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kwop-kilawtley · 3 years ago

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**this is just an analysis that is like pretty obvious to a lot of you but I wanted to just write down while it’s fresh in my head**

So, I’ve been rereading breaking dawn (I did not want to as I hate breaking dawn. but the last time I read it was a decade ago & I was desperate for content after finishing eclipse) None of this is really anything new, it’s all stuff I’ve felt before & we all kind of know but I want to write my thoughts on it since it’s fresh in my mind & I’m reading it as an adult.

I knew it always sucked but reading it with a pair of fresh eyes has made me realize exactly what I hate. I also read it more objectively & tried to be open minded. I put my personal bias aside & tried to read it just as it is & understand why people like it or fucking why Smeyer wrote it lol. I thought “maybe I hate this book Bc I cannot relate to motherhood Bc I am not someone who wants a child” so I tried to just read it with actually trying to understand Bella thinking this was a miracle or some sort.

Let me start off by saying I actually enjoyed reading some parts of the honeymoon, Jacobs POV & Bella’s absolute brutal transformation. I also like the first chapters of her living as a vampire. While I enjoyed reading them, there were so many issues between those pages & sure I can enjoy reading a fanfic but doesn’t mean it feels right. The book just does not fucking feel right whatsoever.

I think the big draw to Twilight is that a human & vampire should not have fallen in love in the first place. But they did, which is where it drew us all in. The taboo, the strain, the literal agony between Edward & Bella is what I always liked. Romeo & Juliet style shit. Drama. Passion. Otherworldly love that just doesn’t exist. Throw Jacob in the mix with the constant torn feelings between immortality & someone who truly loves you & could be human with. I am completely obsessed w Bella being with two guys who both fill something in her in very different ways & it matures her. They’re the only books that truly fucking ignite something in me as dumb as that may sound to some. It was also my first introduction to anything like this as a kid. So the magic still lingers in the pages as an adult. The nostalgia. I truly fucking LOVE Twilight lol. So with that being said, when Bella finally makes a CHOICE, of course we expect the magic to die a little bit at least. Of course it had to end somehow & yes it makes sense she becomes a vampire. So that in itself is where some of that passion dies a bit & the chapter ends because it HAS to. This was expected to be felt in Breaking Dawn. BUT.. I truly believe that it is very much true that Meyer literally killed the magic in her series. It didn’t just like simmer down naturally, the way it should have. She straight up picked the magic out with the way she wrote the plot in BD. It doesn’t feel like the same series.

I felt this in the very beginning of the book when Bella is driving a car other than her Chevy. Sure, it’s just a car & characters will get new cars. But it was a rare sportscar that hasn’t even come out yet, something she’d never pick or even want. Like it just felt so wrong reading that.

I felt most of the wedding stuff was literally against her will. I tried viewing this in a diff light & was happy she did actually end up enjoying it & think Bella deserved something nice. But it was the first indication her personality was being stripped away. The most emotion I felt with the wedding was when Jacob came. I didn’t feel like I was reading a story about the same person anymore it was weird.

I had many feelings of this just being something a lonely older woman who wishes she was young again was writing. Like a fanfic fr.

The honeymoon, I liked parts of it. It was nice to finally get some intimacy between them. But then it’s just like, too ridiculous. Not once in the whole series has Bella even mentioned having her period. Why didn’t we get that in the previous books tho.. like even SUBTLY. She’s dating a fuckin vampire for crying out loud who slept w her every night. Some more physical human Bella with Edward just entirely not understanding other than just eating/sleeping. IDK! Maybe I’m reaching lol but ya

Ok then the baby growth thing just obviously throws me off completely. Her being pregnant at all just sucks which we know but you don’t get enough time to even really comprehend it as a reader. Like yes this is a fantasy series I get that. But it literally goes against everything we know about the characters & vampires physically.

I am def not someone who wants a baby, but I do have maternal feelings that I project on my family, friends & animals. So I tried really hard to understand Bella. There were times I did. I think when she initially first had thoughts of it being some sort of miracle, I kind of understood where she was coming from. She knew she wasn’t going to make it out human with the baby. But IDK something that bothered me SOOO much was how she was like wishing it only looked like edward.

I started to understand that she didn’t exactly WANT a baby, but felt she had to because it was the only time she possibly could have a chance at having one & she didn’t want to deny herself of that. It was like she found a loophole & thought she shouldn’t have passed it up.

The fact that everyone is against it honestly helped make the pregnancy parts much more tolerable. They all thought Bella was nuts which was like okay, so not everyone has just lost their shit. I think Esme should have been just as involved as Rosalie since she actually had given birth.

If Edward was for having the baby, there’d be no way I could even tolerate to read it. So I kind of liked Edward & Jakes alliance & how they hated it lol. Definitely grounded it & made me feel a little less like I was reading something completely different.

I also obv love Jake & I loved his perspective & reading his growth. There was nothing more gut wrenching when Jacob thought she died. Shit killed me. I wish we got that part in Edwards POV as well tbh.

The imprinting I don’t have to say anything about. I hate it. There’s nothing that can make me think it’s okay. It’s genuinely fucking disturbing reading that the character I loved so much basically is now gone. Like I wanted Jake to grow up but not forced into this sick shit. We basically lost him & are force fed to feel that imprinting is okay. When it’s just fucking weird.

Perhaps Smeyer should not have made imprinting seem like a romantic thing throughout the series. You can’t just like take that back. It’s where everything went from “meh” to fucking wrong.

Had Jacob not imprinted on Rigatoni & just met someone else, I don’t think I’d hate this book as much. This is obvious stuff I know but again this is from the most non bias objective view that I can possibly have.

Him imprinting is not only fucking wrong. It makes Jake & Bella’s love seem all for nothing & like that was the point. Smeyer thought maybe that was good to tie it off, but in reality sort of just makes the previous books dimmer. Which again is why BD feels like a completely separate thing.

Now to vampire bella. Listen okay I thought the transformation was awesome and brutal. I also liked hearing how she saw the world. Was good in the first few chapters of part 3. But it wore off fast. The fact her human memories were dim sucked. The fact she had incredible self control sucked. I wanted her to fucking suffer. Like really suffer. Not just burning a little bit & able to forget about it. I wanted feral bella that almost kills Rigatoni. I wanted her to have to be locked away & have Edward train her. It would’ve even been cool if she got to a human, maybe even a friend of hers. Maybe that’s too much for some people but honestly, all the shit she has gone through and all the constantly talk of fear of being a vampire. The cullens were supposed to be exceptions. They were able to control themselves after centuries living the lifestyle.

It would’ve been cool if she got to a human friend which sort of snapped her into reality a bit & made her remember all her human past. I think the rest of the book after Bella’s transformation is just people being like “wow, incredible, I’ve never seen anything like it”

Like why tho? Why does she get this? Why did we read 3 fucking books of warnings of vampirism & longing & pain & how much Edward hated what he was for Bella to turn out to be perfect? It made no sense. Perhaps it could make sense that her being a shield contributes to her self control but whatever, makes for a boring book.

The whole Volturi thing was an easy way to end it I guess. You can really tell when Smeyer is just rushing to finish the thing. You can feel her just rush through very dumb explanations. Total loss of passion in the most crucial part of the saga & she just seriously blows it.

Everytime Bella says “my” or “our” daughter, I get thrown off. Everytime Resource speaks in full sentences, I get thrown off. Rushed. & just nonsense honestly.

Rigatoni should’ve never been born or if she was, Jake shouldn’t have imprinted & she should’ve died within a few years. It literally only makes sense.

A lot of this book should have stayed in Meyer’s head. It shouldnt have been canon. The timeline is completely fucked. But I will say that I enjoyed reading it more than I thought I would. Like I thought I wouldn’t be able to but surprisingly there were moments that I liked. There were moments where it did feel canon. Usually the little things. But I don’t regret rereading it, I just probably will not do it again for another 10 years lol.

Anyway, that’s all for now. If you read this I’m sure you thought most of this was very obvious lol. But I needed to just write my immediate thoughts out. Can’t wait to reread the series again tho & cleanse with new moon.

#breaking dawn #thoughts #analysis #twilight

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greekgrad07 · 4 years ago

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favorite things about your mutuals? its positivity hour, go!

it would be a fucking honor 😭 i tried to get all my mutuals this time but i’m sure i forgot people. i’m sorry if i did pls don’t hate me 🥺

this is in no particular order btw

marisa (@skaterbeth): my fellow short asthmatic <3 i love you bruh 😭 i remember being nervous to message you at first bc i thought you would find me annoying. now look at us 😌 i can message you without fear bc i know you find me annoying 🤍you’re so talented and beautiful and incredible. i love your enthusiasm and you’re so funny. every time i get a notification that you’ve sent me a meme on instagram i get excited (and idk how but there’s one almost every morning when i wake up. i’m not complaining though)

erica (@skateryue): MY TWIN ILY 🤍🤍🤍 i forgot to tell you this but i took a which female atla character are you quiz and i got yue and thought of you <3 you’re so sweet and supportive and deserve all the love! i’m glad our mutual love of the parent trap, our mbti types, and how we’re both jeff goldblum brought us together lol. the vibes are immaculate 😌

adi (@bitcheusjackson): adi you are so smart. THE TAGS I LEAVE FOR YOU ARE WELL DESERVED! you’re such a good writer and your love of musicals is so cute! i also love getting to be an annabeth simp with you (as we all should). you’re also a talented artist! i know you don’t post a lot of your art but when you do i’m always blown away <3<3<3

fátima (@deepestempathllamalawyer): my adopted child 😌 i love you sm 🥺 you’re so sweet- like seriously, i appreciate every self help posted you tag me in and every cute animals post as well. i absolutely love seeing you in my notifications! you’re also the reason i became a malconnor shipper to thank you 😭🤍 (also i still have no idea wtf your url means but at this point i’m too afraid to ask)

ashna (@silenabeth): fun fact, you were the first “big” pjo blog that followed me and i absolutely lost my shit so there’s that <3 you’re such a talented writer and editor bruh i don’t tell you that enough. also, the queen who brought us connabeth i will forever stan 🤩 you’re so funny and one of the most supportive people ever <3<3<3 (also love all of your call out posts about marisa 😌)

sarah (@perseusjackkson): i told you that you were too cool to be following me and i stand by that. you’re so chill and funny, i vibe with you sm. really, your blog is full of so many different fandom and i vibe with almost all of it. you really made your blog for the people <3 i love reading your tags on the things you repost bc they are usually hilarious. also, i couldn’t be more supportive of your engagement to my twin 🤍

regina (@bisexualzia): regina you’re so sweet and genuine and funny and the fact that you associate me with cookies still makes me 🥰 and idk why. your tag has 🔥 by it and i told you it’s bc of ouat. idk if you get that but it’s my favorite show and one of my favorite characters is named regina so <3 also i’m glad there is someone else that can agree suki is superior 😌

zitz (@four-names): another reason why i ship malconnor <3 lol you send the most random asks and they always make my day! and your tags are everything btw stop hiding them 😂 you’re not afraid to speak your mind and you’re a very genuine person :)

drew (@cubanpercyj): you are so caring and passionate! i love your replies and tags to my posts and i’m glad we agree that percy can’t swim lol. you’re super chill and i vibe with you very much. and i’m sure you’ve heard this a lot but i love your aesthetic. the water header is so pretty <3

kayra (@awkwardteenwriter): you are so sweet! and YES ofc you have a tag bruh. i remember when i first tagged you in a post and you said that it made you happy aljdkhagf i tag you in like everything now i’m sure it gets annoying. you’re one of the most caring people ever though! one of our first interactions was you sending me a virtual hug during a hard time for me and i’ll always be thankful for that 🥺🤍

jaina (@jainadurron): you are so nice. every interaction we’ve had has been nothing but absolutely lovely and i’m glad that you joined the pjo fandom! you like almost all of my posts and i love seeing you in my notifications. also! i forgot to tell you your new avatar is so cute 🥺

haania (@padfootno): i love you and i’m sorry the fic isn’t out yet pls don’t hate me 😭 you’re literally the sweetest and most helpful person ever! i’m so thankful for your help on writing hijabi silena and ever since you’ve been so nice! i also love when you tag me in posts :)

@perca-beths: you give me such good vibes idek how to describe it. also, you’re insanely talented! i found your fic on a03 and when i realized it was you who wrote it i was blown away. anyways you’re awesome and i can’t wait for your next update :)

@percabethica: again, YES you have a tag 😂 you’re so nice! i remember i asked to be on your taglist for your fic and you were so kind. speaking of your fic, i loved it i loved it i loved it! you’re incredibly talented. i always end up seeing your reblogs from me on my dash before seeing it in my notifications and there’s always a second after i notice it where i’m like “omg that’s me. i posted/reblogged something she liked.” also your aesthetic is so pretty, i love it

gray (@bbyannabeth): idk why you’re following me. what do i have to offer? when i tell you i binged your masterlist after you posted it i’m not kidding. you’re so talented and seem so chill. also i just saw that you posted a new fic and bruh, i’m about to create a reblog that has so many tags

@ohmydamgods: i’m not above admitting that i’ve stalked your instagram. your posts are so fucking funny and so are you! i also see people posting your textposts on instagram and i’m always like “*gasp* does she know?” and then i see you’ve commented and it’s all good 😂 also you’re so nice :)

@mydramaticflare: YOU ARE SO TALENTED! when you comment on my fic there’s no time to unpack all of that i lost my shit bc your fic Quiet Moments inspired me to write a percabeth sleepover fic in the first place. also you seem so sweet and you show up in my notifications a lot :)

brin (@skatersuki): first of all, suki supremacy <3, secondly, you’re so smart like wtf. every time you go off about photokinesis and all that i’m like 😐😣😐 also every time i see the book circe by madeline miller i think of you bc you’re the first person who i have seen recommend it

teriza (@wasithard): we haven’t really interacted but we have a lot of the same mutuals so i know you’re cool. lol fr though you do seem very nice and fun and chaotic in the very best way, plus you’re blog is awesome

kayla (@eggplant-avenger): hi kayla :) we met through the connabeth agenda and you are super chill. also i hope that you know whenever i read your tag i hear chris mccarrell’s voice singing ‘being a half-blood, it’s scary, it mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways’

charlotte (@sonofsallyjackson): you are the most supportive person ever. every time i read one of your comments on my fics, my heart swells. you’re too kind for this world <3

taylor (@saltyypercy): another one of my connabeth friends 🤩 speaking of connabeth, your memes are everything! you’re hilarious and your content is awesome

@getwokescullyy: you are such a talented writer!! and you’re so nice and supportive! :) we also have a lot of the same hc’s for post canon percabeth 😌 super excited for your next update btw!

olivia (@thegraystreaks): you are so talented idk why you’re following me. it had to of been a mistake. if, so pls don’t leave 🥺 you’re such a supportive person and seeing you and liz interact is so funny. fr i love your writing sm and i’m obsessed with your url 🤩

aya (@percasbeths): again, WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? seriously i have some of the most talented writers following me and idk why but i’m not complaining. all of your au’s are beautiful and i’m always blown away <3

@judoflipped: you introduced me to Apartment 305 so i’m pretty sure i owe you a kidney or something now lol. fr though you were so nice to me during our first interaction <3 you’re so sweet and you seem super chill

emma (@jasongrape): first a foremost, a superior url. you’re posts are hilarious, especially the ones of you and ash going back and forth lol.

@clr-stan: we haven’t interacted much but your posts are so good!! and you seem super sweet :) also, you’re right. if the pjo movies weren’t based on the books i would have been invested

@writinglettersaddressedtothefire: i’m pretty sure you’re also a mutual of fátima’s which makes you awesome. plus your writing is so good! also i see that you’re having a great time with taylor’s new album coming out so i’m glad you seem to be doing good 😂

lexi (@multifandom-420): one of the other three malconnor shippers on this cite 😭 you seem so sweet and your posts are top tier

@esistkeinponyhof: you are literally always in my notifications and it’s so fun lol. we’ve never really interacted but i’m glad that you like my blog :) also you’re a fellow directioner which is amazing 😌

@himbolin420: how does it feel to have a canon url? apart of the bolin defense squad and connabeth nation? we have no choice but to stan <3 i remember you kept a count for all of your mutuals when i first followed you and i thought that was absolutely precious lol

@twilight-hours: you’re in my notifications a lot and i'm not complaining. lol you always reblog the funniest stuff and i love seeing it on my dash. i know we haven't really interacted but i know we would vibe

#so anyway #i love all of you and i’m glad you’re here <3 #anon thank you for suggesting this <3 #it’s always positively hours on this blog 😤#anon ask #mutuals tag

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commodorefluffypawz · 4 years ago

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Story time!! Almost 9 years ago now I met someone incredibly special to me because of Guild Wars, and it was the beginning of my persona I call Trist. We live in different time zones now and operate on opposite work schedules so chatting is difficult, but we finally got some time with each other last night and I drew this. I was raised not to make friends with “scary online people” and so the only friends I had were literally a few that I’d met at school and then moved very far away from them. I played a lot of Twilight Arbor and before LFG was a thing, we would stand in maps and shout for people to join our parties. Someone needed help with it so I joined up with them. We got in and I realized the leader had hit story mode, when I was promised a path and useful tokens at the end of it. The guy in the picture, Gabe, apologized and asked if it was ok cuz his friends needed to complete it anyway. I had a big sigh and said “ya, alright”. I like helping people. So we’ll get through this quick and then play the path and I can have what I came for. ........ Boy was I wrong XD I dragged their downed bodies through that dungeon. They were so bad! Finally I stopped ressing the others and just kept Gabe alive with my search and rescue, healing springs, and condition removals. He was the only useful thing in that party lol, being a zerker warrior. And when there were ranged parts that he just couldn’t do I solo’d the fights. It probably took at least an hour, and I was exhausted. They said thank you and Gabe apologized again at the end. He friended me and said he had to go to work but he’d make it up to me with an actual path run later on. I just waved it off and carried on playing, his name hovering in my followers list, and me thinking nothing more of the matter. A couple months later this happened:

Near the end of 2012 I was getting bored with the game and was considering quitting as I farmed for materials for my legendary at Southsun Cove. I’d only played with one other person from the place I moved away from and he’d left a while ago to play WoW. I was running along towards the area with the big karka and where there was an ancient logging node and I see this guy chopping it down with a bunch of little karka attacking him. So like a good citizen I rained a bunch of arrows on top of him to help out. I proceeded to collect my node and noticed he was just standing there. I squinted at his name....wait a minute. I pulled up my followers. There he is! That’s the dude! And we both did this:

He’d remembered me too. I noticed his armor. It was from Citadel of Eternity, a dungeon that I’d been trying to get a party for for so long, but I could never get a group filled for it. He said he knew it inside and out and that his friends could help me out. So we finished up our farming at Southsun and headed over. He rallied up his friends and then we got in the dungeon. Gabe said the boss is a bit tough and there’s a certain time for dodging or else you’ll get one-shot. He asked me to jump in Teamspeak with them so he could explain it better. ....... “What’s Teamspeak?” Now I’m like “oh no, online people want to talk to me, this is probably gonna be really creepy and weird and AHHH PANIC!” But something told me to just give it a try. No one made fun of me for not knowing what TS was, Gabe just simply walked me through where to download it and get the address put in and connect to the server. (Btw, at this point they all think I’m guy) I finally get in and they’re all like “sup, bro!” And then there’s me with a pause and a very small “hiii......” Silence. “Dude, it’s a chick!” And then we all laughed and the bond was set and we’ve never let go of each other since. We were the beginnings of the community we now call RaPa, Raining Pastel, and of many friends and adventures to follow~

#story time #nostalgia #bonds #hug #Guild Wars 2

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redemptionbaby · 6 years ago

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On the topic of a shy reader, how about a follow up low honor Arthur smut for the meek little reader?

So I’ve been stewing over this for a while, and I decided I’m gonna give u guys what I have instead of just like making you wait 10 million years for me to finish it lol so here is PART 2

Arthur rode briskly yet casually back into camp, freshly bathed and feeling smug. He could already spot you easily, sitting on the grass near to his tent but not quite near enough that someone looking on could make a connection. You seemed to be watching the ground intently, though whether there was actually something to watch or you were just lost in thought, he didn’t know. But he liked to think that you were absorbed in your thoughts of what could happen tonight, if you let it.

You were so entranced that he was able to approach you without you noticing, just as he had this morning. As he drew nearer he saw you crush a biscuit in your hand and gently empty your hand onto the ground. His one-track mind was easily diverted, and Arthur suddenly found himself curious as to what you were doing. He eclipsed enough of the setting sun to cast a recognizable shadow, and you turned your head to look at the source, though briefly. You had known by now that if Arthur has something to say, he’s say it whether or not you looked at him. Meanwhile, Arthur looked just past you to the ground, observing the steady line of ants carrying the crumbs from the biscuit you’d ground up earlier, their little black abdomens just barely visible in the evening light.

“You uh, feedin’ the ants there?” Were you just that considerate of every little thing? Is that why you cared so much about a cutthroat asshole like him?

“Yeah. Jack accidentally stepped on their hill earlier. I… I felt bad, so I– I thought I’d try to help them…” You spoke quietly and trailed off, as if you were hoping he didn’t hear you, even though you oughta know by now that he hangs on your every word whenever he has the pleasure of speaking to you. And he felt his heart skip almost uncharacteristically, as if you’d just told him a filthy secret. You looked to him for a few moments after speaking, before quickly realizing what you had been doing and turning back to your little charity cases, while Arthur feebly attempted to put what he was thinking into coherent words.

“Y’know darlin’, earlier I said I thought I loved you,” he can see your shoulders tense, and he attempts to continue quickly, so as not to frighten you with his usual mischievous countenance. “But now I know I love you. Will you have me?”

He leans down and offers a hand to you, and though the physical gesture is one of offering, his eyes are nothing short of desperate pleading. Like he’s so completely and utterly possessed by you, that a refusal would just snap his heart in two. Luckily for him, you’ll do no such thing.

Though Arthur has the intense urge to snap his grip closed when you place your hand in his, he waits. He waits for you to be the one to grab onto him before he grabs you back and pulls you up and along to his tent before drawing the flaps for a bit of privacy. Not that there’s a great need for privacy, as it’s currently the particular quiet twilight hour in which most are content to be off by themselves rather than anything else.

You’re almost hastily guided to the cot, Arthur seeming to forget himself and the occasion in his eagerness. He waits to see you relax before he slowly moves in to kiss you, careful to leave plenty of time for you to pull yourself away. He had quite a few kisses in his youth, some not appropriate for company, but this was undoubtedly the most satisfying he’d had in his life. Simple, yet so wholly indicative of your character– hesitant and soft, with all the care and consideration in the world. Arthur wondered if you’d ever kissed anyone at all before now, but the query left him quickly as he realized it didn’t matter, even if you had he’d still be your first in many other respects. He remembers your nature and slows his thoughts and actions, unwilling to risk compromising your comfort.

“Want you to know that we don’t gotta go further, not tonight, not ever if you don’t wanna. I’ll still love you, you don��t gotta be afraid of refusin’ me, hun.” Arthur steels himself to receive your reply, confident he’d done the right thing for once. He watches intently as your expression softens in thought, a near uncharacteristic drop of your ever-present guard.

“I want to. I promise.”

As someone who had known you as long as he had, Arthur knew you didn’t throw around that word lightly. And maybe that was a big part of why you were seen as so shy– you never wanted to say anything you didn’t absolutely mean. So as you could guess, Arthur’s heart is melting into a dangerously sweet honey that’s dripping its way downward from his chest to his cock. You had better meant what you said, ‘cause there’d be no stoppin’ him now.

Arthur presses a gentle palm to your sternum, easing you down to lay on the cot. He peels off his gloves and throws his hat to a forgotten corner, before suddenly cupping his hands against your clothed breasts and kneading them, smirking at the way you gasp. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. With a brisk two-handed pull, buttons fly as your blouse is tugged open and your chemise is pushed up. His mouth eagerly latches onto one of your nipples, sucking and kissing your breath away. Once again, he seems to come back to himself and ease his attentions. Arthur parts from your chest, grabbing your hand to guide it to the buttons on his shirt.

Slowly and curiously you peel off his clothes, and he helps you out of yours, though he’s much more efficient in doing so. In all honesty, he wouldn’t have it any other way. The outlaw can feel himself swooning at the picture before him, naked as the day you were born and very clearly trying to be brave and keep his gaze, while your chest heaves and your eyes threaten to dart. The perfect prey, and he’d be damned if he did anything less than devour you.

#writing #drabble #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 x reader #rdr2 #rdr2 x reader #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader

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birger-wuvs-elsa · 6 years ago

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Enter The Dragon

Just putting this on here, nothing to see. >w> <w< Unless you wanna read, lol.

The full fic is here, btw.

Elsa did not wake with a start like before, but gently this time, her eyes opening slowly. She took in a deep, measured breath, as she calmly came to full awareness. Her room was dark, soft moonlight no longer streamed through, it was too far through its cycle to do so. The blonde quickly noticed how very little pain she felt and smiled, softly laughing as she reveled in her body’s newfound peace.

Her mind drifted back to the last thing she’d seen in her tortured sleep: Kalahan, the strange dragon being that seemed to have cured her of both her night terrors and her pain.

Elsa had never heard of such a being in any book, and in the past years she had read many a book about mythological beings. Whatever or whoever this Kalahan was, they would be a mystery for so long as they decided. Though, the blonde had to admit, she found herself quite curious of them now. One does not simply use pure light to tear into a nightmare and then cure someone of their ailment, and not be remembered.

A quiet snore startled Elsa out of her musings, and she sat up to search for the source. She hardly had time to appreciate the ease with which she arose, before the queen laid eyes on a precious and comical sight. At the foot of Elsa’s bed—in a tangle of limbs, hair, and nightgown—slept her own dear sister. Another snore erupted from Anna, who then snorted and shifted, unconsciously turning her back to her sister as the redhead curled into a more…comfortable position. The younger girl had no blanket over her, but apparently had brought a pillow of her own along, the poor thing already displaying a large drool stain.

Elsa giggled softly to herself, before she froze, the realization hitting her.

Anna…it’s Anna! She’s back already?

The blonde slowly and carefully, so as not to wake her sister, pulled away her sheets and swung her legs off the bed. She stood, slowly yet again, but this time for the purpose of gauging how well she now felt. As she stood tall and felt only the faintest echoes of pain, a bright smile broke out on Elsa’s face. Perhaps with a little more rest and a tad bit recuperation, the queen got the feeling she would be just fine.

Elsa walked down to the foot of her bed, and knelt so she was eye level with her sister’s face. Beyond the hair already provoked into a wild state, and the faint drool streak on her cheek, Anna looked perfectly content. While the blonde was curious how and why her sister had returned so soon, Elsa would wait until morning to inquire so. She had no inkling how tired Anna might be; and besides, waking her and keeping her aware would be the hardest part, let alone questioning her as well.

With a smile, Elsa leaned forward and gently kissed her sister’s forehead. As she pulled away, her own smile grew as she noticed a small one had risen on Anna’s face, and the blonde heard a quiet sigh as well. Elsa softly caressed the redhead’s temple, only to frown as she watched Anna shiver. The queen worried for a moment it was her powers, but a quick inward check confirmed that all was well in that regard. Clearly, then, it was her room—Elsa could not feel the cold, after all.

As quickly as she could without being too loud, Elsa crossed her room to a nearby linen closet. She opened the doors and, after a brief scan within, reached out and grabbed a decently thick sheet. Pleased with it, Elsa returned to her bed and carefully draped it over Anna’s still shivering form. The blonde even dared to take a moment and tuck her sister in, all the while she strove not to wake the redhead. Of course, Elsa needn’t have worried, for Anna was far too deep in her sleep to notice.

Satisfied with her work, Elsa stood back a little ways and watched. After a few moments passed, and Anna’s shivers died down till they were no more, the blonde nodded to herself. She then turned and left her room, ensuring that she opened and closed her door as quietly as possible. With her silent departure accomplished, Elsa made her way down to the kitchens. Apparently, fainting, struggling in pain, and being haunted by nightmares only to be magically healed took a lot out of a person; Elsa was starving.

Given the ghastly late hour it was, not a soul beyond herself wandered the castle halls. The stone silence was broken only by her soft, bare footsteps, and by nature’s moonlit activities outside. Even with only moonlight streaming through the windows, the halls were not so dark a candle was required. Besides, the cool, peaceful atmosphere did wonders for Elsa, a light smile on her face as she grew nearer to the kitchens. Even though the blonde was aware of how late it was, having missed dinner as well as enduring the toll her body did left no debate. She needed to eat something, or she would suffer for it in the morning.

As it turned out, she would suffer someway regardless; for when Elsa turned the final corner before the kitchens, she rammed into a sturdy, somewhat soft obstacle. She closed her eyes and frowned against the slight pain of the impact, only for them to snap back open and widen as the blonde felt herself falling backwards. Before she could, however, Elsa felt strong hands grab her shoulders, and effectively stop her descent and righting her on her feet.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know anyone else was awake, I—w-wait, your majesty?”

Elsa looked up, and her breath caught as she met startlingly blue eyes. They were so blue, brighter and sharper than she’d seen, aside from…no, no there was no way this stranger was Kalahan. The being had made it clear their meeting wasn’t permitted, and besides, this person—while just a slight taller than Elsa, and more densely packed—was nowhere near the same mighty size.

Elsa blinked, shook her head as she tore herself from her musings, and properly regarded the stranger.

“Y-yes, I am Elsa, the queen.” As more lucidity came to the blonde, she regarded the woman before her more coldly. “Who exactly are you, and what are you doing wandering around my castle?”

The stranger blinked, as if also self-distracted, before she pulled her hands away. The woman cleared her throat and bowed, just a tad, never losing eye contact with the queen.

“I’m Nikolai, your majesty, and I was simply restless. If it eases you, your sister, Anna, brought me and my companion here, and gave us rooms. I swear to you, I did not sneak in.”

Anna brought her here…so…is this…?

“Does that make you the ‘dragon master’ my sister was told about?”

The stranger, Nikolai, frowned as she paused for a moment. “Dragon master? Is that what people have been calling me?”

The woman chuckled, strong, armored shoulders shaking with the action and drawing Elsa’s eye. She’d never met a woman quite this…built before. The queen cleared her throat before she met Nikolai’s eyes once more, and found herself hesitate again at the woman’s eyes.

And people say mine are blue…

“If you are not a dragon master, then pray tell, what are you then?”

Nikolai drew herself up proudly, quite the mighty smirk on her face that nearly made Elsa giggle. “I am a dragoon, your majesty—or, put more plainly, a dragon mage.”

Elsa’s eyes widened, and she tilted her head. “Dragon mage? I thought dragoons were French cavalry who wielded firearms?”

Nikolai’s smirk only grew ornery, and when the woman went to raise a single eyebrow, Elsa had to physically stop herself from laughing as both eyebrows rose instead.

“Where do you think the French got the name from? Dragons have inspired mankind for ages, and when they invented weapons that practically shoot fire, the connection was obvious. Besides, I think they designed the muzzles of some of their guns to look like dragons.”

Elsa smiled and nodded. “You make a fair point, in all accounts. Now, if you don’t mind, I had intended on going to the kitchen. I must’ve been out for quite some time, I’m quite famished.”

Nikolai beamed, and the blonde noticed that her eyebrows were now leveled as they stayed high. What an amusing quirk it was, that this woman’s eyebrows seemed to be unable to move independently. Elsa couldn’t help but wonder if the dragoon was aware of this.

“You’re going to the kitchen? Awesome! I was actually hoping to stumble across that myself, but no one’s shown me around beyond telling me where my room was.”

Nikolai gazed around the dark and still halls, and turned back to look down the way she came. “This castle of yours is big, I swear I wandered around for at least an hour, and I still couldn’t find it. Saw a lot of cool paintings and armors though…which reminds me, it’s awfully fancy, too.”

Elsa giggled, and tried to hide it behind a hand. She continued her way to the kitchens, and when she gestured for Nikolai to follow, couldn’t repress her smile when the woman wasted no time in doing so. The pair easily fell in stride together, and strode peacefully through the twilight halls as the queen led the dragon master to the kitchens.

“It is rather ostentatious, isn’t it?” Elsa inquired aloud, breaking the silence as they neared their destination. “And quite large, that’s true…but then, I cannot really be a fair judge.”

Nikolai frowned as she looked down to the queen. “Wait, why can’t you be a fair judge of that?”

Elsa caught her lower lip with her teeth as she sheepishly looked away. “Well, you see…”

Before she could continue, Elsa paused as she stepped through the doorway into the kitchens. She turned to see Nikolai had stopped outside the threshold, and was…glaring at the doorframe? The woman seemed to have noticed Elsa’s pause and confused gaze, as Nikolai met her eyes. Her glare softened somewhat, but remained. They remained like this for a few moments before Elsa finally spoke up.

“Is something wrong, Nikolai?”

Nikolai sighed, deflating as she did so and letting her glare fall as she pouted instead. “I passed this door three times while I was looking for the kitchens…I never noticed it…”

Elsa snickered, and brought her hands up as she held back further laughter. Nikolai sent a glare the queen’s way, but the sparkle in the blue and the smirk below gave away the glare’s intent. Once the blonde had composed herself, she beckoned the Nikolai into the kitchen. The pair strode to the large counterspace in the center of the room, and as Nikolai pulled out a stool and sat down, Elsa lit a few candles and busied herself with preparing something.

Nikolai rested her arms on the counter and leaned on them as she faced the queen. “So, before I got distracted…you were saying?”

Elsa sighed as she opened one of the cabinets. “Yes, as I was saying…you see, in the midst of certain events…I built a castle out of ice on the North Mountain’s peak. I confess, it may not be as wide as this castle, but…it’s surely much taller, and being made of ice it’s…much fancier.”

It was now Nikolai’s turn to chuckle. “Oh, I see, miss Snow Queen builds herself a big ol’ Ice Palace on the top of a snowy mountain, and yet the stone labyrinth in a fjord is what’s ostentatious? I see how you are.”

The brunette chuckled again, and Elsa merely shook her head as she quickly finished up what she was preparing—a pair of glorious sandwiches. It was a simple snack that took no time at all, and in a matter of moments, she had it readied and brought it to the counter. The queen took notice of Nikolai’s intense stare on the dish as she set it down, and chuckled as the woman didn’t move, even as Elsa sat nearby on her own stool.

“I take it you’re quite hungry as well, Nikolai?”

The dragon master nodded vigorously. “Oh yes, very much so…and I am surely a sucker for a good sandwich, your majesty.”

Elsa paused for a moment and frowned, only to smile as she decided.

“Nikolai, I feel there’s no more need for formalities at this point.”

The brunette blinked, tearing herself from her ravenous staring as she met the queen’s gaze. “What do you mean?”

Elsa maintained her smile, which might’ve grown as she spoke. “You may call me Elsa, if you wish. Enough people call me ‘your majesty’ as it is, and you’re not a citizen of Arendelle. I would rather we be on friendlier terms than keeping on with formalities.”

Nikolai watched her for a moment, almost as if she waited for Elsa to reveal it was a joke. But Elsa kept her kind gaze, and hopefully friendly smile, for she meant every word she said. Besides, the blonde had a feeling this dragon master would prove invaluable soon; much better to be on amiable terms.

Finally, the brunette smiled and nodded. “Very well, Elsa…that sounds reasonable to me.”

Nikolai then held out an arm, in a gesture Elsa presumed to be an invitation for a handshake. But as the blonde reached to accept, the dragon master instead gripped Elsa’s forearm. Though Elsa hesitated for a moment, she quickly recognized the motion for what it was, and smiled brighter as she gripped Nikolai’s forearm in turn. The pairs of blue met again as they shook arms, respective smiles still in place.

“Friends it is then, Elsa.” Nikolai nodded, then gently reclaimed her arm. “I’ll say, this is the first time I’ve gotten on such good terms with someone so quickly…well, barring your sister, o’course. You two sure are a pair, aren’t you?”

Elsa giggled and nodded, and reached for her sandwich, Nikolai following suit. “We surely are quite an interesting duo, to be sure… And I confess, this is the first time in a long time that I’ve gotten along with someone so famously so quickly.”

The queen shrugged, and shyly smiled at the dragoon. “I honestly and far more…solitary.”

Nikolai smiled kindly, and instinctually raised a hand, only to hesitate. After a moment, however, the brunette followed through and laid a gentle hand on Elsa’s shoulder. The blonde jumped a little, startled, before she glanced over and met Nikolai’s gaze. The soft, understanding shine in the dragoon’s blues. A beat passed before Elsa smiled back, and the pair nodded to one another before they returned to their meals.

The two women ate their sandwiches in peaceful, amiable silence for a time. The only sounds were those caused by bites taken out of the “midnight snacks”, and muffled chewing thereafter. What could have been an awkward silence turned out not to be, the pair even enjoyed the quiet around them. If anything, it helped lend strength to the small bud that was their friendship. Already had acquaintanceship gone out the window, not even considered as the two finished their sandwiches.

Once the late meal was done, Nikolai quickly took over cleanup. As soon as she realized the brunette’s plan, Elsa stood, and made to say something. Anything, really, to stop her guest from doing what the blonde surely should’ve been. But the dragoon waved a dismissive hand as soon as Elsa opened her mouth, a smile adorned on Nikolai’s face.

“Don’t even start, Elsa; it’s thanks for your swift hospitality. Sure, your sister started it, but you just met me and hadn’t even witnessed what I did to help you.”

Nikolai gently laid the dishes in the wash basin, turned to face the queen, and leaned back against the counter. “Thus, you had no pre-established impression to be kind to me for. You were…”

Nikolai shrugged. “Just nice!” Another shrug, then she crossed her arms and smirked. “Literally the least I could do.”

Elsa narrowed her eyes at the dragoon, and had her own smirk. “You…like hearing yourself talk, don’t you, Nikolai?”

Nikolai’s eyes widened as she froze—lips practically nonexistent, they pursed so tightly. The comical reaction prompted Elsa to cover her smile with a hand as she tried to stifle her giggle. The victim of her amusement merely sighed, and Nikolai shook her head as she approached the queen. The dragoon playfully gave the blonde’s shoulder a light punch as she reclaimed her previous seat, which caused Elsa to smother yet another bout of giggles.

“Not really, no, I just naturally talk a lot.” Nikolai chuckled, but her mirth died off as she frowned. “As so tempted as I am to pursue my current train of thought, it occurs to me we should probably discuss something more important.”

Elsa blinked, then sighed and nodded as she remembered the purpose behind Nikolai’s presence. “Ah yes…my ‘dragon problem’, as it were…”

The dragoon placed her arms on the table before them, resting her weight against it as she nodded. “Indeed, we need to talk about what we’re going to do regarding that dragon of yours.”

Elsa sighed, conflicted as she both wanted to have this conversation…and didn’t. Talking about it would, best case scenario, lead to finding Birger. But then, talking about it would also remind her why he disappeared in the first place. A sharp pain found its way into the blonde’s chest, but this wasn’t caused by the bond…not the way it was before, at least.

This was shame…

As if she picked up on it, Nikolai’s hand rested on the queen’s shoulder once more. This time, the dragoon gently squeezed as she leaned forward to view the queen’s downturned face.

“Hey now, we can wait till morning, if you want to. I’m just easily forgetful, and it might take longer to get to this conversation if I’m allowed to sleep first.”

Nikolai chuckled, and the humorous attempt at diffusing the queen’s tension was not unappreciated. A small grin did appear on Elsa’s face as she sighed and nodded.

“No, it’s fine, now is as good a time as tomorrow.”

She met Nikolai’s concerned gaze and smiled brighter. “If it eases your mind any, I’ll remember for the both of us come morning.”

Nikolai narrowed her eyes at the cheeky blonde and shook the shoulder she still head. “All right, miss cheeky, let’s talk then.”

The dragoon then leaned forward against the counter once more, and looked off into nothing.

“Forgive me for assuming, but I would like to say that we both agree he needs to be found.”

Elsa folded her hands in her lap and nodded. “We are in agreement on that front, yes. If distance is what caused my condition to worsen before, then he and I desperately need to get in contact again.”

Nikolai sighed. “Absolutely…especially given the guard I placed on you will not last forever.”

The blonde’s eyes widened in fright as she swiftly glanced at the dragoon. “I-it won’t? What do you mean?”

The dragoon did not meet her gaze, and kept it fixated on nothing instead. “While my remaining by your side and fueling the guard will protect thoroughly, it can only delay the inevitable for so long. The problem is, your guys’ bond has not had the time it needs to strengthen, to solidify…it is still weak, and likely to break. Should that happen, should your and Birger’s shared bond snap…”

Now…now the sharp blue of the dragoon met the queen’s own icy blues.

“You and Birger would both die upon the backlash.”

Elsa didn’t think her eyes could widen further, but they did as the blood simultaneously rushed away from her face. For the first time in…well, forever…Elsa felt cold. Perhaps it was the metaphorical cold, perhaps it was the rapid relocation of her blood leaving parts of her body cooler than they should’ve been, the cause remained the same: absolute fear. Fear for her life, for Birger’s, for her kingdom’s safety and…

Fear from the thought of her dying, and leaving Anna all alone.

Elsa startled as she felt a sudden warmth across her shoulders, and against her side. She glanced over to see it was merely Nikolai, who’d daringly laid her arm across the queen’s shoulder and pulled her close. Not full contact, but close enough Elsa could feel the dragoon’s body heat. It felt…nice, and helped the queen calm herself, even leaning slightly into the comforting hold.

“It’s okay, Elsa, I promise.” Nikolai softly assured. “We have time, plenty of time, and I’ll keep you updated on how the bond is faring. If it’s any consolation, my guard on you passing through the connection and to your dragon as well. Wherever he is, Birger should be feeling infinitely better.”

Elsa blinked, concerned to hear Birger felt the pain as well. “You mean, he felt it too? That horrendous pain?”

Nikolai nodded, “I’m afraid so, but while it probably took longer to ease for him than it did for you, by now he should be just fine.”

Elsa sighed, and rested her face in her hands. Despite agreeing to stay up for this discussion, she was regretting her decision and pined for her bed. She felt the dragoon pull her arm from the blonde’s shoulders, giving one a light squeeze before she pulled away entirely. The loss of warmth was strangely noticeable, but the queen ignored it.

“Regardless,” Nikolai began as she leaned away, “the sooner he’s found, the better, for both of your sakes. Now…Elsa, if you don’t mind my asking…why did he leave in the first place?”

At Elsa’s sharp inhale, and further burying her face in her hands, Nikolai cringed. “I’m sorry, but it’ll be easier for me to help you get him back if I know why he left. Besides, it’d put me at ease if I knew there was a chance he wanted to come back. Forgive me if this is overstepping anything, but I would certainly prefer to not drag a dragon to somewhere they didn’t want to be.”

Elsa took a long, shuddering breath as she nodded into her hands. One more deep breath, this one far steadier, and she withdrew her head from the sanctuary of her hands. The blonde stared off at nowhere in particular as she further composed herself, before she finally turned to face Nikolai and relay the tale.

The young queen started from the beginning, and told the dragoon what Birger had said happened right before Kristoff found him. She went on throughout the entirety of the frost dragon’s presence in Arendelle, how Anna had immediately decided to search for and help the potentially injured beast. Elsa did not fail to notice Nikolai’s satisfied smile at that point; no doubt, the dragoon was simply pleased to hear of someone intentionally seeking to assist a dragon so. Thanks to Anna having shared her first encounter with Birger with Elsa, the queen was able to tell Nikolai how the dragon reacted to Olaf, and how afraid of Anna he’d seemed.

But Nikolai seemed especially interested once Elsa began to tell of when she first met Birger. When she mentioned the orb of ice magic Elsa had made, and how it had disappeared once Birger had pushed past it to get to the blonde, the dragoon began to nod. The queen continued, and took care to mention how she’d laced her pets through his fur with frost, and how, in hindsight, she realized they’d both shuddered in unison. Nikolai’s gaze, previously locked on Elsa’s face as she spoke, was now averted and glazed.

“I see how you guys got bonded, now…how ironic, then…”

Elsa paused in her regalement, and looked over at the brunette. She frowned and tilted her head, eyes ever so slightly narrowed. “What do you mean? Exactly what caused us to be bonded so? Neither I nor Birger had any idea what had happened until later that evening, when my chest first started to ache.”

Nikolai leaned back, and crossed her arms as she nodded. “Given how far you said his cave was from here, I’m not surprised to hear you began to feel the strain so quickly. The bond had just been forged, it was so weak then…as for how it happened? That’s quite simple, you two shared each other’s magicks.”

Elsa reeled back slightly, blinking as she shook her head. “Wait, what? Pardon, but…we shared magicks?”

Nikolai nodded again, this time with an amused smirk. “Yes, exactly. When he cuddled you that first time, your orb of magic broke against his hide and permeated his body. The frost you’d made when you ran your fingers through his fur only further strengthened the bond. Why else do you think his condition improved quickly in your presence? Your power increased Birger’s own.”

Nikolai paused for a moment, then chuckled as she shrugged. “I guess you could say you boost him.”

Elsa took a moment to let this information sink in. To be perfectly honest, the blonde had suspected as much after she’d gleaned some information from the dragon book. That strange, journal-like segment of the Frost Dragon page mentioned a frost dragon who’d ended up bonded to a sorcerer as well. Only the entry had ended, without any follow-up regarding how the bond had been made.

Well then…at least now I know how those two got bonded. Now I’m just left wondering if the author ever found that out.

Elsa sighed and nodded, looking to Nikolai again. “That makes sense now, thank you for explaining it to me.”

Nikolai’s smirk shifted to a kind smile as she nodded. “No problem at all, Elsa. Now, if you don’t mind, are you willing to skip to the part where he left? I really don’t mean to be rude, but it is getting rather late.”

The queen giggled and shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine, it’s…” Then she remembered how Birger left, and sighed. “It’s fine…he, well, you see, Birger and I had remained at his cave to get to know each other better. Anna had gone on back with our horses and a young boy, but something went wrong.”

Nikolai frowned and leaned forward. “What was it?”

Elsa’s brow twitched ever so slightly, a scowl billowing just behind her willpower. “Wolves ambushed them on the way back, and when Anna had told the boy, Alan, to run, he’d come back to us. Alan and I immediately mounted Birger, and he sprinted us down to where Anna and one of the horses were defending themselves.”

The dragoon’s eyes went wide, “Wait, one of them? How’s the other, is it okay?”

The frantic worry in Nikolai’s tone surprised the blonde, but Elsa merely shook her head and laid a hand on the brunette’s arm. “The other was fine, I assure you. It was the more easily spooked of the two, the one who remained was my Romeo, and he’s rather a gallant thing.”

Elsa looked down at her hand, and froze for a moment as she just realized the contact she’d made. She discretely pulled her hand away, holding back a frown at the light shake to them. Luckily, Nikolai didn’t seem to notice, focused on the queen’s face as she listened. Elsa took a deep, calming breath before she continued.

“We came upon them quickly, and though I made to defend my horse and my sister, Birger swooped in ahead of me and single-handedly defeated the wolves. But he…B-Birger, he…”

Elsa took another breath, this one far shakier, and Nikolai softly hushed her.

“Hey, it’s okay, what was wrong?”

Elsa gulped, her gaze locked on some distant corner of the kitchen. “He’d…bitten a wolf completely in half, and…and he was just covered in blood. None of it was his, I’d seen the entire skirmish. Birger had outright decimated the pack, a scant few survived and fled upon the one’s brutal end. Worst of all, though…were his eyes…”

Nikolai stilled, her face now a steely mask. “…they were red, weren’t they?”

Elsa turned her head sharply to the dragoon, eyes wide. “H-how did you know? Yes, they were, horribly red and slit-pupiled, like a common lizard’s, or a cat’s! I’d only ever seem them as peaceful circles before he rent those wolves asunder.”

Nikolai nodded slowly, her eyes focused on nothing as she sighed. “I tangohia ia...”

It was a murmur so soft, Elsa almost didn’t catch it. But she’d been paying close attention as she waited for Nikolai’s elaboration, and so just managed to hear it. It was a language she didn’t understand, and sounded completely foreign to her. It was most assuredly not a European language at all, and left the blonde without a single clue what was said. But the dragoon’s tone was morose, almost…regretful, or ashamed…

Before Elsa could comment on it, Nikolai met the queen’s gaze as she spoke again. “I am so sorry you had to witness that, Elsa. What you saw was the Rage, a terrible state that dragons can fall into. Breed is irrelevant, it is a part of every single individual dragon that has lived or ever will. You’ve witnessed for yourself how intelligent and sentient Birger is, to the point it’s almost human.”

Elsa nodded hesitantly, confused but waiting to see what Nikolai was getting at.

“The Rage is a state of being for dragons, where their anger and fury burns so strongly, it clouds their minds completely. It’s the most dangerous kind of serenity you can imagine, and allows even the kindest dragon to become a ruthless killer…”

Nikolai looked straight into Elsa’s eyes. “Given, of course, that something piques their rage to a high enough marker; such as something they cherish greatly being threatened.”

Elsa stayed quiet for a spell, as she thought over the dragoon’s words while flashes of Birger’s skirmish returned. Now that she thought about it, Birger’s expression had seemed wholly void of anything that wasn’t pure rage. It was like that was all there was, and nothing more. Now she could understand why his eyes seemed so empty…there was no soul, only sheer wrath.

But…wait…

“That explains what happened to him, but…why? What set him off?”

Nikolai chuckled, but the mirth was scarce in the sound. “Well, was something he terribly cared about in danger? Or, perhaps, was something that was cherished by what he cared about threatened? You did say Anna was in danger of the wolves, and you told Birger your entire story. Plus, he had spent some time with the princess. I would imagine, either Birger fell into the Rage because Anna was in danger or because the sister of his bonded person was in danger.”

The dragoon leaned back and shrugged. “Or maybe both? Maybe Birger was scared for Anna, and scared for what would happen to you if you lost her.”

Elsa nodded in agreement, knowing Birger, it was likely that both were the case. “I can’t believe this…then, that means…I…”

The blonde hiccupped slightly, tears threatening her as she realized. “Nikolai, I…I was afraid of him… After the fight was over, and he stood there, blood-soaked and still seething with rage, I…I just stared at him like he was a monster.”

A strangled sob broke through Elsa’s defenses, and she quickly covered her mouth to prevent anymore. “After everything I’ve gone through…from being called a monster, to calling me one myself…I actually looked at him and thought he was one. And he saw that, Nikolai! Birger snapped out of the Rage, took one look at the carnage he’d made and began to fear himself. I don’t think Birger knows about the Rage, he was too shocked and confused.”

She felt another sob rise, and managed to stop it this time. “Then he looked to me…he looked to me for help, Nikolai! And all he saw in me was fear…fear of him… That’s exactly what’s dogged the poor beast since he left his herd! And I dared…and then he…he ran… Birger ran, and I tried, Nikolai, I tried to chase him, but he–”

Finally, a full sob wracked Elsa’s body as she gave up and cried. Three weeks of avoiding thoughts of her dragon to minimize the pain of the ache had prevented her from shedding anymore tears. But now, with the threat of the magical ache gone, there was only the ache caused by Elsa’s own shame and grief. But could she cry now? In front of a stranger? A kind one, sure, who’d taken great lengths to lessen the strangeness and help the blonde. But could Elsa risk driving the dragoon away by letting herself show this weakness?

“…Elsa?”

Unable to speak, lest another sob escape, the hiccupping queen glanced up at the brunette. Where Elsa had expected to see disappointment, or annoyance, or just any kind of negative reaction to her weakness…the blonde was surprised to see none of that. All she saw was sympathy, understanding, and sheer gentleness. There was no judgement, if Elsa was seeing right, all she saw was compassion.

“If I may be so bold, Queen Elsa…you look like you need a good cry. Would you be willing to accept a hug? Even a queen needs a shoulder to cry on, and I do enjoy a good hug.”

Elsa paused for a moment, shocked, as she considered whether to accept. But as soon as she imagined what Anna’s counsel would be, and even Olaf’s, the blonde knew her answer. She vigorously nodded, a few sniffles getting out, at her approval this time. Nikolai then opened her arms wide, Elsa wasted no time, and threw herself into the offered hug. The brunette squeezed her tight, strong arms holding her waist as Elsa kept her arms clutched to her chest.

Elsa felt a small bit of guilt at not returning the hug, but as Nikolai gently rubbed her back, shook it off. It would be fine for now, the dragoon showed no signs of distaste at the lack of return. In fact, Nikolai seemed to hold onto the queen tighter as her sobs finally came in full force. With this stalwart support to hold her together, Elsa let herself cry, left herself accept what happened and flush out the shame she’d suffered for weeks.

Birger needed her.

Birger needed Elsa to find him, to resolve their bond and to bring him home. In their short time together, it was clear to queen and dragon they needed one another. But now, Birger was lost, and Elsa was done punishing herself for her mistake. Now, with Nikolai here, and the rest of the dragoon’s skilled companions on their way, the time had come. In but a short while, the search would begin…

I’m going to find you, Birger. I promise. You crossed a thousand leagues to find me…now…

It’s my turn.

#Frozen #Frozen Fan Fiction #Birger #Elsa #Nikolai #Trials By The Beasts Part 1

2 notes · View notes

nothingwithoutwannaone · 6 years ago

Text

Twilight - Ong Seong Wu

In which Seong Wu’s coffee serves as a source of hope.

“Beautiful wonderful

Those are cliché words

I can’t express how I feel

With those words

Ay I feel stupid when I’m in front of you

I keep repeating the same jokes

But you still laugh

Do you feel the same way?

I smile because of you

I forget about my unclear future

Am I being too greedy?” - Twilight (Wanna One)

In celebration for Wanna One’s 1st Debut Anniversary, @ongsung an I have decided to release a series of oneshots daily, starting from today July 27th and ending on August 6th (August 7th in KST, and thus Wanna One’s anniversary).

I’ve chosen to write based on a selection of Wanna One songs, and she’ll be writing based on the individual teasers that were released for Energetic/Burn It Up. We will link each other’s stories below, so feel free to read hers after this one. See you tomorrow in our next installments :)

Seong Wu carefully poured the cream until it reached just under the brim of of the coffee cup. Selecting the appropriate lid size, he capped the cup before turning around to hand it to the waiting customer.

“Here is your order, sir. I hope you enjoy it!”

The customer thanked him before leaving, and Seong Wu turned around to tackle the next order. However, before he could, his co-worker Woo Jin called out to him.

“Seong Wu hyung, do you mind taking over the counter for a bit? I have to run to the bathroom.”

“Sure, just hurry back. Rush hour is coming up and I don’t want to be manning the counter alone.”

“Got it, will be back in a flash,” Woo Jin said before throwing off his apron and rushing to the bathroom.

Seong Wu punched his credentials into the register before looking up to see the most beautiful person enter the cafe. That might have sounded like an exaggeration, but Seong Wu truly did believe that. Something about her drew him in, and he braced himself as she walked up to the counter to place an order.

“Hello, welcome to The Bean. What can I get for you today?”

“I’ll take a small cafe latte with soy milk, please.”

“All right. Your total is $3.25...and your name?”

“Y/N”

And he wrapped up the transaction before telling her the order would be ready in a few minutes. Seong Wu felt his heart pound faster when she smiled and thanked him before going to wait on the side.

Looking at the cup with which he was going to prepare her coffee, Seong Wu thought for a few seconds before grabbing a pen and scribbling a some lines onto it:

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops -at all-

He then quickly prepared her drink before slipping on a cup holder and heading to the counter.

“A cafe latte with soy milk for Y/N?”

She looked up from her phone when she heard her name and walked over to accept the drink from his hand, their fingers brushing ever so slightly with the exchange.

“Thank you so much, have a good one today!”

He smiled shyly and nodded his head.

“Thank you, you as well.”

And with that, she was gone. Seong Wu let a breath as he began to stew over the poem he wrote on the cup. What spurred him to pen a verse from a famous poem, he had no idea. He ended up hiding them with the cup holder and he wondered if she would even see it. In the case she did see the poem, would she think it was weird? Would she not come back again? Clearly he was overthinking, and mussed his hair in frustration. It was to this sight that Woo Jin came back to.

“What happened? Demanding customer again?”

“No...but I might have chased one away.”

Seong Wu then launched into a story of what happened while Woo Jin was gone, his nervousness increasing as he did. By the end of his story, all Woo Jin could do was smirk.

“Well, it’s too late to worry now, hyung. But in my opinion, it doesn’t seem that bad. I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”

Despite the poem he had so courageously (at the time, anyway) written on Y/N’s cup, Seong Wu didn’t have much hope that he’d see her again. But to his surprise, she was back again the next day. Upon entering, she searched the cafe until her eyes landed on him. When they did, she smiled and made her way to the counter.

“Hi, you’re the one who took my order yesterday, right?”

“M...me? I mean, yes I did!”

Seong Wu wanted to kick himself for stuttering. It wasn’t even a difficult question.

“Did you also write the poem on there?”

He balked slightly before answering. What would she think of him? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“Yes I did...I apologize if it wasn’t to your liking.”

“Oh, no, I’m not here to complain; I actually really liked it, and wondered where you got it from?”

“Where I got it from?”

She nodded and Seong Wu really wanted to sink into the ground now. Why was he repeating her questions back to her? He felt so stupid all of a sudden.

“Uh, I read it a long time ago but I remember it because it’s one of my favorite poems by Emily Dickinson. Many of her poem’s are numbered instead of titled; this particular one is poem 254.”

“I’ve heard of her before! I think I also read another poem by her back in the day. Do you think you could recommend to me some other poems?”

And so he did. Each day she came in for her coffee, he’d write down a snippet of a poem and the author so she could look them up. Some days he’d write some jokes, just so he could see her laugh when she read it. They were lame, and one time he even repeated a joke by accident, but she still laughed and that made him feel better.

The sight of Y/N everyday nearly made Seong Wu forget everything else. If he was in the middle of something, he’d put a hold on it just so he could greet her when she came in. Although he enjoyed daily encounters, he found himself wanting more, but afraid to ruin what they already had, he kept his feelings silent.

One particular day, Seong Wu walked into the cafe feeling unusually nervous. The feeling of butterflies wouldn’t leave his stomach, and when Y/N came in, he pushed the feeling down to greet her.

“Same as usual?”

“Yes, but I also had something else to ask.”

Seong Wu stopped writing her order and looked up curiously to see Y/N look at him. Was she okay? She looked almost...nervous?

“What is it, Y/N?”

“I was wondering...if you had time this weekend? We could catch a movie before grabbing dinner?”

Seong Wu’s mind blanked as he tried to process her words. She was asking him to watch a movie with her, and to eat dinner with her. He wasn’t imagining things, was he? Seeing how he was not answering, Y/N began to feel embarrassed and diverted her gaze.

“Well...uh, I suppose this is awkward now...I’ll, I’ll just get going.”

That shook Seong Wu out of his reverie immediately and he frantically spoke.

“Wait, wait, don’t leave. I didn’t mean to make you wait! I was just really surprised, that’s all!”

“Surprised?”

He smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his neck.

“I’ve actually had a crush on you since the first day we’ve met. I guess I was in shock that you’d be interested in me at all.”

They both met eyes and blushed as realization sunk in. It looked like there was hope after all.

A/N: Lyric translation credited to colorcodedlyrics

Also realized after writing this that it could be part of the same universe as Woo Jin’s story from my monthly series here LOL

Poem 254 - Emily Dickinson

nothingwithoutwannaone: Min Hyun I Ji Hoon I Jae Hwan I Guan Lin I Dae Hwi I Jin Young I Ji Sung I Woo Jin I Seong Wu I Sung Woon I Daniel

ongsung: Min Hyun I Ji Hoon I Jae Hwan I Guan Lin I Dae Hwi I Jin Young I Ji Sung I Woo Jin I Seong Wu I Sung Woon I Daniel

Master List

#wanna one #wannaone #wanna one imagines #wanna one seongwu #ong seongwu #nothingwithoutwannaone #w1 1st anniversary special

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marvelingjules · 7 years ago

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A, B, S

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

Hmmm, hard to decide honestly! There’s ones I love for different things, and so picking a favorite is hard.

I’ll admit I’ve had a blast writing my Blood and Fang verse here on Tumblr. It’s big and not entirely cohesive because it’s drabbles I wrote non-chronologically. But I’ll admit to loving writing about werewolves, and right now I’ve got the start of “Hope Romance Plot” which will basically be cutesy get-together fluff.

I also absolutely adore Pretend We’re In Love (The Heartache Still Hurts). I wrote it because both @27dragons and I wanted to read fake-engaged AUs from a post that was going around, so we wrote them for each other. It definitely spiraled beyond what I’d expected, and a lot of it was a kind of catharsis for me; a lot of what I saw the year before, when my nana passed, I used in that fic (but with less of the family drama stuff that was still going a year later, when I wrote the fic). It’s also Tony/Rhodey and definitely one of my favorites I’ve ever written. I spent so long plotting it, talked with a bunch of people about it when I’d get stuck, and I’m honestly proud of it, as well as love it.

B: What was the first fandom you read fic in? Which was the first you wrote fic for?

Hmmm… I wanna say it was Maximum Ride, tbh. Before that I wasn’t sure I even know fanfic existed. I think I was on the Maximum Ride website, trying to find out more about upcoming books or something, and there was a link to fanfic.net? I didn’t realize what it was at first, but it was tons of fun.

Now, if we’re counting fanfic I published? That didn’t happen until high school, when a friend (I’m half-convinced she was part Fae) snatched my writing notebook out of my hand, read the fic I was writing just for myself in there, and gave it back with the very strong demand to “write more.” It was Twilight fanfic. If we’re talking anything I wrote, even if I didn’t publish it anywhere? Good lord, I was writing fanfic, despite not knowing that’s what it was, back as far as I can remember. Might have been LotR fanfic. I have a vague memory of writing fanfic for the Inheritance series (you know, Eragon?) too.

S: How do you feel about fan art inspired by your writing?

I feel fantastically excited even thinking about it?! I’ve had fanart drawn for Sandbox verse Steve/Bucky/Tony, with their poodle puppy Peggy, and sometimes I like to just go fawn over it all over again lol. I’ve had someone make two aesthetic boards for Blood and Fang - one for the series in general, one for Sam/Steve. Oh, and beir once drew some fanart for a fic I wrote for her for one of the Winteriron Exchanges!

I think fanart inspired by fanfic is just one of the most delightful ways that two different mediums of fandom get to interact, you know? We’re all playing in the sand sandbox, but then we start playing in each others little corners of it, and that’s just making everything all the more fun.

Plus, it’s absolutely flattering to me? That someone would be so inspired and excited/touched/delighted by something I wrote that they drew something because of it? I’d never say no to it, that’s for sure.

#Jules answers #fanfic writer asks #musicalluna

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zzpopzz · 7 years ago

Photo

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

#toumaki #tweetdump #rant #poopask

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warriorgays · 8 years ago

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I'm going to ask the most broad and annoying question so forgive me, but what happened to everyone after Through the Gay Days ended? I have never been more invested in a group of characters in my life and I desperately want them all to be happy, whatever form that takes, in the end. Also! what other sources did you draw from besides Coming Out Under Fire? I was so impressed with how well researched everything was. 💖

OH MAN I didn’t expect to actually get a question, lol!! And that’s one I’m happy to answer, because I did think a lot about it. idk if I’m ever going to actually write a follow up, because my WIP list is soooo long and, tbh, the 50s are SO DEPRESSING in terms of LGBT stuff.

IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO WRITE THIS UP. I APOLOGIZE. UNDER A CUT BECAUSE HOLY FUCK. I apologize for any typos but I’m just publishing instead of proofreading because what the fuck.

In terms of sources... I really think Coming Out Under Fire was the main “intentional” one. I have a BA in history and I’m getting my MA right now, so I’ve READ a lot of history and probably unconsciously drew on a lot. the other one I can definitely think of is Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers, by Lillian Faderman, which covers lesbian U.S. history from the early 1900s to the 1980s. she draws on COUF for her 40s chapter (which is kind of a bummer because I was hoping for more WWII lesbian-specific content lol), but she’s good at covering some of the broad-strokes history of sexuality and LGBTQ identity. Becoming Visible by Molly McGarry is a really cool illustrated history, too, I’ve read that a few times over the years.

SO, for post-war lives, I’m going to warn you real quick it does get depressing for everybody for a little bit because uhhh the 50s fucking sucked? Faderman talks about this a lot, and actually Stephanie Coontz is a good source too--she has this book titled The Way We Never Were, which basically debunks the idea of “the ~traditional~ family” and looks at the ways our perceptions of society’s values have changed. and one thing she points out is that the 1950s are really the first time when society looks at single men--all single men--and thinks “there must be something WRONG with them.” before that, people were willing to accept that some dudes just didn’t want to get married, for plenty of reasons that had nothing to do with homosexuality, but in the 50s everyone was so gungho about The Family that anyone not into it was looked at with suspicion. add that to the whole “homosexuals are susceptible to Communist blackmail, better fire them all” and things fucking sucked.

I PROMISE HAPPY ENDINGS, THOUGH, because the whole “LGBTQ people lived depressing lives until these Enlightened Times” trope is my least favorite trope ever.

SO, for Gene Roe, my first thought for his post-war life was this Gaslight Anthem lyric that @antiquecompass prompted me for a Snafu/Roe fic foreverrrrrr again: “I’m in love with the way you’re in love with the night.” so I imagine that Snafu comes home, and they try to just settle into things as usual, but Snafu starts really pushing Gene’s buttons. being more snide, being disrespectfully obvious about being nonmonogamous (like it’s one thing to go cruising and another to bring dudes home to the apartment you’re sharing with your boyfriend, COME ON MAN), trying to pick fights. and of course the impetus for all this is Snafu struggling with PTSD and thinking that Gene is too good for him but not being able to end it himself. of course Gene doesn’t put up with this bs, so one day Snafu finally admits he’s doing this because he’s afraid the war turned him into kind of a fucked up asshole, and Gene’s like “you were always a fucked up asshole? what’s your point? I love you?”

so then things kinda simmer down. Gene’s not Officially a doctor anymore, but he and Snafu live in an apartment building in the poorer part of the city with a lot of ~ethnic~ folk nearby some black neighborhoods, so he does some informal community doctoring around those buildings, and that earns him enough goodwill that he and Snafu don’t really have to worry about getting caught out. it’s the kind of neighborhood where a lot of people have to... bend the law a bit to get by, to be happy, whatever, so people trade food and skills as needed and there’s always an alert if the cops are coming by. it’s a good place for them. they’re happy. I’ve only really thought ahead like ~ten years, but I can imagine them eventually moving on when the community moves on, you know, whether to another city or somewhere a little more rural, depending, and that being okay. and I think, with Gene’s influence, and seeing how strong the ties are between the Pansies with Parachutes(TM), Snafu is able to reach out to Sledge and Burgie and the rest more than irl/show canon.

Babe and Spina are the other two that totally make it, soulmates, heartbreakingly cute. but I promised a little heartbreaking, so basically my idea is that they actually move in together a little while after the war, but at some point Babe’s mom realizes what’s up and... does not take it well. gives him an ultimatum, break up with Ralph or she won’t let him near the family, which Babe finds agonizing because he’s really close with his family but Ralph doesn’t have very many relatives, at least not close by (in this verse at least), and even if he could bring himself to break up with Ralph, at this point he doesn’t think his mom will ever treat him the same anyway.

in my head there’s a really sweet scene when Ralph finds out what happens and a lot of hugging and comforting. but yeah. that briefly sucks. what DOESN’T suck is when Babe decides, after a few months, that he has to tell Bill (because Bill has gotten so close to the Heffrons that of course he notices when Babe suddenly isn’t speaking to them), and Bill proves himself to be a total Bro who decides that, well, the typical idea of a homosexual CLEARLY doesn’t fit Babe and Spina so... it’s all good? like c’mon they went through a war together, that’s worth something, right?

I think eventually Babe and Spina move, too. not super far, just maybe to, idk, New York, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, somewhere they can visit everyone but maybe far enough to put some distance between them and bad memories, and also because South Philly is small when your family isn’t speaking to you, you know? possibly they end up in the same city as Luz and Tipper (see next), I’m not 100% sure but I’m vaguely attracted to the idea of everybody ending up on a commune, lol.

so I think I’m probably meanest to Luz, because I imagine him getting arrested at some point. sorry, boo. his reaction is to pay the fine and slink out, and get out of dodge for a while to avoid his family getting any blowback, and he ends up visiting Tipper, who’s really frustrated (which I alluded to a bit at the end of Through the Gay Days) because he just doesn’t click with his old friends as much and he hasn’t had a lot of luck romantically. and again I have this clear scene in my head of Tipper helping Luz dress in drag for the first time, lots of giggling and teasing, but Tipper doesn’t really do drag anymore because he can’t keep his balance in heels, and they end up talking about their frustrations and venting and whatnot. and eventually Luz is like “you know what? fuck it! run away with me!”

and Tipper’s like “fuck it, let’s do it!” so they just kind of live a semi-nomadic life? idk, maybe not really nomadic, but they get jobs that let them move/travel, so they don’t have the pressure of expectations. I’m on the fence about whether they do this as lovers... I would say not, like, REALLY. like possibly a friends with benefits thing (and I’ll point out that Luz is one of the only other named characters who interacts with Tipper, other than Liebgott, because Tipper’s in charge of the map during the Major Horton scene, so that chemistry could totally work). because they’re, like, the two from the fic whose relationships don’t end up going anywhere, and I don’t want them to pine after the Joes forever, and they don’t, but sometimes people just don’t find their soulmates, it happens, and they can at least make each other happy.

this is one of those verses where I’ve decided Liebgott gets to keep his wife-and-kids dream. I do think he’s gay in this verse, and when he gets engaged he writes a letter to Tipper basically seeking closure, admitting he dealt with things in kind of a shitty way and admitting it might be nice to have a Gay Posse, but he also takes his marriage seriously even if it’s not a love match, and doesn’t seek romantic or sexual encounters with men. idk if Joe Toye actually gets married in this verse, but I don’t see him as gay. if we were to retroactively apply the Kinsey scale, I’d say he’d be a 1 or a 2, in which the situational aspect of war kind of pushed him towards interactions that he may have subconsciously desired, but definitely wouldn’t acknowledge in a normal time and place.

as for Chuck! I kind of like the future I give Chuck, partly because he conveniently is from the LA area. so for him, I imagine that at some point Ron Speirs just kind of shows up on his doorstep one day and they become, like, an actual Thing. and it’s good for a couple of years, but Ron seems... restless. and eventually Chuck sits him down and flat-out says “look, I really don’t think you’re cut out for this settled-down long-term-relationship kind of thing. we had a good run, we can part on good terms, but you can travel and have adventures and do all the stuff you want to do.” and then, correctly, points out that one of the reasons Speirs is so reluctant to do that is because he feels guilty for Chuck getting shot, which doesn’t really make any sense. Chuck’s only request is that Ron NOT GO BACK INTO THE ARMY, because fuck Korea, have you heard how many gay soldiers are getting kicked out of the military nowadays? Speirs agrees and they break up amicably.

(is Chuck still in love with him? yes. does it hurt like a motherfucker? yes.)

ANYWAY. the L.A. is where the Mattachine Society, the first official homosexual organization in the country, was founded in 1948... or maybe 49. I forget. the founder started asking around a while before he found people who were actually willing to join up. I figure Chuck eventually joins up and is the first of the Pansies with Parachutes(TM) to really develop a political gay identity. and through that org he eventually meets Beth, a lesbian who’s just broken up with her gf and is kind of panicking because now she might have to leave her apartment and go back to her parents in Nebraska, and they become fast friends and fuck it, why not get married? it’s good cover, and I could have also gotten a chance to talk about the working class lesbian bar scene in the 1950s, which is a cool topic.

if this were a formal fic, I would end it with 1952, when the entire group reunites in honor of the 10-year anniversary of them meeting at Toccoa. since it’s not, suffice to say they do have all-group reunions, and they also visit each other and call and write letters and stay friends 5ever. at some point Babe and Spina have a not-wedding (there’s a picture of a wedding in the 50s with two grooms in flower crowns in Becoming Visible, I love that picture) and they all come and celebrate. OH and at some point between Luz getting arrested and meeting with Tipper, he definitely visits Gene in Louisiana and they make out a bit. because, tbh, I caught a bit of UST in Through the Gay Days--I don’t know if it’s a ship I’d ship in any other verse, lol, but in this verse I feel like they need to make out.

anyway. eventually the 50s end. I want to say that by the time Stonewall happens, either Tipper&Luz or Babe/Spina (both??) are living in NYC and for three days everyone is frantically calling each other going “DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS???” and Chuck becomes totally into the California gay scene, and Babe’s nieces and nephews eventually reach out to him, Tipper and Luz either... idk, become real boyfriends or get hot younger boyfriends and become Wise Gay Dads to the younger crowd. Snafu and Gene grow old together, as hard as it is to imagine old Snafu.

EVERYBODY IS HAPPY AND FRIENDS AND GAY, THE END.

#onlythenuns

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kraken-spines · 8 years ago

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Book Discussion Challenge: Vampires

May 26

I’m going to reminisce about vampire lit that I’ve read starting way back from 2002. All aboard my nostalgia train, it’s got vampire books on it*. Warning: It’s only me prattling on about my history of vampire books for about ~2,000 words.

2002 The Year of Scholastic Vampires, 8-9 years old

This was the first vampire book I ever read:

Cracked Classics: Trapped in Transylvania by Tony Abbott. I got it when it first came out (at one of those school book fairs or something) at around 8 years old and reread it over and over again. I read the other books in the series too but this one was special. It’s a portal fantasy about two kids Dylan and Frankie who get transported into books via the “broken” but ~magical~ library security sensors. What this book showed me was that I needed more vampire books and fast.

So I went on the prowl and found:

The Cirque Du Freak series by Darren Shan - it felt so edgy for an 8 year old. And I loved it. It was probably the first series that I actually completed finished. (No I haven’t read the Larten Crepsley Books...are they any good?) I loved the worldbuilding, the vampire culture, though now looking back, it does seem pretty sexist with the “Women don’t stay vampires for long because they want babies too badly so they go crazy and die lol” thing (did that happen or am I confusing it with another series?). But that’s besides the point, that flew over child-me’s little head.

2003, The Year of Pulp, Folklore, and Teacher Interventions, 9-10 years old

After that there was several other books a lot that have since faded from memory: A lot of “Vampire Encyclopedias”, pulpy and gorey obscure nonsense - from the child friendly to the “Your child is drawing bloodthirsty wolves again” and some truly trashy stories.Which of course I delighted in.

-I actually found this book again at a Book Sale. Funny enough, I think it’s my copy. So I bought it again. I’ll have to give it a reread someday.

I remember reading this one in particular cover to cover in the summer by the pool in ‘03. Unfortunately, I moved often I don’t have my original books anymore. But it had all sorts of different vampire folklore, filmographies, medical illnesses, hoaxes all wrapped up in one heavy tome. I did manage to watch A LOT of vampire movies this year.

Speaking of vampire movies, I was a fan of the Blade movies and because of that I read:

I think most people would notice by now that I had free reign over whatever I wanted to read or watch. Which was so liberating. I don’t think people realize how children aren’t given much control over their lives and free time. And that choosing reading materials without judgement is so freeing for this age group. Enough of that. Blade was awesome. The movies were awesome. The comics that I read perpetually out of order so I never understood the continuity were awesome.

2004, The Year of Bloodthirsty European Castle Dwellers, 10-11 years old

At eleven, I saw this exact copy of Dracula:

-And it told me “You have dawdled enough, it is time,”

So my mom bought me this copy. (Don’t ask why it had to be this exact one, I don’t know my reasoning.)

I absolutely loved it. I was nervous to start reading it but decided I was prepared. I watched countless vampire movies, many of which were Dracula inspired, I read other vampire books, and all I did was hope that it would hold up to my expectations. Nothing compared to the chemistry the characters had in this book and the devotion they had to one another. At eleven I remember thinking it was a “cool team”, and I paid attention to the markers of vampirism and the difference between the movie versions.

After reading Dracula I wanted to know more about ‘Vlad the Impaler’, Transylvania, and these historical events Stoker drew from and thus came this book:

I read a lot of articles online as well. The origins of vampirism fascinated me as a kid. I marveled at the worldwide phenomena of vampiric folklore. I wanted to know more about Elizabeth Bathory since she had vampire hoaxes, rumors, and allegations hurled at her. So then I got to reading more about this woman:

Mostly articles online. Which was for better or worse. I remember weeding through a lot of conspiracy theories in order to get to more realistic, evidence backed, biographies. And there are many, many, many weird theories about Elizabeth Bathory out there that 12 year old me should not have read.

2005, The Year of the Plague of Crappy Vampires and the Birth Year of My Pettiness, 11-12 years old

I don’t know how I got this book (actually I think it was my little sister’s and she gave it to me), Vampire Plagues: London 1850. It’s important to note that I was incredibly petty as a child and despite reading the first three books, I still loathed it. I think this was a series child-me was rage reading. Sorry, Sebastian Rook, it seems I never gave your series a fair shot.

I’m only sticking with the ones I definitely read in definite years -for the sake of linearity! I saw this next book at the library:

Thirsty was a weird gay allegory that depressed me. I didn’t like how it equated being gay with being vampire even though I know the author had good intent. I read Feed before I read this one. Which I liked a bit more.

2006, The Year of the Sacrificial Vampire,12-13 Years Old

I had A LOT of books. But unfortunately, they couldn’t all come with me. So I lost a lot of my favorites. My Cracked Classics was falling to pieces anyway, it was thrown away long before then, Dracula survived, Weird Tales and a lot of my other pulp anthologies got lost or I got rid of. (I did, believe it or not, have other interests besides vampires) so it seemed only natural that some vampire books would need to be sacrificed for the sake of my newly culled collection. Cirque du Freak made it only because the series wasn’t quite complete yet it got culled in a later year if I recall correctly.

A lot of people’s first Westerfeld is Uglies, which is a fantastic series, but I started with Peeps. I got it from the library and read the duology over a weekend. I remember enjoying the concept of the disease but the plot and characters were ultimately mediocre.

2007, The Year of: “HAVE YOU READ TWILIGHT YET?” The Apex of My Pettiness or the Stalemate, 13-14 years old

In my group of friends Blue Bloods was the “in book”. Not Twilight. Even though Twilight was HUGE. Even before the movie. My friend Skyler was angry that Twilight was so popular when she believed Blue Bloods to be superior. I never did get around to the Blue Bloods books even though she gave me the first in the series. I think this book was lost into the oblivion in a later year. Sorry.***

I did wind up reading the first two Twilight books to spite Skyler. I didn’t enjoy the series enough to continue it. Vampire Academy came out this year too. But I never read that either. (I think).

Another vampire book I did remember reading in 2007 was Vampire High. It’s some obscure book that I only remember because I thought it was unremarkable. I think I read it to spite Skyler actually because I remember pretending to love it at the time.

2008, The Year of Edgy High School Freshmen Watching True Blood, 14-15 Years Old

The first vampire book of the year was probably this one:

It was my first Stephen King. And weirdly enough, I haven’t read another since even though I thought Salem’s Lot was good. I don’t know why I haven’t gotten back to King actually. Huh. That’s weird. Anyways, in this summer I found this book:

Sucks to be Me was adorable. I don’t remember reading the sequel. But it was the perfect summer read for me at the time. I liked Mina as a character and thought how vampirism takes place was neat-o.

2009, 15-16 Years Old, The Year of SOOKEH Ends With a Were-Tiger

I never watched Vampire Diaries or any other vampire show. Kolchak was my one and only. And even though there were other monsters in the show, it’s still kinda a vampire show because they did turn up in one episode. I did watch True Blood. And because of that during the summer I read this:

I read the Sookie Stackhouse books poolside in the summer and poolside on winter break. I had a lot going on that year and thus I read a lot of light stuff in my spare time. I think I stopped reading these books at #6 because then it started getting ridiculous and the plot holes got bigger and bigger. Around 2011 is when I lost interest in True Blood as a TV series. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

2010, 16-17 years old, The Year of the Coupon Clipping Vampire

Around this time is when I got my first Kindle. I didn’t mention my first Nook (which I got because my nook was a loathsome creature that hid under my bed and growled when I tried to awaken it from it’s dormancy). My Kindle, didn’t. And it was an awesome fellow.

Around this time I found various free or 99 cents books. Some had vampires some didn’t. Some were a bouquet of typos some weren’t. But discovering something that was good enough, was a fun process. One of the more notable titles that I read through was:

My Blood Approves for those who don’t remember it was very popular. Like a #1 best seller on amazon or something extreme. I was lured into reading it by the very low price tag. It was a bit of a guilty pleasure and again I had a hectic life so this series was an easy read. Except, then she never finished the series. It was like a B-movie in book form. The Bloody Bros were real annoying at times. And my teenage blood did not approve of Jack or Peter I really didn’t like how Jane was offed either.

2011, 17-18 Years Old, The Year of Letting the Vampire in a Year Too Late

I didn’t get to watch Let Me In (2010) the previous year. Because unlike vampires I do have a life. But, I did get to read the book in 2011:

Notice how I read more in my childhood versus adolescence? Heh. That’s high school extracting my soul. Let The Right One In was amazing. I remember making all these theories about it, putting sticky notes in my beaten up dogeared coffee stained library copy and doing an in-depth read.

2012, 18-19 Years Old, The Year of the Dorm-room Dracula

So this is the year I graduated high school and when I went back to Dracula, same edition from my childhood. It was one of the first books I read in my college dorm room.

Except this time I noticed the xenophobia, how women were treated throughout, the religiosity, and how it really did reflect a Londoner’s thought process at the time. I still love it but understood it on a deeper level than the eleven year old who saw friendship conquering evil, cool monsters, and familiars.

2013, 19-20 Years Old, The Vampire Gap Year

No vampires here. No fun here. No anything here.

2014, 20-21 Years Old, The Year of Fickle Lesbian Vampires

I read a lot of J. Sheridan Le Fanu and of course when one reads J. Sheridan Le Fanu they read:

Camilla. I don’t know why it took me so long to read. But it did. I really enjoyed it. Now reading this in the present day it’s cliche and predictable. But then, it was a one of a kind sort of story.

I also read from the same era-ish:

Varney The Vampire was originally a serial, in it’s final book published form it reads a bit awkwardly and it’s contradicting. Varney is an erratic and fickle train-wreck. The book is full of oddities like the author had so many ideas where to take the story and couldn’t choose on which way was the best way. So he took them all.

It felt relevant at the time to me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I knew I couldn’t do everything at once - and if I tried it would wind up being a penny dreadful that no one bothers to read anymore. I knew I had to make a choice and I knew I had so many choices out there. But I could only choose one. Varney gave me the motivation to not be a fickle train-wreck basically. In a “don’t be like me,” fashion.

2015, 21-22 Years Old, The Year of The Baby Vampire

So this year I actually chose a vampire book for an assignment it’s not one you would expect:

Going full circle, I started again with an even younger version of Dracula than Cracked Classics. It’s only a counting primer for very young children. And I used it in an essay about inspiring children to become readers. Whether abridged works encourage or discourage children from reading the originals, to using comic versions of classics, modern young adult versions of classics, etc. Even though this book wasn’t around as a young child, it’s definitely one that would be cute for an infant’s library.

2016, 22-23 Years Old, The Year of Dirt Filled Coffins

Nothing happened here. Keep going.

2017, 23-24 Years Old, The Year of Vampires Returning For Good (Maybe)

And now we’re almost at the point of departure. I’m most likely going to read Dracula again this year, unfortunately I lost my old Dracula book at college. I’ll need to go to the library to get a good edition. (I want an annotated edition). I’ll have to buy a new one someday though maybe I’ll choose a different edition this time. Besides the same old Dracula by Bram Stoker here are a few other vampire books I have on my TBR:

Fledgling by Octavia E. Butler

The Vampyre by John William Polidori

The Vampire Tapestry by Suzy McKee

The Powers of Darkness by Bram Stoker & Valdimar Ásmundsson

The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez

Fevre Dream by George R.R. Martin

I think the big question now is why? Why did vampires appeal to me? Vampires appealed to me as a kid because I didn’t want to grow up, I didn’t want the responsibilities that came with it, (and, to be honest there are some of those responsibilities I’d rather not have now).

Vampires seemed like an escape to a youth that no one could age out of. They often live swankily, stayed up all night, didn’t really have responsibilities, and had supernatural powers including charisma (the inhuman kind), flight, shape shifting, super vision, and/or super strength. And who wouldn’t want that?

I had no idea that such a generous portion of my life could be solely explained by vampire books that I read throughout my life. I had no idea this post was going to be as long as it is. This apparently happened. Get off the nostalgia train, we’re done for now. Unless of course you have vampire books you would like to recommend.

*Thanks for reading. I didn’t think anyone would bother reading this. Wow.

**Not her real name. Obviously.

*** I didn’t read Blue Bloods because Skyler refused to read 47 AND The Decoy Princess - two books I adored at the time and desperately wanted to talk about them to someone. (Granted neither of them were types of books she was interested in anyways she didn’t like time travel and didn’t like fantasy that wasn’t urban/in our world fantasy) This is why “Stalemate” is the alternative title of the year. I guess the stalemate is still in play because as far as I know she still hasn’t read either of them and I still haven’t read Blue Bloods - There’s just a lot less pettiness and more nostalgia attached to it now.

#book discussion challenge #justlikejosephine

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helmsplit-blog1 · 8 years ago

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the chain of memories novel was insightful, especially since there are handfuls of parts where it’s in repliku’s POV. some things are written differently and other things give context to the scenes of the game, but it’s darker.

better and it paints a picture of repliku’s feelings very well.

here’s my summary + character analysis based on his thoughts and things written from the novel -- and even headcanons to go with it.

i’d like to first start out by describing how repliku was when he finally completed all spanking new. his expression was blank and hard to read -- even vexen had a hard time understanding what was in his mind. he was quiet, just nodding along -- just following obediently as vexen tells him to embrace the dark and defeat riku. also, it’s important to note that vexen starts putting in those thoughts of “you’re different”, “you’re better than him” by saying “that one is afraid of the dark”. keep that in mind as i keep going.

repliku starts asking himself questions and creating doubt for himself which is a reoccurring theme as the story progresses. he tries his best to dispel them because “there was no need to harbor those thoughts”, but even he’s confused by his thoughts. “he wasn’t sure whether those were thoughts he’d been given or things that had been inside him all along.” this was right after his creation and he’s already questioning himself.

in comes riku where they first meet. he acknowledges that his goal was to become the better riku -- the one who isn’t afraid of the darkness. repliku could pick up on riku’s fear because “he’s a complete copy”, but even he couldn’t pick up on what ‘fear’ actually was and he’s fine with that because he says he wouldn’t need to feel such a thing.

so they fight and repliku’s already feeling frustrated with himself since riku’s stronger than him. thoughts like “is it because i don’t know how to use my own power” runs through his head, but he fights as much as he can before he runs off -- like he does a lot in this book. as he runs away, he makes it clear that vexen had lied to him:

“much stronger than me but i’m him and he’s me... i was so sure that if i could use the darkness better, i’d be stronger than the original. that was what vexen told me, too.”

as he’s running away for the first time, he said it was the first time he’s ever ran and it felt good. that everything felt good and that he’s having fun. he then runs into vexen and tries to seek some sort of approval or praise from him, saying there’s nothing to worry about (implying that he finds promise in himself and that he can beat riku ‘the coward’ honestly?? this is probably the height of his ‘feel good’ state until it all goes down to hell.

also, before i forgot, there’s one moment before the scene ends where vexen says that he’ll make good use of him, and repliku mentions in his thoughts that the way vexen said that irritated him.

anyway, on to when repliku meets the larxene and axel.

axel calls repliku vexen’s valet (where repliku is all ‘i’m vexen’s servant) and larxene calls him a toy and he internalizes it even if he doesn’t realize it.

“i’m... a valet, and a product of research, and a toy... but i don’t really care what anyone says. all i have to do is become stronger than the real one and defeat him.

this quickly, quickly shifts when remaking his heart is brought up, causing repliku to get both panicky and angry because they want to make repliku become the real riku -- a wimp, as repliku likes to call him. he tries to fight larxene and he loses and we all know from the game that he ends up getting his heart remade anyway.

what’s different though is that repliku is put in a pod where his memories thus far has been stripped away and is slowly being replaced little by little. the writers allow you to see the memories which are VERY important since it shapes how he initially sees sora and reacts to him once he finally meets up with him.

it’s also important to note that repliku disassociates for most of this process. he’s pretty much in the backseat of all his fake memories, noting often that “something doesn’t feel right”, and asking to himself multiple times ‘is that me?’ ‘is that what i look like?’ ‘do i sound like that?’ and it’s surreal yet upsetting since even he is confused throughout this whole thing.

okay, so the memories are a lot so i’ll try to post the more important parts:

repliku has a crush on kairi, but he knows that kairi likes sora so he gives up. he decides to leave kairi to sora, instead pursuing naminé (where even says things like ‘sora has kairi... and you’ve got me) -- which comes up a lot in repliku’s interaction w/ sora.

repliku mentions multiple times that he’s never lied sora, and the thing that created his ultimate hatred was when sora wasn’t satisfied with a drawing naminé drew of him and he ripped apart the pages, stomping on them as well. naminé started crying and saying ‘sora, i don’t ever want to see you again!” before the scene fades. after that, it’s implied that naminé had left the island because of that incident, saying that it was all of sora’s fault before.

it then breaks to repliku’s first interaction with sora (note that his memory is still slowly coming, but it isn’t complete) and it takes him a while for him to realize that sora’s voice was sora’s and that his own name was riku. he realizes that he’s in the ballroom, but can’t remember how he got there. he has multiple thoughts over and over of confusion, saying things without thinking them which makes him uneasy. this whole interaction makes uneasy because his thoughts are saying that he’s following the basic outline, but he’s also thinking “WHAT OUTLINE?”

he throws cold words at him out of his own frustration at his memory, getting angry.

“sora, you never think of anything but naminé, i was the same... but you have kairi. so why can’t you just let me have naminé?!”

“why would she would she want to see you after what you did to hear?” (referring back to that memory of sora ripping the pages of her sketchbook).

he also mentions that he may be growing uncertain about himself, but the only facts he had were that he hated sora and that naminé doesn’t want to see him either -- or at least that’s what he wants to convince himself. as repliku fights sora, he has many thoughts of self-doubt such as

“i’ve never liked you, you know.” never...? even as those words left him, he felt reluctant to say them. i really never liked sora at all? he wasn’t sure. he couldn’t remember.

and then when sora smiles at him (it was the best sort of smile, the kind you give to someone you care about, and the boy felt bewildered), repliku’s resolve for hating him falls and he mentions that it makes him sad and that it hurt. that his memories and feelings inside him were all muddled and confused. he then has the thought of ‘i don’t understand’ and that confusion causes him to feel terror when he then runs away.

it then skips to where larxene and vexen found repliku collapsed on the floor in a corridor, larxene saying that she told vexen that repliku wasn’t ready yet whilst kicking his body. vexen then picks up his body, saying that his memories are still being rewritten. if the helix of his memories break down in the process, repliku himself will break down as well. he then says that he’s perfectly content with sending him to fight sora even after being weak as hell from not being complete.

repliku says in a small voice ‘make it stop’ that naminé hears, but everyone just ignores him and leaves the room.

incomes more memories leaving him abt 87% done:

sora ends up getting the keyblade and repliku is upset in his memories; he starts feeling inferior that he feels no match for sora, but naminé comforts him. she tells him that he’ll get stronger on his own and become the stronger one, but also telling him that she’s leaving the island (once again, it being because of sora).

repliku’s the one to open the door this time and he tells sora to take care of kairi. ‘i can leave kairi to sora and i’ll take care of naminé.’

next is the promise at the shooting stars where repliku promises that he’ll protect naminé and she gives him a star-shaped paopu charm that she says ‘you’ll never ever be parted from the one you love’ which leaves him flustered lol.

repliku mentions that he hates sora because he barges in on his mind and heart without trying, but then he corrects himself by saying that he really doesn’t hate sora. ‘but he just couldn’t be that straightforward himself, and he envied that, so much it made him sick...’

memory: 100%

the memory breaks and he finds himself in a room w/ the paopu charm in his hand again not knowing why or how he got there once he wakes up. he hears larxene taunting naminé and he tells her to cut it out, comforting her by saying ‘don’t worry. whatever’s hurting you, i’ll make it go away. i swear on the good luck charm you gave me.” her eyes are all full of regret, but he doesn’t realize it because he’s already leaving to go wait for sora. the only thing on his mind is to defeat sora, when sora comes and they start talking, repliku is comforted from the fact that sora seems to have foggy memory bc it’s not just him.

and ofc they fight. it ends with sora leaving and running away again, thoughts at the back of his mind of ‘but why do i hate sora so much? ...why?’ and then the scene ends.

it then skips to repliku running into axel at the corridor as he was trying to get away, axel giving him advice and ways of how to get more power. repliku asks why he’s helping hi, in which axel replies “because i wouldn’t mind seeing the hero taken down myself” but repliku knows there’s something else he isn’t telling him. axel is hella suspicious at this point, but he takes the card axel gave him and he vanishes to go traverse town to try to get more power.

because repliku is gone, he’s not there to be at one of the floors to fight sora and vexen gets in trouble for not having a watchful eye on him.

after a while repliku finds himself in twilight town, lost in his thoughts; asking himself why he can’t beat sora and why he wants to fight him at all. and that he has to defeat sora because by doing so is the only way to protect namine. after a while he finds himself near the mansion at twilight town w/ axel hidden behind the trees, the scene of sora fighting vexen right in front of him. repliku asks what’s happening and is all you said i’d get stronger if i came here’ and axel is like ‘is that would i said? i wouldn’t lie to you’ :)’. repliku manages to hear vexen say things like ‘the riku you speak of has but one fate -- to sink into darkness’ and he feels unease from hearing that. axel mentions that this is completely out of the plan and he forces repliku to portal out of there to take care of vexen. y’know, killing him.

repliku plays the ‘sink into darkness’ thing in his head, wondering what axel was doing and what he should do, but he’s also questioning himself about whether namine actually said she hated sora. he’s growing more and more uncertain, but he decides that the only thing he does know is that he’s going to protect namine from sora, that he has to beat him, and that he hates to save namine.

sora and crew come a few seconds later where sora is like “vexen is gone! you’re free now!” and repliku is just like ‘??? free??? from vexen? was he controlling me?” and then they start talking about the conflicting memory of the shooting star promise and the fact that they both have charms from namine. repliku gets rly mad and they start fighting, but at the back of his mind, he’s just ‘why can’t i win? why are our memories the same? what darkness am i going to sink into?’ and then he runs away again.

it skips to him meeting naminé as she’s running down the stairs and he’s asks her about her hating sora and asking what’s going on w/ the fact that he has a pendant as well. she apologizes and looks towards the floor, but he grabs her to the shoulders and asks what she’s saying sorry for all fiercely. and then she just comes out w/ telling him the truth:

“i made up you memories. they’re fake... and so are sora’s. i can control people’s memories. i’m a witch. i linked the chains of your memories. your memories are fake, made with links from riku’s memories... and i instilled them into the puppet that vexen created.”

and he soaks all that in, getting frustrated and angry. he’s screaming and clutching at his head, begging her to explain. she says that she doesn’t have time right now and she turns around and runs away from him, crying for her but she keeps running without turning back.

‘no one was there anymore to hear the replica’s cries’.

he spends his time after that trying his best to deny it, spiraling himself into yet another crisis.

‘it can’t be true. my memories, all fake -- that can’t be true!’

he sees sora and namine talking in the middle of the room and interrupts it because the only thing he’s latching onto at this point is to ‘protect namine’. sora and repliku fight and repliku has the advantage for once. he knocks sora back with namine pleading for him to stop and right when repiku goes to swing the keyblade towards him for the finishing blow, namine screams ‘NO’ and repliku fell to his knees and went out of commission. sora is calling his name w/ repliku thinking to himself ‘i hate you. why are you calling my name like that?’ before he passes out there on the floor. sora had asked her ‘WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM’? and something happened but i actually kinda forgot so...

anyway zoom zoom to right before the fight w/ marluxia. repliku is having a dream about namine where she says “you are my crime... and my punishment!” and he wants to scream at her not to say that, but he doesn’t because he doesn’t want to hurt namine. he wakes to the light of her hope and he gets up and running to where she is -- the room where sora and crew are about to fight marluxia.

marluxia tries to shit talk by calling him pathetic, but repliku doesn’t take the bait. he does have thoughts though that are like ‘there are memories i don’t want to lose. that’s why i was able to wake up. i haven’t cast aside my heart’s freedom. i only chose to have those memories. and i was able to choose because my heart is free.”

the fighting starts and repliku goes to get namine, picking her up in his arms to get her out of the way. she calls him riku, but he only replies with ‘i’m not riku’ as he places her behind a pillar. she says thanks and then he’s going to help sora fight marluxia.

turns out it was a imitation and they have to go to the ballroom, but sora tells repliku to protect namine which leaves him surprised and touched that someone would trust him with anything. repliku has these thoughts of wanting to run away, but he ends up asking in a small voice “you...don’t mind?” and sora is like “should i?” as he’s grinning lmfao. then repliku p much just replies w/ okay, looks at namine where she smiles at him and he just nods. she tells sora ‘don’t forget your promise!’ to sora and that makes repliku’s chest ache lol. sora then leaves, going to take care of marluxia.

namine and repliku are outside the room waiting and namine is all nervous. she’s asking if sora will be okay and repliku turns to look at her as he says “he’s your hero, isn’t he? if he made a promise to you, there’s no way he’ll lose.” she smiles as she says ‘you’re really nice, riku.” and he can’t even look at her because it’s the smile he knew from his memories the same day as she gave him the good luck charm and it’s just a sad time.

so it cuts again to after the battle. sora and namine are smiling at each other and repliku’s kinda disassociating again, but he’s startled out of it when sora asks if he’s okay (also calling him riku). repliku replies with “i’m not riku. i’m a fake. i can’t remember why i was created or where or when... all that’s inside of me is memories of you and namine. but i know they aren’t real.” goofy asks if namine can use her magic to get repliku’s memory back to normal and right when she tries to reply, repliku says ‘it’s alright, i’ll deal’ only because he knows if his memory goes back to normal, he’ll just have nothing left.

he turns to leave while thinking to himself that he had no idea what to do or what he wanted to do, but he’s stopped once sora tells him to wait. then sora says “who cares if someone else made you? you’re you and nobody else. you have your own heart inside of you. those feelings and memories are yours and yours alone. they’re special!” repliku notes that they’re well-meaning and he’s trying to hold back tears in his eyes from such kind words, but he doesn’t look back. he replies with “you’re a good person, sora. i don’t have to be the real riku to see how real your feelings are. that’s enough for me.” and he thinks to himself that that’s all he needs and it’s enough that he got to meet sora for real. and then he runs away. after a while he just stops and just stares at his feet, noting that his body was fake and his feelings are too, but he envies the real riku from the bottom of his heart.

he then stops in front of axel again w/ axel asking if he wants to become the real thing. repliku’s thinking to himself ‘if that was possible, he wanted it’ and then the scene ends.

it then moves to after zexion’s battle w/ riku when he comes back all weak in the basement; he’s scared when he sees repliku at first, but he relaxes once he notices it’s the replica. repliku is pretty stone face and just staring at zexion at this point, easily falling for axel’s ‘it must be rough, knowing you’re fake. wouldn’t you like to be real? all you need to is the kind of power that the real riku doesn’t have. if you get that, you can become a new person -- not riku or anyone else. you won’t just be a copy of someone. you’ll be your own self.” zexion’s pleading and panicking at this point, but it’s no use because repliku swings his sword and kills him.

okay so transitioning to riku and repliku in twilight town; repliku had chased him down because axel told him where riku would be. repliku says he still feels empty despite having these powers, but he’s just ??? if i kill the original riku, something will change?

he stops riku once he sees him though, pointing out to riku that ‘he’s changed because he’s not scared of his own darkness anymore’. riku asks how he can tell and repliku’s like ‘because i’m you’ in which riku replies ‘no, I’M me’ and repliku is like ‘must be nice being rea. a fake like me could never get away saying that.” repliku swings at him and it’s stronger than the first time they fought which riku taunts him with a ‘not bad for a fake!’ and repliku is just like ‘that’s right, i am a fake -- just a phony! the way i look, the way i feel, everything i remember! and even this newfound power!”

as they fight, repliku just keeps going with spitting out his insecurities:

“I took his power -- Zexion’s power, it’s mine now. But still...!”

“i thought finding some new strength would let me become someone else -- someone who isn’t a copy of you! but nothing changes... i’m still empty!”

“everything about me is borrowed. as long as you’re around, i’ll never be more than a shadow!”

the fight finally ends with riku tackling the replica to the ground, pressing his soul eater to his throat. repliku is just looking up at him like “so it’s over.... hm... death doesn’t frighten me. good riddance to the phony life.”

he starts thinking about his insecurities: ‘he wasn’t afraid of being destroyed. he was afraid... of forgetting. and being forgotten’. and the thoughts running through his head are ‘will sora remember me? or will his memories of me get mixed up with the real one, so he forgets i existed?”

then repliku goes on with “my heart was never real. even what i’m feeling now is probably all a fake.” riku seems to humor him by asking ‘what are you feeling’? and repliku smiles a lil to himself as he’s just ‘what happens when a fake like me dies? where will my heart go? maybe it’ll just disappear.” and he’s just thinking to himself how the sunset was such a nice thing for a last sight. riku replies w/ ‘it’ll go somewhere. maybe to the same place as mine’ and repliku gives this bitter smile as he’s like ‘tch. a perfect copy to the very end. that’s okay.”

AND THEN HE DIES AND MY EYES WERE WET.

#this is mostly for me L M AO sorry it's so long #disassociation /#save /#OOC.#8 pages #3720 words #i'm Tired

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ofimaginations-blog · 8 years ago

Note

♋ What drew you to this muse? for all of them!

❧ meme - @sebastianshaw❧ accepting

askfrihguhd 90s! You love to make things hard don’t you? XD

ADELLA

Adella was actually my second ever muse I played. She’s originally from a Disney group I was in when I first started RPing and a few of my friends that I still have from that group encouraged me to put her on here when I made this blog (especially considering one of them had her old boyfriend from that group on their blog as well. love you forever alex

ASHLEY SEAVER

So I kind of really love Criminal Minds tbh. I used to watch CSI when I was little with my mom, but sometimes that show could get a bit too graphic or disturbing in the forensics for me. When my mom started watching Criminal Minds though, I latched onto it very quickly. While there is still some graphic stuff, I liked that it went more into the minds of criminals than the forensics stuff. Plus, I just love the characters and their dynamic. My family has almost every season of the show on DVD and I have watched most of them several times.

As for why Ashley Seaver specifically, well – consider this: she’s the daughter of a criminally insane person that was removed was from her life as a teenager and that has shaped her a lot. She has dedicated her life to stopping people like her dad and helping people like her, but the experience has also made her a bit snarky and cynical and given her a tendency to to distance herself from others. She is brought onto a team that initially has trouble trusting her as a probationary member that later becomes accepted as a full member and in being with this group, she begins to realize that they all really care about her and starts to learn to open herself up more.

She is also an underrated character with an extremely interesting set up who was cast aside and largely forgotten way too soon.

I have two main types for characters, my friend. And she hits both of them.

BUTTERCUP

There isn’t really a whole lot to say for Buttercup besides that she is the titular character of my favourite book and movie of all time. She’s the reason my dad calls me princess and says as you wish to me a lot. She is the reason I tried to crimp my hair (with very stupid looking results that thankfully are not photographically preserved) as a kid. She’s a character I’ve had a strong attachment to for as long as I can remember, so I couldn’t not put her here honestly.

EMMELINE VANCE

Emmeline is another character I wrote previously in an RP group. I love Harry Potter and I love the unexplored possibilities of the Marauder’s Era. While I was in this group, I grew very attached to Emmeline and she quickly became one of my favourite muses to write, so when I made this blog it was an easy choice to bring her back here.

FAWN

Yet another former group RP character (a lot of those are/will be on this blog. They’re about half the reason I made it tbh. The other half is characters I wanted to play but didn’t feel I could handle more separate blogs for). Tinkerbell is one of my favourite animated characters, but when I started watching some of the disney fairies movies, Fawn interested me a lot. Her love of animals is something that I shared and is a character that I saw quite a bit of myself in. When we were developing some of the disney fairies for our group rp, my friend and I cowrote Fawn’s bio, taking a lot of inspiration from the area I grew up in and some of my personality traits. We’re far from the same person, but there’s a lot of similarities between us that were used in developing her background for our group universe, which basically meant I had to play her after that and, like Adella and Emmeline, she was one I became very attached to wanted to revive here.

FELICIA HARDY

One of my earliest introductions to Marvel was this Spider-Man video game my dad had and there were a few levels in it that featured a lot of Black Cat. She is basically my first memory of female marvel characters so there’s a lot of love and nostalgia there. Also, I have a thing for morally grey revolving door type characters apparently. It’s not a problem….

HATTER

Another former RP group character. Hatter was the first of the small handful of male muses I have written. Alice in Wonderland has always been one of my favourite stories, I have seen countless adaptations of it, and the many different approaches you can take to these characters intrigue me and make Hatter a fun person to write and develop.

KAREN PAGE

So I never read a whole lot of Daredevil before. It wasn’t that I didn’t like DD, it’s just that he didn’t appeal to me as much as the various X-Men groups, Cloak & Dagger, and some of the other series I read. However, when the Netflix show came out I just fell in love with Karen Page! She’s a character I’d been wanting to try out writing for a while but since I had so many blogs, I didn’t want to start a new one. Then I made this blog basically for the reason of being able to try out a bunch of muses I wanted to play so she was added here!

OSWALD

Another damaged, underrated character! Wow! Are you shocked?! (Also another former RP character).

Wanting to play Oswald came a little bit from Disney Nerd-ness. Does it get much more underrated than Walt’s forgotten first major character?

Plus, I just really loved Epic Mickey and yeah. He’s my type obvs.

ROSALIE HALE

The Twilight novels are my guilty pleasure, okay? I will freely admit this. Also continuing the trend of the damaged. Rose is one of the example I point to when it comes to the side characters in Twilight being more interesting than the main characters. Her history is sad, her love with Emmett is beautiful, and I just love her.

Also fun fact: my cousins and I did a play of Twilight for our families when the first movie came out because we were that freaking lame and I played Rose in that. Why do some of these characters have such embarrassing stories attached to them??

TESSIE

Another former RP character I was very fond of. Tessie is based off of one of Thumper’s sisters from Bambi (underdeveloped side character trend returns) so she’s a little bit more of an OC, but she has been fun to develop. She’s sweet and softspoken and probably a lot more like me than a lot of my other muses.

WANDA MAXIMOFF

Wanda is my favourite Avenger and favourite technically non x-men marvel character (though lbr, axis didn’t happen and she’s still a x-affiliated character). She fits My Type that I described with Ashley, and she’s a characted I relate to a lot for one reason or another even though we come from very different backgrounds. I currently write her as part of an RP group as well and I enjoy playing her there, but as much as I love group RPs and establishing a connected universe, I love the freedom of Indie RP a lot too and wanted to be able to play around with her more in an unlimited setting so….she’s here now too.

#sebastianshaw #answered ( ooc )#ooc ( munday )#so many patterns here omg

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lalka-laski · 5 years ago

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1. State your name: Elizabeth

2. State the name that your parents almost named you: My name was either going to be Catherine Elizabeth or Elizabeth Catherine and they drew slips of paper out of a hat to determine which.

3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? My sisters or my cousin Rachel

4. What was your first job? Camp counselor

5. Which of your relatives do you despise the most? Uhh, there’s some I don’t get along with and there are a few I consider not so great people. But I don’t despise any of them.

6. Did anything embarassing happen this week? Not that I can think of

7. Do you miss your ex? Not even a little bit! I have everything I could’ve ever wished for in a partner now and nothing else could compare

8. Do you ever dream about your ex? Not really

9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? I gravitate towards pastels and feminine colors, but I love classic black too.

10. How do you wear your makeup? Pretty natural and normal looking. The “no makeup” makeup look is my go-to.

11. What are some of your nicknames? Lala, Little Bit/Lil Bit, Enebis, Ela, Lizzie, Liz

12. How many bedrooms are in your house? One

13. How many bathrooms? One

14. Do you have a job? Sure do

15. Do you have a car? Sure don’t

16. Do you think you will go to college? Been there, done that. Wait actually, I’m considering going back for a Master’s at some point so...

17. Tell me what you think hate means: I don’t feel like getting all philosophical. I’m here for a good time, ok?

18. What is your definition of ugly: Physically or emotionally unappealing, I guess?

19. What is your definition of beauty: There is no singular definition of beauty and that has been one of the most freeing and empowering realizations of my life.

20. Do you have muscles? We all HAVE muscles. I just don’t have very defined ones.

21. How about abs? See above

22. Do you work out every week? Not even close.

23. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Of course

24. Name a fact that you think is bullshit: I don’t believe that we swallow seven spiders a year in our sleep or however that tidbit goes.

25. Have you ever seen Pen and Tellers Bullshit? Nope

26. Do you like Obama? I do

27. Did you like Bush? For sure not

28. Something about your neighbors that you hate: My upstairs neighbors have incredibly perfect timing for thumping around and making a ruckus. And by perfect timing I mean- as soon as I start drifting to sleep.

29. Something about your neighbors that you like: The only one Ive ever interacted with beyond a polite “hello” is the guy who lives across the hall. He’s a friendly dude!

30. Has your neighborhood ever thrown a block party? I don’t think so

31. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again? Yes

32. Have you ever held hands with someone of the same sex? Yeah, what a weird question

33. What kind of bathing suit do you wear? I have a few different styles

34. Do you like your eyes? I have a greater appreciation for them now that my boyfriend is obsessed with them. Every day he examines them and goes “alright, what color are they today?”

35. Do you think you are pretty? I am growing more and more comfortable with myself/my appearance thanks to my boyfriend.

36. What do you think of girls who are ugly, who think they are hot? If you think you’re hot, you are hot. And I respect the hell out of that!

37. Have you ever called someone fat? Yes but I wouldn’t do that again.

38. Have you ever confronted someone who was making fun of a stranger? I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a situation

39. Are you a bully? Absolutely not

40. Have you ever called a complete stranger fat before? This survey is WILD lol

41. Do mean people lack a soul? I’d say so

42. Have you ever put a curse on someone who said something mean about you? Daily

43. Have you ever practiced witch craft? It’s debatable

44. What do you think of Satanists? I respect them

45. Did you know people who practice satanism could curse you? That’s not what satanism is about. In my experience with it, it’s about the rejection of organized religion and the exposure of hypocrisies and injustices. They don’t actually believe in Satan and they certainly don’t worship him.

46. Do you believe in hexes? Maybe

47. Do you believe in vampires? I’m sure there’s actual blood suckers out there.

48. Who was the last person you cussed at? I can’t remember. That’s not really my style.

49. Do you have a jacuzzi? I wish!

50. How much money is in your pocket right this moment? Zero dollars and zero cents. I don’t even have pockets in these pants

51. How much money is in your checking account? I don’t know the exact dollar amount and I wouldn’t disclose it even if I did.

52. How much is in your savings? See above

53. Are you well off? I’m getting by

54. Do you have kids? Not yet. But I have two little girls I watch who keep me very busy and satisfy all my baby urges!

55. Do you want kids (for those who dont have them)? Someday yes

56. What do you think of people on welfare? That’s not my business at all and I’m happy there are resources available for those who need it.

57. If we had a war over a tax on tea, why the hell have we accepted a tax on everything else? Uhhh...

58. Are you smart? I’m book smart.

59. Did you ever get left back in school? Nope

60. How many times have you gotten after school detention? I did once in sixth grade because I forgot my homework so many times in a week. I was always a strong student and got top grades. However, I’m also easily distracted and a bit absentminded. So it wasn’t that I didn’t DO the homework, it’s that I didn’t turn it in.

61. How many times have you gotten in school suspension? Never

62. Have you ever been expelled? If yes, what for? Again, never.

63. What is your worst subject in school? Math of any sort and most forms of hard sciences. I excelled in humanities and arts though.

64. Tell me what your back pack looks like: I don’t have one

65. Who is the ugliest person in your school? Based on 'the inside': I’m not in school. Not that I would even answer this question regardless...

66. Who is the happiest person you know? Hannah, the 2 year old I’m watching right now. Her laugh and smile could cure even the most severe grump!

67. Who is the loudest perosn you know? That might also be Hannah

68. Who is the most annoying person you have ever met? No response

69. What celebrity do you think is hot? Idris Elba, Brandon Flowers, Shakira

70. Did you read Twilight? Shamefully, yes. I think only the first one or two books though. Not that it makes it any less embarrassing. But in my defense, I was a teen girl at the height of its fame!

71. Last movie you saw in theatre: Toy Story 4

72. Are you dating the same person you dated last year? Yep!

73. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? Yes

74. Have you ever cheated?

75. Have you ever flirted with someone online that you never met? I guess sort of?

76. Have you ever met with someone you met online? I did a brief stint on Tinder but only went on two in-person dates. God, I’m so glad to be past that phase!

77. Have you ever been mean to someone just to make yourself feel better? Maybe when I was younger and less self-aware. Of course that’s not behavior I’d exhibit anymore though.

78. Tell me one thing, about yourself, that makes you an ugly person? This survey is obsessed with beauty and ugliness, huh? Well I’d say my least appealing trait is my jealousy but I’m working on that

79. Have you been honest? In this survey? Yes

80. Have you ever done drugs? No hard drugs

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