#i really need to go to bed and stop using tumblr as a journal

[ancient-reverie]

s/o to my fellow systems whose brains are just wild and will see a nice rock and make an alter. like okay brain, that's nice thank you. no idea what started us as a system, but over the years we've had many new people form and the causes are varied. this is not a full list, just a couple of experiences

i want to preface that there is nearly no way to "prove" if these are true reasons or not as is the nature of dissociation. but they FEEL right and it's our brain so we would have some idea. and it Doesn't Really Matter in the end being as what matters is that we Are Here Now.

really we made this as a list so maybe someone who needed to could relate to or laugh at one or more of the things

a lot of feelings about not being able to sing gave us a vocaloid with a broken voice

almost drowning landed us a transmasc siren

started writing a new character and oops hi pretty okay and strong girl

"i need a big brother"

some really bad shit went down in mindspace (this happened often when we were younger) and an alter or two were traumatized so write a note to wait two months and start looking for a new one but still be surprised and confused when the new one comes up anyway

some symptom got too much to handle so now it's this guys turn wait who is this guy

discovered a new song and listened to it on repeat and maladaptive daydreamed someone a new friend or child

bestie said we weren't friends no more so i'm gonna become someone who has never met bestie

We Aren't Talking About The YouTuber That We Watched Too Much Of And Used For Emotional Support Until They Showed Up And We Pulled Off A Perfect [redacted] Accent And Refuse To Speak Of Since (sorry)

uncomfortable moment you will only ever be Confused about despite being able to remember it and what was happening

every alter rotating out during the Suicidal TimesTM until there's no one else who can handle it so yOu MakE ONe and they're actually really happy for a minute and can appear to break the depressive session but very quickly realizes what they're in for and joins the rest of the Sad Club, thanks for the help buddy, sorry and welcome to the club we have weed

Bird Hyperfixation

"i need a new mom"

Vampire hyperfixation

literally just a different version of an existing alter. alternate-timeline 'if this had happened or hadn't happened' or future/older selves

you really liked this character in that show but your brain for some reason won't take the actual character. oh no it has to make its own person that is an exact mirror of that character! but it wont tell you! you have to forget all about that character until 10 years later when the alter realizes it but they're so different now you don't actually know but it probably shaped you in some way

had a slut phase on discord and the fake personality 2 of the alters used online turned into her own person

You haven't met the alter that you know exists because you asked for them to exist at the same time you heard your father cry for the first time at 27 when you all Lost a creature who the whole system considered their daughter.

people just form when the brain decides it's a good idea for us. it's been awhile since we've had a new fully fleshed out alter who has the energy and desire to be out/slots into the main group that takes care of most things. when new ones form these days (like 2.3 every 4 years) it's "quieter" people that pop up, introduce themselves, and then chill in mindspace with the rest and we don't really hear from them much.

Last we counted we have about 50 people (we counted a long time ago i'll be honest), but on a daily basis only about 3-5 people are active and it's not always through the whole day. at least 2-3 are always active. Siruss is the only one who can solo we dunno why.

our usual routine someone will be out and they'll have a co-fronter and or a couple background buddy(ies), and then the co-fronter and background people change after a week to a month, it depends on who it is. sometimes one of the background or co-fronters will swap out and be the main one for however long they can manage (depends on who it is)

but if we're leaving the house and around other people the routine is totally subject to change.

[inkskinned]

it's just that there's a few more steps you have to take that other people don't have to take, but they don't see the steps, so they think you should be able to hop from moment to moment, a chickadee.

it isn't getting out of bed. it is the weight, the hook in your chest, the anchor. you have to move the anchor first. you have to silence your alarm, but your phone is in your hand, which means now you have to put the phone down, which is too-hard. you get stuck in there for a while, the white screen, mindlessly scrolling. you don't even like this activity, have tried a few other options but - here you are, and time is passing.

you've googled iron deficiency causes depression and if i drink enough water does it help with mental illness and anxiety but no caffiene within the last two weeks, like how you googled am i gay quiz at 17.

it isn't just calling the doctor back, it's the anxiety, it's these little moths in your lung cavities, furious and fluttering. you need to figure out how to capture your fingers from between their nervous bodies. you are an adult, you can say the words yes hi, i'm calling because i need - but you need to practice first. maybe write it down because what if you misspeak, wouldn't that be embarrassing. write it down, but you need to find a pen first. well, actually, your desk is kind of messy. you should get a new pen. you should get a new organizational system. you should try journaling.

your grades in school were always strange. the way teachers would say things like it feels like you're not trying. you could touch stars in the stuff you cared about. well, sometimes. god be willing. homework average zero. oops! your english teacher's wrinkled brow: i know you know this stuff. what the fuck are you doing?

it isn't the showering, it's the mirror before the shower and the soft horrible pull of your naked physique. you have to avoid eye contact completely or else it'll be 93 minutes later and you'll have picked at your skin until every little pore is bleeding. you have to stand up but standing is tiring and also you should have remembered to buy more soap but you never remember anything. maybe get out of the shower and while it's still running and you're still dripping wet, use your phone to take a note. make a note to get your groceries. let the shower run while you stand half-in half-out and get lost in your phone for a moment. come back out when the water runs cold and now you have to sprint to get ready.

your grandmother's frown. you're just being lazy. protestant work ethics in a house that isn't even protestant. she says she just learned different but she means learned better, doesn't she.

it's not that you can't send the email, it's that your hands have been hurting lately and the desk really is messy and also why the fuck would you even care about this thing? doesn't everyone else feel like they're drowning? hi brendon thanks so much for sending! will review and get back to you shortly. but now you're on the internet, close the tab with tumblr on it. go on, close it. feel the little soft vapor of boredom come up and over your eyeteeth and make everything overwhelming and itchy.

literally all you have to do is put on shoes to go outside. you're literally already dressed, that's the hard part of this whole thing. literally just put the shoes on. just... do it! do it! this shit is easy!

it's literally that easy. just stop taking all those stupid invisible steps. stop following your strange made-up rules. times like this, even you're positive you're faking. you just don't want to bother with the cleaning and the cooking and the being-an-adult.

but then - shouldn't you be able to put these stupid shoes on? nobody's even looking. go on kid. life is out there! just take the leap!

get moving.

[incognito-duo]

MUTANT MAYHEM HCs!!

Leonardo

The turtles and Splinter all call him Da Vinci, hated it at first but then grew to love it.

Loves watching Octonauts, and made a video essay about it.

Likes going to Walmart

Watches Vine compilations at 2 am when he can’t sleep

Color codes his candy, for example, only eats all of the red Skittles then the purple ones then green, etc.

Cried over Roblox VC once, and his brother verbally harassed a 5-year bc of it.

After Scumbug got with Splinter, Leo tried to encourage his family to learn the language she spoke. He is the most fluent, but as good as Splinter.

Even though he's a snitch, Leo has blackmail/secrets that are brothers only. (Some things are sibling code fr)

Favorite Dcom is Z-O-M-B-I-E-S, and looks up to Zed.

Loves cheesy Rom-cons, and has a Tubi account just for it.

Donatello

Head of movie nights, mostly watched anime movies but tried to find one the whole family would love.

Has his tent because he owns a bunch of merch, and needed a place to put it.

Simon, from Alvin and the Chipmunks, kinnie. Had a massive childhood crush on Jennet.

Def a Disney Kid, TOH, Molly McGee etc.

Got into Anime, and other fandoms, bc of AMV's.

Fandom wiki user, and a Tumblr user.

Studio Ghibli GEEK!! Made many video essays.

Chapped as hell lips, carries small Vaseline around (Forgets to use it)

Owns a diary

Info dumps and long study sessions a lot

Michelangelo

Only wants bubble tea for the pearls

Had a small wig era... failed, and never did it again. (He only wears wigs in secret)

Has the best handwriting

He could wing a test if he paid attention in class because IMPROV!!!

HAS to sleep near one of his brothers, hence why he has a bunk bed.

Has glow-in-dark stick stars on his wall!!

Number one hypeman when you wanna ask your crush out. Definitely helped Leo with April

Writes in orange glittery pen

Likes to style his mask in bows or fun edges

Over thinks with giving others gifts, decorating, and hosting parties

Raphael

He HATES the dentist

He is actually a big softie and dork (like we all know), so he yaps a lot with April, his brothers, and the people he's REALLY close with

Likes a few musicals because of Mikey, like CryBaby and Ride of the Cyclone

Loves to show off, mostly to impress people

Plays Valorant with Casey

Bullies little kids on Roblox voice chat

Childhood crushes were on Liv from Liv and Maddie, and Cat from Victorious

Likes to munch on waffle cones when bored

He's too loud or too quiet when speaking during certain times without knowing

Owns a journal, and has the most outrageous handwriting

April

Kids still bully her, but a lot have stopped after the events of the movie

She slowly learns how to get over her stage fright

the CUTEST handwriting when taking notes, the aesthetic school notes with the pastel highlighters

Doodles during class, and tends to doodle Leo when working on her newspapers (AprilNardo>>>)

Lowkey hated Casey before they became BFFs

Goes to her apartment roof when she needs to relax, or when bored

Listens to Lofi Girl when studying

Likes to make small, silly comics for the school newspaper

Loves tot bags, or duffel bags!

She is an only child, but loves to hang out with her parents and relatives. Every weekend, she goes to IHop with her family and invites the turtles and Irma sometimes

[amysubmits]

Hello, I hope you are doing well ^^

Do you have any advice on how to inlcude D/s dynamic into everyday life of a couple that doesn't live together?

Thank you💛

Hi Anon,

I am well, thank you! Hope you are too.

I have always lived with my Dom so this is just coming from a mixture of ideas I've seen shared on tumblr and my own noggin, and I might miss some of the practical challenges of not living together seems how I haven't actually walked in your shoes. But, here goes.

The dom could assign tasks, rules or chores to the sub. This could be nearly anything. Taking daily meds, doing a skincare routine, having a set bedtime, reading a chapter of a book per day, journaling, making your bed. It really just would depend on what the two of you would feel connected to each other and to your D/s roles.

I've heard of LDR subs sending picture or video evidence of completing their rules or just texting when each thing was done so that the dom could keep track of what was done. Or some use apps that report chores/tasks/to do lists as completed. Or you could just have a set time of the evening where you check in and go over which tasks were completed.

If you want to defer certain decisions to your dominant, I've heard of LDR couples having a 'default answer' to accomodate for situations where a quick response may not happen. For example, if you wanted to set up needing permission for consuming caffeine after 4pm, you could agree that you could ask permission at any time, but if your dominant is too busy when you text to reply, then the default answer is no. You could also plan to ask permission for things well in advance if you predict you'll want it. For example, maybe you have a tendency to stop at a coffee shop when you go shopping with a certain friend, and you're planning to go shopping tomorrow so you know there's a good chance you'll want to have a coffee after 4pm, so you could ask your dom today if you can be 'pre-approved' for that for tomorrow, so that you don't have to worry about getting an instant response once you arrive at the coffee shop.

Those are the main ideas that come to my mind. In general though, I think it can be helpful to try to keep your ears perked for any struggles that either of you are having, or specific things either of you like. Those two situations often lend themselves to service on either side.

For example, if your dom shares anything that is frustrating them or difficult for them, maybe you can serve them by finding ways to lessen that problem, depending on what it is. Maybe they dislike grocery shopping so you can schedule them a pick up order for their local grocery store that they can just pull up and get. Or if they mention that they get bored while stuck in traffic, you could research books related to specific interests you know they have, and send them a that list of audiobooks that they could try to listen to on their commute.

I imagine I have plenty of couples who follow me who don't live together or are in LDR's so they might be able to reply with better suggestions. :)

[hibernatinglikeabear]

Day One (01) of thought dumping.

Today, just every other weekend that I have, I spent all day rotting in bed- doom scrolling. However, I always go back to watching videos on YouTube on how to earn money via side hustles. Why though? "Cause money is great!" /insert that Wired Emily Rudd clip.

Anyways, no, but an actual good quote that I heard today regarding money is that "Money buys you freedom", and that's so accurate. I want the freedom that money gives you.

Watching those 'how to earn six-figures via internet' videos, they always start with these questions "what are your skills, do you have hobbies, interests? why not start monetizing those."

However, that circles back to needing money. You want to learn and upskill? You probably have to pay for courses. You want hobbies? Yeah that also needs money... these are what I kept saying, when I compare myself to other people that I see on social media, "Because I do not have the money to invest in myself and upskill, I'm not interesting enough, I'm not artistic enough and I'm not smart enough. Which also means I have nothing to monetize in order to find my own side hustle niche."

What an excuse. Clearly, those are just excuses that I tell myself in order to get away from actually starting. There are ways around upskilling and making your life more interesting using basic internet connection.

All I have to do is start, but why is that so difficult.

But this is why this is here!

WHAT IS THIS BLOG ALL ABOUT

Well, I call it the "Adding Character Depth Project".

Correct, character depth, I believe that my life is not interesting like others who have the money to spend outside, my personality is also not that unique and I don't think I have any out of this world talent, magic, strength or brains. In short, if I am a character in a novel, my life story and personality doesn't have that flare that makes them really interesting. The maximum role I'll get is that one liner character.

But if character building and character development exist in novels, why can't it be done in real life??? There's no way this is it. The other side of myself can't believe this is my maximum potential, I'm not satisfied with this version of myself. There has to be more.

So how can I add character depth to myself? Since this is not research based, let's start with what I find interesting that other people do or the people that I aspire to be do:

Journaling. This is what this tumblr is all about. Thought dump and progress dump. (With my personality of referencing what other people do, I wanted to make an official website for a blog but that's too time consuming and I'll end up stopping before I even started writing. So good old tumblr it is.)

Reading. I like reading actually but need to diversify. But for the past years I got hooked on fluffy romantic mlm and wlw books and I haven't able to explore beyond that genre anymore. I would like to read books that would make me think, that would intrigue me, that would make me feel like life is really interesting.

Pursuing art at 20s. I saw videos like PewDiePie where he started documenting his art journey by drawing everyday for 100 days(?) and it looks promising. As much as possible what I actually find interesting in drawing is world building, I want to draw the world or scenery that is usually being describe in the books that I've read. I don't really know how to start that one though.

Films. The people that I find to have interesting takes on life and unique personalities are usually people who dabble on films and photography. I want to start on expanding my knowledge and "uniqueness" (lol) by watching more films with good writing, good plot, good acting, good music and not my comfort variety shows.

Actually upskilling. The internet have so much to offer I'm pretty sure I can upskill on YouTube and find ways to earn money with that. Though this is quite a goal on it's own.

I'm pretty sure there are more to add but my brain can't think of any. Anyways, there are more details to add in every single one of these projects or hobbies, but I think it's better to discuss them separately.

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

#𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 - Week 1

Although I am (extremely) new to the self improvement community on tumblr. I have seen the #𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 challenge from @dreamdolldiary come by a few times amoung self improvement creators. Because of my curiosity, I have finally read the challenge and I immediately knew that this was the ideal challenge for me to start my self improvement journey! The "goal" of this challenge is to start with holding yourself accounteble and to build healthy habits.

So these were my first few weeks of attempting following this "challenge". And it went absolutely horrible, but I learned a lot from it.

The first 2 days of this challenge I felt very confident and good. But I completely broke down after that. I completely ignored this challenge for the next 2 weeks, because I wanted to focus on school. But because of that I forgot myself and selfcare, after that it didn't take long to stop having motivation for school too. Around this time of year I almost always get a little 'winterdip', but this year it was so massive that I stayed home the past week because I could not find the energy to move or do anything. I was probally already overworked when I started this challenge and expected way too much from myself.

What I'm going to do is analyse the situaltion, break the causes in small parts and find solutions for my problems. I will end this post with a plan for "week 2".

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 "𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐩"

☙ 𝟏. My biggest problem is that I value my results over my wellbeing. But because of that I feel so horrible that I am also not able to preform well. And that involves slowly into a burn-out.

What I will do is prioritise my goals my physical, mental & emtional goals. While slowly adding more other goals to work on. To help balance schoolwork & my wellbeing. I will make an overview the schoolwork that needs to be done weekly. Then I will decide what to do from that list when planning out my day, I will plan my studying sessions based off the time that I have to study that day. When I don't have the time to finish, I will let it go and do it another day. I will try to do as much work as possible on school days, but what I can't get done in that time, I will make in the weekend.

☙ 𝟐. I have the tendency to stress over the smallest thing, but I will nog give myself the space and time to process those. In my night/ evening routine I will add 10 minutes of non-stop writing. That way I can get my feeling out and if I notice that someting is really bothering me, I will take time for it the upcomming day.

☙ 𝟑. I will make time for a self care day. Saturday, after I return from work, I will make a nice lunch and drink for myself, read, take a bath and do fun things! (Like a mini movienight).

☙ 𝟒. Learn to let go! I have the ability to make myself so incredibly, by simply not leting go of the thing that do not serve me. I carry other people's trouble's, other people's expectations and lot's of other thingsI have no influence on. But even the things I have influence on, will not get better when I worry about it.

To let go, I must acknowledge what is bothering me and that stressing over it won't help me. Writing out my problem may help with this.

𝐌𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤

☙ The main focus for week 2 will be my physica, mental and emotional gaols:

♡ Physical I follow my weekly work out-plan. I eat healthy. I use my skincare consistantly. I go to bed before 10 pm.

♡ Mental I make time for self love. I plan out my day and follow my plan. I journal daily.

♡ Emotional I do the things that bring me happiness and fulfillment. I write the things that bother me down. I allow myself to feel my emotions fully.

I will accomplice these goals by panning my days around them.

☙ I want to go on a nature walk upcomming week. ☙ I plan out all the work i am supposed to do. ☙ I am productive in school. ☙ I start following my morning & night routines. ☙ I read when I'm bored.

Thank you sososo much for checking in with me, lovelies! ⚝☁ I hopefully see you next week! If you have any tips and/ or encouregement, pease do share. Bye bye ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ♡

[misschf-aisa]

I’m using Tumblr as a journal again, because if I don’t tag it then it won’t get in anyone’s way.

My mother stopped breathing on July 1, 2023. She died sometime between June 23 and 24.

My father and mother and I showed up for her surgery at 9:00 in the morning on the 23rd. She was nervous, we were all a little nervous, but we looked forward to tomorrow when everything would be fixed and she’d begin her recovery.

At 7:00 PM I had to run home and take the dog for a walk. Dad promised he’d call if he heard anything.

At 9:00 PM Dad and I were sitting in the hospital lobby with all the bags Mom had packed full of things to make her week of recovery more comfortable. We kind of looked like we were planning to travel overseas for at least a couple of weeks. We were in the lobby because the surgical recovery folks told us she had a room assigned to her, but the security guard at the desk wouldn’t let us go up to the room until she was there.

Sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 I helped my dad carry the bags up to her room. She wasn’t there yet, but we’d managed to get the surgical ward to talk to the damn security dude and coordinate with the floor she was moving to so we could at least go up there and get situated. I kissed the top of my dad’s head and went home to make the long day up to my dog and my girl who were both waiting to give me all the snuggles I needed.

Next morning I went to see how they were and Mom still hadn’t woken up from the anesthetic. Not really. She looked at me with wild uncomprehending eyes when she woke up for a moment, then she went back to sleep. Dad, who was in the middle of his first round of chemo at the time, was so tired he was just grateful for a pull out sofa bed in her room and the nurses who brought him coffee.

That night I came home again around 7:00 PM, but was called back to the hospital because they believed Mom had had a stroke. She recovered enough that I know she recognized me, and Dad, before the week was over. By the end of the week she was exhausted and finally let go.

I’ve been struggling with how to handle today. I’m glad the emergencies that led up to the surgery last year are over. I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore. I know my life is better today than it was this time last year. It’s a mix of the bitter and the sweet and it’s a mess. I decided to light a candle, thinking I was lighting it to mark the time when she stopped being her and started the long transition to ultimate rest.

But it’s not really a candle for her. I’ve lit dozens of those in the past year. I’ve sent her on her way with tears and laughter more than once. Tonight’s candle is for me, and for my dad, and for my girl, and for my dog, and even for that god damn overly zealous security guard who wouldn’t let an old man and his exhausted 50 year old daughter carry their multiple bags up to the room that had already been assigned. We all worked so hard that day and that night, and the preceding weeks. My candle is to recognize that our work is done, she is at peace, and our main goal of the entire ordeal was accomplished. She isn’t suffering anymore.

[lolatalks1]

wed, dec 6 2023

this is my first real journal entry, and i dont think dear diary is fitting to start this. i mean its just tumblr. i started this little blog because i need somewhere to vent, and so here i am. that sounds like my pinned post but its whatever. im not sure why im typing like im talking to someone, so i think i should stop explaining myself.

ive heard its good to write out how you feel, so i think im going to do just that. (im explaining myself again)- today was at first a good day, i woke up relatively early and was able to get ready for school quicker than i do normally- which is a win in my book. i was able to lay in my bed- which i need to wash the sheets of. my dog keeps laying where i sleep, which flares up my bad acne. i cant blame him though, i practically leave my side of the bed in a perfect napping position for him. anyways- i was able to lay down and read a little of this cute story about a single mother and a man in the military being her neighbor! very cute, very cute. then my dad took me and derek around eight o' five, then we got to school, and it was super cold outside. having to stand and wait for the doors to open is not enjoyable- at least i had derek -my cousin- with me. recently ive been a little harsher with him, but i thinks its because ive been a bit on edge with everything as of late. i dont mean to ignore- i think i should start working on that. he already has a lot going on.

continuing, i went to class. first period was tame, i mean nothing too much happened. really essentially a free day. aryeana ? im not sure how to spell her name now that i realize it- but she was there talking with jacob about whatever. sometimes i feel a little outcasted when with them- but i guess thats because im not that much of a conversational person when i cant think of a topic that will be enjoyable for all of us. i mean, i like anime and overwatch- and some more things. all those things they either dont like or make fun of- so theres no middle ground for us to converse on. i mean, only thing i can talk about is boys with ary. but its more so talking about aryeana's endless snaps with multiple guys and shes boasting about it- as well as boasting about her not being able to talk to guys. she is really contradictory. i dont hate or get mad at her though, shes nice to me. and cate is there- she kinda helps me relax. shes just a very nice person and since ive known her for so long i dont feel like i have to be super fake with them.

i think- well i know- my day went downhill when my mom finally replied to my messages. i had texted her about going to cam's surprise birthday dinner on sunday night- and she said yes! but then i asked her about saturday, if i can go shopping with her. i needed to go to barnes and noble to get multiple books that several people wanted for christmas, and maybe the mall to get some other things like candles from bath and body works. but anyways- she then revealed shes not going to be here this saturday- more so this entire weekend.... fun.

i just dont understand how she can just go i mean- i know where shes going- hell the whole family does. its nothing new, but the fact its such a repetitive thing and she always did it around familial times (thanksgiving and now christmas). i really dont get, seriously. and ive come to learn that she goes to some town with a new guy each time. what happened to her being with ron? her last boyfriend- i knew of at least. my nana mentioned she didnt like him because how he treated my mom, so im guessing he was abusive or really shitty. i dont care, and i guess thats a bad thing. i see it as karma now. i use to feel bad, want to console her. but ive lost it. lost that empathy.

anyways, she just makes me so- angry. to the point i can't focus on happier aspects of things because shes simply just so intoxicating with her narcissistic behavior. shes so aware that what she does angers and breaks the family, but she cant find it in herself to realize that its bad. how? im not sure. she didnt have a horrible upbringing nor a traumatic event with my dad. so i cant find a genuine reason behind what she does. its whatever, i keep trying to myself i shouldnt care so much. but i cant help it. it affects my home life, makes me i guess more so depressed? i dont want to self diagnose though. but shes the reason behind my upset outlook for today. hell even started playing class of 2013 by mitski- the lyrics hitting a bit too close to home. so yeah. thats all for now i guess, im not sure how journalling works. i guess ill start learning.

[andrelease]

i have spent most of my life with this mindset, so i have endless empathy for everyone just trying to survive each day. for me though, distractions eventually stopped working and i began to feel miserable no matter what i did. so i figured i could share some simple things that have worked for me.

tips for feeling more alive & in control of each day:

🍒 eat yummy food & stay hydrated

being hungry & dehydrated has a HUGE impact on how you feel. seriously! dehydration is linked to higher rates of depression and anxiety. food is literally fuel for your body. so try to eat at least 2 meals a day! doing this will help set the tone for a good day~

💊 vitamin supplements (highly rec. vitamin d)

if you struggle with eating / getting outside, supplements can make a huge difference in how your body feels! taking multivitamins helped with my energy levels and vitamin d pills have really made winters easier for me. especially when combined with a happy light!

📆 planning / scheduling

put fun stuff on the calendar! having things to look forward to will make the days less monotonous and you'll feel more in control of your time. try to have variety in your activities so that you don't get stuck in a rut.

🌅 morning & night routines

routines help us feel in control. maybe this means doing a skin care routine, journaling, and/or meditating.

morning routines help set the tone for the day. rather than rushing out of bed and immediately into the stress of life, wake up slowly and take some time to think about what you want your day to look like.

night routines help us unwind and let go of the stress from the day. clear your mind and focus on yourself.

🙆🏾 move your body

i'm not gonna tell you to exercise, but you do need to move your body. your goal is to loosen up your muscles and joints, and release the tension that's built up in your body.

if you feel up to it, do something that will get your heart rate up like a couple jumping jacks. you don't have to break a sweat, just get your blood pumping enough that you feel alive and in the moment. i'll do this randomly throughout the day when i notice i'm feeling foggy or too in my head.

🎧 pleasant sensory experiences

try to optimize the experience of each of your senses. light some candles/incense. snuggle up in a soft blanket. put on some alpha wave music. eat a yummy snack. set all your backgrounds to things that make you feel good. the more senses that are plugged into something positive, the better you'll feel.

🎸 have a passion project

this can be as big or small as you'd like, but having something you do just for you is essential. time flies when you're working on something you love. you could learn to play an instrument, get into doodling, customize your tumblr theme, get into writing food reviews. having a hobby will help you feel more connected with yourself on top of making each day more fun.

👯 talk to someone

humans are social creatures. it's in our dna. so make sure you are doing something social each day! even if it's something small like sharing a meme with a friend, do it! social interaction helps us feel less alone.

[koipondsoup3]

Before I go into my actual post, let it be fucking known to the hate anons, that this is my blog. I can and will post what I want and when I want. Good day.

On to what I actually wanted to say. It's a vent thingy btw

So I had already been somewhat spiraling for currently unknown reasons. I got up and doodle journaled for a bit and felt a lil better. So I go back to bed and see a friend responded to my inquiry about lunch tomorrow/today. At the end of their message, they not only mentioned a friend who I thought didn't talk to me or this other friend anymore, but I find out, they have a fucking discord! I think I had been a part of it before but left because I'm that kind of person who leaves servers because I'm depressed, but anyway, point is, this "friend" the other "friend" mentioned has every capability to talk to me. Everyone I used to consider a friend does! BUT GUESS WHAT! NO ONE FUCKING TALKS TO ME STILL. I'm including the friend I first mentioned too. No one talks to me. Ever. For seemingly no fucking reason. And that makes me really fucking sad.

(Tumblr why the hell did you skip this many lines when I pressed enter once?🤨)

To make things worse, the first friend asked is they should invite the second friend to lunch tomorrow. LIKE WHAT THE HELL?! Do you have no consideration for how much mwbtal preparation I need for that? Let alone the fact that I have gifts for the first friend and their twin (who will now be friend three) that I plan on giving them at lunch, but I have no time to prepare something for the second friend!

(again, why the extra lines Tumblr)

When I read the text message that started this, I had the thought to just be like "sorry I can't actually hangout anymore) and tear up the fucking heartfelt cards I had prepared for friend one and three. I even fucking tore out two pages from my sticker collecting journal so I could give them each some stickers. Tearing out those pages hurt to do, because I was already low on space in the book, and it was expensive. And now I can't fucking do anything about it!

(Tumblr fucking stop with the extra lines bullshit, I'm already pissed off)

Do I feign friendship? Do I be brutally honest? Do I ghost? Do I flake?

Honestly, why is being a human so stupidly difficult and why do I have to endure it.

I guess that's all I had to say for now, laters

[shoreline-system]

uhh. so. quick follow up to this now i've spend today working thru some feelings and shit. not super comfy w being this open about shit but i think its important on the Off Chance someone stumbles over the tags on the original post, or just for my own future reference.

most of this is paraphrased from a rlly difficult journaling session. I didn't come up with this in a tumblr draft, or without examining a lot of my shitty behaviour in a really uncomfortable way. it sucked! and i wouldn't necessarily recommend it if you don't have some strategy for managing ur feelings in place.

The first thing is, yes. it was Very much past our bed time. I had a lot of big feelings, but i was also just really fucking tired. more tired than i was willing to admit.

the second thing is Yeah. emotional amnesia plays a huge role in me being weird about my relationship. my partner is and has been wonderful for the years we've been together, including about the system, but where things would naturally move out of the honeymoon phase, I'm struggling, because without constant reminders, i literally just forget. I forget that they love me, I forget that I love them. More importantly, I forget why. This doesn't mean the system has stopped caring about them - it just means i'm not aware of it right now. (and i'm very fortunate to have a partner who understands that, frankly.)

The third thing is that them getting a new job is making our anxiety a lot worse. That anxiety is coming Largely from the fourth thing - ✨ Trauma ✨!!

We have a lot of abandonment trauma, a lot of trauma from other, abusive relationships. We're working to make sure we don't put as much of that on our partner, but hey. We aren't perfect, and it creeps in. that's okay, and we're gonna keep working on it.

We had to dig into why them being away bothered us as much as it does, and confront some kinda icky shit about what we Want from relationships that I'm not going to share here. There's a lot of healthy stuff that goes into it, and some not so healthy stuff that now we're more aware of it, we'll begin to work through.

We're making a lot of progress with it, I think. and more importantly, we're feeling much better. Things are still hard, but the more you identify your needs, the more you can address them, and we're getting there.

"we shouldn't be dating anyone" came from feeling like a bad partner, that our emotional amnesia makes us a bad person to be around, but it doesn't, and it's up to our partner (and our friends) to decide whether they want to manage that with us. And we need to trust that they are choosing to do that, that it is worth it, and that they are happy. We are worth the effort to them - they wouldn't be here if we weren't.

Ultimately, it's a lot of stabilisation, a lot of tracing issues back to existing trauma, and a lot of recognising that Perhaps, 11pm is a little late for us to be awake atm, actually.

God, I just feel awful. Will 2 live? Evaporating. Social battery? Dead. Relationship anxiety? Peaked. I don't want to do this shit anymore.

[arrowflier]

Hi I don't have tumblr, so not sure how this works. Came across your blog though, and spent three days just reading everything you've written and reblogged. Such a fun three days! I have so many ideas for prompts, but the one I'm most curious about is what happens when Ian has a rough patch of mania maybe a couple years into their marriage and what kind of plans do Mickey and Ian have for either an upswing or a downswing of his bipolar? Thanks so much excited to see what you come up with!

Hi there! It's such a compliment that you went through my rambles, glad you're enjoying.💖 Standard disclaimer: everything I know about bipolar disorder comes from the internet. It's an important part of Ian that I want to be respectful of, so as always please let me know if I miss the mark.

Caring for your partner, Rule 1: Be There

When Mickey woke up, Ian wasn’t in bed.

That wasn’t terribly unusual in and of itself. What was unusual was that it was only 3AM, on a Saturday, and Mickey could already hear his husband moving outside their room. The footsteps outside the door were soft, restrained, like Ian didn’t want to wake him. But the following clatter in the kitchen was alarmingly loud as Ian opened the drawer under the oven to pull out a pan, and Mickey groaned.

He wanted to roll over, pull a pillow over his head, and block out whatever this was so he could go back to sleep. They’d been working long days, and sometimes longer nights as the dispensaries were all pulling overtime with increasing demand. They’d only made it to bed like two hours ago, for fuck’s sake, and Mickey was tired.

But Ian should have been tired too, and it was never a good sign when he wasn’t. So Mickey sat up with a sigh, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand, and swung his legs out of bed.

He winced when his bare feet touched the cold wooden floor. They had been here for almost a year already, and they still hadn’t gotten ‘round to buying a fucking rug for the bedroom.

Mickey shivered as he hopped awkwardly toward the closed bedroom door, grabbing his robe from a hook there and tugging it on over his thin shirt and the boxers he was pretty sure started out on Ian’s side of the dresser. Wrapping it closed, he slipped out the door and into the brightly lit hallway, squinting blearily as he followed the sound of pots and pans to the kitchen.

Ian had half their crockery out on the counter already. His red hair gleamed under the sharp light of the long fluorescent bulbs overhead as he stirred batter in a large bowl they had borrowed from Debbie last week and never given back, wooden spoon clanking against the sides erratically.

Erratically. That was a good word for it, Mickey thought. The mindless clink clink clink of wood on metal in no discernible pattern, just like the route Ian took around their table, to the counter, to the fridge, and back to the oven again. Mindless, pacing, random.

Mickey leaned against the wall, and watched.

They had talked about this, since the last time. At least, since the last time Mickey had been worried. When Ian was down, when he didn’t want to get up. When Mickey dragged him out on his first run and they talked afterward in the kitchen, when Mickey made clear that his worry was just one more face of what they had together.

He’d come down the next morning to Ian at the kitchen table, the whole place eerily quiet for a place they still shared with too many fucking people. There had been coffee in the pot, toast on the table, and Ian, picking at his cuticles and not meeting Mickey’s eyes.

“We need to talk,” he’d said, and Mickey’s heart had dropped into his stomach.

“Can I wake the fuck up first?” he’d asked, but Ian had just kicked a chair out for him and waited, not meeting his eyes, until Mickey sat down.

They’d sat silently for a long moment, Mickey unwilling to ask what it was about. Finally, Ian had sighed, and reached out for Mickey’s hand across the table.

“It’s about the bipolar,” he’d said, and Mickey had been so relieved he could feel it in his fucking toes, bare and cold against the tile floor.

“Oh. Okay.”

Ian had been startled by his easy acceptance of the topic, he could tell.

“That’s it?” He’d sounded almost confused.

Mickey had shrugged.

“I mean, yeah?” He’d rubbed the rest of the sleep from his eyes with the hand no holding Ian’s. “You had me worried, man, with the we need to talk thing. But this is just normal shit.”

Ian had just stared at him, then released his hand to lean back against his chair.

“Normal?” He’d asked disbelievingly. “There’s nothing normal about planning for my imminent mental break, Mickey.

Mickey had snorted at the irony of it. “You kidding me?” he’d said. “It’s the most normal fucking thing about us.”

As he watched Ian in the kitchen now, making pancakes at 3AM on a Saturday morning, Mickey thought that was probably still true.

“Hey, Martha Stewart,” he said softly from his position against the wall, still leaning there as Ian spun around with surprise painted over his face. His eyes were off, the light not quite there, but they still warmed when he saw Mickey.

“Hey,” Ian said back, voice high and too chipper. “I’m making pancakes, you want some? I’ve got banana, your favorite, and chocolate chips, and strawberries…”

He went on to list more ingredients, but Mickey wasn’t really listening. He could see it all anyway, spread out over the kitchen like so many half-made decisions, half-baked ideas that kept giving way to something else.

“Mickey?” Ian asked, and he snapped out of it.

“Yeah,” he answered with a smile. “Yeah, I’d love some pancakes. Why don’t you let me stir for a awhile?”

—

They had their pancakes standing up next to the counter, nowhere left to rest their plates on the crowded surfaces of the kitchen. Ian talked about the merits of each ingredient as they ate, and Mickey listened, and nodded along as best he could.

This was okay. It was pancakes in their boxers at 3AM with no sleep in a kitchen that looked like it was hit by a tornado, but Ian was eating, and Ian was smiling, and Ian was there.

And when Ian stopped and tried to set his plate down, distress on his face as he was confronted with the mess he had made, Mickey took the dish from him with easy hands.

“You want to sit down awhile?” he tried, nudging Ian gently out of the disaster-zone. “Bet you’re tired after eating all that.”

He knew Ian wasn’t, but he kept a hand on his back anyway until they were out in the living room, next to the sofa. Mickey let go to sit down himself with a groan, tired muscles aching at being used for too long without rest. He kept his eyes off Ian, just standing there, looking at him in that too-present, too-absent way of his, and leaned back against the cushions, eyes falling closed.

After a moment, the sofa dipped as Ian settled in beside him.

“Mickey?” Ian asked. The cushions bounced as he tapped his heel repeatedly on the floor.

“Yeah?” Mickey responded, squinting his eyes back open.

“Can I touch you?”

Mickey repressed the urge to sit up, to take Ian into his arms. Ian sounded too hesitant, a shift from moments before as he playfully shoved bites of overcooked batter into Mickey’s mouth.

But Ian didn’t like to be held like this.

“Of course you can, you moron,” Mickey said instead, and watched as Ian’s leg stopped moving. The other man drew closer, reaching a hand out to card through Mickey’s hair and drag down the side of his face, a touch too shaky and a touch too firm.

Ian had once said that touching Mickey grounded him, and Mickey hadn’t known if Ian thought that was a good thing or not. In the midst of hypomania, Ian didn’t always take kindly to being grounded.

But tonight—well, this morning—it seemed to be a good thing. Mickey was grateful for that.

Grateful, because it meant that Ian looked like himself as he moved to lay against him, and not like some over-saturated facsimile painted with too much water on the canvas, always shifting, always running. Grateful, because it meant that Ian pulled Mickey’s arms around him and settled into his side like they always did, even if his body never quite stilled at the contact.

Grateful, because it meant they wouldn’t fight tonight. That Mickey wouldn’t have to worry as much about what Ian might say, might do, if he stepped out of line. If he went off the script they had planned on a good day for dealing with bad ones to come.

He wouldn’t have to call Lip for backup. He wouldn’t have to tail Ian as he left the apartment to make sure he stayed safe. He wouldn’t have hide the knives, or their wallets, or anything else.

Not that he would have complained if he did. It was what it was. Ian was who he was. And Mickey would always see him through it. Love him through it.

They lay there, mostly quiet, except for the mindless tune Ian hummed against his neck, and the tap tap tap of his fingers on Mickey’s collarbone.

Eventually, the song cut off.

“Do I need to call the doctor?” Ian asked quietly into the echoing room, and Mickey nodded, rubbing a gentle hand through his hair.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I think so.”

He'd get everything together in the morning. Ian's journals, their schedule, their meal plan. The little notebook where he kept track of Ian's prescriptions, how they worked, how long they lasted.

Something had obviously slipped, either in their methods or in Ian himself. But Mickey was well past dwelling on what they could have done differently, and focused on what to do next.

Things happened. Things changed. They would adapt.

At Mickey's confirmation, Ian just nodded against him, fidgeting until their legs were too entwined to separate.

“Sleep first, if you can,” Mickey told him, settling in for a long rest of the night. “We’ll do it together when you wake up.”

Together. They’d do it together. Again and again and again, as much as they needed to. Because Ian was his husband, and this was their normal.

And their normal was still pretty damn good.

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

hey so i'm hoping to get some writing advice about creative burnout? like i seem to write in fits and spurts. some months i can churn out a oneshot or chapter everyday and some months i can do one (1) creative thing only. so i'm wondering how to prevent creative burnout and how to just create more smoothly <3 thank you!

Creative Burnout & How To Ward Against It

First, I’d like to preface this all by saying you’re definitely not alone. You probably already know this, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded.

I know from personal experience that creative burnout can leave you feeling hopeless, detached from yourself—the kind of identity crisis no one needs in 2020. 

So buckle in, folks. It’s a dosy.

I. The Symptoms

Not to be the local WebMD page here, but signs of burnout can include:

Procrastination (more than usual)

Dreading writing and feeling stuck or overly perfectionistic when you try

Physical tiredness and/or irritability

Feeling like everything is monotonous

It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s a physical and emotional exhaustion response to something that goes deeper than a simple lack of inspiration. In my experience, and from a bit of research, I’ve found that what your brain is really looking for is dopamine.

Dopamine is essentially your brain’s chemical reward system for doing something interesting or exciting to you. As someone who is diagnosed with ADHD, I have chronically low levels of dopamine, so this is a constant struggle for me—but it is absolutely made worse by creative burnout.

II. The Problem

Studies have shown that the more we do A Thing the less that thing will give us dopamine (unless a component of the activity changes regularly). This is because eventually our brains desensitise to the stimuli provided by the activity, and subsequently, we become disengaged.

But it’s not necessarily The Thing (i.e. writing) that becomes boring. Actually, more than a few factors could be at play here, and the first step to finding a solution is to identify the problem.

1. ENVIRONMENT LACKS EXCITEMENT/CHANGE—

Sometimes, the monotony of everyday life can feed creative burnout. This becomes especially applicable in quarantine when you’re not leaving your house.

What we don’t realise is that even something as small as the variables of driving to and from work, or interacting with passing coworkers, gives us dopamine. So if you have the same routine every day that does not involve any added variables, your brain will begin staunching that dopamine supply.

2. EITHER TOO EASY OR TOO CHALLENGING—

In 1975, Hungarian-American psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term “flow”, which refers to a heightened state of creativity and concentration on an activity. Csikszentmihalyi posited that if your skill level is equal to the level of challenge in any given activity, you will experience this state of flow.

The chart below is taken from Csikszentmihalyi’s own study on the subject of flow and motivation. It examines “your skill level” on the x axis in relation to the “challenge level” on the y axis.

Essentially:

Too much challenge + not enough skill = anxiety, worry (which might lead to procrastination and perfectionism)

Too much skill + not enough challenge = boredom, apathy (which might lead to monotony, irritability, and other depression-like symptoms)

Skill level = Challenge level = Flow

3. NOT ENOUGH “ACTIVE” STIMULATION—

When it comes to dopamine seeking, there is a distinct difference between active and passive stimulation in the brain.

Active stimulation is any form of activity that you have to actively engage in. For instance; exercising, doing a crossword puzzle, or reading a book. These kinds of activities not only give you dopamine, they also facilitate critical thinking and problem solving thought processes, which act as catalysts for creativity.

Passive stimulation, on the other hand, comes in the form of television, social media, and YouTube. It’s anything you can consume without having to actively engage. Passive stimulation will indeed give your brain dopamine, however, it won’t activate your creativity.

The problem also lies in the speed at which you receive the dopamine from passive activities. Passive stimulation is so easy to access that the more you consume, the harder it becomes to pick up active stimulation. Your brain expects a hit of dopamine just by picking up a phone or turning on the TV—it becomes addicted to the quick fix of a Netflix binge.

III. The Solutions

Based on the problems mentioned above, I am going to list a few solutions. Keeping in mind that not every solution will work for everyone, these can act as both preventative measures and remedies for someone who is currently burned out.

1. CHANGE UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT/ROUTINE—

Aim to do at least one thing per day that will add “variables” to the monotony. This can be as simple as going on a long walk, dressing up in that bold outfit you always wanted to wear to the office but never did, or sitting at a different workspace in your home.

Anything you can do that’s simple, but might provide an extra variable to your day to spice things up. Note: this shouldn’t be the same thing every day.

2. CHALLENGE YOURSELF MORE—

If you find yourself bored by your work, try challenging yourself more. This could mean setting goals for yourself that go a bit beyond what you’ve been doing. 

For example, if you’ve been writing 500 words per day, see if you can beat your own word count every day for the next week. If you’ve been writing mainly fluff pieces, switch it up and do an angst piece. See if you can write a book in a month, or start a blog where you don’t write fiction at all!

Anything you can do to add a little kick to your workload. Note: Beware of challenging yourself too much! This can lead straight back into burnout.

3. CHALLENGE YOURSELF LESS—

If you’re on the flip side of that coin, and find that you are anxious, procrastinating, and perfectionistic when it comes to writing, fret not. Just because you’re experiencing any of these things, doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing the job with your skillset.

It just means your perception of the job needs to be shifted.

Procrastination, at its heart, is a fear of failure, which results in actively avoiding the negative emotions associated with the task that causes this fear. Perfectionism is a type of procrastination that is a combination of a fear of failure and a fear of success (or, more accurately, other’s critiques of your success) all at once.

Neither have anything to do with your actual skillset, but they have everything to do with your perception of your skillset. Obviously, this is a harder thing to fix, as it has to do with deeply ingrained levels of self-esteem.

What I can offer you is a tactic to trick your mind into thinking you’re capable.

If you have a task, big or small, and you are feeling overwhelmed by it (like you might go curl up in bed and scroll Tumblr), immediately break that task up into smaller tasks. Keep breaking up the smaller tasks until you have the smallest possible part of the bigger task without doing nothing.

Then do that smallest possible thing.

If your goal is to write a 2000 word one shot, a small part of that task is writing half of it. An even smaller part of that task is breaking the one shot up into “scenes” and writing one scene. For instance:

Jude wakes up to a sore throat, a runny nose, and a fever.

She tries to go to work, but Cardan, being the mother hen that he is, threatens to never make her another grilled cheese sandwich (her favourite food) ever again if she doesn’t stay home.

Jude agrees begrudgingly, and Cardan sits her down in front of the TV with a bottle of Gatorade. He leaves to go get medicine from the store.

When Cardan comes back, Jude is worse than before. He makes her soup and saltine crackers and spoon feeds her.

She complains the whole time and, in her feverish state, threatens to never buy him another bottle of wine (his favourite food) ever again if he doesn’t let her feed herself.

Each bullet point represents one “scene” of about 200-400 words each. Obviously, there will be more details that you work out as you write. But with these five smaller scenes, your goal is no longer writing the 2000 word one shot. Your goal is writing the first of the five scenes.

If you complete the smallest possible task, you can stop, and you’ll still feel like you’ve accomplished something because you can cross off that task from your list. But chances are, by the time you cross off one task, you may have inspiration enough to keep going.

4. ENGAGE IN ACTIVE STIMULATION—

Since active stimulation has been proven to turn on the creative “tap”, try incorporating more of these activities into your daily routine:

Exercise: As the resident couch potato, I hate to say that exercising is good for creativity, but it is. Even if it’s just going on a short walk, so long as you’re moving.

Reading: Sometimes you have plenty of ideas, but no words to fit those ideas. Fill your well of words by carving out an hour or two each day for reading a good book.

The Creative Process: In the writing world, the creative process is a process of about 20-30 minutes that the writer partakes in every day before they start writing. This process should be creative, but also have nothing to do with writing. You can try colouring in a colouring book, painting, organising a page in your bullet journal. Anything that is creative but does not make you think about everything you have to do that day. Think of it as creative meditation.

Listen to music: Having APD, I personally can’t listen to music while I write. However, studies have shown that if you listen to at least ten songs per day, it will significantly benefit your dopamine levels and overall mood. If you’re like me and prefer to work in silence, maybe stick on a couple songs during your creative process. If you can manage music and writing together, get out those headphones!

5. KEEP A REGULAR SCHEDULE—

I know this is the most cliche point in the book, but it’s valid. This doesn’t mean do the same thing at the same time every day over and over, because ultimately we’re looking to avoid monotony. 

But having pillars of structure to bolster the excitement can definitely work to keep you from slipping into burnout. Going to sleep, waking up, and having your meals at relatively the same time every day are good examples of this. 

Feel free to change up the things you do between breakfast and lunch, but make sure you have those pillars of consistency so your brain knows that a break is on the horizon and doesn’t get tired.

6. PACE YOURSELF—

This is particularly difficult for those of us who are coming out of a creative burnout, but I urge you to pay special attention to this one. If we are suddenly hit by inspiration and the writing is flowing and flowing and flowing, eventually we will hit the point of highest dopamine capacity for writing.

Not putting a check on the flood of inspiration coming out of a creative burnout, I’d argue, is actually a guarantee that many of us will experience burnout all over again. It becomes this vicious cycle in which we are trapped.

While it feels great to write non-stop and receive immediate validation for that work, try to limit yourself to how much you’re writing and how immediately you post your writing (if you plan on posting it).

Whenever I finish a one shot or a chapter of something, I like to allow at least one day for editing before I post. This timeframe is important, because it acts as a buffer of rest between writing marathons. 

You can take however long you need for the editing process, but definitely make sure you have a set amount of time in place. Otherwise, your brain might not have enough time to come down from what is essentially a writing high, and you will always need to reach greater heights in order to achieve that same level of dopamine.

~~~~

Overall, the most important things to take away from all of this are: 

Change up your environment

Keep your brain actively stimulated 

Have pillars of structure between which you can run about chaotically to your heart’s content

PACE YOURSELF!

Hope this helped. Happy writing!

-Em 🖤🗡

Writing Tip Masterlist

Fic Masterlist

Celebrate 2K with me!

[purplesurveys]

1734

1 - What’s your favourite type of survey to take? A survey with just a mix of random questions is always a safe choice – that's what most of them have been, anyway. Every now and then I like to enjoy categories, and to a lesser degree, themed ones.

2 - What about your least favourite? Do you ever take these anyway if you can’t find anything else? I mean, about-mes are only fun if you're new to surveys but they'll get old quickly. I don't like song shuffles either because I have a million separate playlists on Spotify, so those surveys could never capture my music taste as a whole.

3 - Do you have a favourite survey maker? How long have you been following their blog for? I have a few favorites on Bzoink but I haven't been able to catch up with any of their newer surveys because life.

4 - Do you ever get surveys from somewhere that isn’t Tumblr? What other sites do you like to use for finding surveys? I used to go on Bzoink and lift newer surveys from there over here, but 2022/2023 has kept me very busy that these days I just play catch-up with all the surveys everyone takes here. Until around 2-3 years ago I also used to go on LiveJournal but the survey tag doesn't get updated as much, so I eventually I stopped visiting.

5 - Do you like to take surveys at a particular time of day? I like taking them in the evenings before going to bed. I also reserve most of my survey-taking on weekends, but if a work day has been gross and just need an outlet to vent or whatever I will occasionally squeeze time on a weeknight.

6 - Do you have a favourite location to take surveys - eg. on your bed or in the living room? I'll take them in my room most of the time – it's quiet and peaceful here. Occasionally I'd do them on the couch in the living room or at the dining table, but it's almost always too distracting to finish one.

7 - How often would you say you took surveys? Do you go through phases of taking loads and then stopping for a while? I've been pretty consistent in the 10-11 years I've been taking surveys, tbh! I never really took a 'break' from them – they serve the same purpose as a journal, so I've never felt burned out from surveys.

The most distinct difference, if anything, about my survey-taking habits is how it surged like crazy during the pandemic. Like dude. I didn't have a job, I had just graduated, I was stuck at home – I used to do 5-6 surveys a day, EVERYDAY, for like six months.

8 - Do you like to watch TV or listen to music while you take surveys? If I have something on in the background, it has to be something I can't understand so that my brain doesn't get overstimulated lol. That said, I like having Korean-language vlogs on when taking surveys.

9 - Have you ever taken surveys with another person before? NOOOOOOOO. I prefer to keep IRLs out of my survey-taking hobby.

10 - Do people in real life know you take surveys? If not, would you be embarrassed if someone found out about your blog? Only my sister knows and that's just because I know she doesn't give a shit and I trust her to not judge me for it. I shared the blog with my now-ex at some point but that's also why I changed my user recently.

11 - Do you often have something to eat and drink next to you while you take surveys? Drink, yes. Coffee and surveys go hand-in-hand for me. Food, no. Too much of a distraction.

12 - What kind of chair or surface do you find yourself sitting on the most when you take them? The mini sofa in my room.

13 - Have you ever taken surveys at work before? I used to sneak surveys in during my internship when work would be slow; but otherwise I've never done it since getting formally employed.

14 - Do you prefer doing surveys on a laptop, a phone or another device? Laptop. Dealing with this big a body of text on a phone seems like such a headache.

15 - What kind of surveys would you like to see more of? What about less of? I mean I don't have any expectations when it comes to surveys lol. As long as I don't run out of any to take. Thank you, active survey-makers!!

16 - Have you ever discovered new bands, TV shows or anything through reading other people’s surveys? I'm sure it's happened, but I wouldn't say it's a frequent occurrence.

17 - Do you like to read other people’s answers? Are there some people whose blogs you always check? Sure, I keep up with the little circle I have on here. I'm usually too shy to comment, but I'm generally aware of the ups and downs everyone's been going through and I just kind of like...silently send my support or well wishes or condolences and whatnot.

18 - Have you ever taken a survey while drunk or high? I have taken surveys while drunk but most of the time it ends up with me being too sleepy to take the full thing and just finishing the rest the next morning.

19 - Have you ever attempted the 5,000 question survey? Did you ever finish or did you find yourself getting bored part-way through? I have actually never finished it, no. I should get my ass to take the whole thing at some point.

20 - What first got you into taking surveys? I have no clue, honestly. Maybe it's because the earliest forms of social media like Myspace and LJ would have people do the generic about-me prompts and I guess it just made me curious about more long-form surveys that could possibly exist out there. Eventually I found Bzoink and that's how this whole habit started.

21 - How old were you (roughly) when you first started taking them? I was technically 10 when I first found out about Bzoink, but didn't start keeping a blog up until I was either 13 or 14.

22 - What’s the reason behind you taking surveys? It's a journal that's able to keep a record of my life, simply put.

23 - What’s one thing that would put you off taking or finishing a survey? If the questions get too irritating, or if I'm way too stressed that not even surveys could save the day.

24 - In your opinion, what’s the ideal length for a survey? Would you not bother taking a survey if you thought it was too short or too long? Anywhere between 40 to 60 is fun enough for me, but overall it depends on my mood and how awake I feel.

25 - Do you answer questions using proper spelling and grammar? Yes.

26 - Do you prefer questions that require long answers or are you happy to take yes/no surveys? Ones that demand more substantial answers are fine but don't, like, get all philosophical or existential. That's another thing that would push me away from finishing a survey.

27 - Is there a specific style of survey that you’ve never taken before? Surveys that have you answer with a photo. I don't like those either.

28 - What kind of surveys would you like to see in the future? That could be in terms of style or category or anything, really? Again, don't really have expectations when it comes to surveys haha. I just take whatever I see that I feel are interesting enough.

29 - Have you ever shared your surveys with friends and family on social media? Nope.

30 - Do you find that time goes by quickly or slowly when you take surveys? Quickly.

[fbfh]

dave strider dating headcanons

1k words, spoiler free

warnings: some swearing, mentions of brief fears (spiders, heights, loud noises), some swearing

pairing: dave strider x gn reader, optional brief skirt wearing

a/n: I am still in act 4 of homestuck so pls !! no spoilers !! take my interpretation of the characters with a grain of salt !! 

also  why is there no homestuck x reader fics?????? Am I looking in the wrong place????? Why are there barely 80 dave x reader fics on ao3 and almost none on tumblr??????? Did homestuck’s popularity just miss the x reader fic train???????? if so I fully intend to fix that (this is the first two or so pages of my dave dating hcs doc, I’m on page five and show no signs of stopping)

also since I’m still in act 4 right now I’m only writing for Dave, probably Jade, John, and Rose (maybe some of the trolls but it’ll be on a case by case basis until I feel like I know them well enough to write for them)

aged up to 18+ for moderate sex jokes lol

=>

Someone told me once that they think Dave is the only character they know of who can match my feral chaotic energy

And honestly I have to agree

Dave is a very strategically feral, chaotic person

You know that thing where 

Wait I’ll see if I can link it here

I can’t find the post but 

I forget what it said verbatim

But basically that if you want to take the piss out of someone who has an Intellectual Superiority Complex you just need to act brazenly confident and sure about something you know is incorrect and as long as you don’t let on that you’re joking they’ll argue with you endlessly and it’s fucking hysterical

Dave does that

All the time

He will deadass argue with the Smart Kid in his class that the moon is fake for hours

He’ll argue endlessly that Terry Crews, Kevin Hart, and Kevin James are the same person shifting forms with randos online

He does that thing where he one ups conspiracies with more outlandish conspiracies

“The moon landing is fake”

“Uh, bro, you still believe in the moon?”

You got a truly delightful video once of him arguing with a smart kid in class about one of those ridiculous topics

Like glinda being a princess

He leans forward, tilts his glasses, and says in the most confident self assured voice

“Okay- riddle me this, bro,” 

He points to the guy

“If pee isn’t stored in the balls, where do you hold it? In your hands?”

The entire class erupts into screaming laughs

The teacher enters to the guy getting up in Dave’s face screaming about sperm and piss

Both of them got a detention

If you can match his irony and sense of humor beat for beat

His brain goes into in love overdrive

You basically never “break character” and it’s fucking immaculate

He didn’t know you could vibe so well with someone

Every bad joke you make

Every meme reference

Every act of idiocy for the sake of the joke

He falls harder

It’s kind of scary for him at first

Having these raw genuine feelings so close to him

He covers with humor as usual

But part of him is freaking out a little

It’s sort of like finding a possum in your house

And then you realize there’s more possums hidden around

Then you run into the bathroom, look in your closet, check the pantry

There are possums everywhere

They don’t seem mean

They’re actually kind of cute

But what the fuck

Aren’t possums usually supposed to stay outside?????

So yeah when he falls he falls hard

I might do Dave crushing on you hcs too

One of his favorite ways to spend time with you is just chilling together doing separate activities and periodically updating each other

He’ll be working on some sick beats 

You’ll be sitting on his bed doing something you love

Drawing, bullet journaling, blogging, editing videos

Whatever your thing is

It genuinely makes him feel so close to you to just

Be near you

He has this sort of deep quiet admiration for you

For a while he genuinely has no idea how to connect the two aspects of his feelings for you and how he’s used to expressing himself 

He feels like he can’t tell you how much he likes you cause like

That’s not swaggy bro

So a lot of his affection is in little ways

He knows all of your favorite snacks and drinks

Favorite candies and gum 

He will protect you from anything you’re afraid of

Spiders? Gets rid of them so fast you literally didn’t know it was there

Loud noises? Has you listen to his latest mixtape when you’re going through somewhere noisy

If you have any mental health problems or we you bet your ass he will do so much research on how to support a friend with [insert thing]

Picks up on a lot of your cues and mannerisms quickly

Knows exactly when to give you his jacket, when to show you the perfect meme, when to take a study break

When to just pull you into a random dance party

He really likes dancing badly with you

Just failing around and spinning you around

If you like to wear skirts he likes the way your skirt flows when he twirls you

It looks so flowy

Like water or something

His favorite part is after you’ve been dancing for a while

When the song ends or when you get tired

How you’ll both kind of slow down and laugh and catch your breath

You’re still holding his hand

And you’re standing really close to him

He thinks you’ve never looked more beautiful

He never wears his sunglasses when you dance

He claims it’s because he doesn’t want them to fly off

But it’s really bc he doesn’t want anything getting in the way of watching you laugh and smile so much

Oof he’s got it bad for you

[nightlywxnders]

why I need to stop b/p’ing

the binge purge cycle is horrible. I have been trapped in it for a very long time now, and this year especially I pretty much have had consistent b/p’s most days. the longest I went without a binge purge was 7 days. 

after a b/p, I always tell myself ‘this is the last time, I won’t do this again’ and then the next day, I get an urge and at some point give in, and the cycle repeats. it genuinely is ruining my life - and my health. I am at a healthy weight (bmi 19.5) however I feel so unwell because of purging. 

so I am going to actually try this time. I won’t think about it too much, but every time I get an urge (which inevitably will happen, as b/p for me is now an addiction and habit) I will sit through the uncomfortable feeling of resisting it. 

my reasons not to binge and purge:

- it is messing up my weight loss 

- my teeth will rot 

- my oesophagus could rupture

- my stomach could rip 

- it smells gross 

- waste of food. what is the point of eating it if it is just going to be flushed down the toilet?

- it may feel good in the moment, but the guilt is ALWAYS painful 

reasons I may WANT to b/p, AND WHAT I CAN DO INSTEAD:

- bored 

               Read, go on a walk, call friend, READ, do not go in the kitchen,       Tumblr, Netflix, STUDY

- hungry, physically or mentally

                just wait. food will always be there. but in this state of hunger, it is not good to eat because it could turn into a b/p. wait, and if you are feeling physically VERY hungry, eat something safe e.g. yoghurt, veg, fruit or have a tea/coffee. remember, hunger does pass. 

- anxious 

                yoga, go on a long walk, FaceTime someone, have a bath / shower, do some journalling, read, meditate / focus on breathing. it will pass.

- went over calorie limit 

                   so, you went over your limit. maybe you overate. but you don’t need to binge and purge. everyone overeats some days. that is okay, because tomorrow is a whole new day, the next few hours are all chances to get on track. accept that you overate, breathe and move on. you cannot gain weight from one day of going over your already very low limit but you CAN gain weight from a binge purge cycle. and you’ll lose teeth. 

- sad 

          have a bath, put on comfy clothes, get in bed and just take it easy. read or write for a distraction, watch a funny movie, put on some peaceful music. sadness passes without the use of binging and purging. b/p will make you more sad. 

- just have an urge

             this is a hard one. it feels like an itch that you just cannot reach. but you are not your thoughts. you HAVE thoughts - but YOU CONTROL THE RESPONSE. so yes, the urge is there and it feels all consuming. but it cannot force you to go and put food in your mouth. that is a VOLUNTARY decision. just recognise ‘hey this is an urge’ and ignore it. if it feels really powerful, go on a fucking walk. seriously. headphones on, coat on, long walk until it has passed. do anything apart from putting food in your mouth. 

hope this helps me, and maybe someone else.