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asiryn · 4 years ago

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this post is going to be very rambly, so i apologize in advance. if you’re potentially interested in my liveblogs, and/or interested in hearing a bit about my current life and disability issues, tune in. if you aren’t, then....keep scrolling i guess XD

(if you just want the current liveblog schedule, scroll to the bottom)

[and this got predictably very long, so i’m gonna put it behind a cut for convenience]

up to recently, my main liveblogs have been about the pokemon anime, with a few other shows, books, and especially video games sprinkled in here and there. essentially, waaaay back in yonder year of 2014, netflix added the first season of pokemon, the indigo league, to their site, and i, in a fit of nostalgia, made the veeery questionable decision to watch all of the pokemon anime---rewatching the stuff i hadn’t touched since i was kid, and then continuing on into the unknown, and watching all the seasons from gen 3 onward that i had missed due to dropping out of pokemon. i only really started actually making liveblog posts once i hit gen 3, then i stayed consistent-ish from then onward. (for the curious, i’m up to sun & moon, and i have 44 episodes left until i finish it (i’m not ready ;;;; ), and then netflix actually just dropped the first 12 episodes of the newest series, pokemon journeys, so....56 until i’ve caught up with the dub XD)

so, all of y’all who climbed aboard with those liveblogs are probably already aware of Who I Am, at least a little. (....this is making it sound like i’m Some Big Name in liveblogging, but i’m not really anything of the sort, just so we’re all on the same page XD) at least, in terms of the fact that i’m physically disabled, suffer from chronic pain, etc. but recently, i’ve joined two new fandoms, and i’ve begun liveblogging spop and my next life as a villainess. and my spop posts in particular are already becoming some of the most popular posts i’ve ever done (like wow, you guys). and i think part of that popularity is due to the fact that these are two pretty recent, pretty popular fandoms (tho i do also like to think that i do make good content XP). but the point is that quite a lot of new ppl are coming across me, and idk how much, if any, of you have taken the time to look at my bio or anything. so i guess....part of this post is just some ruminations, but also my way of letting you know more of what you’re getting into.

so, for those who don’t know: hi, you can call me kiryn, i liveblog stuff sometimes, and i’m physically disabled. i suffer from intense, constant, chronic pain. it stems from a bone disease called HME, or hereditary multiple exostosis, if you’re curious (i have a severe case of it, joy of joys). the short version of what that means is that i have a lot of bone spurs everywhere on my body, and they....cause me a lot of pain. basically, i cannot do any kind of sustained activity without the already significant, never-ceasing pain that i feel cranking up to unbearable levels, and basically i’ll be rendered immobile. i do have pain meds that i take, and that very much help to take the edge off, and make it so that i can function at all (bc, believe fucking me, w/o them, i wouldn’t be able to achieve even the little i can do), but even with them, it only makes a dent in my pain levels, and again, sustained activity makes up that difference very quickly.

now, the gist of this stuff i’ll mention from time to time, but....i don’t usually go into much detail about it (and this post is probably the most detailed i’ve been about my condition in years). bc, quite frankly, it’s depressing. (and seeing as i also already have clinical depression, that’s definitely not something that i need more of XD) i participate in fandoms for escapism, and bc i don’t really want to think about that crushing mountain of reality. i’ve had this condition since birth, and i’ve literally lived my entire life in constant pain, and i honestly have no fucking idea what it even feels like to be painless. and what’s even worse is that it’s a degenerative disease---essentially, the bone spurs are wearing down my joints, so....my entire condition will just keep worsening as i get older. (and no, surgery to remove the spurs isn’t really an option.) i’ll be 29 next month, and i can already tell you, i’ve been feeling that decline sharply. when i was a kid, i could still run. by the time i was a teenager, i couldn’t even do that anymore; the best i could manage was a jog. now....i don’t think i could even do that.

i guess the main point in why i’m saying all this, is that for the last year especially, i’ve been dealing with the worst downward swing that i’ve had in years. in my late teens and early-mid 20s, i got into a pretty good rhythm, of knowing my body’s limits, how to budget spoons to accomplish things, etc. but now even that fragile equilibrium has been thrown out the window, and i’m currently struggling to learn the new limits and rhythm of this downward swing that is unfortunately now my reality. even before, i was pretty limited on what i could accomplish, but even that narrow window has shrunk even further. so basically, i’m in the testing zone still. and it’s a very slow process, bc once i exceed the limit, my body breaks down, and now it takes me even longer to recover. as an example, i used to know that i could wake up in the morning and get ready to leave the house in 20-30 mins. now? i need at least an hour, which involves me pushing through a wave of agony to be able to take my pain meds in the first place, and then wait for those meds to kick in and the pain to die down enough to move without feeling like i’m moving through a wall of spikes. (and that’s just the start of every day for me, and before even throwing in all of the other variables)

so, coming back to the liveblogs......obviously, that’s affected by all this too. if you’ve wondered why there’s been a gap between me finishing up spop s1 and starting s2....that’s why. partly, i didn’t expect how analysis-heavy i was going to get on spop; pokeani just doesn’t tend to be as consistently thematically deep, so those liveblogs took far less out of me than spop has, and pushing myself to finish 5 episodes in one day....well, it was too much. and the thing is, it’s obviously unhealthy for me to continually push myself to the point of total breakdown, so...that’s where learning my new limits comes in. so, these past few days, i’ve been thinking, and essentially trying to better figure out how to do liveblogs like this without pretty much killing myself in the process (bc i honestly do love making them....i mean, if i didn’t, then it really wouldn’t be worth the literal pain it takes to make them XD). and also there’s a component of managing my anxiety-brain, bc leaving things Unfinished stresses me out, and so when coming to terms with the fact that it’s going to take me awhile to finish one show....knowing that i’d be leaving others hanging....Doesn’t Help XD

so, here’s what i’ve got so far (and obvs, this is subject to much tweaking in the future XP)

currently, i’m watching 4 shows: pokeani, good omens, villainess, and spop. villainess rn is the least of my worries, bc 1 ep is coming out a week, so it’s not demanding a lot of my time.

for the other 3, here’s the preliminary schedule i’ve sort of hashed out:

- pokeani sm103-106

- spop s2

- pokeani sm107-110

- spop s3

- pokeani sm111-114

- spop s4

- pokeani sm115-118

- spop s5

- pokeani sm119-122

- good omens

- pokeani sm123-126

- [catch up block] (i don’t have a good track record in keeping up with ongoing shows, so if i fall behind on villainess, this is where i can catch up)

- finish pokeani sun & moon [sm127-146] (the league starts on ep 128, so i’d rather not experience any big interruptions in the battles XD)

basically, i’ve given myself a limit of 4 pokeani eps in a single session (bc as stated, they don’t take as much out of me), and with spop, the most i’ll let myself watch in a row will be 3 eps (s2 will probably be broken up into a 3/2/2 block, s3 a 3/3 block, and s4&5 will be a 3/3/3/2/2 block).

now, keep in mind that i’m very deliberately making no guarantees about specific days, bc who even knows, but at the very least, scheduling and talking it all out like this will help me to better manage my spoons, and if you’ve actually read this far, then you’ll know the method in the madness and why i’m doing things this way. XD the vague goal is to get in a least 1 liveblog session a week (plus a bonus of the new villainess ep on saturdays)---at least for the shows. i’m still having to working out what i’m going to do about video games....maybe i should just go on a ‘once a week’ model for all my hobbies across the board XDD

in the next couple of days, i’ll be posting that in-depth look into all the ships of villainess (it started as me just pecking down a few thoughts while i was taking a social media break due to the Current Events, but now i’m at the point where i’m like, i’ve put too much effort into this to not post it, damn it XP), and then depending on spoons, i’ll try to start in on that schedule this week, so stay tuned for some pokeani! (again....i’ll try to hit at least 1 liveblog a week before i start trying to get more ambitious XDD)

in any case, if you have stuck through to the end, thank you very much. your support means a lot to me 💖

#kiryn's adventures in liveblogging #kiryn watches pokemon #kiryn watches spop #kiryn watches she ra #kiryn watches my next life as a villainess #kiryn watches good omens #life updates #disability talk #scheduling

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cancerbiophd · 6 years ago

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Hi Julia! Sorry if this seems like a lot, but I hope you don't mind me asking. To contextualize: I’m about to graduate with a BA in Bio! I was initially pre-med for ~3 years of undergrad, but I realized I didn't have a strong interest in being an MD. Bc of multiple reasons (in part, a lot of anxiety), I hadn't gotten much extracurricular/lab experience in that time. After tons of (painful :() introspection, I want to go for a grad program after my gap year - (1/3)

but I wasn’t able to get into a lab this year (bc 4th yr, yk? :(). The most “lab” experience I’d gotten was taking some upper level Bio classes. I’m worried about my chances of even landing a lab tech (or related) position to get experience before the next application cycle. I could take multiple gap years, but I’m not sure if I’ll have stable housing or be able to find a job in my hometown. If it’s worth mentioning, I’ve been a TA for a lab course, done some work as a grader, and have GREATLY improved my grades, but compared to my peers it feels like… not much. The profs I’m close with seem to think I’ll still be just fine, but people advise doing much more than I did (which is completely understandable). I guess I’m just stuck and frustrated w/ myself that I hadn’t done anything sooner. Do you have any advice on how to move from here? Thank you so much!

Hi anon!!!

Firstly, I want to congratulate you on graduating!!! (they really should just combine the words and make it “Congraduations!” lol anyway) no but seriously, you got a BA to your name now!! Feels good yall.

Secondly, I was in the same! exact! boat! omg. you sure you’re not me from like 8 years ago? Because I also went into undergrad focused on pre-med, decided nope not for me, realized I wanted to go into grad school, but didn’t have a lot of lab experience (bc I had no idea where to start or what to do). I managed to squeeze in 1 semester of volunteering in a lab before graduating, but I knew that really wasn’t enough. It then took me 5 tedious months of searching before I landed a lab tech job that gave me the experience I needed (and also guided me towards my current field of cancer bio).

Just like you I was super bummed that I didn’t discover sooner in my college career what the right path was, but I was elated that I at least did discover the right path. What’s that one saying... the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago; the next best time to plant a tree is today. So take a deep breath, get back up, and tell that little voice in your head that you don’t have the time and energy to feel frustrated because this is the beginning of a new chapter, and you are gonna work hard for it, starting today!

Keep up the search for an entry-level position at a research lab (such as a lab tech). Along with checking the regular job posting sites (like Craigslist and Monster), also look for temp agencies, and seek out newly established labs (eg. PIs who just moved to your local research univ– they’ll be needing a lab tech real bad and they probably have boat-loads of money as a new recruit. That’s how I found my lab tech job).

Here’s a post I made regarding cold-emailing PIs to see if they’re hiring (and not all of them post positions online; sometimes they find the person they want to hire first, and then post the position to make it official with the university. Something to keep in mind!)

Here’s a masterpost of links to job websites specifically for scientists (hopefully the links still work; I haven’t checked in a while)

Another option, if you’re up for it, could be to move to a different location that would have more job opportunities for your field. For example, Seattle and California are some hotspots for biotech. Recently there was one cancer immunotherapy start-up in Seattle that was hiring 50 scientist positions at once. Check out Boston University’s Biomedical Workforce Data Report to see where the potential hotspots are in the US.

You can also acquire other related non-lab (but still paid) experiences, such as becoming a biology tutor and freelance science writer.

Utilize your network. Ask your friends, family, past professors, college alumni, etc if they know of anyone working at a place that could hire you. Someone could know someone who knows someone! Before I landed my lab tech job, a friend of a friend of my mom’s had offered me an internship position at her research institution in Florida.

If your goal is a PhD, you can consider doing a Masters first to gain more experience. I know many colleagues in the life sciences who did a Masters first as a “stepping stone” towards their PhD, and typically Masters programs are more lenient on requiring lots of lab experience. I have a post here about the pros and cons of doing a Masters before a PhD (US centric).

Other things that can ramp up your application include acing the GRE (general) and GRE Biology Subject Test (if that’s the grad field you want to pursue). I know of one student in our pharmacology/toxicology PhD program who had very little lab experience but still got in because one PI in particular was super impressed with his perfect GRE score. Some really amazing letters of rec and a killer personal statement will also help.

I hope that helps a bit. I’m always here to chat if you have other questions or just need someone :) I’ve definitely been in your same exact boat, so I know what you’re going through. It wasn’t easy or fun in the slightest bit, but I got through it, and I know you can too

#Anonymous #grad advice #job advice

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moonhottie · 4 years ago

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ive been super inactive on most social media since the pandemic began (almost a full year now). i truely do find the new ways of life to be helpful towards myself personally, ive had time to notice myself more often and my anxiety has decreased since i dont have as many social interactions. i rarely hear from my friends, which i guess isnt much different than before, but it makes me realize how little connections i have. ive been doing well in school (tho it consumes most of my time even as a part time student because everything is online) and i feel more at ease with online classes (which i thought before but wasnt sure). most of all my coworkers are new and i feel very detached from them; i dont feel like my connections with them will strenthen since i am isolated from my coworkers by being alone in the front with customers. i feel less anxious at work, im more confident in what i do and less concerned about customers being upset (especially when its not my fault or a rediculous request). i stopped taking my anxiety meds in the fall and havent seen my therapist in a year, which is still concerning of course, but i do feel that the pandemic has lessened my natural anxiety and allowed me to process and evaluate things without necessarily needing to have talk therapy. im able to talk to myself more often bc im not around other people frequently and ive noticed self growth more and more recently. i stick up for myself, have more confidence, and feel myself maturing mentally and spiritually (progress is slow but i am noticing it). this has also given me the ability to recognize i have serious issues with my diabetes management. i havent fully accepted that i have to live a life with diabetes and have continued to ignore it since the beginning of summer. i feel so disappointed in myself and have it on my mind constantly. my poor health has noticable indications but either people havent noticed or thought much about my changes as it relates to my diabetes. which brings me to my next point/realization. the issues i was having with accepting and recognizing the way i look isnt just body dismorphia, i have diabulimia which is an eating disorder. my health is degrading and i feel awful all the time but im just so scared of what my life will be when i begin to take care of my diabetes properly. i feel so lost with the management and i have felt that my doctor doesnt understand me or my body that well. i feel uncomfortable speaking to him about my health and i constantly feel judged even though im trying my hardest. i just havent accepted my diabetes yet. the eating disorder makes it harder for me to want to begin consistent insulin injections and stable health. i really want to be healthy. i really really want to be healthy, but my mental health regarding my physical appearance has become very weak. i used to never care about what i looked like, what people thought of me or my weight and appearance relating to it, but now that i have become skinny i hate thinking of the way i looked before. i dont remember myself much pre-diabetes but with the amount of insulin that has been recommended for me i gain so much weight, who i am at my skinniest and who i am at my heaviest are completely different. totally unrecognizable from the physical perspective. i feel more attractive when im my skinnier/unhealthy version too, i have more confidence and people validate me more often. i feel more admired and recognized. its a nice feeling. when im heavier/healthier i become more self-concious, my mom makes negative remarks about my body and my weight (even tho she thinks i have anorexia when im underweight) and my physical features that i dont like become more prominent. i go unnoticed and never recieve compliments. its very degrading. on top of it all, most of my social interactions are with my parents and i dont feel comfortable speaking freely with them. i try never to upset them and i havent been able to figure out who i am. im worried it means i wont be able to know myself until after i graduate and move out, and that i wont be able to live

my life the way i want to bc ill have a later start at life and ill miss out on doing things with friends and people my own age before they move on to their next phase. its just exhausting. im proud of myself but i would just love to be able to be healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually

#02.12.2020 #reflections #sad

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lavender-montgomery · 4 years ago

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ramble tw: ed,depression, psychosis and anxiety mention

Really hating being at home at the moment, I take any excuse to go out for as long as I can. I just stayed two nights at my best friend’s house, I wish I stayed longer. There’s this chick I’m talking to who means a lot to me but I can’t see her atm bc of the virus. She doesn’t have it (thank god) she’s being careful which is fair enough, but it’s hard not meeting up with her when all I wanna do is be around her and be cute and hear her voice.

My Mam is really unwell and it’s not looking good, I am very anxious about it. I can’t see her or talk to her much at the moment.

I’ve decided to finally do stuff I really wanted to do that my ex didn’t allow, such as more piercings (I took most of mine out) and FINALLY getting a mullet. Also planning my next tattoo as it has been so long since I’ve had new ink. Feels good to be getting back to how I used to look, feels like me again, I changed myself so much for my ex and I just wasn’t me at all

It also feels good to not be denying my sexuality anymore, it used to get me super down

I’m in a really weird mood at the moment, I feel empty yet sad and heavy and anxious. About me mam, my ex, I’m worried I’ve fucked up with someone, sad about my sister, anxious about living arrangements

That’s another thing, living arrangements. I’m really looking forward to living alone and doing what I want with my tiny ass flat, but the building itself and area I live in is dangerous so living here alone is scary. I’ve become very jumpy especially at home, if someone even unlocks the door it scares me a lot and I am constantly on edge. A lot of bad stuff happens here which has given me this extreme anxiety of being here. I know I could move, but I love the flat itself and it’s near places I wanna work. I suppose I’ll see how it goes living by myself and if it’s too bad then I will look at moving. I’m not gonna lie, my building looks like the crack den Cumberbatch’s Sherlock was staying at. It’s a mess. But my flat itself is nice so I don’t mind.

I just wanna be alone, listen to music, do some art and cuddle my cat.

The lass I’m talking to got me a Pooh plush which made me stupidly happy and I’ve not put him down

I’m getting fish soon and more plants, turning my flat into my happy place

You ever get days where your mental illness just hits you full force? Today is one of those days with my depression and my psychosis and anorexia has been bad again. It’s my own fault, I’m not taking my meds and my ex would get angry at me - but I’m not taking them BECAUSE of my psychosis, my main hallucination which I posted about on here when I first started this blog. It’s a tough cycle that I know I gotta break, I just don’t have the strength or willpower to do that right now.

It’s weird when my anorexia gets bad. It’s very sad, it controls me, I feel physically unwell and it brings my other mental illnesses to light. At the same time, it makes me happy, when I go a while without eating and I feel that burning in my chest and throat and I’m shaky, I feel like congratulating myself for doing so well. It makes me happy knowing I can do it again, and honestly? The only bad thing I can see happening about living alone is my anorexia properly returning long term. I’m torn, part of me is so excited for that, but I’ve also done so well these past few months with my eating. It’ll be worth it when I look better. I wish I looked how I did when I was 18, looking at old pictures makes me sad. I was so, so skinny. I looked ill, my skin was white, I was so weak. The worst part is I’d get praised for how ‘fantastic’ I looked and people would ask me for weight loss advice, which of course only fueled it. Why did no one help me? Why was it unnoticed and not cared about? I couldn’t shop in town as barely anywhere sold my size clothes and the few times I would find my size the range would be so limited. I had to get my clothes sent over from Japan or wear stuff oversized which only made me look tinier. At the time I didn’t want help or for people to know, but looking back I’m wondering why the fuck no family or close friends other than my ex said anything or helped. It got to the point I would be wearing clothes for nine year olds, which I was incredibly proud of. Yet another thing I’m torn about, it was one of the worst times of my life dealing with that but at the same time... I looked the best I’ve ever looked. Skinny, pale, short hair, piercings, getting tattoos, I dressed nice. I still dress the same I suppose but it doesn’t look as good because I’m fat. Despite it being an awful time, I’d give anything to go back to it overnight. I’ll get there, it’s gonna be slow and it’s gonna take a lot out of me. I’ll look like me again eventually. Do I wanna do it? Who knows.

I’ve been having sensory overload a lot more recently, it’s starting to become an issue. It doesn’t help that my ex gets angry at me and yells, doesn’t let me have quiet and makes it worse. I almost cry begging him to just please don’t talk to me and don’t move near me, but for some reason every time it happens he insists on yelling and swearing at me, getting in bed next to me watching videos on his phone, moving about on the bed messing about with the duvet and he brings his cat who gets in my face and has the loudest purr I have ever heard come from a cat. All this when I am having a sensory overload moment is a nightmare, it’s so frustrating and he makes me feel so stupid for it. He tells me I’m stupid and pathetic. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I’m not diagnosed autistic or anything but apparently I show a lot of traits of it. My ex tells me I’m autistic, he uses it to insult me. Even now, I’m trying to distract myself posting this as I haven’t had a long vent about everything for ages, I’ve asked him to just give me a few minutes to myself and he’s going on at me to clear the bed so he can get in it as he ‘wants bedtime’. It’s 5:30PM, he could always clear the bed himself but he makes me do it.

Ah, my disability. It’s getting bad again - what isn’t? I’ve only used my wheelchair once since the breakup because I’m unable to push myself in it, I need someone to push me, but it isn’t Lukas’ thing to do anymore. He pushed me the other morning when we went to ASDA. I’ve been in a lot of pain recently, my ex has a go at me for going out if I’m gonna come home in pain and not do things like make myself food when he says or clear the bed for him. He tells me I need to prioritise. I tell him I’m not gonna just never go out and have no social life incase my disability plays up, right now it isn’t even that that’s the issue, I’m in pain because of the cold. He didn’t accept that. What does he expect me to do? It’s the end of December, it’s cold, I can’t just stay inside until spring. Recently I asked him to pass me something off his desk he was sat at because my back was bad. He lost it, called me a lazy cunt. Says he’s in pain too he shouldn’t have to ‘do everything for me’. I told him the scissors are a foot away from him, it makes sense for him to just pass them to me, any normal person would do that. Of course he didn’t accept that so continued swearing at me. This happens a lot.

I told him no more sex. Despite breaking up over a month ago we are still living together while he finds a new place and he is often in the mood so we were still having sex. It was consensual, but I told him no more.

Today’s a bad day and there are some bad things going on, but it’s not all bad. The past 2/3 weeks I’ve been doing better than I have for a long time. Making plans for living alone, returning to bar work which I love, planning to visit my family in Essex and my friends in Bristol. Sorting my appearance out again, embracing my sexuality, getting back in touch with friends. And her. I’ve already mentioned her a few times but man, I can’t help it. She makes me smile like I haven’t in a long time, we talk all day/night, she’s adorable. I’m not gonna get my hopes up, I don’t think I’d make her happy like she deserves, and she deserves so, so much, more than I could ever be; but I’m happy with how it is now even if only temporary. She makes me feel less alone, feel wanted, appreciated, cared for, happy. She’s someone from my past I never thought would be in my life again but I am really happy she is. What a blessing ♡

#vent #rant #ramble #TW depression #tw anorexia #tw eating disorder #tw anxiety #tw psychosis

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actuallyadhd · 7 years ago

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Hopefully supportive reply to the askers who need support

I have social anxiety so hum I didn’t want to reblog with advice is it okay to submit advice instead? Unless my advice is bad then please delete or something if you hum want.

“Anonymous’s Submission:

My bosses are getting on my case about my speed at work, and between my ADHD, medication that’s making me overheat, and various small physical ailments, I can’t actually meet the pace they want me to (I tried, and it made me sick). I’m in the process of looking for a new job, but I’m sorely tempted to quit this one even before I get another, better job, bc the stress is just awful. I don’t know how to make it clear to my bosses that I’m not as abled as I look :( ”

I am so sorry you are going through that. You are [not] defective for having small physical ailments and not being able to go super fast. You are doing the best you can and you are doing a good job! I am sorry your bosses cannot see that. If you decide to keep your job while looking for your other one, I recommend since it’s super stressful being belittled all the time do some things to soothe yourself maybe while your on break or at home. Maybe listen to your favourite songs, take bubble bathes and perhaps if you are not afraid of touch you could ask a friend or a social tie to message you or you could hug yourself and pat yourself on the back and say you did a good job today. You could also write yourself a letter or a small note to yourself everyday saying you did the best you can and maybe say some nice things to yourself to counter what your bosses are saying that you are doing the best you can to yourself. Unless you find talking to yourself or writing to yourself and hugging yourself is not for you. I do thin you deserve lots of self-care during this stressful job finding and still job doing while you are on the job. This belittling that you do not deserve because you are awesome, will pass or the stress of the new job and transition will pass. Until then when you are on break you deserve lots of pleasant comfy things or something. While we cannot always change people’s unappreciation of us or life’s daily stresses or some of them, that doesn’t mean we cannot appreciate ourselves or something.

“Anonymous’s Submission:

every time my being on medicine comes up in conversation, my mom ignores whatever the topic was and jumps to “do you really NEED all that stuff…? why don’t you stop taking it? i don’t think you really need it. what’s it doing for you anyways?” all i can do is avoid bringing it up- every little complaint about side affects/prices/different generics turns into her pressuring me to stop altogether.”

I am sorry your mom’s invalidating you. Perhaps you could send your mother links on the pills you are taking and how it benefits you and you could tell her while some people don’t need their pills, it helps you function. Does your mother have any developmental or mental disabilities? You could tell her that just because she doesn’t need pills to help her function doesn’t mean it’s not valid that you take your pills to function. Sending people links to things does not always seem to work for me. You could also tell her that you are glad she cares so much for you in your own way but you can make your own decisions and you know what’s best for you and that while she’s great at caring she’s not a doctor. Unless she is a doctor then you could tell her gently that she is not a physctirst and while she has- Where was I going with this? If you cannot change her mind at all, which is unfortunate, some of our loved ones can be stubborn- Perhaps you could take a deep breathe, maybe do some self-care activities before visiting her, maybe play your fav music in the background while she complains to you about you having to take your pills- not in your ears. I have done that once and my Uncle got mad at me- Or perhaps some comfy object or something squishy to squeeze or something- still interact with her, unless you don’t want to but you could use pleasant music and squeezing something to maybe make the conversations less unpleasant? Maybe? I am sorry if this isn’t good advice. Unfortunately my dad often belittles me for singing, laughing, being hyperactive and I cannot change him he’s very stubborn not that some people cannot change but unfortunately when my relatives or some of my relatives belittle me for my disabilities which is- though I guess it’s not quite the same since she’s belittling you for needing to take your meds? Where was.I going with this? You don’t deserve this unpleasantness of course but sometimes relatives will just stay being relatives or they won’t change so we have to cope with self-care and deep breathing and- I lost my train of thought sorry.

“adventureswithgracetopher’s Submission:

I need to get on my meds again, but I misplaced the card with my doctor’s number on it. I need to clean my room so I can find the card, but it’s hard to concentrate on cleaning without my meds.”

Would you be able to take the bus to the doctor’s office to get the phone number? I once tried to make an appointment or argued that my friend when we were at the doctor’s office when I was there with her for some reason, I don’t remember why, anyway I argued that she should be able to make the appointment right there and not have to call. But they disagreed with me. Would it be weird to go visit a drop in doctor’s office? Though would a new doctor you are only going to see once give you a prescription? And if you went to your regular doctor’s office by taking a bus or car would they give you the number or maybe an patient there? I think the reception might give it to you maybe.

If you cannot do all that are any friends or social ties or neighbours have any free time to help you clean your room and you could take them out for lunch, unless they want to do it for free and then maybe you will find it after hopefully one of those contacts could help you clean your room if they do. Sorry if this advice is bad.

“Anonymous’s Submission:

I feel like I’m losing interest in my relationship and it’s scaring me because I’m inlove but it’s slipping…”

Well there are always ways to fall in interest with someone again, don’t worry if you want to stay in the relationship there’s ways to fall in interest or in love with someone again. You could do new things together or maybe- maybe this is bad advice- I am sorry. I think I was trying to say is the relationship won’t nessarily end if you don’t want it too if you are losing interest, you still care about each other. Feelings can be intense sometimes and less intense other times, they won’t go away forever. You could do new things with friends if you want or- This might be bad advice. Sorry I lost track of what I was trying to say. The disinterest could pass though and increase again

“Anonymous’s Submission:

Only recently finding out all the symptoms to my Inattentive ADHD. I always thought certain things I did were just that. Things I did. Now, as an Adult, am I actually seeing these things for what they are. It’s surreal, but it brings certain things in perspective. It’s… freeing, in its own way, even if it scares me and makes me question certain things about myself. I’m glad I’m finally learning after 17~ years of only know it as the ‘I can’t pay attention’ illness.”

Knowledge about ourselves can be liberating, like when I learn more about my own adhd and things click in my head and know it’s not my fault my brain is wired that way and we are okay the way we are. I am glad you got this knowledge. What does it make you question about yourself? You don’t have to answer at all sorry for asking. It’s okay to not like having adhd sometimes. I have combined ADHD, and it can be difficult be inattentive and not finishing all my projects and hobbies and also start daydreaming when people are talking to me and then I feel bad. Hum what was I getting at? I think that it’s okay to doubt yourself or have questions or something.

notmyrealblogdonotfollow’s Submission:

I’ve had three meltdowns (bad ones, hyperventilating etc) in the last 24 hours!! There was a clear reason why the first one happened, but I’ve never had multiple in a row for the same problem??? Like I woke up this morning and almost immediately started hyperventilating, and that’s NEVER happened to me before. It’s so draining. I’m feeling better about the original problem now but I just don’t understand why this happened. I’ve had more upsetting problems, with more underlying stress, and only ever had one meltdown and then been ok the next day.“

Sometimes small things can seem really big in our brains and maybe our thoughts can blow things out of proportion. I have felt overwhelmed without realizing it. That can be draining I am so sorry that you had to go through that. It’s okay to be overwhelmed by something small, any kind of stress no matter how small, the ways it affects us is valid even if our reaction is really large. It’s okay. You deserve lots of comfy things and I hope those small upsetting things happen less. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to have meltdowns multiple times though that stuff, or feeling overwhelmed can be scary. Sometimes even the littlest things can be overstimulating that’s okay, you aren’t week or anything.

I am sorry if any of this advice was bad or supportive comments. This got long sorry.

#submission #Actually ADHD #ADHD #Anon #Support Sunday

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awmnosty · 5 years ago

Text

So, uh, I'm going to post some ramblings here bc I don't think anyone I know personally really uses Tumblr anymore. Don't really have anyone to talk about this shit about and tbh don't really want to talk about it to anyone at all bc I don't want to sound like I'm complaining and bother anyone with that. So I'll just leave this here to get it off my chest.

SO for literally 10 years, if not longer than that...I don't even remember the last time, or if I ever felt what 'normal' is supposed to be like. But I am finally seeing, or admitting to myself rather, that I have a chronic dissociative disorder. And this makes me so angry bc I feel like I can't do shit about it and I'm just stuck like this.

I literally have no ambition to do anything, I feel like I can never truly enjoy anything. It's like I'm never ACTUALLY even experiencing shit. I just like... Sit here. I have no real interests or hobbies and have no ambition to get into anything. I try to fill my emptiness with cute things, collection Pokemon cards and watching anime and reading manga but nothing really helps. I'm just here, I think. And that's it. I honestly feel like an empty shell at this point. Why am I even alive. I feel like I’m not, its just stupid and I hate it

I was in denial for a long ass time but I don't have any friends left and I deserve that. I never realized until Facebook's memories things but I used to complain a LOT and about everything and of course no one wants to see it listen to that shit all the time. At some point when I realized my friends were drifting away I thought it was a good idea to just go ahead and say what I thought people would want to hear and oh boy that just made things worse. So fuck past me

But anyway, it was extremely hard to do but I finally told my husband (who I've been with for 6 years) about my dissociation and he was supportive but it is so difficult for people who have never had any mental health issues to actually understand. He said I should go see a psychiatrist and I know he's right but I'm so extremely hesitant to do that.

First of all, all they're going to do is just pump me full of more meds which I REALLY don't want. I have FINALLY been grand mal seizure free for almost 5 years and adding more to that is going to put me at high risk for relapsing. And also, like 50% of my job is driving so if I have a seizure I'm SOL. Virginia law says you can't drive for 6 months after a seizure and with all my bills that just can't fucking happen. And also I just don’t really want to talk about it irl, I just start crying when I try to and end up saying never mind don’t worry about it

I’ve been having ridiculous anxiety lately too. My job sucks and I was applying for new ones. I got 3 phone calls for interviews..I always let unknown numbers go to voicemail then call back if its important. But I never called any of them back and I hate myself for it. I’m suck in the rut and want to get out but I can’t muster up the ambition to get out. I’m scared of going to interviews and not getting the job and it making me feel even worse. Or like..also its not going to make a difference with my metal health

This goes for making friends too. I want to make friends. But I don’t even know where to start. Like I want to play D&D but joining a group and meeting new people scared the shit out of me. Also, like the job interviews, I’ve had a few times where someone does message me to start a conversation and I panic and don’t respond or wait a long ass time to respond at which point the person is like ok I guess you’re not interested in becoming friends and never message me again. Fair enough, anyone would think that

I’ve also reached a point where my self care is basically non existent. I’ve only been showering like maybe once a week. On my days off I sleep most of the day. Our apartment is a fucking mess and I have no ambition to clean it. I eat like shit. I never even noticed until recently when I’ve been seeing posts about making sure you drink enough water...I have gone entire days without drinking water and now that I’m conscious about it I’ve been forcing myself to drink

Ahem, I strayed way from my initial wanting to just write about my dissociation and now this is just more bitching and its all over the place. I usually end up crying and delete these ramblings within 24 hrs but I’m going to try not to

Cya

#dissociation

0 notes

colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 7 years ago

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My insurance company said they need the car title before they can give me insurance on the car. This doesn't make any sense, the dealer say they cannot hold on to the car once it's bought because it's not their responsbility anymore. But I need to buy the car to get the title and the title won't be processed for 1-2 weeks. So once I buy the car I need to take it home but that means driving without insurance, what's going on here is it okay?""

Insuring a VW Beetle?

i really want a red VW Beetle, the newer version, but not really new so it costs tons. I would be a 1st time buyer at 17/18 years old. what is the average price for that car and what does the insurance cost nowadays?""

Ticket for no insurance while riding my motorcycle in california?

I got pulled over for speeding. i have no insurance but i have my motorcycle permit and my driving license. when he pulled me over he asked for my license and of course, i didnt have it. it was in my jacket and i didnt wear it. i had my permit for my bike though. gave him that and my registration. he asked for my insurance, and i knew i didnt have it. but i looked through my backpack and under the rear seat. so when he gave me the ticket he said that the no insurance and license was just a fix it ticket and to take it into the court and show them and they will sign it of and the other is speeding. when i looked at the ticket when i got home, in the part where they rite down if it can be corrected or not the license says yes and the insurance says no. my question is, if i buy insurance now and go in and show them that with the license will they sign it off. or what will they do if i dont have insurance? also the reason i dont have insurance is i dont have the funds to buy it. i just want an answer to my question please not a lecture. thank you""

How much does insurance cost for old/classic cars cost?

I am 15 and and a half, and I live in New Mexico, here you get a drivers license at that age. Anyway, my parents got me a 1977 oldsmobile vista cruiser (my dream car) and I know insurance for older cars are cheaper, how much (average) would it cost and could you recommend insurance companies which you think is best""

""Why do people think because Obama wants heath care to be more affordable, that he is for socialism?""

I personally am tired of paying over $10,000. for medical coverage and co-pays because we do not get a more reduced rate, then would be from a larger company, we do recieve a small ...show more""

What cars are cheap to insure in england?

im 19 and have had my license for 2 years and im looking to buy a car. I want a 4 door car but really don't care what it is as long as it is cheap. So i would like to know if there are any particular cars that are known to have cheaper insurance, thanks.""

What's the average penalty for driving without insurance in England?

What sort of fine, and how many points?""

What is the difference between insurance and banassurance?

Ex. Insurance deals by LIC, GIC Banassurance deals by banks""

I do not have any health insurance. Where can I find a psychiatrist to talk to in VA that is affordable?

Automotive Insurance?

Insurance designed to protect an insured driver or owner from the claims of others is called: collision insurance financial responsibility insurance liability insurance comprehensive insurance

Car insurance question? help!?

I am going to get my dad to be the main driver and me to be the named driver because it makes my first insurance 300.00 =] Which is cheap for an 18 year old! lol But an insurance company phoned up today and said if i did this i would not be able to drive the car, if i did i would be uninsured? That sounds wrong, i was thinking maybe he thought i hadn't passed my test? So would i be able to drive by myself with a full UK licence as a named driver on the car i own? Thanks""

About how much is the average teen insurance of the lowest requirements for TX of a 17 year old with a license

Should I sue Texas for requiring me to buy auto insurance?

After all I'm a good driver, and I'm willing to take your chances that I'll be financially responsible if something unexpected happens. Why should I be forced to take part in the government sponsored mandate to purchase something? What about free enterprise and my freedom to spend or not spend my own hard-earned money? Maybe I could get my case heard by the Supreme Court....""

Does getting car insurance quotes lower your credit score?

I was wondering if getting multiple insurance quotes can significantly lower your FICO score due to inquiries..especially if you have a limited credit history..

Insurance on a reeeeeeally cheap car?

So here's my story. I want to learn to drive standard before I purchase my serious car but the thing is, I dont know how! Now, I've asked almost everyone I know that can drive standard to teach me but no one has kept their word. I found a cheap car that's standard (has a turbo too!) for a really low price. When I'm driving the car home (when/if I buy it) and when Im driving around learning how to drive a standard, do I need insurance on the car? Is there anything I can say so to the insurer so that I dont have to pay that much insurance? I plan to drive the car for maybe 2 weeks until I'm confident driving one. How about license plates? Do I need to buy a new one? Can I just renew an old plate I have laying around? Thanks!""

Where is the cheapest Motorcycle insurance for a Honda CBR500R in Vancouver?

I'm a new rider buying my first bike. I am not really sure which options are available for insurance. I know ICBC has mandatory liability that has to be paid to them, however I'd like to know where the cheapest motorcycle insurance for a CBR500R is. Any help or info would be appreciated - Brad""

Low cost health insurance for people who are unemployed?

Looking for an insurer for less than $300/month. Some health issues are involved.

What's the annual policy premium?

I have an amount of 623 dollars for annual policy premium for life insurance. Do I have to pay the amount?

Car insurance help ok so i am going to be a first year driver?

ok so i am going to be a first year driver what insurance company should i get since the are a lot of them out there and how much do u think i will be paying per month in joliet IL i am a male and 18 years old

Can anyone tell me what company provides affordable health care?

I am researching health care plans, and they are all too expensive. I have to buy it for me and my soon-to-be wife. We both have costly pre-existing conditions, and no one seems to cover that at an affordable price if at all. I was hoping someone could tip me off where to buy a good health care plan.""

I am thinking of getting renters insurance. What is the cost of most average cost of most polices?

Live in a 2 story, downstairs apartment ground floor, one level., I have a doxie (weiner dog), my son who is an adult and my husband.""

Health insurance question?

As of right now I am on Medicaid Family planning Insurance, but my husband's employer is going to give us health insurance pretty soon but we don't have it yet. Here is my question will I still be eligible for family planning medicaid when we do get health insurance? Next does health insurance cover tubal ligation if I am not covered by medicaid? If not how can I get my tubes tied?""

Car insurance. Diesel 1.6 or petrol 2.0?

Which would be cheaper to insure.

""Planned Parenthood, No insurance?""

What are the chances that if My girlfriend and I were to go to Planned Parenthood, and we both don't have insurance, and are under 18, we'd get some tests and things free or covered? Her family is both parents and 3 kids, but she doesn't know their income. And my family is just my mom and 3 kids. We want to know if Pregnancy tests, birth control, and maybe even Abortion could be possibly free. Please don't freak out that I threw abortion in there, it's only in the worse case scenario, and I want to know just in case, please don't go off on me, and please, just answer my question. Please and thanks. We're in california btw, for those who need that info.""

Can I purchase a car in my name but put the insurance in someone else's name?

I plan on purchasing a car soon, but I want to put it on my fathers insurance because it would be cheaper to pay. Is that possible? also does it depend on the state that you live in? If so can someone tell me for the state of Virginia? Thank You.""

Can The Insurance Be In Someone Else's Name When You Finance A Car?

I want to finance a car, i know full coverage insurance under my name won't be cheap but can like a family member put full coverage insurance on my car through their name (i'll pay the bill) so it can be cheaper...? thanks""

Does car insurance rate depend on a car's make and model?

I'm trying to decide whether to buy a 1999 toyota camry or a 2003 honda accord and i'd like to know if it makes a difference on the rate depending on year. I also recently got into a car accident that was my fault which i know will obviously increase my rate.

""Im 19 Before buying my truck, insurance, down payment?""

Okay so I'm gonna finance a truck next week with 2,000 down is that too much ? 377 a month! I'm 19. I make 2,000 flat a month pay 250 for rent I live with my prents so 1,750 are for me(: my job is 15 minutes away (: Anyway do I need insurance too take the car home ? Can I get it later ? I asked for a over the phone quote with adranas insurance and it was $200 and they want $300 upfront for the first month that's way to much! Would those $200 a month go down ? And how long do I need full cover on the truck I would buy? I never had an accident never had a ticket or anything my license is clean I got it about 9 months ago! Can I put the insurance under someone else's name ? Like my dad ? Or what can I do ? It's a 2004 silverado v8 2 door! They said I need insurance with 500 deductible what does that mean ? I live in Los Angeles 90018 CA""

Which is best general insurance to take?

I can pay 2000rs/annam.I need Health & Mediclaim Policy. My Requirements -- Maximum coverage of insurance.Should cover all diseases including new diseases which will come in future(i have worried about swin flu a new arraival in 2009). My age is 27years.

How much will it cost for a 17 year old girl to get auto insurance.?

i dont have a car yet im getting it in August, and my mom said that she does not want me under her insurance so im stuck getting it by myself what can i do?""

17 year old girl insurance?

My dad is a mechanic and will only buy me a 1.0 for insurance and cost. I want to know how much would it cost me to insure a Citroen Saxo when i have my full liscence in 6 monts?? I was told it is also possible to be a name driver on one of my parents insurance. How much would that cost??

Why is my insurance qoutes so high!?

hey all, I am a 17 year old male, live in cumbria. i realise this is a c rated insurance post code, i understand that. what i do not understand is why when i put in qoutes for the exact same car, exact same details all bar the name, my insurance skyrockets. i get qoutes of 3200 on a corsa 1.0 and the like (small, 1.2 or less cars) whereas friends, even 1 of which lives 5 doors away from me, get qoutes of about 2400. why is this? i understand the post code part, but the thing is all my friends being qouted live in the same area, in the same town, same estate in fact, our first four letters of our postcodes are the same, i thought this was what determined the post code factor. im currently a student, ive put down i have held my license for 4 months, i am the registered owner and keeper of the car, i am the policy holder, even added a parent with 30+ years experience on (which by the way only saved me 100) and i got 3200. my friend on the same street got 2400. why is this? also, can anyone recommend a cheap insurance company, as a young driver? eg. under 19 really, because i know car insurance has almost doubled in like 3 years. no wonder people are illegaly driving with this daylight robbery scam called insurance. thanks""

""What life insurance is best for a senior 62 female, on a fixed income, AARP or Landmark Life? asap?

My mom and I are ingnorant to the premiums and the small print on determining the rates. Need an honest opinion from a good christian person. Just need help in determining which is better AARP or Landmark Life? I see two very charts that have us concern if we made the right choice with the one paying more to get less...over a ten yr period. Thank you for taking time to respond

Looking for individual dental insurance in NY without a 12-month waiting period - is there such a thing?

I'm shopping around for dental insurance and most plans I see have a 12 month waiting period for major procedures - and I'm going to need to get my wisdom teeth out soon. Can anybody recommend me a plan? Thanks!

If you don't have car insurance.. is it okay if...?

I live in Oregon. I was wondering if you don't have car insurance does your license get suspended? someone said it did, someone else said it didnt.""

Good Car Insurance Agency in Kentucky?

I'm going to be heading to Eastern Kentucky, near Hazard. I currently have Nationwide insurance, but may change my insurance around if it is cheaper. What are some good and cheaper car insurance companies?""

Do you have to have sr-22 insurance on a motorcycle if you need it on a car?

there was a judgment entered that i have to have sr-22 for 3 years b/c of a car accident that my insurnce company would cover me on. i now want to buy a motorcycle and need to know if i need sr-22 for the bike. i have non owners sr-22 from the courts judgment

Whats the average cost for insurance for a corvette? but monthly?

well i want to get a corvette but i want to know the average insurance for it?

How much would auto insurance be around for an 18 year old female?

I'm looking to buy a car but before i do i want to make sure i can afford it with car insurance

Where is a company that offeres life insurance to felons?

My husband commited a felony nine years ago when he was nineteen years old and has not been in trouble since. He is now a foreman, owns his own home and is just a regualr citizen, but he has been denied life insurance through 3 companies. Any suggestions?""

Why is my insurance quote so high?

I got a quote that 480$!! Why is it so high I have a mustang gt 2011 and I'm 18 iv never had a accedent am I just going to the wrong company? I went to gieco all state and esurance there all over 400$

Buying a new car..insurance help?

So need some help.ive bought a brand new car which is coming on the way from suppliers so will take a few weeks.so i have a car im trading which ive never done before so im unsure wot to do about insurance as the insurance on my current car expires 13th feb and the garage will nd a cover note of new insurance to tax car..and as i dont know the reg plate yet.same for tax of car what do i do when renewal letter comes through(renewal date 31st jan)as hopefully will hv car by then.

Low cost health insurance for people who are unemployed?

Looking for an insurer for less than $300/month. Some health issues are involved.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-insurance-old-mercedez-savoie-santa"

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