#i saw a list and scrolled through it and didnt actually read it

[imwetforyourmom]

used

summary: chris discovers his girlfriend’s secret tiktok account, and what he finds on it makes him regret everything.

warnings: angst, yelling, swearing, shit talking, toxicity, breaking up

a/n: thought of this after listening to happier than ever by billie eilish. I do not apologize for what this fic contains.

a/n 2: not entirely sure if the song matches up great w the fic but like, its what I listened to while writing it

proofread + edited

~

“get out.”

of course chris would’ve respected her privacy, but when her phone was blowing up with notifications every 30 seconds he really couldn’t help but let his curiosity get the best of him.

he grabbed her phone from beside him on the bed and unlocked it, going to see what app it was that was blowing up, seeing tiktok at the bottom of her phone screen with 99+ notifications. his eyebrows raised, he tapped the app and pressed her account, accidentally missing the notification button.

his face dropped when he saw her videos, her description and her profile photo, all consisting of negative things. her description saying nothing but ‘I hate chris” like an immature middle schooler rage baiting, but he knew she wouldn’t do that for fun.

he tapped the first video posted, reading the first section of the slideshow before swiping to the second one, his heart dropping to his ass with each word he read.

“i fucking hate chris so much, kid wont give me any space, he’s so nosy and obnoxious and loud …” chris stopped himself, knowing what he read next was going to be way worse, he knew when y/n hated something, she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and list everything she hated about it, in cruel ways. he’d been there for a lot of her rants.

he scrolled down to the next video, his vision already blurring with the tears pooling in his eyes. before letting himself even try and read it, he clicked out of the video and went to notifications, wanting to see what else she’d said about him and how much worse it could’ve gotten.

seeing her messages spammed, he checked it, in hopes of people disagreeing but what he saw only tore his heart apart more.

the most recent text she’d sent someone was “I hate chris so much ..” he was sure there was definitely way more messages sent about her passionate hatred for him further in the messages, but he didn’t want to see them, he wouldn’t do that to himself.

he clicked her phone off and set it on the bed where he found it and turned to his side, curling into a ball, facing away from the door and letting his tears fall down his face, his chest ached and his stomach felt like an endless pit of nothing, he shut his eyes and held his breath tightly, attempting to cry quietly.

he actually thought y/n liked him, he actually thought she was inlove with him, he actually thought she was the one.

~

when y/n walked back into the room from her small trip to the gas station with nick, when she saw what laid on the bed. a pair of shaking shoulders, muffled sobs and chris in a ball, a million thoughts raced in her head at once and her heart rate increased incredibly fast.

her breathing went erotic, she didnt even care that chris was sobbing, more so what he was sobbing about is what she cared, she knew she left her phone here. what if he went through it?

“chris?” she whispered hesitantly, walking over to him and gently tapping him on the shoulder, hesitantly.

chris sat up, his cheeks red and tear-stained, his eyes bloodshot and his chest moving up and down rapidly. he shoved y/ns hand off him and stared at her, a disgusted look in his eyes.

“dont fucking touch me.” he spat, his voice attempting to be stern, but failing miserably and going shaky, but still getting the point across.

“whats- whats wrong?” y/n sat down next to him, a shooken look in her eyes.

“what the fuck do you mean ‘what’s wrong’? I saw everything! I know everything.” he grabbed her phone and unlocked it, pressing tiktok and shoving it in her lap.

“what the fuck is wrong with you!” he stood up, his voice raising, anger bubbling within him. his sad demeanor quickly changing to angry and honestly disgusted.

“I- I-“ y/n attempted to speak but she couldn’t bring herself to, she didn’t want to lie and say she liked him, but she didn’t really watch to hurt his feelings—well, I mean, he did see everything on her tiktok, so, fuck it. whats she got left to lose now?

she stood up as well, “I dont fucking like you chris! that’s whats wrong! you’re always up in my personal space, always so fucking childish and immature, you don’t act your age and it’s irritating, chris!” y/n yelled, throwing her arms to her sides, trying to make valid reasons of why she shit talked him.

his gaze hardened, he blinked rapidly to push away the forming tears, “then you should’ve said something before going off to the internet, y/n, those fucking online people can’t do anything about it. only you and me! honestly, how fucking stupid are you!?” he rolled his eyes at her very clearly not thought out actions. even he wasnt that dumb.

“why’d you even stay with me if you hated me so much, y/n? you know I love you, why’d you do that to me?” his voice lowered, his eyes filling with tears again, thinking about how much she probably faked their relationship, how many ‘I love you’’s she’s faked, how much of their relatonship she’s faked.

y/n swallowed, she was gonna be truthful, she’s already hurt chris’ feelings with lying, so why lie even more now that he knows, if she lied more it’d just be useless.

“I liked the attention on online, I liked how many followers I got, I liked being noticed, chris, is that too much to ask for?” as bad as she wanted to feel bad, she couldn’t. she was glad chris found everything, now she wouldn’t have to fake everything, all the time. honestly, if she had to lie any more she’d make it obvious she hated him.

“you used me for my fame?” he asked, his voice breaking and his eyes no longer being able to withhold the tears falling down his cheeks.

fucking ridiculus, is what it is. how does anyone have the actual heart to use someone for fame? of course he expected it.. he just jever expected it to be y/n. he genuinely thought she loved him.

“of course I used you, chris! you thought I actually liked you?” she asked more with sympathy, but not sympathy for the fact that she felt bad, more that he was so pathetic he actually thought she liked him.

“yes, I actually thought you loved me, y/n. I thought you were actually just as in love with me as I am, I thought you meant all of those ‘I love you’’s and ‘I miss you’’s, I thought we were in a genuine relationship, y/n. i wanted to be able to put a ring on your finger, i wanted to be able to call you my wife.” chris’ tears fell down his face even faster now, his hands clenched in fists at his sides as he spoke with honesty.

y/n looked at him, his disheveled appearance and the sincerity in his eyes brought a sinking in her chest, did she regret what she did though? no, shes fucking grateful she did what she did.

“I would’ve never done that to you.” sobs ripped from his throat with each word he spoke.

“i’m sorry, chris.” y/n said, unsure of what else to say, as guilty as she felt, she didn’t regret anything she’d done or said about him, she truly hated him with a passion.

chris swallowed one of his sobs, “you dont get to say that to me,” he looked at her phone, then her and the door.

“this is just embarassing.” he scoffed, wiping his eyes and crossing his arms.

“get out.” he finished off, waiting for her to leave, his eyes holding such a deep sense of something, y/n couldn’t look him in the eyes.

she nodded silently, grabbing her stuff and leaving his room, he could hear the front door shut as well.

taking in a breath, he held his composure, leaving his room and walking upstairs. heading for matt’s room. he knew if he stayed in his room, alone, he’d never leave again. he was more embarassed than sad, he actually fell for y/n, and her fucking lies.

he knocked on matts door and without warning he walked in, closing the door behind himself and standing at the doorway before looking up to meet matt’s eyes, his eyebrow arched at his brothers sudden appearance.

his face immediately softened once he heard a sob from chris’ throat and caught sight of his brothers, tear stained cheek and bloodshot eyes still filled with tears. he opened his arms for him, inviting chris to lay in his arms and cry as much as he needed to.

chris walked over to matts bed, taking a seat right next to him, putting his torso onto matts and stuffing his face into the crook of his neck.

matt rubbed his back, whispering and humming soothing words, his heart aching for chris. he’d never want to see his brother in this state, but he was glad he came to him rather than dealing with it alone, thats all he’d ever ask for.

he wasnt sure what was going on, but all he knew was that chris needed him and he’d be there for as long as he needed.

1587 words.

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @genshin-addict @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @sturnib-tch @b2cute @livvy4realll @graysturns @wh0resstuff @jnkvivi @sturn-bugz

@maryx2xx @mattsmad @dollyspsychoxo

[taxkha]

I absolutely ADORE your art you are so talented!!! The way you draw people / characters has really incredible emotion and like a sense of character omg I really enjoy your work. can I ask a q about reccomendations, you can do one or the other or both or absolutely neither LOL up to you and just for fun!!! Do you have any favorite sports animes and/or klapollo fics??? I was CRAZY into klapollo a while ago and I miss them sm! Also was looking at ur posts and saw your bday was on May 15, mine is May 18 .so happy belated bday and let's celebrate being Taurus (sorry not to have stalkerish vibe LMAO) have an awesome day!!!

ahh thank you so much!! <3 this makes me so happy to hear! Regarding sports anime, I mostly watched the most popular sports anime but nothing too niche. I used to be a HUGE Haikyuu fan and drew a shit ton of fanart for it. If you havent watched/read it yet I recommend this one. I also like Kuroko no basuke a lot but its been so long since I watched it. I have a soft spot for Free! still and while I didnt enjoy yuri on ice when it came out I recently rewatched it to see if I would like it more now and I do! I watched Yowamushi Pedal up to a certain point and I liked it but I dropped it for some reason and I cant remember why. Knowing me, probably because I'm bad at watching shows :"D And for Klapollo fics: I actually made a big list a while ago here ! I have since then read a few more fics, a recent fave of mine is this one ! I have a lot of Klapollo fics in my bookmarks on Ao3, my username is Taxkha so if you feel like it you can browse through my bookmarks, I think. The recent 10+?? pages are all Klapollo fics lol

And hell yes, happy late bday to you too fellow Taurus! Also no worries, its not stalker behavior to scroll through my very public blog 8"D <3 Thank you for taking the time to send this ask and have an awesome day too!

[bridgyrose]

Yang has trouble finding a non-sexy halloween costume that fits

(I might have to continue this one later)

Yang sighed as she glanced at her reflection, disappointed on how much cleavage the costume showed. It was the same way every year since Signal, and she was tired of it. Costumes that were more modest never fit right, costumes that fit always showed off more skin than she preferred, and none of the costumes ever fit right, always too tight somewhere. She pulled off the witch’s gown she had tried on and started to get dressed again. “At least I didnt have to spend money on it this time.” 

Blake knocked on the dressing room door. “You find anything that works yet?” 

“Not yet,” Yang answered as she put the costume back into its package and opened the door once she was dressed. “Just another “slutty” costume.” 

“I thought you had always enjoyed wearing that kind of stuff. You didnt have a problem dressing in a tight, red dress last year.” 

Yang shrugged. “Its different when dressing up as one of my favorite characters. Besides, this year, I want to do something different.” 

Blake gently took the package from Yang. “And you think a witch is different?” 

“No, but its what I could’ve done with it. Take the robe and turn it into something else. Dye it, color it, cut it apart and resew it with another costume.” 

“Then what’s stopping you now?” 

“Because I need something quick and easy for Ruby’s birthday party.” Yang walked back over to the costume racks and started to look through them again. “Every year for her birthday, we like to dress up and watch movies. This year, I want to do something special since this is the first in five years that she hasnt been on a mission on her birthday. And I want to bring it all back to our roots. Just being dorks and watching a few slasher flicks.” 

Blake nodded and started to search through with Yang, pulling a few costume packages for herself to try on. “I guess I see why you’re stressing over this.” 

Yang pulled a couple other costumes, immediately putting them back once she saw the word “slutty” on them as advertisement. She let out a heavy sigh and finally pulled away from the costume racks. “Guess its time to check the next place.” 

“Why not grab a couple costumes and adjust them as needed?” 

“If I had more time, I would.” Yang pulled out her scroll and started to flip through her calendar. “Ruby’s birthday is in five days. I need to find a costume, find a projector, figure out a cake for her, send invites to the rest of our friends, find a way to keep Ozpin occupied so he doesnt send her on a mission last minute, make sure I have party supplies, and I still need to organize where we’re actually going to hold this since dad told us we werent allowed to use the side of his place again after a mishap with his flower garden.” 

“Let Weiss and I handle some of this,” Blake said as she made her way to the fitting room. “Weiss can take care of the venue and I can take care of the cake and Ozpin.” 

“The last time I let Weiss handle anything, we ended up in a place all of us were out of place for.” 

“Then give her a list.” 

“I…” Yang stared at her scroll and looked over the list of everything she needed. “You… have a point. This is a lot for one person.” 

Blake nodded and came out of the fitting room wearing an elven archer costume. “Go find a costume, I’ll take care of the cake, and send Weiss a list of venues to look at.” 

Yang smiled. “I see why Ruby likes you.” 

“Now go.” 

Yang nodded and made her way out of the costume store, crossing off the cake from her list and marking it down as Blake’s responsibility. She paused in her step after a bit as she caught a costume shop she had never seen before out of the corner of her eye. Everything about it seemed off, an orange banner that read “Costumes” with no other sign for a name, and a few halloween decorations put up around the door. 

“Well, I guess I dont have anything to lose checking this out,” Yang said to herself as she opened the door. She paused in the doorway as she looked into the shop, rows of costumes lined the walls of the small shop though no one seemed to work it. Just a small sign next to the cash register that read “Leave equal payment”. 

“Anyone here?” Yang called out into the shop, the only answer being the empty air of the shop. With no answer, Yang slowly walked in and started to look through the costumes. The first costume she pulled from the rack was an old Victorian style dress from the old Kingdom of Vale in bright yellows, purples, and deep blues. The next costume she looked at was a bear suit that seemed to fit her without issue. Finally, Yang settled on a costume that was labeled as “Princess”, a light blue dress with sparkles and a white choker with a small tag. 

“Do not wear past midnight.” Yang chuckled to herself as she folded the costume up. “I dont have to worry about that, nothing we do will last past ten.” She slowly folded the costume and left enough lien to pay for the costume on the counter, too focused on her plans for Ruby’s birthday to notice the shop disappearing as she left and closed the door behind her.

[cagcd]

Johnny Cage.   What an individual. Raiden had made many new friends since joining the monks and he was certainly one of the most- amusing of them! Still, Fujin couldnt quite ignore the itch in her head every time she saw him by his lonesome.. It almost felt like a natural contradiction! He hadn't- SAID anything was wrong.. but then again Raiden didnt tell her about interdimensional martial arts fighting with lightning and an Actual God but it still happened. Still she didnt want to accidentally be rude if she pried and found nothing- so she opted for the simple approach! That evening as they turned in for the day Fujin made a note to pay Johnny a visit before he went to bed, taping her hand to Johnny's arm twice as a courtesy, letting the man know she was there before she moved again, this time wrapping her arms around him in a gentle but firm embrace. " Thanks for the saves out there, I dunno what we'd do without you! Try and get some sleep, yeah? I'll be up for a few more hours if something keeps you up and you wanna chat, okay? " ( Johnny appreciating Hours! >=3 )

     It's funny,   to think he feels most at home in the presence of dimensional horrors and entities beyond imagination of the human mind,   despite each revelation and new development to catch the star off guard,   it was in fighting that he realised he was at his element,   and he had missed it,   the earlier days when sweat and blood were the sole prize for hard work,   but each loss and victory had a weight of their own that spoke of accomplishments,   not the dazzled and false tokens of an actor's life he had watched their glow fade quicker than a dying flame.   When memory regresses back to the simpler times,   he can't help but think of her,   the one who loved him when he was a nobody,   shared every loss and win with similar emotions as though they were her own.   He remembers the delight on her expression when he had told her about his first acting gig,   cheered him on through every step of the way until that smile became forced and touched by sadness.   He only has himself to blame for what happened,   for losing sight of what's important   &.   worry about his career instead of her.   Their last fight still played in his head on repeat during the quiet moments,   he had hoped to make it right when all of this was done and over with                only to receive a text from her informing him of her wish to divorce,   no closure,   no chance for an apology,   but a greedy lawyer that had encouraged her to suck him dry of his wealth,   it was bitter,   cruel,   it tore him apart.   They were once so in love,   and for half a lifetime together to end in this manner ?   He can't fathom it.

  He never allowed his troubles to show through however,   confidant smile and nonchalant attitude remained as they were on the surface,   [  always the actor,    wether on or off stage.  ]   He had never been one for vulnerability despite his tendency for honesty,   he had never dug deep into that well of emotions,   lest the flood gates open wide and dreaded weaknesses come to show.   He took it silently,   feeling that wave of melancholy wash over him at times when most find peace,   phone in hand,   her last texts read over and over again   ...   he should delete her pictures,   but he hadn't the heart to erase a full life's worth of memories as though they had meant nothing,   they might as well be to her.   The urge to call someone had tugged on his mind on a few occasions,   scrolling through a long list of contacts he finds no sense of closeness to any of them.   His family was out of the question as well,   his brother,   his sister,   non that ever cared or wished him well.   As for his mother,   well,   that was a complicated issue of its own but he intends on apologising properly for never listening to her,   and hope he could salvage that connection at the very least.   With a sigh to himself he had willingly dragged himself out of his mind in attempt to ease the storm that raged within his mind.    Although he doubts he could get a shut eye,   he still followed suit,   intending to lie down at the very least,   this was a growing headache an endless state of dwelling would certainly not fix.   He had scarcely reached the door when a light touch tapped against his arm a couple of times.   Johnny turned,   and saw Fujin standing there.   It was never not pleasant to cross paths with her,   they had on several occasions stayed up until dawn just talking,   first because of a fight she had with Raiden then a habit a need for company.

       ❛❛   Hey,   what's up ?   ❜❜        he asked,   an easy smile on his expression at the sight of her,   always a refreshing air to him.   The answer comes in the form of an embrace,   firm,   gentle   &.   kind.   Quick wit doesn't qualify him to deal with such instances of spontaneity,   as he found himself nearly frozen at first,   hands stuck in the air as he tried to understand her purpose behind it.   There was none beside the intention to cheer him up,   whether fully intended or not,   he felt the load pressing on his chest lighten a tad,   not realising how much he needed the hug until it came,   and even better when it was from a friend   ...   no,   a sister.   Johnny relaxed then and returned the embrace tightly,   eyes closing momentarily as he allowed himself to take it in,        ❛❛   Mhm,   no promises,   but the offer goes right back to you,                 don't take it as an excuse to pick a fight with Raiden,   'kay ?   ❜❜        he jokes,   giving her a playful squeeze.        ❛❛   ...   Thanks.   ❜❜        I needed it.

@axrsinal // ASCREAMING CRYING WEEPING --

[amercsmemoirs]

The Handful and The Healer

Chapter 1: The Fateful Encounter 

AO3

Anders checked the time. 5:03am. Time to check on his newest patient. His ID said Damien Amell, and he was rushed in with alcohol poisoning. Anders pumped his stomach and got him an IV and, after some pain killers, went to sleep. Anders hadn't had much time to talk to him, but on a Wednesday night, there weren't that many people who needed emergency care.

Anders picked up the clipboard on the end of Damien's bed and examined his sleeping patient. Damien's face scrunched and he groaned. He blinked, and his eyes opened and - wow. Grey eyes. Anders had never met anyone with grey eyes; the few born with it typically develop some pigment as a toddler.

Anders was snapped from his train of thought when Damien started coughing. Anders looked over and Damien was sitting upright, hand at his throat.

"Side effect of the stomach pumping, unfortunately," Anders explained. "It's going to be a little hard for you to talk for a while."

"Heh, no kidding," Damien said. His voice was raspy and hoarse, and it probably hurt to even say that, but he still had a weak smile.

"How are you feeling? One word answers are fine," Anders added quickly.

"Hm. Better than yesterday," Damien croaked. "You sure did look surprised when you saw me wake up, doc. Was I that bad?"

"No - And you can call me Anders. You’re just awake earlier than I expected you’d be."

Damien’s face broke out in a grin.

"Heh, thanks. This isn’t my first rodeo, you know.” Then he coughed.

At that, Anders chuckled. His patient was resilient, he’ll give him that much.

"So, was last night a special occasion?" Anders asked.

Damien's head tilted in confusion. Anders's brows furrowed. Maybe he should rephrase the question?

"You know... the binge drinking?" Anders motioned to the hospital bed Damien was laying in.

Damien looked down at the bed and then realization struck.

"Oh! Hah, no, just a regular Wednesday night," Damien answered with a grin. "What, are you new here?"

Anders was completely baffled. How was he the one getting such a I-can't-believe-you-didn't-know-this look from someone binge drinking on a Wednesday night?

"I, uh ... I just transferred here last week from Fereldan. So yeah, I guess you can say I'm new."

Damien's face broke out in a grin. "Welcome to Kirkwall! You seem like a handsome, capable doctor. Why do you work at the smallest hospital in Low Town?"

Anders blinked. Was his patient ... hitting on him?

Damien's toothy grin really made Anders noticed his well-defined cheekbones, and his white teeth really shone next to his dark skin. Huh.

"Oh you know, the old story of med school debts, constant failure, and avoiding the problem. Kirkwall's Lowtown seemed a good place to start over."

Damien's expression darkened as he nodded solemnly. Like he understood where Anders was coming from.

"Where did you go to medical school?"

"Oh! Uh, I didn't. My older brother - he just graduated a few years ago."

"Does he work here?" Anders hadn't seen anyone who looked anything like Damien, but it's possible they just worked opposite shifts.

"Oh, no, he's one of those fancy doctors at that Amell Hospital in High Town," Damien responded casually. But also like he was surprised Anders didn't know that, either. "He's - oh, he's here."

Anders turned around and saw a tall man with shoulder length dreads making a beeline straight towards them. And he was tall. 6'4'' maybe? He probably towered over everyone. Broad shouldered, muscular - he was a doctor? That's insane -

Damien grunted as he threw his legs over the edge of his bed.

"Hey, you shouldn't be moving yet -"

"Damien!"

The man reached them and man, was he tall. And big. And looked incredibly haggard. Bags under his eyes, premature wrinkles. When was the last time this man slept?

The tired looking man pushed up the sleeves of his button up shirt as he pushed past Anders to examine his brother.

"Hey Zeke," Damien said as 'Zeke' turned his face back and forth.

"What's your temperature?," he asked, forgoing a greeting.

"Haven't had the chance to ask." Damien looked a little amused.

"Blood pressure? Last night's blood-alcohol content?"

"I'm pretty sure a doctor would know better than I would. Just ask Anders."

"Damien, please. At least call him 'Doctor'," 'Zeke' said, exasperated.

"Actually, I'm an EMT," Anders interrupted, finally finding his voice.

At that Zeke finally turned to him. It just dawned on him that he probably didn't even see him when he rushed to his brother. He looked him up and down, as if he was suddenly judging him.

"Hello Zeke," Anders began nervously. Damien's eyebrows raised. "I'm Anders. He doesn't have to call me 'doctor'," he added, hand stretched out. "Just my top notch, friendly bedside manner."

"He doesn't have to call you 'doctor'," Zeke agreed, rather coldly. "You aren't one. And it's Ezekiel."

Ouch. Anders lowered his hand.

"Hey, Zeke take it easy - " Damien hopped off the bed - well, less of a hop and more of a plop. He was almost as tall as his brother! And they both were taller than he was. Anders was already almost 6’ -

"We're leaving, Damien.”

As Ezekiel strided past Anders, Anders thought of saying a goodbye - but then thought better of it when he caught a glimpse of Ezekiel’s glower. Damien took two steps after Ezekiel and stopped in front of Anders.

“Yeah … He doesn’t really like it when people call him ‘Zeke’. Sibling privilege, unfair, I know,” Damien mused, patting Anders’s shoulder. This close, Anders could see small, silver lines on his face, marking old scars.

Then Damien winked. “Don’t worry, Anders, you’ll be seeing plenty of me. So you’ll be able to get to know Ezekiel better too! Works out for everyone.”

“Hah. Not too often, I hope?” Anders asked. He wouldn’t mind seeing those grey eyes outside the hospital.

Damien gasped, rather dramatically, and gripped his chest. “Anders! Don’t tell me you’re already tired of me!”

Anders laughed, but before he could get a response out, Ezekiel called for his brother from down the hallway. Damien said his goodbyes and followed his brother out of the hospital. The pair got stares from nurses, doctors, patients - literally everyone they passed on the way out. Ezekiel was cold, but he very clearly dropped everything as soon as he’d heard about his brother. And his brother, Damien … obviously a wild card. Anders felt like Damien walked away knowing more about him than the other way around. But, as extreme as he seemed, he still felt warm and friendly. What an interesting pair.

*~*~

A few hours later, Anders was finishing up his paperwork for the day in the hospital lab. He usually tried to stay out of the lab, but it was usually quieter there than anywhere else. And only doctors had offices. His eyes glanced over his patient list and his eyes caught the name Damien Amell. Why did ‘Amell’ sound so familiar?

“Hey, Bethany,” Anders started. Bethany Hawke was a new intern, fresh out of med school, aspiring to be a doctor. Apparently, she’d shown promise, as Chief of Medicine Orsino had pointed her out to Anders several times since he’s been at the hospital. Anders had to admit, Bethany was quick witted, completed all of her paperwork on time, and had excellent bedside manners. He hadn’t heard a single negative thing about her, and she’d been at this hospital for a few months now.

“Yeah, Anders?” Bethany’s voice rang up from the other side of the desk, behind a stack of papers. The lab wasn’t huge; relatively small for the amount of work they had to get done there, but they had as much equipment as they could fit there. Bethany learned to work around it all pretty quickly, and became pretty adept at stacking what she needed very high.

“What do you know about the ‘Amell’ family?”

“Amell?” She popped her head out from behind the stack and looked over at him. Her dark brown curls bounced as she got up and walked over to him.

“They’re my cousins,” she stated plainly.

“What?” Anders scanned her hazel eyes, trying to see if she was bluffing - but no, people as good as Bethany didn’t bluff.

“Yeah, my mom’s sister and her kids. Ezekiel, Damien, and Claire. Ooh, who did you meet?” She peeked over his shoulder at his paperwork.

“Damien Amell,” Anders answered for her. “And Ezekiel came to pick him up.”

“Oh you met Damien and Zeke!” Bethany exclaimed. Apparently, ‘Zeke’ was okay for siblings and cousins. Anders wondered if Damien knew. “Yeah, Damien is here a lot. It’s pretty much the only way to get Zeke to leave the hospital.”

“What hospital? Damien told me he was a doctor, but I don’t remember which one.”

“Are you kidding?” Bethany looked him up and down, an incredulous tone in her voice. Why did everyone in this family do that to him? “Ezekiel is the chief physician at the Amell Hospital. It’s the biggest and oldest hospital in Kirkwall.”

Now that was something Anders should have known. Maker, the Amell Hospital was huge. And cutthroat. Anders would be lucky to even get an interview. And yet, he did not envy Ezekiel. Even being born into the family, maybe even especially, getting the Chief of Medicine position was not going to be easy. And he still dropped everything to pick up his brother on the other side of town?

“That’s crazy,” Anders started, barely able to wrap his head around this new information. “Why is Damien so … out of control if he’s the son of the Revka Amell? How is he in and out of a rival hospital on a regular basis? Why is Ezekiel risking his position at the most prestigious hospital in the Free Marches to pick up his brother from a hospital? And why aren’t you working at your cousin’s hospital?”

Bethany laughed, her brown skin wrinkling at her eyes. Even her laugh was light and airy.

“Well, Damien has already established with Auntie Rev that he’s not going to be a doctor, and she’s already publicly disowned him. And I would barely call this place a ‘rival hospital.’ Ezekiel spends almost every day of the week in the hospital, doing Auntie Rev’s bidding so he can take over the hospital. So he can spare a day or two to spend with family. And me, I just like helping people. Amell Hospital doctors are a little too … ‘out for themselves’ for me. Except for Zeke, of course,” she added.

That gave Anders pause. That family was so complex, with so many different pieces to the puzzle. Oh, Maker. What had Anders learned?

“Why all the questions, hm? Interested in one of them?” Bethany teased. And she didn’t even sound malicious.

“Huh?” The question caught him off guard. Interested? In whom, exactly?

“Honestly, nearly everyone here wants to get Zeke, somehow.” Bethany seemed to shudder at the thought. “Don’t feel bad about it, but you’d have a long line of doctors and nurses to get through to get to him.” Another laugh.

“No, I’m not interested in Ezekiel, I was just - curious. There’s so much more going on than I’d thought.”

None of that was a lie, really. He just didn’t feel like it was the whole truth for some reason. Not that it mattered; the work he had was more important that this dysfunctional family.

“That’s fair. They are a bit of a mess.” She grinned a little sheepishly. “Well, I’m gonna finish my lab work, unless you had more questions about my cousins?”

Anders chuckled. “No, no. Sorry for taking up so much of your time.”

“No worries!”

She returned to her side of the desk and disappeared behind the stack of papers. He decided to return to his paperwork, as well. Damien Amell. Huh. Well, he’d rather not gonna worry about it right now. If he runs into him again, he’ll consider giving the Amells a second thought.

*~*~

Anders had about a week of normal, adrenaline rushing EMT work before Damien showed up again.

Over the weekend, the work picked up of course; bar fights, car accidents, self-repair mishaps. Nothing out of the ordinary for Kirkwall. He’d spent a few days recuperating at home with his new kitten, Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, and tending to the herb garden he’d set up in his kitchen. He was renting a small apartment in Lowtown, the most reasonable space he could think of given his workplace and his salary, and there wasn’t much room for greenery. However, modern inventions had created things like hanging pot racks and window sills, so Anders made do with what he had.

Then, Thursday night around 7:50pm, Anders was paged to go down to the ER to patch up a street market brawl patient. Apparently, the patient was jumped by four other men, all of whom were in surgery or getting stitches, but they just needed a few wounds sewed up. In hindsight, Anders felt like he really shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was to see Damien in the hospital bed. And to see that he was chatting with an elven nurse he seemed to know really well.

“You really didn’t need to involve yourself, you know,” she was saying as she wiped the blood off his face.

Damien winced. “They were giving Isabela a hard time! And they were drunk at like, 5 in the afternoon!”

The nurse - Anders recognized her as Velanna Ilshae - shook her head. “It was seven in the evening -” Damien protested. “And Isabela can handle herself. You and Carver got too involved.”

Damien looked fake appalled. “And what kind of gentleman would I be if I allowed a lady to be verbally accosted on my watch?”

Velanna stared at him for a few seconds and then smacked his nose.

“Hey!” Damien rubbed his nose and turned to see Anders at his bed. “Anders!” Damien grinned at him, then winced - Anders could tell that probably wasn’t the best idea. There were cuts on his cheeks, near his jawline - likely from multiple rings - and bruises up and down his arms. Whoever he’d fought against had to have been shorter than him. But realistically, who wasn’t? Anders wouldn’t be surprised if he had a fractured rib, honestly.

“Hello again, Damien.” Anders couldn’t help but smile just a little.

“Anders, please talk to Nurse Ilshae about her bedside manners. She just assaulted a bedridden patient!”

Velanna and Anders made eye contact and her expression completely gave off the idea that she would not care about what he had to say about that. Better to leave it alone.

“I can take it from here, Velanna,” he said instead.

She nodded and put the gauze down. Damien waved goodbye as she went to check on another patient.

“So is this a typical Thursday night?” Anders asked as he settled in Velanna’s spot. Those cuts were going to need cleaning and stitches.

“Hah!” Damien laughed, quite cheerfully actually, and then winced again. “Ow! Uh, no. While I do like to keep things interesting, this was more of a night out with friends after work.”

“That’s not very reassuring.” Anders finished cleaning Damien’s face and picked up the butterfly stitches.

Ander would have to get up close and personal to fix up Damien’s face. Time to put that top notch bedside manner to work.

“So, I met your cousin Bethany last week. Well, I’d met her before but I didn’t know she was your cousin. Your families are pretty well established here.”

Damien nodded instead of responding. He was either not good with needles or he knew the routine when someone is sticking his face back together. Probably both.

As Anders finished, he saw Damien’s hand reach up towards his face. Anders suddenly understood how Velanna got comfortable with smacking him.

“Don’t touch.”

Damien’s hand lowered quickly and Anders moved to stitch up the other side.

“But, you wouldn’t know how well established you and Bethany are just by looking at you. You’re both incredibly humble.”

Damien stifled a chuckle. Anders finished the other cheek and wiped the remaining blood off his patients face.

“So, where do you work?”

“The Bone Pit Construction Company,” Damien responded with a grin.

“The - The old mining facility?”

“Hah, yeah, crazy name right? Apparently, it decided to go into construction,” Damien explained. “The owner just didn’t feel like changing the name, I guess?”

“Huh. Well, I’m not too confident about you working in a construction zone with your injuries. I can write you a doctor’s note to get out of work for a few days.”

Damien shook his head. “No, don’t worry about it. I own the place, so I pretty much just bark orders.”

“Aren’t you a little young to own a construction company?”

Anders knew from his ID that he was only 24. Two years younger than Anders and yet so much taller.

“You’re telling me. But, you do a few favors for the owner, clean up some messes, uncover a few murder mysteries, and suddenly they just want nothing to do with the place. So it’s mine now, I guess.” Damien shrugged, then grabbed his side.

That didn’t sound right to Anders, but he didn’t know enough business ownership laws to argue.

“Sure. Alright take a deep breath for me.”

Anders put his stethoscope on and listened to Damien’s breathing. Nothing sounded out of the ordinary, though his heart rate was a little faster than normal.

“Are you feeling alright?” Anders asked.

“Yeah? I mean, relatively speaking. Could be better, could be worse.”

Damien sounded pretty calm.

“It’s just, your heartbeat is a little fast.”

“Oh! Uh, really? That’s, uh, strange, I feel fine. Hey, why were you using a needle earlier? You’re an EMT right? I thought they couldn’t do anything that breaks the skin.”

Was he changing the subject? Anders really didn’t know him well enough to tell if this was him being embarrassed or nervous or if he was just like that.

“Don’t tell me I make you nervous, Damien,” Anders teased. “This is a small hospital and since all of our doctors are taking care of their patients or the men you beat up, I can bend the rules a little.”

“Hm, you should have seen Carver,” Damien said. “He got away without a scratch. He’s Bethany’s twin, by the way.” Anders’s brows shot up. “Yeah, I figured you didn’t know.” Damien grinned yet again.

“Are there any other family members I should know about?” Anders couldn’t keep the exasperation out of his voice, but Maker, did Damien have a lot of relatives.

Damien laughed heartily - and then groaned in pain. Yeah, probably a bruised rib. “Uh, let’s see - Zeke, me, and Claire. And Bethany and Carver have two older sisters, Amber and Alexis. But uh, yeah, that’s it, I’m pretty sure. Do you not have siblings?”

Anders was taken aback by the question. It wasn’t out of line or anything, but Damien’s voice suddenly carried interest and concern. It was unexpected.

“No, I’m, uh, an only child. My parents passed away about a year ago. It’s actually why I was gone for a while.”

“Oh - And I kept making jokes. Sorry - well, sorry for your loss.”

Damien’s voice dropped a little and he looked so concerned and why was Anders even telling him this?

“Don’t worry about it. We weren’t that close. They weren’t too fond of me after I dropped out of med school.”

There was also the whole, preferred-sleeping-with-men thing, but Anders didn’t feel compelled to share that with this near stranger. But then Damien nodded like he understood.

“Yeah that’ll make someone’s parents disown them if they aren’t too careful.”

“Speaking from experience?” Anders asked.

“No, not uh, mine. Zeke went through a lot with Revka.”

“Revka.” Not “mom.”

“Well, I do not envy Ezekiel’s position.” Anders picked up Damien’s patient clipboard and started writing. “You seem fine, other than needing stitches, and your rib is likely just bruised. Nothing’s been punctured or broken, but you should still get some anti-inflammatory medication and keep your side iced for a few days. You should be fine. Also, here’s a doctor’s note anyway,” Anders added, handing him the paper. “You know, just in case you’d like to take a few days from your highly exciting lifestyle.”

Damien chuckled. “Thanks, Anders. I’ll definitely consider that.”

“So is your brother picking you up? I figured he’d show by now.”

If Anders didn’t know any better, he would have sworn Damien’s face fell for the briefest moment.

“Who knows. Maybe they told him it was just a fist fight and I wasn’t dying this time,” he responded casually.

“That would make sense -”

“Nevermind, there he is.”

Damien motioned behind Anders and there was Ezekiel, striding down the hallway to them. Again, Ezekiel pushed past Anders to get to Damien. Anders was convinced he was invisible or something.

“Hey, Zeke.” Damien wore a sheepish grin. “What took so long? We were scared you’d forgotten about me.”

Ezekiel frowned but didn’t dignify that with a response.

“Are you alright?” The older brother was eyeing the stitches on his brother’s cheeks. Maker, Anders didn’t want to know what he’d say if Ezekiel learned he did it and not a certified doctor.

“Yeah I’m fine. Carver is too,” Damien added.

Ezekiel’s teeth clenched. “Carver was with you? Is he here - Is he hurt?”

“No, no, bro, relax. Carver didn’t get a scratch on him. He dropped me off at the hospital and then took Isabela home.” Damien placed his hands on his brothers shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. It looked like that worked.

“Isabela was there too? What, did someone ‘verbally accost’ her again?”

Damien laughed and grabbed his side. “Aaah. Ow. Yeah. Those men are also here, if you were interested in knowing that.”

Ezekiel paused for a second. He seemed to be considering if he cared? Maybe? “I wasn’t. Who did your stitches?”

Damien pointed behind Ezekiel at Anders. “Anders the EMT.” Damien grinned.

Ezekiel turned and looked at Anders for the first time. Yeah, he was definitely invisible to this giant. Ezekiel looked almost the same as last week; bags under his eyes like he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in years, a few lines on his face, and - sunken cheeks? Was he getting enough to eat? The clothes were different, at least. White, purple, and grey plaid button up with black slacks.

“Anders.”

“Hello, Ezekiel.” Anders didn’t want to risk saying more than that after last week’s interaction.

Ezekiel and Damien exchanged a meaningful look and then Ezekiel sighed and turned back to Anders.

“The stitches look - good. Like they won’t get infected.”

Damien groaned loudly and Anders held back a laugh. He had to assume that was Ezekiel’s version of a compliment.

“Uh, thank you. I do my best with what we have. It’s not Amell quality resources, but we get by.” Anders smiled.

Ezekiel frowned and Damien grimaced and - Did Anders say something wrong?

“Right. We should get going, Damien.”  

Ezekiel walked by Anders down the hallway.

Damien got off the bed with that same grimace and stood next to Anders.

“You weren’t wrong, but you shouldn’t have said it. Zeke’s actually convinced Revka to donate supplies to Kirkwall’s hospitals twice a year. So some of this stuff is Amell quality.”

Anders could have kicked himself. Of course that sounded bitter.

“Can you tell him -”

“You’re sorry you said something so hurtful in your ignorance and hope to make it up to him?”

Anders suppressed a frown. “The first bit is more accurate.”

“Heh, alright. I can pass that along. Take care, Anders.”

Damien patted Anders’s shoulder and caught up with his brother, saying something about grabbing dinner before going home.

Just like last time, heads turned as they made their way out the building. Anders was impressed, just like last time, but he was starting to understand why. Sure, Ezekiel was definitely a catch, but Damien had his own charms. He was quick witted and funny and could take a punch, apparently. Actually, a great deal of pain, as many times he’s been in the hospital.

Anders called a nurse to clean what was left of Damien’s blood and moved on to the next patient.

*~*~

Anders strode through the hallway to the break room as quickly as he could. Doctors and nurses flitted about, rushing from one room to another, administering flu shots and changing bandages. It was a Tuesday afternoon and there were a lot of people in the ER with flu symptoms. Some just had stab wounds (this was Lowtown) but more than the usual were sick. He’d already been working since 10am and it was already 3pm. And he was starving. If he could just make it to the break room he’d be in the clear -

“Anders!”

Maker’s balls.

Anders stopped and turned to see Velanna flagging him down.

“Hey, I need you to take over a patient in the clinic for me.”

“Why, Velanna?”

“Because it’s time for my shift to be over.” Velanna crossed her arms, daring him to challenge her.

“Velanna, I’ve been here since 10 and I haven’t eaten -”

“Anders, I’ve been here since last night and I was called in to help with the sudden wave of sick people and I had to cancel a date with a handsome man to stay here.”

Anders glared at her and her superior smirk and gave up. It wasn’t his first full shift without eating and probably wouldn’t be his last.

“Fine. Whatever.”

“Thank you so much, Anders,” Velanna said sarcastically. She patted his arm once as they passed each other. He groaned in response and headed to the clinic.

----

Anders grabbed the clipboard in front of the door and knocked. This patient was diagnosed with a bruised rib and needed a follow up, but they weren’t sick, at least. He heard a voice confirm his entry and opened the door.

“Hey Anders!”

Anders looked up at the cheerful voice and there was Damien, leaning back on his elbows in the bed. His red shirt was torn just above his bicep and was tucked into his black jeans. Damien sat up as Anders crossed the room to him.

“Of course it’s you.” Anders sighed.

“Oh - yeah, sorry, it’s just me,” Damien responded despondently. “Didn’t really mean to bug you again -”

“No, no. No. Sorry Damien,” Anders cut him off. “I’m glad to see you - especially since it’s not in the ER.”

“Yeah, just a follow up, doc.” Damien seemed to be proud of that.

“I’m just really tired and starving and Velanna fed me some story about having to cancel a date with some guy and I just realized it was all a ploy to get me here -”

“She told you she cancelled a date with a guy?” Damien asked, incredulous. “She has a girlfriend, Anders. They hang out with Bethany and Claire sometimes. I’ve even seen them go on double dates with Carver and Merrill. Her name is Sigrun, I think?”

Anders pinched the bridge of nose in frustration. Velanna lied to get him in room with Damien. Why?

“Right. Of course. Just to mess with me I’m sure.”

“No! No, that’s not why - uh, look Anders I don’t wanna impose but -”

“Yes, right, your ribcage. Let me check you out.” Anders approached Damien and poked Damien’s ribcage and he jumped a little, but no groaning, no wincing.

“Your ribs are okay?”

Damien nodded and Anders examined his face - thin, dark lines replaced the red ones from a week ago. Damien’s arms weren’t bruised anymore either.

“You’re all healed up. This is literally the first time I’ve seen you uninjured. Why are you here then?”

“Right, yeah, hang on.”

Anders took a step back as Damien got off the bed and picked up a bag from the floor. He pulled out a small container of pasta, a smaller container filled with - maybe meat? - and a third full of red sauce.

Damien couldn’t be doing what Anders thought he was doing…. Could he?

“I don’t want you to feel like this is a bribe, or anything - I just made dinner last night and I figured you would need something to eat or whatever. I wanted to give this to you whether or not you said yes - Also I wasn’t sure if you ate meat? And I didn’t want to assume, so there’s vegetarian red sauce and some chicken -”

Damien went on and on with increasing nervousness and Anders just couldn’t wrap his head around this. Damien asked Velanna to get Anders into the clinic so Damien could bring him food and - what else?

“Damien, Damien,” Anders interrupted him. Damien stopped talking almost immediately. “What are you trying to say?”

“That, uh, this is your lunch that I made whether or not you say ‘yes.’ I mean - if you want it.” Damien extended the containers to Anders.

“Okay. Thank you, Damien,” Anders started, as he took the containers. “Say yes to what?”

“I was hoping that, maybe on your next off day or something, maybe you and I can … you know … go out to dinner? Or, like, lunch or a movie or something.”

Anders blinked. He went through all of this to ask him out?

“And if you don’t want to it’s fine! I’ll leave and you won’t have to see me again.” Damien paused. “Well, you will see me again, ‘cause I’m here a lot, but not like, in a ‘potentially romantic’ situation -”

“Damien. You’re rambling.” Anders couldn’t hold back a grin. When was the last time he was asked out on a date? Couldn’t even remember the last time he asked someone else. Maker, was he being courted? He suddenly felt nervous.

“Mhm.” Damien stopped talking again.

“I’d be glad to go on a date with you. One thing though; it’ll just be you and me, right? No family members?”

Damien’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and then he laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Just you and me. No family.”

“Then I’ll let you know when I’m free.” Anders smiled up at Damien and might have even thought he was blushing. Maker, he was too old to blush.

“That’s - Awesome! Great! Can’t wait!” Damien leaned in towards Anders, like he was going for a hug but then decided not to. “I’ll, uh see you around!”

Damien grabbed the bag and his jacket and bounded out the door. Anders looked over the stack of containers he’d gotten. How could anyone be so sweet?

And then he realized he didn’t have Damien’s number. So sweet and so impulsive. Anders supposed he could get Damien’s number from Velanna or Bethany -

Then he saw black writing on the largest container:

My brother’s number: (xxx) xxx-xxxx -Ezekiel

[neptuneofthesky]

The Demon Babysitter | HDBNY pt.1

Karl Jacobs x reader

Masterlist | Next Part

collab with @alec-lost-bee, (you can go follow him if you want to know some headcanons and behind-the-scenes stuff!!)

The taglist for this fic is open!

also, we are not promoting summoning demons and stuff, this is just a FANFICTION

"Boredom will kill me."

"Not if I kill you first."

----

Bored.

So bored.

So freaking bored.

Ugh.

That's what Karl was feeling.

Bored.

Even scrolling through his phone was not entertaining him.

He let out a sigh as he got up from his chair and plopped down back on his bed.

He sighed.

Nothing to do.

Sleep?

Nah.

He sighed as he got up from bed and plopped down on his chair and just started to aimlessly surf on his computer.

CAN WE PRETEND THAT AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY...[Read More]

PERFECT WINGED LINER!! HOW TO...[Read More]

JACKBOX PARTY PACK...[Read More]

HOW TO SUMMON THE GODS OF HELL

….What?

Karl squinted his eyes and clicked on the last link as it opened to a… funny-looking website.

He scoffed, really? Summon a demon?

He hummed as he thought for a second.

Well, he had nothing better to do anyway.

Imagined being so bored that you try to summon a freaking demon.

Welp, Karl knew it wasn’t gonna work anyways…

He skimmed through the site as he decided to skip the big paragraphs,

Treat them with honesty and respect. NEVER command, demand, or try to exploit them in any way

1. Know the demon you are trying to summon, [demon list: demons WE have interacted with]

2. It is important to have a specific purpose, know exactly why you are summoning a particular demon.

Well, he was bored.

Isn’t that valid enough?

3. When we ask for assistance from a Demon, it is only proper to offer something in return. Be prepared to give something in return.

He hummed as he thought for a minute, what can he offer?

His eyes landed on some monster cans on his desk as he shrugged.

Monster is a cool offering in his opinion.

He skipped a few parts as he just started skimming through the things he needed.

A quiet place.

Incense stick.

Black candles.

A paper containing the demon’s sigil.

He clicked on the demon list and started scrolling.

Knowledge.

I have plenty of knowledge.

Astral projection.

What the hell is astral projection?

Love.

Ha. Love.

Advice.

He hummed.

Advice?

Like a demon councilor?

Sounds pretty cool.

He clicked on the first name he saw,

Asmodeus

He hummed as a sigil opened up in a new tab and he proceeded to print it.

Okay, candles and incense sticks.

He must have them.

Probably.

After looking for five minutes, he found three candles and two incense sticks.

He turned off his lights as lit them all up in front of his mirror as he exhaled.

What does he have to do now?

Okay, imagine the sigil in your mind, and chant the demon's name in your head without any interruptions.

He closed his eyes as he did what was told.

Asmodeus.

Asmodeus.

Asmodeus.

...

Asmodeus?

He opened his eyes as a gust of wind blew out the candles.

He furrowed his brows.

I thought the windows were closed.

The smoke from the incense sticks started to make weird patterns in the air as Karl's eyes widened.

There is no way in hell this is happening.

He gulped in panic as he mumbled to himself, "Why the fuck am I doing this? Summoning a fucking demon? Why-"

"Now, that's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

Two bright red dots lit up in the dark corner of the room, as Karl's eyes widened.

It actually freaking worked.

He whipped his head around so fast that he almost got whiplash, as those two red dots glowed even brighter.

"Holy shit-"

You hissed, "Please don't use that word, Mr. Karl Jacobs."

He slightly gasped, "How do you know my name?"

You chuckled and stepped out of the dark and clicked your fingers as his lights turned back on, "You know mine, it'd be rude if I don't know yours."

Karl just gulped again as he drank in your appearance.

He didnt really expect a demon to look like... this.

There were no horns, no wings, no tail.

You were wearing a suit?

Pretty.

You slightly smirked as you noticed he was practically checking you out, "Karl Jacobs?"

He snapped out of his trance as his lips parted, "You're... you're a..."

You raised a brow, "A demon? Yes. Now, what is it that you want me to do?"

He took a deep breath, "You're... you're Asmodeus?"

You smiled and nodded, "Yes, that is my demon name."

He slowly nodded, "And I summoned you?"

You closed your eyes as your jaw tightened, "........Yes. YOU summoned ME. That's why I am asking, what do you need me to do?"

He blinked as he nervously chuckled, "That, you see... um, you give advice, right?"

You tilted your head and folded your hands, "Yep, advice, answer to any of your questions, astral projection, relationships, I can even guard an important possession of yours."

He blinked as he slowly nodded in understanding, "Oh..."

You clicked your tongue and "Karl Jacobs, did you summon me without any purpose?"

His eyes slightly widened, "I... I do have a purpose...?"

You rolled your eyes, "So no purpose got it."

"I was bored," He blurted out of fear.

Great Karl.

You raised a brow, "You were bored... That is your justification? You were bored, and that's why you decided to summon me, out of boredom?"

"Um, it's not like that-"

An unimpressed look came over your face, "And I'm guessing you have nothing to offer either?"

He eyed the monster cans, "You... like monsters?"

You slightly smirked as your eyes turned slightly red, "Of course I do. I am one."

He gulped as you traced the monster can with your pointer finger, "Well, it's only fair if I take your soul as compensation for wasting my time..."

His eyes widened like saucers, "What? No, please no-"

You smiled in satisfaction as you could feel his fear, "Tell me, Karl Jacobs, what is it that you desire?"

You took a step forward as he leaned away from you, "Um, the will to live?"

You blinked and paused, "What?"

He paused as well and tilted his head, "Was I supposed to give a different answer?"

You squinted your eyes as they turned back to brown, "You were actually... Can you show me your wrist?"

Before he can even move his arm, you grabbed it as you turn it with slight force.

Karl's eyes slightly widened as he saw what was written on his wrist.

Asmodeus

You hummed, "I like the cursive."

Karl stared at his wrist in wonder as he looked up to you, "Is my name written on you too?"

You nodded, "Yeah."

His eyes twinkled, "Show me."

You playfully rolled your eyes, "I can't. It's on my ass."

He blinked, "What?"

You chuckled and shook your head, "I'm kidding."

You pulled up your sleeve as you showed him his name, which was written in the same cursive font.

"So, are you gonna take my soul? As compensation?"

You laughed as you went in front of the mirror and started fixing your hair, "I just wanted to scare you. I like fear. But since I'm here now..."

You hummed and picked up the paper with your sigil as you stared at it, "I can't really leave now."

You clicked your fingers as a book appeared in your hand and tucked the paper inside it, "Keep this somewhere safe, maybe among your... mangas? Good vibes, you know?"

You turned to him and patted his head, "Don't burn it or I'll kill you."

His eyes widened, "What?"

You just hummed, "Your hair is so fluffy. How old are you again?"

He just awkwardly chuckled, "Thanks... I'm turning 24 in a few months I guess."

You nodded and hummed again, "I gotta go now. I have some work to do."

He blinked as you sniffed the incense stick, "W-work?"

You nodded, "Yeah, work. This smells so good, I'm keeping this."

You tucked both the burnt-out incense sticks in your pocket, "Better than perfume. Can I use your phone?"

He fumbled with his phone as he unlocked it, "Y-yeah, sure."

You smiled and dialed a number, which was obviously unknown to Karl, "Wilbur? Can you- what do you mean who? It's me, Y/n."

Y/n?

You peeked out of the window and paused, "I need you to pick me up. I have some work to do, need your help as well. Alright. Dream? Sure."

You muttered the address and ended the call, handing the phone back to Karl, "I'll see you later. Someone else will come and visit you."

He furrowed his brows, "Wait- what? Who is gonna visit me? And is your name Y/n-"

But you were already gone.

---

Both Dream and Wilbur stared at Karl's house in disgust.

Wilbur turned to you, "So, you are like his councilor?

You rolled your eyes, "More like a babysitter. He doesn't have a purpose but my name is already imprinted on him."

Dream rolled his eyes, "Why are you even staying if he doesn't have a purpose? Just take his soul and go back."

You sighed, "My... desire thing didnt work on him."

They both paused as Wilbur furrowed his brows, "...What?"

You nodded and cracked your knuckles, "That's why I'm gonna stay."

Dream clicked his tongue, "What do you need us to do?"

You took a deep breath as darkness slowly surrounded your form, "I need you to find out why Karl has an angel charm on his house."

----

Karl was staring at his shelf.

More specifically, on that book.

The book that had that sigil.

He sighed as he wondered to himself.

What will happen if he burns the sigil?

Will you be gone?

He hummed.

You did tell him NOT to burn the book, and that you will kill him if he tried to.

But,

What if he did burn it?

He hummed.

Maybe he should burn it.

That is what got into him in this mess.

Well, technically, it was his boredom but,

never mind.

I have to pee first.

He got up as he went to do his business. But when he got back,

He jumped in surprise as he saw three total strangers in his room, one was sitting on the window sill, one was leaning on his computer table, munching on a muffin, and one was sitting on his bed.

All of them were staring at him.

Karl shivered as a deep voice rumbled,

"What were you thinking of doing, Karl Jacobs?"

His eyes widened as the one on the window sill got up and took a step forward.

Karl gulped, "You have... you have a very deep voice, mister..."

The guy offered him a handshake, "Corpse."

The one with a muffin happily waved at him, "I'm Bad!"

Karl furrowed his brows, "You're bad?"

Bad giggled, "My full name is Badboyhalo, but you can call me Bad."

Karl slowly nodded as his eyes moved on the guy who was sitting on his bed.

The guy gave him a mini salute as Corpse spoke for him, "That's Callahan."

Karl nodded again and cleared his throat, "Oh... um, I'm Karl, but you already know that so... Who are you guys again?"

Bad grinned, "We are Y/n's friends! Wait, don't tell me she didn't tell you that we were going to come and visit?"

Karl paused as he recalled that you did tell him, "No, she did say that someone will come and visit me... Are you guys... demons too?"

Callahan nodded in response.

"So back to the main topic, why were you thinking of burning the sigil?"

His eyes slightly widened as he looked at Corpse, "You guys are psychic? Well, I should've already-"

Bad pointed at Callahan, "He's psychic, so be careful of what you are thinking around him."

I think you guys are idiots.

Callahan gave Karl a 'really' look as Karl let out an embarrassed chuckle, "Sorry. And I wasn't really going to do it, I was just wondering what would happen if I did burn it...?"

Corpse's eyes darkened, "Don't burn it. If you break your bond abruptly, it won't end well for both of you."

Karl tilted his head in slight confusion, "Our bond?"

Callahan gestured to his wrist as Bad hummed, "You summoned her, so you both are kind of connected now. She'd be here, even before you think about her."

He blinked, "Really? She'll appear anytime I want her to?"

Corpse nodded, "Yeah, kind of. Unless she is super busy."

Asmodeus.

Karl closed his eyes tightly as he braced himself from the sudden gust of wind that blew in the room.

But the demons didn't even flinch.

"I was eating."

He flinched as he turned around to find you standing there with a fork and knife in your hand, "Oh... okay then, um, go back to eating?"

And she was gone even before Karl blinked.

Bad hummed as he looked at Corpse, "The charm is already gone right?"

Callahan gave Bad an 'I'm done' look, as Bad gasped, "Oh, right, if it wasn't gone we wouldn't be here."

Karl furrowed his brows, "What charm?"

Bad smiled at him, "It's a demon thing. So, Karl, do you like muffins?"

----

Glossary

Sigil: a symbol

Angel charm (here): a protection spell on Karl's house, that prevented demons to enter his house

tags!

@rexit-mo, @alex--awesome--22, @hi-imuwu, @the-official-memester, @beeissdead, @malfoysslutt, @beeseira, @incorrectquotesformyuse, @uselesssapphickitten, @ahmya-4, @penumbrasposts, @itsberrydreemurstuff, @chaoticotaku, @aikochan4859

[shindobato]

Cheers to the yashahime tag, for a better 2021.

As we are leaving 2020 behind, and hopefully so does the slow part of the plot. So as to cleanse myself, and in celebration of the show returning, I'll share one of the funniest nights i had on december.

_

Ok so after watching yashahime ep 13 premiere, my dash was dead, so i decided to venture in the mistical world of its tag since its still fresh on my mind, and i have OPINIONS that have been brewing of the last half an hour.

Of course my one and only goal is VALIDATION, as one usually does, but of course, I've been on this website since its golden days, and as a veteran I know the passion and complete willful oversight of clear flaws users can have. I've been through the superwholocks, i been in precense of the rise of the brave tangled dragons, i've been tempted by jelsa, I seen people become kpop stans and i've seen the reylos go around from time to time.

I was ready, and I had my expectations set accordingly.

And as soon as the tag loads, im completely dumbfounded. I see users shredding the show appart. Completely obliterating it. Finding flaws that I havent even realize were there. I sense the collective confusion about what the actual fuck is happening in this show.

Validation is running throw my veins, serotonin is hittting the right spots, my plants are watered and my skin clears. Im in cloud 9...

When suddenly im punched in the face by Sesskagu... That apparently is a thing... With naraku being super granpa... Even tho kaguya died in the final act, but I mean... Not everyone that dies in this show is dead.

You do you, the show has given you literally nothing, yall deserve plot development, even if it is fictitious. (I would still have the psych ward on speed dial in case this gets too out of control)

I try to recover but im slapped by the end of year top lists. Of course i'm in the tag, its biased. But for real, I saw a bunch of post with noblesse on their drop out lists, with yashahime in their top 10. Im only watching those 2 shows weekly, I get that noblesse didnt do shit on the first 7 episodes, but neither did yashahime. At least noblesse eventually had their bishi shonen battles.

As I scroll deeper into the tag, I finally get what I wasn't looking for, but what I really wanted to see. Some poor lost souls, warriors for lost causes, fighting with all their might against the hate for the show.

Its not bad to enjoy the show for what it is, but telling others that they should "tag accordingly" so they can filter the hate and the psychotic theories. Which was honestly 99% of the content...

The thing is that it is not hate, its ANGER. The show deceived and baited us all, specifically with those first 4 episodes.

Even with the comparisons of inuyashas pace, it doesnt make it look good. At least they had a random fragment of the pearl once in a while. In here poor haruha has had zero progress with her debt, while the twins stay in the same village looking for a butterfly thats not there. Also they keep suddenly remembering that inuyasha had lore, which really jimmis my neutrons.

Even tho my blood was boiling. It was pitifully hilarious to read. Thats the tag experience one should strive for. *chefs kiss*

All in all, im honestly so glad this tag is having non of the bullshit.

Y'all hilarious. I love you all, and thank you.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 19

It’s 6am and Brandon woke me up when he got up to go to work so now... i answer asks bc i cant sleep. 

@mileyzangel said: Can you please make a Harley Quinn hairstyle from both Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey?

I went and watched Birds of Prey the other night and it was really good. Brandon went to sleep I think tfgvhb. But I doubt I’ll try doing her hair from either of the films. @enriques4 is working on one for her Birds of Prey look if you are interested in that <3

Anonymous said: is tiny living worth it? im leaning towards the gameplay although i love cas. is the gameplay as bad as people say?

I honestly don’t think the new beds do anything. They’re... there. Lmao I think the CAS and buy items are very nice. If we get some cc murphy beds then that would make them a lot more usable tbh.  

Anonymous said: how do you and ayoshi keep making some fantastic collabs?? y'all are literally the first people i go to when I make a fresh install and I can't wait to see what you do next

Anonymous said: AxA CC KINGS!!!

Anonymous said: you guys didnt have to snap like that on AxA

Anonymous said: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PACK U AND AYOSHI DO PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE

Anonymous said: another iconic ah00b x ayoshi collab YAS LESSGOOOO

We put a bunch of cc ideas (hair and clothes) in a discord server we have together and then work on the stuff together on call usually so each item is the way we both want me. Like for example i’ll be meshing the Ivy top while he works on texturing the ribbed version.  We also only do collabs when they happen, we didn’t plan AxA 2019 or this new set, mainly just made cc starting in May and wrapped it up in July to release in August. Then this time we started making stuff late December and got most of it done by the time I got done with my break. Having a planned collab/deadline makes stuff less stressful and the stuff usually turns out better imo

Anonymous said: hi! ur sims are so prettyyyy what skin texture and eyes do u use?

Anonymous said: hi! wcif the eyes of the sim in the edit that Dogsill edited for you please? thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I really love the way your sims looks so, I was what skin and eyes you use?

I actually am changing my default eyes so I need to update my resource page soon ;n; but the skins they use are all listed for each sim on the resource page here

Anonymous said: you always name axa packs by the year but this one was named after a season those that mean.... 👀

We are wanting to do something in the fall, just not sure how our lives will be then ya know? There’s a chance that this will be the AxA 2020. Since we weren’t sure I didn’t want to label it that if 2 AxA’s release this year lmao

Anonymous said: what game is the pokemon thing you're playing!? pls help a guy out i'm in love with the art style

Pokemon Sword and Shield (I have shield) for Nintendo Switch. I’ll prob post more pics once I get some new shinies :P

@kristabunny said: lol is it bad that when I saw your Santana hair I read it as Satan Hair XD

tbhhhhh it was lowkey referencing that lmao. I made the hair in October for a speed meshing video and since it was around Halloween I was like “lemme give her an almost demonic name” also Santana from glee is a queen

Anonymous said: Tbh I absolutely adore your female cc but I LIVE for your male cc!!!

Thank you! lmao the only thing I can take full credit for is the AxA male hairs. I mesh the clothes for packs but ayoshi does the texturing for them.  

Anonymous said: Could you have a go at the updo Dua Lipa has on the cover of her Future Nostalgia? The high bun with a flick in it and the strands of hair down the sides. Thanks if so :)

I’m not the biggest fan of the hairstyle tbh ;n; but we will see. (Physical is a serve, just saying)

Anonymous said: So ive never played pokemon before until my friend gave me a copy of pokemon moon. I love cats so of course my starter was a litten, but i had no clue about evolutions or anything like that. I was heartbroken when my cute litten turned into some big man cat :(

omg noooo ;n; yeah Litten is a cutie... incineroar is... well I got used to him tbh and kind of like him now? I absolutely hate scorbunny’s evolution (and most of the SWSH starters final evolution) so I think that made incineroar slightly better in my eyes. My shiny litten will be staying a kitten however :)

@multifandom-slytherin said: Hello! I love your cc! Would it be possible for you to make the bangs from your Bree Hair a separate accessory that you can put with other hairs (for example the BG low ponytail)? Thank you so much!

Anonymous said: have u considered making or allowing someone to make an acc version of your handmade bangs?

I have thought of doing accessory bangs tbh, I just like... don’t like using accessory bangs myself. So I’m not sure if I’ll end up doing it. I might try it for myself and see how many hairs they work with, and if it is a decent amount I’ll release. 

Anonymous said: First off I want to say how amazing all of your hairs and collabs are! Second I was curious if you ever thought of going back to your old hairs and updating their thumbnails / display indexes so they matched your stuff now?

I really really wanted to have all my 2019 hairs updated by 2020. It was only January 2019-April 2019 that needed updated (thumbnails and display indexes). But I just lost motivation for doing it. I will focus on it next time I have a big break from school. Also planning on updating select stuff from 2018 and 2017. 

Anonymous said: please put Sophia Barker in the gallery. PLEASEEEEE it's the most beautiful sim I EVER seen! >:3 PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!!!

She should be on there? I think? Make sure you have CC enabled and if you can’t find me through the gallery her tray files are here

Anonymous said: Hi! After the recent patch I started having a small issue with Bree hair(without bangs), when I zoom out it looks like a completely different hair, something similar to that one basegame hair that's layered with tips pointed outward but longer. Thought I'd let you know, maybe others have had a similar issue or maybe I need to change a setting or something. Love your work so much!

Really surprised this is the first time someone told me about this lmao. The hair should be updated now on SFS/Patreon <3

Anonymous said: I tried to look around for this on your "Asks" portion before bothering you (so sorry), but do you have a link perhaps for all the lips you use on your models? Are they in game or a cc you create? Thanks so much! Love all of your work! I'm super new to cc stuff and I found yours like 2 days ago and have been going nuts with downloads lol 

like presets? None of my cc models use a lip preset. I do use this slider on some of them though. For lipsticks, that is listed for each model on my resource page <3

Anonymous said: i’ve been looking for a hair like lexi that i actually like forever and now i find it but it’s for paterson peeps and i’m like actually broke and i’m like :/

im sorry ;n; at least it wasn’t too long of a wait? :/ I hope you liked the hair

Anonymous said: I can't find your jisoo ponytails in your downloads?

they’re in my retired section... may they rest in peace. scroll to the bottom of my downloads and youll see ‘RETIRED.’ click that for the retired download page. 

@eclypt-0-sims said: Hi, I recently started making MM hair and I know you're probably an expert at this but; every time I go into CAS to test a hair, all of my accessories clip with the hair. Like the hair texture would cover some glasses if my sim was wearing glasses. I don't know how to fix it, someone told me to delete an eye weight in blender but I don't really understand weight painting that much, any suggestions? love your content btw

this is a late as hell reply i’m sorry. I think that you have texture where the glasses texture would be. Hair texture should only be in hair section or hat section (if you don’t want it hat compatible). Here is a UV map layout that I use for making hair textures. It shouldnt have anything to do with weights

Anonymous said: Do you use reshade when you take previews for your cc? and also is the tropical punch ombre overlay a palette or did you make it?

I do use reshade when I take cc previews. It adds a bit of saturation to my sims and gives them some shadows under their chin/clothes. Nothing major. Also, myself and @imvikai came up with the tropical punch palette together.

@little-eris​ said: You probably have answered this before but who drew your tumblr icon? I’ve seen the same art style with other simmers 👉🏼👈🏼 it’s super cute!

thank you! here is their twitter 

Anonymous said: The male sim in your Tiny Living review looks soo familiar; was there inspiration from anyone IRL? The person he reminds me of isn't even famous so I don't even know! He is very pretty though *-*

He was a gallery sim that I just revamped a bit so I’m honestly not super sure lmao. But he is very attractive yes I agree

that concludes this ask ceremony please collect your things and move to the exit to your left. fvghbjn if you sent something I didn’t answer and it was off anon I’ll get to you soon (person who asked what beards I used for AxA... I see you)

[clownbasedintrigue]

You and I // cryptalore

as part of @apex-legends-champion‘s writing collaboration, for @kamizaki-53,

bangalore/crypto, prompt word ‘singer’, sfw

more under the break

words: 2,713

note: this was meant to be out a lot earlier (think like, three or four months ago) but with everything going to absolute shit where i am, as well as personal happenings, this fell to the wayside. very to the wayside. sorry about that :/

the song used is ‘you and i’ by barns courtney, but i wouldn’t suggest listening to it as you read, the pacing i had in mind for the fic is not the same as the actual song. just keep that in mind. however, it’s a good song so i DO suggest listening to it beforehand.

this might eventually end up on ao3, if i get the chance. if so, i’ll link it. i also scrapped about another 2k words from this because they just didnt fit the way i wanted them to. if i find the energy, i plan to make that into a fic as well.

ft. gratuitous headcanons and dubious hacking

--------------------

“We’re sitting ducks up here, any rookie with a scope could pick us off.” she says, but judging by the way she leans back against the air conditioning unit, she’s not bothered by the idea.

Crypto hums in response, and tucks his legs underneath him. She’s not wrong, the wide expanse of desert does nothing to obscure their spot on the rooftop. As worrying as that would be anywhere else, his drone hovers above them, constantly scanning. If there’s anyone around, the drone will tell them.

Pulling the bag between them into his lap, which they filled with drinks and snacks before escaping to the quiet of the roof, he digs through it, hands closing around two glass bottles. He passes one off to Bangalore, and rests the other beside him as he rifles around for the bottle opener.

They rest out here sometimes. When the noise of social nights or tenseness of a newcomer makes the compound unwelcoming. The flat concrete and the surrounding sand offers peace and quiet, something the building below them often lacks. The quiet is a welcome relief.

Emerging triumphantly with the opener, he goes to pass that, too, to her, only to realize she already has the edge of her utility knife wedged underneath the cap. A bit of leverage, and it flies off with a pop, bouncing further across the rooftop and landing with the din of metal on concrete. They watch it in silence. The weight of the bottle opener-now obsolete-resting solidly in his palm.

Bangalore holds out her hand to him. He blinks, sets the bottle opener down, and softly places his atop her opened one, feeling the way hers have calloused from her work. The impressions left behind by years of artillery work and battle not having faded yet.

She turns to face him with raised eyebrows, “The bottle, TJ.”

Oh. He huffs a breath at her, stomach twisting at the abbreviated use of his real name, nervous butterflies and anxiety alike. It’s not something he hears often. Hasn’t, since Mila happened. He’s not sure how wise using it is, but he can’t say he doesn’t like it.

Before he can pull his hand back, she laces her fingers with his and drags it down to rest between them. His nerves turn to warmth as he gives her the bottle with his other hand, and relishes in the feeling of her palm on his.

What they have is quiet, on the down-low, moments stolen in the corner of the dropship when no one’s watching, or gentle nights like this, sitting away from the rest of the legends.

The clatter of the bottle cap draws his attention back to her, and taking the bottle from it’s spot wedged between her knees, Anita sneaks a swig before handing it to him. With the utility knife safely covered and slipped back into her boot, she leans into his side.

They sip at their drinks underneath the tranquil sky. Double moons, and stars bright enough to light up the area, the night was clear and the breeze was crisp.

Through their silence, the bass of the music in the common room reaches them, though barely. Three stories up, not a lot makes it up here, save for stray sand and the occasional legend looking for a quiet space. But tonight had been movie night, and those rarely stay quiet.

Movie night is a time where a few of them make a snack run at noon to the city, and the others pick a host of movies to watch. When the snack runners get back, usually a few hours later, they all have ‘dinner’, if junk food and sugar can count as dinner, and from ‘dinner’ to midnight, they feast, watch, and argue about the others’ lack of taste in movies. A weekly routine he’s gotten used to. Looks forward to, almost.

Even though neither of them are particularly shy about public affection, they never hesitate to take advantage of movie night, the dark of the room during which allows for the two to lean against each other, hold hands, and sneak quiet kisses without the others noticing.

Tonight, they had sat for the movie, as they usually did, and slipped into the hall before the last movie ended. Things could get loud afterwards. After a quick raid of the kitchen, and grabbing a few things from their room, including blankets, they made for the roof. Which had led to them sitting up here, with only the company of the moons, themselves, and TJ’s drone, perched up high, keeping a watchful eye from the sky.

Lowly, music drifts up from the commons room. it’s muffled by laughter and concrete, but not so much that they cannot hear the vague baritone of the singer.

“They must’ve opened the balcony,” Crypto murmurs in displeasure, resting his head on her shoulder, “The quiet was better,”

“Yeah, I’m with you,” Anita falls silent, leaning her head on top of his and drinking in the melody. She pulls back for a moment, her brows scrunch and her gaze drifts away as she focuses in on the music. He lifts his head, and as he’s about to ask what’s wrong, she speaks, softly.

“I think I know this song.”

Crypto shuts his mouth and strains to listen. He hears the beat, the tune, although the actual words elude him. The notes lead each other in a waltz, music twirling out off the balcony into the desert air, a lullaby, or maybe a love ballad. He doesn’t know where it’s from, and it’s different from his usual taste, but Anita must enjoy it, from the way she sways and nods along to it

She smiles at him and relaxes, taking a drink from her bottle and resting back on the metal, closing her eyes. Her mouth moves with the words of the song, reciting a long-engrained memory.

When the chorus peters out, she is left humming to the bridge. The double moons cast double lights onto her upturned face, silhouetting the slope of her nose, brows, and soft cheeks. The moonlight paints silver on her skin, every ridge and bone reflecting the glimmer of the night sky.

“Sounds like something we used to play at home. Could be wrong, though,” she says, setting the bottle at her side. Crypto sets his aside as well, turning his full attention to her.

”Back on Gridiron, we had this crate of discs,” Bangalore mimes a box with her hands, “Along with this vintage radio. An old hunk of a thing, big as the box itself, and just about as functional. They were our grandma’s, from her grandma, and hers before that. They’ve been in the family forever.”

Looking out over the desert, she continues, “You’d put in one of the discs, and it’d play music. Old stuff. Back from when they still made ‘em. Don’t see them around much anymore. I used to pick them up anytime I saw one, maybe in salvage or a second-hand store, and add it to the box. Then when Thanksgiving came around, or some other family dinner, we’d dig out the box and try out all the new ones. We all had a blast dancing around drunk on moonshine and full of cake.”

She tears her eyes away from the skyline, and turns to him, “I miss it, y’know. Them, mostly, but the little things too. Being able to annoy the hell out of my brothers. Grandma’s red velvet. The tacky oldies music, especially.”

Crypto nods, solemn, and reaches out to cup her cheek, fingertips brushing over her cheekbones. Losing family-it’s a pain he understands well, just not one he can fix. Or would even know how. Anita rests her hand atop his and tips her face against his palm. She knows this, knows their shared pain, knows how he wants to do something about it. Right now, what happened to their families is a wrong that can’t be righted. Though he wishes there was something he could do to ease the weight of it. For both of them.

Ideas strike him like lightning. He jerks up, nearly knocking his drink over, and pulls his hand away, already putting it to use digging through their backpack before Anita can so much as blink.

”Hold on,” Crypto says, and when she reaches out to him, he looks up at her, “Trust me.”

She watches with fond confusion as he pulls out what he was searching for. His laptop, which he flips open and boots up. It takes a minute, fingers tapping on its side in the meantime. As soon as the screen comes to life, he sets about finding the artist. He can, at the least, do this much.

Pulling up code, he types a bit, scrolls through the numbers some, and slips into the compound’s encrypted network like it’s butter and his weapon of choice is a hot knife. From there, it’s a matter of getting past the password-locked music app, and pulling up the corresponding artist’s page, which he slides over to her when he’s done.

“There, not hard to do,” he leans back into Anita as she adjusts the laptop to rest in her lap, “You said you recognized the music. Is that them?”

The real-time display totes the current song in the bottom corner, while a dark page lists the artist at the top, along with their songs below. Words scroll past as Anita takes control of the touchpad and flicks down the list. Eyebrows drawn together in focus, she scans page.

With a hum, and without taking her eyes off the screen, she says to Crypto, “The problem’s not that I don’t remember the songs, it’s that I don’t remember the titles. There’s a few that use the choruses as titles, I think. I’ll look for those.”

When she doesn’t seem to remember any right away, he presses a kiss to her cheek, and settles down onto her shoulder, content to stay snuggled into her side for the time being.

They stay like that for a while, nothing but the click of the keyboard and quiet music as one song ends and another begins. It’s peaceful, and if they weren’t out in the open like this, he’d have fallen asleep where he was.

Eventually, the arm underneath him jostles upward, and her warm voice calls him.

“TJ,” he lifts his head to see Anita gazing gently at him, “I found one.” He rubs his eyes and shifts upward off his place against her shoulder as she hits play.

The current song cuts off abruptly, causing a chorus of objections and confused cries to erupt from below. After a moment, the meandering music fades in and drifts above the stray noise, leaving them with only each other. Anita hums along, and Tae Joon feels his heart thrum.

“Used to dance to this one with my mom. It’s her favorite,” she pulls herself to her feet and holds out her hand to him, “C’mon. Can’t not dance to it.”

Crypto hesitates, arm half-risen at his side. He doesn’t dance. He doesn’t know how to, at least not the way she wants to. The closest he’s ever gotten to dancing is with Mila, bouncing around their shared room at a young age, or trying to learn choreographies with her, and badly, as Mystik watched from the doorway. But that was a long time ago, and they were young. This is different.

He’s about to say no, that he’d only make a fool out of himself, when she kneels down and takes his hands in hers.

She doesn’t pull him up, instead she brings them to her lips, humming still. Ever so lightly, she brushes the back of his hand with a kiss, and his stomach flips. Distantly, he realizes there’s someone singing, in the song, though it’s too quiet to make out the words. More presently, he realizes Anita is singing along, lowly, quietly, against his skin.

“Suitcase in your hand,” it comes out warmly, and his words catch in his throat as he feels her lips move, “Wave goodbye to mom and dad.”

That’s ironic, he’s pretty sure.

She turns it over, and presses a tender kiss to his palm, “Never thought I would see the back of you.”

Her voice is his favorite sound in the world, he decides. In a more poetic moment, he’d describe it as sugar and amber, like the sweet syrup she puts too much of on her pancakes, or the rising sun drifting through their window in the morning. For now, it takes his breath away and leaves his heart hammering.

She rises, and pulls him up. This time, he goes with her. He doesn’t need any more convincing.

“Mixtape’s wearing down,” she pulls him close and he takes a moment to reflect on how perfectly their hands fit together, “Crystal ships are sailing out.”

They’re close enough that he can feel her breath on his face when she sings, “Now the doors are opening for you.”

When she takes a step back away from their seat, and towards the flat expanse of the rest of the roof, he follows without question.

Hand in hand, she leads him out as she sings, “I wanna swim, swim out into the dark night,” each footstep in sync with the song.

“I wanna melt you down into the stars,” they take slow, deliberate steps. It’s in time with the steady flow of the music, low notes like a heartbeat.

“I wanna crumble, tumble, like a landslide.” as they reach the wide, open portion of the roof, she stops. One hand slips free of his, and finds its way to rest on his neck, fingers brushing over the shaved stubble of his undercut

She rests their foreheads together, and sings, “I wanna live, die, wherever you are.”

Crypto thrills at the touch, as he always does, and untangles his other hand to rest it tentatively at her waist. Yet again, he wonders how he got so lucky.

She dips down and brushes the corner of his mouth with a ghost of a kiss, “Just you and I.”

As the singer echoes the ending of the phrase, she presses her lips to his in a firm kiss that he doesn’t hesitate to return. With each ‘you and i’ that the song brings, she kisses him again. Peppers him with affection as they sway to the tune. A kiss to the cheek, the corner of his mouth, his nose, his lips again.

“Just you and I,” she hums against him before she pulls back, “Just you and I.”

Her thumb sweeps over his cheek as she cups his chin, her enamored gaze never leaving his. They sway in place to the music, and as the singing fades out, she hums to the tune.

In a way, he still can’t believe that he’s with her. He doesn’t know how a man like him ends up with someone like her.

She starts to sing again, voice sweet as honey, “Lovesick melody, carry my words across the sea.”

She looks at him like he’s the stars, eyes full of admiration and awe.

“Tell her I miss her,” her thumb drifts over his lips, “Tell her I’m torn in two.”

In the pit of his stomach, he has a feeling this is where he’s supposed to be.

“Salt burns in my eyes, none of these streets feel right tonight.”

Because being with her? It’s a tether in a storm, a lull in the chaos. It’s home.

“I’ll be your wild man, you’ll be my baby blue,” and when she kisses him again, he can feel her smile.

He loves it when she smiles, so he pulls her back in, and kisses her. Again, and again, and again, and he doesn’t stop. Not even as the song slips into the chorus again. The laugh she makes as he digs his fingers into her coat to keep her close, it’s enchanting, and he thinks, briefly, that hearing it again is worth any price.

He thinks that he’d do just about anything for her, anything to keep that smile on her face, anything to hear her sing again. Anything to remain by her side.

And then he stops thinking, because he’s back to kissing her, and that is far more important.

[ethereal-lix]

Cheering up your boyfriend when he’s had a rough day

A/N: this wasnt requested but i saw this on a prompt list and got a little inspiration and decided to write it. and this wasnt proof read so if there are any mistakes im sorry

Prompt:  Cheering up your boyfriend when he’s had a rough day i may or may not have slightly changed the prompt. once i started i couldnt stop so it might not be 100% the prompt, but its the thought that counts (right?? i hope so) lol 

You were laying down on the couch scrolling through some tweets with Netflix playing in the background when you heard the door knob jiggle indicating that your boyfriend was home. You looked up so you can greet Chan but once you saw the look on his face, you knew that his day didnt go as good as he had hoped or wanted.  “Difficulties during filming or the photo shoot?” you question. Chan just looks at you for a moment before taking a deep breath, “Both.” he stated as he dropped his keys on the counter top. You purse your lips as you exhale. “I’m sorry to hear that love.” You get up and walk to him giving him a small smile as you grab his hand dragging him to the couch. “Babe, you know that i love you and your cuddles, but im not in the mood.” Chan said, as he sighed. “Normally i would be hurt by that comment but today im going to let it slide. Just sit down and i’ll be right back.” You placed a chase kiss to his lips before walking away. Chan just laid back into the couch waiting for you to come back.

You returned a few minutes later with your make up bag. Chan gave you an inquisitive look. “You do know that i already have make up on right? And usually when you get home your...” “Hush handsome, i know what im doing.” You say as you rummage through your make up bag looking for your make up remover wipes. Smiling once you find them you sit on his lap with your legs on either side of his. “Just relax love, i got you.” You grab a small wet towelette and move his hair back out of his eyes and started to gently wipe his make up off. “You know you look sexy with your hair pulled back like this.” You teased. After all the make up was gone you kissed his forehead and folded the towelette and moved down to his right cheek repeating all the steps and kissing his cheek before grabbing another towelette and moving to the left cheek to remove the make up form that side and kissing his cheek once again. When you were done with his left cheek, you placed another gentle kiss there and started to wipe his eye shadow/liner off and kissing each eye before throwing the dirty towel off to the side, and grabbing one more to wipe the light pink colour that stained his lips off. 

You smiled to yourself as your boyfriend let out a deep sigh in content. After the lip wear is gone you place a soft gentle kiss to his lips. “Im almost done.” You whisper against his lips. He just hums in response. After you throw the final make up wipe off to the side you grab your moisturizer and squeeze a little in your hands and start to spread it across his face rubbing it in. “After im done with you, your face is going to be as soft as a baby butt.” “How do you know what a baby's butt feels like?” You laugh before replying. “I’ve had my fair share of babysitting and giving some baths to small babies.” As you finish rubbing the rest of the moisturizer into his skin you squish his cheeks, making him pucker his plumps lips. “All done, now can i get an actual kiss?��� “Of course babygirl” his response is muffled by the way your holding his face. 

You smile in content before you move to get off. “Waittt, dont go. Not yet.” “I have to clean up my little mess.” “Just put everything on the coffee table and get it later. i wanna cuddle with you right now.” “OH!” You exclaim, “Now you wanna cuddle?!” Chan opens one eye and looks at you before smirking. “of course i wanna cuddle. I always wanna cuddle.” You scoff, “thats not what you said earlier.” “Hey, i cant be held responsible for what i said when i wasnt in a good mood.” You smile and move everything to the coffee table so you can pull Chan down and cuddle him. 

[tinselkj]

A night in your arms, forever in my heart

Who: KJ Apa & Andy Biersack Where: KJ’s House When: September 3rd Notes: Andy comes over to talk about all the drama KJ has been in, only to talk about feelings. Mentions of Lili, Ro, Michael @hwfameandy

KJ: Reading over the text messages again, KJ was glad he had a friend like Andy when all things came down to it. He knew he was the one person who wouldnt judge him, or his inability to choose what he really wanted. Did he love his ex still? Of course he did. He was ready to ask her to marry him before the breakup, but he had to be realistic. Six months had passed without any contact besides the occasional hello when the situation was required. Now with Ronen and his pressuring to come out and just be with him..to make a choice. It was draining for the now redhead. Unsure of how much time actually went by, KJ heard the knock on his door causing Keo to start barking. "Oh stop it..its just Andy." The man stated, silencing the dog as he laid back down on his dog bed a few moments later. "Hey." KJ smiled once the door was open, moving aside to let his friend enter his home.

Andy:  Truthfully, Andy hates know KJ was going through a difficult situation like this. He knew what it was like, there was a reason that not many people knew about his previous relationship, the two of them did a pretty good job at keeping it a secret so it was safe to say that Andy knew how he felt in so many way and he just wanted to be there for him. He knew that having a shoulder can make all the difference in the world. He made sure he had his dog with him, the small Yorke cuddled in his arm as he made his way up to the others front door. Andy smiled when KJ opened the door. Daredevil starting to bark slightly when he heard his voice. Andy handed him the small dog as he walked into the house. “Sometimes I hate that he’s blind.” He laughed as he instantly made a b line to Kao, leaning down to pet him slightly. “Hi buddy!” He smiled and patted his head before standing up to face KJ. “You look like shit, man.”

KJ:  As the small dog started barking, the smile on KJs face grew wider, pulling the small dog close to his chest. "Well hello there little one." He spoke, scratching behind his ears as he followed Andy into his house-making sure to lock the door behind him. "Aww dont listen to him, little man. You're just lucky you dont have to see your owner's weird face." If there was one thing he liked about his friendship with Andy, it was the fact that they could insult each other all day long, and still know the other will always have his back. No matter the circumstances. "You would too if you had to deal with a grown man acting like a child. I know leading him on wasnt ok, but holy hell did he cause nothing but stress the past few nights."

Andy:  “My face is weird but at least my hair isn’t fake.” Laughed as he pulled his jacket off and tossed it on the back of the couch, his tattooed arms now fully exposed. He ruffled his own hair as he moved to take a seat. “You don’t need someone like that, K. If he’s gonna be a man than he needs to act like one and not get fuckin butt hurt when you lay out your situation.” He spoke as he looked to the other. “Come on, sit, tell me everything.” He added as he reached out to lightly tug on his arm. No matter what happened in his life, KJ was always the most important person in it, and he needed him more than the redhead would ever really understand.

KJ:   "Hey! Mine isnt by choice! Honestly I'm so scared I'll end up bald by the time I'm 40, and I really dont think I can pull that look off." Having to dye his hair three times a week, kj knew it was only a matter of time before his hair started to fall out from all of the chemicals. Once he was finished with Riverdale, he was never going to dye it red again. Watching as he took his jacket off, the man couldnt help but admire his ink, wishing he could get more himself. "I know I'm overreacting a bit right now about the situation since I had just as much involvement in this..but it really irritates me that he couldnt see how uncomfortable I was. If you want me to choose you..how am I supposed to when you cant even pick up on when I'm uncomfortable?" Sitting down next to him, KJ opted to lay his head in his friends lap, wanting someone to run their fingers through his hair as he spoke. "And if the first guy I've really slept with is willing to put that sort of ultimatum up..choosing him or lil..then do I even want to explore that side?" KJ was beyond annoyed at this point and his animated gestures emphasized that.

Andy:  “No, you’ll have hair for a very long time. Just gotta take care of it when you’re done with the show.” He was laughing softly through the words. He didn’t mind the actors original hair color, but there was something about the red that he really enjoyed seeing. When he laid his head on his lap, Andy moved to run fingers though KJs hair, slowly twirling strands around his finger as he looked down at him. “If you think you can have something with that side, don’t let one person ruin the whole thing for you.” He kept his town softly and relaxed. He could tell his friend was annoyed. “I promise you, we’re not all like him. Like I said to you, you need someone that’s going to understand where you’re coming from. No one should make you choose between them and Lili, not until they helped you truly discover who you are and what you want.”

KJ:  "Man I really hope so. It's not terribly damaged, but you can tell it's not as healthy as it should be." After the years of bleaching, the roots are a tad bit dry and no matter what I do to my hair, it hasnt fully gone away." Closing his eyes as Andy began to play with his hair, Keneti couldnt stop the small laugh that escaped his mouth at the thought of what he needed. "So basically what you're saying is I need you." He meant it as a joke, but the words held some volume to them. Andy had always been supportive, and if he wanted to explore this side of himself, he would want it to be with someone like Andy.

Andy:  “We can fix that, I fried my hair a long time ago, took a bit but I was able to get it fixed. Now I don’t mind it at all. And to be honest, I really love your hair.” He smiled softly when he saw KJ starting to close his eyes. He coughed a bit in surprise when he heard the words pass the other lips. He chuckled a bit of a nervous chuckle as he used his free hand to run his fingers through his own hair. “I- well.. I certainly wouldn’t be against it.” He whispered and his fingers were back in the others hairs, slowly sliding fingers through as many strands as he could.

KJ:  "I would greatly appreciate that." He smiled as he opened his eyes for a moment to look at the man. "You love it? Really? Well I suppose I can trust you seeing as you have really amazing style in general." Hearing how his statement caught him off guard, KJ laughed wholeheartedly "what happened to you not wearing your emotions on your sleeve? Because that's what you'd be doing. I'm such a hopeless romantic, that if anything happened between us, I would want that. I would need someone to pour my love into, and you've said you're not about that." If anything he was just messing around with him, but he did make a valid point.

Andy:  Andy nodded his eyes slowly, blue eyes locking on brown ones that looked back at him. “I do. I think you have very beautiful hair.” He smiled through his response. Those words that followed caused Andy to move slowly, sitting up just a bit more in his seat but made sure to keep the actors head in his lap. “Well.. you’re someone i trust, someone that’s never screwed me over. Wearing my emotions on my sleeve seems to be natural when it comes to you.” He shook his head when he spoke. He really wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing here, but he was going to run with it and see which way his own emotions took him, even if it meant he had that underlying fear of getting attached and coming out the loser. “You’re easy to talk to, your sense of humor keeps me going. I’d do it for you.”

KJ:  He was starting to cross a line that he didnt want to cross. Not with Andy. As the words I'd do it for you passed through his lips, KJ pulled away, turning towards his best friend as he tugged on his short locks. "I cant do this. I cant risk what happened with Ronen, happening with you. I know you would never pressure me to come out, and I know you wouldnt hold my past against me, but I cant ruin our friendship. You're the one person in my life that I can tell anything to. You're the one person I genuinely love, and I'm not going to let my confusion ruin anything between us. Not when you've been hurt as much as I have. I refuse to be just another person in a long list of people who let you down. You're different to me..you're special and I cant ruin that..I wont ruin that." He wasnt sure when he had taken Andy's hands into his own, but he finally noticed as his thumbs lazily stroked the back of his hands.

Andy:  Andy kept his eyes on KJ, it was like he couldn’t look away from him no matter how hard he tried. When he hand was taken, his heart was racing in his chest. He laced his fingers with his and squeezed his hand tightly. “This is Ronen? The guy you’re talking about is Ronen? That pissed me off a little because he was texting me earlier and coming onto me hardcore.” He spoke softly as he used his free hand to pull his phone from his pocket to show KJ the messages. “Keneti, listen to me. I’m not going to let anything come between us.. and if that means that I have to swallow my feelings for you then I will, because we both know I’m kinda crazy about you. But I won’t force you into anything. You’re the only one I trust not to hurt me again. I haven’t even told you about my last relationship because I don’t want you to see me weak, because I want to be the person you need me to be.”

KJ:  Looking at the man in pure confusion as he handed him his phone, KJ scrolled through the messages between the pair, growing more and more irritated by the moment. "I'm glad you showed me this. I cant believe how stupid I was to believe that he might wait around until I figured my shit out." Handing his phone back once he reached the end of the conversation, kj nodded his head, letting him know he was in fact listening to his every word. "You were my first crush when I realized I might like guys as well as girls. So that was a wild ride to try and figure out on my own because I couldn't really come to you and say 'hey..I have this massive crush on you, and I'm not sure what this means.' Andy..this is a two way street. You cant expect me to tell you everything when you wont tell me when something happens to you. Maybe I want to be there for you as well?"

Andy:  “Ronen is a player, and I would hate to see him hurt you.” He spoke as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket. There was a lot that Andy was going through and he was the kind of person that would help others with their issues before he would let anyone help him out. “I wish you would have come to me, I would have helped you figure it all out.” His tone was softly as he spoke. One hand holding onto his while the other made its way back into red locks. “I used to date Michael Clifford, he ghosted me for thirteen months, got himself a girlfriend, and had the audacity to tell me that he missed me.” He spoke out as he leaned his head back against the couch. This was the first time he was ever truly opening up about the other and it caused a small chuckle to pass his lips. “I even got into a fight with his girlfriend because apparently the way I treated him was not deserved, when all I did was tell him how bad he fucked me up.”

KJ:  "Yeah well, I dont see anything happening now that I saw that. I'm trying to work my feelings and emotions out, and if he cant wait just a few days while I get my feelings in order, then hes really not worth my time." It hurt knowing he so quickly went onto the next guy who showed him just a little attention, and yet still had the audacity to say he had a date planned. He was trying not to play with anyone's emotions, and he wasn't about to let someone do just that to him. Listening to what had happened with his ex, kj saw red. Anger slowly bubbling in the pit of his stomach as it sank in on what he did to Andy. "Fuck him. You deserve so much better and hes lucky I'm not going over there with a fucking baseball bat for hurting you like that." He knew he was over reacting, but he hated the idea of anyone hurting his best friend. "Its not your fault that he cant keep it in his pants and be a decent human being and tell you it's not going to work. I'm sorry Andy..." he wanted to protect him from anymore heartache, but he wasn't sure what else he could do.

Andy:  "Anyone who plays with your emotions doesn't deserve you, like I said to you earlier, you deserve to be treated like a king." Andy couldn't help but laugh at the way KJ acted and it was a genuine laugh, one that he hadn't let out in a long time. "Calm down there firecracker." He smirked as he moved slowly to lay down on the couch with the other, placing his body just behind the actors. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close to his chest. "I'm not thinking about him right now, and I don't want to think about him." His hand lifted for fingers to lightly run along the hair at the back of KJ's neck.

KJ:  Forcing himself to calm down as he moved Into a spooning position, KJ sighed in contentment as his back pressed against his strong chest. "Alright fine. But if he hurts you again, you're not going to be able to stop me." He wasn't sure how long they stayed there, or when he fell asleep in his best friends arms, but for once in a very long time, Keneti felt safe. He felt like he didn't have to prove anything or choose who he had to be..he could just be himself.

[shametheshadow]

It's been a while. A lot of shit's been going on since I was last kinda active. Sorry, I dont remember how to hide this under a read more line... feel free to scroll past if you arent in the mood for existential whinging. I got a new job and it's pleasant. The people are nice. It's still food, but it's at a fancy restaurant where the management actually cares and tries to keep their crew happy. The hours could be better and I'm currently sick of salads with how many I've made. They give hours based on reliability and if you're a hard worker who is nice to work with. But like... everybody is nice and hard working so it's hard to just muscle in sometimes. But on the positive side I've dropped ten pounds, probably thanks to how light my wallet is. Had an issue with my little brother. Well, there's been an unspoken issue for years that I've been trying to just give him space on, but it finally came to a head. I called him out and he said some pretty hurtful things. I saw him on Christmas, but it wasnt the same. I think it kind of damaged something between us, or at the very least it certainly has me. I think, as people, we build these pillars of absolute truths into our identities. The things we know without a doubt, that we can rely on to stay true even when things are bad. Like, that the sky is blue or that a parent we have will always love us. When those truths are shaken they really make you wonder what else could be wrong or if there was ever any truth in it to begin with. For me, no matter how bad I felt or hated myself, I knew I could be a good sister. I'd throw myself down for it. I have done so, unfortunately, many times before. We all see the world a little differently, so my truth may not be the truth someone else sees. I dont know whether that makes it any better, but I certainly feel unsure about more things now than I used to. Some days I even feel like giving up on our relationship. I'm just too tired, too worn down, and I don't think I can handle being called a failure again. Which sucks, because I dont really want to. I just want to know how to fix it, even though I'm not sure I have any more energy to try again if it's just going to lead to another failure. And on top of all of that my bio dad and all those siblings are tasting the bitter consequences of their actions. My youngest sister got taken away from her parents because instead of breaking up and being adults about it they have to be petty and cowardly. One has unchecked anger issues mixed with plenty of excuses and the other thinks she's owed some sort of respect despite her immature actions. Thing is, I've had plenty of talks with my bio dad about the effects their toxic relationship have on his 6 year old daughter. He knows. He isnt stupid or blind. He'd just rather keep it going despite everyone's unhappiness and dig a deeper hole so he doesn't have to risk losing custody of his daughter if they break up. And here we are now. With his daughter taken away and given to our 21 year old sister who doesn't have a clue. And they've failed to regain custody once already. And you know the fucking hilariously tragic part of it? Me and my sister Des are the only two without some sort of record so nobody else in the family can help. Just a fucking warning for any teens out there who think being a gangster is cool, life always has consequence. Doing drugs, selling pills, pimping, stealing cars, assault, having unregistered weapons... my family has probably done just about anything. Apparently my bio dad's stepfather even threatened to shoot my grandma once. There's an argument to made about the environment they all grew up in, but I really wish people would just have the self awareness to realize that things will always find a way to bite you in the ass and it's it big enough then it'll get the people around you too. I normally get my sister on weekends, but I need to work Saturdays as a requirement for my employment. I try to cut it short so I can be there when they drop her off, but half the time they dont and send her somewhere she isnt supposed to go. I'm risking my job trying to be there when I'm needed, just for them to change their mind at the last second because I wasnt home soon enough. They'd rather risk losing our sister to the system by breaking the rules. CPS doesn't play around. I've had to tell them two or three times that I couldn't take our sister because I was sick or dealing with some really stressful family stuff that Koral didnt need to be there to see. Every time I feel like the punishment is that they stop letting me see her by not bringing her over anymore. Then out of the blue they call on a weekday and ask if I can take her because she has a day off or something. I have never once said no but every time it sends me into an anxiety attack because I can't handle being kept in the dark until they need me. It's got me so worked up that sometimes I genuinely wish I had never been told my dad wasnt my real dad. Of course, I know that by knowing I can help a little girl who needs help, but I wont lie and say that I never wished I didn't have time deal with any of it. I got the news today that my bio dad is in trouble for something else, though they wouldn't say what. So they arent going to give him custody until that's settled at the very least. Shortly into it my sister had asked me to take over the guardianship. I was so out of the loop that I thought the question was absurd. I thought they'd pull it together and get her back in a short time, so what would the point of moving her to another town and school be? How would I go about that? What would the home requirements be? Would I be able to provide for the both of us? I wouldn't be able to leave work until 4 at the earliest shift, so would after school stuff be best or daycare? There's so much that goes into taking care of a kid to just spring that question onto someone. Now it's been four or five months and I'm hating the idea that she's stuck there in the middle of it all more and more. People keep telling me I should take her. Even my manager after I broke down and told him everything after my sister's call left me a mess at work, said that I would be the better option. I know what it's like to be fought over in custody battles and I understand way too well the fear of being taken away from your home as well as what it's like to change schools. I dont want that for Koral. I dont even know if I would be the better option. I talked to my cousin, whom I live with, about it for a while last night and she said she wouldn't be opposed to having Koral with us... but I feel bad making this her issue too. I want what is best for my sister. She's way too smart. You know when unqualified pet owners get a dog breed that is really smart and they struggle to meet the needs to keep it entertained so it just makes trouble? That is what my sister is like. My family has their strengths, but Koral is 6 and could run circles both physically and mentally around them. It might be "funny" now, but Lansing itself is a shitty influence on people and by the time she's a teenager and wants to go to a party, nothing is going to keep her from getting out short of bars on the windows and doors. The only thing stopping her from doing it now is motive. But would I do any better? I genuinely dont know. I wish I could talk to my brother about it. He knows where I come from and, even if he thinks I failed, he could at least tell me how to be better so I dont fuck up again for a little girl who is in a situation similar to one we were in. I asked Des today if she wanted to talk to their case worker about transfering guardianship. She said she's have to talk to her dad... which is bullshit. He lost the right to dictate where Koral goes when he fucked up. How is he supposed to be motivated to fix this if the only thing that has changed is that she doesn't sleep in her bedroom anymore? He shouldn't see her when he wants to or be able to say what happens to her. And I dont say that because I think he shouldn't ever be able to, because I want him to step it up, I just feel like he wont if things keep going as they are. I dont want to lose my sister to the system. Supposedly the social worker said that Koral also has to stay in the same school and can't see anyone not on the already approved list of people for the sake of consistency... but that's stupid. I know that changing schools can be traumatizing, and if Lansing was a good place to live and raise a kid, then maybe I'd try to make that work, but it isnt. So it makes me wonder that if I came to the table with a clearly stable, appealing plan would they change their minds? If it were my choice, I'd have her in therapy to help deal with everything, maybe a sport like gymnastics or whatever else she might be interested in to keep her engaged. I'm planning a kids d&d session for her and another kiddo that she plays with when she's here because last time she found my monster manual and got obsessed. And I know it wont be all good. She's a handful and a brat, and she can be a force of nature when she doesn't get her way, but I've been an older sister since I was five and my family didnt out up with bratty behavior. I know how to deal with it, and I also know how to use the internet and other resources to learn. Hell, I live with a child therapist/youth minister. I know I could do it. Even if it ended up being a permanent thing. I'm torn between the fear of not being enough at the expense of my sister's wellbeing and knowing that I'd gladly twist myself into a pretzel to try and do right. But when it comes to other people, especially a kid, is trying enough? Good intentions don't equal a quality of living. So yeah, that's where I am right now. Trying to be better and figure out who I am while also being incredibly stressed out and lost. If you read through this, thank you for listening to this TED talk. I'm open to advice.

[livingasaghost]

alright folks. settle in. this is the story of how i met taylor swift after waiting 10 years. whew.

i don’t honestly know how to start this bc i never thought i’d make this text post. 

so it all started on tuesday night. i was reading and scrolling my phone as one does, and then i get a text from hailee aka @ootwoodsyet aka my twin.

taylornation sent her a dm and both of us FREAKED OUT. we were cautiously optimistic but i think both of us were like OKAY THIS IS IT! THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! EVERYONE STAY CALM IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING! so anyway, obviously hailee is the best person in the universe and replied putting my name in as her plus one and then we just texted each other non-stop for like two hours straight. tn replied to her email and asked for our social media handles, my full name, and our birthdays. we could hardly sleep that night, so when we woke up early the next morning we texted each other still freaking out. finally TN emailed back and was like OKAY YOU TWO ARE ON THE GUEST LIST! HAILEE LITERALLY FACETIMED ME FROM HER CAR AND WE BOTH LOST IT. at that point we immediately started making plans bc the next day thursday was the event in chicago. we had no idea when or where it was happening, but we knew we were going to be there. so we started prepping. i had to cancel on a client photoshoot (oops...but i’m not sorry) and uh hailee may or may not have had food poisoning that morning......so i went to platos closet and bought a new dress (velvet, blue, and PERFECT) and then i packed up a bag bc i was gonna go straight from my parents’ house to louisville on saturday for the rep show (wtf). neither of us slept very well wednesday night, and then AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE WEIRDEST BEST DAY OF LIVES.

thursday june 28, 2018 --

i woke up at 7:15 and drove like 8 hours north from nashville to chicago. there was actually a decent amount of traffic that day but at one point i had to take a detour because there was a crash on i65. so on this random detour in southern indiana, a little ways outside of louisville, i was blasting better than revenge and i look to my left and I SAW TAYLORS FACE ON A TRUCK AND I SCREAMED BECAUSE THE REP TOUR BUSES WERE JUST SITTING IN THIS RANDOM LOT

I THOUGHT IT HAD TO BE A SIGN AND UH I GUESS I WAS RIGHT???? i also passed a place called “swifty farms” (what) and of course i drove through taylorsville so um needless to say....it was all meant to be

i eventually made it to chicago at 5:30pm and i picked up hailee from the train station. we flipped bc we literally did this exact same thing less than a month about for the 2nd chicago show and HERE WE WERE AGAIN FOR THE SAME WOMAN soooo we made our way to the first location that TN said to meet at by 7pm. we pulled up at like 6:15 and the parking lot was full but they already had a line of people. after finding a nearby garage to park in, we literally RAN across the way to get in line (it was like 10 minutes and we were so sweaty wow) and then we were in line and we had to go through two different security sections - each one asked for our names and ids. then at the second checkpoint they gave us wristbands based on our ages (i’m over 21) and eventually we went off to give them our phones and bags and stuff. then we were directed onto a greyhound bus and when we got on we legitimately became the most obnoxious people i’ve ever known in my entire life.

when we got on they were playing reputation (duh) and RFI was on so we literally listened through the album one whole time and it was WILD. we didn’t have our phones so we were just freaking out about twitter. we spent the whole time singing along and being totally in awe. the whole bus did 123 LETS GO BITCH during delicate, and thennn during getaway car when she goes SAID GOODBYE IN A GETAWAY CAR the bus MOVED AND WE LEFT TO GO TO THE SECONDARY LOCATION (john mulaney???)

so we drove until new years day came on and then we pulled into this random alley. before we could get up, this CAMERA crew showed up and went to the back of the bus to film us. they told us to be excited so we WERE?? and then we got off and went inside this random venue. hailee and i gripped each other’s hands so hard and then we went down this tunnel with mirrors & screens & then i almost broke down into tears bc it was all so overwhelming. they had so many professional photographers asking to take our photos and then the taylor people were handing out raffle tickets telling us to do stuff. it was like this weird underground area that had these gorgeous industrial bathrooms (with so many toiletries like oil sheets & dry shampoo & tampons & gum & hair ties) and there were arcade games and an led dance floor that lit up with hearts where you stood and there was a skee ball thing where we STOOD ON IT AND GOT OUR PHOTO TAKEN and they had claw machines with merch inside and these HUGE photobooth backdrops (BIG REPUTATION + taylors face + a huge snake) and basically you had to do stuff to get tickets and then you could use the tickets to get free merch! we didnt catch on quick enough though so we didn’t get anything more exciting than a water bottle & a tote (which were still so cool)

so anyway, we did some stuff, got a BIG REPUTATION non-alcoholic drink that was like soda water + blackberry syrup + a lime and it was just okay haha and as we went over to try and get our free merch we heard a THATS TAYLOR SWIFT scream from across the room and basically RAN to see what was happening. and that’s when this wall opened up and uh WE WALKED INTO A CONCERT VENUE AND LOST ALL CHILL

IT WAS SUCH A SMALL VENUE HAILEE AND I WERE IN THE BACK ROW BUT LITERALLY WE SPENT 10 MINUTES HYPERVENTILATING AND SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER!!! there were cameras everywhere, and it was so industrial but there was PIANO + THE SPARKLY GUITAR + THE KOI GUITAR?????? AND HER BLACK GUITAR WITH THE STARS ON THE FRETS!! so we hung out for a while in taylor limbo and felt like we were gonna combust and then AND THEN THE NIGHT KICKED INTO HIGH GEAR AND I SWEAR HAILEE AND I BOTH JUST BLACKED OUT 

THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AND TAYLOR JUST FREAKING WALKED OUT ON STAGE AND I ALMOST BURST INTO TEARS SHE WASN’T REAL BUT SHE WAS RIGHT THERE AND I WANTED TO EXPLODE anyway she wore a green jumpsuit with a huge belt and some cute high heeled booties and uh she was her usual cute self being like HI GUYS WHATS UP there were like 200 people there and i couldn’t get over that!!! this was her smallest show in like 10 years???? AND I WAS THERE??? uh but yeah so she did 6 songs - gorgeous + delicate on guitar, all too well + new years day on piano, and shake it off on guitar. here are some highlights from that set...

the whole crowd did *DING* during gorgeous and 123 LET’S GO BITCH during delicate

taylor said that they were trying to decide if they needed backing vocalists and she decided not to and it turned out they didnt need them because we sung literally ALL the backing parts - like the high pitched “delicate” - we did that

she didnt even finish the last delicate bc we sang it so loud and she just laughed

she was so so SOOOOO comfortable with us like i have never seen her so candid and chill and relaxed?? like she was smiling and giggling and she made mistakes and didn’t even care and it was so CUTE I CANT STAND IT

at the piano she was like “oooh sorry i didnt get to sound check hang on lemme figure this out”

when she sat at the piano she was like “wow my hair’s so long” and how she thought about cutting it for these upcoming florida shows since it’s so hot and then the crowd was like OMG CUT IT or OMG DONT CUT IT and our section was like CUT ITTTT and she looked directly at us and was like mmmmm “you guys dont want it....” and wow i think she looked at me then wowowow

she explained that for all too well it was such an emotional song and she used to hate playing it bc it made her so sad but bc we love it so much now she loves playing it bc it makes her think of us and she was freaking SMILING DURING THIS WHOLE PERFORMANCE!! like the last time i saw her perform it live in my presence was 5 years ago at the red tour in chicago and she was crying but during this time she was LAUGHING AND SMILING

someone sang all to welllllll really terribly and off key and the whole audience fell silent and taylor just looked at that person and laughed and we all lost it

then she talked about writing reputation and how it was so cathartic for her and like she came up with the “there will be no explanation there will just be reputation” rhyme and it was so cool that now she has to stick to it and not give interviews so she was excited to explain to us more about the album

AND THEN she told this story about how 2 new years ago she was celebrating and just like realizing that everyone just wants to kiss someone at midnight but you really need someone to look after you while you’re popping advils the next day 

she played new years day and we were all so emo wow

so then she gets up to get her guitar and we’re all like PLAY THE SPARKLY GUITAR!!!! and she looked so dismayed she was like “guys it’s just a prop it isn’t tuned” and we were so sad we were like TUNE IT!!! and she’s like NO I CANT

so thennnn she’s like “okay so i have one more song” and we were all like “PLAY MORE PLAY MORE” and she said “well, i could play you three more songs ORRRR we could take pictures...” and wow everyone died it was wild 

she played shake it off acoustic and im not okay

then she explained what was gonna happen next and she was like FIRST OF ALL i cant really talk to you since i’m touring i need to save my voice and i’m not supposed to talk and second, we’re doing it in groups of four so make friends bc you’ll get photos in groups of four! 

then as she finished she was like “uh i guess i’ll just go back here? no one really told me what was happening or what to do so...ILL SEE YOU SOON!!!”

as we walked out i saw a girl hugging her friend and crying. relatable. so hailee and i waited for our blue color to be called and went to claim our free merch. after we freshened up, we were waiting and this girl offered us poptarts and we both looked at each other and were like “omg poptarts” soooo then we got at the end of the line for the M&G. we were freaking out and we didn’t know what we’re gonna say and it was so surreal. like, we were gonna meet taylor swift. TAYLOR SWIFT! FUCK

so we’re waiting. and then these staff people come over and ask how many we have in our party (we say 2) and immediately they’re like...i think we have 2 openings over here hang on. so they deliberate, and then we’re being motioned to the FRONT OF THE LINE and we skip like 50 people and OUR HEARTBEATS TOOK OFF! WE WERE NOT ALL THERE! WE EXPLODED! WE WERE SO UNPREPARED TO JUMP THAT LINE BUT WOW WE WERE REALLY OUT THERE GETTING READY TO MEET TAYLOR.

we then were ushered upstairs and they lead us over a little bridge that was above the concert venue. eventually we made it past another security checkpoint and got to this fabric walled hallway where we glimpsed MAMA SWIFT and we almost lost it.

as we approached the very front of the line, TREE PAINE SHOWED UP and was just so sweet and nice and bubbly and we immediately decided to stan her. she was like “wow this is such a beautiful group of people you all look fantastic!” and we were like WOW ITS TREE PAINE and so then THEN ANDREA CAME BACK OUT AND WAS LIKE HELLO WOW YOU ALL LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and i shook her hand and told her it was honor to meet her and she was so so happy

(this whole time dont blame me and delicate was playing in the background)

((at one point tree was trying to figure out what was playing and i was like ITS DELICATE and she was like OH YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT))

sooooooo ummmmmm then security was ushering us around the corner and into this back area and TAYLOR SWIFT WAS RIGHT THERE??????? hailee and i were GRIPPING each others hands and i almost broke down into tears but hailee was like NO YOUR MAKE UP DONT DO IT YET NOT YET HOLD IT TOGETHER

and taylor (that sneaky bitch i love her) saw us together and basically took a photo with the other 2 people in our group and THEN came over to us to do us separately (!!!) ((apparently according to hailee the at&t lady running the thing was like “what is happening” but it’s taylor swift so she can do anything) so she walked over to us and we kept our cool somehow and i was like “WE WAITED 10 YEARS FOR THIS” and she high fived me and was like “WE DID IT!!” and i told her i drove 8 hours from nashville and she was baffled about how far that was. hailee thanked her for making her more courageous and resilient and we thanked her for the pride speech in chicago and she was so excited we went to the rain show. then i thanked her for writing “invisible” and she looked at me like OH WOW IM SHOCKED she was like “wow no one ever talks about that song thank you!” and i told her it made me feel seen and she was just so so kind and warm and did i mention she hugged us? and she’s kinda tall but she felt like our height and she felt like our best friend? ummm yeah so then the at&t people were like PICTURE and we went over and hailee and i both blacked out like we don’t remember what the background looked like??? i assume it’s the same as it always is but we didn’t notice lol um yeah so i remember smiling for the photo and i LEANED MY HEAD AGAINST TAYLORS???!?!? and then as we were finishing i was like IM GOING TO LOUISVILLE ON SATURDAY!!! and she was like “wow im so excited! i cant wait to be back on tour! i always hate the breaks in between!” and then i was like “CAN YOU PLAY SOMETHING FROM SPEAK NOW” and she was like “oh maybe” but she looked so disinterested i was thinking TAYLOR COME ON ITS SPEAK NOW and then i said i love you and she said i love you i think and then we got out and wowowowowowow

tree paine was there again and we were like OMG THAKN YOU CAN WE HUG YOU and she was so sweet like YES OF COURSE!!!! (um @tree-paine you are literally the kindest i would die for you) anyway hailee had a letter for taylor and she asked tree if someone could give it to her and tree was like i’ll put it in my back pocket!! and then we left and we kept thanking people as we walked out and that is the story of the greatest night of my life.

thank you to at&t and to hailee and to @taylornation and of course to @taylorswift wowowow i never thought this would happen to me and it did IT REALLY DID WOW

[jadedfanfiction-blog]

Chapter 2

Ok so I know you read the beginning of this and wondering how in the hell did I get myself here. I'm twenty-three years old, with two degrees, a dream job at DDC House Design, the top interior design house on the east coast and I am officially 6 weeks pregnant. Well I am going to have to take you back to about 8 months ago when I stepped out on a dream and chased it all the way to New York City.

"Congratulations Sloane Taylor,  

This letter is to thank you and to acknowledge of your offer of employment to join the staff of DDC House of Designs with an entry level salary of $176,000. We feel it would be out mutual advantage to advance our final decision. Will contact you via email to advise you of your employment packet.  

Sincerely, DDC House Designs

"OOOOMMMMGGGGG, Mommy come her look! Omg look at this email!"

"What is it Sloane you are calling my name like you crazy."

""Look mom I got the designing job in New York?"

"Wow that’s great baby girl I'm so proud of you." My mother said with conviction,  

I looked up at my mother that had a sweet and sour look on her face when she heard me say New York.  

"Ok mom please don’t ruin this moment with that look ok New York is not that far away.  

"I know honey but its far enough and you don’t have any family up there. "

See my mother in my eyes is being her usual over protective self at the mention of me going somewhere that isn't Greensboro, North Carolina. I've been here my entire life and I can't wait to leave. Nobody here has hope or dreams of anything outside of those city lines. Don’t get me wrong I love my hometown and I am proud of where I come from, but I want to see the world. I graduated college last year from North Carolina A&T with my Bachelors in Business and a Minor in Art since of course my mother would have had a heart attack if I would have gone out of state. Hell, I think she might have had a minor stroke if I went to East Carolina University, so I didn’t even test the limits. I am by far not a small-town girl but I hold my values. Most of the girls I graduated out of high school have kids now including my best friend Amina Walton who I have known since kindergarten. We met on the first day when she asked me to push her on the swing on the playground and now we have been inseparable ever since. She had her daughter Skylar our freshman year in college and I love her to the moon and back but I know for sure I am nowhere near ready to be a mom.  

Mommy, I can take care of myself I am an adult and plus I have done everything you have ever asked of me. I stayed in Greensboro longer than I had planned on it. It is way past time for me to travel and leave."

"I understand Sloane, but what are you going to do it something goes wrong or you need something."

"then I will call home and ask. Mom you have to learn to let me go you are starting to smother me and I am an adult. I love you I really do but I am taking this job,"  

I had to put on my firm voice but I know I was hurting her feelings by saying that. It has been me and my mom for years after my dad died and she couldn’t help but hold me close. I can't really blame her though she really stepped up and played both roles perfectly to win an Oscar.  

"well what are they offering you to have you move so far?"

"they are paying my rent for my apartment, full benefit coverage, paid vacations and all holidays off. Come on mom, it is no way I am going to ever find a job like that here."

"ok ok Sloane. When do you have to leave after you accept the job?"

"Two-weeks..."

"two weeks! That is too soon how will you pack and get all of your things there in time?"

"they are sending movers mom, everything will be fine.  

I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself while she was in my room. Once I finally got her to see things through my eyes she walked out my room. I closed the door and let out a silent scream. I count help it. It felt like such a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I am leaving this place behind and not looking back.  

Two weeks flew by I couldn’t believe my whole life was packed into 30 cardboard boxes and I was counting the hours to load them in a moving truck. I didn’t think I was going to be this sad to leave when I made the call and accepted the position. Amina through me a huge going away party last night and it seemed like the entire city came out to see me off. Including my ex Zayvion. 

We dated for 3 years and I learned everything I don’t deserve in a relationship. I know what you thinking and no he didn’t cheat on me but let's just say college can really change people. Everything was perfect in that honey moon phase but after he crossed and pledged Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc. Secrets pushed us apart and turned us against each other. I didn’t expect to see him there and I know Amina didn’t invite him so of course he heard through the grapevine that I was leaving. Everybody loved us together being that we were the "black Love Lives" couple of the century. I can't deny he was fine for sure 6"4, golden peanut butter skin, full pink lips and chocolate brown curls. With a smile that made me melt and eyes to steal my soul.  Who could turn him down? At one point I never thought I could. Not to mention his dick game was powerful I swear that’s how he pledged on line. Freshman and Sophomore year, I had a nice size four body, but Junior and Senior year I filled out in everything. My body couldn’t lie that he wasn’t putting it down before dorm curfew and the whole campus could see it.  

He approached me with that suave walk and pearly white smile smashed across his face. I got a little weak at the knees as I watched him approach me from across the back yard. All my girls giggling behind me talking about "girl here he come" "mmm you sure you wanna leave that behind" "girl he so damn fine". I rolled my eyes at all of them, "look yall need to calm down and play it cool nobody is thinking about that boy." But on the inside my heart was racing. He walked up and said " what's up yall?" His voice rang in my ears so vibrant sending me to reminisce when he would whisper in my ear with my legs up on his shoulders and he hitting my spot just right. Damn I missed that feeling. My pussy started tingling and the thought of his hands rubbing down my thighs to spread my legs.  

"Sloane you good? "

I snapped out my daydream, "yeah I'm good, what are you doing here?"

"I heard Kiwan talking about it and I was surprised that I didn’t get an invitation so I thought I would make a surprise appearance. "

"well I didn’t make the guest list so I hope your feelings weren't too hurt."

"A little bit, but it's nothing a hug can't fix though," he shrugged his shoulders and held his arms out and open for me.  

It couldn't hurt just to hug him right? I contemplated at first then I just gave in and stepped in for the hug. His Prada cologne hit my nose and mesmerized me. His chest was thick and muscular. I could feel in his back where he had been hitting the gym and it was doing his justice.  

"awwww look at my favorite couple." I hear coming from behind him a familiar voice. Zayvion's best friend and line brother Kiwan. He was cool and about the only friend he had that I actually liked.  

"shut up you are so annoying"  

"don’t do me like that friend, you know im always going to team Sloane and Zay"  

"Shut up bro " Zay laughed and nudged Kiwan. "you play too much"  

"ok when yall stop frontin' let me know. Speaking of frontin whats up Amina you not gonna speak ? "

" Boy bye no im not speaking to you." Amina gave him the hand and walked off. Kiwan always had a thing for Amina since sophomore year and she tried everything to turn him away but I know on the low she had a little flutter for him. All it took was when she mentioned she had a daughter and he instantly got excited and said he would love to meet her one day. It definitely took Amina by surprise most guys take off at the mention of a kid but he held his own.  

"Bro when are you just going to let that go man?" Zay always joked him for how Amina loved to give him the cold shoulder.  

"Never bruh, you don’t understand we got a thing its just on the low."  

We all burst out laughing and everything felt like old times. In that moment my heart felt a little heavy. Am I really going to leave all of this behind. My friends and family for the big city? I wanted to say im staying but I knew It was just in the moment and when I got there it would all fade away.  

*Alarm rings

I woke up not realizing that I had fallen asleep in the middle of my day dreams. Today was the day. I reached over to turn off my alarm and my notification list was longer than usual. I scrolled down and saw Amina, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Daily Quotes and to my surprise Zayvion. My eye widened and I didnt even think he still had my number. I didn’t want to open his message to make it seem like I missed him or was pressed to see what he said so I just went to answer Amina. She said she was on her way to help me load the moving truck so I needed to get up and shower.  

Im going over my check list to make sure I got everything to load up as I see her pull up in her red Volkswagen Jetta. I didn’t even have to turn around to know it was her because I could hear the 90s r&b playlist bumping from down the street. The car doors closed and I heard my little angel Skylar's voice call out for me " Auntie!" I dropped my notepad and swept her up in my arms for a huge hug. She has gotten so big so fast and I cant believe I am about to leave her. I have been there since day one and in the delivery room when she was born.  

She hugged my neck so tight then pulled back and asked "auntie why is all of your stuff in that big truck where are you going?"  

I wanted to lie and say no where without you but I couldn’t. "auntie is moving to new york remember for her big girl job." She just smiled back at me and said "well are you going to visit me and mommy because we are going to miss you."  

"of course pumpkin and you and mommy are going to come visit me on the airplane right?"

"yes" she squealed. "good now go see meme she has cookies." I put her down on her feet and she took off running into the house. Amina walked up behind her and hugged me which is something she never does.  

"what is wrong with you, im not dying" I said.  

"what do you mean you are not dying?" She look confused at what I asked her.  

"uhm you are hugging me like im dying tomorrow not moving away."  

"well you might as well be! We have spent every day of our lives together since kindergarten, what am I going to do now that you have out grown this place?"

"well you know you can always move there too eventually, they need nurses in every state."  

"yeah I know but I have Skylar and I don’t really want to take her from my mom."

"you cant limit your self because of other people Mina." I always wanted so much more for Amina. She had potential to be so much more than she allowed herself to step out of her comfort zone to be. We were similar but our differences made us great friends.  

"girl are you sure you are ready to move like what is going to be the first thing you do when you get there?"

"shit find the nearest Junior's Cheesecake and walk the Brooklyn Bridge." We burst out laughing but I couldn’t be more serious.  

"how did it feel seeing Zayvion last night? I had no idea he was going to show up even though the whole city was In that shit. We was lit for sure."

"yeah It was super awkward and intense at first and it felt like old times." Speaking of Zay I totally forgot he had texted me this morning. "He texted me this morning and I didn’t think he would remember my number."

"why wouldn’t he? Bestfriend now you know that boy still love you and he know he fucked up."

"to bad that was not my problem then and its not now. He shoudnt be trying to press me now its been a whole year since we broke up and he wants to wait until the day before I leave to reach out? No thank you ill pass." I rolled my eyes and went to grab some boxes. It was no need for me to text back now.

We loaded the truck in a matter of 2 hours and nothing was left but my suitcase and backpack for my flight in the morning. My mom had to work but she would be off intima to take me to the airport. Amina and Skylar stayed over for one of our famous living room sleepovers.  

"You know your going to be ordering out every night when you get there because you cant cook?" She laughed trying to joke will she made all my sleepover favorites.

"shut up I can cook enough to survive! Plus that’s what restaurants are for to order out of."

"yeah but your going to miss this home cooking believe it or not because you know I can burn." Amina was the perfect wife and mom type. She had all the qualities not to mention she was beautiful. Milk cocoa brown skin, full curly natural hair that she passed on to Sky and she was 5"4 slim thick thick for sure.  

"yeah I am, you spoil me bestie. Thanks for everything!" I smiled at her and she just smiled back because she wasn’t the sentimental type but I know a tear filled her eye on that one. She finished cooking and we turned on the black Cinderella with Brandy and Whitney Houston our favorite movie. Amina was sleep first as usual then sky and me. My mom came in and woke us up in time to get ready for me to catch my flight. We parked the car in the departure parking lot and they walked me to my gate. I hugged Amina and Sky trying to hold back tears. Then my mom who was wiping her eyes quickly so I wouldn’t see her crying.  

"oh mommy its ok don’t cry. I am going to facetime you as soon as I land."  

"I love you Sloane be safe ok?"

"I love you too mommy!"  

*now boarding flight 5477 to New York City at Gate 4*

"that’s me guys! I will call as soon as I land." I picked up my bag and walked to my gate. Handing my ticket over to the flight attendant I took one last look back at them waving bye to me I waved back walked through the doors. I found my seat and adjusted myself for the take off. I had a window seat so I could see the airplane wing. I took a hug deep breath and settled my nerves. This was the start of a new beginning and the plane started rolling.  

[kpurereactions]

She Boss | Pt. 6

Summery: She’s her own boss and theres nothing that can’t stop her from ruling the world. Except for the soft heart she sprouts from the young, handsome Korean Leader. Pairing: Kwon Jiyong x Reader Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff WARNINGS: Language, light|heavy Violence, light|heavy Smut light/heavy

there is mention of sexual assault in this chapter, so if that makes you uncomfortable you do not have to read this. 

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

You linked your arm through Jiyong’s once everyone was ready to meet in the already set up conference room that centered the downstairs. You walked in and let your eyes wonder around the octangular room. You released Jiyongs arm and made your way past the men who already sat there to sit at the head of the table. You let your head fall into your hands while you waited for everyone else to take a seat before you sighed and looked back up, you couldn't actually believe that you had lost your temper like that and you were honestly a little embarrassed. 

You folded your arms and looked around the room of men, watching as they all settled in, some of them even talking lightly. Jiyong placed a hand on your shoulder from where he stood behind you and smiled sweetly before taking the seat at your right. You sighed again and rocked back in your chair.

“Alright guys, lets get this over with.” You said looking around the room, your eyes ending on Jiyong’s, who once again smiled at you sweetly. 

You watched as everyone around you settled in and Daesung opened his laptop. You hoped there was something on there that would be worth this meeting. 

“So we know those dicks were sent here by Luca. What we don't know is who instructed Luca.” Deasung started, his hand scrolling slightly. 

“What makes you think this isn't all Luca’s doing?” You asked watching him. 

“Well I found something. Something that you personally aren't going to like, boss.” He said looking over to Jiyong, who's eyebrows furrowed together at the news.

“What did you find.”

“Phantom villages, there’s three that we know of so far. They are packed full of children to be sold off.” Deasung said timidly. You looked over and watched as the anger in Jiyong’s eyes rose. 

“Human Trafficking?” You asked. Mafia’s in Italy didnt care for Human Trafficking, there was no real money in it so you've never delt with it. Still, though you have done some pretty bad things, this seemed to make your skin crawl. 

“Are you sure they're all controlled by the same person?” Jiyong said coldly. 

“Positive. They're is one tent in each village that is nicer than the others, and theres a symbol, it looks like a satanic lion, serpent thing i can't really tell what it is, but they're all the same.” He said looking at the screen. 

“Let me look?” You asked and accepted the computer that was slid your way. 

You knew exactly what it was. A painting your grandfather had picked up from an italian art collector, something that your father and his both wanted to turn into your mafia’s symbol of fear, but you hated it. 

You hated the long, giraffe like neck that held up a decaying looking lion head that had a snakes tongue. You hated its fish like body and how grotesque the human like breasts that sat on its chest were. You just hated everything. You looked up at Vince who didnt seem to catch your gaze but chose to ignore it. 

“Have you seen this before?” Deasung asked, obviously picking up on your expression. 

“No, its just disturbing. You said closing his computer and pushing it back towards him. “So what do you want to do. This is your turf, so we will help you with what ever.” You said, reminding Jiyong.

“I want to shut them down. Ive worked too hard to get rid of the phantom villages in my area, I'm not about to let them up now.” He said leaning back in his chair, watching you nod. 

“So... field trip?” You asked with a devilish grin, sending a slight wink towards Jiyong. 

It was the first time He had seen you in something other than a dress, and he couldn't seem to get his eyes off of you. The tight pant suit you wore with your hair pulled back tightly made his pants tight and there was nothing he can do about it.

 He insisted the two of you rode together, there was no reason for you two to take separate cars, so while Seunghyun drove Ule sat in the front seat with Dino, Seungri and Daesung behind your seats.The 7 of you decided to take the biggest camp while the other boys took care of the other two, there was no reason for anyone to get a whiff of what was heppening. Everything needed to stop instantly.  With the two of you in the car the ride was fairly playful. The two of you examined one another guns, you kept fixing his tie since it never sat quite right against his chest and you couldn't help yourself but to tease the boys who sat behind you. 

The moment the tires hit dirt game faces went on. You slid back into your seat and crossed one leg over the other before cocking your gun and getting it ready, just in case. The long road to what Daesung assumed was the first camp that popped up was dusty to the point where you could hardly see two feet outside the window to your right. 

“Whats the plan.” You asked looking over towards Jiyong who shifted in his seat. 

“Hopefully there will be someone in the camp monitoring the grounds,” He said shifting towards you. “We will go in and immediately remove the children. We have an orphanage were close with from when these phantom villages were all over the place and the children will go there temporarily. Once the kids are removed and won't be scared, we get our information.”

You nodded and were thinking about kissing him before starting but the car slid to a stop before you had the chance. His hand that was still wrapped around your squeezed it as his door was open and you watched him as he stepped out, adjusted his suit and held a hand out to you to help you out of the same door as him. 

You first impression of the village was heartbreaking. Dirty children scattered around with terrified eyes that seemed to lighten up when they saw you. You followed Jiyong up the rest of the path, your hand reaching behind you just to double check the gun that sat in your waist line. You walked through the center of the village towards the large tent with the creature on the side, but before Jiyong could walk into the tent you touched his arm. 

“Im going to stay out here with the kids, try to talk to them.” You said stopping him. 

He smiled and nodded before letting his hand squeeze yours and walking away. You turned as he busted into the tent and looked towards the group of maybe 20 kids. Ule was on your right and by reading the body language of those in front of you he was scaring the children. You sighed and felt your heart get heavy. 

“Stand down solider.” You said softly, but so the kids could hear you while touching him slighting. His shoulders relaxed and he looked down be for giving the group of kids a sweet smile. 

You took a step forward and watched as all eyes flicked back towards you, and you gave them a sweet smile. 

“Whats your name?” You ask softly to one of the younger kids in the front. 

“776″ She said softly making your heart drop. 

“Your real name darling.”

“Jisoo.” 

“Jisoo, Im here to save you guys okay? I don't know what these people have been doing to you, but its not going to happen anymore okay?” You said running your thumb gently over her cheek. 

She began to nod but then jumped into your chest when a loud gunshot came from the tent. You hugged the child and looked over your shoulder to see Jiyong walking out of the tent. He sighed annoyingly before nodded at you once and when you nodded back he picked up his phone, mumbled some words and hung up. You turned back to the children and stroked Jisoo’s hair once before finding one of the older children. 

“Whats been going on here?” You asked in a little bit more stern of a voice.

“We don't know. We've all been taken and left here. Once or twice a day men come an take a kid or two and then just leave like nothing is wrong.” He said softly. 

“Are you taken from your families?” Jiyong said steping up a little to quickly, making Jisoo cower in more to your side. 

“Its okay, he won't hurt you.” You said softly bending back down to take her little hands away from her face to show you your kind smile. She nodded once and you turned your attention away from her and back towards the tall boy. 

“Most of us yes. They take us form getting off the school bus or from playgrounds, but they've recently just been pulling kids from orphanages since theres really no one to make a big fuss about them disappearing,” He said nodding his head towards Jisoo who clung to you tighter. 

It took you a second to recover from your heart breaking slightly. Your head snapped around and your business face turned on as you turned to face Ule. “Get all the kids names and match them with missing kid reports. They're all going home today. One of you call the others to tell them to get those kids names too.” 

“Our lead shot himself the moment we walked in.” Guying said to you in an annoyed voice before turning back to the children. You sighed and watched him, not sure if you should go in to see for yourself or if you should stay out here and help. He just looked so upset. 

The clean up went easier than you thought it would go, but with Jisoo clinging to you for dear life now you were sure what to do. She had no one, and as hard as your men looked no one could find a report that listed her missing. At this point more then half the children had been taken out of the village and were returning home to their parents where they were given a brief description of what had happened and how they were lucky the kids were found before anything really bad had happened. Jisoo was sleeping against your back, her little arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders and her ankles wrapped tightly around your waist. 

You sat next to Jiyong who was just hanging up the phone and rested your head against his shoulder. He smiled down at you and placed a kiss on the top of your head. He went to wrap an arm around you but was stopped when he noticed the child clinging to your back. 

“What do we do with her.” You said looking straight forward, your eyes tracing over all the foot prints in the sand. 

“I don't know, we will figure something out though.” 

It was the last group of kids to be taken out of the camp so everyone climbed into the van. Your hand found its way into Jiyong’s who smiled down at you. Jisoo was curled into your lap, a soft smile toughing her lips as Jiyong stroked her hair back softly. 

“Seeing you like this is putting thoughts into my head.” He whispered into your ear. 

“No I could never... I... I can't be a mom for fucks sake.” You whispered making him chuckle.

“Maybe not now. But eventually I can see it.” 

You smacked his arm slightly making him chukle and pull you in to kiss your temple. 

Everything had worked out. A mother who's daughter had been taken saw the terrified look in Jisoo’s eyes and asked you where her parents were. You could see her heart breaking when you just shook your head, she knew exactly what that meant. 

“Whats going to happen to her?” She asked you, fear in her eyes as she tightened her grip on her own child. 

“Nothing bad, not as long as Im alive. But I don't know.” You said nodding once. 

You watched as she set her child down and whispered something in her ear. You watched as the child’s face lit up as she looked over to Jisoo. You watched as the mother reached for your hand and led you a step or two away from the two girls who were now talking quietly to one another. 

“I would like to take her,” The mother said. “I know what you do, but I also know you want the best for that little girl. Let her come with me, let me raise her like my Eunha’s sister, like my daughter. She will be safe with me. Please let me do this for her.”

You smiled and nodded at the older woman, believing everything she had said.

“Treat her as your own forever, please.” You said taking her hands and smiling softly, knowing that this was the right thing for everyone. 

Jiyong came up behind you and thanked the mother, bowing slightly and reaching into his front pocket. 

“If you need anything, at any time, give this number a call and we will be there to assist you. Thank you for stepping up and taking care of the child.” He said handing her the black card that had a black embossed dragon across it and gold numbers centered in the middle of it. 

You kissed his cheek after bowing to the mother and returned to Jisoo, kneeling down in front of her. You smiled to her new sister and then reached for your wrist. 

“You two are sisters now, okay?” You said with a soft smile, your fingers unclasping something on your wrist. 

“These are for you two. Keep them always and bad things like this won't ever happen to you again, okay?” You said holding out the dainty gold chain bracelets that had a single snake charm on the clasp. 

With a hug from the two girls and their mother you were following Jiyong back into the van to head home. It was a long day and you couldn't help but lean against Jiyongs shoulder, your arm draped over his lap. You watched as his fingers played with yours and even though you wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right there your mind wasn't letting you. 

Your eyes traveled from where your fingers danced with one another to the slight bulge at the top of his pants. You bit your lip wondering what he looked like fully naked, what he felt like and what he could do to your body. You haven't ever really explored your own body, the thought turned you off, but the thought of him exploring you made a heat rise through your core. Your cheeks flushed, how could your body do this to you when you were in a van full of men, especially after you just saved children from being sex slaves. But it was and the longer you looked up and down Jiyongs lower body the hotter you grew. 

To avoid embarrassment you were walking out of the van before the door could even be opened for you. You could hear Jiyong chuckle in the background as you swayed your hips a little more, he obviously noticed. As you opened the door you turned to catch his eye and with a simple wink you turned and walking into the house. 

You hurried up the stairs, he had obviously gotten your drift and you could hear him telling the men they will catch up about this in the morning, his voice coming out a little more rushed than usually. You hurried into your bedroom and immediately began to strip, your body now screaming at you for him. He reached the room to find you in nothing but the black lacy underwear and tall heels you had been wearing that day.

 You watched him as his face lit up slightly, his eyes now dancing over your whole body as he took in everything he hadn't been able to before. You crossed your arms and cocked your hip, waiting for him to do something but he seemed to be in shock. 

“You can at least close the door.” You said with a smug smile when Seunghyun had started to pass but immediately turned around when he noticed what was happening. 

He listened, reaching for the nob and bringing it closed behind him. His eyes never left you though, he didnt even want to blink in fear of possibly ruining the moment. The moment the door shut and his fingers switched the lock something in him flipped. He moved towards you quickly, one hand pulling at his tie while the other caught your body tightly. His lips crashed down to yours and he kissed you heavily. His hand moved up to tangle itself in your hair and his body pressed against yours to make you walk backwards.

This kiss broke so you could push yourself back onto the bed, Jiyong following you immediately, now fully removing his tie. You sat up slightly to meet his lips. his hands caught your back as you started to pull off his jacket, but the moment your hands met the buttons you were too lost in the kiss.

His lips pressed harshly against yours as they moved in sync. His tongue took no time in opening you up and pulling a soft moan from your chest. Your body at this point almost hurt from needing him so bad so you pushed him over. You were pleasantly surprised when he listened to you, rolling off of you and onto his back while accepting you on his lap. You began to circulate your hips, your hand reaching up to toss your hair. The sight of you like that pulled a deep groan from Jiyong causing a smile to touch your lips. Your hips still rolling you let him pull you down against him, the now bare skin of his chest pressed against your skin made it harder to resist him. Moans came from your mouth as he kneeded at your back side, and at this point the pressure in his pants seemed so hard against you, you almost felt bad. 

He allowed you to slide down his body, your fingers making quick work of his slacks. A soft chuckle came from him when you froze, all your confidence slipping as you realized how real this had gotten. You watched him as he sat up and reached for you, pulling you into his body. He kissed you gently, his hands pulling you so you were propping yourself up on his thighs. 

“I knew you were going to fast.” He chuckled against your lips making you blush. 

“I still want to.” You said bringing a knee up so you could sit on his lap again. 

“Oh thank god.” He breathed. “I didnt know if I could come down from this.” He said making your chuckle. 

His arm wrapped around you and in one swift motion he had you on your back, a playful squeal leaving your lips as he did so. He hovered above you for a second, pushing your hair to the side to free your face completely before letting his body rest on yours, your lips meeting once more. Even though the kiss wasn't as rough or fast as before it held the same amount of passion. His lips pressed against yours, your jaw and your neck in turns leaving you trying to catch your breath. He undid the front clasp of your bra without permission, not that he needed it, but the moment your breasts were free he began touching them softly till your body was arching to press yourself agains this hands harder. 

What you didnt realize was he was trying to figure your body out. Every kiss, every soft touch compared to a hard one told him everything he needed to know about you so by the time he was kissing down your body and taking your underwear with him he had you pretty much figured out. There was only one part left. 

But as he kissed back up your body to your lips and lowered himself on you, the tip of his member softly kissing your core everytihng started to get too real. His body felt like 1000 pounds on your chest and panic began to set in as faint male voices that weren't actually there messed with your mind. You began to breath hard, the feeling of not being able to move your arms or legs took over your body as the panic set in. Your breath grew loud and staggered, your eyes squeezing shut as the feeling of being held down came over you. You squirmed harshly under him and got enough strength to pushed him off of you, why you thought you could do this you didn't know. 

You were so embarrassed, the panic still heavy in your heart as you pushed yourself as far from him as possible. Your knees were brought up to shield your naked body and your face rest against them as you wrapped your arms around your head. 

There was no noise from the other side of the room, or maybe there was and you just couldn't hear it over the sound of ringing in your ears. You scolded yourself. You knew well that Jiyong would never do anything to you that would make you feel uncomfortable, he's proven that much already. You hated yourself for not being able to trust him completely. 

But for the first time since it happened, you had felt lust. So that meant something right?

You didnt even realize you were crying until you sniffled back a set of unwanted tears. Thats when the sound of your name being said quietly came through the room. You shook your head, not being able to look up at him. How could this happen. 

You felt the bed dip next to you, and through the crack of your elbow you could see Jiyong kneeling next to you, his hands risen slightly off his thighs as if he wasn't quite sure if he could touch you or not. When you finally got the courage to look up at him you were heart broken. He looked at you with so much terror in his eyes, you scared him. You tried to whisper a soft ‘I'm sorry’ but nothing came out. You watched as Jiyong shook his head, even though he had no idea what could have happened he understood. 

His arms made you flinch slightly as he tried to quickly manipulate the comforter around you. You tried to apologize again but the sad look in your eyes made you stop. You needed to explain. He deserved that much. 

“Im sorry.” You started, making his eyes snap back over to you. 

“Was I being too rough? I know its your first time, but its my first time being someones first I just didnt-”

“Jiyong.” You stopped his rambling and pulled the blanket over you more before slowly reaching your still shaking hand out to touch him. “Im not a virgin.” You said softly, tears already pricking in your eyes. 

“What?”

“When I was 12 I... My brothers left me alone and... I tried to hold my own with their older friends but I said something and... They took advantage of me.” You said softly. 

“They took advantage?”

“They raped me.” 

“Oh.”

[maximuswolf]

I [32F] just found this subreddit and I am crying via /r/ADHD

I [32F] just found this subreddit and I am crying

I've suspected that I might have ADHD for a while now, but when I started scrolling through the posts on this subreddit I just started bawling; so many of them could have been written by me.

The first psych I saw said I couldn't have ADHD since I had good grades. Turns out I am just really smart and good at memorization, doesn't mean I can pay attention.

Recently, I was treated for anxiety and depression with Prozac. It is working really well for both, but I found that I was still having issues with motivation and focus. I work in a lab but I am working remotely mostly now (more like remotely working since I am getting only a few hours done per week). My boss is starting to notice. My relationship with my boyfriend is suffering too - he gets upset when I forget things, or if I start looking at my phone when he's talking to me (understandably), etc.

Just for illustration purposes, here is what I did today - does it sound like I might have ADHD?:

8am - woke up and made coffee

8:15-9 worked on my paper (yay!)

9am-10 - did virtual yoga

10am - shower

11-12 researching covid vaccine safety (randomly thought about it in shower)

1 - lunch and getting ready

2pm - go to lab

2-3pm lab meeting over zoom - I forgot that i was supposed to present today. Boss seemed pretty disappointed. I didnt pay attention to anyone elses presentations. Instead, I browsed twitter and listened to a stevie nicks gypsy demo instead.

3pm-4:30pm researched why gypsy is considered a racial slur, learned a lot about the plight and oppression of the Romani people, and tried to figure out whether or not bohemian would be considered a racial slur as well (still not sure), listened to songs from the opera la boheme (and read the english translations)

4:30pm - realized i hadnt gotten any work done whilst at work. Worked a little bit on my figure. Then felt stressed about not having worked and want to go home.

5pm - biked home

5:30-6:30 facebook and twitter, went down a jill biden rabbithole (did you know Joe proposed 5 times before she said yes? lol)

6:30-7 went to riteaid and get dinner

7-7:30 ate dinner

7:30-9 learned everything i can online about emily dickinson and her lesbian lovers including reading most of her love letters to her brothers wife

9-10 watched my favorite unknown artists youtube videos trying to find the perfect one to post to reddit to try and get her more fans, decide not to post

10 - wondered what the hell is wrong with me

10-10:50 learned to play gypsy on ukulele

10:50 decided to work! went to put on a song and spend ~10 min just trying to decide what to listen to

11 put on a "brain food" playlist and then googled whether or not adhd people have a hard time keeping to do lists, then googled whether or not adhd people have a hard time watching shows (i can't watch them unless im with other people - oh or the times when I find a show actually interesting enough to watch then I'll binge watch it) and find this subreddit!

11-11:30 write this post, decide that I'll try working again tomorrow!

I have a psychiatry appointment scheduled next week. I'm really hoping he will be willing to try me on something that might help.

One thing I noticed is that I am much better at working when I was a smoker (just quit again) and also when I was on drugs that affected dopamine (Latuda and Abilify - had to quit due to side effects). So I think dopamine is a big factor in what is going on in my brain.

Really glad y'all are here too and that I'm not the only one struggling. Advice welcome.

Submitted January 22, 2021 at 12:39AM by salientalias via reddit https://ift.tt/3p8NrTw