#i refuse to shut up about this sorry
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In the dream I don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap.
In the dream I don’t tell anyone, I’m afraid to wake you up.
(richard siken, crush)
when the fic’s giving a house in nebraska >>>> (free house n lot haha)
#inspired by alucinatio#again#i dont tell anyone about this small good moment i wished for because im embarrassed by its tenderness and its impossibility#richard what☹️#GOOPED AND GAGGED i tell you#i refuse to shut up about this sorry#SO MOON SONG BY PHOEBE BRIDGERS CODED ONG#drarry#hp#hpdm#drarry fanart#harry potter#draco malfoy#digital art#digital artist#art#digital drawing#digital illustration#artists on tumblr#illustration#fair disclaimer on the reference used#understand that i only borrowed the pose n dont share the same beliefs as the og painter ewwww#i hope thats clear i mean this is the same circle that is associated w jkr ew#im assuming we’re not transphobic#i would HOPE SO#like 😟#thats just embarrassing in the year 2024#anyways#<3
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The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field
It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work
and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you
your work is trivialized
and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over
or when your complaints are dismissed
and you get more of the same from upper management
it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day
It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity
The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again
(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)
Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off
#(I want to note that I am coming at this from my personal experience as a woman#but I know femme neurodivergent and disabled folks of all genders face these same issues)#along similar lines I have tons of feelings about how often Aziraphale hides his hands when talking to other angels#to hide his stimming#and look I try not to tie everything back to explaning why Aziraphale ended s2 the way he did but apparently I can't#its just the juiciest character moment to me#also thinking about how angry Crowley was at Gabriel when he was treated like this once#granted shut up and die already IS the worst thing Gabriel has said to Aziraphale but if Crowley knew how much of this was going on...#aziraphale#good omens#go2 spoilers#good omens meta#Thanks to folks who responded to my tags on that post because you really motivated me to find these screen caps#and finish this post which has been sitting in my drafts for ages#also sorry so many of gabriels faces are funny I cant help that jon hamm is comedy gold - i refuse to let it undermine my point
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I have waited a long time to write this. I have actively resisted writing this, hoping that, given enough time, it would no longer be necessary. I’d hoped that, given enough time, people would move on, that my own anger would subside.
But they have not moved on. My own anger has not passed. A dear friend of mine by the name of Werewolfsister was horribly treated, and she faced a constant wall of passive aggression to the point that she had to leave entirely.
Both parties have had their say. Now I will say mine. And you might think “Oh god, just let it die,” to which I reply “why are a select few allowed a platform while others are scolded to oblivion?”
I was a third party to this situation who found out, almost as suddenly as my friend, that my presence was unwanted. So to those who publicly picked or “““didnt pick””” a side, I saw a lot of hate towards the friend I do support. And I don't care for it.
With werewolfsister's permission, I am making this a partner to their post. I am not as organized in telling events down to the date, but I am confident in my ability to provide proof where it is necessary.
I’ll start with the basic accusation: Tumblr user kenneduck has claimed that werewolfsister forced them to adapt their trauma into the latter’s comic, Labor of Love. Further, the accuser has claimed that a majority of the story, including a majority of characters, by default including my own, also belonged to Kenneduck.
From her October 12, 2024 post:
With that, let me turn to my own perspective. Let me preempt this by stating that the following information is from my own private conversations with kenneduck. Whether she has shown this information to others or dispensed with it entirely, I do not know. Screenshots supplied will also be the only ones I post out of respect to kenneduck, as the conversations they stem from were often extremely personal.
In mid-September, kenneduck approached me on Discord, stating that they and werewolfsister would work on the comic separately. Werewolf would continue the main story, and kenneduck would be given space to draw specific scenes for Kenne the Zora in a way they saw fit.
By this point, werewolfsister had gone on multiple breaks, preemptively announcing that they would not be speaking to anyone during them. This caused kenneduck to worry, at which point they came to me conveying their worries. I assured them that it was likely simply stress from working on the comic, possibly complicated by other factors we did not know at the time. They then confided in me that they worried they were the cause of pushing werewolfsister away. Kenneduck then informed me that their (kenneduck’s) desire to include personal experiences via Kenne the Zora was taking a toll on their (kenneduck’s) own mental well-being.
I was told by kenneduck themself that Kenne the Zora was given a particular backstory to help process their (kenneduck’s) thoughts on a real life event. When kenneduck disclosed this connection to Kenne the Zora, werewolfsister explicitly decided they could NO LONGER draw this character, as it was so closely tied to something so personal. As explained by Kenneduck, this comic separation was a compromise: it was meant to give kenneduck the freedom to process this event in their own way.
Kenneduck informed me that their (kenneduck’s) circle of friends agreed with werewolfsister’s decision, and that they (said friends) had asked kenneduck to step away as this was causing kenneduck to over think on the matter. Kenneduck informed me they (kenneduck) had not realized they were putting werewolfsister into this situation by having werewolfsister draw Kenne the Zora in the comic.
Upon learning this, I made the offer to speak to werewolfsister on kenneduck’s behalf, and encouraged them to reach out to werewolfsister as well. Kenneduck declined both plans of action, which I understood at the time as it can be scary to perform either one.
I then attempted to do a wellness check on werewolfsister, pointedly avoiding any information kenneduck shared to me. At present, I wince at the timing, because the day after this, werewolfsister announced they would be leaving the zora Discord we mutually participated in. This is no one’s fault: when under high stress, you gotta do what you must to take care of yourself.
Near the start of October, kenneduck approached me a second time, during which I still had no news to relay to them. Armed with slightly better understanding regarding why the comic split was occurring, I encouraged kenneduck, saying that werewolfsister was not acting out in anger.
^ Context: the “drama post” in question was werewolfsister responding to other people’s demands for greater representation of their own characters and insinuated charges of favoritism. Kenneduck made their own post to back werewolfsister up; to the best of my knowledge, this post has since been deleted. The only posts of its former existence are Werewolfsister's comment in their original post and an exchange between Kenneduck and I.
^ Context: I relayed that werewolfsister wasn't replying to comments I made on their page either. I suggested that werewolfsister’s lack of activity wasn’t out of spite, as they queued their pages up most of the time.
^ Context: We discussed what kenneduck’s friends told them about respecting werewolfsister’s decision to split the comic. Kenneduck made a few posts in our group chat at the time, apologizing for over-sharing personal information. This was one of the instances of kenneduck explicitly saying in private, to me, that they were adapting their own trauma for Kenne the Zora and the comic.
Everything I learned about werewolfsister's decision to split the comic came explicitly from Kenneduck. Kenneduck had nothing untoward to say about werewolfsister in these conversations.
Nothing else was said on the matter. Our last exchanges were quite positive; we shared pictures of our cats, they showed me an awesome Bluey plush, and she was sharing progress on a Sidon/Link/Yona piece they were doing. Kenneduck expressed -- what I thought at the time was -- genuine concern for Werewolfsister. Kenneduck also discussed going on their own break to think on how to approach Kenne the Zora's role in the comic.
Days later, I found an announcement via reblog from werewolfsister that kenneduck would not be completing Kenne the Zora’s section of the comic. This was understandable. Werewolfsister then announced they would continue the story, and do their best to do so without shining light on those issues that vexed kenneduck.
Then a switch flipped.
This is when Kenneduck made their post accusing werewolfsister of forcing Kenneduck into using their trauma. All of a sudden, werewolfsister never ASKED for their permission, and that they needed to take the comic down because her trauma was on full display.
Werewolfsister was not the only one blocked and removed. I was also removed from kenneduck’s friend list on Discord. Werewolfsister later discovered kenneduck’s side of their chats were deleted. I assume that's why I was removed as well.
This has been extremely upsetting, especially considering everything was kept private until kenneduck spoke up with a different story. Worse, when werewolfsister spoke up in their own defense, suddenly they were the bad guy for “making this public”. They were blocked. People told them they were no longer allowed to draw their OCs. Someone came to me to insult them, warning “Your characters are going to get ruined too!”
It's not cool.
None of this is cool.
Before this accusation, I had nothing negative to say about kenneduck. I had sympathy towards what they were feeling, and encouraged them to be cautious before sharing personal information. As I said to kenneduck at the time, communication between the two may have helped, but the decision was done. Werewolf's decision to separate the comic did hurt kenneduck’s feelings, but kenneduck themself acknowledged it was for the best as it was for the sake of their mental health and safety. I was given the impression kenneduck accepted and respected werewolfsister’s decision.
From this:
To this:
And one is always welcomed to change their minds. You should always be safe to revoke your consent on something. However, Kenneduck made the decision to broadcast to a public audience with a story entirely different from what was shared with me in private. I don't use this phrase lightly: they weaponized their trauma against werewolfsister.
And it worked.
Werewolfsister has been ostracized ever since. I've suffered blowback myself. Since then, werewolfsister and I have talked about doing our best to press on, but the atmosphere has changed. People who followed or even interacted with us have changed.
It sucks.
Folks prefer to keep quiet and avoid drama. That’s fine when it involves discourse on shipping or which characters are loved or hated. But this deals with deeply personal issues brought into the open, and the actions have affected actual people's lives.
If anyone wants to point fingers then point them at me.
Werewolfsister and I spoke more often after kenneduck made their accusation. They’ve stressed over how to finish the comic. Whether they were going to get more hate for doing so. If I was going to get more harassment just by associating with her. In the end, it was my suggestion that werewolfsister continue the rescue arc of the story. I suggested they either make kenneduck’s characters unrecognizable by darkening their silhouettes OR replacing them with new OCs, but I felt the latter might be disrespectful as it might somehow be interpreted as erasing Kenne the Zora’s presence. I helped write parts of Denouement and gave ideas for the epilogue’s ending.
I say this to waylay any more opinions of how werewolfsister was erasing or ruining specific characters because yes, with months separating their last cameo, werewolf STILL received requests to “no longer” use other players’ OCs as though they’re going to twirl their mustache and ruin said characters for all time.
If you're reading this, I'm not here to stir the pot. This is why it's under a cut: if you're reading this, it's because you chose to.
I'm also not telling people to pick sides. People will follow who they want to follow. That's their prerogative. Kenneduck will live their life and I hope they heal. They will find more friends, who I hope they treat with more kindness and honesty than they did werewolfsister. People will have their opinions, and you can't change minds with posts like these.
But people got hurt by this. Malicious intent was directed at one person, and others followed the example they set.
To anyone who follows me, who has made the decision that werewolfsister is a liar and a manipulator, unfollow me as well. Block me. I don't want anything to do with this two-faced behavior. If kenneduck says what werewolfsister did is true, why haven’t they said the same of me? I was literally in the middle of this.
^ Here I am, spitballing with kenneduck about how Kenne the Zora might be affected by the plot!
Here are other moments where I'm sketching with kenneduck about how Kenne the Zora’s traumas may be affected by the plot!
Exactly as they did with werewolfsister! How is this any different?
Should these conversations have been kept private? Absolutely, and before kenneduck loosed their accusations, they were. But you can't announce neutrality in something you're not personally involved in, then treat one side badly and act all morally superior because yOu’Ve DoNe A sErViCe.
I originally thought I could keep neutral by staying quiet. I can't, because it would be wrong of me to. People have treated my friend like some villain who is chomping at the bit to destroy their OCs ever since this was made public. For six whole months werewolfsister has been doing free gift art without so much as a thanks from the majority. I am so angry about that. People were excited about receiving her, again, FREE ART - then a public statement by the recipient of six months of free gift art soured the joy of gift art altogether, subjecting us to an atmosphere of “You can't use my character because you'll ruin them! It makes me uncomfortable!”
You know, I’m not just upset at kenneduck. I'm just as upset at how easily it was for other people here to turn on a dime. For people to proudly say “Glad I'm not part of this” and still take sides.
A community involves active work to make people feel welcome. It requires courage to communicate, to find ways to keep the peace with its members, and make sure the community remains a safe space for those within it.
What I saw instead was a popular individual of the fandom using their platform to isolate another. I saw people follow that behavior and they made it known to werewolfsister and I that we were not welcome in this space. That we need to stay in the farthest corner possible and leave everyone alone.
That is clique behavior.
This is not a community. We're definitely not in this together; the majority of people here have been clear on that. The messages sent to me as of late have been clear on that.
There's no debate here: prior to werewolfsister's decision, there was NO animosity between the two. Werewolfsister made a choice she believed would keep her own mental health protected and did her best to respect kenneduck’s.
And for some reason Kenneduck decided to tell a different story, and everyone was content with not hearing our side. When harassment and bullying is happening, it's expected for people to stay quiet about it because it's no one else's problem. We didn't want to cause a fuss so we kept quiet and kept our opinions under read more’s so as not to offend others. I was told when I spoke up about those anons it kept people from wanting to join werewolfsister’s epilogue project because they were also afraid of being harassed. This is why I said there's no community here.
I have experienced harassment in fandom spaces before, and it can be awful, especially when you're led to believe you're alone. But just because I'm experienced doesn't mean these situations hurt any less. This has started to make me spiral in ways I don't want to go back to. I had to go to the ER because the stress was becoming too much that I was showing symptoms akin to a heart attack.
If anyone feels isolated or depressed due to such behaviors please PLEASE reach out to someone. To others, if you see a friend struggling, please lend them your support before it gets to a dangerous point. If you can't find help in the spaces you frequent there is always help in some form.
Werewolfsister decided to leave the fandom space as well as tumblr entirely because of this clown show. I won't be posting on my Tides blog for a while, if at all, because I give up. So congratulations, your precious OCs are FINALLY safe!
Many may not consider werewolfsister as a friend, or even as a kind person, so you better stop looking at me as one too, because I've been mirroring her values since meeting her. I don't care about your opinions on who is right, that you don't like my art, how you're better at dealing with drama, or that you won't follow me. It takes zero effort to NOT be an asshole.
Let me have my peace. My dear friend is gone, so leave me alone too.
My absence will be of no loss to you.
#personal#to be safe#tw: suicide mention#I normally say im sorry for sounding mad BUT IM NOT SORRY#I SPENT EIGHT HOURS IN ER YESTERDAY BECAUSE THIS FIASCO HAD ME SO STRESSED OUT#I AM MAD AS HELL!!!!#and if anyone goes ''well thats just tumblr for you'' or ''thats why you block people'' SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT#everyone LOVES to say community this and community that but if you're afraid to say anything in fear of being harassed SOMETHING IS WRONG!!#YOU SHOULD NEVER BE SILENT WHEN YOU ARE HARASSED MAKE A FUSS LET PEOPLE KNOW THIS ISNT RIGHT#this is a scheduled post I am away because i need to recuperate BADLY#I REFUSE to compromise my health any longer to make sure everyone else doesnt have to think about the ''negativity''
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And if I told you Ivan's constant pointless overthinking and lack of action despite his strong moral code as a way to convey how powerless his character feels and straight up is in his life and in his family's situation is incredibly bipolar coded. Then what.
#I'll never shut up about this I'm genuinely sorry#I don't remember if I included this in my bipolar Ivan essay because I refuse to reread anything I write after it's posted#in case I didn't here it is#I hope I don't come off as mean lmao in my head this post has a lighthearted/joking tone#the brothers karamazov#ivan karamazov#bipolar ivan karamazov agenda#mine
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Asshole Things Ambrose Has Said/Done #8: Describe Cyrus' relationship with Malistaire as "odd" then sends a child, essentially a stranger to Cyrus, with no business with being involved in their family issues, to extract information out of Cyrus on how to kill his brother (a grieving man)
#ambrose: can you go manipulate a man who's had to see his brother suffer insanity and grief and loss into telling us how to kill him? for me#hey ambrose i have an idea. why dont YOU go do that.#why dont YOU interrogate cyrus. the man that you distrust incorrectly. by the way. on how to hunt down and kill his brother. hm.#hey ambrose why dont YOU figure out malistaire's weaknesses#no lets not comfort the man grieving the loss of his sister in law and his brother. naw.#also using a stranger to be impartial to your feelings and loss is so dirty????? ☹️#if i was dealing with severe family issues and worrying for my lived ones 24/7-#and someone whom ive never met bursts into my house. sent by another person. tried to ask me how to kill my loved one#cyrus was an asshole dont get me wrong but yknow. he had a good reason to be one#like malistaire is my least favorite villain but still. he went through so much. and cyrus too#and ambrose HAD THE GALL.#'hey lets not support the guy who works for mw and instead secretly susoect him of Crimes because of his brother'#ambrose sent us not to go comfort cyrus. but to EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM HIM#SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.#breathes. anyways hi :)#i refuse to shut up about the wizard being a kid by the way. sorry!#wizard101#wiz101#w101#text posts
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I feel kind of bad about that post I made talking about how Odysseus would never sacrifice his family to save his own skin while I didn't give a name, I hope that person doesn't feel bad or that they get hate. As I don't want to gatekeep someone's interpretation of the Odyssey but also...while I guess you could claim that he would do that, there's so much MORE evidence as to how he would literally rather be stabbed than see his wife and son have even a splinter
Her rejecting him at first put him in a bad position. Honestly, in an alternate universe, where she didn't accept him or trick him that night, I think the poor guy would've cried himself to sleep again in that separate cot. He'd probably cry to Athena and ask if he did something wrong.
It would probably be an "awkward morning" of Odysseus and Penelope silently doing their things (not bringing up suitors' parents right now. And Odysseus would probably tell Telemachus to not say anything stupid.) and eventually, everything would bubble up out of Odysseus and honestly, I could see him straight up begging her to accept him. Not even caring about how he appeared to others.
Honestly, if she DID take a lover in that time...I think he'd either accept it and just...wander? Around Ithaca as a beggar as he doesn't want to be away from them but if they won't accept him, what else can he do? OR if she had another lover, (War flashback of the shitty retelling where Penelope has an affair) he'd probably kill the lover as let's be honest, Odysseus is basically a Yandere, to put it simply. Touch the wife, you get the knife.
And yeah, he doesn't JUST want his family.
"Oh, he wants to not be in constant danger."
"He just wants to go back to Ithaca."
"He wants to be king again."
Boy howdy, he sure does!!! But if, for example, Penelope and Telemachus for some reason moved to somewhere else? IDK, AU where they permanently moved to Sparta, hanging with Helen and Menelaus, and she didn't remarry or something. He'd be like "Shit, okay, BRB." And go to them. He'd probably have them all go back to Ithaca but still, THEY ARE HIS HOME. They make Ithaca home. Any place is home as long as he has them.
Despite having the opportunity to wed the most beautiful woman in the world, he took the Oath so then he could marry Penelope. And even then, it wasn't "for sure" as he had to race her dad. He did so much simply to have the CHANCE to marry her even though he probably wasn't planning on getting married as he brought no gifts. And he did so much so then he wouldn't have to leave the life they had built together and their young baby.
He could've had ANYONE. Went ANYWHERE. Did ANYTHING and he still wanted THEM.
Like??? Holy shit. This guy would do ANYTHING for them. I mean that's kind of why he's considered to be so "scummy" in how ride or die he is for them and basically a bitch to everyone else. That's what makes him SO different from many of his peers.
Person: Would you rather have your family- Odysseus: Family, always. Person: I didn't even say it yet- Odysseus: I don't fucking care. Always family. Person: Even if it meant you got immortality and a hot goddess for a wife? Odysseus: You act like that's a good thing? That was literally torture. Fuck you. I already have a hot Water Wife™ that I get the privilege to drown in every day. She gave me a wonderful Water Son™ who is the light of my eyes and who I am more proud to be the father of than I am of being the son of an Argonaut Person: Even if I give you a million dollars? Odysseus, acting nonchalant while Penelope picks the person's pockets: As if we can't get that on our own. Person: You'd die? Odysseus: I'll set myself on fire if I have to. Person: ...Okay, new question. Would you rather lose your family- Odysseus: The other option. Always. Person: Even torture? Odysseus: I never said I would like it, just that I would do it. Person: Even yeet a baby?! Odysseus: I'll punt the baby if I have to. It's not like I wanna but I gotta do what I gotta do.
And so on and so forth. You GET IT.
#It's technically not enough as I will not shut up about them EVER but yeah. I have cat on lap. I have a cookie. aaaaaaaaaaaa#I did mean for this to be an apology and it became a rant again. I'm so sorry. but yeah... :'D I'm so fucking sorry. I'm such a bitch#I realized that there really wasn't the best evidence for this idea of him saving himself. there's more evidence to COUNTER that.#I mean he could've killed Penelope because she rejected him at first. HE was at risk because she didn't accept him.#and while he was REALLY fucking hurt and called her cruel. he STILL let her have their bed. Their fancy bed that represented THEM#that he refused to sleep in any other bed but that one but if she's not in it with him? There's no point.#It's not a marriage bed if he can't have the marriage that it represents with it.#sad au where Odysseus isn't accepted and he just...stays and watches... can't even move on because he doesn't want anything else#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#let's be real. Odysseus is against drowning but if it's from the Water Wife???👀 He'd be fine sinking to the bottom of the “river”#“Get in the Water” sung by Penelope would be a COMPLETELY different...tune.#*coughs*#I feel so insane right now. Yahoo#sdkjfskldjf#essay
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just done watching bright young things and i enjoyed it but you know who really did it for me? this pretty lil fairy 💞✨🧚💫
like .... look at them
i'm so enchanted. istg. gonna send michael a huge ass virtual hug for giving life to such a fun, colorful, fragile and emotional character <33
#MICHAEL SHEEN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MEEE#i'm cis but the gender envy is real#bright young things#i do hope miles has gotten the chance to live a wonderful life in france#their beauty is just outrageous#i can't shut up about miles i'm sorry miles is the backbone of this whole movie#i'm about to cry#also am i allowed to say i refuse to believe michael was 34 while shooting this#like what is age#don't know her#hashtag to shout out david tennant for playing such an ass in this#don't mind
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literally What is with bsdtwt’s aggressive hatred towards ships that arent s.kk 😭
#im SORRY i do love s.kk but their shippers make it so hard#like SHUT UP!!! STOP!!! half the time theyre mischaracterising them anyway#but theyre legit so mean. especially towards s.igzai shippers it is ridiculous#i dont particularly care for s.igzai but omg?? leave them alone???#theyll legit harrass anyone who ships things other than fucking s.kk. my brother in christ these are fictional characters#and lord FORGIVE s.igskk shippers#sometimes i wanna post my silly thoughts on twitter but i ship kunichuu or chuuran or godbless kunikidazai#but i refrain bc im scared Lmao#ugh. i fucking hate those s.kk shippers#they make EVERYTHING about them even when the story isnt about them#and they refuse to let other shippers have fun it is insane#sigh. why do i use twitter
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hey can we stop for the love of god doing this
#sorry about the mega filters but i am going to lose my fcking mind Enough with this it is SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL. SHUT. UP.#STOP inserting yourself into the story of someone who died for thwir refusal to be complicit in genocide you FUCKING FREAKS
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lmaoooo at the fact that i have like 4 metas on BES sitting in my drafts rn (including an answer to an ask)
#speaking of which. to everyone who sends me asks about meta or even just asking my opinions on things (BES or otherwise). ilysm.#i mean. of course i do. i love having an excuse to ramble about shit!!!#but more than that it means a lot that anyone even cares about what i have to say. to send me asks at all. ykwim.#skfjskj i am sooooo used to just talking to walls about my niche interests or whatever and thats on autism#or is it adhd? idk. my psych refuses to diagnose me because “adhd and autism are just for kids” 😐 real things that have been said to me.#sorry im oversharing now#wait who cares this is my blog. yahoooooooooo#shut up haydar
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This week’s hyperfixation is wax play/knife play with the mob wives. In which they tie your hands to the bedpost while they take turns taunting you with warm wax and when it comes time to take it off, Natasha uses her ever handy pocket knife!
And when you get scared, Wanda is right there to calm you down with her fingers in your mouth and sweet words to get your brain all fuzzy and pliant for them!
#sorry to all my friends who I refuse to shut up to about this#but also not really because my outline keeps getting longer and longer#private hire au
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Thinks about smile for me,,,,,specifically the eyes,,,,,,,,,, hm :)
#eggs can art#danganronpa#drthh#ndrv3#naegamigiri#byakuya togami#makoto naegi#kyoko kirigiri#shuichi saihara#maki harukawa#i need to color somethign some time soon and it might be smile for me au related#listen listen 16 (from sdr2 if we include robo girl nanami) and 6 (dr1 survivors) equals 22 which means my dreams of a smile for me au is#VERY REAL AND I CAN LOVE IT#i know the ven diagram between sfm and dr is probably. me. but like. it means a lot to me and me specifically so SORRY#YOURE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT#if you can live with my annoying ass ship posting 24/7 because I refuse to shut up#then hopefully you can live with me talking about my silly little flower therapy game and how it can relate to my favorite murder game
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If 🔪 all those politicians, ceos, and those who perpetuate the nightmare American healthcare system that only exists to prey and profit off from human lives would stop it, I'd do it even if it means cutting down half of my lifespan or going to purgatory. If it means people won't have to suffer anymore, I would.
#cuz such sick fkcn Evil shouldn't exist#they don't NEED that kind of money. but the health care system is built to make profit 100%.#so many ppl suffering at their expenses in 1st world country like America is ridiculous#I was ranting about this with a paramedic not too long ago and I agree#calling an ambulance costs $2000 alone and shit shouldn't be like this#and med professions don't have much control over it#and medical admins not run by actual doctors and med professionals who knows how it goes but only trained to make $$$#have no fuckin clue how to run a hospital. they know how to make money that's it#may they burn#system is built to fuck someone over either way. refuse Care and you get sick. you accept the care and now you're riddled with heavy debt#shut up cici#cici venting#healthcare#fuck this country's system#If I don't have my health insurance anymore which I can easily lose#then I'm in real trouble with all the mental health meds I'm on..#sorry I need to let this out#idk if purgatory exists but if it does
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the thing is. there is something that i think about a lot. something i haven't told my therapist about. or my parents. or my friends. or even any of you. and i can't tell anyone. because it's stupid. and i was only like that for a little while. except i still sort of am. but i'm not really. because i('d go on and elaborate but that's saying too much.) in short. i sometimes don't behave like that at all. but it's a lot. for the first couple days of january i used to count. and then i stopped because counting was discouraging. but i still see the numbers everywhere. and i feel like i've said too much. but i've been too vague. so nobody will ever know. but there are numbers still everywhere. ones i like. ones i don't. i have to make sure i know what they are. i can't specify because i haven't told anyone and i don't think i ever will. because i'm not really like that. it's not severe. it's never made me sick or hospitalized me. i haven't even made any progress this way. but even so
#random thoughts#saying this because i heard someone from my brother's class talking about something related. their numbers.#and they complained about them. but their friends kept trying to give them more numbers and they refused.#and they said they're not what i might be. they just don't want them is all.#but what i might be is what i am not because i'm not. shut up.#this post is stupid sorry !!
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I'm back in the fucking building again !!!!!!(rereading teen wolf fics I read in late middle school / early high school)
#its actually so embarrassing to be here#ive never seen past s3. never. i havent seen the new movie#i watched this fucked show over a decade ago and yet. AND YET#i was sick and needed comfort so i was going through old bookmarks on ao3 to find something#read one sterek fic. now ive read 20#its so embarrassing my god bc i cant shut up about what im reading EVER#so im talking to my sibling like 'hey... remember that sterek fic i was obsessed with at 13? im rereading it and obsessed AGAIN'#remembering all the insane teen wolf lore and needing to infodump to them even though i havent seen a single episode in like 5 years minimum#@ my twin ily im so sorry i cannot shut up about these stupid werewolves#also learning movie lore through posts. i refuse to believe they actually killed Derek by fire#sorry thats so abigail hobbs. he was always gonna die in that house#if i start teen wolf posting please forgive me
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so anyway diagnosing with google obviously isn't completely reliable but I need to find something that I can pull up to try to convince my dad to let me go to a doctor; and uh, I was reading about fibromyalgia? and it said it mostly diagnosed in adults but the symptoms typically start much earlier so i went "oh, i wonder when"
11-15.
The symptoms of fibromyalgia, all of which I have, typically start the same time all my stuff did.
Hm
Hmmmmmmmmmmm
#honestly by this point I could just wait until im 18 to go#but i'm just reading the symptoms and am having a moment of all of these together are an actual thing#the headaches and back pain and my terrible anxiety feeling so fucking tired all the time not matter how much i sleep#i don't know anything about doctors because my dad refuses to take us to them more than we absolutely have to#and I was always nervous to say anything at yearly checkups about my back bc my dad usually wrote it off as being not that bad#headaches have been contributed to my glasses being too heavy but even with the lense thinners and a lighter frame they haven't stopped#idk#i very well could be being dramatic#but i don't think i am?#apersonwhotalks#sorry i'll shut up now
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