#i say as a trans guy with long hair who wishes he could look as masc as Noel does

[arthur-lesters-spinal-cord]

your noel transgenderification tags. the thing is. the thing is. we're never told his name is short for charles. do you hear me? we don't know that for sure. people assumed. but listen. he's transgender. he's trans and he goes by charlie (people run up and start dragging me off stage) he's trans and it would have been harder to change his name (fighting for my life) so he just shortened it.he sh(they take away my mic and i'm dragged off stage) (this is a hc i've had for a while. thank you)

God anon you get me, trans Noel for the win!

Here drawn just now specially for you

[kawaiibarty]

UMMM if this is not an intrusive question, could you pls explain the process of you transitioning? Like whatever made you feel you were with the wrong body? And how did it bother you sm? This is plain curiosity. If u wish pls help me understand.

ahhhh hi hi it's not intrusive at all!

so for me it was really something that took time for me to understand because i didn't know that people were allowed to feel different yk

when i was a child i wore boys clothes because it made me feel happy, during playtime i called dibs on the boy characters, my avatars in video games were exclusively male.

i felt really uncomfortable wearing certain things like skirts and certain shirts and even different types of shoes. my mom said i was really picky and difficult about it lol.

for a while i sort of started wearing skirts and stuff, around 11 to 13 yrs old but, idk it was an odd period for me. i just wanted to be someone my mother liked yk. anyway, for most of my schooling id been in an all girls school up until gr7 when i moved cross country and schools. this new school was co-ed and it was really weird because i felt excluded a lot of the time because i wasn't...yk i didn't act like most of the girls and the people i thought id fit in with didn't like the way i did things LOL. i just felt alienated and like an imposter because i wasn't doing....girl right? iykwim

then i went to highschool a year later and i was shoved back into an all girls class for two years where i realised i properly like girls, except i thought i was homophobic because i didn't like the lesbian label or the bisexual label even though id tried out both at some point. it was like, i know i like girls and i haven't liked a guy properly but that doesn't make me lesbian because...but what if it does because im a girl, right? (spoiler alert, i do like guys and i realised that i could use the label queer without it being a slur also cue asexuality)

anyway, i was introduced to non-binary and it was a reaaaal relief. im telling you, once i was seen as something that wasn't an uncomfortable little girl it was good. but it still didn't feel right so i toyed around with androgyny except i didn't like how uncertain it made me feel yk?

im not saying that people who are enby or androgynous are wholly uncertain but i didn't want to feel like a poseur because i KNEW what i wanted but i didn't know if it was real.

i dont remember when this happened but somebody introduced me to he/they and they/he pronouns and i grasped onto that and it was okay for a while. still didn't feel like i was going it right because i had long hair and wore skirts and was still called a girl or non-binary and i hated my name and everything about the uncertainty yk? like it just came back out of nowhere

then one day this little boy comes up to me, i kid you not it's a CORE MEMORY for me, but this kid approaches me and he's like "are you a boy or a girl" and i start panicking because im not a girl and i hate being a girl and im not a boy because...i mean i don't even look like one right? so i ask him "what do you think i am?" and he says, without even thinking about "you look like a boy. i think you're a boy." and

yk, ive never smiled so wide in my life. i told him "yeah you're right" and he FISTBUMPS ME and im all giddy and excited and i text my best friend @d-rxse and im like OMGOMG YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED DUDE anyway that was three years ago

then i got moved to a co-ed class

it kind of went to shit after that because as soon as i came out as trans i got a new boyfriend and he had never dated a trans person before so for a while he used he/they pronouns for me and we called each other boyfriends up until maybe april of last year where he told me he was uncomfortable with it

so i was an idiot and threw away all my progress and said "you can call me your gf and use they/them pronouns and she/her in front of your friends" and yeah 👍🏼 progress gone. down the drain.

i fixed it tho, by the end of last year i was so done with his bullshit, i broke up with him a week after school started this year, cut my hair short, changed my name, pronouns and got a new phone. cut him out of my life completely. ive never been happier

[demvalhaken]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! Just some super cool arts

If I EVER had the patience to write and draw the Catecis comic, it’d look like this

This is just a grasshopper sailor out on the Waspian port

I was thinking about naming him Sir. Irian like the Iris flower. The thing is I have to differentiate him from Iris, a male monarch Butterfly across the entire world. Or Sir. Astroway as his last name is Astroway due to his sailor family using stars as a way to travel.

About my long break: Look guys, I haven’t been doing well mentally. I am in a depressive state, I am sleep deprived, I am done with life. To draw so much and pour your time and skill into an artwork only for a few likes can be frustrating. I don’t post my art for fame or love, I do it to share my ocs and ideas, I don’t want the masses to flock, I just want recognition for my work. I didn’t really mean to take a break, I get distracted very easily and forget to post. I wish I could post more but art takes time, I have to develop ideas and passion due to my constant art block and burnout. The only good thing in my life is just being alive. There is a large scar on my neck because I gave myself a friction burn with my lanyard at school due to anxiety :( I have mental problems, whatever I have, it isn’t good and will probably slowly deteriorate me to a depressive glob of my former self, but I will never get diagnosed. My family is constantly angry at me for no reason, I get that my clean obsessed behaviour can get annoying especially when I panic and get water everywhere, but I hate to be yelled at for something that I cannot control or fix. They say I am overreacting and will got over it, but I’ve tried, there is no fixing this. That’s why I’ll probably never ever get a diagnosis or therapy session. I lied, I am actually not as okay as I say I am. If I ever don’t post for a period time, please know that it’s either from lack of art or mental issues. I am sorry for not posting in awhile as my usual breaks take a time of 3 days or 2. I am deeply sorry.

Bevel, Snow, and Berry.

I drew these in my math book, very classic place to doodle, I know. There’s not a lot of doodles in my book though, I am usually trying to do equations and get an 100 on my test

I finally got a haircut, though my hair is now a short messy thing, I feel quite confident even if I don’t fully look masculine. My arm hair should be quite an indicator and the trans pin inside my backpack, haha! That pin was made by a friend of mine, don’t worry he’s very fruity and slay. Idk if it’s just my senses but my hairdresser was definitely an ally, he slayed, my hair is hairing. Also I have giant eyebags and a cowlick, like I literally have Dem’s cowlick.

Here’s some more little oc ideas. Eclipse is my first transfem oc, I know I know I’m slaying. She’s has a twin sister, Luna! Yes, Eclipse and Luna are Hornet twins, from the same egg btw. I still don’t know how it works, I’m too tired to research though. Arctic and Viper are a married couple, I like to think Arctic is just a lesbian and her/his wife is a crazy queen with schizophrenia who totally didn’t kill her family. They’re both from Bloodlust’s time period, though a little older.

I don’t want to talk about it… This is really gross but because Snow’s family wanted to keep the bloodline “pure” she’s SHORT and albino but like literally no one else in her family is albino… poor Snow… GUYS DONT MARRY YOUR SIBLINGS AND COUSINS… Bevel transmasc headcannon, I’m not making it cannon yet because Bevel is a lesbian.

Layze, Funkyfrogbait, and Bevel with one tooth

@purpledemonss asked for this minus Bevel, that was my idea

OKAY I LOVE YOU GUYS SM, EAT THIS UP, STAY A MENACE TO SOCIETY JUST DONT EAT LEATHER UNLESS YOU ARE DEATHLY STARVED

[zephyr-writesx]

Uta x FTM! reader

(This takes place in an au where she lives and travels with the red-haired pirates again! But has lost her powers)

How you meet:

The red-haired pirates had made a stop at your island for supplies. You usually work odd jobs around the village, but recently, you've found a steady job at the bar as a waiter/bus boy. The bar has a small stage for karaoke nights and for the occasional performance from local and traveling singers and bands. It was inevitable that the red-haired pirates would stop in, but you never expected them to have a beautiful woman traveling with them. This wasn't the first time the pirates had been to this island, but it was the first time they'd been here with the captain's daughter.

Once the pirates had settled in the and you begain bringing out food for lucky roo as well as filling and refilling some of the pirates drinks you finally met the lovely woman and she int herself as Uta, the musician of the red-haired pirates. "Say, would you like to hear me sing?" She says with a bright gorgeous smile on her face. "Absolutely! see that stage over there. If you'd like, I could get it set up, and then you could perform, if you'd like, of course!" You say bashfuly with a like blush on your cheeks. She delightedly agrees and helps you set op the mic and speakers.

Once everything is set up, she performs, and her heavenly voice makes your heart flutter, and her beautiful smile makes you weak and - oh shit. You fell in love with her, but the loving looks she gives you as sings tell you that you might have a shot. After her performance, she pulls you aside, and before you can get a word in, she says, "Would you like to go on a date with me!". Not trusting your voice, you nod repeatedly and smile, excited that the feelings are mutual. You go on many dates during the time the red-haired pirates are on your island.

During this time you get to know the crew (some threaten you with harm if you hurt Uta, and others are happy she's found someone she likes) you also explained that you are trans to her her response was "I dont care what you were born as, its who you are now that i care about." Her saying that made you fall more in love with her that before (something you didn't think was possible).

When it's time for them to leave, you can't stand to part, especially not for so long. So she asks, "Would you become part of the red-haired pirates for me?" She looks at you hesitantly, almost afraid of your future response. "Absolutely, anything to be with you." You say, kissing her hand. Overcome with joy, she leaps at you and kisses you, and you kiss back happy and full of love for your sweet girlfriend.

Uta and you go to Shanks and explain the situation. He gives the thumbs up for you to join the crew, but warns you, "hurt Uta, and I hurt you, understood?" You shakily nod, and Uta punches his arm, telling him to knock it off and to not scare you away. You chuckle, exclaiming it's going to take a lot more to clscare you away from your love. Shanks smiles, approving your response.

And that's how you became Utas boyfriend and joined the red-haired pirates!

This is kinda me setting up for a senerio series for Uta x reader cuz there is very little out there fanfic wise for her :(((. She is so cute and sweet. I love her, and I wish she got more love :/. If you. Guys like this plz let me know, and I'll write more stuff like this. Although I like making the headcanons, this was also very fun to make.

Let me know if there's any other characters or senerios you want me to write! They also don't have to be x readers. They can just be characters in certain situations or the reader just in the one piece universe on specific crews and how the crews interact with the different types of readers.

See ya later, byeeeeee!!!!

[keirawantstocry]

poly morning crew but tubbo is insecure about his height and fitpac are trying to help him be less insecure about it :)

this got so incredibly off track i literally see one word and run with things swear down

hiii, um I kinda took this and ran with it? I will upfront say I am not a trans man but i am trans so i drew on my own personal experience to write this and dont mean to write anything… incorrect or anything of the sort <3 and if anyone reads this and i have accidently ending up portraying something incorrectly pls tell me immediately so i can rewrite

Most days Tubbo was fine with being trans. It was just part of who he was, like his brown hair or any of his birthmarks. Other days it bugged him. How much shorter he was compared to some of the other guys. How soft his body was. But he was fine. He wouldn't fucking talk to somebody about it, wasn't that big of a deal anyway. Nobody even noticed when he had his off days, Phil was focused on a thousand other things and the annoying voice of his husband in his head just prattled on and on about dumb shit before disappearing. 

He was working out when it hit him. A wave of dysphoria so strong he physically bent over and closed his eyes. Mentally he swore. Horrible timing. Pac was supposed to be over in less than à few minutes and he could barely stand without seeing himself and feeling sick. 

Speak of the devil, he thought as the doorbell rang and Pac's animated voice slid it's way through the house. “Tubboooo.” 

Tubbo groaned but he had no choice. Laying down the weights he had been using, he headed over to the door to let Pac inside. 

“Hey, Pac.” The man looked fucking gorgeous as per usual. It would sour Tubbo's mood if he wasn't so attracted to him. His infectious smile spread to Tubbo's face as they embraced. “It's good to see you, man.” 

It was easy at first, hiding the nasty self hatred boiling in his gut. Unfortunately Pac was incredibly more attuned to his feelings then either Phil or Tommy. “What's wrong?” he asked as they sat down on the couch together. 

“Nothing,” Tubbo blustered, avoiding his eyes. 

“Tubbo,” he said in an uncharacteristic stern voice. It softened again as he gently took Tubbo's face in his hands and turned his head to look at him. “What's wrong, meu bem?” 

With a long sigh, Tubbo accepted his fate. “I just feel like shit about myself today.” 

Pac's head tilted in curiosity. “Why?” 

“Honestly, I'm not sure what triggered it.” 

“But what do you feel shit about?” Pac took a second to look around, trying to find his words, his warm hands still against his cheeks. “What about yourself?” 

Tubbo laughed lightly, trying to shove down the churning in his stomach. “My body. I just wish… I wish I was born a guy.” Bile rose in his throat as he tried to choke down the shame. He hated being vulnerable especially with someone that he cared so much about. He met his eyes trying to gauge his reaction. The expression he was met with was one of pure confusion.

“I'm sorry I don't understand.” 

“I'm trans," he said as bluntly as he could.

Pac just blinked at him slowly as if trying to comprehend the words coming out of his mouth. “That doesn't make you any less of a man.” 

“Easy for you to say that,” Tubbo scoffed. 

Unexpectedly Pac laughed as if it was one of the funniest things he had heard all day. “You do know I'm trans right?” 

Tubbo stared at him as he felt his brain short circuit. “What? No, I didn't fucking know that what the fuck.” Surprised laughter was bubbling its way out of his chest before he could stop it. The shame was dissipating at the speed of light because here was one of the prettiest, most attractive men he’d ever known and he was just like him. 

He laughed again before bringing his hands up to grab Pac’s face and kiss him firmly on the lips. Pac giggled into his mouth before kissing him back, sliding his hands into Tubbo’s hair. The kisses were sloppy, more shared laughter and wet open mouths than anything. But it felt so good, so right. 

They finally stopped kissing and Tubbo realized that somehow they had ended up laying back on top of each other on the couch. “How did I not know you were trans?” he said, still in awe. 

Pac laughed, light and airy. “You hate me and don’t pay attention to me.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Then for good measure he kissed him again to truly shut him up. Warmth had replaced the feeling in his gut and was now spreading through his entire body. For the first time he felt good about it; not bad, not neutral but good.

[kidstemplatte]

I recently came out to my parents as a trans man and long story short it didn't go well and my Dad still won't talk to me.

I know this isn't what you normally do, but could you write a story about Terzo comforting the reader after a bad coming out in a fatherly (platonic/non sexual of course) way? If not that's chill too

-🧭

(platonic) terzo/ ftm reader

of course, anon🤍 there’s a message for you and anyone else who wants to hear it at the end of this.

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

-when terzo knocks on your door and hears a weary “one second”, the brightness absent in your voice, he immediately knows something is wrong.

-after wiping your tears, you walk to the door and open it.

-what’s wrong?” he asks when he sees your eyes are puffy and red.

-“i… i came out to my parents and it didn’t go well.”

-his heart sinks at what you just told him.

-“and now my dad won’t talk to me.” you sniffle.

-he’s upset, not just upset, angry. he’s confused, how someone could treat their own child, one as treasured as you, with such bigotry.

-“oh no, mio caro… come here.” he says, pulling you in for a hug. “mi dispiace. i’m so sorry.” he whispers as he holds you tightly.

-“it will be okay, piccolo. your papa is always on your side. not only me. the entire clergy is on your side. beyond that, anyone with morals and love in their heart.”

-he wipes the tears from your eyes and gently tilts your head up to meet his gaze.

-“hear what i am saying. you are a smart, caring, talented, and very special young man. your future is molto luminoso. so bright. keep your head up.”

-you nod.

-“anyone would be lucky to have you as their son. getting to see your smile every day, your handsome face.”

-you can’t help but smile at his kind words.

-“there we go. molto meglio.” he says once he sees the smile he loves so much, ruffling your hair as you laugh.

-“thank you, papa. i don’t deserve you.”

-“your papa is always here for you. that is why i am here, it is my job. not just in the church, but as someone who cares. i want to help you. you help me all the time, it is the least i can do.”

-“thank you papa.”

-“of course.”

-terzo is always there when you need to talk, whether it’s about your situation or something lighthearted.

- after a conversation with your family gone wrong, he is always willing to listen, lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.

-he’s also generally so sweet to you regarding your transition in general. if you try out something new with your clothing or appearance, he’s always the first to compliment you. he’s so funny about it too.

-maybe you cut your hair, or simply style it different way. he stops you when he runs into you.

-“ay, look at you!”

-before you can say anything else, he’s spinning you around to get a 360 of your hair.

-“very very nice.”

-or when you wear a new outfit, maybe a new suit, something a little more formal.

-“i could use some fashion advice from you. i am old, not up to the trends.”

-if you guys are similar sizes, he will let you wear his clothes 🥺🥺🥺

-“this one is old… maybe not up to date- but… i guess vintage is cool, no?” he says, holding up a dark purple suit.

-“i love it. and vintage is cool.”

-“you can keep it, then.”

-“really?”

-“si.”

-he tells you stories of what happened in the particular outfit he’s showing you. it’s nearly always something outlandish and hilarious.

-“please, be smarter than your papa. but have fun.”

-terzo has the sweetest most accepting heart. i firmly believe this. not just for the sake of fanfiction but genuinely.

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

anon 🧭🤍

this is another request i can’t ignore or stall on.

i am so sorry you had that experience. i myself am not trans but i know these things are so difficult. i’m so sorry your dad isn’t talking to you. i wish i could reach through the screen and give you a hug.

i watched this exact thing happen with my trans brother a few years ago. my dad is incredibly conservative and transphobic. it put a huge strain on his relationship with my brother after he came out. he refused to call my brother by his name and pronouns.

my dad still doesn’t support the transgender community. but he does support his son now. after a long time, my dad finally came around. he’s not a perfect person, has a long way to go, but he came around.

i guess what i’m trying to say by sharing that is that this isn’t the end.

but whatever you choose, to remain in contact or not, i want you to know that you are in control. this is your future and your identity, and you deserve to feel secure in who you are and who you are surrounded by.

you are so valid and real and i love you.

[lovediives]

eyeballs emoji for um EVERYONEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nat.

well. i guess this is gonna be a TWO PARTER THAT ILL HAVE TO RB TO SPLIT UP!!

i love fanservice. genuinely but only if its a man who is old. LIKE GENUINELY WHAT IS THE POINT OF HIM BEING SHIRTLESS? (its for me)

guys dont judge me for being insane. but the game literally rewired my brain and the way he looks here. well okay. shut up. maybe im the problem. but like hes so scrunkly. cute. i want him. here

nao better then me. i would have pulled down his pants and showed him a real your turn to sh- sorry.

the way he looks here is just genuinely so pretty. like i wanna kiss him so BADDDD I HATEE HIM SO MUCCHHH. LIKE THE LOOK OF SURPRISE. THE WAY THE LIGHT SHINES ON HIS FACE. i wish i was immune to men with pretty lashes.

oomfie you know i dont have much to work here. but do you remember when i was in call watching this scene and it made me look gay as fuck? this is why this screenshot is here. reminds me just of that.

dont look at me. i dont. i dont know what to say. like i hate how stupid his grin is like hes so smug about it to. like do you have any common decency. aieeeee

BYE THIS IS SO FUNNY. strangely enough he does not make me wanna kick him like a puppy. i think he genuinely looks very sweet here and i like to drink tea with him and smile :)

this post is getting so long. but know that when i saw THIS i knew that was bae. this was pookie and she was going to stick around for a LONG LONG TIME (shes still holding on STRONG) god i love how he hair makes it looks like tails. the way she holds herself. everything about it. A MOTHERS SLAY!!!!!

tweaks. you just had to be here. when i see this. its like the angels above came down above to tell me that i deserve nothing but joy and happiness LIKE WIFEY WANTED TO SEE ME AND WAVE AT ME!!!!!! i lauve u princess i lauveeee u. shes so cute here. i wanna twirl my fingers in her hair and giggle and laugh with her. and then she picks me up and (woah lets pump the breaks there)

you IDIOT FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO FALL IN THE WATER. but youre so cute about it like what you trying to impress me or smth <3 cause its working. like eek a boat ride with him could save my life. his little quote that comes after it. like he knows what hes doing and he knows its working.

i say this from the bottom of my heart. if they gave him top surgery scars here and confirmed him to be trans. he'd be top there. something about him is so f/o core and gender at the same time. like hes so cute. plus he looks like kaira. which makes him a bit hotter.

this is where the clones would go but theres four of them SO WE'LL ADD THEM AT PART TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i know i posted this already but dear lord this is literally rotting my brain in real time. i unironically need him.

the pose here is just funny. like let it go old man. youre no longer hip with the kids. (but i love how smug he looks here like what the fuck is wrong with you <3 youre about to LOSE)

NO COMMENT NO COMMENT NO COMMENT NO COMMENT NO COMMENT this blog is for EVERYOEN (18 and up only) but i am FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!

the little wave here is really cute.. eek. ignore the blood and the knife. but it makes him so playful and funny. like can we frolic in the fields my love

Bro TAG ME IN!!!!!! TAG ME IN!!!!!!!!!! when i was born i did not ever think i would ever wish i was a key. and yet HERE THE FUCK WE ARE!! she looks so cute here and its so weird. i love her tired little eyes and fucked up smile.

i think im at a point where i just am tweaking but idk hes kinda hot. like do you guys see what i see? no? can you lie and agree with me anyway?

THIS LONG ASS POST........ IS ABOUT TO GET LONGER IN PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!! HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON OOMFIES!!!!!!!!!!

[coolfire333]

Heavy talk about dysphoria below

My boyfriend uses my guy name and he/him and does other stuff to reassure me that he recognizes my maleness but there's a sinking feeling in the back of my head that if I could transform into the man I want to become sometimes he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore

I think that's my dysphoria lying to me but it's really hard being bigender and being in guymode when your boyfriend is straight. Like sure nobody is 100% straight in all cases and my boyfriend says he's found himself occasionally attracted to feminine guys but is that enough for him to not only love me but to be attracted to me when I'm in guymode?

My guymode goals are less "pretty androgynous feminine boy" (no offense if you are one) and more "burly yet soft guy who is just some dude". I don't id as trans but uhhh something something that one image that's like "90% of trans guys I know want to look like the guys from tf2".

I want a relatively flat chest (I'm on the larger side so hey man boobs are fine with me but they just gotta be "passable" as male) and different equipment if you catch my drift, and I want a deeper voice and to be hairy all over (maybe not facial hair though idk). I want long-ish hair but in a guy way.

I feel bad for expressing my desires as a man because they feel both predatory and fake, like I'm simultaneously not a real man and just a pathetic girl trying to be something she's not but also some kind of freak who wants to "trick" straight men into becoming bi by presenting as female but occasionally wanting a male body. I think this is unfortunately a result of radical anti-male ideology saying all men are predatory in nature that I've unconsciously absorbed and I'm trying to get rid of it but it's so difficult

I wish I could turn into a cis male version of myself at will, with the ability to turn back into my female self whenever I wanted so I wouldn't have to "pick one". I just wish it could be different

[moeitsu]

This shit-post is dedicated to my weird ass friends and the most out of pocket things they've said that I've written in the quote book I've kept in my notes since 2019. Enjoy:

The mayonnaise did wonders for my hair. -P

The Holy Spirit does not want to suck your balls. -E

That's the scariest thing about Halloween...young women. -N

You can put long pasta in there! -E You mean spaghetti? -M

I don't know what blood type I am, is there an app for that? -G

You already said you wouldn't eat my ass -E

What's your major? -K Oh, I'm American. -G

I'm gonna shit in that trash can. -G

Are we about to exchange insurance cards? -J

I'm pretty sure I don't wanna warm my pussy by the fire. -M

Ugh, I don't wanna be a femboy! -M

If you're so worried about the angles then just stick your fingers in the hole. -M

I wish I could be off the grid. -M Like homeless people? -E

Who needs bleach when you have discharge. -J

Why are there panties in your hat? -G

I think I'm mentally disabled. -M No, you're just mentally ill. -E

It could be a deer with down syndrome. -D

I remember when the only app they had was angry birds. -J

Now that's the kind of guy who should be reproducing. -J

Cute rhymes with stupid. -N

No arms, no legs, not even living. But watches porn. -R

Sweaty balls doesn't sound very appetizing. -T

You're starting to look like a real girl again. -N

I always poop in other people's houses. It's how I establish dominance. -T

No sir, I am from Boston. All I know is drink coffee and cuss. -M

The gas station bathroom was treacherous. Pretty sure I saw blood on the walls. -C

If it doesn't cure you, it'll kill you! -Z

Bone dry dunes? That's where you go when you run out of cum. -E

I live by the thee S's: serve, slay, survive. -G

I will not participate in the ass licking. -E

You white people always have cool ancestors. My ancestors were slaves. -S My ancestors were responsible for that. -G

That gives me a free pass to call you a bitch. I'll take it. -N

Would anyone wanna buy my wick-less candles? Shameless plug I know. -K

C'mere, come into my womb. -G

I like your dads meat. -E

Our family funds the entire therapy on the north shore. -B

You can't be this smart w/o massive mental health problems. -B

She doesn't like gay people? -M Nope, she's up in the air about black people too. -P

We're back to our regularly scheduled racism. -R

That's abortion money, not pedicure money. -K

I'm gonna give you a disability if you don't stop. -M

I can always fuck up chicken. Especially the breast. -N

Nice parking job Alabama. Was your sister giving you head while you were driving? -N

I don't think calories are real. I've never seen one. -M

Do you even know what man boobs are? -E It's literally in the name. -M

Can't men flick their nipples off? -E

Well, 5 out of 6 of us were born with a full spine. -E

What's the point of having a gf if you can't objectify her? -N

Mother fucker we don't own straws. We broke as shit. -N

You're like a lollipop triple dipped in psycho flavor. -P

What are you just not gonna feed your kid so you can afford to go to Disney? -A

Do you think she's trans? Like she was a dude and now she's a guy? -N You mean she was a dude and now she's a girl? -M

The boogeyman wants to suck you're toes. -M He would never, he's asexual. -P

We need a new toilet. -P This is American made! This is a quality toilet! -A

There's no one as Irish as Barack Obama. -N

She called me autistic! -P Well, it couldn't hurt to get tested. -A

The shirt says 'wicked strong' -M It should say 'wicked annoying' -N

What bitch is blowing up your phone? -M Literally your Dad. -N

I'm a white girl, of course I love cheese. -S

Why do bad things keep happening to me? Don't they know who I am! -N

It's because I feel safe here. -M Well, maybe you shouldn't. -N

The real magic happens when you embrace the delusion. -K

Oh look, the Trump tower! What if it just blows up? -R

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't finish the Bible. It's on my DNF shelf. Adam and Eve? I need enemies to lovers. -B

A woman bit me, I'm gonna become a prostitute. No! -S

Technically, I'm bisexual. -M You're too old for labels. -G

[titan-god-helios]

can we stop using euphemisms to describe fat bodies please. "cuddly body" just say fat. "chubby" just say fat. "teddy bear-like" just say fat. "heavy" just say fat. "big-boned" just say fat. "well-fed" just say fat. "large" just say fat. "shorter than their weight" just say fat. "they've got a bit of a belly" just say fat. "lean challenged" (yes this is a thing i have seen used) JUST SAY FAT.

the more we use euphemisms to describe fat people and fat bodies, the more taboo being fat becomes and the more stigmatised it becomes. the use of euphemisms and dancing around saying plainly and simply that i was (and still am) fat harmed my relationship to my body so much in the past. i started to see the descriptor 'fat' as a morally and generally bad thing to be, when it really is just a descriptor with no moral weight or inherent goodness/badness.

and adding on to that, fatphobia in general doesn't make sense to me. it's the same basic principle of all discrimination - ostracise someone for something they can't control. discrimination by extension ALSO just doesn't make sense to me. if i was to put it into the context of something everyone can see as normal regardless of race or heritage or orientation or weight or whatever, like for example having brown hair, it just sounds silly. imagine living in a world where people treated people with darker hair like they treat fat people.

"look at her hair! it's so dark, she's let herself go." "oh my goodness his hair's almost black - he'll die any time soon, surely." "ugh my hair looks too dark today, i wish i could make it lighter, its so disgusting like this." "wow! his hair's so dark, i bet you he's so sad and chronically online lmao." "their hair is so brown, i bet you they have the tiniest dick known to mankind." "you know, you can get that dark shade lighter in two months flat if you really try hard enough - it'll come right off!" "ewwwww that's disgusting - look how dark their hair is. that's so repulsive."

it sounds stupid, no ?? and thats not even touching on people who can't lose weight due to general body type or a medical problem or because it's a side effect of their important medicine or whatever it is. personally, i've been fat as a relatively young kid all the way till now, and that's WITH me doing a shit ton of sports as a kid and eating well too, as well as relatively regular exercise and still eating well now. i don't lose weight easily, and i'm tempted to say that i *can't* lose weight. and as long as i'm healthy, i don't actually care too much about that. because being fat is just a natural state of the self for me, and for many others. i don't need to "fix" it, because being fat does NOT indicate me or anyone else being unhealthy (unless its sudden and there have been 0 changes to your lifestyle recently, then of course go see a doctor about it but otherwise a person's weight is in no way an indicator of their actual health) and that's that.

anyway fat isnt a bad word destigmatise the word fat please weight does NOT equal to or indicate health in the slightest stop targeting fat men and calling them incels or chronically online or making small-dick jokes - it not only hurts the fat guys themselves but (fat) trans guys and intersex people too and stop being mean to fat people

[molanobessivenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

[diogenes-blorbos]

ok i forgot to send an ask until now but! tell me abt manoja! what's the meaning behind his name/how did he (or you) pick it? what's his career route and what's his villainsona? infamy? what stats does he favour ? specialisations (fighter/tactician, streetwise/techsavvy)? anything else you wanna share that isn't covered by one of the other questions? XD

Hi! Thanks for the ask.

Manoja Joshi is a desi trans guy and stands at 5’ 5”, has green eyes, and black hair that becomes slightly wavy if allowed to grow out. His body could be described as… stout? Think ‘precursor to a dadbod’ and you’ll have a pretty accurate idea of what he looks like. In his Sidestep years, he was thinner and didn’t look nearly as tired as he appears post-Heartbreak. Since Anathema’s death, Manoja has become a drinker, for his sins. He has always been a smoker. Manoja dresses in mostly black, grey and very dark blue athletic wear, like a teenage boy who shops exclusively from JD Williams.

His puppet is a mixed race, brown-eyed, freckle-faced man called Joey. He wears his hair in long locs, usually tied back off of his face, and, his body is tall and lithe bc Manoja keeps him in shape via boxing. Joey is everything Manoja wishes he was, and so, when slipping into his puppet’s skin, Manoja is simultaneously at his most authentic, and totally different in personality. Joey is friendlier, smoother and flirtier.

Manoja’s first name is a little nod to his psychic abilities! Manoja means "born of the mind" in Sanskrit. He chose the name after realising he was trans. At first, cross-dressing as a guy was purely a disguising tactic, but he figured out pretty quickly that he felt more complete living as a man. I’ve never considered what his deadname might’ve been, but that doesn’t matter, I guess; Manoja’s a pro at reinventing himself, whether that is via changing his name and pronouns, slipping his consciousness into a puppet body or by creating/destroying personas.

Speaking of personas, Mannie’s villainsona is called Innominate, so it’s probably not going to surprise you when I tell you that his stats very much leans towards anonymity rather than pursuing infamy. Manoja is also very cautious (paranoid) and likes to eliminate risk wherever possible. He is very logic driven, and is a tech-savvy tactician, above all else. For that reason, Manoja wouldn’t rule out killing if he needed to, though he does his best to keep deaths to a minimum, as he still sways towards being an empathetic person. He considers that to be his biggest weakness (it really isn’t- that would actually be his own insecurities), and is why he, unsuccessfully, tries to keep some semblance of distance between himself and Ortega. Needless to say, that isn’t going so well for him as of Retribution, as Manoja spent the night with her, and Julia then chose to break things off with Joey. Manoja has also become “friends” with Steel (they sit and brood in silence together while they watch Spoon run around the dog park) and he has a bit of a soft-spot for Los Diablos’ Biggest SideStep superfan, Herald.

Picrew:

[questions-from-d87]

oc-tober day 5 - choice

♤ adeline makes a bold choice on a mundane tuesday evening.

♤ 816 words

♤ prompt from @oc-tober2023

♤ im super behind on prompts lmao, hope yall enjoy this one while i work on catching up :)

Adeline sat in the red patterned auditorium seat next to her mother. She glanced at the broken clock on the wall and took in the smell of the auditorium, slightly woody and reminding her of her home's basement, as she watched Simone dance across the stage with grace. Older than her by just a year, Simone was everything Adeline wanted to be, with her long, flowing ginger hair, big eyelashes, and incredible ability in terms of dance.

“Mom, I wish I could do that,” Adeline said, looking to her mother with starry eyes. Watching these performances for so long, she’d known that this was what she wanted to do for years. It wasn’t hard to tell - when she watched them, she had a special sparkle in her eyes. It was like magic to her.

“Oh, honey, I know,” her mother said, laying a hand on her shoulder. “But you know boys don’t do that.”

Her hair was getting long now. Her mother had been asking when she would cut her hair every time they went to lunch. She’d chuckle awkwardly and say she was going to eventually, and Simone would tell her to get off Adeline’s back.

🔍 am i trans

🔍 am i trans quiz

🔍 how to do bun hairstyle

The lights in her apartment were off. She laid on her bed, the room illuminated only by a string of cheap fairy lights hanging on the wall. Glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to her ceiling in various colors.

She sat up and slowly got to her feet, in her comfy socks, white tank top and bulldog pajama pants. Eight o’clock. It was about time she ate something.

She walked out down the hall and into the living room. She flicked on the TV - Guy Fieri's voice filled the apartment as he talked about 20,000 dollars. That would be nice.

She opened her freezer and pulled out a frozen macaroni and cheese she'd bought from the grocery store the day before. Slowly and carefully, she peeled up a corner of the film, then tossed it in the microwave.

It was getting harder to hide lately - the hair, the constant shaving, the three thrift store dresses in her closet she was too afraid to wear. It was starting to be a little too much to deal with nobody knowing.

Her phone chimed with a text from Simone. A picture of her cat.

| Nala is soooo sleepy! 🐱🐾

She chuckled softly. The way Simone texted was corny, but she was glad she at least wanted to talk to her.

| aw!! give her some pets for me :))

Adeline suddenly had a stupid idea. A really stupid one.

i think

She hesitated. Should I really do this?

i think im

The microwave went off. She shut off her phone.

She grabbed a fork from her silverware drawer, lifted the plastic film and started stirring. She got a little lost in thought. Simone must be confused about why she spent so long typing before leaving so suddenly. But she needed someone to know about her. She might lose her mind if she had to hide it from everyone for much longer. And she thought it might take her a bit to gather the courage.

She put it back in the microwave and picked her phone back up. Before she could think twice about it, she sent the text.

| i think im a woman

Immediately, she went to back out and delete the message, but Simone had already read it.

| I don't know what you mean 😅

She sighed exasperatedly. She hadn't expected her to understand right away, but she really didn't feel like explaining.

🔍 trans woman wikipedia

She screenshotted the given definition - "A trans woman (short for transgender woman) is a woman who was assigned male at birth." - and sent the screenshot to her.

| Oh I know a girl like that at work! Her name is Georgia 😃

| So you're a trans woman?

| yeah

| Does anyone else know yet?

| not yet

| just you

| please don't tell mom

| Got it 😃

She smiled down at her phone. This went better than she expected.

| Let me know if you need any makeup tips! I've done years of stage makeup 🤣🤣🤣

The microwave went off again. It was done.

| thank you :))

She tucked her phone into the pocket of her pajama pants and took out the mac and cheese. A little pepper, garlic powder, and salt, and it was ready, if still a little hot to eat. She grabbed a bag of chips from off the top of her fridge - she deserved a little treat for doing something so brave, she thought - and sat at the table, turning on a show she'd already watched on Prime Video.

And after she'd finished dinner, she went and put on her favorite blue dress for the first time since she tried it on at the store.

[grimalkinmessor]

Don't mind me I'm trying to archive my Death Note OCs before I forget to draw them :')

Suraci -

Shinigami

He/It

Completely translucent skin, metal cage for a chest with fire trapped in it, glass orb eyes, wax wings, wax claws, glass teeth. BALD.

Beyond's "dad" as far as Shinigami can be called that

Got fuckin' BODIED by Cinis after he found out that it possessed a human and had sex with the guy's wife, producing a semi-Shinigami kid. He ded.

Stranger: Your parents know you talk like that?

Baby Beyond: They dead. •_•.

Stranger: ...(0-0");

Cinis -

Shinigami King

He/She (Mostly he)

BIG. Completely void black save for his wings, which are made up of bones. Long locs with glass shards throughout, hollow eye sockets, gold fangs, spider legs jutting out of his spine behind his wings, cloven feet. No flesh to his cheeks so you can see all her teeth ✨

He mostly just vibes until someone fucks something up. He's also not always super pressed do anything about it either lol. Deadass she could hear explosions in the distance and just be like "Damn hope that didn't ruin anything important. Anyway." Depending on what fic I'm sticking him in, Cinis either admires Kira from afar, or is out for his life/pride. There's SOME inbetween, but not much. If you noticed I made him bigender to mirror my hc that Light is bigender yes you did.

Vasykl Keehl -

Human

He/Him

Mello's older brother who got separated from him in the system. Spent the rest of his life trying to track his little brother down but being blocked by Wammy's at every turn. Grew up and became a private security guard that still looks for Mello on the side.

Vas is,,,,very tall. Tall and broad—looks kind of like Aiber but a bit softer. He's blond, just like Mello, but his eyes are hazel instead of blue. Daddy's eyeballs. He wears a lot of leather, just like Mello, but he looks more like a biker than a BDSM king. Imagine S1 Emma Swan but male.

Henka -

Human

He/Him

Trans! He's fifteen, one of Kira's faithful brought in by Mikami. Very shy and quiet but also lethally loyal to Light. An acknowledged acolyte and eventual High Priest.

Mice -

Human

They/Them

Fuckin' NUTS. Small, wild brown hair, likes to climb things. Always wearing someone else's jacket. It changes every time you turn around—it's like a superpower. Age ambiguous but anywhere from twelve to fifteen, depending on whether or not they're acting serious at the time. Lotsa freckles and big ole blue-gray eyes.

Small time criminal and petty thief that Kira employs to get him information on the Bigger Fish™ of the underworld. They adore mushrooms and shiny things; they are also homeless and slightly feral. Mice will rob you blind before you can get through saying hello to them. Light becomes very good at dodging sudden sneak attacks because Mice keeps trying to climb him—it's quickly becoming their life goal.

Spider -

Human

She/Her

Somewhere around fifteen-sixteen-seventeen. Black. Dark brown hair that ombres into hot pink at the ends—her bangs cover her eyes and most of the top half of her face; effectively making it very difficult for anyone to find out her true name even with Shinigami eyes. Dresses mostly in leather and fluff, always in black and neon. Scene kids WISH they had her swag.

Big ole cyber nerd. Even better at hacking than Matt. She figures out who Kira is and tracks him down so she can talk to him—she mirrors Misa a bit but her relationship with Light is far closer to Sayu's. She's a (annoying) guiding voice on morals and helps Light track down corrupt government officials on the condition that he, you know, calm the hell down on murdering purse snatchers and pick pocketers. She originally tracked Kira down because he murdered her mom—not that she's particularly sad about it.

"You killed my mom"

"I don't remember that but I'm not going to apologize—"

"Oh no you don't have to, she was a bitch, I wanted to say thanks actually"

No, Mice and Spider do not know the other exists. This is a testament to both of their prowess lmao. Light's definitely not going to tell them because they would band together against him to annoy the absolute shit out of him. Also blackmail. They would totally blackmail him.

[a1asta1r]

I GET TO TALK ABOUT HIM LETS GO!

I pretty much had to make a Soc OC for the production I’m in cuz I’m part of the Soc ensemble lol. I can’t draw so there’s no art of him so </33

Ps: if I talk about character dynamics, like Daniel with Paul or Dally, it’s entirely based off how the actors in my play interpret the characters & how we interact in the play! Not entirely based off the book or musical at anything

My boy Daniel <33, some people call him Danny but he really only lets Chuck (who’s also part of the Soc ensemble in my show, played by my best friend) call him that without putting up a fight.

Born & raised as a Soc in Tulsa, he is 17 years old & a senior at school. Both of his older brothers went to Ivy League schools. One is currently at Harvard for law, the other graduated from Cornell for engineering. He’s expected to also go to an Ivy League school, but he doesn’t really want too. Although he’s good at school, he doesn’t like at and doesn’t want to continue.

Because of his extreme anger issues, he was sent to the school counselor who suggested he get a journal to vent in. That journal is abandoned on his desk, the only thing written in it is how dumb the idea was.

He honestly doesn’t like Bob or Randy, he just hangs out with them because of Chuck, who’s his best friend, and Paul, who he’s not as close with but is still one of his closest friends. The three of them kind of have their own group within the bigger group. Daniel is indifferent on the others in the group.

Daniel is borderline jealous of the greasers and their relationships with each other, though he’d rather die than admit that to anyone (except for the one time he drunkenly admitted it to Chuck, but they haven’t mentioned it since) he doesn’t have the best relationship with his family and he only has two real friends, so seeing all the greasers have this found familt and everything, he can only wish to have something like that.

He fights because of insecurities. Part of it is the jealousy he feels talked about above, but also he feels the need to prove he can be just as intimidating as people like Bob or Paul. He is the shortest of the group, & with the fact he has a very androgynous look, he feels like he needs to prove he’s just as much of a man as the rest. (This is what happens when a trans guy plays a rich 60s dude </33)

Absolutely hates cutting his hair, he thinks he looks better with long hair but once every few months he cuts it because of both his insecurities and comments from other socs. While it’s long he usually puts it up anyways.

He’s gay and knows it, he just refuses to acknowledge it and hates himself for it. Paul was actually his gay awakening in his freshman year, but that went away quickly.

Actively has a crush on Dallas, but is trying to avoid it as much as he can. He works at the nightly double at the concession stand and one night Dally started bugging him. He was trying to get Daniel to sell him the snacks for free, and part of his plan to convince him was flirting. While he was annoyed at it, Daniel couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Dally after that.

Jealous of all the relationships Chuck has been in and gets annoyed when he brags about it, saying he’s been single his entire life b/c of the gay thing

Was one of the Socs that went to Dally in the hospital and taunted him about missing the rumble

Actually fought Dally a little during the rumble. He got Dally to run from him by Biting his ear. Daniel still doesn’t know entirely why he chose to do that, but Dally was choking him and he needed a way to get him off.

(Off topic but my productions rumble is SO COOL I’m gonna miss it when it’s over)

There’s probably more about Daniel I could talk about but I think I’ve tapped enough. I’m thinking of actually writing a little smth about him finding our Dally died but idk yet.

I could post a photo of my costume during the show and give you an idea of what Daniel should look like, but since all my photos have other cast members in it take a picrew instead lol

(His shirt is blue but that wasn’t an option on the picrew lol)

Starting a reblog game: RB w/ your own outsiders OC!

if enough folks do, I’ll draw them together or something lol, it’ll be fun!

So these are blatant self inserts for my sister and me

(Info & backstories under the cut because I’ve put waaaay too much thought into this)

and again, pls do reblog/tag me w/ your own Outsiders original/self insert characters! (Drawings and/or written descriptions!) Making OCs was one of my favorite things to do as a kid, so I figured it’d be fun to bring it back here lol

(And to reiterate- if enough of ya’ll do this I’ll draw ‘em all together like a greaser-sona gang! So don’t be shy ok??)

-got sent to Tulsa from Seattle in 1961 at ages 13 and 11 to live with their mildly neglectful uncle, due to their mother getting cancer and being unable to properly care for them. Their father was lost at sea when they were little, so they had no one else to go to.

-in Tulsa they go by their mother’s surname, Biondi, instead of their father’s, because interracial marriage isn’t legalized in Oklahoma until ‘67. They try to pass as just Italian. This works better for Naomi, who takes more after their mother than their father in looks.

-Naomi is good friends w/ Ponyboy- she relates to him a lot, from the dislike of fighting to the love for sunsets (legit Ponyboy reminds me of my sister so much irl) (She’s also low-key got a crush on him and Sodapop which is pretty funny)

-Jesse is closer to Two-Bit, Dally, Steve, and Soda. And he really likes fights. They’re exciting and make him feel tough. When he stops to think about it it does make him a little uneasy how much he’s grown to like them, but usually he just ignores that

-Naomi disapproves of crime. Jesse used to oppose it too, but the more time he spends without good role models and parental figures, the more his morels loosen. Tries hard to be a good example for Naomi though

-Jesse met the gang through Sodapop originally- they were thirteen and some Socs were jumping Soda, and Jesse jumped in and helped him out. Soda explained to him what the deal with Socs and greasers is, because there’s no greasers up North

-Naomi met the gang separately through being classmates with Ponyboy. They were working together on a school project, one with him writing and her drawing

-So Jess and Naomi spent a solid few months hanging out with different members of the same gang, completely unaware they had the same group. They eventually end up running into each other at the Curtis house, and both are totally shocked. Two-Bit, who knew the whole time, nearly died laughing

-Naomi is friends with both Socs and greasers, because she isn’t really either- she’s financially a greaser, but she has a crazy high GPA for someone who has ADHD and dyslexia in the 60s, and besides that, she just doesn’t like what she sees as pointless rivalry

-Jess loves pointless rivalry. At least until people start getting hurt. Then he starts to get angry.

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 54 - The Final Entry? - 10th June 2023, 9:27pm

It is eight days to my next counselling appointment.

It has been three days since I returned from the fishing village of Kukup, Malaysia.

I've had five days, and four nights to think about myself - for the first two nights, when it was too cold for me to sleep, I'd go into the kitchen of the space we stayed in, to make some hot water for myself to clear my nose.

That little part of her still resides in my chest, but I've grown used to her presence (except for the increased sensitivity of that overall area). I like feeling it inside, but I sometimes wonder if I had made a mistake.

I find it a little interesting - in a way, it's a litmus test:

Would I want that on my other chest, or would I want everything to go back to normal?

Even now, I have no answer to that question. I truly reside in between the realm of the cis and the not cis.

Some would argue that no cis person would take HRT.

And others would argue that not all who are even willing to try something like HRT are trans.

Both are right, in their own ways, and between the constant oscillation between wanting to have breasts, and being worried about the growth in my chest, I find myself still, all the more, confused.

There are times when I think about the bud, and about when I stopped taking the patches. Truth be told, there was another reason why I stopped taking the patches, other than the fact that other people would eventually find out about the bud:

No matter what happens, I will look into the mirror and see a guy who is trying to be a girl.

But I won't be able to claim the label of a totally cis guy.

After all, what kind of guy wants to be a girl? What kind of guy would be so interested in the lives of the women around him that he'd base decisions on that interest?

I doubt very many guys can ever claim to be a part of this group.

And, if I had it my way, I'd rather not be a guy, but, oh well. It's how I was born. It's the hand I have to live with.

A friend of mine (admittedly, someone whom I can see a version of myself in, but with a lot more fight in them) wrote in their works:

A *massive fear* that I had was essentially that people would think that this is a phase, that people would point to me as an example of why the gates that still keep out trans people today - that might also keep me out - are supposed to be there. “Look at him,” they’d say. “He messed with his gender and he fucked up.”

That's an awfully long phase, they'd say (and said).

Yet, I question.

Why is it so that a friend of mine for seven years who experienced firsthand what a broken family was like, grew out of adversity stronger, and I did so (out of emotional neglect) with a mask on?

That same friend said it was about mindset.

Yet, how would that explain how my mind was never able to sharpen the same way others' could?

Either it's trauma, or something biochemical.

...

I made a promise to myself:

No matter who or what I end up as, I will try my best to be me, and embody myself.

And, I have a feeling that the answer encroaches.

Even as I look at the girls around me, and wish I was one of them, I... accept that their world is not mine to be in. I will not know what it's like to have my own bits, to live my own slice of life as a girl. I will not know what it's like to carry a child, or what it's like to talk without a baritone.

I will not know what it's like to have the kind of hair that I would like.

I know that I will look into the mirror and see a guy staring back. But he is me. And I am him (and to some extent, her).

I know that I will feel that envy come back, as I carry on in life. As I see others live out a life that I was so interested in, from when I was a kid, poring over diagrams of female anatomy, or looking at the women around me as they lived their lives.

I know that I will feel the anger that comes with the vicarious living through others. But maybe I will find that the obsession I have is purely sexual in nature.

I know that I will feel a sense of loss. Of jealousy, as I watch the girls go out on girls' nights out.

But, I'm fine with that. After all, there are not many guys who can claim to want to be girls, much less be cool with the idea of sex changes.

And, it's fine to envy them. It really is.

Do you want to be her, be like her, or be with her?

My answer is all three.

Their world is not mine to be in. Even if I call myself a she.

And I'm okay with that. Truly.

...

I find myself in the room, with the two buttons in front of me.

One changes my sex.

Another removes all doubt about my gender.

...

I leave the room.

There are bigger issues than who I am.

Maybe next time.

...

It's not an excuse to use my deadname, though.