#i really had a lot of fun writing this
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Fir the unusual asks!! BTS and perspective flip of your choosing for in the meadow!
you won't be up for a few more hours, but I finished this just barely and I've got a busy schedule today so here you go!
ty for sending this I seriously had sm fun
want to send in an unusal ask? here are the prompts !
BTS: I’ll write a DVD commentary about my personal favorite passage from in the meadow
The bench !!!
Okay, since I know you enjoy the bench scene in chapter 8, squid, I decided to go back and see what I remembered. I’m gonna do a kind of play by play to stick with the DVD commentary theme, starting at the final chunk when Milly recaps her daily routine (after the Roberto altercation).
So, because this hasn’t come much into play yet, but the line:
“Milly was relieved she wouldn’t have to shoulder all that work herself.”
Was super intentional. It is kind of a character choice I made for Milly in this story, but she takes on responsibility that isn’t hers, and we’ll see this later in the story.
This section and chapter in general is where I introduced that the boys heal really quickly, and I do wish to this day that I had included more plant stuff, but i’ve also decided its never too late to introduce the cosmic horror or just pretty wings into the story
Oh my gosh i forgot how much of a brat I made knives in the beginning. He’s so scared and angry and of course he’s gonna take it out on Milly, but he’s also going to hold back because of that fear…. What a silly little traumatized man.
I loved writing Milly as she just got so excited when Knives would do ANYTHING. He’s moving? Perfect. He’s speaking in full sentences? Perfect. He’s looking me in the eye? PERFECT.
Another character building line!
“…but Milly was trained in the art of reading expressions–a byproduct of being the mediator in her large family.”
So much happens in just two weeks time GEEZ
I think I could have done better at explaining how Milly feels about Knives’ personal crises. She’s so observant and has known the whole time that he’s suffering, but she had to put that fixing aside in favor of him gaining his strength back.
I think Milly has some anxiety that she has learned how to process well over the years, but its kind of manifested in weird habits (specifically popping her knuckles)
I really like this line vvv
“Milly could have screamed in frustration, but the tension surrounding them was so thick it probably would have silenced her.”
I also still think this line is hilarious, because at this moment, Milly is NOT thinking about Vash at all. During their physical therapy sessions she hardly notices him, except when Knives is being a little brat or when Milly goes to leave
“The ability to work his own muscles was a relief to both Milly and Knives. And Vash, she guessed.”
Milly is always watching, always learning, and always observing others for information. She may not do anything with it, but I think her upbringing had her kind of mediating her siblings and her nieces and nephews. This just resulted in her being able to read anyone, and gave her the ability to watch without being noticed. That way, she can see that Mr. “I can’t hold a poker face to save my life” Knives for what he truly is.
I was laying in bed when I thought of this scene, and i just loved the idea of powerful strongwoman Milly Thompson absolutely overpowering Millions Knives simply because he let himself wither away in self loathing, and she is determined to fix that.
And i liked the idea of him flailing and cursing her out for being nice.
So I did base the cilantro bit off of personal experience. My mom grew cilantro in her garden earlier this year and informed me that after they go to seed they just go crazy, and anytime I would go into the yard and the wind would blow, it smelt SO MUCH LIKE CILANTRO IT WAS CRAZY. Apologies to those who have the bad cilantro gene!
“What…” his voice was soft, reluctant, “What is that smell?”
Oooo! This is the first time Knives truly addresses her!
Oh my gosh I forgot about this… its not important but its kind of a nice world building thing I could keep referencing.
“Her father was the resident composter, taking their food scraps and monitoring their decomposing process in his–admittedly gorgeous–enclosed composting system.”
Hehehe apple tree apple tree
I kind of have a rotation in my brain for the apple tree. They have four harvests every year, and the apple tree is fruiting every other time.
Oh gosh I just made my heart skip reading their conversation, i’m so silly about my own fic.
Cheesy dumb silly line that i love so much
“Besides, sunshine is one of the best medicines”
So I think I mentioned this when squid drew me that lovely and perfect and beautiful drawing of Knives and Milly at the end of this chapter, but I had this moment planned from the beginning. In my mind, it was the first step in Knives being like “Hey, I just had a human provide SOME genuine emotional care for me since Rem, and it feels weird”. Its that turning point, or at least the beginning of something.
Perspective Flip: I’ll write a scene from in the meadow from another character’s point-of-view
Oh geez, uuhh Vash carrying Meryl to bed in chapter 19 but from Meryl's perspective
Meryl went from uncomfortably half-asleep with her cheek pressed against her seat's headrest, to snuggling against what she considered to be the perfect pillow. She wasn't sure what it was made of or how it got below her head, but it was solid and warm, and she could hear a faint but steady heartbeat beneath. Meryl knew then that she'd never find anything better.
And then, she was moving.
It was slow, careful movement, but she could feel it nonetheless. She didn't mind it, the gentle breeze was welcome and whatever was carrying her had her wrapped up securely in its grasp, strong arms supporting her back and underneath her knees. She leaned into the pillow, the starchy fabric rubbing against her cheek, and she hummed quietly.
It was overwhelming, the powerful hold sleep had on her. It felt like sand from the dunes was rolling over her, blown in with a hot Eastern wind. Meryl wasn't forming any coherent thoughts to begin with, and the newfound bed she was in was providing her with all the right circumstances to insure it stayed that way.
Her careful ears swore they heard some strange creaks, but Meryl opted to focus on that heartbeat from earlier. It resonated with her own, the two patterns matching and keeping time together. Meryl couldn't help but smile.
That final crest of sleep was ready to crash over her when one of the steady limbs beneath her shifted, knocking her out of that blissful state. Meryl whined at the change, then a gentle voice from above calmed her, luring her back into peaceful rest with a gentle brush of warm air. She immediately complied, her beloved pillow providing solace.
Finally, she had stopped moving. Her mystery mode of transportation had ended its journey and Meryl chose this as the perfect opportunity to finally surrender completely. Nuzzling into her cradle, Meryl didn't bother with smells or touch (except that this warm pseudo-bed smelled just like home), she just allowed all of her muscles to relax as sleep beckoned her fully. In return, her place of rest squeezed tighter around her, and Meryl felt her chest warm, desperate to keep it this way forever.
It was starting to get annoying, but right as she nearly descended into unconsciousness, the warmth was disappearing, being pulled away from her. That beloved pillow no longer cradled her head.
No no no
Her sleep addled brain had enough cognizance to reach out, and Meryl grasped at whatever she could. Finding purchase in some stiff, wrinkled fabric, Meryl knew the feel: it was her pillow, and she held tight. Pulling with all her might, Meryl figured it would've been easy. She was small, but she was strong, and she wanted to go back. She wanted to return to whatever had been holding her so carefully, whatever had cradled her in its arms.
Then, it was warm again, the heat returning as something brushed her cheek and the edge of her ear.
"You need to go to sleep in a bed, Meryl," a voice whispered, a familiar voice.
A very familiar voice.
Why did she need to sleep in a bed when Vash was right here? He was perfect for her to curl up into, and he was more comforting than any actual bed she'd ever slept in. She tried again to pull into his chest, but it was a futile effort; she was weak against the powerful force of sleep and Vash's wishes for her.
Relenting her grasp, Meryl nearly felt like crying as the warmth of his body completely disappeared, separated by a quilt that might as well have been a brick wall between them. Meryl did, however, enjoy the plush feeling of a real pillow beneath her head. Her bed began to adjust to her weight, sinking and molding to her frame, but Meryl couldn't help but miss the way that Vash's arms were already the perfect size.
Meryl tried to sleep, tried to welcome those waves to wash over and drag her into oblivion, but it wouldn't come.
Then, grateful she hadn't succumbed, a hand--his hand--ran through her hair. Relief flooded her at the barest touch, the return of his natural heat soothing her so completely. Meryl sighed, her heart rate calming.
Sometime poked her mind, something that had bothered her before she slept, but she couldn't remember what.
His hand pulled away, and Meryl wanted to scream, demand he put it back, but her body was unwilling. Instead, she focused all of her remaining mental energy on that thought, the one that she had forgotten.
Oh.
Her voice was creaky, sleepy sounding as she attempted her question, "Hey, Vash?"
Silence followed, and Meryl feared that he had already left. Desperate to peek, her eyelids were so heavy, and anything she tried to see was just shades of darkness.
Finally, he answered, "Yeah, Meryl?"
She wanted to smile, show she was glad he was still nearby, "Did you miss me?"
Another pause.
"Yeah," he replied quietly, "I did."
Something akin to satisfaction filled Meryl as she finally let go of all connection to consciousness.
"Knew it."
#i really had a lot of fun writing this#i might clean it up some more and make it more fluffy but who knows#i may even put it on ao3#trigun#vashmeryl#wip#fic#in the meadow#millynai#millyons
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I hope you take this as the compliment it is intended to be, but you strike the same chord of irreverence-as-love, jokes-to-showcase-sencerity that I get from Chuck Tingle, and I adore both of you.
You have bestowed the greatest honour upon me.
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangij#wei wuxian#digital art#ask#Thank you very much; I do take it as the compliment you intended it to be B*)#Mr. Tingle is a legend in both grindset and vibes. To be even 0.1% striking a similar chord is an aspiration of mine.#I also want to honour the effort I put into this parody book cover. Which was a *lot* more than one would think.#Covers were analyzed. I did research and took notes. I learned how to download fonts. 4 different programs were used.#This file is also poster sized (A4 dimensions)! I thought It would make the joke funnier for some reason.#Chuck Tingle's style is very iconic and fun to replicate. Despite the time intensive labour - I had a blast making this!#I admit to skimming most of the chapter this is based off of just to fact check a few details but boy did I learn things.#Wei Wuxian canonically has CAKE. Tiny waist and a fat ass.#I took several more notes but I will warn you now that I can't *not* find smut writing to be very funny.#This was pure chaos. Unbridled chaos. WWX really did shove a sword up his ass to bully dream-LWJ.#The need to be a little shit trumps saftey I guess.#There is a 99.9% chance I will not cover the extras so this is likely all the fans of those chapters will get from PD-MDZS.
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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PART ONE
summary: by chance you and your emotionally unavailable husband meet a friendly couple that invite you stay at their farmhouse in scotland. however the time spent there with johnny & kyle has you questioning if there's a dark side to them you didn't see before.
a speak no evil au - masterlist
notes: manipulative johnny & kyle, piv, noncon, somno, never explicitly acknowledged abusive relationship between reader and her husband (financial, physical, emotional, coercive control), drinking, murder, it's dead dove horror people!! heed the warnings
you picked at the buttery croissant on the plate in front of you, trying your best to block out the sound of your husband’s voice as it grew more frustrated by the minute. you pitied the poor soul he was berating on the other end of the line, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad enough to try and stop him, to turn his ire against you instead.
he wouldn’t listen to you anyway, hadn’t the first few times you’d asked when you’d first arrived on your honeymoon.
you scoffed quietly and shoved a bite into your mouth, chewing obstinately. two years late, but sure. your honeymoon.
elliot sighed heavily, and threw his phone down onto the table, rattling your coffee and gaining the attention of nearby hotel staff. “i work with fucking idiots, christ. how hard is it to follow instructions?”
“it’s why they keep you around, smartest one on your team,” you said appeasingly, the same rote answer you always gave him when he got in his moods.
“smartest one at the whole fucking firm more like,” he scoffed. you cringed at the scornful looks sent your way from the other couples on the retreat. “useless. the lot of them.”
the french riviera had been a dream destination for you for years, one elliot had known about from early in your dating days. the holiday he’d booked was all inclusive; tailored to honeymooners specifically with romantic activities on and off site and transport easily accessible in order to explore the area.
you felt as though you should’ve been having the time of your life as you sat eating breakfast looking over the beautiful beach view, but you’d never felt emptier. the sight of happy couples around you day after day had only highlighted your husband’s distance.
elliot had promised this trip would change things for you both, for your relationship, but the last six days had proven the opposite. if he wasn’t busy and distracted on his phone, elliot was complaining about the quality of the food, the amenities, even the bloody people.
it was too much and just the morning before you’d been tempted to ask him to cut the fortnight away short when he’d gotten an urgent email and then a frantic call from his boss.
you’d sighed in relief when he’d left you to wander the local area by yourself for the day; happy to escape his negativity for an hour even as you felt guilty for thinking so. you knew he worked hard, you knew his job was important, and his work meant you could afford your luxury apartment in London and be able to take trips like this one without stressing over the cost.
you’d taken the time to go to the market you’d read about on the plane, the place des lices, and tried every free sample of cheese that had been waved your way once you’d gotten there. but you hadn’t been the only one from your hotel to take advantage of the famous food stalls as you recognised the deep scottish brogue of one half of the couple that were staying in the room next to yours; it rose even above the busy hum of french chatter easily.
you’d turned your head and smiled when you caught his pretty husband’s eyes before turning back to the stall merchant and buying a chunk of fresh camembert for elliot to try. you’d been eyeing up the fruit stall further down and were debating the brie too if you spotted some good cranberry jam.
“you’re from the hotel, right?” you suddenly heard from your left. you turned to find the couple a lot closer than before, apparently taking your polite smile as invitation to join you. “i’ve seen you at the pool before. I’m kyle, this is my husband, johnny.”
“nice t’meet ye.”
you’d introduced yourself and shook their hands once your cheese was carefully packed into your tote bag.
“where’s yer chatty husband?” johnny asked, eyes scanning the crowd.
you flushed, a creeping sense of embarrassment rising as you thought of elliot back at the hotel shooing you off before you’d even sat for breakfast.
“oh he had some emergency at work he had to deal with,” you excused. “didn’t need me hanging around distracting him, so i went for a walk.”
“you’re on your own?” kyle asked with a concerned frown.
“yeah, but i don’t mind. i travelled alone a lot before we were together. i’m used to my own company,” you said with a soft laugh.
the pair swapped a silent look before focusing back on you. “well, we’d be happy to have ye if you’re feeling lonely, bonnie,” johnny offered. “we were thinkin’ of goin’ wine tasting after this now that we’ve got our snacks, if you’d like to join.”
you chuckled as johnny raised their bag and wiggled his eyebrows.
“i wouldn’t want to intrude.” you shook your head.
“it beats heading back to the hotel,” kyle cajoled. “unless you had other plans?”
you pursed your lips before letting a small, shy smile grow. “ok. wine tasting sounds fun.”
you had spent the afternoon laughing and eating the cheese, bread and fruits you’d bought at the market over glasses of wine with johnny and kyle, a wide smile never leaving your lips even as the three of you stumbled back up the steps to the hotel.
your phone had stayed silent the entire day and it wasn’t until you were waving goodbye to your new friends and opening the door to your hotel room that you wondered if elliot would be annoyed at you for staying out so long without contacting him.
you smiled a little shakily as you caught him leaving the bathroom with a towel slung around his hips. “good day?”
“fixed their mess if that’s what you mean,” elliot huffed, but he turned to you with a satisfied smile and nodded. he dipped his head down and kissed you sweetly. “what about you? good day?”
“mhm,” you hummed, your smile settling more firmly on your face at his easy mood. “i went wine tasting.”
“oh?” elliot grinned, looking at you a little closer and taking in the signs of your slight inebriation, the way you swayed slightly on your feet and the almost sleepy glaze over your eyes.
“met a few new friends,” you said. “johnny and kyle.”
elliot stiffened for a moment before smiling again, less genuine and with a sharper edge this time. “oh? that’s nice. i’ll be free to spend the day doing whatever you’d like tomorrow, darling. no need for friends on our honeymoon.”
“you will?” you asked as you started to undress, surprised he wasn’t asking for an extra day to check everything with work had settled. you didn’t look the gift horse in the mouth however. “there’s a great market i saw today we could go to. i wouldn’t mind going twice, the cheese is amazing—“
“sure, sure. fine. let’s just sleep now, yeah? i’m exhausted after today,” elliot interrupted as he dried himself off before climbing into bed.
“of course, yeah. we can figure it out over breakfast.”
which brought you back to now, with your croissant and your husband and your beach view and the ever growing pit of disappointment.
you skimmed your eyes over the other couples sat on the veranda with you and felt jealousy bubble and spit in your stomach. it was the small things you longed for, the easy affection you craved; legs hooked together under the table, feeding each other, shy smiles shared behind mugs, little jokes whispered on the breeze.
you felt tears prickle at your eyes unexpectedly and wiped at them hastily before elliot could notice.
“bonnie?” your head whipped up at the familiar voice and you smiled automatically at johnny and kyle as they made their way over. johnny was in a pair of shorts, and you saw a knee brace peek out from the hem.
“mind if we join you?” kyle asked, already pulling out a chair at your eager nod, ignoring the deep frown on elliot’s face.
“and you are?” elliot asked rudely, looking between the two men.
“this is johnny and kyle, the couple i told you about last night.” you laid a gentle hand on elliot’s forearm.
“oh, the wine tasters. right.”
“heard you were busy saving yer boss’ arse yesterday,” johnny said with a pinched smile. “yer bonnie wife didnae mention what ye did though?”
“i work for a powerful man looking after his money,” elliot explained vaguely, with an air of condescension.
you noticed kyle wave over a waitress and quietly order for both him and johnny, his palm settled firmly on johnny’s thigh beneath the table.
“oh aye? tha’s a lotta responsibility then. no wonder yer always looking so stressed on yer phone,” johnny laughed.
“oi, be nice, john,” kyle scolded, but the smile teasing the corner of his lips took away any bite the reprimand held.
“sorry, uh, emmet, was it?”
“elliot,” you corrected quickly.
johnny snapped his fingers and nodded. “right, right. sorry, my memory’s not what it used to be.” he waved at a rough scar at the side of his head.
“so how long have you two been together?” kyle asked as their drinks arrived. you saw elliot sniff at the vast amount of sugar kyle poured into his tea.
“five years,” you answered at the same time elliot answered, four years. you turned to him with a frown. “we’ve been married for two. we met before your promotion, remember?”
“are you sure, darling?” elliot asked.
“yes, elliot. i’m sure.”
kyle and johnny watched silently, eyebrows raised until you turned back to your croissant with a tense jaw.
“time flies ‘n all that,” johnny said, hoping to ease your tension.
“right.” you nodded. “what about you guys? been together long?”
“been stuck with him for a decade now,” kyle huffed, patting his hand on johnny’s leg.
“been blessed by me, more like, cheeky sod,” johnny muttered.
you laughed as kyle leant in to kiss his cheek obnoxiously. “met in the forces, just clicked.”
“been together ever since i caught him starin’ in the showers,” johnny boasted with a grin.
elliot shifted uncomfortably in his chair and johnny’s grin dropped minisculely and his eyes hardened.
“what’re yer plans today then, bonnie?”
“oh, uhm, we’re not quite sure yet,” you said looking to elliot. “maybe the market since elliot missed it yesterday?”
“you should join us on our cruise along the coast,” kyle said. “just us and the captain, and a fair bit of booze; views are meant to be unmissable.”
“sounds better than a market,” elliot chuffed before shrugging. “sure, why not?”
“really?” you were more than surprised elliot was willingly agreeing to spend more time with kyle and johnny given how on edge he’d been just sat with them the last ten minutes.
“what d’ye say, bon?” johnny leant over the small table with a smile, taking up enough space for you to feel surprisingly cornered.
“pretty hard to say no to ‘unmissable’,” you said and forced a laugh.
“great,” kyle said and johnny slumped back into his seat, throwing an arm around the back of kyle chair. “we’ve got an hour before we’re meant to be there so eat up, love.”
elliot bristled at their familiarity with you and wrapped his own arm around the back of your chair, his hand curling around your shoulder and squeezing just a tad too tight. “she’s already eaten.”
“what, that little pastry?” johnny laughed. “you’ll need yer energy for what we’ve got planned, hen.” johnny winked.
you felt yourself flush involuntarily, your heart thumped and your eyes widened at the accidental insinuation and you knew elliot had heard it the same way going by the agitated tap of his leg beneath the table.
“i’ll probably just have another coffee,” you said placating, and smiled thinly when elliot kissed your temple. “i can grab something for on the boat or afterwards maybe.”
“that’s my girl,” elliot spoke into your hair.
---
while kyle and johnny finished up their breakfast, you nipped back into your room to change into your swimwear underneath your dress and met them along with elliot at the steps leading down to the beach.
once you’d left the dock and were deep enough in the water that it became a mesmerising dark blue, it didn’t take much convincing to have you jump in the water with johnny as the boat idled in place. elliot had waved you off with a dismissive glance at his phone when you asked if he’d join and kyle had promised to have the towels ready when you’d both ran out of energy.
“not joining them?” elliot asked, sparing a quick glance at kyle as he sat down next to your husband.
“figured i’d keep you company ‘til johnny climbs back on board. we’re temporary neighbours after all, yeah?” kyle said. he looked over the side of the boat and shook his head at his husband splashing you despite your giggly squeals of outrage. “married for two years?” he asked out of the blue and waited for elliot to hum his agreement. “what you doing on a honeymoon trip then, if you don’t mind me asking?”
elliot sighed frustratedly as he locked his phone and put it down beside him, knowing he was going to get nothing done with kyle yammering by his side. “we’re busy people, only just found the time together to go.”
kyle raised his eyebrows in shock. “busy indeed.” he looked to elliot’s phone. “got any photos of the wedding?”
elliot nodded once, and not enthusiastically enough for kyle’s liking, as he pulled up the photo folder you’d made on his phone titled ‘happily ever after 🩷’ before handing it to kyle to flip through.
the younger man whistled lowly, eyes glued to the screen as he pinched and moved the photos to zoom in. elliot noticed how he paused on the photos of you, but flicked through the others quickly, not bothering to stop quick enough to take in your bridesmaids’ dresses or the expensive tiered cake or elliot’s flash suit.
he snatched his phone back when kyle licked his lips at a photo of you dancing with your friends.
“lovely gown,” kyle said with a smirk as he watched elliot seethe. “you really got lucky, eh? punching up like that.”
elliot’s eyes squinted in a glare. “excuse me?”
“come on, mate. you can be honest, it’s why you worry about the job, right? you want to keep that going for you so she doesn’t leave you in the dust,” kyle continued to goad him.
“it’s not me that needs to worry about being left behind,” elliot spat. he rubbed his hand over his mouth and jaw to hide his burgeoning smug look, but kyle saw it in his eyes, the self-satisfaction. “i’ve got options. plenty at that.”
kyle stared at him with a blank face. “oh yeah?”
elliot laughed meanly and dropped his hand. “oh yeah.” he tapped his phone against his palm for a moment, seemingly debating something before freezing as he heard you and johnny climb the short ladder back up to the deck, laughing all the while.
“done in already?” kyle asked, his mood already lighter.
“johnny’s knee is aching, thought he could rest it and we’d get a quick drink,” you answered with a wide smile, reaching for one of the beers stored in the boats built-in cooler and handing one to johnny.
“bonnie was jus’ telling me how she used to live in a much smaller area when she was younger,” johnny said as you both sat down opposite to your partners. “but you live in london now?”
“what is it with you two? always asking bloody questions,” elliot complained, hiding his unease behind a laugh.
“just making conversation, mate,” kyle said tersely.
you felt the air grow awkward and jumped in before your husband could make it worse.
“we moved to london for elliot’s work,” you said.
“and you like it?” kyle’s inquisitive, dark eyes had you willing to be more truthful than you would usually be, especially with near strangers.
“i have to admit… i’d always thought we’d be somewhere further from the city; its what i’d always wanted and elliot said he’d liked the idea of somewhere quieter. we met in my home town after all.” you caught elliot’s scornful eye and ducked your head. “but it just didn’t go that way in the end. and london is lovely, the apartment is— lovely.”
“you ever been to scotland?” johnny asked. “the countryside is like nothin’ you’ve ever seen up there.”
kyle nodded. “we’ve lived on the edge of falkland for a few years now; feels like the middle of nowhere sometimes. doesn’t get much better, i haven’t missed the city for years.”
“one of the best decisions we ever made,” johnny agreed, leaning over to kiss gaz softly.
you sighed wistfully.
“don’t think the hills would agree with my dear wife, but maybe we’ll take a trip up there some time,” elliot said unconvincingly. you swallowed thickly at his thinly veiled dig.
“when you’re not so busy, yeah?” kyle said staring your husband down.
elliot’s lips thinned. “yeah.”
“so how’re you finding france so far?” johnny asked. “enjoying yer stay?”
elliot sniffed. “could be better. from how this one went on about the place i was expecting a hell of a lot more,” he said snidely, gesturing to you flippantly. “i’d have picked bali personally.”
your shoulders hunched even as you felt indignation and anger burn the back of your throat. it wasn’t your fault elliot wasn’t taking advantage of the holiday, the lush area and the activities that promised to be unforgettable if given the chance. you knew you’d remember going in the sea with johnny for years to come, but you doubted you’d remember the boring dinners you’d been having with elliot in a month’s time, or at least not so fondly.
“think i’d have put the trip off for longer if i knew what this place was going to be like,” elliot laughed. “in fact—“
“why don’t you shut the fuck up fer once and let yer pretty wife speak, eh?” johnny cut him off with a sarcastic smile.
elliot was shocked into silence and you found yourself stuttering as kyle and johnny focused on you.
“what do you do when you’re not on a late honeymoon, love?” kyle asked.
“uhm, i don’t actually work currently,” you admitted sheepishly, your eyes darted to your husband as he grew redder in the face. “elliot makes enough to cover us financially and finding something in london was harder than expected after i had to suddenly quit my previous job when we moved.”
kyle and johnny cooed sympathetically.
“i’ve picked up painting recently though, which has been different. not necessarily any good at it, but i like it,” you said.
“an artist? yer after my heart, hen. i sketch a little myself,” johnny said. “now ye’ll have to come visit us just so you can paint the views.”
kyle was quick to pull out his phone to share some photos. he stopped on one of johnny on the top of a steep, grassy hill; his arms thrown up the air, backpack on the ground next to him and a wide grin stretched across his face, his mohawk a little longer than it was now and a mess in the wind.
“wow, it’s gorgeous there,” you gushed, trying not to focus on johnny’s strong stance highlighted by the rising sun behind him.
“that’s the view just behind our house,” kyle grinned. “forty minute hike to get there, at most.”
you gawped. “no way.”
johnny nodded.
“think you’re maybe overestimating her painting skills there, boys,” elliot snickered as he looked at the photo. “if you saw what she’s done so far you’d realise it’s definitely just a new hobby.”
“show us,” kyle suggested kindly, not bothering to look at elliot.
you hesitated before reaching for your bag and pulling out your phone. you handed it over with a shy smile.
“oi, these are good, bonnie,” johnny said immediately, stood looking over kyle’s shoulder. his brow was pulled into a frown as he concentrated.
“i’d buy ‘em,” kyle added, looking up at you to smile.
“ha! right, yeah,” you laughed, thinking he was teasing. you put down your beer and took your phone back, dropping it into your bag. you leant in to kiss elliot’s cheek and stood. “who’s going to join me in the water? elliot?”
“i don’t think so, darling. maybe another time,” he said.
“i will.” kyle stood. “did johnny show you how to dive off the front?”
your eyes widened in excitement as you shook your head and followed him, waving at the captain sat at the helm of the small boat as you passed.
johnny watched the pair of you go before turning to glare at elliot silently, not breaking eye contact even as your husband frowned and shifted uneasily, eventually looking down at his phone to avoid johnny’s unwavering, cold gaze.
---
“i don’t like them,” elliot said once you were back in your hotel that evening.
“who? johnny and kyle?”
“who else?” elliot scoffed. “they’re too familiar with you, they— they fawn over you. flirt relentlessly, in front of me—“
“oh come on,” you laughed, unable to stop yourself even as elliot grew angrier at your casual dismissal. “they’re married, don’t be bloody daft.”
“don’t call me stupid.” elliot warned.
“i’m not, i just—“
“whether they’re actually interested in you or not isn’t the point,” elliot seethed. “they’re doing it to wind me up. to get away with humiliating me and you encourage them.”
“i— what? we were just having fun,” you said.
“oh i know, i saw how you clung to them in the water when you thought i wasn’t looking. fucking slut.”
you gaped at elliot, taken aback by his harsh words and sharp tone. you took in a deep breath and tried to level your own voice.
“they’re just friendly.” you bit your cheek. “if anything, you’re just jealous i’m getting more attention than you for once.”
“what was that?” elliot whipped around to face you and you felt your blood run cold even before he took a step towards you. he gripped you roughly by the back of your neck and tugged you forward so his lips rested at your temple and you followed limply, keeping your hands by your sides. “you better not play up tomorrow, darling. whatever they offer, we’re busy. this our honeymoon, not a fucking jolly for you to try and meet other men.”
you seethed in his hold, furious at his accusations and the irony of his ill-placed jealousy. but all the same you nodded gently. “ok, elliot.”
“good.” he kissed your round cheek with a loud, sarcastic smack before turning towards the bathroom. he shed his clothes as he walked, leaving them in a trail you knew he expected you to pick up and closed the door behind him, leaving you stood motionless in the centre of the hotel room.
---
you dodged johnny’s bright grin and kyle’s sweet invites to hang out over the last week of your holiday with a pained grimace.
after the first few mornings of suddenly stilted conversation over breakfast, they stopped joining you and elliot and you were happy they were able to continue enjoying their honeymoon even if you weren’t.
elliot didn’t say in so many words, but he didn’t trust you not to gallivant off if left alone like before, so you were stuck waiting in the admittedly lavish hotel room on the days elliot got pulled back into work over the phone and on his laptop. too important to leave until later, he’d said. but he’d promised each time to take you out for a dinner that had continued to be forgotten about.
with only a few days left you were stuck waiting by the road, the little moped you’d rented for the day parked and so far unused while elliot nipped back up to the hotel to grab his sunglasses. it’d been twenty minutes already and part of you wondered if he’d gotten lost. you wished he’d left the keys with you instead of pocketing them so you could keep yourself entertained with a quick ride around the block, get used to the feel of the bike before joining onto the main road.
a squeaky horn, two beeps in quick succession, had you flinching from your moody thoughts and looking up as kyle and johnny pulled to a stop in front of you.
“long time no see, love,” kyle said. he nodded down at the bike with a grin. “where you off to?”
“and can we join?” johnny asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.
you snorted. “nowhere. not until elliot comes back at least.” you shrugged. “he’s got the keys,” you explained.
“how about we take you for a quick ride then,” johnny offered and kyle immediately started getting off from behind him.
“no, no i couldn’t. thank you. elliot will be back any second, im sure,” you said quickly, worried elliot would grow mad if he saw you sat behind johnny on the bike.
“ok, love,” kyle placated. “how about we swap numbers then, in case we don’t get to see you before your trip is up? i want to see more of your paintings.”
“we’re off home in about two days or so, figured yours would be about the same,” johnny said.
“what about email?” you suggested instead. your couples therapist had suggested regularly reading each others texts to try and gain back trust between the pair of you. the irony that it was now you trying to hide a conversation in your phone wasn’t lost on you, but you knew elliot wouldn’t want you talking to them after this trip. “i can get pretty chatty in a text, so email might be better,” you lied flimsily.
“sure,” johnny nodded along, clearly not believing you. “whatever you’d like.”
“you can have john’s email,” kyle said with a smirk, the expression growing when the scot sighed and swatted at kyle’s thigh behind him.
you watched them with confused amusement until johnny read out his email.
“wow. that’s very myspace of you,” you laughed even as johnny rolled his eyes.
“soap’s an old nickname, you’ll probably hear me call him gaz sometimes too. old habits,” johnny explained.
“from the military?” you confirmed and they nodded.
“i say it when i want him to listen. gets him standing to attention when i call him soap,” kyle said teased.
“anything you do gets me standing to attention, handsome,” johnny said, sultry and playful.
“oh piss off,” kyle laughed as he pushed johnny’s face away, pretending to groan in disgust when johnny caught his wrist and messily kissed his palm. you felt your stomach clench at the brief sight of his tongue poking between kyle’s fingers, lapping at the webbing before he let him go.
his tongue there and gone again in a second. you’d almost think you’d imagined it if you didn’t see the spit glisten in the sun before kyle wiped it on his shorts.
you blinked to clear your head and turned away even as the thought of johnny’s mouth around kyle’s fingers replayed over and over in your head.
turning away meant you caught sight of elliot making his way back. it had your thoughts sobering and you looked back to the couple with an apologetic smile. “i’ll see you guys later hopefully, but if not i hope you enjoy the rest of your honeymoon guys.”
“ye trying to get rid o’ us?” johnny pouted, mischief clear in his eyes.
“no, but I know elliot will want to set off straight away so—“
“we know when we’re not wanted, love,” kyle sighed, winking at you to soften the words and let you know they weren’t offended, just pulling your pigtails. “take a hint, johnny, let’s go check out the beach.”
“aye aye, sir,” johnny saluted lazily before revving the moped back to life and waving at you over his shoulder.
“ready to go?” you jumped slightly at elliot’s voice behind you, you hadn’t realised he was so close already and when you turned around you could see he was tense.
“ready when you are,” you said and moved out of the way of the bike.
elliot didn’t mention johnny or kyle and you were thankful; the day had barely begun, you didn’t need an argument to ruin it already.
you swung your leg over the bike behind him and cuddled close, smiling when elliot rubbed a warm palm over your bare knee next to his thigh. today could be good if you just let it, you reminded yourself as elliot set off clumsily.
you lifted your head from his back once he’d managed to get the hang of controlling the moped a little better, becoming confident on the roads after a few minutes, but you wished you hadn’t.
his collar was rustling in the wind and had slipped loose around his shoulder, revealing a smudged lipstick mark previously hidden by his button up overshirt. you felt your breath hitch, unable to look away even as your eyes started to burn.
your gut clenched and rolled unpleasantly, like you could throw up any moment but your jaw was firmly clenched closed. your hands shook where they were holding elliot at the waist and you finally clenched your eyes closed.
with trembling lips, you held back a sob.
today could be good if you let it, you repeated. so let it.
---
you didn’t see kyle or johnny before you left and you didn’t mention what you saw to elliot either.
instead you went back to london, to the dreary rain and the empty flat and the weekly couples’ appointments.
you lied when your therapist asked how your honeymoon went. you grinned and turned to elliot with wide sparkling eyes and reach for his hand to hold between yours as you simpered, “simply perfect.”
but it wasn’t and elliot new it.
the breaking point was when johnny sent your throw-away email account a message one afternoon with a photo attached at the bottom. you grinned when it loaded on your laptop and you zoomed in to see your smiling face, then kyle’s, then johnnys.
it had been taken on the boat on your way back to the dock after a long day swimming and drinking and laughing. elliot had kept to himself for most of the trip unless spoken to, but after an hour you’d managed to ignore him well enough. it wasn’t until kyle pulled him up on your way back, slapped his phone into elliot’s hand and asked him to take a photo of the three of you with the water and island in the background that you remembered he was there.
“elliot, be a good lad and take the photo for us won’t ya?”
“why not ask the captain—“
“he’s done enough dealing with us fer the day, aye? oh— wait, did ye want tae be in it with us?”
“no. thank you.”
they’d thrown their arms around you, pushing and pulling you to their liking until you were stood by the edge of the boat, and smiled. your shoulders were sensitive where johnny’s arm laid over the top - sunburnt you thought at the time - and your hair was still wet from your last dip, but your smile was wide and glowing even as elliot had gritted his teeth.
despite his grumbles he’d done as asked and you’d been dying to see the photo ever since when johnny cooed, “aw, lovely photo to remember ya by.”
now you felt your cheeks heat as you saw how your swim shorts had rucked up high on your thighs, damp and clinging, showing off more skin than you’d realised. your swimsuit at least covered your stomach and cleavage well enough, though johnny’s hand on your shoulder held one of the thick strings of your suit where it had tied at the back of your neck. he was in the middle of playing with it, tugging it so it was taut but not enough to loosen the bow. you don’t remember feeling him pull at the string holding your suit up over your breasts, though you were distracted by the tight hold gaz had on your waist, the handful he’d grabbed as he knocked your hips together.
god no wonder elliot had gotten mad that evening. if you hadn’t known the two were married, you’d have assumed they were trying to get between your legs by this photo alone.
you read the message johnny had sent along with it.
missin you and yer sweet laugh, bonnie!
forgot to send the photo earlier, i think the three of us look well fit, we’ll have to go swimming gain sometime. gaz suggested leucate plage if yer still in love wih france, but im sure there’s a few different au naturel beaches we could try ;)
you sputtered a laugh at that, scoffing at the idea of going to a nude beach especially with those two. bloody hell, elliot would have a fit, you thought gleefully.
but for now we thought you could come visit us like we’d said before? the countryside could be good for you and the ol’ ball n chain. we’d be happy t have ye both for the week, we’ve got the room. just let us know, yeah?
yer handsome pal,
johnny
you shook your head at his theatrics. emailing johnny felt like having a slightly unhinged penpal and reading his emails never failed to brighten up your day, you could hear him in the way he typed. you also loved when you assumed gaz would steal the phone to use his account to talk to you, the lack of scots and shorthand was always a dead giveaway between the two.
you bit your lip and found some of the photos he’d sent previously of their home and garden. it was gorgeous simply put and although the anxiety of admitting to elliot that you’d kept in contact with them had your palms sweating, the deep urge to go visit them ultimately won out.
you bit the bullet over dinner that same night. steak, specially made to soften elliot’s mood.
not that it helped much.
“what?” he dropped his cutlery and pushed back from his seat, needing distance from you as he processed you’d been lying to him. “why would you do that?”
you didn’t have an answer. or not one that elliot would like, so you felt yourself begin to shrug before you thought back to your last session.
“our therapist said it could be good for the relationship if i made some friends separate to yours,” you said.
“she also said you needed to focus trying more with my friends,” elliot reminded.
“but your friends aren’t offering to stay with us for a week in the highlands, elliot. if they were then i’d be all for it!”
“so if i tell my friends that we’ll spend christmas at the ski lodge with them this year, you won’t whine about wanting to be at home together, this time,” he challenged.
you swallowed. he knew you hated skiing and his bitchy judgmental rich friends. it wasn’t even as though it was his easy going friends that liked to go, it was the worst of the bunch that purposely left you out or talked down to you, made it impossible to try without embarrassing yourself.
but fine. you could deal with that this year if it meant your friendship with kyle and johnny was allowed to grow.
“sure,” you said with an obviously fake casual shrug. “so we can go?”
elliot huffed. you sprung out your next argument.
“our therapist also said it was important to let me take the lead a few times. in order to let me regai—“
“regain some power in the relationship, yeah, i know. i was there.” elliot nodded. he seemed to think it over. “this will help you trust me again?”
you reached across the table and held his hand, smiling at him hopefully when he looked back at you. you tried not to think of the lipstick stain in france, tried not to let the hurt cloud you eyes. “yes.” you stood and walked to stand by his chair, chest warming when he wrapped an arm around your waist. “the honeymoon felt forced,” you admitted, making sure to keep eye contact even as he stiffened. “we both felt it, you can admit it, i’m not mad. but this would be new and an adventure. like old times, elliot.”
he nodded a little less resignedly. “sure, old times. ok.”
you smiled, dipped down to kiss him deeply, rubbing his clean shaven cheek with your thumb.
“thank you. this will be fun, i promise. we’ll get to relax and just spend some time together, yeah? no pressure of what we should be doing as a couple or at work or— or—“
elliot softened as he looked at you stutter to find another reason. “yes, darling. it’ll be good.”
you stepped out of his grasp.
“i’ll let them know we can go, what date do you think would be best?”
---
“fucking hell, you had one job. look out for the stupid carved owl in the tree and that’s when we know to turn left,” elliot seethed as he drove, the sun growing dimmer by the minute. you’d spent the entire day driving up north using the directions, had set off that saturday morning in hopes that the traffic wouldn’t be as busy as midweek. “so where are we now? you insisted on following their directions instead of using the satnav, so where the hell does it mention this endless fucking shitty, unpaved road? eh?”
you hunched down in your seat next to him and reread the instructions from soap, hoping to find a clue as to where you were on the, admittedly adorable yet detailed, map he’d drawn. you’d found it endearing when you’d first saw it but now you were thinking it was more of a necessity.
elliot snatched your phone from your hand and split his focus between the dark road and your phone, scrolling erratically to find the directions in the email he wanted. your hand hovered between you, eager to take your phone back but hesitant to foul his mood further.
your eyes caught on movement on the road and you quickly gripped the wheel to swerve and avoid hitting a deer that had wandered out from the trees. “fuck, elliot, watch out!”
he slammed on the breaks and dropped your phone into your footwell as he automatically gripped the wheel to take over from you.
you both sat still, panting; anxiety and adrenaline pumping through your body as you tried to tell it and brain that you were fine, it could calm down, you were ok. you rubbed at your shoulder where your seatbelt had dug in.
elliot started up the car again, silent, and went slower down the road until the headlights caught on a misshapen tree. you squinted before pointing it out. “here, look. i think that’s the owl, go left.”
it only took a few minutes before you could see the lights from kyle and johnny’s farmhouse. the shape of their barn and surrounding smaller outbuildings stark against the natural curves of the hills and trees they were settled amongst.
“we’re here,” you said excitedly. “they said to pull around the side of the barn to the garage they have at the side. their house should be riiight there.” you grinned as you parked directly in front of it on the gravel next to their truck.
“great,” elliot said sarcastically. you didn’t mention his tone knowing that having to drive all day, several hours longer than you’d both expected, would have rankled anyone’s mood.
you climbed out without a word and got your bags out of the back of the car. when you rounded back to the front you found johnny and kyle walking to meet you already, their front door left open behind them.
“bonnie! ye made it,” johnny said as he jogged over to you excitedly. you let go of your suitcase as he pulled you into a hug as soon as you were close enough, scuffing his stubble against your neck in his excitement.
“down, boy,” kyle laughed, nudging johnny out of the way to give you his own hug. once he pulled back he nodded to elliot and smirked. “thought you’d maybe gotten lost, we were ready to start a search party.”
elliot bristled but johnny spoke up before he could defend himself.
“aye, but tea is still warm and ready to be served, an’ ahm fucking starving so let’s get inside yeah?” johnny slapped elliot’s shoulder before leading you all to the house. “done a big roasty fer the pair a’ye, so i hope yer hungry.”
the heat encompassed you as soon as you stepped inside, led through to the kitchen-stroke-dining room. the food smelled divine and the warmth accumulated from the oven and the fireplace had your shoulders relaxing instantly.
the house was far from modern with its mismatched old wooden chairs around the handmade table and the well-loved couch you could spot through in the next room, nothing like your lifeless flat in london. but the farmhouse was still stylish in its own way, in the colour of the cabinets, the throw on couch, the wallpaper leading up the stairs. though more importantly, it was homely. lived in.
“i can imagine the drive wasnae easy for first timers, so sit yerselves down and i’ll plate the food, gaz’ll get the wine,” johnny said.
you pulled out the chair next to elliot, leaving the two opposite you empty.
johnny clapped his hands as if to say voilà when he put down your heaped plates a minute later.
“this looks amazing, johnny, you cooked this?” you asked, eyes round and barely stopping yourself from digging in to be polite.
“have a great sous chef,” he said and patted kyle’s arse when he passed by with the wine. kyle smirked.
“how did you find the drive up, seriously?” kyle asked as he poured your drinks. he took a seat with johnny and gestured for you to start eating; now with permission, you didn’t hesitate.
“it was fine. might’ve been easier if we were given an address instead, satnav might’ve made it quicker,” elliot said as he pushed around some of the steamed vegetables on his plate.
“the views made taking our time worth it though, the valleys we passed were gorgeous,” you gushed. “i didn’t realise there were so many small lakes too.”
elliot sniffed irritably, but you didn’t notice. in fact you’d barely noticed how he played with his food more than ate it as you were too busy chatting and eating. you were going crazy for the hearty roast dinner, you could see in the colour and in the bursting taste of the veg just how fresh it all was; nothing like the store bought stuff you usually got at home.
you hadn’t had anything home cooked in so long that you hadn’t made yourself, and when you told kyle and johnny so they both reared back as though slapped.
“oh love, you’re missing out, that’s not right. don’t worry we’ll take care of you while you’re here,” kyle promised.
elliot cleared his throat. “got any salt?”
johnny’s eyes flickered tersely from elliot to the roast beef he was poking on his plate and back up again. “sure. let me just grab it for ye.”
“cheers,” elliot smiled thinly.
“top up?” kyle asked and gestured to your wine glass. you nodded before turning to elliot, but he wasn’t looking your way so you held your glass out.
“thanks. god, after this and the long drive i think i’ll be ready for bed; sorry excuse for company on the first night,” you apologised.
“we’re just happy to have you here,” kyle assured you as johnny sat back down. your husband doused his food in salt before making a better dent in it, downing his wine quickly afterwards with a wince.
“yeah, i think it’ll be an early one for us tonight, won’t it, darling?” elliot said and started to stand, rudely pushing his unfinished plate away. “in fact, i think i’m pretty tired now.”
you looked down at the last few bites of your meal and the full glass of wine forlornly but stood alongside elliot.
“it really was a fantastic meal, thank you so much, johnny,” you said.
“anytime for you, hen,” he said. “here, let us show you to your room.”
“i’ll grab the dishes while you take them up, johnny. you cooked so i’ll clean,” kyle said, hooking a finger in johnny’s jeans to catch his attention when he stood up. you felt a sharp pang at their easy domesticity. sure they’d said they’d known each other, been together, for a decade, but it still ached that you and elliot where struggling so obviously in comparison despite your sixth anniversary nearing on the horizon.
you gave kyle a fragile smile as you followed johnny upstairs with your bags to your room for the week.
“i’ll leave you to it, see ye in the morning,” johnny said as you settled into your room.
“this is amazing,” you said with a small laugh, disbelief and joy mixing into something like hope as you started to get undressed. the view out of your bedroom looked over the front garden and you felt giddy at the idea of staying with your new friends for the next few days and exploring the area further.
“it’s… quaint,” elliot said.
you turned to him, your mouth pulled tight. “please don’t start.”
“what? it’s just… smaller than what we’re used to,” he said with a shrug, starting to laugh as he gestured at the room. “i mean look at this place, and the bed.”
“keep your voice down at least, elliot,” you hissed, eyes sharp on the closed door of your bedroom.
“darling, you know i get overheated easily, and by the looks of it we’re going to be pressed side by side all night. and i doubt they have a/c,” elliot huffed. he sat down on the bed and rolled his eyes when it squeaked. “oh, come on.”
“we could open the window,” you said stubbornly, ignoring elliot as he shifted to make the bed squeak again.
“and let in the smell of sheep shit? not your brightest idea,” he scoffed. “christ and never mind the bloody noise on top of that. good thing i brought my ear plugs or i’d never get any sleep.”
you bit your tongue when you thought of the constant traffic noises that flooded into your apartment at all times of the day and night, the light pollution that did its best to creep past your blackout curtains.
“i’m sure you’ll get used to it after the first couple of nights,” you said instead and moved to join him in bed. you reached for his hand and squeezed it, leaning in for a kiss, teasing your tongue at his lips for a split second before pulling back. “just… please be nice?”
he sighed.
“fine,” he conceded. “i was just expecting something a little nicer considering the price of the trip we met them on.”
you scowled at him and let go of his hand. “you’re being rude.”
you leant over to turn off your lamp and laid down facing away from him. neither of you noticed the shadows shift under your door, the light footsteps heading away from your room.
---
you woke up the next morning to find elliot already in the shower, you could hear the pipes from the bathroom next door and noticed his suitcase had been half unpacked.
you were grateful he’d let you sleep, you’d gone to bed frustrated and you didn’t want to carry it on this morning. it was a new day and you were eager to have fun.
you walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains. as you gazed out your eyes naturally drifted to johnny, stood near the barn you’d passed on your way in. he was small given the distance but you couldn’t help but stare as he rhythmically chopped logs into smaller, more manageable pieces.
he was sweating, the repetitive action of driving the axe up and then through the thick wood obviously tiring, and you felt water pool in your mouth as you looked on gormlessly.
the sleeves of his thick checked shirt were rolled up his forearms and part of you wished he’d decided to chop the wood in the driveway so you’d have a clearer view of his muscles at work. he wiped his face on his bicep and suddenly turned to the house, to your window.
you ducked away before he could catch you and started to get dressed out of the line of sight the windows may provide. with your face aflame and anxious butterflies rampant in your stomach, you needed to get your head on straight and decidedly not ogle your new friends.
with one last stern word to yourself you headed downstairs back to the kitchen and found gaz pottering around.
“ah morning, love. coffee?” he offered, holding out a cup. you took it gratefully with a small thank you and sat at the table again. there was a plate of toast in the middle, enough slices freshly made made for the four of you, and you reached forward for one. “i was thinking me and soap could show you a hiking trail nearby, make a day of it.”
“the one you showed me on your phone?” you asked, nodding enthusiastically regardless of his answer.
“this one’s even better,” gaz said, smiling fondly. “just might take longer.”
“coffee? thank you, darling,” elliot mumbled as he swiped your coffee from your hands without asking and distracting you from answering gaz. you’d barely had a sip before elliot was finishing the drink off in one go. “mm, bit too milky for my liking,” he told you and sucked his teeth.
“probably because it wasn’t for you,” kyle said flatly. “we’re going on a hike today, care to join or has work called you in already?”
“i’d love a hike,” elliot said brightly. johnny walked in through the front door as elliot continued to talk about the hikes he’d been on before, heading to the sink to wash his hands and leaning up to kiss kyle as he passed. “work can wait for the great outdoors. my wife here knows how much i love going on— on uh, on hikes and finding new trails and mapping them out.” elliot stumbled over his words for a second, taken back by the kiss.
johnny’s shoulders shook with a silent laugh and he turned and winked at you as he opened up a cupboard door that hid his face from your husband.
“oh, so you two go together?” kyle asked.
“no, no,” elliot laughed like the thought was ridiculous. “i go with my mates. not really her thing.”
you pursed your lips; you hated it when elliot answered for you, especially when he was wrong. which was often. instead of fussing though, you focused your ire on another slice of toast from the centre of the table.
“right.” kyle stood from his chair and went to lean next to johnny on one of the kitchen counters. “we’ll pack a bag full of snacks and drinks and then we can be off. give us fifteen minutes?”
you nodded, thankful for the excuse to leave elliot at the table, and went to grab your walking boots before coming back to wait with elliot near the door.
“quicker to get there from the back,” johnny said and led you through the rest of the downstairs out into the back garden.
it looked like it could spread for acres if not for the looming trees of the forest fencing it in.
to the left was their chicken coop and a small locked shed. if you turned around you’d see your cars parked, the garage and then the barn further up.
the chicken coop was on solid muddy ground, closer to the gravel front, whereas the shed was further up on the flat grassy area that began to rise into a small hill further back and closer to the trees; there was a small iron table sat with four chairs closer to the house and you couldn’t wait to use it, imagining sitting out there for lunch or breakfast.
to your right you took in their allotment, the large raised beds full of blooming vegetables; tall beans climbing the trellis arches from one side to another. you saw noticed the glint of a greenhouse hidden behind it all. everything was encouraged to grow to its fullest and you bet the food they’d served the night before had been grown by their very own hands.
“we’ve got strawberries if ye’d like tae pick some over the next few days,” johnny said as he walked you down to the end of the garden, catching the way your eyes were glued to the allotment.
“i’d love that, i haven’t been strawberry picking since i was little,” you said.
johnny nodded. “settled then.”
---
the hike wasn’t difficult, but living down south in a very flat city hadn’t built up your cardio for the steep hills and climbs at all.
“this is a good place to stop for lunch,” johnny said, apropos to nothing.
he squeezed your arm as he wandered off the path towards the edge of the hill. you were halfway there to the top, but already you were loving the views.
“knee bothering you, johnny?” kyle asked as he pulled out a rainproof sheet from his bag and started placing the food out in the tupperware boxes.
“something like that,” he said.
you laughed when you saw johnny pull out a bottle of wine from his.
“just tryin’ tae make use of all the wine we bought on holiday, hen,” he snickered.
you sat down and helped them spread the food out while your husband paced from the ledge to the path and then to the blanket, only to start again.
“have a seat elliot,” you said encouragingly, patting the space you’d left purposely empty next to you.
he slumped down with a huff and kyle side-eyed him.
“how was your night? sleep well?”
“hope the room wasnae too small,” johnny added, biting into a cheese cracker as he looked to your husband.
you felt your stomach drop and your face heat up. “no, not at all—“
“i think i’m just used to the finer things,” elliot said, picking up one of the packed travel cups pointedly and pouring himself some wine.
“we slept fine,” you said firmly as you frowned at elliot. “it’s perfect.”
“ah, we’re just joking around, hen, no need to fash,” johnny teased. “you pack yer paints?”
“shit.” your face dropped as you looked at him. “i completely forgot when i was packing, i was too excited.”
johnny grinned. “you can borrow mine, it’s alright.”
“if they’re not dried up that is,” kyle said with a laugh. “i’ve not seen you touch paints in years, johnny.”
“they’re water paints, gaz, they’re meant tae be dry,” johnny said with a roll of his eyes. he looked to you and covered the side of his mouth. “yer a breath o’fresh air, ye have no idea. i love him but he doesnae have the eye fer it, you know?”
“im right bloody here,” kyle said exasperatedly, making you laugh.
“fucking hell,” your husband muttered under his breath before standing. “i think i’m gonna go ahead and have a look at the trail, get a lay of the land. i’ll turn around in ten and meet you back here.”
“are you sure?” you asked at the same time johnny warned him, “don’t go off the path.”
“why not?” elliot asked, taking it as a challenge despite johnny’s grave tone.
“go straight so you don’t get lost,” johnny repeated seriously. “it’s a tricky place, these woods. one wrong turn and you’ll ne’er be found.”
elliot stayed silent for a moment, left off kilter by johnny’s intense eyes, before laughing, waving him of with a scoff. “sure thing, johnny.”
you watch your husband walk off with an uneasy feeling before kyle and johnny’s easy going nature distracted you once more.
before you knew it it’d been twenty minutes, but you were too busy talking about how they’d ended up moving out so far away from their original shared home, that you hadn’t noticed elliot wasn’t back yet.
“it’s great here, but it can feel… lonely sometimes, just the two of us,” johnny admitted as he looked to kyle. the handsome man nodded and knocked their knees together.
“i know how that feels,” you said, three cups of wine having loosened your lips.
“yeah?” kyle asked softly, tilting his head to meet your downcast eyes.
you opened and closed your mouth a few times before taking a deep breath.
“i want a baby,” you said weakly, sadly. you were quiet as though hoping not to be overheard. “elliot doesn’t think it’s the right time, but im starting to doubt it’d ever be the right time if it were up to him.”
you blink at the anger that had seeped into your last words and gasped as you realised that you’d actually finally said them out loud. not even your therapist had gotten you to admit this.
“oh god, please forget i said that,” you begged them suddenly, wide eyed and pleading. “please. don’t say anything to elliot about it. i— i think i’ve just drank a little too much,” you tried to excuse yourself.
“hey, it’s ok,” johnny said with a concerned frown.
“i didn’t mean it,” you rushed out.
kyle moved to elliot’s previous spot and pulled you in for a warm hug, calming you down.
“it’s normal to want things and to be disappointed when the person that promised you them can’t deliver,” he whispered. you sniffled and slowly wrapped your arms back around him with a nod, tears building behind yojr closed eyelids. you slumped into his hold further when johnny’s large hand rubbed soothingly across your back below kyle’s arms.
it was nice. simply being between them and being comforted by them was nice.
you leaned back and wiped at your eyes with a sniffly laugh.
“thank you, guys, i— thank you.”
gaz squeezed your shoulder for a moment before finally letting you go.
you felt fidgety, needing to do something with your hands and to keep them from staring at your red rimmed eyed, so you reached for a handful of grapes when it suddenly occurred to you that elliot wasn’t back. you looked at your watch and swore.
“elliot’s not here yet, shit what if he’s lost?”
“he won’t be,” johnny reassured you, standing alongside you and grabbing your shoulders. “he’s an experienced hiker, right? he probably lost track a’time like we did.”
“let’s get this packed away and we’ll go catch up to him,” kyle suggested. you nodded, easily calmed once given easy orders to occupy your busy mind
---
“elliot?” you called out as you walked, johnny and kyle on either side of you, looking out into the trees in case he’d gone off track. “you there? elliot?”
“stop shouting, christ, i’m here,” elliot complained further up the trail. he was slouched against a tree. “took you all long enough.”
“oh my god, what happened,” you said as you crouched next to him, looking at the sorry swollen state of his ankle.
“twisted it looks like, worst-case it could be a sprain,” kyle said from over your shoulder. “should be fine, we can get home with him leaning on our shoulders, right, soap?”
johnny tutted in disappointment as he stared down the path instead of at your injured husband.
“the waterfall was only five minutes away as well,” johnny said to no one in particular. he crouched next to elliot. “c’mon then, let’s get you back.”
your husband bristled. he looked longingly down the trail johnny had gestured to just a moment before.
“we should still go, i’ll be fine,” he insisted. “we should go to the waterfall.”
gaz raised his eyebrows incredulously as he helped elliot stand, but he stayed silent.
“you want to lean on me or johnny?” he asked.
“whoever gets us there quicker,” elliot said, face pinched.
kyle rolled his eyes and set off walking, leaving elliot to wince until he matched kyle’s stride. luckily the walk wasn’t long before the four of you cut off the trail and found yourselves stood at the bottom of the waterfall, a light mist of water splashing at your bare skin from where you stood.
“holy shit.”
johnny nudged your shoulders together with a laugh.
“impressive, right?”
“to say the least,” you huffed.
kyle had helped elliot sit down by the edge of the plunge pool with his leg stretched out as you’d taken in the view with johnny, though you soon took a seat next to elliot when you noticed he was situated as comfortable as could be. you pulled off your shoes and socks and shuffled forwards a little to dip your feet in the water, kicking lightly and grinning even with how the cold bit at your toes.
elliot stayed stern faced even as he looked at the impressive feature, but kyle and johnny took no notice.
they started to undress, throwing their clothes down haphazardly by their bags.
“you coming in?” kyle asked you cheekily.
“we go in every time we’re here, tradition now,” johnny explained once he was stood in his underwear.
“i don’t have my swimsuit,” you said hesitantly.
“jus’ go in yer kegs like us,” johnny dismissed the worry.
“it’s probably for the best she’s said no,” elliot said meanly, one eyebrow raised as he looked over your relaxed form, your stomach rolls obvious and plush under the afternoon sun and your thighs spread thick where they pressed against the edge of the natural pool. you suddenly felt the need to layer up in your baggiest clothes. “she’s happy enough sat with me. isn’t that right, darling?”
you felt embarrassment, hot and sharp, flood from your face to your toes as you stared at him. this was your husband. a man that took delight in belittling you.
“oi,” johnny warned from where he stood waist deep in the water.
you ignored them both and stood suddenly, shucking off your clothes with tight angry movements, a smile only eventually pulling at your lips when kyle wolf whistled playfully.
johnny joined in jeering and clapped as you stepped carefully closer to the edge before jumping in. once you resurfaced, you resolutely faced away from the scowl you knew would be on your husband’s face. you were past caring.
the cold of the water had you sucking in thinner breaths until you acclimatised, and you were grateful it was deep enough to brush your collarbones as you could tell your nipples were babbling from the chill.
“be careful, love, there are fish in here,” gaz said as he drifted closer to your front. his smile was bordering on mischievous but it eased your slight reservations of being in the water. “but don’t worry they don’t bite.”
you felt a sudden pinch on your buttcheek and you squealed before johnny’s laugh and warm chest at your back registered. you flushed hot and dug your elbow back into his ribs as they laughed, both barely giving you space to float alone.
they guided you closer to the waterfall with easy going smiles and it wasn’t until you felt their capable hands on your hips and tummy to keep you from being dragged under as you held your hands under the heavy pour that you looked back guiltily at your husband. you pushed off and away from them but continued to swim a little while longer until elliot kicked up a fuss, bored.
“are we done now? it’s getting dark, we should be heading back,” he spoke up when it looked like the three of you weren’t tiring any time soon. “and then there’s dinner to think of.”
“you offering to cook, elliot?” kyle said as he climbed out of the water.
elliot scoffed. “not likely. with the ankle and all,” he said patronisingly.
gaz smiled thinly. “of course.”
the three of you dried off as best you could before dressing and heading back to the farmhouse with elliot leant between johnny and kyle.
even as your clothes chafed against your damp skin, you couldn’t bring yourself to regret swimming. thought the cold was biting even through your coat, and a warm shower was calling for you back at the farmhouse.
---
once you were back you showered quickly and then ran a bath for elliot. you helped ease him in so he didn’t slip and further injure himself.
“put on a real fucking show today,” he grumbled once he was laid back. you cupped the water over his hair carefully.
“what do you mean?” you grabbed the shampoo and began lathering it.
“don’t play dumb,” he hissed. “acting like that, like a whore, with them. again.”
“i wasn’t—“
“you’re a fucking hypocrite,” he said harshly. “punishing me for one little mistake but now you get to act like this with other men?”
you let your hands hang over the edge of the tub in shock. “you cheated on me. more than once, elliot. that’s not a little mistake.”
“we’re past this,” he said tiredly with a shake of his head, rubbing his hand over his forehead to wipe away the dripping shampoo.
“then why did you bring it up?”
he turned to look at you, disgust clear on his face.
“you’re ugly when you get like this,” he said simply. “leave me to it, i’ll call you in when i need a hand getting out.”
your lip trembled as you stood and went back to your room. as you closed the door behind you, you heard elliot mutter to himself, “he’s an absolute idiot thinking this was only a twisted ankle, clearly not a doctor. the swelling has hardly gone down.”
you didn’t react, heading to the room next door with watery eyes. as you were tidying up your clothes, sniffling back angry and hurt tears, there was a knock on the doorframe. your turned to see johnny with a plate in his hand.
“thought i’d make things easier and bring his tea up fer him,” he said and put it on the bedside table. “do you want me to bring up yours too or will you be joining us?”
“oh, i’m not hungry, thank you johnny,” you said with a watery smile. the food looked delicious but elliot’s words had soured your appetite. “i think i’m just going to go to bed as soon as elliot’s alright.”
“ye sure?”
“mhm.” you nodded.
johnny nodded, said a soft, “let me know if ye change your mind.” he pulled out a pack of pain tablets from his pocket with a little wave and dropped them on the bed and then left.
you waited for elliot’s shout before you went to help him out of the bath and back through to your room. you left him to dry and dress himself and once he was sat on the bed with his food, you turned your back to him and willed yourself to fall asleep quickly.
part two
want to email johnny? click here!
#it’s here!! and posted correctly hopefully!!#face claim for elliot of oliver jackson cohen bc he’s hot but he plays an arshole really well#i’ve had a lot of fun writing this over the last month#took me forever but it turned out a hell of a lot longer than i’d anticipated too#hoping the email idea doesn’t flop and goes well!!#thank u kai for helping me with my ocs and thank you birdy for helping me pic the fic title!!#ily guys :’)#full disclosure idk if the area i chose is all that solitary Imao i've never been to scotland never mind falkland or the reservoir#i just looked at google maps lol#soapgaz x reader#soapgaz#soap x reader x gaz#johnny soap mactavish x reader#kyle gaz garrick x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#kyle garrick x reader#cw noncon#tw noncon#cw abusive relationship#tw abusive relationship#let me know if more tags are wanted or needed#fat reader#johnny soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#johnny soap mactavish x reader x kyle gaz garrick#johnny mactavish x reader x kyle garrick#soap x reader#gaz x reader
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speedrunning this drawing but im still a day late to hanzo's birthday 😩 but i got so inspired and the original image was just so good:
#lifechanging. powerful#related; ive run out of hanzo angst fics and i dont know what to do anymore#i had a lot of fun doing this drawing! i love the looser sketchy lineart of the og piece and its really similar to how i already draw so#and i love the severe shadows and lines because it only uses black as a “colour”#the eyes were also really inspiring and the main reason i gravitated towards the original image#theres a lot going on behind them#i feel like i could yap a lot more about this but its 2am and ive been staying up to finish this LOL#yeah i like this guy#rivera writes#my art#art#artwork#digital art#fan art#overwatch#overwatch 2#overwatch fanart#hanzo shimada#overwatch hanzo#redraw
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pairing: hoshina soushirou x gn!reader (no prns)
request: a reader that keeps messing around w him and at some point they mention they like him but then hoshina thinks theyre just playing... ..but they r not and he doesnt quite get it at first because hes so used to them joking around and then he ends up overthinking the whole thing until reader actually goes up to him to kiss him (or hug him very tight!!!!!!!! or both maybe!!!!!!)
maybe he liked them too but that thought didnt sit right with him because he doesnt believe hes worthy of something like that
notes: mentions the reader's face "flushing", reader is rather lively/outgoing, reader is not a fan of horror and is more a fan of romance, reader is a hoshina stan, one part is inspired by a scene in wakaba no komorebi, omg why are there so many notes I'm so sorry TY FOR THE REQ!!
wc: 2800
A new day, a new chance for you to shoot your shot at none other than your vice-captain of the third division.
You were always messing with him. This ranged from embarrassing pranks a grade school boy would menace his crush with, all the way to borderline hitting on him. There wasn’t a single day you’d forget to remind him he was stunning, and you’d always be bragging about him to the officers in the first division, regardless of the fact that you had absolutely nothing to do with the things you were bragging about. Simply put, you were loud about Hoshina.
Yet, every day, he'd brush you off and tell you to get to work. You didn't let that mind you much though, because you could tell he wasn't actually upset. You liked him unconditionally, and as long as you weren't actually bothering him, you couldn't care less if your feelings weren't returned. Well, you did care, but that wasn't going to stop how you felt for him.
Now, you said all of that, but naturally, you were still scared to just put your feelings out there so you hadn’t actually told Hoshina you liked him. You assumed he knew, but if you said it out loud, you’d have to hear an answer. And that, you were not ready for.
However, you weren’t going to stop messing with him anytime soon. Hoping one day he’d actually fall for you and one day you’d have the courage to properly tell him how you felt.
You were in the cafeteria with the rest of the division, having your breakfast while mindlessly scrolling through your phone, when you saw a post about a new movie in theatres. Immediately your mind went to possibly inviting Hoshina and you scrolled right back up, trying to find out what it was about. Horror. You sighed and continued to scroll. Horror was absolutely not your favourite.
“Oh, is it finally out?” you heard a voice from behind you say— your favourite voice say.
“Would you like to go?” you asked, whipping your head back to see none other than Hoshina Soushirou. Just the sight of him and your heart would flutter. How you loved him. “Together? Us? Just us? You and me?”
“Oh, like we have time to go,” he said.
“Man,” you said, knowing he’d say that. The entire defence force in general had been a lot busier ever since the appearance of so many identified grade kaijus. However, it did make you wonder if that meant he would if he did have time. No, he’s just declining your invitation politely, you’d tell yourself, bringing you back to your senses.
You’ve done this since always, and you do this every time without fail. Whenever a new shop had opened, or a new movie to watch had come to theatres, you'd always shoot your shot— hoping he'd say yes one day. Yes to a date.
Although you were used to getting turned down, it still wasn’t the best feeling. Recently, you've been letting it get to you far more than you used to. Maybe after all these times, the rejection did start to have an affect on you. Maybe you were falling for him even harder recently, or maybe you were starting to hope for your feelings to be returned.
Perhaps a relaxing day at the movies was exactly what you needed. Maybe you’d ask for a day off next week— just to go watch a movie you liked.
So you did exactly that, you filed a form to Captain Ashiro, requesting a day off anytime the next week. Preferably on a Tuesday, because movie tickets were cheaper on Tuesdays.
A few days later, you were called over to her office. You assumed it was just to let you know if you could have your day off and if so, when it was. To your surprise, when you walked in, it wasn't Ashiro but rather Hoshina there, working away.
“Hoshina?” you asked, pleasantly surprised. “I didn't expect to see you today.”
“You didn't?” he asked, genuinely perplexed. “But this is my office?”
“Your office? I thought it was Captain Ashiro’s?” you said.
“It used to be, but I took it over a little while back,” he said. “It's just a lot faster for me to do the paperwork.”
“Oh… I see,” you said, rather surprised you weren't already aware. There was a moment of silence.
“It was rather recently that I had officially started working here,” he said, somehow noticing that you were dejected. Oh, how did he always know exactly what to say? You were never going to get over him at this rate. “Anyways, you requested a day off next week?”
“Um… yes,” you said. Now you felt a little awkward about going to a movie alone, and you really hoped he wouldn't realize where you were going.
“On a Tuesday… are you going to see that movie after all?” he asked and he noticed you stiffened a little, so he immediately followed with, “Sorry, you don't have to answer that. You're absolutely free to take that day off.”
“I am,” you said. Half a lie, because there was no way you were watching a horror movie, let alone by yourself. But you were going to the movies. That was true. “It's been a while since I watched a movie in theatres, I realized.”
“I've never gone alone actually,” he said, imagining you were planning to go alone. “Or are you going with someone?”
“No, I'll be by myself,” you said, but instinctively you asked him out again. It was practically in your subconsciousness to do so. “Unless you'd like to tag along?”
There was a long pause before he said anything, and his unreadable expression only made the silence feel longer. You were expecting a quick rejection again, so the silence was absolutely killing you— you hadn't expected it one bit.
“Actually, I'd like to,” he said. “If that's okay with you, of course.”
You couldn't believe your ears. What did he say? You couldn't have possibly heard that right. What had he said?
On the other hand, he had no idea why he said yes. Why after turning you down all these times? Why now? He had turned down every offer of yours because he knew you were just messing around. You didn’t feel about him the way he felt about you. He knew this because you had done this since the moment you joined, and you couldn’t have liked him back then— you hadn't even know him yet.
But still, he hoped you were serious.
“You're joking,” you said.
“Were you?” he asked. This must be why he said yes. He wanted to know so badly— he was rather exhausted of playing the guessing game with you.
“Not at all,” you said. You thought he had known, but perhaps not. “I've never been. Not for a moment.”
“Then, let's go,” he said with his poker face on, but he was a little shaken. He didn't think you were at all serious, let alone that serious.
“Hoshina, is this a date?” you asked, and you could tell your cheeks were flushed. However, there wasn't much to be embarrassed about at this point, so you might as well have asked before you drove yourself insane.
“Okay…” you said, but you were spaced out. You had no idea what had prompted this all of a sudden, but this was the moment you had been waiting for, for your whole life. Yes to a date.
A date? Was it a date?
“Would you like it to be?” he asked. You had no idea what he was thinking.
“Yes,” you said. “Of course…”
“Then, let's go on a date,” he said. “On Tuesday, at 2pm. I'll pick you up from your unit and we'll go and watch a movie.”
It was yes to a date. A date with none other than the love of your life. You were going on a date with Hoshina Soushirou.
You left the office soon after, thanking him as you left, and you were lost in thought. You truly felt like the world around you had stopped, but at the same time, the time passing was a blur. You thought it’d be forever before your long awaited day, and you’d have plenty of time to calm yourself down and prepare, but it had rolled around before you knew it.
You put on what you personally thought was your best date outfit, but you had no idea if he’d like it. You really hoped he would. Now, you were sitting around, waiting for him to come pick you up. It was still 10 till 2, but he was always ahead of schedule— he hated making people wait, so he was always early. A few minutes later, you heard a few footsteps and some rustling outside your door, and you were pretty sure it was him. You waited for a knock, but it wouldn’t come.
Quickly, you opened the door and it was him, waiting by your door with his phone in his hand, opened to your messages with him.
“Oh,” he said. “Sorry, were you waiting?”
“No,” you said, immediately. “I just finished getting ready. Why didn’t you knock?”
“Well, I’m early,” he said. “Didn’t want to rush you.”
Gosh, you were on a date. With him. You had actually never seen him in anything other than what he wears at the defense force, and as much as you liked that training shirt he had on, he looked so incredibly gorgeous today. And this was just for you. He wore a black corduroy turtleneck, and a simple long coat to go over it. You were still so lost, how had you gotten to this point in the first place?
“You’re stunning today,” he said to you as he smiled a little and you swear you felt your heartrate spike. Did he even know what he was doing?
“Not to mean you aren’t usually…” he said immediately. “Sorry, I never say the right things when they count, do I?”
“No, I thought my heart was going to stop,” you said, frankly. This was the way you always were, there was no point in getting flustered all of a sudden. “You’re gorgeous everyday, but even more so today.”
“Well, I’d have to be glad our date is today then,” he said.
While the two of you walked to the theatre, it was rather quiet. Far more quiet than you usually were. Suddenly, you were so nervous, and there was nothing to say to him. So many questions filled your head but none of them felt appropriate to ask. You felt like the spell would break if you took one wrong breath. You wanted to know why he was here with you today. Why he said yes all of a sudden, why he took a precious day off to go on a date with you, and what he was thinking when he said yes. You wanted to know how he felt about you, or at least how he felt about this date.
“I’ll go get us tickets,” you said, as soon as you got to the theatre. “Please pick a snack and a drink in the meantime, I’ll get the tickets quick.”
“Oh, don’t be silly, I’m getting the tickets, and the drinks and snacks, for that matter,” he said. “Besides, we haven’t even decided on a movie yet.”
“We haven’t?” you asked. “I thought we were watching the movie that came out the other day?”
“What? Why would we?” he asked, genuinely confused. “You don’t even like horror." He pointed at another poster on the wall. "Why don’t we watch that one? Romance is more your type of thing, isn’t it?”
You thought you’d cry. If there was one thing that was worrying you about this date, it was the movie. Horror really wasn’t for you, and you weren’t sure if you could watch the movie without showing it.
“How did you know?” you asked.
“It’s obvious,” he said. “You’ve never asked me out to a horror movie, have you?”
Just how did he notice? “But didn’t you want to watch that one?” you asked.
“Please, I can watch that whenever, on my own,” he said. “I’m here with you today. I’d be a horrible date to make you watch it with me.”
“Thank you,” you said, starstruck. “At least, let me pay for it then?”
“No way,” he said. “I’m taking you out today.”
“No, I asked you out,” you said.
“Don’t care!” he said and went off to get the tickets and snacks.
You were in love with him, and you were going to tell him. You were sure he knew, but you had to tell him properly. It wasn’t even that you were hoping for him to return your feelings, you just wanted to tell him.
You thought you wouldn’t be able to focus on the movie at all, but you were, strangely enough. You were watching a cliche romance movie that couldn’t possibly be about you and Hoshina, no matter how much you tried to stretch the narrative, but you loved it. It was a sweet movie, a type that you've always loved, and you were watching it with the one you always loved. You couldn’t be happier.
So as soon as the movie was over, you went for it.
“Hoshina, I love you so much,” you said, and kissed him. On the lips.
His eyes were wide and his cheeks were faintly flushed. You weren’t expecting that, not even for a moment.
“You’re serious?” he asked.
You were confused, did he think you were playing around all this time? “Yes, of course,” you said. “I’ve loved you for forever.”
“Since… when?” he asked.
“Since the day you saved me, 3 years ago,” you said, immediately. It was like you had waited all your life to answer this. “You definitely don’t remember, but I remember like yesterday.”
He wouldn’t reply, but he was still looking at you surprised, so you continued on.
“I thought I had told you this actually. Not the part that I liked you, but the part that you saved me. I joined because of you, Hoshina,” you said. “Yes, you’re my vice-captain and the love of my life, and I’m one of your officers, but you were my hero and I was your biggest fan for all this time.”
Something in him shifted. It felt like someone had woken him up from a weird haze, and showed him how much colour there is to the world. You joined for him. Not for Mina, not for Gen, but him. To you, he was a hero. To the one he treasured most, he was irreplaceable.
“I love you too,” he said, with the softest smile you had ever seen from him. He was serious, you could tell.
“No way,” you said.
“I do,” he said, but he could tell that you were a little skeptical, or at least puzzled. “I love the way you work hard, the way you joke around, but actually care so much. I love the way you give everything your all. I love the way you always smile when you see me— it makes me feel so special. You make my day, absolutely every single day.”
It took everything in you to stop yourself from sobbing, but that made Hoshina laugh. He kissed you this time, and tears rolled down your cheeks anyway.
Wiping your cheeks with the pad of his thumb, he kissed you on the forehead.
“I absolutely adore you.”
BONUS:
Later that day, you were going to open up the one cardboard box you still hadn’t unpacked. The one filled with your posters and merch of Hoshina you had collected through these years. You were hiding them, because you thought it’d be a little too weird if you had those just hanging around, but finally, they’d see the sunlight. You would never have even imagined this day when you had those in your room, dreaming of him. If only you could tell your past self— just how thrilled you would’ve been. Well, not that you were any less thrilled now.
The next time Hoshina came to visit you in your room, he was utterly flustered, it was absolutely adorable. He couldn’t believe people actually bought the merch they sold of him, let alone put them up— and in the room of his loved one nonetheless. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it, because it made him so incredibly happy.
He was thrilled that you did, in fact, love him the way he loved you.
#hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#kaiju no8 x reader#kaiju no.8 x reader#kn8 x reader#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina x you#bros im sorry why is this SO LONG#THANK U SM FOR READING#i really hope you enjoyed but genuinely was this even all that interesting. i cannot even tell. (I FEAR IT WASNT TRULY)#is hoshina just the right amount of sweet or is he ooc sweet. that is the question. (I FEAR THE ANSWER I REALLY DO)#sorry guys in my head this sounded a lot better like a whole lot better#THANK U SM FOR THE REQUEST THIS WAS SO SO SWEET I HAD SM FUN WRITING THIS ACTUALLY#sweet hoshina will always be so fun to write i will never be free from this#request#omg also im so sorry if you find the 'hero' thing corny#i love the word hero unironically#i think its such a lovely word that's viewed as too corny to say now (SO SAD)#also so insanely unrelated but wakaba no komorebi is a shoujo manga w like multiple couples#and one of the mls in one of the shoujos is LITERALLY SHOUJO HOSHINA I KID YOU NOT#hes literally SOOOOOOOO my god hes just SOOOOOOO such a ml. so hoshina.
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me: *seeing people yell about how they did Glintshore & Percy's death in the show*
also me: ..................anyway
#maybe its because its been fuck knows how many years since i watched 90% of c1#but i actually find the way they're changing things up super fascinating#i have questions to be sure and i think they're all having so much fun watching people go THEY'RE NOT GONNA PERMAKILL PERCY ??#(they're obviously not going to leave percy dead)#but because so many things have been folded on top of each other to keep the pace in this several hundred hour campaign adaptation#idk! i just think it's neat! obviously we're not done with ripley yet so we'll see what happens there#also people being like “i didnt need a sad backstory for ripley” like that wasn't the most obvious vehicle to introduce the assembly#a lot of these scenes they're adding in or folding together are doing a LOT of work#the storytelling action economy is honestly astounding#like don't get me wrong i get why people are weirded out by it (i am too! It's strange!) BUT it's not being done carelessly#some of you lot just want everything done 1:1 when they simply do not have the time to be doing that#i think i might do a full write up of how impressive some of this is when the season ends bc it really is a mammoth task they've had#the legend of vox machina#tlovm#legend of vox machina#critical role#c1#vox machina#lvm spoilers#tlovm spoilers#edit: to be very clear. i have been here since the very beginning. don't fuck with me lmao
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My Top 5:
anonymous asked: top 5 locations in a game of your choice?
#mirror's edge catalyst#mirror's edge edit#meedit#gamingedit#gamingscenery#mec#~mec#~top5#~#okay i think i both popped off and then lost the ability to make coherent colorings with this one xd#but i'm really happy with the effort i put into it!!! i had a lot of fun writing these bites hehe#i love the view... wish i could live in it someday (honestly i could probably only afford it for a single day LOL)#eternal shoutout to gamingambience on youtube for providing the most incredible compilations and mixes for this game ;-;#seriously i might just donate to him for the amount of work he’s done
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I have a new uquiz for you, go on a pilgrimage with me. discover who you are.
#don't you want to go on a nice medieval pilgrimage?#don't you want to rest a little? answer some questions? learn something about yourself?#this was originally a pentiment medieval quiz and now it's this#it's pretty good imo though. i had a lot of fun researching it#yes there really is a biblio. ill write it up soon but its parts of the pentiment biblio plus some stuff i found myself#really thank you to everyone who made pentiment. you know how sometimes you find a piece of art at exactly the right time?#well i discovered pentiment just as my interests perfectly intersected with it. (those interests being history historiography and grief)#have fun etc. tag your results#that's always great#quiz#uquiz#pentiment#medieval#mine#sorry for being absent for a bit. holidays kind of suck#sorry abbie i couldnt fit the saw bathroom in thisone. i couldn't think of a way to do it naturally#i listened to SAVED! and SINNER GET READY the entire time i was writing this so yeah there's a ref. sue me
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for writing game, iwaizumi + assistance <3
hope this sparks some inspo and thank you in advancee
hi there!! thanks for sending in a prompt 🫶
contains: friends to lovers (ish), halloween parties, reader is dressed as catwoman, expletives, iwaizumi is thiiiiis 🤏 close to murdering seijoh4 (jk)
iwaizumi + assistance
this is a set-up.
iwaizumi knows he shouldn't have fucking believed anything the boys "promised" him back when they assigned him this costume.
the suit is fucking tight, spandex digging into his groins and all other crevices that definitely should be aired out after after a few hours. he's had to constantly readjust his stance almost every few minutes, the black fabric compressing his thighs and torso, significantly constricting the range of motion his shoulders and arms are typically used to. if anything else, it could double up as a back brace from how rigidly straight it's kept his posture all night.
he'll give it to makki though; he did outdo himself sourcing this year's costumes―this batman set looks pretty damn legit.
except for one tiny problem.
there's no fucking pee hole. it's a zip-up, zip-down one-piece situation. and that normally wouldn't be a problem, except that oikawa "accidentally" knocked over a cocktail straight into his pants, the sickeningly sweet liquid now seeping straight into the fabric and past his boxers―cold and sticky as it touches his skin.
and so, the problem: his pants are wet, it makes him want to fucking pee, and coincidentally, the only vacant bathroom is across the hall, at your apartment.
this is why he believes this is a set up. that, and the fact that you're dressed in an outfit strikingly similar―just with cat ears.
he's been asked five times in this party if you're in matching couple outfits.
it catches him off guard, flusters him because of how badly he wants to say yes. but, you're just friends, and he doesn't even think you like him that way (despite mattsun and oikawa practically begging him to confess. makki tells him he thinks you're going to do it first).
so he politely smiles and says no, but you look good, your costume clinging to you in all the right places. thank fucking god he has a cape because he's pretty sure he spent the first 30 minutes in the party hiding his boner.
"hajime, it's fine, i swear," you stand beside him in front of the conveniently locked bathroom in oikawa's apartment. from the other side of the door, he's pretty sure he hears mattsun and his girlfriend mumbling. maybe fucking? who knows. "you can just use the bathroom in my apartment."
he glances at you before closing his eyes, contemplating, before finally agreeing to you.
"okay."
if he's being honest with himself, friends is definitely an incomplete label to what you are. as oikawa's neighbor, you are conveniently around all the time; and oikawa being oikawa, the ever-social butterfly, he's somehow managed to carve a space for you in the friend group.
(never mind the fact that oikawa's sniffed him out from the moment he first introduced you.)
you were a crush, then a friend, and now you're someone he picks up from work and drives back home three times a week, because he "has to train oikawa." you don't question it, even when you both know he stays over for dinner way past the gym's open hours.
"you know where it is," you open your apartment and urge him in.
"sorry again," he turns to face you.
"yeah, yeah, just pee!" you laugh, shoving him towards the bathroom door.
getting out of the suit is manageable, and he's able to wipe off a bit of the cocktail that's leaked to the suit and his boxers just to make sure it isn't gross and sticky when he gets home later. peeing is a big relief once he gets it over with, but it's when he has to suit up again that things become difficult.
stretching out the spandex one body part at a time is a workout in itself―the hardest task being when he has to pull it over his shoulders, adjusting it to fit properly over his arms and chest.
but then the zipper breaks.
and he truly thinks makki has fucked him over.
iwaizumi contemplates what to do next for a good, good while. he tries calling oikawa, only to no success every time; no way in hell is he calling mattsun in the middle of having sex. and calling makki isn't even an option; he'd never hear the end of it.
then you knock on the door, your voice soft and concerned as you ask, "hajime? you good in there?" you hit it spot on, too, "do you need help with your suit?"
iwaizumi presses his palms to his eyes. he's a rational man, straightforward and logical in thinking. there is literally no other option for him right now but to ask help from you. again.
fuck.
.
it's 30 minutes later when oikawa barges in your door, and the sight that greets him is iwaizumi in nothing but a hoodie (the hoodie you borrowed some time ago) and his boxers, with his hands on your waist as you hover your hairdryer over the crotch of his batman costume―cat headpiece off and all.
"you finally got together?!"
#iwaizumi x reader#hq!! x reader#shotorus.workbook#omg i hope u enjoyed this!! i had fun thinking it up ehehe and writing it#in my mind this is set in the same universe as the halloween one i did for mattsun―actually its the same party HABFHBSF#some stuff about the fic: iwaizumi is hot in that costume i spared the details bc i was going to combust MYSELF#but it clings to his muscles REAAAAAAL good and there's really not a lot of padding in the costume itself#bc makki believes in iwaizumi's anatomy enough to deliver#what happened in between iwaizumi asking for help and oikawa barging in??? we may never know 🤷♀️ kidding !#i just didnt write it in bc it would be too long but#if anyone is curious maybe i'll write it as a separate thing!#other stuff abt the fic: reader became good friends with oikawa first bc neighbors but then oikawa admittedly wanted to play matchmaker#so he invited reader a ton to their group things so he could introduce em to iwaizumi HAHA and iwaizumi crushed hard#they become close pretty quickly too hence why reader calls him hajime HAHAH and they hang out even outside of the group#theres definitely something like they text a lot and stuff but neither of them are sure of how the other feels so they arent admitting#reader has borrowed a hoodie from him tho#(aka the one he's wearing in the blurb bc it's the only article of clothing that fits him in reader's apt)#also they figured they'd just kill time by drying iwaizumi's costume bc for sure they couldn't chuck it in the dryer so the next best thing#was to just use a dryer and spot dry it#makki did source most of the costumes! except mattsun's and his gf's#uhhh they go back to the party afterwards but reader literally had to makeshift lock iwaizumi's costume with safety pins HAHA#i guess his muscles just be too popping 🤷♀️#fvntybomb#ask#rep#ask game answered
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clementine
#that other post i made that was like tnp if clementine had a gun#rewriting them has been fun mainly bc a lot of their personality has gone back to the way they were originally#when i started writing them before they turned out a lot more.. friendly? & meeker than i intended#and they are still friendly but i think it's more obvious that it's a mask in some scenes now#adding the toll scene back in and giving them a chance to have leverage over the hunter with the stolen money has really#made the whole deal with them feel more planned & intentional on their part (which it always was)#clementine is Plotting#i also think people will more easily recognize that the deal with them has Consequences now lmao#i really enjoy writing them but i do think finding the balance with them is the hardest#trying not to come across as too obvious but also i don't want it to feel like it's completely out of character either#anyways. teehee
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[Start ID. A redraw of the official icons of the ten named slugcats from Rain World, arranged in two rows: Survivor, Monk, Hunter, Nightcat, and Gourmand in the first, Artificer, Rivulet, Spearmaster, Saint and Enot/Inv in the second. Each is drawn in roughly the same pose as in the original art and fitted with speculative interpretations of their biology, and the second image is a “dead” version of this. For example, all ten have slug-like rhinophores in place of ears, cuttlefish-like colorful eyes with strangely-shaped pupils, cephalopod-like beak "teeth", expressive barbels or oral tentacles at the corners of mouths, spiny radulas, and the frilly mantle fringes of sea slugs, though otherwise their faces are squishy, simple and mammalian-shaped.
Cream-colored Survivor and yellow Monk both share triangular, bicolored spots matching their eyes (which are tan and brown, and two shades of blue, respectively), small, bumpy fringes, and relatively neutral looks on their faces. Defensive-looking Hunter is mostly a dull orange-pink, though their blobby fringe is a more violent red and their back is purple and marred with lumps. Nightcat is navy blue and flecked with dots of yellow and teal, their rolled rhinophores are a lighter blue, and their shading fractures into stars in some places. Gourmand is almost uniformly tan, their wide, very ruffly white mantle fringe bordered by a spray of white spots, and their beak sticks out from either corner of their smile. Primarily red Artificer, snarling, has yellow markings of multiple sorts, a prominent yellow dewlap and their characteristic dark scar taking out a chunk of its face. Rivulet is a darker blue than usual, with long barbels, red gills and rings, countershading, and a cheerful expression, sticking out their radula. Spearmaster is purple with orange accents, eyes and spots, a large fringe and spines down their back. Saint’s green caryophyllidia are marked by small, yellow diamonds, and their long, thin radula extends far below them. Enot is decorated with mottled red stripes, blue patches, yellow stars, and an uneven and almost cartoonish imitation of blush, though generally the same deep blue as Nightcat, a passive or almost slightly smug look on their face and their rolled rhinophores out to either side.
In the second image, nine of the slugcats’ eyes are crossed out, indicating that these are death icons. They look fairly the same, with mostly expression differences. Survivor is caught in the beginning of a threat display, a karma flower sprouts from Monk’s side, Hunter is burdened with overgrowing, purple and blue rot, Nightcat’s rhinophores are pinned back, and Gourmand looks mildly disheartened. For the final row, Artificer bites its radula between small plumes of smoke, Rivulet drops their expression, Spearmaster looks very startled, Saint looks almost entirely the same besides half-open eyes and their markings greater in number, and Enot grins confusedly. End ID]
If you'll excuse the unusually lengthy ID: the arena meme introduced by @pansear-doodles at long last after a nearly year-long wip status (or, rather, finished a month ago today to honor my own first time playing it!)
Design notes and shout-outs under cut! :]
The following people are some of those who’ve inspired my designs most since I started this eight months ago (or just inspired me to get a little weirder with slugcat biology), among many others for sure, and I thank them for it–but this is simply to bring attention to artists I find cool, and in no way an obligation to interact or anything :]
> @saturncoyote , @carpsoup , @charseraph , @gallusgalluss , @bitsbug , @dopscratch , and @0hmanit (and a special mention to dddeerbo and hunterlonglegs, who’ve since deactivated)!
Survivor: Surprisingly the hardest to pin down the colors for, since nothing with its sibling's palette seemed to match up right (I did have to add in a little blue somewhere for Monk, the beginning of making it clear how much I’m simply going based off of vibes for the colors of scug innards). I consider them, Monk and Gourmand to be part of the same gene pool of slugcats, and even possibly the same colony even if the latter isn't really related, so took a bit of Gourmand's coloring and fit them in with their inspiration: Goniobranchus verrieri. They serve as a bit of an introduction to my ideas of scug traits (i find it really fun how many people have thought to add so many silly sluglike fixtures of biology completely independent of me, buuut here I’m mostly talking about species variation), and like in-game they’re pretty average! They, Monk and Hunter have a couple scars sourced from a piece of Joar's concept art that I'm failing to find, those across the bridge of the nose, under the eyes, and across the rhinophores, respectively, and my Survivor interpretation features many on the back of the neck, as a result of survived lizard bites.
Monk: Their coloring is primarily based off the fact that I associate them with blue fruits, honestly, a bit because I was compelled to establish a familiarity with Rivulet, and lastly inspired by the spots of Goniobranchus kuniei (and geminus, less important to me as one of my characters is a kuniei instead, but more fitting). Between the yellow + blue and the circular marking in the center of their face, they’re meant to bear a little resemblance to an iterator that shares similarities with the characterization I’ve given them, and similar coding of her sibling can be seen on Survivor’s markings around the eyes. As both a “default” slugcat and one whose campaign I haven’t played, though, I can’t say I have much more to point out about em.
Hunter: The whole rot thing made for a really fun time drawing them, and while the color change on their back is a result of this, it’s also an excuse to relate them to Babakina festiva, arguably my favorite sea slug (mostly for sentimental purposes). And to Spearmaster, a fellow messenger slugcat, and it serves as a gradient between Hunter’s pink and the “traditional” color of Rot seen in the DLLs. Aside from their affliction, they’d actually be the plainest in terms of design, as they don’t have any patterns or quirks of body type, just the red + purple and strange lumps + possible malnutrition. I can’t remember if NSH had created them in particular or just...caught + released or something, but it probably wouldn’t be strange for a lab-grown slugcat to be simple like that.
Gourmand: Like the two above, they’re rather plain in terms of coloring and adaptation, and like the two above, I find that fun. I decided it would be nice to avert the “all slugcats being of the same body type, and Gourmand’s out of place as the exception” thing by just...adding more fat to all of them, really. I did want to emphasize their sheer bulk even so, both fat and muscular (not like I couldn’t have still gone further with it, of course, but slugcat anatomy can be a little obfuscating sometimes, and they were intended to look rather plush considering personal size headcanons and therefore the lack of proper gravity), and the thick and flounced mantle looked like a good addition, as per their sea slug Glossodoris hikuerensis. Unlike Survivor and Monk, I didn’t attempt to hold their resemblance to any particular other character (which means a little less to balance out the “default gene pool” thing), so those are all the design notes I have for em.
Artificer: The second slugcat I’ve ever played, or finished the campaign of, my favorite for at least a long time, and the first thing I did was give them yellow accents, the shape of which have troubled me slightly (not quite like the spots or stripes of the others). They’re both a little more appealing and more explosive-looking to me, and considering how early on I played Arti, actually present in some of my older art. It does give them a little resemblance to Saint (completely intentional, two slugcats with strange relations to karma), as well as the fact that its radula is green for familiarity with one of its children (at some point it was going to have all-green markings, even!). I’m generous with their scars, partly because it was fun to overemphasize the one on their face and partly because it does seem like a reckless slugcat, on top of the dangers of its explosive abilities–I’ll probably just keep adding more forever. Mostly-red sea slugs aren’t too common, but Hexabranchus sanguineus works for sure. The ridged, yellow dewlap can expand for combustion purposes, or something along those lines. Arti’s where I began experimenting with a lot of the mildly-offkilter features seen in my interpretation of slugcats, as they’ve once again been a favorite from the start.
Rivulet: I've obviously given other slugcats spots, deeply enjoy the bubbly-soda markings of other peoples' slugcats, and thought seal riv would be cute. Despite not too closely resembling it, they've been government-assigned Hypselodoris bennetti, for color reasons and for a couple sentimental ones. Originally, the colors of every scug were meant to match up with the custom colors I gave them at the beginning of their campaigns, (though Arti, Gourm and Spearmy are the only three who actually apply here, since I've only played through half the slugcats: I gave arti the yellow as mentioned above, gourm brown eyes and spearmy light pink spears, furthered by the outskirts pearl accompanying me and that palette all the way to moon. Tolerance training for eternity in hell cause I already knew about the maroon pearl quest). I initially gave them the colors of the bi flag for fun... but with the limited palette of this image, I was left without pink for a while and decided to see how they'd look in red. I then realized how they now wonderfully matched Moon, and besides, red's a sort of camouflage in deep water! As a side-note, the difference between their eyes and those of others always bothered me a little for anatomical purposes, and the cephalopod eyes were probably influenced by this!
Spearmaster: Inspired as much as possible by @notyourfunnyman ’s wonderful spearmy: designed in a way that helps it fit in with scavengers, at least between the long sensory tentacles, big ruff, back spines and slightly thin/distended anatomy, a form of defensive mimicry. I always had annulate rhinophores in mind, for a little diversity sure, but mostly because the shape reminds me of radio antennae and communication towers (seems fitting for the comms array and being a messenger slugcat)! I started searching for a real-life slug to give them just by looking up their rhinophore shape...and was met immediately and coincidentally with annulate-topped nudibranchs that fit them more perfectly than I could've imagined: Flabellina and surrounding clades, I think Paraflabellina ischitana works very nicely. The orange was completely unplanned, but there wasn’t a place for light pink among the other slugcats’ palettes, and importantly it likens them to both Hunter and Seven Red Suns a little more.
Saint: I am very much a non-furred slugcat enjoyer, with respect to those who aren’t, so figuring out the only visibly furred slugcat was an interesting challenge. I’ve decided that they likely have other, milder adaptations for help in the cold, mainly just more efficient fat storage, and what looks vaguely like fur is instead a bunch of tubercles (called caryophillia, for the second reminder out of three). Their inspiration doesn’t have these, however, Miamira sinuata’s numerous yellow and blue spots (not to mention...whatever’s going on with that shape) and general effect of being the only really green nudibranch I could find were probably perfect for a strange green echo. Not pictured, but their beak-teeth are tiny and flat to make a surface for grinding soft food against with the lack of a functioning radula, which is tipped with a specialized spiny “grapple-hook” for better traction/grip (not to mention the numerous little teeth running down the whole thing).
(Best part of hiding this under a readmore means edits will be seen by all reblogs, I'm mostly sure, because I completely forgot to mention! The spots on their forehead are simple eyes. Their camera eyes appear closed in-game, I like to believe their complex eyesight is rather poor anyways or otherwise reason that they aren't seeing out of those, and while this was far from her REASON for attunement with the world, it does help compensate for mainly viewing it through a canvas of simple light and dark. This, and the fact that their swapped-out "fur" is not only to commit to a lack of hairs but contributes to sensory input!)
Nightcat/Enot: I guess you could say I found the “these two are technically the same person” compelling. (E.g. similar colors, both very strange and enigmatic, and Enot/Inv/Sofanthiel’s remark during the dating sim about getting removed from Arena Mode.) I doubt they’re the only two slugcats in their body, considering humans with DID tend to have more than a few (and I find it very funny that a slugcat bearing resemblance to Nightcat appears in Gourmand’s ending. They’re allowed in the colony and Enot isn’t </3), and I have to credit @faelingdraws ’s art for being what convinced me on it! Their design inspirations come down to trying to balance a few different ideas: making the patterns and palettes of both look oddly similar (special mention to the stars, since those are fun to draw), basing them off of Felimare sechurana and juliae respectively, using blocks of color with the same placement as in Enot’s official art, and specifically making Enot look...biologically reasonable and imperfect, whilst also clearly trying to imitate human displays of emotion (what with...the eyes and blush on that one piece of official art).
Lastly, here’s just a lineup with notes on body shape and size. Most of the nicknames (existing to give a little more space, that’s all) are obvious, and while I can’t remember why I shortened Nightcat to Nox, it is in honor of my friend by the same nickname :]
#survivor rain world#monk rain world#hunter rain world#nightcat rain world#gourmand rain world#artificer rain world#rivulet rain world#spearmaster rain world#saint rain world#enot rain world#slugcat rain world#rain world#peridots-art#< feels like too long since that last tag's been used. i can say with certainty that the majority of the reason i haven't been just as#active here (not to mention not drawing as often since that's relevant) is just due to my life getting busier with a new school year but i#do miss putting my stuff here! and would like to reblog more on top of that.... so forgive not remembering exactly how to tag everything#(and how to write everything up there but to be fair it's not like long textposts were a staple of mine. i mostly just rambled and it was#fun hehehe.....some of those notes (parts of riv/spears mostly) were written around the beginning of the drawing itself)#OH i messed something up with the drafting and really did not mean to post it while tags were in progress! but regardless. i would've liked#to post it tomorrow to mirror how i was going to post it on JAN 29 a month ago......but it's not like i'm unhappy with this outcome :]#to sum it up really though it's been strange working on this for so long.....unfortunate to not get a chance to let it be seen and keep#experimenting with odd biology much earlier but i'm just glad it's out now cause i am proud of these!! it's been a lot of fun and slugcats#are still my go-to doodles :] if i had to end this off promptly though what's up with that secret pipeyard shelter as gourm that's not on#the maps. connected to vs_a04. doesn't appear on the miraheze or interactive maps for anyone strangely but i've only been there as gourmand#anyway! i'm sure there's a lot i could've said in the rush but goodbye dear reader anyway :]#i forgot spearmy initially. i'm so sorry#peridots-described#< NOOOO THAT DOESNT SHOW UP THERE'RE TOO MANY TAGSS.......
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I finally watched Arcane and realized they're just the same character so I swapped their clothes ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ
#Maniacal blue haired villains with devastating back stories doomed by the narrative are my type#I went with Jinx's classic skin for Tomu tho bc I love that design just a lil more#I'm bias tho bc I used to play LoL in highschool and I mained her lol#I did in fact draw Tomu in the arcane fit too tho and will post that when I stop being lazy and actually color it 👀#Was watching Arcane with my friend and after the first 3 episodes i looked at her and went “now tell me again ehy you dont like Shigaraki”#she said jinx is her fav but shes always hatin on my man 😤 unreal#I'm going to make a PowerPoint for her to prove theyre just the same guy (its just arcane had better writing lol)#I had a lot of fun making this though#I'm really proud of the expressions here and the shading 😇#the rendering took forever and halfway through i regretted my decision to do it#but anyways enjoy the food#my art#shigaraki tomura#shigaraki#shiggy#tenko shimura#mha shigaraki#league of villains#my hero academia#bnha#mha#mha fanart#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx league of legends#jinx lol#arcane#arcane fanart
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✨MASTERLIST✨
(fanart, longfics, oneshots)
Welcome to my blog!!! Here is my masterlist of ALL of my little sketches, artwork, writing, and general brainrot related to Hogwarts Legacy💘
🌿 - Madeleine / Maddy / myokk
🌱 - AO3
🌿 - likes and follows come from my main blog, @oerflink, because this is a sideblog (🥲)
🌱 - Eloise Babbit, my MC and basically the whole reason for this blog🫶 I don’t necessarily view her as the game’s MC, as my fic is quite canon-divergent and she is sweeter than the evil gremlin I played in-game😆💓 [link to her character sheet]
🌿 - my art tag🫶🫶🫶 here you can see basically every drawing I've done since joining the fandom!
Writing:
Before It Felt Like A Sin (AO3 / tumblr - ongoing)
Sebastian Sallow x F!MC, canon divergent, longfic, wip, dual pov Eloise/Sebastian
Summary: Eloise never wanted to be different.
And yet, her differences are what have defined her life up until this point: growing up as a squib in one of the most prominent wizarding families, being exiled to muggle society, and then attending Hogwarts at the age of sixteen.
She finds herself thrust into the life she should have been prepared for from birth but was denied. As she navigates this new life and her new precarious position in her family, she must come to terms with the fact that maybe what she dreamed of her whole life isn't turning out how she ever expected it would.
Tags: slow burn, angst, magical theory, mythology references, pureblood culture, occlumency, legilimency, hurt/comfort, family dynamics, eventual romance, eventual smut, sacrificial magic, blood magic, dark magic rituals, implied/referenced child abuse
[coming soon] - an excerpt from the Ominis longfic I’m working on💘
Oneshots:
clumsy (AO3 / tumblr)
pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC
word count: 9,1k
rating: E
summary: sebastian is clumsy.
or: two stubborn brats make things more difficult than they have to be.
cw: fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, two really stubborn idiots in love to be exact, sir cadogan guest appearance, anne and imelda are the gremlin best friends every girl needs, smut (18+ ONLY), oral (f. recieving), no y/n
legilimency (AO3 / tumblr)
pairing: Ominis Gaunt x F!MC
word count: 1,7k
rating: m (language)
summary: (His parents and Marvolo insist it’s a gift handed down from Slytherin himself, just like the Parseltongue Ominis despises. It is not. It is a curse.)
or: The Gryffindor student has caught on that Ominis can read her thoughts and decides to get her revenge.
tags: ominis is a natural legilimens, he is entirely too introspective, fluff, no y/n
remembering the snow (AO3 / tumblr)
pairing: Imelda Reyes x Poppy Sweeting
word count: 3,3k
rating: G
summary: Imelda remembers the first time she saw snow.
Her parents always started the story telling her that she cried and cried and cried.
or: a character study on Imelda and how she grew up because I love her & she doesn't get enough appreciation :)
tags: character study, fluff, romance, first kiss, emotional hurt/comfort, I just wanted to write a sweet story & explore Imelda as a character
Illustrated scenes:
(aka where I illustrate little scenes from my longfic and oneshots💓)
🌿 - the summer before Sebastian and Anne’s first year at Hogwarts🥺💓
🌱 - Sebastian hates Eloise’s guts😳
🌿 - Eloise is really, really bad at chess😔 (this scene always makes me laugh SO MUCH)
🌱 - right after the pensieve scene🫶🫶🫶
🌿 - Eloise and Sebastian’s first kiss😇😇😇
🌱 - some angst after their first kiss😇😇😇
🌿 - sebastian overthinks things a lot😔
🌱 - an excerpt from my oneshot, clumsy💘
🌿 - another scene from my clumsy 🫶 I really love writing Sebastian’s pov & this was just so much fun to paint and write😫💓
🌱 - Eloise and her mother😔
🌿 - Eloise is NOT flustered by Sebastian😤
#hmmmmm I had a lot of fun making this & obviously I need to actually sort through my disaster blog and add more links/organuzation/etc#this is what 6 months of procrastination gets you🥲🥲#when I started posting in April I didn’t care but now it kind of stresses me out#also I chose this picture bc a) it’s horizontal; but b) choccy said it was one of her favorites#and it IS cute#and drooling Sebastian deserves to be my header for a bit😤😤#ok im going to organize my art later😵💫😵💫😵💫#also maybe there is a better way to do this??? idk I’m just making things up😭😭😭#I literally have gone quite crazy no chill since I started posting and there is SIX MONTHS WORTH OF BRAIN ROT TO SORT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!#i just focused on the writing for now bc it’s a) what I like the best and b) easiest to sort through#but I really want to put links to all of my art & organize it#& ALSO put links to all of the amazing art I’ve been gifted🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 even if it’s just for me to go back and look through😌🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#sebastian sallow x mc#ominis gaunt#ominis gaunt fanfiction#hogwarts legacy fanfic#sebastian sallow fic
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The Cat Curse - MC Edition
Characters: Sylus x gn!mc (poly lads)
Warnings: Heavy hurt|Some comfort, Semi-canon compliant heart condition, Spoilers for current story release (Small mentions of Sylus bond up to 102 and all of Sylus' currently released content).
Word Count: 4170
Written: 23rd December 2024
Notes: New relationship Sylus/MC-centric but poly LADs (this time with group chat), with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in. Unnamed MC, but using my personal MC's basic appearance and adjusted backstory. I take some liberties with what the game offers me.
Now Playing: Monster, by STARSET
Masterlist
Next ->
You've been responding to his messages, Sylus notes, but something's off. He's been away on some inane business trip, ever since you, the doctor, the fish, the prince and he had visited a new kitty cafe opening. He rarely gets to see you visibly excited, you are worse at showing your feelings on your face than he is. Whenever you're faced with animals, of any kind, even Mephisto, your eyes sparkle and you could easily spend hours upon hours sat with them. Even more so if they let you pet them.
The first time you'd seen the evol kitties, according to the doctor, you'd been unsure. They didn't look like cats. Something off and a little wrong, but they mewed at you and straight away you'd gently stroked their noses. As if unable to hold back.
Since then you would drag any of them along to play kitty cards. You didn't like the game, had no patience for strategy, but you did like petting the cats. Sitting there between every round, barely looking at the board, and tickling small whiskers. Much to the fish's distress.
While Sylus doesn't really care if he wins or loses around you, he's almost assured a win when playing with you because it's simply not something you care about. Distracted and unbothered by the game. He's only relieved that when he sprouted ears and a tail (of the caracal kind), you had been just as enamoured with those. Finally smothering him in affection in the same way, and being distracted by his tail. Though he'd never confess to competing with cats, at this point it's just an everyday occurrence.
He found he enjoyed playing most with the doctor, unlike when the man played with you, he took no soft approach with Sylus, and it was fun to butt heads with him. Stubborn as they both could be. That left you to lean your head on the fish's lap, the prince asleep against your side already, and play with cats, to a backdrop of 'You're cheating', 'I'm simply better at this than you.', 'If you would stop getting distracted-' that you mostly blocked out.
Rounds later, he paid the bill before anyone else got chance to, and picked up some cakes to take back.
Then he'd had his business trip to attend, having moved things around so on your rare day off, you could see everyone. It was never fun to drop you off, Sylus missed you anytime he could not see you, and though he was prideful, he had been honest about not being able to sleep without the sound of your voice. A confession you'd flushed at and tugged at one of the straps of your prosthetic.
He'd watched you waver over how to respond, biting at your lip, and fidgeting, as you fought against your urge to run away from him.
Trying didn't come easy, you'd told him. Honesty and openness, it got even harder when you'd lost your family, it got easier with every day you were given room to breathe by all of them, and every friend you held dear to your 'broken' heart. He didn't want to dig, or poke at old wounds, not now you were trying to live... but he often saw too much of himself in you.
Whether it was because of the way you'd grown up, or his soul inside of you, it made him even more careful and aware of offering you what you offered him.
"I'll miss you too, Sy. Call me, alright?" Your finally settled on, cool metal hand taking his in yours and squeezing. Before he'd left you, reluctant and complaining, he'd pressed kisses over your face, down your neck, and finally pushed you to the wall of your apartment building, to steal all the air from your lungs. Thigh holding you up, as he tangled his hands in your hair.
When he'd tried to pull away, he couldn't quite, leaning back in once, twice, three times, chasing the warmth of your mouth. Over and over.
You'd laughed, pushing him back to breathe, gasping, "It's a week. We'll be fine for a week."
A week... you aren't possessive enough, he thinks, spinning his pen in his hand. Half listening to Luke and Kieran talk. He feels as though he's emptied and lost, missing parts of what makes him who he is, and your messages feel... the same.
He could be reading into it... you're not exactly one to put your heart on your sleeve, or cling. You're independent because you've had to be, and he still hasn't had enough time to get you to lean all of your weight on him.
So he sends a message into the group chat without you, made in order to plan surprises or outings.
🐦⬛: Is everything ok back home?
⛄️: Aren't you busy?
🐦⬛: I'm taking a break.
They don't have to know he's tuning out his business partners, hoping they'll talk themselves out so he can leave.
🐠: lucky, some of us have r busy
🐠: [Attached photo]
🐦⬛: Please tell me that's not paint on my walnut table.
🐠: won't answer u then
⭐️: looks more colourful now
He rubs the space between his eyes, already dreading returning to the mess, and regretting letting the fish use his space for storing work while his studio is being fumigated. The partners at the table tense at his action, but he doesn't bother sparing them a glance, so they relax and resume talking.
🐦⬛: Is anyone going to answer my question?
⛄️: Is there a reason you're asking?
He hesitates, it's just a feeling, if he worries everyone, and it's nothing...
No, he didn't get this far by not trusting his instincts.
🐦⬛: Kitten's messages have felt off.
Two exclamation reactions are his instant response, the fish and prince. They start to type, then stop, then start again.
🐠: what way?
⭐️: have U called them?
⛄️: Calm down, they took some time off work because of a cold.
🐠: y didn't anyone tell us?
⛄️: I thought they would have asked Tara to contact you, or contacted you themselves?
🐦⬛: They didn't.
⭐️: ive been on mission for a couple of days, i can stop in tomorrow when its over
He puts his phone down too forcefully and looks at the room. He's... irritated. Not like he normally is when it comes to you, a childish way where he can't have enough as he likes from you. Like you're a toy he cannot stop playing with. He's almost angry, but mostly sad.
He's been patient, surely you can at least talk to him if you feel sick?
Sylus is done with this trip, he's bored of listening to people talk nonsense, and he has no need for anything they have to offer. "We're done here, Luke. Kieran."
Waving his hand absently and ignoring protests behind him, he leaves the room, phone in hand.
🐦⬛: I'm coming back now.
-------------
Jenna had sent you home, it's not the first time she has. You're terrified one day she'll get bored of having to keep track of your health. Or you'll really let her down, and get you... or more importantly someone else, hurt.
It's probably not a normal mindset to worry so much about what your boss thinks, or to fear disappointing them like they're your parent.
It's not like you have parents to know what's that like... but gran's disappointment every time you got into fights growing up... well it was enough.
Caleb used to cover for you, within reason. He lectured you, told you to pull yourself up and figure it out. That fighting every battle against every jerk you met, reckless and stupid, would get you killed. "Come on pipsqueak, use that energy for something better. Something worthwhile."
So many reasons you didn't want to or couldn't, you wanted to tell him... a hand clenched over your chest.
You were so tired of disappointing them both though, so tired of seeing worn eyes tending to cuts and bruises. Bandaging your back, or fixing the set of your arm.
Being a hunter was that answer. If you used what little life you had in you, unsure when your busted up heart would give out finally, then you could greet Caleb and Gran with pride. Your life was a tool, to make others better.
So every day you weren't working, felt like a day you were failing them... failing to be worth anything other than the core in your chest. A vessel with no purpose or value but to hold something you hated. That could kill you.
It wasn't like you could work like this though... you'd laughed at your partners when they'd sprouted ears and tails. Especially Raffy, he'd been so disgruntled at the fate that had befallen him. This was... probably karma. Pointed, soft ears on top of your head, pinned back against your skull. Pristine white, so they at least blended into your hair.
At your back, a bristled tail, huge and furry... already having picked up some dirt to sully what had been pure white.
It hadn't settled since it had appeared, and you wondered what that said about you...
Fucked up mess. Stupid fool. Useless.
Too loud, everything was too loud. You could hear your neighbours through the walls, all the cars below your apartment, every child crying, dog barking, cat mewling.
It hurts.
You covered your ears with your hand, but noise filtered in through the new set you'd acquired.
Hurts.
You'd grown accustomed to the state of your heart. If you don't pay attention you can miss something, and you care now... perhaps you always did, just too raw like an open wound to let yourself.
It's racing and panicked. You don't need your hunter's watch to know it's too fast.
Burying yourself into your bed, you cover your head with the duvet, grab at your headphones to shove them into your ears, turning them as loud as they can go, and bury your head under the pillows.
Your phone buzzes at your side, and you don't want to touch it. Scared to leave the cocoon you've built for yourself.
You'd begged Tara to tell Zayne you were sick with a cold, that you would be fine soon. She'd given you a heartbroken look that had made you bristle further, pity. Always pity.
You didn't want pity.
Before your fraying emotions could get the best of you, you'd fled the hunters association, hood up over your head and run home.
You can feel your tail trembling, struggling to swish under the blanket as you struggle to calm down, to at least get some sleep.
Maybe if you sleep it will go away.
Maybe when you wake up you'll feel better.
Useful.
Worth having around.
Not on the cusp of disappearing with nothing to show for yourself.
-----
When you'd woken up, tail still bristled, and newly acquired fangs digging into your bottom lip. Blood staining the bedsheet, you'd finally fished your phone out from your nest.
3am.
The world was quieter for it, and you wondered if this was part of why Sylus preferred the night to day.
You didn't remove your headphones, but you did finally open up your messaging app, seeing messages from everyone.
TaraTara💖: I hope you're ok bestie, if you need anything let me know.
Number One Lumiere Fan: Tara said you were sick, if you have time, I have a few shows you could watch to waste time. Only one is about Lumiere! Promise!
Simone (the one whose guns explode): Hey! Tara said you weren't doing so hot, if you want some company for a movie night, I make the best soup you'll ever have!
Captain: Remember to actually get some rest, take advantage of the break, alright? Everything will be fine here.
🐠cute fishie 🐠: hey cutie, wat do u think?
🐠cute fishie🐠: [Attached Image]
⭐️little star⭐️: missions going well, how are U?
⛄️sweet snowman⛄️: Tara said you're sick, I'll come over to check on you as soon as I can. Make sure you eat and drink.
🐦⬛pretty bird🐦⬛: Meetings are always more boring without you kitten, I hope you're missing me as much.
Your tail settles, curling against your side, fur flattening and you try really hard not to cry. You wish you'd thanked Tara when you left instead of fleeing, overstimulated and hurting.
Wounded like the cat you're teasingly referred to as. Feral and ready to hiss and scratch. You've spent so many years shutting people out.
Shutting Gran and Caleb out.
Shutting them out you wasted so much time until it was too late.
Why can't you learn?
You force yourself to respond, trying to sound as much yourself as you can... it's unnerving, to wear a mask over a mask. You wonder if you'll ever recognise your reflection.
You hesitate as you go to respond to your partners. You should tell them, reaching up to roughly pull the ears on your head. They'd understand, they've been where you are. Your brain says you should go to the kitty cafe, find out how to fix it this time around... but being out there, in the noise...
Instead you send some version of you're fine, and things are fine, everything is good. You're good.
You're together. You're useful. You're not a burden.
You aren't fragile and sick and useless.
You are worth keeping around, even when your heart picks up speed again, beating so hard against your chest that you fear the core wants to escape its fleshy vessel.
The straps attaching your prosthetic are digging into your skin, rubbing it raw, but you ache to even try to remove it. Fighting with the buckles and biting at the bit. You're still in your uniform, and you're sure by now you need a shower. The idea of water shooting a shot of anxiety straight into your chest, flaring up your tail, and your ears flatten as far as they can.
No water...
Maybe later.
Or you can really fill out how shit you feel with a wet wipe bath.
Caleb would kill you.
You don't want to think about it anymore. You want to let the quiet take over, or reasonably so with the screamo in your ears. Blasting the noise outside into nothing.
So you go back to sleep. Easing the pain in your heart with the only sure fire way.
---------
You can't breathe. You can't breathe.
Bolt upright in bed, hissing through your teeth, chest so tight you can feel your ribs.
You flounder, pulling at where your straps should be, but they're gone, no leather under your fingers. So you move to claw at your chest with one hand, gasping.
Hands grab you, and you struggle and you fight and you hiss. Fangs out, feral and ready to claw your way free. Arms far stronger than you pull you against a warm chest, tilt your head back and pills are placed in your mouth. You try to spit them out but a hand is on your throat, rubbing at your larynx. You swallow and then water follows it.
You splutter and cough, and you wriggle and struggle. Your head is pressed against skin, and you sink your fangs in.
Out. Out. Out.
"It's alright, you're alright, I'm here."
Blood fills your mouth and his scent surrounds you and you shiver. Blinking as your heart medication begins to do its job, easing the fractured organ in your chest. You spit, trying to clear your mouth of the taste of metal, shivering and shaking but your chest isn't constricting you now.
"Sy-" You cry outloud, he holds you, not bothered by the blood tricking down his shoulder. Of course he isn't, he heals it, the pain nothing in comparison to watching you choke on air you can't breathe. "Sorry. Sorry." You mumble against his skin, licking where you bit, crying and shaking. Wrapping your arm around his neck.
He assures you, and he rocks you both in his arms, rubbing your back and running a hand through your hair. Careful around your ears, not going far enough down to touch your bristled tail.
He hums and he rocks, and he squeezes you tight enough to ground you.
It's an hour or two later when you can finally feel any semblance of stable. You can't bring yourself to look at Sylus, he's stroking your cheek and wiping tears from your face, and all you can do is stare at the bed. You can't think of what to say.
You didn't take your medication, you hurt him... it's not the first time, but when this happened with Caleb you didn't have a cats' fangs.
Between you opening up and me prying, I prefer the former. He'd told you, after a terrible day, listing every way he would support you.
With all your sharp edge, you place your hand over his on your cheek, "I'm sorry, Sy."
He huffs, turning you in his arms so you're facing each other, but his one hand grips your hip, sturdy. Solid, strong. He doesn't hurt, but escaping would be hard. You try hard not to.
Though you can feel the... your tail swishing.
He looks at it, at your ears, then at you, red nosed and disheveled.
"Explain."
It's a command, brooking little argument, and though normally you'd refuse to take orders, you duck your head now. Avoiding molten eyes and seeking out something to focus on. The hand that was on your head, stretches out in between you both, palm up, and you take it quickly. Toying with his fingers, squeezing it in your own. Finding connection in your hand on his.
"Jenna sent me home, my evol doesn't work, I can't fight. I... it hurt. Everything's so loud."
You can't see it as he frowns, as your ears prick, then settle, seeking out all the things that hurt them. "I went to sleep, thought it would make this go away, but it didn't."
"Why didn't you tell me?" You hear it then, the pain, like he's biting down on glass. Your eyes dart up and his eyes are glassy, warm red gone dull. "You left your prosthetic on. It was rubbing your skin raw at the angle you were sleeping. There was blood on your sheets." He presses his forehead to yours and breathes you in, "Then this. Why didn't you tell me?" His voice cracks, and you want to be sick.
You twine your fingers with his and choke on the words, "I didn't want to be a bother."
He hisses, his grip on your hand almost hurts, but you probably deserve so much worse. You lied to him, to them, and you hurt him. More than just biting at him.
"You need to tell me. No matter what. No matter what I'm doing, beloved. No matter the issue." He kisses your forehead, over and over and over again. "Promise me."
You nod, and curl your pinky around his, just like you used to with Caleb when he made you promise to come to him with an injury. The words are too stuck in your throat, your voice too sore to use, but you nod. Desperately.
"You're not a burden to be carried, kitten. Ever. Do you understand?"
You don't. You want to, but it's hard. There is no part of you that feels easy or fun, but you do love him. So much. More than you thought yourself capable of. More than you wanted, on borrowed time.
"I'll try." You promise, and it feels like you've cycled back around to the start. Promising to figure things out at home, promising to aim for something. A future you're not sure you're going to ever see.
He takes it in earnest, you do not go back on your word. You are loyal and once you trust, you trust with your heart and your soul. It is yourself you do not trust.
Instead he eases you back into his lap and stands, you flinch and release his hand to grab his neck with your hand. "You need to be cleaned up, I'll help." You go to tell him no because it's water, and you're more a cat than even he teases you for, but you have your head in his neck at this angle, and his scent is so strong. Your tail flattens and begins to flick, lazy and soothed. You hear him chuckle, vibrating through his chest and through yours. "I'm not going anywhere."
-----------
Sylus eases you through steps. He's seen you injured, he's seen you with phantom pains, and he's watched you battle nightmares. Wanderers with swords through your chest, your heart stopping, an explosion you can't stop. He knows what you look like when wounded, he also knows that you fear his reaction when you are.
It takes time to heal wounds, he knows that intimately. You'd never shed your rage or anger, not really. When someone has made mention of gods you'd scoffed, when someone has talked about EVER and their many plans to help humanity, you'd snarled. You trust no king, no god, no corporation to fix the world or the people in it. He knows you're always scared but you keep walking forwards anyway, and he admires and loves you for it.
He just wishes you'd take his hand when that happens.
He has not felt fear like seeing your heart failing you in his arms before, and no matter the violence of your struggle, he would let you rip him to pieces to survive.
He has so much time, and his greatest fear is losing you too soon.
He cleans, and he dries, brushing hair and rubbing lotion to ease the burns on your skin. He helps you dress, finding clothes that don't irritate your tail, because at least he is intimately familiar with that, and then he sits you down on the couch with vegetable soup. Not handmade, though he'd rather have done so. He doesn't want to leave you alone, so he orders what he needs. Sending the twins running around. He's sure you'd like to see them, but he's worried their exuberance will agitate the overstimulation you're combatting.
Watching your ears flick this way and that, picking up too much. As though you don't already struggle with the world's input.
He almost feeds you, wanting to heal you with his own hands, like he's anything like the doctor... he's not. His skills are in bloodshed, and he is as sharp edged as you are.
Except you have made yourself a weapon, to be worth the pain, and he was made a weapon, to survive the pain.
He does not move far away, however, kneeling at your feet, and massaging your calves while you eat. You try to pull your legs away, but he keeps them held, and continues his movements. You have soothed his body before, stitched his wounds, kissed where his scars would be, and he will not have you lacking his own love and affection.
A dragon does not love lightly. Though you don't remember the depths he has gone to for you. This is an easy act of devotion.
"You need to tell them too." He finally speaks, as you clear your bowl. He's relieved to see your ears are no longer flat, your tail is not bristled, you are as relaxed as you can be. You nod, guilt written in your face, and he retrieves your phone for you on black and red mist.
Sitting at your side, he grabs your brush and begins to brush your tail. You almost leap into the air, startled and dropping your phone onto the couch cushions. "Sy!"
"Cat fur can get tangled, especially long fur." He smirks, pulling you closer, and brushing through it with long fingers, "So let me take care of it."
You flinch at the contact, stare at where his hand is in the new found attachment, then keeping your eyes trained on your phone, you nod.
He's content to let you write out what you need to, to be honest with the others, he doesn't want to have that job. It's your mission to step out of your self made cage. So he brushes quietly, the twitching tail in his hands restless, but soon as soft as you can be in your relaxed moments.
Your head hits his shoulder, ears twitching in sleep as all the pent up energy and stress escapes you. Held in long white furs in a small brush. You mutter in your sleep, words he can't understand, and whistle through your nose, little noises that make him laugh.
The best, however, is the purring in the back of your throat, broken up by sleep, and the tail that has found its way around his wrist.
He does not move you, but he retrieves a blanket and holds you against him, cheek pressed to the top of your head, against your fur ears, and keeps watch while you finally find some peace.
⛄️: Are they alright?
🐦⬛: They will be.
#wonder writes#love and deepspace#sylus#reader x sylus#sylus x mc#lads x mc#lads x reader#sylus x reader#lads#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#this was meant ot be cute and fun to write... it ended up being very venty and i just yeeted it out into the world so godspeed.#mc is a feral cat and so is sylus#one is more feral than the other and no its not the dragon#i might just end up doing so many fake texts just for this group chat#the idea of the boys specific group chat where raffy and sylus actively try to torment each other#while xavier mostly watches but occasionally drops a bomb#and zayne has it muted unless mc's name comes up...#quick notes - mc's heart condition has no cure the medication is to keep it running hence why zayne is so determined to study the heart#they also lost their arm in a wanderer attack. and have nightmares about the chronorift event#after being told their heart couldn't be fixed they basically went out and started fights they had generally good reasons to help someone#but they got hurt a lot and had to be taken care of a lot. caleb suggested they become a hunter in order to put something good in the world#they have a lot of anger over their situation and over what they've learned about gran and the loss of their family#they also have that age ol' chronic illness and disabled fear of being too much for people... it do be like that#i might do a less heartbreaking part two... i really didn't mean to do this.. cries but its out my system... kinda...
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.
II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.
Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.
This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.
Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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