#i say might because if it’s not covid it’s something very similar with a lot of overlapping symptoms

[stingyslegslookweird]

so uhh… i might have covid ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

probably not gonna post anything super-high-effort but if you wanna ask me stuff i’ll probably be paying attention to my askbox more til i get better.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hii India

You already said a few things about Harry taking a break.. now that the last show is over and Harry saying goodbye over Instagram, what do you think?

A lot of people have the opinion he’s going to be gone for quite a while now. Whatever it is I’m glad he’s taking the break. For me it’s a confirmation that he’s still dealing with the mess that fame is in a healthy way and I’m going to be here for when he decides to come back. I’m going to miss him so much though.

And I would love to hear your take on things. Do you think this is a goodbye for a longer time period? Or is it more an goodbye for him, to be okay with the fact that things might never be the same as they were during this tour? That his fame is changing and he accepts that he doesn’t have to control it?

Hi, love 🩵

Hmm. So, I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but practically speaking, for the first time, the set up of a new stunt is a hopeful sign. If they’re finding a way to keep Harry in the press, however low the profile (🤞🏼), it’s for a reason. My hunch is that he is tying up with Loewe in some way, and in that sense, I don’t think it will be long ‘til we see him again, physically (however infrequently).

But, I also think touring is tougher than he makes it seem, physically, mentally and emotionally. I think all the things he realized during COVID, about being a better son/brother/friend (and partner) is a driving force in this seemingly more urgent need to find balance. It’s certainly a shift from the way he was working/talking during Fine Line, but I also think that’s the point.

He’s now in a very rare “natural” break in his career as a musician. We haven’t had any confirmation that he’s re-signed with Columbia (although I have no doubt that he has), so for all intents and purposes, he’s currently publicly free from professional obligation for the first time in a long time (at least in terms of his music) and that is going to feel very, very odd for someone who’s been working essentially non-stop (whether in the spotlight or behind the scenes) for over a decade. I think that novelty and sense of impermanence is something he’s trying really hard to embrace; to meet with excitement rather than fear. So, for the most part, I stand by my original thoughts.

But, if I can add:

I think Harry is the kind of person that is very aware of the gravity of fate and sheer magic that has gone into his success. You can see it in the way he talks about there being “no reason he should be getting to do this instead of anyone else” and how “we’re all the same” and “this doesn’t happen to people like me very often”. In this way, I think there’s a constant groundedness about his person and an acceptance of the vulnerability of his career and his success — in other words, he knows that lighting really might not strike thrice, and I think he’s preparing himself for that. There was a moment on the last Late Late show, when he was comparing himself to Will Ferrell and he said something like “Will has longevity and I’m more a flash in the pan” (untrue, but I digress) and what struck me about that line was how acutely aware he is that things can change for him at any moment. It’s similar to his “whatever people say about you, it’s not true. If people say you’re the best thing ever, it’s not true” quote on Howard Stern; like I think it’s one of the themes of his life, having to have a firm hold on reality so that the ‘inevitable’ crash is manageable.

He also seems to be trying to learn from the lives of other musicians/celebrities, and take those lessons to heart by applying them to his life and his work. in the end, I think what he’s trying to do is just accept that there are no guarantees; that he doesn’t know and has no control over whatever happens to the world while he’s away or what he’s returning to. I think the reason it sounds so definitive and scary and existential is because it is all of those things, for him. This is a big change, and he’s giving it its space and weight for the first time, because it is the first time he’s been able to say a proper goodbye (1D hiatus was rushed, HS1 went directly into FL, FL ended abruptly during COVID… there’s a pattern.)

Bottom line though, is that I know for certain Harry fucking loves music and touring. It’s a compulsion, for him. It’s in his DNA. And that’s why I’m not scared that he’ll leave forever, because I’ve always hard the feeling his music nourishes him just as much (if not more) than it nourishes us. He does what he does for himself, and we’re a bonus, and as an artist, that is the best reason to do anything and the only reason to keep coming back to it, regardless of the uncertainty that awaits him.

Not to make this novel any longer than it is, but I’ve also had a recent thought that occurred to me: Harry is 29, which means he’s currently going through his Saturn return.

I’ve asked my therapist (who is also an astrologist) for a bit more literature on Saturn returns, cause I’m super curious about how that might be affecting him. (For background, all my friends got married around the times of their Saturn return, and both my best friend and I picked up and moved halfway across the world during ours so at least for the people in my life, it seems like it is consistent with big change, and from the way Harry is talking, it seems it might be affecting him the same way.) I’ll get back to you. 😉🪐

[galadrieljones]

i read your theories. And i believe it but there is a feeling inside me and telling me that beth will never comeback. i don’t know.

I would be lying if I didn't say that every day, I deal with a similar nagging voice in my head: If she doesn't come back, is this all for nothing? I do truly believe that lately, there has been too many strange developments to be pure coincidence. But, at the same time, I have skepticism deep in my roots. It's simply in my nature to interrogate, which is how I got here in the first place, so I feel you.

I came into the Bethyl fandom about 6 years late. I saw "Coda," during my first TWD marathon during covid in 2020, and I had been accidentally spoiled a long time back. I knew Beth was going to get shot and that she was going to die, so while I was really upset about it, I knew it was going to happen. BUT. I didn't think it would be that...weird?? I just thought a rogue bullet would tag her during a shoot-out, and she'd die in Daryl's arms. But it didn't happen like that at all. It was just so WEIRD! It was so unlike any of the other deaths. And it just didn't sit right. The way Dawn was trying to convince Beth to stay, to do something that she said would be "the most important thing she'll ever do in her life??" Rick's repetition of the "Can't go back, Bob," line? The weird POV and high angle shots during the exchange? The bizarre audio and closed captions that don't match what we hear and/or see? The canted shots, which I remembered from a film class I took in college were meant to communicate messages of disorientation and even psychosis. I thought, is something wrong with Rick? Is he misremembering what happened? I was also stunned by the coda with Morgan, because it was just so...oblique? Like what were all those weird, random bits of inventory? The magazine, the little things he leaves at the altar, and how he seems to be laughing at some cosmic truth we can't see or understand. I thought, I have to be missing something!

Then I watched WHAWGO, and I knew something was like really off. I knew that the writers were playing some sort of game. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but like, I just figured they would address it later. I figured that whatever was being hidden, it would soon surface. But it never did. Around the time I was watching season 8, so maybe a month or two later, I found Team Delusional on tumblr, and I realized that my instincts were, if not definitively correct, than at least being shared by tons of other fans. It was amazing to me that, six years later, I could be asking the same exact questions, completely unprompted, that they were asking at the time the episode aired. How could that be a coincidence?

In any case, skepticism still finds me from time to time, mainly, I assume, as a form of self-preservation. I mostly cope with my creeping, inevitable skepticism by just...continuing to badger the evidence. Anytime I simply feel like being reminded of why I care so much about this, I go back and revisit "Slabtown" and "Coda." For me, the most convincing evidence is actually the Christ imagery. Why plant a bunch of Christ imagery if you weren't planning a resurrection? It really doesn't make sense. And it's really not that unusual for the GA of a show like this to just miss the signs. Because while "the signs are all there," if you don't know how to read them, you might just think you're looking at confusing writing choices and/or you might just tell yourself, "Meh, well, it's just a TV show. It's not that serious." And, of course, it's not. It IS just a TV show, but I have met lots of people who, because of TD, at the very least, have gone back and admitted that, um, yeah. "Coda" IS kind of weird. Like, what is it with that? And the angle of the gun actually DOESN'T make sense, and yeah, why DIDN'T we see Beth's funeral? Isn't a whole big deal made in "Alone" about Beth and how important she thinks it is to give dead people funerals? These are all objectively valid questions! They don't take "true believer" or "conspiracy theory" ideologies to entertain. They just take one single second look at the evidence and an open mind. Team Delusional really isn't delusional at all. We're simply very inquisitive, detail oriented people who really love Beth and Daryl.

All of that said, I definitely understand where your skepticism is coming from, and it's been such a long time. The best way I've found to deal with it, other than continuing to interrogate the show, is to just sort of let go of control and enjoy the moment as a hobby and/or a passion. For me, this kind of research and analysis is definitely a passion. But also, to (badly) quote @twdmusicboxmystery, "Until the powers that be come right out and say, 'Beth is dead and she is never coming back,' I'll be here." I do really think she's alive! And at the very least, I believe they'll create closure for Daryl, in some way that has to involve Beth.

Keep believing!! But don't let it cause you pain or anxiety. It has to be fun. Whatever will be will be, and if you're not enjoying it, it's okay to take breaks or to just take a firm "wait and see" approach. You can always change your mind and dive back in when you feel up to it again ❤️💕💫

[chaoticpallascat]

I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but when I watch Doctor Who I tend to distinctly feel I have two hats before me from which to choose.

Hat 1 is my new audience hat. I wore that back when I first started, when I lied miserably in bed with my second Covid. I had just finished Good Omens and Staged. At first I just wanted more David, but eventually I got captivated by the Doctor, and I binged NuWho in one week. Perhaps because of COVID taking my thinking capacities away, perhaps because I had the luxury of binging, I did not care particularly about quality. I just cared about what it made me feel, about the vastness of the universe it showed me, about that allure of all of space and time. If I saw anything I don’t like that much, I knew there’s always another episode down the line. What only mattered was if I had a good time, and I did. I felt like a child again in the first time for a very very long time.

Hat 2 is my show fan hat. It’s so tempting to wear it nowadays, and when I wear it I think about the show’s past, compare it to the present, and worry about its future. I am constantly vigilant about plot devices, I analyse character arcs, I think about how new audiences nowadays might feel watching the show. I sometimes feel as though I am a chaperone of a legacy. I’m concerned with quality, and when I watch an episode, I no longer seek to just immerse myself a story. I also seek to answer whether it is good.

I’m not saying either way is objectively better, but to me wearing the second hat can make me miss the first. When I’m focused on assessing whether the show is good, I seem to lose the ability to just have a good time with silly things that are not BAFTA-winning script writing or even good script writing but nevertheless would have brought me a lot of joy if I wore my fist hat. To be sure, I might still conclude the show is good. Or great. Or mindblowing. But with my new audience hat, everything was more colourful and vibrant and exciting. In a sense it may be similar to the Doctor’s approach to travelling across space and time: no tracking and judging the development of the universe, but feeling it with fresh excitement every stop along the way.

Again, not saying either way is the right way, and definitely not saying you’re a necessarily a second hat wearer if you don’t enjoy this season. But if you also feel like something is missing, I recommend trying your first audience hat back on. See how it feels. It could be fun! Allons-y!

[mamadoc]

1, 2, 11, 20😊

1 - Talk about someone who changed your life.

Okay. I took far too long to think about this. Since we're all in a post 6x6 and TTPD era, here's a vulnerable, tortured answer.

I had a very close friend for several years. My husband and I were very close to her and her husband. Our kids were friends. We went to the same church, all loved to travel, had similar interests and tastes, had all lived internationally, went on double dates, etc. We even considered having them raise our kids if my husband and I both passed away. In sum, we were super close.

Then COVID hit. As a doctor COVID was difficult. I struggled a lot because I was taking care of sick patients. I recall one tearful day of talking to a pregnant mom who was about to be transferred to the ICU and was saying goodbye to her other children. It really wasn't safe or comfortable to go to work for a long time. I wasn't really dealing with it well, especially with the people around me treating it like it didn't matter. I was really depressed for the first time in my life.

This friend didn't understand that or if she did, she didn't care. So, when I said I wasn't interested in going out in public and having any type of birthday celebration for my birthday (who wants to celebrate turning 41 anyway?), she started attacking me on a personal level. I was already in a dark place and instead of being a good friend and supporting me, she just keep sending me hateful messages.

That was the first and only time in my life I considered suicide. I reached out for help and got it. I wasn't in that dark pit for a long time. I'm much better now. I mostly have my sister to thank for that.

I brought her flowers for Valentine's Day with an apology note a few weeks after that. She never apologized. I brought treats to her a few weeks after that with an apology note explaining why I felt so hurt. I tried to call to explain how I felt so that I could heal. She never answered the phone.

I'm still not sure what I have to apologize for or why she never seemed to accept or offer an apology. But that was two years ago. We still don't talk. Our husbands don't talk. Our kids don't play together anymore. For a long time, I didn't like going to church because I knew I'd have to see her.

Most of that is better now. I'm just sad for a lost friendship and for the dark place I had to crawl out of.

I've used a slight modification of her name for a character in one of my stories who betrayed Lucy. I thought that might be therapeutic, but it just brought the situation up to the surface again.

Uhhh... I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I'll try to keep the rest of the answers a bit lighter.

2 - Talk about something you really want to do.

I LOVE to travel. I've been to 47 states and 16 countries. My husband and I had all of our plans in place to get to all 50 states before we turned 40. Then COVID hit and all of our plans were dashed when travel shut down. We're going at a slower pace now, but we're getting close to it. #48 (NM) in October, #49 (HI) July 2025 as a 20th anniversary trip, and #50 (AK) the summer of 2026.

11 - Share something you're proud of.

According to AO3's stats, I've posted over 339k words since I started posting 7 months ago (plus another 9-10k chapter I hope to finish tonight). I know there are those that blow me out of the water (Ahem, ahem @girlintotv and @centralperkchenford) with their numbers, but I'm pretty proud of that as a first-time writer and working mom with 4 young kids.

20 - Share with us a random fact or two.

I'm afraid I've already overshared. *yikes* But here we go.

I'm the oldest of 6 kids. The first 4 of us are all 23 months apart, then 27 months apart, and 25 months apart. So, we're essentially every 2 years for 10 years with all of our birthdays clustered together. 3 boys and 3 girls.

I had the chicken pox for my eighth birthday. My grandparents came to visit for my birthday, but they were afraid of getting shingles. So, I had to stay in my bedroom on the second floor, and they stayed on the first floor for the whole time they were visiting. I still remember standing in the hallway near the dining room while they sang happy birthday. One of my siblings blew out the candles for me and my mom brought me a piece of cake in the hallway. (Man, I'm still rocking those depressing TTPD vibes, aren't I?) I was officially not contagious the day my mom came home from the hospital with baby #5 in our family, and I remember being so excited to be healthy enough to hold my baby brother.

Sheesh. Now you probably won't ever ask me anything again. Between TTPD, 6x6, and the angst I'm supposed to be writing right now, I'm coming up with some strange answers.

Sorry to be the Eeyore in the crowd. Thanks for asking me to play though.

Ask game

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[mx-piggy]

Time for my weekly Futurama review! Definitely a mixed bag with this one but all-in-all I didn't hate it. Spoilers ahead!! (Also, I talk a bit about next week's episode, Zapp Gets Cancelled, at the end, because I felt like writing about that over this episode) I'm really curious to see if I'm the only one who didn't like this episode, so feel free to let me know how you felt about this episode.

So, this episode is probably my least favourite so far. It did have things that I appreciated and that made me chuckle, but as a whole I just didn't find it overly entertaining or engaging, as someone who never really found all that Covid/pandemic/lockdown/etc. very funny. If this episode had come out a couple of years ago, it might have felt less tired. I know that Covid is very much still a thing, but this episode really feels late. Probably the best thing I can say about this episode was that it didn't say anything disagreeable? Though, I'll be honest, it barely held my attention.

My main problem with this episode was that it felt really unfocused and like it didn't really know what it wanted to do beyond 'Covid episode'. The only storyline that went anywhere was Hermes', and I was really happy that Hermes got a lot of focus this episode because he's really under-utilised as a character. But, and maybe this is just me being kinda stupid, but I don't feel like it really fit with the rest of the episode? Maybe it was some kind of commentary I just didn't understand, but I just don't get why voodoo was the right cure for the virus. 'Zombie virus' just didn't feel like it fit with the explovid virus. So, the whole episode just felt kind of confusing on what it was going for (other than 'Covid episode) because the only continuous storyline that went anywhere was Hermes', which was sort of fun but at the same time it feels so out-of-place with the rest of the episode that the concept just fell flat for me. If I'm missing something, please explain it to me in the comments.

EDIT: I also really wasn’t a fan of the whole LaBarbara still cheating on Hermes thing.

EDIT: I did like parts of the Fry and Leela subplot too.

I just think having an episode centred just on a virus was kind of a tired and dull idea. I thought it was a clever idea to have the Omicronians creating division by spreading misinformation and using this to invade, but that storyline went nowhere either, and was obviously just there so they could make an Omicron joke. It could have been a cool idea for the main plot of the episode, but I knew it couldn't go anywhere because they didn't introduce it until they were fifteen minutes in.

This is probably the trickiest review I've written so far because this episode felt like a whole lot of nothing to me. There were so many plot points that just didn't connect, and I've forgotten a lot of things that happened in this episode as a result. It felt more like moments of social commentary and like they had nothing interesting to say about Covid or the pandemic era (I feel weird calling it that, but I can't think of what else to call it). I had similar frustrations with the Impossible Stream for having nothing new or interesting to say about streaming services. But, at the very least, the Impossible Stream had a relatively cohesive story, really funny jokes and an attempt at a sci-fi premise with the streaming suit thing.

I think the best thing they could have done with Rage Against the Vaccine was if they went all-in with either the Omicronian invasion story, or if they made it feel more natural to draw the 'zombie virus' conclusion. Or, they could have done a mutant-related story. Or, just something more focused that didn't make the episode feel like a series of scenes that made two years too late social commentary. Point is, I think they still could have done a 'Covid episode' with a far more interesting premise and an engaging plot, rather than 10 minutes of Hermes in New New Orleans and 12 minutes of barely connected scenes.

The closest episode this can be compared to is Cold Warriors, which I really like. The premise felt really interesting and since it came out a decade before the pandemic it wasn't trying to be topical. It was trying to be an interesting sci-fi premise, whilst also having a nice subplot. This episode fails spectacularly at delivering an interesting story, because it barely has a story.

I also think it can be compared to Related to Items You've Viewed, which was 'topical' in that it looked at Amazon, its mistreatment of its workers, and how inescapable Amazon feels in this day and age. It's not a perfect episode, but it did have a lot going for it outside of the pretty solid Amazon commentary that was delivered with far more subtlety than this episode, that being a genuinely interesting exploration of Fry, Leela and Bender's new dynamic. The episode would have been far worse if it had just been 22 minutes of Amazon jokes.

There were some things I liked in Rage Against the Vaccine. I did actually find the sight gag of everyone wearing their masks wrong kind of funny and clever. Again, I really liked Hermes' storyline because it felt far more interesting than anything else in the episode (plus, it's Hermes, c'mon). I thought it was fun to see the Merpeople of Atlanta again. And I liked the Angry Dome.

I really didn't have high hopes for this episode, but I was still pretty disappointed with it, especially since last week's episode was my favourite of the season so far.

I'm hoping Zapp Gets Cancelled will be better than Rage Against the Vaccine, and I'm hoping that this will be a 'topical' episode like Related to Items You've Viewed, where it's not just untimely, repetitive social commentary that has all the subtlety of a baseball bat to the skull. It seems like the episode will give Leela some focus, with her replacing Zapp as captain of the Nimbus. I'm praying that the plot isn't 'Leela gets borderline sexually harassed by Zapp again, so Zapp gets cancelled and Leela gets to take over his job because she was the one who got harassed by him', because I don't like the connotations of that storyline (that being women who speak out against mistreatment are invariably rewarded). Zapp's usually a really funny character even in minor roles, so I'm hoping that this episode will be strong humour-wise.

[secretmellowblog]

i'm really sorry about spnblr, sending love (and as a non american your nov 5th post resonated!)

Thank you, thank you, it means a lot!!!!!!!!!!!! To be honest, I expected blowback on my "the November 5th 2020 hysterical site meltdown was at its heart about the stressful political times and not the supernatural fandom" post, and I knew what I was walking into-- I mean, there's really nothing more Iconically Superwholock than dogpiling on a random person for their opinions on fandom stuff! I have been getting far more agreement than pushback, for the record! And it's honestly very worthwhile/funny/even heartbreaking reading through the comments, and remembering the wild political terror, despair, horror, and exhilaration that day involved. Someone reminded me that the Covid vaccines hadn't even been released yet-- we were still in the phase where we feared there might never be publicly available vaccines, and we would just all have to wait our turns to die! Remember that? Another person compared November 5th to the way you often laugh hysterically after a near-death experience; after barely surviving a car crash, suddenly the smallest things can be very funny. I do think the Frivolous Fandom News everyone latched onto on November 5th had to be a Big Fandom Ship with a wide reach that had lots of nostalgic value and a reputation as an iconic Tumblr Thing(tm), because that's the core of what makes it so funny. But again, it could've been Johnlock becoming canon-- it's not really about the specific fandom. (I also think some people are reading that original post uncharitably XD. I said it could have been any frivolous inane fandom news, yeah, but I also did say that it had to be something with a comparable level of Reach--which to me means a similar level of 'dashboard osmosis'/reputation as a tumblr ship/nostalgic value/etc. Yes, things would have looked different if it had been another fandom with comparable reach, but still. The reason I didn't go into depth about that angle was because I think people overemphasize the fandom side of it already, and I didn't want to make another post on that haha.)

But even the pushback I'm getting from Supernatural fans is so far just very entertaining to me. It's very "Potterheads, grab your wands!" ("Supernatural fans, grab your wayward sons?" ) As someone who's also been on the other end of genuinely vicious hateful bigoted threatening dogpiles, this is really nothing so far. It's a bunch of people with ''221BintheTardiswithCastiel" URLS bopping me on the head with an empty cardboard paper towel roll for daring to Remember the Fifth of November as I actually experienced it XD.

[dollsonmain]

Random babbling

That lot of dolls with Jetta is on track to arrive tomorrow. It’s in Hagerstown today which is one stop away from our delivery hub.

The other Goodwill buys haven’t shipped, yet.

There’s a mystery package OFD that’s coming from where MiL lives so either she’s sent something for That Guy or Son and forgot to tell me. She usually tells me when there’s a package for Son so I can let her know when it’s arrived, so might be for That Guy. It was his birthday this past weekend.

-

Things have been disappearing lately.

The take out food containers I’d been reusing to work on dolls and ponies all just vanished at once. All of them. Poof. They’re the shallow, plastic ones with lids. One of the boys must have recycled the whole lot of them. Don’t like that. I used them a lot to hold things while working on things, keep them separate, keep them off the counter or touching other things I’m working on if it’s something gross like rusty tails, etc.

It’s frustrating to have something I use a lot suddenly gone.

Another thing is the cleaning cloths. That was a pack of 12 and I can locate about half as many, now.

However, I have caught myself throwing those in the trash without thinking a time or two, like I would a paper towel. I may have thrown them out and not realized.

-

I realized that I have That Guy’s credit score in my hands and that’s very weird. I could easily rack up his card pushing him into over-use (though his credit limit is really high so that would be rather difficult), or not pay the bills without saying anything and let it go to collections.

Not that I would do either of those things. It’s just weird that, in a situation and relationship where I’m very much cut off from money in such a way that I can’t stash any away in my savings or use it to buy what and from where I actually want (like dolls and stuff off of stores like Mandarake), I also have that kind of possible influence.

It seems illogical.

-

I barely ate this past week, and that’s very likely contributed to my hard crash over the weekend.

I did eventually get through the bag of apples other than two that I had to toss because they were prematurely gross. I ate all of the peppers. Ate the loaf of bread and 2 pieces from the bag of pitas. The boys ate a good deal of the pita chips I’d made. I know I ate 1 stove top and 1 microwave ramen at some point, and I think 2 TV dinners.

For a whole week, that’s not much food at all.

But also I’ve noticed things don’t smell or taste right again. The microwave ramen smelled like elephant poop, and lots of different things have smelled and tasted like play-doh. I wonder if I picked up covid again at that school meeting and am just not having many symptoms this time, or if it’s the same occasional Smell Wrong that I’d been experiencing since the first couple bouts of covid a few years back.

But it triggered a memory of having a similar kind of problem causing food aversion a long time ago and now I’m wondering if that bout of diagnosed anorexia was really a months-long struggle with an unrecognized viral infection.

Though I do still have the body dysmorphia (50 pounds ago I felt like I look the way I do now).

-

I’ve been inundated with makeup and hair videos on Instagram again, likely because I interact with doll faceups and styling videos.

It’s.... How to say....

I still find it uncomfortable that so many people feel obligated to go to such lengths to make themselves look different than they are.

Like, grooming is one thing. Being clean, you know? Putting some goop on your skin so it’s not itchy and cracking and you’re not picking up little infections. that kind of thing. Grooming.

But it’s so much of curly haired people straightening it, straight haired people curling it, wear a wig even though it’s itchy, put on those fake lashes, your nose is the wrong shape regardless of the shape it is so change it with makeup, do not dare to have uneven skintone...

I think that I am very lucky to be ok with how I look. Like, I don’t find myself attractive, but I also don’t feel a need to put on makeup or spend lots of time styling my hair into a shape it doesn’t want to be.

I found the haircut that suits my hair and it happens to be a wash-and-wear cut, too. I have lots of pimples and pick at them because they annoy me but don’t feel a need to cover them up.

Which has nothing to do with people that do their hair and makeup in a way that ISN’T meant to conform to “beauty norms” and do it to be more colorful and for fun.

I think I am lucky in that because so many people can’t feel content in their own skin.

(Though, going back to the body dsymorphia thing, I do feel a need to cover up my body because it feels like I’m doing the general public a disservice if I don’t, and that’s silly.)

-

Also thought it was funny that Volks released Tall Wolf Man BJD, and then Luts was like Oh? GIANT Cat Man BJD, then!!!!

[dropintomanga]

Thoughts on the Fragmentation of Fandom

Now that summer pop culture convention season is over, it's time to reflect as we're slowly heading to another year.

This year, I really got into K-Pop via 4th-generation girl groups like NewJeans and LE SERRAFIM. KCON LA 2023 happened and while I didn't go, I read how packed and lively the experience minus the crowding, weather, and a number of attendees getting COVID. The article review of KCON LA that I read mentions something I was thinking about - the fragmentation of fandom.

While K-Pop's fanbase is very diverse and inclusive, there are problems facing an industry that seems to be pushing out hit performing acts with little to no problems. One of which is fandom being fragmented (according to a business insider). Algorithms have catered K-Pop lovers to super-specific tastes. It's much harder for new acts to break through compared to years past.

Recently, at San Diego Comic-Con 2023, there was a manga publishers' roundtable panel that discussed a variety of industry topics - one being what will happen with manga in the next few years. Ed Chavez, of DENPA Books, said that there might be consolidation in the manga industry and competition from publishers for titles will really pick up. It's possible that things will become fractured and swallowed up.

Doesn't this sound similar to what's happening with K-Pop today?

Now one might be wondering - "Isn't this great? There's something for everyone no matter what!" There is a problem in that because everyone's interested in their own thing, they won't necessarily check out other things that are under the same umbrella (i.e. Star Trek fans not checking out Doctor Who despite both falling under science fiction). This is due to a variety of factors from being shunned by other fan groups to a general lack of interest in anything but their fandom.

I feel that most fan convention organizers want everyone to stand together united under the same umbrella of fandom because at the end of the day, we're all fans of stuff that has made our lives joyful.

It is hard to reach people when everything is fragmented as hell. I look at the amount of K-Pop groups and manga being put into the eyeballs of U.S. fans and there's a lot to take in. It makes me wonder how are the record labels and manga publishers able to get attention and make ends meet.

In my experience, I found a K-Pop group I truly liked through a very random YouTube video about 2023 hits in the 1st half of the year. For certain manga, I manage to find out about them through the chaos of Twitter most of the time. It's really tough to find stuff if you don't know where to look or have a centralized location for everything related to one topic.

There are database websites that try their best out there, but I don't know. In some ways, they're also fragmented as well. A online manga database may unite everyone in the manga sphere and still be ignored by the greater comics scene in general. If a fan of Western comics wants to check out manga for the 1st time, it can get rough to find what you're looking for because the internet still feels like the Wild West at times due to how specific things have become.

One thing I worry about the most is when diversity, which is sometimes affected by fragmentation, becomes just something to fill in to please people without putting in the effort and resources to promote it. You see this with certain media properties being pushed because they're very friendly towards women/minorities/etc. And when some of them bomb, the executives pushing those works say statements like "Isn't this what you wanted? Well, you fans suck. We're not going to make anymore." But what if you never put any real investment in ensuring the work is actually diverse? What if the process behind the work was terrible in the first place?

I guess I'm saying that fragmentation can lead to fan-blaming and under-resourcing in a very bad way.

In mental health, fragmentation isn't seen as a good thing compared to other parts of life. I try to remind myself that I'm still small in the grand scheme of life and I'm not just a fan of so-and-so. It's also way too easy to get overwhelmed by information we're "supposed" to keep up with.

I just want everyone to remember that despite how different we are, we're all fans of something because life is just hard and we do need moments of escape from it. We've all been shunned for not being a part of what constitutes normal. Those are universal truths we can all admit. We're all fragments that can be pieced together into a communal-made gem where the universal aspects of what make fandom great shine.

[willel]

I am confused here because I think the lab being involved in the Byers family situation pretty much explains things better than all of the stuff happening as a consequence. With the 'lab was involved, too' scenario you just have to explain things and expand on them. Because the other scenario too depending on several consequences; Vecna finding out Will's existence on that very same night and ending up lucky that he somehow found (luckily) a person who was similar to him with potential unlocked powers, El somehow recognizing Will as a consequence because that's ''what was expected from her powers'', Brenner onlu faking Will's death and not bothering with the other victim's deaths because the other victims did not matter so it was a consequence. Will somehow manipulating things in the UD because... consequence and random things, it just happened that way plotwise. Like, isn't that worse as a plot explanation?

(rambling incoming)

But you'd need to explain the Byers being completely and totally unaware of anything about the lab at all. That is key here. That is a LOT that they just "oopsie forgot to mention".

It's pretty clear the Byers had no idea about the lab or anything strange in season 1. It's clear Joyce didn't know Brenner or the lab in general while she was there. Lonnie is a deadbeat scumbag living in Indianapolis, too absentee to even sell off his kids.

How do you connect the dots of the Byers being totally oblivious to all this stuff in season 1? I can't wrap my head around this.

Hopper had a whole box of Hawkins lab files under his cabin about all the tests and experiments going on there with Terry and the kids, but he neglected to ever mention Joyce, Lonnie, Will, or Jonathan being wrapped up in all this stuff?

When I read those theories, it just reads as

Joyce/Lonnie got Will involved with the lab

Henry/El meet Will

???

Memory loss arc because none of the Byers have ever acknowledged any connections with the lab. Henry yes. The lab, no.

It might just be a difference in preference, but I find it much more believable that:

Vecna/the Demogorgon was chasing El that night

Either on purpose or accident, switched targets to Will and dragged him into the Upside Down

Upon his capture, discovers Will is a perfect kind of host/sympathizer and spends at least 1 season so far trying to keep Will chained down and will probably do so again

As for El's role in all this, I detailed it in my other post. I concluded the most likely scenario being El saw Will getting kidnapped either in person or through her mind's eye. All we can say for sure is that she recognized him. They can't have known each other or met more than once because we can't ignore the fact that Will did not know her prior and continues not to know her for another whole season.

This mixture of coincidence/accident turned into purposeful action on Henry's part makes a lot more sense to me.

Imagine this scenario.

It's in the middle of covid. You're confined to your house but you REALLY want this cool fancy cup you found online. You order the cup. They deliver the wrong cup. You're annoyed but you decide to use the cup anyway. Come to find out, this wrong cup is actually super awesome. Maybe it's not as expensive and cool as the cup you wanted, but it suits you just fine. Every now and then, the delivery driver tries to break into your house and take your cup back and eventually they succeed. It pisses you off because you actually liked that wrong cup and want it back. You still don't have the actual cup you originally ordered so you just sit in your house pissed off, trying to find ways to get back at the delivery driver for taking your wrong cup. Something like that.

That is how I think this situation happened.

Henry wanted El. He sent his delivery driver (the demogorgon) to get her. The Demogorgon delivered the wrong kid. Henry accepted it and just went with it and came to found out, this kid is also pretty good for what he wanted to do. He smacked a "MY PROPERTY" stamp on Will's forehead and got pissed when they took him back. Cue the rest of the series.

I think people who believe absolutely EVERYTHING that happened to Will was an accident are wrong. I also don't think the Byers have been involved in all this from the very start, it's too much missing information to fill in.

I don't remember the exact wording, but in the scripts it said something like, "Not siblings by blood, but by circumstances". That one line explains the entirety of WillEl and Will's involvement in this stuff.

You know how El is the fish out of water when it comes to normal every life? Well Will is the opposite. He's the fish out of water when it comes to the Upside Down mess and lab stuff. Living a normal life with friends and family was not El's reality. But it's her reality now. The lab/Henry was not Will's story, but it's becoming his story whether he likes it or not.

I know ST has plotholes and stuff they fill in after the fact, but it's usually to the benefit of a story they're trying to tell. They added onto El's backstory to explain the man behind the Mind Flayer. The backstory of the lab and them being trapped there together and him pushing her to her limits and getting banished to the Upside Down... that's crucial stuff that NEEDED the lab to be involved. (I'm of the firm belief subject 0 or 1 was always planned, though they could've executed it better)

Will being tied to the lab isn't necessary in comparison. You'd not only have to explain why he'd be there in the first place, but also his parents. To our knowledge, Hawkins publicly accepted adults for MKUltra.

I think in the books, it specifically states adults without dependents/children are eligible so Joyce would've been rejected and so would Lonnie (books are only half canon so eh). MKUltra was performed on adults. The child program was secret. Those kids weren't recruited off the street, they were taken under extraordinary circumstances and even reported missing.

You'd have to introduce an entirely new subplot like "So, actually when Will was younger they gave parents money to bring their kids in for some tests. And Joyce/Lonnie did this once. He met El and Henry. And then nothing happened and everyone forgot about the lab and the weird test they went to take."

Or "Joyce was a part of MKUltra or almost was but then returned to a normal life after" when we know good and well Brenner is not above kidnapping newborn infants from his previous test subjects. Will 100% would've been taken just like El.

Instead, just saying "Will quite literally got wrapped up in all of this due to mistaken identity -a common occurrence between him and El btw- and has never known peace since because the mistaken identity situation actually lead to actual similarities between the two." makes the most sense, connects all the dots, and doesn't need the writers to write a contrived reason why Will was already involved with the lab before.

It'd be like you met someone on the street and they look just like you. You joke around like "What if we were long lost siblings lol" and then it turns out you actually are. Not saying Will and El are blood related, just that concept of something so surface level ending up being deeper.

How I see it, Will and El's stories are almost exactly the same but in reverse. El's life started in the lab/supernatural and it's slowly becoming more normal. Will's life was completely normal and now it's been slowly seeping into the supernatural.

El was kidnapped by the lab/Brenner. Will was kidnapped by the Upside Down/Henry.

El's story has been about her building it up piece by piece, gaining everything in life she lacked. Will's life, while not great, was once whole and has been falling apart piece by piece in comparison.

When El was with the group, Will was missing. When Will was in the group, El was missing.

To me, if Will's backstory is tied into the lab, the very foundations that make Will and El mirror images of each other weakens.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I’ve had a feeling this was coming. The combination of Matty repeatedly making a point to tell us they aren’t going anywhere, Jamie stressing that this is the last set of shows for a while, and Adams ATPOAIM episode is what did it for me. I couldn’t imagine them jumping right back into another album cycle after the year they’ve had, either. I didn’t even expect this second leg on tour.

It’s heartbreaking to hear confirmation, but besides COVID, they’ve been going nonstop for a decade. Longer breaks just seem inevitable as they get older.

He says a lot of stuff that doesn’t come to pass (he also said they’d take a long break after Notes which didn’t pan out), but he also speaks very deliberately. He seemed nervous when he said it, and the vibe shifted majorly, he knows the weight those words hold. Maybe they’ll make a return in 2025 or 2026 instead of the usual two year cycle.

Anyways, I’m hoping this means his solo project sees the light of day.

Yeah I think you’re right. It’s been a wild ride, the album cycle, right? With everything that’s happened, coming back from Covid and all.

I was talking to @abiiors about this, and, we were saying how this might be a similar thing to what ended up happening with the Arctic Monkeys. There were a few years when they paused. As their families and personal lives grew. And we got TLSP in the meantime. You know?

And, like, let me make a disclaim rn cuz some of y’all in my asks and dms need to fuckin chill. Im NOT saying I don’t want the boys to rest. They SHOULD. It made sense for them to operate the way that they’ve been operating for the past decade because they were establishing a career. They were practically children. From Drive Like I do, to The EPs. By the time ST was a thing they were like 23. They’re grown men in their mid 30s now. Mentally, socially, physically, their lives look very different. They’ve been in serious relationships now. Baby boy Hann is growing up and Hann has been on the road for most of these big important milestones as a father.

It just doesn’t make sense for them to keep going the way that they have been. Ross is now a producer. George has produced a bunch of other records. Matty’s broadened out and made friends with Phoebe and Jack Antonoff (who may or may not be his solo project producer). The boys are growing up. (That’s was going to be the subject of my ‘essay’ on BFIAFL btw. That’s why I’d called it ‘boys to men’ like as a pun on Boys II Men.) that means that their art and their jobs are going to grow and change as well. Slowing down is essential.

And while we’re on the subject, I don’t think that the way they’ve been going for the past 10 years is sustainable. It’s not right. Not healthy. You guys know how Matty always says “we create in the same way that we consume”? It’s true. Because of streaming, post-modernity, etc (especially post-Covid), our consumption of art and entertainment has changed. We have shorter cultural attention spans. A song that came out 6 months ago is already old news today. So, with Notes, Matty has talked about wanting to keep putting out records as long as he has something meaningful to say and as long as culture is hungry for more. And while that might sound like great news for us as fans cuz it just means that we’ll always have new content around the corner. But let’s step back from that for a moment, yes?

That’s not healthy for him. He has already worked himself to the bone over the past ten years. Even at his worst and darkest moments he was making music. And he’s a bit of a workaholic. Sure, he doesn’t have a family just yet, but that doesn’t mean he should do this to himself. Obviously, it’s his world and his life and if he feels okay to keep doing things a certain way, that’s his business. I’m just saying that as fans, our investment in the boys doesn’t begin and end with consumption and creation. I’m interested (as I’m sure many, if not all of us) in his health and sanity. I can cite endless examples of great artists from the past few decades who burnt out hard and crashed because they didn’t want to “waste the moment” or tried to capitalize on their fame when it hit peak levels. I’m personally really proud of Matty for doing this past year clean / off the drugs, and in tip top physical health. What I wish for him, whether he chooses to pursue it or not, is that he would give himself time to be bored. Stop and learn how to deal with the quietness of mundane everyday life. Cuz, that can fuck a person up. Sometimes, when you’re so used to the lifestyle that the boys have lived for the last 10 years, just going home and being with the people that you love feels like torture. And people easily start self-destructive habits to cope with that. I want him to learn all that on his own terms, you know?

My sincerest wish for him is that he will continue the tremendous growth that he’s shown over the last few years. By leaning even harder into the healthy habits that he seems to have established for himself mentally and physically. Not backtrack and fall on the old nonsense. But in order to be able to do one or the other he needs to actually HAVE TIME. We all know this is a real issue for him. That’s what fuckin RoadKill is about. “When I think I won’t die from stopping.” “Not really how babies get made,” etc. it would genuinely be healthy for him to feel like he’s gonna die from stopping and then learn that he won’t actually die.

So that he can come back and be creating from a place of security and mortal dread. To pick up a guitar/ pen/ whatever he uses to write because he wants to and he has something to say, not cuz if he doesn’t, he might go insane.

This is true for all of the boys, Ross is the other ostensibly single one whose immediate private life might feel quiet too. (For all we know. Like he might be in a serious relationship that’s not our business.) really this is true for all 4 of them. And of all the people who have loved and supported them over the past 10 years. This isn’t easy on family and loved ones and their live musicians and crew either.

If they have to miss and album cycle or two, then so be it. Maybe we will get Matty’s solo record. Maybe we’ll get DLID, maybe that weird feature film that he’s been writing for as long as I can remember, maybe, maybe, maybe….. all that would be great but not necessary.

HAVING SAID ALL OF THATTTTT. Let’s not fuck around. For many of us, the 1975 has been the constant, comfort, strength, love, meaning etc. and it going away for however long that will be, is LEGITIMATELY A SAD THING. There is absolutely no reason to minimize or trivialize that pain. Or feel that you are selfish or don’t care about the boys, or any less of a fan, just because you find that having to imagine a future when SATVB isn’t on tomorrow or the day after, and we aren’t hyperfixating on or analyzing Matty’s cryptic speeches or thirsting after his torso extremely sad/ difficult/ bittersweet/ lonely/ scary. C’mon. Some people have been in this fandom since ST (not me), that’s their whole fuckin life, man!!!!! It IS sad. You SHOULD cry. ITS OKAY TO BE UPSET. and frankly anyone who makes people feel bad for that is a piece of shit.

Saying things like “oh they’ll be back.” “They’re not going anywhere.” “Matty will be chronically online” are all true BUT THEY DONT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THINGS ARE CHANGING. FOR GOOD. ITS OKAY TO FEEL HOWEVER YOU FEEL.

The boys are still around for the next few months. Let’s cherish them (and each other) while we still can. But imo this is not a silly subject and it’s okay to be upset.

Love y’all. The 1975 forever 🩷

[marengogo]

7 Nation Army - ZONNEBLOEM - Part 2: Living. Loving. Learning.

Listening to INDIGO by RM on repeat.

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I know I should be listening to playlists tailored to Indigo, in order to help with streaming, and I promise I will from Monday. What has been happening since Friday, is that I haven’t been able to stop listening to the album, day, night, it’s been on repeat and today for the first time I cried at the end of Change pt.2 “You can’t love someone like I do. That’s all I can say to you”. 

In a bit I’ll explain what that particular lyric meant to me. For now though I want to begin with thinking through the entirety of Indigo and its creation span: 2019 - 2022; from when he was 26 until 29. Indigo, thus far, is truly an album that has gone as close to one’s true feelings as an artist like Namjoon can, or rather, is able to. At least for now. 

[Up to this point I was writing with my own feelings ONLY. Then I got the notification of RM 'Indigo' Album Magazine Film which was very profound and kinda confirmed a lot of what i was going to write based on pure speculation. So I watched it and now I’m back to writing.]

If you’ve read a couple of my blogs you might be familiar with my writing style. I have what you would call a storyteller’s style. I think that events, be it a second in a moment, or life in general, have a defined structure, with a start, a mid section, and an end. Such is life after all; we are born, we live and then we die. 

Even within stories that have yet no ending or which start you are unaware of, within the context in which you begin narrating them, that will be your start, the moment you stop, that will be its end. Reason why, for the most part, people tend to love backstories and hate unfinished-stories. 

Backstories give you motive for things, sometimes even a justification if you will, something that you hope can help others better understand you and reasons for the things you do. Whereas unfinished stories are unsettling, the uncertainty-of-it-all is damning and the “what-ifs'' will literally drive someone crazy, because what if it happens to me? What if my story/life turns out to be unfinished? …”

All this just to appreciate and fawn over this man, even more than I already do. This wonderful man whose extreme mental affinity with mine was the reason why I even began to seriously get into BTS in the first place. From what I’ve gathered thus far, when it comes to creating art, we have a similar thought process, which is the storytelling approach that I’ve been talking about. 

There is a reason. Yup. And I felt it. From the moment he told us that this was “the last archive of my twenties” and then when he went even in more depth and explained that this was the period “from him being 26 to 29”, made even more sense why it felt like the 10 tracks seemed to be a natural progression with Yun being a Prologue and No.2 being an Epilogue to this chapter in his life.

If you watch RM 'Indigo' Album Magazine Film  he indeed goes very much in depth, and does confirm and explain about the times and ages of when he wrote some of the songs. If you think about it, his twenties began when they debuted in 2013 and up to circa 2016, all they had been doing, saying and singing was more or less a reflection of the people they were and they hoped to become; and then entered WINGS. The Wings Era was probably the first time they noticed that the face they saw in the more wasn’t themselves but some sort of mask.

This song being “Wild Flower”, basically Namjoon has been struggling for the majority of his 20s and no thanks to COVID. 2018, they survived disbandment. 2019, was supposed to be the beginning of their Chapter 2. Come 2020, the world would halt and he would have to keep living with this emotion, added to new ones, until now, 2022. 

And oh I find it so fitting that the person who produced (and co-wrote) “Wild Flower” is DOCSKIM, the same producer for “Lie” and “Outro: Tear”. It really makes so much sense. 

And can you imagine being the reason for another artist to not give up art? I mean! This man is the reason why Jimin could give a voice to his turmoil and our rapline could put their suffering to bed. He is a genius to me! Yet, he is human and like a flower he needed some water, among the many things, to keep flourishing, same as Namjoon, same as me, same as you.

Namjoon proceeds by saying that he wrote frog_tful at the age of 26, so in 2019. The whole conversation with him and Kim Sawol was so interesting and insightful. That aside, what really stood out for me is him mentioning and drilling in the fact that he has close friends, who aren’t the members. I do feel that sometimes this fandom has the notion that the members, except for Tae, only have each other. In reality, Jin aside, they all seem to have quite the big circle of close friends, famous and not. 

This to once again underline just how much we don’t know about their personal lives or just themselves as a whole. But isn’t this great?! Isn’t it great that somehow unbeknownst to us they still try their best to live, love and learn? This is literally what this album is about: The chronicles of Kim Namjoon’s living, loving and learning stories 2019-2022, and some. 

And amongst many other points (such as him hating hotel rooms) another point that was stressed in this album was that “Things change. People change. Everything change”. Yes. He did change and keeps changing. Who doesn’t? That is a direct reaction from the action of living. It’s the result of allowing yourself to love, and be loved and just as well as to hurt and be hurt. And after all that, there is always a lesson to be learned; now whether you attend that class or not, it’s entirely up to you. All shade, lately I’ve been strongly feeling that some ARMY could indeed use a closer look to the lyrics of this song, matter of fact, the entire album … jussayin.

 “You can’t love someone like I do. That’s all I can say to you”. Guess what? The same goes for everyone on this planet and this just seems to get lost in translation every fucking time. Don’t pardon my French. Love, love, love; can’t live with it, can’t live without it. There is a particular person in my family that keeps not understanding how much I love them, I'm pretty sure they think I don’t: how am I supposed to come out to them and have them understand the way I love when they don’t seem to understand even the basic form of it?

Yeah … I hope people understand how hard it is to live trapped in a room with your own Truth, constantly begging you to let them be free. “Set the Truth free and the truth will set you free” so they say, some heavy ass catch 22 uh? Honestly, I could go on and on and on talking about this album. In conclusion, I have been waiting for an album like this. Something that would keep me and my Truth company while we try to figure things out through all those times.

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💙,

Marengo.

I promise I have forgotten of WWH, I just needed this to be out before I tried to catch some more sleep.

[constermonster]

What’s university life like? I’m going to art school next year and I’m nervous about making friends lol

Hi! I’m so sorry I’m super late to this ask!!

Uhhh university life is good! Its pretty easy to make friends coz everyone else is also wanting to make friends and probably knows no one else there. As an anxious person being in places where I dont know anyone makes me feel sick, but I survived LOL and made tons of friends! For us it was especially hard because of like covid and lockdowns and school being all online for a year, so it should b much easier nowadays. Also when u go to uni ur an adult so u can basically do anything! You can go shopping, you can go to bars and clubs you can just GO OUT! It’s so fun! So there’s probably plenty of things for u to do with friends, and u can use it as an excuse to just invite new ppl out to get closer with them!

The only thing I’d say is be careful of who you’re friends with. Only coz I’d probably tell this to myself starting uni, just coz I went thru a lot. I’m not tryna scare u or anything coz obvs you’re gunna have different people at your school. Due to lockdown and stuff once we had made our friends that was it and we were p much stuck with them, which was great but we were like, kinda stuck with these people that weren’t very nice and it became the norm? It’s defo gonna b much different for u tho so I wouldn’t worry too much just like keep an open mind n b nice n stuff you’re gunna have so much fun!

As for art uni, art is a hard thing to teach so idk u might feel like you’re not being taught much. But I learnt the most from my friends and other artists online so don’t let that bring u down. The best part abt art uni is the people coz they’re all into similar things as u probably! I was so surprised when I went that people knew who Hatsune Miku was coz at home I would always have to explain LMAO, there’s just like common knowledge amongst everyone and it’s so much fun! These people around you can help u learn so much, and you can teach them so much! it’s so fun to be working alongside other artists!! That’s something I’m defo gonna miss sm!

You’re gonna have an epic time! And I gotta admit, I’m kinda jealous hahaha I wish I was just starting uni :P

[sometimesrosy]

Life question incoming: I feel... inadequate. Weird. My whole life I never had a problem relating to people nor making friends. Then I had a very strict, close group that slowly turned toxic and I decided to cut ties with most. I was feeling down and sad all the time, left behind, etc. Cutting them off was good, I had a partner then and still learned how to be by myself. I had a job where I basically worked alone, no colleagues. So by the time covid hit, I was already friendless. +

+ During lockdown I didn't make friends, obviously. Barely acquaintances. After covid, I changed jobs and have colleagues with whom I get along, yey! It's been more than a year now, but I still feel lonely from time to time. Yes, sometimes I'll go to a caffee with a colleague or something. But overall, I feel like some are much more close to each other and got in around the same time as me. The person I got along the best with there left a few months ago, he was always talking to me too, +

I think you're in one of those life flows where things are quiet. A lot of us have been going through similar things because of the pandemic and other global changes, right? So it's not just you.

You might have gotten out of the habit of being social because you like being by yourself. It's not a bad thing.

I'm not the best person to answer a how to make friends ask because I'm like, really isolated out here in the country, although in my past I have dealt with this because I am very introverted, although social.

So how did I get myself out of my funk and start getting closer to people?

I remember a specific moment where I challenged myself to stop saying no so much and to start saying yes to opportunities. I friend invited me out to her new cabin in the mountains and I, introverted and change averse as I am, said YES instead of no because I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

And honestly that one change made me one of my best life friends that altered a lot of my life.

Another thing you might try is to actually initiate the conversations you want to have and the activities you want to do. Want to see a movie? Literally. Ask your aquaintance to go see it with you. Then go hang out after. I had one friend who I went every week to see movies with and they weren't really close friends, but I will forever remember that year when I saw a shit ton of movies just because.

If you need some sort of transition to make yourself intitiate, like, do it at the end of work. "Do you want to go to happy hour/coffee shop/a whatever after work? I have an hour to kill." Or like start a book club, or knitting or whatever similar hobby you might have.

I personally don't find it easy to do these things, but when you start doing them, it's easier to continue them.

[themarvelhorse]

Hi, Marvel! Hope you're doing well. Was wondering if you knew of any good causes or charities that could use more attention from folks wanting to make the world a little better.

Hello! I hope this isn't too late especially since this time of year has lots of groups and institutions asking for donations and stuff.

First off, thank you for contacting me! I appreciate you reaching out and believing that I would know a good answer to this! Bless you anon, I hope you're well too!

Second, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Admittedly I can't quite say for sure which causes or charities could use more attention. I don't like to tell people who to vote for politically even though I secretly hope they do vote for one party over another. It's satisfying enough knowing that they'll vote.

But to that point, I would like to at least provide what you may need to know!

The Small Change Fund might be what you're looking for, but its very Ontario and environmentally focused right now.

CanadaHelps is a fundraiser dedicated to streamlining the donation process, which could go a long way if you don't know where to send your support.

This can probably give a general overview of who's doing fairly well I suppose.

Charity Watch and Charity Navigator I believe are both decent places to check if you're not sure about how well said charity is spending your goodwill, they're US focused mind you.

Charity Intelligence is Canada focused version of those American charity accountability orgs, gives grades based on their need for funding and other metrics too!

It's hard to really pin down and say who to donate to, causes or charities or otherwise. The world is handling some difficult circumstances right now, and everyone seems to need help. I know a local food bank received more donations than in the past few years, but that doesn't mean stop donating. Inflation (and oligopolic grocery corporations) have made it so they really need more help.

So your local food bank could be a good place! Or maybe another organization working towards a problem you've heard about recently?

I know the American Red Cross has had its scandals in the past, but the Canadian Red Cross seems alright, as do other Red Cross organizations in countries facing challenges of their own. You could also donate to their international version, like the main ICRC one. Hard to go wrong - the Red Cross has helped in Canada with covid response (and even "post covid" with the failing provincial health system), and they support climate change action and the like. Funds are always needed before disasters to adequately respond to them when they do happen.

You could also always donate to the Sustainable Development Goals. Despite what people say about the UN and how useful it is, I truly believe its better that it exists than otherwise. Setting the SDGs is a start to making things better. The UN can be a tool for colonialism, but I'll paraphrase Romeo Dallaire - the UN can be a force for good, but how good it is depends on the member states. Its voluntary, so projects at the UN rely on member states' money, or yours. Or your vote and voice if you tell your reps that you want them to help implement the SDGs. Think Elon Musk refusing to donate $6 billion to end world hunger.

Sorry, a bit ranty there. The SDGs are good because you have your choice of goals, or can split your donation evenly among them. It covers almost every basis of improving society/life on earth for everyone.

Your home region may also have an organization dedicated to improving democracy. The Democracy Engagement Exchange, Democracy Watch, Fair Vote Canada, and Apathy is Boring are all great causes to support, you may likely have something similar wherever you are!

I mention those because at its core, I think we have a lot of undemocratic stuff going on. Which worsens or outright causes all the other problems. Did you know Canadian food banks were supposed to be temporary? The organization Food Banks Canada is trying to eliminate the need for them. Policies like those that support affordable housing are needed. So when we have a policy failure, we have a political failure, a failure of democracy when people either don't vote or feel like their vote doesn't matter, or they don't have the time to participate. You may even want to donate to a political party you believe in. They do need your money to do what they say they'll do. It's like tumblr - kinda funny that they're trying all these things to make money, but the only other ways to keep it going would be to collect and sell your data, show more and more ads, and do all kinds of dumb stuff. If parties get donations, that's less they need from rich people/corporations that have it in order to campaign and win elections and stuff. You could donate to a party that has a lot more minority representation - that'd be even more likely to get widespread support for that minority group too.

ACORN Canada is a neat organization that supports low-moderate income Canadians, there might be something there for your region!

I'd say donate to climate change orgs - 350.org, David Suzuki Foundation, Sunrise Movement, the Climate Reality Project...

Truth is, there's lots of what feels like repetition. A lot of these orgs in the same field are competing for donations. They say things like they'll run ads to advocate for change, and more money lets them spread that influence (and ofc do other things). But like, why? Why can't they just pool money for this kind of work? Wouldn't that be more effective? I don't know honestly. I haven't worked for an NGO in any such way that I'd have insight. Wish I did...

(Sorry, gotta get back on track)

Leadnow is pretty neat since they cover a lot of the things I mentioned, all in one - equity, just society, environment, democracy. They ask what their members want them to focus on, and try to facilitate advocacy campaigns around it. They're also struggling to hit their fundraising goals this year.

Also consider donating to your local marginalized group. Spend money at their businesses and the like too! It can go a long way.

Another organization that facilitates the stuff we need to address all these other issues is the Tamarack Institute. Again, Canadian, but take a look and see if your region has something similar! They work on building better communities, which means resilience, climate action, ending poverty, helping youth, and addressing equity and inclusion. In that vein, the Community Tool Box is from the University of Kansas but is freely available to use (and donate to).

Oh, also can't go wrong with the Wikipedia donations of course.

I hope this isn't overwhelming - donor fatigue is a real thing, and its hard to feel like its worth it in the end. But it really does help~

I also realize I may not have mentioned many health care orgs, which you know is a concern for me since I've added my voice in the tags enough (what're u doin in my private but publicly available tag thoughts anyway HUH?! Jkjk I never realized this may come back to me someday lol). Truth is though, I'm not well versed in those - there's a lot and even individual hospitals around here need donations to fund what they do. It fuckin sucks.

In sum: Decide what you believe is important. Everyone from their own field will say their own thing is most important. It's hard to argue for or against it since I don't quite know every field. Causes that need more attention might be more local and need community support, or they might need funds to be more impactful even if the organization is big. But that's probably because the problem is big and doesn't get the attention it needs. Or it could cover so many other issues, or it may (appear to) be the core where the problem stems from. Its hard to parse, I know, but I do hope this helped in some way.