#i really like this one i think :3
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@blupjeansweek May 30th: Bones
Note: please be aware this particular piece deals with character death and extended observations on human decomposition
Humidity hangs heavy in the air as the river lazily moseys by. The sky’s marred by a bloated cloud full of discontent. All life in the area seems to have better things to do than bask in the dark, sunless afternoon. Certainly, the lich floating by doesn’t help with their unease.
He’s been growing fonder and fonder of the slow life, living on the edges of civilization. Fewer people interrogating him on what kind of discord he plans to sow. (None. He’s just a lich. Leave him alone). However, he grows weary of seeing only the few hundred feet of the cave he’s taken to calling home. There’s only so long he can study his tomes; his whole life was devoted to the pursuit of knowledge, to becoming an accomplished wizard. The preeminent necromantic scholar. A lich.
What all the writings fail to mention is what you’re meant to do after. He was so consumed by seeing if he could do it that he failed to have a plan for when he did. He supposes he never really expected to succeed. He supposes now he ought to keep testing and honing his power.
He prefers taking walks in the sun-dappled woods.
On days like this, he can almost feel the wind on his skin.
What he can definitely feel is this odd pull downriver. It’s been creeping on him like kudzu all morning; gently at first, but now all encompassing. It’s hard to describe, this pull. The best he can liken it to is how the first tome that held information about becoming a lich felt in his hand. Like whatever it is he discovers at this source will fundamentally change his life.
Preposterous.
But can it really hurt to follow this pull? Not like his calendar is overflowing with appointments.
So he does. For some hours, it feels as though he’s just wandering aimlessly through the woods; maybe that’s what he’s doing, chasing some phantom sensation. But he has to believe that it’s something more than that. He’s got an awful lot staked on the strength of his belief now, might as well test it.
-
He becomes less sure of himself the closer he gets. If he were corporeal, he’s certain his feet wouldn’t let him go any further. There’s some kind of tangible pressure on his chest, as though some unseen force is trying to keep him at bay. The unseen force beckoning him forward is stronger.
And so he continues his pursuit of the unknown.
But as he comes upon a pond that the river feeds into, he’s convinced he was better off ignorant.
Back by the treeline, he sees something at the far end of the pond, floating on the glassy surface. His stomach twists; it looks like a dead swan. Beautiful creatures. He’s not sure that he’s ever seen one this close.
He’s at the edge of the pond when he realizes his mistake. Floating serenely on the pond’s surface is a pallid corpse.
If he doesn’t look too closely, it isn’t a corpse. Could just be a sunbather. But no. No.
He has half a mind to turn back immediately. But that damned force that has been dragging him here all day won’t let him leave that easy.
He can’t leave her there to the elements. Gods only know what kind of creatures lay below the surface, ready to make a meal out of her. He supposes that’s the circle of life, but he can’t be party to that. His mother raised him better than that.
It’s with a great deal of effort that he gets her to shore. Clever spellwork only slightly improves the ordeal; he’s trying to be delicate, as well. No, she can’t feel a bump or scrape now, but shouldn’t we all be given some softness in death?
Maybe becoming a lich has also turned him into a loon. But she’s out of the pond, laying waterlogged on the bank. After a moment’s hesitation, he gathers a handful of orange and blue and pink flowers growing in small clumps near the water and places them around her.
This whole thing feels perverse. He doesn’t know her. He knows nothing about her. But it feels important, not letting her go unacknowledged in death.
So he sits near the bank beside this unknown corpse. He makes several false starts at a speech, but decides that he ought not to.
He sits beside this unknown corpse for so long that time goes a little soupy. He’s not sure where this kind of unflinching duty to sit sentinel at her side has come from, but he’s hardly the type to question.
It’s after a few days that her hair appears to fall out in clumps.
And a few days more when she’s a myriad of colors not unlike the flowers Barry set beside her.
And more days and more days and more days until Barry is no longer sitting next to a pallid corpse or an exquisite garden or decay, but a collection of pale bones.
He’s staring again, he’s certain. The smattering of bones look like inkblots to him. A ladder here, still a damned swan there, a fiddle here still.
Because it’s remarkable how easy it is to go from breastbone to fiddle. Perhaps you’ve never considered.
Barry had certainly never considered that.
There’s a first time for everything, though.
-
There’s something to be said about wanting to remain a student forever. We all like to believe ourselves to be great students of the world, never tiring of learning.
That’s all well and good when learning botany or woodworking or poetry.
Less good when you're a student of death magic.
He likes to think he was normal once, though when you devote all your time to ghastly rituals with ghoulish components, you likely relinquish your right to normalcy.
However normal he was once doesn’t matter, now that he’s staring peculiar in the eye. Rather, the neck. And the body. And other fiddle pieces.
He’s crafted a fiddle from the hair and breastbone and other bones of that poor woman. Which sounds exquisitely bad just saying it outright. But it’s part of the bylaws of lichdom, collecting and creating macabre memorabilia.
He’s certain that this takes the cake and not just for the sheer fact of what it is.
This fiddle he has crafted is cursed.
That’s impolite. Cursed probably isn’t the correct adjective. Barry knows he’s no great violinist, however he doesn’t believe that a lack of skill is the source of his unease regarding the instrument he has created.
This fiddle he has crafted only plays a single song.
He’s tried little lullabies his mother used to sing to him, catchy earworms he’s heard bards perform in taverns, depressing funeral dirges. Nothing sticks. Everything is this dreadful song that sounds like the howling wind and pouring rain.
This fiddle he has crafted sings a mournful song of how she died.
The song is slow and haunting, it tells tale of a man she and her brother traveled with and trusted for over a year. Their trust was misplaced. They all worked odd jobs together. Evidently his plan was to poison them both and escape with all their money and belongings, but his plan didn’t quite work the way he planned.
This fiddle he has crafted was overcome with grief at the loss of her brother.
She did all she could to make him well. To bring him back. And it was all in vain. The traveling companion long gone, she simply wailed and wailed until her heart gave out. Her wail still rides the wind. Her tears fell like rain.
This fiddle he has crafted succumbed to a broken heart.
This fiddle he has crafted has unfinished business.
This fiddle he has crafted will only sing a single song.
-
It takes time to acquire all the necessary components.
Each night, before his facsimile of sleep, Barry plays the fiddle. And each night the fiddle repeats its mournful refrain of the dreadful wind and rain.
And one night, when each and every ritual requirement is met, his fiddle is no more.
On that night, he meets an elf named Lup.
He listens to her story, a reprise of a now familiar tune.
On this night, he makes a promise to her. A promise to help restore her brother.
And it is a promise he intends to keep.
#blupjeans#blupjeans week 2023#blupjeans week#reese writes#barry bluejeans#lup#taz#taz balance#i really like this one i think :3
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Man whose definition of "monster" is extremely flexible.
#my art#baldurs gate 3#bg3#wyll ravengard#shadowheart#astarion ancunin#chessa#owlbear cub#fan art#first real post on this one instead of petitelappin#i drew these a while ago but never cleaned them up properly#i was mostly thinking about this as a concept when i (as wyll) released 7000 vampires into the city sewers and i was like#'we may have at some point stopped fitting the definition of monster hunter huh'#but also u know seeing the gur hunter later vowing to do what he can for his vampire daughters really got to wyll#thematically. im sure. anyway!#but lbr his crowning achievement in my playthrough was monster hunting so bad he ended up in a beautiful romance w his target instead
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and what if they got married. what then
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowlach#shadowheart#karlach#i'm barking and biting them#you know karlach would RUN down the aisle she'd be so excited#next shop restock is going to be exclusively shadowlach prints i don't make the rules i'm sorry#i love women#shart being tiny is so important to me actually#idk why but i really struggled designing a dress for her#i tried to emulate the style of her camp clothes?? i think she'd like one of those panelled corsets
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teased 🎃⚡
#twisted wonderland#twst#ツイステ#ツイステッドワンダーランド#mmarts#twst oc#twst yuu#twst grim#sebek zigvolt#skully j graves#ace trappola#deuce spade#jack howl#epel felmier#ortho shroud#i said i was gonna sketch the last one properly but i didnt cause uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im an idiot#theyre not really datin here theyre just uhh PDA lolololol but the feelings are there like hello#drawing is hard ughguhghughugh#style changed in all 3 images i think lmao#i swear drawin more than 2 characters makes me spiral and get distracted#the last one messy af lol right to left to read maybe ww#sebeskully#sebskully#skullbek#sukasebe#twst bl
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Drew a bunch of Marinettes in a bunch of different artists styles it was a lot of fun!!
Artists who's styles I mimicked: @buggachat @hamsternamedmarinette @ladybeug @sabertoothwalrus and @anna-scribbles all epic artists 🤟😎
#my art#marinette dupain cheng#miraculous ladybug#miraculous fanart#style mimic#sorry for the @s btw#yall should go follow those artists if you dont already also#this was sort of inspired by a post the three artists on the top row made#i think they all got together and drew with one another#which is really cool#but i was genuinely confused because i mimic styles a lot#and ive seen others do it too so i was just like#wow they really know each others styles really well#until i thought about it and read their posts some more#style mimicking is really freaking fun and i think its really good practice#and a good way to explore other ways of doing things#like you really have to learn new techniques and get out of your comfort zone#also anna scribbles i could not find a recent pic of marinette in her main outfit#so thats the only marinette i drew in different clothes cuz i couldnt find a more recent ref of you drawing it#anna scribble marinette has privileges thats the others dont#but ye#i also threw my own style in there as a frame of reference to what me draw like#ive drawn marinette before just not in a loooong while#sabertooth walrus was the hardest for me to mimic cuz they have a broad range in their style#so its like which sabertooth do i wanna be in this pic#Buggachat has such a distinct style thats very clean and consistent which is amazing so they were easy#being easy or hard arent bad things either it also has to do with like styles meeting up with one another#buggachats and mine arent too too different in some shapes and aspects#so yeah itd be easier plus they drew marinette like 3 sec ago so i have more recent of a ref#as opposed to sabertooth who i have a recent ref of ladybug but not marinette so we got two diff styles in one
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basement guys
#hehehee ive been meaning to draw them lol#i have a bunch of comic ideas i wanna get around to but theyre gonna take a while orz#first one is based on a headcanon abt links humming coined by arystocat.. idk i had a really vivid interaction thinking abt it#the other one is longer but basically connecting the zonai are descendants of gods rumor with some zelda canon abt how#hylians have long ears to hear messages frm the gods.. rauru is really hard to draw though so i keep redoing it ugh#im also practicing how to properly draw faces and i think i like how these came out...!!!#i really suck at gettingthe 3/4 face angles right so rn i consider this a win#my art#myart#doodles#loz#legend of zelda#totk#tears of the kingdom#zelda#link#ganondorf#tloz#ok now i sleep
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TW// Abuse implication
Thinking about possible Vox and Angel's interactions and how they'd go down. Theres such a unique mix of hatred to each other and common ground with their different experiences with Valentino, has me thinking.
Also just want to clarify I love Vox's character a LOT but ofc obv don't sympathise with him or think he is any way shape or form a decent individual, cant with stupid toxic dumbass x
AND IF YOU SEE ANY MISTAKES OR TYPOS NO YOU DONT- (i was so tired when drawing it forgive me TwT)
#Man though the ANGST potential!!!!#vox and angel are in such different situations#but they have one thing in common that keeps them really close#val#and like we all know vox is super jealous#even though vals a dick#i just think the way they would go about interacting is so so interesting#ALSO THIS IS NOT HATE TO VAL OR VOX i think they are really well written and I love how shitty they are#but also no apologizing for them either ygm? :>#SENDING LOVE AND KEEP YOURSELF SAFE OUT THERE. 🤍🤍#hazbin hotel#vox#angel dust#hazbin hotel vox#huskerdust#voxval#hazbin#hazbin hotel fanart#tribbleart#<3
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team fortress 2 finally getting rid of the bots after 5 years
work on the team fortress 2 comic continuing after 7+ years
half life 3 development looking more likely than ever with legitimate code, file, and voicework leaks referencing a new non-VR single-player game from valve featuring a HEV suit wearing protagonist and Xen creatures and concepts
shoutout to the valve fan that found the genie lamp. you a real one
#liz blogs#valve#team fortress 2#tf2#half life#half life 3#what did i say. what did i fucking say.#once again the impossible becomes commonplace#valve exists as a company to walk into the gaming industry. slap their dicks on the table. and yell THIS IS HOW ITS DONE#and the gaming industry has never been in a more sorry state than it is now. maybe second only to the 80s i think. something something ET#in b4 its called Half Life Xen as all the files reference ''hlx''. hl3 fakeout. but its another half life game.#half life 3 has been ''made'' multiple times in various states but its never been up to standards. whatever this project is though sounds l#like its very far in development. maybe they didnt give up this time#ive never been closer in my life to actually saying half life 3 confirmed. its not confirmed but its looking really good for once#crazy year to be a valve fan i'll tell you what#its only the actual objective most anticipated game of all time. no biggie#edit - added a link for the comic news for those who dont know. and the bot bans havent been announced in one place anywhere#but you can literally just look it up on youtube or twitter. valve has been mass-banning bots for the last month. fixtf2 worked
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figure skating set right now please. thanks
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww#after work I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old#anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set#(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side#however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress#from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look#but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again#it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning#is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled#my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist#i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.
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1) your art is phenomenal and marshmallowy it makes my day when you post!
2) I’m unsure if you are still taking request but if you are in a dilly dallying mood I would <3 to see some of the Chainsaw man characters in your style? I feel like your shape language would translate onto their design really well🤎🤎
you fool............i drew em a zillion years ago
#i didnt do it before it became popular cus im not THAT cool#but i remember rlly liking part 1 i just stopped after the aquarium arc#i really appreciate the way fujimoto writes some stuff but i think the one that mad eme insane was look back..#also thank u for the kind words<3#arts#csm
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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❤️🖤🩷
Wuthering Waves has taken over all of my free time recently, so here's a sketch of Scar!Ren I originally shared in da 14DWY Discord!!
#14 days with you#to be tagged later#Sometimes a team is just Sephiroth; some random flower girl; and a dragoon from FFXIV#Like....... Look me in my eyes and tell me that one of Jiyan's abilities isn't just stardiver /silly#Anyways!! Sharing dis on my main only because it's just a sketch and doesn't feel ''official'' enough for da 14DWY blog#If I come back to this piece + retouch/put more effort into it maybe I'll reupload it there instead#But ya!! Any inconsistencies in Scar's outfit is because I was too busy staring at Taoqi <3#There was also absolutely no rhyme or reason as to why I drew Ren as Scar specifically too—#—Other than the fact that he WOULD rock da onigiri strip (RIP T_T) /ij /silly#Plus I was going to draw [REDACTED] as (WUWA SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!) Geshu but?? Babes I don't think the timeline works out??#I really saw the marks in the same spot and was like “oh!! they're the same person :3” LIKE GIRL NO?? This is what happens when you skip cs#Geshu is still my number 1 next to Taoqi though (in terms of design) <3 I have a type teehee#Mayhaps I will draw [REDACTED] after all...... (It's currently 3pm and I'm nowhere near my tablet)#Also also!! A treat for those who've read this far: Day 3.5 will be made public very soon!! It's pride month n I wanna celebrate—#—With everyone's fave demi/pansexual enby (who sometimes does a bit of stalking) (as a treat) (he's a yandere)#Violet's birthday is also June 10!! Early birthday gift!! Yippeee!!#Ok I'll shuddup now <3
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dedicating a whole page of my flash book to the special boy <33
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tattoo design#dw i'll let you know the Second i'm allowed to use another person#i can't wait to do one of these for someone#i know i fucked up the point of the dagger i'll fix it later#i need to stop doing symmetrical designs on paper bc i'm not good at it#the arcane trickster one actually turned out really fucking cool i didn't think i'd like it when i started it
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snowzone
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#trolls john dory#trolls bruce#trolls clay#trolls floyd#trolls branch#brozone#kinda missing the snow#while I'm glad it's not so cold anymore; I am not looking forward to how hot it gets#their sleds are walnut shells!! would a walnut shell make a good sled? probably not but it's cute so... walnut sled!#wanted to give bitty b one of those baby cow earmuffs and it spiraled to this lol#also saw some panels of dungeon meshi where young elves where these hats. truly inspired#haven't read/watched it yet but i can tell i would totally love it#I'm thinking of maybe making this my banner? it's like accidentally the correct size#trolls fanart#excuse the messiness#my art <3#trolls band together#i have another snowzone drawing but im not really vibing with it.#thinking of maybe posting those discarded sketches under like... a scrapyard tag#there's only like 2 sketches so far lol#sorry I haven’t posted some broppy in a bit#been having some trouble with it coming out a little stiff. so I’m thinking that some good old brozone can refresh my system lol
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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