#i realise that i get inspiration to write every year around this time somehow

[lovely-showtimes]

oh my god it feels so good to get that finished!! go me!!

[aquaticmercy]

Almost Kisses

Summary : Bucky's kisses have become a daily part of your life together, but it wasn’t always that way.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (she/her) 

Warnings : very slight mention of food and mild cursing

Requested by : @buckys-wintersoldier

Word count : 1.8k

Note : This one was very fun! I was listening to Work Song By Hozier while writing this, so it's safe to say the song served as a bit of inspiration, too. I did say it would be >1k word blurb but I have once again got over the limit.

Requests are open!

Kissing you had become second nature to Bucky. Every morning when he woke up, every night before bed. It was part of his routine, it felt as natural as breathing. He kissed you when he passed you in the kitchen, when you laughed at something ridiculous, when you weren’t paying attention. He kissed you just because he could.

It was hard for him to remember a time before that, but once, kissing you had seemed impossible.

The first time the thought even crossed his mind, you were standing outside his apartment door, trying to get his attention. Sam had called you, worried about him after days of radio silence, days of ignoring texts and phone calls from both him and his therapist. 

Sam could get through to Bucky on most days, but on the really hard ones, when the weight of his past pulled him under the covers and refused to let him go, there was only one person who could reach him. You. 

Somehow, Bucky had imprinted on you in a way he never had with anyone else. Sam wasn’t stupid— he knew that Bucky was down hard for you. Hell, everyone who ever saw the two of you interact knew that Bucky was in love with you. Everyone except you.

Because love had to keep you blind like that, at least for a while.

"Bucky?" Your voice was soft that day, muffled by the door separating you from him. You knocked again, gentler this time. "I brought you pizza. Just cheese, no toppings—your favorite." You paused, like you were waiting for signs of life, anything, but the silence was deafening. You lowered your voice, a whisper now. "I cut off the burnt bits, the way you like it."

The door creaked open, just a sliver of light pouring in from the apartment. Bucky's figure stood in the shadow, his frame filling the doorway, but his voice was small and frail. "Extra cheese?"

"Of course, Buck." Your lips curved up knowing you’ve essentially made it in. You slipped inside the moment he stepped back. 

That night, you didn’t leave his side. You pulled him out of the dark waters he had drowned himself in. He told you about his nightmares, the memories that wouldn’t let him breathe. You listened, laughed when he cracked the odd dark joke, and cried while exchanging stories. Minutes blurred into hours, and eventually, you fell asleep beside him on the couch, your head resting on his shoulder. 

That was the night he realized what you did to him. You didn’t just pull him out of his pit of despair— you made him feel alive. Electric.

The next morning, you took a shower, borrowing one of his shirts since yours were dirty. Seeing you in his oversized clothes twisted something inside him, drove him insane with wild thoughts— he almost said something, but bit his tongue to stop the flow of words that would have been unstoppable. When you hugged him goodbye, he held on just a second too long, his arms tightened around you, hesitating to let go and wishing he could stay in the safety of your embrace forever. And for just a heartbeat, he stared at your lips. He almost gave in, almost kissed you right then and there, but he shoved the thought away at the last second. Why would you ever want to kiss someone like him?

The second time he almost kissed you was at the ice rink in Central Park. It was the holiday season, and this year Bucky realised that he didn’t need to spend it alone anymore. He invited you out, convincing himself it wasn’t a date— just two friends hanging out, doing friend things.  

You were hesitant, admitting you couldn’t skate and that the ice never seemed to agree with you, but he insisted.

"You can hold onto me," he teased, though he left out  telling you how much he wanted you to. Just to feel you close. Just for you to embrace him again.

"Buck!" you squealed when he picked up speed, your hands clutching his jacket tight around your fist in a death grip. "You’re going way too fast!"

He laughed, slowing to a stop in the middle of the rink. The moonlight between trees shrouded the two of you. You stumbled into his chest, your fingers curling into his coat. For a second, you didn’t move. You stayed there, taking in his scent. "What would I do without you?" you murmured into his chest, voice barely above a whisper.

In that moment, he realised that you weren’t just his friend out of pity— You made him feel wanted. Needed.

His hands found your cheeks, his thumb brushing lightly across your skin. He could almost taste how your lips would feel— soft, warm, perfect. His breath hitched, his body taking control. But then, just as quickly, he put his logical mind back in the pilot seat. He pulled away. Why would you want to kiss someone who’d been broken as many times as him?

The third time he thought about kissing you, he could’ve sworn you wanted it, too. You were on one of your usual runs and morning coffee— your ritual together. It happened once or twice a week when he wasn’t whisked away to some strange land for a mission. 

Bucky always slowed his pace to match yours. He didn’t mind since he could spend those extra moments near you. 

After the runs, you’d get coffee together. He talked about everything—his life in the 40s, his family, Steve, his friends from school. 

You gave him pieces of his humanity back with every conversation. With you, he felt more than a soldier— you made him feel more organic. Human.

He felt that, for once, he was more interesting than the winter soldier.

He then talked about wanting a small pet, maybe a dog, or a white cat. 

"What, am I not companion enough?" you had teased.

His ears burned, and the super soldier found himself stammering. "That’s not what I meant."

You laughed as you brushed coffee foam off his facial hair. The briefest touch and his heart started racing out of control.

He could've sworn you leaned in just slightly, almost instinctively. He wanted to kiss you. He needed to. But again, he pushed it down, convincing himself that the two of you were just friends. 

The day after, he found himself lying on the couch, thoughts spiraling. He couldn’t stop thinking about you— your lips, your laugh, your touch. He didn’t know what to make of it. The feelings ate away at his sanity, and they wouldn’t go away. For the first time, he asked himself the question he was too afraid to ask: was this how it felt to be truly, deeply, and desperately in love?

Then came the knock.

He opened the door, and there you were, looking as tired as he felt. Your hair was a mess, your clothes crumpled, and you looked like you haven’t slept since he saw you yesterday, but you were still so goddamn beautiful. You had this infectious wild energy, like you were on the edge of discovering the secret to world peace.

"I’ve been thinking all night," you said, stepping inside the gap he had open. That was how welcome you felt in his space, how comfortable he was with you. "If I’m wrong, this is going to be so embarrassing, but— three times. You almost kissed me three times."

Bucky blinked, caught off-guard.

"That night with the pizza, when I said goodbye," you continued, pacing around the room in deep thought. "The ice rink. And yesterday at the coffee shop." You held up three fingers at his face, your hands trembling slightly. "Three times is too much to be a coincidence. Three times is too much to just accidentally lean in. Please, tell me you’ve thought about it. Tell me you’ve wanted to kiss me because—" You stopped, looking into his beautiful eyes. "Because I’ve thought about it too."

Your voice was shaky. Bucky had never seen you so vulnerable, so uncertain. So hopeful.

"This is so embarrassing," you muttered, your voice now barely a whisper. But before you could say anything else, Bucky closed the distance between you. He grabbed you by the waist and kissed you, his lips capturing yours in a desperate rush. All the hesitations melted away from the tension in his muscles, and it was better than he’d imagined a thousand times. He didn’t know how it was possible, but you tasted even sweeter than he had dreamed. His hands tangled in your hair as you stood on tiptoes, clutching him as if he might slip away.

When you finally pulled back, breathless, you whispered in disbelief, "So I was right."

Bucky smiled, finger running along your skin, in a sensory attempt to remind him the was all real and not just one of his fantasies. "Only took you half a year to notice."

You laughed softly, melting into his touch. "I could say the same for you."

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss you again. "Shush," he whispered between kisses. He was addicted now. He needed his fix. He needed your touch, your warmth, your lips on his. Again, and again, and again.

And that was more than a year ago. Now, Bucky still couldn’t stop kissing you. If anything, it had only gotten worse, not that you were complaining.

He kissed you every chance he got. When you rolled over in bed, still half asleep, he kissed your forehead. When you stretched in the kitchen, reaching for a mug for your afternoon tea, he kissed the back of your neck. When you came home late from work, tired but smiling, he pulled you into his arms and kissed you breathless, as if you were the only thing keeping him grounded.

"Buck," you laughed, stopping his train of thought, playfully trying to squirm away as he pulled you onto his lap. "We’re supposed to be watching a movie."

His lips found the sensitive spot behind your ear. "But I’d rather kiss you."

You were powerless against him, as you always are. Laughing softly, you said, "You know, you kiss me every day. Aren’t you tired of me yet?"

He pulled back just enough to look at you, reminding himself of how lucky he was that he had you here. That if it wasn’t for you storming into his apartment in a frenzy with a theory, you wouldn’t be here in his arms. "Never." His voice was so soft, making your breath hitch.

You were about to say something smart, but Bucky stopped you with another kiss, his lips gentle and loving, yet there was such a fiery passion beneath. You curled into him, his warmth wrapping around you like a blanket. When you finally pulled away, you were both breathless, the movie long forgotten.

He stared at you, thumb brushing the side of your face, as if memorizing every detail. "I’m never gonna stop kissing you," he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours. His voice was a little rough, his throat dry from the taste of you. "I don’t think I could, even if I tried."

And you believed him.

-end

[squishytenya]

choose your own path <3

pairings - readers choice x gn!reader

warnings - forced proximity quirk, crying, quirk accidents, exact warnings on each character post (each character's chapter will be linked at the bottom of this post when they are written)

welcome! I've kind of always wanted to do one of these so here it is! it's kind of soulmate au inspired and each of the choices is based on a popular romance novel trope :) hope you enjoy

I have a few specific characters planned for each imagine but if there is any you would like to see - lmk and I'll write it <3

The dust flew up around your face, sitting thick in your throat and causing you to force out a cough. This was certainly not how this was supposed to go. A simple patrol, one of your first since becoming a pro, it was supposed to be nothing more than dealing with a few muggings. Instead, the shrill cries of a young girl had pierced through the night. You and your partner had shared matching looks and flown down the street as fast as you could towards the noise with your hearts racing.

As it turns out, it was not the girl you would be saving. The screaming changed as you grew closer - morphing from fear to frustration and a hint of anger. Well, as much anger as a tiny five year olds body could muster. She was running frantically around, tripping on the rubble that she had somehow pulled up from the ground with her tantrum. And she seemed to be… tapping people? Not slapping per say but placing her tiny hands on people anywhere she could reach. Every time she placed her small palm on another person's skin, her little shoulders dropped in what you realised was relief. Unfortunately, the people she had tapped in her frenzy seemed to absorb the pain. Within seconds, almost everyone in the crowd around her had been sent to their knees, groaning in agony.

You shared a look with your partner and nodded at them - stepping towards the volatile child. 

“Hey sweetie, it’s okay” you attempted to comfort her apprehensively. 

 “what’s your name?”

There was no indication, to your shock, that anyone else had tried to even converse with the toddler. The way she froze in her movements caused you to step back, until she turned her gaze on you and her brown eyes filled with tears. Her trembling body made your heart ache. Obviously, this was some kind of late quirk manifestation that had taken the poor girl by surprise. Yet, you still couldn’t understand why nobody seemed to want to get near her. 

That was, until you noticed a pale yellow glow emitting from her palms. The young girl seemed to be just as panicked at this as you felt and started to move, as if to shake the glow from her palms. Her futile attempts only caused her breathing to pick up its pace again and she stumbled.

“We can help you” you spoke soft and slow, gesturing to your partner, “you just gotta come here okay? Tell me what's got you so worked up”

The brunette girl sniffled, rubbing her face with her glowing palms. Pain curled in your chest at the sorry sight. Reaching forward, you moved your hand onto her shoulder and gripped it softly. It had been taught to you in training that younger civilians reacted well to physical contact, as it often reminded them of their parents. Not that you had paid much attention in that section of class, but you did remember some useful things. You would have to thank midnight for the tip once this is over. 

Wailing, she curled in on herself and her head rolled back. Tear-filled eyes bore into yours and she started stuttering out apologies, the soft yellow glow growing more intense. The light emitting from her hands seemed to heat up as it intensified and the air around it started wobbling like the sun on a hot day. Squinting, you moved towards her to attempt to stop her touching another person. It didn’t seem to cause too many issues but you needed to keep the public away from the girl’s grasp until you knew the full extent of her quirk. 

“I’m sorry” she screamed, in obvious pain now

“Sorry- I can’t stop it! It hurts! Want it to stop” 

Before you could stop her, she reached towards your arm with her glowing fingertips outstretched. Your partner let out a shocked sound and shot forward towards the two of you. 

It was no use, her tiny hand closed around the exposed skin of your wrist. 

And… nothing. 

Reaching behind you, you waved your frantic partner off. It wasn’t that bad, just a bit of heat. Certainly, the civilians around you were just reacting dramatically to the heat emanating from the little girl's hands. A slight tingle, sure, but nothing more than that. Honestly, you didn’t know what the other people in the area were making such a fuss about. It could probably be explained as a small energy quirk mixed with growing pains. It happened to the best of you. 

You smiled warmly at the young girl again, despite your heart pounding in your chest. Oddly enough, light and that warping heat still remained on the hand that hadn’t touched you. Hmm you thought, maybe the quirk separates in her body? The girl's squirming seemed to confirm your theory - not quite the agonising pain you had witnessed a few seconds earlier, but definitely not comfortable to her. 

Once again, your partner stood beside you and quirked an eyebrow. You shrugged in response. 

“I don’t know what the big deal is, it was a bit warm but that’s pretty much it” you explained. 

“No!” the young girl in your arms protested, “it doesn’t work like that-”

Your partner, shocked by her sudden outburst, moved closer to you. His action seemed to shock the girl huddled in your embrace and she reached towards his chest with her glowing hand. The entirety of her hand pushed against his chest, sending him reeling back at her surprising strength. Your eyebrows almost hit your hairline. That was certainly ammo to tease him with later on in your patrol, you thought to yourself. 

Blinking, you set her on the ground. The warmth emanating from your wrist sharpened, causing you to clench your fist and shake your arm. The attempt to lessen the feeling proved futile. Burning sensations travelled up your arm, engulfing the rest of your body in the curling flame. You grunted as the scorching heat flowed through you like a flow of lava in your veins. Gripping your chest now as the burning seemed to swirl around your heart, you glanced over to your patrol partner and observed he seemed to be fairing the same way you did. 

Desperately, you reached for your radio, dropping the now hysterical girl to the ground as gently as you could. Murmurs picked up in the crowd around you, obviously shocked at the immediate effect of the quirk. The metal of your radio was a cool relief against your feverish skin. 

You gasped when the receiver crackled to life. 

“Help requested” you almost sobbed, “two down in the market square… there’s been a quirk incident - we need help”

Bursts of the flame sensation flickered up to your head at this point. It felt like your whole torso had been set on fire. Sinking to your knees, you grasped your head in your hands and bit back a scream. Your chest heaved under the strain. Frantically, you gestured for the crowd to move away from you and your partner but made no attempt to move closer across to him.

“Ayami!” came a frantic voice from across the clearing. 

“Mommy!”

“Sweetie, what have you done?”

“It was an accident” the little girl was in tears now and you reached to comfort her in earnest. 

Not getting far, you clutched your hand to your chest as the flame feeling engulfed your eyes - spreading bright yellow into your vision. The young girl's cries were still ringing in your head as your eyes closed and you hit the cold ground. 

-

Your head was swimming. There was no way of telling how long you had been out but your body held the same exhaustion as it did when a fever had just broken. The light above you was industrial and way, way too bright for your very tired eyes. 

“They’re awake”

You grunted. 

“Wish I wasn’t”

A familiar snort rang out across the space you were in. 

“At least we can rule out a change in their charming personality.”

“Fuck off Katsuki” 

You raised your middle finger in the general direction of the comment, eliciting a snort once again. You supposed you had to get up and face the world at some point. If you were safely in hospital, it most likely meant that the young girl from the night before had been contained. 

“The girl,” you murmured, “she okay?”

The person next to you (mina, you assumed by the smell of her perfume) kissed their teeth - a less than comforting noise. You groaned again, this would probably require way more paperwork from you than you were prepared to do right now.

“Yeah, she’s fine - the old lady’s got something to tell you though.”

–

“You’re shitting me right?”

Recovery girl cast you a look over the rim of her glasses. Cringing, you began to apologise to the smaller woman but she cut you off. 

“I’m sorry to tell you, but you will have to remain close to him” she explained, “we don’t know when the quirks effect will wear off, none of the civilians are back to normal yet”

You huffed, crossing your arms against your chest. This was just your luck really, exactly what you needed after a week of night shift patrols and shitty takeout dinner. The poor girl in the street had some kind of tethering quirk, none of the civilians hit had been able to separate themselves from each other for longer than five minutes without that burning sensation coming back full force. Each time she touched someone with one other hands, whoever she touched with the other was stuck with them until someone could figure this quirk out. 

They’d been essentially sorted into pairs by the girl’s quirk. Like the game snap! Your brain helpfully supplied. The maximum distance they could go without hurting each other was a mere 8 feet. 

8 feet was not enough space for you. 

You and your partner had only patrolled together twice and now you were stuck within a room's distance of him the whole time. Sure, it was better than whatever that feeling was - but you were less than happy about it. 

Knock knock. 

Speak of the devil and he appears. You knew he was due to come in because the warm, mildly painful, tingle had started up again on the same wrist. Brilliant, this is my life now. 

You looked up and made eye contact with your partner… 

bakugou part one // part two

[datsleepygirl]

when things get hard, will you still be by my side? Law x Reader Comfort

- most people know this, but if you're new here, law is my comfort character, so I had him in mind when writing this.

before you proceed, please know that :

I've been in a difficult position in life for the past few months, so please don't expect any greatness from me. I'm not really in a position where I can sprinkle some fluff here and there like I was able to in the past, but I tried my best to make the end as fluffy as possible. this is just a simple piece of scrabble with myself as 'inspiration'. I needed a way to express how I felt for the past few months, so I decided to turn it into a piece as I realised that I haven't been posting much lately. hopefully someone can get some enjoyment out of this. :))

status : not proofread

- tw. mentions of depression, self struggles, reader in denial of anyone loving her, self hatred, bunch of comfort, fluff in the end if you squint. law and reader aren't together yet, but they have been playing cat and mouse for a while.

It's like every time I step through these doors, they all look at me with pity in their eyes, like they're looking at a poor stray cat on the street that no one wants.

Aside from all those times, it's also like they're judging me for slacking off and moping around in my room. The captain's probably thinking of ways to get rid of me without telling me that I'm useless. That's how he is. He starts off as this cold and unapproachable person, but once you've entered his life, he'll always find a way to take care of you. The once frequent knocks on my door proves that right. He'd come and check on me, asking if I had eaten anything or have I been feeling ill, but his concerns were always answered with a smile of mine and reassuring him that I'm fine. With that going on for a while, he probably figured out that I was lying to his face, or maybe him simply don't have the energy to pretend that he cares about me anymore. That's how everyone on this submarine behaved lately.

I looked around my room, all dark and gloomy. Yesterday, I found the energy to clean it up a little as it was starting to get out of hand. If there's one thing that gets on Law's nerve the most, it's clean and dirty laundry mixed up on the floor. Even at my lowest, my mind always drift to him. Because even if I knew from the beginning that he won't return my feelings, my feelings for him are just growing stronger and stronger every second. With the state that I'm in now, there's no way that I would be able to be around his presence, let alone look him in the eye and start a conversation with him. Maybe that's why I did everything in my power to avoid leaving my room. The fear of rejection, even after years of being an outcast, still makes me feel like I'm about to suffocate. It's almost like as long as I don't leave this room, as long as I don't see Law, I can keep staying here, even if none of my crewmates like me anymore.

When I look out the window, I can see the moon, a gift for all minks, hanging high up the sky. My thoughts naturally drifted to Bepo, the absolute sweetheart of this crew. And when I think about it, I can't help but feel bad about myself even more. How did I manage to get the sweetest creature in this world to hate me as well?

'Damn y/n... just how pathetic can you be...'

Voices in my head echoed louder and louder every passing day. Voices that tell me I'm useless and unwanted here. Voices that tell me there'll never be a place for me where I can call a home. Voices that tell me I'll never be loved, that I don't deserve to be loved.

When Law came to check up on me in the past, that split second of seeing him and hearing his voice made the voices go away. But when he leaves, the voices come back instantly. I've told myself that relying on other people is a bad decision, simply because I'll always be left alone in the end. But somehow, trying to separate myself from Law is completely different from what I had ever experienced. My heart screams for me to just call out to him for help, but my brain knows that everything will just turn out the same eventually. I'll just be more of a burden to Law than I already am.

.

"y/n-ya, are you in there?"

A knock and the soft but deep voice that I had fallen in love with startled me.

Why is he here? Why is he here at night? Why is he here when he should be in his study at this hour? A million questions ran through my mind as I could only come up with one conclusion.

He wants me off his submarine.

The voice on the other side of the door called out to me again as I finally stood up, slowly making my way over to the door. A sigh of relief escaped from him as he saw me open my door. However, at this state of mine, I misunderstood it as a sigh of annoyance. He's annoyed that it took me so long to open the door.

"I wanna talk to you. Can I come in?" he wasted no time, cutting straight to the point. I nodded, moving aside as he made his way into my room. I closed the door behind me while he looked around my room, clearly surprised that it has become a lot cleaner than before. "I see you put your laundry away and cleaned up a little." Law started, sitting on my bed while taking off his hat.

Thousands of thoughts in my head are giving me a headache. I wanted to make him believe that I'm doing okay. But before I realised, my words rang around the whole room.

"Yeah... can never be too sure about when I'd have to leave now, can I? It's best to have everything organised so it'd be easier to find what I need to take with me."

Well, that certainly struck a nerve. Law eyebrows creased at my words, only confusion can be found on his face.

"Leaving? y/n-ya, what are you talking about? Who said you're leaving?" the walls around my heart are closing up on it again, preventing me from having a calm and productive conversation with him. Maybe if I were able to believe that someone would actually love me for me, I'd have the courage to seek help from him.

"Well... that's what you all wanted, right? I'm just someone that brings nothing to the table. The others are tired of me, and you're disappointed at me. That's why you came here, right?" I couldn't even look him in the eye as I was afraid that all I'll see in his eyes is disgust.

"What the hell? Wha- who told you that? I came here to talk to you about the list of things we need to buy on the next island, which is about two days away. You also weren't there during dinner, so I wanted to come check on you to see if you're feeling unwell. Actually, that's not the point. How long have you been feeling this way? Why didn't you come to me?" Law stood up and slowly made his way towards me, switching into doctor and caring captain mode.

I sighed, looking at anywhere but him. "It's fine, you don't have to pretend that you care. All my life, I've been abandoned and left behind. I can tell when someone's kindness is coming from pity or not. You don't need to look for an excuse to get rid of me, nor do you need to sugarcoat anything, I get it. I never thought I'd have a place where I can call a home anyways..."

Law put his hands on my shoulders as if he's trying to get me to look at him. "y/n-ya, stop. What are you talking about? This is your home, why wouldn't it be? We're not going to abandon you. I'm not going to abandon you. No one is pitying you. In fact, we've all been worried about you, for weeks. You could've at least come to me. Do you not trust me enough?" his question at the end made my heart clench. The one person that I wanted to impress and protect the most, is disappointed at me. At this point, my eyes were stinging from tears threatening to escape. He wanted to convince me that he cares about me, that everyone does. But how can I trust him? My heart does, but all the trauma from the past is preventing me from thinking logically, preventing me from letting him in. Ironic that I can't trust when the person who stole my heart said that he cares about me is the truth. In any dream, I'd die to hear those words. So why can't I find it in me to believe him?

"You know as well as I do that no one will ever truly love me. Just look at this pathetic mess in front of you. Why would someone love... this? Why would you love this?" his grip on my shoulders tightened, but he didn't say anything. Seeing as he wanted me to continue, I did. "At this point, it'd be better if I leave on my own and spare you some trouble. It's be one less mouth for you to feed anyways." I let out a sour chuckle at the end, laughing at how pathetic I sound. One of his hands reached under my chin and lifted my face up, forcing me to look at him. The look in his eyes held no hint of disgust. Instead, all that can be found was rage and hurt.

"Is this seriously what you think of me? You think that I was looking at you as just 'a mouth to feed'? You really see me as someone who'd lie to your face and say that I care about you? You out of all people should know that I despise shit like that. What can I do to make you believe that you deserve to be loved? What can I do to make you believe that you're loved?" the desperation in Law's voice almost made me believe that he's telling the truth. I escaped from his gaze once again, looking down. His eyes softened as he continued,

"What can I do to make you believe that I love you...? Please, tell me."

My eyes widened at his words. The genuineness in his voice created a huge crack on the thick walls around my heart. This is the first time I've ever heard Law beg for something.

Just a little more, and my walls will break down.

"...do you really?" I found the courage to look him in the eyes with my teary ones. Law pulled me into a tight embrace, one arm around my waist while the other one gently caressed my hair. That vulnerable look and weak voice of mine broke his heart into pieces. He tightened his hold on me as he whispered in my ear,

"I do, I truly love you. Those months of playing cat and mouse with you is just me not having the guts to tell you how I really feel. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see the light in your eyes fade away day by day. You distancing yourself from us and not showing up as frequently as before broke my heart. I wanted to give you some space because I thought that eventually, you'd trust me enough to come to me and tell me about your struggles. I want to be there for you. You're not alone in this y/n-ya, you never were. Let me be there for you, let me in, please."

I returned the hug as I relaxed in his embrace, finally accepting that the man in front of me, who I love so much, is being genuine. I sobbed as he continued to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, reassuring me that he's not going anywhere.

"You're staying in my room from now on. And if anything bothers you, you'll tell me about it immediately, okay?" Law pulled away slightly in order for him to look me in the eyes, signalling that he's serious about this. I nodded, unable to find the energy to muster up a response. With that, Law brought me back into his warm embrace, but not before pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead.

And if the past creeps up on me again, I will have no fear this time. With the sound of your heartbeat, this unique and special lullaby just for me, will protect me from all the voices in my head.

.

[freeuselandonorris]

landoscar vore kink?!?!?!!!!!!?? god oscar could make him fall apart just by talking about the idea huh, telling him how he’s just so tiny, but it’s okay cause oscar will keep him safe and warm and protected in there ugh lando would cry

sorry your asterisk on the foot kink director’s notes smacked me in the face and now i can’t stop thinking about it i love your brain sm

well, anon, the great tradition of landoscar inspiring me to write kinks i previously had only a passing interest in continues.

context: i mentioned in this post that i think lando is the perfect combination of chronically online, obsesed with being tiny and stimulation-seeking to have a vore kink.

cw for non-violent descriptions of vore fantasy, macrophilia, crying, incredibly mushy romantic goop.

“I’ve been doing some research,” Oscar says, and sits down in Lando’s big, comfortable desk chair. “About your thing that you like.”

He pats his thighs, and Lando levels him with a deeply suspicious look before he sits down, primly, perched on Oscar’s knees like he’s readying himself to jump right back up again.

“You think it’s weird,” Lando says accusingly to the darkened computer screen in front of him, not to Oscar.

Oscar tugs him back, sinking into the soft leather cushioning. “Lando Norris in ‘into weird shit’ shocker.”

Lando makes a sulky sound but finally deigns to lean back against him. Oscar spreads his legs a bit so Lando’s settled between them, Oscar’s thighs either side of his, arms snaking around his waist. He leans in to mouth at the back of Lando’s neck briefly before he speaks again, gratified by the little shiver that ripples down Lando’s spine.

“You wanna tell me about it?” he murmurs against the spit-slick skin. “How you’d want me to do it?”

He hears Lando’s breath hitch, feels him stiffen as he tries to work out whether Oscar’s taking the piss or not. Oscar keeps his breathing slow and deliberate, his body heavy. 

Lando swallows audibly. “I’d – not, like, being ripped apart. Just. Taken in.”

Oscar hums, rubs Lando’s obliques. He’d thought Lando was just watching regular old hentai when he’d walked in on him with his hand down his pants a couple of weeks ago – on his laptop, not even on his phone like a normal person. Oscar had just about had enough time to realise that the girl on-screen was swallowing a tiny, wriggling man, her belly distending, before Lando had noticed him and shrieked and slapped his laptop shut.

“Huh,” had been the only thing Oscar could think to say, eyes caught in a loop between Lando’s bright red face, the closed laptop and his tented jeans.

Now, Oscar spiders his fingers across Lando’s waistband and down, cupping him through his sweatpants. He’s already half-hard, tips his head back to Oscar’s shoulder with a shuddery exhale. 

He leans in so his mouth is right next to Lando’s ear. Normally he’s shit at dirty talk, but this is so out of the realms of what he’d consider sexy chat that it’s somehow fine. It’s storytelling. 

“It’d be pretty easy to get you down in one go without chewing,” he says, letting his voice drop to a rumble. Lando’s breath catches again. “You’re so small, you’d slip right down.”

“Fuck,” Lando mumbles. His hips jerk, cock fattening under Oscar’s hand. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Oscar says, rubbing in slow circles. “And you know I’ve been working out loads this year. Need to keep my protein levels high, ‘cause I’m growing.” 

Lando makes a bitten-off sound. “You’re really big now, compared to me,” he mumbles. 

“That’s right,” Oscar says, soothingly. “I’m getting bigger every day. It’d be easy for me to pick you up, wouldn’t it? Swallow you down. Would you want me to start with your head or your feet?”

He squeezes his thighs around Lando’s, pressing in on him. He can just about see over Lando’s head to where he’s got his fingers curled into the meat of his own thighs, knuckles white.

Lando whines and presses his back into Oscar’s chest. “My feet,” he says, hoarse.

“Right,” Oscar agrees. “Start at the feet, so you feel it all. I mean, you’re tiny, but my throat would still squeeze you so tight, right? You’d slide down so slowly, probably barely be able to breathe.”

He lifts his other arm, wrapping it around Lando’s chest, holding him in place. Lando jolts, nearly smashing Oscar’s nose with the back of his head. He’s breathing fast and shallow, high up in his chest like the very few times Oscar’s seen him having an anxiety attack. For a moment, he worries he’s somehow gone too far.

“You good?” he says, very quiet. Presses a kiss to the soft and vulnerable skin behind Lando’s ear.

“Keep going,” Lando grits out. His voice has gone strange, high and choked.

“Okay,” Oscar says, squeezing Lando closer to him, grinding the heel of his palm against the tip of Lando’s dick through his pants. “So just as you think it’s too much, and you’re gonna suffocate in my throat–” Lando moans and Oscar closes his eyes, has to take a breath, because this might not be his thing but the way Lando’s reacting is doing it for him “–finally you’d manage to free yourself, end up in my stomach.” 

“Yeah,” Lando says. He’s trembling. Oscar racks his brains, trying to remember what he’d read about online.

“Yeah,” he says. “You could just – curl up in there, my stomach would be all stretched out around you. Dark and warm, and you’d just be – I’d keep you in there, safe and, and mine, nobody else could get to you.”

Lando makes a choked noise, like Oscar’s just punched him. Oscar’s sweating now, Lando’s body plastered against his. He’s weirdly light-headed, cock half-hard and pressing against the cleft of Lando’s arse. It’s not just a story anymore. To keep Lando inside him, nestled in the achy space just behind his ribcage that Lando seems to inhabit anyway – he wants it, suddenly and desperately.

“You’d be a part of me,” he gets out past his suddenly constricting throat, licks the sweat from the curve of Lando’s neck. 

Lando says his name, a broken rise-and-fall intonation, and wetness floods across Oscar’s hand.

Oscar holds him through it, blinking away the dizziness. His mouth is dry. Lando’s shoulders are shaking rhythmically; when he turns his head, Oscar realises with a jolt of worry that his cheeks are wet, tears streaking the tanned skin, disappearing into the light thatch of his beard.

“Oh God,” Oscar says involuntarily. “Are you alright?”

Lando makes a noise that could be a laugh or a sob. He sniffles, brings one big hand up to scrub at his eyes. “M’fine. It was. That was – thanks.”

Oscar brings a thumb up, brushes the wet from Lando’s matted eyelashes. “You’re fine,” he says, gentle. Lando takes a shuddering breath. “Hey, reckon we’d finally beat Max if I assimilated your racing skill into mine?”

It’s a stupid comment, but it has the desired effect; Lando gives a hiccupy laugh, relaxing against him. “Maybe,” he says. “Not sure we’d pass the FIA weight restrictions.”

Oscar hums. “I’ll ask Zak next time we’re at MTC.” 

Lando turns in his arms, pulling a face that could be in response to Zak or the rapidly cooling mess in his pants.

“I would, you know,” Oscar says quickly, before their lips meet. “If I could. If you wanted.”

Lando smiles, eyes red and hazy, the tender skin beneath still wet with tears. Despite it all, he looks happier than Oscar’s seen him in months. “I know.” 

[fioooweeooweeeoo]

Fiowee Presents...

Extraordinary You

Tags: Firstly I'd like to thank @teyamsatan for helping and inspiring me to make this fic!! Such a sweet gal and of course I'd tag her for this first chapter IN WHICH i have been cooking up for quite some time (months actually AHAHAH) EVRYONE WHO'S BEEN ANTICIPATING THIS FIRST CHAPTER PLS GO CHECK OUT HERS TOO!! LOTS OF GREAT FICS AND ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC WRITING ~~

Other Tags!!: @glimmering-darling-dolly

A/N: okay first part was rlly dedicated to my bestie who inspired me to do this. ( btw for dates it goes *mm/dd/yy*,  hope yall don't mind I put a specific birth date for Y/N ^^ 7 is actually her bday) Other than thatt what i really want to say here is that to everyone whose been waiting patiently for this, I present to you the first chapter of EXTRAORDINARY YOU! With all that is said this is my first ever fic so if this isn't ur cup of tea you don't have to read it!! anyways lemme stop me rambles pls enjoy my first chapter xoxo mwuah ^-^

Warnings: Not much here except for some guns and a little bit of violence??? its not to big tho HELP soo its rlly just the introoo n stuff

Word count is: 5.6k WHEWW it took me weeks rlly

Chapter 2 - Till i met you

--------------------------------------   ♡   -----------------------------------

(3rd person POV *YOU'RE SAYING THIS !* ) 

Hey! Probably an interesting way of starting this story here, something like breaking the fourth wall? I don't know- forget about my rambles but, My name is Y/N Chacon, and I live in Pandora.

Yep- that's right- it's not every day you realise that you became apart of a world wide astronomical party to fly out to this foreign planet to make it liveable for every possible human being, well- that's basically how my parents got here, I was just born here. Now you're probably wondering why lil' ol' me right there- the one that's basically struggling to get a hold of a vine 10,000 feet above a floating mountain has come to this-? Let's rewind a bit-

1 year and a half ago.

4.6.2175

Wind whistling. Sounds of foreign animals around you. And the smell of an earthy and forest musk emanates as you breathe in. Your eyes peel to take in to the surroundings around you-.. Pandora. Is what you first think, the forest is beautiful, you stare up to the trees as they seem longer and you feel as you've gone tinier. You breathe out as if a sigh of relief has washed over you, but then you hear it- the sound of stick cracking.

Your body instinctively rises up, you heart rate slowly escalating each unfamiliar sound your now hearing, a low growl is heard from your left, you turn to look and see a pair of two yellow beaded eyes, curious you crawl to it, your genuine curiosity gotten the best out of you when the beast pounces at you and-

You wake up. What?.. you've realised your breathing was not matched and you're hyperventilating. You sweat as if you're hot but you feel cold. Your hand slides through your hair and you breathe in slowly and out deeply. Suddenly your room door opens.

"Hey there kiddo.. you alright there?" Max enters your room and knew that you are hyperventilating due to your watch on your wrist still checking for your heart rate.

"Yeah yeah.. no, I'm fine.. I'm... I'm good-" 

"Hey hey- you sure about that? It's already around the start of morning, why don't you come eat breakfast with me, Norm and Lara?

"I- sure, yeah that sounds nice" you smile faintly, feeling a little calmer now that you've steadied your heart rate. You've come to realised it was normal for you to have these dreams, somehow you've always tried to decipher what could be the cause of it, you're unsure why, all you know is that you want to know, there's something about it- like it magnetises you. 

"Max?" you call out to him, as he turns around with a questionable face

"Do you think- maybe I can- come with you guys to the outpost later? I just got some stuff left there-" 

"Sure, kiddo. Me and your Aunt Lara will fix some stuff there too-" He smiles to you as he leaves shutting your door 

You began to stand up and went to your bathroom checking on the mirror, brushing your hair and doing your normal skincare, as you do so, you look at yourself, staring blankly at the mirror. You sighed deeply both in and out, closing your eyes and re-imagining the dream in your head- but nothing comes up. You sigh in defeat trying so hard to remember- but you tell yourself that you'd worry about it in another time, you smile at the mirror and went on out

As your camera starts rolling you place it gently on the counter angling it right to your face creating a somewhat good angle showing your face, and as you're done prepping you go face-to-face with the camer.

"Hello-? Is this working-" *taps camera lens* "oh- oops- there it is" you giggle to yourself for your clumsiness, you bring the camera up to your face to video yourself then

"Hellooo wooorld! I am back! Well technically I'm in another planet and other stuff like that- but here i am! Back again, to show you- this! Voilà!" 

You enter a room wherein both Norm and Max were checking files in large screens tapping away like they usually do to get things running in the lab incase they were needed by Jake and to produce other experiments for more of their researches. Thanks to Jake, most of the humans were allowed to stay and go about their ways unless they were needed by Jake, most of these being researchers and old scientist friends. As you were walking by you panned your camera to a tank, with a familiar avatar that was placed inside with water flowing inside it, keeping it normal, that being Grace's Avatar, it was no secret you've always longed for something like it, being able to walk freely without the need of a darn mask, and the ability to be outside without being prey to most animals around pandora, it was a struggle for you to be in a human body, never being able to go out as you want to, but you go out on rare occasions, because both of them obviously knows how it gets boring and makes you wanna go insane without having to go outside for long periods.

Norm looks up from his desk as he scribbling down notes, he pushes down his glasses as he was seeing you walk around the room eith a camera in hand recording the whole room

he chuckles and sighs contently

"No- 'Goodmorning, Norm!' today then?" He chuckles as you roll your eyes scoffing a little

"Goodmorningg, Normm!" you say in a teasing tone. 

"And Max-!" Max pops out from behind the other monitor with one hand raised, you laugh a little as Norm nudges you at your side when you pass by, camera still recording 

"And goodmorning to you Grace-" you pan the camera lens to yourself while behind you is Grace's Avatar in the tank floating, as you wave to the camera

"And so here we are- pamparampaam! The Lab! We got some old researches, scribbled notes that either Norm or Max have wrote and I have zero idea of what's in it- 

(Max:) "that's my lunch order from the cafeteria Y/N-" 

"Yeah- okay. Well- that does not look like lunch to me-" you deadpan as Norm chuckles but Max gives him a stern look

"Hey- Boys do you mind if you find the files for- Oh! Y/N- Didn't know you'd come here! Is this your first time in the lab-?" Lara says while fixing her goggles

Lara was sort of like your Aunt in a way that you guys aren't related as much, but most of the time she was like a parental figure to you- She grew fond of you ever since you had been born, she was a good friend to your mother and Grace, and was left devasted to the events of what led to their endings, and so with that, Lara had made a promise to both you and herself that she'd be able to protect you from whatever happens, no matter what. 

"Hey! Aunt Lara- come 'ere for a sec-" *you tug Lara's lab coat as she gets surprised as you bring her near you to bring the camera to her face showing her a little fluffy and curly brown hair, her goggles hanging off her neck and her half-done makeup that's looked slightly rushed but it looked good for the most part- her olive green eyes look at the camera and she shrieks a little covering her face with one hand* 

"Say hi to the cameraa!" *you squeal- as you giggle little form her hiding her face with her one hand* 

(Lara:) "oh-! Hi~ sorry- honey- my makeups a little off right now-" *you blow raspberries and scoff a little*

"Oh come on- you look gorgeous right now! Even if you got off the wrong side of bed- i bet one of the other guys eye you everyday- especially Norm-." you whisper and snicker a little together with Lara as she scrunches her nose and giggles with you

(Norm:) "I heard that-!" he answers, as you both giggle even more 

As you use both your hands to hold the camera properly, your watch beeps, you look at it with a small smile-

"Welp- gotta go guys- I will be filming again later- but this gal- gotta take her meds-! Mwuah-! Peace out-!" 

as you place your camera down, you sigh a little, a small smile creeping up as you look back to Lara who was already looking at you with a warm smile

(Lara:) "How's it been sweetie?" 

"Nothing much, just another day- stuck in a huge facility full of scientists and labs, and paperwork and all that jazz, ventilated with the only possible air for me because one step out there and I'm-" *you cut your sentence blowing raspberries, imitating that if you take one step put to pandora without the oxygen mask, then you'd die, pretty much* 

(Lara:) "I know you're tryna' convince me to let you go out- but you know the rules-" *you roll your eyes at her statement* 

"Spider gets to go out! Why can't I-?" 

(Lara:) "Then ask him to stay with you when you go out." 

"But you know how he gets everytime I see him- He always has that smug-ass shit-eating smile that always gets on my nerves-! And you obviously know what he says to me all the time" 

(Lara:) "Language!" *you raise both your hands up in defense then slowly put them in an upright position, as you place your head in between ypur palms, sighing* 

(Lara:) *She sighs feeling a little defenseless from what you said*

"... your turning 18 tomorrow right?-" 

*you nod, eyes snapping to her still in the same position wondering what she'll say next-* 

"Alright...- now I'm not saying I'm letting you go by yourself-" *eyes lighting up in excitement, your head snaps up like a dog getting alerted by an intruder, a smile slowly creeping up your face as she says this* 

"Ah-! Wait- you can go- but I'm going to call spider for this occasion specifically- he's got some friends out there that would also be with you too- so you don't wander off to some other place, okay? Can I trust you?" *You nod to her words quickly in joy, like a happy child who was allowed to go play outside* 

"Yes! Yes-! Don't worry- I'll be with them the whole entire time, just please let me go out this once! I'LL GIVE YOU MY BLOOD-" *you plead and shove your hand infornt of her face as if you would give her your blood* 

"Alright! Alright- jeez you're like your mother- you can go, I'm calling spider in today so that both of you are prepared tomorrow morning-" *you squeal in excitement- jumping a little until you grab Lara in a big hug, she chuckles as she pats you in the head* 

*you finally calmed down and patted yourself in a fancy way, you stood infront of her and breathed jn and out deeply* 

"Thank you, Aunt Lara, I will be going to my room and wait until that day comes." *you bowed as she laughs at your antics, amused by your response, leaving the lab as you make your way to the door, and as the door closes, you squeal and scream in happiness, she snorts a little from the scene*

Norm scoots his spinning chair facing opposite to Lara, as she gets nudged at the shoulder by him gaining her attention, he smiles softly and cocks his head to the side

"Somehow she reminds me of her.." she says under her breathe, Norm huffs agreeing with her*

*you walk around skipping in joy as you went around a part of lab where you usually take your medicine, as you take out a red pill, and a cup of water as you drink and swallow the pill and as you were drinking the water, a monstrous like figure pops up infront of you, making your eyes go wide as rhe monstrous figure roars in a somewhat human like voice that you felt like you could guess it was either and only one other person, but your anxiety instincts got the best of you so you spit out the water to their face and immediately grabbed one of the labs tray pans that you see right beside you immediately scream* 

"AHHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME- AHHH-" *You scream as the person then starts running away from you but you keep hitting them with he pan as they start screaming as well pleading for you to stop* 

"Y/N- AHH- WAIT- STOP STOP STOP- WAIT- ITS ME- SPIDER! WAHHH-" 

"SPIDER? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER- STOP POSSESSING NY BROTHER WHATEVER DEMON YOU ARE-"

*you continue to scream as two pairs of arms hold both of your hands up making you drop the pan, as you stop screaming, spider removes the mask and you sigh in relief* 

"WHAT THE F- DUDE WHY WOULD Y-" 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!-" *A crowd emerges from behind spider and surprise you* 

As  soon as you realize who these people were your shock turned into a surprised smile 

Loak, Kiri, and Tuk come up behind spider and surprised you 

"Wh- what're you guys-" 

*Kiri immediately passed you a carefully wrapped object with banana leaves and hands you it, your confused but relieved at the same time* 

"But it's not even my-" 

"It's your gift-! We all have some gifts for you but I wanna give you mine before you see whatever Loak has for you-" 

"What??!!" *loak shouts and you all laugh* 

"Excuse you, but I for one have a very special and well crafted gift for her- y'know- cause we're close like 'that'" *Loak nudges you and wiggles his eyebrows* 

*you rolled your eyes and scoff*

"If choking is called 'being close' would you consider it?"

"Which way?" *loak interjects with a cocky smile and wiggly eyebrows*

"GROSS-" *You yell out as loak chuckles* 

"Nice one, dude" *Spider praises Loak as they both high five. Your eyes widen and you scoff, while kiri rolls her eyes, tuk left to wonder what they meant* 

"So y/n... i was thinking-"  "THERES GOING TO BE A HUGE HUGE CELEBRATION TODAY AND WE WANT YOU TO COME WITH US!!" *kiri excitedly finishes as loaks jaw was left hanging a little*

"Today-?.." *you say slowly as kiri speaks again "YEAH! there's gonna be food, dancing-" "and a hell of a lot of drinking" *loak says with his elbow placed on top of your head*

*as everyone talks about the celebration, you on the other hand is worried about what you were gonna say* 

"Guys- i really really- and i seriously wanna stress this- i cant go-" 

"Aww what-" *spider says*

"But what about us-?" *loak says after*

"Y/N." *kiri holds your hand between her large ones and has her cute pleading eyes on, the ones you've never said no to* 

"Kiri- please, you know i cant do it- not today though-"

*Kiri's eyes light up* "What do you mean, Y/N?" *you sigh as you gave a bige wide smile* "LARA GAVE ME THE GO!" *Everyone gasps as they also cheer* "Y/N!? Your serious about this!?" *spider says with pure astonishment* 

"Well- I had to convince Lara a teeny tiny bit AND IT WORKED IN THE END! I got permission to go!"

*everyone's cheers together* 

"So if your allowed tomorrow why not today-?" *Loak asks*

"It's not my birthday yet so we'll have to wait-" *you say in return*

"Okay but since your birthday is tomorrow and it is technically midnight-" *kiri says his name warning him*

"It's technically okay to go out right now-" *Loak gets gutted by Kiris elbow*

"What?? I am right- am I not??" *loak says with furrowed eyebrows*

"Loak! If she can't go it's okay! There's always tomorrow anyway!" 

"Cmon kiri it's just one night, plus I have an idea-" "please don't tell me your sneaking out-" 

"Pfft! What!? No-......" *silence overtook the air as they were waiting for him to speak again* 

"Okay maybe that's what i was thinking-" *kiri and spider groan*

"I appreciate the lovely and probably not so well-thought idea-" *Loak cocks his head to both Kiri and Spider*

"But- I can't do this- I mean, not until I turn 18 which is tomorrow and-" 

"Tanhi- cmon- we'll be sure to be with you at all times, every second, minute, hour-! Trust me, tanhi, we don't want you to miss this one too!" 

*loak places his hand on top of yours on the table as he gives you pleading eyes as well, you contemplate a little as you look from his hand back to his eyes* 

"Loak- what if we get in trouble-" *spider says worriedly*

"Sometimes your kind of a buzz kill, spider" *you gave him a stern look as he says this and he rolls his eyes* 

"Look- we'll get you back here as soon as possible, I promise"

"I hate to say this but Loaks right- we'll get you back real soon-" *kiri says back*

*you look between both of them- wondering what to do, then letting your eyes fall to spider with his arms crossed who's looking back to you*

"Don't look at me- I've been living my life by my own choices- it's time you make yours Y/N-" *He says with a soft smile, loak on the other hand squeezes your hand softly and he tilts his head giving you a reassuring look* 

you sigh looking at all of them, as tuk runs to you and hugs you at your waist, despite your height, you and tuk seemed to be the same height

"Please please please Y/N!"

*she says with cute puppy dog eyes*

"Well...." *your cut your sentence short*

"Alright- I guess- but you promise to keep quiet doing it-?.." *they all nod with smiles on their faces*

"Okay.. let's do this-" *you say firmly with a smile* 

‐-------------------------------

"Y/N- do you really have to take this long-" *Loak says with a groan, as he knocks on your door*

"Do you want me to die because I missed my meds while outside when im not supposed to?" *You say as loak turns and grumbles to himself, leaning against the side of the door with a small pout*

"That's what I thought- alrighty! All done-" *you unlock your door as everyone moves to see you, your wearing a small pale brownish off-shoulder top showing off your stomach a little together with shorts that are brown making you look more curvier and thicker with the clothes on, and your last piece being your sneakers that are white and little half-round sling-bag, holding all your meds and extras incase you need it, and of course your watch, checking your hearbeat and your alarm for those meds of yours, as you open the door holding on the knob, you gauge on their reactions with a small shy smile, as they stare at you with awe for sometime, loak and spider jaws dropped wide open, kiris and tuks with a big smile on hers* 

"So... what do you guys think?" *you say with a shy smile on your face*

"AHH! YOU LOOK SO CUTE!" *Kiri squeals out*

"Damn-" *loak scoffs in surprise*

"Wow -" *spider says*

"Out of my way boys!" *tuk pushes loak and spider out of her way*

"We got this-" *as tuk grabs your arm and yanks you out of your room placing you in your chair as kiri stretches her arms and cracks her knuckles, carefully braiding your hair with beads and flowers for tonight*

*as minutes passed, tuk and kiri finally complete your hair, two braids hanging,  from the front left and right sides of your forehead with two beads from each side, pink and blue beads in the left and green and  purple at right , flowy hair hanging from the sides too, and from the back, two braids connecting to the middle to make one decorated with flowers from Kiri, all vibrant with beauty, your long flowy hair splayed behind you from the bottom of the braids behind*

"Okay all done!" *tuk announces while patting her hands together*

"You face to your mirror turning around checking yourself out, with jaw down and eyes somewhat close to crying* 

"This is so beautiful.. I can't thank you guys enough-!" *you say in joy as you hug them*

*You made your way to the exit hatch where no one would be able to see you*

"You ready to explore the unknown?" *spider says side by side with you* 

"Nope," *you pause looking from him to the door* "let's do it" *you say heading out with everyone as you step out to the cool summer ish breeze*

--------------------------------

"Loak..." "I know where I'm going jeez-" "its been 30 minutes we could've been there before 20-" "just let me do my thing!" "Alright!" 

*as both kiri and spider argue with loak* 

*as you walk around with awe, turning around in every step of the way to look back at the scenery, it's dark out yet the plants and nature around you seem to live on it's own, a bright aura shining from each step you take, as soon as you step backwards you stumble one a root and find yourself yelping from falling backwards until someone catches you and you look up to see who it is* 

"Woah- slow down princess, wouldn't want getting a scratch on ya-" *loak says with a teasing grin getting you up, you roll your eyes*

"I can walk just fine y'kno- woah!" *as soon as your sentence cuts off, loak carries you placing your legs letting you sit on his broad shoulders placing your calves on his chest, you hold on to his head for support a little surprised by his actions, loak laughs at your antics* 

"Not funny." *you grumbled as you nag him to put you down*

"You're very slow y'know- even spiders much faster than you-" *you smack the side of his head and he hisses*

"Watch it-" 

*suddenly the crack of a stick disturbs the quietness of the forest around all of you, loak and kiri look at each their in slight confusion, and loak sets you down slowly to avoid any threat that may come to him while holding you with him.* 

*loak follows the hush whispers that were somewhere ahead of them as kiri tries to urge loak to stay behind, he ignores her protests and sneakily hides behind a large bush when he sees something that could get them all screwed. Recoms. RDA Recoms. Holding guns and sashes of bullets wrapped around them in military uniform. You've been told stories of the the war that happened 6 or so years ago, when your uncle Norm had told told that spider won't be at the lab because he was with jake sully and their family, you were disheartened to hear about what had happened but you were thankful spider had returned home safely, you nearly crushed him when you ran up to him and hugged him so tightly it felt like you almost choked him, but he was alright. So was Loak, Kiri, Tuk, and Neteyam, they had visited the lab back from the war to thank Norm and Max for their help, but neteyam wasn't there, ofcourse he had fought in the war fearlessly, and brought great honor to his family and people as they returned home safely, so he had to make sure everyone else was safe to meaning he had thought of his people first before humans, they had sought refuge to the Metkayina Clan, what had felt like the longest battle in years, only now would it find its way to start again. Somehow it felt like you knew everything that happened, like you were there somehow, it felt crystal clear to you of when it happened as if you had been there, but your uncle had told you it might be you just imagining things. Which leads you up to this moment, the Recoms, the RDA, Quaritch.*

"Look at that... that's your dad's actual suit..-" *loak says to spider as they sneak to the bushes too*

"What the..." *spider scrunches his eyebrows*

"Loak you're gonna be in trouble.."

"Shh-" "for life-" "Shut up-" *their voices are quite unbearably loud worrying you slightly, as you look over the bushes, you see tall avatars searching around taking to one another, like a meeting.. whatever it was- your stomach makes you feel things because of your anxiety, worriedly thinking why the hell they're back. You whisper to loak*

"Loak we need to get out of here-" 

"I got this- I've spotted before-" 

*he presses his throat com button to reach to jake* 

"Dad.." "where have you been, loak, what have I told you earlier-" 

"I've spotted some recoms... avatars.. they look like avatars..."

"What-.. where are you right now..?" 

"Uhm.. we're- we're at the old shack-"

"The old shack-? Shit- who- who are you with right now..." 

"I'm with-" *He looks around all of you, and gulps slightly*

"Im with kiri-, spider... Y/n.. and... and tuk.." 

"Tuk is with you!?.." 

"Yes..-"

"Alright... Alright- stay where you are and don't go anywhere else- we're coming- alright stay put, got it?"

*silence comes from loak as he doenst know what else to do*

"Loak I need an answer."

"Yes sir.." 

"Loak.. what's going on-" *you ask him worriedly*

"We're getting out of here- let's move-" 

"What- loak- but dad said-" 

"We need to head somewhere safer before they find us first-"

"I swear, if they find us your in so much trouble-" *kiri stresses to loak as they travel around the various bushes and leaves infront of them* 

"Guys we have to hurry what if they find- AHH-!" *tuk screams as shes taken hostage by a recom, she squirms as rhe man holds her down from her kuru, making her cry and plead. As all recoms spread out and start surrounding us, spider unsheathes his bow, hissing and aiming his bow at them, loak tells spider to lower his bow, spider reluctantly puts his bow down, as kiri then gets tugged by a recom earning a yelp from her, tuk wails and cries, pleading for them to stop* 

"Mawey... tuk mawey-.." *kiri repeats to tuk as she then gets pulled at her head by the recom, she hisses at them* 

*You suddenly get trapped in the arms of a recom making you scream, you squirm your way trying to release yourself from them but your too weak to fight them off, everyone starts panicking in some way, spider tries to bite the recom but gets pulled at the hair instead, loak tries to convince the recoms he only spoke navi* 

*another unfamiliar recom comes into view earning confused looks from all of you, he then looks between you and spider, a little surprised, you send him a glare as you huff in anger slightly trying to tug yourself away from them, but the recom pulls you back and shouts at you to stay still. He roams around everyone and spots loak* 

"Show me your hands.." *he says in a deep and rustic voice* 

*loak gets shoved by the recom behind him trying to get an answer out of him, he then pulls both of his hands out drawing the middle finger to the man infront of him, a little 'fuck you' message to him. You smile and snicker a little, at loaks antics but your hair gets tugged by the recom behind you asking you if it's funny, you then hiss and glare behind them* 

"Hmm, so you are his..." *He smiles as he then looks up and nods at rhe recom to let him go, then taking looks kuru and tugging the braid along it, making him scream in pain, you wince as you see him get tugged at.* 

"Where is he?" *He orders loak, loak hisses at him, but he continues to pull at his hair trying to get an answer out of him* 

*Loak speaks in navi*

"Sorry.. but i don't speak your language.. to buttheads" *He chuckles at this sort but his braid gets pulled back again* 

"Where is your father- now." *Quaritch speaks more sternly in navi, pulling the back of loaks kuru making him hiss* 

"Leave him alone asshole-!" *you shouted to Quaritch as Loaks eyes went wide at your statement, Quaritch let's go of loak and hands him to another recom as he makes his way over to you, he snarls at you and pulls you by the hair, your breathe knocked out off your lungs as he forces you on your knees, taking a dagger out and holds it by your neck* 

"LET HER GO- DONT HURT HER PLEASE-" *Spider yells at him*

"DONT FUCKING TOUCH HER ASSHOLE-" *Loak tries to run to you but he gets held back by the recom* 

"And how are you- a simple human girl, can breathe in this fucking planet?.." *your heart drops, how did he know? he snarls at you and you squirm spewing curses at him telling him to let you go* 

"Ahh.. I see- dad's a navi and your mom a human?-" *He says chuckling to himself as your anger is fueled even more* 

"You don't know anything about me!" *you yell at him, making him hiss at you.* 

"Colonel- we got him tracked." *A recom announces as he pulls a tablet up for him, he looks at the statistics and smiles greedily, everyone worries* "Everyone, keep your eyes on lookout, we've got company." *Your heart drops at that moment, realising what they meant* 

"Shit-" *you curse under you're breathe, as they move you to another part of the forest you try and pry yourself away from the recoms but they keep you in place and snarl at you* 

*You try to calm yourself feeling a little lightheaded of what's about to happen, your all but calm though, you feel tears threatening to spill, suddenly a recom shouts of a sighting of a navi, you and everyone else were pulled down to duck, as the recpms start aiming their guns at them, you shake as the sound of a guns terrify you, tuk being beside you, you hold her hand as she cries, she looks at you, fear driven in her irises, you calm her as the gunshots never stopped until you heard a yip. Loak then elbows the recom taking a smoke bomb distracting all of them, Loak urges all of you to run and follow him, suddenly all the recoms start to chase you, your hands still locked together by some kind of cuffs, you run together with loak, kiri, tuk, and spider. As you almost get close to clearing you stumble upon a vine catching you off and falling down, one of the recoms are close by just feet away from you as they found you vulnerable, they almost get to you until you saw it, two pairs of navi eyes looking directly at you and the recom infront of him, the recom doesn't notice until he gets shot by an arrow through their chest. You fight back to scream opting to cover your mouth instead whimpering in fear, the navi runs up to you and grabs you by the arm, undoing your cuffs saying in English "GO!". Your mind races with thoughts wondering why the navi had saved you, he could've mistakened you for a scientist ans would've killed you right then and there, but for some reason, it had felt like for a split second something about him felt familiar- but as you were too caught up in imagining, he held you by your waist and carries you, making you yelp in the sudden change as you hold on to his neck for support. He ran fast, dodging most bullets as you held onto him for dear life. But as you were close to the clearing, the navi man's ankle had caught a vine and sprained his ankle, making you both tumble over, the injury was bad and who knows how many seconds had gone by till they found you* 

"Oh my god!? Shit- your ankle-" 

*you try to think of a solution and immediately ripped both your pants in a half making it into shorts, the navi man stares at you confused and panting, you bring the fabric tp his ankle and wrap it securely, he hisses at the pain* "It's going to be fine, we gotta get out of here-" *suddenly a beeping sound was heard around both of you and you realised it was a bomb* 

"SHIT! LOOKOUT-" *the navi man shouts as he rolls you both over to a farther place making you both roll over a steep part of the forest, he holds you close to him, engulfing you in his arms as to not get you hurt or scratched. Thankfully by the time you both reached the end, you both were at the clearing, as you both meet Jake, Neytiri, loak, kiri, and tuk. 

*Neytiri gasps at the both you, seeing you and neteyam falling Iver the slope.* "Are you kids alright?!" *jake asks worriedly running up to you both as everyone huddles near you both* "Yes, sir- we're alright-" 

*Neteyam says until he unwraps his arms around you seeing you unconscious, Neteyam curses under his breathe as everyone gasps in shock*

"Shit."

[umbracirrus]

An incredible half of a year, and looking forward to what is to come! 💛

So! Today, it is November 3rd 2023 - this marks exactly six months since I posted the first chapter of The Perfect Storm, as I mentioned in my post a few minutes ago as I posted chapter 14.

It's not a major anniversary, but is a big enough one for me. The reason why? I honestly didn't expect to still be writing at this point! It was my first foray into writing fanfiction once more after a few years of simply not being in the right place mentally to bring myself around to writing, in a fandom which I was new to (though had already been enjoying the Elder Scrolls for a few years by that point), posting a fanfiction based around a very uncommon relationship that was rated E on AO3 and set to be a slow burn... I honestly felt set up to fail from the start, half expected to lose heart within days/weeks of posting that first chapter...

Yet here I am, six months later, still writing - over 40,000 words in at the 14 chapter mark - feeling hopeful for the future and that I will still be writing at this time in six more months and my mind is filled to the brim with ideas of what is to come!

Now, I am first and foremost writing for myself, but I cannot deny that the effect that others - yes, all of you! - has been a massive driving factor. On AO3, my fic - much to my surprise - has somehow got almost 90 kudos, nearly 2,000 hits, 46 subscriptions(?!), and that honestly completely blows my mind whenever I look on my stats page on there. Knowing that people have actually interacted with what I have posted (and in some cases, actually want to read more?!) honestly spurs me on so much because... well, wow!!

And then there is on here! I had my account on here for a few months before I actually started to become active on here about 3-ish months ago, and honestly, I want to just hug every single person I have ever interacted with on here, or who has interacted with me. Followers, mutuals, and the like, I honestly love you all! 💛 I hadn't been involved in a fandom community in years, but the experience here has been incredible - I especially love WIP Wednesdays (even though I sometimes don't post them on a Wednesday) because, again, people actually want to see what I create? But it's such an inspiration driver - the realisation that it is Wednesday/getting tagged on Wednesdays makes me so excited and has me digging through my word documents (or my cross stitching) to show what I have progressed with.

So I really do want to say thank you to everyone for these past six months, and I am absolutely looking forward to another six more - because unlike six months ago, I'm finally feeling happy in myself and my writing, and am honestly the happiest I have felt in years in spite of all the highs and lows I have been through during this period.

Hugs to you all! 💛💛💛

[kuschelkissen]

And because I'm on a run*, have some (sort of) GinSherry drabbles I wrote for @lucrecia84

*seriously, that writing "hack" that tells you to write in Comic Sans? Either it works or I'm really inspired right now.

First impression

When he first saw her, he didn't think much of her. She was a child, a brat, a smart one, yes, but just a brat nevertheless. She stood out of the crowd with that auburn hair, just like him, and just like him she didn't care. And why would she? She was thirteen years old, head of the lab, and already high enough in rank to have a codename.

But all of that didn't impress Gin. Gin, who had been even younger when he had gotten his codename. Gin, who now was one of the top five members of the organisation.

No, he wasn't that easy to impress. What did impress him though, was the sheer audacity she showed when he entered the lab. She looked him right in the eyes – something even high ranked members often didn't dare! - and with deadpan voice told him that he was not allowed in the laboratory unless he was wearing the appropriate attire, and with these words pointed at the white labcoats hanging on the wall.

For a moment the whole lab went quiet, and even the rats seemed to notice the drop in temperature and stopped all noises.

"So?" she said, her little-girl-voice firm and almost challenging.

Gin thought about slapping her. A brat needs a good beating every now and then, his begetter's words sounded in his head, and his hand already twitched by his side.

The other people in the laboratory seemed to hold their breath as a grim smile showed on his face and he raised his hand to get the labcoat.

Sherry nodded in approval and turned around. "Now. Let me show you the data..."

She – still – was a brat, but somehow she suddenly became an interesting one.

~

When he left the lab that day, Sherry took a deep breath before she went hiding in the bathroom, heart pounding like wild in her chest.

When she had realised whom she had reprimanded earlier, she had almost dropped the clipboard in her hands. But she had had to stand her ground in front of the men and women working under her. It was already hard enough to get them to listen to her, if she had backed down now, she would've just been seen as the little girl that she basically still was.

So she had stood her ground, kept eyecontact with Gin, the Executioner, the Ruthless, the Merciless, already number five of the organisation, even questioned him and his decision twice!

And apperantly he had bowed to her authority? Accepted her as the one in charge down here??

Oh the restraint it had needed to keep a straight face when he had actually taken the coat! When he had looked at it with something close enough to doubt to make her shift from one leg to the other. And when he then had actually taken off his black coat and hat to put on the coat!

Sherry rubbed her face. She still couldn't believe it. She had made Gin take off his coat! To exchange his trademark black trenchcoat with a snowwhite labcoat! It had been such an abnormal view that she still wondered if she had hallucinated it, but no, he had been in front of her, that tall, almost kinda lanky young man with the silver hair, that made him look like a ghost in that white coat.

If she was honest with herself, she was actually proud of being able to just play it cool, go on and show him the data he – or rather the boss – had requested as if what happened had just been an everyday occurance and not something like the eigth world wonder...

Once again she rubbed her face, splashing it with some cold water now, and looked at herself in the mirror. She wondered if she now had to watch her back for disrespecting him like that, or if her actions maybe had the opposite effect. If defying Gin gained her some respect, some safety even.

Only time would show.

She straightened her back, then her coat, and left the bathroom, to go back to work.

~

Just a tiny tidbit for now. May continue depending on my inspiration and motivation. I think the relationship between these two, wether romantically involved or not, is quite interesting to explore.

"number 5" is not a mistake, since this is set some years in the past, I thought I'd degrade Gin a bit for now.

[just-some-random-blogger]

oh hello love! hope you remember me) it's been a pretty long time, sorry. happy new year, btw! how are you? how are your mental state? what about "Waiting For A Lifetime", i absolutely LOVE it! (no it wasn't inspired by that moodboard. i just wanted to see something like modern daemon but with the undying love? and added something to make some plot but your sexy brain made something so much more greater. thank u sm) i really can't describe everything i feel right now in english? it's just SO MUCH more than love and purest adoration! you made something bloom inside of me. i cried and for me it's the mandatory criteria of a good story. you made it feel so real? (if it makes sense) maybe the idea is cliche and cringey but you made the most fascinating fic out of it!! this inner conflict when the reader finally meets daemon? my soul of a person who works with analysing literature a lot is crying. this drama with aegon and him being a really pretty boy? my 'pretty boys lover' soul is crying. this soft daemon who's so eager to save his wife in the beginning? my 'desperate for love' soul is crying. it's the real masterpiece. and how daemon didn't remember the reader but (idk if you were inspired by my ask or it just felt right for you but) felt and this bond that just was felt?? i want to kiss your sexy sexiest brain and praise your writings and you for everything you do. (yes every writing of yours is soso beautiful i'm choking) i was going to ask if you've thought about writing part 2? but realised it's somehow works just like it is? yes i'd still be really happy to read part 2 but it's totally your choice. depends on your mental state, your will and just you? i'd be just glad to know that you've received it and know how much i love this, your sexy talented brain and you! thank you! for writing it! thank you if you want or not to ever write part 2! thank you for just writhing! thank you for you! stay hydrated, eat well and sleep tight! take care <3

NO BUT WHEN I SAW THIS I WAS SO EXCITED AND SO TOUCHED AND I HAD TO HOLD MYSELF BACK FROM HUGGING MY SCREEN LEST I BREAK IT AND NEVER GET TO WRITE FICS ON PC EVER AGAIN

HAPPY NEW YEAR I AM WELL THOUGH ANNOYED BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN HAVING ACNE BREAKOUTS EVER SINCE I MOVED AND I HATE IT I THINK MY DAD WAS RIGHT I NEED TO CLEAN MY ROOM 😭😭😭

MENTALLY i might be sharpay ^^^ but thats just cause im dramatic though lovely loves like you come around and make my heart go

(which is a good Squidward scream btw)

NAH LIKE I HAD TO GRAB MY PILLOW AND HUG IT AND SQUEAL INTO IT AND HUG IT SOME MORE, I WAS IMAGINING IT WAS YOU MODERN!DAEMON NONNIE 😭😭😭

Like you have no idea how invested I was in this prompt of yours when i saw it. Its neither cringey or cliche to me (ok maybe it is cliche but that's fine haters gon hate) You have absolutely no idea how invested I AM in it now i nearly wooshed through the second chapter bUT IT JUST WOULDN'T END and now ive trapped myself into writing a p3 i think 😭😭😭😭 not that im actually complaining im g

Im surprised you weren't inspired by the mood board i reblogged lololol HAHAHA thats cool i was a bit inspired by it so 🫶🤣

Im so so glad you recognized the inner conflict 🫶😭 not to be that person but as a writer, i always assume my readers are dumb, just cause ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ WHAT IF THEY ARE AND NO ONE GETS IT AND IN TURN IM ACTUALLY THE DUMB ONE FOR MAKING SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE GETS 😭😭😭 I TAKE I BACK NOT DUMB JUST SLOW NO ONES DUMB HERE so yeah i appreciate that it was clear or evident there was an inner conflict and not that she didnt want to see him idk idk i mean reread the fic again (which made me fall in love with that world all over again) and thought i did a pretty good job explaining everything but like 😭 idk man u never know

IM ALSO SO SO GLAD YOU LIKED MY PRETTY BOY AEGON 😭 to be completely honest with you, he was so crusty inside and out in the show i didnt think much of him, but then i found out his actor was an absolute babe inside and out and i was like HELLO HUBBAHUBBA AWOOOGAAA

Im also really glad you liked soft!daemon. Idk i have been writing really darkly for him that i feel like i have shaved a lot of his humor and his wit and the fiery love he has for his family. Idk idk daemon is not a good man but hes also not necessarily bad thus the morally grey hottie we absolutely simp for. I felt a bit apprehensive with making him so vulnerable but i was like, yeah fine its a fic whatever i am the law here 🤠

I was definitely inspired by your prompt to make daemon not know who reader is!! I actually pondered deeply on whether or not i would go through with that and i think i even spun a wheel for it lol HAHAHHAHA IDK I DON'T REMEMBER. But yeah, they have a magic connection, literally, so Daemon had to at least recognize the feelings his past self had. That'd be too cruel i think to not add lol

So yeah if it wasnt clear, already i definitely am writing (almost finished with it in fact) a p2. I hope you come back to read it. Not to overestimate myself but i might be done with it tomorrow lol.

I am so so happy you came back to tell me your thoughts on my fic. I would love it if you did the same for the next chapter 🥺👉👈 pretty please.

ALSO ITS SO FUNNY THAT YOU SAID YOU WANNA KISS MY BRAIN COS I MEAN ACTUALLY DOING IT IS SO WEIRD I IMAGINED YOU KISSING MY JELLY BRAIN SJSJJSNSN ITS LIKE WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO KISS SOMEONE'S EYES COS THEY WERE SO PRETTY BUT THEN I IMAGINED KISSING AN EYEBALL AND JSJSMMSMSMAMS

I am honored you took the time to express yourself to me at all and in english. I appreciate it sososososo much it was clear enough for me i hear you loud and clear.

I am glad you came around though it has been a while since your request. I dont mind at all. Come back as often as you want my love.

Im also so happy you cried 🤣🤣🤣🫶🫶🫶 i love making people cry 😈😈😈 it means i did something!!!! You and i are alike!!! Crying is a good indicator for.... Enjoyment 👁️👄👁️ ... Lets not unpack that here lol

Also the fact you seem to like all my stories 😭😭😭 my genius brain is crying over the love im such a genius arent i? I love you so much

Gosh this reply is so all over the place i hope it makes sense 😭 im on mobile and woke up early and now its late and my brain is frazzled but i hope i went through everything you said and i hope you know i love you

xxx

[softnoirr]

I know you had previously mentioned that PDD was originally going to be from Tobin’s POV but that when you started it, it was just too dark. Do you happen to have any discarded snippets you’d ever want to share of that? Or if you want a break to write like a scene from her POV? I’m just clamoring to get inside of her brain haha. If not no worries though!

It wasn't quite the original, because the original was a very, very different and much lighter version of the same story we have now in Christen's POV (chapter 13 would've been opening night of r&j in that version, for reference of how different it was.) I started the Tobin version when I got frustrated because that version wasn't working.

The only thing I have is what would've been the first chapters, because that was when I realised how dark it was turning. Also please bear in mind that because this version is so early (like three years old at this point) there are things that don't appear/are different/contradictory to the published version. This excerpt is following a description of a dream Tobin is having.

The world ends, and then Tobin wakes up. The latter is decidedly the worst part of it all.  In real life, there had been no costume, no makeup, no stage lights. None of the grandiose affection she dreams up. There had been warm-up clothes and studio space and pointe shoes she hadn’t tied tightly enough and Johnathon counting the steps aloud as they moved their way through the choreography. It hadn’t even been the death of the Swan, that was just a dramatic addition of her sleep-addled brain; in the real world, it had been the Black Swan's pas de deux.  There was still blood and the sound of someone screaming, echoing through the room shrilly, as Tobin, who had not yet registered the pain, wished they’d shut up so she could just focus. It had been her screaming, of course. Her own voice crying out into the dead silence of a packed room.  Her final bow wasn’t exactly as she had imagined it. Her final bow was still trapped in the knee brace her leg was confined to every morning when she woke. Eyes puffy and throat tight and alive, somehow, even though her life was very much over.  So, Tobin has this dream, and it’s fine because it probably doesn’t mean anything because nothing ever does. But she also wakes up from that dream with the results of its inspiration and an apartment that is empty but for her awards, in a bed that's cold from her ice pack and its emptiness.  She has a dream, and she wakes up and it's sort of a nightmare in the daylight. She doesn’t want to think about that, though. So she rolls over as much as she can around her injury and cries until she falls back to a sticky, pain-riddled sleep.  A long time ago, what feels like a million years ago when pressed against her damaged body and slowly softening muscle, Tobin thought that she was going to dance until she died. That she would carry on and carry on until her heart finally gave out and they had to bury her under the stage. The place was already sufficiently haunted, what was one more Ballerina? She was going to be dead and breathing a lot sooner than she ever could have anticipated.  She pushes herself out of the mass of her sheets, leaning heavily on crutches as she stutters her way into her too-big and too-empty kitchen, seeking out a cup of coffee and some semblance of a reprieve from the pain that echoes all the way down to her core.

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV quick rundown - Live Show/164 - The Faceless Old Woman

Read the rest here!

Featuring the voice of Mara Wilson as The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In All Of Our Homes

CW: emetophobia (also there's a lot of insect mentions but I forget what that fear is called so cw bugs I guess? sorry~ )

I am the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home...

This live show we hear from the FOW. She is the only one we hear during this episode/live show.

The FOW feels fear when noticing three elderly residents living in a single house. She is not sure at what time they are or will be there because time is still weird for her, but knows that they scare her. She thought at first they were in a polycule but the residents have their own rooms and don't speak to or even look at each other. They also don't actually sleep despite going through the ritual of it and aren't afraid when she reveals herself to them.

One has deep scar tissue around an ear. One has no tongue. One has a bad tattoo with poetry written underneath it. They all inspire fear in others when seen and ignore each other whilst showering somehow leaving completely dry towels behind.

At meal time they all make seperate meals (still ignoring each other) and attempt to consume it only to vomit it up in a single watery fountain and begin again to try and consume the food. One of them gets tired of this and throws their plate through the kitchen window before punching out the glass despite it cutting them badly. They howl in sadness and their neighbour, Susan Wilman's lemon tree dies, it's fruit dropping down and bursting open showing meat-like flesh inside.

The FOW realises they are the three people she's been talking about, except they are dead (or will be dead) and each of them will be trapped in that house together yet not together as ghosts unable to move on.

She ends by saying she plans to start showing herself to everyone.

Weather: None

The resident with the tattoo is Toni. The tattoo was given by the FOW using the metal rod from Toni's fondue set. Toni wants to be a poet but currently works doing direct marketing selling high interest credit cards. The FOW enjoys putting various insects on Toni's face and taking pictures of them, which she plans to eventually exhibit in Toni's living room. The tarantula she placed on their face bit them causing swelling of the eyes.

Adi, wanted for murder in another state (but ironically not the murder they actually did) goes on House Hunters to get the house they will eventually live in. They left their family, friends and girlfriend of two years behind. They had a dog, but it was arrested for peeing in the dog park. The FOW put a woodboring bettle into their ear and this is why they are heavily scarred there after their death.

Morgan does not pay the standard 20% and often yells for a manager over the smallest issue. The FOW cuts out their tongue and feeds it back to them in the soup they later orders at Applebee's. They are the resident who moans and wails after breaking the window.

Someone else directly mentioned is Alex. They have terrible wifi and are asked if they've done their taxes on time. They also apparently had a yellowing lettuce in their crisper. The FOW makes herself a salad, using up all of Alex's parmesan cheese and replacing it with dead skin she's collected.

The FOW writes how, when and where everyone will die in the back of journals and notebooks they own but people tend not to read them, except for Jonathan Franzan who is also not going to die.

The FOW also mentions replacing a Community Players' fake poison for the end of Romeo and Juliet with borax.

The FOW is over 200 years old, was born in another country, spent some time amongst thieves and then later upon death spent time under the sea. (the book about her explains it more but alas I do not have it).

She advises that we all Tweet too much.

I am the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home. And your home. And your home. And every home. And I will be seeing you very, very… soon.

Proverb: Never judge a book by its cover, judge it by the title page instead.

[kunstmull]

Shippuu no Blixa

Odd memory: many many years ago, I exchanged a number of messages with someone in the Neubauten fandom who initially seemed quite friendly, until the subject of "shipping" came up, at which point they became intensely hostile, and ultimately blocked me when I wouldn't take it seriously.

At the time, I had no idea what was going on, and chalked it up to "people are weird on the internet".

Shipping, to me, was an inherent part of fanfic and the other aspects of transformative fandom that I deeply loved. The term (much like its close relative, "slashing") originated in fanfic revolving around fictional characters and stories, and was carried along as part of the package when fanfic expanded to encompass RPF.

Although it seems wild to me, there are people who object to all RPF on principle. The idea that fantasising or writing fiction about pop stars or actors, or other folks who act as a silver screen embodying emotions and experiences (including sexual desire) for a living is somehow... insulting to them? That, to me, is deeply strange, and puritanical. Inspiring desire in fans is part of the job.

So I will always defend Fan Fiction - even the sometimes problematic areas like slash or shipping. (Someone writes a good piece on this every few years; here's the lastest in a long line)

And it was actually me that asked Blixa, during one of the Q&A sessions, about what his feelings about fanfic were - to which he replied (and confirmed I could share this information) he was OK with it. Other people have inspired him in his creativy; he accepts that he will inspire other people in their creativity.

...

But that comes with two important caveats:

CHAPTER 1 - Do not cross the streams.

Unless an idol has explicitly said they are interested in fanfic, do not force your fantasies on them. This is just basic fandom manners 101. It's such a talk-show-host dick move, to confront idols with this sort of thing - "did you know people on the internet imagine SMUT about you?!?!?" You have a right to your fantasies; they have the right not to have your fantasies in their face. Fanfic runs on the maxim "don't like; don't read". The people it's about enjoy those rights, too.

No, you do not have any right to talk to your fave about your theories on who you think they are secretly boffing. You are a stranger to them. That's deeply creepy and weird. Trust me, most artists with a large public profile have a team of people working to filter out this kind of behaviour long before it reaches them, because it is so stalker.

CHAPTER 2 - Fanfic is FICTION.

This is the big one. And the one I'm now realising was probably the source of the hostility from that person all those years ago. Shipping as a concept comes from Fiction. It involves reading Kirk & Spock or Mulder & Scully or Aziraphale & Crowley as being in a relationship. It's a beautiful thing, that involves creative transference of the fan's relationship with the media. (It's also a horrible thing, because who here doesn't bear the scars of some ship war or other. People get immensely invested, and intensely protective of their ships precisely because of that process of transference.) With fictional characters, there is no right or wrong as to how to read them. (And because fictional characters have authors, rather than lives of their own, sometimes it's amazing when something you have read becomes canon.)

Here's the one place where RPF is different from other fanfic. You have no right to dictate the ultimate truth of other human beings' relationships or lives.

You have every right to fantasise. You have every right to play. You have every right to project your own desires into fiction, and if you are queer, you have every right to read your own queerness into the pieces of media that you consume. Fiction is fiction; fantasy is fantasy. You have every right to whatever goes on in your own brain.

To me, that's what "shipping" is - an act of fantasy and projection that clearly owns that it is fiction, while delighting in the joy and friction of possibility and "what if?" Did I spend my entire teenage years rewinding the bits of the Bauhaus videos where Peter Murphy and Daniel Ash frotted one another over a 12-string? OF COURSE I DID. Do I now watch Buck-Tick videos, screaming "Just kiss!!!" at Acchan and Imai, until they do their fan service routine, and they make out? OF COURSE I DO!!! Do I think that gives me any insight into the actual relationship between the human beings that play those roles onstage? NO. NO, I DO NOT. Therein lies the rub.

But it turns out there's another kind of "Shipping".

And it is deeply delusional, and arrogant, and full of the worst kind of fan entitlement.

You do not have the right to insist that your own personal fantasies are The Ultimate Truth about another person's life. That is grotesque. But unfortunately, if there's one thing I've learned on Tumblr, it is that there are a lot of delusional people on the internet, who cannot keep firm boundaries between their own desires and the lives of other people.

Don't be one of them.

[nonchastin]

Para-social pt.2

It hit me, like a crater on the moon, deeply impacted because of the lack of the atmospheric coat. I wasn’t able to say anything, not because I didn’t want to but because I just couldn’t fathom my own voice, it was stuck inside but somehow I managed to say, “Hi.” With my hand extended in his direction, he was dressed in all his glory, a black suit jacket with black shirt and pants, his mullet combed neatly enough and his aura, enough to put me off my senses. “I was asking, due to lack of company….” He took my hand and brushed the tip of his thumb on my knuckles, non existent shivers ran down my spine. “Would you like to dance?” I could remember taking those web quizzes, could remember how I didn’t enunciate energy which would make me get asked to a Jane Austen dance but here it was, the opportunity. I pretended not to know him, I pretended that I never crashed with him in the morning, even though he did. Despite the fact that this was the second time we met. “Sure, but I’m not professional.” I told him, as he snaked his arm around my waist, so slowly that I grew impatient, pulled me closer till we were nose to nose. He didn’t know, or did he? Did he notice the slight gasp I let out or did he notice my goosebumps, he didn’t know that this moment would inspire me to write on for years to come. This small dance on the balcony of a restaurant located in the city of love, it might’ve felt insignificant to him. I might’ve been just another woman he asked to dance but for me this wasn’t a daily occurrence. This slow jazz music, these soft yellow lights and the murmurs of the crowd, faded into nothing. All I could see was him, staring in my eyes as if he was my one and only love. As if he would burn the world to ashes and still dance with me like this. I looked away from his pretty face and focused on our feet, moving in sync as if this were the hundredth time we danced like this. As if this were a stage performance and our rehearsals took place in the kitchen every morning. “How is this city treating you?” He questioned, “Amazing actually, it made me realise that I like solo trips.” It was true, I enjoyed the comfort my family and my few friends provided me with but I had a different magnitude of solace when I was by myself. My thoughts on loose, my mind lost in itself.

“Agreeable, I mean I enjoy the members a lot but-“ he paused, maybe he thought that I didn’t know him but I did. I knew what he was talking about. “I know,” It was odd, it felt like home. Saying his name when he was in front of me. Saying his name as it was addressed to him. He smiled, a shy boyish grin. “I really thought that you don’t know me.” How could I not, I wanted to scream at him but my hand on his shoulder tightened slightly, “does that make me any less capable of a dance with you?” I asked, a bit of sarcasm slipped in my sentence.

“No, in fact it’s good to see someone who is- forget it. How long are you here for?” I wanted him to continue but he didn’t, he wasn’t comfortable confiding in with a stranger. And I was fine with it, at the end of the day no matter how much I admired him the only relationship we had was the one of a fan and idol. “I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.” He hummed, and considered my answer.

“Perfect. It turns out that I too like going solo at times, but it’s getting lonely with no friends. Would you like to explore with me tomorrow?” Did he expect me to say no, because well, my smile must’ve given it away, the unconscious and uncontrollable smile I had on my face due to his proposal. I am meant to be doomed, because if he is even close to the figments of my imagination then there’s no turning back. “Why not? But, how are you so comfortable with me?” It was matter of fact, how was he so comfortable? No idol confides in their fans like this, asking them to join for a pretty day out, no one does and I happen to be skeptical by nature. “Like I said, it’s getting lonely. I could use someone to click my pictures. I’d click yours too.” His English had an accent, it was….cute. “Okay.”

“That okay of yours sounded very skeptical.” I chuckled, “And what shall I call you?” I was in such a haze that I forgot what he asked for a second, and stumbled to remember my own name.  ---

I was currently waiting at the reception of the hotel, co-incidences lined up as we realized we were staying at the same five star hotel. He was staying in a suite, and well I was staying in a simple room I had booked for two nights because I couldn't afford to stay four in them. Just in case, I had gotten up half an hour early and was here twenty minutes before the time we mutually agreed on. The hotel manager passed me, I kept a straight face but then remembered it was Paris, that the people's mannerisms didn't teach them to hug but to kiss. So when she turned back I smiled lightly but by the time I did that she was already heading towards me, "oh sweetie, how is your stay so far?" I staggered a bit, awkwardly, "It's good, really. I love the breakfast buffet." I did like eating five different donuts in the morning after I jogged on the hotel treadmill for half an hour to sweat off the puffiness on my face. 

Narrator's pov; The manager left soon but not after a minute, she was welcomed with his presence, "The French tend to kiss alot." He said as he walked closer to me, "On the cheek mind you." She lifted her index finger, pointed it at him accusingly. "Now that's not as french as it should be, right?" The fan pages dedicated to him had said that he was a flirt, a good one at that but it was now that she experienced it, the way he often brushed his hair back which might've been a tidbit. "Maybe," she shrugged her shoulders, unfortunately that was the only response she could think of. "And you're here, fifteen minutes early." He took a look at his watch, did realise this, despite being the person who often ran late for things. It came to him like an unconscious surprise he gave to himself. "Oh, I suppose so." 

"Do you wanna make a quick call and tell your members how you're not late for once?" She said this as a joke, but then gave herself a mental slap. She just let the fact slip that she was a dedicated fan. "You know about my mannerisms? How long have you been stalking me for?"  his tone severely dramatized, a smile about to spread on his face. "Ages, you have no idea." and while he chuckled at her words it was only her who knew that they were always the truth. She was good at hiding her emotions. But he was maybe a good observer because he didn't miss the way she looked away and started walking towards the exit, saving herself from taking a glance at him. 

They had breakfast at a cafe and then took a walk downtown before going to an art exhibition they came across. Exchanged the mutual acknowledgement on how art in itself is never about the viewer but it's all about the artist and their inspiration. The thirst of getting their thoughts on the canvas but then realizing how they put too much of themselves in it that they unclothed their thoughts bare. That the canvas goes to a corner of the room not because it wasn't good, it was because it was so surreal and out of imagination that people wouldn't understand it, but when they did then the consequences would be life changing. "Hey, the light is almost about to go green." she took a hold of his hand and ran to cross the road in under ten seconds, he still felt her touch on his hand, so much so that he stopped when they reached the other side and she still walked toward the cartier store. It wasn't after a full three and a half seconds later that he regained his consciousness and followed her. "Wait up." he caught up to her as the security guard opened the door, "What are we here for?"

"I'm thinking of getting my mother a bracelet, she always wanted one. With a cartier tag on it." he didn't say it, but internally asked himself two questions, how old is she? is she popular and only I don't happen to know about her? "Damn." he patted her back, appreciatively as if saying that he was proud of her. "How much do you even own?" he meant it as a joke, a full joke which was just supposed to be a tease but, "Oh, I'm just in my second last year and I actually write as a side-job so yeah, it would be my first time getting something for my parents." she explained him, "That's really sweet of you." Before he could say anything else an employee interrupted them, the store itself couldn't be more European-esque, multiple floors and cream colored walls with a ginormous golden chandelier right in the centre. "The delicate ones, not really studded with diamonds all over, yes thin and elegant." as she selected different bracelets, it was him tying them for her around her wrist, not shying once from letting his fingers brush against her skin. 

"You have nice arms, you know?" she let her index finger trail against the surface of his bulged veins and maybe it was him who realized that he liked the sensation of it, that he felt warmth under her touch and his heart beat seemed to still. "Th-thanks." She turned her head to the other side, only to smile when she noticed his reaction, and noticed how his ears were a deep pink. She did make him flustered once, but now the hunger grew like a beast. The selfishness never getting quenched, she wanted more, more minutes, more hours, she wanted everything of his. She wanted him, no she needed him. A few hours passed after she bought the bracelet, clicked his pictures from her phone to treasure them later, clicked one where they both posed a victory sign, he didn't miss the way she seemed to glow. Had he known that it was because of him, because of his presence. 

They were still strolling on the streets, light hearted discussions about his profession until he saw someone with a DSLR camera and it was his reflex which clicked in, the moment his adrenaline spiked up. He registered the fact that he was here without a mask, two that he had a woman beside him. It wasn't that he was phobic to the cameras, he seemed to love this invention, how it could catch the moments we didn't want to forget. How we could face-time someone who was thousands of miles away. But when he existed as a simple normal human, and not as a celebrity on the road he desperately felt the need to ignore the cameras. The people of the media could click the infamous from angles which would've made a blind man see what the media wanted them to see. The first thought which rushed in his head wasn't that he was here but it was that she was with him, if anyone even clicked a picture then her reputation would get attacked. Her profile dug up and thrown on the internet, that's how strong his fanbase was. The thought scared him so much that the next thing he did was take a hold of her wrist and hurried towards the closest corner of the building. 

A questioning look on her face, "What happen-" but she paused when she saw a middle aged man walking past them with a camera. "Hey it's fine." she kept her hand on his shoulder and he nodded in a panic stricken state. A few deep breaths after his adrenaline seemed to return on its usual levels. "I'm so sorry." he rasped out but she held up her hand, convincing him. "No, it's fine. Don't worry." and she comprehended at that instant, that he was close, a bit too close. 

How long had he been trying? To make her blush? just once? Like she had from the past six times, but now when they stood in a close proximity everything seemed to blur. The slow traffic, the laughs of the kids who were playing with helium balloons, trying their best not to make them fly away. She looked in his eyes and her heart dipped all the way down to her stomach, she was sweating but her back shivered as she became conscious of the fact that they were exchanging breaths, that her hand rested on just above his heart, she could feel it thump, fast. It was when he removed his hand from her waist only to tuck the strand of her hair fringe behind her ear, it was then when her eyes downcast, he finally saw that red color creeping up her neck. A smile plastered on his face, a stranger standing across them mistook them for lovers. "I'm tired..." he sighed contently, "I am too, but nice kind of tired." he understood what she said, that all the walk from the hotel upto here was so much worth the tiredness, that they knew they would collapse on the bed but they would be wide awake because the day would replay in their minds. That he would look back to this years later, how he had felt a desperate need for a travel partner and how this woman in front of him who looked a bit too beautiful happily volunteered. 

He would return to his life after two days, resuming his word for producing music. She would go back to hers, resuming her studies tomorrow. "Can I hug you?" his voice was soft as he melted into her embrace the moment she nodded yes. He closed his eyes, inhaled her scent, the soft smell of the shampoo she used, he tightened his arms around her until all he could feel was her arms wrapped around his neck and her soft chest against his. He sighed yet again, but not because he was tired but because maybe he would never receive a hug like this, so warm that it felt like home. So tight that he didn't want to let go. 

This was maybe the first and the last time but she regretted hugging him, because she would continue to miss his arms for even she didn't know how long. But she closed her eyes, felt her cheek on his linen shirt, felt his fingertips brush the skin of her back ever so slightly, tried to take the best out of this moment. Tried that in her memories this moment would last for an eternity. Tried to savor it the best it could, but even the memories of a person are put to shame when they are right in front of us, creating more of the flashbacks every turning second of the clock. "Hey," she said, slightly muffled. Tears pricked her eyes, trying the best to not let her emotions show in her voice. "Hmm?" he wanted to press his lips against the crook of her neck, "Thank you for this." She wanted to say so much more, thanks for being here. Thanks for holding my hand, thank you for giving me this experience, I will remember it. Thank you for being the way I imagined you to be. Thank you. I think I'll continue to fall for you forever. But she didn't. "I should be the one saying that,"

 —

What was this sadness? What did it imply? Even she didn't know as she walked off with both her hands pulling the trolleys, tiredly enough that if she could then she would sprawl on the floor and cried like it was the end of the universe. But tears did not come, with experience and with trying to hide her feelings so much that her body adapted itself to it. That it didn't allow her to cry her heart out until she didn't reach a breaking point. But all her neurology was going wrong, didn't it know that she had reached further from the breaking point. That she wanted to break things, that she wanted to shatter a fragile glass in her hand, that she wanted to feel the blood drip on the floor as she stared at her cuts and the red glass shards numbly enough that the world would be burning but she wouldn't spare it a single mindless glance. Her chest ached, and though the pain was familiar enough that it didn't feel strange but it did feel like it was magnified, it did feel like the pain won't stop anytime soon and that the pain would give her the power to write the saddest of her works. That the pain, despite being a curse, blessed her with such artistic approach that the words she would write again would feel cut through. 

She passed a wine shop. She passed a clothing designer brand and then she passed a bookstore, decided to enter it, decided that reading a mystery would take her mind off for at least some time if not forever. Fast paced steps, fast enough that she had chances of colliding with someone yet again. But it didn't happen. This time her neurology was cautious. She skipped to the non-fiction section and went to the mystery section, fetched some books but her eyes diverted to a section dedicated to poetry. Surprisingly enough, found an entire section dedicated to her works. She gasped, at the enormity of situations like these, knowing this well enough that her work had received critical acclaim but still found it flabbergasting. She never faced imposter syndrome, never felt those comments which often said that she's over hyped. Because she knows that it's not the hype but rather the fact that all the things she wrote came straight from her heart, her words true and honest. She put herself in front of the people, her feelings raw and naked but she hid in anonymity, found comfort without having to expose her face and her name. A thought rushed in, maybe she should've told him, should've told him that he is her muse. Nonetheless she didn't and she regretted it. She remembered her mother's words, 'everyone has their own regrets, that is why there is no such thing like a time machine.' 

She picked up one of her books, inspected it as if she was trying to watch it from the eyes of a buyer, ran her finger through its spine, flipped the book and swept through the pages- She heard her name being called, she put the book down immediately and scanned the surroundings, "What the absolute hell." she muttered under her breath as she found him searching for her, she was just about to call his name but then recalled that she couldn't, "Hey." he looked in her direction, hesitation in her eyes, why was he here now? Why was he fueling her false hopes? She stood rooted at her spot as he walked up to her. 

"There's something I wanted to tell you." He was slightly patting, he flipped his hair to remove them from his eyes, to get a better look at her. "What is it?" What was that he wanted to tell her? That it couldn't wait but they hadn't exchanged numbers or their social media handles. There was no other way to communicate. 

"The night at the restaurant." he took a brief pause, looking in all directions except her eyes. "It wasn't the first time we met." Oh, that was it? Should she accept the fact that she knew that it was him she collided with. "I know, the morn of that day. I know it was you, I read your identity card." He stayed silent, he should've said something but he didn't.  

"I'm sorry I didn't tell this to you earlier-" she stopped herself from rambling further when he stopped her mid sentence, "No, I saw you for the first time in the Louvre." That was the very first day of her trip, but he kept talking, "And for the second time when you were shopping for souvenirs, the third time when you were having croissants in a cafe while you were face-timing someone." She just was on the verge of letting the book slip out of her hands, here she had been thinking that their meet was enough to wreck her life and here he was telling her that it had been so much more. 

"Do you believe in fate?" she laughed sarcastically, her nails dug in her palm deeper. The next second she knew, she turned away from him and towards the book rack, took out all the books under her writer name, tears finally coming at the brink, what an ill timing they had. She breathed, a long inhale and then an exhale, blinked away repeatedly, turned to him again. He knew, knew that this whole thing wasn't heading to where he thought it would, he didn't precedent that she would take his hand in hers, "You." she kept one book in his hand, or more like slammed it. 

"You, you, it's all you.'' She kept all the four books in his hand, their weight feeling heavy not because they were, because her words were implying something entirely different, because not his other five lives would have thought of this. "Do you believe in fate?" They stared in each other's eyes, a broken expresion coating her, an aura of question, an invisible blanket of disbelief surrounding him. 

"Let me answer your question, I don't." It was fake, it was false, it gave you an island of security for a moment when a tsunami of destruction was headed your way. A sweet mirage created to twist the bitter reality into something which was never there. Fate, if just it was real. 

"And I do. Co-incidents? Yeah if it's twice. But if I'm just crossing paths with a person over and over-" then I would like to try, then I would like to enjoy not just a day but all of the seasons if I could, that's how hopeful I am and to see you this hopeless somehow makes me feel that we need to change perspectives. There's no fixing, there is no saving but there's a certain push you give to me. But I cannot ask you to stop, you have your life and we are strangers to each other. But you feel so much more, it's hard to explain. He wanted to say all of this, but he didn't.  She shook her head, as if she was trying to drag herself from this self perpetual haze. Tried to snap out of it, no she couldn't think about any of this. She didn't have the time. She didn't have the nerves to see the outcome of this whole thing. "Keep an eye on my work." he grew confused, "A masterpiece is waiting to be released." she took a step away but then he stopped her, with his fingers on her wrist. She prayed that he couldn't feel her veins pulsating. "If I ever see you again, then I'll ask you to stay. It's up to you if you want to." But the chances are not slim, they are just not there. She saw the end of it, did he really have the audacity to make her wait for him like this? She grew vexed, but didn't let it come on her face. "Goodbye." 

—— I had controlled my tears from the past twelve hours, god had gifted me with such capability but when the door opened I broke down, I didn't even get to step inside the house before I was on my knees sobbing, my father had grown so worried that he kept asking about what had happened, but it was my brother who hugged me till i grew still, till the time tears still slipped down my eyes, their tank never emptying but i had regained my breath. He didn't ask me anything, I felt like he knew. Like he knew what had happened. In the night it was my mother who consoled me and when she left I typed endlessly like a never ending ebb, flowing till infinity. That night I knew I would write the saddest lines, because I loved him and in those microscopic seconds which I wished lasted longer he loved me too.

--- She was celebrating the latest publication of her new poetry and prose collection with her cousins, on the rooftop of a building in the heart of New York, the ever too bustling and ever too chaotic city which never slept. It seemed to love the hustle and the never quite decorum it never had from the start. She seemed content, in herself and her career, her family poured her with love and the limited friends she had made were caring enough that she could rely on them. But a void, deep inside her, in a corner there was a void which would never get filled. That regret, she should've tried, she shouldn't have walked away, she should've asked for his number. She didn't. 

His career took off years back, but he had felt like an artist now, the one which was critically acclaimed. He had thought that he wasn't good at writing lyrics, and here he was, he had received the praises for writing that album he worked so hard on. He had found the reason two years back, the reason which stood in front of him a few yards away on a table talking in a language which seemed very foreign to his ears. He prayed, look back please. 

When she did, disbelief and her trust that fate didn't exist shattered. Like a fragile glass she would break in her hands. He rose an eyebrow, a look implying 'See I told you' 

[hanayumi]

hi! im having the struggles of my life with my writing rn.

i was wondering how you got your writing to this good. what i mean is how do you use such descriptive words and sentences and still make the story so cool and creative.

HI THERE!!! ∠(　˙-˙ )／✧

first of all i just wanna say, omg, this ask have been sitting in my inbox for AGES (maybe even years, oh god) and anon i really hope my reply finds you safe somewhere somehow!!! 😵‍💫

honestly, im not always satisfied with my writing too! like, it takes a reaaaally long time of editing, revising, and even rewriting before im truly ‘okay’ with putting anything out (as you can probably tell) — and even now i seriously hate reading some of my older works bruh

but that aside, i sat down and tried to compile a list of things i usually take note of. below are some tips that help me through the process!

when you first begin, you might start throwing in a bunch of flowery language etc. to ‘fancy’ everything up a bit (i was guilty of this lmao) BUT too much of a good thing can be bad too, so you don’t wanna risk wasting time on extensive, unrelated descriptions of things that you realise you didn’t have a purpose for in your story… so i think it helps to remember your end goal (by the end of this scene, what is it that you want to establish? what kind of emotion are you trying to capture with your writing?)

to give a concrete example on how: try tapping into the five senses! say i want to write about a creepy murderer in my house (just an example :p) and i situate my mc inside the closet. how do i convey their terror? fear? i would write about their lack of vision — the sheer darkness of the closet. maybe the smell of clothes detergent filling their nose. the muffled creak from down the hallway that makes their heart jump to their throat. adding realistic details increases immersion & absorbs the reader into the story. try to imagine yourself as the characters — what would you experience, feel, see, hear, smell etc.?

of course, this should be done in moderation so you don’t overload the reader’s senses lol ^

secondly, whenever possible, try to play around with your sentence structure. what do i mean by this? short sentences & long sentences both have their own effect (it sounds rly obvious, but it’s important to keep in mind while you write so you don’t lose sight of the progress, or the tone of your writing). when i write, i try to keep a natural flow of sentences (double-checking by reading it aloud in my head) so it doesn’t sound awkward. and of course, this is just my style of writing, but i like to include tons of what is called ‘free indirect discourse’, because i enjoy writing exclusively from a chara’s point of view. (it’s when your character’s opinions and thoughts seep into the narrative, so in this regard it makes it easier to convey their thoughts/feelings about the subject matter)

^^ there’s a famous quote by gary provost worth checking out about the varying ways to utilise long, short & medium sentences. that way, even when you’re throwing in abstract ideas / descriptions, it rarely gets bland or vapid to read :^)

but the best advice i can give you that most people will agree with is to read!! read more! find your favourite authors; what about their writing do you adore? is it their word choice, the clever way they utilise dialogue, the flow of their sentences or the creativity of their plot? there’s definitely merit in identifying these points! then you can apply them to your own writing (not copy, but take inspiration from! there’s a huge difference)

that’s about all i can think of off the top of my head. in the first place, i’ve only now started finding my motivation for writing after a looooong slump 😭 hopefully i can get back into the rhythm of it soon!

if you’ve read this far, hopefully you found it useful! ☺️ just keep in mind that just as every writer’s writing style differs, my advice is completely subjective too! hang in there!! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

[pidayforpi]

Oh, wow. Exactly 3 days after this post, I started to really feel the stress.

The next morning right after my "omg Bullfrog is inspired by Assassin's Creed???" random thought, I suddenly felt extremely...down. And again disappeared into the void.

Actually, that wasn't the first time it had happened. And I have started to see a pattern:

Whenever you see me disappear all of a sudden, I am usually busy and/or stressed/depressed. I realise my activity fluctuates somewhat like this:

[Activity → Decreased/decreasing/cease in activity (due to being busy) → Return in activity (for a few days) after being busy → Sudden cease in activity (due to being stressed/depressed)]

Every time I would feel down, it goes down very quickly. Like, the previous day would be fine, and then next day would be absolutely not fine.

And this usually happens after extreme/extended stress. During the stress is fine, but after the stress is when things start to go down, very quickly.

Before, I thought there was something wrong with me. I have experienced this feeling before, and it always caused so much frustration every time that happened. The sadness just happened out of nowhere, and I had no idea why that happened, how to get rid of it, or what I have done "wrong".

But apparently, especially this time, I realised that I simply can't withstand so much stress for so long.

Actually, I have been feeling these "sudden sad episodes" shortly after school started again this year, which I had just powered through. Somehow, I didn't realise those were stress responds, even though I had been (almost) working non-stop.

(Again, it doesn't feel bad when you are working. It then feels really bad only after you are done working.)

Only this time, it is way worse.

These are simply burnouts, and I should have known that.

Especially when I re-read the (sort-of) diary entries I have written when I was also suddenly super sad, back in 2021. That was also after an extremely stressful event, and the sadness kicked in only after the event was over. Which was another kind of stressor, because I was too stressed to rest.

A shame that I had written to myself "never to forget that feeling", and I ended up forgetting it and stressed myself out again.

That period in 2021 was even more pathetic than this time. I am (unsteadily) improving throughout the years, but every time the sadness hits again, it brings out past memories. And with them: Worries that I may relapse back to a period of my life I fear very, very much.

This time may be somewhat worse, on the other hand, because I still have an exam to revise for. I am slowly dealing with the stress as much as I can, and will hopefully not "peace out" all of a sudden again. Even if just browsing artwork, I will try to be around at least daily. May be write some thoughts down (like this one), or leave a comment or two.

I will do my best, whatever "my best" can be.

(I am aware this is super incoherent and probably very weird. I apologise, but this is just for me to try to write down my feelings. That's what I did back in 2021, and I am doing what old me had taught myself to do: Sharing my thoughts.)

(So, last week I was doing a lab report assignment. I saw a research paper by a "Matsuda", and literally my first thought was:

"Matsuda! Who the hell do you think you are shooting?! Don't mess with me!!!"

Okay. So, yeah. You may see that I haven't been active at all since September, and totally not active since December. That lab report (due last week) was one of the reasons. And I also had 2 tests, also on last week.

Honestly I have just been very busy since school started again. Honestly, I have just been very busy the entire year.

(Like I paused playing Brok the InvestiGator since school started because it's just so intriguing, and have been dodging spoilers left and right since then)

Now that the year is coming to an end (which is surprisingly fast to me), I also realised I haven't done much outside school this year. Understandable and expected, but not really desirable. Most other things I have done were passive ones, like story reading and film/series watching. And mostly during summer, as well.

I didn't produce much this year, at least when compared to the last. Only 2 short stories, 2 shorter drabbles and 2 infodumps. Oh, and the Undertale story idea dump, which I am kinda proud of. Honestly never thought I would write it down entirely, let alone share with anyone. And all of these (except the infodumps) were done in the first half of the year.

Now that I technically am having a semester break, I wish I could/would start writing again, or have time to do something else other than studying and sleeping. I have started reading fics again, and I hope I could have the time to write my own too. Or honestly, write anything.

(Can't promise though, because exams come right after holidays. And second semester comes right after exams)

(like @krueger4eva i see your ask and it makes me so so so happy but i didn't have time to reply to you and i don't want to give you a half-assed answer i am so sorry thank you so much for the ask it honestly makes me so damn happy thank you thank you)

I guess I will start with writing something here before going to stories again. As I am writing this I can really feel the effect of not writing for a long time (so this post may be incoherent i'm sorry). There are something I have wanted to write it out, as well as some random thoughts I have had during my super busy school days a while ago (like that Matsuda cringe above).

I am starting to lose track of what I'm saying, so I guess I will stop here.

Cheers.)

[clouds-rambles]

Yaho~~! Might i ask for a request in which reader, instead of a vision has an oddball ability that can take away and relieve others' from their pain with just a touch, and bear it as their own. Discreet with their ability but wont hesitate to lend their hand to whoever's in need. As for the character, i'll leave the choice to you!

Ps. Inspired by a movie i adore :')

SO UH this is gonna be a little complicated (maybe) basically you’re an adepti so it’s just kind of with a few characters you’ve helped. 

Lmao I wrote 300 words for my essay and called it a day, going back to it tomorrow ig

Can someone send some Venti or sibling Qiqi requests I really want to write for them

Pairing(s); (Platonic) Zhongli (Morax), Qiqi, Chongyun, Xiao, Childe x reader

Warning(s); fluff

Keep reading under the cut!

You’re an old adepti, predating the archon war. You’ve helped many people through your time all while trying to keep your power secret from the world. Many gods in the past have looked down upon you for their own personal use. 

The only god you really have interacted with in the past thousand years was Morax. You hadn’t quite realised who you were saving when you saw his body mangled on the floor. But you had won the favour of the god of contracts and war

So much so that he had offered you a place in his Liyue when he ascended to archon-hood. You, like a large handful of your fellow adepti, signed a contract to keep Liyue and her mortal people safe until the end of time

You vividly remember saving a mortal girl as the archon war was concluding. She was floating on the brink of life and death and you had spent more than enough energy bringing her back

You had been unconscious for weeks after saving the small girl. You didn’t see her for thousands of years before she popped up again recently

Somehow despite her poor zombie memory the girl, that you now know as Qiqi, found herself at your camp, to both thank you and bond with you

The small girl doesn’t remember all facts about you but writes about you in her notebook

She makes you very curious, and you seem to have a strong bond with her. Probably considering the fact you had saved her

Xiao has probably been the only the closest thing you’ve had as a friend over the millennia. He’s in the dark about your adeptal magic but he often finds himself at ease around you

When you’re around Xiao you tend to take a little of his internal suffering. You just want your friend to be at ease at least every now and again. Even if he likes the fact he’s a small ball of angst

Over the millennia you have found ways to help people in subtle ways. There aren’t many people that you’ve outwardly helped. 

Bumping into people and becoming a little bit of a clumsy person to help people is how you like to help people

Not many people actually realise that they’ve been helped. And honestly? The less people that know about you is better. 

Less people to lose in the longrun

However, in much more recent times you have found yourself helping the younger generation of vision holders with their antics

If any of the younger vision holders ask you who’s your favourite you wont tell them. But it’s Chongyun by a longshot

You’ve had dealings with exorcists in the past but Chongyun’s natural yang energy seems to flush you of any evil spirits. You feel cleansed the same way you see Xiao after you take some of his evil spirits to alleviate his pain

Also you and Chongyun seem to get along well, likely due to his soft personality, maybe to the fact he’s the first of the group of friends he has you met

He had bought you out of a shell you hadn’t realised you had built around you when interacting with mortals. 

He and his friends are like a gaggle of your younger siblings

You had met Zhongli without knowing he is the archon you had signed a contract to

Yet you find yourself saving him in a very similar fashion

“I once met a friend in a similar situation to this” you confess wrapping up the new wound on your leg

“Oh? You consider Rex Lapis a friend?” he asks. You blink at the man a few times

“None but myself and the said archon know about that” you announce. Zhongli smiles

“Long time no see [name]” he smiles at you

“[name]! [name]!” you hear a voice across Liyue Harbour. The small Qiqi runs up to you and you scoop her up in your arms 

“Morning Qiqi” you smile at her, you see her eyes glisten in happiness

“Can we go picking for herbs today?” she asks 

“Of course cutie” you answer booping her nose

The first time you meet Childe is three days after you had to help in saving Liyue Harbour from the old god Osail. He was hobbling about Liyue town

Sure, while he was the idiot who summoned the god. But you can’t help but feel sorry for his body

So while just ‘accidently’ bumped into the man you took just enough pain away from him to stop him from hobbling about Liyue. He can at least hold his head a little higher

You met Childe again over tea with Zhongli. He’s started to look better which makes you smile slightly

You’ve interacted with so many people over the millennia, but if you were forced to choose, being surrounded by all these amazing people has maybe made your contract a little worthwhile