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airenyah · 4 months ago

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A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 9

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

Yeah, I don't really have any introductory words to say on this one except... ENJOY <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: On their road trip through the country, Fadel and Style ran into an interesting pair and got involved in their (pre-)marital dispute. Style finally figures out what exactly Fadel is mad about and makes him a promise.

No. 1: A Stylish Death

Once more, Style and Fadel are on the road. Fadel finally took Style's advice from the end of episode 7 to heart and is currently taking a nap on the backseat of the car instead of threatening Style non-stop. Style turns his head to check on him, then shakes his head and looks back to the road, his expression amused. It's my personal headcanon that he finds it just as funny and ridiculous (affectionate) how bad of a kidnapper Fadel is as we the fandom do. What kidnapper just sleeps peacefully while letting their victim drive them around in a car without supervision? Speaking of headcanons, you know how there's been talk about where exactly Style got the sunglasses from all of a sudden? My mom suggested that they could be Bison's and that they just happened to lie around in the car, but it's my headcanon that Style actually nicked them from Jimmy and Popcorn's house. He probably found the glasses somewhere around the house and charmed the two of them into giving them to him before he and Fadel left.

Anyway, the radio cuts out and Style ends up finding a photo of some mysterious guy in the glove compartment in search of CDs. To be honest, I don't think Style is all that jealous in this moment (I think he'd know if there was a love rival he needed to worry about, I think he can read Fadel well enough by now), but I do think he's very confused and intrigued. Because Fadel did tell him four episodes ago that he didn't have any past lovers. And only the night before (I assume) they had a chat in which Style mentions that he doesn't know Fadel's past. And I think Style wants to know. About Fadel's past and now about the guy in the photo specifically, because that guy is likely connected to Fadel's past, too. Which Style wants to know about.

But right in that moment, Fadel wakes up. Style quickly throws the photo back into the compartment, slams it shut and immediately ropes Fadel into a conversation so that Fadel doesn't even have the time to ask what Style was doing in case he saw anything. Fadel starts telling Style about Bison's parents' island and house and Style hopes his best friend is still alive. The only thing Fadel has to say about that is: "I can’t guarantee that. You’ll have to find out for yourself." That's not a very reassuring answer. "Can’t you at least lie to make me feel better?" Style asks. Language fun fact, Style's reply actually goes more like:

Can't you give me some hope, please? มึงให้ความหวังกูหน่อยก็ได้ป่ะ [mueng - hâi - kwaam wăng - guu - nòi - gôh dâai - bpà] you - give - hope - me - a little (please) - [particle] - ?

Then Style asks for a quick stop at a clothes store because "I’ve been wearing [your clothes] this whole time, and it’s getting disgusting" and I just love that @panncakes was spot on when they said:

im just saying style is obviously not wearing his own shirt in episode 8 and since fadel had time to prepare for this search mission he obviously brought essentials including spare sets of clothing and baggy black does scream fadel; so im just going to assume fadel has style Who He's Definitely Killing Soon running around in his own clothing because you can't have a dead man running around in day old dirty clothes obviously and not because sharing clothes is becoming their Thing

In a bit we will see that Style actually is wearing a shirt that we've seen Fadel wear before on the show.

They start bickering, because Fadel isn't in the mood to go shopping for clothes, but Style fights for his will by joking about Fadel killing him and going on a very Style-like monologue about wanting to be a good-looking corpse. When he's done monologuing, he turns his head and throws Fadel a side glance to check if it worked.

It did.

No. 2: You Better Run, Better Run, Faster Than His Bullet

It worked. Despite Fadel's reluctance they are now standing in a clothes store on Style's request and that makes 3/3 series that JoongDunk have gone to a clothes store in. I'm starting to wonder if looking at clothes together on camera is in their contracts. Maybe the real sunflowers were the clothes stores we made along the way. (Yes, I am still waiting for a JD sun flower Easter egg. Since sun flowers were such a big thing in both their previous works and their mascot is a sunflower too.) Anyway, so Fadel caved and let Style go shopping for clothes after all, because when does Fadel not give in to Style and Style is hyped. They bicker some more and Style finally calls Fadel out for being a bad kidnapper while at the same time using the opportunity to pointedly call himself Fadel's boyfriend and just as pointedly call Fadel his own boyfriend again as well. Just listen to how much he stresses the word "faen". Actually, let me just share a more literal translation again, because he doesn't just throw around the word "boyfriend" two but three whole times in Thai:

Right now I feel more like a boyfriend. ตอนเนี่ยรู้สึกเหมือนแฟนมากกว่า [dton nîia - rúu-sèuk - mĕuuan - faen - mâak gwàa] (right) now - feel - like - boyfriend - more Official subs: I feel like a boyfriend. It's/You're like a boyfriend who accompanies his boyfriend while shopping. เหมือนแฟนมาเฝ้าแฟนช้อปปิ้งอ่ะ [mĕuuan - faen - maa - fâo - faen - chóp-bpîng - àh] like - boyfriend - come - watch over, care - boyfriend - shopping - [particle] Official subs: This feels like going shopping with my boyfriend.

(The italicized boyfriends indicate which boyfriends Style pointedly stresses.)

Last episode, Fadel claimed twice that he and Style weren't boyfriends/a couple after Style referred to them as such. Now Style is calling them boyfriends again, but the only thing that Fadel debunks this time around is the claim that Style is his hostage. Fadel doesn't say a single word about them not being boyfriends. He ends his defense by claiming that Style doesn't hold enough value to be exchanged for anything and Style throws him a little nod like Sure Jan whatever you say.

Fadel continues to say "I'm just letting you find a little joy before I kill you" and that's interesting because:

I'm only letting you be a little happy before you die. กูแค่ให้มึงมีความสุขเล็กๆ น้อยๆ ก่อนตายเท่านั้นแหละ [guu - kâe - hâi - mueng - mii kwaam-sùk - lék lék nói nói - gòhn - dtaai - tâo nán - làe] I - just - let, give - you - be happy - little, small - before - die - only - [particle]

Let's compare with every other explicit death threat that Fadel has made to Style since he's kidnapped him:

Doesn't matter where [I'm taking you]. You'll be dead anyway. But before I kill you, I have to see my brother.

Once I find him, I'm going to kill you both.

One wrong move, I'm blowing your brain out.

If my car was stolen, not only would I kill you, I'd take a car from your garage.

Just because I let you do this doesn't mean I won't kill you, you know?

Do you see what's different all of a sudden? Yeah, that's right. Fadel threatened Style's life, but he did not say that he would be the one ending it. For once, Fadel did not say that he, Fadel, would be killing Style. The only other time he made a reference about Style being dead rather than him killing Style was the very first time he voiced an explicit death threat and that one was still followed by an "I kill you" in the very next sentence. Now, though? There is no "I (will) kill you" anywhere to be found. It's the same thing a few lines down: "You're going to die soon, what else do you want?" (Btw, I did check the Thai lines in the list above and in Thai he also says that he'll kill Style each time.)

I don't know if Style picks up on that subtle change in phrasing, but he certainly isn't as annoyed by and tired of the death threats anymore as he used to be. Instead, he now deals with them by making light of them, like earlier in the car when he insisted he wanted to be a good-looking corpse and now by asking Fadel to drop his dead body in a beautiful place so that at least his ghost could haunt nice places in nature. And what I love about this is that even though this is clearly meant more like a light-hearted joke, Style still sounds almost kind of genuine in his words. Because Fadel is "serious" about his death threats and so Style will also be serious about his dying wishes. And even though he doesn't believe that Fadel will actually kill him, Style still would rather haunt a beautiful place when he dies (even if it isn't at Fadel's hands). That part is genuine. However, Fadel ain't got no time for this particular wish. And so he threatens Style's life one more time by playing along with Style: "If you don't choose something right now, the only place you're haunting is this damn secondhand store."

Style stares at Fadel for a moment. Message received. It's time for Style to back down from being annoying or else Fadel will really lose his patience. And so Style turns his attention to the clothes rack, but not without showing Fadel how completely and utterly unimpressed he is by Fadel threatening death for the millionth time in the past 3-ish days. Style soon gets distracted from his performance when he notices a nice pair of shorts, which he grabs and then pointedly holds out to Fadel like There. I'm choosing something. Happy now?

Style seriously starts looking for something to wear after that and he's so focused on the clothes that he misses the way Fadel watches him with the most adoring look in his eyes. Style finds a top he likes and walks off to try it on. When he comes back to ask for Fadel's opinion on his outfit, Fadel points out that Style never really wears stripes:

But I don't really see you wearing striped clothes. แต่กูไม่ค่อยเห็นมึงใส่เสื้อลายทางนะ [dtàe - guu - mâi kôi - hĕn - mueng - sài - sêuua laai taang - ná] but - I - not really - see - you - wear - striped clothes - [particle] Official subs: I never saw you in stripes before.

Just wanted to make a little clarification, because in the subs Fadel actually says "I never saw you in stripes before" when Fadel actually has, in fact, seen Style in stripes. But "not really" and "never" isn't quite the same. In Thai Fadel implies that Style rarely wears stripes, not that he never wears stripes, and I think Style wearing stripes in front of Fadel three times in eight episodes is rare enough to be considered "not really".

Fadel taking note of this fact has Style quite satisfied, because Fadel is clearly paying attention to him. Then Style firmly tells Fadel "You can't kill me. You love me." and this stand-off really reminds me of the one in the storage room in episode 3 when Style tells Fadel "You won't [punch me]. You like me." Except this time Style is even more confident in his words. In fact, he knows he's right, because Fadel has had many perfect opportunities to kill him in the last couple of days, was actually close to killing him a few times and yet Style is still alive and kicking and actively being an annoying little menace in Fadel's life. And he also knows for a fact that Fadel is in love with him. He tested him in the bathtub and got a satisfactory result. Instead of being punched in the gut like last time, Style suddenly finds himself whirled around and on the ground, everything accompanied by the sound of gunshots.

From one second to the next, Style finds himself worrying about his his life again after he's finally managed to deal with his fear of death triggered by the pool incident. Somehow, Fadel and Style still have the time to bicker while Fadel fires off a few more gunshots and then they run to a different hiding spot. I do love how Style's first instinct the moment Fadel has dropped down on the ground next to him is to reach out to Fadel. And I love how Style doesn't even seem to be thinking about it, he just touches Fadel automatically, his hand seeks out Fadel almost out of reflex.

Fadel realizes he's out of bullets and blames Style who defends himself and then asks how they're gonna fight this guy. And once again we get to see how much of a helper Style is and how much of a need to fix things he has, because he immediately offers himself up as bait to distract the attacker. Fadel hates the idea, but Style insists. He's too helpful for his own good. Style gets in position to run, but turns back to Fadel for a moment when Fadel calls out Style's name a few times. Fadel tilts his head in disapproval like Are you fucking serious right now?! Style nods and blinks at him in a silent answer: Yeah. It'll be fine, don't worry. I got this. Then Style bravely runs off. His need to help overrides his fear of death.

Turns out Style cannot, in fact, outrun bullets. A bullet grazes him and he goes down. And at this point, let me just leave @secriden's observation here, because it totally hadn't occurred to me and it hurts me, so obviously I need to make it everyone else's problem, too:

[I]it is just deliciously dramatic that Style gets injured precisely dressed in the clothes he'd picked out so he could "at least die in something that's actually my style" and in the place Fadel said Style would haunt only minutes prior.

Fadel finds Style a minute or two later, once he's dealt with the attacker and they're both safe. Style says "It’s just a graze" and "This is nothing" and I'm not sure if he's saying this more to reassure Fadel or to reassure himself. His mouth says one thing, but his face sure says another.

Whatever brave face Style was putting on a moment ago disappears once Fadel starts wrapping his own shirt around Style's injury. Style goes down, clearly in pain. And I'm left wondering... Is that it? Is this why we've been counting Style around guns? Was it foreshadowing to Style getting shot? Only time will tell.

No. 3: Treating the Wounded

Somehow Fadel gets Style onto Bison's island. I wonder how far away they were at the point of Style being shot and how long it took for them to arrive on the island. Style is weak and pale and yet the first and also only thing out of his mouth is "Kant… You're alive. I'm happy to see that". Kant's death is a worry that Style has carried around ever since that morning at the hospital right before Fadel ambushed him and now that I think about it, this worry must have also played a part in Style's fear of and about death last episode. But Kant is alive. His best friend is alive. And that's all that matters through the pain right now.

Kant wants to help but Fadel immediately yells at him to let go of Style the moment Kant grabs Style's arm. I'm sure Style would have been cool with Kant also helping him, but Style currently doesn't have the energy to talk back to Fadel. Fadel continues to lead him towards the house and at one point as they're walking we see Style shut his eyes for a moment in a way that has me wonder if for a second his vision went blurry and/or if he's feeling dizzy from the pain and the shock of the injury:

Once at the house, Bison stitches Style back up while Fadel helps and acts as Style's moral support. I'm not sure how many details of what is happening here will be retained in Style's memory as his brain is certainly too busy with keeping him alive through the pain.

No. 4: Bestie Talk

Style wakes up in a bed and Kant finds him only a minute later with painkillers. Style first voices his relief that he himself didn't die from the shock of the surgery, followed by his relief that Kant isn't a corpse either. Kant's potential death really is something that was weighing him down. But Kant's alive! And he even told Bison about everything! Style can't believe his ears. How in the world is Kant still alive, then? Kant says "He loves me" and Style goes "Ohhhhhhhhh" while I go "The power of love, huh?" and then Style goes "The power of love, alright" and I die of laughter at how predictable Style's words were. Style, believer in the power of love, is very happy that his prediction was right, is very happy for his friend and his happiness. Kant continues "I love him, too. I'll do anything to keep him alive" and Style asks "And how are you going to do that? This mess is getting out of hand. It's not just the cops who are after them, but someone else clearly wants them dead" and it's interesting, because so far in their 1:1 scenes it was always Style being the optimistic one, the hopeful one, the dreamer while Kant kept things realistic and had a more pessimistic outlook on life. This time, though, it's the other way around. This time Style hits Kant with the realism. And it makes sense, because it was also Style who got hit by a real bullet. Style has felt and is actually currently feeling the very real consequences of "I'll do anything to keep him alive". One moment you think you can outrun a bullet, the next you almost die on a make-shift surgery table.

Kant says he doesn't exactly know how he's going to go about it, but that his heart is already in it. Style looks away, clearly thinking about something, then raises his eyebrows and nods.

"My heart is already in this." Style knows. Oh, how well Style knows that feeling. The feeling of wanting to do something, anything in the world for the well-being and safety of your hitman boyfriend. He's been feeling like this for a long time now. If we're being honest, Style has felt like this since all the way back in episode 5 where he told Kant "How would I even get through this? I compromised my whole body, and if we're being honest, I've already compromised half of my heart, too. I'm worried about him now" in that locker room. But back then things were going great for Style. Fadel had finally given him a chance and was happily dating Style while Style was falling in love with him more and more despite knowing his true identity. Back then, things were great. Now, though? Not so much. One moment Fadel threatens him with death, the next moment Fadel saves him from death. Style is happy that everything worked out well for his beloved bestie and his hitman boyfriend, but he himself is quite confused at the mixed signals he's getting from his own hitman: "Meanwhile, my chances are 50-50. He's hot and then cold. He loves me and then he doesn't. I honestly can't keep up with him." And I don't think the 50-50 refers to there being a 50-50 chance on whether Fadel will kill him or not. I think by now everyone and their mother knows that Fadel absolutely cannot bring himself to take Style's life no matter how hard he tries (and how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise) and Style is very much aware of it. He even called Fadel out on it at the store. No, I think the 50-50 is out on whether Fadel will forgive him and whether Fadel is willing to give Style another chance. Style knows Fadel loves him, but is the love he has also enough to let Style in again? Is it enough to put his walls down for Style again? And besides, apart from saving Style's life a few times, ever since Fadel found out the truth Fadel hasn't exactly been treating Style in a way that makes Style feel loved and appreciated while Style has done nothing but show his love and appreciation for Fadel. Fadel hasn't exactly shown that he really cares about Style. Style made it very clear that despite Fadel nearly taking his life at the pool, he still loved Fadel and was even willing to sleep with him anyway and Fadel just handcuffed him to the bed in return and told Style he didn't trust him. Style cried from trauma and the only consolation Fadel gave him was "don't be dramatic" and "I don't wanna listen". Style voiced genuine concerns about being murdered and Fadel came back with approval of Style's murder. Style called them boyfriends and Fadel returns with yet another death threat. Those aren't exactly bright prospects for Style and no matter how much Style stays in good spirits, deep down it's gotta hurt, too. Fadel may love Style enough not to kill him, but does he even care about him at all as well?

But Kant has an outside perspective and sees things that Style doesn't see. And from that perspective it looks like Fadel absolutely does care: "But from what I saw, he had your hands clasped in his so tightly. And the way he looked at you was exactly how I looked at Bison at the hospital." Style looks away again, even more lost in thought this time around as he contemplates Kant's words and thinks about Fadel holding his hand through the surgery as well as his relationship with him. Kant's words should come as good news, but Style still looks rather downhearted.

It may seem a little odd that our usual confident, optimistic, hopeful boy is suddenly discouraged. However, I think it makes sense. Style knows that Fadel loves him, but he hasn't exactly been treating Style in a way that makes Style actually feel that love (not killing Style and saving his life is kind of the bare minimum at this point, let's be real). Not to mention, there are also many things that we, the viewers, see from an outside perspective, but Style himself doesn't see them, like when Fadel nearly reached out to Style when Style was crying, or the look of adoration Fadel was watching Style with at the clothes store, or the concern Fadel showed while Bison was stitching Style up. But for the last incident, there was someone there to witness the outside perspective and finally Style learns how Fadel looks when Style's not looking. And that makes Style think. Fadel does seem to care. And Kant's words also serve to reconfirm that Style is right about Fadel loving him, but is that love enough to make Fadel want to be with Style again? After all, Style still has to work for Fadel's forgiveness. And I think that's why Style ultimately isn't all that convinced by Kant's words, because what good does the knowledge that Fadel loves him do, when there's a chance Fadel still won't take him back? What good does the knowledge that Fadel does care do, when it only happens in moments where Style is missing out on it? When it only happens in moments where that care doesn't properly reach Style?

Kant can tell that his friend is still unhappy, so he changes the topic to something more cheerful: "Thanks, though, for risking your life looking for me." This has Style genuinely laughing again as he says "I don’t need your gratitude." Another interpretation of this line is actually:

No need to get so touching, dude. ไม่ต้องมาซึ้งเลยมึง [mâi dtông - maa - séung - loiie - mueng] no need - come - touching, deep - [particle] - you

I think this is a little more coherent with Kant teasing Style about saying "I love you" afterwards, but that might also just be me. Anyway, Style and Kant bicker a bit and Kant accidentally causes pain to Style's injured arm. When they stop bickering, Style, who is in a bit of a better mood again after feeling a down about Fadel only moments before, now really wants to know alllll the tea he's missed while he was busy surviving the pain of the surgery: "When [Fadel] had my hand in his, how did he look at me?"

Kant goes into a dramatic reenactment for Style until they both break away laughing about how weird the thought of the two of them (Kant and Style) to kiss is. Once they've calmed down, Kant repeats that Fadel is worried about Style. Style smiles to himself, getting lost in thought again. It's still not an entirely happy smile, because Style still has a way to go to earn Fadel's forgiveness and Fadel still needs to make it clear in return that he does care about Style and appreciates him in a way where Style can actually see or feel it, but Style is definitely more hopeful again compared to earlier in the conversation. Maybe there is a chance Fadel is willing to give Style another chance after all. Maybe there really is still hope that Style will get his boyfriend back and that said boyfriend will also start treating him accordingly again. Maybe things aren't so bleak after all.

No. 5: Over My Dead Body

However, things take a dark turn when Style walks in on the love of his life holding his best friend at gunpoint. Style missed the beginning of the confrontation, so technically he doesn't really have context, but he also doesn't really need it, because he knows exactly what grudge Fadel is holding. No need to ask. Besides, the day they were playing with the BB guns Fadel already told Style "Kant has to deal with me. He started all this, after all." And now Fadel is making good on that promise.

But Style has been so worried about Kant's safety for so many episodes already and especially ever since Kant got kidnapped and now that Style's finally got his best friend back, alive, and he is not going to watch his (not-)boyfriend kill him in front of his very own eyes and so he shouts at Fadel not to hurt Kant. However, Kant is ready to accept his fate. But before he dies, Fadel needs to know that Style is innocent: "But Style has nothing to do with this. I lied to get him roped into this." Remember the word หลอก [lòhk] from last episode? Yeah, it makes an appearance again. Just so you know:

I deceived my friend one more time. ผมหลอกเพื่อนผมมาอีกทีนึงอ่ะ [pŏm - lòhk - pêuuan pŏm - maa - ìik tii nueng - àh] I - trick, deceive - my friend - [past tense marker] - one more time again - [particle]

(If you didn't read my ep8 meta: this word means "to trick" or "to deceive" and it came up A LOT during ep8. Lots of tricking and deceiving happening on this show. Who would have thought.)

But Style is not cool with Kant's sacrifice. "Don't you dare take all the credits," Style scolds him. And here, have the Thai version too, because it made me laugh:

Don't be cool all by yourself. มึงอย่าเท่คนเดียวดิวะ [mueng - yàa - têh - kon diieow - dì - wá] you - don't - (be) cool - alone, by yourself - [particle] - [particle]

Style won't let Kant to this alone. If Kant has to die, so does Style. And he makes that very clear to Fadel: "If you're going to kill him, kill me, too." Style's voice sounds angry when he says this and this is interesting, because Style hasn't really been properly angry with Fadel ever since he found himself tied up at the pool. Sure, Style got annoyed and he was even really done with Fadel at some points, but Style was never angry with Fadel, he never held any of what Fadel said or did to him against Fadel. No, instead of getting angry, Style just went with it and often met Fadel with kindness and love instead. But now that his best friend's life is on the line, Style is finally truly angry at Fadel. Fadel can shoot Kant over Style's dead body. And with the many times Fadel has saved Style in the last couple of days, Style knows for a fact that his dead body is not something Fadel can bear to see. Even when Fadel himself is the one who wants Style dead.

Style continues: "Nobody forced me into this. I agreed to it willingly." Style could have gotten out of this mess at any point after he was informed of Fadel's real occupation and of what Kant's real mission was, but Style didn't. Style stayed. And he even stuck to Fadel's side all throughout episode 8 without running away which is something that he did willingly. Not because he was afraid of Fadel's gun. Fadel never really treated Style as an actual hostage apart from that one time he handcuffed Style to the bed and the few times he waved his gun in Style's face. Style had plenty of opportunities to make a run for it, especially when Fadel was napping in the car. But Style chose to stay. Nobody forced him to do anything, not Fadel during their road trip and also not Kant at any time before that. Style went along with everything by his own choice and of his own will. No one's made any decisions for Style. Style also has agency in this game.

Style underlines this point by dropping down on his knees and offering his life by his very own choice. "Don't you have a little sympathy? We've been through all these things together. Why did you bother stitching me up if you're going to end up killing me anyway? Why didn't you just let me die?" Style is still angry, but now his voice sounds more reproachful as well as desperate. Style's hurt is really starting to shine through. He has stuck to Fadel's side with unwavering loyalty these past few days, has shown over and over again that he's serious about Fadel and his feelings for Fadel, he's been nice to Fadel, has helped him, has followed his wishes, has even nearly given his life to protect Fadel in the store. And not a single time has Fadel shown any sign of appreciation or as much as acknowledgment. That hurts. Even more so, when Fadel then goes to murder Style's best friend as a thank you in return for all that Style has done for him. I think when Style asks "Don't you have a little sympathy?" the unspoken question is You don't care about me, despite all that I've willingly done for you? Style's next words are even more loaded: "Why did you bother stitching me up if you're going to end up killing me anyway? Why didn't you just let me die?" This is You do care about me, because if you really did hate me all that much you could have easily let me die back there and finally be rid of me, but you didn't. You couldn't bear to see me die. This is If you care about me and my life this much, then why do you keep treating me so coldly? This is You saved my life and now you're just gonna destroy it immediately after? Are you really this cruel?

As Style is kneeling there, I don't think he is scared for his own life, I don't think he expects Fadel to actually shoot him dead on the spot. I think Style feels fairly safe in this moment, but he is terrified for Kant's life. He knows that Fadel can't bring himself to kill Style, because he loves him too much, but Fadel doesn't feel the same way about Kant. In fact, Fadel feels quite the opposite about Kant. If Fadel kills Kant now, even if he spares Style, Style's life would still be ruined. No matter how much Style insists that he'll like Fadel no matter what, I think if Fadel kills his best friend (or any of Style's loved ones really, like his dad), I think that's the one exception to the rule. I do think they would not be able to come back from that.

This moment here is also the first time Style actually begs Fadel for mercy. Yes, back at the pool he also worked on Fadel not firing that life-ending shot, but back then Style was mostly angry and annoyed and only a little scared. Yes, he did ask Fadel not to kill him, but back then Style was begging for his life, not for mercy. Back then Style didn't ask Fadel to show compassion. But now Style is on his knees, desperately begging Fadel to be merciful, to show compassion, to really think things through. Fadel stares at him.

Fadel may not appreciate the loyalty Style has shown him over the last few days, but Kant very much does appreciate Style's loyalty and voices it, too: "I'm happy to have called you a friend." Style replies "Thank you for making my life such an adventure. It's been so goddamn fun, you know that?" and now tears start falling from his eyes as he's speaking. And what I love about this is despite how Style is crying and despite how upset he is in this moment and despite how terrified he is about their (Kant's) death, for Style his potential goodbye to Kant isn't a tragedy. No, it's a celebration. Style is upset and he is sad and he is desperate and afraid, but he smiles a genuine smile through his tears as he speaks his potential last words that Kant may get to hear from him. It's a celebration of their friendship. Style takes this tragic moment and turns it into a happy one. Because if death is inevitable, he at least wants to spend their (Kant's) dying moment in happiness and with good memories in mind. Kant acknowledges that celebration with a smile and a nod, which Style returns.

But Fadel stays stubborn. "How can we be sure you're not just fooling us again?" Style's smile and brief moment of happiness has disappeared when he replies to Fadel. "You think I'd risk my life for all this if I didn't really have feelings for you?" Style is still firm, but now all the anger from moments before is completely gone. Only hurt and despair is left. Style is asking Fadel All this time you never thought or cared to see my perspective, did you? He's telling Fadel I'm here before you, literally begging you on my knees and you are STILL not willing to believe a single word out of my mouth nor any of my actions. Style may always act like Fadel's continuous stabs at him just bounce right off, but at the end of the day it does hurt him that Fadel keeps pushing him away, keeps refusing to appreciate or at the very least acknowledge Style's genuine sincerity. Style's words are reproachful, like he's asking What else do I still need to do in order to prove to you that I'm being serious, no tricks? How much longer will you disregard my very real feelings? Are you really that stubborn? Is this really the hill you're going to die on?

Now Kant jumps in with a beg of his own to support Style: "People make mistakes. Won't you give me a chance? I really love your brother, and my friend really loves you. The two of us will do anything to make sure the two of you get the life you want." Fadel looks at Style after Kant says "The two of us will do anything to make sure the two of you get the life you want." Style has his eyes fixed on Fadel and despite Style still being tense and his breathing being shaky, the expression on Style's face is firm and determined. Style really meant every single thing he just said or did. And he is especially determined in his decision to die alongside Kant. Style is sending a couple of messages to Fadel here. He's saying Since you're always disregarding my own feelings on this matter anyway it really seems like you don't give a shit about me after all, so killing me in addition to Kant really shouldn't be a problem for you at all, so go on, do it. He's telling him If you kill him, you kill me too. If not physically, then at the very least emotionally. He's asking Won't you finally believe that I'm undoubtedly serious and honest about everything and especially about you?

Style is also observing Fadel, watching Fadel intently to see what he's doing, to see what his next move is going to be. Fadel, who was staring at Style, looks back to Kant, then throws Style another look.

And that's when he makes the decision to not to shoot. To put the gun away, instead. And that decision was without a doubt made for Style, not for Bison. I think Style's words (and especially also the unspoken ones) got to him and more importantly, he got to see Style's loyalty in full action. And that was crucial for Fadel to see, because if Style is this loyal to Kant, then if Style's love for Fadel is true, Fadel can expect the same loyalty from him down the line. In fact, Style actually has shown Fadel the same loyalty all along already, or else he wouldn't have followed Fadel to Bison's island, nor would he have thrown himself in the line of fire at the store to protect Fadel. Although I'm not sure Fadel is really ready to truly look at and acknowledge that in this moment.

Fadel puts the gun down and walks a few steps away. Both Bison and Style rush to Kant to check on him. Once Style has made sure Kant is alright, he looks to Fadel. Fadel is looking at him too.

Then Fadel looks at the rest and asks "Any of you allergic to seafood?" And yes, that comment is funny, but it's funny in a way that in German we call Situationskomik (= situational comedy, comedy of the situation). I really don't think Fadel is making a joke here (like. that is NOT the face of a man who is cracking a joke). No, I think this is a peace offering, actually. It's an unspoken peace offering, because cooking for someone else is a gesture of care. And instead of killing Kant, Fadel offers to cook for everyone which includes Kant.

No. 6: Encouragement

Style on the phone with his dad and I'm relieved, because I'd been worrying about his dad with Style suddenly disappearing just like that without a word. And I'm sooo so glad the series spent a moment on showing us the relationship between Style and his dad again. Like, of course Style is gonna call his dad so that his dad doesn't have to worry. Bison is concerned that Style's dad will be mad if Style shows up back home all banged up like that, but Style is confident he can come up with some superhero story and promises not to spill the beans on Fadel and Bison. Style and Bison have some friendly banter until Bison tells Style that Fadel wants to talk to him and said for Style to meet him at the beach. Style is suddenly worried that Fadel changed his mind and wants to shoot him after all, since Style had already offered as much when he was on his knees earlier that day.

I think we have well-established by now that there is no way Fadel is capable of killing Style, and as I mentioned, I think Style is confident in that, too. So I don't think Style thinks Fadel is actually planning to kill him for real, I think he's mostly just being overdramatic and exaggerating again. Bison then plays along and says "No way. The worst he'd do would be trying to drown you" and when Style blinks at Bison and stares at him in shock I think it's because Style doesn't immediately recognize that this is a joke. After all, he hasn't really spent all that much time with Bison, so he doesn't really know Bison and his humor all that well. So Style stares at Bison with big eyes, then tilts his head and squeezes his eyes a bit, trying to figure out whether Bison is being serious right now and if this is something Fadel would actually do (after all, Bison knows Fadel's killer side a hell of a lot better than Style does) or whether Bison is just joking. Bison notices Style's struggle and clears up that he's just kidding and that Fadel wouldn't do that. But it's already too late. Bison's got Style genuinely concerned now. Fadel has proven over and over again that he won't be shooting Style, but who said anything about drowning Style? It's a possibility that Style had not yet considered.

Bison laughs and asks if Style really does like Fadel. All the fear and worry from a second ago disappears instantly as Style firmly tells him "Whatever Kant feels about you, that's how I feel about your brother. If you understand him, you should be able to understand me." Style fell in love with Fadel in episode 5 and absolutely nothing that has happened since, and especially absolutely nothing that has happened since Fadel drugged him at the hospital has changed any about that. Style chose Fadel at the end of episode 5 and he is still very set on that decision.

Bison advises Style that Style needs to prove his feelings to Fadel and tells Style "He acts all tough and rough on the outside, but on the inside, he’s just a softie". Style laughs. He did get to see that for himself during that short time period where he and Fadel were actually happy in their relationship. Bison continues: "He never hesitates when he kills. So if you're still alive, that means he's got a soft spot for you." Again, I think this is something that Style has absolutely clocked already and even called out (both explicitly at the beginning of the episode when he said "You can't kill me. You love me" as well as implicitly whenever he was teasing Fadel, for example in his hitman-teerak monologue or when he quoted Popcorn's words and went "I deserve to die" and cockily leaned his head back to mimic giving his life over to Fadel), but I also think that it still hits kinda different to hear it from someone who first of all has an outside perspective on things and second of all who knows Fadel's killer side better than anyone, from someone who's seen over and over again what Fadel is like when he's murderous, from someone who can absolutely judge the difference. Which Style can't, because he's never seen Fadel actually kill anyone, even if he got close to witnessing it a few times.

Style had started to get discouraged, because Fadel just wouldn't budge and just wouldn't let Style back in and Style just kept hitting one wall after another. And we can't forget that Style spent a lot of time repeatedly hitting walls for the first four episodes already and even when Fadel let him in, Fadel never let him in 100% (only 80%) and so even then Style still came across walls. And I think on top of being discouraged, Style was also starting to get tired a bit. It must be quite exhausting to be this persistent, let's be real. There is only so much energy you can spend on running after someone who keeps pushing you away again and again and keeps being harsh to you. Fadel hasn't even talked to Style or checked on him since Style woke up after the surgery. As far as we're aware of, the only time they've talked since then was when Style was begging for mercy on his knees. So yeah. That sure is encouraging.

But first with Kant's optimism and now with Bison's support as well, Style is starting to feel like maybe not all is lost after all. Hesitantly, he asks Bison:

You think I still have hope? มึงว่ากูยังมีหวังอยู่ป่ะวะ [mueng - wâa - guu - yang - mii - wăng - yùu - bpà - wá] you - think - I - still - have - hope - [auxiliary verb] - ? - [particle] Official subs: You think… I have a chance?

Style is starting to get his hopes up a little bit again. Maybe Fadel will take him back and be nice to him again. Bison is absolutely convinced: "Go for it. After all you've risked your life for, what else do you even have to be scared of now?" Style looks towards the ground, uncertain. Yeah, what else could he be scared of?

Nothing, except Fadel potentially drowning him in the ocean instead of rejecting him like a normal person. Or, you know, just the rejection in general, even if it doesn't come with murder. Honestly, at this point I think Style is also lowkey nervous, because now he really does have (strong) feelings for Fadel and Fadel being willing to be his boyfriend (again. or still) matters more than anything this time around. What will Style do if Fadel rejects him again?

Bison taps his shoulder encouragingly and walks off. Style stays back, thinking everything over.

How is he going to proceed from here? Is he going to try yet again and risk running into another wall as always? Or is he just gonna let it go and finally leave Fadel alone?

No. 7: A Vow Fulfilled

Style does go to the beach. When he arrives, Fadel is already there which makes sense, since Bison did tell Style that Fadel wanted to talk to him at the beach. Except Fadel immediately snaps at Style about what Style is doing here and asks about Bison. Style informs him that Bison was actually the one who said Fadel wanted to talk to Style right here. I think based on Fadel's facial journey and the fact that he moves to walk right off, Style can tell that Bison lied, probably to get Fadel and Style to talk to each other. And now, with new found hope, Style does very much have something to talk to Fadel about. So he catches Fadel's arm and pulls him back, asking him to at least stay for a chat. Fadel isn't really convinced and Style hits him with a cheeky "I can't sleep unless I talk to you". He then hands Fadel a list of all the relatives he has in his life, because "I want you to be sure that I'm not lying to you again." And I'm just gonna drop the Thai line again, because – ding ding ding, you guessed it! Our favorite word หลอก [lòhk] from last episode makes an appearance again:

I want you to be confident that I won't deceive you again. กูอยากให้มึงมั่นใจว่ากูจะไม่หลอกมึงอีก [guu - yàak - hâi - mueng - mân-jai - wâa - guu - jà - mâi - lòhk - mueng - ìik] I - want - that - you - (be) certain, confident - that - I - will - not - trick, deceive - you - again

If you haven't read my ep8 meta, I would encourage you to go read at least sections 6, 9 and 10, so that you have context for its significance. Last episode Style figured out that having been tricked (especially into love) was the one big thing that Fadel was really mad about. Last episode Fadel asked Style "You think that you deceiving (tricking) me is no big deal?" when they were sitting on the couch, then later when they were dancing, Style acknowledged that it is in fact a big deal and tells Fadel "But I'm ready to do anything to make you forgive me." Later in the bathtub Style acknowledges again that he did a bad thing by tricking (deceiving) and betraying Fadel (again I refer you to section 10 of my ep8 meta). And now, as Style is actively doing something in the hopes that it will finally make Fadel forgive him, he once again repeats to him the exact thing that Fadel is mad about, promising he won't be tricking/deceiving Fadel ever again. And yeah, the official translation isn't exactly wrong, because lying is in fact a thing that comes with deceiving or tricking people and this word can be translated as "lying", but I just want some consistency in the word choice. Because I'm sure the consistency of the word choice หลอก [lòhk] in the original Thai was very much on purpose. Otherwise they could have just had the characters say โกหก [goh-hòk] (= to lie) or some other word at some point too. But no, they kept (and keep) saying หลอก [lòhk] while the subs are all over the place (from "made someone do something" to "lying" to "fooling someone" etc. etc. -> these are just the ones off the top of my head). The translation student in me wants to scream. I might turn this into my master's thesis.

Anyway, now that this rant is out of the way, let's continue: So Style explicitly tells Fadel he won't be หลอก [lòhk]-ing him anymore and if he does end up doing it again, then Fadel is free to kill him together with his entire family. Fadel is outraged: "You're selling your whole family out for this? And you said you're a family man." And here's the literal translation, for those who are interested (it doesn't really change much):

You're selling your relatives to me? นี่มึงขายญาติให้กูเลยนะ [nîi - mueng - kăai - yâat - hâi - guu - loiie - ná] [interjection] - you - sell - relatives - to - me - [particle] - [particle] But you said you love your family, didn't you? ไหนมึงบอกว่ามึงรักครอบครัวไม่ใช่หรอ [năi - mueng - bòhk wâa - mueng - rák - krôp-kruua - mâi châi - rŏh] but - you - said that - you - love - family - no - ?

Style doesn't see a problem: "Because I know for a fact that I won't ever lie to you again." And yes, he does repeat the word หลอก [lòhk], thanks for asking. In fact, his wording is actually almost the same as earlier:

Well, I'm confident that I definitely won't deceive you again. ก็กูมั่นใจไงว่ากูจะไม่หลอกมึงอีกแน่นอน [gôh - guu - mân-jai - ngai - wâa - guu - jà - mâi - lòhk - mueng - ìik - nâe-non] well - I - (be) certain, confident - [particle] - that - I - will - not - trick, deceive - you - again - definitely, for sure

But Fadel, on top of being hurt that he was หลอก [lòhk]-ed by Style, he is now also offended that he is worth only a car to Style and sasses Style about it: "From what you did to me, I just hope that car's a real beauty." And it's actually kinda funny, because Style agreed to make Fadel his boyfriend, but it's been how many episodes since they've started dating?? And we have yet to see Style with said car. In fact, the only time that he went to Kant to claim the car was when he happily bragged about Fadel being his boyfriend the moment he started dating him many episodes ago, but then Kant told him about Fadel's real occupation and Style was like fuck that, keep your car, I'm out. And even when he agreed to stay with Fadel anyway, Style still didn't leave with the car. In fact, as of episode 6 it was Kant who was still in possession of the car, despite Style and Fadel being head over heels in love by that point (I've reached image limit, but we see Kant and Bison arrive at the bowling alley in that car at the end of episode 6 part 1). Style may have gone into it for the car, but he never actually took the car and by now the car is long forgotten. I didn't go and check, but as far as I remember Style hasn't even brought the car up to Kant ever since that scene in episode 4 where he initially came to claim it. At this point, Style would much rather have Fadel than the car anyway.

Fadel doesn't know any of that, of course. He doesn't know that Style isn't even in possession of the car (for now). And so Fadel drops a bitchy comment about it. Style's eyes widen and he immediately knows that Kant must have told Fadel. Fadel confirms and yells at him: "How are you gonna defend yourself now?" Shit. Style hadn't prepared for that conversation before he made his way down to the beach. Style hesitates a bit as he searches for words and the best way to defend himself without pissing Fadel off even more and making him run away again. Style's voice sounds a little stressed when he tells Fadel that it was only in the beginning that he wasn't being sincere. Fadel stares at him wordlessly. When Style continues to say "But after spending time with you" the stress from just now is gone and when he says "I've changed" his voice is very sincere and there's also an urgency that comes with it. Style really means what he says and it's important to him that Fadel believes him, too. But Fadel just looks away. So Style continues: "I never let anyone get the better of me. But for you, I'd do it again and again. I think we get along well." Now let me just share the Thai wording again:

Usually, I never lose to anyone. ปกติกูไม่เคยแพ้ใครนะ [bpòk-gà-dtì - guu - mâi koiie - páe - krai - ná] usually - I - never - lose (to) - anyone - [particle] But I have a soft spot for you. แต่กูแพ้ทางมึงว่ะ [dtàe - guu - páe taang - mueng - wâ] but - I - have a soft/weak spot for - you - [particle] I think we can have a life together. กูว่าเราสองคนอยู่ด้วยกันได้ [guu - wâa - rao sŏng kon - yùu - dûuay gan - dâai] I - think - the two of us - be, live - together - can, be able to

(Side note: there's a word play in the first and second line: to lose = แพ้ [páe] vs. to have a soft/weak spot = แพ้ทาง [páe taang])

Style uses the word แพ้ [páe] here, which means "to lose" or "to be defeated". And where have we heard Style use that word before? In episode 4, when Fadel drags him out of the Rise Up meeting and into the hallway. Once in the hallway, Style says: "I don't take defeats." And then we actually heard something similar again in episode 5 when Fadel tells Style "A guy like me doesn't know how to accept defeat" during their go-kart date. And now here Style is, standing in front of Fadel, telling him Fine. You win. I lose. And gladly so, if it means I get to have you in my life. Because he thinks they can be together. Style wants that and he's serious about it. Fadel looks away and sighs. So Style continues talking. And I'm just gonna share the literal translation again, not because it really makes any difference in meaning, but because I think some of you might be curious:

The thing I can do now is to convince you that I will be by your side. สิ่งที่กูทำได้ตอนนี้อ่ะ ก็คือพูดให้มึงเชื่อมั่นว่ากูจะอยู่ข้างมึง [sìng - tîi - guu - tam dâai - dton-níi - àh • gôh keu - pûut hâi mueng chêuua-mân - wâa - guu - jà - yùu - kâang mueng] thing - that - I - can do - now - [particle] • is - convince you - that - I - will - be - your side Official subs: The only thing I can do right now is promise you that I'll be by your side. But if you give me a chance แต่ถ้ามึงให้โอกาสกูอ่ะ [dtàe - tâa - mueng - hâi - oh-gàat - guu - àh] but - if - you - give - chance - me - [particle] Official subs: But if you give me a chance I will show you that I'm serious. กูจะทำให้มึงเห็นว่ากูเอาจริง [guu - jà - tam hâi - mueng - hĕn - wâa - guu - ao jing] I - will - make that - you - see - that - I - serious Official subs: I can show you I mean every word.

Fadel, who looked back at Style when he talked about being at Fadel's side, now looks away again and sighs for a second time. He remains stubborn. But Style won't be discouraged. He's made the decision to try getting through to Fadel once more and so he's on a mission now. "You don't believe me? Fine." Stupidly stubborn guys require stupidly silly methods. And at this point I really wanna share @ginnymoonbeam's words on this post:

You know when you've been fighting about something for a long time and eventually you get to a point where you know the other person has won, but you're too stubborn to just give up your position? That's Fadel. Everyone knows he isn't going to kill Style, that he loves Style, that he dragged him on this road trip because he wants to be with Style. He knows it too, but he's climbed on this hill-to-die-on and can't see his way down. Style's dramatic little stunt gives him a way to climb down. He has to get in the water because Style is the one being stubborn and unreasonable. It's gotta be a scene with a sense of urgency to break through that last resistance, but it also has to be something deeply stupid, because a genuine dangerous crisis takes his focus elsewhere. Fortunately manufacturing a deeply stupid emergency situation is right in Style's lane.

If Fadel wants to remain on that hill, then Style will just have to walk straight into the ocean. And he'll just keep walking until Fadel climbs down from that hill and gives him a chance after all. Even if Fadel's mirror last episode said that bad people don't deserve chances. And Style clearly is bad people for tricking Fadel into loving him and being crazy about him and then betraying him. And according to Fadel's mirror people who trick others into loving them all deserve to die. So instead of having Fadel drown him, Style will just willingly go drown himself in the ocean. He deserves to die for tricking Fadel after all. And so Style walks on. But suddenly Fadel starts getting stressed. He shouts after Style that his wound is going to get infected and but Style is determined to show just how serious he is: "And I will die of that, too!" Style is bad people and Style deserves to die for his sins and so Style will drown himself in the ocean and let the infected wound kill him on top of that. For love. Style walks and walks and makes a big show out of it and his injury gets closer and closer to the water and Fadel gets more and more stressed until he breaks after all: "Fine! I'll give you a chance." Style smiles for a moment, before he raises his eyebrows like Oh, is that so? and questions Fadel: "Really?"

Style knows he's won now, but the thing is that Fadel was reeeally stubborn for a reeeally long time and Style reeeally had to work for Fadel to utter the words "I'll give you a chance". And so Style decides drag it out a little longer. I think he partly does it to playfully mess with Fadel a bit, partly simply just to be a little shit and give Fadel a bit of a taste of his own medicine, and also partly because just as much as Fadel needed to see proof of Style's sincerity, Style also wants to see some proof that Fadel really means it when he says he'll give Style a chance. After all, Style's heart is on the line here, too. And there's only so much rejection a man in love can take. Style doesn't want that chance if Fadel is just gonna turn around and go back to making death threats again as soon as Style is back out of the water. And so instead of walking back to land, Style calls out "Nah, I’m gone. There’s no way you mean it." And let me just–

You're tricking me for sure. มึงหลอกกูแน่ [mueng - lòhk - guu - nâe] you - trick, deceive - me - for sure Official subs: There's no way you mean it.

Yup. Our favorite word is back. Fadel has repeatedly thrown it into Style's face that Style tricked him and now Style is turning Fadel's words back around on him. And it's not in a malicious way, no, Style is affectionately teasing Fadel with it and also being a bit of a little shit and also, as I just said, I do think Style is also lowkey worried that Fadel is in fact just tricking him. And I do think Style wants to confirm that this is not the case. By the way, I'm not sure Style's tease even registered in Fadel's brain, because he's so stressed and he's already moving to walk into the water the moment the words "I'm gone" are out of Style's mouth. As Fadel walks up to him in the water, Style watches him with a happy, expectant expression on his face. That expression turns serious as Fadel approaches him.

Style's behavior just now as he was walking into the ocean was very playful, very silly in order to get Fadel to loosen up and to lose his grumpiness a bit and to get Fadel to climb down from his hill of stubbornness. But what he has to say Fadel is actually very serious: "I promise you that, from now on, you'll only see the 100% real me." I think this is a big relief for Style, because we saw how much he was longing to be able to talk freely about everything with Fadel as far back as episodes 5 and 6. Fadel says "Besides work, I've been real to you from day one" and Style just looks at him without replying, because Fadel is kind of right. Although, it's not like Style could just say it, because apart from the deal with the car, the whole being a police snitch was Kant's thing, not Style's and so it was Kant's secret to spill. And it's not like Style could have just told Fadel Kant's secret, because Kant would have been a dead man right there and then. Style got as close as he could to spilling the secret without actually spilling it and I think especially that night at the rock concert Style would have like nothing more than to come clean and to stop Fadel from going on that mission, but it would have been at the cost of Kant's life and only two scenes ago we saw that Style will not have that.

As much as Style was Style for walking into the ocean just like that, Fadel is also Fadel and of course can't let this go without making another threat: "If you don't stay true to me after this, you'll find out how I deal with liars."

If you aren't real with me after this, you better watch out. หลังจากเนี้ยถ้ามึงไม่เรียลกับกู มึงเจอดีแน่ [lăng jàak - níia - tâa - mueng - mâi - riial - gàp - guu • mueng - jer - dii - nâe] after - this - if - you - not - real - with - me • you - meet - good - for sure

Bye the way, I'm not sure how obvious it is to non-Thai speakers, but whenever they talk about "being real" they actually use the English word "real". And I just wanted to put the Thai wording here, because Fadel also uses the anglicism "real" here when the subs talk about "staying true". Also, his threat is way less elaborate. Literally, the threat translates to something like "to meet good" (like, you'll meet something good as in something bad will happen to you).

Style doesn't talk back. He stays quiet. And I think it's because at this point there isn't really a lot he can say. It's true that he hadn't been real with Fadel and so he quietly accepts his fate. Style then also huffs a little and looks at Fadel fondly. Because even if Fadel just threatened him again, it still implied that they really will have a "from now on" together. And that makes Style happy. That's exactly what he just walked into the ocean for. After a moment, Fadel prompts Style to get out of the water before his wound gets infected. And now Style starts talking back again and teases Fadel: "Even when you're threatening me, you're worried about me."

And here I wanna share the literal wording again, because it reminds me of some other scenes. And let me just explain this one word before I do... So where the subs say "threatening", Style uses the word โหด [hòht] which is a word I actually discussed with my Thai friend after episode 7 and he explained that it can be translated in a few different ways depending on context, but usually it means "cruel" or "aggressive" or "brutal". I'm gonna go with "harsh" as a translation to have some consistency, because I feel like this word could work for all the lines that I'm about to drop.

In episode 4, when Style showed up in the kitchen he told Fadel:

No matter how harsh you are, I'm still hooked on you. มึงโหดแค่ไหนอ่ะ กูก็ยังติดใจมึงอยู่ดี [mueng - hòht - kâe năi - àh • guu - gôh - yang - dtìt-jai - mueng - yùu dee] you - harsh - how much - [particle] • I - [sentence link] - still - hooked - you - anyway Official subs: It doesn't matter how scary you are, I'm still hooked.

Then, in episode 7 when Fadel surprise attacked Style with a shower of kisses at the garage, Fadel had following complaint to Style:

When I'm sweet, you don't like it. ตอนกูหวานมึงก็ไม่ชอบ [dton - guu - wăan - mueng - gôr - mâi - chôp] when - I - sweet - you - [sentence link] - not - like Official subs: You don't like me being nice. When I'm harsh, you still scold me. ตอนกูโหดมึงก็ด่ากู [dton - guu - hòht - mueng - gôr - dàa - guu] when - I - harsh - you - [sentence link] - scold - me Official subs: You complain when I'm cold.

Now in episode 9, Style's words are very reminiscent of that complaint:

Even when you're this harsh, you're still sweet with me. นี่ขนาดโหดนะเนี่ย ยังหวานกับกูเลย [nîi - kà-nàat hòht - ná - nîia • yang - wăan - gàp - guu - loiie] [interjection] - this harsh - [particle] - [particle] • still - sweet - with - me - [particle] Official subs: Even when you're threatening me, you're worried about me.

When Style comments "How adorable", he's still teasing Fadel, but you can also clearly see just how delighted and happy he is that Fadel really seems to mean it when he says he'll give Style a chance after all. He looks at Fadel with the brightest smile. But Fadel has spent a lot of time being angry and hurt and grumpy and stubborn and so he isn't gonna be cheesy from one second to the next. And so he speaks out another (very empty, almost joking) threat as he warns Style he can be worse. "You want that?" Style says no. But if Fadel is already letting him put in requests, then Style wants Fadel to use only his sweet side.

From now on I want you to use only your sweet side. ต่อไปนี้กูอยากให้มึงใช้แต่ด้านหวาน [dtòh bpai níi - guu - yàak - hâi - mueng - chái - dtàe - dâan wăan] from now on - I - want - that - you - use - only - sweet side Official subs: From now on, I just want to see you being lovey-dovey.

This actually makes Fadel laugh a bit and ask for clarification and when he looks at Style after that, his face is suddenly so much softer. Style explains: "In a situation like this, if we weren't fighting, what would you like to do to me?" He smiles at Fadel, his face expectant and mixed with almost a sort of innocence like Oh, this is totally not an implicit request for you to kiss me and it also has a bit of a challenging flair like Do you dare to kiss me? The message reaches Fadel loud and clear. He dares. As long as Style is alive he'd make Fadel kiss him again. And Style did. Fadel is kissing him. By Fadel's own choice. Style left it entirely up to him, didn't force Fadel to kiss him, didn't get physically close to him, didn't try to seduce him in any way, didn't even explicitly say the words "kiss me" out loud. In fact, Style asked "What would you like to do to me?" and Fadel could really have chosen to do anything, but what Fadel wanted to do was to kiss Style. Style may have said earlier that he'd lose to Fadel, but is Style really losing here with Fadel back at his side?

Now. The eyes. Let me address the eyes, because I've seen talk about it. Honestly, the way Style's eye keep fluttering open kinda reminds me of what I wrote about the ep6 rock concert kiss and forehead touch in my ep6 meta:

They seal that promise with a kiss. And it's interesting, because Style doesn't immediately close his eyes when Fadel goes to kiss him but instead looks at him for a moment longer. And then his eyes keep fluttering open for a moment. It's almost as if he can't tear his eyes away from Fadel, as if he can't help but use every opportunity to look at Fadel, to catch every last glimpse of Fadel while he still has the opportunity to do so. They break apart and Fadel tells Style that he's (also) very happy tonight and Style (re)confirms his own happiness. They lean their foreheads against each other. And again, Style can't really close his eyes and fully sink into the moment the way Fadel can. It's like he tries to close his eyes but they keep fluttering open a second later because he just can't keep his eyes away from Fadel, is compelled to keep looking at him while he still can, while Fadel is still right there with him. And even when they break away from each other and turn to look out of the window towards the stage, it takes Style a couple of seconds to tear his eyes away from Fadel, who is already looking elsewhere.

Except now it's the polar opposite energy. Back at the concert, it was the end for Style. Now in the water it's a (new) beginning. Back at the concert it was like Style had to savor every last look at Fadel that he could get before it was too late. Now in the water it again feels like Style just can't stop looking at Fadel, but for a different reason. I think it's undeniable that Style is deeply in love with Fadel. But Fadel started pushing him away from the moment Bison was stabbed and at first Style didn't even know what the fuck was happening, especially with how weirdly affectionate Fadel had been the day before. And from then on Fadel has just kept pushing Style away again and again, outright tried to murder him even, and then just kept refusing Style, kept refusing to believe Style no matter how much Style tried to show him just how serious he was about his feelings for Fadel and how serious he was about their relationship. Fadel was pushing Style away so much that even Style, our beacon of optimism and hope, believer in the power of love, even he was starting to get discouraged that Fadel would ever take him back. But now Fadel is here, kissing him again. Style can't believe his eyes and it's like he has to keep looking at Fadel to check that he's really not dreaming, that Fadel really is here, standing in front of him, kissing him. It's the relief that he is finally getting his Fadel back which makes him unable to stop looking at Fadel to make sure it's real.

And another aspect my mom actually mentioned when I was talking to her about this scene was that Style is also checking on Fadel. I don't remember her reasoning, but for me personally it's that Fadel has been very hot-and-cold lately, jumping from saving Style's life to pushing him away again and threatening him in the very next moment. And as I mentioned above, Fadel is not the only one with a heart that can get hurt. Style is also human, Style also has a heart, Style can also get hurt. Even if it may not seem like it through his easy-going, unserious, always optimistic personality. Style is human and Style isn't the only one here between the two of them who did something hurtful to the other. And so I think part of the reason why Style's eyes keep fluttering open is to check Fadel's reactions. Because just because Fadel is in hot-mode right now, doesn't mean he won't jump right back into cold-mode from one second to the next. And so Style has to keep checking so that he's prepared for it if it happens again, because I'm not sure Style's heart could handle it if Fadel suddenly pushed him away again now without a warning. It would be like that time Fadel dumped him in the kitchen back in episode 4, except this time Style would probably be even more hurt than back then, because now he is undeniably irrevocably deeply in love with Fadel. If Fadel pushed him away again now I think that would actually break Style for real.

But Fadel doesn't. They break apart and Fadel nuzzles his face into Style's neck for a moment (definitely kissing it) and then they lean their foreheads against each other for a while. Together again at last.

No. 8: Lore

They're back in the room and Fadel is about to finish renewing Style's bandages after their little swim in the ocean. Fadel tells Style not to do something like this again. Style smiles and says "But I gotta pull some dramatic stunt for someone like you." Fadel huffs in response but is otherwise very focused on the bandages and doesn't reply. Now that they're finally one on one again and Style is also no longer dying of pain, he uses the chance to finally, albeit hesitantly, ask about the guy on the photo in the car. One could think that Style asks out of jealousy, but to be honest, I don't think so. As I mentioned in the beginning of this meta, I think he'd have a gut feeling if that guy was someone who could actually be a potential rival. Also, there's a chance that the person on the photo was also just a family member or something, not necessarily someone Fadel was romantically involved with. Besides, Fadel did tell him that he didn't have any past lovers and that he didn't want a lover in the first place to avoid getting anyone in trouble. So I think rather than out of jealousy, Style asks out of curiosity and genuine care. Fadel has shared next to nothing about his past, but Style wants to know. His voice is full of concern, but not because he feels threatened by the guy in the photo. Instead it's genuine worry for Fadel. Style hesitates to ask and seems almost a little nervous, as if he's scared that this question will cause Fadel to shut him out again.

Fadel stares at Style for quite a long moment, then goes back to the bandage without answering Style's question. Style immediately says "I'm sorry for prying. If you don't want to tell me, I understand" and that cements it even more for me that Style isn't asking out of jealousy. Because I think if he was jealous, he'd try to find out more. I don't think he'd be all that chill with Fadel not answering his question. No, I think Style's question is him cautiously trying to learn more about Fadel's past, but Style will also respect Fadel's boundaries if Fadel isn't ready to talk about it. Especially since last time Style insisted on Fadel opening up about his past, Fadel dropped that his parents were shot dead. So when Fadel doesn't answer, Style is quick to let him know that he won't be prying this time and that Fadel doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to. And it's only then that Fadel makes the decision to open up after all. That guy is his ex. This new information has Style a little speechless as it dawns on him that Fadel lied about not having had a boyfriend before.

Once Style has processed this, he continues to ask how long Fadel had been dating this guy for and the reason why they broke up. And again, I don't think Style is bothered by the fact that Fadel does have an ex. There is so much worry and care in his voice as well as on his face while he talks and listens to Fadel. He genuinely cares to know about Fadel's past. And Fadel shares willingly and without any more hesitation: They were gonna start a life together but then the guy disappeared from one day to the other. Fadel jokes "Maybe he was scared of me, thinking I'd kill him if he broke up with me" and Style huffs and smiles a little, but that smile doesn't really reach his eyes.

Style doesn't think the joke is all that funny. He looks at Fadel fondly, but I think he also really feels for him. He feels bad for him for getting dumped like that and feels sad that Fadel thinks his past lover might have been scared of him, so terrified even that he didn't even want to confront him. And we know the latter part specifically really gets to Style, because the next thing he does is that he grabs Fadel's hand and tells him "I'm not scared of you". And Style is about to continue that sentence, but for a moment he just lets this part stand on its own, lets Fadel process that first before he goes on. Style isn't afraid of Fadel and it's important to him that Fadel knows that. Style continues to say that he hasn't been scared of Fadel since he saved the woman at the bowling alley and I call bullshit on that. I think Style stopped being afraid of Fadel by the end of episode 5 and I wrote 12k words about it. However, I do think the bowling alley incident cemented what Style was saying about Fadel being a good person last episode in the bathtub. Style ends with "You risked your life for a total stranger. I know I'm in love with the right man." And let me just...

A person who risks their own life for someone they don't even know. คนที่เอาชีวิตตัวเองไปเสี่ยงเพื่อคนที่ไม่รู้จักด้วยซ้ำ [kon - tîi - ao - chee-wít dtuua eng - bpai - sìiang - pêuua - kon - tîi - mâi - rúu-jàk - dûuay sám] person - that - take - one's own life - go - risk - for - person - that - not - know - even I love the right person. กูรักถูกคนแล้วละ [guu - rák - tùuk - kon - láew - lá] I - love - right - person - already - [particle]

I do much prefer the phrasing of "I love the right person", because it's not just a state of being, but it's something that Style actively does, is actively doing, has actively been doing, actively chooses to do over and over again.

Style's words really hit Fadel. And I think this time, he finally fully believes them, finally lets himself fully believe them. Fadel goes through quite the emotional journey, then grabs Style's arm and puts it over him as he lays his head in Style's lap. Fadel finally gets to be a child seeking comfort. Style's free hand immediately finds Fadel's head to stroke him. At one point Style smiles a little and shakes his head, looking a bit amused.

It's my personal headcanon that in this moment Style is remembering Bison's words about Fadel being all rough on the outside, but actually being a huge softie inside and is laughing to himself about how it's true. He currently has a very soft (and vulnerable) Fadel in his lap after all he roughness that Fadel put him through. They continue to stay like this until the end of the scene.

No. 9: Peace, Joy, Egg Cake

Allow me to bulk the last few scenes into one last section and allow me to mostly just skip over them a bit, since there isn't all that much plot happening here and it's more about the characters getting to be a little happy again at the end of this story arc before we go into the last bit (can you tell I'm just trying to get this meta done asap so I can hopefully drop it before ep10 lmao).

We got our OT4 happily playing frisbee in the water and it makes me laugh how Style's wound getting infected apparently isn't the same big problem anymore as it was the night before. It also makes me laugh how Style is apparently also perfectly capable of lifting an entire human man with that injured arm of his. I remember this one time a couple of years ago where I scraped open my entire leg and I couldn't walk on it for at least a week without being in pain, so like. Good on your pain tolerance @ Style, I guess. Same thing with Bison and his stab wound. And Fadel's sprained arm has magically healed as well, apparently. Not to mention Kant with his ocean trauma having absolutely no problem letting loose in the ocean water. This show is so unserious, I love it.

After they're done playing in the water, they sit on the shore and have a conversation about staying on the island, except Fadel reminds Bison that they still have one last job to do. Although Fadel then also says "Once we wrap up the last mission, we can go anywhere and do anything. Not sure if they'd come with us, though." For the last sentence, Fadel turns his head and says it directly into Style's face. This statement was 100000% directed at Style and Style alone, not Kant. Style stares at Fadel for a moment and then makes a face like My love, do you really even need to ask after I've followed you all the way here?

Then he says "Just tell me where, and I'll go with you." and I shake my hands at the writers in disappointment, because this would have been THE opportunity to bring back "hitman teerak". Especially because the wording is also kind of similar.

Episode 7: Tell me where you wanna go na krub, hitman-teerak. มึงอยากไปไหนอ่ะ บอกกูมาเลยนะครับนักฆ่าที่รัก [mueng - yàak - bpai - năi - àh • bòhk guu maa - loiie - ná - kráp - nák-kâa - tîi-rák] you - want - go - where - [particle] • tell me - [particle] na - krub - hitman - teerak Official subs: I'll drive you where you want me to go, my dear hitman. Episode 9: Tell me where you're going. I'm all ready to go. จะไปที่ไหนก็บอก กูพร้อมไปอยู่ละ [jà - bpai - tîi năi - gôh - bòhk • guu - próm - bpai - yùu - lá] will - go - where - [sentence link] - tell • I - ready- go - [auxillary verb] - [particle] Official subs: Just tell me where, and I'll go with you.

Please tell me, does the episode 9 sentence not scream for a "hitman teerak" drop? Does it not look a little incomplete?

Anyway, Style continues to say a very Style thing and Fadel laughs. This has Kant quite impressed. I have not gone back and checked if Kant is right about never having seen Fadel laugh, but I'm just gonna assume it's true. The only scene that I can think of where Kant may have seen Fadel laugh is at the bowling alley in episode 5, but Kant would have had to be looking at Fadel to see actually see that. Also let me just...

Please, the way Style is smiling so brightly at Fadel. He's so over the moon to have his Fadel back. With everyone being so happy and cute it just has me very worried about what next episode might have in store for them, especially considering the preview (we're not gonna have any more injuries on this show, are we? 🥺🙏).

As for Style's mood in the scene with everyone on the boat on the way back to land, I'm just gonna leave Joong's tweet here...

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

#the heart killers #fadelstyle #stylefadel #thk #thk ep9 #thk meta #my meta #thkmetamine #adrm #i meant to proofread this last night but i was too sleepy #also atp these are so long that editing and proofreading them takes me at least half a day lmao rip #i'm also quite frustrated that i didn't manage to get this done BEFORE ep10 bc #some stuff in ep10 kind of confirmed what i was writing about here #but now nobody will believe me when i say i knew what i was seeing that BEFORE i watched ep10 kjdfkjkjdf #ah well. not that anyone's gonna come at me for it anyway lmao #it's just for personal satisfaction

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mrabubu · 8 months ago

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I know we've seen bits and pieces of Ana's life as a kraang but what about her before turning into a kraang? Like what's her family situation? Does she has siblings? Neighbours she's closed with?

Had she ever went on adventures like April with the turtles? If ana & April were in the same school, did she met draxum as the lunch lady? How did she felt about him then? When casey JR met Ana from the past what did he felt about her?

And did how did Ana helped in the movie where the hamatos were fighting back? After the movie, was she hurt or helped taking care of the turtles?

Sorry for asking too much it's just sometimes am getting this burst of energy to ask questions about your AU 🙏🏼

Nah, it's okay, you're good ~ So, I've been having some ideas on Ana before she was kraangified, and maybe some of the details are my projection, but there's other character's I've been inspired with.

This post turned out to be long, so, yeah... But if you have any more questions, I'm like, totally ready to answer.

I'll go with more simple questions first:

Adventures with the turtles:

I had an idea that maybe it was Leo who was dragging her out on adventures. I thought of a different scenario with that episode when Leo accidentally teleported others somewhere, but before going to Hueso he would go to Ana and drag her out just not to be alone in this.

Ana and Draxum:

I never actually thought about Ana meeting Draxum, but now I kinda imagine there would be a joke about how Ana sneaks up on people unintentionally, especially Draxum because he thought she was unremarkable and he wasn't really paying much attention to her, and he would go like "Were you standing here this whole time?".

Ana and Casey Jr.:

With the story I have in my head, Ana and Leo were reunited after or not long before Cassandra died, so Ana became someone like a mother figure to Casey Jr, and considering Ana died in the future not long before the events of the movie, I feel like Casey would try to suppress his emotions towards her, and definitely would try to hide the details of what happened to Ana in the bad future timeline. But he would definitely be happy to see her, and if going with the movie, in the end he would finally let himself relax around her, knowing she'll be alright, alive and not kraangified, embracing her for the first time since he got into the past.

Ana during the events of the movie:

So, I think this would be strongly connected to the end of the season 2, because I had this idea that Ana, unlike April, didn't have much strength to fight, so Leo left her with Tod while him, April and others went to fight Shredder. This made Ana felt useless and helpless. During the movie, I thought that she would be helping people in the city. She was unable to fight the Kraang, but she tried to help people by leading them away from the war zone. I'm not sure what big moment to add here, but at the time I think that aside from bruises and small cuts she was okay, and, yes, was definitely helping the turtles to heal. Maybe even in the end of the movie it would be her and Leo's moment, when she would tell him about how useless she felt and how scared she was when Leo almost got trapped in the prison dimension, and he would reassure her that she did an amazing job by helping people in the city. And about him almost being gone, I think this would actually be their big moment when he would openly tell her he loves her. Like, before he didn't tell her this like that, but after almost, well, dying, he wouldn't want to waste a single moment with her.

Okay, now to Ana and her family:

At first I thought of Ana being just a normal, shy girl with a normal family, but, uuuh, I also thought it's kinda boring and lacks some depth, so, here's some of my ideas.

I never saw her having any siblings, so, she's the only child.

Her situation in her family is not as ideal as it could be. I didn't want to go with this cliche of one of her parents being dead, so they were both alive, but mostly they lived together more like neighbors rather than a family. I also thought of Ana feeling kinda like a burden to her family. She's calm, shy and quiet girl, doesn't have any special talents or big ambitions rather than taking photos (yeah, I've decided she liked to take pictures).

After watching Dungeon Meshi and seeing this moment with Falin eating alone, I kinda took it as an inspiration for Ana's backstory. But in Ana's case it's more close to something like with Hanekawa from Monogatari series.

If you know Hanekawa's story, you know the vibe/the idea. Ana and Kraang-chan are like Hanekawa and Black Hanekawa.

With Ana it's not as bad as it was for Hanekawa, there was no abuse or anything, but some ideas of her usually wearing a facade to appear to be someone who she isn't is present. With Ana she's more suppressing her emotions, even to the point she's ashamed of them. She feels lonely and detached from others but tries to make it look like she's fine with it, but there are still moments when her frustration is too much to handle, but even then she didn't ask for help, but more took it on herself.

I redrew a moment from The Boy and the Heron.

Oh boy, I hope I didn't miss anything.

#abubu ask #my art #sketch #krangified au

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miraculouslbcnreactions · 3 months ago

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What do you think about Cerise in season 6?

For those not up to date on canon, Cerise is Lila's new name. As far as we know, it is just another fake identity. Her real name is still not know. Where she came from is still not known. Her motivations are still not known. For the sake of saving us all a headache, I'm just going to keep calling her Lila.

I'm writing this post after four five season six episodes have aired (episodes 2 thru 5 plus 11 to be specific). I haven't watched these episodes, but I did read the transcripts that are out on the wiki and I've picked up on details second hand from the few fandom blogs I follow. From everything I've heard, read, and seen, civilian Lila isn't really in season six? She makes brief cameos where she's scribbling in a notebook and saying vague threatening lines, but she doesn't interact with anyone or tell us anything new about her character. Almost all of her screen time goes to Chrysalis, her villain form. I like the way Chrysalis is written. She feels more manipulative than Gabriel which makes her feel more interesting:

Chrysalis: Hello, Maya. Forgive my intrusion, but, I seem to feel a huge disappointment. No one's interested in your drawings when they're so pretty! Do you feel ignored? Like no one sees you? Maya: Yes. It's no fair! Chrysalis: I think I know what would be fitting. For no one to be able to ignore your drawings anymore. I can give you this power. Only if you agree, of course. Maya: Yes! (stands up) Chrysalis: And what should I call you? Maya: The Illustrhater!

But her being more interesting is just an illusion. Nothing meaningful has changed. Gabriel's tactics got the job done so who cares if Lila is a little better at manipulating people? She could have Gabriel's skills and nothing about season six would change. Her tactics aren't leading to better akumas so who cares if she sounds cooler and won't tell people her name?

Yeah, that's apparently a thing in season six. Lila is being a little smarter about her identity than Gabriel was. The Illustrhater has Marinette acting like this is a big deal:

Marinette: Nothing! We know nothing! It's even worse than before! Alya: (yawning briefly) Is that so bad? I mean, we didn't know a lot about Monarch either, but he still got busted. Marinette: That's not true! We know lots of things about Monarch! He was an adult male, he akumatized 212 people in total, 99.8 percent of them in Paris. His goal was to seize Cat Noir's and my Miraculous so he'd be granted one wish. Now we have a supervillain we know nothing about, who akumatizes whomever, whenever, and who knows why! This is a disaster!

But when you get down to it, none of this ever mattered. Marinette's limited knowledge didn't lead to Gabriel's identity being outed. Gabriel's identity was outed by shear dumb luck and someone else handing Marinette the answers, so this isn't a case where Marinette has to come up with new tactics to find the villain because her old tactics no longer work. She never had any tactics to begin with!

Tracking down the butterfly would be new behavior for her character so I don't care that Chrysalis is "better hidden." It's not selling me on watching the show. Chrysalis' name being unknown just feels like an indicator of how little the writers had to work with to make her feel more threatening. There's basically nothing the writers can do to actually make her a bigger villain and so they're left with meaningless displays that the characters have to directly say are big deal to try and make the audience think that Lila is a bigger threat.

They can't just make her a bigger threat by having her do something new because Gabriel was willing to do anything to win. That makes it almost impossible for Lila to be an upgrade. What's she going to do, threaten Adrien? Akumatize Adrien? Try to akumatize Marinette? Try to break up Adrienette? Oh no! How evil! We definitely haven't seen that before...

It's not even like her tactics are harder to resist. Episode four already featured an akuma rejection:

Chrysalis: Hello. Forgive my intrusion, but..I sense a great deal of guilt preventing you from making friends. Sabrina: NO!! (breaks the connection with Chrysalis, rejecting her akumatization, as the ultrakuma flew back out)

And, while the heroes don't know this for sure, the audience already knows that Chrysalis is once again after the ladybug and the black cat because of course she is:

Chrysalis: On the other hand, if you give me Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous, I'll let you keep it... forever!

Remind me, why should I care that she replaced Gabriel?

Outside of that, I think it's kind of telling that civilian Lila is barely in the show even though she's the big bad. The writers never knew how to write her well and so going the route of keeping her off screen is probably the only way to play her. I'm curious how many episodes will see her civilian form interact with so much as a single member of the main cast. My guess is not many. Get ready for a boat load of delaying tactics where the show tries to make things feel important while maintaining the status quo and keeping everything about Lila a secret.

Her character's motivation not being known worked when she first showed up, but now? It just feels like the writers don't know what they're doing. Sure, season six is a soft reboot, but it's still season six and she's been here since season one. We should know her goals by now! Hinting that she's planning something without ever giving those hints any substance just screams, "there's no actual substance! Gabriel was the better villain!"

Cerise (voiceover): Nothing. Nothing! You'll know nothing about me, about us, about them. I'm everywhere. I'm nowhere! I'm a chameleon. Nowhere! You won't get anywhere...

Sure, babe. Sure. You're super threatening and totally not just a knockoff Gabriel. I'm sure your motivations will blow us out of the water once they're revealed. After all, the reveal of your three mothers was just so amazing! Best writing in the show by far! (that was sarcasm)

Only thing that could kind of fix this is if Lila got a team or larger organization she was working with, but I'd be really disappointed if that's where the show is going. Once again, it's season six and she's been here since season one! The time to set that kind of thing up was at least two seasons ago. Without so much as a hint that such a thing exists, the introduction of it would feel like the writers are just pulling shit out of their ass and that is not the kind of story I enjoy. All my favorite stories have clear evidence that the writers had a plan from day one and stuck to it, making something beautiful. I think it's abundantly clear that Miraculous will never be that kind of story.

Fun fact: by random luck, this post was originally scheduled for the 21st, the day episode 11 aired. I delayed it a day to see if civilian Lila finally interacted with someone or revealed her goals, giving me something to comment on. Surprising no one, she still isn't really in the show. Place your bets on how long it's going to be before civilian Lila gets a motivation or even just a chance to interact with the cast! My money is on late season six at the earliest.

(Feel free to let me know if I missed something about Lila's presence in season six. The transcripts aren't out for all the episodes so it's entirely possible that she's done something I don't know about. I just didn't want to make anon wait longer since this ask is already a month old.)

#ml writing critical #ml writing salt #anon ask #lila salt #lila deserves better #prediction

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antlrrqueen · 2 months ago

Text

finale thoughts

s3ep10 yj spoilers below

(i originally wrote this the morning after i watched it, but added more today.)

i have a LOT to say.

first of all. I PREDICTED SO MUCH. TAI EATING VAN'S HEART. CALLIE ACCIDENTALLY(ish) KILLING LOTTIE. AN ACTUAL LOTTIE DEATH SCENE. SHAUNA ANTLER QUEEN.

yall were so mad about so much that happened this season, only to be proven wrong and/or given what you wanted later on. that's the thing about this show, about tv, about WEEKLY EPISODES. you need to wait. the story needs to unfold! although it hasn't been perfect, you CANNOT call it bad writing and swear the show off just because your favorite character died. or because you don't learn everything right away. lottie's death was supposed to be a mystery, and we got EVERYTHING we wanted in her scene in the finale. it was explained, of course it was!! i'm not saying that lottie's fate and story this season was perfect, it had flaws, but also - this is the show where everybody dies, and they can die any way. you can be upset about it, but at a certain point, maybe don't be super surprised.

a theme this season was things getting blown out of proportion, and that directly leads into misleading the fans and causing them to wonder and think and theorize.

i think it's really interesting to think about which adult survivors got the plane scene. nat and van had the plane scene because of the way they died and the POV, but i also believe that the plane was shuttling them back to the wilderness. they tried to leave, to escape it, but they never could.

i think that lottie didn't get a plane scene because 1. we don't see her death in real time and from her perspective, so it would be difficult to execute and wouldn't make sense. 2. lottie never left the wilderness. she didn't need to be shuttled back. up to her LAST MOMENT she was fully in it, fully attached to it.

also, it's so so fucking cool to see the pit girl scene finally, actually unfold. because at first, it seems like it's a misdirect! but no, everything falls into place. things go where they need to, mari takes her clothes off to blend in, giving it even more of a ritualistic appearance. we don't see all of the dialogue and conflict that's actually happening in this scene, because it's meant to set the show up, AND because in the pilot, it's fully from mari's POV!

(and it's meant to mislead us)

and also, at least for me, something that i always always wondered about was the logistics of the pit. it was assumed that the pit was something that was planned by the group for this exact reason. and i always wondered: why didn't pit girl know about the pit if she was one of the girls?

especially after learning from s2 that the draw was random, how did she not know??! and/or how much prep time did they have before the hunt??

but the answer is: almost none of them knew about the pit! if anything, a/THE reason that mari fell into the pit was because she was taking the same route that she took running away from camp at the beginning of the season.

+ on the topic of writing and the writers, it pisses me off like CRAZY how everyone's attacking the writers. yes, it hasn't always been good! but ALSO! don't fucking say you hate the writers and want to kill them or whatever because they killed lottie or van or mari or made shauna AQ. they are writing the fucking show. your favorite character isn't always going to stay alive. you cannot be a brat. please, bring up valid arguments! but don't just swear off the writers because van didn't survive the entire fucking show.

A DEATH HAPPENS IN THE SHOW IF IT NEEDS TO HAPPEN. THERE ARE REASONS THAT DEATHS HAPPEN.

mari has been dead from the start, she's been pit girl from the start, and she had amazing time on the show! (character-wise). and did so fucking well! fuck, i mean mari's one of my favorites, and i'm honestly glad she was pit girl. her death had meaning, it was one of the deaths with the MOST meaning in the show. you're allowed to be upset. but be upset for valid reasons, or just because you're sad your favorite is dead.

it does not always need to be this serious. calm down, you guys.

and i keep saying this, but i feel like i need to keep saying this so i'm not ripped to shreds; you can still have criticisms of the show! there are things that this show, this season, hasn't done right. but you also need to let things play out, you need to look at the bigger picture and think for a second before blowing up. things take time, and characters are put on the show to create the show, move the plot forward, and for us to watch. sometimes that means that they have to die. sometimes it even makes a character more interesting, more tragic!

the show cannot go exactly how you want it to. you need to accept that.

#yellowjackets #shauna shipman #antlrrqueen #yellowjackets fandom #yellowjackets showtime #yellowjackets s3 #yj season 3 #yj spoilers #lottie matthews #van palmer #natalie scatorccio #misty quigley #mari ibarra #mari nolastname

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chaosduckies · 2 months ago

Text

Silence in the City (4)

Finals are over. School is almost over. We're getting back into writing.

Didn't know what to write at first, but I've been in an extremely fluffy mood lately so that's what we're getting! I admit, not my best written chapter (to me??) but I'm slowly getting back into writing more than just at 2 in the morning-

CW: None!

Word Count: 3.5k

4- Devon

They kept me in the same cold, desolate room for three days, only ever opening the door to give me food and to take it after I was done. Sure, it might be better than being hunted by a 600 foot kaiju, but at least give me something to do if you were going to shove me in a prison for the rest of my foreseeable future! If I were being honest, even if I was probably the most pathetic human that’s ever lived, I think I would’ve preferred being chased by that kaiju after all. Well maybe not unless I wanted to have another panic attack episode.

In the time that I was locked up, all I could ever retrace my mind back to was how Kieran was doing. I had at least hoped that he was okay, the last time I saw him he had a bad puncture wound and was bleeding all over. Kieran was a bit hard to read, but somehow I could just tell that he was grateful that I gave him my stuffed animal before I left. Sleepless nights for me but it was all worth it if I could at least make his time in this place a little more bearable than usual. Would it be bad to say that I missed him?

I had thought that today would be another day where I was going to be stuck, but I guess they had other plans for me. As much as I was relieved to be out of my prison, I honestly wasn’t ready for any more near-death experiences as much as I say that I was. It was a sad truth to admit but it is what it is.

It felt like I had been down this hallway plenty of times, going through the same rooms and seeing the same people. I was instructed to grab a tablet and then shoved into the same dark room, only this time I could barely see my own hands in front of my face. I clutched the tablet up to my chest, not daring to turn it on as I heard the slow, deep breaths coming from somewhere in front of me. Kieran was asleep this time, pretty heavily by the sounds of it. I clutched the tablet close to my chest, walking forward a little bit.

Walking wasn’t exactly my best idea but curiosity had a hold of me. I could just barely see anything, but as long as I stayed close to a wall I doubted anything would happen. After walking for a while I slid against the wall, sitting down in complete darkness. If I were being honest, I didn’t like the dark. Not at all. At least when I walked into this room I knew who was in here instead of just being thrown in with nothing like the first time I came here.

Kieran didn’t really sound like they would be waking up anytime soon, so I had no idea what they wanted me to do now. The other times it seemed like they were testing how he’d react to me being in danger. I was trying to figure out what they might be planning but I had no clue. The only thing I knew was that I didn’t want Kieran to go through anything more than they already have put him through. Sure, he looks like a terrifying monster and he can be terrifying when he wants to be, but once he opens up you find out he actually has more humanity than those sadistic psychos that treat him like an animal.

Now that I thought about it, why was he here in the first place? Sure to fight kaiju but what else was there? It felt like there was definitely something else going on here. I doubt they’d just tell me though. They haven’t so far anyway.

I held my breath when I heard something big moving, probably just Kieran stirring in his sleep, then returning to the same peaceful dark. I wonder if he still had my stuffed animal. The mental picture of him cuddling up with something so small was adorable. It was kind of funny to think about it though. Someone as sarcastic and tired as Kieran cuddling up with a stuffed animal. It only made me wish that they turned on the lights even more.

I opened up the tablet, trying to see what was all on it. A series of buttons that correspond with whatever chain is around him. Wrists ankles, neck. How did they even get all of the chains on him in the first place? Probably not willingly. Around each one of those chains, it made me sick to my stomach every time I saw the raw skin, almost like he couldn’t heal it enough before they tortured him even more. A shiver ran down my spine as I continued to check for anything else.

Time must have flown by, and I must not have been paying much attention because Kieran started stirring again. Air rushed past me, I heard him yawn, grateful that I didn’t see his fangs. It was pathetic of me to even be scared of them still, but the initial fear and shock just take over sometimes. When I say that being trapped in a room for basically days on end was excruciatingly painful,

I could hear him stop moving, letting out an annoyed huff through his nose before groggily opening his eyes, and I’ve never been more spooked in my life. I hadn’t exactly expected to be sitting right in front of his face. My heart hammered against my chest when his eye landed on me, giving off a very faint glow that wouldn’t be noticeable unless you were as close as I was. I sucked in a shaky breath, watching his pupil dilate just like a cat’s would. He didn’t seem to recognize me until he squinted, his pupil rounding just in the slightest bit when he put my face to a name.

He quietly groaned, picking himself up, and not long after the lights flickered on. He stretched his limbs as much as the place would let him, wincing when he would bang his head on the ceiling. They needed to do something about that.

Kieran stared at me for a second, bringing one of his hands close to his face and sighed. My heart dropped and my eyes widened when his hand started heading my way, hovering above a little before tilting it. He pulled away as soon as whatever he was holding fell, his eyes studying my reaction. Some part of me had a feeling that he was a little hurt that I was still scared of him, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it had something to do with me too. That didn’t leave a good feeling in my chest.

When I looked over at whatever he dropped, I gasped, reaching for it and hugging my stuffed animal closely. So he didn’t forget about it? I smiled to myself, searching for his reaction but the second I turned to face him he turned away like he was embarrassed. I laughed quietly, waiting for something to happen. Not going outside today then? What were they planning on doing? This entire time I’ve been here trying to figure it out but I doubt I would be able to. They probably had a million secrets to keep. There was no way I’d be able to find whatever was happening here. Plus, I wasn’t even allowed outside of my room. How would I find out anything if I’m only here to get thrown into the same two rooms?

I sighed, hugging them closer and watching Kieran lay back down, constantly glaring down at me like he wanted to keep a certain distance. Well, so far as I know he wasn’t a fan of touching or being near me. I don’t exactly blame him for it either after the people here probably treat him like some wild animal.

Kieran studied me for a while before closing his eyes, “You look like you could use more rest.” His voice sounded tired per usual, but I could note the sadness behind it. And once again, a deep feeling of guilt settled at the bottom of my stomach for being the cause of it. So stupid of me to still be scared of him after saving my life multiple times.

“N-no. I’m fine.” I shook my head. He should really stop worrying about me. Well, unless there were kaiju involved. Then he’d have to worry about me. I had no way to protect myself and definitely didn’t know how to fight. Even if fists would do something against a kaiju.

Kieran opened his eyes, studying me more before rolling his eyes playfully, “Stubborn,” He let out another huff before picking his head up and holding it up with one of his hands, “Thank you I guess.” I was a little confused at first until I looked back at my stuffed animal. Right. I kind of just left him with it. Though, it seemed like he didn’t mind at all since he gave it back. Wait… did he sleep with it? I laughed a little at the idea, “You’re welcome.”

Taking another glance back at the stuffed animal I was holding in my hands. Kieran seemed… a lot better with it actually. For some reason, he didn’t look as sad or pained. Just tired. And even then it wasn’t that bad right now. Not as much as usual at least.

I stood back up and walked towards his face. Not too close where he’d loom so much over me, but to where he’d be able to see me either way. It still surprised me how he was able to see someone so small compared to him. Let alone hear me. Wouldn’t be surprised if his senses were heightened because of his kaiju side though.

“U-Um, he’s yours now. You can keep him.” I lifted my stuffed animal towards him. It hurt to think about not having anything from home with me anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Kieran would take good care of them. I mean he did while I was gone.

Kieran stared for a while like he was debating on taking the stuffed animal back. What more was there to debate? I’ve already decided that I was going to give it to him. If he doesn’t take it I might have to force him.

He groaned, using his arm as a pillow as he rested his head back down, “Mmm, no.” I took a few steps back, a little upset that he wasn’t accepting the one gift I could give him for saving my life besides giving him the “company” that he seemed to like. Was he really not going to keep the stuffed animal? I mean I was willing to give away the one nice thing I took from home.

I sucked in a deep breath and walked closer to his hand which acted as a pillow for his head. Kieran’s eyes closed again, letting out a sigh that ruffled my hair a little bit. A shiver ran down my spine, but I kept on walking slowly and quietly so he wouldn’t hear me.

This just seemed like a stealth mission at this point. Get to his hand, start climbing onto the back of it, and place the stuffed animal right on top of him. All of this hoping that he wouldn’t move and I’d inevitably fall off and onto my neck and break it. No that wouldn’t happen. Kieran wouldn’t do something like that. Maybe it would be smart to warm him first?

I kept on walking over, stopping every time I would step too loudly to make sure Kieran’s attention wasn’t focused on me. After being in a room for two days I forgot just how much bigger he was compared to me. A lot bigger. I sucked in a shaky breath, extending a shaky hand to let him know that I was nearby. He didn’t seem like the type to enjoy people touching him, but it just made sense to at least give him a warning of where I was.

His skin was soft rather than rough and hard like I had thought. The scales seemed tough from my angle, but as soon as he felt my hand, he flinched, sitting up slowly. I stared up, trying to figure out how I’d climb up his hand while holding the stuffed animal. Why was I doing this again? To spite him? Oh the things I do when my mind is decided. It just felt like ever since I’ve been here I’ve become less terrified. Well, of Kieran and a few other things. What was happening to me?

I shook my thoughts out and focused on his hand that hadn’t dared move an inch. I bit the side of my cheek and sighed, throwing the stuffed animal as far as I could on top of his hand. Kieran tilted his head, still not moving his hand. It was surprising that he didn’t just come back at me with some snarky comment or push me away. Was something wrong?

“What are you-” Before he could finish his sentence, I forced myself to climb up his hand a little. It was extremely weird considering I was climbing on his hand, but Kieran wasn’t moving in the slightest so it made it much easier.

It took me forever to climb up his hand by myself, and the second I finally did I was out of breath. I tried pulling myself up by swinging my leg over, but that was useless. I looked up at Kieran, my heart skipping a beat at how shocked he looked. His eyes were slit and wide, mouth just slightly parted that barely showed his fangs. A shiver ran down my spine as I tried one more time to get myself up, groaning when I almost fell back down. The fall wouldn’t kill me. Unless I landed on my neck or something. Maybe a twisted ankle. I could just be being dramatic. This was just like climbing a tree back at home. That was the best way to describe it to keep my mind off the fact that I still couldn’t believe I was just climbing on Kieran.

“U-Um, could you help? Please?” I asked, hoping that he could hear me through the apparent shock. I guess he really didn’t like anyone touching him. Maybe this was a bad idea? If he hated people touching him so much wouldn’t he have just moved his hand already to make me fall? Kieran was so confusing to read. He was so good at hiding things.

Kieran blinked a few times before slowly bringing a shaky hand closer, using his knuckle to lift me up. For once, I wasn’t scared. Not as much at least. Sure my heart was pounding against my chest but that was only because of the circumstances.

I sat on his hand, blowing some hair out of my face as I smiled, “What? No snarky comment?” Kieran blinked, then scoffed, instantly returning to his same tired look. Though, his hand underneath me began trembling. Was he scared? Was I… making him uncomfortable? It was a silly idea to think that someone so small compared to him made him act this way just by being on him. He never acted like this when he volunteered to hold me. So what was wrong?

The stuffed animal was only a few feet away from me. I grabbed it and held it up towards him again, “It’s yours. I refuse to take it back.” I set it back down and crossed my arms. Kieran stared at me like I was crazy, and laughed, using a hand to cover up his eyes. My attention, for a split second turned to his sharp fangs, a shiver running down my spine. As intimidating as he was, he was gentle with almost everything he did. My mind drifted off to him fighting the kaiju the other day, fear creeping up to me. Yeah, I don’t think I’d like being on Kieran’s bad side.

He grumbled under his breath, turning back towards me, glaring, “I-I’m re-gifting it.” He shut his mouth and covered it with one of his hands as if embarrassed by his stutter. Why? It was kind of weird for him to be so scared right now. I wasn’t doing anything. So why so timid all of a sudden? He must have something on his mind for him to be acting. Even more guilt built up in me, the bile threatening to come up my throat. Yeah, maybe getting off of him was a good idea.

I bit the bottom of my lip and leaned on the edge of his hand to see how far the drop was before turning to face him, “Are you okay?” His eyes widened for a split second before he moved his hand away from his face, “Yeah.” The hand I was on seemed to tremble even more, but I still didn’t understand how he was so good at hiding it.

With a sigh, I carefully turned back to getting off of him, sliding down and safely landing on my own two feet. Kieran let out a sigh of relief, sneakily placing a hand over his chest like he was checking his heartbeat before very carefully moving the hand I was just on towards his face and dropping the stuffed animal in one of his free hands. I sat down, my legs crossed as I fidgeted with my hands. So I did make him uncomfortable. That was just great. Another thing to add to my conscience.

Kieran rested his head again, the hand with my stuffed animal in a fist and up against his chest. The bags under his eyes seemed to somehow get even worse in that time span. How could he be so tired all of the time? I guess there wasn’t anything else for him to do in here other than to conserve his energy. Made sense really.

While I was wallowing in my self-despair at how stupid and inconsiderate a person I was, I didn’t notice the large shadow looming overhead. Embarrassingly enough, when something brushed against my back, I let out a squeak, turning around with wide eyes to see Kieran nudging me with his knuckle, a playful smirk on his face. I laughed, trying to push him away, earning a flinch the second I tried pushing him away, though he never pulled away, instead just sucked in a breath and very gently fought back against me, “Not fairrr you’re a lot bigger than me.” I giggled. Was he doing this to cheer me up? Wasn’t he the one who was sad? When I took one glance at him though, he seemed so calm and happy. Like he wasn’t trapped in this horrific scientists’ playground. Like he wasn’t being used…

“Hm. And I’m half asleep so who’s really the one here who has an excuse?” We both laughed, his eyes slowly closing.

“Still me. Not fair that I'm half as tall as your fingers are wide.” I stuck my tongue out playfully, watching him roll his eyes and push me gently onto my back. I laughed, watching a small smile creep up on his face.

“Yeah, whatever pipsqueak. I’ll give you this one,” He pulled his hand away and tucked it under his head letting out a long sigh as he closed his eyes, “Stop being stubborn and lay down.” Kieran ordered. Seriously? He was still going to make me fall asleep? I wasn’t even tired! It felt like it anyway. Or maybe I’m so sleep-deprived that I just don’t feel tired anymore.

Instead of coming up with a really bad comeback, I did as asked and laid down on the metal floor that was surprisingly not as uncomfortable as originally thought. Kieran hummed and curled up a little more, and a few minutes later he was asleep. It was crazy how fast he was just able to do that. It takes me about an hour to go through everything I’ve done wrong in my life before even shutting my eyes.

I sighed, about to get up before Kieran shifted slightly, mumbling just a few words, “-too nice.” He pressed the hand that held my stuffed animal closer. Oh how I wished I could have a camera or something to record this. Honestly, it was more adorable than embarrassing. Even though he’s the most sarcastic and teasing person I’ve ever met, he still somehow hides the fact that he’s the biggest softie I know. How does he do it? No idea, but it was nice to know that he was getting a little more comfortable and trusting me a little more. I’ve placed all my trust plus some into him, and so far nothing bad has happened. I’ll take that as a win any day.

——————

Again not my best written work but I did kind of enjoy writing this little scene! Kieran is just very conflicted as to why Devon trusts him so much already... andddd the fact that he is NOT used to physical touch in the slightest. A special thanks to @51lly-c3d4r for giving me ideas for this chapter that you didn't even mean to give me-

Thank you for reading! :D

Taglist: @da3dm @dav8530

(If you would like to be added or removed please let me know!)

#g/t #g/t writing #g/t fluff #g/t community #giant/tiny #sfw g/t #oc: Kieran #oc: devon #Idk I was in a fluffy mood #not my best writing but oh well ig #So conflicted when Devon just crawled onto the back of his hand lol #he absolutely hates it #(no he doesn't he wants to hug Devon so badly but he's scared)#So much backstory for Kieran I came up with-#I might do interaction asks for him??#we'll see #I actually have an au of them already...#Thank you guys for reading!#love you guys ❤️

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askhezureviews · 5 months ago

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no spoilers/specifics but when you get to Ghostfuckers it becomes so obvious Brandon is doing the writing again

it's the closest helluva has gotten to its season 1 self in all of s2, and it's still not fantastic, if I'm being honest

there's only so much he can do to right the ship

ep11&12 ping right back into Goetia melodrama, because of course

OKKKKkkkk finally sat down and watched this episode!

Hey! Look, it's like, their first actual job in forever!!! They're actually going to the human world again, great!

I'm very relieved Brandon was brought in to rewrite this. I know some Viv fans were upset about the leaks, but I think it was actually a good thing these leaked and sparked enough outrage for Viv to cave in and change it because Millie unaliving herself for being a bad wife is completely inappropriate. I'd personally feel ashamed and embarrassed if I had wrote that. She claimed they had plans for Millie, that she will get her episode in season 2, but she didn't. Even with Brandon's assistance here, she really didn't. I'd say those leaks are proof she lied to her audience, however... at this point, Vivziepop is merely not self aware of her writing and doesn't comprehend the stereotyping she does to her own characters and their stories. So I don't think she lied, she's unable to comprehend that she isn't delivering on what she claims she will.

The episode establishes: -Blitz's business is now bankrupt. He has not paid his employees in over a month. -Wally Wackford knows IMP and hangs out with them?? / wants to hang out with them?? -Ghosts aren't real in Helluva / Hazbin universe -There's infestor demons that eat off angst I guess? First time we're ever seeing one

Seems like a good portion of this episode is a scooby doo reference. The montage scene was unnecessary, you could have cut it for time / budget.

~~~

Regarding Millie: She claims the most screen time, but this episode actually isn't about her. The main focus is on Blitz. It's Blitz's trauma, Blitz's pain, Blitz's melodrama, and she just happens to be on screen dealing with it. We get a small pinch of something, but I'll talk about it after this analysis:

Millie asks Loona to take care of Moxie for her. These two still haven't passed the bechdel test yet. The only thing I recall them talking about outside of the men in their life is when Loona takes a jab at Millie's age in season 1, which also isn't ideal.

Millie claims she "always has fun with Blitz" and that he is her "best friend" which is news to the audience. This is the first time they've ever hung out in an episode. "I've never had a real friend that I didn't wanna f*ck." But you DO want to f*ck her. Earlier in the episode, he had Millie punch a card he's used frequently. Unwavering loyalty in exchange for leaving Moxie and Millie alone on 1 date. In a single episode he seems to have changed his mind quite suddenly and I'm unsure why.

Millie's backstory is chalked up to "She left the farm to become a hitman in Wrath. The market for assassin's is actually inflated in Wrath, it's high competition, so she was in between jobs. Blitz finds her after she stole their kill, and offers to pay her double. She accepts (Even though he went back on this, he does not pay her double. In fact, she barely gets enough to survive between both her and Moxie.)" She's hired by IMP to do various assassin jobs, and then Blitz decides to move to a different ring and use humans as their new clientele. This is an extremely smart move for his business, because there's quite literally zero competition for this. Millie for some reason thinks she "won't fit in"(??? you don't need to?) because imps are only good for their muscle" This doesn't make sense for Millie to say here. If anything she should have been more insecure staying in Wrath BECAUSE she would be actively compared to the higher competition of her birthplace. Here, they've hit a gold mine.

"Blitz, you made me realize I could be anything! Not just a simple farm girl or underpaid goon." But you are. Millie IS a simple farm girl and underpaid goon. Assassins are extremely common jobs for imps in wrath. She has not subverted people's expectations nor does she have a unique job to that of an imp.

"My mom said sweat, blood, and hard work washes the tears right off!" - Okay now THIS is the first piece of Millie development we have received in perhaps ever!! This implies that Millie's mother/family were emotionally unavailable to her as a child. That whenever she was upset/miserable, she was taught to bury her sadness with work. Which indicates she's a workaholic who probably needs therapy / has trouble expressing emotions properly. This would be a direct cause/effect action that shaped her into who she is today. This is an actual real Millie moment, and it comes from a passing comment. I don't think the writers caught on to what they did here, but THIS is good Millie development! THIS is a genuine character trait that is all hers!

~~~

Some stuff that did get a genuine chuckle out of me:

"I should have been a theater critic, I have objectively correct opinions!"- Moxie , It's also nice to see Moxie attempting to be the brains of the operation again, trying to solve their financial crisis, even if there's no way to save it.

"Your husband is still a little fuckable." - That actually made me laugh too despite the context being a little confused

Anyhow, overall the episode felt like it could have been 15 min long. They should have shortened it. We didn't really get much Millie backstory or character development. Instead of being insecure about her womanhood due to stereotypes(bad wife), she's now insecure about her race/species due to stereotypes (inbred brute). It's still not the best, but it's better than the leaked storyboard. Otherwise the entire episode was basically Blitz wanting to fuck a ghost. Also Blitz's trauma... again. Felt like filler you could frankly delete.

#helluva boss critical #text post #ill talk about the other episodes later in separate posts

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mamaladeskies · 10 months ago

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Shutline is Nasty Business

I happened upon Shutline the animation by chance as I was surfing an unnamed website for the next thing to watch when the poster of Jake and Shin caught my eye.

Tell me, how could I pass this? Look at their shadow!

I pressed play immediately, expecting a buddy cop show because I didn't read the description -- descriptions are for the weak, plus this is as adventurous as I get. What I did not expect was the low budget animation and the nastiness (compliment)!

Yoh, I'll be honest, I was about to dip and skip this anime because the characters look like paper-people with a voice actor slapped on top, and frankly after reading the manhwa, I stand by it.

But! The moment the show started to linger on Shin's features, I had to find out where this was going. I'm talking like precious seconds dedicated to Shin's ass.

I was not disappointed. Shortly after, Shin was on his knees paying homage to Jake's glorious manhood. This is fancy speak for Shin was giving Jake a bj in public.

My eyes were nearly watering in disbelief! I don't think I've seen something this mature in animation, to be fair though I don't watch a lot of anime. The closest thing may be Citrus but it was not this mature. Citrus was mainly sensual with lots of kissing and it had a semblance of a plot. Shutline's plot did not make sense, so while I kept watching for the mature content I was also trying to understand what the hell was going on.

At the end of 5 episodes each 5 or 6 minutes long, I was thoroughly confused. It made sense that the next course of action was reading the manhwa.

I finished Vol 1 in a matter of hours, it's that good. The manhwa caters fully to my tastes: two masculine men, grey characters who are well developed, no declaration of love, instead their actions communicate it, an interesting action driven plot, slow burn, no heteronormativity, and aged-up characters who are actually mature.

The drawings were also really good; those of the characters, I especially love how Shin looks, and the background as well. It's obvious the author is not cutting corners.

Something else I need to commend is how the author was able to communicate their sexual tension in drawing. There's a scene where Jake goes to visit Shin at the garage and then we get these panels of Shin's muscular build and Jake being discreetly hot and bothered. The fact that Jake could get turned on by Shin's armpit... I'm in awe.

In girl love (gl) mangas that I've read when the author has panels focused on the women's intimate parts like boobs, sometimes I'm like, what was the reason! Because the woman might only be doing mundane stuff like reading with no love interest in site to warrant such close ups. Thanks to Shutline I've seen the potential of such close ups.

Which brings me to something else; the sex has greater purpose! When the characters had sex within the first several episodes I was sure I'd soon get bored if the story was stuffed full with them and do thorough skimming, but I was wholly satisfied to find that they're purposeful.

For one, yes it helps take their relationship to the next level -- one sex scene shows us how Jake is pushing his boundaries for Shin. And two, it's advancing the plot -- in Vol 2 Shin and Jake have a discussion that determines where the plot goes next while having sex. In this particular scene we also get to see Shin trick Jake which was interesting, finally my boy gets a point against Jake.

A nitpick I have is how Jake reminds me of Wilson Fisk from Into the Spiderverse, both Fisk and Jake fill the screen/panel and they both like black suits. I swear I am not reaching, I just can't unsee it.

I don't think I have a major critique of the manhwa yet. As for the animation; it's very obvious important back stories were cut so that you need to have read the manhwa to get it, what's majorly left is the mature scenes. This makes me think that the animation might be fan service. It is not a bad thing, but I definitely stand by the fact that the story itself is so good it deserves better.

This reddit user says that Shutline has the potential to rival KinnPorsche and I have to agree, but only if done well.

#yaoi #shutline #bl manhwa #moon shingun #jake gillan #review

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anadrym · 3 months ago

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Extended Author's Notes for Left Behind Ch13.

Spoilers!

Chapter title is from "Monster" by Starset. I've held off on Starset for long enough. We're gonna be seeing more of their songs going forward because I love their music.

I absolutely hated the paragraph about Cait getting the window open so she could sneak in. I reworked it several times before giving up. I still hate it.

I said this last week, but the reason there are so few guards at the mansion is because the Baroness essentially just walked into the territory of an "ally" she doesn't trust. She takes quite a few people with her to make sure Chross doesn't try anything.

The scene of Caitlyn questioning and killing the handler and the other guy was inspired by Joel interrogating David's men in The Last of Us.

This has absolutely no bearing on the story, but I want you to know that I thought of it: Vi has (had) two handlers. They worked in shifts, five-day weeks, and had nights off. Worker's rights. :)

At first, I had Caitlyn trying to find the door to the basement and couldn't get it to work without her seeming... omniscient? And then I realized I could just make the guy tell her.

"She reloads her rifle and descends" - character descending into the darkness in the desperate hope of saving their loved one? At least Cait will be more sucessful than Orpheus.

Ah, the maid. Last week, I mentioned that I had originally meant for Vi's intended victim to be a maid the Baroness suspected of being a mole? This is her! She's also the voice on the radio from the end of Ch11. Not to worry, sparing her was absolutely the right decision.

I do love it when POV characters lose time. Easiest transition ever. Great way to pass over boring bits. 10/10, would recommend.

Remember how I mentioned that Caitlyn can pick locks? The entire purpose of that was to emphasize her panic here; she doesn't even bother trying.

Can shooting a lock unlock it? Can a person pump a rifle one-handed? It's impossible to say for sure, but that's fanfiction, baby! (Also, this scene was brought to you by Terminator 2. Terminator 2: it was cool how he did that.)

Yes, the whole sequence of Cait killing the doctors was practically stolen from The Last of Us. Even down to the three people. Also, ruthless Caitlyn is so badass, it's so much fun to write.

Pretty much everything from Cait finding Vi on the table to the part where she starts to dress her has been finished for months. I think it was one of the first things I wrote for this fic.

Also, because a few of you brought this up: it was absolutely necessary to me that Caitlyn see what Maintenance did to Vi. We all know Vi downplays her own pain so she doesn't burden others. Now if she tries to say it wasn't that bad, Cait can say "No, I saw what it did to you. I know how bad it was."

Cait puts the pistol on the table because she's in too much of a hurry to holster it. :)

When I imagine how bad Vi looks right now, especially coughing up blood, I think a lot about the episode of The Walking Dead where Glen gets sick at the prison? It was a long time ago, but a very nice piece of whump.

Vi does have a catheter port on her chest for the nutrient feed, but the Maintenance injections are just done straight through the skin and into the veins, kinda like drawing blood? That's why the one on the inside of her left thigh is infected.

Caitlyn, bandaging Vi's wounds while being terrifyingly aware of their time limit: "Wow, I'm doing a terrible job. My dad would be disappointed."

The ring! Vi was so desperate to hold onto herself that she's managed to mangle her thumb. Caitlyn doesn't realize the significance of the ring, she only knows that Vi's been hurting herself with it. Honestly, she wants nothing to do with it. Thankfully, she pockets it instead of tossing it. Also, I got a question about why Cait didn't recognize the ring. There are two reasons: 1. she didn't take any time to look at it, they're in too much of a hurry, and 2. I really like the idea of Cassandra and Tobias having very simple wedding rings, just a solid gold band each, with nothing distinctive about them, so she probably wouldn't have recognized it anyway. She'll find out about it when Vi tells her what it is; the scene is very sweet. <3

"There you are." - It was so important to me that, even in all of this fear and chaos, our girls got even a brief moment where they could just take comfort in each other and the fact that they're both alive and together again. Also, forehead kisses, my beloved.

Ugh, the amount of trust here. Vi is cold and weak and hurt; she doesn't know what's going on and she doesn't understand words that she knows she should. But none of that matters, because Cait is here and she trusts Caitlyn to get them out. I'm ill.

And then Caitlyn repaying that trust by telling Vi what she's doing and giving her as much autonomy as she can. :'(

Vi is barefoot. Just for the drama.

Mmm, when the character who uses their body as a human shield is then shielded by someone else? *chef's kiss*

The part where Caitlyn tries to hold off the bottleneck at the door and then Vi saves her at the last second was inspired by the scene of Rex and Ahsoka from the finale arc of Clone Wars.

I want to clarify: Caitlyn is not out of bullets for her rifle, she just needed to reload. She's still got both guns.

Hey, wanna hurt yourself more? Imagine if Cait did get shot here. They'd definitely hook Vi back up. But also, the Baroness would absolutely do the same thing to Caitlyn that she did to Vi five years ago.

I'm quite fond of the idea of Vi teaching Cait the basics of boxing and Caitlyn teaching Vi how to use each of her guns. Power couple sharing weapons is an amazing trope.

Wow. Thank god there was only one guy left when Caitlyn's rifle ran out of ammo. ;)

You might think that Caitlyn's greatest strengths are her marksmanship and her intellect. But actually, it's her ability to compartmentalize and give herself a very strict schedule for feeling her emotions. Three seconds is perfect for mentally recovering from almost being shot.

Vi is doing her absolute damnedest to stay conscious and aware here. She doesn't want to slow them down, and she's going to do her best to protect Caitlyn too. She's desperate not to be left behind again (not that she blames Cait; there's just a lot of trauma there).

Teaser for next week:

As she claws her way back to reality, she hears muffled thumps, a sharp cry of pain, and the choked sound of a breath cutting off. Vi pries her eyes open to see two figures just a few feet from her, locked in a struggle over Caitlyn's rifle. The larger figure has his arm wrapped around the other's throat.

Caitlyn makes an awful, breathless noise as she squirms in the man's grip, but her movements are weak and uncoordinated. Her eyes, wide and bloodshot, meet Vi's with terrified desperation.

#my writing #extended author's notes #all the things we left behind #left behind

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corawithfanfiction · 3 months ago

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I Should've Kissed You Longer I Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Episode 3

episode 2 - episode 4

MY MASTERLIST! - EVENTS!

This is an original story and may not be copied or translated into another language without permission!

summary: Steve Rogers is awake, but things are not going as Y/N expected

warnings: loss, denial, uncertainty of death, amnesia, loss of memory, non-contact, obscurity, mourning, unconsciousness. Country agendas. bad language about countries, au wars between countries. The countries and wars mentioned in the story are fictional - they are not indicative of hatred for any nation.

Author Note: I know that a few chapters are short, but the first chapters are a bit short as I need to cut the story in logical places as the chapters will get longer and longer. According to the current plans, our story will be around 27-28 chapters, enjoy your reading.

(1070 words)

28 June, Friday

Before noon

It seems I no longer have the right to call you darling. That right has been ripped away from me.

You woke up. It was strange, so much so that my brain erased most of the details, I must have been in some kind of shock.

Natasha's and Tony's efforts paid off, I went home and took a quick shower, ate some crackers and brushed my teeth. The room you were in was getting hotter and hotter, and if you would remember me in this state of disrepair, you would forget me. Besides, I didn't want your eyes to bleed.

When I came back without wasting time, they took you to a normal room. It must be because they guessed that I would make a mess when I couldn't find you where I left you, Bucky was waiting for me at the door. He brought me to you, where I was, outside your room. I came here about half an hour ago, it comes to life in front of my eyes as I look at your room. I went inside with my hands and feet trembling. They had a yellowish - nutritionally supplemented- serum attached to his arm, there was a relaxing heat in the room, the thought of being able to curle and sleep like a cat next to him at all time seemed to me as a very good sek. In a room of the headquarters with light, with large windows overlooking the forest, you were lying between the cliffs, and everything was exactly as I remembered, except for a thin squeak on your face. Didn't you think the famous place I was waiting for you at your door was any hospital, did you?

He has a better equipment than the hospital, I wish his doctors were also smart.

Then, I sat down on your press and you woke up very soon.

It was poetic, it was really more than poetic. The first moment I saw your eyes again, I realized again that I didn't make the middle stand up so much, that whatever I do for you will be better. If I couldn't see these eyes again, I wouldn't be any different from an astronaut with an umbilical cord broken in space, believe me. I would stay in the void.

Your eyes found me, I felt like when I first saw you.

It's like a few volts of electricity was given, but that feeling has passed the speed.

I desperately waited for you to say something and react for a few seconds.

You didn't do anything. The moment I opened my mouth to say something, you froze to Bucky and you smiled, you opened your arms to her and you thought

Tony came, right after. He told you a few stunny things and you hugged her too, Natasha or. There was no one else coming and going yet, Tony turned his eyes at me after asking you a few unnecessary questions. I didn't know what my hundert expression was like, but it must have told everything.

He was sad and sadness flowing from his eyes. He asked you a question that my name and remembering was mentioned. Your face was the same.

Bucky also said a few things, I didn't listen. When he finally opened his lips to say something, the axis of the dúnyar seemed to have changed. "I've never seen this woman before."

At that moment, I was in the void that broke the rope. I could only look at you for a few seconds, I examined your face. I knew this strange expression, as if it was a lie. But why? Why would you lie to me? If I made you angry and that's why you were doing it to hurt me, to understand your value, I didn't do anything to make you angry before I fell.

Why would you do this?

So you really don't remember me.

So I'm just anyone in your eyes. Maybe you felt the guilt that you saw that I was sad and that you would upset me even more.

Yes, it makes more sense that way, unfortunately. God must have an exam, your

The fact that I have a problem in my 'expertise' field and I can't do anything…

You're lying, I thought to myself. I was tilted to my side, why?

The fact that everyone in the room suddenly shut up and turned to me clearly stated that I didn't really think about those words, I realized this much later.

At that moment, I was just focused on you and resisting not to cry. You almost looked at me in the terror. Your lips were paved, maybe you thought what does this think he is, who is he who can say you are lying to me.

I know your lies, Steve. Your facial expression had the same expression as the lies you told when you pretended to forget an important day or when you were about to make a small surprise. The noble and the biggest difference was the smile on his face, other than that it was exactly the same, and another difference, unlike the previous ones, I didn't like this lie at all.

Tony said a few things and distracted the subject and drew your attention to himself again. The sound of my heart breaking melt in my ears. I just wanted to cry at the look just now. It seems that I made everything up just like that. Still, after stopping for a while and watching you so that it is not understood that it is for this reason - whenever I am hurt or sad about something, I leave the environment after the subject has completely changed and I don't know why I just did this - got up and left.

We are in front of a line, darling, a very thin line; even if we cross, we will not be able to notice, even if we do, we will not be able to take it back.

This time we are on the finish line.

Y/N

TAG LIST:

@nekoannie-chan@delilah-heythere-blog@delilah-hey@calimoi@nanamiswh0r3@shamrockqueen@afrapic@bstrgar@schrutepark13@shadyloveobject@tfandtws@katmock@veryempathatic@temmxi@bobgirllll@just-a-hungry-reader@svechniswift@biancsthings@thesorcererstale@dxbrevgrey@smallmarvel@chrisevansbuddy @caplanreblogsfics @slavicangelmuah @nekoannie-chan

#chris evans #steve rogers #captain america #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #chris evans x fem!reader #steve rogers x fem!reader #captain america x fem!reader #avengers x reader #avengers x fem!reader #steve rogers x y/n #corawithfanfiction #mcucastedit

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distinguishedstudentfishalien · 1 year ago

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AHHH ok, let's talk about Lucifer and Alastor

I've been reading a lot of reactions to Hazbin: from the gushers who think the show is perfect to the hyper-critical who hate the show, the creator, and everything in between. I don't fall into any of those categories. I had a lot of fun watching it, but there were some things I liked, and some others I didn't. You know, as it's usually the case with any piece of media one interacts with.

I love reading other people's opinions. It makes me pay more attention to things I might have missed. BUT for Hazbin, most of the criticism I've seen boils down to two things: either "I, personally, didn't like it, so that means it's bad" which is not the hot take people seem to think it is, or just lack of media literacy.

I won't go over all the examples of that last point (there are plenty), but one example people are using to criticize the show --which I can't seem to get out of my head so now I have to write about it-- it's how out of left field it was for Alastor to think of himself as a father figure to Charlie.

My guys and guysettes, that's because he doesn't.

He does it to piss off Lucifer, because he doesn't like him. That's it.

"But they just met, why doesn't he like him?" I don't know! but let's go over some examples, shall we?

In the first episode, during Alastor's TV ad, we see a picture of the hotel, clearly drawn by him. I ask you to look to the bottom left where it says "No tacky circus decor! I promise"

Do we know what he is referring to? Sure we do! the ring circus master himself! Lucifer Morningstar, whose whole schtick is circus-related. Clearly, Alastor is not a fan.

When Lucifer arrives to the hotel, did anybody catch Alastor's first reaction? (besides calling him short to his face, ofc)

Do you see that trembling eye? He is PISSED. Why? Who the hell knows! But he clearly does not care for the King of Hell himself (if you force me to give you my opinion on this, I think it's because of Alastor's delusions of grandeur, and plain-ole narcissism, but that is a conversation for another post, if I ever gather enough energy to write it)

He introduces himself and immediately does this. R-U-D-E.

Now, let's talk about the song itself, which, again, is clearly just an attempt to piss off Lucifer and not really about Charlie. At all.

He only cares about Lucifer's reactions. Because he is not being HONEST. We can all see that? right?? I mean, it is pretty FREAKING obvious. He is just trying to get a rise out of Lucifer.

And now, the moment we were all waiting for, the infamous "call me dad" moment.

Which had nothing to do with Charlie, and it was just another example of Alastor being the most annoying bastard alive. He is not even looking at her! He is staring Lucifer dead in the eye and saying "piss off shortie".

Why? Again, I dunno. Your guess is as good as mine. I hope we'll get the answer in season 2, because immediate animosity against the King of Hell himself is something I need some context for. Is it funny? Absolutely! I love that song! The violin solo? PURE GOLD (he he)

But for the love of Christ and the Antichrist, please stop thinking of "Alastor thinks of himself as Charlie's dad out of nowhere" as a valid criticism. As some have speculated, Alastor involvement with Charlie will probably have something to do with Alastor's deal and 7-year absence. If it's never explained, then sure, what the heck Vivzie?? please include it on the show!

There are PLENTY of things we could criticize about Hazbin (and people smarter and with more energy than me have done so already). But there are so many examples of "criticism" that are just examples of "I don't know how to interact with media anymore" and I beg of you to do better. This is a tiny example of the show showing and not telling, and some of y'all failed the comprehension test.

It is a fun show, guys. Enjoy it.

TL;DR: Alastor does not think he is Charlie's dad, ffs. He just wanted to piss off Lucifer.

#and NO #he is NOT jealous #I do not ship Alstor and Charlie #she has a girlfiend #he is an ace in the hole or whatever it is that Rosie said #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #my beloved #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie

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lady-of-ocs · 4 months ago

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i'm gonna strangle miya atsumu fr fr

So it's been a hot sec since I made a post about my Haikyuu watching experience. So long, in fact, that I now only have three episodes left of the season. Which means I'm almost done with the show (I'll be watching the dumpster battle movie again after, but GOD). I'm a tad emotional. That being said, I have a lot to cover! So I'll just jump right into it. Please excuse my many screenshots and my gushing and rambling about volleyball boys.

I have several reasons why I want to kick Miya Atsumu but him and his goddamn theme song when he goes up to serve (plus the silencing hand gesture) are a big one. Cocky motherfucker I WILL GET YOU.

Also the fact that they'll sort of recap at the beginning of the next episode so I HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH HINATA JUMPING AND NOT HITTING THE BALL TWICE. Me watching it like mama mia, here we go again-

Also I was delighted to realize that Suna's English VA is also the English VA for Langa (Sk8 the Infinity - yes, I'm going to keep bringing up that show because it holds a special place in my heart). It took me hearing him and his internal monologues a couple times, and then I confirmed it with the wikis, but I was like I KNEW IT WAS YOU!!!!

As some of you may have read, I didn't know that 1. this Inarizaki game would take up the rest of the season, and 2. Karasuno ultimately loses against Hoshiumi's team and does not win nationals. I don't know why I was under the impression that they won the whole thing, but the knowledge that they didn't sort of took me out for about a day.

Every time I see Miya Atsumu I flip him off through my screen. I'm only half joking (I don't do it every time I see him, but I do it every time he annoys me).

Inarizaki's crowd is so GRRRRR. Like, they're loud and obnoxious, they booed the opposing team's servers (to quote myself from my google doc: eat shit and die <3), and they also BOO THEIR OWN PLAYERS. I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD FEEL BAD FOR INARIZAKI UNTIL THAT FIRST YEAR PINCH SERVER CAME UP AND THEN GOT BOOED AFTER KARASUNO SCORED. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY'S NAME BUT I WAS LIKE "I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THIS BOY???? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE????"

I gushed about her a lot already but KANOKA??? I LOVE her analysis of Tanaka and all the flashbacks about the two of them as kids. I'm going to start a fight over her.

I WAS WAITING FOR SAEKO AND SHE DID APPEAR. LET'S FUCKING GO SAEKO!!!!! Low key she was my favorite Tanaka for a second. Such a good big sis.

They've done this a lot, but I really like the little moments where it cuts away from the game to show other characters' perspectives. And sometimes those characters give me an analysis of something and I learn more about volleyball. I loved when we got to see Akaashi breaking down Kageyama's serves, for example! And after the Nekoma game, both Kenma and Kuroo did some breakdowns of the game. I even enjoy listening to Daishou! But that's because even if I don't like Daishou on his own, I really like him and Mika! I like listening to him explain things to her, and she always listens and does her best to understand because volleyball is important to her boyfriend!

Half of my notes are just me screaming, but I liked these bullet points that were pretty much back to back: "Miya Atsumu and his bitch ass serves" "ATSUMU YOU BITCH" "I don't like this. I don't like this at all. I don't like the Miya twins talking to each other like that. Fucking Miyas" "FUCK YOU MIYA TWINS" "The Miya quick is mad impressive but I HATE THEM. I HATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS" "I love Aran though. Fuck the Miya twins, Aran's my man"

SPEAKING OF ARAN. I was so confused because I was like "it sounds like they're calling him Alan???" AND APPARENTLY IN THE ENGLISH DUB THEY ARE CALLING HIM ALAN. Fuck that, I like Aran. I've been calling him Aran this whole time and I'm not going to stop just because the English dub says so.

Why do I prefer Osamu? Osamu literally was (internally) like "see actually I don't trust this bitch" ABOUT HIS OWN TWIN BROTHER. AND THAT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. I hate 'em but I love 'em. The Miya twins sure are something.

I don't remember the context for this one but: "This man" (????) talking about Kagehina: they have a connection Me: That's gay

OH GIRL DO NOT INSULT TANAKA WITH KANOKA AROUND. DRILL A HOLE IN THEIR HEADS WITH YOUR EYES BAE

Okay I LOVE watching Tsukki spike. He's so tall and Kageyama tosses the ball up higher which forces him to jump super high and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Okay, I swear there was one episode where everyone just looked so funky and weird. I love taking screenshots of cool moments (or just when I'm gushing in my notes about "x character is so awesome" or "y character is so handsome look at him!") but I was just off put by one episode. Like, the art style changed in season 4, but there's one episode that I was like "I truly hate how this looks."

“Are you scared of that tiny little blocker?” “Like hell I’m scared!” And then Hinata being like “do you mean that?! 🥺” and Osamu’s “well yeah." A solid interaction. 10/10 no notes. Osamu is truly my favorite twin

I was really wondering who the worst blocker to deal with was when Hinata was talking about him, and I didn't recognize the voice. BUT THEN-

IT'S MATTSUN!!!! Of course it's Mattsun! Obviously! I saw them and got so excited. I was like OH MY GOD IT'S THEMMMMMM!!!! They're on a date <3 No because girl I LOVE Matsuhana. They delight me. I have a folder for them in my Haikyuu Pinterest folder.

THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS. ASANOYA FOREVER BABY

My eyes light up every time Asahi does something well (on purpose or not)

So, at first I was so delighted by Tsukki's laugh (it's fueling my life force actually) BUT THEN I STARTED NOTICING EVERYONE ELSE AND I WAS LIKE ?????? ENNOSHITA WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOUR EYE. WHAT’S WRONG WITH EVERYONE’S EYES???

HINATA WAS SO EXCITED TO SERVE AND THEN HE GOT SWAPPED OUT WITH YAMAGUCHI OH BLESS HIS LITTLE GINGER HEART

Okay, speaking of Yamaguchi and his serves. I got so nervous for him when I noticed his reset point had been blocked. I was like "how are we going to fix this? Oh my god poor Tadashi!" I figured if there was some Tsukkiyama moment where he focused on Tsukki or something to calm himself down, I'd have heard about it and seen screenshots and analyses about it, but I did secretly hope. But what Shimada did was hella wholesome and I was like AWWWWW Ain't no way that Tadashi heard him from that distance but it's okay. It's plot magic <3

I got confused because the episode started with Tanaka talking to Kanoka again but it was just like. A flashback I guess. TANAKA WAS ALL GIGGLY OVER HER YET DIDN’T WANNA DATE HER. I RESPECT HIS DEDICATION TO KIYOKO BUT ALSO GIRL SHE DON’T WANT YOU RIGHT NOW. THERE’S A PERFECTLY SWEET, NICE GIRL IN FRONT OF YOU. TANAKA WAKE UP

“You played like an ace!” “Thanks” “yeah well, that’s his job” TSUKKI CAN I HAVE AN ASANOYA MOMENT IN PEACE THANK YOU

Okay, so the whole mini arc of Tanaka really struggling and getting targeted by Atsumu's serves was a whole thing for me. He's such an under appreciated character and he works so hard. And I love Noya but he totally stole that receive from Tanaka. I don't think he meant to but, from what I could tell, Tanaka had that receive. Inarizaki was playing mind games with him and I was just like "STOP BULLYING MY BOY FOR TWO SECONDS." This feeling was only furthered when we cut to Bokuto and he gave us the insight of "That's enough to make a guy feel like he's doing everything wrong." WHICH. THANKS FOR THE INSIGHT INTO A SPIKER'S MIND, BO. I BECAME VERY CONCERNED FOR TANAKA. But as a side note, that helped me understand Bokuto a bit better as well!

This man would intimidate the hell out of me irl but HE SURE IS HOT

I'M NOT RELIGIOUS BUT I'D LIKE TO THANK GOD FOR THE FLASHBACKS OF FIRST YEAR TANAKA AND THE THIRD YEARS AS SECOND YEARS. I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

EVERYONE SHUT UP WHILE I CRY OVER THEM

i love these motherfuckers so much

Tanaka shaving his head and Suga immediately being like “let me touch it!” followed by the sounds of Suga actually rubbing Tanaka’s head is why Suga is my love

I love how much faith in Tanaka everyone has. It’s really wholesome

So this bit confused me because it’s the old animation style, so clearly it must’ve been in the show in the past three seasons, but I don’t remember it at all P.S. hello my beloved Asahi and your old man bun ❤️✨❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨ I miss you baby (it’s gotta be from season 1 if his hair is like that??)

THE WAY I GASPED AND SAID TSUKKI REALLY LOUD. MY SWEET SALTY TALL GOLDEN FRENCH FRY OF A BOY THIS IS NOT WHAT TANAKA NEEDS AND GOD. THE WAY TANAKA JUST DROPPED HIS HANDS. IT HURT SO MUCH AGHHHH TSUKKI YOU ARE SUCH A BASTARD (I love him but he's a bitch)

And the Bokuaka fans go wild!

I’m so grateful for Hinata being such an uplifting boy. He’s gonna hype up Tanaka again (and even Tsukki can appreciate that). Someone insert me into this show right now because I need to give Tanaka a hug

LOOK HOW EXCITED EVERYONE IS. LOOK AT SAEKO GETTING EMOTIONAL. I’M GONNA GET EMOTIONAL. TANAKA WITH HIS FUCKING CUT SHOT (is that what that's called????) OH M Y G OD

I love Kanoka actually and I love her friendship with Tanaka and I wish that they got together because oh my god they’d be so cute

Me seeing Kuroo in the mini preview for the next episode: gasp mi amor?

We interrupt this Inarizaki-Karasuno game for what I like to call the Nekoma & KuroKen duo episodes. I liked these a lot and I have way too many screenshots of Kuroo either looking at Kenma so SO fondly/lovingly or with that same expression while thinking about Kenma. SO.

Find you a man who looks at you the way Kuroo looks when he’s talking about Kenma

The fact that Kuroo is a reason why Kenma keeps playing. Not the sole reason, but it’s sweet how much he cares (even if he’s being a cat about it and not showing how much that is)

Kenma: *Says goodnight and goes up the stairs* Me: goodnight my sweet prince *blows a kiss at the screen*

Baby KuroKen!

And also the fact that Kuroo must have a key to Kenma's house because how the hell could he have gotten in otherwise. Also Kenma's just like me fr fr

I love when Yaku and Kuroo use smart shit to insult each other. They’re both significantly smarter than I am because I didn't get ANY of that

“There’s only one way to defeat Nekoma: take out the brain.” I love that Kenma is just now known as the brain. He’s so smart. I love him so very much

KENMA IMAGINING FUN AND FUNKY SCENERY TO ENTERTAIN HIMSELF WHILE HE RUNS HE’S JUST LIKE ME FR FR I also started laughing so much when he was tired in the middle of lifting weights. I FEEL YOU KENMA. SQUATS ARE EXHAUSTING ESPECIALLY WITH WEIGHTS

ALSO KUROO TELLING HIM TO PLAY NICE WITH THE OTHERS. BABY ARE YOU HIS BEST FRIEND OR HIS MOM

I like this too much to not include it: Ah, Yamamoto Take-trying-so-hard. Love him

YAMAMOTO PULLED A HINATA AND COLLIDED WITH AN UPPERCLASSMAN (Kuroo). OH HONEY I’M SO SORRY

Someone help that frightened cat please

In case anyone was wondering, Fukunaga became one of my favorite Nekoma players from this episode alone. The way he deescalated the situation by THROWING A BUCKET OF WATER ON THEM BOTH. CACKLING. I LOVE THIS BOY.

I also didn't know that this flashback was when Kenma told Fukunaga he was funny, but it was really cute. I hear Fukunaga is a comedian in the future and that makes me very happy.

LOOK AT HOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER LOOKS AT KENMA AND TELL ME HE ISN’T IN LOVE I FUCKING DARE YOU

“You can call me Tora if you want” AW TORAAAAAAA And the immediate cut to Kenma calling him Tora!

I really said “get it Taketoraaaaaa” and then he served it directly into the net

Kenma is more capable than he’s given credit for, honestly. And he’s very smart! I love listening to him talk strategy

He’s so sexy I hate him (no I don’t)

Tora having this big internal monologue about Kenma is actually really beautiful. Kenma finishes what he starts no matter how much he might dislike or even hate it. And that’s beautiful and admirable

“But I’m not good…We are, together.” KENMA YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY

Obviously I knew that Nekoma would win because I’ve seen garbage battle but OH THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. KENMA I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. FUKUNAGA YOU ARE THE MVP

Kenma needs to sleep for at least 12 hours after this. I’m so proud of him, though

Kenma getting defensive over the fact that he actually cares about his teammates enough to push himself and work hard is such a Kenma thing and I love him. He's literally a cat in human form. He'd hate me for it but I just want to squish him (affectionately). Also, Tora being so touched that Kenma tried. I love it here

Mama Kuroo strikes again. Telling his boyfriend to have a banana because he’s low on carbohydrates

And then Kuroo looking back at Kenma with the same look (you know the one at this point). Meanwhile I'm just screaming at my phone HE’S DOING THE DAMN LOOK AGAIN YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW

THEY’RE WATCHING KARASUNO!!! And that was a beautiful kill, Hinata!

Get your hand off your hip you cunty motherfucker

And back to our regularly scheduled match: WAIT IT’S EPISODE 19 THAT MEANS I ONLY HAVE 7 EPISODES LEFT OH NO

Not it opening on Miya Atsumu and his theme song and me being like “oh not this shit again”

FIRST KENMA’S THE TARGET AND NOW IT’S NISHINOYA- LEAVE MY SHORT KINGS ALONE Also, Kenma was able to strategize around that fact and I’m trying to decide if Nishinoya is smart enough to also do that or if he’ll just sort of adapt

The fact that they’re messing up Nishinoya to fuck up the rest of the team GRRRR MIYA ATSUMU WHEN I CATCH YOU

Everyone is so tense and I’m right there with them. I know Karasuno wins and I DON’T KNOW HOW (to be fair, the boys did not win this second set)

If Asahi gives Nishinoya a rousing pep talk my little Asanoya heart will exit the atmosphere. It will absolutely SOAR

TANAKA WALKING UP TO HIM ONLY FOR NOYA TO DROP AND DO PUSH UPS ISN’T AS SHIP INSPIRING BUT I FUCKING CACKLED WHEN HE DID IT It was a little less funny when I realized he was doing it to keep calm and also punish himself. But when he first did it I was like "PFFFT NISHINOYA"

How can Atsumu be so childlike in terms of his awe of other players and the game, yet such a massive dick at the same time

Do I like seeing the twins succeed? Not exactly. But I do like seeing Osamu and Suna work together! Yes, I like Sunaosa as well. I can't find nearly enough content for them, actually (just read a really good fic for them yesterday, though. I'm a sucker for friends to lovers, WHAT CAN I SAY)

HOLY SHIT. I GOT SO EXCITED ABOUT TSUKKI BLOCKING AND THEN SUNA GOT IT PAST HIM AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL

Hey fucker I’m gonna need you to shut up before I kiss you

He’s telling Tsukki that he’s a fantastic blocker what kind of mind games is this man playing AND TSUKKI SAID “sure jackass” AS SUNA WALKED AWAY. ALL THE FACE KISSES FOR TSUKKI I LOVE YOU HON

Are you telling me Suna can spike past Tsukki because he’s a tilty bastard with a strong core?

“The better the blockers are, the easier it is for Suna to control them.” Oh. So he meant it when he told Tsukki he was a good blocker, but it was like. Secretly him giving away that he’s making it easier by being good

Loved the cut to Kenma and Kuroo talking about Suna, and Kenma understanding what was happening and prompting Kuroo to think so that he'd get it too.

Aran is so fucking powerful and I want to dislike him but I simply can’t

Me at this point in the episode: Also you know who I miss? Kita. Where’s Kita? Because he’s sure as hell not on the court

I ALREADY MENTIONED IT BUT I REMEMBER GASPING IN UTTER SHOCK AND HORROR WHEN I REALIZED THAT THE INARIZAKI CROWD WAS BOOING THEIR OWN PLAYER. SEND HELP FOR THAT LITTLE FIRST YEAR PLEASE

I love how I could recognize who was serving because Kageyama’s the only one who does the little ball twirl. Which, I could be wrong, but does Oikawa do the same thing? Did he pick that spin up from Oikawa?

I said give them hell, Tobio AND HELL HE DID GIVE

Hinata is the walking Kageyama instruction manual and that delights me

This was just another moment on the bench until I noticed Kageyama holding his hands like he’s still got a volleyball in them and I got really endeared to him

I muttered “murder, Tobio, MURDER” to myself aloud and HE MURDERED AGAIN LETS GO MY SON

“Well shit” I AM DELIGHTED THAT WAS SO BAD Also thank you Daman Mills I know you’re gay but I’d at least like to hug you for this amazing performance

Miya twins arguing and then mama Aran smacking Atsumu. Beauty at its finest

Me at this point in the episode: Oh fuck here comes Kita

Duuuude Kita’s good what kind of drugs is he on to make him think he isn’t

The fact that Kita didn’t get to play properly until THIS YEAR is kind of soul crushing. And heartbreaking

There’s a softness to Aran and Kita that I cannot describe. Maybe that thought process will change but I like them already and I’ve only seen this one flashback of them Okay yeah this is soft as hell. Kita’s words helping Aran focus? This is beautiful

Besties who judge together stay together <3

KITA CARES SO MUCH. I’M OVER HERE MAKING THE SAME FACES AND WHIMPER NOISES AS ATSUMU AS SOON AS I SEE THAT KITA LEFT HIM FOOD

Kita crying because he was made captain- STOP I’M EMOTIONAL

You google romance and this scene pops up fr fr ARAN MAKING KITA LAUGH- STOP IT

Kita has the face of an angel but HE AIN’T (just kidding he is)

Asahi's not great at pep talks but the fact that he's trying his best is so sweet. I love this man

I LOVE WHEN ASAHI DOES A THING AND THESE TWO ARE JUST SO HAPPY/PROUD

AND THE WAY NOYA SMILES AT HIM GADKJF:LSDJFLSKDJFLSDKJF:LSKDJFL:SKJ I FUCKING LOVE ASANOYA

Asahi and Noya: having a moment Kageyama: hold on let me make it about me for a sec (I say this with all the affection we love a boy who can't read social cues)

I feel like they reuse that Atsumu walking up to serve and silencing the music bit. Like, it’s been the same thing three times now. It’s fine. If he’s repetitive about it then it makes sense

Kita is so smart and he knows his teammates so well. I can’t even just call him the Miya whisperer because he’s like that with EVERYONE

“Oh yeah, this is what fear feels like” THE FACT THAT HE FORGOT IS SUCH A NISHINOYA THING

Thank you Daishou for that absolutely delightful lesson in volleyball rotations! I knew a bit of that but learned something new as well! And I love that Mika gets it and listens to him and he gets excited when she understands! I’m not a Daishou fan but I sure am a Daishou and Mika fan!

“Uh oh, looks like I just stole your big, important job.” TSUKKIIIIIII I’M CACKLING

Suna: monologuing about going up against amazing blockers

me: TENDOUUUUUUUU

Great serve by Daichi! And then I swear to god he received it with his shoulder or something

Tsukki and Suna: having their intense stare down Me in the background: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FI-

Me watching Kinoshita go up to serve: h- hey. Doesn’t he fuck up? Ohhhhh nooooo :( he didn’t fuck up, he just didn’t get his service ace I feel bad for Kinoshita, honestly. He’s trying his best but can’t quite reach the same level as the others

Noya: talking about being scared of everything when he was a kid Me: oh. so like Asahi now

Nishinoya is over here opening up about his fears and meanwhile Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are trying to crack the code of what he's talking about (it doesn’t mean anything babes he was just afraid)

DAMN IT CUT AND NOW ATSUMU IS SERVING AGAIN I HATE THIS BITCH (and I’m only half joking)

BABY NOYA HAS MY WHOLE HEART SOMEONE HOLD ME

Why does Noya freezing in fear kind of break my heart a little? Oh right, because he’s never afraid of anything like this

HE DID IT!! HE DID AN OVERHAND RECEIVE!!!

Now kiss <3

Oh now we get baby Miya twin flashbacks? Eh…I’ll stay for Aran

Aran has had to deal with the twins since GRADE 5. THIS MAN IS A THIRD YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW. ASSUMING IT’S THE SAME GRADE SYSTEM AS THE U.S. THAT MEANS 7 FUCKING YEARS OF THE MIYA TWINS

And now, a small ramble section about the Miya twins: So they’ve always been like this. In a way. But they definitely cared more obviously when they were little THERE’S THE MIYA ATSUMU I KNOW AND WANT TO STRANGLE /hj Ahhh Osamu claiming he’s going to be the nice twin. But does he maintain that? I dunno babe! HE’S SO MEAN TO HIS OWN TWIN BROTHER HOLY SHIT GET HIS ASS OSAMU It’s kind of sweet how they do actually like. Make each other better and push each other with their competitiveness. And they (Atsumu mostly) say mean shit but they’re still brothers and they care. They don’t apologize, but they don’t need to Sigh. They really do care. Hate them. Kinda. Atsumu is still a fucking ass though

Atsumu is genuinely such a good setter and it's SO ANNOYING

“He’s the picture perfect setter.” “Yeah?” They just. Kuroo pays close attention to everything Kenma says. Prompts him to hear more Kenma going on about all the things he’s not able to do and Kuroo is just like “babe I know”

“I’m glad we made it here.” KAGEYAMA YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME FUCKING CRY

A saga of me in the past 24 hours: I’m so frustrated THE DAMN SITE WILL NOT LOAD THE NEXT EPISODE PLEASE I HAVE FOUR FUCKING EPISODES LEFT TO WATCH GOOD MORNING IT WORKS NOW

Inarizaki I’m going to need you to stop making me like you

The way I actually get invested and cuss when something happens in the game. I’m not even a sports fan babe

I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that the crowd calls him Tsukki instead of Tsukishima. Which I guess makes sense because it’s a long name. But still. I bet he hates it

First of all: great receive by Asahi. Second of all: YOU DID NOT JUST CALL TANAKA A “CHEAP COPY OF BOKUTO.” DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT BITCH

OH I HATE THOSE TWINS (no I don’t but DAMN THEY’RE SUCH TOUGH, ANNOYING OPPONENTS)

And once again I am confused about Asahi’s name because THE WIKI SAYS IT’S HIS GIVEN NAME BUT THEN IT USUALLY SAYS THE NAMES THE WAY THEY’D BE SAID IN ENGLISH IN THE ENGLISH DUB AND THE ANNOUNCER CALLED HIM AZUMANE ASAHI SO I’M CONFUZZLED

OOOOOH ATSUMU HIT THE NET THANK YOU VOLLEYBALL GOD

Hinata is back in the game! When do I get to see my boy receive fr fr (foreshadowing)

WHAT DID TANAKA ASK KAGEYAMA TO DO THOUGH

Ohhhhhhh Atsumu I am going to GET YOU

Did we need the prolonged leg shot with the jazzy music for Atsumu? No we did not.

YESSSSS DAICHIIIIII!!! HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THAT WAS MAGNIFICENT TSUKKI SHUTTING SHIT DOWN LET'S GO

Atsumu is selfish and does not listen to calls for claiming the ball. That was a cool set though

I KNEW THAT WAS THE THING. FUCKING TWINS

HINATA’S GONNA DO IT!!!! HE’S GONNA RECEIVE THE BALL

LOOK AT EVERYONE’S SHOCKED, AMAZED FACES

I think that’s the most shock/awe I’ve ever seen on Tsukki’s face

THIS IS SO INTENSE AND IT IS NOT THE TIME FOR THE FUCKING SITE TO BE BUFFERING AND SHIT

I AM EMOTIONAL

Oh for fuCK’S SAKE

Oh so their spirits have been shattered. I hate this

HUMAN SUNSHINE HINATA HEALING ALL SADNESS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD BLESS THIS BOY I’m so glad I get to see them laugh before the episode is over because if it ended with them in depresso mode I would’ve been thinking about it all day

Hinata is so proud of the marks on his arms from where the ball hit with his receive and he's just so CUTE. I love him. He's a wonderful protagonist

HINATA FUELING HIS TEAMMATES WOOOOOOOO

Aaaaand that's it. That is definitely the longest post I've ever made. So sorry. Thank you for sticking around to read it all <3

I guess I'll post about the last three episodes later this week. I'll make a separate post for the movie at a later date. Once I finish all of it, I'd like to really throw myself into art for my ocs and this show (and more shows, if possible). So stay tuned for that, I guess!

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