if not more."

Derek was intrigued. He had heard stories about sparks and their power. Given their rarity he didn't think he'd ever meet one. "How does it work? I mean, I just assumed you waggled your fingers and it, I don't know, happened."

Stiles gave him an unimpressed look. "You thought magic... Just happens?"

He shrugged.

Stiles sighed and began walking. "There are different types of magic, but rarely does it ever just, happen. Every type of magic takes years of mastery and skill. Though you can have an aptness for it, a predisposition. Something that makes magic just," Stiles paused, seemingly searching inside himself for the answer. "Belong. Magic just belongs inside some people. It is meant to flow, to work and be inside of some people. Like me. And like how being a werewolf belongs inside of you. Its not a part of you, it is you."

Stiles stopped walking and Derek did as well.

Easy as breathing Stiles' eyes turned scarlet and flames reflected from his eyes into Derek's while he watched with interest. Stiles raised a closed fist and slowly opened it to let loose little cinders. They rose up and as Derek watched their dance they took shape of a bird. It swooped and soared, but soon enough they took on a new shape. A man's face slowly came into focus. As they settled Derek recognized the face as his own. His image morphed and he saw his eyes gather most of the burning particles and it changed his face to a look of anger. Just as it looked like it was about to yell something, all of the cinders instantly gathered into his eyes. In the next moment, the two spots were gathering. As the groups collided they shot up into the air to once again form the bird, this time wings spread wide. Derek heard a ear piercing screech, but it only reverberated inside of his own chest. Just like that, they disappeared leaving not even a trail of smoke in their wake.

"Neat party trick, huh?" His eyes went back to normal and he resumed walking, like he hadn't just changed Derek's worldview.

"That was bloody brilliant!"

Stiles shrugged. "You should see what I can do with a glass of water."

Derek's eyes shone. "I bet that's brilliant too."

Stiles rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks."

"That bird was beautiful. And it really looked like my face!" Derek faltered and seemed unsure, "Except, why-why did it look like that? So angry and hateful?"

Stiles looked away. "That's how you looked last time I saw you. Usually, it latches onto a vibrant memory of someone's face."

Derek solemnly nodded. "Right. I'm sorry about that. I shoul-"

Stiles waved a hand. "It doesn't matter. Who cares."

"I do. I treated you unjustly. I apologize."

Stiles looked over at him. "I accept." He looked down at his hands for a second. "Well, I should go."

Derek looked at him with alarm. Perhaps his apology was lackluster. "But-" After his objection he took in the scene of a familiar back alley. "Oh. We're already here."

Stiles scoffed. "You hadn't noticed, sourwolf?"

Derek looked sheepish. He hadn't. He was so wrapped up in Stiles he could've walked straight into a pole and he wouldn't have noticed.

"I just- we barely got to talk."

"My favorite fruit is oranges, I love freshly baked pastries, but I can only get the best ones in a land far away from here, and I've had a long day. These barrels are heavy. There, those are some things about me." Stiles gently set down the barrels and the yellow magic faded after Derek opened the door for him.

Derek nodded. "Right. Of course. I know they are, I haul them every week." He hoped he picked up on what he was trying to ask for.

"I bid you farewell, sourwolf."

The frustration at him leaving without the insurance of another meeting got to him. "Goodnight pirate."

The pirate's face closed off at that. He quickly turned on his heels to leave.

Shit. This alley must be cursed. He always said the wrong thing there.

"Stiles?"

He didn't turn. "Yes?"

"My favorite fruit is apples."

When Stiles' face came into view it had a soft smile. "Sleep well, moonshine."

"You as well, Captain." Stiles face was shocked and pleased at Derek using his proper title for the first time.

Stiles walked away again and Derek reluctantly went in the door.

Damn it. He would never see him again.

Damn it. As Stiles walked away he thought of how he should've made plans for another meeting, but he hadn't.

Derek fell asleep and for the first time, dreamed of images in fire and ashes that didn't end in heartbreak.

---

Mr. Bramington and his son came sharply at three. Derek was able to make his excuses as he kept himself busy while they drank. Jacob, upon realizing his father must've greatly exaggerated his interest, left with his father in tow.

The evening passed in a flash after that as Derek's mood was high and the bar was full. He cleaned tables diligently as his mother poured for the evening crowd.

A patron made a joke and he smiled back. He was about to crack back when he looked up at the swinging doors clattering open.

His smile faltered and he nearly dropped the jug he was carrying.

His mother shot him a look and quickly wiped her hands on her apron as she weaved the tables to get to their intruder.

He had to get upstairs. Lily had not learned proper control over sensing pack distress, so his father had no way of knowing what was happening.

Over his shoulder he heard, "Captain Whittemore, have you come for a drink?"

At that name being uttered the tavern fell to a hush.

"No. I'm here on business."

Derek felt the bile at the back of his throat as he reached the girl's room where they were studying.

His dad looked up from where he was pointing at the book in front of Lily with a smile. One that faded as soon as he saw Derek's state. He instantly knew something was wrong.

"Where is your mother?" He asked urgently.

"Downstairs with the Captain."

The color drained from his face.

Thomas instantly shot up and grabbed Lily's hand. He drug her over to his room and Derek could hear him grabbing their packed bag from under his bed and handing Derek's to Lily.

His father similarly went to his room and grabbed his parents bag.

From downstairs Derek heard, "What sort of business?" His mother's voice cool as a river.

"The official kind."

They both rushed back into the room and suddenly Derek couldn't hear anything except the blood pumping in his ears.

He could see the commotion of them moving around him, but could not bring himself to move.

He saw Thomas sling a bag around himself, then he helped Lily pull out one from under Laura's bed.

He saw his father grab a knife out of his bag and he wondered if people were about to bust down the door. If his father could hear them he should be able to, but he just couldn't focus. His mind felt foggy as he watched his father open and lean out of the window. He saw him stick the knife under one of the letters on the sign right outside the window. He pried until the H came off. He knew there was a reason for it. His mind was just so blurry right now.

Aven. That was a flower. Right? Derek was grasping to figure out what it meant. It didn't make sense. The letter now laid on the window sill and it meant something. Laura would know. Maybe it was about Laura?

His father was now tucking the knife into his waistband and talking to him. Was he talking too? No, he didn't think so. It didn't even feel like he was breathing. What was his father trying to say? Something about his mother. Was she here? He tried to shake his head to clear it. To bring his father's or his mother's voice back into focus, but he could not. He tried desperately to bring air into his lungs, but once again he couldn't.

Suddenly he felt a small hand on his arm and the world snapped back into focus. "Derek, you need to calm down."

He looked into Thomas' eyes and they were set with determination. "You need to help us. We can't hear down there, but you can. What is mom saying? Can you tell us?"

Derek nodded even though he wasn't sure he could do much of anything right now. It was taking all of his strength to just remain standing. He focused on the hand holding his arm then on his mother's voice. "She's taking the Captain to the storeroom."

"What else?"

He still felt a bit dazed. He didn't answer Thomas.

He saw him moving and he brought Lily closer.

"Ow!" He felt the pinpricks of tiny claws.

"What else Derek?!"

He felt his head clear. Oh God, he needed to protect them. The Captain would kill them. He looked at his little brother and cousin. He was instantly dropped back into the panic of the moment as his senses returned fully. "She's taking him around. He's... looking for something?"

His father's eyebrows pulled together. "What?"

He listened and tried to catch their words, but it was hard with them in the heavily insulated room. He finally pieced enough words together.

"He's looking for moonshine?"

His father deflated and he looked two seconds away from a heart attack. "Thank the gods." There was an uneasy set to his shoulders still, but he wasn't as distraught. "I should go down. Derek stay here, and if you hear us tell you, you take them and you run."

He dutifully nodded.

His father went downstairs and the three of them sat huddled together, a kid under each of his arms, tensely till Derek heard the guards and the Captain leave. Lily started shaking and he just held her tighter. Derek hadn't realized how scared he was till he saw his mother enter and his claws vanished from where they were buried in his thighs.

At the sight of her, Thomas started to sob. His parents quickly joined them on the floor where Derek was leaning against Laura's bed. They wrapped them up in a hug and just sat there for a couple minutes.

Lily's timid barely used voice broke the silence. "Safe?"

Derek pulled her onto his lap as his mother kissed her forehead.

"Safe."

She stopped trembling and nodded.

His mother rose to her feet and Derek wanted to pull her back down.

"I have to go to the meeting place. Laura would've been done by now and she would've seen the sign. She'll be waiting."

The only thing keeping him from asking his mother to stay was the need to see his sister.

When they went back downstairs the bar was empty besides Mark who had reached across the bar to serve himself.

As his mother moved to leave his father stopped her. "Maybe I should go, love. I'm less noticeable than you. And you should stay with the kids."

She considered for a moment. "Alright. But hurry."

He nodded then walked up to her. They briefly rested their heads together then kissed. "I'll be back soon, dear."

He was out the door.

They helped their mother clean up the bar as they waited.

Derek was flipping a chair over as the doors burst open and a teary eyed Laura froze at the door. After seeing them alive and unharmed she ran closer and swept the two youngest into her arms. Derek moved closer and he was brought into the hug as well.

"I saw the sign and I thought- I thought I'd never see you again." Her voice was shaky.

Their mother smoothed down her wild hair. "Did you leave your father behind?"

Just as she finished speaking. The doors burst open yet again. His father was out of breath as he braced on his knees. "Don't worry about your old man. Just run all the way back why don't you."

There had been so many people bursting through the doors these days ever since Sti-

Derek's heart dropped out of his chest.

They were here looking for moonshine. Stiles sold moonshine. Derek was with him last night.

This was all his fault.

Derek didn't know whether he felt more guilt or more anger.

He suddenly thought about Stiles warning him that being around him could be dangerous, then he thought of the dirty pirate some how telling Jackson about them.

He now felt nothing but rage and contempt for the pirate.

He started to stalk off to his room, but Laura caught his arm. She looked to their mother. "What are we to do?"

His mother and father looked at each other for a few moments. "We will stay, for awhile. To leave immediately would arouse suspicion, but if they call again we will leave. If this is just about erroneous moonshine rumors then this will blow over. We just stay quiet and calm. Go to sleep."

Derek was anything but calm as he laid down for bed.

He sat stewing for a half hour before he heard a groan. "I need you to stop Derek. I can't sleep. It won't help being angry or feeling guilty."

Derek didn't know what to say.

He heard a sigh and covers rustling.

Thomas settled in beside him and he instantly felt the comfort of his brother.

"Do you want a story?"

Thomas laid his head on Derek's shoulder. "No. I think I just want to be here."

Derek knew exactly what he meant so his just kissed his forehead and said, "Okay."

Less than ten minutes later he heard shuffling in the girl's room before their door opened and in walked Laura holding a sleeping Lily to her chest. "Move over Der-bear."

It had been awhile since he had heard the teasing nickname and didn't care for it, but he complied nonetheless.

All four of them settled in.

He heard his mother check all the doors and windows. She came to check on them.

She gave all four of them a kiss on the forehead before saying goodnight.

Derek slept restlessly. If it wasn't Thomas kicking him it was Laura's snoring. Lily was a sticky weight on his chest. Good God, that kid was a furnace. He was already awake when the noise started from the alley, but all the wolves fell quickly out of slumber.

Thomas awoke with a look of alarm. "What is it?"

Laura went to stand, but Derek stopped her. "You stay with them. It's probably the raccoons again."

He met his mother in the hall.

"I'll check tonight Derek."

He felt a bit of panic bubble in his chest. "No, it's okay I can. It's probably that pest again."

"I want to make sure tonight." She looked like she was listening to the back alley.

Shit. He hoped she was focused enough on the noise outside and not on his heart. "I looked out the window. It's just raccoons."

She looked at him for a moment and he tried to be calm. "Okay."

He nodded and went downstairs.

He took a steadying breath before opening the door.

The pirate's mouth opened with some quip or another at the ready. Derek quickly put a finger against his own mouth to tell him to be silent. He moved his hands in a way that he thought looked like magic using. Stiles raised and eyebrow and rolled his eyes. Which turned black and wispy like they had before.

The smoke cleared and he spoke. "There, now no one can hea-"

Derek had him up against the opposite wall by his throat before he even finished his sentence. The pirate's eyes went wide as Derek lifted him slightly off the ground. He started to try and break the hold as Derek's claws started to make beads of blood drip down his neck. "Do you enjoy toying with people?! With their families?! Well, I've had enough of your sick games, you bastard! All this time you try and get me to trust you, but then you do this?! Why even bother?!" Derek's eyes were murderous.

The pirate was desperately trying to take in a breath. "St-stop. W-wh-what?"

He thought of how scared he had been earlier, Derek's resolve didn't falter. "I should kill you for what you did to my family."

The confusion in the pirate's eyes seemed out of place to him. He let up just a bit.

The human's nails dug into his arms. "Do-don't ma-make me d-"

Derek pressed harder again. If he was innocent why wasn't he using his magic to help himself? Did he feel guilty?

"P-please."

With a growl Derek let him drop to the floor. He fell to his hands and knees and took in great gulps of air.

In-between deep breaths he spoke. "What. The. Hell."

Looking at his prone form Derek wanted to kick him till he heard bones crack. "You are the scum of the earth. You prey on innocent people no matter how much it hurts others."

Stiles shakily made it back to his feet. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Derek whirled on him and the pirate's arms whipped up placatingly.

"Don't play dumb!"

"Listen to my heart. Does it skip? I have no idea what you're talking about."

Derek's eyebrows pulled together. He thought back. How would the Captain have known if the pirate hadn't told him? "That doesn't make any sense. He knew. He knew we talked. How did he know?"

Stiles looked as confused as Derek. "Who? How did who know?"

Derek sneered, "The Captain. He came to my bar because of you."

Stiles' eyes went wide. "What? No. That doesn't make any sense. He couldn't have not withou- What exactly happened?"

"He came looking for your pisswater, as if we would sell it." The confusion morphed back to anger.

Stiles let out a relieved breath. "Oh."

That boiled his blood. "Oh?! Oh?! Like he couldn't have found out about us?! Like we couldn't have been forced to flee our home?! Like it isn't important that my entire family could've been torn apart and killed?!" His voice rose as fearful tears fell.

"No. Oh, like I'm glad he didn't know about you. Oh, like I'm glad you and your family are safe. Oh, like I'm glad you weren't forced to leave."

Derek felt like someone had put all of his emotions into a cup and mixed them. "What? How- why do you say things like that, and yet you leave me so confused? I always feel so many different things around you. I feel like I should trust you, even when I know it is not so."

The pirate's face turned into a soft smile. "Feel all you would like, but know this, I would never, ever put your family in harms way. I would die before telling anyone something that would harm you or them."

Derek just kept falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. "Why? What have we done to earn such fierce allegiance?"

Stiles looked into his eyes and he swore he saw a flash of guiding light. "Because, you exist in a way that is different. Someone that has everyone against them needs at least one person on their side." He squinted at him. "And I don't think you've ever had that person, moonshine."

Derek decided he believed him. The fight left his shoulders and he let the anger fizzle. He replied, "You hurt me. You hurt me because you exist in a way that is different, but similar to me. You hurt me because you have decided to care for me, and I don't know what that means. Or even if I can allow it." He stared directly into Stiles' eyes. "I cannot yet decide if you are a poison or a salve. If you are meant to be my healing or my damnation. A kiss of grace-" Derek looked to his lips. "Or the silver tongue of the devil."

Stiles' arm reached up, but it froze as Derek looked to the side and continued, "Because I was around you my family could've lost everything."

His arm dropped.

"I am sorry Miguel. Truly."

Derek looked back intensely. "Are you bad for me?"

Stiles wanted nothing more than to say no. "I could be. I do not know."

Derek sighed. "My family I-"

Stiles' smile did not reach his eyes. "It's okay. I know. I understand."

When Stiles' hand cupped his cheek he closed his eyes against the feelings welling inside of him. He didn't see it, but he felt the soft press of lips against his other cheek.

"Goodbye, my moonshine."

He had only met him a hand full of times, but Derek had this pull towards him. It felt like if he let him walk away he'd spend the rest of his life regretting it. He didn't want to see Stiles leave. "Goodbye, Captain."

When Derek opened his eyes he saw a faint trace of black smoke. His spell was gone, just like him.

"Derek?" His mother's voice called out from the steps. "What's taking so long?"

Derek wiped under his eyes and walked back inside. "Nothing, Mom."

She frown as soon as she saw him, then her face turned surprised. "You were crying?"

Of course she'd smell his tears. "Nothing Mama. I just hurt him and I didn't mean to." Derek felt the sting of how true those words were.

Her face softened. "It looks like he hurt you too. You have too kind of a heart, sweet cub. Sometimes we hurt things we don't mean to. That doesn't make us bad. It just makes us people. Everybody hurts things Derek. I'm sure he's fine." She pulled him into a hug and raked her fingers through his hair.

"He just- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He crumpled farther into her.

Stiles was the first person he'd ever had any sort of connection to, and he messed it up somehow. He didn't even know if he was trustworthy, but his absence stung like he was important. Like he was a friend.

Derek had only been friends with Issac, Erica, and Boyd, and they had to leave him too. He probably hurt them too. He almost hurt his family by not being careful. Why was he so bad at this.

Maybe he was the poison.

His mother pulled back and he put on a smile.

She looked unsure. "Is something else the matter? Is there som-"

"I'm fine. Just too tired I think." He started for the stairs.

"Derek."

He looked back.

"You know there is nothing you could ever do that I wouldn't forgive you for, right?"

"I kno-"

"And perhaps you should start forgiving yourself for things that were and are out of your control. I don't know or understand what has been going on with you, but I still know you. You are good, even when you try to convince yourself you are not. You put the weight of the world on your shoulders son, if I can't convince you to put it down, will you at least share it with someone? Laura or I wou-"

"I'm fine. Truly mother. Just a bad night." He knew she wouldn't believe him, but he hoped she'd let him have his secrets.

She looked like she would fight him, but then thought better of it. "Alright. Get some sleep. I love you Derek."

"Love you too Mom."

Derek laid awake wondering how he knew if Stiles truly didn't tell the Captain.

---

"And that's where you left it?!" Scott sounded outraged.

"I'm a liability to his family, Scott."

"So what? It's true love!" He was practically shouting.

Cora walked in on the wrong moment. "Is he trying to convince ye to marry him again?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "No. What did you need Cor?" Beside Scott, she was his closest deckhand. Throughout their years of searching they grew close. Through every false lead, every person trying to dupe them for money, they stood together never letting their faith waver. She had become family, just as Scott was. Like all of his crew.

"Me and Malia are shovin off."

"Malia and I. Okay I'll be up in a minute to send you off."

Scott went to bed with one final beseeching look.

---

The next week passed quickly and without event. His family let out a breath at their continued safety.

Derek settled back into his normal routine like he'd never left it, and soon enough he was wondering if his loneliness invented the pirate. If he was some manifested moral argument that was warring inside of him.

Just like his magic, he had left no trace. He had half a mind to ask Mr. Bramington if he remembered him.

He was back to the rush of the day and the quietness of the night. The anger was still in the back of him, but he embraced everything with an air of detachment and acceptance.

Very few things mattered to him anymore. But among those that did, were his nightly stories. Thomas had applauded him on including more humor in them lately. He didn't have it in him to explain about how it was the pirate that really brought the humor. Another thing he never cared for before was pouring a glass of whiskey, now it was one of his favorite parts of the day. Every time someone asked for rum he looked at them, just to be sure it wasn't him. One day a patron thrilled to be done with the work week threw open the doors and Derek nearly broke his neck snapping it up so fast. He smiled at a pun his father made and he had to assure them all that he had smiled like that recently, he was sure of it, maybe just not in front of them in a long time.

Derek didn't know if his life was better or worse, he just knew it was changed. The kind of change that hurts to remember before and aches to think of what ifs.

If there was an ache in his shoulders he didn't feel it. It was almost as if his magic lingered. As if it helped Derek carry the barrels, even now.

He was looking forward to resting when out of the corner of his eye he saw a blurred shadow darting in an alley. He was instantly alarmed. He hastily put down both barrels and tried to squash the part of his brain that invented the swish of a familiar brown coat. "Who goes there?"

There was silence.

A crown's guard would've announced their presence. "I saw you moving, do not make me come over there."

An unbelievably high and shrilly voice spoke, "Oh, it's just silly me. I forgot the wash on the line."

There was no way that was actually a woman's voice.

"Come out."

"I'm in my nighty you pervert."

Derek scented the air and as familiar spicy soap, rum, salt, and something unidentifiable filled his nose, happiness filled his chest. "I already know it's you. Come out here, Stiles."

That shrilly voice again. "No, it's not."

Derek listened and sure enough, he picked out a recognizable rabbiting heartbeat. He wondered when the pirate's heartbeat had become recognizable to him. He smiled and replied in a similar high tone. "Yes it is."

It must've caught him off guard because Derek heard his bubbling laugh from the dark alley.

Slowly he emerged. "I swear, I did not seek you out."

Derek had a wide smile. "I gathered that from your most convincing ruse."

He crossed his arms. "I was pressed for time okay! You snuck up on me."

"You must be horrible at stealth. I've ran into you numerous times at night now."

Stiles' smile faded. "I'm very good at stealth actually. But I should go." He had a regretful look upon his face.

"Wait." Derek wanted to reach out to grab him. To make him stay.

"I'm sorry, moonshine. I don't wan- Your family. We mustn't press fate. It's not just the captain we have to worry about, the guard patrol."

Derek felt a hot stone in his gut. "Right. Of course. Were you on a delivery?" He didn't actually want to know. He didn't want to find out how many of their customers he was stealing, but he didn't want to be without his company again so soon.

"Yes. Business is booming. I really should depart, moonshine."

"Why don't you leave?"

The pirate looked confused and hurt.

"No! I mean not here, the port. Pirates don't stay in one port for long. Why do you? Surely you risk capture?"

"I am looking for someone. It is imperative that I find them, and it is my greatest hope that I will find them here."

"So, you cannot leave?"

"Do you want me to?"

That had been what he'd been hinting towards, but now that he said it he knew it not to be so. "I think it would be best for my heart if I had to stop saying goodbye to you."

"But do you want me to?"

Derek looked away and he then realized how unfair a question he had asked. "Sorry, nevermind."

He started to walk away when his voice froze him. "I want, to be able to talk to you the entire night. Just the two of us making each other laugh like this world isn't trying to break us. God, how you manage to make me laugh." There was a pause. "That is what I truly want."

Stiles tried to find his voice. "But we cannot have what we want, can we?"

"No."

With great difficulty he continued to walk away.

He was almost to the next alley when an idea hit him. He turned and ran back to where Derek was picking up the barrels.

Derek looked at him in confusion.

"What if no one could tell it was me?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"What if I looked completely different? Could we see each other then? If no one knew it was me?"

"I suppose? But if your disguise is anything like your voice change, then I don't think it will be very good." Derek smiled.

"Shut up you jackass. I'm serious. Would that work?"

Derek considered it. "If you looked nothing like yourself? Yes, I think it would."

Stiles' eyes were wild with happiness. He rushed Derek and hugged him. Derek wanted to let the barrels go crashing to the floor so he could wrap his arms around him instead. Stiles stepped back.

"I will meet you here, same time, next week. Okay?"

Derek wanted to say no, to have the strength for it, but he couldn't. He craved to feel the way he did around Stiles constantly. "You will find me here."

---

The week could not pass fast enough and Thomas started to wonder about the stories he told. They all included a heart touching reunion or forbidden meeting of some sort and it took Derek quite a bit of effort not to die from embarrassment when he pointed it out.

He made himself wait to leave the distillery so he'd only be ten minutes early, but he found himself dashing through the streets. He waited fifteen minutes and wondered if the pirate would show. If maybe he changed his mind, if he had left. At twenty minutes he stared at the barrels wondering how long he could put off picking them up. It had been thirty minutes and he was about to leave when he heard someone approach. His heart instantly soared.

"What took you so long? Did you take a nap, you lazy bastard?"

An old man came out of the shadows. "What did you call me?" He was bent over and had a crotchety look on his face.

Derek instantly paled. "I am so sorry sir! I thought you were someone else!"

The old man's lips started to turn up till he let out a rumbustious laugh.

Derek looked confused. He wondered if maybe the man had had a bit too much drink. He took a breath in to see if he could smell the alcohol.

He did smell rum, but there was another scent that struck him.

"Stiles?!"

The man rolled his eyes and instantly Derek knew it was him.

"What is the point of all this if you just go on saying my name like that?"

Derek check to see if he could hear anyone around. He didn't. "My gods it is you! How?"

He pulled out a pendant from under his shirt. It had the faint trace of black smoke leaking from it. He held it in his palm and closed his eyes. Between one blink and the next Stiles was standing in front of him. "I do have a few tricks, moonshine."

Derek came closer and looked at the rock. "And you'll just enchant this every time we are near? Will you always look different to me?"

Stiles shook his head. "No. It is still enchanted."

Derek cocked his head. "But I see you?"

"If I want someone to see through it, I just have to hold it and focus on a strong memory of them."

Derek thought for a moment. "Like with the fire bird?"

Stiles nodded.

"Did you think of the same memory?"

"How do you mean?" He asked confused.

Derek looked nervous. "Do you still think of me angered and yelling?"

Stiles smiled sweetly. "I think of the forests in your eyes and your bunny teeth."

To divert from his rising blush Derek flashed his fangs.

Stiles laughed. "Oh, don't worry, I think of those too. Just not when I'm casting magic."

There was no hiding his blush now. "My mother warned me sailors have dirty minds."

"Did she also tell you only pirates can follow through with all they say?"

Derek looked away. "Never came up."

The pirate opened his mouth.

"Do not! Leave it alone."

He laughed. "Shame. That was such a good one."

Derek felt the smile on his face slide into place and he relaxed. "What took you so long?"

"I received a message." Dejection wafted through the air.

"Not good?" Derek tried to be sympathetic, even though Laura always told him he sucked at it.

"Not the best, but that doesn't matter now. Now I just want to talk to you."

Derek felt warmth curl itself into his belly, but not the harsh heat he was familiar with. It was nice, feeling like someone wanted his company.

They wandered aimlessly and talked all night.

************************

Okayyyy so hopefully I'll have the next part up in like a week. Thanks for reading!  

[babyboy-bangtan]

By Chance Chapters 9-10

A misunderstanding gone viral puts you on BTS’s radar, which leads to a series of events that finally culminate with you meeting them for the first time.

✚ Pairing: Sub!BTS/Female Reader ✚ Word Count: 2.8K ✚ Rating: M ✚ Warnings: None. ✚ A/N: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of my imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Read on AO3 / Chapters 1-4 /  Chapters 5-8

Chapter 9: The Guests

"Do you already know which artist is performing that day?" Your friend asks over the phone while you eat your toast with one hand and hold a script with the other. Reading it doesn't need your full attention, and based on what this movie seems to be about it doesn't look like it deserves it anyway.

"No, not yet." You reply absentmindedly, taking another bite of your toast while seriously contemplating just giving up on this script halfway through reading it. You doubt it's redeemable at this point. "It's in like a month anyway. They said they would tell me first before announcing it, though."

"This is so exciting!" She almost squeals, and you close the script before throwing it in the trash. You lost count of how many times it was written that the male protagonist couldn't keep his eyes from your cleavage. "I can't believe you're hosting again. I've been waiting for this to happen for years!" You can't help but laugh at her dramatics.

"It feels as surreal as the first time, honestly." You eat the last bite of your toast and pour yourself another glass of orange juice. You did enough freaking out to last a lifetime when you hosted the show for the first time a couple years ago, so this time you're excited but definitely not on the verge of a nervous breakdown like last time.

"Who do you think will be performing?" She asks, and you realize that you hadn't thought about that at all. "Oh my god what if it's BEYONCÉ?" She damn near screams that last part, and your brain immediately screams NO at that. You're still embarrassed at what happened last year, and you don't know when you'll be able to face her again without feeling mortified. 

"Who knows?" You quickly reply. "Maybe it'll be like Ed Sheeran or something."

"Maybe." She responds, way less excited than when she thought Beyoncé was a possibility. "Anyways, tell me when you know, okay? My break is almost done so I gotta go."

"Will do. Bye, love you!"

"Love you too, bye!" You hang up and stretch your arms over your head, already feeling stressed.

What if it was Beyoncé? It would be the third time you see her and even though she was incredibly lovely when you apologized and explained what happened the first time you met, that did nothing to erase the embarrassment you still feel today. You don't really think she would perform in a regular episode with you as the guest either, but now you can't help but feel anxious about it.

They said they were going to tell you who the artist was in the next few days, so for now all you can do is wait and try to not overthink too much.

Easier said than done.

Three hours ago, taking a nap because it was raining and the temperature had dropped just enough for it to be perfect for sleeping had seemed like a great idea. It's not the first time you do it, the day called for it, and since you didn't have to work today it was okay to relax and rest for a bit considering that in a couple days you'll start shooting again.

Completely harmless.

Except it wasn't.

You wake up thanks to some very loud thunder, and you snuggle deeper into your covers to continue sleeping. Another thunder disrupts you again, so you decide to look at the time and see if it's even worth it to try and sleep some more. But instead of being greeted with the time once you turn your phone on, you're greeted with 50 missed calls and texts from over 30 conversations.

"What the fuck?" You mumble to yourself, rubbing your eyes to try and see a little better.

Around 30 of the missed calls are from friends, and the rest are from your publicist and agent. You scroll down the conversations until you reach the message you got first, and the name makes you think you might understand what happened.

SNL Producer.

2 hours ago.

Hello [Y/N]! I'm just writing you to let you know before we post it on social media, that the musical guest on your episode will be BTS. See you soon!

Well, now you have no doubt that's definitely it.

You read through the messages as fast as you can and manage to reply to several before you're interrupted by your publicist calling.

"Hi, sorry. I was taking a nap." You quickly say.

"Don't worry, I just wanted to let you know that the internet exploded two hours ago."

"Because of BTS?" You ask, pulling the covers off of you and sitting on the edge of your bed. "That's not news, it happens every other week."

"Well, yes, true—" She agrees. "—but we don't care about those times, we care about this now because it involves you." She pauses for a second. "Check what I just sent you." You remove your phone from your ear and put her on speaker before opening the message notification.

It's the screenshot of an Entertainment Weekly tweet.

Exclusive: @BTS_twt and [Y/N] will finally meet and we couldn't be more excited

4,5K replies, 190K retweets, 380K likes.

"How the fuck did that get so many likes?" You blurt out, eyes wide. Your hear your publicist laugh heartily.

"It's more now, actually. The screenshot is from 10 minutes ago. And it's because BTS retweeted it."

"Oh, right." You say, shaking your head at yourself. You should've known. "That makes sense."

"It would be even better if you had a twitter account yourself so you could retweet and even send them someth—"

"My mental health." You interrupt her, rolling your eyes as you fall back again on the bed. You've lost count of how many times she's tried to have you make new accounts already. "Remember how I had to start taking antidepressants because of social media?"

"Right, yeah. The mental health thing." She sighs. "You could always have someone manage them instead of yourself, you know."

"Yeah, and then I'd be constantly checking what's been posted and what people have replied to every post." You hate talking to her about this, because even though she's great at her job and mostly understanding, she still complains about what a loss it is that you're not on Instagram and Twitter.

"Fine. I'll drop it." She pauses for a second. "Anyway, the reason why I called is to know how much do you know about these guys."

"I know a bunch of their songs. I've been listening to that song they did with Nicki, Idol— it's so catchy and the video is so random but so great." You conveniently leave out the detail that the reason you like the video so much is because they look beautiful in those suits while simultaneously looking like the cutest human beings on Earth with their other colorful outfits— especially in those sweaters with cartoon characters and the ripped jeans. "I actually watched a bunch of their music videos back when the whole behind the scenes stuff happened." Moments from their Blood, Sweat and Tears music video pop into your mind, but you immediately redirect your thoughts elsewhere. That video makes you feel way too many things that you should not be feeling while talking to your publicist. "They're so talented." You quickly add, sincerely. "I was thinking about watching some interviews soon to see what they're like. I haven't really watched any of that."

"Good! I was going to tell you to do that. These guys are like a publicity machine. If they approve of you, their fans will like you."

"Weeell..." You say, grimacing a little. You're not so sure about that. "Either that happens or they see me as a threat to them and decide I'm not good enough to be near them, and get a hashtag calling me a demon trending first worldwide."

"Well, based on the replies to that tweet I think many of them are excited. The international fans at least, I don't know about their Korean fanbase."

"And also, do not call them a publicity machine. They're actual people, you know." You sigh. "And that's not the reason why I will try to know more about them. It would be disrespectful to meet them without knowing anything about them. And please, stop seeing artists as only publicity opportunities. I told you I hate that!"

"That's literally my job, love. And whatever your good person reasoning is, I don't care. Just do that." She pauses. "And now I have to leave you, because unlike you I actually have to work today. See ya." She hangs up before you can say anything, and you take a deep breath.

She can be a goddamn handful, but even when she acts without emotions she always does things the way you want them and is very accommodating. She's good at her job.

You finally get out of bed and walk to the kitchen, where you left your laptop. But before you can do anything, you have an incoming FaceTime call from your best friend. She must've just read your reply to her 50 angry texts because you didn't tell her who the guest artist was going to be on your Saturday Night Live episode before the rest of the world found out.

"Heeeeeeey." You say innocently once her face appears on screen.

"Why didn't you tell me?! I had to find out on Twitter!"

"Okay, to be fair, you found out before I did. I was dead asleep when the producer texted me." You leave the phone standing against a glass of water and open your laptop. "So I had no chance to tell you before they announced it."

"Ugh, fine." She groans, rolling her eyes. "Anyways, are you excited?"

"I haven't had a chance to feel anything. I woke up to a thousand texts and calls and then my publicist called me." You open Youtube and start typing BTS to see what suggestions pop up first.

"Oh right, cause you went viral again. People on Twitter lost their shit over it."

"Yeah but they always do when BTS does something so it's not like it's new." You reply, a bit distracted.

BTS on crack?

"Okay, yeah. That's true." She agrees. "What are you doing?"

"Homework." You reply, scrolling through the endless results you got after clicking BTS on crack.

"Alright then, keep your secrets." She jokes, shaking her head. "I have to go anyway, I'm going out tonight." You blow a kiss in her direction.

"Have fun!"

"I always do! Bye!" She hangs up as you open a video titled "bts being crackheads for 5 mins straight".

You only need to watch a couple minutes to realize what type of videos these are. You have seen a couple of yourself that are edited similarly, but they were titled "[Y/N] being chaotic in interviews" and another one about you being extra— and you'd thought they were very funny.

A recommended video catches your eye, because it has hundreds of thousands of views.

RUNBTS 1-23 Best Moments

You have no idea what it is, but judging by the amount of views and the tiny amount of dislikes, it must be something good.

Time to start watching.

Chapter 10: The Surprise

"Do you think he will be angry at us for keeping it as a secret?" Hoseok asks, ear pointed at the bathroom door. He's doing his best to listen if the shower is still running, which means that Jungkook is not coming out just yet.

"No, he'll be too excited to be angry." Namjoon replies, waving his hand dismissively. "Jimin, don't blurt it out as soon as he comes here." He warns him, and Jimin looks completely shocked, not to mention offended. He searches for the support of the other guys with his eyes, but he finds that they're all looking at him the same way Namjoon is.

"What? Me?" He asks, pointing at himself. "Why me?"

"You're a terrible liar when you're excited about something." Taehyung says, and Jimin just stares at him with an angry pout. 

"I'm not." He says, crossing his arms.

"You are." Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok and Jin say at the same time. Jimin refuses to dignify that with an answer, so he just stays silent with his angry pout still in place.

"The shower stopped." Hoseok says suddenly, craning his neck to listen better— and everyone goes silent. Not too long after, they hear it opening and Jungkook comes out drying his hair already dressed for bed.

"What's going on?" He asks, stopping suddenly when he sees them all standing there in the most suspicious way possible.

"Nothing!" Jimin suddenly says, way more excited than they had told him he was allowed to look.

"Jungkook, when did you say [Y/N] was going to be on SNL?" Hoseok asks, trying to not give himself away with the tone of his voice.

"April 13, why?" He continues to dry his hair, looking at the boys with narrowed eyes. He doesn't know what they're trying to do, but based on that question it seems like it has something to do with you. Maybe they want to watch the episode with him, since they're going to be in America by the time it airs anyway.

"So, we didn't tell you this before it was truly confirmed because we wanted it to be a surprise..." Namjoon starts, and Jungkook stops his movements.

They can't be telling him what he thinks they're telling him, right?

There's no way.

"But we'll be performing on SNL on April 13." He finishes. The towel drops from Jungkook's hands, and he just stares at them with no clear expression in his face.

"I thought he'd be more excited." Taehyung whispers in a confused tone to Namjoon, who lifts up a finger in response, signaling for him to wait.

"Give him a sec—"

"WHAT?!"

After a lot of happy screaming, a half an hour long videocall to his parents and a big glass of warm milk to calm him down, Jungkook is finally sitting down on the couch with the rest of the boys so they can explain how things went down.

"Jimin-Hyung, I can't believe you didn't tell me." Jungkook says, shaking his head with a surprised smile.

"We wanted to keep it from him, too." Yoongi says. "But he listened to us talking about it and we had to let him in."

"It was really hard to keep it a secret!" Jimin complains. "Because I was so excited. But I did so well, didn't I?" The rest don't really pay attention to him, except for Namjoon, who nods and gives him a thumbs up. Jimin isn't pleased with so little praise, but he takes it anyway. It's better than nothing.

"Ah, I'm so nervous." Jungkook says, unable to stop himself from grinning even though his face already hurts from smiling so much. He brings his knees up to his chest so he can hide his face in them, suddenly blushing. Even after he explicitly heard you talking about them, you still feel so far away from them that it almost doesn't feel real that they're going to meet you in a month.

"She already said she wanted to meet us—" Jin adds casually, and Namjoon has to hold back a sigh of relief because he's finally talking about you without getting nervous two seconds later. "—so you've got nothing to worry about."

He's come a long way since his confession a few months ago— even if Namjoon and Yoongi are still the only ones who know about his secret— and that lifts a huge weight from Namjoon's shoulders. It means that it's less likely he'll become instantly flustered the moment they see you for the first time, because if Jin gets nervous because of you in front of the cameras, everyone will notice and then talk about it— and Namjoon is sure that is the last thing Jin wants.

It doesn't take them long to realize it's futile to try and talk about the logistics of their performance with Jungkook right now, because he's barely paying attention to them. His grin has remained steady and unmoving from the moment they told him they would perform on the same day you're hosting, and they know it's going to continue that way for the next few days.

He'll be able to focus again once the initial shock passes and he finally realizes that yes, this is actually happening.

They are going to finally meet you.

Long after everyone has gone to bed, Jungkook lies still awake in bed, fully aware that he's not sleeping any time soon. He's still feeling giddy with happiness; he can't believe that they're going to actually meet you, and in a place where they will actually get to spend time with you, at that. He will get to talk to you, to actually be close to you and maybe, if he's lucky and brave enough, he might even get to hug you.

He'd fantasized about maybe seeing you in an awards show one day, but this is so much better than anything he could've imagined.

April 13 can't come soon enough.

Thank you so much for reading! Comments, asks, whatever you like is more than welcomed!

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 10: Prickly Pair (originally posted on March 22, 2021)

AN: We're getting close to shit gettin' down here! As Steven tries out a new hobby, we learn pretty quickly he refuses to move on from anything while his hobby begins to turn on him. Wow, that's a sentence I never thought I would say.

Synopsis: Steven takes up gardening and grows a sentient cactus that repeats everything he says.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven, Cactus Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno Hall as Pearl

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

--

One afternoon in Beach City, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were helping Steven carry large bags of dirt to his conservatory above the beach house. A few days had passed since the Little Homeschool graduation, and Steven had decided what he wanted to do next.

"We got your dirt, dude!" Amethyst exclaimed as she helped the other Gems with carrying the dirt to the conservatory.

"Thanks, guys," Steven replied gratefully while opening the door to the conservatory. "come on in."

Inside, the Gems discovered a beautiful garden of flowers awaiting them. "How many of these did your magic spit grow?" Amethyst asked.

"None." Steven answered with a chuckle. "I grew all these the old-fashioned way."

"So this is what you've been up to since leaving Little Homeschool." Garnet realized.

"Yeah, teaching was great and all, but I dunno if that was my calling in life." Steven said. "Besides, it was really bittersweet seeing the Off-Colors leave."

"Well, I think this is a wonderful way to spend some you time." Pearl praised Steven's new hobby.

"Me time? I'm hardly alone here." Steven snickered before he knelt and gazed at a bluebell flower. "I call this little smartie Connie." Then, he got back up to examine an onion. "And this onion I call, well, Onion." Next, Steven gestured to some perennials. "And these perennials will never leave!" He began to point to a few of them in particular. "That one's Sadie, and this is her band Daisy Clover and the Shrub-Spects." Finally, he walked over to a pink flower in a blue pot with a star on it. "I named this one Lars." Steven revealed before he started talking to it. "You're stuck in the ground, aren't you?" he said in baby-talk. "Not going to zip into space and leave everyone behind. No you won't, no you won't."

Garnet and Pearl just stared at Steven with concerned looks on their faces, but Amethyst was too busy snacking on dirt to look the same.

"Uh, Steven?" Amethyst said, chewing on some of the soil.

"This might not be the healthiest approach to your new hobby." Garnet admitted bluntly.

"Besides, Onion ain't ever leading anytime soon!" Amethyst added. "Unfortunately!" she coughed.

"I'm just having fun, that's all!" Steven fibbed. "You all should take it easy. They're just plants!"

"In that case, we'll leave you to it." Pearl declared while the three Gems left the conservatory.

"Have fun, dude!" Amethyst called while the door closed behind them. After a bit, the door reopened.

"You should probably keep an eye on your plants, though." Garnet warned, peeking her head through the door before leaving again.

As soon as the Gems departed, Steven turned to discover a lonely, decaying cactus sitting on a wooden table behind him. "Huh?" he muttered while walking over to check up on the prickly plant. "What am I doing?" Steven mused to himself. "Is this really my thing now, plants?"

Steven then picked up a knife and began using it to cut off the top of the cactus. "Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl aren't even impressed." He continued monologuing to himself. "I guess gardening just isn't as awesome as saving the universe."

Steven then moved the cactus cutting away from the cactus he cut it from while filling a new pot with dirt. "Okay, little guy, welcome to your new-OUCH!" he yelped in pain from pricking himself on the cactus top, before sticking his injured finger in his mouth. When Steven popped his finger out, the saliva gathered began to sparkle as he placed the cutting in the pot. "Probably should've worn gloves."

Just then, Steven's tummy began to rumble. "Whoa, guess it must be lunchtime." He said to himself before turning to the cactus. "I'll be back for you soon, little guy."

As Steven left the cactus in the conservatory, something about the succulent began to change slowly.

--

"Yo, you think something is up with Steven?" Amethyst asked Garnet and Pearl down at the beach house. "I mean, I'm sure we can all agree it's weird he's naming the plants after people who already parted ways with him."

"Yes, very strange indeed." Garnet agreed. "Perhaps we should talk to him about it."

"Or, maybe we could just leave him alone." Amethyst suggested. "I mean, I'm sure it's a very touchy subject for him."

"That reminds me." Pearl interjected, plucking her phone from her gem. "Childcare book author George Ikari is holding a signing in a week, and I plan on going." She showed Garnet and Pearl a picture of a bearded man with glasses ominously clasping his fingers together while on the cover of a book titled "What to Do When Your Child Feels Directionless."

"That cover doesn't look menacing at all." Amethyst declared sarcastically.

"I'm going to have to side with Pearl for this, Amethyst." Garnet stated. "Maybe this book could be helpful."

Just then, Steven came walking downstairs from the conservatory. "Hey guys, what are you talking about?"

"We were just discussing this author Pearl wants to see some time." Garnet said. "So, how are things going with your plants?"

"I just pricked my finger on a cactus, no big." Steven laughed nervously.

"Oh my, best get that looked at!" Pearl yelped. "Who knows how long till it gets infected?"

"Relax Pearl, I'm fine." Steven replied. "Nothing some healing spit can't fix."

--

The following day, Steven went back up to the conservatory with a watering can in hand to take care of his cactus when he made a startling discovery.

The cactus had grown! Not just bigger and healthier, but it had also grown a face, and was barking like a dog at him.

"Whoa!" Steven exclaimed as he threw the watering can away and raced to the now living cactus. "Oh my gosh, did I make my cactus come to life? I have got to tell the Gems about this!"

--

Downstairs, Amethyst was taking a group selfie with Garnet and Pearl when Steven came to them with his latest discovery.

"Hey guys, look what I made!" Steven proudly presented his plant, which continued barking. "Look at the little guy!"

"I thought you weren't using your spit on your plants?" Amethyst wondered while putting the phone away.

"No, I think I may have accidentally made it come alive with my spit." Steven replied. "I think it may have been after I pricked myself yesterday."

"A likely story!" Amethyst declared, squinting at Steven suspiciously.

"That cactus really bounced back." Garnet remarked, thinking back to how decayed it was yesterday.

"A real survivor, much like you." Pearl added proudly.

"Aww, and he's got a little lumpy head like you!" Amethyst cooed to the cactus. "Hey, why don't we call it Cactus Steven?"

"Cactus Steven, eh?" the real Steven asked. "Call me conceited, but I kinda like it."

Cactus Steven began cooing at the Gems, though in a way that made Pearl concerned. "Is he okay?"

"I think he just wants some sunlight." Steven realized, turning the pot so that his cactus lookalike faced him. "Maybe I could use some too."

--

Throughout the rest of the day, Steven took his little cactus around Beach City and Little Homeworld, showing him to all his friends and introducing the succulent to all the things he liked to do.

As the day rolled to a close, the two Stevens took this moment to just sit down on the beach and watch the sunset together.

"This beach, it just never changes." Steven mused to his new cactus friend. "I mean, a lot has changed. I'm trying to be cool about it, but everything just feels so weird now. Everybody's moving on with their lives, and I should be too. I gave up running the school, but I still don't know what comes next." He then turned to Cactus Steven. "You know what I'm talking about, right?"

As a cactus that only came to life not too long ago, Cactus Steven turned to his Gem/human counterpart with an expression that one would make when saying, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's probably better that I'm not running Little Homeschool anymore!" Steven continued, even though Cactus Steven probably isn't able to make a concrete reply. "But who am I to decide what's best for everyone anymore?" Steven then got up and began to walk away from Cactus Steven. "Those Gems are better off learning from Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Lapis, Peridot, Bismuth, everyone!" He started getting more stressed with each word. "Why do I need to be needed?! Come on Steven, what's wrong with you?!"

Cactus Steven turned his little head sideways, or as sideways as he could in his pot, with a sad look Steven's way.

"Sorry I had to dump this all on you, Mini-Me." Steven chuckled apologetically to his plant.

"Eeee!" Cactus Steven squeaked in comfort.

"Okay, let's go home." Steven obliged in understanding, and the pair began making their way back to the temple.

--

Another day passed, and Steven was once again tending to his plants in the conservatory. "Good morning Ronaldo, good morning Nanafua!" he said to his flowers as he watered them. "And a very special good morning-" Steven suddenly tripped over in alarm as he discovered something about Cactus Steven has changed. "-to you. Wow, you really grew overnight!"

"Good morning to you!" croaked Cactus Steven, who now began taking the shape of Steven's head.

"Whoa, did you just speak?!" Steven cried in amazement.

"Whoa, did you just speak?!" Cactus Steven replied.

"This is too much!" Steven shouted. "I've got to tell the Gems about this!"

--

Amethyst was looking at a tablet while Pearl was drawing in a notepad and Garnet reviewed her art downstairs on the couch. "Oh, hello Steven." Pearl greeted Steven as he came downstairs with Cactus Steven in his hand. "Hello Cactus Steven."

"Hey Pearl, you have to see this." Steven said while presenting his cactus counterpart to the Gems.

"Hey Pearl." Cactus Steven mimicked to their amazement.

"That's so freakin' cute!" Amethyst cried.

"He's growing to become quite the talker." Garnet added.

"And he said my name too!" Pearl stated. "You think he might be copying you?"

"I think so." Steven agreed with a shrug.

"Hi Pearl!" Cactus Steven continued. At first it seemed cute, but then the little guy kept talking. "But who am I to decide what's best for everyone anymore?" he began parroting Steven's pensive moment from yesterday. "Everybody's moving on with their lives, and I should be too."

"Uh, this isn't what it sounds like, I swear." Steven said defensively.

"Is it me, or is your cactus real good at self-deprecating?" Amethyst remarked.

"Sorry I had to dump this all o-" Cactus Steven tried to continue before the regular Steven tried to make it shut up by covering his mouth, but that only resulted in more cactus spines on his hand. "Come on Steven, what's wrong with you?!"

"Is something the matter Steven?" Pearl inquired, tilting her head with concern.

Steven refused to answer and instead raced back upstairs while the cactus continued talking. "Why do I need to be needed?! Why do I need to be needed?!"

"See what I told you the other day?" Amethyst said to Garnet and Pearl. "Something's definitely up!"

"Seems like Steven's got some problems he doesn't want our help with." Garnet adjusted her glasses in contemplation. "I suggest we find a way to help him without getting him too wound up."

"Still, it seems like Steven's letting a lot of issues just bottle up inside him." Pearl began worrying. "This is definitely not healthy. I think George Ikari might've said that in one of his books."

--

Back at the conservatory, Steven sat Cactus Steven on the table to give him a firm talking-to. "What was all that for?!" he yelled angrily. "I wanted that stuff to be private, but here you go just spouting out words that'll make everyone freak out about me!"

"What was all that for?!" Cactus Steven copied his master.

"Because I thought you'd be nice to talk to!" Steven complained as he began pacing around the conservatory. "I can't tell Pearl how I feel, cause then she'd get super depressed and start blaming herself like she always does! Meanwhile, Garnet would probably give me advice while sounding all high and mighty, Amethyst would try to look mature, and no one else would understand me!"

"No one else would understand me!" Cactus Steven aped Steven's words.

"I know, right? I mean, get over yourself already." Steven scoffed. "Please don't tell anyone I said that."

"I thought you'd be nice to talk to!" Cactus Steven continued impersonating his fleshy counterpart before Steven covered him up with a box. "What was all that for?!"

"Oh you know what." Steven coldly declared as he exited the conservatory. "I can't let anyone find out about this." He sighed heavily just as he found Amethyst standing nearby.

"Find out about what?" Amethyst asked Steven.

"Oh oh oh, it's nothing Amethyst, honest!" Steven began fibbing while his pupils began shifting around. "I mean, why do you ask?"

"Just wanted to check up on you, brah." Amethyst replied with a comforting hand on Steven's arm. "Look, if you need help, just say the word, and we'll be there."

"Okay then." Steven moaned. "That reminds me, is Peridot doing anything at the moment?"

--

"So, you are saying this cactus has begun to imitate everything you say?" Peridot asked Steven as she examined Cactus Steven under a magnifying glass at her greenhouse.

"Yeah, and it's starting to freak me out a little too." Steven answered.

"Get over yourself already!" Cactus Steven yelled, his voice beginning to sound a little clearer to their pair's alarm.

"Is there anything you can do to stop this?" Steven asked Peridot hopefully.

"I must apologize, Steven, but I don't think I can be of any assistance." Peridot replied morosely.

"No one else would understand me!" Cactus Steven continued imitating, seemingly agreeing with Peridot.

"See what I mean?" the little green Gem remarked with a thumb to Cactus Steven. The Steven she knew just buried his face in his hands and tried his hardest not to yell in frustration.

Outside the greenhouse, a small, black spy camera watched the greenhouse as Steven left with Cactus Steven in hand. But the moment Peridot turned around, it suddenly activated a camouflage feature.

--

That night, Steven had decided to close the conservatory to watch Cactus Steven, posting a sign on the door saying that the little cactus needed rest.

"Now all the Gems are worried about me, and Peridot wasn't any help either." Steven moaned in defeat while sitting near Cactus Steven. Just then, he heard some muffled yelling coming from the box he hid the living succulent in. "Hm?"

Walking over to the box, Steven picked it up to discover that Cactus Steven had grown some more, and had even sprouted an arm from the soil.

"Oh my gosh! Cactus Steven, what's wrong with you?!" Steven began panicking.

"What's wrong with you?" Cactus Steven repeated, earning his bigger self's ire.

"What's wrong is that you keep making me look stupid and helpless in front of everyone!" Steven cried furiously as he picked up the pot.

"Stupid!" Cactus Steven mocked Steven and pointed his newly grown arm at him. "Helpless!"

"I wish you wouldn't talk!" Steven argued before he began to glow pink.

"I wish YOU wouldn't talk!" Cactus Steven replied just as angrily.

"STOP IT!" Steven fully glowed pink, but then abruptly stopped when he heard Pearl's voice.

"Steven, time for dinner!" Pearl called for him from downstairs.

"Coming Pearl, just give me a second!" Steven replied to Pearl, and then turned back to Cactus Steven with an angry glare. "Not. Another. Word."

As Steven left the conservatory, Cactus Steven once again began to grow. "Not. Another. Word."

--

Early the next morning, Steven was asleep in his bed when suddenly, he was awakened by the sound of breaking glass. He raced up to the conservatory, where it was in total disarray, and a large hole was made in the glass wall.

"Uh, Cactus Steven?" Steven called for the living cactus while following a trail of needles leading back to his room. "If you're mad about yesterday, I get it, but I'm just going through some things right now."

Steven looked around with nervousness and curiosity, while a massive lump revealed itself on his bed. Cactus Steven slowly rose from under the blanket, revealing that he was now around Steven's height with a foot still stuck in his pot. "STEEEEVEEEEEN!"

"Whoa!" Steven yelled in terror, causing him to fall down the stairs and onto the table. Cactus Steven tumbled after the boy and was prepared to crush him before Steven rolled out of the way. "Cactus Steven, you need to go back to your home!"

"Go back to your home!" Cactus Steven croaked in reply.

"This is my home!" Steven shrieked while trying to push the cactus beast away from him, only to be covered in cactus needles. "AGH!" he yelled in agony while trying to shake some of the needles off. Cactus Steven did the same, which made more needles fly around the room.

"Just cut it out!" Steven yelled.

"Just get out!" Cactus Steven yelled back, charging at his doppelganger like an angry predator.

"Don't come any closer!" Steven summoned his shield to protect himself from any more needles.

"STEEEEEVEEEEEN!" Cactus Steven roared, just as Steven thrust his shield into his succulent counterpart's torso.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Steven frantically apologized.

Cactus Steven, however, didn't feel any pain, except for a large gash created by the shield thrown into his shoulder. After dislodging the shield, Cactus Steven threw the weapon back at Steven. "This is my home!"

"He's gone berserk!" Steven yelled fearfully before he found three figures approaching the front door. "The Gems!"

"The Gems don't need me anymore!" Cactus Steven said.

"Those are my private thoughts, and you should know it!" Steven scolded the cactus. "I can't let them hear about this!"

"What an all-nighter, am I right?!" Amethyst quipped as she, Garnet and Pearl returned to the beach house.

"Those Gems did need to get some extra studying in." Garnet replied.

"Plus, there was that strange camera thing that kept following us around." Pearl added. "I could've sworn it's leading up to something bigger, but it shut down before I could question it."

Before Pearl could say anymore, Steven came barging out the front door. "Oh, hey guys!" he laughed nervously. "Uhh, everything's fine and totally normal, nothing to see here! Hey, you think maybe you could wait a couple of hours? I've got things to do, okay, BYE!"

The Gems turned to the window as Steven fought against Cactus Steven with his shield, cluing them in on what was going on.

"Man, someone's been hittin' the photosynthesis!" Amethyst quipped before the Crystal Gems summoned their weapons and headed inside.

"We're here to help Steven!" Pearl declared protectively.

"I can't tell Pearl how I feel, cause then she'd get super depressed and start blaming herself like she always does!" Cactus Steven said in response to Pearl, making her drop her guard.

"What?" Pearl muttered in shock.

"I have no idea what he's talking about!" Steven continued to fib.

"But it's not inaccurate!" Amethyst snarked.

"JUST, GET, OUT!" Cactus Steven bellowed as he charged at the Gems, but Garnet punched his arm off, and it was sent flying at the fridge. However, it soon quickly got back up and grew tendrils from its stump to stand on.

"Whoa, that's kicka-" Amethyst began before she was kicked in the face by Cactus Steven's foot, breaking the pot and making shards fly everywhere. As Cactus Steven started to get up, Garnet punched the rest of him towards the sink, breaking it and dousing him in water.

Meanwhile, the arm launched itself at Pearl and was impaled on her spear, but then it exploded in her face and covered her in needles. "Eugh-ga-hahahaha!" Pearl groaned from the needles covering her.

As for Cactus Steven, he began to absorb the water from the sink and grow even larger, sprouting more limbs along with more Steven faces all over his body, all of them repeating Steven's venting just like the main head.

"The Gems don't need me!" Cactus Steven's heads yelled in unison while causing the house to fall apart by stomping around. "I thought you'd be nice to talk to!"

"Okay, Pinoke, that's even being a puppet!" Amethyst declared while wrapping her whip around the cactus monster's leg. Cactus Steven grabbed onto a rafter to keep himself from falling, but it was no help, and the rafter was split in two.

"Cut it out!" the cactus creature yelled while wrapping Amethyst in his roots and slamming her into the ceiling before Garnet and Pearl tried to rescue her. Unfortunately, Pearl found her spear getting stuck in the monster's thick & fleshy skin.

"Why is this thing so durable?!" Pearl complained while Cactus Steven tried to get her off.

"The cactus is Earth's most durable plant!" Garnet declared before she gave the cactus's leg a strong punch, making more spines fly everywhere and once again pricking Pearl.

"Garnet!" Pearl stuttered for her de-facto leader before her spear was freed from the cactus's body, and she fell down.

"Give up; you can't win this fight, you giant succulent!" Garnet declared.

"Garnet would probably give me advice while sounding all high and mighty!" Cactus Steven complained, catching the fusion by surprise.

"I'm sorry, what?" Garnet asked as she was punched away. Amethyst scaled the ceiling with her whip in her mouth, and she dropped down onto Cactus Steven's back to attack.

"Sneak attack!" Amethyst cried.

"Amethyst would try to look mature!" Cactus Steven babbled, much to the defective Quartz's confusion.

"Why's he so oddly specific in complaining about us?" Amethyst asked before both halves of Cactus Steven clamped shut on her. She was dumped on the ground while covered in cactus spines, followed by all three Crystal Gems being pinned against the temple entrance wall.

"I think I got it!" Steven realized while the Gems screamed in terror. "He's repeating me, he's repeating all my private thoughts!" Then, he got an idea. "Wait, he can copy me! Girls, I got a plan!" Steven bravely marched up to his cactus with shield in hand, ready to put his plan into action. "Hey Cactus Steven, have some of this!"

But instead of attacking, Steven de-summoned his shield. "I'm sorry I mistreated you." Steven apologized to Cactus Steven. "I know you didn't want to hurt anyone, because you're copying the only role model you got: me."

While Steven apologized, Cactus Steven stopped attacking while the Crystal Gems popped out of the wall at last. "I should've given you the love and kindness you deserved." Steven declared, and then spread out his arms. "Now, you want a hug?"

"Huh?" Cactus Steven muttered quizzically as the real Steven began to hug his massive leg. In response to this act of kindness, one more change began to occur.

"Dudes, look!" Amethyst pointed out that pink flowers were now blooming all over Cactus Steven's body as he returned Steven's hug.

"I'm sorry." Cactus Steven apologized back.

"Okay, come on, big guy." Steven broke the hug, now covered in spikes himself. "Let's get you back to the dome."

"No!" Cactus Steven yelled before he began to walk away from the four he had been fighting moments ago.

"Wait, where are you going?!" Steven exclaimed as he raced after Cactus Steven. "I'll fix up the dome real nice, all for you!"

Cactus Steven gave no words. Instead, he plucked one of the flowers off his body and gave it to Steven before he broke through the front wall and began walking away.

"Uh, Steven?" Pearl called while picking spikes off her body.

"Anything you'd like to say to us?" Garnet asked the boy, who just stared down at the flower in his hands, and let out a heavy sigh.

"I think I've said enough." Steven said wearily.

--

Later that day, Cactus Steven continued its sojourn away from the Crystal Temple and eventually Beach City, now making his way into the woods nearby. And he kept mimicking Steven all the way.

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone, so I copied the only role model I got." Cactus Steven muttered to himself. "But Steven still gave me the love and kindness I deser-"

Before Cactus Steven could finish, he felt something stabbing him straight through the torso. "WHAAAT?!" he yelled before he was cut to pieces by a sword with a black grip & guard bearing a white diamond symbol.

Once she had finished reducing Cactus Steven to chunks of cactus, Black Rutile gazed down at one of the flowers that once adorned her victim's body and heartlessly crushed it beneath her foot without a second thought. She then changed her tune into something more relaxed and less sadistic as she began to round up whatever pieces of Cactus Steven remained and collect them all in a bubble.

One of the Cactus Steven remains turned into a little Steven head that let out a tiny roar, prompting Black Rutile to smile and stroke her chin in deep contemplation.

--

Aw jeepers, it's Black Rutile again! What has she got planned for Cactus Steven? Just another question that'll be answered when this part is reaching it's end. But next time, we get to see Peridot take the stage again as we look into Steven's dreams! Keep an eye out folks.

[kisskissbanggang]

Surreptitious

[15min. Read/3.7k words -- Mystery Member👀xFemale Reader -- Idol!AU, NSFW/Smut -- Spoilers in Tags, Dubcon, Ethical Grey Areas, Paranoia, Dirty Secrets, Stuck/Trapped]

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You don’t really think I’d be like that, do you?

The cryptic message echoed in your mind as you worked. Someone in this very home knew what you didn’t even think you’d have to hide, and you couldn’t begin to figure out who. The anonymous message had shown up a couple nights ago – long after you’d stopped posting on your blog. Nearly half a year ago, you came on your student visa and packed up your blog, taking a small hiatus from this hobby that took up so much of your time. You loved learning everything you could about Korea, especially after already spending years learning the language. However, it wasn’t long before spending money was tight, and it looked like it may be time for a part-time job. Housekeeping wasn’t your first, or second, or even tenth choice, but here you were.

A couple months into your new job, and you were handed a new assignment: a few days a week at a high-profile home. What you weren’t prepared for, though, was whose home. The door opened and after you brought in some of your cleaning supplies, you finally caught glimpse of one of your clients… And nearly fell over. You were positive that out of the corner of your eye you just seen Jung Jaehyun. But that clearly couldn’t be the case, right?

Wrong. Sure enough, you met most of the members that day, doing a much better job than you’d hoped you would in containing how ridiculous this all was. Being a housekeeper for NCT was, quite honestly, something that sounded like the worst fan-fiction on the planet, which is what ultimately led to you revisiting your blog.

You had started writing fanfiction a couple years ago, just something fun to take your mind off the stress of school that would keep you mentally stimulated. The emergence of smut, however, was unexpected. You had gone through a rut of stress, anxiety over school and work, and too much inconvenient arousal, that it all culminated in a particularly surprising way during the process of a fic you had been stuck in. The reception to it was equally surprising, your followers both new and old voicing their approval of this direction. That development made it even harder to put the blog down, so you decided not to delete it. You never regretted it… Until now.

Admittedly, it was your new assignment that made you curious to visit your old blog. Would it feel eerie, actually knowing these boys in real life? Of course, you had also been excited to see what all your old friends had been up to, what everyone thought of any new developments since you’d been away, but now you were growing concerned that you would hate everything you’d done. You checked your notifications, the comments on your posts. The messages that had stacked up in your inbox were mostly sweet, though some were from antsy followers who were curious if and when you would return. Then, there was the message that was now currently bothering you.

You don’t really think I’d be like that, do you?

The wording perturbed you. It felt immediately unlikely that it was a typo. Was someone playing a joke on you? It was obviously referring to something you’d written, but what? The idea that it was one of the members certainly came to mind, but it seemed to be too ludicrous to be true. However, now that the thought was planted, it grew weeds quickly. You took solace in the fact that even if it were one of the members, they would have no way of knowing it was you… Right?

You had been scrubbing the hardwood in the living room when your worry really began taking shape. You were so engrossed in your work, frustrated in a particularly stubborn stain in the wood grain that you hadn’t noticed Yuta walk in, apparently amused at your focus. Only when he sat on the couch did you notice, startled into yelping and falling back on your ass.

“Jumpy, noona?” Yuta laughed, his warm smile offering more sympathy than his joke implied. You smiled back until you noticed he was holding up his phone.

“You didn’t catch that on camera, did you?” You nervously joked as you turned back to your work.

Yuta shook his head. “Oh! No, I’m just reading. Have you ever seen some of the stuff our fans write about us?”

You almost fell over again. “No,” you vaguely chuckled, “like what? Fan-fiction?”

“No,” Yuta replied, “I found this message board where this fan is picking apart all the outfits we wear to the airport. It’s interesting, but I really just threw on something from the rack.”

“Oh!” You quickly recovered, “But that begs the question: do you ever read fan-fiction?”

You turned back to see Yuta shrug from over your shoulder. “Not all of it. Just what’s written in Japanese or Korean. If it’s not translated well, a lot of it gets lost. And I never get paired up with Jaehyun for some reason. I’d read that no matter what language it’s in.”

The two of you had shared a laugh over his observation, but you felt a little sick until you got home that night. All your fics were written in English, but now you were absolutely never translating them. If you even kept your blog, that is. It felt oddly needling to have confirmation that any of the members really did read fan-fiction. You pulled open the blog again that night to see if, in fact, Yuta’s suggested pairing really didn’t exist, when you saw a new message.

So do you think of me when you write about me?

This was clearly a joke by some fan and you were insane to think otherwise. And, again, even if a member had found your blog, which was still so unlikely, they had no way of knowing it was you running it. Anyhow, what a silly question to propose. Of course you thought about each member you wrote about, but now those almost affectionate thoughts were laced with guilt.

The next day you were at the dorm, you had taken a few minutes before catching your bus home to relax, to collect your thoughts and breathe. You were enjoying a quick glass of wine in the kitchen, something the boys had regularly offered at the end of your day since you’d started here, and you hadn’t even noticed Johnny enter the room until you turned away from the counter. You yelped and nearly dropped your glass, much to Johnny’s chagrin.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, sweet as ever. “You seem tense.”

“Oh! No, no, just a lot on my mind.”

Johnny walked over and opened the fridge. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“No, it’s okay,” you reassured. Johnny smiled warmly as he retrieved a soda from the fridge, popping it open and taking a sip as he turned to leave. “Well…” You bit at your lip as he paused, expectantly waiting. “This is such a dumb question, but your fans seem so… Passionate. Do you ever read what they write about you?”

Johnny thought about it and shrugged. “I try not to, to tell you the truth. It goes to my head or weirds me out, and no in between. But I’m glad they think I’d be a good dad. I want to be when I’m ready.” Johnny turned and left, leaving you to finish off your wine in silence as you thought.

The bus ride had been annoying, your mind clogged with what Johnny had said and feeling even dirtier and guiltier. Which response would your own writing stir in him? He’d said there’s no in between. If he’d ever found your work, would he be cocky or disgusted? And, above all that, now you were haunted by Johnny’s only real takeaway had been that the fans appreciated how much he wanted to have a family. What a good guy. And you had written filthy scenarios about him. You felt queasy for the rest of the trip home.

Another message had been waiting for you when you got home and opened your blog, your curiosity begging you to find something wholesome about Johnny starting a family.

You do know that you posted a picture with that bag you wear to the dorm, right?

You knew exactly what picture the message was referring to and went to go find it. The last thing you’d posted before putting the blog down was a photo of this very room, the caption simply “My new home for the next year.” Sure enough, there was your stupid bag sitting by the door. You felt so dumb. You felt so disgusting. You felt so exposed. Someone in the dorm really did know. Did you rather it be one of the members, or one of the staff, a possibility you’d barely dared consider? Your blog stared back at you, imploring you to put it out of its misery and delete it. No, you decided. No more childish paranoia. You would go to the dorm and figure out who was sending the messages, and then have a good conversation about what they would like you to do.

Then again, in all honesty, you should’ve expected this to be much harder than it sounded. The next time you were at the dorm, you inspected everyone’s faces for a knowing look of some kind and came up short. You had even changed out the bag you brought to the dorm, hoping to catch the attention of your mysterious messenger, but to no avail. It would’ve helped to feel bold enough to actually talk and figure it out, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. What would you even say? I’ve written graphic porn about the group but please let me keep my job didn’t exactly have a nice ring to it.

You helped yourself to a glass of wine once the house appeared empty in the afternoon. Everyone was out, running errands or busy with schedules, leaving you time and room to take down the curtains and wash them. You had just piled one set of curtains into the dryer in the small laundry room when you were finally relaxing and taking your break. Maybe you even had an opportunity to lightly snoop, to observe the living spaces and rooms and see if you could suss out who your anonymous friend was. Your planning was cut short, however.

“Did you come today since I was staying home?” Someone chuckled behind you, cut short as you whipped around in surprise, sending your wine glass all over Jaehyun’s chest and then clanging onto the floor. You sighed exasperatedly, immediately grabbing a roll of paper towels and blotting up the wine. “Oh, noona, I’m so sorry,” Jaehyun apologized, stooping down and helping you clean. You shook your head, not thinking as you hurried before the stain set in. You quickly diluted the remnants before wiping it up.

“Just because you were my bias, Jaehyun, doesn’t mean I’m trying to get you alone,” you laughed. Both yours and his ears turned red as you realized what a horribly inappropriate joke that was. “Oh, god, Jaehyun,” you winced, “I’m sorry. That was gross and uncalled for. Here,” you gestured down the hall to the laundry room, “I’m doing some laundry. You can bring me your shirt and I’ll clean it for you.”

“Really? Thank you.” Jaehyun smiled slyly before pulling the soaked shirt over his head and handing it to you. “I’m always surprised by how gracious our fans are,” he smirked, with a wink to top it off.

“What were you doing in here anyway?” You asked quietly to mask the waver in your voice. Jaehyun took another step closer, the subtle heat coming off his bare chest making you back up into the counter. He reached up and opened a cupboard before pulling down a box.

“Nothing,” he nonchalantly shrugged as he opened the box, “just grabbing a snack. Want some?” You could hear Jaehyun laugh quietly to himself behind you as you hurried down the hall, still blushing crimson as you rushed to the laundry room.

What the good hell was that about? Your thoughts ran wild as you yanked the dry curtains from the dryer and put the next set in before vigorously cleaning Jaehyun’s shirt for him. You were just getting the washing together when you realized the dryer wouldn’t start. Frantic, you checked to make sure the damn thing was plugged in and on in the first place, and then that the lint trap was clear. You opened the dryer, kneeling down to look inside. The curtain had snagged on the vent in the back of the dryer drum. Cursing to yourself, you elbowed your way into the dryer, trying to see in the dim light as you attempted to free the fabric without further damaging it.

Soon you were yanking at the dumb thing, trying to hold it together amidst all your frustration. Had Jaehyun really made you so flustered? Why did he suddenly ambush you today after having hardly interacted with you since you began here? All these questions swirled around your mind, distracting you more than enough until you were startled by something pushing you firmly further into the dryer. You cried out, muffled as you fell into the damp curtains, your exclamation continuing as you felt a pair of hands grip onto your waist.

Jaehyun exhaled a soft laugh behind you. “Why didn’t you tell me I was your bias, noona? We probably could’ve become fast friends if I’d known I’m your favorite.”

“Jaehyun,” you called back, “I’m sorry for what I said! It was horribly unprofessional. You can let me out now.”

“And,” Jaehyun continued, “I’m willing to bet that if I’m your bias, then you definitely do think about me when you write your little stories about me.”

“You!” You shrieked, surprised at your own fortitude as you struggled in Jaehyun’s grip. He still held fast, chuckling to himself in satisfaction. “You’re the one that’s been messing with me!”

“And you’re the one who’s been a bit naughty, haven’t you?” Jaehyun laughed behind you.

“Now who’s being inappropriate?” You asked accusingly. Jaehyun ignored you. His hips pressed into you, sending shivers straight through to your fingertips.

“I wonder if you get off on it,” he mused quietly, his thumbs massaging under the waistband of your jeans. “I wonder if you get excited, writing your fantasies.”

“What are you doing?” You asked nervously as Jaehyun teased the waist of your jeans lower onto your hips.

“I’m just acting the way you write me in your stories,” he said matter-of-factly, “you’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”

“I mean, of course I have,” you stammered, eyes widening as you felt Jaehyun stiffen behind you, “but that’s different, that’s just–”

“Online?” He countered. “In your stories? Sure. But this is real life. Wouldn’t you be crazy to pass this up? What, do you not want to?”

“I…” You trailed off as you thought, “No, it’s not that I don’t want to, I just–”

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I can just tell the staff that they hired a pervert,” Jaehyun laughed heartily as he easily stilled your sudden thrashing. “Calm down,” he admonished, “I’m just joking.”

“It’s not funny when it’s my job you’re talking about,” you bit back.

“But it is funny that it was me who found out. The guys wouldn’t be as into it. So feel relieved, because I would,” Jaehyun prodded you along, making you jump as his hands circled your waist to unbutton your jeans. His fingers were surprisingly gentle as he slid them down to your knees, traveling back up to softly touch the growing damp spot on your panties. “Do you know how much I’ve been thinking of this?” He asked quietly, almost a whisper.

“You have?” You shivered as he took his time pushing your panties down to your knees as well.

“Of course I have,” he replied, keeping a hand pressed down on the small of your back as he pushed his sweats down enough to let his cock spring free, “don’t you realize how excited I was when I realized you were who I was certain you are?”

You bit into your lip as Jaehyun firmly rubbed his length against your ass. “But I stopped writing,” you meekly offered.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked, groaning quietly as he teased the head of his cock against your dripping entrance. “Isn’t this the sort of thing your followers would go crazy over?”

You gasped sharply, reactively pushing your back hand against Jaehyun’s thigh as he worked his length into you. He waited a moment to see if you were adjusted before grabbing your hand and pulling it up behind your back. You both shared a moan as he nestled deep inside you. The whole scene must’ve looked surreal, your ass hanging out of the clothes dryer and Jaehyun holding you down to fuck you. He was right. Your followers would kill for this opportunity, or at least experience it the way you’d write it.

“Why am I always so rough in your writing?” Jaehyun asked, almost casually as he fucked you. “Do you really think I’m like that?”

You groaned as Jaehyun rocked you firm against the dryer walls. “No, it’s not that,” you struggled, “it’s that you have this confidence that suggests it,” you managed to get out between moans, “they’re really drawn to it… I’m really drawn to it.”

Jaehyun groaned deep at your words, his grip on the arm behind your back tightening as he thrust harder. You found yourself spreading your legs further. His length really filled you out, gave you just enough stretch in a way you’d only wondered about.

“Why were you so excited for this?” You asked. You’d already crossed so many lines, you may as well get answers.

“Wouldn’t you be? Someone who clearly likes you and thinks of you like that, it just makes sense to want to make it happen.”

“Sounds about right,” you mused to yourself, masked through moans as Jaehyun’s hips snapped against you. His other hand ran up your back to your hair, gripping tight at the root and tugging in time with his thrusts. He finally dropped your arm from his grasp, instead reaching down to rub your clit. You responded eagerly, angling your hips to get a better angle from both sensations and quickly contributing to your building orgasm.

“You sound so cute when you moan, baby,” Jaehyun said, “I never expected you to sound so dirty and adorable.”

You blushed deep again, yelping as Jaehyun let go of your hair to smack and grab onto your ass. His fingers smoothly circled your clit, slick with how aroused he made you. Even though you were more aware of it now, you couldn’t stop from moaning louder, your peak steadily building whether you wanted it or not. He gently pinched and rolled your clit between his fingers, surprising you into hitting your climax. Your dripping pussy clamped onto his cock, pulsing and milking him as you whimpered and moaned through your orgasm.

“Is that how you wanted me to fuck you, baby?” Jaehyun asked, voice saccharine behind you. You breathed hard, letting yourself come down before pushing him back an inch.

“I want you to fuck me like you would fuck me.”

Jaehyun actually stilled behind you, as if he had to think about that and consider it. He gently pulled you out of the dryer, helping you to stand on your shaky legs before picking you up and setting you on the edge of the machine. He pushed your jeans and panties down to your ankles to more easily spread your legs and step between them. His cock prodded back up against your opening. Jaehyun tentatively lifted your shirt and bra over your breasts, pausing a moment to look before he leaned down and kissed each. He stood back upright, taking a second to look into your eyes before he pressed a single kiss to the crook of your neck. You watched, curious and pleased as he took your face in his hands. Jaehyun kissed you, simply and affectionately as he sank his cock back into your heat. His arms wrapped around you, and you took in his scent as he held you close. His pace was gentler now, but not without the same he’d been maintaining. His surprisingly cute moans were muffled into your shoulder, earnestly growing quicker, more desperate with each thrust. It was easy to feel sweet towards this side of Jaehyun, much more easily approachable than how evilly playful he was just a minute ago.

“Baby, do you want to cum?” You asked nicely in his ear, clutching your knees around his hips as he methodically slid in and out of you.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jaehyun panted, “I’m getting there… But there’s one more thing.”

“What’s that, baby?” You asked.

“I know I always finish inside in your writing, but I hope you understand if I don’t this time.”

You both shared a breathless laugh before his moans hit a fever pitch. Jaehyun’s eyes scrunched shut in his intense pleasure, even as he pulled out. He firmly pumped his cock in his hands, groaning languidly as his cum shot onto the lips of your exhausted pussy. You both rested for a second, your fingers caressing the back of his neck as he caught his breath. He aimed the remnants towards your panties as he pulled them back up to your knees for you.

The air had shifted between the two of you. You knew what had changed, but it was hard to place Jaehyun’s feelings. His expression was a mystery as he adjusted himself back into his sweatpants.

“So…” You prodded, “what now?”

You were both startled as the front door opened, someone outside announcing their return home. You hopped off the dryer and scrambled to make yourself presentable again. The cum in your panties was cold and damp up against you. Jaehyun simply grinned that same playful grin at you.

“I don’t know. How good are you at keeping secrets?”

“Pretty good,” you replied, suddenly wary, “but what about you?”

Jaehyun shook his head as he kissed the top of your head before heading towards the laundry room door. “I’m perfectly fine at it, but what you should really be asking is… why should I?”

You watched, unsure and still painfully excited as he winked and walked out into the hall.

[dontcare77ghj]

Couch

Steve x reader x Thor

Sorry about the short hiatus. Comment or inbox me if you like this pairing so I can continue making them.

Sleep Series

The three of you had been together for years. You knew exactly who they were, and they knew who you were. The three of you had been very honest with each other about who you were and everything that made you who you were.

Steve and Thor had introduced you to their team very early into the relationship and they loved you. The team had told you multiple times you were perfect for the God and the super solider. You made them feel normal, you made them feel happy, it made the team happy to see them happy.

You were fine with them being Avengers. It was something they enjoyed, something they wanted to do. There was only one reason you weren’t okay with their jobs was the missions that went on for weeks to months at a time.

They made you worry, made you panic about their safety and if they would be coming home. When they were able to send word about when they would be coming home, you finally felt like you could breath again.

You would begin to do anything to distract yourself. By the time the boys would return home, the apartment would be sparkling, plates and trays of baked goods would be littered around the kitchen and you would be asleep on the couch.

The first time the two were away for weeks was about five months into your relationship. They were doing a recon mission in Australia and hadn’t been home in five weeks. They’d told you the day before they left it was very likely they wouldn’t be allowed to contact you at all.

“I don’t care if I don’t hear from you at all, just come back alive. Okay?” You’d asked the night before they’d left as you all cuddled together in bed.

“My love, do not doubt us.” Thor said loudly, pulling you closer into his chest. ”We are the earth’s mightiest heroes.” He proclaimed, grabbing Steve’s hand on your other side.

“It’s a simple mission, doll.” Steve added, curling into your back. “We’ll be in no danger.”

You woke up alone the next day and knew it was going to be a long time until the came back.

For the next five weeks you had to try to continue as if everything was normal. You had to go to work and interact with people as if you weren’t in a constant state of panic or worry over your two men. It was Thursday of their fifth week away when you got the call.

“Hello?” You asked, picking up the phone without looking at the caller id. You were busy working on a new cake recipe for the café you owned, so you weren’t exactly paying attention to the phone.

“Hi there, doll.” Steve greeted. At the sound of one of your lover’s voices, you almost dropped the phone in shock.

“Steve. Holy shit. How are you? How’s Thor?” You questioned, turning the stove off so you could focus on the call. “Are you two okay? Are you injured?”

“Doll, calm down.” Steve chuckled. “Everything’s okay. Both Thor and I are safe, alive and well. I just called to say we’ll be home tomorrow.”

“Is that our love?” Thor’s booming voice came through the phone. “I wish to speak to her.”

“Of course, Thor.” Steve said before Thor’s loud voice came through the line.

“My love!” He exclaimed. “Did you hear the news? We shall return by nightfall tomorrow!”

“I did hear. It’s wonderful news, honey.” You said with a large grin. “I can’t wait to see the two of you. I’ve missed my boys.”

“We’ve missed you too, my love.” Thor told you. “I must go, Steven says we cannot talk any longer.” He added, sounding dismayed.

“Alright, I’ll see you two tomorrow. I love you two.” You told him.

“We love you too, Y/N.” Thor said, before he hung up you could hear him asking Steve how to end the call causing you to smile.

They were safe. Your boys were alive and safe. You quickly finished off what you were doing before and made your way to bed. You had things to do tomorrow.

The next day you made a call to one of your employees. Telling them you felt unwell today and wouldn’t be able to come in today, she readily agreed to watch the store for you.

Hanging up, you began to start on your plan. Your men would need, you’d decided. A proper meal and comfort food. It took majority of the day to finish, but it was worth it, it calmed you and it would be good for your boys to get something proper to eat.

By the end of your endeavour, it was nearing seven and your boys still weren’t home, but you were tired. Placing a note on the table, you curled up on the couch intent on waiting up for the two when you started to drift. It wasn’t long until you were asleep.

Non-reader POV

It was nine by the time Thor and Steve arrived at the apartment. The two shared a smile at the sight of their girl curled up asleep on the couch. Steve shut the door and the door shed their gear before Thor, quietly, made his way over to Y/N and picked her up.

He walked her into the shared bedroom while Steve walked into the kitchen. He smiled at the note Y/N left and piled an assortment of foods onto a plate for himself and his boyfriend.

“Welcome home gift.” He explained, sitting on the bed with his partners. Thor smiled and kissed Y/N on the forehead before taking a crepe off the plate.

The two had finished the plateful of food when the woman in between them began to wake up.

“You’re home.” Y/N stated, looking at the two with bleary eyes. “You should’ve woken me.”

“Didn’t want to disturb you.” Steve said, leaning down to kiss the woman. “Thank you for the food.”

“It was delicious, my love.” Thor said, repeating Steve’s actions.

“It’s what I do.” Y/N murmured, curling into their arms. “I’m glad you’re back. I love you two.” She added, beginning to doze again.

“We love you too, doll.” Steve said as Thor had already drifted off. The three of you laid curled together, bellies full and enjoying the safety you all felt in that moment. From then on when the boys went on long missions, they would be welcomed home with a large meal and the sight of Y/N asleep on the couch.

Reader POV

“Doll, please just sit down. You’ve been cooking all day and you’re going to wear a hole in the carpet.” Steve begged, grabbing you by the arms and attempting to get you to sit.

“Sorry Stevie. Thor said he would be home today.” You said, yawning as you curled into Steve. “You know how panicky I get.”

“I know, that’s why you’ve been up since five.” He said, shaking his head. “Go to sleep, doll.” He added, pulling you closer into his chest. He hadn’t even finished his sentence when you’d drifted off.

Thor arrived home an hour later to the sight of both his partners asleep on the couch, plates of still warm food on the table in front of them. He sat next to you both, ate a plateful of food before falling asleep next to you both.

Non-reader POV

“How long has she been asleep?” Steve whispered as he opened the apartment door. Y/N was sleeping against Thor’s chest, fast asleep, and Thor had a plate of food next to him.

“An hour.” Thor supplied. Steve leaned down and kissed the God and then his girl. “She was awake cooking most of the night.” He added as Steve sat beside him.

“She goes to too much trouble.” He sighed, taking a plate from the coffee table. “But the result is delicious.”

Reader POV

The two had been gone for two months. They’d gone over to Australia to deal with a new HYDRA base. They weren’t sure when they were going to be home because they needed to scout the area, find routines, changes in the regime, anything to help them get into the base.

You’d been stuck on the couch for a week. A co-worker had given you the flu and though you were mostly over it, you still felt incredibly tired. It was about three in the afternoon when you were awoken by a loud bang. You were in such a daze you didn’t register what was happening, and that was all they needed.

Three, rough, sets of hands hauled you off the couch. You attempted to struggle but you were still out of it and your attackers used that to their advantage. They stabbed a sedative in your neck and that was it for you.

Non-reader POV

“Capsicle, Point Break, you two might want to see this.” Tony’s voice came over the coms. Thor and Steve shared a look across the field before running into the building.

It had been five months. Five long months without being able to contact their Y/N. Five months of shitty food, and even shitter motel rooms, and five long months of camping out in the Australian heat getting info on this place. But, finally, the day had come.

Today was the perfect day to attack, and they had. Bruce and Tony had gone inside to check the computers and any files they could find while the rest of the team fought off HYDRA agents.

“I’d hurry up you two.” Bruce stressed causing the two men to pick up speed. The two skidded into the room, where Bruce was sitting, a large file in front of him.

“What’s going on, Bruce? Where’s Tony?” Steve questioned, staring at the doctor intently.

“Tony found something and ran off. But this is what you need to see.” Bruce said, handing the super soldier the thick file.

With Thor looking over his shoulder, Steve opened the file and he began to fill with dread.

It was on Y/N. It was everything. Where she was born, where her store was, every cheque she sent off to an employee and her current address. Halfway through the file was a post stick note, “Extract her.” With a date from three months ago.

“Where is she?” Thor snarled, glaring at the file.

“Read the rest.” Bruce sighed, gesturing at the paperwork. Swallowing harshly, Steve turned to the next page.

These pages detailed mental and physical health, attempts at running away, punishments and her responses.

“They took her.” Steve growled, throwing the file on the desk. “Where is she, Bruce?”

“Relax, Capsicle.” Tony’s voice came in. “I found her.” He told them.

“Where?” Steve demanded. Bruce watched the two in concern. Both stood rigid, ready to attack. Gods knew these two would move the stars for their girl. There would be no mercy for anyone found near their girl.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. will lead you.” Tony said before the Irish accented A.I. began to direct them. The two thundered through the building, any agent they came across was ended quickly by Mjolnir or Steve’s shield.

“It’s okay, Sweet Cheeks. You’re safe now.” They heard Tony’s voice. Turning a corner, they both let out a sigh of relief.

Tony was holding their girl close. Her clothes were tattered and dirty, her hair matted, and her form was frail, obviously malnourished, and weak. She was clinging onto Tony’s neck tightly.

“Y/N.” They both sighed in relief. Y/’N’s head snapped towards them and they were running again.

Reader POV

“Y/N.” You almost sobbed at the sound of their voices.

Time had escaped you in this windowless hell. You’d clung onto your memories of Steve and Thor; they were the only things that helped you through the endless pain you’d endured here.

You’d heard the shouts and gunshots before Tony burst into the room.at seeing the familiar man in red and gold, you’d almost burst into tears.

“Hey there, Sweet Cheeks.” Tony said, slowly moving into the room. He didn’t get very far before you’d rushed over, as fast as your frail form could, and threw your arms around his neck.

“It’s good to see you, Tin Man.” You whispered, hugging him tightly. Tony wrapped his arms around you and moved you both into the hallway.

“It’s okay, Sweet Cheeks. You’re safe now.” He assured.

“Y/N.” Snapping your head to the side you saw the two men you’d been praying to see again.

“Steve. Thor.” You breathed in relief. As quickly as you could, you limped over to the two men. They began running over and met you half-way.

Both boys pulled you into their arms and hugged you so tightly, you thought your ribs would break.

“We should have been there. We shouldn’t have let them take you. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” the two sounded like a pair of broken records. While one was smothering you, the other was murmuring sweet assurances into your ear.

“I’m okay.” You said, pulling back slightly. “I am. I’m okay.” You told them, attempting to assure them as well as yourself.

“We know, Sweetheart.” Steve said, holding your face in his hands as he kissed you soundly. “You’re so strong.”

“So very strong.” Thor agreed, kissing you with as much force as Steve. “And we love you so much.”

“So much.” Tony cleared his throat, disturbing the moment.

“I hate to disturb this, but we need to get out of here.” He said, looking around the hallway. “We need to get her back to the tower.” He added. Your men nodded before Steve lifted you into his arms.

“When we get back to the tower, you’re not leaving our sight.” Steve said as you all ran through the hall. “We’re going to set up in bed and order in whatever you want.” He promised.

“That sounds perfect.” You sighed, leaning into his chest. You fell asleep in his arms and when you woke up next, you were in the boys bed in the tower. The two were protectively curled around you, making you smile. You were safe.

“Doll wake up.” Steve whispered, shaking your shoulder. Smiling sleepily at the two you sat up on the couch. It had been three years since the incident with HYDRA and the three of you had come out stronger as a throuple. 

For your safety you’d had to move into the tower, but you didn’t mind. It made you feel safe, and made your boys feel comforted knowing you were safe.

“Hi boys.” You said, stretching out. “How was the mission?” You asked, looking at up at the two.

“Boring.” Thor sighed, sitting on the couch and pulling you into his lap. “There was no action.”

“That’s a good thing.” Steve said, grabbing a plate of cookies off the table. “We’re supposed to want no action.”

“But it was boring. No thrill of crushing our enemies and the like.” Thor said excitedly.

“Have a cookie, honey, and tell me all about your boring mission.” You told the man who grinned largely. Steve sat on your other side and the two of you listened in amusement as Thor recounted the dull mission.

The three of you stayed on that couch, until the baked goods were gone and long after you woke up the next morning.

Show your support. Like this pairing? Tell me! Leave a comment. Share with your friends and reblog. Message/Inbox me.

Coming soon;

Wanda x reader x Natasha

Bruce x reader x Tony

Sam x reader x Steve x Bucky

Steve x reader x Natasha

[rmnamjoons]

what do people think of all this? i very literally have the coronavirus right now and i’m really feeling all this cold medicine, but this situation here is quite something and i’d love to know people’s thoughts:

note: i’ve never posted anything like this before and don’t intend to ever again

i’m not saying any names or urls, and if you somehow know who this is about, please don’t do anything to them or send them any hate or anything. this isn’t an expose thread or a call to start drama - it’s like a diary entry and a way for me to talk out my feelings.

i have a friend on here who i used to talk to literally every single day, and i haven’t heard from her in a while. i went to message her to see if she was okay and found out she blocked me.

our last conversation was about how hurt my feelings were because of some things she did (described below) and she apologized a bunch and called herself an asshole, and i tried to comfort her and say no she’s not bad or anything like that. she stopped responding and then a week passed, and today i went to message her and saw that i was blocked.

so, i was upset because:

i’ve wrote her a 12k word fic in early january. i sent her the first half of it and asked if she would read it, not beta it, just tell me if she liked it. she was excited and said she was looking forward to reading it. she kept being like “i’ll read it tomorrow! i’ll read it this weekend!!! i’ll read it in a few days!!!” ........ for literally TWO (2) MONTHS. i know that she’s busy and i would’ve been fine if she told me she was too busy to read it. but she kept stringing me along and lying i guess? i didn’t say i thought she was lying, and i didn’t think she was lying, but last week i did say my feelings were hurt that it’s literally been this long and nothing’s happened. she could’ve said she didn’t want to read it or that she was too busy to read it, but she got my hopes up and then slowly let me down over and over

i made her some edits specific to her interests. she loves “elf namjoon” and so i made her edits of namjoon with elf ears. each one takes at least an hour to edit and get it just right. i posted a couple of them in one post and sent it to her. she didn’t like it or reblog it, just told me privately that she liked it and that’s it. she doesn’t have to do anything, but that hurt my feelings a lot, you know? if someone spent hours making something specifically for me, i personally would be very excited and appreciative, even if i hated it. i know it doesn’t actually matter and i feel stupid for caring about this, but idk

i was also going to write her an elf namjoon fanfiction. i wrote part of it as well as an outline, maybe 2k words at most. again, she didn’t read it even when she said she would and said she was excited to. i told her about all the things i tried to include, things specific to her interests and kinks and stuff, but again, nothing

i wasn’t angry or anything like that at all - i just wanted her to know how i felt because it had been building up for months at this point and i knew she didn’t mean anything bad or have any ill-intent. i was mostly just confused and hurt and wanted to talk it out. was she ignoring me because she was too nice to say she hates me? was something else going on? i just wanted her to be honest, and i wanted her to know my feelings were hurt.

this was her response when i said i was upset about all that:

and then i apologized and said i shouldn’t have said anything. my feelings were hurt, but she’s stressed and so busy, and i should’ve kept it to myself. it’s just fanfiction and some edits, it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

and then she blocked me. that apology was the last thing she said to me.

now, she’s on her blog making posts about how she needs to remember that tumblr has “more amazing people than bad” and that a couple people on here are causing her to be more anxious, and that she feels like she “can’t do right” by anyone. saying all of this *publicly* on her blog.

she’s been under a lot of stress lately with work and i’ve tried for months talking to her about things, listening to her when she was anxious, being as patient and understanding as possible, etc. we’ve talked about her new job a lot and how anxious it makes her. and my whole life, when people around me are upset, i try to make them things to cheer them up, in addition to talking to them. i think that’s what i was trying to do with the fics, and i know that was actively what i was trying to do with the edits. i wanted to cheer her up and make something she’d like, and she ignored it. we went from talking almost every day to only talking on the weekends to barely talking at all, and that was fine - i was okay with that, because i knew she was very busy, she was barely online. but i’m just so confused by everything she does and how she acts.

a few months ago, back around october, i was having panic attacks almost daily, and this was when she and i were talking almost every day, before her new job. she never put in even a quarter the effort i later attempted to - she wasn’t there for me, she didn’t attempt to help, she didn’t really try to talk to me or anything when i told her how upset i was. i wasn’t sharing all that much because i didn’t want to be a burden, but i was trying to send “cries for help” to a lot of people. she did talk to me some, but it was more like “lol same” than actual help or talking - but when it was the opposite and she told me how upset and anxious she was constantly, i tried to do everything i could to help her.

i didn’t expect her to help me then. nobody has to help anyone if they don’t want to, but now looking back, with all of this combined, i feel like she never even cared about me as a human being and that i don’t matter to her and never did. i’m subhuman and evil for having feelings, even when i wanted to help her feel better and talk to her, because her feelings are all that matter. if someone else has emotions, she cuts them out of her life because only she matters i guess.

i would’ve loved to talk this out with her, even after everything she’s done, but i have no way of contacting her. so i decided to write out everything here and get some other people’s unbiased perspectives.

so, what do people think of this situation?

edit:

a few people have pointed out that they think she was being sarcastic in her apology. does anyone else think that?

[honeypiehotchner]

Deception -- part three

Since y’all are some greedy little bitches, here’s another. (I’m teasing, I love y’all so much and I’m just as eager to get this story rolling on here; I’m already on part six writing-offline-wise, anywho, happy reading)

John’s appointment isn’t until one in the afternoon, thankfully. This gives me time in the morning to run to the store and buy a red lipstick, as well as some pens. There were some already here in this house, but they aren’t the kind I prefer to use.

           By the time I return home from my little shopping adventure I still have a couple hours before John is supposed to arrive, giving me plenty of time to have a cup of tea and look over his file once more.

           I hate to say it because it sounds cruel, but there isn’t much more to Dr. Watson than what Mycroft told me.

           He studied medicine at King’s College here in London, eventually receiving a Bachelor of Medicine and Surgery. He was a Captain – Captain John Watson – in the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. He is, in fact, a soldier. A veteran of the war in Afghanistan that left him with a bullet wound to the shoulder, a psychosomatic limp, and an intermittent tremor in his dominant hand. He was discharged, of course, three years ago and was seeing a therapist for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – which is common among veterans. Apparently, the last time he saw a therapist was almost two years ago. He stopped seeing one shortly after being introduced to Sherlock, which explains a lot, I suppose. Having a busy life and a best friend by your side can do wonders sometimes for healing.

           He currently holds a job as a general practitioner physician at a local clinic, so he does keep up with being a doctor. Though it’s clear he hasn’t worked in days…almost a week. So, he hasn’t worked since Sherlock jumped off a roof, which again, makes perfect sense.

           On the topic of Sherlock, John has lived in 221B Baker Street with Sherlock for almost two years now. He’s had a few girlfriends, but nothing stable and nothing current.

           I glance back at his picture, furrowing my eyebrows. I understand he’s a veteran dealing with his own issues, and that Sherlock can be quite the busy bee, but how has no girl snagged John yet? Just seems absurd to me that he isn’t dating anyone.

           I hum to myself with a shrug, going back to reading.

           John was apparently warned many times about Sherlock, but still stayed by his side. So, he’s loyal. He’s a good man.

           When Sherlock jumped, John was there watching from the ground…

           I sigh heavily. He literally watched Sherlock fall to his death. No wonder the man is not doing well. Seeing death, especially the death of someone you’re close to, does something else to you. It rips you up inside with a tangle of questions and accusations.

           Fuck you, Sherlock. Fuck you for doing this to John Watson.

           I try to keep reading, moving forward. John has a few friends, but none he really keeps up with outside of Mike Stamford, who he was in the army with. Other than that, he’s got Sherlock, Mrs. Hudson who they rent the flat from, and Molly. But it’s clear from this that Molly is closer to Sherlock than she is John.

           Interesting. He’s a veteran, a doctor, and Sherlock Holmes’s best friend.

           He’s insanely intelligent just from what I’ve read. He seems like a genuinely good man. I hate to say that I’m a little eager to meet him now. I wish it wasn’t under these circumstances, but it is what it is, I suppose.

           I glance at my watch, seeing I have around an hour before John is supposed to arrive. I glance down at my clothes, deciding to change before today’s session. Something to really get me fully inside Jane’s head and out of my own.

~~~

It’s pouring down rain.

           It was barely sprinkling earlier this morning when I went out, but now it’s begun to pour. I guess I should’ve expected this with how dark the sky was looking earlier, but I had my high hopes.

           I expect the weather to delay John’s arrival, but it doesn’t. The doorbell rings right at one, which only tells me he must’ve been waiting for the clock to turn. Sounds like something he’d do, if I do say so myself. Even though I don’t know him well.

           “You must be John Watson,” I smile, eagerly waving him inside and out of the rain. “Come in, come in.”

           “Yes I am, hi,” he smiles a bit nervously, shrugging off his coat.

           “Oh, you can hang it there,” I point to the coat rack by the door. “Don’t worry about it dripping on the floor, it’s nothing this hardwood can’t handle.”

           “Alright,” he nods.

           “A mad dog and an Englishman.”

           “Sorry, what?”

           “A mad dog and an Englishman,” I reply, thinking he didn’t hear me correctly.

           “I don’t understand.”

           “The only two fools who would go out in this rain on purpose,” I explain.

           John lets out a nervous chuckle, obviously not entirely sure of what’s happening, and this causes me to reel myself back in.

           “I apologize,” I furrow my eyebrows, shaking my head stupidly. “It’s an old joke my grandmother used to make all the time, but I realize this is an inappropriate time to joke around. Uh, right this way.”

           I gesture up to the two chairs. A pitcher of water sits on the table next to John’s chair, placed there by me a bit ago to make it seem…more comfortable. I have no idea what I’m doing here, but I’m trying to pretend like I do, and that’s been proving to be a little more difficult than I imagined. And it’s only been two minutes.

           We sit down in our respective chairs, me placing his file (not the one Mycroft gave me) in my lap, so I can take notes, and he awkwardly folds his hands together, crossing his legs.

           Here we go.

           “So,” I breathe, crossing my legs as well. “Why today?”

           There’s a pained expression on his face already as thunder booms around us. “Sorry?”

           I furrow my eyebrows. “My records say it has been eighteen months since you’ve last seen a therapist. Why today? Why now?”

           “You read the papers?” He asks, his voice cracking. “And you watch telly?”

           I nod slowly.

           “I’m here because—” He cuts himself off with a sharp breath, shaking his head.

           “John,” I pause, trying to swallow my own lump in my throat from watching him like this. “What happened?” He tries once, and stops. “You need to say it, John.”

           “My best friend,” he pauses, “Sherlock Holmes,” he stops again, closing his eyes, “is dead.”

           I sigh, hanging my head as I listen to him begin to cry. I swear to God, I’m going to smack Sherlock across the face so hard the next time I see him. Whenever that is. Because this is ridiculous. Doing this to John. And leaving me here to clean up the mess, to look after him.

           Quietly, I stand and retrieve the tissue box from the coffee table by the couch. I bring it back to the table by John’s chair, setting it next to him since I know he won’t take one if I hand it to him. He doesn’t seem like that kind of man, and I’m right. He doesn’t take one until I am sitting back in my chair.

           “What happened, John?”

           The look he gives me next might as well have been lethal. “I’ve just told you what happened.”

           “Yes, I know,” I reply. “But I mean how did it happen?”

           “You want me to tell you how he died?”

           “I want you to talk to me, John, that’s what I’m here for.”

           He nods. “He jumped. From a building, to his death, and I was watching. That’s how it happened, since it was so damn necessary for you to know.”

           He’s grieving, so I let his hostility slide. “You were watching?”

           “Yes,” John confirms. “I was on the phone with him before he…”

           “What did he say to you?”

           “What did he say?” John repeats the question, but with so much incredulity I’m afraid he might start yelling at me. “He told me he was a fraud. That it was all fake.”

           “What was all fake?”

           “All of his,” he waves his hands. “Deductions. All of the cases he solved. That it was all a…a magic trick.”

           “And you don’t think it was.”

           “Do you think it was?”

           “I didn’t know Sherlock personally, John. I’m just trying to understand the whole situation. And I’m just trying to get you to talk about it.”

           “What if I don’t want to talk about it?”

           “Well, then why did you schedule this appointment?” I really shouldn’t ask such a testy question as this, but I am.

           “I don’t know,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

           “Can I tell you why I think you scheduled this appointment?”

           He gives me a strange look. “You’ve barely known me for ten minutes, but sure.”

           I smile softly. “I’ve seen a lot of patients like you.” I see a lot of myself in him. “And when they schedule these appointments when they don’t want to talk about what’s troubling them, it’s not because they don’t want to face what happened, it’s because they’re afraid of what might happen to them if they don’t.” I wait for him to interrupt or make some sarcastic remark, but he doesn’t, so I continue. “Grief is a deadly disease, Dr. Watson. If you don’t treat it properly or deal with it eventually, it will eat you alive. Talking about what’s happened is one way to deal with it, but if you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you.”

           He sighs heavily, nodding his head to let me know he’s heard me. I expect for him to sound off with another remark, but he doesn’t. He surprises me this time by talking about Sherlock. Not about Sherlock’s death, but about one time when he came home to Sherlock shooting a yellow spray-painted smiley face on the wall of their flat. I try not to laugh as he tells the story, but I can’t help it when he’s smiling, too. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it.

           John tells me another story of the time – most recently – when Sherlock came home covered in blood. He had taken the tube covered in blood. Even my eyes widened in shock, causing John to nod at my reaction and say, “Me too.”

           I thought this session was going to be a little more painful than it turned out to be, but as John is shrugging his coat over his shoulders at the end, I see that an hour of just talking about Sherlock has really taken a weight off his shoulders. I did keep notes of some points in the stories that seemed interesting that I’ll ask him about next time. I didn’t want to press after he seemed genuinely amused and content telling stories.

           And I know from personal experience that sometimes the best healing comes from remembering the good times spent with the one you’ve lost.