#i really hope not bc idk that sounds scary

[moos3-th3-goos3]

it is an inhuman hate crime that I am not cuddled up in bed with my girl rn

[honeyspotpie]

Dndadders is it too early to be placing bets on which season 3 PC will receive the in-character patreon EP/album treatment.... Guys...

[raiiny-bay]

wip

[bangcakes]

.

[hzrnvm]

emotional. happy, pissed off, all that.

[anaalnathrakhs]

hjgjhggjgjgh forgot i can't even go to the psych ward if there was magically room for my non urgent case. my mom's birthday is this weekend, and my aunt and grandma stay at our house for the following week. i need to be there for the birthday, and then i have to seem normal and present at normal hours. AND THEN IT'S THE HOLIDAYS.

[pizzapizzadickz]

I feel a lil bit better today after getting some rest in. I always feel better when I can spend a day at home. I think tomorrow I'll wear my noise cancelling headphones or something so I can chill even more.

...funny how my way to chill is just trying to eliminate all external stimuli

(Pt 1 for description rant)

[fakeuwus]

RECKLESS | lee heeseung

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ reckless by madison beer

"how could you be, so reckless with my heart?"

⁺ ⋆˚ genre: idol!hee x nonidol/university student!femreader, pure angst sorry lol, established relationship

⁺ ⋆˚ warnings: cursing, lowercase intended, barely proofread, mention of i-land LOL, lots of dialouge and idk if thats even a warning but had to put it out there, use of nicknames like babe/baby, infidelity

⁺ ⋆˚ word count: ~1k

⁺ ⋆˚ message from nic: wanted to put smth out while working on my jay fic!! got inspired by this show i was watching called "the game" (dont watch it its like highkey misogynistic and a bit racist and just overall so bad 😭) i wanted to rewatch it bc i used to watch it as a kid and now i realize how bad it was skdkd. but basically the bf is a pro football player while the gf is in med school and a certain plotline in the show inspired this 😁 also this is my first writing piece so pls be nice and feedback is appreciated!

heeseung slowly opened the front door to the apartment you and him shared, trying to be as quiet as possible since you were most likely sleeping. once he made it in he tip toe'd his way to your guys' bedroom. "did you have fun tonight hee?" you asked, while sitting on the couch with nothing but the lamp on. heeseung jumps, "holy shit you scared me! baby what are you doing up? come on let's get you to bed."

he walks over and tries to give you a kiss. you turned your head down only allowing him to press it to your forehead. you were pissed. actually, you were beyond that. words could not describe what you were even feeling at the moment.

you get up from the couch and stand before him, "you didn't answer my question. did you have fun tonight hee?" heeseung is perplexed by your tone. you sounded... hurt? angry? annoyed? all of the above? he tried to proceed with caution, racking his brain of all the possibilities of why you could be acting like this.

"uh... yeah babe, i had a lot of fun tonight. sorry i stayed out so late by the way. you really didn't have to wait up for me, you're probably tired." he was hopeful this was the right answer. it's gotta be, right? all you could do was stifle a cold laugh.

why the hell were you laughing? what was so funny? heeseung can feel his heartbeat in his ears and his skin was turning hot. you had never once acted this way in all of the years you guys had been together. it may not seem like a big deal to others, but you had always been so caring and sweet towards him.

even when you guys were arguing, your soft voice never changed. this was new. this was scary. you had a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes now and it seemed like you were staring into his soul.

"yeah heeseung. it's 2 am," you say sounding almost condescending, "but no i'm not mad that you stayed out so late. i mean i WAS, but after someone sent me a little something i realized there are worse things to be mad about." suddenly your phone is shoved into heeseung's hands. his jaw dropped. no. there's no way.

"who sent you this?! wait no it doesn't matter baby you can't believe this can you?" he reaches out for you but you pull away and start walking towards the front door to gather your jacket and bag, "so you're not even going to try to deny it? huh. i guess my friends were right." it makes him sick how you seem so calm on the outside, your words and actions treating this like one big joke while he's freaking out. he'd rather you be a crying, screaming mess than whatever behavior you're exhibiting at the moment.

you turn back around to him, "you think i don’t know who you’re giggling with on the phone while i’m sitting in the room studying for hours? that i’m stupid enough to believe that you’re not making out with her in that video? that i’m blind enough to not see the heart eyes you two make at each other while in the same room?” your words drip with venom and they shoot heeseung straight in the heart.

he feels like the room is spinning and he wants to faint. he wants to go up to you and hold you and tell you that she doesn’t matter, that you’re the only important thing in his life. but that’s not what happens. heeseung is too wrapped up in the moment to admit his wrongs.

frankly, he’s disgusted with himself and at a loss for words right now. he wants to convince not only you but more importantly to himself that he didn’t do anything wrong. and so he does. what comes out of his mouth next are words he’d soon regret. “WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO YN?! i’ve been so lonely lately because you’re so wrapped up in school and she’s THERE FOR ME. she’s been there when you weren’t. i wouldn’t have made out with her if YOU were at the afterparty with ME like i asked you to! we won four fucking awards tonight and i just wanted my girlfriend there to celebrate with me.”

and just like that, you snap. the jacket and bag in your hands are now thrown to the ground and heeseung flinches. “YOU ARE SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE! do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth right now?! i told you i have an exam tomorrow there was no way i was going to that damn party.”

tears are blurring your vision and your breath is becoming uneven. you don’t even recognize the man standing in front of you. “i have a life too heeseung. while you’re out chasing your dreams so am i. do you even acknowledge the sacrifices i have made for you over the past five years? tell me, was she there for you when you first became a trainee? was she crying for you every fucking episode of i-land? was she there every step of the way supporting your career?!"

heeseung doesn’t speak. he doesn’t move an inch yet his brain is moving a million miles per minute. he knows you’re right. he knows that you decline going out with your friends so you can wait for him to come home from practice. that your life only revolves around school and him. and he’s so eternally grateful for you. his heart yearns to express all the love he has for you and that he fucked up so badly. he just wants to fast forward to the part where you guys work through it and everything is okay again.

but that time is never going to come because you walk up to him with a heavy heart, placing the promise ring he gave you all those years ago in his hands.

he stares at the pretty diamond that shines in the moonlight, the only thing illuminating the darkness that’s consumed the space you both once filled with love. “i hope she was worth it,” you say as you open the door and walk out into the cold night. leaving heeseung and all of the memories of your relationship behind.

© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

[mono-dot-jpeg]

child support - kafka & himeko

summary; you miss your parents but it's okay, you got new ones now.

genre/extra tags; fluff, found family, himeko & kafka give me divorced couple energy but in a good way, possibly ooc kafhime, almost mute! reader, kafka pays the child support, comfort vibes only, slight angst ig????

[gender neutral reader] [platonic] [7-8 yrs old! reader]

[warnings; implied child abandonment, describing hypothermia symptoms (in the first-ish half)]

word count; 1.1k

a/n; you know it took me a solid few moments and a google search to figure what kafhime was bc i forgot that shipping exists for a moment. i don't really engage in shipping especially when i know that some people,,, transfer over to games from the same company they like and those people can be... weird or in my face about shipping. but who am i to judge. also kaf and hime can be interpreted as just two rude besties or just platonic (/hj) this fic is more long winded than i expected. idk, it was a little bit difficult to figure out. but hope you enjoy!

cold. everything was so cold.

how have you even managed for so long? you thought you were a goner. the people who first found you almost thought you were a goner with how despondent you were stuck in the old rickety house you once lived in. you were so tired, so gone in your mind, you couldn't feel anything. you were lucky to live, that's what you heard from the doctors.

why did fate leave you like this?

"hello dear. are you feeling any better?" a gentle motherly voice rings in the warm room. the room was a bit warmer than the rest, maybe it was just for your sake or this was just a normal thing. you weren't sure. you lived out in belobog after all. a palace of ice and a hundred winters. but it's not like you remember much of what even got you out in the dangerous cold in the first place.

you feel a hand press against your forehead. "colder than winter itself. poor kid." the same voice speaks again. "perhaps she can help me out for this." the hand moves away from you, making a weak cry leave your lips. "sorry. sorry. i guess it isn't warm enough for you in here." she apologized. "perhaps pompom can find some more fluffy blankets."

you twist and turn as her open thought chatter starts to wake you up more. you turn to rest on your side and find an unfamiliar woman as you're in an unfamiliar room. you choke up in fear as you struggle to get up and keep yourself far away from her.

"dear, you're barely even recovered! don't move too quickly!" it's too late for her words and you can't even get that far away. your tiny body is heavy and you only manage to move not even 2 inches away. the red head doesn't make any move to startle you. "i know you must be scared. i'm here to help you." she lowers herself to face eye level with you. "do you remember anything?"

you don't say a word and stare.

"we don't have to talk about it. you don't need to say anything. just nod or shake your head, does that sound okay?" she smiles gently, hoping to appear as not as scary to you.

you hesitantly nod.

"thank you for answering. you must still be feeling cold, right?"

nod.

she grabbed a nearby blanket, "is it okay if i drape this over you? won't touch you or anything." she glances at you, making sure you either nod or shake your head.

you slowly nod, remembering how cold you are.

she doesn't make any fast movements, noting your flinchy behavior. she wraps the blanket around your shoulders gently but you still flinch when it touches you.

"now what's this about a little child?" you flinch at a new voice. another feminine voice that you find a bit more melodic than the warm tones of the other. then another lady enters. you inch towards the farthest corner of the bed.

"kafka, you're going to scare them."

"aw, don't be so mean." she pretends to sound hurt but her voice is teasing. "where did you find the kid?"

"in belobog. outside of the city. well, trailblazer, march and dan heng found them. they were stuck in the freezing snow." kafka's face grimaces at the thought of seeing you stuck in the snow helpless without anyone able to find you. "but anyways, you should head out, lest the others know about you being here so suddenly."

"i paid for the items you're giving to the little star, at least let me stay for a little while longer." himeko sighs before realizing.

"i forgot to introduce myself-" the red head looks over at you who is covered in blanket, attempting to hide yourself. "see, you did scare them!" she muttered to the other. "i'm sorry about her, dear. my name is himeko. this is kafka."

"sorry for scaring you, little one. i tend to do that." kafka hummed. "well, that aside, miss himeko over here and i, we want to take care of you. but we can't be doing that when you're stuck in your little cocoon." she gently chuckled. you slowly get out of the blankets, head peeking out to look up at the lady. "well, that's a start. have you eaten yet?" she asked.

you don't say anything but your belly grumbles.

"i know what would take care of that." himeko smiled. you hear the knocks at the door but no figure enters but you hear shuffling. "pompom got some food for you, himeko!" and you find yourself face to face with a cute living rabbit in a conductor's outfit. himeko gets up opening the door and grabbing the plate of food.

"thank you pompom." himeko hummed as she closes the door. kafka soon moves to sit by the bed. you still stay head peeked with the blankets as you stare at the plate of food and then himeko. himeko walked over. "this is for you, dear. you can stay on the bed if you want. me and kafka will be right back." the redhead places a hand on kafka's shoulder, slowly pushing her as they both leave into what you assume is a bathroom. once they do, you can hear them talking but you're too focused on eating to care about the conversation.

you finish eating and you're feeling much better than before but it doesn't stop you from keeping away from himeko and kafka. it makes them a little sad but they're so patient as they converse with you as if nothing's wrong.

you don't really answer or say anything really. you just nod or shake your head depending on what they ask you. and they seem satisfied with that.

"can you give us your name? unless you're still uncomfortable."

you tell them your name weakly.

"what a lovely name. now. i'm sorry that we have to get a little heavy but, have you always been living out of the city in your home?"

you give a small nod.

"what about your parents?" himeko speaks softly and carefully. she watches as your eyes water and you shake your head. "oh, sorry, sorry. let it out." she moves to sit by you in the bed. kafka sighs.

"of course we couldn't have known about that but would you like to stay with me and himeko? i know himeko wouldn't want to leave you in a state like this."

you think for a moment, well.. there's nowhere else to really go. you nodded. and you watch as two gentle smiles grow. you feel a bit calmer and you can feel some reassurance that you have a chance to continue your life.

[cyyfics]

Heyy! Can you please if you what to Yandere farmworld Finn story please if you do Yanderes request and can you make it some what long? Like how would the kid react to this?

——————

Stay Here

Pairing: Farmworld! Finn X gn! Reader

Warning(s): general YANDERE CONTENT, fighting/arguing, gaslighting, lying, manipulation

Synopsis: You stumble upon a hidden room in your friends house, only to find a shrine of you sitting there. Events occur.

Note: I’m gonna update my req rules to specify something- I need ppl to tell me if they want the reader to be into the yandere shit or not :,) bc if it’s not specified then I’ll just do whatever I want to tbh….

Spoiler note (spoiler for the story):

I decided to make Finn’s kids sort’ve yandere too, since they’re his kids I feel like they would’ve learned some if not all of his tendencies.

Extra note??: sorry abt the ending idk… also this is just sfw idk if u wanted nsfw or anytbing jdk.. I hope this story is good ^^

|2nd Point Of View

—————

Today was the same as any other day, you would pop in by the house to see Finn and his children as per usual- but this time things were different. Felt different, I mean.

The house was empty and eerily creepy, despite the sunlight shining through the windows it still felt rather dark and scary. However, you still trudged on forward and marched inside the house. As you walked through the doorway, the door shut behind you. The sound of the door closing behind you startled you actually, but you didn’t give it much attention.

‘I’m just extra jumpy today, that’s all..’

You told yourself as you crept through the house slowly, looking around for any sign of Finn or the kids inside. It felt wrong to be inside their house if they were gone, but you just had to check if anyone was there. You hoped someone was, because leaving your door unlocked and unattended is really dangerous.

“Finn? You there?”

You started to call out, walking through to the kitchen “Who’s there?” You turned around and smiled as you finally saw a familiar face, it was Jay standing in the doorway. He was leant against the frame for a moment before noticing it was you, immediately running up to hug you. You ruffled his hair as his arms wrapped around your torso, his adorable young face looking up at you.

“Hi there Jay, where’s everyone else gone? You alone today or something?” You asked him as you gently pulled away from the hug, Jay’s smile faltering for a moment as you do. “Alone? No, of course not! Me and my siblings have just been playing hide and seek! Bonnie suggested it.” Jay explained, giggling to himself as he spotted a tuft of blonde hair coming from under the table.

Your eyes followed his and you noticed Bonnie hiding under there, trying to hug herself to make herself look smaller. Hoping she wouldn’t be noticed and lose the game. “Bonnie is that-“ Jay cut you off, pressing a finger to your lips to shut you up. “Shh.” He whispered. “My, oh my..” he moved away from you and then began to walk around the table, marching around it with his arms behind his back.

“Where is my dear sister? It’s been ages- but alas, I cannot find her!” He dramatically draped an arm over his face, causing Bonnie to have a giggle fit from under the table. “Got you!” Jay bent down and picked her up, dragging her gently from underneath the table. “No fair!” She shook her head at him “How is it not fair?” He furrowed his eyebrows, trying not to laugh at her.

“.. because.”

You couldn’t help smiling at the two bickering, your lips curled upwards and stretching from ear to ear. “Well, Bonnie, you were the last one to be found. So you’re it.” Jay poked her cheek, Bonnie immediately grumbled “fineeeee!” She hopped down from his arms and walked up to a nearby wall, leaning her head on it as she began to count. “How are the rest of the kids supposed to know she’s it?” You asked curiously “I’ll go tell them. She takes a while to count.” Jay began to walk off “Oh and by the way! You better hide too.” Jay left the room.

You glanced towards Bonnie, watching her struggle to count “-ten.. eleven.. twelve..” she counted out loud “…” she stayed quiet for a moment “thirteen.” You whispered to her “..thirteen.. fourteen..” she continued counting. You furrowed your eyebrows for a moment ‘Maybe I really should go and hide, I should join their fun little game.’

You left the kitchen and started to look around for a place to hide ‘where’s a good spot to hide..? I don’t wanna go anywhere I’m not supposed to either..’ you pondered to yourself, kneeling down behind the couch and seeing a crawl space right there. ‘A crawl space? They’ll never find me.’ You pushed the little door open a little, inspecting the hole with your eyes before hesitantly crawling in ‘.. maybe that’s a bad thing actually.’

Hands and knees were now aching, stinging and slightly red from having to crawl the whole way. You finally made it to the end of the crawl space, seeing a small yet big enough room; big enough for you to stand in at least. You stood up and started to look around, your breath getting caught in your throat as you saw something weird something off. You were definitely not supposed to be here.

Looking straight at you was a picture frame with a photo of you right in the middle of a table, the photo looking badly damaged. You didn’t recognise the picture of yourself at first, you couldn’t remember yourself nor the kids nor Finn taking it of you. It was a simple photo of you looking away, the outside world in the background behind you. Around the picture frame was many little tea light candles, most of them already been lit before, you could tell from the melted wax.

You reached out hesitantly to touch some of the weird things around the photo of yourself, one thing immediately catching your eye. You grabbed what looked to be a lock of hair inside of a small bag, making you grimace and drop the bag back onto the table. You didn’t wanna be there anymore, you didn’t wanna see anymore of the shrine! You-

You took a deep breath, deciding to give the family the benefit of the doubt. Surely, this was just a weird thing that the kids had made, you didn’t need to get upset over it. That’s what you believed for a quick moment at least, hope fleeting before your eyes. You felt a chill going up your spine, turning around in fear only to see a child standing there in front of you.

“Neptr?” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, watching as he stood to the side and revealed the rest of the kids standing there too. Jay finished coming out of the crawl space, standing there in front of you now with a look you couldn’t make out. “Yeah Dad, they’re in here..” Jay called out, facing towards the crawl spot. Your heart dropped and your blood ran cold, what in the world was going on?

“Y/n, I’m so sorry. I didn’t wanna do this but- please don’t leave! You’re the closest thing our family has had to a parent since our mother died!” Jay began to plead with you “Yeah! Please stay, we need you. And you like us, right? Right?” Bonnie asked, trying to put on the cutest little face ever in order to manipulate you into staying.

“That’s enough, kids.”

Your eyes switched from the kids over to Finn who had finished coming out, he was sweating and panting like he’d just been on a run. “Finn, what IS all of- this?” You gestured towards the shrine “You weren’t supposed to find it.” Finn started stepping towards you, making you walk backwards until you eventually bumped into the shrine. Your back pressed against the table, making you scrunch your face up in pain for just a moment.

“Careful there.” He grabbed your waist and pulled you away from the table, making sure you wouldn’t be hurt.

“What. Is. This. Finn?” You repeated, letting him know you were definitely upset with him. “I made it in your likeness, you like it?” Finn’s eyes darkened for a moment, and for a moment it was just like he had become the ice monster again. “No!- it’s creepy! Why and how have you gotten this stuff?” You tried not to get too upset because of the kids standing there, even though you wanted to shout and scream at Finn for the weird shit he’s done.

“Please don’t be mad at Dad, he just likes you is all! Please don’t leave us, we really like you here!” Bonnie started to give the puppy dog eyes, pouting her bottom lip out at you. “It’s true, I do like you. I’m sorry for the weird shrine, I just- have a hard time expressing my feelings for people and I mistakenly thought you’d enjoy it. Please, allow me to fix this. Don’t leave us..” Finn was definitely manipulating you. But despite knowing that fact, a part of you still wanted to believe it, so you stayed.

“You thought.. I’d like this weird thing?” You didn’t trust his words exactly “..Yes, I thought you’d find it flattering. I’m so sorry. I’m not a bad guy, I’m really not. You know that, don’t you?” Finn came up a little closer to you but this time you didn’t back away “I- I mean..” he wasn’t exactly wrong per say. You remembered the many times he was kind to you, giving you food when you had none and even sheltering you at times. “Fine. You know what then? Leave if you wish, I won’t stop you. I know that you don’t really care about us, or like us-“ you cut Finn off.

“Of course I like you guys!” You exclaimed, not realising you were falling into Finn’s trap. “Really, you do? Oh, but then why do you wanna leave us so badly?” Finn gave a fake saddened look, tricking you into feeling sorry for him “Did we do something wrong?” Stormo and Neptr asked in unison. “N-No, nothing wrong! It was just a mistake is all, and Finn was right-it is… sort of flattering.” You couldn’t help giving in, all the manipulation getting to you.

“So, you’ll stay? Stay with us?” Finn looked directly into your eyes, it felt intimidating. “Y-Yes.” You weren’t even sure if you had a choice, what would of happened if you’d said no? “You make me the happiest man in the world! Y/n’s not leaving Kids!” Finn hugged you, squeezing your torso with his stronger arms. It was only a simple hug, and yet it was also a reminder that he really could crush you if he wanted to.

“Yay!” The kids came around to hug you as well, the whole family and you hugging each other. “Okay, okay, that’s enough..” Finn broke the group hug apart “Kids, please the two of us alone for now.” Finn instructed “Okay dad!” Bonnie started to leave, the rest following not long after her. Jay was the last to leave, turning his head back to look at the two of you for a moment “See you later, mom/dad/parent.”

His words had unknowingly trapped you, you couldn’t leave him and the family when you were seen as their new parent! It’d be wrong. And you’re not a ‘bad person.’

“I just- wanted to talk to you..” Finn spoke up, startling you. “About?” You questioned “Its true, I really do like you. I’m sorry about this whole mess. I just haven’t liked anyone in a long time and so I didn’t know what to do with my feelings.” Finn was lying through his teeth, and yet you had went and bought it. “I.. guess I can understand that.” You sighed “I fell in love with you because of your personality, you’re so kind to me and the kids- and you’re such an honest and smart person.” He stepped a little closer towards you.

You didn’t back away this time, but you weren’t sure what to do. “Do you feel the same way, at all?” Finn’s voice grew slightly deeper at the end there which sent a chill through your whole body. “Well..” you began to think to yourself, not sure what to say “- yes. At least a little.” You confessed, not knowing what you’d gotten yourself in to. Finn gave a big bright smile before opening his big strong arms up and pulling you into a tight hug, lifting you into the air by your waist.

“Yes! Amazing! Now I don’t have to make you like me.” Finn couldn’t help let that bit slip, making your eyes widen slightly “W-What?” You questioned “I think I can hear the kids calling for their mom/dad/parent.” Finn distracted you, which you then again fell for. “They are? I’m coming!” And you immediately went to them, because that’s just who you are. You’re a nurturer, a real kind and honest person, you couldn’t just leave the kids when they need you.

[theragethatisdesire]

M!! So happy to see you pop up on the dash again 😀 since you asked for nasty things, (and in honor of halloween) any ideas of what sort of risqué costumes the AOT boys would love to see their s/o in?

HEYYY moch <333 so happy to see you in my asks, how are you my love?? i would LOVE to elaborate on this, thank you sm for such a seasonal and fun prompt

eren

ok, call him basic but i think eren would love any animal costume. bunny, cat, dog, whatever. i feel like he secretly loves giving you a silly pet name just for the night (sue me, but i think for this situation alone he would love calling you "bunny/kitten/puppy" for the night)

the ears are really cute to him idk why i just know it's true

i think he also loves anything matching he can do with you. prisoner + warden, beast boy + raven, jack skellington + sally, etc

i'm going to throw him in the same category as reiner here that he thinks "scarier" or i guess like darker, more intense costumes are sexy??

i think eren's all-time fav costume in that regard would be Misa from death note (totally not because that's my costume this year haha....) bc you know that's his Fav Anime Gf or like, the purge costumes where it's just girls covered in blood with machetes and the light up masks

he loves blood on a costume too i think that just really gets him going

jean

i feel like jean would love anything downright sexy, borderline whore-ish LOLOLOL

that sounds really vague, but i think he'd like anything that's been....corrupted?

sexy nun, sexy teacher, sexy nurse, etc. i think jean loves watching you pull your lingerie on and try to excuse it as a costume

definitely makes you 30 minutes late to the halloween party

i feel like he doesn't like to dress up much himself, like he's very snobbish in that aspect and feels "too mature" (what a brat), but he loves seeing yours and wants to come out with you every year to see what you put on and to fight guys off of you

reiner

okay so firstly, let's just go ahead and acknowledge that reiner wants to match with you, regardless of what you wear. let's just get that out of the way bc that's basically canon

i hope this doesn't sound too perverse, but i think reiner's a big fan of the more...scary/intense/darker stuff

like a vampire but genuinely scary with the eyes and shit for example, or like Misa from death note, shego from kim possible, one of the shining twins, whatever

he loves all of the Typical Goth Girl costumes

i also just picture him being such a black-cat-gf, my-gf-could-kick-my-ass type dude so maybe my personal headcanons are leaking in

but i also think he would just love anything punny. like any costume that has a little bit of a joke to it? he's a sucker for puns/dad jokes and i think he can also appreciate a wholesome moment

[fismoll7secinv]

15 questions, 15 people:

I was tagged by dear @a-very-fond-farewell 💚I hope you get your lobster sanctuary! 💚

-

1. are you named after anyone?

nope

2. when was the last time you cried?

I don't know, I don't really cry

3. do you have kids?

never

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

yeah, quite casually in everyday life, but I try to tone it down

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

I'm bad with faces, I might not recognise someone who's new to me after interacting with them every day for 2 weeks (based on a true story) xdd so what I notice at first is the overall vibe they present, which is a combination of their posture and body language, clothes and accessories, facial expressions etc. This doesn't tell absolutely accurately who they are, but it shows how they want to be perceived mixed with some unconscious elements they might not notice themselves, which is interesting to me

6. what’s your eye color?

eh idk, people say they're blue when I'm in a blue pool, green when I'm among greenery, grey when it's a bit dark. I guess they're a subtle mixture that looks like nothing until there's something external that brings out one of the colors. it's a bit annoying tbh, so I usually just say grey

7. scary movies or happy endings?

i love horror, very high on my list of fav genres, but I also love happy endings, just not necessarily in horrors. In media other than horror I need HE or I feel down. So i'd say: both

8. any special talents?

I've had a music talent since I was little, couldn't understand how other kids didn't know how to play the flute or keep the rhythm. I've also heard various ppl say that I somehow know how to arrange things to be aesthetically pleasing, but I could never explain how to do it, it just looks better a certain way. A bit for drawing, considering how fast I improved compared to some other people, but I haven't pursued it farther than sketching. Sport comes pretty smoothly to me and my body, I've always been "the athletic girl"

I may sound like i'm bragging but i try to be objective for my own self. After all "talent" means nothing and is just bitterly wasted if you're not practising, so for me it can be more of a shameful thing that I let rot rather than something to be proud of. It's also so useless when teaching others, because you don't know how to explain shit when you do it intuitively, which tripped me a lot of times while trying to teach someone. Very annoying and sometimes isolating in a sense that you just vibe with yourself instead of sharing the experience with others

9. where are you born?

in a hospital

10. what are your hobbies?

reading, writing, taking care of plants, pen & paper rpgs, collecting weird trinkets and paintings, drawing, horror movies, detective stories, listening to podcasts

11. do you have any pets?

we have a dog but I moved out of my family home recently and the doggo stayed there, I still visit often and walk him, but it doesn't feel like he's really mine anymore :(

12. what sports do you/have you played?

I did gymnastics and horse-riding for a few years as a kid, used to jog in middle/high school, I also go on a trip to the mountains at least once a year to hike bc I'm obsessed with it. Recently I like to do yoga and fitness to bring my body to its limit and stretch all the pains that keep accumulating. I almost didn't move from my desk for over a year some time ago because i was too busy with uni, work and a few other big things, and it ended up in a neck injury that escalated to a few months of rehab. Now I move a lot so those nightmarish pain and several contusions don't repeat

13. how tall are you?

taller than most women and many guys

14. favourite subject in school?

all languages, math, biology

15. dream job?

neuroscientist, astronaut or pilot of small planes

-

I have no idea who did this already, feel free to ignore as always. Tagging @prommethium @miyakuli @still-gathering-roses @carmine-sunlight @wikipedie

[aroaceconfessions]

tws ahead of time: venting, discussion of medical examinations of sex organs (pap smear), masturbation mention

so i am. very asexual. sex ambivalent but i’m really just not interested overall. i’m also afab. which means when i’m 21 i’m gonna have to get a pap smear. which is gonna SUCK

being trans makes this twice as bad. i’m low dysphoria but the idea of ANYTHING entering my body like that makes me want to cry. like i get panic attacks at the thought of having to put in a tampon (i’m a pads person) it’s like. bad. technically i’d be able to handle it (had a short period of time before realizing i was ace + trans where i thought i HAD to masturbate bc “everyone did it” (my parents gave good sex ed but normalized masturbation a bit too much lmao)) but i’d hate every minute of it

so the idea of a pap smear horrifies me. first off- i have to let a doctor see me half-naked. this part doesn’t bug me too much because . it’s a doctor and it’s completely non-sexual but i still don’t like the idea of anyone seeing . that

then i’d have to just fucking sit there while they put a fucking giant cold metal tool in my body so they can reach my fucking CERVIX???? and THEN they’d have to brush cells OFF of said cervix??? no. no no NO that gives me such bad anxiety it’s fucking insane.

i’m also terrified it’ll hurt because. i’m not gonna be sexually active and i don’t even fucking use tampons. and i KNOW that if i go to a good gyn then they will find ways to help me be less scared or feel it less but i still hate the idea of sharing that vulnerability. i’m a crier and i do not want to cry in front of a doctor because i’m scared of such a normal procedure. it’s less a fear of judgement and more just a pride thing i think. i know they deal with it frequently i’m just kinda horrified. the idea of coming out as ace to someone who has control over my health is also actually terrifying esp bc i live in texas

if i could i’d just get my whole uterus removed and solve the problem but apparently it “produces important hormones” that i don’t want to throw off balance so. guess i’m stuck

idk i need to talk to my mom about it (she gives good advice) or maybe my aunt (similar feelings towards sex as me) but god it just sounds so scary. i’m incredibly scared for it.

that being said if you have a cervix and are 21+ (25 if ur british) then you do need to get a pap smear once every three years. it may be horrifying but cervical cancer is way scarier. i’m sorry it sucks for us but it’s like life-or-death important. can’t really afford to skip out on it unfortunately :(

if anyone else has similar worries and/or has had a pap smear i’d love to hear about it in the notes. no pressure of course privacy n all but it’d make me feel less alone so if you’re comfy sharing. hope everyone’s having a good [time of day]

[fairycosmos]

really urgent

do you have any advice for dealing with violent, aggressive younger siblings? I try to avoid them both as much as I can but I you know tell him to do the dishes or no, I won’t share my food with him and he’ll kick me, scream or yell and he always taunts me oh are you scared I’ll hit you? and I’m physically disabled, weak, have no balance and it’s so humiliating. and I just have to take it and pretend I don’t care. I also always tell myself to just ignore him like never interact with him again unless my dad tells me to or sth and only then but idk I can never keep my promise. UGH now I’m crying because I don’t know what to do. Like they both threaten violence, one is 15 the other 19, but they’re both really strong and muscular. None of my friends understands because most of them are only children or simply don’t live in an insane family. I hate them both so much and I hate that I’m scared of them and that they know it. They’re also both big misogynists and this is like stuff that they’ll brag about to their friends. I’ve tried telling my parents but they don’t really listen, they either don’t believe or tell me it’s my fault if they retaliate. I also can’t tell my grandparents bc it’s humiliating and also I think they would think that I’m exaggerating. But idk what to do and it’s getting annoying. and also dangerous. help (like there’ve been times my brother and his friends have chased me through my town I mean literally, like I had to run away and hide. Or times when the older one has p*ssed on my bed. The older one also at times has threatened to use a knife on my mom and cut her, so she’s also scared off him, which is why she won’t intervene) 😐

hey, thank you for reaching out to me. this is so so messed up and i'm so sorry you have to deal with it - i literally can not fathom the gravity of what you're going through and the fear you have to live with every day. it's completely unacceptable and no matter what, there is no justifying the shit you've been forced to put up with - while i absolutely understand that your parents are scared of your brothers too, they have a duty of care and responsibility to protect you and they are not seeing it through by allowing this to continue. i know it's very nuanced and i'm not blaming anyone other than your brothers for how they're acting, but none of this is fair to you at all. i also understand that telling your grandparents seems like a scary, daunting prospect but if it is something that is on the cards i really urge you to consider it. write down what you need to say if that helps you get your thoughts organised. if you're worried about having to prove their behaviour, would you parents not at least consider backing you up on this? are you able to record a snippet of these meltdowns to show them? though you truly should not have to go to those lengths, it's awful. you just deserve all the support you can possibly get, and i don't want fear of not being believed to stop you from seeking that.

this is a very serious situation and i'm worried about giving you the wrong advice that could possibly exacerbate things. staying in your room and completely disengaging from them as much as possible is definitely recommended as a first step, but there has to be other resources you can possibly look into. i'm going to leave various links below that can offer you that support and those coping mechanisms and i hope you at least check some of them out - i wish i could offer more insight myself but your brothers sound extremely dangerous and i think it's urgent that you reach out to family, friends, communal support, your GP, or the authorities that are actually tangibly around you. i know that's infinitely easier said than done, and i'm not expecting you to gain some superhuman amount of courage that will allow you to sort everything out overnight. that's not your job. it is absolutely 100% understandable that you are scared and traumatised by their actions. what i am saying is that you are clearly at a place where you know this isn't right and that it can not continue, and that the resources below can help guide you towards reaching out and also coping with the situation at hand. i hope you're able to check them out, even just one or two, and implement them into your life moving forward. again, i'm so so sorry you're dealing with this and i hope you know that there are people who can help, that you are not doomed to live in this exact situation forever. sending so so much love your way, please reach out if and when possible. you do not deserve this and i am rooting for you with all of my heart. if you need a friend, someone to talk to a more specific form of support please reach out to me and i will try my best to help as much as i am able. x

if you're under 18 - please please consider reaching out to a teacher, a friend's parent or CPS/childline (resources for that here, here, here and here.) if you are in ever in immediate danger, call the authorities immediately. it is ok to put yourself first.

info on sibling abuse

international abuse helplines

disability and abuse helpline

getting help for domestic violence

domestic violence safety plan pdf

info on toxic siblings and estrangement

living with abuse: coping mechanisms pdf

abuse: self help guide pdf

the survivors handbook: support for disabled women

disability & abuse resource

simple trauma coping mechanisms pdf

coping with trauma worksheets/exercises pdf list

how to report domestic abuse 1

how to report domestic abuse 2

how to report domestic abuse 3

women with disabilities: how to identify abuse and get help

anxiety: coping mechanisms pdf

healing from domestic abuse pdf

surviving domestic abuse pdf

domestic abuse: survivors handbook pdf

identifying and coping with emotional abuse

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

This is just a thought but…. How do u think stsg would react to u getting into a fight? Maybe just idk… some creep who tried getting too close or some old ex friend that picked the fight first. :3 like no SERIOUS injuries more of a bloody nose + bruised knuckles kinda thing…. (forgive me 4 not being more dramatic I’m v v squeamish when it comes to violence) I feel like you’ve mentioned this before but idk my memory isn’t the best </3 like. I’m sort of imaging u come home a little later sorta roughed up and they’re just. Immediately like what the fuck?? I don’t see them as the type to go out and beat the person up (toru maybe…… /hj I think they’d both be tempted but that would just be a heat of the moment urge I think…) I’m gonna be honest the whole reason I even thought of this was for the idea of sugu tending to ur wounds… maybe scolding u a little for getting into a fight with someone… toru not smiling for once in his life and instead just. Kissing ur forehead trying not to let it show how pissed off he is (not at u ofc !!!). hehe idk this was just a little brain thing,,!! I hope ur doing well thoooo !! — stsg anon :>

STSG ANON THE LOMLLLL I’VE MISSED YOU 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it’s been so long since you sent this i’m so sorry for the wait!!!! it got lost in my drafts and i only found it just now T_T

BUT AAAAA I’VE MISSED YOUR STSG THOUGHTS….. this scenario appeals to me soso much!!!!!!! AND DWWWW i’m a big ol sensitive baby when it comes to violence/gore so 😭😭 that’s perfect!!!! they would be so worried and so protective….. definitely pissed off too. like. the kind of anger that just boils under their skin yk?? i agree with you that they aren’t the type to instantly go the violent revenge route tho!!! their priority is just to make sure you’re okay :((( they’re absolutely seething w anger and just . twitching bc they’re so upset on your behalf LMAOO but i think they’d put it aside to care for you!!!!

and as always i agree w you completely <33 sugu is tending to your wounds and scolding you the slightest bit….. but i think he’d be a little too worried and guilty to really sound convincing. i just see sugu as being soooo empathetic :(((( he sees you all bruised up and it physically hurts him. he just wants you to be okay!!!! and then toru…. him not smiling and kissing your forehead instead <///3 he’s sooo so precious and so worried . i think he’d also feel a little ashamed!!! stsg are just sooo protective of you that i feel like they’d blame themselves for not being there yk?? :’3 so they make it up by being extra sweet. sniffle… i love them sm……

BUT honestly. when they’ve taken care of you properly and heard your explanation…… i think they get to Work 💀💀 NOW I DON’T. think. they’d get into a physical fight….. there’s a chance but it depends on the circumstance. at the very least they’re making their way over to whoever hurt you and making sure they Know you have two guard dogs protecting you <33333 they may or may not rough said person up too idk honestly. i just think they’d find it hard to control themselves around someone who Actually hurt you 😭😭 (if it’s a creep then they’re def Resorting to Violence but maybe not if it’s old friend...) they’re a littleeeeee scary but so sweet.

protective stsg my beloveds…. tysm for the good food stsg anon <3333 i rlly did miss you so much!! i hope you’re doing well!!!! and having a super lovely day or night :3 sending you lots of kissies + these stsg plushies…… they love you Very Much <33

[my-castles-crumbling]

Swiftie Anon

Hi guys! I got an ask from an anon that might be triggering so I'm copy-pasting it here so I can put a 'read more' button. I'm naming them Swiftie Anon because they said Taylor really helped them.

TW: SH, SI

Hi Cas, hope you’re ok, because I sure as hell am not. Trigger warning, like mentions of self harm and stuff like that I think.

I’m a seventh grader and recently I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot more than I usually do. During the pandemic I was in 3rd grade and I kinda realized how much life sucked, but when I went back to school in 5th grade, I realized that this hadn’t occurred to anyone else. I kind of brushed it off bc I’ve always been sort of a pessimist but then I sixth grade I started having suicidal thoughts, I think. I just felt really done with everything, I didn’t want to draw or read or write, and my parents were pissed all the time, it felt like my friends were bored of me (I have abandonment issues from all my friends in elementary school leaving me) (I think)and I thought it would just be easier to not exist anymore, it wasn’t that good. I discovered Taylor, the angel that she is, she just felt…like a friend, like she was right there, you know, and I’ve been mostly okay-ish since. But school fucking sucks and in 7th grade I had to do a presentation in front of my class and I started crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t even stand up. I think I have anxiety idk. I’ve always been shy, and I’ve hyperventilated before when my parents were yelling at me about stuff and my arms started bleeding because I was digging my nails into them. My parents found out at conferences and I got grounded. my brother knows bc he walked in on me crying and hyperventilating once but he’s leaving for college next year and idk how the fuck I’ll stay together without him. My younger sister and I are really close, but I don’t want to drag her in onto this stuff. And ik once I get to high school it’ll be even worse bc high school sounds horrible and I might be all alone again bc I might not go to the same high school as my friends

I haven’t said a word about this to anyone voluntarily and I know I can’t tell my parents. I always lie on those surveys you get at the doctor, and my parents are always saying I should have a more positive outlook on life and try to be happier and it makes me so pissed bc I am trying as hard as I can to be happening but nothing fucking works.

idk what do with myself anymore, a teacher mentioned college today and I almost broke down sobbing bc I don’t think I’ll let myself live that long. It’s just…really hard and everyday feels like years. Should I tell someone? I’m not as bad as I was in 6th grade, but I know I should be getting help somehow. But I suck at asking for things and I can’t trust any adults.

sorry for the rant, I just need some advice. And a virtual, pat on the head or something, idk.

---

Hi hon!

First, (with your permission), I'm like to give you a virtual hug, because it sounds like you're dealing with a lot <3

I'm gonna be really real with you right now: You need to ask for some help. You have a lot going on, and some really heavy feelings, and you don't deserve to be dealing with them at ALL, let alone by yourself.

You're young, and you have SO MUCH life left to enjoy, and suffering through it like this isn't fair. So I'm going to share something about myself with you, okay?

When I was younger, I was very depressed. I was in a bad relationship and I felt very trapped, and I got to a point similar to you.

One day, I got so overwhelmed that I sort of realized that I either needed to ask for help or I would end up making a really bad decision. So, I asked for help.

Again, I'm going to be real: It was SUPER scary. I had to see a lot of doctors and I cried a lot. But after a lot of work, I was able to get better, and now, years later, I am in a (different) healthy relationship, and I have a job and a pet, and I'm here talking to you.

I know this sounds stupid because it's like some feel-good story and right now I'm sure you feel less than great. But I say this because you NEED to ask for help, even if it is difficult. Because there are real things past this feeling. A future job, a future relationship (if you want), a future pet, future kids (if you want). They're all very real and achievable and this feeling is temporary, even thought it feels so permanent right now.

So I'm going to give you some options, since it seems like you don't want to talk to your parents:

Talk to a doctor. Doctors are trained to help you, and they have a lot of resources.

Talk to a trusted teacher. Teachers can sometimes be amazing resources as well, and a lot of them want to listen when you ask to talk.

Talk to a different adult (aunt, uncle, coach, someone!) that you feel close to that will help.

Call/text/message a hotline. Here is an example of a hotline you can talk to via messaging, text, or phone, depending on what you prefer.

But you need to ask for help, because you DESERVE to be happy and living your best life.

It would make me super happy if you message/inboxed me an update, whether you're doing better, worse, or the same! I'm so proud of you for reaching out and I'm cheering you on!