#i really hope they at least stay happy and grow in the next part (if it’s greenlit)

[nikkiruncks]

moodboard: nate x nikki

[likeumeanit9497]

yale pt. 2 | c.s |

chris sturniolo x fem!reader

read part one here!

summary: to commit or not to commit; what will chris and y/n decide? and how will they prove to one another that their mutual decision was the right one?

warnings: smut, oral (m/f receiving), hand stuff (m/f), p in v, unprotected sex (BAD), more fluff than i usually write, 18+

notes: again i'm sorry ab the wait but part two is finally finished! it's a bit longer than my past one shots (almost 6000 words eek) because there's a lottttt of fluff before the smut. i hope ya'll enjoy!!!

ᵕᵕᵕᵕ୨♡︎୧ᵕᵕᵕᵕ

Two out of my three final exams were finished, and I was about ready to throw in the towel on my last one of the week. It was Thursday, and tomorrow was my Biology II final, which had been the one that had been stressing me out the most. As soon as I had got back to my small one-bedroom apartment that day, I had buried my nose in my textbooks in an attempt at cramming some last-minute miracle study session into my day.

That was around 3:00, and as I walked into my kitchen to make myself my fourth cup of coffee for the day, the clock on my stove read 9:26. I wanted to cry from exhaustion. Yale finals were no joke, and I had to do well on all of my exams in order to keep my scholarship for next year. On top of the stress caused by all of that, I was having an even more difficult time because my brain had been consumed by something else. Every moment of every day — whether I was trying to get some rest at night or trying to focus on answering the questions correctly on an exam — I was thinking about the last time I had seen Chris.

It had been less than a week, but my mind had replayed every moment of our time together so many times that it had begun feeling like a dream. That, in addition to the lack of proper rest I had been getting, had made me genuinely begin to question whether or not I had imagined everything that he had said before I ran out on him.

I hadn’t heard anything from Chris since then, which really wasn’t that uncommon. We typically only texted when I was back in Boston and we could meet up, and he knew that I would be busy with my finals this week and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. But regardless of how usual the lack of communication was, I couldn’t help but feel like there was a mutual tension between us even from miles away; and the shortage of interactions between us just felt like confirmation of that.

Since the last time we spoke, I had felt nearly every emotion possible regarding the situation. Guilty, happy, sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, excited, and confused. Very, very confused. There had been so many times where, as I was studying, or showering, or walking to class, I became completely consumed by the urge to text him; sometimes with the intention of telling him that I feel the same way about him as he does about me, other times my intentions were to cuss him out for making the one thing that was easy in my life so complicated. But every time I opened my phone and began typing out a message to him, I got ahold of myself and would hurriedly delete the paragraph.

Frustrated and lost in my own mind once again, I leaned onto the kitchen counter and rested my forehead against my crossed arms. The last thing that I wanted to do was go back to my desk and continue studying, but I knew that I needed to spend at least a few more hours on it if I wanted to secure at least a 90%. But my eyes were beginning to grow heavy, and the cool sensation that came from leaning on my counter was helping me calm down. Maybe I could stay here and collect my thoughts for just a few more minutes…

Four loud knocks at my front door caused my eyes to shoot open. I felt disoriented as I took a moment to take in my surroundings, glancing quickly at the clock I realized that I must have somehow dozed off in my position at the counter. Three more knocks rumbled through my small apartment, these ones more urgent than the last. As my brain finally woke up completely, I was hit with a mini wave of rage. Brad was in the same Biology II class as I was. He must be trying to study for the exam super last minute, and when he realized that he hadn’t even started taking study notes, he decided to show up unannounced at my place to get his hands on mine. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time.

I stormed toward my front door, beside myself in fury and stress. As I unlocked the door and began turning the handle, I opened my mouth to begin my crazed rant.

“Brad I swear to God I’m not-” My mouth clamped shut and I froze once the door was completely open and the identity of the person on the other side was shown.

“Hi.” Was all he said, his voice tentative and wavering slightly. His bright blue eyes were filled with uncertainty, his slouched shoulders were covered in a light dusting of snow, and held by his hands in the space between us was a bouquet of sunflowers.

“Chris.” His name fell breathlessly from my lips, and I immediately walked toward him and embraced him in a relieving hug. I felt both of our bodies relax as soon as they connected, and we stood in my doorway for what could have been hours; both of us taking a moment to relish in the comfort that came from us finally seeing one another. “What are you doing here?” I finally asked, pulling back from him and taking a good look at his beautiful face. He shifted on his feet before responding, “I just needed to see you.”

His body language showed that he was feeling incredibly vulnerable. I wanted to do everything I could to reassure him, but not yet; it was too soon. So instead, I guided him into my apartment and closed the door behind us.

“So,” I began as he stood awkwardly in my kitchen, “Have you just decided to start carrying those around as some sort of fashion statement or what?” I gestured towards the flowers still gripped firmly in his hand. He blinked quickly before looking down at them as if he had forgotten they were there, and nervously giggled. “No. Uh, I brought these for you?” His voice rose at the end of his sentence, making it sound like a question and I let out a small laugh before gently removing them from his grasp. “I was joking, thank you for these. Sunflowers are my favourite.” I replied before turning my back to him to search through my kitchen cabinets for a vase. “I know they are.” He said in a quiet voice, and I turned back to look at him quickly.

“How’d you know that?” I kept my tone light, partially because I felt like it might make him more comfortable and partially to keep my nerves at bay. “Your lock screen on your phone. It’s of you and your friends in a sunflower field. I asked you about the picture that first time we met when you went to put my number in your phone and you told me that they were your all-time favourite flower, even though you thought they were a bit cliche.” He explained all of this to me while looking down at his feet, and I felt a ripple of shock travel down my spine. How did he remember that seemingly mundane part of our very first interaction, eight months ago?

I cleared my throat as I felt my emotions begin to get the best of me, and finally found a vase hidden deep in one of my cabinets. “Well I do love them,” I finally responded once I regained control over myself, “And look at how beautiful they are! The brighten up my entire kitchen.” I showed him the bouquet, now tucked into their vase, and felt my heart flutter at their vibrancy. “Thank you so much, Chris. I mean it.” I walked over to where he was standing beside my kitchen island, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I playfully brushed my nose against his a few times, before planting a light kiss on his lips. “You have a very good memory.” I added, before moving my lips to his jaw, down to his neck; leaving wet thank-you kisses along the way. His breath hitched once I reached his collarbone, where I spent extra time suckling his delicate skin.

I brought a hand down to his jeans, where I palmed at his semi-hard member. His hands stayed still at his sides, but I could feel his increasing pulse against my lips as I moved them painfully slow back up to his. When my lips made it back to his, I pressed my body against him in an attempt at deepening our movements. His hands finally moved to grab onto my waist, giving me a moment of satisfaction, before he used his new grip to pull me away slightly. “Y/n, wait,” He started, his gaze fixed on me, “I’ve really been needing to talk about last weekend.” My stomach sunk as I began to feel the too-familiar pit of anxiety that had been haunting me for days grow once more. Not wanting him to pick up on how terrified I was to have this conversation, I planted a faux smile on my face and gave him a quick nod. “Me too. Let’s sit.” I replied before walking over to my couch.

“So…” I began once we were both seated on the couch facing each other. Even though I had spent days mulling over every detail of what I might possibly say to Chris once this inevitable conversation happened, I really had no idea how to go about this. And by the unusual silence and bouncing leg coming from Chris’s side of the couch, it was pretty evident that he didn’t know how to either.

“I thought we had agreed that this conversation wouldn’t happen until after I had written all of my finals.” I finally got the courage to speak first, before immediately noticing that my tone came across pretty passive aggressive. “I just mean — sorry, Chris. I’ve just been really stressed out.” I attempted to correct my first sentence once I noticed that his face was riddled with anxiety. Placing a soft hand on his forearm, I continued, “I just mean I’ve been really needing to talk to you, too.” A nervous smile flashed across his face at my words, and I watched as he took a deep breath. “You have?” His tone sounded unsure, and I nodded firmly. “I haven’t been able to think about anything else.” I added, slightly embarrassed by my own admission. “Neither have I.” He added, turning his body slightly so he can face me better.

“I know I told you that I would wait until after you were finished your exams, and I really tried. But I’ve been going crazy these past few days and I really couldn’t wait anymore. I’m sorry.” He confessed, and I scooted closer to his place on the couch. “Don’t be. Trust me, I’ve felt so crazy these past few days too. I’ve gone through every possible emotion whenever I thought about the whole situation, it’s like I can’t get control over my mind. It’s been hell.” I reassured him with the truth.

“Well, how are you feeling about the whole thing?” He asked tentatively, as if he was afraid of my answer. I allowed myself to contemplate for a few moments before answering, so that I could say the right thing. “Well, at first I was scared. It was just so out of the blue Chris, and my brain couldn’t process it all.” I watched him watch me as I spoke, “Then, I felt really angry. I was so mad that after all of this time you decided to drop that bomb of a confession right before I had to start my most stressful week of the year. That, along with the simple fact that I am in a relationship, no matter how toxic, and you went and made things even more complicated.” His gaze dropped to the dead space between us, clearly having a difficult time hearing how upset I had been.

“But,” His eyes met mine again as I continued, “I almost felt relieved? Like, it kind of felt like this was how it was always supposed to end up, if that makes sense. It was like some part of me knew that the universe was planning something like this to happen in a way, and that all of our sneaking around was just the build up.” I felt my heart in my throat as I spoke of feelings that I hadn’t even known I was feeling before; shocked by my own confession. By the expression on his face, I could tell that he was just as confused.

“Wait, what?” Said Chris, his eyes widening slightly. I stared back at him in silence, terrified that I might have said too much and gotten this whole thing wrong. Oh God, what if he came here to back out of what he had said last week? What if his jealousy had just overpowered him in the moment, and he was here to backtrack. Even more, what if he was here to end things between us completely? I began to feel myself panic at all of the thoughts flying through my head at rapid speed, before he finally spoke.

“Are you — are you saying that you might want this too?” Chris asked, his voice one of hesitant optimism. Immediately, I felt my initial wave of dread vanish and a new, almost excited anxiety take its place. I bent forward, resting my arms on my knees, and groaned into my hands at the feeling. “I…do.” I finally said, my voice muffled by the concealment of my face behind my fingers.

The room stayed silent for what felt like forever, my last words sat heavy in the air between us. I was so anxious I couldn’t bear to look anywhere, so I scrunched my eyes tightly shut and made every attempt at calming my nerves.

“Come here.”

Chris’s voice was so soft and calm — a refreshing contrast to the racing thoughts in my own mind — that it caused my eyes to snap open and fall on him. He still looked a bit nervous, but the genuine smile that shone across his face allowed me to release the deep breath that I wasn’t even aware I was holding. I scooted even closer to him, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me. With my head tucked into his neck, I breathed him in; allowing my nervous system a moment to relax.

“We’re really doing this then?” I finally asked as he rubbed gentle circles on my back. He let out a soft chuckle. “Looks like it.” I pulled away from his embrace and brushed his hair out of his beautiful face. “I’m gonna have to end things with Brad tomorrow after our Biology final.” I sighed, dreading the inevitable conversation that was I was sure would be made more difficult by Brad and his disrespect. However, Chris’s pleased expression brought me some joy, because at the end of the day he was who I really wanted.

Feeling like I was on cloud nine, I wrapped my arms around Chris’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Right as my lips barely grazed his, however, he mumbled something and pulled back. “No,” he began, shaking his head firmly. “We gotta do this right. Things are different now and we’re not just sneaking around, so it feels wrong to just kiss you behind everyone’s back like we had to before. Take your exam, have a conversation with Brad, and then we can start from the beginning.”

My jaw physically dropped, shocked at the maturity of Chris’s words. I wish he wasn’t but I knew that he was right. Now that we were headed in the direction of something more serious, it would be so much more meaningful to wait until all of the wrinkles of our situation had been ironed out. I gave him a smile and nodded softly, letting him know that he was right.

“So, how did you get here?” I asked, stretching my arms behind my head to work the kinks out of my sore back. “Matt dropped me off. I had to offer to do the laundry for a full month for it though.” I laughed at his response, but was also touched by the idea as I knew that Chris despised laundry more than anything. “Jesus, no kidding, that’s a long drive just to turn right back around and go back to Boston.”

“Well, no. He should still be downstairs. I told him to wait outside for a while just in case things didn’t go so well up here.” He rubbed his neck awkwardly at this fact, but I understood what he meant. “Well, if you want you can tell him to head back and you can spend the night here. I was already planning on heading back home tomorrow night so I can just take you with me.” I offered, glancing quickly at him through my eyelashes as I did to gauge his reaction. Immediately, a smile flashed across his face and he shot up from the couch as if he had been hoping I would say that. “I’m down. Let me just run to his car and grab by duffel bag.” I laughed at his reaction, and the fact that he had clearly intended on staying the night if he played his cards right.

Before walking to the door, he leaned over my figure and planted a quick kiss on the top of my head. “I’ll be right back. Maybe once I grab my stuff I can quiz you for your exam or some shit. Don’t want you to not be prepared tomorrow just because I’m here.” My heard fluttered from the sensation of his lips on my skin in combination with his thoughtful words, and I had to fight the urge to pull his face to mine. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

ᵕᵕᵕᵕ୨♡︎୧ᵕᵕᵕᵕ

Once I finally made it back to my apartment, I slammed the front door shut and slid against it down to the floor. I ran my hands through my snow-covered hair as I tried to catch my breath and wrap my head around what I had just done.

I finally broke up with Brad.

As suspected, he didn’t take it well. To be honest, it had been a bad choice of mine to do it as we were walking towards the exit of the exam building, but I hadn’t expected him to break down into tears and get down on his knees in front of countless other students and professors, begging me to reconsider. I could still hear the echos of his wails as I literally ran away through the double exit doors of the building, and I continued to run as fast as I could until I reached the lobby of my apartment complex.

And now here I was, feeling everything all at once and trying to make sense of all that has happened over the past twenty four hours. As I mulled through everything, the sound of my shower turning on caught my attention. In all of my stress from writing my exam to breaking up with Brad, I had nearly forgotten what all of it was for.

Chris.

I stood up and slowly walked towards the bathroom. Putting my ear against the door, I smiled as I listened to him quietly sing along to a Ken Carson song playing from his phone as he showered. Checking the door knob, I realized that he had left it unlocked and I decided to enter the humid washroom. The room had already begun to fill up with steam, but I could still see Chris’s back through the glass shower door. He was facing away from me, and the music was loud so he clearly had no clue that I was there.

Quickly and quietly, I began to take off my clothes from the day; keeping my eyes on him the entire time to make sure he still hadn’t noticed my presence. Once fully unclothed, I took my hair out of my messy bun and began walking towards the shower. Standing at the glass now, I brought my knuckles against the cool surface and gently knocked.

At my knocking, Chris’s body jolted and he quickly turned his body to face me. When he saw that it was just me standing there, his body visibly relaxed and a smile crossed his lips. “Hey.” He said as his eyes travelled across my naked body. “Hey.” I returned as I opened the shower door and began climbing in. I stood in front of his naked figure, the stream of water from the shower head beginning to mist my hair.

“Did you talk to him?” Asked Chris, his eyes searching my face; clearly trying to gauge my expression. I tilted my head to the side and smirked slightly. “I did.” He continued to just stare, his bare chest rising and falling rapidly. “I ended it.” I added, causing a smile to immediately cross his face. “So we’re really doing this, huh?” Chris asked as he brought his hands to my hips, pulling my body towards him directly under the shower head. Now getting completely rained on, I squeezed my eyes shut and chuckled. “What, you getting cold feet already kid?” I asked jokingly, opening my eyes to look at him and standing on my tip toes so that I could bring my face closer to his.

“No, obviously not, it’s just,” He paused when I brushed my wet lips against his softly, before whispering, “It’s just a bit scary.” I brought my hands to the back of his head, where I mindlessly twirled my fingers through his curls. “What’s scary?” My hushed tone now matched his as I spoke. “I’ve just never been in a relationship before, and I don’t want to screw anything up. I’m really really out of my realm here Y/n.” He confessed, his tone somber and his eyes fearful.

I grabbed my bottom lip with my teeth, completely understanding what he was saying but not wanting to unintentionally confirm his fears by agreeing. So instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him against me. After a moment of relishing in the feeling of his skin pressed firmly against mine, feeling our hearts beat as one, I spoke.

“Let me show you that you don’t need to be scared of anything.” I gazed up at him as he looked down at me, and after a short while he nodded his head. Rubbing his back delicately, I spoke. “Things aren’t going to be much different, you know,” I began placing soft kisses along his collarbone, “Sure we won’t be sneaking around,” More kisses along his shoulder, “And there will be a certain level of accountability and loyalty that wasn’t there before,” My mouth moved to his jaw, “But those are all good things because,” Finally, my lips were hovering in front of his, so close to touching that I could feel his anxious breath against them.

“They mean that I’m all yours.”

At that, Chris crashed his lips against mine. Our mouths moved in sync as his tongue swirled against mine. I gasped as Chris suddenly pressed my back against the cool tiled wall where he continued to dominate my mouth. I felt his quickly growing member press against my hip, and reached forward to begin stroking it slowly. A soft moan fell from his mouth, and I began to move my hand up and down quicker along his hard shaft. He bucked his hips slightly at the sensation, and moved his lips to leave deep kisses along my neck, down to my nipples. He gave my left nipple one long drag with his tongue before engulfing the entire thing in his mouth. He sucked hard and bit tenderly on the tip of my nipple the way he knew I liked, and I couldn’t help but release a small whine at the building need in between my legs.

“Let me make you feel good.” Chris mumbled against my tit, grabbing my ass firmly with both hands. “Me first.” I replied, a smirk on my face with his cock still tight in my grasp. Slowly, I dropped to my knees on the shower floor and was face to face with his swollen cock. Gazing at me as water dripped down his entire body, Chris watched as I placed my lips around his red tip; swirling my tongue to lap up the salty pre cum that had begun to drip from his slit. I watched his erotic expressions as his body shuddered from the sensation, and slowly began bobbing my head up and down the length of his cock. I began pumping my hand along his last few inches that I couldn’t fit in my mouth, and had to stifle my own anticipatory moan from how turned on I had made myself just by knowing that it was my mouth that was allowing him to feel this pleasure.

Not being able to take the painfully aroused state I was in, I brought my free hand between my own legs; gently massaging my own clit to relieve just a bit of the tension. The immediate satisfaction caused me to moan on Chris’s cock, which in turn caused him to press his hand against the shower wall to support his weakened frame. As he watched me pleasure both of us, his jaw slacked and his eyes glazed over with pure lust. I continued to vigorously bob my head, though I was beginning to get distracted by my own heightened arousal as my fingers maintained their pressure on my swollen clit. As tears welled in my eyes I swallowed the entire length of his shaft and began deep throating him, watching his face as his eyes squeezed shut and his free hand moved to grab my hair.

“Fuck baby, I might cum.” His words came out gravelly through his bright pink lips, and I hummed in response as I continued to swirl my tongue around the base of his dick. Suddenly, Chris released a throaty moan before pulling his hips back and detaching my lips from his member with a pop. Instinctually, I tilted my head up and opened my mouth; sticking my tongue out with a slight smirk. I watched as Chris pumped his cock with his own hand a few times before his warm fluid coated my expectant face. I quickly swallowed the few drops that had landed in my mouth, and smiled softly up at Chris as he watched. He brought his thumb to my lower lip and swiped delicately; collecting a drop of his cum that had landed there before placing it on my tongue. Tauntingly, I closed my lips around his thumb and sucked it gently as his breath hitched.

He took his thumb out of my mouth and helped me to my feet. Wrapping an arm around the small of my back, he guided me directly under the stream of water before tilting my head back so that his seed could wash off of my face. After a moment, he pulled me back out of the water and pressed me into his chest. His hands travelled across my back and down to my ass, where he began massaging softly. As he massaged, the tips of his fingers grazed my slit from the back and I began to feel the urgent need to be touched. I nibbled at his skin and subconsciously arched my back in an attempt to give his hands better access to where I needed them most.

He ran a finger through my slick folds and my heart rate quickened against his chest. “You think you can manage to go again?” I breathed as he continued to tease me. I felt his body shift slightly as he chuckled. “Yup. Just give me a minute.” The words barely left his mouth before he dropped to his knees and backed my body up against the wall in one swift motion. Before I had a moment to process anything, his mouth connected to my bundle of nerves. To grant himself easier access, he grabbed my right leg and put it over his shoulder as I moaned out at the sensation that the new angle provided. His mouth moved rhythmically as his tongue swirled around my clit in the way that he knows drives me crazy, and I already began to feel the early whispers of an orgasm in my lower stomach.

After a few moments of bliss, my body was suddenly jolted into reality when he removed his lips from me and stood up. Keeping me pinned to the wall, he attacked my mouth with his own. Deep and carelessly, our lips moved in sync with one another as Chris simultaneously hooked my leg around his hip to press his body even closer to mine. Suddenly, our kiss was cut off by my open-mouthed gasp as Chris slammed his cock deep into my core. Without giving me a moment to adjust to his size, he began driving into me with quick strokes. I struggled to continue to stand — both because of the slippery shower and the velocity of his movements — so I dug my nails into his back for grip; sure to leave deep scratches by the time we were finished.

“Fuck Chris, you’re so big.” I moaned out, feeling my core stretch out with each of his thrusts. “Oh come on baby, you can take it.” His tone was mocking, but it came out breathless as he relentlessly pummelled into me.

His face was pressed against mine, and my view of his feverish gaze and tightened jaw was interrupted periodically only by his sloppy kisses along my jaw. As his pace began to grow more careless, my vision began to grow blurry from my approaching orgasm. “Chris, please keep going I’m so close.” I begged, fearful that his second orgasm would come quicker than my first.

He brought his hand to my throat and squeezed it delicately, his eyes on mine. “I’ll wait for you, princess. Want to cum with you.” His hand moved from my throat down to my clit, where he began rubbing it fiercely. The additional contact from him instantly sent a jolt of electricity down my spine, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was going to reach my climax. “C-chris, I’m — oh God I’m cumming.” I practically screamed as the wave of overwhelming pleasure hit me. As my walls pulsed erratically around his cock, Chris released a raspy moan — a clear indicator that he had also reached his own orgasm. His movements slowed tremendously as we both rode out our highs; both of our fluids and slurred profanities in harmony with one another.

Chris’s hips stopped moving completely as we both leaned our heads against the shower wall, catching our breath. His hand that had previously been on my clit was now resting on my inner thigh where it was thoughtlessly rubbing up and down my soft skin. The thick steam in the shower was making it even harder for me to catch my breath, so I turned the temperature down before stepping under the stream of water to begin cooling myself down. Chris followed suit, and squeezed some shampoo into his hand before lathering my hair with it. Humming at the relaxing feeling of his hands massaging my scalp, I leaned back against his firm chest.

“See, at least you know that part of our relationship didn’t change.” I said jokingly as I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. “No, it definitely did.” He responded, and I froze. Once again I was worried that he had changed his mind; that maybe he thought the sex might start to be boring, or that sex with emotion was too sappy. Just as those insecurities began to rear their head, Chris’s eyes softened with a big smile as he pulled me towards him. “It got even better.” I felt my body relax in his arms at those words, and I beamed up at him. “I agree.” I pressed a soft kiss to his collar bone.

“Now let’s hurry up, I want to get back to Boston before it gets dark out.” I said as I hurriedly lathered by body with shower gel. Chris moved from his place under the shower head to give me space to wash off before exiting the shower. “Stay at mine tonight? We can watch Christmas movies!” He exclaimed as he grabbed a towel to dry off. I rolled my eyes with a smile. “You’re such a cornball. But unfortunately I think I might be too because that sounds great.” He giggled at this before poking his head back into the shower to plant a kiss on my nose. “I’m really happy we’re doing this.”

“Doing what? Getting excited over watching Christmas movies?” I asked with a chuckle. “No — well, yes. But no. I meant I’m — I’m really happy you’re all mine now.” His words made me melt a little inside, and I brought an affectionate hand to his jaw and brushed my thumb against it. I took a moment to really admire his perfect features — in awe of my current reality where a man as beautiful as him could feel the way he does about me— before responding, “Me too, Chris. I’m happy I’m all yours too.”

ᵕᵕᵕᵕ୨♡︎୧ᵕᵕᵕᵕ

taglist:

@chrattstromboli @sncstur

[d1xonss]

HEY ASHHH!!! hope youre doing amazing HOW ABOUT SARCASTIC READER (tony stark kinda personality😝😝) WITH DARYL AAGHH IT WOULD BE SO COOL like readers always so careless

A Friend

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Reader

✧ Era : Season 4

✧ Pronouns : she/her

✧ Genre : Fluff

✧ Word Count : 3.5k

AN ~ Hiii! Thank you for this request, I love the idea! I think any kind of sarcastic character paired with Daryl is just perfect. I’m not super confident on how this one came out but I tried to just work with it lol. Hope you enjoy!

You felt the hot sun beating down onto your skin the longer you stood outside, causing you to have to constantly wipe your forehead every few minutes to get rid of the sweat that pooled there. Your arms continued to burn with how many walkers you kept having to stab on the outsides of the fences, their arms trying to come through the openings to claw at you. You had the privilege and the honor of taking on this job today as Rick instructed, while his happy ass stayed inside and did a count of all the weapons and bullets we had. Making checklists if you will while you were stuck out here working your ass off.

Over the course of a few months, you had all been able to live peacefully inside this prison now without the Governor trying to kill everyone twenty four seven. It was relieving, but the problem you all seemed to have to deal with now were all the walkers built up along the fences, attempting to push their way in. No one knew what exactly caused this to be such a problem, maybe the loudness that everyone provided now with how many of you lived on the other sides of the gates. But it had become a pain to deal with to say the least.

You gritted your teeth as you took your weapon to stab another through the skull, moving down to the one below it, and then the one below the next, trying to take them out as fast as possible. Though suddenly you felt a cold pair of hands grasp onto your wrist, your eyes snapping up to see one from the left had a death grip on you. Literally. You yanked your arm back the moment it registered in your head, taking the blade and stabbing it through the eye, seeing its blood go everywhere.

You huffed out a harsh breath, “Fucker.” you muttered to yourself as you shook out your hand, stepping away from them for a moment to take a small break.

You reached down for your water bottle that you had placed off to the side, raising it up to your mouth to take a drink, feeling the coolness glide down your throat effortlessly. It wasn’t nearly enough to cool you down completely, but it was still better than nothing. 

Your eyes then drifted around to the many people outside the prison walls, working, eating, talking with one another. It was nice to see the larger community you had now when it was once just a small and tight knit group. Everything was expanding and growing, and you liked the look of it. But then your gaze trailed off to the left, and you really liked the look of that instead.

Daryl was hunched over the side of his bike as he tinkered with it, using a variety of tools and cursing under his breath sometimes when he couldn’t get it just right. Though that wasn’t the only thing you were focusing on. The way his arms flexed beautifully with every tug and pull he seemed to do, it was causing you to feel even hotter than you were before if that were even possible. And the sweat glistening on his skin while he worked, you could’ve sworn you were drooling a little. God he was hot.

Blinking rapidly, you managed to snap yourself out of it as you turned away before he could notice you staring, looking down towards the ground for a moment to compose yourself. Lord only knows there was just something about that man that you weren't able to resist, but the downside about that was, you knew he hardly even noticed or felt the same. The two of you had never really been the closest, in fact you barely even talked at all for the most part. He was more of a loner type, preferring to be on his own than socialize with other people. But hey, you can’t blame a girl for hoping. You then just put all your attention back to killing the remaining walkers outside the fence, wanting to get it done as fast as possible.

But you found you only lasted about another hour before you were completely over it, needing something else to do to pass the time but also make yourself useful. You found yourself wandering back towards the building as a few other members took over for you at the fence, lingering near the garages before your eyes suddenly spotted some fishing rods. You remembered how Glenn brought those back recently with the intention to use them at a lake just a few miles from here, in hopes of catching other types of food besides deer and squirrel.

You only saw the opportunity for a split second before you just decided to take it. After all it was something to do, and something that wouldn’t want to make you die while doing. You practically skipped over to the supplies laid out, grabbing the two fishing poles and the tacklebox filled with some bait, before heading back towards the gate so the person on watch could let you out.

The walk down towards the large lake was a breeze, giving you an actual opportunity to clear your head for a moment as you could finally get away from the constant snarls of the walkers. You could hardly even step outside anymore before the sound was already ringing in your ears. But out here it was peaceful, calm, and approaching the lake even further, seeing a wooden dock coming into view, it felt even more so.

You stepped out onto the wooden platform and instantly got to work, placing some bait on the hook, before casting the line out into the water, pulling at it a little every once and a while to get the fake fish to move around. You sat in silence for the longest time now, it then suddenly hit you all at once how boring this was to do alone with no one else to keep you company. How there wasn’t a single sound to be heard or even anything interesting to look at…nothing. A sigh then passed your lips as you held the rod loosely in one hand while resting your chin in the other, the silence now growing even more so.

That is until you heard a distinct noise. Footsteps approaching you from behind, heavy ones too, marching against the dock pretty loudly as they inched closer to you. Your eyes then peered over your shoulder, trying to not show the shock you felt when you saw it was Daryl coming up to you, crossbow in hand and a typical serious look on his face.

“The hell you doin?” he asked once he was close enough, eyeing the supplies that surrounded your figure, before his gaze returned to you.

Your brows furrowed. Was he serious?

“Oh you know, just…skydiving.” you said with a shrug, your tone coming out monotone and serious as your eyes squinted up towards him because of the bright sun behind his head.

He scoffed to himself at your sarcastic answer, his permanent scowl intensifying as he didn't open his mouth to speak again, causing you to roll your eyes. “I’m fishing-”

“I know that girl.” he cut you off, “I mean why the hell did ya come out here alone in the middle of the damn day?” he spat, literally. With the way he spoke so harshly he accidentally spit on your skin as he hovered above you.

You blinked a few times in slight disgust, “It’s a free country sprinkles,” you commented dryly as you wiped your cheeks, “And anyway, I needed to get away from all the constant noise back there. Didn’t think it would be that big of an issue.” you informed with widened eyes.

His expression continued to remain neutral as he nearly glared down towards you in almost disbelief. Was it because you came out here alone? Because you talked back to him? Or because you pointed out the literal shower coming out of his mouth, you weren’t completely sure. But he didn’t seem to want to say another word.

“Okay…” you trailed off awkwardly as you turned back around to face the water, preparing to just ignore his presence now until he decided to go away. He always did with interactions like this. You would know that better than anyone.

Though this whole interaction confused you slightly. He never seemed to care when you, or anyone else for that matter, went off on their own like this, so why the hell was this situation any different? Maybe he was on his man period or something, who knows. But still, besides the spitting, you couldn’t help but shake how hot he still looked in the sunlight. A part of you almost wished that he would stay.

But after a few lingering minutes, you still felt his hovering presence behind you as he continued to say nothing, yet he continued to stand behind you firmly in place. The whole thing was weird and was honestly starting to make you a little uncomfortable, just wanting to know what was going on in his head.

So you glanced back up at him, “Okay, either leave or come sit down.” you said bluntly, “Your stare is making me itchy.”

He stood there for only a moment or two longer, clearly debating in his head, before moving closer towards the edge where you sat and took a seat for himself with a sigh. His actions honestly surprised you, almost expecting him to just walk away with some kind of grumble under his breath. But it was safe to say he threw you off guard a little bit. That, and he managed to not say something assholey.

“Don’t want yer dumbass somehow gettin yerself killed out here.”

Ah. Never mind.

Your eyes narrowed towards him as you looked at the side of his face, “You think I can’t handle myself or something?”

“I know ya can’t.” he replied without missing a beat.

You scoffed to yourself, “Oh you better watch yourself, I’ll make you eat those words. I could take your ass down if I really wanted to.”

Now it was his turn to scoff as he truly didn’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth, “Alright…”

Rolling your eyes at his response, you reached around behind you to pull out the other fishing rod and held it out to him, “Make yourself useful at least.” you said with a pointed glance.

He eyed the thing in your hand for a long moment, making you think for a moment that he wasn’t even going to try. But again, he seemed to surprise you. He snatched it out of your grasp with a small huff, turning to put some bait on the hook just as you did before throwing the line out onto the lake, a bored expression written on his face.

Well this should be fun.

For a while, you two only sat in complete silence, but it wasn’t one that was uncomfortable. In fact you didn’t mind it in the slightest. He was out here keeping an eye on you, helping you bring something back to the community and it was not something you would be complaining about anytime soon. He sat fairly close to you to the point where you could briefly smell the lingering scent of cigarettes on his clothes. You felt that anyone else would be slightly bothered by the smell, but in all honesty, you loved it.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before Daryl began to shift uncomfortably where he sat, his movements bringing your attention to him. He looked a little stiff, almost uncomfortable as his posture was a little rough around the edges.

“You alright there?” you asked with a raised brow.

He groaned a little as he straightened up, “My back’s fuckin killin me…” he huffed as he continued to squirm a little bit now.

Amusement crossed your features once he said that, “Really? Damn, how old are you?”

His face however was far from amused as he looked back at you with some kind of pointed look, narrowing ever so slightly that caused you to back off. “...Tough crowd…” you muttered while turning your attention back to the lake.

You could briefly see out of the corner of your vision, his eyes were still on you as he let out somewhat of a loud and lingering sigh. “Forty three.” he answered almost regrettably.

It was obvious you were surprised, slowly turning back to face him, glancing over his features before you let out a small, “huh.”

His eyes rolled, “Yeah, go ahead and say whatever, I can feel it comin.” he spoke bitterly as he tugged a little on his pole again.

You laughed a little to yourself, “Calm down, I wasn’t going to say anything bad.”

“Alright…sure.” he spoke again, clearly not believing it as he didn’t look at you again.

“I was actually going to say you don’t look it…so…” you trailed off, your words far from a lie at what first popped into your head. It was honestly hard to believe, thinking to yourself that he looked like he was at least in his mid thirties.

But those words took him a little off guard, looking back towards you to see if you were actually telling the truth, before letting his guard down a little as he felt a little warmth in his chest, “Oh…thanks…I guess.”

You nodded sincerely, “You’re welcome…grandpa.”

The sound surprised you. It even surprised him. But Daryl couldn’t help the sudden laugh he let out at your little jab, covering his mouth as he chuckled to himself in surprise that you said that so effortlessly. Even he had to admit, it was a good one.

You even smiled a little to yourself at the unexpected reaction, seeing him calm down a little as he spoke next, “Man…I guess I walked into that one, I’ll give ya that…”

You dipped your head as you did a little bow from where you sat, “Oh thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.”

He chuckled quietly again at your sarcastic attitude, wondering to himself for a moment why he hadn’t spent this kind of time with you before. You were both in the same group for a good amount of time, nearly the whole time, and yet neither of you never really sought each other out. The two of you just never had gotten to know one another that well he assumed. But regardless, he supposed it was nice to do it now. Better late than never.

“Why…why haven’t we done this kinda stuff before?” he found himself asking out loud, just a slip of his tongue as he didn’t exactly mean to voice his thoughts like that to you. Though he almost couldn’t help it as he seemed to want to know your point of view.

But nonetheless you responded. “Cause you’re always too busy with bingo.”

He found himself laughing again, hearing you join in after a moment as your quick comebacks seemed to throw him off yet again, “Alright, alright, enough of that shit. Yer gonna make me feel ancient if ya keep it up.”

You laughed again with a shake of your head, “Sorry…but honestly…you kind of intimidate me.”

His brows furrowed a little in confusion, thinking to himself that you of all people wouldn’t have been intimidated in the slightest. Especially because of how long you knew him. “...Really?”

Your gaze ducked a little, “What? You see yourself as some big teddy bear or something, you’re not exactly Mr. Rogers.”

Daryl couldn’t stop the smirk from forming on his face at the comparison, nodding along as if you had a point, “Fair. Just…didn’t think ya saw me like that.”

“Well, if it helps…I don’t anymore. It’s nice to see you laugh…you know, showing some human emotion.”

The small smile he had still hung on his face as he looked at you, nodding again towards you, “It’s nice hearin ya laugh too.” he commented a bit quietly.

You smiled in return, not saying anything else as you were left completely content at where this ended up. You already liked looking at him, that was a given, but you also found yourself liking to see this other side to him as well. The side where he could actually let loose for once instead of putting up this whole tough guy act. And though you didn’t hear him admit it out loud, you knew he liked it too.

Though after only a few minutes of comfortable silence that fell over the two of you, he spoke up again as he squinted his eyes up at the sun, “Damn it’s hot out here.” he commented casually.

You on the other hand practically lit up at the opportunity that was given to you, staying quiet for a moment as you only nodded in agreement to his statement. He thought you couldn’t handle yourself against him? Not being able to catch him off guard? Challenge accepted.

Your eyes trailed down to the water just in front of you, leaning in a bit as you pretend to look at something below the surface, “Hey, do you see that?” you asked as you pointed.

His eyes looked toward you, before leaning down a bit as well to try and make out where you were gesturing to, “Huh? Where?”

“Right there.” you pointed again.

He felt a little stupid as he saw nothing, squinting his eyes more as he leaned a bit closer, “...Where?”

“It’s right…” you trailed off as your other hand moved up to his back, “There!” you said as you gently shoved him into the water, hearing him gasp before he fell face first into the lake with a splash. His reaction alone caused you to quite literally fall over laughing, hugging your sides as you giggled uncontrollably.

He then came back up with a breath, looking at you with a pointed glare as he was now completely soaked, “What the hell’s wrong with ya?” he asked angrily as he shook his head a little for the water that surely got in his ears.

You laughed even harder than before, “You said it was hot.” you pointed out as you laughed again to yourself, “Plus, I just made you eat your words.” you spoke cockily, referring to what he claimed earlier.

He stayed in place for a long moment absolutely dumbfounded, but then again he wasn’t planning on just letting you off the hook like that. He was absolutely drenched and pissed.

You began to notice the serious look he had on his face and you quickly calmed down, “Hey, I’m sorry, it was a joke.” you said as you leaned down a bit lower and reached out to him, “Here.” you offered to help him back up.

The man didn’t even need to think. No hesitation whatsoever. 

He quickly took your hand and pulled you into the water right along with him, hearing your small scream before you fell clumsily into the water. He chuckled to himself as he backed up, seeing your head pop back up almost instantly with shock written all over your features. But then again, you and him both knew you deserved it a little.

“You asshole!” you yelled playfully as you sent a splash toward his face.

“Oh, I’m the asshole?” he yelled back as he sent a splash back towards you, “You started this girl.” he chuckled as he kept pushing the water towards you.

That only caused the two of you to linger and splash each other in the water for quite a long time, neither of you even caring about the amount of time passing by. You were having a good time, playing around in the lake felt incredible on such a hot day like today. And neither of you could deny that each other's company, that was pretty nice too. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had laughed this hard, the situation alone causing you to be taken aback for a moment that Daryl was the one to bring out that side of you again. But it was refreshing, along with the cool water the two of you swam in for a few hours.

Though as the hour grew late and your fingers were starting to get pruney, you both collectively decided to get out and back up to the surface, ringing out your clothes all the while as you prepared for the walk back to the prison.

“No luck with the fishin, huh?” Daryl asked as he shook his head a little, the water droplets from his hair landing on you with how close the two of you were.

You sighed a little as you glanced back at the supplies you brought, “Guess not.” you commented, “But…I do think I found myself a new fishing buddy.” you said as you glanced back at him with a smile.

He looked at you for a moment before scoffing dismissively, “We ain’t no fishin buddies, that shit’s stupid.” he said with a chuckle as he moved around you to begin to gather up the stuff on the dock.

Your mouth dropped in offense, “Oh come on, it would be fun, grandpa’s love fishing.” you teased him as you watched him gather up all the supplies in his arms.

“Stop.” he said dryly as he brushed past you, beginning to walk back towards the prison.

You sighed dramatically, “Well at least bring out the joke book and humor me, it’s going to be a long walk back.”

“I swear to God, girl…” he grumbled a little at your teasing. But as much as he didn’t want you to see it, there was a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at your words. And maybe a little amusement in his eyes too. Perhaps this whole thing was just the start…maybe he had finally found someone he could laugh and joke with. Someone he could call a friend.

~ Thanks for reading! (also, i am working on a part two for older, it’s just taking me some time. but i promise it’s on the way;))

[nickfowlerrr]

go your own way

GIF by vanillanaps

pairings: steve rogers x curvy!reader, bucky barnes x curvy!reader, mentioned stucky x reader

warnings: angst. mentioned steve x reader smut but not described. little bit of bucky x reader fluff.

words: 1382

notes: just found this little guy in my docs and added to it some. this was part of what i had originally planned for always before i decided to make it just bucky x reader bc it was getting off track with this side story lol. i hope you like this, thank you in advance for reading. let me know what you think!

also also! new banner and dividers by @shadeysprings. she has design commissions open if you want to get your own made. absolutely recommend! 🩵

“I shouldn’t have said any of that. I know you care about him. I’m sorry.”

A tense silence began to grow between you two. So much unsaid, but you couldn’t keep this up much longer.

It’d been a long two years without Steve, and these past few months since he’d been back had been difficult to say the least.

“He misses you, ya know. We both do..”

“Sweetheart,” he whispered, his thumb stroking your hand in his before you pulled it away, mindlessly clenching your hand into a fist before you stretched it out, working to get the feeling of his touch off your skin.

“Yeah, I know,” you said a bit harshly before you cleared your throat. “I should grab his bag.”

You moved to go upstairs to get Bucky’s stuff from the room you’d claimed last night, but stopped a little ways up the steps. “I really am sorry, Steve,” you said once more.

He watched you continue up the stairs, leaving him to his thoughts once again. “So am I,” he offered to no one.

-

He hated the animosity between the two of you. Hated how reactive you were to his touch, how easily he could set you off, and not in the way he used to. He wanted things to be different, to go back to the way it was before. But he also knew he wasn’t ready. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt either of you, though he knew he already had.

He thought going away was for the better. You and Bucky were happy, and though you’d talked about all of you coming together, making things official, he couldn’t wrap his head around the idea. It seemed too complicated, and he still had things he needed to work out on his own.

It was only supposed to be a few months away, and he’d promised to stay in touch. But months turned into years and not even five months after he’d gone he had ditched his old phone. No one but Sam and Nat had his new number and they kept it to themselves. He was working, he’d tell himself, trying to make himself feel better, though he knew he could head home anytime he wanted. He checked his email often, but he couldn’t find it in him to respond to you. Eventually, the messages stopped coming... He missed your writings, your updates, your concern, but he couldn’t reach out to you to let you know that.

A few months ago, after a call from Sam, he was on his way back to the states. Back to the compound. Back to you.

Bucky had welcomed him with open arms, but you were, rightfully, cold.

Distant.

He wasn’t used to that coming from you, but he couldn’t say he hadn’t expected it.

It took some time before things felt cordial between you, and a bit longer still before things felt friendly. And then, two weeks ago, he had screwed up.

He knew he wasn’t ready for you, his mind wasn’t in the right place for a relationship, but when he found you in Bucky’s bed, sulking and missing him while he was away with Sam on a mission, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to comfort you.

Talking turned into innocent touching, which turned to cuddling, that led to kissing, and before he knew what he was doing, you were a moaning mess beneath him as he took you apart. Over and over until you’d passed out.

He took care of you then, too. Cleaned you up before tucking you into Bucky’s bed. A part of him wanted to stay, to be there when you woke up, but a stronger part told him to go before he made matters worse.

The next day you met him in the kitchen.

The look on your face when he told you the previous night had been a mistake was one he’d never forget. The look of hurt and shock at his words ate him up inside. But he knew it was for the better. For now.

“It isn’t about you or Bucky, it’s about me. I’m sorry, I am. But I’m not ready to be involved right now. And it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just-”

“I get it, Steve. It’s just, it’s been two and a half years. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to rush you into anything. I know you’ve been dealing with a lot, and I know that’s an understatement, I just… I guess I just missed you,” you admitted quietly.

“I missed you, too.”

“I’m not gonna stand here and pretend I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. But this is hard for us, too. It’s not easy to be around you. To have to stop myself from just coming up to you like I used to. To have to stop myself from being so goddamn angry at you for leaving so easily in the first place, without a word to either of us. Because I am mad. And I’m hurt. And not just for me, for Bucky, too. Because he doesn’t have it in him to be upset at you,” your voice wavers in your emotion, “but he has every damn right to be. I know you’re going through a lot, but you’ve put us through a lot, too. And maybe you’re right, maybe last night was a mistake. But it’s not mine. I don’t regret it. I know how I feel about you. But I also know you’re not ready. So, maybe keeping our distance is for the best right now.”

He took a second, absorbing all of what you said before he agreed. “Yeah,” he nodded solemnly, “we should.”

-

You weren’t sure what you were expecting that night, but his readiness to agree with you was not it. Some part had been hoping he’d fight you on it. Say he didn’t want to keep the distance, that he wanted you, that he was sorry for the way he left, sorry for the hurt he caused the both of you, that he’d pull you into him and say he’d had enough time and he wasn’t scared anymore and he wants to be with you both. Both you got nothing. Nothing but a stupidly sad pout and a nod.

You had blinked at him, and he didn’t have the heart to look back up at you. That was for the better, you’ve since realized, because you’d had to turn away before you let the tears that burned in your eyes slip.

It’d been two weeks, and of course you told Bucky everything as soon as he was settled from his mission. He listened intently, talked everything out with you, held you when you couldn’t help but cry again about it all. Bucky understood. It wasn’t like he was just some ex you could get over. He was Steve.

“I know it hurts,” he had said, “but he’ll have to find his way into this on his own if he really wants to. He says he has things to figure out on his own, then we just gotta let him. He knows we’re here. He’ll come when he’s ready.”

Bucky’s words ring in your ear as you head up to get his stuff from the room. You can hear the water running from his shower downstairs already. You’re beyond glad he’s safe - you know you were a complete disaster worrying about him all night - and you’re so thankful Steve was there for him when you couldn’t be. You just wish more than anything you could be in their combined embrace right now; you know you aren’t the only one who needs it. You can still feel Steve’s touch on your hand as you gather yours and Bucky’s things, and your stomach twists as your heart aches and your thoughts worry. You’re moving fast, bordering on desperate to get back to Bucky - make sure he really is okay, to hold him close and not let him go for the rest of the night, but not fast enough to outrun the thoughts that keep coming back to Steve.

Bucky says he’ll come when he’s ready…What if he decides he’s never gonna be?

[herofics]

No Longer Mine, part 2

A/N: Well, the first part of this fic, aka No Longer Mine, got very popular, at least compared to many of my other posts. I was planning on writing a second part anyway, but I also got a lot of comments asking for one so I’m happy to write this. I feel like I can’t get Nanami’s “voice” right, so the dialogue feels OOC, but I’m too tired to try to keep changing it. Hope you like this one too :D (Part 3 coming when I get around to it)

Some people asked to be tagged, so here’s that list: @labelt-san @username23345 @ourfinalisation

Word count: 1.9k

You didn’t know who else to call. You felt this horrible pit or dread growing in your stomach. Did you have anyone left? Were your friends from before your missing time even alive anymore? There was always a chance of dying suddenly because of the work you did. You didn’t have your phone and you didn’t remember anyone else’s number except for Gojo’s and maybe Nanami’s, you weren’t really sure. You decided to ask the nurse for a phone anyway and take your chances.

Nanami was in the middle of showering, so he couldn’t get to the phone when he heard it ring. No matter, he could just call whoever it was back. He had no idea that returning that phone call would turn his life upside down.

Six months had passed since your return, and a day hadn’t gone by that Gojo hadn’t thought of you. He felt guilty for not looking for you when you went missing, and on the other hand he felt guilty because all these thoughts were happening while he laid awake in bed, with his fiancée asleep next to him. He loved Ava, he really did, but he couldn’t get you out of his head.

For the first time since you were found on that side street in Tokyo six months ago, you woke up feeling content. It had certainly been an adjustment period after you got out of the hospital. All the nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat or just straight up screaming in your sleep. For the first month after you got released from the hospital, you stayed at Nanami’s place with the intention of looking for a place of your own. He let you take the bed while he slept on the couch. He woke you up from countless nightmares and held you as you cried about something you couldn’t even remember.

You were angry a lot of the time. Angry at whoever had taken four years of your life, angry at yourself, and angry at Gojo. It was the main emotion in your life for months. No matter how much you screamed and cried, no matter how many pillows and coffee cups you obliterated, Nanami stood by you through all of it.

It was very much like you were going through the five stages of grief. Denial happened at the hospital when you first found out that four years of your life had been stolen. Anger was with you for the whole process, and no matter how much you bargained, begged the universe that you would do anything to just go back, it didn’t happen. Life just doesn’t work that way. You don’t get second chances and you don’t get to go back in time to change things. The depression part wasn’t easy either. Sometimes you would pretty much go for days at a time without even getting out of bed. Nanami was still there, he made sure you ate something every day. He made sure you would get through it.

You were there to welcome him home from every mission, even during your worst days, you made sure to say “hi” to him when he came back. You were there to patch him up if he needed it. At some point he started actually looking forward to coming home, it wasn’t just a house anymore, it was a home, because you were there. He never wanted to pressure you into anything, the relationship just happened.

At some point during those six months, you and Nanami had become close. You had been friends before, but this was something different. At some point he didn’t leave the bed anymore after calming you down when you had a nightmare, at some point you just let it happen, you didn’t want him to go. At some point, you too, moved on. Finally, after six months, you found yourself waking up feeling content.

“Good morning sleepyhead” you whispered in his ear before pressing a kiss on his temple.

“Morning” he muttered sleepily.

“This is probably the first time I’ve seen you sleep past nine in the morning” you chuckled.

“I forgot to set an alarm, it seems” Nanami sighed, turning to face you.

“Do you have any missions for today?” you asked, tracing circles on his chest with your finger tips.

"No, today is all for you" he said softly, as he placed his hand on yours on his chest.

“That’s good to hear” you smiled. “I was wondering if we could go to Shinjuku? I need to get some shopping done. I still owe you some coffee cups…”

“Sounds good” he said.

The two of you got out of bed and before you knew it, you had eaten breakfast and were on your way to Shinjuku. Ijichi was kind enough to drive you, and you agreed he’d come pick you up later in the day.

You’d gone into a few shops, but nothing had struck your fancy, so you hadn’t bought anything yet. You were just enjoying your time out with Nanami. That’s when you noticed a familiar, tall, white haired figure in the crowd.

“Kento?” you squeaked.

“Hmm?”

“I think Gojo is here” ever since that day at the hospital, you hadn’t been able to call him by his first name. Not that you really needed to anyway, you weren’t together, nor were you even in contact at all anymore.

You’d been doing your best to avoid him and it seemed he had done the same, and now you just happened to run into each other. It was like the universe was giving you a giant middle finger. You tried to move so Nanami was between you and Gojo, so he wouldn’t see you.

Gojo didn’t notice you at first, he just saw Nanami, but he of course wanted to say hello to his colleague. It was quite crowded, so Gojo didn’t see you until his hand was already almost on Nanami’s shoulder. When he saw you, he froze, his hand just hovering a few centimeters above his colleague’s shoulder, before he pulled it back.

“Oh, hey” Gojo muttered.

“Satoru, I almost lost you in the crowd, you walk too fast” Ava said, as she appeared from behind him.

“Sorry baby, I just wanted to say “hey” to Nanami and… (Last Name)”

Ava’s eyes widened as she realized who you were. She’d heard about you from Gojo, she’d seen your grave, you were supposed to be dead. That’s what she’d been told, that’s what her fiancé had told her, but here you were.

“Oh. Nice to meet you (Last Name). I’m Ava, Satoru’s fiancée” she said with a beaming smile, while hanging onto Gojo’s arm, offering her hand for you to shake.

“Nice to meet you too” you said, shaking her hand, trying your best to smile back at her, but it felt awkward.

That’s when Gojo noticed it. You were holding Nanami’s hand. He felt an ember of anger flame up in his chest for just a second, but that was enough for you, Nanami and Ava to notice the spike in his cursed energy fluctuation. However, you were the only one who noticed what he was looking at when it happened. He quickly quelled his anger, but it was already too late.

“Oh screw you” you muttered under your breath, before turning away and rushing off.

“Haven’t you done enough damage?” Nanami questioned with an angry tone. “They’ve gone through enough”

Nanami took off after you, leaving Gojo just standing there, confused, with an annoyed Ava still hanging onto his arm. As Ava tightened her grip on Gojo’s arm, he could already basically hear the argument that was going to happen as soon as he got home with her. It was his own fault really, he hadn’t told her about you being back. He wasn’t even sure why he had even done that. It’s not like he had feelings for you anymore, right? His body just reacted, a spike in cursed energy meant absolutely nothing.

It didn’t take Nanami long to find you. He knew your favorite sweets shop was nearby, and that’s where he found you. You were just wandering amongst the shelves, muttering something to yourself.

“Are you alright?” Nanami asked, placing a hand on your shoulder.

You placed a hand on top of his and just sighed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to run off. He just makes me so mad, especially when things like that happen”

“I know, beautiful, I know” Nanami sighed.

“You felt it too, right? How his cursed energy spiked when he saw us holding hands”

“Are you sure that was the reason? I know he’s immature and arrogant, but surely not to that extent” Nanami said.

“I told him he moved on like I was nothing, when he came to see me at the hospital. Now he must think I’m worse, because it’s only been six months since I came back and I’m already with you” you rambled.

“If he has a problem with us, he needs to come out and say it” Nanami stated sternly. “He’s not allowed to get angry about how you moved on and with who, he doesn’t have that right anymore”

“I know, but I still feel like shit about it” you sighed.

“How about we buy some of your favorite sweets and go back home?”

“Home huh… Sounds good to me” you smiled tiredly.

Even that little encounter with you had made Gojo feel like his head was going to explode. Now with Ava complaining at him, it was even worse.

“Why didn’t you tell me they were alive?!” she hissed loudly as she paced back and forth in front of him.

“How many times do I have to tell you: I don’t know!” Gojo groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he sat on the couch.

“How do you not know something like that!? You consciously decided to lie to me about this, so how do you not know?!”

“I-I just don’t! Okay?! Could you stop fucking talking, your voice is giving me a damn migraine…” Gojo yelled, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth.

“Wow” Ava scoffed in disbelief. “You know what? You can go back to that bitch for all I care” she hissed venomously, before marching out of the room.

“Fuck” Gojo sighed, and laid down on the couch.

He could feel the migraine coming on and now he felt like shit about yelling at Ava too. Gojo didn’t understand why it was such a big deal, it’s not like he’d been seeing you behind her back. Hell, he hadn’t seen you a single time since that day at the hospital, so why did it matter? Why did you matter? Why did he still care? You had gotten so upset at him for moving on during the four years he thought you were dead, and now you had moved on with someone else in six months.

He just needed some sleep, right? He would just wake up from this nightmare the next morning and the past four and a half years would all turn out to have been a bad dream. You would be there next to him and he would never have to even think about you with someone else again. The thought made him feel guilty. He was with Ava, why was he still thinking about you? Why was he always thinking about you?

[samandcolbyownme]

Sam had been focusing too much on working that he had ended up neglecting his relationship. You guys had planned to go out on a movie dinner date weeks in advance and already had dinner reservations set, he is too busy working to realize that the reservation was 30 minutes ago. Should you have reminded him? Yes. But you also feel like you shouldn't have to because if he cared then he would've put his work aside for a few hours to spend time with you. ANGSTTTTT but also fluff or smut at the end, dealers choice 😏

Warnings: Slightly angsty, strong language, reader breaking down, crying, yelling, suggestive language, kinda sad but happy ending

Enjoy!

══════════════════

Sam has missed reservation times. He’s been late to pick you up sometimes. He’s even had to cancel last minute, but you understood. For the most part, at least. You knew he had deadlines to make, people to update, plans to make, and flights to book.

Once the number of times he’s practically bailed on your reaches double digits, that’s when you really started to get mad. His reasonings, you’re sure were valid at the time, but you would get so mad you thought it was a bullshit excuse, so that just made you pissed.

You said something, you had a long talk one night, got on the same page again and everything was good, almost seemed better.

But only for a short while until things started to gradually trickle back into its cursed routine. You’d say something to him again, then it would just repeat the cycle. Back to square one with it. Finally, maybe after one or two more times, you gave up on what you felt like you just wasting your breath.

One night, while you’re laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, Sam comes in after edited his one video for hours of the day. You feel the bed dip down and his body slides up against yours.

“I made us reservations at the Mitz, they couldn’t get us in until three weeks from now, so figure out what you want to do before or after and we can do that.”

You stay silent for a second before speaking. Your voice is in a very low whisper, “You promise?” He kisses your shoulder and nuzzles his head into your neck, “I promise. I’m sorry I haven’t been with it lately.”

“You and Colby have been busy. I get it.” You roll over to face him, “I guess.. I just feel like you forget I’m here sometimes.” He shakes his head, “I’m sorry I make you feel that way.” He kisses your forehead and you close your eyes, “I love you.” He rests his forehead against yours and lets out a quiet sigh, “I love you so much.”

Over the last three weeks, Sam and Colby surprisingly didn’t have much going on, so it worked out in everyone’s favor. You and Sam pretty much stayed home, and when he did edit, he made sure to include you.

Which is why, when that certain Thursday evening rolled around, you were absolutely crushed. It felt like, in a weird way, a betrayal. It really wasn’t that deep, but to you it was.

You scoffed as you hear the front door open, rolling your eyes as you look to the small clock on your vanity.

07:30 PM - 30 minutes past your set reservation time.

You drag the makeup wipe down your face, wiping away the hope you had painted on earlier in the evening. You can feel the burn growing in your eyes as you try not to cry.

You may think that two times isn’t bad, but it’s not really about the amount of times it’s happened. It’s more about how Sam doesn’t realize it’s happening. He doesn’t put up a fight, he just gradually buries you under all of his paperwork.

You hear him making his way up the steps and you know in your heart that it’s not going to be good. You take a deep breath, wiping over your face one more time with a clean wipe.

“So guess where Colby and I get to go next month.”

“Hmm?” You hum lowly, but loud enough for him to hear. You keep your stare fixed on yourself in the mirror in front of you. Sam walks closer and you feel every muscle in your body tense up.

You really didn’t want to fight with him - again.

“What’s wrong,” He asks, laying a hand on your shoulder. You were so mad at him, his touch only made the urge to cry even harder to fight back. You shake your head, “N-nothing.” You stand up, “I think I’m just gonna go get a bath and then go to bed.”

You grab a clean change of clothes and before you walk out, it’s hits Sam. He lets out a sigh, “Oh fuck.” You turn around, “Congratulations.” You give him a fake smile, “You figured out what’s wrong.”

“Y/n.” Sam calls out but you walk away. He follows after you, “Waitwaitwait.” He grabs your arm, pulling you towards him, “I am so.. so… sorry.” You tilt your head back resting it against the wall as you let out a slight laugh, “It doesn’t matter Sam.”

You look at him and his face falls, “W-What do you mean by that?” He stands up a little straight as you just simply shrug.

He shakes his head, “No. don’t say it. Please.” You chew on your lip as you feel the tears well, “I’m not..” you quickly swipe away the tears dripping down your flushed cheeks, “I’m not leaving, Sam. I just..”

You let your hands fall to your sides, and you just crack, spilling all of your emotions, “I need more, Sam. I-I know. I know that me getting upset over dates might be silly, but they’re important to me, Sam.” Your voice cracks and you look into Sam’s glossy eyes, “You’re everywhere, Sam. But you’re not here.”

You sniffle, voice cracking quietly, “And it’s hurts.”

He scrunches his nose and nods. You blink and the tears fall, “I shouldn’t h-have to be the one to remind you, fuck Sam. I shouldn’t have to remind you.”

“You’re right.” He mumbles quietly as he nods. You look up, sighing, “I do not want to end us, Sam. Please know that.” His hands slide to your waist, but you speak before he can, “We need alone time. We-we need time to just be a normal couple sometimes.”

You bring your hands to your eyes and just sob.

Sam pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you as he whispers how sorry he is, “You are the most important thing to me, okay?” He presses his lips to your temple and you nod, mumbling, “Mhm.” You’re trying to get your crying under control as Sam continues, “I’m so sorry I missed tonight, baby.”

He sniffles and that makes you cry harder, “I’m sorry.” You sob out and Sam cups your cheeks, “Hey.” He raises his voice slightly, catching your attention. He raises his brows and leans in, his voice calm, “You don’t ever need to be sorry about anything, okay?”

You nod and Sam shakes his head, “You did nothing wrong, okay? I deserve to be called out on my bullshit. You did the right thing.” He kisses your cheek, “You’re my number one priority, from here on out I promise I’m going to prove it to you every. Single. Day.”

You smile slightly and you feel yourself gradually calming down, “I just didn’t want do make you mad.” You sniffle out, gasping out for air because of how worked up you had yourself.

You were slightly embarrassed, but Sam really doesn’t seem like he’s judging you at all. He laughs slightly, “Trust me, it would take you doing something a lot more stupid than getting upset over me being a dumbass to be mad at you.” He smiles and rubs your cheek with his thumb, “I love you.”

You smile, looking up at him, “I love you, too.” You lean in, pressing your lips to his and you feel him smirk. His voice is quiet against your lips as he mumbles, “Is this a bad time to tell you that Colby and I want to bring you on to the channel. Take you with us on every investigation?”

You lean back, looking up at him, “What did you just say?” He scratches his forehead, “When I got home, I was going to tell you that Colby and I were talking and we both agreed that when you’re on investigations with us, they turn out so much better than when it is just us, so with that.. we did a little poll thing in XPLR club and it turns out that the fans want you to join us. just as much as Colby and I do.”

You stare at him for a few seconds before you gently push his shoulder, “you couldn’t have just led with that, babe?” You laugh, “I embarrassed myself infront of you for absolutely no reason.”

He shakes his head, “First off, don’t be embarrassed. Second off, you calling me out on stuff that bothers you shows me you care enough to communicate with me, and I honestly cannot tell you how much that means to me.”

You bite down on your lip, “You might not be able to tell me, but I think you just might be able to show me.” You raise your brows as you look up at Sam and he smirks, instantly lifting you up against the wall, “Where to?”

You smile, “Take me to bed.”

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Thank you so much for reading! As always, let me know what you thought! I love you all! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[punkpandapatrixk]

💓Heartbeat Disco ☆ Timeless Tarot Guidance

Elements/Signs in this reading are calibrated to all aenergetic placements. Feel free to read as many Elements/Signs as you feel called to at this point in your spiritual evolution♡

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Are you feeling this aenergy of a Higher Romance that’s been pouring unto Earth this year? Earth’s temperatures are finally changing and so many Destined Lovers are going to find each other in the coming decades. I hope you’re excited for that for yourself~ You might just get a heartbeat disco this year and I hope that gets you enjoying Life and Love all over again! ☆

Fated encounters? Honest romance? Love that doesn’t leave you guessing? What’s coming to you in Love within the year you’re seeing this reading?! I hope your happiness is here to stay finally~♪

☆♪°・. aenergetic companion PAC ☆♪°・.

[PAG Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for 🐞Fire Signs – Gold Astrologer (Simon Forman)

Page of Cups, 8 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles

This year, Fire Signs, you are going to meet very interesting people that will make your heart flutter. This isn’t just about romance but a real sense of human connection that makes you understand, finally, that good people really do exist. And you’ll be glad you never lost hope in people—at least, not entirely XD The people you’ll be encountering are either younger than you in age or they simply exude a joyful and optimistic aura. These people are going to pull you into their worlds—their worlds are very exciting. You just need to know that you, too, have a place in those worlds.

Up until now, you’ve lived under the impression that you’d never amount to anything. This was all a mind game though; perhaps your society made you believe that someone from your country or background would never be able to be where you dream to be; perhaps you were gaslit since childhood, being made to believe that you’re worthless; perhaps there were many evil whispers about your power and talents. All’s a mind game. You’re getting out of that fuck-fog; you’re seeing your true worth now and you have been magnetising your Tribe.

This year—whatever year you’re finding this reading—you’re on the fast track towards your Soul Tribe and that place you belong to. On this new land, on this new landscape, you will be sharing positive aenergies and ideas with people who are similar to you not only in character but also in dreams and ambitions. For the first time ever, you will truly know what it feels like to have a ‘family’. And this family is so much better than you could’ve ever imagined~🍀

Oracle Guidance for Fire Signs🔻❤️

🐏Aries – Priestess of Prosperity

🦁Leo – Priestess of Luxury

🎠Sagittarius – Priestess of Luck

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for 🐍Earth Signs – Red Alchemist (John Dee)

3 of Cups Rx, Queen of Cups Rx, 8 of Wands

Wow, seems you’ve been through some betrayals up until this point. It could also be a feeling of being disappointed in people—people or communities you thought had your best interests. For quite a while now, I think you’ve been in a purging phase. Ridding yourself of attachments and expectations that no longer served your highest good. It seems to me this year you’re still gonna be in that phase. This year is probably your last leg of the purging process though.

This whole being isolated, being alone, keeping to your own, learning to care for your mental health, has been necessary as part of your growing up. This is integral to your character/story development. Your Higher Self (and likely your ancestors, too) wanted to shield you from outside forces—vampiric forces—that would’ve drunk from your aenergy constantly, leaving you mentally drained and exhausted.

This year could be your last year of being alone in that sense—or maybe some time beginning next year. Your new chapter of better communications and better connections with high-quality people is only beginning to unfold. It hasn’t even started yet, dang. So keep going and be expectant for what’s to come. You have high places to go and powerful/inspirational people to meet. Your glorious days are yet to come, babe~🥂

Oracle Guidance for Earth Signs🔻💚

🐂Taurus – Priestess of Ritual

🧘🏻‍♀️Virgo – Priestess of Opulence

🐐Capricorn – Priestess of Inspiration

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for ⛲Air Signs – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

Knight of Cups, 9 of Wands Rx, Knight of Wands

Have you been wishing upon a star for a healthy Love? Seems like lately there’s been a love song in your heart <3 Seems like your Higher Self is announcing the advent of someone special this year hahah Of all the Signs, Air and Water seem like they’re going to be having the hardest heartbeat disco LMAO A destined encounter is very likely to happen for Air Signs this year. I sense you’re on the trajectory of a Soul Mission. I know you’ve been having signs and synchronicities. Your Spirit Guides have been giving you premonitions~

You’re seriously coming out of a karmic loop where in the past relationships were always taxing on your emotions, and simply, difficult/confusing to navigate. You’ve done all the inner work now. Starting this year, it’s like you’ve transported yourself into a different timeline altogether and you will start meeting very important Souls throughout the next chapter of your Life. In what ways are they important? All ways! You’ll know when you meet them! The excitement in your heart will tell you what purpose each Soul is meant to serve in your Story.

Some may lead you towards your Life Purpose; some may really carry you through the storms so you get to your Life Purpose; some may work with you as part of your collective dharmic Life Purpose. The scenarios vary but the people you will begin to meet starting this year are those that will make you fall in love with Life and yourself again. For some, romance may not seem all too close this year because you’re really working on your enterprise, but that surely can come later, right? XD

Oracle Guidance for Air Signs🔻💙

👯Gemini – Priestess of Intellect

⚖️Libra – Priestess of Illumination

🏺Aquarius – Priestess of Enchantment

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Heartbeat Disco for 🐝Water Signs – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

4 of Pentacles Rx, 4 of Swords Rx, 5 of Swords Rx

Ready to mingle, Water Signs? :D Y’all seem to be the peeps who are most ready to re-enter society LOL You’re the ones who have been most disciplined in your healing and transformation. I sense this is especially the case if Water is your Moon or Ascendant! And to some extent, if Water is your North Node or the NN is in a Water House. Anyway, you’ve done such a marvellous inner work all by yourself, isolated from society and some of you have probably been dealing with curses and financial misery and whatnot. You’ve been keeping your chin up tho! The time for you to get rich, mingling, and be of assistance to others is NOW!

If you’ve not been able to go out or work regularly or even hold a decent conversation with anyone, soon you’ll see that you’re coming back to your healthy self. It’s your psychology that you’ve been working so hard on fixing and healing. This year is the end of all your spiritual struggles. You’re coming into your authentic power, your authentic expression. You don’t care anymore and you won’t be easily triggered by what used to depress you so much before. You’ve won this WAR against frequencies that were trying to destroy you from the inside!

I’m actually seeing bombs raining down on whoever tried to mess with you up until recently XD All of the bad karma, all of the negative thought-forms formed against you are firing back at their generator(s). You’re safe. You’re on calm shores now. And moving forward, you’re going to be surrounded by new friends and family who are going to be so supportive as well as protective of you. Congratulations! Love is in the aethers for you! Claim it~ Aaaahh! <3<3<3 Happiness is the most potent revenge on those who wished death upon your Light!

Oracle Guidance for Water Signs🔻💛

🦀Cancer – Priestess of Healing

🦂Scorpio – Priestess of Solitude

🎏Pisces – Priestess of Love

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAG Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[halfwayhearted]

So this is a first request! Could you maybe do a trent alexander arnold flick based on ‘in a good way’ by faye webster and it’s just super fluffy and cozy ☺️ Thanks!

In A Good Way — Trent A. Arnold.

Pairing: Trent Alexander Arnold x Fem!Reader

Summary: He quite literally loves you tremendously, and just knowing that makes you want to cry (in a good way).

Word Count: 545+

Disclaimer/s — Major OOC Trent probably, but honestly like, can we just vibe… please… just vibe…

A/N: This one’s for all my baby girls. I see your comments ladies, and they make me smile. I’m lurking and I’m stalking when you least expect it. Bea, this is for you!

You were utterly convinced this man was perfect.

It was the anniversary of your one-year together. One whole year you’d been with your boyfriend, and you wanted nothing more than to see those numbers grow. He did everything for you, he’d do anything for you. And you’d for sure do the same.

Closing your umbrella and entering your small apartment, you’re about to call out for him when the sight of flowers is practically shoved into your face, making you laugh. “Hey! Trent! Space.”

“Hi,” he greeted, “I picked these up for you.”

Slipping off your soaked shoes and hanging up your umbrella, you glance up at him with a bright smile. “These are beautiful. You remembered?”

Trent furrows his eyebrows, “Did I remember? Of course I remembered. Do you remember?”

“I do remember. It’s crazy, isn’t it?” You pause. “I’m glad you were persistent. I’d be missing out.”

“Yeah? What would you be missing out on?”

Your first thought was to tease him. “Hm… I’d be missing out on a man who can’t stay quiet.”

His lips part.

“Or... I’d be missing out on a man who’s overly competitive about a game that doesn’t actually matter who wins in the end. Oh! Maybe even—”

“Okay, I get it. Are you done now?”

“I’m just kidding! I love hearing you talk. I love that you like ‘Uno’ so much that you’re even willing to spend a night sleeping on the couch after being nothing but a sore loser. I love you.”

“I don’t think that was as sentimental as you had hoped for,” he said, “But I’ll take it.”

“Really? Wish me better luck next time, I guess.”

With a laugh, he leans in for a kiss, his warm smile spreading to your lips. “Uh-huh, well, I have plans for you. Or, I have plans for us.”

Pulling back, you ask, “Plans? Which consist of?”

He moves to stand behind you and gently grasps your waist. “Close your eyes. Oh, is that for me?”

“Hey, focus. I’m eager, I’m eager. Gifts later.”

The next second, he’s guiding you somewhere you should probably recognize, but you don’t, thanks to the loss of sight. Then, he stops. “Okay... don’t open yet. Hold on.” The feeling of his hands leaving your body makes you frown.

The pitter-patter of his feet is heard before they come to a complete halt. “Open—okay, now.”

When you open your eyes, your expression falls at the sight before you. Sweet, cute decorations now adorn your once pristine kitchen. Candles are flickering, dinner is prepared, and gifts are arranged on the table. You feel like you could cry.

“When did you…” you trail off, “When did you even find the time to do this? This is, wow.”

Trent gives a lopsided smirk, “Do you like it?”

You could cry. You could cry. You could cry. “This genuinely has me on the verge of, like, tears.”

“What, you don’t like it? Is it too much?”

A soft, loving smile graces your lips while you move toward him, your arms wrapping around his body instantly. “It’s perfect. I love it so much.”

“Good, good,” he mutters into your hair, his arms around your neck loosely. “Happy one-year.”

Happy one-year. Insane, really. “Happy one-year.”

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated ^_^.

DT(s) — @planetpedri + @spidybaby ! ౨ৎ

[katuschka]

Pierrot Sleeps

Josh Kiszka x f!OC/reader

/friends to lovers/

8.036 words

I dedicate this one to everyone who needs some healing...

Pierrot sleeps, silently He’s dreaming next to me Painted black tear, on his soft face And the sweetest lips; they never speak to me My Pierrot sleeps (Barbora Mochowa – Pierrot)

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): heartbreak, unrequitted love, pining for a friend, breakup, friends to lovers, slow burn, sweet Josh, kissing, fluff, smut: petting, oral sex, vag. sex, a few allusions to a suicise of a minor character (in the past), briefly mentioned attempted suicide (retrospective), depressive thoughts, expressive language, bad weather

You can also view my Masterlist, join the Taglist or listen to Pierrot Sleeps Playlist 🎶

At least it stopped raining… eventually.

Josh had expected there would be morning fog, so the fact that the world around them was shrouded in a thick blanket of clouds did not surprise him. Not only was it just as the forecast predicted, but he had been even looking forward to it. Foggy woods looked dreamy at this time of year. They’d have the best time, surely, and he could take a lot of pictures... 

He however did not expect to be woken up by heavy rain drumming on the roof above them, and – on top of that – a whole half an hour before the alarm clock was supposed to rouse them. Too early to be happy about being awake, and too little time left to go back to sleep. Had it been the fall morning sun shining right into his face, he wouldn’t say a word. But rainfall? That didn’t go according to the plan. 

He had been warned though, and despite his own nature, he chose to believe the technology instead. 

The initial rhythmic patter only grew in intensity and it soon sounded as if the cabin was built right under a waterfall. That, together with the obtrusive light coming from the screen of his phone, finally woke her too. She didn’t make herself known at first. She listened silently for several seconds to the downpour growing stronger and waiting for his reaction with malicious glee. She was rewarded pretty soon, and his loud, annoyed grunt made her chuckle. 

“Told you…,” she mumbled from under the cozy blanket sleepily, suddenly hopeful that they’d just stay inside, sipping sahlep in front of the fireplace. She would eat almond truffles and he could have his dried apple chips, or whatever. Maybe they could even try to play a game of chess. Josh had been telling her that he didn’t have the right brain for that, but she was adamant; and determined to teach him. His annoyed face, illuminated by the light blue light, however told that it probably wasn’t the best day for that. Again. 

They had been both really looking forward to the trip, so she wasn’t even sure why she suddenly felt almost glad that their hiking plans might be ruined. The prospect of getting wet and numb with cold didn’t appeal to her at all, but it usually didn’t stop her. And when it did (When the heavens literally opened just like that morning), she’d be pretty pissed off for being forced to stay inside. Not this time though. Not when she was enveloped with the warmth and the scent of him. And that was something she had been looking forward to even more.

They shared the bed, just like many times before, just like friends often do. The cabin had two separate bedrooms, but it didn’t even occur to them to part their ways for the night. Not when the whole point of this trip was not to be alone. That would be silly. 

And just like many mornings before, she closed her eyes again in a pretense of having fallen back to sleep just to revel in the morning smell of his body close to her for a little bit longer. But he wouldn’t be fooled by her closed eyes; being already quite familiar with her breathing patterns. 

“Yeah, you did, weather girl, but let’s not get discouraged, yeah? The…the app says it’ll be over in an hour. So, we’re still on schedule. AND it also says there might be some sunlight by midday, and so does the radar… Hey, hey, wake up! Tea?” 

“Coffee!” she huffed in exasperation. After all that time, he still kept trying. Coffee’s bad for you, blah blah blah… And maybe he was right. Just look at him! Fit and bubbly, filled with sunshine and energy right from the moment his eyes opened to greet the new day. Even when he was hurting, he always mustered enough energy to fill every room with light and love. As long as there were other people willing to share the moment with him, he was ok. Meanwhile, she felt like Gollum, torn between love and hate for the things that kept her (barely) functioning. Not just coffee… him, too. Her precious. She kept pursuing him, seeking his presence, while hoping that one day, she would be free, while not really wanting to. It was always the worst on mornings like this one, when she almost had him in her grasp, and then he always slipped out, because he was never hers. 

She watched him fumbling for his clothes in semi darkness, pondering. Sleeping just in his briefs right next to her never seemed to faze him, and the thought always made her heart sink. Maybe he didn’t like the way she looked, so he never considered those moments to be overly intimate. That’s fine. But didn’t it ever occur to him how much she loved his body? Probably not. They were such good friends, after all. Right? Truth be told, she really tried her best to hide the truth from him. There were so many things to say, but she never did. 

‘Come back to bed.’ What a simple request; one that people often say in situations like this one. ‘Come back to bed and just be with me. The world can wait…’ Yet she couldn't. She had no privilege to ask that. 

Such good friends. That’s what everyone kept saying: ‘You two are such good friends.’ Everyone except Jake; that nosy, observant asshole. He mentioned his suspicion just once, and then abandoned the topic forever after she made it VERY clear that she didn’t want to discuss it and threatened to cut his balls off if he ever mentioned that to Josh.

They had been so close from the very start – she and Josh – despite the fact that they were from two seemingly different worlds. Or maybe because of that, because he seemed to deliberately seek the company of the people who didn’t care what he was. He didn’t have to pretend anything in front of her; she just let him be himself, even when it was not always nice or flattering. She loved all of him. 

Yeah, she did. She loved him. And she knew she would from the moment she first saw him, when he ran into the coffee shop she worked in to hide from the rain... 

The bell chimed, and she looked up, together with several other people, all of them surprised by the sudden commotion that disrupted the serenity of that lazy afternoon. He literally fell through the door, giggling awkwardly before he looked around, beaming and taking everything in, like a child in a toy store.  

Are you familiar with those cheeky and extremely cliche movie scenes when the hero sees the object of their desire for the very first time and everything suddenly turns to slow motion? So melodramatic and stupid, very stupid indeed; so stupid they use it mostly in parodies these days. And yet, it’s also exactly what happened to her when her eyes first fell on the dampened halo of his messy curls. What a tiny, beautiful, ethereal man. He looked like an angel on vacation, dressed in pale jeans and a simple white long-sleeved shirt. Quite ordinary. It was the long string of beads around his neck, almost like a rosary, that made him look out of this world. But nothing could prepare her for the feeling that swept through her and he finally looked at her. 

When she was very little, maybe two or three, she had a very strange dream once. The sun fell from the sky, landed on their street right next to their house and she watched, quite mesmerized, how it rolled behind their windows like a huge fiery balloon. She was too small to know that the sun was literally just a ball of fire, and yet that’s exactly how it appeared to her in the dream, except “her” sun didn’t have more than two meters in diameter and it didn’t scorch anything. That strange and bizarre dream left such an imprint on her young and expanding mind that it eventually became one of her core memories. Then, as years went by and adulthood hit her with brutal force, she almost forgot about it. 

Until he appeared. 

He introduced himself as Josh without even being asked, ordered matcha tea and then he took a barstool by the counter right opposite to her, because she was the only person in the whole room willing to talk to him; everyone else was staring at their phones or laptops and just minding their own business. 

And it was SO easy talking to him, despite the fact that she was completely and utterly smitten with him, which usually tied her tongue in similar situations. Not with Josh. They talked for only half an hour about nothing important, but it was enough for him to unknowingly etch himself in her brain and gut. 

Then he finally picked Josh up, just when the rain stopped, and they left together, seemingly forever. 

Her mind was still full with the images of him when she went to bed that day, and he even materialized again as a drunken memory in her dreams. Her conviction that she wasn’t destined to have people like him in her life made the apparition both sweet and distant, but destiny never prevented anyone from having dreams about it, right? His existence seemed almost unreal the morning after. He became a vision – and an illusion – of a better world where people were actually nice to one another. Like a character from a favorite comfort book: someone who never really existed, but it was still nice to imagine.

Then, five days later, Josh came back. 

He stayed for three long hours, as if he had no responsibilities in this world except for filling it with his contagious laughter. He ordered a whole pot of oolong and charmingly voiced his desire to pester her for the rest of the afternoon. When she asked why, his answer was simply ‘why not.’ That’s what the places like the one she worked in were for, and she shouldn’t get excluded, he said.

So they talked again, pausing only when other people came to take their order. They talked about poetry and cartoons and favorite sweets (she loved almond truffles!). She told him about her early childhood and a grandmother who could bake heavenly pastries, and he shared funny stories about his brothers and praised the wit and beauty of his sister. 

There were times when such stories would make her feel miserable, but his own tales filled her with hopefulness. He exuded so much love and light no doubt because those people he talked about had always been there for him. If only she hadn’t failed to be there for her sister when she needed her the most. People kept telling her that it wasn’t her fault, but their words fell flat. Convinced that she should have known, she almost followed the same footsteps. They just found her in time…

Back then she told him that she was an only child. 

The next time, Josh came back with a small bag full of almond truffles, which he traded for her number. And so they slowly became regular friends, with their lives gradually intertwining even outside of that coffee shop. 

Days went by, then weeks. Slowly, she learned all about his passions and dreams, and nothing about his job. Then one day, just before Christmas, a group of people asked for a picture and he had to come clear afterwards. Nothing shocking in Nashville, It just made her admire him even more, and he couldn’t get mad when she finally told him her truth. Months passed by and finally there were no more secrets, even though her initial childish idea that he must have fallen from the sky was crushed. 

At least she wasn’t surprised when he disappeared for months. 

He often said ‘I love you’ and sometimes she imagined how it would feel if one day he’d mean it in a way that would make her skin tingle and cheeks burn. But that was not to be. The meaning was reserved for someone else, because he belonged to someone else. Plain and simple. They were so in love. Even through the veil of her jealousy, she could see the pure miracle of it. Everything Josh did seemed miraculous. It kept breaking her heart in the most peculiar and strangely addictive way. 

He was always there for her as a dear friend, but never as someone who could keep her warm at night. He was unavailable. 

Until he wasn’t. And yet…

He called her around two am that night, crying so hard he couldn’t even talk coherently. She wasted no time; having thrown just a long cardigan over her pajamas, she ran out the door, jumped in the car and headed straight to their… to his house. 

They snuggled together in his bed, and she kept holding him tight until he finally relaxed and fell asleep. And when she woke up a few hours later, feeling his limbs wrapped around her body and his hot breath on the exposed skin of her shoulder, she looked up at the ceiling and her heart broke in a thousand little pieces once again. So this was how it felt… and she was destined to experience it only when they both felt like that, only not for each other… His touches during waking hours kept whispering ‘I’m glad’, but never ‘I yearn’. 

He mewled suddenly, no doubt tormented by some disturbing dream, and grip around her only tightened. She turned to her side and hugged him back, watching his peaceful, doll-like face and listening to his light snores that made his parted lips quiver ever so slightly.  

“Why didn’t you call one of your brothers?” she asked once he finally opened his eyes and, seeing her face right in front of his, greeted her with his sweet smile, even though it was short lived. 

“You don’t judge me…,” he mumbled after a while.

“Your brothers don’t judge you either, silly! I know that, and so do you.”

“Yeah, but…I guess I needed a hug, and not just having my shoulder squeezed. Besides, they…they have their own people and, uh… other creatures to take care of...”

Ouch…

The truth is, he had tried to set her up with other people in the past, oblivious to the fact that the only one she wanted was him. So she kept lying to him, making up reasons why the dates and hook-ups never did work out. Even when she ended up in bed with them – and some of them were really good – it never made her want to see them more than just a couple times. 

She had been like that even before she met him, to be honest. Men and women had come and gone, and her heart had remained closed, save for a few youthful infatuations. Her resolve not to commit to anyone only strengthened after what happened to Shania. Then one day, Josh appeared with a golden key, forced it in the lock and occupied the tiny space ever since, unaware of what he really did. 

And the reason why she always tried to hide it the best way she (physically) could was because she was too grateful for what she already had in him. Such good friends… The risk of ruining it all was too great and too foolish. Because, by being there for her as a friend, he had already helped her more than she could possibly imagine. He had danced into the darkness of her dreary life and brought sunshine into it. She had a wonderful friend in him. The fact that she loved him romantically was just a minor snag. Maybe, just maybe, if she had known him sooner, she wouldn’t have to keep hiding the scarry reminder of forecast days on her wrists. But for everything there is a season…

… and fall is perfect for hiking. 

So was the summer after he left, and so they – Josh and her – took advantage of every opportunity to spend it together in nature… or at least in his garden. Because, in spite of all the bad things happening, one could always rely on nature to be beautiful and welcoming, at least for now. 

Josh’s busy schedule and constant traveling blessed him with the mercy of having his mind occupied, so that he wouldn’t have to think about the breakup so much, but everytime he got home – even when it was just for a few days – he kept seeking her company as well as her hugs, because his house suddenly seemed too big and silent and scary, and his brothers naturally wanted to spend the valuable time with their own significant others. 

After that first, painful night, falling asleep in each other’s embrace became at first a frequent occurrence, and later almost a habit. Their movie nights, Sunday outdoor trips or late night garden picnics often ended that way. Lying on a blanket under a cloudless sky and pretending they could actually see any stars, they cuddled more often than not as the temperature dropped. He cried a few more times in early June, but after a while it just became a pleasant habit. Josh was never the person to shy away from physical contact, so it felt completely natural to him. It was always innocent, too, with their hands never wandering to any inappropriate places. A few times she could feel his lips brush against her locks – feather-like kisses that never touched the skin – but that was it. It always left her hungry for more, and the hunger kept growing… 

The smell of coffee and vanilla coming from the kitchen put an end to her reminiscing, as it made her stomach rumble and pulled her mind back into the physical reality of the cabin. She finally managed to drag her lazy body out of bed and, after a short stop in the bathroom, followed the smell and the sound and the light, like a curious cat. 

Josh was not a fruit loop guy and she was not allowed to eat that shit either, at least not under his watch. In consequence, their days spent together also meant that she was eating properly for a while. 

She found him standing by the stove, making oatmeal with raisins and swaying to some unknown tune he was humming. She caught just a few words, something about bed and needing to touch again, and immediately wanted to go back, because damn! He was reading her mind. 

Her footsteps made him stop and turn around, greeting her with his radiant smile. Snap. Another beautiful picture for the photo album of her mind. Having been blessed with an excellent memory, she often used it as an internal polaroid, taking snapshots of the beauty of the world to browse through when old. She, however, cheated with her stills of Josh, replaying them in her mind every time she was alone in her own bed. 

“Finally! I thought I’d have to drag… you’re doing it again!”

“Doing what?” She couldn’t help but to reciprocate the toothy smile. 

“You know what!” He threatened to pat her head playfully with the stirring spoon, making her duck down so as not to have chunks of hot oatmeal in her hair. “Save some space in that fancy brain of yours for the wonders of nature. Today’s gonna be EPIC!” He swung the spoon epicly towards the milky blue nothingness outside the window. 

“It’s still raining, Josh.”

“Mmmm, not for long, I’m tellin’ya. Now grab that mug before that bitter shit gets cold.” He nearly overturned the cup of coffee with the large spoon and she snatched it out of his reach just in time to save the valuable fragrant liquid. He turned back to the stove, chuckling. “Gonna serve this heavenly manna in a sec, so take a seat, mademoiselle,” he added playfully in a low voice. “Cinnamon?” 

“Yeah, why not. Just a pinch.”

“As you wisssssssh… Here comes the sun, little daaaarling, here comes the su-un, and Iiiiii saaay…”

Moments like these often made her mind and body dissociate. The body was drawn to him, yearning to hug him from behind and bite at his exposed earlobe, while the mind knew her place was at the table, where she was told to patiently wait for the breakfast to be served, while admiring his beauty from a respectable distance. The mind always won. Their new-found closeness, however exciting and really borderline intimate sometimes, had its boundaries. 

He was right. The rain stopped eventually, so they packed their bags with all the necessities they might need for the whole day outside, and together they entered the misty world of barren bony branches, orange leaves and hidden horizons. It was already almost 8 am when they left the warm confines of their rented cabin, but the landscape remained shrouded in early November murkiness. They walked for at least an hour without speaking, the ubiquitous mist still unwilling to dissipate. 

“It’s almost like a completely different planet, isn’t in,” she finally broke the silence. 

“M-hm,” was the only response she got. She honestly often preferred it that way, being able to get lost in her own thoughts and daydreams, but that very rarely happened when Josh kept her company. His need to share everything that was on his mind – which was usually a LOT – could often be quite overwhelming. It also never failed to entertain everyone around him, because the vastness of his mind could compete with the plains on Mars, and it was just as untamed.

The fact that he was suddenly so unusually taciturn made her a bit uneasy. Something was wrong. She already noticed it the night before, and thought it was only understandable, given the recent events. She was devastated as well, thinking about Shania again, and how it would break her heart if she hadn’t chosen to make it stop beating willingly. 

But then they talked quite openly about that and he returned back to his normal, radiant self as soon as they climbed in their shared bed. Now she had that nagging feeling once again… as if he was hiding something from her. Something was different. 

“Are you still sad?” she asked tentatively. 

“About what?” His tone was wary, making her uncertain whether she should even continue or just let it be. Alas, her nosy nature prevailed.

“The breakup.”

It took him a few seconds to respond, clearing his throat and kicking a few pebbles first. She’d swear she could sense a brand new kind of tension in the air, but she couldn’t really  put her finger on it. It was almost just a split second.

“No, not anymore. Sometimes at night, when the house is quiet, I feel a sense of melancholy, you know? I guess I’m just not used to being alone. But I welcome the feeling, really. I think I wrote my best lyrics feeling just like that. And…” And he kept on talking. On and on and on.  She asked a simple question and he could have provided a simple answer, but after three minutes of babbling, just when his mind somehow wandered to Sam’s ravioli, she suddenly stopped in her tracks and started laughing. The bitch was back, as he himself would say, although that was not really it. He sensed her worry and just wanted to do anything he could to disperse it. 

“What?” He really tried to frown at her accusingly, but failed miserably, the corners of his mouth twitching. 

“It’s just… you could have just said ‘no’, but I admire the lengths you go to prove that you’re not.”

“Keep mocking my eloquence, love, and you’ll regret it, I tell ya!” Already a few steps ahead of her, he started walking backwards, pointing his finger at her menacingly. 

“Josh, be care…”

“FUUU…ouch!”

“...ful… Moron!”

 Of course he stumbled over an exposed tree root and fell right on his butt. Thankfully, he managed to land in the middle of a small heap of wet foliage instead of stones or worse – down the steep slope adjacent to the path they were on. She offered him her hand with an exasperated sigh and helped him get back on his feet, feigning anger – anything to hide how much that one word reverberated inside her ribcage. Love…   

“C’mon! Don’t be mad. My ass is damp and freezing now, so it’s fun, yeah?” Once back on his feet, he grabbed her shoulder for support in order to regain balance and smiled reassuringly to wipe that frown off her face. To no avail. No, it wasn’t exactly fun, and seeing his beautiful eyes so close only made it worse. She stared back into those dark beads before her gaze slid down to his lips that he licked just a moment ago, and the chilly mist filling her lungs suddenly felt like water, together with a totally unwelcome wave of arousal that swept through her body. She was genuinely mad all of the sudden, but only at herself. 

“You’re an idiot, Josh.” She let go and stormed up the path, forcing him to speed up to catch up with her. 

“Y/N, hang on… why are you so angry?”

“You were literally just a few feet from breaking your leg… or something else!” she spat in response and with her eyes set on the path ahead.

“No, I wasn’t. And nothing happened!” Josh raised his voice just a notch, his own anger growing. They were side to side again and he finally forced her to turn back to him. She tried to fight it, she really did, but in spite of her efforts to behave reasonably, she could feel her eyes prickle again, threatening to betray her. 

“It’s been almost five years since she jumped… in November…just…stop scaring me like that, ok?” Her voice quivered under the burden of her sudden deliberate machinations. What she said was true, but it wasn’t the real reason why she felt so upset at that very moment and she felt bad instantly for using it as an excuse. That was completely unfair to both of them. 

Josh’s features immediately softened and he pulled her in for a tight hug. “I know… sorry,” he whispered, and she melted into his touch, no longer caring how she “deserved” it. They remained like that for almost a minute before he commanded that it was time to move if they didn’t want to return back after dark. 

The rest of the morning was spent more or less in silence once again, interspersed with occasional casual chit chat. As the path grew steeper and more stony, pale patches of light cerulean blue began to show up through thinning low clouds, making them both hopeful. The air temperature grew gradually milder, too. “The inversion season’s finally here! Yay!” he exclaimed with childish enthusiasm – one of many things that kept people drawn to him like moths to a flame. It seemed just impossible not to love him. 

They reached the ridge – their final destination – just around midday, and just in time to step out of the clouds that still hung low in the surrounding valleys. It felt like reaching the sky, with the ridge and a few surrounding rounded peaks looking like floating islands in the midst of a foamy ocean.

“Aaaah, this is beautiful!” She tilted her head back, letting the sun warm up her damp cheeks. 

“Told ya,” he smiled softly and she expected him to continue teasing her, but he seemed unnaturally quiet and serene once again. Pulling his camera from the bag, he took a few snapshots of the misty sea below them. They watched the clouds roll by slowly for a while before he spoke. “I used to dream about telling stories through pictures...” 

She knew all about his old passion, but she also thought he was exceptional at what fate chose for him eventually. “You do tell stories Josh. You help people paint their own internal landscapes.” 

“Do I…”

“Of course you do!”

“So I believed. Pictures, words, soundwaves, doesn’t really matter, that’s not my point. I mean,.. I wasn’t really telling the… the truth yesterday. I am scared…I mean, not for myself, not really, but…I don’t…I guess, sometimes things are just destined to remain broken no matter how hard you try, you know…I’m mostly heartbroken, really.”

She wasn’t really sure where this was going. Having been familiar with his insecurities for quite some time, she knew too well that he was sometimes too humble for his own good, but he hardly ever sounded that defeated. “Well, you know…how was that line…’Take your broken heart and make it into art.”

“But what’s the point?”

And just like that, with a snap of a finger, the temperature dropped, making her shiver. Speaking to the world through art was the core of his whole existence and she’d rather die than watch him doubt the importance of it. 

“Josh!”

“Y/N!”

His feeble attempt to mock her sudden urgent tone annoyed her, but definitely not enough to stop her from trying to prevent him from going down that gloomy path. “Listen, asshole! Stop with the bullshit, ok? You believed we’d have sun today. And look! I absolutely needed this, and would have missed it if it weren’t for you. And MANY people feel the same, because you inspire them, so cut that defeatist crap or else I’ll smack it out of you!”

He looked at her as if she had already really slapped him in the face, but his shocked and astonished expression slowly morphed into a soft and grateful smile. “Thank you, Y/N.” 

“WELL YOU’RE WELCOME!” she responded with an unnecessary theatricality, unwilling to abandon the angry pose just yet, just in case. “Now give me this, because I think you need to see what I see.” She snatched the camera out of his hand and took a step back so that the viewfinder showed exactly what she wanted to capture. He, however, started fumbling for a phone in his jacket, completely ruining the shot. 

“No, let’s take a selfie,” he said when he finally found and unlocked it.

“Selfie? You? Since when have you been taking selfies?”

“I DO from time to time.” He looked almost offended, pouting at her like a defiant child. Sighing exasperatedly, she finally agreed to it, stepping closer to him, letting him wrap his arm around her shoulder.

“But you need to look into the lens Jo…” On the display, she could see him looking sideways at her, his eyes slowly tracing the contours of her profile. His jaw clenched and she could no longer finish the sentence. Instead, she slowly turned her own face to meet his gaze. He lowered his arm, snaked it around her and she held her breath, barely conscious of his other hand slowly finding its way to cup the nape of her head just below her ponytail. Dreamily, she watched his lips growing closer to hers until they met and she could swear her heart stopped. 

He tasted like apples. 

It was soft and tender at first, his pouty lips just brushing over hers like the wings of a butterfly. She leaned into it and invited him in, and soon they could taste each other properly, with their tongues entangling and dancing around languidly. She turned deaf and blind, but acutely aware of every cell of his body she could reach and taste and caress and devour, and getting high on it, her head spinning more and more with each passing second. 

When they finally parted and her sight returned, they looked at each other and even though neither said a word, they could both see the same question in each other’s eyes. 

What now…

The entire walk back into the cabin was spent in silent anticipation. The way he held her hand was completely innocent, even with their fingers intertwined… 

The contents of their minds, not so much. They didn’t dare to speak about it just yet, in fear that they might jinx it. She kept replaying it in her head, over and over again. The feeling of his soft lips on hers still lingered and her insides twisted and turned with the primal need for him to do it again. It was just as strong as thirst, and much more overwhelming. 

As the hour grew late, even the valleys were now sun-soaked. The world joined them in their silence and only the rustling of gravel and foliage under their feet disturbed the unearthly peace. Having kept her eyes on the ground, she looked up when they left the shadows of trees behind them and set foot on the vast clearing that separated them from their cabin… the fireplace… the bed… The road to it was blinding, as the late afternoon sun turned the distant horizon into silver ribbons, making them squint. She squeezed his hand involuntarily as her heart freaked out again, and he responded by stroking her knuckles with the tip of his thumb. The lust was palpable, making them both alert like lonely puppies just before hearing the door knob turn. 

Having avoided the topic for a few long hours, the tension between them only grew when they reached the cabin, only to be replaced with a sense of panic and uncertainty when they stepped inside. 

“So…”

“Are you hungry?” She interrupted him, before he could say more. Please say yes, so that I can cook us dinner and... 

“Not really, no.”

“Me neither.” She was fidgety, biting her lip, scratching her arm nervously, looking up at him and then averting her gaze repeatedly. 

“Y/N… we don’t have to…”

“I want to!” she blurted out and then sank her teeth in her lower lip again. 

Ok… calm down baby, let me…follow me…” he offered her his hand and slowly led her into the bathroom. 

They stripped each other slowly and then they kissed again. He turned on the shower and she bashfully stepped under the streaming water next to him. He pulled her closer and kissed her some more, while tracing the outline of her shoulders with his fingertips. Only then he dared to venture lower. 

His fingers brushed over her left nipple before he cupped the whole breast gently in his palm and she could swear it felt like he was cradling her very own heart in it instead, making her hold her breath. His eyes were lowered the whole time, watching his own actions intently and attentively, almost apprehensively, waiting for her reactions and receiving none. She was frozen with illogical fear. He looked up suddenly, making her head spin. “Tell me what you like,” he whispered. 

“Everything.” His brows shot up in question, so she clarified: “I like everything about this, Josh.” 

She meant it as encouragement, but it wasn’t helpful at all. He cleared his throat nervously and stroked her arm gently, from her shoulder all the way down to her elbow. His eyes once again followed the motions of his hand. “I wanna know everything about you.” This time he wasn’t talking about her life or soul. He already knew almost everything about that, after all those hours and hours spent talking and daydreaming together. Her body, however, was an unknown instrument, and he was desperate to learn how to play it well. 

Feeling wanted, and with all the newfound courage she could muster, she cupped his cheeks and kissed him with long suppressed passion, pausing only briefly to ask him back. “Can I learn everything about you, too?” 

“Please! You must,” he whispered against her lips, while she wrapped her fingers around his full-blown erection and started stroking him tentatively, making him moan in her mouth. Encouraged, she tightened her grip and quickened her pace. He gasped, breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead against hers instead. “You learn quickly, baby,” he whimpered, leaning with his outstretched arm against the tiled wall behind her. She kissed his flexed bicep in response and slid down on her knees in front of him, but he only shook his head and pulled her back up. 

“You don’t want that?” she asked, confused. There was a hint of hurt in her voice, so he pulled her in an embrace and kissed her wet hair as the water kept pouring down on them. 

“Just the idea of your lips wrapped around my dick tells me it’d be very quick… and I don’t want that. Let’s take this slow, yeah? Let me…” 

She let him take the lead and his lips went on a journey. They traced the edge of her jaw when he shampooed her hair and she tilted her head in delight. This new intimacy could only be described as ecstatic. Everything turned into a blur. She was just barely aware of him wrapping her in a bath towel, and she couldn’t remember how they got in bed. It was his tongue licking a stripe up her inner thigh that made her acutely aware of her surroundings once again. She gasped in surprise when she felt his hot breath on her wet pussy. Looking at her daringly, he hovered just an inch above it, the tip of his tongue resting on his upper lip tellingly. “May I?”

She swallowed harshly to relieve her parched throat. “I want you fuck me, Josh. Please.”

“And I will… but let me make you fly first.” Without any further ado, he darted his tongue between her folds and she arched her back as if struck by electricity. After a few more teasing licks, he wrapped his lips around her clit and started sucking gently, with his velvet tongue drawing slow circles on the underside before it started fluttering rapidly over the whole bud. Soon he sent her into orbit, just as he promised. She was still shaking and gasping for air when he swiftly climbed up her body and positioned himself in between her legs. 

Once inside her, he could no longer keep it slow. He let out a deep guttural groan and, as if a bolt of electricity shot through him, started thrusting into her with newfound virility. She wrapped both her arms and legs around him and pulled him even closer to her, almost afraid that he would float away and dissolve in midair if she stopped holding him tight enough, just like he always had done in her dreams. Even her own mind never allowed her to feel like this, so how could this possibly be real? After all that time. It felt too good to be real. His hands cradling her head, his own loud moans so close to her ear, urgent and melodic and almost lewd, all in one. With his elbows on each side of her head, and his lips brushing against her earlobe, she felt enshrined under him. It was overwhelming, it made her head spin as if high on oxygen…which she probably was. Unable to control her wildly beating heart and her quickened breath, she was barely conscious of that pleasant feeling he was stirring deep inside her. It didn’t even matter. She arched her back again and shivered as his singing grew louder. She could come just from listening to him. 

The skin on his back under her wandering hands, warm and velvety at first, soon turned damp and sticky from exertion, as his movements grew even more frantic and wild. She tilted her head back and cried out when he hit her cervix particularly hard… and he stopped. 

“What…” she asked dreamily. 

“You’re so tender and soft, I don’t wanna hurt you.” His face was hovering mere inches above her, as he was searching for more cues. Still inside her to the hilt, the blissful feeling of her velvety walls caressing his cock still lingered and it took all his will to keep himself from moving momentarily. His hips jerked involuntarily and she responded by deliberately tightening around him, making him hiss. 

“You’re not hurting me,” she mumbled, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t even know if I ever felt this good. I’ve been waiting for this for so long…” Her own words made her freeze. She opened her eyes again and looked at him, frightened. His own expression was somber and almost unreadable. Oh god, you stupid cow, why did you say that? 

“How long, Y/N?”

Please, don’t make me ruin this even more, Josh. Just go on, just let me feel this at least once… 

His eyes never looked more beautiful. He kept looking down at her, searching for the answer. She knew she should say something, but the sudden lump in her throat made her only gasp for air as she tried to fight off the tears. Stupid, unstable bitch!

It seemed that he took mercy on her. Instead of pushing the subject, he leaned down and pressed his lips on the pulsing point under the skin of her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed in delight, waiting for him to resume the previous pace and make her mind go blank once more, letting her dream about her sun before the real one would come. 

He remained still though. His dick twitched inside her, making it known that he too wanted more, but he wasn’t merciful enough. And he wouldn’t let it go. 

“How long, Y/N?” Josh whispered once again against her skin. Each syllable was like a kiss, soothing. He left a physical trace of his words along her jugular, smoothing the gravity of that question mark with the tip of his nose. There was a new kind of urgency in his voice. At last, as if really reading her mind, he finally moved inside her once again, rolling his hips slowly as if to say ‘I’m not going anywhere’, encouraging her. 

“Since the first matcha tea,” she sobbed and he tried to soothe her nerves with yet another slow and deep thrust. But it was no use, the dam that had been holding her pent up emotions broke. He pulled out and lied down beside her. She missed him instantly but had enough dignity not to beg. She expected him to get up and leave. Instead, he pulled her closer and patiently waited for her to calm down. Only then he spoke.

“Y/N, he left because he…he thought that I liked you a bit too much. And, uh, after I called you and you came to me that night, I realized he might have been right…”

Josh was crying, he was yelling, he even tried to beg eventually, as the warm spring breeze coming from the open window suddenly felt like a winter gale on his exposed skin. He kept repeating ‘what does it mean, what do you mean…’, only to be told that it was up to him to figure it out. ‘But I love you!’ Josh cried some more, and it was met with silence for the first time.  ‘I can no longer say it back,’ he broke that silence after a while, and Josh’s hopeful eyes veiled with even more tears. ‘I wanted to be the only one. I’m not an idiot, so I beg you to stop treating me like one. Goodbye, Josh.’ 

And once again, Josh’s words were met with silence. The only difference was that she wanted to scream it back. “I’m so sorry,” she said instead after a long minute. “I didn’t want to be the reason for his leaving.”

“Y/N…” he inched closer and buried his face in her still damp hair. “You weren’t. I was. Didn’t you hear me?” 

She did, but her self destructive mind chose to ignore it. His cryptic might-have-beens couldn’t penetrate the armor that she had spent long years building. Thankfully, he knew her well enough to realize his mistake. Enough of all this beating around the bush. 

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear and this time it made her skin tingle and her toes curl. 

His caressing hand traveled from her shoulder down the middle of her chest, where he could feel the fast rhythm of her wildly beating heart. Her eyes were closer and she lay unmoving, except for her hand that wrapped around his fingers, stopping them momentarily. “I’m sorry babe, I just had to say it,” he continued. “And since you…”

“I love you more than life.” Her own words startled her, as if something fell down with a crash. Without waiting for him to make another move, she pulled his hand down to her wet pussy and his middle finger slid inside with ease. 

It quickly made him hard again. She spread her legs, inviting him back in. He shifted just a bit, with his head still resting next to hers on the pillow. She turned towards him, threw her leg around him and he entered her again just as their mouths reconnected again in a hungry, sloppy kiss. 

It was slow this time, but no less intense, with their senses heightened by the recent revelations. They were making love. She kept her eyes open, watching how his own rolled up and he moaned loudly with his tongue still swirling around hers, their parted lips barely touching. She could feel a second orgasm building soon and her breathing quickened, turning her own moans into short, high pitched gasps, making him hiss when her fingernails dug deep into his skin. 

Suddenly, he shifted and straightened, sliding his knees under her legs and grabbing her hips possessively. “That’s it baby, one more, go on, let go,” he urged and started thrusting into her with a new force that made her thighs tremble. She looked up and her jaw slackened at the sight. Her sweet and radiant Josh looked almost demonic in the twilight. He was watching her too, with his jaw clenched and his brows furrowed and glistening with sweat. 

“Harder,” she cried out and he obeyed, hissing and baring his teeth as he tried to hold on a little longer. Then suddenly, she could feel it snap and her whole body tensed, making him groan as she squeezed him inside her. A few more deep strokes before she could feel him falter. “Fill me up,” she whispered and her eyes widened. He placed his hand between her breasts, bent his head down and let out a long, high pitched whine, his body jerking erratically as he spilled inside her. Then he collapsed on top of her, panting. 

Josh

She looked like an injured doe, you know? So lonely and abandoned behind that counter. The room was full of people of all sorts, but – as it often happens – nobody paid attention to the things that desperately needed all the attention in the world. So I stayed a while – even though I didn’t really have to – watching her face brighten up, growing more and more beautiful with every passing second. I knew she had it in her.

Someone ordered an irish coffee and she had to grab a bottle of whisky from the upper shelf. That’s when I saw the scars on her wrists, and the shadows behind her deep blue eyes suddenly made perfect sense. 

There are millions of people on this planet who are hurting and I’ve always believed that nothing happens without a reason. When I was younger, I wished I could have saved everyone, but that’s impossible. There’s only so much burden one can bear. But I believe that every wounded soul has their person somewhere. A sibling, a parent, a friend, a lover… Someone willing to share the load. Sometimes they don’t find each other in time, otherwise the world wouldn’t be full of tragedies and tears. Sometimes you don’t choose it. It just happens. And sometimes, you fuck up in the process. Colossally, even. I’m painfully aware of the fact that I did, too. But everything happens for a reason. 

I just had to go back…

I can't imagine how it is To be forbidden from loving (ah, ah) 'Cause when you walked into my life I could feel my life begin And then I learned the truth How everything good in life seems to lead back to you And every single time I run into your arms I feel like I exist for love Only for love (Aurora – Exist For Love)

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @josh-iamyour-mama @lyndz2names @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @cheersdannyx2 @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @gretasfallingsky @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @psychedelectable

[brbsoulnomming]

WHERE NOBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME

For: @sharpbutsoft

Relationships: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson

Rating: Teen

Wordcount: 14.9k

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, mention of alcohol and financial exploitation of child stars

Tags: Famous Steve Harrington, Bartender Eddie Munson, Alternate Universe - No Upside Down (Stranger Things), Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Has a Crush on Eddie Munson, Snapshots

Summary: A drop dead gorgeous man walks into The Hideout one night while Eddie's bartending, and Eddie's absolutely determined to flirt with him. What follows is snapshots of the two of them growing closer and closer, all while Eddie's absolutely oblivious to the fact that Steve's secretly one half of the famous pop duo Scoops Troop.

This fic is a part of the @steddieholidayexchange

-----

The prettiest man that Eddie has ever seen walks through the door of the Hideout, and Eddie damn near drops the glass he was rinsing out. It's not like their town's small enough that Eddie could actually recognize everyone in it, and the Hideout gets enough business that Eddie doesn't know everyone who comes in, but still, he was not expecting to get hit in the face with that kind of handsome on his shift tonight.

Sure, the nearby resort is a particular favorite among the wealthy elite - Eddie even heard there was one douchebag pop singer who booked the entire place for two weeks in the spring, apparently just so he wouldn't have to associate with any other guests - but they usually stay on the resort. It's rare for any of them to venture out into the town itself.

Pretty boy is wearing a dark blue polo with Hawkins Hope in Action stitched in yellow across his shirt pocket, which Eddie definitely does not notice purely because he's admiring the way it stretches across his chest. He takes an empty seat at the bar, pushing one hand through his hair as he scans the chalkboard specials they've got on display.

"You think it's as soft as it looks?" Chrissy asks, nudging him with her hip as she joins him in absolutely not just staring at the guy from the backroom.

He huffs out a little laugh. "I think you've got a better chance at me than figuring that out, Chris."

Still, he's fully prepared to head out there and try on at least a little bit of charm, until Jeff comes up next to them.

"I think Chrissy should head out there for a while," he says.

Eddie turns to fix him with a betrayed look. "What? Come on, man, I said Chrissy had a better chance, not that I had no chance."

Jeff nods towards the guy. "Look at him, he's all on edge."

And it's true - the guy's perched on the bar stool like he expects to have to bolt at any minute, and he's started to hunch in on himself like he's trying to take up as little space as possible.

It's kind of sad, actually, which unfortunately doesn't make him any less cute.

"So?" Eddie asks.

"So you know I love you, man, but you can be kind of a lot," Jeff says apologetically.

Eddie gasps, whirling to face Chrissy. "Can you believe this?"

Her nose is a little crinkled, lips turned down the way she does when there's a hard truth she doesn't want to tell him. "You're not always the most soothing presence," she admits.

He lurches back dramatically, hand over his heart. "Complete and utter betrayal, from my own best friends no less."

Jeff pats him on the shoulder. "You'll get over it."

"You can talk to him next time," Chrissy offers.

Which, considering pretty boy is probably staying at the resort and not going to come back, is small consolation.

But, well. He's probably staying at the resort and not coming back, so Eddie guesses he really isn't losing out on much by not getting to talk to him.

At least he can enjoy the eye candy.

He keeps an eye on them at first, only partially because of said eye candy - Chrissy can handle herself, but if the guy is going to be the typical resort douche, Eddie won't hesitate to come back her up. Pretty boy starts to relax a little the longer he's there, though, and Chrissy's doing the genuine smile she does when she has a good customer, so he doesn't worry about it.

By the time the guy leaves, Eddie's heard the sound of them laughing a few times.

"His laugh is just as pretty as the rest of him," Eddie sighs to Chrissy as they watch him leave.

"His name is Steve," Chrissy replies. "He works for that charity that's booked the resort this weekend for a fundraising event."

"That explains what he was doing here," Eddie jokes. "I knew we wouldn't see a resort guest slumming it at the Hideout."

Chrissy rolls her eyes at him, but she doesn't disagree. "They work with kids in the foster care system," she says mildly. "They put on camps and events and things for the kids to come to, do fundraising to get money to support them. He spends most of his time with the kids.”

Eddie groans. “No, come on, that's not fair,” he whines. “Handsome and a pretty laugh and he works for a charity and it's for foster kids and he's likes spending time with them? He's gotta have some flaws. Maybe he's actually terrible with kids, maybe they all hate him.”

Chrissy giggles. “Maybe he leaves his wet towels all over the floor.”

Eddie nods. “Maybe he sings off key in the shower and it's awful and he won't stop.”

Chrissy gives him a little shove. “Well, Steve says they've booked the resort for a few camps and events throughout the rest of the year, so you'll have plenty of time to find out.”

“If he comes back,” Eddie points out.

“Oh, I have a feeling he'll come back,” she replies.

—

Steve comes back.

It's just him behind the bar tonight, with Gareth and Grant back in the kitchen, so Eddie spends a moment quietly collecting himself before he heads over.

Eddie shoots him a smile. "Hi."

"Hey," Steve returns, smiling at him in return - though it seems practiced, nothing like the soft, warm smile Eddie'd seen him give Chrissy when he left the other night.

Ouch.

"Chrissy's not working tonight," Eddie says, trying not to let his disappointment show.

Steve's face scrunches in confusion, a little furrow between his brow that Eddie has the immediate urge to reach out to try to smooth with his thumb.

What is wrong with him? He's usually way better at not letting customers get under his skin.

"Thanks for telling me?" Steve says, the end of the sentence raised up in a question like he's not quite sure he's giving the correct response.

"Just thought I'd let you know, in case you came back in hoping to see her again," Eddie says.

Steve's expression smooths out. "Oh. Nah, I just really liked the… atmosphere…"

He trails off, clearly aware of how what he's saying sounds, but Eddie makes a point of scanning around the bar anyway - it isn't empty, but it's not exactly crowded, either, occupied mostly by small groups who stick to themselves or solo patrons who are more interested in their drinks than engaging in conversation with other customers.

No one's paying the slightest bit of attention to them.

He cocks an eyebrow as he looks back at Steve, and now the smile he gets is a little less practiced, a little more genuinely pleased - maybe even a little teasing.

"Exactly," Steve agrees. "What's not to like about a place where nobody knows your name?

Eddie barks out a little laugh. "Not nobody," he returns. "It's Steve, right? I'm Eddie. What can I get you?"

He calls Steve's order of onion rings back to Gareth, then grabs a glass to get his beer.

"So, Chrissy said you work with the charity that rented out the resort?" he asks. "What do you do for them?"

Steve lights up a little at the question, which, unfortunately, makes him even prettier.

"I'm the activities director," Steve replies.

Eddie raises his eyebrows as he sets Steve's beer in front of him, inviting him to continue.

“I plan all the stuff for the kids to do at camp,” Steve clarifies.

His eyebrows go even higher. “That sounds exhausting.”

Steve huffs out a little laugh. “Sometimes,” he admits. “But I don't, like, personally do all of them. Some of the other staff will take lead on things that interest them - like Nancy does journalism and writing workshops, and Lucas picked up basketball, Jon does photography, and Robin's doing film watching and analysis. We actually do a lot of partnerships, too, get people to come in and do guest spots leading activities for like a week.”

Right, Eddie's pretty sure he heard that Hawkins Hope was a celebrity sponsored charity. Makes sense why they're able to afford using the resort for things.

“So what do you take lead on, then?” Eddie asks, mentally hi-fiving himself for finding an effortless way to ask Steve about his interests.

He's pretty sure it doesn't go unnoticed, because Steve blinks at him for a moment before he gives him just a little bit of a smirk.

It's a good look on him, though, so Eddie doesn't mind one bit.

“Swimming,” Steve replies. “Mostly lifeguarding, if we're somewhere on the water, and I do lessons. Baseball in the summer. Ice skating in the winter. Music, sometimes. Cooking. I'll pretty much fill in whenever I need to.”

Eddie's not surprised that the majority of those were sports, but it does mean he flounders a little bit in the next step of his plan - find a common interest and get his flirt on. He's a decent enough cook, but it's not exactly something he does for fun. Which means he's got one option left, and he latches onto it eagerly.

“What kind of music?” he asks.

Steve watches him for a moment, like he's waiting for the punchline. Or waiting to be judged, maybe - maybe the guy only likes Top 40s and is used to being looked down on from guys wearing Dio t-shirts.

And all right, Eddie might judge him a little - but only teasingly, and only if he knew him better. So he just waits, hoping he looks as genuine as he means to.

“I'm not picky,” Steve says finally. “I can find the merit in just about anything. It's not about the genre to me - it's about how the song makes you feel, if you can connect with the lyrics or if the music stirs some kind of emotion in you that you didn't even know was there.”

Oh.

“I get that,” Eddie says.

“Yeah?” Steve asks.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “Like - it's not what I usually listen to, and it's not what people expect, but my mom loved Bluegrass and country. I hear it now and it makes me think of her. I still end up singing Hazel Dickens or Loretta Lynn when I clean the kitchen, makes me feel like she's there with me.”

And there's that soft, warm smile that Eddie'd briefly seen him give Chrissy - only now it's even worse because it's directed at him, and it keeps lingering.

“Yeah,” Steve says again, but this time it sounds like you really do get it.

“So, it, uh, sounds like you like what you do,” Eddie says.

“I love what I do,” Steve agrees. “What about you?”

Eddie shrugs. “Can't complain. I get a lot of freedom here, actually. I'm the one that comes up with most of the drinks on our specials list.”

That's usually the most he goes into it, but Steve's still looking at him, so much less closed off than he was when he first came in, and he leans in like he's interested.

So when Steve asks him to tell him more about it, Eddie does. How it's not what he thought he'd be doing after high school, but then, he hadn't really given a lot of thought to much of anything after high school while he was still there, too busy just trying to graduate. How he likes the people he works with and the Hideout itself, how much fun it is coming up with his own drinks, how he's gotten to the point where he can figure out the best drink for someone before they even know what it is themselves.

And all right, he'd maybe been bragging a little, maybe said that with just a little bit of a cocky smirk to see the reaction he gets, but he's still a little bit surprised when Steve picks up on it and gives it back.

“Yeah?” Steve asks. “Do me, then.”

Eddie smiles at him, pleased. “What's the first cocktail you order when you go somewhere new?”

“House special,” Steve replies immediately, shooting him a little smirk.

Eddie gives him a look.

“It's true!” Steve insists. “I can get an old fashioned or a margarita anywhere, but the house special is usually something unique.”

Eddie considers that. “What's your go to drink if you're making yourself something at home?”

“Lemon drop,” Steve says. “They're my best friend's favorite, I learned how to make them for her. It's the only drink I can pull off that isn't just popping a can of beer or pouring a glass of wine.”

Eddie hums. He already knows Steve's taste in beers, so - “Red or white wine?”

“White in the summer, red in the winter,” Steve replies.

“Whiskey or tequila?”

“Whiskey.”

“Apple cider or hot chocolate?”

“Apple cider.”

Eddie manages to fire off questions like that for a while, and Steve even plays along when he asks him something that clearly has little to do with his drink preferences - though Eddie is absolutely ready to spin a tale about how it's vital to know if someone is a summer or a winter person for flavor choices, and being a romance or a horror fan will tell him how adventurous they are if Steve questions it.

Steve doesn't call him on it, though he does raise one eyebrow and give him a little smirk at each one, which leads to Eddie dropping into his explanation, anyway.

He wants someone to appreciate his brilliance.

It makes Steve laugh, warm and a little surprised, like he hadn't been expecting it. “Does that excuse work?”

“I don't know,” Eddie admits. “I haven't tried it on anyone else. What do you think?”

Steve hums, eying Eddie up and down in a way that, ridiculously, makes Eddie want to hide behind his hair.

“Yeah,” Steve says. “I could see it working. Depends on how good your drink ends up being.”

That gets Eddie back on more confident ground, and he points dramatically at him. “Prepare to be wowed.”

Steve's an autumn person who likes apple cider, whiskey, and action films, so Eddie makes him a spin on a whiskey highball with ginger ale, apple juice, and cinnamon simple syrup.

Steve takes one sip and immediately looks delighted. It's far from the first time that Eddie's gotten that reaction, but coming from Steve, well.

Eddie doesn't want to say that it makes his whole week, but it kind of makes his whole week.

“This is amazing,” Steve says. “You do this all the time?”

“Eh, just when I feel like showing off,” Eddie finds himself saying, which is true but is definitely not what he wanted to admit to.

Steve's finally looking reasonably relaxed, though, so he can't bring himself to regret it.

“I hope you know you've set yourself up for having to do this every time I come in,” Steve tells him.

Eddie grins. “I'm holding you to that. Better not see you getting drinks from one of the other bartenders here,” he teases.

He's joking - really, he is - but when Steve laughs and agrees, well.

Okay, maybe he kind of means it.

—

It's Eddie's day off, but he's at the Hideout anyway.

He'd feel more pathetic about that if it weren't for the fact that it's Jeff and Gareth's night off, too, and they're also at the Hideout.

It's a slower night, so they're just sitting at the bar drinking beer and heckling Grant while the regulars ignore them and their antics. Or, well, he and Gareth are heckling Grant - Jeff is shifting back and forth between taking their side and taking Grant's, claiming neutrality with a gleam in his eyes that says he knows exactly what he's doing.

Even though he's not working, Eddie still looks up on instinct when the door opens - and then grins when he recognizes Steve.

He flings himself around the other side of the bar, ignoring Jeff and Gareth's surprised exclamations, and very heroically manages to not immediately wave Steve over. He plans to wait until Steve's come to sit at the far corner of the bar, then slide on up to him, but - Steve sees him and immediately makes a beeline to grab a seat in front of him.

Oh.

“Hey, Eddie,” Steve greets with a smile.

“Hey, Steve, what can I get you?” Eddie asks.

“I don't know.” Steve raises an eyebrow at him, expression almost playful. “You're the expert, right? What can you get me?”

“What is happening right now?” Gareth asks, immediately squashing the little thrill Eddie'd gotten at Steve's words.

“What's happening right now is that I'm trying to serve an actual paying customer, so why don't you two go find a table to sit at and shoo,” Eddie grumbles at him.

“Come on, Gar, let's quit bothering Eddie,” Jeff says, pushing away from the bar and tugging Gareth with him.

Fuck, Jeff is Eddie's favorite forever, he's going to owe him -

“Eddie's apparently decided to throw in a little free labor for us tonight,” Jeff calls back as they saunter off towards an open table.

Never mind, Eddie hates him.

Steve's brow furrows, and he looks up at Eddie expectantly.

“It's my night off,” Eddie admits.

“Eddie!” Steve chides.

“It's just one drink,” Eddie protests.

Steve rolls his eyes at him. “Uh-huh. What if I wanted more than one drink, were you going to hang out here all night?”

“Maybe,” Eddie grumbles.

Steve laughs at him, but it's soft and - well. It might just be Eddie's wishful thinking, but it sounds almost fond. “Go hang out with your friends. You can get me next time.”

Eddie sulks for a moment - like they're friends, like Steve is scolding him over a stupid decision and Eddie's whining at him about how it totally makes sense, really.

Wait.

“Come sit at the table with us,” Eddie says. “I can give you recommendations on what to order.”

Steve hesitates. “Your friends won't mind?”

“Nah. They love heckling me, so I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it. Come on, it'll be fun.”

Despite his words, Eddie's actually a little nervous that Steve won't get along with Jeff and Gareth, or that the tense, rigid way Steve had held himself when he first came to the bar will come back, but by the time Steve's two drinks in, he's folded almost seamlessly in with the three of them.

Jeff and Steve like the same baseball team, apparently, and he gets Gareth talking about ice skating in a way that makes him light up - a way that might make Eddie a little jealous, if Steve didn't keep catching Eddie's eyes and smiling at him.

Steve even gets a couple of their Lord of the Rings jokes, though he admits he hasn't read the books himself, just picked up on some things from the kids he used to babysit. The way he talks about this Dustin kid makes him sound more like a little brother than anything else, and it's really sweet.

Shit, he's probably not terrible with the kids. Maybe Eddie better hold out hope for the wet towels or the terrible shower singing.

It's probably pretty damn late when Eddie hears the door open, and glances over. The man walking in is unfamiliar, but he's looking around the bar with a sense of purpose that makes Eddie grimace.

“We're all up to date on our liquor license and everything, right?” Eddie asks in a low voice.

Jeff frowns at him. “Of course. Why?”

“Check your ten o'clock,” Eddie says, purposefully adding in a little flair like he's a spy operative keeping an eye out for the enemy. “He's just screaming off duty cop.”

Both Jeff and Gareth crane their heads to look, leaving Eddie to sigh internally, but Steve plays along, tipping his head in towards Eddie like they're sharing a moment.

Steve's face is so close to his that he can feel the soft puff of air on his cheek when he breathes out, can see the whites of his eyes as his gaze flicks towards the door. Then he grins, and Eddie can see the way it makes his eyes crinkle at the corners.

Fuck, Eddie should be ridiculous around Steve more often.

“Retired cop, maybe,” Steve replies. “He's here for me. I, uh. I must have missed my curfew.”

Eddie looks back over at the guy, who must have spotted Steve, because he's making his way towards them.

“You still have a curfew?” Eddie teases.

“Shut up,” Steve says, but his smile hasn't faded.

“No, it's cute,” Eddie says. And honestly - it is. “Your dad is your ride when you've had a few too many to drink?”

Steve's eyes darken briefly. “My dad's an asshole,” he mutters, something cracked and bitter in his tone that Eddie's pretty sure wouldn't be there if Steve was entirely sober. “He wouldn't be caught anywhere near somewhere like this, or me in general.”

Well, shit, leave it to Eddie to open his mouth and accidentally step in it.

“Hey,” Eddie says, bumping his shoulder against Steve's. “Mine, too. Fuck ‘em, right? We're better off without them.”

“Better off without who?” Retired Cop asks as he stops in front of their table.

“Our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad fathers,” Eddie replies immediately, shooting Retired Cop what he hopes is a very charming grin.

It must be, considering Steve is back to smiling, and now he's looking at Eddie all soft and pleased.

Retired Cop grunts in what Eddie is going to optimistically assume is agreement.

“Hey, Hopper,” Steve greets. “This is Eddie, Jeff, and Gareth. Hopper's the head of security for Hawkins Heroes.”

“Among other things,” Hopper comments drily.

Eddie's going to guess those other things include picking up wayward activity directors when they stay out too late.

Steve looks a little abashed. “Sorry, lost track of time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hopper grumbles. “Get your shit and let's get going.”

“Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys,” Steve tells them.

“You kidding?” Jeff asks. “It was great, man.”

“Come back any time,” Gareth agrees.

“I'll have a new drink ready for you,” Eddie promises.

Somewhat foolishly, considering he knows that Jeff and Gareth are going to tease him about that, but the smile he gets flashed at him is well worth it.

“I still gotta settle the tab,” he hears Steve tell Hopper as they head out, but he's too distracted by Jeff and Gareth's smirks to think anything of it.

“Not a word,” Eddie threatens before either of them can say anything.

“Wouldn't dream of it,” Gareth replies, batting his eyelashes at him instead of saying anything.

“Just let me know when you have the drink ready,” Jeff agrees mildly. “We can call it Steve's Special.”

Gareth and Jeff fistbump each other while Eddie rolls his eyes and shoves himself up out of his chair.

He ignores their laughter as he heads over April, who's behind the register at the moment.

“What's my damage for the night?” he asks.

“Your friend already paid,” she tells him.

“Okay?” He frowns at her, a little too tipsy to make any kind of connection between his question and her answer. “I mean, I'm glad he didn't duck out on his tab and leave me stuck with it, but I'd still like to pay mine?”

She rolls her eyes. “No, you moron, he paid for all of you.”

Eddie gapes at her. “He what?”

April smirks at him. “Guy that good looking, and he picks up the tab for you and those two? I'd hang onto him.”

Eddie's pretty sure his cheeks are bright red. He covers it up by muttering, “Son of a bitch. I'll get him for this.”

—

Steve's already at the bar when Eddie arrives for his shift that night, which instantly makes him perk up.

His crush on the guy is probably a little bit out of control, but eh, that's future Eddie's problem. Tonight Eddie gets the pleasure of some very nice eye candy all night, on top of the security of knowing he's going to have an awesome interaction with at least one patron.

Steve's clearly been there at least a little while, since there's a half eaten plate of loaded fries and a beer in front of him, and he's chatting enthusiastically with Grant.

Well.

Maybe chatting is the wrong word for it, now that Eddie gets a closer look at them.

Steve's leaning in, one elbow braced on the bartop with his gaze focused intently on Grant, as if he was the only person in the room. He's saying something in what must be a low tone, considering Grant's leaning back in to hear him. And is that -

Yup, that's a faint pink flush to Grant's cheeks.

Eddie gapes.

"Is Steve flirting with Grant?" he hisses the moment he finds Chrissy.

Chrissy rolls her eyes. "They got into an argument about pick up lines. Grant said pick up lines are shitty and cliche and don't work, and Steve insisted it's not about them being lines, it's about delivery and intention."

"So they're… flirting to prove a point?"

Damn it, why didn't Eddie think of that?

Chrissy's smiling at him, that sweet little grin she gives him when she knows exactly what's going on in his head. "Why don't you go over there and tell Steve where you sit on the pick up line debate?"

Eddie hip checks her, but, well.

It's not a bad idea.

He does go over, if only because he wants to say hi before he actually starts working.

He hears Grant laughing as he gets closer, but it sounds a little strained.

"Hey," Steve says quietly. "I meant all of it, you know. I wouldn't have said anything I didn't think was true. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Or, uh, guy, if you swung that way."

"You're kind of making me wish I swung that way," Grant teases, but there's something sincerely appreciative in his voice that tells Eddie that they'd been talking about more than just an argument about pick up lines.

If Steve could stop being so kind to his friends, that would really help out Eddie's stupid heart.

He tells himself very firmly to absolutely not think into the fact that Steve's apparently okay with guys dating other guys.

Instead, he stalks up to the counter as Grant walks away, pointing accusingly at Steve.

“I caught you!” he informs him. “What, did you think you could hide it from me? That I wouldn't notice? You're in so much trouble.”

Eddie's not sure what he's expecting, but it isn't for Steve's expression to completely crumble. He sags in the chair for a moment, then Eddie watches him visibly pull himself together, straightening up and looking solemnly at Eddie.

“Okay,” Steve says, very quietly. “How do you want to do this?”

And that - completely deflates the wind in Eddie's sails.

“You're not like, actually in trouble, dude,” Eddie tells him. “I just can't believe you thought you could pay our tabs and we wouldn't realize it.”

Steve's brow furrows, then smooths out. “Oh!”

It's clearly a startled little realization, which immediately makes Eddie narrow his eyes.

“What did you think I was talking about?” he asks.

“I, uh. I guess I just wasn't sure what I did to upset you?”

Eddie considers that. It's possible - but Steve hadn't looked confused, he'd looked resigned. Like there was a secret that he was keeping, and he hadn't been expecting to be able to continue to keep it, and he was pretty sure Eddie knowing it wasn't going to be anything good. But what could he -

And then he remembers that he walked over in the middle of Steve flirting with another guy, and clearly implying that he was okay with guys dating other guys, and -

And the first thing that Eddie said was that he caught Steve and he was in big trouble.

Shit.

“It, uh,” Eddie starts, then stops, pausing to think about how he wants to say this. “There's a rainbow flag pinned up at the corner of the bar.”

Steve gives him a tiny smile. “I noticed,” he says softly. “It's one of the things that made me come back here.”

“Really?” Eddie asks, immediately derailed. “It was my idea to put it up. I wanted people to know the Hideout is a safe space, even if it doesn't look like it.”

“It worked,” Steve tells him. “You're a good guy, Eddie, that was a great thought.”

Eddie flushes, ducking his head for a moment before he determinedly gets this conversation back on track. “So, uh, I just wanted to make sure you knew that none of the staff here are going to hassle you no matter what way you swing. Especially not me.”

Steve looks at him for a long moment. “Especially not you?” he repeats.

Eddie swallows, then nods. “Yeah.”

Steve's quiet at first. Then, “Thanks, Eddie.”

Eddie nods again, letting the moment sit for a little bit. Then he shoots him a teasing little grin, tipping his head at the beer in front of Steve. “What you're really in trouble for is getting a drink from another bartender here.”

Steve smirks at him. “Oh, that's not mine. It's Robin's.”

“Robin?” Eddie asks.

“My best friend, the one who likes lemon drops? She came with me today, said she wanted to meet the guys who got me to stay out so late,” Steve replies.

Oh!

Eddie straightens up, looking around. “Where is she? I want to meet her.”

“She was going to the bathroom, but I think she got distracted on her way back,” Steve says drily. He nods over towards where Chrissy is talking animatedly with a girl he's never seen before. “So you might have to wait a bit on that.”

Chrissy's smiling in a way he hasn't seen her do in a long time, which immediately makes him like this Robin girl.

“Guess you're stuck with me until then,” Steve adds.

“Oh, no,” Eddie says, voice monotone. “However will I get over my disappointment.”

Steve laughs. “You can start by getting me a drink.”

Yeah, okay, Eddie guesses he can do that.

He's going to finish the night by making the best impression possible on Steve's best friend, though.

Even if his own best friend seems to have gotten there first.

—

It's D&D night the next time Steve shows up at the bar.

The other regulars are pretty used to it, by now, and seem content to let the D&D crews take over the back half of the bar, but Steve hasn't seen it before. He's not sure when he started thinking of Steve as a regular - can someone be a regular if he doesn't live here, even if he does seem to come in every time he's in town? - but that's beside the point.

D&D nights were Eddie's idea. He'd wanted to do something similar to what he did in high school, give them a safe place to be able to play - only this time, some place fun, where they'd be welcome as adults instead of laughed at for playing a "kid's game." Even the nights when he isn't playing or DMing, he has a lot of fun with coming up with campaign themed drinks.

It's stupid, but he's kind of nervous about what Steve thinks of it. It's not like anything's going to happen with Eddie's crush, but he enjoys it anyway, enjoys Steve's company. It's going to suck if Steve laughs at it.

Steve beelines for the corner of the bar where Eddie's at as soon as he sees him, which makes Eddie smile involuntarily, despite the clench in his stomach when he sees Steve staring intently at the group in the back.

"Is that Dungeons and Dragons?" Steve asks.

"You know D&D?" Eddie asks. His stomach is still clenching, but now it's in a very, very different way.

"Yeah," Steve replies, shooting him a little smile. "Some of my friends play it. We actually used to have it as an activity for the kids, but Mike and Will are at college and Erica had this huge project she needs to finish for school, so it's on hold now."

"Have you ever played?" Eddie asks.

"A couple of times," Steve replies. "I did, uh. The side characters? For the kids a few times. Do you play?"

"Yeah. I used to run a D&D club in high school, actually, and I started D&D night here."

"Dude, that's really cool," Steve says, so genuine that it makes Eddie want to hide behind his hair. "Oh, hey, I know it's kind of a lot to ask, but would you be interested in doing it for camp this week? Some of the kids coming have really missed it. We'd pay you for your time, of course."

Eddie opens his mouth, then closes it again. "You want to pay me to DM a D&D game for summer camp?"

"Yes?" Steve says, like he's not sure why Eddie's in a little bit of disbelief here. "Only it's October now, so not summer camp anymore."

Right, because that's the unbelievable part.

"You know what? Sure. Do you want a one shot, or a short campaign?" Eddie asks.

Steve's face scrunches a bit in confusion.

"How many days do you want me there?" Eddie clarifies.

"All of them?" Steve blurts out.

Eddie's eyes widen, and Steve's ears go a little pink.

"I mean, how many can you do?" Steve asks.

Eddie considers. He could use some extra cash, and he's really missed throwing himself into D&D - he actually thinks he has the perfect campaign, one he used leading up to Halloween back in high school. A few tweaks and he thinks it'll be perfect.

"How about four days, five hour sessions each? Is that too long for the kids?" Eddie asks.

Steve shakes his head. "Nah, I've seen them spend like ten hours playing before, five should be perfect. Come by the resort around noon tomorrow and I'll have the paperwork all ready for you?"

—

There's more security at the resort than Eddie remembers there being the handful of times that he's been there before.

Makes sense, he guesses, since there's more kids than adults there now. It'd probably look bad if the resort let just anyone onto the grounds and some of the kids got kidnapped or something. And if they've got celebrities coming in to get their good PR by volunteering, too, they've probably got to be at the top of their game.

Eddie must be on the approved list, though, because once he's shown his ID and proven who he is, he's given a “guest staff” badge, a map of the resort, and a list of which amenities he's allowed to use for the next week.

Nice. Steve hadn't mentioned that, but Eddie is definitely going to take advantage of it.

He's a little early to meet Steve, so he wanders around the inside of the resort instead, taking in everything.

Eventually he stumbles onto a lounge with a roaring fire and a massive plush sofa, occupied by a teenage girl and a bunch of textbooks.

“Can I help you?” she asks, for all the world like she's a busy executive behind a fancy desk and he's already wasting her time, instead of a teenager sprawled out on a couch doing her homework.

“I'm looking for Steve,” he says.

Her eyes narrow as she sits up. “Why?” There's an edge in her voice now, something a little bit protective.

That's kind of sweet, actually.

“I'm meeting him here about a temporary gig,” Eddie says. “Hi, I'm Eddie.”

Her expression shifts from wary to downright skeptical. “You're the DM who that hairbrain thinks will do a better job than me?”

Yeah, Eddie's taking back that sweet comment.

“You must be Erica,” he says.

“That's Lady Applejack to you,” she retorts with a sniff. “You better be at the top of your game, or I will sneak behind any monster you throw my way and stab them in the back with my poison-soaked kukri. And I'll smile as I watch them die a slow, agonizing death.”

Oh, fuck, Eddie likes this kid.

He raises one eyebrow at her. “I thought you had a big project that you're supposed to be working on?”

She stares right back at him, unimpressed. “You going to rat me out if I come play?”

Eddie hams it up a little, making a big show of thinking it over. Before he can tell her that obviously, he's the last one to give any kind of quibble about playing D&D instead of doing homework, the sound of heavy footsteps approaching echoes through the lounge.

“Hey, Erica?” Steve's voice calls, sounding a little strained. “Can you keep an eye out for Eddie, tell him I'm going to be a little late? I gotta - oh. You're here!”

Steve's rounded the corner, and now Eddie can see the reason for the heavier footsteps. He's giving a piggyback ride to a kid, who looks about eleven or twelve. The kid's face is screwed up in pain, and Eddie spots a bloody, skinned knee peeking through ripped jeans.

“Hey, man,” Steve greets. “Give me a minute? I've got to get this guy to the nurse.”

“I don't want to go see Nurse Henderson,” the kid sulks. “Can't you just patch it up yourself? Max is going to tell me I should have just walked it off!”

“Probably,” Steve admits. “But she'd also want you to get looked at if you're really hurt. And Nurse Henderson is the only one who's qualified to decide that, right? Besides, didn't we already talk about not doing stupid things just for a girl?”

“Especially for a girl like Max, who's way too old for me,” the kid replies, in a tone of voice that says, yes, he's heard all of this before. “Fine, I'll go to the nurse.”

“I'll keep Eddie company,” Erica volunteers.

Steve looks at her with narrowed eyes.

“I'm just making sure his campaign is up to snuff,” she informs him.

Steve relaxes, though he still cuts his gaze over to Eddie and waits for him to nod before he takes off.

Eddie tilts his head at Erica. “How would you feel about a little extra backstory? A little party betrayal, maybe?”

Her eyes light up. “I'm listening.”

By the time Steve comes back, Eddie and Erica and hunched over character sheets, and they've got a frankly amazing tie in for Lady Applejack into his slightly tweaked campaign.

“I take it things went well?” Steve asks.

Erica stuffs her character sheets into her folder. “He'll do.”

Eddie gets the feeling that's high praise, coming from her.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Lady Applejack,” he says solemnly.

She rolls her eyes, but accepts the hug that Steve gives her, and Eddie's pretty sure he hears Steve whisper thank you.

“Come on, let's go see Joyce,” Steve says. “She's the director of Hawkins Hope, she's amazing. Then we can grab lunch after.”

“Are you bribing me with fancy resort food?” Eddie asks.

Steve grins at him. “Maybe.”

Joyce is amazing, but lunch with Steve is even better. Eddie makes a big deal of moaning over how good the food is, but really, making Steve laugh is the best part.

Yeah, Eddie's in way too deep.

—

"Eddie!" Steve greets when he comes into the Hideout a few days after the final session. He sounds a little bit breathless, and Eddie immediately smiles.

It's amazing how much having a favorite regular there improves his night, on top of the fact that he thinks he and Steve are actually friends now.

"Hey, man," he greets. "The kids all get where they're supposed to be okay?"

Steve looks at him like he did something amazing, instead of just asking a question that any decent human being would ask, but Eddie's not going to protest.

"Yeah, just the staff left now. Hey, I wanted to ask - we're doing a masquerade event on Halloween as a fundraiser. I mean, the event itself is going to be kind of shitty, catering to a bunch of semi famous people, but the staff are having an after party. Do you want to come?"

Eddie swallows, trying not to get his hopes up. "Me?"

"Well, yeah, you were basically staff this week, so you should come."

"Oh." Turns out it didn't work, not getting his hopes up, and now he's fighting disappointment.

Steve must take that for reluctance, though, because he adds, "Chrissy and Jeff and Grant and Gareth are all welcome too, so you don't have to worry about not knowing anyone there? Unless you guys already had plans."

"Nah, I think we were just going to hang out and watch shitty horror movies, I'm sure they'd rather go to an after party at the resort," Eddie says.

It sounds like a much better night than anything they had planned, even if it isn't what he thought Steve might be asking.

"Good! Uh, that's good." Steve looks uncertain for a moment, like he's having a debate with himself. Whatever it is, he must come to a decision, because he leans over the counter a little. "What about you?"

…okay, maybe he's not completely out of luck here.

"Me?" Eddie asks again, but this time he keeps his gaze locked on Steve's.

"You," Steve says again. "I was really hoping you'd come, Eds."

"Yeah? What do I get if I go?"

Steve smiles at him, this soft little hopeful thing, and his eyes drop briefly down to Eddie's lips. "I got a few things in mind."

Oh fuck, this is happening.

"Well now you've got me intrigued. I guess I better make an appearance."

Steve's expression lights up. “See you at the resort at ten?”

—

There's even more security when Eddie arrives at the resort on Halloween. He isn't driving - he's pretty sure there's going to be free alcohol tonight, and he's planning on taking full advantage of it - but the cab he and the others took gets stopped three times by security guards, and each time they have to show their IDs.

“Who the hell is going to the stupid masquerade?” Eddie grumbles after they finally get dropped off at a side entrance to the resort.

“Celebrities,” Gareth says with a roll of his eyes.

There's still a small crowd of people exiting the resort through the main entrance a little bit away, and despite the grumbling and eye rolling, none of them can help craning their heads just a little, to see if there's anyone they recognize.

There isn't - looks mostly like people with press badges and cameras.

There's a little bit of a commotion, though, and that makes them pause, just for a moment.

“He owes us!” someone is shouting. “One song for the bronze tier donors, that's it? What does Alistair think he's trying to pull?”

“Oh, wow,” Chrissy says. “I mean, I knew Alistair was the celebrity endorser for the charity, but I didn't think he'd be here tonight.”

Eddie shrugs. “Steve said it was for the semi famous.”

“Alistair and Hawk are a little more than semi famous,” Jeff points out.

There's more shouting at the front entrance that distracts them, though - looks like whoever it was that was complaining is getting very firmly escorted out to the parking lot by security.

“What are you losers still doing out here?” someone asks, and Eddie turns over to see Erica scowling at him from the side entrance.

He beams at her. “Lady Applejack, destroyer of Vecna, light of my life!”

Erica rolls her eyes. “Get your butts in here,” she orders, disappearing through the side entrance.

Eddie and his friends dutifully follow her, down a few hallways and into a massive ballroom that's all decorated in orange and black lights, fake cobwebs, swooping bats, and even a fog machine. There's about thirty or so people mingling about, but fortunately, she leads them to where Steve and Robin are standing together. They're both dressed in black tuxedos, but Robin has a twinkling gold halo crowned on her head and a pair of feathery wings, and Steve has a pair of devil horns. There's a cup of something bright orange in each of their hands.

Jesus, Steve looks even more gorgeous.

“Hey!” Steve greets, lighting up. “You guys made it!”

There's a round of greetings, finished by Steve pointing out the tables laden with food - some of it is clearly fancy shit that was probably left over from the masquerade, but a decent chunk of it is freshly made, mixed in with a ton of boxes of pizza and pitchers of various drinks.

“Come on,” Steve says, circling his fingers around Eddie's wrist and giving it a tug. “I want to introduce you to my friends.”

Steve leads him around the room, weaving through the small crowd and stopping whenever he finds someone. Eddie meets Jonathon Byers, Argyle, and Nancy Wheeler - Steve's ex, apparently, which throws him for a moment when he sees that they're clearly good friends.

Eddie can't imagine being friends with any of the small handful of exes he has.

Steve shrugs when he says as much. “Nancy and I are much better as friends,” he admits. “Our break up was… all right, it was pretty bad. But it was a long time coming. We just didn't work, you know? We wanted different things.”

“Not a great point in favor of you still being friends,” Eddie points out.

Steve laughs. “Nancy's amazing at what she does. She's an investigative reporter for her real job - she just volunteers here, because it's family. It's a lot easier being her friend.”

Eddie's not completely convinced, but he'll take Steve's word for it.

Nancy seems pretty great, anyway, when both of their circles of friends end up spending most of the party together. She and Robin and Chrissy keep ducking their heads together and giggling, and Jeff and Jonathon are having some kind of emphatic discussion about something Eddie doesn't really understand, and he's pretty sure Gareth and Grant and Argyle have snuck off somewhere to smoke weed.

Eddie's a little disappointed they didn't invite him, except, well, Steve's been pretty much plastered to his side the whole time, so he can't really complain.

“You want to get out of here?” Steve asks, when Eddie has definitely had too many candy corn jello shots to be effectively considering the ramifications of that question.

He agrees anyway, wholeheartedly, and hopes he doesn't come across as way, way too eager.

Steve is beaming at him, though, and he leads him out of the room.

“Let's go for a walk?” Steve suggests, which isn't quite where Eddie's mind had been going, but he can admit it's probably a better idea than anything he might have come up with.

So they grab their coats, and Steve winds a scarf around Eddie's neck even though Eddie insists it isn't that cold out.

He's pretty sure the scarf is Steve's, though - it smells like his cologne - so he doesn't actually try to stop him.

“This is definitely a date, right?” Eddie asks as they're walking along the path to the lake, their fingers laced together.

You know, just to make absolutely certain.

“Yeah, it's definitely a date,” Steve says with a little laugh.

“It's technically our fourth date,” Eddie points out.

There's a little furrow between Steve's brow as he frowns at him. “What?”

Eddie holds up his free hand so he can tick them off his fingers. “One, you bought me drinks and dinner at the Hideout.”

“I paid for Jeff and Gareth too!” Steve protests.

“Two,” Eddie says, ignoring him. “You bought me lunch at the resort.”

“We're staff, we get free lunch!” Steve says.

“Three, you invited me to go to a Halloween party with you. And four, moonlight walk by the lake,” he finishes triumphantly.

“Those are the same date!” Steve's clearly trying to sound exasperated, but he's grinning, so Eddie's calling it a win. “And the other two are like, half dates. So if you really want to, we can call this our second date.”

“Come on, sneaking away from the Halloween party to get time alone is at least worth a half date on its own.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Okay, two and a half dates.”

Eddie pumps his fist in victory, but he doesn't get time to crow too much about it.

Steve kisses him for the first time out by the lake, leaves rustling in the wind and the reflection of the moon hanging heavy and orange.

It's perfect.

At the end of the night, after they've been gone from the party for so long that people have had to notice - though no one says anything - Steve gives him a piece of paper with his number on it.

“You don't have to call me,” Steve tells him, like there's any chance that Eddie won't use it immediately. “But I'd like it if you did.”

Eddie steals a pen and paper from the front desk, sprawls down his own phone number and shoves it at Steve.

“Here,” he says. “So you'll know it's me when I call you as soon as I get home.”

—

Eddie expected it to be a little awkward, trying to keep up a relationship - or whatever this is, is it a relationship when they've only had two and a half dates? - via phone, but it really isn't. Steve remembers his work schedule, and he calls him every day after he gets home from work, and it -

It's almost as good as having him there. They talk about their days, about everything and nothing, and it's so fucking good it helps distract him from knowing he's not going to be able to see Steve in person again until December.

Or at least, he wasn't supposed to see him until December.

But about a week after Steve's gone, when he's hanging out with Chrissy and trying to pretend like he doesn't miss him an unreasonable amount, Eddie asks, “Who is Alistair, anyway?”

Chrissy raises her eyebrows at him. “You don't know?”

Eddie shrugs. “It hasn't come up.”

“Scoops Troop?” Chrissy asks, like that's supposed to mean something. “The pop duo?”

And yeah, all right, the name sounds vaguely familiar, but it's not anything that Eddie looks for, and he shrugs again. “I mean, sure, I've probably heard some of their songs on the radio.”

She rolls her eyes. “You're ridiculous. I have a poster of Alistair in my bedroom, it's your favorite one. You've listened to him with me, he does that cover you really like, the one you said at least he wasn't a coward who changes the gender when he covers female songs.”

Shit, okay, yeah, now Eddie knows who she's talking about. He remembers that poster - a blown up shot of the pop star wearing a pair of tight jeans with the button popped, bare chested, head tilted back so all you could see was the line of his neck and the underside of his chin. He remembers sitting with Chrissy a year or so after they graduated high school, listening to one of his albums, hearing the guy sing about how it feels to watch the man he loves kiss some other girl, remembers how the song had stuck with him.

Huh. Handsome, good singer, funds charities - maybe he should have given more of his songs a chance.

“Oh,” Eddie says.

Chrissy laughs softly. “Yeah, oh. Should I tell Steve to watch out for your crush?”

Eddie bumps his shoulders into hers. “Steve is prettier,” he says confidently. “And sweeter, and funnier, and - everything-er.”

He does know to cut himself off before he starts going into too much detail, though, and instead he flops down on his bed.

“What's his deal, then? You have a poster, you probably know some things.”

Chrissy shrugs, flopping down next to him. “He's pretty private. Teenage pop star, made it big pretty quickly, had a huge, blow up falling out with his manager and record label. Went quiet for a while, made a massive comeback with a new manager and label as part of a duo with Hawk.”

Eddie hums softly. Nothing all that interesting - or nothing out of the ordinary from things he's read about in the music industry before.

“What was the blow up about?” he asks, curious. He could go look it up himself, of course, but it's easier to ask Chrissy.

“Something about his manager and label mismanaging his earnings. There was some kind of scandal back then about exploitation of child stars, it's why you don't see Harrington Studios or Brenner Talent Acquisition around much anymore.”

Jesus.

“Wait,” Eddie says. “Harrington Studios? Like Steve Harrington?”

Chrissy frowns. “Maybe?”

“Shit, Steve did say his dad was an asshole who wouldn't want to be anywhere near him,” Eddie says. “I wonder if that's why Steve cut ties.”

“You could call him and ask him,” Chrissy says mildly. “Didn't he say he and Robin were just going to be hanging around at home the next few days?”

Eddie narrows his eyes at her. “You just want to talk to Robin,” he protests, even though he's already picking up the phone.

Steve and Robin are home, and Steve sounds so happy to hear from him that Eddie almost immediately forgets everything else.

“I miss you,” Eddie says before he thinks better of it, before he wonders if maybe that's too much.

“I miss you too,” Steve says immediately, sounding a little bit relieved - like maybe he was worried it was too much, too. “I wish I could see you.”

“Hawkins isn't too far from here,” Eddie points out. “And I've got a guest room.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks, his voice a little soft, a little hopeful.

“Yeah. Come stay the night, we'll get pizza and watch bad movies.”

Steve hums a little like he's considering it, but it's playful, and Eddie's pretty sure he's going to say yes. “Are we counting this as a whole date, or is this another half date?”

Eddie breaks out into a grin. “Half date,” he decides. “That'll bring us up to three, and tomorrow we can make four.”

“Deal,” Steve agrees. “See you soon.”

Steve kisses him the second he and Robin arrive, crowding him in against the wall in the narrow hallway like it's been so much longer than a week since they last saw each other.

“Hi,” Steve murmurs when they break for air.

“Hi,” Eddie replies breathlessly, smiling so wide it hurts.

They end up squished together on the couch, Steve and Robin in the middle with Eddie and Chrissy on either side of them. After the pizza's gone, and they're mid way through their second movie - Eddie glances over, sees Robin's feet tucked under Steve's thigh, Steve's hand curled loosely around her ankle, Chrissy's head pillowed on Robin's shoulder.

Which sounds like a fantastic idea, actually, and he squishes down so he can lean into Steve's chest, Steve's arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Later, after the girls have disappeared into the guest room and Steve and Eddie are getting ready for bed, Steve seems… nervous, almost, as they climb under the covers.

“Everything okay?” Eddie asks.

“There's things you don't know about me,” Steve admits quietly. “Important things.”

Things like his dad owning a record label and working with a manager who exploits children, Eddie'd guess. Not a great thing for a guy who now works so closely with kids.

But Eddie trusts him.

“Hey,” he says softly. “It's okay. I mean, you don't know everything about me either, right? We're only at date three. It's okay if you want to take this slow, to get to know each other before we jump into the messy stuff.”

Steve looks like he's thinking about that. “That's okay?”

“Yeah, of course. If you want to feel each other out, keep this low commitment, even see other people, that's fine.”

It's not really fine, but now Eddie's said it, so he can't take it back.

Steve frowns at him. “I don't want to keep this low commitment,” he protests. “Eds - I'm in this. I don't want to date anyone else.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, a little shaky.

Steve's expression shutters a little. “Did you want to?”

“No!” Eddie replies, a little too quickly. “No, of course not. I just didn't want to pressure you. I, uh, I'm in this too.”

“Good.” Steve tips his head in to kiss him softly. “But - maybe slow is good? I haven't really had a serious relationship since Nancy and I broke up.”

“It's been a while for me, too,” Eddie admits. “…is it bad that it kind of makes me feel better? That we're both figuring this out together?”

Steve snorts. “Nah. Not bad. I kind of like the idea of figuring things out with you.”

—

“Hey, Munson!” April shouts from the office, when he's elbow deep in sudsy water doing the dishes. “You got a phone call!”

“Who is it?” Eddie yells back. He doesn't want to lose his groove if it's just a crank call, or one of his friends with something far from urgent.

“Some guy named Steve! Want me to tell him to get lost?” she asks.

“No!” Eddie yelps immediately. Then, in what he hopes is a calmer voice, “No, I'll come get it.”

He dries off his hands, passes April on the way to the office and has to put up with her smirking at him, but he pointedly ignores her.

“Hey, Stevie,” Eddie greets, already feeling himself smiling.

“Hey,” Steve says back. “Am I interrupting a busy shift?”

He sounds - just a little bit off. Almost like his normal self, but more like he's forcing himself to sound normal.

Eddie frowns. “Even if you were, it'd be a welcome interruption. What's up?”

“It's nothing really important,” Steve says. “I just - wanted to hear your voice, I guess.”

Oh.

Eddie lets himself feel soft and gushy over that for a moment before he leans out to shout, “April, I'm taking my lunch!” and closes the door to the office.

“Eds, you don't have to do that,” Steve protests. “I just wan-”

“Sweetheart,” Eddie cuts him off gently. “I can tell something's wrong. Taking my lunch is nothing - I'd drive to Hawkins right now to see you if you wanted.”

Eddie can Steve breathe out, a slow, ragged exhale.

“What happened?” Eddie asks.

“My dad happened,” Steve mutters.

Shit.

“Well, if anyone gets how hard it can throw you off when your shitty dad pops back up in your life, it's me,” Eddie says. “You want to talk about it?”

Steve's quiet for a moment. “I don't know why I let him still get to me,” he says after a while. “He didn't even talk directly to me. He hasn't tried to reach out since I cut him off, but he still knows exactly what to say to get under my skin, and he knows where to do it so it'll get right back to me. God, it's so stupid. I don't even care about his opinion, but…”

“But he's your dad,” Eddie finishes for him when he trails off. “Even if he's terrible, even if you don't want to be anything like him, even if you don't really want his good opinion, it's always going to matter a little.”

There's another exhale, though this one's tinged with something like relief. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“What'd he say?” Eddie asks.

Steve snorts. “Just the usual shit. I'm not living up to my potential, I'm wasting my time on publicity stunts, I've lost sight of what's really important.”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie mutters. “Your dad really is an asshole.”

“Grade A,” Steve confirms.

“You sure you don't want me to drive down there?” Eddie offers.

“Nah,” Steve says, though Eddie can hear a smile in his voice. “I'm with Robin. She just went to pick up dinner, she should be back soon. Just, uh. Like I said, I wanted to hear your voice. It always makes me feel better.”

“You can't say stuff like that to me when you're not in kissing range,” Eddie teases. Mostly to cover up the way it makes his heart beat a little too fast.

“Sorry,” Steve replies, not sounding apologetic at all.

“Uh-huh,” Eddie says. “I'll still stay on the phone with you until Robin gets back. What do you want me to talk about?”

Steve hesitates for a moment before asking, “Is it too much to ask about what happened the last time your dad popped up?”

Part of Eddie wants to say that nothing Steve could ask him for would be too much, but he does the responsible thing and actually thinks about it before he answers.

“I was seventeen,” he says, once he's decided that yeah, he's okay with Steve knowing this. “I'd been living with my Uncle Wayne for almost five years. He blows back into town, claims he has something of my mom's that she'd always wanted me to get, before she got sick.”

“What was it?” Steve asks.

Eddie snorts. “Nothing. I already had everything of hers that she left behind. He didn't realize I'd already emptied out the old house after he left the last time. But he said he missed me, said he needed me. That he really wanted it to be the two of us this time, the way we always talked about when I was younger and he was teaching me things.”

Steve makes a little encouraging noise.

“Shitty things,” Eddie clarifies. “Other dads taught their kids how to fish or play ball, but mine? He taught me how to hotwire cars. Even at seventeen, he had me convinced. I wanted to believe him so bad, I went along with his idea. Ended up with him skipping town and me in a jail cell taking the fall. My uncle had to come bail me out.”

“I'm sorry, Eddie,” Steve says quietly.

Eddie shrugs, even though Steve can't see him. “It's not your fault.”

“That's not why I'm sorry,” Steve retorts, in a tone that Eddie knows means he's rolling his eyes. “I'm sorry that he couldn't see how amazing you are. You deserve better.”

Eddie feels his cheeks heat up. “So do you,” he replies. “Fuck our dads, all right?”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees empathetically. “Fuck ‘em. Who needs them when we have people who actually give a shit about us?”

Eddie wishes they were together, so he could take Steve's hand or tug him in for a hug or something, to make it clear that Eddie is one of those people who gives a shit about Steve.

“Yeah,” he settles for saying. “You can call me anytime, you know that, right?”

“I do now,” Steve says softly. “Thanks, Eds.”

Fuck.

“Any time,” Eddie managed to get out.

“You too, okay? Any time. Even if I don't answer right away, I'll always call you back.”

—

Eddie's pulling his boxes of Christmas decorations out of the storage space off of his little balcony when he notices one of the boxes is damaged.

He's not sure what happened. Water leaking, maybe, or maybe just the box giving out, but it's sagging in on itself, and when Eddie opens it he - he sees the remains of some of his oldest Christmas decorations. The ones that belonged to his mom.

Eddie stares at them for a long time, fighting back tears, and then goes inside to call his boyfriend.

“Hey, Stevie,” he says when he gets his answering machine. He doesn't even bother trying to sound like he isn't bummed. “It's not urgent, just - some of the Christmass stuff I had from my mom got wrecked. Guess I just wanted to hear your voice. Give me a call when you get this, yeah?”

There's an awkward pause that he almost fills with love you, before he hangs up real quick so he doesn't end up going there on a fucking voicemail of all things.

He doesn't really know how long it's going to be before Steve's able to call him back, and it's stupid to just wait around waiting, but… he can't actually bring himself to do the only thing he had planned today and get the Christmas decorations up.

Eddie's still dithering around hours later when the doorbell rings, and he considers ignoring it and pretending he isn't home. He's not in the mood to be any kind of good company, after all.

But then he hears Steve's voice calling his name through the door, and he's on his feet and opening it up before he knows it.

“You're here,” Eddie says, a little gobsmacked.

Steve shifts his weight, looking a little hesitant. “Is that okay? I mean, I know you said you wouldn't mind driving down to Hawkins for me if -”

Steve cuts off, because Eddie's dragged him inside the apartment and pressed him against the back of the door, doing his level best to kiss him senseless.

“It's not too much?” Steve manages to ask in between kisses.

“It's so far from too much,” Eddie returns.

Eddie's not really sure he knows what to do with someone who drove all the way here just for him, just because he was sad, but Jesus, he's not going to complain about it now.

They're both a little disheveled by the time they manage to get away from the door, and Steve gives him a tentative little smile.

“I brought you this,” Steve says, holding something out to him.

Eddie takes it, and it's - a copy of Loretta Lynn's Country Christmas. A signed copy. A signed copy specifically addressed to Eddie, wishing him a merry Christmas and a wonderful holiday season.

He looks back up, gaping at Steve a little. “Steve?”

“It was supposed to be your Christmas present,” Steve says. “But I thought - maybe you could use it now.”

Jesus Christ, Eddie's pretty sure he's really close to crying. He squeezes his eyes shut, taking a ragged breath.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

He sets the album down, then practically launches himself at Steve, folding him into his arms and hugging him tight. Steve lets himself be held, sinking into the embrace and hugging him back just as strong.

Eventually, when Eddie's reasonably certain he's not in danger of crying - or blurting out a love confession - Eddie pulls back.

“How long are you here for?” he asks.

Steve shrugs. “I don't have any where to be now. I finished work up early, so I've got a few days before we have to get started on winter camp and the Hawkins Hope Christmas gala.”

“Stay here?” Eddie asks, even though he's a little afraid he's pushing it. The guy drove here for him after one upset voicemail, he's pretty sure he's not going to be turned off by the suggestion of staying over a few days.

“Shit, yeah, I'd love to. You want me to help decorate?” Steve offers.

Eddie swallows past the lump in his throat and nods. “Yeah, that'd be great.”

He puts on Loretta Lynn, and before he knows it he's laughing along with Steve as they bicker about where to put some of the decorations and immediately agree on others.

It's a much better day than Eddie could have ever imagined.

—

“How'd you guys even find this place?”

It's mid December, and the Hawkins Hope crew officially have the resort for the rest of the year.

Which means Eddie's been hanging out there pretty much all of his days off, to the point where the security staff don't even bother to check his ID anymore. They just let him waltz right into the resort to meet Steve at one of the lounges.

Or in the room Steve's staying in, which is where they're at now.

“We rented it out for a couple of weeks back in the spring. Or I guess, technically Scoops Troop did, but when Joyce saw it we figured it would be the perfect place.”

“That was you guys?” Eddie asks. “I figured it was some doucebag pop singer.”

“Well, I guess you'd be kind of right, depending on how you feel about Scoops Troop.” Steve says it too casually, like he's trying to pretend that he doesn't care about Eddie's response - but he clearly cares about Eddie's response.

Eddie hums softly. “How do you feel about Scoops Troop?”

“Hawk is fantastic,” Steve replies immediately. “She's so, so talented, she could do just about anything, you know? She's funny, and so damn smart, she's just amazing.”

Briefly, Eddie wonders if he should be jealous, but nah. Steve'd sounded similar to the way he does when he talks about Robin, and Eddie knows there's nothing going on there.

“What about Alistair?” Eddie asks.

Steve gives a one shouldered shrug. “I don't think my opinion really matters all that much.”

“Of course it matters, Stevie, your opinion always matters,” Eddie says.

Steve smiles at him, soft and fond. “Thank you.”

Eddie waits, but apparently Steve is going to play hard to get on the subject of Alistair. “Do you like him?”

Steve shrugs again. “Yeah, sure.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows, squirming a little so he's draped across Steve's lap, staring up at him expectantly.

Steve huffs out a little laugh, carding his fingers through Eddie's hair.

“It was touch and go there for a little bit,” Steve admits. “There was some pretty dicklike behavior going on for a while.”

Eddie gives a dramatic gasp. “A teenage idol? Being a dick? You don't say.”

There's another little laugh, which Eddie's going to count as a win.

“And now?” Eddie asks. “The charity thing, is that all a cover?”

“Nah,” Steve says. “That's genuine. You go through some shit, get a couple of good thumps on the head, it can change your perspective on a lot of things. Makes you realize what's important, and what's just bullshit, you know?”

It sounds like Steve's speaking from experience, and Eddie makes a little encouraging noise.

“My dad did some pretty shitty things to some of my friends,” he says quietly. “And to me. There was a time when I was probably too much like him. I mean, I wasn't ever that bad, but - I put popularity and shit above the things that really mattered.”

“It's hard to imagine you like that,” Eddie says.

Steve frowns a little. “Really?”

“Well, okay, you're kind of a preppy jock, and back in high school I would have thought you were a huge asshole. But I mean, I was kind of a dick back then, too. I probably would have judged you without even knowing you. And now, knowing you? Shit, you're amazing, Steve.”

Steve swallows, leaning down to kiss him.

“I kind of like that you don't know a lot about Alistair,” Steve admits quietly.

“Really?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Most of the people that I work with, aside from the core staff? They're in this because it's a good look for them, or because of their connections with Scoops Troop. You're one of the few who helped out just because of the kids.”

“You guys did pay me,” Eddie points out.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, but you said yes before you even knew how much. It wasn't because of some celebrity, it was just because you're a good guy.”

Something squirms around in Eddie's gut, in a way that he can't decide is good or not. Don't get him wrong, Steve telling him he's a good guy's got his heart beating a little quicker, but he also feels like Steve's got the wrong impression of him.

“I mean, I also did it because you asked me to,” he says, before Steve goes thinking it was entirely selfless. “And you're the prettiest guy I've ever seen.”

Steve huffs out a little laugh. “You agreed to help out just to get paid and to get in my pants?”

“Well, not just that. It worked though, didn't it?”

There's another laugh, and Steve jostles him with his knee a little. “Seriously, though. There's not a lot of people in my life that aren't here because of Alistair.”

It's Eddie's turn to swallow. “Well, now you've got me.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, still far too serious. His eyes are so intense as he looks down at Eddie, like he's seeing straight through him - like he's on the verge of saying something big, something maybe too big.

“So what are you going to do with me, then?” Eddie asks, light and teasing, wiggling his eyebrows.

It works to break the moment, though Steve's still looking at him almost too closely.

“Keep you,” Steve says. “If you'll let me.”

Jesus Christ.

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “Yeah, I'll let you.”

—

The sound of a piano playing draws him down one of the resort hallways, smiling softly as he recognizes it as a Billy Joel song.

“La, la-la, di-di-da,” echoes along with the notes of the piano. “La-la di-di-da da-dum.”

He follows the sound, until he reaches another one of the resort's many little lounging areas. This one has the customary fireplace, wide open windows with gorgeous scenery, and cozy seating. It also has a baby grand piano, and Eddie's a little shocked to see Steve sitting at it, eyes closed as he plays.

“Sing us a song, you're the piano man,” Steve croons. His voice is a little raspy, a little rough, low and soft and so fucking gorgeous that it makes Eddie catch his breath. “Sing us a song tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for a melody.”

“And you've got us feeling all right,” Eddie chimes in.

Steve's eyes fly open, and he looks a little panicked for a moment before his gaze catches on Eddie. The tension in his body relaxes a little, though there's something about him that seems a bit wary.

It makes Eddie feel like maybe he shouldn't make a big deal about this, shouldn't exclaim that he didn't know Steve could play or tell him that he should sing more often.

“Practicing for a music activity with the kids?” Eddie asks.

Steve's expression lights up with a smile, and Eddie immediately feels like he's said the right thing.

Which isn't all that common of an occurrence, honestly. Makes it feel pretty damn good that he just about always gets it right with Steve.

“Doing a piano lesson later,” Steve says.

“And you're going to teach them Billy Joel?” he asks.

Steve huffs out a little laugh. “Christmas carols, actually. I was just trying to warm up a little.”

“Don't mind me,” Eddie says, plopping down at the bench next to him and leaning against him. “Warm up away. Hey, you play one I know, and I'll even sing.”

Steve's expression goes contemplative for a moment. “How about we sing together?”

“You don't have to,” Eddie says a little guiltily, kind of worried that he'd made him feel pressured.

Steve shakes his head. “I want to. What's your favorite Christmas song?”

“Carol of the Bells,” Eddie says immediately.

Steve barks out a little laugh.

“What?” Eddie demands, bumping his shoulder. “It's a good one!”

“I know,” Steve says. “It's my favorite, too. It's just not a great dueting song.”

“Nah, come on, give me some notes. We got this,” Eddie insists.

Steve rolls his eyes, but his fingers dance over the keys as he starts playing.

“Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away.” Eddie's not exactly singing so much as he's whispering the words into Steve's ear, lips brushing up right against his skin.

It makes Steve's breath catch. He tips his head to face Eddie, playing without looking.

“Christmas is here, bringing good cheer, to young and old, meek and the bold,” Steve whisper sings back. Even like this, he sounds good - Eddie can tell he must have gotten some training, but with who Steve's dad is, he's not surprised.

Eddie kind of figures that's why any musical ability Steve has would be a sore subject, so he doesn't ask about it. “Ding dong ding dong, that is their song, with joyful ring, all caroling.”

“One seems to hear, words of good cheer,” Steve sings, lips so close to Eddie's that they're practically breathing the same air. “From everywhere, filling the air.”

Steve joins him in singing, “Oh how they pound, raising the sound,” their voices melding together in a way that Eddie's not sure is technically good, but fuck it feels downright magical.

They make it through a few more verses like that, but Steve kisses him before they finish out the song, and they're too distracted to get back to it.

Really, it's not like Eddie's going to complain.

Steve's amazing with the kids, he's clearly not a terrible shower singer, and Eddie's not holding out much hope for the wet towels on the floor at this point.

Eddie just doesn't know how he got so lucky.

—

When Eddie opens the door, Chrissy immediately smacks him with a magazine, but doesn't say anything until she and Jeff have pushed their way into his apartment and shut the door behind them.

Eddie blinks at them, bewildered.

“When were you going to tell us?” she asks in a low, excited whisper.

“Tell you what?” he asks.

“He probably swore you to secrecy, right?” Jeff asks.

“Can we talk about it now that we know?” Chrissy says. “Oh, wait, you probably had to sign an NDA or something, right?”

Jeff makes a face. “Are we going to have to sign an NDA?”

“An NDA about what?” Eddie demands.

Chrissy thrusts the magazine at him, shaking it until he takes it.

Oh.

That's Steve and Robin on the cover, wearing matching Christmas sweaters, with glitter on their eyelids and cheeks and snowflakes in their hair.

He can feel his expression go a little dopey and fond, but hey, how is he supposed to help it?

Eddie assumes it's some kind of article about the Christmas gala Hawkins Hope is throwing, but the caption of the picture catches his eye as he's looking up.

Christmastime With Scoops Troop! Alistair and Hawk spill about their holiday traditions.

It's not until Eddie hears Chrissy saying, “Oh” and Jeff going, “Oh shit, you didn't know,” that Eddie realizes he's gaping.

Eddie slams his jaw shut. “No,” he says tightly, feeling a sharp stab of hurt covered up immediately by a blinding rush of anger. “No, I didn't know that my boyfriend is famous. Apparently that's something that he didn't feel was important to tell me.”

He throws the magazine down onto the couch, stalking around the living room. “Apparently Alistair likes to play games with poor, hick bartenders, make them think they've found something amazing, while Mr. Famous Douchebag is probably off laughing with his other celebrity friends about what an idiot I am.”

“Eddie,” Chrissy says, sounding a little shocked. “I don't know if that's fair.”

“Fair?” Eddie demands. “Fair would have been leaving me the hell out of however he gets his rocks off. It wasn't coming into the Hideout again and again, hanging out with us and getting to know us, all the time keeping something like this!”

“Hey,” Jeff cuts in. “Come on, man, Steve didn't owe us anything then. He was just a guy coming into a bar to get some drinks, getting along with the staff there.”

Eddie snarls, because he wants to be as furious as possible, and he isn't thrilled that Jeff's making a logical point. “Fine,” he concedes. “But he owed me something. He should have told me what I was getting into before I got too deep. I don't - what, was his plan to just keep quiet about this forever and hope I wouldn't find out? How stupid does he think I am?”

Chrissy and Jeff are silent at that, but that just deflates Eddie more than if they had tried to argue with him.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” he asks.

“Do you want to break up with him?” Chrissy asks.

Eddie startles. “No!” Then he pauses, considering. “I don't know.”

“You don't know?” Jeff prompts.

“What if all of this was a game? What if he never liked me at all, and he was just a celebrity asshole having some fun?”

“What if it wasn't?” Chrissy counters gently. “What if he's just a guy who found someone he really liked and was too scared to tell him about this?”

Eddie drops down into the couch, burying his head in his hands. “I have to talk to him, don't I?”

—

Eddie goes to talk to him.

He asks the resort staff to let Steve know that he's here, waits around in the front entrance until one of the staff tells him they got the go ahead to let Eddie wait in Steve's room.

Eddie's sitting on the bed when Steve there.

“Eddie? Are you okay, they told me you-” Steve cuts off, and Eddie's going to assume that he saw the magazine in Eddie's hands.

He can't bring himself to look up to see him, to check for sure.

“Was any of it real?” he asks. His voice comes out rough, though he manages not to sound like he's on the verge of tears.

“God, Eds, of course it's real, how can-”

“Don't,” Eddie cuts him off, harsh and sharp.

Steve makes a little wounded sound before he falls silent, and this time Eddie can't help but look up at him.

Steve looks - he looks like a fucking wreck. His eyes are wet and sad, and he looks like everything that he'd been trying to balance on his shoulders has come crashing down. Eddie wishes he could say with confidence that the guy he knows, the guy he's fallen in love with, is the same guy he's seeing now, is who Steve really is.

Still, Eddie isn't here to purposefully hurt him. Chrissy and Jeff had talked sense into him - he just wants answers.

“I don't think it's fair for you to act like I'm out of line for doubting that,” Eddie says.

Steve crumples like a wet paper bag.

“You're right,” he says, which honestly - Eddie wasn't expecting. “It's not fair, I'm sorry. Of course you'd think that if I was hiding this, what else wasn't I telling the truth about?”

Eddie rolls up the magazine to hide how his hands want to shake, crinkling it with the force of his grip. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Not at first,” Steve admits, lips twisted in a humorless little smile. “This summer, I just - it was nice, spending time with people who had no idea who I was. I thought that would be it, but then the more time I spent with you, the more I fell for you, and by the time I realized I didn't want to let you go, I was afraid. Afraid of your reaction, afraid of what it would mean for us. There's so many people that think they know me as Alistair, and so few that know the real me. I knew, just - even if you didn't hate me, even if you still wanted to be with me, things were going to change. I wouldn't just be Steve anymore.”

“But… you are Alistair. I'm not getting the real you unless I can have both.”

Steve swallows. “Do you want both?”

Eddie blinks at him, a little thrown. “What kind of question is that?”

“Most people want to date Alistair, the pop singer. I haven't had anyone since Nancy who knew me as Steve first, and I - I don't know. I kind of thought it would work the other way, too,” Steve admits. “That you wouldn't want any part of Alistair.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him. “Dude, you keep talking about Steve and Alistair like they're different people. They're both still you, right? I mean, sure, you've got to put on a different front when you're out there with the press and the celebrities, but we all do that a little. You think I act the same way with most customers that I do with you?”

“I - no. Okay, well, I hope not,” Steve adds, just a little bit teasing.

“Definitely not,” Eddie says, giving him the tiniest smile. “So if you're really in this, I want you to be in it. I don't want you to have to hide something so huge from me. I think I deserve the chance to know all of you.”

“Okay,” Steve says softly. “You're right. You're - yeah. If you still want this, if I didn't fuck everything up, then I promise no more secrets.”

Eddie lets out a slow, ragged exhale. Then, “It was real, right?”

“Every bit of it,” Steve says. He inches closer, then when Eddie doesn't stop him, he comes to sit next to him.

“Everything I've told you is true,” Steve says solemnly. “It's okay if you can't believe that yet. I promise I'll work really hard to show you.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Maybe I'm stupid, but I do believe you. There's a lot of things that make sense now.”

Thinking back on it - he doesn't think Steve ever actually directly lied to him, not once. Just by omission.

“Fuck, your dad is even worse than I thought,” Eddie swears. “I assumed you guys had a falling out because he fucked over your friends, but he fucked over you.”

“And my friends,” Steve says. “Jane, Hopper's adopted daughter - she got it the worst. I mean, it was mostly our manager, Brenner, who was the real piece of work, but it's not like my dad gave a shit.”

“Fuck him even more,” Eddie mutters. “Am I allowed to ask what happened? Will I have to sign an NDA or something?”

Steve huffs out a little laugh. “No NDAs, and yeah, you can ask. Hopper and Joyce were the ones that uncovered a lot of it, at first, and then Nancy and Jonathan did this massive push and got all the details to leak to the press. They're in investigative journalism half because of how good of a job they did. Robs and I both almost quit music after, but Joyce and Hop knew this guy who was a really good manager, and Murray knew Dimitri who had a small record label, and it just… fell together.”

Eddie narrows his eyes. “Hopper's your head of security, isn't he?”

Steve grins. “And the security for Hawkins Hope, but yeah, mostly me and Robin. Jonathan also does most of our pictures for album covers and stuff, and Argyle actually handles our PR.”

Eddie hums. “Wait, why didn't I have to sign an NDA? What if I was secretly a reporter just pretending to be a bartender?”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “But you weren't.”

“What if I was?” Eddie insists. “Or, okay, what if it didn't work out and I was the kind of guy who liked petty revenge? What if some shady paparazzi comes up to me and promises a huge pay day if I spill all of the secrets I learned?”

“You wouldn't,” Steve says confidently.

Which, okay, yes, Eddie very much appreciates Steve's trust in him and it kind of makes him feel a little gooey inside, but Eddie's on a roll and he has a point to make.

“I could!” Eddie protests. “What if I was just a huge asshole? What do Hopper and Argyle think of you dating someone without an NDA?”

“I don't think I've ever had anyone mad at me that I didn't ask them to sign an NDA,” Steve says thoughtfully.

“Well clearly you've been dating douchebags,” Eddie grumbles. “You have to look out for yourself more, okay, what if I was just the worst person in the world and - what?”

Steve's smiling at him way too fondly. “I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you,” he says softly.

Eddie's breath catches. “Is that, uh. Is that a confession, or the reason you didn't have me sign an NDA?”

“Both?” Steve admits. “Look, I know it's kind of early, so I'm not expecting -”

“No, fuck that, I'm definitely in love with you,” Eddie cuts in. “I've wanted to say it since the time you called me at work.”

“Oh,” Steve breathes out. “Still?”

“Still.” Eddie makes a little face at himself. “I do trust you, Steve. It might take me a while to get used to everything, but I don't think there's anything I'm going to learn that will change that.”

Steve kisses him, tangling his fingers in Eddie's hair.

“Come to the Christmas gala with me?” he asks.

“Won't the press and stuff be there?” Eddie says.

“Yeah. It's okay if you're not ready for that, but I - I think I'd like to tell people that I have a boyfriend. To introduce you whenever you are ready.”

Eddie considers that. He's honestly not sure he is ready, but - shit, is he ever going to feel ready? “Yeah,” he says. “Jesus, yeah, let's do it.”

“Yeah?” Steve says, his face lighting up.

“Yeah,” Eddie says again. “Just, uh, let me call my uncle and tell him first. Unless - do you want to come with me, tell him together?”

Steve kisses him again. “I'd really like that. We're still in this, still figuring this all out together, right?”

Eddie follows after him for another kiss. “Together,” he agrees.

Yeah, Eddie can handle that. As long as they're together.

[maddieplum]

Floral Legacy Challenge

So a while back my computer died and I lost all of my saves and screenshots and because of that I haven't wanted to play in a while. However, recently to get myself back into the game I wrote a legacy challenge for myself based upon flower meanings. I have started playing it and really been enjoying it, so wanted to share with anyone who might be interested as well!

This is more of a story based legacy than a challenge one, with goals written more as guidelines for what story to tell in a given generation than objectives or challenges to complete. Each generation I have chosen 1-3 aspects of a flower's meaning to focus this story around and I've compiled them in a way where I think it makes sense how one generation leads to the next.

If you are interested, more is under the cut!

Sims 4 Floral Legacy Challenge:

Some housekeeping: As far as general rules go, make this your own! Traditional legacy rules need not apply unless you want them to. This is for my personal gameplay and if you want to do it, choose what rules you want to hold yourself to that will make the gameplay fun for you. I tend to use cheats in ways that make sense from a storytelling perspective (e.g. for the iris gen I will likely cheat to give a coworker the genius trait). You can also opt not to follow any of my generation guidelines if you don't want - just take what interests you!

The only required packs are Horse Ranch, Spa Day, and City Living, but I added optional and recommended goals incorporating packs I either already have or hope to buy. If you don't have the required packs you can still definitely play this by either skipping those gens or modifying them to fit what you can do. I would recommend using the generation theme written under the flower name to help guide you in your choices as well (these are the aspects of the flower meanings that I have chosen to focus on for each given generation).

And without further ado:

Gen 1: Bluebell -humble beginnings and everlasting love- Choose one of more of these traits: generous, good, loyal Career: something that means humility to you - ideas: education, gardener, barista/babysitter/other part time careers, self employed by selling collectibles Aspiration: Soulmate Style: any, but live whole life in a small home (not necessarily by the game's standard but no more than 3 bedrooms), blue should be a main color, stay away from pricey furniture as well

You are a simple sort of sim. All you ever wanted is a place to call home and someone to love. Moving to a new place was scary, but you think you are starting to figure it out. However, things get a little more complicated when a choice you make on a lonely night results in a surprise pregnancy. Even though you aren't sure you're ready for single parenthood, you are going to give it your best shot, you already love the kid to bits after all. Luckily, your kind neighbor is there to help out. Wait, they're kind of cute…

-Start on an empty lot or in an unfurnished house with 0 simoleons -Recommended: live in willow creek -Make money to build/furnish your house through your career -Have a child from a one night stand with someone you meet at a public lot before your house is fully finished (this is the next gen heir). -Never date your child's other parent but optionally remain good friends. -Err on the side of leniency as a parent (e.g. if you have parenthood, hug it out to discipline your kid, use the permissive family dynamic from growing together). -Fall and love and get married to one of your neighbors, completing the soulmate aspiration. Stay together in a happy marriage until death. -Optional: have 1-2 more kids with your spouse -Until you switch to the next gen, go on at least one date every week with your spouse.

Gen 2: Crocus -playful childishness- Recommended Traits: lazy, goofball, outgoing, family oriented, childish, cheerful Career: any except entertainer - do not reach level 10 in your career, continually neglect work tasks and goof off/socialize at work to lower work performance if need be - optional (or if laid off): switch careers several times Aspiration: Big happy family - optional: if you have high school years you can complete the live fast aspiration as a teen Style: any as long as its casual, shouldn't look too put together, t-shirts would be good

As a kid you were loved and admittedly somewhat spoiled by your doting parent. At times you neglected your responsibilities and your homework preferring to goof off with your many friends. Growing up… well, you never really did that did you? You did eventually get a job (even though you aren't the best employee) and you gave dating the old college try as well. Unfortunately, just like working, being in a relationship doesn't seem to come easily to you… Luckily though there is something you're good at: parenting. Being part kid yourself, you find it easy to connect to your many kids and you're always ready to cheer them up with a laugh when they are feeling down. That, at least, is something worth devoting your time too.

-Neglect homework as a child (optional: age up with the irresponsible trait if you have parenthood) but have several friends at school -Perform poorly in a career of your choice (NOT entertainer) - do not reach level 10 in any career (if you get close, lower job performance or quit and start a new job) -Live in childhood home until parents die or until you have too many kids for everyone to fit -Get divorced from / break up with every partner you have (your choice how many people to date, but must die single) -Have 3-6 kids - at least one should be adopted and one should be biologically yours but the exact ratio is up to you -Be best friends level with all kids -max out comedy skill -Complete happy family aspiration (may require temporarily returning to this gen after some kids are adults) -Optional: whenever someone leaves the household, get a pet so the household is continually at 8 members (the idea of this gen is cheerful chaos after all)

Gen 3: Dahlia -creativity and true love- Required traits: non commital, Recommended: creative, maker, art lover, green fiend Career: Something creative - recommended: making money through painting or fabrication or photography Aspiration: Any in the creativity category (or the jewelry one, which is IMO creative but not in that category) Style: Colorful and eclectic, feature warm colors and travel Knick knacks, bohemian

You grew up in a chaotic but joyful home surrounded by your siblings and raised by a parent who loved and accepted you as you were. Your creativity was able to bloom and flourish in this environment and you learned the value and power of familial love. However, you never quite understood romance in the same way as you watched your parent struggle to maintain a loving relationship. In high school you found someone special, but your relationship was too important to put through the trials of romance. You maintained your friendship into adulthood as you followed your passions into a career and your heart into several (failed) relationships, all the while standing by each other. Then one day you realized, what if this elusive goal of romantic love had been right besides you all along?

-Complete the creatively gifted aspiration as a kid -Briefly (briefly) date your best friend in high school, then decide to be just friends (option in social menu). Maintain friendship (remaining just friends) into your young adulthood and adulthood, spending lots of time together. -Have a creative job and max out your career / chosen creative skill -Get married and divorced at least once and date and break up with at least 3 people total -Have at least one kid -After a midlife crisis start a relationship with your best friend and get married - this time stay together until death do us part (optional: at this point swap out the non committal trait with the loyal trait via cheats or self discovery moment) -Go on vacation at least twice with your family and your best friend/best friend's family

Gen 4: (white) Lily -beauty, mourning, and rebirth- Recommended traits: gloomy, romantic Career: something you associate with beauty - ideas: actor/actress, style influencer, social media Aspiration: any - ideas: soulmate, world famous celebrity, master actor/actress Style: classic, somewhat minimalistic, elegant (think Kennedys)

Growing up in an artistic household, you quickly developed a keen eye and a strong aesthetic and sense of style. Unlike your parent however, you were very interested in what was popular. You built your knowledge of trends and used it to cultivate your own look until it became your passion, and ultimately your career. You were becoming quite successful, loving your job more and more every day, when you met… them. The love of your life. You remembered watching your parent dance around their love all their life, and had seen how much time they wasted because of it. You weren't going to make the same mistake. You had a whirlwind romance, engagement, and marriage that grew into a stable, enduring love. You had everything, a great career, a wonderful relationship, and you and your spouse had just welcomed a child when tragedy struck. And now, without your love, you don't know what to do. How will you go on?

-Enter and max out a career that is associated with beauty -Optional: if you have get famous, become a celebrity with a good reputation -Meet your spouse through your career -Date, get engaged to, and marry your spouse quickly (within 1-2 sim weeks) -Have a relationship with your spouse at the soulmate level -Have exactly one kid with your spouse -Before your kid is a teen, your spouse dies -Mourn your spouse for the rest of your life (at least 3 times weekly visit grave/urn) and never get into another romantic relationship -Optional: after spouse's death, change outfits to be all black for mourning colors (or what ever mourning colors are in your culture) -Neglect child emotionally because of your sadness (less than good friends level friendship) -Repair relationship with child after they move out and your grandchildren are born (they return the spark to your life)

Gen 5: Dandelion -resilience and recovery- Required trait: horse lover Optional: active, loves the outdoors, adventurous Career: Rancher/self employed Required aspiration: championship rider Style: western, rustic farmhouse decor, country

You grew up in the midst of a tragedy. All you remember is the dark cloud that seemed to surround your parent everywhere they went and the loneliness that came from all but raising yourself. As soon as you could, you got away, following your heart to the countryside. In the picturesque small town of chestnut ridge you built your own life, learning to ride the horses you had grown up loving, and making a living by building a ranch. The solitude of nature was like a balm to your wounded soul. Eventually, you fell for one of the locals and got hitched. They moved in to help grow your ranch and before long you were building a family as well. As you discovered the joys of parenthood, it brought your mind back to your own parent, and you started to wonder if those bonds could be reformed…

-move out to Chestnut Ridge as soon as you become a young adult -Complete the championship rider aspiration and max out the riding skill -Fall in love with an marry a sim you meet in Chestnut ridge with the rancher trait -Have 2-4 kids with your spouse -Optional: name one of your kids after your deceased parent -After your first kid is a toddler, start to reconcile with your parent (inviting them over to meet grandkids) -build back your friendship with your parent before they pass (good friends level or higher) -run a thriving ranch

Gen 6: (red) Carnation -justice- Recommended traits: good, hot headed, self assured Career: Politics, charity organizer branch Aspiration: any - ideas: neighborhood confident, city native Style: any - alt fashion would work well, esp. punk, dark colors with red accents also good

Life as a child in the countryside was idyllic, but you always had bigger dreams. Bright eyed and with a zest for life you moved to the city as soon as you could. But once there, your idealistic nature quickly shattered. The world wasn't as nice outside of your small town bubble. Rather than fall into despair over it however, you decided to rise to the occasion. You would dedicate your life to fighting for change and making the world a better place. Even if it was just a drop in the bucket, you would do everything you could to make a difference. After all, what better way to spend your time than speaking truth to power?

-move to San Myshuno as a young adult -Join and max out the charity organizer career -meet your spouse at a protest -fall in love and move in together, but don't get married -have at least one kid -join or start a protest at least once a week -have at least one wealthy enemy (bonus points if they are in the politician career or a landlord) -Optionally: have a midlife crisis / burnout (via growing together mechanics or imaginative storytelling) during adulthood and change your life around (stay in same career, but protest less and pick up a hobby, spend more time with family)

Gen 7: Iris -intelligence and prestige- Required trait: genius Optional traits: perfectionist, ambitious, neat, overachiever, loner, hates children, bookworm Career: something you associate with intelligence - ideas: doctor, scientist, law, engineer, astronaut Recommended aspiration: any in the knowledge group or bestselling author Optional: complete the goal oriented aspiration as a teen and the academic aspiration as a young adult Style: academia (dark or light), traditional, have at least one library / study in the home

Your parents were smart people, you'll give them that, but they didn't care enough to do anything with it! They could have been something great, but instead they decided to waste their time fighting for 'justice' without making any real change. You wouldn't be making that mistake. From an early age you dedicated yourself to your studies, determined to learn everything you possibly could and become someone important. Learning fascinated you, and you loved using your intelligence to figure out solutions to hard problems. This was what was important, not love, or family, or doing good, or whatever other nonsense your parents and grandparents believed. This was how you really changed the world, intelligently. Now just to get that one coworker of yours to stop pestering you at work and challenging your ideas. Wait, why do they want to meet you for coffee?

-Complete the mental aspiration as a child -Enter and max out a career related to intelligence - optionally: then switch careers and max out a second -max out at least four skills of your choice, writing and publishing skill books related to them as you do so (this may require you to max out the writing skill, if so this counts towards your four skills) -Date and marry one of your coworkers who also has the genius trait (bonus points if this is a former workplace rival) -Have exactly one child with your spouse via the science baby option -Be a strict parent (maintain this family dynamic if you have growing together) and be emotionally distant from your kid (less than good friends friendship level ideally) -If you have discover university, attend university and complete the academic aspiration before beginning a career

Gen 8: Lotus -rebirth and self-love- Required trait: high maintenance Recommended: perfectionist Career: start in something you see as a high stress job - ideas: salary person, business, anything that uses the logic skill - then switch to making money via spa day activities Aspiration: any or all in the wellness category Style: minimalist, biophilic (plant parent), 'zen'

To say your parents had high expectations growing up would be putting it lightly. Nothing you ever did seemed good enough for them. Even so, you continued to try, pushing yourself towards excellent grades and into a career (and relationship) they would approve of. It was hard but you were managing it, and you kept pushing and pushing until… One day you just couldn't do it anymore! You quit your job, ended your relationship and changed trajectories. Now you are focused on healing and self-love, and on helping others on their self love journey as well. It might take some time, but you are learning to be happy with yourself. Next, to start building a new family, one you'll be happy to be a part of.

-maintain an "A" level grade throughout your education -Enter a high stress career as a young adult -Start a relationship with someone in a 'respectable' career as a young adult (you decide what counts as 'respectable') - if you have growing together you should have bad compatibility with this person -sometime during young adulthood (bonus if after in game burnout) while your sim is feeling badly (tense, angry, uncomfortable, or sad), quit your job and end your relationship -Optional: before this switch dress and decorate in your parents style, afterwards, change to your own style -Switch to a wellness career - continue this until retirement -max out wellness skill -complete at least one of the wellness aspirations -marry someone you meet at the spa -have 1-3 children with them

Gen 9: Lavender -family and home- Required trait - at least one of three: loner, paranoid, socially awkward Recommended traits: family oriented, foodie, loves the outdoors, animal enthusiast Career: make money through cooking and/or baking - this can involve running a bakery, the culinary career, or using the food stall from home chef hustle OR be a stay at home parent and partner makes money Choose one or more of the following aspirations: Appliance whiz, master chef, country caretaker, super parent Style: French country, cottage core, pastels

You grew up in a peaceful and tranquil home with caring and kind parents. Lucky for you because as it turns out - the rest of the world? Not so peaceful. Being outside your home and surrounded by strangers was always stressful for you, and as you grew up you learned to retreat towards the things you knew: your family, your pets, and the delicious things you loved to cook. Another support for you was always your best friend turned love; you've promised to stay by each other's side through thick and thin and you can’t wait to build a home together. Will these supports help you get through the stresses of adulthood? Will be able to find and build a home that's peaceful and safe for your new family? Only time will tell…

-From teenagehood to death have at least one pet at all times (including non household animals like cows) -Marry your childhood best friend / high school sweetheart and stay together until death do us part -max out the cooking skill (and baking if you have get to work) -have 3-5 kids with your spouse -maintain best friends level friendship with all kids, spouse, and any cats or dogs you have -don't maintain friendships with anyone outside the household (this can change when you switch to playing sunflower gen if need be) -make sacked lunches for all family members at least twice a week -Make money through food (chef career, bakery, or food stall) OR be a stay at home parent -Recommended: live in Henford-on-Bagley -Max out one or more of the following aspirations: Appliance whiz, master chef, country caretaker, super parent

Gen 10: Sunflower -friendship and loyalty- Required trait: loyal and choose at least one of: cheerful, outgoing, generous Career: any Aspiration: one or more in the social category Optional: Additionally complete successful lineage or big happy family and continue gameplay Style: any - home with lots of space for hosting gatherings, yellow as a focus color would be a good choice

You had a pretty perfect childhood - supportive parents, siblings to play with, space to roam, the whole nine yards. Only… it was still a little lonely. There's a whole world out there, and as much as you love your parents, they didn't really expose you to it, preferring to stay home. Well, you're grown up now, and you are going to bring the world to your family and your family out into the world. There's so many cool people out there and you are going to be friends with them all.

-Complete the social aspiration as a child -Maintain a group of friends (use club system if you have get together) your whole life, adding members as you age and make more friends -maintain good friends level friendship with all club members -Fall in love with and marry someone with the family oriented trait -have at least two kids -take at least one family vacation -maintain friendship levels with all family members (siblings, parents, spouse, kids) at at least the good friend level -host family and friend gatherings frequently - if you have growing together: have a family reunion at least every 4 sim weeks - if you have seasons: host gatherings for every relevant holiday (e.g. no gathering needed for lottery day or love day, but harvestfest yes) -Optional: have one parent die as an elder and move the other in to live with you and your family, take care of them until they die -Optional: have a pet dog all your adulthood -Recommended: complete an aspiration in the family category as well (successful lineage or big happy family) - this will require continuing to play a bit beyond the 10th generation

[sageluvsjoel]

A Birthday to Remember

(Part Three to "A Different Kind of Miracle")

jackson!joel miller x reader x autistic! daughter

Requested HERE

masterlist

summary: You and Joel celebrate your daughter’s birthday in Jackson and have to navigate it together.

wc: 1.3k

likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

i do not authorize plagiarism or copying of my work!

It was the first birthday she could really understand. Your daughter was now three, and this birthday felt like a turning point. She was growing fast, becoming more aware of the world around her—and her place in it. So you and Joel had decided to throw her a small party, just a gathering of close friends and neighbors in Jackson. Nothing too big. Nothing too overwhelming. At least, that was the plan.

The sun hung low over the town, casting a golden light across the square as people trickled into your yard. It was a perfect day for a birthday—warm but not too hot, the breeze carrying the faint scent of the flowers that lined the fences. You’d set up a long table with snacks and decorations, a simple cake in the center with her name written in soft, delicate icing.

Joel stood off to the side, watching as you helped her with some colorful balloons, her small hands grasping at the strings with delight. You caught his eye and smiled, your heart swelling with warmth. It wasn’t just the party or the weather—it was seeing her so happy, so alive. Joel had been more anxious than usual today, though he’d been trying not to show it. Birthdays, especially after everything that had happened in his life, were both a blessing and a source of quiet fear. He was grateful for every day she grew older, but the thought of her growing up in a world like this gnawed at him.

As more people arrived, the little yard began to fill with soft chatter and laughter. Tommy showed up first, bringing along Maria, who had a gift in hand wrapped in bright, mismatched paper. Ellie was close behind, holding a small stuffed animal she’d been saving for this occasion. She gave a mock sigh as she handed it over to your daughter, who beamed up at her with wide eyes. “Happy birthday, kiddo. You better like that, took me forever to find it.”

Joel chuckled at that, ruffling Ellie’s hair. “She’ll love it, don’t you worry.”

Ellie grinned, but her eyes shifted to Joel’s daughter, watching her with a mix of amusement and affection. The bond between them had been slow to grow, but it was solid now, the way big sisters and little sisters naturally were. Even though Ellie was rough around the edges, there was a softness she reserved just for her.

The party started off small, just as you’d hoped—your daughter flitting around the yard, alternating between her new toys and the few kids who came by with their parents. She stayed close to you and Joel, her face lighting up every time someone handed her a gift or said, “Happy Birthday.” You could see she was happy, in her own quiet way. But the closer it got to the cake, the more she started to cling to you, her small fingers wrapping around your arm.

“She alright?” Joel asked softly, watching as she tugged at your shirt, wanting to be held.

“She’s fine, I think,” you said, though you could feel the tension creeping in. Her behavior was subtle, but you knew the signs—she was starting to get overwhelmed.

Ellie nudged Joel’s side. “It’s cake time, right? We gonna sing or what?”

Joel’s face twitched, torn between the moment and the anxiety that had been brewing in his chest all day. He glanced at you, and you gave him a nod, signaling that everything was okay, for now.

“Alright, let’s do it,” he said, forcing a smile.

The cake was placed in front of her on the table, the small crowd gathering around to sing. You watched her carefully, her wide eyes scanning the room, her fingers tapping on the edge of the table in that way she always did when she was anxious. The moment the first note of “Happy Birthday” was sung, you felt her body stiffen next to you.

“Happy birthday to you…”

The noise, the attention, the sudden burst of voices all around her—it was too much. Her eyes darted around the group, her breathing quickening, and before the song was halfway through, she let out a small, high-pitched whine, her hands flying up to cover her ears.

“Happy birthday, dear—”

Suddenly, she let out a loud sob, and the song came to an awkward, stumbling halt.

Your heart clenched as she buried her face in your chest, her small body trembling, the meltdown hitting hard and fast. Joel’s eyes went wide with panic, his hands hovering helplessly for a second before he rushed over.

“Hey, hey, baby girl,” Joel said softly, kneeling down beside you. “It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re right here.”

The crowd backed away, giving her space, but their concerned murmurs filled the air, making the atmosphere feel heavy and stifling. You held her tightly, whispering soothing words as you rocked her gently.

“I’ve got you,” you murmured. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s just too much, I know. I know.”

Joel shot a glance at Ellie, who was standing nearby, her face a mix of worry and confusion. “Ellie, can you—”

“On it,” Ellie muttered, already stepping in to quietly usher people away from the table, shooing them with her hands. “Alright, folks, party’s over here. Move along, nothing to see.”

Tommy and Maria helped her clear the area, and soon the space was quiet again, the voices fading into the distance as people moved to the other side of the yard, giving your family privacy.

Joel reached out, rubbing small circles on your daughter’s back as she continued to cry, her little fists clenched tightly in your shirt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice tight with guilt. “I didn’t think—”

“It’s not your fault,” you said softly, shaking your head. “We both thought it’d be okay. Sometimes… it just happens.”

He swallowed hard, his eyes filled with that same helplessness you’d seen too many times before. “I hate seein’ her like this.”

“I know,” you whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “But we’ll get through it. We always do.”

It took time—long, slow minutes of calming her down, of rocking her back and forth, of speaking to her in soft tones. Her crying eventually slowed to sniffles, her body relaxing in your arms as she curled up against you, utterly drained. She wasn’t fully back yet—she was still lost in her own world, overwhelmed by everything—but the worst of the storm had passed.

Joel reached out, brushing a lock of hair away from her damp cheeks. “You’re okay, baby girl,” he whispered. “You’re safe.”

Ellie came back over, a small, sheepish grin on her face as she crouched down next to you. “Think I scared everyone off,” she said, her voice quieter than usual. “You guys okay?”

Joel nodded, though his expression was still tight, his shoulders tense. “Yeah… I think so.”

“She didn’t like the singing,” Ellie said with a small shrug. “Can’t say I blame her. That was a lot of voices.”

You let out a quiet laugh, even though your heart was still heavy with the aftermath of the meltdown. “Yeah, it was.”

Ellie glanced at your daughter, who was now resting her head against your chest, her eyes half-closed. “You want me to grab her some cake? No singing this time, promise.”

Joel let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Thanks, Ellie. But maybe later.”

Ellie gave a mock salute and wandered off, leaving the three of you in the quiet of the yard. You and Joel exchanged a look—one filled with all the unspoken words you didn’t need to say. This wasn’t easy. It never would be. But you had each other. And as much as the world had thrown at you, you’d learned how to weather the storms together.

“I think next year, maybe we keep it small,” you suggested, rubbing gentle circles on your daughter’s back.

Joel nodded slowly, his hand still resting on her shoulder. “Yeah… small sounds good.”

But for now, all that mattered was that she was here, safe in your arms. The rest of the world could wait.

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[carmisse]

Of Tyelkormo and Moryo.

Tyelkormo loves Carnistir.

It was hard for him to be so at first. He was happy when his Ammë told him that he would be a big brother, he thought constantly about the new baby and waited impatiently for its arrival.

It turns out that Moryo is not what he expected.

Atya tells him that when the baby grows up he will be delighted with him, and that he will not leave him alone, for his part he really hopes so, he wants someone to follow him like Makalaurë to Maitamo, he has always wanted his own little brother.

He makes sure to be present with Moryo, he even taught him to walk, the first time Carnistir walks he addresses him, not Maitamo, not Makalaurë, Ammë or Atya, just him.

He waits a little longer but things turn out strange, because once Moryo is a little boy he has no intention of staying around him, in fact whenever he tries to take him to play with him, Carnistir slips away and the next time he sees him, he is being cradled by Nelyo or Atya. Makalaurë says it's okay, that he can play with him instead of Moryo, but I can't help sobbing at being ignored by his brother.

Trying hard to find things to do together, the first thing they do is to go to the forest where the noises although soft, are too much; Moryo cries because of the noise, Atya is the one who comes to calm him down while patting Tyelko's back.

He thinks about giving up when Ammë tells him that there will be another baby at home. Maybe the new baby will love him, Curufinwë is born, but as much as he loves him intensely, no one will replace Moryo.

One day, when they are all out in the gardens of their home, Moryo is the one who takes a feather from the grass and braids it against his hair, his brother has soft fingers, they are gentle and skillful.

He says nothing to him, never says anything, is silent, speaks to no one except perhaps grandfather, but Morifinwë smiles, at least when he feels safe to do so, he loves Moryo for the way he is, even if other elfings say he is strange.

Morifinwë is the one who embroiders his first cloak when he joins the cult of Oromë.

Morifinwë is the one who takes his hand when he feels Atarinkë overtakes him.

Morifinwë is the one who dies in his arms with an expression of fear in his eyes.

[serawritesthings]

hi! do you take requests? if not you can discard this but i really love the way you write emotionally charged moments so i’d love your writing style on this prompt, it can be a one shot or more of a blurb whichever you like: so perhaps taking place post canon where arthur is found half dead on that cliff and reader is nursing him back to health, trying hard to stay strong and believe he’ll get better but arthur is just waiting to die any day now and wishing he hadn’t been found, until he hears reader in another room crying to herself having to see him so deathly ill like that and slowly losing hope. so he starts feeling more determined to at least try for her sake and maybe see her smile one last time. but in the end he does get better, not quite back to his full strength yet but better 🥹 hope i didn’t ramble too much, i absolutely love your work and the way you write and i can’t wait to see what you post next 🫶🏻

IN TREMBLING ARMS

Pairing | Arthur Morgan x Fem! Reader Summary | While the world you had built around yourself seemed to crumble right before you, the last measures to sustain your happiness grew hard to take as the man you love fell deeper into his own despair. Tags | Angst-heavy, description of violence and wounds, fluff somewhere... :o Word Count | 11.4k A/N | Hiiii lovelies! ♡ I recently got this request that I really liked the sound of, which meant I obviously had to write it;) I hope what I wrote was in tune with what you had in mind! Enjoy! Also, thank you for the kind words♡

The pain of recalling an old life is surely something we’re all familiar with. Undoubtedly, it’s a brutal world we live in, one that sometimes takes too much and only gives small crumbles in return. You often found yourself crawling the ground to pick up these crumbs, laden with dust and dirt, just like your joyous memories are tainted in blood and pain–small glimpses of happiness amidst the hardship in day-to-day life, the tiny things that make living worth fighting for.

They were all thanks to Arthur. You’d been aware for quite a while that he didn’t think highly of himself, meaning he couldn’t possibly estimate how much his presence impacted your life. He couldn’t see that every good memory lately was in his favor–how he held your entire world in the bare palm of his hands. He could never understand, and you could tell he didn’t.

Every part of you was clinging to the last remains of a man who dropped the world’s weight off his shoulders, preparing to breathe the last breaths on this earth, alone and without you. It was so close now that you could almost taste it. You could tell by how his shoulders dropped heavily in resignation, the words that grew dull and lifeless, and his wit that never failed to bring a smile to your lips disappeared. 

Even so, you saw glimpses of the man you fell for, and if you looked closely, you could find those few crumbles that gave you hope, even though they were ridden with filth. He’d still pinch your waist lightly to jest when you were in a bad mood, always putting your comfort above his own, even though he needed it more.

The burden on his shoulders was heavier than ever when he returned from being out. He was no doubt following Dutch's careless orders that, with time, became more uncaring and, worst of all, unsafe. It bothered you heavily that there was no regret anymore as he bid his orders around like Arthur wasn’t hunching down in exhaust with every step, more often than not needing a seat as coughs so rough wrecked through him, never failing to make you cringe.

Of course, Arthur could take care of himself, never stopping short of explaining that to you. But now, times were different, and you could see his eyes grow slightly more hollow every time he returned to you, and his bloodshot eyes grew into normality.

So naturally, you never stopped short when voicing your concerns to Arthur, but he was so headstrong he refused to acknowledge the toll everything was taking on his body. Deep down, you wondered if he continued since he had come to terms with his fate, putting other’s safety before his own because he had simply stopped trying. 

He damned you for not listening to him, but his words held no real threat because he couldn't find it in himself to force you away against your will. So he let you stay, and through his violent coughs and wheezing, he always felt you rub his back soothingly, knowing that his time was running short. Because of this, he took every chance to bask in your gentle touches that felt more like home than anything else.

"Did you find out anything about John today?" Speaking softly, you run your fingers through his tousled hair, undoubtedly from wearing his rugged hat all day, observing his tired face as you were on his lap, Arthur sitting down as he came back to rest his aching legs.

"Mmm, we did." Thumbing at the fabric of the shirt you had stolen from him, he let the words rumble softly against you, breathing warmly against the chilled skin of your cheek.

"Abigail's real worried, you know, begged to come with us." Humming, you pondered over his words. Your dear friend has been over her head in worry as of late, the disappearance of John not doing the slightest to ease her anxiety.

"We'll get him back." You weren't sure if you were reassuring Arthur or yourself, but then again, there wasn't much you were sure of anymore. It seemed unlikely that anything you would say would comfort him, but that didn’t mean you didn’t try–every chance you got, you wanted to make him see reason.

Bringing you closer, he breathed heavily into your shoulder, throat whistling slightly from the strain, as his hands gripped your waist firmly, sighing in contentment when you hugged him back.

"How are you feeling?" you whispered, earlier taking notice of his eyes that had grown redder than usual and the slight blood stain he hastily wiped when you approached him, hoping you didn't get the time to spot it.

"The usual, I guess." Nodding slightly to appear positive before you, he let out a heavy sigh.

As the silence stretched, he kissed the top of your head lovingly after a while when you nuzzled your head further into his shoulder, savoring the moment since you hadn’t seen him much these past days. 

"Tomorrow, me and Sadie thought about goin’-" You didn't give him a chance to finish, lifting your head from his shoulder as a frown appeared. God, you knew it was coming, but you had hoped he would still see reason and not do something stupid like that in his condition.

"Couldn't someone else go with Sadie? You not-" Catching yourself before you said the words you knew would get him riled up, you sighed slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm just so worried about you, Arthur. About everything."

"Hey." Cradling you closer, he softly grabbed your chin between his calloused fingers, beckoning you to meet his warm gaze. "What did we talk about, hm? I'll be alright." 

You grabbed his cheek and stroked your thumbs against the scarred skin. He was so beautiful to you, just like he had always been, and you were sure he would scoff at you if you voiced your thoughts. But it was true. That face had seen you through the most challenging times of your life, and never had they been the reason for your tribulations and sadness. 

"Now you're just lying to me to make me feel better." A long silence followed as you stared at each other, both stubborn beyond means, until the corners of his mouth raised slightly, a low chuckle rumbling deep in his chest. Rolling your eyes, you couldn’t help but smile against your will, trying to keep your previous frown on your face. 

His eyes, often weathered and wise, turned into soft pools of warmth and affection as they gazed at you. The world’s weight seemed to lift every time, even now, leaving only the tender vulnerability of a man deeply in love.

"Now, now," he spoke, words growing into his usual teasing tone as he grazed his hands along the fabric covering your sides, a wicked smirk growing on his lips. There’s an intoxicating allure to how his lips curve, never stopping short of making the butterflies in your stomach go haywire. "There's that smile I've been looking for." 

Slightly tickling the sides of your stomach, you gasped as you tried peeling his hands away when a giggle left you from the unexpected sensation. Damned be Arthur and his refusal to let you worry about him, always trying to lessen your pain when he was severely worse. 

"No, Arthur! Stop it!" Laughing merrily, he placed small kisses in the small crevice of your neck, relentlessly tickling your sides as you squirmed in his arms, an ugly laugh leaving you as you found it harder and harder to breathe amidst his torture. He snickered audibly at the sound leaving you, always finding humor in the strange quirks he loved so much.

The moment didn't last long, though, for the gut-wrenching coughs that left him amidst your banter made the cheerfulness of the moment quickly grow into a distant memory. Arthur would tell you he was okay and that all he needed was a few moments, just like he always did, but you both knew the disease was growing more severe as time passed.

Your precious memories grew less and less, though, and as time passed, there were hardly any crumbs left for you to pick up. The ugly paint of power, distrust, and hatred covered them. A hatred that grew so deep in every single being that surrounded you, and even in yourself. Hostility from one’s upbringing, misfortune, and wrong-doings. Bitterness for striving towards a goal that doesn’t have a finishing line, only a no-return sign at both the start and end. 

A selfish disdain, it is, and oh so human. How could you possibly find the end where everyone could make amends when they had no will to change? How could you save him when he didn’t want to be saved? His only interest now was to get everyone away from the gang that he could for the time being. It had been apparent for some time now that whatever this was, it was over.

Because of this, Arthur told you to leave some time ago. He had begged you on his hands and knees as the blood he coughed up dripped like rain down his paled, gray skin. A beautiful tragedy it was, one that would leave people in a theater with tears glistening down their cheeks as the sight before them clenched at their hearts. That wasn’t how you experienced it, though. It was more like someone cutting through your numb skin and laying your heart down on the table to unfold every crevice and nook to prod at every part that hurt so terribly with a knife. 

It made you wonder if hearts could bleed. You weren’t sure, but somehow you knew yours did as every strained cough from the man you love caused the tears that fell from your eyes to turn into a deep red, mingling with his on the ground. 

As he begged, you could only stare at the ghost of a man you once loved: the warm skin turning cold under the palm of your hands, calculating and mischievous eyes growing vulnerable and exposed, and strong arms that once held you tightly, weak and skinny. They gripped your skirt for dear life like the sullen fabric covered with filth kept his weary body alive. And god, how you tried, despite the pitying looks thrown your way and resistance from Arthur's side, you wanted to keep him alive.

You had hated no one in your meager, seemingly insignificant life, but you hated Arthur. You hated him passionately for trying to make you leave behind the only thing that made you feel even the slightest bit of happiness. The only reason you had stayed with these people for so long was him, only him, and now he asked you to leave so he could spend the rest of his short time either getting shot or dying from his disease?

“You go now, or I’ll drag you on that train myself and tie you to the seat.” Silence had followed his last attempt to push you away, thick with a wave of heated anger from both of you as the remnants of your love grew shrouded in an unwillingness to understand. You didn’t want to recognize his worry, for you knew it would be the end for you and him.

“I ain’t got much left to lose now, so I must do this. You have to understand. Go.” The bitterness in his words grew colder as he spoke; the conversation that started so filled with passion grew harsh.

“Don’t get much to lose?” Your meek voice was choked up with frustration as you felt your heart drop to the ground. “What about me?!” 

Everything hurt deeply, like he had set your whole body alight and then stomped on the remaining ashes. You had tried so hard to keep your head straight for Arthur through these challenging times, following every step he took loyally, never once questioning his decisions. Him telling you to leave had been the final straw. For him to expect you to give up everything you had done for him made you wonder how much you were worth to him.

“You can’t just tell me to leave!” Broken sobs left you when you spoke, hands trembling where you tried to rip his hands off your skirt, anything to lessen the tightening in your chest. When he didn’t ease his grip, your hands hit his chest as tears flowed down your warm cheeks. He closed his eyes from where he sat, the grip on your skirt turning his skin ghostly pale as you tried to create some distance, refusing to let you back away. 

In your head, he was supposed to want you with him until the last second, and you could not dare imagine it any other way. Because of this, it wounded you deeper than he could imagine.

The hands that never once had grown harsh with you only pulled you closer, letting you bat tirelessly at him while your eyes grew heavy with a furious sadness gnawing at your insides. The surrounding air had become thicker than it usually was in the confines of Beaver Hollow, so it left you gasping for air as the distress wound its way around your throat.

His eyes were as warm as they always seemed when looking at you, and you damned him for it. Even when Arthur broke your heart, he rendered you entirely at his mercy the way he kept this gaze reserved for only you–like he understood you.

“I hate you.” Growing weak, you sank to your knees and rested your weary head on his chest, letting him hold you as you trembled in his sickly arms. 

Soon after that, it seemed everything had reached a breaking point, and it couldn’t have been late enough. Arthur put you behind Sadie on the tall horse, making her promise to get you somewhere safe while he went and risked his life. Risk it for what you thought, kicking and screaming at him as he lifted you. Sadie was trying to comfort you, her hand on your waist as the worry for you and Arthur filled her mind.

"Let me down!" Tears were falling from your bloodshot eyes, filled with endless pools of agony and sorrow as the man before you avoided your gaze. "You're not sending me away!" You attempted to swing your leg over the saddle as you spoke through the hiccups that wrecked through you, fighting against Sadie’s hold.

"Please, sweetheart, come on." Broad arms caught your waist hastily, lifting you to put you back behind the worried woman. "Go with Sadie, now; she'll keep you safe." His voice grew distressed as you resisted, a deep worry for your safety that he always kept as a priority clouding his thoughts when you didn’t comply.

Not listening to him, you shimmered down the horse and threw your arms around Arthur's familiar embrace, burying your head in his shoulder as you breathed in his familiar scent. "Don't leave me here; please take me with you." 

You knew now that his death was inevitable, an end you had refused to acknowledge as possible ever since you first set your eyes on him. Despite this, the love you kept for him made everything pale in comparison, not wanting to spend the endless days of the remaining part of your life without him. If he would find his solace in death, so would you.

He didn't answer you, instead wounding his arms around your smaller frame as he hugged you tightly against him, trying to map out every part of you into his mind so that even in death, he could remember the feeling of you forever. 

"Don't go." You begged him without shame, holding onto him tightly as your tears darkened the material of his shirt. "I'm begging you."

You felt a pair of hands cover your cheeks, the blue orbs you knew so well staring reassuringly into yours, hiding the endless anguish taking cover behind its facade.

"I love you, sweetheart." His voice shook as he spoke, gazing with a terrible agony into yours. "I love you so much, you hear me?" Shaking your head slightly as he said, you could only weep as you realized your attempts to save him were useless. 

"I love you too, Arthur," you said through sobs. Arthur was stroking the tears from your eyes as he pulled you in one last time, face scrunching together from having to leave you as he kissed the top of your hair.  

So, in the end, he watched you leave as you stared after him in disbelief when Sadie set off, your body growing numb as he disappeared between the forest trees, hugging the woman as sobs wrecked through you.

"God." Crouching down, he panted as coughs broke through the silence surrounding him after you departed. But it didn’t seem to be the only thing rendering him on his knee as the dirty ground prodded at his knees, the all-to-consuming thought of never seeing you again clamping at his heart something so fierce he thought he might heave.

He had never been a stranger to heartache, having lived a life full of gut-wrenching memories and stories that were not for the faint-heartedly. But this, this was something entirely else. All these years of fighting, never knowing where he would rest his head the next night, and for what? So he could be free? He had been angry, so very angry at the world. 

It all felt meaningless now, the constant blood on his hands, the pain he had brought others that might as well have been him had he chosen another path, the choice to drag you with him to the gates of hell instead of taking your hand and running off so he could keep you forever. 

And in the end, as he lay there on the mountain, bleak eyes staring at the rising sun, he could feel an unfamiliar peace crawl up his feet, relaxing the very troubled muscles that had never rested up to his chest where a heavy weight had been present his whole life. In it, the heaviness had torn a big hole in his chest that pulled every good thing that had found him in his life into the prolonged darkness. 

 But somehow, a relief was spreading in his mind as he figured peace was closer than he thought, slowly and surely beginning to unfold in front of him. Darkness spread around him as the last lights reached his eyes before the tired lids grew shut, the now ever-so-strong memory of you branded into his mind.

–

You were no stranger to the rain. As a child, you reveled in the droplets that fell from the sky when the clouds formed. It was so simple, yet a memory so strong that it stuck with you throughout your life. Now, though, the rain that clung to your clothes only made the numbness grow worse, unable to feel your fingers as you rode on the muddy path that stretched before you, slippery and treacherous. It was no longer comforting, raking through your body like ice, chilling you from tip to toe.

Although not sure of your actions, there wasn't a single regret in your body for leaving both Sadie and Abigail when they found John, taking the first chance to head back the way you came from, the glimmer of hope that you would discover Arthur alive pushing you on, even though it dimmed with time. 

When John returned, he could only look at you sadly while shaking his head, the look in his eyes enough for you to understand that Arthur hadn’t come with him. But you knew, of course you did, that he wasn’t coming back to you; his words and your knowledge of his ways are telling enough.

You had calmed down now, thinking more logically, but you preferred how you felt before instead of the hole beginning to form in your chest. It consumed you, growing bleaker and bleaker with time, making you wonder if you would ever find Arthur.

You found him eventually, but the torment of seeing him lying lifeless as the warm, lingering evening sun glazed over his skin beat at your bruised heart. For the first time since you’ve known him, he looked so small, like his body was cowering against the ground, seeking shelter from the cold breeze and a world that had grown so cruel, so malicious. 

If the anguish following his departure was anything to go by, the sheer pain that shot through you after your bewildered moment of silence could only be likened to a thousand times worse. What you had feared the most seemed to be reality now, and it couldn’t have hurt any less.

Your aching feet, sore from climbing the far way up the mountain, ran the muddy path up to him as your hands enclosed his cold cheeks–swollen and purple with bruises as dried blood covered the majority of his skin. 

“No, no, no!” You mouthed the words since you couldn’t get a single sound to leave you, a force so firmly clamping at your throat. You grabbed his clothes, shaking him as if it would make a difference and show a sign of life. It didn’t work, so you could only wrap your trembling arms around his neck, wailing out his name while begging the heavens above to bring him back to you, for the pain was too much to bear.

How would you continue life without him? The thought was too heavy to consider, your distressed mind refusing to believe he was gone. He’d always rise back up the moment something brought him down, so strong mentally and physically that you sometimes wondered how he was real. Why couldn’t he do that now and spare you all this hurt?

“Do you remember when we first met, how you always told me we would run away, just you and me?" Grabbing his hand, you placed small, lingering kisses on the battered knuckles, intertwining his fingers with yours as your voice trembled fiercely. 

There had been a magnetic pull in the way his gaze had lingered on you when he spoke of his deepest wishes as if every word was a silent vow etched into the very fabric of your relationship. It’s something you both said of often when everything grew heavy, like an escape from reality to what things could be.

“How can we do that now if you’re going to leave me?” Sobs wrecked through you, gazing at his closed eyes while you internally begged for them to open. “Why are you leaving me?!”

Resting your head on his chest, you breathed in the scent solely your Arthur as he flooded your senses. Your guttural cries of anguish filled the air until your voice broke, eyes growing heavy with strain while you could only lay there with him, imagining he was alive under you.

Your head had grown empty after that, laying upon the body you had so many times before. You remembered the moments of complete and utter peace when he held you in the confines of his tent, warm hands always managing to find sanction around your waist no matter how exhausted he was.

The thought made you smile, remembering how his heartbeat would pick up as you intertwined your fingers. He was in many ways stoic, rarely sharing how you affected him, but you knew. In secret, of course, you knew, and you would kill to feel that again.

But when he fell asleep underneath you, the beating pattern would cease and instead follow a slower thud, never failing to bring you to sleep. Just like it beat now, you felt the lids of your eyes that were still wet with tears grow heavy under the comforting thudding of his heart, lulling you closer and closer to sleep.

Your eyes shot open so fast that you almost got a whiplash, raising your knees in disbelief. Arthur was lying still even now, body still beaten and bruised, but as you put your fingers on his pulse, you could feel it.

There it was, the slight thud of a pulse buried deep between the layers of skin and flesh, keeping Arthur alive despite the turmoil that had rendered his body almost inert. Grabbing the sides of his face, you shook it slightly, hope now filling your mind even though he didn’t move a single muscle. 

God, he was alive, even though barely. The air got lodged in your throat as you felt puzzled, having been dead set on having to bury a corpse. 

“Arthur, can you hear me?” Not a single indication left him as you spoke, wiping the hair covering his eyes so you could get a better look at him. A slight fluttering of his eyelashes could be seen as your voice broke through the stillness of the mountain. The more you grabbed his body in disbelief, the more movements you saw from him: fingers twitching slightly, small intakes of breath, and brows furrowing in small motions. 

Raising on your feet, you sat down with his head in your lap, stroking his cheeks gently before you started tapping at them briskly, anything to wake him up. It didn’t work, so you started calling for him loudly, hoping it would reach him wherever he was. 

“God dammit, Arthur, wake up!” 

That did it. Unfocused eyes began to open up from underneath you, though Arthur found it difficult because of the swelling around the eyes. Seeing him so beaten up hurt you heavily, but you put all your energy into making him regain consciousness, forcing the turmoil far away from your mind. 

“Hey, look at me. Can you see me?” The slightest motion of a nod could be seen, and you thanked whoever above that he responded to you.

Although through blurry eyes, he could see a slight indication of you hovering above him, wondering if he somehow had ended up in heaven to be able to gaze at you one last time. But maybe it was hell after all, the torturing fire replaced with you, barely in reach where he couldn’t touch you, which was the worst kind of torture he could conjure up.

You could see his fingers flex slightly, in your mind trying to show signs that he heard you, but in his stretching so he could reach out to you to touch the softness of your skin with his sinful hands.

“I need your help, Arthur. I can’t carry you alone, so you need to try, okay?” To be quite honest with yourself, you had no idea what you were doing, never mind if it was even possible to get him to move to the state he was in. But you had to try, at least. You weren’t leaving him here to fend for himself in search of help, pondering if those few moments could lead to his death. It was the only way.

“I told you to leave.” Amidst his close-to-death confusion, Arthur had grown more conscious, managing to speak as his eyes closed again. He realized you weren’t conjured up; instead, you were as real as could be as you prodded at his exhausted limbs. 

You ignored his hurtful words, putting your arms under his head so you could assist in getting him to raise. He wasn’t light, that was for sure, but still, you tried until he was sitting up, although his head was hanging low and his back was arched forward in exhaustion.

“Come on, Arthur, I need you to help me.” Amidst your tries to keep him upright, you felt the all too familiar flood of tears threatening to flood from your eyes when the challenge felt impossible. You never felt so weak as you did right now, the possibility of helping him stay alive fading against the man's heaviness and your weary muscles. 

“Honey, go. You-” Arthur slurred out as he almost dropped. “You shouldn’t be here.” Yelling in frustration as he once again fell towards the muddy ground, you put your hand over your face as the dam of tears broke.

“I’m not leaving you here to die, Arthur!” Taking a deep breath, you bent down again to try once more. His eyes were barely open now, staring at you in pain. “Please, just try.”

A loud grunt left him as he raised again, hands gripping the soil underneath him, damning your stubbornness. Although weak, you managed to get him to stand, leaning most of his weight on you. It was hard, no doubt, to feel his body supporting your smaller one, but it worked, for now. The breaths leaving him were awful, and he gasped out loud as you stepped forward slowly. 

“This ain’t gonna work, honey,” Arthur mumbled, not a single hope left in his body to survive the long way to safety.

“Yes, it is.” You refused to listen to him, mind set straight on getting him to the horse. 

Far back in your mind, you remembered a place Arthur used to take you, always going on about a man he used to hunt with until your ears bled. He had told you of its location when the poor man had died, bringing you there once. That should be fine, you thought. Hopefully, it was empty. If not, you have another problem on your hands. 

The way back to the mare was challenging, with both of you falling countless times as the ground underneath you was uneven and riddled with stones. But your stubbornness wasn’t in vain because, after some time, you saw the familiar black coat of the horse appearing in front of you like an angel.

Not a single sound left him, eyes now almost closed as coughs left him then and again, both body and mind tired. He was taller than you, so he got on the horse much faster than you initially thought possible. Soon after, you swung your legs over the saddle in front of him, letting him lean his weight on you as you circled his arms around your waist so he wouldn’t fall off. 

“Stay awake, Arthur.” Glancing back when you didn’t get an answer, you only met a tuft of hair as his head fell on your shoulder. “Come on, I can’t do this without your help.” 

The road to the house you barely remembered was long, and you couldn’t ride too fast, worried about the grip on you that grew less by the minute. Thankfully, he had managed to stay awake the whole ride, but you felt his breathing grow more unstable and shallow. 

The weather on that mountain had been forgiving, like time and space had stopped moving in sorrow, the warm sun covering you in its blanket. Now, though, the howling wind surrounding you made your surroundings bitterly cold, arms held in front of you to see where you were going.

Many times, you tried to speak to make sure he was still with you, but your voice grew muted against the forceful wind, so you gave up, hoping his weight on you meant he held some sort of consciousness.

As time passed and darkness began to spread around you, a small house by a lake appeared behind many trees and foliage. It was different from what you remembered, but still, somehow the same, staring back at you like some sort of angel, the promise of comfort egging you forward.

Not a word was exchanged as you helped him down the horse, a solemn resignation making him follow your will without a complaint, or maybe he was too tired to complain; you weren’t sure.

Stumbling through the doorway, it felt just as cold as outside, shivers shooting through you. It felt strange just barging into a dead man's home, but you deemed your selfishness just, Arthur’s health at the forefront of your mind. Empty of life, it was, and it made you relax slightly, not having to worry about someone else taking refuge here.

Soon, you could rest your heavy arms; you thought as the bed in the right corner of the house appeared before you like a halo. With the door closing behind you with a slam, you waste no time pulling Arthur with you in clumsy steps, letting him lay down on the soft mattress with a huff, dust flying around you as the bed creaked audibly under his weight. 

Glancing at Arthur, his face was still contorted in pain as it had been since you found him. You carefully lifted his legs on the bed, removing the filthy, wet shoes from his feet and throwing them to the floor. Leaning over him, you touched his freezing cheek, finding him already passed out.

Hastily, you removed the wet clothes from his shivering body, laying them by the foot of the bed as you hurried to drape the sheets as well as some pelts you found over him to warm him up. Looking around, you tried to get your hands on some firewood to warm up the house, thankfully finding some not too long after your search. Your arms complained, though, from the weight already spent from the strenuous day–blisters on your fingers only worsen it. 

The room soon filled itself with an orange glow, bouncing in heavy shadow on the walls, and your whole body huddled close to the fire as you warmed your hands for a moment, not realizing amidst your frenzy that you, also, were almost freezing to death in the chilly night.

It only lasted for a moment, though, the reminder of Arthur making you rise on your tired feet, rummaging through the cupboards and various wardrobes to find some supplies. Luckily, it appeared that the veteran kept quite the supplies on him, which you thanked him for under your breath. Some bandages you were sure you could still use were pushed into your arms, a few tonics that could lessen the pain, and, best of all, coughing medicine. 

Walking back on the creaking floor, you dragged a side table closer to the bed and placed what you had found in your search, running outside quickly to get the water pouch hanging off the mare. 

It wasn’t easy tending to Arthur; the number of hits he had taken was noticeable. Some kicks to his ribs, it seemed, amidst the various other bruises that loitered his skin. Stopping in your tracks, you wondered who could have done this. You hadn’t thought about it until now; your worry for his safety has been on your mind this entire time.

Micha.

The sudden thought of him sullied your mood even further, making you realize that no Pinkerton would leave him at the brink of death like that. Undoubtedly, they would have finished him off or taken him with them, another way to get to Dutch, for sure. 

Cringing deeply at every purple bruise you dragged your finger over, hatred for the man laying his hand on Arthur grew. It was more fierce now than ever, the persistent name-calling and teasing he put him through when the disease started taking its toll not nearly as severe as this. You knew Micha was capable of this; deep down, you had known.

And where was everyone else, you wondered. Thinking logically, everyone had most likely run away the second things went downhill, but Dutch and Charles? Javier? Had they lost Arthur as they escaped from Beaver Hollow? And why did John not return with him if he had been alive?

The questions were running wild in your mind, but you had to put your questions aside for now; there was enough time later to wallow in contempt and confusion. Instead, you focused on cleaning the rest of Arthur’s bloodied face and bandaging the more gruesome gashes on his body. You knew getting him better wouldn’t be easy, but you weren’t ready to give up.

Sighing audibly, you put your head on your knees when you had done all you could and dragged the sheets over his shivering form. Gods, you were tired. It felt like your whole body had been running on spurts of adrenaline until now, and now that you got the chance to sit down, it rushed over you like a tidal wave. The whole ordeal, by any means, had felt like a fever dream.

No, more like a nightmare, you concluded. It was strange, and everything had happened hastily like the time had been fast-forwarded. Quite the difference from now, as the only thing audible was you and Arthur’s breathing and the slosh as the water hit the bridge just outside, time seeming to stand still in the tiny house by the lake.

It felt nice, though, you concluded as your eyes grew heavy. It was like the air around here cleared your sullied head slightly from all the months of stress and worry–gaining some distance even though it wasn’t by much. You could see why the man who had lived here chose to stay, finding the landscape calming yourself. 

Often, Arthur would tell you about the man. Hamish, you believed his name was. A veteran, he said as he stroked your hair, telling you about the days he spent with him, softly lulling you to sleep. You had always found their relationship endearing but were only met with a scoff from Arthur every time you voiced your thoughts about their camaraderie. The idea made you smile.

You turned your gaze toward him, gazing thoughtfully. The swelling on his face was severe but not yet rendering him unrecognizable. You admired him for a moment, the rugged masterpiece under the purple bruises that the harsh strokes of life had always weathered. Yet he had always seemed to have been carved with a pen so beautiful everything it created couldn’t be anything less. Every scar, like poetic verses, had always added to his allure.

In many moments, Arthur’s gaze had been a haven for you, a refuge where you could peer into his most profound thoughts when he kept himself away from you. It was a place where you could find solace amidst all the chaos, a silent dialogue–a gaze that showed what he never said. But now they were closed, and the thought left you sadder than anything.

–

You had tended to Arthur many times before, and even though the scrapes had been nasty, this was something entirely else. His disease only worsened the state of his injuries, taking you ten steps back every time you thought you could see a flicker of consciousness in the following days.

Yet, he remained motionless on the bed for days on forward, awful coughing episodes making him shoot straight up from the mattress. Succumbing to the relentless coughing, it echoed in the room with harsh, hacking sounds. Each one seems to wrack his body, the force evident in how his shoulders tense and his grip tightens on whatever’s within reach, the strain etched on Arthur’s face, lines deepening with each cough. 

Your hands reach his back to reassuringly rub the warm skin, feeling helpless. Unable to stand his pain any longer, you retrieve the cough medicine you put on the side table, the label on the glass bottle promising relief. 

Too out of it to register what you were doing, he only lays there as you pour the liquid down his throat, and as soon as his sore throat swallows the last drops, his eyes flicker close, body relaxing in resignation on the bed.

“You would hate me if you were awake right now.” A breathless laugh left you, hand stroking the hair away from his face as you pondered how long he would stay like this. It seemed that’s what filled your days and nights now, constant worry as you sat plastered by the side of the bed, holding his hand tight as you prayed for whoever would listen to give him back to you. 

Rarely did you take the time to open the various cans loitering the cabins, filled with canned food and other things that would fill your stomach well? Instead, you grew nauseous at the thought of it. You took the chance to spoon Arthur some soup, though, the small moments between sleep and wakefulness, hoping it was enough to give him some energy.

Some nights, when the pain was too much to bear, you would wound yourself around Arthur like a snake, being mindful of his injuries as you rested your head on his chest. You would listen to the slow thumping of his heart that had grown steady, slowly falling into a deep sleep, letting your heart rest, if even for a moment.

–

You were unsure how much time had passed in that house, endless days bleeding into each other. Most time was spent looking after Arthur, and when you weren’t, you were perched on the wooden steps of the house, gazing into the flickering water of the lake. Your bleak eyes always stared heedlessly at the scenery before you, and although beautiful, it did nothing to lighten the intricate knot growing in your chest.

Despite trying to keep your head straight, doubts always come to mind whenever you don’t have your hands full. What if you had been wrong all this time, and Arthur wouldn’t get better? The possibility was big, but you couldn’t imagine doing it any other way as you thought more of it. But all this chaos and energy you put into keeping the very soul of him alive, what if it wasn’t enough? What could you do that would be enough?

You walked down the porch steps with light steps, bending down on the bridge to wash your face, hoping it would ease your mind. While it didn’t, seeing your drained face and bleak eyes greying your features worsened it. You could only sigh as the sight of your exhaust reflected in the water.

“God.” You said, sitting back on your heels as you stared into the distance, horrified. No wonder you hadn’t taken the moment to care for yourself in the drastic days of apprehension, having been too wrapped up in the horrifying complications. With closed eyes, you rinsed your face, refusing to give yourself another lookover as you walked back towards the house.

The sight that you saw when entering through the door made your heart rise your throat. Blue eyes you adored so much were staring back at you, and although laden with fatigue, they were halfway open, gazing at you indescribably.

Quietness followed your surprise, and after a moment of contemplation, Arthur mumbled out under his breath. “Why'd you come back?” 

His question hung heavy in the air; the only answer you could provide him was a face of bewilderment, mouth dry like cotton. 

“I can’t-” As Arthur closed his eyes, a sluggish arm came to rest over his eyes. “-can’t save you now.”

You motioned to speak, but the words were lodged somewhere deep down where you couldn’t bring it up. Instead, you stepped closer to Arthur with small steps, like he wasn’t real. He couldn’t be; you hadn’t been given that hope for the longest time. But he was breathing before you now, moving. 

You were so quiet at this moment you even surprised yourself, but as you crawled your way beside Arthur and draped your arms around his neck as you had done so many times before, you found that the bridge holding your tears at bay had blocked the words so they couldn’t escape you. But the bridge overflowed, tears now running freely down your cheeks as the feeling of his arms finally circled your waist. 

He held you in that cranky, old bed for a long while, drowsy, sunken-in eyes closing in content regardless of his earlier concern, basking in the warmth your body provided his shivery one as his hands memorized you. The sunlight mirrored its way on your skin, the feeling now warm and tender, unlike the cold and empty touch it grazed with you before.

Arthur’s raspy voice pulled you closer in his embrace as he consoled you, tears wetting the skin on his neck as you gripped the strands of his hair tightly in your grasp.

“Hush, now.” He murmured out, voice so comforting it only increased your sobs.

"Breathe, sweetheart, breathe." Whimpering into his shoulder, you gasped for air between your snivels, breathing erratic that grew somewhat more stable as he ran his broad hand over the small of your back, hushing soothingly.

Things seemed to ease up from that day onward, and now that Arthur grew more conscious, you didn’t feel the draft of loneliness waft through you anymore. Still, he wasn’t up on his feet yet, heavily bedridden as the slightest movement could set off his coughing.

While his recovery gladened you something immensely, you could tell it put a heavy strain on his confidence; not used to being so weak and counterproductive. You could see how his eyes faltered when you tended to his wounds and how he avoided your gaze as you helped him eat, a deep confliction noticeable.

In these moments, he grew quieter than he usually was now. It was like he was waiting for something–something that was just out of his reach, putting a distance between you that wounded you deeply. You had to tell yourself many times to give him some time, to provide him with some peace of mind as he recovered from the trauma to both his body and soul.

So, you took the struggles daily, and as you stayed with him, you could see a glimmer of the Arthur you knew–the stubbornness, the humor, the fierce loyalty. But they are fleeting moments, overshadowed by the weight of his conviction that he is destined for a different path that doesn’t intertwine with the life you could offer.

“You know,” He told you one night, surprising you as you were plastered on the chair beside his bed, stroking the back of his hand while deep in thought. “I always felt at peace out here, like the air is different somehow.” He only got a hum as your eyes were locked on his fingers, intertwined with your smaller ones. 

“It’s something I always imagined for us.” He murmured, staring at the ceiling as he searched for the words to voice his thoughts rightly. “Well, when times grew hard, I thought about it quite a lot.” 

After some time, a small smile graced the corners of your lips, never having heard him be so open with you. You often voiced your wishes to run away together, towards something more fulfilling, something that would ultimately be safe. An ordinary life with Arthur was more than you could ever ask for, always opting to tell him about it late at night when he was too tired to react fully to your words.

It wasn’t possible; you both knew it, so it was only decided as wishful thinking. Also, Arthur always shot the idea down when you steered the conversation that way. He was too loyal to Dutch, finding your words unthinkable, constantly shaking them off as nonsense. Now, if it was because he felt that way or finding the thought hurting too much, you didn’t know. 

“I didn’t know you felt that way.” You spoke quietly, meeting his warm gaze as he stared at you, lifting your hand to his chest, where he placed it against his heart. 

“Mmh. Well, every time I passed here, I thought about you.” He smiled slightly at you, continuing as a rumbling chuckle left him mid-sentence. “Hamish asked about you quite a lot, found you fascinating, he said.”

“Me?” You raised your eyebrows, half-endearingly for the thought that Arthur talked about you and half-suprised that you made an impression on the man. “How come?”

“He wondered why a woman like you stayed with someone like me. Said you were doin’ charity work or somethin’ like that.” You rolled your eyes slightly in jest, bringing his hand to your lips as you placed a nimble kiss on the coarse fingers.

“Well, I happen to like doing charity work,” you mumbled against the skin, breath warming the cold tip of his fingers, finding Arthur gazing at you indescribably.

But some days, he let the words that he pondered about day in and day out be heard, and those moments were the hardest for you.

“I don’t understand you.” He would mumble as his head finally began to clear. You told him that John, Abigail, and Jack had likely gone to safety. It made his mouth’s corners chirp slightly, content they got on alright. But as matters turned to you, he suddenly became cold, eyes crinkling when his eyebrows screwed together.

“You get the chance to go and live your life to the fullest, yet you go back to try and save a man that already died a long time ago.” It appeared impossible for him to wrap his head around the thought, looking at you as if you were a scientific experiment. 

“You’re not dying.” 

“YES, I AM!” You gasped slightly as his voice grew loud suddenly, yelling out the words as his hand pointed at you, eyes wide open where he lay glued to the bed. 

“And all I want before I die is to see you safe, and you can’t even give me that!” 

He had never yelled at you like this if he had even yelled at you at all. Arthur had always tended to take the image of the rugged, unforgiving brute, but never had he been that way with you. It was always tender touches, calculating glances, and a sense of utter contentment when you were around–acting like you would break if he didn’t keep calm and collected.

It differed from now, the usually calm sea of his eyes now a stormy whirlpool, harshness lining the edges, and it was pointed towards you. You pulled your hands against your chest nervously, wishing to shrink into the ground to avoid his, to you, unjust fury.

“Stop.” Your voice grew quiet as the air in the room seemed to lessen, eyes shooting towards the ground. 

Groaning, Arthur raised his arms, gasping when he had to support his weight on it. Stepping forward to help him, you were only faced with his palm begging you to stay away. 

“Of course, I couldn’t leave you,” you reply gently. “Besides, I had to know what happened to you.” 

“Stubborn woman, didn’t I tell you to go? It ain’t safe anymore.” You backed away, not wanting to listen.

“Now I don’t know where the hell Dutch is, where Micha is, which means this is far from over. That’s why I’m sayin’ you shouldn’t stay!” He tried to reason with you, make you realize that your part in this was over.

He felt conflicted. Whenever he thought of you, he struggled between being selfish and thinking of what was best for you and what he needed to do to keep you alive through all of this. On one side, he longed for every part of you to remain with him, but on the other side, he couldn’t stand you being hurt on his behalf more than you had already been. 

He knew he crushed you in the process, it was undeniable, the cries that left you when placed behind Sadie before telling enough–but it had to be done, despite how much he despised himself for putting you through this. You were always so calm and level-headed that he couldn’t be anything more than heartbroken when you called after him that day, the distress so unlike you.

Arthur didn’t like it, which fueled him to push you away even further when he realized you didn’t see reason, deciding that the only plan left was to show you what kind of man he was, or rather, what kind of a man he was to everyone else. 

“This isn’t you talking, Arthur.” 

“What do you mean it ain’t me talkin’?” His face grew red with strain as he spoke, alerting you as you bent down to meet his gaze, placing your hands on either side of his cheek. He scrunched his eyes together, heart pleading to give into you as your ever–so-gentle hands closed around him.

“You're sick, Arthur, and you’ve been beaten to a pulp. Now, I don’t know what transpired on that mountain, and I’m not sure finding out would do me any good, but I thought-'' Stopping in your tracks, you closed your eyes. “I thought you had died, Arthur. I, I cried for you, thinking I would never see you alive again.” 

“I ain’t less than a ghost now, darlin’; you should have left when you had the chance.” He stared tiredly into your eyes and then turned away from you. “You have to accept that. It’d gone much easier if you left me on that mountain.” His heart beat as he voiced the reality of his thoughts, knowing it would hurt you, but the statement was also true.

Silence followed for a long time after that, the turmoil inside you breaking, seeping like blood from the cracks of your heart as you were left staring at the side of his face. 

“I’ve loved you for a long time, Arthur, but it has never felt like I’ve known you entirely.” While he gazed at you, the fury still raced deep in the blue orbs, coloring them darker with pain. 

“You have a barricade around your heart that I can never breach. And I tried; believe me, I did. For the longest time, I tried to be there for you, be something for you to come home to, to ease your mind that always was off somewhere else, somewhere I could never follow!” Your tone that started quietly grew loud as you spoke, heart racing inside your chest as the words fell like liquid out of your mouth.

“I can’t-” Your voice hitched, angry tears falling unwillingly from your eyes. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me in!”

“I don’t need your help!” You could see Arthur close off from you even more, pushing you away as the harshness of his voice cut you like a razor. “I never had!” His voice broke as he yelled, panting as he sat on the bed, hunching forward as frustration rose.

“Arthur!” You felt anger grow in your chest, finding him unbelievable as you swatted at his chest lightly, standing up to put some distance between you, seeing him trailing after you. “I’m done with you telling me to go when all I live for is you!” Fiery and consuming anger flared within you, setting your cheeks ablaze as you spun around to face him.

“Well, I’m over you being so stubborn all the time! Never listen to me when I only want to see you off safe, caring for me like it’s a glimpse of hope that I’ll survive!” A scoff of disbelief left you, staring at him as you almost laughed in shock.

“Me!? Stubborn!?” Your palm found your forehead, voice laced with anger-filled frustration. “That is very rich coming from Mister. I never listen to anyone other than myself!” You paused before you yelled. “Ever!”

“Because I know what’s best, alright!? And I know that you should be far, far away from me!” A fire started to show in his voice, but it also crept into your bones, warmth spreading on your cheeks. 

“Oh, and what?! Find some boring, middle-aged asshole who’ll tie me to the kitchen and make me have tea-party with some lifeless, dreary, pompous, old ladies?!” Your breathing was hectic as the words spilled out in a heated rush.

“Yes, that’s what I want, ‘cause that would mean you would be safe!” He stalked closer, cornering you at the door.

“I’d rather die, Arthur,” you said. “I’d rather die with you than face the long, bleak years of this world alone! You backed away, feeling suffocated when he didn’t give you any space to breathe.

“The only place I feel safe is with you, Arthur!” Your voice broke slightly, gripping his shirt to shake some sense into him. “It’s with you I’ve always felt at home!” Gripping his stubbled cheeks in your palms tightly, you pleaded with him as he gazed into your eyes. “I’m not leaving you; get that through your thick, dumb skull!”

“Stop being so goddamn unselfish and think about yourself for once!” He met your gaze, dark as he stared at you from underneath his brows. “Get out the hell out, leave!” 

You only stared at him, cold shivers like freezing water wrecking through you, backing towards the door as his shadow grew more prominent, stepping unbalanced on his feet towards you. Grabbing your shoulders in his broad hands, he stepped so close that all you could see were his eyes blaring into yours.

“Come on!” He yelled, shaking your body as if to shake some sense into your stubborn mind. “GO!”

Choking on your tears in distress, you were left gasping for air as you tried to breathe, feeling his body falter above yours. The coughs that now raked through him made you sink on the floor with him, and as the blood splattered on your dress, covering your chest in a deep red that contrasted the ivory fabric, you sat on the dirty floor, a man devoid of the will to live anymore laying in your trembling arms. 

After that, you only felt his lips that sought yours, entangling your limbs together like snakes in a snake pit–not a gentle surrender but a clash of hunger, a collision of lips borne from ages of holding back the reality.

Bloodied lips against bloodied lips met in a fierce urgency after taking a quick breath, fueled by the unspoken desires and the acknowledgment that, despite your disagreements, the love you kept for one another was deeply engrained in both of you, hearts unable to stand the hate you felt.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, gripping as if seeking reassurance as the world blurred. Anger melted into a raw vulnerability, frustration giving way to the unspoken plea, and the desperation grew more considerable than it ever had–and as you both pulled away, breaths heavy and gazed locked, the air crackled around you as he instead hoisted you up in his arms so you could fall into each other’s embrace yet again.

Your tears now rubbed their way down Arthur’s cheeks, your breath hitching as sobs still found their way through you. His broad hands pulled you tighter against him, the inner fight that took place in his mind showing as he wanted to push you away, only to draw you closer to his dying limbs.

“You know I ain’t a good man, honey. That ain’t going to change, ever.” His gaze was gravely and serious as he stared into your eyes, an uncanny vulnerability etching them deep down. “This life lives within me; I can’t escape it. I can’t escape the sins that I carry. I’ve done horrible things, things you couldn’t even dream of.” Sighing, he closed his eyes. “You know that.”

Your eyes softened as you saw the wrinkles in his face release, finally hearing something real coming from him. “You’re not your sins, Arthur. And even if you were, I’d carry them with you, lighten the burden.” Stroking his cheek with the tips of your fingers, he opened his forever lonely eyes, now staring into yours.

“God, I tried, honey. I tried to get you to leave, talkin’ to you in ways I’ve promised myself I never would–everything to get you to leave.” He pushed your head against his shoulder, resting his head on yours in defeat. “It was harder than I thought, see you cryin’ like that.” Sighing heavily, he continued. “But somehow, you always stay.”

“I’m not leaving.” You mumbled against his skin.

“There’s no mistaking that.” He chuckled, stroking your back. “Everything I do is to keep you safe; you’re so stubborn not to realize that.”

“I’m safe when I’m with you, Arthur.” He didn’t answer you for a while, holding you comfortingly. He felt the strings that held his will up loosen, giving up on trying to push you away, the sight of you sobbing tugging at his heart.

“I feel like all I do is make you cry lately.” Staring at your smaller arms that hugged him, the doubt that he still wasn’t good enough for you clouding his mind. 

“You make me cry when you push me away,” you admitted, your voice steadier now. “It hurts, Arthur.” He sighed, fingers still entangled in your hair, twisting your hair strands with his fingers.

“I know, honey,” he murmured, a concession to the unspoken ache.

“Then stop.” He lifted your head to make you look at him through wet eyes.

“Stop hurting me; I can’t handle it anymore.” He felt like you had shot him right in his chest as you begged him, staring through vulnerable eyes he rarely saw. He had done countless horrible acts in his life, but this was indeed to be pivoted as the worst, never having felt the pang of agony quite so brutal.

He couldn’t tell how long he would live now, down to his last breaths, but he didn’t have the power to keep you away from him any longer, not when you were so adamant about staying. Had you been angrier at him, he was sure you would take your things and leave him, but there was a part of you he so adoringly loved, a part that always seemed to care too much, love too hard. 

Somehow, he praised whoever made you that way because were you not, he would no longer have the light of his life in his arms, even if his time was running out. No longer would he be able to feel the graceful touch of your fingers on his skin and the sparkling in your eyes as you stared up at him in mischief, making him feel more alive than he had ever felt in his miserable life.

Hugging you closer to him, he captured your soft lips in his, feeling the ache only increase as he basked in the way you sighed, relieved. You felt the promise of not pushing you away anymore lingering in the corner of his mouth, dragging you closer to him as hope finally seemed in reach.

–

“And as the last light of day shone through the window, he realized how it felt like to hold the world in the palm of his hands, for her eyes were the window to everything he wishes for, and more.” Glancing mischievously into Arthur’s eyes through the pages, you conclude. “The end.”

Pushing the book’s pages close with a loud bang that echoed through the sunlit room dramatically, you presented him with a toothy smile.

“I never took our dear friend for being such a romantic, Arthur.” Raising from the bed, you spun around to face the man who seemed reluctant to let you go, bending down to stare into his eyes cheekily. “Are you sure you went hunting together? With all these books, maybe you spent your time cooped up here reading romance?” A giggle left you as you walked towards the stove, checking on the stew bubbling deliciously, the smell making your mouth water as it passed your nose when you opened the lid. 

Behind you, you could almost hear how Arthur’s eyes rolled back into his head, arms still outstretched towards you. “Sure,” he drawled, staring at you warmly as you teased him. “Our favorite pastime. How did you know?”

His sarcastic tone reached you as the warmth of the cooking burned your tongue slightly when you tried to get a taste, hissing as you dropped the spoon back into the pot. 

“You can’t fool me, Arthur; I know you’re a true romantic.” Pushing your finger against the sore part of your tongue, you turn to face him, resting against the counter. 

“It’s something I always imagined for us.” You mocked slightly, puffing out your chest as your voice grew into his familiar southern drawl, imitating your earlier talk with him some time ago.

Scoffing at you, he suddenly rose from the bed, the book falling from the floor as he stepped towards you. Perking up at his motion, you found yourself stuck as his arms encased around you, the warm scent of him mingling with the food as he stepped closer. 

Cowering slightly under his gaze, you giggled nervously as you leaned back. “Have you ever heard of personal space?” He didn’t answer you as you jested with him, palms finding each side of your face as his eyes observed you tenderly. 

God, he loved you like this. Ever since your fight, every obstacle that hindered you from growing closer to each other was breached. Every time you laughed, it filled his heart with warmth, finding the life he once fell in love with reaching you again as you settled; the hardest of times now passed.

He couldn’t help it as he pressed against you, sighing deeply as your lips found his in a loving caress, smoothing over one another as the sound of your slight humming broke through the silence. 

It felt like a blessing to have Arthur close again. Some time ago, you feared you had utterly lost him as he remained a shell of who he once was, shielding himself from you and everyone else. Although at ease now, the heavy shadow of his disease still lingered over you like a cloud, most times reminding you of the sad realization that all was not well.

Despite this, you could see how much better he was faring, now both up on his feet and with a sane mind–much more like the man you fell for. At times, the anxiety still clawed its way into your mind, wondering if all of this was too good too last. Although, since both you and Arthur realized that relying your thoughts and fears on one another was fatal if this was going to work, he always kissed your worries away, driving the somber mood gone with his hands.

“Where did you go?” The words rumbled quietly against your lips as your eyes lifted to gaze into his wondering ones, feeling him push your hair behind your ear. You gave him a small smile, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“Secret.” You whispered when you felt him lean closer again, the tension growing in sparks around you. 

“Oh, I see. We keepin’ secrets now?” Raising his brows in fake mock, you felt his hands circle your waist so he could lift you around his torso. An innocent smile covered your lips as he hoisted you up, slightly pinching your waist so you let out a breathless laugh.

Stalking back towards the bed, you realized his only plan had been to bring you back all this time, giving Arthur a knowing look. “I am allowed to have some secrets, you know.”

“Are you now?” He smirked at you, kissing your nose before laying you on the soft bed, hovering above you. “I think I know a few ways to get you to speak.” Crawling up your thigh was a hand filled with sinful intent.

“Well, I won’t tell, you brute!!” You laughed as you squirmed against him, wishing his hand away as they traveled further.

“Oh, I’ll show you, brute, darlin´.”

All the wounds and hurt weren’t healed by any means, but as time passed, it started to mend the damage it created. The crumbs that once were so few grew larger and larger, now swapped out with a special love that you were sure was destined just for you and the man who always had it in the palm of his hands–only the need to accept himself in order to let it reach you. 

And while this story certainly isn’t over, the worry about Arthur’s health and the glimmer in his eyes he still kept for the life he had lived and would never escape still existed. You could tell he was aware you saw it, noticing him staring longingly into the wild, fingers flexing with anticipation.

But those were thoughts for darker days. For now, as you lay with Arthur’s arms wound around you and the sparkling of the fire cracking into the silence, you would bask in it for as long as you could. With the soup long forgotten—you realized you would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked you, even if it meant your death.

[1intrusivethoughts1]

Love Language

Osamu Miya x transfer!reader

Part 1

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, Atsumu and Osamu fighting, reader gets words wrong sometimes, some bullying in later chapters, part 2 coming soon, 2.3k words, probably has mistakes

You pursed your lips as yet again, you had gotten lost in the crowded schoolyard. The students talking in a language you didn’t understand well didn’t help either. Your parents had randomly decided to move to Japan and enroll you in a difficult study of the language for 3 months before tossing you in school. Yeah, you still suck at the language. Though your knowledge is well enough to converse with students, none of them had stopped to answer your question. Seemingly too busy to say a few words.

You entered the second building and stopped mid way through the hall. You stared at the class schedule sheet and tilted your head. Your expression remained very confused. Eyes tracing the words over and over again. You were at the right place…right? Your eyes remained on the paper and continued walking. That was, until you bumped into a person. Neither of you fell on the ground, it was a rather awkward position. You had your head shoved in their chest and was tilted slightly towards them. You immediately took a step backwards and bowed softly.

“I’m so sorry- I didn’t see…you.” You raised your head and your face immediately fell. A tall and very scary looking man was standing there. With your mouth agape, you took another step backwards before you put a determined look on your face. You can do this! Maybe he will help?

“Uhm…i’m new…can I have…help?” You said slowly, the words still didn’t roll off your tongue smoothly. Having to think before speaking always.

He raised an eyebrow, shocked by your question but nodded.

“Yeah, sure.” He hummed and bent down to your level, peering at your schedule. He hummed again and straightened his posture.

“Your first period is with me, so i’ll take you there.” He spoke softly as he turned around. He beckoned for you to follow as he started to walk down the hallways. You stayed beside him, occasionally glancing up at him. He wasn’t really scary, he was pretty nice. He had gray silver hair, the dark brown undercut hinting that it was dyed. He was also very strong, at least in your eyes. He had visible muscles and a nice jawline too.

“We’re here.” He announced and turned to you. Giving you a once over before he took his hand out.*

“I’m Miya Osamu.” He introduced himself, a small smile growing as you took his hand.

“I’m [Name]!” You smiled, happy someone was talking to you seriously. He said your name under his breath, almost testing it out. 

“Let’s go inside, okay?” He said in a gentle tone. You nodded and both of you walked inside the classroom, already filled with students. You unfortunately did not get a seat next to him, but was close enough for comfort. 

The teacher eventually arrived on the classroom and began to teach. You payed very close attention, mainly because it was difficult to understand some words he would say. 

“Uhm…excuse me?” You whispered to the person next to you. The girl looked at you and tilted her head.

“What?” She raised a brow.

“What was the word he said…minute ago?” You asked, though it wasn’t really a coherent sentence. She looked at you weirdly for a second before speaking.

“Relation?” She asked, and you nodded. She sighed and turned back to listen, while you scribbled down the word, hoping to get half of the notes write.

As you were writing notes down frantically, the lunch bell rang. Your head shot up and you frowned, stuffing your materials in your backpack. Once finished, you saw Osamu at your desk.

“Want to eat together?” He asked, his hands full with his bento box. 

A huge smile spread across your face and you nodded your head.

“Yes! I’d amazing love too!” You said, the smile still present as you grabbed your homemade lunch.

He quirked a brow at your word choice and smiled, chuckling under his breath. You followed him to the cafeteria, where you both sat down at a random spot. He opened his bento box, which revealed onigiri and some vegetable sides. It looked really good. 

“Did you make that, Miya-san?” You asked, pointing at the onigiri’s. He nodded his head and placed one on your boxed lunch. 

“Try it.” He said before grabbing one for himself. You were about to protest, but honestly it looked really good. Picking it up gently, you took a bite. Your eyes immediately lit up and a smile spread across your lips.

“It’s really good!” You gushed, taking another bite. He smiled in response, before someone yelled his name. He sighed, his smile disappearing as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Oi! ‘Samu! where’s my lunch?” A blonde guy yelled, who looked really similar to Osamu. The blondes eyes traveled to you and he paused for a moment, before looking back at Osamu with a smirk.

“Who’s this? Eating with a fan? How scandalous!” He gasped dramatically, placing a hand on his chest. Osamu glared at him before speaking.

“She’s new, a transfer.” He explained.

“[Name], this is my brother Atsumu…” Osamu said with a sigh, he didn’t sound very happy.

“Twin brother! Twin!” Atsumu corrected him loudly, as if it made a huge difference. 

“Nice to meet you, Atsumu.” You smiled. He walked over to you, surprising you a bit. He placed a hand on his chin as he studied you,  looking you up and down. 

“You should be our volleyball club manager.” He said bluntly. You furrows your eyebrows, what was that?

“What’s a volleyball manager?” You asked. Atsumu opened his mouth to speak before Osamu interrupted him.

“No, ‘Tsumu. She’s new. She needs time to adjust and shouldn’t have to worry about this.” He frowned. Did his brother always make him this angry?

“Why not? She’s perfect!” He continued speaking in a hushed yell, though it didn’t really work out. The two continued to banter and you could only think of one solution. Why not apply yourself to something you know nothing about? Sounds like a great plan. 

“I’ll be the manager.” You spoke, causing the twins to look at you. Atsumu looked happy while Osamu shook his head at you.

“I think it’ll be fun. It’ll be okay, Osamu.” You smiled, as if to ease whatever worries he had. He let out a sigh and Atsumu grinned, grabbing your wrist. 

“Alright, follow me.” He snickered as he dragged you to who knows where. You didn’t really get the chance to follow him, as he was dragging you the whole time. He brought you to a table filled with more guys? 

“Guys, this is our new manager!” Atsumu stated proudly, placed his hands on his hips and closing his eyes to add emphasis. You stood there and shyly waved. This was super awkward. One dude stood up and bowed to you.

“I’m Kita Shinsuke, the team captain. Thank you for applying yourself.” He said in a gentle voice. You smiled at the greeting and bowed back at him. He’s really nice.

“I’m [Name].” You introduced yourself, the other guys nodding in response. 

“Can you stay after school from now on? We have practice then.” Atsumu asked excitedly, he sounded really happy about a manager. You nodded, why not? It’ll show your parents that you’re applying yourself to the new school. 

“Great! ‘Samu can show you where since he’s in your class.” He grinned before practically sprinting to his seat that was only a few feet away. You turned to go to your seat, but Osamu was right behind you.

“Oh!” You said awkwardly as you almost bumped into him again. 

“You know, you didn’t have to.” He said softly as you walked back to your food.

“Hm, yeah. I want to though.” You nodded, assuring yourself this was the right decision. He hummed at your response, and you both reached the table. 

“What does a manager do?” You asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it. He looked at you for a second before turning his head and chuckling a bit.

“They schedule matches, make notes of the players and help clean the gym. Nothing too bad.” He said slowly, hoping you would be able to understand all that.

“Oh, okay!” You hummed, though you did not understand it all. Japanese was hard…

The bell rang which meant classes, so you and Osamu packed your lunch up and walked back to the classroom.

“How long have you played volleyball?” You asked him, walking through the hallway.

“Oh, i’ve been playing it for a while. Since me and ‘Tsumu were kids.” He smiled.

“He’s better than me, he’s really talented.” He explained, glancing at you.

“Woah.” Was your response as you turned into the classroom and settled back down.

The rest of class was very boring, it was just stupid note taking, and your hand hurt. You shook your wrist, as if hoping it would alleviate the pain. Sadly, it did not. 

The teacher than announced class was over, which made you smile. Thank goodness. Gathering the few materials you still had out, you turned to Osamu who was looking at you. You slid your bag on your shoulder and made your way towards him.

“Ready?” He asked, placing his books in his bag before standing up.

“Mhm.” You hummed in response, and he led the way. He led you out of the building and along a path, leading to gym buildings. The doors opened upon Osamu pushing them, and a few members were already there. 

“Im gonna change into gym clothes, go talk to Aran or Suna. They won’t bite.” He explained, before exiting the doors you both entered from. You warily glanced at the two team members before taking a deep breath. 

Walking over to the two, you waved slightly as you approached them.

“Hey, I didn’t get to introduce myself. I’m Aran Ojiro.” He smiled, holding his hand out. You happily shook it, returning the smile. The guy next to him sighed and spoke up.

“I’m Suna Rintaro.” He said tiredly, as if introducing himself was energy draining. 

“Nice to meet you two. Do you know where the coach is?” You asked, and the two looked around. Suna pointing whole Aran voiced it once they spotted him.

“He’s over there.” You turned your head and thanked both of them before you jogged over to the coach.

“Hello, i’m the new manager, [Name].” You spoke, getting his attention. He raised a brow, before he sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Listen, if you were a manager you would have a form filled out for me. I know becoming the manager just to see the twins is a great idea it-“ He droned on, as if he had given this speech many times. Though he was interrupted by someone behind you.

“Hey coach! Yeah, I hired her on the spot.” Atsumu walked up beside you, placing a hand on your head. 

“Atsumu, you can’t just do that-“ The coach groaned, a hand running down his face. 

“Here, how about this. I get a form and…uh..” He gestured towards you. “You can fill it out.” 

“Okay! Thanks!” You smiled and Atsumu nodded in approval. Though the coach did give him a deadly side eye. 

You sat down on the bleachers, pulling out a clipboard the coach so graciously gave you. Writing the names down of the people on the team, you tapped the pencil on your chin as you watched them practice. Whatever they were doing, seemed right. You put a purposeful check next to their name, smiling at your hard work. 

“What are those checks for?” The coach asked suddenly, you didn’t even know he was there!

“Uhm, they’re there if they met the qualifications I had set this week.” You said, smiling proudly at the smart statement you had just made.

“Which are…?” He raised a brow, clearly expecting an answer. Uh oh, that’s a problem. You don’t know a thing about volleyball.

“I…I was thinking…oh! I was thinking of revealing them at the end of the week, to show what the players did well on.” You explained. He seemed impressed with your answer, letting out a hum as he crossed his arms.

“Good.” He said gruffly. He then pulled out papers and handed them to you.

“Fill these out and give them to me tomorrow.” He said before walking away.

You sighed, very relieved that the situation went well. As you looked back, you noticed Osamu glancing at you every now and then. Once you caught his eye, you gave him a little wave, which he returned of course. You then tucked the papers way into your bag, making a mental note to fill them out later.

Being a manager wasn’t so bad. Well, you shouldn’t say that when it’s your first day. As practice ended, you jogged over from your spot towards Osamu and Atsumu. You followed their actions, and began picking up balls and throwing them into the basket. Once the gym was all cleaned up, you began gathering your bags. 

“Hey, want me to walk you home?” You heard Osamu speak behind you.

“Us. Have us walk her home ‘Samu.” Atsumu corrected. 

You turned around to face them and nodded with a grateful smile.

“Sure! That’s very kindly.” You replied, though Atsumu bursted out laughing at your reply. Osamu shot him a glare before he sighed and looked towards you.

“Kind. Not kindly, though that does sound like a better word.” He said softly. Osamu paused before he jabbed Atsumu in the side, causing him to yelp in pain.

“I-I’m sorry [Name]…” He looked down with a frown. You giggled at that and shook your head.

“It’s fine.” 

The two of you then began walking towards your house. Finding out that your houses weren’t far from each other. Only a few houses down. As you arrived at your house you thanked both of them.

“It’s no problem! We are gentleman.” Atsumu said proudly, a stupid smirk on his face. Osamu rolled his eyes and waved at you.

“Take care.” Osamu said before walking off with Atsumu. 

Maybe being a manager wasn’t a terrible idea after all?

[maikissed]

cherry flavoured lips part 3

Kylian Mbappé x reader

And there was one, very disturbing truth behind anger taking over Kylian’s common-sense: he turned wrathful and dangerous. warnings: none

Previous parts: part 1, part 2

Bon appétit!

“Hello, you” Gia beamed as soon as she opened the door before his eyes with a quick swing.

He greeted his friend with his most charming and bright smile, the sound of music coming from behind her was subtle, a sign that the party was yet about to start. Most of the time he made an appearance closer to it’s end than beginning, but there was something he anticipated way too much to delay his arrival. Gia eyed him mysteriously, with a glint of amusement painting on her face, and took a step to the side to let Kylian in.

“Happy birthday” he leaned to her to press a quick kiss on her cheek “Hope you stay such a wonderful and sweet person for another year” he smirked while pulling away, handing her a little gift bag for the occasion.

Gia snorted with a frown at his sarcastic wishes, voicing out a honey coated thank you as she accepted his present.

“Good thing you are at least good at buying gifts, though” she laughed turning around and taking his arm to lead him inside her apartment.

“I have to be honest, y/n always helped me pick them out, but this year I was on my own” he muttered eyeing the surroundings, already spotting few familiar faces.

Gia hummed at this information, not actually giving him a sign that she might be disappointed in a poorer choice of a birthday gift for her, but more thoughtfully, wondering about something that appeared in her mind. She stopped suddenly, facing him, her facial expression unreadable.

“She is here with her new tidy and well-mannered boyfriend. He’s British, you know” the way she articulated this sentence made his lips twist in a mocking smile “She didn’t tell me much, but the way things took turn between both of you worries me” one of her brows shot up as she peered at him. He knew she expected for him to clue her in to it.

“Kyliaaaaan!” there was a call from behind him, more like a roar to be honest, and he gladly turned away from Gia to greet his friend Remy. He could sense Gia’s annoyance at breaking her little investigation “Long time no see, you handsome beast” Remy laughed pulling Kylian into a tight hug “You gotta keep up, I’ll make you something to drink” and with this last sentence Remy pulled him in the direction of the bar, leaving Gia frustrated and annoyed. She turned to find y/n.

He spotted her among the crowd not so long later, and despite being surrounded by many of his good friends he haven’t seen for quite some time, he could not tear his eyes away from her and this new addition of hers, smiling politely at everyone they made the tiniest conversation with. The guy was tall, just a little scrawny though, he admitted he was good looking just enough, hair perfectly styled, a dirty blonde. But nothing really admirable, he concluded. Nevertheless there he was, standing next to her, close, very close, his arm wrapped around her waist, his palm gently caressing her side, tenderly and affectionately, Kylian was eyeing the movements of his hand along her body way too attentive. It did make him feel uncomfortable, he moved his fingers up his shirt to undo a few buttons, since he registered something growing painfully inside his gullet. The sour taste of whiskey was turning it even worse but he could not stop from sipping it. There were words around him, some questions, he believed he answered a few of them, but his mind was absent, focused on a scene few meters away. Y/n laughed, gazing up at her companion, her eyes pretty and sparkly, her hair styled different tonight, wavy and wild. Beautiful. Truthfully he did not expect her to attend with him tonight, at some point he somehow forgot about this new revelation, maybe even blocked it from being true in his mind. But right now he kept observing them together from the distance, many restless thoughts raging through his head. They truly seemed close, did he have her already? Did she fuck him? Did she enjoy it? Are they going to fuck tonight? Do they spend every night together? What the fuck? He could not believe everything that was happening right now. Anger started to take over him. And there was one, very disturbing truth behind anger taking over Kylian’s common-sense: he turned wrathful and dangerous.

-

“Are you going to introduce me?” Ian whispered in y/n’s ear, she stiffened for a moment wondering about how to escape this situation. She smiled timidly at him, taking a quick look in Kylian’s direction.

Of course she could not omit to mention about being friends with the Kylian Mbappé himself, because pressing on the lies would not do her good in her very first serious relationship. But Ian did not know how far their friendship went and she could not block her fears about the very first interaction with Kylian after they parted so coldly and unpleasantly few months ago. She was such a coward. But she could not hide the fact that she missed him.

And there was no point in opposing, it might wake some doubts and even suspicions in Ian so she agreed, nodding with a smile, and taking his hand with intention to approach Kylian. Few more steps his way and she was heavily fighting the urge to run away from here as fast as she could. Kylian noticed her in no time, a very dark but delightful smile appearing on his face as he looked at her, just at her.

“Hi” she called, rather stiffly, but she greeted him with a kind smile. He still did not look in Ian’s direction.

Kylian leaned into her, close, with aim to greet with her, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek and she felt hot and nervous. A normal greeting, as she did with every other friend present here. Nothing weird, nothing suspicious, still her legs turned weak. He said hi back as he straightened up.

“I wanted to introduce you my…” she started in English, something heavy, like a bile, or more like a stone, appeared in her throat and blocked her voice from coming out, she could not fathom why, but she swallowed heavily and added quickly: “My boyfriend, Ian”

That’s when he finally looked at him.

“Ian. Nice to meet you. I’m a huge fan” Ian added, calm and collected, with a subtle accent, he truly seemed nice.

“Kylian” he shook his stretched out hand and y/n let out a big breath of relief “Appreciate it”

“I was really surprised when y/n mentioned you guys are acquainted” Ian continued and Kylian smirked scoffingly at his choice of words. Y/n actually went pale.

“Oh, that’s how she put it?” Kylian asked, his eyes beaming playfully as he looked down at her “In fact, we know each other since diapers, our mothers are very close friends” he said nonchalantly before bringing the glass to his lips and taking a sip of his drink.

Ian peeked quickly at y/n, a sign that confirmed Kylian’s suspicions that she skimped on stories about him and how long they knew each other. And definitely skipped crucial elements regarding their long time friendship. It should make him feel downhearted, it did deep down, but he was not paying attention to it now. He was determined to prove something here, using nothing but the truth.

Although Ian did not come off perplexed at this information. His expression cool and relaxed.

“That’s great” Ian nodded “You guys go way back”

“Oh, we do” Kylian hummed, his gaze traveling back to her “Don’t worry, chérie, I am not going to embarrass you with stories, at least not so soon” a cocky smirk appearing on his lips.

And she frowned delicately, for his eyes only to see, because she guessed that the meaning hidden behind these words was not really innocent. Ian chuckled, but she could sense that he preferred to change the subject.

“You play a game this Sunday, we will stay in Paris for few more days, I was discussing it with y/n, that we should definitely buy tickets to see it”.

Yes, such conversation has taken place, but right now y/n had doubts if it was such a good idea. She hoped Ian would forget, she had various ideas about many other plans for them for this week, just to make him forget about attending the closest PSG game.

“Oh, that’s a fantastic idea” Kylian politely agreed “It’s been a long time since you last came to see me play” he turned to her, his attitude friendly and amiable, but by some means she sensed a ruse hiding beneath it all.

She was not exactly sure why she was so reluctant in this encounter. It was truly a pleasant and nice conversation they had, but she knew Kylian, she knew she hurt him, she could see it deep in his eyes.

“I’ll send you tickets, how about that?” he proposed generously.

Strange feelings enveloped y/n in a few seconds, it came out of nowhere, she did not expect it, the conversation started to fade around her suddenly. A heavy burden fell upon her shoulders quickly, like a lightning striking just beneath her feet. She started to fight for the next breath, an alarming sensation, like she was about to faint in any second now. It terrified her, strong and cold chills ran across her whole body and she muttered a fast apology, informing that she needs to find a bathroom. And she left them alone, with no second thought if it was a good idea. She did not care, she needed some time alone. She almost ran in the opposite direction, not very much focused about where she was heading. She realised she ended in Gia’s room. The noisiness of music and conversation fading in the quiet room. She rested on the closest armchair, trying to calm her nerves and shaking hands. Was she experiencing a panic attack? She wasn’t sure, she never had one before. She breathed a sing of relief as her mind started to slow down, quieting down. Looking at the shelf to her right she spotted a collection of pictures collected upon it and stood up when she noticed a few that she recognized and remembered. Gia loved stacking memories with pictures, the collection was quite impressive. Some hanged on strings along the walls of her room, other framed prettily on the shelves. A specific one caught her attention and she approached it, spotting a photo taken at one of Gia’s Christmas parties. It was her and Kylian. He was seated on a chair, looking to the side and up at her as she stood above him, her fingers delicately grazing his chin from behind, she was laughing at something, looking at him, he was smiling softly at her. She took in their appearance, scoffing at the sight of her long, colourful nails, now shorter and elegant. They both looked careless and so young, so unburdened. But what caught her attention the most was the colour of Kylian’s hair, he dyed it white at the time, and despite the fact that she was immensely drunk that night, she remembered it so well. And she remembered she used to not be so innocent as well.

-December, 2017-

“Ky!” she called as soon as she noticed him enter with a few of his friends. She was anticipating him for a whole evening. And he was always late, she was embittered, she loved partying with him and he always made her wait for him “You can take off that beanie now, it is not snowing inside” she snickered noticing him wearing a ridiculous headgear in a covered room. Was this a new style now or what?

She approached him closely, rather wobbly due to the amount of alcohol she has already poured into herself, reaching for his hat, but he shifted swiftly to avoid her reaching hand. She frowned, visibly surprised. She noticed a mysterious smile on Tchaga’s face from behind him. Interesting, he was wearing a similar hat as well.

“What is it now? Are you hiding something there?” she asked playfully, still trying to snatch the hat off his head. She was truly determined.

“Don’t” he warned, his lips stretching into a little smile and she giggled.

“Let me see” she whined, still putting up a little fight with him. But she was drunk and he was way too sober and strong for her. He grabbed her sides to steady her “You did something with your hair, didn’t you?” she laughed, excitement gushing out from her “Show me!”

“No, I did not” he opposed with an accusatory expression. Oh, he would not give her shit now. She knew he was lying. And it made her even more excited now “I’m just comfortable like this” he commented.

And she was a smart girl, that she was, so she shrugged as a sign of finally giving up, stepping away from him, making his grip on her loosening. And that was when he lost with her. She still had it in her to be clever enough and quickly reached for the hat, taking it off him in a swift move. He groaned trying to get his hat back, one hand on her waist, another gripped the forearm of the hand holding his beanie. But it was too late already, she could see it now. She did not laugh, she did not appear much surprised. She just gazed up at him, her eyes round and big as she took in his appearance. He looked like he expected some form of stronger reaction from her. She swayed in his hold.

“It’s white” she stated and he smirked in amusement at this obvious conclusion.

Was he about to make fun of her now? Looked like it.

“It’s cool, it’s hot” she emphasized, still mesmerised at the sight of him “Suits you”

“Yeah? You like it?” he chuckled, because she truly must have looked funny, so serious and so stunned.

“Mhm” she nodded “It’s sexy” she added, noticing the playfulness disappearing in his eyes, making room for something closer to curiosity now, with a bit of more intensity as he looked at her.

She was young, and she was wild, drunk, carefree and absolutely… hot right now. So many concerning feelings she had for him this whole time now dangerously skyrocketed. She realised she stood there awkwardly, trying to keep herself straight, trying to calm her racing heart, calm the drive awaken in her. She was turned on. Irrationally, rabidly turned on by her friend. She wanted to climb him. Oh, fuck. She was so drunk and as it turned out - horny. And so, so stupid.

“Alright” he murmured, his voice dropping even lower. Oh fuck, fuck! “How many drinks did you have, ma chérie?”

“A few” she choked out nervously after few seconds.

“I see” he nodded, still holding her close “Want me to take you home now?” his eyes… stood out much more now in contrast with his hair. Dark, enchanting.

Oh no, don’t talk to me like that, a little voice screamed inside her head. She was close to a tremendous break out, close to doing something foolish. She could not trust herself if they were to be alone.

“Just one more hour?” she managed to say and he accepted her proposition, swearing to keep her close to himself for the rest of the night to make sure she would not drink too much anymore. For her own good.

He was being a good friend. She began experiencing torture.