#i should make a playlist specifically for songs that ruin me

[ofyorkshire]

gosh, billie eilish's "hostage" is just one of those songs that feels like it's ripping out my heart. it plucks at something so visceral and desperate.

anyway, putting it here bc the song does remind me of bj a bit. idk in what context, but i think the song must be in his pov.

[skitskatdacat63]

During the 2020 shut-in era, I basically only listened to Coldplay and god the amnt of emotional nostalgia I get from listening to their music is so

[hearts4court]

this one should be angsty but,,,,

like a tattoo by sade with regulus black

specific lyrics – he told me sweet lies of sweet loves heavy with the burden of the truth and he spoke of his dreams broke by the burden broken by the burden of his youth

Like a Tattoo.

A/N: ahhh i felt very villainous while writing this. I added Sirius into this because i just love the idea of Toxic!Regulus getting his girlfriend taken by his brother. 🤭 Also this song went straight into my playlist and has been on replay for 45 mins.

| Main Masterlist | Rules 4 blog | about me! | Spotify! |

Started: 8/6/23 — 8/23/23

Pairings: Regulus Black X Fem!reader, Sirius Black X Fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, manipulation, toxic!Regulus, bad spelling, cheating, kissing, mentions of mental health, horribly translated french, this was so short m’sorry.

Lemme know if i miss anything! :)

He told me sweet lies of sweet loves, heavy with the burden of the truth.

“I love you, Y/N. I’d never do anything to hurt you.” were the words Regulus spoke to you, as he hugged you, rocking you back in forth.

“You’re the only girl i want. No one else.” he said softly. “No one will take you from me.” he whispered sternly and coldly making you hum in response, he brought your head to his chest as he rocked you back in forth.

“Sirius lied to you. I would never cheat on you. Nor would i hurt you, i love you.” he said, continuing to sound stern and cold, clenching his jaw at what his brother said.

“Stay away from Sirius.”

~~~

“I’m telling you, Y/N! He’s manipulating you into staying with him!”Sirius whisper yelled as you two sat in your dorm. “I know i just— i don’t wanna leave him. I can’t hurt him i’m not-“ before you could finish your sentence Sirius cut you off. “that kinda person. Yeah, yeah, i know. Look, as your best friend i’m just gonna say i think you should break up with him. He’s toxic and he’s gonna ruin your mental health.”He said as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

“I know, i know.” you said with a sigh.

and he spoke of his dreams,

“i love you so much, Y/N. i wanna spend my life with you..” Regulus said as he caressed your temple. “but i can’t..it’s not you it’s.. My brother. Sirius is trying to steal you from me, but i won’t let him.” he added, making you perk your head up at him”Reggie..Sirius is just my friend nothing more.” you reassure causing him to scoff before he softened his gaze.

“Tell me you love me.” he said as he stared daggers into you making you gulp,”I love you, Reggie.” you say, “say it again.” he said, “i love you, Regulus.” you say once more, making him smile.

“Good.”

Broken by the burden, the burden of his youth.

Sirius didn’t see you in potions, he got worried. At the end of the day after al of his classes, he skipped quidditch practice and ran straight to your dorm. His heart shattering at the sight of you curled up on your bed, crying your eyes out.

“Oh.. Y/N, what happened, darling?” Sirius asked as he approached you and comforted his best friend.

“Regulus he— He cheated on me!! with a-a girl from Slytherin…”you sob as he cooed and pulled you into his chest to hug you, you quickly wrap your arms around his chest and cry into his shirt. Sirius was pissed. How could Regulus do that to you? someone has beautiful, loving, sweet and smart as you?

He wanted to find his brother and kick his ass, but he didn’t. He wanted to, he needed to stay and comfort you. “ma belle.. don’t cry, he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who will treat you right and not just use and manipulate you.” Sirius said as he kissed your head making you look up at him, locking eyes with him.

The room was quiet, the tension thick. Very thick. Sirius hesitated, but he leaned down and kissed your lips softly and lovingly. To his surprise, you kissed back quickly, melting into his arms.

Regulus was always so rough and needy with his kisses, but Sirius.. his kisses were loving and soft. He pulled back and opened his eyes, moving your hair out of your face,”Sirius i.. i love you. i love you so much.”you admit as your wrap your arms around his chest once more, causing him to pull you into his lap wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face into your neck. “je t'aime..” he whispered into your ear.

Don’t copy, translate or repost any of my work w/o my permission.

[writeandsurvive]

Maybe we can get some Parker x pregnant!reader? Maybe with some angst? I love your writing so much

You asked for some angst, I shall deliver. 🫣 hope it's what you wanted!! Thank you for your kind words ❤️

(yes, I'm a bit obsessed with the band Måneskin)

Warnings: pregnant!reader, false alarm, hospital, bed rest, cheating, Alden screwing up big time, lots of crying

I wanna hate you ~ Alden Parker

You didn't know how you were going to go through this. It was supposed to be the most amazing time of your life, an incredible experience, but everything was ruined. Stroking at your belly, you kept replaying the past week in your mind and cried.

It was your second anniversary with Alden. You had plans to have an early dinner at the restaurant he took you two years ago and then go to a concert. Your boyfriend wasn't fond of the idea, as you're entering your third trimester, but you definitely wanted to. It was a band you've been dying to see for ages, got Alden to love their music, and luckily there was a specific area for disabled people and pregnant ladies like you. Everything would be perfect.

Except that you couldn't figure out what to wear. You spent hours trying on different outfits, some were maternity clothes that you hated, some were your usual clothes you didn't fit anymore. "Baby, I love you so much, but you make me so big." You told your unborn child. "I want to look pretty for your daddy, but nothing fits." You sighed, taking one more look at yourself in the mirror. Nope, not this outfit.

You changed one more time, to put the dress you had in the maybe pile. "I guess that could work with my doc martens." You tried to convince yourself. "It's gonna be your first concert, baby! I hope they'll play Coraline. Let's put it on." You grabbed your phone and played 'Coraline' by Måneskin, the band you were seeing tonight. You and Alden agreed to keep the gender a surprise till birth, but if it's a baby girl, she'd be named Coraline because of that particular song.

Listening to your Måneskin playlist, you finished getting ready. It was after putting on lipstick that you realized you still haven't heard about Alden. Checking the time and realizing how late it already was, you called him. No answer. You waited a few minutes and tried again. Same. "Alden, don't do this to me." Obviously, his work asks a lot, and you're very much aware of that, but Alden always makes a point to be there for the special occasion. He wouldn't miss it, unless there was an emergency. So, that's where your mind went.

You decided to text Kasie.

You: Hey boo! 😘 I was wondering if my man was near you or if there was an explanation as to why he's not answering?

Kasie typed, stopped, typed again and stopped. It took a few minutes to get an answer.

Kas: Hey babe ❤️ Sorry but I left the office a while ago, no idea where he's at! Wants me to ring him on Bandium?

You: Did everyone else leave too?

Kas: Idk, Parker was still there when I left.

You: Okay, thanks for answering love!

Kas: Of course, keep me updated. ❤️

An hour later, still nothing. No answer, no text, nothing. You should already be at the restaurant but instead, you didn't know where Alden was, what he was doing or even if he was okay. Your anxiety level was extremely high, which wasn't good for the baby. Kasie stayed on the phone with you and offered to pin his phone.

You gave in and told her to.

"Huh, that's weird." She said.

"What?! Where is he? Please don't tell me he's at a hospital or something." You were on the verge of crying.

"No no, not at all. He's like an hour away from DC. Got the address but it doesn't seem to be anything particular."

"What does it mean?"

"Well, do you know someone who lives on (address)?"

You thought for a moment. "No, no one! Can't you find out who lives there?"

"Pinning Parker's phone is already very unethical--"

"You're right, sorry. Thank you for doing this, I owe you one."

"You're growing my godchild inside of you, we're even." She managed to get a small laugh out of you despite the situation.

Everything went through your mind, you imagined every possibility as to what was going on, what happened to the father of your child. It was driving you crazy, you were pacing around the entire apartment, texting back and forth to his team, who had all left work a while ago after they closed their case. But somehow, you had this nagging feeling that they were hiding something from you. From the beginning of the relationship, you knew Alden couldn't tell you much about his job and you were okay with that. But that night, you were not. You needed to know.

You needed him.

By the time he finally came back home, you were a complete mess. You rushed to the door as soon as the noises of keys reached your ears. You jumped into his arms, the baby bump getting in the way. "Thank god you're okay!" You cried in his neck.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so so sorry." He hugged you back, as tight as he could. Your anxiety dropped down, as you were finally able to breathe again. No idea what happened yet, but at least he was there, alive and well.

You let go reluctantly and scanned him entirely, making sure he wasn't hurt anywhere. But what caught your attention was the tears in his eyes. His hands were resting on your belly, and the baby was clearly awake, probably aware that daddy was home. Alden dropped to his knees in front of you, kissing your bump, and apologizing over and over again.

"What happened, baby? Are you okay? Where were you?"

He looked up to you, tears rolling down his cheeks. You grabbed them softly, catching them with your thumbs. "Talk to me." You whispered, still crying too.

"I shouldn't -- I should've never --" he broke eye contact to press his forehead against your baby bump. "I'm sorry, to both of you."

After a moment there, you managed to get Alden to follow inside the apartment. Sitting on the couch, with a huge sigh of relief - it was getting harder and harder to carry this tiny human - Den dropped his head on your lap. You stroked his hair and waited for him to talk.

"I made a huge mistake." He finally said. "The biggest mistake of my life."

"What would that be?" Anxiety was coming back in a rush.

"Please don't leave me. Please, I will do anything for you--"

"Alden, you have to tell me what you did, right now."

"I slept with my ex."

And just like that, your entire world fell apart. Your heart broke into thousands of pieces. Silently, and quiet slowly, you pushed his head off your lap. Alden tried to hold onto you but knew he had to let go. His touch was the last thing you wanted at this very moment. You tried to stand up but your legs immediately gave up, finding yourself back on the couch but further from him. His reflex kicked him as he tried to catch you but you snapped his arms off. "Don't touch me." You couldn't look at him.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I know you hate me right now, but--"

"Shut the fuck up."

He did.

You stayed silent for a very long moment, tears of anger and heartbreak covering your cheeks. But the worst was what you were feeling in your lower abdomen. That pain was not normal. In your mind, you talked to your baby. "Honey, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. Stay inside." But you let out a muffled scream and curse when a sharper pain hit.

Alden was quick on his knees next to you, asking if there was something wrong with the baby. Between the long hours of waiting and now this, something wrong was definitely happening. "Drive me to the hospital."

Alden was asking a bunch of questions as he helped you to the car. You didn't understand any of them, as the pain was increasing and you were silently begging your baby to be okay, telling him and her that it was going to be fine. You hoped you could believe it.

"If anything happens to my baby, Alden, I want you out of my life, for-fucking-ever."

He stayed silent because nothing he'd say would be good enough.

~

It was the longest hours of Alden's life. He wasn't allowed in as the doctors were checking up on you and his child. Alone in the hallway, he cried. He wished he could be outside of his body to give himself a beating down. He deserved it. If you left him, he'd deserve it too. He screwed up, he ruined the best thing he ever had and for what? His first love he hadn't seen in over 30 years?

If anything happened to you and/or the baby, Alden would never recover. He'd never forgive himself.

He kept going over to the front desk, asking for news. He grabbed every nurse and doctor he saw. Finally, the nurse he remembered taking you in earlier came up to him.

"How are they? Where are they?" He probably looked like a lunatic, but didn't care. She invited him to sit down but he refused. "Tell me where are my wife and kid!" He yelled.

"They are fine, sir. I'll be taking you to them in a minute. We'll be keeping your wife here at least for the night and as of right now, she's on strict bed rest."

It was fine. He'd take the next three months off if he had to.

The nurse took Alden to you.

Laying down on the bed, with a monitor on your baby bump, you turned your head away when you saw him coming in. "God, I was so scared." He dried his tears off as he approached the bed. "Can I?" He asked, his hand a few inches from your belly. You nodded and he gently touched and stroked where the product of your love was. "How are you feeling?"

You let out a humorless laugh. "You fucking kidding right? I almost lost her, Alden!"

He locked eyes with you. "H--her?"

You sighed. "The doc didn't know I didn't know the gender." You explained.

"We're having a babygirl," his emotions were all over the place, he cried again.

You allowed him to stay after he begged, as long as he stayed silent. You wanted to sleep, feeling both physically and mentally exhausted, but it never came. You stayed awake, feeling Alden's presence on the chair next to your bed. He was looking at you, looking at your belly, looking at the machines. It was only when you saw him typing on his phone that you broke the silence. "Texting her while I'm next to you, Parker?" You asked, in the coldest ton you've ever used.

"God, no! Absolutely not! Baby, I --" he sighed and stopped what he wanted to say. "I'm just writing some stuff down so I don't forget." He showed you his phone but you turned your face away.

After another silence, as you were stroking your belly, you broke into tears. You cried like a baby, having no more self control. Alden didn't hesitate long before moving to the bed, and bringing you to his chest. The only reason you didn't push him off was that you didn't have the strength. "How could you?" You struggled to say.

"I don't know. I wish I could give you a reasonable explanation but there's none. I'm a fucking jerk who ruined the best thing that ever happened to him." He held you tight, breathing in your shampoo. "There's nothing I wouldn't do to get your forgiveness. If you just let me--"

"I hate you." You simply said.

A week later

Back home, you've been on bed rest per doctor's orders. Alden had taken some time off work, even though you didn't want him to. You wished you could just tell him off, leave the apartment, leave town even but you couldn't go anywhere with your baby girl inside you. Plus, as much as you hated his guts, he's your daughter's father, no matter what. You'd never let your girl grow up with her daddy.

Alden tried to talk to you numerous times but you always shut him off. He made sure you had proper meals everyday, and you forced yourself to eat for your daughter. He'd bring your favorite snacks and refill your water, leave flowers on your nightstand, and buy books. He offered you massages (turned them down), offered to brush your hair (turned him down), offered to play games to keep you busy (turned him down). And every afternoon, he'd play piano in the living room, making you cry every single time.

The only time you allowed him to stay near you was when he asked if he could read something to his daughter. He would grab a baby book and read it to your belly. Sometimes, your girl would be completely still, and other times, she'd move and kick around a lot. The only way for her to calm down? Feeling daddy's hand.

You wanted to hate him so bad, and a part of you really did. But when he was there, talking to his daughter, you couldn't. And it hurt.

Your sleep schedule was a mess and babygirl wasn't helping at all. It was 3am, you were utterly exhausted - yes, despite the bed rest -, and your daughter was taking your uterus for a gym. Or a dancefloor.

On the verge of a meltdown, you texted Alden who had been sleeping on the couch since the hospital. The guest room had already been turned into the nursery.

You: You sleeping?

Hearing his phone ping from the living room, it didn't take long until he was knocking at the bedroom door. "Are you okay? Do you need something?" He asked, after you told him to come in.

"I need you to calm her, please." He heard the exhaustion in your voice.

Alden walked over to the bed. "Is it okay if I lay down?"

"I guess."

He laid down next to you, above the covers. Despite the dark, you could sense he was in his useless night shorts and shirtless. You did hate him a little.

He put a hand in your belly, "Shh, babygirl. It's time to sleep now, mama is tired." He stroked your skin exactly where he felt a kick. "Hush, little baby don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird. And if that mocking bird don't sing. Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring..." He sang softly.

"Why did you do this, Alden?" You cried.

He took a deep breath. "I think I needed closure. I-- it was like 16 years old me took over and forgot everything else." You felt his free hand grabbing yours. "I know it's no excuse."

"It didn't have to involve sex."

"You're absolutely right." He squeezed your hand, his mind having a victory dance that you weren't pulling away. "It shouldn't have. I'm willing to do anything, my love. Jeremy gave me the contact of the therapist him and Josie went to, after the accident. Will you agree to give it a try?"

Your daughter was calming down. Daddy's power.

"Maybe." You answered.

"I'll take it." You heard him sniff. It'd be too easy and too soon to reach out for a hug, no matter how much you needed it. "I love the two of you more than anything in this world. I hate myself for what I did."

You didn't answer, couldn't.

You didn't realize how cold it was outside the blankets until you felt Alden shivering by your side. The man had been above the covers the entire time. "Get under the blanket, Alden."

"Are you sure? I may-- fall asleep here if I do,"

"It's fine. Just -- don't cuddle me."

He respected your barrier. You thought you heard him snore not too long after.

"I want to hate your guts so bad, but what they said is true. Sometimes, the person who hurts you is the only one who can make the pain go away. Don't ever hurt me again, please."

He wasn't asleep. He squeezed your hand as an acknowledgment.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 17: VCDRKAA & 18: language & 19: knowledge & 20: again

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 17: VCDRKAA & 18: language & 19: knowledge & 20: again

I hope no one was expecting a line-by line complex exegesis of chapter 17, because I generated a wall of TEXTSLOP. It was never intended to mean anything specific, although I did edit it selectively, for poetry and interest. I didn't really expect anyone to read it, I just wanted them to open the chapter and go "what the fuck is this shit??"

I think I used this page to generate it, which must be twenty years old, at the absolute minimum, and the code is from the 1990s. It's beyond irritating that Markov chain text generators, along with other venerable methods of cut-up and creative mixology, are probably now tarred with the same brush as bullshit like chatGPT. Anyway, you could call it a Small Language Model, in that it only uses the text you put into it, doesn't steal it to do plagiarism, and doesn't require the energy and water usage of a small country to run.

I... had totally forgotten which texts I put into it, and had to spend way too long cross-checking fragments. All I remembered was that the nonsense-title of the chapter was taken from the title-letters of the input books, and it was supposed to be things Iriel had recently encountered, to represent a chaotic vomiting of his subconscious.

I think it's this:

V = 36 Lessons of Vivec

C = Chimarvamidium

D = The Book of Dawn and Dusk

R = A Less Rude Song

K = The Ruins of Kemel-Ze

A = Song of the Alchemists

A = Words of Clan Mother Ahnissi

...but I'm pretty sure there's also Special Flora of Tamriel there, in an uncredited role. I don't think that, or Song of the Alchemists is mentioned as something Iriel reads in-fic, but since Ire's an alchemist, I shovelled them into the word-hopper, too. I suspect I never noticed at the time that Song of the Alchemists is not an alchemical textbook, but silly Marobar Sul doggerel, and not exactly something Iriel would read.

Anyway, please do go ahead and cancel me for "writing fic with AI".

Playlist pick: Of Montreal - Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse. For when you really, really need the drugs to work. Or something to work. Anything. It's all just chemicals, right? C'MON, CHEMICALS!

Once we're done with the psychedelic breakdown, we have a temptation scene, specifically, Iriel wakes up in a wizard's bed, and barely resists intellectual seduction by House Telvanni.

The mage laid the book across the bed and opened it, revealing page after page of writing in Dwemer script.

Neither of them can read it yet, but the book is Divine Metaphysics, one of the three books you need to solve Trebonius' Dwemer mystery quest.

He sighed, and turned another page, revealing a complicated diagram of… Iriel wasn’t sure, but he was interested enough to sit up fully, and examine it. “Chimarvamidium,” he said, eventually.

Iriel is reacting to the diagram in the book of an anthropoid Dwemer construct, a theme that also occurs in Chimarvamidium. The picture under his nose is almost certainly Numidium, something he should be at least theoretically aware of. Tiber Septim used it to conquer Summerset in the Second Era, within living memory of older Altmer, and if Ire wasn't concentrating in history class, he was fourteen years old at the time of The Warp in The West. Admittedly, the giant robot was stomping about in Daggerfall, by then (so no trying to claim it had any weird effects on Ire's developing psyche!), and perhaps even a Dragon Break was barely a blip on his radar, compared to the horrors of being a teenager in Lillandril. Either way, Ire misses the obvious fact about the picture, and makes a more remote connection, something Baladas takes as evidence of a subtler, more esoteric intellectual approach, when it's actually far more to do with:

“I’m sorry. I think I’m still sssomewhat under the effects of an Imperial fuckton of skooma.

Iriel was previously only ever doing moon sugar. Skooma is much, much stronger, more addictive, and, for a magic-sensitive Altmer, extremely psychoactive and hallucination-inducing. He also drank two bottles, straight. Skooma is a liquid, and can be drunk, but is more commonly smoked (inhaled as a vapour?) through a pipe. I am assuming that smoking is the preferred method because the effects are slow and gentle, whereas drinking it is extremely neither of those things.

Yes, fine, the line about skooma being like "eight hundred orgasms tied to a brick" is an echo of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy description of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster cocktail as being "like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick". NO that is NOT a pop culture reference, that's just me stealing shit, which is totally different okay?

“Was that a Daedroth back there?”

Baladas keep a pet Daedroth. Wait... is it a pet? Are they sentient? Some of them are named, and have relationships to other characters that could imply they were intelligent. But... hmm. Dangerous tangent. Let's assume it's just a pet, yeah?

“It’s adorable! What’s its name?” Ire poked it, giggling in delight as it contracted its metal limbs back into its shell.

Again. Please let the record show that the first time Iriel interacted closely with a non-hostile Dwemer automaton, he was overcome with nothing more lascivious or sinister than childlike glee and wonder. You filthy animals.

Poor little centurion, does your daddy not even care enough to–”

He did indirectly call a Telvanni wizard "daddy", though. I can't really defend him from that one, since I'm pretty sure he knew exactly what he was doing*. And so did Baladas, because he shut that bullshit down FAST.

(* exactly what he was doing = being very silly and no-filter. Iriel is not actually looking to get "mentored" by a much older wizard, even if he could find one more interested in doing it.)

“The miners report that a screaming, semi-transparent Altmer, covered in weeds and soaking wet, broke into the eggmine from the lower levels.

This whole bit is confusing, and I don't like it. It's not funny, and it really doesn't matter about the stupid route Iriel took to end up with the book on Baladas' doorstep. But yes, you can get into the Gnisis eggmine via the riverbed outside town, and from there, into the Dwemer ruin and back. If he knew, Iriel would feel smug about the fact Edwinna would have tried to make him go there, on purpose, later, if she hadn't expelled him by then.

“Auri-El, what did you do to them?” Ire had heard about Telvanni methods.

While he hasn't encountered many Telvanni in Morrowind, he would have read things like this, in which Telvanni mages are notorious for being fans of inventive magical torture.

Iriel knew the score. Baladas Demnevanni was a serious Dwemer scholar, [...] He could make far better use of it than Ire ever would. And yet, something in Iriel resisted.

Iriel does know the score, and part of the score that he knows is: while Baladas is much older and more powerful, he's not technically Iriel's senior. Because Ire's not in House Telvanni, or any other structure that makes him Demnevanni's subordinate. Which Ire leaves free to resist. Sure, Baladas could take the book by magical force, but Iriel has enough pride to want to force him to do that, to not capitulate based purely on academic bluster. (Yes, of course Iriel can have a powerful and resilient scholarly ego, while simultaneously having zero self esteem. You've met academics, right?)

“It’s mine,” he said. “I found it. And I never asked you to take care of me.”

Saying this feels good. It's true: he didn't ask to be taken care of. And Baladas' reasons for doing so are cleanly self-interested, and make perfect sense to Ire. There's no messy pity involved, no need to spare the feelings of someone who thought they were being a good person, when you're too bitter and damaged to be grateful. This whole conversation is, in many ways, Iriel's ideal type of social interaction.

I will give you information about the location of Dwemer ruins on Vvardenfell, and in return, you will bring me any more books that you find there.”

The location of known Dwemer ruins on Vvardenfell is not, at this point in time, especially secret information, so Baladas is rather getting the better end of this deal. But if he wasn't, he wouldn't be making it, would he?

The only people qualified are my fellow mages, but Telvanni do not co-operate. Anything they found, they would keep for themselves.

His reasoning checks out, though, so Iriel is inclined to trust him. I really did think Ire would take him the other books at some point, and Ire himself intended to at various points, but... in the end, things got complicated. Iriel comes back to Gnisis, but not to Arvs Drelen, and he keeps all his findings to himself.

“Sweet Mara, no. I just want to be left alone to read.”

“You have just spoken the unofficial motto of House Telvanni.

The problem, I suppose, is that Ire is entirely too Telvanni at heart. It was always touch-and-go, as to whether he'd find an excuse to join the House. After all, he's perfect for it... but that's exactly why he resisted.

Iriel knows he's an obsessive, isolationist weirdo, who's probably going to end up alone in a tower, reading esoterically taboo books all day. Surrounded by robots and summoned Daedra, because that's the only level of social contact he's capable of tolerating. He knows all that, he knows exactly the sort of person he is. He just doesn't like that person. And when Telvanni start tempting him to fully embrace weird hermit mage life, he's forcefully reminded of what Telvanni are known for, and how isolating yourself with only Daedra for company makes you lose all contact with pedestrian concepts like "morality", and "not torturing people to death with lightning spells".

Clearly, Ire's being ridiculous to think his own morality is so fragile, but after the day he's had, he's feeling fragile in all sorts of ways, and unwilling to trust his own limits.

each mage seeks only solitude and freedom to continue his or her work.” [...] “Knowledge may be power,” he was declaiming, “but for some of us, it is enough that knowledge is knowledge.

And Ire's right to question the actual content of Baladas' rhetorical  flourishes: freedom to do what? Power to do what? Knowledge of what? Doesn't it matter? The Telvanni answer certainly seems to be "no". But Ire's experiences with education have left him questioning the value of the "knowledge" he obtained. Certainly, if he was supposed to convert it into power, he appears to have missed a crucial step in the process. He's not sure he wants Telvanni instruction, for taking that step.

He stood up, and began to concentrate a sphere of magicka between his hands. “Where should I send you?”

I have a question about teleportation. What are the rules? Guild guides only transport people to other guild halls, but is that restriction due to rules, or ability? UESP says that guides "maintain magical contact with their counterparts in other branches", but I can't find an ingame source for this. If true, that would explain the restriction, but I'm not sure I buy it. It's possible for a guild guide to send you into a guildhall where the "receiving" guild guide is no longer there, for example during this quest. And the mage who sends you to Mournhold in the Tribunal expansion isn't a guild guide, but sends you as a favour, since she's a "powerful mage".

So: my theory is that it's totally possible for a skilled mage to teleport people to other locations without another linked mage "catching" them, but the right location helps. Receiving chambers are magically set up in guildhalls to act as teleportation beacons, and that's the focus, rather than the other guide. This fits with how Divine and Almsivi Intervention work, not to mention Mark and Recall. Guild guides are trained to be specially attuned to these beacons, but any sufficiently powerful Mysticism expert can sling people into them, as Baladas does, here. Really powerful ones might not even need beacons, though I imagine there are exponential risks to the subject, as the location gets more distant and/or unfamiliar.

So, because it's theoretically possible, if difficult, I also think there are strict rules about where guild guides can send people, just like you can't ask the bus driver to take you anywhere you want, even if he technically could. Because teleportation would have to be a highly regulated skill! You can't just send people anywhere, that could cause all sorts of trouble.

As an aside, every guild guide in Morrowind is a beautiful woman. There's something a bit retro air stewardess about that, isn't there? Male game devs thinking women should be in travel service roles, or something? Hmm.

“Um… Ald'ruhn, please. The Mages’ Guild, for preference, but as long as you don’t teleport me inside a wall, I’ll be happy.”

Iriel's not keen to launch into his Queer Coded Villain arc, yet. So despite Baladas' blandishments, it's back to the loving arms of the Mages' Guild, for now.

“I want you to know,” Edwinna was saying, “that this is not about the Dwemer tube.

...Ah. Never mind.

“Whilst you were gone, some disturbing information came to light. When I agreed to mentor you, I was unaware of the crimes for which you were convicted in Cyrodiil. I’m sure you understand why the theft of magical artifacts is not something I can simply ignore.”

I realised something really funny just now, which is that if Edwinna has been digging into Iriel's background check, presumably through a contact at the Arcane University, then she must know Iriel is also supposed to have straight-up murdered one of his professors. But that's not what's bothering her at all!

“In addition, there is the matter of your drug abuse.

I can only assume that when Iriel took a little too long returning with the Dwemer tube, she couldn't resist the temptation to go through his bedroom. In her ensuing freak-out at finding DRUGS, it emerged that no one had ever actually looked into the squirrelly-looking Altmer's claim on application that he'd studied at the Arcane University.

Ire stopped recasting the Paralyze spell on himself

I was determined to try and find creative ways to use Illusion spells, and to some extent, that was the motive for this whole scene.

He had fully expected to burst into tears as soon as he was alone, possibly sooner, but instead, he found himself gripped by a cold fury.

So, I had planned to get Iriel expelled for a while, and originally I, like Iriel himself,  assumed that he would be devastated, because the number of times he's got himself kicked out of magical institutions is ridiculous at this point. But coming right off the conversation with Baladas, that wasn't where his head was at, at all. He was furious, and when a character gives you the gift of an unexpected emotional reaction, you always gotta lean into it, because it's one of my favourite things about writing. Iriel's vitriolic contempt for the Mages' Guild (and Edwinna Elbert in particular) gave him the motivation to do all sorts of fun things later, and really channel that "I'll show those fools at the institute!" energy. Even if he never did join House Telvanni.

At the last minute, he stopped, turned back, and retrieved Vivec’s Sermon 14 from under the bed.

On the one hand, yes, I am making fun of Iriel for considering porn* an essential, but also... not entirely? At the risk of getting too brutally real about mental illness, masturbation can be a key hammer in the mental toolbox, albeit one that tends not to get included on cute little listicles of harm-reduction coping techniques like taking bubble baths or snapping an elastic on your wrist. For people who spend their lives trying to manipulate their brains into staying above the line marked "basic functionality", orgasm can occasionally seem like the brief boost of feel-good chemicals that might kick it over that line. It is, at any rate, cheaper and safer than many alternatives, and while it's not nearly as effective as skooma, at least you don't have to fight smugglers in a cave for it. Or worse, interact with Tsiya.

*Iriel's current opinion of said text. We can make fun of him for this one.

“I’m sorry, Iriel.” Erranil shook her head, primly. “I’m no longer authorised to transport you.

It is the stupidest fucking thing that you don't have to be a member of the Mages Guild to use guild guide transportation, but if you've been expelled from the guild, they put you on a permanent no-fly list! This was often extremely annoying, ingame.

That said, it was funny to be playing the opposite of a "proper" Morrowind character, who ends up head of all the factions, including being Pope of two different religions at once. Iriel, by contrast, got expelled while still Apprentice rank in the Mages, never got past the early ranks in Thieves, and while he got one or two Imperial Cult ranks, he stopped once it wasn't going to get him laid any more.

But yes, I did get Iriel ingame-mechanically-expelled from the Mages' Guild on purpose (possibly by stealing a spoon?). For immersion. Method gamer, y'know.

next: 21: refinement & 22: fragile previous: 13: legs & 14: plan & 15: claws & 16: door

[wrongcaitlyn]

need more apollo and darren lore to see if i can relate them to back to december

you can ONE HUNDRED PERCENT relate them to back to december if you just ignore the tiny detail of them not breaking up in december (but like, who cares because it’s the VIBE that matters and in this case the vibe is definitely accurate)

i will definitely be adding more apollo and darren lore…let’s just say… archery world championships happening soon…. olympics in one year…. kayla’s an icon mastermind…..

but! some little notes in specific relation to back to december

i know you may think this is apollos pov, but after looking over the lyrics again to refresh my memory… it’s from darren’s perspective. 100%

I'm so glad you made time to see me / How's life? Tell me, how's your family? / I haven't seen them in a while

apollos family!! not referring to his dad. duh. but darren’s prob just talking abt like the 1-2 times he met will and austin as babies, he hasn’t seen them since so “a while”…. sure darren, that might be a bit of an understatement

You've been good, busier than ever / We small talk, work and the weather / Your guard is up and I know why

small talk is SO real with them. they’re so awkward esp rn. they don’t know how to talk to each other. apollo says “nice weather we’re having” completely unironically and darren responds “oh yeah it’s nice”

cue silence for like 2 minutes until apollo asks how his coaching is going and more and more stilted conversation

AND!!! they’re both busier than ever!! apollo returning to being employed (kinda? i mean, he has a job so) and darren with olympics being next year

Because the last time you saw me / Is still burned in the back of your mind / You gave me roses and I left them there to die

i don’t wanna spoil exactly how they broke up… bc me and wronghuntress had like an hour long convo abt pollen lore a few weeks back and. guys. when i tell you i am SO fucking excited to write it‼️‼️

HOWEVER. this line. is very. very. very. fitting. from darren’s pov that’s all i’m saying hereeee

bc ik in one of the other chapters i said that apollos like “i ruined his life” and he DID but also like. it’s messy. it’s so very messy.

So this is me swallowin' my pride / Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night / And I go back to December all the time

not technically in front of him but!! the phone call!! abt kayla!! him swallowing up his pride, and there wasn’t necessarily an apology for the… things that happened, but it’s a step forward

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you / Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine / I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright / I go back to December all the time

change it to march and make darren a singer instead of an archer and this would be one of his songs😭😭

These days, I haven't been sleepin' / Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin' / When your birthday passed and I didn't call / Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times / I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side / And realized I loved you in the fall

god… this timeline is actually SO real. if anyone’s making a pollen playlist out there (i should probably do that when i have timeHDKDJD) THIS SONG‼️‼️‼️

anyway ofc apollo is associated with summer in darren’s brain… and also apollo def thinks of summer too when thinking of darren :)

and oh yeah, ofc apollo’s in the passenger seat. bro probably grew up with drivers and doesn’t have his license.. rip sun chariot!!! (he gets his license eventually, ofc, but only bc it’s to drive will to school)

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile / So good to me, so right

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

i mean, do these even need to be explained? well darren, i can assure you that you WILL love again. it’s what we all need

okay so. i can’t really. explain the rest of this stuff. but here are the lyrics that stand out to me SOOO much because of how they broke up. that is all i can say for now!!

And then the cold came, the dark days / When fear crept into my mind / You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

And how you held me in your arms that September night / The first time you ever saw me cry

thank you so much for the ask!! it’s been a while since some pollen content but i swear it’s coming soon :))

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Another Level: Playlist Reveal

I'm in a posty mood today lol and the next part will be posted today as well, but I'm trying to get ahead again because I've felt so behind lately and I'm gonna be honest that Innate Issues really had me in a blocked state for a while...

But, Show Your Hand should be posted later today! 😊

Read Another Level on AO3 💕

Anyway, for the playlist reveal: Time - NF

This entire song is one I feel fits both of them perfectly because they both really just fucking need time. It's why they aren't in an established relationship yet, because neither of them are truly ready for it.

And this song is also one I feel represents their conflicts well, because at the end of the day, or night, or whenever their conflict is, they'll be okay.

They both have so many issues and so much trauma and it's horrible to see but the growth they go through is wonderful and so empowering and encouraging that they make it.

There are two specific pieces I think of, the first being:

That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul

This is both of them sometimes. And the other:

Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree

While Rinko's instinct is to run, there are times when she will fight, obviously. And with Gojo, when they fight, she doesn't back down. Because in a lot of cases, she knows she's right and she knows that he knows she's right.

But again, at the end of it all, they're going to be okay.

A note under the cut:

I've noticed a lot of comments about how we use fiction to escape reality and angst can really ruin that for us, and my sweet readers, I relate SO HARD. And that's one thing I try to keep in mind when I write it. I want it to be natural with the story, not feeling forced or out of place, but I also don't want to drag it out or cut it too short.

The trouble with angst is that it can make us, as the reader, feel the same emotions as the character because humans are naturally empathetic. And if you draw it out, that can be exhausting for the reader and they can end up feeling strung along or manipulated, meaning they are no longer interested in reading. But the flip side is that if you cut it off before a natural conclusion, it feels wrong. It feels hurried and unresolved and unfinished. And THAT my dear readers, is why I try really hard to make sure that, especially with Rinko and Gojo, the conclusion and resolution of any angst between them feels right and it feels like how they would really get through it.

Conflict is normal. It's natural to have disagreements as people because it genuinely isn't healthy to only be surrounded by people who always agree with you. Rinko and Gojo work so well together because they can disagree and still know that it doesn't change things about their friendship as a whole.

Rinko knows she can tell him if she thinks he's being stupid or she completely disagrees, and he knows the same for her.

I heard a marriage counselor once say that fighting can actually be a good sign because it's at least communicating in some way. As soon as you stop fighting and there's only silence, it's even harder to repair because that means that someone has given up on trying to repair or communicate anymore. Obviously, this isn't always the case, but it can be in some situations.

ANYWAY that's my rant. Thank you guys for reading and I'm grateful to everyone enjoying Another Level and Rinko and Gojo's story!

Have a wonderful day 💕💕

[bzedan]

[ID: An edit of the Parmigianino painting Cupid Making His Bow, showing a figure from the back, mid-buttcrack up, leaning over, braced against an unfinished bow. They are looking over their shoulder and have the head and tail of Garfield in cartoony contrast to the late Renaissance painting style of the body and wings. The figure is also Garfield orange. A script tattoo on one buttcheeck reads "February 2024." /end ID]

Listen, last year I did two hours and twenty-eight minutes and when I hit two hours and fourteen minutes this year I was like "whatever, print it." Also I liked how they hung together and some life stuff kind of meant that what I needed was a very loopable couple hours, not a curated several hours. I think every time I hear a Donavan song I go "this is my favourite" but it's more like "this is my favourite right now." More love and relationship type songs because you can't get away from that in music tbh, but also it's a fun thing to theme around.

Related media to some of the songs:

"Oh Snap" has some muddy origins, like any phrase. Wild in this article to see that as of this 2009 article it had worn its ironic welcome.

'Heartbeat' by Riggs is from Heavy Metal (1981), well not *from* the movie, but was in the movie, which is so specifically of its genre and era and also so specifically for me, who ended up with a sizable Loc-Nar tattoo. I think you can gauge pretty quick if a deeply '80s metal animated movie is for you and it conveniently is available on Archive.

It was a wet month here, hence all the rain songs, I hate linking to Insta, but latimes.404 had a nice little rundown of stats. The 1933 record mentioned is why we have such monster flood abatement where we live. I can’t remember which Raymond Chandler story it is but one scene takes place in a house that had been swept down a hill by a community ruining flood and THATS the record mentioned in the video. That’s why every four way stop is crossed with gutters that bottom out your car.

Bump of Chicken! 'Sleep Walking Orchestra' slaps. I am a Delicious In Dungeon/Dungeon Meshi fan (vol 13 and 14 on preorder, bb!), it's as specific as Heavy Metal, so I guess decide if you want a cooking manga/anime that is also very intense, and monster-nerdy. (and also kind of horny). Anyway, the official video is a more all-ages delight.

Anyway here's a link to February's playlist on Spotify, with the track list below the cut.

And embedded, if you like that:

'Sometimes' - Nick Lutsko

'There's No Love in February' - The Orion Experience

'Riki Tiki Tavi' - Donovan

'For What It's Worth' - Buffalo Springfield

'Downtown' - Petula Clark

'Braveheart - Original Mix' - DJ Sammy

'Magnify' - Real McCoy

'Everybodies Girl' - Dwarves

'Wildflowers' - Tom Petty

'Lost Souls/Eelings' - TR/ST

'Nightmare' - Dead On A Sunday

'Boy Problems' - Carly Rae Jepsen

'Gotta Get Up' - Harry Nilsson

'One Night/All Night' - Justice

'Brand New Key' - Melanie

'Crockett's Theme' - Jan Hammer

'Baby I'm Burnin' - Disco Mix' - Dolly Parton

'No One Dies From Love' - Tove Lo

'Just a Friend' - Biz Markie

'Cupid' - Sam Cooke

'Angela's Theme ("You're Just What I've Been Looking For")' - ET TU'

'So This Is Love - From "Cinderella"' - Ilene Woods

'If You Should Try To Kiss Her' - Dressy Bessy

'Horizon' - 1991

'Selfish Soul' - Sudan Archives

'What's Love (feat. MUNA)' - Empress Of

'The Beat Goes On' - Sonny & Cher

'Slow Ride' - Foghat

'Walking In The Rain' - Grace Jones

'Heartbeat - Soundtrack Version' - Riggs

'No Matter What - Remastered 2010' - Badfinger

'Raindrop' - Tripping Daisy

'It Never Rains in Southern California' - Albert Hammond

'Your Heart Is A Muscle' - Carly Rae Jepsen

'A Central Rain Melody' - Bart Graft

'Sleep Walking Orchestra' - BUMP OF CHICKEN

'Novocaine For The Soul' - Eels

'Parasites' - Ugly Casanova

'Haunted House' - Sir Babygirl

[squarebracketsmileyface]

if you liked Don't Blame Me you should listen to the rest of the album, Are We There Yet? the entire thing is about breakups and the cycle of toxic love! not only does the music absolutely fuck but it'll ruin you

I've listened through the album once in the background of doing other things, so I wasn't paying much attention to the lyrics. I should listen to it properly, because if it's about break ups and toxic love it'll be perfect for my Sorry It's Locked playlist

OKAY I'm back having relistened to the whole album. And this got long soooooo hiding it so it looks neater.

Romanticise This????? Alex's pov on breaking Jay's heart and betraying him. "God forbid that I romanticise this"? Like, as far as I'm concerned, Alex romanticises breaking Jay's heart through believing that it was the only choice he had to save him, he was doing it for the greater good.

You Are Here, i love this one so much and it makes me think of the entry 80 and onward fic idea I have for the sorry It's locked universe, where both Jay and Alex have kinda done a little healing (mostly Jay if i'm being honest, Alex if fucked) and they meet again under the circumstances of, yknow, entry 80. Jay's trying to kinda talk Alex out of killing him, and like, is just kinda realising how much he's had to change for them both to be here in this moment, but he also realises upon seeing Alex that he hasn't changed enough.

Idk I think it's more the general vibes of the song than the lyrics in this one but I still love it.

"You are here, And so am I, So come for a moment, And stay for a while" I think this bit is the most lyrically similar to the fic idea, like, Jay's going to not be able to bring himself to push Alex away even after he's shot him and they'll just both stay there together until Jay dies in Alex's arms.

In Between, Alex again, like, just, thinking about everything that came before, back when they were in Uni together. Like, him thinking about the things he'd do differently now (if all the shit with the Operator wasn't happening) Especially the chorus with the, like, wanting to "be like you" and "be with you" like, Alex kinda admiring Jay in a way I guess? Like, I'm thinking admiring Jay's ability to, like, be vaguely more open about his sexuality than Alex ever was. I'm terrible at analysis. THEY'RE MY BABIES AND THIS SONG MAKES ME GO "ALEX ARARARARARARARARARARA" there we go.

Then like, the last verse where it's like the chorus but changed a little? That's like Alex in the entry 80 fic idea realising how badly he fucked everything up and how there's no way to fix it now. He can't be like Jay, he can't be with Jay.

On The Other Side, more Alex, except it's Alex finally kinda losing it and realising he is very much not in control of himself or the Operator, and that the Operator is pretty much conpletely in control of his actions, or like, the thought processes that inform his actions. Specifically the end of the song I think, tho like, the whole "You wont find me on the other side" feels almost like he's resigned himself to hell after death, whereas everyone he's killed (and eventually Jay because he's realising he'll have to kill jay too now) won't be there with him. He's like, resigning himself to being okay with that reality.

The whole "I'll sleep in the eye of the storm" line to me feels like it could be about the Operator kinda. Like, the Operator is the storm, and Alex is sleeping in the eye of it, as in, staying close to it and kinda doing what it says (while also trying to still save people from it) is the best way to keep himself alive for longer so he can "save" more people from it in the end. I think that makes sense? God knows. I'm tired and terrible as song analysis.

Once again: Alex ararararrarararararrarararararararrarar

Okay. I'm done. My apologies for ranting I just love this fic SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much that any chance I get to talk about it, I will talk until my jaw falls off because oh my GOD I love these characters so fucking much.

Denial, Jam Jam Jam Jam Jam Jam. Jam. Idk, this just feels like Jam in Sorry It's Locked. Specifically because as great (comparatively) as their relationship is there are still issues they're ignoring/staying in denial of. They definitely hook up too quick, they definitely need to talk things through more before they have sex, but they don't because they really don't have the time for that. They're making the best of a shit situation and as much as Tim would like to be sensible, he'd also like to do stuff before one or both of them ends up dead. They try to talk about stuff after they hook up but "How can we speak with all our clothes on the floor?"

"Say what you need and you can stay for a while, Say what I like so I can stay in denial" Jay talking to Tim methinks. He's just trying to forget everything. Everything that happened with Alex, everything that's happening with the Operator. He just wants something he can use to pretend his life is normal.

"Won't you come away with me? And water 'til we're overgrown" Tim being so very hopeful that they'll get out of this alive and well and they'll be able to grow older together.

"So just hypothetically, Will you be the death of me?" As much as they like each other, they definitely don't fully trust each other. In their situation they can't, so they're definitely wary of the other being the literal death of them lmaooooo. But also 'oh you'll be the death of me' in the fun cute way because like, sometimes they can pretend things are normal and their relationship is normal and came about in a normal way.

[minquiec]

songs that I've convinced myself are abt jipunk

Cause I'm utterly mental and I need more content abt them for myself so like I'm gonna list out all the songs I have abt them with specific lyrics that especially tickle that certain part of my brain heehehhaahahahhh

Some remind me more than others so I'm gonna put a 🍊 next to it

might update this as I go yauayyayayy

seasons - wave to earth 🍊

this is THE song for them

- 'If I could be by your side, I'll give you all my life, my seasons'

- 'I can't be your love, because I'm afraid I'll ruin your life'

i wanna be yours - artic monkeys 🍊

tbh this is just my fav song of all time

- 'secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide then I thought'

london boy - taylor swift 🍊

c'mon yalls self explanatory KAKAK

- 'you know I love a london boy, I enjoy walking camden market in the afternoon'

yellow - coldplay 🍊

I caNNOT believe I forgot about this song until like recently and I heard it and I was like 🤯

- 'I came along, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do'

- 'and you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry'

- 'cause you were all yellow'

[remember how I said in my other post how if jia was a colour she'd be yellow yEAAH THE STARS R ALIGNING]

mine - taylor swift 🍊

there's. quite a lot of taylor swift in my playlist HAHS this leans more to modern au but it can still apply generally

- 'do you remember we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time'

- 'you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, you are the best thing that's ever been mine' [HEAVY ON THIS LYRIC]

sparks fly - taylor swift

yes taylor again

- 'you're the kinda reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won't get far'

paper rings - taylor swift

yes YES TAYLOR THE THIRD ONE IN A ROW THE THIRD WEEK IN A ROWW

- 'I hate accidents, except for when we went from friends to this'

I miss you - soyou 🍊

THIS SONG cause it reminds me more of the in every lifetime thing they have going on

[transl lyrics from good old google search]

- 'did you go round and round to come to me? this love is unavoidable'

- 'even if I'm born many times, wherever you hide, I'll find you'

- 'let's never separate again, beside me, don't go away'

daisy - wave to earth

- 'my daisy, it's my happiness to run into you'

can you see my heart - heize

there's not rlly a specific lyric this song just makes me sad HAHSHA

pasilyo - sunkissed lola

ik this is more of a wedding song and they wouldn't rlly get yk MARRIED but STILL I LOVE THIS SONG SO SHH

kisame - rhodessa

very jia pov based

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'but why are you so far away? can I be yours?'

lover - YES TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN LEAVE ME BEEE 🍊

- 'have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?'

- 'can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever'

binibini - zack tabudlo

also habang buhay I love that song too

boyfriend - ariana grande

THIS MOSTLY APPLIES TO HIGHSCHOOL AU BUT IG IT WORKS FOR ATSV TOO?

- 'you ain't my boyfriend, I ain't your girlfriend but you don't want me to see nobody else, I don't want you to see nobody else'

- 'damn, baby, I'm a train wreck too, I lose my mind when it comes to you, I don't want a smile if it ain't from you'

- 'cause I know we be so complicated, loving you sometimes drives me crazy'

in your time - lee suhyun 🍊

I LOVE this song it's so sad and angsty but anyways this song is mostly for like,, the sadder aus like jade coin or grim swallow

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'after meeting you once again, I'm find the pieces of you that have been erased'

- 'I'm holding onto you, I'm still living in your time'

- 'I'm afraid you're still waiting for me'

here I am - jo hyun ah

same gist as in your time, sad songs -> sadder aus

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'I'm lost looking for you'

- 'here I am, always in the same place'

- 'still I am, waiting for you'

katawaredoki - radwimps

LITERALLY AN INSTRUMENTAL ANYWAYS

summertime sadness - lana del ray 🍊

this song literally makes me so sad for no reason but this is mostly abt uhh jade coin au

- 'kiss me hard before you go'

- 'I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight'

- 'think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky'

stay with me - chanyeol, punch 🍊

SO obsessed w this song

[transl lyrics from google]

- 'my heart’s beating it goes, when I look at you so close, I’m finding it hard to breathe, even when you’re not around'

- 'my heart was heading towards you'

- 'feels like I’ve loved you from a long time ago'

- 'the other half of my being'

daylight - david kushner

for grim reaper and swallow au *throws up blood and tears*

- 'oh I love it and I hate it at the same time, hiding our sins from the daylight'

paruparo - sugarcane 🍊

THIIIS SONNNGGG props to oomf for introducing and translating LITERALLY THE WHOLE SONG I literally can't get this song out of my head rn

[transl lyrics from aech1gwen on tiktok]

- 'you are my past, present and future'

[I'd copy and paste the entire lyrics if I could but for technical reasons I'll just put this one cause AAYGEGGGAGGQ 💔💔💔]

kumpas - moira dela torre 🍊🍊🍊

I haven't even known this song for half a day and im already gonna cry over it recommended by the same person who transl'd paruparo for me :))) godsend fr (I'm literally about to cry)

[transl lyrics from aech1gwen sent thru DMS ueue)

- 'I didn't think you would arrive suddenly without warning'

- 'you are my compass when I'm lost'

- 'even if you aren't aware you have saved me many times now'

[HEAVY ON THIS ONE AUGEHGEH]

- 'in an instant, I had changed. I can't bear to be away from you'

- 'you are my first and last'

[IM LITERALLY GOIGN TO CRY AUDINFHCHEB ID POST THE WHOLE SONG IF I COULD BUT YK]

timeless - taylor swift 🍊

this song is so good

- 'The kind of love you only find once in a lifetime'

- 'and somehow I know you and I would've found each other'

- 'in another life you still would've turned my head'

- 'so even in a different life, you still would've been mine'

- 'story of a romance torn apart by fate'

- 'hundreds of years ago, they fell in love like we did'

- 'and I'd die for you in the same way'

桃花诺 - G.E.M

non eng love songs are so 😢💔😨🤧🙏😭❓❓🕯️💥🚶🏌️💥🥲

cupid's chokehold/breakfast in america - gym class heroes

THIS SONG IS CUTE IDK the song just loves the gf sm and it's so ☹️☹️💔

- I mean she even cooks me pancakes and alka seltzers when my tummy aches' THIS LYRIC IS SO CJTE TO ME IDK WHY

- we even got a secret handshake and she loves the music that my band makes'

- 'if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun'

- 'i can tell by the way she says my name'

- 'but I know as soon as I get home, and I take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor, she'll be back in my arms for sure'

[THE WHOLE SONG TBH ITS SO AJSJJS ☹️☹️☹️]

the night we met - lord huron

Holy shit this song hurts me

- 'i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you'

- 'i don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you'

stars burn out - cykim

Pls go listen to this

OKAY I think that's all for now unless I missed some which I probably have cause of my big age 🏌️

[humblemooncat]

Ki'to is the one I know of yours the most so far and I like his polycule so..

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have five of them for whenever you feel the need! Ki'to or polycule related! I'll take any, I love songs.

I have been given a blessing this day, for I too love songs

In no specific order, have all 5 under the cut. <3

Famous by Skillet

This song was shoved into Ki'to's playlist specifically for his relationship with G'raha from the beginning of EW.

I testify, this is not a secret meant to keep Your love, like fire, spreading from my heart straight to my feet

And when I was dead, you gave me new life I'm lifting you up with all of my might I don't care who's to the left, to the right You're all that's on my mind Don't really care what they say, what they think I feel so alive

Listen, Ki'to was SO giddy when he pulled Raha out of that tower. After thinking he was lost to him, the excitement he felt was probably more than it should have been. But it was what he felt, and it was expressed as such. For the first week or so after, he would not leave Raha's side. The PDA got to the point where Alisaie dragged him away by the collar and told him to tone it down. They're way better with it now but hoo boy. This song just gives me that feeling in my chest I know he was feeling at that point.

Hollywood's Bleeding by Post Malone

This is THE Post-banquet song for Ki'to. For that whole flashback, you can read it here. But I'll go over these in chunks here as well.

Everyone's gone, but no one's leavin' Nobody left but us

As Ki'to lingers outside the ruins, Alphinaud begging him to hurry, all he can think of is everyone who stayed behind.

Outside, the winter sky turnin' grey City up in smoke, it's only ash when it rains

This is more the transition to Coerthas. The banquet felt like fire and smoke encircling and threatening to consume him. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe, his mind was spinning. He could barely discern snow from ash.

It seem like dying young is an honor But who'd be at my funeral? I wonder

It really did seem like the whole world was against him at that point. All of his friends gone save for a lone few. Who would mourn the Warrior of Light if he died then?

I go out, and all they eyes on me I show out, do you like what you see? And now they closin' in on me Let 'em sharpen all they teeth

Never before had Ki'to been so ready to fight anyone who even looked at him the wrong way. Every unknown face was an enemy. It took a WHILE for his hackles to finally relax.

Resurrection by TeZATalks

This is one of the songs I chose to encapsulate ShB for Ki'to.

I'm made from the root of a God's mind Holy darkness follows me close behind

Knowing what we know of Venat now, the first line here speaks to me. As for the second, Holy darkness makes a lot of sense with our mission on the First.

I'm rude but I'll give 'till my last dime Real love stays even for the fight All eyes on me, is that right? Well, let me show you why we all cry Sometimes, sometimes, yeah

Ki'to was willing to give his all to bring back the night. With every Lightwarden the light became heavier to bear, but even if it pushed him to tears he was going to press on. He had to. His loved ones were counting on him to save them.

When your heart's on fire and bleeding In a world of faceless demons, fight to see them Hell will come for the one whose soul reveals it But don’t break, back down; don't move, rise now, the real truth This is only the beginning of my true resurrection

At first glance you might think "Oh, faceless demons? Sin eaters?" Nah. This cluster of lyrics is about Amaurot. About the shades, the illusions of those he loves, Emet-Selch...

"This is only the beginning of my true resurrection" alluding to his own rejoining with another shard of his soul. Hades recognizing Azem at last.

Light by Nathan Wagner

This song I dedicate to the Ataiascope & Mothercrystal section of EW. Specifically the relationship between Ki'to and Hydaelyn.

I know you feel that it's too late That all these chains have you enslaved Just hang on Gonna see the truth

I feel this as him telling her all this was not a futile effort. That they will prevail and every effort she made to forestall the end of days was not in vain.

See I was falling into gray I lost my friend I couldn't save her

Post-Mothercrystal vibes, especially when reuniting with Krile.

Body ached my body bruised was crying out I need a savior And you came and healed my bones you picked me up and walked me home Said; you'll never be alone just lift your eyes I'll make you whole So darling please keep hanging on we're on our way to break the dawn Just a minute hold your ground father send your spirit down

His thanks to Hydaelyn for being there when he needed her (when she could), and a promise that he will be there for her as well.

Come, shine, shine, shine Shine your light Light, light, light Oh shine, shine, shine Shine your light, light, light Let there be Let there be Let there be Let there be Let there be light

This just gives me the mental image of him before her form after they prove themselves, just... begging for her to be okay. But knowing full well her light was spent.

Ki'to loved Hydaelyn/Venat like his own mother. To say he was heartbroken when she was gone would be an understatement. But in the back of his mind he was happy she'd finally be able to rest.

Home by Jacob Lee

And we'll end off with Ki'to's dedication to his husbands. <3

Each verse is dedicated to one of them:

Aymeric

I found love in a moment I watched your breath as it touched the wind As it painted the open air And it came to rest on my skin I don't know if you noticed But I found my heart in that moment

G'raha

I've found home There we lay by the water Almost asleep as I heard you say "I don't know if we're meant to be Though this certainly feels like fate" I don't know if you noticed But I fell in love in that moment

Estinien

As we stood by the ocean You reached for my hand and you said my name Every word I heard poetry I saw laughter upon your face I don't know if you noticed But I left my heart in that moment

And the bridge is dedicated to all three of them. <3

I've found home In my arms as you wake up (Home) In each direction this takes us (Home) In every breath that I make I'll know I've found home, I've found home Whether we lie in or stay up late I feel like we could just talk for days Through every hour I lay awake, all I know Is I've found home (Ohh, ohh) I've found home

[maenecoon]

Thanks for KimChay brainrot, now every song I listen to reminds me of them. Specific shoutout to (sorry for the basic taste in music):

Lady Gaga - Just Dance (post-break-up), Monster (general vibes)

Mabel - Don't Call Me Up (post-break-up) (You can say I'm a big proponent of "Chay should have been allowed to slut it up longer")

Rihanna - What's My Name? (I originally hated this song but a friend recently sent me a version of it without Drake and I immediately loved it lol Turns out it was the rap part that kept ruining the song for me), Skin (Chay should get to tease Kim a bit, as a treat)

The Weeknd - Blinding Lights (post-break-up, Kim's POV)

J Balvin & Bad Bunny - QUÉ PRETENDES (post-break-up Chay, except he is very mean to Kim here lol)

Dua Lipa - Break My Heart (Kim's POV, I believe my dude fell for Chay REAL fast from the start)

cupcaKKe - CPR (okay, this is just for pure smut value, also I love this song and it never fails to make me grin like an idiot when I'm in a bad mood)

Mystery Skulls - Paralyzed

Finger Eleven - Paralyzer

Fall Out Boy - Just One Yesterday

One True God - Love Lockdown

Alan Walker - Faded

Rasputina - Hunter's Kiss (Obsessed with the idea of Hunter!Kim and Prey/Deer!Chay 👉👈)

MOTHICA - LAST CIGARETTE

AViVA - THE SAINT AND THE SINNER

Glass Animals - Helium

Sade - The Sweetest Taboo

Billy Joel - The Stranger (back when Kim thought something sinister was going on after finding out about Porsche and Porchay's relation but still managing to fall for Chay)

Raleigh Ritchie - Bloodsport '15

Dermot Kennedy - Power Over Me

Ursine Vulpine - Wicked Game

BONUS: The Rigs - All the King's Men for Porsche because he is my fav protagonist of all times, even if I'm mostly consumed by KimChay.

holy hecK how did i miss this!!!! the next time i write, i'm gonna put all this in a playlist, thank you so so so so much for putting this together 😻😻😻

[mothman-can-write]

Yeah it’s like my hands are itching to just paint or draw something on them but also I just got them and don’t wanna risk ruining them ig. The patchwork pants should keep me at bay for a little while. On a scale of 1-10 tho, how much of a crime would it be to paint those iconic yellow stitches red?

And yes you’ve definitely captured that cozy vibe in your writing, I’m reading the story slowly on purpose because I never want it to end.

I’ve also been listening to the playlist you’ve made for it, the A side at least. Half of the songs were already in my playlist and so far there’s only 1 song I didn’t like, this is basically the perfect playlist for me.

we’ve got a little ask chain going now, it sorta feels like having a conversation at the front of a room haha! i also say do whatever you want with the boots, you can always pain them again if you dont like it! as for the stitches - colour those bitches red, that sounds sick and showing off brands means nothing

It’s like you’re TRYING to make me cry with these compliments :’) i love it when i can share music with people, and that fic has such a specific theme track in my head when i was writing it. i am curious though… what was the one song you didnt like? my best guess at the most divisive song on there is probably st bernard….

[krikeymate]

The diary of jane by breaking benjamin as a sam and tara song? Now, technically the diary of jane is about romantic unrequited love, but it could also easily be platonic (which is what im veiwing it as, a platonic sibling relationship, specifically sam and taras when it was strained)

Some examples!

- "if i had to, i would put myself right beside you, so let me ask would you like that? Would you like that?" Being tara wanting to put herself next to sam when sam was struggling after the diary, but sam not wanting her to (maybe? My thoughts on this one were really hard to put into words)

- "somethings getting in the way, somethings just about to break, i will try to find my place in the diary of jane" the 'somethings getting in the way' part would be the secret of sams father being billy getting in the way of sam and taras relationship, 'somethings just about to break' could be sam, after finding out, about to break from the stress,  and 'i will try to find my place in the diary of jane' being tara trying to refind her place in sams life after their relationship was ruined due to sam finding out about billy

- "try to find out, what makes you tick as i lie down" could instead be 'what made you tick' which would be tara trying to figure out what caused sam to break (after sam had hit her breaking point and started drinking, smoking, etc.)

- "as i burn another page, as i look the other way, i still try to find my place in the diary of jane" 'as i burn another page' could be used as a metaphor (or whatever its called) for as the years go by, and 'as i look the other way' could be tara, looking the other way on whats going on with sam because she thinks its what sam wants and knows sam wont tell her, and again, 'i still try to find my place in the diary of jane' is tara trying to find her new place in sams life

- "desperate i will crawl, waiting for so long, no love, theres no love" being the first attack, when amber was going after tara, 'desperate i will crawl' being tara being desperate to get away and trying to crawl, the 'waiting for so long, no love, theres no love' would be tara thinking back on how long she waited for sam to come back, before realizing that she wont and thinking its cause sam doesnt love her

- "die for anyone, what have i become?" Could be after they killed the ghostfaces, wondering what they've had to become to kill them so brutally (mainly after 7) and obviously, they would both risk their life to save eachother, which doesn't equal anyone, cause they dont veiw eachother as just anyone, but its the closest i could think of to that lyric

I dont know if songs relation to characters interests you, but if it does i have a whole document on it i could talk about lol (and im in the process of constructing a playlist on it)

Listen, I love reappropriating romantic things to be platonic, because platonic love is just as strong and worthy.

"if i had to, i would put myself right beside you, so let me ask would you like that? Would you like that?" - I would be there for you, do you want that, do you want me there? Tara wanted to be there for Sam while she was struggling, and in the end she does put herself right there beside her, during 6. She chooses to stay, to help her fight.

I really like what you've said here, you should definitely link your own playlist once you're done!! Traditionally I'm not actually all that into reading into music (I'm not that clever/observant tbh), but here I am with a fandom music tag now so, I guess I'm learning lol.

[keeperofthebox]

sunny made a post about songs so i shall do it too since it gave me the courage 😌 here's 1 out of 2 lyric annotations of the most replayed songs on my bon voyage playlist... i'll type out the second one in a bit ^_^

our song - radiator hospital

this song is about getting cheated on which isn't quite adrien's situation but the imagery brought up in the lyrics really really just makes me think of him 😭

btw this might be LONG

chapter 2 specifically but really any moment in the fic where chat noir is begging marinette to look at him or touch him or pay attention to him and she isn't and he knows it's because of "adrien". but he still HATES it. but he knows that she is exhausted because everything going on is insane but he still can't help but make it a self-put-down because he is SPIRALLING

when she left to go stand on the roof of felix's apartment building to talk to "adrien" 😭😭😭 any time she would have briefly interacted with "adrien" while they were in paris dealing with one of their friends or her family getting akumatized 😭😭😭 chat noir has stood there and watched his girlfriend turn into that shy awkward marinette he's used to and leave to get privacy with "her boyfriend" so. many. times. over the course of their journey. but mostly i think of when she went to take that phone call

he's BITTER he's RESENTFUL because he wants marinette to look at him, he doesn't feel loved or cared for, he's starved for attention so he does often feel like she's not loving him right even though considering their situation that's not fair 😭😭😭 because she doesnt know his identity under the mask 😭😭😭

and like i said its NOT fair so he feels SO guilty for having these kinds of thought spirals. everything hes doing makes him feel guilty. hes being so hot and cold with her and sending such mixed signals.

+ "you know i won't"... he's subconsciously thinking of all the grand and dramatic things he's done for her as chat noir and ladybug as proof of his devotion to her & their cause. and he hasn't processed how all of the times ladybug REJECTED him after those gestures is affecting him right now. he feels like that same guy throwing a temper tantrum over her not being open enough with him, and coming back to her every time with his tail between his legs. she should know he'd never hold it against her he's loved her so much this whole time and there's like this hurting resentful self hatey tone to it and AGH

TIBET BABY. his feelings about that DAMN SLEEP MASK!!!! any time they have to get up immediately to go deal with an akuma. any time he woke up and ladybug was ignoring him or out doing something. every other morning like how they trade off on who's transformed 😭

when she finally cuddled him after days and days of him suggesting it and he felt like he was on top of the entire world and having the best time of his life but he was the only one feeling that elated... and then that moment being destroyed when marinette confronted him about what happened in chapter 3 at felix's apartment 😭😭😭

he is trying to lift marinette's burdens on top of his own and it's crushing him

THIS TIME the "if you're thinking that we're through" is about felix's major fuckup in chapter 4 😭 chat noir wont blame her if she needs to dump "adrien" over that

literally this is just. literally. marinette is struggling she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and although adrien is trying to help her carry it i don't think he understands it fully because he's so lost and confused with his own issues (which is FAIR he is FOURTEEN 😭😭😭)

but when he does see those moments of how sad she is like... he cant comfort her the way he wants to because he's chat noir to her. not adrien. he can't make a sound he has to just lay there paralyzed because if he moves to console her the way he wants everything will be ruined

in chapter 5 when he's briefly convinced marinette is going to leave him for luka 😭😭😭 the perceived betrayal of her hugging him. its objectively fine that she was hugging him adrien was just freaking Out. because he'd been thinking over and over in different ways "marinette is going to leave me for luka" working himself up into a panic and then she hugs luka and it was like seeing a worst nightmare prophecy get fulfilled

two things... first, him running immediately after the luka hug. sort of like "marinette is definitely going to leave me and marry luka and i'm not gonna stick around and watch". but more importantly, him creating distance between himself and marinette after that situation gets resolved. he still wants marinette more than anything and it is her inability to truly "see" him at the heart of the issue but hes the one saying hes gotta go

but he loves her so he can't accept that he blames her for any of it

if you actually read this far thank you sfghjshf hope you enjoyed me being unhinged about my Own Blorbo

[theerastour]

saw ur post!!! want to debate random things, and just give my honest humble tumblr opinions!!! ❤️💙💜

1- cake is not as good as other desserts!

2- me is an amazing song and it did what taylor wanted to do. if ppl didn’t bug her it woulda been on the set list

3- boneless wings are glorified chicken nuggets

4- ur such a cool tumblr

5- water is the best liquid 🙏

6- drag queens help children more than conservatives who hate drag ppl

7- music isn’t made like those club songs in the 2000-2010s! lemme see that thong, and those rebooks with da fur

8- ppl could do such fun things with lamps- tapestries, fancy bulbs, and we sleep on it. give me fancy eclectic lamps all day long

9- ppl who don’t do something because it’s ‘too popular’ bug me so much! just like taylor swift. just admit how bob ross makes the best clouds. just put on game of thrones. it won’t kill you

10- flannel should be for all seasons- not just primarily fall!

11- ur so cool! i love following you

12- it’s fine for some ppl to be to scared and use anonymous mode. i’m shy but still want you to see my opinions. don’t get mad, i’ll cry.

13- 3 types of mustaches. the 🌽stache, the pervy 🥸, and the mario stache 🍄

14- kindness is hotter than anything! ^ specifically mustaches lmao

15- it’s easier to be productive at night for me!

16- judging a book by its cover isn’t bad if you have good instincts! i’m kinda judgy but it’s helped me know bad from good

17- i don’t like ppl sharing VERY big opinions on things they aren’t educated in! like, stop talking about how vaccines kill kids when you got a degree in English in 1994 and have just been at home with the kids since then. stop. it’s annoying. do researcher!

18- i’m so awesome. it’s not an opinion or hot take. it’s a fact.

19- we shouldn’t pressure ppl to have perfect manicured lawns. it’s hard to keep up with! it’s fine to be overgrown.

lemme know if you’re in love with me and you agree!

omg anon so sorry I didn't see this!! I'm gonna respond with my thoughts on all of these

no I love cake! what dessert is better to you?

wholeheartedly agree. I think it's perfect and (spelling is) FUN

yes but I like boneless wings so...sue me

safdklkdsl so are you!!! (that's so nice thank you!!)

water truly is superior, I love it!!!

facts!!!! drag queens reading in libraries to kids makes me so happy, like do people not realize it's about self expression and empowerment?? isn't that what we want for kids?

facts my 2000s bops playlist just hits on a whole new level

huh, didn't think much about this until now. you're onto something...

I feel that, ppl get that superiority complex if they don't like something popular and it's like bestie it doesn't matter

I do love flannels, so comfy

askjfdsljskl <3

oh of course! the hateful anons ruin it for the ppl who genuinely just wanna connect!

I'm confused??

true!! can't be with you if you're not kind (especially to others and behind closed doors!)

same, I don't feel fully awake until like 4pm

oh true, I've gotten out of scary situations by trusting my gut and going based on instinct

yes, ppl love to act like they know lots about everything. it's ok to say you believe whatever you want but don't be surprised if someone comes in with factual info against it

hahah love the confidence!

if I ever own a house I want a clover lawn so bad!!!