#i really wish i was less anxious about complimenting people

[cardi-c]

🐢

[mrfoox]

Talking with Oliver really is the best tbh

[harmoonix]

🤍 𝔇𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔰 🐎

𝓐𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝔂 𝓞𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

🐎 I observed that Capricorn/Aquarius and Scorpio Venus tend not to fall that much in love relationships, definitely not as crazy about their love life rather more about their careers

🐎 Venus in the 11H or 11° 23° since the 11th house is related to the desires, these natives usually have a lot of desires/wishes towards their love life

🐎 Saturn in the 1H/6H/10H/12H are kinda anxious when starting something new because they are known to work and focus on the same thing for a long time, when it comes to starting something new it can be a challenge for them

🐎 Mars aspecting Saturn harshly, and if one of those planets is in the 7H, can indicate being patient in the couple - arguing/fight moments,

🐎 Chiron aspecting Venus or Moon can definitely go up for couple therapy when is needed because it can help

🐎 Cancers and Gemini placements can be good at crafting/creating. Cancers definitely for traditional crafting at home/homemade

🐎 Mars in Aries/in 1H or ar 1° 13° 25° is a known fact that these natives get irritated fast. They have an inner anger that comes out in random moments

🐎 Uranus in the 10H natives or Urnaus at 10° 22° probably have a desire/dream to end up successful at some point in their lives

🐎 Pisces/Gemini/Aquarius and Sagittarius Placements can be interested in space and physics/chemistry, I know so many of them who just love staying in a laboratory doing stuff

─────────────────────

Here I am, so young and strong

Right here in the place where we belong

─────────────────────

🐎 Cancer or Moon in your 7H can indicate a deep need for being nurtured or to nurture others in a relationship

🐎 Scorpio Placements are usually seen as the 'bad guys', but they were the ones to meet the most bad guys in their lives... like these people went through a lot

🐎 Aries/Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn in the 3H can make a person bitter/colder in conversations and is usually when they are being verbally attacked by others

🐎 If we think about it Aquarius/Capricorn and Sagittarius Venus need a lot of freedom in their relationship, they love their relationship but also having some time for yourself is vital

🐎 Leo Venus/Moon/Rising really loves to get compliments. It is a nice thing to feel seen or appreciated by others

🐎 Aries and Pisces Venus needs a lot of trust in their relationship, don't be afraid to trust your partner, if they really love you, they wouldn't lie

🐎 Venus in Virgo/6H or at 6° and 18° is a really lovely placement because it talks about a devoted partner, probably someone picky as well

🐎 Juno aspecting Pluto can indicate a partner or relationship that will change you, so that means you won't be the same you after that relationship

🐎 North Node being less aspected can indicate confusion about what to do with your life next but also having it easier to go through your life stages

🐎 Capricorn Placements are wise since young and are a big indicator of an old soul. They will be more wise with their age

🐎 North Node aspecting Venus in both harsh and good aspects stands for finding a love for yourself, to appreciate yourself

🐎 Saturn aspecting the ascendant natives can isolate themselves from the world, it's like a coping mechanism to help them

🐎 If you have Mars in the 9H and you're in a relationship/marriage, you can have some sort of tension with your partner's parents or family

🐎 Pluto in your 8H/12H can indicate a good intuition but also a strong native because you'll have to go through hardships involving your own evolution

🐎 When you have 9H/12H placements and you haven't moved away from your homeland, you can end wish or crave that, you can crave for moving away

─────────────────────

I've been waiting for you

Here I am

─────────────────────

🐎 Mercury - Venus/Jupiter - Neptune/Mercury - Moon aspects in your chart bring creativity, you can have a creative mind

🐎 Saturn in the 1H/5H/8H helps with the self - improvement over the years, like you get better with the years/in the future

🐎 Most times, an earth Venus will look for stability in a love relationship. If they can't find it, they will just look for it

🐎 Jupiter aspecting Mars natives will get angry easily, and the fun thing is that.. you can see it on their faces..they cannot hide the anger

🐎 Harsh aspects between Sun and Moon can make you hate yourself at times and usually come from the imperfections of yourself. We are all imperfect and we should appreciate that

🐎 Spirit is such a childhood core, yet it feels like a fever dream. The emotional baggage of this movie is crazy. 🐎

[wolverigrl]

The talk

Hugh Jackman x reader (actress)

Previous Part

A/N: Enjoy this part 3! I hope you like it! In this story, Blake and Ryan have been married since 2010 and therefore had their children earlier. I changed the age of the children to make it fit.

Warnings: maybe some swearing here and there, a bit angsty and fluff, mentions of alcohol

---------------------------------------------------

I couldn’t sleep last night. I’d been tossing and turning for hours, staring at the digital clock that blinked back at me relentlessly. When 6 a.m. finally rolled around, I gave up, threw back the covers, and dragged myself out of bed. I needed something to ground me, to keep my mind from spiraling, so I rolled out my yoga mat in front of the massive window that looked out over the New York skyline. The city was still half-asleep, but I could already feel its energy buzzing in the distance.

After a quick, but calming, yoga session, I snapped a selfie. I sat on the mat in my sports bra and leggings, my hair a messy bun, and the sunrise just starting to peek through the buildings behind me. My face looked peaceful, but inside, my stomach was a knot of nerves. Still, I posted it on Instagram, hoping the positivity from my followers might lift me a bit.

Within minutes, comments flooded in. Mostly love and support, people saying how they wished they could be as dedicated to early morning yoga as I was. But some of them worried about me. There were a few messages asking if I was okay, mentioning the paparazzi photos of yesterday. Apparently, walking through the city with Blake after the premiere turned into a full-on hangover spectacle, and people noticed. They always notice everything.

I sighed and decided to call Blake.

“Heyyy!” she greeted cheerfully, her voice always so full of life.

“Hey, Blake!"I replied, trying to sound less anxious than I felt.

I hesitated. I didn’t really want to unload on her again.

“I, uh, I’ve got Hugh coming over soon. I… I don’t know, I’m kinda nervous about it. We need to talk, and I just—I don’t know how it’s going to go.”

I heard in her voice that she was smiling. “Listen, you and Hugh will be fine. He’s a great guy. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t be flirting with you so much in public. Trust me, I’ve known him for years—he doesn’t do that unless he means it.”

I bit my lip, feeling my anxiety twist and turn. “But what if… ahh.. nevermind. I’m just so confused.”

“That’s okay. As I already told you, you don’t have to figure it all out in one day. Just talk to him, be honest, and see where it goes. You’ve got this.”

Her words helped, if only a little. I thanked her, and after hanging up, I busied myself around the apartment, waiting for the knock on the door.

When it finally came, I almost jumped out of my skin. I opened the door to find Hugh standing there with a bag of bagels in one hand and two coffees in the other.

“Good morning. I brought us breakfast." he said with that charming smile of his.

We exchanged small talk as we sat down at the kitchen counter, nibbling on our food. He complimented the view, asked about my morning, and I tried to stay calm, but the tension between us was impossible to ignore. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of dancing around the subject, I took a deep breath and started the conversation I’d been dreading.

“Hugh,” I began softly, setting my half-eaten bagel down. “I don’t… I don’t know what I’m feeling. About us, I mean.”

He nodded slowly, looking at me with that warm, steady gaze that always seemed to calm me, even when I was a mess inside.

“I like you, y/n. A lot. And I’m not asking you to have all the answers right now. But I’d like to figure it out together if that’s something you want to.”

My chest tightened. “But the age thing… your kids… Hugh, it’s a lot. I don’t know if I’m ready for something so complicated.”

Hugh leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful look crossing his face. “I’ve already talked to my son about it, actually. Oscar asked me about you, and I told him the truth—that I’m happy when I’m with you. And he said that as long as I’m happy, that’s all that matters to him. Ava feels the same way, I’m sure.”

I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes. The relief I felt, knowing that he’d already had that conversation with his son, was overwhelming. But at the same time, the weight of everything else crashed over me, and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wiping at my eyes as the tears fell.

Hugh got up and pulled me up from the chair so that I stood in front of him. His arms wrapped me in a soft hug, and his fingers tilted my chin up slightly so he could kiss the tip of my nose. It was a soft, sweet gesture that made my heart skip.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he murmured. “We’ll take it slow. One step at a time. We don’t need to rush anything.”

I nodded, sniffling a bit. “Slow sounds good. Maybe we could… you know, go on real dates? But keep things quiet for now.”

He smiled again, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Yeah, Blake and Ryan can know, but no one else. At least for now.”

We finished breakfast and cleaned up, and soon we found ourselves on the couch. Hugh wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. For a while, we just sat there, the silence comforting, our worries temporarily pushed to the side.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask. “Did you… did you mean it? That kiss in the gym?”

Hugh chuckled, glancing down at me with that familiar playful spark in his eyes. “Was that not obvious?”

I felt my face heat up, a slow blush spreading across my cheeks. I shrugged, trying to play it off, but the vulnerability in my voice betrayed me. “I had other things on my mind.”

He laughed softly, the sound warm and infectious, and I found myself smiling despite the butterflies in my stomach. There was something so disarming about him, the way he could make me feel at ease even when my heart was racing. His gaze held mine, the tension between us thickening, and suddenly, I couldn’t resist any longer.

Without thinking, I leaned in, brushing my lips against his. It was tentative at first, as if testing the waters, but the moment he responded, everything else faded away. His lips were soft and warm, moving gently against mine, and the kiss quickly deepened, growing more intense with each passing second.

My heart pounded in my chest, the heat between us rising as my hands found their way to his shoulders, gripping them tightly. Hugh’s arms circled my waist, pulling me closer until I was practically sitting on his lap. His hands were firm yet tender, one resting on the small of my back, the other moving up to cradle the side of my face as the kiss continued to build in intensity.

I felt my breath hitch as his lips trailed from mine to the corner of my mouth, then along my jawline, his stubble grazing my skin in the most delicious way. My pulse quickened as I let out a soft sigh, my fingers tangling in his short, soft hair. The sensation of his lips on my neck sent shivers down my spine, my entire body humming with anticipation.

Hugh's hand slid down to my back, pulling me closer to him. I could feel the heat radiating off him, the hard lines of his body pressing against mine, and it sent my mind spinning. His touch was gentle but sure, his fingers tracing small circles on my lower back, grounding me even as everything else felt like it was spinning out of control.

His mouth returned to mine, the kiss now slow and deliberate, as if we had all the time in the world. His tongue teased my lips, and I opened up to him, the kiss deepening as our breaths mingled, the air between us growing hotter. Every nerve in my body was on fire, the warmth of his touch, the weight of his hands, the way he held me, as if I were something precious. I felt safe and reckless all at once, the thrill of being so close to him coursing through me like electricity.

Hugh’s grip tightened on my waist, his hands sliding down to my hips, and I could feel the heat pooling low in my stomach, a heady mix of desire and disbelief that this was actually happening. His lips parted from mine just long enough for me to catch a shaky breath, my eyes fluttering open to meet his. His gaze was dark, intense, and filled with the same want that was swirling inside me.

I couldn’t stop myself. I leaned back in, kissing him with more urgency this time, my hands slipping from his shoulders to his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath my fingertips. His body was firm under my touch, and the sensation sent another rush of heat through me. I pressed closer to him, my lips hungry for more, and he responded in kind, his hands roaming over my back.

My pulse raced, and I felt the world narrowing down to just the two of us—the heat of our bodies, the taste of his lips, the way his hands moved over me, every touch igniting something deeper, something I couldn’t control.

Then, out of nowhere, his phone buzzed.

We both froze, breathless, still tangled together. I pulled back just slightly, still feeling the heat of his breath on my lips. "You should get that," I whispered, my voice barely above a whisper, my heart pounding in my ears.

Hugh let out a low groan of frustration but reluctantly reached for his phone. He glanced at the screen and sighed. “It’s Ryan.”

I smirked, trying to catch my breath. Of course, it was Ryan.

Hugh answered, still holding me close as if he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. “Hey, mate.” he greeted casually, though I could hear the slight edge of impatience in his voice.

Ryan’s voice was loud enough that I could hear him through the phone. “So, dinner at our place today? You and y/n should come by.”

Hugh blinked in surprise, clearly caught off guard. “How do you know y/n's with me?”

Ryan’s laugh was almost smug. “Call it a hunch.”

Hugh shook his head, glancing at me with a playful smile. “You in?”

I nodded, still a bit breathless, my fingers absentmindedly playing with the fabric of his t-shirt. “Sure.”

He confirmed with Ryan and then hung up, looking back at me with a soft smile. “Let’s go for a walk before dinner.”

I grinned. The idea of sneaking through the streets with him was somehow exciting. But then reality hit. “You should probably… go get changed." I suggested, glancing down at the clothes he was wearing. "Something more undercover."

Hugh nodded, gently setting me next to him and standing up. "I'll swing by my place and change. Give me a few minutes, and I'll come back for you."

He pressed one more quick kiss to my forehead before heading out the door, leaving me sitting there, my heart still racing from the kiss. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to calm the fire that was still burning inside me. It was impossible to believe that just a few moments ago, I had been straddling Hugh Jackman in my living room, kissing him like my life depended on it.

True to his word, Hugh returned not long after, dressed down in a baseball cap, sunglasses, and a hoodie, looking like a celebrity who's trying to avoid attention. I slipped on a casual jacket and sunglasses, and we headed out, blending into the afternoon crowds as we walked through the streets of New York.

As we wandered, the conversation flowed easily. We talked about work—how his latest project was going, how I was handling mine. We shared stories and joked about the craziness of the industry, but somewhere along the way, the conversation grew more personal. Hugh asked me about my childhood, about the things that made me who I was, and I found myself opening up to him in a way I hadn’t expected.

He told me stories about his kids, about how Oscar was so curious about everything, how Ava was growing into her own person, full of ideas and opinions. Hearing him talk about them made me see another side of him—so caring, so deeply connected to his family. It only made me like him more.

We asked each other questions that weren’t surface level, diving into the things that really mattered, like what we wanted in life, what we were afraid of. The more we talked, the more I realized again how easy it was to be with him, how natural it felt.

Before I knew it, hours had passed, and the sun was beginning to dip low in the sky. We made our way back to my apartment, where Hugh dropped me off so I could get ready for dinner at Blake and Ryan’s. He gave me one short peck before heading back to his place to change.

As I stood in front of my mirror, touching up my makeup and fixing my hair, I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, about how right it had felt. Today had been full of surprises, but for the first time, I wasn’t scared of where this might lead. Hugh and I were taking it slow, figuring things out as we went, and somehow, that was enough for now.

When Hugh came back to pick me up, we were both ready for whatever the rest of the day had in store. We were in this together.

The moment we stepped through the door at Blake and Ryan’s, the familiar sound of tiny feet pattering across the floor reached my ears. Before I knew it, all three of their daughters—James, Betty, and Inez—came running toward us, their faces lighting up in excitement.

“Y/n! Hugh!” they squealed in unison, their voices high-pitched with joy.

I couldn’t help but grin as I bent down to greet them, enveloping each one of them in a warm hug. Hugh followed suit, gently embracing them, his face soft with affection. Ryan stood in the doorway, arms crossed with a playful smile on his face.

“I swear, they get more excited when you two show up than when Blake and I come home." Ryan quipped, shaking his head as if the betrayal was real.

I chuckled, ruffling Betty’s hair as she beamed up at me. “Well, I mean, we are the fun ones.”

Blake walked up behind him, smirking as she shrugged her shoulders. “Can you really blame them?” she said, giving Ryan a teasing nudge.

Before I could respond, the seven-year-old James grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the living room. “Come on, y/n! I want to show you something!”

I let her guide me into the cozy room, where Penny and Baxter, the two dogs, were lounging lazily on the floor. James hurried over to a corner piled high with toys and grabbed two Barbie dolls, her excitement radiating off her.

“Look!” she said, holding up the first Barbie. “This one looks just like you!” The doll was dressed in sporty clothes that reminded me of what I’d worn in my recent Instagram post. “And this one." she added, grabbing the second doll, “looks like Mommy.”

I laughed softly, touched by her creativity. “Wow, you nailed it! I can totally see the resemblance.”

As I sat down with her to admire her Barbie collection, I noticed Hugh standing in the doorway, his smile widening as he watched us. But before he could come over, Betty and Inez had already ambushed him, grabbing onto his legs and giggling uncontrollably.

“Hugh! Hugh!” Inez exclaimed, her arms wrapped tightly around one of his legs. “Can we watch the Minions again? Please? Pleeease?”

Betty chimed in, nodding with equal enthusiasm. “Yeah, can we?”

Ryan strolled into the room, laughing as he leaned against the doorframe. “Again? How many times have you guys watched that now? Fifty? Sixty?”

Hugh chuckled, ruffling Betty’s hair. “Maybe after dinner, alright? You two might know it better than I do at this point.”

Just then, Blake called out from the dining room, “Okay, everyone, dinner’s ready! Let’s give Hugh a break and get some food in your bellies first.”

We all made our way to the dining room, and as I sat down at the beautifully set table, I couldn’t help but admire the spread. Blake had outdone herself again.

“This looks incredible!" I commented as I took my seat, glancing appreciatively at the dishes laid out before us.

Blake smiled, waving off the compliment. “Ah, it’s nothing. Ryan helped, too.”

Ryan straightened in his chair, pretending to be the world’s greatest chef. “Yeah, I practically made the entire thing,” he boasted, earning a playful elbow to the side from Blake.

While we ate and talked about today's events, I noticed that James, Betty, and Inez had already finished their meals. The three of them looked up at Blake and Ryan with wide, pleading eyes.

"Mom, Dad, can we go play with Penny and Baxter now? Please?" James asked, practically bouncing in her seat with excitement.

Ryan exchanged a glance with Blake before nodding. "Alright, you three can go. Just don’t feed the dogs under the table again." he added with a mock sternness that made the girls giggle.

The kids squealed and scrambled out of their chairs, racing back toward the living room where the dogs were waiting for them. Blake shook her head fondly as she watched them go, and we all settled back into the conversation.

I was right in the middle of talking about something funny that had happened at work when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I excused myself, stepping outside to take the call. When I saw Chris Evans’ name on the screen, I smiled.

“Hey, Chris!” I greeted, leaning against the side of the house.

“Y/n!" Chris’s voice came through with its usual warmth. “I’m heading down to New York tomorrow. Wanna grab a beer?”

I smiled. “Absolutely! Let’s meet at the pub we always go to. How’s 7 p.m.?”

“Perfect!" Chris replied. “Looking forward to catching up.”

We wrapped up the conversation, and I headed back inside. As I slipped into my seat, Hugh gave me a gentle smile and placed his hand on my leg under the table, his touch grounding me.

“Everything okay?” he asked softly, his thumb stroking my thigh in a way that sent a small wave of comfort through me.

I nodded, returning his smile. “Yeah, all good. Just Chris Evans. He’s coming to New York tomorrow, so we’re grabbing a drink.”

Ryan’s ears perked up immediately, and his eyes twinkled with mischief. “Oh, Captain America, huh? Should Hugh be worried?”

Blake chuckled beside him, clearly in on the joke. I rolled my eyes, laughing. “No, no need to worry. Chris is like an older brother to me.”

Hugh looked intrigued, glancing between Ryan and me. “You and Chris go way back?”

I nodded, leaning back in my chair as I began to explain. “Yeah, Chris, Scarlett Johansson, and I studied together in New York when we were both starting out. They were a few years ahead of me, but we ended up in the same acting workshops. We hit it off and became good friends.”

Blake leaned forward, curiosity written all over her face. “Oh, you never told me your stories of university! You must have some great ones.”

Ryan grinned. “Come on, spill! Any embarrassing moments with Captain America and Black Widow?”

I laughed. “Oh, tons. Like the time they got lost in Central Park for two hours and missed class. Scarlett shook it off, but Chris was so mortified, and we all gave him a hard time for it.”

Ryan cracked up at the image, and Hugh smiled, though I could tell he was focused on every word. “That sounds like him." Ryan said. “Always such a big goof.”

Blake leaned closer, clearly digging for more. “Didn’t you two do a movie together a few years back? Weren’t there some pretty steamy scenes in that one?”

I felt my cheeks warm slightly at the memory. “Yeah, we did." I admitted, chuckling. “It was a bit... awkward, though, because by then, Chris really did feel more like a brother to me.”

Ryan, however, wasn’t about to let me off the hook that easily. “Wait, so it wasn’t always that way?”

I hesitated for a beat, then shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Well.. back when we were in school, we might’ve had a little... thing. You know, one of those fleeting ‘we’re young and in New York’ flings. But it didn’t last long. Now, he’s definitely more of a brother figure.”

Blake’s eyes widened in shock, her hand flying to her mouth as she burst out laughing. “Y/n! You never told me you and Chris had a fling!”

Ryan nearly doubled over in laughter, slapping the table. “Oh my god, Hugh, you hearing this? Captain America and y/n!”

Hugh laughed, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes, and I noticed the slight tension in his jaw. He gave a half-hearted chuckle, glancing at me with a mix of amusement and something else—something I couldn’t quite place.

Blake continued to laugh, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you kept that from me!”

I shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed but laughing along with them. “It was a long time ago! And honestly, when we filmed that movie, it just felt... weird. I mean, trying to be sexy with someone who you now see as a brother? Not the easiest thing.”

Ryan wiped a tear from his eye, still chuckling. “I bet those scenes were really uncomfortable to shoot.”

“They were." I admitted, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. “But Chris was a total professional about it.”

Hugh remained quiet for a moment, still smiling, but I could tell something about the story didn’t sit quite right with him.

“So, what was it like studying here in New York? It sounds like it was a pretty wild time.” Blake wiggled with her eyebrows.

I grinned, thinking back to those chaotic, exciting days. “It definitely had its moments. The city was also back then a constant whirlwind. We were all broke, doing odd jobs between auditions, but somehow, it was the best time of my life.”

Ryan leaned back in his chair, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, I bet. Was it all method acting and deep emotional discovery, or were you guys just trying to out-party each other?”

I laughed. “A little bit of both, honestly. There were definitely nights when we all showed up to class with way too little sleep.”

Ryan smirked, clearly enjoying himself. “And Captain America was part of those late-night adventures?”

I rolled my eyes. “Chris was usually the responsible one, believe it or not. He’d be the guy dragging everyone out of some dive bar at 2 a.m., telling us we had early classes. Of course, he wasn’t always that responsible...”

Hugh’s interest was piqued, his eyes twinkling. “You and Chris really went through it together, huh?”

I nodded, smiling at the memories. “Yeah, we had a lot of fun. We’d rehearse scenes together, mess around in the park, just being broke, and ambitious kids trying to make it.”

Ryan, never missing a beat, chimed in again. “So what you’re saying is, if Chris wasn’t Captain America, he could’ve been, I dunno, some Shakespearean actor, dragging everyone through intense rehearsals and then buying them all hot dogs afterward?”

I laughed. “Exactly! The perfect balance of intense and laid-back.”

"What other stories do you have up your sleeve?" Ryan grinned and put his arm around his wife.

“Well.. while studying, I also worked as a barista, and believe me, I was a terrible barista.” I started, chuckling at the memory.

Blake raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Wait, you worked at a coffee shop?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I needed to pay rent somehow, so I got a job at this little café near campus. It was my first day, and I was already a nervous wreck. The owner was this sweet, older man—kind of like a grandpa figure to everyone. But I was so jittery that when he came over to check how I was doing, I somehow managed to spill an entire tray of coffee and raspberry cake all over him.”

Everyone at the table burst into laughter, especially Ryan, who wiped a fake tear from his eye. “Oh, that’s priceless. What did he do?”

I grinned at the memory. “He just stood there for a second, covered in coffee, and then he started laughing. He looked at me and said, ‘Well, at least you didn’t burn me.’ From then on, he teased me about it every single shift. He’d walk past me and say, ‘Careful, y/n, hot beverages on the loose!’ It was actually really sweet.”

Blake smiled, shaking her head. “Sounds like he was a good guy.”

“Yeah, he was the best." I agreed. “Honestly, he was one of the reasons I stuck around for so long.”

Hugh, who had been listening intently, suddenly leaned forward with a small smile. “Well, since we’re sharing job stories… the ladies might not know this, but before I became an actor, I was a P.E. teacher in England.”

I blinked, caught completely off guard. “Wait, what? You were a teacher? That’s crazy!”

Ryan immediately jumped in with a wide grin. “Oh man, y/n, can you imagine if Hugh had been your teacher back then? You would’ve been the star student in P.E., right?”

I felt my cheeks flush, laughing at the absurd thought. “Honestly, if Hugh had been my teacher, I think I would’ve suddenly developed an intense love for sports.”

Blake burst out laughing while Hugh chuckled, shaking his head at our comments. “Yeah, I can’t imagine that would’ve been appropriate,” Hugh said, still smiling, though his ears were a little pink.

Ryan leaned back in his chair, still grinning. “Hey, you never know. Maybe you’d have inspired her to get into, I don’t know, gymnastics or something.”

Blake swatted Ryan on the arm, but she was laughing just as hard. “Leave them alone! Besides, I bet Hugh was an amazing teacher.”

Hugh shrugged modestly. “It was a good job, honestly. I loved working with the kids, but eventually, I realized my passion was acting.”

I turned to him, still amazed. “That’s so cool, though. I would’ve never guessed. You’ve had quite the journey.”

He smiled warmly at me, and I could see a glimmer of pride in his eyes, as if the memories of his teaching days still meant something to him. “It was definitely a unique chapter in my life. But hey, everything leads you somewhere, right?”

Ryan couldn’t resist one more joke, leaning in with a sly grin. “Yeah, and luckily, it led you to us, huh?”

The conversation slowed down after that, everyone quietly soaking in the warmth of the room and each other’s company. Blake glanced around the table, then clapped her hands together.

“Well, how about we clear the table and grab some wine?”

Hugh and I immediately stood up, ready to help, but Blake waved us off. “Oh no, you two relax. Ryan and I have it covered.”

Ryan was already stacking plates and giving us a wink. “Yeah, sit tight, lovebirds.”

As we sat back down, Hugh placed his hand gently on my thigh, his touch making me feel all warm and cozy inside. He smiled at me, that tender look in his eyes that always made my heart skip a beat.

Feeling a bit giddy, I leaned in closer to him and whispered. “Do you think we should tell them about us now? Or wait until another time?”

Hugh’s thumb rubbed small circles against my leg as he considered it. “Yeah, let’s tell them. They’re our best friends—they should know we’re giving this a shot.”

His quiet confidence soothed the last of my nerves, and I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, just as the door to the dining room swung open, and Ryan strutted back in, carrying wine glasses.

“Ohohoh! What’s this? What did I just miss?” he teased, his voice dripping with mock shock. “And don’t forget, there are children in this house!”

Blake followed right behind him, her eyes darting between us, a curious smile playing on her lips. “What’s going on in here?” she asked, setting down a bottle of wine.

Hugh chuckled softly and glanced at me before addressing them both. “Actually, we wanted to tell you guys something. Y/n and I... well, we’re trying this thing out. We’re seeing where it goes.”

There was a brief moment of silence as Blake and Ryan exchanged looks, their expressions quickly morphing into wide grins. Blake let out a little squeal of excitement.

“Oh my god! You talked!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “You two are adorable!”

Ryan set down the glasses with a loud clink, looking between Hugh and me with that signature playful grin of his. “Well, it’s about damn time! You guys have been giving off major will-they-won’t-they vibes for ages.”

Blake nodded enthusiastically. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

Their support and enthusiasm washed over me, easing any lingering uncertainty I had. Hugh squeezed my hand under the table, and I couldn’t help but smile up at him, grateful for how effortlessly everything seemed to fall into place.

Ryan, never one to miss a joke, raised his glass toward us. “Here’s to y/n and Hugh—and to all the future awkward family dinners where we can tease you both relentlessly.”

Blake snorted with laughter, pouring everyone a glass of wine. “Don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. Sometimes.”

We all raised our glasses, clinking them together in a toast to new beginnings.

The conversation flowed easily as we all continued to drink our wine, sharing more stories and laughing until our glasses were empty. Eventually, we decided to join the kids in the living room. As soon as we walked in, Inez grabbed my hand, pulling me toward her pile of Barbies, while Penny and Baxter trotted over to greet us.

I sat on the floor with one hand helping Inez arrange her Barbies while my other hand stroked Baxter, who had curled up next to me. The rest of the group settled on the couches, chatting and laughing as the kids played around us.

We spent a while there enjoying the comfortable, laid-back atmosphere, but eventually, I felt a yawn escape me. Ryan noticed it immediately and pointed dramatically.

“Alright, I think it’s official—time for all the kids to head to bed!” he teased, earning a laugh from Blake and a chorus of giggles from the actual children.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “I guess I walked right into that one.”

Blake stood up and stretched, signaling that the evening was winding down. “Yeah, we should probably wrap things up before we have to carry anyone out of here.”

We all said our goodbyes, exchanging hugs and thanking each other for the great night. As we stepped outside, Hugh and I found ourselves standing by our cars, lingering in the cool night air.

I smiled up at him, feeling the warmth of the evening still lingering between us. “So, what’s on your agenda for tomorrow?”

Hugh shrugged lightly. “Not too exciting, honestly. I’m helping a friend with some work on his house in the morning, then I’ve got a doctor’s appointment and after that, I’m calling my brother to talk about my visit in Sydney to catch up with my family.”

I nodded. “Sounds like a busy day. Hometown huh?"

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen everyone." he said softly, then smiled at me. “What about you? Plans with Chris?”

I grinned, the thought of seeing Chris again making me feel both nostalgic and excited. “Yeah, but we’re not meeting until the evening for a drink. Until then I'll call my parents because I promised them last week and after that I'll meet up with my management."

For a moment, we stood there, the air between us feeling charged in a quiet, tender way. After a small pause, we leaned into each other at the same time. He wrapped one arm around my waist, and the other hand found its way to my cheek. Our lips met in a slow, tentative kiss.

When we pulled away, there was a comfortable silence between us, our eyes lingering on each other as if neither of us wanted to say goodbye just yet. I gently stroked my hands over his shoulders down to his chest.

“Well." I said, my voice a little softer than usual. "I guess I’ll see you soon. Good night."

Hugh nodded, his smile warm and easy. “Yeah, good night y/n. Text me when you're home."

"Will do." I smiled.

With that, we each got into our cars, and as I drove home, my mind wandered back to the evening—Blake and Ryan’s support, the kids, the laughter, the stories, and of course, the kisses. My heart felt lighter than it had in a long time, and I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about tomorrow’s meeting with Chris.

---------------------------------------------------

Tags: @spectorrrhgf @tinawantstobeadoll @appetencyfortacos @weskerussy @kellyxo1 @larkkyoris

Next part

[olivianyx]

OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

[ithaquasbbg]

I’m back :3

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Frederick Kreiburg | Composer general relationship headcanons

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Tw: Brief mentions of mental illness but that’s it.

Extra: I love this guy so much I wish he was a little more popular among the fandom :,))

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|🩷| Starting off generally- Frederick seems like the type to be hard to get to know. He doesn’t have large amounts of trust for the people around him, and seems to prefer to be on his own. You’d need to put in effort in order to be in a relationship with him.

|🩷| He’s somewhere between pretty and handsome, though probably leaning a little more towards the feminine side.

|🩷| Frederick is insecure when it comes to his looks, often worrying that you’d only be interested in his looks instead of him as a person. You can compliment his appearance, but he might start getting anxious if that’s the only thing you pull attention to.

|🩷| Sure, he’s been in relationships and flings with many people before, he does have a reputation for wooing people. However, he’s never truly been loved by another person. Because of this, he probably is inexperienced in terms of real romantic acts.

|🩷| On top of his, his childhood doesn’t seem like it was very loving, and he may close up when met with physical affection or kisses for a while. When it happens, he often stares dumbfounded for a while. (It’s cute, but a little sad at the same time)

|🩷| He’s very fond of gift giving, though that’s largely because it’s what he’s used to. At the beginning of a relationship he’d likely believe it to be transactional like his past ones and in turn treats it that way.

|🩷| Though as he gets more comfortable his gifts slowly become less monetary in terms of value, and he’d instead compose and play songs for you as his gifts.

|🩷| When it comes to receiving, he’d likely take time to understand why you’re doing things for him, but he’d be very happy with words of affirmation or acts of service. Remind him that he’s valuable to you because he’s himself, not because he gives you things.

|🩷| In all honesty he strikes me as being potentially on the autism spectrum (self projecting a little) and he may not handle touch well due to sensory problems, but occasionally even he’ll find himself longing to hold onto another person.

|🩷| Frederick is not a fan of PDA, and would rather not be touched in public. This is in part due to him being rather touch adverse, but also because he was raised to be very prim and proper, and likely didn’t receive public affection as a child.

|🩷| That being said, on days where he’s willing to touch you and you’re both in private he probably is quite reserved about it. Making excuses to make contact with you such as “you have a hair in your face”.

|🩷| Occasionally he’ll hug you from behind and bury his head into your shoulder or hair depending on the height difference between you two. Hes on the taller side (I’d guess around 5’11- 6’1) and would probably resort to the latter.

|🩷| In terms of big spoon and little spoon… he’s not a spoon. Frederick is a knife.

|🩷| In all seriousness he’s simply not the most cuddly person ever, but will cuddle occasionally. Because of how touch adverse he tends to be you usually let him initiate it, and he typically ends up as the big spoon.

|🩷| He can make a really good little spoon too, especially if he’s the more submissive PERSONALITY (not freaky… this is a holy x reader blog for now!!) in a relationship. Though even then you’d likely need to pull him into that position after he’s fallen asleep, he’d be too embarrassed to be awake in that position.

|🩷| He strikes me as a closeted bisexual, perhaps pansexual. I wouldn’t see him being entirely opposed to polyamorous relationships, but I think he’d likely feel much more secure in a monogamous relationship.

|🩷| He’s a good kisser when he’s open to kissing, probably one of the things he’s the most experienced with in terms of relationships.

|🩷| On top of that he can be quite charming, he knows how to use his words to woo a person through past experiences. Though even then, don’t expect anything too bold from him.

|🩷| Frederick is decisive and can be quite stubborn, he likes to be the one making choices and can come off a little bratty in these situations. But truth be told, he simply wants to know that you respect his thought process and opinions. Please let him make choices from time to time, it really makes him feel more appreciated.

|🩷| He’s an easy person to fluster if you know what buttons to press. Public intimacy is a good shortcut to flustering him some days (going back to this topic. Whoops.) Frederick is pale, and there’s no way to hide the blush on his cheeks.

|🩷| His favorite nicknames for you are probably quite tame if he even uses them. The only one I could really see him using is the occasional “dear”

|🩷| Though you may catch him calling you “his angel” from time to time.

|🩷| Frederick strikes me as somebody who you would call things like “darling” and he’d enjoy it. You could call him “sweetheart” but he’d likely just be confused on why anyone would consider him of all people sweet.

|🩷| Due to his mental health struggles he’s probably somebody who needs a partner willing to put in lots of energy, but he’d totally give 110% back in return.

|🩷| Frederick can function on his own especially after being disowned. This comes out when you’re sick the most, he’ll make you food or drinks and stay by your side as much as he’s able to.

|🩷| His hair would likely be quite nice to play with, and with enough convincing he would probably allow you to fidget with it while he does other things. It’s the least overstimulating type of touch for him, and he’d appreciate your contact even if it’s only through that. :)

[cartoon-buffoon]

Recently I was watching one of my favorite Sonictubers playing Alex Kidd, a different Sega game. Anyways I deeply love this YouTuber's content, I'm a regular in their stream and my first ever piece of proper digital art was fanart for them (oh god this drawing sucks but looking at this you can tell I HAVE improved!)

Anyways shitty fanart of their character getting robbed by Fang The Sniper aside, in the Alex Kidd playthrough they call me out by name? Obviously it's in a joking manner and their shout-out to me is just a brief gag but they do say "shout out to Toon Buffoon" (high-key check out this channel, it does good Sonic reviews and the characters have lore within the reviews). But yeah, watch the video for yourself and see, THEY DO SHOUT ME OUT! Upon hearing this the first time I was shocked and as you can see by my comment I'm beyond flattered and it was this that made me realize I've made an impact on at least a few people?

Like I owe a lot to SpinyNorman and his YouTube channel. That fanart I made above was something I did with my fingers whilst waiting to receive meds yet I decided to share it with him, he complimented it, and that inspired me to draw more and actually have fun with it. I don't just wanna strictly talk about my favorite YouTuber though and getting back to what I said: my support of this FAIRLY SMALL CREATOR and their great content (seriously go watch their vids if you like Sonic) made me go "people register I exist...". Like, this may sound I'm fucking with you but I genuinely cannot fathom the idea people are aware of me and my dumbass existence. From my name being shouted out, to the new followers here on Tumblr, to a few comments over on my AO3 it makes me genuinely happy. When I started posting stuff I was an socially anxious wreck, now while I still am I can't help but be thankful for all the people I may have left an impression on to the point they register me as somebody. Whether this be my uhh, fanfics, or maybe it's just me cheering someone up, or something else I did that left an impression, some people DO see my name and or pfp and think "oh it's that one fella" and that makes me happy. I'm thankful I can be of entertainment and or camaraderie, if you're a person I met on here I can't thank you enough for whatever interactions we may have had (its mainly two people, Mr-Pgeon and SkitSwap, shout out to them), still I have interacted with others.

Sorry if this is nonsensical because my ADHD and emotions are working in unison to make a lot of this rant detached, but my point is: THANKS! I can't fathom the idea people like me and honestly when I made this Tumblr it was during a time when I was genuinely contemplating killing myself (I still contemplate it, just less now). Now of course my IRL friends have gotten me through rough times, shout out to my betas Z and Quartz, however the people I've met online have also helped me. Knowing what I do has left an impact, a positive one at that, makes me happy. Whether it be cheering somebody's art on, having them enjoy one of my fics, or perhaps talking, I'm glad to not have ended myself and I really do wish to keep on going and keep creating so I can hopefully make more people's days in the future. Sorry if this sentimental, I'll probably go back to talking about how I want a variety of cartoon rabbits to bang me soon, but I still just wanna say thanks ❤️.

[valdrinors-writing]

✨ 🌕 🌙 ⭐️ for Miss Luna please~

✨ (sparkles) - What gives your oc confidence? Is it something physical or more emotional? Do they inspire confidence in others? Why or why not?

Luna is deeply anxious and insecure, but oddly enough, she does get confidence - typically from being complimented and told she's done a good job! The Doctor is a major confidence boost for her lol, and they help her with her powers and abilities! She ends up inspiring confidence in the Doctor and a few of his companions - mainly Jamie and Tegan!

🌕 (full moon) - What’s your character like at their worst?

At her worst, Luna is a social shut-in who refuses to talk to people. She tries to pretend that 'everything's fine!' but in reality, its not. She buries her emotions and tends to refuse to talk to people about them, often resulting in sudden and shocking outbursts, usually directed at those she loves and respects the most

🌙 (crescent moon) - Does your character have a moral code or a set of rules they have for themselves? If so, what made them adopt these morals or ideals? If not, why?

Compared to Amber - who's most likely to kill - Luna has this policy of 'do no harm to others but take no shit'. If you're being a problem for her in particular, she will fight back, but she will try her best not to physically harm you... Unless the chips are down. She also has this philosophy that she doesn't like to use the psychic suggestion ability, unless she absolutely has to - for example, in The Unicorn and The Wasp, she uses the ability to order Roger to run out of the room before the wasp kills him, saving his life, but she feels really guilty about it

⭐️ (star) - If your oc could wish for one thing to come true, what would it be and why? How would this change their life?

She... Kind of did! She basically wished to travel with the Doctor, and indirectly granted her own wish. But if she could wish for anything else, it would be that mutants were less oppressed in modern day society. I imagine this wouldn't change much about Luna, probably make her more confident in using her abilities and showing them off without fear of prejudice

[heartstringsduet]

I adore your Let Me series and I was wondering if you've ever found writing that dynamic to be daunting in any way, and if so how did you deal with that?

Also, do you have any advice for writers who want to take on a large project but are too intimidated by it to get started?

I've noticed that you’ve had moments in your writing process where you've struggled and made difficult choices, and yet you still power through. I really admire that!

Hi Harley <3 You're such a sweetheart for asking! And for the compliment 😭 I've actually never found it daunting despite being on the ace spectrum and having no personal experience with bdsm. I was just always fascinated with the dynamics especially outside of the bedroom. The room for tension but also for comfort and growth it can bring. I maybe should feel a bit anxious about representing this right but honestly, I try not to stress. And that works for me. This is a hobby, for free. I'm hopefully never the source for people who want to go into the scene lol.

Initially, it was just about Carlos having interest and a past with it and that creating opportunity for TK to explore it. But it has spun out to this whole thing where I try to show the complexities of relationships and a dynamic like this. What I found daunting AFTER starting it is how it really runs with me like no other fic ever has. I think I only find a red line through writing in it so that means cutting a lot. Also now they're kind of their own characters in that universe and I have to remember all those details about them but also stay in the timeline of 911LS (as if it has one lol) like...wait who wanted to try breath play when ooops. As for the question of large projects...I wish I had a better answer but I think that's so individual. I'm pretty sure most people plan with an outline. Lose or detailed. I don't. I have a beginning, a few middle parts and a vague end. But as with Let Me, my hands just do what they want sometimes and I think of a better angle or notice that shit, I did not have an idea for the core concepts until the middle. For me, what helps with long projects is honestly having other WIPs. Which again, I know some people can't do. It's all because I want to have FUN writing. And long projects definitely have a few scenes that are necessary but not fun when you write them. It's tricky, ngl. It's a lot of "I want to delete this. No one even reads this. Everyone reads this and hates this" and putting it aside, wait for better mental days when you hate it a little less. I PROMISE you, sometimes two weeks can transform what you have written and hated before to something you think at least has potential. Put as little pressure on yourself to make it the best work ever. This is for you. You. You. For you who likes writing. For you who wants to read the story you're writing. Yes, you want people to engage with it but ultimately, even a work you only think is 'okay' is very satisfying once it's done when it's a long project especially. Like I'm proud of my longest work. I completed it. Like wow. But also: series are easier. Less pressure to finish 100k before posting. If I ended Let Me after the last chapter that would be fine. And if I open it back up in a year or two, that's awesome too. Maybe that could be less daunting for a large project?

[nobodysdaydreams]

Your take on the si-5 is great. Kepcobi somewhat makes me cringe, as popular as it is. Its an abusive relationship whichever way you slice it

Anon, thank you for the compliment. I'm glad my SI-5 post has hit home for so many people.

Kepcobi as a ship was not the focus of that post (it was more about the SI-5's dynamic in general), but as for your thoughts on Kepcobi being abusive, I 100% agree that it is. Disclaimer: I know a lot of people who follow me ship Kepcobi, and that's okay. I personally do not ship characters that often, it's just not really my thing, but you can ship whatever you want, as long as we're talking about two consenting adults and not glorifying or romanticizing toxic and abusive elements and calling them out for what they are, it's your life. Ship what you want, have fun. It’s not like I or anyone else can stop you.

But with that said, while I'm hyperfixating and dropping hot takes and long character analysis ramblings, this does bring up another one of my very controversial Wolf359 opinions, which is that, in fairness to the SI-5, most of the most popular ships in Wolf359 and the ones with the most canon evidence are either set up for tragedy, incredibly toxic and abusive (most of them fall into this category tbh), or out of character and most of these hold true regardless of whether you look at the relationship platonically or romantically.

Again, ship what you want, do not let me stop you, and this opinion doesn't mean I don't see the appeal of these ships and why people ship them (that I understand), but I still stand by this statement, love in depth character analysis, and would be happy to explain it.

Let me break this down.

Arguably the healthiest and most popular ship in Wolf359 is Doug and Hera, but even that one is still doomed to tragedy from the very beginning whether you look at them platonically or romantically. Even before Doug loses his memories, Hera has a whole monologue where she contemplates what it will be like for her when Doug "goes away forever" because she is an AI could theoretically live until the end of the universe, and he is a human with a very unhealthy lifestyle of cigarettes, alcohol, junk food, poor hygiene and little exercise. He has magic alien blood in him now, but even that would probably only extend his lifespan so much. Also, any relationship involving Hera risks a power dynamic issue by design (because she's an AI whose free will can be taken away through coding at any time, and she was designed literally to serve the crew). However, I believe this affects Hera's relationship with Doug noticeably and significantly less than the other characters, particularly because we see Doug depend on Hera just as much as she depends on him, though in different ways. However, Hera still expresses her frustration that Doug doesn't realize she can always hear him and that he can't understand or experience everything she does and that he initially called her "robot girl" and didn't realize he was being insensitive (though to be fair, Doug accidentally said insensitive things to everyone). They do work through these barriers over the course of the podcast and it's not necessarily Doug or Hera's fault some of these miscommunications and issues exist, it's circumstance. I do really appreciate that Doug relies on Hera as much as she relies on him due to his executive functioning difficulties. I will say as someone with ADHD who often has friends and partners with more anxious and aware tendencies that balance me out really well, I related heavily to Doug Eiffel and do see why he and Hera have such a close relationship. Their friendship is wonderful, I see the appeal of the ship, and I love these characters so much they are my favorites, and I desperately wish that they could have had better things. They deserved so much better. But their relationship is, unfortunately, no matter how you chose to look at it (platonic or romantic) very tragic from the start due to the circumstances that make their relationship complicated and doomed to end up with Hera alone in the end whenever and however Doug and the rest of her friends “go away forever”. 💔 (and I do plan to write a fic about this because it makes me so sad. Poor Hera).

While we're talking about Hera, I'll also mention her and Maxwell. I’ve always believed that there is a difference between what I personally ship, and what we have canon evidence to prove. And while it took me a very long time to come around to the SI-5, I do think you could argue that we have some canon evidence that Hera might have had a crush (romantic or friend crush however you’d prefer to see it) based on the way she talked about Maxwell. Was this a mutual crush? Clearly not to same degree given Maxwell's betrayal, and therein lies the power dynamic issue I mentioned earlier, which is very applicable to Hera and Maxwell given Maxwell's coding skills. Hera likes Maxwell because she helped fix her and while Maxwell did so at great personal sacrifice and views the AI as people, she still has the coding skills to hurt and control them if she wants to (and she ultimately chooses to do so). Even though she apologizes for it and doesn't want to do it, she still does it, and it's pretty terrifying when you think about it. She forces Hera to tell her where her friends are and be subservient to her commands, very similar to what Pryce does with the restraining bolts. Part of what makes Hera's character so sad to me is that she's set up to be in abusive situations. She needs Maxwell, but Maxwell doesn't need her. She likes Maxwell because Maxwell views her as a person when so few people do, but even that is just the bare minimum. If Maxwell had the chance that Jacobi and Kepler did to change, maybe things could have been different, and I do really wish we could have seen a redeemed Maxwell develop a healthier friendship with Hera (and wrote a whole fic chapter where Hera reflects on that in the middle of my “a duckling imprints on Jacobi” fic), but unfortunately, we don’t get to see it.

And speaking of characters that are set up to be in abusive situations: Cutter and Pryce, and this again doesn’t matter if you see them as romantic or platonic. Look, I understand that just because two people are evil does not mean they are necessarily in an abusive relationship, you can be evil and still love your wife or husband or “weirdly devoted platonic coworker”. But even though I think Cutter and Pryce care about each other, I still think their relationship is abusive and we have canon evidence for it too. Disclaimer: I don't like Miranda Pryce, she was awful towards Hera and the other AI, she did unspeakable things, she's evil. She's a bad mean lady. But that doesn't mean she can't also be in an abusive relationship, and I believe she is in one whether you see it as romantic or not. You can be an abuser and a victim, those are not mutually exclusive. Even if you assume the whole "Pryce met Cutter as a child when he was an old man" thing was just a metaphor that didn't mean anything, there's still probably some sort of age gap between them even if they met when they were both adults. Putting that aside, there's still a huge power dynamic issue between the two of them. In the surface, they are in an alliance that benefits them both, but the benefits are not equal in the slightest. Their alliance allows Cutter to get a possibly infinite extension on his otherwise normal life span, have superpowers, get his revenge, and control the world. Their alliance allowed Pryce to live and see for the first time. She was disabled and going to die young, she was angry at the world and was originally motivated to build AI to be her friends to do whatever she wanted simply because no one else loved her or wanted to be her friend and she felt the only way to get that was to force people to love and obey her. Cutter was the only one giving her an option that allowed her to survive. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it understandable as does her frustration, bitterness, and hatred towards herself and humanity compared to Cutter's more positive silly attitude. But even once they're in a partnership, it's not a balanced partnership.

The story they tell at the beginning of Brave New World puts her and Cutter in a very uncomfortable "Cutter is her savior" narrative that, if you do assume they met when they were both adults, explicitly infantilizes Pryce and romanticizes that dynamic. We also hear multiple examples of other characters, both good guys and bad guys, acting disgusted or disturbed by Pryce's appearance, particularly her eyes, and Cutter seems to be the only one who isn't bothered by them. We also see Cutter interact with almost the entire cast throughout the course of the show, but Pryce mostly interacts with just Cutter or is in a lab by herself until the very end. She’s extremely isolated and most of the main characters don’t even know who she is until the end despite her being Cutter’s “work wife/worse half” and supposedly second in command at Goddard Futuristics. Now, don't get me wrong, I do think Cutter loved Pryce. I just think he did so in a very controlling way. Sure, he allowed her to call him by his first name and speak disrespectfully to him and openly criticize him, he called her the smartest woman in the world and admitted she was even smarter than he was, he praised her for her AI and rebuilding the world in her image and called her a god, and he was worried when she was in danger. But he also told her the one thing he feared was her making her own decisions in a crisis and messing up and that her one job was to back whatever decisions he made. He insisted on having control and the final say in their relationship. Then he forced her to apologize to him in the most condescending and patronizing way possible. It's giving 1950s in the worst possible way, which does sadly make sense given Cutter was born in the 1920s. Furthermore, Cutter also briefly considers whether it's even worth rescuing Pryce even though he does care about her. He ultimately does, and given that this is Cutter, that probably means a lot, but he still criticizes her for her behavior right after she almost died. It’s certainly more emotional abuse than anything else, but the signs are still there and the way that Pryce acts after she forgets about Cutter and his plans haunts me to this day. She goes from screaming at Hera and Doug to quietly apologizing for being confused and asking for help. I’ve never met a character I dislike so much and yet feel so bad for. I made a whole post about how Pryce and Cutter’s relationship and characters were a toxic mirror of Hera and Doug’s relationship and characters and I honestly think those might be some of my favorite parallels. I could talk about them forever. I will likely make more posts about it. But onto the other ships.

Then we have Kepler and Jacobi, and I already did my whole SI-5 post, but yeah…look. Is there canon evidence to support the ship? sure. Is it a healthy ship in a platonic or romantic sense? Heck no. Warren Kepler is a walking HR violation and some of the comments that he makes are just straight up… I don’t even know what to say other than Kepler is an arrogant jerk and a bully who clearly loves that he can get away with this kind of stuff, and Jacobi’s devotion and loyalty to Kepler is incredibly unhealthy. There’s also the issue of the savior complex and power dynamic issues I talked about with Hera and Maxwell and Pryce and Cutter that show up AGAIN here because Kepler saved Jacobi from unemployment and is his boss. Like with the other ships, I think Kepler did care about Jacobi to an extent just like Cutter cared about Pryce and Maxwell cared about Hera, but like those relationships, I still don’t think Kepler cared about Jacobi as much as he needed to or in the way he should have. In this case, it’s more in a “I care about you because we’re having fun or rather I’m having fun, and that’s what I care about” way rather than an “I sincerely love and care about you” way as evidence by the fact that Kepler compared Jacobi to whisky, didn’t care that his best friend died, and these two tried to kill each other. Though I do think a part of Kepler was sorry in end and acted more like he genuinely cared about Jacobi, it took him a ridiculously long time to get there. Plus then we have Jacobi’s whole implied thing with Klein “going badly” where he admits to being the toxic one and look: having that happen with one person at the evil space company is bad enough but two? Jacobi needs help. The man is a red flag running towards other red flags.

Finally, we have any romantic ship involving Renée Minkowski and any of the crew. Minkowski and Lovelace is the most popular one, but honestly, any romantic ship with her, whether it’s healthy or not, feels super out of character to me for a very simple reason. I cannot believe that Renée Minkowski would EVER cheat on her husband. The rest of the ships I’ve mentioned, toxic as most of them are (Doug and Hera being the main exception though their story is still very sad 💔) I will concede do have various degrees canon evidence, but the idea that Minkowski would get in a romantic relationship with anyone in her crew is just so wildly out of character to me. Minkowski, the woman who follows the rules of Pryce and Cutter, memorized the whole manual, and lies awake at night fretting about ethical dilemmas, willingly breaking her wedding vows? Absolutely not. She would never. She might have had a disagreement with her husband about coming to space, but they didn’t divorce over it. Clearly they weathered that storm, and Dominik was willing to wait for her to come back, he supported her dreams! She calls him wonderful, and the video messages she tried to send him were so sweet and personal you can just tell she loves this man and they have a good relationship. Now, with that said, I don’t think it’s entirely impossible to consider Minkowski getting into another relationships after her return to Earth. Dominik thinks she’s been dead for a few years and it’s not crazy to think he might have moved on and she unfortunately might have to move on too, but until that’s confirmed, I do not believe Minkowski would ever even entertain the idea of breaking her word to him, I just can’t see that being in character for her at all. Again, you can ship what you want, don’t let me stop you, but personally, I headcanon that Minkowski and Dominik are still happily married to this day, if nothing else because Dominik is probably pretty well off if he has his own secretary plus whatever salary bump it’s implied that Cutter gave him after Minkowski started working for Goddard, and he is probably more than happy to provide lodging and support to his wife’s loyal crew who saved her life upon their return. It’s the least they deserve after the horrors they went through: a lifetime of luxury vacations and five star hotels on Dominik Koudelka’s dime. Plus I feel like the reactions of the crew would be so funny. Minkowski invites them to stay with her since they have no place to go, and they’re worried about taking up all this space in her house, but then they get to her place and realize how big it is and are like “finding out you were married was shocking enough, but HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE INSANELY RICH TOO??? And super generous and willing to let us be your free loader roommates in your million dollar mansion to thank us for saving you??? Why on Earth would you not mention this earlier?” And Minkowski’s like “he’s a wonderful person and is the love of my life, the fact that he and his family have tons of money is not why I married him, nor is it a detail I was required to share with any of you”. Anyway, now Doug and Jacobi are getting invited to all these fancy rich people VIP events with Minkowski and Dominik and Minkowski has to beg them not to embarrass her (*cut to these grown men doing cannonballs in the country club pool*).

That’s about it for the main popular and canon ships. I suppose if you want to include Lovelace’s crew or some of the other crews, you could get healthy romantic ships out of that (although they’d unfortunately still be tragically doomed for obvious reasons). As for the other characters, I know Hilbert is mostly just for crack ships, but I also feel like the character would be so disgusted at the thought of being shipped with anyone, platonically or romantically. He’s not as old as Pryce and Cutter, but he’s still old enough to be almost everyone else’s dad. I feel like if asked about workplaces relationships for an official form his reply would be “absolutely not. My coworkers are young enough to be my children. Children I don’t even like. Children I would disown.” “They’re in their 20s and 30s. That’s an adult.” “If they are adults, they might try acting like it.”

I also find any platonic or romantic ship with Rachel unbelievable unless it ends with her betraying them for power, which I think she’s done before. I made a post about it, but the fact that she immediately understood the choice Cutter was facing when he had to decide whether rescuing Pryce was worth risking the mission makes me think she’s been in a similar situation.

To make a classic Bods’ long post short (too late), all these relationships fascinate me whether you choose to see them platonically or romantically (everyone has their preferences), but although many of them have canon evidence and strong narrative appeal, most if not all of them are tragic, toxic, or in the case of some of the romantic ones, out of character and/or random. I do understand the appeal and encourage you to ship what you want, write the relationships the way you wish they were (sometimes we all need that), but at the same time, the canon shipping and relationships thing being mostly sad and/or toxic is not just an SI-5 or Kepler and Jacobi exclusive issue. I just wish we had more redemption arcs and had them sooner. Then maybe we could have nice things. But no. So many of these characters just HAD to go and be evil and ruin not only their own relationships, but other people’s too. Sad.

[whetstonefires]

hey I was the one who asked about ao3 I'm sorry if the question came off as odd, I love your takes on mdzs and was wondering if you ever wrote any fics because you have really great diction on your posts and I thought 'This person could make really great fics' so I thought id ask, that's all

it's fine! lmao it just really looked like i was potentially getting set up for some weird anon hate game.

thank you! and the answer is i do have an AO3--i used to link it here a lot--but it's only got two mdzs fics on it. despite my having struggled to focus on any fandom besides mdzs for like two years.

because what happened when i got stuck in this fandom like a suction cup directly to the brain is, i wound up reading a lot more smut than i usually tolerate, because of the nature of the novel and how their relationships with sex are meaningfully integrated with their characterization and development as people and relative to one another. so a lot of the smut in this fandom has substance in a way i care about.

and my writing always reflects my reading material in a 'ooh i could do that like this' kinda way, so i started generating my own fic concepts with a sex element that i wanted to explore.

and then i got really invested in this new form and its tricks and affordances, so the only fics in this fandom i've actually been finishing are E-rated, because i'm inspired by the learning process.

(also because it turns out this shit is so easy to write, like you can cheap out on so many structural and narrative elements if you put sex in there, i'm so mad about this still. cheap!!!)

and having finished them i want to share, you know?

so i got a different ao3 for that, since mostly i like and write gen stuff, and i didn't wish to subject my existing subscribers to my learning to porn. i'm not sharing it here though, sorry, because everyone i've shared it with (upon request) has been weird about it.

the fic isn't even particularly outre! i'm remixing stuff that's done a lot in the fandom, according to my own artistic sensibilities! i do not know what the Weird is and what private conclusions are being made about me as a person on the basis of my very ace sex pollen remixes and shit. but it makes me anxious so i will Not be doing it anymore.

anyway as a reward or something for the guts to come back with your name out and take another shot and for the compliments <3, which of these not-sexy mdzs fic concepts do you vote i thwack into a postable form over the next month or so, and put on my main?

post-canon wwx gets amnesia back to the yiling laozu in burial mounds era and his current life explained very badly by lan jingyi, and concludes the lan have coerced him into a very creepy situation

funny wangxian modern au incorporating the height thing i was talking about earlier this week, where the main plot is ripped off from an autobiographical anecdote the singer told at a concert i went to and i was like, this would make a great one of those modern aus people keep writing. oh no now i want to.

time travel fixit outside pov, where wwx and wen ning get physically catapulted back from the qiongqi pass to before the war, and go and intervene just before lotus pier can be destroyed, wearing a mask and spooky cloak so no one will know the yiling laozu is wei wuxian (and a weimao so no one notices the ghost general is wen ning but let's be real that was less likely to happen for several reasons)

thing where the misunderstandings go off in a different direction early on, and wwx thinks lan wangji and mo xuanyu were actually an item and his impersonation has been tragically successful. very funny dramatic irony concept that is in execution going to be like 70% angst. some of it very funny angst though. (this one is the least developed because it doesn't really suggest its own plot.)

find what already exists at Kieron_ODuibhir lmao.

[bastetwastaken]

So what if I wrote something really stupid...well, more stupid than my usual writing... About Atem from Double Exposure.

What if I wrote his entire story? From his point of view? As him telling you all his story and his past? Would that be stupid? Would anyone actually care for it?

Maybe.... anyway, have an excerpt of the stupid thing I've already started writing which may never actually see the light of day again. Make the most of it, and if you want more maybe I'll finish writing it... <3 <3

.........

Have you ever seen a photo and thought that something was…off about it? That something in the composition wasn’t quite right, that there was some sort of imperfection in it but every time you try to look a little closer, things become even less clear? 

I’ve always thought people are much the same. 

Take me, for example.

What you see in photos is only what I want you to see. You only know what I want you to, you see me smiling, laughing, smirking confidently and you think that is who I am. That I’m comfortable in my skin, that I’m happy. But that is so far from the truth.

If you look a little closer, allow me to expose those parts that aren’t quite right. To part the curtains and let you see me as I truly am…but I’ll be honest with you. My past is not pretty, it’s not smooth, I have regrets by the bucket-full, baggage which I still struggle under the weight of…I have been broken, used, betrayed, abandoned and I have been in places which I never thought I would ever be able to drag myself out of. I am as far from perfect as you can get, but I am trying…I am really trying to be better and all I ask from you is that you  keep that in mind as you read these pages, as I expose my soul to you I ask only for your patience.

-----

People used to ask me, jokingly I thought, if I was ready for my life to change. Honestly, I didn’t fully understand what that meant at the time. Of course my life was changing, I was making a drastic career change, moving away from something I knew and was good at into something which was totally alien to me and that I may fail at. 

At first I didn’t know what that change would bring. I thought a couple of people might know me, maybe I’d even become famous in my hometown… but I didn’t expect the world to know my name, for people to stop me in the street, that complete strangers would fall over themselves to try and speak to me. 

Through every interaction though with every person, every stranger who stopped me and complimented me, everyone who told me I’d go far, that I was going to be big…there was this voice in my head, beginning to whisper:

Would you still be so happy to meet me if you really knew who I was? If you knew all the things I’d done? If you could see all of me? 

It’s easy to tell me that you would, but still, I wonder. Sure, there’s a part of me that is exactly what you see but there are also others…others that I want to show and some which are a little scary to get into. 

Like, the nagging insecurity which sits in the back of my mind and tells me I’m not good enough. Or the part which has had sex with countless people- many of which I wish I hadn’t, all of which I regret to some degree. What about the part that developed the unhealthy coping mechanisms that almost led to me losing my life? Or the part which wishes the former would have succeeded. My self-loathing part, my part that just wishes to be left alone, the anxious one that threatens to ruin it all… 

You see, if you knew me…all of me…then you wouldn’t love me, and I wouldn’t blame you. 

So why am I writing this? To make you all hate me? Is this just another self-hatred fuelled effort to turn you all away from me and for me to self-destruct? 

No. 

This is a chance. 

Shame loves secrets, it thrives on it, and I’m telling my story in an attempt to take that power away from the shame I feel. I’m telling you this to heal, to remove that suffocating feeling that comes along with trying so desperately to hide yourself from others. 

Not long before I started writing this, I had an experience with a total stranger on the street of the city I used to call home. They approached me and I was worried that they would want something from me, but they didn’t... 

They only wanted to tell me that I was an inspiration to them. 

Those words had a profound effect on me which I don’t think this person realised. I have never thought of myself in that way, never dared to paint myself in such a positive light, but they did and it got me thinking. 

I hide so much of myself from the world, I hide my pain, my worries, my past…but what if those parts I hide could help someone else? What if there’s someone like me out there? Thinking they’re alone, that they’re not worth the effort, that they’re not worth love…that the things they have done and the burdens they carry are too much for someone else to possibly want to bear? 

So this is a chance for me to tell you about myself, and it’s not gonna be pretty, really, it’s not, but if my experiences help even one person see that they are not alone, then I’ll count that as a win. 

--------

If you would like to read the Puzzleshipping fic this would 'technically' follow on from, where Atem is a model with quite the colourful past and Yugi is a journalist who changes his life after an interview, you can find it here- Double Exposure.

[andiinaraethtash]

Thanks for the tag @itsybitsybatsyspider!

Are you named after anyone? Nope! Wish I was irl, though, then I might be less likely to be frustrated with it when people can't pronounce it correctly. I'd have some sort of emotional attachment. Things have gotten better since I started going by a nickname that most people can pronounce correctly, but growing up, I was never called for in doctors' offices, etc., correctly. For a five-year-old, that was very annoying and I hated my name for a while because of it.

When was the last time you cried? Man, idk. Maybe when I watched the music video for Wish You the Best for the first time? I do it so often (at the darnedest things, too) that I legitimately can't keep track.

Do you have any kids? Nope! Don't have a partner, and I'm definitely waiting until I have a partner to be my back-up for taking proper care of one. But I do want one. Maybe two at the most.

What sports have you played/do you play? I mean... archery? That's it. I love hiking and swimming, but I don't really count that as a sport bc I do it so casually and at my own pace/in my own way, so it can't really be counted as a 'sport.'

Do you use sarcasm? Who, me? Never! (I kid. Sarcasm is my primary language. I apologize to everyone who has difficulty interpreting it. It's a problem.)

What's the first thing you notice about someone? Idk, their vibe, I guess? Depends on how nervous/relaxed I am. If I'm very anxious, it's their body language, trying to determine threat status, but if I'm not, then just. General expression/body language/appearance?

What's your eye color? Blue. I'd wax poetic but I don't pay too much attention to the details. More on the green side, I guess? It's pretty. I like it.

Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings, 100%. There's enough scary crap in the world that adding to it by watching scary movies seems pointless.

Any talents? Okay, to avoid tooting my own horn, I'll just say the ones others have complimented me on: Singing. Writing. Baking. Playing the violin, though I haven't done that consistently in a loooong time. I have other hobbies, but those are the ones I've honed the best.

Where were you born? In a hospital, like 60% of my siblings. Only fun thing about it was that my umbilical cord was partially wrapped around my head/neck. Freaked my mom out when the nurses told her.

I'm going to tag: @chaoticdumbassrogue @felicityphoenix5 @gaeasun @winterwolfmiraculous

Have fun, everybody!

[starrydeckhand]

Hello!! 🎵 🐰 🙃 and 🌸 for the ask game please <2

heya!!!!!!! thank you so much for the ask C:

🎵 Last song you listened to?

Scary Love by The Neighbourhood

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

i think the way a person treats other people they hate, don't know or deem as less worthy is reallllllly telling, especially when they don't have anything to "gain" from interacting with them in a positive way. like how they talk about the homeless, the addicts or the disabled (but specifically in cases like when the mental illness or any other disability gets in their way, ya know?) is usually the fastest testament to their character

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

UUUUU I GOT ONE FINALLY!! did you know that Poland has its own version of Raiders of the Lost Ark? due to the communist rule till the late 80s, American (or western) films weren't allowed to be screened in Poland at all, so sometimes Polish filmmakers tried their best to replicate or "reimagine" some movies they heard through the grapevine! Curse of Snakes Valley is based on a Polish short story The Hobby of Dr. Traven, but the filmmakers went a step further and tried to replicate some of the great special effects of Raiders of the Lost Ark! the movie is like super racist and bad, but it's the type of bad that you cry-laugh through almost the entire screening! i could talk more about this movie, but it's really late for me lol

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

one time in middle school i was venting to my English teacher after class about how i wish i could've been more brave, so i could stand up to my bullies and not be so goddamn scared all the fucking time. at that moment she stopped gathering her things, looked me straight in the eyes and said "what are you talking about, Starry? you are very brave". and i believed her at the time, cause it was the most sincere and the kindest thing i'd heard at that time! and it was exactly something a forever-anxious self-conscious and so so young Starry needed to hear! was it true? i don't know! and i don't think it matters very much now cause it served its purpose! would i describe myself as "brave" now? not really, i kinda buried that part of myself recently, but i got my shovel and i'm digging as we speak C:

[inquisitorius-sin-bin]

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Ohh bless thank you for this ask

I put so much work into Blowing Cover and it is super unpopular compared to all my other works. I really liked the character too and kind of thought they might be fun to bring back for another one shot (I mean, given the ending, they have a ton of one-shot potential).

But. The kinks/tags involved are certainly a bit edgier so I can see it getting less hits. I'm already writing for a very niche group, then this hits an even smaller category within that group. Ohh well. I enjoyed making it, at least.

As for feedback! Uh, your kind, lol. I love that you put so much time into selecting the lines that really stand out to you. That blows me away. It's like the best kind of annotations ❤️ and it helps me tailor what I do, I'm still learning what gets folk's hearts fluttering!

That said, literally just a like on a Tumblr post or a message or a keyboard smash also has the capacity to melt my heart. I've received PMs that I gush over for days and reread 1000x over. Back in the old old days of my elder fics, I got fan art and I still have them saved on a special folder on my phone. I drink out of mugs someone created of my OC's Fay and Tsiri. Just knowing people read and enjoyed it is great.

(And I'm one of those weird folks who also welcome criticism too, actually. I want to be better. I want to write good good fics that get people coming to the table and screaming for more. I want to know what you like and hate. What I could improve about my style for clarity. What was so cringey it made your skin crawl. I aim to please.)

Compliment?

I am almost done writing a fic longer than Return of the King that's literally all I'm going to be talking about for weeks. I hope it's good, lol.

In regards to engagement, in my experience I've created numerous connections with people all across the world from different experiences and backgrounds just through fandom culture. That's healthy for cultivating a good, open-minded worldview. Those connections give me so much joy and energy and help inspire me to create! When I get home, I can't wait to work on my projects, and I really want to finish something so that I can giddily hide behind my computer screen and hope you all see and enjoy it.

But beyond that, human connection is very important to me. I like seeing your personal ramblings about how y'alls days are going, your jobs, your day-to-day stuff. The people behind the blogs. And I like that on the internet, there isn't a huge expectation of availability like there is in person. I myself have a great deal of social anxiety, but online, I can choose when I have enough energy to reach out or start a conversation or message back, or when that reserve just isn't in me.

If you're really anxious, know that I still see you and am happy even if you just follow and lurk, even if I just get a kudos or a like and then you disappear. I know what I share is quite salacious and not everyone wants to have that on their blog, believe me lol. Being seen is also gratifying. If you ever have the energy for a word of an ecouragement, that means the world to me! But if not, be not afraid. I do not hate you for liking my posts.

Aaaaand for WIP stuff-

Nice try, you can't fish out more deets about the end of Ride or Die/Fly or Fall than I have already shared lol. I CANNOT spoil anything at this point. But I will say this: I feel more strongly about the theme and the arc for Volume 2 than I did for Volume 1. I have a more concrete plan overall than I did the first go round. And the message is kind of something I'm already working towards at the very end of this work, so they should flow together quite cohesively.

[tinatribeca]

Life Update 11/10/24

11:42am.

School is kicking my ass right now. I don't even want to talk about this program I'm in. I feel a bit distracted. I'm questioning my decision to enroll. Was it too soon for me to go back to school knowing I'm still grieving? The work, school, social life balance is kicking my ass as well. Often I'm figuring out what I should be doing versus what I want to be doing.

Haha, I wish I was recording.

The program is short I'll delve into that during a time where I feel like really delving into that - it's easier to avoid the thought of my future. Ever feel like you want to talk about everything and nothing at all?

I'll still be thinking about that dream I have.

Of being a musician. Adulting they said. It'll be easy yet complicated.

Is it easy? more so, just complicated.

So why did I enroll? Well, my job will reimburse me. Well, maybe I've been a bit bored with what I'm doing. Maybe the idea of being upper middle class sounds nice. Maybe more money will make things easier.

I cried my first few exams. My thought process was literally what the fuck did I just do.

I passed both exams. I'm just anxious naturally.

What I'm studying I won't discuss cause ugh maybe if I write it down then that leads to acceptance: the acceptance of me being an adult and making adult decisions and adults go back to school? don't they?

Accept it girl, welcome to the big leagues of:

Adulting. Writing it down makes it real? Doesn't it?

Anyway.

I met someone. In person.

I hosted a few events within the last few months. One of them being at a bar in the lower east side. Mixers for people to meet new people. Word of mouth, reddit and boom. 60+ people my first event.

Did it again and changed the date because of food poisoning and second time around it was a lot less people.

I met a guy. He walked in like a comfortable breeze.

You ever meet someone and instantly need to know that person? I felt that gravitational pull instantly. I just want to speak to that guy, I'm not sure why but I need to talk to him- my exact thoughts the moment he left.

Attractive? Yes. My type? Absolutely not. To be the most honest I've ever been, he is the furthest from what I usually go for. He's all brains, like a whole lot smarter than me. White. Hazel eyes. Dark hair. Tan skin and not at all from here.

He's from San Diego and just moved here a year ago.

Has his PHD in neuroscience.

I've always had a thing for smart guys but I never usually go for them. I'm not sure why. I guess with age comes more confidence. Why not?

Somehow I found him online and messaged him. I shot my shot and surprisingly did not get turned down.

My friend hosted an event shortly after. He showed up and we made out the entire night drunkenly.

Before we kissed he said something that really made me think.

He told me I was intimidating and compared talking to me to talking to a celebrity. Then he was all "well not a celebrity because I don't care to meet celebrities..." and staggered along to explain how I was too cool for him. He said it was something about my aura or whatever, how I operate in a room. He stumbled over the words and said something along those lines. Well, it bothered me. May be a compliment to some but not to me. It made me feel like maybe I'm single because I have to be smaller. Less than I am now.

He saw my reaction to what he said and was all "It's a compliment. Its not a bad thing." But I couldn't help but feel otherwise.

We have been texting ever since but guess what:

He's not looking for anything serious. So, here I am once again. Falling but not falling at all. He's a psych professor. He's smart as fuck. I've never been more attracted to someones mind but I've been having the feeling I may need to let him go soon.

Here we go again.

I think not. I learned my lesson the hard way last time. But our lips intertwine like sand and water.

A perfect fit.

Isn't it funny how we text every day but I haven't seen him since.

Isn't it funny how I'm one foot in and one foot out.