#i remember specifically it was december 2021

[bluebellthesponge]

i completely forgot that my own copy of the communist manifesto includes historical artwork to illustrate the ideas and talking points with artwork

obviously reading material it’s not necessary at all but i just think it’s neat that the copy 16 year old me found at a half price books happened to be this one

[eggmeralda]

happy 10th anniversary to when I started remembering everything forever

[skid-the-mighty-poet]

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

Everything we know about Yellowjackets Season 3 so far (and some theories)…

Please feel free to add on if I missed anything in a comment or reblog!

Filming schedule and potential release date

Yellowjackets Season 3 filming began on May 14th and will wrap up on October 24th. They are filming primarily in Vancouver, Canada.

According to an article from Deadline, Season 3 will not be released until “early 2025.” However, if we look at the filming to release date patterns for Seasons 1 and 2, we could potentially get Season 3 a bit earlier or, at the very least, in very early 2025. Season 1 wrapped filming in September 2021 and started airing episodes in November 2021. Similarly, Season 2 ended filming in February 2023 and started airing in March 2023. So, feasibly, we could get Season 3 any time from December 2024 to February 2025🤞

There will be a time skip in the teen timeline (and possibly the adult timeline)

So, as many of us know, official Yellowjackets social media accounts posted these behind the scenes photos for the first day of filming Season 3 on May 14th:

These photos are for the filming of 3x01, and they show that the girls are clearly not struggling to survive the winter anymore. There is no snow on the ground and everything is green and growing, indicating that it is now Spring in the teen timeline. A short video of the Yellowjackets theme song with clips of flowers growing interspersed throughout it was also posted on the Yellowjackets social media accounts, supporting that Season 3 takes place in the Spring.

We see some makeshift shelters made of wood in the background of these photos, as well, so it looks like there will be a time skip to when the girls have started to build a new civilization for themselves. It is unclear if we’ll see any scenes immediately following the cabin burning down, or if they’re just going to plop the viewers down a few months later in Spring. I’m hoping they explain how they got to this point at least a little bit, though! Even if it’s just through flashbacks. Season 2 did start us off 2 months after Jackie’s death, though, and we never really got to see any scenes of the immediate aftermath of that.

And there may be a time skip in adult timeline, as well. Someone on Twitter (can’t remember their username, please share if you know!) shared this photo of a Yellowjackets filming site:

The photo shows a poster for an art museum exhibit taking place at the end of 2023. The Twitter user said that the bus stop and poster shown here were built by the Yellowjackets crew and were taken down when the filming wrapped at this location, which means this poster was created specifically for the show. Also, this exhibit doesn’t exist in real life and that photo is a stock image. This implies that there will be a 2 year time skip in the adult timeline, as Seasons 1 and 2 took place in 2021. Once again, I hope they show us some of the immediate aftermath of the Season 2 finale and don’t just skip over it! I want to see how the survivors handle Nat’s death!

Walter is back, the actress for Gen was replaced, Nat’s hair is grown out! (finally), and Nat still wears Jackie’s heart necklace in Season 3…

Yellowjackets also posted a behind the scenes video of their first day of filming Season 3:

Walter is back for Season 3 as Elijah Wood states in the video. Many of the other cast members are shown as well, (Jasmin, Sammi, both Sophies, Courtney, etc.) all of whom we expected to return.

But one person that is absent from this video is Mya Lowe, the actress that played Gen in Season 2. Mya appears to have left Yellowjackets in pursuit of a Netflix show she is filming right now, and therefore she has been replaced by actress Vanessa Prasad, whom we can briefly see in this video.

We can also see that Nat’s roots are finally growing out! And Jackie’s gold heart necklace that Shauna placed around her neck before the hunt scene in 2x08 is still on her! Which might mean the heart necklace now serves as a symbol of her leadership (at least until it gets placed on Pit Girl’s neck).

Ella Purnell’s possible return

There have been quite a few clues that Ella Purnell, who played Jackie Taylor, may be returning for Season 3 despite the death of her character.

First, this photo was posted to Instagram, which shows Ella Purnell in Vancouver during Yellowjackets filming dates:

Yellowjackets does film in Vancouver, and Ella Purnell didn’t really have any excuse for being there at the time. Her time there would definitely align with the Yellowjackets filming schedule.

Also, Ella posted a picture of herself in a filming trailer that looks identical to the filming trailers used on the Yellowjackets set, as we can see in this photo of Sophie Nelisse (young Shauna) in her trailer:

Literally identical (look at the lights, the cabinets, the microwave!) Could the “new project” Ella is referring to be Yellowjackets Season 3?

Lastly, we have this IMDb screenshot for 3x03, which lists a person playing Ella Purnell’s stunt double:

This could be an error on IMDb’s part but with all of the other clues it’s looking like Jackie might make a Season 3 appearance! She could be appearing as a ghost/hallucination again like she did in Season 2, or we might be getting some pre-crash scenes! Especially considering that there’s a stunt double needed, maybe we’ll get pre-crash soccer scenes?

Adult Taivan scenes!!

Reddit user galaxyvixen claimed to be an extra on Season 3 of Yellowjackets and posted these behind the scenes photos:

It appears that adult Van and Tai are going to see Kill Bill together in this scene, and they look pretty cozy together (look how close their hands are!) so I think it's very likely that we'll see a romantic reunion plot line between adult Van and Tai this season. Also interesting to note, the Reddit user who posted these photos captioned them "Columbia St, New Westminster B.C. Can't wait for December!"

What do they mean by December???? Could that be the release date for Season 3? The original poster never really explained this and has now deleted this post. Take the December information with a grain of salt, though, because I highly doubt that the crew would tell an extra on set a highly secretive release date.

Jennifer Morrison Directing (and BTS adult Lottie shots!)

Jennifer Morrison (known for playing Emma Swan on Once Upon a Time) has been confirmed to be directing at least one Season 3 episode (but maybe two?) She posted a confirmation to her IG story and some BTS photos and videos of her directing Simone Kessell (AKA adult Lottie) were released.

Notice how Lottie's jacket here is so similar to the one she wears in the Wilderness! Also, she is exiting what appears to be a government building called "Atlantic Coast Trust." Maybe she's settling her father's estate? Maybe it has something to do with her getting out of the psychiatric hospital? Maybe she was summoned to court for some reason?

The bonus episode

Both the cast and writers have confirmed that there will be a bonus episode in between Seasons 2 and 3 to make up for the fact that Season 2 only had 9 episodes. Ashley Lyle, a show runner and writer, has said this bonus episode will release "closer to S3." The episode has already been filmed and features Melanie Lynskey's husband, Jason Ritter. Sophie Nelisse has said that she and the rest of the main cast were not present for filming, indicating that none of the main characters will be in this episode. Some photos from the set of this bonus episode were released:

These show Jason Ritter holding a baby, and he is wearing the plaid coat that the girls found on Cabin Guy's body in the attic. The cabin also appears to be in the background. Because of these photos, many people think the bonus episode will be about Cabin Guy. We got an interesting piece of information from a deleted scene in the script of 2x07:

The letter Van finds in this episode seems to have been written by Cabin Guy's wife or Cabin Guy himself. It mentions a baby, possibly the baby seen in the leaked photos. Bear with me here, but I think that this baby could potentially still be alive and could actually be the "friend" that kept Javi alive during the winter. She may have run away after something bad went down with her father, and found refuge in the tree stump all these years. She could be a teenager like the rest of them now and could be responsible for moving Crystal's body. Maybe the bonus episode will reveal this? Either way, I do think there is a good chance that the bonus episode will be centered around Cabin Guy. I think the episode could be released around Halloween or maybe in December around Christmas.

The FBI is involved?

Someone found a Yellowjackets filming location at Trout Lake and snapped a photo of the set:

The photo shows an FBI truck on the set. Could this be a post-rescue scene? Or perhaps the FBI has launched an investigation into the deaths of Adam Martin, Kevyn Tan, and Natalie in the adult timeline? Either way this photo has me excited.

More behind the scenes photos

Sophie Nelisse posted (and promptly deleted) this photo on her story. It looks like we'll be getting a scene of Shauna in the lake. Many people have said that the other girl in the white dress is Courtney Eaton, so Lottie may be involved in this scene too (and possibly wearing Laura Lee's night gown?) As much as I would love this to be a Shauna baptism scene, I just can't fully tell if that's Courtney or not.

And then we also have these set photos posted by Sammi Hanratty which have also now been deleted. They show some pretty impressive wooden huts and structures in the background, showing that the girls are really building their own little society out in the Wilderness. I also love the detail of the airplane seat placed by the firewood.

Joel McHale

Yellowjackets posted on all of their social medias recently that Joel McHale (Community, The Bear) will play a new recurring character in Season 3. Some people are speculating that he may be playing an older Paul (Coach Ben’s boyfriend), and I do see the resemblance and would personally love that.

Interviews

Christina Ricci had this to say about Yellowjackets Season 3:

And Ashley Lyle said the girls are "thriving" in Season 3 in the teen timeline and stated that Season 3 is a "return to Season 1" in terms of vibes and general atmosphere.

--

Overall, I am so so excited and they need to hurry the fuck up with this season! I literally cannot wait any longer. Here's to hoping that we'll at least get a release date confirmed soon...

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

[littlest-bugz]

Was I supposed to know that???

[a non-definitive list of things I wish I had known in early CDD system discovery]

When you are first discovering your system, or are just finding out you have some form of CDD [complex dissociative disorder], things can be really confusing and scary. Memories and Alters may surface, you might get more dissociative symptoms [or become aware of them], and just a bunch more that adds to a feeling of disorientation with your own life and identity. Things are uncertain and stressful, but I assure you, everything is okay and you will come out on top of things safely!

In the beginning of rediscovering my own system in 2021, I was really lost because I didn't turn to the internet for resources or go to professionals for help. I was almost entirely in the blind when I was getting to know my system! I didn't interact with any other systems or seek out CDD specific advice and care until December of 2023. That's all to say I was in a similar position as you may be. I was quite lost, confused, and scared as I was coming to terms with the fact that I, as an alter, did not have full control over the body and what we did, and that my memory could, and had, fail me. It was just an uncertain time, but now that I'm into recovery, I know that there are things that would've helped me going into system discovery...

If you're an already discovered system [i.e. you already know and have established contact], maybe you will learn something new or maybe you will come out with a new outlook on something! Or it might not help at all! Which is okay because everyone is different!

That being said... Strap in! this post is EXTREMELY long! [this is not an understatement- this post is criminally long]

Notes : Before I jump into the numerous points of this post, I have to preface this post with the fact of this post may be discouraging at times. I'm being so serious, but in my opinion, this post has important points. The only issue is that what I'm saying can come across as negative or fakeclaim-y, but I am not fake claiming anyone in this post! Do not take what I say personally!! I don't know who's reading this! You could be my best friend or a stranger from across the world! So you have to remember to take things with a grain of salt because, as you'll see immediately in the first point you know you better than anyone else does. I do not know you personally, nor do I know your system or situation. Take what resonates with you, and leave the rest, if that makes sense? Just hear me out before you dismiss this post as not worth your time.

Now we can actually get into the post!

-> DO NOT LET SOCIAL MEDIA WARP YOUR PERCEPTION OF CDDS OR YOUR SYSTEM

This is more a warning than the rest of this post because this is THE MOST important part of early system discovery. While I did not personally engage in most social medias during my own system discovery, this is a point I know will be important for others, especially those in early system discovery... But what do I mean by this?

Well, for starters, this is the main reason why a lot of systems struggle with validating themselves and their system. It is not healthy to compare your system to other systems. It is not healthy to look at other systems, not relate, and think that somehow means you're not a 'real system'. While sharing experiences and discussing your system, as well as listening to the experiences of other systems, is beneficial, comparing yourself to other systems will make you feel like shit. This is where a majority of posts dealing with invalidity come from. You let the internet and misinformation to shape how you view systemhood as a whole.

The notion that a large alter count is invalid is from social media.

The notion that a system is 'too complex' is from social media.

The notion that there is such a thing as too many introjects is from social media.

Seriously, I could go on. These do not matter at all, and those are not the only examples I have seen [just the most common]. Having a complex system, being introject heavy, and/or having a large system are all seen in scientific material, so the notion that it somehow makes you invalid is based in comparison and social media misinformation. You need to keep your head on your shoulders when interacting with social media, or you will damage your relationship with systemhood. Not to mention, you may internalize misinformation!

For some, not comparing themselves to others is MUCH easier said than done. I used to be one of those people! And I still am sometimes! but that's something I am working on. Which... For the sake of not only you as an alter, but also your system, I am seriously suggesting you to work on validating yourself via self help or a therapist. From one system to another, working on this will limit your denial phases and imposter syndrome. Like I said before, I'm a chronic compare-er, but when I learned to validate myself and my system, I no longer go through denial phases as a collective. Self Validation is the biggest key to flourishing as not only as a system, but also a key to thriving in life. Obviously validation from other's isn't harmful in any capacity and is very much required to flourish as a person too, but you seriously shouldn't give a fuck about people online who try to invalidate your system or system structure. Let me repeat that in a more direct way...

YOU KNOW YOU BETTER THAN SOME ASSHOLE ON THE INTERNET.

You know you even better than me too! Obviously!

With self validation, I will not leave you empty handed because simply saying "do this" is not enough for this point. I'll give you a few links and resources that will help kickstart your journey into self validation while discovering your system.

Here's my self-help link masterlist for self validation [this is a link]

-> POINT ONE ALSO INCLUDES AVOIDING SYSCOURSE.

I cannot stress how bad syscourse is for you, especially in early system discovery. From what I have seen from the very few syscourse blogs I follow, as well as mutuals and friends i talk to, it is draining and harmful for your mental health. I don't personally believe in engaging with syscourse, so I avoid it when I can- maybe I'll read a post or two, but I don't throw myself or system into it. I can imagine debating can be fun, but most syscourse is not real debating. Emphasis on *most* because I have seen real debate in syscourse spaces. Sadly though, the majority of posts I see within syscourse tags are either riddled with misinformation- from both of the sides of syscourse- or are filled with unwarranted vitriol [again, from both sides]. Not to mention the MANY posts of well researched systems just tiredly correcting the same things over and over and over again. My advice? Ignore it! Just stick to the silly memes, text posts, ask games, and informational posts. If later, when you feel more secure in your system and you want to engage with it, I support that! Just avoid it in the beginning.

-> Trauma is the response to the event, NOT the event

Thankfully, I've seen this talked about more than once in the system community, but I think it's important to talk about this here too. In order to explain this point properly, we have to discuss what trauma is. So... what is trauma?

" [Psychological] Trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions, in which: 1. The individual's ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed, or 2. The individual experiences (subjectively) a threat to life, bodily integrity, or sanity. (Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995, p. 60) " [source]

What does this mean in the context of CDDs?

For one, a lot of systems have a hard time seeing certain traumas as traumatic for whatever reason, and for two, it's important to be reminded of this fact when going through system discovery. It's very common to be dissociated from all or most of your trauma in some fashion, whether it be emotional amnesia or black out amnesia. That means it doesn't 'feel' traumatic or there just isn't anything there. As you go through system discovery, its very highly likely that you, or your alters, will uncover trauma of some kind. Whether it be examples of emotional neglect or specific traumas, but sometimes it can be hard to accept that it was trauma or that you went through whatever. It's also common for people to misconstrue that trauma is a specific type of event when it just. is not. A lot of things can be traumatic, and someone's reaction to the same trauma will even be different.

TW: Car Crash talk, but nothing graphic.

I'll give you an example. Imagine four people got into a car crash together. Each person will have a unique response to that event. The driver becomes deeply traumatized and can never step foot in a car, the front passenger finds a weird thrill in it and seeks out similar experiences, back passenger one is traumatized but able to work through it, and the final passenger walks out fine, with no trauma. This is an example of that fact- that everyone reacts differently to the same or a similar event. One person can be deeply traumatized by, let's say, bullying, but another person may learn how to not care about what people think.

Trauma is unique to you, and you alone. What you find traumatic will not be exactly the same as another person.

I will say there are exceptions I can think of where it is always traumatic for a child, but it applies there too. Each child's response to a certain trauma is unique. This point kind of lines up perfectly with the next point because the very common misconception that trauma IS the event is built in misinformation and social media comparison [there it is again].

-> You should do your own research, but keep in mind some of the information you will find about CDDs may be outdated or filled with misinformation.

This is also important when you're getting to know your system because the first step to system discovery is doing research on your diagnosis or suspected disorder. It can help with validation because it is an external source of it! Seeing a medical paper or article that describes symptoms that align with yours is super validating! Not to mention seeing more than just one? It's amazing how much it truly helps with validation! HOWEVER. I would also extend your research into other dissociative disorders [such as DR/DP, P-DID, OSDD etc], as well as Maladaptive Daydreaming, since you may find co-morbidities or that your experience lines up better with another disorder. This is not to say you AREN'T a system, but it is an important point to bring up. It can just be that you have a different type of system than you thought! For example, believing you're an OSDD system, only to discover with research that your experience aligns more with DID.

This leads into the fact that when you're doing research on DID or any other of the CDDs that exist, you are likely to encounter misinformation, whether it be outdated information in articles or reading something on tumblr that just isn't factual! This can be confusing and mess up your ideas on what a system might look like or present as. It can even affect how you view your own system! That's why you have to do your own research! Researching can even bring validation to your experience when you research CDDs!

I will provide a few cursory resources that you may want to read as you begin researching! Keep in mind that these links do NOT account for full, proper research. This is just your kickstart!

Here's the masterlist of cursory DID research links [this is a link]

I will also add that looking into other's experience with CDDs is also a part of research! It's important to look into the experiences of other systems, but keep in mind the first point regarding self validation and comparison.

-> Identity, even in CDDs, is fluid.

A very basic and simple sum up of what DID is:

DID is the result of an inability to integrate the facets of an individuals personality during early childhood, usually due to multiple trauma-based reactions [such as neglect, abuse, natural disaster, war and other adverse experiences]. (Thank u Circ for ur help!!)

... and why do I bring this up?

Within a person who has integrated, and therefor does not have a CDD, those facets all still exist. The only difference is that they are more cohesive and as one, but all the facets are are still there. Identity within EVERYONE is fluid. Things change for even singlets! As you grow as a person, your identity shifts to reflect what you have learned. Like someone might find a gender identity they hadn't heard of that feels just right or they come across a new term that fits them better than the previous one- or they use it for a while and feel it doesn't fit them in the end. Things like this happen to everyone, including individual alters. This means you may have an alter that identifies as one gender, one sexuality, and it may change- that can be REALLY confusing as you're discovering your system because you may assume that it's a new alter all together, when it isn't.

Why I wish I knew this in early system discovery is because it would've saved me A LOT of headache when trying to log and keep track of alters. It can get really draining when you assume that every little identity shift is a new alter when it just simply is not. Sometimes it is, especially in systems where the alters present as very similar to each other, but I would stick to assuming they are not an alter until proven otherwise. This really only applies when you think you are a new alter, and not when it is through internal communication because, in my opinion, internal communication is more reliable when you're tracking alters. It's good to have an alter to 'back you up' so to speak, but it won't always be like that, especially in the beginning. This kind of leads me into my next point of this point [haha... point-ception].

-> System Discovery, and systemhood, in general, is a lot of guesstimations [guess work].

I just recently saw a post about this in the CDD tags. I actually think it's by the same author of the tumblr post I linked, but I wanted to elaborate and go into it in my own perspective. A lot of discovering your system is guess work and reading 'vibes'. This applies to a lot of aspects of systemhood- from an alter's identity to you're headcount [which I will get to later in this point]. It makes everything extremely confusing, meaning it can cause you to feel confused and discouraged, and memories that surface may seem unreal. When it comes to validating yourself and your system, you need to keep in mind that, once again, you know you better than someone else. Sometimes, there won't be external validation for things that come up with your system, such as memories that seem to have 'no evidence', but my therapist gave me some advice for this; if it's affecting you as if it's real, it's best to treat it like it is. This applies to things like body and other flashbacks. Maybe even extending to you thinking you may have a system! You have to learn to validate from the inside to know that, regardless of if it's ""real"" or not, it affects you. Does that make sense? If not I can make a follow up post to better clarify.

I mentioned headcount, and I do want to elaborate on that especially. Your Alter count is a huge amount of guess work, and is never really "concrete". You will never know cut and dry the amount of alters in your system because things fluctuate and identity is fluid. You will likely see people with a listed, exact alter count, and while that is there lived experience, things even change with people you see on the internet.

-> Alters can lie

This one is possibly the most discouraging part of this post, but a very important point to bring up. Alters, despite being the result of a failure to integrate as a child, are very much like their own people [at least, when differentiated], and people can, and do, lie. This is not to say you can’t trust your alters, but rather a reminder to be mindful when interacting with your alters, especially if you’re working with a persecutor of some kind. This is one of the ways your brain defends itself within CDDs, and isn’t any sort of moral failing on you or your alters. Alters lying can look like lying about your trauma [either exaggerating or hiding it], lying about themself, lying about aspects of the system, or other different ways.

For my fellow OCD havers ;

This is something that still messes me up with my OCD. Here is my advice to you ; if there is an alter you trust more than the others, ask for their help to be a rationalizer when you're talking to alters you feel you may not trust as much as the others. This works best if it's a gatekeeper, but it's not a necessity for the alter to be one. This is not meant to be an interrogation. It's meant to help with cross referencing. One alter might say one thing to that alter, but tell you another thing. Otherwise, my advice is to remember that if it's affecting you as if it's real, it's best to treat it like it is.

-> Start keeping a nightly journal.

Whether this be in the notes app or in a physical journal, trust me, this is a good one. Not only will it help you keep a good grasp on what your days look like, but it can also encourage external communication, which is one of the most reliable ways to communicate as a system. Sometimes it can be hard to get everyone to get on board with journaling, but I encourage you to try. I would say that you try to subconciously try to build up the idea of doing things even when you don't want to- its a hard thing to do, but if I can do it, I have confidence in the majority of people who read this post... Keep the journal in a noticeable place, or if it's on your phone, make sure that it is easily accessible. There are plenty of apps that can be used to journal as a system.

What to do if journaling is not accessible ;

If for, whatever reason, you can not write in a physical journal, or type on your phone or computer, I suggest taking voice recorded journal entries. An audio log! Not only will it make you feel cool and like you're from a detective movie [or maybe that's just me lol], but it also accomplishes the same exact purpose as having a physical journal. It can even make it easier for you if you have struggles reading. HOWEVER, if you don't feel safe enough to keep an audio log, I would go towards an app that you can use [but if it's not accessible, negate this whole point].

-> Communication is hard, but once you learn the basics, it only goes up from there.

In the system community, you're mainly interacting with other systems who have already established some form of communication within their system. It can be discouraging to see so many systems who have a grasp on communication, but you don't have any.

Learning any form of system communication, external or internal, is a learning curve. HOWEVER. When you learn the basics of any communication, it only gets easier.

Here's a link to a post full of links aimed at building communication between systems [this is a link]

With that, I'm going to end the post here! I could honestly make more points, and if there's really a need, I'll reblog with additions, but I think this is good start! I hope you learned something from this long post, and feel free to send in asks if you need any clarification! I might not be speedy to answer, but I'll do my best.

And your final reminder that I'm not a medical professional, just a system trying to help other systems.

Thank you for reading my post, and I hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening!

[duchessonfire]

ONE YEAR OF CEGAN

On this day last year (December 20th, 2023), I posted the first chapter of Nothing Left to Save, the second part of my Savior!Carl AU series. I had completed the first part all the way back in 2021, after binge-watching The Walking Dead again during lockdown, and I hadn't touched it for over two years. Every once in a while, I would re-read part 1 and look at all the wonderful comments that people left on it and tell myself that one day I'd write part 2. For almost three years, I would add little plot lines to the word document in my files. Then, in November 2023, I was finally done with my PhD and on top of absolute relief, I also felt the need to be creative again. I'd written almost exclusively Marvel for the past two years and I felt that my well for that fandom had run a bit dry. So, out of curiosity, I played the first episode of The Walking Dead on Netflix and I opened my Word document for part 2.

I could never imagine that this would lead to my most creative year ever on AO3. Between December 20, 2023 and today, I wrote almost 400k!! That is mind-blowing to me, especially considering that my total wordcount on AO3 since I opened my account in 2018 is almost 700k. In one year, I wrote more than half of that total wordcount. And all of it was for the Cegan fandom, which is especially insane when I think about how it all started.

More on this under the cut:

One thing that stands out to me most of all is that all these numbers happened in the Cegan fandom, which is a very small community. Back when I was posting part 1 of my Savior Carl!AU in 2021, the engagement was very small and sparse. I think I would get maybe 5 or 10 kudos between updates and two or three comments on each chapter. Back then, I was writing mainly for myself and every update was a labor of frustration as much as love. I had fallen into Cegan hard during my TWD re-watch on Netflix and I had tentatively tried to dip my toe into the Cegan fandom on Tumblr.

(Funny thing: I hadn't created a Tumblr account yet and decided to look at the Cegan tag to see if I could find a community there. What I found instead was harassment and hate spewed by antis all over the tag. It scared me so much that I closed Tumblr and didn't start an account until I got into Marvel. Honestly, I'm probably downplaying how utterly traumatic this first experience was, and I'm so thankful that I kept going anyway and posted my fic on AO3, where, for the first time in my life, I clicked on the 'enable comment moderation' button, because I was so scared that some anti and hater would find my fic and decide to go off in the comment box.)

As I said, I posted part 1 of the Savior!Carl AU in 2021 and by then... Cegan was already pretty much a dead ship already. This might be my skewed memory playing tricks on me, but I remember this being a very small and not really active fandom on AO3. The tag was updated very rarely, mainly by the same people keeping the ship afloat through sheer tenacity. Which makes sense considering season 8 finished airing in 2018, so by 2021, Carl had already been dead for over two years. And yet, in spite of this, I kept writing because I had this very clear idea of the kind of fic I wanted to read and I couldn't find it even after browsing pretty much all of the Cegan tag on AO3 (btw, did you know the first Cegan fic was posted in May 2016, right after the end of season 6 and the first part of the line-up episode? Insane). I knew I wanted a fic that delved into the slow build-up of Carl and Negan's relationship, one set in the apocalypse and which didn't shy away from the fact that Negan was a villain. Two things were most important to me: a slow-build (many fics in the tag where about a love at first sight type of encounter, and it didn't scratch the very specific itch I had back then) and a focus on power dynamics (mostly how unbalanced those dynamics would be when Negan was basically a tank crushing everything and anyone in his path). So, because I couldn't find the fic I wanted, I decided to write it myself.

This is how No Savior to be Found came to life. 45k. 4 chapters (which were supposed to be 3, but even back then I had no self-control over my chapter count...). And, because I was chicken shit about smut back then and because I was still afraid of antis, a Teen and up rating and a Carl & Negan platonic tag. I already knew this was going to be a series, a first introduction into a fully romantic and more sexual relationship between Carl and Negan but I didn't have the courage to write it then so I created the series on AO3 and told myself that one day I'd be ready for the follow-up. I told myself the series would only be 2 parts. A before and an after of Carl and Negan's relationship. If anyone was interested in reading it, cool, but most of my satisfaction would have to be derived from writing it.

This was a very dark and psychologically heavy fic, which I hadn't ever really written before (not in English at least). It was also the first time I tried my hand at flashbacks and a non-linear timeline. Part 1, especially the first chapter, is mainly made up of little vignettes because I wasn't very confident in my ability to write a long fic in English (I had only written one-shots back then, and one Teen Wolf fic which I never finished). It was experimental in so many ways and came with many challenges, first and foremost Negan's voice. As a non-English speaker, Negan's way of speaking was SO DIFFICULT to capture. I remember obsessively re-watching every single episode he was in in S6-8 of TWD to try and get used to the cadence of his words, to his constant delve into the vulgar and obscene. It was a nightmare. Every time I had to write a dialogue with him, I was basically pulling out my hair trying to make it realistic. It was also the first time in my life I ended a fic on a cliff-hanger, but it felt right because this wasn't for shock value or to spike viewer's engagement (what engagement lmao). If you've read part 1, you know the ending I'm talking about and it truly felt like a satisfying wrap on Carl's journey in the Savior AU, from child to man, from blunt weapon to active participant, from survivor to Savior. Honestly, I am still in awe of the courage I had to write an ending like that considering how self-conscious I was about my writing skills in English and what little audience I had. 2021 Duchess, you were a badass.

After I finished part 1, I pretty much lost interest in TWD. I was still incredibly proud of finishing it but I had no desire to get started on part 2 anytime soon. My PhD was taking up more and more of my time, I fell into Marvel hard, I created a Tumblr account to interact with the Stucky fandom, I got a Discord, I participated in Marvel events, I met wonderful Stucky people, and all around had a fantastic time in the Marvel fandom. Every once in a while, I'd get a comment on part 1 of Savior!Carl and... they were all so nice? I remember being actualy shocked by how sweet and how detailed those comments were, dropping in my inbox every few months, telling me how much they loved the fic and how they screamed at the ending. Whenever I received a comment, I would check the fic and get stunned at seeing the stats rise, more and more people engaging with it over the years. With every comment, my belief that I would one day go back to the Savior!AU series and write part 2 became stronger. I knew it would happen some day, it was just a matter of when.

And then, November 2023 rolled around. I defended my PhD and started a new job. Winter had come to Paris, and everything was dark and wet, and my new job had insanely long hours which left me very antsy when I came home. I knew I wanted to write something to distract me and be creative, but I had only written Marvel for two years and yet neither Stucky nor Stony called out to me. I knew I was craving something angsty and violent so I thought, you know what? Let's re-watch TWD on Netflix and see what happens. And lo and behold, I spiralled right back into my Savior!AU. A month later, I was posting the first chapter of part 2.

Honestly, I didn't expect anyone to still be interested in this fic 3 years later. I answered every single comment on part 1 and told each commenter that I had posted the first chapter of part 2 in the hope that someone would be curious enough to check it out. Marvel ships like Stucky and Stony were very active back then so I'd gotten used to a certain amount of stats on my fics, but I knew Cegan was a very rarepair in comparison and so I steeled myself for a return to very low engagement. And you know what? I couldn't have been more wrong. In terms of numbers, sure, it was barely a fraction of what I was used to. But in terms of comments? Of people interacting with the fic and telling me what they thought of it? Cegan was miles ahead of Marvel. To this day, some of the most consistent, most thoughtful comments I've ever received have been in the Cegan fandom. And it's not even a question of length either. I have people who have been commenting nothing but heart emojis on every chapter of my Cegan fics for the past year and I love them to death.

There is no word that can encompass how grateful I am for the Cegan community. I remember how scared I was back in 2021, terrified of antis and people criticizing the ship over, frankly, dumb matters (it's all fiction, enough said). 2021 Duchess could never imagine what today Duchess knows: that I have found so many loving and encouraging people to share my stories with. In one year of writing Cegan, I have met new friends, new readers, new writers, and all around incredible people. This is what fandom is about and I can only say thank you to everyone who has commented on my fics and reached out to me on Tumblr to talk to me about Cegan. This is worth more to me than any stat or number ever could.

2024 has been a fantastically productive year and I don't know if I'll write as much in 2025 but I know it doesn't matter, because more than a wordcount, this year has been about community. Thank you again to everyone who has been with me on this journey, from the bottom of my heart thank you. I couldn't have done any of this without you.

Love,

Duchess

PS: thank you so much @louferignojr for the tag. I'm tagging other people who might want to fill out the AO3 wrap card by Spicedrobot on Tumblr with the blank card at the bottom if they want to :)

@sparkagrace @confusedhockeyslut @lovelythunderstorm @ryisbread @ex0rin

@livefasteattrashh @honestlydarkprincess and anyone who wants to join in!!

[new-holocene]

ode to abandoned projects

normally i dedicate my public facing social media accounts solely to sharing my finished artwork, but I figure some reflection on the past few years of my development as an artist would be worthwhile. I was initially trying to find an old gmod map I made (I didn't find it), and in the process I found a number of screenshots of WIPs spanning the past 7 years. for many of these projects, they were abandoned because I got too busy with school/university.

from march 2017. made in unity. I don't remember the specifics of this project. I think I was trying to make a short narrative walking sim.

from december 2017. I wanted to make a short smw romhack. I remember drawing level designs on a spare piece of paper after finishing a secondary school exam early. one day I'll make a romhack, one day...

from may 2018. I had just replayed marble blast ultra after finding it had a PC port. shortly after I found all the textures were just in the game files and could be modified easily. myself and an old friend wanted to make a 'games repainted'-esque mod. I claim full credit for every marble game since that's included a 🤔marble skin.

from march 2020. a mockup of a piece I was calling 'alignment chart' for the first time I had ever applied for a bursary. this used a mixture of generative art pieces i made in processing and graphic design. this piece is interesting to look back on because it marked the development of my art style for the first time, and the psuedo-cuneiform generator ended up being a recurring feature of my art. my application was rejected because i did not read the terms and conditions to realise it wasn't open to university students - and I was still studying computer science at the time.

from may 2020. I was aiming to participate in the low res game jam but never got to finish due to university work taking up my time. I never fleshed out the mechanics of the game, but the goal was to take care of the tree in the center of the map. it doesn't look like much, but I really pushed myself (or rather, tortured myself) by not using a game engine and writing this in C++ with raylib instead.

from april 2020. this was going to be a browser based demake of five nights at freddy's (a game I've never played and have no interest in) titled "five years at yanderedev's". I figured that it felt too close to participating in lolcowing someone and that it was in bad spirits, so I scrapped it.

from september 2020. a mockup of my homepage sharpfourth.net. I kept the logo and general layout for whats on the site currently, but didn't include the scanner warped images.

from october 2020. I wanted to make a walking sim in the quake engine, but once again, university work got in the way. however, this got me familiar with the basics of using trenchbroom (a map editor for quake), which came in very, very handy for later projects.

from october 2021. myself and some close friends had planned to make a zine detailing how to do DIY feminising HRT in Ireland (and maybe the UK). we never got around to writing it (partly because we feared potential legal repercussions for disseminating medical advice lol), but this marked a further development of my art style.

from october 2021. I had hoped to make a first person RPG in godot. once again scrapped because I got too busy with uni. I spent ages trying to implement a wonky movement system that could be exploited, being inspired by bhopping from source or strafe jumping from quake. the dialogue system was the last thing I worked on. I used trenchbroom again - this time with qodot - for making the prototype map. while making this demo, I realised the potential use of godot and trenchbroom in visual art, something i would revisit during my first gallery residency.

from march 2022. this might be the most unassuming piece in this collection, but it marks a significant turning point in my life. I was tasked with making diagrams for a group project in uni, but given that I was facing extreme burnout and apathy towards the course, I instead "doodled" with the elements of the diagram. this spiraled into me writing my zine/short-story EATARTHU, which I then used to apply for a gallery residency. I was fortunate enough to get the residency, and I dropped out of college to pursue art.

as discouraging as it might be to constantly start and abandon projects, it's important to stop and remember that ever single abandoned game or drawing or album or whatever marked a chance for you to learn and develop as an artist. one day you might very well finish a project, and it'll reflect a bit of every single abandoned one of its precursors.

[wubbowrites]

signs

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog

Relationship: Sonic/Shadow

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: Minor swearing (in sign language)

AO3 Link

Sonic discovers that Shadow was taught sign language during his time on the ARK.

Written for Sonadow Week hosted by @starlightzonee on Twitter. Uses the prompt, “Silence”.

(A/N: This was originally posted in December 2021 for a Sonadow week I found on Twitter! I remembered that back then, someone had posted a rec of it on Tumblr that got some notes, so I decided I’d cross post it myself if people here liked it ^_^ Not sure how many other older fics I’ll post here, we’ll see how I feel)

(ALSO the method of writing the sign language here is describing the hand motions. Translations of them are at the end of the fic)

As Shadow complained about his last mission with Rouge, Sonic noticed his hand motions.

It was unusual for Shadow to be so expressive when he spoke…At least, Sonic thought it was. It was only recently that the two became close enough to have casual conversations like this. Sonic wondered: Did he always move his hands this much when he talked with Rouge and Omega, for example? Did he only do it when he was frustrated like this, or did he do it during other heightened emotions too? Why did the motions seem so…specific? Practiced?

It suddenly clicked.

“Shadow?”

Shadow bristled at being interrupted. “What?”

“Do you…know sign language?”

He blinked. “Where did that come from?”

“You’ve been moving your hands around this whole time! I thought it was- Wait, did you not even notice?” Sonic asked.

Shadow looked down at his hands. He shook them a bit, pointedly avoiding eye contact all of a sudden. “I…suppose I didn’t. Yes, I know some sign language.”

This caught Sonic off guard. “Huh! When did you pick that up?”

“I learned it on the ARK.” He paused, waiting for a sign that he could leave it at that. When Sonic kept watching with expectant eyes, Shadow tensed some more and pressed on. “At times, when testing got particularly stressful, Maria would have nonverbal moments. She found it easier to communicate in these moments with sign language rather than writing or typing, so some of the scientists learned it to communicate with her better. Then when I was created, they taught it to me as well. Signing while speaking was an easy way to practice…but it seems the habit didn’t go away,” Shadow said.

Sonic grinned. “Teach me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Teach me some! Teach me some sign language! Even just a couple words, c’mon!”

“Why do you want this so badly all of a sudden? None of your friends know any, do they?”

“Our friends, you mean,” Sonic said. Shadow rolled his eyes. “And, well, no, they don’t. But like, it’d still be useful! Every once in awhile, I end up saving someone that can’t hear or can’t speak. Doesn’t happen too often, and I think I’ve done an okay job finding ways to communicate with ‘em, but it’d sure be easier if I knew some basics! Besides, it could be like a secret code if we’re around people that don’t know it!”

Shadow sighed. “Alright. The first answer I understand. But what use would we have for a secret code? There’s nothing I would have to say to you that I can’t just say aloud.”

“I dunno! Maybe for stealth missions?”

“Please. Your hopeless with stealth. A secret code isn’t nearly enough to save you.”

Sonic glared as Shadow huffed out a laugh. “Whatever! Maybe I do have secret things I would tell you! You’ll never know until we do it.”

Shadow sighed. He thought for a moment. Then, he decided: “Alright. I’ll teach you some. But for the record, your weak attempt at piquing my curiosity did not affect my decision.”

“Alright!” Sonic exclaimed as he pumped his fist in the air. “So…How do we do this?”

“Well…Perhaps the alphabet would be a good place to start.”

—

Slowly, over time, the other mobians began to notice the hand motions Sonic and Shadow would point at each other. It wasn’t often enough to be obvious. It was just something they did every so often. There were indeed a few times they would be battling Eggman together and would send each other a sign that the villain didn’t understand. Or they would happen across each other, and Sonic would smirk and swipe his finger under his nose. Shadow would reply back with a scowl, and he’d curl his index finger and thumb into a circle. Then Sonic would laugh and they’d go about their days and Tails and Rouge would be at their sides wondering what in the world was going on.

Frankly, though, a lot of Sonic and Shadow’s friends were pleased by the development, if only because it cut down on the loud arguing and boasting the two would get into.

—

On a clear, cool evening, Amy hosted a barbecue. Teams Sonic and Rose were invited, along with Rouge, who dragged her two boys with her. Everyone scattered throughout Amy’s yard. Amy herself stood at the grill with Knuckles, the two making food together. Shadow and Rouge sat at one picnic table just chatting amongst themselves, Omega standing beside them. Sonic and Tails sat at a second table a few feet away. Sonic watched over Tails’s shoulder as he played a game on his handheld console. Cream and Big had a blanket laid out that they shared, along with Cheese and Froggy of course. Everyone was relaxing in their own ways. It was already a lovely time.

Big couldn’t help but notice it when Sonic began to steal glances at Shadow. Big wasn’t always the most observant, but he was quiet. And being the fisherman he was, he could be very focused when he wanted to. For some reason, that focus fell on Sonic. The blue blur’s hands fidgeted as he tried to silently get the other hedgehog’s attention. Shadow was too distracted by one of Rouge’s stories to turn his head.

Eventually though, Shadow noticed. He stared at Sonic with a cocked eyebrow.

Sonic grinned back. He pointed to Shadow. He brushed his index and middle fingers down against his chin. Shadow kept staring as if expecting Sonic to take it back. After a second, Sonic chuckled and did it again.

Big had never seen Shadow blush before that moment. It was only the tiniest bit. He gave Sonic the middle finger and quickly turned away. He hid it as fast as he could. Nobody else seemed to have been watching anyway. But Big saw.

“Aw.”

Cream looked up at him. “What is it, Mr. Big?”

“Sonic and Shadow are really sweet.”

“Hm?” Cream looked up. The two were back to what they were doing before, not even facing each other. “What were they doing?”

“Sonic just gave him a nice compliment. But I don’t think anyone else knew it.“

Cream smiled. “Oh! That makes sense! Mr. Sonic is very kind! But…” She scratched her chin, suddenly rethinking. “I thought they didn’t like each other as much.”

“They must have made up,” Big said cheerfully. “That’s nice.”

“I guess so!” Cream nodded. “I’m glad we can all be good friends then!”

“Mhm.”

Froggy croaked and began hopping away. Big watched him go down the yard. He slowly rocked onto his feet and followed close behind. And with him suddenly leaving, so too did the secret message between Sonic and Shadow.

—

Translations of the ASL. I did my best to research these, but please let me know if something isn’t right! I’ll happily edit in corrections ^_^

“Sonic would smirk and swipe his finger under his nose” = fake, meant to invoke “faker”

“he’d curl his index finger and thumb into a circle” = asshole

“He pointed to Shadow. He brushed his index and middle fingers down against his chin.” = you’re cute

[starhvney]

hey! 🔮 anon here, again lmfao i came up with a time period (with specific dates): phoenix drop high | 2008 — 2012 falcon claw university | 2012 — 2016 "the big move" | may 10th, 2018 — may 14th, 2019 mystreet | may 20th, 2018 — april 4th, 2019 love~love paradise | june 30, 2019 — july 7th, 2019 lover’s lane | september 8th, 2019 — november 2nd, 2019 holiday special | december 23rd, 2019 — december 25th, 2019 new years party | december 31st, 2019 — january 1st, 2020 post-lover’s lane | january 2nd, 2020 — january 20th, 2020 emerald secret | january 20th, 2020 — january 27, 2020 aphmau’s year | march 4th, 2020 — june 28th, 2021 starlight | july 29th, 2021 — july 19th, 2021 when angels fall | august 2nd, 2021 — august 5th, 2021 you helped a lot, of course, with the years you gave me! these are just headcanons and until jess actually reveals the dates, so i'm just going to go with these when i do decide to write. they might not make sense?? it's only been two hours of me spiralling lol

ooh, i really like this! it makes sense to me! i think putting dates to everything helps me personally with remembering the order of the lore and everything,, otherwise it gets all muddled in my head >.<

[dertaglichedan]

We Still Need Answers To The Many Unanswered Questions About Jan. 6

ust hours after his inauguration on January 20, President Trump pardoned more than 1,500 people convicted of offenses related to the events of January 6, 2021. He commuted the sentences of fourteen additional people whose cases for a full pardon are still under review.

Earlier that morning, to less fanfare, President Biden had issued “preemptive pardons” — a type of presidential pardon with no historical precedent­ — to all the members and staff of the House Select Committee on January 6 and to all the U.S. Capitol and D.C. Metropolitan police officers who testified before that committee.

What could better illustrate that what happened at the U.S. Capitol on January 6 has become a political Rorschach test on which Americans remain deeply divided?

(...)

The official report of the House Select Committee, which runs to more than 800 pages, is too deeply biased to give much help. This was foreordained given the hyper-partisan way the Select Committee was formed. Then-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi rejected then-House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy’s two Republican appointments to the committee — Representatives Jim Jordan and Jim Banks — and instead appointed two virulently anti-Trump Republicans, Representatives Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger.

The Select Committee’s report, issued in December 2022, omitted important information about January 6 and failed to address many lingering questions about the government’s role and response. Its partisan (and specifically anti-Trump) purpose can be deduced from its recommendations: that the Department of Justice pursue criminal charges against Trump and that Congress bar Trump from ever again holding federal office.

In some instances, the Select Committee showed a blatant disregard for facts. It claimed, for example, that Trump was aware of violence at the Capitol for more than three hours — 187 minutes, to be exact — before he took action to intervene. Cheney referred to this as a “supreme dereliction of duty.” But in fact, according to a timeline of events compiled by The New York Times (and corroborated by The Washington Post), no more than 25 minutes passed between the reported breach of the Capitol at 2:13 p.m. and Trump’s first tweet addressing the situation at 2:38 p.m., when he wrote, “Please support our Capitol Police and Law Enforcement. They are truly on the side of our Country. Stay peaceful!” About 30 minutes later, Trump again took to Twitter to address the demonstrators: “I am asking for everyone at the U.S. Capitol to remain peaceful. No violence! Remember, WE are the Party of Law & Order — respect the Law and our great men and women in Blue. Thank you!”

[clydesavage-thefox147]

So, I feel the need to say something here.

So, I watched a recent video Thomas has been in with Smosh Pit. It was overall a sweet and funny video. But that's not what this is about. It's about the ending. When Thomas was asked the quintessential question of "where can they find you?" He goes like "Oh I do shorts, long form and short form" and "keeping up Vine". I was like yeah makes sense to bring that up, that's fine. But then he brought up Roleslaying with Roman. He was very happy to bring it up. However, no mention of Sanders Sides at all. I get it, Sides could be chalked up the being long form Vine things seeing as the characters are from Vine but...feels off. I remember times Thomas did advertise Sides on collabs and stuff. But other times he wouldn't really advertise anything specifically and just say the socials' names and just say basic shit like "fun videos with nice messages" etc.

But, I've also taken note that Thomas has been REEEEEEALLY pushing Roleslaying, a series that a lot of us weren't really expecting to be the way it turned out to be. We were just told "Roman series" for like a couple years before it was officially revealed. We all expected Sides Roman and we all felt kinda ripped off. Don't get me wrong, the series is nice and all, has a decent story, and it can be engaging to a degree, but it does have it pit falls. But, he's been really adamant on getting the series popular. Constantly promoting it, making a podcast for it(which to me seems unnecessary) and what seems like begging(to me) for 5 star reviews so that Roman of Reston can read them. Now it's like number 25 on Leisure on Spotify because of it. That is great and all but again, Thomas seems like he's forgetting where this series even originated from...Sanders Sides. His bread and butter. The series that garnered a majority of fans he has. A series we're all waiting for proper episodes for with the same spark and energy that it had originally. It seems Thomas has just lost interest in Sides but knows it's what got him popular on the YouTube space so he keeps it up for the money and relevance(for example Patreon branding). He says he still loves the series and enjoys working on it but the longer it takes to produce, the more it seems like it's taken a back seat in priority. I really hope this season finale is really worth the hype he's been pushing for it. But, the way he's been pushing Roleslaying makes it seem like he's saying "Like this! Please Like this! I wanna do this more!" Thomas, buddy, you need to realize that Roleslaying wouldn't exist without the popularity of Sanders Sides. Hell, Sanders Sides wouldn't exist without the Vine characters.

Now look, I get that Thomas shouldn't be tied down to just doing Sides content. But, using it now as a kind of cash grap and attention grabber like dangling keys in front of child feels sad to me. Feels like lately he's been using it as a buzz word or just for products...which is ironic because all sides merch has been wiped off the merch store. Sure, it could be making way for new ideas but they've made several over the years under the same manufacturer and didn't do this before. So, it feels off. If it was because they were out of stock, they could just list it as "Sold Out", not wipe it entirely. And Now he's released Roleslaying merch and new Could be Gayer merch. Which that's fine, just feels weird that that is all that is available right now. Especially because I remember Thomas talking about hoodies for each side back in December of 2021 but a manufacturing issue came up. He said that it was due to the company not being able to do "custom orders" like that detailed. Which, I understood. But then like a week or so later, the Bucket Hats were released which just didn't really help the previous statement. So this whole thing feels off. I'm just hoping it's just a wait of restock or new design releases in the future.

I know this year has been hard on Thomas to do what he wanted in terms of the season finale. I hope that now that things are seemingly getting better, he'll continue the promise he made this year into next year of getting at least Part 1 of it out, maybe two if lucky. I just feel like Sides has plummeted from grace. What it once had is now a slowly crumbling ancient temple, that the more you try to patch it and keep it up..it doesn't last long. If there isn't a significant restoration done soon, it'll all fall apart. I pray that once the Season finale is released, the fandom will have a resurgence. Old fanders come back, animatics are everywhere, art is flying out like hot cakes, forums are booming, it's trending everywhere, and the fandom is reborn...and hope it stays that way into the third and final season. Hell, I hope Joan does come back to a degree and revive the husk the series has become. But, it's up to them to decide that. Now, seems like Quil is the only one left of the old writers of the series. And if she leaves, season 3 is going to be wild and may not even feel canon but again we have yet to see that.

I just want what drew me to this series back again. Is that too much to ask genuinely?

[3thirtyonethirtyone1]

Hello..!🤗 If you are accepting requests I have a request to give you..!🤭 Can you do one involving the attitude photoshoot..?😩 Im not asking for a specific genre just anything involving that photoshoot..!🎀 Anyways I really hope you do this but if not ill just be glad if you do anything similar..!🫧

OFC I ACCEPT requests tf?!!! (Also if you have one, don't hesitate to send it :3)

——————————————————————————

Verse

SMAU

Summary: In which both Jonathan Bailey and his partner, Y/N L/N fight in the trenches to stop people from snooping in their private/ sex life.

‼️All the pics are not mine ( thank God for Pinterest).

❗English is NOT my first language so be kind.

❗Every interaction is (sadly) purely fictional.

——————————————————————————

(29 march 2022)

attitudemag ✓

♥ by yn and 18.800 others

attitudemag As #Bridgerton returns, we're throwing it back to Jonathan Bailey's Attitude February 2021 cover photoshoot. 🌈🔥

The issue saw Bailey sit down with Sir @ ianmckellen to compare notes on their respective experiences as gay men in the acting industry, with JB declaring: "I don't want to talk about my versatility in the bedroom. I'll talk about my versatility on stage. For me, it's about visibility."

comments:

user1: ❤️❤️❤️

user2: amazing photo 🌈🔥

user3: 🔥🔥🔥

yn ✓: appreciate your courage! it takes a lot to address the hypersexualization of gay men in the entertainment industry

♥ by jbayleaf and attitudemag

→ jbayleaf ✓: learned from the best

♥ by yn

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*fragments from the interview with JB and IMc (Ian McKellen)*

JB: After I came out publicly, I remember someone from the set, I won't give their name for obvious reasons, came to me and asked me if I was "a giver or a receiver" and I told them I like both getting and receiving presents.

——————————————————————————

IMc: I think that the public has become more comfortable with gay people over the decades and with this change of mind they think if they agree with the idea of two men or two women having a relationship then they should also have the right to stomp in their privacy.

JB: Tell me about it. One time Y/N, my partner, went to a drugstore to get lu- a product often used in male sexual interactions and someone behind the line said out loud "Oh my gosh! You'll top Jonathan this evening?"

IMc: Well, that's... something else. Another thing though. Why do you call Y/N your partner instead of your boyfriend?

JB: I think because of the implication the term carries. When I say partner, for both of us, it means a much stronger and more durable connection than just a boyfriend. Also, by referring to him as my partner, I avoid the "who's the man and who's the woman" question. I don't want to talk about my versatility in the bedroom. I'll talk about my versatility on stage.

——————————————————————————

IMc: I don't want this to turn into a "Jonathan's partner is better than you" article, but I want to ask you how is it to be in a relationship with another famous gay man.

JB: First of all, I want to say how proud I am of Y/N for everything he's been doing for the music industry for the last 8 years. No one can deny that he's one of the greatest rappers at the moment... Life with Y/N it's great, however we can't experience the domestic aspect of our relationship. Now with me filming for Bridgerton and him being on tour, Pantheon, by the way I highly recommend it.

IMc: Speaking of that, I saw a video of him at dance rehearsal and I must ask you if he comes home hurt.

JB: It would've been great if he came home just hurt. Six months ago he called me saying: "Don't panic, but I just broke a leg rehearsing "life swing" choreo."

IMc: And what did you do?

JB: I panicked and went to the hospital.

——————————————————————————

(13 december 2024)

yn ✓

♥ by jbayleaf, barbie and 347.433 others

yn happy 7 month-sary to the last concert of the Pantheon tour. I want to say thank you (again, I know) to the amazing team that was behind this entire project without whom wouldn't have been possible. Also huge thanks to every and each of the artists who accepted my invitation to sing next to me. For the rest of the year and the first 3 months of 2025 I'll lay low (shocking, I know), only for the second album of The Outerworld trilogy - INFERN0 will drop on the 21st of November next year.

comments:

user4: why nobody's talking about SZA and Y/N's performance of Alain Delon? When Y/N started playing the harp I levitated

♥ by yn

→ yn ✓: thank youuuu!!! so glad you liked it!! I hope me and Solana's song is Grammy winner worthy. <3

→ user5: man the ENTIRE album should get a Grammy. They haters fr for not even NOMINATE you.

♥ by yn and 100.749 others

barbie ✓: congratulations Ken! 🩷

iamcardib ✓: super glad I had the chance to feature in Ritual Table. Your talent and personality are on another level.

user6: don't know what y'all liked the most, but when I saw Y/N all oiled up dry humping a male dancer and I'm a woman. Would've been better if it was a woman, but whatever.

→user7: oh that's not...

→user8: we know this AIN'T a DIVA 💜

yn ✓ posted a story

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The End

I hope you liked it!

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[talisidekick]

I need your help...

If you don't know me, hello, I'm Accalia, I go by Tali Sidekick online on Youtube, Instagram, and on the rarest of occasions Twitch. I'm a 29 year old transgender woman from Canada, who came out and began socially and medically transitioning in 2021. I stream largely on Youtube and on the rare occasion I make videos (it's been over a year since I last did that).

I could use your help affording my legal name change. I've been trying to afford it myself but I'm unable to for reasons I'll get into below. The link is in my blog description, but I'll post it here:

Recently, while walking home from work (I don't make enough to afford public transit or my own vehicle or a bicycle) I got attacked by a middle-aged man in a dimly lit residential neighbourhood. I got away, and thankfully I didn't give him enough time to do more than grab me by the arm. However, I had to file a police report, which gave me two options: use my legal name which at current is my deadname (ie. a name I no longer wish to use) which would be distressing to say the least, or submit it anonymously. I chose the latter which unfortunately does little besides let the public know that someone dangerous with a vague description is in their area. I wish I could have put my name on that report but using my legal name as it stands now is ... I can't.

To add to this, I was saving up, but unfortunately the student loans I owe decided to charge me during an appeal process (they weren't supposed to) and when the charge partially bounced they denied my appeal (which isn't supposed to happen under the contract agreement I signed) because of "outstanding payments". The appeal process also only looked at my gross income for one month, specifically the month I got paid 3 times in (it happens only once a year) and decided to combine all three payments into an equal 2 and evaluated my paycheck at around 25/hr when I only make 16/hr and has thus denied me reduced loans payment (I'm working on this but it's adding to my stress). So at current, the $300 I had extra got eaten by the National Student Loans Services Centre (NSLSC) again and from previous experience even though I should be reimbursed once this is cleared up, I won't be.

I would have also had more (remember that extra third paycheck?) but my health insurance stopped covering me because despite being signed up to a provincial pharmacy program they decided I wasn't, and forced me to buy my hormones and ADHD meds out of pocket. They only -just- reinstated coverage, but getting reimbursed will take over a month possibly 2.

As such, I have exactly $48 in savings and $7 in my basic checking account.

I want to get my name changed, I've been trying for over 2 years, and it's been impossible. Every time I have the money to spare, the NSLSC eats it and doesn't give it back, some medical thing comes up, or some unforseen cost rears its head and consumes my meager savings. The cost averages out to about $450 because it requires Finger Printing for a background check, Notary Fees, Processing Fees, and Reprinting Fees for my Birth Certificate, Drivers License, and Marriage License.

And if the $450 goal is exceeded, any excess getsput towards affording the $6000 surgery cost of getting SRS/GRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery/Gender Reassignment Surgery). I have until December next year before my government will no longer cover the cost of the surgery supposedly.

If I can get help here, I really want all my legal doccuments to read "Llorelei Accalia [Lastname]". I'm so tired of having to explain to people that I'm transgender because the name, face, and (somehow) voice don't match.

Currently at:

$50/$450

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[taekooktimeline]

September 11, 2023 (released):

Tae appears on Yoongi’s show “Suchwita.” They mention at the start of the show they’re meeting members for dinner later that same evening, and Yoongi says they’ll need to congratulate Jungkook (“Seven has achieved so much success. I’m so proud of Jk!). Tae gives a verbal congratulatory shoutout-

Timestamp 18:01 or 

https://x.com/kookvtwins/status/1701225201889931331?s=46&t=StSwHjW0_Domk_lHUFMaCg

Yoongi mentions when he thinks of Tae, he thinks of their 2018 Fake Love era. Tae admits this was the toughest time in his life.

Remember, “Fake Love” derived during the time members were exhausted, while simultaneously their careers were going to a new, higher level.

Suchwita flashes back to MAMA 2018, when an emotional BTS told the audience they had considered disbanding. This video is significant, both for fans and Taekook. It captures a vulnerable moment of the duo in public that hasn’t been shown before by BH official cameras. The video shows Taekook having an emotional moment together, when they hugged and made a huge statement. It’s honestly surprising to me that BH agreed to show this, and raises questions on how they acceded to broadcast it, and whether Yoongi had a hand in it, given that he specifically mentioned Tae and Jk together. This moment was significant, as Yoongi mentioned Tae and Jk went through a difficult phase, and the video shows them together during this time (the screenshot where Yoongi mentions they were together is included below).

Every time I watch this clip I get emotional, thinking of all the hardships and hurdles BTS had to go through and, specifically, my biases.

As an aside, in the BB of this award show, after their emotional speeches, BTS were interviewed backstage. Tae was working on gathering his thoughts to talk to the camera. Jk quickly looks to the cameras before glancing back at Tae to flash the ILY sign, encouraging him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wkv2zRPef8E, timestamp 20:56 or https://x.com/kakostel/status/1701712695664255216?s=46&t=StSwHjW0_Domk_lHUFMaCg 

Recap of MAMA 2018 - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/625027177926230016/december-14-2018 

We’ve seen repeated instances of them utilizing the gesture as a means to encourage the other. You can find a brief summary here of various times they’ve utilized the ILY or sign language with each other - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2021/665338207021449216/october-2-2021-continued 

In February 2018, the members had taken a long vacation to consider the future of BTS. Members found this trip to be healing.

And they had reflected on this trip during Festa. A brief synopsis -

February 2018 recap of trip - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/634616819634880512

March 2018 recap of trip - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/625074896359292928/late-march-early-april-2018

Festa 2018 raw link -  https://youtu.be/K4Melso7MPU?si=buEHnYcBOMMIA31_ 

BTS also reflected on 2018 throughout their “Break the Silence” docu-series (filmed in November 2019). Jungkook reminisced about BTS giving each other strength, despite their individual emotional scars, coming together to talk and support one another.

Jk discussing them supporting each other recap may be found here - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/625387952489496577/may-26-2020 

BTS also discussed this time in their career during Festa 2020, which you can read a recap of here - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/640118082405384192/also-on-that-day-9th-of-april-2020 

Festa 2020 raw link - https://youtu.be/t9zPnWQIiuw?si=A1J3gAQSk5RVMfzj 

In the present on Suchwita, Tae reflects on that difficult time period. While they were achieving so much, they were all physically and mentally burnt out. Heartbreakingly, Tae admits he was so drained and exhausted that he contemplated ways to hurt himself to get much needed rest.

https://x.com/r_taekook22/status/1701229627010629953?s=46&t=StSwHjW0_Domk_lHUFMaCg

We know both Tae and Jungkook struggled heavily during this time. Both reflected on 2018 in “Break the Silence.” Until the Love Yourself tour, Tae admitted that was struggling with his emotions and shutting down.

Break the silence, ep 4 recap - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/625388030307467264/may-19-2020 

In episode 5, Jungkook expressed some of his worries, one being that people only love his stage persona as the golden maknae.

Break the Silence, ep 5 recap - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/625388016975970304/taekooktimeline-may-21-2020-break-the-silence 

This made me think of his London live (July 2023), when talking about the explicit version of “Seven,” Jungkook again cited his golden maknae image.

Recap of Jk’s London live (July 22, 2023): https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline/723765181171302400/july-22-2023-jungkook-goes-live-in-london-hes 

I also want to note in one of the final episodes of the docu series, approximately 21 months since the disbandment talks, we see BTS has come to a place of acceptance, stating that they recognize that one day it will be inevitable to let the band go, whether by choice or not. They expressed hope that, when that time comes, they have no regrets and it’s a soft landing, not a crash.

Break the silence, ep 6 recap - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/625387952489496577/may-26-2020 

Yoongi and Tae disclose “Fake Love” almost didn’t come out, and reaffirm that “Tear” has a second layer to it, with it seemingly being about lovers breaking up, but in reality being a message to members considering disbanding.

As the rap line wrote “Tear,” Yoongi sent a letter to Tae and Jungkook (which makes Tae shy as he

The song “Tear” was previously discussed in “Break The Silence” episode 6 (aired in 2020).

The letter that Yoongi is referring to in Suchwita was previously revealed during Festa 2018. Tae shared that Yoongi wrote a letter that made him cry, ending it with, “I love you.”

Yoongi revealed he wrote the letter to two people (one being Tae)

Jungkook disclosed the second person to receive Yoongi’s letter was him.

BTS also brought up Yoongi’s letters to Taekook on April 15, 2018 (filmed), during their Harajuku Sweets Party. Tae reiterates the letter made him emotional. Members tease perhaps Taekook were beside each other when they read their letters.

Recap of Harajuku Sweets  - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/625074488032280576

Comprehensive recap of some of the disbandment talk moments in 2018 (which includes Jk covering “all my life,” the song “Tear,” the song “Fake Love,” Yoongi’s letter, Festa 2020 and Break the Silence snippets  - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/635128353110769664/february-27-2018 

Raw of Harajuku Sweets - https://youtu.be/03ngJ4oW7SQ?si=dao9sFCkdwWCGTpt 

Yoongi asks Tae about that letter he sent to them back in 2018, when BTS considered disbanding.

Tae recalls how the letters gave both him and Jungkook the strength to continue, to think more positively.

https://x.com/mybwits/status/1701238438584852631?s=46&t=StSwHjW0_Domk_lHUFMaCg

Tae tells Yoongi the letter helped him, and he’s not felt so down since then.

Tae said something similar in the “Break the Silence” docu series, when he said the Love Yourself world tour was a turning point, and seeing members happy made him happy.

Again, recaps can be found here - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/635128353110769664/february-27-2018 or here - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/625388030307467264/may-19-2020 

Tae’s message to his 2018 self -

Timestamp 24:03-31:09

A lot happened in 2018, so while I’d change the wording on some of the posts, I’d encourage you to review the year in its entirety to see everything that was happening, and how much pressure the members were under. Recap - https://taekooktimeline2018.tumblr.com/ 

While it’s quite clear all members struggled, I still believe Tae and Jk were at least two members who were contemplating disbandment, based on them receiving letters from Yoongi, Tae admitting to emotionally closing down and Jungkook shutting down (as expressed by Joon and Jin in Festa 2020). While all members were emotional during the disbandment talk during MAMA 2020, Tae was especially emotional, so  much so that he was still gathering his thoughts during their backstage interview (when Jk flashed him the ILY sign). But of course, this is my opinion, and I’ve left references as to why I believe as I do, but you’re welcome to disagree. 

At the very end of the episode, Yoongi admits 90% of In The Soop was cut, which makes Tae laugh in agreement. This is another instance where I’m going to reiterate we only see a fraction of their lives, and people shouldn’t place weight heavily on things like social media interactions.

Raw of Suchwita - https://youtu.be/M6wpkLCiHoI?si=S3RJ70XzrFzIivm1