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linskywords · 2 years

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And the ficciest Taylor Swift song of all time is...

youtube

(Had to use the original version because the music video is just too good, sorry Taylor)

Song: You Belong With Me Album: Fearless Year: 2008/2021 Lyrics: https://genius.com/Taylor-swift-you-belong-with-me-taylors-version-lyrics Ficciness Rank: #1

This song is, in my objective opinion, perfect. It’s the gold standard of songs sung by women that are arguably even better if you imagine them sung by a gay guy. All the stuff about not performing femininity well enough–short skirts vs. t-shirts, high heels vs. sneakers–are just begging to be about a guy who thinks he’ll never get his best friend’s love because, well, he isn’t a girl.

And he should be with this guy! They get along so well together! Way better than the girls this guy is always dating–they never treat him like they even like him, and honestly, he doesn’t seem to like them all that much, either. Main character is the one who really knows him, who likes the same music as him and laughs at the same jokes. Main character is the one this guy turns to when he’s having a hard time, who hears about his dreams, who shares the important things in life with him. They’re so connected. It’s almost everything main character wants–just close enough to be absolutely torturous.

It’s the culmination of the themes we’ve been chasing through these top 25 songs: the unbearable closeness to someone who feels like they should be more than a friend; the longing, the adoration, the feeling that this person was made for you; the sense of inadequacy compared to the people that this person is and should be dating; the angst at the impossibility of them ever wanting you back. This song is friends to lovers in a nutshell.

Pairing I’d assign to this song: We’re returning to the hockey RPF champions: Jonny and Patrick. My first hockey RPF pairing, and still my favorite dynamic to write. And we’re gonna honor the music video and go with a high school AU here.

Jonny and Patrick have been friends since elementary school. It’s only in the past year or so that Patrick’s realized their friendship really isn’t enough for him. They have this whole bit where they write notes to each other and pass them in class, folded into fun shapes and sometimes tucked into pockets when the other person isn’t paying attention so they’ll find them later. Patrick can’t count the number of times he’s found a note from Jonny well after the school day ends and has sat there grinning helplessly at it, warmth blooming all through his chest. He finds himself doodling extra notes in the margins of his notebook paper, writing “I love you” in spots that he could tear out and fold up and tuck into Jonny’s pockets somewhere. But he never does.

Because Jonny’s dating someone. Jonny’s always dating someone. They’re both on the hockey team, and Jonny’s tall and good-looking and scrupulously polite to girls and it means there’s always someone going out with him. Some of the girls he dates are nice, and some even seem genuinely into him–but none of them really connect with him, not like Patrick does. Jonny doesn’t even seem like himself with them. He’s all stiff and formal and closed-off, and for some reason girls like that because they think it means he’s mysterious and deep, but it’s not who he really is. They never get to see the silly version of Jonny, or the one who gets stressed and anxious from the pressures of school, or the one who stays up late with Patrick whispering into the dark about their secret dreams of playing professional hockey someday.

I love you, Patrick writes on a little slip of paper, but he puts it in his own pocket instead.

Junior prom is coming up, and Jonny’s going with the girl he’s been dating lately. Patrick could definitely go alone or with friends. Hell, he could find a girl of his own to go with. But he doesn’t want to–it’s too painful to see Jonny with his current girlfriend. She doesn’t even treat him well, and anyway, Patrick wants to be the one pressed against Jonny on the dance floor and taking couple’s photos for their parents. He can’t get over this feeling of rightness deep in his chest at the idea of it, and it feels like he’s ripping something out of himself when he remembers that it will never happen.

So Patrick’s not going to the dance. Jonny’s really bummed about it–he even rents them both tuxes in an effort to get Patrick to change his mind, but Patrick doesn’t budge. He’s not going to torture himself like that.

But the night of prom, Patrick’s alone in his room, and he looks at the tux Jonny got for him and he thinks…why not? He’s bored and sad sitting here alone, and he doesn’t want his thing for Jonny to ruin everything for him. So he puts the tux on (it fits perfectly, Jonny knows his size by heart), and before he goes out the door he hesitates over the note on his desk, one of the “I love you” notes he never gave to Jonny. He grabs it and puts it in his pocket. He knows he’s not going to do anything with it, but a guy can dream, right?

He goes to the dance, and Jonny finds him right away, even in the crush of tipsy high school students. He looks so excited that Patrick made it, and his girlfriend isn’t anywhere in sight. “Where’s Julia?” Patrick shouts over the noise, and Jonny just says, “Look in your pocket!” “What?” Patrick says, panicked, and gropes for his right pocket, where he put the note. How does Jonny…did he find out, or…

“No, the other one,” Jonny says, and he’s kind of bouncing on his toes, his cheeks flushed. Patrick sticks his hand in his left pocket, and there’s a note there, too: a note in the flower fold that Jonny taught him years ago. He opens it and stares at it in confusion. “But–I didn’t write this,” he says.

“No, I wrote it,” Jonny says, this look of hope in his eyes, and all of a sudden Patrick feels like laughing. He digs into his other pocket. “This is the one I wrote,” he says, and hands Jonny his note. Jonny’s face lights up like the sun rising. For a moment they’re both standing there with their I love you notes, beaming at each other, and then–well, this is prom, isn’t it? What’s prom without a little making out on the dance floor?

Lyrics to title this story: Here the Whole Time

Masterpost Playlist

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#hat tip to altri_uccelli who has an excellent 1988 fic with a title from this song #that seems to be a theme here honestly #advent 2022 #ficciest taylor #hockey rpf #taylor swift #1988 #patrick kane #jonathan toews #Youtube

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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Tree House Kisses, Chapter 45 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Penultimate chapter! Only one more to go after this! Click here for previous chapters or here if you’d rather read on AO3. xoxo!

And thank you SO MUCH to wonderful betas: @saiphl, @sillylittlecandycane, @tumble4rpdr

Chapter Summary: Courtney forces Adore to have a conversation that she really, really doesn’t want to. (And nobody is surprised at the results except the two of them.)

Chapter 45: Jump the Gun

COURTNEY: It’s really hard to plan a road trip when you’re not talking to me.

COURTNEY: So you’re just doing this silent treatment thing again, really?

COURTNEY: ...

COURTNEY: I broke up with Roy.

COURTNEY: Can we please talk?

It was Wednesday, the night before their graduation, and Adore’s house was teeming with boisterous relatives. At one point, late in the evening, she escaped to the tree house with a sleeping bag, praying that no stray cousins would find her because she was running out of weed and really didn’t want to share. She curled up in a beanbag chair that was years past its prime and lit her last joint.

Courtney certainly was a crafty little bitch. She must have been sitting at the window, waiting to pounce the second Adore’s dim camping lantern turned on, because it was mere minutes before she was climbing up the ladder.

Adore shook her head. She should really have known better, should have just smoked in the dark.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Courtney demanded, once she was fully inside.

Adore scoffed, eyes rolling to the ceiling. At this point, she felt like it was all beyond explaining.

“It’s been over a week,” Courtney continued, voice thick with emotion. Adore avoided looking at her eyes, but it didn’t help--she knew even without looking that they’d be shining with tears. “I thought...I thought we weren’t gonna do that again.”

Adore sighed. She was right, of course. “I’m sorry. I just...I needed a break.”

“Why? A break from what? And for how long?”

“I...I don’t know.”

Courtney sniffled, asking, “Did I do something wrong?” Her voice was so small and sad and fucking pathetic, and it made Adore feel even guiltier than she did already.

“No. You didn’t. I’m sorry,” she sighed. “It’s hard to explain.”

Courtney seemed to accept that, nodding and wiping her eyes, sitting with her feet tucked under her. There was a pause, as she struggled to regain her composure.

“Did you get my texts?” Courtney then asked, chewing on her lip.

“Yup.” Adore took another hit, coughing slightly, resigned to hear all about the Roy drama, which she was sure wasn’t over. “So, what happened? Did you have a fight?”

“No, not really. We just kind of...well, I’ve been feeling like we were drifting apart for awhile, but I didn’t really want to admit it.”

It was news to Adore that they’d been drifting apart. They’d seemed just fine to her at prom. She supposed that maybe she didn’t know Courtney as well as she thought. It figured, given everything else that was going on.

“‘Cause I...I do love him. But, it’s not really fair to either of us to cling to a relationship just because it’s comfortable,” Courtney said, voice soft as she added, “Especially when I...spend so much time thinking about someone else.”

Adore’s head snapped up and she let out a short, incredulous huff. “You’re unbelievable.”

“What?”

“You’re already onto some other guy?” she asked, shaking her head.

“Wh-no. Other guy? What? How high are you?”

“You just said you’ve been thinking about someone else,” Adore said crossly.

“Yeah-”

“So, who is it? This fucking new guy you’re thinking about?”

Courtney blinked at her for several seconds before bursting out, “It’s you, you fucking idiot!”

“What...do you mean?” Adore’s mind reeled. She was stoned, and couldn’t fully trust her senses, because it sounded like Courtney was saying…

“I mean…”

Courtney paused, taking a deep breath, even closing her eyes briefly to center herself before she continued.

“I mean that I can’t stop thinking about you and wanting to be with you and…” Courtney wiped a tear from her eye. “And maybe it’s stupid, and maybe you’ll never like me back, but I love you.”

“Love me?” Adore still couldn’t allow herself to believe what Courtney was saying.

“Yes!” Courtney choked back a sob, adding, “I always have. Why do you look so surprised?”

Adore shook her head in stunned disbelief.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me before?” she whispered.

“I...I did! Over and over! What...are you talking about?”

Adore stared at her, unblinking, head still shaking slowly.

“I told you I love you so many times, Adore. All the time!”

“But...I thought...you meant like best friend love. Not like...love love,” Adore said carefully, voice breaking on the last word.

“There’s no difference!” Courtney cried hoarsely.

“Of course there is!” Adore retorted, suddenly extremely irritated. “There’s a big fucking difference!”

“Dory...I have been in love with you since...I don’t know, it feels like my whole life,” Courtney said, tears sliding down her cheeks. “And you’re my best friend. So I don’t...what’s the difference?”

Adore stared at her, the wheels in her head turning, gears grinding slowly until she finally started to comprehend what Courtney was saying.

“But...you’re straight.”

“Says who?”

“You. You said you weren’t gay,” Adore told her.

“When?” Courtney challenged.

“When we were freshman! Here! That time that Muriel told you that we were being inappropriate!”

“So...four years ago, when I was fourteen, I made one comment about not wanting to label myself, and that means that I’m straight forever?” Courtney shook her head, incredulous. “That I can never grow up and figure things out about myself? Seriously?”

“But...well…” Adore faltered. She had a point. But that meant that what she said, today, might be true. Adore’s mind reeled. “So you...love me? Like...”

“Yeah,” Courtney sniffled.

“And you’ve loved me for...a long time?”

“Forever. And...I know we probably should have had this conversation before but I thought...I was so scared that with one false move, I would lose you. Because you’ve cut me off before, without a discussion, without telling me why. And now it seems like you’re trying to do it again, and I didn’t ever want to risk that happening. So…” Courtney trailed off, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks. “So if you don’t want me, just tell me. But please, please don’t hate me. I can’t bear it.”

It was so perfectly absurd. So absolutely stupid. Adore covered her mouth to smother the giggles at first, but soon she couldn’t hide it, the laughter taking over until she was bent over, tears running down her cheeks. What the fucking fuck.

“Do you wanna let me in on the joke?” Courtney asked, arms crossed. Tears trickled down her face, which wore a hurt expression, clearly not understanding why Adore was laughing and taking it quite personally.

“Yeah, no,” Adore gasped for air, still laughing as she blurted out, “I love you too, have since forever, and it’s been killing me because I thought we could never be together...Jesus, we’re both such goddamn morons-”

“Wait. You do?” Courtney’s eyes went wide.

“Uh huh, so much. How could I not? Have you met you?” Adore said.

“Well that’s…” A smile finally broke through, pulling on Courtney’s mouth until a nervous, disbelieving laugh escaped.

“So fucking dumb, I know…” Adore wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist, a few residual giggles bubbling out before she pressed her lips together, looking deep into Courtney’s eyes for the first time all night.

Courtney gazed back at her, tears still wet on her cheeks, hands on her knees, chest rising and falling rapidly. She was smiling now, a bit self-consciously, biting on her bottom lip. She hesitated for half a second longer before lunging forward, grabbing fistfuls of Adore’s hair, unleashing years of pent-up passion and anxiety into one singular, perfect kiss.

They had kissed before, over the years, but never like this. There had always been a hesitation, a caveat, one of them holding back. This time, however, it was like diving off a cliff, finally letting go.

Adore’s fingers dug into her waist, pulling her closer, finally letting herself feel everything she’d always resisted. Welcoming the prickles on her skin, the tingling up her spine, the tightness in her abdomen. It was the highest high she’d ever had, and for Adore, that was saying a lot.

It was then, as they rolled over, that the ancient beanbag chair beneath them chose to self-destruct, a seam splitting, little tiny foam spheres bursting free.

“Oh shit! The chair is-”

“Who cares,” Adore murmured, rolling her back the other way, onto the hard wooden floor, going in for another kiss, the feel of Courtney’s bare legs against hers for once not a terrifying and anxiety-provoking experience.

Courtney giggled, returning the kiss with just as much enthusiasm, capturing Adore’s bottom lip between her teeth, coaxing out a breathy whimper as Adore arched forward.

Courtney lifted her head, dizzy with happiness, cupping Adore’s perfect round cheeks. She bit her kiss-swollen lip, giggling slightly. “Your lipstick is all over your face.”

Adore rested her forehead against Courtney’s, catching her breath, and replied, “It’s all over your face, too.”

“Good.” Unable to wipe the silly grin off her face, Courtney leaned in for another kiss, hands tangling into Adore’s hair, a thigh slipping between her legs.

She rolled Adore over onto her back, the movement making more of the bean bag chair spill out. The little foam balls were all around them, blowing around in the night breeze. Courtney felt like she was inside of a snowglobe--which was somehow fitting, because the idea of this moment being forever encapsulated was exactly what she wanted the most.

“Fuck,” Adore groaned, arching up against her. “You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed about this…”

“I probably do…” Courtney whispered. “‘Cause I have too…”

She moved her mouth to Adore’s neck, breathing in her scent as she placed a line of kisses down her throat.

“Court?”

“Yeah?”

Fingers gripped her waist, pushing her away slightly, and Courtney pulled away with a soft whimper.

“I just...think maybe we should talk about this. Before…”

“Okay.” Courtney rolled away, breathing heavily. After a few moments, she looked back at Adore. “What...do you want to talk about?”

“Well…” Adore paused. “I don’t know.”

“Do you not want to-”

“No! I mean...no, that’s not..” Adore closed her eyes, doing her best to compose herself, and Courtney took her hand, lacing their fingers together.

“There’s no rush, okay?”

Adore looked back at her, smiling slightly. “Well, we’ve already waited fucking forever.”

“Yeah…” Courtney brought Adore’s hand up to her mouth, brushing a kiss against her fingers.

“But I just, I want to know, like...what exactly is this for you? Are we gonna tell people? What do we say?”

“Well…” Courtney edged herself closer, wanting to feel Adore’s body against hers. “I definitely want to tell everyone. I want people to know how I feel about you.”

She brushed a lock of Adore’s hair away from her face, examining the solemn, almost disbelieving expression in her eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Courtney said. “Besides, everyone will see for themselves tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna jump me as I’m getting my diploma?”

“Maybe,” Courtney said, a mischievous smile curling her lips. “Would you be mad?”

“No. Although it might give Muriel a heart attack.”

“She’s had a lot of years to get used to the idea,” Courtney said. “Remember, she’s the one who clocked my crush on you to begin with.”

“Right...when you insisted that you weren’t gay!” Adore exclaimed, suddenly sitting up.

“Well, I didn’t know what I was. I was like...just a 14-year-old who suddenly had my whole family commenting on my sexual preferences. It was weird and embarrassing.”

“Right…”

“The truth is, Dory, I still don’t really know what I am. I guess...I guess I’m bi? But you guys are always saying that’s not a thing.” Courtney looked down, wishing for the billionth time that she was certain about who she was, that there was a way to describe her experience to make people understand.

“We just say that to fuck with Fame,” Adore explained.

“It kinda seems like you believe it.”

“You know what?” Adore shook her head. “You were right all along. Labels don’t matter. Let’s just...be us.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Courtney lunged forward again, wrapping Adore into the tightest hug imaginable, face buried in her hair. They stayed that way, sandwiched together, until Courtney noticed that Adore’s hands were sliding slowly up her back, under her top, and she lifted her head to ask boldly, “Wanna take it off?”

“Okay…” Adore replied softly, almost timidly. But she made no move to do it, so Courtney began to undo the buttons herself, watching Adore’s face.

They’d seen each other undressed, of course, so many times before. But this was decidedly different, and for a second, Adore looked uncomfortable. Until Courtney stopped, leaning in for a soft kiss.

“Hey…” she whispered, lips trailing over Adore’s jaw, then grazing her ear. “We can take things slow, you know.”

“But we’ve already-”

“I know.” Courtney pulled her close. “I know, it’s been ten years. But...not really.”

Adore bit her lip, letting out a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Courtney murmured, pressing a kiss to her cheek, “We have the rest of our lives. There’s no reason to hurry.”

At that, Adore finally smiled for real, the smile that never failed to make Courtney warm inside. She turned her head, capturing Courtney’s lips in another kiss, slow and tender.

It was strange to get used to, for Adore. It had been years since she shared a bed with Courtney without that hideously painful yearning, without feeling guilty and ashamed. For her part, Courtney seemed to adjust to their new normal almost instantly, kicking off her shorts and slipping into the sleeping bag with Adore, settling beside her with a sigh.

It wasn’t all that different from how they usually slept--legs intertwined, Courtney’s head on her shoulder. But this time, the warm breath tickling her neck didn’t make her feel trapped or overwhelmed. This time, she didn’t shy away from the press of Courtney’s thighs under the flannel lining. When Courtney’s lips gently grazed the underside of her jaw, she didn’t turn away.

And when Courtney murmured, “I love you,” into her skin, it no longer made her feel hopeless and bitter.

She turned towards her, eyes shining in the moonlight, and all she wanted was for this feeling, this closeness, to last forever.

“I love you too, Court.”

She received a beaming smile in return, and an excited, exuberant kiss that soon grew heated as their legs slid against each other’s under the covers. Earlier, she’d been hesitant and a bit insecure, worried that if they moved too fast, they’d regret it. Or that they wouldn’t be on the same page. Or, worst of all, that Courtney would change her mind, realize that she didn’t really like girls after all.

But looking at her now in the still of the night, seeing her glazed eyes and shallow breathing as Adore’s fingers trailed over her skin, she knew that wouldn’t happen. She knew that whatever this thing was between them was real, and suddenly she didn’t want to wait anymore.

Adore pushed Courtney onto her back, hands sliding up from her waist, pulling open the buttons of her top. She let her eyes wander over her body, saw her nipples tighten as her fingers skated around them. Courtney bit back a whimper as Adore lowered her head and took one of those stiff nipples into her mouth.

“Fuck,” Courtney gasped out, hands tightening in her hair, a broken moan leaving her as Adore began sucking harder. Her hips rolled against Adore’s, slow at first and then faster, desperate, and Adore couldn’t resist slipping a leg between her thighs, giving her something to grind against.

The sick, guilty feeling that always plagued Adore’s fantasies was slowly dissipating, helped by how very clearly Courtney wanted this, welcoming every touch with enthusiasm and a thrilling neediness.

She continued to kiss down her body, lingering on her soft lower belly, watching her hips rise, hands still tangled in her hair turning to fists.

“This what you want?” Adore asked softly, lips brushing lower, finger trailing along the edge of her panties.

“Mmhmm…” Courtney’s hips lifted higher.

Adore spread her legs, placed a kiss just inside her knee, then up her thigh, higher and higher. She paused again, fingers hooking into her underwear, but before she could begin sliding them down, Courtney groaned, forcing herself into a sitting position and taking her by the cheeks with both hands.

“Hey.” Thumbs stroked Adore’s face. “You know that this is...I mean it’s not just about this...right?”

Adore gazed up at her, offering a sweet and hopeful smile, and nodded. “Of course.”

“I mean...it’s us. And I…” Courtney kissed her again, soft as a feather. “I want you, but only if you’re okay with it.”

“I’m more than okay,” Adore promised, nuzzling against her face. “And I want you too. I really, really do.”

Courtney placed another kiss on her forehead before flopping backwards against the one good bean bag chair they were using as a makeshift pillow.

“Well, alright then. Have at it…” She punctuated her statement with a naughty smile, and Adore couldn’t help but giggle, because it was so her.

She cast her eyes down again, slipping her fingers into the sides of her panties. The familiarity of her scent was intoxicating.

“You ready?” Adore whispered, not missing the telltale rise of her hips as the hot breath ghosted against her.

“Yes, Dory, please…” Courtney whimpered.

It was that nickname, Dory, that finally did it for Adore. Made her feel like she was in exactly the right place with exactly the right person. The person who had been there all along, loving her fiercely and deeply even when Adore had felt her most lost and lonely. It erased any doubt that they might be making a mistake, any hesitation about taking this leap into the unknown.

Adore let her eyes close for a brief second, basking in the closeness, the beauty of this moment when it was all new, when everything shimmered with possibility.

And then, she jumped.

#rpdr fanfiction #tree house kisses #scorpio #veronica #adorney #adore delano #courtney act #lesbian au #high school au #angst #fluff #smut #(sort of)

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btssmutficslovingfan01 · 4 years

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Do Me

Summary: You hate each other but there’s something just so sexy about him.

Words: 4.9k

Pairing(s): Hoseok x (female) Reader, Slight Jin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: First Person POV, mature language, sexual humor, graphic sexual descriptions, the sex feels kinda real, reader doesn’t say it but it looks like she’s a virgin, mentions of open relationships, this entire story is literally a buildup to a gangbang also kinda badly written but that’s the charm

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He glared at me as I ran across the field, my shorts riding up my thighs and flashing him quite a bit of skin. I knew what he wanted, it was clear that he wanted to get me angry too.

Hoseok and I share a complicated relationship. He pushes, I pull. We’ve been at odds with each other since we met in ninth grade Algebra, as he was cocky since he knew he was the best looking boy in our grade. However, I never succumbed to his charms. I knew he was good looking, obviously, but he had a rotten attitude.

We became something like friends, since he was newly single and looking for a new girlfriend, and he naturally attached himself to me. Things were steady for a while but it changed after my 18th birthday. He had a girlfriend at the time and he opted to ditch my birthday party for her.

The next day when I went back to school, I confronted him and poured my heart out to him. He ended the conversation, telling me his true feelings,

“I would’ve come but I wasn’t free! We would’ve had a blast together.” He looked visibly hurt and I could feel my face burning up. I sighed, turning away from him and sitting down in my own desk as he continued staring at me with those ice-cold grey eyes.

He returned my attitude with his own sour mood, reverting back to his older, fuckboy self. I hated him passionately, saving my tears for another guy who deserved them. I started dating his best friend, ironically.

We had to force a mutual tolerance for each other, he had to grimace as I greeted him “hello” every day at lunch and whenever he left, we made conversation. It went a little something like this:

“So how was your day?”

“You and I will never be friends.”

“I just asked you how you were doing, geez.” And then we would go back to our phones, pretending like nothing happened as Danny returned.

We broke up a little over a month ago but something definitely changed between me and Hoseok again. We hated each other, but with every eye roll and glare, there was tension.

I couldn’t believe it, but every time he yelled in my face, I got wet. I started thinking of him whenever I masturbated, his lips on my clit, or his cock rubbing against my thighs, and how warm he’d feel against my cold skin.

I never told him about my fantasies, instead channeling all my anger at him, till it reached him directly.

Currently, we were in gym class and we haven’t said a word to each other. He slipped a note into my hand, just as we were about to go change. I read in his messy handwriting “Meet me in the boys locker room after everyone leaves.”

I waited, making sure there were no teachers or students in the proximity before sneaking into the boys locker room through the unlocked connected door that the teachers seemingly forgot to lock.

When I slipped into the room, Hoseok was half naked, wearing only his pants as he smirked in my direction. I grit my teeth seeing his cocky grin and wanting to slap him silly but also wanting to kiss those soft lips and run my fingers through his hair. The connection between us was an unexplainable one. I was angry at him, but at the same time I wanted to get railed by him.

“What do you want?” I hiss, as he backs me into a locker.

“Why do you think I asked you to meet me alone?”

“I don’t know...” He grunts, caging me against a wall as I suck in a deep breath, trying to control my wild heartbeat.

“Don’t play coy with me, missy.” I let out a sigh, rolling my eyes at him.

“You don’t scare me.”

“I was just gonna apologize.”

“For what?” When I turned back to look at him, he was inches away from me, his lips above mine. They were juicy and plump and I know I couldn’t resist any longer.

“For this,” He gives me the satisfaction of feeling those lips, his breath fanning across my face as the lights suddenly went out in the room and we were left in darkness. “Damn motion sensors. Now come on, let me take you home.” Normally I’d argue with him but I was too tired to put up a fight this time. Luckily since gym was the last class of the day, I could go straight home to shower. The school shower rooms would require me to shower and change all at the same time but going home would mean only showering and changing then taking a nap without worrying about classes afterwards.

“We’re here.” When I open my eyes after five minutes, Hoseok has pulled up in front of my house.

I thank him curtly before walking back home with my head hung low. What’s wrong with me? He waits for me to go inside before pulling back out the driveway and retreating to his own home.

As I laid in my bed recounting the days events, I wondered what the hell I was thinking, kissing him like that.

I touched my lips again, feeling the familiar warmth arise in my chest as I take in a deep breath. I pull the covers over me and I decided to sleep on it.

The next day isn’t much better. Hoseok hasn’t said a word to me and I haven’t really talked to him either. I finally swallowed my pride during lunch, approaching him with a heavy heart.

“You know, it’s funny that we...yesterday...” Suddenly I can’t seem to find the words after looking into his deep grey eyes. He looks a lot more different today.

“Can we forget about it? I screwed up,” He sighs as I lean against the window next to me, watching him curiously as he turns to me with a red apple in hand. “I only asked you to meet me yesterday so we could talk about the elephant in the room.”

“Which might be...?” I urge him to continue but he just grunted before kicking the wall behind him and avoiding my gaze once more.

“Just drop it.” I step in front of him, blocking him from running away. He looked up at me with those same eyes which get me every time, and all was lost again.

“Tell me, what did you really want to talk to me about?” He clenched his jaw, leaning in close, lips only millimeters away from my mouth.

“I want you.” I surprised myself by what I said next.

“Then come get me.” I walked away without saying much else, impressing myself with how bold I acted with Hoseok, my sworn enemy. Furthermore, was he seriously courting me? We hate each other. I don’t understand why he’s intent on getting into my pants. His hands probably don’t satisfy him anymore.

“What’s up with you?” One friend of mine asks as I walk back to the lunch table empty handed.

“Hoseok.” I reply with a small smile.

“I thought you guys weren’t friends anymore. What did he want?” She asks, not really prying but still interested enough to ask.

“Homework, or something like that.”

“Oh my god, speaking of homework, earlier this boy in my physics class said something sexist.”

“What did he say?” Judging by her tone, he really pissed her off.

“He said us girls are like homework, guys just do us.” I raise an eyebrow, shaking my head in disbelief.

“Wow, he said that?”

“Yeah. And he’s not just any guy, he’s a freshman, his name was Jungkook.” I slap a hand on my cheek in shock.

“The basketball player who got into the varsity team after trying out?”

“That’s the one.” She chatters on about how annoying he acts and then moves onto her boyfriend, Jin. He’s handsome, smart, and very charming. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’s gay but he has dispelled the rumors himself. He was seen kissing a guy at a rave but he denied everything and said he was experimenting.

Jin is an interesting character, but even so he’s too good to be true. Much better than Hoseok, that’s for sure.

“Hey Y/N.” He makes his way over to me after his girlfriend leaves to go buy a parfait.

“Hi Jin.” I wave at him, not keeping my gaze on him any longer than I should. It would be highly inappropriate if I showed more interest in my friend’s boyfriend, especially since he was a known player.

“So I was planning on throwing a little after party for the team this weekend, and I was wondering if you would come?” I shrug as his lips curl up into an attractive smile. My heart is racing at the speed of light, but I didn’t want to lose my cool in front of him just yet.

“What’s in it for me?”

“I could introduce you to some of my friends. You’re a pretty girl, and I’m sure you get asked out all the time. It’s a shame you’re single, though.” I cross my arms as he flatters me, sitting on the edge of my seat as this gut feeling tells me to run away. I don’t want to run, there is nothing threatening about Jin in the slightest. I’m just intimidated.

“Okay, sure.” So maybe things didn’t go as planned. If things go well enough at the party, on the upside I could end up meeting the love of my life.

“I’ll ask Bae to send you the details.”

“Hey.” He stands in front of me, sweat dripping off his forehead as he dabs his face with a towel.

“Hey yourself.” I give Hoseok a forced smile before walking over to the cooler to refill my water bottle.

“Spring ended pretty quickly, didn’t it?” He tries to keep the conversation going but I’m too focused on the game to care.

“I guess. Oh, the other team made it!”

“You like basketball?” He scans the boys first before turning back to me.

“It’s fun. What’s it to you? Aren’t you supposed to be running track?”

“I am, well I was. It started raining outside and coach made us run laps around the gym section. Yep, I ran 103 laps.” I smirk, pulling his towel off his shoulder.

“You might want to get back in there. I can already hear the coach screaming for you to get back to the upper gym.” His nose scrunches up as he looks at his watch in disdain.

“Oh shit, I was supposed to be there like 5 minutes ago. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye.” I wave him off, tossing the towel into the nearest laundry bin I could find.

After the basketball team wins with a solid 21 points in the lead, we all head down to Jin’s house to celebrate. It felt awkward at first, since I was invited by Jin but he was hanging out with his girlfriend the entire time and I was third wheeling, but by the time I had the fourth drink, it was perfect.

Jin’s hand is on my shoulder as I tell him things that people with only crude humor understand, and while Bae was busy in the bathroom, I got introduced to Jungkook, the star player and his equally bitchy girlfriend, Raini.

“Hey guys, it’s been a long day but I think we ought to play some 7 minutes in heaven, don’t you think?” I hold up my coke can as one of the players makes a suggestion.

“Wait, aren’t some of you guys in relationships?” Raini and Bae have similar reactions, as they step forward out of the small crowd of people, sitting by my side while stroking my hair (and making me uncomfortable if I might add) and complimenting my lip tint.

“We’re both in open relationships, me and my boyfriend are like this so we won’t let anything like sex get in the way of our romance.” I scratch my head as Raini puts her fingers together, not really reassuring me since her nails were longer than my legs and she clearly didn’t give a fuck about who her boyfriend was sticking his cock inside.

“I’m not in a relationship, but I do know that if I was it would probably be closed.” I lunge forward, catapulting myself off the couch as I try running anywhere they aren’t. These girls are intimidating, they aren’t ashamed of their sexual ambitions and they were open to anything. Whereas, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a boy in bed. Sex makes me flustered, what can I say?

“Hey, where are you going cutie? The party’s barely started.” Jungkook suddenly had his arms around me, his body stinking of cologne and sweat. I expected a citrus scent from him since that’s what all the girls who slept with him said but instead I was met with a nasty odor that clogged up my nose.

“Jungkook, stop being such a dick. Can’t you see she doesn’t want to hang out with you?” When I met eyes with Hoseok again, I knew I couldn’t let him go again. I need to have him at my fingertips, preferably under me because I wanted to take control. I want to do to him what he did to me.

“Oh sorry man, didn’t know she was your girl. I was under the impression that you two hated each other,” Jungkook stares straight ahead, searching his eyes for an answer. When Hoseok grips my hand and I don’t say a word, Jungkook backs away. “Alright, be that way. Just don’t come bitchin’ to me when she messes up your shit again.” Jungkook pushed past Hoseok as I stood behind him, pondering what he could have possibly meant by me “messing his shit up.” He might have liked me in the past. Just when I thought I had him all figured out, he goes and pulls this on me.

“Hoseok, wait,” I stop him before he tries walking away. “What did Jungkook mean?”

“I don’t have time for this.” He sighs, trying to push past me as I block the way again.

“Please tell me the truth.”

“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” My heart stops when he closes in on me, kissing me softly as I sigh into his lips.

“That’s all, isn’t it? Tell me, do you feel the same way I do?” I ask as we break the kiss.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He gives me a heart-shaped smile, pulling me into an empty bedroom. He kissed me with more passion this time, his lips practically glued to mine as he pushed me down on the bed. He crawls over me, trapping my body with his. I want this. I feel every fiber of my being heat up with lust, all because of him. Why does he have to be so freaking sexy? “Are you sure about this?” He asks as I pull off my top and kick off my pants. Lips parted as he stared at me in awe, he waited for me to answer. He already had his shirt off, so I had trouble concentrating on what he had to say because he looked yummy.

“Yes.” I pull him down on top of me for a kiss, gasping a bit from the bone crushing weight of his torso as he rests his body on mine momentarily.

“Sorry, almost blacked out there for a second.” He smirks at me as I shake my head.

“It’s no problem, princess.” He nips my lower lip slightly before moving down to my neck, leaving kisses as he tosses my bra aside.

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” I smacked my lips together, giggling as my lip gloss was smeared all over his face from our sloppy kisses. I feel a string of saliva dribble down my chin as he unbuckles his pants.

“Can I suck you off first?” I feel shy all of a sudden, and considering that I was more naked than he was at the moment, it doesn’t really add up.

“Of course, sweetheart,” His eyes wander down my figure as I crawl to the edge of the bed, blushing as I see his hard-on. “Now don’t go getting all shy on me, babe. Why don’t you start by opening your mouth and you can suck the tip first?” The tip, right. I was completely inexperienced with anything sex-related. Hoseok gently caressed my hair, sucking in a breath as I brought my lips down and closed my mouth around his shaft, slowly falling into a rhythm as he parts his lips, rocking his hips forward, now thrusting his hard cock into my mouth every once in a while, the head twitching and jerking with Hoseok’s spasms.

“Shit,” He groans, watching me as I gag a bit on his dick. My ear throat burns but an overwhelming feeling of lust clouds my vision. I made him weak. “You’re so good at this, baby,” I continue sucking his cock, taking him deeper in my mouth once I get the hang of it. I was bobbing my head up and down in a repetitive motion, watching him with wondrous eyes as he releases the most delicious noises. I feel more dominant, reducing the Hoseok Jung into nothing more but a moaning mess of pleasure. “Move further down, the base...ahhhh that’s more like it.”

“Are you cumming?” I giggle as he rolls his hips forward, feeling my head between his legs as gently as possible.

“If you keep at it, yeah. I will.”

“In my mouth?” His jaw drops open as I pout, looking up at him with a twinkle of mischief in my eyes.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I just thought—”

“I was kidding. But I’m not a fan of the taste.” I smack my lips, managing to swallow a bit of the residue.

“Same here. I think cum tastes disgusting but eating pussy is what I’m best at.” I raise a brow at him as he starts bragging about his skill. There he goes again, gloating about something in my face as we’re in the middle of a moment. It’s ridiculous, he just won’t stop being annoying. So, I decided to amp up my game. Feeling the lightbulb go off above my head, I look up at him as his dick goes limp in my hands.

“Quiet. Why don’t you do something useful with your mouth for once in your life and just get on your knees, bitch?” He winced, giving me that look most boys give me when I’ve said something outrageous. I might have gone overboard with calling him a bitch, but as far as insults go, it’s not my worst.

“Whoa, you could’ve said it nicely. If you wanna get eaten out, all you gotta do is ask, baby.” I smirk, pushing my thighs together as Hoseok reaches down to grab my throbbing clit.

“Don’t call me “baby.” I’m not yours, I’m my own person,” He yanks his hand free, staring at my clear fluids coating his fingertips as I cross my legs. “I guess the toy became the player. Come here.”

“What’s up with you?” Hoseok asks as he crawls between my legs.

“I was just trying something but I didn’t like it. Got me feeling tight.” Hoseok lets out a chuckle as I tell him what was bugging me earlier.

“That’s a good feeling. It means you’re enjoying yourself.”

“No, it’s not. I called you a bitch and disrespected you by calling you a player. I’m sorry that I’m like this.”

“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” His soft voice makes my heart flutter. He’s speaking to me in such a soothing voice and with a buttery tone that just makes me want to suck his cock all day. Damn, I’m horny.

“I just want this to be perfect, for both of us.”

“It’s already perfect.” He kisses the back of my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine after. Our palms were sweaty and sticky, and my breath smells nasty. I should have brought some gum.

“Please continue. I won’t stop you,” We share a smile as Hoseok brings his tongue down to lick my clit, finally reaching my bud as he kisses my pussy with the utmost care. He makes sure not to accidentally bite me, his lips massaging my heat as pleasure overtakes me and I feel a strange sensation like I’m about to explode. But it’s not like peeing, it just feels very good.

“Hoseok!” I call out his name once as he slurps me up with his pink tongue, now with his lips barely even grazing the surface, as his tongue does most of the work, from the inside. I can feel him, my nipples hardened the moment his mouth touched my pussy. I felt close. Whatever that meant. When I started tensing up, instead of stopping me, he started rubbing his nose against my pussy, thrusting his slick tongue into me at a quick pace. “I’m gonna cum!” I cry as his tongue dances across my labia, and I gasp out of shock and relief after the cum spews all over his face.

A knock on the door interrupts us as Hoseok pulls away from my wet heat and he gets up, sighing as I cover myself with the blankets, still recovering from the mind-blowing orgasm.

“You can’t be up here. I get that you’re trying to enjoy the moment but my sheets are new and I’d rather not put them in the laundry right away.”

“I didn’t think you’d kill the mood so quickly, Jin,” Hoseok seems to have a silent stare down with the boy as he stands at the doorway, peering into the room with prying eyes. “I’ll be back.” Hoseok tells me, shutting the door and stepping out in nothing but his boxers.

It was getting cold, without his warmth and pleasurable tongue disappearing between my folds once again as promised.

“What took you so long?” I ask when he finally comes back after 10 minutes.

“Sorry. Just needed to sort some stuff out with the boys.”

“What?”

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter now. Jin said he’s okay with us doing it on his bed.”

“Well now I just feel bad. Come on, at least fuck me on the rug.” Hoseok smirks as I lower my ass to the ground, leaning forward as he gets behind me.

“If you’re sure about this…”

“What are you talking about? My ass is literally—Oh, OH.” I choke back my tears as he splits my pussy in half. I felt an excruciating pain first before I was wet enough to the point where he could slide right in.

“Fuck yes.” Hoseok’s sloppy thrusts get smoother over time as I loosen up, it feels more amazing as he fucks me harshly, his testes slapping against my ass and all. I felt my core clench all of a sudden, and an all-too familiar feeling creeping up on me again.

“Hobi…”

“I know, baby.” He gropes my boobs as he kisses my neck, sliding his warm hands down my entire body as I bounce back on his dick from an odd angle. He was currently holding my arms back, like reigns as I used gravity to propel myself back on his dick and he pushed his body forward to collide with mine. Our skin made a hard clapping sound, like how skin sounds when you smack it really hard or something.

“I’m a little sore now, fuck my life.” I curse as the back of my thighs clench from being smacked against Hoseok’s toned ones. This man has some rock hard muscles.

“That’s a little ironic, considering that I’m actually fucking you right now.”

“Hoseok, I’m actually in pain, can't you just help me out just this once?” He sighs, pulling out of me as I moan from the sudden loss of his dick. Who knew I was such a whore for cock?

“Get on the bed.”

⚠️

When I saw him for the first time after our lustful tousle in Jin’s bedroom, he evaded my gaze. I took things in my own hands by texting him to meet me in the locker room after everyone left. I had my doubts at first, but after I heard the heavy footsteps, I felt reassured.

Hoseok was avoiding me.

“What’s your deal?” I ask as he rubs his neck, sweat dripping down his forehead despite him having showered and smelling daisy fresh.

“I dunno.” He avoids my gaze again, and finally losing my last nerve, I slam him against the lockers, just like he did to me when we were first in here.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Hoseok. I don’t appreciate when guys fuck me and then leave me hanging the next day at school. We’re friends, right? What’s got you so shaken up?”

“It’s the...agreement I made with Jin.” I keep my arms on either side of him as he gulps anxiously, his Adam’s apple shining as he swallows his saliva.

“What’s the agreement about?”

“He asked me...for a turn.” I back away from him, dropping my arm back to my side.

“So you agreed to pimp me out just to fuck me in Jin’s bed?”

“No, I was gonna take it back but he said that I can’t go back on my word or he would tell everyone that we were..” Hoseok sounded ashamed. He didn’t want any rumors of us and the worst part is that he didn’t even tell me about this stupid deal.

“You know what, this isn’t your problem anymore.”

“What?” He asks as I pick up my bag.

“If you’re embarrassed of me I’ll just go fuck your friends. At least they aren’t afraid of a little pussy.”

“I’m not afraid! And how are you gonna do that? You were extremely shy with me.” He folds his arms, expecting me to run back to him. But I won’t give him the satisfaction, oh no. I’m going to do as I said and fuck Jin. Bae said she was in an open relationship with him anyways, so it doesn’t matter.

“Watch me. You’re totally invited, but I won’t be sucking your dick along with theirs.” I leave him alone in the locker room, taking a pack of gum with me before meeting up with Jin.

“Hey you, I just wanted you to meet the boys before we got started. And in case you want to see any tests we’re all clean and everything is back at Jungkook’s place. His parents own this cool pool house which is five times bigger than my entire house and you’ve been there before so it’s safe to say that you’ll be in good hands.” Jin puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk out to his car.

“Will Hoseok be there too?”

“Yep, and just so he doesn’t break the no-touching rule, we’re tying his arms behind his back and only letting him out to use the bathroom and stroke his dick. It’s gonna be painful!”

“Sweet. What about the ceiling silks, and rope bounds, gag balls?” I ask.

“Whoa, slow down. We’re not going full BDSM, just some aspects,” I raise an eyebrow at Jin. “Not in front of the whole school, freaky nerd girl.”

“Could a nerd do this in public?” I place my leg strategically between his legs, resting it on his hardening cock as he groans, blushing a bright red as students passing by whisper and laugh at him as he nearly cums in his pants.

“Okay, release, release! Sorry for calling you a nerd. You’re actually pretty cool, Princess.” I giggle, surprising him with my boldness as I did something so rash in public. After having sex with Hoseok, it’s safe to say that I’m a changed woman.

“Hey!” I say in a warning tone. “Call me that again.” He smirks at me with a familiar look on his face. As we walked off together, Hoseok watched us and when he thought I wasn’t watching, Jin gave him the middle finger. Looks like I stumbled into the middle of something I wasn’t supposed to know about.

End Note: Read second part here

#hoseok x reader #fuckboy hobi #Smut #bts #bts hoseok #hoseok smut #hoseok fanfic #jhope x reader #jhopeff #bts fanfiction #hoseok imagine #seokjin #jin #jungkook #bts jhope

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bottleofspilledink · 4 years

Text

God’s Watching, Put on a Show || Chapter XI

The air was cool and crisp, blowing by her and carrying with it the lingering scent of teenage rebellion and the joy that was momentary liberation. Her feet moved swiftly as she waded through waist-high grass, it’s dew caressing the sliver of skin between the end of her pant leg and her sneakers.

The long walk over to the partly hidden, run-down shack they had made their hideout gave her time to think, mind wandering, thoughts racing. And yet, the thirty minutes she walked wasn’t enough for her to sort said thoughts, not enough to know what to do with them, anyways.

She was excited. Who wouldn’t be giddy if something they had waited on for a year now was coming closer with every day, with every passing second, with every step?

Under that, though, there was a sense of dread, Lilith instinctually doubting all the good that was happening to her. Again, I ask, who wouldn’t doubt all the great things that came to them if it were drilled into them everyday that they simply weren’t deserving of it, too sinful to be worthy of anything other than guilt and scorn?

And even deeper than the dread, there was fear.

What if there wasn’t enough money? While Colette’s parents had told her to expect about a few hundred thousands, it was a known fact to all of them that because they were the ones to set the fund up, they could access, and consequently take, money from it as they wished.

What if there was no money at all? Colette not being granted access to her trust fund for some superficial reason was always a real, daunting possibility, leaving her as the one the whole group would have to rely on.

Lilith arrived at their hideaway, almost hesitant to knock at the door, fearing what she could find inside it. This was the one of the two nights that would determine their future. Should she not fear or fret, to a certain extent, that something could go wrong?

Regardless, she soldiered on and knocked.

“Who’s there?” Asked Joan, voice wary and gruff, a slight creak coming from her end probably due to her leaning on the door to make sure no one who wasn’t supposed to get in was able to.

“It’s me.”

The girl’s response was the clicking and clacking of deadbolts before swinging the door open and ushering Lilith inside. It was an unspoken, sorrowful truth the five of them shared, that all the locks they’d placed on the shack weren’t a mere sign to others looking for a place to hang out that it was taken, but an unfortunate, and necessary precaution they had to take due to the simple fact that they were them, that they were gay.

It was so that – if it ever came to it – they could buy themselves a few seconds more.

To hide what they had to, be it alcohol or forbidden books or money.

To come up with a lie, unconvincing as it may be.

To say their dreaded, tearful goodbyes to one another before the inevitable consequence for being them came to claim them.

They wouldn’t have to worry about that for much longer, though. Not if tonight went well. They would never have to worry about it again.

“Where are the others?” She looked around the space they’d made their own, devoid of people save for her and Joan. The time they’d agreed on drew closer and worry slowly made it’s way into the cavity of her chest that seemed to exist for such unpleasantness alone, the part of her she didn’t want, that ever constant fear.

Maybe it would go away once they were out of this town. She hoped it would.

In a better world, she wouldn’t have to feel like this to begin with.

She tried not to think of that too much.

“They came here, pooled together ten bucks, and went back out to buy a pack of cupcakes and a candle for Colette.”

Relief flushed out most of the concern and Lilith allowed herself to plop down on one of the beanbag chairs they got for relatively cheap at a yard sale.

“What about Colette?”

“She’s not here yet,” Joan said, sitting in a near-identical chair from across her, wiggling a bit to try and get comfortable, legs shifting constantly, much more accustomed to the hardwood floor.

“And you guys are sure she’s back from her trip?”

The girl stood up took to leaning on the door again after hearing rustling from outside.

“God, I hope so. It’d be a waste of cash if not.” The girl stood up took to leaning on the door again after hearing rustling from outside. “She said she’d be back on the twentieth.”

A series of knocks came from the other side, panicked, frantic.

“Open up! Colette’s almost here!”

The familiar clinking of metal reverberated around the shack once more, the two girls coming in not even a second after.

“What’s with all the rush?” Joan locked the door once more despite knowing their friend drew nearer by the second. Better safe than sorry. “Doesn’t she know we’re waiting for her?”

Paula gave her no mind, instead sticking a small, pastel blue candle atop one of the cupcakes.

“Joan, dear, your lighter.” She held her palm out, expectant, Joan fished it out from her pocket and passed it over. If Paula wanted to surprise Colette, she might as well indulge her.

Meanwhile, Julia took a lacy tablecloth she had smuggled away from her house during laundry day and smoothed it over the wood of the table, she got the remaining cupcakes from the box, putting them on top of the soft fabric in a short line, careful, making sure none of them touched.

They handed stripped, sparkly party hats to Lilith and Joan, leaving the only one with a small pompom atop it on the table, for Colette.

The set up was modest, intimate, even nostalgic in a sense.

It looked like a child’s tea party. Food just enough for the five who were coming, the silly party favors, the simple decor that could hardly be considered such. All they needed now was a few plastic cups, a teddy bear, perhaps a tutu, and they were good to go.

There was a second after everything was set up before Colette came knocking.

“Guess who’s back from the Bahamas?”

Hushed, excited whispers came from them before they giggled and let her in.

The creak of the door was drowned out by the party horn that Paula had bought.

“Happy birthday!”

“Holy shit, thanks, but I need to tell you guys that those hats make you look like Christmas elves!”

The giggles they had momentarily stifled returned when Lilith put one of said hat on Colette, playfully tugging a strand of her sand coloured hair along the way.

“Then you’re an elf too!”

They cackled and squealed as Colette screamed bloody murder, exaggerated and theatrical.

Julia then held out the cupcake for the girl as the laughter died down and they sang for her, jolly, off-key, filled with love.

“Happy birthday to you!”

They were acting like teenagers. Carefree, joking, happy.

Granted, they were teenagers.

It just wasn’t very often that they felt like one.

“Happy birthday to you!”

As they sang, jovial, unselfconscious of their pitch and tone, Lilith felt all the misery of the day’s happening fade, giving way for their merriment and warmth.

She felt safe.

She felt comfortable.

She felt loved, unconditionally, by this group of misfits, her friends.

Her family.

“Happy birthday, dear Colette!”

There was happiness in the very air they breathed tonight. It wasn’t something they felt often especially nowadays, this sort of infectious joy, this infrequent, sought after euphoria. And yet they basked in it now, fueled by each other’s warmth, feeding off of each other’s joy. This rare, coveted high they had so little of, but shared nonetheless.

“Happy birthday to you!” The final notes were dragged out to a comical extent, punctuated by guffaws and giggles, laughter and lack of breath halting it.

Lilith wished, as Colette blew out the candles and made hers, that the song could have kept going.

She wished her lungs would grow as if they were pufferfish so they could continue that final note til the end of time.

She wished that tonight would never end.

She wished for an eternal, permanent happiness, for all of them.

They settled down after the song, eating cupcakes as they chatted, asking Colette about her trip.

“There were a ton of cute girl in bikinis,” She said in between bites, a bit of green frosting smeared on her pale, chubby cheek. “You guys should come with me on my next trip!”

“Sure, lemme just pull some cash out of my ass and we can fly there on a private jet when Christmas break hits,” Joan cackled, crumpling the polka-dotted wrapper of her cupcake, slightly jostling Paula who sat in her lap.

“Okay, but speaking of money…”

Reminders of their other reason for being here effectively put a damper on everyone’s mood except Colette, who from her skirt pocket took out a crisp, pristine check.

“Will five hundred thousand be enough for us?” She smirked, sliding across the cloth covered table.

The rest of the girl shared glances, incredulous.

“Holy shit.” Julia said, the first to break the for once not terrible silence.

The sentiment was echoed and they all cheered, hugging and crying and hopeful, Colette in the middle of it all, receiving thanks and cheek kisses and hair ruffles, all of them getting pulled down from each other’s weight but refusing to let go, the girls now in a giddy pile on the hardwood floor.

“Well, that was at least nine tons off my shoulders…” The blonde said, finally being released from the tight hug, breathless, short, wheezing laughs coming from all of them as they lay unmoving, tired but happy.

None of them bothered to get up, content to lay on the floor, on each other.

They talked about the future, what they needed to do to reach it, what they wanted to do once they graduated and left town, some serious, some silly, some plans mixed in with some wishful thinking.

“I’m gonna shave all my hair off right after graduation.” Joan declared, flat on her back, eyes fixed to a certain point in the ceiling where the colour of the wood became lighter, large hands holding Paula’s dark ones.

“Yeah?” The voice was Julia’s, but Lilith couldn’t see her, the girl probably above her, just outside her peripherals along with Colette.

“Yeah! I’m not even gonna wait til we get to San Fran. We can just shave it off in the back of my pick-up truck and huck it at whatever car passes us.”

This earned a snicker from the girls, some of them adding what they’d do if whoever they threw it at decided to pursue them, coming up with outlandish excuses for what to tell the cops ranging from ridiculous ones like “she was shedding” and “the wind just blew it away” to outright slander against whoever the hair hit like “they were following us so we tried to throw them off” and “they actually tried to throw that at us, but it backfired.”

“In all seriousness though, we are not cutting your hair while the truck is running. I don’t want my girlfriend ending up with scissors in her skull.” Paula flipped herself over to lay on her stomach and reached over to twirl a lock of Joan’s hair, not caring enough to prop her body up, letting her cheek press against the ground while the others burst into laughter at the mere mention of scissors.

“We chop it off at some gas station bathroom or we wait til we pull over somewhere to camp for the night and do it there.”

“Aww…” They all lamented the loss of a prank before Colette spoke up.

“We can still chuck it at someone if we braid what we can, cut that off, and shave the rest. Then we can hang the braid from a tree and scare hikers!”

“Hell yes!”

The question of what they wanted to do the moment after graduation made it’s way around the circle, the answers varying from things like “take a nap” to “get wasted” and “yeah, getting wasted sounds good!”

“Hey, Lilith! You’ve been hella quiet, dude.” Julia coaxes from somewhere in the room. “C’mon! tell us about whatever the fuck you feel like doing!”

“Hmm… I think I’m gonna give my grandpa the middle finger and fuck his study up,” She nods to herself, the others made her carry on, telling her to stick it to the man and too count them in with her.

“Yeah!” Lilith laughed, throwing her head back as much as the floor beneath her would allow, adrenaline rushing through her at the mere thought of getting back at the man who had made her life a living hell. “I’m gonna get a knife and just stab his armchair and straight up vandalize all his books and smash that stupid paperweight on his desk!”

The girls cheered and jeered, shouting curses at the man and his bald spot and his cock, joking about everything from erectile disfunction to micro-penises til they devolved into fits of manic, belittling laughter.

From there, they bounced from topic to topic, though they always drifted back to thoughts of tomorrow. It was what made life worth living after all, at least for them.

The sights of the city, the courses they wanted to take, possible part-time jobs, the girls they hoped to meet. (Or at least, the single ones did. Joan and Paula added to this by suggesting cute places where they could go to on dates.)

Eventually though, the question was asked.

“So, anything interesting happen while I was out.”

Lilith could immediately tell that those who could see her from the corner of their eyes were staring, leaving her to recount the week’s events.

She sighed, long and loud and long.

“Buckle up. This gets shitty and it gets shitty fast.”

…

It took a good hour and a half to get through everything, the occasional comments from Joan and Julia not very helpful in keeping it short.

“So, let me get this straight-”

“We’re not!” Julia cut Colette off, giving Joan a high-five while the rest of them groaned.

“As I was saying, in the two weeks that I was gone,” she took a deep breath and spoke again, “Lilith started a fire and met a girl and fell in love and told the girl that she started it because she felt bad about fucking sandwiches also the girl is gay and can’t cope with it, which is why when you almost kissed, like, five days after you met, she freaked out and cried and threatened to blackmail you if you told anyone about what happened, then proceeded to act like nothing happened literally this morning and freaked out again cause she saw your boobs and again, couldn’t cope and had a panic attack during lunch and is now actively rebelling against her mother.”

“I wouldn’t say the panic attack and maybe gay realization and acceptance happened cause of Lilith’s hotness, but like, cause we human?” Paula interjected, still somewhat puzzled on how to put all the admittedly intense happening into words, but being the only one with Eve during the majority of her breakdown, the burden fell to her. “I think she saw how the fact we were lesbians doesn’t change how we’re human and how we weren’t evil like what some sermon taught her or something and had a crisis of faith because of it.”

Colette and Julia, who hadn’t been able to hear this part of the story earlier, stood in stunned silence, jaws dropped, socks knocked off.

“Oh wow. Well, that was…”

“A lot?”

“A mood killer?”

“A really bitchy thing to do?”

“All of the above.”

Lilith only shrugged, the “I-told-you-so” more implied than anything.

The night was drawing to a close, the girls knowing and dreading that soon, eventually, in the next thirty minutes, they’d have to go home.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. They’ll turn the lampposts off at three and it’s not safe out without it.”

“Okay, but one last question, is this girl on our side now or what? I mean, we already know she won’t tell anyone we’re gay cause then Lilith could just tell them that she’s gay too, but is she one of us now?”

They exchanged glances before reaching a unanimous “no.”

“She could be, though. If she apologizes for being a dick and accepts the fact she’s gay, all our problems with her are gone.” Joan added, albeit rather begrudging.

The girls nodded, agreeing once more. They felt sorry for her, yes, especially since they all knew what it was like to be in Eve’s place, but it was no excuse.

With those final statements filled with pity, the night was over.

Dusting themselves off, they sat up slowly and stood on wobbly, somewhat numb legs, they helped each other up, some being pulled to their feet, some leaning on other’s for support. Even when their legs didn’t feel like that of a newborn deer’s, their movements were sluggish. No one wanted the night to end, not even Paula, the one who suggested it. They wanted to stay here and sleep and cuddle and feel safe with each other. But so many good things had already happened that night, and no one wanted to push their luck and potentially jeopardize the plan by getting caught.

They left silently, not a single goodbye uttered, not so much as a wave given.

It was probably for the better.

Lilith knew she’d end up in tears if they had to vocalize their parting. It wasn’t like the other nights where they themselves knew that they had not the means to leave, no matter how much they wanted to. This was different. They enough money to leave whenever they wanted, the only things keeping them back were themselves.

She tried not to dwell on it during the walk home, mind shutting off all internal debates about whether it was sadder to be locked up with no choice or to willingly stay, making what was once a cage you were forced in to that of your own.

Instead, she remembered her friends’ echoing laughter, the familial warmth of their company, memories made not even an hour earlier already filtered with fondness and tinted with nostalgia.

It only served to accentuate her sorrow.

_____________________________

Taglist: @anon-nom-nom95 @leahstypewriter @madame-ree @phillyinthebathroom @melpomenismask @littlemisscalamity @gaypeaches @pirateofblood @i-wanna-be-a-rock @extrabitterbrain

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cravingmarvel · 4 years

Text

Roman Nightmare - brullo [3]

Pairing: Mob!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Warnings: A little stalking behaviour, deception of unfaithfulness

Summary: It all started with a hook up, then another one and then Bucky was done for. He fell in love headfirst, no warning and no end to it anytime soon. But Y/n has a boyfriend and a secret and a wedding to go to in Rome. Despite giving him enough reasons to stay away, the two of you are like magnets, always finding their way to each other, wanted or not.

Have fun reading!

Chapter Three - brullo

Y/n’s alarm went off at nine in the morning sharp, but while her phone was peacefully chiming, she rolled over onto her stomach groaning loudly. Y/n had forgotten she agreed to lunch with Harry and after the night she had, it turned out to be even more difficult getting out of her warm bed.

Y/n turned the alarm off cursing herself for waking up later than she wanted to, dismissing all the other alarms in hopes to rest more. She stared at her phone reading the mass number of messages she received in her slumber. Her friends asking how her night was after explaining that Chelsea threw up on the side of the street.

Y/n laughed to herself replying to the messages. She received a few texts from Harry, asking if she’s ready or not.

She dragged herself out of bed, getting ready as quick as possible and so she was out the door, down two flights of stairs and knocking on Harry’s apartment. He opened the door with a wide smile on his face, y/n couldn’t miss the golden tan he had gotten from his vacation. Y/n stepped forward hugging him tightly, whispering ‘missed you’ in his ear.

She entered his apartment and the mess that came with it. Clothes scattered everywhere; his suitcase thrown onto the couch. Y/n watched as Harry collected different items from the floor. His light brown hair had gotten a lot lighter over the time he spent abroad, a few highlights in the front. Harry sure is an attractive man, broad shoulders, eyes dark brown but golden when the light shines through them at a certain angle. He really is attractive. But also, gay.

“How’s Jack?” Y/n took a few steps around the living room.

“Good, we were so busy with wedding planning that I feel like I couldn’t relax properly.” Harry spoke from a room over. “He’s staying in Monaco for the next few days visiting his aunt, then he’s coming back to Manhattan.” Harry re-emerged into the living room, ready to leave.

“Got everything?” Y/n asked, and Harry nodded. “Ok, let’s go.”

“I should warn you,” Harry locked the door and walked down the stairs next to Y/n. “My mom’s coming too.”

“What?”

Harry and Y/n arrived at the restaurant, spotting Tamara – Harry’s mother – instantly. She stood next to the table, her Pomeranian laying next to her feet. They greeted her with a hug and sat down to order their lunch.

Harry took Y/n’s hand on the table smiling at her as the conversation flowed. Tamara smiling ever so brightly at her son. “How was Rome?” She asked.

“It was wonderful, I met up with my friend Jack and he showed me all the places tourists usually never see and the food, ugh, amazing.”

Y/n couldn’t help but giggle, knowing full well what happened in Italy. She squeezed his hand unaware of Bucky sitting two tables away from the three.

Bucky watched curiously as she looked at Harry with loving eyes, unsure of what to make of the sight in front of him. Was it anger? No. Hurt? Maybe. But Bucky wasn’t ready to admit it. The only logical thing his brain could come up with, was getting up and walking towards the three.

“What a surprise to see you here, y/n.” Bucky stood next to her, watching as she looked up to his face, surprise forming on her features.

Y/n looked up to him, panic flowing through her veins. “Harry, Tamara, this is Bucky, a friend of mine.” She cleared her throat watching him shake Harry’s hand and then Tamara’s. Y/n’s face glowed red with embarrassment hoping for him to go back to wherever he came from.

Bucky stayed for a while chatting with Tamara who was enchanted by him, eating up every word he spoke, talking about his travels around the globe. He glanced over to y/n every now and then, but she held her head down. Bucky felt a sharp pain flowing through his chest, not for her but for Harry. She had been cheating on him and as he came to find out, Harry had been in Rome for the past month.

Sure, Bucky has had his fair share of women in his bed, but he would never cheat and to find out this information about the woman he had been thinking about too much now, hurt. He would never admit it, but he had been enchanted by her, for whatever reason it might be.

Bucky left the three alone, signalling to Steve that he wanted to leave. Both exited the restaurant and Steve couldn’t help studying his best friend. This wasn’t just new to Bucky, but also Steve. He couldn’t figure out his emotions, due to the hard face Bucky put on.

As they arrived back at the house, Steve followed Bucky into the living room, sitting down on the grey couch.

For a mafia boss, Bucky had a rather obscure home compared to what one might imagine the house to be. Lots of windows adorned with dark grey curtains, on every couch and armchair around the house were yellow pillows, candles all around for a warm atmosphere and due to the small size of the mansion, everything felt more like a family house than that of a mob boss.

But that’s how Bucky likes it. He doesn’t want marble floors, grand staircases and useless gold ornaments laying around. Deep down he was hoping to bring a family into this home, a wife and kids. But Bucky knew that his lifestyle scared most away from marrying him instead of running into his arms at the thought of it. All the women wanted was his body, not necessarily what’s underneath. Did it hurt sometimes? Yes, but he would never admit it.

“Are you upset?” Steve asked cautiously, knowing that anything to do with love was a dangerous territory to talk about.

Bucky fiddled with his fingers. “Maybe.”

“Look, you have a tendency to sleep with a lot of women, that she has a boyfriend shouldn’t be upsetting to you. Of course, it’s shitty, but you have no right to interfere into her life like that.” Steve tried to scramble his thoughts carefully, looking over to Bucky who had his head hung low.

“I haven’t slept with anyone else, Steve.”

“So, you like her?”

“What? No!”

“Then what is it?”

Bucky stood up, pacing around the room. His heart was beating fast and the heat creeping up to his face. “We - I mean - maybe I do. But I don’t know why.”

“Sometimes there doesn’t need to be a why, sometimes we just feel that way.” Steve walked over to Bucky firmly grabbing his shoulder. “Just don’t be an ass.”

Y/n walked around in her apartment, getting pillows and blankets laying them on the ground around the coffee table. A few snacks and a bottle of wine laid out; candles lit for atmosphere. She opened the door as a knock echoed through the room, revealing Chelsea and Harry behind it. They sat on the blanket pouring out wine as another knock erupted.

Nina and Franzi walked into the apartment sitting down on the blankets as well. It was nice having the gang back together after Harry being away for so long. Each had a glass of Pinot in their hands as they.

“How was your date, Nina?” Chelsea asked and Nina smiled in return.

“To be honest, it was quite alright. He’s a lawyer from Connecticut and he was very polite.” She said in her ever so soft voice. There’s always something so innocent and sweet about Nina that all of them feel a need to protect her from the cruel world.

“But just because he was polite doesn’t mean anything.” Franzi said raising her eyebrows.

“C’mon, at least it wasn’t miserable, and it doesn’t mean she’ll go on a second one.” Harry turned to Franzi. Nina nodded her head. “And besides, we can all say that Nina’s love life isn’t as tragic as Y/n’s!”

Y/n whipped her head around, her jaw dropping. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Everyone’s head turned to Harry as if he were about to reveal a deep dark secret.

“That guy at the restaurant today? What was that about?” Harry chuckled; everyone’s attention still focused on him.

“Wait, what happened?” Chelsea asked.

“Y/n, my mom and I went out for lunch and this guy comes over introducing himself and everything and this bitch was so embarrassed!” Harry laughed hysterically throwing his head back.

Now the attention shifted to Y/n. “Bucky was at the restaurant and he saw Harry and I, I don’t know what he was thinking.”

“I sure do! He likes you.” Franzi said excitedly.

“No way! We slept together twice that’s it.”

“What?” Harry shook his head, eyes wide and a playful grin on his face.

Y/n couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Once said out loud this whole situation seemed silly. She hasn’t thought about him in that way, but maybe there is a reason they keep running into each other.

“I don’t want to burst your bubble, but Bucky isn’t at all what you guys think.” Chelsea spoke. “Y’know, my colleague talked about him yesterday saying that he owes Bucky money and he said that Bucky’s part of the mafia.”

Y/n, like everyone else, looked at Chelsea with disbelief. “You always take everything as fact, just because a colleague said so doesn’t mean it’s true.” Y/n said, taking a sip from her wine.

Was she defending him? Y/n thought but denied it quickly. She hates assumptions and doesn’t condone gossip about people. Sure, she doesn’t know Bucky, but still, saying that he’s part of a Mafia is a big statement to make.

Bucky didn’t know what had gotten into him. Standing in the kitchen making pancakes to distract his mind. He furrowed his eyebrows together, concentrating on the pancake, flipping it to the other side, revealing the gold brown colour. It was necessary, he thought.

Y/n got out of the shower, drying off her skin and putting a soft robe on she had stolen from a hotel she stayed in on a business trip to Hawaii.

She made herself a cup of tea, relishing the evening glow the sun provided, flowing through her windows. Y/n was giddy with excitement, having a nice relaxing evening. She seated herself on the couch turning the TV on as a knock on the door disturbed her. With a groan she got up and opened the door.

Harry stormed in, pushing past her. Y/n closed the door with confusion turning around to him. “Can you tell your boy toy to leave me alone?” He said, anger laced in his words. Harry threw an envelope on the dining table and Y/n walked over, picking it up.

As she emptied the contents, her jaw dropped. Pictures, text messages and a note that said: I thought you should know. It wasn’t just evidence of Bucky and Y/n’s affair, as he put it. But also, some other men she had texted and gone to dinner with. He was clearly trying to expose her for cheating, being unfaithful to her boyfriend.

“Oh my god.” Y/n said under her breath. She looked over to Harry who had taken a seat at the table. She was furious, this could not only ruin Harry’s life, but also Jack’s.

Y/n ran to her room, throwing on an outfit, grabbing her purse and putting on a pair of sneakers. She ignored Harry as she ran out the door, calling a cab.

She told the driver where to go, getting some turns wrong, resulting in the route stretching out. Y/n tried to remember the way as best as she could, but the time she went to his house, she was drunk. After a few more failed attempts, the cab pulled up at the gate.

She stated her name and the purpose of her arrival and was let in. Y/n got out, asking the cab driver to wait, there wasn’t much she wanted to say, so this ordeal shouldn’t take that long, she thought.

With every step she took up the stairs, she worked up the courage she needed, reciting the words and what she wanted to say to him as one of his guards led her to his office, knocking on the door for her.

The door opened and there he sat, behind his desk, Steve standing next to him leaning over the desk. Y/n tried her best to not lose any of the confidence, seeing as the room had more people in it than she wanted. Y/n wasn’t expecting an audience.

She threw the envelope on his desk, looking over to recognize Sam and Clint. “What is this?” Y/n spat, keeping a stern expression as she looked at Bucky.

He leaned back in his leather chair. “It’s what I needed to do.”

Y/n turned around, pacing around the room running her hands over her face. It was quiet in the room until she stared laughing lightly. Sam looked at Bucky and both looked as confused as can be. Y/n turned back to him, still chuckling.

“Harry’s gay.” Bucky’s jaw dropped. “It’s a cover up for his family.”

Bucky still didn’t quite get it, his mind running a mile trying to piece the puzzle together. Y/n explained as much as she could. “Basically Jack, his boyfriend, and Harry have been dating for three years, but his family is… how do I say this… difficult.”

“So, you don’t have a boyfriend?” Bucky asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“If by that you mean that I’m not cheating on my boyfriend, then yes.”

Y/n took this as her que to leave, but as she started walking down the stairs, she heard Bucky calling her name. Y/n didn’t stop though. Bucky stopped her as the front door opened, holding on to her wrist, turning her around in one swift move.

Bucky stared at her for a few seconds, trying to collect his thoughts. “Y/n, I’ve never felt this way about anyone, even though I don’t exactly know what it is. I- I don’t know how to act!”

Y/n broke her hand free from his grip, glaring at him. “Then figure it out!” She climbed back into the cab, driving off the property.

“That went well.” Sam said behind him. Bucky turned around, glaring at him before walking upstairs back into the office. There must me something he could do and all he needed to do is figure this out.

***

Masterlist || Next

#bucky #Bucky Barnes #mob!bucky #mob!bucky x reader #mob!bucky x you #mob!bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #roman nightmare

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lestered · 5 years

Text

thunder only happens when it’s raining

t, 3.6k

Obviously Manchester isn’t perfect either. But he’s seen at least three same-sex couples playing tonsil hockey at this party alone, and no one’s batted an eyelash. There’s something to be said for the fact that this is probably the most comfortable he’s ever been at a house party, and really he’s just half-drunk in a room full of strangers.

or: Dan wants to get something out of his system.

originally conceived as an idea for pff’s pride flashfest, but finished waaaaaay late. millions of thanks to @lvatt for holding me accountable and listening to all of my despairing while i wrote this.

read on ao3 or under the cut

There’s a boy across the room, and he’s the hottest thing Dan’s ever seen.

That’s saying kind of a lot, because Dan’s seen some things. Many things, actually. But that was back in the hellscape that he calls home, over 200 miles south of Manchester, and he really limited the type of stuff that he let himself see back there.

He doesn’t regret it; it was for his own good. Or his own safety, at the very least. Dozens and dozens of parties just like this, crowded rooms and loud music and cheap booze and fumbling around in the dark with too many girls and not feeling a fraction of the heat that he does looking at this boy’s broad, strong shoulders and long legs, his pretty pink lips and sharp cheekbones, and his scruffy black hair that sweeps over bright, ocean-blue eyes.

“You know, Phil’s not gonna shag you if all you do is stand here ogling him.”

Dan chokes on his drink, eyes watering as he coughs up the rum that’s burning its way town the wrong tube of his throat. “Fucking hell.” He rasps when he finally catches his breath. “Warn a guy.”

Cara - he’s pretty sure that’s her name, anyway - just grins, taking a long drink out of her own cup and leaning back against the wall next to him. He can’t remember if she lives in this house, or if she’s just a friend, or someone’s girlfriend, but she knows that Hot Boy’s name is apparently Phil, which means she fits with this crowd a lot better than he does.

Not that that’s hard. He’s not even sure where he is, just that someone in his group of hallmates loosely defined as ‘friends’ was invited here, and now he has no idea where any of them are either.

That doesn’t bother him too much, though. Cara’s nice. Nice enough to have introduced herself when she found him standing alone by the drinks table, anyway.

“Look, I love Phil, but he’s not exactly astute.” She tells him, her words a tiny bit slurred and her voice laden with a thick Northern accent. “If you want him to know you fancy him, you really need to smack him over the head with it.”

If you want him to know you fancy him.

Dan’s cheeks heat up and he narrowly avoids choking on his drink again, but can’t ignore the sudden churning of his stomach or his racing heartbeat.

Fancy him. Fancy him.

It’s a harmless phrase, isn’t it. Said so casually, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like he’s not disgusting. Like he’s not about to get punched or called a series of slurs for looking at a boy for more than 3 seconds.

He’s not upset. His veins are full of icy dread and his fight or flight response is rearing and ready to go but he’s not upset. Cara picked up on him fancying a boy, but it doesn’t matter, especially since she clearly doesn’t care.

That doesn’t change that fact that he kind of feels like he can’t breathe. He firmly but gently reminds himself that he’s been conditioned.

“Fancy him?” He finally manages with a pitchy laugh after god knows how many seconds of silent panic. “I don’t fancy him, what are you on about?”

Cara seems confused. But to be fair, she kind of has a right to be. After all, she’d noticed him staring at Phil earlier and asked if he liked what he saw, and he’d been too flustered to even answer. He’s sure that didn’t exactly give off a heterosexual vibe.

That’s not a bad thing, he reminds himself. He’s not actively trying to do that anymore. That was part of the appeal of getting so far away from home. One of many, many appeals, if he’s being honest, but definitely one of the biggest.

He tries to distract himself from how very unconvincing his lie to Cara must have been by chugging down the rest of his drink, suddenly not regretting the extra shot of rum he’d poured in for good measure.

She’s still looking at him when he puts the cup down, though, her eyes careful and searching.

“Okay. You don’t fancy him.” She nods, pausing for another drink before looking across the room at Phil again. “It’d be no big deal if you did, though. He’s gay.” She pauses to give Dan another passing, faux-casual glance. “And you’re kind of exactly his type.”

That causes another churning in his stomach, a different kind. Instead of the usual fear and guilt, this one comes with a blush and an urge to smile. He schools his features, or tries to. But Cara’s giving him a knowing look and he can’t help but let out a breathy laugh, crossing his arms and shuffling idly in his place. His heart’s beating faster now.

He feels kind of silly for it, but the implication that someone - another boy, specifically - might actually be attracted to him and more importantly, unashamed of it, is more exciting than he would’ve expected.

“Shut up.” He finally mumbles, giving in but still doing his best to bite back the stupid grin that’s threatening to take over his face when he looks back across the room at Phil. “No way I’m his type.”

“I’ve been friends with him for two years now, wanna bet?” Cara nudges him in the ribs with her elbow. Dan’s trying to come up with a sassy retort when, as if on cue, Phil glances up and meets his gaze from across the room, and Dan feels suddenly like he’s had the wind knocked out of him.

Cara notices. Of course she does.

“You know…” She sing-songs when Dan finally forces himself to look away after a few seconds longer than what he’d consider a casual amount of eye contact. “I could go talk to him for you.”

She’s got a playful, knowing glint in her eye.

Dan draws in a deep breath through his nose, swallows the lump in his throat, and exhales.

It starts off with Phil recognizing his Twilight’s Last Gleaming shirt. Apparently they have the same taste in movies.

Turns out they also like a lot of the same TV shows. And animes, and bands, and video games. It’s kind of uncanny.

Somewhere in the middle of discussing their favorite Ghibli movies, Phil kisses him.

Dan’s so stunned that he doesn’t return it at first.

It’s not exactly the kiss itself that’s shocking, though; he knew they’d get to that at some point. They’ve been tucked into a dark corner for well over an hour now, sharing a beanbag chair and shifting in closer and closer until Dan’s nestled right up to his side, Phil’s arm draped casually over his shoulders while their gazes flit between eyes and lips with gradually more intent. No, the kiss has been a pretty long time coming.

What’s surprising is how soft and gentle Phil’s lips are against his own. He kisses him slowly, sweetly, without urgency or a hint of an expectation for anything more. He supposes that’s just what Phil’s like. That he’s just sweet. He seems that way. He could also just be drunkenly projecting, because after all, he hardly knows Phil at all. But he feels like he does. He may know almost nothing about Phil as a person, or the details of his life, but he does know that in spite of all that, he feels like a safe space.

Okay, he’s definitely projecting a little. But he also trusts his gut instinct.

He only gathers himself enough to kiss back for about half a second before Phil pulls away, his face flushed from what Dan assumes is more than just the alcohol.

“Uh… sorry.” Phil breathes out what sounds like a nervous laugh and ruffles a hand through his hair. “I never… I don’t usually just kiss people, I swear, but you’re…”

Dan doesn’t allow himself to think before surging forward and silencing Phil by pressing their mouths together again, this kiss much firmer and more assured than before. He feels Phil smiling against his lips when they part.

“Sorry.” He whispers, opening his eyes to meet Phil’s soft, slightly unfocused gaze. “I’m what?”

Phil’s arm moves from around his shoulders to wrap around his waist instead, and Dan has to look away for a second because there’s something like fondness glinting in Phil’s eyes and he’s feeling enough as it is, especially when he hears Phil’s soft, murmured response.

“You’re cute.”

It's chilly enough outside that Dan slightly regrets wearing only a short-sleeved shirt. The October air bites at his cheeks, but the alcohol coursing through his veins and Phil's flannel clad arms wrapped around his waist are keeping him decently warm, so things could definitely be worse.

"Anyway," he whispers, his eyes fluttering shut when Phil presses a kiss to a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear. "That's why... fuck-- that's why Final Fantasy VII has the best soundtrack."

Phil nods and trails his lips up from Dan's jaw to meet him in another kiss. "Interesting," he mumbles. "I always preferred Final Fantasy VIII, but you make a compelling argument." Dan can feel him smiling when he presses another kiss to his cheek, and he tries not to get caught up in the way that his heart keeps somersaulting over in his chest.

Phil's lips find his again, and he draws in a deep breath through his nose to collect himself. He focuses first on his senses - on the warm press of Phil's body against his own, on the muted sound of the party music seeping through the walls, on the whistling of the wind and the way Phil's lips taste like vodka and cranberry juice and the scent of cigarette smoke coming from somewhere nearby. He's not exactly sure where, though. As far as he can tell they're alone on this porch, though he supposes there could always be someone lurking around the corner. The thought might terrify him in another context, but here it feels alright. Not completely unguarded, but it's that thing about Phil - the thing that makes Dan feel somehow assured that Phil really isn't the type to put him in any danger. Phil knows this place better than he does, knows this crowd better than he does, and if he thinks that sucking face outside this house party is fair game, then damn it, Dan's gonna trust him.

"Your turn." He finally murmurs when their lips part, swapping their positions so that Phil's pressed back against the outside wall of the house and Dan's mouth is latched onto his neck.

Phil's hands scramble for purchase on his back, fingers bunching in the loose fabric of Dan's t-shirt.

"Right, um..." Dan feels Phil's throat vibrate against his lips and has to force himself not to grin like an idiot. "We were doing... uh... soundtracks?"

Dan nods.

"Right." Phil takes a deep breath - Dan knows this because he can feel the rise and fall. "So, um, the soundtrack to Once More, With Feeling..."

Dan snorts against the soft skin of Phil's neck, despite himself. "Sorry, the soundtrack to what?"

“The Buffy musical episode?” Phil replies easily. “Christ, I thought you had good taste. Now I’m second guessing myself.”

Dan pauses, then pulls back. “You’re shitting me. There’s a Buffy musical episode?”

Phil’s eyes widen comically. “Okay, that’s it.” He dramatically drops his arms from around Dan’s waist. “I can’t sleep with someone who doesn’t know Buffy. I’m sorry, but I have standards.”

In another context, Dan would definitely find the fact that Phil’s apparently a Buffy fanboy to be adorable, but he can’t really think about that right now, because of the other thing that Phil just said.

I can’t sleep with someone.

Sleep with someone.

Sleep with him. Somehow it hadn’t occurred to him that Phil would want to go any further than this. Which is stupid, because if this were a party back home and he was doing this with a girl, he’d expect it to be headed exactly in that direction. With Phil, though, it feels different. And the realization sort of hits him like a freight train.

It must show, because Phil immediately follows up, his voice quieter and a little nervous. “I mean… only if you want to.” He tells him, fidgeting with one of the buttons on his shirt. “No pressure, I just kinda thought…” Phil trails off, seemingly waiting for Dan to say something, but he still can’t find any words.

“I-I’m sorry.” Phil finally stammers. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. We don’t… if you don’t want— “

“I want to.” Dan cuts him off without thinking. He feels light and floaty and a little foggy and also kind of terrified, but he somehow knows with complete certainty that he wants Phil.

Phil’s eyes seem to search his face for a moment, and he must look alright now because the worried creases in Phil’s forehead eventually smooth out and there’s a new sort of weight to his gaze and his smile when Phil reaches out to take his hand.

“Alright. Wanna get out of here, then?”

Getting out of here apparently means stumbling upstairs and into a bedroom about halfway down the hall. That’s probably for the best - his nerves and desperation are both building fast so the sooner he gets Phil alone, the better, and he’s not sure how capable either of them would be at walking much further than this anyway.

He’s no sooner got the door closed behind him that Phil’s pressing him back against it, crashing their mouths back together and reaching out for the light switch with one hand, fumbling only a little bit. As if he already knew exactly where it was.

“Uh, is this your room?” He asks when Phil tugs him backwards towards the bed with what seems again to be practiced ease. He hadn’t imagined that this was Phil’s place, but he supposes it’s likely enough. They’d had more interesting things to talk about than their accommodations.

Phil’s first response is to tumble them both onto the bed, climb over on top of him and press a number of urgent kisses into Dan’s neck.

“No, not mine,” he murmurs then, just as Dan’s starting to think that maybe Phil hadn’t heard him. “My house is next door, my mate Ian lives here. It’s cool though, he hooked up so many times in my bed last year, he owes me.”

“...Oh.” Dan whispers. He’s not sure why, but that strikes a bit of a strange chord and he finds himself squirming.

He lets his eyes flutter open slowly. Suddenly the ceiling looks like it’s descending. He doesn’t recall feeling terribly drunk before, but now the light in the room seems too bright. It hurts his eyes, they water and his vision goes even blurrier and he squeezes them shut again.

Phil lands another kiss on his neck, then his cheek, then on his lips, and Dan barely registers it. His chest tightens as it dawns on him that he’s about to have sex with a boy for the first time ever.

It dawns on him that Phil’s not.

After all, it’s kind of a given that Phil’s done this before. Phil’s older than him, more assured than him, he knows what he’s doing. He’s touching and kissing him in all the right spots and whispering all the little bits of praise that Dan wants to hear. Phil’s not confused or scared.

That should be reassuring.

He doesn’t know that he’s shaking until he hears Phil’s voice, high pitched and concerned as he repeats Dan’s name again and again.

“Dan… Dan?” He feels Phil nudging at his shoulder cautiously. His eyes fly open to find that Phil’s rolled off of him, now propped up on one elbow on his side with eyes full of what seems like mostly apprehension, and maybe a bit of fear. He sighs out in relief when they make eye contact. “Oh, thank God. You went somewhere else for a second.”

“Sorry.” Dan answers automatically, propping himself up too and drawing in a deep breath. “Sorry, I’m fine. We can keep going.”

He tries to ignore the skepticism in Phil’s eyes when he leans in to kiss him again. He’s disappointed but not exactly surprised when Phil’s lips are dry and unmoving against his.

“Phil, it’s fine.” He whispers. He can feel his heartbeat in his throat when he tries to kiss Phil again, sweat prickling the back of his neck. “I’m fine, promise.” But Phil just sits up.

“I think…” Phil sighs, scratching his jaw and pressing his back against the headboard. “Fuck. I don’t think this is a good idea.” He casts Dan an apologetic look, his eyes bleary and his hair messed up and his shirt halfway unbuttoned. God.

“I think we’re too drunk.” Phil hurries to explain when Dan doesn’t respond. “It’s not you.”

It clearly is him, though, Dan can tell. He’s definitely the problem. Because things had been going pretty great before he’d gone and gotten weird about it.

He breathes in deep, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I’m not that drunk.” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. He’s already embarrassed as hell, but if he at least comes clean, maybe Phil won’t think he’s a total weirdo. “I’m… I’m just nervous.”

Phil casts him a quizzical look, and Dan sighs in defeat.

“I’ve never done this before.”

Phil’s expression stays confused for a moment before the realization dawns. “Oh! Oh. I mean… oh.” He pauses for a moment. “You’ve never had sex before?”

“Not with a guy.” He clarifies quietly. He’d really like nothing more than for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. He’s sure that he sounds like a total loser, and the longer that Phil doesn’t respond, the worse it is.

When Phil finally does speak up, though, it’s not quite what he expects.

“I hadn’t either.” He says quietly, and Dan feels the bed shift when Phil scoots closer to him again. “Before I got to uni, I mean. No one from home even knows I’m gay. Not even my family.”

Something about that makes Dan feel around 20 pounds lighter, and he finds the courage to actually look at Phil again. “Yeah?” He asks quietly. He feels vulnerable, and small, but Phil’s expression is patient and earnest and Dan almost feels like he could cry. Phil’s a complete stranger, and yet Dan can’t remember the last time anyone looked at him this way. He’s not sure anyone ever has.

“Me neither.” He says, his voice small and soft. “I mean, enough of them think that I am. Or they feel like they need to make up some reason to hate me. But I’m not, um.” He clears his throat. “Not actually out. To anyone. At all.”

The silence that falls between them then isn’t excruciating like before. It’s calm. It’s… soothing, almost.

“I really like you, Dan.” Phil whispers after a while. “Like… I really like you.” He feels Phil’s shoulder bump gently against his own and he shifts in closer and when he turns his head Phil’s right there. He barely has to lean in at all when Phil kisses him softly.

It feels really good. But it’s lacking the heat from before. “So…” Dan whispers when they break apart. “Do you still wanna—”

“Yeah.” Phil interrupts him. “I do, I seriously do. But… not right away?”

Dan pouts to mask his actual disappointment, but the smile that it earns from Phil makes it well worth it. “Look.” Phil laughs. “I’m not someone who thinks your first time needs to be perfect, or with your soulmate, or even with someone really special, but it should at least be, like. Pretty good. And I can totally do better than this.”

Dan feels himself blush as he glances around the room. Granted, Phil’s right - it’s not exactly a nice atmosphere, with its ugly posters and bad lighting and soda cans and dirty laundry strewn across the floor. Apparently Ian doesn’t really have his whole aesthetic nailed down yet. He also notes that there’s a nagging pain in the back of his head, intensifying the more his buzz wears off, and he’s tired and his skin is tacky with sweat.

Yeah. Dan’s pretty sure that he can do better than this, too.

“Right.” Dan sighs out a bit of a laugh, relishing in the wave of relief that suddenly washes over him from head to toe. “I can handle a rain check.” But he can’t help but notice when he looks back over at Phil that… well. He’s really cute. He’s really hot. Even if they’re not about to have sex after all, Dan’s not exactly willing to pull himself away.

“What about until then?” He asks. His stomach does another little flip, a different kind, when Phil grabs his hand and tugs him up off the bed.

“Until then,” Phil smiles, a teasing glint in his eye when he presses a quick, chaste kiss against his lips. “You’re coming home with me. You have a Buffy musical to watch.”

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #fics #*

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shark-myths · 7 years

Text

2017 Writing Reflection

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

@horsegirlharry tagged me in this! I have been in a brief writing hiatus while I study for my licensing exam (read: I am all the way dead inside) and I miss it so, so much! Looking back over this year made me HYPE to return to the Peterick motherland in 2018.

1. List of works published this year:

Processions

V Day

Be Careful Making Wishes

Small Things

Love’s A Universe

If It Helps You Control Yourself

Fall Out Boy: Live In Tokyo

Like A Chapel In A Hospital

Yes Or No, But No Maybes

Romance Is Dead

Joe Troh Band Ho

Leaves a Mark

The Mad Key

In Every Universe

Saint Anthony

The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV

Smash The Mirror, Break The Palm Reader’s Hand

Girl Out Boy

The Opposite of Amnesia

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

This can’t possibly be a surprise to anyone because it’s all I can talk about, but GIRL OUT BOY. I found so much of myself in that story, far more than I ever expected to. I have never written anything more important or more impactful. Every single person who read it and told me it was important to them too, that they felt something, that it allowed them to understand their young selves differently or more kindly, made me cry. Literally every one of them. It’s the best thing I have ever done.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I don’t know if I’ve ever published anything that I wasn’t proud of? I’m either arrogant or self-assured, idk. There’s stuff that turns cringey or embarrassing with age, of course, but I think everything I’ve put up this year is solid writing and good storytelling. The closest answer I have to this is that it’s really surreal that I posted two AFI fics this year, because it feels like it’s been a literal lifetime since I was in that headspace. I have an awkward-guilty relationship to my works in that fandom now, but I think that they are still good technically, and Small Things was an intensely personal and important piece about my ED experience, so I’m still glad I wrote it and proud of the work I put in.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

My favorite single scene I wrote this year was the horseshoe crab scene in Girl Out Boy. It makes me laugh so hard. I almost copied and pasted the whole thing here before deciding on this:

What’s ‘boyfriend’ but another word for ‘someone who fucks other girls when you’re not looking’? No, Pete doesn’t belong to anybody anymore. Not even herself. Pete leaves grim, surly Andy at the bar, saying nonsensically, “Be our lighthouse. Guide us home” before she drags Pat out onto the cramped, sweaty dance floor.

Jo, of course, is already in the center of it, just as drunk as Pat and spinning like she personally was elected club disco ball. Pete grabs Jo by the hips and dances up on her, laughing when Jo realizes it’s her and starts grinding and booty popping with abandon. They dance til the club seems to spin of its own accord, three girls linked by heat and heartbeat and meant to be. Pete feels like the brightest thing in the room. She tips her head back, shows her throat to the ceiling ‘cause the sky’s all that she’ll submit to, laughs and laughs. If enough people see her having a good time, she must be. Happiness is brittle and splintery. It’s other people’s eyes that make things real.

Pete gets distracted for a little while by a Tall Dark and Random who hooks her by the belt loops and moves his body with a passion that moves her in return. She feels manageable under his big hands—like she can be broken down, bite-size, and swallowed. It is good to feel hands on her, like someone else is holding her together for once. His mouth is on her neck, stubble and teeth, and she thinks about how soft and vulnerable she is in all the places she gives away, how bitter and rough she is in those few hardscrabble places she keeps for herself. She’s just drunk enough to be strung between caring too much about everything and not caring about anything. His hands on her body either feel good or like nothing at all.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Okay, like I said, literally every comment I got on Girl Out Boy is basically etched on my heart forever, so this is impossible. One person said “Your writing is always where fic and lyrics collide” though, and that was pretty amazing, because I spend a lot of time steeping in lyrics and then weaving them into fic, and I’m always delighted when people have a positive response to that. Another amazing comment was when someone proposed marriage to my tryst theory and then we planned the wedding together. (It’s next Halloween. You’re all invited.)

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I very nearly died while writing Smash The Mirror, Break The Palm Reader’s Hand. I was so absolutely stuck and running up against a deadline, and I felt like every word of it was garbage, and it sucked to have to fight and struggle so hard for each word when it seemed like I was producing crap. Luckily my amazing beta @immoral-crow came along and said kind, soft things, and I started to see value in the work and get excited. I’m really fond of the fic now, and I love how it came out all dreamy—I was trying to channel Sarah McCarry or Francesca Lia Block and I think I did okay at that. I’m a pretty lazy writer—when it’s not working or doesn’t feel good, I’ll usually stop and come back later when things are flowing. Which means that I have noooo self-discipline when I’m up against a wall, and I get very pitiful. I complaind more in the month I was writing that fic than I did in the rest of 2017 combined, probably. Me every 2 seconds: why is it sooooooooo hard, why is my life like this, cut off my hands I shall never write again

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

They surprise me constantly! I’m a discovery writer—it’s fun for me because I generally have no idea what’s going to happen next and I’m delighted when the characters show me. One surprise was when I was writing The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV, and I had to write a sex scene but it kept ending itself in a fade-out and then I’d have to go back and try again. That’s why the big sex scene in that fic plays like the end of Lord of the Rings. I couldn’t write it through without a million cut-aways.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

- I wrote about queer women and their interiority in a really intentional way, which challenged me and moved me and helped me know myself better.

- I did Bandom Big Bang, wrote a fic-by-request for a fundraiser, and participated in Bandom Bingo 2017. That’s a lot of writing for specific prompts and on specific timelines that was different for me—usually I just write what I feel when I feel it. I’ve definitely been learning better discipline as a result.

- I’ve always been a really personal writer, but somehow it took me this long to realize that instead of writing out my issues through band member proxies, I could literally make them queer women and figure out my shit directly. An unusually large bit of what you’ve read of my work this year is cribbed directly from my life or my experiences.

- I made more writer friends and deliberately read and commented on more fic and I started working with a beta for the first time in my life!

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to do even more of the above! Especially reading other people’s fic. I read a ton of traditionally published books, but I learned how to write from fanfiction and I want to get back into the habit of reading more of it! Yeah, that’s an open invitation to send in your recs.

I’m also hoping to work with my new pal @conditionsofhappiness to learn how to do that neat writerly thing called ‘revision’ and get more disciplined. And I want to focus more on representation in my work, especially making room for POV characters of color, because that’s something we aren’t great at in fandom and I think we could do better. (That’s why I wrote Saint Anthony, and it’s the best short thing I’ve written in ages! I’m hoping to do more of that in 2018.)

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@immoral-crow, who is there for me for every problem whether it’s in-story or not. She betas my life as well as my work, and she always has something to say that I need to hear. She helps me celebrate women and rage at the heteropatriarchy, we read amazing books together, her kindness may well be bottomless, and sometimes, if I am very very good, she Facetimes me drunk and pink and silly. She’s my first beta after 15 years of writing rogue, and I have no idea how I ever lived without her.

@horsegirlharry, who journeyed out of the black pit of AFI fandom with me this year (we climbed a ladder of rainbows to escape) and has celebrated fandom community and girlhood and softness and vulnerability with me all year. She is the staunchest supporter of my commitment to the FOB fandom, to goodness and love, and to whatever project I’m excited about. I am so proud of both of us for how we’ve let ourselves grow!

And any of you who have read my work and told me how it impacted you. That shit literally keeps me going. This year and every year, I would not exist without you guys.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Always. I am more obsessed with my relationship with myself and my own past than Pete Wentz, istg. The most egregiously stolen-from-my-life things this year are the entire fic Small Things and the Girlsploration of Pat Stump in Girl Out Boy, when she’s reviewing her history and realizing belatedly how incredibly gay it is. Every story about every girl Pat recalls in that bit literally actually happened to me. My life is so specifically embarrassing.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

> Write! The most amazing thing about writing is that you can package up something deeply personal and true about you and just—send it out into the ether. That means people who are ideally suited to befriend and care for you are likely to find it, to find you. I make most of my friends by posting fanfiction on the internet and letting nice strangers bound up to me and start conversations. It doesn’t matter what you’re writing or if it’s ‘good enough.’ The way to get connected to your community and find your people, the way to get better and to learn, the way to get involved in something that will inspire and motivate you and possibly change your life, is just to write and put it out there. I didn’t expect a single person to read Girl Out Boy but I wanted to write it anyway, so I did, and it’s the best thing I did with my whole year. So seriously. Write.

> Some people are assholes and that’s okay. You’re writing for yourself and your friends. Anyone who doesn’t fall into those categories is humbly invited to choose any dick in the world and suck it. Seriously—if someone is hurting you, you don’t need to listen to them, and that doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad writer. Relatedly: if you aren’t enjoying your work, put it down. Write something else. This should feel good.

> Write 20 Minutes. This is how I bully myself when I’m procrastinating or having trouble getting into a flow. Make a commitment to spend 20 minutes really writing—no tumblr, no cell phone, no distractions. Turn off the wifi. Put your phone under a pillow in the other room. And just write, or try to, really honestly for 20 minutes. When the timer goes off, if it still feels sucky, stop! Writing isn’t working today so don’t worry about it! You made a serious attempt, and now you don’t have to feel guilty. Seriously, guilt will kill you. It will never help you produce more words. Try being kind to yourself instead. You’re doing great, even if you only got seven and a half words down in that whole 20 minutes.

> Take a notebook out in public and write! This is one of my favorite treats to myself, even though it’s hard to make myself actually leave my cozy house when the moment comes. In public, you will be so bored and avoidant of stranger small talk that you’ll be forced to focus on your work. It’s also really nice to get a change of scenery, and signal to your brain that it’s time to be intentional and engaged! Try coffee shops and libraries and parks and whatever the most beautiful places are in your town.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

If you saw the length of the “Peterick Ideas” doc in my phone you would be horrified. Um, I want to write everything all the time! I’m already thinking about the next installment of Girl Out Boy (it has a playlist), I’m planning a StormPilot fic, and I’m open to suggestions.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

@leyley09, @immoral-crow, and @beckettsthoughts!

#thank you love this was so nice #self-reflection is my jam #writing #2017 #year in review #writing reflection #scarredsodeep

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lilyhildegard · 7 years

Photo

TASK 004 ╳ THE ART OF A LETTER

Dear Biological .. Dear People Whom I Share Blood .. To The Ones Who Gave Me Up,

Hello. If the beginning of this letter didn’t inform you who it’s from, let me remind you. Twenty-one years ago you made the choice to leave an infant of your own blood in the care of a complete stranger, and in her words, “begged” her to take it. Well, I am that child and my name is Lillian Aurora Hildegard. I’d like you to know that this isn’t the first letter I’ve written you. I’ve written countless of letters throughout the years, but never knew where to send them, so I didn’t. Those letters were far warmer than this. See, I was informed of my adoption at a young age. I was told the ones who conceived me died. Nothing anyone can do about that, all was good and well. I was too young to really understand the concept of death but old enough to understand I wasn’t harbored in my mother’s womb for nine months. As I grew older I became curios about certain differences I noticed between my family and I. Certain unexplainable events that seemed to happen around me. As a child I accepted the idea of coincidence, but in recent years I haven’t been so sure. Instead of asking my parents, I wrote you letters. Questions lined the pages from simple ones such as: Do I Have Cousins ? Is Everyone Blonde ? To ones far more personal, like: Do You Miss Me ? Is It My Fault ? Why Don’t You Care ? I wanted to meet you. I wanted to know you. Truth be told, I blamed Hayley for all my unanswered questions. You remember her don’t you ? Strong, brave, nurturing ? I’m sure you do. Well anyway, I thought she found me before you could find me and took away any chance I had to know you. Though I was angry with her, it never stopped me from trusting her. When she informed of how things truly played out, I believed her. Why would I want to know the kind of people who threw away an infant ? I might understand if I was a high maintenance toddler, which by the way I was, but I wasn’t even a year old and for some god forsaken reason you couldn’t manage me ?! Or didn’t want to. I hope I never grow to be as cowardly as you acted the day you relinquished me to Hayley. And you better hope we never come face to face ever again, because if we do, I will not hesitate to kill ever last one of you.

Cheers, Lily

Dear Surrogates,

I do apologize if my calling you that is disrespectful on some level, but I have no memory of you. Not a picture, not even even a name. To be completely honest, I didn’t think of you at all as a child. The only reason I’ve thought of you these past few years is because I think something is wrong with me and unfortunately you two are the only ones that have the answer. There have been awful coincidences that have happened around me. My mums seem to be in denial. I just want to know if I’m cursed. I feel cursed. Did you happen upon some powerful beings and piss them off ? Is it hereditary ? Can I reverse it ? Is it dangerous to my family ? I don’t mind hurting other people, but I would rather die than have something horrid happen to my family. Especially knowing that I have something to do with it. Whether it is actually a curse or not, I can’t help but feel different. Not supernatural different, I live in a town with the most powerful super beings in the entire world, I do not feel alone in that sense. But I feel a huge disconnect when my mums treat me differently than the rest of my siblings. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always to my benefit, and I thoroughly enjoy getting my way, but there has to be a reason why. Am I dying ? Well, more than just vampire dead I mean. I have no one to talk to about this and I’m too afraid to get close to anyone I don’t have to due to this dark curse looming over me. I don’t want anyone I care about getting hurt. Hayley and I almost died once because of this great fire. Hayley is the one who saved me by the way. Anyway, it came out of nowhere but I felt something. It felt like I was doing it but I wasn’t focused, chanting, or doing anything remotely close to performing a spell that big. I was just, I don’t know, I was really emotional that night. Am I the cursed child ? I am aren’t I ? Even in a family as diverse as mine, I’m still alone. Who’s to say my family won’t turn my back on me when they find out what I am ? Do I belong anywhere ? I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure. After reading that bit, I suppose you’re wondering why I don’t just ask my grandparents. Well, it’s because they are not in my life. They and the rest of the family were never in my life. It was they who decided to make me somebody else’s problem. Great parents you have there. Though my parents aren’t perfect, do trust that they are far superior to yours, in every way possible. I do hope the afterlife is treating you well. I’m sure you didn’t deserve the way your lives ended. Oh ! Sorry. I’m called Lily. I’m named after my late grandmother. Well, sort of. I guess you could say I’m second generation of adoptees in my family. I’m not quite sure what to say anymore due to the fact I’m basically talking to dead strangers. Thank you for making sure I survived, I am very grateful for that sacrifice. It must have been hard. By the way, I’m gay. Thought you should know.

Best Wishes, Lily

To My Dearest Family,

You finding this letter means I’ve run away. Wow no, I’m kidding. That was dramatic now wasn’t it ? LOL. Anyway, back to the point. I am writing you today because there are some things I cannot express verbally, even to you. I think I’m dying. No, seriously. I think I’m dying. Either that or I’ve been stuck in some purgatory in which my creative acts of entertainment and wit cannot escape. We must do something about this. As self-appointed in house representative of all that is demonic and slightly amusing, I should be allowed to destroy anything that doesn’t make me laugh. Speaking of which, should there be parameters in which I follow ? Or should it really just be a free for all ? Admittedly I favor the latter. Remember that boy who bullied me in elementary school because I didn’t have any friends ? I haven’t killed him yet. I’m waiting to play out some sort of fairy-tale situation. I was thinking stealing his first born and having it raised by fairies. I found some old notes hidden on my iphone ( and yet with all the technology this century has to offer I’m still writing a letter ) outlining an all but simple plan to lead to his demise. People think I’m scary now ? They should have peeked in my mind when I was a child. Even I’m scared of toddler me. Now, she, was mad. Not hard to believe, I did try and kill all of you at one point I’m sure. Well, everyone besides mums of course. And before you ( mum, mother ) think about punishing me for this confession, I do urge you to think about what that will do to my view of being accepted when I come to you with the brutally honest truth. I’m just saying. Being on this brilliant track of honesty, can somebody please explain to me why it’s okay for people to have animals as pets and I can’t have a person as a pet ?? If you’re going to make the argument of people and higher learning, I have a very compelling counter argument in which I cite sources from the high school neanderthals. If you can teach a dog not to pee on the floor, what’s the excuse for teenage boys ? Also, I’d rather see a person tied up outside suffering in the summer heat than a precious little pup. Whoops, it has come to my attention that there are some people who keep humans as pets, they’re just called Assistants or Interns. Silly me, I’ll just get me one of those. I retract my previous question. As a closing statement, I’d just like to point out that I haven’t caused anyone harm or trouble in the past week so if you would please LET ME OUT OF MY ROOM, that would be greatly appreciated because like I said in the beginning of this letter, I am dying. If my phone, lap top, and the wifi password is not returned to me soon I will cease to exist. I have learnt my lesson, it is neither funny nor amusing to stick the heads of the JV cheerleading squad on wooden posts outside of the school gymnasium. ( Although I seem to remember when my punishment was being discussed that even mum acknowledged that it was just the JV team, it’s not like it was Varsity ) . Too soon ? Okay, never mind. If you hear me slamming around my room it is because the lead pencils keep breaking and I am forced to write this with the tiny bits of lead that survived which you can imagine, is very frustrating. Love you guys ! Please save me I’ll be good, promise !

Always and Forever, Lily

@tannerxhildegard | @witchiz | @kylehildegard | & mentions @cresxentqueen

#fallsfamtask #there was supposed to be a bonus letter but i mean... alskdfjals im brain dead #lol i hope you enjoy the last letter in here #tannerxhildegard #&. lily + tanner;#&. lily + isabella;#witchiz #cresxentqueen #&. lily + hayley;#this is so late alsooooo #sorryyy #&. lily + kyle;#kylehildegard

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my-mystic-messenger · 8 years

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rfa+ v & saeran's reaction to MC having a lisp (preferably from a dental device)? Thanks! Keep up the good work!!

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

Zen

♬ when you talked to him over the phone he didn’t hear anything

♬ neither when you met for the first time as he saved you from thestrange guy in Rika’s apartment

♬ not even when you stayed over did he ever hear anything strange

♬ at the RFA party, where you talked to a lot of people and guests;still nada

♬ it was only after the first time he’d slept over at your place thathe finally noticed

♬ it was early in the morning, both of you still half asleep as youroll out of bed

♬ your hair is a mess and you have a white line of dried drool runningdown your chin

♬ Zen meanwhile looks like he was just reborn

♬ asshole

♬ anyway, he finds you really adorable like that

♬ definitely not a morning person, but adorable

♬ both of you make your way to the kitchen for something to eat

♬ and a coffee, in your case

♬ as black as your mood

♬ when you ask him to hand you the cup from the top drawer he freezes

♬ your voice…it had sounded off

♬ something was different about it, but he couldn’t quite pin pointwhat it was

♬ after that you barely spoke and whenever he asked you questions you’donly kind grunt in return

♬ when you’d finally drowned your cup of coffee you leaned back in yourchair with a satisfied sigh

♬ things were good in the world again

♬ you said so too, which is when he finally realized that you had alips

♬ for a moment Zen isn’t sure whether he noticed correct or not

♬ and if so, how come he hadn’t noticed before?

♬ was he a shit boyfriend?!

♬ I mean, he didn’t even notice something like you having a lips and hetalked to you every day!?!

♬ “I didn’t know you had a lisp”, it finally burstout of him

♬ you froze, eyes widening by the minute until they looked like theywere about to pop out

♬ you cursed, scrambling up to run to the bathroom

♬ when you returned your face was burning hot and you avoided Zen’s eye

♬ when you apologized the lisp was completely gone and Zen was confused

♬ “I havedental retainers. They make me look like a ten year old and lipsabout and I though you’d find that unattractive so I usually don’twear them when you call or when we meet. Today I forgot because Ihave them in my nighttime routine and forgot to take them out thismorning. Sorry.”

♬ that confused Zen even more, to be honest

♬ like why were you apologizing for something like having retainers andlisping?

♬ “Listen, princess, not everyone can be asnaturally flawless as me”, he said, grinning at you cockily

♬ you couldn’t help but roll your eyes and huff a laugh

♬ “but there really is no reasonto apologize for that. Wear them, get the flaw in your teeth fixedyou want to get fixed and get rid of them, if you want to. If youdon’t I don’t mind either way. You having a gap in your teeth orsomething like that doesn’t make you any less attractive. Your beautygoes beyond the physical.”

♬ it was cheesy and you were 99% sure he just quoted a line from one ofhis plays at you, but it was effective

♬ now being able to shamelessly wear your retainer 24/7 quickened theprocess and you got rid of them much sooner thanks to your goofballof a boyfriend

Yoosung

★ his phone is rather cheap, so when you talked he didn’t hear thefaint lisp at first

★ actually, he still struggled to hear it sometimes, even when youspoke after

★ it was just so damn faint

★ which made him even more surprised to find out you were ashamed of it

★ you first met at the RFA party, where you shared your first kiss

★ it felt a little weird, but Yoosung didn’t have anyone to comparewith so he figured it was just how kisses felt

★ afterwards when you actually had the chance to, you know, talk inperson you barely spoke

★ he talked at you more than with you

★ you listened, happily so, but you mostly just nodded and hummed inagreement

★ he figured you were just shy with so many people around

★ also, you were totally cute with your rosy cheeks and shy glances

★ when he asked you on your first date you suggested the cinema

★ after that a club

★ a dark café

★ and an arcade

★ after a while Yoosung seriously started to question your choices ofdate

★ it was always so dark

★ and you really didn’t seem like one of these dark kind of people

★ you didn’t even dress that way, from what Yoosung could see

★ after a while he just had to ask

★ he was literally worried you found him ugly

★ maybe it was his hair? Not everyone liked people with bleached hair

★ when he eventually got the balls to ask you, you looked guilty andashamed

★ his heart sank because he really thought it was him

★ then you explained it was you and showed him your teeth, covered inmetallic braces

★ he then remembered how you’d always covered your mouth while laughingor talking

★ and that there was a faint lisp to the way after all, and he hadn’tjust imagined

★ when it all finally sunk in Yoosung hugged you tight and kissed youagain, finally understanding that the ‘strange’ feeling were thebraces

★ “You don’t mind?”

★ “Mind what? The braces andthat barely there lisp? No, not at all! It’s kind of cute, actually.Makes you look younger, which makes me look older.”

★ it wasn’t the most romantic thing to say, but you got the point andfrom there on you didn’t have to hide in dark places and barely talkto hide your little lisp

Jaehee

♨ Even after moving in with her it takes her the longest time to notice

♨ mainly because you don’t actually share a room for a long time

♨ until finally you do after you get over the first gay-fright

♨ only then does she actually become part of your final going to bedroutine

♨ which includes putting in your mouth guard

♨ she’s very confused as to why you need, since your teeth seem fine

♨ you explain to her that you grind your teeth and need it to protectthem, not to fix them

♨ she understands and doesn’t mention it again

♨ until one morning a couple of months into sharing a bed you forget totake it out first thing in the morning

♨ you wake up first so you decide to go to the kitchen and make Jaeheecoffee

♨ she liked your coffee the best so you make it a habit to make it forher as often as you can

♨ when she comes in you smile at her

♨ and tell her good morning and that you made her coffee

♨ you’re surprised when you find her giggling

♨ when you ask her about it she only giggles more

♨ she then points towards her mouth

♨ “You maybe want to take that out. You have a lisp.”

♨ youfinally realize what made her giggle and quickly stumble to thebedroom to get rid of the mouth guard

♨ how awkward

♨ she tells you she finds it cute

♨ as long as you keep your mouth guard in it’s little box and shedoesn’t have to see it float about in a glass somewhere…

Jumin

♛ he didn’t know you had braces for the longest of times

♛ mostly because technically you never wore them around him

♛ once you moved in together, however, things like that becameimpossible to hide

♛ especially when your Orthodontist told you to not only wear them atnight, but day as well

♛ kissing became more complicated

♛ and fishing them out of your mouth during dinner was in no wayappetizing

♛ especially in the fancy restaurants Jumin took you to

♛ he didn’t seem to mind though, which confused you

♛ how could he not mind?

♛ When he first noticed the lisp you had with braces on he didn’t evenreact

♛ you wondered whether he just hadn’t heard

♛ but when you asked him about it, he said he had

♛ which confused you even more, to be honest

♛ people tended to be sure rude about it, sometimes downright cruel

♛ especially considering it wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t help it

♛ which apparently reflected his sentiment

♛ he told you that wearing braces was your decision and theconsequences of them were yours to bear

♛ which was true, but he still had to listen to the lisp

♛ which apparently he’d learned to tune out after about aweek

♛ “Admittedly, it was rather annoying and distractingat first, but you learn to ignore these things when you live likeme.”

♛ oh well…

♛ when he noticed that you still tended to be very secretive about yourretainer around him he eventually spoke up about it

♛ “I think you asking me myopinion merely reflects your own feelings about your lisp andretainer. If you dislike wearing them so much, why do you?”

♛ that was a good question

♛ why?

♛ well mostly because a huge gap between your teeth was’t pretty andyou disliked looking at it

♛ “Alright. I shall call yourOrthodontist and get you an appointment right away. You’re gettingInvisalign right away. Non noticeable and no lisp.”

♛ sometimes it really was nice to have a rich boyfriend

Saeyoung/Seven

☼ when he first heard your lisp he thought you were messing with him

☼ mostly because you’d complained about all the prank calls and hefigured you were just getting back on him

☼ when he told you that you were being silly and should stop – in hismind still thinking this was some joke – you called him an asshole

☼ “I’m sorry Ihave a lisp because of my braces. No need to be rude about it,asshole!”

☼ once you’d hung up on him he’d checked your medical history and lookat that, you actually did have braces

☼ well…fuck

☼ he called and apologized a lot of times

☼ you forgave him after about a dozen

☼ but made him say it two dozen more times

☼ for good measures, you know?

☼ of course once he was back in your good graces he abused it

☼ the second you’d forgiven him he began giving you reasons to regretyour life choices

☼ because Seven can be a dick like that

☼ you still love him, of course, but he’s a dick nevertheless

☼ he starts teasing you about them

☼ imitates your lisp

☼ reminds you just how annoying it is to constantly have to fish thatdamn thing out of your mouth

☼ let alone the cleaning of that bullshit

☼ “Ew, look at that thing. I can’t believe you put that in yourmouth”, he said, exaggerating on purpose to annoy you

☼ “Well I mean I put your dick in my mouth as well, so this reallyisn’t as bad.”

☼ that silenced him for a while

☼ of course that peaceful state didn’t last forever and once Seven hadgathered his wits he began his teasing once more

☼ “You know, you should really clean that more often with how muchyou drool with it in”, he said and then hissed like a snake toimitate your lisp again

☼ you’ve had it!

☼ you got it out of your mouth and threw it right at his face, droolall over it

☼ he never said a word again

Saeran

☀ when you first met there admittedly wasn’t much talk on your part

☀ it was mostly him talking at you

☀ making demands

☀ threatening you

☀ youknow all that ~romantic~stuff girls just ~love~guys doing

☀ (foranyone who has difficulties understanding these things; this wassarcasm)

☀ but eventually you forgave him and you started dating

☀ funnilyenough, suddenly he’s not the one talking at you anymore

☀ nowit’s mostly the other way around, Saeran completely withdrawn andsilent

☀ mostof the time you wonder whether he even listens, whether he hears whatyou say

☀ atfirst you’re a little self cautious about talking to Saeran

☀ mostlybecause barely anyone does – other than Seven – and he neverresponds anyway

☀ notto mention that your voice, with that stupid lisp, probably isn’t allto pleasant to listen to anyway

☀ youstill talk to him, every single day

☀ youwant him to get better and if this is something that might help,you’ll try it

☀ abouta year later you finally get rid of your braces and with them yourlisp is gone

☀ whenyou go to see Saeran you’re even more excited than you usually were

☀ as you first start to talk you notice him shift

☀ thereis also a crease between his eyes like he’s focusing, confused

☀ youcontinued to talk, excited at his reaction because at least there isone!

☀ rightbefore you’re supposed to leave he suddenly turns, staring right atyou

☀ youfreeze, feeling like all air is suddenly sucked out of you lungs

☀ itfeels like he’s staring right at your soul

☀ youfeel vulnerable, but also…connected?

☀ “What happened to yourlisp.”

☀ those are the first words he’s spoken to you in an entireyear and you feel floored

☀ “Ieh…I…it’s gone”,you stutter nervously. “Alongwith the braces.”

☀ henods again, humming in understanding

☀ “Youdidn’t find it annoying?”

☀ “Oh, yes I did.”

☀ yourface falls and your heart sinks

☀ “butI got used to it. It made you feel less threatening, safe…”

☀ yourealize then, that his pale cheeks have a faint red colour to them

☀ andthat your words, lisped and all, were what got him out of his shell

☀ youwere never more thankful for it

Jihyun Kim/V

📷 when V met you for the first time it was also the first time heardyour voice

📷 he noticed the lisp, but chose not to comment on it

📷 after all he knew how self-conscious young women could be about thesethings

📷 men too, of course, but it was generally the women that suffered themost

📷 so he never talked about it, not realizing that you didn’t actuallyhave a lisp

📷 that it was just the braces causing it

📷 because he couldn’t see the actual braces in your mouth

📷 in his mind it was part of you and honestly it was kind of cute

📷 it gave you a sort of personality, a distinctive sound

📷 by the time you got in any way involved with one another

📷 romantically, that is

📷 you’d gotten rid of your braces and he didn’t feel anything whilekissing either

📷 only about a week after your braces were gone he noticed thatsomething was off

📷 you sounded different

📷 he tried to focus on the sound of your voice more so than the wordsand he finally got it

📷 your lisp was gone!

📷 now he wanted to know how you’d managed that

📷 but if he asked, you might feel shy about it

📷 eventually he couldn’t help himself

📷 “What happened to your lisp? A while ago it suddenlydisappeared.”

📷 he looked so pained and shy about it youwanted to kiss him

📷 “I had braces, babe. They were the only reason I had thelisp.”

📷 Oh…

📷 he kind of misses it for a while

📷 just because it used to be this big part of you

📷 at least for him, since your voice is especially important to him inhis blind state

📷 but he soon grows to love your lispless voice as well

📷 in fact, he really loves everything about you

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hawkland · 3 years

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Dear RarePair Creator

Thank you for offering one of my requests! I’m very excited to see what you will create, no matter which of my requested ships you go for. It’s all under the cut.

General Likes:

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Cooking & food as an act of caretaking/showing affection - I love it when a character tries to prepare a favorite meal for their loved one (whether they succeed or not!) Food as a symbol of love or desire, meals as a time for opening up/having heartfelt discussions, etc.

Hurt/comfort scenarios - caretaking, desperately trying to save a loved one, confessions brought on by altered states/fear of imminent death...love them all!

Wingfic - for any of my angel ships and requests. Love stories and art involving their wings - as erogenous zones, needing TLC after an injury or molting.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

SUPERNATURAL

Well, I’m a hopeless Casgirl if it’s not obvious from my requests. I just want my angel to be happy and get some of the love and affection he deserves.

Castiel/Indra (Supernatural) - This is kind of a silly one, but Indra the day-drinking playground guard was one of my favorite one-off angel characters. Poor guy stuck by his lonesome as Heaven is failing and not doing a good job of getting drunk. I kind of like the idea of Cas stopping by every once in a while just to talk to him, maybe try to get some gossip on Heaven but also simply for the company. Heck, maybe Cas drags him away for a little gay angel adventure! To show him he can have some fun on Earth too, beyond the play set (though, some kinky fun on the ladders and slide wouldn’t be a bad idea either.)

Castiel/Mick Davies (Supernatural) Castiel/Mick Davies/Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Cas and Mick absolutely deserved at least a one-off hot sex fling. Or even something more than that? I’d love to see them working some kind of case together and Mick slowly getting Cas to open up and trust him. Give me an AU where Mick doesn’t die, or perhaps Cas visiting him in Heaven? (Could be post-canon when Jack has brought back Cas to help him, but before Dean dies?)

For the threesome, would love Mick somehow working on getting Dean to admit his feelings for Cas by setting up a situation for them to need to have sex all together. Or a fuck-or-die situation where Mick is perfectly happy to be in the middle of a Dean & Cas sandwich while Dean is freaking out over the whole thing.

Castiel/Mary Winchester (Supernatural) - watching season 12 gave me weird Mary/Cas vibes at times, I don’t even know. But maybe it’s something about them both being “displaced” individuals - Cas always struggling to understand human behavior and emotions, Mary struggling to figure out the modern world and how to be a mother to two now grown men. I’d enjoy something exploring that, or seeking mutual comfort during the time when Dean & Sam are in prison and seemingly lost to them.

Castiel/Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester (Supernatural) - Can’t go wrong with Purgatory threesome smut, especially if there’s some jealousy and one-upmanship between Cas and Benny over Dean. It could have been fun seeing them interact post-Purgatory, too, maybe in an AU where Benny doesn’t end up dying/returning to Purgatory. Where it’s taken a long time for Cas to fully warm up to the vampire but eventually they find they have a lot in common besides loving Dean. (Both rejecting, to a large extent, who they are supposed to be as angel and vampire and instead choosing human connection?)

Anael/Castiel (Supernatural) - I like these two as casual (fallen) angel friends/fuck buddies. Just the idea that Cas has this one angel friend who is off doing her own thing, like he is, and they may not see eye-to-eye but they have a respect for each other’s choices and ways of doing things. So I’d love a story where they’re maybe working some kind of case/investigation together and, oh yeah, just happen to have sex because they’re both lonely and enjoy the connection even if it isn’t anything super serious. Alternatively, I wouldn’t mind something angsty set post 15x03 in the divorce arc—Cas goes to Anael when he’s at his lowest, maybe even hopeful that somehow she can help get Jack back? Or ease his pain? And it ends up turning into physical/sexual comfort.

Castiel/Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester (Supernatural) - I love the chaos twins Cas & Sam fucking around and finding out! And maybe needing Rowena to help them get out of some stupid bad sex/magic bind they’ve gotten themselves into. Or, Rowena and Sam are trying to work a spell together but they need a “special ingredient” that only an angel can provide...good thing they have their good buddy Cas around to help out...

CROSSOVER FANDOMS

Castiel (Supernatural TV)/Amenadiel (Lucifer Netflix)

This is one ship where I wouldn’t mind some bonding over being dads/kidfic surrounding Cas being Jack’s dad and Amenadiel being Charlie’s dad? Like, maybe they actually bond/work together as some dark force/being is crossing dimensions to kill nephilim? Otherwise any kind of situation where one gets transported to the other’s universe and is shocked by how different it is, and they grow closer while working to sort things out.

Castiel (Supernatural TV)/Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer Netflix)

Cas gets stuck in Lucifer’s world and can’t believe this version of Luci is actually...kind of nice? Understanding of why Cas didn’t want to just be a soldier for Heaven but found his own way with humanity?

Castiel (Supernatural TV)/Dean Winchester (Supernatural TV)/Lucifer (Lucifer Netflix)

More universe hopping shenanigans. Maybe Cas & Dean are tying to summon their Lucifer to trap him (or to get something they need for a spell to locate/save Jack from something)...and they end up with this other Lucifer instead? And he’s so charming and different they just can’t resist a little threesome fun. Or maybe Lucifer orchestrates to get Cas & Dean together via a threesome when he sees how much they’re pining for each other.

LAW & ORDER: SVU

John Munch/Odafin “Fin” Tutuola

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m forever happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics where they get together, or their established relationship is/puts them in danger. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining them in some other situation besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship unexpectedly develops/deepens into something more.

THE POLICE

Stewart Copeland/Sting (The Police) Stewart Copeland/Sting/Andy Summers (The Police)

Yeah I’ll always request these ships even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for Sting/Stewart or S/S/A: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs… (soulmate trio, anyone?)

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something…and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET

Kay Howard/John Munch (Homicide: Life on the Street)

Kay/John is another one of my longtime comfort OTPs; I just love them both so much and the fun contrast they present. Honestly H:LOTS is one of my all-time favorite television series, period, and I’m always happy to see more fic for it! I’d love any kind of case-fic/action-type scenario where one or both of them is injured or in danger. The stress of the situation leads to a confession of or acting on feelings. Another idea would be a post-series fic where perhaps Kay comes to New York, needing John’s help to solve an old cold case (or one that’s crossed state lines to NY). Now that they’re no longer working together they have a chance to explore feelings like they never had before?

This is a ship where I’d also definitely love that food-as-comfort trope, too: I tend to see Munch as someone who has a secret knack for being a good cook, so maybe he makes something special for Kay when she’s sick/recovering from something and it reveals a side of John she never knew or saw before.

#dear author #dear creator #rarepairs exchange

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recentanimenews · 7 years

Text

Bookshelf Briefs 7/3/17

The Demon Prince of Momochi House, Vol. 9 | Aya Shouoto | VIZ Media – The “delving into Aoi’s past” arc resolves here, after a neat reveal about the true nature of his ayakashi sister. With Himari’s help, Aoi was able to both remember and accept his past, and returns to normal. Yukari then reveals that, long ago, Aoi found a diary from Himari’s parents that mentioned their daughter eventually coming to Momochi House, and that he’s been waiting for her and performing omamori duties all that time so that the house wouldn’t consume her. This feels a little like a retcon, but I’ll allow it. Another thing I’ll oh-so-graciously allow is the final scene—it’s rather silly that Himari and Aoi are riding around on a dragon firework, but I sniffled when she was able to show him the lights of the town he’s protecting. And I was sure we’d end on a cruel cliffhanger ’til I turned the final page. A very strong volume! – Michelle Smith

Fate/Zero, Vol. 5 | By Gen Urobuchi, Type-Moon, and Shinjiro | Dark Horse – Fate/Zero continues to do what it does best: show off some excellent fights and magics while being about ten times as dark as Fate/Stay Night. The battle between Kayneth and Kirutsugu is fairly one-sided, though the real horror there is Sola-Ui’s fervent desire to cut off his arm and become Lancer’s new Master (it’s impled so she can sex him up). Iris and Maiya take on Kirei, meanwhile, and Kirei gets to show us that he’s good for a lot more than merely verbally abusing Shirou—he’s a major badass. Throw in a funnier omake than usual (the shirt ripping, I should note, not the tasteless Sakura rape joke), and you have a strong volume of Fate/Zero, a series that remains only for the strong of stomach. – Sean Gaffney

Flying Witch, Vol. 2 | By Chihiro Ishizuka | Vertical Comics – Flying Witch is shaping up to be one of those series where not much happens, but it’s enjoyable to spend time in the company of its characters. In this volume, Makoto and her cousins pick and eat some wild plants, meet a fortune teller who believes she’s been the victim of Akane’s (Makoto’s sister) magical experimentation, and make some uncanny candy that plays with snackers’ emotions. Although there wasn’t enough of Chito the kitty for my taste, there were still some funny non-verbal panels, and Chinatsu deciding that she wants to be a witch too will probably result in more hijinks and witchy worldbuilding. I look forward to it! – Michelle Smith

Giant Killing, Vol. 2 | By Masaya Tsunamoto and Tsujitomo | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – We’ve waited three months for the second volume of Giant Killing and happily, it does not disappoint! The seinen slant to this series feels surprisingly fresh, dealing as it does with adults, their career trajectories, fan loyalty, etc. In this volume, we’re introduced to a showy East Tokyo United player named Prince who might be irresponsible but has the ability to think ahead that prompts Tatsumi to name him captain. Not everyone is pleased with that decision, but Tatsumi’s strategy is proven valid when ETU scores the first goal in their match against much-favored Tokyo Victory, league champions two years running, thanks to Prince and inconsistent newcomer Tsubaki. Manga soccer matches are so much more interesting than real-life soccer matches! Only a month to wait for volume three! – Michelle Smith

The High School Life of a Fudanshi, Vol. 1 | By Atami Michinoku | Seven Seas – Seventeen-year-old Ryo is a closet fudanshi. He has shared his secret with his friend, Nakamura, and throughout a series of 4-koma strips, proceeds to explain his hobby, fanboy over a couple of guys he thinks are gay, make friends with a fujoshi, attend a doujinshi event, recoil when a couple of attendees think he is gay, etc. Exceedingly few punchlines are even slightly amusing, and most are downright lame. Too, the treatment of a flamboyant gay character is problematic. I did smile at Ryo’s reaction to the squishy sound effects on a BL drama CD, and completely sympathize with the geeky logic of refusing to pay $40 for a shirt while eagerly dropping the same amount on fandom items, but I shan’t be continuing this series. – Michelle Smith

The Honor Student at Magic High School, Vol. 7 | By Tsutomu Sato and Yu Mori | Yen Press – Most of this volume is devoted to manga-only characters and battles, with Amy getting a taste of the spotlight and showing that she can be a funny gag character while still having dramatic scenes. More to the point, her victory here reinforces what we know from the novels—people who have Tatsuya help them win, people who don’t do not. As such, what we really need is a battle between two competitors who Tatsuki can help equally, and that’s Shizuku and Miyuki. The confrontation isn’t going to be seen till next time, and thanks to the books we know how it turns out, but there are some nice scenes with Shizuku and Tatsuya to show off her determination and will. A very good side manga. – Sean Gaffney

Of the Red, the Light, and the Ayakashi, Vol. 7 | By nanao and HaccaWorks* | Yen Press – There’s certainly a lot more forward movement than we’d had in the past couple of volumes, though I still spend some time needing to remind myself which pretty boy is which when we start a new book. I was happy to see Hina come to the rescue of her brother, even if it meant the realization that she too is not what she seems and not really his sister, though she cherished their time together. As for Yue, he’s still—for some reason—having trouble connecting the dots between ‘eating’ someone and ‘killing’ them, which unfortunately makes his naivete a bit aggravating right now. Still, his basic decency is all that’s standing between this title and a bloodbath, so I’ll give it to him. – Sean Gaffney

The Water Dragon’s Bride, Vol. 2 | By Rei Toma | VIZ Media – I had hoped for something more substantial from this volume, and I think Toma-sensei delivers. By far, the standout character for me in this series is the water god, so I loved seeing him begin to feel compassion, not only healing Asahi, but spending a lot of time watching over her. (These nonverbal panels are my favorites.) In his annoyance with the humans, he lets loose a flood that shows them that Asahi is under his protection, and it seems she is thereafter left alone, for years swiftly pass and we conclude the volume with she and Subaru looking like teenagers. I’m definitely intrigued to see where the story goes from here, and hope I’m able to get a stronger sense of Asahi herself. (I did like the part where she buried a fish, though.) – Michelle Smith

By: Michelle Smith

#Anime #News #Manga Bookshelf

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muunmomma · 8 years

Text

It’s now 19 years later and I still recall the way he first touched me. I was standing on the rail watching the other dancers circle the floor. I felt someone trace a knuckle gently across my lower back. My spine tingled with the simple touch. The energy in that gesture was enough to get me hooked. He then asked for a dance. From that moment on he became my amazing dance partner, lover and friend.

JB was 11 years older than me. He lived in LA and was a professional. I was in nursing school but worked as an aide. He seemed to be a world away from my simple life. He was destined for greatness, I still was figuring out what it meant to be an adult, already immersed in my addictions. We began to chat on the phone until he invited me over.

The first time I went to his little house in West Los Angeles I was dressed in my grandmother's lovely, vintage dresses. He had asked me to wear it. I enjoyed showing off my pretty dress. He had an idea to drive out to Hermosa beach. I mentioned that Hermosa meant beautiful. He replied, that's why we're going there, because you're beautiful. I was 21 years old, innocent but wanted the world. I left that dress at his house accidentally. Of course I had to come back to retrieve it later.

We walked out to the sand on Hermosa beach, holding hands and talking. I remember lying on my back in the sand with him hovering over, kissing me endlessly with the moon shining overhead. It was a clear night.We talked about how well we danced on the floor, and how that would mean we have good bedroom chemistry. He took me back to his place and carried me to bed. I treasure the memory of him taking off my shoes after gently lying me on the bed. He was only the 2nd man I'd ever been intimate with. It was magical. My first boyfriend was puppy love, this was passion and devotion. This was the passion you read about in books.

From then on we were dancing and being intimate often. I would always wait for him to call. Back then I only had a land line. He'd call the evening of our usual dance night and I'd just answer with "yes, I'll be there". I knew what he wanted to see me and dance.

This gentle soul taught me how to surrender. Not only as a lover but as his dance partner. I was not allowed to ask him for a dance at the honky-tonk dance hall. I had to wait for him to approach me. I'd see his gaze from across the crowded hall, eyes that said 'come to me' and right to him I ran. I can't tell you how I learned to let that man move me to the music. It just became an extension of myself. The rhythm of the beat kept driving us forward. I will never forget how to move my feet to that rhythm. That two-step to a four-count beat. The 90's country played the soundtrack of those days. Chris Le Doux, Hal Ketchum, Dwight Yoakum, Gary Allan, Clay Walker.. they moved my soul.

He is was the best dancer a girl could ever ask for. When I was in his arms, the world stood still while our bodies moved in rhythm. I learned how to move the way he wanted my body to move. We'd waltz and cha-cha finding our own way to interpret the music. We danced circles around everyone else. I let go and let him lead. To be able to truly learn how to let go is do enchanting. The one time (and I mean only one time) He dropped me, He just picked me right back up and kept moving as if nothing had happened. That chemistry we created has lasted all these years.

He used to wear a cowboy hat for a long time. Its the whole Western theme out there in California, you see. Eventually he decided to take off his hat. What he found after that is that we could be closer to each other when we danced. I remember us biting each other playfully after a particularly great dance. I even remember that he had stopped dancing with me so frequently and then resumed. He said that he had not realized what he was missing, keeping apart from me. I asked him once which he liked more, dancing or sex. His reply was "dancing is sex". I recall one time I fed him a mint and he bit my fingers ever so slightly. So sexy. His name for me was Jamiegirl. He'd say that in his sweet, soothing sensual voice. God, I loved that man.

I would work an evening shift, call him and beg to come over. He'd finally agree. I'd race to his house. Late one night I walked up the drive to his home. He met me at the door in the dark with only a candle for light with a tender look on his face. We'd fall into each other's arms. He'd carry me to bed and gently make love to me. We'd wake up in the morning and I beg him to make love to me again. He would let me stay over and sleep in. Every time I would get up during the night He would kiss me when I returned to the bed and then snuggle me close. I remember one morning he just laid in bed next to me. I woke to him staring at me, I blushed when he said he just liked to watch me sleep.

One night that I'd stayed over, we walked to a coffee shop in the morning. He sat facing me very close. He touched my legs and fawned over me constantly, introducing me to friends. I was enthralled, enraptured. The world was glowing. I had never had a man treat me like a Goddess before. One night I walked him out to his car after dancing. We had a fabulous make out session. A week later , the print of my hand was still on his window. Our passion left behind reminders of those moments. He used to help me into his car and put on my seat belt for me. He was so tender.

I was with him when the world got the news that JFK Jr. had been found dead. Silly us laughed at the beach they called "gay head". I miss those early LA mornings when the sky was overcast and the world was new. Oh, to have those moments back if even just for an hour.

He had been getting some Chinese themed work done on his upper arm, the character of the horse and a Pegasus. He is year of the Horse, I am the Snake. I had been wanting to get a Chinese written tattoo. I wanted it to say Daughter of the Sun and Moon. He helped to research a tattoo for me and found the phrase "essence of the sun and moon". He took me to his tattoo artist in Hollywood. He held my hands while the artist inscribed the words onto my spine. I winced and he said "oh that sweet sting". I have a piece of him with me always.

He came to my place and spent Christmas Eve with me one year. I was overjoyed that he had come to my home. I kept staring at him in disbelief that he was actually there.He would stay over at my house a few times after that but Christmas was the first time. We stayed up late talking and being intimate. I was able to wake up Christmas morning to the man I loved and say Merry Christmas. The family picture I took that day had me smiling ear to ear with a very happy grin..

I spent many a memorable time with him at his house. One early day we lay on his black leather couch while listening to an entire BB King album. Our times together were precious. He never did get as close to me as I wished. I wanted to be his everything but sadly it was just an affair. I ate up every moment of it all.I guess we were sort of dating but no commitment. We were lovers and friends. I wanted to be his one and only. But as the years have passed I discovered that he struggled with making connections. To this day doesn't have someone close to him.

One night we were waiting for our dancing friends to arrive. We were going to drive about an hour away to another dance hall. We were in his low lit front room. He held me close as we slow danced lost in the moment in each other's arms. He would never slow dance with me in the club. I look up to see Paul and Jill starting at us through the screen door with shocked expressions. Jill asked me later how long He and I had been together, I told her it had been a while. She was friends with the woman he was supposedly 'officially' dating. I was proud that my friend now knew about the relationship we shared. My dirty, little secret was out in the open. I felt so proud that night.

Because we weren't an official item, just lovers; I was to keep things private at the dance hall. That is why He would call for me when he was ready and I wasn't allowed to ask him to dance. I'd eagerly await for my turn in his arms. I'd watch his every move until those eyes caught mine and to the floor I ran. I would have to wait to come over to his house when he was free. It would happen infrequently at times. This give and take did not matter to me, I took every ounce I could.

The funny thing is that our affair lasted way beyond his connection to any other woman. I think he realized what an amazing connection we shared. I remember clearly her dancing on the larger floor at the large dance hall we'd travel to. He and I were dancing on the upper floor. She looked at me with an air of disdain. I smiled and knew that at that moment I had him in my arms. I felt special and wanted by the man I loved. She did not have a turn. Maybe they were not dating any longer.

After I began to date my eldest's father, we all drove out to the dance hall in Arrowhead. We met at his house. I walked in like I owned the place and helped myself in the kitchen. The girl he was dating looked at me with a shocked expression. We all road in the same car. JB brought the girl he was seeing and my guy sat in the back with them. I was in the front seat, Jill was driving. JB sat back there for the long ride and teased the hell out of me, saying all kinds of sexy, inside jokes. I was mortified with our respective partners sitting back there next to him. I was laughing too and felt special to be favored and included in his teasing.

We grew apart when I wasn't going to the dance hall any longer. I went to visit him on my way to a friend's baby shower. He was overwhelmed by the ample changes my body made after pregnancy. I actually had to smack his hands out of my shirt as he tried to grab at my breasts, I was laughing. He was obsessed with my chest. I even cheated on her father with him one morning as I left a job in Beverly Hills. Coming home with evidence of our lovemaking still in my hair. So grateful that they have stayed voluptuous. I had called him and told him that I needed him. It had been so long since we'd seen each other. I remember him dipping down to me like a hummingbird to a flower. He made love to me ever so gently as always, oh that man!

I plan to go back out to California in the spring to visit family and see him once more. So incredible to find out that he yet dances with that old girlfriend of his. And here I come to usurp her once more. I laugh because I am younger and more pleasing. She may have him to dance with now but here nearly two decades later, here I come to claim him once more. I know she still gets to dance with him, probably every week but that's OK. I still get my magical night with him.

I asked him once how did he ever learn to dance as well as he did. He said that a close male friend of his took him to a dance hall one night. When he walked in and saw the dancers twirling around he just knew that was what he wanted. That same friend taught him how to dance in a living room. I'll have to ask him how many years he had been dancing before we met.I would be so curious to know. He was the best dancer, I can't wait to be in his arms once more.

I told him that I would hate to have to share him when I come back out. I asked him to plan it out that way. I will be sure that my desire is clearly stated. I will have my way..He did say he'd work out the plans so we could be more connected. Awwwww...I'm dreaming of seeing him again. Just the thought of being able to have him all to myself for one night is making me quiver. Before I would always have to share and wait for him. Even if I he does not dance with me continuously, I will be pleased to just be there with him. Thank heavens our favorite bar is still open and spinning country tunes.

Maybe we can snuggle and kiss between songs, or maybe it'll be like old times where I had to wait.It will be a long awaited dream come true. To have him all to myself for the whole night of dancing. What a wonderful, anticipated night that will be. I've now found the motivation to get fit and trim so that I can endure the long night of dancing and hopefully debauchery after that. I have been making progress, losing weight and gaining muscle tone. He told me that he was proud that I was trying to meet my goal but that I was always a cutie to him no matter what. He doesn't want me to lose too much weight and lose my chest! That gives me such confidence as I struggle with my weight and my figure.

I'll be sure to fill in the details when that time comes along. I will likely write an entire story about it. Details and debauchery included!! Until then, I'll work on becoming fit and slimmer. And prepare my spirit to surrender to his touch. I hope to bed him well that night. But that my friends, is up to the gods. He has however expressed a desire to bed me but again, I'll take it as it comes.

He's been sending me messages and interacting with me more which makes me happy. I now know that all that fun we had was not just in my head. He has good memories of me too! Of course he does, we had a great season together. I recently dreamed of him, dancing and making love. The biggest obstacle for me is to take him as he is and accept what he can give as an offering. I need to approach him with that mind-set. I have to remember that who we were 20 years ago, may not be who we are today.

To this day I consider him my first true love. I found love and surrender in his arms, if only for a season.We have remained friends throughout the years. I still adore those memories and try to keep them alive. It makes me happy to think back on these days. JB Baby, I'll love you always. You will always be my dancing daddy.

#bbking #fristlove #dancng #memories #jazz #twosteppin #country #music #90s #love affair #passion #fun #rythm #crush #love #i love him #comeback #once again #forever #who i am

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