#i really want Peace to continue the family tbh she's just so loving

[spinnysocks]

age six is insane 😭

[redbleedingrose]

Traditions ~ Cassian x Reader

 Summary: You teach Cassian a family tradition 

Warnings: slight angst, infertility, tbh mostly fluff

A/N: OMG 2.7k-ish words later!!! I am so sorry to have kept y’all waiting. I know you asked for an Azriel piece but this one was just stuck in my mind. Anyway, I guess this is the time to thank you all for 1.3k followers! That is huge and totally unexpected. I am forever thankful! Please leave your thoughts in the comments below, I always appreciate your likes, and love your reblogs. Let me know if you want to be added to my general taglist. Enjoy! 

Your mate gaped at you from where he was seated on your large bed, several feet away from your vanity he had built with his brothers as a mating gift when you had finally accepted the bond. It had been nearly an hour since you had emerged from the bath that Cassian had first started after your supper. You had joined him when the water was still piping hot and as the water had gone luke-warm, your needy husband spent the entire bath running his large, calloused hands all over your body, massaging your sorest parts every now and then, and squeezing at your soft flesh in any place he could without earning a smack on his thigh. The warm pot roast with mashed potatoes settled into your stomach with a glass of red wine to follow, had you feeling sated and cozy while you rested against Cass’ chest. Time well spent cooking with the general, who was barely able to keep his hands off you, until you nearly kicked him out of the kitchen, settling for the occasional spank on your ass. 

You calmly moved into the next step of your nighttime routine, circling your aloe cream into your cheeks and under eyes, ignoring your pouting mate who whined in the background, trying to get your attention to pull you away from your seat and into your bed. When you had walked out of your shared bathroom, you wore nothing but a silk robe that ran down to right above your knees, exposing your newly moisturized legs that smelled of his favorite honey and milk lotion. Cassian was feeling almost feral at the sight of you, wanting nothing more than to toss you over any surface so he could have his way with you for hours. Maybe, you wouldn’t be getting the rest you had planned on, and you were okay with that. But, right now? This was your time to relax, to ease into the night, to let the various worries of the day slip out of your mind and into the dark abyss of tomorrow. 

So, he sat. 

He sat on the large bed, with his arms crossed over his chest, huffing and puffing with his jaw hung open as you heated the fresh hyssop oil in your hands, coating it in your palms before running your fingers through your hair. You hummed in contentment, sneaking a glance at your impatient husband, sending him a sneaky, yet, gentle smile before massaging the silky liquid through your scalp all the way down to the roots of your hair. You watched him through the mirror, as you continued to hum, staring at you with his head tilted to the side in curiosity, his pupils blowing out his cinnamon mixed with copper iris’. 

Not once had your dear husband ever asked what it is that you were doing, not once did he ask what your nighttime routine actually was. He never asked why it took so long, he never asked why you had so many steps in the process. He only stared at you in wonder. You weren't exactly sure why Cassian never felt the need to ask, but you had assumed it was because it didn't matter, despite how strange it looked, as long as you were at peace in the end. 

It was simple, really. A tradition that had run in your family for centuries. Oiling your hair that is. Your great grandmother had done it to your grandmother, your grandmother had done it to your mother, and your mother had done it to you. It was a form of love, of devotion, and of doting on someone you love. It always brought memories that felt like balm after a long, difficult day. Your mother used to sing you hymns as she settled you between her knees on the floor, rubbing the oil through her hands to warm it before pressing it into your hair.

 She would run her hands through your hair softly, “it will open up your mind, my sweet little bird,” murmuring to you her love as she would bounce her fingers against your scalp. After she was done, she would press a kiss onto your forehead before braiding your hair and then sending you off to bed. The tips of your fingers played with the ends of your hair that you had weaved into that simple braid, sliding it over your shoulders, and easing back into the soft white chair you were seated in before calling out to your mate, “C’mere my love.” 

He shot out of bed obediently, rushing over to where you were seated, grinning as you spread your legs open, slowly and sensually, till your knees were fully spread apart, exposing your glistening sex. You tilted your head back with a smirk, watching his reaction. The poor male was nearly drooling at the sight of his mate all spread out for him, his pretty eyes sparkling with what could only be described as pure hunger for his mate. “Get on your knees, Cass.” Not a second later, he fell to his knees, right in front of you, growling at your scent that seemed to bleed into the room, his soft hair falling forward over his shoulders as he leaned over to take a huff of your essence. You couldn't help but let a breeze of laughter escape you, resting your foot flat against his shoulder and pushing him back without much force. “Sweetheart,” he started with another growl, reaching up to rest his hand on your ankle, “Not yet, General,” you interrupted with another chuckle, “turn around.” 

“B- But–,” his hungry smirk fell into a forlorn expression that made your smile widen, “Nuh uh Cassie baby, turn around,” you twirled your finger around in a spinning motion, trying to motion for him to turn faster. Your poor mate sighed before following your order, willing to do whatever you wished, even if it meant tasting your cunt later in the night rather than right now, like he so craved doing. He expected you to be playing one of your games, though he wasn’t sure what it was. Even after centuries of being together, you still managed to find ways to surprise him, keeping him on his toes, or rather, his knees, and keeping the spark alive in your relationship. You sent a stroke of love and satisfaction down your vibrating bond, soothing his restless soul as his thumb continued to stroke and press into your outer ankle that was resting on the padded floor next to his hip. 

You lifted the vial, using the dropper to access the oil that you had used only moments prior, humming the same tunes your mother used to when you sat in the same position as Cassian is now. You settled the vial back onto the glass vanity, warming the oil in your hands as you leaned forward towards your mate, pressing a kiss into his temple. His eyes fluttered shut, resting his cheek against your knee before turning his head to drop a swift kiss onto the exposed skin. He lingered for a moment, smiling into you, pulses of an overwhelming sense of adoration and warmth emanated through your bond from him. It was so clear to you how smitten he still was with you, how devoted he was with you, how he still delighted in your presence even if it meant pushing off your most intimate display of affection for whatever it is that you have planned for him. 

He more or less whined as your soft fingers burrowed into his hair, running along his scalp, his head nearly falling back into your lap, reveling in the feeling of you bouncing your fingers into his skin. His jaw fell open further as you gathered even more oil before running it through his silky ink hair, making sure to cover every single strand with it. It glimmered in the soft lighting emitting from the fireplace as you brushed his hair back with your fingers, pulling the tips to the top of his scalp to coat every end. Cassian couldn’t even force his eyes open to watch, his head had begun to lightly pulse at the sensation of his beautiful, wonderful mate playing with his hair. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in weeks with the new conflicts in Illyria sending him and his brothers over the edge with tension and anxiety. His lips lifted of their own accord into an open smile every time he felt you press a sweet kiss into his forehead, smoothing down any residual wrinkles of stress. It was when you pushed his head back up with such ease that he sat back up, thinking you were done with whatever it was that you were doing.

 He found, pleasantly, that he was wrong. 

Your fingers shifted through his hair, pulling it back into what he could've sworn would be a ponytail, but you let his hair go, letting it fall back to his shoulders. He could feel you hesitate, shuffling closer to him and pressing your legs closer into his side. He waited patiently, unsure of what your next step would be, startling slightly when you began whispering as your hands ran up his spine, “Have you ever wondered why I put this oil in my hair, Cass?” Basking in the feeling of you so near, your warmth radiating off you, your scent almost overwhelming, he murmured an agreement, pressing a kiss onto your other exposed knee. You grinned down at your mates euphoric state, a state similar to the ones that only happened after hours of love making, continuing with your mistrations at his shoulders before threading his hair in your warm grasp to form a simple braid. 

Words began slipping out of you like sweetened tea, and Cass listened intently, always wanting to bury every single statement you uttered into his memory so he would never forget, “It’s a tradition that has run through my family for generations. It is said that hyssop oil that is freshly pressed is extremely hydrating to one's hair, and that it helps refresh a person's aura. And so, as tradition goes, my mother would do this for me, warming the oil right in her palm as a form of love, nearly soaking my scalp and hair in it, following that with a simple braid to let it enrich my hair and my aura. And she would sing some hymns to me in the old language while doing so. If there ever were a way to calm me down, it would be this. I guess you could say, it is a way to show your affection to someone.” You rambled softly, hoping that Cassian wouldn’t mind you doing this for him, that he would understand, and that hopefully, he would let you do this again. 

His warm hand was now fully pressing into your ankle, squeezing it thrice every so often, an easy smile lilting his beautiful rugged face while you babbled on, “It’s sweet though, if you think about it, Cass. My grandmother did this to my mother. And my mother did this to me. And maybe one day…” you paused, anxiously looking down at your mate who had finally opened his burnt cinnamon eyes to look up at you like you were a goddess to be worshiped. He squeezed your ankle once again, this time more firmly, stabilizing you before pressing a hard kiss into your plush lower inner thigh to reassure you into continuing. You cleared your throat, pushing down the small, painful lump that had formed, “And maybe one day, I can do it for our future babe, whenever that will be.” 

It had been almost three years of you trying with Cassian to have a babe, and it still hadn’t happened. No matter how many potions Majda had given you, no matter the reassurance Cass and your friends from the inner circle had given you, especially Feyre, it still hurt. It still didn’t make any sense to you as to how it hadn’t happened yet. And you knew. You knew that sometimes, it could take decades for fae, even longer for Illyrians. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less. That didn’t mean it was any less difficult. You and Cassian had both hoped that it would happen relatively quickly, given how quickly Feyre had gotten pregnant with Nyx. But that didn’t seem to be how it worked out for you both. 

And it was hard. 

It was painful. 

You had spent nights crying yourself to sleep over it not happening. Every month, when your cycle would come, it felt like another stab to your already bleeding heart. You couldn’t help but feel as though you had failed. Failed at reproducing. Failed at being a female. Failed at being a mate. 

But Cass never let you feel that way for long. His constant reassurance and strength had been the only thing in recent months that had been helping you push through this period of difficulty in your life. He was the perfect male, the perfect husband, the perfect mate really. Not even for a second did he blame you for your troubles with infertility. Not for a second did he make you feel incapable. He was truly your rock against the crashing waves that kept you standing. 

And you loved him for it.

And he loved you for it. He always would.

You were so deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed Cassian was now turned towards you, sitting up on his knees and staring at you in concern, his calloused hands resting on your cheeks, stroking away the stray tears that had slipped out. You sniffled, trying to smile at your mate as you snuggled into his palm, raising up your own hand to rest against his, “your braid will slip open my love, turn around so I can tie it.” He started to shake his head, “Sweetheart– ,” you hummed, not letting him finish what he had planned to say, patting at his broad shoulders with a small grin rising on your face, “C’mon Cassie, quickly.” 

His iris shifted between yours, looking for any signs of remaining sadness that had seemed to slip out of you as quickly as it had come. And when he found none, he nodded slowly, pecking your lips before turning silently and resting his ass against his shins. You remove the hair tie that has been wrapped around your wrist, gently tying off his braid before running a finger down the length of it. He catches your wrist, pulling it around his body towards his front and planting kisses right along the inner portion, resting it on his chest to where you can feel his heart beating at your fingertips. You blushed at the sensation, the pulses of love he sends down your already buzzing mating bond provide a source of comfort that you could not begin to describe. 

“I love you, sweetheart, so much,” his voice barely above a whisper, but you heard it loud and clear, “and we will have a beautiful little babe that you can do this with.” He shifted, hooking his arm under your thigh and swiftly pulling you out of your chair and into his lap. You landed in his embrace with a yelp, his arms pulled you further into his hold allowing him the access to peck your flushed cheeks, the tip of your nose, the edge of your jawline, the base of your forehead, and finally, your lips. His kiss sent tingles from your lips down to your heart which morphed into butterflies that exploded in your soft tummy. Cassian held you there, moving his lips in gentle succession until a smile formed against your lips. He ended the kiss with another soft peck, “But until then, you can continue your traditions with me. All that affection and love you are saving for our future babe, you can give some for me to hold onto until the mother blesses us. What do you think?” A huff of a breath escapes you in a barely formed laugh, your smile too large for you to contain as you lean up to kiss your husband again, nodding once while watching his own smile widen, right before returning your lips against his.

General taglist: @nyotamalfoy @brekkershadowsinger @kennedy-brooke @fieldofdaisiies 

Masterlist

[becomingpart2]

Saw your post about the SA only making Spike the focus, and I agree. What do you think of the argument that it *was* about Buffy because it was about how she could forgive and inspire people to better themselves, and in the end Buffy saved the world by saving Spike and allowing him to be a Champion? And that it totally made sense for Buffy because she was compassionate (forgave Willow for trying to end the world) and acted the same towards Angel in S3, separated him from his soulless self and took care of him?

The only episode that compares in focusing on Angel and his psyche is Amends, as opposed to every other interaction between Spike and Buffy in Season Seven.

Hi, sorry this took so long.

So tbh, this is one of the first times I'm seeing this argument because it's just not common in the buffy circles I'm in. I'm actually a bit shocked that it is even an argument that exists and that is being used in some kind of attempt at justifying or even defending the terrible way the show handled the abuse buffy suffered.

I'm aware that much of the show's idea of what it means to be a hero lies in the idea of perservering despite everything, taking the punches life throws at you and continuing despite it all. Being kind and compassionate through it all because that's the hero's responsiblity, etc. But I don't think you can make that argument when it comes to gendered abuse, especially for a show that calls itself "feminist". It's frankly the opposite of that, it's offensive and misogynistic to the core.

Women are already educated since birth to prioritize other people's needs and comfort, especially men's, over their own. They're made to swallow their pain, their suffering for the comfort of the others, to not "disturb the peace" of their environment, to not make things uncomfortable, to not be "selfish". That is a huge component of patriarchy, whether that is about being a good mother and a good wife or to more extreme cases like being silent about your own abuse. And when women do talk about their abuse, that's usually accompanied by the overanalyzing of their every action and victim blaming; they did something to "earn" getting abused. You know, like Buffy in S6.

So no, I don't think buffy "forgiving" her would-be rapist simply because he's got a soul now is a good storytelling point by any mark. And that's made even worse by the fact she can't really forgive him because the show didn't want to acknowledge it again.

Faith, Angel and Willow, for instance, all had their wrongdoings acknowledged in the text to some extend: Faith went to prison, Willow goes to England and is afraid to use her powers again and Angel is isolated from the rest of the scoobies and at one point even tries to kill himself. Spike gets a soul in an ambiguous way where he makes it seem like he's going to use it to "punish" buffy for rejecting him and then goes back to sunnydale where buffy procedes to protect and take care of him after learning he's got a soul "for her", something that she keeps doing even after he proves himself a danger to her friends and family, even after he starts killing again. So I don't think her "forgiving" him is really comparable to the other instances in the show even if we might think some of them "got off easily" too.

(I think you can only make that argument for Willow, but to me what is different about her is that Willow was not a demon -- she's a human being and that separates her from the other villains. Even though she's killed someone, buffy's not a cop, it's not her job to bring "justice" in that sense, so I think her reaction is understandable).

I'm not really sure I'd say buffy completely separates angel and angelus, she always calls him "angel" even when he's soulless. I think her reaction in Amends is mainly about stopping him from killing himself and I believe she'd do that for anyone. She obviously still loves him and has conflicted feelings about what happened but I never get the impression that what he did to her is being swept under a rug -- they both very much acknowledge the damage that he's caused and how much he hurt her. And again, angel suffers the consequences of that by being isolated from the group, things are never really the same for them after S2, even though they try to lead a somewhat normal relationship after a lot of resistence. It's different from spike and buffy where their "relationship" literally blossoms from the abuse or better yet from pretending the abuse didn't happen.

I wouldn't be opposed to Buffy forgiving spike if that was actually an arc in the show but it wasn't. You can't have an arc about forgiveness when you can't even talk about what happened, when you can't even admit there was someone who was clearly in the wrong, someone who took advantage of the other person and hurt them the most, instead of vague allusions and conversations about "mutual abuse" (if you subscribe to the idea of mutual abuse, you're admitting Buffy did something to earn it). Amends was very explicit -- it was about the importance of keeping fighting and striving to do good even when you think of yourself as a lost cause because of the bad things you did. Your past doesn't define you, you can always choose to do better, to be better.

[i23kazu]

𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆'𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒

these are all my ocs !!! do be nice :-) i've worked hard on them hehehe and i'm glad they get to come out of the basement now, please click on the picrews for better quality ! ! !! | post best viewed in light mode

𝓵𝓾𝓬𝓲𝓮𝓷

he/him | 24 y.o. | modern au genshin !!! | ✦✦✦✦

fontainian intern at tianquan co ( a government agency dealing with policies ) !

lucien is originally from the court of fontaine but studied in liyue for law (ex-classmates with yanfei heheeee) and is now working as an intern ( because the government companies in liyue won't let him full time :") )

he hopes to create a stronger support group for foreigners in liyue to connect them with job opportunities & resource broking heh – he and yanfei work together to try and find loopholes but liyue law is TIGHTT

wishes he could do more though ngl poor bebs

hydro polearm :3 !!!!

it was his flex for a while that he got the same element as the one from his homeland mwahaha

love language : words of affirmation

𝓴𝓪𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓱

she/her | 20 y.o. | slight modern au genshin !!! | ✦✦✦✦

LIYUEAN SOCIAL WORKER !!!! <333 she's my representation /cope

masc girl ever

works in liyue's youth sector for the ministry of social affairs !! covers up her tattoo when she goes to work (everyone always asks her why she's wearing a turtleneck in office)

has a wolfcut - mullet - thingy ?? ?? ?

super boisterious like this girl is loud. she's one of beidou's friends & is close to shuying ( my self-insert oc !!! )

yongjia's twin !!! younger than him by 4 mins

does boxing in her spare time

u'll find her organising peaceful protests when she can btw #advocate

pyro claymore !!!

love language : physical touch

𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓲𝓪

he/him | 20 y.o. | slight modern au genshin | ✦✦✦✦

communications manager for a supply company that works with the restaurants of liyue!

kailah's twin !!!! older by 4 minutes

the more reserved sibling – but certain people definitely bring out certain parts of himself

dyed his hair bc he went through the phase of not wanting to look like kailah ..

ask him out with drinks after work, why don't you?

this man has really good memory ... remembers the little things about everybody + analytical ass brain

the brain of the twins, while kailah is the heart

well liked by the aunties of liyue what can i say

geo sword !!!

love language : quality time

𝓼𝓱𝓾𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰

she/ her | 18 y.o. | slight modern au genshin | ✦✦✦✦

studying social work!!! kailah is her mentor & is one of her good friends

she wants to work with little kids in the future!!

is baizhu’s daughter :3

absolutely adores the twins, they’re like the older siblings she never had

has tried to pick up crocheting. never again. her hands were shaking the entire time and she couldn’t do anything

loves giving gifts!!!

tbh shuying is my self insert soooo. if i continue any longer it’ll just be “hey isnt this just ying”

dendro polearm !!!!

love language : physical touch

𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷

he/him | 25 y.o. | modern au genshin | ✦✦✦✦

a librarian at the house of daena :3

loves making friends honestly!! he's down if you're down.. except that some over-excited students take him a bit too seriously and get their hearts crushed

local sweetheart i'm ngl. good with old ladies and good with children. very sweet

family man! will introduce his family one day

heuheuehuue i love him so much,,, this sweetheart,,,

also his name was inspired from a typo btw. just saying

anemo catalyst !!!!

love language : acts of service

picrew one | picrew two

[ahauntingwewillgo]

I wanna talk about Eowyn bc I don't think people fully understood her character neither in the books or the films. Peter Jackson plays a little more into the "she's in love with Aragorn" but I wish that modern audiences understood older concepts of love and specifically understood the different between agape and eros love.

I know we live in an age where in media, directors, writers, actors, and fandom insist on everything having a ship and that's fair and fine! But I promise you would have both a deeper understanding of a character and a deeper knowledge of how love actually works if you'd just expand your minds to understand that love doesn't always mean something inherently sexual.

When Eowyn says "You do not command the others to stay! They fight beside you because they would not be parted from you! Because they love you." It was played like an accidentally confession and in a small way, sure. Aragorn is handsome, he's gallant and chivalrous. He cares deeply for his men who fight beside him, for his friends, and for the good of all peoples. There's a lot to admire of a man who speaks softly to you when you've been in a magical nightmare conjured by a lackie of Sarumon. But I need you all desperately to understand that this Wasn't a confession.

She wanted to fight at his side. She wanted the same glory her brother, her father, her cousin all faced. To Fight against the evils that have plauged her home and her family and her people for so long. She knew Aragorn was the last King of Men and her warrior's heart wanted to ride in to battle at her High King's side, to fight and die for him bc her loyalty ran deeper than a mere citizen of middle earth.

And the fact that everyone simply cast her aside as some love sick puppy just really discredits her and the bravery of all women. When I was a kid, the girl who introduced me to LoTR hated Eowyn so much and tbh I always felt like she just didn't understand Eowyn, and I think the fandom continues to use her as a singifier for Feminism while also miscasting her as "Aragorn's side peace".

I love you Eowyn, you're in my heart forever!

[justzawe]

I just came back from a VERY long Tumblr break. I was here during the peak of "hiddlestoner" mania- when Tumblr revolved around Marvel, Supernatural, Sherlock, and Dr. Who. I'm honestly not shocked at the level of delusion, racism, and sheer insanity some of these fans have exhibited when it comes to Tom and Zawe. I wish I could be surprised, but when I step back and look at the rise of Trumpism and idiots who are QAnon believers, it's not surprising that fans would twist themselves into knots to claim the baby isn't his and Zawe is holding him captive (or whatever psychotic shit they can come up with). They can be packed into the same looney bin as the QAnon people who believe we're getting injected with micro-chips and JFK Jr. is still alive to come back and assist Trump in a coup. Aside from the clear signs of neglected mental health, these people attempt to claim some sort of a delusional ownership over Tom. He will never go back to "pre-2016 Tom" you know why? Cause the "fandom" scared the fuck out of him and he realized he needed to protect himself and those he loved from the same crazies who claim to know what's happening in his private life but don't know the man from a can of paint. He's fiercely protecting his family from them because he recognizes they don't respect him or respect boundaries. I watched and listened as fan encounters grew increasingly aggressive and inappropriate. I could only imagine the fear/anxiety/discomfort he must have dealt with during some of the moments described in stories about these fan encounters. The absolutely unhinged behavior exhibited by the same lot of people who are attacking Zawe are the reason he will never return to pre-2016 Tom and I, for one, believe that's a good thing. I hope they continue to protect their privacy and peace as a family and I hope the conspiracy theory haters die mad about it.

This is so on point, anon.

You can really see how protective he is over Zawe when they’re in fan spaces. I think part of that is he wants to make sure she doesn’t get overwhelmed by the crowd since she’s mentioned experiencing anxiety in that setting before, but I definitely think it’s also because he knows how aggressive and unhinged his fans can be.

I’m thinking that after his fans went insane when he dated Taylor, he knew that if he was going to ever have something real and long lasting with someone, he was going to have to change the way he was with his fandom and the media. He’s still great with them, but you can see the difference. Good for him tbh. He has to protect his family.

[odysseys-blood]

ive been having fun looking through the cards on the intimacy page and seeing what all i can understand/intepret from them and i just wanna ramble a bit about each so thats going under the cut (currently i have owyn, delos, xiel, mishe and heigl so just them until i get the others. also a little bit spoilery ofc)

no particular order so starting w/ mishe

his has the most obvious pieces i think. cityscape with a clock tower when he was raised in one after being taken in by his grandfather. books on shelves surrounding him because thats how he preferred to live etc etc. i think the stars in the inner circle could represent the sky that he loved to watch at the top of the tower during the evenings dotted with stars with everything still and calm. * i think what im most interested in is the outer ring (w/ the zodiac symbols) bc it looks a little like a magic circle and might be a nod to where he was originally from also hes got a very calm and neutral pose but i dont think theres much to glean from that

even with how much time has passed and heigl knowing his wife is dead and gone it still looks like hes waiting for her. which is funny considering her name which i have been ao sad about for days. If you didnt know, her name was Laica (which im sure is supposed to be said like laika. yknow the dog that was sent to space on a one way trip) and she left one day (on their anniversary no less) and didnt come home. but hes still there and he looks like hes thinking hard, probably about all the time he missed spending with her in favor of work. theres ofc also the gravestones at the bottom and the candles for a vigil. also did a quick look because i noticed the roses in his hand and scattered around the edges, and 3 (in his hand) can mean "i love you" and 8 (around the borders) can be a symbol of appreciation. also the roses in the border look like theyre on textile and from his backstory laica seemed to enjoy sewing and knitting.

ok from here i have a bit less to say/its a lot less concrete continuing:

owyn's looks the most peaceful to me tbh. out of all of the ones ive seen hes the only one thats smiling and seemingly content. what i will point out though are two things: one being the eagle, which im wondering is just a bird he might know or if its the one that was the messenger between helsinf and whoever it was that was warning him about people pursuing beastmen like owyn, and the other being the flowers in the border. unlike with heigl's theyre kind og hidden behind the border designs which feels to me like it represents his past with experimentation (and from what i can tell it was probably experiments eith the vialis curse). i wonder if he still thinks about it at all

i think the first thing i noticed is just how. empty delos' feels. like its still just as elaborate as the others so i dont mean that it LOOKS empty..but it FEELS like it is. despite how confidently he appears for the most part in the actual story here it looks like hes trying to hide. he doesn't want to be seen and i think its a mix of not wanting to take on his father's duty as the zarketh yet (mix of not feeling worthy of the role as well as feeling that if he takes it then its the same as writing off his father as dead which u see in the current event) plus feeling shame for not being the protector he swore he would be even if nothing that happened to his family is his fault. because at the end of the day he was supposed to be there for them no ifs ands or buts. and while the ocean is an important part of zarcove and a symbol of it i think you could also take it for the feeling of him drowning in his own insecurities and grief and lonliness

i forgot who i saw point it out or if it was on here or twit ill look late but i really didnt notice at first that he isnt smiling. i guess bc it looks so close to his actual sprite and he has a small smile there but it rly is a blink-and-you-miss-it detail i like. honestly to me his feels a bit empty like delos' just instead that "emptiness" is filled w/ a pretty background that screams opulence but like. it means little to him because thats just what he was expected to inherit. honestly while it has a church look to it (which i wouldnt understand much rn how that would fit in anyways i havent unlocked his last room) it does also remind me of a bird cage a little and i wonder if the floating pages have anything to do with all of the books and general entertainment he just couldn't have while growing up

[swordmaid]

I think ina is very family-oriented… being able to protect her family (and her community) is a really big thing for her…!!! she’s willing to stand up against a human lord and kill (prob her first kills tbh now that I think abt it ….) to save her cousin and she’s like what … 16…!!!! and she loves her family a lot and I think she feels bad that she had to leave them behind even though it wasn’t her choice. she’s doing her heroic stuff and getting recognition for it, and she’s experiencing things she would’ve never experienced if she still lived in the alienage (like being able to afford fancy clothes and proper food, etc.) and she feels bad that she can do all that stuff knowing that her family is still back in the alienage, living off of rats and whatever they could find. and even though she had that encounter with that spectral shianni in the temple of sacred ashes, she still hasn’t reconciled with the fact that she did leave them behind, and her life will continue without them. like I think throughout the origins plot she gets sooo homesick and she misses her family a lot..! like that was her whole life you know, and she’s still young despite everything that has happened. and I think tabris would’ve wanted children too — obvs not in her current age, but some day in the future she would’ve wanted her own kids and I think she would’ve grown to love nelaros too I mean I make her wear the wedding ring you can loot off of him until zev gives you his earring, but now she can’t have them bc she’s a grey warden, and she can’t even look out for her own family bc she’s a warden and she’s not supposed to have those ties anymore…. like it’s so bad for her! but she has to make her own peace with it … and I think she has enough sense of responsibility to take up that mantle of being a warden, and she’s willing to save these people (the very people who looks down on her bc she’s an elf) but it doesn’t mean she has to like it, or she’s happy about it, she just has to do it, u know…. but if such a choice was possible I think she would’ve wanted to go back home. but she can’t go home anymore so it is what it is … 😮‍💨

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Hi! I hope you're doing well and having a wonderful holiday season 💛 A couple years ago I sent a message as I was just finishing up my first year of university. I can't seem to find it (thank you Tumblr) but your reply was profound and helped me to continue striving towards my goals. As it turns out, my mother has untreated (but diagnosed) schizophrenia which fuels much of her devotion to God(s). Growing up in a traditional Hindu family has always been tough as I am a female, which means many patriarchal expectations are upheld. I had mentioned that I wasn't keen on going down the traditional route of being a devout housewife & how my parents were actually quite nice without religion. You had said something along the lines of "Young woman who knows what she wants." And that has stuck with me ever since. I haven't moved out yet, and I don't think I will for the next 3 years atleast, but I finally got a job as I finish up my university degree with one semester left to finish. It's a bit surreal, being the first woman in my family to actually have a job. I just wanted to thank you - this blog was something I discovered at the end of my highschool career and now being 22, I feel alot of hope for my future. I really do not think I would've been as confident or independent as I am without dismantling the years of religious and Hindu cultural ideals ingrained in me. (And while I'm aware most families in India aren't as traditional as mine, there are still certain expectations for women. And tbh, I'm not one to cut off my entire family - it's just not something I have the strength for.) Though the job I have isn't my dream job, it's a big step towards it, one that has opportunities of relocation and for now, I am satisfied with it. Once again, thank you so so much. I'm sorry if this is a bit ramble-y, I'm a tad overwhelmed since I just recieved my offer letter. 💛💛 Much love and peace to you!!

Wow, that's amazing. Congratulations!

I'm very glad you've stuck with your goals and kept working at it, bit by bit. Keep at it, you'll get there!

[hiveswap]

Warning: Far too long, only kind of filtered notes app analysis that i couldn't sleep last night unless i typed out:

Just finished reading old Man Quill and also the Wastelanders volume about him. Tbh i liked it a lot, i already knew the rest of the team were dead but the reveal still hit really hard.

Peter is a sensitive soul, one of his defining traits has always been that he feels responsible for everything that ever goes wrong and stops at nothing to make it right again. (That and substance abuse, but this is the farthest that concept has ever been taken) It's been like that since he gave himself up for mass murder before Annihilation.

If i understand correctly, this timeline separates off when he leaves the Guardians to rule Spartax for a while, but that option leaves us with a continuity error since he namedrops Infinity Wars. The other option is that after they take down the future!universal church in the 2019 run, he goes to Spartax to take over the throne, since his father died there. This would fix one continuity error, and also pick up at a point where Nova is already back from tentacle hell (more on him later) This would however cause another continuity error with the spaceship they are using, since by then they didn't have the Milano. However, this is nitpicking.

50+ years in complete solitude must have messed with his head enough for the news to break him the way they did. The Guardians were some of the last people he loved that he knew were at least somewhere out there, even if they have spent the vast majority of their lives apart.

I also find the idea that he had a family very interesting, because he seems to want that so much, but duty will always call, either an external force or his own restlessness will get between him and peace. The 2020 run starts similarly, his attempt at settling down is interrupted by an old friend asking for help, and he could never let Nova go to war alone. After he dies there, he is given the chance to settle down as an immortal on Morius, but he grows restless after 200 years of it.

In the Old Man storyline, the death of his family on Spartax works in a similar way. He grows restless, he leaves them to fight (for them as an emperor and a father), except this time they die in his abscence while it was his responsibility to protect them. Not only does this reach into his pre-existing insecurities and flaws but it also gives him an extra layer of motivation: throughout the story he is very protective of children who get caught up in the crossfire.

I find the Wastelanders Starlord issue extremely interesting. It is about how he very much still has to move on from the past, stop thinking back to a romanticized version of his loved ones and allies, stop thinking of how those idealised figures would hate him if they really saw him now.

Nova's presence in both this sequence and the ending is a clear signal that he needs to pull his head out of his ass: one of the people whose "ghost" he saw that degraded him is literally still alive! And look at the other people, all of them people who must be happy to hear from him after 50 years of locking himself away.

The way he breaks from the illusion calls to mind his tendency to reject peace: While the previous illusions call him a failure, Kitty promises to love him just like she did in the past. He rejects this to save himself, accurately noticing that it offers him a romanticised version of their relationship made up to hit him right where it hurts. Stay, like you've always failed to do, it says. Leave like you always do.

In the end he moves on successfully, building on the things he's lost and not letting them out of sight (holograms of the dead Guardians, ship renamed after Kitty Pryde)

Another thing I realised is that he'll risk his own safety but only if he's alone. One of his loved ones being around/doing something stupider than him immediately overrides his own stupidity and turns him into a responsible person who is going to come up with a better plan.

But if he's alone/backed into a corner it is potential suicide mission o'clock because he doesn't think he has value other than his relationships to others and believes that there is no one else who would do this "absolutely neccessary" thing if it wasn't him.

I enjoyed this story a lot, it felt consistent with characterisation i've grown to like. Deeply caring, softly ruthless, guilt weighing on his mind like a stone. I can easily compare his motivation and behaviour to the 2008 run, Moondragon even sums up a lot of what i've had to say:

Which is great! I know everyone says the 2020 series is the first true sequel to gotg2008, but for an alternate universe, Old Man Quill does well and should be given a chance.

[zenballmaster]

i have come back from seeing the movie a second time and i have. predictably. still more thoughts. spoilers (poses)

i felt the five's absence a lot more this time around orz like occasionally my mind would wander and imagine how this scene/interaction with zhen would go if tigress was there as well. also having a vague headcanon from The Olden Days that monkey has a very slight background in Less Than Lawful Crowds means i also sometimes thought about him seeing this den of thieves and being like. 'huh'

some things stuck out a bit more as a retread this time around than the first time, in particular the continued insistence on juniper city being so Huge when it's like. well. not that much visibly Larger than gongmen city was

like po's 'wooooah that's the biggest village i've ever SEEN' makes me want to put my hand on his shoulder like. 'po. honey'

i really really love seeing the nearby Outside of the valley of peace bc it's honestly just Gorgeous and feels very ghibli hills-esque ;-;

i still enjoy the chameleon and still feel like she has a very fun and intimidating presence despite being so small (i think a chunk of that is her VA tbh i love love her voice ghfieo), but i kiiinda feel like for as threatening as they try to make her, we really needed to see her do something more physically ominous and/or Nefarious than push someone down the stairs orz

ALSO related a little but tbh the times when we do get to see po and the chameleon talk to each other i feel like they have a good hero-villain chemistry and an intriguing Issue between them but. yeah they don't. really interact face to face hardly At All, and that interesting conflict they potentially have isn't really given any time to develop or be really dug into. also idk that it totally matches up between them, either thinking emoji

speaking of conflicts that aren't really explored to the depth i would personally be satisfied with-- while the idea that po already is being pushed into choosing a successor to replace him irks me more than it did the first time (rip), i do like the notion that's brought up of 'who you were will always be a part of who you are/become' and how it sorta lightly touches on the idea of grieving the person you once were, even if who you're becoming is an even better version of yourself than before

the final fight with the chameleon is more intense than i remembered it being

i'm more invested in zhen and han than i already was lmao also i feel like. there must have been More to zhen's betrayal down the line than just abandoning them for the chameleon's cold wealth. i wonder if the chameleon had zhen Do Something Personal in an attempt to further dissociate her from her old found family

i really enjoy han's deadpan 'those are both very common names' line for some reason

granny boar should be another rival to grandma panda. she can't reserve all her annoyance just for mr ping

po's disembodied head floating in space will never not immediately make me lose my mind. i laugh every gd time

aaand lastly there was a family with one kid sitting somewhere to the right of me and it was so so cute hearing her laugh at some of the jokes ghfhifoeoi

[itcameuponamidnightqueer]

heyo! im in ‘lets circle back to that in january’ heaven rn, have you read anything recently that you’d recommend? I might finally have time to dig into it!!

hell yeah, this is a great year to ask me this question bc i actually read things, and enjoyed almost all of them! also, a plus for me and i hope it makes a difference to you—everything i read was either written by a queer author or centered the story around queer characters. yes, this was on purpose and yes i will be continuing that in 2024, i always need more queer stories in my life

fiction: siren queen, nghi vo—my favorite book i read this year. a chinese american actress trying to make it in pre-Hays Code hollywood but also there's magical realism. the queerness here is quiet but not muted. tbh i think it could have done with, like, 50 more pages; the meat of the plot seemed to really ramp up just as the book was ending. but the writing was immersive, delicate, and thoughtful.

the once and future witches, alix harrow—three sisters in 1893 work through their own loaded history as they try to bring magic back into the world. alix harrow looks at a story and says "this isn't complete until i put some generational family trauma into it," (looking at you, starling house, also recommended) and she's so right for it. she writes sisterhood wonderfully, the tenderness and trauma of it all, weaving folklore/fairy tales throughout and giving us some bonus (emotionally) tortured sapphics. can also highly highly recommend the audiobook of this; the narrator has a wonderful holly hunter-esque voice.

the teixcalaan series, arkady martine—i read both books this year but absolutely lost my shit over a desolation called peace, which is the second one. the first one, a memory called empire, is very very good and captivating but is also so full of politicking and bureaucracy that it felt slow for basically the first half. both books deal with mahit dzmare, an ambassador of a satellite station colonized by a vast, sprawling empire, and her investigation into her predecessor's death. which is a vastly simplified summary for a deliciously intricate plot; the second book has the advantage of first contact with some creepy-ass aliens and some really cool experiments with prose, from a writing perspective.

graphic novels: saga, brian k. vaughan (writer) & fiona staples (artist)—i know, i know; saga has been around for a while and i only caught up to all the TPBs this year. basic plot: two soldiers on opposite sides of a war fall in love and try to live their damn lives, despite all of the government officials, exes, and mercenaries after them. the art is impeccable, the writing is funny, sexy, heartbreaking, authentic—i can and will read this forever.

nonfiction: something that may shock and discredit you, daniel lavery—i'm not usually one for memoirs/essay collections; i prefer biographies. but i've also loved daniel's writing since the toast, and there is so much i relate to in this expression of his transition. do i always get all of the arthurian or columbo references? are there bits of it that just sail wildly over my head? absolutely. but i also burst out laughing so many times, and there were passages that i just wanted to highlight for pages and scream, "me! it's me, right here!!"

these are my top picks of my 2023 collection! i read a bunch more books but i don't want to clog up everyone's dash so just let me know if you want more recs! always happy to share

[sometimesraven]

Wing, Poison

Dragon Themed Writer Ask Game

Wing: share a snippet that you daydreamed about before writing it (or a snippet that you were really looking forward to writing.)

I daydream about most of my writing before I write it tbh, that's how I write XD But this is one I really looked forward to because Erik using his powers to illustrate his words has always been a love of mine and I loved imagining him incorporating his gestures into his signing because he's Talented.

Blade wanted to ask what the point of this was. Erik seemed to be babbling without any real direction, his hands moving of their own accord and ordinarily that would be infuriating, but… Something in the way he lounged in the dirt, distant and wistful as he stared out over the water made Blade take pause and listen. Erik always had a way of making him listen. “Anyway. I’m completely out of my mind, ready to give up on everything, and this squirrel runs out in front of me. Straight through a gap in the trees I didn’t see before.” As he signed his movements grew a little more stiff – managing to continue speaking while conjuring a squirrel of water to rise and dance on the lake below. Blade watched with the ghost of a smile, unable to hide it when Erik was multitasking like that. He was always so good with his powers. “And squirrels are Tori’s thing, you remember? So I followed it. Some stupid idea that maybe she was trying to talk to me. And it leads me here.” The water squirrel danced around some more before splashing into a crude replica of the clearing they sat in. “And…” He paused again. Blade could see he was reluctant to continue, especially as the water-scene rolled back into the lake. “…All I could think about was how much you’d love it here.” Oh.

Poison: share a snippet that’s all about relationships (good or bad).

Bitter Truth focuses pretty heavily on family and relationships, as Blade figures out what each of those mean to him and how much he's willing to give and take and change for them. This snippet is a little rough as it's from the very first draft, but I'm hoping to work it into the current version. After spending a lifetime not allowed to have a personality beyond the orders he's given, transitioning into freedom is rough on him. In this scene I challenge the rush everyone is in to force a person into healthier situations they need time to adjust to by allowing Erik and Blade to have a dynamic many people would immediately turn their noses up at.

"You're fine out there. You know what to do." "I can guess sometimes," he laughed, "and that's because I've been out here for so many years. I've picked things up, but-.. We're not made for the outside and I've always known that. It's hard enough to fit in when people suddenly care about whether or not I can hear them, or if I can talk or-.. where I came from and what my gender might be." He shook his head, coming to sit down next to him, "That's why we try so hard with you. We know how hard it is to be thrown out here when we have no idea how to be people. You'll get there in your own time, just like we all are." "I don't want to get there," Blade insisted. "I want to belong to someone, take orders. When I'm not working for someone I'm just-.. nothing. It's all empty." "I know. And I'm happy to be that for you. Change can come in your own time; I'm just here to help you out." His hand rested on Blade's back again, stroking that same pattern against his spine and before he could even think about it Blade found himself relaxing a little more, leaning automatically into the nook under his arm. "How d'you do that?" he murmured, "Just make everything go away?" "Did you say something?" Oh. Fuck. He'd been so swept away in the calm and safety of Erik's hold that he'd forgotten to sign. Sucking in a breath, he almost repeated himself, but-.. no. He shook his head, content not to address any of the fuzzy confusion in his chest and just sit there, basking in the moment of peace in the silence.

[raphianna]

During the run of the show, the actor who played Lt. Tragg died. I am requesting a trio reacts to finding out Tragg is in the hospital, dying. Thanks!

… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow… I got an anonymous ask requesting the same thing a while back (still in my ask box tbh; sorry anon), but I couldn’t do it ._. I am well aware that Ray Collins died during filming, but still… anyway.

Under a read more since my reactions are like little stories, sorry .-.

Perry:

He’s quiet when Hamilton tells him, but the district attorney doesn’t hold it against him. Tragg has been around ever since Perry first set foot in his office, so for him to one day not be there…

He knew it was going to happen at some point. In fact, when Perry first met the lieutenant, he was surprised he wasn’t retired already. The man responded by saying he’d continue to do his job until he dropped. Well here they are.

The lawyer’s largely emotionless when he goes to see Tragg, but Tragg sees right through him.

Perry cries. He shamelessly, unabashedly, cries. Tragg even holds him as he does, and Perry doesn’t stop until his nose stings and his head throbs and his mouth is painfully dry.

He just about loses it when Tragg hands him his badge, telling him he can keep it.

Perry keeps it framed in his home and he doesn’t leave the hospital.

Della:

She’s at the hospital as soon as she can make it.

It was like being punched in the stomach, seeing him in that hospital bed. It felt so wrong to her. That wasn’t the man she knew.

Tragg, she discovers, doesn’t have any family left. Before it can make her feel any worse, he quickly amends his statement, saying he does still have an older brother who lives a couple states away. Though he’s too weak himself to come see him, he did send a few letters.

Della's heart warms at reading the exchanges between the two siblings.

“You really love each other, huh?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Tragg laughed, “saw him once not long before I tumbled. Wish I could’ve seen him more often, but I couldn’t get away from work easily. I’m thankful he understood.”

“Paul, Perry, and I can go see him after…” she trailed off at the implication. Her chest burned and the back of her throat felt heavy.

Tragg tells her he appreciates it, and he’s sure his brother will, too.

She can only nod, the pain in her stomach doubling, before she’s up and hugging him, trying not to get his shoulder wet (and failing).

It only worsens as Tragg’s arms tighten around her.

Paul:

What he would’t give to shoot rubber bands with Tragg in his office again. Under less tense circumstances anyway.

So that’s what Paul does. He brings a box of rubber bands to Tragg's hospital room, and they quietly shoot them across the room. Despite what would inevitably happen, it was less tense. Peaceful, even.

Tragg still has incredible aim and range despite his condition.

Paul feels heavy and hollow. He’s known Tragg for a long time, and he’s terrified of what will happen when he’s no longer there.

He trusts Andy, and has no doubt he’ll be a wonderful step-in for the old lieutenant, but still…

“I really don’t want you to go, Tragg…” He forces out, looking at the ground dejectedly. It feels so airy and weak when it leaves his lips, he isn’t sure if he was heard.

He feels a firm yet gentle squeeze on his arm and it breaks him. He leans on Tragg's hospital bed and starts sobbing. He can’t say anything else, and even if he could, he isn’t sure what.

[hausofmamadas]

| The sweet, sweet sounds of Dinarrón |

⁂

Pairing: Dinarrón (Dina Arellano Félix x David Barrón Corona)

For @narcosfandomdiscordNarcOctober - Day 30 - Day of Amnesty (originally Day 3 - Day of Music)

Prompt: Create and post a playlist for fic/wip of yours OR your favorite episode and explain why each song resonates for that fic/wip or episode

Word count: ≈ :yodib:

The playlist -> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DrO59HcsobbbmnVDEjLBX?si=3lcETYcXR6eDv-G_so1eBw

Since the playlist is over 100 songs, I couldn't go over every one and its place within the Dinarrón pantheon, so I decided to pick the most enduring, impactful ones and share some of the brain virus thought process and inspo for the as-of-yet unpublished Dinarrón saga whose page count will prob give War And Peace a run for its money if I can even manage to start releasing the thing to begin with:

⁂

Blue Jeans and Born to Die - Lana del Rey

Both of these songs are basically the madness that started it all so we all have problematic fav, Lana, to thank for the Dinarrón madness that’s taken my brain hostage and effectively turned me into a psy op for my otp whose sole purpose is to construct the world in which they plausibly exist and accumulate hapless converts to my cause Nothing lyrically especially screams Dinarrón so much as it is the vibes, although the “you fit me better than my favorite sweater and I know that love is mean, and love hurts. But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby, I will love you till the end of time. I would wait a million years. As long as you remember that you’re mine” of Blue Jeans definitely reflects their relationship dynamic or rather the one that exists in my head. Namely, the fact that they just innately get each other bc due to their shared like outsider/insider status albeit for diff reasons when it comes to the family business.

Better Version - Sabrina Claudio

So, I actually have @narcolini to thank for this life ruining song bc even though Lana was the introduction, this was the song that really solidified the madness. Like I don’t know that I would’ve continued writing for them, were it not for this song bc I shit you not, it could’ve been written for the Movie In My Head for a lush, slo-mo montage of their most tender moments, as Dina’s reminiscing on the good times while she’s actively planning her wedding to Claudio. Fíjate bien, mis compas:

More frequent visits would’ve been nice. But I don’t want you knowing that there’s somebody new. Sometimes the guilt will clog up my mind. But is it cheating if I love a better version of you? Cause he is perfect, everything I give him, he deserves it. Rarely does he ever come to see me. But any time he does, he makes it worth it, like I earned it. God, I love him. And when I’m with you, I can’t help myself but only think about him. I can’t wait to see him again. My god I miss him. And when I’m with you, I’m just thinking ‘bout how much I wish it was him. I can’t wait to see him again.

Granted, I don’t think Dina doesn’t love Claudio but she can’t help but still hold a candle for my boy, B. And she feeeeeels reaaaaaal extra fucking guilty any time she considers that Barrón might’ve been a better partner given the reality of the industry they’re in which she’ll find out the hard way. RIP to a homie, Claudio. Sosorry I have to keep your canon death in my Russian novel to further the goals of getting these two to bang it out and run off into the sunset together but you just didn’t shine quite like Our Boy at Christine’s, my dude. It’s okay, not everyone was made to be that cool under pressure sksks

lo que pasó - Nina Cobham

alright, so here's another life-ruining pick by @narcolini who tbh is like the co-compiler of this playlist I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that they've picked at least like 35% of the songs here and sent them to me for fevered, demented consumption sksks and I nearly fell to my knees the first time I heard it and DO YOU KNOW WHY????????? JUST A TAKE A GOTDAMN LOOK FOR YOURSELF:

Lo que pasó, ya no duele tanto Think that I can move on but I'm not sure ... what you want from me ... if you want from me Tú me has esperando tanto tiempo [You've waited for me for so long] Ya me tienes donde quieres [You have me where you want me] Y no te das cuenta [And you don't even realize]

in addition to,

Me dejas sin palabras. [You leave me speechless.] But what does it matter? If I told you how I'm feeling would you feel it too? I don't speak with so much fluency Words don't come so easily as they used to I think I got it but it's not it, and it throws me off You're a constant learning curve for me Pa' qué lo sabes How much, how much, could I make it any more obvious? ... Probably

I MEANNNNALSDKJF;ALKSJDFJ;AKJ can you think of another song that better captures Barrón's struggle to express himself in even the most casual, mundane situations and his tendency to compartmentalize his emotions in order to get through bc ew feelings, why would I ever deal with my trauma? are you mad? AND MANAGE TO DO THIS USING THE ALLEGORY OF ACHIEVING FLUENCY IN A LANGUAGE, IN THIS CASE BOTH THE SPANISH LANGUAGE AND THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE I'M GOING TO BE SICKDA;FLKSJD;FLAKJW;KLJ and it really just feeds into so many hcs I have in regards to their relationship like, 1) the whole fluency thing, the song's in both spanish and english, and they help each other improve in their respective languages as a way of bonding early on, 2) the tone of the song implies the object of interest/desire/heartache has the upper hand in the situation much like I think Dina would have the upper hand over Barrón bc she just would, 3) the whole "what/if you want from me" is justslkdjf;lskj saoooo0oooo Barrón, like he's not gonna act unless it's a sure thing, and at this point in the relationship despite the fact that all signs point to -> yes, you may, in fact, roll again, pass go, collect $200 dollars, she's crazy about you, hombre, do we need to hit you over the head with it for you to see he's second guessing whether Dina reciprocates Big Feelings Of Lust Love bc the class difference is so vast and he doesn't realize how actually Hot Shit he is, so he thinks it's literally insane to entertain the notion that Dina might very sensibly and understandably want to climb him like a jungle gym and any time he's close to giving way to hope and maybe broaching the topic with her, he clams back up and continues the cycle of self-inflicted torture like the good blorb he is

Cielo - Los York's

Aight, so the lyrics are sweet and romantic in a way that applies to most pairings, which means they don't speak to the Dinarrón Dynamic as much, but this song would be period-appropriate for the show and I just feel like Ramón insisted on there being a boombox in the office despite passionate protests by Mín, and everyone else who isn't filled to the brim with general anxiety and mild panic outvoted him, so now they have a boombox that's playing any time someone's there doing work. And this seems like something one of them would've played while working together at the warehouse.

Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

This is a bit of a weird one? I guess it's less them and more Dina's POV about them. It's also contemporary the show and here's no way Dina's not into Kate Bush. I refuse to believe it. The best way I can explain why this made it on the playlist is by describing the scene in my head when I listen to it: Dina's standing at a window, looking out at the backyard of the Arellano house, contemplating the meaning of life. It's a rare cloudy day in TJ. She's newly engaged to Claudio (think early S3 long hair Dina but this would be set before S3 starts), Barrón has cried weeeweewee all the way back to the Imperial Desert to escape the crippling heartbreak of seeing her every day, knowing they'll never be together 'cause she's marrying an Actually Decent, If Not Boiler Plate dude with more status and money than he'll ever have train his dudes in the ways of paramilitary tactics, and their last convo ended somewhat tensely with him pointing out that in order to marry this guy, she'll probably have to give up any ambitions of serving the family biz in the way she always wanted bc of blahblahblah murrhsdlkjfs gEnDeR rOLeS. And right now, she's finding herself missing Barrón, wondering where he is, resenting herself for missing him and wondering where he is, resenting him for being right about giving up her ambitions, scared that him being right is going to make her resent Claudio over time and ruin their marriage, and just overall wishing he were there so she could make him understan, and what if the only way to do that is to switch places a la:

It doesn't hurt me Do you wanna feel how it feels? Do you wanna know, wanna know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? You, it's you and me. And if I only could, I'd make a deal with God and get Him to swap our places. Be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building.

Like^^ all that is going through her mind, staring out the window. How can she make him understand? and lowkey realizing the only way might be for them to Freaky Friday that shit skskjdlkj

You don't wanna hurt me. But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder. Oh, there is thunder in our hearts. Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me we both matter, don't we? You, it's you and me. It's you and me, you won't be unhappy. Come on baby, come on darling. Let me steal this moment from you now. Come on angel, come on, come on darling. Let's exchange the experience, oh.

^^ this part slaps particularly hard for the "Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Tell me we both matter" bc Dina gets that poor Davidito is having a rough time. It hurts her to hurt him this way, but she's also a bit, "Can you not find it in your heart not to hate/be mad at me? It's not like I didn't think about this decision entensively and arrive at the conclusion that sacrificing my professional goals is worth it to further the goals of teh family and I do forrealsies love this guy. Like damn, can a woman get a break pls. also pls don't hate me cuzIstillloveyoukbye"

El Muerto - Los Muchachos

god, I could write an actual fucking PhD dissertation on why this song is emblematic of my boy but this is alreayd long asf so I'll just break it down like this.

Mi gente la espalda me cuida [(I know) my people got my back] En cualquier misión suicida [on any suicide mission] Que todos con todos lo que ando son soldados [That all those I roll with are soldiers] Un hermano está en la fría, [A brother out in the cold] Otro hermano ya está arriba [another already above] Y lo que quiero es tenerlo aquí por mi lado [All I want is him here by my side] Pa' fumarnos un cigarro de maría [to smoke a joint] Como antes lo que hacíamos [like we used to do] Cuando la vida no era tan complicada [back when life wasn't so complicated]

Obviously, color me inconsolable bc of the brother references and how well it lines up with Bugsy, out in the cold (in prison for life) and Matteo, already upstairs (BC THEY KILT MY BABY BOI DEAD) but it all began with the opening lines aka clearly Barrón's sentiments upon hearing of Dina's engagement, "Pensaban que estaba muerto pero solo andaba de parranda. Sí me fui de la ciudad fue para curar mi dolor interno" which like.... so, maybe he doesn't actually flee Tijuana without telling anyone, is gone long enough for the Arellanos to wonder if he didn't somehow get himself killed, and turn out to really just be on a bender bc he needed to escape the deep anguish and personal devastation of losing his lady love ... but that doesn't mean he didn't consider it as an option very, very seriously

Killing Me - Omar Apollo

Another @narcolini pick, and this one has it all when it comes to Barrón internal strife and turmoil: questioning his sanity for being in the Business of Crimes, thinking bout how Dina's prob the only person he feels comfortable revealing himself to in any capacity except Bugsy, thinking about how that gives her way too much power over him and is tehrefore fucking terrifying, and daydreaming of making sweet, sweet love to the Woman of His Dreams. For your consideration:

There ain't nobody but us. Love me like I'm gonna die. Fuck me like you fantasize. Touch me like you know you provide to, ain't one to lie to, just wanna slide through, oh What I do makes me if I wonder if I'm alright Holding back feelings like it's the end of my life That's right, you're killing me

Lejos de Ti - Julio Jaramillo

Tbh I can't remember if I actually got this from the OG soundtrack but this is another one that is pretty self explanatory and is highly not!anachronistic. There's a few other songs on my list that rank as contenders for whatever would play in the end credits of the Dinarrón movie that's constantly playing on repeat in a projector in my brain, but this is the first one or maybe it'd be the end credits of an episode of an HBO miniseries? idk. what you guys think

Call Me In the Day - La Luz

Uhhhhhh, I can't even begin to unpack how close this song is to my heart in the Dinarrón pantheon, except to say that if I were to film the warehouse makeout scene that I wrote in Always Short to the Gate, this would be playing over it. Also, Léo RIP to a baddie dancing with Teresa in the Bolivia episode of Queen of the South polluted my mind and the sexy made it's way to Dinarrón so really, I can accept exactly no credit here

NO HAY LAY - Kali Uchis

GODDDLSKDJF;LSKJD;LKAJ okay, this is another song that inspired an elaborate scenelet in my head, which takes place after they get together but before the brothers are aware of it, so they're keeping the relationship under wraps. And as a result, this song is playing while they're getting freaky on the dancefloor yes I have a thing with dancing and these two and I have no answers or explanations except that imsorryforeverything of some trendy nightlclub that the Arellanos don't own that's like 100 miles away from TJ that they escaped off to, so they could be an real couple aka all googly eyed and loveydovey in the open. It's basically their version of date-night that's gotta be date-night on the DL bc they're both scared that if the brothers knew about it, Ramón would cut Barrón's face off and wear it to his birthday party, at the behest of Mín who is decidedly Not B's Biggest Fan at this point in the story.

If it feels so right why say it's wrong, I know you ain't had enough Sabes que yo soy la única [You know I'm the only one] que puede hacerte cosas mágicas [who can do magical things to you] Hey, en el amor no hay ley [In love there is no law] Y deja que nos miren si quieren [And let them see what they want] No matter what we do, no matter what they sayNo importa lo que digan [I don't care what they say] Yo te besaré otra vez, otra vez, otra vez [I'm gonna kiss you again, and again, and again] Bésame otra vez [Kiss me again]

For Your Precious Love - Otis Redding

I meannnnnn this legend speaks for himself, I feel like I shouldn't have to explain anything other than, pretend they got married and this is the song of their first dance and try not to throw yourself on the floor, screaming and crying. You can't

DNA - Tabi

This is more a Dina one, than a Dinarrón one, that feels like what her internal dialogue might be if she either fell out of love with Claudio after being married for some time, or began to resent him and the marriage and her having to give up her place in the AFO to play dutiful wife to someone in the public eye, or both? Like it's essentially her trying to force herself to be happy playing a role she didn't really ask for, and then eventually recognizing her independence will always be a priority to her and affirming her own need for autonomy is not something she's going to be able to suppress, no matter how hard she tries, that's just how she is and that's exactly why we love her

DNA, I don't need anybody DNA, sometimes I wish that I could change my ways I wanna need you, but I, I wanna need you, but I It's just my DNA

Banquetera - West Gold with Simpson Ahuevo

This one's mostly for the homies, specifically Barrón's homies Chato and Ziggy. The song itself is contemporary, but honestly, if we were going for period accuracy and this was in the Dinarrón Double Feature soundtrack, I would never know it was anachronistic. Like shit is right at home next to Tupac and Easy E, y'know

corazón caramelo - November Ultra

good GODDAMN okay, another @narcolini choice, that actually made me cry sksldkjfskldjflsk not just bc of the clear Dinarrón parallels but also due to Just General Life Heartache, Suffering, and Existential Dread and the LongSTanding Recovery from My Divorce That Yes, Happened 2 Years Ago But Still Hits Sometimes and is one you, dear Reader all 2 of you should listen to for the fucking out-of-this-world, actually-unreal vocal performance by November Ultra that really hammers home these actually-unreal lyrics:

Un amor como el primero [A love like the first] Pero que dure hasta el final [But lasts until the end] Mi alma es tuya, bájala de la cruz [My soul is yours, take it down from the cross] Si yo soy luna, tú eres el sol que me da luz [If I am the moon, you are the son that gives me light]

Ídolo - Adrian Quesada with Angélica Garcia

Another contender for a closing credits song and- y'know all these closing credits songs are so good, maybe I should just settle on this being a miniseries and not just a movie. We'll see what Netflix execs have to say on the matter when I inevitably write this script and clearly shop it to all the big streaming platforms and tv networks and everyone is fighting each other, full Spy vs Spy, to produce this award-win- er okay, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, here. There's something about the organ that makes this feel period-appropriate, despite it being a modern song, and I can just see all the pickup shots of San Diego and Tijuana, before it cuts to Dina and Barrón driving in some classic car, top down bc it's a convertible obvio, and quite litrally riding off into the desert-framed sunset. I mean,

En mis horas turbulentas solo oigo tu voz [In troubled hours I only hear your voice] Embrujada con potencia que hemos probado los dos [Bewitched with power we have both shared] Sombra tan bella [Shadow so beautiful] Que cobra mi voluntad pa' conocerlo [It steals my will not to know you] Ídolo, mi ídolo [Idol, my idol] Me robaste la cordura [You rob me of my sanity]

1994 - United Freedom Collective ft. Jordan Stephens

In order to fend off the doubling over in pain that I always do when I think about what this song means to Dinarrón for any length of time, I'll just say, this is how Matty feels thinking about Barrón, and how Barrón feels about Bugsy and none of it works out the way they want it to

When I look at my little brother, I feel an awful urge to smother him I wanna bubble wrap his organs Stick styrofoam in his pity Funnel sunlight into his solar plexus Turn every fall into a ball pit But I know that one day that little scooter's gonna turn into desire And much like what I just witnessed, he'll be unable to break He'll break and I'll have to watch salt crystallize on his cheeks knowing it'll have more value than any cushion I've sown myself I dream of a version of him in the future Tumbling around rock bottom, stranded there in the deep Maroons and wounds he can't touch A bruise has got its own life Every wound is in arrears It hurts and it hurts, then it disappears

Corderio De Nanã - Os Tincoãs & Sukiyaki - Kyu Sakamoto

Bc this Russian novel/Movie/Show In My Head is actually more of a Barrón biopic since I've hijacked him and essentially acted like the man's my OC instead of someone who was on the show skskjsk and in this Barrón biopic, there's a part where he lives in Hawaii briefly bc his Garbage!Father is in the navy and gets stationed there for a little while. And despite the fact that Kyu Sakamoto is Japanese and Os Tincoãs is Brazilian and not remotely Pacific Islander in any way, let alone Hawaiian one or both of these are 1000% going to be playing over a montage of Matteo, Barrón, and Bugsy riding their bikes on the beach and just generally adventuring around the island, as three brothers should. It's pre-gang initiation for Matteo, so it's them at their purest, most undiluted little kid selves Barrón looks back on this time so fondly he actually refuses to think about it bc the nostalgia is physically painful. Also, both songs are pretty cheerful and breezy sounding but can't speak to the lyrics bc the first I'm p sure is in Portuguese and the second is in Japanese so they could be all doom and gloom and I just have no idea ksksks

Cerca De Ti - Hermanos Gutiérrez

Once again, I'll refrain from going full Charlie Kelly/Pepe Silva on everyone here, but what I can say is just.... just picture, Dina and Barrón, at the beach, at night, they decide to go swimming naked in the ocean under the light of the full moon. I'll let you fill in the rest sdlkfjskd

Sage Motel - Monophonics ft. Kelly Finnigan

The final (I think?) contender for the closing credits song. Tbh this song just oozes sexy in a throwback way, in the same vein as like a Smokey Robinson or a Sam Cooke, and would be right at home in a Scorsese movie, which makes it more than qualified to feature in the end credits of the Movie-In-My-Head that will probnever happen lbr, like I'll be lucky if I even post 1/3 of what I've written skdjksjd

Over-the-Ocean Call - Lizzy McAlpine

Go ahead and throw this one on and imagine Dina calling Barrón while he's doing this paramilitary cry-fest training in the desert pretending he's not sobbing into his cheerios every morning Dina doesn't exist, and she needs to, idk, talk about some wedding details or something, maybe coordinate where he's gonna be during the ceremony and whatnot bc he's head security so poor mf's like contractually obligated to be there skskksjdkj and this sentiment is exactly where Dina's at. Throw this shit on and think about that not-at-all angsty scenario bc that's what @narcolini did before sending it to me, for me to turn around immediately and do the exact same thing. I mean, c'mon.

And you hate the things I do and sometimes you hate me But I think my mind is far away, sorta strange, this is But I think I'll call you anyway Call collect 'Cause baby this is, an over-the-ocean call And I thought I could make it short But my brain's all outta sorts, I can't hide it I'm staring at the my wall and I thought that I wouldn't cry But breaking your heart breaks mine I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine I'll call from over the ocean This time, this time, this time I'll break your heart through the phone With an over-the-ocean call Is how I told him, this isn't working anymore

You Make Your Own Heaven And Hell - The Temptations

Now, I have quite a few end credits songs, but this is the only opening credits song bc the little scenelet in my head with this song is just so perfect, idk if I could find a better way to start. It'd be similar to that asslong shot at the beginning of Jackie Brown that's literally just Jackie (played by the iconic Pam Grier and honestly, even if you don't like Tarantino, you should watch Jackie Brown for Madame Grier alone bc she's incredible) on the little conveyer belt in the airport (she's a flight attendant) trying to make it to her next flight. I think I'd do something like that with a few pickup shots right before of Logan Heights and San Diego, to introduce the neighborhood, like where B grew up. Not only is the song perfect vibes-wise, but the lyrics are so perfectly aligned to what I've essentially sksks decided are Barrón's beliefs about making money and what it takes to get by and be successful in America (and later, Mexico, ofc) and his general philosophy on being a criminalsksk

Time passes and your values change Life becomes a strange, confusing game Suddenly, you want the finer things in life But you find it takes lots of hard work and sacrifice Now you're standing at the crossroads of life To satisfy your personal wants, will you do wrong or will you do right? Life is a giant, invisible scale with two sides: good and bad You and your beliefs are the weights The things you do each day determine the balance Your conscience is a flawless judge and jury, and the only question is what do you want? I'm tellin' you the natural facts, for what it's worth You make your own heaven and hell, right here on Earth

we've been loving in silence - MARO

So, if we were to continue the Stealing-Away-Into-the-Night scenario that I proposed above for Kali Uchi's No Hay Ley, and fast forward to Barrón and Dina in some random roadside, pay-by-the-hour motel room waking up next to each other. Dawn's barely broken, Dina's laying on her stomach, and Barrón's on his side, facing her, tracing the liines of her shoulder blades with his fingertips ......, and I'm dying, and I'm dead, and I'm typing this from beyondthe grave rn, I actaully cannot continue to soldier on, so I'll just leave you with that and this:

Oh, we've been here for a while Haven't seen the sun come out Oh, we've been loving in silence, drawing with our bodies Oh, I feel like running again, yeah, I feel like running again Oh, I wanna do it again, yeah, I wanna do it again Every crooked line in your back feels like part of me Your story's in my fingers, you'll never wash away Oh, we've found some secret smiles Haven't heard the rain come down Oh, we've been loving in silence, talking with our bodies

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taglist: @narcosfandomdiscord @narcolini @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc @artemiseamoon

[6eetle]

Quickie thing i'm gonna blog about today teehee

it gets a little personal so if you dont wanna see allat i'll just put it under the cut

So like, this has been something that's been on my mind the past few weeks just as a floating concept in my mind. But today, my mom was looking at me try on a new coat. She asked me to come closer so she could examine it better so yk, i did, but then her attention drew to my face. She placed her hand on my cheek and when i looked at her she had a look of like?? absolute concern? Bewilderment, even! Why? Facial hair. Not enough to be considered a beard or anything but enough to be noticeable. She was all like "is that your hair?" (as in my actual head hair) and i was like..no? its like she didnt wanna believe it. No way! your DAUGHTER whos a GIRL has MAN hormones running through HER body! SHE isn't supposed to have FACIAL HAIR!

And I mean, technically I shouldn't have facial hair. I only have it because of PCOS. But then I think back to everything and the several cycles of denial, self-consciousness, confusion, and all the negative things I've thought about regarding the way that I am. The way my body works. And at some point I sorta just. Broke that cycle? I mean, it's still insanely difficult to accept sometimes when you pass as a woman to everyone on the outside but the INSTANT they see little ol me with some thick sideburns they get a worrisome look. Almost like they pity me! I've been told so many goddamn times as of recent years.. "Ness, you don't look like a woman! :(" "Ness! Here's some tips on how to shave!" My whole family looks at me like it's some horrible disease and that I just live in total absolute misery with a little extra hair lmao. I've even had a little kid come up to me and ask "do you have a beard?" and then it just felt like the whole room had eyes on me. But one thing I've noticed about it all is that I don't really care..? Heck, I even like it a little! But because of my own family always giving me weird looks for embracing something that's a normal bodily function by nature I feel insecure about it anyway. Not for myself, but for others. Because fuck dude!! maybe they're right! I don't pass as a woman! I mean I'm not a woman to myself, I identify as nonbinary with maybe a little bit of femininity in the mix, but that doesn't matter because they don't like it. because they think it's unnatural and is a problem that has to be treated.

And it's like. Idk man i'm so sick of being pitied and treated like some poor soul who doesn't know how to take care of themself. What I do with my body is my business. Why does it concern you??? Why do people always look at me and are so fucking put off by that small little feature about me? Always cherry-picking what should and shouldn't happen with my development. I didn't choose to grow the hair, I chose to keep it. And I'm going to continue to keep it because at the end of the day I've accepted it's a part of me. And it's super fucked that they only see me as some anomaly rather than a being who can, like everyone else, develop parts of them that are natural in a biological sense, but not natural to gender roles, beauty standards or whatever. Traits that are "ugly". It's super disappointing. Like yeah I'm beautiful until I start growing a beard or something i guess

This isn't necessarily a vent post I would say. In fact, I want to be positive about it! Because I really wanna emphasize the idea that no one should be in charge of the way you look, or the way you decide to love your body. Despite what's "wrong" with me, I'm totally fine, because i allow myself to be. Life is so much more peaceful when you don't got a bitch in your ear telling you things you already know!!!! Telling you to shave and look more lady-like!!! I think I'm winning tbh :3 Oh I don't look like a perfect soft-to-the-touch skin "not a hair in sight" girl? Sexcellent.