#i really need to go and look at all the memes i threw together on my old computer

[razzle-zazzle]

I can't believe I never posted this

[cherriesformatt]

collab of the year || matt sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

summary: matt invites you to meet some friends

warnings: none I think maybe a little suggestive

word count: 1,2k

a/n: hope you like this one

I was in my bed scrolling through twitter and all I had on my page was videos and pictures from Tara's party. Which Chris and Nick attended while me and Matt had a little gateway trip for our anniversary. They called him on FaceTime and that ended up in Tara's vlog. Everyone thinks it was hilarious including me. I also loved all of the memes with Matt going to bed while the party was happening.

When we came back boys told us about everyone and that they really had fun. I was really happy about that because they usually don't really go out that much. Especially not to parties.

I stopped scrolling when I felt arms around my body.

"Good morning" I heard Matt's raspy, morning voice.

I smiled when I felt little kisses on the back of my neck sending shivers down my body.

"Morning..." I said and turned around to face him.

I smiled when he opened his eyes.

"I am surprised it's like 9 and you're up" I laughed and fixed his hair from his eyes.

"Well...I have things to do" He said and smiled.

"Like what?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Like...you" He pulled me to himself even more and I was about to kiss him when I heard loud knocks on the door.

"Are you guys up? And dressed? Can I come in?" Chris said from the other side of the door and I looked at Matt and kissed his cheek and moved away a little.

"Yes... come in" I said and Matt growled and covered his head with a pillow.

Chris came into the room and looked at us.

"I have news!" He sat on the bed next to Matt.

"Me too, I actually hate you both right now" Matt said and threw the pillow from his face at Chris.

I rolled my eyes and sat up. I put my hair into the bun and looked at Chris.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Tara invited us for dinner to celebrate 1 mil, she wants us to meet Johnnie. Jake, Larray, Sam and Colby are going to be there too. Nick also said that they can come over here after dinner and we could hang out. y/n you will finally meet Tara!" Chris said.

I looked at him. Pure panic in my eyes. I need to clean up this place.

"Well... Then I should start to clean already" I said. That was kinda my thing. Cleaning when I am stressing out.

I spent half of my day cleaning the house, even if it was already pretty clean. Boys helped me a little, mostly Matt. Chris said he is going to clean his own room. Do I believe him? No.

"So should I like match the energy and go all black?" I asked Matt going through my clothes. I already did my make up and was standing in my underwear trying to find something I like.

"I already told you, wear whatever feels like good for you" He said looking at his PC.

"I hate men" I said dramatically and texted Nick to come downstairs.

He walked into the room and looked at me.

"Wow... I bet the other triplet does not get this view. All because I'm gay, how lucky..." He said sarcastically.

"I get more than that..." Matt blinked at him with a smirk on his face.

"Shut the fuck up, my room is above you, I fucking know" He said.

"What do I wear? Help me…He is useless" I looked at Nick pointing at Matt.

"Can't you wear that dress you bought last time we went thrift shopping? And the platform docs with it" He said and went to my jewelry box.

"Those are cool, wear this too" He put a chain and some small hoops on the dresser.

"Thank you Nick" I smiled at him and started to put the outfit together.

"See learn that for the next time" I told Matt when his brother left the room.

"Just to be sure... Did Chris saw you in your underwear?" He asked and I laughed. Can't believe he was still thinking about it.

"Probably? I don't know, who cares...Matt maybe I am just going to stay home" I said and sat on the bed.

"You literally need to stop overthinking that. You know that I also am not a fan of big groups but this people are really cool and chill. It's gonna be okay" He looked at me and smile.

"You look beautiful as always and everyone is going to love you" He stood up from his chair and came up to me.

He put both of his hands on my cheeks and gave me a quick kiss. I smiled and wrinkled my nose.

"Alright..alright.. you will ruin my make up Matthew" I took his hands of my face giving him one more quick kiss.

The dinner went great. They all were really nice. Me and Matt were the only couple there so sometimes they made little jokes about it. I felt very welcome even if I wasn't part of their world. I tried to stay out from the cameras usually. But I didn't want to be rude so when they were filming stories I was on it. I was kinda stressing about people talking shit about me.

When we came to our house and at first we talked and played games together. Then we decided to go to topgolf but before that they wanted to film some TikToks.

"You and Matt are literally a goal couple. He is just so sweet checking on you all the time. Look at him he is scared I'm going to eat you" Tara said to me and I laughed.

"Yes.. he is the best" I looked at Matt with a big smile.

"Do you wanna film TikTok with me? I love your outfit so much" She asked me and i said "fuck it if tara yummy asks you to make a TikTok with her you make a TikTok with her" in my head.

"Okay...I usually only post for my friends but if you want I'm in" I smiled.

We decided to use "Tara Yummy is a mindset" audio since we kinda match with our outfits. She was a real sweetheart and such a funny person. They all were.

"I am really glad you are having fun tonight" Matt said while we were driving to top golf. He put his hand on my knee and smiled.

"It's really fun I'm glad we are doing this. And that you guys are meeting more people" I said and looked at the back at his brothers.

"Girl your and Taras TikTok is so viral" Nick showed me and my eyes went big for the numbers.

"Fuck... that's crazy" I said and Chris laughed.

"Told you that you should start to film as well" He said.

"No thank you..I just couldn't say no to Tara" I laughed.

Topgolf was souper fun. I won with Matt for the first time since forever so I was so happy. Everyone had so much fun and we filmed a lot. Boys were teaching Tara how to play and she looked so cute with the club because she is just so small.

"Matt is sad because his girlfriend is better than him" Jake said while we were on our way to the cars.

"Poor Matty" Chris made a sad face.

I laughed at them and looked at Matt. He just shook his head.

"Well...he is a winner anyways, he has the hottest girl in town, I dare you to show her to the world Matt" Tara said and I blushed.

I BLUSHED. WTF

"Are you flirting with me?" I looked at her and she laughed.

I might have a new best friend.

[writingoddess1125]

saw ur request is finally open dlsksksks i hope modern au is your jam 🤞🏻

I would love to get your thought on buggy, shanks, and minawk reacting to reader accidentally sending them a nude pic 🤧

Oh I love you RN ❤️

Okay so did I go overboard? Absolutely Do I care? HELL NO!

You Accidently Send them a Nude Pic!

Buggy, Shanks, Mihawk

SPICY THEMES! ❤️‍🔥

You are gonna need some Ice cubes 🧊 after this one ;D

If you like please Support me on Ko-Fi

Buggy

"For fucks sake" You grumbled as you looked through google- You needed a specific pose for this commission, it was an expensive NSFW one and yet you could not find the right pose and for some reason couldn't figure it from memory-

"Fuck it time to go old school-" You grumbled, Peeling off your clothes and walking to the bedroom were your mirror was, Setting up you snapped a few pictures in the pose needed.

Looking at the few shots you couldn't help but pat yourself on the back. You looked good and got the pose perfectly- Dressing back you went back to your computer.

You kept your phone gallery opened to look at the photo, embarrassed you had to go to such lengths to do so- But money was money.

As you continued your sketch you saw a message ding and smiled- It was non other then Buggy, your close friend and truthfully your partner in crime.

Buggy Boo 🤡: U busy?

Me: Yeah I'm trying to find some references, but what's up?

Buggy Boo 🤡: NVM wanted to hang out

You smiled at this.

Me: You can still but at a price 😌

Buggy Boo 🤡: Price? 💰

Giggling you open up your text gallery. You scroll through the photos to find the McDonald's meme youd saved earlier and quickly sent it-

Me: Gotta Bring Me The Mickey D's 😩 💦

However you saw two images loading to be sent with the text. Raising a brow as you waited for it to load- However when it sent and showed you the second image you threw your device across the room.. there just below the McDonald's Meme was your nude reference photo.. You tried to panic unsend but saw he read it instantly.

Fuck FUCK FUCK!!!

Expecting a call or a WTF text of some sort but .

Silence- You didn't see him text back or anything. Fear eating you up inside as you thought the worse.. He's going to fucking hate you now- you two had just been really really good friends for years and maybe had a few drunken nights together however nothing like this!

In your panic you didn't realize how much time had passed before a knock snapped you from your thoughts.

You heard frantic knocks in your front door, surprised by the urgency of them and walked over- Opening the door your face flushed with what you saw. There was Buggy, with a shirt barely and clearly backwards, his hair down in thick waves looking wet and barely holding up his pants like he had gotten into clothes on the way to you however the 4 massive bag of McDonald's in his hand clued you in he had stopped at the restaurant right before.

"Buggy?-" You say shyly and face cherry red at seeing him in such a disheveled state- that and his boxers didn't exactly hiding him very well.

"I came over as fast as I could- I also got everything on the menu-" He said breathlessly holding up the bag and you glance to see his car parked sideways in your driveway, words seemed to leave you as you could practically see the desire in his gaze as he grinned widely.

He stepped forward and gently pushed you back into the house closing your door behind him as he quickly closed the space between you two, handing you the bag whicj you could barely hold onto.

"Gotta say, that was a welcomed surprised from you. I loved it~" He purred out, You squeaking in surprise at his words as his hands found their way to your hips.

"I have some modeling I'd like to see you do~ For art purposes of course" He said with a wink.

"Y-You actually liked those?" You manage out- Buggy laughed at this.

"Of course! It was sexy, flashy, surprising all at once. Not gonna lie if it wasn't for me needing to get the McDonald's I'd have came straight here and fucked you into the floor" He growled out in desire. You decided to not tell him you were joking about the McDonald's thing.

"In that case-" You sent the bag to the side and smiled as you felt him practically waiting for you to give the OK.

"Food can wait~"

Shanks

So bored- You thought as you laid on the couch of your boyfriends apartment. Shanks, The famed biker gang leader in your state. It was famous for his skills, the brutality of his gang and the unfortunate missing arm from a accident to save a child.

However for you he was just the love of your life- and also the one who had left 3 hours ago to do some sort of meet up with his gang which always ment leaving you behind-

Deciding to text him you open your phone to snapchat seeing he was still at the bar and sent a message.

Me: Red I'm Bored 😴

Red Head: I know Babe but I'll be home soon.

Me: It's been 3 hours 🙃

Red Head: Almost done here. I'll Bring you flowers if you're good.

You rolled your eyes- Flowers if your Good hm? You stewed for a moment before jumping up and marching to the bathroom. Maybe it was boredom or sexual frustration but you figured some teasing was in order- Deciding to take off your bottoms you poses in the mirror and snapped a quick picture. Smiling as you loaded it to send

Me: Good like this? {Image}

Prepared to hit send you stopped yourself and sgiggled... This was so stupid. Why would you do this? Rational thought clearing your heated mind and you tossed the phone on the couch to stop yourself.

"Just watch TV Jesus-" You said to yourself and plopped down. Turing in the TV but heard your phone rapidly ding, raising a brow you picked it back up and your face fell- It had sent dear God it had sent. It seemed when you tossed it the screen pressed sent by accdient.

Red Head: I'll be damned-

Red Head: Holy Shit did you just take this now?

Red Head: Baby?

Red Head: I'll be over in 10 minutes..

You saw Shanks text and you felt your face grow hot. This was not how you wanted it to happen but you weren't mad either-

In 8 minutes you heard a knock on the door and you quickly rushed over to open it. Assuming his hand was full-

He smiled at you, Holding the flowers in hand which had somehow survived his speedy ride to you.

"As promised flowers" He said with a grin and you stepped back so he could enter fully and took the flowers that were handed to you.

"Thank you" You say shyly but can't meet his gaze.

"You just love giving me a heart attack hm Love?" He purred out grabbing your chin gently to look up at him.

"I had to put away my phone so quickly cause I was at the bar with the gang" He said with a chuckle as you held the flowers close to your chest.

He leaned forward releasing your chin and began to kiss your check- His body pressing into you and you felt dizzy and warm.

"I-It was an accident" You Squeak out as Shanks layered kisses down your neck- His hand pulling you by your waist as he pulled you closer, your hand setting the flowers to whatever was closest to you as you felt warmth flutter through your body.

"Really?~ Didn't seem like one to me. As yoj said you were bored~" He said softly, you hadn't realized it but he had worked you two backwards till you felt the couch hit the back of your legs and you fell with a surprised yelp. Shanks smiling at this as he pulled away his leather jacket.

"Well let's make sure I don't leave you bored again~" He winked and lowered himself right after you.

Seems you were about to have the ride of your life~

Mihawk

You kicked off your heels with a sigh as you finally made it back to your home. Flopping on the couch with a groan- be a lawyer they said, You'll make a lot of money they said- BULLSHIT!

You were overworked, under paid and under laid- it was brutal honestly but you did like your work to some degree and you got to meet interesting people.

You hear a ding from your phone and sigh, already prepared for some client to email- But instead you were met with a text Ling saying your photos were ready.

Photos?... OH The Nude Boudoir Photos of yourself! Jumping up you quickly press the downloadable link and open it up quickly.

It had been a gift for yourself, when your confidence had been down and wanted something to make you feel beautiful and sexy. Opening up the downloaded folder you smiled, it was a bit weird to admire pictures of yourself but the photographer had done such a great job!

However you were cut off when another email rolled in- Sighing heavily as you saw it was non other then you poss and CEO of the firm Mihawk Dracule. The man was a sticklier about everything and he was just lucky he was hot or else you would have slammed a folder in his face by now-

Mihawk D: (Y/N) I need the file for Eros vs Tuller Case. Seems file did not send correctly.

You sigh, that wasn't hard and you'd already downloaded it on your phone. Attaching the document from you phone quickly you sent it-

So lucky!-

There it had been the last thing you...downloaded- wait... it hadn't been the last thing you downloaded.

Dread filled your chest as you slowly opened up your phone once again and clicked the downloaded tap- Seeing two downloaded files, slowly opening the file you sent Mihawk only to see your naked body...

You stared at your phone and screamed- Bloody. Murder

'NO NO NO NO-!!' You panicked as you literally through your phone across the livingroom.

"I'm so so fired I just sent my boss my naked photos!" You sobbed as you fell to the floor, your face as red as a tomato and you damn near cried. You hear another ding and crawl to your cracked device and took a look.

Mihawk D: Come to my office tommorow morning early. We have things to discuss.

You were dead- So very very dead... You cried that night and shot out your resume to several firms and waited for the next morning.

On cue you arrived to the firm brighf and early, having to psych yourself up before going in. You walked in to the building and up to the executive office- you half expected to see a box and a pink slip waiting for you- your head low as you stepped into your bosses office.

"Sir?.." You say softly, looking up you saw Mihawk sitting there looking through some papers- Your eyes focusing on what he was so interested in and you damn near had a heart attack. Seeing professional prints of your boudoir images on his desk and he was looking through them calmly, He glanced up at you finally seeing your wide eyes and flushed face he pointed you over to him calmly.

Slowly stepping forward you stood next to him behind the desk- Seeing the expensive professional prints of your intimate photos sprawled out.

"A-Am I fired?.." You finally asked, Your voice no better then a shaky whisper.

"No. I quite like these infact- I've had many people in my company who have tried to flirt, I was even curious when youd act.. But ive never seen one as bold as this" He said clearly amused, the humiliation burned in your chest- especially since he knew you had a crush on him.. but now you were curious why he didn't want to fire you.

He flicked back to one of the photos, one were you had worn something akin to a playbunny outfit made of lace. He tapped the imagine a bit playfully.

"I must say, This is by far my favorite out of the lot... I'd like to make a proposal to you" He said, craning his head to meet your eyes as a smirk played on his lips.

You felt your brain turn to mush.. first that he liked them and second that Mihawk Dracule was smiling- Had you died?!

"A date if you will, But I'd like to explore your skills in your modeling afterwards. Back at my home. If you're more comfortable with a written contract that is fine with me, but verbal is just as good" He stated calmly, Heat flushing your form at his words and you skittishly nodded.

"What would be the terms of this contract?" You ask shyly, Now more interested then you thought it would be. Mihawk reaching into his caot and pulled out a satin case, opening it to reveal a beautiful necklace, it was very classy looking and could truthfully be worn with anything- but you realized it was a infinity choker with a key lock in the back.

Warmth hitting your body once again asnyou realized what this represented.. A collar.

"Dates, a more personal relationship and some.. let's say recreations of these works?" He said calmly still holding his favorite one.

You thought for a moment, before running your fingers over the necklace and nodding softly.

"I agree to those terms" You say a bit playfully, Earning a smile from Mihawk. He stood up calmly and picked up the necklace, moving behind you as he carefully clasped it and locked it into place.

"Wonderful" He practically purred out and admired you for a moment. Head flooding your body once more at his golden gaze.

"I will pick you up tonight then, 8 sound good?" He asked, you agreeing and he patted your behind playfully.

"Good. Now Run along now Bunny, I still need the file for the Eros vs Tuller Case" He said amused, You nodding quickly.

"Yes Mr. Dracule" You say softly and as you stepped out a blush on your cheeks and a smile on your lips.

That went better then expected~

[fairy-writes]

MY BEST GIRL

Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!!

__________________________________________________________________________

Fandom(s): Kaiju No. 8 

Pairing(s): Hibino Kafka x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Genre(s)/Tag(s): Female!Reader, Pregnant!Reader, Reader is smaller than Kafka, Childbirth

Notes: The title is inspired by what Steve Rogers said to Peggy Carter in “The Winter Soldier.”

PART ONE LINKED HERE

__________________________________________________________________________

Ichikawa Reno knew something was off about Hibino Kafka when he came to work the next day, obviously sullen and downtrodden. He kept fidgeting with his wedding ring, something Reno knew he only did when he had something on his mind.

But he wouldn’t say anything.

At least, not until Iharu found out about his marriage three months later.

“You’re WHAT?!” He gaped at Kafka, who looked spooked. His chopsticks paused halfway to his mouth, and he glanced around at the room, which had gone dead silent in shock.

“I’m what?” He asked, dumbfounded until Iharu lunged across the table to grab his left hand and point at the wedding band.

“Reno said you’re married! Since when?!” He demanded, and now everyone was getting interested. Conversations petered out as they all looked over at the commotion.

Kafka noticed everyone staring and promptly panicked. Reno couldn’t help but hide a smile at his flushed pink face and neck.

“We’ve been married for four years! Together for eight!” He squawked awkwardly, and Iharu recoiled as if smacked.

“No way! I don’t believe you!” He complained and looked to Reno, “You don’t believe him either, right?!” He asked, and Reno shrugged.

“I’ve met her. She’s nice.” Was all he said.

That caused an explosion of noise. 

And Reno noticed that Kafka snuck out in the middle of it all.

Of course, he followed him! He waited until Haruichi and Iharu were bickering and slipped out to find Kafka sitting against the wall just outside the dining room, staring blankly at his phone screen.

It was a picture of the both of you, his hand on your belly as the two of you celebrated finding out about your pregnancy. It was the one thing Kafka never shut up about until suddenly, he just stopped talking about it altogether. In fact, Reno was fairly certain that no one besides him and Kafka even knew about it.

Just what had happened?

“Is everything okay?” He asked and Kafka jumped, slamming his head back against the wall.

“Oh, Ichikawa! Yeah… Everything just… Got a bit noisy, is all.” He mumbled the last bit and that’s when Reno knew something was really wrong.

But, as clever as he was, he didn’t know how to make it better.

Hibino Kafka rolled over in bed until he was on his back and stared at the ceiling. 

His apartment felt empty. 

Cold.

He felt alone.

It had been four months since he had last seen you. By now, you would’ve been close to thirty-somewhat weeks along in your pregnancy. Had you picked out a name? Had you learned the gender yet? What was going to happen to your relationship with him? Were you really going to throw eight years down the drain?

He was just on the edge of dozing when his phone buzzed. He slapped a hand over it, dragging it closer to his face as he rolled onto his side.

Who was texting so late?

Probably Furuhashi sending a cat meme or something…

But it was like a bucket of cold water had been splashed in his face as he read the text.

It was from Haru. Your best friend and older brother. His brother-in-law.

“She’s in labor. She needs you.” 

Straight and to the point, just like he knew Haru to be. Another text and this time it was the address to the hospital. But Kafka already knew how to get there. He could do it with his eyes closed. He hurriedly threw on some clothes and shoes and was out the door before he could even really process what was happening.

You were in labor.

But it was too early! An entire month early! Sure, the baby was likely going to survive, but would you? You were a high-risk pregnancy, especially with this being your first!

Would you be okay?

He made it to the hospital in record time. He all but sprinted up to the labor and delivery ward and met Haru in the hallway. He stopped him in his tracks.

“You came.” He said bluntly, and Kafka huffed,

“Of course I did. Is she okay?” He demanded, and Haru gestured to the room.

“See for yourself.”

He checked in with the nurse coming out of your room, explaining that he was your husband and that you were asking for him. He barely said his name before the nurse ushered him into the room.

You were tired. That much was obvious. The midwife patted the sweat on your forehead with a damp towel, coaxing you through a contraction as you clenched your fists in the blanket as the wave of pain washed over you. But when you heard the door open and shut, you opened your eyes and spotted him. 

“You came.” You whispered, and he gently took the midwife’s spot next to your bed, reaching out to hold your hand. He ignored the pain of your hand squeezing the life out of his and instead smiled, 

“I couldn’t leave my best girl. Not when she needs me.” He replied and saw tears well up in your eyes. 

“But I’ve been horrible to you!” You begin to cry, and he hushes you softly, gently, like he is quieting your child, who is going to be here soon. 

“I made a vow when I married you, didn’t I? I promised I’d be there for you no matter what!” He said firmly but no less gently than he had before. 

Another contraction and the doctor instructed you to push. You let out a guttural scream as you tried with all your might. 

And a baby cried. 

[phoenixcatch7]

Honestly I'd really like to see a mxtx3 story where wwx and xl work with Sqq to reveal sqq's true backstory and the system to lbh.

I mean, think about it!! One of the biggest problems with scum villain is how even though they get together, unlike the other couples bingqiu is still left with all these huge secrets that massively affect them both. Lbh is left believing he married his mercurial abuser, that his suffering passed some sort of indefinable test that proved him worthy of basic rights. That Sqq threw him in the abyss of his own volition. That Sqq was really sacrificing his life and not faking his death with intent to survive.

Sqq is left knowing all these things but unable to act on them, unable to tell his husband about his own past, unable to explain his actions, never able to fully let his guard down because he's supposed to be shen qingqiu. He can't even tell his own husband his original name!! If he could have, he would have, even if only in the extras!

But can you imagine???

A meeting of bingqiu, wangxian, Hualian, for whatever reason, and as the three (actual) protagonists chat and gossip and get to know each other, as they talk, Sqq is at ease enough to slip up and finds out he can talk about the system to anyone from outside pidw! Not just sqh!! Maybe not completely, but he can mention some, and the other two, concerned for their new friend, are clever enough to tease the rest out. They're horrified. Sqq is resigned but freshly hopeful.

And so begins Mission: Save Sqq's Marriage!

(Sqq would very much like to contend the title but he is out voted.)

I'd just love to see the three of them (with unquestioning aid from their husbands) get up to hijinks and face existential horrors on a quest to help bingqiu get the closure they need. And moshang too, I guess XD.

It'd also be very, very funny to have them all in the middle of the latest traumatic and/or mortifying scene look around at the other two like 'hey, aren't you supposed to be freaking out now? This is normally the part people start screaming' and the other two are like 'I mean I guess?? We've got things to do though' like kings of unflappable repression right there.

(and lbh and lwj having vinegar-offs while hc is sighing dreamily watching his husband make semi decent friends for once)

Like there's a bunch of crossovers but none really scratch that itch, you know? The main characters of all 3 mxtx?? There's so much potential for Truly Unhinged Shenanigans!! Wangxian visiting pidws wife plot filled world and disappearing into the wilderness for a full week, coming back with every single piece of clothing they brought ruined. Hualian go visit mdzs and and no one believes xl is a diety and hc chomping at the bit to kill them for the injustice. Bingqiu going to tgcf and lbh getting mistaken for a calamity, or Sqq falling into the one wife plot kidnapping or something intended for a diety.

But seriously imagine Sqq complaining about something and wwx and xl immediately going 'that's not right! You deserve better!!' and Sqq is like 'no it's fine I'm used to it' and the other two slam their fists on the table like 'no!!! If [husband] was forced to keep that kind of secret I'd hate it!! You two deserve to be properly happy!! Let us help! We can fix this!' and start working with zeal and vigor while Sqq trails along embarrassed half heartedly muttering 'it's not that bad >:/'.

And when it works (presumably some clever loophole they stumbled on) and bingqiu are tearfully kissing they share a low five without looking. Or that one meme where the person getting kissed holds their hand back and their wingman enthusiastically high fives it but there's two wingmen XD!

I don't knowww but it'd be such a good premise! Ripe for character interactions!! Fluff! Crack! Angst! Daytrips and pouring their hearts out to people who'd really understand! Xl wwx and Sqq bestie team up! Meeting moshang! Wwx info dumping about his monster index categorisation to an enthralled Sqq! Xl and Sqq bemoaning etiquette while wwx laughs at them! Xl and wwx having intense discussions about morality and righteousness! All three of them laughing at how oblivious they were about their husbands, each trying to one the other two for Dumb Moments They Should Have Realised (Sqq wins by horrifying the other two)!

Forget cross country kidnappings and being locked in a room! Where is my protagonist trio getting into trouble on a self imposed mission to help their friend! Let their magnetism for insanity shine!!

[bluedalahorse]

Hi! I hope everyone is doing well. I am popping up to let you know that I’m alive, that there’s a lot going on, that I still love YR, and that I’m thinking about boundaries and priorities.

I loved Young Royals season three. I especially love how it engaged with the legacy of Erik and the systems of Hillerska. I love that it took the idea of the legal system providing catharsis and that it threw that out the window. I love the way characters got words for what they were going through, how Felice got to name the racism happening to her and August got words to name his disordered eating. Most of all I loved the way Lisa wrote Sara’s relationship with her father and her reconciliation with Simon. That meant so much to me, and I can’t wait to imagine a future for the Eriksson siblings.

Here is a brief list of things I loved about the finale. They were all written in the afterglow of seeing the episode. I stand by them. Especially how much I loved Wille’s ending, and what happened there.

In the coming weeks, I’m sure there’ll be stuff I’m more critical of or don’t feel as strongly about. I especially have mixed feelings about the way Lisa seemed to structure 3.5 in a way that mimics the emotional roller coaster of trauma. I’m not really focusing on that stuff here or now, because I don’t want to. But it’s on my mind, and I don’t know if I’ll end up posting about it here and elsewhere.

At present this post isn’t rebloggable or tagged with much of anything. That’s because I’m trying to figure out the best way moving forward with tumblr. I don’t know if I want to delete this blog and abandon it entirely, but the pressure to present a curated version of myself is too much, and is a pretty big trigger for things like rejection sensitivity and anxiety. The pace here is also too fast and there is no way to keep up with everything, and (forgive me for this cardinal sin in tumblr-land) I wish I had some easier way to not see the same sets of gifs a hundred times with the same commentary. I’m experimenting with slower ways of doing fandom, where I can enjoy myself more.

I do, however, want a way to get the cultural footnotes for Young Royals, especially when they help me write better fic and create better fanworks. I know there’s some pretty darn useful posts about how lines get translated and various holidays and traditions (and looking forward I would like to know more about universities in Sweden, and how the monarchy works and such.) So I want to be able to find the stuff I need without having to spend as much time on what I don’t need. The resource posts people make are truly helpful.

And I also have some other fannish things I want to see here, like Les Mis and Interview with the Vampire. And the memes are nice. I miss the memes.

Before I make the decision about how I engage, I think it will be useful for me to know my priorities. So I’ve thought about them a bit, and I want to make the decisions that align with my priorities. Here’s what I want to focus on moving forward:

I want to spend more time creating. The thing that has always brought me the most genuine joy in this fandom is writing fic. YRS3 ended in a place of possibility for so many characters, and I want to keep writing about them and learning about them that way. (I won’t even lie, of course most of my ideas are about August—August and Kristina working on their intergenerational cousin relationship, August getting pulled into weekly DND sessions with Wille and Simon so they can all get better at being human together while pretending to be elves or something, August doing the personal and liberatory work that allows him and Sara to one day have a Second Chance Romance with they’re older, even August/Nils because oh boy did that season give me ideas about them I never knew I had.) One of my goals is to cut down on browsing time significantly so that I spend more time writing, especially so I can finish Heart and Homeland. I think it’ll make me happier.

I want to spend more time helping others create. Some of the most meaningful experiences I had in this fandom involved being a beta reader or hearing out another person’s fic ideas, and getting to live in that space of creation and collaboration. For that reason, I’d like to still make new YR connections on occasion, especially with people who wanna share their writing process with me. Tumblr may or may not be a place to do that. I’m still figuring out where stuff should happen.

I want analysis to be something I do as part of my creative process, and that’s it. I don’t know if this is fully true, but it felt like ten years ago there was more fandom meta focused on what fans wanted to write in their fanfics, and how their interpretations of canon led to them creating cool art. There was some meta that was about how to interpret canon “correctly” but that wasn’t the priority. Now, it feels like—and this is true even outside of YR fandom, so this is no reflection on YR specifically—there is more emphasis on having the “correct” interpretation of canon. About getting it right, and having the right predictions and interpretations. It feels competitive in a way that wears me down. From this point forward, when posting analysis, I’m going to ask myself, is this furthering my creative pursuits and my understanding of the writing process more generally, or am I just trying to win an argument? If the answer is just to win, then I’m not going to post my argument. That runs counter to my goals.

I don’t want to engage in any space where anonymous discourse flourishes. Even when well-intentioned. Being away for a while was clarifying for me on that point. Turns out one of the biggest triggers for my anxiety and shame are extensive, heated conversations where I don’t know who is saying what and who I can trust. Spaces where there’s a lot of anon conversation are probably going to be ones I block and unfollow first moving forward. It just seems like a good baseline for how I engage.

So this is where I am as of now. I’ll probably continue to hold off on doing much posting in the coming days, but I did want to poke my head up for air for a second to let people know what the state of everything is.

Here’s one picture of the plushes for the road:

And here’s a picture of the waffles I ate on finale day:

Oh, to have cloudberry jam and time spent with friends. These things are truly joyous.

[coquelicoq]

hmmm for the shipping meme! matonato and hankim or yoohankim?

[ID: A graph with the x-axis labeled "makes sense" on the left and "doesn't make sense" on the right and the y-axis labeled "compels me" at the top and "doesn't compel me" at the bottom. points labeled MN for matonato, HK for hankim, and YHK for yoohankim have been situated on the grid: MN in the top left (makes sense, compels me), HK at the top and to the right of MN (makes some sense, compels me), and two points labeled YHK, one slightly above and to the left of the center (makes some sense, compels me some) and one in the bottom right (doesn't make sense, doesn't compel me). /end ID]

wow this threw me off because for some reason i assumed that makes sense would be on the right instead of the left! so hopefully i made all the necessary corrections to what i originally wrote lol.

matonato: makes sense, compels me. probably obnoxiously obvious to everyone at this point. do they get a happy ending? i mean it's very fun to think about and i love me a good actually-together-matonato concept, but probably the most compelling thing about them is the star-crossed aspect. it's not will they won't they, it's why they why not they. why do they want this and why can they never have it? it's, how can i make this about natori's self-hatred? it's, who is matoba if he quits the exorcist business? (EXTREMELY JUICY AND COMPELLING QUESTION 2 B ASKING.) it's, what changes in their individual priorities and self-conception would be necessary before they could get together? asking myself these questions and understanding why they in their current forms can't be in a relationship helps me to better articulate who exactly they are and what motivates them and gives me avenues for thinking about possible character development. but like i said i do really love thinking about matonato endgame, and even though i know it's never going to be canon (which it doesn't need to be, obviously! we are in our sandbox making our own dreams come true), i'm reading the homura arc like girl why did you do that. where are you going with this??? fellas is it gay to stalk your homoerotic rival's enemies and the answer is a resounding YES. they are a good ship because thinking about each of them in the context of the other expands my understanding and appreciation of their individual characters, but also because it would be sexy for them to mash their mouths together. both are very important elements of shipping 2 me.

hankim: i want to say this is one of the most compelling relationships in orv but they are all compelling, it's actually insane. however hankim is definitely tied for first (with twenty other relationships). her love for him is the beating heart of the story. like the entire plot hinges around her loving him so much she would [redacted], but also the central themes are exemplified by how she feels about him and what she does about it. and he trusts her in a way he can't really trust anyone else, because she knows enough about the world that he can be open with her about things he can't tell others, and because he trusts her to be competent and able to achieve his objectives. mostly to me though their relationship Is About her love for him because of how badly he needs it and how little he can understand it, and how central it is to his entire character that he needs but cannot understand receiving that kind of love. i have not yet succeeded in imagining any kind of compelling sexual relationship for them, except the somewhat indirect one where he gives her permission to make a kim-dokja-looking avatar with which to fuck yoo joonghyuk while kim dokja is elsewhere minding his own business, but that's fine, they don't need to be having sex to have a compelling relationship, obviously. so yeah it's compelling af and it does make sense, but i'm taking some sense points off because the kdj-to-hsy direction is pretty standard shipping material while the opposite direction is like the entire point of the book. it's a lil unbalanced.

yoohankim: this ship fascinates me because i definitely never would have come up with it myself. hankim? see above. yookim? see below. but yoohan - DESPITE THE WHOLE DEAL AROUND WHO YOO JOONGHYUK IS AND HOW HE GOT THAT WAY - are just like. Only Here For Kim Dokja. any relationship they have with each other is a proxy for a relationship with kim dokja, mediated by their feelings for kim dokja, and put through the sieve of who the other person is to kim dokja. i think they have a very psychosexual thing going on where they're having a lot of sex with each other but mostly in order to feel close to kim dokja, who is not involved lol. which is its own kind of compelling, certainly. i guess you could say yoohankim is the ONLY way that yoohan makes any sort of sense to me whatsoever, so in that regard yoohankim is squarely in the northwest quadrant. but at the same time i feel like if kim dokja is actually present, their relationship with each other is more like in-laws than anything else. it's indirect. they don't have divorced energy…they don't even have metamour energy. i don't know. they're like this is my sister's mailman and i have no idea what he's doing at my nephew's piano recital, which is insane to me because they should have (nonsexual) parent-child energy if nothing else. so i also have to put yoohankim in the southeast quadrant. so far this is where most yoohankim fic i have read falls, but probably i just haven't yet found the one that would unlock it for me.

to close the loop i gotta talk about yookim (joongdok). the most enjoyable thing about it to me personally is that yoo joonghyuk so clearly wants kim dokja to hold him down and it's very fun to see kim dokja have to shift his entire paradigm to make that make sense. i mean, i think all of kimcom wants to hold kim dokja down (most of them nonsexually imo), but yoo joonghyuk is the one guy who's like "if you would just stop trying to kill yourself for two seconds then i could let you out of these handcuffs so you could have your way with me. you bastard." they make me crazy because they work together SO well and trust each other SO implicitly while also being like, wow this idiot has terrible priorities and so i have to manipulate him into furthering my agenda (keeping him safe) instead of his agenda (keeping me safe). they're also that evergreen combo of guy with low self-worth who's oblivious to other people's love for him/guy who loves so hard but never uses his words about it that makes me wanna read about them getting together 100 different times. in a slightly different sense than with matonato, thinking about them as a twosome better elucidates aspects of their own individual personalities and worldviews, which makes for a compelling shipping experience.

[andrew-rannells-mustache]

Tuunbaq, terror and expedition for the ask game!

Tuunbaq - were you frightened by the show? which scene do you find the “scariest”?

I’m usually a total wimp with horror stuff, but funnily enough not really? I had an unusual watching experience because I kind of joined the fandom on tumblr before I sat down to actually watch the show. I like spoiling things for myself so all of the more “scary” scenes I’d either seen before or seen memes about which cut the scariness for me, and the show having very few jump scares definitely helped too lol. The only time I ever remember jumping while watching was in the very opening scene when JCR is with the Netsilik hunter and Crozier walks away in the background - for some reason I thought that that was gonna be a Tuunbaq jump scare and it startled me 💀

As for which scene is “scariest” - for me, it’s when they find the heads of Fairholme’s rescue party. The thought that:

1) no one is coming to save them, no one even knows where they are

2) the Tuunbaq is smart and capable enough to make a nice little display of these heads with the knowledge that they will be found by the men and it will upset them, and

3) they only got 18 miles from the ships? And that this (judging from how the heads look) happened a while ago?? They’ve been there this whole time?!

It’s just! Crazy to me! (The scene where they find Strong and Evans’ bodies stacked together fits too but honestly on my first watch I didn’t realize that it was two separate guys so it didn’t affect me as significantly lol)

^Second place goes to Collins’ horrible from supper speech. I didn’t have any idea what the title of episode 7 meant going into the show (I thought maybe they were feeling horrible from whatever they ate for supper? Maybe because of the lead or something?) so it definitely threw me for a loop! I’m not usually bothered by cannibalism as a concept, but Collins being tormented by this involuntary reaction he had to such a traumatic experience really stuck with me.

Honorable mention to Morfin’s death too - a lot of episode 7 really follows the concept of like. Desperation and the loss of hope (imo, at least), and I find it very interesting. It’s by far the episode that unsettles me the most. :-)

(One more honorable mention for the music that plays during Sir John’s death - the scene doesn’t really bother me but GOD that fucking discordant piano tune freaks me the hell out. Idk why but it is so creepy to me. If I’m alone and doing a rewatch or edit where I need clips from that scene I have to mute it because it bugs me so much lol.

Answered Terror here :-)

Expedition - top 5 favorite characters?

(I tiered them because I like a few of them equally lol)

Top favorites tier

Silna and Hickey

Second favorites tier

Irving, Hartnell, and Hodgson

Bonus characters that don’t make top five but I think about them often

Tozer, Gibson, Little, Real Hickey, Billy Orren, John Weekes

Thank you for the asks! :-)

[justanormalfangirlx2]

Sing A Little Song For Me Pt. 3

nobody asked for it, but here’s a part three i thought about 🫶🏼

three years later…

wilbur was miserable. he let the love of his life slip away just because he was afraid of commitment and being a bad husband. he was scrolling through instagram, liking random pictures and memes, not even realizing he scrolled to y/n’s profile and frowned, clicking on their profile picture, wanting to see what they’ve been up too. he sees a new guy in your life now, apparently, and frowned. he realized the girl he loved, no, still loved, moved on and had a new boyfriend it seemed like it. damn, it hurt. he wipes his eyes and calls his friend, phil and tommy.

“hey guys, i just found y/n’s instagram again and it’s making me feel like shit.”

phil looked at wilbur, worried and frowned. “wil, don’t succumb yourself to sadness that isn’t necessary.”

wilbur gasped. “PHIL! I LOVED THEM! I CANT JUST NOT UNLOVE THEM? WE WERE TOGETHER FOR OVER 7 YEARS!”

tommy sighed. “mate, you’re fucking miserable when you’re sad.”

wilbur groaned. “how do i move on though? i need some sort of closure or something.”

tommy looked innocent. “I have her address?”

”why the fuck do you have her address?” wilbur fumed.

“I um.. uh.. am partners for a project with their daughter?“ tom questioned.

“and why didn’t you mention this to me?” wilbur said, scarily calm.

“because i didn’t want to make you rip off the bandaid? or because i secretly have a crush on their daughter?”

wilbur held the bridge of his nose, sighing. “you better give me the fucking address now.”

phil looked on, watching, waiting for wilbur to blow up.

”here! her address is 2523 Rd 173 Grover Hil, OH 45849. Just don’t do stupid shit.” Tommy said.

wilbur grinned. “no promises! now bye!” he hung up the phone and visually mapped out his response to her in his head.

TIMESKIP

wilbur went out the next day, saw the house y/n was living in and grasped the ring he was carrying. he made his way to the door, sighed and knocked. and knocked.

a little boy opened the door and yelled. “mum! there’s a hot guy at the door!”

he heard a “alright, wilbur! let me get the door.” and then a perosn came into view and his heart stopped. (yes i named y/n’s child wilbur, sue me)

it was them. y/n. and god did they look amazing.

he cleared his throat and said, as any normal ex would do, “I missed you.”

the person at the door shooed wilbur away and closed the door behind them. “why the fuck are you here?”

will started to get down on one knee when jarred arrived, greeting his wife with a kiss. “hello dear, who is this?”

they kissed Jarred back and put their right hand, the one with the ring on it, towards wilbur, on his chest and smiled up at him. “just somebody that i used to know, dear. nobody really that important.“

wilbur. still on one knee frowned. “i was going to give you the world, y/n! i came here today to make you my wife! instead i find you with him.”

y/n frowned. “you had that chance a long time ago. i’m a different person now. at least i have somebody who loves me and respects me as i am, and we’re on the same wavelength with our relationship, unlike you and i. and me, i’m as happy as i can be, which is suprising after what you made me do. i have 3 amazing kids, an amazing and loving husband, and where are you? still eating ramen out of the same dish?”

wilbur scoffed and threw the ring at Jarred. “You can have the bitch for all i care.”

wilbur peeked out of the door. “mum, what’s a bitch?”

y/n stood there stunned. “well honey, a bitch is this guy here. but in the future, don’t use that word, alright, sweetheart?”

he nodded. “okay mum!”

Jarred turned to wilbur. “you better move the hell outta here before I call the cops, you bastard. and don’t come back!”

wilbur stood up and ran towards y/n gave them one last kiss on the lips and ran off. “i had to do that, at least once.”(I HAD TO QUOTE GALE FROM THE HUNGER GAMES)

y/n sighed and leaned into Jarred. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how he found me or why he decided it’d be a good idea to approach me.”

Jarred stood there, shocked. “As long as you’re here with me, it’s all that matters, dearest.”

you hugged him. “that’s all i’ll ever be.”

THE END

[the-haunted-office]

(advice column meme)

Dear.......well, I'm actually not sure who I should ask this to, so I'll just say anyone who isn't going to mock me or make a joke out of this, because I'm having a very hard time here and I really, really need help.

I recently split from my partner (not revealing name or gender, as I don't want anyone going after them about this, so I'lljust call them Partner and use They/Them) of....a really long time. And I did so during.....a really nasty fight. I.....I can't even remember what we fought over anymore. But we both said a lot of very hurtful things, and I threw things.....I think I physically hurt Partner when I did, I'm not sure. I was such a mess when it happened.

Anyway, it's been a while. I don't know how long exactly, since during that time I tried to lose myself in a project and kind of unintentionally lost myself someplace else instead, where I think time moves faster than it does here. But my issue is......I miss Partner. I miss how strong and warm their arms felt around me. I miss how they said things just to make me blush. I miss how they were always there for me......I just miss Partner. I.....I honestly don't think they wanted to split up, and that I kinda....forced it on them, in the heat of the moment when we fought. I want to say something to them, that I want to get back together or at the very least that I'm sorry for the things I did and said that hurt them. But.....I'm afraid of making things worse. Right now, we aren't talking but they don't hate me. I don't want to hurt them more.

I've been trying to work this out myself and it's proving extremely difficult. I think I need some outside help here, or at least an outside perspective to help me figure out what to do. So please, someone help me.

{ My character now has an advice column in a respectable periodical. Ask them advice on anything from romantic conundrums to windmill operation tips! }

The Haunted Office folks all look at this letter written to them, this desperate plea for help, this... relationship advice... with a mixture of feelings. Puzzlement. Sorrow. Regret. Sympathy. But above all... oh hell no, nobody got time for that. Especially since the writer has specifically requested someone who isn't going to mock them or make a joke out of it.

They spend the next two minutes playing Hot Potato with the letter, passing it around amongst each other like it's something that is poison, like whoever is holding it at the end of a particular period of time will either die or - even worse - have to respond to it. Doomsday straight up throws it at the group and flees from the room, yelling "BITCHES", without even so much as looking back. Thursday pulls her hood up over her head like she didn't even see it and hides in the nearest closet. Oleander dissolves back into code and slips back into the computer sitting next to them. Cyrus gives a mournful look at the mournful piece of paper, before mournfully handing it over to Stanley and mournfully walking out of the room. Stanley stares at the piece of paper. Looks up at September. September looks at Stanley. Says, "No." And just... melts through the floor without another word.

Stanley looks back at the letter. He reads it again, thoroughly, realizing that the responsibility of responding to this mess has been left up to him. It's a heavy burden. Saving the couple's relationship, possibly. All weight down on his shoulders.

But what could he even have to say about this? This is... beyond his comprehension. Stanley has never really been in a relationship before. Well. Technically he has. It's just that he can't remember. And since he's been in both his own Office and the Haunted Office, he hasn't been in one. He's had some... rather strange "relationships" between himself and his Narrators, but he wouldn't consider those actual relationships. The closest he's gotten is his connection with Cyrus, but he isn't really sure what that even is. It's like they're dancing around each other with something that he can't quite name, but... he has no idea what it could be.

At any rate, none of it answers this letter for him. So, Stanley shrugs, puts the letter down on the desk next to him. pulls out a fresh piece of paper, and gets to writing his response.

Dear Reader,

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. That sounds like a really rough situation to be in. I hope everything works out for you. I will try my best to help, although I have to admit my own experience with relationships is sparse.

I think sometimes we all make mistakes. We make the wrong choices without realizing they are the wrong choices at the time we make them. How can we know they are wrong until we make them? Until after the fact? You are already through the doorway before you realize it's the wrong path, and by then there is no going back. You can only forge ahead. There is always going to be a voice yelling at you to go back, that you've done the wrong thing, how could you mess everything up, you must be some kind of idiot. But the truth is, anybody could have been in your shoes. Anybody could have made your same mistake. The person yelling at you could have been anybody. Nobody is perfect, and you shouldn't hold yourself to it either.

I doubt Partner thinks that of you, and if they do, then they are not right for you. I think the only way you could hurt them more is by not saying anything to them at all. Silence is the worst thing, I think. Not having any answer. Not making any choice. It's the absence of choice that kills us. If you don't make any choice, you will never have an answer. You will be stuck in that room staring at two doors with a voice yelling at you, and the only way that voice will be right is if you don't do anything.

So pick a door. Go through one and make a choice. Even if it ends up giving a "bad" outcome, it was still a choice. Still a decision. Still something you chose to do. You will still have an answer, and a way of moving forward, a way of moving on, instead of being stuck.

I don't know if that helps at all. I hope it does. Good luck, Reader. I wish you and Partner the best.

Stanley

[celice-13]

Cycle

Tw: Writing about social axiety, trust and abandonment issues

September 2

I met new friends online recently. It happened just like that, on a random social media. You probably think it’s stupid, that it won’t last more than a month. Yet it’s been forever since I’ve been so happy. For once, I want to believe it’s real. Not that you care anyway. I won’t even bother presenting them to you. I’ll just leave you in peace, since that’s what you’ve obviously always wanted. I don’t need you anymore anyway.

Kind regards,

The sock you threw away

September 3

I told you yesterday I wouldn’t tell you about my new friend group. You know what? I lied. I guess I just really want to talk about them. So, here goes.

First, there’s Malicia. She’s very kind, and caring. She’s always the first one to ask “how are you” and to notice if something’s off. She loves drawing animals, so she often goes on walks in the forest to practice on those she sees. She’s very good at it.

Then, there’s Theo. He’s very funny. He sends a lot of good memes on random topics, and always knows how to make people laugh, even when they’re feeling down. He loves cartoons. Apparently his parents are constantly looking down on him because of that, but he doesn’t care. I admire that a bit, to be honest.

Finally, there’s Ray. Just like their name implies, they’re a true ray of sunshine. They always use a lot of emotes in their messages, and show a lot of interest in what we say or experience. They love singing and even write their own songs from time to time. It’s nice to have someone who shares my love for writing, if only a little bit.

Maybe you think it’s creepy to know so much about people I’ve only just met. And I’ve not even told you a quarter of what I know. I’m just really eager to know as much about them as possible, so I can be a good friend. Unlike you.

Kind regards,

The book you never finished

September 7

Yesterday Malicia asked if we wanted to play Uno online with her. I couldn’t come, and they all seemed sad about it. And yet they still spent a great time together, without me. I should be happy for them, right? Yeah, I should. So why does it feel like they don’t actually need me? I hate when I think like that. And it’s all because of you.

Kind regards,

The song you stopped listening to

September 20

I messed up. Theo asked about our opinion on his favorite character from a cartoon, and I said something dumb in response. He seemed really upset that I didn’t understand his favorite character right. It made me so sad I almost felt like crying. Of course, I didn’t. Seems like you took my ability to cry away with you when you left. The other day I talked about wanting to know my friends as much as possible, but in the end it looks like it doesn’t prevent me from being a terrible friend. Why am I like this?

Kind regards,

The pen you lent and never asked back

October 3

Alright, that’s enough complaining. In case you haven’t noticed - wait, who am I kidding? Of course you didn’t - I haven’t talked to you these past few days. That’s because everything’s going well. I really got worried over nothing. Sure, Theo was a bit upset at the moment, but he didn’t mean to make me feel bad. He’s just that passionate about his interests. And a week ago Malicia offered to play Uno again, and this time I was able to join. We laughed so much the neighbors knocked on the wall to tell me to shut up (I didn’t). 

I guess I really have a tendency to freak out about the smallest things. But it’s fine. Now that I’m aware of it, I’ll be more careful. I won’t lose my friends again.

Kind regards,

The old phone you discarded for the newest one

October 25

I guess I’m a big liar, huh? Being aware of my problems won’t solve them. Who was I kidding? I was away for one day and no one noticed. Of course, there were other times where I wouldn’t reply for that long because I was busy doing something else, and would get angry at anyone who’d disturb me. They probably thought I was too busy to talk again. So why does it feel so different? Why does it feel like my absence doesn’t change anything? 

Sometimes I dream of disappearing for a few days, and coming back to see who noticed. But I’d be too scared to discover no one cared.

Kind regards,

The old toy you got tired of

November 6

Why can’t I be normal about friendship? Why do I always have to doubt everything? Why does the smallest message seem to imply “we don’t actually need you here, you’re not important”? I hate thinking like that, but I can’t help it. I hope you’re proud of what you’ve done, because this is all your fault.

Kind regards,

The ripped-up plush abandoned in the corner

November 15

Malicia asked me if I was doing alright. I once said she was very attentive, and yet she’s never asked before. I guess that’s because she only cares about her true friends. So I lied, and said I was alright even though each message exchanged with them feels more and more like I’m forcing myself to be someone I’m not. After all, if they already don’t care much about the happy, I’m sure to be left behind if they ever meet the fucked-up me. Isn’t that what you did anyway? I guess I’ll never know. You didn’t even bother to tell me. 

Kind regards,

The broken glass waiting to be dumped

November 24

It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It 

IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS 

ITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTS

I hate you.

December 1

I couldn’t talk. It’s a strange feeling, not being able to talk anymore. There are so many words stuck in your throats, so many that want to come out that they get stuck. You can’t say anything, you can’t write anything. My friends probably thought I was just being rude and ignoring them. We’re drifting apart, I can feel it. I don’t feel included in their conversation anymore, because there are less and less days where I can talk normally without feeling like I don’t deserve to be part of their group. At this point I’m just a number in the group’s stats.

Maybe I should leave. Wouldn’t that be for the best? You probably hoped I’d do that, and, when you realized I wouldn’t, you did it yourself. If I’d known, I’d have left first.

Kind regards,

The dry plant you forgot to water

December 3

I’m sorry. All this time I’ve been blaming you for my problems, but maybe I should finally admit it. It’s my fault. I was annoying, I was asking for too much attention. It became so overwhelming you had no other choice but to leave to protect yourself. You were the first person I truly felt close to, the first to truly listen to me. But I took advantage of your kindness and asked too much from you. Yeah, it really was my fault if you left in the end. So maybe it would hurt less if this time, I’m the one to leave.

Kind regards, 

I’m sorry

December 5

I left. I left my friend group. Well, I guess I shouldn’t call them friends anymore, should I? I lost that right now.

It’s funny how simple it was. Just one click, and it was all over. No more doubt. No more pretending, from me and from them. Now the only thing I have left is my loneliness. But it’s fine, I’ll get used to it. I have to.

People say human beings can’t stand loneliness. But what about those who aren’t meant for relationships of any kind? I’ve destroyed every friendship I’ve ever created. I poison them. Yes, poison. I like that word. I’m toxic. I look for new friends, I get invested hoping this time it will go better, and then I start being a hindrance until I drag the ones I’m supposed to love with me. And then I leave, and the cycle restarts. I’m toxic. And it all started with you. I won’t start blaming you again. As I said, it’s my fault you left. But ever since, I’m always destroying the new bonds I forge. 

So, yeah, I should probably just give up on friendship, and get used to loneliness. That way, I won’t destroy anyone again. About time I realized it, you’d say. And you’re right. I’ve caused enough damage already. It’s time to stop.

Kind regards, 

The friend you left behind

July 30

I met new friends online recently. It happened just like that, on a random social media. You probably think it’s stupid, that it won’t last more than a month. Yet it’s been forever since I’ve been so happy. For once, I want to believe it’s real. Not that you care anyway. I won’t even bother presenting them to you. I’ll just leave you in peace, since that’s what you’ve obviously always wanted. I don’t need you anymore anyway.

Kind regards,

The one who can’t forget you

[monster-noises]

hi!! please tell me about lazarus!! i keep seeing your art and the sidebar image on your blog, i would love to know more!!

OHOHOO I thought I had passed the point where someone who followed me Wouldn't know who Lazarus is... but if you're newer I guess you probably would have missed the Hayday where there were new pictures of him every like.. two days!

but yes, absolutely, I will tell you about the Boy :3c

To start with the Context: Lazarus Bosch is my Resident Evil Village OC, brought to proverbial life about twoooo months after the game came out as a result of me falling terribly in love with Karl Heisenberg (and the general world of the game) and needing to Do something about it Lmao He changed a fair bit since his first iterations(none of which made it online), and originally I wasn't going to share him with anyone, but as I gained confidence with my fanart, and as his story kept swirling and growing in my mind, I saw other folks posting about their own OC's and I let go of the Cringe and threw him out into the world (/v-v)/ At this point in time I am working on actually Writing his and Karl's story in the form of a Fan Comic called Flesh and Hot Iron (FaHI, for short)

Now! the boy himself! Lazarus, before he is anything else, is an artist. In the old world he made inert mixed-media taxidermy Automata, in The Village he makes sculptures of living flesh using the power of the Cadou. His art was and Is his world, it is Creation before all else, up to and including his Self Preservation Instincts. Which is... how he ended up in The Village in the first place really. He's passionate, frequently obsessive, frantic and often moody, just imagine what it would look like if you took a Mad Scientist and shoved it in the skin of a Pretentious Artist and that's pretty squarely Lazarus at a glance. Elegant and Terrifying, Beautiful and Filthy, a Man with an Inhuman nature... He's not that simple as a character in the wider scope of his narrative of course, he's got Much more Going On, but we can't be here Forever and also there will be the whole Comic to get into that! (I am also Notoriously bad for expressing these sorts of things in words alone, I need to show that man in Situations to get the point across dfjkghsdg) as the impetus for his creation would imply he and Karl are Together and the story of their relationship and lives in the Village are the core of the Narrative for FaHI, Though Lazarus is the focal character we see the world through. I usually describe them as like.. the same note played at different octaves, two harmonious pieces come together to form something great and terrible and resonant, if not just straight up fucking annoying. Their story is about trying, about wanting to try, about making the best of a bad situation and fumbling your way to something Good when you don't really know what that means, about being human but also being monsters, about loving both Because and In Spite Of, about rage and fear, and of course about Nasty Old Man Sex... and that.. should theoretically give you the basics! If you want some more juicy and specific details I Did do a full-detail character-exploration post here! he also has a character playlist called; Hands in the Belly of the Divine and him and Karl have a playlist of course called Flesh and Hot Iron !!! His tag on my blog is Meat Husband, where you can find what is basically a pinterest board of things that have his Vibe, inspiration for his art, and Jokes and Meme's

[jacketlady]

I know I'm speaking to the void, but I can't sleep, and I know I will never stop thinking about it. It's a good place to get my thoughts out there, and those who know will know. Forgive me if it's scattershot.

I just really miss my old online friend right now, and it kills me inside to this day that I may never know what happened to them. I've been facing a lot of personal familial losses this year, and thus I keep getting reminded of this one in particular. I've tried "moving on", but I don't know if I ever fully will. I've been quiet about it for a while, but I need to get it off my chest.

It's true what they say in that you never know when the last time you talk to a person is - it just happens. Just like I didn't think that night on Animal Crossing: New Horizons would be the last time we'd play online together.

It was funny - what happened. They had asked me what some of my favorite villagers were, and among my long list, I accidently mistyped Cheri, when I meant Cherry (the goth dog girl with a sisterly personality). They were excited and asked if I wanted them to move Cheri into my town (since they had her), and I was delighted and said yes! I realized as it happened that it wasn't Cherry, and was, in fact, Cheri (she's a red bear cub with a peppy personality - I know, it's confusing). But I didn't correct them, and I didn't say anything to the contrary. I was grateful I got to have one of their villagers in my town. In the end, I was just so happy I had someone to play Animal Crossing with and that I made a new memory with a friend there. And best of all, I had the chance to get to know a new villager that I hadn't had in any of my previous towns before.

After we stopped playing that October night of 2021, (God, has it really been nearly 2 years?), they were getting a new job and said they may not be as active. Which is fine you know, life stuff happens! Messages were sparce, but they were still there for a bit.

Their very last message I received was them being excited about having Takis and a clementine over their lunch break. We were catching up. Nothing strange or unusual, just a fun little thing they wanted to talk about in their free moment.

I didn't know that would be the last I had heard from them.

I thought that they were just busy those last few days when they couldn't talk. I left pebbles for them - funny memes I thought they'd like and pretty pictures of clouds I found so they could see them when they got the chance. Again, it was October, and Halloween was fastly-approaching. I was so excited to show them my Beetlejuice costume I threw together for Halloween, and get them caught up to speed on my D&D session that night! But I didn't hear anything back yet.

Hallows Eve, I find out that all of their Tumblr blogs and online accounts are gone through their mutual friends, and that they vanished without a trace. No word on why they were leaving - just gone. I didn't even know until it was too late. That time that I thought they were just busy, in actuality, they disappeared in that absence. Unfortunately, it takes a while for Discord to show that a user has deleted their account.

I know I naturally want to blame myself and think that maybe I did something wrong to make them leave, but I know that isn't true. All the things I wish I could have said and done, had I'd known they'd leave, plauge my mind at times. I'll always have hunches as to why they left, but I don't know the truth. I realize that I'll never know the reality of the situation unless they come back online. I just hope that they're okay and that their life is going well. I hope that they finished their Animal Crossing town and got it just the way they wanted. I hope that they finished, or are at least continuing, their writings in their spare time. I hope that they are continuing to make their awesome artworks to this day - whatever it may look like. Whether it's the original characters and sculptures they made, or Beetlejuice, or Doc Ock, or maybe even their spidersona since the new Spiderverse came out (they're probably on that Spiderverse kick, let's be real). I hope that they are achieving their goals and doing what they love to do, and I hope that they find peace and happiness - they deserve it.

These days though, I can't help but find myself even more worried for them. After all this heinous anti-LGBTQ+ shit that's going on right now, and knowing about the context of their unfortunate family situation, I hope that they are safe more than anything. God, I hope so.

It's hard to play Animal Crossing now after their absence, but when I do, I go and visit Cheri. I even planted an orange tree in front of her house, since I know how much they liked clementines, and I think of them. As a veteran Animal Crossing player, I understand why the old feature of villagers moving away suddenly was supposed to reflect how people you love and came to know would sometimes just leave. But I'm glad I can be a little selfish with the new game in that - even if I don't play the game as much anymore, Cheri will always be there for me to visit. I'll always have a little reminder of them.

I love you friend, I will never forget you, and I wish you all the best. Thank you for being a part of my life, even though probably it wasn't as long as we'd like. Thank you for all of the laughs, the meme exchanges, the silly sketches and drawings, the youtube viewings, the late nights on animal crossing, the deep talks at 2am, and so on. I will always cherish all of the things we did together and will never forget them. I wish I could hear from you again, but I also understand that I may not. Please know you are dearly loved by many and are very, very missed.

[keefwho]

August 25 - 2024 Sunday

10:40am

I haven't been journaling mostly because I was getting to sleep late every night and also my power went out the day before yesterday overnight which was terrible.

Friday was looking good for most of the day, I remember feeling good. I especially looked forward to all the plans I had been making because I finally feel like I can do things I want to do if I start committing to when I plan them instead of rescheduling until I'm in the perfect mood. But the power went out at 4pm while I was drawing. It looked pretty bad but my hope was that it would be back in about 6-8 hours like the usual average but it took 20. That night was fine, DS and I called on my phone and she screenshared memes while I drank. It was really fun. I didn't expect to talk about some of the stuff that came up while also stressed about the power loss but I was very open to it, I guess I was just in the right mood. It was good that we did. I always like to think I'm good to talk about anything at just about any time and I mean that. If it's needed, it's needed. I would expect the same thing from my friends.

Saturday was rough, I woke up from my rough sleep and became extremely stressed about the situation. It didn't help that I was also extremely hungry and starting to feel dirty from not showering. My toilet was also disgusting since I couldn't flush it. I remember laying on the floor and listening to Bob Ross while waiting for anyone to respond to my DMs and that got me to relax. I asked dad if he could take me to the store where I got some much needed snacks and a big container of water to flush my toilet with. So things were looking up. Something that really got to me was my LED strip going out. The battery it's hooked up to did not accurately calculate how much energy it still had, not even close. Good to know I can't rely on that I guess. BR and JG kept me company in the morning a little and that was nice, even if I couldn't use my mic because of the poor connection. I think the biggest thing I needed was company, but that also says something about my state of being. I think I should be able to be okay for 20 hours alone, even if it's dark and I lack basic amenities. Looking back I wonder why I wasn't able to focus on playing things on my switch or reading one of my books. Eventually I had accepted my fate and laid down, more or less banking on the power coming back before I decided to get up. And it did, at about 1pm. I can not describe the intense relief that happens when it comes back, every time.

The first thing I did was clean up and get myself showered. I was so happy to finally get my dishes clean and my hands washed. The shower was heavenly. For lunch I threw together a chicken stew but it wasn't great. I think I've learned I need the tyson grilled chicken chunks to make it real good, thats my best option right now but I used canned chicken instead. I had that and a chocolate twinkie with a late cup of coffee while I prepared everything for book club. I had to rush it but I got it done just in time. We had a good turnout but UP didn't show despite showing a lot of interest and promising to be there. I guessed correctly that she must have slept through it. When I asked her, she said she was really excited and was reading the book out loud to some people, kids maybe? I thought that sounded sweet. She also asked if she could bring other people along and I do want new recruits so that was promising.

After the book club, TK, WX and I hung out until real late. We went to that pink, Barbie-esque world I love and had some interesting conversation. GOOD conversation because we all shush and let each other talk and really listen. It was so refreshing given the last week's poor success conversing with people. I had one big takeaway from our discussion: that the only thing you need to do to be worthy of love is to be yourself. It sounds corny but here is my logic. I'm someone who has struggled to be my own person my entire life. This is largely due to pressure to conform from a young age, especially from my parents. I'm someone who has mistook poor dynamics for true connection, mostly becoming attached to others and incorporating into their identity. But the purest form of connection happens between 2 individuals that recognize each other as such. It takes a lot more and means a lot more when someone doesn't have to take interest in you or be there for you but they do it anyways. They can go off and have their own adventures but they always come back to you. That requires both parties to be their own people, to be themselves. I'm not sure real love can happen between two people without that. So instead of focusing on things like financial status or even something important like emotional maturity, I want to focus on being who I am. The good thing is that I assume most of us want to be better people inherently so stuff like maturity will still come with my self discovery. I dont think I worded any of this as well as I meant to but it's more for me to get out and process anyways.

Saturday night I felt connected to the people I was talking to and I contribute that to my recent focus on what is really happening in my life in this moment and viewing myself as an independent person doing MY own thing. Right now I'm trying to change my relationship with others. Usually I am afraid of change and I still am, but I'm putting the power in my own hands. If things have to change then at least I have the reigns. I really am tired of being guided around by others or by circumstances. In regard to others, I think I'm learning to enforce real boundaries.

10:55pm

6.5/10

This morning I took the time to shave my whole body and super moisturize, that felt good. I made a delicious combo of spam, green beans, and spicy ramen. The new frozen green beans I got are really good. Then my dad taught me how to use a chainsaw briefly. It was cool, a little scary and harder than I thought. Then I made and sipped my coffee while I got on VRchat with TK. I didn't have any plans or desires and neither did she so we decided to experience whatever happened in public worlds. We found ourselves in some sort of anime murder high school RP thing they we incorporated into and actually played. She was the one actually doing it and I was her emotional support horse. There weren't enough slots at first for me to participate and I had to keep stepping away to prep lunch. We were there for awhile and DV joined too. He told me all about his current racing phase. After he left, we went to a hide and seek world which was a cool little experience. Then I got off to eat my lunch and chill with DS. We watched Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2 and I liked it. I think the only one I hated was BD Part 1. We also watched some Otakon content while she made her birthday party announcement pic which I posted in my announcements channel. In bed we did our usual puzzles and then I joined BR and friends for an hour of Minecraft but I was kinda bored.

[xferxanityy]

2-10-24

everything fucking hurts so much all the time

even if i’m not feeling anything it’s like i have this crushing weight on my chest and rib cage and i can’t breathe and it hurts so bad.

i can’t sleep

i miss you so fucking much and i just wanna go back to how things were and have you here with me so i can see your face and lay with you and smell your cologne when i wear your shirt and in our bed.

i want you to come to me and tell me you messed up and that you want me to come home

i want you to hold me until i fall asleep

i wanna go outside and see izzy and max and i miss all the stupid ass chickens running around.

i miss your mom calling me at the most random times just so we can bullshit and talk

i miss mochi and all the puppies and i miss little bit.

i miss just being in your presence while you played video games and us smoking together

god i would give anything to go back and spend just one more night, one more regular night with you where it was safe and everything was okay and i knew that i still had myself together

i hate being here.

i haven’t been sleeping much and not been eating much

i keep having these thoughts like if i were to die or something i would be okay with it

i want to relapse

i get choked up when i’m in my room because everything is so misplaced and nothing of mine belongs

i haven’t even unpacked yet

love, please come back to me

don’t just throw everything away.

i know you want to work on yourself and i know it’s selfish of me to ask but please stay with me

i can be better and we can work through it. i’ll do whatever you need me to. i wanna be there with you and it kills me to know that you’re all by yourself all the time but you don’t even seem half as destroyed as i am.

maybe you are

i don’t know

but you’re just posting memes and going on like normal

did this really not mean that much to you ?

am i that easy to forget ?

i wish you were too.

i’m so angry with you

i’m so angry with you because you know exactly what i’m feeling and you won’t fix what you caused.

you ripped my soul out of my body and threw it away like it was nothing

and then held me while i cried and rubbed my back like everything is fine.

why are you doing this to me ?

i wanna hurt you just as bad, but i also want to be your peace.

i want you to be just as miserable as i feel. i want you to see me everywhere and i want it to drive you crazy like it’s doing to me.

but i also want you to look at me and feel okay and at home. no matter what we’re dealing with.

you showed me the most vulnerable parts of you and your life and i held you while you cried

and yet you still pushed me away

and you still cherish that god damned ring

and i’m so sick of not knowing if it’s her, or if it’s your mind i’m fighting with.

whichever it is, it’s putting up one hell of a fight and i think you’ve slipped away from me completely this time.

[crystallineirises]

Emmy 2024 Liveblog

We high, we got snacks, we filled out a physical ballot lets see if i can figure out my mom's tv

heyyyyy a brother for MLK day

I do think about how he marched for me, a black girl, to say "step on me" about white women on the internet *black power fist*

I'm bored already lol

I turned the volume down lower so i can eat my little nosh

Why does the Fox camera never look as good as the other cameras, this has got an American Idol glow on it

I was like "is that Pete Davidson"

MOM

FOLLOWED BY SARAH

CHRISTINA why have not finished Dead To Me oh yeah cause I don't want it to end

ROUND OF APPLAUSE AND TEARS

TWO HITS DISABILITY AND OZEMPIC GO AWF

OH J - no it's not it's comedy

I'm rooting for everybody black actually I'm rooting for everyone this is stacked

AYO GET YR ASS UP HERE

Oooh Padma is looking fine

The energy of this is already better than the whole GG

CAAAAROOOOLLLL

They should just stay standing up

She looks so GOOD and that joke hit PERFECTLY women are better at everything

I don't really know which way this is gonna go

I still need to watch Poker Face I keep forgetting

QUINTAAAAA she looks so sweet

Damn Sarah got that ICE round her neck alright rap star girlfriend

SHERYL LOOKING REGAL

Didn't prepare nothing I love it

I really don't need to annotate the physical ballot and live blog but WHO CARES this is for me

Can these commercials stop the Discord said this is J's category and I know its not gonna be her but what if it *was*

I'm that meme of "Bruh thinks he's on the team" I've been nervous all DAY

Sam Seaborn what's up why are you hosting weird shit

*adds Sopranos to watch list*

Oh they have props money

OMG it's the mom from Rizzoli and Isles!!! OMG HEY

Hoooooo here we go

THESE GAYS

Eighty damn people in this category

GASP if you're gonna lose lose to Jennifer love this for us *CAW*

ALL THE EVIL GAYS

Your arm still broken damn

Someone give us the bleeped version plz but also he nailed that stare

Alan with his rocks and insects speech tho

SARAHHHH LOL TOMGREGS WINNING

DAMN that theme song sounds banging on this soundbar I really should learn how to use this tv

How is Curb still on the air? Not that it's bad, it just seems like it's been a very long time lol

Someone on Discord just said they wondered if they're gonna do a Friends thing for Matthew OH MY HEART in memoriam is gonna be roughhh

I'm not high enough lol

AYEEE EBON

Also that leather jacket is sickkk

I like the lack of commentary as they walk up, can we keep this shit classy

FIRST AD let's shout out the tech TEAMS

BLACKPEOPLEEE

I didn't realize Jeremy was also a small man lol I kinda would have loved for OMITB to win something but it's cool

sweet baby full of LOVE

AMY AND TINA

Smoke break

A pyramid lol

That woman behind him in the navy dress looked hot oh it's in a suburbs kinda way that's a great fucking dress though

OH she's not here? SHE ALWAYS HERE that's how black moms work

BEANS DONT BURN ON THE GRILL

Hannah's face and Kieran's face

BLACK DONT CRACK AND ITS NEVER TOO LATE

This is the blackest show i've ever seen without that many black people nominated

So many babes in this category

MORE BLACK WOMEN BLACK QUEER WOMEN

THIS SPEECH IS GOING OFFFFFFF

AND HER MOM I need to have all the black moms in the audience in a glamour shot together

oh and NOW we are high let's get into it YUH *rock on emoji*

WHERE EVERYBODY KNOW YR NAME

NORM

I love The Bear but I do like when things get spread out a bit? There's so many shows out there

*survivor yell*

YAY FOR THE GAYS AND GWORLS AND KWEENS AND THEYZ

Arsenio looks GOOD

Who is this beautiful woman

ALWAYS SUNNY THE KINGS AND QUEENS OF MY HEART and they look AMAZING

JUNO YOU LOOK SO HOT that hair swoop is STRONG

LOL can we get a full transcript of all bleeped things

shouts to all the negative bank account hoes out here

GREYZ BEBEZ where's Kate Walsh

BARZ

OH GOD GILLIAN i am about to lose it

Just kidding they just threw us off with x files theme that's fucked up

MAD MEN THEME ANOTHER BANGER

NOT THE HUG

*twerk team* also Sarah Snook

omg the boy from 30 rock his face is me

this speech was boring but that shot of J was great

Beef is so good so far but I'm only two episodes in

Not enough people have been chased off the stage honestly

Amy and Tina you look GREAT

ELTON JOHN EGOT GAYS IS WINNING

Ryan is chaotic evil lol but he sure has given us some shit to watch

Secondary Beef sweeeep

That's the thing, you get one good role and then you win all three awards it can get a little boring

you're gonna make it after aaaaaaallllllll

and a HAPPY MLK DAY TO US ALL

Jessica nominated for something in every awards show and every time she's just sitting around being pretty and chill

JOAN AND TARAJI DREAM BLUNT ROTATION

invited everyone you kneewwwooooooowww you would SEE the biggest gift would be from ME and the caaaardd attached would SAY thank U for being a friiiiieeeeeennnddddddEEEEENNDDDDD *dah*

How is there another 50 minutes of this I'm pretty much over it

Also this new show with Diane Lane *gay panic*

not a compilation video of TV lol

WAG THEME

*we ARE welcome*

GOD look at her why am I always in the room with my mother when she's on stage lol

Yay gay people winning again

YES THEY DID BABY TRENT DID HIS THANG

Looking at her titties looking at her nails looking at her ass looking at her dress i am so femme and so gay and also so femme

I love that *this* is why they had the WAG theme that didn't register at first lol

Is RuPaul singing this song in the background wait maybe thats Titus or Billie who IS that lol which black gay is that

What up Sarah Kate that's a very gay outfit lol

Okay we have another 40 minutes though so like...unless we're gonna have Sarah speak for like seventeen minutes

They also keep panning to Jessica Chastain because she just looks beautiful at all times at all angles in all and it doesn't make any sense

LOL they found Bella like quick where's an enby quick, lol panning to Jenna holding a girl's hand

OMG Babette from GG love her guitar jacket that's camp

"Why is this always so fuckin SAD" - crystallineirses on in memoriam segments

LESLIE

PAUL

IRENE

I am gonna CRY how dare they

not the collage like it's top model

I came back to some random dance sequence lol what up Calista

oh LORD it's Kieran's time *MANIFEST*

MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN

SO MUCH KISSING BRIAN WHAT

SHIRTS OFF SHIT

MO GAYS

THE DEEP SIGH

MANIFEST

TEAM SHIV

SHIV BABIES WE DID IT

THIS IS OUR TIME

EMMY WINNERS SARAH AND KIERAN

"MLK allowed me to celebrate a bunch of white people depicting even worse white people" - crystallineirses on the Succession wins

MEN KISSING ON TV

FX IS TIGHT

GO J GO

get your way to him lol

Why are they off screen lol

Not me just watching J and Kieran shuffling around

DAMN Hannah

it's been real yall

Just more hugs for all the boys

MLK IN THE CREDITS