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lixiesfreckless · 1 month ago

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Die With A Smile | k. sw.

➸ synopsis: with nothing but a stone door between you and not-so-mythical creatures, tension rises and the truth spills out when—or perhaps from whom—you least expect it.

➸ starring: kim sunwoo x reader

➸ word count: 1.3k

➸ general content: fantasy au, royal au, lives in jeopardy and people in peril blah blah blah oh yeah dragons

➸ warnings: if kissing or dragons scare you you're fresh outta luck

➸ rating: teen+

➸ author’s note: (I've been reading this fantasy book for two days and the brainrot got to me :p so when I started a game of frantic fanfic with my girl @ashonheavenscloud you best BELIEVE I subjected her to the madness. thanks for co-writing this with me, angel)

Sunwoo slides the safe room door back into place with a labored yell before collapsing into the stone, brown eyes adjusting to the dimly lit space. You stand a few feet from him, desperately pulling at the bows of your gown.

“So they were real after all,” you heave, pulling at a sash. “The dragons. They’re real.”

Sunwoo nods in astonishment as a ground shaking roar reverberates through the stone wall, sending an excited shiver up your spine. You tear off the outer layer of your dress and almost shriek in anticipation.

“All this time, they told us it was just a folk tale,” Sunwoo whispers, unable to fathom it himself despite having seen it with his own eyes. “And now they’re…terrorizing the castle?”

“Sunwoo, don’t you know what this means?” you whisper eagerly, pushing aside your discarded clothes and glancing around the room, assessing your hideaway. Compact stone walls, lanterns hanging and casting a dim glow on Sunwoo's face as he glances at you with an incredulous expression.

"Uh, yeah, that we're going to be burned to bits of charcoal?"

"The prophecy, you dimwit." You sigh. The boy refutes with his own exasperated breath.

"You really believe defeating these things can put an end to the gem wars and unite this pile of rubble we call a kingdom?” He jokes bitterly, checking his face for any more cuts. “I think we’d get our asses handed to us if we even tried.”

“Right, but if they told us that dragons and all of the fables and tales were a lie, then I can only guess what else might be true.”

Your hands slip behind you to your corset, reaching for the strings in an attempt to untie it.

“At this point, anything goes. And that means that that prophecy, with the knight on the dragon, is as good as gospel.”

Sunwoo furrows his eyebrows for a split second, before taking two quick steps towards you. “Y/n, you don’t mean—“

“I do,” you say and huff, dropping your arms in frustration. “Someone has to try.”

“But we’ve never seen anyone tame them!”

“If I recall correctly, before today, neither of us had even seen a dragon,” you counter, and Sunwoo opens his mouth, then snaps it shut when he can’t seem to come up with a response.

As he watches you from behind, only one thought comes to mind, one that terrifies him more than being burnt to a crisp by a beast.

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

At his low blunt voice, you freeze momentarily, considering that possibility for what feels like the first time, despite knowing how much it very much is not.

“Yeah well,” you sigh, just barely grabbing at the laces of your corset to pull the loops loose, “you’ve always said I was always in the right place to make a name for myself, so…”

”I meant that in a ‘you have the means to’ kind of way, not for you to go and make yourself some kind of a martyr-”

”Well what does it matter anyway?” You exclaim, twisting around to face him with a flushed face. “What does it matter if I die?”

Your breath comes in short and quick puffs, clouds of steam inhabiting the diminishing space between you two as he stares at you in shock.

“My family is ruined,” you spit, a rogue tear slipping out of one eye, “my title is a chain to which I’ve been bound by birth, I have no prospects, no possessions, my very existence is meaningless—”

”Not to me!”

Your eyes widen after Sunwoo yells, both of his hands holding a tight grip to your shoulders as he breathes heavily and tries to right himself.

”I don’t care how selfless you are, or how unimportant your life seems to be, or how true this so-called prophecy is,” he says in a low voice, staring at the stone flooring as he blinks hard. “I’ll be damned if I lose the only person I’ve ever loved, because you’re so quick to risk it all for a society that’s never cared. About you. About us.”

Mouth agape, you hardly find the air necessary to breathe before you let go of the laces in your hands, nearly shaking in his grasp.

”You…” More tears prick at the corner of your vision, making it even harder to see him in the low lighting. “You love me?”

He picks up his head, gazing straight into your shocked demeanor with a small but sure nod.

”Fates and swords, Sunwoo,” you choke out a sob, fingers trembling as you reach up to cup his bruised cheek, “why…why didn’t you ever-”

”Because I couldn’t risk,” he begins, teary eyes now mirroring yours, “losing the only person I’ve ever loved.”

He watches as you fall to pieces in his hold, trying to sort through the muddled emotions swirling through your mind. The muffled sound of shouting and heavy blasts echoes from the closed door, and you wonder how much time you'd even have staying here. If it would even make a difference to hide or to face the threat head on. But then you feel Sunwoo's fingers curling around your shoulders, so tightly it almost hurts, like he's trying to remind himself that you're still there. Drinking in the feeling of his touch, the warmth of his face in your palm, you realize you're doing the same.

His eyes stay locked with yours, and it's obvious that he notices the shift in your realization. That this moment may very well be the last one you get together like this, if you’re so unlucky.

You don’t know what compels you to do it. But one second you’re standing in his hold and the next, you’re throwing yourself into his chest, crushing your lips with his as tears stream down your cheeks.

He catches you with ease, pulling you hard against him, but careful enough to not splinter the boning in your corset as you both attempt to steady yourselves, simultaneously unwilling to part for another second. Sunwoo kisses you back hard, desperately, freely, and you know that he feels just as frantically that you may not have this chance again. There's a million things to regret, to wonder—if you had said something sooner, if he’d said something sooner, if time could be on your side—but you shove aside those thoughts. You're not wasting a second more.

Sunwoo's hands slide up to hold your face, the same way you're doing with his. It's equal parts tender and firm, like he's holding you together—like he's holding himself together by extension. And then you lose yourself in his mouth pressing against yours, communicating all the unspoken feelings you don’t have time to voice. But you can feel each word in the trace of his thumb along your cheekbone, his breath on your skin with every brief pull back before diving in again, his wet tears that spill over your fingers and pool by the corners of his lips. You taste salt, and regret, and relief all at once.

And then you pull back yourself, and whisper it back.

“I love you too.”

Sunwoo looks as if he’s seen another dragon as he stares back at you, a fire alight in his eyes. He gently presses his forehead to yours as he stumbles you both into the cold stone wall, barely being able to hold himself off of you as he takes in the sight of you, flushed and breathless.

“Please,” he begs, hand dropping to hold yours down by your skirts, “please say that again.”

“I love you, Sunwoo.”

At that he smiles widely to himself, lifting the back of your hand to his lips and kissing it over and over again.

“Maybe I’ll join you in taming these dragons,” he chuckles, turning your wrist to press one last kiss against your palm before holding it to his face.

"Because now that I've heard that, I can die a happy man."

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cto10121 · 2 months ago

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Romeo and Juliet’s Instalove Makes Sense, Actually: A Very Hot Take

So a big chunk of R&J clownery I constantly eat on this blog is the neverending bitching about R&J falling in love at first sight is unrealistic and based on lust because they don’t even know each other and how William Shakespeare totes meant it as satire and blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, love at first sight/instalove was a very popular trope in Shakespeare’s time, and Shakespeare himself used it constantly in his other plays. Occam’s Razor: He liked it. Also, er, it is very much a real-life phenomenon. If perhaps overrepresented in fiction.

But anti whinging aside, it does beg the question: What did attract R&J to each other in the first place? I’ve talked at length about their similarities and their compatibility personally, verbally, and socially, but the bulk of the evidence is largely after they have met. So it makes sense why R&J would stick together and even prefer shuffling off their mortal coil than not be together. But at first sight? Without knowing a thing about each other besides their appearances?

R&J obviously do value physical beauty, but that in and of itself doesn’t explain why they would be attracted to each other. Shakespeare makes it a point to tell us that Capulet invited all the hot women in Verona, including Romeo’s crush, Rosaline. Why didn’t Romeo fall for any of them, or simply pine for Rosaline from afar? Juliet was dancing with a knight when Romeo saw her, and there were at least boys her age and not related to her, including Mercutio and Benvolio. Why didn’t she prefer any of them? And then there is the underrated fact that they met during a masquerade ball at night.

My very hot take? Shakespeare kept the instalove of his source material because his R&J would, in fact, fall 100% in love with each other for reasons other than hotness, and it is plausible that they would do so. And I’ll prove it: through Y/N dynamics.

Romeo’s POV

You’re the son and heir of a lord, living in 15th century Italy. Good news—you got male privilege! You have been given a fine education (for the time) in Latin, Greek, rhetoric, and so forth. You know how to read and write and duel people with pointy sticks. You have been raised to lead, and thus people are predisposed to take you seriously. You can do whatever the fuck you want with whoever the fuck you want, within reason. So long as you conform to this role and not show any unruly womanish traits, you’re good to go.

That said, you live in a macho society that is 100% okay with killing other people with sharp pointy sticks because they said something rude to you. Not only that, but your family has revived a blood feud with another family who hate your guts. Hence, your chance of dying a bloody death is astronomically high. Despite this, you turn out to be a pretty cool and even-tempered guy—you don’t cause trouble in the slightest. Your dad’s enemy even acknowledges your sterling reputation as a “portly gentlemen” and a “well-governed youth.”

In fact, you’re so chill that your biggest problem is that this hot girl you like doesn’t like you back. Even worse, she refuses to have sex, period. Which means she won’t have sex with you. You are a teenage boy, and this is indeed the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Fuck your life.

That said…you are not really doing much to get Hot Chick Who Won’t Have Sex With You to change her mind about you sex, are you? All you’ve been doing so far is 1) sneaking off to weep beneath sycamore trees in the early morning and 2) bitching to the Friar about HCWWHS, and 3) bitching to your cousin about how HCWWHS won’t spread her thighs to receive your that sweet golden cum (yes, that is verbatim). And when you find out that HCWWHS is going to this party at your enemy’s house, you don’t exactly jump at the chance to see her, do you? Your cousin literally has to convince you to go. Your response? “Fine, but I won’t Like(tm) it.”

Sure enough, you don’t. In fact, halfway through, you tell your friends you want to turn around and go back home. Nah, you say. It’s not worth it. You had a dream/premonition and now the party has bad vibes. (HCWWHS who? Ngl, you kind of just forget about her). Your cool friend mocks you for taking a ~dream seriously, ffs, but honestly you don’t pay much attention to him. You decide to go anyway, not because of HCWWHS or your cool friend, but because you march to the beat of your own drum. Que será será.

So what do you really want out of romance? Clearly, you are interested in HCWWHS’s thighs, but not much else about her. Why are you so emo about her, then? Certainly, she’s smart and hot, per you. Possibly older. Perhaps you feel that being with a hot older chick who can smell horny teenage guy BS a mile away is exactly what you want, actually. Or what you think you want.

Because here’s the deal: You’re obviously an odd duck in this hateful medieval town. You’re too chill for this feud life, too smart to get into needless fights, too young to work (don’t have to), and too old for school (you had private tutors, but that was ages ago). You’re too young to shoulder the responsibilities of an heir, but too old to be kept at home. So what tf do you do? See a play???? Do archery???? Falconry???? Hang out with friends????

As you can see, it’s a little lonely. Your parents are the type to let you do whatever the fuck you want because you’re a ~man now, and you need your ~space. No rules or structure. And despite what pop culture adaptations of your story have told millions, you are actually a smart and fairly mature guy for your age. You love your independence, of course, you won’t ever complain about that. But independence alone does not equate to true freedom.

What you need (but you don’t know you do) is a girl who would, actually, ask things from you. Demand them, even. Someone who is not shy about telling you what she thinks and what she wants. Someone who is open to the idea of love and not be obsessed with either chaste perfection or violence. Someone whom you can relate the struggles of living this isolated, feud-stricken life to. Someone who is mature but closer to your own age. Someone who is about as ambivalent as you are about the status quo.

And then you see this beautiful, mature, sad-looking girl dancing with this random knight. Oh, you think. Oh, indeed.

Juliet’s POV

You are a young teenage girl living in 15th century Italy. Bad news—you’re fucked. So much so it’s honestly too depressing to relate here in its entirety. You yourself know it, very deep down. Some light in this darkness? You are the only daughter to a very rich and noble family. Does that make you better? It should, a little.

For one thing, you are protected from your very violent macho culture’s obsession with killing people with pointy sticks. You are a girl, and you don’t do that. Your only jobs are to learn to read, sew, and marry rich. Your parents are not what you’d call the progressive types. Your relationship with your mother is very formal and awkward; needless to say, she is not the warm, motherly type. That would be your Nurse, who was actually the one to raise you. Your father is fine until you contradict him even slightly. Then he turns red and shouty and blustery, and suddenly you are a saucy girl and his fingers start to itch.

Fortunately for you, you’re a good girl. Not only that, but you are a smart one. From a very early age, you have learned how to survive in this very dysfunctional family. You learn how to say the right things in the right way. You equivocate better than any lawyer. Through trial and error, you become an excellent liar. (Either that or your family is just too dumb to believe you could ever lie to them). But even this sucks, because plot twist: You dislike lying. So much so that most of your “lies” are really just truths cleverly edited into the PR speak your family will accept.

At the same time, though, your Nurse indulges you and has no filter. So you learn a lot from her, especially about sex and men. Perhaps you even listen in on your cousins’ gossip. Also, you’re a 13-year-old with a growing libido. Not that you think you will ever get laid, lol. Your cousins will literally kill any man who tried. Your cousin Tybalt in particular loves a chance to fight. It’s not just your virtue that you need to protect, it’s the poor guy too.

But you are still 13, so when your mother and Nurse start talking about this Count Paris who wants to marry you, your instinct is to shut down entirely. You keep your mouth shut and tell them what they want to hear to appease them. It works—now you can go back to your teen girl life in relative peace.

Except no. You actually do have to meet and most likely dance with Count Paris at your family’s party. Do you want to go? Not particularly, but you are the Heir of Capulet(tm), so refusing is not an option. Do you like dancing? Maybe, but it’s hard to let loose and shake that thang with your family and cousins around. Are you interested in marriage? Nah. Your parents are proof número uno that it is not something to look forward to. Nothing against marriage, but you feel it’s something for the very distant future.

So there you are, inwardly seething inside, perhaps having to dance with Count Paris and other men way older than you, surrounded by your family. At this point, you’re exhausted and want the night to be over already. All you what to do is sulk against the wall next to some torches, looking bored/pissed/depressed. And not dance.

And then you see a beautiful boy leaning against the wall next to some torches, looking bored/pissed/depressed. And not dancing. Oh, you think. Oh, indeed.

In Sum

So yeah. Dramatic necessity aside, R&J being instantly attracted to each other makes sense, actually. They’re both introverted/in a blah mood/reluctant to attend this party, both have ambivalent feelings towards their supposed love interests (Rosaline, Paris), and both just don’t seem to fit into Verona’s feud life as neatly as outward appearances would suggest.

They see what they actually need in each other, which is balance: Juliet has too little freedom and Romeo too much. And considering how much we find out they are alike personally, there is even a sense of recognition in their first meeting. Beyond the “bewitchèd by the charm of looks,” R&J had reasons for them falling in love.

#romeo and juliet #rj meta #r&j meta #not me writing y/n fanfic in the guise of meta #canon-compliant tho #yeah the more i think about it the more it makes sense #there is also the chemistry aspect #shakespeare obviously intended r&j to have chemistry

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mac-cheez · 1 year ago

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My Guide To Surviving The Waynes

This is inspired by an earlier post of mine and will be in an epistolary/Dracula style in the view of said uni student. I hope y'all like it!

Thxs @arrowheadedbitch for proofread and confidence.

Pt. 2 Pt. 3

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Dear Diary,

I'm not a diary person really. I was always told it helps you relax or work through your feelings, but it never seemed worth it...... well not till now. Not till a "normal" morning for me was eating cereal while shouting goes through the house and under threat of death if I finish the milk. This is what's currently happening as I write this on my laptop trying not to spill said cereal. As I listened to another argument between Tim and Damian about something inconsequential (something about galleries robbing banks?), I finally caved and started writing. I figure this could be useful for reference or advice or even study (these bitches are weird as hell). Maybe I should start with how I got here?

I grew up down South. The bible belt was a weird place, but I survived I guess. My parents are loving and as understanding as they can be with their own experiences and opinions. My father is Army so we were lucky to not be on wheels at all times. My only major move was my sophomore year of high school. I decided to apply for the exchange program and was picked due to my fluency in French. I was sent to Paris and, loved it so much I decided to stay. I was able to stay till graduation and still keep in touch with my friends. I know, picture perfect right?

After graduation, I applied to many different Universities and programs hoping for a good criminal justice program to learn in. Forensics was the main interest I was looking for. It just so happened that Gotham University's Forensics and Criminal Justice Facilities just got updated by the Wayne Foundation (probably to deal with the crime problem). I saw that it met all of my criteria and applied not thinking about it. A couple of my picks fell through, but most came back as acceptances. I was about to accept one of my local Universities when I got the Gotham U acceptance letter. It said the usual spiel of "we'd love to have you, blah, blah, blah", I was about to throw it in the pile when I saw one specific detail, "We boast a 95% employment rate of our Science-based graduates."

After some research, I found out that it was true. Most GU grads get hired straight out of school if they have a scientific degree. That paired with the brand new facilities made me reconsider. I talked with my parents, and they agreed that it was likely the best option, but they were concerned about me living in the dorms or an apartment in a place like Gotham. I was about to suggest living in a city nearby and just commuting when my dad asked us to wait for a minute. He made some calls while I talked with my mom about other things concerning the move. When he came back he said he had a friend from work who I could stay with. He told me he had a couple kids my age and plenty of room. It wasn't till I was in the limo with a very nice elderly man on my way to said friend's house that I realized he meant Bruce Fucking Wayne. Once he parked (his name is Alfred btw) I got my luggage out and kinda just stared. He asked to take my bags but I just said no thank you. He hummed and led me to the door. It was quiet when he opened the door which I thought would be normal, but the worry on his face told me otherwise.

Suddenly from the hall, two boys ran by one yelling "MERCY" while the other smaller boy chased him with a sword and........ pink hair? I was concerned, but Alfred seemed more at ease so I tried not to think about it too much. Behind them, a guy came from the same hallway snickering at his phone.

"Master Duke, would you mind filling me in on the situation at hand?" Alfred asked him.

"Oh yeah Alfred, it was hilarious," 'Duke' said laughing, "so Tim put pink dye in the shampoo for Dick and then-," he stopped looking at me. "Uhhhhhhhh, Who's the girl?" He asked.

"A guest of Master Bruce," said Alfred.

"Oh! Oh. Uh, You're not......... ya know..... a guest," he asked.

"No god no I'm not that broke yet," I explained hoping the humor would land.

It seemed to because he immediately brightened and started introducing himself as Duke Thomas, one of Mr. Waynes Wards. I introduced myself and why I was there. It seemed like he was going to ask something when there was a crash and he said he should "make sure no one gets stabbed again".

"Well that was eventful," I said looking towards the hall he exited through.

"I'm sure you'll get used to it," said Afred, worrying me a little. This wasn't an occasional thing?

He started leading me-;skjfbsgdpibzebERROR++vbvnjkm;n;mxcvz;'anrvbA:----

#bruce wayne #tim drake #bat family #damian wayne #dick grayson #dc comics #richard grayson #robin dc #dc batman #alfred pennyworth #duke thomas #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #my posts #My Guide to Surviving the Waynes

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daisyachain · 2 months ago

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Arcane e6-7 (not in order)

Finally. Ekko episode. Pointed and shouted at the record at the start when it showed Ekko instead of Vi. All time is Ekko time.

The preceding episode: Caitlyn finally contributes too little too late

The thing with Viktor’s hivemind shutting down before the Noxians break through is a clever little writing trick that does allow us to still cheer for Ambessa as a scene-chewing villain, ironically she doesn’t cross the line in the same way that Caitlyn does by never being shown touching Zaun herself

Is that Skye herself within the hivemind, or Viktor’s imagined assistant? Stay tuned for more

The gear was Viktor’s motif this episode but I kept seeing it and getting Ekkobaited (clocks have gears too)

Jayce looking horrendous and the best he’s looked all series

Point blank shot seems a little uncalled for!

The small child did WHAT.

Singed and Viktor’s dialogue was fun, two mad scientists having a monologue at each other. I would like to see them more together and hear more from Singed generally. The Glorious Evolution namedrop was forced and yet I was looking forward to it

Ekko living in the utopian future while Jayce eats raw newts feels just and right

Jayce’s maddening survival cycle was well-done, the rock scraping and the wince as he sets his foot against the wall again get to you

The Cloaked Figure has the crutch of Viktor and the shoulder pads of Jayce, sort of want it to be a timelooped version

On the time loop note. I’m cheesed that it’s not Ekko’s solo invention! I want it to be his own mad scientist juryrigged thing. That said, I get that blah blah in his arc his character is meant to be the scientist who brings people together as opposed to the ivory tower idiots, it would be misogynist to exclude Jinx as the only female scientist from the proceedings, and Ekko in the main timeline has been too busy to really bite into his research what with being mayor of treetown and leader of the Zaun freedom fighters

At least he was the one to make the breakthrough

Silco and Vander’s relationship last season was drawn pretty sharply as a parallel to Jinx and Vi’s relationship, but this episode it leans into the sexual tension with it implied to be a version of Jinx and Ekko’s relationship? I do approve of mixing metaphors

I’m timebomb agnostic but I approve of Ekko having a good time so if that’s what you want. Go for it.

Ekko is back in his own clothes! Lovely

Benzo ((‘:

Vi [handshake] Ekko -> what the fuck is your taste in women

Viktor appears last in Jayce’s visions of faces, he and Mel are the clearest-shown

Is Heimerdinger off to the big workshop in the sky???

I’ve been assuming all named champions are immune but I guess we’ll find out

This was an Ekko episode but given that it was meant to show a change of pace for him, didn’t quite scratch that itch. He’s a character shown off best in adversity because he’s got the grit to figure out a way around his problems that contrasts with the other Zaunites. Would like to see a scene with him and Viktor toward the end, as Viktor is the other one who has sought to live in their home rather than forsake it

Still super tone deaf to have Ambessa star as a colonial force, though they’ve got time for a last minute plot twist

#Kelsey liveblogs arcane #arcane spoilers

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redwineconversation · 5 months ago

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Eugenie Le Sommer Contract Extension (May 23, 2024)

Me (jokingly): oh haha Lyon's bonding activity is burying poor innocent souls in the woods. They're actually lovable sociopaths once you get past the whole murder thing haha

Le Sommer (during the interview): I'm not going to give away all our secrets because there are things no other team does and it will always be like that. I'm not going to say why but - but you feel something.

Me:

@Timothee Please come back, I've felt a hole like this never before and never since.

If there's ever a player who truly embodies the concept of "let's sit down, split a bottle of wine, and just talk" it's Le Sommer. This is why I both hate the new "omg let's reach out to an international audience" format Kang has taken for Lyon on the rare occasion she remembers they exist, and why the I feel the old format worked so well. This team was never meant for dumb TikTok's. You really want to know this team? Sit down, pour yourself a glass of wine, and watch them play. Lyon's purest form is when you take their muzzle off and let them be who they are. You don't need to be parked on their social media page to get to know this team. You just need a dodgy stream or a rainy day trip to be like oh, I get it now, I like the taste of blood, too. Stop putting a muzzle on them and let a sociopath be a fucking sociopath.

This interview was done before the Olympics so obviously that discussion is no longer relevant.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms Dept pls pls pls help me pay my AC bill I am dying in this heat wave; Jesus fucking Christ would some of you just go outside, breathe some fresh air and pretend you are capable of being a normal functioning human being; y'all know the speech by now.

Tl:dr version of Le Sommer's interview: monsters recognize monsters

EUGENIE LE SOMMER OLPLAY INTERVIEW

Timothee: Euge[nie], we're really happy to see you today because you have good news for us, it's one of the outstanding questions towards the end of the season: were you going to extend for one more year? And the answer is yes.

Le Sommer: Yes, I'm staying. It's true that it's a question I was asking myself as well, but yeah, happy to continue writing history with Lyon, and happy to stay.

Timothee: You've said before it's quite a long history between you two. Was it important to you to continue being a part of this [club's] history in terms of consistency?

Le Sommer: Yes, but it must be said I needed time to think about it because - because I'm not someone who makes decisions spur of the moment. I needed to really, really think about it, to make the best decision for myself and I think that's what I did. So it took a while but at the same time I'm really happy and I've experienced some good moments this season and I wanted to continue having those.

Timothee: How does it work, when you need to think about it? Is it something rather personal, do you talk about it with others? How does the process work? Is it something you keep to yourself?

Le Sommer: No, I don't really talk about it with those around me. It's something I really keep to myself, I try to think about myself and my team but without really talking to them about it. I have a lot of things to take into consideration. There's what's going on on the field but also what is going on off of it, in your personal life. There's family, there's my husband. There are things I have to consider outside of football which still have an impact on football. Beyond that, you have to weigh the pros and cons to try and make the best decision for myself.

Timothee: And what were the arguments which convinced you this was the right decision?

Le Sommer: Well first of all we're one of the best clubs in Europe, in the world. Lyon is at the top of women's football [but for how much longer if we turn into an academy development club?] It's a really big club and I'm really happy to have played with Lyon and continue playing with Lyon. We've won a lot of titles, obviously that's a factor as well. I feel good here, the team is extraordinary. There's a quality team on the field and off of it as well. The club, everything. It's the whole thing which makes it that I feel good here. My decision wasn't directly related to the club itself because I already know what to expect but it was more a decision I had to think about myself. I know I'm closer to the end [of my career] than to the beginning. So it was also having to make the best decision regarding my career. But in any case of the reasons was that Lyon is a big club and I'm happy to stay for that reason. Beyond that there are obviously other reasons. There was this season as well, playing in the UWCL [final], having high ambitions, those are things I like. And having a talented team like I said on and off the field, having fun on the field even if there are difficult moments at times. But at the end of the day we make it through, we continue to advance and continue winning trophies. That's what matters. And yeah, I'm really happy today.

Timothee: You were talking about the season. It's a season where you showed you're still here, it's not the end for you just yet. You still have something to prove, notably at the start of the season where you were pretty much unstoppable. It's a season where I want to say you showed you still have a lot of things to bring to the team.

Le Sommer: Yes, of course. It's true that I was a little hurt when last season I was criticized, when I heard some things. I don't think some people expected me to be at this level this season. I knew why I was staying with Lyon, I knew I had my qualities, I knew what I could bring to this team. So I never doubted in myself. But it's true I heard a fair amount of things from the sidelines. Now it must be said that my season started off well with the World Cup because I think it was the starting point in this 2023-2024 season. And it's true that having done a good season at Lyon, that already confirmed my choice in wanting to stay and wanting to continue writing this story with the club.

Timothee: Your relationship with Lyon goes way back. It started in 2010, is that correct? It must be important to stay somewhere where you feel at home.

Le Sommer: Well yeah, I feel at home here. It's true that after all these years, of course I feel at home. Being at the best club in the world, in Europe, and be at home, I don't think there's anything better. So yeah, I learned a lot here. It's true that I learnt a lot about myself as a player and as a woman. It's the longest relationship I've had with a club. That counts for something. And I didn't want my last game to have ended with an injury. So there were really a lot of reasons which meant that I couldn't see myself leaving. So yeah. I'm happy to continue [with Lyon]. Of course Lyon is a special club to me, having spent all these years here is extraordinary. I've won a lot of things here, all the trophies in France, we've won eight UWCLs, I hope there will be a ninth. But in any case for me, I'm at the best French club.

Timothee: There's also the aspect of being in a stimulating environment precisely because there are competitive clubs like the English teams, Chelsea, there's Barcelona. Being at a club where you have to defend your place, it pushes you to be at your best.

Le Sommer: Yes, of course. And I've said throughout my career, competition makes you grow, the competition makes you be better. Whether it be on the field, having competition as a player there isn't anything better. It pushes you to give your best and perform as best as possible. And of course the competition with other clubs, it's important as well to be able to ask questions of yourself after each game, after each season in order to continue to improve and to grow, continue winning trophies. You can't rest on your laurels. We saw it in France with PSG who is pushing us to always be better and stay on top. And on a European level for several years now, there are some really good teams who are able to push us to the maximum in order to win the UWCL.

Timothee: We're starting to know what the recipe of success is at Lyon. It's a recipe based on transmission [of knowledge]. It's a transmission - do you think it's important for the club to be able to count on players like yourself who are in a way to keepers of Lyon's mentality, a mentality that's pretty special and which means that year after year, team after team, no matter the changes, no matter the opponents, you remain at the top. It's important to have players like you in the team, no?

Le Sommer: I think so. But beyond that, can I answer it? Not really. I think the future will speak for itself. But in any case I think it's important to have a certain stability but also with players who know how to ask questions of themselves, who try to continue to perform at the top level. It's not about being at the top for the sake of it. When I say I want to continue wanting to be the best and playing those games, it's because I want to stay at the level of performing at your best. I still have objectives. So yeah. The team is special. This club is special. I don't know if that's the recipe to success but in any case it's certain that there is something in this team which gets passed on from recruit to recruit you could say. It's something which was embedded before I came and it's something which I continued to pass on, to share. I think there's a lot of good intentions within the team but at the same time we're not nice for the sake of it. It's just that we know where we want to go, we know what we need to do and everyone is focused on the same goal. But there's a lot of due diligence, there's a lot of hard work because you might think it's easy because when you look at all the titles we've won you're like "how hard can this be?" But each season you have to go back and question yourself. There were some really difficult games, there were some very complicated wins. But the only thing that matters in the end is lifting the trophy. Today we remember the trophies and we forget the difficult games we experienced. Well, I don't forget. That's what makes us stronger, it's what makes you look within yourself after a loss, after you fail. You have to know how to bounce back. That's another strength of this team.

Timothee: Beyond your role on the field, do you feel a responsibility to pass on what you have learnt to the younger players?

Le Sommer: Yes, it's important because I know it matters. It's something which matters in terms of performance on the field. You can't just tell a player - we saw it, putting the best 11 players on the field doesn't mean you will win. You have to build on other things. There's something in place here and we have to keep building on it. Of course I try to bring something to it as well but just like everybody, even the recruits. Everyone has something to bring to this team be it the oldest [player] or the youngest or the one who has been at the club the longest or the newest at the club. So we try to do it so everyone has their place on the team both on the field and in the locker room. That's important.

Timothee: It dates back a bit but who took you under their wing when you came to the club? Some may be in the staff today [Bompastor and Abily at the time]. But how was it when you were the young new player? Which Lyon player took you under their wing and taught you about Lyon's DNA and winning mentality?

Le Sommer: It's true that when I arrived I was really impressed because I was coming into the best French team made up of entirely international players. So there was a lot of investment and they were really experienced. But at the same time I was really welcomed. Of course I was the new young player who had just arrived but the players and pretty much the entire team really made me feel welcomed. It's maybe because of that that I want to do the same thing today because I want to copy what helped me in my career. But I think that was part of Lyon's identity before. But yeah, the players really made me feel welcomed, they helped me integrate the team even better, they gave me advice. When you talk about Lyon's forwards, it's true that all the forwards I've played with, they've all helped me in some way. Some of them was just by talking with me, giving me advice, some were when I was watching them play or when I was watching them during practice. I learned a lot from that. So that transfer of knowledge is important as well because that's what gives a team strength. I'm not going to give away all our secrets because there are things no other team does and it will always be like that. I'm not going to say why but - but you feel something. You can't see it, you can't reach out and touch it. You can't - experience is a part of it. There are other things, like in the way the team lives, the way the locker room works, the way it works on the field. Those are things you also feel. But you can't reach out and touch it.

Timothee: You said you had objectives. What are they? There's not a lot left for you to accomplish.

Le Sommer: [laughs] To always win. Always win. And - you know, I almost don't understand the question "Aren't you tired of winning?" or "You've won everything, what still motivates you?" It's winning. That's it. When you're here [at Lyon], you just want to win, really. That's the mentality of the whole team. So you don't even have to question it, it's normal. I even saw it when I was injured. I only wanted one thing and that's to be back on the pitch, to be play the big games. Those big games, it's so hard to watch them on television or from the stands. I want to play them. So it confirms to my decision to stay at Lyon and play at the highest level.

Timothee: Is there a form of satisfaction to know that despite the changes, like the transfer of power between Jean-Michel Aulas and Michele Kang, just watching the club evolve, is that one of the factors? Like when you saw the staff get bigger, like when you saw all the changes due to Michele Kang becoming the owner, did that play a factor in your decision?

Le Sommer: Yeah, of course it matters. It matters. The fact that the club stays at the top, be it in France or Europe [Ed: not gonna happen with this recruiting class!!!] Well, I hope. And obviously it was a factor because I want to be a part of a project where you have the means to obtain the objectives. We want to be the best in every aspect [Ed: so why the fuck are we putting an emphasis on giving academy players playing time???] That's something I liked. It's true that Michele [Kang] has a really good project with a lot of ambition. It falls in line with what Jean-Michel Aulas had put in place. And actually the transition was pretty smooth. You can say we took it in stride and that we want to continue with her without forgetting the past, of course. The past matters. We don't forget. We know. That's also something we try to pass on. Michele didn't come in and start from scratch. It's something that it is built on, and I'm really happy to continue playing in a club where I guess you're looking forward and not towards what you have accomplished in the past.

Timothee: Another point of satisfaction when it comes to you, and that's seeing you in a French jersey again. We got to follow you all season with the French National Team. It's coming up quickly and Lyon fans are hoping to see you in the Olympics. What are you approaching that hurdle?

Le Sommer: It's something that is both at the forefront and also at the back of my mind. But in any case it's one of my objectives. From the moment my season was over with the club regarding the injury, my first thought was about the Olympics. I told myself I needed to get ready and that I needed to try to do everything to be there. So today my rehab is being done with regards to that. So I hope we manage to take each step at a time with regards to that goal. I mainly hope that I am ready. But of course it's an important competition for me and the French jersey is important to me. So I hope I get to play in thee Olympics. In any case I'm giving myself every chance. And also it's here. There are two games in Lyon. So the fans could come and support us with France like they did against Germany in the League of Nations.

Timothee: Do you think it has had a big impact on your career, returning to the French National Team, being called back? From the outside we got the impression it gave you a second wind. Well maybe not a second wind, but that it - you became the player you used to be. We got the impression you were whole again, that it was really important for you.

Le Sommer: Yes, of course, and I've always said that. It was a difficult time for me, not being selected for the French National Team. Not only that, it wasn't just not being called up, it was not being called up and not even being considered. So for me it was difficult because of those two reasons. I thought it was unfair and also it happened from one day to the next. With everything I had done for that [French National] team, I didn't really understand the reasoning. And I was performing well with the club when I was left off and not being called up. [Le Sommer sighs] So it was a difficult period, and maybe when I was called back again, it gave me a boost. That being said the French National Team also puts a spotlight on us, so obviously I was a bit more in the shadows when I wasn't being called up. When I went to the NWSL people forgot about me for a bit. So I don't want to think about what if I hadn't come back, etc. But in any case I'm really happy to have been called back and that it went well, because I could have been called back and two games later it's done and dusted, one call-up and then I'm home and that's it. So I was able to seize the opportunity, I think. But I also needed to show strength of character, that I still had the level because I spent two years without playing any international games. So experience matters, too. So when you talk about experience, I think that was a factor. That I had played a lot of games in the past really helped me when I came back and perform better. Then I really gave myself every means to stay [in the team], I gave it my all. And I know what it's like to not wear the national jersey so yeah, I wanted to continue wearing it. But to do that you have to play well. So that's what I tried to do be it with the club or with the national team.

Timothee: You talked about experience. Sometimes that word is a little abstract. Sometimes it's a little bit difficult to really understand everything that it comes with. And sometimes there are moments when it's really concrete, you can almost see it on the pitch. I feel like that's what we saw this season, that this Lyon team just knew what to do to win, even when it was complicated, even when there this player or that player wasn't there, there was still that capacity to show up in big games, that continuity in winning. Is that not what experience really is in the end?

Le Sommer: Yeah, to an extent. When you say that, I think back to some seasons where we had major players out injured [2020-2021; 2022-2023]. We still had to go out and win titles. It's not the case in every club. We don't hide behind injuries or players who aren't there. We know that when you're able to play and you're wearing Lyon's jersey, you owe it to yourself to play your best and to win. There's something about this team that makes you do that. And we saw it as well this season, we had Wendie [Renard] out injured and that was a big loss, but the team had to pull itself together and play without Wendie. And I think that's one of our strengths at Lyon. We don't rely just on one player. The team is bigger than one player, than each individual. Now of course if you're really good individually you're going to help the team but the most important thing is always the team. The team is the pillar. The players come after that.

Timothee: So what can we wish for you [personally]?

Le Sommer: To come back well. For rehab to go well. Those are one of my objectives. I'm really focused on that right now because I know it's important. And of course to play in the Olympics. We'll catch up next season on the pitch.

#all good love stories start in the rain #eugenie le sommer #monsters recognize monsters #I hate Lyon's international branding so fucking much

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nicole-from-co09 · 10 months ago

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I'm sorry. I was being a weirdo like a week ago. Honestly, I miss you. I really do. You're someone who did hurt me, but you're so much more than that. You're smart, you're witty, you're charismatic, you're confident, and you aren't afraid of anything.

Sometimes, you're even kind, and that's the best. I feel like I should get your boundaries and know that it isn't gonna happen. I don't think you really want a partner, not really. I think you want a friend who you can sleep with if you want. That's not a bad thing! A lot of people want that, and that's okay. I shouldn't have tried it with you.

It's just that you're not the dangerous, edgy self-destructive force that I kinda fetishized you as, and I shouldn't've insulted and degraded you by putting you into that box. I know it's been hard for you. I know you've dealt with a lot of real fucked-up shit.

I shouldn't have been part of that. I think I just need to find someone else, and I think maybe you should go somewhere where people treat you with the respect you deserve when you graduate. I don't know if that's UCLA or UConn or LSU or friggin' Rome.

I'm not mad that you hurt me. How were you supposed to avoid hurting me? When someone's been wronged like you've been, it's hard for that person to not wrong others here and there. That's not because that person's evil, but because they view how other people have mistreated them and assume that's normal.

I'm also really, deeply sorry for my role in our bad relationship. I hurt you too. I didn't fuck with you the way you messed with me, but I may as well have chained you up and forced you to play a role that wasn't you and that you never wanted.

Remember how I said that girls made me wanna kill myself? I thought I just meant it like I felt so wronged and unsafe that I had to date guys, and I meant it like that, but honestly I don't think it's true anymore. I thought girls made me want to, because you made me want to, but that wasn't it. After you, I finally had the first moments of love in my life and I lost them. Every girl I look at seems so much better than me, so much more moral and pretty and strong. How does a possessive, manipulative dick like me compare to girls like you, Emily, Jecka, Karen, and Kelly? I wish I could be like you. I wish I could have been hot and shit, and powerful and likable and normal and funny and witty and smart and strong as hell. You've survived so much.

What am I?

I guess I'm somene who needs to get better.

I'm sorry that the world doesn't understand that you're a diamond, and I feel like I should never have been one of your many goddamn abusers.

Nicole, you can respond to this with a hot girl "nah, I don't care, I'm cool" thing. In fact, I kinda expect you to, and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I guess then you'd be the cool chick dismissing the emo gay girl, right? You could make a cutting joke or something, and it'd be funny.

That's a good lesson, and one I think you taught me: Honesty gets you screwed over. Nobody really likes being honest. They just don't want to feel like they're being lied to.

If you ever write a book, I'll read it. Like I said, you're smart.

Keep on shining like a beacon of willpower in this shitty fucking universe.

I'm sorry I was one of the people who gave you problems,

Ari

see, this is exactly what i was talking about - who the FUCK wants to listen to all of this? ten million words of "blah blah blah i'm so sorry you're so hot" like you're a fucking virgin or something, which i know you're not

ari, if you're reading this, i didn't read a single word of your three hundred page letter. if your stupid fucking essay lasts longer than you do in bed, that's like a serious character issue called "being a boring fucking bitch" - and maybe you should deal with that before ever speaking to me again, thanks

fuck, i'm way too high to be dealing with this shit

#class of 09 #co09 #rp ask blog

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vilf-lover · 2 years ago

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WRITE IT WRITE IT WRITE IT‼️‼️‼️ (the thing ab ash seeing sam and darlin basically fukcing in tje club)

love this unprompted request i definitely wasn’t waiting to be asked to write

be generous im really fucking tired

love you angel @daveys-angel01 <3

ash

darlin

12:46pm

darlin’s phone buzzed underneath on the bedside table, they ignored it because based on the buzz pattern, it was ash.

they were grateful he texted the most out of the pack; which meant that they could ignore him.

they could ignore him…until their phone was damn near buzzing off the table.

*5 new messages from Ketchum🌈⚡️*

Heyyyy

Darlin’

Plz answer mee

I know you have your phone

And I know you didn’t have plans today

they caved.

Yes, Asher Talbot, what could you possibly want this early

early? that means you must have had a nice night. i knew it!

a cackle ensued after he had practically yelled at his phone

What the fuck are you on about?

Milo and I were talking

David said he wasn’t because he didn’t want to “infringe upon the privacy” of you

blah blah blah

he’s so boring

asher could not

1. talk about one subject without going on tangents with unnecessary details

2. just send one long text like a normal person

Anyway, when you left the club

I said it was because you were getting freeeekayyy 😼😼

ash and his mate were the only ones who understood his texting humor…or any of his humor really

Milo said you weren’t, it was just to get space. It’s obvious who’s your best friend, the one who knows you the best (pssst it’s me)

Can you tell me there was a reason for texting me other than this delightful conversation in which you tell me how you’re betting over what my mate and i are doing

Ohhh yeah

wanna come over? maybe even play minecraft

We both know i don’t play minecraft.

well can you still come over? pretty pleeeeeasee

babe had to go back to work and i’m bored

😪😢😩😞😭

Oh my god. fine

they pulled up to his house

after playing for a good hour, the club was brought up

I miss going partying, college used to be so fun, plus i forgot how great of a dancer you are

Oh please. I mean, I wasn’t allowed to go out when i was with Quinn so this was a dramatic shift.

Even Sam got into it! I thought he wasn’t a dancer. “I don’t feel like stumbling all over like a hog straight out of the muck” or whatever he said when we were walking in

he did the godawful southern (if you could even call it that) accent that he just loved showing off

Darlin slapped him while they both chuckled

I personally think he was focused on a different kind of dancing but that’s just m-

ASHER.

HEY LOOK! i’m just saying if you don’t want me to bring up how you were basically fucking on the dance floor until you “inconspicuously” leave…maybe don’t do it i don’t knowww

the text to david “we’re leaving, nothings wrong” is a bit vague but come on

why are you reading the texts he receives?

he asked me to read it while he danced, or maybe i was looking over his shoulder wondering if i could get an answer because i saw you two walking out- the world may never know

a few more whacks were laid upon asher’s arm

i’ll give it to you, you save a lot of horses considering you ride that cowboy all the time, starting to think it’s just becoming a tradition between the three of us, you practically jumping on sam while i’m an unknowing bystander except this time it was the rest of the club too

and thank you

it’s not good, but it’s alright and i’ll probably make something else once i’m not tired

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #kenza loves kowboys #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted asher #kenza’s kreations

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0xo · 1 year ago

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tw abuse & transmisogyny tho

it is kind of nuts that on the flipside of having incredible trans relationships, i've also been treated like dirt by former partners who happened to be transfem, and it like... sucks. hard. to feel a little bit unable to talk about how they treated me for fear of people interpreting that as me not loving or respecting trans women.

like. idk. especially one ex in particular. having my life threatened and being emotionally/physically/financially abused really really really sucked. especially because i loved her a lot and still really, really care about her. it took literally years for me to tell the full story to our mutual close friends because. i didn't want them to cut her out of our community. like "exile abusers" blah blah blah but she NEEDED friends and support, she was also going through a hard time, the last thing she needed was for every local friend she had to drop her or talk shit about her. even if she did really really mean things to me. i still want her to be happy.

it was hard telling k about what actually happened because he was so mad, not at me but at her, asked why i didn't tell the whole story sooner, all that. and all i could say was that i was afraid she would get more hurt. i didn't want her to be isolated. and i asked him, if you knew what she'd done, would you have been so nice that day when she showed up and scared the hell out of me? and he said no, i would've understood why you were so scared, i would've told her to leave. and i said EXACTLY, she wasn't in a state to leave, she needed a soft place to land. even if it meant she broke a promise to me. don't you get it? i didn't want her to end up dead. i still had an obligation to her to try and keep her safe.

i don't know. like. there is no such thing as a perfect abuse victim and you don't have to forgive your abuser or try to make things easier for them or protect their reputation from the truth of what they did. i just. couldn't let it all blow up immediately, right? i could only tell the truth after she was in another place, a better mental state, with more support that wasn't connected to here or our mutual friends.

and it's weird because we're still kind of friends, sort of. and i still care a lot about her. she has so so so many good traits, she's talented and beautiful and smart, and. i didn't want the way she treated me to get in the way of her recovering and having a good life. i want to believe it was all a really really big mistake, that she didn't mean it, that it was just the drugs and the sobriety attempts talking. and pushing and threatening. like yes take responsibility for how you act but also, maybe, that wasn't really her. maybe she's really actually a great person and we were just in a really difficult situation. i know that's not realistic but god i hope maybe she didn't mean it.

idk. abuse makes you feel absolutely insane sometimes. five years later im still grappling with that. the gender layers just make it more complicated because i never wanted to be that asshole who ruins the life of a trans woman over petty stuff. but it. wasn't petty stuff, and i know that and i have witnesses, it was genuinely bad. and i still couldn't/can't bring myself to write her off as a terrible person. because i really and truly don't think she is one. i believe she's changed and i believe she's better and i believe she's got the potential to do amazing things.

and i'm not looking for brownie points by saying all this, i'm not trying to paint myself as a saint for the act of still treating her like a human. i was never perfect. and i don't want to hold it over her head, okay? that's not what this is about. i am not a wonderful person for trying to forgive her. i am just trying to minimize the damage for both of us.

i'm just. still processing. and i think the way i had to handle it kind of complicates things. i've had people accuse me of "protecting abusers" because i don't really publicly talk much about what she did, i don't "warn" people about her. but. it's not necessarily anyone's business? they're not entitled to know the details of one of the worst periods of my life just so they can get some sick glee out of regurgitating it, using it as a reason to alienate her... using my pain as social currency. it's not their business. especially if she's changed her behavior? she doesn't treat her wife like she treated me, thank god. and if i'd gone out to crucify her... i don't think she would've gotten better. she may have hurt me but i don't want to hurt her in return. she doesn't deserve that. i didn't deserve cruelty from her and she doesn't deserve cruelty from me.

i'm not looking for validation that i've done the "right thing." i'm not sure there is a "right thing" to do coming out of all that. i just need to talk about it a little bit. because maybe other people who've survived shit situations need to hear that it's okay to have complicated feelings.

but her changing for the better doesn't. erase. what happened or how it affected me. the flashbacks and nightmares and general fear and anxiety. the added layer onto my pre-existing ptsd. it's difficult to process and talk about. it's affected the way i relate to people and my ability to trust. (i'm forever grateful that my current girlfriend saw what was happening and stepped in to protect me... sometimes i only really feel safe when i'm with her, because i know she's not going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. i can actually relax when she's around. she's safe.)

and idk, i guess the thing is, i could've let that experience turn me bitter towards trans women. i could've blasted my ex publicly and tried to ruin her life, and i probably could've succeeded at it. but. i never wanted that. i needed to be away from her, and she shouldn't have done those things, but i was never willing to turn it into a witch hunt. and it was a trans woman who came to protect me when i thought i was going to be murdered! it was my trans fem partners that helped me get out and get safe. i owe them my life. they didn't have to help me but they did.

so it's confusing to me that some people are so transmisogynistic because... what, a trans woman was a little rude to you on the internet? she called you out on your transmisogyny??? you feel personally emotionally attacked or some shit?

like. please get real. you're just hateful. not to be like "oh i got over a horrible experience so you should shut up," but. i lived through hell, i was abused by a trans woman, and i still don't have a nasty attitude about trans women in general. so i think some of you should shut the fuck up. trans women have every right to be angry and snarky when you treat them like shit!!!

i think it's just. difficult. to watch people act like fuckheads. i deeply, deeply love and respect the trans women in my life - including the ones who hurt me. and some of these assholes are throwing hissy fits about jokes and well-deserved criticisms of how they treat/talk about trans women. like. just admit you don't like trans women specifically. don't pretend you're being attacked. i know what being attacked is and, i gotta say, it's NOT that!

wishing people would view other people, especially trans women, as Real Actual Humans and not just a collection of their worst moments. it's so dehumanizing and so blatant and i'm sick of it

#long long long ramble under the readmore. sorry!!!

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bluephoenixblog · 2 months ago

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Notable Shows of 2024

Not a top ten. Not all came out this year Just things I consumed this year. (No spoilers, or I don’t think I do, if there are any they’re very loose. )

Arcane S2 Netflix

Let me say the first season was amazing! You should go watch it you don't need to have played League of Legends before hand. This season had good Music, Animation and Voice Acting but I’m not sure I agree with all of the story beats and script writing. I think it’s best to tell you to watch the first season, if you like it watch this one but don’t be disappointed when it’s not as good. Its fine but its not Amazing as the first season and it feels a bit disjointed.

I am excited that there are projects in the works to do more for the LOL series but in different areas of Runeterra with different characters. I just hope when it comes to ending different stories and chapters, they go about a bit more put together and not feeling rushed.

The Penguin HBOMax

Oh my god, I haven’t liked anything from the DC universe in a while. This felt more like the old thriller comics of batman that don’t need a big flashy movie to tell a good descent story, now there is not really anything besides characters and Gotham connection to batman that I can remember or seen. But that’s the beauty of a good show doing a villain story that if you do it right you don’t need to be reminded about the origins of the content aka batman. I also like the connections and easter eggs to some comics people probably haven’t read.

The main one being Batman: Dark Victory Written by Jeph Loeb. Go read it, it’s a good batman comic in general.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith Prime

As a fan of the old Movie, I was happy that this Prime show took a more light hearted, serious rout to the story. This story isn’t just funny to be funny but the comedy dose help for when the heavier scenes happen it’s not just leaving you feeling depressed. Maya Erskine as Jane Smith and Donald Glover as John Smith work off each other really well. Not just in the comedy of the show but the story and drama of them being agents.

I also find this as one of the few shows where it’s okay if we don’t get another season or if we do we get a new set of Smiths.

It’s funny because from Amazon Prime I could have talked about Fallout, Invincible, Hazbin Hotel, The Boys (and all there spin offs) and many more. But I felt everyone knows those are good shows, I felt Mr. & Mrs. Smith was a prime series that wasn’t talked about much but to me was still a great watch.

Amazon Prime has been killing it and bring forth good content.

Bluey Disney +

Okay, if your older than 20 your probably have three opinions of this show, hate it, love it, can take, or leave it while you have other things in your life to worry about.

Me I will say this about any younger media, I have to deal with a lot of stressful things and its tiering, so I enjoy a show where really its meant for kids but it has fun. Sometimes even adults need fun. Bluey is fun. Not just the main characters bluey and bingo but also their parents and the world around them.

I think it is one of those things where I like something before it was popular, but I’m glad it became so widely known. So, I say if it’s something that makes you smile and less stressed then just watch it.

Also Bluey's Last name is Heeler...get it because Bluey is an Australian Blue Heeler dog...I just found that out to day >>

The Simpsons Disney+ / Hulu

This season has been good. Not much needs be said but if you like the Simpsons but felt like it’s been meh or blah then try this current season. That’s all I can really say. The writings been good.

Tracker s2 CBS/ paramount+

I was a big fan of “this is us” so when I saw, Justin Hartley's name as the main character. Then I watched it…Okay I hated the first three episodes of season one, it took me coming back to it giving it another try. To even like it as much as I do and that reason is mostly due to Jensen Ackles playing the main characters brother.

Now, Ill day this, if these two were the main of the show and it had a bit more likeable background charters and the story of the people they are tracking down was more consistently good then I think this would be a top tier shop. So, when its good it’s really good but there are even in season two some episodes, I’m falling asleep to or wondering why I’m watching it.

But hay this tells me if Justin Hartley and Jensen Ackles do any shows together it will be good and they can bounce off of each other well.

Also, as I’m writing this I just saw that it’s one of the top shows for primetime tv in 2024 so that tells me it has an audience and I’m glad I gave it another try.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I haven’t watched a lot of shows lately, hell I thought about doing a movie list and I couldn’t come up with more than four I watched so I scraped that. I think with me, I like reading and videos games allot more but this year was a very stressful year where I actually didn’t have a lot of time to just enjoy a lot of things. But with that said I think what I listened to above is good. My family and friends have recommended; Ghosts (both the uk and us version), Matlock, Yellowjackets, Dandadan (anime) and X-Men 97 (cartoon). Maybe I’ll have time to get through half of these.

Bye for now thank you for reading, hope my Grammar wasn't too bad this was first draft and I don’t think it’s so serious that I need to comb throw this a thousand times.

Happy New Years

#tv shows #tv series #my thougts #end of year #artwork

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ruminate88 · 1 year ago

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I’ve Neglected To Post This

I feel like one of the reasons I’ve neglected to write this part is not wanting to admit to myself or anyone that I knew all alone, and also not wanting to admit that I googled Andrew years after we broke up and found some crazy evidence that I needed to find but I didn’t want to find……

it’s like I knew the signs, and my gut knew all along that something was wrong with my relationship with Andrew but I feel like I was such in a mentally unstable place and desperate for his attention and the romance he gave me was so great, but it was so fake and I just didn’t want to accept that. I wanted to believe the lies he was feeding me.

Before we actually started a “relationship” we had been spending a summer together off and on obviously he was feeding me breadcrumbs but I never heard of such a thing. I knew nothing about “breadcrumbing” I just felt like he was busy working and when he wasn’t working, he sometimes was flirting with me 😝 So I wouldn’t ever text him unless he texted me first!! (But also sometimes he would read my text and not respond for hours 😒) there was days I felt he really had a crush on me and other days I wondered was he just looking for booty 😳😳😳

one night I remember I had a dream and in the dream we are on this playground that I’ve never been to before never saw it and we’re on this playground hanging out talking obviously the feelings for me are getting strong at this point and I’m just really feeling like I like him A LOT and I want to pursue him but as I look on the playground equipment there was a nasty tarantula and although that part bothered me, it also to me, felt like it represented my female sexual side and the fact that Andrew and I had done so much flirting…… When I woke up of course he was there wishing me good morning and I told him I dreamt about him and how nice it was (I left out the spider part obviously) and I remember us flirting so much that morning 😆 he said he liked that I had dreamed about him … blah

so years later after we’re broken up and I moved on and I’m married then Covid happened and I wondered how my exes were doing if they were OK did they get sick? Did they get the shot? There were so many questions I had and I still felt like I cared about them even though I knew that they hurt me ! I had already googled Cody off and on but I never googled Andrew just because I was scared to and too upset BUT eventually I took the deep breath and the risk and I googled him… cuz I had too strong of feelings still good and bad! A lot of confusion too!!!!!!!

I first googled his phone number to see what’s going on there and I found out he had a new address and I thought “oh ok he moved” and I looked up his new area that he moved to , and there was a picture for that area and oh wow it was the same exact playground I had seen in that dream!!!!!! I recognized it immediately and has chills all over me!! NOW this really weirded me out and it actually made me wonder if it meant I would be back in his life again. Like, was it a dream that was going to come to pass still??? And I started questioning my whole life (cuz I was married ya know)

So I really thought a lot about what it means and realize it probably means that my gut was even telling me in my dream back then that he wasn’t a good guy for me. The fact I saw a spider near him AND the fact he’s moved to the same area I saw in that dream, he clearly wasn’t meant to stay in my life… unless I’m wrong 😳

It just all makes me look so stupid like “how did you not see that, girl?? How were you really that blind??” Truth is, we always believe what we want to!! I wanted to believe Andrew was becoming the love of my life because of the multiple intimate conversations we had and the way he promised me marriage and kids some day. I was planning a baby with him… I would use those apps where you combine your photos and it shows what your kid would look like and ugh 😩 I thought I wanted it so bad. We would send Snapchat’s to each other just smiling all goofy and I thought it was so real!! It wasn’t though and my instincts about him were always 💯 true!! Just had to accept that…. And catch up my head and close off my heart and feelings. 🥺I’ve been trying to use this dream as another reason and reminder for closure. Whenever I want to relapse and unblock his #, I say “oh but he’ll only use you more and cheat and you’ll lose you’re amazing husband and hurt his family” ugh 😣

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tcclsblog · 2 years ago

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Chapter 6: WHWWHHHHHHYYYY?

In Buddhist teachings, short instructions given by your Guru are called “pith” - meaning the essence of something - instructions. This story is about what I viewed as a very simple pith instruction given by Khensur Rinpoche Lama Lhundrup Rigsel (late abbott of Kopan Monastery and one of Singha Rinpoche’s root gurus). I first met Khen Rinpoche at a dinner at a friend’s home. After dinner, we were told we could have a meeting with a Lama. I had no idea what was going on but my spouse was keen so we went to see him. Lama Lhundrup (as he was known then) said, “Do you have any questions?”. I said “No”. My mind was blank, as usual, and not being a Buddhist meant I had no idea what to ask the “monk” who sat in front of us. And then, he said to both of us, “Be Happy”. There was a pause as I considered that – it was said not as a command or a request, but almost like a wish for us. Suddenly my mind was accelerating and considering “what does being happy even mean? After that pause, I replied, “I will try”. He said, “Good, good, have compassion”. Another mind accelerating statement – what does that even mean? Compassion? When I next met Lama Lhundrup several months later, he asked me about work and family and quite frequently he would just say WHY? as I was babbling about all kinds of nonsense that I was experiencing. But in his unique way - a very long “why", something I try to reproduce in the title of this post. One day, Lama Lhundrup very briefly explained that the question “why?” had two sides – "why" in terms of what our motivation is, and "why" in terms of understanding the reason behind things happening. I now carry this little question around with me in my heart to train my mind. WHY - MOTIVATION

Our actions are typically due to worldly concerns. I often struggle to identify whether anything that I did the entire day was truly not for this life and unselfish. Often, even prayers and other “Dharma activity” seem driven by worldly concerns if not first set with a reminder of motivation. And if the motivation is just recited like some formula with no real impact on the mind, is that even a motivation? The question has kept me honest. Why am I REALLY doing something? I often still forget and halfway through a prayer or making offerings, when I finally remember my motivation, I have to restart. There have been countless times when I just recited blah blah blah and then right at the end wondered – what was that for? In my actions, it has been a useful mirror to check myself. WHY – STUFF HAPPENS

This one is more difficult. The right view of Buddhism tells us that we never experience something we had not somehow created the karma for. So when a loved one cheats on you, or disappoints you in some way, or you lose a stack of money to a trusted partner, or you get into an accident through no fault of your own, the difficult question we have to ask ourselves is...why? The answer is the same - the cause had been created (in some life, not necessarily this one), the seed planted and with the right conditions it ripened. Should I complain, blame, or seek revenge? Am I completely “innocent”? The mind training teachings provide a balm to soothe our emotions when faced with these situations but practising this when difficult situations arise is not easy. Should we maintain contact with a friend, relative or someone who has disappointed you? Should we give up on them? Buddhism does not provide easy answers. We have no choice but to work out these answers for ourselves. Fortunately, we have the basis of wisdom and compassion, the help of Gurus and the community of practitioners - both ordained and lay - to help us, together with our prayers and practices. The simple but very effective question – WHY - is easy enough to remember. It is not a long sutra, or a mantra, or a teaching but it is so essential. I must admit, despite writing this, I still forget even something as simple as this in my day-to-day activities. We are mere humans after all. So, we keep trying every day. May we all strive and aspire to become a bodhisattva that Shantideva describes in his “Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life":-

As their bodies are happy due to their merit and

their minds are happy due to their wisdom,

even if they remained in samsara for the sake of others,

why would the compassionate ones ever be upset?

Tenzin

7 Nov 2021

#buddhist temple #buddhist #temple #religious beliefs

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jessource · 3 years ago

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sentence starters: emails i can’t send.

rp sentence starters from sabrina carpenter’s, emails i can’t send. ( part two )

how many things.

“you used a fork once.”

“it turns out forks are fuckin’ everywhere.”

“there’s no hiding from the thought of us.”

“i got ways to find you anywhere.”

“we sat on the roof once.”

“and we talked until the sun came up.

“i wish we stayed just like we were up there.”

“i consider you, i’m not trying to.”

“i can’t help it, it’s a habit.”

“your corner in my mind is well established.”

“i wonder how many things you think about before you get to me.”

“i wonder how many things you wanna do.”

“i feel myself falling further down your priorities.”

“i still make excuses for you constantly.”

“remember when you left once? that never made too much sense to me.”

“it hurt you so bad, hurting me.”

“you really came to me sympathy.”

“am i not even a second thought?”

“i wonder how many things.”

bet u wanna.

“told me i’m your only.”

“it’s all unfolding, babe.”

“slowly, slowly.”

“lies you sold me all saw the light of day.”

“you been wasting time on the other side.”

“if your satisfied, touché.”

“now you say you hate all the empty space.”

“if you could go back you’d stay.”

“didn’t think about it when you let me down.”

“hurts to see me out of your reach.”

“bet you wanna touch me now.”

“it’s cold out there.”

“let me know what you found.”

“bet you wanna love me now.”

“chase me.”

“that’s right, baby.”

“is it feeing all your fears?”

“i bet you wanna.”

“bet you miss me.”

“bet you’re reminiscing.”

“i bet you hate the way that you said goodbye.”

“you still can’t even tell me why.”

“i hate the way you left me dry.”

“i’ll keep that between you and i.”

“oh, touch me now.”

nonsense.

“think i only want one number in my phone.”

“i might change your contact to don’t leave me alone.”

“you said you like my eyes, you like to make ‘em roll.”

“treat me like a queen.”

“i can’t help myself.”

“when you get close to me, baby my tongue goes numb.”

“sounds like bleh, blah, bleh.”

“i don’t want no one else.”

“baby i’m in too deep.”

“here’s a lil song i wrote.”

“it’s about you and me.”

“i’ll be honest.”

“looking at you got me thinkin’ nonsense.”

“cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in.

“when you got your arms around me, oh it feels so good.”

“i think i got an ex but i forgot him.”

“i can’t find my chill, i must have lost it.”

“i don’t even know i’m talking nonsense.”

“i’m talking.”

“i’m talking, i’m talking, i’m talking, all around clock.”

“i’m talking hope nobody knocks.”

“i’m talking opposite of sot.”

“i’m talking wild, wild thoughts.”

“you gotta keep up with me.”

“i caught the L-O-V-E.”

“how do you do this to me?”

“i bet your house is where my other sock is.”

“woke up this morning thought i’d write a pop hit.”

“how quickly can you take your clothes off pop quiz.”

fast times.

“sun’s up too soon.”

“mixed emotions are congregating.”

“sky looks so purple.”

“i can taste it.”

“i call you baby.”

“three stories up here contemplating.”

“what the fuck is patience?”

“these are fast times and fast nights.”

“no time for rewrites.”

“we couldn’t help it.”

“give me a second to forget i ever really meant it.”

“closed eyes and closed blinds.”

“my feelings used to be serrated.”

“tiptoeing past so many stages.”

skinny dipping.

“it’ll be a wednesday.”

“i’ll be going in this coffee shop.”

“and i look up from my phone and think there’s no chance it’s you, but it is.”

“you’ll say, ‘hi’, i’ll say, ‘hi, how are you?’”

“how’s your family? how’s your sister?”

“(name)’s being (name).”

after a minute of nonsensical chatter.”

“well, this was really nice, maybe we should do this on purpose sometime.”

“arguments in your garage.”

“all the ways we sabotaged it.”

“what it was and what it wasn’t.”

“we’ve been swimming on the edge of a cliff.”

“i’m resistant, but going down with the ship.”

“it’d be so nice, right?”

“if we could take it all off and just exist.”

“skinny dip in water under the bridge.”

“you’ll suggest a restaurant we used to go to.”

“won’t that be too nostalgic?”

“maybe, but let’s do it anyway.”

“we won’t sit at our same old table, i promise.”

“we won’t bring up the past, we’ll keep it bureaucratic.”

“and we won’t say it.”

“we’ll be thinking about how different we are from those scared little kids.”

“we’ve been swimming on the edge of a cliff.”

bad for business.

“he’s good for my heart, but he’s bad for business.”

“tears me apart when he grants my wishes.”

“all of my friends think i’ve gone crazy.”

“they don’t know me like my baby.”

“we look good in photographs.”

“i like the way you like to laugh at dirty jokes.”

“used to get to work on time, but now you’re taking up my nights.”

“never been so glad to be so tired.”

“oh, i’m mad for you.”

“it’s sad but true and i know it.”

“you’re on my mind.”

“you stole my life and it’s showin.”

“will anybody sing along?”

“you had to go and break into my head.”

“and i would try to fight these feelings.”

“i can’t find a single reason.”

“i’d make all the same mistakes again.”

“he’s good.”

“it’s bad.”

“the best i’ve ever had.”

“and he’s so nice.”

“it’s sad.”

“he ruined all my plans.”

“he just makes me so crazy.”

“i know everyone sees.”

“he’ll be the death of me.”

decode.

“you’re good at the falling, not the staying there.”

“you’re good at the giving too much then getting scared.”

“you’re good at impersonating someone who cares.”

“you had me for a minute there.”

“now i wonder why.”

“i let your confusion keep me up at night.”

“i’m so tired.”

“re-read every single undertone and i over analysed it.”

“where else can we go?”

“there’s nothing left here to decode.”

“done lookin’ for the signs in the gaps and the silence.”

“it’s just getting cold.”

“there’s a weight off my shoulders now that i don’t chase you.”

“being myself, did that emasculate you?”

“learning from you that i can walk away too.”

“i let your indecision keep me up at night.”

“unpacked every single word you wrote and i over analysed it front back and beside it.”

“there’s nothing.”

#rp prompt #rp sentence starters #rp starters #rp memes #rp meme #rp prompts #rp sentences #sentence starters #sabrina carpenter memes #memes #prompts #lyric prompts #lyric sentence starters #long post /#mymemes.#*

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folkloreguk · 3 years ago

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French Class [6]

A/N: You guys might want to whack out your love song playlist for this one…I cried writing this BYE I'm posting this from my grave!!

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fwb, f2l?, college!au, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader, ANGST, smut

words: ~ 3.8 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez, @runaway-fics, @mainexiii, @awfullytiredbuthealing, @erikyoong, @etherealuv, @staysuki, @justcuz-ican, @yeostars, @hyuckthangs, @teenloves, @mexious18-blog, @sunghoonied, @mailobjaeyoon

couldn’t tag: @chorizoek

You: can I come over? I kind of need u

H/N: you need me huh…you’re lucky I’m home alone

It always starts differently. Some other question, or a subtle message of telling him you’re bored, or a flat-out confession of being horny. The ending is always the same. You, naked in his bed. You just had to get there, and things were easy when you were already on his dorm’s doorstep.

The moment he had opened the door, you had fistfuls of his hair between your fingers and attacked his mouth in a feverish kiss. He made a noise between a laugh and surprise but reacted quickly. His lips parted right away, letting you in, and you tasted mint from the chewing gum he liked so much.

“Let me- at least- close the door,” he mumbled. “Jeez, what’s gotten into you today?”

You stepped aside and mirrored his grin. He was acting surprised, but the way he instantly locked your lips after he had shut the door told you he was enjoying this as much as you were. You ran your hands down his torso and along the side of his thighs. His happy hum only poured oil into the fire, and you saw no reason as to why you should have kept your clothes on any longer. In minutes, in the middle of heated kisses and clumsy chuckles, your clothes were discarded, and you were left in your underwear. You stumbled into his bedroom in a tangle of arms and legs and heads barely pulling apart.

“Will you tell me about the date you had today or are we skipping over that part?” he asked, as he pushed you down by the shoulders onto his bed. You groaned a little, not even knowing where to start.

“Didn’t go well, huh?” he asked. Only a few nights ago you had consoled him after his failed date, now the roles were reversed.

“That’s one way to put it,” you said. He was climbing on top of you now, and the weight of him between your thighs still did the same things to you it had done the first time. There was one of his random playlists playing quietly from the speakers, but you were both too occupied to even consider switching the music off. You weren’t in the mood for a chat, not when he was biting and sucking bruises into your chest, pushing aside your bra just enough. But you knew he wasn’t going to let it go this easily.

“Tell me about it or I won’t take one more piece of clothing off your body,” he threatened. You shot him an are-you-serious-look while he only blinked at you innocently, like he was awaiting your response.

“Fine,” you groaned. “But hurry, now.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, before unclasping your bra and throwing it to the other side of the room. “Go ahead, I expect a story.”

You had rolled your eyes at him, but when he sucked on your nipple all of a sudden, and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bud ever so perfectly, your eyes moved to the back of your head involuntarily. And, before he could complain, you started to retell today’s events.

“Alright. First of all, he acted all gentleman-y. Pulling back my chair at the restaurant, letting me have a look at the menu first, letting me order first, asking me if I was okay with our seats because they were in the sunshine, or whether he should have requested we get a different in the shade table, blah, blah, blah.”

With the lewd noises he was making, kissing your chest and fumbling with your breasts, you almost wondered whether he was paying attention to you at all.

“I’m waiting for the plot twist,” he chuckled. “If he had been this great, you wouldn’t be in my bed right now, would you?” He was now on his way to your lower regions. Your breaths came out shaky when he gripped your hips with familiar fingertips and placed a few kisses there, right above the material of your underwear. Nonetheless, you had to continue your story.

“Oh, it’s coming,” you said. “Because I suspect, the only reason he was acting that way was to compensate. For the fact that he was an hour late.”

He stifled a laugh, and you slapped his head playfully. “It’s not funny! I stood outside that restaurant on a busy street like an idiot for an hour. During exam season!”

“I wonder, if studying is so special to you- ,” he said. He tugged on your underwear, and you barely cared about his words when you were already imagining his mouth on your pussy. “Why aren’t you at home right now, doing just that?”

“Too frustrated,” you groaned, spreading your legs, practically inviting him in. “You don’t get it. That was only the beginning of the date. It gets worse.”

“Oh, damn,” he laughed, and you were going to slap him again. Harder, this time. But his tongue kitten-licked over your clit and you didn’t dare interrupt him further.

“First of all, he turned out to be boring. An economics major. And look, I’m not generalizing, I’ve met some cool economics majors. But when I said I never really understood the whole thing with inflation and deflation, I wasn’t asking for him to explain it to me. I know what it means, I just meant to say money is the root of all evil,” you said, little moans slipping inbetween your sentences. He laughed whilst sipping on your clit. You couldn’t be mad at his laughing anymore. In fact, at the sound of his chuckles, your own lips curled into a smile, too. God, he was so good with his tongue.

“But turns out he loved money. Like it was the sole reason he was doing anything. When he showed me his gold watch I almost yawned,” you continued.

“Dating a rich guy can have its upsides too, though,” he said, but you knew he was joking. He was running the tips of his fingers over your core, and you whimpered at how badly you wanted him to put them inside of you. You loved watching him, loved feeling his hair tickle the side of your thighs and having his free hand laying on top of your hipbone. The familiarity of it all, his little habits, made your heart heavy, so full of emotion, all of a sudden. But you had to snap out of it.

“Not this guy. He kept saying these lowkey sexist things I won’t repeat now. It’ll only make me mad again. He was one of those who thought money would buy him a girlfriend. And I was really trying to see the good in him…only there was none,” you said.

“Alright, I’m starting to understand why you needed some cheering up,” he said. “Good thing you’re at the right place. I know just the thing.”

At this, he slid his digits into you. You hummed and dropped your head into the plush pillow. Slowly, you exhaled, happy you finally got to relax after being so upset. But of course, he had to interrupt. Again.

“Did I say you could stop? Was that the end of the story?” he said. How did he expect you to form a coherent sentence? He fingered you gently, but the slowness of it all only drove you crazier. You felt every tiny sensation, every new bit of you he touched.

“No,” you sulked. “Fuck, it feels so good.”

“Go on, then,” he encouraged you, grinning because he was proud of your reaction he had caused.

“Fuck- okay. He was super shitty to the waiter. I’m talking about criticizing everything. This man had the audacity to complain about the food. I’m not a food critic, but I swear the food was amazing, there was nothing to fault at all,” you said, and then whined when he switched from licking your clit to sucking it between his teeth. You knew he was doing this on purpose. To make speaking harder for you.

“Oh my god, H/N. Wait, let me finish this. Not only was he horrible to the waiter in person, but he also made fun of the waiter’s appearance behind his back. And all along he expected me to find him funny. I used to think he had a sense of humor but not after today. Blech.”

“At least you got a free dinner?” he said, and without awaiting your answer, went back to work. Your head was spinning in pleasure, and you could only laugh sarcastically at his suggestion.

“Yeah. And after that train wreck of a date, he really thought he’d get to stick his tongue down my throat,” you said.

“Did he at least ask permission?” asked the boy between your legs.

“Mhm…but I told him I don’t do that on the first date,” you said. “Safe to say there won’t be another date, though.”

He looked up now, laughing more than before. You grinned, mainly because the sight of him was so cute. He folded his hands on your belly and put his face down onto your skin to giggle. In no way could you be upset or urge him to keep giving you head. In fact, you had forgotten about all of that for a while, as he seemed to enjoy your misfortune a little too wildly. You should have been hungry, eager to have the half-naked boy inside of you. Yet, you laughed at the way his breaths tickled your stomach and when he finally made eye contact, it was a wholly different sort of hunger which overcame you. Instead of the heat he usually made you feel, it was a comfortable warmth that was in your chest. It reminded you of a bonfire or of drinking your favorite hot drink on a cool autumn day.

“I want to watch you come,” he said, casually. “Were you close?”

You were so lost in his trustworthy, dreamy eyes, you almost forgot to reply. Quickly, you nodded and hummed.

“I would have already come, had you not pestered me to tell you all the details of my date,” you said. The way his cheeks beamed when he smiled made you feel as if your insides were turning into mush.

“I’m sorry. I’m your friend, aren’t I allowed to ask how your day went?” he asked.

“Of course you are,” you said. The word ‘friend’ echoed off every wall in your head until you wished you could have deleted it from the dictionary.

“I’ll make sure it feels extra good now,” he said, kissing your stomach. You shivered as you watched his gentle lips move lower, to your hips and the insides of your thighs. The touch felt like butterfly wings on your skin, and the tardiness of it made you impatient. When his tongue came in contact with your clit again, you sucked in a breath of surprise.

He tried to start slowly, but then you gripped his hair tightly, and carefully pushed him further. It was something you did often, a way to tell him you wanted more without having to use words. After all this time, he understood perfectly. Your clit was between his lips and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves with just the right amount of pleasure. It felt incredible, creating a funny sensation in the pit of your stomach. His fingers grazed over your slit until you were whimpering and shifting your hips, trying to make him hurry.

One of his digits slid into you easily, curling against your sweet spot, and it hit you only now how much you had missed him between your legs since he had stopped a few minutes ago. It made you feel as though you were suddenly overwhelmed with all of him, but you were willing to let the heat crash over you if it meant you could be close to him.

“Am I making it up to you now?” he asked as he pulled away merely for a breath. “I’ll turn your day into a good one after all.”

In a different tone his words would have sounded like the exact thing one would have expected to hear from a fuckboy in the bedroom. He could have boasted and bragged endlessly about how great he was with his tongue and fingers – he would have been right – but he didn’t mean it like that. You could tell from the uprightness and the authenticity in his voice that he really was doing his best because he wanted to make you feel better and turn your day around. Because you were special to him. Or so you desperately hoped.

Your legs wrapped around his shoulders as if you were trapping him between your thighs. But he was right there, and he would gladly stay for so much longer, and to say it puzzled you was an understatement. The boy who belonged to everybody, who was known by all of the campus, was treating you like you were royalty, and not the other way around. You moaned, his name inevitably falling from your lips. He added another finger and the slightest stretch made you lose your mind for a split second.

“That guy could have never made you feel this good, could he?” he suddenly asked. Your initial response was a helpless whine. You had been so close, and his talking had interrupted the otherworldly bliss for a moment.

“No, never,” you then whimpered shortly. ‘No’ was such a tiny word. It could barely encapsule what you truly meant to say. Which was that it would have never even gotten that far. That other guys couldn’t even have you at all. They didn’t get their turn to try and beat him. Not as of lately, at least. That you didn’t so much as dare to think about sleeping with other guys. That even before you had gone on the date, you had known it wouldn’t lead to anything. No guy could let you develop an interest on him in the same way the boy between your legs had done it. No other would be able to kidnap your brain like that. H/N was always there. Even when it was only you and your sex toys, you would automatically pretend it was him getting you off. You were so far gone that it was embarrassing how long it had taken you to admit it to yourself. But it was a colossal thing to confess to him, and you would never do that. Rejection would hurt a billion times more than whatever it was you two had now.

Your heart was racing as you closed your eyes. You had been so lost in thought, it was wondrous you hadn’t fallen yet. But you were right on the edge, making your breaths come out like puffs and a string of moans and swears sound from your lips. He too had stopped talking, concentrating on the task at hand, and judging by the way your back arched he was doing one hell of a good job.

“Oh my god- “ you whimpered. “I’m so close, H/N.”

This time he didn’t reply, which was for the best. Only a few seconds passed until you started to quiver and whine beneath him. You were going to outer space behind your eyelids as your high rushed through you. Your fingers curled and tightened in his locks while your legs clenched around his head. He was quick to pull your thighs apart again, still not being finished. For long seconds you swam in pleasure, with nothing on your mind but bursting stars. He was heaven, knowing precisely how far he could take it until you were too sensitive to take any more.

When you were at that point, he finally pulled away and looked up at your crumpled form. There was a lazy smile playing in the corner of your lips and your vision was hazy after having had your eyes closed for a while. He climbed up your body until his chest was against yours so he could really look at you.

“I get all of this without ever having been on a single date with you? I’m so lucky,” he said. You only smiled at him, at a loss for words. What were you to say? The two of you were clearly past the awkward dating stage already.

“I’m lucky you let me come over all the time,” you said. “I would have expected the campus fuckboy to be busier. To not have an empty spot in his bed every night.”

“Ah, shut up,” he said. “I’d rather have you here than a girl I don’t know at all. Look, I’m really tired so I don’t know how this will go…but can I?” He was on his knees, a tent visible in his boxers. With a questioning look, he was tugging them down his legs now.

“Of course,” you said. As you watched him roll on a condom, your ears perked up. Did that song have to come on shuffle just now? The coziest, most romantic love song you adored so much? You knew if you looked him in the eyes you’d be done for. But there wasn’t anywhere else to look when he settled between your legs and held up his weight with his forearms. His eyes were deep enough for you to get lost within a second. Distracting yourself was impossible. The one last thing you could do was to reach between the two of you and guide his length into you.

The song’s chorus came on, you looked at him once again, and suddenly you were all his. You didn’t need to tell him so. He thrust gently, almost carefully, like he had never done it with you. Your heart hammered against your ribcage so vivaciously, you wondered whether it had turned autonomous and was now trying to jump out of your body, onto his skin and through it, so it could nestle next to his own heart.

Neither of you spoke. Yet, there had never been so much chemistry, such a heavy amount of uncommunicated emotions between the two of you. You were ready to hang on his every word, should he decide to speak up. In your head rampaged a billion sentiments you needed him to know, but there was no option to express them adequately. Perhaps there were simply no words in the English language to declare your feelings for him.

Small whimpers and moans left your lips only for him to hear. Sometimes he moved a little quicker, gifting you with the most perfect sounds he could make. And to know you were the cause for it sent you into overdrive. His mouth was right above yours. If you lifted your head slightly, you could have kissed his sweet, sweet lips. But you were so afraid. What would he think? You had never kissed him during sex. Not softly, like you wanted it so terribly.

Even worse, you craved so much more than that. You wanted to pull him in, envelope his mouth in your own, crawl over the edge of his lips and reside in his chest for safety. Because that’s what he was. Comfort. Reassurance. Home. How foolish you had been, pretending this little fling would lead to nothing more. You really had told yourself this would work. No feelings. Just fun. You couldn’t deny having fun with him. He was the best company you had ever known, and he had become your most precious friend quickly. It was as if you had only been waiting for the silly, flirty boy to sit across from you in the library and make weak advances towards you.

The love song tuned out slowly, replaced by something more sensual and sinful. In accordance with the new background noise, he gripped your hips a little meaner and went faster. You barely noticed how his breathing had sped up as he was getting closer to his orgasm. A trance had overcome you, transfixing you on his godlike features and how much it hurt to know you couldn’t call him yours. In your head you were made for each other. They always said to date your best friend, didn’t they? You could try to turn back time, go back to your first meeting place, at the party. See if things would turn out different. But you knew they wouldn’t. As much as your fear tried to suppress it – you would take the same path again, stumbling head-first into his arms and letting him into your life like a crashing wave of laughter and heart-crushing conversations.

Now you reflected in despair, how he had taken your heart in a storm, without having to try too hard. And worst of all, you were okay with it. Your heart was secure with him, you thought. The feelings yearned to be spoken out loud, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“You feel so good,” he said. “Always, so fucking good.”

He snapped his hips against yours, burying his cock deep inside of you and all you could muster was a hum of agreement. This is what you got for keeping him at arms-length from the beginning. Wasn’t it you who had challenged him to be friends and only that? Perhaps you would be okay, so long as no one else called him theirs either. You could go on like this, letting him use you for sexual relief and making him laugh when he needed it. Gladly, you would take the pain of not being allowed to love him with your whole being if it meant you could see him whenever you wanted. Exposing those silly emotions would wreck your friendship and you wouldn’t let it happen.

He grunted and only then, when he lowered his head into the crook of your neck and moaned your name, you realized he was reaching his high. Softly, you cradled his head in your hands, as if it was the last time you could hold him like this. When he put his forehead against yours, he had his eyes closed and his chest was moving steadier than before.

“You’re the best,” he whispered. “Stay the night?”

Should you have gone home, and missed him all night? Would you have regretted saying no while you curled up in bed with no Cheshire-cat-grin-boy to hold? Or were you to remain in his bed, and pray you would survive the torture of not speaking your mind? His skin radiated the most wonderful warmth and you wanted to trace his lips with your eyes until you fell asleep. That’s how quickly it was decided.

“Okay,” you answered.

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