#i should take it tho....... but i dont want to........... but i should............... fuck idk what to do 😭😭
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yall who cast reverse animal themes on my horror and dust,,, why we got BUNNY horror and PUPPY dust
ok but on a real note i was DYING drawing this. i cant believe its my first time drawing the 1 of the trio in a maid dress!!!! id like to thank underfella and calvateyla for inspiring me; i wouldn't have graduated from shit art college without you guys ❤️💜 (inspo) (SOMEONE GET THIS DOG OUT OF HERE DUST HAS A FUCKING CHAINED COLLAR???? 💀💀💀)
i didn't know what to do for the background either so i just added funny photos. HERE. yes its a coincidence the memes are both horror and dust themed i totally didn't plan that
#killer come get your animals you dumbass#this has GOT to be the cringiest shit ive ever drawn#both of the references had fell in them and im just amused at the difference in between.......#the fell horror's with is SILLY and GOOFY and just not serious at all#and then the fell dust's with is COOL ans EDGY and SUAVE and THE CONTRAST IS CRAZY#isnt it outrageous that all of the trio have been depicted with fell. fell pulls all the classics#i say as i dont even ship kustard (glances away and tucks afterfell into my pocket discreetly)#dont worry horror you wont need to sweat any longer#the next time i draw any of these guys in anything but the outfits i designed is probably 2025#this was so fun actually tho :33 if only drawing a simple doodle didn't take 2 FUCKING HOURS#the ONLY reason you guys dont get more triglycercule art is because it takes TOO FUCKING LONG#the dust werewolf Halloween costume image actually did give me an idea 4 a rant but ill write it l8er#ive been trying to get over my weird little perfectionism thing#i avoid coloring like the plague because my smooth lineart doesnt look good with it#probably bc idk what style i want but colors are inherently messy#i should sometimes just color over the goddamn lineart SMH#anyways thats enough of this for the day. i am going to get back to doing nothing#ACTUALLY today was lowkey productive kinda. idk. i dont remember for some reason#tricule art#only reason killer isnt in this one is because i couldnt remember a time he wore something weird n animal themed#if there was a moment where he wore a fucking furrysuit or something he'd be smack dab in the middle :3#should i even tag this lmao 💀💀💀💀#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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can’t stop thinking about all the possibilities for her in S2
Men DNI
#I wanna see her lead zaun even tho I feel it’s somewhat unlikely#I want her backstory#fuckkk they better not do her dirty :((#im emotional and im stressed and ive cried 3 times today thinkinf about her#uhh god im vrying again 😭#ugh#fuck im thinkign too much i cant even write down what else i want to see of her#I want to see her living a happy peacful life away from zaun with a smile on her face in 4k#I also wouldn’t mind seeing her naked#I wanna see her pretty scars#also please add renata to the show#Im not a fan of ‘renata is sevika!!!!’ theory because. it just doesn’t make sense to me.#and idk it feels like it takes away from sevika as a character#also#they dont even look the same. the only similarities i can see are the arms.#idk where people pulled that theory from#ALSO another reason i dont like it is because i think renata and sevika should bang#i dont want them to be the same singular person because I want both of them at once ����#sevika#arcane#<3#there’s def a lot more to list but i can’t think rn so im gonna go sleep:3
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almost came out to my sister today except she was on speakerphone with her husband so that did NOT happen lmao
#nothing against my BIL i just. want to keep it to the people i trust most in my family for now.#of all my immediate family she's the one i trust the most. completely 100%. oldest brother is a close second.#i think i do want to come out to them in the near future. haven't really figured out what i'm gonna say to them though.#hgrhghh.#winter speaks#personal#and i have to figure out what im going to say to the family At Large too..........................SIGH.#i dont even know if i want to come out to the whole family because i know some of them are republicans but i dont know which ones#bc there's a strict ''no talking about politics'' rule at every single gathering for as long as i can remember. lmao.#so i have no idea which family members will grudgingly tolerate me and which ones want me euthanized lmaooooooo#i don't even. really Want to come out to the whole family honestly. but i don't know how much of a long term solution that is.#whatever. im not gonna worry about all that rn bc i have to worry about how im gonna tell my siblings.#and i trust that they wont tell the rest of the family about it until im ready for it but i should probably be prepared just in case they d#because with my wonderful beautiful loving family you can never ever fucking tell :) <3#im very sure about my brother and sister tho.#whatever. its midnight i should not be thinking about stuff like this#but idk i was literally planning on coming out to her today but she just had a baby so she had the phone on speaker while she and#her husband were taking care of him/my older nephew#next time i guess.
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he looks like a predator lowkey
DAMN i mean 😭 damn,
tbh, not to get preachy or smthin, this is just my personal onion, im not the biggest fan of 'i always knew smthing was wrong with x' or 'he always looked like a creeper to me' / 'gave off those vibes' bcs i kinda feel like it diminishes survivors' .. surviving. And gives off this sense of 'as long as you look out for These Static Qualities that All Fucked Up People have, you will be SAFE' thumbs up quota kinda thing,,, which is very dangerous and way too broad for an unfortunately worldly and everslipping issue in society. SORRY ANON, i just wanted to get this off my chest and thot this was a good opportunity, it's just my personal probably underrated thots
#the most fucked up things abt truly fucked up ppl is sometimes not even being able to tell theyre fucked up#until irreversible shit happens#like before the giddey event my only opinion on him was he gave off american psycho vibes and in appearance#when the stuff came out abt him tho i was like damn that crazy#i dont wanna turn a coincidence into a sole cause tho bcs thats slippery#esp with a poc as the person of possible predatoration (this shit is NOT a word LMFAO WATEVER)#and this is NOT me saying only white ppl can be predators or smthing stupid like that#like the ones with the dahmer cut and the glasses and jakcet or whatever#bcs again that just lowers ppls guards and raises them at maybe inopportune times sometimes#but with esp poc appearance criticisms are very much eggshell walking bcs it's easier for Very damaging stereotypes#and just bad thot processes in general to follow them#in general#like i know when i was younger i was always avoidant and quiet to white girls who tried to approach me bcs i didnt want ppl making Bad joke#abt us just bcs *i* know bad (like BAD bad. not just white ppl love mayo jokes or wtver lol) ideas create those opportunities#and also i read a lot (i liked fictional better but read some history too) and also looking like. yea. u know#i knew#just in general... unfair assumptions create unfair actions/opportunities#try to be avoident of that in general.. even if u feel 'justified' sometimes thats just personal!#personal feelings should be specified as personal juust in case u know. it takes 2 seconds to safeguard#bcs not a lot of survivors get justification or Feel justified in surviving and#idk man#anyways#gets off my soapbox and shrinks ten feet
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.
#luly talks#i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho#like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure.#but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off#like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother#and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all??#like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate?#and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more)#yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know.#like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally.#but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie#r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk#like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour#off to go to therapy. just a thought.#like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry#although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different#maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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feeling bad that im gonna say no to a shift tonight but ive literally worked everyday this week and id like ONE day off. but i still feel bad :(
#capitalism at work babie#i should take it tho....... but i dont want to........... but i should............... fuck idk what to do 😭😭#idk!!!!!!!!#talk tag
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#ok ik all the hot take asks are pre much done and the sparkly say smth nice asks are better but well I’ve been having thoughts all day at#work and want to get them out now so that’s what I’m doing lol#obvs for the past few months i think ppl are vv heavily leaning into the dnf /r and I firmly believe that they aren’t#like yes I enjoy being a multi shipper but I still primarily read dnf fics bc they’re cute dnf writers and artists MWAHH ilysm#but it’s been increasingly annoying how every move dnf make ppl hyper obsess over it and ignore everything else like blog what u want this#is tumblr dot com but I think ppl how only see dnf thro the lens of romantic do much more ‘harm’ than ppl who dont#like the argument about taking validation out of their very REAL amazing friendship just gets over shadowed by omg Dream posted a pic of#geogre they’re in LOVE and sucking and FUCKING every night. like#and then completely disregard when dnf do and say the exact same shit about all their other friends#like dream has explicitly said they aren’t dating (ignore that tho) amd that’s he’s kissed multiple ppl since coming out (ignore that too)#and their friends naturally say that they’re all single (ignore that too) idk man it’s ok they like to pander amd that dream is a toxic#dnfer but it’s all just For Funsies. another thing is ppl CONSTANTLYYYY putting geohres sexuality under a microscope oh he drinks lemonade#from Starbucks he’s soooo gay like dumb shit like that is so irritating#the fact that geogre has never once talked about his sexuality except that one instance where he got a DONO about it proves how much it#just doesn’t matter or apply to the type of content creator he is/wants to be#to be clear if he is or isn’t or dnf every explicitly announce their romantic relationship im gonna be sooooo happy and supportive like aw#dnfogies🫶🏻 but I think there’s a 99.9% chanve that’ll never happen so maybe we should all just care a Little Less and focus on out lgbt#creators if that’s smth u wanna watch/blog about idk maybe I’m just burnt out from the phandom but whyyyyy does is matter what their#sexualities are they play minecraft who cares who CARESSSS idk maybe just having older brothers around dtqk ages has made me realize that#guys will just act homiesexual no matter What#guys are just Like That and tbc I’m not saying that just bc gnf hasn’t made an official coming out doesn’t mean he’s not queer but for the#sake of his contwnt it doesn’t matter either way ? so why are ppl talking about it on the daily idk man it’s just annoying but Oh Well#at the end of the day they’re all famous white guys and nothing matters hurray !!
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grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet
#snap chats#i didnt even pre order the ichi plush but spiritually i did. good luck charm.#anyway rant time look away from here. Im At My Limit <- i say this every week#I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG <- lying. my moms home#i just feel terrible again. i feel so awful i gave myself a headache from being upset#do you know how upset you have to be to give yourself a headache just sitting and thinking#that happened when i was taking a spanish test once but i think i was just so stupid my brain actually started to hurt trying to think#i also remember being sad as hell that day tho so....... maybe it was both#everyday it feels like im sad thats so fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it#ALSO IT'S RAINING AGAIN rain never promises anything good unless you're a plant#im working but i should have this done in. idk a few hours#and then its the weekend right.... there's no limitations for sadness though brother doesn't run on a schedule#unless we're talking about seasonal depression but we know what i mean#ew im supposed to go to that con tomorrow i dont even know if i want to go anymore#i just don't want to do anything anymore ig is the vibe#idk i have a journal to whine bout all this in ╮(╯-╰)╭ squeezing ichi plush is a mood tho so im still posting#maybe if i play a lil y7 ill remember theres good things to wake up for..#also i gave myself another headache OWOWOWOW STOP when will it end#wait let me be sad again because my dad said we'd hang out today or tomorrow#but i just know that's not happening and now im even more sad WEHHH no one loves me etc etc die#sometimes you just need a melodramatic teenager moment i think we're all due that right like once a month#ok i have to stop my head really hurts ☠️☠️☠️
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every time i see someone say that báizhú is abusive towards qīqī i get one step closer to killing a man i think
#censored with their pronunciation thingies bc i dont want them to appear in the main tag#hodykes talk tag#genshin#HE LITERALLY ISNT ABUSIVE HE FUCKING CARES ABT HER HE JUST HAS LOW EMPATHY!!!!!!!!#every single ''evidence'' bs that ppl share is easily refuted by canon and it makes me foam at the mouth whenever i see shit takes abt 1/2#báizhú esp with his relationship with qīqī... a lot of the ''evidence'' stems to ''he doesnt mean it when he says he loves her'' which 2/3#as someone with extremely low empathy and difficulty saying i love you that kinda hits me in a personal place too idk idk#got sidetracked but he clearly demonstrates compassion to her and goes out of his way to spoil her... cmon man#its funny tho when someone is like. a reig/en ara/taka stan and has these bad takes too its like#you dont??? see??? that báizhú and qīqī have the same relationship as rei/gen and mob?? idk idk idk#<- censored with / so it doesnt show up in character tags btw#maybe someday i WILL write an actual essay instead of ranting to the discord. i should tbh
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choked so hard swallowing my drink down the wrong way that I almost puked and I'm still kinda nauseous hours later, so lol. also, friend (the mutual work friend of me and my man that actually hangs out with him outside of work) witnessed and started saying something about how some people choke on things like that bad enough that it kinda spooks them from drinking and they get dehydrated out of paranoia (no idea if that's true, sounds fake but whatever, he's one of those people yk?) and my dumb ass, full of autism and pure thoughts only, said "damn, if that were a problem I wouldn't be able to put nothing in my mouth, my gag reflex is shit 😞😞" which has probably made it's way to my man. because I'm stupid and was really woozy from coughing til I almost vomited and totally didn't think of what I was saying.
#doesnt help that a few days ago we were all hanging out smoking#and i dont get high easy with others evidently but they all have MAJOR tolerance and experience and im baby#so i feel pretty mellow and dazed pretty quick when we do anything despite them all feeling almost nothing#(even though my man is very quick to tell me when something isnt even strong so idk what everyone else ive smoked with is smoking)#(because i hardly get the slightest bit chill from it any time i smoke with anyone else usually)#(but i digress)#and so i was higher than i mayhaps should have been from what i had because again hella baby#but i heard friend say *SOMETHING* that 100% had my name and i think had the word “head” in it#in like a whisper to my man who was sitting on the couch between us#and i was like “okay im feeling kinda dazed and shit and i have hearing issues and hes very much talking so i cant hear--”#“--so i shouldnt make assumptions on what he said because im probably REALLY mishearing what i did hear lol”#but then my man kinda glanced at me and made a noise (an almost laugh??) and said “nah not yet” quiet but not as much as a whisper as friend#so i do lowk wonder if i heard right lol#and if i did thats a whole other story#because pooki cmon#babygirl get real#i sleep over there not infrequently and we cuddle hella intertwined and kiss and all#ive told him that im stupid as fuck and have anxiety so i need things EXTRA communicated with me#ive hinted at kink#ive told him that i trust him fully not to force me to do anything that i dont wanna do and that as long as hell take no for an answer--#--id have no issue with him telling me what to do more often because i again trust him and would say no if i really didnt want to#(in nonsexual situations like him asking if i wanted to go run an errend with him or wait for him at his place and such)#that i was hoping hed be more confident in making a move by now#but im acespec and in zero rush because sex is take it or leave it to me#id do it for him and i really do want to but its so not a need or even much of a craving#but i might bring it up eventually if he doesnt because he is so sweet and cute and i think he just doesnt wanna assume#because he had to be told that its okay to kiss me and that he can and should talk to me at work like a normal person#so i deadass think he just doesnt want to force me into anything but is also bad at communicating so he doesnt really ask either#its just funny that i think they were talking about me giving head a few days ago and i choked and said something stupid today tho#whores lovesick musings
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I saw a tiktok about wealth and now I have to rant a bit ahhhhhh
When I say rich people should pay more taxes and rent and all that stuff, I mean RICH people. Millionaires, Billionaires, not people that earn hundred bucks more than average a year because of some bonus.
And saying "NoOooOOOOooo you shouldn't force them to give away their 'hard earned' money just because they have more of it!" Is fucking dumb to me, cause these people probably were born rich. Their parents were probably born rich as well. Their money might've been hard earned but not by them.
It's almost impossible to become as rich as those people nowadays if you weren't born into a rich family.
Paying more taxes, donating to charities, those things won't even leave a dent in their wealth. The only reason they have to hoard their money is just greed and a complete disregard of all the people in need of just a small fraction of their money.
So ya In conclusion I hate greedy rich people.
#i dont fucking know#rambling#eat the rich#fuck the rich#in a bad way#idk how else to tag#:P#we literally had a whole discussion about if rich people should pay more into the state#and even the teacher was like noooo tzey earned their money dont take it away#i just wanted to scream YES! YES THEY SHOULD PAY MORE#there may not be that many rich people in germany#but they ALL need to pay more#dont take anything i say too seriously tho#im a dumb kid#my understanding of things is limited
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behold......pokemon teams that took WAY too fucking long to make
#yeah this is for the you-know-what au#picking the teams wasnt hard it was the fucking MOVESETS LIKE GODDAMN#even then some of them i arent that happy abt...but that doesnt matter#ice keeps his key stone as a ring instead of the class ring he normally wears....#you dont understand how excited i got when i thought of that (i am a genius)(no im not)#anyways happy i made this when *checks notes* ill only be writing about half of these pkmn. yeah#its fine tho its fine bc i am going to write a battle scene and i am going to practice action and i am going to have FUN#<- said through gritted teeth#anyway i am praying and hoping that i actually finish this fic bc if i do...then people may read it...and then they may ask me abt my au...#if even one person asked abt it i would be so fucking excited happy#but also embarrassed bc then i'd have to type all of my thoughts that ive ever had abt this au lmao#bunni mumbles#delete later#kinda want to put this in the main tag but i dont wanna bother people with my weird au that i put WAY too much thought into#i told myself not every pokemon needed an item...but alas....#not even all of them are that good;;;i should probably just take a few away tbh but oh well#idk why i felt like all of them needed an item
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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anyway things i still must do
1. brush teeth
2. eat probably.
3. switch clothes to dryer
4. the showers
#i can brush my teeth rn i shouldve b4. but im prooobably gonna wait until i switch the shits to the dryer#bc then i can umm. switch stuff brush teeth Chill and relax and be beautiful for 30 minutes then eat breakfast then my stuff modt.probably#will be ready 2 be out of the dryer andd then i will SHOWERS! yay#i probably should take off my clean clothes i had to wear them to put stuff in the dryer.#i havent worn such little clothing in AGES lol. its not anything crazy its judt shorts and a croptop#but normally i wear pants that Cover my feet and oversized shirts. bc of the dysphoria nd such#i will say my dad saying 'lol i didnt know you had legs XD' does not make me want to wear shorts ever again. out of spite. but whatever#I JUDT GET COLD and also i hate hate hate hate hate ppl seeing my body esp in motion. not even related to the Body issues and stuff#even when i was skinny it made my fucking skin crawl to know that ppl could see me. when i was just like. cooking in the kitchen#idk. idk how much ive talked abt it b4 but it stresses me out supremely that ppl can see my body move when im not consciously moving my body#in a certain way to be looked at#its not even a seduction thing or anything i dont thjnk i movemy body any differently when im Prepared to be watched vs not#aside from like. if im not i shake horrifically. like i always shake i have shaky hands favt of life but if im being watched its like.#borderline i cant do anything bc i shaje so much and have trouble breathing#its worse after wa tho. i genuinely had to run to my room in tears bc i started hvaing a panic attack several several times. LOL#but wtvr. its probably some deepseated issue its rly not 4 me to think abt.
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