#i say that as if i hadnt made the same mistake

[orcelito]

Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

[ariscats]

Jameson analyzes part 2: Traumas (or a very long rant against Emily Laughin, who I cant be bother to learn how to spell her last name)

“Cause I've made some real big mistakes/ But you make the worst one look fine/ I should've known it was strange/ You only come out at night/ I used to think I was smart/ But you made me look so naive/ The way you sold me for parts/ As you sunk your teeth into me, oh/ Bloodsucker, famefucker/ Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire”

So there is this girl, who comes at his house every summer and has a heart diesse. She cant live so everyone has to do whatever she asks to make it up for it. Then one day she gets a surgery and now she gets to live, and who is her ticket to living? Jameson and Grayson.

Emily is his first kiss. However, 3 seconds after SHE KISSES HIS BROTHER WHO HE ALREADY INSECURE ABOUT BECAUSE OF HIS F. GRANDFATHER. And you have to be pretty dumd to not realize that what emily really wanted in the scene is Grayson to kiss her and she just used Jameson because she could (I still can’t believe that Emily did “loved” Gray more than Jameson).

Then she moves to his city and goes to his school. And, as far as a bitch she is, she must have been rl something because she became the most popular girl at school.

(Now, this is where things get tricky. I’m going to use the version fo what I believe happened. If you have another version you can picture like that)

Then they start dating. They borh want to live and do things because they can rather because they should. She got her golden ticket to freedom and he got the attention he’s been craving his whole life. They do everything together because she wants more and he wants more and nothing is never enough for them. So Jameson takes her to do everything they have the right to because Jameson is, at te end of the day, a good boyfriend.

But, its still not enough for Emily. Because she goes after fucking Grayson AND HE DOES THE SAME TING AS JAMESON BECAUSE THEY ARE THE OPOSITE SIDE OF THE SAME COIN.

Then they start fighting. Best friends for their whole life, but they slowly start to hate each other because fucking Emily turned everything INTO A GAME, MAKING LOVE A GAME THE SAME WAY TJEIR FAMILY HAS BEEN TRAUMATAZING THEM THEIR WHOLE LIFES. AND SHE KEEPS A FUCKING SCORE OF WHO HAS MORE POINTS, BY VOICE RECORDING.

Then one beautifull day Rebecca decides that betrayl by both ends doesnt hurts and tells Jameson about the scores and sends him the audio Emily made.

Jameson Hawthorne had to listen the girl he ruined his life for for over a year sumarize him and his love as some points. He breaks up with her, and she decides to go after Grayson. And then she jumps. But he is also there, because love and family are never that simple and jameson is a tiny bit (read in the level of therapy) of a masochist. And then SHE BLINKS AND LAUGHS AT HIM AND WHEN HE FINALLY MANAGES TO GO AWAY SHE START HAVING HEART PROBLEMS. BUT SHE HAS PLAYED HIM SO MUCH THAT HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT REALITY IS ANYMORE, and she hadnt had any heart problems for the past 4 years. So he leaves and she dies, and hell breakes lose.

He lost a girl he has know his whole life. He just “learned” that his love arent worth more than some points, he just got out of a increadibly toxic relasionship that ruined his life. The healthy thing would have been if he had some safe space to talk about what Emily did to him and have a strong support system. But everyone he knows is muroning her. They see her as an angle, so everything she did to him goes under the traps because how do you even dare to say something about dear angle Emily. And he has to live with the fact that he belives he killed her. And he cant also talk about anyone about that, for obvious reasons (but his grandfather knows and uses that against him).

Remember what I said about him being a masochist? Now is the era of his great self destruction (with an almost suicide attempt there, that his grandfather was present again and used that agaisnt him, *again*). Its all buttom up in him and he feels angry and sad and nothing. And between these 3, he chose anger. Also, Thea blames the Hawthorne for a death they didnt cause because who dares to say something bad about angles emily? So she puts the whole school agaisnt him and makes school unberable to him. Everyone likes to joke about Jameson missing school but has anyone ever wondered why he hated there so much? He didnt skiped class because he was a rebel 😝🤘but because everyone f. hated him and made his life hell.

[bludraws094]

FOR ALL THE EVER AFTER HIGH FANS THAT HATE APPLE WHITE (which i see more of on tiktok than tumblr, but i prefer writing over speaking, so im saying it here)

this is an excerpt from the storybook of legends, about something that happened to apple and changed how she viewed her destiny. this starts on the very end of page 119, and goes on to 121

When Apple was six years old, she had fallen down a well.

She'd been chasing a dragonfly and climbed onto the well's edge. Then...a seemingly endless fall that ended in a freezing splash, struggle, and gasp for life. She treaded water, her heavy petticoats pulling her down. She didn't have the breath to either scream or sing for help. It was the first time in her life that she'd ever felt alone. Or cold. Or really, truly scared.

Every night before bed, her mother had told her a story that should have been frightening: Scary Evil Queen. Huntsman ordered to cut out her heart. Lost in dark woods with grabby trees. Dwarves, dwarves, more dwarves. Old peddler lady giving her a strangling ribbon. Old peddler lady giving her a poisoned comb. Old peddler lady giving her a poisoned apple. Crunch. Gasp. Faint (beautifully). Dead sleep. Cold glass coffin. Empty dreams. Then...kiss. Wake. Prince! Cheering dwarves. Huge choreographed dance number. Happily Ever After.

Even the scary parts of the Snow White story never scared Apple, because it was known. It was her mother's story, and her mother assured her that one day that same story would be hers.

Treading cold water in the well, feeling her legs tire, her face start to sink under, the cruel, smooth walls slick to her grasping fingers, six-year-old Apple changed. She realized that the real world was much, much scarier than any fairytale. Only in her own story would she be safe.

It took two minutes for her servants, her parents, and a horde of woodland creatures to find her and pull her out of the well. Two very long minutes. By the time she was wrapped up in fifteen blankets before a fire, worried bunnies huddled on her lap, shoulders, and head, Apple had made an important decision. She wanted her story. She wanted it ASAP. The sooner she was in that nice, safe, familiar tale—poisoned fruit and all— the better.

Her story wouldn't happen without Raven. So Apple had to help Raven onto the right path.

And if that didn't work, she'd make her.

(if there are any mistakes, they are due to me typing this out by hand, flipping between my phone and the book. also, my phone has a tendency to change short, misspelled words into completely different, longer words, and i dont always notice it)

before anyone says anything about how traumatizing they think this should have been, or how they think this should have affected her character:

she was six

this was the first time in her life that she ever felt like she was in danger. she was raised in safety, love, and comfort

she was six

her entire life revolves around her story, and, unlike most of the rebels, she enjoys her story. she has lived her whole life wanting her story. her destiny wasnt something to be dreaded, it was something to be cherished

she was six

she literally could have died there. her entire life revolves around others protecting her, others saving her, and she had no way of calling for help. it took all her energy not to sink to the bottom, as she wasnt wearing anything thin or light, no, no she was wearing a dress with petticoats. waterlogged petticoats. if they hadnt found her when they did, she would have drowned. right then and there. the story she spent her entire life preparing for, the story they spent her entire life preparing her for, gone in an instant, never to become reality. that is a terrifying fact for a child to come to terms with

SHE WAS SIX YEARS OLD

apple acts the way she does bcus she is desperate for the only thing that guarantees her safety and comfort: her happy ending. she will do anything to ensure that she gets what she has spent her entire life preparing for

even if that means ruining any trust the one that is destined to give her that has in her

even if it means being the villain in ravens story

and, despite all of this, she genuinely wants what she believes is best for everyone. especially in the books, where they are told that not fulfilling their destinies would quite literally result in death. im not sure if that is also the case in the show, as i cant find anything about it on the wiki, but it is an incredibly important fact, central to the plot of the book this snippet is taken from

she wants to protect her friends

she wants to give them their "happily" ever afters

sure, raven has to go be evil for a few years, and sure, she will end up imprisoned, but she can go back to being herself afterwards! its not like she has to be exactly like her mom, right? (wrong!)

its what has to be done! the only way to guarantee that they all will be safe! the only way to guarantee the security that she has spent her entire life wanting, craving, needing! she needs her happy ending

how could raven be so selfish? how could she take the safety, the security, the certainty of her story away from her?

how could raven ruin her life?

so, stop hating on apple. even if you dont agree with her, (i sure dont,) you have to acknowledge that she is this way for a reason. and that reason is perfectly understandable

raven is embracing the unknown, something entirely antithetical to the certainty and guarantees apple has spent her entire life embracing

and that terrifies her

[mugentakeda]

sorry for atla posting (it will happen again) but i was thinking about the yukka/zukka parallels and that post saying "what if sokka held resentment to iroh because he thinks maybe yue wouldnt have thought to sacrifice herself if iroh hadnt said anything abt her connection to the moon" and then how zuko hadnt even considered being the one to take the firelord title until iroh said it was a swell idea and then zuko just went with it because zukos mental state at that moment was if iroh told him to jump hed say how high

sokka watches zuko struggle to not deteriorate under the pressure of the crown and taking care of his sister and his dad rotting away in his basement and assassinations and revolts and paying for his forefathers mistakes and his uncles mistakes and that same uncle fucked off to ba sing se and is just living it up there while zuko does all the dirty work. sokka watches him spend hours going through passing big laws about big important things and then he watches zuko spend hours going through unimportant petty bills that his advisors toss at him just because they dont like him and zuko just keeps trudging through it, despite it all.

sokka is watching zuko dissolve into ashes right before his eyes the same way he watched yue dissolve into mist right before his eyes. and the fact that both times it was caused by love for a country that, in sokkas opinion, they truly owe nothing to (yue wouldve been miserable her whole life stuck with a loser like hahn, unable to ever voice her true feelings about what happened around her because shes always seen at the council meetings but never heard, trapped by her countrys traditions. zuko works like a dog day and night in the same place that burned him inside out for all to see and mock, trapped until he dies by his countrys mistakes.), and obligation. and on top of that, both times it came about because of a suggestion iroh made.

[moss-sprouted]

guys the difference isnt "people like the try guys more/are more sympathetic towards them then watcher thats why its more well received" the difference is try guys isnt willing to say goodbye to a large section of their fans and have not said a thing about how cheap the price is for the streaming service

and theyve been making big production content since buzzfeed days, and have ALREADY introduced a wide range cast these last few years and tons of new shows, something watcher cant claim

does it suck that everyones making a streaming service? absolutely but i wouldnt trust youtube either

its how the try guys are treating their fans that is the difference, and maybe they would have made the same mistakes if watcher hadnt gone first but they did a great job with introducing it, theyve said only some episodes of content will be exclusive, but not full SHOWS and they arent removing any of their backlog, hell they didnt even remove a lot of their backlog when n*d left because they know how extensive that is and its also rude to the rest of the cast and guests, and i feel like thats something watcher didnt even consider

[vicsnook]

Afterglow | Bob Floyd x Reader

word count: 1059

warnings: insecurity, fluff

song pairing: Afterglow - Taylor Swift

notes: Hey y'all! This is the last part of the Wildest Dreams series (Bob's version). All of my Bob imagines can be read together as one big story so this can be the ending to them too. I'm sorry for putting y'all through it. You can now find all the parts to this and more linked under Bob in my masterlist. Hope y'all have enjoyed this small series and please don't forget to like and reblog!!

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue

Put you in jail for something you didn't do

Being friends with Bob proved a little harder than you expected. Not being able to say anything when a girl would buy him a drink at the Hard Deck or when he’d show up hungover to work. You knew it was your fault and that he was hurt over you and Jake, no matter how much he insisted he wasn’t.

I pinned your hands behind your back, oh

Thought I had reason to attack, but no

The same insecurity you felt now as Rooster egged him on to ask for the bartenders number was the reason you lost him. He shook his head at Rooster as you hoped he would and glanced your way giving you a half smile. Nat slid next to you and smiled sympathethically. 

Jake was playing pool in front of you. His angry glances every time he was facing you were not missed by anyone. You knew you’d hurt him too and that what he said was bullshit but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him. Instead, you looked down every time he looked at you.

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, and I'm to blame

Staring out the window you cursed yourself for ruining your friendship with Jake and your relationship with Bob. Bob and you were on the mend thankfully but you couldnt lie and say that you didnt miss your friendship with Jake.

Even though you told Nat that what happened between you and Jake was just a stupid mistake. Both of you knew that was far from the truth. You loved both of them but you’d chosen Bob.

You slid off the booth and told Nat you were just going to get some fresh air but she knew that was a lie. The thought of staying until the end of the night just to have to watch Bob leave without you and Jake with another girl made you sick.

It's all me in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

But being home just made it worse. Now you were trapped with your thoughts and there was nothing to distract you from the fact that you ruined everything. Even when Bob tried reassuring weeks ago that it wasnt all your fault and both him and Jake had responsability. You hurt everyone and there was no coming back from that.

—

It's so excruciating to see you low

Just wanna lift you up and not let you go

Christmas had snuck up on you but you were too busy with your pity party. Things still hadnt changed between you and Jake but at least Bob and you spoke to each other a lot more outside of work. Accidentally you’d eavesdropped on Nat and Rooster when using their bathroom and found out that Bob would get drunk after seeing you and would put himself down over losing you.

All you wanted was to help him but you were the reason he was hurt in the first place. So you stayed silent and ignored the feeling of wanting to tell him that you felt that way too. Even declining to hang out by using lame excuses.

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying

Finally one Friday after work Bob blew up. His blue eyes pleading with you as you declined his invitation to go to the zoo.

“What excuse are you going to use now?” he asked, disappointment filled his features. You were cornered.

“I- I uh, fuck fine. You want to know the truth?” you couldnt lie to him, not when he looked at you like he saw right through you. He nodded yes as you cleared your suddenly dry throat and continued, “Bob, I know about your drinking and I just figured I’d be doing you a favor if I just left you alone to heal. I fucked us all up and I can’t keep hurting you just because you’re too nice to tell me off.”

He stared at you as you took a deep breath and looked away. Feeling his hand grabbing yours it broke you out of your thoughts.

“Peach, I’m not drinking because of you. I’m drinking because I feel like it’s my fault too. I took you for granted when I was away and even missed your birthday. Stop blaming yourself. You avoiding me is hurting me more than if you just told me the truth about how you feel,” he said hurriedly trying to make your eyes meet his. “Trust me if I wanted you to fuck off I would’ve told you,” he said, half-smiling as you finally met this eye.

Tell me that you're still mine

Tell me that we'll be just fine

Even when I lose my mind

“I didnt know that,” you whispered.

“You didn’t let me tell you”

“I thought I’d already lost you and I didnt want to make it worse. I feel like I’m losing my mind” you said, admitting to him what had been haunting you for months.

“You didnt lose me, Peach. I’m still right here. I’ve been trying to get you to give me another chance but I can’t even get you to talk to me outside of work.”

“Another chance?” you asked, unsure if your ears had betrayed you because how could he possibly still want to be with you after everything that happened.

Tell me that it's not my fault

Tell me that I'm all you want

Even when I break your heart

“Yes, Peach. I don’t care about what happened with Jake. I don’t care about any of it all. I just want you. I want us back” he said, you could see the sincerity in his eyes as you tried processing what he had just said. He cupped your face in his hands, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Even after I broke your heart?”

“It was mutual. Now are you coming with me to the zoo on a date or am I going to have to take Payback?”

“Yes” you responded, smiling back at him and following him out to new beginnings.

 

Meet me in the afterglow

taglist: @harperdoodle, @weirdothatwritess, @rosiahills22

[arthur-lesters-balls]

i have! so much! i wanna! talk about!

i know i got to stop wasting my free time thinking and go back to listening. however, before i do that theres only one thought i really need to put somewhere so lets go i'll make it quick

i just wanna talk about the confession arthur made about the cannibalism that happened in the dreamlands

im not going to talk about the faustian bargain, im not going to talk about how great was the choice of cannibalism since the act of eating meat is well known when it comes to representing earthly desires, and im not going to talk about how they made the value of this exchange very clear with not only john's suffering but also how arthur looks back at it. yeah, i wanna talk about it, its beautifully written! but i wont because i said this would be quick

my favorite part, the chosen one to stop me from talking about the faustian bargain, is the wonderful "twist" that was made to this relatively common narrative moment, and what it says about john and arthur!!!

it was not that difficult to guess arthur had to resort to killing someone, not only because of the nature of that prison but also because they were calling that piece of bone they had by a very specific human name (otherwise that would be so funny lmao) but i hadnt really given a thought about what that meant to john with his ability to see peoples death, so that surprised me

its obvious that his ability is directly connected with humaneness, theres no way to make it clearer than the fact that john started to have it after arthur's coma (or that it literally makes an immortal being experience death). but arthur being the responsible one for that death just adds so much to it

and once again i could go on and on about how thats (to me) similar to a bunch of other events in the story where arthurs perspective of humans doesnt match his own actions, and how the consequences of some of his choices help john to experience humanity, but i wont, because i said it would be quick

arthur lied to john because he wanted to be extra cruel while killing that man, and then john was the one who was forced to empathize with him, reliving that death thousands of times. and the unnecessary cruelness arthur chose had its weight

in my opinion, as we can see with larson too, arthurs regret about his daughter is currently being coped through lashing out at anyone who commits any sin that comes any close to resembling his mistake. arthur judges john for killing in a non-reactive way, saying those are the acts of a monster, but hes starting to find ok to do something that fits the same classification, as long as he sees this specific fault in the person

and its funny because they had their most recent fight precisely because john also killed someone (two people actually) in a non-reactive way and arthur reminded him of it

i think theres a lot of potential around this. i hope that now that john is back this also turns around and john receives an opportunity to question arthurs choice about faust (and the wish to kill larson too i guess). knowing john itll probably be quite different from the way arthur did it, he'll probably be trying to help arthur to think straight about what hes doing, but that just makes it more interesting tbh

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[bridgyrose]

Emerald bonds with Ren and ESPECIALLY Nora over the commonalities of their youth.

(Enjoy the pain!)

Emerald sighed as she looked at the memory wall, her heart sinking as she looked at the pictures of Team RWBY, Penny, and Jaune. It had only been a week since they had died and yet, she still couldnt help but blame herself. Spending time vying for Cinder’s affections instead of trying to help stop Beacon from being attacked, continuing to follow Cinder after the mistake that was Haven, waiting to leave until she felt like she hadnt had a choice… all of it could’ve been avoided if she had just seen where this was leading sooner. Beacon would still be standing, Atlas wouldnt have fallen, Penny would be alive, Ruby and her friends wouldnt have had to sacrifice themselves to save those they could. 

“You’re going to get dehydrated if you stay out here like this.” 

Emerald sighed and moved into the dwindling shadow of a nearby building, catching Nora out of the corner of her eye. “Maybe… maybe that’s the plan.” 

Nora shook her head and walked over to her. “That’s a terrible plan.” 

“And I’m a terrible person. I’ve… wronged each of them.” Emerald looked over the pictures once more, her voice cracking as she spoke. “I helped kill Penny, tried to kill Ruby, put Weiss in a position to get speared, used Yang, assisted in bringing Adam to Blake… and Jaune… I dont know what I did to him but I know I did something. I could’ve stopped before it got this far, could’ve left Cinder instead of going after her. I thought she cared about me… loved me the same way I loved her. Instead… she snapped at me.” 

“Yeah, but… you’re still here.” Nora held her arm close to her chest, a finger tracing once of the scars that ran up her arm. “Ren and I were orphaned too. My mom abandoned me when grimm attacked and I was left to survive on my own for a long time. Ren had a family, but then a nuckelavee attacked his village and killed everyone. He and I managed to survive and… we’ve stuck together since. Jaune, Pyrrha, Team RWBY, Penny… they became family to us once we came to Beacon. So, I think I get why you couldnt leave her. Its hard to leave that feeling of belonging somewhere.” 

Emerald went quiet and wiped a tear from her cheek. Hearing from Nora that her life was just as hard, maybe harder since her semblance didnt help her get what she wanted, and seeing the way she turned out, the fact that she found a way to help others instead of wanting to watch the world burn for being abandoned… all because she found someone that supported her instead of wanting to use her. 

“I cant say any of it was easy though,” Nora continued, her eyes moving to the ground to hide how she felt. “Even with Ren by my side, there were still plenty of nights with not enough to eat, cold nights made us fight to stay warm, grimm werent easy to avoid and followed us around. We got lucky.” 

“I… I didnt know.” 

“I didnt expect you to.” Nora smiled a bit and looked at the pictures on the wall once more, her arm shaking. “Sometimes all you need is someone who cares about you to be by your side, to help protect you and keep you moving in the right direction.” 

“And that was Ren for you, wasnt it?” 

Emerald nodded and sat down for a moment to look at the pictures on the wall. “Do… do you think they would’ve helped me too? If they were here now.” 

Nora nodded. “That’s who they were, people who help. Its what they try to be as huntresses.” 

“May… may I stay with you and Ren for a while?” Emerald finally asked. 

“Stay with us? What do you mean by that?” 

“I mean to stay with you… live with you… learn from you. You and I have gone through a bit of the same shit and I… I want to learn how to deal with it better like you did.” 

“I dont see a problem with that.” 

[treetownconfessions]

new-ish to the blog (been here about a month....,,) and i wanted to finally get this off my chest bc it was killing me. i'm queer as hell now but BACK THEN when i was 11-13 i was a cis boy who just liked reading comics and doing a jump everyday in hopes of becoming the tallest jumper in the world. and at the time i found out about happy tree friends and got into it very fast, both bc the gore and extremity was edgy and cool to me and because i genuinely liked the characters. i developed a crush on flippy, because, who didnt, and finding out a LOT of htf fans felt the same made me happy at first. but it became really clear nearly all the people who crushed and fangirled over him were girls irl and i felt like a weirdo about it because i was a BOY and i had a crush on flippy who was ALSO a boy. BUT seeing those same people ship flippy with other boy-characters in the show gave me massive mixed messages, because everyone seemed to love it when it was in-show only and i hadnt EVER met another boy online who had a crush on flippy so i wondered if it just wasnt allowed when it was outside of that, even though i wanted to express it with everyone else so bad. i couldnt go to my irl friends bc none of them were into htf and i was worried theyd think i was weird anyway. so my solution to keep crushing on flippy while still being normal to everyone else was making a htf oc that was quite literally a self-insert of myself, all the way down to the comics i liked irl, and shipped him with flippy. but i never told anyone it was my self-insert and just said it was an oc very unrelated to me and i wanted to keep it that way. i made horrible art of us and wrote equally horrible fanfic of this "oc" and flippy, bc i thought it was a genius solution to expressing my adoration for flippy whilst keeping the handful of followers and online friends i had satisfied bc it was boy x boy stuff. i never wrote/drew raunchy stuff about them bc as far as i can remember it was just shit like going on a date with flippy at the library or having picnics with him etc etc. but once i shared a recent fic with one of my online friends about them and at some point they went "you wrote it like an x reader so i thought it was self insert lol" and i was genuinely in shambles. i thought they were accusing me of having a crush on flippy myself and they were about to expose me or something (they didnt even know i was a boy irl so i dont know??) so i defensively told them it wasnt a self insert and i wasnt attracted to flippy in the slightest. but i was really rude about it and they replied saying they never said that, they never accused me of having a crush on flippy or anything like that and it was just a mistake. i dont remember the entirety of our messages but i remember getting so butthurt and angry i kept telling them to fuck off and that it wasnt a mistake on their end and they HAD to be accusing me of actually liking flippy. i blocked them and i cried so hard into my pillow i could barely breathe and i considered running away from home that day bc i was convinced that person was gonna tell everyone i liked flippy even though i was a boy and somehow get to my irl friends and family and i would be considered a freak for it forever. i stopped posting my art and fics of that "oc" and flippy after that and i didnt know how to delete my account at the time (it was on deviantart) so i just logged out and never touched it again. ive been thinking about it recently now as an adult and i forgot the password to that account so everything is still up and there hasnt been a new comment since 7 years ago but it keeps me up at night thinking about the person i cussed out and all the published stuff

[vhvrs]

rewatching the first 3 seasons after s7 really puts into perspective how much backtracking the show is doing rn bc of all the bullshit arc breaking u get in between. like the way rick is in s7 works in s2-s3 b4 it was building there and he hadnt done the sheer amount of abusive unforgivable shit he does yet (like he sucks but its not at the lvl some of the eps go in there lol) so u almost do not give a shit to see him improve now when it feels out of nowhere. same w mortys development bc he no longer feels as much like a character so much as a prop in ricks world when he also had a v clear growing arc, so much so that made ppl once think he could be evil morty or rick w where he was heading.

just feels like a lot of getting cheated n now the shows trying to be s3. n i have to kindve zone out some shit bc its meddling from behind the scenes despite them saying Someone had no writing involvement n they r trying to fix mistakes but. idk this will also be my first time properly watching Those Seasons but it leaves a bad taste in yr mouth you know

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

[aita-ghosting]

aita for ghosting after being given an ultimatum?

tw abuse, suicidal ideation, others probably. im so desensitized now

sorry if this is less than coherent, im having to tiptoe around a lot of niche context, to say the least.

sorry if this is really long. to say im struggling as i write this would be an understatement.

i was on and off again with my significant other for several years. we met in high school but are now both adults. there are a lot of exact details i no longer remember.

i had a crush on them first. i was young and hadnt started exploring my gender identity or sexuality until maybe a year after i met them. i fell hard and fast, but they weren't interested. they knew, it was obvious to everyone. they got boyfriends out of spite and deliberately acted repulsed by me, yet they complained anytime i tried to go no contact with them.

they got a specific boyfriend about a year after i met that truly became the bane of my existence. i was compared and contrasted to him in ways that deeply degraded my sense of self-worth. he was two years older, and "better" because he had a car. whenever crush told both me and him the same lie to "test" us, he always won. he was abusive and manipulative, or so crush would tell me. he threatened suicide if they left him. he physically abused them. i hated him. anytime crush would fall on hard times with him, they would come back to me. they would tell me they love me, want to be with me, want to marry me, the works. anything to make me stay, even after they went back to him. he was consistently chosen over me, but i was stupid and hopeful enough to stay on promises of maybe, later, not right now. afaik they are still in contact with him, but they are not dating. they could be, though. it wouldnt surprise me.

this is where things get more vague. i apologize in advance.

each time they hurt me was slightly worse than the last. i was basically the meme of the frog in a pot on a slow boil, unable to notice i was being cooked alive. it took years for them to acknowledge that they were being less than fair to me, much less outright abusive. they expected that acknowledgement alone to make up for the abuse itself. somewhere along the line, i slipped into reactive abuse. every time i made this mistake, i was punished for it. i was made to hurt in ways that they knew i would forgive. they love-bombed me with gifts and affection and used what i "gained" to rationalize past, present, and future abuse. i could never win. it was a perfect darvo every time, and i always fell for it.

this most recent "try" at a relationship was conditional. they wanted to take back something they had given me. they told me that it was under false pretenses that i received it in the first place. i didnt know until they wanted it back. i didnt want to give it up. the "gift" was unexpected, but i genuinely appreciated it and grew very attached. it became very important to me, and it still is. i wanted to tell them no, but i couldn't.

so, i lied instead. i made a duplicate, kept the original for myself, and gave them the other one. they were functionally the same. neither of us could actually tell the difference if they were put side by side. they were satisfied. they seemed happy.

somehow, i psyched myself out about it. i doubted that i had the original to the point that i started to question reality. i was in a really bad place. i also felt guilty, because i had lied to someone i said i loved and cared for, someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

let me be clear, i know i am wrong for lying. that is not what my aita is about.

eventually, i couldn't stand it anymore. i told them what i did. i told them i lied. they were understandably upset and angry. they got psyched out too, and the duplicate i gave them no longer satisfied them.

this is where they give me the ultimatum: give back everything they ever gave me, including the thing i lied about, or leave and never come back. so, i confirmed that's what my only two "choices" were and left without saying anything. they could contact me if they really wanted to, but i dont expect them to try. i imagine theyd recognize this if they saw it, though, which kinda sucks.

i wish i could say i feel better now, but i dont. i regret it and i miss them. i keep telling myself i love them, still, but i know they dont believe it. if i truly loved them, i wouldve given them what they wanted.

anyway.

aita for ghosting my significant other after they gave me an ultimatum that i found unfair?

[mugentakeda]

i just loveeeee the idea that there was a big gap of understanding between lu ten and iroh the same way theres a big gap of understanding between zuko and iroh. mistakes that iroh didnt realize he made with his son he then also made with his nephew and still not realizing it. a whole world of things about lu ten that iroh didnt know about, and will never know about. im gonna talk about it though because i am insane so look away from my cringe

lu ten had gone to his father with problems before, and iroh cant help but wonder, now, if his son had ever been trying to imply deeper things in between sugarcoated words because there were things you just didnt say in the palace, and irohs head had been so far up his ass he hadnt seen it. despite it being waved practically right in his face by his son, desperate for sound advice from his father, whos brain was too waterlogged by thoughts of how he was going to pull off his next bloody conquest. like how zuko was always howling for help, hurt and confused like a cornered animal, hidden deep under his fits of rage, and irohs head was Still so far up his ass that he kept meeting zukos silent begging for straightforward guidance with convoluted proverbs. he can sit here and bury his face in his hands in shame over the sheer amount of times hed failed his nephew without realizing, and how much convincing it'll take to get his nephew to understand that yes, iroh did fail him so many times, and he couldve prevented so much suffering simply by holding himself to the same standards he held his nephew to. all those times during those three years before the avatar returned that he couldve done something. sit here and think about how sad it is that he has to even try hard to convince his nephew such a thing, how sad it is that he finally got zuko to stop seeing ozai as some all-wise god that can do no error as a father, just for zuko to start seeing iroh as some all-wise god that has done no error as an uncle. but he can at least go and do something about it. he can never do something about what he did to his son. the things he knows he did, the things he doesnt know he did, and everything in between. he will never find out what lu ten truly thought about him. he will never have that reconciliation, that silent scream of relief and violent shiver in the crook of his neck that zuko gave when iroh yanked him in close after their separation, with his lu ten. he just has to hear about his own son through word of mouth and somehow be content with that. and worst of all, its all his own and his god damned family's fault. no amount of healing and learning by trying to do right by zuko and the world he helped nearly ruin not much more than a half decade ago can act as a balm for the agony that brings him. he knows healing his guilty conscience isnt supposed to even be a reason for why he helped the avatar, but god- it's when the rationality leaves him and he realizes that this is something he cant seem to make himself be the bigger person in. he knows its his own fault, that there are hundreds- thousands, maybe- of earth kingdom sons he personally stole from earth kingdom fathers, and only gave up on his siege when the consequences of his war came into his own backyard, but he cant help it. doesnt want to help it. hes still angry and hateful anyway. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. his son should still be here. and if he tells zuko about how much he still hates himself as both an uncle and a father, zuko will definitely rush to reassure him, all the while he is chained to his desk and meetings day in and day out, fixing this uncles mistakes best he can, losing sleep and forgetting to eat. none of it will mean anything to zuko, if it means he can make his uncle feel better. and if that happens, iroh might actually vomit in front of his nephew.

[lunar-fandoms]

I miss you. I hate that I miss you. I love you. I was in love with you. I hate you. No i dont. Sometimes I am glad you are no longer in my life. Sometimes I think I made a huge mistake. I dont think Ill ever find someone who clicked with me the way you did. Im not sure I want to. I wonder if we could have worked it out if I hadnt just pulled the plug like that. I know talking about it never worked before. Im not sure why I think it would four years later. I hope you are doing well. I want to check up on you. I never want to hear from you again. At fhe end I think we werent even friends anymore, we were just going through the motions. I think you didnt even like me that much, I was just always there for you and you liked that. I think you might have been in love with me. I think you hated me. We were toxic. We brought out the worst in each other. We were competitive in our trauma and self hatred. We fought each other. We called each other names and disparaged each other. I dont think Ill ever love anyone else with the intensity I loved you. I dont think Ill find love that will be a fraction of what you once showed me. I dont know if I want to. I cant go through that again. I crave it. I miss you. I dream about you. It always happens the same, I show up somewhere you are and you start a conversation like we never left. Never fought. We talk, we laugh, we cry, and you forgive me. Im not sure what I did to need your forgiveness. I dont know if I want you to ask for forgiveness. I dont know if I would give it. Unfollowing you was the best decision Ive ever made. I regret it all the time. In my dreams, we hang out and speak with an ease i have never experienced since I left you. Im not sure if I miss you or it I miss being missed. If I miss being wanted. I know going back to our friendship would be a terrible idea. I look at your house every time I drive past it. The other day I thought I saw you and I wasnt sure if I was glad or scared. It wasnt you, and im not sure if i was dissapointed or relieved. I have nothing to say to you. If we ever met again I would not know what to say to you. I want to talk to you so badly. Even if we reconnected, it will never be the way it was. What I crave is an impossibility. I would rather die than go back to how it was. I want it more that I have wanted anything else in my entire life. Im so lonely. You sabotauged my relationships so I would only have you. I hate you. I cant trust you. I sometimes wonder if the pain of being around you is truely worse that the lonliness without you. I tell myself being alone is better than being abused. Im better off without you. I dont believe that. As much as I have tried to gain it back, you will always have a piece of my heart. I sometimes think you were my soulmate. I wonder if i was in the wrong. I wonder if I am exactly like you. I still love you. I hate you. I miss you

[evil-wakes-in-vengeance]

Don't reply to this. I told you I'm rebuilding my life. I've got every confidence in myself, but thank you nonetheless. The thing that stings about it all is that you have nothing to say after months of not talking. Not that you have to say anything, that's your prerogative, I'm just genuinely surprised by it. It's good to know I was just a temporary filler for your loneliness at the time. Don't repeat the same mistake. I definitely won't be.

right this is the last time I am fucking replying to you and I'm going to break it down as simple as possible, I let you , ash , into my life, when I wasn't even ready but i decided to give it all a chance again after 4 years of toxicity with will. it started horrible and I should have seen the flags , one example would be the day you said you loved me and you decided to make me feel bad for not returning the notion, which guilt tripped the shit out of me, the next thing I knew you where slowly moving your stuff in doing in slowly almost as though I wouldnt notice, and I very clearly wasnt ready for that step I allowed it on the false pretention you would get a job , which you never did, to which I then got a second job , because I could not afford you myself and luna off of part time cleaning. Which i required you to watch my child for , which was met with me being some sort of "hoe" at work because I wanted to fuck everyoe or everyone me , and that was the same everywhere i went I couldnt even go in a shop without you sulking about a guy i had apperntly looked at, it was absurd , i couldn't do the one thing I enjoyed which was my motorbike meets because you made it fucking hell in regaurds to of course men, I was made to feel unloyal trapped and quiet frankly like i didnt exist because all you ever spoke about was yourself, i basically became your therapist even though you where slowly chocking the shit out of me, and my daughter of which you found hilariouse to bully and put down, calling her names as a joke the same as you did me and even calling her drawings bad just being outright horrible for your own entertainment , you wanted sex on demaned regaurdless off how i felt and if i said no i would yet again be met with a guilt trip to where i was left feeling misreable but as long you got what you wanted it didn't matter, you ironically would sit in my bed scrolling threw nudes off woman and even commenting on photos thinking i wasnt aware and you even messaged some girl attempting to meet , but I was the one being accused off god knows what even though id never looked anywhere else or anything of the sort. you just toke from me ash, you free loaded off my food my internet my tobocco everything, sat on your xbox most nights until fuck knows when and slept all day and would expect a pat on the back when you did something nice, yeh we went for some cycle rides we had some nice memories together but all of the nice shit with sobotaged by all of the above, the last straw was when I spoke to that black guy at central bar and I was accused of wanting BBD ect to the point the guy walked us back as he was concerned about me with your behaviour to which ended up with me finally fighting back and loosing my shit with you which resulted in you loobing my furniture across the room. so i kicked you out off my house and called the police, and from months on from there you sent me thousand and thousands of messages , you even sent me pictures of girls naked telling how much better they where than me, as if you hadnt already done a number on my confidence with comments i cant even put on the internet because theyre so disguisting like that one becky wanted to punch you in the face for (my god i wish she had!) , then at some point you broke into my fucking house , it toke the police months to catch your arse and theyre still processing all the evidence now and it still has to go to court, yet here the fuck you are with a restraining order against you messaging me , you currently have two fake accounts to stalk my instagram and fuck knows what else you stalk it seems my tumblr also of course! your obsessed , with what i dont even know because to be quiet fucking brutally honest with you i totally fucking hate you. you made me feel more alone than actually being alone has ever ever made me feel, and thanks to you im now absoloutly fucking terrified to let anyone near not just me but my child ! because i never want some cunt to treat her like you did ! you..are..vile.