#i really really wanted to make one other character that the band hype actually killed my mood for USBAJHDJSHR

[deathdxnces]

my toxic trait is constantly wanting to pick up new muses

[callooopie]

Modern!Davos Blackwood headcannons (pt. 2)

— The hastily written during work break edition —

I get messages from the stars, when you’re making love to me — Messages From the Stars // The Rah Band

i go to college to get more knowledge but why does college interfere with my tumblr writing 😔 I’m not even at school yet and I’ve gotta start kicking into academic gear..

In light of some recent episode developments. I think I’ll rescind the headcannon that his name is Benjicot Davos. It’s just Davos now. (Lowkey… I thought HBO would just honestly write out the character of Benjicot… I was apparently wrong when they just mentioned him ig) anyways new headcannon Davos has a little brother, surprise. Ben’s gotta learn unhinged behavior from somewhere after all.. and what better way to start than with his “cool” older brother.

You know that text post that goes like “Have you ever argued with your girlfriend?” “Nope. She tells me to shut up and I do.” That was actually a text convo between Davos and his friend. He’s dumb, but not stupid. If you tell him to do something he’s doing it (as long as it’s legal… then again he’s really not the type to listen to the law)

He likes slow and domestic mornings. Getting up late, brushing your teeth together. He’ll flick water at you as you’re brushing your hair or doing your skincare routine with the most dopey and tired smile. He knows he’s won when you stop what you’re doing to stare at him with an unamused look. He washes his face like a lunatic though (both hands just furiously rubbing his face with little to no product). He’ll make the coffee and you turn on the tv. Pure silence except for the background noise of a news channel or show. Don’t even get him started on the part where you both fall back asleep on the couch as the sun rises and sunlight funnels in through the curtains. Pure bliss.

He LOVES girls night. How did he get an invite? He didn’t! But he’s quiet and normal, so he gets the girls night pass. It could be just you, or a few friends, even a group. But Davos will be there using the face masks, eating the finger food, drinking the fancy drinks. His girls night pass gets revoked though because he does not pay attention to the talk. He’s too busy devouring the charcuterie board to care about drama! …oh that’s the whole point of girls night? Oh… “Oh—and we like her right? …she’s problematic? …So we hate her? Oh… okay yeah she sounded weird—“

“Unique” pet names. There’s always the classics (love, darling, cutie, honey) but he’s got a few under his belt that turn heads, in a bad way maybe. He starts off pretty tame, he uses “my lady” a lot (chivalry-pilled). “Ma’am” too. “My lady” has a chance to devolve into “my liege” :/ Davos calls you pookie and you call him pookie back. You’re both pookie what can I say (sometimes uses the shortened ‘pooks’). Every single pet name he uses must have ‘my’ in front of it. “Do you want to get that pizza from that one place, my lady? Yeah? Okay—No I can pay don’t worry about it, my lovely.”

If you’re not a gamer, but you like to play in both casual and competitive games with him. The only reason you’re having a pretty good game in a competitive game is because Davos is fighting for his life to give you guys the W. Sometimes you’re a little lost, sometimes you clutch up. But usually it’s him, keyboard furiously clicking, eyes darting around his monitor. His face is literally in the monitor he’s so locked in. And you’re just in the call like (“Aw dang it I died.. woww you make it look so easy!”) “Me? No you’re doing work too—look at all those assists and kills you got. You’re pulling your weight too. You get ‘em low I clean up. It’s these other fuckers on our team that aren’t—“ (he went 30/14/5 and you went 10/21/16)

Regardless of your skills in video games, he gets so hype for you in them. Casual or competitive, he’s screaming about every single achievement you or you both make. A clutch round you win all by yourself? GG EZ TELL EM TO GO NEXT THEY DON’T WANT YOUR SMOKE. You build something in your shared Minecraft world? Stunning, beautiful. The architecture is to die for. The redstone? You did that all yourself? He would’ve thought you followed a tutorial it was so good!

Can eat, will eat. He’s a big strong boy, he’s gotta eat. Which means if you ask for Taco Bell or McDonald’s at 2 am? He’s gonna get some with you! You can honestly just text him an order and he’ll understand right away. This turns into you both driving around late at night, music blasting and you feeding him fries. Speaking of food; he’s a heavy believer in the ‘boyfriend tax’. He will steal a sip of your drink or a bite of your food, regardless of consequences.

I do believe Davos is sassy. It’s like dangerous levels of sass he gives you sometimes. It makes you do a double take. Side-eyes, eye rolls, scoffs, dramatic sighs. He is a drama queen.

How he deals with others who bother you in public can range between normal and not normal. Davos has a few options that run through his mind when you encounter a catcaller or unwanted advances. He can either tell the guy to fuck off, start a fight, start barking at him. He will bark, he has barked. It startled you more than the offending guy. But also Davos knows when to get serious, when to actually deal with someone who’s invading your space or not leaving you alone. He’s a tall dude, he works out. He can be pretty imposing. And he’s not afraid to be the first one to hit or push, especially if the offending man has gotten on his nerves too. And not just because they were trying to flirt or shoot a shot at you.

A big aquarium date guy. Or any date really. Actually, any way he can hang out or be near you is considered a date to him and something that makes his day much better. He likes spending time with you, and he likes showing you off to the public. He gets to walk next to you and say “that’s my date! They’re on a date with me!” It’s perhaps the best part of the whole day, being able to be seen right with you. Even if you’re just a passing couple, two people in the midst of a whole crowd, it’s still something to Davos. And that something tells everyone that you’re his.

[fallen-mario-bros-au]

Aight just a warning I'm pretty new to Tumblr and I'm DEFINITELY new to making AUs so I'm pretty nervous to post anything here but I figured I'd just rip the band-aid off.

FIRST POST HYPE!! :D

Anyways I love Mario and I love Undertale and I NEEDED TO COMBINE THEM LEGALLY so I decided to make an au about it! Dunno if I'm actually going to do anything serious with this, I mostly just want to imagine cute shenanigans with my favorite characters and whatnot, but who knows? Maybe I'll actually try to give this a proper plot

So here's the basic info:

- Mario and Luigi, in the midst of trying to chase down Bowser, who has just kidnapped the princess again, somehow wind up far away from the Mushroom Kingdom and on Mt. Ebott. Where, of course, they fall into the underground.

- All the monsters are pretty much their canon counterparts (at least, my best interpretation of them 💀)

- Mario ends up discovering he has the power to reset/load/save/etc, but Luigi does not. This is because Mario has the most determination to get out of here and save the princess

- Toriel isn't quite as overprotective of them as she would be if they were a literal child like Frisk, but she is still very motherly towards them because it's just kinda who she is. She would probably be concerned about them potentially attacking the monsters so she might make them promise not to hurt anyone. I still don't think she would want them to leave because Asgore would take their souls

- Honestly mostly this is just an excuse for the Mario Bros and the Skelebros to hang out XD

- the thing that is really interesting is that Mario and Luigi are not 1, but 2 humans, which means only one of their souls would be needed to break the barrier. This ends up becoming a real issue but I could see it being resolved in a few ways.

1. one of the bros self sacrifices so the underground goes free (much to the dismay of the other, and also my heart would break haha)

2. They decide to just stay in the underground instead of going home (but they would be pretty sad about it because oh no their kingdom is still in danger

3. ??? IDK tbh

- Since Mario can load saves, he's just constantly in this angsty cycle of trying to keep his bro from getting killed off ;;

- Not sure if Mario could keep the resets secret for long since Flowey would taunt them about it, but he definitely would be pretty closed off about it, especially to Luigi. He does NOT want Luigi to know about the horrible things he's seen

-ofc cut to Luigi being confused as heck as to why Mario seems to already know what's going to happen.

- they have cute sweaters because I said so

- not sure how omega fight would work, but either way Mario would have to fight to save both of them (probably all by himself :c)

- I want them to eventually do true pacifist but IDK how it would work so I'm not gonna think about it too hard rn

- Mario and Undyne having a friendly rivalry about who's the most heroic

- sans trying to convince them they could just stay in the underground and they're like "no we have to save the tiny mushroom people" and he's like "ur just like my bro fr"

- monster speculation about the purpose of mustaches

- It would be kinda funny if they had the firebrand and thunderhand since... Like... Humans aren't supposed to be able to do magic

- "are you sure you're humans? You're so small"

- *confused Italian noises*

Also here's some assorted doodles (I know the quality sucks 😭)

[thesullengrrrl]

tbosas thoughts lol

it's been a while since i consumed anything related to the hunger games. i remember borrowing the books from the university library and enjoying them very much, especially the first one! at the time, i never thought a book could feel like a mini series unfolding before me. cliffhangers were the best parts in every chapter.

i wasn't really hyped with this because i was looking forward more on saltburn, poor things, wonka and the like (which would probably be released here next year). fast forward to last saturday and i met up with a friend to watch it. i have a vague idea on what the film is about (it's about coriolanus snow and lucy gray baird that's it lol) but i'm glad i went in semi-blindly. i didn't read the book!

the length. i saw the actual book and i'm surprised they didn't chop it into two parts like its predecessors (hp, breaking dawn, etc). i'm glad about that because franchises can be so blatantly cash grabs these days. it was divided into three parts which was a little surprising since i have not watching something like that in a YA film (let me know if there are other YA that has done this). was it written in three parts in the book as well? the film was almost 3 hours long and we were glued to our seats. no breaks!

the acting. it's my first time seeing rachel zegler act and miss ma'am ate it up. i even forgot why the internet was angry at her. that singing scene when she was reaped? EAT YOUR HEART OUT, CAPITOL! tbh her singing made me feel a little little cringe but heyyyyyyy what do i know? the internet says it's part of lucy's character (she's part of a band for pete's sake, self!) she sings well and i hope i can hear her more in the future.

it's obvious how viola davis is enjoying her role and love that for her!!

peter dinklage gave us dystopian dr. gregory house (compliment) (morphling, vicodin...) and that picture of him with the rubber chicken. work.

my white boy of the month, tom blyth. chef's kiss. that man ate up his blond wigs and buzzcut and i never thought i'll have a crush on a blond man again after matthew crawley. his performance as snow made me feel what god intended: make me feel safe then push me from that beam-- snow landing on top of me with (my) blood on his hands.

sejanus...well, first of all, why suzanne? why the name? janus could've been fine already. (what's with names ending with anus!) we love our human rights king! josh andres rivera's take on sejanus is a breath of fresh air in the middle of capitol's cruelty and nonchalance to it. the anger that he gave to the character would make you wish for a better future for panem's children.

lucky flickerman. jason schwartzman did not hear "cut!" he heard "cunt!" and he gave us that. "smile. that's why we have teeth" is an instant classic for me. i could watch an entire compilation of his scenes on youtube for a whole day and not get bored.

last but not the least, hunter schafer as tigris? i totally get now why tigris smiled at the idea of katniss killing snow in mockingjay. you fed the boy, you dress the boy, and he fires you? fuck off, snow! snow melts anyway!

the costumes. it has a mixture of the elements of turn of the century america. influences from the 30s-50s are evident to the costumes and i love it. very different from the costumes in the hunger games trilogy. it added to the sense of separation from the earlier films. why is dean highbottom dressed like a monk? that ombre lab gown and docs of dr gaul? looooove. it looks so comfy and chic. snow's academy uniform? he looks so uwu baby girl cherub you can't do anything wrong you are an angel you look so trustworthy uwu bb

i enjoyed the movie. i had fun! the battle sequences made us hide behind our hands because it was brutal! we swooned on snowbaird moments and we laughed and we screamed. i'm so glad i watched it with my friend whom i haven't seen in a long time.

to be honest, i wanted to savor the story and characters more. i would have preferred it to be a mini series. i like little moments from books to be on screen and i've read that the film missed some of it (understandable). i might pick up the book if i chance upon a paperback copy. i'd like to know more about snow's inner thoughts since it was not shown in the movies.

with theories, mine is this: lucy gray escaped and lived somewhere outside panem, if such place exists in this universe. maybe a south america counterpart lol. then she went back as an old woman and lived as greasy sae. lucy and coryo did love each other but only for a brief period of time. they both needed each other at the time. that bonds people. however, maybe they prioritized survival over their emotions. lucy wants to live freely with her music and nature and the covey. coriolanus wanted money, power, and glory. probably coryo didn't realize her long lasting effect on him until he was old lol. she haunted him until his death and...that's good. he deserved it.

thank you suzanne collins for writing this and thank you to the cast and crew who breathed this book to life.

ps. if i missed some context or whatnot in the story or the characters i'm sorry, i haven't read the book yet. :-)

[jackharl0w0]

I would like to request something about staying over at jacks house for the first time

gonna kill two birds with one imagine💀

The first time

jack harlow x reader

warnings: suggested smut, mentions of sex

jack would do everything in his power to make you comfortable when you’re staying at his home for the first time. sex wasn’t even on the table when the idea for you to spend the night occurred. jack just wanted to officiate your fairly recent relationship and let you into his vulnerable space.

jack had been hyping up your little sleepover for about a week now. not gonna lie you were anxious but mostly excited. jack was one of your first real relationships where you actually got to the point of spending the night. it was finally the day of and you were packed and prepped everywhere on your body. you and jack never agreed upon sex while you were spending the night but you exhausted all possibilities and prepared yourself anyway. now you were in no way a virgin but the idea of being with jack in that way turned your stomach into knots. you really liked jack and he was also the first guy you took things this slow with. which was surprisingly great. and you were confident that jack truly cared and respected you.

you were at his door and up until now it felt like you were floating and just so happened to find your way to his place. you texted him that you were outside and within a few seconds the door flew open. he enveloped you into a hug, carrying you through the threshold.

“hi my love” you laughed as he set you down and gave you a kiss. “hey” he said swiping his thumb over your cheek, looking into your eyes. he gave you one more kiss and then skipped over to his porch to get your grey duffel bag. he sat you bag on his table by the door. and immediately prompted to give you a tour.

“c’mere let me show you to your future kitchen.” rolling your eyes and laughing, he grabs your hand dragging you all over the house showing you all of the rooms and every item that he thinks will have even the slightest importance to you. he was so cute being the best little host. he let you know that the last stop would be his bedroom. he quickly disappeared leaving you behind but he came back with your bag and then led you to his room. his room was want you expected with a huge bed in the middle of the side wall. he set your bag on the bed and showed you the bathroom also. the tour was over and now it was time to get cozy.

you were already wearing comfy clothes and since it was pretty early you weren’t ready to take a shower and put pajamas on. instead jack ordered some food and put on a movie. you guys ate and eventually started talking over the movie. winding each other up talking about characters and debating which one was in the right or wrong. the banter was there and at complete lack of a dull moment. the movie was over and you had an idea.

“ooohh i brought face masks, i totally forgot” you sat up on your knees. you grabbed his hand and lifted him off the couch to his room. jack loved that you already knew exactly where to go. you got your bag, bringing it to his bathroom. “wash your face right quick” you said. he laughed and did everything you told him to do. he got a towel for the both of you.

you put on the head band that you had brought. you sat on jack’s counter and pulled him in between your legs and let him choose his headband. you slide it over his hairline and ran your hands down his chest. you looked at him and smiled “you’re so cute” you say kissing his lips. “okay now which one?” you question pulling out 3 different face masks. he picked the green tea detox one. so you got the applicator and started applying it to his face. you and him giggled and small talked about whatever. exchanging kisses and touches. you were pretty slow to finish your application.

“all done? he asked kissing you yet again being careful not to mess up the mask. “mhm” you sighed as he lifted you off the counter. now it was your turn. you turned towards the mirror to do you own. “can i try to do it for you?” jack quickly asked. you were kind of surprised. “yeah of course” you smiled. you picked the dead sea anti- stress mask. this time jack getting on the shellac surface. you got between his legs, letting him apply the mask to your face. he was done and of course you had to take some pictures. it had been like 20 mins and you both washed the masks off.

by this time it was around 10, you weren’t really tired but you wanted to get ready for bed. you took your shower as jack stayed in the bathroom to prep for bed also. jack was brushing his teeth in the mirror, he could see your smooth silhouette through the patterned shower glass. “babe can you hand me a towel” you asked breaking his sinful thoughts. “yeah baby” he dazily said handing the towel over the glass. you took the towel and dried off. you walked out clad in his fluffy towel. you walked over to him “you next?” you smirked looking at his lips. “i guess i’ll take one too” he said grabbing your waist then trailing his hands to your ass. you instinctively hummed. jack was progressively getting hard but he did not want you to think that sex was his goal. so he kissed your head then peeled you off of him. “go get dressed ill be right out” he said slapping your ass on the way out. you closed the door on your way out. you could hear the shower turn on.

jack adjusted himself, feeling the pain growing in his joggers. he palmed his dick through his boxer but quickly stopped. he couldn’t be around you for a few hours without getting turned on he thought.

unaware of jack’s inner conflict you put lotion all over your body, slipped on your matching underwear and put on your silky tank top and shorts set. you then removed all of your stuff from the bed and climbed onto the thick duvet, laying on you stomach. you turned on the tv and clicked through netflix. jack had just finished with his shower and walked out of the bathroom. he dried off and slipped into another pair of joggers and one of his infamous fitted white t shirts.

you were watching the whole time. he caught your gaze then stalked over to the bed, you saw him coming and sat up on your knees. “mmm you look so good” he said in a suede tone, his eyes scanning all over your body. he got on the bed, pushing you on your back, hugging you tight, you hugged him too and wrapped you legs around his waist. this went on for a good 3 minutes. you rolled over so you were now straddling him. while his head was on one of the many pillows on the bed. luckily jack’s boner had softened during his shower but with your core rubbing against him and your frequent kisses, that relief would not last long.

you continued grinding on him until you could physically feel him under you. you smiled. “i want you now” you said against his lips. jack was pulled out of his trance. “for real?.. we don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to, i don’t want to make you feel pressured just because you’re spending the night”, he looked concerned. “baby i want to, i would never think that, you’ve been nothing but caring and respectful”.

and it was on from there, jack eagerly took care of you for the rest of the night. he very much may or may not have ruined all men for you.

[butwhatifidothis]

Watching Chris Hackney’s BL playthrough has made me realise why I have problem with Edelgard’s claim that the people are weak for relying on the faith/Church. Well, I don’t know, maybe it’s because their rulers are shitty and the government is too crappy for them to rely on?

Like, look at the entire Remire Village massacre again. Remire is in the Empire territory. Disregarding the fact that the entire tragedy happened because of their own fucking crown princess who decided this was a good location for her cronies to do their biological weapon experiments, did the Empire or Edelgard do anything to help her people living in her territory?

We know they don’t provide medical aid for their citizens, for one, because it is Manuela and Shamir who have been investigating this mysterious disease and it is the Church staff discussing how to end this “plague”. We also know they don’t have a safety net for these homeless people, because it’s the Church who takes these people in and helps them get back on their feet as they have, quoted, no where else to go. Even the orphans are taken care of by the Church and not their own government, where their taxes go to. Dorothea starved in almost her entire childhood in the slums when Edelgard’s father was still in power! This shows her father literally did nothing to help his citizens and all he was interested in was power grabs with the other nobles. All in all, the social welfare in the Empire, in a word, is just simply terrible.

The Church is also the one responsible for the peacekeeping in Fodlan or at least Adrestia too. To start with, the students at the Officer Academy and the Knights of Seiros are the ones deployed to handle the Remire Tragedy. Next, it’s the Church the people go for help when they are invaded by the pirates who pretend to be Almyrans instead of their own lords (that’s in the Alliance though). Then, it’s the Church instead of the Imperial government that hunts down Kostas’ gang - bandits active in Remire aka the Empire territory. Last but not least, the literal Crown Princess and the Regent of the Empire are willing to set loose a serial murderer on their people to give Jeritza a hunting ground just because she wants a good general for her conquest. Ah, and don’t forget nothing was done by the Imperial government to repel the Dagda invasion until the other Great noble families banded together to throw the Dagda army out.

The justice system in the Empire sucks too. From Caspar’s support we learn the punishment for theft is death and it is implied the Empire lets their criminals torn to shreds by beasts for entertainment. The Imperial government also arrests and executes people without any evidence or trial just because their princess says so. Usually even in a coup you have to make up some excuses to sentence your enemies. Remember even Henry the Eighth had to accuse Anne Boleyn of adultery and witchcraft in order to have her executed even though he was the head of state and church at the time? Did Edelgard and Hubert do anything of the sort before they imprison Duke Aegir, kill Marquis Vestra and arrest Count Varley? Let’s not forget Edelgard’s father killed off the entire House of Hrym and went over his jurisdiction to punish House Ordelia, a foreign noble house that happened to be one of the leaders of their government. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t ever want to be an Empire citizen.

I don’t know, maybe if the Imperial government wasn’t so incompetent and didn’t treat their citizens like trash, their citizens wouldn’t have to go to the Church for help? Maybe, I don’t know, if Edelgard and her government would do their actual fucking job and rule instead of throwing countless lives away and squandering all their resources on a senseless war that stemmed purely from nationalism and not actual political gain, then her “weak” people wouldn’t have to rely on the Church to pick them up every single time when they are having a hard time.

You laid it out perfectly really lol like, people in the fandom like to kinda hype up Adrestia as this forward thinking nation among the three of them because look they rejected religion! They have most of the LGBT characters (they'll never let you forget Mercedes came from the Empire so she counts too)! They have a female heir! When in reality the Empire is fuckin' garbage man like holy shit.

The only other female Adrestian noble in BE? One with a Crest that's supposed to give her Uber Privilege? And a family that's never said to be on the decline? Her father drills into her that she has to find a husband or she has no worth. Their only true commoner is never given any recognition for any of the work she does - and is the only one treated like this among the BE class. Petra is listed as a commoner despite being a whole ass princess because of her status as a political hostage. They give nobility to a house that's literal sole and only purpose is to do the dirty work for the Emperor - they aren't even granted land to own for their work.

Like you said, the heir to Adrestia doesn't care enough about her citizens to make an attempt to look after them after her allies fucked them over. And like, I'm not asking for the world or anything, she's not the official leader yet and there's only so much she can do... but she did nothing. Didn't mention anything about helping them in the future either, unless you nebulously count "I'm totally helping the people with my war guys" as also including people she one way or another helped in mutating and/or killing. Nah she's too busy getting mad at Byleth for thinking that Remire is revolting during the battle (I do believe in the JPN ver. she says something else? sorry I can't remember what exactly, just note I'm talking about the ENG ver. when making this point), among all the other things you've already listed

Like, of the three nations it's kinda obvious that the Kingdom is definitionally doing worse, at the moment, but at default? Adrestia sucks ass

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 7 June ‘21

Liam’s podcast with Steve Bartlett is out and while I still don’t care about that guy I’ll give him this-- he does great at getting out of the way and letting Liam talk. And boy does Liam talk! Liam says A LOT and let’s all just pause to send him some big hugs before we get into right? And then look to the future- Liam’s routine is to say ‘things have been terrible but it’s fine, it’s fine NOW’, always, even when that is absolutely obviously not true, and today is no different but for once I actually believe some of his hopeful bits too which is so great! I hope things really are shifting for him and I can’t wait to hear this new song of his. But there’s a lot that’s hard to hear too, oh Liam. He said that he and Maya have broken up (so yes, presumably why he just moved again such a short time after they moved into their haunted house), talked about his struggles with his alcoholism (and said he’s been sober for a month right now, go babe!), shared the usual distressing stories about his time in the band and what that was like for him (and how it still impacts him), and he talked about his new song and how it feels different for him than his past solo music. Truly though there is SO MUCH more than I can get into here or then you can get from the UA highlights- I HIGHLY recommend actually watching at least parts of the video, also because the attempt to summarize so much erases all the charm and humor, of which there is much. If you don’t think you want to watch Liam’s interviews, it has to be because you aren’t watching Liam’s interviews, they’re delightful! Plus really if you care about 1D and want information about what it was like for any of them, listen to Liam, he’s the one who’s out there talking about it.

About Maya he said, that yes, he is now single, and “I’ve just been not been very good at relationships,” and “I’m a proper perfectionist… at the start of the relationship you put out this complete false character like I might as well go in in costume, I’m like putting out something that is not there... kind of like encompassing someone else’s life with your crap rather than just doing your thing and laying out your store from day one. That’s my biggest problem is that I feel like I don’t lay out my store... and then I’m annoyed when they don’t like what I like,” and “I think my problem is I struggle to be on my own sometimes... I dive in and out of relationships too quickly. I’ve not spent enough time on my own to relearn about myself.”

He laughs about his tendency to ask his manager things during interviews; “My fans think that Steve is doing something to me, they’re like liberty for Liam because he always looks to Steve, but that’s because I like him. It’s not because he’s harming me as a person. There’s like a hashtag Liberty for Liam because they think I’m some like prison child,” and he also said “my manager’s my best friend,” (and he’s said in the past he is a big support for him) and mentioned stuff they’d talked about recently around his therapeutic awakenings.

He talked about therapy being something you have to want to do and be ready to do rather than being pushed into, like getting sober, and says that this time around with his own therapy work he’s really felt that and thrown himself into it and he talked a lot about his relationship to therapy in connection with band days. “I mean one of our old managers went to therapy from being a manager of One Direction. So if you can imagine how that feels like the rest of us definitely need some.”

“We were young,” he said, “What I found was I didn’t know I was the boss until like a few months ago, I still don’t even feel like I am now, like I’m such a child. And everyone I work with now is older than me and wiser than me and I’m like what the hell am I doing here with these people. When we were 17 I thought the security guard was like in charge of me so I was like Can we leave the room? No? Oh ok then,” and “when we were in the band, the best way to secure us was just lock us in our rooms. And of course what’s in the room? Minibar. So at a certain point, I thought Well I’m gonna have a party for one and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life... You know I spoke to somebody about this in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices. That we could do anything we wanted it seemed from the outside but we were always locked in a room at night and then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, locked. So it’s like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, but then it’s back underneath again,” and “the day the band ended I was like thank the lord for that. And I know a lot of people are going to be mad with me for saying that, but I needed it to stop. It would kill me.” Anyway, he said, because it wouldn’t be Liam without an upbeat coda, “I don’t want any of this to get lost in translation. I’m not 100% moaning about my life... it’s had its ups and its downs, but I would rather talk about it and it’s therapeutic for me.”

And what about that exciting new song? Liam said, “We have a really cool song in the pipeline... one of the first ones I’ve actually written myself- with some other people, I didn’t write it by myself, but it’s the first one I’ve really liked. And I think I got so used used carting around other peoples songs and not embedding myself creatively in what I do because I was so scared to find out who I was,” and “I don’t really know how I would tour again. I really want to” [on discord today he said he would be touring next year] “I always said throughout my solo career I’d let my song book speak to me. And I don’t think my song book spoke to me to get off my ass. I only became a solo artist because I had Strip That Down. I wasn’t gonna do it, I was gonna leave it alone. I was like, I survived it once thank you very much- but I’m back in now. Because the song, I knew it was right. It felt right with that song, I hadn’t had that. This year, the song we have I feel really really great about. So I’d rather let the music do the talking than me come out and force it. We don’t need any more useless music in the world, it needs to mean something,” and he mentioned the new song on the discord a lot too, most notably picking out a long comment that thanked him for making the fan feel supported and safe and for “putting your heart in everything you do” and for his support of the LGBTQ community to respond to with, “I think you will really like the new song.”

A few other random bits, he said that he thinks there should be a system to make therapy available to musicians in the industry, “I think I’m definitely gonna get a dog because I need routine,” and “I recently started jujitsu,” yeah you and everyone else huh, so do him and Louis and Oli go to the same gym or ???, and he acknowledged that as an addict he may have just transferred that to working out “but there’s a lot worse things to be addicted to then looking after yourself” hmm but he does seem to say that he’s doing better around body image stuff; he talks about having put on weight during lockdown and seeing himself in the BAFTAS performance- “I saw myself... and I was like ‘oh my god I’ve completely let myself go in this’. And it was fine...I feel so much more secure in myself now.” Oh and that he’s written a comedic movie script “based around AA” and his experiences there, such as how “I had a really weird AA experience the first time that I went. My first experience was with Russell Brand.” LMAO yes! Cannot wait, bring on auteur Liam please! Anyway as if ALL THAT wasn’t enough he’s also dove into the lead up to his NFT release; he said “I'm almost ready to share my NFTs with you guys... Who wants to see them?” and posted a tiny preview that tells us its (their?) title for the first time- Lonely Bug.

Niall and Anne Marie perform on Jimmy Fallon tonight, and the hype is already a go! I guess it’s prerecorded, as we’re already seeing pictures from it; they’re singing to each other with the cute car from the video in the background. Niall signed on to a letter to Boris Johnson asking for changes to music streaming revenue rules and signed by 232 artists (including all the artists Johnson recently named as his favorites, haha). Zayn signed on to a Billboard petition to the US senate calling for gun safety laws. The bar Zayn got into the fight in front of posted “Zayn's a regular at Amsterdam Billiards and he is a true gentleman. On Thursday night he was confronted by an inebriated passer-by outside on the street and was called a homophobic slur. We support Zayn & condemn homophobia in the strongest terms!” And also PS omg again because it just isn’t going away: Harry’s beauty company is called Pleased As, his name is Harry Edward Styles so yes when listed last name first, as legal documents do, it spells SHE but it is not a “feminist abbreviation” (WHAT? even??) nor the name of the business.

[airlock]

y’know what I hate about videogame trailers? how everything in them just swooces by at high speed. I’m not a quick thinker! I will absorb very little hype that way!

therefore, I’m just going to grab that new Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes trailer and go frame-by-frame on the motherfucker. I will likely still miss some stuff, but none of you fucking frames that blink in and out are safe from me!

no, I’m not going to screenshoot or crop these with the remotest bit of finesse. pack up and deal

“It’s just one merc...!”

I was thinking that Purple Hair might actually be a co-protagonist rather than an antagonist since those Amazon screenshots dropped. but this? holy shit!!

I’m not necessarily going to put all my faith in that they’re actually going to stick to making Byleth a full antagonist in this game, but nonetheless, I’m intrigued and hooked. we could be seeing a whole lot more character out of this here lass while she’s not preoccupied with the position of audience stand-in protagonist. (and if we don’t get that much, at least we’ll really enjoy beating up the hopeless wooden plank-)

“You clearly need every blade you can find, and my pockets have been feeling awfully light lately -- what do you say?”

aha, see, I knew that going frame-by-frame like this was going to be productive. on a couple of lightning glances, I thought I liked m!Shez’s design noticeably better; it seemed like f!Shez didn’t quite have as much of an edge. looking at them side-by-side in a still like this, though, there’s much less of an Edge Differential there than I’d initially thought!

I still think I like m!Shez better, though, if only because he seems to have this uniquely lanky body type whereas f!Shez looks to be the same generic hourglass figure as the other women, with maybe a touch more shoulder to it. (I imagine you won’t find substantial differences between m!Shez’s body type and that of most other guys if you go pulling model measurements either, but hey, the design has an effect on our perception of the character’s body type)

(also, I guess it’s still too much to ask for that female designs not just be differentiated from male ones by showing more skin and having more kinky apparel, but what can ya do)

whatever the case, I also must remark that our gender-malleable protagonist of the jour has oodles of voice lines and is even looking to have an actual defined personality. is it possible we’re finally killing the MU, but while also still providing a character who can do something for the crowd that really really wants a surrogate??

whoawhoawhoa... diverging paths? routes? could it be that this won’t actually be FE16: Golden Route??? dare I get my hopes up that everyone else’s idealism will get crushed beneath this game’s iron boots??

“I’ll be counting on you as always in the battles to come.”

hold up, I think that’s actually the Axe of Ukonvasara she’s swinging around -- and it’s most certainly not Aymr in any case.

I do not remember which axe Edelgard has on the OA, despite the fact that the OA is also right there (damn them cropping out the axehead!). still, either this means that characters will be using a variety of potential weapons here, or that Edelgard in this game might actually spin loose enough from Lo, Behold Ye, These Nefarious Vermin Who Are Very Much Inclined To Undulate Their Bodies Sideways Whilst Lighting Conditions Are Remarkably Poor that they might decide to say “fuck you, no synthetic dragonbone axe” to her.

“You see, Ferdinand, when I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band...”

god I can’t get enough of this greasy motherfucker, I don’t know what you’ve all been complaining about

(also, yeah -- very very likely glimpse of Ferdinand? seems like his hair is neck-length, and uh, very broad. are we about to see him don a truly leonine mane in this intermediate stage where he’s only just begun losing control of his hair?)

“AHAHAHAA.”

Robbie Daymond is still killing it too, I see!

interesting to see Dark Spikes Tau here, mostly inasmuch as I’ve been thinking about whether and how they might be handling Lysithea in this game. we have no confirmation that she’s going to be in the game yet while we do have confirmation of a different dark mage’s presenece, so if they did only pick one or the other, then they picked Hubert, notwithstanding that Lysithea is empirically the most popular non-main-character of FE16. (but I’m not complaining frankly; Lysithea is popular and I adore her, but what damn game would this be if they cut Hubert?)

anyway, of course, Hubert learns Dark Spikes Tau too (albeit not early enough to mop the floor with Jeritza’s head with it outside of just one map), so it’s not that it’s out of place for him to be using it. just, if Lysithea still does make the cut, then either she’s not using the meme spell or, heaven forbid, we’re looking at the og FEW’s lack of moveset variety again.

“Everyone, sharpen your blades and prepare for the battles ahead.”

that’s a three-pointer!

hmmmm... they seem to be fighting in the middle of a marketplace. also, I just now notice the uniform colors on the generic enemies; here’s Dimitri going to town on a red army, and over there is Edelgard wasting some blues while Hubert pokes some yellows (on what looks to me like the Great Bridge of Myrddin, no less).

“We’re here to fight by your side, Your Majesty. So we shall, now and always.”

CHEF DEDDLES IS HERE CHEF DEDDLES IS HERE CHEF DEDDLES IS HERE CONFIRMED CONFIRMED CONFIRMED

NOW WILL YOU PLEASE CALL YOUR BOYTOY BY HIS NAME

“I love how you can bump into someone in the woods one night, and suddenly, you’re living under the same roof the next.”

I’ll never get enough of the way Claude just shitposts while everyone else makes big important thesis statements

also, we got the coolest route name; fear the deer, suckers

(here, we seem to be flechetting some more reds -- and Dedue was cooking some reds in his gameplay section, too. y’know, though, I can’t tell what place this is -- it’s some sort of a fortification, but it looks far too schlobby to be Merceus or Arianrhod, and the terrain is too friendly for it to be the Locket or Garreg Mach. I guess it could just as easily be a new minor location, anyway)

“Now THAT’s what a battle-hardened mercenary should sound like. Maybe I’ll just let you handle all the hacky-slashy stuff!”

come on, everyone, with me now:

HIL-DA! HIL-DA! HIL-DA! HIL-DA! HIL-DA! HIL-DA!

I thought she was wearing a bun the first time I watched, that would’ve been wild. but nah, it’s a high tail that’s very broad at the tying point. anyway, she is adorable as ever, although I will make her handle all the hacky-slashy stuff.

(also: more reds)

“[Chasing Daybreak remix babeeeeeey]”

whoever’s unleashing the mixtape there is cooking yellow, though. curiouser and curiouser... still, if no gameplay segments ever show Team Blue or Team Yellow fighting anyone non-red, it may be safe to assume that it’s Adrestia vs. The World once again

“[pained breath] This bloodshed... will it never come to an end?”

hi, Flayn! you still only get a new design every 1000 years, I see

“Uh, greetings, mercenary... this is looking to me like something to report, actually.”

real.

(okay, but if that’s actually the Gatekeeper specifically, I’m going to become the embodiment of chaos and fight Ashera)

holy shiiiiiiit! a high-detail world map??? with actual intranational regional markers????? I’ve never been this overjoyed to have one of my HUMANKIND custom maps be rendered completely obsolete!!!

(plus, I got a touch burned out on working on it after one too many bugs, so maybe that’s my cue to either get back on the horse, or at least start bothering Amplitude about whichever ones they haven’t caught yet)

(also, hi Anna)

y’know, there are some unused files in the coding of Three Houses which indicate that they were working on a feature where you’d set up trade relations with various locales, giving them goods that they lack and/or crave in exchange for them giving you rare items. even just the leftover files have been a rich source of obscure worldbuidling for me, and I could only mourn how much more of the good stuff we might’ve had if that feature had been finished.

but hey, with a world map like this? we could very well be seeing a retake on the concept!! especially since Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity had a similar network of world-expanding sidequests.

anyway, file that under “shit that excites airlock’s geography nerd ass and absolutely nobody else”

STOP SCROLLING MOTHERFUCKER I AM TRYING TO READ

anyway, conquest of garreg mach, huh? everything new is old again

(also, looks like the game will have some form of an activity point system? and also like expanding the amount of points you have can occour as a reward for optional goals?)

Labraunda?? huh. I guess that might not have been the Axe of Ukonvasara after all. and hey, if Edelgard is in fact getting a fresh new regalia axe... I suppose that raises the odds of Aymr, and Shadey Slidey Dudes with it, to have fallen out of her picture.

not a real protagonist until you’re rocking your very own unique class, I guess. Flügel, huh...

oooh, that’s an interesting menu, though. combat arts/magic, huh? I wonder if that’s going to be some sort of a build-a-combo system... if there’s something like that, and it’s interesting enough to keep the overall gameplay fresh, I might not mind overmuch if the characters themselves are more like skins than anything mechanically distinguished.

I suppose batallions were a given considering how Koei is probably responsible for them existing in regular FE16, huh

the strongholds within the what now, buddy? come on, don’t be shy!

WAIT A FUCKING- HELLOOOOOO?????

HI THERE, MONICA, POSSIBLY NOT KRONYA IN DISGUISE THIS TIME, USING A SPELL CALLED “WIND CALLER’S GENESIS” WHICH PROBABLY IMPLIES A CREST OF MACUIL

“You got my back?”

that’s looking to me like it’ll be some more like some iteration on pair-ups. were those in FEW? I didn’t play that

“Careful!”

you tell him, bae

but yeah, I guess we also get some form of adjutant guard, huh!

“Yeah, good to go.” “We’ll do it together!”

ohohohohohoh, this is looking like a much more badass use of the multiple cut-ins than Gambit Boost was

FEW had something like that too, didn’t it? complete with funny dialogue depending on which two characters you put up to it?

behold ye, the roof that we’ll be living under with someone we bumped into in the woods last night

curiously, that looks quite a bit more like that fort we saw Claude wrecking it up in. I guess you might have to defend it from time to time?

“Look, I’m just saying, there isn’t a single part of this that looks like it’ll be practical in battle--” “Sshh. Let them bond.”

a class change system, huh? yeah, I’m going to call it -- my guess is that movesets will be tied to class and combat arts/spells, and not to characters.

LORENZ MY WONDERFUL MAN YOU’VE DONE IT

YOU’VE FOUND THE PERFECT MEDIUM BETWEEN YOUR AWFUL ACADEMY PHASE HAIR AND YOUR GORGEOUS WAR PHASE HAIR

YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOBLESSE MEDIOCRITAS

I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR EXTREMELY MID BOB

“This world cries out for change -- while you keep it shackled in the past!”

okay, so, this sounds a lot like Byleth is fucking around with time and causing a stasis, and Shez’s goal is to put a stop to it

that said, after a metric ton of the FE16 trailer, I’ve learned my lesson about extrapolating from out-of-context voicelines. hell, changes are pretty tidy that he’s not even going to be addressing Byleth when he actually says this in-game

ooooh, who’s THIS guy now, though? an almyran?

“We can finally avenge ALL of those who have fallen!”

hups, we’re not going to be seeing our healthiest Dimitri yet, now are we

“Am I gonna be next?”

yeah, as best as I can tell, that’s Claude, and that’s Claude’s voice. and he sounds pretty concerned when he says it, too...

huh. maybe someone will force Claude to take an amount of things seriously in this game. I’ll be looking forward to that every bit as much as the zingers!

“You were the cog that was missing from the turnwheel. The one final push that urged me to act.” “Trust me -- no regrets here.”

man alive, everyone in this still looks like freaking porcelain. that’s a very technically impressive lighting effect that you guys fucked up there

anyway -- knowing how I know that I must refrain from trying to extrapolate from these out-of-context quotes? I still can’t help reading a bit into this statement, because Edelgard is certainly not the type who normally needs someone else’s urging to spring into action. so it feels to me like this goes with my budding theory that Edelgard isn’t rolling with Team Skrillex this time around -- that she means she was urged to act against them.

WAIT A MOTHER FUCKENG

PINK HAIR. CREST OF GONERIL. IS THIS HOLST????

FUCKING SHIT KOEI MAN YOU CAN’T DO THIS. YOU CAN’T NOT EXIST HIS APPEARANCE FOR 3 YEARS AND THEN SUDDENLY APPEAR IT. THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN KUSAKIHARA MADE EVERYONE RETCON THEIR HEADCANONS FOR CLAUDE’S REAL NAME

(I AM BEING VERY AGGRESSIVE ABOUT THIS BUT I’M HAPPY TO SEE HOLST ACTUALLY)

(BUT ALSO THIS HOLST IS WRONG. NOT MY HOLST)

(ALTHOUGH I GUESS “TOWERING BEEFACKE” HOLST ISN’T THAT FAR REMOVED FROM THE TUBBY HOLST OF MY MIND’S EYE)

(AND HE’S USING A SWORD, NOT AN AXE???? ALTHOUGH THESE LOOK LIKE HERO DUDS, SO THAT’D STILL MAKE HIS ‘CANON CLASS’ ONE THAT DOES AXES. I ACTUALLY LIKE THAT I GUESS)

after several frustrating tries, this is the clearest view I can get of whoever the fuck it is he’s fighting. doesn’t ring a bell of any sort, though... hmmmm

“I’m the closest ally you have. Remember -- we’re partners in destiny.”

huh. the first time I watched, I didn’t parse the dialogue, and just thought this looked like a fucked-up midpoint in Edelgard’s Hegemon Husk transformation. considering that line, and the fact that I don’t recognize this voice, though? must be a buddy of Shez’s.

“Gonna be one helluva fight. Especially if the Ashen Demon is here. Don’t like a smidge of what I heard about that fella. Or... was it a woman?”

love that they spent this whole time close to implying that f!Byleth is canon, only to acknowledge m!Byleth in the outro-

anyway, that this toggle exists makes me further skeptical that Byleth is actually going to be spinning as a full-blown, no-holds-barred, no-changing-sides antagonist here.

(anyway, hush, Shez, you should be nonbinary enough to grasp this-)

mark your calendars! mercifully, the chances are pretty low that that’ll conflict greatly with my uni business, should I desire to acquire this game immediately and play it in an unending fugue

and huh, I guess the new friend from just now is in the boxart, too -- standing opposite Sothis. “closest ally you have” might be meant more literally than it sounded at first, huh?

(... and oh, there we go, Edelgard has the new regalia axe and not Aymr in the boxart.)

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Toki’s Psychological State Through the Seasons

Toki is by far for me personally the most interesting member of Dethklok; I know to some degree he’s deemed as a potentially over hyped character by fans and even the show itself, but there’s countless reasons why people cling onto that character, and they’re good reasons. Even if said reasons just come down to “I think he’s neat.” that’s valid.

For me I am so fascinated with his character development, personality, and the varied chunks of background information we get about him throughout the series. A big part of this character is that when you look at him in season one compared to season four he is very different or at least he appears to be much different. Season one does establish that Toki does have a childish personality, his bedroom looks more like a room for a kid than one for a guy in his 20s. Season one establishes those basic facts about him that do heavily carry out through the show, but also increase as the show goes on.

Toki goes from immature but not overly immature to....a complete fucking wreck by the finale of season four (before Doomstar) and the reason for it is simple; it’s trauma.

Toki starts to act differently in season one after the Dethfamily episode; he spends practically that entire episode in a catatonic state, his parents always looming nearby like figures of danger and doom. After this we do get to him being bitter about being seen as immature and seen as the kid of the band (despite the fact he was barely 16 when he joined Dethklok) and when a charity informs him that a dying girl wants to meet him he turns into a complete prick. He finally comes out of that when he sees a video the kid made of herself singing a song about death and hatred, with that scene we see a small flashback of Toki’s childhood; him about the little girl’s age standing out in the snow staring up at his parents looking confused and a moment later he’s being smacked across the face. 

We could already gather beforehand when we found out he came from a very devout religious sect outside of Lillehammer that his childhood was sketchy, plus how he locked up when around his parents, but seeing the flashback of him being hit as a little boy.....Answers the obvious question of “did they beat him?”

Season one is the least eventful of the seasons. Season two is when shit begins changing drastically.

Season two Toki receives a call to inform him that his father has cancer and is on his death bed, the family and the church wants him to return to Norway to see his father. He acts completely fine about this initially, the phone conversation and the way he announces his father’s terminal illness to the band is as if somebody just asked to borrow his car. When it gets close to time to actually go and when they are in Norway it’s different though; he becomes anxious and clearly uncomfortable, in Norway he stays in town mostly, stalling around places he went to as a kid and a teenager before he ran off to America. 

He does handle his father’s dying well once he finally convinces himself to go inside his house and see him then follow through with his father’s dying request to carry him up to his old childhood home (which goes wrong because his friend’s are dicks.) 

I am not going to go into personal detail at all and my situation was nothing like Toki’s (it’s incredibly rare to hear situations like that anymore), but Toki handling his father’s passing freakishly well kind of was a red flag for me, because I know from my own experiences that when you find out something complicated like a terminal illness or the death of your abusive parent theres’ a chance you may respond way too calmly to it, and then later down the line days or months or years later something will trigger a big reaction to it. Which is what happens.

After handling his dad’s death well we get the most iconic scene involving Toki at that point and honestly still the most iconic; he beats a man to death with his bare hands. The thing that triggers this is a hallucinated image of a rabbit, an animal he associates both with his father and his childhood, the image of it triggers him to fly into an insanely feral blind rage taking it out on a guy who had been annoying him all night. Toki has always throughout the entire series shown signs of being a tad violent, but never THAT bad. Sure he shot down a plane and had accidentally caused a death or twenty (the whole band is, it’s part of the sacrifices to the Gods deal) but we had never seen him before or after that moment beat somebody to death. That is new and it came from a place of pent up....shit. Shit he never worked through and even after that continued to not work through.

Because after this we lead into him worsening further; he begins drinking. A lot. The band consist of dudes with addiction issues, mainly alcohol, but Toki never seemed to drink quite as much as them until after he went feral on that straight edge guy. 

Toki deals with his childhood trauma in several ways:

He drinks. A lot.

He focuses on fantasy and daydreams to keep himself from focusing on his past.

He spends a lot of time with Dr. Rockso who takes advantage of his kindness often, he also spends gross amounts of money bailing his clown buddy out of jail. Constantly.

He occasionally gets violent, but never to the point of manslaughter.

Seasons three and four are when we get fully introduced to Toki acting like a kid more than a guy in his 20s and it makes sense. Toki didn’t have a childhood; we learn that his parents essentially made him into a slave at a young age having him do pointless “chores” like sweeping snow during a storm, carrying stacks of wood much too heavy for a small child, etc. and when he failed to work quickly enough or failed a task they punished him. They punished him by locking him in a shed, they punished him by chaining him up like an animal, they punished him by smacking him, by beating him with a bull whip, and worst of all (who knew it could get worse) they would force him to stay for long periods of times in a deep hole dug into the ground. A hole where he hid a clown doll made of twigs and straw, the only friend he had as a little kid.

From all that we can gather through the show he didn’t exactly have a social life of any kind until his teens, the older he became the braver I think he became, and that was responded to with worse violence from his parents. I think the statement in season one about a vision of father killing son wasn’t totally off, I think if Toki had never run away from Norway that his father would have murdered him. I think his parents knew somehow that he isn’t entirely human, they knew he was something else, and I do think his parents had plans to kill him before he could become “too powerful”. 

That aside though.....Once we the audience as well as his friends find out far more details about his horrifying childhood Toki changes. A lot. He’d already been immature and a tad bit off but he regresses further after that, more prone to depression and outbursts, clinginess, and a need to feel like he’s loved by pretty much anybody.

This is a dude who is about my age that came to the horrid realization that any person or animal he loves will die because that’s his “gift”, the gift of death. He works his ass off to repress and rationalize a brutally nightmarish childhood, and the guys he’s in a band with who he loves and sees as his family....are dicks. We know that when he joined Dethklok before they got famous that they were all close, but when they began becoming popular and became immensely wealthy the others became more focused on self indulgence and power, less focused on this still a child who desperately just wanted a family.

I think a key factor with Toki being the way he is comes down to the band’s “no caring” rule. A rule that only existed because of Magnus. Toki is the baby in a group of people who have known each other for a good while, people who came to an agreement to not give a shit about each other for a reason they never explained to him because it’s too painful for them to think about. I think he always tried to live by that rule of not caring, he tried to bury all the shit wrong with himself the best that he could but he was never good at it. It’s also clear they all care about each other and they definitely care about Toki; Nathan and Skwisgaar often being the most protective of him. 

In season four aka the season where the show becomes less of a comedy and more of a drama with stunning animation. Toki is immensely more immature and awkward, he’s clingy with the band especially where Skwisgaar is regarded. Near the end of season four he’s completely fucked up; he splits his time between Rockso (his comfort object) and Magnus (a father figure to replace Nathan) in the dinner episode which has so much going on in it. So much. Toki is at his lowest point in the series; he shows up late, drunk as fucking hell, shirtless, and covered in bruises and cuts. Rockso is with him and when Charles tries to tell him Rockso shouldn’t be there Toki goes into a full fucking anxiety attack until Charles tells him it’s fine to have the clown there. Toki’s heavily dependent on Rockso by that point; his found family is quickly falling to shit. God knows what kind of shit Magnus might have been feeding him about the band at that point. 

Toki’s entire thing from day one/the pilot of the series is that he just wants a family. When he feels like he doesn’t belong in the one that he found and was taken in by he searches for family in other places, when he can’t handle the memories of his childhood he spirals hard. I understand that the guys didn’t really know how to handle it after they heard about Toki’s childhood so I can’t fault them completely for just.....shoving him off onto Rockso after that, but I still think they should have tried to be there for him more so, more directly. I think an outlet that isn’t a drug addled clown might have helped him in some way, I think if when he’d been a teenager if one of them had found out about his upbringing and just pointed out “that isn’t okay, at all.” then things might have panned out differently. 

Mental regression isn’t uncommon when it comes down to victims of trauma caused by extreme abuse. Especially considering his trauma all occurred basically from the get go; he was a child slave, the closest I would guess he ever got to having a childhood when he was a kid was seeing other kids childhoods. Going into town and seeing kids playing, sneaking into birthday parties just to be around other kids his age, etc. and he definitely was childish as a teenager, but I think he tried to bury that side of himself when his bandmates started teasing him or pointing out how unmetal it all is.....But then a douche bag journalist brought his parents to America, a little girl died, his abusive father died horribly (as he should) in front of him, he beat a man to death (allegedly), etc. 

He spent a lot of years away from all the trauma and the death and the bull shit then suddenly it started piling on top of him again and his escapism was fantasy, clinging onto a junkie clown, partaking in childish hobbies.....because why not? 

Each member of the band suffered some messed up shit when they were kids and it shows in different ways, this is Toki’s way of dealing with it....or not. I’m not entirely sure what his psychological state would be post Doomstar; the way he bounces back from immense trauma makes me think that he would be okay given some time and that’s a safe assumption to make, especially now that his bandmates/family will be there for him the way he needs them to be.

I want to tag @theidiotwiththepaintedface who hopefully will enjoy this painfully long deep dive into a character’s psychology lol.

[stitchsixwives]

I saw the third preview of SIX and here are some thoughts

- First of all (unrelated to SIX) I just made a tumblr so I have no idea how formatting works

- Everyone was cheering so loud the second the lights went down.

- I never realized how far downstage they were (I was sitting in the second row) when they walk out; they were so close

- They walked out with such power. The silhouette with the haze, ah, absolutely amazing

- Andrea's hairpiece and Sam's ponytail were SO LONG. I spent most of ex wives mesmerized by their hair. And the vocals. Also the vocals.

- Sam's riff at "the fun's begun" sent chills down my spine

- Andrea winked at someone in the front row

- Britt looked so offended when Sam cut her off

- The choreography was so sharp for No Way. Especially the dance break

- Adrianna just totally milked the applause at the end of No Way, and it was fantastic

- Andrea's facials during the intro to DLYH were fantastic. She had that "What? Moi?" Face, and was totally into what the other girls were saying

- Her laugh was absolutely adorable, and for a brief second, I actually thought she was reading something on her phone that made her laugh. It was so genuine

- She also just looked so confused as to what was happening, and I could see her just put the pieces together and ahhh she's such an amazing actress

- Britt's facial expressions during DLYH were amazing. When Andrea was like "I didn't know I would move in with his missus" Britt had been sort of half paying attention, but at that line she shot up, completely shocked

- Sam and Britt were kinda making fun of/teasing boleyn and my brain couldn't decide whether to watch Dre or watch Sam and Britt's antics, because they were hilarious

- When Andrea was like "He's actually gonna chop my head off!" Britt looked like a scolded child and I was laughing my ass off

- A lot of Andrea's lines were much lower in her voice than they were before. I liked it, I just hope that the change isn't because of people making fun of her voice or calling her immature.

- The dick joke was much faster than before, just a very quick gesture with the mic

-Her "I'm not sorry" and ending riffs were SO GOOD AND I AM DECEASED

- I wish I could remember specifics as far as Jane's monologue goes, but I do remember there were some delivery changes, and I loved it

- Abby added some more riffs and did this light falsetto on "high" during HOS and I died

- I couldn't see the actual tears, but I saw her wiping her face when she finished. IDK how she sings that well while crying. Her voice didn't even really crack, it was still so strong and I have no idea how she does it

- HOH was so incredibly chaotic and I couldn't stop laughing the entire song

- I don't remember exactly when but I'm pretty sure Anna waved at me at one point (or someone near me, lets be honest)

- Britt had so much energy during Get Down that she almost kicked Adrianna in the face (and Dri didn't even react)

- She told this young girl in the front row to get up and dance. I think she was a bit shy, but Britt and the others were so encouraging and when she sat back down, instead of saying "get down" Britt was like "SHE'S SO CUTE"

- The costume reveal was so good, and Britt just had this expression like, "yeah I know I'm hot" and was just basking in the applause and cheering. Same with the applause at the end, she was just LIVING for it

- Sam didn't pet Dri's cheek during the K Howard roast, she just kinda stood there.

- I don't think she wrapped her arm around Dre either

- She did put her arm around Abby, and her "when will justice be SERVED" was so funny

- I never noticed before but Britt just kinda stares at Sam's arm/chest so neither of them break (I knew britt and Sam couldnt look each other directly in the eyes, but I never realized Britt was looking at her arm/chest)

- The pacing of the last few lines "I'm really hot...oh wait like this" was a lot faster and it took me a minute to get the jokes. And I've seen many slime tutorials of the show, so I already know the jokes.

- AYWD felt more serious from the beginning. It didn't feel as flirty or playful.

- Oh my god Sam's vocals just destroyed me.

- I've seen this before in slime tutorials, but seeing in person just emphasized the sinister expressions that the other girls have. Especially since they're in dark, mostly cool lighting, and they're looking up at her with zero trace of a smile. It was so creepy (in a good way)

- During the 3rd verse when the girls start closing in on her, Sam looked so nervous and uncomfortable and I just wanted to give her a hug

- Her riff on "different" was so fucking good and hearing it in person was even better than the videos. Her voice had so much power and so much emotion

- They're playing around with the ending of AYWD to try to get the audience not to clap, and when Sam threw her head back with that loud gasp instead of just letting her head fall back while she's sobbing, all I could think was "ouch, that looks painful"

- Sam was fighting so hard to stay in character during the applause. Because her next line is "and then I was beheaded" so she can't really bask in it or react to it the same way that Britt did, for instance.

- She changed the inflection on that line, so it was "and THEN I was beheaded" and I laughed so fucking hard at the way she said it so seriously.

- Andrea sounded so genuine when she was like "i don't want it to be weird between us" and then she finished the line in the same tone and it was even funnier than before

- Britt jumped like a foot in the air when Abby was like "oh boo hoo" and she was screaming so loud, Adrianna looked terrified, and everyone else looked a mix of bewildered, concerned, and startled

- I was nervous Adrianna was gonna back into the side of the stage for a hot sec lol, that's how fast they were moving. And Abby's pose at the end of "I DIED" just about killed me.

- Andrea's "hahahhaha what" was so fucking hilarious, and the way the band just teetered out and the queens looked completely lost was just golden

- During the argument about cathy not singing sam was just like "WOOOOOOOOW wow wow wow wow" and I was dying

- Everyone looked so skeptical about cathy telling them to sit down before her monologue

- ANNA'S RIFFS HOLY SHIT. She added some new ones and oh my god I am deceased

- The other girls were hyping Anna up so much during IDNYL and it was so fucking amazing to watch

- Adrianna and Andrea stayed holding hands instead of putting their arms around each other and it was so damn cute

- ANDREA FUCKING MACASAET FUCKING SMILED AT ME THROUGH MOST OF SIX AND I DIED. I thought she was looking at someone else at first, and I'm 95% sure she could clock the exact second I realized she was looking directly at *me* because I promptly started freaking out. I also was so mesmerized by this angel smiling at me that I missed the rest of the song lol

- Sam's "do you wanna hear one more song?" was so fucking cute

- I did get a video of the megasix but I'd get distracted by the singing and forget to turn the camera lol

[heyovivi]

ACOTAR 6? (MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ACOSF)

Okay! I just finished A Court of Silver Flames and absolutely love Nesta’s journey and this is coming from a person who didn’t really like Nesta from the beginning. Her journey of healing and finding herself was beautiful and her journey with Cassian was heart-wrenching and sexy and I just loved it all! But anyways, more on that later, I have some predictions for the next book. 

So I usually don’t go into anything without spoiling myself so before I even picked up ACOSF from a bookshelf at Target (don’t worry I was able to read both bonus chapters; meaning Azriel’s and the Feyre and Rhys’ chapters) I knew a little about ACOSF already. Now, ACOSF wasn’t deeply plotted and there wasn’t any world building like there was when we read the first three book--although it didn’t really matter to me I still enjoyed the book. ACOSF was all about Nesta and her journey and an insight to her thoughts and why she is the way she is and although I felt that at some points I hated Nesta I could still understand her frustrations and I could understand that she was deeply flawed as a character--which is fine. 

Now, even if ACOSF didn’t have a huge plot there were some key elements that will probably be very important in the next book such as Koschei, the remaining Mortal Queens, the Band of Exiles, Azriel’s journey, and Elain’s journey. But one key thing I noticed was Eris. Now he didn’t appear that much in the book and if he did it was during moments where his presence was essential to the plot (such as being kidnapped by Queen Brialynn and Koschei), but in that last chapter he appeared in it seemed like there was more to the story, to his story specifically. I think that maybe we might be getting a book on Eris. 

A lot of people say that ACOSF is reminiscent of Tower of Dawn from the Throne of Glass series, where instead of following Aelin in her quest to free her kingdom and stop Maeve, we instead venture into a Chaol-centered book where we kind of try to understand his point of view and character growth. So maybe, and this is just a theory or prediction, maybe we’ll get a similar thing with Eris. 

From that one little conversation we get with Cassian and Eris, it appears that Eris is kind’ve jealous of the Night Court and it’s relationships with the other courts in Prythian. A lot of people have already pointed how much Eris could be a lot like Rhys in the manner that Eris wants the Autumn Court to be seen not as the fiery court of rage and misery, but instead wants to be a beacon for those who dwell there. And you do see some parallels between Rhys and Eris and their upbringing with their fathers being very strict figures in their lives but with Eris there was an emphasize of abuse somewhere along the line. 

Now I’m not saying that Eris is getting a book or that his book even next, but I think that we have not heard the full story of what happened between both him and Mor, and I really want to know the entire story of what had happened in Eris’ life to make him seem like such a conniving person. But if I’m being honest I would much rather read a book about Eris’ efforts to lift the Autumn Court than a book about Mor--just my preference you don’t have to agree with me. 

Now here are my runner ups for who could be the possible voice of ACOTAR 6. 

Azriel

Elain

No, not Azriel and Elain, but Azriel or Elain. Now there were a lot of people saying that the book is either about Elain and Azriel, or Azriel and Gwyn, or Elain and Lucien--and I’m not going to shut down anyone’s theories but I’m going to share my own. Again, if you feel peeved about what sides or ships I support then stop reading when you get pissed because I can live with the fact that not everyone is going to agree with my theories.

First off, Azriel. 

I’m going to be honest, from what I read on Tumblr mainly I thought Azriel’s role in ACOSF was going to be way bigger, but I still enjoyed his dry humor and presence when he was there. Though when it comes to Miss Sarah J Mass we have to pay attention to every little detail in her books and if you caught onto his distance from Mor during the Solstice party or his reluctance to hold baby Nyx because of his scarred hands then I think it’s pretty telling that the next book could be about Azriel and his journey with coming face to face with his trauma, his past, and maybe his unsteady relationship with the Illyrians; not to mention his five century one-sided love with Mor. 

If you know me, or looked at any of my content, you should know that I am a hardcore Gwynriel shipper. I love Gwyn and fell in love with the ship almost immediately so much so that I’m embarrassed that I entertained the idea of shipping Azriel with Emerie or Clotho. I think that she might play a pivotal role in his journey to healing and that he might also play a large role in hers as well. Through his bonus chapter we can kind of see the sparks of something starting between them, I’m guessing it’s tied to theories that they are mates or to the theory that Gwyn could be a possibly lightsinger. All I know for sure right now is that Gwyn’s story is definitely not over with and I except see more of her in the future along with the other Valkyries as well. 

Finally, Elain. 

Now I don’t think the next book is about Elain but I do feel that out of all of the other characters her story is in the making? I’ve been told numerous times that Elain will be getting a book of her own, but we don’t know when and we don’t know what it is going to be about. Now, I’m not the hugest fan of Elain and it all goes back to her and Nesta just sitting around when Feyre was in the woods fighting for her life and there's as well. I know that she apologized and felt guilty afterwards but her excuse was “we gave up and she didn’t” just did not do it for me. 

It was in this passage from A Court of Thorns and Roses, where my distaste for Elain blossomed: 

The mercenary transferred the coins to my waiting palm, and I tucked them into my pocket, their weight as heavy as milestone. There was no possible chance that my sisters hadn’t spotted the money--no chance they weren’t already wondering how they might persuade me to give them some. 

...I felt my sisters sweep closer, like vultures circling a carcass. 

Like at least we knew Nesta was the “wolf” as she described herself. We knew she had a sharp-tongue and we knew she could be a bitch with her words. But Elain, she was described as innocent and nice, and yes when you paint her in a garden with flowers and frilly dresses she does just seem like some Cinderella-like character but after five books, especially after ACOSF my hate for Elain has just grown. Like after ACOWAR, I just thought she was boring--yes, she had a hand in killing the king of Hybern but that hype was kind’ve stolen away when Nesta ripped his head from his body. 

Since then, we haven’t really, really got a full look through with Elain and a large part of that is because we haven’t gotten her point of view, like not even in A Court of Frost and Starlight. From what we know about her, canonically, no theories or anything, she likes to garden, she likes to cook, her friends are Cerridwen and Nuala, she doesn’t want to confront that bond she has with Lucien, and she has an attraction to Azriel. But beyond that we don’t know anything--there were things that I kept out even though they were mentioned in ACOSF but there is also a lot of mystery around the things she said and claimed to do--even Cassian questioned them but didn’t approach her about the topic. 

I don’t think we have enough of a story to build up on Elain. For the most part I feel like her presence in ACOSF was mostly there to just piss Nesta off. Literally, in every scene she has with Nesta, she is pissing her off, setting her off, making her yell or scream, or making the silver flames ignite. And this is extremely out of character for Elain. Yes, we don’t get enough of her, but from what we can gather, Elain usually is not one to push buttons but I wonder why she did with Nesta. 

Here are a few passages that I just found beguiling while reading Nesta’s interactions with Elain: 

Elain stepped closer, brown eyes wide. Undoubtedly wholly convinced of her own innocence, her innate goodness. “It’s the truth. We did this because we love you, and we worry for you, and if Father were here--”

“Don’t ever mention him.” Nesta bared her teeth, but kept her voice low. “Never fucking mention him again.” 

Mentioning their father? A very taboo subject for Nesta. And Elain stans like to argue that Elain is quiet and docile because she is an observer. She takes things in and she tucks them away in her memory, but if she’d paid so much attention then why would she mention their father to Nesta? Feyre noted Nesta’s relationship with their father in book one, so there is no way that Elain herself didn’t know about it. 

Here is  another line from their conversation I thought were very weird to read about and I’ll explain why: 

Elain crossed her arms and said calmly, sadly, “Feyre warned me this might happen.” 

Bullseye. Nesta doesn’t like to be talked about, to be judged. We learned that in ACOSF and again if Elain was this person who sees and pays attention she should’ve known this or caught on. 

I think in this scene, Elain was purposely trying to set off Nesta. 

Nesta cleared her throat. “Cassian said it might be good if I came.”

Elain’s eyes flickered. “Did Feyre pay you, like last year?” 

“No,” shame washed over her. 

Elain sighed, glancing over Nesta’s shoulder to the open doorway across the entry. The party within, only for their small inner circle. “Please don’t upset Feyre. It’s her birthday, first of all. And in her state--”

“Oh, fuck you,” Nesta snapped, and then choked. 

Nesta was actually trying to get better at this point. She even risked going to a party despite not feeling welcomed just because Cassian told her it might be good for her to be surrounded by her family and for her not be alone on the holiday. You could even tell how by the way Nesta is keeping herself away she is still uncomfortable but the thing is she still showed up which is a sure sign she is improving. 

I don’t know why Elain started talking about the year before or about upsetting Feyre--literally wanted to slap the bitch in this scene. Like I just want to know why Elain pressed so hard. Then afterwards she waved it off as if she hadn’t just said what she said and acted normally. I can not tell you how mad I was at this--like especially for a sensitive character like Nesta who is ALWAYS In her thoughts and always takes things to a deep level. Like what Elain said could’ve just broken a vital part of Nesta and caused her to relapse. 

Anyways, I think Elain’s behavior in ACOSF could hint at the Evil Elain theory. Although I don’t think it’s going to come in the next book--it might build in the next book but at most I think Elain’s story will come to fruition in ACOTAR 7 or 8 and isn’t going to be about her journey or soul searching but maybe we’ll be getting the point of view of a villain. Like there were many mysterious hints dropped in ACOSF and the way I interpreted them is that Elain is planning something and if her behavior matches her actions, it’s something that could possibly affect her sisters. 

Plus, you have to wonder how Brialynn and Koschei knew everything. They knew all the IC’s moves and all of Nesta’s moves...but how? A lot of the time when Nesta was given a mission by Rhys it was in the River House and we also know that Elain has been getting better at sneaking around without being detected so it’s not too farfetched that Elain could be the spy. You don’t have to agree with me but I think it’s a pretty solid theory as far as they go. 

But do tell me your thoughts I would love to hear them. I’m sorry if I offended anyone in the end but we all have to just respect everyone’s opinion so no fights or slander, especially in my comment section. 

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Irish-ness of Dracula, if you wanna ramble about it!

(Okay I just want to apologise for how long this took to answer because I know it’s been sitting in my inbox for over a month but..depression and work happened and I just didn’t have the time or energy to complete it. I seriously do apologise for this but I hope you enjoy the post anyway!)

So the first thing I need to clear up is this: the concept of a monster or a demon that feeds upon the life force of humans is not limited to one singular culture or folklore. In fact, this core concept is a wider cultural phenomenon and variations of it exist across both countries and continents. And no one country can take sole credit for the this core concept of vampires. Anyone who tries to claim otherwise either doesn’t know much about vampires or is intentionally being disingenuous. There can be cultural variations that are specific to certain folklores (and to just blatantly steal these would be cultural appropriation), but the main idea of vampires exists across a wide range of folklores and no singular person, group of people or culture can take credit for the creation of vampires.

However, arguably it was the work of Bram Stoker that aided in the solidification of the concept of Vampires that we know today. While there were other authors from a wide range of nationalities who wrote about Vampires before Stoker (including John William Polidori who wrote the Vampyre in 1819)...Dracula is the best known. (Now I personally believe that’s because Dracula is an absolutely banging novel, although I do concede that the prevalence of adaptations of Dracula from the 1920’s to today helps keep Dracula in the forefront of audiences minds.) In addition, it’s important to remember that Stoker was inspired by another Irish author Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, who wrote the novel Carmilla. As far as I know, Le Fanu and Stoker actually worked together on a magazine!

Another thing I think that needs clarification is the common belief that Stoker heavily/religiously based Dracula on the historical figure Vlad the Impailer. This is heavily debated by scholars. While there’s an obvious, undeniable similarity between the names of these two...the similarities start to wain after this, with only small similarities between the two and there’s even literal contradictions between the history of Vlad the Impailer and Dracula’s history in the novel. In fact, there’s not much indication that Stoker based the character Dracula off Vlad the Impailer, or even that he had a working knowledge of Vlad the Impailer beyond the name. In all 124 pages of his notes, there’s nothing to indicate that Stoker’s inspiration for Dracula came from Vlad the Impailer.

(Plus Dracula in the novel wasn’t even originally called Dracula...he was called Count Wampyr in the original drafts of the novel and this was only changed, from what I can gather, in the last couple of drafts.)

In fact, I’d personally argue that that connection between Vlad the Impailer and Dracula is actually something that’s been retroactively added by other artists, for example the 1992 film “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” heavily leaned into this idea that Dracula and Vald the Impailer were one in the same, and as time has progressed people assume that these elements were in the original novel when that’s simply untrue! Stoker didn’t write that! It’s a retroactive addition by other artists that’s just assumed by the masses to be canon. This phenomenon is actually super interesting and it’s absolutely not limited to Stoker’s novel Dracula/the modern day perception of Dracula (another example would be Mary Shelley’s version of Frankenstein versus the modern day perception Frankenstein). I’m not sure if there’s a word for what this is, but I like the term “cultural canon”, where something that’s been added in by other artists has become as good as canon within the minds of the masses and as such is ingrained within the cultural perception of something, despite it having no basis within the original piece or even directly contradicting what is in canon.

(Now I’ll absolutely concede that Stoker taking the name of a historical figure and possibly their likeness from another country and making them into a literal monster is something that should be discussed. I don’t know how Vlad the Impailer is viewed within Romania - whether he’s viewed positively or negatively or a mixture - but regardless he was a historical figure and Stoker did eventually use that name for his own creative purposes. Again, Stoker didn’t say that Dracula and Vlad the Impailer were the same person, that’s other artists doing, but there’s still issues with Stoker that needs to be discussed)

Now, I’ve seen people talk about how Stoker took a lot of inspiration from the Baltic folklore surrounding vampires for his novel, but I don’t really know this folklore very well and therefore I don’t feel like I’m qualified to discuss it. If anyone is more well versed in this topic wants to add to this post then they’re more than welcome to! I don’t deny that Stoker too inspiration from places other than Ireland (like the novel is set in Whitby) but I just feel like people over hype the relation between stokers Dracula and Vlad the Impailer.

Now, onto the Irish mythology side!

So the most obvious inspiration for Dracula comes from the story of Abhartach. here is a link to an actual, respectable retelling of the story of Abhartach which I’d highly recommend people read (it’s really not that long) but the key points go as follows:

There was this Irish chieftain called Abhartach, who was really cruel and the townsfolk didn’t really like him. So, the townsfolk and another cheiftain (known as Cathain) banded together to kill Abhartach. They did succeed in killing him (yay), however, Abhartach just sort of...rose from the dead and began another reign of terror (not yay). However, Abhartach needed to be sustained by blood and required a bowlful every day to sustain his energy. Cathain comes back and kills Abhartach once again, but Abhartach rises from the dead once more and now needs more blood. Abhartach is only banished when Cathain uses a word made from yew wood and wounds Abhartach with it. Abhartach is buried upside down with a grant stone over the grave to stop Abhartach rising once again.

Sound familiar? The similarities between Abhartach and Dracula are undeniable! Yes, there’s some differences between the two but the core story here is almost identical. I could totally reword that paragraph, omitting the names, and it would be indistinguishable from a short summary of Dracula! Even the way that the main characters find out about the wooden weapon that can kill the monster is similar, as both Jonathan and Cathain go to wiser and older members of their community to learn more.

(Also please mythology blogs don’t come for me I know my retelling was an incredible oversimplification but I’m writing on my iPad and my thumbs are starting to hurt. People have wrote full papers on the similarities between Dracula and Abhartach and there’s so many more people more qualified than me, I’m just an 18 year old trying to make a fun and interesting tumblr post. Again, if anyone wants add anything like extra sources or more information or even to point out my mistakes then I more than welcome the additions)

Another piece of folklore that’s also said to have inspired Dracula is the Dearg Due. Now there’s multiple different versions of the tale, but the version I have heard goes like this:

There’s a noble woman who wants to marry a penniless peasant boy, but her dad disapproves and wants her to marry another man who is much richer. The rich man and the noble woman were eventually married but the woman didn’t love the rich man. In retaliation, the rich man locked the woman in a windowless castle where she starved to death. The woman was buried by the locals who took pity on her, but because she was buried hungry she came back to life and drank the blood of her father and her husband as revenge. The version I heard says that the dearg due now basically wanders ireland drinking the blood of men who have hurt or wronged women (as one should) but there’s other endings to the story.

(Again is anyone has a reliable source they want to share then please feel free to add!)

So this is another Irish piece of folklore that clearly includes some elements that we now associate with vampires. Now people (including Wikipedia) claim that this story was specifically what Stoker based Dracula on, and while I definitely think that Stoker was aware of this story and took inspiration from it, I personally think that the Dearg Due inspired the concept of Dracula’s wives more than Dracula himself.

However the key point still stands: Stoker was likely aware of these legends and even the most staunchly anti-Irish person would have to concede that there’s similarities between all three stories. And very rarely are these similarities discussed in classes about Dracula...which I feel is a real disservice. I don’t think students should have to have an intense knowledge of Irish mythology (my knowledge is spotty at best) nor do I think it should be an exam question...but even a brief acknowledgment of “hey, Stoker was inspired by these stories and you can clearly see similarities between them” would be nice. Moreover, it further solidifies my original argument that Stoker was, at least to some extent, Irish and that his Irishness inherently influenced his work.

Also...the social context of what was going on in Ireland in this period can’t be ignored! Again, while Stoker did spend time in both England and Romania, he spent a lot of his life in Ireland and therefore would have known what was going on in his own country.

Dracula was published in 1897, which is exactly 50 years after the worst year of the Irish Famine/ The Great Hunger/An Gorta Mór. Now I don’t have time to do a whole history of the Great Hunger but the effects of the famine were greatly exacerbated by the horrific mismanagement of Ireland by the British government and the British system of ruling in Ireland. How many people died during the famine isn’t clear, but we do know that the population of Ireland at the time was 8 million and the population today is 6 million...200 years later and we still haven’t recovered. So while we all like to joke about the fact that Stoker wrote about an unfeeling member of the aristocracy literally feeding off others with no remorse and basically ruining their lives...are we really going to pretend that there isn’t social commentary there? Scholars specifically think that Stoker was commenting on the absentee landlords (basically British aristocrats who owned land in Ireland but didn’t live there and as such didn’t care about the well being of their tenants) who would often have tenants forced off the land when they couldn’t pay rent...despite the fact that their tenenants were already starving and had no money because their only source of food and income failed.

(I’m not being shady by the way, I also love to joke about the social implications of Dracula, but I feel like people forget that the jokes have actual points behind them)

There was also a cholera epidemic in Ireland in 1832 which is generally accepted to be one of Stoker’s biggest inspirations. You can read more about the epidemic here if you wish, but I’ll summarise what I feel are the key points. Not only was Stoker’s mother from county Sligo and lived through this cholera epidemic, but Stoker also asked her to write down her memories of the epidemic and used her accounts to aid in his research of the cholera epidemic. Now the fact that he was actively researching this should indicate that it would influence his work, especially considering the situation in county Sligo was incredibly morbid. There’s accounts of the 20 carpenters in Sligo town being unable to make enough coffins to keep up with the amount of people dying, resulting in hundreds of dead bodies just lying on the street. However, the most horrific account from this epidemic was the stories of terrified nurses placing cholera patients into mass graves while they were still alive. Stoker himself literally stated that Dracula was “inspired by the idea of someone being buried before they were fully dead”. So while at first there seems to be very little relation between the novel and a medical epidemic, it quickly becomes clear that Stoker’s fascination with this historical event influenced his writing.

My overall point is that Stoker’s irishness inherently influenced his writing. Writers don’t write in their own little bubble, divorced from the world around them, their views and work are shaped by their position in society and their upbringing (it’s why I dislike death of the author as a literary theory). So when people try to claim that Dracula is a piece of British literature...it indicates either a lack of understanding of the context in which Stoker was writing in or a wilful ignorance founded on colonialist ideas. His influences are so obvious to me as an Irish woman but they rarely get discussed, and even if they are it’s seen as overreaching! To call Dracula British literature and to ignore the inherent Irishness of the novel does a great disservice to Stoker!

Anyways I really hope you enjoyed this discussion my love! Once again I apologise for how long this took to write. Also I’m sorry if this comes off as argumentative or anything, that absolutely wasn’t my intention, I just have a particular style of writing long posts haha.

[carriagelamp]

Since it’s Pride Month, I decided this year I wanted to raid the library for a bunch of different queer books to read. Mostly graphic novels in this case, because I’ve had a hard time settling into much reading lately... thought hopefully now that it’s summer and I finally have my second shot I’ll be able to relax a bit more and dig into some heavier novels again. For now, enjoy some light, queer reads that I indulged in this June.

A Wolf Called Wander

A beautiful novel I had been hearing lots about. This story follows the young wolf Swift, who grows up knowing that he and his pack are the mountains, and the mountains are them. It’s in those mountains that he grows and learns and loves… until disaster strikes and he finds himself viciously torn apart from his family and forced out of the mountains that have always meant home to him. Forced to survive on his own. Swift then begins a gruelling journey that makes him face injury, starvation, and the everpresent danger of humans as he seeks a new place he can call home, and new people with whom he can form a pack.

This is all based on the true story of a tagged wolf known as OR-7, following the unbelievable route he took through Oregon and northern California! It was a very neat read, and I’d definitely recommend it if you enjoy stories told from an animal’s perspective because this book is a master class in it.

Bloom

I decided for June to try to read a handful of different queer books, and this was one of the first graphic novels I picked up. It is a super sweet story and the art is lovely. It’s about Ari, a boy who has just graduated high school and is now desperate to move away from his small town and his family’s struggling bakery, to join his band in the city where they hope to make it big. An agreement is finally reached: Ari’s father will let him leave, if he can find someone who can replace him in the bakery, which is how Ari meets Hector, someone who sees artistry and peace in baking. For anyone that’s read Check, Please, it gives off those types of vibes!

Boule et Bill: Bill est Maboul

Another book of Dupuis comics, because I can’t get enough of them! This one I just stumbled across and ended up reading on a whim but it was very cute. Geared younger than the others I’ve read, but still quite funny. It’s the charming hijinks of a young boy, his dog, and the family they live with. Each page or so is a different stand alone joke, a bit like Calvin and Hobbes except expanded beyond a single strip.

Chicken Run: Chicken Pies for the Soul

This was a ridiculous urge I got and had to follow. I recently rewatched Chicken Run (which is, of course, one of the best movies ever made) and felt the need to see if it had ever been novelized. Well, I found something better than a novelization! This is a chapter book with “advice” and stories written by the various characters, post-movie. It really does a good job with grasping the different characters’ voices and making something simple and funny out of it. It was very cute (and available on The Internet Archive if anyone else feels like reading something ridiculous!)

Doodleville

I picked this up on a whim and honestly, I shouldn’t have bothered. It was not very impressive. Very mediocre, awkward feeling artwork, and a story that only slightly manages to redeem it. The concept was kind of neat, and I did like how the ending came about, the rest was rather… plodding. I did not like the main character at all, her friends felt very Intentionally Quirky Aren’t We Cute :3 in a way that just tries too hard, and… yeah. Meh. It technically gets the “queer graphic novel flag” but it’s so in-passing that it feels rather excessive to give it that.

If you are interested, it’s about a world were doodles actually exist as living creatures that can be drawn into existence (the rather unsettling implications of which is never fully explored). This is all well and good, until the main character draws a monster and takes it with her to her art club... where it begins ravanging not only her doodles, but those of her friends. Together they need to work together to figure out how to stop this menace.

FRNCK v4

Phenomenal. I adore the FRNCK series, and book four wrapped up the first “cycle”, revealing several of the big secrets dogging the series so far, and changing how things are going to be able to run in the future.

If you haven’t seen me talk about it before, FRNCK is a graphic novel (a franco-belgian bande dessinée) about a young orphan, Franck, who’s chafing under the constant parade of uninterested foster parents that visit the orphanage he lives in. Determined to learn about his mysterious abandonment instead, he flees the orphanage… but finds himself tumbling through time, landing among a family of cave-people who rather reluctantly take him in and ensure this modern boy doesn’t die in the strange, dangerous new surroundings he finds himself in. You can get these ones in English as e-books, so if you want a really kickass graphic novel series to read please try these.

Haikyu!!

I’ve heard so much about Haikyu!! that I finally gave in and picked up the first book from the library. And I gotta say, it’s well worth the hype! This series really does capture the best parts of a good sports manga -- which is to say the team is filled with interesting, enjoyable character who all need to learn to pull together, boost each other’s strengths, and cover for each other’s weaknesses. Love me some found family tropes and this series oozes it in the best possible way. And then you also get some very cool action scenes as it makes high school volleyball seem like the most intense thing on earth. I can’t wait to continue it

Queer Eye

I haven’t been keeping up with Queer Eye but I was watching it ravenously when it first came out, and this seemed like a very cathartic book to read… and it really was. It had the same gentle, loving encouragement as the show. It doesn’t expect you to change your entire life, but to learn to embrace who you are, and take small steps to enhance those things. There a segment written (presumably) by each member of the Fab Five, explaining the mentality behind what they do on the show and how you can grow in those areas too. It’s very zen.

Spinning

I got this graphic novel out at the same time as Bloom, but it was the one that interested me less of the two... though that’s just because I have less interest in “real world” slice of life as a genre and this one is meant to be autobiographical. If you’re into that, you’ll probably love this because it really is stunning. Very pretty, and the format and pacing is all really well done. It’s a coming of age story for Tillie as she grows up dealing with a crosscountry move, complicated friendships, a burgeoning attraction to girls, and attending competitive figure skating classes.

This Place: 150 Years Retold

A stunning and heart-wrenching graphic novel told by a collection of different First Nation’s authors/artists, recounting oral histories about the 150 years since the colonialist formation of the country known as “Canada”. In other words, this is a post-apocalypse story, but one that really happened and that entire peoples are still fighting to survive. It’s very eye opening and beautifully told. Very strongly recommend the read, especially if you’re at all interested in history.

Torchwood: Serenity

Whoops, not technically a book. I had thought these were technically audiobooks at first, but rather they’re audio dramas that were played on the radio. Still, I decided to include one because I’ve been listening to them like a person possessed and they’re too fun not to at least mention. Let me indulge in my obsessions.

If you don’t know Torchwood, it’s a BBC series that spins-off from Doctor Who, focusing on the enigmatic and flirtatious Captain Jack Harkness, who is running the covert organization known as Torchwood, which is tasked to protect humanity from and prepare them for alien contact. It’s goofy and campy but also more adult and heavy than Doctor Who tends to get, so it is (in my opinion) a really fascinating series. Though it also has content warnings coming out the wazoo so maybe make sure it’s for you before delving in.

Serenity specifically is possibly one of the best Torchwood stories I’ve ever experienced. The Torchwood team concludes that there’s an undercover alien hiding in the idyllic gated community Serenity Plaza, and so that means it’s up to Jack and Ianto to go undercover as a happily married couple and flush out the alien without being discovered first. Even if it means being sickly sweet together, pretending to care about the local neighbourhood barbecues, and actually caring a bit too much about the Best Front Lawn competition. What is truly magical about this one, is that it manages to make it a Fake Dating AU despite the fact that Jack and Ianto are actually dating in canon. But they’re both used to dating as a pair of alien hunters with insanely dysfunctional lives, and who now need to figure out how to deal with domesticity. It is marvellous.

Wilderlore: The Accidental Apprentice

A middle grade novel that felt a bit like a cross between Harry Potter and Pokemon. It’s about orphan Barclay Thorne who wants nothing more than to be accepted in the rule-bound village of Dullshire, and live up to his apprenticeship as a mushroom farmer. He certainly wants nothing to do with the fearsome Beasts who live beyond the village, deep in the Woods or the sinister Lorekeepers that bond with them. It was, after all, a Beast that had killed his parents all those years ago. But when he finds himself at the very edge of the forest, hunting for an elusive mushroom, he is suddenly unable to avoid any of that. Not when a wild girl and her bonded dragon appear to summon a horrible Beast and end up getting Barclay bonded to it instead. Now, if Barclay ever wants to be welcomed back into his home, he has no choice but to venture into the Woods and find a way to sever the bond imprisoning him to the massive, monstrous wolf now imprinted on his body as a living tattoo.

I honestly can’t decide how I felt about this one. I feel like it’d be a really fun read for maybe a grade 5 to 7 student? I was a bit more meh about it. It was fine, but it was very hard not to draw unfavourable parallels to Harry Potter. But for a kid who’s never read Harry Potter? Or even an adult that has but is looking for something different to scratch that itch, this might be a good book to try. I’ll probably try reading the second book when it comes out.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[absolutepx]

So I've been playing Death Stranding lately. Wait, that's not what this post is about. Well, it kind of is. Hang on. What is Death Stranding about?

A: Norman Reedus getting bare ass naked B. Sneaking around ghosts with the help of your sidekick, an actual baby C: Carrying 50 Amazon packages up a hill while trying to not topple over D: Waking up in the morning and drinking 5 Monster Energy™ for breakfast

For those following along at home, the answer is actually none of the above. Despite the set dressing being bizarre to the point of near absurdity, what the game is actually about, like thematically, is actually really simple.

See, the development of Death Stranding was actually quite a trip. Hideo Kojima is the video game world's equivalent of an auteur director. He has a very recognizable personal style. It's thoroughly horny – he caught a bunch of shit for the design of Quiet in MGSV, but like, a lot of Kojima characters are just -like that-, including the dudes. Also, this is going to possibly be important later.

Anyway, so Kojima was going to do a rebootmakequel of Silent Hill, and the demo actually made it to the PS store and I could actually write a whole side essay about why P.T. (it was called P.T. for some reason btw) was brilliant game design for how it used the same hallway over and over and it was somehow beneficial to the overall feeling of horror. So Konami it turns out kinda sucks nowadays and they like, fired Kojima (they were huge dicks about it behind closed doors, too) and scrapped the project and kicked him out on the street and kept the Metal Gear series which was his baby (literally the baby in the sink in P.T., he snuck a bunch of messaging about the Konami situation into the demo like a breakup album) and Kojima would go on to form his own studio and poach some of the people who worked with him to boot. So the thing about Kojima is this: he's got a reputation for already putting some wild shit in his games, like a ladder that takes like 10 real time minutes to climb in MGS3 for dramatic effect, and a boss in MGS3 that summons the ghosts of all the people you were too lazy to stealth past and killed, or a sniper battle with a really old guy that he wanted to have last two weeks or some shit until he died of old age but he was "told that "this was impossible and not recommended." That is a real quote I just looked up. So he's coming off the heels of making this hugely successful game with MGSV and the hype of the P.T. Demo and he fucking, he like took all the people that were going to be working on P.T. Along like Guillermo Del Toro was going to co-write it and Norman Reedus was going to star in it, and he's like, I'm going to make this game called Death Stranding. And the first trailer comes out for it and it's completely nuts. Norman Reedus wakes up naked on a beach crying with a baby and there are floating people in the sky? So we're all like hooooooly shit, there's no one to tell him "this is impossible and not recommended" anymore. What's he going to make now!?

So the whole time the game is in development I keep seeing these tweets where it'll be like, Kojima and one of his homies smiling with some saccharine message about being spiritual warriors and changing the world. And not just Del Toro and Reedus, there was Mads Mikkelsen (another guy Kojima puts in the game just because he apparently loves him), and the band Chvches, and also like, Keanu Reeves at one point? You know how everyone has just kind of accepted that Keanu is a being of light? Here he was endorsing Kojima. The hype was pretty confused and frantic.

The game eventually comes out. A lot of game journos hate it because I think there was this expectation it was going to be, you know, less weird and have more of the conventional structure of a video game. That's not to say the average gamer wasn't also dismissive of it, but I think on the ground level there was more of an understanding that like, yeah, Kojima just be like that sometimes.

Because the game was a timed console exclusive and your homie don't play like that, I spent the first year or so cautiously viewing Death Stranding from a distance. I wasn't sure I was going to like it – except for being really impressed with P.T., I wasn't actually a big fan of Kojima's games as games – but I -was- sure that I was going to buy it, because of the way Konami fucked him over, just out of support. And the shit I was hearing was really out there. The primary mode of gameplay is just delivery packages. You collect Norman Reedus' bathwater and pee and use it as grenades. You get a motorcycle that looks like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus, and when you sit on it, his character in the game says "Wow, this thing is like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus!"

But I didn't really want to know that much about it. Something has that much fucking crazy person energy, you want to go in mostly blind, right? So maybe people just weren't talking about this, or maybe I wasn't seeing it, but then I watched Girlfriend Reviews' video about it and they came right out and said it (link provided if you want to hear Shelby say it more articulately than me):

Death Stranding is basically about the exact opposite of Twitter. It's about remembering how to be kind to each other, how to reconnect in a world where people are so often hostile to each other by default. Prophetically, it's about a world where people are afraid to go outside or touch other people and how damaging that is. It's not a game about carrying packages, it's a game about helping people by being brave enough to walk through a wasteland carrying their burdens because they can't. It's about rebuilding the lost connections between people, about restoring roads and giving people hope. I bet, for Kojima and the people close to him, it's about how to answer hostility with compassion. You can't kill people in Death Stranding. You can and are absolutely encouraged to fucking throw hands with people sometimes, but all the tools and weapons are nonlethal. So I think Kojima took all the Twitter heat he got over the Quiet nontroversy, and all the feelings of isolation he had from Konami separating him from his team during the end of the development of MGSV, and all the support and encouragement he got from his bros Del Toro and Mads and the rest, and decided to channel that into making a game that was a statement about all of it. And sure, it's a little heavy handed, and sure, it's a little saccharine, and sure, the gameplay sometimes borders on miserable in service of creating emotional payoffs. For me, especially in 2020, this message is a huge success. Social media should be an opportunity for all of us to feel more connected to each other, yet primarily it feels like one of the main forces driving people apart. Why is that? Why is the internet of today such a hostile place? I'm old enough to remember web 1.0: I can haz cheezburger memes; YTMND; the early wild west days of Youtube... What happened to us? I've thrown the blame at Twitter in the past, and I think the architecture of the user experience on Twitter is absolutely a big piece of the puzzle, because it fosters negative interactions. But in terms of the behavior, people have observed that 2018 Twitter was actually almost exactly like 2014 Tumblr. (For the record, Tumblr is now one of the chillest places left on the internet, because so few fucks are left to give.)

I think part of it is the anonymity. The dehumanizing disconnection of the separation of screens and miles. Louis CK, before he was cancelled, had a great point about cyberbullying, and why it's so much more savage than kids are IRL. When you pick on someone in person and you are confronted with seeing the pain you caused them, for most sane people it causes negative feedback and you become disgusted with your actions and eventually learn to stop being a shithead. Online, at best you can "break the wrist, walk away".

At worst, you can become addicted to "clout chasing" and the psychological thrill of being cheered on by your social ingroup. It's even worse if you feel like it's not bullying and your actions are justified because whoever you've targeted is a bad person so you don't have to feel bad about what you do to them. This is where reductive, unhelpful catchphrases like "punch a nazi" come in. For every argument, one or both sides have convinced themselves that the other side is subhuman because their beliefs are so disgusting. And sometimes it's even true! A lot of times, especially these days, people really are acting like animals or worse online. Entire disinformation engines are roaring day and night, churning out garbage and cluttering the social consciousness. (Kojima talked about this bit, too, way back in MGS2. As if I wasn't already in danger of losing my thread through this.)

The human brain was not built to live like this. You can't wake up every morning, roll over and open your phone, and be immediately faced with a tidal wave of anger and indignity. It wasn't built to be aware of fully how horrible the world is at any moment ALL AT ONCE, ALL THE TIME. And you will be. Because of another way that our brain works – the way we are more likely to share negative opinions. And because of the cottage industry built on farming outrage clicks, and because of constant performative activism.

It's not that I don't agree that being informed is important.

It's not that I don't agree that the causes people get riled up about are important.

They are. They absolutely are.

But we can't keep living like this. The constant, unending flood of tragedy, arguments, and hot takes. How much of the negativity we associate with online culture is the product of this feedback loop? What if the rise of doomer culture has been, if not entirely created by, has been nourished and exacerbated by our hostile attitudes toward each other?  Incels and TERFs, white supremacists, radfems, tankies and Trumpers – it seems like on every side of every issue, there are people simultaneously getting it wrong in multiple directions at once and there are more being radicalized every day. They are the toxic waste left behind by the state of discourse. And any hill is a hill worth dying on.

So what am I actually advocating? I don't know. There are a lot of fights going on right now that are important and we can't just climb into bunkers and ignore our problems hoping that Norman Reedus and his fine ass are going to leave the shit we need on our doorsteps. We need to find the strength to carry those hypothetical packages for ourselves sometimes - and hopefully, for others as well. Humans are social creatures. We need interaction and enrichment.

We need love.

So just try to remember the connections between humanity. Try to put more good stuff into the world when you can. Share more shitposts and memes. Tell your friends and family that you love them. Share good news when you hear it. Go on a weird fucking tangent about Death Stranding. Find a way to "be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes."

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

G R A CE I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY I WAS TO SEE BANDSTAND ON MY DASH TODAY :D what are your favourite things about it/what do you love about it?

THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS BECAUSE NOW I CAN TALK ABOUT ONE OF MY HOLY TRINITY OF MUSICALS (the others being of course Hadestown and Anastasia, because my taste is a little basic but also imo excellent). 

So first of all, I love the music style and the choreography, because it’s all so based on ‘40s music and I genuinely do love that style.  It’s so fun and upbeat and energetic and just big, and I love it.  And the dancing is such a brilliant mixture between actual dance from that period and more modern spins on it, it’s really fresh while also seeming vintage, and really it has my whole heart for that. 

I could just list why I love all the characters, but I’m not going to, but I must touch on how I genuinely love how Donny is actually arrogant, but it’s somehow charming.  I mean, in Donny Novitski, there’s so much confidence to the point of overconfidence, but it’s never to the extent that he’s unpleasant.  It’s rare for leading men to have that in any type of media, and to maintain that confidence until the end, it’s still there in the Epilogue, he’s still hyping himself up.  But! then that’s set off by how uncomfortable he is with Julia, both because of what happened to Michael and his guilt, but also because he’s falling in love with her, and the juxtaposition is very good, and very well done that neither aspects of his character seem disjointed.  They can both come together in the same person. 

Julia of course has every inch of my heart, because she’s so real, in that she did love Michael, of course she did, but that cannot be everything that she was or ever be.  She’s almost an example of healing even when you don’t want to heal - how her first song is how she’s celebrated as a war widow but she wants to just be Julia again in part, everything about Love Will Come, how she does fall in love with Donny. At first I thought it was oddly fast, how she went from discovering Michael was killed in friendly fire and it was Donny’s fault to falling in love with him, but I think the journey she has to make isn’t to move on from Michael’s death.  She already has.  it’s accepting that she has healed, that healing is allowed, that you can forgive yourself for growing and that doesn’t mean you didn’t love him, it just means the human heart moves on. 

Because fundamentally I think it’s a show about forgiving yourself.  Donny of course has to forgive himself for Michael, but all the other band members have to, to a certain extent, forgive themselves for the horrors they have seen and the trauma they have brought back.  It’s not made explicit, but the fact that Wayne’s relationship with his children has deteriorated, the fact that Davy drinks, all these forms of ptsd when everyone else is insisting that it should be just like it was before, there’s a strong sense of guilt in my opinion that they aren’t living up to it, that they should be celebrating themselves as much as they are celebrated, but they aren’t.  And the finale, the decision to sing the original version of Welcome Home, that’s forgiveness of themselves! That’s saying “all this darkness that we’ve brought back isn’t something that should be ignored, it’s something everyone who went out brought back and it’s not something shameful!”  The point is to forgive themselves and then realise that they really have nothing to forgive themselves for! And they do!

Of course, I cry so much because of all the reasons but especially because the healing power of music will always be one of my favourite themes.  How they’re all so broken but they can still make music together? Amazing, impeccable.  Also, the mingling of the Counterpoint with Pie Jesu? the suggesting that music is a saving force, that it is almost divine? that it lifts out of the darkness? I cry so much. 

(also, I would die for any modern story that has explicitly Christian characters where it’s never made a big deal of, because it’s more and more rare.  Julia goes to church, she sings at the church, we love to see it). 

Special shout out to the line “there’s nothing heroic about it” in Who I Was for breaking my heart every time for no reason. 

And fundamentally the importance of the happy ending.  Because I enjoy good endings of all kinds, of course, but a show that worked so hard to accurately depict the struggles of ptsd and being a veteran, especially set in a time when no one knew what ptsd was and there was much less awareness could have so easily had a bittersweet or a tragic ending.  It was right there for the taking, it was so possible and it would have worked! It would have emphasised the themes.  But they didn’t.  Sure, they didn’t win the contest, but they become famous and successful and their stories were told, and they won! That doesn’t mean they don’t suffer any more, but it is ultimately a story of triumph where it didn’t need to be, and in my opinion that gives it so much more power, because it shows that just seeing this problem and throwing up your hands and giving in won’t change anything.  But if you do try, there is the hope that you might, there is the possibility of change.  The darkness is not all-consuming, all is not lost.  It’s such a wonderful show.  The healing throughout just makes me sob like a baby. 

I would love to hear what you love about it, it honestly has every inch of my heart!