#i really gotta revise
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Procrastinating my revision until I panic because I've got 3 exams tomorrow 💯
#help#i really gotta revise#oh well#ill wait until midnight then panic and end up doing it in like half an hour#ill still pass#i guess#i wont#im gonna fail#especially maths
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ough brain is doing SO bad but sometimes. there are colors
#bakuspeech#WIP#cw: gore#the stuffed animal cartoon kind. but still#ask to tag#Im so fucking sorry I keep going like I will draw! (does not draw for three weeks#I. ngl Somethin is goin on up there. I finished writing a Thing and it doesnt solve that#I just. this is my capacitance really I think. I just gotta. accept it. work with it#its always so funny tho bc like I look at whatever it is Im drawing rn and its like hey this looks like shit! this looks ass#and then I keep drawing it.#like this piece is at Least two weeks into something thats supposed to be a pretty quick revised illus for#an old wizard leon design. and like if I werent Bit Off it wouldve stayed that way#instead. this is how its goin#I have not slept for 23 hours. I should uh. fix that#but yeah its just. my brain is wrappin itself around some new ideas n concepts n shit rn#like. I was really afraid I wouldnt be able to paint digitally if Im not on the screen tablet#and its kinda fuckin with me? like obviously I can. I am literally doing the exact same things Im doing on the screen tablet#but now on a graphic tablet#thats just. not getting thru to my brain yet. for some reason. its still generating goo n such#well! what is a guy to do. if not blastin off regardless#sorry. I really should sleep now#have a good night lads! this piece will be done when its done. I am NOT saying more I am not jinxing SHIT#u should change ur pillowcases! it really does send u to another realm
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want to get nerdy really fast about all the cool little concepts and ideas that went into hallowed bodies because I fell into the trap of Hating It Until It Was Over & nowwww I remember that I specifically chose to write 90% of it in vignettes to capture a feeling of stunted listlessness in the narrative, that I literallyyyyy kept a character unnamed as a way to thematically emphasize the omnipresent anonymity of men in Lonan’s life (his father, god, Harrison), that I leapt off the ending of BODY BACK that ends in a church (HB starts in a church), that both first chapters in BB and HB have the protagonist yearning for someone to lead VS someone to follow, that similarly, both books delve into the same premise but with vastly different circumstances, that the ending was designed to also be a foil of the end of BB (Harrison walks INTO a church, Lonan walks OUT) & yeahhhh it’s pretty cool lol
#and that’s just the FIRST DRAFT#excited to dive into it and polish it#I might do that tmrw lol I don’t want to take the process too seriously#but there are paragraphs I’d love to add and feelings I’d love to amplify#ANYWAY IT’S A COOL BOOK!!!!#a really necessary transition back to calmness for sure lol#no possible way writing in the style of maximalist BB is sustainable and HB#has helped me transition to more Normal writing which I appreciate LOL#I really haven’t also thought about BB and HB as companions in a long time HAHA#like the drafting processes were so different that I forgot they’re supposed to be one half of the same coin#gotta do a podcast ep on that lolllll it’s really cool man HAHAHA#anywayyyyy giving Lonan a kiss on the cheek#one of my revision notes is to have Lonan think of himself fondly for just a sec lol#LIKE U ARE LOVELY
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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Thinking a lot rn and I wouldn't change much about Torch. What I would change is primarily just that I wish I'd raised him and things that are ways he's less typical for a laika (pls be more aloof sir). I honestly find him to be an incredibly easy dog to live and work with, and I love working with him. I've lived with "easier" dogs and none of them lit me up like he does and most of them overwhelmed me in ways he doesn't.
I love that he works with me and not for me. I love his drive. I love the bond that we built together. I love his prey drive and can't wait to hunt with him. I love his intelligence. I got a high drive high energy hunting spitz and I love every bit of that about him. He makes me a better person and a happier person and a healthier person and a more active person.
I'm really more of a cat person than a dog person, for all of my adhd about dogs. I like lots of dogs but I love all cats and WSL fit the things that make me love cats while also giving me the opportunity to go backpacking and mushing and hunting with them, without the things that overwhelm or frustrate me about most dogs.
I wouldn't recommend him for everyone. But he's perfect for me and I can't see myself ever not having one.
#idle rambling#idk just something ive been thinking about a lot#i love lots of individual dogs dont get me wrong#but i love everything about wsl that ive heard and experienced#in a way that i dont for like. labs lol. or even siberian huskies#id own specific sibes. id own specific gsd. etc#but the laika who dont sound ideal to me are outliers lol#the things that make torch terrible for most people make him perfect for me#i wont say that looks dont play into it#i wouldnt own them if i thought they were ugly. if they looked like boxers but were otherwise identical i would not own them lol#but i also love how many sibes look and dont really want those except maybe some of the ones im really fond of or their offspring#idk#anyways#my thoughts arent all together on this still but i gotta walk the boyo and not just revise this 5 million times#and i was gonna explode if i didnt get it Out Of My System
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goopy boy
#marble musings#im really normal about them i think#marble draws#uhhh#i should make an actual tag for him#well#oc art#chnt forest files au#ok#umm#wait i should see what my friends tagged their posts#did they make posts#:P#nah ok they didnt tag the au yet#wellllllllllllllllll if yall see this#um#thats the tag i just made it up :P#i need to finish writing his silly lore#aughhhh i feel bad#ok ill like#write it and then beg my friends to revise it or somethin#the thing is im awful at not being cryptic in pros TwT really in anything actually#ok i gotta make the beginning make sense and then i think its alright#camp here and there: forest files#btw guys even tho im taggin this#its not canon to the au im gonna make a buncha non canon art of him bc hes my blorbo regardless of the au
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IF. i put together a pwyw zine with a short story, a playlist, and hand-drawn cover art. under a cheesy emo pen name. would yall buy it.
#i'm really. really thinking i might do it this time.#the story itself holds up i think.#i've got the cover almost done. i'm polishing the playlist.#i'd. really like to just get something Out Here already. that i can point to and say It's Done.#i just gotta figure out logistics. like. would we only want digital. would we want physical. how would i go about all that.#i might just do a pdf first? physical seems complicated. iDK if yall have experience with this lmk.#(it's fallenwip for yall who have been Around since 2019 when i wrote it. the revised version i submitted to mags. hands over face emoji.)#izzy.txt
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…
Art block + boredom = ….
“Bear My Fear” is an old fanfic and I gotta tell y’all newbies a spoiler for this…
Waaaaaaay BEFORE Scarlet Dawn slams us all with a flying meat tree boss, that 3 legged wolf over there was my fan made “Moon” boss.
…yeah, typical beast thing over here is a sadistic monster that lurks in EFI, snatching the researchers one by one…leaving the best prey for last:
A scared-out-of-his-mind Daniel Curien.
…with that new installment of Scarlet Dawn in the mix, I gotta change a few things in the fanfic.
Hey, I think I did mentioned about this in the old post but just to refresh memories (and a self-reminder as well)…
The beast in the story will not be referred as the Moon anymore. She’s “Neoma” now. (Yes…name pun if ya squint at the name meaning…)
Hopefully this art block phase will be a brief one, folks. See ya next time.
ps. Dear heck, does that mean I have to go back to DA to update everything in the descriptions too?! (O_o)!!!
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once again 'boss tell me more than one day in advance when you want me to work' challenge
#like its better than springing it on me the day of#but also im autistic and when ive entirely planned out what im going to work on tomorrow#it makes the brainworms very frustrated and overwhelmed when i suddenly have to change everything to work a 6 to 8 hour shift#like i need the money and my only plans were revisions to my book#so its not the end of the world that ive gotta work tomorrow morning#i would just really like it if he'd give me more than fucking 12 hours warning 😫#so my dumbass brain will stop wanting to cry for literally the most simple of changes
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wirsch and hambsgans found dead in seattle
#(have i made this post before?)#it’s a metaphor hazel grace#or rather it’s a metaphor gregory?#idk imaoooo#this is only funny if you’ve read the bomb#or maybe it’s only funny to me#anyways news: i’m like? kinda? done with pt2 l#like i’ve written the ending basically#i still have to finish up some stuff in between and then there’s the final edits but yay and all that#writing out of order is always funny bc i know the ending and then i’m writing a fresh scene that happens before it#i’m saying this as i could rewrite a million things before it’s actually released#but most of the parts feel done (?) i just gotta get writing the scenes i haven’t written yet#of which there are… idk a few?#there’s one main one towards the end and then if i get any more ideas for additional scenes#idk i need the main scene done and i need to clean up some of the other unfinished scenes and then revise it#but she’s coming along!#i was worried writer’s block would kick my ass but nah not really#if anything i have that going for me i guess lol#hopefully my writing steak continues#manifesting 🕯️🕯️🕯️#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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another evening another instance of me helping other people instead of doing stuff i have to do for tomorrow hhhh
#i have an exam and a test#but my roommate broke down crying became she can't do anything for her test that she has tomorrow#reasonable me wanted to say that she literally spent this week watching movies and tiktoks ans lying in bed so that's why#but the part of me who thinks of her as my best friend despite everything got up and sat with her to revise that shit#didn't get a thank you. didn't do anything for my exam. but at least i have a clear conscience i guess#because* not became goddammit autocorrect#anyway i can already feel the anxiety attack i am going to go through tomorrow during the exam mmmmm#that always happens when i can't do something on a test#gotta love university#she was crying because 1. her test tomorrow and 2. she didn't start any of the 3 projects that are due this week#and now im. battling with thoughts what to do about that#do i send her my finished projects for her to just change numbers and submit it#do i sit down with her and do it#or do i do nothing#sigh problems on top of problems#I don't want to be that person now who says that IVE BEEN SAYING that she needs to do the projects earlier instead of going who knows where#because with her current state it's only gonna get worse#but mannnn#she really should've at least start these instead of chilling these last 3 months
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#hfffffff okay i spent fucking hours rambling in that ao3 comment lmao i wanted to apologize for that but#i dont wanna give the author a reason to reply or guilt them into reading the whole thing lol#i hate having anxiety#bc it means sometimes i cant be like 'haha that was hot' without feeling like im not doin my job as a reader#but then when i start writing a longer comment i gotta give reasons why i liked something#and before u know it im typing my whole lifes story and thats a book no one wants to read. least of all in the comments on their 50k fic#i took out so many paragraphs and revised it no less than 20 times but probably more i wasnt counting#i dont think ive ever put a comment that long but it required backstory to explain something and also how i was surprised at#...being sold in the first chapter when i was already predisposed to not wanna read the fic in the first place#god its fucking 130am ive been typing for hours#sleep has not occurred to me bc ive been in 'middle of a task' mode since like 8pm#anxiety really is a motherfucker lmao ughhhhhhh#fuckin verbose as hell lmao hate that abt myself no one wants to read my essays lol#shouldve spent at least 3 of those hours workin on my fics but alas i have time blindess and only saw 2 time jumps#anyway gonna hope my sleeping pills kick in fast#lol its probably pain. the reason why im so on edge for the past few days and especially today since i couldnt really relax#i hate being so anxious all the time but what can i do lol nothing has helped me long term#oh here we fucking go lmao im writing another essay in the tags yeah i gotta hit the pen or something to chill or the pills aint gonna help#delete later / /#i swear i dont mean to but i blink and ive written an essay it happens without doing it consciously
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the one constant of end of term is the sheer amount of chocolate it involves
#the highest chocolate density is now at the end of the summer term#bc everyone is bringing in chocolates to work and the children give you chocolates as presents and there's so many biscuits at work#add to that the end of term exhaustion-no-groceries and i gotta say#i have been living off sugar and yoghurt#the next highest chocolate density is at the end of the autumn term#bc yknow people give out lotsa treats at christmas#but there's also stuff that is treats that's not chocolates#unfortunately the end of the spring term does not bring a lot of chocolate#but like it's a short term it's over before we really know it yknow#i'll come back to this post and revise it next year when i'm at a new workplace but i feel quite confident in my assumptions right now#tomorrow i intend to sort my flat out which hopefully will mean living off things that are NOT yoghurt and sugar. but. we'll see#text post#my post#teaching
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I’m getting kinda feral about Ryuki today so I wanna bring up something else
Since the entire Ryuki side of the story is pretty much just everything he tells Mizuki about what happened 6 years ago, this begs the question: is his summary including the parts that are from the future, or is this just a writing error?
It’d make sense if it was just an error like. First off if Ryuki could see the future that’d be a whole mess, plus the future he’s seeing here isn’t even in the right timeline, it’s all what happens on the B side. Plus, the whole twist of not knowing what the proper timeline is is already a pretty iffy twist because it’s only a twist to the player, not to the characters. Since it’s kinda flimsy to begin with, I can see how the writers could’ve just completely fucking forgotten to fix the Ryuki side to make sense with this twist. They kinda forgot about Ryuki a lot in the second half of the game after all and a lot of the writing around him is messy as hell so I can believe it
But, let’s pretend this all WAS intentional, that Ryuki DID include information about the future in his story to Mizuki. This would go perfectly with the idea that Ryuki is a frayer and that he’s being haunted by knowledge from the past and future and is incapable of distinguishing the two. It’s already true that Ryuki has trouble telling what year it is (during the practice launch on the Mizuki side we see Ryuki in a trance waiting for Shoma to get off the ferris wheel even though that’s an event that happened 6 years ago, Ryuki makes constant references to Date being disappointed in him,etc) so it’d make sense if he got his wires majorly crossed when telling Mizuki what he remembers about the case from 6 years ago. If this is the case, then Ryuki’s powers can extend across not just past and future, but also multiple timelines
It’s not like Ryuki is the only one with this power. Date remembers when he was hospitalized in the Mizuki route during the true ending and gets confused about why he’s remembering things that never happened. Mizuki is able to remember Jin being referred to as the almighty despite her not hearing about it in that timeline. But it is interesting that Ryuki is the only one who seems to be plagued by his knowledge. The other two protagonists will be just kinda weirded out by their ability to know things that didn’t happen, but they recover pretty quickly. Ryuki though, he doesn’t know what timeline he’s in and he’s constantly speaking and thinking in riddles and drowning himself in liquor to forget everything and is only able to function in the A side BECAUSE the somnium failed and he wasn’t able to remember tearer’s true identity
Basically Ryuki cursed with evil timeline powers and it makes me wonder if he’s an unreliable narrator on purpose or on accident and honestly, I don’t know if I wanna know
Had an epiphany last night and I haven’t seen anyone talk about this (maybe because it could be just so obvious no one felt the need to but shhh) but look here at the veeeery beginning of the aini flowchart
We got the Ryuki somnium as the first split and as we know, this split happens based on whether or not you (or ryuki in this case) know the name of Tearer. You can only get the Mizuki side of the story if you have played the Ryuki side and have heard Tearer’s name. The somnium will also be much more complex and dangerous
So essentially on the B side, the psync is unsuccessful. Mizuki doesn’t really help Ryuki, and she barely learns anything about the hb case. Ryuki is left in the same mentally unstable state he was before, and he can’t hold a conversation without babbling and laughing maniacally. This leaves Mizuki to do her investigation without any of the past help at all, which is how the true route of the story is supposed to go
This isn’t anything new, we know this. What I do wanna revisit is the A side, where Ryuki doesn’t remember Tearer. The psync is actually successful and the results are significantly different than the B side. Ryuki sobers up and is able to tell Mizuki everything that happened to him 6 years ago. So basically the Ryuki route (the parts from 6 years ago) is everything that he’s telling to Mizuki
This means that there’s a whole separate version of the story in this timeline where Mizuki learns everything about the past, including what happened to Date. And what’s getting me feral about this is. How did the investigation proceed afterwards??? Did the two of them work together to finish the case? Did Mizuki get a chance to mourn Date? Did she lash out at Ryuki? Did Ryuki even mention his involvement with Tearer or Bibi’s existence at all? How would everything had changed if they worked together?
IM GOING INSANE I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE A SIDE TIMELINE DAMMIT-
#aitsf#I AM BEING PLAGUED WITH THEORIES ABOUT MY MAN RYUKI AAAAAAAAA GOD#my theory here is that okay i fully think this was a writing error the whole inconsistency shit like i fully think the writers forgot that#the entire ryuki side is supposed to be everything that ryuki is choosing to tell mizuki because this isnt the only plot hole#its hard to explain this but theres another big one that happens in the final branch where basically the 2nd chapel and shoma and mames#relationship is revealed to mizuki date twice in the same timeline its really funny#BUT despite the fact that this seems to be an error i think the frayer shit is still completely true so its an error that kinda works out#i think the reason ryukis powers are so busted is because hes got the tc perge shit so the disease basically makes people see all across#time and makes them unable to function properly and lose their grip on reality#which is fine and all but lol gotta say i love the idea that ryuki just. is busted for no apparent reason cuz aaaa i do kinda have beef with#the plot point of ryuki secretly having the virus the whole time cuz its kinda a cop out and also like#he literally has hallucinations before hes even infected so it feels kinda pointless at that point#plus like its perfectly easy to believe that someone as traumatized as ryuki would simply just be horrible mentally unstable so i don’t like#how they gave him perge cuz it feels like an easy fix to his problems and thats lame to me like i mean they say some shit like#‘oh ryuki was mentally ill before he was infected’ but there is still just this implication that hes fixed now which is. ooooof#but anyways yeah i realized this instead of sleeping last night and im like YESSSSSSS cuz it works so nicely with my aini revisions#a project that ive put completely on hold so i could work on the shinji project but hnnnghh im like feral rn cuz MAN I LOVE RYUKI#and im realizing the problem with ryuki is that hes literally an akane but hes forced to be a junpei alsjks#specifically a ztd Junpei 😩#please read this post guys im so passionate 🥺💙💙
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And I Love Her
Sam Winchester x Reader
The reader and Dean are being tortured by Gordon Walker because of her relationship with Sam, and all they can do is hope he'll get there in time.
Word Count: 1.5k
Tags: Torture, graphic depictions of being cut into, descriptions of gore and severe bodily harm, Sam Winchester is out of character depending on who you ask
Characters: Sam Winchester, Reader, Dean Winchester, Gordon Walker
@ghostlyaccurate requested: "Hii! Can I request a Dean and/or Sam Winchester (sepperate) x fem! Reader set in season two, with an established relationship, where it's like when Gordon kidnaps Dean, but instead of just Dean he also kidnaps reader. (I can imagine if it's a Dean x reader Gordon uses reader to get Dean to not try anything, and if it's a Sam x reader Sam just going even more ballistic than he originally does in the show). Thank you!!"
Read it on AO3!
A/N: Beatles title. My first Sam fic! Honestly, it was really hard writing this one for some reason, and after five revisions I'm still not completely in love with it. Regardless, I hope you enjoy, and heed the warnings! Do not read if this will make you uncomfortable!
Sam Winchester Masterlist | Supernatural Masterlist | Main Page Masterlist
Gordon stared blankly at the wall in front of him while you tugged at the ropes on your wrists. A bandana was tied tightly around your mouth that tasted like dirt and your own blood. Dean was tied up to the left of you in a similar state, and both of you were staring down Gordon like it would kill him.
Traps lined every entrance from the doors to every small crack in the wall. Sam was powerful, but you doubted he could break through solid brick. Grenades, tripwire, even a shotgun trap that looked like something straight out of a movie; Gordon wanted Sam dead at all costs.
You knew your boyfriend would come to you and Dean’s rescue, but damn was this cutting it close. Gordon had already tried his best with Dean, but when it was your turn, he took his sweet-ass time.
He punched you, kicked you, even spit on you. Now, you tried your best to not scream as he dragged a knife against the soft flesh between your neck and shoulder.
You failed.
Biting down on the bandana, a muffled scream ripped through your lungs. You tried focusing on Dean, but he wouldn’t meet your eyes which were spilling over with more tears than you thought were in your body.
You could feel your blood dripping down your back and your chest, slithering its way to the floor as Gordon wiped his blade with the rag in his back pocket. He wrenched your head to the side, forcing the fresh wound close and for more tears to streak down your face.
He repeated his process on you a few times.
Your arms.
Your hands.
Your legs.
Every time somehow hurt more than the last, the hunter pulling open your skin and snapping it back together like a rubber band. Your vision was spotty, but you held steadfast to the thought that your boyfriend would be here any minute to save the day like he always did.
Gordon took a step back, wiping sweat and blood from his face and arms. He looked down at you with a glare that you’ve held plenty of times for the less-than-human creatures in the world. You guessed that, in his eyes, you, Sam, and Dean, were held in a similar regard.
Snaps.
Taunts.
Cracks.
Screams.
All because you fell in love with someone born under a bad sign.
You didn’t regret meeting Sam. Kissing him, falling for him, even the idea of just having him in your life was enough for your mind to justify the situation you were in. It wasn’t his fault you were having your life drained out of you minute by minute, and you hoped he would be smart enough to know that.
“Sam’s going to be here any minute, you know. Gotta convince himself he’s the hero of this story, and I’m the big,” Gordon turned to you, knife in hand, “bad, evil dragon. But I’m not the one with demon blood, am I, Y/N?” He placed the edge of the blade against the bottom of your chin. You could feel the cold steel heavy against your skin, and any sudden move would surely spill even more of your blood.
Dean glared at Gordon, his face shades of purple and blue, which mirrored the pain you felt along your entire body. Gordon dug the knife into the bottom of your chin, piercing your skin ever so slightly, but not enough to fatally wound you. Your mind was trying hard to hold onto the cracks of reality that remained in your vision; the smell of the dingy house you were in, the feeling of the carpet making contact with your boots, anything that wouldn’t send your consciousness reeling over was enough of an anchor for you to hang onto.
Gordon walked away from the two of you, returning to his position of peering out one of the boarded-up windows in wait for Sam. You glanced at Dean, which granted you a glance back from him. His eyes were dry, but they held enough behind them to let you know what he was thinking. Sam was going to burst into this booby-trapped hellhole, and Dean could do nothing but blame himself.
It’s all your fault, really, a thought that smashed through what you knew was the truth said.
This isn’t any of our faults, you told it back, wanting to tell Dean the same. Sam wasn’t to blame for the two of you being taken, and neither of you was at fault for being used as bait; it all landed in the hands of the rogue hunter who deemed himself holier-than-thou.
Though you couldn’t see yourself, you knew you were starting to resemble a bloody pulp more than a human being. Dean could barely look your way for longer than a second, and deep cuts that surged whether you moved or not continued to scrape away at your consciousness.
Gordon disappeared, and as you tried to turn your head to follow him, you felt a burning pain across your chest. Highlighted by a spurt of blood splattering over your thighs, you wanted to vomit. The top of your head started to feel like it was being lifted off from the rest of your skull, and the black spots in your vision connected at the edges of your eyes.
You grunted, head going slack and opening wounds on the back of your neck. Either spit, blood, or bile dripped out of your mouth, but at that moment you didn’t care- the black at the corners of your eyes bled together, and all you could do was limply hope Sam would find you.
You blinked, slowly, noticing light creeping in from the boarded-up windows. The second thing you noticed was the searing pain in your body, coupled with grunting and what you could guess was a well-landed punch.
“Y/N!” Someone called out to you, but you could barely lift your head to meet their voice. The bandana in your mouth was pulled away and hands cupped your face, warming your skin that was ice cold after losing so much blood.
The hands left your face and moved to the ropes at your wrists, cutting them off quickly and placing your arms in your lap. You forced your eyes up high enough to see it was your hero, Sam, standing before you with tears starting to fill his eyes. If your face would’ve let your smile, you would’ve, but every movement flashed the memory of Gordon cutting into you.
Gordon.
“Where’s-” You managed to sputter out through a sore jaw and a severely dry mouth.
“Dead,” Sam answered coldly. For the first time, you noticed his knuckles were a hue of bright purple, complimented with blood splattering up his arm. Sam moved your arms around his neck and picked you up as gently as he could.
“Dean’s already in the car patching himself up. I’m going to try and lay you down in the back seat so we can get to the closest hospital. I left Gordon in the room by the first door, so keep your head to my chest if you don’t want to see him, okay?” He asked softly. The tears that were in his eyes had faded slightly, but you could see the emotions he’d no doubt try to hide later on. Regret, blame, guilt - the more he looked at you, the more you could sense that your battered state was tearing away at his consciousness. You wanted to reach out, hold his face, and tell him you’d be okay, you’d survived worse, that it wasn’t his fault, but your thoughts were halted by Sam stepping past Gordon’s body.
If you could call it a body, that is.
His nose was sunken into his face enough that his eyes were slightly popping out of their sockets. His mouth had more gums than teeth, which were scattered around the room. He was lying against a dresser, and his limbs were spread out in the wrong directions. You thought you saw a bone, but before you could look closer, Sam turned and shut the door behind you.
Sam laid you across the back seats of the Impala, trying his best to be gentle with the abhorrent number of cuts across your body. You couldn’t guess how the hospital wasn’t going to ask questions, but you hoped the brothers would figure that out. Your head laid in Sam’s lap, and he looked out the window as Dean buried Gordon.
“Sam,” you slowly moved one of your arms to his face, bringing his attention to you, “thank you. You saved us both. You had to do what you had to do.”
Sam smiled but still didn’t say a word as he dipped down and planted a gentle kiss on your forehead.
You wanted to be able to tell him everything your racing mind was coming up with but were beaten by the overwhelming need to not move. Dean climbed into the front seat, beating the gas pedal to the floor and hitting the highway as Sam ran his fingers comfortingly through your hair.
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also figuring out more stuff for the JDK villains and going "yeah artie & apollo are like Team Rocket vibes, except one of them is actually an evil mastermind and doesn't want anyone, even their bosses, to know". the ideal way to tell the story is that you think they're the two most incompetent, low-level minions on the totem pole and then you realize Apollo has been orchestrating things from the beginning
#oc: artemis cindra#oc: apollo cindra#like yeah Artie is very much a villain too but theyve also just let Pol walk all over them their entire lives#so its over the course of the story that Artie goes 'actually...i wanna be good :('#im still working out the vibes for the main 3 acolytes#theyre all gonna be extra and i gotta do big revisions to their toyhouse descriptions now#my thought is that nightshade specifically looked for the 3 most Theater Kid motherfuckers she could for minions#really digging my idea that JDK will be thriller/comedy#like bad things are happening and murders are being committed#but also look at these clown villains who want to have the attention on them 24/7#os: cardinal values
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